#as someone whos followed them since bu/bc this is so fucking insane for me

[mintens712]

FUCKINF KILLLL ME RIFHT. NOW OH MY FUCKINF FOD

[binders-and-beanies]

Favorite orientation leader moments this year :)

-OLs being asked why they decided to become an OL and one girl said “bc my OL was awesome and I wanted to be that person for someone else” (I was her OL)

-my school does this candle lighting ceremony thing at the beginning of the school year where u light each other’s lil candles n it’s meant to symbolize like the passing of the torch from alumni/upperclassmen to incoming students. And the aforementioned OL was standing in between me and one of her students, so I lit her candle n then she lit the student’s candle n we both like burst into tears at the symbolism of it all. Which we then had to explain to the student n then jokingly harassed him abt being the next OL to continue the cycle

-my boss saying that im like the best at dealing w situations where i disagree w someone and that I won’t go along w smth that doesn’t sit right w me but i also know where to direct the energy in ways that can actually change smth

-my boss saying that when he’s speaking to us as a group he always looks for me bc he knows I’ll always give encouraging energy back

-the strengths based leadership training we do where u do all these activities based on ur top 5 strengths and how they work w each other’s :) it’s hours of talking abt things ur good at n how it shows up which is a confidence booster + my social work major ass eats it up like lowkey might have future clients do it

-the facilitator of the aforementioned training travels the world abt it and yet not only remembers me from last year but remembered what my strengths were + gave me a hug

-everything that’s physical like the ropes course and all the games that involve running around. Both leading and playing it’s so healing to do activities involving the body that are inclusive bc I don’t realize how much I want that until I have it

-also related to the ropes course: my coworker saying “I would trust this man with my life” after i saved them from almost eating shit

-“every time I talk to you I’m like damn I love that guy”

-literally going from day 1 not knowing each other’s names to day 2 psychoanalyzing each other and trauma dumping

-interactions w very cishet men that are gender affirming. Such as when I did well at smth physical and a dude said “bro you were cookin back there” I <3 rejoicing in masculinity w men who are very different than me without having to act like them. I told them that in those words too and they’ve acted increasingly dudebro with me ever since

-my students who followed directions from the literal minute I sent out my welcome email

-we get paired up with a “clipboard buddy” and decorate their clipboard that they use during orientation based on their interests. My buddy from last year is still using their clipboard i made them, and the one he made me is in my “sentimental items drawer”

-^ my clipboard from last year has finn adventure time on it and my clipboard this year has jake adventure time on it. Second one made by a different person who didn’t know about the first one

-the (insanely hot) DEI facilitator asked me how many tattoos I have and I said 55 and he said FUCK

-getting to talk abt disability during said DEI workshop and feeling actually listened to and appreciated

-told my boss I would love to do his job when he retires n he said my degree would work for that, if not here then at another school

-giving a presentation abt dyspraxia :)

-OL hunger games simulator

-we were all on a bus and I yelled “guys that’s my ex’s house” and everyone booed and gave thumbs down

-being a menace with a megaphone (singing badly)

-inflicting the cha cha slide and cupid shuffle upon my students + other cringey games where I get to make them run around and be stupid

-students who take an interest in having in depth conversations w me! Esp the undecided majors actually rly wanted my help in finding some sort of direction academically

-transfer studentsss I <3 them I remember feeling like there was no place for me here as a transfer esp bc of my age, and orientation kinda changed that n now I’m doing that for other ppl

-explaining smth to a student and assuring him he wasn’t the only one having that problem and he said “that’s genuinely a huge weight off my shoulders”

-showing ppl where their classes are!! Sometimes guiding ppl around can be awkward but other times it’s my fave way to connect n they’re so appreciative it’s like ah that’s why I’m here. Been thinking abt applying as a year round tour guide n one girl was so grateful for the help and the good vibes that I literally submitted the application during my break

-during final debrief someone said “I mean this with love. You all are the stupidest people I’ve ever met”

-my insanely cool boss telling me I did a good job n patting me on the shoulder. + his sappy farewell speech

[palmett-hoes]

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

---

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type. 

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky. 

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them. 

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

---

now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[ajokeformur-ray]

✨ Unfiltered Joker thoughts ✨

I watched Joker with a bunch of lovely clowns on my Discord and while they werewolf’d in the chat, I typed out my thoughts here as they came to me. These are unedited, unfiltered, and exactly as they were in my head. I don’t know who’d be interested in this but 🤷‍♀️ who doesn’t love unfiltered thoughts about our man? NSFW ahead in places, lmao and some self-ship elements because it’s always on my mind.

There are Controversial Things within, I’m sure - be nice about it if you wanna comment, or unfollow/block etc. if it bothers you I won’t take it personally. I will take it personally if I’m sent a rude message, though. Fair warning. You curate your own online experience so scroll past silently if you gotta!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Tagging @arthurflecc @jokerownsmysoul @daincrediblegg @sweet-nothings04 bc they were in the chat and missed me there!! 

 Word count: 4, 597.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJO -

*Presses play*

OMG THERE HE IS BABYYYYYYYY ~ 

Ugh that white shirt... 🥵

“paint me like one of your french girls” 👀

oh, honey, no. 

Don’t force yourself to smile, my love, it’s okay. you can be hurting.

sweet angel who can do no wrong asdfghjkl

wanna kiss that tear away...

CARNIVALCARNIVAL CARNIVAL *STARTS SWAYING IN MY SEAT*

jaunty piano to juxtapose his shitty mood

you spin me right round, baby, right round...

ohhh, baby 🥺🥺🥺

someone’s honky lmaoooooo ~ 

that cello

Ohhhh, darling man.... i’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

WOOPS CRYINGGGG ~

sweet angel love still tryna be funy with the flower squirting...

what else will squirt tonight???👀

ohhh, darling. deep breaths baby. it’s okay. you’re okay.

CRYINGGGGG

ohhhh baby boyyyy....

legit just cooed aloud

oh angel <3 

“is it just me or is it getting crazier out there?”

it is my love... it is. 

let me sit on your lap and still the shaking of your legs

ohhhh my love. you’re okay. just breathe.

Dr. Kane was doing her best but you’re beyond what she can handle

you deserve better, sweetheart.

my love, my life.

I JUMPED WHEN HE HIT HIS HEAD IN ARKHAM

“who knows?”

yeah me too, my love. me too. 

“i just dont wanna feel so bad anymore”

oh baby.

i know, my love. i wish i could hold your hand and stroke your hair and kiss your cheeks 🥺🥺🥺

had a shitty day but wants to comfort a child on the bus. thats my manssss ~ <3 <3 <3 

okay but his peekaboo makes me giggle please do that to me when im sad

“‘cuse you bitch?”

the greasepaint still on his face is endearing omg 

GIVE HIM BACK HIS CARD OR IMMA RIOTTTT

CRYINGGGGG 

ohhhh baby. no. deep breaths. i’m here, my love. not going anywhere

those fucking steps

me too, darling. i feel your exhaustion like it’s my own and i long to take it from you without changing a single thing about you.

my love, my life

the weariness of an unchanged routine is a paralysing one

wanna rub cream on your bruises

“yeah, mum” so soft im cry

“eat. you need to eat” i hear you in my head when i wanna skip meals and it helps me.

“oh yeah? who do you talk to?” YES SASS HER

“yay murray” ohhhhh angel you’re so cute I’m cry 🥺

murray you wankstain - old and crusty 🤮🤢🤮🤢

arthur’s laugh in his daydream 🥺🥺

“i love you murray” // “you’re awful murray” baby noooooo

“theres something special about you arthur” the only real thing murrat ever fuckin said AND IT WASNT EVEN A REAL THING IT WAS IN HIS HEAD

“I TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY MOTHER” YEEEES BABY YOU DO! SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

just wantin recognition in your daydreams bc you dont get it in your real life

YOU SWEET THING

HIS SWEET SMILE AND THE CELLO OH BABY 🥺😭

YOUR BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

shoes are too tight so you gotta stretch em 

can you stretch me too???👀🥵💦🔥

“chuckletown” RANDALLS LEGACY AND WE TURNED IT INTO SMTHN LOVING AND NOT SARKY LIKE HE INTENDED LMAO FUCK YOU RANDALL YOU PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIIT

arthur’s hair in the sun omg like a halo

randall fuck off fucking fuck off go aWAY LEAVE MY ARTHUR ALONE

you asswipe

arthurs shy and nervous lil giggle omg baby say no give the gun back its not well intended 

“my boy”  AHA LMAO HE DOES PAY YOU BACK BUT NOT HOW YOU EXPECT LMAOOOO YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE

THOSE CURLS

arthur’s sweet little lilting voice in front of his boss omggggg ~ 

HOYYYYYYT 

his logic makes no sense wtffffff ~ 

RETAIL SMILE LMAO THATS A MOOD 

brewing insanity..... 

POUND ME LIKE THOSE TRASH BAGS

RUIN ME AND THEN REBUILD ME IN YOUR IMAGE 

those mf stairs again

it’s the same old team since 1916... in your head, in your head...

never in my LIFE have i been aroused by a FOOT

lmao only Arthur istg that man is the exception to my every rule

Gigi is so CUTE 🥺

THAT SMIRK SIR CAN YOU NOT

“hey” omggg look at you tryna connect ugh so proud of youuu ~ 

the moon is a silver dollar... 

THOSE CURLS

THOSE BARE FEET

THAT SOFT VOICE

ARTHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 

frances conroy is a goddess omg i love herrrr ~ 

espesh on ahs she’s a queen

but i digress lmao wrong fandom

“dont you have to be funny to be a comedian”

FUCK OFF PENNY 

FUCK RIGHT OFF THEN FUCK OFF SOME MORE PLEASE

slap that bass.... 

FINGERSSS ON THE GUN ASDFGHJ PUT THEM ON ME INSTEADDDD

zoom zoom the world is in a mess

LMAO YEP

“psh” omg you sweet angel asdfghjk

THAT EYEBROW RAISE ASDFGHJK SASSY KINGGGGG

GET ITTTTTT

UGH THAT BODY WANNA COVER IT IN MARKS OF LOVE TO REPLACE THE VIOLENT MARKS

ARTHUR @ HIMSELF “YOURE A GOOD DANCER // I KNOW”

omggggg sweet clumsy babyyyy

lmaooo “old war movie” do you tell penny that when we get caught having sex on the sofa????

arthur honey following sophie isn’t.... the best way to get her attention asdfghjk 

someone needs to teach you social interactions... 

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTTTTTE

that student/teacher roleplay comedian at pogos makes no sense to me???? i dont get his jokes at all

lmao bad comediannnnnn

arthur’s cute lil mistimed giggles ksksksksk 

wanna kiss your cheeks every timmmme 

you’re working so hard to achieve your goals im so so proud of you

ambidextroussss ~ (just like me omg we’re perfect for each otherrrrr)

“people expect you to behave as if you dont” YOU INTELLIGENT LIL SHIT OMG I LOVE YOU AND YOUR MIND

you know its a daydream if arthurs wearing a shirt at home 

his shy “yeah” omggggg ~ angelllll 

“i have a gun i can come by tomorrow” LMAOOOOOOOO 

“youre so funny arthur” YES HE IS DREAM!SOPHIE

CARNIVAL CARNIVAL CARNIVAL

I ACTUALLY STOMP MY FEET HERE BC IM HAPPY FOR THE TIME HES ON SCREEN SWEET CLOWN 

THE ONLY ONE IM NOT AFRAID OF

HES SO SO HAPPY OMGGG

BABY BOYYYY IN HIS ELEMENT

SAD THO BC KIDS ARE TERMINALLY ILL 

bestest party clownnnn 

“I love this job” oh baby 🥺🥺

aaaaaaaaand now the betrayal from randall lmao fuck that dude

NO BB YOUR FOREHEAD NO SMASHY GLASSY

LMAO THE FUCK ERIKA???

dudes 35 not a kid 

throwing greasy chips into a girl’s hair isn’t how to flirt my dude lmao you’re gross??? 

ew

EW EW EW WIGGLE YOUR CHIPS ELSEWHERE

ohhhh arthur, honey no omg breathe it’s okay

you wanna help but you dont know how

you sweet thing 

send in the clowwwwwwwwwwwwwwns ~ 

IM CRYINGGGGG

“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives”

JOEKR ITS NOT YOUR TIME YET GO AWAYYYY

lmao jokes stay you know im lost without you 

HOW CAN YOUR HAIR LOOK SO GOOD AFTER BEING UNDER A WIG ALL DAY ?????

carnival with arthur’s hair is just 👌👌👌👌

WHERES HIS CARDDDDD 

nooooooo omg baby no omg i wish i could take all those punches for you

i’d take it all in a heartbeat to save you

gritting his teeth not taking in anymore

YES BABY GET EEEEEEM

YES YES YES YES STAND UP FOR YOURSELF SO PROUD OF YOU

first 2 self defence, 3rd one unsure lmao but fuck it 

no PUT THE GUN AWAY FROM YOUR FACE BABY ITS OKAY DONT FORGET YOUR BAG OR YOUR WIG ITS EVIDENCE

KILL THE 3RD COVER YOUR TRACKS

GOOD BOYYYYYY

carnival with blood on face = killing your insecurities

8 bullets from a 6 chamber????? mm-hm lmao i know @daincrediblegg wrote a thing on this once lmao bestest Egg is smart and i love her muchly 🥰🥰🥰🥰

run baby run, dont ever look backkk... (check yes juliet)

BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE

fuck me against that dirty counter

joker’s waking uuuuuuuup....

that cello though unffff 👌

got me clenchinnnnn you fluidddd ~ 

and in his eyes, all the sadness of the world. those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore (phantom of the opera)

my brain is 90% song lyrics 

hes so graceful and ethereal so full of pain and of love and of adventure and worth and need and yearning

my sweet boy

my wonderful angel

my fallen angel

T POSEEEEE

DAYDREAM KISSSSS

ugh push me against the wall and shove your hand down my panties and take whats yours 

please and thanks

so confident

so smooth

so sure

unf

take me angel im all yours 

and my name is carnival

SASSY BOYYYYY

I SAY BOY BUT YOURE A MAN LMAO 

YESSSSSS TELL THEMMMMMMMM 

LMAOOOOOO RANDALL SEEMS LEGIT CONFUSED PFFFT

TOUGH SHIIIIIIIT

LMAOOO PUNCH OUT

BUSTING A LUNNGGGGG

HE DOESNT KNOW HIS OWN STRENGTH

OR HIS OWN LIMITS

“DONT SMILE”

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

nothin worse than being told to smile when you really wanna bare your teeth and let rip

aka me every fuckin minute of my life 

SHUSH ME SHUSH ME SHUSH ME

ILL CRY BUT DO IT

LMAOOOOO CHOKE ME WITH THOSE BICEPS 

ILL GO OUT DOIN WHAT I LOVE

YOUUUUUUU 

“gotham’s lost its way” ok trump

“thats not funny” SHUT UP PENNY YES IT IS

STOP SMOTHERING ARTHUR LET HIM BE FREE

“nobody ever saw me. even i didnt know if i really existed”

and

“you dont listen do you”

BOTH ARE MOODS

i feel them so hard

hes so sure of himself in this session

so angry and done and weary

“people are starting to notice” ALMOST A YEAR OF YOU BEING NOTICED

that green jumper omggg 

good luck getting me out of it pfffft 

“erika have you seen my - oh, there it is. never mind.”

want it back???? payment is kissessss

EW SEXIST COMEDIAN

arthur honey stop primping youre perfect <3 <3 <3 

im so so proud of youuuuu

COLLARBONEEEEEES

OMG HE STUMBLES UP THE STEPS DARLINGGG

I wish i could hold your hand while youre on stage and comfort you while you deliver your jokes

just breathe, darling. it’s okay. i’m here, i promise. <3 

every time you gag on your laughter my heart clenches

CRYINGGGGG

oh, my love, it’s okay. just breathe. dont fight it. dont fight yourself 

you’re so good at imitating your ma pfffft 

lmaoooo you’re so funny arthur 

WOO BOI DONT FLASH YOUR PORN PAGES AT THE AUDIENCE 

givin me ideas.... 

SMILE THOUGH YOUR HEART IS ACHING

SMILE EVEN THOUGH IT’S BREAKING 

WHEN THERE ARE CLOUDS IN THE SKY

YOU’LL GET BY

SMILE THROUGH YOUR FEAR AND SORROW

SMILE

AND MAYBE TOMORROW

YOULL SEE THE SUN COME SHINING THROUGH

arthur is my sunshine

EXCUSE ME HEART EYES OMGGGG

ME AND ARTHUR HEART EYESING AT EACH OTHER PFFFFFT 

gonna put people off their food doin that 

thats life

arthur’s imitations and those soft curls and the dancing and the - 

erika.exe has stopped working 

“come on dance with me”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

i prefer the horizontal dance myself...

“big date”

“deliver the letter”

NARCISSISM 

ARTHUR YOU DESERVE BETTERRRRRRRRRR

IS IT BAD HIS EYEBROWS TURN ME ON?? SO THICK AND DARK AND STRONG I - 

and those eyes

ugh fuck meeee ~ 

yes thats an invitation

penny “needs care” but her handwriting is that neat???? yeah fuck off 

sorry i dont buy it

she was grooming him i think into some kinda husband role and its fucking gross as fuck she was abusing him and he just wanted her gone 

CUTE LIL NOSTRIL FLARES BC SAD AND ANGRY

OMG

his quiet anger scares me but i admire how he calmed down so fast

angry penguinnnnn

HE CARRIES HIS CLOWN NOSE AROUND IN HIS POCKET

CUUUUUUUTE

the similar clothing colours of arthur and bruce is v def intentional 

in another life, arthur....

i’m so sorry darling you deserved and deserve so much better

legit one small change in anything coulda prevented 80% of this film

your magic tricks are gorgeous ~ 

you’re so funny and soothing and comforting and so good with kids

you are the best party clown

I GASPED AT THE FLOWERS

like my server nameee ~ 

“hi” that soft noise 🥺

arthur’s hands on those bars omg 🥵🥵🥵

okay i’ll admit i still dont get the whole arthur/thomas thing lmao is he his dad???? ive seen this film 10000000 x and i still can’t decide.

i wanna say he is but like ??? idk ??

it’s tragic either way omg arthur’s wasted in gotham

ruuuun arthur run run runnnnnnnn 

the bg music isss 👌👌👌👌

arthur accidentally caused penny’s stroke bc med w/drawal but all that abuse, like ????? i get why he kept her sedated lmao i’d want her knocked out or smthn too

7 meds between the two of them, probably.... that might be why he wanted an increase???

you gotta lie, angel.

you’re in way over your head but lie

yeeees good boy!!

“a clown thing?“ lmaoooo tell them!!!

NO ITS EXIT ONLY

KINDA LIKE MY ASS LMAO NO ANAL FOR YOU 

he just wants love and comfort and for someone to stay omg you sweet thing 

you deserve the world and all the forehead kisses 

TURN THE TV OFF

TURN IT OFF

TURN IT - 

OH TOO LATE

arthurrrrr ~ 

its like a car crash lmao you know its coming but you cant stop looking

fuck off murrat

FUCK OFF SOME MORE

oooooooh thats a danger face....

lowkey want it between my thighs lmao use me to work out your frustrations i can take it 

“kill the rich” lmao relatable 

this film revealed to me that i have a flexible morality ksksksk im all for it though 

sleepy bb ~ 

“we are all clowns” ALSO RELATABLE

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

arthurs thriving in the crowd omg yes baby looks so happy

flashes of joker comin throughhh... 

sneaky baby...

quick on his feet, light on his sense... 

tread lightly on my ground, (abba; andante)

THE RED THEATRE SUIT OMG FORESHADOWWWW

he looks good in red

he looks good out of red too 👀👀

that is the smile of the world’s most precious angel omg babyyyy ~ 

he makes me smile omg hes my sunshine

my love my life 

you saved my soul do you know that??? do you feel me and how much i love you? do you see me and these tears? 

do you feel me like i feel you?

ohhhhh boy here we go asdfdgfhgjhk arthur going to meet his dad, only asking for love and instead he gets punched in the face

i mean i get it bc of what arthur did to bruce with the whole hands in the mouth thing but bruce is barely mentioned, like an afterthought?

thomas has a nasty temper i wouldnt want him for a dad

thomas legit only mentions bruce after he’s punched arthur its like his only thought is really protecting himself and his rep with the whole penny thing

his son comes after; legit as he’s walking away he mentions bruce so hes obvs not that concerned????

shitty dad award lmao

not that what arthur did is okay im not excusing his admittedly misguided and lowkey creepy actions but like ????

lmao prob gonna get hate for this ^^ like i did last time i mentioned it but i dont care im allowed an opinion

too tired to care rn anyways pfffft its storming so bad outside and my wifi has dipped idk if this’ll save

c’mon wifi, for me... 

yes

arthur didnt have an attack til he got called crazy, its a trigger word for him 😭

oh baby its okay, deep breaths.

dont fight your laughter, that’ll make it worse 

the way he bounces back from that punch though - you know how to take it, dont you, my love?

you sweet thing.

i wish i could get you out of that fridge omg baby those old ones lock - how did you get out ????

meds are wearing off now.....

darling say no to the show lmao you dont wanna go

*facepalm*

every time i watch this i hope it turns out different

it never does

arthur honey dont ask questions you dont want the answers to

that clerk was protecting you not letting you see the file

that clerk and gary were the only ones nice to you

but it wasnt enough

you needed love and support and help and guidance 

and instead you got literal and metaphorical punches and no break

the hand puppet omgggg ~ 

i want him to play peekaboo with me when im sad/upset/make a hand puppet over my shoulder aszdxfcghvjbkn

ohhhhhh darling stop reading stop reading stop reading

put it down. 

this entire scene is confusing and heartbreaking

ive seen this film 10000000 x and im still not sure i fully understand

his laughing is so much like sobbing here

omg moonshine its okay you can cry. let it all out. 

newspaper clips in a real file???? mmmm - unprofessional or arthur’s manifestation of news??

🤔

we love pathetic fallacy in this house

i wanna get you in the shower and wash you down and feed you and wrap you in my warm embrace “i had a bad day”

my dark angel, it’s okay. i’m here. i love you and im staying with you no matter what

sophie was his last hope, his last chance to reconnect

again im not excusing it lmao but im saying i understand him

hes touching everything to experience it for the first time

he knows shes a daydream

hes self-aware but he needs his coping mechanisms

we all do it

not the breaking in, i mean the daydreaming 

“i had a bad day” shatters my black, shrivelled heart 💔💔💔💔💔💔

ohhh, darling.

istg you’re the only person i ever fucking coo at 

finger-guns = reconnecting = remember me see me

but i guess to sophie it came across as ominous/creepy??

poor arthur trying so hard to reconnect to people and he just cant do it he doesnt have the social know-how bc no one bothered to ever teach him

again im not saying its okay im just saying

lmao i hate how i always feel like i have to justify myself even before thats called into question pffft the internet is cruel and prev times ive voiced myself ive been sent rude messages and once bitten twice shy

the sword forgets but the tree remembers

hes sobbign and laughing and its gut-wrenching

that neighbour yelling “shut up” better catch these hands imma square up

have some compassion dickwad

you never know what someones going through so be kind

always always be kind

^^^ film takeaway right there

if looks could kill penny would be 6 feet under

OH WAIT LMAOOOO 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in killing her he sets himself free. but the trauma and the damage done to him leaves him open to more of the same bc hes so vulnerable

that heart-rate monitor went quiet so quickly did he tune it out????

OMG THE WAY HE REHEARSES FOR THE SHOW YOU SWEET MAN OMG YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

sir thats my seat lmao my throne of red

“yeah? all of you? okay” 🤡🤡🤡

us lining up to fuck him into next week 😂

THATS LIFEEEEE ~ 

the fuck kinda hair dye you usin’???

CHOKE ME W THOSE BICEPS

DANCIN TOGETHER IN THE BATHROOM

THOSE HIPS DONT LIEEEEE 👀👀

scissors = pre-med murder but triggered by “my boy” - term used by abusers. 

poor angel’s triggered by lots of things, i think. theres no telling what triggers his violence and thats what makes him dangerous

could be anything and theres also no telling what his “you wronged me” scale is so ??? 

he’s like a kicked dog... lashes out when hes had so much and wont/cant take anymore

“COMING” yeaaaaah i bet....👀

“i stopped taking my medication and i feel a lot better now” GET OUT GET OUT THATS A RED FLAG OUUUUUUUUUUT YOU GO

OOOOOH JOKER’S LAUGH IS OUT - HES MOCKING YOUUUU AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT BOY’S SMARTICLES

this is why arthurs so dangerous. he looks lithe and weak and fragile but he takes down a man twice his size with scissors in one hit

do not underestimate him it’ll be the last thing you ever do

I WANNA LICK THE BLOOD OFF HIS FACE

BRITISH ACCENT ON POINT 

LMAO he’d so mock me for mine 😂

“you were the only one who was ever really nice to me” a moral codeeee; flexible morality like meeee ~ 

okay but he so made gary jump bc he knew gary was too scared to move otherwise

loooooving the gallows humour with the door lock PFFFT

gotham slept on arthur dude’s hilarious

OH OMH OMG OMGOMOMGOMGOMGOMGOKMG JOKER JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY LOVE MY LIFE MY CLOWN MY HUSBAND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

IM CRYINGGGGGGGG

JOKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

I CANT BREATHE FUCK OMFFFFF LOOK AT HIIIIIIM

LOOOOOOOOOK LOOK LOOK ASZDXFCGVHJBKLKJHGFDSZDXFGHJHKJLKJHGFD

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MY LOVE MY LIFE MY JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKER

JOKERJOKERJOKER

LMAO HE’D BE GIGGLING AT ME RIGHT NOW OMGGGG

lmao let randall rot there fuck hiiiiiiim (and not in the fun way)

i want Joker to touch my clit like he did the lift button 👀

ohhhhh look at you having fun on the stairrrs

happy babyyyy ~ 

dancing  towards what you believe to be your death

so glad you changed your punchline at the last minute you didnt deserve to die

SWEET FLAWLESS ANGEL I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

his “oh” when the cops come lmaooooo ~ 

he does that when you grind down hard on him...👀

so used to pain he gets up from being hit by a car and carries on 😔

run baby run...

hes so agile and so quick on his feet

thinks fast too

arthur for fuck’s sake dont you dare stop

you’re almost there, my love.

im so so proud of you

SASSY DANCING ANGELLLL

i love that smug smirk he has and that chuckle omg lmaooooo ~ 

i’d do anything to see you look at me with such pride

ooof you look so angry in the subway but i’d happily cup your face in my hands and smother you in kisses

your eyes red rimmed with tears. youve been sweating and crying ohhhh ~ 

my love omg you didnt want this, you didnt want the riots and you dont know how it spun so outta control and you didnt choose this

i so desperately want to be with you right now

“i dont believe in anything” THATS OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY

I MEAN ITS ALREADY YOURS BUT YOURE STANDING ON IT OUCH

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

“mm-hm” i love that little noise

“i love dr sally” BITCH YOU HAVE A WIFE AT HOMEEEE

“THATS WHAT YOU CALLED ME ON THE SHOW. A JOKER. DO YOU REMEMBER?” THATS SUCH A DANGEROUS LOOK ON HIS PERFECT FACE LMAO MURRAY HAD ONE CHANCE TO CHANGE HIS MIND AND APOLOGISE AND HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT LMAO

fuck ‘em, Joker.

You deserve better

GET

THAT

FUCKING

GUN

AWAY

FROM

YOUR 

FACE

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all that pain in his eyes....

oh, darling. how did no one see you????

his backstage dancing got me 💦💦💦

hes so ethereal and mysterious, so free yet so constrained, so beautiful and so himself

i love him i love him i love him i love him

smile playing as he comes out on stage lmao even now hes being told what to do and how to act

hes never free

spinny baby

you spin me right round...

he suits the stage so well

lmao woop sexual assault (kissing dr sally without consent) isnt a good move Joker but damn what a first kiss...

never thought i’d be jealous of an elderly woman but here we are 🤡

he looks so good under the lights omg so crisp....

wanna mess and smear it uuuuup

~

you’re all being mocked and none of you fucking know it lmao get wrecked

memory problems bcof the notebook + “get it right” - he really cares

ohhhhhh baby come on change your punchline, come on....

okay but that drunk driver joke does make me giggle lmao it’s so out there and honestly my sense of humour is just as dark as his is

i just sHIVERED 🥵

“arthur” HE SAID CALL HIM JOKER DONT BE RUDE

ohhhhh i’m cryingggg 😭😭😭😭😭😭

i cant watch this without crying ohhhh all that pain, all that suffering and all that anger, confusion and betrayal. a mental breakdown on nat tv and no one sees him. how the fuck are you all so blind?????

“mur-rray” LMAO YOU FUCK MY NAME I FUCK YOURS

SAY IT JOKER IM SO SO PROUD OF YOUUU

hes speaking facts

“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives” and that eye roll and groan yes we stan a dramatic CLOWN

this is fucking heartbreaking omg “i dont care about anything” but then he rants in the next minute - so unpredictable and dangerous and untamed but so so pretty in his pain so beautiful and so free

but hes not free... not really

“werewolf” as a verb omg only you could make that work

im so fucking proud of you

“youre awful murray” ooooooooh....

LMAO JOKER’S JOKE BLEW MURRAT’S MIND

hes crying and shaking and no one ??? sees him ???? how????

i legit dont understand how people just dont see him? people see what they wanna see but it’s right there???

he seems almost surprised by the fact he killed him

YES GRAB MY FACE LIKE YOU DID THE CAMERA PLEASE

IN THE WHITE ROOOOOOOOOM

UGH I LOVE THIS SONG SO FUCKING MUCH ITS SUCH A FEEL GOOD SONG

GOTHAM IS SO PRETTY WHEN ITS ON FIRE OMG ITS SO ALIVE

I LOVE THE ENERGY THIS SCENE GIVES OFF

ITS LIKE HOW JOKER HIMSELF MAKES ME FEEL

ALIVE

his little “hi” like they can hear him 🥺🥺🥺🥺

his laughter omggg sweet angelllllll ~ 

“i know. isn’t it beautiful?” YES IT IIIIIS

AND SO ARE YOU

OH NO OMG NO NO NOPEEEE

this scene always scares me even though i know hes okay pffffft 

the birth of joker lmao

be careful with him please hes precious cargo

omggg i wanna sit on that car and wipe his blood away and help him to get home so i can patch him up

lmao im a scaredy cat til my loved ones are threatened then i scare up this fawn bites

i wanna help Joker to get help and support

i wanna love him through it all, the good and the bad

his slow dancing always gets me omg it’s arthur, still there, still suffering, still unseen and unloved

hes crying and hes in pain

blood smile - my inside is on the outside now and it still hurts

he didnt want any of this. he chose his name ubt not what came with it

my poor clown...... 

CRYINGGGGGG AGAIN

HIS GENUINE LAUGHTER SENDS ME OMG ITS SO PRETTY

i wanna make him laugh like that

it always makes me smile omg those cute lil hiccups 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

THATS LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE

i love the audio muted during the scene he sings it omgg it’s so prettyyyy ~ i like to pretend hes singing to me sometimes asdfghjk

metaphorical or literal blood???

hes accepted who he is now.

hes free

dancing in the white light like an angel

i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love hiiiiiiiiiim ~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

~ THE END ~

[mieczyhale]

~TUA Fic Recs~

for the @tuafeedbackfest !!!! there are so many amazing fics bc this fandom really is insanely talented - i wish i had the time to rec all of the ones i’ve bookmarked tbh - BUT as i don’t:: these are some of my favorites (ones i’ve read multiple times, ones that stuck with me, ones that have just a little extra.. Something??)

Amidst the Chaos by crazynadine [explicit. klave. vietnam] Ten months. Klaus spent ten months in Vietnam, fighting a war he didn't belong in, falling in love with a man he didn't deserve.The long and convoluted tale about how a time traveling junkie and a disillusioned solider found love amidst the chaos of war....

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene by @obliqueoptimism [klave. vietnam] Klaus says so many horrifying things so casually, and it makes Dave worry.

Bolt from the Blue by @ancientst / TheArchaeologist [mature. parent!klaus. five as klaus’s son] When they were sixteen Klaus successfully escaped for the night, and to celebrate went to the disco with a girl he barely knew. He was young, terribly misguided, but overall the night had been amazing.He just didn't expect to have a baby dumped in his arms nine months later.

can i be the only hope for you by @dancinbutterfly [explicit. klave. vietnam] Klaus is so special the pull of him is overwhelming. Dave doesn’t think he’s strong enough to resist his gravity. He’s too powerful. And fuck it, Dave doesn’t really want to. or (How a fairly ordinary soldier falls in love with Klaus Hargeeves, superhero, time traveler, and medium)

Choirs Threaten in Voices I Only Feel by @veteranklaus [teen rating. klave. typical hargreeves family nonsense] The last time Klaus saw his siblings was at Allison and Patrick's wedding. A lot had changed since then; including the not-so-accidental, irreversible loss of his sight.There's no time to tell them that, though. Not with the return of their long-presumed-dead brother and the impending apocalypse. Plus, it doesn't matter. He's got Ben as a good seeing-eye ghost.

Eggs Benedict for Breakfast by warmhandscoldheart [mature. klave. feral!dave. protective hargreeves] In which Klaus hits his head hard enough to get retroactive amnesia, and Luther does what he thinks is best.

Everyone Gets Here Eventually by @hermitreunited [mature. klave. ghost!dave. tw discussions of suicide] In the afterlife, all it takes to be with your loved ones is for both of you to want to be together. But for some reason, Dave hasn’t been able to reunite with Klaus, so he’ll do what it takes to find him. 

i’d rather lose my limb (than let you come to harm) by @bluebacchus​ [explicit. klave. au. chickens] How Klaus and Dave find each other in a corner of a foreign field in Flanders, 1917. (WWI AU) OR, A story of love, war, and chickens.

If Your Life Won’t Wait by queenbaskerville [teen rating. major character death. family emotions] When Klaus dies on the dance floor, God kicks him out of the afterlife. But she only kicks him out halfway.

i wore his jacket for the longest time by sharkhette [not rated. klave. tw temporary death] Klaus just wants to see Dave again, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, no matter the cost. Includes conversations with Ben, Diego, God, a surly preacher, and gratuitous references to certain MCR songs. 

Neon Groves by Livijoyann [mature. klave. vietnam] Klaus Hargreeves travels back to the Vietnam War and falls in love with Dave... and we've seen almost none of it so far. Enjoy a full following of Klaus's time in 1968 from the first kiss to the first "I love you", and ultimately, to the end (with just about everything in between). 

Orange is the New Leather Skirt by Doctor959 [mature. typical hargreeves family nonsense. post-s1] A Misfits/Umbrella Academy crossover (no need to know either fandom to enjoy). The Hargreeves land by a certain community center and shit gets weird

The Light Behind A Cloud by @theseance1968 [explicit. wip. klave. vietnam] An account of Klaus’ time in Vietnam, on a diverged path where Dave survives his injuries. Flowered with opportunities, Klaus chooses to leave his old life behind and stay in the past with him. But how will his decision effect the timeline he abandoned, where his siblings continue to fight to stop the apocalypse in his absence?

The Shadows You Leave Behind by rarae [mature. brothers being brothers. tw discussions of rape and consent] The Hargreeves have stopped the apocalypse and have just returned to the real world from training Vanya in Five's weird pocket dimension. Klaus decides he needs to get some of his things to bring back to the academy and drags Diego along for the ride. They run into one of Klaus’ old ‘friends’ and shit goes down.

the war is over, we are beginning by @karturtle [teen rating. wip. klave. 2019. good brother five] The Hargreeves are slowly beginning to fix things after averting the apocalypse, but Five notices that something is still broken

Two Truths and a Lie by twosidedcoin [general. typical hargreeves family nonsense] “I want to go next,” Klaus announced, “Okay. My eyes are brown. I can see dead people, and I once offered sex to a drug lord to get out of his trunk.”Luther’s fist balled the paper into a ball as he snapped, “The point- Klaus- is to make the lie hard to guess.”Allison nudged Luther with her toe as she corrected, “His eyes are green.”

War is Hell by sauropod [explicit. klave. fix it-ish] Klaus' hands were still filthy with dried blood and muck as he fumbled at the clasps, the combination lock on the top. Desperate, blind hope had his heart going a mile a minute. The dial still read that seemingly random set of numbers it had the first time he opened it on the bus, what felt like a lifetime ago. 0213-18-02-1967“Please.” Klaus choked. “Please work.” He opened the briefcase.

Watch The Heavens (They’re Falling Down) by smile_it_will_get_better [teen rating. wip. typical hargreeves family nonsense] He reached under his pillow on reflex, and there was something there, something hard and rectangular and Five couldn’t help but pull it out.It was a package, encased in brown paper, a small tag attached to the side. Five thumbed it over, ignoring Luther’s inquiries about what it said.To Mr. Five Hargreeves, watch these if you want to survive the apocalypse.

We Only See Each Other at Arrests and Bails by icestorm238 [teen rating. brothers being brothers] aka the five times Diego picked up Klaus from the police station, and the one time Klaus picked up Diego.

Where’s Dave? by multifandom_damnation [teen rating. klaus centric. family emotions] Klaus has a flashback during family time and his siblings finally learn about all the horrific shit he's gone through, a heart to heart ensues and Diego proves how good a brother he really is. It's not a great revelation to have

Wild Eyed Boy by intheflowers [not rated. klave. slow burn. vietnam] Klaus dropped into Dave's life with a flash of blue light.It was the first time Klaus suprised him, but it was far from the last, and while at first he’d wondered if Klaus was maybe a little mad, it wasn’t long before he was certain that he really, definitely was.Not that it mattered much. Klaus had stolen his heart long before then. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -    ~FIC SERIES RECS~ It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You) by @thefangirlingdead A series of moments between Klaus and Dave, during and post-season one. Definitely a fix-it universe dedicated to giving Klaus the happiness and love he deserves. Hope There’s Someone (Who Will Take Care of Me) by @siriuspiggyback baby that’s just how i am by princex_N He's the only one who tries to get used to it, because what other choice does he have? The others still wait, still ask when he'll be done playing around, still yell at him for being annoying, but no one seems to stop and realize that there's nothing he can do about it.Klaus gets used to it, but he's the only one who does.

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Series Rewatch (#12)

S3 E12: Born This Way.

Episode description: Dr. Manning and Dr. Choi are faced with a tough decision.

Literally when are they not.

Okay, last episode ended with the first Ava/Connor kiss, so this episode should be a rollercoaster of emotions.

let’s get into it.

- okay, already we’re starting in connor’s apartment, so cue ava walking in bc they slept together?

- i think its hilarious that her casual clothing is.. a flannel. like lmao idk

- it is so unbelievably funny and stupid to have a one night stand with someone you work closely with. i mean come on

- never forget that dr. ava bekker has a fish tank

- this is exhausting. the tentative back and forth is so fucking exhausting

- another bit of evidence. ava is never not confident, and especially not to this extent, and she never follows connor’s lead. so, the fact that she is standing back and waiting for him to make the decision? stupid.

- it screams that she is having a moment of anxiety, which is why she isn’t up to make the decisions in the exchange.

-to be clear: what i’m claiming here is that the only reason ava actually got with connor was bc she was having a moment of anxiety because he was the only person she had built a relationship with after living in this city for six months.

- when connor says that he has plans you can see her fold in on herself. this stems from a place of anxiety

- remember when they did surgery on the panda? that’s when the show peaked

- ava in her lab coat will never not get me. especially with the gloves, running towards a patient (very hot)

- connor still looks kinda looks like a mess but ava is immaculate here like what dude out of your league

- ava asking the family questions (ik this is standard doctor stuff but showing worry, interest, all that jazz)

- okay, see here! here! ava calls connor out, saying that his procedure is too invasive. before, ava’s procedures where invasive, which everyone used as evidence to her being super cold, but now, we see that she purely does what she deems best for the patient at hand

- also, once again, the concern ava feels. you can hear it in her voice. we forget this part of her way too often

- the smile on ava’s face when she gives the family good news. god wept

- and then more concern when connor tells her they need to put him on ecmo

- the reason that ava is frustrated that connor didn’t go with her decision for their patient care is because she truly believes that if they don’t go with her treatment, he will die. don’t make it anything different. don’t argue she’s frustrated because he’s not listening to her. don’t make it anything about their relationship. she puts their patients care first and foremost

- there’s a stark shift in her demeanor when in the room with the parents vs. her alone with connor. in the room, you can see she’s stewing. she’s sucking on her teeth, she’s holding her emotions. she has control, she’s a professional. out of the room, she has full reign to be as mad with connor as she wants, which she does.

-AVA RAN INTO THE ROOM AGAIN WITH THE LAB COAT AND GLOVES AND IDK IT JUST HAS ME FEELING SOME KINDA WAY

- the way ava acknowledges everyone in the room (the nurse just informed them that the drug was running, ava nodded. just a little thing but yk)

- ava shaking her head at this sad, sad man (connor, who is floundering for a solution and misplacing his anger)

- their entire relationship is misplaced anger

- the fact that the last shot of the scene has connor in the foreground looking over the bed and ava watching from the door but ava is the one in focus - some cool cinematography points

- IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE MAGGIE GOES TO JAIL

- med really went all over the place

- JUST THE AMOUNT OF CONCERN ON AVA’S FACE. im gonna say it again. look me in the eyes and tell this women is a psychopath. the med writers are fucking insane

- and when the parents ask ava if she disagreed with connor’s treatment decision, she has every opportunity (and right, frankly) to throw him under the bus and undermine him. but still, she says “it’s a complicated situation.” like. she never ever makes it personal, or loses her head. especially not to a patient. and she doesn’t have to defend connor. he’s made a lot of mistakes, and taken it out on her a bunch of times. yet she’s still nice to him, when he’s not even in the room

- it’s insane

- this is also the legendary scene where she comforts the family. there’s not a lot that i haven’t already said. this is the scene that most exemplifies ava’s humanity, the way she seems to feel, at least residually, what these parents are going through (since she obviously hasn’t gone through anything like this herself [unless.]). the way she kneels down, and gets on the family’s personal level.

- I... okay listen. I absolutely HATE the parallel they pull her between the line “I believe whenever you do something out of love, it can never really be wrong” and connor. especially because they show him when she says that line. and yeah, there’s obviously a connection that can be drawn between the meaning of that line and her sociopathic behavior in s4 and s5.

- it honestly feels like when writing s4, the writers hit so much of a wall they just googled the most ‘iconic’ ava moments and thought ‘how can i use these in the worst way possible?’ That’s honestly probably what they did (ava’s first interaction with connor - ‘you better watch yourself,’ this moment). There is no nuance to her character in s4. it is astoundingly terrible.

- lets move on

- THE WAY CONNOR LOOKS AT AVA HER MAKES ME FUCKING SCARED. HE HAS NO EMOTION ON HIS FACE. I know that we’ve been screen capping ava throughout this series but can someone find pictures of connor looking at ava bc, i need yall to remember how weird he looks

- like, no shade to connor, but just the emotion is undecipherable, but it is in no way a good one

- ava getting concerned (and looking slightly embarrassed) when she sees connor watching her by the door. obviously yeah she’s gonna feel weird you just caught her in a very uncharacteristic moment, outwardly expressing comfort. fucking back off

- i am so fucking protective of her and i demand he no longer look at her. it’s banned

- sam abrams looking at sarah’s dad’s head ct and asking if he’s a criminal. oh boy 

- from a writer’s perspective, the storyline with sarah’s dad is actually pretty good

- ava ran into the room with gloves and lab coat again, if anybody wanted to know

- for the record, want it to be noted, ava was the one who realized that it was an issue with the machine again, so you could say she fixed connor’s mistake, again. so.

- connor making a big deal about handing the reins over to ava (if he really was selfless he wouldn’t have made a whole big thing, he still has an enormous hero complex)

- handing off control was very hard for him. boo hoo get some fucking humility I think they sell it at walgreens

- sarah fucking walking across the ed like she’s going to war. dramatic

- med really said pedophiles deserve rights with this ep huh

- anyway

- the way ava smiles

- the way she smiles when she turns him down. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT? SHE TURNED HIM DOWN. in the aspect of the story i cannot remember why she turned him down, but hey, i’m happy

- and it only further proves my story that the hook up came from a place of anxiety, and this is her realizing how silly that decision was. and her smiling was her laughing at herself for making such a stupid decision

- ALSO. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS DECISION, THE DECISION TO TURN HIM DOWN, HAPPENED IN THE SAME EPISODE WHERE SHE SAID ‘IF YOU DO SOMETHING FOR LOVE, IT’S NEVER REALLY WRONG���

- like she literally says ‘last night was a mistake.’

- honestly, it’s fucking hilarious. connor deserves nothing

- and the confusion on his face when she walks away. hilarious

- if you wanted to take this the reesker route you could argue that the idea of ‘a decision of love’ was ava coming to terms with her slight little crush, though i don’t know how clean it would be if you argue that she panicked and told herself those were feelings meant for connor. idk, i’ll have to think about it further

- watching sarah let herself be betrayed by both herself and the people around in the story surrounding her dad will never not be hard to watch

This was a very good episode, character wise, for all the reasons stated above. It just hammers home the point of how strong a character Ava was. Key word, of course, being ‘was’. My conclusion over the last two episodes is that this specific sexual encounter with Connor was born out of a moment of anxiety from Ava. I suggest that over that last few weeks or days she has been experiencing some amount of anxiety out of having been living in Chicago for six months and only having one interpersonal relationship. So, that idea kind of built where she told herself the reason she only had one relationship was because she was in love with him. Then. after going through the story with this kid and comforting his parents, she realizes that she never actually loved Connor and maybe has a thing for someone else. I’m glad that I keep coming up with more ideas for this character, I was afraid the initial theory was somewhat of a one-off, but this only proves the idea of the complexity to Ava’s character.

I’m sure it’ll get worse from here, though.

as always, thanks for sticking through

-

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Extra

[goldenhour-goldenboy]

The Break Up (pt.2)

(repost bc dumblr loves to do me like that and shit ain’t showing up in the tags)

primordialhandmaidan asked: You know the scene in the Notebook were Noah tell Ally "I want you. Always a forever, all of you" or something like that. Could you write something with that for Will and his S/O?

So, two things first:

1. I haven’t seen the notebook (I know, I know) and I only know like the basic plot a bit, kinda and had to hop over to youtube to watch the scene, which wasn’t that .. it’s not like it’s bad or anything, you know? Just, those kinda movies are mostly way too dramatic for me sooooo … But I liked it. I liked it enough that I can picture it with Will and that’s all that matters and if it’s your fav movie that’s fine as well :) Just putting it out there that I have never seen it from start to finish and therefore please don’t come for me if it’s not “like in the movie”.

2) Because the last Will thing I wrote got an incredible amount of feedback (thank you so much for that, I highly appreciate it!) I mixed the requests for a second part together with this one bc … it worked? Idk it seemed like a good opportunity, lol.

3) This got incredibly long, so I’ve put the rest under the cut :)

Part One | Part Two

It’s odd, you think. All of this is very, very odd to you and doesn’t feel real in the slightest. The noise of the other guests just fade off into the background, suddenly you don’t feel the cold glass of champagne in your hands an, miss the pointe of a joke you weren’t listening to in the first place. All your eyes can focus on is Will across the garden, starring back at you.

It’s odd and you think to yourself you’ve never seen him like this, never expected to have to. Will looks … well, he’s Will so the word ‘thin’ doesn’t feel right but he certainly doesn’t look healthy, he doesn’t look right. You can’t really put your finger on it for a moment. It’s not the weight, he still holds himself up high, shoulder’s square in a tension that he’ll probably never quite get rid off, to deeply impregnated in his mind from the years and years of physical training. It’s not his eyes, shocked yet totally focused on you over the yard, completely ignoring the host and her husband, still grasping the lightly blue package of a present in his hands - his hands.

The memories come rushing back before you get to draw a sharp breath, slapping you in the face with little details you’ve thought you’ve forgotten about him, how he likes this one cup because it just the right size for him his big fingers to curl around it to warm up in the morning. How gentle his knuckles brushed over your cheek, how he used this one balm for his constantly dry skin that smelled like, like - the lost memory jerks you back into reality, back to Will who’s still looking at you and the chatter of people around you.

You blink. It feels as if the world takes a deep breath, inhaling, slowing everything around you down to an almost freeze - before slamming you back into your body. Suddenly you’re aware of the noise and the people around you, every inch of your body on fire and before you know it you’re putting as much distance between you and Will as you possibly can - Will, who’s gripping the baby blue gift so tightly he crunches up the wrapping on the edges. You’re almost at your car, parked on the street out front, when you hear someone following you down the narrow driveway but you keep walking. You don’t want to hear it. Whatever he has to say, you decide, he can keep it to himself.

“Maybe he’s sorry.” A tiny part of you pipes up and you thrust your hand into your bag so hard, searching blindly for your keys, you tear your skin on something sharp. A string of curses leave your lips just as Will starts to speak.

“Y/N - ”

“Safe it.” Your head moves on instinct in his direction but you avert your eyes immediately, barely a glance with hard eyes and an even harder face.

“I just - “

“No.”

His voice drops to the calming tone that used to work wonders. Now it makes you furious. “Just let me -”

“I really don’t want to hear it, Will.” His name slips out in an angry rush before you can think about it and you instantly regret it. His face changes.

“Look, I didn’t want this to happen and I know it’s not fair, but -”

“No.” You put as much force into word it feels strong enough to stop a herd of wild bulls. Something inside you shifts and your barely kept composure crumbles. You explode. “No! None of all of this is fair and it’s not going to get any better so would you just - “You take a shaky breath, trying to lower your voice before you yell down the whole neighborhood.” - just leave me be.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” You feel as if you’re back in the damn kitchen.

“But you did, William. You broke my fucking heart and I’m the one who’s left to pick up the pieces you caused! It took me weeks to get myself off the ground so please, just leave me be and excuse me if I don’t want to be in your presence right now.”

“I’m leaving.” He offers and you can see it in his eyes he’s desperate to grasp anything that he’s able to do. “I’m leaving and you can go back and everything’s going to be fine.”

“No need, I’m not in the mood for a party anymore.”

Nothing follows. You know he’s still behind you, hands probably rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous habit. A part of you doesn’t care that he’s still standing there, waiting. A part of you does. A part of you wonders why he’s hovering all of the sudden. Will was never the one to push you when you told him to stop but now his presence is overbearing with something unspoken. Your hand hovers over the car door.

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

You fumble with your keys. “Yeah, well. Hannah’s been my friend for six years, of course I’d come to her - “ the word engagement gets stuck in your throat, it feels slimy on the back of your tongue. ” celebration.”

A painful expression settles over Will’s face, as if you’ve physically taken a step forward and slapped him. You surprised to not find any guilt about your words hurting him as you reach inside yourself and listen. This has been cooking inside you for a while.

“I don’t want to ruin this for you.” Will swallows, his voice becoming calm. The smoother he gets, the more angrier you get. “I don’t want you to leave because of me.”

You scoff. “You didn’t mind me leaving the house a few months ago.”

Another slap to Will’s face. You can see his jaw work, teeth grinding from suppressed emotions. You hope there’s guilt involved in the mix. “Y/N…”

“Don’t.” You draw a deep breath. “Just … let me go.” This time you bite your tongue before another snappy remark makes it past your lips.

“It hurts me as well.”

“I doubt that.” You mouth tastes bitter. “And I truly don’t care.”

“I think I’ve made a mistake.”

You freeze. Keys in hand, eyes on the hood of your car, you freeze.

Will breaths out and repeats. “I think I’ve made a big fucking mistake.”

You’re sure you grip the door so hard it has your fingers imprinted on the door for forever now. Thoughts rush through your head, an insane amount of questions but none of them make it past your lips. Will takes you not taking off immediately as enough encouragement to continue on.

“I was a fucking idiot that week and I … I got inside my head and somehow convinced myself that this. “He gestures between you and him. “Couldn’t work and I got - I was so sure we’d just end up hurting each other. I really thought I was doing the right thing but ever since that night it just … it doesn’t feel right anymore.” A rasp makes it’s way into Will’s voice and now your eyes sneak back to him. “Nothing feels right anymore. I thought this was wanted I wanted but … it’s not. It’s just not.” He takes another breath. “It’s you, it’s always been you. I know I fucked up, I know that now and I’m sorry. I did this terrible thing to you, to us and I can’t take it back. I just wish I …” He stops. There’s nothing more to say.

It feels like someone dunked you underwater, the flood of information simply being too much for you to comprehend. You can’t help blow out a breathy, unbelieving laugh. “What am I supposed to do with that now?” You’re eyes look around the driveway helplessly. “What the fuck do I do with that, Will?”

“I just wanted you to know. Maybe to know that I’m just as fucked up from this.” Will’s face has softened, his breathing coming back to normal and although doubt still lingers at the back of your mind he somewhat looks relieved. “It’s all.”

He’s stretching his limit and he knows it. His words echo in your head, over and over again like an avalanche rushing down your body and ripping off every band aid you’ve so carefully applied in the last couple of weeks, feelings purring out of the cut as you still stare at him. Will retaliates quickly before you work yourself into another moment of panic, taking one calculated step forward with his eyes steady on you.

“This is all, I promise. I will leave you now, you can go back to the party or go home and we’ll never speak of it again.” The thought, weirdly enough, turns your spine to ice.” But if you don’t want that, if there’s some part that’s still not done and doesn’t hate me completely …. then let me call you.” He studies your face, letting his words sink in for a moment before speaking up again. “I’m in town till the end of next week. And then again in a few weeks. Whenever you like.”

And there he is - the William Miller you’ve known for years, who just knows that this is as much as you can take for one night, who gives you time and space because it’s what he does, always suggesting, rarely pushing. His voice gets low and gentle, sliding over to you and cradles you in that warmth you’ve been so used to. His eyes are searching your face for any sign at all, eyes underneath thick lashes you remember so well.

“I’ve changed my number.” You mumble but even to your ears it sounds more like an excuse.

A small smile slips onto Will’s face and you think this is the last straw for you, before your knees buckle and give out but he wipes it off a second later. “Yeah, i’ve noticed that.” His hand slides to the inside of his jacket and he offers you his phone.

You stare at it. The sentence stirs something inside you, a tiny spot glowing in your chest, warm and … hopeful. You grab Will’s phone from his out stretched hand and punch your digits into the phone before it has the chance to grow into something more. As you hand it back your fingers brush against his palm and this time you have to bite your cheek to ignore the stirring.

It’s odd, you think pulling out and looking into the review mirror one last time, how you can be angry at him this much and still hope he calls.  

[wingedbears]

Body Paint Between Friends

By XxmerthurcatxX

@callmelilyshameless

Summary:

Steve was content to pine for his roommate from afar, but with the help of a topless model, body shots, and an art project, he might end up with more than he bargained for.

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

STEVE HAS GLASSES??? MY WEAKNESS OMG HOT BOYS ARE ALWAYS HOTTER WITH GLASSES

Also, I like the implication that Steve’s neighbor has naked ladies in her apt too. WAIT MRS BLEAKER IS THE ONE NAKED.

“You must be the roommate,” the girl said, not looking particularly bothered by the whole situation.

Billy has a topless girl in his apartment and talks about Steve. This is clue one, Steve!!

“We just started anatomy in our class,” Kim explained, since it appeared Billy was too focused on his sketch to give Steve the details. “So, I’m posing for him and then he’s gonna pose for me.”

Okay, as a former art student, the set up is legit. Like there’s the switch where we can go: this is an interesting body! Cool! And then: THIS PERSON IS NAKED.

If he fell asleep thinking about the way Billy chewed his thumb when he was analyzing his work, then that was his business.

Steve, you sweet summer child, I, I just. Please.

Okay, so maybe Steve had a little crush on his roommate, and maybe it killed him a little that Billy wasn’t exactly available.

I LOVE THAT THIS LINE IS IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY:

“What are you thinkin about over there, pretty boy?” Billy asked over dinner that night.

STEVE. STEVE THIS IS CLUE TWO. omgggg OMG. I’M not even like halfway done, these boys are killing me with how goddamn DUMB they are.

“Kim’s not my girlfriend,” Billy told him, giving Steve a look like he was missing something totally obvious.

OH HE IS, BILLY.

There were body shots happening in the living room.

oKAY, legit question: will Steve die of horniness? Or embarrassment? Bc Billy is filled with terrible ideas.

standing so close Steve could smell his cologne. Aramis. Because what the fuck else would it be.

Aramis. OMG. okay, for those who don’t know, here’s a blogger’s apt review of it: ...but this gold-chain wearing, red-blooded, hairy-chested porn-stachioed cologne is a one-night-stand in a bottle.

It's the scent equivalent of Burt Reynolds' Cosmo centerfold in the 70s: smiling, naked and leering  on a bearskin rug. (In fact, I bet the perfumer was given something along the lines of this perfume brief: "Make it smell like Burt Reynolds' chest hair as he reclines naked on a Naugahyde couch.") Aramis is good natured and friendly, but it still wants to rip your clothes off and get it on.

I also love that Steve is the Ben Wyatt of the household lmao.

Apparently it was Billy’s turn in the body shot rotation. He’d unbuttoned his maroon shirt, the one that Steve had fantasized ripping off him a dozen and a half times, all the way and was laying with his arms stretched over his head while he waited for whoever was gonna do the shot.

OMG RED ALERT, SHIT, IT’S GOING DOWN EVERYBODY REMAING CALM

Taking the tequila bottle from Kim’s hand, Steve moved to stand at the side of the table, resisting the urge to grin when he saw the way Billy’s eyes widened in surprise. It made for a funny picture, what with the lime in his mouth.

Fuuuuuuuckckkkk adkalsjdflkajeeirh[ewihr!!!m asdi

Steve summoned up his old “King of Hawkins High” courage, tipping the bottle and splashing the liquid over Billy’s stomach, taking care that most of it ended up in the dip of his navel. With a hand on either side of Billy’s head, Steve leaned in, licking a long stripe up Billy’s neck to catch the salt on his tongue. His heart skipped a beat when Billy let out a soft whine, right next to his ear.

He slid down the other boy’s body, aware that people were watching them now. How could they not when Billy was staring at Steve with heavy lidded eyes, chest heaving as Steve dipped his head to drink the tequila straight out of Billy’s belly button. Steve didn’t miss the way Billy’s muscles twitched under him. The way his abs quivered and his breath hitched, hips twitching almost imperceptibly but oh, Steve noticed.

IMS SO .A JJUST HIE WHINEEEEES?? i’M TURNED ON AND NEED A MINUTE HANG ON PEEPS hooooooooo boy.

He cleaned up quickly and got ready for bed before the shame of it all could set in, unaware that someone had been listening right outside the door.

Who could it be? hmmmmm. Also, Steve, the above scene was like, clue 3, 4, AND 5. Please, it’s time to get on the clue bus.

The crop top was grey with long sleeves, the Everlast logo written in big black letters across it. It stopped just below Billy nipple line and god, Steve wanted to slip his hands underneath it and— Billy snapped his fingers in Steve’s face, bringing him out of his crop top fantasy.

IN THAT MOMENT WE WERE ALL STEVE

There was something intimate about Billy putting his art on Steve’s body. Using him as his muse and his medium in one. Steve could feel himself getting hard, something he knew would be difficult to conceal since he was wearing a pair of sweatpants.

Billy: likes Steve Steve: turned on by this

….pressing a kiss just below Steve’s ear, his fingers sliding down the front of Steve’s sweats and-

“Wait!” Steve cried suddenly.

Billy pulled his hand away like he’d been burnt.

Lemme say, I love and respect you, Lily, bc I love consent, also Im so turned on this is not cool when is bILLY gonna stick his hand down my pants

Billy had requested he leave them on while he “rode him into oblivion” (Billy’s words, not Steve’s.) It was great in theory, but by the end of it they were so fogged up he couldn’t see a damn thing.

Lmao been there, Steve.

“Don’t know how you didn’t know I liked you,” Billy grumbled, tracing patterns across Steve’s chest.

yEAH. Billy’s kinda OBVIOUS. STEVE, you’ve finally solved the case, thank fuck.

LILY, this is sooooo goood, and the sex was insanely hot I died. Like, my soul left my body for a solid 5 minutes, and came back to sweet fluff. Thank you for hitting all the kinks: mutual pining, dumb steve, lil shit billy, GLASSES, FUCKING HOT HANDIES AND BLOWJOBS. You’re amazing, thanks for writing!!

LINK

[holsthoughts]

t h r e e

this post, entirely about gabbie hanna. which is very fitting considering i associate the number three with her.

where to start? i suppose at the beginning. that being september 2016.

i don't remember exactly when but sometime before drop the mic tour i fell in love with her videos, and i mean i fell fuckin hard lol. i just connected to her on a way i didn't really understand as a just-turned-sixteen-year-old girl. anyway, the first video i remember being posted after i started stanning was ‘how social media ruins relationships’ a dance video, that gabbie rarely posts but has stuck with me as my first proper memory of her. and the beginning of something mad.

if anyone reading this doesn't know gabbie (hi, were have u been?) she's a youtuber. she's the gal in my icon <3 not only is she a youtuber she's also. musician (currently with six (technically 7) songs out and an album called ‘this time next year’ on the way), author (of adultolescence which reached number 3 (three, see?) on the New York times bestseller list, with book two on the way also), illustrator (of said ny times bestselling book and various other designs), tv host (for a while on the revamped TRL) and so much more but of course i'm biased and could go o forever so i'll leave it there.

after deciding to subscribe and do the general social media stalk of and internet personality of someone i’ve just found i was obsessed and over two years later, still am <3

i changed my twitter @ to a gabbie fan account, made friends (with some of the most amazing people) and just felt so at home. sounds crazy but it was like something clicked and not only did i fall in love with gabbie, i also fell in love with her community.

january 2017; something past 2am, i'm awake for some apparent reason and gabbie goes live on live.ly (i know, long ago) of course i join and this is where I got my first gabbie notice (which i know isn't everything but it was something so heartwarming knowing that after a couple months she saw me) she did this emoji game where she’d act out an emoji and the first person to correctly guess and send it in the chat would be ‘best friended’. in this stream she also announced that she’d be coming to london for summer in the city.

summer in the city is a video convention in the uk (obv) in august, this was suuucchhh a big deal as i was already planning to go and the fact that she’d be there was the BEST feeling ever. in the time between she announced and it finally came around i got my follow from her on twitter (which also has a cute story behind it - i made a deal with my step dad, if I got an A in any of my january exams (which i was getting the results for on March 3rd) he would buy me my ticket to sitc. so of course i was v nervous, went to bed - or at least tried to - the night before and work up on the third to gabbie’s follow, which probably doesn't sound like a big deal so literally everyone else ever but it just felt like a lil ‘good luck, u got this’ from her which meant frickin everything. so i got an A, therefore got my ticket and was so ready for august.

august 2017; the fourth of august, my mam, joel and i set off to london on the mega bus. me excited as anything as i was on my way to london after not having gone for about 6 years, getting ready to see three of my best pals (who i was meeting for the first time the next day because of gabbie) and also preparing myself to see gab irl for the first time ever. right as i saw about to try and sleep i got a message from a twitter mutual of a video of gabbie saying hi to me after they’d met her at their hotel lobby, i lost my mind and couldn't sleep after, naturally. the fifth of august, i got up in a shitty ibis budget hotel room in barking early af to get ready and make sure i looked presentable to go to the excel (which was an hour away on the tube, nightmare), went to breakfast and was too nervous to eat lmao (not like me AT ALL) and then we were off. i met chaz first, then eli then toni who where the best company that weekend and i'm so grateful for them. we waited two hours at main stage for the comedy panel to be able to get front row to see gabbie at her first sitc 2017 panel which was crazy emotional. i screamed, laughed, cried (yes, cried) and lost my fucking mind at gabbie literally jumping off the fucking stage and run over to chaz (who i was standing next to) and hugged her and then toni. frickin insane dude. we had such a good day and were all buzzing to se meeting gabbie the next day. the sixth of august, maybe my favourite day of my entire life <3 we ended up leaving the hotel late which wasn't fun considering gabbie had a panel at 12 and of course we wanted to get front row. chaz managed to get there first and toni and i joined her, the doors opened and we (along with the 15 others who also wanted front row ran to the queue, literally RAN and i do not run usually, sis made an exception for my fave <3 anyway we got front row and eli (who was late) sat behind us and we watched gab so sooo well. she kept looking over at us and making cute faces, looking right fuckin at us whilst mentioning her community and projects etc. and she done so fuckin well when hazel hayes (a knob) literally came for her for absolutely no reason, which tuned into a joke lol. next, another main stage panel which we got to second row for since we were late as the schedule didn't have that panel on it LOL (ty for that sitc) next, my fave part, getting legend herself<333 toni and eli went earlier than chaz and i because they had to leave early. chaz and i tried to wait until last but some bitchy af girls were doing the same and we heard that she might have to leave early so joined the queue. meeting her; my favourite moment ever. has went first and i stood recording until gabbie says to chaz “ya who’s the rest of the squad” making me lose me mind internally LOL, i knew she knew about us since chaz had dm’ed her saying and gab had said that she was looking out for us in the crowd of panels AWW. chaz said about how eli and toni had come earlier and then said “so its just me and holly left” and at that moment gabbie looked at me, right into my fucking soul and said “hi holly!” and opened her arms to me <333 OUCH IM SOFT. she was and still is the best. we had a cute AF lil convo where she told the security (because they were looking at us stupid bc of how excited we all were and also bc she spent so much longer with us than anyone else lmao) that chaz an i “are twitter icons” which i died at ouchie. she then complemented my hair (which i’d dyed purple and blue to match hers - cringe, yes - to then find out she dyed hers blonde a week before london LMAO of course. i told her how i also got my nose pierced bc of her and she told me “you gotta do all these now” showing me her ears that had SIX new piercings that she’d got for a vid that wasn't out at the time, saying “next time i see you, next year, you better have five” which of course i did literally five days after meeting her lol, love that for me, even though i didn't see her the next year (ouch)

skipping a lot but gabbie truly means so so much to me, and this for sure won't be the last time i do a post about her. she truly deserves the world <3

- h

[fiirelords]

TAG GAME BONANZA!!

I’ve been tagged in a shit-ton of games and I haven't done them bc I’ve been busy (but the real reason is bc I’m trash™) so I’m just gonna post them all here under the cut; if you tagged me in any of these, I’m tagging you to do another one, choose whichever you like (or all of them lmao)(or anyone else who wants to do it, just say I tagged you lmao)(also people from nataliesroyalfamily and my bimblebubble fam u are tagged) do feel obligated to do it, this is not optional. (there’s a dot at the end, that’s how we know it’s official)(also I might have already answered to yours before, but idk to which (oops) so yeah :)) I spent a lot of time on this, I’m exhausted, please at least read it and get to know a bit more about me :))

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

Tagged by: @opuggno​, @sirjsblack​ @njmphadora​ @simplywolfstar​, @tlnagoldsteln​ @billspotts​ <33

Name | ana Nicknames | most people just call me ana or *cringes* ana lourdes *sigh*, my mom calls me anita, my friends call me shitface, dog or bitch, @njmphadora​ and @findfyre​ call me ana banana (but I secretly, ok, it’s not that much of a secret, but I hate bananas)(or any fruit for that matter)(shhhhhh don’t tell them!!),and that’s about it Zodiac sign | aquarius Height | 1.65m or 5′4′’ Orientation | Straight Ethnicity | latin american Hogwarts house | ravenclaw  Favourite fruit | limes Favourite season | idk ok?? either fall or winter Favourite book | harry potter Favourite flower | I’m not really a flower person, I just don’t get it?? they’re just plants that smell like plants lmao Favourite scent | cleaning supplies, permanent marker (u know, the ones that smell nice), books (old and new), lime juice lmao, freshly baked cookies, fries (ofc) and idk what else Favourite colour | idk. black?? white?? it might be white bc it’s so neat?? but black is bold af asdfghds idk Favourite animal | cats?? turtles?? the fish emoji?? foxes (like dayumn) idk Last thing you googled | froot loops (my friends thought it was fruit loops lmao) Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa | ICED tea, hot cocoa, never coffee Average sleep hours | 3-4 hours (I should sleep more Cat or dog person | both lol (I love pets!!) Favourite fictional character | James Potter?? Number of blankets you sleep with | one Dream trip | london Blog created | December 23rd 2016 Number of followers | 1936 (excited but idk what to do for 2k!!)

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. I was tagged by @quidditchplayer​, @hagridsrubeus​ <33

1. coke or pepsi: COKE!!! (VANILLA COKE IS LIFE!!)

2. disney or dreamworks: disney


3. coffee or tea: ICED tea


4. books or movies: both! but tbh I have been watching a lot more movies than I have been reading books!


5. windows or mac: mac 

6. dc or marvel: MARVEL!! (sorry dc!! I still love you <3)

7. x-box or playstation: where’s nintendo though?? bc I still own a super nintendo lmao and a nintendo 64 does this make me hipster/vintage or smth??

8. dragon age or mass effect: … *cricket chirps in the distance* idk what this is lol


9. night owl or early riser: definitely night owl

10. cards or chess: cards
!! (I actually have a playing card collection lmao)

11. chocolate or vanilla: most of the time chocolate

12. vans or converse: converse


13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: ummmm *more crickets come bc idk what this is either*


14. fluff or angst: angst I guess?? idk, it’s more entertaining lmao

15. beach or forest: idk, sorry… beach??

16. dogs or cats: both!!

17. clear skies or rain: clear skies


18. cooking or eating out: getting food (specially junk food)(McDonalds is life!!)

19. spicy food or mild food: I don’t eat spicy food, but I do eat this spicy sauce powder called tajín, I love it!! I have an obsession and it’s getting out of hand!! I have like 4 regular sized bottles, a big one, and a fun sized one…

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: we don’t celebrate halloween (which sucks) so christmas 

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too cold
!!

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be? shape shifting (I’m copying megan’s answer lol)(we are clones, so I guess it’s ok)


23. animation or live action: both!1 I am not choosing here!! just no!!!!

24. paragon or renegade: *more crickets come in, they start getting cozy, bring out some wine bc a party is starting*

25. baths or showers: I don’t understand baths tbh (just like music and flowers…) so showers


26. team cap or team ironman: team avengers!! (I may or may not have cheated…)


27. fantasy or sci-fi: fantasy??

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: I don’t get quotes either lol I’m bad at humaning

29. youtube or netflix: both!! I’m such youtube trash tbh and netflix as well

30. harry potter or percy jackson: H A R R Y  P O T T E R !!!! (duh)

31. when do you feel accomplished: when I win
 (omg megan!! same!!)

32. star wars or star trek: S T A R  W A R S


33. paperback books or hardcover books: hardcover (I can hit so many people with them)(my friends love me ok??)

34. to live in a world without literature or without music?: music lol

35. who was the last person to make you laugh? @siriusblsck​ with her twitching eye

36: city or countryside? city

37: favorite chips? Caribas


38: pants or dresses? los pantalones


39: libraries or museums? idk, libraries I guess


40: character driven stories or plot driven stories? idk idk idk

41: fairy tales or mythology? not much into these

42. pen or pencil? PENS!! but math is done in pencil people!! 

43. toilet paper over or under? OVER IS THE RIGHT WAY!!!

Rules: tag nine people you want to get to know better

tagged by @hogwarts-underground​, @lilyevcnz​, @billspotts​, @tonqs​, @shriekingshxck, @thatmarauderer :)

Relationship Status: single

Favourite Colour: black or white probably

Lipstick or Chapstick: chapstick, I don’t own any makeup

Last Song I Listened To: idk

Top 3 TV Shows: I don’t have a top 3 but you can check out my common room aka tv room and see which ones I have in the faves category I guess

Top 3 Characters: don’t know (I’m bad at faves)

Top 3 Ships: HP wise Jily, Romione, Wolfstar

Books I’m Currently Reading: the same 3 books I’ve been “reading” since december lmao, What if? by Randall Monroe, The Thing Explainer by Randall monroe as well and Gravity Falls Journal 3 (such trash™)

i was tagged by @lunalocegood​

rules:

you can only say guilty or innocent.

you are not allowed to explain anything unless someone asks you.

tag 10 people.

asked someone to marry you? innocent kissed one of your friends? innocent danced on a table in a bar or tavern? innocent ever told a lie? guilty had feelings for someone whom you can’t have? innocent ever kissed someone of the opposite sex? innocent ever kissed someone of the same sex? innocent kissed a picture? innocent slept in until 5pm? guilty af fallen asleep at work or school? guilty af held a snake? innocent been suspended from school? innocent stolen something? innocent done something you regret? guilty laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose? guilty caught a snowflake on your tongue? innocent kissed in the rain? innocent sat on a roof top? guilty sang in the shower? innocent been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? innocent slept naked? innocent made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? innocent been in a band? guilty (does backup singer for 1 song count?) shot a gun? innocent donated blood? innocent eaten alligator meat? innocent eaten cheesecake? guilty have/had a tattoo? innocent been too honest? guilty ruined a surprise? innocent ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you can’t walk after? guilty erased someone in your friends list? innocent dressed in a man’s clothes? guilty dressed in a woman’s clothes? guilty joined a pageant? innocent been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? guilty?? still have communication with your ex? innocent cheated on someone? innocent got totally drunk one night when you had an important exam the next morning? innocent a total stranger treated you by paying your fare? innocent got so angry that you cried? guilty tried to stay away from someone for their own good? innocent actually murdered someone? innocent thought about mass murder? innocent actually committed a mass murder? innocent rode in a stranger’s vehicle? guilty (do cabs count?) stalked someone? guilty had a girlfriend? innocent had a boyfriend? innocent totally drunk during a holiday? innocent

tell us one favorite character from ten shows and tag people

tagged by @njmphadora​, @zabiniblaisee​

friends: chandler bing

sherlock: sherlock

gossip girl: blair waldorf

himym: barney stinson

parks and rec: andy dwyer or april ludgate

the office: dwight schrute 

white collar: neal caffrey

pretty little liars: aria montgomery

suits: mike ross

brooklyn nine-nine: jake peralta

put your music on shuffle, list the first 9 songs and your favorite lyrics from each, then tag 9 people

i was tagged by @njmphadora​, @tonqs​, @euphemiapottcr​ @zabiniblaisee, @percweasly, @lilyevcnz, @anything-with-strawberries (I know it’s not the same game!! but I’m tired lmao)

sidenote: I’m gonna suck at this one bc I don’t listen to music :) (also I swear I have some other music ok?? my phone just really wanted me to listen to la la land and popstar lmao)

1. confucio - el trio de los tres

era un chino japonés, era el gran maestro kong, ganaba en el boliche, badmintong y ping pong, en la pista de baile no tenía comparación, ser el mejor en todo era su ilusión

2. another day of sun - la la land soundtrack

without a nickel to my name, hopped a bus, here I came, could be brave or just insane, we’ll have to see

3. mona lisa - the lonely island

mona lisa, you’re an overrated piece of shit, with your terrible style and your dead shark eyes, and a smirk like your hiding a dick what the fuck is this garbage?

4. city of stars - la la land

A look in somebody’s eyes To light up the skies To open the world and send it reeling A voice that says, I’ll be here And you’ll be alright

5. incredible thoughts - the lonely island

TV is free, but what is the cost? We have GPS and yet, we’re still lost A carrot in the desert, a camel in the garden A man with giant ears begging your pardon bonus: Imagine if a fish could play guitar And also sing, it would sound bizarre like My name is Mr. Fish These guys thoughts have granted my wish

6. rap god - eminem

But look at the accolades these skills brung me Full of myself, but still hungry I bully myself ‘cause I make me do what I put my mind to When I’m a million leagues above you Ill when I speak in tongues But it’s still tongue-and-cheek, fuck you

7. hey there delilah - plain white t’s

Hey there Delilah What’s it like in New York City? I’m a thousand miles away But girl, tonight you look so pretty Yes you do Times Square can’t shine as bright as you I swear it’s true

8. the greatest - sia

I’m free to be the greatest, I’m alive I’m free to be the greatest here tonight, the greatest The greatest, the greatest alive The greatest, the greatest alive

9. I’m so humble - the lonely island

I’ve got it all and I’m gettin’ more But I never fall, beat 'em all Cause you know I’m so humble I’m so humble, I’m so humble I’m a superstar, I kick down the door Got the money and the girls And I’m also so humble I’m so humble I’m so humble, I’m so humble

tagged by @fleuvrdelacour​, @ameljiabones​, @kingscross​, @thatmarauderer, @opuggno

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing.

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined (kinda lol)(I’m fatty bc junk food)

I have or have had braces

There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin

I am an introvert

I like meeting new people (sometimes)

People tell me that I’m funny (More like I tell myself that I’m funny)

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

Fandoms are my #1 passion

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m in a relationship

I have a celebrity crush

I have a crush on someone I know (counting crush as my boyfriend)

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CDs

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages fluently

I have made a new friend in the past year

get to know me (better!)

I was tagged by @quidditchplayer​, @kingscross​, 

Blog: @oblviqte​

(nick)Name(s): ana, anita, shitface, ana banana (I still don’t like them…)

Preferred Gender: female

Star Sign: aquarius

Height: 1.65m or 5'4”

Sexual Orientation: straight

Favourite Colour: black or white or both

Favourite Animal: all animals!!

Cat or Dog person: both!!

Favourite Fictional Characters: ugh idk lmao

Number of blankets I sleep with: one

Favourite Singer/Band: none

Dream Trip: london

Dream Job: systems engineer/ programming, coding all that jazz 

When was this blog created: december 23rd 2016

What made you create this Blog? HP IS LIFE!!

rules: list ten of your favorite people from ten different fandoms and then tag ten people!

I was tagged by @ameljiabones​

1. James Potter (HP) 2. I can’t choose an avenger, I’m sorry I love them all (MARVEL) 3. eleven (STRANGER THINGS) 4. Jake Peralta (B99) 5. Dipper and Mabel (bc they are both me af!!) (GRAVITY FALLS) 6. Marty McFly (BTTF) 7. Peeta Melark (HUNGER GAMES) 8. aslan (NARNIA) 9.  Sherlock (SHERLOCK) 10. Spencer Reid (my bby omg I love him so much why is he not real??!)(CRIMINAL MINDS)

I was tagged by @billspotts​

Star sign: Aquarius

Favourite musical artists: I’m super weird and don’t really listen to music aah

Song stuck in my head: the la laland soundtrack is stuck on my mind forever!! (pls send help)(I hum while I take exams and people look at me!! heeeellplp!!)

Last movie i watched:  idk man, the last movie I saw was probably la la land lmao (I need to watch some movies!!)

Last TV show i watched: Skam

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

Lucky number: 3, 7, 618

Favourite characters: at this point just scroll up lmao

Favourite fruit: limes

Favourite season: winter or fall

Favourite colour: black and/or white

Favourite animal: all animals

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa: ICED tea

Cat or dog person: both!!

Dream trip: london!!

tagged by @kingscross​, @hufflefck

What is your name? ana

How old are you? XVI

What houses are you in? ravenclaw

What kind of blog do you run?  idk, HP/multifandom I guess??

Your patronus? rottweiler

wand core? phoenix feather

Your Pottermore house results? Ravenclaw

Ilvermorny house? Wampus

Which book is your favourite? idk

Which book is your least favourite? hbp??

Which movie is your favourite? idk

What is your least favourite movie? sfx wise ps lmao but leaving that aside, idk

What is your favourite quote?I’m not a quote person

Favourite Potter? James Potter

Favourite Weasley? Fred weasley or Charlie, Charlie is cool

Favourite Malfoy? Draco Malfoy.

Favourite Black? Sirius Black.

Favourite Marauder? Remus Lupin (bc I already put everyone else lmao)

Favourite Golden Trio? Hermione Granger.

Favourite Silver Trio? Neville Longbottom

Favourite female character? Hermione Granger

Favourite male character? James 

Favourite professor? Lupin ofc

Favourite House? Ravenclaw

Which character do you dislike the most? snape and umbridge, but snape more, fuck that guy

What ships are your favourite? Jily, Romione, Wolfstar, Remadora (but not the way it happened in the books), Deamus, flintwood, Hinny

If you could make up your own house what would be the traits?tbh, idk

What would your Amortentia smell like? permanent markers, books, lime juice, freshly baked cookies

Which do you prefer, owls, cats or a frog? Owls are more practical and all, but we would probably have a family owl and I’m trash™ for cats

Which is your favourite Harry Potter era? marauder era

5 things tag

tagged by @burkesandborgin​

5 things you’ll find in my bag (I don’t carry a bag, unless my backpack counts…)

my phone

my Gravity Falls Journal 3 

my bag of sharpies

my pencilcase

my phone’s charger

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

my cat

tajín

stuffed animals

my playing card collection

some books

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life

get a tattoo

go to london

become successful

be part of a film/play production or smth

own a cool house

5 things that make me happy

tv shows

friends

making stuff

eating lmao

HP

5 things I’m currently into

decoding/deciphering ciphers/codes that stuff

plain colors

minimalist stuff

annoying people

making people laugh (but that’s always lmao)

5 things on my to-do list

watch all the movies I haven’t watched

catching up with tv shows

making a shit-ton of moodboards

buy swimsuits/beach clothes

send college recomendation letter info to some teachers 

5 things people may not know about me

I love plantain chips

I have a birthmark on my right knee and everyone thinks it’s a scar

I have a scar on my left knee and idk when I got it lol

I love super paper mario (it might be my fave super mario game)(after smash lol)(i love smash sm!!)(someone play smash with me!!)(dibs on kirby)

I know a bunch of digits of π (pi lmao) bc I’m a nerd

🌻🐝A body positivity tag game 🐝🌻

i was tagged by @njmphadora, @lilyevcnz <33

🌻🐝Tag people you want to feel pretty af 🐝🌻

Post your some selfies where you feel cute af ~ x x x x

Something you love about your hair ~ I love my hair sm tbh like it’s pretty lmao

Something you love about your eyes ~ like you can tell it’s me?? from when I’m a baby so I like that :P

Something you love about your mouth ~ it’s not bad, it’s goot a nice mouth shape I guss

Something you love about your nose ~ I LOVE MY NOSE!! like?? it’s just asdfyhs idk, I just like it and I get complimented on it a lot and people describe me by it, idk, I love it :D

Something you love about your legs ~ they’re long and they’re not totally skinny, like they’re curvy and they have a nice shape

Something you love about your butt ~ I guess it’s ok, it has a good butt shape?? it’s good…

Something you love about your tummy ~ even though I don’t eat any fruits or veggies it’s not like super chubby, like ofc I’m not a victoria’s secret model, but I’m skinny :)

Something you love about your chest ~ lol ok, so it’s like not too big but not too small, so it’s like a good chest size 

Something you love about your height ~ I’m like regular height (but my legs are long and my torso is short so finding clothes that fit me just right is hard, but also most clothes are kinda made for my height I guess??) I can wear heels or flats and look normal??

Something you love about your weight ~ tbh for the amount of junk food I eat, I’m very happy with my weight :D

When do you feel prettiest ~ when my hair is down and it’s clean (so never lol)

When did you last feel beautiful ~ last saturday?? on tuesday?? idk lol

tag game!

i was tagged by @percweasly

rules: enter your answers then tag 10 people! use the first letter of your name to answer each question. real answers only. if the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must use different answers. you cannot use the same word twice.

name: ana

a four letter word: ants

a boys name: andrew

an occupation: astrophysicist

something you wear: apron

food: apricot

something you find in a bathroom: aloe vera body lotion

a place: azerbaijan 

reason for being late: andrew garfield was getting into a bus and I had to chase him

something you shout: aaaaaaaaa!!!

movie titles: ant-man

something you drink: a soda (lmao I cheated, sorry)

an animal: ape

a type of car: audi

title of a song: another day of sun - la la land soundtrack (that music tag got to me���)

tag ten people u want to get to know better

i was tagged by @fallxng-stars name/nickname: ana, anita, shitface and ana banana (still don’t like them…)

relationship status: single favorite colors: white, black, gold, silver, and others probably last song i listened to: look at the last song from the music tag game lol

favorite tv shows: can’t choose but you can see them at my common room aka tv room first fandom: HP hobbies: reading, scrolling thru tumblr, chatting w friends, using photoshop (editing!), procrastinating, watching tv, decoding ciphers, learning how to do stuff, drawing, and more books i’m currently reading: The Thing Explainer, What If? and Gravity Falls Journal 3 worst thing i’ve ever eaten: fruits and veggies (eww) favorite place(s): home, where the wifi is 

tag game

I wish there was a store where you could just pick up a fictional character and they could be your best friend, significant other, or even arch nemesis. Copy the idea, write who your best friend, significant other, and arch nemesis would be. Then, tag 5-10 friends to do this!!

tagged by: @fleuvrdelacour

best friend(s): Hermione Granger, Fred & George, Dipper and Mabel Pines, I wanna be bff’s with everyone tbh

significant other:James Potter, Dr. Spencer Reid, Jake Peralta and I’m probably forgetting someone

arch nemesis: ughh Snape, Umbridge, and Gideon Gleeful 

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

The art of the YouTube apology video

When an actor messes up, they typically have a team of managers, agents, and crisis managers to back them up with handcrafted personal statements apologizing for their actions. 

When a beauty guru messes up, they set up their tripods, get the tears going, and hit record. 

SEE ALSO: YouTube breakup videos are basically a requirement now. Here's why.

Much like break up videos, apology videos are almost a rite of passage for YouTubers. Since their content is so personal, their apologies have to be, too. As content creators' offensive internet histories get exposed, apology videos are becoming more and more common. There's almost a formula to them: You sob, you apologize for whatever you did wrong, you sob some more, beg for forgiveness from your fans, and then wrap it up with a teary thank-you. 

The most recent example of this tearsfest is Laura Lee, a beauty vlogger who was once just shy of 5 million subscribers, but lost 200,000 once she was exposed for racist tweets this month. A video she posted, simply titled "My Apology," went viral for all the wrong reasons. 

Content creator Keem mocked Lee in a video that broke down the types of apology videos that YouTubers make, from gamers apologizing for a racist comment to vloggers apologizing for filming a dead body. 

In 2012 Lee tweeted, "tip for all black people if you pull ur pants up you can run from the police faster." 

When fans of another rival beauty guru dug up the vile tweet, Lee went silent. She deactivated her Twitter account, deleted her old tweets, and then came back to Twitter with a lengthy Notes app apology. In the statement, she blamed the fact that she grew up as a "small town girl from Alabama" who lacked the "cultural education" that she has now. 

Five days later, she followed up with this apology video. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to you guys," she whimpers, frequently stopping mid-sentence to sob into her hands. "It hurts me so bad to disappoint you all who have supported me for many years. I know that I'm better than that person." 

The four-minute video was dragged for being (for lack of a better word) total bullshit. One commenter called it "so funny to watch bc it’s so forced." Another joked that it was "proof that youtubers shouldn't be actors."

Someone wrote fake captions over her video, and people turned her into a meme on Twitter. It even inspired parodies. 

whoever wrote the caption for laura lee’s apology is my hero pic.twitter.com/S4406OSgmV

— 𝕙𝕒𝕓𝕚𝕓𝕒 (@denimIester) August 20, 2018

Laura Lee is part of a group of beauty gurus who all apologized for their problematic pasts, but hers is the one getting criticized the most. 

But is there a "right" way to apologize? Crisis manager Eden Gillott Bowe says there may not be a one size fits all way to say "I'm sorry," but there is a basic formula that best gets the point across. Like Olivia Pope in Scandal, Gillott Bowe fixes messy situations. 

"If you know you've done something wrong, you don't want to hide it because the truth always finds a way of coming out," Gillott Bowe said over the phone. "So you just want to deal with it quickly." 

Compare Lee's apology to that of another member of the beauty guru clique that broke apart over this past week, Gabriel Zamora. 

In contrast to Lee's tears, Zamora opens the video by explaining that the version he's posting is the third version he's recorded because he was more levelheaded than in the first two. 

"I'm like, you know what? This isn't just about my emotions," he admits in the video.

Gillott Bowe recommends staying as calm as possible, like Zamora, while doing damage control. 

"Try not to be too reactionary and just take a moment to think about how it's going to be perceived," she said. "If I jump out and say this, how might it be taken the wrong way?"

With that in mind, here's the backstory on all the beauty guru drama.  

Fellow vlogger and Lee and Zomara's former friend Jeffree Star — who has his own history of being horrifically racist and according to the Washington Post, once joked about "throwing battery acid on a black girl's face to lighten her skin so that her foundation matches" — was the subject of a Shane Dawson documentary series on YouTube that examined Star's life and reputation.

The last installation of the five part series discusses the public feud Star had with his ex-friend group. Star says that "people still don't really know what went on" that broke down the group, and that "there's so many versions of things that never happened out there."

In response, Zamora posted a photo of himself, Laura Lee, Manny MUA, and Nikita Dragun captioned "Bitch is bitter because without him we're doing better," referring to Star. Zamora topped it off in a now-deleted tweet that said, "Imagine stanning a racist? I could never."

That kicked off a stan-led scrape through the four YouTubers' Twitter histories, which unearthed hateful tweets from years ago. Manny MUA, Laura Lee, and Gabriel Zamora all made separate videos apologizing for their actions; Nikita Dragun addressed it on Twitter. 

But why does Star get a pass on his past actions, while Lee's getting dropped from all of her brand partnerships? Fans agreed that their apology videos made all the difference. 

The difference is they both acknowledged their mistakes years ago and have actively worked to better themselves and let it show through their actions. Laura barely made an apology, cried fake tears, and tried to blame it on everything else, like "I was raised in a small town"

— Future 👩🏻‍⚕️ (@K_Wolstenholme) August 23, 2018

They felt the same way about Zamora's apology video. Stans thought that compared to Lee's apology, it was significantly more genuine because he walked through how he would improve. Commenters lauded Zamora's apology as "a great example" and "like sitting with a friend." 

if Gabriel Zamora gaining back all the subs he lost and then some isn’t proof that all we want as viewers are real people telling the truth...i don’t know what is pic.twitter.com/Im0NNfCUKr

— spektader (@spektader) August 22, 2018

Makeup fans haven't forgiven Star entirely, though. Some wish he'd face the same consequences as Lee. 

im glad this is happening but i wish the same energy would’ve been kept for Jeffree Star and James Charles https://t.co/8okPymP00H

— deja 🏳️‍🌈 (@dejaistired) August 23, 2018

Gillott Bowe recommends that when crafting an apology, whether to a friend in private or to an entire fanbase through a public statement, you don't want to keep repeating "I'm sorry." 

"You want to be sincere," she said. "You don't want to dwell on it. Once you say you're sorry you don't want to belabor it." 

In Zamora's video, he said, "I don't want to give excuses ... it was ignorant, it was stupid." Instead of jumping to begging his subscribers not to call him racist, he asked them to take time to process his apology. He also linked two videos about the history of the N word and a lecture from author Ta-Nehisi Coates about "words that don't belong to everyone." 

Then, in typical YouTuber fashion, he moved on and exposed Lee and Manny MUA for throwing him under the bus and refusing to take accountability when their tweets were exposed.

Fed up of going on YouTube and all the videos being titled ‘my truth’, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘my apology’. I just want to watch a fucking makeup tutorial

— georgia (@georgievowles) August 23, 2018

Although that's exactly the kind of drama YouTube subscribers want to hear, Gillott Bowe probably wouldn't go for that cutthroat, spilling the tea approach. She'd rather her clients wrap up an apology by looking forward. 

"You talk about the future," she said. "The things you want to change to make sure it doesn't happen again, and then you stay positive." 

So for future YouTubers who need to make an apology — whether it's Tana Mongeau apologizing for calling her black friend a racial slur or Jenna Marbles apologizing for being an unprepared fish owner — here's the formula that Gillott Bowe endorses. 

1. Open with something positive.

Gillott Bowe recommends "easing into it" by thanking people for their support.

2. Say you're sorry and don't drag it on.

"Focus right on the apology," she said. Don't try to skirt responsibility or avoid taking accountability. It's better for all parties if you just own up to what you did wrong. 

3. End on a good note.

Gillott Bowe calls this a "compliment sandwich." You want to close the apology with something "nice and hopeful," like outlining the steps you'll take to improve.

4. Don't do it again.

She brings up a quote often misattributed to Albert Einstein: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

"People have a tremendous capacity to forgive," Gillott Bowe explains, "But you don't want to keep apologizing if you're going to end up doing shitty things again anyway." 

Navigating the public sphere after a major scandal will probably be rocky for a while, but Gillott Bowe is sure that if an apology is genuine, the person at fault will be OK. 

"There are the kinds of people who are going to hate you no matter what you do," she said. "But if the people in the middle could be swayed either way, those are the people you're gearing toward."

Or, you know, you could also just try not to be racist. 

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