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dreamofcentipedes · 5 years ago

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The Wedding of Haruhi Suzumiya

Summary: Suzumiya Haruhi is getting married. Time has gone by so quickly, and yet, all of a sudden, it appears to stop. It seems Kyon can't get a day off, even on his wedding day!

Fandom: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Ship: Kyon/Haruhi

Characters: Kyon, Haruhi, Nagato, Mikuru, Koizumi, Taniguchi, Kunikida, Tsuruya, Kyon’s Little Sister.

Rating: Teen Words: 10,578 Link to AO3

A/N: This is a present for my wonderful friend @harleyquilt’s birthday! I'm glad I introduced you to the series so I could have an excuse to write this fic hahaha. It's written in the style of the novels, so from Kyon's first person POV.

To anyone who's not Leila, this fic is based on anime-only canon; so that's why characters like Kimidori aren't here since she's not very relevant in the show. Enjoy!

Something was wrong. I felt it in my gut.

Ah, allow me to clarify. It was not the kind of odd feeling one might feel when forced to repeat summer over fifteen thousand times because of the oddly conscientious whims of a typically self-centred high school girl. I won’t force you all through that again – so long as Haruhi doesn’t force me to. Hey, if I suffer, you suffer! That’s the compensation I’ve earned from you, universe, for all my sterling efforts to save you. I may have admitted I enjoy a good deal of what Haruhi forces me into, but stuff like an endless summer is just too much. Today, at least, should be free of the kind of chaotic events that follow Haruhi around like the Duke of Buckingham to King James I of England (and VI of Scotland).

Or so Koizumi says. Which brings me back to the problem at hand. Or that is, the problem of the minute hand. On the clock that stared down at me from the wall like a Great Old One about to nonchalantly crush swarms of insignificant humans underfoot, I saw that there was only half an hour remaining until the ceremony.

“The Agency extends their full gratitude to you for what you’re doing today. If it all goes well, we won’t have to worry about Closed Space appearing for a few months at the very least.” Koizumi brushed some non-existent lint off his light grey suit and patted down his yellow silk tie. Smart and snazzy as always. He better not outshine me at my own wedding.

“I think you have an overly optimistic view on marriage. And on Haruhi, for that matter. Her temper will blow at my first sign of disobedience.”

“You think so? I hoped you’d know your fiancé better than that. To Suzumiya-san, you are an exceptionally important person. It will be hard to dent her good mood after all these years of holding back.”

I didn’t say anything back, but as I adjusted my red tie over my blue suit in an outfit reminiscent of my old High School uniform, I thought about what he said. I hoped he was right, and not for the sake of the world or reality or whatever other annoying stuff he cares about. Haruhi’s smiling face was just a pleasant sight for me to see, that’s all. It’s not like I was marrying her because the Agency wanted me to. I barely even know those guys.

“I’m sure Nagato-san and Asahina-san will also extend you their appreciation at the reception. On behalf of their organisations, that is.”

I had some idea of what he was talking about with that clarification. I did worry about those two, but I had made my decision and didn’t have any regrets. At least where that matter is concerned. Otherwise, there was still that ball of anxiety in my chest wrapped up like a mangled slinky.

Ah, we really did get sidetracked, didn’t we? Yes, this is the odd feeling that was haunting me. Wedding jitters, cold feet, spineless hesitation from the latest generation of worthless men – call it what you like, I could barely keep my hands still as I fussed endlessly over the tightness of my tie. That’s what I hoped it was, anyway, but I had the sinking feeling it was something more than that, and worse, that I knew what it was. I desperately needed someone to talk me, but Haruhi had somehow managed to hijack my own Best Man, so Koizumi served as my substitute. Creepy as he was, he was at least a calm presence. Taniguchi would send me insane.

Of course, I couldn’t tell him I was nervous. It would be a cold day in hell before I admitted weakness in front of him. He was an annoyingly observant guy, though.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

His voice slipped into a more serious tone. I left the mirror alone at that and turned to face him. Watchful brown eyes peeked out from his usual squint.

“Of course I am.” I grumbled.

Koizumi gave a smile that seemed a little sad, then clapped a hand on my shoulder.

“Then see it through.”

With that, he gestured to the door.

“Well, being the joyous occasion that it is for Suzumiya-san, I doubt any strange phenomena will occur. But the job of an esper is never over. I will be patrolling the grounds for anything that seems out of place. I hope you’ll survive without me until then.”

As he was turning the handle, I felt a strange mix of frustration and sadness rise up in me. To any shrinks in the area, I’d like to get this checked out, please. But whatever it was, it made me call out to him: “You’ll be at the ceremony, won’t you?”

His hand let go of the doorknob and he looked at me, surprised.

“You’re a member of the SOS Brigade, after all.” I continued. “If you’re not there, Haruhi would be devastated. Then the world would really be in danger.”

He lowered his eyes and that sad smile crept up again. I decided, compared with this, I’d prefer that sickeningly sweet smile he usually plasters on his face. But before long he turned his eyes back to me with a slightly more jovial expression.

“You may be right. I’ll do my best if you do yours.”

He opened the door and left the room, leaving me alone with my unsatisfactory tie. What’s more, that clock was staring at me again, with only half an hour to go. Hey, cut it out. You’re not my Best Man, are you? Actually, where was my Best Man?

Well, since the wedding was Western-style it was a bit less of a pain to prepare for than Japanese-style weddings, but I still found myself combing my hair in five different directions. Eventually I got tired of it and set off to find my AWOL assistant. As I traversed the corridors, I noticed the legs and torso of someone in a black suit and tie making his way down the stairs. It was silly of me to hope for the best, but instead it was Taniguchi.

“Kyon my man! I’ve been looking for you all over!”

“Well, I was looking for Kunikida. Seen him anywhere?”

“Nope, not even once! What an unreliable guy! It’s not too late to change Best Men, you know.” He gave a grin that made me want to punch him on the nose.

“Really? I’ll let Koizumi know, then.”

Taniguchi looked aghast. “Koizumi? That creepazoid? You’d pick him over me, your constant buddy over three years of high school and four years of university?”

Like radioactive waste, I couldn’t ethically get rid of him. Well, maybe I did have some fun times with him around. It was much more enjoyable to not let him know that, though. When I didn’t respond, he acted hurt.

“Hmph! Well, I can’t see why you’d resign yourself to a lifetime chained to a girl like that anyway!” He raised his hands and shook his head with an insufferably smug expression. “Aah, she has you well and truly whipped, doesn’t she? Forcing you to flush your youth away down the toilet of the marriage bed.”

Ignoring that his metaphor was painfully inconsistent, I just asked him whether he’d gotten a girlfriend yet. He quickly shut up with an expression like Aeschylus must have had when he was mortally wounded by an airborne tortoise.

“Speaking of, Kyon,” he asked me when he had recovered, sidling up to me like a drug dealer in a black-and-white film noir and whispering to me, “You two have…done it, right?”

I pushed his face away from my ear. There was a 20% chance I was blushing. No, 10%. 5% tops! But if any such out-of-character situation was occurring, I didn’t want Taniguchi to see it. He probably did anyway.

“You have!” He laughed. “You totally have! Oh man, oh man, oh man, OH MAN!”

Haruhi and I had been dating since our last year of high school, so I don’t know why he was so surprised. What, did he seriously think the woman who had sexually assaulted Asahina-san on a daily basis was the type to save herself for marriage? This guy was purer than I thought. I placed a hand on his shoulder in sympathy.

“Uh, what’s this about?” Taniguchi brushed it off sheepishly. “So? She’s into some weird stuff, right? Does she make you do dress-up?”

Everything about his tone and expression was cringe-inducing. Just when I was resigning myself to indulge this overgrown 14 year old with the rudimentals of my sex life as the only alternative to my anxiety, I was saved by a benevolent god called Kunikida.

“Ah, Kyon, I’m so sorry!” He was red-faced and out of breath, rushing down the stairs as fast as he could while carrying about five bags with him. He came to a halt in front of me and dropped them to the ground, panting heavily. It’s a good thing he was wearing black, because otherwise the growing pools of sweat under his armpits might be much more obvious.

“Hmm, look who finally decided to show up!” Taniguchi remarked jealously.

“Taniguchi, zip it. It’s fine, Kunikida. What does she want this time?”

Kunikida returned to a stable condition and raised his head. “She wants to know which ribbon you’d like best.”

I shook my head with the fond exasperation that girl always exerts in me. Yare yare. Isn’t the bride’s appearance supposed to be a surprise for the groom? Nagato might be useless in the fashion department, but couldn’t she rely on Asahina-san and Tsuruya-san’s advice a bit more? Even my sister, another of my comrades she’d hijacked, had started to become fashion conscious. But Haruhi’s never coped with uncertainty too well. I decided I might as well have a look, lest her stress blow a hole in the fabric of the cosmos.

There was a red one, a blue one with black stripes, a purple one, orange with polka dots…I didn’t know why they each needed their own separate bags. But the choice was a pretty easy one for me. It was just too nostalgic.

“Let’s go with yellow.” I told Kunikida.

He nodded with approval. “I thought you’d pick that one. It’s just like the one she wore back at North High. I told her that, but she made me check with you anyway.” He pouted. “Well, I’ll report back then.”

“Oi, Kunikida.”

“Hm?”

“Any more tyrannical demands Haruhi makes of you, refuse them.” Kunikida paled. “Just tell her it’s a direct order from the groom. I’ll take the heat. For now, I need you to help get me ready.”

Kunikida nodded, told me he wouldn’t be long, and disappeared up the stairs. I imagined the chaos that must be happening up there, the hell Haruhi must be putting all her poor bridesmaids and even my Best Man through. I imagined Haruhi in her bridal dress, with that yellow ribbon in her hair…and my stomach knotted again as other thoughts rushed through my head in concert. I felt so dizzy I thought I might fall over. Steadying myself with a strong exhale, I grabbed Taniguchi’s sleeve.

“Move it, Taniguchi. I need a substitute until Kunikida gets back.”

I needed some company, any company, even if just to make sure I didn’t fall over and ruin my meticulously pressed suit. Taniguchi seemed pretty ecstatic about it, though, so I didn’t tell him that last part. We moved into my dressing room.

I was reaching for the comb on the side of my desk when I noticed that accursed clock again. ‘Accursed’. Only then did I begin to realise just how accurate that description truly was.

Because only half an hour remained until the ceremony.

“Hm?”

I stared at the clock, wondering if I misread it. But no, the hands didn’t lie. It wasn’t broken, either: the second hand was happily ticking away, and the minute hand slowly moving with it.

“Hey Kyon, earth to Kyon. You still with us man?”

I turned to the bemused Taniguchi, then looked back at the clock. When I did, I saw something that made that ‘wrong’ feeling that had been ruthlessly assaulting my small intestine level up at least twice, with major boosts to its ATK, DEF, and SPD. Because although the second hand was now ticking down from the top of the clock, the minute hand had returned to exactly half past 2.

Despite all the conversations and activities I had gotten up to since the clock had struck that time, despite all the time that had seemingly passed – somehow, it was still exactly half an hour until I married Haruhi.

I prayed for the sake of my already trembling heart that it was just a broken clock. But when I snatched my phone off the counter, I saw the exact same time glaring at me: 14:30.

I crammed my phone back into my pocket with frustration. Koizumi! No strange phenomena, he said, as though I could trust him. One day that guy’s going to get a career peddling snake oil. Dammit! This was the last thing I needed today! I slammed my hands against the counter and stared at the clock.

“Hey, Kyon, aren’t you gonna – ”

“Shut it, Taniguchi.”

Thankfully, he did. I looked at the clock, allowed a few seconds to pass, looked away, then immediately looked back. The seconds had reset.

I rubbed my sweating temples with my equally clammy hands.

“Taniguchi, I need you to do me a favour.”

“Huh? Sure! You can always count on – ”

“Hold my eyes open for me.”

“Wha?” He was clearly taken aback. “Uh, Kyon, you feeling okay?”

“Groom’s orders.”

He sighed, muttering something about me being as crazy as Haruhi, before I experienced the highly unpleasant sensation of Taniguchi lifting my eyelids up. I stared intently at the clock.

My stinging eyes, desperate to blink, beheld a full minute passing before I told Taniguchi it was enough and rushed to sink my eyes back into peaceful oblivion, like a salaryman collapsing in his bed after a particularly nasty overtime shift. When I opened them again, 2:31 was no more, and 2:30 was back with an insufferable grin on its clock face. Stop looking at me like that, arsehole. I’ll break your hands.

I exhaled. I guess it couldn’t be helped. I knew what I was getting myself into when I proposed to Haruhi, and honestly, at any other time I might look forward to this kind of sci-fi event. But Haruhi, could you really not hold off on the day of our wedding, at the very least?!

No, maybe that’s too hasty. I’ve always been too quick to point the finger at my fiancé in the past, but in my defence, if you’re in a room with a known thief and something goes missing, who else are you going to accuse? But I should stick with what I know: that the moment I take my eyes off the time, it resets to 2:30, with all the events that have happened since then left unchanged.

“Taniguchi, notice anything?”

“Huh? Notice what?” He looked so confused I almost felt sorry for him. “What are you going on about, Kyon?”

So Taniguchi hadn’t realised anything was wrong. He wasn’t looking for anything suspicious, so it makes sense. That, and he’s an idiot. In any case, it saved me a headache-inducing explanation about a problem I hardly understood myself.

Right, there was nothing left for it then.

“Oh, dang! Taniguchi, I forgot my cufflinks!”

“Eh? But you’re wearing them right now…”

“No no no, these are just my temporary cufflinks. Koizumi should be bringing me my real cufflinks – could you ask around if anyone’s seen him?”

“Haah? Temporary cufflinks? Why are you wearing temporary cufflinks?”

“No time to explain, I need them right now. There’s only half an hour to go you know! Think you could be my Best Man for a while?”

Taniguchi perked up at that. “Ah…well…”

“I’m counting on you!” I gave him a thumbs up and sprinted out of the room, leaving a baffled Taniguchi looking this way and that. He’ll play along in the end, he always does. Let it not be said that I haven’t learnt anything during my time in the SOS Brigade. Seven years’ experience of lying through your teeth counts as a transferrable skill, right? I doubt I’ll get to put it on my CV, anyhow.

My mood darkened as the thought crossed through my mind. What, we’re making jokes about this, now? I furrowed my brow as I ran up the stairs. Really, just how irresponsible could I be…

With my eyes fixed on the ground, I didn’t notice the sudden appearance of a wild Kunikida at the top of the stairs. His sudden “Hey, Kyon!” wasn’t enough to stop me from slamming into him. He managed to keep his balance, but my knees hit landing. First of all, ouch; but much more importantly I hoped my suit wasn’t crumpled.

“Kyon, are you okay? What’s the hurry?”

“Ah…my bad, Kunikida. I just needed to see Nagato and Asahina-san.” I told him, standing up and zealously cleaning my suit legs like a medieval Catholic priest with a supposed segment of the Holy Cross. If Taniguchi could summon Koizumi, and I could get to Nagato and Asahina-san, at least one of them should be able to help me skip to the end of this poorly-timed adventure.

“Eh? But they’re with Suzumiya-san, you know?” He was shaking like a leaf. I was really starting to wonder what kind of torture Haruhi was putting him through.

“That’s fine. Like I said, I can take the heat.”

“Eh? That’s not the problem!” Kunikida objected. “The groom can’t see the bride before the ceremony, it’s bad luck!”

Could I really be having worse luck than I was having now? Actually, wait, this is Haruhi we’re talking about. If she thinks I’ll get bad luck, I probably will. I sighed.

“Could you get them for me, then? It really is urgent.”

Kunikida looked at me with the confused expression I had become so used to as a member of the SOS Brigade.

“Okay, if you say so…”

“Sorry to make you keep walking up and down these stairs.”

Kunikida proceeded at an annoyingly leisurely pace. I wanted to yell at him to get a move on, but when I thought about it, there really wasn’t any need to hurry at all. Time wasn’t moving. Or, it was, but in a way that it wasn’t. Well, I didn’t need an explanation, just a resolution, but I still felt kind of stupid for running all that way and messing up my clothes.

After what felt like a few minutes but what was, in actuality, no time at all, Kunikida reappeared with Nagato in tow. She had on a sleeveless light purple dress with an interesting shading pattern. It suited her pretty well, so I’m sure she had nothing to do with its selection.

“Ah, thanks Kunikida, Nagato.” But something was missing from this picture. “Where’s Asahina-san?”

Kunikida opened his mouth, but Nagato pointed wordlessly up the stairs.

“She’s still upstairs? Why?”

“Leaving Suzumiya Haruhi alone with the girl Tsuruya and your sibling…” Nagato stared at the ground, probably recalibrating. “…Dangerous.”

Couldn’t argue with that. Actually, yes I could. All due respect to our valued members of staff who might fall victim to that tyrannical trio, but I’m first in line for compensation! Move along! Just then, as if as a counter-argument, I heard a high-pitched wail echo from the upper floor followed by a string of indecipherable yelling.

Well, now I knew I was right – far more dangerous than leaving them alone was leaving Asahina-san alone with them! I held back my oncoming migraine and begged Kunikida to go and save her.

“B-but…they’re…I’ll…”

“Groom’s orders!”

I’m pretty sure it’s not a rule that the word of the groom is absolute during his wedding. But for some reason, whenever I said it, it worked, so I wasn’t going to quit now. Kunikida meekly jogged up the stairs, surely getting a pretty good workout by this point.

Well, besides rescuing Asahina-san it also got Kunikida out of the way for me to ask Nagato what exactly was going on.

She stared at me for a few seconds. “It is your wedding.”

Uh, no Nagato – I mean yes, but that’s beside the point. I showed her the time on my phone and gave her a brief rundown of the situation as I understood it.

She stared at me for another few seconds. “You are referring to the chrono-shift?”

I wasn’t exactly thrilled she knew about this already.

“Hey, Nagato, I know you were only sent here to observe, but you have a lot more freedom now, you know? If you notice some strange event going on, could you tell me next time?” It felt weird having to talk to a hyper-intelligent being as though she were a five year old who didn’t understand what was wrong with hoarding crayons from the other kids, but social courtesies weren’t Nagato’s forte.

“I was providing assistance to Suzumiya Haruhi. It was also highly probable you would notice the occurrence of the chrono-shift and seek consultation with me yourself; so it was not considered urgent. Time was not...of the essence.” From the long look she gave from those golden-brown eyes speckled with melancholy, I had the feeling she wasn’t telling the whole truth. But I certainly couldn’t lecture her on that front, so I decided not to drag it out of her. Let’s start with the basics.

“What is a chrono-shift?”

“Chrono-shift. A space-time event wherein a selection of space is held in abstraction from the flow of time. Its marginal presence allows time to pass as normal only while an observer is conscious of its transition, however, as soon as observation ceases, the abstracted time will correct itself. With the exception of these moments of observation, the time within the abstracted space will move differently than the time outside the target area.”

After all these years, I still couldn’t begin to decipher Nagato-ese. Where was Koizumi when you needed him? Even Asahina-san would do. She was the time traveller, after all.

“Do you know how to stop it?” I asked her the far more useful question.

“To reverse the eruption of a chrono-shift, access to technology enabling time travel is required.”

I scratched my head at the thought of more time travel escapades. I really didn’t want to run the risk of getting stabbed on my wedding day like I had on my most memorable trip through time, but whatever we had to do, we needed Asahina-san. I lent my ear to the sounds of muffled calamity still occurring above us. It appeared Kunikida had gone MIA, so contacting Asahina-san became not just a practical but an ethical obligation.

I told Nagato to follow me as I stomped up the stairs. Haruhi had been behaving herself on this front a lot more since our first year of High School, but I guessed Bridesmaid-Mikuru was just too much for her. Well, it’s not like I wasn’t interested to see it myself…Oi universe, what’s with that judgemental look? I may be a soon-to-be-married man, but if my bride isn’t going to leave her lust at the door then I retain the right to wandering eyes!

However, this internal act of defiance felt somewhat pointless, as it was not the thought of Asahina-san that had set my heart thundering in my chest. Thinking of Haruhi in a bridal gown again made me feel completely dizzy, a warm feeling suffusing all throughout my body like a bacterial infection. Was this really real? Wasn’t this some kind of alternate reality, where the consequences of my actions wouldn’t have the slightest effect on the real world? Ever since our first kiss in Closed Space, I had always felt like Haruhi and I would always remain in more or less the same state, me as reluctant servant and her as diabolical overlord. Well, I supposed our marriage wasn’t going to be too different from that, but even when we started dating four years ago it felt like I had somehow achieved something I had never expected to, even knowing how she felt, even knowing how I felt. Like an alternate reality, I guess. But it was here, in this one.

At least, it was for me. Given what I knew and what she didn’t, it was like we were living in two completely different worlds.

The thick, glutinous knot that had been squeezing my chest came back with a vengeance. I’m sorry, Haruhi. I can’t do right by you. I can’t even wait for the ceremony before seeing you. I want your forgiveness, but I can’t even tell you what I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Kunikida knocked me out of depressive spiral again, this time with a door to my face.

“Eh – Kyon?! You can’t come in here!” Kunikida objected to my crumpled corpse. For some reason, his black tie was wrapped in a bandanna around his head. Is this really the time to kickstart your delinquent lifestyle, Kunikida?!

“Ehhhhhhhhhhhh? Kyon-kun is - !!!” Came Asahina-san’s soft, panicked voice.

“Ohohoh, couldn’t wait for the ceremony, could he? Hey Suzumiya-san, your hubby-to-be’s more of a man than I thought!” That carefree and boisterous tone could only belong to Tsuruya-san.

“KYON-KUN!” And that was…

My sister barrelled out of the room in a pink dress with her finger taking aim at my chest.

“You can’t see the bride before the wedding you know! It’s forbidden! For-bid-den!”

She was driving me back like a bulldozer driven by some Hollywood action hero, giving my chest an extra prod with each syllable.

“It’s important, I have to talk to Asahi- ”

“NO IFS!” She paused for effect. “NO BUTS!”

I hadn’t said either if nor but, but I was sure telling her that would only earn me another piledriver. What happened to the cute sister I had known all those years ago? She’s been spending way too much time with Haruhi. It was a sister-in-law tag team I had come to dread.

“Eh? Kyon-kun wants to see me…um…this isn’t the best the time…” Asahina-san’s dulcet tones rang out from behind the door.

“Asahina-san!” I slipped out from behind my sister’s human wall. “I have something I need to talk to you about! With Nagato.”

“N-Nagato-san is…?” She seemed to have got the hint about what kind of conversation this would be. “U-um…what should I do…?”

“Well, well, what’s this, Kyon-kun?” The mischievous face of Tsuruya-san in a dark blue, Chinese-style dress emerged from behind the door, intercepting my path. “You want to see Mikuru? Not your lovely bride? Aw man, it’s the day of the wedding and we already have a scandal on our hands! I’d expect nothing less from you, Kyon-kun!”

What exactly was that supposed to mean?! I gave her my best attempt at a stare like the kind a cowboy might have while saying this town wasn’t big enough for the both of them.

“Tsuruya-san, whatever you and Haruhi have been doing to Asahina-san, cut it out now! This is important!”

I started marching towards the door. At that time, I was reminded of the Charge of the Light Brigade and the three hundred Spartans at Thermopylae, but I didn’t let such depressing and realistic examples deter me from my righteous crusade.

“KYON-KUN, YOU CAN’T – Ah!”

Ever the reliable ally, Nagato easily fended off my sister’s hug-attacks with timely swishes of her arm. I charged on past the useless defence of Kunikida towards Tsuruya-san. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah, wait a minute!”

Even Tsuruya-san’s spirited defence was insufficient against my determination. I ducked under her arms and passed right on through towards the growing sounds of quite a few panicked noises from Asahina-san. It’s okay, Asahina-san – I’ll do my best not to look!

The open door was in front of me. Asahina-san, to my relief and confusion, was fully dressed in an angelic white gown. But Haruhi…Haruhi was…

“G-G-G-G-GEEEEEEEEET OOOOUUUUUUUUT!”

Her flushing face slammed the door into mine, literally. I dropped to the floor, more from astonishment than the force of the blow. My nose was bleeding for a different reason, too, but don’t tell anyone. What was that?

Hey now, me. Is it really so shocking to see Haruhi half-dressed? You’ve seen her butt naked more than a few times – in fact, you’ve gotten to know that Haruhi very well indeed (oi, wipe that smirk off your face). I hadn’t been expecting it, so there was that, but I think what really did it for me was what she still had on. Just like in my imagination, there was something about seeing her half in her bridal dress that turned me on to a ridiculous degree. I felt the need to stand up and clamp my legs together.

Not long after, following much berating from Tsuruya-san and my sister and muffled shouts from behind the door, Asahina-san eventually eked open the door and crept through, leaving no room for even the slightest peek.

“Um…sorry about that, Kyon-kun…”

“I-it’s fine. Uh, can I ask what you were doing…?”

“Preparing your bride for her wedding night, of course! Wahahaha!” Tsuruya-san tormented me, and I felt like throttling her, just a little bit.

“N-no! It wasn’t like that! Kyon-kun, it really wasn’t like that!” Poor Asahina-san seemed like she was about to cry. It wasn’t even you I saw! I calmed down and gave a reassuring nod to show her I believed her. She exhaled with relief.

“Suzumiya-san couldn’t decide on what dress she wanted to wear…or how she wanted to wear it…so she asked us to help her decide…um…”

“And well, we thought we should have some fun with it! Get revenge for Mikuru’s suffering all those years ago, wahaha!”

“I-it was you who thought that, Tsuruya-san!” Asahina-san desperately objected. As if I could believe Saint Asahina could want revenge for anything. The girl turns her other cheek before someone even slaps her.

Wait, hold on – does this mean my Best Man has seen my bride naked?! I redirected my death-glare from Tsuruya-san to Kunikida. He started waving his hands in front of him as if he was trying to deflect my laser vision.

“I-I didn’t see anything! I tried to stop them, like you said, but Tsuruya-san grabbed me and wrapped my tie around my eyes!” He tugged on the tie now wrapped around his forehead. “They made me help out, but I was totally blind!”

I folded my arms and turned towards Tsuruya-san, who was nodding in confirmation, looking like she was having way too much fun. Satisfied, I gave Kunikida a solemn nod. It made no sense to try to get someone you just blinded to help you, but that kind of thing was just like Tsuruya-san. Then I realised something.

“Wait, it’s thirty minutes before the wedding, and she still hasn’t decided on her dress yet?” I groaned. “Well, it is like her to skim over important stuff like this…”

“Kyon-kun!” My sister scolded me. What now?! “That’s not how it was at all! Haruhi-nee thought really hard about it, but couldn’t decide, so she bought three just in case! She’s thinking about it even now just to make sure she looks as good as possible for your wedding!”

A-aah. That’s really quite sweet, actually. But Haruhi, please dial down your spending habits after we get married. And come to think of it, why does my sister use sibling honorifics for you when she doesn’t for her biological brother?!

“Suzumiya-san was totally psyched out when you turned up, Kyon-kun.” Tsuruya-san was squashing her cheeks between her hands and swivelling back and forth in adoration. “She was so nervous she couldn’t get out a word! Ah, young love…”

To my knowledge Tsuruya-san was the same age as the rest of us, but in Haruhi’s universe, I knew better than to make hasty assumptions. She could still be a slider/ghost/Mobile Suit Gundam yet. But what she said was kind of interesting. If Haruhi was feeling as anxious as me, maybe this was just a normal feeling after all…

“Well, we better get back to work. Please bring Mikuru back when you’re done with her, Kyon-kun. Only half an hour left to go~!” Tsuruya-san intoned, pulling Kunikida’s tie over his eyes and pushing him through the door, followed by my sister. “Suzumiya-saaaan, we’re coming in!”

Left outside with Asahina-san and Nagato, I prayed for my bride’s wellbeing. Intervention from me was clearly the opposite of what she wanted right now. For someone so bold, she really was easily embarrassed.

Anyway, we had even bigger fish to fry on a day that was beginning to qualify as a community barbecue for the fishmongers of the world. Leading my co-conspirators away from the door into an empty room, I gave Asahina-san a rundown of the situation.

“I think it’s called a chrono-shift. Nagato told me her understanding of it, but I’d appreciate it if I could hear yours as well.” What do you think? Cooler than admitting I had no idea what she was talking about, right?

“A – a chrono-shift…” Asahina-san performed the same clock-based experiment I had a little while earlier, minus a slave to hold her eyes open. “Oh no…what are we…what are we going to do?!” Her big amber eyes began shaking like a farm animal that had wandered too close to the electric fence. This didn’t look good. On my wedding, of all days - !

“Asahina-san, is it really that big of a problem? Can’t we fix it?”

Asahina-san shook her head. “A chrono-shift is…the time that we’re in is running differently from the time in the rest of the world. It will only run the same when we’re observing the time, on a clock or a phone or a…classified information…” She looked around nervously, only just remembering to censor herself in her panic. “But it will reset as soon as we look away!”

I scratched my head and thought it over. “Then to escape the chrono-shift, can’t we just go to an area where time is moving normally?”

“If it doesn’t cover the entire building then it should be fine…the wedding could still happen that way…but there’s no telling how large the chrono-shift is; sometimes it can cover districts, cities, countries, planets…”

My hand clapped against my forehead in despair. Planets?! You’re kidding. It was tough enough to get this venue, I’m not about to navigate the Martian marriage services!

“Asahina-san, isn’t there something we can do? Nagato said we might be able to, uh, ‘reverse the eruption’ with time travel technology.”

“Yes, but something of that scale…we’d need the classified information of the classified information, right in the heart of the classified information!” Asahina-san’s terrified babble was barely making sense anymore. “My TPDD just isn’t enough…I’m sorry, Kyon-kun…on your wedding day…”

“It’s okay, Asahina-san.” I reassured her. “We don’t know how large the chrono-shift is, do we? There’s still a chance we can get out of it and time can move normally again.” I turned to the silent alien next to me. “Nagato, I’m sorry for always relying on you like this, but do you think you could find Koizumi while Asahina-san and I check the grounds? He might be in my dressing room, if you know where that is.”

I had already sent Taniguchi on Search & Recon, but now I had Nagato at hand, I wasn’t going to rely on a half-trained mutt over a SR-71 reconnaissance jet.

She nodded. “Where should I bring them?”

“Oh, uh, the dressing room is fine.”

She gave another nod, announced she was leaving (a cute courtesy she never used to do), and softly stepped out of the room. Now it was just me and Asahina-san. I fully intended to check the grounds with her, but there was something else I wanted to check with her first.

“It’s okay, Asahina-san. You can stop acting now.”

The trembling Asahina-san froze. “Wha-what?”

I rubbed my hand against the back of my head. “I’ve never told you this, but I’ve met the future you more than a few times. You came back in time again to help me out. You can’t be too far from her in age now, and you look a lot like her…so I figure you must behave a lot like her too, when you’re in private.”

Asahina-san looked at me, agog, like a prey animal sizing up a new invader into its territory, discerning whether it’s a threat. I looked back at her with the gentlest expression I could manage; my usual slumped shoulders and casual demeanour hopefully communicated my very real ease with the whole situation.

Asahina-san brushed her hair a little from her forehead. “I really am nervous, though.” She told me in a mature and familiar voice. When she lifted her face, it was as though the future Asahina-san was standing in her place. “I’m sorry, Kyon-kun. For everything…”

I gave a small smile. I knew I was right. Koizumi suggested something like this to me ages ago, but I never bought the convoluted conspiracy theory that went along with it. It was just a hunch, really. How does the saying go? ‘Takes one to know one’.

“It’s fine, Asahina-san. They were your orders, right? We’ve all been keeping secrets.”

Tears, real tears were brimming at the corners of her eyes. She lifted her finger and brushed them aside.

“Kyon-kun…only you would understand…only you…” Though much more controlled than the ‘younger’ Asahina-san, her voice was still shaky. “I wish…” But whatever it is she was going to say, I never found out. Her sentence trailed off into the past forever. After a tremulous breath, she asked:

“Do you want to know why?”

I shook my head.

“That’s not really important to me. Even if you weren’t being honest with me, everything’s turned out pretty much exactly how I would have wanted it. I can’t blame you for that, Asahina-san. But can I just ask you one thing?”

She breathed in, bringing her emotions under control. “Yes?”

“Were you always the way you are now?”

She offered me a sad smile. “I was never quite the way I presented myself to you. But I was a lot closer to that person I was pretending to be than I am now. I really was young, scared, inexperienced…I just knew what I was doing a little more than I let on.”

I nodded, satisfied. I was relieved, to tell the truth. I was glad the Asahina-san I knew wasn’t a total fabrication.

“Then, were you really taking your revenge on Haruhi just now?” I asked with a turn of my lip.

“I-I wasn’t!” She pouted, before allowing a smirk and a giggle. “Well…maybe a little. But those are all fond, fond memories to me now.”

Her words reminded me of something. “Oh, Asahina-san, is it alright if I ask you one more thing?”

She looked up at me expectantly.

“What’s your real age?”

She smiled and cutesily brought a finger to her lip.

“Classified information!”

We laughed at the nostalgic scene. I was struck by just how well our friendship had survived this, and above all else, how relieved Asahina-san looked. I wondered whether it would be the same with Haruhi…whether the knot in my chest would unravel if I only found the courage to tell her.

Remembering we had a major problem at hand, the two of us set out on our clock-hunt. As soon as we left the room, Asahina-san morphed back into the shy girl we all knew so well. She may have been discovered by me, but she needed to keep up appearances for the world at large. It was bizarre and a little funny to watch, but at the same time, I was feeling the burden of yet another secret.

We searched a good half of the premises, and everywhere we went, the clocks were the same. The president of North High’s computer society, who Haruhi had somehow blackmailed into coming, eventually allowed us to look at his swanky atomic watch. Unfortunately, even that was subject to the chrono-shift. Let this be a lesson to all you youngsters out there – there are two things money can’t buy you: happiness, and freedom from the relentless flux of space-time.

When we had exhausted the upstairs rooms and were heading back down to the ground floor, I was ambushed outside my dressing room by a wild Taniguchi.

“KYON! Finally! You’re a hard man to find! Come on, I got him, I got him!”

Taniguchi was dragging me into my room by my tie, a privilege I typically reserve for Haruhi, but I forgave him when I saw he was as good as his word. Sitting across from me on a stool and a chair were Nagato and Koizumi.

“Welcome back. I have your ‘real’ cufflinks.” Koizumi sneaked out sardonically from behind his obsequious smile.

“Man, all that fuss for a pair of cufflinks!” Taniguchi was going off. “You know, I thought he was a member of staff! Who goes around cleaning clocks when there’s a wedding on? There’s no way you can make this guy your Best Man, Kyon – ”

“Good work, Taniguchi.” I slapped his back amicably. “Now I need you to find my real tie.”

“EUCH?!” Taniguchi was so shocked he evidently slipped into the memories of his past life as a Munich cobbler. “Why would you need a temporary tie?!”

“Because certain people think it’s okay to tug on the groom’s tie half an hour before his wedding.” I glowered at him.

Taniguchi was downcast in sour defeat, before suddenly, his ears pricked up.

“Eh? Half an hour?”

He looked at the clock. Dammit. A thousand plagues upon my loose tongue. The eyes of all the room were on him, and I wondered how many excuses were being collectively thought up over the duration of those agonising seconds. At least enough to power a small Honda Civic.

“Hmm. Guess I was quicker than I thought!” Taniguchi grinned. “Alright, I’ll find your stupid tie in no time!” He marched off, without me telling him where to find it. I was smart to make friends with such an idiot.

The tension in the room diffused as the time traveller and I stood facing our resident alien and esper.

“Well,” Koizumi motioned to the clock. “It seems we have plenty of time to explain.”

And explain we did. Koizumi had noticed our temporal jam a while ago and had been testing all the clocks Asahina-san and I hadn’t reached. It was then Taniguchi grabbed hold of him and led him in several different wrong directions until Nagato rescued them. From Koizumi’s findings, it seemed the entire venue was caught up in this chrono-shift.

“So what, are we going to have to cancel the wedding?” I moaned. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but I certainly felt something. Something like disappointment meets relief meets confusion meets me throwing my entire emotional computer out the window, I don’t know.

“We needn’t go to such lengths.” Koizumi smiled. “Although it would be easier if that were the case. However, I am not so sure this is a spacial issue at all.”

“Eh?” Asahina-san reacted. “But, Koizumi-kun…a chrono-shift is a space-time phenomenon…”

“Indeed. Perhaps I should clarify. It is a spacial issue, but perhaps not in the way we typically think of space. Rather than a segment of land being affected by this shift, it is my belief that it is merely the space between our skulls.”

An eerie silence permeated the room.

“And those of all the other guests.” Koizumi finished, with serious eyes undermining his easy smile.

“S-so…” Asahina-san began, “Koizumi-kun is saying…the guests are caught up in the chrono-shift, not the venue?”

“Hold on,” I interrupted. “If that’s true, Koizumi, we can never escape the shift. If it’s occurring inside ourselves, we’ll be stuck here forever!”

“So it would seem.” Koizumi bowed his head as he stared at his wringed hands. “Time has frozen within us…rather poetic, don’t you think? But perhaps now is not the time to be waxing lyrical.”

“This theory.” Nagato gave him a blank stare. “Where did you get it from?”

She had been doing this for years now, but it still warmed my heart to see Nagato actually interacting us like a regular person. At least, it typically would if my head wasn’t thumping like Goliath playing the bongos. Time frozen forever? What would that even look like? Would I ever see the night sky again, or catch a train again, or talk to anyone who wasn’t a wedding guest?

Would I ever marry Haruhi?

“It is simply my analysis of Suzumiya-san’s mental state.” Koizumi shrugged. “Working on the assumption that she created this chrono-shift, what purpose do you think it serves?”

I wracked my brains for an answer. Why would Haruhi want to freeze time? On today of all days? The day Koizumi said would make Haruhi so happy the Agency wouldn’t have to worry about any extraordinary phenomena occurring for at least a few months?

“It couldn’t be…”

“Oh? It looks like you’re catching on.”

“You’re telling me that Haruhi…has displaced us in time…”

“Yes…”

“…because she has cold feet?!”

Asahina-san looked at Nagato. Nagato looked at me. I looked at Koizumi.

Koizumi smiled.

“Can’t you relate?”

Well, yes, I could, but…

…

For crying out loud, Haruhi!

Koizumi and Asahina-san were debating whether that necessarily meant the chrono-shift was targeting us individually or whether she just placed it on the venue, but I couldn’t pay attention to any of that nonsense. I was just too mad.

“Oh? Where are you going?” Koizumi asked me as my hand reached for the doorknob.

“To see Haruhi.”

“Oh my. Isn’t it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?”

“You’re telling me at this rate, there won’t be a wedding. The entire life I’ve planned with Haruhi will never happen!” Unconsciously, I had raised my voice. Glancing behind my shoulder, I could see the others staring at me in surprise. That didn’t stop me, though.

“I let Haruhi get away with a whole lot…but cancelling our wedding? Fat chance!”

With that, I barged through the door and slammed it behind me. Just you wait, Haruhi. I’m going to give you a real talking-to. I don’t care if I get bad luck. I’d break a thousand mirrors if it meant getting out of this chrono-bullshit. I’m going to marry you in half an hour. I swear it.

Besides, I’d already seen the bride in quite a bit of detail today.

When I reached Haruhi’s floor, I was panting for air. I had ran again, unnecessarily, but I wasn’t going to postpone this any longer. I strode towards the door and fought off the waves of dizziness, the black knot tightening itself inside my chest. Yanking forth my courage, I knocked thrice.

“Ehhh? Who is it?” I heard my sister’s voice ask.

“It’s me. I’m coming in.”

Mass panic shook the other side of the room, and I opened the door as slowly yet confidently as possible. By the time I opened my eyes, Haruhi was facing the curtained window, hastily pulling the zip up on her bodice.

There was a long brunette ponytail before me, held fast by yellow ribbon and streaming over an almost naked back. Beneath that, a shapely white dress exploded into a fluff of silky flares. When she turned towards me, her dress flew like a swan mid-flight. It was – in a word – divine.

It was only the familiar irritation in those caramel brown eyes that reminded me, with comfort, that this really was Haruhi.

Supposedly, this woman was meant to be some kind of deity, and sometimes I really could believe it. It scared the crap out of me just then, just like it had when I woke up this morning in a cold sweat and a sinking feeling warring against a rapidly beating heart. I had felt as though, this was too much for me, or more accurately, like I couldn’t possibly deserve this.

But seeing her cute glare made me remember that this wasn’t a god I was looking at. How could it be? Theorise all you want, Koizumi, but as far as I was concerned, Haruhi was just Haruhi. That was the woman I was marrying, not God, not the potential for auto-evolution or a time-warp or whatever else you want to call her – all that’s unverifiable anyway. As usual, I was the only one in this damn brigade with my head on straight. I believe the evidence before my eyes, and the only thing I knew for sure was that this bold, forceful, chaotic girl was Suzumiya Haruhi, and that when she was with me I felt a certain something fill up my soul. What that something is, I’ll leave to you guys. I’ve got a pretty good idea, though.

While these thoughts were going through my head, absolutely nothing was escaping my mouth. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself, but Haruhi obviously found our staring contest kind of awkward.

“W-well?!” Her furiously blushing face asked. “What is it?!”

Now I was blushing. I did my best to recover my cool and issued a command to all Haruhi’s hanger-ons.

“Everyone out!”

Kunikida gladly took the opportunity and bumped straight into me, before remembering to pull his tie off his eyes and running for freedom. The others were less enthusiastic.

“Haaah? Dumb Kyon, who do you think you are to order me about in my own dressing room? I’m Brigade Leader, you know!” Haruhi objected, snorting like a bull.

“Not you, Haruhi. You stay here.” I turned to Tsuruya-san and my sister. “You two, get out.”

“Hmm?” Tsuruya-san was undeterred, her wicked smile welcoming the challenge. “Can’t you wait until the wedding, Kyon-kun? Or do you want a last piece of young love before the marriage bed sucks it all away?”

“KYON-KUN!” Began my sister, again. “I’M HARUHI-NEE’S BRIDESMAID, AND – ”

“If you don’t get out I’ll tell Mum and Dad who broke the TV!” I threatened her.

My sister deflated like Aeolus’ bag of winds.

“Y-you wouldn’t…ohhh…” Compliantly and resentfully, she traipsed out. Now only my greatest foe remained. Fortunately, I had a plan.

“Tsuruya-san, please leave. It’s just as you said: I’m going to make love to Haruhi.”

A high-pitched squeal escaped from Haruhi. “Wh-wh-wh-wh-what?! Kyon! What are you saying?!”

“Eh?” Tsuruya-san looked at me as if she didn’t quite understand. “Eh? Eh eh? That was a joke…you’re joking, right? Right?”

I stared her down like I was the protagonist in the sequel to that cowboy movie I mentioned at our last showdown.

“Eh? Eh? Eh eh eh?” Tsuruya-san was colouring red. “Eh? Ah…eh?”

She turned around and walked from the room in a total daze. When I saw the chance, I slammed the door behind her. Tsuruya-san, your bark is so much worse than your bite. I pray for your swift recovery.

Haruhi backed up against the window with her fists out in front of her in what looked like an entirely new martial art.

“B-back off Kyon! We’re going to get married, you know?! There’s no time for that kind of thing…” Her flushed cheeks made her pout extra cute. “Geez, you’re always so needy…”

“That’s you, isn’t it?” I sighed with some affection. Really. Her face had sucked all my righteous anger out of me. Guess I should prepare for my life as a doormat husband. “Relax, Haruhi. That’s not why I’m here.”

I walked up to her and plonked my hands on her shoulders. She squeaked and her big eyes stared up at me with apprehension.

“Haruhi…how are you feeling?”

Her cheeks puffed out as she geared up to vehemently reject the supposition that anything was wrong with her. But just as soon, they deflated, and her face fell with her silence. We’d been in a relationship too long for any of the emotional drama of our teenage years, so we’d been approaching something like honesty. One big hurdle still remained for me, though.

All of a sudden, Haruhi barrelled into my chest and a disorienting warmth rammed through me like a bolt from a ballista. She was clenching my lapels, holding them with all her strength, rubbing her head against my chest, taking in my scent. Shaking.

“Even though I’ve wanted this for so long…”

I pressed my arm against her back and pulled her closer. Oh, Haruhi.

“Even though I’ve wanted this for so long,” her muffled voice repeated. “I’m still scared…”

It’s normal, you know, Haruhi? Cold feet. That’s what I wanted to say.

But then she said something else.

“…Of what you might say…”

My eyes widened. So this wasn’t just cold feet. There was something more to this, something I was completely unaware of: something I hadn’t noticed because I was too busy worrying about my own secrets.

“Haruhi…”

I really was a hopeless man. Very well then, Haruhi, I’ll take responsibility. I’ll tell you what I know you need to hear. It shouldn’t be too hard: it’s the truth, after all.

“No matter what you tell me…no matter what you haven’t told me…there’s no way I could leave you, you know?” I drew us apart just enough so I could look into her puffy red eyes. “First of all, you’ve thoroughly domesticated me. If I went back out there into the big wide world without you, I’d be eaten up in a heartbeat.” She couldn’t help but smile at that, which made me smile too. “And secondly…I’ve seen the world without you in it. I don’t want to go back there.”

I didn’t expect her to understand what I was talking about, since the events of that Christmas had been forgotten by everyone but Nagato and me. Still, it seemed to reassure her. After a little while, she drew in a breath, tried to say something, failed, and, in classic Haruhi style, tried a second time but louder.

“S-so, you don’t blame me?!”

“Huh?” I was completely taken aback.

“You don’t blame me?!” Her expression was intensely earnest, like a dam had exploded within her and she was awash with the power and relief of the flow.

“Why…why would I blame you?” I lifted my hands up in genuine confusion at the bouncing fireball beneath me.

“I mean!” Haruhi turned away from me now and paced back and forth, looking at everything else in the room. “I made you do all these crazy things you didn’t want to, just because you started talking to me…you just wanted a normal high school life, but because I was bored, I dragged you into all of it and…now you’re marrying me, but do you really want that, Kyon? Do you really…” She bit her lip and cautiously, fearfully, dared to look up at me. “…want me?”

I blinked at her, and stayed quiet for longer than was good for her peace of mind. It wasn’t that I had to think about the answer; I was just so shocked. This had been your reason for worrying all this time? This was your reason for stopping time? It was never about her at all. It was just about me…

“Wh-why are you laughing?!” Haruhi’s trembling, embarrassed face was doing its best to be menacing, but nothing would work. I just couldn’t stop laughing. It was so stupid.

“Haruhi,” I made out when I recovered myself, “I do have free will, you know? I’m not just a puppet dancing on your strings.”

“O-of course I know that!” Now she was indignant. “That’s why I was asking – ”

“Haruhi, if I really felt that way, why would I have proposed? Or heck, before that, why would I have even asked you out? Or in the very beginning, why do you think I went to the SOS Brigade after school every day? I could have ditched you anytime I wanted.” A smile crept up my face unwares. I felt truly, truly happy. “But I wouldn’t change anything in these last seven years. Not a bit of it.”

Really, Haruhi, I had realised all this in the first year I met you. For a multi-talent super-genius, you really are dense. Our eyes looked into each other’s for a good minute, and inside her gaze I saw a churning sea of raw feeling, shifting, changing, like a subatomic particle. It was seriously enchanting to look at, and I could have stayed there for the rest of our endless time, but a bear hug from Haruhi knocked me back to the outside world.

“Stupid Kyon…” She muttered. She sounded happy herself – so happy I could hardly picture the gloomy girl who sat in front of me on the first day of High School. Really, how far we’d come.

Or, no, not quite yet.

“…Say it…”

“Hm?”

“Say you’ll marry me!”

“I just said I wouldn’t leave you, didn’t I? And in the first place, isn’t that what the vows are for!?”

“Just say it, Kyon! Do what I tell you to already…”

I chewed on my thoughts. Haruhi had borne herself to me, her whole self, secrets, regrets and all. It was time for me to step up too. Hopefully she would just laugh it off like I had, but whatever might happen, it needed to be said. If I turned back without saying it, I knew I couldn’t forgive myself.

“No.”

“N-no?” Haruhi’s frail voice repeated.

“No. Not yet. First…”

I pulled us apart more urgently this time, and now it was my turn to cling onto her for security as my hands gently squeezed her shoulders. Damn the consequences. This wasn’t anything new. I had the balls to do it before, so I might as well do it now, and if the universe explodes, well, the universe explodes. The universe should get a hobby instead of interfering with my relationship with Haruhi all the time. It’s been third wheeling through our whole relationship, you know? It’s super awkward, and I’m fed up with it.

I said a silent apology to the others, but what happened now was just between me and Haruhi, and no-one else.

“Haruhi, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“It would seem the time has come at last.” Koizumi jested, invading my personal space enough for Taniguchi and Kunikida not to hear. “Whatever you did back there, it seems to have worked. Nagato-san hasn’t detected any fluctuations since you reported back to us.”

“Well, don’t jinx it. I’ve been waiting for this long enough.”

In the last twenty minutes, with the help of my male companions including a returning baffled Taniguchi, I had patted down my suit, mastered my hair, and fixed my tie so perfectly that no further fiddling was necessary. As I stood in front of the door to the main hall, waiting for the ceremony preparations to begin, I found my nervousness had disappeared. I was confident – even excited. Koizumi, sly as he was, evidently caught on to this.

“Would I be right in saying the chrono-shift wasn’t the only thing you fixed?”

I couldn’t help but let loose a smile.

“Something like that.”

“Well, I wish you two the utmost happiness.” Koizumi’s face was painted with his usual cheery smile, but I felt a cold stab like the kind a resurrected blue-haired AI might give. I hadn’t forgotten what the other Koizumi had told me in that transformed world.

“Koizumi.” I turned to face him. “I’m glad you’re here.”

The fake smile paused, before settling into a much more genuine one.

“And I am genuinely happy for the two of you. You must believe me when I say that. And not just for the Agency’s sake.” He brought a finger thoughtfully to his chin. “Although, if you’re so glad I’m here, you could have at least made me your Best Man.”

Yare yare. Him too? I gave a good-natured sigh and an exaggerated shrug. “Sorry, I’ve just known Kunikida longer than anyone else. Besides, if you gave a speech you would just start talking about the Anthropic Principle or Schrodinger’s Cat or some other stuff that would send our audience to sleep.”

Koizumi chuckled. “Fair enough. Your wedding, at least, deserves to be a day off from the problems facing the make-up of reality. It really is unfortunate the chrono-shift occurred when it did.”

“No,” I shook my head. “I think it occurred at just the right time.”

“Oh?” Koizumi looked interested, but didn’t follow up.

A brief period of silence ensued as I contemplated the doors. What would happen from here? I would stand at the end of the end of the hall with Kunikida, and wait for Haruhi to emerge from the other side of the room arm-in-arm with her old man and her chaotic quartet of bridesmaids in hot pursuit. Then we would hold each other’s hands before the officiant, say our vows…you know, if the officiant calls me Kyon, I think I’m going to cry.

“Kyon.” Kunikida tapped me on the shoulder. “It’s time.”

I placed my hand on the doorknob with gravitas. Before I was ready to open it, a meaningless thought occurred to me.

“Ah…I hope Haruhi’s washed her face since then. It’d be bad if people thought she’d been crying on her wedding day for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m sure she’s already beaming from ear to ear.” Koizumi assured me. “And I don’t think Suzumiya-san will care much for what her poor guests might think. You might as well be the whole universe to her today; the rest of us will just be specks in the corner of her eye.”

I smirked as I turned the handle.

“Are you kidding me? This is Haruhi we’re talking about, remember? She might love me, but she also loves aliens, time travellers and espers.”

As I stepped through the door, I turned my head back to Koizumi.

“After the ceremony, good luck prising her away from you guys. You’ll have a lot of catching up to do.”

As mine and Kunikida’s footsteps echoed against the polished wooden floor, I heard Koizumi, after a spell of stunned silence, begin to ever-so-weakly tell me to wait. But in the end, it just devolved into a tremendous chuckling. I smiled and fixed my eyes ahead of me.

Haruhi had known me long enough now to tell when I’m being serious. What had worried me was how she would feel about us hiding it from her all these years, but it turned out I was being just as stupid as she was.

Like Haruhi would ever turn up the opportunity to play with aliens, time travellers and espers.

#haruhi suzumiya #fanfic #tmohs #kyon x haruhi #the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya #not tg

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