#ashercarson
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Nikolai: How do you think you'll stop me?
Jeremy: I'll tell Brandon.
Nikolai: You sick bastard!
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Baby: F...fa.........
Killian: Father?
Baby: Fuck Kayden Lockwood.
Killian:
Baby:
Killian:
Baby:
Killian: GLYN, COME HERE QUICKLY. OUR CHILD IS A FUCKING GENIUS!
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Carson Family Group Chat—
Glyn's Problem Now (Killian): So apparently, saying "I’ll harvest your organs for science" in med school is ‘concerning’.
Reina’s Loyal Dog (Asher): It is.
Shakespeare But Unhinged (Kayden): Why would you warn them first?
Sunshine With Issues (Gareth): That’s what you’re worried about???
Golden Uterus (Reina): Sweetheart, maybe rephrase it next time?
Killian’s Emotional Support Human (Glyndon): There should not be a next time.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Kayden: What’s your biggest fear?
Gareth: Commitment.
Kayden: …
Gareth: Not with you! I mean, just, in general—STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Gareth: I swear to God, all of you are clinically insane.
Killian: That’s a strong accusation coming from you.
Nikolai: Yeah, Mr. ‘I’ll burn this city to the ground if someone looks at Kayden for too long’.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 13 days ago
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Gareth: You look like you bathe in virgin blood as your nightly routine.
Jethro: Only on Thursdays. Self-care matters.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Gareth: I need some time away from you.
Kayden: That’s fine.
Gareth: …Really?
Kayden: Yes. I’ll just follow from a distance.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Gareth: I'm gay.
Asher: Oh! Good for you!
Gareth: And I'm in love with my professor, Kayden Lockwood.
Asher: I take it back. Unacceptable. The Bible said "Adam and Eve," not "Risk your degree for some D."
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 3 months ago
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Killian: bursts into the room, fuming. You will NOT believe what I just found out!
Nikolai: without looking up. Gareth is dating his Professor ?
Killian: HOW DO YOU KNOW?!
Jeremy: shrugs. We have eyes, Killian.
Nikolai: And ears.
Vaughn: And basic deduction skills.
Killian: spluttering. WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME?!
Jeremy: We were hoping you’d die peacefully, unaware.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Dissection of ‘Kiss the Villain’ Teaser because why not?
"I think we've established that you have a magnificent ability to be grotesque."
Okay, so right off the bat, Kayden is out here throwing high-level insults like he’s delivering a Shakespearean monologue. “Magnificent ability”?? Sir, that’s an SAT vocab insult. That’s the kind of insult you drop in a courtroom and then sip your coffee while the defense spirals into self-doubt.
My lips lift into a snarl, but I force them into a smile.
The level of internalized violence here. Gareth is seething, but his petty little soul refuses to let Kayden see him crack.
"I didn't seem grotesque when you came all over my mouth. You enjoyed it so much you kept coming on and on. I thought you would never stop."
GOOD. GOD. THE VISCERAL DISRESPECT.
Kayden threw a classy insult, and Gareth responded with a weapon of mass destruction. This man did not come to play; he came to ruin reputations. Not just destroy them—ruin them beyond recognition.
Also, let’s talk about how obnoxiously Gareth worded this. “You kept coming on and on.” That’s not just shade; that’s permanent eclipse.
"Your hole is the only useful thing about you."
Kayden said forget dialogue, forget literature, forget human decency. He threw Gareth into the trash and slammed the lid shut.
Also, the casual delivery of this line?? As if he’s stating a mundane fact?? Kayden is out here grading Gareth’s entire existence like:
Snarky attitude. ✅
Daddy’s money. ✅
A hole. ✅
Literally nothing else.❌
I think I see a change of expression, but it's so fleeting. I can't read it as it continues.
Translation: “I just got spiritually humbled, and I need a second to reboot.”
"But enough about that."
OH, OH, SO HE JUST MOVES ON??? This man wrecks Gareth’s entire being and then acts like it’s a minor inconvenience?? Kayden really said, “Yeah, you’re useless, but anyway, back to business.” The emotional terrorism. The calm audacity.
". And here I was dying to keep broaching the subject."
THE SASS. THE ABSOLUTE SASS.
Gareth, you are holding onto your last thread of dignity by a fingernail, but I respect the effort.
"Watch the way you speak to me. I'm your professor and will not tolerate any disrespect."
Sir. SIR. WHERE WAS THIS ENERGY THREE SECONDS AGO WHEN YOU WERE REDUCING THIS MAN TO NOTHING BUT A HOLE??
Also, imagine Kayden saying this in his best professional tone, meanwhile, we all know this conversation left professionalism in the dirt ten miles ago.
The firm edge in his voice gets my skin ablaze. It's uncomfortable, this feeling that's making me grip the notebook tighter.
OH??? SO YOU’RE TURNED ON???
Not Gareth trying to convince himself that this feeling is “uncomfortable” when his body is literally betraying him in 4K. King, we see you.
"I have no respect for you whatsoever, professor."
Gareth said, “Respect? Never heard of her.”
And honestly, good for him. He may be losing this battle, but he will not go quietly.
"I'll tell you this once, so listen carefully, Carson." He stands taller, forcing me to crane my head back to look up at him.
Okay, first of all, THE FUCKING HEIGHT DIFFERENCE! I WANNA SEE IT IRL!!! HOT!!!
Second of all, Gareth, baby, you are about to die.
"I have zero tolerance for spoiled, rich little brats like you who believe they can rule the world through their daddy's trust funds. If you don't drop the attitude and watch your mouth, I will fuck it into submission. Are we clear?"
Kayden just: Took Gareth’s entire personality, folded it neatly, and set it on fire.
Also, imagine being Gareth in this moment. You thought you were going to sass your way out of this. But NO. NO, SIR. You got a one-way ticket to the shadow realm.
And the way Kayden drops “fuck it into submission” so casually???? Like, my guy, you are at work.
Final Score:
Kayden: 1000000/10. Unshakable. Unbothered. Demon-level dominance.
Gareth: A very pretty corpse.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 3 months ago
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Killian: You’re creepy, controlling, and weird.
Kayden: And you’re loud, irritating, and still breathing near me.
Asher: Boys, boys, let’s not fight—you’re both disappointments.
Reina: Asher!
Asher: What? I’m just fostering honesty in this household.
Gareth: I’m filing for emotional emancipation.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Pastor: If anyone has any objections to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Asher: raises hand.
Killian: raises both hands.
Gareth: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
Kayden: smirking. Let them speak, I’m curious.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Asher: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Kayden: Married to Gareth, standing over your grave, probably.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Killian: You read law books for fun?
Kayden: Only when I’m not reading ‘How to Deal with Annoying Brother-in-Laws.’
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Asher: This was a successful trip.
Reina: We lost kayden.
Asher: This was a 100% successful trip.
Glyndon: We also lost Killian.
Asher: This was a 1000% successful trip.
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too-pretty-for-this-mess · 2 months ago
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Gareth: I am NOT possessive.
Kayden: You growled at a waiter who called me ‘sir.’
Gareth: HE WAS LOOKING AT YOU WITH HIS EYES.
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