#as soon as my mom finishes getting me back on her insurance I’m starting therapy again bc this cannot continue

[sourkitsch]

I should get another tattoo

[anxiousstark]

S2 07 | Restraint

BIG MASTERLIST | TW REWRITE

Stiles Stilinski x Reader! Half-sibling!Mccall

Word count: 

Warnings: Mentions of injuries, murder, swearing (always).

A/N: This is more likely a filler chapter. I swear as chapters go on they get better! I’m so excited for those ones to come out!

↪ PLEASE RESPECT MY WORK. DON’T COPY, TRANSLATE OR CLAIM THEM AS YOURS. NOT ON THIS WEBSITE OR ANOTHER. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.

"You will not go within 50 feet of Jackson Whittemore. You will not speak to him. You will not approach him. You will not assault or harass him physically or psychologically." Noah Stilisnki glanced at us with deception. It broke my heart to see him feeling so ashamed of us. If only he knew everything that was going on.

Jackson had told his father about us, and now Scott, Stiles, and I had a restraint order.

The Hazel-eyed boy gazed around. "What about school?"

"You can attend classes while attempting to maintain a 50 - foot distance."

"Bu-. Okay, what if we both have to use the bathroom at the same time and there's only two stalls available and they're only right next to each other?" Mr. Stilisnki, Melissa, and Jackson's dad sighed, crossing their arms over their chest. "I'll just hold it."

Stiles was bickering with his dad. "Move," Melissa pushed Scott and me slightly. She focused her gaze on her son. "It's not just this. Although, a restraining order is a new low that I didn't think that you would reach quite this soon. It's everything on top of it. The completely behaviour, the late nights coming home, having to beg Mr. Harris for you to make up that chemistry test that you missed." She now looked at me. "I truly didn't expect you to follow whatever these two had in mind while preparing such a stupid joke to Jackson." I felt a pang on my chest, biting my lower lip, deciding that it was better to remain silent.

"I missed a chemistry test?"

"Really, Scott? Really? I have to ground you. I am grounding you. You are grounded." Her eyes again on me. "That goes for you too, young lady. I have to ground you too." I nodded.

"What about work?"

"Fine.Other than work. And no TV."

"My TV's broken." And I didn't watch TV.

"Then no computer."

"I need the computer for school." True.

"Then no, uh, no Stiles."

"What?!" Stiles and I snapped at the same time.

"No Stiles?!" Said boy came closer to us.

"No Stiles!" She shouted, making me and the boy back up. Damn, Melissa was quite scary when she yelled. "And no more car privileges. Give me your keys. Give 'em to me!" Her hands shook a little as she tried to take the car key. "Oh, for the love of God."

"Mom, you want me to-"

"No."

"Mom, come on, let me just, mom. Mom!" He grabbed her trembling hands.

"What is going on with you? Is this about Allison?"

"Do you really wanna know?

"Yeah. Is this about your father?" Stiles nodded in the back, telling Scott to lie. I was too distracted by the mention of our sperm donor. "It is, isn't it? Okay, you know what, um-. We'll talk about this at home. I'm gonna go get the car." It made me think. Why did he leave Scott and Melissa?

"So did you guys get into much trouble?" Allison asked me, her right hand tightly clutching her bag. "Melissa seems like a woman who has a strong attitude."

"She does." I nodded. "She took Scott's car keys, TV, my radio, and no Stiles." I pouted. I opened the door of the library, motioning for her to go first. She grinned at me.

"Woah, no Stiles." She winked while I looked at her confused. "Must be hard for you."

"Uh? What do you mean?" She didn't answer, gazing at the camera that was installed on the top of the wall, walking directly to a determined place. I wanted to ask her again, but if the Argents knew that she was talking to me, hell would break. That is why when we entered the library, I walked away from her, finding Scott and Stiles.

I smiled at both boys, Allison separated from us by a big shelf. From one of the spaces between the books, she slid a tablet. "It's everything Lydia can translate. And trust me, she was very confused."

"Yeah, what'd you tell her?"

"That we were part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures." She replied, making Scott chuckle.

"I am part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures." He gazed at both of them, feeling insulted.

"I-I do too." Stiles's head turned towards me as he heard my confession.

"You do?" I nodded. "Want to come to my house and play together? We could complete all the missions, I'm already on the second part of the new event that finishes on-"

"No way!" I interrupted him. "It started one month ago! How did you get so far?"

Scott grinned, interrupting our passionate talk about our online community. "Okay, does it say how to find out who's controlling him?"

"Not really. But Stiles was right about the murderers."

"Yes!" His aggressive gesture celebrating that he was right almost hit me on the face.

"It calls the Kanima a weapon of vengeance. There's a story in there about this South American priest who uses the Kanima to execute murderers in his village."

"All right, see? So maybe it's not all that bad." I nodded along.

"Until the bond grew strong enough that it killed whoever he wanted it to."

I groaned, punching Stiles's arm playfully. "Why did you have to talk so soon?"

"All bad, all very, very bad."

"Here's the thing, though. The Kanima's actually supposed to be a werewolf. But it can't be-" Allison couldn't finish her sentence as the person in charge of the library got closer to her, trying to organize some books.

"Until it resolves that in its past which manifested it." Scott finished fo her. A chill ran through my body, I knew what was in my past.

"Okay, if that means that Jackson could use a few thousand hours of therapy, I could've told you that myself." If I was the same as Jackson, a Kanima. Would I be a werewolf after discovering what manifested this all?

"What if- It has something to do with his parents? His real parents." That could be me too. Jackson and I could have ended up being this monster for similar reasons.

"Yeah, does anybody actually know what happened to them?"

"Lydia might."

"What if she doesn't know anything?"

"Well, he doesn't have a restraining order against me, so- I'll talk to him myself." That wasn't a good idea. Jackson wouldn't be able to control his instincts if he was mad. And yeah, Allison was a pretty great hunter, but she could still get killed.

"Okay, what do I do?"

"You have a make-up exam, remember?" She grabbed his hand. "Promise me."

"Are they going to have sex right now? Here?" Stiles chuckled after my comment, grabbing my hand, taking me away from them to give privacy.

Scott was trying to past the chemistry test that he didn't attend, and I hoped that he would pass it. Stiles had spent the night before it helping him as much as possible, without Melissa knowing, of course. Remember, no Stiles.

Allison went to talk with Jackson and Stiles with Lydia. Allison didn't let me go with her, saying that she could protect herself, but I felt like something was going to be wrong. Stiles decided that Lydia would shy away if we went in a group to talk to her, so I was resting my back against the lockers while he followed the strawberry blonde girl.

I heard the ticking of a clock inside my head, I groaned. "Y/N?" Scott? Was I hearing Scott inside my head? "Allison needs me. Go get Stiles, he is in trouble. Keep an eye on him?"

"What about your exam?"

"They need me. She needs me, please."

"Go get Allison," I whispered aloud. I started walking fastly, trying to find Stiles. I did, and he was following Erica.

"You can't tell Derek, okay? There's a lot more to this that you don't know about. And just because you got the Alpha bite makeover doesn't give you a license to go around destroying people."

"Why not? That's all anybody ever used to do to me. I used to have the worst crush in the world on you. Yeah, you, Stiles. And you never once even noticed me. Exactly how you're not noticing me right now." Her hand rested on his chest, and I could feel hot all over. I didn't think twice, walking fastly to them, grabbing her wrist.

"I told you," I growled. "Don't touch-"

I was interrupted when the boy's locker room opened, Scott flying in the air, falling brutally into the ground, groaning. Jackson jumped on him, not being able to control himself. I ended up jumping on top of Jackson, trying to free Scott from him. But Whittemore punched me on the chin. Still, I continued fighting until Erica grabbed Jackson, and Stiles grasped me, lifting me from the floor. His arms were tight around my waist, mouth near my ear, letting me know that my eyes were ice blue. "Close them. Close your eyes. Breathe with me." He whispered.

We all ended up getting detention, Jackson had gone out of the room. He was pale and crazily sweating. When he came back, he still looked like he was going to pass out. Mr. Harris had left us on our own, letting us know that we needed to organize the library. I hated that dude.

Erica had let us know that Jackon's parents died in a car accident. Her father was the insurance investigator. Every time he sees Jackson drive his Porsche, he makes some comment about the huge settlement he'll be getting when he's 18. During all this, Stiles was sitting next to her, and she tried to lowkey flirt with him.

Ugh.

"It means he was born after his mom died by c-section. They had to pull him out of her dead body."

"So was it an accident or not?" Allison and I were staring at Jackson while organizing some books. The sooner we finished, the sooner we could get the hell out here.

"The word all over the report is inconclusive."

"Then his parents could have been murdered?" My parents weren't killed. My mom was a murderer, and my dad was an asshole who didn't have the heart to take care of any of his kids.

"If they were, then it falls in line with the kanima myth. You know? It seeks out and kills murderers."

"Then what about me?" I whispered.

"You aren't a kanima," Hazel-eyes peered deep into mine. "I told you before. We would have known that you were the Kanima like we knew that Jackson was." His hand rested on my back. "Don't worry about that. We will continue investigating."

After comforting me, Scott decided that we had to talk to Jackson. They continued talking, but I decided to ignore them. I felt dizzy, so I continued grabbing books, placing them where they belonged. My eyes went to read the title of the book 'Close your eyes, Y/N'. I blinked, a couple of times until those words disappeared, and the real title of the book appeared.

I grabbed another book, glancing at it. 'Obey or they die.'

"Stiles," I grabbed his arm, but he was trying to talk to Allison and Scott, deciding what to do with Jackson. "Stiles," He finally looked at me, a questioning look on his face. "W-What is the title of this book?"

He grabbed the books from my arms, still confused. "To kill a mockingbird." I nodded after his reply, smiling and placing the book where it belonged. I walked around, trying to find Jackson. But I found Matt, laying on the floor, blood dripping from the back of his neck.

"What the heck?" I heard Scott behind me when I turned around to look at him, glass shattered from above us, books falling. Scott threw his body on me, trying to shield me from the glass. "You okay?" I nodded my head, then he called for Erica. We heard her scream, and then, a thud.

We both quickly got up from the floor. We had to check on Erica, Allison, and Stiles. Stiles, was he okay?

Scott ran to Allison, and Stiles asking both of them if they were alright. I took a step to go to them but was stopped by Jackson. Half of his face was squamous, yellow eyes. He pushed me with incredible strength, my back hitting something, making me groan in pain.

Stiles clutched my hand, moving me to them. "Hey, hey. You okay?" His worried eyes examined every part of my face.

"Hurts like a bitch." I answered, grinning to lower his anxiety. Jackson was now acting odd, he was acting like the kanima. He was being controlled. He began writing on a blackboard "STAY OUT OF MY WAY OR I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU." Then he flew out of the library, smashing his body against a window.

We got into our feet, Stiles and I running towards Erica while the other two were too focused on the board. "Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey! I think she's having a seizure." Stiles took Erica into his arms.

"He's alive." Allison checked Matt's pulse.

"Hey, we need to get her to a hospital."

"Derek - only to Derek." Even if her body was shaking, she just wanted to go to Hale.

"When we get her to the hospital-"

"To Derek. To Derek."

"Go." Allison looked deeply into my- Scott's eyes.

"I'm staying here with you."

"He can't take her alone. Not like this. And Matt - I've got to call an ambulance for him, just go."

"Guys," I interrupted. "Take Erica to Derek, now. I will stay here with Allison," I gazed at Scott, who was utterly anxious. "We will be alright." I felt other eyes on me when I turned my head I was met with Stiles's eyes. "Taker her to Derek, okay? Then, come back to me." He nodded.

.

.

TAGLIST: @og-baby-ob14 - @savemypostcards - @cas-loves-pizza - @used-avocado - @mvrylee - @bilesxbilinskixlahey - @honeydoll-stark - @arieltheworldisamess - @softpeteparker - @kit-kat-katie99 - @thatsuperherosidekick - @bexbetterxthanxwords - @big-galaxy-chaos - @littlemiss-forgotten - @enchantedcruelsummer - @coldfreakeggsexpert - @merla123 - @sammypotato67 - @weirdowithnobeardo - @maggiesblogsblog - @itskindyl - @bobo-bush - @moongoddesskiana - @multifandxm353 - @irwxnhugsx - @xoprincessmel - @iclosetgeek - @andreagf956 - @niawoods - @anerroroccurrrrred - @perrytheplatypus11 - @trustfundparker - @nmriia - @steve-harringtonnn - @trustfundparker -

People in bold means it doesn’t let me tag them.

[studying-with-adult-adhd]

The Canadian Healthcare System and Why It Sucks, but Is Still Better Than The US

So, this tis be my diagnosis story. 

When I first went to go see my family doctor about the feelings I was having, I was asked to sit down and fill out a survey of sorts. It was about how I was feeling. I didn’t talk to a doctor. I didn’t get to explain anything. They took those papers away and then my doctor came in and said “Aliesha, I think you may have mild to severe anxiety and depression.” She prescribed me medications and told me to make an appointment with their therapist. 

So, I tried the medication for a few months, while sitting on the wait list for a half hour appointment with a therapist who clearly didn’t want to listen to me and only wanted to tell me what to do. It took me 3 months to get into this therapist. Not once was I sent for any tests to see if it could have been a physical condition (such as a thyroid issue). 

The medication didn’t work. I tried a new one. I waited 3 months between my appointments with my therapist. This time, the medication made me dissociate, which the doctor had no clue what that was. I only found out after talking to my therapist in my clinic years later. I turned 18, and then I was told that I couldn’t see the therapist anymore because I wasn’t a minor. So I got scheduled to meet a new one. Again, it was the same thing. 

I was finally switched to my last anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. It didn’t work None of them worked. Not once was it suggested to me that I could have ADHD because I didn’t have typical symptoms. I had been asking to be referred to a psychiatrist, I even found a few that I thought would work. I was at the end of my rope and I just wanted to find help. My doctor never referred me, told me that there was no reason for me to be referred to one. 

Eventually, I switched family doctors. I met with their clinics behavioral consultant lady. She talked to my new doctor and they referred me to the Emerging Adult Treatment Clinic. There was going to be a wait but they had given me resources. This doctor sent me for blood tests and tried to see what could be causing it. I stopped taking the medication I was on because it just didn’t feel like it was doing anything (PSA: DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR AND REDUCE IT GRADUALLY. THOSE FEW MONTHS WERE LITERAL HELL ON EARTH.) 

About 8 months later, I was contacted by this clinic and was told to come in for an assessment appointment. The clinic was calm. It was mean for children and youth up to 24 years old. As I was talking to the intake therapist, he turned to me and told me “Aliesha, I think you’re a great candidate for this clinic and I’m going to go ahead and book you for orientation.” 

I started crying. Bawling. I told him that it felt good to hear that I was finally going to get help. I told him that if they had denied me, I’m not sure what would have happened. 

Orientation was two group sessions of going through what was going to happen and what type of programs were available to us in the clinic. We were going to be doing individual therapy, where our assigned therapists had us for an hour, and would help us. They would also make suggestions for which program, if any, would be helpful. We were told we would also be meeting with a psychiatrist as soon as we could. 

I started my therapy with my psychologist Natalie. She was absolutely amazing and I wish I could thank her again. I told her what was going on and she asked me what i hoped to gain out of therapy. She asked me what I most wanted to work on. We started on basic necessities. Like eating and sleeping properly. She always encouraged me, she validated me. She made me feel valued again. 

I then got to meet with the psychiatrist. Natalie was also there for all my psychiatry appointments to make notes for our sessions, as well as add anything that she felt was important. My psychiatrist right away had said “Aliesha, I’ve noticed a few things while you’ve been sitting here, and do you think you could possibly have ADHD?” I had said, I never thought about it but you’re the doctor and I’m trusting you. He gave me an option for my treatment. He told me he wanted to start me on medication that day, see if it helped a little, and then we’d go from there. I had a choice. He asked me if I was willing to do that. I told him yes. 

I started Vyvanse 10mg the next morning. Holy shit, I felt like I could do my homework without dying. I was focused. I was happy. I felt like I could do things again. He also had me fill out some questionnaires, and asked if my mom would be willing to fill out one about my childhood. Yeah, looking back on it now, ADHD was definitely there when I was younger too. Things make sense. 

I registered to go back to a in-classroom setting to finish my diploma. Natalie was so proud of me, and wow it felt good to hear someone professional say that they were proud of me and that they could see how hard I was trying. 

I started DBT in this clinic too, and I felt it helped at least a little bit. I made amends with someone I used to go to school with that hated me; we had said some awful things to each other in school. 

I made a complete 180 with the help of this clinic. Even now, after this hell of a year, I am happier. I’m healthier. My thoughts are healthier (though, I still have to work on things). 

I walked with away from this clinic with a discharge paper stating my diagnoses, which are as followed: 

ADHD

General Anxiety Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

and something that is almost PTSD but didn’t quite fit the mold from the DSM. My psychiatrist wrote it down as “Trauma and Stressor Related Disorder”. 

That’s the story of how I was diagnosed. Let me tell you why the healthcare system is flawed. 

I had to wait 4 years to get help. To get proper help. To be listened to. Unless I wanted to pay a ton of money that I didn’t have. I wasn’t listened to because I was a minor. I was told many times by doctors and “therapists” that if I lost weight, my problems would go away. I was told it was normal. 

IT SHOULD NOT TAKE THAT LONG FOR SOMEONE TO FIND HELP. 

I almost killed myself. If I had been denied from that clinic, I probably wouldn’t be here today. I was at the end of my rope and I was fighting to hold on. Not everyone gets to hang on so long. Not everyone is able to. 

SUICIDE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL WE ADDRESS THE FUNDAMENTAL CONCERNS. 

PROVIDE STUDENTS WITH BETTER ACCESS TO MENTAL HEALTH CARE. LISTEN TO THEM. PROVIDE TEACHERS AND ALL ADMIN STAFF WITH TRAINING TO UNDERSTAND AND IDENTIFY SOMEONE WHO COULD BE STRUGGLING. 

MAKE WAIT TIMES LESS. MAKE APPOINTMENTS LONGER. MAKE SURE THE DOCTORS AND ALL HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HELPING YOU. 

Yes, our Canadian Healthcare System is flawed. However, I didn’t have to pay to see my doctor. I didn’t have to outrageous bills after seeing my psychiatrist. The ONLY thing I paid for, was my prescriptions, which without insurance were $166 a month. 

PROVIDE FREE HEALTHCARE FOR ALL CITIZENS. 

[prorevenge]

Manipulative Power hungry Aunt torments my family for years. Costs her $300000

Dealt with my shitty manipulative abusive Aunt all my life, finally got revenge.

Players: Myself (M late 30s), Sister (3 year younger), Aunt (Older "Sister" to my Mother), Mother (Single Mom, adopted, no blood relation to my Aunt). Cousins (3 total, 1M, 2F. I have good relationships with them now, mostly).

My estranged father who had been living several counties over, is pretty much out of the picture by the time my parents got their divorce when I was 9. Due to financial hardship, we were forced to live with my Aunt and the nightmare of a household we would soon find ourselves in. My Aunt married into Georgia "Wealth" and you can figure out what that means on your own. She had 3 kids and eventually caught her husband having an affair. It's a huge scandal, she gets the house, the kids and a fat payout from the family attorney. This is important because my Aunt didn't do a damn thing in her life to earn her money, her house, her lifestyle or basically anything. She was born poor along with my Mom.

Under her household, she was drunk with power. Years of therapy have allowed me to recognize that certain people when in a position of power, get a perverse pleasure in ordering others to do their bidding. She was the strictest of authoritarians in every possible way you could imagine. Chores had to be completed by an exact specific time. Vacuuming by 3:45pm, Dishes by 3:55pm, Laundry days for my Mother us kids were Tues/Thurs 5:35pm-7:55pm. If it was still running, she would shut the power off for the two units. As we grew older, her own kids opted to stay with their father for full time custody and she had them on Weekends. Even they couldn't stand her when she was in charge and in the house. As time passed, she got them less and less opting for alternating weekends as Highschool activities took precedence over time with Mother.

For my sister and I, the large 6 bedroom house was not ours for the taking. My mom had to pay rent as well as rent for 1 bedroom as that was all she could afford on her salary. We had to share a bedroom until my second year of HS. All the while there was 1 spare unused bedroom available at all times. My Aunt needed this for "Guests" when they stayed over. Not one guest stayed there in the 10 years I was under that roof. Finally the church we attended told my Aunt to give up the spare bedroom so my sister can have her own room as it was "unhealthy" for two teenagers sharing a room together like that. That infuriated my Aunt because someone told her what to do in her own household. My sister and I got the brunt of her wrath. As my Mom's salary was tapped out, my sister and I had do extra chores like mowing the lawn, trimming the shrubs, cleaning the pool which we could no longer use without her being outside watching us.

My Aunt's behavior was becoming more and more outrageous and disconnected from society. For example, she had always snapped her fingers when she wanted to get someones attention, but it was getting far more frequent and she would blow up into a tirade if either my sister and I didn't obey. Her own kids tried repeatedly to tell her that the shit she was doing was wrong but she wouldn't listen.Eventually they wanted nothing to do with her outside of the home. She was a tyrant there and repeated intervention to get her to see the folly of her ways would fall on deaf ears.

I Snapped:

All through HS I had no confidence as a person. I was weak willed and growing ever distant from friends and society. I say this in all truthfulness and fear, that had circumstances continued the way they had been going, I could very well had taken a gun to myself or worse, to others around me. I was that bad off.

I had just graduated HS and started my first semester of community college. I'm 2 weeks into my classes attending from home when my Aunt drops a bomb on me. "You owe me $$$ for this months rent, the same amount for next months rent as well. It is the 27th after all. You're an Adult now. You're out of HS and working now, so you need to pay rent" The fuck? I blew a fucking gasket as I yelled back. "You can't just suddenly decide to charge me rent just because you feel like it. I need 30 days notice, I have rights".

My Aunt yelled at me some bullshit excuse that she had discussed this with my mother and it was decided that I needed to pay my own rent now. In some miraculous backbone move, of which I still have no idea how I stood up to her, I yelled right back at her, "If I'm an Adult, then treat me like and talk to me about rental agreements. I'll start paying you rent in 30 days starting the 1st." I turned my back to her and walked away with my fists balled tight. I was furious with anger but I walked away. My Aunt saw my fists from behind and screamed bloody murder that I was going to attack her. No, I wasn't. She snapped her fingers at me repeatedly on my tail to get my attention but I didn't turn around. I needed to cool off and clear my head. As I turned the corner, she grabbed my wrist hard yelling "I'm not finished talking to you". I threw my still balled up fist forward keeping with my stride to break her grip as I hadn't stopped my momentum. This caused her grabbing arm to slam hard into the corner of the wall that I had just turned into. She screamed in pain but I left the house and took off.

The aftermath of that incident was that my Aunt called the cops on me in an attempt to press charges. She was taken to the hospital and suffered a fractured wrist and she was put in a cast/sling (don't know as I never saw it and never inquired further). Her story changed every time she told the cops what happened while my story was spot on every time. I can still recall that moment down to the smell in the house, where I was facing, the working and non-working lightbulbs etc. Forever ingrained in me. I was kicked out of the house and I couldn't visit my sister or my Mom there at the house again. Fine by me as I didn't want to see my bitch Aunt ever again. I was happy to meet my Mother and sister at the local diner or outlet. We could be ourselves there and not hostages in our own home.

Years Later:

My Mom wised up and got out of that abusive relationship with her sister and moved out on her own. She got a temporary nice place, invested wisely and with the help from the church, got help getting a place of her own. In 2009 after the housing crisis, she bought her own place that she could never have afforded on her own prior the Market crash. But some good came out of it. She wept knowing my Sister (and her family) and myself can come visit any time and stay.

Over the years I've been able to forgive my Aunt. Not forget, Forgive. I've let go a lot of my anger and hatred toward her that she put me through. When she has no leverage or control over us, she's a somewhat decent person for being a total bitch of a person. My Cousin's have calmed down, heard my side of what happened those years ago and know what kind of person I am compared to what kind of person their Mother is. They chose to believe me and know I didn't hit her or strike her or beat her across the face like she continues to claim.

The Revenge:

While I have been able to forgive my Aunt for what she has done to me, I cannot forgive her for what she did to my Mother. Kept her in financial hardship for a decade while she sat on a bank account full of cash and assets. Or what she did to my Sister. Forced her to pay for damages because the water heater burst while my Aunt and Mother was away one weekend leaving my sister at home. She didn't discover the flooded rooms for hours. My Aunt's reasoning, "It was her responsibility to watch the house." Not the responsibility of the home owner to maintain/replace the water heater before it goes. Lets leave that Upfront $5000 financial burden before the Flood insurance kicks in on a 16 year old girl.

I've had little to no contact with my Aunt since I was kicked out of the house nearly 2 decades ago. But I do keep in constant contact with my cousins. While I'm not going to divulge what I do for a living, I can say that I work with and for the Government. I've worked my ass off getting to where I'm at today. I'm known for being truthful, wise and giving good advise when asked. Because of this, I often talk financially with my cousins. All of whom are money-smart and are doing well for themselves. They often then relay this information to their scheming mother who has no mind for business and investments. All that money she got from her house sale, her divorce settlement, her previous investments is pretty much gone. I spent YEARS planning on the perfect trap and it took a long time to prepare everything to make sure everything appeared right.

IANAL and I don't pretend to know the law but I do know the regulations and laws pertaining to insider information. This is not that. 100% certain of it and if I ever go to court, I know my lawyer has a solid case in my defense. But is this a grey area, most definitely. I let slip to my Cousins about some future real estate plans near my Aunt's new area of living. It "may" be worth a lot more because of future development taking place in the area. All of that was true and backed up by what was in the News paper and New Construction signs that newly appeared on Google Maps (at the time). The rest was fabricated by myself backed up by actual information I looked up on real estate websites and on projects I was working on through my work.

The Telephone game takes place and a few weeks later I presume, my Aunt starts making phone calls to real estate agents trying to buy lots of Land in the undeveloped shitty area of her new house. Over the course of a few months to a half a year, she spends $300,000 of her last remaining savings on land hoping it will pay out when the area around it gets developed in the upcoming years.

Only, HUD/Government/City doesn't have any plans to develop in those immediate areas. In fact, analysis showed that building in those areas was poor planning and would cost the tax payers twice to three times as much as the land was not environmentally sound. It was best to build 6 miles away.

This post was long overdue because it's been over 2 years since my Aunt purchased Land that is basically worthless. See, she won't sell the land unless she gets at least the same price she paid for it because she's the OWNER of that land. Can't tell her what to do on her own land. Sweet Karma strikes in a way I couldn't possibly have foreseen. My cousin informed me that the value of the land has decreased significantly because it's not environmentally sound to build anything commercial there. But it's zoned for commercial use. Currently 3 of the 4 blocks of land she purchased are just weed farms next to eye sore abandoned buildings or industrial complexes. Nobody can build on it and nor does anyone want to buy it. Sucks to be her!

Best part is, my cousins have absolutely no idea that I set them up for their Mother to take the fall. These environmental results are relatively new and the perfect cover to say why the Project changed locations 6 miles away.

TL:DR Abusive Aunt torments my family and myself for a decade and more. Decades later, I am in a position to trick her buying worthless land. Icing on the cake, that land can't be used for it's intended purpose and has devalued significantly.

(source) story by (/u/Limecherrry)

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

just once, just fucking once I would like to have a reasonably productive long weekend instead of spending most of it too stuck in decision paralysis to actually do much of anything until I reach a point where I feel like I could very well break down crying because I’m too overwhelmed with everything I need to do but I still don’t actually do most of it because the decision paralysis is a huge part of what makes me so fucking overwhelmed in the first place

like. right now probably the most urgent thing is a semi-complicated Etsy commission that the buyer would ideally receive by Dec. 10, which probably means sending it Dec. 7 at the absolute latest. so I should be working on that, right? but it’s going to take a while so it’s a time commitment, especially because it seems kind of pointless to get out a lot of messy supplies to only work on it for a few minutes. and I need to order parts for a different order--well, at least that’s quick. I also really need to reapply thermal paste to my CPU as soon as I can because I think the fan’s getting louder and that can’t be good for anything in there, and theoretically it won’t be that hard, but realistically I’m sure it’s going to take a while and I have to look up a little info on how to do it, first--and it involves my PC being out of commission while I’m working on it, so that’s not something I can do halfway. and while my PC’s open I really need to replace my dead hard drive, which wouldn’t be that hard except I want to install the new one alongside the old one so I can try to clone the dead one onto the new one, which will definitely take time on both the hardware and software sides of things, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later because, again, there’s a lot of stuff I can’t do until I get that done. and I need to send the recent invoices for Hazy’s dental appointment to pet insurance to see if they’ll pay anything, and that should be quick, but nothing ever stays simple. and, shit, I should really do some actual work this weekend because I didn’t get enough done before...and I still need to decide what to do about the vision therapy thing now that it’s clear the best they can do for me is a payment plan for like 36 expensive appointments, ugh. and ah shit I signed up for Yuletide and I’ve done almost nothing, and that’s due...Dec. 17? fuck, that reminds me, I gotta go get a new notebook from my room because I just finished this one, I mean that’s quick and easy but it also means I now have two notebooks that mostly aren’t typed up, which is bad because I can’t do anything with the contents until they’re typed up and of course they’re not backed up (unless I put them in my fireproof safe, and then I’d never get them typed), and typing those is going to take forever, and yeah I’ve been meaning to make it easier on myself by just doing like 15 minutes a day but I haven’t done that at all and they really need to get typed--and, well, I could just do a 15-minute stint, sure, but that seems silly when there’s so much that needs to be done--and, ugh, I’ve sorta been ignoring my email for the last three days and I need to go through that because otherwise I’m guaranteed to miss something I won’t want to miss, but that takes time and it’s going to mean opening up more tabs when there are already too many tabs open (there are always too many tabs open) and I need to deal with those too, and a good share of the emails are probably about Black Friday sales that I’ll probably want to do but that means more tabs and more decisions and shit there’s all that stuff in my Etsy cart that I should really buy sooner rather than later because sometimes Etsy stuff disappears or sells out and then I’ll be sad and frustrated with myself and also some of the things I want to buy are for gifts, which reminds me that I have almost no Christmas gifts yet for anybody, and my birthday is soon so I should probably make some kind of list myself but actually why am I focusing on that at all when the Georgia runoff elections that determine Senate control are in barely more than a month and I need to be writing letters/postcards to voters since I don’t want to phonebank and time zones actually make it really impractical anyway? I was going to do that in a reasonable way this time too, just a few letters a day like I meant to before, use up a lot of these stamps and stuff I still have--and ah fuck it’s been a while since I’ve called my own legislators about anything, I need to do that, that’s theoretically quick because voicemails cut me off at two minutes, although to be able to do that I also have to do at least a little research so I know what’s the most important thing to call about and what to say so that’s more tabs and more time, and I still haven’t fucking reposted the tiny little Endgame fix-it fic I wrote at the end of August, let alone finished anything since then

and I would, on some level, like to work on one of the many, many writing projects that is theoretically close to being done, or one of the recent ones I started because I foolishly and incorrectly thought it was something I could bang out quickly

and on some level I would also like to work on more stuff for Etsy that could be pre-made so it’s not another stress point when I get orders, especially because several things are holiday-specific and some wouldn’t even take that long, but I’d still be choosing to do those instead of more urgent things

and none of that even begins to touch other stuff, like my room that continues to be a disaster and I need to sort through my shit so I know whether I can relist my most popular Etsy item (if I even want to, which I don’t right now because stress), not to mention all the stuff I need to clear out by listing on eBay, and I could do at least one part of that (flatten the boxes I’ve saved for shipping) without committing to a week-long project but even that part would take a solid chunk of time that I should be spending on something more urgent

and we can’t even put up the fucking tree until I move some of my shit away from the spot where the tree goes, which is tough because a lot of it is from work or otherwise theoretically temporary stuff that doesn’t have an actual home, so that’s going to take a while, and then putting up the tree is also going to take a while, and my room is already a disaster so I’d need to clean in there to make room, which would take forever, and for that matter my areas of the living room are generally a disaster too, as always

and while I’m thinking about stuff I brought from work, let’s go back to how I need to do some work stuff because I’m lucky enough to have a decent job with good insurance that can be done from home and I’m still just like...kiiiiiiinda endangering that by not being a functional adult in general? which is at least partly because my brain is a dumpster fire that doesn’t seem to be improving (which is something else to worry about) but regardless of the cause I still have to do something about it? oh yes and speaking of the good insurance I’m kinda endangering by being a fuckup, haha sure hope this knot under my jaw doesn’t turn out to be...you know, the type of bad thing that a knot under the jaw could turn out to be! which is another very good reason I need to stop being a fuckup so I’m not maybe endangering the job that would pay for that, along with all my other medical issues! and also the entirety of our rent because my mom’s really high-risk and the only available jobs she’s qualified for aren’t safe for her to do!

and my knee hurts! and my elbow hurts! and my neck fucking hurts, my head and neck always hurt and I think I’ve been sleeping even worse than usual lately, partly because neck pain and partly just my body fucking hates me, it’s always a problem and I don’t know what to do about it anymore

and now it’s after 8:30 pm and obviously I’ve done none of this, and I’m still tired, and my head and neck still hurt, and there are still so many things I need to do but I can’t choose because the time-consuming things are the urgent ones but I don’t have the time or energy for them and choosing a specific thing (an urgent time-consuming thing, or a less urgent but much quicker thing) means actively choosing not to do one of the other things, and it’s all important, and I can’t fucking choose, and I’m pretty much at a point where I can continue running ever more painful and crazy-making circles in my brain trying to make myself decide something or I can say “fuck it” and do something that would be fun but not urgent or important at all, which I shouldn’t do, so for fuck’s sake I should just pick even one productive thing to do and then maybe let myself do something fun and then get to bed at a good time for fucking once but I still can’t fucking choose and I want to either cry, scream, or possibly hurt myself, and none of this is healthy or productive

and I think possibly my therapist is getting impatient with me for not making much progress and not really having specific goals for our sessions aside from “I hate that my brain is Like This and I want it to not be Like This and no I haven’t done most of the things you’ve suggested and no I don’t have a good reason why, I just want the meds to work so everything won’t be so fucking hard and yes I know that wouldn’t be something you could control even if it was in your wheelhouse, which it isn’t, but I get overwhelmed so fast and I know I need to do better and be better but I don’t know how”

and I wrote this instead of actually doing anything, apparently, because there was at least some chance that dumping it all out would make me feel better or help me see more clearly what I actually need to do, but I think I actually made myself feel worse by articulating just how overwhelmed I am, mostly by things that objectively aren’t actually that difficult or important.

and I still can’t fucking choose.

[athena1138]

Personal rambling/whining/venting to the void. Depression tw

We’ve lost three employees this month. That leaves me and my friend as the only two full time RAs. There’s 4 other people who can fill in, but 1 is in nursing school and 2 are on disability and both dumber than a bag of rocks and 1 is 65 years old and can only work 2-3 nights a week.

So me and my friend are working p much nonstop. We’re fine with it, we both need the money super bad. I’ve got 3 months’ worth of bills to pay and she has a kid. 

I’m just so tired, man. I’m back on midnights which are a large part of what threw me back into my depression, I think. I’m medicated now so it isn’t as bad, but I’m worried about it getting worse despite the meds. It’s a bit better because I’m still able to work a day shift here and there, though, so fingers crossed. 

But like. I’m already slipping. It’s been like two weeks since I had to go back to midnights and I’m already so messed up. I had 3 days off before today and I got completely flipped around so I’m here on this shift having just started with only 1 hour of sleep and I don’t get off for 10 more hours. 

I’m so tired that I haven’t managed to watch last week’s episode of Critical Role because I can’t focus long enough to finish it, so that means that I can’t watch this week’s. I’m disappointed about that because I hadn’t missed an episode since quarantine before last week. Thankfully there won’t be an episode next week so I have time to catch up, I’m just bummed because I love watching live. I love seeing everybody else freak out at the same time as me and it’s vain but I love when I make a post in the moment and it blows up. 

I’m so tired that even though I have 10 hours in this shift, I know I won’t be able to watch last week’s episode because, again, I can’t focus long enough. I’ll be lucky if I don’t fall asleep like I have been since getting put back on this shift. 

And I have creativity for the first time in months. I have ideas, things I want to write, things I want to explore. But I don’t have the energy. I’ve managed to crank out 2 things this month, and 1 of them is the start of a whole new multi-chapter fic which I’m excited about, but again. No fucking energy. 

And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how I did it so long before. I got so burnt out last time I had to do this that I didn’t recover until I had my gallbladder out and was forced to stay home for 2 weeks because I was in so much pain. God knows how long it’ll take me to recover from this now as I’m fairly certain the rest of my organs are moderately healthy and likely won’t need to be removed anytime soon. 

It’s hard on my friendships, too. I get to see my friend for about half an hour in the mornings when she comes in, but then I go home and after a few hours I have to go to sleep and by the time I get up, there’s only a few hours I can talk to her before she has to go to bed. My other friend who lives in town, I’m lucky if I can see her once a week because she has to fill in for an evening shift. The other two friends I have live out of town/state so we rely solely on social media to keep in touch, but the one goes to bed about the time I wake up for the night, and the other usually goes to bed halfway through my shift. 

It’s lonely, man. It’s lonely and stressful and I don’t know how long I can hold on before we get people hired. 

I also still haven’t gotten my fucking raise yet. 6 months after asking and 2 months after almost getting fired for bitching about it on facebook and I still don’t fucking have it. 

This is all just made worse by the fact that it’s the holidays. I fucking hate the holidays. My mamaw is basically forcing me to go to Thanksgiving even though I specifically took shifts on the day before and day of so I wouldn’t have to. This year she decided to give a shit and ask what times I work so they can plan around me for a change which I guess is touching but also I really don’t fucking want to go. And xmas music is already playing on the radio which is annoying in itself but also upsetting because I know I can’t get people presents this year because I’m paying my mom’s bills still. 

I can’t even fucking start therapy because my mom may lose her insurance any moment because she’s been trying to get on disability since January and thus hasn’t been working, so I can’t risk starting something and then losing insurance halfway through. My only saving grace is this fucking zoloft that’s too low dose but I keep forgetting to call my doctor to talk to him about it because I’M ON FUCKING MIDNIGHTS NOW. 

I’m losing it, guys. I’m slipping so bad. But I can’t just not work this shift. It’s guaranteed 5 nights a week and someone has to work it but I’m the only RA trained on it and the other woman who works it is, again, 65 fucking years old and can’t do it every night. I know if I really wanted to, I could tell my boss I can’t do it anymore and make it his problem like it should be, but I don’t want to risk my job because I know he’s still considering me to be on probation for the social media slip (which didn’t even violate hipaa but whatever.) And when my boss is mad, he makes life hell for the rest of us. Me and my friends are actively afraid of him. He, a 45 year old tall, muscular man, has yelled at us 21 and 25 year old girls, 2 of whom have experienced abuse at the hands of men before. I’ve heard that he’s thrown things in manager meetings. He almost threw something in our last RA meeting because of my social media slip. But we can’t get him fired because he’s chummy with the regional manager. 

So I’m stuck here. I can’t just find another job because there’s a pandemic on, this job is 2 blocks from my house which will be good when our car gets repoed, and it pays $10/hour which is higher than most everything else in town. Plus when I’m not depressed and can work other shifts, I really do enjoy it. 

I’m just so tired. 

[let-it-raines]

Rising from the Ashes (17/?)

When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be. And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones.

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be. 

Rating: Mature

A/N: Remember that thing I said about a happy ending? They’re (and you guys) are getting one💜

Soon! I’m sorry to those I mislead! I didn’t realize that. Oops. They’re getting one when the story is over, I promise 😘

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current 

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Tag list: @ultraluckycatnd @jamif @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64  @thejollyroger-writer @tiganasummertree @snowbellewells @blowmiakisscolin

“How does that make you feel?”

She cuts her head to look at Dr. Lawrence and the way she’s tapping her pencil against her notebook, the one where she most likely writes down “Emma Swan is crazy” over and over again. It’s what she would write down if she were her own therapist because damn, sometimes she is crazy.

“Isn’t that a little cliché to ask me how that makes me feel?”

She sighs, her shoulders heaving the slightest bit, and she rolls her eyes. She likes Dr. Lawrence. She really does, but sometimes all she wants to do is take that notebook and rip it into pieces. She’s been coming here for two months now, since late February, and April isn’t bringing her any new revelations. Not that she thought therapy would. She just wanted to talk to someone else who wasn’t so emotionally invested in her life, to talk to someone who won’t get hurt by the things she has to say. They’re not all great, and she’s only a little ashamed by that. That’s what she’s supposed to be working on though.

“It is, yes, but I think it’s a legitimate question to ask when you’ve been circling around saying that it bothers you that Killian hasn’t proposed yet.”

Her lips press together in a firm line, a sour feeling settling in her stomach and making it twist into something that has to be unnatural. Feeling this way has to be unnatural. “I did not say that.”

“Not in those words, but you did.”

She sighs again, unable not to, before falling back on the couch and rubbing at her eyes, most likely making her mascara run and create some kind of weird, smoky eye raccoon look. This is a really uncomfortable couch, the cushions almost like rocks. Shouldn’t the thing be more comfortable? Aren’t people supposed to feel comfortable in here? That’s a thing, right?

“I’m not,” she starts, not really sure where the words are going as she uncovers her eyes and looks up at the paneled ceiling. They should do that in the living room. It’d look nice. “I’m not upset that Killian hasn’t proposed. Us getting married has never been a top priority for us, you know? We love each other, and a piece of paper and a diamond ring isn’t going to make us love each other more.”

“But it is more of a commitment.”

“Technically, yeah. With the whole legal aspect and all. I don’t – I don’t know. I want  to marry Killian. I really, really do. And I know he wants to marry me. He’s had a fucking ring for at least five months now, had to have had it for a few months before that, and he’s never asked me.”

“You’ve had a lot going on.”

She chuckles darkly, her stomach untwisting and sending that unpleasant feeling to her throat so that she feels like she could vomit all over the hardwood floor in here. That would probably be an extra fee that insurance doesn’t cover. “What? You mean like my dead ex-husband coming back from the dead, having to explain to him ‘hey honey, I moved on from you and am in love with your friend and can’t make you happy like that anymore. By the way, I realized most of our marriage was shit, but I can’t harbor any resentment toward you because you’re a hero and the father of our kid and have been through more bad things than I thought possible. Plus, you know, I did love you at one point and you’re a nicer guy now.’”

She finishes her words on a long breath, her shoulders releasing some of their tension, before she twists her head to the side and looks at Dr. Lawrence furiously scribbling notes down. Great, she’s probably going to get put into a mental institution now. Can her therapist do that?

Probably not.

God, she has got to get a grip.

And stop on the way home and get something for dinner so her mom isn’t forced to feed her when she picks Henry and Ada up from her house. Killian’s working late on some project with Robin that she cannot wait to be over. She swears that it’s aging him by ten years some days. He’s always so tired and stressed. Sometimes she wonders if he needs a new job, one that’s less stressful and reminds him less of his time in the Navy, but whenever she brings it up, he always says that he’s happy there and that the money is good. She believes him, but it doesn’t keep her from worrying about him and wanting to work on the stress that’s in his shoulders and between his brows.

Dr. Lawrence still doesn’t say anything, and for some reason this bothers her enough to make her keep going, to keep rambling.

“And I guess…things have calmed down now. It was like I was walking a tightrope for a long time, and I wasn’t allowed to trip or fall, you know? Because if I did, things fell apart. I had to be strong for Henry and for Ada. I had to be strong for Neal too. And Killian, even when we were going through that…even when we were going through that rough patch. But I failed, you know? I felt so lost and helpless. Sometimes I felt worthless, which is not an uncommon feeling for me but recently, it wasn’t a usual one. It took me a long time to get over Neal’s death, to get over being abandoned again, and Killian just made me feel so – he made me feel solid. Happy. Good. He was there for me when I felt like I had no one. He listened to me cry over my husband’s death. He listened to me cry over raising a baby alone. He listened to me. And he let me be me, which was something I didn’t have a lot.”

She smiles to herself thinking of it all, of all of the times Killian has been there with her and for her throughout the years, all the way back to them meeting in Oceania and him making her laugh. He’s always making her laugh.

“He’s my best friend on this planet. I can be myself when I’m with him, and he has held my hand through the shitstorm that have been parts of my life, even when I didn’t want to let him. I love him, you know? And I’m badass, by the way. Just thought that needed to be said. I’m badass and totally could have made it on my own, but Killian…with him I get to be strong and independent while also having that hand holding mine for comfort and support. He’s made my life so much better. He’s given me Ada, and really, he’s given me Henry too. So, yeah, I guess I am bothered by the fact that he hasn’t proposed yet. I’m worried that maybe he’s changed his mind again. I shouldn’t really. I know he loves me. He doesn’t let me doubt that. I just…I want to be with him fully. Hell, I want me to not have a different last name than both of my children. I want to marry him, and yeah, a part of me is worried that he doesn’t want to marry me, that everything with Neal has made our entire relationship be altered.”

Once the words are out, she knows that she can’t take them back. She doesn’t want to take them back. This is…this is her life and her emotions and she needs to feel them. It feels really good to say all of that, and honestly, she wants to say more. She wants to talk more about Killian and more about Neal. She wants to go back to what they were talking about last week and how Neal’s moving has affected everyone, especially Henry. She wants to talk about how terrified she is being a parent and putting her kids in such stressful, life changing situations.

She wants to talk.

But the clock on the wall says she only has ten minutes left, and she figures that Dr. Lawrence has to have something to say or else she’s been writing on that notepad for nothing.

She reaches up to wipe her eyes, to wipe away the tears that have been furiously falling without her permission before her hand lands on her pendant. She’s going to have to make herself look less puffy. She doesn’t even remember when she started crying.

“I think Neal coming back has altered your relationship,” Dr. Lawrence begins, and Emma sits up on the couch, straightening out her shirt and her back as she sniffles. “How could it not? Besides the emotional trauma and joy of having him be found alive, it’s completely changed your life. You and Killian are no longer parents to Henry alone. You share that responsibility even if the two of you carry the load. Your ex-husband is no longer a dead man. He’s a real human being with thoughts and feelings that aren’t always going to be perfect, so you have to adjust to that too. For as much change as you’ve been going through, Killian has been going through something too. You have to give him the emotional time to adjust as well because while I don’t know the man, I do know that he cares about you and is probably putting your feelings above his.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe Killian thinks that you’re not ready yet, that he thought you were still going through too much emotional upheaval until you two talked about it a bit – ” she looks down at her notebook, eyes seemingly searching for something “ – two weeks ago.”

Ah, so maybe she does actually pay attention.

“Does that really count as talking, though? I literally just hinted around at it.”

She smiles. “But it’s a start.”

-/-

“Henry, you have got to put your shin guards on so that we can go.”

“I can’t find them,” he shouts back over the railing.

“Of course you can’t,” she mutters to herself, rolling her eyes a bit as she looks down at Ada who is currently banging her hands against the wall and giggling to herself. Kids are so damn weird sometimes. She doesn’t understand what the purpose of banging her hands against the wall is, but if she’s about to have to go upstairs and help Henry find the rest of his soccer uniform, she can’t leave her down here by herself despite how much baby proofing they’ve done.

Her entire house is metaphorically wrapped in bubble wrap, and Ada still manages to find ways to nearly kill herself just by exploring.

This is terrifying.

How is Killian not back from his run and the grocery store yet? He’s already supposed to be here so they can go to the fields together like they’ve done every Saturday this spring. He already missed their usual breakfast, so he really needs to show up soon. Maybe he’s stuck in traffic or there was some kind of freak watermelon accident and there are watermelon all over the road. Or maybe he ran into someone he knows. She doesn’t know, and even though she really shouldn’t be angry at him right now, she’s had a bad morning and needs him.

And she misses him. He’s here, always right here, but he’s felt so distant lately, so far away. She felt so good after her therapy appointment on Tuesday, like she was ready to talk to him and finally fix things and have all of her emotions centered, but she’s barely gotten a chance to talk to him in the three days since. Both of their jobs have been busy, the kids have been insane, and then she had to deal with Neal cancelling his trip into town this weekend. She understands, really, but Henry understanding is different. He misses his dad, and if the hour long phone call last night is any indication, Neal misses Henry too.

Her life is a constant ebb and flow of being all together and all falling apart.

No, her life is good. She’s just been stressed the past few days. That’s all.

“Come on, bug,” she sighs, stepping toward Ada and picking her up, wondering when in the world this kid got so heavy. Ada lets out what has to be an actual, blood curdling scream and starts thrashing around while Emma carries her up the stairs. “Ada, shhh, it’s okay. We’re just going upstairs. You don’t have to have a meltdown.”

That somehow only makes things worse, the cries going up another decibel, and she resigns herself to this as she walks down the hallway into Henry’s room. There are clothes scattered everywhere, his notebooks spread across the floor. When in the world did his room get to be such a mess? He has to clean that tonight or tomorrow. It cannot stay like this.

“I can’t find them,” he whines again, tossing a pair of shoes out of his closet, the pair of converses landing on one of his books.

“Have you checked in your bag?”

“That’s the first place I looked.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he shouts, coming out past the doorway and running his hands through his hair, yanking at the brown strands. “Why is Ada so loud? Make her stop.”

“I’m trying, kid.”

“Try harder.”

“Hey, no,” she says sternly, trying not to yell to escalate the situation, “you do not get to tell me what to do, especially not being loud and harsh like that. I understand that you are upset and can’t find your shin guards and that your sister is being really loud. I get that. I don’t like it either, but yelling isn’t going to solve any of our problems.”

“Ada is yelling.”

“Henry,” she sighs while Ada lets out another loud cry. Shit, this is not a good day. It’s not even ten in the morning yet. “Ada is a baby. She can’t really talk. You know this. I’m going to text your dad and ask if he knows where your stuff is.”

“How would my dad know if he doesn’t live here anymore?”

Her stomach drops for a moment before she realizes that she used the wrong term for Killian. It’s usually not confusing, but sometimes it’s so easy to slip up like that.

“Your daddy,” she corrects. “I’m going to text your daddy.”

“Killian is not my daddy. He’s my step dad.”

Her stomach really does drop then, a heavy anchor weighing her down and making it nearly impossible for her legs to stay steady and her arms to stay strong against a still wailing Ada, even if her cries are beginning to calm down. What did…what did Henry just say?

Why did he just say that Killian isn’t his daddy? She knew that sooner or later he’d feel too old to call Killian his daddy, that he wouldn’t always call him by the name he started calling him when he was five, but he’s not supposed to be calling Killian his step dad. Yeah, that’s pretty much what he is, technically, but that’s also not what he is. He’s his dad. He’s the man who raised him, and Henry should never think otherwise when that used to be all he knew.

“Where did you learn that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Henry.”

He huffs, crossing his arms over his chest while his lips curl downward. Does she have the most dramatic kid in the world? Probably not. But he seems to be going for that title today. She’s just waiting for him to start crying or throwing things. Or hopefully not throwing things. That would be a disaster.

This day is kind of a disaster.

At least she hasn’t gotten to the point where she has to take away Henry’s games yet.

“My dad told me that’s what Killian is.”

Motherfucking hell.

She’s going to start crying.

And throw something.

Maybe throw Neal. Definitely throw Neal. He’s bigger than her and hundreds of miles away, but she could get it done. She could. Absolutely. All of those stories about mothers raging to protect their children – one of those is going to come true after she figures out what the hell is going on. Neal wouldn’t have told Henry that. He wouldn’t have. But then why would Henry have said that? He obviously knew he wasn’t supposed to tell her before she pushed him into saying it, so he was probably trying to protect his dad.

But why would Neal have told Henry that in the first place when they explicitly told him over and over again that this is how their family situation works?

It must be some kind of misunderstanding. It has to be. Neal wouldn’t do that, and if he did, it has to be a mistake, a slip of the tongue. She’ll call him later and get it all straightened up. It’ll be fine. Right now she really just has to focus on Henry and this situation and getting him to his soccer game.

Swallowing the gulp caught in her throat, she puts Ada on the ground, figuring that’s probably all that she wants to stop this crying, and squats down so that she’s at eye level with Henry, reaching up to brush his hair off of his forehead while he stares at her with those watery chocolate brown eyes.

“Kid,” she whispers quietly, curving her lips into a small, hopefully reassuring smile while she keeps pushing his hair back, “I need you to listen to me, okay?”

Henry nods his head up and down, his little shoulders heaving while Ada has managed to make her way to Henry’s bed and is holding herself up on it. At least she’s not banging on the door.

“Killian is your daddy. You can call him Dad if you want to, if you feel too old to be calling him Daddy. That’s okay. You are a very special kid, and like I’ve told you before, you get to be lucky enough to have two dads who love you and care for you more than anything in the world. Not every kid gets that like you do.”

“But Dad told me when we were on the phone that Kil – that my daddy is my step dad. Like how Ella has a step mom.”

She doesn’t know how to explain this. It was easier when Neal was dead, which is a horrible thing to think. But Henry understood it much more easily then. He embraced it more. Now he’s older, though, and has an entirely different situation for his life.

She wishes Killian were here. He’d help and know what to do and know what to say despite the fact that this would break his heart even more than it’s breaking hers.

“It’s…it’s grown up things. I,” she sighs, running her free hand through her hair and trying to think while her thighs begin to ache from this position. “You know how when we told you about Ada being born, we told you it was because Mommy and Daddy loved each other and that helped to make her?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, back when your dad and I were married, we loved each other and made you so that we could love you.”

“I know.”

She smiles at him again, making sure that her eyes don’t leave his except to glance over to Ada as she plops down on the ground and starts messing with some of Henry’s books. Thank God she’s stopped crying. That was miserable. Her entire life was about to implode in the span of five minutes.

“But then your dad disappeared, and I didn’t have him to help me love you or me anymore. But your daddy came along and he fell in love with me and  with you. And he was around to help you learn how to walk and talk, just like he is with Ada. He took you to the pool to go swimming and to the playground. He went to all of your school plays and all of your birthday parties. He tucked you into your bed at night and read you stories, and he’s spent so much time loving you and me and your sister that I don’t think we can even imagine how much he loves us.”

Henry nods his head, and she desperately hopes that he understands. She doesn’t understand how to explain this without scarring Henry for life about sex when he is so not ready for that. She knows that some parents are fully open with their kids about things like that, but it’s not her parenting style.

“So he and my dad are the same?”

“Y-yeah,” she sputters, knowing that she needs to attack this conversation with a better plan later but thankful that things have seemed to calm down. “They’re the same. They’re both your dads, and they both love you so much that I bet your arms don’t even stretch out that far.”

Henry sticks out his arms to test the theory out, and she can’t help but chuckle at that. He has such childlike innocence and faith for someone who keeps having his life changed and uprooted, and even though she still feels like a frayed wire right now, she knows that she has a set of good kids in her life.

Leaning forward, she wraps Henry up in a hug and holds him as tightly as she can without smothering him. He hugs her right back, and she feels a little of the lead that’s in her stomach dissipate.

“Come on,” she says as she pulls back, “we’ve got some shin guards to find and a soccer game to go to.”

They find the shin guards in the kitchen of all places, and even though they have to practically sprint across the fields to get to his match, they make it in time. She knows a lot of the other parents there, a lot of them have kids in Henry’s class, but she prefers to sit under this tree in the shade with Ada. It’s at the corner of the field, so she still has a clear shot of Henry and he does of them.

Emma: Where are you?

Emma: We’re already at the fields. Hope you get here soon!

Emma: We’ve had quite the morning. Can’t wait to tell you about it later.

She puts her phone down on the blanket and pulls Ada back to her so that she can adjust her hat on her head, making sure she’s totally shaded while she slathers more lotion on her.

“Mama,” Ada babbles, grabbing at her necklace with enough force that she could snap it. Emma has to immediately grab Ada’s hand and move it away before twisting the necklace around so that Ada can’t see the diamonds. “Mama. Mama. Mama.”

“What?” she laughs, scrunching her nose up when Ada tries to grab at it too. “Baby, you’re driving me crazy today. Nothing makes you happy, and you’re going to either rip my nose off or break the necklace your daddy gave me.”

Ada giggles at that, like it’s the funniest thing in the world, and Emma can do nothing more than shake her head as she continues to get Ada’s arms with lotion. She’s wearing a United jersey with Jones written across it that Killian got her. He’s so extra sometimes, and this is a prime example of it.

She kind of loves that.

Plopping Ada down on the blanket in front of her, she snaps a picture of her back with the soccer field in front of her, and sends it off to Killian, hoping that he’ll answer this one since he hasn’t answered any of her other texts and calls. She’s trying to ignore that and convince herself that it’s fine, but there’s this weird, sinking feeling that’s stayed with her all day. Maybe it’s the stress, or maybe it’s something else entirely.

Emma: Henry’s number one fan!

The rest of Henry’s game (or is it match? She’s really not sure.) goes by pretty quickly. He’s at the age where the kids are actually pretty competitive, so it’s not so much all of them running around and kicking balls in the wrong goal as it is them legitimately trying to win the game. Not quite as cute as it used to be, but Henry likes it. That’s all that really matters.

“Did you see me kick that goal?” Henry gasps when he runs over to her after the game, his hair covered in sweat and grass stains covering his knees. “It was awesome.”

“It was awesome,” she agrees, holding her hand up for him to high five him before holding Ada’s hand up so that she can do the same, even if it’s not with quite the same impact.

“Where’s Daddy?”

“He got called into work,” she lies, not too sure how to handle this situation. That seems to be happening a lot lately. “He’ll be home later, though.”

The smile that was on Henry’s face instantly fades, the upward curl twisting down. “He didn’t see my game?”

“No, kid. He didn’t. But he wanted to.”

“He promised that he’d come to all of my games.”

“I know,” she laments, bringing him into her side. Poor kid. Both of his dads have bailed on him this weekend, and she knows that if it’s just today, it won’t mess with him too badly. But if it’s…if it keeps happening, well, it can’t keep happening. She won’t let it keep happening. “But sometimes things happen that make us break our promises. I’m sure your daddy is so sad about not getting to see you score that goal.”

“Yeah,” Henry sighs, his shoulders sagging forward as she starts to pick up all of their stuff so they can walk to the car.

It doesn’t take long even navigating through all of the kids and parents, and soon enough she’s driving out of the soccer complex and on her way home with the kids so that Henry can get showered and Ada can take her early afternoon nap. The music cuts off in the car as a phone call comes in, and she hits the button on her steering wheel to accept Neal’s call, leaving it on speaker since he’s probably calling for Henry anyways. Good. If he can’t fly home this weekend because of work then at least Henry will have this.

“Hey, Neal,” she greets, pulling up to a stop light and inching closer to the car in front of her.

“Hey, Ems. How are you?”

“Good, good. We’re on our way home from Henry’s soccer game. Kid, why don’t you tell your dad what you did today?”

“I scored a goal,” Henry shouts from the backseat, his voice far too loud. “It was really cool. Avery kicked the ball to me, and I kicked it right past the Dragons’ goalie. She couldn’t stop me.”

“That’s awesome,” Neal laughs. She can practically imagine the smile on his face, and it makes something in her heart settle thinking of how much Neal is here for Henry even when he’s physically away.

-/-

-/-

“Come on, Emma, push.”

“I can’t,” she cries, holding onto the handrails over the bed while a contraction roars through her body, making all of her limbs shake as she feels herself shutting down, feels her will to keep going fading. “I can’t do this by myself.”

“I am right here, Hon,” one of her nurses soothes, holding onto her hand even though Emma doesn’t know her name. She should know her name. She’s the woman who is by her side while she delivers her son. If she’s the only one going to be here, Emma should know her name. It’s too painful to ask. “You’re doing just great. So is your baby. His heartbeat is so strong, yeah. He gets that from you.”

“He’s okay? He’s still doing okay? This isn’t – this isn’t hurting him, ah, too much?”

Her nurse squeezes her hand, holding on tightly as she watches people move between her legs. She’s officially had her vagina stared at by more people than she ever thought would stare at it, and even though she doesn’t want to think about that and what’s happening right now, it’s all that she can focus on.

If she doesn’t, she’ll think about Neal.

He should be here.

He should be here holding her hand and helping her through this.

He should be here to hold his son when he’s born.

He should be here.

But he’s not. He can’t help it. He’s training. This is what he has to do. This is his job. He’s helping so many other people, and that’s what she has to remind herself. That’s what she has to keep repeating over and over again as she suffers through labor. Why did no one tell her how much this hurts? They did, but it was in broad terms. It wasn’t like this. It was never described like this. Everyone always glossed over it and told her that it would be all over and she’d have her baby in her arms and that everything would be okay.

How is this okay?

How is any of this fucking okay?

She’s by herself.

She’s alone and has no one here but this nurse who she still doesn’t know the name of to help her. Neal isn’t here. Ruth isn’t here. Neither is David. Or Mary Margaret. Mary Margaret would be good at helping here. She’s been through this. She’s so soothing even when she’s annoying and pushing all of her opinions on Emma.

She doesn’t even have any friends here. All of her friends are mostly Neal’s friends, and she doesn’t know any of them well enough to ask them to be here.

Why didn’t she make more friends? Why didn’t she keep some of hers from freshman year? She had friends, didn’t she? She had people she talked to and got lunch with. She knows that she did. She had to.

She’s been alone for so much of her life, but right here, right now, is the last place she ever thought she would be alone.

She can’t do this. She can’t. It’s too much.

Maybe she’s not meant to be a mother.

She can’t be one.

How could she when she didn’t have one for most of her life?

“I can’t be a mother,” she cries, tears stinging hotly behind her eyes while her contraction begins to wane. She knows it’s only a brief moment of reprieve. Her son is almost here. She knows that he is, that has to be. She’s been suffering in here for too long for him not to be here soon. She needs him to be here. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, Sweetie,” the nurse promises her, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles. Neal always does that, and it’s so damn soothing. She misses him. He should be here. She can’t stop thinking that. He should be here. “You can be a mother. It’s just scary right now, but you’re doing great trying so hard to help this boy come into the world.”

“But I’m alone,” she whispers, the words barely escaping her lips before they get captured by a sob, one that moves her shoulders and makes her vision completely blur.

She’s alone.

She thought she finally wouldn’t be, but she is. She’s alone and terrified.

But she’s been alone for most of her life, and the sad truth is that she knows how to deal with it. She knows how to deal with handling things by herself, how to deal with pain and happiness, with loss and with celebration.

She knows.

So she can do it. She can get through it. She has to.

She can be a mother.

She can be a mother for this kid. Maybe even for herself too.

Her eyes haven’t seen this kid outside of a black and white picture. Her hands haven’t felt him move except for the hard kicks to her ribs that have taken her breath away. Her arms haven’t held him except when she’s cradled her bump at night.

She doesn’t know anything about this kid, but she knows that she loves him. She knows that she wants to be his mom and to be there for him for every day of his life.

She knows.

This is her son, and she can do this.

And she does.

Even with the epidural, it’s possibly one of the most painful things she’s ever experienced, and she knows that doesn’t go away anytime soon. All of the books told her that about the recovery. But there was no way they could tell her the pure joy that she feels holding this red, squirmy baby in her arms. He’s beautiful. He’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen in her life, and she made him with her body.

She and Neal made him.

They’re parents. They’re freaking parents.

She can’t wait to tell him, to let him know that his son is here, but right now all she wants is to spend time with her boy, to get to hold him and never let go.

She’s never letting go.

“Hey, Henry,” she sighs, rubbing her finger across his cheek while he looks up at her. He has Neal’s nose. She always thought people who could tell who a baby looked like when they’re born are crazy, but her kid has Neal’s nose. “I’m your momma. I am. You are so precious, and I love you so damn much. I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what I’m saying, so that curse is just between you and me, okay? Yeah? Just between you and me. Your daddy never has to know.”

“You did a great job,” her nurse sighs as she stands at the door. “That’s a good baby with a healthy mom.”

“Thank you,” she whispers, leaning her head back against the pillow. It feels so comfortable, but she’s not ready to go to sleep quite yet. “It really means so much to me to have had someone to hold my hand throughout all of that.”

“It’s certainly not a problem.”

“Hey, what’s your name? I’m sorry I didn’t ask before. I was kind of busy.”

“Ingrid.”

“Thank you, Ingrid.”

Ingrid walks out of the room, and she turns all of her attention back to Henry and the roundness of his eyes, the dark lashes. He’s so bald, but he’s got this one little patch of dark hair. He’s beautiful. Just beautiful. And not crying, which she thinks she likes most of all.

“I think you and I are going to be good friends, kid,” she tells him, letting him grasp onto her finger. “Like, you eat food from my boob, so it’s pretty much a given that we’re going to be close. Just saying. My body has gone through a lot for your existence, and I expect some good mother’s day gifts someday. Your daddy knows what I like. Oh, I can’t wait for you to meet your dad. You’re going to love him. He’s so funny. I bet he’ll make you laugh all of the time, yeah? But not as much as me. Don’t tell your dad, but I’m so much funnier than him. He has no idea.”

Throughout the rest of the day, nurses and doctors come in and out to check on both she and Henry. She knows that she takes a lot of naps, but it’s all a bit of a blur for her as some of the pain starts to kick in and she struggles getting Henry to eat. Once he does, though, she feels like infinitely less of a failure. It’s a weird feeling, being so devastated by something that’s really not in her control, but she has to keep reminding herself that she’s not going to be perfect at this and that things are going to go wrong. Hell, so many have already.

But Henry is here and healthy, and that’s all that matters. That’s always been what matters.

“Thanks for making me not be alone anymore, kid.”

-/-

-/-

Neal and Henry talk for the rest of the ride home, but really, it’s mostly Henry going on and on about his game and saying the same things several times while Neal pretends it’s brand new information to him. When she pulls into the garage, the door shutting behind them, she switches the call to her phone so that she can talk to Neal for a little bit while she sends Henry inside to take his shower, hoping that he’s actually going to wash himself instead of simply standing under the water.

“Thanks for calling him today,” she tells him as she rocks Ada back and forth in her glider, hoping that she’ll fall asleep soon and not have another meltdown. “It was kind of a big day for him, and you have no idea how much that means to him.”

“Of course. He’s my kid. Just because I’m not at home anymore doesn’t mean I’m not going to be there for him.”

Her heart lurches, practically dropping to the pit of her stomach, and she has to hold back the tears that are threatening to push through. That’s literally all she’s ever wanted since the day Henry was born.

“That’s good,” she sniffles, adjusting Ada in her arms. “You’re a good dad. You’ve done such a good job adjusting to being a parent to an eight-year-old who likes to talk back and who you can’t just cuddle with to make them stop crying.”

Neal hums on the other end of the line. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You sound a little upset.”

“I – ” she begins, almost ready to spill all of her thoughts to Neal, but she bites her tongue to hold herself back. She’s not about to share how upset she is with Killian with Neal. That’s pretty much asking for disaster. She knows that they have a good relationship, a good friendship, but they’re not the kind of exes who talk about their love lives with each other. Not in graphic detail. They talk about Henry and the movies and old times. She doesn’t tell him her intimate thoughts, not anymore. “It’s been a long day. The kids had me about ready to pull my hair out.”

“Killian didn’t help?”

“He got called into work,” she lies, telling Neal the same one she told Henry earlier. Killian will call soon. He has to.

Neal clicks his tongue.

“What?” she asks, watching Ada’s eyes flutter closed.

“Nothing.”

“It’s obviously something, Neal. I know you. You click your tongue when you have something to say.”

“It’s just that, well, shouldn’t Killian be around for Henry’s soccer game?”

“Sometimes things come up.”

“That’s still a shitty thing to do.”

She huffs, all of that anger from this morning returning as the memories flood back to her brain. How in the world did she forget that she needed to talk to Neal? It’s like she got lulled into some kind of false sense of security and didn’t even realize it.

“You missed his game today too, Neal. For the exact same reason.” She doesn’t know if Killian is at work right now, but that’s what she’s going with. Something must have happened for him not to be here. “And we are far too old to be playing petty games over who is being a better parent to Henry. By the way, where the hell do you get off telling Henry that Killian is his step dad?”

She can feel her voice begin to raise, so she gets up from the chair and puts Ada in her crib, hoping that she’ll fall asleep quickly. When she exits the nursery, she can still hear the shower going, so she walks down the hall and into her bedroom, moving to the bathroom so Henry will be less likely to hear her talk. She can’t begin to count the number of arguments she and Killian have had in the bathroom. They don’t yell too often, but she doesn’t want Henry to hear any of it when they do argue.

Neal still hasn’t said anything, so she asks again. “Why did you say that?”

“I didn’t,” he finally says, his voice completely even.

“Henry told me that you did.”

“He’s a kid. He says crazy shit.”

“He’s a smart kid who only says things when he’s learned them somewhere else. Just admit to it so we can talk about it. It’s already a tricky situation, so we don’t need it to get worse.”

“What’s tricky about it? He’s my kid, and Killian is pretty much his step dad. I mean, you two aren’t married, so not really. But I figured that made it less complicated.”

Less complicated her ass. Why is he being such an ass about this? This is not him, not anymore.

“First of all, he is Killian’s kid too. I have never let Henry think that you’re not his dad. You are. That’s something I’ve made a priority for him to understand ever since he was old enough. But you cannot take away Killian’s right to him as well. Killian helped me raise him, Neal. For most of Henry’s life, Killian has been Henry’s dad too. That doesn’t just change.”

“Well, it’s not my fault that I wasn’t fucking around to raise him.”

“I didn’t say it was.”

“You might as well have, going on and on about Killian this, Killian that. Fuck, Ems. He’s not the greatest man in existence. You don’t have to put him on a pedestal.”

“I don’t.”

“Please,” he scoffs, and she feels acid swish in her stomach, twisting around as she settles down on the countertop next to the sink, her legs like jello beneath her. “You so do. Ever since I’ve come back it’s been all about Killian and the life you share and the daughter you have, like our marriage was absolutely nothing to you. I bet you didn’t even consider taking me back.”

“What the hell is your problem today? I’m trying to talk to you about our son to make sure that he doesn’t get confused, and you decide to be nasty to me? No, Neal, I didn’t really consider taking you back. Life moved on. It changed. But don’t you dare for a second think that I didn’t go through hell trying to figure out how to deal with things when you came home. I nearly lost my mind trying to handle everything. I care about you. You’re my friend, and I tried my best. But there’s no way you could have expected me to drop everything to be with you when I spent years grieving you.”

“I would have done it for you.”

“Bullshit. I loved you, but you never loved me in the same way. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I know.”

“I think you’re making a mistake being with Killian.”

“I think you’re making a mistake trying to talk to me about this when it’s really none of your business.”

“If it affects my son, it is my business.”

She scoffs, bewilderment inching its way over all of her skin, gooseflesh rising. How fucking dare he try to turn this on her, try to gaslight her. This is what he’s always done. He’s always tried to steamroll her like this. She thought he’d changed, that he’s tried to be better, so why is he being like this? He shouldn’t be like this anymore.

“You know what affects your son, Neal?” she asks, her voice cold even to her own ears. “His dad fucking with how he thinks of one of his other parents. No part of that is okay, nor will it ever be okay. Don’t do it again.”

She hears him say her name on the other end of the phone, but she hangs up before he can say anything else. He’ll call back. She knows that he will, but she’s done with that conversation. It was ridiculous, in every single way. She knew it wouldn’t be comfortable bringing up the whole step parent thing, but she didn’t think it would ever turn into…that.

What the hell was that?

Neal hasn’t talked to her like that since he found out that she and Killian were together. It was harsh, but she understood in a way. Now though, she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand why he would be rude to her life that, why he would try to make her think that she’s doing something wrong by being with Killian, to make her think that she’s a bad mother. It’s how he used to talk to her, but it’s not how the man she’s known as talked to her ever since he came back.

It’s not supposed to happen like that anymore.

All she wants to do is cry, but she’s too tired to cry. If she starts, she may not be able to stop. It’s all too much. Today has been too much for her, and she still doesn’t know where Killian is, what’s going on with him. In the back of her mind she thinks that maybe she should be calling hospitals to make sure that he’s not in one, but something in her gut keeps her from doing that. She does text Mary Margaret and David, however, hoping that maybe one of them will have the answer.

She needs to know, and worry is slowly covering each inch of her skin.

“Mom,” Henry calls, stepping into her bathroom.

“Yeah, kid?”

“Can you make me a hot dog?”

“Sure,” she sighs, giving him a watery smile and wiping away at her eyes. “Let’s go do that.”

The rest of her day is spent with her kids, trying to entertain the both of them with games and movies, even going outside to play on the play set for awhile. She never hears from Killian, and only Mary Margaret texts her back to say that she hasn’t heard from him and that David’s got a busy day at work and probably won’t get back to her until his shift is over. It bothers her, makes her practically sick to her stomach, but she can’t focus on it as she focuses on making sure Ada and Henry have a good day.

It’s what she has to do if she’s doing this alone today.

That night, after she’s got Ada in her crib, she walks to the next room over and into Henry’s. They both cleaned up in here a bit today, so she doesn’t step over any legos or sharp objects as she crawls into his bed behind him, wrapping her arm around his waist and holding onto her son like her life depends on it.

Maybe sometimes it does.

“What are you doing?” he mumbles, still flipping through one of his books.

“Cuddling with you because I love you so much.”

He squirms, but he still settles into her. “I love you too.”

“What are you reading?”

“Matilda.”

“That’s a good one.”

“I know. I like it. She has magic.”

She nods her head and settles it down onto Henry’s shoulder, reading behind him while he mumbles some of the words out loud. She doesn’t know how she got a kid who loves to read when she remembers hating it at his age, but she’s really thankful for that.

She’s thankful for Henry and how he changed her entire life for the better on the day he was born, how he brought magic into her life in a time that was so dark that even the stars seemed to disappear, blinking out one by one until there was no light left.

Except for Henry. He has always been the light.

“Did you know I love you?” she whispers to him.

“Yeah, you already said that.”

“I know.” She kisses his cheek and holds him a little closer. “It’s just that I love you and Ada so much that sometimes my heart can’t contain it, and I have to keep telling you so that you know how much I love you, how much I’ll always love you forever.”

“I love you and Ada too,” he says simply. She knows that he means the words, but they don’t have the same emotional depth that her words do. Good. He doesn’t need to feel how she’s feeling, like her heart is threatening to break into pieces over how much she loves him.

“And your dad and your daddy love you too. So much more than you even know.”

“I know. Mom, you’re making it hard to read my book.”

Emma chuckles, kissing his cheek again before she shifts out of the bed, figuring that she’s smothered him enough for tonight. Just because she needs to time with him doesn’t mean that he wants it. “In thirty minutes your light needs to be off and you need to be asleep, okay?”

“Whatever.”

“Henry.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Night, kid. Thanks for making me feel like I have real magic in my life.”

“Goodnight, Mom.”

She closes his door behind her and makes her way downstairs, quickly checking on Ada on her way. The house is quiet, only the sounds of the air conditioner running and the refrigerator making ice filling the space. Usually she’d crave something like this. She’d crave having peace and quiet and not having to worry about anything for a little while. She can fix herself a cup of hot chocolate and settle down in front of the television to watch whatever she wants. Those are the nights she craves sometimes, but now that she has one of those, she wants none of it.

All she wants is for this day to be over, possibly for this day not to exist. Frankly, it sucked, and she knows that not everything will be fixed when she wakes up in the morning. She’s still pissed at Neal. Like, if he were home she would probably have the urge to punch him pissed. She’s worried about Henry and how everything is impacting him. She’s already emailed Dr. Hopper today, but sometimes she’s worried that him going to therapy and them trying so much to give him a good life is not enough.

Sometimes she worries that she is not enough.

That she’s not enough for her children.

That she’s not enough for Killian.

He has only made her feel that way once in all of their time together, and she doesn’t hold it against him, not anymore. She understands everything that he was going through. But right now, today, she needs him, and he’s not here.

She falls asleep on the couch, and when she wakes, it’s to a twist in her neck and a twist of the front door handle, Killian coming inside as quietly as possible. At first, she’s relieved that he’s okay, that he’s home, but then she remembers the absolute hell that she’s been through all day without him by her side, without him answering any of her calls.

“Where have you been?” she whispers. She thought the words would be louder, harsher, but she finds that she can barely get them past her lips.

Right now she’s just relieved that he’s okay, that his heart is still beating within his chest.

“Why aren’t you asleep, love?” Killian asks her, stepping into the bright light of the living room so that she can see the red rim around his eyes. “You should go to bed.”

“I’d really rather know why you ignored all of my calls all day long.”

“I’ll tell you in the morning.”

“Damn it, no,” she yells, this time the words coming out as she sits up further on the couch, “tell me now. I’m done being pushed around today. You have been gone. I have been worried. Henry has been worried, and you walk in here at two in the morning telling me that we’ll talk later. No, that’s not how this works.”

Killian nods his head while his lips press together in a firm line. He looks exhausted and like he’s been crying, and beneath all of her anger, she feels the worry for him that she’s felt all day. “You’re right,” he sighs, his lashes landing against his cheeks as he looks at the ceiling before his gaze finally finds hers. “I’ve got some things to talk to you about.”

[tifarobles]

Sanity Check: Inside Mental Health

I will be alright. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.

At least that’s what I kept trying to tell myself. I had to. It had to be okay.

That’s how I got through 3 years of turbulent ups and downs and falling deeper into a debilitating anxiety disorder that seemed to be triggered by my miscarriage.

I was 16 when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wanted to do all I could to avoid being dependent on pharmaceuticals. I’d experienced my mother going through a terrible time trying to stop taking Paxil and I didn’t want to go through that. I wanted to find other ways to deal with my disorder. I did a decent job most of the time. In fact, I don’t think many people even knew I was bipolar. It pretty much only impacted my romantic relationships and very close friendships.

I can point to exact times in my life when I knew I’d been depressed and even more times when I knew I’d been in pretty serious manic episodes. It was usually after a huge life change. It seemed like my body’s way of adapting to something new. However, I can’t pinpoint any of these episodes since being married.

I wasn’t sure if my symptoms were less noticeable in a more stable state or if I had somehow outgrown my disorder. I even wondered if Mike had somehow helped me overcome it. But I never really knew why...

Turns out, it had warped into General Anxiety Disorder. I had never experienced a true panic attack before the miscarriage. Suddenly, they were part of my daily life.

I assumed that once I was able to grieve properly and recover from the tragedy, that my anxiety would fade. However, it only seemed to get worse after Xander was born. It didn’t help that shortly after that I unexpectedly lost my job at Xbox while on maternity leave due to the position being eliminated.

This was my dream job. I had left a very stable, comfortable position in something I was very good at to pursue this seemingly perfect for me job. Everyone told me to take this job, even though I was 6 months pregnant. Even though I was on a brand new team for a brand new role with untred territory. I’d worked for 6 years to get into a position like this one. I had to do all I could for this job.

And just like that… it was gone.  

On top of that, Mike was all set up to be a stay-at-home dad, so we had no source of income or insurance for our newborn baby.

The next day Trump was elected.

Let’s just say, that was a miserable week for my emotions. Could I ever feel happy again? I’d look at my son and feel happy enough not to worry.

It wasn’t too long before Mike found some remote work and I was hired at GTS. I had to take a substantial pay cut for this career move, but there were a lot of perks to consider and huge potential for growth. I assumed everything was coming together again and that my emotions would soon follow.

Adjusting to being a working mom was easier than I expected, but still very hard. However, feedback at work was telling me that I was really good at this job. I poured myself into it, taking trips to visit stores, sometimes doing work on weekends, trying to fit the role I never expected to fit. And I liked it. I loved the stores I worked with, and while there were challenging days, overall I felt happy.

As things always do in corporate jobs, things changed. There were some changes for the new year, including a pay cut. I had just switched to commision and was barely making my base salary. Luckily, by this time Mike had gotten a really great job and Xander was loving daycare. I thought it would be okay to make less than I’d ever made if I kept being happy. Was I happy though? I was stressed all the time, always thinking about work, always being completely exhausted from motherhood, trying to maintain so many things every day.

I would look at my life, and outside of raising Xander, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything truly fulfilling. What had happened to my creativity? When was the last time I’d written something? When was the last time I sang a new song? What would 16-year-old dreamer me think of where I was?

I was a good mom. That was the most fulfilling aspect of my entire life. My true legacy and something I had always wanted. He was perfect.

But don’t I deserve more? I’d feel terrible for thinking it. Like, what’s wrong with me? I have everything I’ve ever wanted.

But I knew that was a lie. I’d always wanted more.

Founding LPS came close to what I wanted to do for this world. It scratched that itch for me for years. But it was so much harder now being a mom. It was so hard dividing my time between LPS, Xander, Mike, work, family, friends, and (OMG do I dare think it?) myself! I couldn’t do as much for LPS as I used to and I hadn’t been as deeply involved in a long time. It’s just... different when I can’t go every week. Or maybe it’s different because I’ve been doing it for so long and I’m ready to move on to my next big fulfilling project.

But then I found out that I’d be going to GAMA, representing GTS. Maybe I could find my next project through GTS. Maybe it will be at the other end of the show. I felt honored to be selected. While at the show, I networked until 4am, getting up at 7am to be on time to have a few minutes of breakfast with my team. I became close friends with some other GTS employees while at the show who wanted to work with me more. I was excited for those opportunities. What more could I do with this great company?

Within a few weeks, I was in talks with the marketing department. I was told that I had all the skills that they were looking for. It sounded like a role I’d be good at. One I’d get to finally be creative full-time, something I’d never really gotten to try.

But they wanted someone who could travel. A lot.

I suddenly felt like I was suffocating under the choice between this amazing opportunity or being with my son on weekends.

I couldn’t do that.

I didn’t get the job. But I was still in sales. Yay? I didn’t know how to feel. I was barely making enough to pay for daycare on my worst months. I was literally working in order to pay to be away from my son all week. To do a job that I liked, but that I wasn’t really passionate about. Looking at the paychecks was scary. Everything felt scary. Like weirdly scary.

Car rides alone could cause anxiety attacks. And I had to do a lot of driving since Mike was commuting to Seattle and kicking serious ass at his new job. But I couldn’t keep going on like this.

The anxiety was unbelievable. I couldn’t see into my life. I couldn’t define what it was that I wanted. That too was scary. All I saw was being a good mom, but what else was I… good at? What was I passionate about besides my family? Had I lost my defining characteristic of passion? This thought alone could send me into a racing heart and tension headache. This was anxiety. But I didn’t understand it. I’d never felt this before.

I needed help. I couldn’t take off time from work for therapy. I couldn’t find a therapist outside of work hours. The anxiety had gotten worse. I experienced a 20-day headache. I went to the doctor… where I was first diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. I scheduled 6 appointments with therapists. I took time off work to go. I started to take medication for the first time in my life. I had very little PTO for anything. I worked every hour I could to make up for it. I got worse before getting better. I took a medical leave.

On medical leave, I felt like I was seeing for the first time in… years? I would find true happiness in the littlest of things. Xander’s shoes, the smell of his hair, the cat following me around at 1am while I stayed up writing.

I was still passionate. I was still that dreamer. I was still defined by passion. I found passion in my story. I had found my project. It had been in front of me this entire time.

The project I’ve been wanting to finish for over 15 years. Over half of my life.

I looked at my life goals and realized I’d followed the biggest one already by having an amazing partner and child to share my life with. But what was next for me?

Why had I spent 3 years writing instead of having a social life as a teenager? Why had I studied for 4 years with no sleep to obtain a degree in Creative Writing? Why could these characters I created so long ago never once leave my mind? I could see their faces as clearly as the day I created them, drawn mediocrely on lined paper with colored pencils. Now created in every game that has a built-in character creator. Each person that I’d given deep back stories and interesting character arcs, with development far beyond what you’d think a boy-crazy, 14-year-old, awkward, opinionated girl obsessed with video games would be capable of.

I had to follow my dreams. It would never be the right time. “I have to do this before I turn 30,” I thought. As though I’d be able to inform that 14-year-old girl that her hard work would get published before she turns 30. High five her and let her know she makes a great mom and has a husband who knows how to dance, before flying away on a unicorn. I had to make a change. I approached Mike with the idea. He was fully supportive. He’d been with me on this journey through some rough times and questions like “What do I want to do with my life?” at 2am on random nights when I’d wake him up because I couldn’t sleep. He knew I would be happy pursuing this. He knew I needed happiness again. He knew we’d be okay, no matter what.

I don’t know if it’s the medication, my amazing therapist, the life changes, or my luck with having the most amazingly supportive family, but I am so happy. I can’t say the anxiety is gone, that is still a daily struggle. But I know I can be grateful for so many things and that helps calm me down. I am following my dreams. I can’t promise it won’t be a difficult adventure at times, in fact, I’m sure it will be very difficult. But I will be happy while I adventure.

[beaversatemygrandma]

Alright. Fun thoughts brought on my tension headache today. It might be a migraine tho idk, i’m not light or sound sensitive so prob tension.

Anyways, i get a call from my dad like two minutes after the thing came up and i’m pissed bc i was just stopped in my process of getting tylenol. and he’s just like ‘smoke some weed, you’ll be fine’ and i’m like ‘yeah, but you’re not getting home til 9 and if the kid is loud and chaotic i’m going to literally shut down if i smoke’ even tho even if i don’t with this headache and if she’s like that, i might shut down whether i do or not. So he starts on telling me to find out what my insurance would cover and he’ll call the places if i need him to (I do.) Now to figure out what the hell my insurance even covers. And knowing how the US is about free insurance, i’m likely going to lose it come December and start having to pay the full 300$ /month for it (when it hardly covers shit. i don’t even have dental dude)

And the thing about me finally getting shit diagnosed as an adult is worrying. Like yes, i’ll be able to get the care i’ve needed forever. But what if it isn’t just the ADHD I’ve had for god knows how long. Like according to my mom, back in the days when i was like 8 and she was going between many doctors trying to figure out what the hell was up with me, she got a few different diagnoses. Specifically two: ADHD and Asperger’s. The ADHD one was the only one that stuck. The Asperger’s one was ignored. That’s what she was getting me therapy for and refused to put me on meds. Later on, I had to PUSH her to get me attention for anxiety. I got medicated. I didn’t even finish the prescription before she took me off of it. I thought it was working. She doesn’t want her child on such a strong drug (...it was a small dose of alprazolam. so. huh? It wasn’t?) And definitely didn’t want me on ADHD meds bc that’s basically legal meth. Either way: She wasn’t letting me be medicated.

And here we are years later, with me wondering why the fuck i can’t do anything a normal 22yo should be doing. Like yes. I can take care of myself. I can push myself to clean and do chores and wash my sheets weekly and such. I feel wrong if i don’t. It’s something i need to do or i know i’d feel worse. But i can’t make the steps to get appointments to take care of myself further. I still need to make the jump on my wisdom teeth (likely cause of my frequent headaches tbh) and I can’t?? And Idk why?? I’ve wrote down numbers, I’ve taken fucking notes. I just Can’t. Do It. I know that’s a symptom of ADHD but i can’t remember what the hell it’s called right now. And then. What if I end up with the old diagnosis? Both ADHD and Asperger’s or even one or the other? What if I’ve been autistic this whole fucking time and as soon as i get hit with that diagnosis: ‘Yeah, that’s autism’. And I’ve heard the horror stories of that. The only benefits you have after getting it are being allowed to wear headphones at work and to be paid less than normal people, and basically be treated like a child when it comes to making your own decisions. So. Uh. Fuck. That’s not okay. Then again: I need help figuring out why the hell I’m this way.

Like, it could just be ADHD and i just don’t have the H part because my mom’s ‘training’ stuck with me. I’ve been trying to put that ‘training’ onto my little sister bc her ADHD is just overwhelming to me. Like is that what i was like when i was little? Bc this is. A Lot. I know others with ADHD all experience it in a different way and I’m definitely an adult and not a child who had little to no parental guidance until she was like 10. Unlike me. But i am not my mom and the only thing i know how to train is a dog and you can’t exactly train a kid like a dog. Food motivation works tho.

But still. There could be other possibilities. Bipolar disorder is one of them. That one might be genetic and my mom’s got it. And fuck, I’ve sure noticed random ups and downs. Like I’m fantastic for a few days. Life’s good. I get shit done. And then suddenly for the next few days afterwards i can’t get myself to do shit because i feel like shit. And after a quick google. Yeah. It’s genetic. 80% of the time. And apparently gets noticed around the age of 20. So. Uh. Another possibility... Bc i am down this week. Last week. I was GREAT. I drew things. I got shit Done. This week? Fuck no. I can hardly remember to do the yoga stretches I’ve been doing bc i don’t get out enough to move around.

And something else interesting: Bipolar disorder seems to have a lot of similar symptoms to ADHD. Maybe i did ‘grow out’ of the ADHD but in reality it was just bipolar this entire time? Idk. This is why i need to know. ---like three minutes pass here. and then:

*looks into the camera like i’m on the office* Bruh. i was literally just saying this. And well. Thanks to actually going further. I was right. Great. I fill out like 3.5/5 of those. Thanks. This might be it. Oh hell.

Yeah. I need a professional in on this shit. That just raised a few red flags for me. so uh. that’s fun.

[katleemusic]

September 1st

Things have been a whirlwind of heat, emotions and math.

For the past 3 years, I’ve worked 7 days a week. I still like this schedule, because for me, it is easier to stay in work mode and spread my work out each day. I also am one of those workers who likes having a lot of different things going on!

Having 3 jobs and being in school is pretty wild, but I am really grateful for each of these things that I get to do. I am lucky enough to say that I feel emotionally, creatively and physically fed by each of my jobs, something that has DEFINITELY not always been true.

Teaching Artist Work:

I love kids. Working with kids is hard work but I have learned to be more patient than I ever knew was possible. My work with children involves art-play therapy, singing/vocalizing, dance, imaginative plasticity, and being a director, producer, composer/arranger and MD of children’s performance art. 

I teach ages 4-18 privately and in groups. I am so looking forward to after school programs coming up as the work I do in different public schools which each of my students is among my most favorite.

Playing games to ignite their social and thinking brains and facilitating conversations in a safe space are amongst my most favorite and precious things in my day to day.

Tiny Gun/Solo Band/Music:

With live music coming back, I have to be honest and admit it gives me feelings of anxiety. After the last year and a half of being in lockdown, teaching on zoom, etc., I am happy to say that live music has returned in some capacity.. but there are so many nuanced factors that affect how we really let ourselves feel.

Almost every person I’ve spoken to in music has been on the same page. It’s nice, but is this sustainable? Are we going to return back into the void of digital creativity because everything is so unclear?

If I play this set at this place, are people going to be asked to wear masks, will the equipment have been sanitized properly, have vaccine cards even been checked or inquired about, what about my colleagues who have too many medical complexities to get safely vaccinated because the CDC fails to recognize, include or excuse many autoimmune diseases, does that mean it is now both illegal to work for my friends and family who cannot get safely vaccinated and also that they will be unable to pay their expensive out of pocket bills that health insurance doesn’t cover?

Live music is my most favorite thing in the entire world and on my darkest days, it feels like a dying art, not due to lack of interest, but lack of access.

That scares me.

I’d say the general vibe surrounding live music is scared but hopeful.

Audio/Video Editing:

This is such a fun and creative outlet for me! I started really taking this work seriously when it was the only way I could help kids feel like they got some sort of ‘recital,’ during lockdown.

Similar to athletes practicing and utilizing their practiced technique in games, there comes a point where we want to have something to look forward to. We want to run the race and get to feel what it’s like to have finished. 

I started out with editing children’s singing videos. A capella, their own movies, music and dance videos, solo vocal recitals, I really dove in and expanded my knowledge of audio and video editing - this is a skill that I am still excited to learn more about and I love integrating these things into live performances as well. It’s actually that space between digital and live that I find really unexplored and fascinating! 

I am pleasantly surprised at how many amazing projects I have been asked to be on and to operate as the video and audio engineer. I feel this has also opened up new possibilities for any Music Directing work I do.

Masters Degree in Art-Play Therapy:

Oh god. 

So listen.

I feel that I, among many others, returned to academia during lockdown. After a double major in my undergrad and all of my certificates (first aid, CPR, ASL, etc.) I really thought I was done with school. 

I was hilariously wrong.

It was both motivated by feeling unfulfilled in a music-less time, and also LOVING kids and the work I do with them. Especially over zoom, it became really clear to me how much we as people NEED art, playfulness and expression.

Children work through and process through play. This is why in my work as a TA, our performances are always driven by their ideas and are often taught through games and interactive activities. 

Seeing kids on zoom everyday during lockdown, was a deeply emotional experience. I feel it was a time when many kids had to grow up a little faster than usual, and grown ups didn’t have a choice but to be vulnerable with their kids. I overheard a conversation between a mom and one of my students.

My student (8 y.o at the time) asked her mom “when is this going to be over? it makes me anxious that we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Her mom replied, “I don’t know when this is all going to be over. I’m in the same boat as you. It makes sense to be anxious but we will get through this and be just fine. We just have to be safe and do our part.”

This seems like such a normal interaction, but I think I am used to expecting and sometimes hearing parents dismiss their kids with “I don’t know, it’ll be over soon,” or “everything is fine don’t worry.” 

I am about halfway done with this degree and it has been CHALLENGING to balance with all of my other jobs, but it’s nice to be a student in addition to being a teacher again :).

With the Fall quickly approaching, many changes are on the horizon. Our feelings are big and small and reasonable and correct. More updates coming soon.

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. didn’t sleep much last night. didn’t prepare me well for today.

i did get up and get to my chores... eventually. it took an hour and a half to get up and moving once i got out of bed. i showered and that went so late i just skipped breakfast and made myself lunch. 

harrison decided to wait until 4 hours before mom was set to show up to freak the hell out at me. he figured out i was avoiding him and i told him the truth. he didn’t stop doing things i told him repeatedly to stop doing. i said those comments made me feel bad. he did the whole “oh i’m a failure of a friend” shtick and i didn’t have the energy to turn around and ignore my hurt feelings to comfort his hurt feelings about my hurt feelings.

he made me so angry! i typed out a lot of messages and had to press my fists against the desk and take a deep breath and erase them and try again. 

the reason i got so angry was because as soon as it became clear i wasn’t going to say “oh no it’s ok” or whatever he demanded i send him a list of boundaries i have for him to not cross. like buddy if you don’t know them by now then it’s either not a problem or a very big problem. (he doesn’t listen.) i told him i didn’t know off the top of my head and he basically freaked out over and over in the same exact way no matter how many times i told him i was too tired to give him a list of my life for his own convenience.

i told him that. “i don’t have a check list for your convenience.” his response was “then how am i supposed to learn?” he sent me that literal message word for word after i told him twice that i am not his teacher or his babysitter. i have a full time job and it is not “patiently teach harrison about the magical ways of the world constantly and repeatedly at his pleasure forever and ever.” 

i was so angry. i didn’t have time for that. i didn’t really get to prepare myself for mother before she showed up because i was grinding my teeth and taking deep breaths about harrison for two hours this afternoon. i sent him a link to a long pdf about emotional labor. that’s what he’s sapping out of me. the emotional labor. he won’t read it or understand it. but i told him to talk to literally anyone besides me about it. i know he won’t. he doesn’t listen. he doesn’t really listen to me. it doesn’t matter what i do. he’s just going to put me in these lose-lose situations forever and it’s exhausting and i have OTHER THINGS I NEED TO DO WITH MY DAY!!!

so i stumbled down to the parking lot to greet mother. we went and got her checked in to her hotel and we had dinner. i ended up talking a lot more than i wanted to. when i found out dad’s mom wants to get another dog (she killed her last one) i couldn’t hold back a pretty nasty comment. didn’t have the patience i needed. 

at least when mom started making judgmental comments about other people i had the presence of mind to say “that’s not really my business” and change the subject to something that is my business. like insurance and taxes and boring difficult impossible adult stuff. mother wasn’t very helpful with a pep talk. when dad called she had me answer the phone for her. dad asked how i was doing and i said “i’m ok” and then let the silence kind of hang there. then i relayed mom’s message and hung up. 

i was starving all day (i didn’t have the energy to actually make myself a lunch) and then when i got my food i could barely eat anything at all. it took me like an hour to eat my pasta. i didn’t even finish it. i ate too much to keep the few bites remaining for leftovers but... my body was doing that thing where i felt weak from hunger and yet food was the last thing i wanted anywhere near me. 

every time mom complains about genevieve i tell her the same thing. eve is bored. she’s out of shape. she needs more exercise. mom never listens though and nothing changes. nothing ever changes just because i asked for something.

feels like that at least.

i learned my sister has been taking anxiety medication for several years now. our primary doctor prescribes them, my sister won’t see a therapist or psychiatrist. it’s so frustrating sometimes. she seems so miserable all the time but it’s like she thinks seeing a counselor will make her a crazy person or something. and you can’t be a crazy person! they’re the worst thing you could possibly be.

stigma. 

she might be a little proud, too. but the way my brother’s expression changes if therapy ever comes up, that sort of sharp flinch, i can tell that judgment is there. i don’t see why my sister wouldn’t feel a similar way. 

anyway i came home and i was so tired i did nothing for several hours. i got started on a thing for the comic but i didn’t have the energy to move past a quick sketch. i watched fma for a bit... episode 40 is next. 

i feel like i can’t draw fast enough. i wish it didn’t take so long to tell a story. i have a hundred things backed up that i REALLY want to draw. but no energy to actually draw them. i stare at my to-do list and i look at my sketchbook sitting next to me and i just sag a little. i’m feeling overwhelmed. and i can’t find that... drive, i guess, i keep wondering if anyone’s even reading it (even though i know people are reading it, and they want to know what happens next, because that’s what happens when you follow an ongoing story). 

i want to talk about it with someone besides harrison but when i go to talk about my process or the characters or choices i made i kinda clam up. at least in creative writing club that five-second hesitation of “oh my god, there is a huge flood of information i could  give about how i’m doing with this story, i’ve been making such good progress, what do i talk about?” got me absolutely nothing. i didn’t get to talk about it at all! the president moved on to his dnd campaign. i don’t have super-reflex wit... i needed a minute.

i guess with harrison it’s easier to talk about it because he hasn’t played the game and doesn’t have his own opinions about the characters. he has a different set of spoilers i can avoid. it’s way easier to talk about elements from the middle of the story (the part i wrote) when i’m sitting on the horrible bombshell twist of an ending to the game (the part i didn’t write). harrison knows some of my events and the characters but not where i’m going with all of it.

while with people who HAVE played the game, the middle of the story is going to be much more unknown! how do our protagonists get from where they are to where they end up in the game? (what changes did i decide to make to the game’s story? i’ve revealed a few already, a minor one and a major one.) 

so it’s way harder to talk with them about my story because a different subset of the story is going to be unknown to them. that subset is the part that i put all the work into. if i talk too much about the middle of the story then there ain’t gonna be any big mysteries left.

i dunno. a solution to this problem would be to have more friends i guess. i never know what to say or how to say what i want to say. i’m still very afraid of the judgment. i get it. i’m a big gay nerd. but the minute you say “fanfiction” people get all weird about it. i had to be really careful about who i told about my art. and none of them even looked anyway. nothing even matters.

i feel so trapped.

i gotta run errands with mom tomorrow, probably most of the day. i’ve been putting together a list of things i need to collect or fix. mom likes having things to fix. and if i give her things to fix that are not me, we get along a little better. she gets to feel helpful, i get to have a working desk fan, and i don’t have yet another tense situation under my belt of “memories of mother.” 

anyway. i don’t know what else to talk about. i feel like i have more to say but i’m not sure what it is i want to say, and even if i did i don’t have the energy to say it.

[canaryatlaw]

okay. well today was fine I guess. nothing special. I woke up sometime after 12 i think, probably around 12:30, changed into real clothes and went downstairs. had some food and went outside for a little bit enjoying the sun. after that nobody was around for a bit, so I took this as an opportunity to watch this week’s Batwoman episode on my laptop with my earbuds in (so nobody else knows because my brother’s are giant homophobes and my mom isn’t too great with it either). I liked the episode, I feel like the last two have been really strong and are hopefully leading up to an epic grand finale. I’m not sure what the plan is as far as airing the final episodes that may or may not have actually been finished before all this started, so we’ll have to see what happens there. after that there wasn’t really much else to do, so we’re just kinda hanging around for most of the day, but with important conversations thrown in there about things and trying to get things done, because there is a lot of stuff that needed to get done. at this point it seems like I’m no longer going to have the financial backing I’ve had thus far from my family, which is something I’ve expected to happen basically when all of this happened and started trying to put more in my savings, and I know I was extremely lucky to have that support in the first place, so while it’s somewhat inconvenient, I’m all that upset about it, I know I’m still in a better financial situation than a lot of other people and I should be grateful for that. Prior to this though I had started covering most of my expenses myself, the only thing that was charged to the parents credit card (the accounts of which are closed now) were eating out, health care/insurance stuff, and amazon purchases lol. but I don’t think it’ll be a big deal, we will have to cut down on eating out but I have a plan that will hopefully work for that, and I’m getting onto my job’s health insurance next month anyway. but yeah, we kinda chilled out for a bit. someone brought dinner, coincidentally from the same italian restaurant from last night (it’s close to our house so people probably thought it was convenient) but with slightly different dishes (penne alla vodka instead of baked ziti, veal marsala, and also chicken parm which was just dang good so I was fine with having it for two nights). all the food has really been great, but honestly at this point I want to eat some pizza, I’m only here so long and want to take advantage of that while I can, but it seems dumb to order extra food when we have a plethora in the kitchen anyway. oh well. I realized tonight I could get bagels delivered, so I will DEFINITELY be taken advantage of that soon, probably tomorrow and if not the next day. it’s weird though, because there’s all this stuff around the house, gift baskets, flowers, fruit arrangements, cards, and virtually a never ending string of comments and likes on anything I post. I haven’t even posted anything with any actual feelings yet, it’s just been more basic stuff, but it gets blown up anyway. and I just sit her and look at all of this and everything that’s being done, and while I’m grateful for all the ways people have reached out, I can’t help but feel that in the end it’s all useless, and I would trade all of it in a heartbeat for even just one more minute with my Dad. I just kind of feel numb with all of it, knowing I should be happy that people care, but I feel like there’s nothing right now that can actually help me where I need it right now. words are great, words of comfort are great, but there’s nothing that can be said that actually makes any different. I very much appreciate support from everyone who has reached out, though typing out “thank you, I appreciate it” to people I don’t actually know or people I haven’t spoken to in ten years. it’s all a lot and I know it’s going to take a while to process all this trauma, and I am going to start therapy when I get back to Chicago (I’m leaning towards trying virtual therapy and have done some research on that which is a hell of a lot cheaper and honestly is a lot less awkward than having to talk to someone in person). but yeah, sigh. anyway. after dinner I hung around the living room for a bit until Legends came on at 9. I liked the episode a lot, the last few have been really good, and it was just so entertaining and daring in the right ways. I was absolutely losing it when it became apparent that (spoiler alert) the culprit was GARY’S DOG who turns out he “rescued” from Hell???? the son of sam shout out there with him claiming a dog made me do it was absolutely hysterical, and I applaud the writers for that stroke of genius. I really like getting to see Mick interact with Lita, which I can’t say is a plot line I’d been really interested in up to this point, but I really enjoy getting to see him grow into more and more of a father the more interactions he has with her and having the kind of character growth that led him to push his daughter out of the way so the demon dog will attack him instead. that was such a great moment for me. but yes of course, we need to talk about Sara’s “power.” it’s going to be interesting to see from here how it’s actually going to manifest and the ways in which it will function (like she had the vision about killing Gary right before she had the impulse to, but then they use it as a locator when tracking Mick down with John, so it looks like it could work a few different ways. I think it’s fucking hysterical that Sara is really not inconvenienced at all by not actually being able to see, it makes total sense with her league of assassins training and watching he kick butt even without it was fantastic. but yeah, liked the episode. afterwards I just let the news play for however long while on my computer, then I eventually turned it over to Jimmy Kimmel when his show started and watched some of that before going upstairs, showering, and starting to get ready for bed and now I am here and it almost 2 am so I definitely need to be getting to bed, which I will do so now. Goodnight lovelies. Sweet dreams. 

[emmaseppenwoolde]

How many times am I touched in a week? - a study - Stephanie Ganghi

Stephanie Gangi Records Every Moment of Intentional Contact in Seven Days By

Stephanie Gangi

August 15, 2017

I read an article about how couplehood and the attendant touching, not necessarily sexy, increases good health and longevity. I’m single and on the dark side of 60. I’m fine living alone, it’s fine, but when Trump got elected, for example, I had no one to gather me up and curl around me to protect me from everything incoming, nukes included. In a less grim example, I’m on a regular schedule of imaging tests for cancer, and I have friends, I have daughters, but reaching out every three months to express my scanxiety and beg for hugs seems overly needy. If I had a partner, in my case, a man, in the next room, I could complain at moments of peak terror and get held and hold on. Maybe live longer in better health. After reading the article, I wanted to know how much human touch I was receiving over the course of a week. Like, data-gathering.

Day one, Sunday

Nothing. No one touches me. I feel flu-ish. I revise my premise from human touch to “intentional” touch, so I can count the dog, although he has to initiate. In fact, the rule is all the touch counts have to be initiated by the other person/animal. Sunday goes from nothing to seven times touched: the dog came to me four times with his muzzle to my hand for petting and two times with his paw on my foot to interrupt me as I wrote, and once on the street he purposefully bumped my thigh to herd me along.

Touches on Sunday: seven.

Monday

In the afternoon I have a manicure and pedicure, and impulsively add a lip wax and a ten-minute massage in the special chair. My Vietnamese nail worker, who is name-tagged “Sharon” for the clients, gets to work. She is rough with my feet and I flinch. We smile, she behind a mask. Sharon adjusts her touch. When she finishes—I love the feel of the twisted paper towel threaded between my toes—she takes my arm to help me from the high chair. In the waxing room, she dabs my upper lip. She moves a strand of hair from my mouth and then uses the flat of her palm to smooth my hair off my face. She applies the wax and presses the gauze and rips it off, one, two, three, four times. She taps my skin with something cool, gelatinous, and helps me off the table and over to a manicure chair.

I have to explain about my trigger thumbs, arthritis, a side effect of an oral chemotherapy drug. I wiggle them: please be careful. She wraps my aching hands in hot cloths. My throat tightens. Next she situates me in the massage chair. My nails are wet so Sharon gathers my hair—which, gone and grown back twice now, is newly thick and wavy and unruly for the first time in my life—and clips it up for better access to my neck and shoulders.

I think of my grandmother. Mary. I don’t know why, since I was so small when she died, and only know her through my mother’s memories. My mother, Marie, is dead too, so I can’t confirm anything. But I picture my grandmother with big hands, wide so that a whole warm palm, doughy, could heal eight children. When she finishes, Sharon smooths my wayward hair. I let out a small sob, sort of. My throat is tight and my eyes are brimming when I hit the street. The dog nuzzles me and paws me and herds me on Monday, too, so I tally seven again.

Times touched, Monday: seven dog and Sharon, to hard to count. I’m calling it fourteen.

Tuesday sucks

Tuesday I commute to the office. That cuts down on the dog count, from seven to three, since I am not at home much of the day. The subway is packed, I am touched a million times but not with intent so, nothing counts. There are shoulder bumps and brushing hands and full strange bodies pressing against mine, nearly head to toe, but no. A woman flips her hair and hits me on the side of my face a couple of times. I spend an entire ride with a man jiggling his thigh against my thigh, and it’s hard for me to believe it is not on purpose. I move my thigh a millimeter away, his follows. Maybe that should count. No one touched me at the office. Mohammed the doorman handed me a stack of boxes when I got home and they tipped and he grabbed them and tapped my hand to say, “There you go.”

Tuesday, three dog, one Mohammed: four touches.

Wednesday On Wednesdays, when my insurance is in full effect (there are only so many treatments allowed), I see Shaziya for 55 minutes of lymphatic massage, coded as occupational therapy. I have a little crew of surrogate daughters and Shaziya is tops on the list. I have two actual daughters of my own but one of them, the touchy-feely one, lives on the west coast. The close one is my protector, my supporter, but she is not touchy-feely. Her reserve developed later though, since, first of all, she refused to leave my body when it was time to get born, and had burrowed in so assiduously, she had to be obstetrically yanked out. The nerves along her spine, C5-C6, tore. There is residual deficit, as they say. Also, every photograph I have of this kid when she was little shows her hanging off me, hugging my legs. Yet, when she was four? I went to a Mother’s Day breakfast at pre-school, and the children’s drawings were hung with quotes about their moms, adorable, transcribed by the teachers. My mom lets me bake. My mom takes me to the park. My daughter’s quote was: My mom hates it when I hang on her. I laughed and we still laugh although ouch, then and now. Maybe her quote was her way of processing the doctors and orthopedic braces and surgeries and physical therapy sessions she was enduring. Projecting it on to me, who did not deliver her safely. That’s fair.

Anyway. Shaziya. Shaz treats breast cancer women who’ve had surgery. The surgery—in my case, surgeries—can mess up the lymph system because they remove nodes for testing. Your arm and hand puff up. It’s unsightly and uncomfortable, but also, lymphedema is dangerous. Plain old injuries can go gangrenous. I don’t have that and I don’t want it so every week I take off my blouse and stretch out on her table. She probes deep into my arm on my surgery side. She moves her fingers along my veins. She presses along the striations of scar tissue, pushes into the hollows of my chest and each breast, reconstructed to not great effect. She moves behind me. She moves her hands under my neck and across my shoulders, tight because I write, and also, I hunch them to protect my chest, which has taken the hits. I often drift into tears on the table, not exactly crying, more like expressing whatever from wherever she’s probing.

At some point, I realize Shaz’s big, pregnant belly has been grazing the crown of my head as she works. I wonder if there’s anything out there, myth-wise, about what happens if a baby bump bumps against a head, because I experience an epiphany during Shaziya’s bump bumping against mine. The arm problems, surgeries, physical therapies, residual deficits. My daughter and I share them. I cry for real. Although the belly-head rubs were not touching with intent, they were revelatory, so, yeah.

Wednesday’s touches: two dog, Shaziya, infinity. I’m starting to question my methodology.

Thursday

The dog does his usual thing. In the evening, I have a date, unusual. I have been set up by a friend with a guy, a journalist, a lawyer. “He’s both,” my friend says. “Stay open.” The journalist-lawyer encourages me to pick a meeting place but dismantles my choice, so we go with his choice although he doesn’t even live here. I’m staying open. He’s good looking on the internet. Maybe I’ll have sex with someone other than myself. I would love to. It’s been a while. The prospect makes me feel girlish. I exert special effort, clothes, hair, make-up, to look as effortless as possible. My age but younger. The guy is good-looking in real life, too. We hug. That’s one. He guides me with his hand on the small of my back. That’s two. We find seats at the bar. He pulls my chair out and says, “Is this okay?” and I say “Very okay,” and he then does this thing where he tucks a stray hair behind my ear and I’m thinking, How nice, and that’s three, but at the same time I’m thinking, Too soon. He talks a lot and I sip my wine. Sip. Sip. Sip. He’s still talking. I slug the dregs. Finally he says, “And you?”

I tell a story, a pretty good one, and in the middle of it he reaches over and takes my hands which I have been using to gesture, to punctuate, and he pushes them down into my lap. Holds them there. He gives me a nod and says, “Now go ahead, keep talking.” I try but my face is on fire. I feel like calling the police. He is restraining my hands and smiling as if he’s teaching me a lesson in how to be a better storyteller and a more fuckable woman. I take my hands back, dig in my bag for 20 bucks, lay it on the bar and go home. He doesn’t text or email or anything. I zero him out, no touches. Or maybe I should count four touches? He touched me, with intent, that’s for sure. I hate dating. I don’t want to be a couple. I hate this experiment. I decide to erase him.

Thursday: Seven dog touches.

Friday is black

Friday, there is a nor’easter, although it is spring. Friday, after one measly morning nuzzle and a dirty look, the dog goes to the groomer, an all-day proposition. Back home it’s so dark I need to turn on the lights in the daytime. I spend the whole day thinking about the journalist-lawyer who touched me in a way that felt like an assault. My internal, eternal, infernal man-manager—the me who makes allowances for men from long, long habit—wonders what I did to provoke it. Yet. I can still feel his hands holding mine hostage. I have spent my whole life finding my voice and using it. Using my hands helps, like massaging my words, like guiding my thoughts. I wrote my first novel at age 60. That’s a long time for a writer to not write, that’s some hard-core shutting myself up. I’m done with that. I am so mad from the night before I don’t notice the dog is giddy with relief when I pick him up from the groomer. He is overjoyed, bumping and nuzzling, licking my hand and leaning against my thigh, pushing his nose into my crotch. I forget to count.

Saturday

I love my dog. He is an affectionate fellow. On Saturday, he lays his head in my hand so I’ll scratch his ears, itchy from the groomer yanking the fur out. He head-butts me in the kitchen when I’m making coffee. He wants me to know he’s happy to be home with me after his traumatic salon time. He stares into my eyes, watches me intently. I hug him, and even though I’ve read dogs don’t like being hugged, he stands solid for it. He’s big so I can lay my cheek along his strong back and wrap my arms around his chest, his heart beneath my hand. He breathes into me, hot, damp. His tail wags, just a little, his own dignified choice. I feel liquid, loved, loving, bonded, connected, attached, just like the couples in the article.

I meet my daughter, the close one, for dinner. We embrace hello. She maintains her reserve but we sit shoulder to shoulder at a bar. She shows me pictures. We bend over her phone and our heads touch. We laugh. I rub her back along the bumps of her spine as she digs into dinner. My fingers stop and rest at C5-C6. I don’t think she notices, although she misses nothing. She tells me a story about her dog. We laugh. We talk about my father’s coin collection, my Christmas gift to her. We talk about my new hat, her Christmas gift to me. A hat. We talk about her sister, whom we miss. Let’s visit together, I say. Yeah, she says, let’s. We’ve had a few. We walk out into night and I take her arm, my deficient right through her deficient left. She hugs me hard. I hang on her as we say goodbye.

I go home to the big dog. I clip the leash. We perambulate like old marrieds down the street to the park, him herding me along, thank god. My phone dings, Love you, Ma. My phone dings, When are you guys coming to visit me? My phone dings, We just talked about it at dinner! My phone dings, I’m jealous, where’d you guys eat? She, my touchy-feely west coast girl, posts a picture of the three of us from another time and tags me. The texts and the tag, the tail’s wag, the hat on my head, everything like kisses, everything like hugs, everything like hanging on. It’s Saturday night, the week is over, the task, to tally the touches that carry me through, is impossible. The experiment’s a failure. To do it right, I’d have to start over. To do it right, I’d have to redefine the terms and I am pretty sure after all that, I would still lose count.

__________________________________

Stephanie Gangi’s novel, The Next, is available now from St. Martin’s.

[phawareglobal]

Sara Cates - phaware® interview 267

Single Mom, Sara Cates discusses being diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension and how juicing and a whole food plant based diet helped change her weight, lifestyle and mental wellbeing. 

My name is Sara Cates. I am in Kansas City, Missouri and I am a pulmonary hypertension patient. I actually heard about PH for the first time in an emergency room visit. I had symptoms ongoing for over a year that included a racing heart, a battle with pneumonia that I just couldn't overcome. It got to the point where I would have blue lips and coughing fits and real bad dizzy spells. I was going to a public hospital at the time and they were running all kinds of tests to kind of see what was going on with me. It wasn't until I went into an emergency room visit that one of the doctors told me that I had pulmonary hypertension. My first reaction was to go to Google, which was a really bad idea. Google scared me, scared me completely. But through that they got me into a pulmonologist there at the public hospital. The pulmonary doctor kind of went over what pulmonary hypertension was and how my body was fighting. They put me on oxygen that day. But at that point they told me that since it was such a rare disease that they actually were not capable of treating me and that I would have to find a specialist that deals with rare diseases. It was actually about six months before insurance went through and all of that. But I did get in to see a specialist. My son, he was six years old at the time I was diagnosed, which was five years ago, so He's 11 now. At the time of diagnosis, [I was a] single mom, I was going to school, I was working management at a restaurant and just doing everything that I could that I knew how to survive. Then I just got real sick one day. Over the course of the year, year and a half, it got really bad. After diagnosis, in reading the statistics about pulmonary hypertension, it really just got me in a deep depressive state. I was pretty much convinced that my days were numbered and I was really depressed because as a single mom I wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen to my son. I found a lot of comfort in eating. Without treatment I was just on 24-7 oxygen and I was at home. I had to quit working. My weight got up to nearly 300 pounds just through depression and defeat. I got diagnosed in October and the weight gain happened over about a five or six month period. I didn't get into see my pulmonary specialist until May of that following year. By the time that I reached my specialist I was a mess and my heart was failing. I was on 24-7 oxygen and I was just really defeated. My weight had gotten out of control. I sat down with that doctor and he closed the door and he said, "All right, we don't have time limits. Tell me your story. Tell me what it took to get you here." I just poured out my heart to him. He gave me a hug and he was like, "Okay, we're going to tackle this thing." He said, "I'm going to do my part. We're going to put you on dual therapy." He told me, "I can't promise that you'll ever be off oxygen or that things are going to get better, but we're really going to tackle this." He said that you still have to do your part. I just kind of looked at him and he said, "Your part is that you have to lose weight." The problem was is that my heart was failing and I wasn't allowed to exercise to lose the weight. I was in college at the time I was diagnosed. I actually had to switch to online classes, but I was in the honor society and by God's grace, one of the gentlemen in my honors society reached out to me and he was like, "Hey, I want to meet up. I've got some information for you that I think could be really beneficial." I hadn't shared a whole lot of my story on social media, but just enough to where people knew I was struggling. I met with him at the library and he actually shared with me a whole lot of information. He shared with me about a whole food plant based diet, about juicing, raw fruits and vegetables, and gave me a book about juicing. He shared with me some documentaries that had not only helped his life, but a lot of other people that were struggling with medical illnesses. He shared with me the documentary “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead,” which is about an Australian gentleman that went on a juice fast for 40 days here in America and cured a skin disorder and lost the whole bunch of weight. While I never thought that I would cure pulmonary hypertension, I did know that I needed to lose weight and that I had been given this story and now what do I do with it? I wanted to make the best of what I was dealing with and I certainly didn't want to add any more diseases on top of what I was already facing. I started juicing in May of that year. The same time that I started seeing my specialist, it all happened within the same month, which was really cool. I got a juicer for graduation and I just started juicing as much as I could playing with recipes and doing all of that. I decided that I did want to go on a juice cleanse. I think my first one was about 10 days, which was really hard and was unlike anything I'd ever done before. I didn't even eat vegetables prior to this. I was completely standard American diet, but the documentary had sparked so much hope in my heart that I was like, "I don't have anything to lose." So I did, I started juicing. My first one was for 10 days and then I noticed that my heart was kind of like, I wasn't feeling too hot with that, so I was like, "Okay, I'm going to just juice as much as possible and eat whole food plant-based meals." I do want to say that it's technically a vegan diet, but it's different from a vegan diet. Vegan diets still contain processed foods and it's more of an ethical choice. But whole foods plant-based eating is basically taking whole ingredients and making meals. I just started doing that in May of that year. By October, I had lost a significant amount of weight. I went back to my pulmonary specialists and he was so amazed at my results and we tested my oxygen and actually got to go off oxygen that day. Then within a year of doing this switch of being juice and whole food plant-based diet, I had lost a hundred pounds. I had cured sleep apnea and my heart had actually returned to normal size and function. My doctor has been there every step of this. I do monthly lab work even still to this day. Five years later I'm still doing monthly lab work. I see my specialist every three months, so that if anything were to go awry we would know really quickly. My doctor has been here through the entire process and really just been my biggest cheerleader in all of this. As soon as I watched the first documentary about juicing and this guy transforming his life, it sparked a little bit of hope in me. I just remember it was like this fire that lit up and the depression almost instantly lifted. As I started feeding my body more with plant foods and then I saw all of this process of everything changing, I switched from being depressed to being filled with hope. Then at one point it just switched over from hope to kind of motivation, because I saw the amazing things that were happening with me and I was like, "Wow, more people need to know about this." Then it became this passion and this drive for me that even to this day I can't not share the message, because it's changed my life so radically. When I was diagnosed I was put on permanent disability and we all know that with disability you do not get a lot of money to live on. The amount of fruits and vegetables that I was eating was exponential. I was eating more than I could possibly buy on my paycheck. I started growing food in my backyard. In the beginning it was really hard because as a pulmonary hypertension patient, we have good days, we have bad days and there are days where you just can't do anything. I would go out in the mornings when I had the most energy and I would just start cultivating my backyard. I started planting as much food, as many plants and seeds as I possibly could to kind of offset the cost. Then I kind of became an avid gardener through this. I found ways to set myself up to where in the heat of the summer that I wouldn't have to go out and tend the garden so much. I could just go harvest what I needed. That's been a really huge asset to me is that I have access to fresh fruits and vegetables. During diagnosis, I was finishing up my first degree. It was a degree in psychology. Then when I saw the power that was in this whole food plant-based diet and I started really just digging into my own research, it prompted me to go back to school. I went back to school focusing on a degree in biology because I just wanted to know as much as I could about this. I am happy to say that I just graduated last month with a degree in biology and chemistry and I'm excited to see where my education takes me with that. I'm just excited to see where this road leads from here. My name is Sara Cates and I'm aware that I'm rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Never miss an episode with the phaware® podcast app. Follow us @phaware on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube & Linkedin Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware #ClinicalTrials @antidote_me 

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

[weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog]

Pet Insurance question?

"Pet Insurance question?

I've looked into Bansfield (Petsmart) Insurance and at first I thought it would be great, I get free office visits and such, but after looking further into it I realized its only offered and taken at bansfield, so that means if my 1 year old pomchi (pomeranian chihuahua mix) got sick at 3 am and needed to be taken to the vet that the vet I take him to wouldn't accept bansfield insurance and it would cost me, and bansfield is only open until like 7pm...so does anyone else know of any good pet insurance? maybe one that covers a lot lol, I do like the idea of free office visits though...those get expensive..

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I am on my parents' auto insurance and my father decided to remove my name from the insurance plan because it got too pricey. However after having finished signing the paperwork and thinking we were done with the process we realized that my name was not spelt correctly on the paperwork to remove me from the insurance. Could I drive the car and if something happens argue to the insurance people that they never actually removed me from the insurance since MY name was not actually in the paperwork to be removed? I live in California if that helps. I'm not planning on actually driving, I'm just curious about what would happen if I absolutely needed to.""

To buy or not to buy: car insurance?

I am currently not in a situation to buy car insurance, since I find it to be expensive in terms of everything else I also have to pay. What are some of the consequences of not getting a car insurance? Do you see any benefit to it?""

Need help selecting my individual medical/health insurance?

Now let me start by saying that I am a single man at the age of 18. I am starting therapy soon and I need individual medical insurance to pay for the sessions and any possible prescriptions that might be prescribed. But when I try and search online I just don't understand all the info provided. Where can I find affordable insurance (im hoping about $50-$80 a month) that covers me for everything therapy and prescriptions, quick to get, and are easily understandable(if there is). If there are no simple stated insurance company's can someone tell me what I must make sure to have on the plan and what they mean?""

What are some individual health insurance companies?

I have applied to Blue Cross, CAA, Manulife and Sunlife for my epilepsy medication that is costing me way to much per month. But each insurance company excludes any medication for my seizure disorder. What are some other health insurance companies that will accept me (hopefully)?""

Affordable health insurance?

how does health insurance work? what are we really paying monthly? what are deductibles and premiums? my boyfriend needs health insurance he is 22 and a smoker and lives in nj he graduated from college already so he cannot get the school insurance and his job does not offer him insurance where can i find affordable heatlh insurance for him

What is the cheapest way to get insurance on my first car.?

I am 18 and am buying a 1.2 corsa. I need to know the cheapest way to insure it. Even if I have to go on a relatives insurance. Please help

""What is the best cheap, reliable car insurance and why?""

So I'm buying car insurance by myself for the first time and need to know what you feel is the best cheap car insurance and why? And in case anyone feels like being a smart butt, yes I do mean in America lol.""

Could I buy an auto insurance without a car?

Could I buy an auto insurance without a car? I have no car yet and I plan to buy a used car from owner. So I would like to rent a car for a week to find a used car. Before I buy my used car, could I buy the auto insurance first? Thanks!""

Question about car insurance??

my boyfriend and i have been discussing selling my car and sharing his (to save money, one less insurance/payment each month). My question is without having insurance (unless i went on his), will that make my insurance go up more the next time i own a vehicle? my current provider (progressive) increased my rate because i was uninsured for 3 or 4 days, and im curious if this is what will happen if say, im uninsured for a few months. THANKS!!!""

How much will my mom's car insurance go up after I crashed her car?

I'm almost 19, got my license about 8 months ago now. I was in a drive-thru going only 10 KM an hour at most and accidentally rear ended a car after I panicked and accelerated. My mom's car definitely had the most damage done. All of the other people involved only had slight dents or scratches. I think the damage is around $3000. I know my mom has really good insurance and I'm pretty sure it's no-fault (and it happened on a private property). How likely is it that her insurance will go up? Oh and for the record my mom has NEVER had a ticket or been involved in an accident before. Stupid me.""

Pet Insurance question?

I've looked into Bansfield (Petsmart) Insurance and at first I thought it would be great, I get free office visits and such, but after looking further into it I realized its only offered and taken at bansfield, so that means if my 1 year old pomchi (pomeranian chihuahua mix) got sick at 3 am and needed to be taken to the vet that the vet I take him to wouldn't accept bansfield insurance and it would cost me, and bansfield is only open until like 7pm...so does anyone else know of any good pet insurance? maybe one that covers a lot lol, I do like the idea of free office visits though...those get expensive..

Can I sue my auto insurance company for an at fault accident with an insured driver on my policy?

I was a passenger in my own vehicle during a near fatal accident where the driver, who is an insured driver on my policy, had road rage with another driver. The driver ended up receiving a DUI as a result of the accident. I tried to sue my auto insurance company for under/unisured motorist, but since the accident was a sole vehicle accident, the insurance company would not settle for my injuries. Due to the nature of the accident and the result of the driver being intoxicated, the auto insurance company accepted liability for the driver's negligence and tried to settle for $4,200. I ended up hiring a lawyer because I have an unpaid hospital bill in excess of the settlement amount. In addition, I have had complications from my injuries and need lifetime treatments. We have an arbitration hearing next month, but the driver is only named on the lawsuit, not my auto insurance company. This accident happened in Pennsylvania and I had full tort, stackable, 100,000/300,000. My question is...why is the insurance company not insuring the named insured driver (who by the way happens to be my husband), on my insurance policy?""

Best child Plan or best insurance plan or Mutual funds ?

hi iam 30 year male from india working in merchant navy..i want to invest for future of my child through monthly investment of Rs.5000..please suggest me right way to achive my goal of getting good amount when my child reaches age of 18...i already have LIC jeevan anand..with cover of 10 lakh..and i am also depositing 70.000 p.a in P.P.F...so where u should think i invest to get maximum returns..??

""What is third party car insurance? Can I, with no insurance, drive someone else's car, if they have insurance?""

So heres the deal. I don't have car insurance, my friend does. He seems to think that because he has third party insurance , I am able to drive his cause because the third party insurance will cover me in case of an accident. I don't think he's correct but, I'm not entirely sure how it works. So, what is third party insurance? Can I, with no insurance, drive someones else's car, if they have insurance? If they have third party insurance? Is there anything at all, in any kind of insurance that would allow me to drive his car, without me having insurance - even though he has inurance? So I've said the same question 10 times but...can someone who is uninsured drive someones car, if the owner of that car is insured?""

What are the different types of life insurance?

and which ones are better to get, middle age ,non smoker""

Should I get life insurance?

My mom and I live together. I am 43 disabled male, and my mom is going to be 76 in september. We have no debt, but no savings. We live in a ranch which is reverse mortgaged, and when my mom dies it will go to the bank. I can buy a 15yr 100,000 dollar policy at 285 a month. We will have enough of money after the Premium to live off from. Do I start a savings account or do I buy the insurance?""

Can someone please help me with a question about affordable health insurance? Please some info?

Where could a 56 year old female find some legitimate affordable health insurance? I would appreicate any advice you could pass along. Thank You so Much!!

S2000 insurance for a 16 year old male?

Im turning 16 in august and i was looking for a sports car and was looking into the ap1 s2000 or the mustang gt(2006+ v8 coupe) both are available for under $15,000 which my parents are giving me, but I am not sure which one i should get. Which one would you choose as a first car?( don't say get a beater because my mom wont let me get a car with over 80,000 miles). I was wondering what the insurance rates would be for both. just a little background info to help you think of how much the insurance would be. I'm a 16 year old male. under 3.0 GPA, about to take drivers ed.,and Live in GA. Also, are there any other quick convertibles or coupes worth considering(No miatas, and no new beetles please)""

""Please help, student health insurance?""

I live in New York i'm 19 and go to college. Recently i have been having this heartbeat rhythm in my ear for the past couple of weeks. Anyways i want to see a doctor because my ear is starting to hurt a little.But i have no health insurance or anything in NY. My parents live in VA, when i used to live in VA i was covered through my parents health insurance. Is there anything i can do ? Any affordable health insurance companies i can look into? Any health clinics ? Does the state of NY provide anything for college students?""

When do you have to get your own health insurance? ?

im 17 will soon be turning 18 and will be starting college in the fall . i have a medical card and im under my moms health plan/insurance. but when do i branch off to get my own insurance/plan ??

Why is car insurance expensive for young male drivers than female drivers?

Why is car insurance expensive for young male drivers than female drivers?

""Car Insurance - 18 Year old added as a driver to parents car Insurance cost, high?""

My mum who doesn't drive very much is considering selling her crappy car which is probably gonna fail the MOT. But since I have a reasonably good paying job at 18, I thought, may as well spilt on a car, get something I want and will maintain, and she can use it as long as long as part of the insurance is paid off. So my mum pays around 50 a Month on a Daewoo (very small and crap car, 1.0L) I have a motorbike, so experienced on the road (could count towards a discount), but only got my driving license fully a week ago, passed with flying colours. So my mum with like 4 years no claims, and an 18 year old on a Subaru Impreza? What you reckon?""

Car insurance help? How much?

I'm 18 years old and I just got my drivers license, I own a Eclipse Mitsubishi 95.""

How much do you pay for ur car insurance every month and how old are u?

I pay $83.09 every month and i am 20 years old. is that too much??, keep in mind that i never had any kind of accident or anything and i started driving when i was 15. I kinda starting to think its a waste of money if u think about it.""

Anyone in PA know about the car insurance discount?

Supposedly you can get about 7% to 8% off car insurance if you have an Emergency vehicle Certificate. Does anyone know anything about this?

Insurance (and more) for new driver in Ontario?

So, I'm going to take my written test (G1) tomorrow and I'm looking ahead trying to figure this out. I plan on taking a MTO certified course to be able to take my G1 exit driving test in 8 months. I have a car lined up that will practically be given to me in 8 months. I'm 30 and living on my own. Will I be able to get insurance on a car with only a G2 license? Will I have to pay through the nose for it? Would it be legal and/or cheaper to have my dad buy the car and put it and me on his policy? Would I live to be living in the same household as him? Any other ideas, issues, or options I should be aware of? Thanks a bunch.""

""Looking for cheap life insurance, any suggestions?""

I've heard of alot of insurance companies being a rip off, i'm looking for good, dependable and affordable.""

Jeep wrangler Insurance rates?

Does anyone have a wrangler? Im looking at buying a 2007 this year and would like a heads up about insurance rates.

Does anyone know where I can get cheap car insurance for a 26 year old first time driver in the UK?

I have tried a few comparison sites but they come back with 2000 and up. I have tried adding my Dad and my sister but it does not make much difference, should I add more people? Or am I going to the wrong sites? Thank you in advance for any responses.""

Will getting a car permit/License increase tax?

I wanted to get my permit and then license as soon as possible. My mom however says by driving there will be an increase on tax she has to pay. Does she mean insurance? I'm not sure what she means by that, so can anyone explain?""

How much would insurance be for a 17 year old male in Alabama?

Please only educated, backed-up answers.""

Need help with Car Insurance?

I am a 17 year old male in california, who just bought a 92 Buick Skylark and I need to no what would be my best bet when it comes to getting insurance, I would like cheap insurance, as cheap as I can get. I have shopped around and its not helping. PLEASE DONT SAY LOOK IT UP YOURSELF CAUSE I HAVE AND I AM ASKING FOR SOME HELP!!!""

Can the auto insurance company pay me directly for my medical expenses or do they have to pay the doctor?

I was in an auto accident and I have medical insurance. My medical insurance covered my medical expenses; however, I wanted to know if the auto insurance is still liable for those expenses? It seems as if my having medical insurance should benefit me and not the liable party's auto insurance company. If I did not have medical insurance the auto insurance company would still have to pay for those expenses. So shouldn't they still have to pay for those expenses and I get what ever is left that my medical insurance company did not pay? Are there any laws statures that back this up in Georgia? I am trying to settle this claim without getting an attorney and I need all the help I can get. Any advice would be helpful. I am in the process of writing a demand letter. Thanks for all the help.""

""Insurance for 6 months, changes mid policy?""

I'm looking at buying insurance for a 6 month period, but 2 months into the period there will be a change that causes a significant price drop (3 points removed from my license and my birthday). Will they generally allow me to have my rate adjusted mid-policy? I'm talking of a price difference of about 100 a month, so I really want to see how I can make this work.""

I'm 17yo Male and need cheap car insurance!!!!?

Well im 17 soon and want to get are car so i can work more. i have been looking at some very cheap cars that i would think are cheap to insure but are not- Fiat Punto (more than 10 years old) worth 400; 6000 to insure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same with Peugeot 106- around the same price to insure. What other cars would you recommend that are cheap to insure???

I am currently finishing my prerequisites to get into nursing school and I am interested in the different...?

I am almost done with the prerequisites and the huge waiting lists for ALL nursing schools...state and community college...are scaring me. I started to look into the trade schools that offer the RN programs and I know they are more expensive but I was wondering if employers look at them differently. If I decide to go to a trade school I wonder if it will be a disadvantage. Could anybody please give me advice. Thank you.

Pet Insurance question?

I've looked into Bansfield (Petsmart) Insurance and at first I thought it would be great, I get free office visits and such, but after looking further into it I realized its only offered and taken at bansfield, so that means if my 1 year old pomchi (pomeranian chihuahua mix) got sick at 3 am and needed to be taken to the vet that the vet I take him to wouldn't accept bansfield insurance and it would cost me, and bansfield is only open until like 7pm...so does anyone else know of any good pet insurance? maybe one that covers a lot lol, I do like the idea of free office visits though...those get expensive..

How do insurance companies determine fault?

I was in an accident. My insurance company told me I was 0% at fault and the other driver 100% at fault. The other insurance company said i was 50% at fault and the other driver was 50% at fault. what happens next? who suppose to agree with who?

""Should I get Jaguar car, which one, and how much will I pay to maintain it?""

I want a cool car. I totally fall in love with Jaguar. But, I also dont want to spend a lot on gas and insurance. So, should I get it? I'm 19 years old, male. How much do I have to pay the insurance probably? And what if it's a Volt? Is that better? And how much will I have to pay to maintain it? I'm California.""

Car Insurance question....?

Ok, so I'm 24 about to turn 25(apparently that's when your taken out of the pool , or so I've heard, which means my rates should lower.) However my insurance will expire before I turn 25, and there will be about a 3 month gap between those dates. I was wondering if I could get car insurance to cover those 3 or so months, or would I have to buy a 6 month and then get another quote later?""

Where to find low cost medical insurance?

Where to find low cost medical insurance?

What is the insurance of Maybach car?

I live in the UK. I don't want sites referred to me, but just want an estimate of how much insurance would be""

How much is car insurance for a range rover sport 2010?

I have a friend how is looking to get a 2st hand range rover sport 2010 but Is worried about the insurance. What is the range of car insurance prices I just want a price range if there is anyone out there how has a range rover sport. My friend has been driving for 5 year and has never had an accident.

How is the mandate to buy car insurance different than the mandate to buy health insurance?

This seems to be a popular talking point among liberals. It saddens me that liberals are so partisan that they are blinded to the obviousness of the differences. So for the record, what are the two differences between the requirement to have car insurance and the requirement to have health insurance? 10 points goes to the most simplistic and straight to the point answer.""

An affordable car to purchase with cheapest insurance for a 17 y/o?

Hey, I'm 17 and looking to purchase my first car. Of course, insurance is a big issue for me. I was wondering what car would be a good buy where insurance wouldstill be cheap? I'm looking at spending around 500 for a second hand car, so all these new electric economic cars which cost thousands that google keep bringing up are too miuch for me. I heard about ford KA's, Nissan Micra's, Renault Clio's and Vauxhall Corsa's being good, however, when I look on insurance websites there's about 50 versions of each car with different engines, doors, years etc, and I don't have the slightest clue which version of the car would be the cheapest, other than having a smaller engine. I was wondering if anybody could provide me with the make and models of the cars which are the cheapest to insure, but are still well priced and can be picked up easily second hand. Thanks""

Would car insurance be more on a newer 2-door red sports car or an older 4-door sedan BMW?

Basically, I am a 20 year old college student and I am going through the proccess of buying a car. I have some family friends helping me out. They told me I could get financed for a 2006 red 2 door sports car but I am still on my parents insurance and I don't want it to skyrocket. I will be paying for my car but I don't want to make my parents pay a ridiculous amount for my insurance. I would just like to know which one is more likely to be cheaper...""

What's the average price of new driver's insurance?

For the longest time I didn't want to drive anywhere. I live in a big city, I can bus or bike where I need to be. But I've been forced into getting a drivers license, and will need to get a car soon. What's the average cost of insuring a typical used car with a 28 year old male new driver?""

Do i need insurance to sell motobikes?

I am selling mini moto's and quad bikes online, do i need liability insurance to sell these?""

Good classic car insurance proposers?

i have a Ford Fiesta L 1979 and l would like to know some cheep classic car insurence

Insurance for a new driver?

I'm hoping to get my driver's license this summer (am over eighteen) but do not plan to drive in the near future since the college I'll be attending next year does not allow freshmen to have cars. Does the insurance requirement for taking the behind-the-wheel exam in CA require proof of an insurance contract under my name, or is it just the vehicle I test with have to be insured? Could I borrow my parents' car for the exam and not get insurance for myself?""

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.""

Will an Illinois speeding ticket put points on my Michigan license and raise my insurance?

I am from Michigan and got a speeding ticket in Chicago IL. Will this put points on my Michigan license? Will this cause my Allstate insurance rate to go up? Thanks for the help!

Need to find a good place and affordable price for dental care..?

Hello I'm from Oklahoma and I'm looking for a good Dentist.That is affordable.I have BCBS Insurance.But it only pays a small amount.I will be 33 next week and I'm so depressed over my teeth.I got real sick a few yrs back and the meds and all just made my teeth rot..Please someone help..Thanks Melody

What car insurance should I get?

I just got my first car. Its a 1998 Subaru Legacy L sedan. I need insurance bad, I want to get something good, but inexpensive. I know thats hard to find, but I am on here asking because I don't know what is good and bad in the insurance world. Please help me! Thank you in advance. Heres a few factors that might help. Age:19 Sex:Male I've only had my license under a year. This is my first car The car is automatic, green, and stock.""

I'm uninsurable! How can I lower/get car insurance?

I am a insurance company's worst nightmare. 17 year old male, I have a job in a rough town, no experience and to top it all off I only finish work at 11pm so ill be driving at night. I have not passed my test yet but need the car for work. Whenever I use go compare or compare the market I am either quoted a stupid amount 10,000+ or I am uninsurable. I cannot get a box monitor installed because the car needs to be home at 11and I don't finish work untill then.""

Health insurance cost?

In June of 08 my fiance and I are getting married in IL. I will be just out of school and looking for a full-time teaching job. My soon to be husband graduated 2 years ago and found a part-time music job, but the school eliminated all the part-time positions. He is now subbing and teaching percussion lessons every week. We both will have to pay for insurance until we both get full-time jobs. What is a normal cost to pay per month. If I was to average $150.00 a month is that to little or to much for the two of us. I will be 22 almost 23 and he will be 25. I know he has insurance, but it only covers things that will cost over $8,000 and everything else he pays for out of pocket like shots and etc. It would be nice to have a better plan. He has a screwed up back and some other issues with his body hurting from time to time and blue cross and blue sheild rejected his application. So, it was hard for him to find a company to insure him. Thanks!""

Can anyone tell me how do you get cheap auto insurance rate and from what company or any website or link?

How do you get cheap auto insurance rate and from what company?can you tell me?

Help me with my car insurance question!?

i am currently insured on my grandfathers insurance as a secondary driver because they gave me their car when they paid it off. well now im selling that car and we are wondering how the insurance will work? will i just be able to switch it over to my new car though it will be in my name now instead of his? should i just put the name of the car in my grandfathers name to make things easier? or can it still be done with a reasonable increase on my car insurance? right now i pay 500 every 6 months because of my good driving record and i get the student discount, how much more will it go up if i have a car under my name?""

Car insurance question! HELP HELP HELP?

I just bought a car from a dealership and its sittin there. but tomorow i plan on changing to a NJ license cause currently i have a MA license. They said i need to get insurance for the car before they let me take the car. So if I go to any insurance place tomorw will i be able to get the insurance THAT day? and then get my car ? THANKS

Affordable insurance?

I want to start a new job They will offer me and my family a great insurance plan expense free The only catch is that it will not take affect for 6 months The present plan paid for by my employer will only last for 30 days once I leave this job Does anyone know of a basic affordable health insurance plan that i can purchase for 5 months Thank You

What is the average price of car insurance a 18 year old?

I want an estimate; I keep saying there is no average... I need a price line or an example? Would it be closer to $ 30, $100, $250? I just need a reasonable estimate of what an average 18 year old would pay for car insurance""

Is triple a the best car insurance?

Is triple a the best car insurance?

Pet Insurance question?

I've looked into Bansfield (Petsmart) Insurance and at first I thought it would be great, I get free office visits and such, but after looking further into it I realized its only offered and taken at bansfield, so that means if my 1 year old pomchi (pomeranian chihuahua mix) got sick at 3 am and needed to be taken to the vet that the vet I take him to wouldn't accept bansfield insurance and it would cost me, and bansfield is only open until like 7pm...so does anyone else know of any good pet insurance? maybe one that covers a lot lol, I do like the idea of free office visits though...those get expensive..

Any one know any good insurance for new driver that is only 18?

My mom tried adding me to her AAA insurance and it would be 1150 every sic month that too much anyother cheap insurances thanks

Will Fred loyas liability auto insurance policy cover a person driving your car if they have any or all of the?

My romate is from out of state so she doesnt have a texas drivers licensae! She has a out of state license but it may be expired - I have liability insurance in texas from fred loya insurance-Will any of these factors keep her from being covered while she is driving my car?

Is Titan Insurance a good choice?

I am thinking of switching my auto insurance to Titan from State Farm. They are about $30 cheaper per month. However, I don't want to do so if they aren't a good insurance company. This is the first I am hearing of them. Can anyone offer a review?""

Insurance (probability)?

An auto insurance company has 10,000 policy holders. Each policy holder is classified as.. - young or old - male or female - married or single Of these policyholders, 30000 are young, 4600 are male, and 7000 are married. the policyholders can also be classified as 1320 young males, 3010 married males, and 1400 young married persons. Finally, 600 of the policyholders are young married males. How many of the company's policyholders are young, female, and single?""

Cheap auto insurance online?

Where can I get the cheapest online auto insurance?

Do home/auto insurance companies play favorites with their customers when they pay out claims? ?

This is probably going to come off as a little dumb, but I can't think of another way to phrase it. I'm 25 y/o, a new homeowner, and I already have filed a homeowners claim for water damage. I have had the easiest time in the world with my insurance company paying for repairs, and it actually really suprised me how easy it was. After I filed the claim, I looked around online, and I saw where people were having nightmare problems with their insurance company for the same type of damage I'm claiming. My parents have been with this insurance company for 25+ years. The policy is mine alone, but I have the same agent that they have. I've also been on my parents' car insurance since I turned 16. My parents and I have all been pretty-much accident/claim free, and they always pay their bills on time. Here's my question. When this insurance company was analyzing my claim, did they take into account my parents' longterm business, or are they considering me independent from my parents? I'm asking, because I've heard of companies that drop their clients after one water-damage claim, and I'm a little worried they'll drop me""

Can I dispute my insurance adjuster's estimate of value of a totaled vehicle?

I have a vehicle which was totaled. Insurer is Progressive. I live in WA, so the adjuster is not allowed to use NADA or KBB to determine value. He's supposed to provide fair market value. He got two estimates, both of which seem very low to me--less than half the replacement cost of a vehicle from the same year in the same condition. I've asked whether I can submit Craigslist listings from my half of the US to prove the value is higher. He says any documentation must be from within 150 miles of my home, which puts me at a disadvantage since I live in a rural area. I'm wondering: 1) Is my insurance company obligated to accept competitive estimates of value in determining my vehicle's value if I can find local shops that determine that the value is higher? 2) What mechanisms are in place to ensure that value estimates made by dealers are accurate, and can a dealer's estimate of value be disputed? 3) What other options do I have if my adjuster refuses to budge on value?""

Is it against the law to drive with out insurance in VA?

Vehicle Insurance

How much can you lie while obtaining new auto insurance?

I'd like to know... Whenever you're trying to obtain new auto insurance they take your driver's license number & social security number.. You'd think that they could look up any tickets/accidents you've gotten into. BUT, why do they ask? If you forget an incident, will they find out? This is coming from a 21 year old who was already paying $1,200 over 6 months for insurance and was involved in an rear-end collision doing 15 in congestion on the interstate, now my premium is $2000 for 6 months.""

WILL MY CAR INSURANCE BE HIGH?!?

I am 16 male, and I have a 2006 Honda Civic Sedan 4 door black currently living in NYC Long Island and I want to know what is my Insurance rate. How much would I have to pay every month please tell me every month not year !! Thanks ALSO FOR POINTS PLEASE TELL ME HOW MUCH FOR A 2002-2006 Honda accord !!""

Affordable health insurance for self employed?

My husband is selfemployed and we want to get an affordable family insurance or possibly just an insurance for me. I a m a nurse but I only work part time and my company wont cover me for insurance. any good health insurance companies that we can get and would cover maternity care in the future?

Cheapest car insurance?

infinity is cheaper than esurance.

I knocked someones car but he claimed for a lot more and now my insurance has gone from 400 to 900 - help!!?

Back in June I knocked into a stationary vehicle in a car park. I waited for the guy to come back and apologised straight away. (when its your fault in life own up) He was initially annoyed (fair enough) but went on to tell me that someone else had knocked into his car recently and caused 600 worth of damage (the other driver had sped off and hed already had a quote for the work). I cant remember the exact wording of the next bit - but it was understood that I would pay whatever it cost on top of that to fix the area (bumper / side corner area) We exchanged details. I told my insurance company what had happened and the previous damage. There were also photos taken at the time that I forwarded on (not sure if they were actually any help) Next I hear his insurance company has approached mine with a bill for 700. The total amount for fixing his car. I brought up the matter of the previous damage - couple of conversations between insurance companies - his asking him directly if there was any previous damage and him saying no. I told my insurance company that there was a friend with me (we were walking our dogs in the park) who had heard the whole conversation - in fact she was the one that took the pictures. She is a responsible, respectable person who was happy to make a statement. I was told by the insurance company that as it was someone who knew me - they couldnt be seen as an impartial person and they ended up paying the whole amount to his insurance company. I have just received my new insurance quote. Last year it was 437 and now that I have lost my 3 years no claims bonus (I have been driving for much longer but have only owned a small van for 3 years (practicality for my dogs muddy feet) and insurance starts again for vans) but I also have this 700 fault against my name this year. My insurance quote is now 960. Is there anything I can do. Does anyone have advice for any further action I can take? I believe in taking responsibility for your actions - but I am being cheated here out of a lot of money and I dont know what to do. If 100 was down to me then I could have just paid that amount directly and not lost my no claims bonus. But as it stands it will cost me around 500 this year and more again on the consequent years of insurance. Sorry for this being a long one but I really am lost. My insurance is due on 7th Jan.""

My Insurance Rates More Than Doubled After Moving To Florida?

Auto rates doubled, homeowners is about five times more than Virginia. What is up with this? Has anyone experienced changing to Florida and getting hit with high insurance rates, seems lilke for everything, including boats. Why so much more? I know about hurricanes, but this is ridiculous,.""

""How much does private health insurance cost in Johannesburg, South Africa for 1 healthy young person?""

My husband may be relocated to South Africa for about a year. My sister was going to come with us. My husband gets health insurance through his work for him and I and my two kids. My sister would have to get her own health insurance. I understand that you want private coverage over there b/c its considerably better. We are from the U.S. Does anybody know the average cost (just an estimate) of about how much it would cost her per month for private health care insurance over there for one person? We would be in the Johannesburg area. She is 26 yrs old, non smoker, physically fit, no health problems at all, etc. No maternity coverage needed either.just a basic just in case something happens plan. Shes had no prior surgeries or anything else like that and no pre existing conditions. She also does not take any medications. Any info on this would help a lot! Thanks.""

Tee Motorcycle insurance?

I'm 17, I live in Arlington TX, I have A's and B's with a few C's (my parents told me they look at grades. True?) I'm Looking at buying either an older honda shadow, probably around 750 cc or an older Kawasaki Vuclan (same). THe bikes will be pre-2000, and I will be getting bare minmum insurance. Can anyone guess at the rate?""

Should I include collision on my car insurance?

I have a 2002 Honda Civic sedan with 99,000+ miles on it. In shopping around for better car insurance (my old policy expires next month), most agents I interacted with included collision for around a $300 annual premium. Some people I told about my insurance shopping said that to carry collision on such an old car is not necessary. I'm seeking an unbiased opinion as to what are the advantages, if any, about including collision, or any other info on what to look for in a good policy. Thanks.""

Would a 2002 Mustang Coupe have high insurance?

I understand most sports cars cause a spike in insurance money for young drivers. Would a 6 cylinder 2002 Mustang for a young driver under your parents policy be much more expensive? If so, how much?""

Car Insurance Renewal Why Did It Make That Much Of A Difference?

My partner had his renewal quote through and we've been shopping around and haven't even come close to getting it cheaper elsewhere so he decided to ring them thinking by taking me off the policy it would make it cheaper still since I've only had my license just over a year and would think still be considered a high risk but it in fact increased the price by about 60 my partner got a speeding fine last year which gained him 3 points too so we knew that would have an impact on the price this time but the only explanation I can think of was that me being female and at 31 i'm not what is classed as a young driver either and a named driver on his policy helps to keep the cost down but aren't the insurance companies doing away with that criteria as it was discriminating? Can anyone shed some light on this as its all a bit confusing and am just curious to why I actually help to keep his insurance cheaper

Auto insurance rate question?

How much can your insurance rates go up after one accident

Cost of car insurance?

I am a 17 year old female. No crashes, good driver. I just got enough money to buy a car, and need to pay for the insurance. I Dont know how much money that would cost. I hear its diffrent everywhere, but what is the adverage for minnesota would you say? I'd appreciate it! thanks :)""

What is required for a new resident in England (from Canada) to get car insurance?

Moving to England shortly, and it will be so much easier to find work and move into a new place if we have a car first. What information will we need to get insurance? We will be living with friends, so we could use their address and phone number until we get our own place. But will we need a national insurance number before we can get car insurance? British bank account? We'll be getting those things, but it would be so much easier to have the car first. Basically, what is required for us to provide in order to get a car bought, insured, and on the road? (We'll be paying cash.)""

Can someone please tell me how to get cheap liability insurance in the state of South Carolina?

I need cheap liability insurance in the state of south carolina for me (36 years old) and my 16 year old daughter. And Geico is not cheap! Any body have any suggestions?

How to get a temporary car insurance?

my friend would like to come to the UK buy a car and then go back to Hungary , So for the time until he gets back to Hungary how to get a car insurance for that 1 or 2 days , and how to inform the DVLA ( if he has to inform them (i am not sure ) ) that the car left the UK ? Thank you for answers""

Can I add a non-family member to my auto-insurance plan?

I use USAA. I was wondering if I could add my boyfriend as part of my insurance plan, and he would just pay me when the bill comes. We do not live together yet, so I'm wondering if this is possible. He'd be driving his own car. The reason I'm asking is because USAA has good rates and I was wondering if I could share it with him.""

Pet Insurance question?

I've looked into Bansfield (Petsmart) Insurance and at first I thought it would be great, I get free office visits and such, but after looking further into it I realized its only offered and taken at bansfield, so that means if my 1 year old pomchi (pomeranian chihuahua mix) got sick at 3 am and needed to be taken to the vet that the vet I take him to wouldn't accept bansfield insurance and it would cost me, and bansfield is only open until like 7pm...so does anyone else know of any good pet insurance? maybe one that covers a lot lol, I do like the idea of free office visits though...those get expensive..

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-average-insurance-cost-jeep-wrangler-agatha-ibarra/"

[awesome-legendarystudentcho-blog]

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

"Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Are older cars cheaper to insure?

Are older cars cheaper to insure?

Good individual insurance?

My job doesn't provide insurance because it's technically not full time. I absolutely cannot be without medical insurance because I deal with things like depression, asthma, allergies, and back and neck pain from an accident (I need an insurance with very good prescription drug coverage, chiropractic care coverage, and mental health coverage-like therapy/psychiatrists). Needless to say I can't afford to NOT have insurance. I'm also overweight, so it's very hard to find affordable insurance for myself. Since February, I have been on individual insurance with CHAND, a high risk insurance division of Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Dakota. The insurance is pretty good, but I pay $260/month, which is way out of my budget. My question is this: are there any good and inexpensive insurances out there for me? I'm trying to save money for a second bachelor's degree (college) and a wedding. Can anyone help? Thank you in advance- I deeply appreciate it!""

Illegal car insurance?

My EX boyfriend went behind mine and my moms back and illegal put insurance on his car in my mothers name. I guess he knows a employee at a insurance automotive and illegally put it in her name without her consent. His friend who was driving the car hit some car today and called my mom and told her everything and now she wants to claim fraud. Who gets in trouble? My ex boyfriend for doing it illegally? The employee who let it happen? His friend who hit the car? Or my mom because they may not believe he did it illegally? BTW; my ex boyfriend owes money to his insurance thats why he couldnt put it in his name

""I'm turning 17 soon & looking for car insurance, anyone know ruffly how much it would be for a toyota celica?

I live in N.ireland

Can I get life insurance on my mother without her knowing or signing anything?

I recently got a scare when my mother was admitted into the hospital from smoking complications. She was having trouble breathing and she was put on a respirator. The nurses and doctor kept saying her lungs were not healing themselves because of smoking for so many years. Thank god she pulled through and they gave her the normal things to take home like medicine and oxygen to use. She unfortunately still has not stopped smoking and my brother and me were really scared. My brother just turned 18 and we have no other family at all, my mom is not married and I wouldnt have been able to afford a funeral if it came to it. My mom is very stubborn and she will not get Life Insurance to help for funeral costs if something were to happen again. Is there a way to for me to get Life Insurance on my mother without her knowing or signing anything ?""

Real Estate career vs Insurance career?

to all real estate agents and insurance agents.... I have my real estate, life insurance and auto insurance licenses... have been struggling in life insurance business and trying to start with auto insurance to see how it will work out for me and if I can cross sell life and auto together... Also I am very much interested in real estate, I feel like I love it more than anything but i am so scared to go after that, I am afraid that it will take another year or so from my life to really understand and have it going.... I have been struggling in life insurance sales but we all know that life insurance is kind of secondary but real estate, we know that everybody is making money to have that American dream but I don't know how it feels like to be in real estate business.... so any suggestions, about advantages or disadvantages, about money, in which area I can earn more money, about the activities and what should I do to earn trust and start selling... please advice which one should I choose and why based on your experience.... please teach me something, advice me, comment, and make suggestions.. I am lost and frustrated and don't know what to do ..I really want to what is for me and work hard to make it work ....""

Have Democrats forgotten that Candidate Obama opposed forcing people to buy health insurance?

http://www.campaignforliberty.com/blog.php?view=27950 As Obama said in the January 31st primary debate: Senator Clinton. . . believes that we have to force people who don't have health insurance to buy it. Otherwise, there will be a lot of people who don't get it. I don't see those folks. And I think that it is important for us to recognize that if, in fact, you are going to mandate the purchase of insurance and it's not affordable, then there's going to have to be some enforcement mechanism that the government uses. And they may charge people who already don't have health care fines, or have to take it out of their paychecks. And that, I don't think, is helping those without health insurance. That is a genuine difference.""

""If you have bad grades when you buy car insurance, but you improve your grades?""

If you have bad grades when you buy car insurance, but you improve your grades later, will they still give you a discount?""

""Do You have To pay A Brokers Fee, When They Find U Car Insurance?""

I know some one who payed a huge brokers fee, when they found car insurance for her. Are all broker fee expensive. (finders fees).""

What is the cheapest & best health insurance plan in the state of New York.?

I live in Great Neck. Need insurance for a family of four two adults around their 30's, and two young boys. -Dental Insurance -Health Insurance -Eye Insurance""

Term Insurance or General Insurance?

I am thinking of insuring a member of my family. What would be an ideal choice? Going for a term insurance plan or general insurance? 10 points to the best answer.

How do i switch my auto insurance policy before my term is up?

I currently have Direct Auto insurance, but i would like to switch companies to get a cheaper rate. i never had to cancel my insurance before the term is up, and my term isnt up till november 2010. my question is, how do i do that (if i can), and will i be charged for it?""

What's the best affordable health insurance for a freelancer?

I was laid off in March and still need to figure out a health plan. Not being covered is scary! How can I get some coverage that's affordable ASAP? Thanks.

Can you drive your parents' car without insurance?

i am 16 and live in Washington and I was wondering if I had to pay my own insurance to drive their cars.

What is going on car insurance ?

i had a crash over a year ago, my car insurance took it to court last week due to the other party not having any evidence or produce thier side of events etc. the Judge told them they had a week to comply and they should settle 80-20 in my favour but they still are playing hard ball by saying they think i know my witness, so they should have it 80-20 in their favour , of which i dont. so why are they still not showing their side of the crash etc, and dragging this out. also is this legal?""

Car accident and no insurance!! Advice?

My brother just got caught driving without insurance. I know this sounds bad, but he has been struggling with money for some time now, and has many school loans he is paying off.... Too make a long story short, he can't afford car insurance and made a dumb move to drive to work and back without insurance. Now a car drove in to him, and had no insurance to show the officer. He now has to show up to court to prove that he had insurance!!! I feel bad for him.....what is the fine? He wasn't at fault for the accident! He just got back on insurance but he didn't have it at the time of the accident.... What is going to happen? What should he do to save himself??? Please help.... :S""

""After a DUI,about how much a month does your car insurance go up?

First DUI and I share a policy with a family member.

Motorcycle insurance?

can someone recommend me to a good motorcycle insurance. Thanks

Quick question about car insurance?

just turned 18. got my permit. going to get my license next week. I am allowed to use my moms car and it has insurance under her name. is it legal for me to drive the car if I don't have my own personal insurance?

What is the cheapest car to insure?

What is the cheapest, cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old in the UK. Cheers.""

Can we have the car in one name and insurance in the other name?

My boyfriends car is in his dads name. Does anyone know if we could keep the car in his dads name but get the insurance in my boyfriends name???

Is this fronting or just cheaper insurance?

Now I know the idea of car insurance fronting is putting myself as a named driver on my parents insurance when infact I am the main driver... but hear me out on this: I'm a 22 year old guy and I've almost finished my lessons now. And getting my own insurance plan has been quoted to me at anywhere between 3000-5000 on a 1.0l Corsa/Micra with third party cover (which apparently have THE lowest insurance currently in 2011 for young drivers) But Compare The Markets quote site has this one option; If I make my dad the insurance policy holder, and I get added as a Named Driver... it gives the option Main Driver and I can be selected, and low & behold the insurance quote drops to 1800 Is this still fronting? and therefore illegal? I mean, I AM listed as the main driver... its just my dad will be the policy holder. Many thanks in advance from a (maybe) new driver! :)""

Can i get a no insurance ticket if the car was insured but my name isn't under the insurance?

i got pulled over and i was driving my brothers car so the cop gave me a ticket for no insurance cause he said that my name wasnt under the insurance. If i go to court and show the insurance that i had in the car will they still fine me?

Insurance for Ferrari?

I'll be 25 soon, when car insurance traditionally becomes cheaper - but I've only been driving for a couple of years and am on my father's insurance so no no claims bonus for me to amass. I'd quite like to buy a Ferrari before I'm 30. What's the best way for me to handle the insurance companies?""

Cheapest car insurance provider for a 23 year old?

I am 23 year old and had no claims up until last year when i had a little bump and now the quotes are terrible for even a little 1litre. does anyone know of realistically priced insurance company's for younger drivers? thanks for the help.

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Does where you live affect your car insurance price even if you're only third party/fire/theft?

I recently moved to a city from the countryside. I guess I need to inform my car insurance company of this, but I'm worried they'll want some more money off me and tbh I don't have any whatsoever! Do you think they will? I only have third party/fire/theft cover.""

Should my insurance really be 1950 on a 1.1 peagout 106 at the age of 18?

hello, should my insurance really be 1950 on a 1.1 peagout 106 at the age of 18 for third pary, fire and and theft, this really seems steap for a 1.1 litre, its not modified or been changed in any way or form, please help me get it cheaper lol""

Temporary car insurance??

so I just bought a car that I'll get from the dealership tommorow night and I need it right away. the problem is that it is my first car and my insurance needs to take 15 days to ...show more

""I'm 15, pregnant, and have NO insurance?""

I don't qualify for medicare. My parents make to much, can anyone give me any ideas of what I can do for insurance? Please, No hateful comments. I'm really being serious here.""

How much is insurance if your under 18?

In Ohio and my sister wont b quiet cuz she dont have a job and is broke but I am younger than her and i have 600 dollars 2 save for a car. and she is whining cuz she dont have a job so i was wondering how much is insurance in Ohio

CAR INSURANCE I NEED HELP!?

Me and my boyfriend wants to buy a car but were concern about the car insurance we cant afford to pay 200 dollars or more a month just for car insurance but we refused to drive with out insurance we have a baby on the way and we don't know what to do and we really need a car bad please anyone can you please help us out if so can you leave numbers if you know something we just need help

""New Car, Driver's Test, Proof of Insurance?""

My Dad bought me a car about three days ago and the dealership said they will insure the car for 14 days while my dad gets insurance through his company. I might take my driver's test tomorrow and I want to use this car for it. If I show the dmv the insurance papers the dealership gave me, will that count as proof of insurance for my road test? Thank you.""

Is Texas a no-fault insurance state?

My G-Friend recently met with a car accident and we are still waiting for the accident report to determine the fault. She was not hurt but the other driver was hospitalized. Your opinions and suggestions welcome about how to handle this with Insurance company and attorney if required.

Car insurance help?

Around how much is car insurance? Am I looking at like 50 bucks a month? 500 bucks a month? I really have no idea. Any help is appreciated.

How much does an apartment insurance in New York cost?

What would it roughly cost to have a half million dollar apartment insuranced in New York, a month?""

Insurance For A 1999 or 2000 328CI Manual BMW And Im 18 How Much A Year And Month?

i want to get one a 1999 manual model or a 2000 manual model how much will it cost per year and monthly

Car insurance question?

how much is insurance for a 17 year old with say a used 90s honda?

Average insurance on a Nisan Micra?

I'm not planning to buy a car for a few years but I would like to open an account saving up for insurance ect. so I am prepared. I'm planning to buy the nissan micra or a car of similiar price and size, its not extremely important to me. I would like to know a rough price for my insurance so I know what I'm working with. Please do not tell me to look on a car insurance website like go compare or confused.com, I have tried this but do not want to fill out a long form filled with questions I am unsure about. As I said, I'm not being exact, I just want a rough price. I am aged 17-22 and female. Any rough prices are welcome:)""

WHAT IS BEST LIFE INSURANCE OR FUNERAL INSURANCE.?

a friend asked me this question so i thought id ask you guy's out there. we are both single guy in hour early and mid 30's,both receive a DSP_pension,live separately were just mates,no dependants both smoke cig's yes were slowly giving em up we live in Tasmania,Australia and are wondering what would be best for a single person life or funeral insurance,is there a difference between them,does life insurance cover for your funeral expenses.IVE ask CENTRELINK and they DID NOT HAVE ANY INFOMATION.""

""Car stolen, insurance paid out, car recovered.. What happens next?""

My friend had his car stolen two years ago, and so he claimed on his insurance. After paying his excess, he received payment from his insurance company. Last week, his car was recovered. What happens with the car now? Will the insurance company keep it/sell it to cover what they paid out? Will it be returned to him?""

I receive a health insurance stipend but keep it in savings instead. is this okay?

i went from being fully covered with my company in los angeles, but i moved to new york 7 months ago, where their insurance doesn't cover. in lieu of this, they give me a stipend. however, it's not nearly enough to cover cost of insurance here, so i've been putting it in a savings account until i can afford a plan in my budget and/or emergency health situations. my boss just asked me for proof of insurance. i will tell the truth of the matter, but what will happen? what can they do?""

Should i get a '94-'2000 toyota camry for my first car?

I'm trying to be reasonable, i know i need an older car so my insurance is cheap (i cant be on my parents). and i know toyotas are good cars, i like the look of the camry 4-door. and ive seen alot for under 7,000.. any other ideas for good cars that are cheap?""

Does anybody have Affordable Health Care benefits for individuals and the entire family?

Are you or your family looking for affordable Premier Health Care Savings Plan with up to $2,000 Accident Coverage with only $100 Deductible(on or off the job at school or at play)You ...show more""

Question about car insurance?

My parents are buying me my first car soon. My question is that I currently do not have auto insurance so if I drive off the dealership back home in my new BMW, will I get in trouble if I get caught? My brother has insurance on a different car, will it work if he drives it home? Thanks!""

Car Insurance for a 2007-08 Mustang?

Can anyone give me an estimate on about how much a 17-18 year olds car insurance would be if they were to drive a 07-08 ford mustang please.

What would the insurance cost be for a toyota MR2?

im lookin at buying a 1991 toyota mr2 but i need to figure out wat an average cost for insurance would be?? any help??

When should I expect money from a car insurance settlement?

Today, i was going through a green light and a driver ran a red light and hit the back of my car. i spun out and eventually stopped before hitting anyone else. I was wondering about how long should i expect to wait for insurance to comp me for a rental car (if applicable. i believe i have triple A) and to give me the check for a new car. i have a few follow up questions. 1. what amount will my insurance give me. i have liberty mutual and i had a 2001 kia sephia with 97000 miles in good condition. i just had new tires, alignment and oil change done to it because i just got the car about a week before. 2. the fender, axle, and back tire are completely totaled. the back drivers side is smashed in so should i try to fix or take my losses. 2. should i sue the driver and get a lawyer involved? or just take whatever my insurance will allow me to have? any additional advice, warning, guidelines or wahtever will be helpful also. thanks.""

What kind of Life Insurance is out there for the Elderly? 70 years old and up.

I've seen some on TV and for the life of me, I can't remember all of what's out there. So far, there is no life insurance on my husband's mother and he and I are wanting to take out life insurance on her. What kind of life insurance is out there for ppl 70 years and up that does not require a medical background? She has a bad hip, smokes like a turned over train, and she hasn't had a physical in aprox. 15-20 years. And she has no assets of any kind to help with expenses if she should pass unexpectantly. This is why my husband and I feel that it is important that we take out Life Insurance on her. Thank you for your help. :-)""

Which is best health insurance?

I was wondering whats the best insurance for me im 18 live with my parents dropped out dont go to college plan to get my ged soon. But i have to get some blood work done for my doc out of state and the place i called said its 832$ i can pay for it but im thinking i should jus get insurance since im going to go on TRT soon prehaps.. so what Health insurance can cover my blood work and hopefully everything in future also im not a citizen but i am a green card holder does it make a difference? thanks i didnt reread this so sorry for any errors

How do I get insurance without having a car?

I got a DUI a few years ago and have never needed to get my license back.now I'm about to have my first child and really need to get it back if I need to drive somewhere but I do not have a car. But I need insurance to get it back. Any help will be great. Thank you.

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

What is the average cost of health insurance in California?

health insurance for married couple above fifty

What if: Driving without proof of insurance?

What if someone BORROWS my car and gets caught driving without proof of insurance (my insurance card?) NOT saying there is no insurance - the car is insured. But what if the person gets caught without my insurance card? Who gets charged? Will my insurance go up?

How can I get my insurance cheaper?

21 years old 0 claims bonus first bike : 1998 r1 (already got it) what are some ways to get my insurance down? thanks

What is the best car for cheap insurance?

im 17 and i was wondering what will be the best car for cheap car insurance and around how much will it be.

How much does your insurance go up after a ticket?

I got to experience how effed up and corrupted California's judiciary system is today. I go to check if I'm eligible for traffic school at my courthouse because it never said I wasn't when I paid online and I find out that I'm not. I never got any notice or anything and the people who helped me said its not they're responsibility to tell me if I can go to traffic school or not. Government workers who get paid way to much dont have the time to give me a heads up on if I can go or not I guess. Its my responsibility to but this area is foreign to me, I dont know anything about these laws and everything that goes with it. So I lost out on a non-refundable 60 dollars for no reason. I had to pay online because I would have missed a whole day of classes I had. That was more important then wasting my time at the courthouse. What I want to know is, how much is my insurance going to go up because of this ticket? Its at about 650 right now""

Should we keep health insurance or get rid of it?

anyone know the pros and cons of either getting rid of health insurance or to keep it?

Can anyone give me a quote for car insurance on a 2006 Trailblazer??

I'm 22, female, a college student, I've never had any tickets (knock on wood) I wanted to lease the car but I wanted to know what people thought my insurance would be.""

""Returned glasses, what about insurance?""

I got glasses from lenscrafters, my insurance company paid $194 and I paid $130 for the glasses. I kept getting headache after using these glasses so I returned them back to Lenscrafters. They paid my $130 but I would like to know what will happen to $194 that my insurance company paid to lenscrafters. When I asked lenscrafters they asked me to inform insurance company to revoke the transaction but I see that my insurance company has already paid them. Please let me know my next steps here.""

Which Insurance is better?

I am looking for new car insurance, so I narrowed it down to Geico and Progressive? Anybody have any experience with either of them?""

How can i sell truck insurance?

appointed agent to sell truck insurance

Sports cars with cheap insurance?

I am 16 and I am looking for a sporty looking car, with good horsepower, but that wont kill me with the insurance rates like Mustangs, Camaro's and Trans Am's would. Any suggestions?""

How much would my car insurance be?

I'm 16 years old & a female. I am 5'5 & weigh 150 lbs. I am purchasing a USED 2003 Audi A4 Quattro Base Sedan 4-Door 1.8L ; I was wondering what the estimated car insurance would be for me so I can start by getting the right idea of how much I would need to save each month. Thank you. :)

Which of the following medical expenses are deductible for AGI?

#NAME?

2010 camaro car insurance for 16 year old teen???

So ever since I saw te first transformers movie I have loved the look of the camaro, and after 7 years I'm deciding if I should get one as my first car. Im a major gear head, especially muscle cars. So I've been looking at some 2010 models that are around 14-16 grand. I make on average of 350-400 dollars every two weeks at my job, and I have enough to put around 5000$ down, now more or less ill be paying some where around 180-230$ a month. Now what worries me is the insurance cost.... I know for a first time 16 year old teen it's a bit expensive, so basically on average how much would the insurance be a month? Just an estimated cost would be perfect, and please don't tell me it depends, just a General estimation please and thank you, ps I have a 3.6 gpa and never been arrested, don't know if that helps lol""

What's Toronto cheap auto insurance/Broker?

This city is pure Bull sh*t! I can't find a affordable insurance. If anyone have a good car insurance, please leave their name of contact #? Thanks""

Do i need car insurance in my name?

My brother and me are sharing a car, I just got my license and my mom says i dont need to worry because the insurance covers the car not the driver, i live in texas, is this true?""

Wells Fargo bought insurance for my truck?

Wells Fargo never received notification of insurance for my truck and ended up buying coverage for me (as there is an obligation to have full coverage). All I have to do is let them know about my current coverage and the policy they bought will be dropped. The insurance they bought for me, however, is cheaper than the insurance I have bought through the other insurance company. Can I just keep the insurance Wells Fargo bought for me? Is there a penalty for doing so?""

Driving a car with no insurance and no plates help?

im going to buy a car tonight, can i get in trouble for driving it to my house with no plates and insurance""

""If I reported someone for a hit-and-run, can my insurance company raise my rates?""

My Dad takes care of our family car insurance policy with Mercury. Recently, they have asked about an incident which matches the date of a hit-and-run which I reported to police. Someone backed up into my car while I was not-in-motion, waiting to turn left at a four way intersection. They refused to pull over or get out of their car, and sped off soon after, so I reported it to the police. Now, Mercury wants to talk to me about it. The problem is that my Dad is convinced they will use this against me to get more money from us, because I was the only party who reported the incident. I did not file a claim with my insurance company because the only damage was minimal. How should I best handle this? It seems absurd that doing the right thing-- reporting an irresponsible driver-- could result in a penalty for me, doesn't it?""

Health ins. companies can't deny people for pre-existing conditions. Should the same be true of car insurance?

I ask because my car has some pre-existing problems: 1. The brake pedal only works about 1/3 of the time 2. The engine is currently on fire How can these greedy car insurance companies declare that my car is unsafe to drive?

Refund on car insurance?

Basically i got my car insurance on the 21st may. And i payed the amount in full. I asked, when the documents ill be arriving and they sed with 5working days. But nothing came. I went on holiday on 5th june and i didnt come back until 15th july. And i find that my postbox is damaged and all my post went back to the royal mail. But i still didnt recieved anything from the car imsurance and because it was a renewal quote, i thought probably they dont need anything of me, coz they have already got my detail from last year and thats why i didnt recieve anything. And this was my first time i paid in full. So i thought they only need my signature when im paying monthly. Anyways i went through my spam mails outa curiosity and i find one email from car insurance that says that my car insurance is cancelled. I called them up, but they arent willing to reinstate a cancelled policy. Now im confused, whether i can get my money bac for the rest of the year or not. And if so, how much will they deduct etc. Ive not had any accidents or motor convictions for the past 3years of driving. And i cant find the cancellation policy on there website and i dnt have any paper work that explains it either. I know i can call up. BUt im curious, whether anyone knows about the idea behind this and how it works. Thanks x""

""17 yr old in uk, looking for any tips to get cheaper car insurance.?""

looking for helpful tips to legally lower the price of my car insurance ie what company to go with, whether i should put my mum on my policy etc.""

I cant find car insurance for under 3 grand. im 17?

Im 17,male. got my driving test in a couple of weeks. I already have a car but i cant find insurance anywhere for what i can afford! the cheapest ive found is about 2800. my car is a 1.1 peugeot 1997 106 xl independance. I got this model thinking it would be cheaper to insure because its alarmed, you have to enter a code before you can start the engine. i cant afford to pay almost 3 grand! im lookin to pay 1100-1200. the only way ive found this is if i put it as my mums car and me as a named driver but i know this would be fraud... ive been told the company quinn is cheap but i called them and they quoted me around 3400... my postcode is in the low catagory or a or whatever and the car will be parked on a drive! any ideas?""

What's the best and cheapest Insurance Company for Motorcycles?

I want to buy a 2007 Honda CBR1000RR. I live in Georgia. I was quoting online and the prices are insane!!! I could buy a Range Rover with those monthly payments!!!

Best time to buy car insurance renewal?

my car insurance runs out on the 28th of this month and i'm planning to change companies. when is the best time to buy it (going to pay it off in full), now to start on the 28th or closer to the time like the week before to start on the 28th? is there any difference in price?""

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Pulled over with expired car insurance.?

I was pulled over and asked for my car insurance.It turns out it was expired.I didn't notice since I have been up to date with my payments every month and the insurance company never contacted me to remind me. My insurance expired in September. I got a ticket for it. is there something I can do? even if it expired, does it still matter that I kept paying it?""

What kind of car insurance should I get? I am a student?

I drive a chevy tahoe that is worth about $3500. My current coverage is liability: 50/100 property damage: 50 uninsured motorist 50/100. I live in los angeles california. I pay 1000 a month for my insurance. This is not very affordable and I was wondering what I could do to pay less. I am insured by nationwide. I was thinking maybe I should drop uninsured motorist what do you guys think I should do?

""I just bought a new car, now i have to switch insurance?

how do i go about that. im right in the middle of my current insurance on my old car.

What is the best / most reliable life insurance company?

I am a healthy 18 year old. Soon to move out of home and onto college. I plan for the future. I know how important it is to pre plan, I myself and going into the funeral business. What Life Insurance company offers affordable and reliable policies of $100,000 for a healthy young 18 year old male? How much would the monthly premium cost?""

What is the average cost of sr-22 insurance ??

i need to sr-22 to get my license back after 7 years w/o driving. i lost it in 2001 due to a dui, and haven't driven since. its finally time for me to start my life over, and this is a major step to do it. i learned from the dmv (ca) that i need the sr-22 + insurance, and just a 125.00$ reinstatement cost. i know there are a lot of factors to consider, but just an idea of the cost would be great.""

Car accident with no insurance?

I'm 19, and the car I was driving was constantly breaking down. When it was completely broken for two months, I stopped paying my insurance and instead saved back money to get the car fixed. My insurance canceled during that time. When I got it fixed on Friday, I was planning on renewing my insurance Tuesday, a day I had off work. Unfortunately, Saturday morning I got into a car accident. I was turning out of my apartment entrance to get to a middle lane where I could then get onto another road, and somehow didn't see a car close enough to hit me. He t boned me in the drivers side. Somehow neither of us got hurt. My car is pretty much done and his car, while not as bad as mine, did get some split open damage. The ticket says the damage is worth 3,000. Since I had no insurance at the time, how will this get payed??? I have a court date on the 9th to discuss the fact of my no insurance...I'll have coverage by then of course, but I'd like to know what I should expect...""

How much could be the average insurance for a SMART car?

How much could be the average insurance for a SMART car?

Will a cracked windshield raise my auto insurance rates?

well i am going to get my windshield repaired. it has a crack the size of a dime. it happend about a month ago and i worried that it will get bigger with the hot weather. anyway, i called my insurance company. they are sending someone out to repair it. i am 18 years old but i am on my parents plan. i also have a gpa over a 3.0. my family and i have no record of any accidents whatsoever. my parents just bought me the car on the end of march :( do u think my rates will go up? almost forgot! my insurance company is geico and i live in california""

Car Insurance for young people?

I know I can go online and get a quote by entering in a bunch of information.. But generally speaking.. How much would insurance be for 1.) an 18 year old female college student with good grades, no accidents or tickets. 2.) a 20 year old male college student with good grades and 1 speeding ticket Asking about general liability for a semi-decent car. Any other information would be great =]""

1965 Insurance Estimate/quote?

Listen it has crossed my mind, since i live in an area with many, many 1965,66 mustangs (that are half restored, with okay engines) for sale for like 1200$ right, pretty beat up, but motor is fine. and i am 16, and i see these mustangs fly by, unnoticed and un-bought, and i thought i might want one for myself, for personal use. so what would be a average yearly (monthly also if you can) insurance cost, for personal use, say 5000-12000 miles a year, don't give me crap about mpg, or safety, or you won't find one for that price (looking at local paper, 8 listings, lowest one 750$ runs!, highest 1500$ runs!) okay THESE ARE ALL COUPES!!! NOT FATBACKS, (But try and list if you can, sepretly of course) PS: DON'T ANSWER THIS IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, PREFERABLE MUSTANG INTHUSIST, OR OWNER PLEASE!!! i am 16, no bad driving record, curently male, white, kentucky citizen, well another question, how much do you think a passenger and drivers side door for a 1965/66 coupe would go for, and what about a seat (passenger/driver) saw one that was close to restored missing a few things. thought i might ask as well. please help!""

How much does the insurance usually go up on a 2door car?

How much does the insurance usually go up on a 2door car?

Is my insurance company liable?

My insurance company offered me a policy to cover a de restricted scooter which I agreed to take out, but in order for this policy to take effect I had to give up 4 months of cover totalling around 160 and pay a 80 deposit on the new policy. Last week I was sent a letter notifying me that my insurance was cancelled so I called them and was told that I had to return a copy of my CBT certificate. I rang on Sunday and was told a completely different story and that was that the company they placed me with had decided that they were not going to cover me even though the whole point of changing them was because they specificity dealt with my type of vehicle . They have now offered another policy for 515 pounds with is 100 pounds more than my previous and I am not willing to pay this as they lied to me and told me that I was insured to ride around even though they knew that I was not covered. I have copies of the insurance certificate to prove that they sold me the policy and all other relating documents. Please advise on what I can do.""

A question regarding health insurance for couples?

me and my girlfriend have been dating for two years now. i plan on proposing to her this spring, but we can't afford a wedding yet. i was wondering if me and her could get an affordable health insurance, or would we need to get married to do that? i was also thinking, that if we would have to prove marital status, that we could marry at a court house, then eventually i'd propose and have a formal wedding in the future. what do most couples do in this situation, when finding good health insurance? we're healthy, no illnesses and the only prescription my girlfriend has is for her birth control. i also plan to start my own business, so getting our own insurance would be essential. thanks!""

Is there a way I can drop my car insurance since I am not using my car?

I have not used my car in a few months but still have insurance on it. I still want to keep my vehicle though, but just have it in the garage. Can I drop my insurance? My biggest fear is that once I cancel it and want to start driving my car again I will have higher rates? Is there any way I can avoid this???""

Car insurance on a used car?

I am going to buy a used car from someone, and obviously I need to be insured to drive it home. Is there a way I can get insured for just that day or drive home, so that I can have the car before I do everything I need to with it?""

How much is flood insurance in texas?

How much is flood insurance in texas?

My insurance and buying a new car?

Ok so I've been recently driving for more than 2 years and i haven't been in any accidents (knock on wood) and I've been looking into buying a new car (current car is 22 years old). Buuuuut my dad told me since that we're with Mercury insurance, i have to wait a total or estimate of three years to buy a new car without my insurance going through the roof. Do i really have to wait another year to buy my car???? Should i just wait? I plan on buying a 2014 Chevy Cruze 2.0TD""

Look! Auto Insurance?

Has anyone heard of Look! Auto Insurance based in Michigan? Are they a legit agency? http://www.look-insurance.com/home.nxg

Is my pregnancy covered under my mother's insurance?

I just got married this past year and just found out that I am pregnant. My husband and I are freaking out because I am still under my mother's insurance. I am only 24 and supposed to be covered until I am 26. I am also a student. So question is: Is my pregnancy covered under my mother's insurance? If I am covered then for how long? till the baby gets here? Is the baby covered? If I am not covered then how can I get covered?

What is a fast car for a teenager that still has good insurance?

I am looking for a car and was wondering what the insurance was like on what. this is mostly for guys who own fast cars and pay insurance on them i was looking for mostly imports but i do also like some american cars. was thinking VW jetta/passat thanks

Help with health insurance for Kaiser?

can anyone give me a quote of how much health insurance would cost for 2 adults under Kaiser Permanente .with the $25 copay?

""What is classic car insurance, what cars are eligable and how much would it cost?""

basically i was told that classic car insurance is dead cheap and im a first time driver at the age of 18 and was wounderung how mcuh it would cost?, what cars are eligable ? and is this a cheaper option also my favorite car is vw golf mk 2 gti would this car be eligable for this insurance seen as tho it is quite an old car""

How much would insurance be for a 16 year old in GA?

I'm 16, I own a 2005 Chevrolet Cavalier LS Sport- 2 door, live in Athens, GA, drive less than 7,000 miles annually, drive to and from work and school 5 days a week... haha. I just want to know how much it would be monthly for car insurance on any of the companies. Any help would be appreciated. :)""

What is the cheapest scooter insurance in California?

I have a 80 cc scooter. I ride for pleasure , not commuting far distance. Right now, I am renewing, but $200 for 1 yr. coverage is to high. I'm a college student, 20 yr. old. I didn't take the driver course. Any students out there who have scooter insurance? what you have?""

What are the best car insurance sites for a 17 year old male?

Im just looking what sort of prices id be looking at for insurance for small cars (1.0/1.1 engines) and cant get a quote under 3000. Who are the best insurance providers for recently passed 17 year olds?

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

Bismarck North Dakota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 58504

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