#as we look at the ending year and to the next year

[sc0tters]

A Helping Hand | Jack Hughes & Trevor Zegras

summary: when the boys learn that you've never finished, it's only right that they change that for you.

request: yes/no

warnings: sexual themes, threesome, oral (f & m receiving!), unprotected sex, fingering, swearing, mentions of drinking.

word count: 7.02k

authors note: is it really a trevor and jack threesome from me, without @sweetestdesire's help? no, no it is not... all jokes aside though this may be the dirtiest piece that I have ever written? like i embraced my inner slut, whore and everything inbetween while writing this so I do hope that you enjoy it! I know I did so we may end up with the first series of the year with this one!

Nobody truly remembered how you all got there.

Sat around the camp fire with a blanket thrown over your legs and a beer in your hand. 

It was these little moments at the lake house that you adored so much. Luke was in the chair next to you, allowing you to send him the occasional whisper after the boys did something stupid. 

Tonight was one of those nights as Cole managed to convince the group to play never have I ever, after Quinn’s suggestion of truth or dare was quickly shot down by Jack reminder of how he had to go skinny dipping in the lake. When the boys stole his clothes and locked him outside, it was the first and last time truth or dare made an appearance at the lake house.

You sighed thinking to yourself of a question“never have I ever done the walk of shame.” It was a good one to get most of the guys to drop a finger as Luke had told you about many of their escapades throughout their careers. 

A while left Trevor’s lips “that one isn’t fair!” He grumbled dropping another finger leaving him with only two up.

Alex looked at the group of girls that had joined you guys as he had found one he wanted to make a move on “never have I ever faked an orgasm.” The boy swore he was going to do a dance of happiness when he saw the blonde one he had been talking to, keep her finger up whilst the first around her thought about their answers.

Your finger went down hoping that someone else would have a much more interesting story to share than you “are you seriously telling me that your little football player boyfriend was shit in bed?” Trevor asked as he let out a laugh seeing your cheeks turn a shade of red. 

Jack turned to you, matching his friend’s curious expression “who is to say it was even with him?” It was something he had never even wondered about before, but now everyone’s eyes were on you as most of the people around that fire knew of your entire love life “she does not need to answer if she doesn’t want to.” Quinn sent you a friendly smile, Luke nodded in agreement with this being something that he didn’t even know about. 

You let out a sigh of relief “yeah why don’t we move on?” There was a pleading sense in your voice that made everyone accept your request. 

Well almost everyone, as the night went on and people went home or to bed. You were left with Trevor, Jack and Luke “you want another beer?” Luke asked as he got up with his empty beer bottle “please.” You nodded, the older two boys giving the same response. 

This was the first opportunity that they got to truthfully ask the question that plagued their minds all night “so was it Jake?” Trevor blurted out as he turned his attention to you “what about the theatre kid before him?” Jack truthfully never liked that one, thankfully he only lasted one summer. 

You toyed with your bracelet “if I tell you do you promise to keep it to yourselves?” If it got out you knew half of the people there would never look at you the same. 

Hell you weren’t even sure if Trevor and Jack would see you the same way again “we will not tell a soul.” They both nodded at the same time, practically sat on the edges of their seats. 

You let out a sigh, rubbing your lips together “it was all of them.” Those words made them freeze “you faked it with every single guy you’ve been with?” Jack let out a shocked laugh when you nodded. 

Trevor felt confused “I didn’t realise you were with such shit guys.” Some of the guys had notable reputations too “it wasn’t their faults-” you tried to give them some grace within the situation. 

But Jack was having none of it “if you have to fake it then it is on him.” Of course that’s what he’d say, the man prided himself on how good he was in bed after all. You had been privy to hearing the mutters through the wall when you stayed over to see Luke. 

The Ducks player nodded in agreement “we won’t tell them if you think they were shit.” He added wanting so desperately to hear more of this “it’s me okay!” Your words suddenly made them both go quiet. 

Their eyes went wide “I can’t cum so when I have sex I have to fake it.” Your voice was quieter as you didn’t know where Luke was “and before you ask yes I know my body is clearly broken-” you were cut off by the sound of the sliding door opening from the house. 

Luke walked out with the four beers in his hands “what is broken?” The three of you looked like kids caught with your hands in the cookie jar in that very moment “oh just the door of my closet in the apartment.” You quickly recovered, it wasn’t a lie. In fact, it was actually something you needed to fix.

He stared at you for a moment before he nodded “wait until I visit and I can help you.” Luke offered making you nod “sounds like a plan.” You sent him a smile, ignoring the conversation that you had just had with the boys. 

It seemed that even if you were able to sleep soundly amongst all of Luke’s snoring, Jack and Trevor were plagued with thoughts. Neither one could fall asleep as they sat there thinking about what you had said. 

How was it that a girl like you could have a problem that seemed so unbreakable? 

“Just so we’re both on the same page, she clearly has a shit taste in guys right?” Trevor blurted out as he stared at the ceiling “I mean it has to be that right?” He added not even sure if Jack was listening. 

Jack let out a harsh sigh “but how is she going got accept that?” He rolled over knowing that he shared the same thoughts “well I mean there is one way we could do it.” Trevor trailed off figuring, that it was the should have been obvious. 

The Hughes boy let out a laugh “yeah like she’s ever gonna go for that.” He shook his head rolling over to look out the window as he tried to force himself to go to sleep.

A party echoed out in the yard, music blared through the speakers as you made your way upstairs “I’m telling you that she’s not going to go for it.” Jack pinched the bridge of his nose as he chugged back the remainder of his beer “why not?” Trevor whined crossing his arms. 

He took in a large amount of air in when he sighed “it’s not like she exactly has any other better options than sticking to never coming.” Those words made you freeze in front of their door. Why were they talking about you, and what was their potential option to help you? 

Your cheeks grew warm when your mind began to travel “because you think little miss perfect is gonna fuck the two of us to prove that she just has a shit taste in boys?” Those words made you scoff, it was a response that was a little louder than you had hoped when the boys went quiet “shit.” Jack was quick to open the door. 

Both of them were visibly relieved to see it was just you “care to join us?” Jack smirked at the sight of the irritated expression on your face “I am not little Miss Perfect.” You announced sticking your finger in his face. 

It was the response he wanted, knowing you had taken the bait “so why don’t you give us a chance then?” Trevor spoke up from behind the younger boy who nodded in agreement. 

Your fists clenched into balls “over my dead body.” You were embarrassed as you stormed off in the direction of your room “on a scale of one to ten how badly do you think we fucked up?” Trevor asked hearing the door slam behind you. 

Jack sucked at his teeth “I would lean closer to ten.” He nodded thinking about what would happen if Luke were to find out about what was said. 

The night had grown dark as you tried to push the boys comments back to the bottom of your mind. It was something that so negatively failed, especially when you began to picture those two. 

You had ended up in the bathroom having a shower trying to calm yourself down at first “fuck!” You grumbled letting your fingers thrust into your cunt as the steam stuck to your skin. 

Your body had started to shrivel like a prune due to how long you had been in there. Your body was hot as the image of Jack and Trevor lingered on your mind, picturing how they’d kiss you and morph your body in the ways they wanted to use you. You weren’t an idiot, if they were talking about you then it was clearly a competition in their minds. 

The peaks of your nipples throbbed as this clearly wasn’t working. Defeat wasn’t something that you accept gracefully, and that’s why you muttered to yourself as you grabbed one of Luke’s shirts and threw it on. Bringing your panties up your legs as you sent Luke one last look, as if you were checking that he was indeed asleep. 

You had to try to be quiet as you knew that everyone else was in there room, and with the minimal amounts of chatter that came from Quinn’s room when he spoke to his girlfriend on the phone. It was the timezones that caused him to be awake, but you knew you couldn’t be certain about the other rooms “shit.” You grumbled landing at Trevor and Jacks door to see that there room was empty. Their beds were made with their sandals missing, which only meant that they were downstairs. 

It was a lightbulb moment as you practically raced down using the banister as support. Chatter could be heard from outside and that’s where they were “pass me the blunt.” Jack’s voice was soft, muffled by the glass. 

Your feet brought you up to the door as you sighed knowing that beyond this moment if you wanted to turn back, you wouldn’t be able to “do my eyes deceive me or is little Miss Perfect stood in front of me?” Trevor teased, using the nickname that Jack had as his eyes drank in the sight of you. 

Jack could sense you were nervous “why don’t you come take a hit?” He offered holding the blunt in your direction “don’t know how.” You shook your head, making him smirk. 

Of course, weed was something you hadn’t dabbled in, how were they not surprised “I’ll teach ya.” Jack patted his thigh as he spread his legs open for you to sit there. 

He held the joint between his ring and pointer fingers when you sat down “just suck the air in but don’t inhale it.” The middle Hughes boy knew that you weren’t exactly some chain smoker so he had to help you. 

You nodded as you followed his instructions when he brought the blunt to your lips. Both boys watched on when Jack let his hand travel up the inside of her thigh “there we go.” He cooed until you let out a cough. 

It made them softly laugh when you shook your head “never doing that again.” You announced assuming that it would have done something to calm the nerves that ran through your veins.

Jack brought the blunt to his lips “what brought you down here?” He asked looking at his watch, you were usually fast asleep “I couldn’t sleep.” You confessed wanting sigh when you felt the breeze brush past you. 

Trevor smiled at your words “anything particular that brought the late shower on?” It was clear that your hair was still wet as it drenched the back of the shirt that you made into a dress “do you think you guys can really fix me?” The words made the two boys freeze. 

It wasn’t something that they thought you would come around to “because if I have to spend another fucking unsatisfactory night with fingers between my thighs I’m going to shoot someone.” Jack let out a soft laugh hearing your confession. 

He smiled bringing his lips to your cheek to kiss “you gonna be a good girl for us?” He quizzed you, circling his thumb on the inside of your thigh “let us break you?” He added which made you whimper in response.

Trevor almost felt jealous at how far away he was from you “why don’t we move this inside?” His proposal made your head snap in his direction. You seemed to sense where the boy came from “c’mon pretty girl.” Jack patted your thigh signalling to you to get up. 

Jack had never been more grateful for the fact that he picked a room downstairs, which you at the moment seemed to so happily run into “c’mere.” Trevor shut the door behind him. 

He brought his hands up to cup your cheeks. A grin plastered on his face as your head tilted in his direction so that he could kiss you. There present taste of beer mixed with the weed on his tongue that he dragged over your lower lip. A moan escaped your lips as Jack placed his hands on your hips “didn’t forget about you too.” you confessed, turning your head so that you could kiss him too. 

It was rougher when Trevor turned his attention to your neck. His kisses were hungry as he sucked at the skin “n-no marks.” You gasped not wanting to worry about covering more than your bikinis already did. 

Jack finally took a step back as he looked at you “why don’t you show us how you normally try to get off?” Jack’s fingers danced over the hem of Luke’s shirt that hung over your knee. 

Trevor nodded in agreement “doll, it ain’t like we don’t see those pathetic bikinis you wear.” His words were sharp, making you listen as you took a step back, “like you want us to know what is under ‘em.” He added, allowing his eyes to burn your skin.

The boys watched in awe as your fingers gripped at the ends of the shirt, you took in a deep breath in like it was meant to give you some newfound confidence. The room grew warmed as you pulled the white t-shirt off of your body, letting it fall onto the floor when you now stood in just a white thong. They both stood in silence, causing you to bite at your lip with your confidence immediately wavering.

You were quick to reach down wanting to grab the shirt, assuming that the boys thought this was a mistake or that you weren’t as pretty as they thought you’d be “let us get a good look at ya.” Trevor’s hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you from leaning over any further. 

 A whistle left his lips when you stood up straight “never thought these tits could ever have looked better than when they were in those bikinis.” His voice was a low growl, letting his fingers cup at your breasts before he gave them a squeeze. 

The feeling made a moan get caught in your throat “god imagine what she’s hiding under those panties?” Trevor turned to Jack, not letting his hands move from your boobs that his thumbs began to massage. 

Possibilities felt endless “you wanna let us see?” Jack asked making you nod. Trevor kissed at your neck whilst you locked your fingers into the sides of your panties. 

The fabric brushed against your skin when Trevor looked down to see your bare mound “don’t know how any of those boyfriends of yours used to let you leave them.” He sighed pressing a kiss against your cheek. 

Jack nodded in agreement “if we had a say you’d always be around ready for us.” Those words made you squirm and force your thighs together. 

Neither one of them were an idiot, easily sensing the effect they had on you “can you sit on the bed for me sweet girl?” Jack cooed tilting your jaw up to him so that he could kiss you. 

That kiss helped settle some of your nerves as you nodded. You sat on the edge of Jacks bed “higher.” Trevor motioned to you to move higher up the bed. 

You drove your hips up until you got sat in the middle of his bed “now why don’t you show us how you get off?” After all that was the entire reason that you were there so it made sense they watched you first.

When you lay down on the bed the boys looked at you like you were the sight for sore eyes “c’mon you can show us.” Trevor’s voice oozed this sense of cockiness as he motioned to you to start, brushing those waves of uncertainty aside.

Your heels pushed up to your ass as you spread your lefs open, seeing the boys stare back at you “need to make it wet.” You whimpered feeling Jack kneel into the bed. 

He took two of his fingers to spread your folds open, saliva pooled in his mouth before he let his spit fall onto your cunt. It ran down your clit making you squirm “that enough?” Jack asked standing back up straight as you nodded. 

You brought your fingers down your stomach and to your slit. The two fingers rubbed over your sensitive nub making the boy’s pants grow tight, your fingers travelled to your cunt as you let them thrust into the hole. The pace you used seemed to be a happy medium using Jack’s spit as some kind of lube that let your fingers create a squelching sound. 

Jack felt his throat grow tight “you think that you add another finger?” He could see how your eyes stuck on his now-formed boner “you want some encouragement?” The boy smirked when you nodded. 

Neither one hesitated to drop their pants as they pulled their cocks out of their boxers “can’t fit.” You shook your head watching as your mouth watered seeing them palm their members. 

Trevor sucked at his teeth “know you can do it.” He encouraged but still that didn’t seem to be enough. 

Your free hand went up to cup your boob, going tease your nipple that had been throbbing since it felt the cool air of Jack’s room “need help.” You pleaded, only ever having two fingers in your hole. Even the guys you dated seemed to stop at two, thinking that it was the perfect number. 

Jack took his precum over the head of his cock as he rubbed it down his length “why don’t you pick who.” If he had it his way he wouldn’t have even given Trevor a chance to get you first. 

When your eyes didn’t leave the Devils players it seemed your answer was written on the walls “no hard feels right?” He smirked tucking his cock back into boxers before he joined you on the bed. 

You sat up letting your back rest against his headboard “gonna relax f’me okay?” Jack asked watching you pull your own fingers from your cunt “okay.” You nodded letting your eyes shut when his thumb circled your clit. 

In the beginning he opted to start easy, with two fingers it was only slightly bigger than what you could fit in yourself “shit.” You whimpered letting your teeth sink into your bottom lip. 

His fingers grazed the spongey area of your cunt “uh huh baby want to hear you.” Jack kissed at your neck wanting to hear you scream “feels good.” You confessed making him nod. 

Jack pressed these opened-mouthed kisses on your jaw as he felt you clench around him “you see how hard you make him?” The Hughes boy turned his eyes to Trevor who palmed his cock at an even quicker pace “feel how hard you make me?” Jack brought your hand with his free one over his boxers. 

You took the time to feel his hard appendage and with that, Jack slid a third finger into your cunt “fuck!” Your toes curled at the new sensation. 

Jack lowered his head to your boob letting his lips wrap around your nipple “right there.” Your head rested against the cool wood behind you. 

His fingers felt every inch of you, the way your cunt clenched around his digits that attacked your needy hole “think you should get her clit Z.” Jack’s words made you whimper as you saw the boy’s swollen red tip look desperate for more of your attention “such a pretty girl ain’t she?” Trevor nodded, joining you on the other side of the bed. 

But he didn’t take the liberty of tucking himself away as he let his fingers tap on your lower lip “and a good listener too huh?” He teased watching your mouth suck at his fingers. 

He was forced to pull them out, not wanting to get too carried away “don’t stop.” There was a feeling you had never felt as Jack curled his fingers in this come hither motion. Trevor added to it letting his fingers drop down between Jacks hand and your clit. His calloused fingers were rough “fuck!” You called out watching Trevor drop his face to your chest. 

The boy clicked his tongue “look at this poor fucking tit all ignored.” He sighed not giving you a chance to respond as he too wrapped his lips around your other nipple. 

Looking down it was a sight of dreams as each boy sucked at your nipples, working in tandem on your clit and your cunt “I feel funny.” You confessed making them both look at each other.

It was encouragement for them to increase the pace of their fingers as Trevor rubbed your clit faster and Jack increased the pace of his thrusts “I think I’m gonna.” You trailed off with wide eyes as your body began to shake not sure if the pleasure was coming from your nipples, clit or cunt, or even a mixture of all three. 

Jack made a muffled grunt against your nipple that sent you over the edge, your face scrunched your face up letting your head jolt. Your cunt clenched around Jacks fingers as your body didn’t stop squirming. The boys didn’t stop there though as they brought you through your orgasm. 

The Hughes boy let his fingers begin to slow as your release didn’t seem to grow any sloppier around his digits “shit baby.” Jack let your nipple drop from his mouth with a pop. Your chest heaved as you nodded enough.” You whimpered feeling them retract their fingers away from you as Trevor finally let your other breast go. 

Trevor and Jack looked at the sight that you were in front of them “why don’t you taste yourself.” Jack offered his fingers bringing them into your mouth “so you can remember your first orgasm.” He added as Trevor had a devilish look in his eyes.

You went to turned your attention to the other boy whilst still sucking on Jacks fingers “I want a proper taste.” Trevor announced settling in between your legs. 

Your body was still sensitive and Jack was able to pick upon that “hey pretty girl.” His voice was soft, his fingers gripped at your jaw turning your head in his direction. 

His eyes caught yours “don’t worry about him right now?” Jack reassured you as Trevor kissed at your thigh “you want to still feel so good right?” Trevor asked wrapping his arm around your thigh when he blew against your cunt. 

The sensation made you squirm “please.” You nodded switching your gaze between both boys “a guy ever eaten this pretty cunt before?” Trevor ran his finger down your slit when he pressed a kiss against your other thigh. 

Jack focused his lips against the hollow of your collarbone “none.” But that wasn’t to say that you never wanted it, the guys you were with just wanted it to be you who went down on them “can’t believe you fucking thought you were the problem.” Jack clicked his tongue watching your eyes stick on Trevor. 

The boy mindlessly stared at your cunt, like he had never seen something so glorious “kiss?” You pleaded looking at Jack who couldn’t help but nod at you. 

His fingers gripped at your jaw as he started kissing you slowly at first. Trevor felt his cock throb watching the scene unfold in front of him. Jacks tongue ended up in your mouth and the Ducks player decided he couldn’t be the only one not having any fun. 

Trevor wrapped his other arm around your bare thigh, allowing your feet to settle on his shoulder blades “fucking hell.” His voice barely above a whisper before his head dropped against your cunt.

His mouth latched over your clit first making you moan into Jacks mouth “such a sweet cunt.” Trevor moaned sending shivers up your spine. The boy let his tongue travel to your weeping hole, his nose grazed your clit as he thrusted his tongue in against your walls. 

Your head fell back as Jack looked down “be a good girl and look at how good Z his making you feel.” He sucked at your earlobe making you whimper. 

Trevor’s eyes locked onto yours, his arms slightly loosened around your legs allowing you to drive your hips close to him “fuck z.” You moaned feeling Jack cup your tits once again “Jacky you’re missing out here.” Trevor confessed placing his thumb on your clit before he went back to fucking you with his tongue. 

Your eyes screwed shut as you felt Jack softly laugh against your skin “don’t have to worry because we’ve got plenty more in ya.” He looked at you through his devilishly long lashes “don’t we baby?” Jack asked as he sucked at your jaw. 

Silence swallowed you up when pleasure lulled in your ears. Trevor had been paying attention which made him scoff “he asked you a question doll.” The boy cupped his hand as he lay a smack against your cunt. 

The movement made you jolt when your eyes burst open “ahh,” you whimpered almost folding your body over “‘m sorry.” You apologised letting your lips form a pout. 

Trevor accepted the apology as he continued. He pressed a kiss against your clit “we just want you to be a good girl.” He sighed licking a stripe down your slit. 

Your thighs tensed around his head “because we don’t have to punish you then.” Your cunt clenched around his tongue as it lolled back into your hole “just wanna make you feel so good tonight.” Jack confessed going back to kissing your lips as you quickly became like a drug to him. 

There was the slightest scent of your perfume that was still on your skin that invaded his nostrils “please.” You nodded practically feeling like a brand new woman as the boys focused on you. 

Jack nodded running his fingers over your collarbone “c’mon sweet girl.” Jack cooed as you bit at your lip “you let this house hear you or else we’re gonna stop.” He warned squeezing your cheeks in his hand. 

Trevor pulled his tongue from your entrance before he let it lay flat running against your clit “seems like little miss perfect wants that.” Trevor taunted latching his lips around the sensitive nub. 

Jack gasped toying with your nipple between his fingers “you want Lukey to see what we are doing to his best friend?” The image made your voice quiver “h-he can’t.” You whimpered shaking your head. 

The boy between your thighs smirked “shame to keep this pretty pussy a secret.” Trevor sighed pressing a kiss against your clit “when she’s all soaked for us, it’s better to keep it our think no?” Jack asked pressing a wet kiss against your throat when you arched your back. 

The Ducks player let his tongue swirl around your sensitive nub, creating a healthy rhythm that caused your thighs to squeeze against his head “all for you.” You nodded with your voice turning breathy, almost angelic to the duo.

Those words went straight to the boys cocks that they were still so desperate to just let burst out, letting it soak your skin “can’t believe you tried to act like you were too good for us.” Jack pinched at your side making you jolt “I’m sorry.” You cried, your throat feeling raw as your heels pushed against Trevor’s shoulder blades. 

Jack smiled raking his fingers through your hair “‘s okay.” He mumbled pecking your lips “all that matters is that you’re here now.” Jack kissed you harder that time when your nails dug into his thigh. 

Trevor let his lips go from your clit as you whimpered not aware of how that hurt him more to stop than you could have known “please she’s been wanting to be a dumb little slut for us.” Trevor’s words were rough as he thrusted his fingers into your cunt. 

His were longer than Jacks but they weren’t as smooth either “please.” You begged clenching your walls around his digits “please what?” Trevor softly bit that the inside of your thigh. 

Your eyes almost rolled back into your head while Jack kissed at your shoulder “make me cum.” You whined wanting nothing more than to feel the high you felt earlier on “how can I say no to that.” Trevor clicked his tongue as he went back to sucking at your clit. 

His fingers did this scissoring motion stretching you out around him. The squelching noises echoed against the walls of the room, mixing with the sounds of your moans that slipped through Jacks kisses “such a spoilt girl ain’t ya.” Jack saw the sweat that formed on your stomach. 

You nodded whimpering against him “want you to cum really good for him okay?” Those words made your toes curl as the coil tightened in your stomach “can I?” You nodded not knowing it was possible for you to do it again. 

Trevor nodded refusing to slow down his thrusts as he grinded his hips into the bed beneath him. Words left your lips in a shaky chant “please fuck please.” You begged squirming as he didn’t relent running his tongue over your clit. 

You huffed shaking your head “c’mon sweet girl you can let go.” Jack egged you on kissing your lips, swallowing the moans from your mouth. 

Your legs shook when Trevor fingered you through your high, your release coating his fingers when the coil snapped in your stomach “shit, holy shit.” Your chest heaved letting your fingers tug at Trevor’s hair to pull him off of you. 

His fingers dropped from your cunt went you kissed him. Your release shone on his chin “fuck.” Trevor moaned feeling your tongue brush against his, your walls clenched around nothing as you knew it was the taste of your pussy on his tongue. 

Jack grunted from beside you as you turned back to look at him. There was a smile on your lips “you ready for one more?” He asked pushing your hair out of your face when you nodded. 

It made Trevor laugh “of course she is.” He mumbled tugging at the hair on the nape of your neck so that he could kiss you again. You felt as if the wind was knocked out of you with the amount of passion in it. 

A moan escaped from your lips “wanna taste you.” Your confession made his cock throb “how can I say no when a little slut asks me so nicely?” He nodded cupping your jaw as he smiled. 

Jack gripped at your sides “gonna let me fuck you while he does that?” Those words made you nod. 

You weren’t entirely sure how it happened but before you knew it Jack was on the end of the bed with his legs hanging over. You were hovering over his hips and of course Trevor stood over you, taking in the sight that you were through your thick eyelashes “remember when you thought you were too good to entertain us?” Trevor taunted you like those words hadn’t been spoken mere hours ago. 

You nodded feeling Jack kiss your shoulder blade “well I think it’s time you give us an apology for being such a fucking brat.” His words were harsh as Jack dragged the head of his cock against your clit “I’m sorry Trevor.” Jacks hand held your hip stopping you from sinking into his cock. 

Trevor laughed shaking his head “you gotta do a whole lot better than that.” His fingers brushed through your hair “and that’s gonna start with you getting on his dick okay?” You were eager to please them both. 

Jack let out a grunt “condom?” He asked when your head leaned against his shoulder “on the pill.” Your words made him gasp finally letting your cunt sink down on his cock. 

The ducks player smirked watching how your jaw went slack “shit this cunt is-wow.” Jack let his teeth gnaw at your shoulder blade. 

Neither one of you moved, taking the chance let your walls stretch around his cock. Trevor palmed himself watching how your eyes screwed shut enjoying how the boy felt inside of you “gonna have to try it one day too.” He nodded as you finally started lifting yourself up against Jack “you ready f’me to fuck you huh?” Jack asked, your head bobbed with your one hand resting on his thigh your nails digging into his skin. 

Jacks blue orbs burnt into the back of your head “this cunt is so perfect god.” He barked wrapping his one arm around your waist to keep your back flush against his chest “don’t stop.” The Devils player drunk in your whimpers while you squirmed. 

He adjusted his legs so that you had spread yours around his. Letting the feelings of pleasure soak over you, not sure how much more of him you could actually take. A grunt came from in front of you, reminding you that it wasn’t just you and Jack in that room.

Trevor’s precum oozed out of his cock and you swore you could see a smirk on his face when your mouth watered “you wanna suck my cock?” He asked watching you nodded. 

His breath grew short when you used your tongue to spread his liquid around his length “shit this mouth is-” Trevor cut himself off as you took more of his cock in your mouth. 

His fingers messily tugged at your hair forming a loose pony at the back of your head, encouraging you to work his cock between your lips “you want more?” He asked seeing how you looked up at him through your eyelashes. 

Jack had settled into a rhythm he liked unintentionally knocking your hand off of him. This cause you to reach out at Trevor’s thighs “fuck.” Both boys spoke through gritted teeth as Trevor’s cock hit your throat causing tears to spill from your eyes when you clenched around Jacks cock. 

The ducks player watched how you worked your tongue on the underside of his length “don’t stop pretty girl.” He nodded hearing the squelching of your cunt as Jack fucked you “yeah sweets we wanna use you proper.” Jack cooed gripping at your hip, pinching at the skin. 

You moaned around Trevor almost toppling him over “think you like the idea of us using you.” His words were full of desire, fantasies forming in his mind wanting to go through with them in that moment. 

Sweat stuck to your skin, turning you into a whimper mess “god you’re such a cock hungry slut.” Trevor muttered tugging at your hair eliciting another moan from your lips

The sensation made his eyes screw shut “fuck I’m gonna cum.” Trevor response was mangled, Jack started chasing his own high that was quickly approaching when he heard that message “you gonna let me make a mess in this pretty little mouth of yours?” He brought his one hand forward from your hair. 

His thumb brushed against your cheek ��mhm.” Tears streamed down your cheeks while your eyes darted up to his. 

Trevor’s movements increased fucking your face as if you were his own hand. He took that moment before he became undone. His hand held you in place so his release hit the back of your throat all at once. 

Your throat gagged at the new sensation causing his cock to twitch before he went lax letting go of your hair. You hollowed out your cheeks as you let your lips swallow every last drop of what had been on his skin cleaning him up in the process. 

Gasps escaped from your lips causing droplets of his release to drip out of the side of your mouth “don’t go making a mess now.” Trevor clicked his tongue catching it with his thumb before he brought it into your mouth. 

Your lips wrapped around his digit swirling your tongue around it like it was his cock all over again “fuck I’m gonna make a mess in this pussy.” Jack announced feeling that he was close. 

His pace turned animalistic and if Trevor wasn’t in front of you, you swore you would have fallen over “such a tight cunt.” The boy moaned with his eyes glued to the way your folds swallowed his cock. 

Trevor felt himself grow hard again “such a pretty little cock drunk slut ain’t ya?” He asked watching your eyes grow glassy “yeah.” You cried hearing how your thighs slapped against Jack with every thrust of his cock. 

He almost felt as if he could feel your guts he was so deep, touch places you didn’t even know were in you “needed you both so bad.” You were surprised you were able to form a coherent sentence “knew you were always gonna be so desperate for us.” Trevor almost laughed watching your head bob as you nodded along. 

Your mouth watered seeing how his cock still oozed while his hand ran along the underside of it “you wanna feel this too pretty girl?” It was almost the sweetest thing he had said that night. 

It seemed to throw you off as you chewed at your lip sensing you were close “or maybe we should stop until this little slut remembers how to talk.” The threat held no weight as Jack was far too close with your walls squeezing his cock to let you off of him, but that wasn’t something that you considered “please Z.” Your moan sounded like you were a pornstar letting the whimpers of desperation escape from your throat. 

Trevor crouched down pumping his cock once more before he let the head sit in your clit “shit doll you like that?” Jack asked feeling you clench around him “so good.” You nodded letting your head fall against his shoulder. 

The sight was something Trevor swore should have been in the Louvre. His cock dragged over your clit matching the pace of Jacks thrusts. The Hughes boy was desperate to get you to cum first because he knew that the moment he finish he was a goner. 

Trevor begun to kiss at your throat which he now had the perfect spot to do as such “go on.” Trevor mumbled sucking at your sweet skin “make a mess on Jacky boys cock.” Your breathy gasps filled the room as your eyes screwed shut. 

Jack grunted from behind you “yeah baby make a mess for me.” Between Jacks cock fucking you senseless, Trevor’s cock against your clit and now both boys marking up your throat you were done. 

You shuttered out a cry while your face contorted letting tears fall from your shut eyes as your orgasm ripped through you. Neither boy stopped what they were doing, wanting to guide you through your orgasm “shit shit so good!” Jack sputtered out feeling your cunt clench around him. 

His eyes practically rolled back into his head as his cock shot warm sticky ropes of release into your cunt “fucking hell.” Trevor softly laughed against your throat when the younger boy lulled his thrusts before he kissed your shoulder. 

Your chest heaved trying to catch your breath you lay against Jack slowly coming back to, before you softly clenched around him remembering that he was still there “you with us baby?” Jack asked brushing your hair out of your face. 

You nodded gripping onto Trevor’s arm to help yourself up “damn.” Jack mumbled looking down at where you had been sat. A mix of your release and Jacks oozed out of your cunt and down the inside of your thigh as you used Trevor to support you. 

Trevor’s eyes followed Jacks before he let out a soft gasp “you know you could do that?” His hand squeezed at your hip before he set you on the bed next to the devils player. 

You shook your head “do what?” You asked growing confused “this broken girl just squirted.” Trevor scooped the release that had fallen before he thrusted his fingers into your cunt once more “we can’t have you forgetting about this now can we?” He asked watching your hand try to wrap around his wrist to stop him. 

Jack smirked seeing how you dropped back onto the bed, allowing your face to contort as you felt with a mix of pleasure and overstimulation “silly girl this summer is only just getting started.” The devils player nipped at your ear knowing that you weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Because here is to the summer you’ll never forget. 

[artyandink]

—————————————— DILF.ᐟDICK THOUGHTS, ANYONEᝰ.ᐣ

CLEAR BLUE SKIES AND THE GOLDEN SUN did nothing to lessen the difficulty of putting on sunscreen with a wriggling two year old daughter demanding your attention. You loved Jordan, of course you did, but since she was a mama’s girl it was hard to spend two minutes to yourself without her squealing for you, and with her chubby cheeks and sweet giggle, you felt like you’d go to hell if you refused.

Ah, kids, they can be devils and angels at the same time.

“She still being a lil’ siren?” Your neighbour and best friend, Cassie, smiled, sitting down next to you on the multiple beach towels you’d set out, in between you being Jordan, who was babbling random things while making a sandcastle. “How ‘bout I take care of her for a while? So you can get your freak on with a guy I found for you.”

Oh, again?

Cassie had been in the big business lately of being your matchmaker, but you didn’t think anyone could possibly be that welcoming to a woman with a two year old and who’s also in her twenties. Just didn’t seem to fit. So you rolled your eyes and groaned again, pulling the hem of your cami dress down before you leaned back on your hands.

“Cass, I don’t think we should do this dance again.” You sighed, adjusting your sunglasses and stroking Jordan’s hair as she babbled about ‘pretty princesses’. “Last time it—”

“— didn’t end well, I know, but trust me this time!”

“You said that last time.”

“Ugh, wait, hear me out.” She straightened up, dusting her hands down. “Look, he’s new to the neighbourhood, but he’s, like, the eligible bachelor. He’s so hot, so hot, so if you won’t get with him, I will. Go on, look.” She placed her hand on top of your head to turn it.

Your reflex was to protest, as your head was forcefully turned like it was some sort of fucking doorknob. “Cassie Rhodes, I don’t— holy… shit.”

Oh, mama.

Your eyes were slapped with the sight of the sexiest man you’d ever seen— and all thought flew from your brain except from what you wanted that man to do to you. Seems like your upstairs brain and downstairs finally came to an agreement here.

He was about 5’ 10”, from what you could see, with messed up black hair, eyes hidden behind hot sunglasses, a jawline that could cut steel and pink lips stretched into a grin. Not to mention how you could see every glorious muscle glow under the influence of the sun and sunblock all over every inch of skin you could see. The washboard abs made your teeth catch your bottom lip between them, the biceps made your mouth water and mind conjure up dirty things, the veins in that very defined forearm and football in his hand which he then threw to a guy who seemed to be either a friend or his brother.

You didn’t care, your brain was no longer functioning, oh, Lord help your soul.

“Cassie,” You breathed, a grin slowly spreading on your face, “you’re a genius.”

You didn’t know what it was about him that made you act like a horny teenager— yeah, no, you knew exactly what it was, it was his everything. As if it wasn’t enough, your eyes picked up a little girl running towards him on unsteady legs on sand, and when she reached him, he scooped her up with a laugh and a kiss to her forehead.

Men and children. Mayday, hot men and children.

“Sweetie, I give you Phoenix’s latest eligible bachelor… DICK GRAYSON.” Cassie giggled, patting your shoulder, but you didn’t listen, your ears were filled with static, staring at the way his abs rippled when he threw the football, how he occasionally bit his lip with those pearly whites which flooded your mouth with drool, and the swim trunks weren’t helping either. Also how there was a little girl that looked like Jordan running up to him— Jordan was running up to him?

You gasped, scrambling to stand up as Jordan hugged Dick’s leg, earning a small look of surprise. “Oh, shit, shit!” But just as you were about to reach Jordan, scoop her up and tell her not to hug a stranger’s leg, but the little shit ran out of the way just in time and sent you barrelling straight into the man of your wet dreams.

“Woah, there.” Fuck, that is one hot voice. Two strong hands steadied you, and as you looked up, you saw blue eyes behind pushed down sunglasses. “You ok, sweetheart?”

Hot damn. Despite actually getting the breath knocked out of him, the moment he laid eyes on you, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. You were gorgeous, with the stunning swelled body that usually came as a sign of pregnancy (and he was digging it), sunglasses and a cami dress that kind of had him flicking his eyes down the neckline of it. You were a MILF, if he ever saw one, and it had him salivating and running his eyes over every individual dip, curve, and imagining what it’d be like to bury his head between those stunning thighs.

Whew, that’s one hot mama.

Those pregnancy curves really did it for him, and he had to press his tongue between his teeth to hold back a whistle, nodding faintly. Oh, what he wouldn’t do for your number, dear Lord.

“I’m ok.” You first breathed out, then cleared your throat cause you didn’t want to seem pathetic. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about Jordan, she can be a loveable pain.”

“Loveable pain? I know the type.” He gestured to where a little girl who looked like his carbon copy was playing with a tall dude with a tuft of platinum hair at the front. “That’s my Skylar, but we call her Sky. Also a little troublemaker.” He held his hand out, but like in a palm-facing-up moment, not a firm handshake moment. “M’name’s Dick, darlin’. Dick Grayson.”

You probably told him your name, all you were focused on was plopping your hand in his— oh, God, he probably thought you were a crazy person. But instead of shaking it like ‘one of the boys’ would, he lifted your hand to his mouth and… and he kissed the knuckle.

You knew who you’d be touching yourself to tonight.

“S’ a pleasure to meet you. I just moved into the neighbourhood, it’ll be nice to have someone in the same boat to, y’know, talk to.” The way he glanced to you over his sunglasses told me that if he did decide to come to you, there’d be absolutely no talking done.

You nodded, and you vowed to never wash your hand again when he let it go. Jesus, he was jacked and gentle, what more could you ask for? “Of course, pop over whenever you like.”

“Best believe I will.” He grinned, and when you said a small, meek goodbye and walked off, he bit his lip upon seeing that ass and thighs in that dress of yours. Mhmm, he was so gonna grab that when he fucked all the stress of being a single mom out of you.

Jason punched his shoulder as he came up beside him, folding his arms. “Dickhead, you’ve got the ‘I wanna fuck her’ look in your eyes.”

“Shut up, Jay.” Dick scoffed, shaking his head. “You’re so crass.” Even as he scooped Sky up in his arms and nuzzled her hair as she let out a squeal of laughter, his eyes couldn’t help but flick back to you, your sun-kissed, glowy skin from being slathered in sunblock and the winking sun all day and every just right proportion that he loved in a lady.

Oh, he wanted to do a lot more than just fuck you.

[mmso-notlikethat]

for a fic prompt, what about primary school teacher tommy and single dad buck meet-cute 🥺🫶

you probably forgot about this, but just so you know Alex started here 😶‍🌫️ Also uh it got to more than just a meet-cute

“Dad, we’re gonna be late!” Alex exclaimed, his small hands tugging at the blanket Buck had pulled over his head. His six-year-old energy was relentless as he hopped on the bed, shaking his dad's shoulder.

Buck groaned dramatically, burrowing further into the covers. “Five more minutes, buddy,” he mumbled, his voice muffled as he rolled onto his stomach. “Late for what? School doesn’t even start until next week”

“It starts today!” Alex huffed, climbing onto Buck’s back. “You promised you’d wake up early so I wouldn’t be late! My teacher’s gonna think I’m the kid with the lazy dad!”

That got Buck’s attention. He peeked out from under the blanket, grinning. “Lazy, huh? You’re pretty brave, calling me names when I’m this close to tickling you.”

Alex gasped, trying to back away, but Buck was too fast. With a playful growl, he lunged, wrapping his arms around Alex and tackling him onto the bed. “You think you can just insult me and get away with it?”

“Dad! Nooo!” Alex shrieked between bursts of laughter as Buck’s fingers attacked his sides. “I’m serious! We really are gonna be late!”

Buck finally let him go, sitting up and ruffling Alex’s bedhead. “Alright, alright, you win. Let’s get you to school before your teacher thinks your dad’s a total slacker”

Alex hopped off the bed, already halfway to the kitchen. “You better not make me late, Dad!” he called over his shoulder.

I.

Buck knew mornings were a battlefield, but nothing prepared him for the chaos of getting his son, to his new school on time. He prepared almost everything the night before—laid out clothes, packed the lunch, even double-checked Alex’s backpack—but somehow, chaos still found a way. Between trying to locate Alex’s missing sneaker (it had somehow ended up in the fridge) and making sure the snack he packed met the “no nuts, no sugar” rule, Buck was already sweating before 8 a.m.

“See? Right on time,” Buck said triumphantly, unbuckling his seatbelt.

Alex, however, was already halfway out of his seat. “Barely,” he muttered, clutching a slightly crumpled drawing of a fire truck—his pride and joy—ready to show off on his first day.

“Hey, cut your old man some slack,” Buck called after him, grabbing Alex’s backpack from the passenger seat and jogging to catch up as his son bolted toward the school entrance.

The chaos didn’t stop at the school gate. As Buck jogged to catch up with Alex, the coffee cup in his hand wobbled dangerously. He didn’t even notice the man walking out of the classroom until it was too late.

Hot coffee sloshed out of the cup as Buck collided with someone tall and solid, soaking the other man’s neatly pressed shirt.

“Oh, crap—sorry, sorry, sorry!” Buck blurted, immediately trying to dab at the man’s chest with the sleeve of his own hoodie.

The man held up a hand, smiling despite the situation. “It’s okay! I’ve survived worse—though maybe not before 9 a.m.”

Buck stopped mid-dab, his apology dying on his lips as he looked up into bright blue eyes. The guy was gorgeous. Clean-cut, tall, and with the kind of easy smile that could probably calm a room full of screaming kids.

“I—uh—sorry again,” Buck stammered. “First day at a new school, and we’re already making enemies.”

The man chuckled, glancing down at his shirt. “It’s just coffee. Nothing a spare shirt won’t fix.” He held out a hand. “I’m Tommy Kinard, the first-grade teacher.”

Buck blinked, taking his hand. “Oh. Wow. Great. Yeah—uh—I’m Buck— Buckley. Uh—Evan... Buckley. Alex’s dad.” he said, pointing over his shoulder toward Alex.

Tommy raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by Buck’s flustered demeanor. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Buckley. Alex seems to be settling in just fine—he’s already making friends.”

Buck glanced at Alex, who was already chatting animatedly with another kid across the room. “Well, at least one of us is thriving.”

Tommy smiled. “You’re doing fine. First days are always an adventure. Just maybe avoid coffee collisions next time,” he said, his eyes flicking briefly to their still-clasped hands before meeting Buck’s gaze again.

Buck suddenly realized he was still gripping Tommy’s hand and quickly released it, his ears burning. “Oh! Uh, sorry about that.”

Tommy’s smile widened, clearly amused.

“Fair point—about the coffee! And, uh, if you ever need someone to return the favor and spill coffee on your enemies, I’m your guy,” Buck added, trying to recover.

Tommy tilted his head, his nose scrunching with his smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

As Tommy turned back toward the classroom, Buck exhaled shakily, his breath hitching as he muttered to himself, Oh boy.

II.

Buck had barely recovered from the coffee incident when he found himself nervously adjusting his shirt in the mirror for Parent-Teacher Night. It wasn’t like him to care this much about his appearance, but something about Tommy—Mr. Kinard, he corrected himself—had stuck with him.

As Buck stepped into the brightly decorated classroom, he immediately spotted Tommy. He was standing by a bulletin board covered in colorful artwork, smiling as he spoke to another parent. Buck’s stomach did a weird little flip.

“Mr. Buckley,” Tommy greeted warmly as he finished up his conversation and approached. “Good to see you again. No coffee this time?”

Buck chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Not today. Figured I’d avoid the risk.”

Tommy smiled. “Smart choice. Alex has been settling in really well, by the way. He’s a great kid.”

“Thanks,” Buck said, his chest swelling with pride. “He loves it here—and he won’t stop talking about you, by the way. ‘Mr. Kinard is so cool. Mr. Kinard can draw fire trucks better than me.’”

Tommy laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Well, I’m glad to know I’ve impressed him. Though I think his fire truck skills might outshine mine soon.”

As they chatted, Buck shifted nervously, trying to look relaxed. But in his fidgeting, he bumped into a small table holding a stack of construction paper and art supplies, sending them toppling to the floor with a loud clatter.

“Oh, no,” Buck groaned, crouching down immediately to try and fix the mess. “Sorry—sorry! I didn’t mean to—”

Tommy crouched down beside him, biting back a smile as his shoulder brushed against Buck’s. “It’s fine, really. Happens all the time. These tables are magnets for chaos.”

Buck glanced up, meeting Tommy’s amused gaze, his face flushing. “I swear I’m usually more coordinated.”

Tommy chuckled, handing him a pile of papers. “You’re doing fine, Mr. Buckley. Though I might have to ban you from coffee and art supplies.”

They both laughed, the tension easing as they stood. They chatted for a few more minutes after that, Buck feeling more at ease with every word. By the time the evening ended, Buck was walking out of the school with a smile he couldn’t quite shake—and a lingering warmth from the way Tommy’s shoulder had felt against his.

III.

A week later, Buck was rushing back to the school, Alex’s forgotten math worksheet clutched in his hand. He burst into the office, breathless and slightly disheveled, his shirt untucked on one side and his hair sticking up in a way that suggested he’d been running his hands through it all morning.

Tommy was already there, sitting behind the counter with a mug of tea. He looked up, and his smile widened when he saw Buck.

“Mr. Buckley,” Tommy said, his voice tinged with laughter. “In a hurry?”

Buck groaned, straightening his shirt with one hand while clutching the worksheet in the other. Of course it’s you who’ll see me like this, he muttered under his breath, low enough that he thought Tommy wouldn’t hear.

Tommy raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. “What was that?”

Buck flushed. “Oh, uh, nothing. Just… Alex forgot his homework,” he said, holding up the crumpled paper as evidence. “I had a long shift last night—barely managed to get him to school on time this morning—and I was about to crash when I noticed the homework on the counter and—” He stopped, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “—you don’t want to hear that. Sorry.”

Tommy stood, taking the worksheet from him. “Actually, I don’t mind,” he said, his voice calm and genuine. “It’s not every day I get to hear about someone pulling off the superhero double shift—saving lives and making sure forgotten homework gets to school. Alex has a pretty awesome dad.”

Buck let out a breathless laugh, his face heating up. “I don’t know about awesome… but thanks.”

Tommy smiled, his tone light as he added, “Seriously, you’re doing great. Alex talks about you all the time—it’s obvious how much he looks up to you. I’ll make sure he gets this.”

The compliment caught Buck off guard, and he found himself stumbling over his words. “Oh, I—I just try not to screw up too much.”

“You’re doing fine,” Tommy said, his lips quirking into a small smile. “Though I have to say, Mr. Buckley, you do have a knack for keeping things interesting.”

Buck blinked, momentarily speechless. Then, with a slightly awkward chuckle, he added, “You can just call me Evan, by the way. ‘Mr. Buckley’ makes me feel old.”

Tommy’s eyes twinkled. “Evan it is.”

As Buck left the school, still red-faced and brushing his hand through his hair in an attempt to fix it, he couldn’t help but smile. Despite the chaos of the morning, there was a lingering warmth in his chest—and a growing determination to get to know Tommy better.

IV.

When the school’s fall fair rolled around, Buck found himself roped into volunteering after Alex came home with a flyer and an excited plea. Buck agreed, deciding it wouldn’t hurt to pitch in—and, if he was being honest (which he wasn’t), he was also hoping to see Tommy again.

Buck signed up to contribute to the bake sale, spending the evening before the fair elbow-deep in flour and sugar. By the time the fair kicked off, his table was piled high with cookies, brownies, and pumpkin bread, all neatly arranged and drawing plenty of attention.

Sure enough, Buck spotted Tommy running the face-painting booth. Alex insisted on getting a firefighter painted on his cheek, and Tommy obliged with steady hands and an artistic flair that left Buck impressed.

“You’re pretty good at that,” Buck said as Tommy finished, his gaze lingering on the neat little firetruck.

Tommy glanced up, smiling. “Multitasking is part of the job. Though I’m not sure my painting skills are gallery-worthy.”

“Well, Alex looks thrilled, so I’d say you’re doing great,” Buck replied, watching his son beam at his reflection in the mirror Tommy handed him.

Later in the afternoon, they crossed paths at the bake sale. Tommy stopped by Buck’s table, raising an eyebrow at the neat array of treats. “Wow. Did you make all of this?” he asked, picking up a cookie.

“Guilty,” Buck said with a grin. “I figured I’d try to help out—and Alex swore my cookies would sell out.”

Tommy took a bite, his eyes widening slightly. “Okay, these are really good. You’re full of surprises, Mr. Buckley.”

“Evan,” Buck corrected, his grin widening. “And thanks. Coming from the guy who paints flawless firetrucks, I’ll take it.”

Tommy chuckled, glancing over his shoulder at the growing line of kids waiting at his booth. “Well, my clients are building up. Better get back before they riot.”

“Good luck,” Buck said with a laugh as Tommy waved and headed off.

Some time later, a commotion near the tug-of-war game caught Buck’s attention. Tommy was helping referee, holding the rope as a group of kids giggled and yanked on the other end. It was clear he wasn’t pulling too hard, letting the kids think they had the upper hand.

But then, with an enthusiastic pull, the rope slipped from his grasp, snapping against his hand. Tommy winced, letting out a soft “Ow,” as he instinctively shook his hand.

“Everything okay over there?” Buck asked, already making his way over.

Tommy looked up, his ears pink. “Just a little mishap. I didn’t want to yank too hard and send them flying, but they got a little too into it.”

“Let me see,” Buck said, reaching for Tommy’s hand. When Tommy hesitated, Buck raised an eyebrow. “Come on. Let the firefighter take a look.”

Tommy sighed but extended his hand. “It’s really nothing—just another day surviving the battlefield of a school fair.”

Buck smirked, gently turning Tommy’s hand over. There was a faint red mark on his palm, and Buck’s thumb brushed over it lightly. “You’re gonna live, but I think you’ll survive this with your reputation intact.”

Tommy���s lips quirked into a dry smile. “Good to know, Doctor Buckley. Should I get a lollipop for being brave?”

Buck laughed, releasing Tommy’s hand. “Depends—do you want me to write you a note to get out of face-painting duty too?”

Tommy chuckled, shaking his head. “Tempting, but I think I’ll soldier on.”

Before Buck could reply, a small voice interrupted them. One of the kids from the tug-of-war group had approached, his big eyes teary as he looked up at Tommy. “Mr. Kinard? Are you okay? We’re sorry.”

Tommy’s expression softened immediately. He crouched down, ruffling the boy’s hair. “I’m fine, kiddo. Just be careful, okay? And watch out for your friends, too.”

The boy nodded, sniffling as Tommy smiled warmly. Buck stood back, quietly observing the moment, a small smile tugging at his lips.

As Tommy stood up, brushing his hands off, he gave Buck a look. “I think that officially makes me a tug-of-war casualty. Should I get a medal?”

Buck chuckled. “How about some hot choco instead? Seems like a safer bet.”

By the end of the day, Buck and Alex found themselves at the hot chocolate stand, where Tommy offered them steaming cups. Tommy handed Alex’s cup over first, crouching slightly to meet the boy’s excited grin. “For the hardest-working kid at the fair,” Tommy said with a wink.

“Thanks, Mr. Kinard!” Alex chirped, taking the cup carefully with both hands.

Tommy straightened and handed Buck his cup next. “And for the guy who apparently doubles as my personal first responder,” he added lightly, their fingers brushing briefly as Buck took the cup.

“Thanks,” Buck said, feeling a warmth spread through him—not just from the hot chocolate. For a moment, their eyes met, and Buck thought he saw something unspoken in Tommy’s gaze.

Alex interrupted the moment, taking a careful sip and humming in approval. “This is the best hot chocolate, Dad! Right?”

“It’s pretty great,” Buck agreed, smiling down at Alex before glancing back at Tommy.

As they lingered there for a moment longer, Buck decided the fall fair had been well worth the effort.

V.

A month later, during pick-up, Buck arrived at the school later than usual, his steps hurried as he made his way to the playground. A call at work had held him up unexpectedly, and he hadn’t been able to send anyone else to get Alex. He spotted Alex and Tommy laughing together near the swings, and the tension in his chest eased slightly.

As Buck approached, Alex looked up and ran toward him. “Dad! You’re late!” he said, crossing his arms in exaggerated frustration.

Buck crouched down, ruffling Alex’s hair as he unbuckled his backpack from the fence. “I know, buddy. I’m sorry. I got caught up at work.”

Alex huffed but let himself be buckled into the car seat, his earlier frustration giving way to excitement as he started rambling about his day. Buck sighed, running a hand through his hair as he turned back to Tommy.

“I keep messing things up with him,” Buck said, shaking his head. “Sorry about this.”

Tommy shook his head quickly, his expression soft. “Don’t worry, Evan,” he said, then hesitated, glancing at Alex. “You were working. I got yo—him.” He corrected himself with a small smile, his ears turning slightly pink.

Buck chuckled softly, the apology and correction taking the edge off his guilt. Tommy must have noticed, and he leaned against the side of the fence, trying to lighten the mood.

“Alex was just telling me about your firehouse,” Tommy said, his tone casual. “It sounds like you’ve got some pretty cool stories.”

“Oh, plenty,” Buck said, grinning. “Maybe I’ll share a few someday.”

Tommy tilted his head, his expression playful. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Buck stood there for a moment, shifting on his feet, reluctant to leave. Finally, he mustered the courage to ask, “Hey, would you want to grab coffee sometime? You know, somewhere that doesn’t involve spilling it all over you?”

Tommy’s smile widened. “Only if you promise to stop calling me ‘Mr. Kinard. It’s Tommy—and yeah, I’d like that.”

[oikarma]

number one girl

pairing: max verstappen x reader

summary: the story of ynmax is a very, very heated topic riddled with holes and chock full of conspiracies: a couple and split to rival brocedes. it's mostly an a f1 thing, though, until you release an album and the internet tries to deduce what ruined a decades-long friendship.

a/n: angst warning. bear with me, you're in for a long ride. we go from twitter to insta to reddit to sdfsd. this was SO FUN!

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liked by stevienicks, georgerussell63 and 3,104,827 others

yourinstagram: "number one girl" out now.

view all 411,295 comments

user1: mother??? music???

user2: our multitalented baby <3

stevienicks: so proud of you ❤️

yourinstagram: so thankful for you 🥺 your support is immeasurable in worth

user3: max verstappen did you-

user4: george listening to this so he can justify bullying max next season

user5: please 💀 i choked on my water reading that

user6: CHARLES IN THE CREDITS FOR PIANO?? how many side quests has this girl roped people into

user7: they're still good friends lol just cause she and max stopped speaking doesn't mean she's not close w the rest of the grid user8: @/user7 right! she and alex have also posted each other quite a bit after the rhode collab

user9: is no one talking about the lyrics 😃 gut wrenching, yes, but the way it all lines up w max??

user10: no babe dw we're all talking about the lyrics user11: my roman empire...

user12: who's this max guy and what does he have to do with my queen y/n

user13: @/user12 he's a formula one driver, they ued to be best friends user12: @/user13 like nascar? omg what i only knew that she debuted in shadow n bone but WHAT IS THIS

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A PAGE FROM Y/N's JOURNAL November 15, 2021

Max is a plane right now to see Kelly. I feel like I've been punched, three times over. The nausea is getting to me.

How could you? Just say all those things, like you always do. Do you mean any of them? When you say "I love you, more than anyone in this life." When you say "You're worth it, really. "When you say "forever." Does anyone ever really mean forever? Forever is part of the foreseeable future. You cannot capture what is beyond that.

You were my life. The words, every moment. An inescapable reminder.

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liked by charles_leclerc, brunomars and 2,819,305 others

yourinstagram: "toxic till the end (ft. lewis hamilton)" is up on youtube and all music platforms ♡

view all 309,418 comments

user1: what. the. fuck.

user2: is she dating lewis? what? y/n girl please stop being cryptic my head can't take all of this 😭

user3: if this is part of the press tour i must say i am now extremely invested in the ynmax drama and i didn't even know who max was until i saw a thread on number one girl...

lewishamilton: Best of luck with your future endeavors, Y/N 🫂 Will be by your side!

yourinstagram: you better be 🫰 user4: the friendship we didn't know we needed

user5: lewis with...pink hair...

user6: max emilian verstappen fumbled so hard

user7: imagine ghosting THE y/n l/n and then she drops this

user8: well, 4 years later but yeah user9: what even is a wdc...

user10: what does the heart mean y/n

user11: bro

user12: so i guess the harry styles dating rumors were all fake 😔 but omg lewis music!!

kellypiquet: Face and voice of an angel 😽

yourinstagram: me? please, pregnancy glow has been treating you good 💕 user13: at least they don't have any hard feelings...

user14: bruno in the likes is the most random thing ever

user15: acting career, check. singing career, check. formula one side quests??? multple checks

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

liked by kellypiquet and 4,103,697 others

lewishamilton: Behind the scenes of Miss Y/N's "toxic till the end" music video

tagged: yourinstagram

yourinstagram: looking good there, lew

lewishamilton: Very kind of you to say user1: trust me we are witnessing the start of a great romance

user2: i don't want to delulu too hard but PLEASE tell me y/n's moved on with lewis it would be the ultimate baddie move

user3: imagine...you won abu dhabi but you lost the love of your life to the guy you beat 🤪 user4: we're all insane but i'm just going to keep dreaming

charles_leclerc: Why am I not in your dump?

yourinstagram: face card wasn't lethal enough user5: she's brutal 💀 user6: our charles's facecard could start wars idk what she's on

user7: daddy please give me ONE chance

user8: give me some of that maranello?? he looks so good oml

user9: focusing on music videos and not racing...no wonder he's washed

user10: @/user9 can you stfu and touch grass user11: @/user9 literally no one asked

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

AN UNSENT LETTER FROM MAX November 2021

Dear Hey, Y/N.

I realized you blocked me. It hurts. I don't know what to say or what to believe anymore. I miss us. Overstepping was the wrong choice, if you must, but going back is not impossible.

We've been friends for so long. Why can't you won't you try?

I miss you.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

r/Fauxmoi · 1 day ago hamilton7xc

Max Verstappen and Y/N L/N's infamous split explained?

feralonsos: So she's been pretending he led her on when she lead him on

parking23: I don't know anymore. I know nothing. Don't even talk to me.

forzamcqueen: I want to say it's not about YNMax but 21 (as in 21, when they split?) and Y/N has been coming out with music recently. When you look at the "number one girl" lyrics from Boy's perspective it lines up with this submission. That Max wanted reassurance from Y/N and she gave it to him, but she couldn't give him everything he needed.

↳ roses_berg: @/forzamcqueen I don't know...it seems kind of unlikely. Y/N has a lyric about "chasing the prize" or something like that. What prize would she be chasing? On the other hand, you have Max who has clearly said racing is his passion and he loves winning.

↳ forzamcqueen: @/roses_berg I see where you're coming from but there are a few interpretations. Toxic Till the End suggests she thought his attachment to her was maybe unhealthy, and he kept trying to find ways to keep her by his side. Y/N has mentioned in past interviews (promo for her role in Shadow and Bone, when she was starting to do acting) that she's had bad experience with past relationships and is hesitant on starting a new one.

↳ januaryblues11: @/forzamcqueen Sorry, what interview? Could you link it?

↳ forzamcqueen: @/januaryblues11 No worries, I put it down below. The part I'm referring to is around 5:41.

↳ WolffHornerFan: @/forzamcqueen Okay, okay. I need a timeline then. She must've started filming Shadow and Bone in Oct 2019, then wrapped 4 months later in Feb 2020. This might be the "prize" she's chasing? Her own career. Before it was announced that she was in the series most news referred to her as "close friend" or "best friend" of Max Verstappen. Now a lot of people know her for S&B or Top Gun Maverick, etc.

↳ CautiousOwl: Might've not wanted her relationship to overshadow her career. It's understandable, if she wanted to be taken seriously instead of a "nepo friend."

↳ 4norrisop: She's amazing in Shadow and Bone! Definitely recommend checking that out, but I don't understand why she ghosted him.

↳ ynluv07: @/4norrisop he was dating kelly at the time. she might've thought it was a bad idea after it happened (i'm referring to the kiss, which i assume happened because she explicitly refers to it a few times in "number one girl") and distanced herself. maybe she told him it wasn't okay?

↳ ICEMAN_bwoah: Brain hurts.

↳ brooksies: Well if she did give up her happiness because she thought Kelly deserved better, that's great. No wonder they're still on good terms.

↳ DauntingParrot91: @/brooksies Yeah, sure...

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

AN UNSENT LETTER FROM MAX January 2022

Y/N, I'm sorry I asked for too much; I'm sorry I pushed you. I'll take my bags and go quietly, this time. Maybe you'll open the door again someday. I love you too, my best friend always.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

liked by lewishamilton, taylorswift and 4,103,269 others

yourinstagram: Burnout.

comments on this post have been limited

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

AN UNSENT LETTER FROM Y/N February 2022

Wish you'd take a little longer to pack up your bags. You're moving too fast. Make me want to hate you more than I hate myself, so I don't have to miss you. Make a mistake, please. So I have someone to blame.

Please, won't you stay a little longer? I would call you babe, just to make you smile. I wouldn't mean it that way, but I still love you. You're my best friend. Why wasn't that enough?

I'll be okay, sometime. You say it's written all over my face, and I wonder, what is? I'm fragile, now. I'm speechless, now. Don't leave me in pieces. I'm sorry, let me fix it. It won't be good for us, but oh-how I want to.

I'm already having trouble breathing. Please, stay a little longer. I can't stand these four walls without you inside them.

Come back, be here.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

liked by kellypiquet and 1,249,805 others

maxverstappen: She stayed a little longer 🖤

tagged: kellypiquet

view all 91,432 comments

user1: GUYS HE DEF HEARD THE SONG

user2: do we think kelly asked him to post it

user3: tbf given on how sweet her n yns interactions are i wouldn't be surprised if she listened to burnout

user4: kelly. you are the strongest woman i know

user5: so i can convince you the minute i kiss you speak a little softer so i don't have to answer and make it okay before you can say

user6: i just know he had a little breakdown inside after he heard the album

user7: max rn: CHARLES HOW COULD YOU PLAY PIANO FOR HER

user8: max: alexa play that should be me user9: ho-olding your handdd

user10: who are we blaming today

user11: at least max is finally someone's number one girl

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

AN UNSENT LETTER FROM MAX Summer 2024

Sometimes I look to the television and you're on, flying a plane or wielding magic, whatever it is you do these days. I knew you could act. I knew you'd make it far. I hear you were nominated for a Golden Globe, too.

I was mad for a long time. I was upset you kicked me out of your life so abruptly.

Kelly's expecting. I think she will be as good a mother to our child as she is to little P. A family is what I have always wanted, you know. It was not what you wanted.

I am sorry. I have said that many times, but one day I will need to say it to your face. I am truly, irrevocably sorry for all the hurt I caused you, in the name of love.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

r/PopCultureChat · 1 day ago forzamcqueen

"Burnout" by Y/N L/N

How do we feel about the release of the full album? Moreover, how do we think it fits into the YNMax narrative? I, for one, have been listening non-stop trying to figure out the story.

lec_clerc16: I think it's funny how many people have gotten into F1 because of her music. Lol.

↳ NaturalOtter5: Well Lewis & Charles were on it so I would say the F1 community is pretty interested in the tea aswell.

↳ lec_clerc16: @/NaturalOtter5 Right, but YNMax is old drama. Sure, someone's posting in r/F1 every other week about an old photo or new quote. It's still been around for a while. This is fresh meat 😋

jennyowens1342: such a player...LOL who is gameboy about atp

↳ sassybanana: TBF Y/N's dating life has been a lot more quiet than Max's. There have been rumors but she hasn't hard launched anything. Maybe the one public "relationship" was enough for her.

museapollo: the more i listen the more convinced i am that y/n did not want the relationship as max did and decided it was best for them to stop being friends. the whole album is about a codependent relationship and the two people can't deal with leaving but they know it's better for both.

↳ janitorsclosetmonster: yess!! that's what i've been saying. we can't blame y/n for everything, it must've been confusing for her as well. having to navigate everything. idt she'd dated anyone at that point. max was her only close friend.

↳ EggplantParmesan713: But did max cheat...that's the real question. When did THE kiss happen? And who started it?

↳ museapollo: @/EggplantParmesan713 idk. i can't figure if she actually loved him (romantically) bcs it's clear he did but her side is a bit more hazy. you have: 1. "i just WANT it to be you" - it's not actually him she loves but she desperately wants it to be him 2. "cause even when i said it was over / you heard baby can you pull me in closer" - she's telling him it won't work out but he's not listening. 3. "please, won't you stay, stay a little a little longer, babe?" - she pauses before babe, like it's her trying to convince him to stay. mb she thought it was best to distance herself/end the friendship for a bit but she still loves him a lot because they've been friends for so long

↳ forzamcqueen: @/museapollo The best explanation I have heard so far. You can't force someone to love you the way you do. At least they've matured and moved on.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

January 2025

Dear Max:

Congratulations. I'm sure you will be a wonderful father, as I have always guessed. 2024 was a great year for you. I watched all a few of your races; you've still got it.

I'm putting out an album soon. I thought you should know. I already had a talk with Kelly, she's listened to some snippets and she likes it a lot. Some of the writing is about you the things I never said.

It was wonderful being your best friend. We had a good run, better than most.

Missing you Wish you the best, Y/N L/N

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

February 2025

Dear Y/N:

Occasionally, I think of all that could have been.

But we had many years together, and I will always cherish those moments.

Kelly loves the album, she puts it on while she cooks or does her makeup. P sings along in the car. She says she wants to go out for a tea party with you sometime. I listen to it even when they're out of the voice, for a reminder of your voice. You've made quite a name for yourself. I'm sorry I couldn't be there by your side.

Thank you for writing it. There are some things that you have to hear once, just for yourself.

Love Always Yours, Max Verstappen

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

what did you think?? i might do a part 2 of yn & max talking for the first time in forever but i wanna know if you guys liked this one first LOL

[mlthree]

task force 141 hated mess hall food. and they weren’t alone in that. the entire base hated the mess hall food. was it the worst thing they’d ever tasted in their whole lives? no. was it terrible? …yes. you couldn’t just keep putting chili flakes on everything. you had to do something about this.

so when you all finish a mission in berlin, you make some stupid excuse about swinging by a friend you haven’t seen in years. the boys know you’re lying. it’s not that you’re a bad liar, it’s just that you can’t contain your excitement for what was brewing in that gorgeous mind of yours.

simon tails you. obviously. are you two dating? hell no. as in not yet. but he’d be damned if he was gonna just let you walk around berlin alone. not like he had anything better to do.

you swing by a butcher shop and a chinese grocery store, and when you leave, simon notes that your backpack seems to weigh significantly more than it did when you went in.

interesting.

you waited two days until all the boys were occupied before starting on your master plan. price was in some meeting with laswell, soap was asleep, gaz was at the shooting range, and simon was sparring. or so you thought. you’re cleaning the beef in the team’s little kitchenette-living room area when simon comes up behind you, asking what you’re up to. you have a knife in your hand. if he didn’t have such quick reflexes, it would’ve ended up being simon skewers on the menu instead. 

“jesus christ, si. you don’t have to prove to me why you’re called ghost.” 

“was wondering when you were gonna cook everything you bought in berlin.”

“fucking stalker.” he gives you this look. the look that shuts you up every. single. time. you shift your weight from foot to foot, looking around for some way to diffuse the tension. “can you get started on the sauce?”

“nah.” you blink. what the fuck does he mean, ‘nah’? “would rather taste your cooking.” you roll your eyes, resisting the urge to smile. simon can tell. he leans against the counter right next to the stove, and you turn back around to the island to continue prepping the meat.

the process goes rather smoothly, with simon poking his nose in things here and there. you could’ve sworn he was carefully checking the seals on every single bottle of spice and flavoring you’d bought, making you laugh a bit to yourself. he is helpful when you need to actually sear the beef, letting you make the rice and sauce. you do have to smack his hands away a few times, telling him he can eat when everyone else does.

it takes longer than you would’ve assumed, an extra half hour added onto the original 30 minutes you originally thought it would take. you blame simon. it wasn’t easy to stay on task when you could feel his eyes on you. you send a quick text to the groupchat that dinner will be held in the kitchenette tonight, and everyone was strictly prohibited from entering until 1900 hours. glancing at the clock that told you 18:49, you make your final adjustments while simon helps you set the island.

almost on the dot, price and johnny come in, with price immediately exclaiming at how good it smells and soap just closing his eyes and taking a deep breath of the aroma. both of their jaws drop when they see the table, and if you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought you had cooked a feast for two starving prisoners.

“sweetheart. you didn’t.” are the first words out of price’s mouth, making you smile wide. 

“i did! come on, sit down. and soap, pick your jaw up off the floor.” the sergeant quickly follows your orders, and scrambles into a seat next to john, with everyone watching amusedly at his excitement.

“should we wait for gaz?” you ask.

“you said 1900 hours. early bird catches the worm. or the beef, in this case.” price shrugs, clearly having no remorse in shoveling the food onto his plate. soap nods hastily in agreement, and you and simon exchange amused looks.

gaz joins only a few minutes late, annoyedly remarking at price and soap’s heap of food when he realizes what he missed out on. you tell him to sit down and grab some while he can, still a bit shocked at the pace that price and johnny are devouring the food at.

“bonnie,” soap manages in between shovels of his food, “you deserve. the best head in the world for this. or something of that sort.” the entire table erupts in laughter, and you shake your head with a huge grin on your face.

“that wouldn't even be the worst thing to happen to me.” you try not to notice simon staring you down. staring. as if he was imagining doing exactly what soap had said—

“no, but seriously, this is too good. i could eat this every day for the rest of my life,” gaz adds, taking another bite. “nobody would complain if you cooked more often. just for us, though. gotta keep you a secret.” you just smile tightly, returning simon’s gaze. the fact that you could see his lips because he had turned his balaclava up to eat wasn’t helping—

“love, everything okay?” your head snaps to gaz, and you quickly nod. 

“yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. just need some more water,” you quickly save yourself, mouth suddenly feeling dry because of what you're seeing in your head. you can see the corners of simon’s mouth quirk up ever so slightly.

this man was going to be the death of you.

[chevxyn]

FIRST love and first LOVE.

ft. itoshi sae, itoshi rin, & you.

angst, fluff, childhood crush troupe, friends to lovers.

wc : 890

your FIRST love, it was sae.

he was the awakening of your love story, and your bestfriend.

you were a child, who had passion for art. you were not much older than ten when you met sae. it was when a few older boys that was at the age of twelve was bullying you. and he stood up for you, his little brother that seemed to be your age behind him.

when the two of them approached you, they were kind to hand their arms reaching for yours. that’s the first time you met them. it didn’t take long until the three of you became friends. more specifically, you and sae. rin was just kinda there since he was a little shy to you.

when you would watch them joke and play together, you would also draw the scenery around. and they would compliment you, which you would just get flustered. giving them a smile aswell as thanking them.

sae would get the two of you popsicles, and even invite you to their house. where you met their parents, and fortunately, they seem to love you too. to you, sae really was the kindest person.

the three of you would hang out at the shore, as sae would sit next to you, your heart would beat. you were a kid, you didn’t know this feeling yet. even your parents never explained it, so you never told anyone.

it’s at the shore again on the other side of the fence, the three of you have been friends for around two years now. sae explained how he’ll go away tomorrow to spain, and your heart dropped.

your bestfriend, is going away? rin didn’t expressed alot of emotions, but you were frowning. which sae took notice, “come on now, [nickname].” he said and pushed you sideways using his elbow.

“who knows? maybe you’re gonna end up big like that leonardo da vinci guy and come to spain with us.” he smirked and you let out a small chuckle, “but i promise, when we do meet up again, the three of us, will become the best in world.”

and so it was time to say goodbye to sae, it was at the airport. you had their final hug with sae. which sae gladly accepted, hugging you too before saying goodbye to his parents and rin. and this is the loss of your first love.

your first LOVE, it was rin.

he is your love story, and your darling lover.

after sae’s departure, you and rin never had a separation, dare you say, you gotten even closer. rin saw you as his other sibling. well, atleast at first.

as the two of you had gotten older, so did your feelings. rin has been increasingly gentle with you, and worked even harder to catch after sae. unfortunately, that day came.

where sae went home, the first time in a while that you met sae again, you noticed he was not like he was. he was much colder, and your heart dropped seeing him. and just a few moments after that, a fight broke out with the two brothers. it was something that you did not imagine to happen, especially when you heard him saying these words to his own little brother, “I don’t need you in my life anymore.”

after sae had left the scene, you went to rin. immediately crouching to his level, and rin was holding back tears. he was down to his knees, before you held him in your arms, hugging him.

it was after a few days, you visited rin again, where you saw him ruining the trophies that he worked so hard for. you came running to him, and calmed him down before he looked at you.

“he crushed my dreams, i’m gonna crush his.” this is not what you expected, but just nodded to him. “[name], what am i gonna do?” he said moments later, his voice more quiet and vulnerable.

few months have passed since then, and rin had grown more colder to everyone except you, and you had noticed this. you would express your concern whenever he would do stupid things, dangerous ones.

“ya know, you need to stop doing those stunts, what if you get hurt?” you said as you sighed, sitting beside him at the ground watching movies with him.

“i have you to take care of me, don’t i?” he reasoned, and you frowned at that excuse, looking at him. “i mean yeah, but,” you tried to reason, but he cuts you off. “but what? don’t you like me?” he said and you froze, huh? “you always took care and looked after me, more than my brother ever did.”

“i mean, i do like you, but-“ rin glanced at you, “but what?” you blinked, and raised your eyebrow. “[name], if it isn’t obvious with your peanut brain, i also like you.”

the world felt like it stopped at that time. as you could only see his side profile, he didn’t even bother to look at you as he confessed that. but eventually, he does and the two of you locked eyes.

his beautiful teals ones against yours, you felt your heart racing, more than ever that you can hear it beating. “do you accept me too?” he simply said, and that’s how he ended up as your first love.

©chevxyn

[garciasgirl]

Secret Sunshine | spencer reid x reader ｡𖦹°‧

genre: fluff!!

summary: spencer and reader were childhood best friends, until spencer had to leave. spencer left reader when he went to college and they haven’t spoken in over ten years. one might, at a some random local bar garcia dragged the BAU too, spencer finds someone he wasn’t expecting to ever see again. his sunshine.

content: sunshine!reader, use of y/n, awkward!spencer, but he starts to get more confident slowly? idk, lighthearted teasing, spencer left her, spencer and reader are childhood best friends, nervous!spencer, nervous!readet, bubbly!reader, lots of longing for each other, super fluffy and cute, spencer struggles with being affected by his job, baker!reader

notes: guys this is my first time writing like this please im so so sorry if it’s bad!! pls don’t be mean i will cry

word count: 2.8k

──── ୨୧ ──── ──── ୨୧ ────

spencer didn’t often entertain the teams schemes of bringing him out to a club or bar. however, their last case in particular got to him. the details still fresh and relentless in his mind. a case involving children. cases were hard enough, but when it involved children, that came with a different feeling. A stronger one.

Spencer hated how much his job affected him. Especially when he looked at his team members, they never seemed to have any issue. Sure, the pictures could be gruesome and disturbing, which the team were affected by. But Spencer, it wasn’t just the pictures. It was guilt that came along with it. maybe the only downside to an eidetic memory. He could never take his mind off of anything. The cases, the victims, the guilt. What if he could’ve done better? What if he figured things out faster? Would he have saved those victims? Was this his fault? It was eating at him too much, maybe that’s why he agreed to garcia’s team bonding event at a local bar.

“having fun, genius?” Morgan’s familiar teasing tone suddenly appeared. no, he was not. but Penelope was right there, and he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he said anything of the sort in front of her. he settled on “sure, a blast.” spencer wasn’t usually one for sarcasm, but an occasional snippy response happened here and there. “come on, spence..loosen up!! we all are in need of a break.” jj sat down next to him, her smile was warm and her voice kind. the teams teasing was playful and light, it always was. but spencer did not need any more stress, and this environment was starting to feel a lot more overwhelming than expected. too loud, music playing and people shouting over it, too bright, light for every corner yet it was so dark. and way too many people. he just needed a break, just a couple seconds.

“im going to get a drink.” spencer muttered, standing up and making his way to the bar. “uh, just, a sprite please.” he never liked alcohol, spencer liked control. and alcohol came with uncontrollable chaos. spencer lingered at the bar for a couple minutes, at first it was a bit calming. there weren’t many people surrounding him, and the music wasn’t as loud over here. that was until a swarm of people came over to the bar, shouting and practically pushing spencer out of the way. he sighed, a bit annoyed, and grabbed his drink. he returned to the table filled with his coworkers, and sat back down. jj said something to him, he doesn’t respond. he means to, but he just can’t.. his attention was somewhere else. on someone else.

her. those brown curls that bounced with every step. the dimples, you hadn’t changed much since he last saw you. which was, the summer when you both were thirteen. your tan skin glistened under the lights, and the smile stretched onto your face was so familiar, he almost felt pulled to you. he knew he couldn’t go over to you, what if you didn’t remember? but, he could just…look, right?

“Reid? Hello…pretty boy?” Morgan snapped his fingers in Spencer’s face. Spencer shook his head slightly “huh..?” He muttered, not turning his attention away from you. he took a quick glance at morgan, his attention springing back to you almost instantly. Derek laughed at him, “welcome back man, what were you..”

he trails off, following Spencer’s eyes. a low whistle followed by some deep laughter. “well, look at that, pretty boys’s got himself a crush.” Spencer shook himself slightly and cleared his throat. Taking a sip from his drink. “Shut up morgan, I uh..” emily shook her head at him “don’t even try Reid, he is never letting this go.” She was right; but Spencer couldn’t bring himself to care much in that moment. You were in the center of his brain, and you were hard to shake.

He thought this couldn’t get any worse, any more awkward. the moment he noticed you, he felt overwhelmed with nostalgia. Even though he was scared that you would notice him, and how you would respond. he still felt a longing for you. a longing for the person he had considered his home, and the person that he was forced to leave when college came around. the shock from seeing you and the embarrassment from his team, which he knew was coming, was all to much. just enough to make his hand twitch and sweat, which in result, the drink in his hand spilled. not all the way, but just enough to cover the part of the table in front of him. as he scrambled to clean it up, his ears turning pink from his teams teasing, he heard that voice.

you weren’t even talking to him yet, you had walked in the bar with some unfamiliar faces. friends of yours, he assumed. the feelings of embarrassment and nostalgia were pushed down. and the pain of guilt flooded through his system. spencer didn’t mean to leave you. you were, well, everything to him. but college was important to him, and even more important to his mom. he couldn’t say no. losing you was heartbreaking, but you encouraging him to go, that buried him deep into the ground. you were just so kind, so caring. even though Spencer was the only person you ever truly trusted, you told him to move across the country because you wanted him to chase his dreams. he still felt guilty, he still felt like an absolute idiot. maybe it was the creepy staring from both spencer. Or maybe it was the equally creepy staring from his team. but eventually you turned around, and you had noticed him. you had seen Spencer. The man you have been dying to see again since the moment he left. you walked over to him, not meaning to leave your friends behind, but doing it anyway.

“Spencer Reid? that cannot be you!” A warm voice flooded the area Spencer and his team were currently occupying. “y/n, uh..hi..!” He mumbled awkwardly, the teams glance stuck on Spencer, except for morgan, of course. Who was busy ogling over y/n. He did that with every pretty girl, but, y/n was different. Spencer didn’t understand the feelings arising, but he knew he didn’t want morgan looking at you like that for any longer.

laughter, soft and feminine broke out. “Spence, really? We’ve known each other for what? Over ten years? Don’t be so awkward!!” y/n spoke directly towards Spencer, not even acknowledging the rest of his team yet. Morgan nudged Spencer with his shoulder. “Pretty boy, ten years!! You’ve known this gorgeous lady for over ten years and you’re acting like a high school boy?”

“Shut up- morgan! I, I just didn’t expect to see her, okay?” Spencer responded, his voice unsure, which wasn’t common. “You didn’t expect to see me? Seriously spence, am I that forgettable?” You teased lightly. Not in a mean way, but in the childish way you had done all those years ago. “Wait, years? Oh you have some explaining to do!!” Garcias chirpy voice sounded out. The rest of the team, agreeing in hums and yeahs.

“right..” he cleared his throat, again. “Guys, this is y/n, she is, was, a good friend of mine.” despite the sting from his words, y/n smiled politely at everyone, “hi, it’s so nice to meet you all!” you were ushered to sit, by penelope, and you complied, taking the seat next to Spencer. you, feeling uneasy about all of the new faces, stared down at your feet. Spencer watched you, his eyes not ever leaving you. Not even for a second. His eyes were trained on you confidently, but spencer was nervous. His face was flushed, even though it was barely noticeable under the fluorescent bar lights. The team all watched the two of you with knowing eyes, their reactions pleasant to seeing their genius yet awkward Dr. Spencer Reid having such a connection. Morgan seemed the most amused, giving Spencer a playful slap on the back “my man!!” He joked before walking off with penelope.

Spencer had laughed at Derek slightly, but stopped when his eyes finally lingered over you again. he looked at you deeply, his eyes caressing over your features, he couldn’t believed how different you looked. but in a way, you looked the exact same. your hair was just as curly, your eyes bright with that same spark you held when you were young. even though you looked a little different, you still felt the same to spencer. like warmth, like home. spencer must’ve been staring for too long because you had noticed, giving him a small smile, biting her lip hesitatingly before saying.

“hi..sorry for, intruding.” you whispered, a soft, but apologetic smile on your face. for the first time during this entire conversation, spencer smiled. This was a good sign, you believed. At first, when you had sat down, you felt the nerves rush over you. It had been a long time, and even though Spencer was the one who had left. You felt worried that maybe, he wasn’t as fond that you returned as he made it seem. You wanted him to still care about you, and you were worried that the love he had for you may have faded over the years.

“hey, don’t be sorry. im glad to see you.” you had calmed down slightly at his words, spencer wasn’t one to lie unless completely necessary. So you trusted he was being truthful with his words. Even if he wasn’t, to hear them was so enticing, you just wanted him to talk on and on. About whatever, his voice and his words were all you wanted to hear anyway.

Spencer hadn’t realized how much he missed that, the simplicity of it. When life had been so cruel, you had been his escape, a source of light in a house full of shadows. ‘Sunshine,’ he used to call you, but now it felt more like a warning. Maybe, just maybe, you were the one thing that could make him feel like himself again.

And that voice, spencer swears he could hear that voice forever and never get bored. he would dream about you, often. your appearance was vivid, but as the years passed, the familiarity of your voice started to fade. when he finally heard it again, it was like heaven. you always spoke so beautifully. it was purely angelic. everything about you was an angelic. and was spencer glad that you were finally back in front of him, and not just in his dreams.

the smile on your face turned brighter, you took a sip out of your drink. “so..it’s been a while.” You comment, not sure how to start a conversation when the two of you haven’t talk for over 10 years. “sure has, sunshine.”

sunshine. that nickname, spencer used to call you that all the time. he said you were like his own personal piece of sunshine. quite poetic for a thirteen year old boy, but then again, it was spencer. warmth flooded into your cheeks, a soft look of joy and nostalgia filling her eyes.

spencer looked different, his hair was longer, and he looked a lot more mature. even though his outward appearance had changed, spencer was still spencer, and you liked that. when the rest of the team, who had been lingering, dispersed amongst the bar, spencer calmed down.

“what are you doing here anyway, not that im not happy you’re here, but..” you laughed softly and shook your head. “I just started working a new job here, speaking of jobs, you’re finally the fbi agent you dreamed of being!!” you said accidentally, putting a gentle hand on his arm. “im proud of you, spence.” his eyes softened, his other hand placed on top of yours. he gave it a quick squeeze. “thank you, sunshine.” the quick squeeze, the comfort that came with it was almost breaktaking. you hadn’t felt the calmness that spencer’s touch brought in years. feeling it, was almost overwhelming. even though spencer was the one who had initiated the sudden touch, he still felt the warmth flood through him. your hand, even just the simplest connection had almost knocked the wind out of him.

spencer wasn’t sure why he felt so comfortable. After all, you two haven’t seen each other in years. and, as cliche as it might sound, it feels like you two never parted ways. you were always his comfort, a home, in a way. between his absent father, schizophrenic mother, and the torment he suffered in school from his peers, you were always the person he went to. you were his little piece of sunshine. and now that he’s an fbi agent dealing with his own personal demons, maybe that sunshine is just what he needs?

Spencer shakes himself from this thoughts, turning to face you more. he hasn’t take his hand off of yours, and you haven’t made any move to retract your hand. so he keeps it there, resting gently on top of yours. it’s relaxing. Spencer realizes he hasn’t said much so he makes small talk. “new job, you said? what kind of job?” he asks, looking at you. his eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips. you smile, brightly. a sense of pride shining through. “a bakery!! you know I used to talk about owning one all time!!” spencer does know. you were an amazing baker, and the way you gushed and smiled over your job, almost made spencer feel giddy inside. he grins, a boyish and familiar sight.

“y/n, that’s amazing!! you truly are the best baker I’ve ever known.” you laugh, giving him a serious nod. “oh you bet I am!! so, back to you. big shot fbi agent, hm?” spencer dulls just slightly. but, of course, you notice. you’re about to spill out a string of apologies for even bringing it up but Spencer stops you before you even get the words out. “don’t apologize, it’s just hard. all the..victims, and cases. I used to think I was helping people. But now, it’s almost like im just losing myself more and more.”

your eyes get sad, a sympathetic look on your face. you know Spencer hates being pitied, but you couldn’t help it. “you are helping people. you always have spencer, that’s just the kind of you person you are! but trust me, we all get overwhelmed and we all get lost in things we don’t want to. im here, yeah?” you comfort him with your words, it was always something you were perfect at. you could always solve all of his problems, even for just a moment, with your words.

spencer looks deep in your eyes, for just a moment. “you haven’t changed at all, you know that, sunshine?” he mutters, his voice deep and gravely. you shiver at his tone. you couldn’t say the same for him. “you are completely different, did you know that?” he chuckles, his loose hold on your hand becoming just a bit firmer, his thumb rubbing lazily against the back of your hand. teenage spencer was your everything, but this new, more mature side of him? oh, you could get used to it.

you stir your drink with the straw, looking at him, lingering a bit too long. he was captivating, you felt drawn in by his presence. You weren’t sure if it was the slight buzz from the alcohol, or the adrenaline from seeing him, but you could not take your eyes off of him. obviously, Spencer had noticed. he laughed, the deep noise rumbling in your ears. “Careful there, sunshine. you keep looking at me like that..I might just start thinking im interesting.”

you laugh, Spencer always made you laugh. In every situation, every scenario. “Well we can’t have you grow an ego can we?” You nudge his chest playfully with your hand. Spencer is slightly stunned by the sudden and unexpected touch, but he raises an eyebrow and gives a slow nod.

“I don’t think I can help it..” you mutter.

“Help what?” He questions, looking down at you, his voice low.

“Staring at you.” You say, playing with you drink, a ghost of a smile playing on your lips.

“Good, I didn’t want you to stop anyway.” He plays along, getting bolder as the minutes pass.

you blushed at his words, spencer used to be a shy and awkward boy, and some of that old personality had shown through tonight. but right now, when it was just you and him. spencer was confident, and it was different. a good different. it made you never want to leave him again.

but It was staring to get late, and even though you both didn’t want to. You knew that this was going to have to end soon. But Spencer was determined, he wasn’t letting you go. Not again, not ever. He wouldn’t let it happen.

As the night began to wind down, you glanced at your phone, realizing how late it had gotten. You stood, your chair scraping softly against the floor. “I should probably head out,” you said, a hint of reluctance in your voice.

Spencer stood with you, his hands fidgeting in his pockets. He didn’t want the night to end, not yet.

As you reached for your bag, Spencer hesitated for a moment before stepping closer, his hand brushing lightly against yours. The contact made you pause, your eyes meeting his.

“Y/N…” His voice was quiet but firm, his usual nervousness softened by something deeper. “I don’t want to wait another ten years to see you again.”

The sincerity in his words made your chest tighten. You smiled, warmth flooding your features as you reached up and gently pushed a strand of his longer hair out of his face. “You won’t have to, Spence,” you said softly.

For a moment, it was just the two of you, the noise of the bar fading into the background. Spencer’s lips curled into a rare, boyish grin, the kind you hadn’t seen in years, as you slipped your hand into his.

It wasn’t a grand gesture, but it didn’t need to be. As the two of you walked toward the exit together, his hand still resting in yours, it felt like the first step toward something you’d both been waiting for, even if neither of you realized it until now.

And for Spencer, for the first time in years, the world felt just a little brighter.

[mj0702]

Just one Night

“How this happen again?” Lucy asked her girlfriend pinching the bridge of her nose hearing you squeal in delight

“You were a pushover again” Keira provided watching how you reached out from your position under Millies arms trying to catch Jills shirt

“But HOW did we end up hosting end of the season dinner at our HOUSE?!” your sister asked bewildered now watching how Millie chased Jill around the dining table you safely tucked under the defenders arm

“Again... you were a pushover” her girlfriend said flatly considering if she should step in putting a stop to the mischief that was currently happening in her dining room

“I didn't mean too...” Lucy groaned “... she sprung that one on me”

“You really want me to believe a THREE YEAR OLD sprung something on you?” Keira asked her eyebrow raised

“Yes....” your sister sighed

“I left you two alone for 15 Minutes...” her girlfriend said as a matter of fact

“It wasn't me fault” Lucy defended herself

“Then what happened...???” Keiras voice desperate

“Last Training before summer break... check” Rachel panted happily flopping down onto the pitch near you which you immediately took as an invitation to shuffle over to the blonde flopping down next to her

“End of Torture Team dinner at mines today...” Fara announced making the squad cheer

“Nooooo” you screeched sitting back up looking horrified

“What you mean no??” Fara looked down at you confused

“No no... no is yous” you exclaimed

“I promised I cleaned before leaving for camp” the midfielder said knowing you always had a go at Jordan for being messy

“No no no noooo” you started to wail making Lucy alert who looked over seeing you distressed

“What's wrong Bubs?” your sister said crouching down next to you while you immediately climbed into her arms

“Fawa no no” you sniffed dramatically

“What did you do to make me baby sister cry Williams?” Lucy stood back up you in her arms throwing her teammate a dirty look

“I just announced team dinner at my place” the 33-year-old said bewildered

“Ah...” your sister said knowingly

“What you mean “ah”...” Fara imitated your sister being lost

“She knows she not allowed to team dinners...” Lucy said letting Millie pluck you out of her arms making you lose interest at the conversation instead of getting all hyped up again when Millie sat you on her shoulders running after Leah and Beth with you trying to catch them

“By all means... bring her....” Fara shrugged her shoulders

“It's too late for her....” your sister said watching how you laughed in joy from your place on Millies shoulders

“We can start early.... she's part of the team too” the older player smiled slightly

“You really want to start team dinner at 6 and be in bed by 8?” Lucy raised her eyebrow

“Ehrm... no” Fara shook her head a lost grin on her lips

“Thought so...” your sister snorted

“Oy Bronze...” Leah yelled across the pitch where she stood next to Millie and you “... team dinners at yours or at Faras?”

“Faras... why at mine??” Lucy yelled back confused

“Poppy just said...” the blonde pointed at you you spotting a toothy grin

“No no no no...” your sister shook her head quickly

“Dinners at Bronzes....” Fara now yelled laughingly and you threw your arms up like you just scored a World Cup winner

“Come on guys...” Lucy groaned “... we literally just moved in... we didn't even had the time to unpack everything”

“Dwinne as Wucy house” you copied Fara happily

“Dinner at what house??” Keira asked shocked just coming back from a meeting with Phil

“Ours” your sister mumbled under her breath

“Come again??” the blondes eyes wide

“Apparently we host Team dinner tonight...” Lucy scratched the back of her neck embarrassed

“Excuse me??” Keira asked flabbergasted

“You see.., it was at Faras... but... Bubs... moved it... to our place” your sister grinned carefully at her girlfriend

“A three year old moved it...” the blonde repeated dumbfounded

“Yes...” Lucy nodded

“I'm at loss for words....” Keira shook her head before she threating pointed at Lucy “.... YOU will put her down for lunchtime nap and YOU will cook...”

“I will... I promise” your sister exhaled deeply

“Come on Bubs... time for a nap” Lucy said as she lifted you out of your highchair “... after we get this tomato sauce out of your face... and hair...”

“Noooo...” you whined pressing your tomato sauce covered hands against Lucys cheek

“Yes... you look like a little piglet” your sister said as she carried you down the hallway towards the bathroom

“No naps” you whined louder “I is no tiwed”

“Of course you aren't” Lucy snorted sitting you down on the counter snatching your crocodile washcloth from the hook holding it under the warm water starting to clean your face “... YOU invited everyone over for dinner... so you need to be awake to greet everyone”

“I is wake” you protested trying to get away from the offending piece of fabric

“Your head just nearly fell into the plate” your sister stated holding your hands out of the way

“No” you huffed but accepting Lucy cleaning your face

“Yes... come on... an hour recharging like usual and if your good now I'll let you stay up longer tonight” Lucy said pulling your t-shirt over your head looking around for your pjs top

“But I is no tiwed” you whined again

“I know...” your sister said distracted “... okay no pjs around... wanna sleep in a jersey?”

“Noooooooo” you nearly cried “I no weep”

“Come on Bubs” Lucy ignored your outbreak lifting you back up carrying you into your room but not putting you down immediately instead pulling down the blinds darkening the room “How about we just lay down a little bit together and just relax oaky?”

“No” you sniffled your head laying on your sisters shoulder

“Yes...” your sister just said now laying down with you on top of her fishing for your nightlight “... we'll just recover together... you know how important recovery is”

“Yes...” you mumbled against her shirt “... vewy imsortant”

“It's still a mystery to me how you sometimes speak a “s” and sometimes it's something else...” Lucy mumbled adjusting her hold on you

“Yous sometings else” you grumbled wriggling around a little bit

“I know... now stop wriggling... sleep” your sister murmured closer to falling asleep herself than you are

You laid still until you felt Lucys hold on your loosen and hear breathing flatten out the light trace of snoring in the room before you carefully wriggled down to Lucys side remaining there for a few moments checking if your sister would wake up but she just checked in her sleep if you were still there by quickly patting around stopping the second she felt your body – all while she kept snoring. Now you robbed and slided off the bed like a secret agent on a mission toddling through the dark room towards the door. You quickly glanced over your shoulder before opening the door which was just left ajar and slipping out of the room. You waddled down the hallway towards the living room already a plan in your head waiting for Lucy to wake up by watching TV. You just forgot an important factor. You forgot about Keira. The woman that was currently busy cleaning the kitchen while she started to prepare dinner since no one would eat what Lucy cooked. No one trusted Lucy in a kitchen even less would trust her to cook eatable food. So once again Keira would have to save the day. Which resulted in you getting caught red handed as you pulled yourself onto the couch the remote already in your hand.

“Excuse me little miss” you heard Keira from behind you “... what exactly are you doing here?”

“Wafing Mickey?” you asked timid

“I don't think so...” Keira said walking over to the TV just pulling the plug out of the socket “... you have nap time... where is Lucy?”

“Weeping” you shrugged your shoulders “Wucy needs naps”

“Unbelievable... You need a nap too... come on monster” the blonde huffed picking you up again “... nap time”

“I is no weeping needs” you whined but alone the fact that you whined told Keira that you were actually exhausted

“Bits... you are exhausted...” Keira said softly “... it's written all over your face... you did a lot today at training... so much running... and you scored a goal against Maz... that's a lot for young Bitsys”

“I wannas helps” you kept whining as Keira carried you down the hallway again

“Later okay... you just nap with Lucy for now and later you can help me...” the blonde kept her voice soft and gentle “... god knows your sister won't be any help”

“Buts wanna helps now” you sniffed

“No Bits.... you're exhausted...” Keira said her voice low as she entered your room finding Lucy fast asleep in your bed her legs hanging over the end of the small toddler bed

“Luce...” the blonde said raising her voice a little bit kicking her girlfriends ankle

“What?” your sister shot up “... I'm awake”

“The fudge you are...” Keira snorted “... here... make sure SHE naps this time...”

“She was napping before me” Lucy defended herself holding out her arms where you immediately were disposed to

“No she wasn't...” the blonde chuckled seeing how you immediately try to free yourself again “... make sure she naps now”

“Yes ma'am” your sister mumbled tucking you into her side again laying back down making sure you weren't able to escape by holding onto your trousers as Keira left the room again

“Why do you always have to cause trouble hm?” Lucy asked you half serious while you continued to wriggle around

“I is no twouble” you huffed finally giving up laying still next to her

“Never...” your sister sighed “... now shut your oculus and sleep”

You just huffed hoping you could escape once again when Lucy napped (you decided she was getting old and needed the sleep more than you did) but this time Keira was smart enough to close the door completely successfully shutting down your escape route. So once Lucy softly snored again you managed to slip off the bed again toddling over to the door to find it shut a quiet “fudge” left your lips and you plopped down at the door considering if you just stay quiet in your room or if you should start wailing. You decided for the first option because you were sure if Keira had to come back and find you wide awake again she would tell you off. So you started to clean your room putting all your toys back in their boxes pushing the full boxes trough your room all while your sister snored her head off in your bed. You were a smart kid – at least that what your Mum always said – so as soon as you heard Lucy starting to wake up slightly you climbed back on the back lying down at the end of the bed making it look like you moved in your sleep. The sleep you never had. The sleep Lucy thought you had but... no.

“Did you two had a good nap?” Keira asks smiling to herself when Lucy appeared in the kitchen you in her arms

“Mhm” your sister just hummed opening the cupboard to get herself a cup for a coffee before looking down at you “Special Bubs coffee?”

“Yes pwease” you mumbled faking slowly waking up to not rise suspicions

“Kay” Lucy said grabbing an extra cup putting it down on the counter now noticing all the pots standing on the stove “Lunch?”

“Dinner...” Keira retorted “... since we apparently hosting Team dinner”

“I thought everyone is brining their own stuff...” your sister looked confused while starting on her and your coffee

“Everyone is brining snacks...” the blonde shook her head at her girlfriends cluelessness “... we have to provide Dinner... and I saw we're running out of drinks... so once you and your mini had your coffees you'll go out and get drinks”

“Drinks.... like... cocktails?” Lucy asked bewildered while she stirred the chocolate powder into the warm milk adding a few drops from her coffee into your cup “There you go... special Bubs coffee”

“Fhank yous” you mumbled as you got sat down in your highchair grabbing your special cup (plastic with small opening for less spillage – Keira swears it was the best purchase she made for the new house)

“You're welcome” your sister answered ruffling your hair turning around to her girlfriend “... like.. cocktails?”

“No... non alcoholic and wine... nothing hard nothing overly fancy...” Keira simply answers “... we're hosting team dinner not a royal tea party”

“Okay... so water... coke... wine red and white... beer?” Lucy looked at her girlfriend expectantly

“If you feel like it.... wait.. yes to the beer.. you prefer beer to wine and so does Maz and some of the girls...” the blonde went over to the stove stirring the sauce once again

“Okay... got it... Bubs you done?” your sister looked down at you where you nearly fell asleep with your cup in your hands “... oy... wake up... we need to go to the shops”

“I is wakes” you mumbled your head rolling to the side

“Bubs you just slept one and a half hours... come on” Lucy gently nudged you “We need to go buy stuff... and I'm NOT carrying you AND the groceries”

“Good luck with that...” Keira snorted before mumbling under her breath “Pushover”

“What on earth is all this????” the blonde exclaimed about an hour later when Lucy fell back through the door packed like a mule you happily yapping behind her

“Well... we need to provide snacks too... right?” your sister at least had the decency to look ashamed as she stood in the hallway surrounded by about 20 bags

“Lucia...” Keira raised her eyebrow hand on her hips

“Uh oh... yous is twouble” you mumbled trying to sneak past Keira who just reached down grabbing the collar of your Lioness Jersey

“I don't think so” the blonde said her eyes still trained on your sister

“Uh oh” you mumbled but didn't move any further

“Care to explain why I count at least five different Walkers flavours??” Keira asked not even bothering to point out the bag in question

“We wanted to offer... diversity” Lucy tried carefully

“I send you out for drinks!!” the blonde exclaimed “... so where are the drinks??”

“Ehrm... yeah... so... you see...” your sister stammered slowly walking backwards

“Get. Those. Drinks” Keira sneered “... you have five minutes”

“I need 10 minutes to the shops...” Lucy whined now standing outside the front door

“Then run...” the blonde snapped before slamming the door shut

“Now you” Keira looked down at you and you tried your best toothy smile “... won't work Bits... how did you get Lucy to buy all the stuff we clearly don't need”

“Cwing” you shrugged your shoulders not seeing the need to lie

“Dear God...” the blonde groaned “... may God help us all once you grow up.. come on... you can help me set the table”

“Can Is have cwips fow the ways?” you asked hopefully already grabbing a bag of Walkers crisps

“Put it down and get your arse in gear” Keira said already halfway in the living room

“I still can't believe you let her push you over once again” Keira mumbled but smiled seeing how much fun you had with the Lioness team

“You say no to these eyes...” Lucy grumbled keeping a close eye on you

“I'M the one who always says no...” the blonde chuckled “... oy... Millie Bright if you throw her trough room I'll throw you out... put her down...”

“Keiwa yous no funsies” you grumbled toddling past trying to find someone new to corrupt since Millie was too scared of Keira

“See... I'm always the one who's no funsies” Keira shrugged her shoulders as you tried to get Jordan to play catch

“You are lots of funsies” your sister said her voice low pulling Keira into her side pressing a soft kiss to her temple

“Oh I know...” the blonde smirked “... you still will share a bed with your sister for the next four weeks...”

“Kei...” Lucy groaned feeling her girlfriend chuckle against her body

“No no... I'm no funsies remember” Keira chuckled but sneaked her arms around Lucys body before she saw out of the corner of her eyes how you dangled upside down being held by the ankle by Mary Earps

“If you drop her and she hurts herself Maz... then you'll be the one fixing it” the blonde said not seeing the point of turning towards the scene “... also... dinner... it's already late for someone”

“I is wiwe wakes.... I is no weepy” you exclaimed loudly your head red from the blood that rushed into it being held by Maz in that position for a few minutes

“I don't care... dinner and then bath and bed” Keira said plucking you away from the goalkeeper setting you onto her own hip

“I cans stayws wake” you whined your eyes uncharacteristically unfocused “... I is dwizzy”

“That's what you get for hanging upside down...” the blonde said softly her hand stabilizing your small body as you swayed a little bit “... will be over in a few minutes”

“I is hungwy nows” you declared making Keira laughing out loud

“You heard her highness...” the blonde said loudly getting everyones loudly “... get your place... the little princess is hungry”

You sat in your highchair between Keira and Leah after the blonde immediately vetoed the idea that you sat between Millie and Jill knowing that it would end up in a sheer catastrophe and probably in a food fight. Keira noticed pretty quickly that now where everyone calmed down a little bit you started to rub your eyes more frequently your whole body shrinking into your seat and you got unnaturally quiet. She had a feeling before that you did all but sleep and your current demeanour confirmed her suspicion.

“Come on Bits...” Keira said softly holding up your plastic spoon with some pasta on it

“I cans do its mewelfs” you grumbled snatching the spoon out of Keiras hand with the result that the pasta (obviously tomato sauce) landed all over your jersey

“Uh oh” you commented your mishap looking down and suddenly your emotions got the best of you and you just started crying – full on crocodile tears crying.

“Oh Bits” the blonde sighed starting to clean the pasta off your shirt while throwing Lucy a look to do something “It's okay Bitsy... we'll just wash the jersey...”

“Come here Bubs...” suddenly you got lifted out of your chair and Lucy gently pushed your head onto her shoulder trying to calm you down

“You'll excuse us...” your sister said into the round already on her way to get you changed

“Wow...” Rachel breathed out “... that small body sure holds a big pair of lungs”

“Oh that was nothing...” Keira waved off starting to eat her own food again “... wait until she throws a tantrum...”

Spoiler – your tantrums got legendary amongst the Lionesses and Lyon. It went so far that you once kicked Wendi Renards full force against the shin out of anger

“It's okay Bubs...” your sister mumbled softly against your hair entering your room “... you are knackered aren't you”

“I is not” you cried against Lucys sweater not knowing what else to do

“You are...” Lucy kept her voice soft as she fished a new shirt out of your wardrobe “... we'll change your shirt and then you go night night okay?”

“Wanna goes teams dinnsers” you cried loudly getting sat down on a sideboard and your jersey got pulled over your head

“Bubs... you're absolutely knackered...” your sister didn't even react on your mood “... and it's past your bedtime already”

“I stays wake” you whimpered wanting to participate in the team activity

“If you're still up in 15 minutes I'll take you back outside with me okay...” Lucy offered a 100% sure you'll pass out as soon as she starts rocking you slightly – you were a Bronze tho. You fought sleep for the time being being competitive and stubborn.

“I can't believe it” Keira shook her head rolling her eyes “What are you doing?”

“She's absolutely done but she refuses to sleep” Lucy whispers over your sniffles carrying you back towards the party

“Oh absolutely not...” the blonde got into your sisters way “... you turn right around and get her to bed... you will NOT get her all fired up again with throwing her into that hiatus in there..”

“Keiwa” you sniffled making grabby hands towards her

“You wanna say night night Bits?” Keira gently asks coming closer until you could grab her shirt in your tiny fist “... that's very considerate of you”

“No nighfs nighfs” you whined holing onto Lucy and Keira for dear life

“It's okay Bits... Luce will get you to bed and you'll dream how you can get Millie and Jill back for eating your pasta eh?” the blonde nearly whispered stepping closer again so you were sandwiched between them two

“No...” you sniffled totally knackered

“Ssssshhhh Bitsy...” Keira kept her voice soft pressing a soft kiss to your hair “... close your eyes baby”

“I is no wanna” you whined but both Keira and Lucy saw how your eyes drifted shut

“Good girl Bubs” Lucy whispered hoping you finally tap out

“For fuck sakes Rach!!” Millie exclaimed loudly pushing her best friend over making you snap your head up again looking around confused

“I is awakes” you stuttered out not knowing what was happening

“Christ Mills!” your sister yelled angrily immediately pushing your head back into the crook of her neck hoping you just go dead in her hold

“Chwist Miwwie!” you copied your sister your voice muffled by Lucys skin

“Let's get her out of here” Keira said nodding towards the hallway

“Good idea” Lucy mumbled following her girlfriend since you still held onto her shirt tightly

Back in your room your sister immediately started the same routine as before and this time with Keira there too you seem to calm down much faster and not even five minutes later Lucy could feel the little even puffs of your breaths against her neck

“She's out... let's get her into bed” your sister said lowly

“Wait... I have to pry her off me shirt first” the blonde answered her voice just above a whisper as she started to gently pry your fingers open

Well – you wouldn't be you if you would just let it go the easy way. The second Keira had your first fingers open you stirred again

“No Keiwa” you whined again waking up again gripping her shirt again

“Seriously Bits” Keira groaned “... it's not the first time Lucy's going to put you to bed”

“Keiwa” you started to cry

“Come here you monster” the blonde sighed holding her arms out to transfer you out of Lucys arms

“Noooo” you wailed holding onto your sisters collar

“Bitsy” Keira huffed “... what's the matter?”

“No wannas sleeps” you cried totally overwhelmed by this point

“Just let's go lay down with her” Lucy suggested earning a lost shrug from her girlfriend

“Before she gets even more upset” the blonde shook her head

“I can't believe I'm being held hostage by a three year old” your sister grumbled looking down at you where you soundly slept laying on her while her and Keira were squished into your small bed “... at my own party”

“Well YOU suggested to lay down with her” Keira sneered trying for the fourth time to get your little finger to open and let go of her shirt

“At least she's sleeping” Lucy looked helplessly her smile pained

“Lucy... we're stuck in a baby bed not able to leave” the blonde rolled her eyes but she had a slight smile on her face

“We really are all-in with that parenthood” your sister joked adjusting her hold on you

“You thinking about it?” Keira asked quietly

“Sometimes...” Lucy said carefully

“What are your thoughts on it?” the blonde kept her voice low seeing how you started to stirr once again

“I want kids... two or three...” your sister hummed

“Adoption?” Keira questioned further

“Maybe...” Lucy shrugged her shoulders “.... or maybe... our own?”

“You want to carry a child?” the blonde asked surprised

“Ehrm... nooo...” your sister smiled hopefully

“Oh hell naah Lucia” Keira exclaimed “... I'm too young to end up pregnant”

“I mean... we can practise right?” Lucy wriggled her eyebrows

“Right here right now?” the blonde lifted her eyebrow looking down where you now laid in between them

“No... maybe... later... in our room” your sister smirked a little

“We'll see” Keira smirked back

And how they saw. After an hour Jill stuck her head into the room telling them that all of them would leave now not wanting to disturb you in any form with Lucy apologizing a ton. When the house was finally quiet Keira started a new attempt to free herself from your grip and this time she actually succeeded and she carefully got of the bed quietly back out of the room

“Night night Bubs” Lucy whispered as she “nudged you off her tip-toeing out of the room herself

“Fuck me...” your sister groaned the second she quietly closed the door to your room

“She was never that bad” Keira raised an eyebrow leaning on the opposite wall

“She'll sleep it off and tomorrow we can ship her back to me parents and have the night for us...” Lucy sighed stepping into Keiras personal space where the blonde immediately laid her arms around your sisters neck pulling her closer just standing there enjoying the closeness

“WUCY!!!” the pair heard your panicked cry from inside the room and suddenly a loud thud “WUUUUCYYYY!!!”

“Ugh Mary mother of God” Lucy rolled her eyes pushing burgundy away from Keira

“Go calm her down... I'm going to take a shower and wait in bed for you” the blonde pushed Lucy gently towards your door knowing you would just start to cry harder if Lucy wouldn't get to you soon

“Why is she up anyway?” your sister groaned annoyed

“Just hold her... you know that's basically the only thing she needs” Keira said softly before padding down the hallway “... see you in a bit”

“What's the matter Annoyance?” Lucy said as she pushed the door back open finding you tangled in your sheets on the floor

“Are you serious??” Keira asked as she exits the bathroom drying her hair with a towel wearing a oversized shirt

“She wouldn't calm down” Lucy defended herself sitting in bed leaned against the headboard you sleeping against her chest your breathing still slightly uneven

“You better make sure she's fast asleep when you bring her back” the blonde mumbled disappearing in the bathroom again

“I thought...” your sister started her eyes fixed on her girlfriend who made a show out of reaching for a cream in the bathroom revealing a part of her ass that to Lucys surprise wasn't covered in underwear “...you know what... just changed my mind”

Lucy quickly shuffled out of Bed you tugged safely against her chest making her way quickly to your room

“You better sleep through the night now Bubs...” she mumbled as she gently tugged you in again “... I have plans that don't involve you... so you better keep your eyeballs shut”

“Fuck Luce...” Keira moaned feeling her girlfriend suck on her nipple

“Mhm” your sister hummed low in her throat biting down gently

“Stop teasing” the blonde pushed against Lucys shoulder

“I'm enjoy...” Lucy grinned before she got rudely interrupted

“WUCY” both of them heard you screeching from down the hall

“She can't be serious...” your sister grumbled hovering above Keira

“Go get her...” Keira sighed rolling her eyes

“If we ignore...” Lucy started

“KEIWAAAAA!!!” you cried out

“Get her before she wakes up the whole neighbourhood” the blonde said but Lucy heard the annoyance in her voice

“Maybe just for one night...” your sister smiled apologetic

“One night Lucy... just ONE NIGHT!” Keira pointed out getting out of bed to throw her oversized shirt back on slipping into some jersey shorts as Lucy padded down the hallway once again

“Come on Bubs...” Lucy sighed deeply as she picked you up “... what's up with you tonight?”

“Wucy” you sniffed holding onto your sisters neck

“What's wrong Bubs” your sister said gently feeling the anxiety radiating off you

“No wannas sleeps alones” you whimpered pressing your face into the crook of her neck

“Okay...” Lucy sighed “... one night Bubs... you're allowed one night in the big bed”

“Really Luce... again??” Keira groaned one night when she entered the bedroom finding her girlfriend and you in their bed

“I promise I'll get her to sleep in her own bed” your sister defended herself her voice a tad whiney

“That's the sixth time...” the blonde huffed

“I know....” Lucy looked apologetic

“One night Kei... just one night” Keira imitated Lucy under her breath

“You love her too” your sister tried to defuse a little bit

“I do Luce... I love her like she's me own...” the blonde sighed “... but I also love to share me bed JUST with you.... it's weeks since...”

“I know...” Lucy huffed feeling how you pressed your nose against her skin sighing deeply “... sometime you're a pest”

“You're such a push over” Keira smiled softly watching how you got more and more comfortable against Lucy – drenching her shirt in drool

“I... can move us to the couch?” your sister looked up at Keira

“Stop being daft” the blonde chuckled getting into bed herself “Hand her over... you still need to get bed ready”

And just like that you got transferred into Keiras arms while Lucy got herself ready for bed herself. One night was what they said. It was “one night” for the next one and a half years. You didn't mind one bit. You slept soundly between them kicking Lucy out of bed more than once while you innocently laid in Keiras arms. Most of the time you woke up starfishing in the bed with Keira and Lucy sleeping on the couch in the living room. But neither Lucy nor Keira had the heart to actually pull through with their threats to lock you into your room if you starfish them out of their bed one more time. Even years later you'd climb into Lucys bed when you were nervous and anxious. Ona learned the hard way just how much bed you could cover starfishing when you were older. After you pushed her out of the bed in the middle of the night the third time she just decided to retreat to the guest room as soon as she found you curled up against Lucy. Sometimes Lucy wound you up in calling you a baby but everyone knew she was just as content with you laying by her side than you were when you were tugged safely into her side

[lukolathoughts]

Dearest gentle readers,

As a GCSE English teacher in the UK, I have taught Of Mice and Men until I am blue in the face. I know the text like the back of my hand. There is a scene/extract where Carlson takes Candy’s dog outside to be shot (spoiler) and the men in the bunkhouse listen and wait anxiously for the eventual gunshot. The tension builds and builds and builds and the characters become more uncomfortable as they wait. To demonstrate how this tension might feel, I would often show my students a video of a balloon getting bigger and bigger and bigger. You get the idea. Until it becomes so uncomfortable you can’t stand to watch it. You know the explosion is coming but there is nothing you can do to stop it. The eventual BANG brings both fear and relief. This my friends, is how I perceive the Lukola fandom at this current moment. Like a kettle whistling away on a stove that no one knows how to turn off. All waiting for the eventual BOOM of the gunshot that feels inevitable. It is in tarot, the Tower.

Of Mice and Men is also a great one for division. White against black. Men against women. Social class. Feels familiar doesn’t it in this day and age? Ironically, next year it is being taken off UK GCSE English exam papers for being too ‘controversial’.  A damn shame in my opinion, as it’s just as relevant now as it was in the 1930’s. Probably even more so. Anyway, in this fandom we have mainly the Lukola’s against the Jakola’s or the Jakeholes as I call them. This narrative was perpetuated by a certain creator after the festival photos of Jake and Nic emerged in August. Until this point it was widely accepted that Nic had been socialising with her ‘gay’ friend Jake and no one batted an eyelid about it. Until those pap photos dropped of a seemingly ‘tipsy’ Nicola staring adoringly up at her ‘friend’ Jake and scratching his arm. Hmm, weird I thought. Didn’t we just have chaos week? Wasn’t the fandom floating on air at this point examining Nic’s ‘drink your milk’ t -shirt and obsessing over Nicola’s insta posts? We knew damn well Luke was home from Italy and we knew he had left two days early alone without his homeboys and most importantly Antonia. What is the meaning of these paparazzi shots taken from the VIP area of the festival. Didn’t Nic just sign with CAA talent agency a few weeks ago? The gears in my over stimulated brain dismissed the photos as Nic simply being over friendly with Jake, as she is prone to be, despite him looking bored and uninterested in her, and I simply went about my day.

Well, we know the rest of the story. The New York stalking incident where a fan practically chased Nicola and Jake down the street. Again, sent to find them reportedly by the ‘creator’. The photos and videos emerged and showed that Nic and Jake were holding hands. It’s okay, he was just leading her away as she has little Irish legs. Now the narrative was well under way and the gleeful Jakeholes had started to creep out from their swamp. The Jakehole ship was rising like an infested remnant of an 18th century passenger ship, spluttering its way across the Atlantic. This is no splendid brand new Titanic, my friends. This is a leaky, wooden, rickety old boat that I’m amazed gained it’s sea legs in the first place.

This was then followed up by the real kicker. The Lukola fandom had been floating on air in joined union and rejoicing over ‘October chaos week 2.0’ as I like to call it. It started with Luke’s cheeky October 3rd post of Polin and ended with the sheer euphoria of BOTH Luke and Nic seemingly on route somewhere. Perhaps, together, perhaps not. But he posts his luggage at an airport! When has Luke Newton ever done this? Nicola then posts herself smiling on a plane and I swear everyone just about fainted in excitement. Oh, the euphoria. Only then spoiled by the stalking incident, which I am convinced spooked Nic and Luke back into the shadows. Then the second lot of Jake and Nic pap pics hit, and this is the one that really hurt. I remember my discord going wild and then me and my bestie wife (she knows who she is) trying to justify the weather for about three weeks in the UK. Not that it really mattered. Distraction or no, the stage was set for the most bizarre few months of my life and undoubtedly Nicola, Luke and Jake as well. What a mess. The Jakehole ship gains some traction and starts chugging away like Popeye the sailor man after too much spinach.

But we’re a stubborn bunch the Lukola fandom. Things behind the scenes were not adding up and anyone with a set of eyes and a smart phone could deduce the real story from Jake’s Instagram. And then like some magic glitter bomb in comes Antonia. Can you hear the song Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus screeching in your ear? Because I can. I had done a tarot read that morning and got repeated Antonia cards and most specifically the girl with the snake. My breath caught in my lungs, and I knew she was coming like some willowy Darth Vader with an axe to grind, eating a lettuce sandwich. I quickly jumped on You Tube and gave my warnings. I know it was inevitable. I know a lot of other readers got the same message that day too and I give some of them credit for that. Prepare the ship! incoming attack port side. Boom. I’ve really started to fear seeing bowls of pasta which is ridiculous. I think I have PTSD from pasta gate 1 and 2.

And here my friends is where another division happens. I can pinpoint it exactly for you. Antonia’s pasta video from a Rome restaurant that Luke had been tagged at an hour before. All hell breaks loose, and I mean it. I got a sick feeling in my stomach, not because I believe a word that girl says, but because I KNEW others would. People started jumping off the USS Lukola quicker than I could say, wait a minute, please just wait! There were me and others running around the deck shoving the band out of the way as the death throes of Nearer my God to Thee sound in a haunting melody. I could see the captain of the ship, followed by his foolish crew, letting the water suck them down whole. It was no use, they had jumped all the way down to Davey Jones locker while I still stood on deck, with many others, watching their faces disappear into the murky depths of the black sea.

I do not wish to give Antonia anymore power, but girl I would have been impressed if it wasn’t such a mean thing to do. There is speculation, Luke may have given her the video to distract from some things, that might even be a bit too delulu for even me to comprehend. She also had friends in Italy at the time who could have given her the video, including a dancer friend of hers. She could have simply saw Luke’s location and downloaded a video off the internet. Or she simply was there. I must come to terms with that critically in my own mind as a possible option. However, I do think if she really was there, she would have posted more than some woman making pasta. Admittedly, I am one of those people who like to take pictures of my food, and I bet my arse, Antonia is too. Where is your plate of pasta Antonia? Where are the pictures of Luke’s studio, his hotel room, his shoes? Any bit of evidence you are with him like she used to post incessantly during the world tour to prove her proximity.

We found out later that Luke was not at the restaurant that day. The man pictured was not the owner and just a fan who had a picture with Luke some days or weeks before. The next day after pasta gate 1.0, Luke pushes a bunch of PR explaining he is in Rome to film his first movie White Mars. I felt a lot of energy behind this from him, even if he didn’t organise the Deadline article directly. Antonia was punished accordingly and was in my imagination told by Luke, I will not like your pathetic grid posts on Insta for the whole month of November, so don’t bother. She didn’t post to her grid.

The damage had been done, almost like a tornado hitting and spinning USS Lukola on it’s head. But we were still standing with a new faction of die hard Lukola’s forming. Nothing short of a kissing photo or a word coming from either Nic or Luke was moving us off this ship and that is where we are today. The Lukola’s who jumped, what happened to them? Well, like ghosts of their former selves they spend their time walking along the seabed aimlessly between still wanting to be on the ship but having a new perspective of ‘realism’. We must be realistic, me hearties!! Luke is still most likely with Antonia (eye roll) and Nicola is with Jake (major eye roll, they have left my sockets). I talked a lot about critical thinking in my last blog and I don’t want to rehash it all here, but there is no evidence that Luke has been within the same breathing space as Antonia since last July. I do not count the dodgy Facebook post by Luke’s mother as any kind of believable evidence. No, I also do not believe that Luke’s mother has a beef with Nicola either. Anyone who ever meets Nicola seems to be sucked into her light like a moth to a Dyson hoover. I do not believe Michelle would to it to either Luke or Nic, as I have explained previously.

So, the last week has been a bit exciting for the Lukola diehard’s. Again, here comes another split. Crack, like lightening hitting a road. Nicola appears looking fabulous at the Big Boys premiere in London last Wednesday 22nd January. She was again dressed in black. I should have put bets on it, but I’d win pennies at this point in my predictions that Nicola would be wearing black. Now why is she wearing black again you ask, well dearest gentle reader that is the question, isn’t it? Why does she have a bottle of non-acholic beer at her feet? Why is her dress at the event raising eyebrows? I will tell you why: the Empress, the High Priestess and the Moon repeatedly. It’s as simple as that for me. That is all I will say, because the hate is real guys. I woke up Thursday morning to a barrage of insults. I had not said anything publicly on Twitter about Nicola.

Here now comes the death knell of my one remaining Lukola discord. I woke up to the announcement the server was being shut down. I took my Twitter private to stop the trolls and I thought it was a bright idea to make my own discord server, to hell with the haters. Welcome everyone else. Anyone who disparages Nicola in any way, shape or form in discussions of personal body issues I find disgusting. Talking about a person’s weight is vile to me, it is not acceptable and calling someone ‘just fat’ to explain away other things is abhorrent. We should not be saying things publicly. So now there the Lukola’s who believe one thing and the ones who still support Luke and Nic, but do not believe what they are seeing. That’s okay and we will not force those opinions on others. We will listen and we will wait. We will not comment on Nicola’s body.

There is one last split I want to touch on briefly. The division of the tarot readers. It is unfortunately the case now, much to my inner anguish. I started in this fandom listening to them and loving the readings. I had previously been reading privately on Harry and Meghan Markle (don’t even ask) and I was scared to read on Nicola and Luke because I didn’t want to know that weren’t together, because June 13th broke my heart just like everyone else’s. But these tarot readers were amazing, they gave me hope, and I truly admired and learned a lot from the OG’s. I listen and believe my spirit team implicitly and I will not turn on my intuition. I will not turn my back on Nicola and Luke. There is too much evidence to support they are together. Christmas and NYE confirmed this for me significantly and the fact that Jake got a job in Sheffield yesterday. Good for you Jakey boy, off you go and let the grown-ups carry on now. There are tarot readers who sadly stopped believing, they jumped off with the rest of the frantic Lukola’s and they keep trying to swim back to the surface, before being dragged back down by yet another social media post of the adjacents or paparazzi picture, despite evidence to the contrary.

You know who doesn’t have social media and her readings never change, and she stays true to her heart? The lovely Meghan on YouTube. She doesn’t know about adjacent drama, so they are simply not in her remit and her spirit guides do not address them either. My advice is to follow her lead and listen to what Nicola and Luke tell us, no one else.

It is okay as well for other tarot readers to have different opinions and I respect that, but as public facing roles with large platforms, it is our responsibility to be excellent role models to our followers. We should be supporting each other as women and not disparaging those we read on with our biases. Foul mouthed rants and calling Nicola names is not helpful.

In conclusion, the fandom is a powder keg. We are all sitting in the bunkhouse divided but ultimately waiting for the same gunshot that will snap us back. This might put us all back on the same page, all back to shipping Lukola where we started last year, or this gunshot could divide us further as all factions refuse to see or believe the truth. I truly believe we are coming to the end of this now and one way or another, the truth is on it’s way. We the fandom are the Tower, not Nic and Luke. One way or another, the tower will fall. One gunshot and bam.

[atzloverr]

Our unsaid truths - chapter 4

previous chapter - next chapter

series masterlist

cw: cheating (Y/n didn’t), past relationship (trauma? if u can call it that), food mentioned, Yunho flirts a littleeeee

pairings: poly!atz x reader, Hongjoong x reader, Yunho x reader

You had to admit that it hurt, seeing him after all these years. Seeing him was a harsh reminder. All those memories you had prayed for your mind to forget all came rushing back to you in a second.

”You okay there?” Hongjoong waved in front of your distracted eyes. ”Oh, yeah sure!” you smiled brightly, trying your best to make it look natural.

You told Hongjoong a white lie about having to go get some makeup-remover, just so you could be by yourself for a bit, and also flee from the situation that you feared would occur.

You hadn’t seen Minjun ever since that night. That night when you finally confronted him about the cheating.

You could still envision it so vividly, his collection of lies and threats when you told him what you had seen, read, heard. Seeing him now, seeing that his life seemed so unaffected by it, that was what made it so hard.

You looked at the time - you didn’t want to make Hongjoong suspicious by being away for too long - and you figured you had to go back now.

For every step you took, you looked around, making sure you wouldn’t bump into him. You didn’t care about that asshole, so why did you feel such a strong need to prove yourself to him? Prove that you were fine? That what had happened hadn’t affected you either?

No sane person would be unaffected by a year-long relationship ending like that, so why did you crave him to have that idea of you?

”Do we have everything?” you asked Hongjoong after the longer-than-usual walk back to him. You prayed he didn’t notice when you still looked over your shoulder every now and then.

”Yeah, I think that’s it!” Hongjoong smiled before the two of you started making your way to the cashiers.

These little trips to the grocery store that you sometimes accompanied Hongjoong on were some of the few times you actually spend one-on-one time with him.

You knew how much he meant to Seonghwa, so therefore he meant a lot to you too, before you had even met him.

You helped Hongjoong load the groceries, hearing him mutter something about how expensive everything was nowadays. You laughed at his frown, finding his little annoyed face adorable.

Everything felt fine, until you suddenly felt a big hand meet your shoulder. Your eyes widened, and your smile dropped before you could even turn around, because you knew that touch.

You had seen him approach in the corner of your eye, but you just kept your back turned, praying that he wouldn’t see you.

”Y/n? Is that really you?” you heard his voice say. You took a deep breath before turning around.

”Minjun? Wow, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” you said with that smile that you often used at work, that customer-service smile that everyone seemed to fall for. Minjun wasn’t exactly smart, so you doubted that he’d notice.

”Wow, it really has!” he said before doing what made you instantly stiffen. You hated the familiarity in his grip as he wrapped his arms around you.

”And you are?” Hongjoong asked from behind you, having just loaded the last of the things.

Minjun finally backed off, raising his eyebrows at Hongjoong with a smile. ”Haven’t told your new boyfriend about me? Wow I’m hurt,” he said, grabbing his chest and frowning. You were about to try and laugh it off before making some excuse about being in a hurry or something, but Hongjoong beat you to it.

”Sorry, but would you mind leaving? There’s a line behind you, and I don’t think they appreciate you standing in their way.”

You could hear that Hongjoong was pissed off, but he - like you - also had a big, fake smile on his face. You endured the last seconds of Minjun’s company in discomfort as he unfortunately felt the need to hug you again, and make some snarky remark about your new boyfriend being ’cute and tiny’.

You and Hongjoong stayed silent as you walked to the car, and the second you heard the rumble of the engine, you took a deep breath. You knew you had to say something, give him an explanation, maybe just an excuse.

”Who’s he?” Hongjoong asked, tone stiff. He was clearly annoyed. ”He’s my ex.”

You looked down into your lap, your hands fidgeting with the hem of your knitted sweater. ”How are you feeling?” he asked, and you looked at him in confusion. You had expected him to interrogate you, ask you when you dated, for how long, how and why things ended, why you would ever date such a guy, and so on. But no. He just asked you how you felt.

”Well, honestly…” you started after a pause. ”Seeing him really hurt.”

Hongjoong hummed, encouraging you to continue. ”I thought I’d be over it, but honestly, it was worse than ever today.”

You watched the road as Hongjoong took a different route, the one that took 20 minutes, instead of just 10. ”Go on,” Hongjoong said as you paused.

You sighed. ”Please, I don’t want to burden you with my past relationships. I don’t even talk to Seonghwa about this—” you tried, but Hongjoong shook his head with determination. ”You won’t burden me one bit, Y/n. All I want is for you to feel safe, feel comfortable.”

You smiled at those words before thinking of where to start.

”…I first met Minjun when we were just eighteen.”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You exhaled deeply when Hongjoong pulled up to the driveway. The little detour you took turned out to be an even longer one than expected, but you couldn’t complain one bit. You had told Hongjoong about your past relationship, how worried you felt that the same thing would happen again, how you doubted yourself, how you wondered if it had all been your fault.

Hongjoong listened as you rambled on, and you were so thankful that he didn’t judge you, that he didn’t call your worries immature or irrational.

When you were about to get home, Hongjoong said something that seemed to be exactly what you wanted to hear.

”You really are amazing, Y/n,” he said softly. You blinked in confusion at the unexpected comment. ”I don’t think you understand how admirable you are, and how much you really mean to all of us,” Hongjoong continued.

You were at a loss for words. ”And hearing that you’ve managed to handle all of this - all of us - even when you’ve been through these things, it shows how strong you are.”

”Hongjoong, you don’t have to say this just because—”, ”No, listen. I mean every single word I say. We all trust you, and you need to credit yourself for how well you’ve responded to our relationship.”

His words echoed in your brain as you entered the house, the only thing being able to break you out of the trance-like state you were in being San who rushed into the hallway as you entered.

He immediately took the two bags from your hands, rushing to put them away, before he returned to wrap you in his strong arms.

You giggled as he lifted you up and spun you around in his arms. ”Welcome home,” he smiled into your neck. Hongjoong eyed the two of you with a smile. Aside from your dating history, you had told Hongjoong about the previous night as well. 
Although you sometimes wondered if the others would be uncomfortable with such information, Hongjoong managed to assure you that that wasn’t the case. He made sure to express how happy he was about it, and how you didn’t have to feel ashamed over anything.

He gave you a knowing glance when San was hugging him, making you blush. You hadn’t intended to tell him the details, but he seemed to be able to draw it out of you.

It was one of those sundays that were meant for doing absolutely nothing, that or grocery shopping with Hongjoong, or helping Seonghwa clean, like you were right now.

In the morning, Seonghwa had left to go shopping for something (you couldn’t remember what it was) so he left you a little note, saying that he didn’t want to wake you up and that he would be home by three.

Hence the reason you hadn’t been able to update him about the previous night’s events yet.

You shyly brought it up while folding some laundry, and his eyes widened dramatically when you finally told him that you had managed to kiss both Yunho and San.

”Really? They didn’t pressure you to do it though, right?” he asked worriedly. You laughed, shaking your head. ”Of course not,” you reassured, making him breathe out in relief.

”But, I really don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way, so…” you rambled on, looking down at the floor. ”Are you sure this is okay? I thought that- maybe I should’ve asked you—” you got quieter for each word, feeling self conscious all of a sudden.

”Hey, listen to me,” Seonghwa said, hands meeting the sides of your cheeks to make you look at him. ”I meant what I said when I said that I’m completely comfortable with it, hell, I’d even say that I’ll encourage it, but of course, I don’t want you to do something that you don’t want to,” he explained.

You looked into his dark eyes, and you felt how genuine they were. You felt reassured, and you realized that these worries hadn’t been so present yesterday night, or even this morning. Maybe seeing Minjun again planted this seed, this seed of uncertainty and insecurity. You knew deep down that Seonghwa would tell you if he wasn’t okay with it, you knew that you wouldn’t be held in the dark, but the fear still stayed there, constantly existing in the back of your head.

”I saw Minjun today,” you suddenly blurted out. You needed to say it, just to get it off of your chest. Seonghwa’s face dropped.

Sure, he didn’t know all of the details of your relationship, but he knew enough to know that it was a sensitive subject to you.

”Oh my god,” he said, caressing your face. You took a deep breath. ”It felt horrible to see him. It felt like everything came crashing back down on me again.”

Seonghwa listened, sitting down on the bed next to the large piles of laundry (you didn’t know why Seonghwa insisted that you two always do everyone’s laundry).

”But then, I talked to Hongjoong about it. I told him exactly what was on my mind when I saw him, exactly how the whole situation affected me, and now—” you smiled. ”Now I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You sat back in your chair, putting your hands on your stomach. ”I’m stuffed,” you said, looking at the plate that you had somehow managed to empty of food.

Wooyoung looked at you with a proud smile, him being the one who cooked the meal.

Yunho sat at his usual spot, in between you and Jongho. Seeing him after last night, you almost expected him to be shy or embarrassed, judging from how shy he seemed when you kissed him. But as you met him in the dining room, you saw a big smirk on his face. The hug he gave you was longer than usual, and you couldn’t help but squeak when you felt his big hands tighten around your waist, fingers digging into your flesh ever so slightly.

It seemed you were the shy one, feeling flushed when he whispered in your ear. ”I’ll get you back for catching me off guard like that.”

”Alright,” Hongjoong caught everyones attention. ”We need to discuss the trip next weekend.”

Oh right, you thought. You had almost forgotten about their seasonal trip to their cabin in the woods.

You straightened your posture, listening to Yunho who spoke up. ”Everyone’s coming, right?” he asked, looking around. His gaze stopped on you, making you look away.

”We don’t know that,” Hongjoong said, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. ”Y/n hasn’t said if she’s coming yet.”

You suddenly felt everyone’s eyes on you, anticipating your answer. ”Oh, me?” you said, voice a little higher than normal.

”Of course you’re coming! It’s a tradition!” Wooyoung said, making you bite your lip in thought. ”Hmm… I don’t know,” you said, looking down. ”I don’t want to impose or anything. I know this is your thing…”

”You’re not imposing,” Seonghwa said. ”You’re a part of us now, and I’d really like you to come,” Seonghwa looked at you with his soft eyes, his hand finding yours and rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

”Yeah! It wouldn’t be the same without you!” Mingi said, his smile wide, already making you feel better.

You heard hums of agreement around the table. ”Well,” you started, taking a deep breath. ”I mean… If you’re all sure it’s okay.”

”It’s more than okay,” Yunho said, catching your attention. ”We’ll have so much fun! And trust me, you won’t want to miss seeing Mingi attempt to fish,” he said in a very audible whisper, glancing at Mingi with a playful smile.

”Hey! I’m a great fisherman!” Mingi protested, making you giggle.

”Alright,” you finally said, but felt the need to check one more time. ”But are you guys sure it’s okay? It’s fine if it’s not—” you tried, not wanting to risk being a burden.

”Oh hush now,” Hongjoong said. ”We all really want you to come with us,” he said. It always felt good to hear it from him.

”Alright, I’ll come.” 
San and Wooyoung cheered loudly. ”This is going to be the best trip ever!” Wooyoung said.

As the others continued talking about the trip, you felt your sense of belonging only grew.

Thank you all for the positive feedback on this story!!!! It means soooo much and thank you to everyone who supports this by reblogging/liking/commenting!!! Don’t be shy to send requests!!

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masterlist

[darksigns-exe]

it's delicate - noah sebastian x f!reader

warnings: swearing, fingering (f receiving) oral sex (f receiving) protected intercourse

word count: 4k

note: a little continuation of this thing that i combined with a request from @somebodyels3 hope this comes close to what you had in mine <3

masterlist | taglist sign-up

The party around you buzzes. 

It’s the end of the year – New Year’s Eve – and everyone is here. The band's place is stuffed full of all of your friends. You’ve had a drink or two already, just to curb the bubbling anxiety that has settled in your belly. 

These things aren’t for you, but at the same time you like seeing everyone. You haven’t seen some of these people in ages, and really it is nice to see some familiar faces again. 

You’ve only seen Noah for a moment. 

Things between you have been interesting since the encounter. Noah has kept a little more distance and while it had stung at first, you’re somewhat glad that he had taken that step. Getting that close to him had ignited a few feelings you had been very happy to ignore so far. Having a little bit of forced distance between you had given you time to reevaluate how you feel. Unfortunately, you had always come back to the same conclusion. 

The things you feel for him are just a little bit more than friendship. 

You can’t tell where he stands on the matter, but there’s a small part of you that hopes that he feels somewhat similar. 

You’re ripped from your thoughts by the sounds of commotion in the kitchen. 

The source seems to be an animated discussion between Folio and someone you can’t immediately recognise. It distracts you enough for Noah to be able to sneak up on you. 

He drapes an arm around your shoulder, sidling up next to you. 

“What’s he up to?” he asks, trying to get a glimpse at whatever is happening. 

“I have no idea.” you reply. 

You can barely make out Folio, and you honestly have no idea of what they’re debating. All you can tell is that it clearly isn’t entirely serious. 

“You wanna head upstairs with me? I have something I’ve wanted to show you for a while.” 

If he hadn’t sounded so earnest and things between you hadn’t been so off you would have made a joke out of it. Instead, you quietly follow up to his room. 

You know that he’s been looking for a place of his own, but seeing boxes stacked in his room still takes you a little aback. 

“Did you find a place?” you ask, pushing past some of the boxes so that you can sit down on his bed. 

The room feels so much colder than it usually does. 

Something about this feels odd. 

“I did. That’s what I wanted to show you.” he pulls up a page on his computer, motioning for you to join him, “I know you’ve been having issues with your landlord so – there’s a spare room that could be yours if you want it.” 

You sit on his desk chair and start to scroll through the listing. 

The place is stunning. 

Central, but in an area that feels like an actual neighbourhood. The rooms are spacious, and flooded with light. The living room is gorgeous, the kitchen looks to be newly renovated too. You know that Noah has already put so much thought into this, and really it’s a tempting offer. Maybe you would be less hesitant if it hadn’t been for that encounter.

“Can I think about it?” 

“Of course.” he gives you that pretty smile of his, “It’s just an offer. It’s closer to where you work, too, just in case that influences your decision-making process.” 

A small part of you wonders if that is part of why he settled on that apartment in particular. 

“While I have you up here, I think we should talk about something else.” Noah continues. 

You shoot him a questioning look, even though you already have a vague idea of what he wants to discuss. 

“When I came over to your place and you — got me off?” you give him a nod, prompting him to continue, “I didn’t want it to make things weird between us. And I think in trying to give you space, I made it weird. I’m sorry about that.”

“To be fair, I took a step back too.” you reply, “Let’s just forget about the whole thing.” 

Noah cocks his head to the side, “The whole thing? What if I don’t want to forget about it.” 

You swallow a breath. 

You can’t deny that you’ve been thinking about it a lot. The way he had looked up at you with tear stained eyes had seared itself into your brain. The visual of him thrust into your hand with nothing but pleasure had played on repeat in your mind. 

“I don't think that you want to forget about it either, hm?” Noah squats down in front of you, “I can’t stop thinking about how good you made me feel.”

He brings a hand to your knee, thumb gently caressing your bare skin. 

You force yourself to look at him. 

His eyes are so soft, and there’s nothing that tells you that he’d be upset if you’d ask him to stop this. He waits patiently for you to make your move, quietly watching you with a curious expression. 

You bring a hand to the side of his face. Noah leans into your touch, practically melting at the warmth of your palm.  

“What about everyone downstairs?”

“They’ll be busy for at least another hour. We have plenty of time. And if we miss the countdown, we’ll just say that I wasn’t feeling good, and you stayed with me.” 

He removes your hand from his cheek, and presses a kiss to the backs of your knuckles. 

He rises back up to full height, your hand still grasped in his. 

You let him pull you up from the chair. 

Noah mirrors your earlier motion and places a soft hand against your cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?”

The words just won’t come to you. The nod you offer seems to be satisfactory to him, though. Noah moves in so slowly, giving you plenty of time to move out of the way. 

The first touch of his lips against yours is so soft and chaste. You hadn’t thought about what kissing him would feel like. But when you feel the gentle brush of his lips against yours, you never want to miss it again. His hand remains on your cheek, keeping you close to him. In return, your arms wrap around his middle. 

Noah’s free hand comes to rest at the small of your back, and you can feel him toying with the tie that keeps your dress together. 

When you finally part, your head spins with the lack of air. 

“Sit down for me, will you?” he says softly. 

His hands slowly drift away from you when you take a step back to sit on the edge of his bed. A moment later, Noah sinks to his knees in front of you. He moves to take off your shoes, placing them somewhere off to the side. 

“Nothing you don’t want will happen. You can stop this at any point.” he says quietly, “We’ll only go as far as you want.”

You try your best to focus on the soft brush of his fingers against your calf, instead of the bubbling anxiety in your belly. 

It’s always like this. 

You want this – him – but when it gets to it, the anxiety to do well overwhelms you. 

“Hey.” Noah gives a gentle squeeze to your thigh, “Everything okay? You’re looking a little lost.” 

The concern on his face is unlike anything you’ve seen from him. You know that he cares deeply for his people, you included, but this feels different. 

“Just a little nervous.” 

“Don’t have to be nervous, sweetheart. I promise I’ll take good care of you. This is not the first time you’re doing this, right?” 

You shake your head. 

Maybe not the first time, but your anxieties had limited your experience quite a bit. More than a few partners had headed home again without seeing any kind of action after you’d gotten too into your head to enjoy it. 

“Okay. Can I do something to make this better for you?”

You look down at him, finding only comfort and warmth in his eyes. 

“Can you tell me what you’re doing? I keep trying to anticipate what’ll happen and –” 

“Takes you right out of the mood, huh? Well, we can’t have that. I’ll tell you exactly what I’m doing. All you have to do is lie back and feel good. Sound good?” 

You give him a nod in return. 

“Has anyone ever eaten you out?” his voice is surprisingly calm considering the nature of his question. 

“Just once, but – it didn’t seem like he enjoyed it.” 

Noah scoffs, shaking his head. 

His voice turns so awfully soft when he finally speaks up again, “Will you let me show you how good it can be? For both parties?”

“Will you?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” he presses a kiss to the inside of your knee, “Do you want to stay like this or do you want to lie back?”

“Like this is okay.” 

“Good, if something feels off, let me know. No hesitation. I want this to be good for you.” another kiss to the inside of your thigh, a little higher this time, “Do you want to keep your dress on?”

“Is that okay?”

“Whatever you’re most comfortable with. If you want to keep it on, that’s okay. You wanna push up your hips for me?” 

You do as he asks, allowing him to take your panties off. He’s careful, slowly sliding them down your thighs. 

“Put on something cute before you came here, huh? Got all dressed up just for me.” he speaks more to himself than anyone else. 

His hands roam across your thighs, giving gentle pressure to make you part them. 

“Spread your legs a little, darling.” when you’ve made enough room for him, he continues, “I’m gonna touch you now, just with my fingers.” 

His fingers slowly trail up your thigh. His touch is feather-light, barely there. You hold your breath when he reaches your centre. The tips of his fingers brush through your folds, until they catch at your clit. You gasp when he circles his fingers across the bundle of nerves. 

“Don’t be shy, darling. Let me hear your pretty sounds.” 

He keeps up the slow, gentle touch for a good while. Occasionally, his fingers drift a little lower, swiping through your folds again. With every pass, his focus shifts towards your entrance. You try your best to focus on him, but it’s already so hard to keep your eyes open. 

Noah gives you another warning before he begins to tease the tip of one of his fingers into you. 

He takes his time working his finger into you. The slow, teasing touch makes you gasp out loud. And, as his finger sinks deeper into you, you let yourself fall back against the mattress. 

“There you go, baby. Does that feel good?” Noah asks softly.

You whine out a yes, but Noah doesn’t seem to be very happy with that. 

“Words.” He says then, sounding almost a little taunting. 

His fingers still, as he waits for your response, eyes fixed on your face so very expectantly. 

“Feels good. Feels so good.” you choke out. 

“That’s it. Gonna let me get a taste of your pretty little pussy?” 

“Y-yes.” 

He presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh, “Thank you.”

Noah removes his finger again and a moment later, you feel him trailing a barely there line of kisses up your thigh. And then you finally feel his lips pressing against your folds. 

At first, it’s a soft little kiss, but then you feel the tip of his tongue dragging through your folds. He moves so slowly, that you feel like you could stop him so easily if it becomes too much.  

You shift yourself upwards, in the attempt to get a glimpse at him. And when you look down, Noah meets your glance with the softest look. 

You feel him smile against you, before he pulls away just so. 

“Still feeling okay?” He asks. 

This time, your nod is enough for him. 

Noah quickly dives back between your thighs, burying his face there once again. He’s so careful with it. There’s something devotional about it. His attention is entirely on you and your pleasure. 

You bring a hand into his hair, remembering how he had shuddered last time. 

Noah lets out a sigh in response, but shows no sign of wanting to remove himself. In fact, you think that he sinks even deeper into you. You can just make out the flutter of his lashes against his cheeks as he continues his efforts. 

He gives a first experimental suck to your clit before he pulls away again. 

“Think you’ll be okay with my fingers inside?” 

“I want to try.”

“That’s good enough for me.” He presses another kiss to the inside of your thigh, “Just keep making those pretty sounds for me, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

He keeps his focus on you while he eases his pointer finger back into you. When you give him no sign of discomfort, he returns his lips to your core. 

Noah gives the softest little kitten licks to your clit, drawing whine after whine from you. As overwhelming as it feels, you just can’t tear your eyes away from him. 

Soon enough, he starts to work a second finger into you. The stretch of it makes you sigh, and the grip of your hand tightens in his hair. And in turn, you’re rewarded with a moan from Noah. 

The careful curl of his fingers, mixed with the steady licks he gives to your folds, drags you closer and closer towards your climax. 

“Noah.” you choke out, making him look up at you. 

“Getting close?” he asks, “You wanna cum for me? Let me hear how pretty you sound when you fall apart for me?”

You can only give him a desperate nod in reply. 

“That’s it baby. You’re so tight around my fingers. I bet you’d feel so good around my cock.” you don’t understand how he sounds so unaffected by all of this, when you feel as if you’re about to be torn apart, “Come on, let me feel you. You’re so close, aren’t you?” 

You’re right at the edge of it, but something is still holding you back. You let out a whine, hoping that it’s enough to tell him that you need more. 

“Aw need a little more, sweetheart? That needy little pussy just can’t get enough, hm?” 

He brings his thumb towards your clit. The slow circles he draws there, are enough to push you over the edge. You feel yourself clenching around his fingers, as you cry out in pleasure. You’re suddenly so very glad that the music playing downstairs is loud enough to disguise the sounds you’re making. 

Noah works you through your climax with practised ease. The gentle praise he showers you with only makes you feel dizzier. 

Eventually, his fingers slow until he stills entirely. 

“You did so good for me.” he says softly, “I’m gonna pull out my fingers, okay?”

You give him a nod. 

Your breath catches in your throat when he pulls his fingers from you. His fingers immediately dip between his lips. His eyes fall shut again, and he lets out a pleasured hum. 

“Noah?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper. 

His eyes fly up to meet yours, “Hm?” 

“I want you.” “You just had me, sweetheart.” Noah says with a smirk.

“All of you.” 

“All of me?” the smirk fades into something you can quite identify. 

He rises up to his feet and for a moment, you think that he’ll turn around and leave. But instead, Noah leans down to you, placing a hand against your cheek. 

“I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?” 

Your heart is beating at a thousand miles a minute. Since the evening when you’d gotten him off, you haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. 

“Please, Noah.” 

His lips meet yours just a split second later. And before you know it, you find yourself on your back, with Noah hovering above you. 

You bring your hand into the hair at the back of his neck, to keep his lips on yours. 

One of his hands drifts up your thigh and under your dress. You feel his fingers digging into your waist. 

From your lips, Noah trails a line of kisses along your jaw and neck. You sigh when he sucks a pretty little mark into the skin of your neck. 

You try your best to tug his shirt out of his trousers, desperate to feel his skin beneath your fingers again. Noah seems to understand what you’re trying to do and quickly pulls his shirt off. He doesn’t return to you immediately, instead he moves to unbutton his trousers. You’re sure it’s just your imagination, but for a brief moment, you’re sure that his hands tremble just a little. He drops them onto his desk chair, together with his shirt, before he finally returns to you. 

You scoot back, making a little more space for him on the bed. Noah kneels between your parted thighs. You let your eyes wander across his mostly bare body. His chest heaves with quick breaths. You can’t deny the bubbling anxiety in your belly, either. 

Taking this step could change everything between you.  

You bring your hand to his waist, to guide him back to you. 

Noah meets you in another quick kiss, before he sits up again. 

“Can I take this off?” he asks, playing with the hem of your dress. 

As much as you want to seize up, you have to feel his hands on your body. And so you give him a nod. 

Noah helps you sit up, allowing him to take off your dress. You don’t care where it lands because as soon as your body is bared to you, his lips are back on your neck. His hands roam across your body, and now you’re actually able to feel the tremble of his hands. 

Noah kisses his way across your chest, grazing his teeth against your collar bones. You bring a hand between your bodies, pressing your palm against the bulge in his boxers. Noah’s forehead instantly drops to your shoulder. The groan he lets out makes you shiver. 

“Careful, baby.” he sounds so breathless already, “Don’t wanna finish before I’m inside you.” 

He shuffles out of his boxers, finally giving you a proper view of him. 

“Hurry up then.” You say, once again reaching out for him. 

Noah manages to catch your hand in his before you get a chance to catch him. 

“Don’t get impatient now. You’ve been so good until now.” 

He leans over to his night stand and pulls open the top drawer. Somehow you hadn’t thought about protection until now, but you’re glad that he did. 

“Better to be safe.” He notes as he tears open the package. 

Noah leans back over you, dipping down to steal a kiss from you. 

“Ready?”

You nod, bringing your hands to his waist. 

Noah remains focused on your face for a moment longer, before he looks down to where he’s working the head of his cock into you. 

The focused furrow in his brow makes you wonder if he’s struggling to keep himself composed. He takes his time with it, slowly working his length into you. 

Your hand remains on his waist, trying to steady both of you. 

“Oh—fuck.” His head drops against his chest, “You feel so fucking good.”

You wrap your arms around his body, gently coaxing him back down to you. Noah drapes himself across your body, burrowing his face against your neck. 

You feel his breath against your skin. He’s still for a long moment, his body heavy against yours. The weight of him eases your worries. He’s warm and comforting, skin so much softer than you had imagined. 

The skin of his back twitches when you move your hands. 

He begins a slow, steady rhythm. He rocks against you, barely moving away from you. But it’s enough for you. His lips return to the side of your neck, leaving what you assume will be a rather prominent mark. 

He sighs out your name, whispering it against your skin. 

With every thrust, he picks up a little bit more movement. Noah still doesn’t allow a lot of distance between you, but with the extra bit of leverage, he manages to hit all the right spots. 

You’re not sure how long you’ll last. 

The intensity of the moment is quickly dragging you towards your climax. Your belly already feels so taught. 

You can’t tell where his body ends and yours begins. 

Your name is a prayer on his breath. You’ve long given up on trying to form actual words. Between the moans and sighs that fall from your lips, you barely manage to utter his name. 

Your fingers dig into his back. Noah gasps against your skin. You swear that you feel teeth scraping against your bare shoulder. 

It’s a slow unravelling. 

Your climax hits you in slow waves, dragging you under like a current. Noah stills above you. You feel him release into the condom with a quiet gasp. His breath fans out against your skin. 

He stays where he is for a long moment. 

Noah’s back rises and falls beneath your palms. A part of you wants to keep him close like this forever, but you know that you’ll have to face the people downstairs at some point.

Eventually, he begins to pull away from you. Your hands stay on his body as long as possible. But once he has sat up completely, you’re practically forced to let go of him. 

“I’ll be right back with you, sweetheart.” 

He gives a barely there squeeze to your waist just before he gets off the bed. 

You don’t have time to feel shy about being entirely bare, as Noah quickly returns to you. You find yourself scooped up in his arms. Before you know it, he’s wrapped all around you again, this time with his chest pressed up against your back. 

There’s so much you want to say, but you just don’t know where to start. 

Noah’s arm snakes around your middle, somehow pulling you closer against him. You wrap your hand around his. 

He presses a kiss to your shoulder.

“So about that room –” you say quietly, scared to disturb the mood.  

“It’s yours if you want it.” 

“Gonna make me sleep in the spare room, huh?” 

You hope that you haven’t read too much into all of this. Every little touch is still embedded in your mind. The way he had looked at you is burned into your brain. And in that moment, all you hope for is that you’re not the only one who feels like this. 

“Can you look at me?” he says and is voice is so unexpectedly soft then, “Please.” 

Noah eases his hold on you enough for you to turn around. 

His brow is furrowed so faintly, “Would you want me like that?” 

“Noah.” 

“Please – I need to know.”

Just like you had done at the beginning of the night, you place your hand against his cheek, “Of course I do.” 

The corners turn up into the faintest beginning of a smile, before he dips down for a kiss. 

“Does that mean that I can call you mine?” 

The barely there nervousness makes your chest ache a little. 

“Only if I can call you mine too.” 

He breaks into that pretty smile of his, “I think this might be the best start into a new year so far.” 

And really, you can’t disagree with him.

The party downstairs is long forgotten. The important thing is right here in front of you. And as selfish as it feels, you’re glad that you have him all to yourself in that moment because truth be told, this has been a long time coming. 

Eventually, you hear the fireworks, but neither of you moves even a muscle. You stay here, wrapped up in your own little moment, wholly entranced by each other. And for the first time, you realise that he’s been yours for a while, just like you’ve been his for just as long. 

All it took was a little nudge.

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[yv0nn1e]

"we were born to a world with dead ends."

gravity — rafayel

summary: to be betrayed in one timeline, to find out the truth in another, and now, to seek revenge in the current.

pairing: rafayel x non!mc fem!reader

cw/tw: angst? mean reader, some twists from the myths and the actual lore itself.

note: an alternate version of my backburner rafayel fic where instead of falling in love with rafayel, reader gets angry when she realizes lemuria's fall is actually because of rafayel.

word count: 2k+

non!mc reader who remembers the excruciating pain of losing her life in every single timeline where rafayel was involved.

non!mc reader who, in the current timeline and at eleven years old, starts to get flashbacks of her past lives, not knowing what they were until the memories fill each other in as she matures. the older she gets, the more refined those visions become, until she reaches the age of fifteen where a rough vision of rafayel, her beloved, gives up his heart, and lemuria for this strange yet certainly unforgettable girl. non!mc reader who, realizes that she might have died at rafayel's hands— that lemuria fell under rafayel's sacrifice and love.

non!mc reader who, at fifteen, decides to walk away from the sea and from her dearest friend who, she now knows, had betrayed their people in their past lives. she goes to land with her aunt, finding solace in her passion for acting and the dramatics. rafayel had tried to stop her, or at least, get him to accompany her yet he could never forget the underlying anger that had filtered her eyes.

"you're really leaving? but why?" rafayel asked. he wasn't sad, not exactly. perhaps just a tad bit melancholy at the thought of his truest friend walking away, leaving him all alone to face the pressure of the sands and seas all by himself.

"i can't achieve anything here." she replies, the duality of the meaning behind her words floating above rafayel's head. she can't achieve anything if she stays right where she had always been after all these years, after all these lives: right next to rafayel. she will be bound to the same ending if she stayed any longer.

they bid each other goodbye, and non!mc reader was more than ready to start a new life. perhaps, if she stayed away from rafayel, if she had stayed away from lemuria, then she cannot befall the same painful fate that she would during her previous lives.

non!mc reader who physically and internally experiences the actual pain of the lemurians' sufferings in her past lives whenever she would get a vision despite the fact that she had already stirred far far away from the sea.

her aunt talia looks at her worryingly as non!mc reader sits on the plush of the luxurious couch, her hand in her chest as she took in deep breathes— each and every inhale activating that painful tightening in her chest, the same sensation of internal stabbing.

"did you get another vision?" talia asks, her soft and delicate fingers rubbing non!mc reader's back. the girl could only nod as she takes one last deep breath before slumping her back towards the headboard of the couch.

"how much longer will i have to endure this? do you even get visions like mine too?" non!mc reader chokes out as she takes a glass of water. her aunt talia visited her on set today. it had been long since non!mc reader had decided to live above water and join the humans. she's an adult now, in her twenties, and a successful young actress at that.

"dearest, you know i don't. we've spoken about this. you're— you're different." talia says in a hesitant tone. these two have tried to figure out the root of non!mc reader's visions, how do they happen, and why they're happening in the first place. but nothing. they have nothing. the only thing they were certain about was the fact that the visions are highly implied to be true. the tales and myths about lemuria align with the visons and flashes.

"perhaps, there is a reason that you, out of everyone, has been bestowed such gift." talia comforts, a gentle pat glides over non!mc reader's shoulder blades.

she could only scoff. "this is no gift. this is a curse."

non!mc reader who falls into shock as she stumbles upon a familiar purple set of hair on a tall figure during a banquet. could it really be— "yn!" her name rolls off his tongue so softly, gently. all so familiar and nostalgic that for a second, non!mc reader forgets that the man whom her love transcended one life over another for had been the cause of her impending doom.

"rafayel?" she minds his presence. he looked a lot older than she'd last seen him. he was a lot taller, his lean figure built stronger with grown muscles, his aura being more elegant and confident. and yet, she questions whether or not he had changed. "what are you— why are you here?"

he tells her that he's settling in linkon for a while. he says that he's got a lot of business advocates and opportunities to stumble upon the city as he pursues his artist career. he then reveals to her that he too had left the sea not long after she had gone, saying something about how the sea's weight felt a little too heavy under ground.

"does it really get easier up above the water?" she throws the question out rhetorically as they find themselves in a secluded seating area of the banquet.

rafayel wasn't dumb. surely, he felt the venomous tone in her voice or the unwelcoming glare from her gaze. he wishes it would be his mind playing tricks on him but the more he stares deeply into her eyes, the more he feels as though something was not right between him and his dearest friend.

"i don't really think so." he replies to her rhetorical question.

one thing about non!mc reader is that she isn't entirely certain that her snarky remark wasn't applicable to her. over the years, she often doubts whether or not trying to escape her home was better for her.

the both of them stare at each other. one pair of eyes gazing at the other's figure filled with confusion and nostalgia. wondering where he went wrong or if he had done something wrong. the other set of eyes staring in regret, unsure of whether or not joy or anger should control her thinking as of the moment.

the silence was louder than ever, until it was interrupted with that even louder ringing in non!mc reader's ears, that stabbing pain becoming stronger— probably the strongest she's ever felt as every fiber of her being was aching.

and yet she was too stubborn to let a slither of her vulnerability and truth slip past the cracks of her facade.

"i have to go." she tries to say confidently or rather, in a more composed way as she stood up, grabbing her purse and clenching her chest with her free hand which earned her a concerned and confused gaze in rafayel's face.

"are you okay? i can take you—"

"im fine, rafayel." she insists, pushing past him as he stood up to reach her.

"it was certainly something to see you again." she coughs out a fake scoff as she takes one step forward, only for a gasp to slip past her lips when her ankles bend, cause her whole body to not only pulse in excruciating pain, but to fall.

she feels the pain take her away from consciousness, a flash of white turning into a silhouette of a younger boy, his hair the same shade of violet as rafayel's, his voice more playful, as the image of her childhood in the prosperous kingdom of lemuria in a previous life takes place in her mind for a while, but the realization did not go unnoticed.

no, it does not get easier above water. as long as gravity exists, the weight of the world will always pull you down to the ground where one must acknowledge the truth.

non!mc reader who realizes that the pain she feels whenever she gets visions started when she left the sea.

she finds herself waking up in a bed of soft silk and fluffy pillows. this wasn't her home, the ambiance was rather softer and cleaner as the sun's rays painted dawn against the windows.

"you're finally awake." she gets taken out of her trance as she turns her head to the doorway, a smiling rafayel leans against the frame of the door. "you good now? maybe next time, don't insist that you're fine when you're not."

"what?" she's confused. she's never passed out from a vision before. sure, at first the pain was unbearable, but years of endurance has built her some kind of immunity or rather, suppressants that makes the ache less painful.

"you had a really high fever last night. what's worse is that, the tides weren't even low. we don't usually get that sick but i guess you're just a bit helpless without me, yeah?" rafayel teases as he brings her a tray of food and medicine. she stares at him in awe, that buried affection for him attempting to break past the cracks, but she does not let it go.

non!mc reader starts to see clearer visions now that rafayel is back in her life. with the added age and maturity, the flashes are longer and less vague. so when the moment a full vision of what happened during the sea god's ceremony played, anger resurfaces her mind.

non!mc reader who swore to avenger herself and lemuria, her beloved land. which is why, when rafayel introduces his new bodyguard, she immediately knew that she was the sea god's bride. that rafayel's miss bodyguard had his heart. literally.

and if it was what's needed to restore lemuria, she would stop at nothing to have it in her hands.

non!mc reader who is staring as the main lead in a new linkon tv series that depicts a tale about an ancient underwater civilization called lemuria. she could only laugh hysterically at her role. was she really playing the role of the sea god's bride? the sole thing she could never be in whatever universe or timeline she was in? oh how destiny loved to mock her.

non!mc reader who asks rafayel for help, feigning vulnerability and saying that she needed his bodyguard too, saying something about her old bodyguard going away for a while, even offering to pay double what rafayel was paying her.

non!mc reader who takes this chance to let her suppressed anger over the centuries and lifetimes that have passed out. it started with complicated coffee orders to fetch then upgraded to delivering her wardrobe, only to accuse miss bodyguard of practically sullying the dress with her reckless actions. in general, just treating her like the worst. miss bodyguard could quit whenever she wanted but rafayel had asked her so persuasively to induldge in non!mc reader's request since she was one of his closest friends.

non!mc reader who gets attacked by one of her visions, the pain stronger than what she assumed was the strongest attack when she met rafayel in that banquet before. what's more severe was that she could practically feel and hear the screams in her more recent visions.

non!mc reader who is sick and tired of suffering the regrets of the past, tired of carrying the weight of a future that is clearly telling her to take responsibility. so, one day, she flat out says to rafayel to do something about lemuria. to take his heart back, to end his people's sufferings. and yet, rafayel, like in all those visions she would see and remember, only replied with the same thing: that there would be other ways.

non!mc reader who damns it all, never stopping at one ask to convince rafayel to take his heart back. every chance she could, she would try to bring it up with rafayel which results into the man questioning his bestfriend's eagerness. she wasn't usually like this. she was never this insistent. despite the rejections, non!mc reader is thankful that rafayel was asked to be an illustrator in her new project because it makes it easier for her to bother him to own up to his responsibilities.

yn lets out an exhausted sigh as she looks at herself in the mirror. this costume was ridiculous, she thinks, as she analyzes the decor of the dress— the director said it would be a close-to-accurate replica of lemurian bridal attires. her top, a delicate yet structured piece, bared her midriff, emphasizing her poise, while bands of gilded accents traced the contours of her shoulders and arms. a flowing sash, transparent like morning mist, hung from her waist, its shimmering fabric embellished with ornate patterns that mirrored ancient symbols of wisdom.

fuck, they were right. it was close to accurate. so much so that non!mc reader starts to pity herself, thinking that the only moment she would have gotten to dress up like a true lemurian bride would be in a show, a fictional, unrealistic series that depicts the story of her beloved and the other woman he had chosen and would choose in every other life.

she steps out of the dressing room, the staffs getting the scene ready as the director yelled out orders. rafayel was with his bodyguard in a corner, discussing with the other illustrators what to do or add into the scene to make it more vibrant.

"it's a wedding scene, it's supposed to be colorful." he rolls his eyes, his bodyguard chuckling in amusement at his sulking. non!mc reader wonders how the producers even got the rafayel to agree to being part of the project. initially, she would've thought that rafayel thinks they would sully the lemurian culture and tale itself and yet, here he was, ever so passionate in the intricate coloring of the set.

"honestly, these people look like they're trying to disrespect the lemurian legacy—" rafayel stops speaking as he turns around, only to be met with non!mc reader in that traditional wedding gown. she looked certainly beautiful in it, he could not deny that. in fact, it looked rather fitting on her, as if she was meant to wear it.

she was currently distracted, practicing her lines with her partner in the show so rafayel's gaze goes unnoticed.

non!mc reader who has to poorly go through a physical and actual demonstration of how the end of lemuria was met because of this stupid show that somehow, got every detail accurately correct.

the way her limbs trembled at the set, the lines, and the impending remembrance of what was to happen after the ceremonial scene in the story. her terror was so obvious that her stutter and shaking figure immediately warned the director and everyone else that something was wrong.

the recreating of the scene in a different perspective terrified her so much, the trauma of reliving that kind of pain and watching it replaying in her mind. the fear was strong enough to trigger another vision, clearer than ever.

"excuse me. i'll be back." she manages to speak, immediately running back to her dressing room to handle the pain all by herself.

non!mc reader who has never told rafayel about the visions. the only person who knew about them were talia and herself. so one could only imagine the feeling brewing in rafayel's guts when rushes to open the door of her dressing room, only to see the actual pain his yn has to go through. all alone. all by herself.

it only then hits him. this must be why she had been so insistent on taking his heart back. this must be why she had left. why she had been so distant— why she acted the way she did.

she was angry at him. albeit, she was literally hurting because of the actions, the bond, the devotion he had sacrificed and given away.

his beloved yn was suffering because of him.

in every universe, he would give his heart to his love, causing him the loss of his kingdom and his entire being. in every universe, non!mc reader has to endure the physical manifestation of the regressing feeling of neglect and abandonment from the one true person that holds her protection in his hands.

in every universe, they were always bound to be met with dead ends.

[sgiandubh]

Prophetic

Every single time things look hard to decipher or farcical (and this is one of those farcical times), I remember a long post by @hardblazesong, dealing with BTS aspects and the intricacies of this cesspool of a fandom. I am yet to read something more clear and more bravely stated than the things she wrote almost eight years (!) ago, even if I do not necessarily agree with everything. Especially as far as SC's sexuality is considered and examined, for example - but that is secondary, to me.

Every word in this quoted passage was confirmed by what happened next, for example. And then, some more, if at all possible:

This is exactly what happened, rinse and repeat to oblivion. 'No one above D level status', with the odd lap dancer/Hooters waitress thrown in, for variety. Gross? Effective on the short term perhaps, to quench thirsty/insistent/too close to the real thing rumors and found tidbits, yet damn penalizing on the long run. MPC's dwindling subscription figures are testimony to it, as are the mediocre projects coming his way. And now he sorely needs a seriously good one to keep his rep at a decent level. You see, the entire kilt-cladded, warrior daddy imagery/fantasy is also quietly wearing off, as OL is coming to its merciful end. But believe it or not, S will survive even this life-changing experiment with fame. The key question here is 'how' and I have no definitive answer to it. But I am confident, and this Soroptimist approach of mine will always be my guilty pleasure, as far as S is concerned. Perhaps the only one, since the guy won't ever make me turn my head for him in the street. Not even sorry about that. But as I have already told you, I do like an underdog and know how to spot them, when I see one.

Now, as far as C is concerned, the 'low key thing' turned into the perfectly artificial farce we all know about. It is my sincere belief at least 85% of her Taliban Stan crowd is simply paying lip service to what they chose to believe and are constantly being reminded of by their trolling Sopranos. So much so, in fact, that it all reeks rather of Pollyannaism than critical thinking, no matter how brutal or self-assured they may sound. And at this point in time, with zero communication on the topic and C who apparently DGAF about narrative continuity when it comes to this, it's only fair to say more oil is being quietly, constantly thrown onto those embers of suspicion and legitimate, logical doubt.

As for going political, we all saw what happened with S's Gaza comment, didn't we? Case in point to never cross obvious red lines and allow your own emotions get in a mix you cannot control and which must not have been addressed, to start with. Especially when you are, above anything else, a media product manufactured on purpose for reaching the widest potential audience. MAGA Mommies crowd included.

Also, this:

Again, this is exactly what happened, and consistently so. Proof of this are the multiple times I had to excuse myself to powder my nose in the middle of a Zoom call or meeting, whenever my cellphone was blinking with concerned messages about this or that insignificant turn of an apparently endless, boring and disingenuous AF narrative. Shippers are worried and potentially even hurt every single time a Fitness Harem representative shows up on the roster. S knows that - how could he not, he is part and parcel of it? Trolls know that: in fact, this is their bread and butter in this fandom. And the reason this happens is an unnecessarily cruel and by now pathetic bout of schizophrenic trivia deliberately being thrown in, from time to time, for... eh... for reasons. Whether this is for 'protection' (complete quiet would be way more decent and effective, I think) or diversion, or remaining relevant, or even shits and giggles is entirely secondary, one more time. These allow to address all the factions of this fandom at once, using what are by now some lazy, well-tried and accessible plot devices (SM twisting reality, cheap pap walks, timeline innuendos, etc). Again, this is wrong and harmful, in the long run. It is refusing to see the forest for the trees and completely ignore the fact this is building the wrong persona and the wrong brand. Back to that sore need for a really good project I have mentioned before and own reasoning nicely tied in, thank you.

As for how SC feel about us, shippers, I suppose things are clear. I don't think they like us, and to be blunt, how could they? Mistakes have been repeatedly made, especially when it comes to projecting going completely, tastelessly out of control, the hyper sexualization and objectivation of both S and C (naively dirty fanfic, anyone? come on, we all read it!) and the liberties some took with decency, as far as C is particularly concerned. And by this, I don't mean stalking - that is pushing Covfefe Pics really too far and being a perfect hypocrite about it, when we know the entire faction was demanding proof, on many tones & in many ways and kept on pressuring for something along those lines to happen. To me, however, the most toxic part of it was definitely Jess' unfortunate drooling all over someone else's love story. It definitely had an impact and it was definitely been used as such, until it wasn't. The rest of all that obsessive approach are just spin-offs, but the bad seeds were gleefully planted there and then.

Before landing here, I carefully weighed in my options. And I chose to be primarily interested in business and legal paperwork simply because it so happened that an irritated reaction while on an Athens taxi ride prompted my arrival here. Then I realized it was the only way to bring something new to an already stalling body of public lore and keep it simple and real. What I did discover and what the trolls across the street chose to dismiss as trash is, in fact, evidence enough of the chasm that exists between what people are being served and supposed to gobble up, no questions asked, and a reality that certainly is more nuanced. This is what really makes me tick and this is why I am still here, while there are so many more useful and enjoyable ways to keep myself busy.

Rest assured, though: I am not going anywhere, even if from time to time life and a very strenuous job take precedence. I hope you can understand this. In the meanwhile, you have been so many witty, kind and warm people coming along my path, that I would feel like betraying you (and myself!) if I went away. And no, I have never felt more sure about SC than probably now, even if this 'SC' doesn't necessarily coincide with your own version of that saga.

Newbies can read the entire @hardblazesong's post here: https://www.tumblr.com/hardblazesong/678440162606350336/the-time-has-come-shipsters-to-write-a-lengthy?source=share

Thank you for reading this very long comment, summing up all the thoughts that nagged me while I was simultaneously translating and slaloming between my two mother tongues, while in Tunis. I am rather good at compartmentalization, you see. This post is also a clumsy homage of sorts to all the brilliant, brave and bold women, past and present, of The Shire, who have tried and managed to see beyond the thick veil of deceit this entire #shitshow is. The fact so many of us, across so many cultures and personal circumstances, saw the same damn thing and questioned it with integrity and wit, should be arresting evidence there are more things.

PS: I think we can all agree on the fact the Biggest Troll in this fandom is 'Erself, the Flip-Flop Blue Nailpolish Goddess. But that's a different story.

[eand47]

Chapter VIII | The Beach

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes/nicotine, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of loneliness, aggressive content, graphic description of violence, heavy angst, family trauma, mentions of blood, mentions of stabbing wound, mentions of broken bones, slapping across the face, heavy angst, mentions of death, slight hints of depression

Word Count: 20,2K

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NOTE: First I want to thank you all for the patience ♡ I now that it has been a month since I last posted a chapter, but I had a little writers block (and two more fics) and I wasn't exactly sure how I want to structure this chapter and what should I left for the next one, but the chapter turned out pretty long anyway, so at least next one will be out faster as I already know what I want to write about in it ♡ Just to add something quick for those of you who have watched the show 'Shameless' the house and the neighborhood where the ASL trio grew up is the exact same vibe. Also please note when you read the last part of the chapter that I have purposely referred to Reader as 'you' and not as 'her' as this is the first time where you have an interaction between her/you and Ace from mostly Ace POV, so it's not a writing mistake. I have some more things to say, but I will keep them for the end note as I don't want to spoil anything for you, so enjoy ♡

Twenty years ago

Walking into the house and kicking his shoes off the little kid with bloody nose grumbled as he heard his aunt talking loudly to someone, probably on the phone. Rolling his eyes the child tried to sneak in quietly through the hallway to go to his room, but his attempts were unsuccessful.

“Ace.” Dadan’s loud voice filled the house, causing Ace to roll his eyes. “Don’t try to sneak in, brat. I saw you coming from the window.”

Rolling his eyes again, the six years old child made his way to the kitchen. Walking in, his eyes landed on the tall overweight woman, who had a cigarette between her lips as always. Her curly long ginger hair was falling freely on her broad shoulders and her brown eyes were now fixated on Ace.

“Did you get in a fight, again?” She eyed him up and down carefully, waiting for the child to start speaking.

“What do you think Dadan?” Ace angrily scrunched his whole face as he looks at Dadan. Taking a long puff from her cigarette, Dadan just shook her head as she turned her attention back to the boiling pot on the stove.

“Go get clean.” She told Ace, who stormed out from the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his room. “Ah, Rogue. How could you leave me this son of yours, who is good for nothing.” She mumbled to herself. “This kid will end up like his dad one day.”

Going to the bathroom, Ace grabbed the little step ladder there and climbed on it to open the cabinet where first emergency kit was. Dadan had stopped cleaning his bloody nose long time ago as she got tired of him getting into fights every other day with the older kids in the street. That was why Ace had to learn how to clean his own bloody nose alone, along with the bruises on his body.

For only a six years old child he was quite independent mostly due to the fact that Dadan couldn’t manage with his behaviour and has given up on trying to discipline him. For his age Ace was a menace – too angry and grumpy for a kid. He got kicked out from kindergarten for bad behaviour and terrorising the rest of the children, for which Dadan was now stuck to stay home most of the time because leaving him alone would be against the law. Not like she did spend time with him, but in case someone calls the child services she must be around. It had happened once, they came to look at their home because someone’s mother from the kindergarten had called on the family, if you could call it one. Thankfully Dadan had connections with one of the heads of the social works and he saved her and Ace from being separated, but for this she must return him a big number of favours.

Sometimes Dadan wondered if it was worth it - yes, Ace was her beloved little sister’s child, but he had taken none of her kindness, the kid was a walking disaster and a copy of his father, the only thing he had from her sister were the freckles. That was why sometimes she was questioning if Ace would have been better off in some foster family or adopted by somebody else, but Dadan had promised Rouge that she would take care of him no matter what because it was her death wish. If Rouge was alive, Dadan was sure she would have taken better care of the boy, as Dadan herself was lacking all the mother instincts, something her sister always had and wanted.

Ace was a wanted child by both of his parents, but he would never know about this or even if he did, he wouldn’t believe it. He knew some things regarding who his mother was and how she looked, but when it came to his father, he knew nothing about him but that he was a well known and wanted criminal who died before Ace was born and from whom he has taken everything bad. As Dadan once screamed at him ‘You are good for nothing, brat. Just like the father of yours.’ These words have echoed in his ears since then.

Cleaning the blood off his nose, Ace stepped down from the small ladder and put it back to the side. Exiting the bathroom with a kick of the door, Ace went straight to his room. Opening and closing the door to it, he quickly locked it in case Dadan decided to come and bothered him.

The room was pretty small – with only a single bed and a small nightstand on the side and not so big wardrobe. Ace didn’t have many toys or books to begin with so the room wasn’t full of the typical things that other children might have in their rooms. Getting on his knees next to the bed, Ace reached with his hands for the little shoe box he has hidden under it. Inside the box was filled with things he had stolen from other children – Hot Wheels, which Dadan would never buy him until he would learn to behave and because of it Ace took it in his own hands to find a way to have them, some Lego pieces and his most recent and treasured of them all – an iPod with a pair of headphones.

Ace stole the iPod two day ago, from some teenage girl at the nearby park. He saw how she and her friends weren’t paying attention to their surroundings so the moment he spotted the iPod in the side pocket of her bag he was determined to have it. Walking closer to them he tripped on purpose and started to “cry” to which the girls immediately jumped to help him as who wouldn’t help a little adorable kid like him. While the girls were trying to cheer him up, he used the time to ask them for an ice cream and all four of them were quick to jump and run to buy him one, leaving all their belongings on the side. By the time they were back, Ace had left with the iPod and the headphones. The girl, from whom he has stolen the iPod, didn’t realise that it was missing until she was on her way home, but even then, it didn’t cross her mind that it was Ace who had stolen it, and it was probably her who dropped it somewhere.

The only problem that Ace had now was that the iPod was almost out of battery, and he didn’t have any charger for it, nor he was sure of how to charge it. Asking Dadan would lead to a fight with her, and she wasn’t very good with electronics so he must find a solution on his own. Placing the headphones on his head Ace started going through the songs on the iPod, luckily for him, the girl from who he stole it had a lot of songs on it, but not all of them matched his taste.

Music has always calmed him, and it also made him feel connected to his mom. He had seen many pictures of her holding a guitar while singing, once on a very old video tape he even heard her singing. His mother had a beautiful and melodic voice, one he could listen to for hours. Sometimes while listening to music Ace would catch himself singing along or humming the song he was currently listening to, which was very comforting for him. Not only he found something to connect with his mother, but also something that gave him the peace of mind.

Laying down on the bed with the headphones on his ears and some song he has never heard before, Ace closed his eyes, a deep exhale coming out of his chest into the air. The song was very old compared to the other ones on the iPod, which were more modern and with more fasten rhythm, but this one was slow and sensual.

Say my name Sun shines through the rain Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?

Listening closely to the lyrics, Ace was tapping with his finger on the bed following the rhythm of the song. He wasn’t a fan of love songs at all, let alone a love ballad, but there was something catchy about this one.

A whole life so lonely And then come and ease the pain I don't wanna lose this feelin', oh

Ace never knew what affection or love was. Dadan was never gentle with him nor affectionate, she was there for him to provide what he needed the most which was a roof over his head and a meal on the table. She had said it to him – “Don’t mistake me for a mother, I ain’t one.” And this has stuck with him since then. He has never ever even received a hug from her, not even on his birthday. Until he was four years old, Ace didn’t even know when his birthday was. One day he just woke up and was met with a cake in the kitchen and a ‘Happy Birthday, brat’ from Dadan and that was it, since that day he knew when his birthday was, but it was never something special, it was never something worth celebrating in their household.

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling

A single tear ran down his round cheek and he was quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand. Ace never cries. He couldn’t and shouldn’t – ‘big strong men don’t cry’, that was what he was told. And he was one - a big strong man, in the body of a six years old child who craved nothing but some affection. A child which needed someone to wrap their arms around his tiny form and tell him that everything would be alright.

The song was at its final chorus when Ace heard a loud banging on the door. He sat straight in the bed immediately as he heard Dadan voice.

“What are you doing locked there, brat? Open the door immediately.” Her loud and raspy voice from all the cigarettes she has smoked echoed through the house. Removing the headphones from his head, Ace hid them and the iPod under his pillow. Jumping out of bed quickly he went and unlocked the door, opening it with one swift move.

“What do you want Dadan?” The little boy asked with an angry voice and frown brows.

“Dinner’s ready. Come downstairs – Dogra and Magra are home now, and we have something important to speak about.” She said and left without waiting for response from the child. Closing the door once again, Ace made sure to put back the iPod in the box under his bed.

Going downstairs into the kitchen, Dogara – a short skinny bald man with a clean shaved face and Magra – a tall very muscular man with a long mustache and bright red hair shaved on both sides. leaving only some hair in the middle, were sitting on the round table. They were living with him and Dadan, since Ace could remember, so they were practically a family. Ace took his usual sit next to Dogara and waited for Dadan to place the food on the table.

Placing the pot of stew in the middle of the table, Dadan filled her and Ace’s plate and Dogara and Magara did the same. Ace tried reaching with his hand for some bread and Dogara saw his struggle to reached it, so he handed it to him easily.

“There you go, Ace.” He said with a smile as Ace snatched the loaf from his hands.

“Say thanks, brat.” Dadan was quick to scoff the little boy as he was lacking all kind of manners. He only rolled his eyes to her and took a big bite of the bread not carrying about what he was being told.

The adults on the table were having a conversation while Ace was just focused on his food not paying attention to whatever they were walking about.

“Listen, Ace.” Dadan’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Moving his eyes from his plate to her, Ace fixed his gaze on Dadan. “From next month you are going to pre-school and this time you will behave, okay! You heard me clearly, brat?” She gave him a stern look which was met with Ace’s unbothered eyes. “Also, Garp came by two days ago. We are going to foster a kid your age from next week, which means you both are going to pre-school, and you are also going to share your room with him.”

Hearing this Ace whole face scrunched with anger. Why should he share? Why was Dadan fostering another kid when she was barely paying any attention to Ace? Why wasn’t he enough?

“I’m not sharing my room.” He yelled angrily at her as he dropped his spoon in the plate splashing some of the food around the table and on the floor.

“You have no saying in this, brat. Dogara and Magra are going to buy and build a bunk bed tomorrow in your room so make sure to clean around the shit you have.” Dadan had no choice but to raise her voice at him a bit, as he was stubborn as aways, never making things easy for her.

The chair on which Ace sat made a loud quacking noise on the floor as Ace pulled it away from the table and jumped off it, storming out from the kitchen. ‘Stupid Dadan, stupid house and stupid kid’ He was murmuring to himself as he was running up the stairs and going straight to his room. Closing the door shut after himself and locking it, he ran to the bed and pulled out the box under it, taking the iPod off it. Placing the headphones over his head and laying on the bed, he played the old ballad love song. Ace closed his eyes and turned around burring his face in the pillow, biting on it he tried his best not to let the tears fall from his eyes as his little fists were clenching the bedsheets. Soon the room was filled with the sound on his quiet sobs. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to have to share when he barely had anything to begin with. It wasn’t fair for another kid to come and live with them when Dadan didn’t even want Ace in a first place or did she only feel this way about Ace? Did she only not want Ace? Why didn’t she want him in a fist place? They shared the same blood after all. He was her sister’s child, she was his aunt – why was she never nice and loving towards him? Ace knew that he was very bad behaving child, and he didn’t like this, but at the same time he couldn’t help it, because it was only then when Dadan would pay him any attention. It was only then when he could get any attention from her. Ace didn’t want much, he only wished to feel wanted by someone, anyone. Yet, this wish seemed to be impossible.

‘You are good for nothing.’ The words echoed through the child’s mind again. Was this true? Was he never going to be good at something? Was he going to cause trouble all his life? Was he never going to find someone to love and accept him with all his flaws – not even a friend? Would he ever find a friend in this world? Why was he cursed to be all by himself and lonely?

A year later

Laughter filled the house when the two young boys burst in it after their first day in school. Kicking their shoes on the side and ready to run upstairs they were interrupted by Dadan’s voice calling them from the living room. With a groan the two kids followed the voice and walked in the room only to see her sitting on the very old and worn-out couch, but to their surprise next to her on it was sitting a little boy no older than three years old, with a runny nose and eyes filled with tears. Both Ace and Sabo looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

“This is Luffy, and he will be part of the family from now on, come on Luffy introduce yourself.” Hearing her voice being almost tender Ace was taken aback by the fact that Dadan could be this gentle towards a child. Not only the softness in her voice but also the way she was caressing the child’s back so gently made his eyes widen. She has never been this tender with him nor he could remember if she has. He has seen some of her calmer side with Sabo, but never this gentle, never this carrying. “It’s okay, Luffy. They will be nice towards you.” She encouraged the little child to look up and speak to the two older children. With a trembling lip he finally gained the courage to look up at them and as he was parting his lips to introduce himself, Luffy got interrupted.

“What the hell, Dadan?” Ace angry voice filled up the room.

“Watch your tongue, brat.” Dadan yelled at him with a warning tone.

“Why are you fostering another kid?” Ace’s little fists squeezed and his brows frowned as his eyes were moving between Dadan and the cry baby next to her. He might have been only seven, but Ace knew how much they were struggling financially and that they were barely making the ends, with this kid around the house this was only going to worsen things even more.

 “None of your concern, brat.” She cut him off and turned again to Luffy. “Come on now, don’t mind those two, especially the brat one.” Dadan side-eyed Ace with a warn in her eyes to behave.

“I-I’m Luffy a-and I-I’m three years old.” Said the little boy with hair as black and messy as Ace’s. Even his eyes were a similar colour to his, if they were to stand next to each other, someone might mistake them for brothers. Dadan clapped with her hands and congratulated Luffy for being brave by introducing himself.

“Now you two.” Her tone completely changed for Ace and Sabo.

“Hey Luffy, my name is Sabo, and this here is Ace.” Sabo, the blonde boy who Dadan took in her home a year ago, smiled at Luffy and pointed with his thumb towards Ace who just scowled at Luffy. “We are both seven years old and we just started elementary school.”

If Ace was a grumpy menace, then Sabo was almost the same – he was just smart enough to hid it from Dadan and other adults around, in front of them he was just a sweet polite child, which even in their household was barely receiving a “no”.

To everyone’s surprise it didn’t take long for Ace and Sabo to get along, in fact they were the same when in came to mischiefs, but it was mostly Ace who was taking the blame for it. Sabo usually would get a scold while Ace would get scold and yelled at the same time. But Ace was telling himself that this was okay, after all he was carrying the cross of the black sheep in the family on his back.

“Luffy is going to sleep in your room. We al-”

“What? There isn’t any space left, you old hag.” Ace yelled and got closer to Dadan and Luffy.

“Who are you calling an old hag, you brat.” Dadan yelled back at him and got up from the couch. Her tall form casting a shadow over Ace, but he didn’t even flinch, this encounter between them was something typical.

“This cry baby is not allowed in my room.” His eyes moved to Luffy who was looking at him with widen tearily eyes and then back to the angry woman in front of him. Turning around angrily, Ace stormed out of the room.

“This is not your room only, brat.” Dadan yelled after him. “Sabo, take Luffy with you and show him the room.” She turned then to Sabo as she grabbed Luffy’s small hand and made him stand up from the couch. Sabo just nodded and took the little kid’s hand in his and lead him upstairs to their room.

Entering the room both Sabo and Luffy’s eyes widen from the sight in front of them – the bedsheets and the pillow on the bed, which was placed next to the window and prepared for Luffy, were torn apart and threw on the ground. Kicking the pillow right in Luffy’s face Ace stepped closer to him, his eyes full of rage.

 “You are not welcomed here little shit, keep this in mind.”

Nine years later

It was a nice warm autumn day and music was blasting from the garage and could be heard from any corner of the streets. The two sixteen years old boys were playing music in there – Sabo, now grown up, his face slowly changing into more mature one but still very boyish, covered with some acne spots on his chin and cheeks, something typical for this age, was hitting the drums, while his brother Ace, who like Sabo has grown so much in the past almost ten years, now taller, but with face a little bit more boyish than Sabo’s, attitude still the same but now a little bit under control, was playing the guitar.

“Hey, hey Ace.” Sabo yelled at his brother who continue playing some melody on his guitar. Hearing his yelling Ace stopped and focused his attention on him. “When is Law coming? Wasn’t he supposed to be here like an hour ago?”

Law was Ace’s classmate and best friend who also taught him how to play the guitar, which lead to them three playing together in the garage almost everyday now. Ace’s brows knitted as he looked at his watch, it was true, his friend was supposed to be here by now.

“Ye, I’ll text him.” Pulling the broken screen phone from his pocket, Ace started typing with one hand while with the other he was holding his guitar. “He said he is on his w-” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw his little brother Luffy running in full speed towards the house and storming in, while holding his left cheek like he was hurt. Looking over his shoulder at Sabo to make sure that he saw the same thing as him, the two brothers exchanged confused looks as Luffy aways comes to them first thing first when he comes back home from school or anywhere in general.

“Should we check?” They both said at the same time. With just a nod Ace removed the guitar from his shoulders and Sabo dropped the drumsticks and they ran inside the house.

“Luffy.” Ace screamed as they entered their shared room, but their little brother was no where to be seen.

“Maybe he is in the bathroom.” Sabo placed his hand on Ace’s shoulder and pointed with his head towards the end of the hallway. The two boys made their way to the bathroom door and heard the water running. “Hey, Luffy. Everything okay?” Knocking on the door, Sabo waited for his response, but nothing came.

“Luffy, come on. Say something, we know you are here.” Ace leaned on the wall next to the doorcase as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his brother’s response.

“G-go away. Both of you.” A trembling voice yelled from the other side of the door. The two older brothers rolled back their shoulders and straighten their postures as they heard the voice filled with pain.

“Yo, yo Luffy. What the fuck is going on?” Ace raised his voice as he wasn’t the most patient person to exist. Sabo hit him on the chest with the back of his hand as his blue eyes shoot at his brother’s deep brown ones with a warning look telling him without words to calm down.

“Come on, Lu. Did you get beaten up at school again?” Sabo softly chuckled. Sometimes some of the older kids in his school bullied him in school, for which Sabo and Ace made fun of him from time to time, but they were also ready to back him up if he just said so. “Open the door, we won’t make fun of you.”

“Much.” Ace added with a smirk which caused Sabo to snort, but he was quick to compose himself.

“No, Luffy don’t listen to Ace.”

“Ye, Lu. I was messing with you.” Ace’s voice became a little softer now as he tried to assure his brother to come out and speak with them.

“Go away.” Luffy screamed again, but this time the sob that escaped his lips was heard by his brothers.

“Luffy, if you don’t open this door I will.” Ace warned him as his patience was wearing thin.

“And so, will I.” Sabo added.

One of the doors in the hallway opened and from it came out Dogara – still short and bald, he looked at the guys in disbelief.

“What are you three yelling about this time?” He screamed at the two boys who were ignoring him. “I’m talking to you two.” He screamed again as he walked closer to them.

“Shut up.” The two brothers, now so much taller than Dogara, screamed in unison causing the short man to flinch.

“I’m telling Dadan.” He murmured going back to his room determined to call their foster-mother.

“Luffy this is the last warning, open the door or we will.” This time it was Sabo who warned the youngest of them three.

“I’m fine. P-please, go away.” Tears were falling down from Luffy’s eyes mixing with the blood coming from under his left eye. The twelve years old kid was trying to find something to stich himself from the first aid kit they had in the bathroom, but luck wasn’t on his side so the only things left in the kit were some bandages and plasters, none of which would help ease the pain or stich the knife cut under his eye.

Luffy didn’t want his older brothers to see this, because he knew they would go and do something crazy and bad to the person who did this to him, especially Ace. Ace was always the one who jumped head first when it came to protecting his younger brothers, even if he was only a few months older than Sabo, Ace was considered by them as their big brother as he was always the one to jump and protect them no matter the situation or if they were in fact the one who did wrong, he was always there for them. He was always there for the people he loved and cared for, even if he wasn’t the best in expressing his love and affection with words, he aways made sure to prove it by actions.

The two brothers on the other side of the door exchange a quick look with a nodded and with one kick at the door, which has received many kicks since the three of them have been living in here, opened wide. Luffy immediately tried to hide his face, but it was too late. His older brothers’ eyes widen from the side. The whole sink was covered in blood and so was the towel which Luffy was pressing on his face.

“Luffy are you okay?” Sabo was first to come to his senses and immediately stood on his knees next to his younger brother. Taking the towel from his hands he removed it from his face to see what was causing so much bleeding, which cause him to slightly gag at the sight of the stab under his eyes.

“Luffy... who did this?” Ace’s voice was cold, almost emotionless. He was standing leaned on the door facing away from his brothers. The only thing they could see was his clenched jaw and fists. Luffy didn’t know to whom to response first – one was extremely worried, the other extremely furious.

“Answer Luffy!” Both screamed at the same time. Luffy bit on his trembling lower lip as he focused his eyes on Ace. Both of his brothers were way taller than him as puberty has hit them already two years ago which caused Luffy to feel even smaller as he was towered by them now, more specifically by Ace.

“Ace, please.” Luffy cried out. “It was an accident. They didn’t mean it to get this far.”

“Did it happen at school? Was it the older kids?” Sabo was quick to ask, as much as he was worried, he was also enraged as Ace, but still he had to keep his cool for now and think rationality because before they go and take care of whoever did this to their little brother, they must take care of the wound first.

Luffy’s eyes were moving between Ace and Sabo, not sure and scared of how they would react and what would come next. After all they had grown up in the worst aera of Grand Line city. They were ghetto boys, who didn’t grow up with much they grew up almost with nothing, but they always had each other. Their childhood wasn’t easy, but the moment they became brothers, life started to have some meaning, some colour. Life stopped being so lonely, especially for Ace.

“Ye, Lu. Come on, tell us.” Ace finally turned to his little brother and faced him, which scared Luffy because across his older brother’s face was placed a gentle smile. Ace never smiles like this. Ace has never been this calm out of nowhere. But Luffy was just a kid, and so were his brothers, but they have made a vow that Luffy will have a childhood unlike them. They have made a promise that no matter what Luffy wouldn’t bare the pain of loneliness or sadness the same way they did, and Ace had made a promise to himself that no matter what he would try to do the same for Sabo.

“I-It was... it wasn’t kids from m-my school.” Luffy hiccupped. “It... it... it was Teach... from your school Ace.”

Hearing this Ace just looked one last time at Luffy and then Sabo and before any of them had the time to react, Ace has run off to find Teach. He was two years older than Ace and since day one, he had tired to picked on Ace, but it was no successes as every time they would get in a fight, Marshall D Teach would get his ass beaten at the end. Ace and Sabo didn’t attend the same high school, because Ace was kicked out for bad behaviour from it and that was how he ended up in a different one, but thanks to this he had met Law.

Sabo screamed after Ace, and so did Luffy but it was pointless. Holding the bloody towel to Luffy’s face, Sabo grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled his best friend Koala. He quickly explained to her that he needed her help and that she must take his little brother to the hospital as soon as possible. Koala told him that she would come with one of her father’s drivers to pick Luffy up and get him to the hospital, and with this the conversation ended.

“Okay, Luffy now listen to me.” He grabbed his little brother by the shoulders and made sure he focused on him. “Koala will be here soon, meanwhile you will keep pressing the towel to your face and wait for her on the porch.” Sabo held Luffy’s hand to his face where the wound was and made him press as blood continued to come out of it. “I must go after Ace before he does something crazy, so please come with me downstairs now and don’t come after me, wait for Koala, am I clear?” Sabo’s blue eyes were filled with worry for both of his brothers – one hurt and the other one crazy. “Luffy promise me that this time you will listen to me and do what I’ve told you.” He pleaded as he stood up and grabbed Luffy by his hand, running with him downstairs.

Sitting Luffy on the stairs at the front porch, Sabo was ready to run after Ace when Luffy grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Is Ace going to be in a big trouble because of me?” His brown eyes were filled with worry and guilt.

“Luffy, you are not the one to blame, okay?” Sabo was fast to reassure his little brother that this wasn't his fault even if he still didn't know what cause the stabbing, he knew that picking on twelve years old in such way is unforgivable. Especially if the twelve years old happened to be his little brother. “Ace is doing what every big brother would do in this situation and so do I, we won’t get in trouble, I promise you.” He gave a small smile to his kid brother and ruffled his messy black hair before he ran off.

Ace knew where to find Teach, so he wasted no time running to one of the old outdoor basketball courts close to their neighbourhood. Teach could pick on him as much as he wanted, but not Luffy. Especially in such way, he could have taken his eye off or worst kill him, and for what? Only to angered Ace?

By the time Ace reached the court he was all covered in sweat. Seeing some of Teach’s friends there he yelled his name. The moment his friends heard Ace’s furious scream, they started to run but Ace was fast to catch one of them by the collar of his shirt.

“You better tell me where your piece of shit friend is or you gonna get all the beating for him.” Ace hissed in his face.

“He... he ran a-away s-somewhere m-man. W-we haven’t seen h-him since.” The guy’s voice trembled with fear, but Ace wasn’t buying it, so he just punched the guy’s stomach making him writhed in pain.

“Think again. Where is Teach?” Ace pushed the boy’s body on the ground and was ready to kick him when the guy put his hands out to stop Ace from colliding his foot with his stomach.

“I-I swear m-man. H-he ran off. H-he probably is ether at home or y-you know his uncles g-garage spot?” The guy waited for Ace’s response. Ace thought for a second before nodding, he knew where the place was. “H-he must be there, a-as y-you know h-his uncle i-is into s-shady things so he must have gone there to hide.”

Crouching next to the guy on the ground, Ace grabbed his hair in a fist and pulled it.

“Listen carefully now.” He started with a low warning tone. “If I go there, and he isn’t there as you’ve said, I’ll come back and you will need to pick up every single tooth you have off the ground, am I clear?”

“I swear, Ace he is either there or at home.” The guy cried out.

Ace let go of him and stood up. All he could see and hear was red. Marchall D Teach was going to pay for almost blinding his little brother. He could mess up with Ace as much as wanted but today he crossed all lines, and he was going to learn his lesson for that.

Despite his appearance, Ace was quite strong for his age. His skinny and tall body was durable to fights, but he could say that it was thanks to the fact that he grew up on the streets, after all the area where the brothers came from was know as the worst possible place to live in Grand Line.

Leaving the basketball court, he heard a well familiar voice calling out his name. Not turning back as he knew that Sabo would catch up to him, Ace continued walking. He felt Sabo’s hand on his shoulder as he held him back for a second, while he tried to catch his breath.

“Ace, wait.” Sabo said in between breaths. “We must come with a plan or something or even better just call the police.” He wanted and tried to reason his brother.

“The plan is we find him, I kill ‘im, and then we continue with our lives.” Ace jerked his shoulder from Sabo’s hand and continued walking.

“Ace be rational for just a second.” Sabo screamed at his brother as he pulled his blond locks. “I’m as mad as you are, but this will lead only to more problems.” Ace continued to ignore him, which only fuelled Sabo’s irritation with his own brother. “Listen to me when I talk to you, you bullhead.” Sabo stood in front of him and placed his hands on Ace’s chest to stop him from taking any step further. “Let’s call the police, for this he can even go to prison as he is of legal age.”

“He hurt Luffy.” Ace screamed in his brother’s face. “And he is going to pay for it. Now you either move away or I’m going to beat your ass as well.” He pushed Sabo away, hard enough to almost making him trip.

“I’m trying to safe your ass from making a big mistake.” Sabo screamed after Ace.

“I’m doing what is right.” Ace spatted without even turning to look at him, all he could wanted was a revenge. With a sigh, Sabo ran after him one more time. If Ace was going to get in trouble he wasn’t going to do it alone. He understood his brother’s reasons, and even if he didn’t agree with them and how he wanted to handle it, Sabo wasn’t going to let him do it alone, after all Luffy wasn’t only Ace’s little brother, he was his as well and as such they must revenge the harm that was caused upon Luffy. Mess with them, but not with their little brother.

“Are you sure he is here?” Sabo turned to Ace as they were now standing in front of the old garage where Teach’s uncle clamed to repair cars in it, but it was well known that this was a lie and he was hiding some shady business behind the whole ‘car repairing’ thing.  

“Should be.” Ace replied as he nodded his head towards the garage, indicating to Sabo to follow him.

“So again, you have any other plan than beating him?”

“Ye, beating him to death.”

“Your heart is too pure for this Ace.” Sabo knew his brother very well, no matter how much Ace wanted to be seen and perceived as the ‘bad boy’, the ‘nonchalant’, ‘not giving a single fuck’ guy he was neither of these things. His brother was too good for this world, but the world wasn’t so nice to him. Ace has carried the most of their family’s burden and Sabo didn’t want him to add another one to the list.

Ignoring Sabo’s words Ace was the first one to approach the big old garage which was wide opened and inside were some older men in their late forties. Teach’s uncle was the first one to notice the approaching boys.

 “Dadan’s boys, what brings me the privilege to be honoured by your visit?” The nasty smile on his fat and oily face bloomed on his lips as he eyed the two young boys. It was clear from where his nephew was coping the nasty manners.

“Where is Teach?” Ace wasted no time but getting to the point.

“I don’t know.” His uncle brazenly laughed causing the other three men to do the same. “Why you need him, Gol’s boy?” It was a well-known fact around this area whose Ace’s biological father was and how much he denied him as such.

“I’m Portgas.” The young boy corrected him as his dark brown eyes pierced the arrogant man’s ones.

“Ha, you heard that boys? The brat is Portgas.” His loud and nasty laughter filled up the space around as everyone started to laugh at the boy’s statement. “You know, your mother Rouge used to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen... it’s sad she died so young.” The man sarcastically clicked with his tongue.

This was the name you should never mention in front of Ace with such dishonour, especially if you were a nasty disgusting man like Teach’s uncle. Just before Ace could say anything, Sabo interrupted.

“We really need to speak with Teach.” He held on his brother’s shoulder and tried to keep his behaviour unsuspicious.

“I don’t know where he is blondie, probably home or somewhere out in the streets, I don’t care much where the brat goes, so now take your bastard brother and get the fuck out of my shop.” The man spatted at the brothers as he wasn’t a fan of their family nor them.

“Who are you calling bastard, you ugly pig.” Ace yelled at him, but Sabo was fast to hold on him and stop the fight that was about to erupt.

“Ace, come on.” Sabo called out his brother. “This sad fuck isn’t worth it, let’s go find Teach.” He literally needed to drag Ace out as the uncle continued to pour oil into the fire.

“Mention my mother’s name one more time and I will kill you.” Ace screamed after him only to be met with another round of brazenly laughter. Taking him into one of the alleys near by Sabo tired to calm his brother. “Let me go Sabo, I will kill this pig and his nephew as well.” Ace tried to fight his brother’s strong hold, but the blonde boy held him in one place with all his power.

“Ace, I understand your rage, but this sad low life isn’t worth it, now let’s go back to search for Teach, just calm down.” Sabo tried to reason him for a thousand time today.

Buring his fingers in his dark locks, Ace pulled his hair by the roots and screamed with frustration.

“Fine, fine.” He yelled in Sabo’s face. “Let me go before I lose it completely.” Sabo took a step back, while Ace tried to calm himself a bit. “I’m sure he is there.” Ace said after a few deep breaths.

“Should we wait a bit here?” Sabo had a similar feeling to Ace’s, the uncle had to knew at least that his nephew was hiding from them. Ace just nodded in response.

A few hours passed by and the sun started to settle, the twilight has taken over the sky and if it wasn’t for what had happened earlier today, maybe it would have caught the brothers’ attention and they would have admired it, but not today. Sabo had received a message from his friend Koala that she has taken care of Luffy and that the wound was stitched, and their little brother would be okay. Hearing the news about it, Ace only nodded not moving his eyes from the garage. He was a hundred percent sure that Teach was there hiding and won’t leave until it was dark.

And he wasn’t wrong. Soon Teach’s uncle left with his friends, but he didn’t close the garage, everything inside was still lit on and the door wasn’t closed. Which meant only one thing – there was someone inside.

“Let’s check out who is left in the garage.” Ace said to his brother and they both quietly and cautiously made their way to it.

Walking inside they started to look around carefully. They reached the end of it when they heard some bucket falling at the entrance. Turning their heads towards the direction where the sound came from, they saw the person who they were looking for trying to escape.

“Oh, you are dead.” Ace murmured to himself and started running after Teach, closely followed by his brother.

Both boys were in advantage catching up Teach as his clumsy and fat body couldn’t outrun the two brothers. Caging him in the same alley they waited until now, Teach had nowhere to run as it was a dead end one.

“Care to explain why my little brother came with a stab wound under his eye today?” With slow steady steps Ace was getting closer and closer to Teach’s trembling from fear body. He was aware that today he fucked up a lot by stabbing the kid, but it was an accident, he just wanted to scare him off, but the brat moved while he had him on a chokehold and in his attempted to calm him down, he accidently pressed the knife in his face too hard. He shouldn’t have even held up a knife to a twelve years old but he did it for the jokes of it and now he is about to pay the price for it.

“Now, now Ace it was just for the joke of it.” He said with a chuckle which only fuelled Ace’s anger.

“For the joke? You could have killed him!” Sabo yelled at him as he got face to face with him and grabbed him by his white shirt collar. “You fucking pig.” He screamed in his face and punched it.

Ace was fast to get in between his brother and Teach as he didn’t want him to get in trouble and this was something that was between him and the low life who was now on the ground.

“Let me punch him one more time Ace.” It was funny and strange who fast their rolls change as now it was Ace who tried to calm Sabo not the other way around.

“Fuck you, Sabo.” Teach spatted as he tried to stand up, but he has no luck as Ace was fast to kick him in the face. Blood started to run from Teach’s mouth as Ace’s foot collied with his chin. Without wasting time, the two brothers jumped on him. They knew that it wasn’t a fair fight, two against one, but Teach wasn’t playing fair as well earlier as he pulled a knife on a child and now he was going to pay.

Sabo was the first one to pull away, while Ace was lost, he couldn’t see or hear anything, all he could think about was his little brother’s face covered in blood, and for what – for a joke? Well, here was the joke now, the biggest joke of them all laying under him almost unconscious. Coming to his senses Sabo tried to pull Ace away.

“Ace. Ace, come on this is enough.” He yelled at his brother as he tried to pull him away. Teach’s whole face was covered in blood and swollen from the brothers’ fists as he was choking on his own blood. With all his power Sabo pulled Ace away from Teach’s body but the moment Ace was back on his feet he decided to do one more thing before they leave. With all his power Ace stepped on Teach’s right knee which cause it to break. An agonizing scream left Teach’s mouth as his whole body twitched from pain. Sabo’s eyes widen from the scene in front of him. “What the fuck Ace?” Sabo screamed at his brother as he jerked Ace by the hand to look at him. “Ace what the fuck man? You know how much trouble we will get in for this now?” But Sabo’s screams were worthless as his brother didn’t care and as of right now, he couldn’t think straight.

Without saying anything Ace just pulled his arm away from Sabo’s and started walking away. Not knowing what to do and now scared for Teach’s life, Sabo called an ambulance for him, only giving Teach’s location and lying that he found him on the street by chance. After he made sure that the asshole was going to get help and not die, he ran after Ace.

“Ace you idiot. Now we are going to be in a big trouble.” Sabo pushed his brother on the back once he caught up with him, making Ace almost trip. Turning to him Ace pushed Sabo back.

“I will get in trouble, okay. You will be fine.” Ace said as he turned once again and continued making his way home.

“Did you really need to go that far?” Sabo asked, his heartbeat increased as he tried to calm himself down, but it was pointless, they were going to be sent to juvenilefor this.

“Luffy is going to have a scar on his face for the rest of his life, it was only fair for me to give this fat fuck one as well.” Ace responded calmly as in his mind this was a fair exchange.

“Ace we can get sued for this or worst send to juvenile.”

“I can get sued or sent to juvenile not you, so calm the fuck down before I smash your face, too.” Ace’s tone was stern and warning, he would take all the blame for it if Teach decided to speak to the police. “Also, we don’t know if he will speak to the police.” He shrugged.

“He will, Ace. He will and then we will be in trouble.”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times I need to say that I’ll take the blame and you and your perfect record will be fine.” Ace turned around and screamed in Sabo’s face.

“That is the problem, why you should take all the blame?” Sabo screamed back.

“Because I’m the shitty one of all of us three, okay? So, if one of us must go down it would be me, not you, not Luffy – it will be me.” Ace was screaming on top of his lungs with anger and frustration as this was something his brother would never get. Ace was the cursed one, not they. His whole face has gotten redden from all the screaming and frustration build up in him and Sabo was only adding more fuel to it.

“Why Ace? Why?” Sabo’s voice broke mid sentence. It has always pained him how his brother viewed himself as some monster as some low life who didn’t deserve to be alive in a first place let alone to deserve good things in life. “Why it has to be always you taking the blame for us?” He didn’t receive any answer to his question.

“Let’s just go home.” Was all that Ace said.

Entering the house and stepping into the hallway they heard voices filling up the living room and Luffy’s voice calling their names. Looking down on their bloody knuckles both guys made their way upstairs to clean their hands. It took some time for the blood to wash away but it did eventually. Sabo was the first one to go downstairs while Ace closed the door behind him and locked himself in the bathroom. He set his palms down on the sink with his head hanged low. There was still some blood from earlier on the floor and all of this for what... a joke?

The realisation of what had happened today and what Ace has done hit him like a truck. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down he started to curse under his breath. He was going to be in serious trouble, one where he wasn’t sure how he would be able to come out of.

“Good for nothing as aways.” He murmured to himself before he left the bathroom.

Walking into the living room Ace was faced with everyone – Dogara and Magra sitting together on one of the old armchairs they had which was quite big and on the couch were siting Dadan, Luffy and Koala, Sabo’s best friend and big crush, which he hasn’t confessed yet. Seeing Ace, Luffy jumped from the couch and ran to him, locking his arms around him in a hug.

“Are you better now, Lu?” Ace softly asked his brother as he ruffled his hair. Looking at Sabo and then to Dadan, Ace could tell that she already knew what they have done, and his gut was telling him that she didn’t know from Sabo, she knew from somewhere else. Getting up from the couch Dadan nodded with her head for him and Sabo to follow her in the kitchen to speak in private. Pulling away from Luffy, Ace promised him that he would be back in a second but first he must speak with their foster mother for a second, so he sent his little brother back to Koala on the couch.

Walking into the kitchen where Dadan and Sabo were already, Ace stood next to his blonde brother. Dadan’s eyes were in a tin line as she had crossed her arms across her chest, in her eyes could be read a lot of emotions – from anger, to sadness, to disappointment.

“You two realise what you have done, right?” She finally spoke up. “Why didn’t you call me immediately or the police?” None of the boys said anything at first. “Answer me!” She screamed at them.

“Because what he did needed to be revenged.” Ace hissed at her, his eyes filled with anger once again. “And don’t scream at Sabo, it was all my fa-” What happened next has never happened before in this house. Dadan was many things, but she has never raised her hand to her children, until today. The smack across Ace’s cheek echoed in the kitchen as his head even turned to the side from the impact of her hand.

“You foolish boy. You never listen, you never think before you do something.” Her voice was filled with anger and pain. Her eyes, something that none of the brothers have seen before were filled with tears. “You really are your father’s son. Aways searching for fights and problems, you took nothing from her, nothing. My sister died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.” These words cut like a knife Ace’s heart. Looking up at Dadan and meeting her eyes, same colour as his mother’s made him swallow hard the words he heard and the pain they caused him. “You wanna know how your mother died exactly? She died screaming and begging the doctors to save you over her and till this day I swear that was her biggest mistake.” Tears stared to run down on her tired face as she spoke the words with bitterness and pain over the memory of her dead sister. Ace took a step back as he realised how much he had messed up today and how much this would affect their so-called family.

“Dadan, stop talking to him like this!” Sabo couldn’t stand and listen to such nonsense. He could see that their foster mother was pissed, and she was right that they had fucked up badly, but Ace didn’t deserve this treatment, after all it wasn’t only him who fucked up.

“Shut up Sabo!” She screamed without even looking at him. “Having that piece of shit’s uncle calling me and telling me that we will be sued for money we don’t have because you two decided to beat the shit out of his nephew was my final straw with you, and especially you Ace.” She pointed her finger at him, her whole hand trembling from the frustration. “Why couldn’t you call the police? It was going to be his nephew to be taken away not mine good for nothing one. But no, you had to play it bad boy don’t you, brat?” She yelled once again in his face, but Ace didn’t say a word.

His eyes were fixed on the floor, mind clouded with thoughts. ‘She died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.’ The words were on repeat like a broken tape recorder. He didn’t kill his mom, he would never. He didn’t even ask to be born, why it was his fault that two people sixteen years ago decided to make a child together and it just happened to be him.

“Look at me and listen carefully when I’m talking to you, Ace!” Dadan grabbed his shoulders and shook him. With a clenched jaw and redden eyes Ace locked his focus on hers. “The moment the police come, you will go out now and turn yourself in and you won’t mentioned that Sabo was there with you, am I clear?” She took a step closer to him and Ace only nodded. Hearing this Sabo tried to fight Dadan over it, but she called for Dogora and Magra to take Sabo away as she wanted to be left alone with only Ace. Sabo’s attempts to fight Magra, who was extremely strong, were pointless as he easily lifted the boy and took him upstairs, locking him in his room.  Once they were left alone Dadan turned to Ace again. “Why Ace? Tell me, why are you the way you are?” Instead of answering Ace just asked her a very simple question.

“Why you hate me so much?” His voice was quiet. Ace was tired. He was tired of screaming, tired of fighting. He just wanted to know, why the only blood related person he knew and had in his life hated him so much.

“I don’t hate you Ace.” Dadan took a step back as she turned around walking to the dining table and pulling one of the chairs to sit on it. She placed her elbow on the table and started massaging her temple with her fingers. “I don’t hate you, but you are so hard to love. I pity the woman who will end up with you one day. Poor girl, with a man like you she will probably end up the same way my sister did, six feet under the ground.” She looked at the boy standing in front of her in the middle of the kitchen and her heart broke. She knew she has failed to raise him properly and mostly it was her fault, but blood couldn’t turn into water – at the end of the day he had one of the most wanted criminals’ blood running in his veins, the kid was doomed from the start. Looking at Ace all she could see was Roger, even if he has taken after his mother’s beauty and freckle skin, there was only range and madness in his soul, something that Rouge never possessed, this was all Roger or she wanted to believe that it was all him as she never really got to meet or know him. Her sister aways kept her away from her personal life, but still Dadan loved her regardless. “If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too. Try to push her away or something, as much as it pains me to say this... your father’s blood line must end up with you. Whoever ends up with you will suffer.”

Since that night these words never left his mind, they were tattooed, engraved in his brain. What Dadan has said to him was cruel and she regrated it the moment she saw her nephew being taken away by the police. This child who has full of love and life, and she could see it that he had so much of it in himself but never learned how to express it because Dadan herself never showed him how to, would now forever lock himself from the outside world. Because of that night and those words Ace sat his mind on one thing – he would never fall in love and if he did, he would do anything in his power to make the girl who would steal his heart hate him, hate him so much that she would never want to be near him or even hear his name would make her feel disgust. Maybe after all he was meant to be lonely in this world. Because who would love a cursed boy like him?

Seeing (Y/N) jumping out of the car the moment he stopped it in front of her building made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt her, let alone make her cry. It took him all his willpower to not run after her and just wrap her in his arms and kiss her. But he couldn’t do this. The moment she put her hand on the back of his neck and ran her fingers in his messy locks while Big Jet Plaine was playing on the background felt like he was hit with thousands of kilowatts of electricity. It was like the Earth stopped spinning and that he was levitating for a moment – all of this by a simple touch by her. And because of it the words which his aunt has told him almost ten years ago echoed in his mind “Whoever ends up with you will suffer and end up like you mom, six feet under.” Ace didn’t want her to suffer because of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain to her why they were better of like friends, even if this was becoming such a cliche.

Speeding through the empty streets at this late hour of the night it didn’t take him long to get back to his place. Ace was mad. Mad at himself and the world, but not at (Y/N). Walking to his apartment and locking the door behind himself he threw the keys on the side not even paying attention that they dropped on the floor. Kicking his shoes on the side he made his way to the living room and sat down on the couch. Inhaling and exhaling deep he laid down and looked at the ceiling. His mind was running wild once again. He messed up big time with her this tonight like never before. He made her cry which pained him the most of it all.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his nose as he ran his hands through his hair and pulled it. “How you’re fixing this now deep shit?” Hitting his jawline with his fist Ace cursed once again. He wasn’t sure if he should even try to fix it. She has a date tomorrow, maybe it was for the best that tonight turned out this way.

After all what could Ace offer her? Love? He has never experienced it himself, he didn’t even grow up loved so how could he love another person if he was never taught how it worked. But this wasn’t love, this has to be just lust and nothing else. He couldn’t be in love with her, she couldn’t be in love with him. It has to be a mutual lust, he was aware of how much she wanted to be kissed by him tonight and not only tonight, but he couldn’t allow this. There was this part of him that was afraid that if he crossed this line with her there wouldn’t be a turning back from then on. Trying to gather his thoughts he got up and went to his desk. Before he sat down, he opened one of the big windows in the room to get some cold air in, hoping that it would make him cool off a bit. Pulling his pack of cigarettes out he lit up one and dragged a long smoke from it.

It was like she had engraved herself in his mind as of recently she was always in his thoughts. And it was always the small details about her – they way she would scrunch her nose before she disagrees with something, the way she bit on her lower lip all the time or when she played with her fingers every time, she was nervous. The way that she was always shy the first few minutes when he was around her, only to relax after a few and act like they have been knowing each other for a lifetime when in fact it has been what – three, almost four months now. But the thing that was amusing him the most was the fact that she happened to understand and get him all the time, sometimes even without words, it was like she could see past his bullshits but chose to ignore it instead. But why? Did she feel something more than lust towards him?

This thought made Ace’s blood run cold. She couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She could do so much better than him, after all he was good for nothing, and she... she was everything. She had this uniqueness, this mixture of a pure heart and beautiful mind, there was something way to innocent about her that Ace was afraid if he touched it, he might destroy it. That was why he was calling her – doll, because she was perfect in any sense – perfectly craft from the outside and so beautiful from the inside. There was even a moment where Ace was afraid of developing some Madonna Whore complex for her, but with the unholy thoughts he had in mind and all of them involving her, this fear was out of the window as fast as it came.

Finishing his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray he had on the desk, he knew that he needed something stronger than cigarettes right now. Going into the kitchen and opening one of the top drawers he picked a bottle of whiskey which was half empty. He usually didn’t have hard alcohol at home, but this one was from the last time when Luffy and Zoro had come over to play games and drink booze. Grabbing the bottle he didn’t bother with taking a glass and drank straight from it. Going back to the living room and taking a sit on the chair in front of his desk he put the bottle to the side.

He needed to cool off, to distract himself but even now, with a pen in hand and a note in front of him all he could think about was her. His eyes were reddened, but not from sadness, it was because of fatigue and despair. Massaging his temple with the tips of his finger, he reached with his left hand for the bottle again. The bitter taste of the alcohol burning down his throat, but he didn’t mind it. Putting it down, he started writing on the note.

I've been callin' you "friend," I might need to give it up

He really needed to give it up. He must give up on whatever it was between him and her before its too late. The ache in his heart came back and his whole face grimaced with pain.

“Fool... how could you let yourself fall...” He whispered to himself as he buried his head on his forearms, his body hunched over the desk. Ace didn’t want to fall in love. No, he mustn’t fall in love. ‘If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too.’ These words by his aunt had become very vivid in his memory in the past few weeks, and especially now.

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

He couldn’t allow himself to tell her how he felt, but he could always write her a song, or two, or hundred. Ace didn’t want to admit it to himself until now, but she had become his muse, his medicine in a way, but that was where he would draw the line.

Waking up today felt like the hardest task someone could possibly make me done. I was exhausted. From the moment I left the car till probably three or four in the morning I couldn’t stop crying. Lifting my head from the pillow, I sighed when I saw that the whole pillowcase was stained with makeup.

“I doubt this will come off.” I whispered to myself.

Reaching for my phone on the nightstand to see what time it was I saw I had some messages. None of them were from him. They were all from Dave and one from Shanks. I didn’t even manage to unlock my phone when it died as I didn’t put it to charge last night. Sitting up in the bed I looked for my charger and when I saw it, I plugged the phone and let it charge.

My whole body felt tired, no I felt tired, even thought I slept for almost ten hours. Getting up from the bed I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Seeing the state of my face in the reflection of the mirror wasn’t a big surprise for me – puffy eyes and face covered in smudged makeup and hair all over the place. A tired sighed once again left my lips. Taking off whatever was left of the makeup, brushing my teeth and cleaning my face didn’t took away the puffiness and so I decided to take a quick shower.

Stripping down from the clothes I still had on from last night I got into the shower. My body was trembling, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was an emotional mess or because today was surprisingly cold in my apartment. Adjusting the water and making it almost boiling hot I tried to relax my body. Closing my eyes and letting the water run down my body I wrapped my arms around myself. Everything from last night played vividly in my mind, from the moment he picked me up to the moment he dropped me off. I bit on my lips as I felt a new wave of tears falling from my closed eyes as I tried to stop the sob which was threatening to leave my lips. Why was he doing this to me? Was this some kind of a sick mind play? One second, he was all nice and carrying, and the next he switched to a cold uncaring person, and it was like this every time, and I had enough of this. Opening my eyes I took a deep breath in and decided to focus on something else and try my best to think of everything else but him.

Getting out of the shower and changing into more comfortable clothes I laid in my bed again. Seeing that my phone had charged a bit I unplugged it and checked all the messages I had. The one from Shanks was him asking me if I want to take some shifts at the beginning of the year to which I responded with yes and it also hit me that New Years is in two days. Then I moved to the messages from Dave. The last one of the many he had sent was ‘If you don’t want to go let me know :)’.

I felt so bad. Dave was such a nice person, especially to me, and he didn’t deserve such behaviour from me, for which I typed a quick message: ‘Sorry for the late response, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday, so I felt asleep super early and just woke up. Ofc, we are up for it. Send me the address and what time I should be there ^^’. Even though I wanted to spend the whole day buried in my bed away from everyone and everything, I had made a promise and I was going to keep it.

He responded almost immediately, and we agreed on meeting at six pm as the screening starts at seven. I couldn’t stop myself but thinking of last night and what certain someone told me – ‘Go on the date. Give the guy a chance.’ and maybe I should do this, but this wouldn’t be fair for Dave. Unlike the person who had engraved himself in my mind and hear, I could not lead someone on, not someone who I actually consider a friend and mostly someone I cared for.

Dave greeted me with a hug as aways and I tried my best to fake my smile, not because I didn’t want to see him, but because my mind was elsewhere. Seeing Dave didn’t bring any type of excitement in me even thought I wish it did. He was a very good-looking guy, and he was so nice on top of it, he was the full package, but the spark wasn’t there. But as the guy who had not just caused a spark in my heart but had caused fires in it said – give the guy a chance, so I was determined that tonight I would try to look at Dave in a different light, even if it would be the hardest thing to do due to the fact that certain someone shattered my heart not even twenty-four hours ago, despite this I would try.

“How have you been? You look tired.” Dave said as we pulled away from the hug.

“Oh, yes. I’m just pretty tired, I’m helping my uncle with his bar and yes long shift.” I took a deep breath in and then out as I chuckled. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Good, spending most of my time with family and friends.” He replied with a big smile on his face. “Um, should we get inside? We can grab something to drink before the movie starts.” He pointed with his thumb towards the cinema entrance, and I nodded. Lifting his arm slightly to me I got the hint and wrapped mine with his and we made our way inside.

We grabbed some drinks and snacks as and sat in the cinema bar chitchatting about everything and anything. It was very easy to be relaxed and calm around Dave, he was a pure sunshine, but he had to call me out all the time because I just kept zooming out.

“Dave, I’m so sorry, I promise you I listen.” I apologetically smiled at him.

“It’s okay, it’s not like I can be mad at you.” He said and his fingers gently brushed mine. But there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement.

“Of course you can.” I protested. “I have been a very bad friend to you in the past few weeks and yet you are always so nice to me.” I meant every word that I said and knowing that he had feelings, and I didn’t was killing me from the inside. I couldn’t fake something that wasn’t there in a first place. I couldn’t fake a feeling.

“Um, yes actually there is something I want to speak with you about or well more like something I have to tell you.” He gave me one of his charming smiles as his tawney skin got a slightly heated. Running a hand through his curls he was struggling with finding the right words. Panic took over me as I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready for it and because of it I interrupted him.

“My God, look at the time, we should go. I love watching the trailers before the movie starts.” I jumped from the chair and grabbed the popcorns Dave bought. He was a little surprised by my sudden outburst but laughed it off and followed me with the rest of the things. I had three hours to gather my mind and find the best way to tell Dave that out feelings weren’t mutual, and I was praying to whatever power was out there that he was just having crush on me which hasn’t developed into something more and deep, because I didn’t want to shatter his heart the same way mine was.

“Sh, it’s okay.” Dave had his arms wrapped around me as we were still siting in our seats ten minutes after the movie finished as I was crying my eyes out. I was always a crying mess after watching ‘Interstellar’ but today was probably the hardest I have cried on this movie, but it was clear to me that the reason to cry this much wasn’t only the film. Lifting my head from his chest he cupped my face and wiped my tears away. “Come on let’s get going before they kick us out.” He laughed and I agreed with him.

It was dark and even colder outside than when we came. Dave was holding me close to him as he noticed how I was trembling from the cold.

“Please, you declined my offer to pick you up at least let me drive you back home.”

“Are you sure? You live five minutes away and I live like thirty.” I didn’t want him to waste him time with dropping me off and then getting back home. “I can get the metro.”

“No, please (Y/N), I insist.” He squeezed my shoulders like he was silently begging me to let him drive me home.

“You won’t take ‘no’ as an answer, will you?” I chuckled and he shook his head, making us both laughed in unison. Playfully rolling my eyes I nodded with my head and made him lead the way to his car.

On the way to my place, we were talking for the movie mostly but then we switched to more personal subjects like I never knew that he had a little sister and a big brother, for which I joked with him that as a middle child it did explain why he took on becoming a filmmaker and we laughed about it. Then I told him a bit about my family, and this made me realise that until now, all we have ever talked about was movies or school things which were again related to films and filmmaking. We never got to know each other on a personal level until now. Which made me sad in a way that maybe if I have had the opportunity to get to know him before I met a certain dark raven-haired man, maybe just then these feelings Dave had for me would have been mutual.

“Dave.” I said his name and took a deep breath. He was stopping the car in front of my building, and I wanted to speak up first, because in my mind it was better if I tell him that I see him as a friend only before he tells me whatever he has in mind.

“Please, before you say anything I need to tell you something.” He took my hand in his and ran his thumb over my knuckles.

“Dave, no.” I pulled my hand back and cursed myself as I knew what was coming. “Look, I... I didn’t know that you view this as a date until... until last night honestly.” I was struggling to find the right words after I saw how his whole face and mood changed. “And I didn’t want to believe what I have been told that you have crush on me, and I do hope that it’s only a crush because I swear Dave you are the last person I want to hurt.” My voice cracked at the end from seeing the way sadness took over his features. “I... I just don’t see you in this way Dave and I’m so, so sorry. If I leaded you on somehow, I’m... I’m sorry Dave, but it wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” Tears started falling from my face again. I wasn’t sure if it was because of how guilty I was feeling to not share the same feelings as his or because I knew how much it hurt to be rejected by someone you like.

Dave took a deep breath in and turned to look at me. He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach the corner of his eyes at all. Then he reached with his hand and wiped away my tears.

“I understand.” He quietly said as he took away his hand from my cheek. “It’s partly my fault, I could see it that your mind was, and I suppose is still somewhere else and... well...” He clicked with his tongue as the bitterness of the rejection was filling his heart and mind. Silence took over as neither of use dared to say something or move. “With risk to overstep my boundaries with you... is there something I could do to change your mind?”

I tilted my head on the side a bit confused by his question, but before I could response he reached with his hand once again and pulled my head closer to him. His lips gently crashed on mine... but there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement. My skin didn’t get any goosebumps, my heart wasn’t set on fire, my mind was somewhere else... my mind was on somebody else. I tried to return the kiss, but it was pointless, and Dave felt it too. Breaking the kiss, he just gently caressed my cheek and then let go of it.

“You didn’t feel anything, did you?” His voice was quiet, and I could sense the pain behind it.

“I’m sorry, Dave.” I whispered.

“And so am I.” He whispered back and then cleared his throat. “But hey, cheer up. I still want to be your friend, and I will be if you want me to.” He gave me a sincere smile one that reached the corner of his eyes as usual.

“Oh, Dave.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him in a very tight hug. “I want to and I love having you around, but I know how much it would hurt you and I don’t want this for you.” My head was buried in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

The past two days have exhausted me so much emotionally – first Ace, then Dave. It was like my life has turned into some soap opera, the kind of series I hated the most and on top of it I was the main character. At the same time there was something ironic and comedic in the whole situation – while I was rejected by a certain someone in a very unspoken way, I kind of did the same thing to somebody else, for which I guess was my own karma.

Since I woke up in the morning today my head was killing me as I haven’t stopped crying. Everything in the past two days was too much for me to take. The worst part was that I was left in the dark. Since last night so many questions have arisen in me – did Ace really didn’t feel anything for me? Did he only saw me as a friend? And if he did – why the pet names? Why the small gestures? Why have we had so many intimate moments which all of them almost ended with a kiss? I might be very bad with getting hints, but I doubt that ‘regular’ friends or even ‘best’ friends have had such shared moments.

The questions were too many and yet the answers couldn’t be found. I was mad at him. I was hurt by him. I wanted to confront him so bad, yet knowing myself, I knew that I would crack the moment I face his deep brown eyes that I have fallen in love with. I knew that the moment I see him again and he calls me doll or whatever he comes up with, no matter how much pain and distress he has caused me I would be willing to forgive him. Which led me in this situation in a first place. He had turned himself into a soft spot for me which led to all of this happening, because he knew, he was fully aware that I was ready to forgive him easily the moment he sweettalked me again. But not this time.

“Fuck.” I cursed. This wasn’t the first time I have had promised myself this, I was like a broken record, repeating the same thing and then do the exact same thing over and over again. I was like a broken record. “Fucking Ace.” I cried into my pillow.

As I was lost in thoughts my phone vibrates, indicating that I have received a message. I grabbed the phone and saw that it was a message from Luffy - ‘Wanna go for a walk later?’. That took me by surprise. I haven’t seen him since the beginning of the month when we went to the club together. But it didn’t matter, I wasn’t in a mood to go out today at all. I needed a day by myself – isolated from anyone and anything. I quickly responded to him that I wasn’t feeling very well so we should leave it for some other day, but he wasn’t having it. He started spamming me with messages until I agreed, but I told him that it would be after seven pm as I didn’t want to go out now while it was still some sunlight outside. ‘YES, see u around 8pm then – I’ll wait for u outside ur place :D’ was the last message he sent me.

It was almost eight pm when I got up from bed and dressed myself in some leggings and a hoodie, I didn’t bother putting a makeup or fixing my hair, even though I looked like a mess with puffy eyes and dark cercles under them, after all we were going to just take a walk in the park near by. I put my jacket and boots on and went out as I received a message from Luffy that he was downstairs.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Was the first thing he said to me when he saw me exciting the building. “No, sorry (Y/N), I meant it like – are you okay?” He came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug. I swallowed hard before I replied that I was fine.

“Come on you blew my phone off to go for a walk, let’s get going.” I tried to fake a smile when we pulled apart.

We slowly made our way to the park. Luffy was babbling for anything and everything and I tried to focus on the conversation, but it was very hard. My mind was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I wanted to be present here and now, but it was an impossible task.

The park was almost empty as it was quite chill outside, the only passing by people were the one who had their dogs out for a walk or the one who were doing their evening jogging. Despite that it was dark already and something in the night air felt super heavy. I wasn’t sure if it was from the headache I had from all the crying in the past few days, but it felt like I had a bad lucid dream. Everything was like in a slow mode and my mind was just not present.

“(Y/N), hey (Y/N).” Luffy waved with his hand in front of my face. I shook my head as I realised, he had been calling my name and looked at him.

“I’m sorry Luffy. What were you saying?”

“Wanna sit for a moment. You don’t look good, have you eaten today?” He nodded with his head towards one of the benches in the park and wrapped his arm around my shoulder leading me there to sit.

“Yes, I did.” I lied. “I’m fine Luffy, just tired that is all.” I gave him a small sincere smile as we sat down on the bench. Luffy took a deep breath in and exhaled as he propped his elbows on his legs and looked at me from over his shoulder.

“You are not fine, you don’t need to lie to me.” He looked me in the eyes and shook his head. “And I’m sure this has something to do with my brother.”

“Wha-... why are you... like no, it has nothing to do with your brother.” I tried to brush it off, but Luffy just clicked with his tongue.

“I might be not as bright or smart like them and I know that I’m usually super goofy and even childish at times, but I’m not stupid, (Y/N).” He winked at me as he straitened his posture and chuckled. “Ace made me check up on you.” My eyes shoot wide open when he said this.

“What?” I wasn’t sure that I heard him right.

“Ace texted me today to check up on you but didn’t give me any explanation why for but judging by the state you are right now...” Luffy took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I know that something is obviously going on between you two and knowing my brother... he is fucking it up big time.” He took my cold hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But he does care about you a lot, otherwise he wouldn’t have made me check up on you.” Hearing this I couldn’t help but laughed out loud.

“If he cared so much about me, he would have come himself not sent you.” I could feel the tears treating to fall from my eyes again.

“I guess you are right, but Ace... well, Ace is Ace, and he does care believe it or not, but I know my brother and h-” I didn’t let Luffy finish his sentence as I interrupted.

“Luffy.” I took a deep breath before I continue because I was on the verge of a break down. “You know your brother as your brother and not as... as... God I can’t even find the words to describe what your brother is to me.” I pulled my hand from Luffy’s and buried my fingers in my hair pulling it a bit as I was losing my mind.

 “(Y/N) please calm down.” Luffy’s deep brown eyes so similar to the ones I fell in love with and filled up with worry. “God, I shouldn’t have told you this at all. Ace is going to kill me.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to know that he sent you?” I snorted out a bitter laugher. This whole situation was getting ridiculous. Before Luffy had the chance to answer I got up from the bench and started walking fast towards the metro station. Luffy immediately got up and followed me, calling me to stop.

“Please (Y/N) wait.” Luffy caught up to me and made me stop by grabbing my arm. “Calm down first and where are you going? Your place is in the other direction.” He gave me a confused look.

“To your brother’s place.” I replied and jerked my arm from his as I started walking fast again.

“You don’t even know if he is home or not.” Luffy screamed after me which made me turned around and look at him.

“Is you brother home Luffy?” My patience was wearing thin.

“I actually don’t know.” He wasn’t lying I could see that he didn’t.

“Well then I plan to find this out.”

I'm sick, and I'm tired too I can admit, I am not fireproof

Ace was hunched over his desk with his head propped on his palms. The headache he has had in the past two day was killing him, but he didn’t plan to do anything to fix it. The floor around him was covered with crumpled or torn apart paper. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, not like she has left it ever since they cross paths for a first time but in the two past days it was different.

Fallin' again I need a pick-me-up

His last two days were like hell – all he did was stay at home and smoke away his brain. His bandmates had blown his phone with messages and calls, but he only bothered to text Deuce back and let him know that he wasn’t going to rehearse with them this week. Which caused another wave of messages from mostly his brother Sabo, but Ace just ignored him. Still, he had opened the message app so many times as he has typed so many messages to only one person, just to delete them before pressing send. Ace knew that he fucked up badly with her and he was torn apart between trying to fix things or just let it be. His mind was telling him to just let go and not bother her ever again, but his heart... his heart wanted nothing else but her.

Guilty was eating him alive. What was he thinking when he took her out? Why did he take her out in a first place? Even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Ace did it because he was jealous. Hearing that this guy, David or Dave whatever his name was, was planning to take her out and confess his feelings for her struck a never in him, that was why he acted spontaneously the moment he saw his friend Yamato’s story on Instagram. Which now he realised it was a big mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. Ace didn’t think it through back then but by any means that “hang out” two nights ago was a date by all definitions. And now he was suffering and made her suffer the consequences of his jealousy and indecision. Indecision because he couldn’t let himself have her but also the thought of another guy having her was killing him. How was he supposed to let her go and move on with his life when she had him on such chokehold?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ace cursed loudly as he hit his jawline with his fist. Hitting himself wasn’t enough of a punishment for making her cry, for hurting her.

Earlier today he had texted his younger brother to check on her as he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was aware that she was mad and probably hurt by him, but he wanted at least to know if she was okay and taking care of herself, but he was also curious – did she go to the date with that guy? And if she did, did she enjoy it? Did she enjoy it more than any of the times she had spent with Ace? All these questions were circulating in his mind, and he hoped that Luffy won’t fuck it up and get them out of her, but he wasn’t aware of the date so the only thing Ace would find out was if she was still sad or not.

I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you I hope I don't murder me, I hope I don't burden you

Luffy had texted him an hour ago that he was waiting for her outside her apartment building to go for a walk and apparently it took him a long time to convince her in a first place to even go out.

“You better not fuck this up Luffy.” Ace murmured as he knew how bad his brother was with keeping his mouth shut sometimes but he was his only option right now. For a first time ever in his life Ace felt like a coward. He didn’t have the courage to face (Y/N), because what was he going to tell her – “hey I’m kind of in love with you, but also can’t be with you for your own good, so we still can be friends, right?” Friend? Even he couldn’t buy this lie anymore. They were never friends to begin with, but calling each other such was the only option, which now was out of the window.

It has started to rain outside and the streets were dark and foggy. Ace was standing next to the window as he was smoking probably his fifteenth cigarette if the day. The cold air coming from outside was blazing his skin as he had only a pair of grey sweatpants hanged on his hips. The circles under his eyes were dark, even as a person with narcolepsy he had barely slept these days. He was impatiently waiting for a text from his brother to know how their walk went and most importantly how was (Y/N). Closing his eyes shut he leaned his head on his arm which was propped on the window as he took one last drag of his cigarette before he threw it out. Just as he threw the cigarette his phone buzzed, it was a message from Luffy – ‘Don’t kill me, but I fucked up…’

Swim with me I think I can see the beach I know what's underneath I need you here with me but we're out in the open

Ace was about to throw his phone angrily across the room when he heard his doorbell ring followed with a loud bang on it and froze on the spot. This better not be who he thought it might be. Another determined knock and ring followed which made him shake his head and head to the door. Opening the door he didn’t have time to react or say anything as he was met with a slap across his face. ‘I deserve this.’ He thought to himself as he could recognise the softness of these fingers without even looking at the person in front of him.

“You fucking asshole.” You yelled in his face. He was standing by the door with his head a bit to the side as you have slapped it. Slapping him across the face was something you didn’t want to do but the moment he stood up in front of you just couldn’t control yourself. He just opened the door wilder and pulled you in before closing it. Then he finally dared to look at you.

There you were. Standing in front of him, soaking wet from the rain with your hair messed up from it and eyes red and puffy. Your whole body was trembling from the cold, but also from all the emotions bubbling inside of you. You looked like a mess.

“What are you doing here, doll?” His voice was quite and very raspy as he hasn’t spoken in days, in fact he hasn’t, the only words that have left his lips was when he was cursing himself out.

“Don’t you dare calling me this ever again.” Your voice was full of rage and pain, and it hurt him to hear it like this. It was always like a sweet melody to listen to it, but now hearing you for a first time ever like this, it made his heart aches mostly because he was the reason why you were in such state. Instead of saying something Ace just turned his back at you and walked away as he couldn’t bring himself to face you. “Don’t walk away you coward.” You called after him as you followed not even bothering to take your boots off as you entered his living room.

If I meet you in the middle, maybe we could agree You make me feel little how you're looking at me

He was a coward and you had all the rights to call him such. Standing in the middle of the living room with his back facing you he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, not when you were looking at him like this. You had never looked at him with so much rage and mostly disappointment. But he deserved it.

“Look at me, Ace.” You said to him as he was just adding to your rage when he was refusing to face at you. “Stop ignoring me and look at me when I’m talking to you.” Your heart was tearing apart, even now when you were standing in front of him, you had to beg for his attention which was only adding to his disrespect towards you. You grabbed his hand trying to make him turn around only for him to yanked it away from you. “You will not make a joke out of me again.”

Feeling your fingers on the bare skin on his hand made his whole-body burn, but hearing your words was like a stab in his heart which made him turn around immediately and finally face you.

His eyes were as tired as yours. Now when he was finally facing you, you were able to take better look at him. You have never seen Ace in such state, he looked defeated and lost at the same time, there was no trace left of the usual cocky playfully and confident man you knew, this… this wasn’t the Ace you were used to see and this caught you by surprise.

If I told you that I loved you Tell me, what would you say?

“I have never ever made a joke out of you nor disrespected you, doll.” A little spark of anger crossed his eyes as he slowly said this with a very stern tone. How could you say this? How could you even think of such thing? Him disrespecting you? Making fun out if you? He would never do such thing to you, not you of all people.

“Oh, you have never done such thing?” You laughed in his face as you took a step back as you needed some space from him to breathe. “You, of all people, have done the biggest fool out of me by your actions Ace.” Your voice was raised loudly again. “Sending your brother to check up on me? Are you fucking kidding me? And, and you- ” you pointed out your finger at him. “You dared to send him, to check on me because you are so, so worried about me that you don’t fucking bother to be man enough and do it yourself?” You have never screamed at a person before, but there was aways a first time.

Ace was just standing in front of you. You were right, he wasn’t a man enough to check up on you and not only this he wasn’t a man enough to even tell you why he couldn’t. He wasn’t man enough to just say fuck it and grab you in his arms and tell you to calm down and just kiss your pain away. Maybe after all he wasn’t as grown up as he thought he was. Maybe after all he was still a lost child who had no idea how to deal with love, let alone how to show or voice it. Instead, he just stood there frozen if front of you while his mind and heart were going crazy. His heart was screaming, no it was begging him to just pour out itself to you, yet his mind was telling him that the best thing he should do was to break whatever you two had between each other and move on. But how could he do this? Which was the right thing to do?

“Say something you fucking coward.” You cried out. Tears started running down your cheeks. You couldn’t hold them anymore, it was too much and with him just standing there not saying anything, felt like someone was burning you alive.

Hearing your cry, Ace finally looked you in the eyes. It took all his willpower to not reached with his hand to wipe away the tears falling from your them. The tears that he caused. Because he knew that if he did this, he would break his act, and he couldn’t afford to do this. Swallowing hard he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Look, doll I-”

“Don’t call me that.” You hissed at him.

“(Y/N).” He took a breath in as he ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry if I made you feel this way, but do-” Ace stopped himself as he was about to call you ‘doll’ again. But that was the thing – you were his doll, because in his eyes there were no flaws in you just like porcelain dolls, which were so perfectly crafted, yet one rough touch and they might break, for which he was afraid that he would break you if he dared to bare his soul and heart for you because his hands weren’t clean and he wouldn’t dare to destroy something so perfect as you, so he must admire you from afar. “(Y/N), I’m sorry if I messed up our friendship and mostly if I made you feel this was, but I swear, I would never ever even think of doing such thing to you.”

“What friendship, Ace?” You bitterly chuckled. “Were we ever truly friends?”

He didn’t know how to respond to this question – no, he didn’t want to respond to this question, not that he didn’t know the answer to it.

“I don’t have any other ‘friend’ or should I specify a male friend that calls me ‘doll’ or even ‘baby’ from time to time. I don’t have friends who takes me out for…” You were afraid to say it out loud, but you had nothing to lose anymore tonight, you were determined - tonight was the night where all cards from your side were coming to the table. “Fuck this I’m calling it what it was, this ‘hang out’ two nights ago was a fucking date, wasn’t it?”

The moment you called it a date he looked away. It was hard enough for him when he had to admit it to himself but admitting it to you was something he wasn’t ready to do. He didn’t do dates, he didn’t go to dates until you. Actually, he haven’t done even one bit of the things he had done for you for another girl ever, but he wasn’t going to admit this to you.

“Fucking coward, you can’t even admit this.” You laughed through tears as you clicked with your tongue. “I’m done pretending, Ace.” Lifting your hands in the air and dropping them down defeatedly you took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore… no, I… I can’t be your friend. God, I never wanted to be your friend, but I tried to, I swear I tried but… but…” Tears were blurring your vision as you knew that from what you were about to say there was no coming back. “The only reason why I can’t be your friend is not because I don’t want to, but because I’m in love with you.”

If I told you that I hated you Would you go away?

These words cut though his heart like a knife. Usually when you hear that the person who you also happened to have feelings for shares them you were supposed to be happy, to be on cloud nine, weren’t you? But Ace wasn’t like most people, he was he and this alone was his biggest punishment. With what he said next, he knew that not only your, but his heart would break as well.

“Look, doll.” He started not daring to look at you. Ace had his eyes locked on the wall where the big sideboard with pictures. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong signals or made you think that there would be something more happening between us, but…” He could feel his heart breaking, he didn’t mean any of these words, but he had decided – he was going to listen to his mind and not his heart, which meant only one thing – breaking yours. “But it’s not mutual, okay?”

Tears had stopped falling from your face as you were carefully listening and observing him. His jawline was clenched and so were his fists, his whole body was tensed and you could see and clearly hear that he was struggling with his words, and most importantly… he didn’t dare to look at you while saying this.

“Then why have you done so many gestures towards me? Hell Ace, let’s not act like we haven’t almost kissed so many times.” You were going to dig deep into this. Tonight you were going to get your answers.

“Have you seen yourself, doll?” Ace chuckled sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief as he heard your question. “I’m a guy and you are an extremely attractive girl, of course I want to fuck you, are you crazy?” He laughed out loud as he tried to hide the pain behind his words. It wasn’t like they weren’t true, but he would have never said it in such vulgar way if he didn’t try to push you away.

“You could have done it many times.” You answered with bitterness as you have never heard him speak so vulgarly with you about you, but you were honest with him. If all he ever wanted from you was a quick fuck he could have done it already and move on with his life not play friends with you.

“Could’ve, should’ve but I never did, thanks Luffy and his friends as if you haven’t been their friend I would have used you already and forget about you.” He turned away from you when he said this. He didn’t mean it and he wanted to kill himself for saying this to you. But he had to let you go.

“Use me?” You whispered in disbelief. This couldn’t be, he couldn’t have done such thing – no, the Ace that you knew wouldn’t dare to say such thing to you, he might have been an asshole, but this… this was crossing all the lines. “Is that why you were calling me doll all the time? Because you saw me as nothing more but a girl with whom you can play your twisted mind games?” You didn’t get any response as he was still facing away from you. “I don’t buy this bullshit, Ace.” Taking a few steps towards him you moved to stand in front of him and didn’t let him face you away. He was lying. He must be lying. “Say it to my face.” You were looking at him, eyes focused on his, yet for a thousand time tonight he refused to meet them.

He couldn’t bring himself to do such thing. It was hard enough to say it without looking at you, but to look at you and say such words, he could never. He just hoped that you would break up any second now and leave his place and him for good.

“I don’t believe you, Ace.” You repeated yourself. “I don’t believe that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck, especially when you had the opportunity many times.” Placing your right hand on his face you had to use a little bit of a force to make him look at you, but he finally did. You were so close to each other once again. His deep brown eyes were pierced in yours and in that moment an idea and the courage to say it out loud came to you. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” You asked, eyes not moving from his. He didn’t reply as he was waiting for you to voice your ‘deal’. “Kiss me.” Was all you said which made him push away your hand and take a step back as he looked at you as you were out of your mind.

“What the fuck? Didn’t you just hear what I’ve told you?” He couldn’t believe that you really asked him this, off all things, everything else but this.

“Yes, I did.” You took a step closer to him again.

“Why should I kiss you? Where is the deal in this?” A puff of air left his lips in a makeshift laughter. Where were you going with this?

Rolling your shoulders back and straightening you posture you swallowed hard before you speak up again.

“It’s super simple.” You said. “You kiss me and if you feel nothing, not even the slightest but of a spark then… then I’m gone and we pretend that this has never happened… that this whole ‘friendship’ or whatever it is, was, has never happened and.. and…” You bit on your lips hard as you needed a moment before you could finish your sentence. “And we become strangers.” Saying this you looked away from him as you were afraid of what was to happen next.

Both of you stood frozen in the middle of his living room. None of you dared to move or looked at the other. Ace couldn’t bring himself to kiss you as he knew if he just tasted your lips once he wouldn’t be able to stop and he would be craving more and more of you. He licked his lower lip as he glanced at you – you looked so broken and defeated, and he was the one who had done this to you. His heart ached like never before. He had never felt such pain, but there was a first time for everything. A deep sigh left his lips as he shook his head.

“Just go home, we are done here.”

“No, Ace we are no d-”

“Yes, we are done. I don’t want you, okay. This shit is not mutual get it your pretty head.” He was grateful that you didn’t dare to look at him when he screamed at you as you had your head facing the floor. Ace didn’t want to startle nor scream at you, but he had no choice, because he could feel it in himself that if you stood a minute longer here he would break and not only kiss you but just take you in his arms and carry you to his bedroom and show you how much you mean to him.

He had never yelled or acted like this towards you which took you by surprise. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware that Ace had a dark side, but he had never showed it to you. Maybe you didn’t know him that well after all and maybe you were wrong – he might not be lying after all. Maybe he did not feel anything towards you and all you were to him was exactly a doll – something he was having fun with whenever he felt like it.

“Now fucking leave (Y/N).”

Hearing your name leaving his lips meant that he didn’t need to tell you twice. With a trembling lip and eyes full of tears once again you ran away. You opened and closed the front door of his apartment, but the loud sob that threatened to leave your lips escaped before you were able to close the door behind you. You called for the elevator and thankfully it took a few seconds to come. You couldn’t believe it. That was it. That was going to be the last time you and Ace see each other, because after tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to see him ever again. If two nights ago he shattered your heart, then tonight he just ripped it out of your chest and broke it into a million peace. Entering the elevator, you leaned on the wall of it and pressed the palm of your hand to your lips as the moment the door closed another agonised sob had left your lips.

You ran pass him without looking at him, but he did look at you and he could feel his breath leaving his lungs from the sight of your pained face. The sob that left your lips a second before you shut the front door close didn’t slip his ears. Ace could feel his own heart breaking from the pain he had caused you. This was for best. You were going to hate him now but be thankful later in life that he didn’t let you fall further. Right?

But if he was so sure that he had made the right decision then why did he found himself running down the stairs trying to make it in time to the first floor before the elevator hits it. Why did he run out of his apartment so fast and was running down the staris, skipping more than one step at times only to make sure to reach you in time. If he was so sure that he had made the right decision not even a minute ago, why was he standing in front of the elevator’s door waiting for them to open in less than a second from now?

Swim with me I think I can see the beach Just don't look underneath us I need you here with me but we're out in the open

The elevator’s door open and your breath got caught up in your lungs. What was he doing here? Didn’t he hurt you enough? Both of his hands were propped on each side of the elevator as he was trying to catch up his breath, his chest raising and falling fast with each breath while his head was hanged low. The elevator door started to close but Ace put his hand and stopped it and finally looked at you.

It was like his body was working against his will and mind, like his heart has taken control over it and he couldn’t control himself anymore. Before you could say anything as you part your lips with a questionable look written all over your face, he cut the distance between you two and you were in his arms. Pinning you against the elevator’s mirrored wall with his whole body pressed on your, he had one hand on your waist and the other one on the back of your head. You didn’t have a time to react or protest when his lips crashed into yours. At first you were frozen on the spot, shocked from this sudden turn of events, but your hands quickly found their way to his dark messy locks and you buried your fingers in them. His lips felt soft and warm on yours making you melt under his touch. The kiss was burning with passion, the way his lips had captured yours, so aggressively and desperate, yet softly and needy. With your lips parted slightly it allowed his tongue to slip inside causing a little gasp to escape them. He pulled you even closer to his body as if it was possible to get any closer than this and deepened the kiss.

He couldn’t stop. Your lips were like a drug, and he just tasted them for a first time, yet he was already addicted. All his sense everything in him screamed and begged him to pull away from you, even his lungs as they were out of air, but he couldn’t. It was so wrong, yet so right. You in his arms with your lips pressed together while your tongues were met in a burning desire of bottled-up feelings. He could taste the salty taste of your tears on your lips caused by him. You were too good for him, and he didn’t deserve you.

‘Whoever ends up with you will be cursed.’ His aunt words echoed in his mind again. This alone made him pull away and break the kiss apart. Ace opend his eyes and found you with your eyes still closed as you were left breathless with your now puffy lips. He didn’t want to let go of you. Not now, not ever. Not when he has finally done what he was dreaming of doing since that day you two had met. With one hand holding you still steady and close to him on the back of your waist like if you decide to run away, he would not let you go, he moved the one from the back of your neck to your cheek caressing it gently. The skin of your face was so soft and even in your worst state you were still flawless and breathtaking for him. He ran his thumb over your lips – tracing the shape of them and feeling the softness of them, making sure that he would remember it good as the moment you opened your eyes, he let go of you and took a step back.

“A deal is a deal.” He said as he leaned with his hands on the mirror caging you between him and the wall, but his eyes weren’t on you. Ace was looking at himself as he could speak with hatred only at himself. Swallowing hard he spoke up again. “I felt nothing, doll.” His voice was quite and raspy.

He might have not been looking at you, but you were looking at him. Why was he doing this to you? To himself? To you both? You weren’t stupid and he was obviously lying. Because his body and face didn’t match his words. He was in pain, and you could read it all over him, you didn’t need to look in his eyes to know this. But what gave away was the way he kissed you. You didn’t kiss someone with such passion, such need and desire if you didn’t feel anything for them – and Ace kissed you with all this and more. His kiss was burning with desire, not lust – desire. So why was he lying? Why was he hurting you both?

“Liar.”

END NOTE: Damn... what a roller coaster of feelings, hu? I hope you don't hate me much ♡ But this scene and this turn of events have been in my mind for a long, long time so you must understand I had to make it this way, but now as you have read about Ace's past I'm sure that you understand why he is and acts the way he does, because all he needs and wants is love, yet he is been told all his life that he isn't worthy of it... ALSO I GOT MY ELEVATOR, which I just added one sentence in chapter 5 where it says that it was out of service that first time Reader went to his place. Anyway I really do hope that despite the pain these two went through in this chapter you enjoyed reading it and as aways feel free to like, comment, reblog and message me regardless what you thought of it ♡ Thank you for reading my works once again ♡

writing, format & dividers © eand47 fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©eand47, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[nakidoriii]

I’ll Take You (Part One)

Alucard x Reader Mini Series

It had been another day of traveling for Alucard. He’d rather his feet be aching from walking than spending another second talking to dolls he had made of his friends. He found himself in a major city in Europe this evening, which made sense, starting this journey almost a month ago.

“I’m sure there’s plenty to do in a city as lively as this one.” He mumbles to himself, making a brief stop to scan the flyers on the town bulletin board.

“Traveling musicians from the West Indies… it would be a good idea to hear some music. I’ve been talking to myself for far too long. Social interaction would be good.”

Making his way to the tavern, he hears a distinctive song being sung by a perplexing voice. He had never heard anything like it. He follows the tantalizing sound of a woman’s voice, no an angels voice. The sound gracing his ears the closer he got to it. He finally laid his eyes on the source, your skin glistening in the moon light as you sang notes as softly as birds do. Alucard couldn’t tell if he was more amazed by your beauty or your ability to sing so impeccably. As the last note left your mouth, you opened your eyes. Immediately gasping, not expecting to see a blonde man staring at you at the end of the alleyway.

“Don’t be startled. I just heard you singing and I had to come see who was making such beautiful noise.” Quickly reassuring you that he’s not a threat.

“Oh, thank you very much.” As he stepped closer, you take in his striking features. His amber eyes, his long blonde hair that sat perfectly on his head, and his physique…he was quite the looker to you.

“Are you apart of the traveling musicians from the West Indies?” He softly asks, barely opening his mouth.

“I am. I mostly sing, but I also play harp. Are you here for the performance?” Your accent sticking out to his ears. It wasn’t your typical West Indie accent. It sounded like a collaboration of dialects forced into one person.

“I am. It’s a pleasure to meet you….” He paused waiting for you to say your name.

“Y/N.” You admit.

His cold hand reach for yours as he bows while kissing your knuckles and says, “I’m Adrian.” His amber eyes locking onto your (eye color) ones, delicately releasing your hand.

“The pleasure is mine Adrian. I have to be on stage in a few minutes. May we talk more after the show?”

“Yes, please find me. I look forward to it.” You look back as you open the back door into the building taking in his beauty one last time before you perform.

He heads into the tavern, leaning his back against the further wall to get the best view of the stage. You walk out carrying your compact harp, gracing everyone with your beauty. The crowd of evidently drunk men start to cheer. Gliding your fingers against the strings to start the song, the audience quiets down. Your voice complimenting the angelic sound of your instrument makes Alucard’s heart skip a beat. Completely engulfed by your sound, he hadn’t felt like this in years. You make eye contact with him as you play the last chords of the song. The audience bursts in applause.

“Thank you very much. Up next we have our drummers of the west indies.” You walk back stage out of Alucards sight.

Every other act, he got to see you in your true habitat. He could watch you all night and that’s exactly what he did. He stood there waiting for you as the tavern eventually cleared out the later it got. The tavern filled with only regulars now. You make your way over to him with your harp strapped to your back as he flashes you a closed mouth smile.

“Did you like the show?” You look up at him with pleading eyes.

“It was beautiful. You’re very talented, truly one of a kind. You should be performing in halls, auditoriums even. Bravo, darling.”

“Handsome and kind, you’re a rarity. Where are you from Adrian?” Alucard smirks at your compliment, his smile growing alittle bit wider. You get glimpses of his sparkling teeth, his canines looking sharper than average.

“Romania. It’s very cold there. I’m assuming you haven’t been.”

“I have not, but I would love to go one day. You see, I want to travel the whole world. Both my parents were traveling musicians, so it’s ingrained in me. Why do you travel?”

“Bored.” He lets out a small giggle and smiles even wider. “Would you want to go for a walk?” He adds in a low whisper, right next to your ear.

You’re succumbed with goosebumps as his cold presence got closer to you. Alucard knows you can see his teeth and yet you still stand in front of him, nodding your head yes to leave the tavern.

“You’re not afraid?” His breath hitting the side of your neck, jump starting your pulse. Scared was the last emotion you felt. You wanted him.

“If you wanted to do anything, you would’ve done it in that alleyway.” You whisper back.

——————————————————————————

This part one of this mini series!! I took the answers from the poll serious guys. Part one is fluff so you already know part two will be smut.

CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO!

Give me a follow for more one shots and fics :)

Please do not alter or steal my writings ©️

[nonranghaes]

heads up: plus size!fem!reader having an off day (body image issues). reader gets called beautiful.

the feeling slips underneath your skin before you've even realized its hit you. this visceral discomfort, starting in your stomach and taking hold a little too easily. you shrink into yourself, and try to minimize yourself as much as you can today...

and seungcheol, ever the observant one when it comes to you, picks up on it. he waits until you sit back down at the end of the couch before he crawls over, hand coming to turn your face to his as he kisses you.

"hi, beautiful." he murmurs against your lips, already moving in to press soft kisses against your skin for a moment. it's his little way of reminding you that he loves you, but he draws away soon enough to get a better look at you. his hair falls into his eyes a little. "do you want to talk about it?"

you let out a groan, sinking down further into the couch cushions. "you know me too well."

he chuckles. "it's my job. did someone say something? or is it just one of those days?" one of his hands comes to rest at your side, and you nearly shrink away. "honey--"

you let out a sigh. "sorry."

"if you don't want me to touch you, i won't." he adjusts so that he's sitting next to you, careful not to cross a line. "i get it. but you know i'll always think you're beautiful. you've seen me at my worst and you're still here."

his worst is the time seungcheol had the flu a few years back and was miserable for a week. you've always insisted that he gets a free pass when he's sick (he still does, even to this date), but he's always been open about how pathetic that week alone made him feel. like he was crossing a line showing you that side of him so soon. you think it's sweet he let you take care of him (he takes care of you, too, after all). he's seen you sick plenty of times, and he hasn't run away so far...

you just reach out, brushing his hair back from his face. "i think... i need some time to get my thoughts together. and then we'll talk it out. okay?"

"okay." he leans over to kiss you, on instinct, but stops himself short. "if that's what you need."

you just close the distance, nose brushing against his own as you kiss him. "for what it's worth... you're very handsome yourself, my sweet."

seungcheol chuckles, pressing a long, lingering kiss against your cheek before he pulls you into his arms. with a blissful sigh, he curls around you, content already to hold you close. his voice is soft, enough that you don't think he actually means to say it out loud: "we match, then..."

at least you have each other on your bad days. you think you'd rather stay right here than run anyhow: his arms are infinitely warmer to stay in.