#ashton irwin 5SOS

[sinning5sos]

one of the boys (you can choose which one!!) having corruption kink and teaching y/n some stuff? I think it would be so hot him teaching her how to touch herself cause she’s never done it before and in the end just being “good but not as great as you make it feel”.

so basically innocent!yn + corruption kink if you could and isn’t weird for u to write.

Corruption

Requested: Yes you little freak, I love it

Word Count: ~2,100

Smut:  praise kink!!!!!!! Corruption, masturbation, teaching? Etc. DIRTY!

We all know Ashton has to be the kinkiest one out of the group

“Truth or dare, what are we back in high school?” Luke said, laughing off Michael’s suggestion. Michael rolled his eyes but leaned back against the couch. You were sitting next to him, Calum, Luke and their significant others on the opposite side of the coffee table. Ashton was off in the kitchen, gathering snacks for the group. It was a weekly occurrence that you all got together, something beneficial for all of you involved.

“We all know everything about one another anyway.” Calum said, and Luke chuckled.

“Well, nearly everything. We still don’t fully know you,” Calum’s fiance pointed out, her gaze on yours and everyone else followed.

“You guys know a lot about me,” You said, laughing a bit awkwardly but Michael shook his head.

“Mmm, not all of it. We don’t know the juicy details of yours and Ashton’s sexual encounters.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. The girls around the table scoffed, but the boys laughed slightly.

“Who’s in charge in the bedroom? Is it you?” Luke’s wife asked, and you laughed again as you shook your head. You weren’t really sure how to answer that. You’ve had a lot of fun with Ashton, but you’ve always felt as if there could have been something else, if there could have been more.

“It’s equal in the bedroom,” You said, taking a sip of your drink to give you time to think of an answer, “But of course, it’s more so Ashton.”

“Well obviously, we all know that Ashton is super fucking kinky, it’s only a matter of time before he truly corrupts you,” Calum said, lifting his beer up in a cheers motion and you felt the blush creep onto your cheeks.

“He’s probably already done it, hasn’t he?” Michael prodded, nudging his knee with yours and you laughed, hoping your embarrassment wasn’t showing itself.

“What are you going on about me corrupting my girlfriend?” Ashton asked, bringing a tray of food into the living room. He had a smile on his face but a pointed look in his eyes. 

You smiled up at him, taking his hand as he sat on the other side of you, “Michael, you’re not being a dick again are you?”

Michael chuckled as he shook his head, and Ashton leaned his head down against yours. He turned slightly and kissed your hair, and you smiled as the topic drifted off to a different conversation.

“Tell me about it later,” Ashton murmured into your hair and you nodded. You knew all the jokes of Ashton being the kinkiest one, but he hadn’t shown that side to you. You weren’t a virgin, but you also weren’t as experienced as he was, and now that thought was a slight insecurity. You felt yourself becoming distant from the conversation, which Ashton so graciously covered for you as you thought more about what the boys had said.

Ashton hadn’t corrupted you at all, nor has he let you feel any shame in it whatsoever. But you wanted more from him, you just weren’t sure how to get it.

* * *

“Baby girl, why are you acting like this? Is it because of the conversation that I walked in on earlier?” Ashton asked, moving to join you on the bed as he knelt beside you.

“I'm not acting like anything.” You insisted, but you knew that was a lie. The conversation had been replaying over in your head, again and again, until the two of you had gotten to this moment. You weren't sure why the conversation was impacting you so much. I'm at the boys a joke around about summer things in the past, but there was a part of your deep down that wondered if Ashton had been holding out on you.

“Okay fine, I am. I’m sorry,” You said, laughing slightly as he looked at you.

“Don’t be sorry, just talk to me about what you’re feeling.” He said, an authentic smile on his face as he leaned down closer to you. He pressed his lips against yours, a nice gentle kiss but pulled back. 

You leaned in again for a kiss, deepening it and racking your brain on how to be more…aggressive. You bit down on his lip but winced as you pulled away.

“Princess, what was that?”

“The boys are talking earlier at Luke's that you're obviously the very kinky one and that I am not as experienced by your means. I don't know, it's just been kind of stuck in my head since we left.”

“Can you explain a little bit more?” He asked, nodding as he cupped your cheek, his thumb grazing the skin.

“I want you to corrupt me.”

He chuckled as he dropped his hand but stopped when he realized you were serious.

“Baby, what do you mean?” He asked and you sighed as you thought more about it. 

“I don't know, I just want you to teach me more. I'm not saying that I am completely innocent, but I know there's more that you wanna explore but you’ve been holding back on me?” You suggested.

“Is this coming only from the conversation or is this something you’ve been thinking about for a while?”

“I guess I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” You said sheepishly. His brow furrowed at your response, and he pushed off the bed, “Baby wait, I’m not -”

He cut you off with his hand raised and you quickly shut your mouth.

“I’m not mad. But we’re going to have some fun now, since you want to learn so badly. You want to be my little slut, is that what you want?” He asked, his voice hard but his eyes still soft.

You felt the blush creep back into your cheeks but nodded.

“Good girl. Now I want you to get up, strip, and then sit with your back up against the headboard.” He commanded. You were quick to follow his words, pushing off the bed yourself and climbing out of your pajamas. You shivered slightly as the air, chilled by the AC unit, now was blowing against your skin. You followed his instructions and climbed back onto the bed, your back now against the headboard.

He stripped out of his boxers and sat on the edge of the bed, by your feet and gripped his own cock. You licked your lips in anticipation, now so excited to hear his next words.

“Spread your legs Princess,” He murmured, his voice low and his eyes dark. You slowly spread your legs, feeling self conscious but also empowered and how hungry he now looked.

“I’m going to tell you what to do, and I want you to do exactly what I say. My mouth is about to be very vulgar, can you handle that?”

You nodded, but his gaze caught your attention.

“Verbal confirmation. Everything will revolve around your ability to answer me, is that understood?”

“Yes Ashton,” You whispered, and he nodded. 

“Good girl,” He praised, and you bit down on your lip again at the praise. Did you have a praise kink? “Now, I want you to take your right hand and bring it down to that sweet pussy of yours.” 

You followed his instructions, your hand grazing down your front to your core and looked up at him, waiting for the next cue.

“I want your fingers to tease your slit, but no penetration yet. Up and down, collect some of those juices I see running already.” He said. You followed his instructions, your two fingers grazing your lips. Your body jolted at the contact, but you kept your gaze on Ashton. His hand was moving ever so slightly, teasing himself and you at the same time.

“The same rhythm I’m stroking my cock, I want you to start fucking yourself with your fingers.” He muttered.

“Yes Ashton,” You breathed out. Your fingers, already slick from stroking yourself, pushed inside of you. You let out a slight gasp at the feeling, craving it to be his cock instead but you didn’t voice that - not yet.

“Good girl. Tell me how that’s making you feel?” He murmured. He started to stroke his cock just a bit quicker now and you matched his pace.

“It feels so fucking good Ash,” You moaned out. He chuckled as he nodded, licking his lips as he watched your fingers move.

“God, already so fucking wet and you’re only fucking yourself. You’re a fucking vision right now,” He breathed out, his eyes closing for a second as he increased his pace once again, “Insert another finger inside of you and start rubbing your clit with your other hand. Fast too, don’t hold back on it.”

You followed his instructions once again, adding in your ring finger inside of you as you brought your left hand to your clit. You moaned as you made contact with yourself, your clit being a sensitive spot for you. You started out rubbing slow circles, but as you heard him tsk, you sped up.

“Tell me again how you're feeling right now, baby girl.” He said, but you barely heard him over the sound of your own moans. You couldn't help it, the way that they fell from your lips at the situation. Ashton looked so hot sitting at the edge of the bed and stroking himself while fucking yourself with your fingers. 

“I feel so fucking good Ashton. I think I’m going to cum soon.”

“Good. Keep going, but don’t you dare cum without my permission.” He said, and you nodded.

“Ah, words Princess, or I’ll have to punish you.” He snapped.

“Yes Ashton, I won’t cum unless you tell me to,” You breathed out, your eyes peeking up at his and seeing him satisfied. He had a smug look on his face, his hand still stroking at a steady rhythm and you were starting to struggle to keep up. You felt your thighs begin to shake, but you kept your gaze on Ashton as you continued fucking yourself.

“Ash,” Your voice was desperate, but he chuckled. You positioned yourself sitting up more, your fingers still fucking yourself as your other hand was on your clit, and you moaned out as your body began to shake.

“Ash, please,” You begged. He stopped stroking and moved closer, giving you a singular nod.

“Cum for me princess,” He said, and your abs and thighs started to burn with how much you were restraining yourself. You let everything go, your orgasm crashing into you as you came on your own fingers. You stilled, your body now exhausted and Ashton went back to stroking himself.

“Let me taste you,” He murmured, and you brought your hand up to his lips. He sucked and moaned with your three fingers in his mouth, before releasing them as he was about to cum himself. He stilled, his cock twitching as he came and you enjoyed watching him become undone.

“I’m going to clean up real quick, then we’ll chat.” He murmured, pressing a kiss on your lips and you hummed quietly. He walked into the bathroom, and you pushed up on your elbows as you watched him grab a washcloth and run it under warm water before returning to you. You moaned as his fingers brushed against your core, feeling extremely sensitive from what had just happened.

“Tell me baby girl, what do you think?” He murmured, pressing a kiss against your neck and trailed them down your throat.

“I definitely enjoyed that,” You whispered. He chuckled as he nodded.

“You definitely did. Did you like fucking yourself while I watched?” He asked, sliding down slightly to drop the rag in the laundry basket before he turned back to face you. This was your favorite version of Ashton, his cheeks flushed and his face glowing in the post orgasm haze.

“I’d much rather have you inside of me instead,” You breathed out and he chuckled as he crawled up the bed, closer to you. He met your lips with his, pushing far more forcefully than earlier and you smiled into the kiss. He pulled back, his hand gripping the side of your hip as he lifted himself up.

“You’re going to regret those words Princess,”

[prettyyyboyluke]

Fuck About It Later

using my sex life for this

~

ashton’s throat was raw when he woke up. him and y/n were screaming at each other all night, and it didn’t help that they were both stubborn. neither of them would back down, admit their wrongs, none of it. the fight started off small to begin with, y/n finally got fed up with ashton saying that he’ll do things around the house, but then never does. so, she called him out on it, and ashton didn’t like the way her attitude was when she spoke to him. y/n was rarely threatened by ashton’s voice when they would argue, she would raise her’s just to match his. everything that ashton did, y/n mirrored back to him. his tone, his body language, even hand movements. the icing on the cake was when y/n crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at ashton when he couldn’t find anything else to say. 

the rest of that night, no one spoke, the entire house was silent. even though they were both furious with each other, they still went to bed together. their legs were still tangled under the sheets, but ashton wasn’t holding y/n like he normally does. and to be frank, y/n was a little sad about it, but her pride got in the way of saying anything. ashton wanted to hold her too, but his pride too got in the way. 

y/n didn’t bring up their fights the next morning, mostly because she doesn’t like to feel her feelings. she’d much rather forget it and move on, and that bothered ashton. when y/n woke up in the morning, her and ashton were on complete opposite sides of the bed. she sat up slowly, looking over at ashton facing the wall, and smiled weakly. ashton heard y/n wake up, he woke up about an hour before she did. he watched her sleep for a little bit, just listening to the small snores that came from her. when he felt her start to stir awake, he turned back over and closed his eyes so y/n would think he’s still sleeping. 

y/n got out of bed, checking her phone before heading to the bathroom to shower. when ashton felt y/n get up, he waited until he heard their bathroom door shut, and got up himself. he made their bed, picked up the spare clothes that didn’t make it to the hamper, and sat back on the bed until y/n got out of the shower. he knows y/n won’t bring up their fight, he doesn’t think he will either, but he’s not letting her completely off the hook. 

in the shower, y/n was thinking about what her and ashton were screaming at each other. she knows she hit places that hurt, and she regrets it, truly. she pushed it to the back of her mind, and started thinking on her plans for the day. y/n had no idea if ashton would be in their bed room when she got out of the shower. normally after they fight, he’s downstairs in his office. when she finally finished rinsing out the conditioner in her hair, she stepped out, and put a towel on. she brushed her hair and put some product in it so it could get wavy. 

y/n opened the door and saw ashton sitting on their bed. it shocked her. she didn’t know what to say, or if she should say anything at all. ashton just stared at her, keeping his eye contact with her. y/n was the first to tear her eyes away, feeling her cheeks heat up. she took a deep breath before speaking, “good morning.” she walked to their closet, starting to pick out clothes for the day. ashton followed her into the closet, watching her pick out her outfit. he extended his hand out for y/n to take. y/n was hesitant, but took his hand, and followed him back into their room. he took her to the edge of the bed, making her sit. he wasn’t sure if he wanted to say anything or not. 

she was holding her own hands, circling her thumbs over each other. he could hear her breath pick up when they were face to face with each other. she swallows the lump in her throat, wishing she had more than a towel on. ashton grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. he gives her forehead a lingering kiss and walks into the bathroom so can shower. y/n’s confused. she doesn’t know if she should wait until ashton’s out of the shower or if she should continue to get ready for the day. she goes back and forth in her mind before deciding on waiting until ashton’s out of the shower. she’s not taking any chances of getting in trouble. 

when he walks out of the bathroom, he’s a little shocked to see y/n still sitting on the bed the way he left her. she doesn’t say anything to him, she waits for him to start talking. “c’mon, get ready. we have stuff to do today.” ashton finally says, his voice sounding raspy.

~ 

ashton and y/n ran their errands. ashton still had his hand on her thigh, and y/n still played with his fingers. all she was thinking about was their morning. she kept racking her brain about what ashton was going to do, if he was going to do anything, she had no idea. part of her wants to bring it up, but the other part of her doesn’t. there wasn’t much conversing between them. “have you asked paula how her finals went?” ashton asks, breaking the silence. 

y/n looks over to ashton, his eyes still focused on the road. “yeah, she said that her stats one was easy, she feels okay about anthropology, and she still has her biology final.” y/n answers. ashton hums at her response. y/n has an uneasy feeling in her stomach that she can’t shake, so, she finally swallows her pride and begins to bring up their fight. “can we talk about-“ she begins to say but ashton cuts her off. 

“no. you don’t seem to like it when we talk.” ashton says curtly. y/n knows ashton’s right, she just can’t help thinking about what happened in the morning still. “we can fuck about it later.” he says. y/n whips her head to look at ashton. he’s completely unfazed about the comment he just made. his hand starts squeezing the inside of her thigh, causing y/n’s reaction to close her legs. she relaxes them a minute after ashton softens his grip. the butterflies that were once in her stomach moved down to her pussy. she can feel the wetness in her panties begin to pool. 

ashton moves his hand further up her thigh, happy that she wore a dress today, he let his pinky trace pattens dangerously close to her pussy. y/n puts her hand over ashton’s, guiding him further up her thigh. once he reaches her clothed pussy, he pushes a finger against her clit. y/n lets out a small breath, moving her hips the slightest bit against his finger. ashton keeps his eyes on the road while he moves his finger slowly against y/n’s clit. as soon as her breath begins to pick up, they pull up to their driveway. ashton moves her panties to the side, sliding his middle and ring finger between her folds. “god you’re wet,” he whispers to her. 

y/n turns her head to look at ashton, her eyes are soft and her lips are in a small pout. “don’t give me that look, i have half the mind to punish you right now.” ashton says to her. he pushes his fingers into her pussy, watching as she shutters. her thighs freeze and her hands are in fists at her sides. ashton’s watching his fingers move in and out of y/n. her head leans against the head rest, and she closes her eyes. “oh, you’re not gonna cum yet. nice girls get to cum, and you doll, haven’t been very nice.” ashton says, referring to their fight. 

he takes his fingers out of her pussy, licking them clean, and getting out of the car. y/n follows ashton inside quickly. ashton puts everything away that they bought before heading to their bed room. “are you scared, doll?” ashton asks once he sees her looking everywhere but at him. she shakes her head no, but they both know she’s lying. y/n wasn’t scared ofashton, she was scared about what he could do to her. “take the dress off, and sit on the bed.” he tells her. 

y/n wastes no time and takes her dress off. she sits on the edge of the bed, watching ashton undress himself. he leans down to face her, leaning on his hands that are on the edge of the bed. y/n leans back, flickering her eyes between ashton’s lips and his eyes. ashton brushed her hair off her shoulders, looking down at her breasts. the dress she chose didn’t make her wear one. ashton caressed her cheek, pulling her in so her mouth could meet his. he nipped at her lips before kissing her softly and desperately. his other hand slid across her breast, rolling her nipple between his fingers. 

ashton pulled away, dragging his thumb against her bottom lip and letting it bounce back into place. y/n moved further up the bed so ashton could tower over her. she spread her legs for him, allowing his hips to fit between them. y/n leaned her head up to kiss ashton again, and began moving her hips into him. he groaned into the kiss and pushed his cock harder against her. y/n drags her hand slowly down ashton’s stomach until it met the spot where they were connected. she snaps the waist band of his boxers, pushing them down as far as she can. 

they both break the kiss, ashton taking off his boxers along with y/n’s panties. he lets his cock slide between her folds, feeling how much wetter she was. they’re both rolling their hips into each other, whines filling the room. ashton takes his cock and pushes into y/n. her head falls back, feeling ashton stretch her walls. ashton slowly begins to move his hips once he feels y/n relax around him. she looks up at him, grabs his face, and brings him down for another kiss. y/n smiles into the kiss when she feels ashton in her stomach. 

“i’m filling you up so perfectly, doll.” his fingers skated over her clit, and she bit down on his bottom lip as her legs began to shake. “you need me? you need me to fuck you until you’re unable to move without remembering me inside of you?” he says to her, picking up his pace. y/n nods her head harshly, letting her head fall completely into the pillows. 

“yes! it feels so good,” she moans. her body began to tense up embarrassingly fast. “oh god, please don’t stop,” she whispers. ashton grabs her hips, moving her up and down his cock. y/n can feel her orgasm approach her, but she isn’t sure if ashton is going to let her cum. “i-i’m almost there, fuck,” she moans. ashton keeps his same pace, maybe thrusting harder once or twice to see her back arch. 

he knows when y/n’s about to cum, but he has no intent in letting her cum this early. he brings her hips all the way down so her clit brushes against his pelvic bone. he holds her there, his grip on her hips getting stronger. “i’m not letting you cum just yet, you have a long way to go, doll. if you want it, you’re gonna have to work for it.” ashton rasps. y/n groans and starts to roll her hips into ashton. he guides her, picking her up a few times to thrust up into her. 

“please, let me cum!” y/n begs, keeping the motion of her hips continuous. 

ashton shakes his head, “not yet, baby.” he slips his cock out of her and starts to lay back on the bed. “c’mon, i want you to show me how you use that mouth, without yelling at me.” he tells her. y/n wants to roll her eyes and sigh heavily, but she knows that that’ll put ashton over the edge. she sits up, still looking at him with soft eyes, and takes his cock in her hand. 

he grabs her hair and puts it in a make shift pony tail. once y/n’s lips are around the tip of his cock, he slowly guides her head up and down. she hollows her cheeks, letting her tongue lick the underside of his cock. ashton throws his head back, still guiding y/n’s head. she brings his cock all the way to the back of her throat until she gags, letting her spit coat him. 

“god, your mouth feels so good, doll. i like it better when it’s filled like this.” he tells her. he lets himself get close to releasing in her mouth, but stops himself. y/n takes her mouth off of him, keeping her hand moving up and down his cock. “get back on my cock, i need to be inside you,” he rushes out, pulling y/n on top of him. he turns her around so he can’t see her face. 

ashton grabs her wrists and brings them behind her back. she finally sinks down on his cock, whining as she does. y/n moves her hips in circles, loving how ashton felt so deep inside her. she throws her head back, arching her back as she does. ashton’s grip on her wrists didn't loosen up. y/n starts to lift her hips up down, finding her rhythm that makes her eyes close and lips smile. ashton starts to snap his hips up to meet y/n’s, gradually having y/n on her knees. 

y/n wraps her hands around ashton’s forearms, digging her nails into his skin. her moans start filling up the room and the sound of skin slapping echos throughout. her back is arched as far as it can go and her legs are already shaking. “you like being fucked like this, huh? you like it when i treat you like a slut?” ashton grits, slapping her ass. she jolts forward when he does, nodding her head so fast she gets dizzy. 

she starts to fall forward on the bed, her cheek flush against the duvet. now her grip on ashton’s forearms start to slip, but his never lets go. “i asked you a question, doll, i expect you to answer me,” ashton says to her. y/n can’t remember what he said to her, so she just says a meek yes. her body starts to go limp, hoping that ashton will let her cum soon. 

“please, please, i wanna cum,” she whispers. 

ashton can feel her pussy tighten around his cock, making him start to feel his orgasm. he groans loudly, “alright, fuck, cum for me baby, let me hear you,” he breaths. 

she starts to move her wrists, trying to get out of his grip, but to no avail. “oh my god, yes!” she moans loudly. she pushes her hips towards ashton, feeling him sink further into her. “daddy, it feels so good,” she slips out. ashton throws his head back, starting to feel his cock throb inside y/n’s wet, pink walls. 

“fuck, keep squeezing me like that,” he moans, stilling inside her. y/n whimpers when she feels ashton cum inside her, still feeling her orgasm come down. she’s focusing on catching her breath, she doesn’t realize ashton has slipped out of her. he brushes her hair off her shoulder, kissing it softly. “always end up being a good girl for me,” he whispers to her. 

y/n smiles, opening her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. ashton swipes it away for her. “i like it when you fuck me like that.” 

[suchalonelysunflower]

You're on Your Own Kid (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem! Reader

Summary: Based on YOYOK by Taylor Swift. You and Ashton are two best friends who drift apart even if one of you tries to hold on to the relationship.

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of fatphobia, alcohol, drugs, cheating, eating disorders. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language im sorry)

Word count: 5.6 k

Author's note: This is very me coded cause I needed to sort out feelings regarding two different broken hearts melted into one and several other things so, enjoy my pain, literally. Remember that we love REBLOGS over here and COMMENTS and TAGS and all of that so please, leave your love and SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading 🦋✨🌻

My Masterlist // Taglist on bio!!

Summer went away Still, the yearning stays

8 years old.

There was something so beautiful about the first day of summer break. Maybe it was the fact that the alarm clock didn’t go off and that the sun-soaked curtains were the ones that woke you up, softly letting the warm sunlight hit your face as a reminder that the best twelve weeks of the year were going to start.

Or maybe it was the smile that was immediately drawn upon your face as you heard your best friend call from downstairs:

“Oi, Y/N! What are you waiting for, you bugger?!”

Your barefoot feet touched the floor of your room as you ran to your window, watching with bright eyes and an excited smile as your next-door neighbor and best friend, Ashton, was already waiting for you, all dressed up in his bathers.

“C’mon! We don’t have all day!” He yelled again. You rolled your eyes.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes!”

You closed your window and headed to the bathroom where you carefully prepared your bathing suit the night before when Anne-Marie came to ask your mother if you and Ash could have a playdate today. More specifically, Ashton was really excited to play with the sprinkler they just got to water the plants, and since neither of them got a swimming pool, he thought it’d be the best idea to combat the Australian heat that way.

Once your teeth were brushed, your hair combed, and your bathing suit on, you were ready to take on summer with your best friend. You ran downstairs to the kitchen, putting on your flip-flops and grabbing your strawberry shortcake backpack before grabbing a cookie from the counter.

“Bye mum!” You called, before heading toward the backyard door.

“Not so fast, young lady!” Your mother’s voice could be heard from the other side of the kitchen.

You sighed as you turned around. Looking defeatedly at the ground as you made your way to her. She stood tall with a crooked brow upon her face, pursing her lips as if she asked you a question even though she never did.

“What’d you got there, sweetie?” She asked, pointing her head toward you but to nothing in particular.

“Uh…”

“Didn’t we talk already about making healthier choices from now on?” She sighed, grabbing the cookie from your hand and giving you an orange instead. “Last year we let it go because of everything that was going on, but you need to start thinking about taking care of yourself, okay?” You nodded.

It wasn’t difficult to understand what she meant. You ate your vegetables and fruits, except bananas and the weird food grandma made that had seeds in it. But it was summer, and she made those cookies yesterday so, who was going to eat them, then?

“Good.” She smiled, cupping your face and placing a small kiss on your forehead “You’ll look so pretty when you grow up, I promise. Now, go play! But be back before sunset!”

“Alright!”

Your smile came back to your face as you walked and peeled the orange, crossing the backyard and opening the fence’s gate that connected your house to Ash’s. There, he was sitting on the ground looking attentively at the gate.

“Finally!” He groaned “I don’t know if you know what 5 minutes are but those were not it”

You chuckled “Sorry! Orange slice?”

“Thanks,” He smiled, getting a whole one in his mouth as he spoke, or tried to, at least “Nough checkth thith outh!”

He walked to the side of the house where he connected the sprinkler to the hose. And suddenly it was like a cascade of rain was falling over you. You squeaked in delight and giggled as you got completely soaked in under a second, watching in awe as the water rose to incredible heights for an eight-year-old and drew shapes in the sky before it fell down over you.

Ashton came running, jumping over the sprinkler and laughing as it moved around, creating new shapes that would soon cover the whole yard in water. You joined him immediately, allowing the water to soak away the heat of the first of many memorable summer days that year.

You played all day and all afternoon. Anne-Marie brought you sandwiches for lunch and stayed with you for a while, even playing with you as she held a small, baby Lauren in her arms, letting her enjoy the water as well. You and Ash would create the most bizarre adventures, imagining you were pirates having a final battle at a waterfall (his idea), pretending you were water fairies (your idea), and trying to see who could outrun the water (both your ideas, neither of you could win).

By the end of the day, you were both exhausted laying on the grass, giggling.

“I don’t want summer to be over!” He said, exaggeratingly throwing his arms to the sky to let them drop to the ground.

“Today’s the first day,”

“But that means one day less!”

“True…” You sighed “Maybe one day we can live on a permanent vacation. Where we don’t have to go to school or work”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Ashton asked, turning toward you.

“Like a real job or my dream job?”

“Aren’t those the same?”

“My mom doesn’t think so. At least she says my dream job is not a real job here so it won’t work”

“Your dream job, then”

“I want to be a singer,” You said, smiling.

Ashton looked confused “But that’s a real job!”

“My mom says it’s not” You shrugged “And I haven’t thought about my real job yet. So what about you?”

“I want to be in a band,” Ashton said with a confident nod “And I’m going to make it my real job”

“Can I be in your band?” You asked.

“Sure! You’re my best friend, of course, you can be in it! Now we only need someone who can play the guitar”

That day you went to bed with a smile on your face.

* I hear it in your voice You're smoking with your boys I touch my phone as if it's your face

17 years old

You halt at the door, take off one of your headphones, and turning back.

“What?”

Your mother, already huffing her way out to meet you halfway, rolled her eyes.

“I said, what are you wearing?”

“Clothes, mom” You answered, tiredly “I’m going to school, you know? The one I’m going to be late to if I don’t catch the bus?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to change?” She tilted her head, “It looks like that’s one of my shirts and-”

“It’s my shirt, mom. We bought it last week” She seemed to have something else to say but you just didn’t have the energy to hear it “I’m gonna be late, bye”

You put back your headphones again, letting Paramore silence the outside world as you walked in the opposite direction to the bus stop. No, you were not going to skip, but the words your mother didn’t say were clinging to the back of your heads like nails, so what if the normal fifteen-minute ride turned into a forty-minute walk? You had time, and plus, the windy morning could really help dry the tears that were already gathering in your eyes.

Crying is not something you did and you were not about to start now. You just got to toughen up, take her words with a grain of salt and keep going. It's not like you’re not making an effort. Is just that for her it is hard to see it since there’s no progress to be shown as fast as she would like.

You’re not in bad shape at all; you’re not a bad kid; your grades are good. It’s just that perfection has a standard in her eyes that you just haven't met yet.

Brick by Brick played for the third time in a loop before you got to school with a few minutes to spare. You smiled at a few of your classmates that you saw in the hallway and went to your locker, opening it to get the things you needed for your first class.

“Hey, you!” A familiar voice said next to you.

You smiled softly as you mindlessly handed Ashton your bag.

“Hey, Ash. Just one moment, please?”

He shrugged as he leaned against the lockers, watching as you put an oversized sweater over your clothes.

“We’re in Australia in April”

“I’m cold”

“Well, it is the year of the end of the world…” You rolled your eyes as you grabbed your bag from him and started to walk together to your first class “Icebergs will melt, the desert will freeze, kangaroos will take over the world-”

“Oh, I would be long dead before a kangaroo tried to fight me” You laughed.

“I’ll defend you!”

“So that our mothers could bury us next to one another? How charming”

The bell rang just in time for the two of you to take your seats. Biology would be the only class you’d share that day and you won’t be seeing each other again until lunchtime rolled around. By that time you were used to losing yourself in thought, especially on days like these where somehow nothing seemed to fit. Or was it because you felt misplaced? You would watch your classmates, smile at them, and make idle talk. You would take notes for your classes and answer the questions the teachers make. But there wasn’t a future here, nothing that seemed to last or that would make you want to stay.

Weekdays were routine that you would soon forget come the weekend. And now the desolated two-day break felt more like the same futile attempt to make something meaningful without succeeding at it. Looking at the window from your room made no sense anymore knowing that Ashton was most likely somewhere else entirely.

At the end of last year, some boy from another school messaged him on facebook asking him to play a gig with them. Since then, Ashton has joined their little band called 5 seconds of summer. A playful name for a band of high schoolers.

You’ve met them a few times and have watched them play whenever they had a gig near town. They were good and were rapidly growing a loyal fanbase with their youtube videos. But their ambition was bigger than just a hobby, and you could see it not just in the way Ashton talked about them, but in the gleam in their eyes every time they hung out or when they played. They were something else and they were ready for more.

However, that didn’t take away the fact that you missed your best friend.

“Earth to Y/N?”

“Huh?” You woke up from your thoughts in the middle of the cafeteria.

Ashton was sitting next to you, a concerned look in his eyes.

“Are you going to finish your lunch?” He said, pointing to your barely touched tray.

“Uh, no. You can have it”

“You’ve barely eaten”

“I’m not hungry” You shook your head, already sliding the tray to him “And you didn’t bring anything again”

He sighed “I forgot… No, I think I put my lunch in Harry’s lunch box again”

“Lucky him, then” You smiled “You’re still driving me home after school and to Mulligan’s later tonight, right?”

Ashton stopped chewing, closing his eyes as he swallowed thickly. Your smile fell.

“Ash-”

“I’m sorry!”

“Ash, you promised-”

“I know! I know, I’m a dickhead!” He said with regret the moment he saw how sad you looked. “But I promised Calum that I would sneak him out of soccer practice to go rehearse at Michael’s for our gig on Saturday and I completely forgot! I’m so, so sorry Y/N”

A sharp pain went through your heart as you took a deep breath before nodding. You looked down to avoid looking him in the eye, knowing that those puppy, hazel eyes would make you weak in an instant. Your thumbs twiddled with each other under the table, trying to take some of the tension away and distract you from the moment. It was no big deal. It was okay.

“It’s okay”

Ashton was not fooled by the whisper in your voice. “Y/N-”

“It’s okay, Ash. Really” You said more firmly this time, looking at him but not directly at his eyes “I can walk myself home, I need the sunlight anyway. And we can do Mulligan’s another day if you’d-”

“No,” Ash shook his head, “I said I’d be there and I will. I can cut the rehearsal short and I’ll meet you guys there! I will not miss it, alright? After all, you can’t wait for the midnight of your birthday another day, silly”

You smiled as you rolled your eyes, letting his arms wrap around your shoulders and bringing you closer to him, wondering if he can feel just how fast is beating.

* (9:25 PM) me: Ash, I’m already at the bar. I was late lol. So it’s okay if you wanted to stay longer with the boys

(9:55 PM) me: are you on ur way? I ordered us some beers ;) I finally got to use my ID

(10:30 PM) me: I drank ur beer

(11:30 PM) me: you’re not coming, are you?

*

There were two rings before he picked up the call.

“Ash, where are you?” You said into the night air and into the phone. Your classmates were inside the bar, waiting for you to sing happy birthday. But there were still five minutes to go and the person that said would be there was nowhere to be found.

“I- I am Ash,” He said before he exploded in giggles, followed by a fading chorus of familiar laughs at the other side of the line.

Then it hit you. He was still at Michael’s. He never left.

“Ashton, are you- are you high?”

Another explosive set of laughter hit you as an answer. You ended the call. The picture you took at the beginning of the year, with Ashton carrying you on his back as you both wink and make peace signs at the camera, mocks you as you try your hardest to be stoic for yourself.

You looked up to the moon and took a deep breath before coming back to the bar, an already perfect fake smile plastered all over your face as your classmates sang happy birthday at the top of their lungs, half of them already drunk. You didn’t know smiling could hurt that much till then.

By the end of the night, you tried your hardest to ignore the random comments that you happened to hear.

“Where’s Ash?” Someone would ask

“I heard he simply didn’t want to come,” Someone else answered. You didn’t know if to believe them.

The next day you woke up with a thousand messages of apologies and a notebook wrapped in wooden paper.

“For all the songs you’re gonna write”

Anyway

* I wait patiently He's gonna notice me It's okay, we're the best of friends

21 years old

To put it simply, L. A was a fucking nightmare.

Nowhere in the world have you seen such hypocrites smiling at each other like they were best friends all their lives. People were getting high in the backyard by the pool; couples cheating on each other in the same house; every up and coming having their realities shatter in front of their eyes as they realize what their dream industry actually is. And all of that is happening inside your own house in Beverly hills. Yes, you left the outbacks of Australia behind to chase the dreams you fought bravely to make come true. And without anyone’s help, you made it.

You went to college to please your mom, but finding your joy after Ashton had left soon after graduating high school was not easy. However, in order to pay some of your debts, you started working at the same bar you and your classmates used to hang out at. Cleaning tables and serving drinks was not as exciting as it sounded, but what really made it worth it was the open mic nights where anyone could come and present a bit of stand-up comedy or original songs to the public. That’s where you found your escape. Quite literally.

Soon, you were discovered, signed, and shipped off to Los Angeles where success has been modest but impressive for someone with such a short career. But dreams are not easy to maintain.

To have a dream in the city of dreamers is to be a fish in an ocean. Not rare and not exceptional either. It was intimidating and scary, all the more doing it all by yourself in a country where no one seemed to be your friend. People here knew of you, but they didn’t know you at all. Not really.

Maybe you don’t know yourself either.

“Y/N!”

Once again, a voice pulled you from your own thoughts and into your party again. From afar you noticed Calum’s wide smile as he headed toward you, pushing through the sea of people.

The only ones you know here in L.A are the ones that got away years before you did and were creating havoc among the younger fans. 5 Seconds of Summer was an absolute hit, and they were barely staying at the same place for more than four weeks straight, but you were thankful anytime they did. They were your friends or at least acquaintances except for Ash. They reminded you of home, and one person, in particular, reminded you that there was more than that to hang on to.

“Cal!” You called, hugging him as soon as he came close “I’m so glad you could make it. I have no idea who any of these people are! Where are the others?”

Calum shrugged “Michael got dragged by someone already. Luke… is complicated”

“And Ash?”

You didn’t want to sound hopeful. You didn’t want to give anything away with the tone of your voice or the way your eyes begged you to look around for him, see if he just got lost among the crowd.

“He said he’d come” Calum said, pretending not to know how you feel “You know how he is. Sometimes he says one thing…”

“To change it at the last minute.” You sighed “I hate that about him”

“It’s Ashton”

“I asked him to come and help me with the recording of some drums at the studio last week, did he tell you?” He shook his head “He said that what I was doing “wasn’t really his thing” so maybe I should just call someone else”

“He said that to you?” Calum said in disbelief.

You nodded “He’s been a real asshole lately. And I did get someone else in the end, but…”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s the principle”

But it was not just that. The Ashton you met at school was not the same Ashton you found as an adult. And yes, people are bound to change and you have changed a lot as well, but looking back it makes you question whether this person made changes to keep themselves in your life or to make themselves a memory of what once was a good old time. And you were scared Ashton could become the latter.

For many years, Ashton was the only one by your side, or at least that’s what you knew of. When he left for London all those years ago, you were happy that he could chase all those dreams he once shared with you in your backyard as little kids. But once you caught on with life and fate decided that it was time to meet again, it was like there were already so many people beside him that you felt out of frame. You were his friend first. But maybe he forgot.

“Ooop, he just texted” Calum chimed in, sipping on his drink “He’s right outside, I told him we’re hiding in the kitchen”

You chuckled as your fingers drummed nervously on top of the counter, trying your hardest not to look at the door. Not yet, don’t let him see you waiting for him. Just one moment more-

“What the fuck?”

Calum’s whisper made your eyebrows turn into a frown as you followed his gaze. Oh, how you wish you didn’t.

Entering your kitchen filled with people was Ashton, a smile so shy and welcoming at the same time, hand in hand with one of the most gorgeous girls you’ve ever seen in your life. Your smile flattered for one second.

“I guess he’s not with Jess anymore…” Muttered Calum. Jess? Who was Jess? And who was this girl if Calum didn’t know?

Your heart grew heavy as the air around you thickened, yet you couldn’t tear your eyes away from them. From afar, Ashton noticed you - or he noticed Calum, you didn’t know - and raised his hand to say hi and kept walking into another room with his new girl following him.

That’s it? Not even a proper hello? This is your house, your party… A sunken feeling enveloped you as you excused yourself to the bathroom, ignoring the pointed look Calum gave you as he let you go without asking questions.

The music was muffled inside the tiled walls. You locked the doors and went to the sink, leaning over it with your hands on either side of the counter. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you counted to ten over and over again, repeating to yourself that you were okay. You were okay, or you would be. You had to be.

As you raised your head, the mirror showed the reflection of a girl whose eyes beat red from tears she refused to shed. You could not be that girl tonight.

So you smiled at your reflection, practicing what muscle memory taught you good girls do when things don’t go their way. You smiled and fixed your hair, and smiled again. It didn’t matter that the image that kept playing inside your head was his hands tangled in hers. It didn’t matter that he didn’t even say hello. This was not about him nor your broken heart. You had to keep going so you had to smile. It’s not the first time it happened, you should be used to it by now.

One last deep breath and you opened the door, going back to the party. But as you made your way back into the kitchen, you bumped into someone going in the opposite direction.

“Woah! Hey, Y/N!” He said, smiling as he hugged you like he used to do.

For a moment you let yourself forget where you were and be hugged by him, letting the smell of his cologne be tattooed somewhere in your brain.

“Hi, Ash”

“How- hey, are you crying?”

“What?” You blinked a couple of times “Oh, no! One eyelash fell into my eye and I had to get it out, you know how that makes me-”

“Yeah, you get weirded out by eyes” He cringed.

An awkward silence set between the two of you, not knowing what to say now that is just the two of them. But you… Oh, you could say so much, you just didn’t know where to start. You wanted to ask about the tour, how it went and what was his favorite place to visit. You were dying to mention their new songs and how they made you feel. You wanted to ask about his family, how is Anne-Marie? Is Harry doing well in school? Has Lauren started high school yet and how does she like it? Do they still live in the same house you grew up with? Do they know the memories you shared? Do they even remember you?

Does Ash?

But standing in front of him you felt as if you had no right to ask those questions anymore. Ashton was not looking at you anymore, but at his phone, even when you were right there. Does he not have any curiosity toward you as much as you have about him? Does he not care?

You used to be best friends. You still were, right?

Yet, those questions were never asked as you just turned and kept walking. And when you looked back you noticed that Ashton hadn’t moved, hadn't noticed you were gone.

And if while you were looking you noticed some freshly made hickeys on the back of his neck, then you decided to ignore that as well.

(3:07 PM) me: saw two kids in a backyard playing mermaids with a sprinkler today. we never had that idea before (6:20 PM) ash 😜: i would've never consented to mermaids, mind you (6:30 PM) me: are you sure? (6:32 PM) ash 😜: nah, i would end up with a tail in the end (6:40 PM) me: do you miss it?

* From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes I waited ages to see you there I search the party of better bodies Just to learn that you never cared

25 years old

“Why am I not surprised?” Ashton laughed.

You didn’t notice his presence until he was standing in between you and the firepit in the backyard. He was wearing a shirt and a trenchcoat, lightly mocking your shivering figure as you sat outside on the last night of 2019.

“I don’t like parties” You answered.

“You never did,” Ashton said, sitting next to you “But that doesn’t give you the right to catch hypothermia”

“We live in L.A”

“Still,”

“I’m practicing”

“For what?” Ashton chuckled.

“Scotland,” You said, turning to look at him.

“Scotland? You’re gonna visit someone there, or?” He smiled, nervously.

“I’m moving there”

Ashton laughed loudly, “Bullshit!”

But you didn’t laugh along with him. Instead, you looked at him as the penny dropped and then moved your gaze to the fire again, finding comfort in the chaos. The only constant thing in your life.

Ashton blinked at you, elbowing you “You’re bullshiting me, Y/N”

You didn’t move, instead, you answered him in a monotone voice “Why would I?”

“What the fuck are you going to do in Scotland?!”

“The same, I guess?” You shrugged “I bought a house with a studio, my label has a branch there, I don’t do much touring so-”

“Were you going to tell me?!”

At this, you turn to him, almost as if to ask if he was serious.

“It’s not funny, Ash”

“The fuck is not! Of course not!” He shouted, getting up from his seat. The frown on his face deepened “You’re fucking moving away and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Why would I tell you?”

“Because we’re friends!”

At this, you couldn’t help but laugh. Like, actually, wholeheartedly laugh. Tears were at the corners of your eyes by the end of the laughing fit, even more so when you saw Ashton’s confused face standing in front of you.

Once you composed yourself, you shook your head.

“You can’t be serious right now”

“Y/N-”

“Honestly, Ashton. This- this is not funny, at all” You said, smile still on your face but your eyes getting redder as the tears gathered “You can’t- You can’t just come around every two years or so with a conversation and then yell at me and say that we’re friends as if you know what that means. No. Not with me, I- I won’t let it happen anymore”

You shook your head as a chuckle escaped your lips. “Ashton, tell me, right now. What’s the name of my cat?” He parted his lips but no words came out “What’s the name of my latest single?” Again, no answer “What’s the career I studied in uni before I came to the states?” By now, Ashton was looking down in shame “Ash, when is my birthday?”

That last answer broke your heart completely. You were hoping, wishing that at least that one he would get right. But his silence only confirmed what your heart knew. You closed your eyes as the tears finally slid down your cheeks, tired of being kept hidden all those years.

“Y/N-”

“No,” You raised your hand to stop him from saying anything else, “If it’s an apology I don’t want to hear it because it’s a little too late for that. Ashton, you have no idea what is like to have no one in your corner, and I pray that you never get to experience that. But all my life- all my life I’ve been waiting to be someone’s priority and when I finally put myself first, you come and try to berate me for it. I hate L.A. I had since the moment I came here. You had Calum, Luke and Michael, and countless other people to make you feel welcomed! but me? I had no one!”

All the feelings that were silenced over the years came crashing through. Unfiltered and uncensored. Like the fire in front of you, ready to spread out.

“And I tried to fit in. When I invited you and the guys and all of your friends, I wanted to make you feel that maybe I can still be part of this life as well! But they aren’t my friends, they’re yours. And you made no effort to even include me in your life as if I was someone that you tolerated from the past that’s long dead and gone. You have my memories, Ash. You have the same scars that I do, the same laughs, and the same tears from when we were kids till we were out of high school. We shared the same dreams and even though I knew you would make them more easily I prayed to god to take me where you would go because I knew that my place was with you, it didn’t matter where or how. I just wanted to be with my best friend, even if with time my best friend didn’t want to be my best friend anymore”

“Y/N,” His voice was small, fragile “That’s not true”

“Don’t lie!” You yelled through the tears “You’re being mean, Ash! You left me behind. You left me! And I’m still here, I was always here and you couldn’t see me, or you didn’t want to see me. You didn’t care! Could you look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t know everything that was going on when we were kids?”

Ashton tried to keep his gaze up with yours but couldn’t, quickly looking away with guilt. You pressed your lips in a thin line as you nodded.

“I loved you, so so much. And I hate you for making me feel so unloved, so small and unimportant. I don’t think I can shake this now, and I don’t know if I can forgive you for making me hate myself this much when I did nothing to you”

You knew your words hurt him, but there was nothing you could say to take them back. You didn’t want to take them back.

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and started walking back to the party, ready to ask an uber to drive you home.

Ashton didn’t follow, you knew he wouldn’t. And for the first time in years, you were glad he didn’t.

* (05:25 AM) Ashton Irwin: can we talk, please?

This number has been blocked from your contacts

* ‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned Everything you lose is a step you take So make the friendship bracelets Take the moment and taste it You've got no reason to be afraid

28 years old

“You’re on your own kid, you always have been” You sang the last part of the acoustic set of your last album as the crowd went wild. You smiled at the small room, just a small acoustic session to start off the new era of songs about growth and finding yourself again after years of learning how to heal.

“There are many things in life that leave scars, things that we automatically assume about ourselves like muscle memory,” You said into the mic “For years we look for who to blame, and most of the time we carry that blame within ourselves and make ourselves believe that we are not worthy of beautiful things in the world. But I learned that even though these wounds and scars are mine, they don't own me as a person, they do not define me nor who I will become later in life. None of us are less deserving of love or the beautiful things in life just because we’ve struggled. And I-”

The words are stuck inside your throat for a moment, just a moment as your eyes make contact with the person standing in the corner of the room.

His arms are crossed over his chest, his smile is timid and a bit scared. But his eyes, although mature, kept that hazel glow that you’ve recognized anywhere. Even when years have passed.

“I will make my best to remind you how beautiful you all are” * * Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @wastelandcth @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @pvnkcloud @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore@alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththatt @cncoangelsss @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @lendeluxe

[all-timelee]

Please Don’t Cry || A.I.

//Just a short piece, I haven’t had much motivation to write, but I’m pretty much just projecting with this one\\

Warnings: I don’t think there’s any??

Word count: 776

Masterlist

Your eyes stayed trained on the steering wheel in front of you, your car parked in front of your destination, but you stayed put. You were glad no one was around to witness the sad look in your eyes, to witness the tears that slowly began to make their way down your cheeks.

It’d been a rough day, a rough couple of weeks, but you kept going, doing your best to keep it together until right now. You were finally cracking, not having enough strength to hide it anymore as you let all the emotions go.

You were tired and sore, your whole body ached and you just felt drained. You couldn’t stop the waves of tears now pooling out of your eyes at an alarming rate, a loud sob forcing it’s way past your lips.

You tried wiping them away with shaky fingers, but you only succeeded in making more appear. It didn’t take long for the sobs to get louder, until they seemed like they would drown out everything around you.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as the your car door opened, Ashton’s face barely being recognizable through your blurry eyes. You quickly tried to clean yourself up, to hide the overflowing emotions, but his hands gently grabbed yours, pulling them away from your face where you tried to wipe away the moisture.

“Baby, what’s going on?” He asked quietly, trying not to startle you further. You couldn’t even reply, your words stuck in your throat. He continued, “Please don’t cry…”

Ashton looked so sad seeing you like this, and it made you feel guilty. You all but fell into his chest, gripping his t-shirt as tight as you could. Your shoulders shook as more sobs escaped your mouth, leaving you breathless.

Ashton held you there for a few seconds before pulling away, holding your chin between his two index fingers. His thumb wiped away at your tears as he stared into your eyes intensely.

“Let’s get you inside, yeah?” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, and you nodded, allowing him to wrap an arm around your waist and shut the door behind you, leading you into the house.

You walked into the living room, Ashton’s arm still wrapped tightly around you, and sat on the couch, Ashton immediately joining you. You leaned against his chest once again, tears still soaking his shirt, his hands rubbing small circles against your back.

He didn’t say anything, just listened to the sound of your sobs filling the air, letting you have your moment. As much as Ashton wished he could do more than just sit there, comfort you, this was the least he could do, be there for you if you needed it.

After a few minutes, your breathing had calmed down, though your cheeks were flushed pink and blotchy. You hadn’t realized how hard you were crying until you felt your face relax slightly as you let the tension leave your muscles, your eyes finally opening.

They met Ashton’s gaze and he offered you a small smile, thumb coming up to wipe under your eyes gently. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shook your head, closing your eyes and resting it against Ashton’s shoulder. You felt his arms tighten around you as he pulled you closer, lips coming down to place a kiss on the top of your head.

“Do you need water or something to drink? Can I do anything?” Ashton wished there was more he could do for you, something to ease the pain at least just a little, he’d do whatever you asked of him in this moment, anything to make you feel better.

“Just want you to hold me,” you mumbled after another while, and Ashton nodded. Even if he wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong, he knew you needed his help, wanted his attention. And he’d be damned if he wasn’t gonna give you the full version.

He moved and laid back, allowing you to lay on his chest, head tucked into his neck. He felt you snuggle deeper into his side, and you sighed contently, his hand moving from your back to the hair at the nape of your neck, massaging softly.

You closed your eyes again, and Ashton watched as your breathing began to slow as you slowly fell into slumber. “Love you, Ash.”

It was barely audible, a whisper, but Ashton heard it nonetheless, smiling fondly as his heart warmed. “I love you too. Sleep well, baby,” he whispered, kissing your forehead lightly. He was happy to stay where he was with you, safe and sound, for however long you needed him to.

[nakedlilac]

pretty u 🤍💫🌧

[sagephoria]

He might not have won that stupid award a while ago, but he’s the best drummer to me.

[theshyspy]

bookstore au with ashton irwin - headcanon

Based on this request from the very talented @littledrummerangie,thank you for sending it in lovie🦋

He was a bookworm who loved the familiarity of the known. He didn’t even notice how everything was a routine: the way he went to the same cafe and browsed the menu but got the same coffee each time, before heading to the usual bookstore a few feet away.

Which was why Calum was so confused as he stopped outside a newly opened bookstore, his eyes fixed at you moving inside it. In no time he had pushed the door open and started browsing through the shelfs, waiting for you to ask if he needed any help.

He swore you had the voice of an angel as you moved towards him, smile on your face as you wondered if he needed anything. (He didn’t, but) shortly after you were recommending all sorts of books.

He was so quick to return the next day, claiming he forgot to get one of the pieces on his wishlist (something he definitely hadn’t). He was just hypnotized, adoring the way you strang your sentences together and how all your opinions was so reflected. He could listen to you talk about anything for hours.

Every other day he would come up with a new excuse and be back again, not that you minded. He was your favourite customer, always smiling and asking about your day. Once in a while he even brought you coffee (he swore the barista had made an extra on accident but it happened way too many times for it to be a coincidence)

You always looked forward to your meetings, but was getting impatient, kinda hoping he would ask you out.

He most definitely wanted to ask you out. But it had to be perfect, something you couldn’t say no to.

So when your favourite author came out with a new book, he figured it was his time to shine.

At the end of your shift, he was waiting patiently outside the door. A basket resting on his arm, filled with food you’d briefly mentioned you enjoyed. To say you were surprised was an understatement, but you followed with a smile plastered on your face as he said he knew the perfect reading spot.

And that’s how you ended up with your head in his lap, his fingers gently playing with your hair as you fell in love with both your new book and the man beside you.

[talkfastromance4]

Emotions--Ashton Irwin oneshot

very self-indulgent fic and this song always makes me feel some type of way when I'm feeling all the feelings.

warnings: drug use, drug mention, gummies, weed and smoking mention, lots of feelings, underlying anger

Masterlist

word count: 2k

Feedback is always welcome and reblogs help spread my work!

Enjoy!

*****

She doesn’t like feeling this way, like a ticking time bomb waiting to implode but when it’s one thing after another after another after another–she feels the breakdown quaking in her bones. It could be something small that finally sets her off or something very grand that will make the destruction worse. 

All she wants is someone to know when she’s in this danger zone and help her out, her defense mechanism will be to deny any help but that extra push will do it. Force her to open up. Pop the cork and let her spill everything she’s been feeling–or not feeling–out in the open. 

She hates feeling broken and not knowing why then on the other hand she hates knowing why she feels broken but doesn’t know exactly how to fix it. She sits in her emotions trying to focus on one but they’re on a constant carousel that just keeps spinning and shows no sign of stopping. It makes her dizzy, all of these emotions, but no one seems to notice.

Except Ashton. He notices everything. 

So that’s why on Friday when she walks in the room he can tell she’s on edge, she’s buzzing with it, her eyes are wide and bright with the edge she’s trying so hard not to fall from. She masks it well with a smile as she says hello to others. It’s damn near camouflage from the jokes she tells and invisible in her laugh. 

But not to him. 

So when he finally heads her way by the drink table, he ducks down by her ear to say,

“I know you’re feeling some type of way, so when you’re ready, come find me, yeah?”

She turns to look up at him, eyes wide and mouth open in shock.

“What? How do you know–?”

“I can tell,” he takes her drink bottle and twists it open, the fizz hissing on them both. “You don’t have to go through it alone. Just find me.”

He hands her her drink then walks away, his boots clicking on the concrete and she stares after him. What did he mean he could tell? No one could tell. She’s perfected this mask for so long there’s no way someone would be able to see past it.

It’s Sunday when they’re together again and now she has a vacant look in her eyes. Something else has triggered her and it makes Ashton nervous to see her so visibly shook by it. She’s not paying attention to those around her, staring off into space and it isn’t until he gets closer that he sees how blown her pupils are. 

Not being shy of smoking weed himself, he has no judgment, they’ve even gotten high a few times together but this time is different. Usually she’s more giggly and sleepy when she smokes but this…this is making her all wrong. 

He sees it before it’s about to happen but he’s too late to offer any aid when she bumps into the table and knocks over the punch bowl. The red liquid splashes onto her legs and shoes turning her white shoes pink. There’s a stunned silence and she just stares down at the chaos she caused before running away and slamming right into Ashton. 

“It’s okay, come with me,” he says in her hair. His arms are tight around her as he lifts her effortlessly off the ground and carries her inside. 

The chatter starts up again outside and she’s shaking like a leaf against him, her fingers pinching his biceps through his shirt. They’re in the kitchen, far enough away from the crowd outside and he sets her down on the counter, she curves into herself with her hands hiding herself away from Ashton’s eyes. 

“y/n, look at me,” he murmurs trying to pry her hands from her face. She shakes her head vehemently and he can see some punch is on her fingers. “y/n, it’s okay it was an accident. Let me take your shoes off so you’re not so sticky.”

He bends down to peel off her sneakers then sees her toes are painted a pretty pink. He unravels the roll of paper towel, runs a portion of it under the sink then starts to clean up her legs. The punch splattered up her shins and knees, even a few splotches on her thighs. 

“I ruined everything,” she whispers. 

“You didn’t ruin a thing,” he shakes his head then glances at her sneakers, “well, except your sneakers.”

That earns a small chuckle from her, the sound is so sweet and broken Ashton turns to the noise but she’s still hidden behind her hands. He uses the opposite end of the towel clump to dry her off. 

“How much did you smoke before you got here?” he asks.

“How do you know?”

“Your eyes.”

“I didn’t smoke it…”

“A gummy?” he inquires nonchalantly. He doesn’t want you to think he’s judging because that might make you paranoid and scared. 

“Yeah. A full one. I don’t know the dosage.”

“Was it from Gage?” he asks and she nods peeking through his fingers. “Then it was a lot. And you drove here?”

“I’m so stupid–”

“Stop it,” he tosses the towels in the garbage then leans on the counter over her. He tries to move her hands away and this time she lets him. Her mascara is smudged, the whites of her eyes are bloodshot. “I’ll drive you home, where are your keys?”

“My bag is outside,” she sniffs.

“I’ll be right back. Stay put,” he squeezes her knee then heads back outside. He’s swarmed by people asking if she’s okay and he simply says he’s taking her home. When he comes back inside she’s slumped against the cabinets, her cheeks framed by her hands as she stares unblinkingly at the floor. 

“My lips feel fuzzy,” she mumbles.

“I bet they do. Ready to go? Can you carry your shoes?” 

She hums a yes and hops down the counter but stumbles into Ashton. He steadies her, slings her bag over his shoulder and guides her out the front door. He helps her in the passenger side, making sure she’s buckled. 

Ashton keeps glancing her direction on the drive, he can see how sleepy she’s becoming even though her eyes are darting at the palm trees on the side of the road. She’s gnawing on her lip in a worrisome way. 

“Are you hungry at all?” he asks.

“I want ice cream with sprinkles. And cheese fries.”

“Okay,” he smiles then turns into a fast food drive-thru. 

When they get their food she tries to open up the cheese cup.

“No, no, no, you might spill and I know you don’t want melted cheese in your car.”

“But Ash!” she whines and pulls out two pieces of fries. She pops them in her mouth.

“Don’t eat them all or you’ll be very sad when we get home,” he warns. She snuck one more fry before rolling up the bag and sitting nicely against her seat. 

They end up watching a movie while they eat their fries and shakes. She does a little happy dance each time she has a fry dipped in cheese. 

“How’re you feeling?” he asks as the credits roll and she’s somehow found her way into his lap. He’s been petting her hair, letting his fingers thread through the strands for the last twenty-five minutes, her eyes becoming heavier.

“Kinda broken.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not yet. I need a little time yet, I think,” she sighs.

“Okay.” 

“Time…time…can we watch Back to the Future?”

She was out like a light in the first ten minutes.

On Tuesday he texted her asking if she had any plans and she said no so he swung by to pick her up. She badgered him the whole time wondering where they were going but he wouldn’t budge. She was still confused when they arrived at the building then she heard glass shattering down one of the halls. 

“Welcome to the Breaking Place,” a bubbly teen with bright pink hair said. “Are we here for a breakup, loss of job?”

“We’re here for feeling all the feelings and not knowing what to do with them,” Ashton says.

“Perfect. What’s your weapon of choice? Sledgehammer, bat, or fire poker?”

“I’ll do a sledgehammer, what about you, y/n?” Ashton asks and you’re staring at the girl in surprise.

“You brought me to a break room?” she whispers.

“Yeah. You’re feeling broken so why not break other stuff? Let all the emotions out. Choose your weapon, babe.”

She thinks it over for a second.

“Give me a bat.”

While they got dressed in the suits, pulled on gloves and goggles they listened to the teen explain the rules. Protective gear needs to be on at all times unless weapons of destruction are out of the hands. You can smash plates on the floor but not the wall. You can scream and shout and yell and cry as loud as you want. 

Upon entering the room there were piles of plates on a worn table, multiple TVs, windows leaning against other tables, small lockers that have some dents in them and a glass cabinet.

“Have fun!” the teen sang and shut the door. 

“What do you want to hit first?” Ashton asks, adjusting his goggles. 

“The plates first, so I can get a feel of it.”

“Go for it.”

He watches her walk hesitantly towards the plates, her gloved finger circles the circumference before picking it up. It has a cheap design around the edges and then she slams it to the ground. It shatters and she smiles. She does another one then another one until she takes one in each hand and destroys them in tandem. When all the plates are broken she moves to one of the TVs.

She lifts the bat and swings hard right in the center. It concaves and broken pieces fall to the ground. Ashton watches her whack and smack at it some more, each thrust more powerful. Soon she’s screaming as she smashes and bats at the wood. Ashton watches as she destroys everything in the room, using all her might, all her strength until she becomes visibly drained.

Ashton drops his hammer the same time you let out a loud wail, the bat falling from her grip and rolling on the floor. The glass cracks under his feet as he goes to her and she slams into his chest. The sobs finally come forward and he holds her tightly. 

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs then pulls the hood down and removes her goggles. His thumbs rub at her tears. “I’ve always got you, okay? I know you hurt sometimes and feel like you have no one but you’ve always got me.”

You nod meekly in his hold.

“There’s so much going on and so much to remember…I don’t know what to do first.”

“Let’s write it all down and go through it together.”

“Some of it is from work–”

“I’ll help as much as I can. You aren’t alone. The guys will help out, too. You have no idea how many people love you, y/n.”

“My problems are so miniscule to theirs–”

“That’s your brain tricking you,” he shakes his head. 

“It’s hard to ask for help.”

“I know, and I know it’s because of your dad. He made you feel like a burden and got angry when you asked for help but that’s never going to be an issue with me. You call me whenever, wherever, no matter the time.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” she shakes her head.

“What if we come up with a safe word? When you’re feeling too close to the edge, text it and I’ll come running.”

“Could it be a song?”

“Whatever you want,” he nods.

“Can it be your song? Emotions? It says exactly what I feel.”

“It’s perfect.”

“Thanks for everything, Ash.”

“Anytime,” he smiles and kisses her forehead.

____________________

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[blueboycal]

the feeling of falling upwards is a better album title than 5sos5

[mgcalum]

[venusplanetofloveee]

The og tumblr boys.

[limophoitos]

kinda need the 5sos boys to go on hot ones. all four of them. if nsync did it so can they

[suchalonelysunflower]

Teach me a melody (a.i)

Pairing: Teacher! Ashton Irwin x teacher!fem! reader

Summary: Valentine's Day at school and someone has a surprise for you

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.8

Author's note: self indulgent cause I'm a teacher that loves VDAY. might become a blurb series? REMEMBER THAT REBLOGS ARE IMPORTANT AND APPRECIATED as well as COMMENTS, LIKES AND INTERACTIONS. Please, SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading

My masterlist // taglist in comments.

*

Valentine’s Day, a full 24 hours where people get into a frenzy of either showing how in love they were, complaining about the capitalist propaganda, or wallowing in their own woe of not having found anyone to spend the day with. And, of course, all three scenarios prove to be true in the craziest, hormone-filled place of all: Highschool. 

“I swear if Jamie got me one of those chocolate bars from the candy machine again…” You heard one sophomore complain to their friend as they passed you by in the hallway. A small smile crept on your face when you remembered Jamie carrying a toddler-size teddy bear out of their car earlier this morning. 

Out of the corner of your eye you watched as the theater kids began with their annual project of singing telegrams to raise some money for their spring musical. You wondered how many renditions of Bruno Mars’s “Just the way you are” you’ll hear this year interrupting your classroom. 

Contrary to popular belief, you loved it. 

Ever since you were a child you loved Valentine’s Day. You enjoy watching people express their love in so many, creative ways. You like every picture, watch every video and swoon a little with the classical proposal you see at least once every February 14th. And yes, you firmly believed that love should be expressed every day and not just once a year, but there was just something so magical about this day where everyone celebrated love and the energies were filled with hopes and dreams.

You walked through the halls with ease and with a silly love song playing in your brain. You smiled at the students that were already waiting at the door of your classroom and wished them a good morning as you unlocked the door for them. There were still a few minutes before the bell rang, so there wouldn’t have been any problems for them to just take their seats a bit earlier. 

“Oh my god! Who got you those flowers?” You asked one of your students as they came in carrying a whole bouquet. 

“Me!” They laughed “I love me the most and I can buy my own flowers whenever I want to” 

You laughed along with them “I can’t argue with that amazing logic. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart” 

“Happy Valentine’s Miss L/N!” Your student said and went in and took their seat.

In the meantime, your eyes couldn’t help but wander to the classroom in front of yours. Feeling your heart beat a little bit faster when you noticed the lovely curly-haired man that sat at the desk. 

You looked at the time and bit your lip slightly. Yes, you had enough time. 

“Good morning, Mr. Irwin!” You called, knocking on his open door. 

The man turned at the sound of his name, a wide smile forming on his face the moment he saw you leaning against the doorframe. 

Ashton Irwin, the music teacher. One of the youngest, most handsome, and most beloved teachers in the whole school. He was one of the many additions to the staff alongside yourself and a few others last year after many of the senior teachers finally retired. It would’ve been a lie to say that you didn’t fancy him from the first moment you saw him. His hazel eyes and easy smile; the way he laughed and how easy it was for him to make friends with everyone, even yourself; how all of his students love him, even the troublemakers. He was just so effortlessly cool, it would be impossible to deny your little crush on him.

“Y/N!” He said, never have been one for formalities “Good morning! I thought you were one of my students, I was about to tell you to nod off somewhere else because my first class is in the third period”

“And you need the peace and quiet to last a bit more? Ah, so easy the life of an artist. Never having to read essays about how William Shakespeare would’ve “ate” in booktok” He chuckled, you blushed “I’ll leave you to enjoy your free time” 

“I never said you should leave,” He pouted “I do enjoy the company of adults in my free time” His eyes lingered on you for a bit “You look rather festive” 

You looked down at your pink shirt; red, pink, and white nails with hearts drawn on them; and unconsciously touched your heart-shaped earrings as you blushed. 

“Would you believe me if I say that the shirt was white until a stranger put their red socks on the washing machine?” 

Ashton let out a loud laugh “I would believe anything you say, Y/N. Though I didn’t take you for someone that loved V-Day” 

“I’ve always loved it,” You confessed with a shrug “It was my parent’s favorite holiday, always making a big show out of it and including me and my siblings with a big lunch before they went out on a date of their own. I loved their love and I guess that made me love love in general” 

You raised your eyes and found him sitting back on his chair, eyes focused on you as a soft smile adorned his face. 

“It’s silly, I know-”

“Not at all,” Ashton said, ever so calmly “I love that story, thank you for sharing it” 

“What about you?” You asked, looking around the decoration-free classroom “Not in the mood for love?” 

“Ehh, I didn’t put that much thought into it. I never really do unless I have someone to share it with” 

“Well, I’m in the same boat as you. But I still love to celebrate it” You shrugged, ignoring the way both your eyes gleamed with something more than recognition when you both admitted to being single “Anyway, I should go to class. The bell’s about to ring” 

“Y-yeah! Of course” He blushed “Have a nice day, Y/N” 

“You too, Ash” You smile as you walked back to your class and ignored the “ooohs” of your students when you entered, looking back at the neighboring class to see Ashton smiling at that. 

*

It was almost the end of the school day when someone knocked at your classroom door. 

“Excuse me, Miss L/N?” One of the theater kids popped their head in “We have a very important sing-a-gram to send” 

“Oh?” You asked in a teasing tone, making your students giggle “Of course, dear. And who would that be for?” 

A group of teenagers came in, all wearing knowing smiles as one of them said: “It’s actually for you, miss. From a secret admirer” 

The class absolutely went mad at that, cheering and hollering as the group started to sing a beautiful version of “All of Me” by John Legend. You sat there absolutely bewildered, smiling widely in awe at the gesture. You thanked them after they were done, congratulating them on their talent and wishing them a good day. And if you thought you'd seen a glimpse of a curly head watching over the door’s window, it was most likely your imagination. 

*

As you were sorting out the last of your papers and got everything ready to go home, your ears picked up a familiar melody coming from the class across the hall. A small smile played on the corner of your lips as you ventured over there, knowing what you might find. 

Ashton was sitting at the piano that stood in the middle of the room. His fingers gracefully pressed on the tiles as the melody soared. He was so concentrated that he didn’t even hear you come in. 

“Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections” He sang. 

You’ve heard him sing before, but that didn’t take away from the fact that it took your breath away each time he did. His voice was on a lower register, calm and soothing as the words dripped like honey out of him. It completely hypnotized you as you leaned against the door frame, watching over him with a new, indescribable feeling inside your heart. 

“Cause I’ll give you all of me if you’d give me all of you. Cards on the table I’m showing all my hearts, risking it all for a chance…” The slight change of lyrics called your attention “Cause all of me loves all of you. You’ll be my end and my beginning if you’d have me mmm-hmm…”  

He ended up humming the rest of the song, closing his eyes as he let the music move him. That is something you always admired about him; his passion for what he does. It didn’t matter if it was teaching, playing, or even talking to you about the last book he read and he thinks you might like it. Ashton’s heart always had space for more, and if he were to share it completely, you knew you’d want to be a part of it.

When he was done, his hands kept still, ghosting over the tiles. He sighed and grabbed a pen and a notebook and he started scribbling on it. 

“That was gorgeous, Ash” 

The sound of your voice startled him. He turned to you so quickly that you were sure it gave him whiplash. He was a blushing mess as he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

“Sorry,” You said, “I didn’t mean to-”

“No!” He shouted, cringing at his own tone of voice “No, I’m sorry- I’m used to being the only one here. And-” He sighed, not knowing what else to say “Did you listen to all of it?” 

“Yeah, I really liked it” You smiled softly at him, walking forwards “Must be a really special person for you to rewrite a whole song for them” 

“It’s, uhm�� It’s something I’ve been working on with my students” Ashton admitted “Trying to adapt songs to their own situations and feelings… It might help them connect with lyricism better”

“And your feelings are…?”

“Unrequited, I'm afraid” He smiled sadly at you as you came to stand in front of him “I don’t know how to make her notice me as something more” 

“Maybe she already knows,” You said, looking at the tiles and letting your fingers grace over a few of them “You know I got that song in a sing-a-gram today, the OG version” 

Ashton smiled, trying to mask his tone as he asked “Really?” 

“Mmhmm, someone might’ve been listening to me talk about how that’s one of my favorite songs. The kids didn’t tell me who it was, though”

“Do you want to know who it was?” 

“When they are ready to share it, yes,” You said, looking back at him and finding his eyes already on you. Gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips. You smiled “Would you teach it to me?” 

Ashton smiled as he scooted over on the bench, patting the space next to him for you to sit. His hands covered yours and guided you through a dance across the piano, letting the melody say the rest. 

*

*

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[33-81]

missed but never forgotten 💔

[poisoneitherway]

devil's in the details pt.3

[valentiyne]

𝖺𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 716 ❀ 𝗅𝗎𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗆𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌

Luke Hemmings x Fem!Reader Summary: Paper-thin walls and numerous noise complaints.

FULL BOOK: MIDNIGHT | L.R.H Warnings: None! Slight swearing if you squint hard enough Word Count: 2.8k Copyright © 2023 Valentiyne. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻

Game Night was hosted every third Friday of the month. Cramped in the new tiny apartment, 7 friends and their significant others wound up on my shitty couch shouting nonsense at each other.

The living room consisted of the old couch, my TV on top of a cardboard box I hadn't quite unpacked yet, and numerous card games.

Holding the slip in my hand, I eye the timer in front of me on the makeshift coffee table My eyes scanned the paper quickly before jumping up and snapping my fingers, "Okay okay, it's born in the water but moves onto land when older."

My friends stare at me dumbfounded, their minds elsewhere as I furrow my brows and tap my feet numerous times. "Come on guys, it's what a tadpole turns into when it's older!" I'm practically yelling now, eyes darting between my friends sitting down and the tiny timer on the table.

"A baby turtle?"

"Andddd time"

I groan in annoyance, dropping the slip of paper while walking back to the spot on the couch, and plopping down with a huff.

"A baby turtle? Seriously?' I scoff, rolling my eyes at my friends who couldn't contain their laughter at my obvious annoyance.

"Okay I'll go nex-", My friend Abby was cut short by a knock on the door. It wasn't necessarily a pound, but it definitely made all of us go silent.

We all look at each other quickly, almost mentally counting everyone to make sure it wasn't an expected visitor.

I slide off the couch, my eyebrows raised for a moment before I walk towards the door. Standing on my tiptoes, I look through the peephole to see my next-door neighbor, Lucas, standing there with an annoyed expression painted on his face. I sigh and unlock the door, poking my head out with a smile.

"Are we too loud?", I ask with innocent eyes, my bottom lip tugged into my teeth as I speak quietly. Lucas gave a friendly smile, his eyebags hidden behind his eyeglasses as he turned to point at his door, "I know it's a Friday night but I'm really busy in the studio tonight... kind of hard to concentrate when there's a bunch of girls next door squealing over....?"

I finish the sentence for him, "If tadpoles are baby turtles." I rub the back of my neck shyly, laughing almost to myself.

"Right yeah, is there any way to keep it down just a tad?"

I give him a thumbs up before we part ways- him rubbing his eyes and kicking his door shut with his bare foot and me turning around and closing it softly. My friends all huddled up behind the door, eavesdropping on our conversation, and as soon as the door shut, they all squealed quietly.

"Oh my gosh! Y/n!", My friend Abby gushing, nudging me with her shoulder harshly. "You never told me you have huge chemistry with your neighbor?"

My eyes grow wide and my hands shoot up in defense, "Oh no- Lucas? He's just a neighbor"

All of my friends' eyes were on me now, and an awkward silence fell upon us. I give a mere shrug before walking back over to the coffee table to scoop up all the cards spawled across it.

"Game night at mine next time?", Abby asks from beside me, picking up the numerous cups with mysterious liquids in them with a disgusted look on her face.

I just nod in response, shoving the cards in their rightful places before sighing softly. We said our goodbyes with platonic kisses on the cheeks and dramatic waves before I was left alone in my apartment again.

It was cold, empty, and dead silent in here- completely opposite of the neighbor beside me I'd assume. My bedroom was similar to the living room- a tiny mattress rested on the floor and my toiletries were packed away in numerous boxes I was too lazy to unbox. My head hits the stiff pillow below me and I could hear Lucas in his bedroom strumming his guitar, humming to himself lowly.

It was a little after one o'clock in the morning, but he seemed to be wide awake singing.

"some things are meant to be secret and not to be heard"

It had officially been two weeks since the game night and two weeks since he came to my door. Lucas and I would occasionally make eye contact on the way to the mailboxes or even hold the elevator for one another- but not a single word was shared between us. He was always in his own world, his head bobbing to an imaginary beat inside his head.

Every night I could hear him singing to himself softly, the wall dividing our bedrooms was as thin as paper. The occasional groan and the sound of notebooks hitting the wall distracted me on nights I needed to sleep, but I never once said anything to him. He was a musician- and a very good one to say the least. I didn't want to be the annoying next-door neighbor.

I swing my door open, looking out into the hallway and scanning each door before finally averting my eyes to his own. The wrench in one hand was held on with a tight grip while the other hand carried the TV mount at my side. I could hear the sounds of various instruments being played from behind his door, his voice clearing every few moments to restart a lyric if it didn't sound right the first time.

The hand that held the wrench swung up, knocking on his door a few times before I took a step back and awkwardly looked around the hallway once again. The sounds from behind his door abruptly stopped and I could hear his heavy footsteps making their way towards the door now. Taking one more step back, I watched as Lucas opened the door and looked down at me,

"I'm sorry, am I being too loud?", He cheekily asked, a smile painted on his lips.

"No no, you're fine.", I laugh at his innocent teasing, quoting our most recent encounter. "I was actually coming over to see if you knew how to mount a TV", I poke my head around his figure and motion towards his apartment, "but seeing as you're busy-"

"I'm not busy." He corrects me, leaning inside his door to grab his keys before turning back towards me and grabbing the box from my hand. "Let me help you out, it'll take 10 minutes tops."

It didn't take 10 minutes. Hell, It didn't even take 30 minutes.

There Lucas and I both were, tools of various shapes and sizes sprawled out across my apartment floor and a cheap bottle of wine I found at the back of my fridge.

"Lucas are you sure you know how to-"

"It's Luke and yes, I know how to do this", he grumbles nonsense to himself as he flips through the instruction manual for the third time tonight. I sighed to myself slightly, trying to keep myself from laughing by taking a swig of the wine.

"Could always just use thumbtacks"

This makes Luke laugh, his eyebrows relaxing on his face and cheeks going bright red. He tosses the manual at me, and I put my hands up to defend myself.

"I'm pretty sure some thumbtacks couldnt hold a 35 pound Tv," He holds his stomach as he rolls around my floor, laughing loudly. I roll my eyes at this, groaning and tossing the screwdriver on the floor.

"Look, it's getting late. I'll just have you come over and do it another time.", I point towards the clock, which was held up with thumbtacks, that read two o'clock in the morning.

"Oh shit, sorry I totally spaced it," Luke stands up now, gathering up his tools quickly and giving me a crooked smile. "I'll swing by sometime this week to help you, I promise." I'm smiling now, shooing him out the door quickly.

"Yeah yeah see you later, rockstar", I tease and close the door abruptly, only to be stopped by a foot in the way.

"What are you doing tomorrow?", The way his eyes glimmered in the hallway light, his hair slicked back from sweat and cheeky dimples appeared as he smiled at me.

"I have finals tomorrow morning, and I'll probably be dead by the time its over- anytime after that I'm free.", I groan dramatically and push my palm into my forehead.

Luke just nods, freeing his foot from the doorway, and gives me a thumbs up, "I'll be sure to be quiet tonight so you can get your rest." I thank him kindly and give him a soft wave before closing the door behind him.

Luke was anything but quiet. I tossed and turned throughout the night, pushing the pillow closer to my ears as I heard him attempting to sing a lyric he wasn't even finished with. if there's one thing I've learned about him in the month and a half I've known him- he was a perfectionist. He sang the same things over and over countless times making sure it was absolutely perfect.

"Cause all these bodies are hoping to get addicted-"

I swing my arm up, smacking on the wall a couple times before groaning and letting it fall to my side once again. His side of the wall went silent immediately, the shuffling of papers and a small mumbled "sorry" was heard.

Luke had avoided me from that point forward: he didn't hold the elevator for me nor did he come and check his overflowing mailbox.

I found myself at his door once again, knocking in one swift movement before clearing my throat. I could hear him shuffling around his apartment, a loud thud followed by a "shit, one second!".

The door opens and a dripping-wet Luke is before me, a towel tightly wrapped around his waist. I blink a few times, holding my gaze above his shoulders out of respect.

"Why are you avoiding me", I ask in a monotone voice, cutting straight to the point. He raises his eyebrows at this now, one hand sassily on his hip.

"Who said I was avoiding you?", He chuckles lightly and opens the door wider, motioning for me to enter. My nose is filled with the smell of the oven baking something sweet mixed with his charcoal body wash. I step inside with a smile, closing the door behind me.

Luke wipes the water from his face and turns away from me, entering his bathroom for a split second, leaving me standing in his kitchen.

I glance around his living room: Pictures of his friends and family are hung up neatly on the wall, his instruments are laid out on the floor around his couch, and his bookshelf is overflowing with numerous copies of musical books.

He emerges from the bathroom once again, now clothed in a sweatshirt and basketball shorts and the towel that was once wrapped around his waist was now encased in his curls.

"I was just going to invite you over actually," He laughs again, flashing me his million-dollar smile before pointing at his dining table. It was decorated with a lace tablecloth, a small bouquet of flowers sitting in a glass-decorated vase, and a plate of steaming hot pasta was laid out. I smile to myself slightly, looking back up at him before taking my seat at the table, he rushes forward, scooting my chair in for me before taking his own seat across from me.

"What's the occasion?" I ask while picking up my fork, poking at the seafood pasta that was professionally plated. If you would've told me he hired a chef to make dinner- I would've believed you.

"I was loud on the night of your finals and I felt horrible knowing I kept you up all night", He picks up his napkin and places it neatly on his lap, "I wanted to make it up to you after I mounted your TV buttt you showed up a little early", He teases.

I take a bite of my food, groaning into the fork with a muffled giggle as my eyes look up at his. The food was amazing, and the flavor was intricately picked out to perfection.

Going back, this perfectly proved my point that Luke was a perfectionist.

We found small talk, conversing over what I was majoring in and what he was busy working on.

"So the album is almost done, I just need to finish this last song," He shrugs his shoulders and scrapes at the remains off his plate. I smile to myself, looking up now with innocent eyes, "Maybe I can help?"

He stands up abruptly, turning around and opening the oven to reveal the freshly baked brownies he had made- from scratch may I add. I groan in anticipation and rub my hands together dramatically. He grabs the brownies with oven mitts, turning around and facing me.

"If you want to help me, I'll allow it", he laughs and places the pan down gently and walks towards his living room, picking up a notebook that was previously thrown across the room.

"Here", he places it in front of me, removing my empty plate and walking

The notebook was written in barely eligible handwriting, with numerous words crossed out and mental notes scribbled on the sides.

Some things are meant to be secret and not to be heard so if I tell you, just keep it and don't say a word. when the doors are all closing.....It's bound to get ?? all these bodies are hoping to get addicted to

The rest of the page was scribbled out, lyrics that never made the cut. I snatch the pen from the metal spiral holding the pages together and click it once.

"it's bound to get.... loud?" I scribble it down next to the question marks and look up at him, scratching his chin with a nod. His cheeks were red now, the wine flushing through his body.

"What rhymes with loud?"

I look up at him now, as he scoots his chair right up next to me to the point our legs are touching.

"Cloud, hmmm,"

"Sound," we both say in unison.

Luke claps his hands together and grabs the pen from my hands, opening the notebook to a new page and scribbling down the new and improved lyrics. I watch him closely, the way his eyes twinkled and dimples poked through when he was concentrating.

I was so screwed. I was falling for my next door neighbor.

I didn't see him for another two weeks, his side of the wall seemed eerily vacant and completely silent. I even knocked a few times in hopes he'd knock back in some sort of rhythm, but there was no response.

Hearing the knock on my door shot my body out of bed, sweat dripping down my neck and sides. I groan and tap on my phone to check the time, blinding myself in the process. The pounding never stopped, not until I stumbled out of bed and opened my door. My heart skipped a beat, praying that the blonde would be on the other side with that cheeky smile I adored.

"Hello?", I ask in a groggy voice whilst rubbing my eyes and squinting up at the person who disturbed my slumber- at 2 a.m. may I add.

Instead of a person, I was met with an empty cold hallway. I avert my gaze down and towards my door mat. There, set up neatly was a bouquet of flowers with a note tied to the front with white lace.

I smile at myself and crouch down, picking up the thoughtful gift and looking down the hallway one last time before kicking my door shut.

Y/n,

I'm sorry I didn't see you before I left. Our album releases at 2:30am today and I was supposed to leave at 2... I just knew I had to leave you something on my way out. I hope you like the flowers I picked out my mom helped me.

I'd have probably sent you the link to the album by the time you finish reading this note.

I'm going to be all over the world, touring and doing what I love. I can't wait to be back home and see you again, i'll make sure to facetime every change I get.

love,

your rockstar

I could hear the familiar ringtone from my bedroom, alerting me that Luke was a man of his word. I wipe a few stray tears and make my way to the bedroom, snatching my phone up with my free hand and clicking the link he had sent me.

This is the song I spent the last 3 months working on, keeping you tossing and turning until finally you perfected it.

Mp3.ifwallscouldtalk.demo