#ashes of memory episode 2

[t0bey]

pretty much the entire racecourse holdup scene in AOM episode 2

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

In Every Universe

Well. S2EP7 huh. What a ride. Went back to rewatch parts of it while researching for this fic and man, does it still hit as hard as ever. I suppose the sad Arcane playlist didn't help either.

Right, here it is, the longest piece I've ever written in all my years of fanfiction writing. I'm so glad Arcane existed, for all its flaws I still love the series with my whole heart and especially a certain one-eyed war criminal underground drug lord.

Playlist I listened to while writing this:

Spoilers for Arcane Season 2 Episode 7 ahead

One moment you're face to face with the arcane itself, and the next you're staring at a wooden ceiling that's somehow familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. There's something warm next to you and your confused mind registers the weight of something on your chest.

Your first instinct is to quickly free yourself, to put some distance between you and the possibly harmful object, so you lash out at it, rolling off the bed. A rather familiar sounding yelp of pain comes from your left, but your disoriented mind can't remember why it sounds so familiar.

"Easy there, love," a voice groans. Your breath catches in your throat when the figure the voice belongs to sleepily sits up, rubbing his eye.

Silco?

You shake your head. This can't be, he's dead, you've seen his body, you know for certain he's dead, but then why are you seeing this? An illusion? A trick of the mind? Hallucinations?

Your mind races through the possibilities, each more absurd than the last. 'Silco' slides off the bed, carefully approaching you as he should and you properly take in his appearance. Gone is his orange and black eye, instead white surrounds a pale yellow iris. His features are softer, sea-foam coloured eye filled with a level of concern and worry you've only seen him show before he became The Eye of Zaun.

"Love?" His voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

You narrow your eyes at him, muscles tensing. "If this is an illusion, it's a terrible one considering you can't even replicate Silco properly."

"What are you talking about, love? The last I checked, I wasn't an illusion," 'Silco' tilts his head in confusion and raises his hands in surrender. "I mean you no harm, love."

Your hands clench into fists. His words may not contain any lies you can detect but you know better than to let down your guard in unfamiliar territory. You shift your foot and lunge at him, tackling 'Silco' to the ground with a snarl. His eye widens but just like the Silco you know, he quickly regains his signature calm and throws you off.

"I don't want to hurt you, love, but you're not giving me much of a choice with that attitude of yours." 'Silco' huffs. His palms remain open but you can see his muscles tense slightly. You continue your barrage of attacks, and he counters them all with practiced ease, as though he's seen those moves a thousand times before.

The both of you dance until you gain the upper hand by pulling out a move that catches him off guard and pin him to the ground. Your hand slips to where you know he hides a dagger but your fingers find nothing, to your surprise. Taking advantage of that moment, 'Silco' rolls out from under you, panting.

"Now now, love. I know we're married but still, warn me before you start feeling me up." He flashes you a cheeky grin, something he hasn't done in a long time and leaves you even more confused. Something isn't adding up, he's both the Silco you know and isn't. He knows your fighting moves, knows how to counter them which proves that he is the Silco you know and he smells like the Silco you know — cigar ash and scotch. However his left eye is different and he doesn't carry Vander's dagger on him at all times. Wait did he say the two of you are married?

"Married?" You echo.

"Don't tell me you lost your memory," he frowns. "You're acting weird today, love, what has gotten into you?"

"You're the weird one!" You spit back. There's no sensible explanation for any of this…unless…

"Everything alright in there? I know I told you two to turn things down especially at night, some of us need to sleep." Yet another familiar voice sounds from outside the door.

Vander?

"Everything's fine, and don't worry you'll be getting the sleep you need every night," 'Silco' drawls before turning back to you. You stare wide-eyed at the door, throat tightening as emotions threaten to overwhelm you. Flashes of your past with the two brothers race through your mind, Vander's easy smile and comforting presence, Silco's sharp wit and seeming indifference towards you and Vander, your laughter and love for them both. A tear slides down your cheek and you bolt from the room, racing down the stairs you know so well and out the bar, only to be met with a city you don't recognise.

Zaun is lit up, the sun shining down on both cities as Zaunites and Piltovians alike walk past you, chatting away. The streets bustle as hawkers call out their wares and golden light shines upon the Bridge of Progress which is further littered with shops instead of blockades and enforcers. Everywhere you look, buildings stand tall and proud, colour decorates the dirty grey city you knew and your heart shatters.

This…is this what could have been?

Your vision blurs from the tears pouring down your face as it hits you. This is an alternate reality, there's no other explanation. A reality where Zaun becomes independent, co-existing as equals with Piltover. A reality where Silco and Vander's dream comes true.

You stand in the middle of the street with tear streaks on your cheeks, eyes puffy and feel so lost until someone drapes something over your shoulders. It's warm, whatever it is, and smells nice.

"I'm right here." Arms gently guide you to rest your head on a familiar shoulder. "Take all the time you need."

You're not sure why but that's all it takes for the dam to break and you find yourself sobbing hard into his shoulder. His arms wrap around you, pulling you closer and you feel his lips press against the top of your head. You hug him tightly, mind still screaming that this is all a dream, but if this is really just all a dream, you don't want to wake up.

Once you've calmed down, you lift your head and Silco smiles softly at you. "Shall we go home?"

You hum in agreement, letting him lead you back to The Last Drop. You can feel his hand resting on the small of your back, his shoulder brushing against yours and lean into the touch, grateful for the support. He feels the same as the Silco you know, and if you close your eyes, you're back there again, before the incident at the bridge, before you were forced to choose between Silco and Vander.

When you enter The Last Drop, 'Vander' slides a glass of your favourite drink towards you while 'Silco' takes a seat next to you.

"Nothing for me?" 'Silco' teases. 'Vander' laughs, but slides him a glass of scotch anyways. 'Silco' takes a sip before placing the cup between the two of you, gently resting his hand on your forearm. You cautiously place your own hand on top of his, it fits the same way as your Silco's hand does, but your Silco is dead and this Silco is alive. Then again your Vander is dead and this Vander is alive.

You sniff the drink in front of you, eyeing it warily. 'Silco' snorts, lifting the glass to his lips and takes a mouthful. "See? Not poisoned. What has gotten into you today?"

You frown, tapping your finger on the counter top as you think of a way to broach this topic. How were you going to explain that somehow, you had been transported into your body from an alternate universe? There was also the nagging question of where Ekko, Heimerdinger and Jayce were, if they were even in this universe as well. You heave a sigh, looking into sea foam and grey eyes.

"Just a nightmare." You can't tell them anything, and doubt they'll believe you anyways. 'Silco' narrows his eyes but 'Vander' places a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 'Silco' scowls but relents and leaves you alone for the rest of the day, which you spend exploring this alternate reality.

Turns out, this is the reality in which Vi died in the explosion. 'Vander' has different tattoos, but he still betrayed 'Silco' and tried to kill him. How the two made up, well for whatever reason the two seemed adamant about keeping it quiet, but it made your heart ache for what could have been back in your universe.

That night, you can't sleep. Your mind is racing, going through everything you've learnt today. In the dark, you can see 'Silco' peacefully slumbering on his right side, an arm draped over your waist. His chest gently rises and falls with each breath he takes, his face buried into your chest. He looks completely different from your Silco when he sleeps, his dark brown hair tousled, facial muscles relaxed and lips curved into what looks like a smile. Your Silco never slept on his right side, always preferring to sleep on his left side with a dagger clutched under the pillow.

'Silco' mumbles something, stirring slightly and you shift, only for him to blindly grasp for your arm so that he can bury himself further into your chest, bringing a small smile to your face. It's been so long since you've shared your bed with another, maybe you can indulge him just this once. It wouldn't hurt…right?

You run your fingers through his hair, remembering the times where you'd comb his hair for him, gently pressing kisses to his scarred cheek until he told you he had a meeting to attend and then you'd kiss him on the lips for good luck before letting him go. 'Silco' purrs softly, nuzzling into you and holds you closer, a free heater on this cool night.

You miss this. You miss hugging your lover like it's your last moment in this world, you miss his touch, his warmth. You miss the way he holds you tightly when he's feeling down, the feeling of his forehead pressing against yours, the electricity that crackles in the air when his fingers linger on your hand longer than it needs to as he passes you his cigar. You miss the way he makes your heart race from all the small smiles he sends your way during a meeting with the chem-barons, the way he makes you stifle a laugh when he rolls his eye at their bickering, but most of all the way he holds your hand. Your palms have always slotted into each other's like puzzle pieces, made perfectly for one another.

This 'Silco' is the same, yet different, and despite all his faults, you've always loved your Silco. It's why you chose to side with him over Vander, why you walked down the path towards hell with him despite knowing where it led. You knew that given the choice again, you would always choose him over everything else, and if that made you loyal to him to a fault, so be it.

Still, you wonder if you could've steered him towards the path this 'Silco' took. Would you have been able to nudge him towards forgiveness, leaving his hatred and vengeance behind for the shared dream of Zaun? You shake your head, what's past is past, there's no changing it. The only thing you can do now it look forward, and push on ahead, as you know your Silco would want you to, but doing so is so much harder than knowing it.

I love you, the words you were never able to say to him. The both of you always knew how the other felt, but neither of you ever verbalised it. You trace 'Silco's' scars, wondering if this version of you ever uttered those words to him.

"Can't sleep, love?" He mumbles, rolling over so that he can see you.

"It's just…been a long day."

He hums, and then pulls you into a hug, resting his chin on the top of your head. Rubbing gentle circles on your back, he nuzzles your hair. "Then you better get as much rest as you can. I'll be here when you wake up."

Tears begin to fill your eyes again but you squeeze them shut, willing the grief away. If this is a dream, you want it to continue on forever. You don't want to wake up, you don't want to lose Silco and Vander again.

But you still wake up.

Because you have to.

On your second day, you learn that Ekko and Powder are preparing for a competition.

"Ekko?"

"Y/N?"

"Are you —"

"Do you know where we can talk in private?"

You've never been so relieved to hear that.

You learn that Ekko and Heimerdinger have met up, and that Jayce is nowhere to be found. Ekko has a theory that recreating what brought all three of you to this universe in the first place might be able to send you all back home, and he's been trying to do just that the past few days.

"Home," you echo, staring at the bustling city below.

"You…don't want to go back?"

"Do you?" Your question catches him off guard and he pauses, looking at the ground.

"I…I don't know."

"You and Powder, right?" You give him a knowing look and he looks away, embarrassed. "I know the feeling."

He raises an eyebrow but you press on, ignoring the inquisitive look he sends your way. "This world…this universe, it's everything we've wanted. Well, almost everything. Looking at all this, I don't know if I want to go back. Do I want to throw it all away just to go back to bloodshed, chaos and war?"

"We have people back home who need us."

Sevika.

Jinx.

Their faces flash in your mind and your throat constricts.

"We can't just abandon them, as much as we prefer this world." Ekko's eyes are hard. "We have to go back."

It's hurting him to say this, but he's saying it anyways because he knows it's right. You look back at the bright city of Zaun and sigh. Ekko speaks the cold hard truth, but you're torn. Going back means confronting the reality that Vander, and more importantly Silco, are forever lost to you, that Zaun is still struggling in the fight against Piltover, that you have to fight every day to survive, but going back also means reuniting with your closest friend Sevika, your adopted daughter Jinx, and you know they need you as much as you need them.

"I've made my mind up," Ekko turns to leave. "Let me know when you've made yours up. In the meantime, I'll be working on my theory with Heimerdinger."

"…thanks."

"Never thought I'd hear you thank me."

"Well, I never thought I'd end up in an alternate universe, so there."

Ekko snorts and leaves you alone with your thoughts. He's right, it seems this alternate universe is starting to influence you, in a good way from the looks of it. You huff in amusement, letting yourself smile and look out at the silhouette of Piltover in the distance. You owed it to your Silco to see his dream of an equal Zaun and Piltover, and the only way to do that was to go home.

"You doing alright?" You turn to see 'Vander' standing behind you.

"Well, that depends really. Are you talking physically, emotionally or mentally?"

"Even if he doesn't act like it, Silco's worried about you. He's been asking me to talk to you since you won't tell him what's going on."

"Aren't you supposed to keep that last part a secret?" You chuckle. He shrugs, moving over to stand next to you.

"Well, it's out of the bag now, he can't do anything about that. So, are you going to tell me if everything's alright or am I going to have to pry it out of you with alcohol?"

"Hmph." You take a seat and he follows, carefully watching your every move. "If you had to choose between being with the one you love and saving Zaun, which would you pick?"

"I would save Zaun." You blink at him, surprised at the lack of hesitation in his answer. You knew which option he would choose, but the speed at which he gave his answer was unexpected.

"If there's anything I've learnt from all these years, it's that the ones we love are never truly gone. They are right here." He places a hand over his heart. "Felicia, Vi, everyone we've lost, they're kept alive by our memories, our feelings, our thoughts, and are always with us."

"You always know what to say," you huff, choking back the tears. "Never missed a beat, not even once."

"You can always talk to us, little dove. We're always here for you, Silco and I." You throw yourself into Vander's arms, hugging him tightly. He wraps his arms around you in turn, holding you securely in his warm embrace.

Little dove. You never thought you'd hear that nickname again. The dove had died the day you chose to follow Silco down the path towards hell, you still remember the looks of sorrow Vander had given you as you turned your back on him, hate filling your eyes. You'd been angry at him for what he did to Silco, hurled words you wish you could take back, screamed then cried, wrapped in Silco's cold embrace as he whispered of the revenge the both of you would take on Vander.

And you never got the chance to apologise.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," you wail, clutching at his sleeves. "I should never have said any of that, I shouldn't have cursed you, I take it all back, I take it all back."

"I've already long forgiven you." His words are enough to make you break, screaming out your grief over what you've lost forever. You cry and cry, letting out all your regret, the bottled up emotions finally spilling out after years of containing them for the sake of staying strong. Your nails dig into his arms, gripping onto him for support as your body wracks with every cry. The world around you blurs from the tears and you feel your knees buckle but a pair of strong arms catch you.

"I've got you."

Your body squeezes out one last sob before it collapses, unable to bear the weight of it all anymore.

If only I had your back the same way you always had mine.

When you next open your eyes, you're back on your shared bed with 'Silco', with a singular sea foam coloured eye watching you. He shifts, moving closer to you and gently cups your cheek, thumb gliding over your skin.

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I thought following you into hell was the best thing I could do for you, but it wasn't. I should have said something, done something to stop you from destroying yourself, cleared your vision when it became clouded, but I was too weak to. I didn't want to lose you, not after losing everything else."

He presses a kiss to your forehead. "I'm right here, just as I promised."

That's right, how could you have forgotten? Promises whispered in the dead of night, huddled on the rooftop under a single coat, lips locking as fingers intertwined, foreheads pressed against each other, time freezing in that moment, the world condensed to just the both of you.

Stay by my side, always?

Always.

Moments clouded by the haze of anger, vengeance and hatred slowly begin to reveal themselves, memories buried the day you turned your back on Vander flooding back into your head. A warm hug, a hand ruffling your hair, deep laughter, the clink of glasses raised in toast to a new future, music playing in the background, a pen nib scratching on paper, hands brushing against one another sending tingles up your spine, a shy smile, lying on the rooftop looking up at nothing, dreaming of a better future.

"Stay, please."

"I'm not going anywhere, love. You're stuck with me forever."

You feel the bed dip as he moves to lie down next to you, slipping his hand into yours. Looking into his eye, you see a glimmer that your Silco lost along with his left eye, a quiet look of adoration, of endless love and you lean in, feeling his soft lips, tasting the scotch he loves to drink.

It feels wrong, this is not your Silco, but just for the moment you let yourself drift away, kissing him deeper, pouring all your love and regret into the act. He kisses back fervently, hungrily devouring you, eye closed as time comes to a stop around the both of you.

"I miss you," you breathe, lips parting. "I miss you so much."

"It's only been half a day."

"Shut up."

"Make me." You slam your lips against his once more, savouring the taste of him, fingers tangled in his hair. He pulls you closer, greedily devouring you. One hand rests on the back of your neck while the other rests on your back as he kisses you like there's no tomorrow. Maybe there is no tomorrow, maybe you have to go back to your universe tonight but right now, all you can think about is how much you've missed this.

Your lips finally part as you gasp for air, lost in the bliss of the moment. You feel his hands cup your cheeks, his forehead pressing against yours as you both bask in each other's presence. He's so warm, nothing like the body you cradled months ago as your world shattered, wails ripped from your throat. His touch is gentle, calloused fingers ghosting over your skin as he holds you like you're the most precious thing in the world.

It's nice, living in this universe where everyone you love is alive and well, where you're happily married to the man you've devoted your life to, but you know you don't belong. Your hands are stained with blood that you can never wash off, Shimmer taints the blood in your veins and your heart is broken beyond repair. In this world of peace, of wholeness, you will never find a place. It's made for the you of this universe, the you who still remembers how to live in a time of peace, who doesn't jump at every shadow believing it to be a threat.

You breathe in deeply, basking in his comforting presence. He still smells of cigar ash and scotch, but it's less sharp. You reach up, placing your hands on top of his and close your eyes. Like this, it's almost as if your Silco is the one cradling your face and you feel a silent tear slide down your cheek.

Damn, you've been crying a lot since you arrived in this universe.

He moves a hand to wipe the tear away, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. As he pulls back, his lips curve into a smile and you mentally save the image. You never imagined he could be capable of such levels of love after Vander's betrayal but here he was, having forgiven Vander, having the courage to marry you openly, having the courage to wear his wedding ring on his finger. He was so much stronger than you thought, and you feel bad for doubting him.

I never thought I'd see you smile like that again, even if it's you in another universe. The thought rings in your head and you can't help but let a chuckle slip. The first genuine laugh you've made since arriving in this universe.

"And what's suddenly so funny?" He does his signature head tilt, mockingly glaring at you. It seems some habits remain the same in every universe.

"Nothing," you hum, heart feeling lighter. It's like a weight has been lifted from your chest, and you feel free. You take in his features, remembering every line on your Silco's face, remembering the shape of his scar, remembering his touch, remembering the way he would kiss you, but these memories no longer choke you, no longer crush you under their weight. Instead, they're cast in a radiant glow, preserved in your heart.

He snorts in disbelief but doesn't press it further, choosing to cuddle under the blanket with you. Your fingers thread through his hair, the rhythm slowly lulling him to sleep and soon he's drifted off, allowing you to untangle yourself from him and slip out.

You head to the rooftop, breathing in the cool night air and watch the lights of the city below twinkle. Gone are the bright and aggressive neon lights of the Zaun you're familiar with, replaced with the soft glow of white lights.

It's beautiful. A different kind of beauty, but still as beautiful as the Zaun you know and love. The night breeze whispers in your ear, carrying the hums of the city's nightlife. You lie down on the cold hard floor, reaching up at the sky with one hand and wonder if you will ever be able to grasp the dream of an independent Zaun for your universe.

"Is the bed not comfortable enough for you?" 'Silco' sits down next to your head, leaning back on his palms.

"Nice to see you too." You've never really registered the fact that he doesn't hide his scars in this universe, but under the night lights, the ridges of his scar stand out, drawing your attention to them. He hums, looking out at the sprawling city.

"Do you think we fall in love in every universe?" You blurt out.

He looks over at you, raising an eyebrow. "Feeling sentimental all of a sudden?"

"Just thinking about it."

He hums, deep in thought. "I would like to believe so."

You smile. "Yeah, me too."

As the night goes by, you feel your eyes start to close. It's so tiring, sorting through your bottled up emotions, but as you look up to see 'Silco' smiling, you decide that maybe it's not so bad if it means you get to see him at peace.

The next few days pass by in a blur. You help 'Vander' prepare The Last Drop for the upcoming Innovator's Competition celebration, hanging up the decorations and drop by Ekko's place for updates on the machine. You do what you can to help Ekko, Powder and Heimerdinger out but amidst geniuses, you can only do so much. Still, as the machine comes closer and closer to completion, trepidation creeps in.

Are you really going to throw it all away just to go home?

On the day of the celebration, you take the chance to explore the city a little more, wanting to take in more of the sights before you return to your universe. 'Silco' offers to accompany you but you turn him down, telling him that it would just be a quick in and out. You see his expression falter for just a split second but he lets you go. You thank him, pressing a quick peck on his scarred cheek before slipping out the door, into the familiar yet unfamiliar streets of Zaun.

You wander around aimlessly, wondering if your Zaun will ever reach the same level of prosperity and peace. Children play in the water fountain, laughing as they splash about without a care in the world. Friends stand around, chatting away as if they have all the time in the world. You feel like a stranger here, used to the dark grey and the shadows that make up your Zaun.

Walking past a bakery, the smell of freshly baked bread fills your nose, bringing you back to the time when you had jumped into Silco's arms, laughing as you clutched a bag of fresh bread stolen from a Piltovian bakery, yelling at him to run before the enforcers could catch up. He had stood there for a moment, cheeks flushed before realising what you just said and took off running, gripping tightly onto your arm. You remember the adrenaline that had coursed through your veins, the loud and freeing laughter that rang through the air, the way you had breathlessly pinned him against the wall, kissing him for the first time as enforcers walked past the both of you, the bag of bread pressed between your bodies. You remember his flustered expression as you broke the kiss, adrenaline fading, his conflicted look before he pulled you in for another kiss, this time deeper.

You buy a bun just for old times' sake, tearing off a chunk. It's pretty good, although not as good as the one you stole. You had shared the stolen bread with Silco, cheekily taking a bite from his loaf and scarpering off before he could do the same to yours, his footsteps and shouts getting louder as he gained on you. He had taken his revenge that day, taking a bite from your loaf before flicking you on the forehead, grumbling about how you made him run so much.

You'd only laughed, ribbing him with your elbow before plopping onto your usual bar stool, eyes shining while he took out his notebook with a sigh, still nibbling on his bread and continued calculating The Last Drop's finances. Vander had shook his head in amusement once he found out what was going on, teasing Silco about getting married to you which caused Silco to bury himself further into his notebook, but neither you nor Vander missed the way the tips of his ears turned red.

The bread that day had tasted sweeter than usual, and back then you had chalked it up to a difference in baking but now that you think about it, it was probably because you were sharing it with Silco. You smile, taking another bite of your bread and continue your aimless journey, watching as the city moves all around you, going about their day.

A particular store catches your attention, the jewellery on display glinting in the light and you make your way over, still munching on your bread. Rings, bracelets, piercings and necklaces fill the counter, but a ring in particular catches your attention. It's a simple silver band on the surface, but you recognise the markings carved into it.

"You've got good taste. That ring's special, carved with archaic runes that are said to preserve the feelings of the gifter." The shopkeeper pushes the box in which the ring sits closer to you.

"So I've heard." You trace the runes, remembering the first time you laid eyes on this ring.

It had been during one of your little adventures into Piltover and a particularly fancy box had caught your eye. Making sure no one was looking, your nimble fingers had swiped the box and you disappeared into the shadows, curious about what lay within. Upon opening the box, you were disappointed by the sight that greeted you. It was a simple silver ring, with nothing of note until you looked closer. Something was carved into the metal, patterns that looked like runes. Now that was a ring worth selling. You had pocketed it, wondering how high you could sell it for until you overheard someone talking about proposing to their girlfriend with a ring amidst a flower field.

A romantic gesture huh. You had slipped the ring out again, looking it over. Would Silco appreciate such a gesture? Marriages were few and far between in Zaun, it was something few could even think about, and fewer chose to go with it. You didn't need marriage to know how Silco felt about you, it was as clear as day to those whom you wanted to know about it and that was more than enough for the both of you. Still, it would make a nice gift, so you had pocketed the ring and headed towards The Last Drop where your proposal had gone terribly unromantic.

You let slip a quiet chuckle as you recall that night, hand reaching for the ring hanging around the chain on your neck and tucked underneath your shirt only to grasp at nothing. Oh…right…this version of you never proposed to Silco via that ring so instead he had proposed to you with a different ring that this version of you wore on your ring finger. You fiddle with the ring on your finger, thanking the shopkeeper for her time before heading back to The Last Drop. It is almost time for the celebration, and you want dibs on the first bottle of alcohol opened.

The walk back feels strangely melancholic, maybe it's the colour the setting sun bathes the city in, maybe it's the thought of needing to leave this city behind when you go back to your universe since the machine is so close to completion, but you purposely walk slower than normal. Your fingers brush along the walls of buildings, run over the stone the water fountains are made from, and gently rest on the cooling metal of the benches.

How will you bid farewell to this universe's Silco? You sit on one of the benches, looking up at the sky, lost in thought. Your heart still yearns for Silco, but you also know that you have a responsibility to Jinx and Sevika, both of whom are in your home universe.

"Penny for your thoughts?" You look to your left as Heimerdinger climbs onto the bench, taking a seat next to you.

"No thanks." You turn your gaze back to the sky, arms draped over the bench's backrest.

"I must admit, I don't know what's troubling you, but I do know when someone's carrying a heavy burden." He follows your gaze, looking up at the sky. "And the burden you bear is a terribly heavy one."

"What do you know of carrying heavy burdens?"

"I know that it's heavier when carried alone, and that the bearer tends to think they're alone when in reality they aren't."

You laugh, "your kind live long lives, don't they?"

"Indeed we do."

"Do you have any regrets then?"

"Oh, plenty, but I've learnt to move on from them. No one doesn't have regrets, what defines us is how we deal with them. Some let their regrets consume them and wallow in self-pity, others rise above their regrets and learn from them. The question is how will you deal with yours?" Heimerdinger looks at you.

"I've been ignoring mine, pretending that they don't exist, but I've been forced to confront them here. I know I can't turn back time to fix my mistakes, I know they can never be fixed, but this — this universe, in this universe my regrets don't exist. I can be free of my regrets here, and yet, I have a duty to those from our universe. I have friends, other family, people to lead. I can't just abandon them, but I don't want to lose this paradise either." You heave a deep sigh, closing your eyes. "I don't know if I can lose the one I love for the second time."

"I admire your strength, it's a kind few possess. To still consider duty when it means losing someone you love again, it's a testament to who you are. I cannot claim to understand how you feel, but I have heard that we only ever truly lose someone when we forget them."

"Hmph. Vander." You snort. "Everywhere I go, he still influences the people around him."

"He must be quite the fellow."

"He is. The Hound of Zaun, people called him. Yet he's the gentlest and kindest person I know. And I let him die." Your words fade into a whisper. "All because I wasn't strong enough to steer the one I loved away from the path of destruction."

"You aren't the only one who has stood by and watched as someone they cared about destroyed themself." Heimerdinger bows his head. "I failed my pupil, and not a day goes by where I wonder if I should have done more back then, but I believe I did what I could. With hindsight as my teacher, I learn not to repeat that mistake so that I won't regret it again. I know you have the strength to do the same."

"Such optimism."

"I only speak the truth. Now then, I must go back to the lab and continue working on our way home. Enjoy yourself at the party, time is precious especially when we only have so much of it left."

"Enjoy myself huh. I suppose I can try." You stand up, stretching your limbs. "I doubt there'll be another party any time soon."

The party that takes place that night is nothing like you've ever experienced before. The floor is abuzz with excited young inventors showing off their latest fancy gadgets, alcohol exchanging hands as friends and lovers alike chat the night away, all the while you hang behind the counter, watching the scene unfold.

"Finally acting your age?" 'Benzo' laughs boisterously, slapping you on the back.

"Could say the same about you," you retort, taking a sip from your glass. 'Silco' had left earlier to mingle with other people, but you weren't exactly in the mood to form more relationships you knew were going to end soon. 'Vander' remained behind the bar counter to serve drinks and in the beginning you tried to help him, but you soon began trying each drink that was opened, much to his amusement and he 'fired' you from your job.

"Go out there and have fun, I've got it covered here." He had shooed you away but all you did was move a couple of steps before stopping, refusing to move any further. 'Vander' had sighed but had let you remain there, and still you remain at your spot, even after 'Silco' has long disappeared into the crowd.

Ekko meets your gaze and leans in, "so, what's your answer?"

"I…I need more time to think." You swallow, glancing at where you last saw 'Silco'.

"You don't have much more time." His eyebrows furrow.

"I know. I just…need to sort some things out first, get rid of the monsters of my past that kind of thing," you joke but Ekko doesn't laugh along.

"Tonight, once the party dies down, come with me to the lab. Heimerdinger said he wants to discuss something with us."

"Sure." With that out of the way, you turn to go and find 'Silco'. He at least needed to know that you would be disappearing tonight. Your heart thunders in your chest, anxiety surfacing as you struggle to think of what to say to him. You can't exactly tell him that you're from an alternate universe and might be going back to your universe soon, that would be insane.

You watch as 'Silco' makes his way over to 'Vander', surprised when he slips an arm around your waist and basically hauls you over as well with a smile.

"So, there's a chance for us yet." He places a hand on 'Vander's' shoulder, looking up at the bigger man. He presses a kiss to your forehead, chuckling, "we'll finally get the rest we deserve, love. Aren't you excited?"

Ekko gapes at you, the pieces finally falling into place. "You —"

"The monsters of my past," you smile sadly at him, letting out a deep breath. "You're not the only one."

Ekko shakes his head but you can tell, he understands. You and Silco, your destinies intertwined no matter the universe. I'm sorry, he mouths. 'Vander' pours a drink for 'Silco' who looks at Ekko with a fondness you've never seen before, a mixture of pride and sass.

"Didn't think I'd miss your big day, did you?" 'Silco' smirks.

"Didn't you try to kill him?" Ekko blurts out and you feel 'Silco's' grip on you tighten. You place your hand on his, thumb brushing over the back of his palm and he shoots you a look of gratitude, taking the glass from 'Vander'.

"The greatest thing we can do in life is find the power to forgive." He raises the glass in toast to 'Vander', gaze softening as he turns to you, taking a sip from his glass before handing the rest to you. "Don't get too drunk, love. I'd rather not have to haul you off to bed later."

"I'm not a child," you pout and 'Silco' laughs, nuzzling into your hair. Ekko chuckles, taking a sip from his drink when suddenly, the lights go out and streamers fall from the ceiling. Powder walks in, turning every head within her vicinity. You watch as Ekko steps forward, taking her hand and begins to dance. Their bodies sway to the beat, moving in sync and the crowd moves to make space for the couple. More begin to dance, twirling upon the dance floor as the music picks up and you can't help but watch, wondering what it's like to feel so free.

"May I?" A voice murmurs in your ear and you look down to find a hand extended towards you. 'Silco' smiles encouragingly and you slip your hand into his.

"I've never —"

"Just follow my lead and trust me."

"Don't you go letting me down, you hear?"

"Have I ever?" He pulls you in, pressing a deep kiss to your lips before spinning you around. Soon, you find yourself led by the music and 'Silco's' gentle guidance, your feet gliding over the dance floor. You feel light as a feather, a big smile gracing your features, eyes focused only on 'Silco' whose gaze remains fixed on you. His fingertips ghost over your skin, sending shivers up your spine and you lean in, lips mere inches away from his before you pull away. You can't recall the last time you felt so alive. The air is electrifying, your lungs gasping for air as 'Silco' pulls you in for another kiss, his arms wrapping themselves around you.

Dawn will come, you know, and the night will be over, but while it lasts, you will squeeze it for every drop of enjoyment it has to offer. You inhale his scent, the cigar ash drowned out by the alcohol he's drunk and capture his lips in a fervent kiss. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer and he indulges you, savouring the taste of your wine-tainted lips.

"I love you," he whispers. "Always, and forevermore."

You open your mouth to say the words you never got to say to your Silco but they get stuck in your throat. You struggle to say something back, emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

"Yeah," you finally manage to breathe out. "I know."

His gaze softens, thumb running over your cheek and you almost don't tell him of your plan to visit the lab tonight but you catch a glimpse of Ekko leaving the party and steel yourself. You have to, this is not your world, as much as you wish it were. You can't keep running away, if Silco can find a way to forgive Vander, you can find a way to forgive yourself.

"Silco?" The word feels foreign on your tongue.

"Yes, love?"

"I need to leave."

"Leave?" He echoes, confused.

"I…Ekko asked me to help him with the finishing touches of his Z-Drive." The excuse is flimsy but 'Silco' buys it anyways. His touch lingers just for a little longer but he lets you go, gently pushing you towards the exit.

"Then you better get going, or the boy wonder is going to need to pull an all-nighter again."

You blink and then smile sadly at him. "Before…I forget. I want — I want to thank you." Grief bubbles to the surface again and you swallow hard. "For everything. Whether you know it or not, you — you've done so much for me. You mean the world to me, you're my everything and — and I don't know what I'd do without you, but I have to try. For your sake and mine. I can't just keep wallowing in despair, grieve as the world moves on around me, I have to move on, keep going one step at a time, because you'd want me to."

Tears prick the corners of your eyes and you whirl around, quickly fleeing as tears flow down your face freely, blurring your vision. You hear 'Silco' call out to you but his voice is muffled by the blood roaring in your ears and the pattering of your shoes against the ground as you run, run and run until you reach the lab.

Ekko and Heimerdinger turn to face you, concern written all over their faces as you harshly wipe away the tears, sniffing.

"So, what's the update?" Your voice wavers.

"Good news! The machine is ready!" Heimerdinger chirps.

"I see. Good thing I've laid the monsters to rest then." You take a deep breath, stepping into the machine with Ekko. "Time to go home."

As the machine comes to life, the arcane begins to whirl around you, howling. This is it, no more going back, no more running away, no more chasing the past. You watch as Heimerdinger connects the power cables, your limbs going numb as he disappears into thin air. Your alternate self's body and Ekko's appear on the floor, unconscious as Powder and 'Silco' run in, eyes wide.

You watch as 'Silco' hugs your alternate self's body to his chest, then looks up at your real body floating inside the sphere. Your gazes connect for the final time and you feel your heart ache. You want to reach out to him, feel his skin on yours one last time, taste his lips one last time, hold him one last time but you know you can't. Your Silco is gone, physically, and there's no bringing him back. So instead you mouth the words you've always wanted to say, trusting that your Silco will hear it anyways from wherever he is in the afterlife, if there even is one.

I love you.

And the arcane snaps everything to black.

[arcane-ish]

Preliminary Zaundads timeline

(note: this is not a great, story, it's just what I think fits the facts presented the most)

Vander either falls in love with his miner buddy Silco or they knew each other first and became miners together.

They strike up friendships with their miner budies, Felicia, Connel and Sevika. Maybe they all meet in this shack to spend their breaks or plot their revolution.

At some point they organize. They create or take over the drop. According to Vi's mom they "turned a crack in the earth into a thriving commuity" on the very day where Vi's mom tells them that she's having a kid and Vander names the kid. She credits both Vander and Silco with having had that idea of creating the thriving community.

At this point Vander is satisfied with what they've achieved (We're done).

[admittedly, that could be sarcasm because he knows that they still have work ahead of them] However, Silco is thinking of more, of Zaun. Felicia describes their situation "living week to week" and says that that's "a lot of shit down here" that she would have to protect Vi from.

Vander seems to be into the idea of raising children and already talks about raising more than just a single one.

She talks about carving Zaun out of the bedrock through menial work ("blisters") and that Silco and Vander will figure it out together. Silco toasts to Zaun. Vander only toasts to blisters and bedrock (note that he calls back to that in the letter to writes to Silco after nearly killing him).

Vi gets born, Powder gets born. It seems Mylo and Claggor are sort of around?

Note that even though Powder and Vi are older, their mom and dad still work as miners.

My theory:

1.) Whatever Vander and Silco and the others were doing, they probably funded themselves through the mines? That's why Felicia and Connel kept mining. Or maybe they do deeper tunnels for additional housing? My theory is still that their big thing was to take over the mine they were working in and running it themselves (seize the means of production!) and they were able to fund a their thriving community.

2.) At this point Vander and Silco's relationship becomes more and more unhappy. And Vander distracts himself by throwing himself more and more into his role as an uncle and living vicariously through Felicia and Connel's relationship.

Vi and Powder apparently have a very happy childhool.

However something happens, leading to the Day of Ash uprising. (maybe something threatens their "thriving community") Where Felicia dies and Vander snaps and attacks Silco. However, he afterwards feels bad and writes him a letter, but Silco keeps his distance, not returning for years later.

Now, granted, most of this is still pretty unsatifying. For example, everything about Vi and Powder's childhood looks way too pristine and clean. Mining looks too happy and clean for how shit it should be.

Even Vander's Lanes after he drove out Silco were never that clean. (this is probably my hate for beardless Vander talking, maybe beardless Vander = Vander's self image of his more innocent self)

And that is aside that head canoning Vander and Silco running a criminal enterprise together is just way more fun than them completely sanely funding it through respectable mining.

How exactly did Vander get his Hound of Underground name anyway? I like to headcanon that he was a pit fighter like Vi, but was that before he became a miner or during or afterwards?

And how exactly did he get a reputation as a revolutionary at all when it feels that he barely did anything?

I'm just gonna pretend:

1.) Warwick is not dead. His healing factor will kick in. 2.) These are just the happy, sanitized, idealized memories of Vander's. We will get another flashback that will reveal that the truth was way darker and more fucked up and that Vander's happy memories were as fake as Viktor's happy cult community.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS WILL PROBABLY NOT HAPPEN BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY THREE MORE EPISODES AND THOSE WILL BE DEDICATED TO OTHER STORYLINES THAT STILL NEED TO WRAP UP. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

[j4gm]

SPOILERS!!! REFERENCES AND EASTER EGGS IN F&C ep. 2: SIMON PETRIKOV

Let me know if I missed anything!

First of all the title sequence is fucking cool. I don't want to speculate about the various things we see in it, like the apartment getting blown up or the Fern tree growing into its 1000+ version, because I'm sure the show will get round to all that!

The first scene was an awesome reintroduction to the post-apocalypse, showing us the dynamic between Simon and Marcy. The button popping off Marcy's dungarees was a reference to young Marcy's first appearance, Memory of a Memory, when she removed one of the buttons herself to fix Hambo's eye.

Simon was show playing a live set at Dirt Beer Guy's tavern in Obsidian. It seems they've gotten to know each other quite well over the past twelve years. Dirt Beer Guy asks Simon if he's read his new book draft, about a character called Joe Milkshake who was first mentioned in the episode Root Beer Guy.

Despite the fact we saw Jake in the trailers, Finn and T.V. pretty much confirm in this scene that Jake is dead, and has presumably been dead since before Obsidian. I guess Bronwyn wasn't the only Jake descendant who Finn took on as an apprentice, but T.V. doesn't seem all that into it. The Finn and Jake we saw in the trailer are likely from an alternate universe that we have yet to see.

Finn uses his weed whacker to cut through these bushes. A nice way of showing he's fully recovered from his Fern guilt. The focus here is very much on Simon's problems instead of Finn's.

Finn parts with Simon to go and visit Huntress Wizard. The nature of their relationship remains ambiguous and I expect it to stay that way.

Simon has the Island Lady from The Party's Over Isla de Señorita in his phone. I guess they reconnected after he became Simon again. He also has Abracadaniel. I always liked Ice King's friendship with Abracadaniel and the rest of the Order of Giuseppe so I hope they're still friends!

Cute Bubbline scene. Back in the episode Bonnibel Bubblegum, Mr. Creampuff suggested he and PB get matching tattoos. Now she's (trying to) do the same with the girl she's chosen rather than some guy who was chosen for her! Also Marceline is using the same phone she's been seen with in a few previous episodes, including Go With Me and Be Sweet.

I think the flying human city is called Up-Ton.

Choose Goose! He keeps coming back! And he's evil now! People were joking about him being the antagonist of Fionna and Cake after that weird post-credits scene in Wizard City and the fact he was in hell in Together Again. I wasn't expecting that to actually come true. Glob knows why he's hanging out in a cage in Simon's house.

The pattern of GOLB's eyes is reflected in Simon's glasses during the ritual. He is doing the same dance that Betty was doing to summon GOLB in the finale.

Among the objects in Simon's GOLB shrine are the Farmworld Enchiridion, the flying carpet that Simon stole from Ash and was later frequently used by Betty, the crocodile clips that Betty used for her magic rituals, two effigies of GOLB, and what looks to be the shell of the snail who was seen throughout the original series.

In this credits sequence, Fionna and cake are dreaming about the mask being worn by the bear than Finn slew, and a butterfly with a smiley face on it. Perhaps symbolising Finn?

Tune in next week for episodes 3 and 4!

[aipurjopa]

my theories about spoke video but they get more and more shit the further down the list you go:

1. he had a falling out with mapicc and/or minute and is now dissociating, hence the editing

2. minute and/or mapicc either died or were killed and spoke is now dissociating, hence the editing

3. he wants to feel “apart of something,” which is what he got from being apart of the ash assassination squad, so he continues to stalk ash. Despite ash not being a threat, he needs to have some sort of “big bad” to fight against to give himself a goal and also recreate that “apart of something” feeling. He realizes how lowkey messed up it is to live in the base and edits the video like that to cover it up.

4. the director is purposefully writing him out of the main plot for malicious reasons and the editing is to cover it up

5. the director is purposefully writing him out of the main plot to protect spoke and the editing is to cover it up

6. he’s been isolated from his friends by the director, has a gap in memory because of this, and the editing is from the director trying to cover up this gap in memory

7. he is actually just bored out of his mind because mapicc can’t log on (for not game mechanic related reasons) and does this. editing is like that because he is bored and wanted to be silly.

7.5. ccspoke just wanted to be whimsical

8. uuspoke is actually dead and the director is wearing around spoke’s skin pretending to be him because all 3 povs NEED to exist. the editing is like that because the director doesn’t know how uuspoke edits videos and is mimicking the styles of older spoke videos

9. uuspoke actually died in the void and it’s mapicc pretending to be spoke. the narration is done by a voice bank created from spoke. the editing is mapicc mimicking the style of older spoke videos

10. lsspoke has opened a wormhole and jumped into uu, now possessing uuspoke’s body and is editing to make it feel more like an ls video.

11. this is an alternate timeline that takes place after dupe war where instead lsspoke gets isekaied into unstable smp when he jumps into the void. this is why he does not team with mapicc (bro delayed the wormhole plan…) or minute (bro is not in lss4) and is alone. he only had a vague memory of what to do. this is why he cares about the dragon egg, which no one in uu gaf about before now.

12. he’s high.

13. uumapicc dared him to.

14. it was all a dream and next episode it opens with mapicc and him on a camel, mapicc saying “you’re finally awake. you were trying to cross—“

[kitnjon]

I will be forever glad I was a Jonsa in 2019. The fics were truly the best thing to come out of season 8.

Do you have a season 8 fic recommendations??

Yeah those fics really helped us after the trauma d&d put us through right? I started reading jonsa fics around the same time to get over S8 ending. I had read a lot of S8 fix it fics back then but didnt have ao3 account so unfortunately I don't have many of them bookmarked :( Sharing a few I can recall reading and was able to find.

they tumble down by thimbleful

He meets her gaze for the shortest moment before turning to look out over the woods, gesturing at it with a gloved hand. “Is this why you brought me here? To talk about memories?” “No. I wanted to talk about marriage.” When Sansa suggests it's time for her and Jon to marry, she means they should make marriage alliances with the other Northern houses. Jon, though, assumes she means they should marry each other. A post s7 story where Jon and Sansa struggle to navigate their new political landscape while suppressing their feelings for one another, Arya does everything in her power to protect her pack, and Bran and Sam try to figure out how to kill the Night King.

2. intentions of gold (with my plans) by @jonsaslove

this is a series of one shots that follow a loose season 8 au. each episode has a fic and it works under the premise that Jon and Sansa orchestrated political!jon back in season 7 and planned to have him manipulate Daenerys into coming north.

3. victory is in my veins (oh ye of so little faith) by Lady_Alice

“Jon,” Sansa says quietly, her hands twisting together in front of her. “Tell me the truth. Do you love her?” He starts, eyes widening. “Love her?” That’s all the confirmation she needs, but Jon rushes onward, stepping closer to her, hands outstretched and voice nervous, reassuring, as if he were a husband swearing to his wife that he loves only her. “Sansa, no, no, gods, after this, I hope I never have to see her again.” // The Season 8 we deserved. (and that the characters deserved) (yeah i'll die mad about s8, sue me)

4. and no net ensnares me by thimbleful

Since Jon left, Sansa has struggled to keep things together and she longs for his return. However, when he does return things only become worse. Jon learns about his parentage and doesn't know how to make sense of anything, how to fix the inevitable mess the reveal will create, or how to protect the people he loves. But at least, after all these years, the pack is finally back together. Then, one day, Sansa disappears. Post season 7 fic.

5. such simple words (such a complicated truth) by thimbleful

"You don’t have the right name to make men rally behind you, you don’t have any armies nor land or a castle or--” “No, but I do.” Sansa drops her necklace and Jon shifts in his seat to get away from the twisting sensation in his stomach. He knows where this is going: his depraved dreams come true under the worst possible circumstances. Jon and Sansa get married and consummate that marriage. That's it. That's the fic.

6. what do you want (that you do not have) by thimbleful

When the Winterfellians learn that Cersei has hired men to kidnap Sansa, they decide that Sansa needs to run away and Jon volunteers to protect her. During their travels the tension builds between them--especially after Jon suffers an injury and they're taken in by an older couple. Because, in hopes of protecting their identities, Jon and Sansa have to pretend to be happily married and in love. Every day. In close quarters. For quite some time. Takes place after the war against the NK is won. Not a kidnapping fic.

7. soldier, go bravely on by @missfaber

King's Landing is ash. The game is revealed. Jon Snow faces the consequences of his choices. Daenerys Targaryen seeks subservience from all. Sansa Stark will not go quietly. Westeros hangs in the balance. + an alternate ending for Game of Thrones. 8.x06 fix-it fic

8. we are buried in broken dreams by @writerbri-archive

Prompt: Sansa and Jon sleeping together before he goes to Dragonstone and when he comes back he finds out she is pregnant. A full on s8 fix-it fic at this point.

9. A Time for Wolves by missgreeneinthlibrary

Winter was coming. Now it's here. Season 8 reimagined with a Jonsa twist.

[chvoswxtch]

I still haven’t emotionally processed episode four and I probably never will but if you’re interested in my chaotic ramblings pls step into my office below

first of all frank waited ten fucking years to get his lick back he is the pettiest bitch alive and I am here for it 

he said bitch I didn’t forget when you said “boo hoo who’d you lose” reverse uno altar boy 

“how bout old foggy, he get life?”

FRANCIS DAVID CASTIGLIONE HOW DARE YOU 

also the fucking hand clapping while saying I don’t have time for your candy ass hero shit he’s so fucking sassy pls 

the juxtaposition between wanting to cream seeing our boys back together onscreen but also wanting to scream bc that whole interaction was so raw and brutal and wrecked me and not in the slutty way like I wanted

I wanna talk about how matt either knew where frank was this entire time or he knows frank’s heartbeat and scent and tracked him there which is stupid romantic 

I don’t wanna talk about how frank didn’t even raise his hands to defend himself and would’ve let matt keep hitting him 

I don’t want to talk about matt’s whole monologue about foggy bc I will never emotionally recover from that

I do want to talk about how 3 different people kept emphasizing to matt that the system is broken and does not work that was definitely not a coincidence 

I do want to talk about matt being a slut and flirting to reduce a prison sentence 

also the end?? adam screaming “let me out” while matt is on the roof with his billy club after trying to not let the devil out for 4 episodes??? the fucking parallels my GOD

each fucking episode just keeps getting better and better 

honorable mention fisk nearly crashing out having to sit though 2 choir performances had me HOLLERING

I also want to do a lil check in since we only have five episodes left of this half of this season-

I have seen a lot of people say this matt feels “out of character” and I think that’s the point. it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. there’s a lot of underlying tension in this season, it feels like something is building and we’re all waiting for the eruption. this is not the matt we saw in the original series. we will probably never get that matt back. this is season 3 matt but like times ten. he said he would rather die as the devil than live as matt murdock and he definitely “died” the night foggy was killed, in his daredevil suit on that roof. he also pushed dex off the roof, and although dex didn’t die so it wasn’t murder, matt still attempted to kill him, which still counts as crossing a line in his own head

matt is not living, he’s existing. he is a hollow shell of who he used to be. he lost everything that made him who he was

foggy, his best friend and moral compass. karen, his other best friend and voice of reason. he lost the two people who were essentially the only family he had left in the world. he lost his home, he told fisk he doesn’t go back to hell’s kitchen and doesn’t live there anymore. he lost his faith, he’s not going to church anymore. and he lost daredevil, his outlet to let his darker half out that made him feel like he was making a difference. this man is lost

the term “born again” is usually used to describe a religious transformation. I don’t think calling the show born again was just about matt returning as daredevil. I think it’s us seeing matt at his absolute lowest, hitting rock bottom, losing every sense of who he is, and then watching him rise from the ashes

I truly thought hector being murdered was gonna make matt lose his shit but now I’m very curious what’s going to make him actually snap and put the suit back on. I think the main reason he's fighting it so hard is to honor foggy's memory. foggy's last words to him were "I didn't want to give you a reason". foggy always wanted matt to put his faith in the system and do things the "right" way and matt is trying to do that but he's clearly struggling, because he has no faith in anything anymore

I have a lot of ideas about what I think is going to happen this season but I’d love to hear what y’all think so feel free to ramble with me or just scream or cry we can do that too

[forgetyoursingalongsandlullabies]

I don’t think we talk enough about what a big gesture it was for Martin to give Jon the ashes of Jane Prentiss.

Jane initially targeted Martin and had him trapped and isolated for 2 weeks (and we know the kind of effect isolation has on Martin) eventually forcing him to move into the institute for his safety. Everyone who was involved in the attack on the institute has every right to be terrified and traumatized by Jane Prentiss’ memory but Martin does especially. If Martin had wanted her ashes for himself as a reminder that she is dead he would be completely justified but I think even if Martin had wanted them for himself he wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of getting them, even if he thought they’d be a comfort. He would only go through the trouble for Jon.

Martin approached Jordan Kennedy, a man whom he had no prior interaction with, who is not just an exterminator but who works for the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control and somehow convinces him to give him the ashes of a well known and well recorded hazardous figure. Jordan even admits to Jon that he should not have given Martin the ashes at all. Martin takes these literal human remains of his own stalker and torturer and gifts them to Jon so that he can be comforted in the knowledge that she is dead. Because more than Martin wants to be comforted himself, he wants Jon to feel safe.

Even when Jon was suspicious that Martin was literally trying to sabotage him by being too sweet and thought the ashes were probably fake he still believed for some reason that this one gesture from Martin was genuinely to make him feel better.

Tbh Jon getting confirmation from Jordan that the ashes are in fact real in MAG 55 followed by Martin telling him that his CV is fake only one episode later in MAG 56 is such a strong combination for making sure Jon was subconsciously smitten before going on the lam in season 3.

[joyong-iii]

A▽ Embarrassing memory (ft. Elesa and Tynamo) [Submas]

This took way too long…. (Ibis paint keeps freezing!!(￣ー￣))

Emmet is still embarrassed about that day. Elesa will NOT let him forget (lol) and so does Ingo from time to time. Even Tynamo won’t let Emmet forget (like trainer and partner)

A random idea I had when I rewatched the episode with Ash going against Elesa and literally laughed out loud “What’s a Tynamo supposed to do??” Before it catapulted against pikachu (lol) and then I thought about Anime Ingo and Emmet.

Don’t mind the first page having a different style and colouring cuz I drew that ages ago then forgot and then continued in different style. Page 2 was fun to draw in more dynamic angles (I suck at drawing dynamic poses)

Lately, I have been having a BIIIG art block, doesn’t help that I’m going to Uni now so…. Yeah I don’t post often when I want to post more comics…

BTW playing Pokémon black rn and I have yet to meet the duo (；ω；) (I can’t get a streak above 9….) but Elesa wasn’t too hard… (Emolga almost got me)

Goal for Pokemon Black: catch all Pokémon + evolutions

[justafewberries]

Why do fics have Katniss so badly want Katniss to help Peeta out of episodes, how does that compare with Katniss in District 13? Is their any precedent from that time?

Hey, nonny!

In Mockingjay, Katniss is distraught. Everything escalates very quickly for her. When the book begins, she has only known about the uprisings for half a year, her home is ashes, and Peeta is gone. She believes Peeta is alive from the interviews with Caesar, but she also knows that the Capitol has reused footage before. She notes how extreme of a difference there is between Peeta’s physical state in the first interview and the second one. Both she and Haymitch realize they could have filmed that interview at any time and aired it later. Katniss spends months not knowing how Peeta actually is, so when she finally hears he is alive and they are trying to get him back, she knows she will have her answer. If they die trying to get him, it's done; however, if he lives and they bring him back to 13, she’ll have the boy she has spent weeks pining over back in her arms. 

Which all comes to a halt when he strangles her. It’s why his change has such a deep impact on Katniss. In the weeks they were away from each other, she has crafted this image of everything good. When he comes back different, that image shatters, and she feels the sense of loss all over again. Still, she wants to see him get better: 

In the thin, cold mountain air, I feel some physical strength returning, my mind clearing away the rest of the fogginess. But with this mental clarity comes an even sharper awareness of what has been done to Peeta. Snow has stolen him from me, twisted him beyond recognition, and made me a present of him…. It's only now that he's been corrupted that I can fully appreciate the real Peeta. Even more than I would've if he'd died. The kindness, the steadiness, the warmth that had an unexpected heat behind it.

Katniss is a runner. She tells us she’s one of the fastest girls in her school, but she also runs to the woods when the injured come to her door, and she runs when the Quarter Quell is announced. She runs, she leaves, she goes. So it’s easy to reduce her behavior to leaving pain behind or leaving grief in the hands of the medics, but with Peeta, she can’t. She has him back, just not in the form she remembers. She still craves his arms and his kisses. She knows she cannot run, because the idea of him follows her everywhere she goes:

Sometimes when I'm alone, I take the pearl from where it lives in my pocket and try to remember the boy with the bread, the strong arms that warded off nightmares on the train, the kisses in the arena. To make myself put a name to the thing I've lost. But what's the use? It's gone. He's gone.

Interestingly, she does still try to run. She avoids visiting the medics treating him. She tries not to think about him. She doesn’t even ask for updates:

Back in 13, Peeta's rehabilitation continues. Even though I don't ask, Plutarch gives me cheerful updates on the phone like "Good news, Katniss! I think we've almost got him convinced you're not a mutt!" Or "Today he was allowed to feed himself pudding!"  When Haymitch gets on after, he admits Peeta's no better. The only dubious ray of hope has come from my sister. "Prim came up with the idea of trying to hijack him back," Haymitch tells me. "Bring up the distorted memories of you and then give him a big dose of a calming drug, like morphling. We've only tried it on one memory. The tape of the two of you in the cave, when you told him that story about getting Prim the goat." 

She doesn’t allow herself to ask until she has any semblance of hope that he can get better: 

"Any improvement?" I ask. “Well, if extreme confusion is an improvement over extreme terror, then yes," says Haymitch. "But I'm not sure it is. He lost the ability to speak for several hours. Went into some sort of stupor. When he came out, the only thing he asked about was the goat.”

Even when she tries to run to District 2, the mountains, or the hunting grounds, she cannot escape the thought of Peeta. It’s only when she stops running that she starts to help draw him from the episodes. She realizes she has to run with him, not from him, or Snow will win:

Like the mutts. Like a rabid beast bent on ripping my throat out. And here, finally here in this place, in these circumstances, I will really have to kill him. And Snow will win. Hot, bitter hatred courses through me. Snow has won too much already today.  It's a long shot, it's suicide maybe, but I do the only thing I can think of. I lean in and kiss Peeta full on the mouth. His whole body starts shuddering, but I keep my lips pressed to his until I have to come up for air. My hands slide up his wrists to clasp his. "Don't let him take you from me."  Peeta's panting hard as he fights the nightmares raging in his head. "No. I don't want to..."  I clench his hands to the point of pain. "Stay with me."

So to your question of if there is evidence that Katniss would help draw Peeta out of episodes, I’d argue a lot of her Mockingjay arc is learning to confront her fears, the atrocities, and the changes of war instead of running. I think it’s completely plausible that she would help coax him out of episodes after the war. She may still have the runner’s instinct, but she loves Peeta more than she loves running. 

[anika-kanroji16]

In Defenses of Pokémon Journeys

Okay, let's be real here. I hate the Pokémon community cause you guys just COMPLAIN ABOUT two CHARACTERS

Goh and Iris, I am only talking about Goh cause I never watched Black and White. @moonxpalace can people talk about Iris and Black and White, but I definitely can't.

You guys even come as close as FIXING Pokemon Journeys when there's NOTHING TO FIX

You guys complain about Goh catching Grookey 🙂

I think the main reason is because He belong to Team Rocket originally then you guys called his a "Pokemon Theif" Even tho I think you missed THE WHOLE DAMN POINT OF THAT EPISODE Grookey didn't even wanted to be with Team Rocket and missed Goh and didn't want to stay it ; even ran away for the SECOND TIME it like YOU DON'T CHOOSE THE POKEMON THE POKEMON CHOOSE YOU

Why do you think the episode is called "WHEN A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME"

And if you guys are complaining that he got all the starter Pokémon for Galar, I don't care.

Now you guys are saying Goh ruined Pokémon Journeys. I think that a lie I LIKE THE FACT THAT WE GOT DOU MAIN CHARACTERS and People always complain about Chloe but here the thing the reason why Chloe got spotlight in the later seasons is because of a new director. And I personally love Chloe's arc in Pokémon, but what you guys like to complain about is that her Eevee never evolved.

Really. Really. Her arc in the story is what she wants to be when she grows up, and Evee was indecisive of what evolution she wants to be, so it just makes sense for it to stay AN EVEEE, and you guys are complaining. Now, if you're saying she should have the father's Yamper cause she got more into Pokémon, cause Yamper makes sense, and I wanted that too, but I am not gonna say she's the worst Pokémon girl. Chloe has herself as queen for making her Pokémon decide what it wants it to evolve into instead of focusing on deciding for her Eveee. Now if you guys are gonna say Goh has ZER0 connections to his Pokémon. Well THAT A FUCKING LIE.

That just an excuse make him paint him as a fucking Pokemon Hunter. Do you know how times I go on Pinterst I see where People paint Goh as a villian which "abuses his pokemon" and even on tumblr through an Ask I saw once. Like so many times.

It is honestly so funny that people like to say Goh has no meaningful connection to his Pokémon when the whole episode about the Data being gone is more concerned with him losing the memory of his Pokémon rather THAN THE ACTUAL DATA MISSING.

And for the reason why he catches Pokemon, I say Austim cause he obsesses with catching Pokemon, but I would say it is because he had a lonely childhood in general, it is NOT A COINCIDENCE THAT GOH GOT THE LONELY POKEMON!! Goh got the lonely pokemon cause how absent Goh's parents was in his life and they always busy with work which made him further the belief that he doesn't need friends which also reason why he wanted catch alot of Pokemon. Thinking Horace abandoned him was probably another reason why Goh loves catching Pokemon.

And when they say they don't give enough equally screemtime between Ash and Goh, People the fact we get more Ash episodes in every Pokemon series and you complaining about this is stuipd. I personally think most of you guys are delusional cause I saw alot of Ash episodes focusing on Ash but we also see alot of episodes fouscing on Goh.

And for the people which say Goh is Serena 2.0

sooo yeaa the random yes but I am sick of Journeys hate yes.

Also BE HONEST MOST OF THEM OVERHYPER XY I am sorry you basically telling me XY is prefect have no flaws even though It probably have alot of flaws if you ask me, I always complain how Serena went to the GYM JUST TO SEE ASH and not for trying something new and you telling it have no flaws whatever none.

And I like XY too but please if you gonna hate on Jounreys I will tell you stfu. The only reasonable compliment I see is why they mixed up the contests which I don't think that the cause it was a live preformance and not a regular contest.

[tinesleftnipple]

JITD Episode 9-10 (non-final) script synopsis

Episode 9

police team are reinvestigating and finding that there have been consistent missing cases of girls wearing flower pattern dresses in the past 8 years

pei su joins SID as an intern, just in time to assist in interrogating su ruowan

tao ze pokes at lwz about how he and pei su don't fight anymore. tao ze tells lwz to stop overthinking - pei su was just a kid, not everything he does has an ulterior motive

lwz says ps is not a kid anymore, and ps probably has a reason behind getting his intern position

(interrogation scene dialogue between ps and su ruowan seems to have been omitted)

ps and lwz head to find evidence in su lingnai's ash box. Inside they find her diary. The contents of the diary is pretty much the same as the novel

the diary does not mention how they dealt with the girls' bodies. ps deduces that they bury them somewhere they won't be found, and even if they are found, it would be a place no one cares about, in a barren land, in a bay, preferably a deserted piece of land in development

this hypothetical piece of land is the district 13 binhai location that ps saw in his self-hypnosis

also inside the diary are a stack of photos of all the victims from paparazzi pov

they find the apartment where the photos were taken. lwz interrogates xu dongyu. xu dongyu confesses he disposes the bodies in binhai. sid team arrives at binhai and find qu tong's remains

Episode 10

lwz talks to guo shinan - he didn't kill the wrong person. but guo shinan knows that by killing wu guangchuan, he unknowingly caused the killer to change their method, and all the missing girls' cases after could not be grouped into a single case

big boss spoilers, don't read this point if you don't want to know: fan siyuan and wang ruobing talk about getting into contact with pei su. fan siyuan says pei su will likely become his favorite student

pei su goes to lwz's place to feed yiguo/pingdiguo. flashback of traumatic memories with his dad

ps meeting with du jia. the binhai project asked for investment from pei corp through a 3rd party called the guangyao fund, which they've worked with consistently before. for some reason pei corp stopped funding guangyao after the binhai project. shortly after that, ps's dad got into the car accident

it's now evident fm 88.6 is related to the current cases. the group behind the reading app and the group of criminals are on opposing sides. ps: the enemy's enemy might be our friend

lwz goes to his teacher yang's grave to tell him the case is solved. he suspects the past couple of cases are related to pei su somehow.

the next day, sid team is fiddling around in lwz's office. there are 2 new interns joining the team: ps and yang xin (yang's daughter. this is dif from the novel)

team meeting and lwz makes digs at pei su moving in bringing kitchen appliances into his office, and about how they're going to see gory dead bodies

they're sitting in the office and lwz keeps stealing looks at pei su. they talk about left over threads of the lolita case

phone call of a car crash - zhou junmao (will probably change this name) is dead on junmao road.

they arrive on scene. lwz seems to know all the police there. pei su stands in the shadows watching, looking a little down and out of place

they arrive at zhou mansion. zhou huaixin, the younger son, falls into pei su crying.

lwz and pei su driving back. pei su explains the rumor that zhou junmao as an illegitimate son. zhou huaixin has to call the police and make it a big deal, because everyone thought malcolm and donalbain killed their father (macbeth).

lwz: you are an only child, so why is your relationship with your father so tense?

ps: can i see your hand? (here instead of kissing lwz's hand like in the novel, ps examines it. throughout the episodes there will be a number of callbacks to the scene of lwz putting his hand over ps's eyes)

ps: it's very hard to escape our blood and environment in which we were raised. (combined voiceover with scene of zhou huaijin, the other zhou son arriving at the airport, and also of pei su going home to his basement) Like the branches and leaves of a plant, your qualities can be trimmed any which way you desire, but deeper things that were exposed to you from when you had no concept of the world, those things will collect in your subconscious, in every abstract concept you've learned through mother tongue, all hidden away. you might not realize it, but they will encompass your entire life

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

"Charles invading Magneto's mind (an act Magneto's right to call a violation) leaves Erik stranded in the literal freezing waters of his lifelong PTSD. Those tumultuous ocean waves, an obvious metaphor for Erik's mind, threaten to sweep both Erik and Charles away. 'Both' is Episode 10's key word. Charles Xavier could've easily consigned Magneto to his agony and gone about his business. Instead, he makes a choice simultaneously selfless and selfish. He doesn't fight Bastion (Theo James) with his X-Men. He stays in Magneto's mind and risks not just his own life, but his psyche. Even though the gesture doesn't excuse Charles's mental attack, he seizes this rare opportunity to help his beloved friend escape his emotional torment. Charles Xavier will either drag Erik free or drown with him, holding him close in the seething ocean.

"Charles is the only person capable of reaching Magneto because they're equals and opposites. Call them polar magnets or counterbalancing scale weights — or just soulmates. They complete one another, overused Jerry Maguire quote or not. Magneto hears Rogue's (Lenore Zann) distraught voice crying out to him in his amnesiac darkness. Hers is the only face he sees from his memories. Yet without erasing or diminishing his obvious love for Rogue, Erik also adores Charles. He has for decades. Even when they were physically apart, Charles rested in Erik's mind. Blocking out Xavier's influence is why Magneto wears his helmet. As Rogue wisely points out to Erik in Episode 2, 'You were worried if you still felt how much he loved you, you wouldn't be able to go through with your crusade.' That helmet is Magneto's armor against love.

"So, of course, it's Charles who reminds his fragmented self of the identity he forged from the ashes. Charles's compassion succeeds for the first time not because X-Men '97 backpedals their 'Magneto was right' statement in Xavier's favor. Rather, Charles finally works to meet Erik where he is. Erik might be an island because of and despite himself, but his fate needn't be forever lost and always losing. Charles reminds him they are a chosen family of two. He bleeds the poison from Erik's heart. And Magneto emerges reborn, reclaiming himself, his memories, and his purpose. He couldn't have a true redemption arc without Charles at his side."

[myseriesthings]

Underneath.

A post season 2 episode 16 "Under The Radar" fix-it fic by @mel-mcz.

Season two's end left me fuming, so here's a fix-it fic with a bit of whump and hurt/comfort. Posting here first, but soon I'll upload it to Ao3 with the subsequent chapters following up from here, including Peter's side of the events and how he found Neal, and a lot of comfort as he recovers with the Burkes' help.

English is not even my second language, so forgive me for any mistakes, I did try to proofread it, but there's only so much I can do by myself.

Hope you enjoy this thing I wrote in a couple of hours!

After practically spitting at Peter's face to prove that he'd taken the treasure, Neal only had enough anger to fuel his energy reserves to get him around the next warehouse before he had nothing left.

His knees buckled and he collapsed to the ground. Chest heaving, lungs burning with the exertion, ribs aching with every breath that didn't seem to fill his lungs, Neal tried to calm himself.

With his eyes stinging, throat burning with ashes, nostrils filled with the smell of smoke, ears ringing from the deafening sound of the explosion, he curled on himself, bracing his chest to try to avoid the pain that seemed ready to burst through his heart.

It hurt. Everything hurt so much and yet the worst pain was in his mind, seared in his memory.

"You took it!"

Peter's accusation seemed like shards of glass piercing through his mind, slicing, scratching deeper, embedding itself in his brain forever.

Despair mixed with the sting of Peter's distrust and his mind was stuck in a loop of hurt and fear. Images kept jumping to the forefront of his mind's eye.

The barrell of a gun.

Flames and the heat of an explosion...

Peter's face, filled with so much rage.

He didn't- he couldn't make himself do anything. He felt trapped in his own mind.

The deafening sound of the explosion, the hot feeling of flames on his back, the sensation of the concrete underneath him as the shockwave knocked him down.

Adler's face when he told Neal was the closest thing to a son he ever had, moments before the gunshot rang through the place.

Peter's eyes... his eyes when he grabbed Neal and spat out that he was certain Neal had done it.

It hurt deeper than he thought anything ever would. Neal hadn't realised, or rather had chosen not to acknowledge, that Peter had begun to mean so much more to him than simply a friend. Ever since Kate's death, or even years before while he was still in prison, Peter was there for him, offering words of advice, of comfort, promises that were actually fulfilled... He was there when no one else was, filling that space in Neal's heart that once had been occupied by the man who was now a cooling corpse on the ground.

Neal didn't know what to think. Didn't know what to do. Now that everything he'd been working so hard to make, the trust he'd been trying to build between Peter and him, the new man, not con, that he'd been trying to create, had blown up into nothing.

As his mind spiraled into an ever growing abyss of despair, he felt himself disconnecting from reality. He stared at his shaking hands and in his mind he thought that those couldn't possibly be his, he was a con man, he was sly and precise with his every movement. This wasn't him.

The pain that seemed all encompassing before, was now dulled by something awfully cold. His breaths were ragged and his heart was still beating wildly, but, as he blinked and raised his eyes beyond the fixed stare on his hands, laying still over his lap, he imagined that maybe this was all a dream.

The numbness that was creeping over his limbs, spilling from the emptiness that hurt his chest, was beginning to terrify him. While he felt freezing up, tension wanting to make his muscles lock and his breaths speed up to match the adrenaline flood, instead he felt his body swaying. His legs had gone numb a long time ago, but he couldn't attempt to stand even if he wanted to. He was tilting backwards, ever so slowly, untill he reached a position where he couldn't sustain himself anymore and he ended up colliding with the hard ground with enough force to knock out all breath left in his lungs.

Neal laid there, feeling the numbness reaching every last limb of his body, covering him with a blanket of cold. He stared up at the dark sky, absently noticing that it was almost fully night.

Neal watched the dark and polluted sky of New York City and wondered if he closed his eyes, he'd disappear in the fog too, just like the stars...

Neal came to his senses feeling warmth all around his limbs. It was so strange to his foggy brain, that it took him a long moment to identify that he was laying in a bed.

Not his bed, though. The mattress underneath felt a bit too hard on his back and the sheets over him were scratchy and too light to be comfortable.

But he was warm again and it felt wonderful for a whole minute, untill his mind began to catch up with him and memory after memory began to invade the peaceful state of mind he had hid himself in.

The kidnapping, the drugs.

The U-boat. The dynamite.

The treasure.

The explosion.

Adler.

Peter.

Involuntarily, Neal sucked in a breath at the memory, and then harshly started coughing. His throat felt painfully dry but each cough made him spasm and brought a wave of pain to his chest. He curled up on the side that hurt less, holding his breath in an attempt to stop the pain, even when his lungs protested the lack of oxygen.

The shift in position didn't help with the pain, instead, it made everything that wasn't hurting yet begin to ache.

He couldn't hold his breath forever, so he gasped when he couldn't hold it any longer, and the searing pain it sent through his ribs made him bite down his lip hard to stop a whimper from escaping.

Neal thought this torture would never end, every breath hurt and every cough that escaped from his throat felt like a stabbing straight into his chest.

Then, just as he thought he might lose the will to keep his pain to himself and cry out for help, the sharp edge of it began to dull. The ache in his ribs started to lessen to a manageable level and the stabbing when he took in a breath nearly disappeared.

That's when he noticed that he wasn't alone, wherever he was.

Someone's hand was travelling up and down his spine, the touch light, mindful of where it was hurting more. They were speaking, talking to him, but the words weren't making sense in Neal's brain. Something touched the tip of his lips, pressuring slightly, encouraging him to open up, and Neal had enough mindfulness to seal them in a thin line.

He wasn't going to take anything from whoever that was!

Even though he knew it hurt, he turned his body so he was laying on his back again, successfully dislodging the hand on his back and the paper straw that was being pressed on his lips.

He had to get a grip on himself. 'Cowboy up' as Peter so often said to him, but it was just so hard. His whole body was hurting, he felt weak and disoriented and his head was spinning even though he had yet to open his eyes.

Neal knew it wasn't an option. Knew that it was wishful thinking, just like he knew it was back when he was sick as a child and wished for a father that was dead, but he wanted Peter. He wanted Peter to tell him it was going to be alright, that he was safe, that he would protect him like he did after Kate's plane exploded and Neal was in the hospital.

He wanted Peter, but Peter didn't want him anymore. Peter didn't trust him. Didn't believe him.

All this brought fresh tears to his eyes and he found he had no strength to fight them. His chest was already heaving, as panic clawed at him from the fear of having been taken by Adler's men, and then the first sob erupted from his throat, shaking his whole body.

Hands were touching him again, one caressing his hair and the other cupping his cheek. They were speaking again, voice soothing and gentle, asking him to calm down, to take a breath and hold it for a few seconds.

For a moment Neal thought the voice was Peter.

The touch on his head felt familiar and the hand gently wiping his tears was rough and gentle at the same time, the way he would recognise anywhere.

Without meaning to, Peter's name escaped his lips. He knew it was wishful thinking, but he'd live in the illusion for as long as it lasted.

But the voice answered to it with eagerness, praising him for something he wasn't aware he was doing and encouraging him to continue taking longer breaths.

Neal frowned, for the first time feeling like he was missing something. He did what the voice – Peter's voice? – was saying, calming down enough to not feel like he might lose himself in his mind again.

And then he opened his eyes.

Fluorescent lights assaulted his pupils and he closed his eyes tightly, controlling his breathing to lessen the headache pulsing behind his eyelids. He sensed the light of the room dimming and risked reopening them a slit. Everything seemed foggy in the near darkness so he blinked a few times to clean his sight.

Neal immediately noticed that he was in a hospital. Nowhere else was as barren, sterile and white as hospital rooms were.

The second thing he noticed was the hand still on his face, cradling him like he was the finest artifact ever found. Following the arm of the person to the chest and to their face, against his better judgement, Neal sucked in a sharp breath again.

"Peter!" he managed to say, before the words scratched his throat and he fell into another coughing fit.

This time when Peter pressed the straw to his lips he opened them without a second thought. He drank the cool water as if he hadn't had it in days, which maybe was exactly what had happened, only slowing down when Peter asked him to take it easy. Half the glass was gone by the time Peter pulled it away, promising more in just a minute.

"Hey." Peter's voice sounded hoarse so he cleared his throat before continuing "How are you feeling, bud?"

Neal found he couldn't do anything but stare. He was so certain that Peter would never be there for him again, so certain that whatever had made him accuse Neal of stealing the art had created a rift between them that would never be mended...

"Neal?" Peter called, a worried frown replacing the relief in his expression "Are you okay? Are you still in pain?"

Neal numbly shook his head, feeling at a loss of words. His answer, though, brought back the relief to Peter's face. His eyes softened and a small smile appeared on his lips.

"Good, that's good." he said, still staring at Neal like he was important "You've got me really scared for a moment. I thought you couldn't breathe."

Neal just blinked in response, feeling his drug-induced sluggish brain two steps behind the current conversation. He knew his lack of responsiveness was making Peter begin to worry again, but he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was actually there, that he really cared. That he cared enough to stay with him.

Peter still cared.

The realisation hit Neal like a freight train and he felt his vision grow blurry with tears. He let them fall, not minding that Peter was seeing him crying (again).

The worried frown was back full force. Then Peter was saying something about calling the nurse back, beginning to move away and removing his hands, and Neal couldn't bear to be left at that moment, so he snatched his own hand up, faster than he registered it and thought he could move, and held Peter's hand, guiding it back to his cheek. The movement hurt his bandaged wrist, but everything still felt distant enough that he didn't care.

Peter had gone silent after his sudden action and focused on him, waiting for something to tell him what to do next. To help was Peter's most predominant trait, and Neal could say he had seized the opportunity to use it plenty of times before.

But never like this.

"You're here." was the only thing he said, voice scratchy and thin from disuse.

Neal opened a smile, letting his hand slide down to his bandaged chest, and feeling all leftover despair leaving him with every calming breath he took.

Peter still seemed worried, but was trying to hide it for Neal's sake, so he opened a smile that looked like a strange mix of amusement and sadness.

"Of course I am. I'm not leaving your side." he said, sounding so honest, face open in a manger that Neal had only witnessed whenever Peter looked at his wife and rarely saw directed towards himself.

"Thought you were mad at me." finding the proper words to string a coherent sentence was a task, and to speak was hard, but he'd push himself regardless, because he needed to know.

Neal felt his heart accelerating, despite the calming breaths he was still taking, because Pete's answer could shatter the moment or change their lives for good. His fate rested in Peter's hands and now more than ever Neal understood that it didn't mean only prison and freedom.

"I was." Peter fought to find the right words for a moment and Neal thought that he was done, that their partnership was over and their relationship would never be the same again "I was. I'm not anymore."

Neal sighed in relief, feeling a weight being lifted from his chest, making breathing a little easier despite his injuries. He opened a wider smile, not filtering the joy it brought him.

Peter stared at him for a long moment, smiling too, but his looked a bit sadder.

"I'm sorry for what I said." he started, becoming serious again "I should've believed in you. I was harsh and stupid and I am truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

Neal was frowning again. He wasn't expecting such a heartfelt apology for a discussion that, at least on Peter's side, wasn't so heartbreaking.

"I... Okay." Neal simply answered, too bewildered to say anything else.

Peter shook his head, not seeming to accept his words, but thankfully he didn't push.

"We'll talk about this again later." and his smile was back "How are you feeling? And don't even think about lying." he said, pointing a warning finger to him before Neal could open his mouth.

"Honestly? I feel like I've been hit by a truck." he said, laughing a bit at his joke but stopping short when it pulled at his ribs.

"Yeah, that's a fair equivalent to the pressure release of God knows how many TNTs exploding inside a submarine." he smiled, but his eyes were pained again "You could've died. You could've died so many times that day and still I-"

Peter cut himself with a deep breath, calming down for Neal's sake. He resumed scratching at the back of Neal's head with one hand, to have something concrete to focus on instead of what ifs. Elizabeth only knew how many nightmares he had woken up from, with the horrible images his mind had conjured when he-

"Hey, I'm okay now." Neal said, noticing the distress growing in Peter's eyes.

Peter chuckled, smiling at him "How come you're in the hospital bed and still you're the one comforting me?"

Neal matched Peter's smile with the brightest he could muster in his state.

"That's just how good I am." he said, knowing that Peter would scoff and remind him for the nth time who was wearing a tracking anklet.

But he didn't. Peter's smile disappeared and Neal saw pure honesty in his eyes as he stared at Neal's with unwavering intensity. Neal swallowed dry, suddenly very nervous with Peter's mood change.

"You are." Peter said, voice low and heavy with emotions he was trying hard to keep to himself.

To Neal's slightly confused face, he continued.

"You are a good man and I couldn't have asked for a better partner and friend than you."

For the second – or third? – time that day Neal felt his eyes watering. He didn't know how to answer to that declaration. He was sure that if he opened his mouth right then he'd embarrass himself by confessing a four letter word that started with an 'L' to Peter, so he shut his mouth and opened a smile, hoping, no, knowing that Peter would understand it.

Neal still didn't know what had happened to him after he marched away from Peter's accusation, he didn't know what had caused that in the first place, or what had made him change his mind, but he was grateful for the moment of peace they were sharing.

It would end, Neal knew. Eventually he'd have to face whatever had happened, but for now everything was just right.

As Peter's hand was still running through his hair, his eyes kind and soft, Neal let himself drift off. The safety Peter's presence brought him every time was enough to send him back to sleep without a worry in his mind.

[purpleshimmer]

Music Videos in Season Two vs Season One

@thenationofzaun made a post about this too so I won’t talk too much about what they already said, but I wanted to talk a bit about why I feel the music videos in this season aren’t working the way they did in season 1

Spoilers below!

I love love love the music videos/sequences in season two, I really do! I think all the artists did an incredible job and the soundtrack is full of bangers so far. I love that Fortiche is branching out with different animation styles like the comic book sequence in episode 3 and the watercolor pictures in the flashback with vander. However, because they’re trying to fit so many plot points in 9 episodes they’re using these 2 minute music videos to tell stories and explain events that should’ve been given at least 15-20 minutes of screentime. The music videos are a great way to experiment with new animation styles and set up plots/events, which they did perfectly in season 1. 

S1E5 - “Enemy”

Enemy is played as Vi walks through the bar on her way to confront Sevika. However, we got plenty of context beforehand! We know why Vi is angry with Sevika, how she knew where to even find her, and got a really great fight scene between the two after the music played. The song showed Vi being badass and cool and set the mood for the fight, but wasn’t used to replace the Vi vs Sevika conflict. 

Compare this to something like the "Hellfire" music video in S2E3, where we don’t even see the task force enter Zaun. We should have seen Vi’s internal struggle with joining the Enforcers like she did in episode 1, but instead we can only assume that the event at the memorial service moved her enough for her to abandon her beliefs about the enforcers that she’s held since she was a small child and join them. We don’t get to see how Steb, Loris, Vi, Maddie, and Caitlyn work together and what their dynamics are like. We don’t see what Vi’s reaction is to releasing toxic gas on her own people, or them raiding the Vyx, we only see the aftermath of that and the scene in the arcade. The music video should have been used to set up the events, and then at least a few minutes of the episode should have shown the first raid on Zaun by the task force.

S1E6 - “Guns for Hire”

This is one of my favorite parts of season 1. The entire episode led up to the huge moment at the end where Jinx lit the flare to try and find her sister and for Piltover to block Zaun citizens out of Piltover. The end scene didn’t need to have dialogue or be drawn out because it was already explained for the entire episode. The music served its purpose by making us feel emotional and setting the next episodes. The same goes for “What Could Have Been” at the end of episode 9. I feel the same way about Woodkid’s other song, “To Ashes and Blood” in S2E3. The whole episode led up to that moment, so I think it was fine to have a music sequence as the final battle played out. 

S1E7 - “Misfit Toys”

This is the most “official” music video in season 1; the others are more so sequences with music played overtop of them instead of dialogue. The music video sets us up with information that we should know about the firelights BEFORE officially meeting them. We learn from the lyrics and the video that they are a group of Zaunites that are working to stop Silco and provide people a safe place to get away from Silco’s shimmer-ravaged city. It’s also just a great song and an incredible music video with a unique style. However, this isn’t ALL that we see of the Firelights. It’s used as a supplement, not a replacement, to their story. At least 1/3rd of episode 7 is about the Firelights, Ekko, and their relationship with Silco’s Zaun and Piltover, allowing for the audience to sympathize and connect with them further. 

This episode also features “Dynasties and Dystopia,” another great music video sequence. I love that it switches between Jinx and Ekko currently and as friends. It expands on their history and draws attention that these two used to be close friends, but are now trying to fight to the death. It works, in my opinion, because we already knew that they were friends, as this was established in the first three episodes of the show. The music video added to our knowledge, but wasn’t the first time we learned that they were friends. 

S2E1 - “I Can’t Hear It Now”

This one was so beautiful and made me sob the first time I watched it. The end of episode nine and the first parts of this episode prepared us for Cassandra’s death, and the funeral serves to show us Caitlyn’s reaction to it. It’s absolutely heartbreaking and beautiful; I wouldn’t change a single thing about this scene. 

S2E2 - “Sucker” 

I LOVE this song and I really like the music video that goes along with it. HOWEVER, the music video should have played at the beginning of the episode to remind the audience of the turf wars between the chem barons, and then at least half of the episode should have expanded on those conflicts. Instead we just got the two scenes with Smeech, who died almost immediately after. We never get to see Margot or Chross again, despite the fact that they are almost certainly still fighting. What was the result of that? We see the displaced people coming to Zauna and later Viktor’s camp, but why didn’t we get to see any of the political struggles between them (or any of the chem barons before their deaths)? We don’t get to learn about their organizations, we don’t see more of their personalities, we don’t see them fight outside of the music video, nothing. Maybe I’m just biased because I’ve loved the chem barons since their brief appearance in season 1, but the only reason I wasn’t upset about their small amount of screen time in season 1 was because I was expecting them to play a huge role in season 2. 

I loved the “Renegade” sequence, that was really fun and I don’t have anything negative to say about it other than that I wish my best friend Smeech didn’t get killed. 

S2E6 -"Remember Me"

I actually like this one! Putting aside the flaws with this plotpoint bc that’s not what this post is about, I actually think this one was well incorporated. We already knew some background about Vander and Silco’s relationship from season one, so this wasn’t sprung upon us randomly, and we even got a decently long flashback scene between the two. The music video was used to show a bit more information that could accurately be portrayed through the watercolor animation and without any dialogue, which I think it did successfully. 

S2E5 - “Cocktail Molotov” 

Again, I love this sequence, the song fits perfectly with the situation and it was exciting to watch. However, instead of playing at the beginning to set up Vi’s new living situation, it was the only part of her pitfighter life that we got to see. This was especially strange to me because of how much Riot hyped up pitfighter Vi before the season dropped; I really thought it would be a major part of the episode. We didn’t get to see a full fight between her and an opponent, we didn’t see any conversations between her and Loris, we didn’t even see how she ended up as a fighter in the first place. It was just “look at how cool she is! Also she’s drunk and sad” but we never got the chance to connect with her and feel what she was going through the way we did in season one when she was experiencing changes and struggles in her life.  

I didn’t cover all the songs bc this post is already really long, but that’s kind of how I’m feeling atm. I’d love to hear you guys’ opinions in the comments/tags!! Again I still love the music videos. I just think the ones in season 1 were better. I really hope I’m not sounding like I hate the show or something. I feel like a lot of my recent posts have been super negative 😭 I still love the show, I just have more criticisms with this season than I did for season 1, as I think a lot of people do.

[themadsquirrel09]

Eric and Kenny: the paranormal connection (Season 1 to 7)

Some of this has been explored in analysis like this one, but I wanted to look into Eric's and Kenny's mystical connection 🪄

The transplant

Eric steals Kenny's eyes 〰 S3E3 ☆ The Succubus

There are real life stories about people having personality changes after organ transplants.

"The most intriguing finding involved 'disconnected memories.' Several recipients reported vivid memories that seemed unrelated to their past experiences. These memories often involved sensory details, potentially linked to the organ donor."

I think it is also implied that Eric's optometrist is actually a monster (?).

The view of the fandom: For what I've noticed, it is a common headcanon that Kenny and Eric are connected since the transplant. There are fanartist who draw Cartman with heterochromia, mostly keeping one eye brown, or hazel, and the other blue.

I have heard mismatched eyes can be related to being able to see "the other world". Seems like Native American cultures believe people or animals with different colored irises see heaven and earth at the same time; in the pagan traditions of Europe, this was associated with witchcraft. I could not find a reliable source for this, though.

If you are wondering, eyes do not change color because of a transplant, or at least not like that; but it looks great and I think it works because it is South Park: weird things happens there.

We get to see that Kenny has blue eyes on S01E08 ∣ Starvin' Marvin. And Princess Kenny has purple eyes.

Kenny could actually have both; it is said Liz Taylor's eyes shifted color between blue and purple.

Through Kenny's eyes, Wizard Cartman has blue eyes!

Ghost message

Kenny dies in the movie and he appears to Eric as a ghost 〰 South Park: Bigger, longer, uncut.

This analysis is one I haven't found! So why is Eric is the only one who can see Kenny's ghost in the movie? or is the right question: why does Kenny only shows himself to Eric?

Let's explore some possibilities:

Eric is the only who can see Kenny because he has his eyes. It makes sense and the Succubus episode airs before the movie. For what I've found, this is usually the view of the fandom.

Kenny and Cartman have unfinished business. Since they made a bet just before the death! Kenny won the bet, but Cartman didn't pay. Some believe people with unfinished business are stuck and connected to the person who owes them.

It is said that ghosts and demons target the weakest: Cartman is a psycho, yes, also a very lonely child. In this scene Liane is singing to Eric, he asks her to keep going, but she "has to save her voice for work". Before she goes, Eric confronts about the porno video: she lies to him and goes away. Right after that, Kenny appears.

I think the V-chip could also have something to do, since electricity is shocking Cartman every time he curses and ghost are detected as electromagnetic changes in the ambience. It is a bit far fetched (?), but maybe he was working as a medium thanks to the chip.

Because it's funny! The idea of Cartman intimidated by Kenny is just something to giggle to.

1 body, 2 souls

Eric drinks Kenny's ashes and shares his body with him for almost a month 〰 A Ladder to Heaven ☆ S6E12 to The biggest douche in the universe ☆ S6E15.

I mean, wow. Cartman does not only access his memories, he feels like Kenny and sees through his eyes.

And what about what Kyle says? Is that just a fat joke, or could he be referencing the animated postcard that initiated South Park? If you watch it, you see a boy who looked like Cartman, but he was called Kenny. He dies.

They both die.

The name of a person can be important in literature and magic. Long ago, some people didn't revealed their name because it was believed that if other knew it, they could have power over them. An animation which references this is Spirited away (2001).

The awakening

The way Kenny awakes is awesome! This memory makes him speak up throughout Eric:

Kenny awakes at the the third time he shouts "Shut up Cartman, you blood-belching vagina!".

If you like horror, you probably have read or seen this: the act of repeating something 3 times can be a way to summon something or someone. We also get to see this on S11E10 ∣ Hell on Earth 2006!

Kenny was so willful to stand up for himself that he took control over Eric's body just to be heard; at the end of the episode, something similar happens:

After Kenny and Cartman start sharing a body, it all escalates. We see Kenny overpowering the speech and actions. After almost a month, Eric is dying because of this and they have to exorcise him.

My curse is to remember

Lets consider that Eric remembers Kenny's deaths and also a bunch of stuff he should not! 〰 Volcano ☆ S1E3, Cartmanland ☆ S5E6, and others.

The boys go camping and Cartman starts playing with a gun, but it sounds like he is having war flashbacks. Stan says he is lying and of course he could be right, but what if Eric does remember? Pasts lives, Kenny's deaths and who knows what else.

Even if it has never been confirmed, it all points towards the fact that Cartman remembers Kenny's deaths. Here you find my favorite evidence compilation.

Eric seems to be the only one who knows Kenny dies, also he tries to do something about it sometimes. In the End of obesity special we have him trying to reach for Kenny's hand.

Of course, Cartman remembering this kind of stuff can just be a gag, it also aligns with his character as he is some sort of trickster: on cartoon, the most likely archetype to know things they shouldn't, or break the 4th wall.

With South Park, this can be relevant or not, we don't know because of its negative narrative, which I love!

I do think Kenny and Cartman' s paranormal connection is there and their destiny is intertwined by the narrative, but only time will tell.

This was made for the @kenmanweek2023 💘