#asextips

[asextips]

My friend was recently at work and a customer left her number for him unprompted. What should he do?

Wow, congratulations to your friend! It appears that he has successfully navigated a Flirtative Encounter, which is a wonderful accomplishment. Bravo!

It depends wholly on your friend's intentions/reaction. Does he plan on pursuing this unexpected potential romance? There are several paths he could take. 

1. Serious

Sometimes love at first sight happens and that is a beautiful thing. This is something that should be immediately pursued and chased before it can escape. What does he know about this customer? He must take all of this information - phone number, name, etc, and find out everything he can online. It must be assumed, of course, that she is doing the same thing, because this level of true love can only be mutual. Finding everything possible about her before properly meeting ensures the speeding up of the dating process; it allows them to skip all of the tedious and boring getting-to-know-you stuff and skip right to the classic and passionate romance! 

Only until he is an expert on her (and, it is assumed, she is an expert on him) should he actually call her.

2. Apprehensive

What, you expect him to actually call her?! Why would you make him do that?! Worst. Idea. Ever.

3. Hopeful but Phone-phobic

Do enough research to find out where she lives, at the very least. Instead of calling her, he should instead stand below her window, teen romcom style, and blast something romantic. This will make her fall madly in love with him. No call necessary!

These are, at least in my experience, the three main paths to follow once one receives positive results from a Flirtative Encounter. However, if your friend has some sort of different, unnatural reaction, let me know! And we can try to figure out some different path to take. Together~!

[asextips]

Would you make an exception for James T. Kirk? What about Batman?

Well, for Kirk, honestly I'd just ask him to please take off his clothes and then sit in a chair in front of me so I can stare at him for hours.

Batman I'd consider, but he'd probably wanna break my legs or punch me in the face or something and honestly I'm really not into that.

[asextips]

What should I listen to during sex?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbj27i3HPeM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPnGPIMUnus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcUi6UEQh00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUwvhOaojoc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_izvAbhExY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obgswSg292c

and then just finish with the entirety of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6-KspZegsE

[asextips]

what kind of condoms should i buy? i can't decide if i should get flavored or ribbed or studded or glitter or what

buy all of them for an extra special variety! but be aware of the pros and cons of each:

ribbed

pros: it feels good and shit

cons: your partner may mistake you for a shark and call animal control on your penis

studded

pros: it will make you feel like a stud

cons: you may end up turning into the asshole kind of stud who wears sunglasses indoors, which can be dangerous, if the sunglasses fall off in the middle of sex, fall in between your bodies and stab you in the organ

glitter

pros: you will feel sexy like a vampire

cons: you may be attacked by rabid Twilight fans mid-coitus