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h5eavenly · 6 hours ago

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Fallen Star┃Jake Sim

Twenty-four - a little of me, warnings: slight mention of death and descriptions of grief etc..

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You had woken up feeling awful. It doesn’t really come as a surprise not when these exact moments have been recurring like daydreams that you somehow swim through with a hazy mind and aching limbs. It all started with a slight cough and a runny nose at the beginning of the week, nothing that was too hard to handle for you. The weather was starting to turn crueler, your clothes layered more, thicker in fabric so when you woke up the very next day completely fine you had guessed that the seven cups of tea you had dawned throughout the previous day had surely done their magic.

You were so wrong.

Your body had decided to collapse on you in the middle of the day. Dizziness sneaking into your mind as if you weren’t just running away from Sunghoon with a laughter so loud you were sure you were gonna turn someone deaf. Thankfully Jake was nowhere around to see you and as Sunghoon was fanning you while you lied down on one of the dressing rooms couches you had made him swear not to tell a soul about it – given his love to announce everyone’s news like they’re his own.

So, it didn’t take you long to figure out there’s definitely something wrong with your body, perhaps it was exhaustion yet no matter how many hours you manage to drown in sleep nothing seems to be helping. You make a mental note to get a checkup thinking it might be an iron deficiency or something along these lines.

And yet each day you open your eyes there is something else wrong with you. be your aching body or a scratch in your throat you can’t seem to cough. It’s torture and it feels like your body keeps toying between the line of being sick and healthy, not sure where to lean into more.

“Jesus. You look awful.” Sunghoon comments as soon as you meet him in front of the elevator.

“Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with your face?” Sunoo adds from beside him with a look of unrestrained disgust etched into his face.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence guys.” You reply with a roll of your eyes, sniffling as you walk into the elevator, and they follow while the cold seems to trail as quickly swirling through the space, and you tighten your arms around your shaking body.

You should have taken a painkiller before leaving your apartment.

“Do you even have makeup on?” Sunoo asks, his disgust is washed away by a look of pure worrisome instead. Although the way it’s directed at you somehow feels offensive rather than warming.

“Yeah. I have concealer on.”

“Yikes.” Sunghoon coughs.

“Maybe you should try a different brand. You know something that actually covers your dark circles” Sunoo pouts, his eyebrows knitting in what seems to be pity as his hand rubs your shoulder soothingly. It takes a few counted seconds for you to register his words. The insult sneaked into it has rancor slipping into your feature just as vast as you squint your eyes at him.

“Are you worried about me or the brands of makeup I use?”

“Your makeup. Duh.” Sunoo rolls his eyes, pulling out his phone and Sunghoon snickers from beside you.

You think you’re aware that you don’t look your best. Although to be quite honest you’re not as worried about your face as how the state of your body is stamping its anxiety deep within you. You don’t get sick often, make sure to take care of yourself in that sense at least and the thought of being home, cuddled up in your bed with a snotty nose and a pounding headache isn’t very exciting and nor do you wish for that to happen.

You’re really praying to every fucking god that exists you’re not actually falling sick.

You’ll be fine though – or at least that’s what you think. That’s what you keep praying for -

Please god please please please!!

At this point you have had your fair share of showing up to work half a mess a day then fully got it together the next day so a few of perturbed coated comments from Sunoo and Sunghoon aren’t gonna bother you too much.

However, it does get to you when you’re face to face with Jay and Soojin - who seem to have tagged along after the two of them sharing a breakfast together - You don’t think Jay has ever been this surprised or is he horrified? While looking at your face as he is right now. You blink at him and as his stare stretches a second too long you wonder if you have grown a third arm in the time you walked from the elevator.

“Oh, you look...” he crosses his arms, his eyes sweeping over your figure as he tilts his head. As if finding a word to describe your state is harder than it appears to be “not every good.” He settles with. Cringing at himself or at you. You’re not very sure of anything anymore.

“For fuck’s sake guys okay! I look like an ugly duckling I get it!” you exaggeratingly whine throwing both of your arms in the air as if it expresses your distress and throw yourself onto the couch with a dry sob and bury your face into one of the pillows. Nor your cry or attempt to suffocate yourself with the awful scent of fake leather seem to be working nor gaining you any grain of commiseration because Sunghoon starts cackling from behind you. Almost as clamorous as your sob.

“Aww yn. Don’t mind these silly boys. They’re just being dumb.” Soojin coos gently, sitting down next to you and turning you on your back and you welcome her with a pout that probably does resemble an ugly duckling.

“Like always.” She adds, raises an eyebrow at Sunghoon who shuts up almost immediately, his face turns expressionless in the blink of an eye, and he pretends to be busy examining the snack table. That is empty. while Jay looks away from you. With an awkward scratch to his neck, you could almost detect the wheels in his head finding error in his words.

“Are you sick?” She asks, tone much softer and clement as she moves her hand up and down your arm. You could stare back for a few silent minutes, mouth slightly agape at the power Seo Soojin seem to contain with merely existing.

You don’t think you could ever make Sunghoon shut up this quickly even with the presence of weapons nearby (not that you’ve ever tried. You definitely would never do such a thing).

“I think I’m just a little tired.” you reply, remembering to close your mouth when it feels too dry.

“You don’t look a little tired though.” She rests the open of her palm on the skin of your forehead and you shiver “thankfully, you don’t seem to have a fever.”

“I do have a bit of a headache.” You say, sitting up probably when you almost feel your body slipping down the couch.

“Maybe you should head home.” She rubs your shoulder soothingly.

“And do what?”

“Rest.” Soojin blinks at you slowly as if the dumbest question has just tumbled out your mouth. You wonder if you have managed to lose braincells while growing a third arm.

“Oh, I’ll be fine don’t worry. Besides, I probably have so much to do and- “Soojin doesn’t even let you finish turning her head away from you towards Jay. Yet her palm remains. It’s warm against your shoulder in contrast to how freezing the weather outside is.

“Jay, does yn have anything urgent today?”

“Not really. Jake’s schedule is very light these days and I could pretty much handle it on my own.” The response comes immediately that you have trouble keeping up, eyes darting between the two.

“Great!” she turns to face you again; a smilemounts up her face and it’s somehow as warm as the heat of the missing sun “I’m getting you an uber and you’re going home to rest!”

“Soojin I’m fine seriously. “Once again, she doesn’t give room for you to argue, your words – or rather complaints melting off your tongue when she stands up from the couch, pulling you up with her.

“You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself yeah?” she says, and you hesitate for a few seconds, unsure of what to say back to such tenderness “we need to remember to be gentle with ourselves too.”

“Okay.” You sigh and she smiles “If I feel worse then I’ll leave!-“ you add and her smile vanishes, replaced by the shaking of her head.

“Jay.” She calls turning her face away from you and he straightens in his seat “call jake and tell him that yn is taking the day off.” Jay obliges almost as forthwith as your exhale. With no questions asked and you could only stare between the two, an amused smile tugging at the edge of your lips with a bigger strive to balance on your feet.

As Jay brings the phone to his ear he seems to notice your eyes on him, however he doesn’t seem to notice the sparkle that comes to life at witnessing affection tinting the air, at knowing there are deeper emotions between two people that they aren’t as aware of.

“Ivy’s the boss here. whatever she says, happens.” He says with a shrug, your eyes shift to Soojin, and you think your smile grows bigger as the slightest, lightest hue of pink settles upon her cheeks. It could be passed by as her red sweater bringing color to her face, the light of the room or maybe it’s the tint she applied carefully before leaving her house.

But you know, and she knows that such a display of sentiment comes from something a lot more cavernous and if not for her tugging you out the room while you’re still attempting to fight the decisions already made, you’d think you’re somehow intruding into a forbidden territory.

“That guy is whipped for you.” you comment, bumping your shoulder into hers with a giggle.

“No, he’s not.” Soojin denies, woven with stubborn rebuttal and a shake of her head “He’s that way with everyone.” She adds and it comes out much softer. Like a hushed conviction.

“He doesn’t even listen to Jennie the way he listens to you.” your voice grows louder in strives to prove your truth and she shushes you when you pass by a group of staff members “and she’s his actual boss!” you whisper yell.

“Shut up your uber is almost here.” She chuckles tinting the air with sparkles of affection and it brings a warm smile to your face to witness such a tale.

“Why does he call you Ivy anyway?”

“It’s my English name.”

“That’s cute. You must be special.” You wiggle your brows at her and then a sneeze interrupts your teasing, followed by her giggle as she pushes you into the backseat of the uber.

“Very cute. Now go rest and if you need anything don’t hesitate to text me.” She urges a warning in her gaze that displays her sincerity and perhaps you are a lot sicker than you thought or maybe your head hurts a lot more than when you first woke up because a very strange ache to pout and cry like a child almost takes over you.

Deep down within all the regrets and the shame you keep locked away, a strand of guilt remains there at all the times you were mean to her before. A part of you wishes you could blame your foolishness on the declining state of your health.

“Thank you.” you tell her, and you think Soojin sees through it all and you think she knows you’re about to cry so in the next moment she’s slamming the door shut and points to her ears with her index finger.

“I can’t hear you!” her voice is muffled by the glass of the window and it’s more than ample room for your chuckles to fill the car and gains you a strange look from your uber driver.

On your way home a gentle rain grazes the rooftops across the city, and the sky remains gray even when you’re inside your apartment. You change your clothes and sneak into your very comfortable warm pajamas. You sniffle as you brew your close to 50th cup of green tea this week. Silence fills every corner and despite your throbbing body you realize you’re not sure what to do if you’re not working.

You have been working for as long as you remember, have taken up part-time jobs as soon as you were conscious enough to digest the fact that money was everything. Especially in your case so you always remembered to suck it up. Even when you were sixteen waiting tables in a shitty diner and your boss had thrown inappropriate comments your way daily. You sucked it up. and sure, you have had days off and you have fallen sick before, but it’s been so long. That you feel like a stranger in your apartment when it’s light outside, when your body knows you should be working.

That, accompanied by the fact that the silence gives voice to your thoughts, for your anxiety to bloom and before you gain enough power to shut it down you have already dived into them. Your mind drifting to all the events you have been too busy to think about.

Niki.

Jake

Niki

Jake

Niki.

You rub the sides of your head with your fingers and then you’re taking your hot cup of tea into your living room. You sit on your couch with a groan at the throb persisting in your limbs. You reach for your phone and take small sips of your tea when you dial the number of your friend.

“Thick or regular?” Heeseung asks as soon as he picks up your call.

“Uh-“ you blink at the black screen of your tv “What are we talking about exactly?”

“Soy sauce.” He answers, the voice of strangers around him gives away his crowded surroundings.

“I didn’t even know there’s such thing as thick soy sauce.”

“Apparently thickness is taking over the world. That’s why bbls are a thing yn.” you snort.

“Maybe you should consider getting one.” A clear offended gasp from Heeseung cuts through and for a moment you would think you have insulted the entirety of his family tree.

“Okay I’m surrounded by soy sauce and you’re talking about how flat my ass is I’m so overwhelmed right now.” The gravity coating every word of his has you bursting out in laughter “It’s not like I’m getting backshots soon.” He adds and you choke on your laughter, your tea almost burns the skin of your thigh if you aren’t careful enough.

“I will be the one doing backshots,” you can almost hear the prideful smirk in his voice.

“Okay moving on from you and your shots.” You snort sounding somewhere between disgusted and petrified “Are you at the supermarket?” you ask, placing your cup on the table and adjusting your legs on the couch.

“Yeah. I forgot to make an order of Soy Sauce for the restaurant, so my dad is punishing me by making me go buy some.”

“You seem to be having fun so is it really a punishment?” you chuckle, leaning your head against one of the pillows and for a moment your headache subsides for a bit. Heeseung hums an agreement.

“What’s up with you? you sound like shit.” He asks after a few beats of silence.

“Thanks, I only heard that like ten times today.”

“Are you sick?”

“Probably. I’m really overwhelmed right now too.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Unalloyed concern clads his tone, and you sink into quietness for a few seconds before sighing.

“I’m honestly still really worried about Niki.” You mumble.

“What did that fucker do?” The sound of a child crying rises in the background and your head slightly pounds at the noise.

“Nothing. I’m just worried about him. I know he said he’s gonna retake his tests, but he has never failed anything in his life Hee.” You lie flat on your back and the sound of crying grows louder “Never. Even when he was in and out of hospitals so I can’t help but worry about him.” You add.

“Yeah I know – hold on-“ there’s shuffling on the other line. Heeseung’s voice grows a tad further but still coherent enough for you to hear “Hey can you stop being a little bitch?” The sound of crying abruptly stops and you blink rapidly at your ceiling with attempts to make sense of what’s going on.

“Or go fucking cry and be a little bitch in a different aisle.” He adds and then there’s an unsettling silence. It doesn’t last long, and it’s interrupted by a loud wail followed by an ear piercing “MOM!!”

“Kids these days am I right?” Heeseung says, voice clearer and tone nonchalant.

“Heeseung did you just call a kid a little bitch?”

“Yeah. Anyways back to Niki,” you open and close your mouth a handful of times, closer to speechless but then you’re shaking your heard with reminders that this is Heeseung and at this point in your lives it’s little that surprises you with him.

“Yeah anyways. I was wondering if you know anything about what's going on with him? Maybe he felt comfortable talking to you about it.”

“Not really. He’s been acting the same too.” He replies and you faintly exhale. Feeling a little defeated and lost with what to do with your worry “If you’re that worried about his grades dropping, I can talk to him about doing less shifts at the restaurant until his exams are over.” He adds with a hum, seeming a bit absentminded “I don’t know if he’ll be happy about it though.”

You try to let his words permeate your mind with inhuman effort and as you tilt your head at nothing in particular it takes you 10 seconds to comprehend what he just said. You sit up with confusion and then shock pushing you forward.

“Hold on,” you suck in a breath and your brows scrunch “What do you mean shifts? He’s been working at the restaurant?”

“Shit yeah. it’s been a while now. You didn't know?”

“What the fuck? No I didn't know. Why would you give him a job Hee? You know his body can’t handle it.” you berate, frustration woven in your tone.

“I don’t fucking know bro. he told me he needed the money, so I gave him one.”

“Did he tell you what he needed the money for? He has been selling his paintings online why would he need more money out of nowhere.” You run your hand through your hair tiredly, your body growing hot and you aren’t sure if its irritation manifesting in your veins or a fever.

“I really don’t know yn.” Heeseung sighs on the other line “But either way I’ll talk to him when he comes into work later. Don’t worry.”

“That would be good, thank you.” you reply, not worrying is an impossible task.

“Of course.”

“I’ll talk to him about everything properly once I’m over this cold or whatever it is. I don’t want him to get sick.” You say falling back onto the couch and stretching your legs. They weigh heavy and your heart feels heavier in your chest.

“Yeah, you better rest for now. I’ll talk to you later and text me if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

As soon as you hang up, your anxiety seems to have doubled, Like ghosts swarming by your feet and slowly it feels like they’re taking over every cell of your essence. A strand of penitence comes to life in the midst of it all and you can’t help but wonder if perhaps were negligent of Niki due to how messy your life has been these past few months. Did you not pay enough attention to his struggles? How long has it been and when did he ever need anything and didn’t feel comfortable to tell you? Was there a stretching distance between you that you hadn’t noticed?

The thought is terrifying to you, it shakes you from within and when you check the time on your phone, it feels like it hasn’t moved ever since you stepped foot into your apartment. You close your eyes with a shuddered breath

Somewhere along the worries plaguing your mind like permanently sharpened needles and your hands digging for solution you manage to doze off on your couch. Curled with your knees held to your chest and wrapped with your arms. You aren’t sure how long you slept. It’s long enough for the rain to subside and short enough for the gray clouds to remain. The sky, mystified by the lack of light and night, is yet to unfurl.

The only reason that’s strong enough to pull you out of your sleep is the sound of your doorbell reverberating through your walls. And at first you think it’s a part of your dream but you’re picking apples and they’re crispy red and shiny but there’s a dying fish by your feet and who the fuck is at your door?

You open your eyes with a croaky groan. Your head pounds with an even worse migraine and your stomach is clenching in excruciating building nausea. You sit up and if you thought you felt awful earlier then it’s nothing compared to this. Like every bone in your body is aching and your fingers itch with an urge like sneaking through your flesh and squeezing tight.

Your doorbell rings again and this time it’s repeated, wrapped in evident panic at the lack of response from you and you finally decide to move. Shuffling to your door and maybe you are still in a hazy dream because as soon as you open your door Jake is standing there. Yet, it is the genuine worry etched in his eyes that has you blinking into reality. His hair is undone, falling over his eyes naturally and his skin glimmers just the same. He looks like he just showered, and you almost don’t recognize him in his plain white sweatshirt topped with a brown jacket and jeans.

You eye him scrutinizingly, taking note of the two plastic bags he’s carrying.

“Jake? What are you doing here?” your voice is shattered, tinted by the remnant of your sleep and then confusion.

“Yn.” he exhales as if he’s relieved, he’s not stumbling upon your corpse and instead you’re alive “Jay told me you were sick and I was gonna send you some stuff but uh – “ he speaks hastily, hand scratching at the back of his neck and eyes fleeing from you and his words almost as scattered as your thoughts and perhaps that’s why it feels like you don’t understand anything he’s saying. His gaze finds you and he clear his throat. Almost like he falters at your silence.

You must be really sick or still dreaming.

“Anyways are you okay?” He asks hastily yet gently, and he remains gentle in the way his voice infiltrates your being, benign in the way he looks at you as his gaze darts over your figure and then they linger on the discomfort painting your features. It has his own brows furrowing deeper with growing concern.

He tells himself he shouldn’t be this panicked – this nervous. Shouldn’t let it show so obviously, clearer than the gray skies. Albeit he had practiced every word he wanted to say to you, all the excuses he was ready to spill upon finding his way to your home. Uninvited and perhaps unwelcome. For fuck’s sake he thinks he bought the entirety of the small convince store close to your apartment building and there’s embarrassment brewing in his blood, his excuses withering at the tip of his tongue the deeper your discomfort seep into your face.

And no words of his permeates your mind strong enough and instead all you could think about is your head is pounding, and you need to sit down or bash it against the wall. It’s solely why you don’t say anything back and instead turn around in search of relief.

“Yn.” Jake calls with scattered disconcertment as he follows you inside, the plastic bags are a hassle, and he curses himself yet remembers to close the door behind him and his voice echoes through your mind and your living the room when he calls again “Bunny.”

You sit down on your previous spot on your couch, the room is darkened by your blinds and when you bury your head in the palms of your hands it’s not quick enough for you to not witness Jake kneeling in front of you with no hesitation, his bags abandoned on the floor as if he hadn’t spent wasting minutes on deciding what to get, what’s best for you. he doesn’t touch you and his hand hovers awkwardly above your back and yet you swear you could feel its heat as if he is touching you.

“Bunny what’s wrong? Are you dizzy?” his voice betrays an unsubdued concern almost frantic, and you deny his question with a shake of your head.

“Can you talk to me? I wanna be able to help you okay?” He gently coaxes and you keep quiet because you could still sense his hand hovering, and you wonder why can’t his hand be as gentle “Can you tell me what you’re feeling? Mhm?” he suggests once again.

“My head hurts so bad.” You whimper and it feels so silly, the urge percolating into you to cry. It’s the type of pain that makes you wish you could peel your skin off. Abandon your skull somewhere.

“Okay.” He stands up and you peer up at him through your palms and he’s looking around as if he’s trying to decide what he should do next. Evidently nervous as he runs his hand through his hair “Painkillers. I’ll get you some painkillers.” And then he’s walking towards one of the bags he was carrying, digging through them with seemingly no avail as he curses under his breath.

“Fucking hell how did I forget to buy painkillers?” He berates himself, digging into the second bag only to end with failure. “Do you have any painkillers?” He asks looking up at you and the sight of you on your couch huddled up in pain even if it’s something as minor as a mere headache sends the same ache dripping from your fingertips and nestling its way right to the middle of his chest, digging and digging.

He doesn’t wait for your answer and seconds pass by and then you hear him rummaging through the cabinets of your kitchen. His search doesn’t last long thanks to the painkillers you had left on the counter this morning with complementation. You feel his presence and there’s a glass of water in his hand.

“This will make you feel better. Come on bunny.”

He’s standing in front of you again and weirdly enough the way he speaks as if the autumn sunlight is in his voice rather than the cruel winter outside makes you feel vulnerable and when he offers comfort in the palm of his hand, places the glass of water on the table you could only manage to shake your head once again with denial.

“I’m really nauseous and I don’t feel like I could take anything right now without throwing up.” You complain with a snivel and your tone breaks as if you’re about to shed tears and Jake feels it hit him in the pit of his stomach. It’s uncomfortable and unjust because despite how scratched and heavy his heart is your pain still manages to nip at him in different places. As if there’s no way for him not to feel you.

You leer at him and your eyes are misty, you see his hands clench then unclench by his sides and you imagine he’s fighting against restraints to not touch you. His teeth sink into his bottom lips, his fingers dig crescents into the tender skin of his palm. And you wonder how a feeling as tender manages to suffuse within you. You wonder how your mind finds room amidst the pain to fantasize about him when he is right in front of you.

But then Jake is kneeling right by your knees once again and your eyes widen only slightly when he replaces your hands with his. Pressing his thumbs into your temples.

“What are you doing?”

“Shh. Doing this helps me with my headaches sometimes.” He explains and you shut your eyes when he applies light pressure with his fingers. And yet you are overly aware of how wavering you persist to be.

You’re unsure if you’re dizzy because your body is catching up to how weary you feel or because he’s suddenly so close. Close enough to feel his breath hit your face, the pads of his fingers are rough and yet contrastingly warm and it’s been so long since he touched you.

“Is there anything else that’s hurting you?” He asks – whispers delicately - after a few moments of silence with only the sound of your intermingled breaths.

“My body hurts too.” You reply – whisper back just as delicately - and you can’t fight against the small pout jutting your bottom lip out. You think if you were in the right state of mind, you’d be cringing at how dramatic you’re acting.

“Thankfully you don’t seem to be having a fever.” The swipes of his thumbs circle your skin soothingly “You’ll be okay.” He reassures, applying harder pressure every now and then. For a fleeting moment you aren’t sure if he’s trying to comfort you or himself.

“I have you.” it’s a faint whisper. Barely inaudible and for a different fleeting moment it feels like a lie your sick mind had conjured up to feed your thirsting heart. The same fragile heart that pulsates against your ribcage and you don’t want it to be a lie or a heedless imagination.

“Do you promise?” you childishly ask, and Jake lets out a breathy chuckle that tickles your face. You open your eyes, and they prance around his. The chuckle that has melted onto a small smile slowly disappears from his face and you don’t know what kind of expression you’re wearing, what kind of mask you should be hiding behind.

“I promise.” He replies and you sigh because you don’t know if he means that you’ll be okay or that he’s got you, but you hold onto the latter. With clutches roughened by the selfishness of your own longing and shut your eyes with silly covets like not unveiling it.

It’s only when enough time has passed for your body to relax. No longer tense shoulders and shuddered breaths. Instead, the tranquil silence that has settled right between you two settles in the depths of your chest just the same as Jake speaks;

“Better?” He asks.

“Mhm.”

“Do you think you could try taking the painkiller now?”

“Yeah.” you clear your throat, pushing your eyes to open when his hands abandon your skin, and you wish you lied.

Even for a bit longer as he hands you the pills, he had picked up earlier followed by water that you chug diligently and it’s only when your glass is empty that you exhale. Wiping at the corner of your mouth at the few straying drops. He eyes you tentatively when you look up at him.

“Sorry.”

“For what?” His eyebrows furrow in clear confusion.

“For troubling you. Being a burden. I don’t know.” you slightly wince, eyes shifting somewhere else before catching his yet again and he abides unremitting.

“You’re not a burden bunny.” You can sense there’s more that linger at the tip of his tongue, and you wait “I’m here because I was worried about you.” he finishes and your cheeks splash with pink evoked to steal his attention by your pale face.

“Does your body still hurt?” He asks when you’re quiet for far too long, with running gazes and nerves colored hands and pretends he didn’t feel his face burning up at his confession.

“A bit.” You answer, scratching at your wrist and clearing your throat “Can you hand me my laptop, please?” you ask, pointing somewhere behind him and he raises a displeased eyebrow at you.

“For what?”

“There’s a couple of stuff I need to get done.”

“Like what? What’s so important that you need to do now?”

“Bills. Rent is due soon and there’s Yeonjun’s car fees. I was gonna do them earlier but I ended up falling asleep.” You explain, rubbing your forehead warily and the space between his brows deepen with confusion.

“Car fees?” he questions and you nod as if he’s supposed to understand “yeah I need to pay him. I need my laptop.” You move to stand up and your head is spinning a bit but you don’t get to make it far before his hands are on your shoulders pushing you to sit back down and then Jake is on his knees again, chasing after your eyes with a tilt of his head.

You wish he wouldn’t kneel so easily, as if he won’t swallow your heart up and flee.

“Are they urgent?” He asks tenderly and your chest tightens as if there isn’t enough room for your breaths to leave.

“No but I have to do them right now.” You insist with a shaky voice when his hands cradle your face with loving forbearance, one that has you feeling languid.

“Shh, you don’t need to do anything right now, okay?” he reassures as if you were panicked and perhaps you were, you aren’t sure if it’s because of your lack of work or simply because Jake is in the same space as you and you aren’t sure how to act without vomiting words lodged at the back of your throat.

I've missed you so much that I've been naming the stars in the sky after you.

“You’re on sick leave for a reason. Your body needs rest.” His thumb swipes at your cheek and his face is within centimeters of yours “You can do all of these things tomorrow or whenever you feel better, okay?” you let a shuddered breath out and for a second it feels like looking away from him is unobtainable, not when his gaze glints with golden specks, ones that feels like they are reserved for you.

“Okay.” You whisper back, overtaken by defeat and perhaps you never stood a chance.

“Good.” He grins, overtaken by triumphant.

Strands of his black hair fall over his face, and you don’t think you have ever felt this much envy towards anything aside from a human being. Your fingers itch on your lap with temptation to push it out of the way yet you hold yourself back, despite the lure entangled in every move he makes. You are too aware of the distance, too aware of the space you shouldn’t cross, and you will enough power not to slip again.

You fall into silence with purpose, mainly because you feel like a cuddled child and yet you have this growing fear inside of you. It slithers its path to your flickering glances, right into the skin of his palms as he strokes your cheeks. You’re so awfully scared of splitting yourself open, baring your insides and submitting your soul to disaster.

“How about I run you a bath?” He suggests with a slight hum, and you shake your head when his hands trail to your knees.

“No.”

“Why not? It will help you feel better.”

“I don’t really wanna move right now.” As if to prove your point you lie down on the couch, your hair spread like a halo around you and although the room is enveloped in darkness, and everything falls into one color he swears he could almost see the sunrays infiltrating through your strands. its warmth travels to him and he almost want to spread his arms wide open to welcome it.

And perhaps it is enough force to coaxes his smile to rise – his eyes sink into excruciating benevolence and there you are stumbling yet again. Unable to look away from him, not when he’s everything you wish to behold. It pushes you into folding your desire into itself. Tucking it into the space none of you dare to take.

“Weren’t you just fine moving a second ago to get your laptop?”

“That’s different.” You argue with a shrug, making no attempts to further strengthen your point.

“It will be warm, and it will help with soothing the ache in your body.” He says, try to persuade you with a hum and the air tastes fragile, enticing you with an ache to bury your face in the middle of his chest and sing a melody of your name into it, tattoo your name into the canvas of his soul, or maybe it’s you.

“My ache is fine actually, thank you.”

“Oh yeah? is that why your legs are shaking?” he arches a brow at you, smile tilting upwards as if they’re claiming to reach for the stars and you look down at your body, haven’t realized the slight tremble wrecking through it.

“That’s because I’m cold.”

Wordlessly he shrugs off his brown jacket and places it over your lower body, covering your legs and it provides little to no warmth but the scent of laundry detergent engulfs your being. It waters your fervent longing back to the surface. Drowning you in it and you wish to drown in everything that makes up Jake. You didn’t know you could miss someone when they’re right in front of you and you didn’t quite grasp how hard it is to shake the hallucinating thoughts of him – where touching him isn’t forbidden and looking at him comes easily – without threats for your words to spill.

“What about you?” you mumble, pointing at his thin , almost see through sweatshirt.

“I can handle the cold just fine.” He retorts “You know what would help you warm up though? A bath.”

“I’m gonna feel cold as I undress to get into the bathtub.”

“I’ll make it really warm to make up for the few minutes of coldness you’re gonna feel.” He counteracts with a chuckle emerging from his lips and landing right in the middle of your heart. You’re quiet, as if you’re contemplating his words and he thinks he won as your eyes flit elsewhere – he misses you.

“What if the water is too hot it burns my skin?” you ask, softly and yet seriously enough for him to feel the same feeling welling in the pit of his stomach again – as if a flower is fighting its way to bloom through cracks of sorrow and he isn’t sure how to deal with it.

The sunrays, the flowers and the sorrow. He won.

“I’ll make sure nothing like that happens to you.” he replies, just as softly as tender as gingerly. And it’s unfair because you feel your heart palpitate at his mere existence and you already know he won the minute he stepped foot in here.

“How about this,” he straightens, pushes his hair away from his face and you’re envious at his hands and grateful all at once for granting you a clearer glimpse to his features “I’ll go run the bath. Make sure everything is perfect for you and then if you still feel like you don’t want to go in, you don’t have to, okay?”

You don’t think you’re brave enough to accept his kindness as it is. You will always manage to find different facets of it. Dress it in the intensity of affection and stare at his smile as if spilled lullabies are woven to call for their home – within your soul.

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

He shushes you and when he stands up, his hand lingers above your head. His own urges – hankerings to brush through your hair betray themselves in the flicker of light in his gaze so you cowardly look away because you’re scared of betraying your burning heart in yours. Scared of being rejected and falling between the walls of whys.

“I’ll be back.” He whispers, flown away and you could still smell the rain on your skin.

Your house – a small apartment is the complete opposite of his. He never was into the intricacies of home décor. Hence why the space of his home remains plain and simple. His own touches of life lacking and the only thing close to boisterous are his forget me nots and the painting that somehow managed to lead back to you.

You, however, stay lively with scattered hanged pictures of Japan across the walls. And your dessert shaped candles, your bathroom smells like Sakura petals, and you manage to inject your love into everything you surround. He thinks he likes it here.

He’s gone for two minutes only; the bath is half full when you peak your head through the door of your own bathroom. Your hair is disheveled, and his jacket is now around your shoulders.

“Changed your mind?” He asks with a grin that churrs your insides.

“The thought of a bath didn’t seem so bad after all.” You answer as you step inside. You take a seat on the closed toilet seat and watch as Jake reads the back label of your pink bubble bath soap, his nose scrunches a little too adorably as if he is displeased of what it contains. Your heart warms at the sight and he still pours a generous amount of it into the tub, filling it with bubbles and then he follows it with your bodywash.

The scent of vanilla overtakes the Sakura.

“This smells just like you.”

“It is my bodywash after all.”

“I like it.” He says, eyes drifting to the water as he tests the temperate with his hands. How I smell or merely the scent? you want to ask but you don’t.

When the water is warm and full. He trudges towards you, his cheeks are slightly pink due to the heat and there’s a soft smile dispersing across his lips with coated fondness. It steals your breath away when he’s leaning down and taking off your socks for you. You slightly flinch with a bout of embarrassment.

“Y-You don’t have to do this Jake.” You fumble diffidently, with your words and your racing heart.

“I know.” He looks up at you “I want to. Am I making you uncomfortable?” He questions throwing your socks to the side. You’re left to wonder how you are supposed to accept his integrity, his attentiveness, the unfair ability to have you wavering on this warmth of his.

“No.” you admit, with a rattled breath and perhaps the tilt of his lips is worth it.

“Can I?” He still asks when his hands reach for the buttons of your pajama top, you shrug his jacket off and nod with a burning face.

Silence rushes in unwelcomed, and your keep your gaze downcast. watch as his fingers seemingly slower than you wish unbutton every single one. Your heart picks up speed with each one and breathing grows harder when your eyes dart towards his and yet still vacillating. Because it is not lust that fetters the air but rather something that feels much more intimate. Like exchanging words between your gazes that your tongue will not be able to match.

And it stays even when you’re finally in the bathtub. Encircled by a familiar scent, warmth and Jake at the edge of your tub. The water is as pleasant as he promised, and your body relaxes.

“Just call for me if you need anything, alright?”

Suddenly you’re inundated with a colossal amount of disappointment at being left alone. Your eyes shifting, fingers picking at the surface of your tub.

“Alright, bunny?” He asks again and maybe it is your tiresome tinting all logical thinking that you should have but then you’re shaking your head, kicking your pride to the side.

“What if I need something but I can’t call for you?” stupid, stupid yearning.

Jake looks perplexed for a few seconds, but his expression is softened by a fond smile. He had broken hearts before – not intentionally. And he never was the man to listen to others strives to grasp for his affectionate. And yet in this moment, he’d rather have you break his heart than refuse what your eyes are seeking.

“I’ll just stay then.” He tells you, tender and you’re shy. Cheeks glowing pink and he feels his fondness for you trickle into his blood and it bumps faster, rougher through his veins when you catch his gaze.

You lean back into the tub with your lips slightly tilting, pushing the entirety of your hair to the side. The ends swim alongside you and stray rivulets of water slips down your neck. Catching his gaze as it lingers for a minute too long on the necklace that’s always there.

It's just you, unadulterated with the weather outside and draped with effulgence as he always knew you to be. And it’s him, without the echoes of all his doubtful battles. Perhaps he managed to empty his mind in the water and your necklace – his – remains around your neck even when you’re bare. It’s like you’re wearing him, and he likes to think he’s woven into the fabric of your soul.

He looks away for a spilt second, a puff of a chuckle forces its way past his lips.

“What?” you ask, tilting your head to the side with a growing smile and God – you’re breathtaking.

“I just had a stupid thought.” He shakes his head, and the water slightly splashes when you move closer to him.

“Tell me.” you say, and he thinks you’re too tangled in his soul.

“It just feels like it’s been a while since we looked at each other.” He says softly “But we see each other every day so it’s stupid.” He continues and recognition fills your eyes like you know exactly what he means.

“It’s not stupid.” you reply, and you are too tangled in his soul “I have actual stupid thoughts all the time. And you know it.”

“They’re extraordinary, I wouldn’t call them stupid.”

“That’s just a nicer way of saying I’m stupid.” You retort with a playful snort; your smile remains soft.

“Shut up you’re not stupid.” He insists and a comparable softness traverse in his irises and it pushes you right into quietness.

You never were one for silence. Because silence is uncomfortable and it’s vast with its weight. It vocalizes everything you’ve been trying to evade all day, perhaps all week or maybe it’s been long enough to be called months. However, right now it doesn’t feel like that. It’s akin to placid waters, your reflection comes back crystalline clear rather than distorted.

“You’re the last person I expected it to see today if I’m being honest.” You speak after stretching minutes of none of you saying anything, fingers drawing star shapes into the water and his eyes watch you with faithful attention.

“What would have you done if I wasn’t here?” He doesn’t ask why, and you wonder if he knows or is merely uninterested.

“Probably become one with my couch until I felt better.” You shrug and he shakes his head with a tsk of disapproval. For an odd reason a knot forms in your stomach, impossibly tight and the skin of your neck ignites in flame. You tell yourself you’re growing too hot and that’s it.

“I wish you took care of yourself the way you take care of others.” He says, candor embraces every syllable with ease. A similar knot forms in the middle of your tongue. Deeming it useless. There is no peace in confessing that you aren’t sure how to do that. Not when you have spent a lifetime with amiability directed at anyone but yourself.

“I don’t think I know how to do that.” There’s no peace in confessing yet you still do it. Perhaps you were tired of trying to light a matchstick that refuses to obey, his eyes mellow down into nothing but adoration.

Was there a point in trying to save someone that refuses to be saved?

But Jake hasn’t been acting like himself. Following his impulses blindly, it’s evoked by the callings of his heart, yearning to be near so he showed up to your door like there’s room for him. He touched you like he wasn’t made from poison and he can scour through every rational thought but they’re all adjudged futile against the softness that is you.

“I’m here now.” He says, I’m here to take care of you, you hear.

The enormity of his desire disgusts him, it’s a craving beyond his flesh and it’s unjust. I’ll shape myself into something that’s worth taking care of you, he means.

“You have been working hard, your body is probably upset with you.” He adds when you’re quiet, eyes darting over your dubious figure and he thinks your cheeks have drained the colors from the world, they’re pink and the sky is gray.

He’s unworthy but it’s a great honor to think he’s the reason why.

“Tell that to my boss.” You joke and Jake narrows his eyes at you.

“I actually heard your boss is super nice,”

“Did you now?”

“Uh huh, super nice and handsome too. Ripped body. Killer smile. I could go on forever. Really.” He trails, lowering his fingers one by one and you roll your eyes with a forced giggle tumbling out your lips, one that you cannot seem to be able to hold back.

“Who’s feeding you these lies? Jay?”

“So, you don’t agree that I’m handsome?”

“Beauty is subjective.”

“Is that a no?” a look of faux offense clambers over his face and your giggle uprears in volume, grows further from fatigue and closer to how you usually sound. You pretend to zip your mouth shut, raising palms in surrender as if you can’t help it.

A deeper umbrage takes claim on his face, and he attempts to splash water at you, you turn your head with a laugh, and he sees Sakura petals bloom across your face, they come from within, watered by you.

“In all seriousness,” he itches closer to you. and your smile melts off your face at the sudden propinquity it has your body engulfed in heat that isn’t provided by the bath. His fingers trail underwater, and when his eyes catch yours, they’re soaked with softness and your reflection is so clear. when his fingers graze yours, they fail to intertwine, and your heart is beating so fast you feel like you could throw It up.

“You’re doing a good job, bunny.” Your eyes soften as marginally, you bring your knees up to your chest. Attempts to hide the joy that overtakes your sentiment – the warmth that caresses your heart. You allow yourself to bask in it and a faint voice whispers in your heart;

You have managed to stumble on a lost star – he shines so brightly and burns just as bright. And he calls for you in a sea of flesh.

“You’re doing a good job too, Jake.” He smiles and your mind careens.

“Tell that to my assistant.”

This time it’s you who splashes him with water and this time it’s him who laughs like the world shrinks into nothing but you and him in the middle of your small bathroom. And you smile like your heart has never known pain, but you don’t tell him that you didn’t let the water get to him on purpose, and you don’t show him that love writes itself in the corners of your face.

“Shall I help you wash your hair?” He asks when his laughter had died down and the glint in his eyes shines brighter.

“You don’t have to.”

At your answer he’s already getting up, hands reaching for your bottle of shampoo. When he’s behind you, hands entangled in your hair. You bury your face in your knees with a profound urge to weep taking over your sensitive heart. It’s foolishly emerging from the fog of your confusion at the reminder that you don’t remember the last time someone cared for you this deeply, this tenderly. And there’s unavoidable loneliness at the thought, there’s melancholy in the feeling, knowing that this tenderness is temporary.

No matter how selfishly you hope for it to last. Your mind is a battlefield, haunted by touches of love. Stories upon stories stitched together by great ardor. You have seen it all around you, in movies, written in pages of a novel and in ending relationships your friends had gone through – none of them are yours.

“Bunny I can’t wash your hair if you’re leaning that far off.” Jake comments with a chuckle.

You keep quiet, too embarrassed to cry over something as inevitable as Jake leaving. Too ashamed of the covetous ache brimming in your blood. You have tried to discard it, but you aren’t sure how are you supposed to drain your blood without kneeling into death.

Jake follows your silence. Maybe he thinks you’re stubbornly childish, maybe he thinks you’re teasing him or maybe he sees it through it all and your weakness is unabashed and it’s a glaring red siren coaxing him into the complexity of your essence. You don’t see him, but you feel him moving behind you, the sound of a lid uncapping and then his hands are on your back with lathered soup, vanilla fills the empty spaces of silence.

His hands aren’t soft against your skin, they’re rough, washed raw and dry. You could almost distinguish every scar that embellishes them, the healing ones, old ones you haven’t been there to witness taint his skin. His sadness – unrelenting guilt is unabashed, and you never knew such callous hands could be this gentle.

It’s another stupid thought – but maybe there’s room for something to belong to you.

When the sun sets outside. The lights in your hallway stay the same. While Jake takes an alarmingly long time to wash his hands. Long enough for enervation to sink deeper into your bones, it drains the color from your face. and it transpires itself into imaginary leg cuffs around your ankles making your movement closer to a harder task than breathing.

You somehow feel even more tired, dragged further down the hole of sickness.

“You okay?” He asks when he finds you in your bedroom, sitting on your velvet vanity chair and clothed in your robe. Your hair is slightly damp and the colors of the sun leaving seeps in through the openings of your curtains.

“Just a little tired.” You answer, throwing a glance at his direction and it leaves him wondering – perhaps for days – how you manage to look like you stepped out of the painting of his dreams.

In his dreams, his heart isn’t as filthy and merging into you isn’t as fearful.

In reality, he clears his throat and steps into your room, inhales your perfume and envelopes his filthy heart with faux courage.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Mhm.” You lean your head back onto his chest when he’s standing behind you. He conceals his surprise with immense force, not fast enough for the betrayal of his slightly widened eyes. cinnamon and vanilla overtake his senses, your face is doused in exhaustion and his mind is fuzzy.

“Not yet.” He inhales you.

“We’ll need to get some food in your system, yeah?” He whispers and you hum, eyes falling shut when he tentatively brushes his fingers through your hair “We’ll also need to do something about your hair – can’t have you getting sicker.”

“I don’t feel like doing anything.” You faintly complain, a small pout adorning your lips when you look up at him, the sunset glimmers in your eyes and reality pales in comparison.

“I’ll do it for you.” He replies with an amused grin at the way you’re acting. It gives room for the moon to rise.

You aren’t sure what he means by that – however a long sigh caged in your chest escapes when he starts brushing your hair. He’s extremely gentle, fingers coated in delicacy that you don’t even provide for your own hair. And there’s a peculiar domesticity painting the air. As if this was how everything was meant to unfold. For you to eventually end up here and for him to be behind you through it all.

“I never thought that the Jake Sim would be good at braiding hair.” You comment lightly when he starts sectioning your hair, he catches your eyes in the mirror.

“My mum taught me.” he mumbles, eyes returning to his work and seeming completely focused on your hair “I used to braid her hair for her all the time.”

“That’s really sweet.” You reply with a lowered tone – a hushed softness and Jake is quiet for a few moments. You think his words die here but then he speaks again.

“I vividly remember how each time the braid grew smaller and smaller because she kept losing so much hair.” His words flow as easy as autumn breeze, bittered by the winter as if the image is still fresh in his head. Rather than a distant memory. It’s an image that still glides throughout his reality.

“She always joked that it’s better this way. That it’s easier for me to braid.” He chuckles but it lacks life, joy, and his eyes deepen with distant – longing and your heart tightens, brows slightly furrowing at his undeniable grief.

I’m sorry. Lingers at the tip of your tongue but you’re well aware that’s not the kind of words that will bring him peace. It won’t ease his pain or lessen the depth of his sadness – anger. You’re well aware not to act upon the urges clashing inside of you. truthfully you want to know everything about him. The thoughts that invade his mind at night, in the mornings and right now when he’s dozing off with pieces of you in between his fingers.

What is he like when his anger isn’t restrained – what is he like when he’s not bottling everything up and what would it be like to peek into his sorrowful river. You don’t give room for yourself to decipher the cause of this urge. You know it’s not trivial curiosity, but rather the desire to peer into the corners of his souls. Like a book you wish to read, your fingers itching. Yet you manage to hold yourself back. You smile and night has painted the sky.

“She sounds like a lively woman.”

“She is.” He says absentmindedly while his hands braid the ends of your hair “She was.” He corrects in a fleeting second “She was the type of person to find happiness even on the darkest and gloomiest days.”

Jake’s lament displays itself in the floods of his existence with no shame. There’s softness twined in his gaze; one that appears naturally at the mention of a person he holds so dearly to his heart, yet the bitterness abides part of it all. It’s a wound that had yet to stop aching in pain, to stop bleeding. He doesn’t know why he tells you all this and doesn’t know how the words slipped out of his mouth but his eyes stumble upon yours there’s not a single cell of regret in his body.

You don’t look at him with pity nor sympathy. Jake had showed off his scars to you and you still look at him like it’s just – him. Not his shame, or grief. His existence had always felt like a garden of black and red agonies. Had seen it tickle down his cheeks with rivulets of his sorrow, witnessed the blood seep out his fingers and drench the ground with every step he takes. But you’re there, in the midst of it all and you’re not looking at him with disdain. Instead, you flourish with ease, as if he isn’t made of prickling thorns.

“I’m sure she’s still watching over you, proudly.” You tell him with a fragile smile, and it shouldn’t shake his soul the way it does. He looks away with a slight tremble in his hand. A labored breath and he can’t say anything back to you. You don’t look at him as shame or grief and he can’t let you look at him as his regret, his guilt.

Jake is made up of a garden tainted with black and red agonies – his remorse remains a master of it all. He doesn’t find enough courage to come face to face with the fact that it’s not that. That if his mother knew, if you knew how he lived his life. Glory has no place to exist. So, instead he grins and ties your hair for you.

“All done.”

“Wow! it’s really well done actually.” You say, bringing your hair to the front and staring at it, between your hands. A pang of ache nestles its way into his stomach and it’s peculiar to feel like you’re holding a piece of him so delicately.

“it’s just one of my many talents.” He quips and you giggle slightly.

You keep your eyes glued to your hair and he senses something shifting in your eyes and your lips cast downwards faster than he’d like. He senses a realization in you unfold as your brows start to furrow.

“My mom,” you speak suddenly and then you’re looking at him, a smile doused in sorrow similar to his is on your face “my mom never really taught me anything.” You murmur like a confession pulled from the depths of your soul. For a moment he thinks he sees your scars too, they’re raw and have yet to stop bleeding, he thinks he tastes your heartache on your tongue.

It’s bitter and doesn’t belong in you.

“You still turned out wonderful.” He says, every word, tone is inundated with sincerity and your eyes flit to his with purpose to steal his heart. They glimmer and he wonders how envious the moon must be – he wonders if there’s room for him to linger around.

“You don’t have to be nice to me just because I’m sick.” You joke lightly, you ended up baring your insides after all.

“Have I ever lied to you?” He whispers, not colored with amuse like you had hoped.

“No.” you answer, and you think you can’t slip when you have already fallen, and he smiles like he knows he won.

You realize it then – how scary intimacy truly is. Not the one evoked by lust and hunger but this one. The one that saturates the air with vulnerability. Baring your soul with its ugly scratches, your hideous mistakes while blind to everything that’s coming your way.

And he realizes it then – that there’s so much of you he has yet to unveil, he sees parts of you everywhere, in the love you spill into everything you do. And in your so ever called hope. Jake was never optimistic. Life hadn’t given him the privilege to be and somewhere in the darkened nights in his garden he lost the ability to believe in such an intangible thing as hope. So, he wonders why he wishes for your hope to never wither away. He feels this immense urge to peer into your soul, look through the pages of your book.

You open your mouth to say something and the hairs on his body rise in anticipation to listen with devotion. It’s an odd feeling to thirst for someone like this. Not for their body to touch yours or unload accumulated stress through them but rather to intertwine with him, crave for your hand to mesh into them. How selfish it is, to crave someone this bad, as if he has any right to call you his.

Your phone dings multiple times on your vanity, seemingly with messages and your mouth closes, eyes averting and his anticipation is stripped away, overtaken by disappointment at your fleeting attention.

“Sorry,” you mumble, picking up your phone and going through the notifications. Your brows slightly furrow, and he grows hatred for your phone.

“Is everything okay?” he asks at your lingering worry.

“Yeah um,” your fingers move across your screen as you type to a response to whatever stole your gazes from him “Niki is here?” you add and it comes out more as a question colored with bewilderment.

“Did you know he was coming?”

“No,” you lock your phone and stand up “I told him to come up. He wants to talk to me about something.” You explain further, heading towards your closet in search of clothes to wear. You pull a plain thick sweater over your head, hands reaching for a pair of shorts closest to your hand.

The sound of your door unlocking has Jake’s eyes slightly widening at the speed of your brother. Did he fucking teleport to your floor or what?

“Anyways it probably won’t be long so just stay here.” You add and he cocks a brow at your choice of clothing .

“Are you seriously wearing that?” he asks eyes trailing over your figure.

“Yeah, why?”

“You have been complaining about being cold all day and now you’re wearing shorts? Do you want to die?” you blink at him slowly “Change. Wear something warm.” He adds crossing his arms and tone stern unlike how he has been talking to you gently earlier, it’s slightly amusing and it has your lips twitching upwards.

“Yes boss.” You joke heading for your closet again and he rolls his eye and then your back faces him and you fail to see his smile, it’s adorned with affection.

After changing into thicker pajama pants and gaining a nod of approval from Jake, you make it out to your living room. Niki is on your couch and upon hearing the sound of your steps his eyes shift from the plastic bags on the floor to you. irritation paints his face quickly and you sigh warily.

“What the fuck yn?”

To be continued....

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mymoodwriting · 3 days ago

Text

Royal Blood

Female!Reader x Alpha!Seonghwa

Genre: A/B/O, Royalty

Warning: Solitude, Anxiety, Late Nights, Sleep Deprivation, Promises, Manipulation, Star-Gazing, Spacing Out, Swords, Death Threats

Words: 5.9K

Chapter Three

(Prev//Next) (@starillusion13 @yizhou-time @hannahdinse8)

Prompt: You were a princess in name alone. Unable to perform any of the duties that come with the title. It seemed to be your destiny to live a quiet life. That is until you met someone who refused to see you silenced. Perhaps your fate was wrong all along.

“I’ve never been given flowers before…”

You couldn’t help but stare longingly at the flowers Seonghwa gave you. In the morning you looked around for a vase, getting some water and setting up the flowers by your window. You made sure they were soaking up the sun, watching them with a smile on your face. Although despite the joy they brought you they did also make you worry. These flowers weren’t ones you grew yourself, so surely someone would question where they came from. You weren’t sure what kind of excuse you’d give, or what would be believable. Then again you made yourself anxious for no reason.

When your ladies or eunuch came by they merely did their duties. You tried to hide your flowers, but it made no difference. As far as you knew they didn’t even notice them. To a degree it made you sad the flowers weren’t important enough to be noticed, but at the same time it should have been expected. You lived such a quiet life, the little things never stood out. At least you didn’t have to worry about hiding them and could admire them all the time. What you were really nervous about was Seonghwa. He said he would visit you again, and you excitedly waited for that time. The first two nights after his visit you didn’t expect him, but on the third you stayed up late.

You’d sit at your window, enjoying the night breeze and carefully tending to your gifted flowers. You’ve been doing your best to take care of them and make them last. It was easy to pass the time as you stared up at the stars, even starting to doze off. At some point you fell asleep, startled awake when you hit your head on the window sill. It was still dark out, but the moon was no longer up in the sky. The sun would be peeking over the horizon soon enough. It seemed that Seonghwa couldn’t make a visit tonight, but you weren’t upset. He was a busy person so perhaps tomorrow. You shut your window and went to bed. Of course you were tired by the time the sun rose, but you didn’t mind and just pushed through.

No one was around so there was no issue with taking a nap during the day. After all, that next night you stayed up again, waiting for your secret visitor, but no one came to see you. It did hurt, but you really couldn’t get your hopes up too much. Seonghwa surely had a lot of new responsibilities that kept him occupied, and a late night visit meant sacrificing his sleep. You napped during the day once more, and wondered if you should stay up late again or not. Ultimately you decided to sleep. He’d surely come visit you eventually, so you just had to wait. What really hurt your heart was the fact the flowers he brought you were wilting. The little reminder of him that you had was fading away.

“Princess… pst… y/n… are you awake…?”

“Hm…”

You groaned and slowly opened your eyes, looking around your room. Eventually your gaze turned towards your window, seeing a blurry figure waving. You didn’t need clear vision to know who was there, a smile appearing on your lips. You crawled over to your window, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Hello, I’m sorry I had to wake you, but I really wanted to see you.”

“Hm… it’s nice to see you too.”

“Did you miss me?”

“I’ve been waiting…”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Seonghwa chuckled. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re busy.”

“I don’t wanna be too busy to see you.”

“Then tell me about your days. I wanna know what a scholar does around the palace.”

“It’s very boring stuff.”

“I’m confined to my quarters all day. Anything outside these walls is interesting to me.”

“Very well.”

Seonghwa indulged your request and told you how he spent his days. He admitted he wanted to see you sooner, but his father swamped him with work. Once he was done with lectures he had tasks and different assignments to complete. He had to get through those first before he could even have a moment to himself. As tiresome as they were, they did take him all over the palace and gave him a chance to introduce himself to other officials.

“It sounds like you’ve seen more of the palace in the few days you’ve been here than I have my whole life.”

“That’s hardly fair.”

“You forget I’m also a lady. I doubt I have any business in many of the places you’ve been.”

“Still, this is your home.”

“It doesn’t feel like it… then again, I don’t think I know what a home feels like…”

“We’ll work on that.”

Seonghwa reached over to gently pet your head, continuing on as he told you about the things he did. You eagerly listened, loving the stories, but eventually Seonghwa noticed you dozing off.

“I see someone is sleepy.”

“I’m not… I can stay up…”

“Sh, it’s okay, I’ll come again to tell you more stories. Although, before I go.” Seonghwa revealed a bouquet of fresh flowers. “These are for you. I’ll take the old ones.”

“No, wait.”

“Hm?”

“I wasn’t going to throw the old ones away… I wanted to bury them in my garden… I don’t want any gift from you to leave me…”

“Ah, how sweet. I’ll bury them for you on my way out then, but you must go to bed now.”

“Fine… can I at least make another request before you go?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t… don’t make me wait so long… please…”

“I shall do my best princess, but you know-”

“I do… as long as you return before the flowers wilt, then I won’t be mad.”

“I see, I think I can work with that.”

Seonghwa grabbed the flower vase, taking out the old flowers and putting in the new ones. He made sure to arrange them nicely, noticing your gaze on him. There was a nice little twinkle in your eyes, one that was only for him.

“There you are. I shall see you again soon, my princess, good night.”

“Good night, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa stuck around until you were tucked under your bed sheets, and he could be sure you’d be sleeping soon. He made his way through your garden, using the moonlight as his guide. Once he found a good place he dug a hole, burying the flowers he had given you before just as promised. Although he did take a petal, wanting a token of this gift as well.

♦♦♥♦♦

“The Crown Prince is here.”

Yunho was doing his best to see you, wanting to make sure you were alright, and also giving himself a break from studying. Although when he came to see you he immediately became worried. You were laying in bed, food half eaten. He quickly knelt down at your side, gently coaxing you awake.

“Y/n… y/n, wake up.”

“Hm… Yunho…?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…” You sat up, yawning. “What are you doing here?”

“Paying you a visit, but why are you in bed? Do you feel ill?”

“No, no, I’m just sleepy, that’s all. Look, I ate, and took my medicine.”

“You should have eaten everything.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Have you not been sleeping well?”

“I have. I’m fine, Yunho. There’s not much for me to do, so sometimes a nap is nice.”

“Hm… I’m not sure if I believe you.”

“Then call Yeosang, but I’m perfectly fine.”

“I’ll take you up on that.”

You rolled your eyes, pulling over your food table, deciding to finish up what was left so Yunho could worry less. He happily watched you, reaching over to pet your head and getting a smile out of you too. While you ate he looked around the room, thinking of things to get you so you don’t get so bored, but then his eyes landed on something peculiar.

“Where did you get those flowers?” Yunho asked. “You don’t grow those in your garden.”

You froze mid-bite, knowing exactly what he was talking about. You were trying not to panic, knowing your heartbeat could give you away. Despite all the time you had you never really figured out what excuse to give when asked.

“Did one of your court ladies bring them?”

“… yeah… I wanted something different… maybe I’ll ask for these flower seeds in the future.”

“I see. They’re nice. Should I send you flowers?”

“No, no, it’s okay.”

“Something else perhaps. New flower seeds for your garden?”

“I’d prefer new paints. It’s what I mostly do to pass the time.”

“Very well.”

Yunho stayed with you for a while longer, wanting to make sure you’d be alright and not sleep away your day. Even if you said you were fine he couldn’t help but be concerned. So of course he sent word to Yeosang to pay you a visit later. He had to be sure you were okay at any given time. Even though you had requested paints he did like the idea of sending you flowers, although he wanted to make sure they weren’t ones you had in your garden. He thought to send Jongho out to get some, but the boy let him know he didn’t have much knowledge of flowers, let alone which one’s the princess kept in her garden. It seemed that Yunho would have to venture out of the palace for that, so he’d have to plan for that in the future.

♦♦♥♦♦

“I feel like we’ve been seeing each other more often these days.”

“Does that upset you, princess?”

“Not at all. If anything, I feel bad for wasting your time.”

“I’m a royal physician after all.” Yeosang reminded. “It’s my duty to look after the royal family.”

“Well, once again, I assure you I’m fine, but my brother needs to be sure.”

“There’s no harm in that.”

“I know.”

“Then let’s ease his worries. I’m told you’ve been having trouble sleeping.”

“Not really… I just want to take naps during the day.”

“That’s new behavior for you.”

“So? It’s not concerning, is it?”

“Not at all, but it does sound like you’re not sleeping well at night.”

“I am.”

“Which I am inclined to believe. Medically speaking, nothing in regards to your health should be affecting your sleep schedule, but I’ll check just to be sure.”

“Go ahead.”

You were used to Yeosang’s check-ups, especially as they were happening more than usual. Although you did need to figure out a way to stop making your brother worry. It seemed that every little thing about you was cause for concern, which was far from the truth. Staying up late at night and sleeping during the day shouldn’t be a problem to him.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re not sleeping at night?” Yeosang asked. “I know there’s an answer.”

“… sleeping during the day just passes the time faster. I don’t have much to do anyway… besides, star-gazing is really nice.”

“I see. You’re not a nocturnal creature though, so you shouldn’t mess with your sleep like that.”

“I’ll do better.”

“I hope so, but just in case I’ll leave you with some sleeping aids. Take one before bed with water and you’ll be good.”

“Thanks, Yeosang. You can let Yunho know I’m doing okay.”

“I will. Now, since I’m here, is there anything you want to discuss?”

“About what?”

“Anything, really, but if you say you’re good then I’ll be off.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you next time.”

“Be well, princess.”

“I’ll do my best.”

♦♦♥♦♦

If Seonghwa truly had his way he’d see you every night, but that was a luxury he’d have to work hard for. Even if he had his own plans and desires, he still had his title to uphold. For now at least. So there were things that were expected of him as a scholar and a Park. Not to mention he knew his father would be keeping a close eye on his progress. Moreso to make sure he didn’t do anything to embarrass him or the Park family. Still, the thought of seeing you and winning your favor was all the motivation he needed. He knew you eagerly awaited his visit every night, which ultimately worked to help his plans.

Once he had a good routine every other second or third night he’d make the journey to your quarters. Each time he’d happily coax you awake, loving the twinkle in your eyes as you awoke to his call and realized he was there. You were so well behaved and eager for his company, Seonghwa knew he practically had you in the palm of his hand, but he would remain a gentleman. You needed care and love above all else. So he always made sure to bring fresh flowers, not wanting to repeat himself, nor give you anything that you had in your own garden. He had stuck around a while longer once you had gone to bed a few nights prior, wanting to get familiar with the space you called your own.

He felt your friendship was growing nicely, and as things progressed he did more. One night in particular he had brought over a blanket, wanting to lay under the stars with you. It provided you with some fresh air, and company. Seonghwa was more than happy to talk about the stars and the things he knew about them. It seemed you were fascinated with astrology, keeping your eyes glued to the stars while Seonghwa’s gaze remained on you. By now he had the temptation to kiss you, but he had to hold himself back. Time was on his side for now, and he could be patient. Of course late night visits could only last so long. While talking Seonghwa realized you were curled up next to him, dozing off. He chuckled and softly pet your head.

“I see it’s time for you to get to bed.”

“… it won’t be warm…”

“Shall I go with you then? I can stay until your bed warms up and you’re asleep.”

“… yes, please…”

“Alright, but you have to get up first.”

A pouty whine escaped your lips, but still, you had to get up. You sat up with Seonghwa’s help, rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes. The two of you went back to your room, Seonghwa making sure you were under your blankets before laying down beside you. He gently moved to spoon you, wanting to keep his word and warm you up. Although he had to be careful not to fall asleep himself. Late night visits took a toll on him too, but he could trade a good night’s sleep for this. He hummed for a moment, listening to your steady heartbeat.

“You know… we should try daytime visits.”

“… that’s dangerous… I wouldn’t want you getting in trouble…”

“I worry more about you, but I do really want to see you bask in the sunlight. To tend to your garden together. Perhaps even share a meal.”

“I don’t… sorry…”

“Hm? Why are you apologizing?”

You rolled over to face Seonghwa, seeing his curious eyes, but you could also see the exhaustion. You could get away with napping as you had nothing else to do, but Seonghwa didn’t share in that privilege.

“You must be tired during the day…”

“Ah, it’s okay. I function well on a handful of hours of sleep. I’d rather see you and lose some sleep than not see you at all.”

“But those short nights will catch up to you eventually…”

“I can handle it.”

“Do you want some sleeping aids?”

“Sleeping aids? Why do you have those?”

“When my brother caught me taking a nap one morning he got worried and had Yeosang look me over. He’s my doctor, and he gave me some sleeping aids, saying I shouldn’t mess with my sleep schedule.”

“Ah, are you saying I’m bad for your health?”

“No, not at all.” You chuckled. “My brother just worries about every little thing when it comes to me. Anyway, I don’t use sleeping aids, but it sounds like they’d work better for you.”

“Hm, perhaps they might.”

“Take them.”

You got up and brought over the little box Yeosang had given you before. You held it out to Seonghwa, who took it and examined the contents.

“He said you’re supposed to take one before bed with some water.”

“I’ll give them a try then.”

“Good. I want you to sleep well.”

“As long as I get to see you I know I’ll have sweet dreams. Now come on, you do need to sleep.”

Seonghwa tucked you back in under your blanket, humming to help soothe you. It wasn’t long before you were fast asleep, all warm and comfy. Seonghwa would have loved to stay longer, but that ran the risk of getting caught. He carefully moved away, being careful not to wake you. He took the box of sleeping aids and snuck out the window quietly closing it on his way out, then gathering up the blanket he brought. He still wanted to try and see you during the day but that would be a conversation for another time.

♦♦♥♦♦

Hongjoong was always rather nervous as he stood guard outside the princess’ quarters, not wanting to get caught, or worse, get Seonghwa in trouble. He was only ever at ease once Seonghwa returned to his own quarters and turned in for the night. That’s when he got his much needed downtime, although on this particular night that wouldn’t be the case. As Hongjoong got ready to sleep himself he was approached by a familiar face. Words didn’t need to be spoken, so Hongjoong merely followed the other, soon finding himself a guest of Minister Park.

“Minister Park, how may I be of service?”

“There’s no need for such formalities. Sit, I merely wanted to speak with you.”

“Of course, minister.”

“I’m sure it hasn’t been easy keeping an eye on my son, but knowing you are with him puts me at ease.”

“I’m glad to be of service.”

“There hasn’t been any trouble, has there?”

“Not at all. Lord Park does well to maintain the honor of the Park family. All those who meet him are impressed by him and eager to build a relationship.”

“I see. He must be very busy then. So he’s no longer making late night visits to the princess?”

“…”

“He’s persistent.”

“Lord Park focuses on his duties first and foremost. His visits to the princess are only when he has time. He knows what the real priority is.”

“Hm… then perhaps it’s best to remind him who he is.”

♦♦♥♦♦

Seonghwa truly enjoyed being in the palace. It felt right, and gave him peace of mind. So he had no trouble stepping out into the nearby villages, happy to mingle with the locals knowing where he’d return to in the end. Today he wanted to do something special, wanted to try something new. Of course Hongjoong was against the idea.

“Visiting the princess during the day is very risky.” Hongjoong reminded. “You’re already bust as it is.”

“I have more time during the day. Besides, outside of meals and basic things, the princess is alone. There are many opportune times to visit her.”

“You could get caught at any moment.”

“That’s why I have you, and if you need any help we can ask Wooyoung.”

“Seonghwa-”

“I won’t do anything until I have a proper plan, so you don’t need to worry.”

“I still don’t think you should do this. Why don’t you just focus on your work in the palace? You have an incredible career ahead of you.”

“One I don’t care for. I can do better for this nation and you know it.”

“Seonghwa, you have to know that what you’re after is insane. If anyone-”

“I’m going to need you to run a little errand for me today.”

Hongjoong has wanted to dissuade Seonghwa from his plan of courting the princess since he was first told of it. He had been trying, but his pleas were falling on deaf ears. Of course many times when the subject of the princess was brought up, Seonghwa was quick to change things when he no longer wanted to hear Hongjoong try to reason with him.

“What kind of errand?”

“I want you to deliver something to the princess.”

“What!?”

“She’s never been outside the palace, so I want to send her something unique. These vendors sell all kinds of little treats I’m sure she’s never had. Although I should probably speak with her physician to make sure I don’t send her anything that might make her sick.”

“I doubt her physician would share such information.”

“I have my ways of getting answers… today I want to send her little cakes, what do you think of these?”

“Seonghwa, this is also risky.”

“When I first wanted to apologize to the princess you suggested I send her a letter, what’s so different about this that now you disapprove?”

“I-”

“Just sneak into her quarter’s after her court ladies leave her lunch. Can you do that?”

Hongjoong sighed. “Yes, I can.”

“Good. I’ll take these then and write her a letter.”

Seonghwa paid for the cakes, eager to return to the palace and send off his gift. Although as soon as he was back he was approached by his father’s guard. He told the guard he was busy, but that wasn’t an acceptable answer. It seems his gift would have to wait till later.

♦♦♥♦♦

“Your Highness, the King requests your presence in the throne room.”

“Right now? Is there a reason why?”

“One was not stated, but we should not keep the King waiting.”

“Agreed.”

Yunho was rather surprised by the request. Even before the most recent events his father was not one to call on him so suddenly without reason. He couldn’t help this uneasy feeling but he’d have to face it regardless. He made his way to the throne room, his arrival being announced and then stepping inside. He expected his father to be alone, but instead he was met with some guests, and familiar ones too.

“Crown Prince, I don’t suppose you remember Lord Park Seonghwa, he is Minister Park’s son.”

“I do. I heard of his return and the two of us reacquainted ourselves.”

“That’s good. Since Lord Park has studied outside the palace he’d likely have good insight for you, so building a relationship would be wise.”

“I understand, your Majesty.”

Yunho knew the two of them would likely be pushed together by their fathers, but he didn’t expect this so soon. Still, there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with rekindling an old friendship. A few more things were mentioned but Yunho and Seonghwa were soon dismissed.

“How have you been adjusting to the palace?” Yunho asked. “It must be very different to the way you lived before.”

“It’s not too difficult to adapt, your highness.”

“I suppose this is still technically your home.”

“It always has been.”

“Come. We should talk in a more comfortable setting.”

“Yes, your highness.”

Things were a bit awkward between the two. Yunho would have preferred to build this relationship on his own, but there was no harm in getting to know each other sooner. If anything Yunho could help Seonghwa out as he settled into things at the palace. He brought Seonghwa over to a quiet place in the royal garden. Those from their entourage kept a few steps away and out of sight.

“I honestly thought you’d visit throughout the years, but I never saw you again until now.”

“I wanted to, but my father rejected the idea every time I brought it up. So eventually I stopped asking.”

“You’re back now though.”

“It was my father who requested I return, well, more like ordered me too. He sent me away and brought me back. I still don’t understand why.”

“Perhaps it was all for this.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve lived and studied outside the palace, something I could never do. Together we’d surely be able to take care of the nation. Just like our fathers have.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

For a moment the two just sat in silence, letting the sounds of nature fill in the empty space. Their fathers would surely expect them to spend more time together going forward, but maybe not right now.

“I’m assuming your father brought you to the throne room and interrupted your day.”

“More or less.”

“Then I won’t keep you too long. Feel free to stop by my library when you like. We should see each other more often and I would enjoy hearing some stories from your time outside the palace.”

“I’ll make an effort to see you at least once a week, your highness.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

Seonghwa excused himself, but Yunho remained in the garden for a while longer. He thought back to his childhood, and the times he and Seonghwa used to play together. He wondered if they could actually rekindle an old friendship. His father and Minister Park got along well, and the nation thrived. He wanted to do right by the people as well when he became king, and Seonghwa was meant to help with that. Although his thoughts soon drifted to his studies. Besides his desires he had other things to consider, and he was nowhere near making a proper decision.

♦♦♥♦♦

“Seonghwa, are you alright?”

Hongjoong was certainly worried when Seonghwa was summoned and wound up in the throne room. He waited anxiously outside, and only got more nervous when the Crown Prince arrived. He feared the worst, but was greatly relieved when Seonghwa stepped out unharmed. Although the fact he was accompanying the Crown Prince was odd. Now that their little gathering was over Seonghwa was clearly upset.

“He did this on purpose.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My father has been making sure I have my hands full with my studies and tasks, trying to make sure I’m too busy to do anything else. Clearly that wasn’t enough so he brought me before the King and Crown Prince. He knows if I refuse them it not only looks bad on the family, but most of all me. He’d have me disowned and exiled from the palace immediately, which would ruin my plans. He knew exactly what he was doing.”

“Then for now you must comply with his wishes.”

“If I want to remain in the palace, yes.”

“Perhaps your father doesn’t have ill intentions and is merely trying to help you. The Park family name is respected and you have a bright future ahead of you as-”

“An advisor? No, a servant, better yet a slave. I’ve seen what this nation is like and it’s time for a change.”

“Seonghwa, don’t speak like that. If someone hears you-”

“You may not have studied history as much as I have, but I can tell you that the Jeong family has been in power for too long.”

“If you want the throne so bad why don’t you just challenge the King?” Hongjoong snapped. “Or wait until the Crown Prince ascends, why involve the princess? You’re playing with her heart and manipulating her for your own benefit! Your father is trying to help you and remind you of what’s important!”

“My father… what did you tell him?”

“What?”

“The other night I was looking for you and saw you walking off with my father’s guard, now what did you tell him?”

“I didn’t-”

“No wonder he pulled such a stunt today. He needed to add to my workload to keep me away from my own goals!”

“Seonghwa, you-”

“Get lost.”

“What?”

“Get lost! I don’t need a traitor like you at my side.”

“I serve the Park family, Seonghwa, and that includes you. It’s my job to protect you from all kinds of danger, especially while in the palace.”

“I don’t need protection here, I need a friend, someone I can trust, and I mistakenly thought that was you. Now get out of my sight!”

Seonghwa took back the little bag of cakes Hongjoong had been holding onto, storming off, but Hongjoong followed without hesitation.

“Seonghwa, you’re being ridiculous, you-”

All of a sudden Seonghwa stopped in his tracks and turned around. He startled Hongjoong, distracting him as he reached for the boy’s sword and unsheathed it. The tip of the blade pointed at Hongjoong’s throat, keeping him frozen in place.

“If you’re a servant of the Park family then you should know by now I intend to make my own path. I don’t need a guard, I don’t need you, Hongjoong. I told my father to stay out of my way, and the same applies to you. Do not show your face to me again unless you are prepared to die.”

Seonghwa threw the sword to the ground and walked away, this time Hongjoong did not follow. He merely stayed put, watching the other leave, uncertain of his own future.

♦♦♥♦♦

Seonghwa couldn’t bring himself to see you, not after his day had fallen apart. As far as he was concerned everything that had happened so far would have no effect on his plans, but it would just complicate things. The little cakes he had gotten you were now cold, and he wanted you to enjoy them while they were fresh. He’d have to make another trip outside the palace and plan accordingly in order to deliver them himself. For now he just retired to his own quarters, needing some peace.

A few days later he went to visit you at night, keeping to his original promise of seeing you before the flowers died. Despite everything that twinkle in your eyes shined bright, like a beacon of light in the darkness. You loved star gazing, but tonight he merely wanted to hold you in his arms. Hongjoong’s words rang in his head since they were true, but not entirely, not anymore. He thought he could trust him, but he should have known better. You can’t really trust anyone in the palace. As he was lost in thought he was suddenly pulled back to reality by a hand running through his hair. His gaze met yours, seeing the curious and worried look in your eyes.

“Are you alright, Seonghwa? You seem… distant tonight.”

“Apologies. I have a lot on my mind.”

“You must really be busy.”

“Indeed I am.”

“Then… I won’t hold you to your previous promise anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to come before the flowers wilt… I can wait for you, however long that takes.”

“Princess, you don’t need to say such things.”

“You’re busy in the palace, and have many responsibilities to uphold. You’re also the son of Minister Park, there must be quite the expectations on your shoulders. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“Y/n.” Seonghwa reached over to cup your cheeks. “You’re not a burden to me. Seeing you brings me much joy, and it’s the best remedy after a long day. I’m still getting used to everything, so I apologize for being so distant.”

“I can understand you have your priorities but… I must ask…”

“Hm? What is it?”

“Why… why do you care about me? Why did you approach me? Why do you sacrifice and put yourself in danger to see me?”

Seonghwa chuckled softly. “I wanted to see what had become of you after all these years… but also… I know what it’s like to be alone when there are so many people around you. To be at arms length from your parents… it may not really be my place, but I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Are you alone in the palace?”

“It seems I am… besides you of course.”

“But you have your father, and guard.”

“Not really, not anymore.”

“… I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to apologize. I know the palace is a lonely place, which is all the more reason to come see you. I want to keep our promise, and I want to see you during the day.”

“Seonghwa, you know-”

“I do, I do, we’ll talk about this more some other time. Let’s just enjoy the present.”

Seonghwa pulled you closer, wanting to keep you wrapped up in his arms, safe and sound. He hummed softly and closed his eyes, listening to your steady heartbeat, providing him with comfort. He was slowly dozing off, a lot of exhaustion catching up to him, but then he heard a tapping on the window. His eyes snapped open, immediately on alert. For a second all he caught was the hilt of a sword, and then he noticed the slivers of sunlight in the sky. He had stayed for too long. Thankfully it seemed that you hadn’t woken up, and he’d do nothing to disturb your sleep. Seonghwa carefully pulled himself away from you, biting his lip instead of kissing your head. He made his way out, careful to be quiet and not be seen.

“Thank you, Wooyoung. I’m sorry I must have fallen asleep at some point and lost track of time.”

As Seonghwa thanked Wooyoung for being his look out he saw the boy shaking his head, gesturing to someone behind Seonghwa. A scowl quickly appeared on Seonghwa’s face and he drew out Wooyoung’s sword. Although when he turned around, ready to keep his word, he saw Hongjoong on his knees, bowing his head as he held up his own sword. For a moment there was silence and then Hongjoong dared to speak.

“I was wrong, my lord. I am not a servant of the Park family, only yours. Whatever you desire, whatever becomes of you, I wish to stand by your side as a protector, but most of all a friend. The palace is a dangerous place and you should not traverse it alone. If you’ll have me… I shall serve you until my dying breath. If I cannot do that for you then I ask you to keep your word. I am prepared to die.”

Hongjoong raised up his sword higher, still keeping his head bowed. Silence once again filled the air, the sounds of nature waking up, of a new day, began to take over the quiet morning. Seonghwa returned Wooyoung’s sword, stepping towards Hongjoong and taking the blade presented to him.

“Stand.”

Hongjoong did as he was ordered, but did not meet Seonghwa’s gaze, not until the tip of the sword was under his chin.

“You swear loyalty to me, no matter what happens? You’ll die for me if needed?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Tsk.”

“Seonghwa.”

The tip of the sword was pressed against Hongjoong’s throat, any more pressure and blood would be drawn. If this was the end Hongjoong would accept it. He deserved it for abandoning his friend. Instead Seonghwa pulled the sword away, stepping closer and returning the sword to its sheath.

“I will hold you to your words, Hongjoong.”

“I expect nothing less.”

“Thank you, for the wake up call.”

“You definitely need to sleep more, which is why it’s best you visit the princess during the day.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“Yes. I know how you can accomplish this.”

“Do tell.”

37 notes · View notes

morgana-larkin · 9 hours ago

Note

I love your writing and I have a Melissa x reader prompt for you.

They have something casual going on and Mel always tells the reader she is her girl until one day Melissa decides to really make the reader officially her girl.

I thought on something sweet 💕

Hi anon! I love that you love my writing and thank you for the prompt! I kept this sweet like you wanted as it could have gone dark 🙂. I based some of this off of Chappell Roan’s song Casual. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

On another note: I decided to wait on Worth It part 12 until the new episodes come out to meet Melissa’s family and see what they’re like.

Casual Now?

Warnings: Smut

Words: 2.6k

Both of you lay your head on a pillow after coming, catching your breath. You fall asleep and Melissa scootches closer to you and places an arm around you, gives you a light kiss to avoid waking you up, and then falls asleep beside you.

You wake up and you look to see Melissa is still asleep. You carefully get up as her arm is around you and then you quietly get dressed and then leave. Unknown to you, Melissa was awake the entire time, she woke up a few minutes before you did and she was just enjoying your body against hers, knowing you won’t be soon. She usually awoke a few minutes before you did and just enjoys the feeling of your body against hers.

She let out a sigh when she heard the door to her house close and she went to the window to make sure you got to your car safely. She then kicks her dresser out of anger and then goes to her bed and a tear falls down. The two of you started this casual, no strings attached relationship 3 months ago to let off steam from teaching, but it seems Melissa caught feelings in that time. She thinks back on what happened during sex last night.

You were under her as she had two fingers deep in you. You were a moaning mess and Melissa thinks you look beautiful and the sounds you make are music to her ears.

“Melissa, I’m so close!” You tell her as your legs start shaking.

“Come my beautiful girl.” She tells you and you immediately come.

Melissa didn’t mean to call you her girl but she figured you didn’t notice as you were so close to an orgasm. She sits on her bed thinking about what life could be like with you. If you started dating then she can show you off as hers, eventually move in together, and lots of kisses that she can steal from you.

The next day Melissa gets ready for work, she covers up the small hickey you left on her left breast by accident. She walks in and goes to the break room and sits next to Barb with the trio distracted by something on Janine’s phone.

“Did you see her again this weekend?” Barb asks her as Melissa slumps down in her chair. She of course told Barb when she started getting feelings as she had to tell someone.

“Yes, even if I know I shouldn’t, I just want to be near her.” Melissa explains to her.

“Melissa, you should end it or tell her.” Barb tells her sternly.

“I tried subtly talking about a relationship and she said it’s casual, just like we talked about 3 months ago.” Melissa says and puts her head in her hands. She then gets a text and she looks at her phone.

You: You look stressed, did the other night not help?

You messaged her and she looks and sees you across the room with some teachers and you’re looking at her.

Melissa: It helped at the time, but now I’m thinking of all the things I have to do this week

You: Need a pick me up after school?

Melissa: I’d like that

*After School*

Melissa makes her way to her car to go home and then prepare for when she sees you later. She gets to her car but then sees you walking out of the building and almost no teachers or cars around. She gets an idea and goes to you and drags you to her car.

“Melissa, what are you doing?” You ask her confused and she opens the passenger door and you smile then get in. “Can’t wait I see.” You tease her and she gets in after you.

She gets on top of you and begins making out with you and she feels the stress of today melt away with each kiss. She then goes lower and starts kissing your neck, and without knowing it, she starts sucking, marking you as hers.

“Melissa, don’t leave a hickey on my neck.” You tell her and she groans but then she trails lower and she lowers your shirt and starts sucking on your chest. You know she loves sucking on your body, but what you don’t know is she only started doing it to mark you as hers when she got feelings for you. She then gets down from the seat and drags your underwear down.

“It’s a good thing you decided to wear a dress today, my beautiful girl.” She tells you before diving right to your clit and you moan out.

“Oh Melissa, your tongue feels so good.” You gasp out and you feel her smile as she continues eating you out. You feel each lick and suck she gives your clit and you feel your orgasm start building quickly. She knows your body so well and knows how to bring you to an orgasm in minutes with just her tongue. You grab hold of her hair and you start moving your hips before she pins you down. Your legs start shaking and she goes faster before you moan out as you come. She pulls away and gets back on top of you and continues kissing you to help you come down.

You then slip your hand down her pants and find her clit and immediately start doing circles on it. Melissa gasps and grabs hold of the seat as you bring her to the edge in under a minute. She surges forward and kisses you as she comes.

“So, feel better?” You ask her as you take deep breaths while she rests on your lap.

“Ya, thanks hon.” She says softly and smiles at you.

“You looked really stressed in the break room this morning.” You tell her and she groans and rests her head on your shoulder.

“Don’t remind me.” She says and you giggle.

“Busy week this week?” You ask her.

“More like busy life.” She says and you hum. “Do you want to come back to my place? I have lots of leftovers.” She says and you look at her.

“Why do you want to feed me?”

“We’re friends aren’t we? Isn’t that what friends do?” She asks you.

“They do.” Is all you say as she draws mindless patterns on your chest.

“So want to come to my house then?” She asks you again and you smile and nod.

“Sure, I do love your cooking.” You tell her and Melissa feels happiness run through her entire body knowing she gets to spend time with you.

Melissa gets home and immediately gets changed into something more comfortable but also something that’ll have you staring at her. She goes for a dark pink low cut tank top, black leggings and a black knitted sweater her nonna gave her. You knocked on the door half an hour later and Melissa nearly ran to the door to answer it.

“Hey hon.” She tells you and you smile at her.

“Hey Melissa.” You say and go in when she steps aside. “You look nice.” You tell her when you take in her outfit.

“Thanks, I was just about to reheat the leftovers.” She tells you and goes into the kitchen and you follow her.

“I’m still surprised you offered me to come over. I know we’re friends but you barely offer any friends to come over to your place.” You tell her and she smiles at you.

“That’s because some of them annoy me.” She says.

“And I don’t?”

“You did at first, but you were new last year.”

“So what made you take an interest in me?” You ask her and she quirks an eyebrow at you. “At least, enough of an interest to want to sleep with me.” You add and she chuckles.

“You’re cute and you don’t annoy me as much.” She tells you as she gets the now hot containers out of the microwave and transfers the food onto a plate. She then takes the plates and brings them to the dinner table. You sit down and take your first bite.

“I always love your cooking.” You say with a hum and she smiles at you. “Why did you never become a chef?” You ask her.

“Because cooking is one of my passions but I only like cooking for people I like.”

“Well I’m honoured to be one of those people.” You tell her and Melissa can’t help but smile as you smile at her.

After dinner you both go to the couch with some wine and start a conversation.

“So why Abbott?” She asks you and you tilt your head. “You could teach anywhere, so why an underfunded school?”

“Because I didn’t become a teacher for a big paycheck, I became one to help students.” You tell her with a shrug. “What about you?”

“Same thing.” She says as she finishes off the wine in her glass. “Can I kiss you?” She blurts out and you look at her confused.

“Why are you asking? We’ve kissed before.” You tell her.

“Ya but only when we have sex. Right now I just want to kiss you.” She tells you and looks down at her hands. You put your wine glass down, cup her cheek and kiss her. She puts her hands in your hair to keep you from pulling away and enjoys the feel of your lips on hers. You pull away too soon for Melissa’s liking and you look at her.

“That was one hell of a kiss.” You say with a slight blush.

“Ya, it was.” Melissa agrees with a slight blush of her own.

“Did you really want me over because we’re friends and no other reason?” You ask softly.

“What other reason could I possibly have?”

“I don’t know, it’s just you’ve been acting different lately.” You say and play with your fingernails absent mindlessly.

“Different how?”

“It’s just… before, at the beginning of this casual relationship, you seem to only be in it for the sex, which is the reason we started this. But lately it seems like you want more than just sex.” You try to explain and she looks at you. “Like you kiss me a lot more now, you talk to me in school just to talk to me, you’re inviting me to your place for dinner, and the other day I ran into Kristen Marie and she mentioned you talk about me.” You tell her and she sighs.

“Can’t I just want to be friends with you as well as have casual sex.” She replies with.

“Is it still casual?” You ask her and Melissa freezes. She didn’t expect you to catch on to anything that she does differently.

“It’s still casual hon, I’m not interested in anything else.”

“I didn’t ask you if you were interested in a relationship, I’m asking if you have feelings for me.” You bluntly ask her and Melissa is looking at you like a deer in headlights.

“Look hon, I don’t know what you’re trying to get here but-” she starts to ask but you cut her off with a kiss. She immediately kisses you back and she deepens it quickly. You take her sweater off and she immediately takes yours off before you break the kiss to take off her tank top. “Wait hon, what are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“I didn’t ask you here for sex.” She clarifies and you roll your eyes.

“I know, but that tank top was driving me crazy as it gave me a great view.” You tell her before kissing her again. Melissa has become addicted to your kisses and always immediately kisses you back. You unclip her bra and tear it off her and cup her boobs with your hands. “Mm, I just love them.” You tell her.

“Touch them all you want.” She says and winks at you before kissing you again. She then straddles your lap and trails her mouth down to your neck and begins kissing it.

“No hickeys on my neck.” You remind her and Melissa has had enough.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re not together and I’m a teacher.”

“What does us not being together have to do with it?”

“Because I don’t want other girls getting the wrong idea, I don’t want them to think I’m not available.” You tell her and Melissa feels a tightness in her chest.

“Are you seeing other girls?” She asks you before she stops herself.

“On dates, yes, I’ve been on a date with two girls since we’ve been hooking up.” You tell her honestly and Melissa gets off of you and sits beside you on the couch. She puts her head in her hands as you look at her confused. “Melissa? What’s wrong?” You ask her and you put a hand on her arm.

“I don’t want you to go out with other girls, I don’t want you to be with anyone else.” She says without looking at you.

“What?” You ask her and she looks at you.

“You’re right, I do have feelings for you and I’m scared about that. I didn’t expect to get feelings for you. It did start off as just casual but about a month later I started having a crush on you.” She tells you and leans back onto the couch. You stare at her in shock before you grab her chin and turn her head to look at you.

“Are you telling me the truth?” You ask her and she nods as a tear falls down her cheek. You wipe the tear away before cupping her cheek and she leans into your touch. “I have feelings for you too.” You tell her and she puts her hand over yours that’s on her cheek.

“Really?”

“Yes, why do you think I’ve noticed you acting different? You know I can be oblivious to things like that but I noticed with you because I wanted to know if you felt the same way.” You tell her and she smiles. “And I honestly didn’t expect to tell you while your boobs are out.” You add on and she giggles.

“Are you complaining?” She asks and you shake your head.

“It’s an incredible sight and they’re a big weakness for me.” You tell her and you blush a bit. She then cups both your cheeks and leans in and kisses you.

“Do you want to be with me?” She asks when she pulls away.

“I thought you didn’t want a relationship right now?”

“I didn’t but I want you. I want you to be my girl and no one else’s.” She tells you and you smile.

“So that’s why you’ve been calling me your girl during sex lately.” You say and she nods. “I want to be your girl, but only if you ask me properly.” You say and she shakes her head.

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“I’ve been told that yes but you want me to put your impossible girl.” You tease her with and she giggles before tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“I do. Y/n, will you be my girlfriend?” She asks you.

“Yes.” You tell her and seal it with a kiss. “Wait, how is this gonna go as we’ve already been having sex with each other?” You ask her. She rolls her eyes at you and brings you in for another kiss.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

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Let me know if you want to be added!

#melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti x oc #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti #x reader #fanfic #lisa ann walter #law #abbott elementary

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b4kuch1n · 1 year ago

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saw you.

#pokemon #swsh #rival hop #professor hop #october piece. it's the october piece #the triple feature will happen soon! I'm thinking abt what snack to make for that.#since the senpai's currently in digestive agony. I'd like to figure something out for it #in another news as well. the game's about to ship! and I'll get my copy soon. hopefully. I'm very anxious about postal stuff here #I have. very bad luck with international mails #when it arrives I'll take photos #mmm. I never really thought of pieces I did with this design to be sequential. but they kind of are?#at least it's become that way now. so next installment next year it seems #wait did I ever post the design sketch for this one lmao... I know I posted the one for the 'modern' variant #but I dont think the sketch for this one specifically ever got posted #well. if I cant find it then I'll post it. otherwise I'll be rebloggin some stuff on the day #have a good night lads. hey if you still have a deviantart account you should delete that shit

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mysterious-dark-shadow · 3 days ago

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I sometimes re-read posts from "The Before Times": from before the Sewage Flood of '22, before we discovered the Slow Methane Leak that had been gassing the house for YEARS, before Felix was officially diagnosed with HOLE IN THE BRAIN.

This specific post was during a time when we were desperately trying to figure out why things were getting better in some ways and so much worse in others. Felix especially was dealing with mental and physical issues that should have gotten better after he quit his super stressful job.

The information we have now doesn't invalidate the conclusions Felix came to in the original post: his hormones were all over the place & his diet needed changing. And responding to those issues helped eliminate some symptoms that were specifically related to those problems. The changes helped him have a clearer head a year later when I ended up going crazy* from methane overexposure.

The fact that we had been working with doctors for several years actually helped us out a lot when it came to Felix's migraines. When we finally got to a neurologist, he could see that we weren't chasing painkillers. He ordered the MRI for Felix's head that we had been trying to get for soo long. And fought insurance to give us the prescription that actually made a difference in the severity of the migraines Felix suffers from.

And today we have a much better handle on our physical and mental health. We learned how to talk to each other about what's going on in our heads. We learned so much about how to help each other physically. We know what it looks like when one/both of us are suffering from methane exposure, and how to get the gas out of our living environment, so we can actually unpack boxes of stuff that we haven't touched since early 2022.

We are literally getting our past back. There are art projects that Felix was in the middle of that were boxed up alongside the reference books that were sitting on the same table. Trinkets and keepsakes that were on the shelves of bookcases and cabinets from our adventures, separately & together, are finding new spaces in our apartment. Our dried boutonnieres from our wedding day were briefly on display and then quickly put in a cabinet because our cats are rose-eating monsters.

Sometimes I wish I could reach back in time to 2020-2021 us, but I don't know what I'd say. What we went through in 2022 was horrific. We are still picking up the pieces. What kind of warning could prepare past-us for what was to come?

And then I remember a strange encounter we had early in 2021. We were in the beginning stages of our channeling experiments. I was the channeler for a specific entity that had previously given us advice that had turned out to be prophetic, so Felix at some point asked them, "What is the most important thing we should know for our future?" The entity made a painful grimace that made my face ache for a few hours afterwards, then said, "Keep going. No matter what happens, just... Keep. Going." They refused to elaborate, and Felix dismissed the entity soon afterwards. We were puzzled by the cryptic nature of the message and the swirling mass of negative emotions - anguish, fear, anger, regret - that my body felt at the moment the entity grimaced. But we followed the advice, reminding each other that we should "keep going" when times were difficult and situations seemed impossible to overcome.

I now realize that I don't have to reach back in time to warn anyone. Someone else already did. And now I pass on that advice to you in hopes that it helps you as it has helped us so many times:

Keep going. No matter what happens, just... Keep. Going. _____________

*I'm not using that phrase lightly. I completely lost touch with reality and ended up in a hospital psych ward for 12 hours. The hospital didn't handle me well (symptoms hand-waved as "THC overdose" with no tests confirming that diagnosis...), but the event did shock me back into reconnecting with reality again.

Having Mental Illness

It’s hard to talk about my experience with mental illness sometimes because I’m not diagnosed by a professional for “everything I have.” For instance, in my household we all know that I have depression and anxiety, but it’s not really nailed down on my medical chart whether I have Generalized Anxiety or Major Depression. I’ve talked to my doctor about my anxiety, my “moods” as it is usually termed in the doctor’s office, and had my spouse at my side during the discussions, and been prescribed Zoloft for my symptoms even, and the takeaway has been:

My doctor doesn’t want to diagnose me with a mental illness, because no one wants to figure out what the insurance will do. Or what the protocols for it are. Or what the exact diagnosis should be. My therapist had further insight there: finding someone who can make the right diagnosis for me is one thing. But there could be several different diagnoses for what I could have, depending on what treatment plan they wanted to bill for, or what my insurance covers, WHICH CAN CHANGE.

And all this time, we’re just trying to live this and figure out how to do right by me and the body and brain I have.

It’s why I keep thinking I need to explain myself here. There’s no catch-all term for whatever it is that I have. There’s a lot of medical interactions between my hormones, my mood, my sleep cycle, and my information processing ability. Sometimes at 2AM I decide it’s time to read a paranormal encyclopedia, and that’s just because my body is not going to be good at doing anything else at that time, because that’s what the chemicals in my body say to do.

So, I mentioned my hormones–one reason I’ve been quiet is because I don’t want people to think that transitioning will cause you harm or that transitioning people are “crazy.” But I’ve had some severe mental health effects from my hormones being way off-balance at times, and I’m finally able to talk about it. One reason I’m able to talk about it again? I’m finally GETTING my hormones.

Last year when I switched to topical rub-on testosterone instead of intramuscular injection, it was because I was unable to do the shots anymore. My needle fears ramped up and I had to switch over. Well, turns out the absorption was never working right for me because I was getting allergy injections in the same area as I was rubbing the cream on, and apparently the testosterone got into my bloodstream instead of the lymph system, and made my levels seem incorrect? Gods it was nuts. Anyway my insurance cancelled rub-on hormones on January 1 with no warning anyway, so it’s a good thing I was planning to switch to subcutaneous injection. Which I did yesterday after being without my rub-on hormones for 3 days.

My body feels like a submarine that goes up to get air and down to dive below at times completely dependent on my hormone levels and nothing else, and my hormone levels basically all last year were bonkers. It destroyed my sense of time right as I and everyone else were all locked in our homes. My stress has ramped with the news cycles, making me unable to sleep some nights until my body finally exits hypervigilance.

There’s not a cure for this, or any single diagnosis, or a treatment other than to take care of myself and keep going.

I’ll keep going.

I want to open up more about my mental illness experience, and what it does and how I get through it, but I’m going to warn you that my mental illness doesn’t follow the discourse. It fucks the discourse. I’m a person who has decided to stop driving because I don’t like how I might react to the unexpected behind the wheel, and I still vote, I make big financial decisions, heck I make winning investment picks. Sometimes I can’t walk out my front door, and it’s not for any logical reason, and I even know logically with my brain at the time that nothing bad will happen if I go outside. Still, sometimes I can’t walk out my front door, and in those times I realize that I don’t actually have to. Because last year we as a household realized that I could no longer do the things I’d done all the previous years before, that something in my mind and body had drawn a line and said I couldn’t go ignore those boundaries anymore.

I can’t watch TV like a “normal person.” Ads really mess with me and so I often avoid commercial television, for instance. But I also have trouble sitting down and absorbing something on a screen, I’ll often have to walk around, or I’ll need to watch the show out of order, or see it “filtered” through commentary or memes, because that’s how my brain decided I was processing that day. But the conversation I have with my spouse about the subject at the end of the day is still rich and fulfilling, because I’m still having an experience of the subject, be it a show or a video game or a news event. I just take it in in a very particular way, and sometimes that way changes depending on my mood and a bunch of other factors.

Heck, my diet changes how much I can focus and think. We’re still figuring out what does what. There’s a lot of rabbit holes to chase down. At some point we discuss what’s worth putting up with versus what actually needs treatment, because when things aren’t very clear-cut you need to prioritize. Also, having a lot of different medical issues at once means that you sometimes get overwhelmed and don’t know what order to address it all in.

I communicate in GIF and youtube format on here sometimes because I don’t really have a way to articulate the feeling or thought I have other than to show something that seems to encompass it all in an abstract or more psyche-oriented way. I really enjoy being able to do that here, and to get out the things I really want to express in an environment where people let me experiment with communication. Thanks to all of you for that. Except the bots. You’re not sentient, and that’s kind of weird.

Oh yeah. Mental illness and its interaction with hormones. Are completely ruining my ability to plan things and have been for like half a year now. So thank. For your pati. Ence.

#tyler gets personal

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dying-suffering-french-stalkers · 1 year ago

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god help me i'm going insane about dickson xenoblade again

#this is what i get for thinking about lord of the rings too hard this week (specifically denethor / gríma / saruman and the like)#thinking about the way anthony may delivered “when will you learn you HAVE no future?”#he thinks shulk is fully DEAD at that point. he thinks HE killed him. which he very much meant to. but now that the kid is no longer there #now that the terrible future he's been preparing for and actively working to bring about has in fact come about #i don't know that dickson really cared anymore. he played his part he did the deed expected and he did it unquestioningly. So What Now?#well. now nothing. now the world that he spent so long biding his time in; so long getting enmeshed in (even for nefarious purposes)#is about to end; is about to be gone forever.#sure zanza will probably just create another world and maybe he (dickson) will have Even More Power in the new one #(though that's not a given! he doesn't know for SURE his lord and god will keep his promise!)#but like. what the hell does he care at this point #dickson SAYS he wants power but i suspect that long long ago what the giant dickson really wanted was SURVIVAL.#we never get to know just how he became a disciple or what the giant civilization looked like in its heyday or how it ended #but in MY headcanon dickson saw that some kind of destruction coming and he wanted Out #and maybe he hated his peers and figured any power and prestige that came from this bargain was just a bonus #i think he thought of himself as a saruman type: powerful; remote; far above the petty troubles of mortals (even the long-lived high entia)#but i have always headcanoned that by his later days (i.e. when he started engaging w/colony 9; machina village; etc. in earnest)#he committed too hard to the bit and started “going native” as it were; started to give a shit in ways that he would never dare admit #maybe not as much of a shit as; you know; a regular guy would. but more than an immortal disciple and horseman of the apocalypse should.#and all the time knowing that all the world he'd seen would soon be gone #maybe everyone else can get fucked. but shulk had to die too. and that's what their god MADE them to do.#he can't allow himself to care or to hope for another option bc in his mind it's already over; decided; that's it #what else can you do in the face of ultimate power but bow to it and take whatever scraps may fall to an obedient servant?#“you have no future” nor does he except that shulk came back. except that the peoples of bionis/mechonis just wouldn't accept Fate.#and in some final rebellious corner of his mind he starts putting eggs in shulk's basket. “if they can't even defeat telethia they won't #stand a chance against me (or zanza)” so let's see if they CAN. oh they did? how about a dragon? oh fuck they defeated the dragon too?#well fuck. maybe there WAS another option all along. but will/can they stand against me; the final disciple? oh they can??#guess i'll die then bc i'm not looking THAT in the face. i am NOT unpacking my cowardice/failure/lack of vision after all these years.#good luck with that tho <3 you're welcome for the training btw. where i'm going i don't have to see your trauma assuming you live that long.#dickson #xenoblade

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eclarinet · 4 months ago

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same soup... different day

#hello it is sarah in the tags again #i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again #venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone #anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin #back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye #anyway this time i'd come in for the big D #i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong #i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety #its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc #anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the #isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers #isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and #i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic #anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing #i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche #also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like #ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it #and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this

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ambivalenceshefelt · 4 hours ago

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"And I absolutely love you for it!" Nikki said honestly, ginning. She really needed the support sometimes, even if it was just offered as a suggestion. Especially with the Damian drama that she was sure would break soon. Then they'd all need support, the professional kind. Nikki eyed Zoe challengingly. There was a very good chance the woman was bullshitting her, hoping to make excuses for Erica. Her eyes widened a little at the mention of them not sleeping together; this was brand new information actually..and a sad one at that. She let out a heavy sigh; awesome, both her siblings were in one way or the other effectively ruining their marriages. She was never getting married with that precedent. "Yeah, maybe I should figure out what it takes to join a covenant. New resolution, you know" || @zoemanning

Zoe didn't engage with her mother and father in-law often, if ever, but she knew that Nikki was basically supposed to be the good Keaton child. It was crazy for them to have high expectations for her now that she was an adult, so she didn't mind encouraging her to rebel even a little bit. "Whatever you need, your sisters will cover for you." She promised. As soon as the blonde mentioned Erica, Zoe was definitely in need of a drink now. "She's uh...she was working late." She lied as she grabbed a beer, easily popping the cap off and taking a sip of it. As much as she lied to everyone else, lying to Nikki felt wrong, and she didn't really know what Erica had told her sister about them anyways so maybe it wasn't even necessary. "Honestly, I don't know where she is. I barely know how we are at this point, aside from her being sorry about everything she did and us sleeping under the same roof, just not in the same bed. I'm just playing it by ear at this point. But you don't need to worry about us on your night, Nikki. We'll...figure it out, so you just figure out who you're taking home tonight."

@ambivalenceshefelt

#c: zoe manning #[ under a trillion stars ]

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 1 year ago

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"unicron" being a serious term in transformers lore is bringing me back to my blue sky days. guy with a cigarette looking out the window. i havent heard that name in 84 years

#apple bagel unicron.........#my experiences are not universal. thid is such a niche intersection of things #can anyone hear me. any of my mutual read blue sky. that was a lifechanging piece of media for me .#was on the verge that year. was being very very very heavily bullied on the schoolbus that year #(<< was. physically assaulted multiple times)#nearly broke my fuckin nose cause some asshole would sit in the front seat and trip me every time i got on for like a solid week #hashtag kick a ginger day which lasted a week #anyway. would get 2 my seat and put my headphones on and listen to the portal2 ost and read blue sky #for like. the whole year. bc that fic is basically a full length novel #one thing i would do if i had unlimited money is pay someone 2 bookbind blue sky for me .... i want that so bad #anyway. was on the transformers wiki bc i was trying 2 figure out what. all the media is and where i should stsrt.#bc im serious abt this apparently #and unicron is like..... a Major Thing #and in my head every time i see it i just hear. apple bagel unicron. hdhfhsjdbdnds #anyway. long retrospective post to say i think transformers is silly and neat and #friendship ended with my childhood being raised as a girl not being allowed to enjoy certain things. bumblebee is my new best friend #blahblahblah #reaction time #<< be prepared to block my liveblog tag soon if i actually get into transformers because i have NO other outlet for this shit lmao

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dbphantom · 2 years ago

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bl3 h2o au is 167 pages condensed [no notes/plans, just pure writing without breaks- the actual document is about 260 pages tho]

ffxv h2o au just hit 145 pages condensed

SOON.

#cruddy rambles #SOON #i should really finish and post chapter 2 i just hate writing the connective tissues lmao #it's done! everything's done! it's regret the chapter! but i just. hnnng. i hate connecting everything for the flow.#i also spend like 7 hours editing when everything's done and i don't wanna >:(#and posting chapter 2 means i gotta post chapter 3 after! and im not done with that one!#fuck!!#instead my brain went: hey. maagho and iwas like shit yeah maagho and also that one alternate ending that's probably eventually going to be #the canon ending because i love it so much #INSTEAD OF. OH. IDK. WRITING CHAPTER 3 #do you know how many macarons have been left unbaked. too many!!!#also im totally drawing kingsglaive ravus helping sania study miasma via his old prosthetic [cid cindy and holly make him a new one bc-#the old one was magitek and is implied to have miasma in it which... not healthy!] and this helping her figure out a technical cure for-#ppl who have been infected but not turned yet. compared to luna's magic which ravus doesn't seem to have access to bc not an oracle #because i think it would be sweet if he joined the kingsglaive [BECAUSE HE LIVES] in order to figure out how he's going to-#ensure what Luna wanted wasn't in vain and that includes helping people and healing them [thru aiding sania's research]#and since we're following the episode noctis ending luna lives and they get to meet each other again

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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago

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I have an absolute perfect storm of a shift coming up in April and I can’t decide whether I should cancel it

#i’ll set the scene for you: 9th april. easter sunday. the cafe is going to be absolutely Mental that day i just know it #i am on shift with: my manager (who’s lovely but she will be in the office all day doing managerial shit unless it gets so busy we literally #can’t cope); another new girl (who’s fairly nice); and my most hated coworker (who made me cry last week)#and to cap it off: i’m probably going to get my period that day!!!!! or maybe the day before which would be even worse since it’s a saturday #and i’m also working that day #why did i so cavalierly say ‘yeah weekends work really well; give me weekend shifts’#i’ve gone ahead and figured out when all my future periods are and put a ‘DO NOT ACCEPT A SHIFT ON THIS DAY OR DAY BEFORE OR AFTER’#on my calendar on the expected day 1 of my period #i just don’t know what to do. because what if i cancel it (offer up my shift in the rota app) and then my period is late anyway #i would feel so stupid. and if i get it on the saturday there’s not much point cancelling sunday because yeah day 2 is still bad #but if i survive a day 1 at work i can survive a day 2 #the demon on my shoulder is like ‘quit’ but i LIKE this job and more importantly i don’t want to go back to job hunting #i’ve spent the whole morning searching up like ‘how to survive your period at work’ and gotten Nothing Of Use lmao #it’s all aimed at people with desk jobs and girl if i was allowed to sit down that’d be like 90% of my problems gone immediately #should i just go on birth control. should i call the doctor while mabel has lunch and see if i can get in on friday #that might be the cheat code honestly. just straight up skip that period and get it the next week #BC does give me absolutely wild mood swings which is why i’m not on it but like.. surely there’s One out there that won’t mess me up #like i was on loestrin for about 4 years i think. rigevidon messed me up but surely it’s not the only one that’s appropriate for me??#i’ll try to call them soon. gotta feed mabel first #personal

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hunniegl4zed · 1 day ago

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There's Sonadow, Shadourge and Mightourge in the AU ✨️✨️✨️

To add a little extra saucy layer. Scourge used to date Shadow before the two of them "split up". They used to be lovers on the weekends and Scourge thought Shads was the one and only for him. Scourge being the guy he is, already had troubles with opening up to someone on that kind of level and letting someone see his vulnerable side. Shadow got to see that and actually got pretty close to it.

Scourge was just a fling to Shadow, nothing more. And when Shadow started to have feelings for Sonic, the weekend nights became less and less. Shadow would always leave on time before Scourge could wake up. Only for one morning, Scourge would be awake. He would ask Shadow to stay, even taking their "relationship" a step further. Sadly, Shadow's mind was already set. He knew that Scourge and him never could be a thing. Before Shads could leave, Scourge, in his old fashioned ways, would go off on him. Screaming, yelling and yes, crying at him for playing with his heart like that. Scourge would figure out in no time Shadow's new lover was Sonic.

Locking himself away in heartbreak, Scourge would turn to booze to forget these feelings and memories. He would be already feeling uneasy for arriving in Mobius. It's unlocking his haunted vision of him killing off all the people in Moebius. Causing him to lose sleep...

Some time later, Mayhem would have had enough of Scourge's self-loathing and drag Scourge with him to go bar-diving, to set his mind on different things. While feeling this low, Scourge would come across Mighty at one of the bars. They would hook up and the next morning, thinking Mighty would have already left him, Scourge would find out that Mighty stayed. He didn't left. Two of them would hook up more and more and eventually would tie the knot.

Since this is the Delirium!AU, it's not going to end well. In a manic episode and Super Scourge taking over more and more control, Scourge would think his dad had returned. Frightened and in rage, he would once again end "his father". Only for Scourge to regain consciousness after some time and see what he has done. He didn't end his father's life, but the only person that could have given him the happy ending, the one person who did got close to him on that level. Super Scourge needed Mighty out of the way to let his plans to work out. Pushing Scourge closer to fall over the edge, plummeting into madness...

---

Scourge: "I... I don't know how to explain it anymore. Stripes can still *censored cursing* for all I care. But Mighty... I... I can never forgive myself..."

Super Scourge: "It was fun for while it lasted. I should have thanked Shadow for allowing me to gain more power. It was delicious seeing Scourge crumble. But then that Armadillo came in between me and my plans. Having someone care about my vessel was... a nice touch, I have to admit. Too bad he had to leave so soon."

Mighty: "I thought I could save him. To be the one to hold him, tell him that it's going to be alright. I know I will meet my end, but at least, I could gave him the love he desperately needed."

Shadow: "... I still feel horrible about what had happened. Maybe if I changed how I was back then, this wouldn't have happened. My heart belongs to Sonic. there's no denying that. But I still will fight for making things right and to help get Scourge back on track."

Sonic: "Never thought Shads could have been with "budget-me" before Shads and I got together. And it was kinda silly for me. But now... now I can't help but to feel sad for the dude..."

---

For @sonic-au-collision & little extra world building ✨️✨️✨️

For kinda both creators and characters?

Creators: Are there any ships in your au that show up that you really enjoy? Or any that are very important(like mc's having relationships)

Main Character(s) of the AU's: if you're in a relationship how do you feel about it? What's your relationship like?

Question for both awesome!!

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic au collision #sonic au #sth au #scourge the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #mighty the armadillo #mayhem the hedgehog #sonadow #shadourge #mightourge #delirium!au #delirium!scourge #delirium!superscourge #tw death #the DRAMA #long text #Myepp dragging Scourge through sugfering on ALL levels ✨️✨️💅💅

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deerest-me · 3 months ago

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been meaning to write / create something about my experiences with researching suicide methods my whole life (happy september!), but for now i'll just say it really is amusing to see how obscure knowledge from it comes up in my day to day life.

prussian blue is probably my favorite example. i remember i impressed a friend by knowing the answer to some crazy trivia question and they asked how i knew and like. i guess i cant just say ``i had a morbid obsession with planning to give myself thallium poisoning and how to disguise the cause from medical staff so they dont administer prussian blue, or i at least slow them down enough''

also funnily enough, knowing that made me decode one of the central conceits of a fanfic series (hi sable!) before i even sat down to read past the titles.

life really is just kinda nuts.

#suicide mention #was one of the first copic marker colors i bought for myself too. froze as soon as i read the name while shopping at michaels. but bought i #that was on jan 6th 2021 by the way. right before i heard the news lmao #post inspired by going through my drafts and seeing the longer draft from last september i wrote about the SuicideHoliday website.#if anyone knows what that is anymore? lol. but man i was on there way too much.#painting your nails is one of the tricks. by the way. that i figured out. for ``getting away'' with thallium poisoning.#hm. i should go to sleep. im tired. did a lot of walking today. too much.#sorry if this is a bummer but i think you all know what it's like on my blog by this point

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fushitoru · 2 months ago

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i can't stop looking at his d—d—d—d—FACE!

pairings ⸺ (SEPERATE) boy next door!gojo x reader, wrestler!toji x reader, gym trainer!sukuna x reader, pizza delivery boy!choso x reader, husband's boss!nanami x reader, perv on train!geto x reader

summary ⸺ jjk men as overused p0rn/h3ntai plots! inspired by this awesome post by the talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular @/osamucide! pls check it out and the rest of his work :3

warnings ⸺ SMUT (mdni), consent is pre-established in all scenarios (but dub con just in case), everyone is of age (or older), exhibitionism, infidelity in nanami’s, pussy drunk men lol, not edited (as always), cowgirl, missionary, creampies, VERY public sex in toji’s, art by 3-aem, lmk if I’ve missed anything!

a/n lolll i'm ngl this was so fun to write. some of these scenarios are so funnny hELP. this one is also for some of the anons who are so obsessed w choso and sukuna in bridgerton au. wrote them for you 🫡 choso’s is my fav hehe

NEW: part 2 here

general masterlist

SUKUNA RYOMEN ⸺ HOTTIE'S PERSONAL TRAINER HAS A VERY HANDS ON APPROACH!

“Brat!” Sukuna’s voice cuts through the air like a whip. “Watch your back. You’re supposed to be hinging your hips back, not whatever lazy shit you were doing.”

He steps around to your side, the heavy thud of his boots on the gym floor adding to the oppressive weight of his presence. Squatting down, he sets his hips back in one smooth motion, demonstrating with sharp precision. “Like this. Not whatever the fuck that was.”

You glance at him, your legs trembling under you. Sweat clings to your skin, a thin sheen that feels heavy after the grueling thirty minutes with your personal trainer. Sukuna definitely takes the "tiger mom" approach, every tattoo on his body echoing the sharp, uncompromising authority in his eyes. Right now, those eyes bore into you, narrowed with impatience, his hands on his hips. His scowl is practically carved into his face—stone-hard and unmoving.

Breathing hard, you slump forward, hands gripping your knees as you gasp for air. Your heartbeat drums loudly in your ears. “Sukuna, g-give me a sec. I just—fuck—” You can barely string a sentence together between gulps of air. “I just maxed out. My legs are literally shaking.”

Sukuna clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disappointment, but his voice softens—just a little. “Fine. Catch your breath. But as you do that, let’s practice proper form.”

You nod exhaustedly, not being able to think very clearly. Wiping the sweat to prevent it from getting into your eyes, you put your legs hip width apart as Sukuna gets behind you to observe your form. You bend down, trying to sit back onto your hips as best as possible, but as soon as your ass grazes Sukuna’s crotch, you lose the form in your back in surprise. “Sorry—”

“That was wrong.” Sukuna’s voice is in your ear as he puts his hands on your hips, and you are dizzy with the contact. “Here.” Both of you squat down, Sukuna’s hard body moving right behind you, and at the lowest position, Sukuna’s thumb roves over the fat of your ass, and they leave your hips to trace up your back. “Your back should be neutral, otherwise you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“O—okay,” you breathily reply, dizzy with the way he was touching you. If you listened closely, it almost sounded as if you were whimpering. Unfortunately for you, it seemed like Sukuna was more observant than you had hoped because he was looking at you in suspicion, eyes raking up and down your figure to observe your appearance. Disheveled, chest rising rapidly, sweat dripping right in the middle of your breasts—

Sukuna, out of nowhere, grabs your hand and begins walking away. “Come with me. You’re not doing them right.”

Soon, you’re led into one of the gym’s stretching rooms—the private ones, the ones meant for Sukuna to help you after the workout.

“Sukuna, what are we—” you breathlessly ask, but you’re quickly shushed by Sukuna as he hoists himself on the massage table.

“Come here,” he motions to his lap, and you wordlessly follow his directions, sitting directly on top of his lap, gasping as you realize there’s a bulge making contact with your pussy. “We’re going to try an alternative way of doing squats, one that involves a bit more cardio.” He pulls down his sweatpants, blushing, furious cock springing out as he pulls down your yoga pants.

Soon, you’re moaning as you slowly take in his cock, sliding down as his precum and your copious amount of slick mix and drip onto his pelvis. Your feet are on either side of his legs, making you squat every time you lower yourself down on his length.

“Fuck! You’re so tight.” He slaps your ass as you bounce yourself rapidly on his cock. “Pretended to not know how to squat just for me to put this fat cock in you, isn’t that right?”

You didn’t have the capacity to answer, just moan as his cock hits your spot. Unsatisfied with your pace, Sukuna flips you both over until your back is on the table.

“Oh fuck yea,” Sukuna pants, hips pistoning into you rapidly, effectively fucking you into the table, and his quads are bulging in sheer strength as they clench and unclench in reflection of his pleasure. “Didn’t know my client had such a sweet pussy.”

KAMO CHOSO ⸺ SHE ORDERS BIG SAUSAGE PIZZA AND GETS HER DEEP DICK CRAVINGS FILLED! (the title is so ridiculous im crying)

“Your total’s $14.93. You’re five bucks short.” The delivery boy—an emo looking guy with hair in space buns—responds to the wad of cash and coins you had just given him. He couldn’t look any less bored than he was as he stared down impassively at you, hot, steaming pizza in one hand.

"Wait, but I ordered a small?" You ask him in confusion. "I couldn't possibly finish a large one by myself!"

He pulls out your receipt from where it was tucked into the pizza box. "Your order said a large." Upon glancing on it, you look that he was indeed correct—right next to your pizza, the size LARGE glared at you through the sheen of the reciept's paper.

"Oh," You said, dumbly, blinking in confusion. "Well, I can pay the rest in card if that's okay."

You get an impassive "I don't have a card reader."

"Oh, okay," you laugh nervously, hand going up to scratch the back of your head and fiddle with the rest of your fingers. "Okay, well," you squinted at his nametag, "Choso, let me just check the remaining cash I have. You can come inside if you'd like."

He comes inside, dropping off the pizza you ordered on your kitchen counter as he makes his way to sit on your couch. You go to your bedroom, checking your desk drawer for any loose cash you may have stored but to no avail. Heart racing and nervous, you frantically search the upper shelf of your room, on your tiptoes as you look for your money jar, praying that there was a 5 dollar piece of cash lying around. Instead, your fingers crash against some book propped on it, tumbling down onto the floor with a large thud!

You hear footsteps coming up to your bedroom door. Choso, standing near the door. "You good?"

"Yea," you strain, still reaching up high to grasp at the jar. "I'm just trying to find somethi—”

The heat of Choso's body surrounds you as he presses closer to you, reaching up effortlessly to grab at the money jar. His groin presses against your backside, acutely aware of his breaths as he passes you the jar.

Which is empty.

"Fuck!" you curse. You turn, looking at Choso in anxiousness, as you notice he hasn't backed away at all. "I'm sorry, but is there any alternative way to pay for the pizza? Again, I'm really really sorry for the hassle."

"You have to pay for the food in some sort of way," he says with a stony face. Your mind is racing, thinking of ways you could pay but coming up short.

As a result, you end up with your face stuffed against your pillow, the hot delivery boy plowing and drilling his cock into you.

"Fuck, so irresponsible. Couldn't even pay for the pizza she ordered without a stranger's cock inside of her." At his dirty talk, you whimper and squeeze your pussy, Choso groaning as a result.

"What was that?" He grabs your hair and pulls your face up as his tongue traces the frame of your ear. "What were you trying to say, you cockslut?"

"'M sorry!" You squealed and babbled, eliciting little ah! ah! ah!'s as he continues bumping his cockhead against the gooey spot inside your pussy.

"Yea, you better be. Wasting my fucking time. I'm going to come inside, got it?" Choso growls as he continues pistoning his hips inside.

GETO SUGURU ⸺ ANIME GIRL GETS HER PUSSY FINGERED ON PUBLIC TRAIN!

He pulls you in for a deep kiss while rutting inside you. "Aren't you my good girl? Taking this cock for me like a good girl?" You squeal, blabbering nonsense as he fucks you into next Tuesday…

You read the smut from your favorite author on Tumblr, devouring each word while remaining stony faced as the train rocked underneath your feet. In the corner facing the doors, you made sure that you were angled in such a way that no one would be able to see the filthy things you were reading on your screen.

However, the metro was slowing down and you looked up quickly—which was painful, considering you were so invested in the story—to make sure it wasn't your stop. As the rush of foot traffic simultaneously populated and vacated the metro, you paid no attention to the people behind you. After all, other people would be too busy on their phones to see what you were reading, right?

"You're going to take this cum, right? I'm going to breed you, my sweet, sweet girl." He laughs. You take a moment to take in his pretty features. Long hair, beautiful face, all filled with lust for you...

You scan the words, blush evident on your face as your favorite writer has done it yet again. Adjusting, you squeezed your thighs for relief and toyed with the hem of your skirt, failing to notice the soft breaths trailing down the back of your neck just because of how enthralled and taken you were with the plot.

And then, a hand trailed up your thigh, catching you by alarm. You almost drop your phone in your rush to turn and look at the creep that was touching you, ready to beat the shit out of him.

But when you do turn, you stop and widen your eyes. The man in front of you seems even prettier than the fictional man you were reading about, and you take him in as he rubs circles on your thigh. His sultry eyes rake down your figure, his lips pulled back in a knowing smirk. "That's some filthy shit you're reading."

Looking at him, your heart starts beating faster solely because of the promise of what his hands would do as they were currently softly stroking your thighs, getting closer and closer to going under your shirt. "I—I—uh sorry—I—"

"It's okay, pretty girl." He gives you a kiss on the side of your neck. "Continue reading it. Can you do that, baby?"

You nod, not trusting your voice. Coincidentally, you're at the part where the man helps the girl masturbate, rubbing and teasing her pussy up and down. The man behind you does the same, teasing your lips while refusing to delve inside your panties, no matter how badly you want him to do.

"That feel good?"

You whimper. "Yes—ah—it feels good. Please touch me on my pussy directly. Please."

The man behind you chuckles, and your knees buckle at how rich his voice is. You would join a cult for this man. "Since you asked so nicely, I will. Call me Suguru."

His fingers pull your panties aside and enters, soon knuckle deep inside your cunt, and as quietly as you can, you moan his name as he continues fingering you in front of all the strangers on the train. His hips press closer to your ass, and you throb even more at the huge bulge he’s sporting. He’s sloppily licking on the outside of your ear, right where you’re sensitive, and you shiver and lose yourself in the pressure even more.

The pleasure was building in you steadily and Suguru groans. “That’s right, take it all.”

You almost jump when the PA sounds. "The next stop is Shinjuku."

“That’s my stop. You have to cum before then, or you won’t be able to cum,” Suguru whispers in your ear, speeding up and hitting your g-spot with precision. There are tears forming in your eyes as you make an effort to stay quiet, especially with Suguru giving seductive kisses to your sensitive neck.

“Fuck, you got so tight,” he groans. “Gonna cum?” He uses his thumb to rub fast circles on your clit, and you see stars.

“I will—I will,” you cry, as the throbbing and pulsing sensation grows faster and faster until finally, you cum with a muffled cry, because Suguru has his fingers in your mouth to ensure you don’t scream out on this very, very public train. “Squeezing my fingers so much, relax,” Suguru laughs, popping his slick-coated fingers in his mouth. “You gonna do that to my dick next?”

NANAMI KENTO ⸺ BEAUTIFUL WIFE HAS TO FUCK HER HUSBAND'S BOSS! (NTR)

“Mr. Nanami,” you scrape a hand through your hair and clear your throat. “You wanted to see me?”

For a moment, your husband’s handsome boss eyes you down, catching on the top button of your blouse currently unbuttoned. You mainly did it because of nervousness, the heat of the room escalating with Nanami Kento’s presence. After a long bout of intimidating silence, he finally speaks. “I assume you can guess why you are here?”

You bounce your knee as you sit across from the man, and you suddenly start sweating. Of course you can guess. Your bum of a husband—the one currently under your charge—neglects to do his deliverables, choosing to take comfort in the fact that you were his higher-up to trust that he would not be getting terminated for his lack of responsibility.

But what he doesn’t know is that you’ve been begging Nanami not to fire him, despite the propelling and clear reasons to do so. And you fear the day he finally chooses to stop listening to you.

“Team leader, I’m going to need much more convincing. Your team has been decreasing in productivity ever since your husband joined, and it’s hindering the company,” he reminds you stoically. “I’ve seen you working overtime far too frequently to cover up for your spouse’s negligence.”

You wish time would speed up just to get this difficult conversation with. “I—I’m going to be honest, Mr. Nanami. I don’t have much warrant to continue having him on the team, but it would put my family in much…emotional conflict if this were to happen.” The said emotional conflict would really only be from your husband. You’re sure he’s going to take this as an excuse to drink himself silly, blaming you for not being able to keep him employed. Your throat dries as you finally meet eyes with your boss, silently pleading him to come up with a solution.

“I see.” Nanami crosses his arms. “I suppose there is a…favor you could do for me.”

At that, you perk up and nod your head frantically. “Of course. Anything.”

Which is why you find yourself bent over Nanami’s desk, his cock drilling inside you. He’s ripped your stockings, pulled up your miniskirt, and put your panties to the side as he moans about how sweet your pussy feels. “I’ve been waiting for this forever. Tell me, is my cock better than his?”

“It is!” you squeal. “You’re so—so big!”

Nanami moans as he ruts inside you, your walls squeezing him tight. “Darling, I c—can tell he doesn’t treat you right. You are so tight around me, pussy’s been waiting for a while for a real man.”

You moan and curse, blabbering affirmations while his dick impales you. Even though Nanami is the one who’s owed the favor here, his hands wind their way around your body to rub at your clit, simulating you even more, making you sob. “Please don’t stop!”

“I won’t ever, sweetheart,” he pants. “I’m going to finish inside her, okay? Make sure to keep it in when you go home and greet your husband.”

FUSHIGURO TOJI ⸺ BABE GETS IMMEDIATELY DESTROYED IN NAKED WRESTLING (WITH AN AUDIENCE) (find extended ver here!)

Cheers surround you as you step into the arena. You know who your opponent is—-Fushiguro Toji. Even when you looked at his pictures earlier, you knew you were doomed. No matter what angle the photographer took the photos in, his muscles seemed to be bulging, effectively spelling out the sore defeat you were about to face today.

And there he is. Him in the flesh. He’s leaning against the boxing ring’s outer borders, head tilted back lazily while his manager, Shiu, was informing him quickly (and intensely) about the rules of today.

Nothing crazy. Only fuck when all clothes are off of her.

The way his neck is tilted back, compression shirt showing off his upper physique made you weak in the knees already. Additionally, judging based off of the bulge he seemed to be sporting in his grey sweatpants, you knew you were doubly fucked.

Shiu seems to be done talking, so he steps back and takes a seat. Toji leans his head back, rolling his neck to stretch it out, and in the middle of doing so, catches your eye.

You almost drench your panties.

His eyes darken, giving you a sultry look as he cheekily winks. While his cocky demeanor was warranted (he was much stronger and bigger than you), your cheeks heated up in both arousal and irritation.

The sound of a whistle is heard as music starts to play. The stadium’s screens flashes the cocky image of Toji, who saunters in the middle of the ring, flexing his muscles to his screaming fans.

When your signature theme plays, you do the same, to no shortage of fans yourself. You can feel everyone in the stadium, especially your male fans, rove over your figure. You’re wearing a very low cut top that displays the swell of your boobs and even tighter shorts that squeeze your ass and show off the shape of your pussy. As you walk towards Toji, you can feel his heavy gaze on you as you nervously shake his hand.

“Try to last long, okay?” Toji smirks, patting your shoulder. “I’ll try to drag this out as much as I can, but it’s gonna be fuckin hard if that ass is grinding against me.”

You glare at him, but there’s not much intensity there. “Yea, yea,” you huff. “For all I know, you’ll be my personal dildo today.”

And the fucker’s smile widens. “Let the games begin.”

Soon enough, the sound of the whistle draws you towards each other, keeping each other in a lock to tackle the other down in an objective to take off layers of their clothing. Your fans cheer when you have Toji underneath you for a split second, only for female ones to become more riotous as he easily overtakes you, pins your hands down, and wrenches your shorts off of you.

“Toji is currently in the lead!” The announcer’s voice in the stadium echoes of your defeat as you flail around, now bottoms only covered by your panties. Deciding to pull out your signature move, you maneuver so your thighs surround Toji’s waist and hump your hips against his bulge. This momentarily distracts and weakens Toji, and you take full advantage of it by overtaking him and now straddling him. You quickly take off his shirt, salivating at the muscles you see. The whole stadium, in fact, can his abs and pecs glistening with sweat.

Your attention is back to Toji as he chuckles darkly. “You’re going to regret that. I was going to drag this out, princess, but I gotta fuck the brat out of you.” With that, he puts his whole body weight on you and strips you down one by one.

The arena cheers as your lace bra is uncovered, your sweat shining on the screen as your breasts are displayed. Toji then unhooks your bra, and the roars get even louder as your tits pop out. He takes a moment to grope them, your whines ignored as he pinches your nipples. “What a sensitive girl,” he coos. “Too bad she was too weak. Now she’s going through to have to take my cock.

With that, he finally unveils your glistening pussy for all eyes to see and the crowd goes wild, chanting for Toji to finish inside you. Toji flips you over so you’re on your hands and knees and pulls down his pants.

You don’t look back at the monster that’s about to enter you for the sake of your mental health, but your legs are shaking in anticipation of his cock, slick dripping down your thighs.

“Fuck.” And Toji’s slowly entering you, the humiliating plap! plap! plap! of his hips against the flesh of your ass echoing multiple strangers watch your pussy get wrecked. “The fuck this pussy’s so tight for? Thought you were a slut?”

You’re tearing up, but not fucked out enough to prevent you from snarkily replying, “You’re not turning me on, small dick.”

He did not like that very much.

Toji drills his hips into yours faster and slaps your ass multiple times consecutively. “Yea, so why is she clenching so fucking much? Why is she dripping? Just for that, I’m going to come inside of your slutty pussy.”

The crowd chants cum, cum, cum! and Toji just does that. Ropes of his cum fill you, and you drop down in exhaustion to hear Toji declared as winner.

GOJO SATORU ⸺ GIRL GETS FUCKED BY PEEPING TOM NEXT DOOR!

You sigh, extending your back and un clipping your bra, letting your tits bounce free after a long, long week of college. It was finally Friday night, and with no one in the house due to a party the rest of your family was attending, you could finally enjoy your time home on the holidays, starting with a solo session.

You clench your thighs in anticipation as you scrolled your phone, seeking an audio you could masturbate to. And you were close to finding one, until you felt eyes on you.

These eyes were nothing new. The boy next door, Gojo Satoru, has also been your crush since middle school. Even though neither of you have ever made a move, you’ve made bold moves since starting college, stripping with the blinds open to give him a show. You had kind of had a sixth sense as to when the fucker would start watching you, and it flared as you slowly dragged your hands down. Bending over and shaking your ass, you slipped your skimpy shorts down your legs, giving him a clear view of your wet pussy.

But masturbating wasn’t enough for today. None of the college frat bros could make you cum, no matter how much they boasted about their fuckin roster, and you were tired of Satoru just watching. Just seeing him work out shirtless in his lawn, sun shining his sweat to give him a golden halo, was enough to make you sick, hungry for his dick. The way he was so shy and the mannerisms he had (as a loser) let you know he had a big fucking dick.

Needless, to say, you were tired of just fantasizing and speculating about his dick. Turning around, the moonlight allowed you to see the silhouette of his wrist moving up and down his length, even if he had tried to make his best effort to darken his rooms. Putting on your best show of an angry face, you grab your phone aggressively and dial his number.

The line rings, and he picks up. “Hey,” and you can tell he’s a little breathless. “long time no see. What’s up?”

“Cut the fucking act out,” you spit. “I know you’ve been fucking watching me, perv.”

Satoru’s panic is comically obvious over the phone as he rushes his words. “Wait, wait—listen, I—I can explain.”

“On how you’re being a peeping tom?” You glare at his window. “Come over, Gojo. Then I’ll listen to your fucking explanation.”

One thing leads to another, and now you’re spread out on your childhood bed, Gojo whimpering and whining as he plows his dick into your pussy. “You feel so—so good. M’ sorry—sorry for doing that. Your pussy is too good for me to look at.”

You laugh meanly and grab his chin. “You feel sorry yet, you pervert?” And Satoru can only cry out as you yank his head. “Remember, this is the only fucking thing you’re good at. Being my glorified dildo. Got it? Now, you’re going to fill me up only after you make me cum at least two times.”

a/n yea this was depraved….lmk what yall think tho 😭

comment and reblog I’d love to hear your thoughts! (also, requests are open heheh)

NEW: part 2 here!

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