#as someone who's never and will never play crisis core i finally understand why some zack fans have somehow become anti-cloud

[twipsai]

omega and silver fic is up! ill put the full thing under the cut yayyy

~

Days and weeks and months melted together, years going by as his body rusted and decayed, warping itself beyond repair as fewer and fewer people dared to enter the Flame Core, fewer caring to check in on them.

He wasn’t conscious for a large portion of it. How could he be? Why would he be? Any reason to stay present was gone.

So he sat. He waited. For what, he wasn’t sure.

…

And then.

And then one day.

One day, something new. The feeling of something stirring against his chest awoke him from a multi-decade slumber. It took minutes, maybe hours, for all of his systems to come back online. The ones remaining, anyway. Everything hit him like bullets— two lifeforms detected, tactile input detected, loss of ammunition, left shoulder joint disconnected, motor functions offline…

Everything buzzed faintly.

Finally, he could see again.

He shifted his cameras down to see…

“CHILD.”

The kid’s eyes flew open as he stumbled backwards from being curled up against his side. A scream erupted from the child’s body. Analysis showed he was a hedgehog, about six, not matching anyone stored within his database.

Though, there weren’t many people around who did, anymore.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Omega questioned, voice echoing unpleasantly against the cavern’s walls.

The child didn’t answer, his breathing picking up speed as his hands started to tremble. He fell to his knees, eyes wide and unblinkingly staring at Omega.

“I BELIEVE I MAY HAVE FRIGHTENED YOU. THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION.”

It looked like the child couldn’t breathe, now, as if he was being strangled by an invisible force. He grasped a hand around his neck while tears rolled down his cheeks.

Somewhere in his data storage, something like a memory surfaced. It was an unfamiliar feeling.

At some point, someone he knew had something like this happen to them.

“INITIATING ‘COMFORT’ PROTOCOL.”

Through old, crackling speakers, a song started to play. Even with the terrible audio crunching, the piano still rang out as soft as ever. Slow notes drawled on. The lifeform behind him shifted. The child took about 3.49 seconds to visually indicate he had heard the music. His ears perked up and his terrified eyes softened. Over the course of six minutes and twenty-three seconds, the child’s heart rate decreased from 110 beats per minute to 100.

The first thing that tiny child squeaked out was, “Can you move?”

Omega responded after a moment to check. “NO.”

The child then slowly stood, inching forward on trembling legs to sit closer to the music. He leaned an ear to Omega’s chest where the sound crackled out from. He was way too warm for a tiny child, and if he wasn’t showing no other symptoms, Omega would have thought he was sick.

As the song steadily reached its conclusion, the child seemed about as relaxed as he was going to get.

“What is this?” he asked.

“GYMNOPEDIE NO. 1.”

The child looked up and squinted his eyes, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“IT’S A VERY OLD SONG FROM AN ESTIMATED 400 YEARS AGO.”

“A song? What’s a song?”

Omega was never very good at explaining the more… human aspects of life. The alive parts.

Others would be better suited to explain this.

He knew many that could’ve.

“A SONG IS TYPICALLY A COLLECTION OF NOTES PLAYED IN SUCCESSION TO CREATE A MELODY. WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON ME, CHILD?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I DO NOT CARE. YOU HAVE NOT ANSWERED MY QUESTION.”

The child’s grey quills flared out even more than they already had, and he fidgeted with the bandages around his wrists. “Your body is cold. It’s very warm here. I was just trying to cool off…”

“WHAT IS YOUR NAME?”

“I think it’s Silver.”

“YOU ARE NOT SURE?”

“No.”

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?”

“I’m trying to get to Crisis City.”

That was an unfamiliar location. Omega checked his residual memory, and cross referenced it with previous data he had archived. “THE RUINS OF SOLEANNA.”

“Um. Maybe?”

“THE HEART OF IBLIS. INQUIRY: WHY IS A TINY MEATBAG LIKE YOU MARCHING TO YOUR CERTAIN DEATH?”

Silver sat down in the place where his left arm should have been, under exposed wires sparking threateningly. This close, Omega could see the scabs on his knees, the blood soaking through the messily-wrapped bandages, the cuts littering his arms and legs, his calloused hands and feet— he could see the determination in his eyes as he folded his hands in his lap and furrowed his brows. “I'm going to defeat Iblis.”

If Omega could laugh, he would. “DOES NOT COMPUTE. SILVER THE HEDGEHOG: SMALL, MORTAL, POWERLESS. IBLIS: GIANT, IMMORTAL, POWERFUL. I ASK AGAIN; WHY IS A TINY MEATBAG LIKE YOU MARCHING TO YOUR DEATH?”

“Because I have to! I have powers no one else has, if there's something I can do, then I wanna help!”

“FURTHER DATA NEEDED. WHAT POWERS DO YOU POSSESS, CHILD?”

“Um, someone told me its called psy– psycho— um—”

“PSYCHOKINESIS.”

“Yes! Psychokinesis!”

There was no telling how powerful the child actually was. Omega knew better than to underestimate children at this point, when three had accompanied him on adventure after adventure before the flames had consumed the world.

They were children. Most of his companions were. 

His chest suddenly felt strange. Felt. He tried to run a diagnosis on his power core, only to find that it was still destroyed. Nothing had changed about his state. What made that feeling?

“Excuse me, uh… sir?”

“OMEGA.”

“Huh?”

“THAT IS MY NAME. E-123 OMEGA.”

“Oh. Well, your eyes are glowing.”

Strange. Someone once said that he was very expressive— he thought it was what she called “sarcasm”, but then went on to explain all the little things she noticed about him, and how he reacts to things. It seemed that, even with almost all of his functions offline, he was still finding ways to express himself.

“Omega?”

“WHAT.”

Silver looked up at him shyly. “Can I lean on you again? It’s very hot in here, and you’re very cool…”

“I LACK THE PROPER MOTOR FUNCTION TO STOP YOU.”

“That’s why I asked.”

A memory surfaced. Covered in rust and cobwebs and ash.

A very long time ago, he was carrying someone gently, as gently as he could. This person was tired— he had been through a lot that week. He could barely stand. So he carried him to his room quietly, trying his best not to tear the blankets he used to tuck him in. He must not have done a very good job at being quiet, because he woke up to a degree.

“Omega,” he mumbled, eyes still half-closed. “Don’t… don’t let anyone do anything to you. Even though you’re… you’re a robot… you should get to be your own person…”

He quietly took a step back. 

“YOUR MUMBLING IS INCOHERENT,” Omega replied. “TELL ME TOMORROW; I WILL STILL BE HERE.”

And he turned.

And left.

Silver, for one reason or another, was dragging up memories that he thought had been trapped in old storage. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t had a conversation with another person in over a hundred years. Maybe the long stretches of silence had a way of turning one into a poet.

“YES,” Omega finally replied, “YOU MAY LEAN ON ME.”

Silver crawled over his lap, smushing himself in between Omega’s in-tact arm and torso, forehead leaning against his upper arm. If Omega thought the child would listen, he would warn him about getting tetanus from his rusted fingers.

“I have a question now. Is that okay?”

“YES.”

“How old are you?”

“73,784.8 DAYS HAVE PASSED SINCE MY CREATION.”

“Uhhh… that’s a lot…”

Eggman didn’t program conversion to weeks, months, and years into his internal clock. Eventually it would stop counting up when it hit 999,999.999 days. It also meant that he had to mentally convert it himself. “APPROXIMATELY 200 YEARS.”

“Oh.”

…

The child looked up at him with impossibly large eyes.

“Oh! Were you around before Iblis was, Omega?!”

“YES—”

“Can you tell me about it?! Please! I’ve heard stories but— but not from someone who was there! You gotta tell me!”

Much to his dismay, Omega was finding this child amusing. And familiar. “WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW?”

“Um, um…” When he was in thought, Silver fidgeted with his poncho’s hem. “Tell me about the sky!”

“...THE SKY?”

“Yes!”

Omega hadn’t been outside for most of his lifespan— he had spent it in the Flame Core. But he did remember that— “IT WAS GIANT.”

A massive expanse that blanketed the entire earth. A constant in a chaotic life. No matter where you went, the sky followed.

“IT WOULD CHANGE COLOR. MANY COMPARED IT TO A PAINTING.”

The child looked up at him with wonder in his eyes, absorbing every syllable.

“IT WAS THE ONE THING IN LIFE THAT REMAINED.”

Absolute awe was written on Silver’s face. 

Omega could make a well-informed guess of what awaited him outside the cavern if he was ever fixed.

“Can you tell me about the people?”

“YOU ASK MANY QUESTIONS.”

“I haven’t gotten this many answers before.”

They were his companions. Teammates. Friends, though, that was pushing it a little, as one of them would say. After so long to think about it, to put his feelings into words, he came to the conclusion that he must have cared about them. They were almost all gone, now. Almost. But he could remember watching them from afar, completely captivated by how they moved. It was all just play to most of them. They would train against each other, race across continents, get takeout in the middle of a mission… Everything was just another day. They laughed in the face of danger. They stood tall. They cared.

Oh, how they cared.

“I BELIEVE THEY WERE NOT VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE PEOPLE OF THIS TIME.”

“No?”

“NO. THEY WERE ALL JUST PEOPLE. MUNDANE.”

Silver knitted his brows together in thought, then pointed past where Omega’s cameras could reach, behind the two of them. “Was he there?”

But he knew.

He knew.

Knew who he was pointing to.

“YES.”

“What’s his name?”

“SHADOW.”

“Why is he trapped in there?”

While Omega couldn’t see him in his position, he knew exactly how Shadow looked. Arms up and cuffed with giant metal rings, attached to a hexagonal cage that stretched over him in a diamond shape, glowing pink and white. The image was committed to his long-term memory.

Perhaps it was better he couldn’t turn to see.

“HUMANITY THOUGHT HE WAS THE CAUSE OF THE FLAMES OF DISASTER.”

Silver stood and walked behind him. The tingle of apprehensiveness of having his back turned to a sentient being was duller than he remembered. “Was he?”

“NO,” he could say for certain. “NO, HE WASN’T.”

“Then why did they do this to him?”

He could remember his claw gripping Shadow’s neck as he begged and pleaded for mercy. He remembered his body acting without his command as he unfeelingly attacked him. He remembered Shadow going limp on the floor, almost dead. He remembered watching as people crowded around him and quickly put him into stasis.

He remembered standing with him,

for centuries.

Maybe as an apology. Maybe because it was what he was built to do.

He remembered.

“HUMANITY FEARS WHAT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND, CHILD.”

Quietly, Silver walked back to Omega’s side, leaning on him once again, and a little more curled up in his lap than he was before. “I know,” he said. “I know that.” 

Of course he did. Omega could have guessed that, especially in this world; this world that was dominated by terror. After all, Silver was here, alone, at six years old. Whatever reason he had for that couldn't be a pleasant one.

“YOU REMIND ME OF THE PEOPLE I FOUGHT ALONGSIDE BACK THEN.”

“Before Iblis?”

“YES.”

“I do?”

“YOU ARE MARCHING TO FACE IMPOSSIBLE ODDS. YET YOU REMAIN OPTIMISTIC. YOU STRIVE TO PROTECT A BROKEN WORLD THAT HURT YOU.”

Silver fidgeted with the hem of his poncho. His markings pulsed with light. “Even if the whole world was against me,” he whispered, “I'd still protect it.”

“I SEE. INQUIRY;”

“Mhm?”

“HOW CAN YOU FIGHT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T WIN?”

For a long time, Silver stayed quiet.

He spoke slowly. “As long as I don't give up… there's hope.”

How optimistic. How cruel, for a child to say those words with a trembling voice. If Omega could, he'd weep. 

Then, he returned to his excited demeanor. “Hey, you know what? I could probably get Shadow out of there!”

“YOU COULD NOT.”

“I could try! If I could wake your friend up, then maybe—”

“CHILD.”

He stayed quiet.

“I MADE A VOW TO PROTECT THOSE I HELD DEAR.” He flickered some of the lights on his body on and off. “I BROKE THAT VOW ONCE. NOW, I WILL REMAIN HERE, BY HIS SIDE, UNTIL I AM GONE.”

Silver was practically curled up in his lap, forehead rested on his chest. His body temperature had dropped significantly since he had woken up. “Okay, then. Hey, I have another question.”

“ASK IT.”

“Can you make that ‘song’ again?”

How optimistic.

How cruel.

“YES. I CAN.”

The piano hummed through his broken speakers. It made ear-splitting popping noises occasionally, but Silver didn't seem to mind. He shifted so his ear was right above Omega’s internal speaker.

His companions would have liked Silver. It was obvious— maybe even Shadow would have. But they were separated by eons.

Omega only hoped the next time they met, it was for a kinder reason.

‘Hoped’...

Silver must have been rubbing off on him. 

[rottenpumpkin13]

Responding to the Zack/Seph friendship thing as an ask because I have no idea how shares work and the comment space isn’t long enough :P

But as fun as that idea is- that Sephiroth didn’t do it because Zack reminded him of his dead friends- I honestly think it’s because he just couldn’t relate/was too distressed from everything else happening. I know CC happened within the span of like… five years? Maybe? And I’m not sure how all those events line up in the timeline but regardless, I think it’s mostly because Zack was young, a couple years younger than Sephiroth, and Sephiroth mostly became friends with Angeal and Sephiroth because he felt they could understand him, since they were also part of a similar “project” like he was and- I believe this played a HUGE part- he thought them to be the closest to his strength level. I think him being so far superior to everyone else in every way was what caused him to be separate and that was something he was very aware of, and now there are these two people who are almost as good as he is and so he knows they’ll treat him as an equal rather than as a hero, idol, or something surpassing a human.

While Zack was also undoubtedly strong, I don’t think Sephiroth ever viewed him as a friend, he just viewed him as Angeal’s student and probably didn’t feel like they could ever be equals. Because as much as I don’t think Sephiroth ever wanted to be different, I think he still had a good degree of arrogance nonetheless. Deep down he knew he was better, and he knew what that entailed, including always being set apart from others unless they were in the same league he was. There’s an argument to be made that Zack DID at least reach the same level as Genesis and Angeal did by the end of CC, but Sephiroth probably already had a notion of what Zack was like and his perception of him never changed even as Zack progressed.

Of course the events happening in the game probably didn’t help, so to that agree I do also agree with your assessment of why Seph and Zack never got closer. I mean his best friends basically both died and now he’s left alone again, and prior to that it doesn’t seem like Seph really knew Zack beyond just as Angeal’s student so they never had time to bond when things were alright, and afterwards Sephiroth didn’t have the will to befriend someone else- who he never saw as an equal, who he always thought was weaker- who would also likely die. If these two people who he thought to be on par with himself died, why would this weaker person serve as a decent replacement?

I have my own qualms with Angeal and Genesis- particularly Genesis- and how they treated Sephiroth, but in Sephiroth’s mind it was enough that they were willing to spend time with him and treat him like a human, regardless of the fact that they were closer to each other than they’d ever be to him. Great and now I’m sad about Sephiroth all over again 🥲 the poor guy really had nobody. It’s no wonder he went crazy. Actually it’s a wonder he was a good person for 25 years before he snapped, most people would’ve gone full Homelander a lot earlier.

Sorry for the rant, it seems like the question riled me up a bit 😅

I'm going to put myself in Sephiroth's shoes and say the emotional and mental exhaustion he endured from everything that happened in Crisis Core—from the training room, degradation, desertion, the Genesis War, Angeal's death, and then Nibelheim—would be overwhelming. If it were me I wouldn't have the energy to relate or form friendships with anyone after that and wouldn't want to, and things like that would be the last thing on my mind. That last post was just a depressing thought I had at *checks watch* wow it's late. I think it was the trauma and exhaustion from everything rolled into one blunt that finally got smoked at Nibelheim.

Though I do think Sephiroth cared for Zack in some way, part of that definitely had to do with seeing a bit of Angeal in him since Zack inherited his sword and all. I can't say it better than @altocat did in this post, but the signs were there.

And I'm going to politely disagree with Sephiroth being arrogant. I don't see him as someone who cares about status and being equals with someone or not. He was thrust into a position at a young age and grew up naturally isolated at the metaphorical top, but I don't think that made him arrogant at all, and if anything this isolation fueled the loyalty and devotion he had towards the few friends he did make. I also see Sephiroth as someone who doesn't open up to people easily. We know he knew Angeal for years before Crisis Core when they were young teens—and if you want to add context from Ever Crisis, this would be right after the Rhadore mission where all that happened, so Angeal's (and Genesis's) friendship came at the right time.

I would say Zack's did too, but again, plot context is key, and Sephiroth was already going through so much in CC. Also, kind of like you said, there's the relatability aspect and the age gap, but I personally don't think it was because Sephiroth saw Zack as inferior to him in any way.

[crguang]

feel like the only way i can see kafhime be so soft is if we go with an AU where kafhime got together before astral express and stellaron hunters. and they broke up due to their opposing natures as astral express and stellaron hunters are symbolized to the opposites of one another in many ways, including their path.

astral express cares about the journey while stellaron hunters care about the ending. and they break up on a bitter note and go with their life.

EXACTLYYYYYYY UGH!!!! i feel like such a contrarian cause everyone loves kfhm but unless they met before a LOT of things happened canonically and have some sort of history they make no senseeee, kafka is everything himeko hates. himeko is everything kafka could never bother to be. the SH and the express crew are ultimately working for the same goal but the SH are undeniably more selfish about it, and they believe that the end justifies the means when that’s not a value of the express crew at all. trailblaze vs finality. their core values don’t align and that’s what’s so interesting about their relationship with each other and the TB, who’s known both sides (even if they cant remember they still have a relationship with the SH). characterization wise i just don’t see canon himeko letting her guard down for someone like kafka and vice versa, i think the destroying planets part would be enough for her to never wanna see kafka again personally

it’s also what currently irks me about how the stellaron hunters are perceived in the game, they have everybody be friends when they shouldn’t be like😭 in the recent event march is acting all buddy buddy with silver wolf like she wasnt ready to leave the luofu to deal with their stellaron crisis alone just because kafka was the one telling them to go there… like she got so heated seeing kafka but SW helps her out once (cause she’s the TB’s friend) and suddenly there’s no animosity towards what the SH do, i don’t get it. and it’s not himeko’s politeness towards firefly to work towards a common goal (saving penacony) either, she was trying to cheer her up and everything like what’s going on… what happened to “we’re not your friends why should we care”?😭

i also recently saw one of topaz’s voice lines about them and it’s just something like “i’m not familiar with their work but they have an excellent credit score”… YOU WORK FOR THE IPC?????? in kafka’s trailer she literally breaks into pier point (ipc hq) and kills a bunch of them. you’re telling me she doesnt give a fuck?… i get that she only works for one division of the ipc but how is she not familiar with some of their work like that sounds so stupid. jade i understand because that woman is evil herself so im not surprised she sees the SH as an opportunity/investment rather than condemn their actions. but it’s just crazy because you don’t get a 10.99 billion dollars bounty playing with kittens. i feel like the natural reaction to them would be “i don’t like those guys actually” but no one cares😭😭 it’s a little annoying bc i love that the SH aren’t good people but they’re not treated with the ire they deserve and it’s lame. commit to the bit!!!!!

all that to say that himeko’s the one person i would never want to change her mind about them because her understanding/empathy should have its limits. their actions are despicableeee firefly can act as cute and shy as she wants, that machine probably has killed so many people bruh. they make their own choices and should be held accountable for them otherwise it’s just lame and there are no stakes to that story imo. ive had that on my chest for the longest time im sorry i used your ask to dump it all but omg it was annoying me so bad😭😭😭

[mezzomorendo]

Meet the Mun.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

Zack has been a staple of my life since I first picked up Crisis Core wayyyyy back in 2009-2010 ish. Ever since I saved up every penny from chores and babysitting to get a PSP specifically to play it, I was obsessed with him and his story. I never played OG 7, so all I knew was Zack's life and his story and I loved him. I still do, and to this day he's a giant influence on me. I have an intense emotional connection with this character, and as an adult I see now why I connected with him so much. He was exactly what I needed as a lost, confused kid who didn't understand why I was the way I was. I picked Zack up as a muse a couple years ago, when I finally decided to try my hand at writing him. For the longest time he was just someone I admired, and now I get to infuse him with even more love. <3

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

I'm not super fond of a lot of action scenes? Fights are really hard for me to do. I also don't tend to do things like torture or other darker subjects like that because I'm just here to have fun and do character exploration LMAO.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

FLUFF!!!!!! SHIPS!!!!!!!!!!! Really whatever lets me explore him being happy and alive and a person outside of the narrative. He really is defined by his death, so I love to explore who he is outside of war and dying.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

Not gonna lie, quite a few are me projecting onto him LMAO. But usually the way I write HCs are from a handful of prompting questions. Some examples are below <3 "What are the realistic consequences of this part of his life?" This brought me to how long it would likely take him to heal after being riddled with bullets, what is mental state would be like, why he's no longer a combatant, and how he moved from "mercenary" to "EMT" "Would this explain why he is the way he is?" This is a lot of where I'm starting to extrapolate Gongagan culture/history as well as expanding on his family. It's also where i got him being poly and ADHD!

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

Music for more intense scenes, but often time it's just whatever random youtube video is playing in the background for me. I do have an entire Zack playlist on Spotify I use when I really need to get IC though.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

Eh, wing them usually. Sometimes I do a bit of planning over discord by throwing around IC thoughts or plots, but usually it's very spur of the moment. Zack doesn't do a lot of pre-planning himself so I don't tend to either.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

HELL FUCKING YEAH I AM! I've elaborated on it in my rules but genuinely I love shipping with Zack. He's so full of love and care and it's hard for him not to catch feelings for people. He's also defined by the amount of love he gives - he loves so strongly, and all the time. I won't force ship, but even if you're like "hey i have a silly crackship" gimme.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Kei! :D It's the name I use in dating sims and it's stuck LMAO

ᴀɢᴇ?

25+

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

Soon, actually! Late April.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

Blues and blacks <3

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

Depends on my mood tbh but right now it's like. 90% of KINGDOM's work lolol especially Last Flower - i am WAITING for the day they eventually release it to streaming ;w;

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Advent Children, actually! I got to watch it with my BF who had never seen it before and it was sooooo much fun LMAO.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Uhhhhh Apothecary Diaries I think? I think the last thing I watched was the finale for that.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

The Soda Wave on youtube's Pruno Faustino cover of Soleil by Tiara <3 I love that voicebank they made SO MUCH and it's so pretty

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

PASTRIES! Everything from Chocolate Lava Cake to croissants to mochi to whatever! I looooove pastries so much <3

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

Fall. Bugs are dead and can't scare me and i'm not having issues with temperature regulation

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

Not really? I just have a lotta good friends :>

tagged by: well really stolen from @reapersxfolly (it's not letting me @ u gomenasorry)

tagging: whoever wants to do it!

[archiveofolives]

TAG URSELF I'M LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE WHO ISN'T ZACK OR CLOUD HERE

[oldschoolfrp]

(Someone asked for my thoughts about the current OGL debacle, and compared it to how TSR handled its properties in its final years as a company; Tumblr twice ate my reply and deleted the original question)

From the earliest days of D&D a big part of its appeal has been the way it encourages players to create and share their own worlds. The initial appearance of the game sparked the rise of a host of amateur fanzines and third-party small press publishers whose efforts helped increase the popularity of TSR's core product. As TSR grew, it extended various licenses for official supplements, with an uneasy tolerance of ‘generic’ material that didn’t claim to be official.

As competition increased, Gygax seemed more irritated with others engaging with his game on their own terms.  Instead of writing as much about imagination and creativity he often focused on promoting the right way to play. He wasted pages of space in Dragon magazine railing against the small presses and accusing them of making inferior unauthorized products that deceived unsuspecting gamers in the marketplace.

After forcing Gygax out in the mid-80s, Lorraine Williams saved TSR through aggressive expansion, but an attempt at total market dominance helped cause its final financial crisis in the 90s.  The company produced too many of its own new games and official supplements split between too many different genres and campaign worlds, dividing its own customer base among an unsustainable number of products that competed with each other.

That was back then. As for now, I think:

As a consumer of some recent third-party content for 5e and B/X D&D I've been pretty happy with the thriving community of creators making free and commercial supplements, and I hope no one tries to place roadblocks in their way.

That’s about it.  I think I'm not the best person to comment on the details of the allegedly more restrictive leaked OGL 1.1 because:

I have no inside information or contacts with the legal representation of Hasbro, Inc, and

I myself am not a publisher of OGL-based material who would be directly threatened with financial loss by any of the changes that might occur.

It's understandable that independent authors and publishers would be worried about a possible threat to their businesses. It is especially concerning that the company at the center of all this has mostly remained silent for several weeks while anger and fear has been amplified. The last official statement was back on December 21, in which they insisted that independent creators would still be able to keep doing what they have been doing, and mentioned new threats like NFTs as an example of why they felt the old legal language needed an update:

https://www.dndbeyond.com/posts/1410-ogls-srds-one-d-d

Unfortunately when I see this topic being promoted on Twitter and YouTube, many of the top suggestions are clearly bad-faith click-bait performance art by people selling anger as entertainment, which isn’t going to help anyone understand the actual issues.  I won’t engage with the worst of those.

There are some good takes on the topic here -- @mostlysignssomeportents explained some reasons why publishers probably never needed the OGL and could be better off without it, and @prokopetz has some observations on why the OGL made people more comfortable about quoting the official rules and where things might be headed.

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

Heya, I hope you're well these days. I just want to ask about Season 2. After 9999 years of suffering, I finally made it to Season 2 and did some progress but the thing I didn't understand was Black Swan's true intentions. I know that Victor's the current boss of BS, so it must mean that Black Swan has good intentions unlike Season 1, right? I'm sorry if there was already a post about Black Swan analyzing and I didn't read it beforehand, I am new in this platform and I heard you analyze about things related to Victor so I knew I had to ask you. (♡˙︶˙♡)

Hello! (*´ω｀*) I’m doing great, I hope you are doing good too! Welcome to the platform, hopefully you will have amazing time here. ♡

Congratulations on making it to Season 2, I hope the beginning of it was worth your “9999” years of endurance and patience! (why did you have to hit me with that anon 🥺). If so, I can confidently say that it will only get better! (・∀・)

Now, on your questions about Black Swan in S2, I love your sole reasoning for BS having good intentions in S2 HAHA.

⌚ CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR S2 STORYLINE UNDER THE CUT ⌚

—

One very important thing that’s needed to be noted here:

As MC mentions throughout many incidents in S2, many things are happening the way she remembers from S1 and yet, not everything is the same.

—

When the CH 1 of S2 kicks off, the BS we meet isn’t the same BS of S1. However, it was the same BS when the prologue of S2 kicks off, MC wakes up in the orphanage and changes the fates of the boys.

UNLIKE S1:

The kidnapping incident becomes public, several BS members take the responsibility and leave the organization.

Apart from the notorious exposure, this causes the first upheaval inside the organization itself.

Existence of Evol becomes public.

MC learns about the existence of CORE, the key to human evolution, the new variable in S2 timeline, equivalent to the Queen gene of S1 (as of the latest S2 update on CN server)– please remember this info, it will be needed later.

In this new society we are entering, Evolvers live among the normal citizens of Loveland City. Even though there isn’t that huge stigma against Evolvers from the normal citizens like S1, there are people who are strongly against Evol and inevitably there are groups who have ulterior motives.

To maintain the balance between this oil and water mixture, there needs to be someone watching over, does it not? This is where S2 BS comes in the play with its still wavering motives and Victor with his never-changing unwavering principles.

—

✧ Victor’s S2 Meeting In the Past Date:

Fast forward to 13 years later from the kidnapping incident, 4 years before the CH 1 of S2 kicks off.

The Victor MC reunites with in this date is 24 years old.

SIMILAR TO S1:

He is still in the process of developing the now medium-sized LFG to the icon we see in the beginning of both S1 and S2.

DEVIATING FROM S1:

Although too much details haven’t been put up in the date, but from the conversation that takes place, and Victor’s reaction towards the entire composition of the “test,” it’s clear that several discussions have already taken place about Victor’s possibly joining BS, and the “test” he was asked to comply with– was entirely a show, just to test his patience, the ability to make the correct judgements and remaining calm at any given crisis.

Eight Months after meeting Victor:

MC learns about the upside down change inside BS from her dad. She comes to the BS headquarters– after many years, i.e. after the kidnapping incident.

Here on, MC becomes one of the only three people (as of now) in the entire world who knows that Victor is the BOSS of BS.

However, she doesn’t join BS right then. MC joins BS another 2+ year later. But here, we do get the confirmation that she will be joining BS officially when the timing is right, and she’s capable enough.

—

✧ SEASON 2, CH 1:

We directly meet Victor as the BOSS of BS, and MC as a BS member, under the title of “Nox.”

MC joined BS as a normal mid-level member. In the process of working as Nox, being the only person who knows the BOSS’s true identity within BS and constantly serving as his confidant in crucial cases, she earns the first-level clearance from the BOSS. And this happens before CH 1 kicks off.

Snippet from the R&S “Holiday Eve:”

And gaining this clearance leads to chasing one of the major goals of BS in S2.

Snippet from S2 CH 1:

The drug they are talking about here is called “Small Syringe,” which is a very fatal drug and the injection of it can cause many adverse effects on an Evolver, ultimately can even lead to death. MC is given the lead responsibility in conducting this investigation.

The “that thing” they are talking about here is BS CORE, as I mentioned earlier. Since it’s known widely to various communities that BS CORE is the key to human evolution, ultimately this is the target everyone is chasing after– because of the sheer market value, also because of the ulterior motives and of course not with all good intentions.

As for the details of Small Syringes and CORE, I wouldn’t want to ruin the novelty for you, it’d be worth the patience!

Now, there’s a little detail that gets spilled here on the inside of BS—

Here MC gives a clear description of the structure of current BS composition. It’s composed of elite Evolvers from all walks of life and their inner activities are extremely confidential.

This is also the reason why often STF tries to put their fingers on BS– since their activities are kept secret, it’s easy to judge without knowing anything to a certain extent. But, MC as the face of BS at STF – clears up their groundless suspicions in the upcoming chapters. :)

—

✧ CH 4, IN VICTOR’S OWN WORDS:

MC: Why did you join BLACK SWAN at that time?

Victor: Why are you asking this?

MC: Just a little bit curious. You already had LFG, you should have been able to accomplish many things already, isn’t it?

Victor turns his head to look out the window, his gaze seeming to fall far away.

Victor: This is different. For this era, Evol is a brand-new discovery. If made good use of it, it can bring about many beneficial changes. Apart from those rotten sections, BLACK SWAN has sufficient talent and technology to support Evol related research and development. And, I also wanted to know what else this power can accomplish.

MC: So, originally, you had already thought this far ahead at that time.... I gotta say that this answer is very much within the style of CEO Victor.

He gazes towards the disorderly high and low viaducts not far away, each with its own entrance, leading towards different destinations.

Just like the world has reached the intersection after Evol was made public, everyone will unavoidably have to make different choices.

Even if there’s disperancy in time, some things will still resurface when it’s necessary.

Victor silently retracts his gaze, as many elements regarding BS emerge in his mind.

Aside from the prospects of this world, there’s something even more important, or perhaps it can be said that it’s a person, which draws him to seek for the source of an explanation for everything.

He perceives it difficult to find a suitable reason to explain this dedication of his.

It’s just that.... there seems to a notion at the back of his mind from beginning to the end, reminding him constantly that he must place great importance to all of this.

He wants to see as well, what kind of great significance can be brought to the actions that are driven by his sentiments alone.

The last bit is about his inconsistent snatches of memories about his S1 self, MC from S1 and finding out about the “message from the past” later on – the reasons of which he was still unaware of at that moment (during CH 4). Apart from that, this entire section sets up the premise about his own aspirations and what he planned on doing with BS far before he joined, i.e. nearly 4 years prior.

—

✧ S2 CH 6 and the R&S:

In this chapter we get a little more extra details on the inside of BS and how Victor and MC both ended up joining BS.

Four years back, BS went through a turbulent mutiny. I still hadn’t become an official member of BS at that time. I only heard a word or two about it from my dad.

Conflicts within the organization were intensified due to the increasingly diagonally opposite opinions in the face of evolution, leading to the departure of a section of key members.

Following this, the second generation of members formed the new BS board of directors led by the BOSS, replacing the original Twelve.

My true understanding of BS seems to have started after the mutiny four years ago.

Even though I haven’t experienced the accident first-hand, but subsequently the chain reaction that followed turned my life upside down....

Dad disappeared without whereabouts, leaving me only a notebook.

Victor joined BS, and became the new BOSS, whose identity is unknown within the organization.

And in order to pursue more clues of CORE, I also joined BS without a second thought, embarking on a path that I did not at all understand before.

Being caught off-guard, and facing the choices that made me doubt myself, Victor is the very existence, who made me feel particularly reassured.

—

ONTO HOW THE THINGS INSIDE BS ARE AND THE MOTIVES:

I’d highly recommend reading this R&S which @ey8508 has translated, in order to know in details about how the internal composition of BS works under Victor’s leadership and what their motives are.

However, I’d note down a few key points for the ease (contains slight spoilers from chapters past 6):

Aside from being the organization which keeps the records of all kinds of Evolver related cases and keeps things from festering further, doing investigations on cases necessary– it’s also a research organization in its entirety, and have their own high-tech equipments and extremely qualified researchers. They do research on Evol related particles such as: Small Syringes, the pathological changes in an Evolver’s body due to merely having Evol etc.

Unlike S1, They can’t do whatever they want in the name of experimenting. Everything has to strictly proceed according to the rules.

Since it’s an organization consisting of Evolvers from all walks of life, the “ego” issues are still very much present. Everyone still have conflicting opinions on how evolution should be achieved.

Victor, however, as the BOSS of BS, he has been constantly delaying this evolution experiment throughout his time at the organization. In this process, he shoulders many burdens as well, of course. :<

MC being the confidant of the BOSS has given rise to various conflicts within the organization, too. There have been several direct attempts to remove MC from Victor’s side and tear down Victor himself, aside from the constant indirect attempts. :<

The identity of the BOSS being unknown is also a huge issue for the “nosy” members, and the “pride” of being elites has led to the displeasure of having to “comply with” the “young” BOSS’s methods of doing things.

Anticipating the possible break down it could lead to, Victor has already made a second root-cleaning in the entire organization far before a commotion could take place, and keeps on adding new members whom he rightfully deems to be talented and capable enough to carry out the responsibility. In the process, he has also rightfully earned the respects of everyone within BS.

As of now, BS is still working on developing pharmaceuticals related to Evolvers and related research, but their “hunting” for CORE as an “organization” has been put to an end for the time being, thus end to the “evolution experiment” as well. BS’s reputation has risen along the way too.

On the other hand, the CORE related investigations are being handled by MC, and Victor himself. The goal is trying to find the gene before anyone else can and lead to any unfortunate events.

For the sake of the storyline– This is only the story on BS’s part and how it operates under Victor. There are several enemy troops in the journey, wanting to prevent them and gaining the treasure first, which leads to huge mess along the way, of course. ತ_ತ

◇──◆──◇──◆

As for why BS keeps a low-profile and the confidentiality:

ON ONE HAND: As you might already understand from the entire discussion above, to run something this huge smoothly, single-handedly, confidentiality is necessary.

ON THE OTHER HAND: well, the BOSS of this organization is a mysterious identity to the outside world–

who in fact runs an even lower-profile restaurant;

who charges a homeless man for his lunch by packing two extra lunch box for the man, sends out his own recipes to help out the diners out of business, but not under his identity;

whose past-self created a safe harbor for Evolvers in S1 (No-man’s-island) despite all the burdens and kept his own identity a secret to the outside world till the end (nearing the end i.e CH 37, LFG was known to fund the organization, but the person in charge of No man’s Island was never disclosed outside the Evolvers within it, but he was suspected of course HAHA);

who practically carried the weight of the entire world on his shoulders, and never uttered a single word about it;

Shouldn’t come as a surprise that– as the never changing human he is– regardless of time and space, he prefers being discreet and doesn’t expect anything in return for his silent service. :>

◇──◆──◇──◆

I tried to be as thoroughly detailed as possible, so it became larger than expected, but I hope it answered your questions. And if you have more curiosity, feel free to send in another ask!

And, there’s ever no need to say sorry while asking about Victor, I would never ever get tired of rambling on this man! (｡•́︿•̀｡)♡

—

[radiantmists]

i feel like this is gonna be an unpopular opinion but i sometimes see people talk about grizzop as a sort of paragon of logic and morality and it always bugs me.

bc like. yes, i love grizzop. and i think it’s clear that he is very much trying to be good, and he’s very committed to doing what he sees as the right thing. 

but the same are true for azu and hamid and plenty of characters, and i don’t think he’s any better at moral reasoning than most of the rest of the party. i think the impression that he is comes from his unshakeable confidence and his mastery of what I’ve started to think of as catholic logic. 

(this is fairly stream of consciousness and i’m not gonna tag it bc it’s not gonna be entirely coherent or especially well argued, i’m just getting some thoughts down. but my understanding is that sometimes untagged stuff shows up in search, plus ig i have followers, so feel free to reply and discuss this, i’d actually love that. but not much i say here is stuff i’m super confident about so... please don’t get too offended by my wrongness. just tell me why you feel im wrong without aggression, or move on.)

the first bit is the confidence. we don’t ever see grizzop have a moral crisis in the way that most of the other characters do. I can’t think of a time that he’s appeared to look back on something he’s done and wonder if it was wrong; the closest that occurs to me is when he regretted shooting the guy’s legs off in the cairo bar, but tbh i think that was more of a judgement error where he expected to hurt the person much less than he did. we don’t see him question things like flooding the orc town near damascus or dragging sasha into the politics of ancient rome when she didn’t want to be, and honestly, i think this lack is mostly to do with how short a time he was with the party.

most of the arcs he were present for were focused on hamid and sasha’s growth. where he played respectively the accuser and the protector, both roles that made him look good because they cast him as the arbiter of who was right. 

i think hamid, especially, bought into this in the cairo arc, because i think hamid is very consciously in the process of recalibrating his moral compass at the time and he has a marked tendency to do so based on the people he admires-- and the loudest voice in the room. hamid really doesn’t like people he admires having a problem with him, and he already felt that he wasn’t necessarily a good person, so he was very open to seeing grizzop or azu as the authority on whether he could be good, and since grizzop pushed where azu prevaricated, grizzop was the one who got the final say.

but in the same arc, you can see sasha and azu starting to question grizzop’s moral compass; sasha notices how legalistic grizzop’s judgement is, and that it really ought to condemn her too, while azu takes issue with how brutal grizzop’s methods are (see punching wilde). but neither of them are willing to press the issue with him at that point, and so he’s never really confronted with something that contradicts him.

and notably, grizzop’s confidence comes from the obvious source: he believes that artemis is inviolably good, and he knows she approves of what he’s doing because his powers still work. but there’s an arrogance here, too, a very strong belief in his own moral superiority with the slightest confirmation; look at rome, where he refuses to listen to azu and ed’s assertions that there’s something wrong with the gods there, because he was able to bull through to artemis the one time he tried, so obviously he must just be a better paladin of a better god, right?

grizzop has very strong beliefs and opinions, and he takes whatever route works best to fulfill them-- both in terms of actions, and in terms of logic. take his decision to forgive/endorse hamid near the end of the cairo arc: by his own assertions, people should experience consequences for their actions, and we know he knows what manslaughter is because he brings it up when hamid first starts talking about accidental murder. but where saleh and carter belong in jail because they’re ~bad~, hamid is allowed to continue on because he’s ‘trying to be better’, never mind that that  was hamid’s whole argument about why saleh didn’t deserve to go to jail. plus, saleh’s one goal when he thought he’d killed someone was to resurrect them, which imo makes a lot more sense as a redemptive gesture than going around killing entirely unrelated people. the rules are different because grizzop likes hamid (and probably a bit because ben didn’t want to break the party, but shhh).

this twisting of the logic to fit what you’re trying to prove is what i mean by ‘catholic logic’ (i’m catholic dont @ me); it sounds really good if you don’t think about it too hard, but in fact it’s generally post-facto rationalizations for decisions that have already been made.

grizzop is very enthusiastic about poking holes in other people’s moral reasoning, as we see with apophis, but i think his issue is that he’s got a blind spot when he looks at himself and his own decisions. in grizzop’s world, grizzop is right as long as artemis is still with him and everything else comes after.

now i’m personally of  the opinion that alex doesn’t bother/want to engage with the idea that gods take away powers, post-poseidon nonsense, which if true i sympathize with; doing so is either going to lead to the sort of inscrutability zolf had a meltdown over, or put a player in the weird position of making their character do what alex has decided their god would require or having to entirely reinvent the character without those divine powers.

on another meta level, my understanding is that grizzop  was designed to be very resistant to doubt because of ben’s difficulties playing zolf, so i think he might have been nearly as resistant to growth on that front as bertie was in general, because believing unshakeably that he’s right is a core element of his character. 

but i think if grizzop had lived longer, alex absolutely would have done some hammering at that absolute conviction. that might have come in the form of vesseek and the fact that grizzop is apparently an absentee father; even if he is sending home money, i can’t imagine that not being something that gets mined for angst. 

i also think he would have eventually come into a similar sort of conflict with azu, sasha, or cel (whoever was there) that zolf is in right now, where he absolutely believes that whatever killing he’s committed/intending to commit is not only right but a moral imperative, and they disagree. 

now whatever side you fall on in the barrett debate, i think grizzop ought to be a lot less willing than zolf to say ‘i’m not gonna go through you lot to do it’, not because i’m convinced grizzop would be hugely more willing to physically fight the rest of the team over it, we know that despite his practicality he seems to overlook some ‘’’wobbles’’’ in people he already cares about,  but because zolf is capable of giving up on something in a way that grizzop just isn’t. i dont know how that would play out; chances are, it would get interrupted by a fight, but. who knows.

[sprawa-przybyszewskiej]

Gnostic inspirations in Przybyszewska’s works

At the highest point of her intellectual life, Stanisława Przybyszewska spent over 12 hours each day simply on writing her own works, continously, and with maniacal care, educating herself on absolutely everything (she was constantly looking for fields in which she might be a natural genius) and she rarely did anything else at all, which included things like earning a wage or sweeping her own floors. The effect of such existence was of course that she was severely depressed, but also thoroughly educated. It means that traces of whatever matter from history or philosophy can be spotted in her works, are most likely intentional and put there exactly with the hopes of showing her erudice.

One of such matters was gnosticism. Gnosticism is a set of beliefs which put emphasis on obtaining liberation from this life through gnosis (knowledge) and cast aside all that is not of the mind – so not only the flesh, but also the spirit. Without going into details of some specific gnostic rite it is simpler to say that gnostics value gnosis higher than any of their base beliefs and teachings (in Europe gnostics are mostly mentioned in relation to early christianity, Cathars are an example of this). Then the contrast one can find within religion (for example sin and liberation from it) is replaced with earthly illusion and gnosis, which frees one from the illusion and guarantees a higher level of life, of sorts (in gnostic beliefs, our presence on Earth is not linear, leading from birth, through life and death to afterlife, but resembles more of a ladder, with each rung leading closer to obtaining total knowledge, and simultenously losing all that tethers one to earthly illusions.

In literature, strong contrasts are a good indication we can look into it to spot gnostic inspirations or at the very least make a strong case they could be there, even if unintentional. In Przybyszewska's case, however,  they are all the more probable, for I vaguely recall she was well aware of the presence of these beliefs and everything she wrote on the nature of genius points in the same direction, too. She held these beliefs in her own, private set of core values, and there isn't any better place for her to show them to us but through her works. She presented us with an utopian vision of mental progress in her plays, while in her prose works, she focused on the darker side of the same things.

The axis of conflict in gnosticism is between the mind and the spirit. Robespierre is without a doubt a man of the mind much more so than of the spirit, and all the important figures surrouding him are more on the spiritual side of things (with Camille being the most prominent in this regard). Maxime has achieved the gnosis, the crown that will burn [his] brains right through.Before it happens, though, he is elevated onto another plane of understanding, a place where no other person can reach him, or even understand him:

Danton, of course, is lying.

(There is, sadly, no French translation of Thermidor; on another note, it took me this long to realize the French decided to change the person's tag from Camille to Desmoulines, which is suprising in the best sense of the word).

Robspierre is clearly constructed to be a genius, standing above everybody else and thus bearing greater responsibility, something which demands of him more than it does of others.  Madness which he suspects within himself at the end  is only a threat because it potentially leads to commiting mistakes, and a mistake is an unforgivable offence when it is committed by the one who ought to know better. Mistakes by a hand of another – for example Camille – are a different story altogether, for the majority of people not only don't achieve gnosis, but even cannot achieve it, their mental state isn't developed enough for them to grasp at the higher concepts. I think this is one of the reasons why Saint-Just's words: It is not madness, it's despair, are actually calming Robespierre down. Despair is simply a sign of being weary, something to be expected.

Maxime's knowledge and better judgement of everything is of course still a curse, leading to his death. In gnosticism, death isn't meant in a macabre sense, since it leads to yet another, higher rung of the metaphorical ladder we're standing on, but the gnosis obtained beforehand makes a death a good one instead of a waste. When Robespierre is going through his moment of despair at the end of The Danton Case, he betrays the gnosis he has in favour of admiting that the future will turn out differently than what could be expected: his death won't be a natural progression, but a failure, his depaire sets him back into the crowd of the sad, grey mass of the people who are not – like him – predestined to understand more.

From the linguistic point of view, I find it interesting that in the original and in the French version, he is using somewhat esoteric language (the future is under the sign of Danton – to my eyes, it is a clear refereance to the Zodiac signs, something which is supposed to predestine our futures, and which is also esoteric and ritualistic; given all the hints that she was abused by her satanist father, it makes a really sad, hopeless final note on the grand scheme of things for the humanity, that we, as humans, are incapable of running away from the brute forces which will continue to rule us simply because the world is built like this – not to mention the inability to change the future or even just the fate of one's life is a staple of gnostic beliefs).

No matter what he says about it, the inability to escape from one's fate is something which we rarely associate with Robespierre, because – as much as Przybyszewska makes it clear, thet he is a genius and thus everything he does he is not only allowed to do, but must do it for the greater good – he seems a bit like a self-made man, perhaps because we see him all the time in situations which are hard and difficult, but not impossible. A much more tragic situtation of the lack of escape from his own poor choices is being presented to us through Camille.

Camille has had a chance to be continously tethered to Maxime, securing for himself relevant safety in the public life, and calmess or even happiness in his private one. Yet he breaks with Robespierre over and over again, starting even before the plot of the play. Maxime reaches out to him against his better judgement, and Camille – also against his better judgement – decides to stay loyal to Danton. He is as if glued to his leader, even though he sees him clearly for what he is. Camille is an apotheosis of a spiritual being, someone ruled by impulses, perhaps even with the best of intentions, but whose mind will never achieve gnosis, the clear vision of what is right and true. When Robespierre argues with the Committee by demanding they leave Danton (and Camille by proxy) alone, he plots against Maxime in his newspaper; when Robespierre goes to him under the cover of night, he doesn't want to see him and then throws him out; when Robespierre tries to either break him free from the prison or at the very least console him by admitting his love (I never actually knew what was his plan here), he follows the advice of his bad influences and doesn't admit him. It's as if a strange force kept him by Danton's side, and I don't think it was any normal feeling (of shame or guilt) keeping him away from Maxime. In The Last Nights of Ventose he makes it quite clear being a stronger person's lap dog would never bring him shame, but honour, thus I don't think he'd have any problem with returning to Robespierre after a long while of abuse and slander.

The relationship Camille has with Danton is another aspect of gnosticism, namely its duality. Danton is a stand-in for Maxime, which doesn't work because Danton is anti-Robespierre, his negative double (much like in some gnostic beliefs world was created and being conducted by two gods, one good and one evil). It is unclear whether Camille had any real, true potential to serve "good" Robespierre, but  even if he didn't, if his friableness kept him from serving a greater purpose (which I don't know if I believe, in The Last Nights of Ventose we are presented with a very different portrayal of Camille, one who could achieve something much greater than he did if only he was by Robespierre's side at all times), serving the "evil" Danton couldn't possibly have a good outcome.

He even does return to Robespierre, for a short while, steered by emotions rather than anything else. But in this dualistic, gnostic reality, emotions have little to do, they aren't worth very much. What's more, if we focus solely on Camille, we have to admit that – as in every story, revolving around a single character – a person is in a way stuck in time. He can go about in the space his life takes, but time is more like a deity, untouchable and something you cannot pact with. For Camille, it doesn't matter how many times and at what point in time (before their fallout, during the crisis or at the last hour) Maxime asks him to break with Danton and go back to him, because time and predestined fate hold all the power of what is happening, while individuals hold none (and the aforementioned last statement of Robespierre explains right away that it is so even for the "great" individuals, who in other aspects are being held to different standards, but against time and fate they are just as powerless).

I like to think, though, that Przybyszewska has left a small postern for Camille to achieve gnosis or its more humane equivalent by drawing a symbolic parallel between two scenes, which are only made significat by their possible relating to each other, but mean next to nothing on heir own:

In the first scene, the key could have been a completely incidental choice of words/tools, after all it's a logical conclusion of the scene. There is, however, a more symbolic reading of it, as a key is of course a symbol, and a pretty easy one at that. If Camille gave Robespierre the key himself, this could be read as an end to their relationship, Camille returning the power  that Maxime holds over him to Maxime's own hands. But since we only see Lucille relay the key, and we know that Lucille is also capable of influencing her husband and directing his steps (even if she says she can't; Robespierre's words, seeing as he's the genius here, are the final judgement of this), this could mean she is giving her portion of power to Maxime, whom she trusts to save her husband. And Maxime uses this one more time, when he tries to visit Camille in prison. That he fails miserably is against Camille's wishes, because Camille even in his demise only succumbs to wishes of others.

But we know he regrets this step mightily and we know it precisely because he dreams (or rather has a nightmare) about the very key he was supposed to convey to Robespierre earlier. He regrets the desire to give Maxime his power back, he regrets that by doing so in any way, shape or form he has finally given up his life. Choosing a beautiful death over an ugly, humiliating life only sounded good in his head, but in truth, he is beyond terrified and would love nothing more but to Maxime to come in again and if not save him, then at the very least – forgive him. But for that, they'd have to meet again, and he couldn't throw Maxime out. I also don't understand why both the English and French translation added the word "effortlessly" when describing his last moment with Robespierre, because make no mistake, it is very much an unnecessary addition, going against everything that he has been portrayed like so far. Their last conversation is just as much a tragic one for Camille as it is for Maxime.

Przybyszewska took great pains to paint Camille in front of our eyes as someone so weak that we find him as more of a comic relief than anything else, but in reality he is just a differing portrayal of powerlessness when faced with fate. Camille is not a comical character, but a tragic one, he is just the same as Robespierre, his other half: they both believe in their own agency, they both believe they are the ones making choices and pushing their lives forward, but it is not a coincidence that they both end up in he very same place, in a span of mere weeks.

This post would not have been born if it weren't for @patricidefan​.

[dansantcaparet]

In 1997, it was obvious to me that Cloud loved Aerith more than Tifa.

Not until I went online all these years later did I discover (shockingly) that the American FFVII fanbase had been purposely misled by egotistical, pompous, self-righteous nerd boys (who now have egg on their face in-light of the Remake). 

If you notice, Cloti’s have been working double-time since the Remake came out. Why is that? Well, it’s because the Remake is confirming what we have always known since the OG: despite technically being a love triangle, SE wanted most gamers to play their first playthrough the Clerith way. Aerith automatically starts off with more love points than Tifa, and the Clerith date is the “normally occurring” date. 

Clerith is the “normally occurring” couple. 

So why did Cloti’s decide to launch a campaign to delegitimize Clerith? And how did they do it? 

When FFVII first came out in 1997, many western gamers didn’t understand Aerith. She was (literally) foreign to them. Japanese animation was still very niche back then.

Though the Japanese adored Aerith’s spunky personality & pink dress (and saw her as the obvious romantic interest for Cloud), many men in the United States thought her hair was “ugly,” and that her personality was “annoying.” Far too “anime” for their taste. They preferred Tifa — the loyal, more American looking childhood friend — the “girl-next-door.” Plus, her big boobs didn’t hurt, either.

Of course, since FFVII inherently revolves around a love triangle, there is an OPTION to play it the Tifa way.

However, as a kid in 1997, I never saw Tifa as a threat. I saw her as the secondary, optional way to play the game. The girl you would pick on your second playthrough.  

When you consider...

Official Yoshitaka Amano artwork depicting Cloud x Aerith

Beginning love point totals (you have to make counterintuitive choices to catch Tifa up to Aerith’s automatic 1st place position)

The non-optional bodyguard agreement

The “normally” occurring CxA Gold Saucer date

Numerous flirtatious moments & obvious hints

Tifa’s constant jealousy

Promised Land scene non-optionally occurring *AFTER* the inherently variable Highwind scene

Frequent CxA cameos

Aerith being the first & last image we see in the entire game

…it is clear Tifa never held a candle to Aerith as the heroine, or as the primary love interest for Cloud.  

To put it simply — Aerith was created first by SE. Tifa was created second. Aerith is the primary love interest. Tifa is the secondary love interest. Obvious common sense.

Unfortunately, fueled by their unyielding, irrational hatred of all things Aerith, they successfully sold the myth (for years) that Cloud x Tifa is the official canon couple of FFVII, thereby brainwashing the entire American fandom against Cloud x Aerith.

They reduced & twisted Cloud’s “undying” love for Aerith as “guilt.”

Saying that even though Cloud chooses to live in Aerith’s Church, has his heart broken every time he visits her grave, reconnects with her in Flower Fields (and cameos), and seeks to find her in the Promised Land, it is somehow all due to guilt over the death of a mere friend. Saying that anything romantic shown in the OG is all a result of Zack (ie: attempted delegitimization).

I guess the symbolism of Cloud’s continued love for Aerith, and all the nuances that entails, is too cultured & sophisticated for them to comprehend. Or maybe they are purposely not comprehending the obvious?

Thankfully, the Japanese understand what all of this means. So why don’t western fans?

The only logical conclusion is because of their deep, burning, irrational hatred of Aerith as a character. Always minimizing & downplaying her role as the first & true heroine & love interest to Cloud.

But now, with the Remake perfecting Aerith’s look & personality, and making it crystal clear that these are Cloud’s REAL feelings, and that Aerith wants to move FORWARD from Zack, you are now seeing a significant swing within the fandom towards Cloud x Aerith.

The myth has finally been exposed & debunked. 

Due to this, Cloti’s are currently working double-time to try to convince us that their ship is a “slow-burn.” 

Sadly, the other side has spent years using Crisis Core & Advent Children to their advantage by manipulating & brainwashing those new to the FFVII fanbase. Pretending as if Disc 1 of the OG never happened. Saying Crisis Core makes Zerith canon, and Advent Children makes Cloti canon. Simple & easy for the masses to understand, right? 

So how, exactly, did they convince millions to believe their great myth?

1. Cloud & Aerith only liked each other because of Zack.  Response:

The relationship between Zack & Aerith in CC is officially described as a minor infatuation between two juveniles, much like Cloud’s childhood crush on Tifa.  

In the OG, Aerith says her and Zack were NEVER serious, that their relationship is “in the past now,” and that he probably moved on to someone else because he’s a “real lady’s man.”  

On the “normally occurring” CxA Gold Saucer date, Aerith confirms that although she initially liked Cloud because of Zack, she has grown to like Cloud for Cloud.

Within the lifestream, Aerith tells Zack that she prefers Cloud’s personality over his, and that she will only call Zack if she gets “really lonely.”

In the Remake, Aerith states she wants to move FORWARD with her life in regards to Zack.

In official sources, Aerith is stated as saying she loves Cloud MORE than Zack.

Cloud is stated to be Aerith’s “koibito” (“lover” in Japanese).  

Yes — Cloud adopted some memories & mannerisms from Zack, but he never transformed 100% into Zack.

It is a myth that Cloud & Aerith’s love is null-and-void because of Zack. CC is a retcon.  Don’t let them use Zack to erase Clerith. 

2. Tifa wins by default due to being alive.

Response:

Tifa winning by default due to being alive is why the other side hopes to god Aerith doesn’t live in the Remake.

You may personally prefer Tifa, but in the OG, Cloud himself clearly prefers Aerith over Tifa, and the other side knows it (just look at the Shinra jail cell moment). When Tifa observes Cloud and Aerith falling in love, she flips out in a jealous rage. 

Tifa only has a chance once Aerith is out of the picture. If Aerith lives, it is all but over for Tifa. 

Even in death, Cloud has an “undying” love for Aerith that will never go away. Tifa knows this to be true and is stated to be jealous of Cloud’s continued feelings for Aerith.

In the AC credits, Tactics cameo, and the Dissidia cameo, it is clear Cloud still wants to meet and be with Aerith in the Promised Land. Denying the common sense symbolism of this is a sign of someone who has a deep-rooted bias against Aerith.    

Furthermore, Cloud and Tifa are in an established “family of friends,” share zero romantic moments, have tons of continued jealousy, fighting, and sleep in separate rooms. Plus, Barret returns to living with them in DoC. Tifa is never upgraded to anything beyond “childhood friend.” 

Cloud & Tifa only have the possibility of being a thing if Aerith is out of the picture. Aerith is #1. Tifa is #2. The other side better pray to god Aerith doesn’t live in the Remake.  

And even if Aerith dies, Cloud & Aerith will always remain a tragic star-crossed love story where Cloud forever wants to meet her in the Promised Land. Tifa’s continued jealousy confirms this to be true.

[clareguilty]

Pulled Punches

Soldier 76/f!reader Rating: Explicit | No Warnings Word Count:  ~3000

A smutty gift fic for a friend ;)

“You’re pulling your punches,” Jack crossed his arms. You could imagine his look of disapproval behind his visor.

“No I’m not.” Your response was immediate. Childish. He may have been right, after all. You flipped the grip on your training knife, taking a defensive stance.

“You aren’t attacking with your full weight. If you don’t put more force into it, you won’t do any lasting damage.” 

It was frustrating, training CQC with a literal supersoldier. You were untrained, yet you were going up against someone twice your size and with years more experience than you. Jack had beat you every single round for the last half hour, but he refused to let up.

Even though he had his visor on, he was dressed down to just a black tshirt and pants without any of his armor or gear. It was hot as hell in the desert, and you had followed suit in just a loose sleeveless top and some leggings. It was becoming harder and harder to focus as your heart pounded with exertion and Jack’s muscles flexed under his shirt. Why the hell was he so ripped? You had watched him rip a steel door off its hinges two days ago, and now you couldn’t take your eyes off the way his biceps moved under his sleeves.

“Agent, focus,” he snapped. You glared at him. 

“Focus on what?” you asked, cocking your head. You were getting tired of this.

Your insubordination must have struck a nerve, because Jack darted forward in an instant, knife drawn faster than you could blink. You sidestepped, ducking under his outstretched arm and taking a few quick swipes at his midsection. He knocked you with his unarmed elbow, and you stumbled back. A boot swept behind your ankles. Suddenly, you were looking up at Jack as he knelt to roll you and pin your knife arm behind your back.

“Fuck you,” you hissed.

He chuckled. The sound made your blood boil. “You need to attack from your core, that’s the only way you’ll have enough strength to disarm your opponent. Don’t worry about hurting me. I can take it.”

“Let me up,” you hit the ground. You didn’t want to admit that you liked the heat of Jack’s hand against your back, or the feeling of his weight on top of you.

He relented, stepping back as you pulled yourself to your feet and readjusted your stance yet again. You were pissed. This whole thing felt pointless. You would never be able to beat Jack. Would you even be good enough to make it out in the field? You had been traveling with Soldier 76 for a few months, and it was hard not to feel like dead weight. He was an ex commander. You were just some naive kid who didn’t know when to quit.

So you squared your shoulders and readied your blade. Jack only seemed amused by your anger. He probably thought it was pitiful.

Except when he attacked this time, you didn’t just sidestep. You dropped low underneath his attack, stepping in close and headbutting him right in the stupid fucking visor.

The impact made your vision go white. Still, you shoved into him with everything you could manage, forcing him back half a step. His balance was unshakeable, but you were too damn mad to even bother taking him down. You just went for blow after blow until he pushed you off of him.

It was a quick reset for you, and you lunged again. This time, he trapped your arm with his, blocking your next swing. You reached to grapple, but he trapped that arm as well. Your leg was lifted and you went down swiftly but gently.

You were pinned beneath Jack, snarling and furious. He pulled the knife from your hand far too easily for your liking. 

“That was great,” he praised you, never breaking his hold on you. “Much better.”

“You motherfucker. Don’t patronize me.” You were fed up with Jack constantly talking down to you.

“I’m not,” he insisted. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Just get the fuck off me,” you shoved at him. He backed off and offered a hand to help you up, which you ignored. You stormed back to the bunker, fed up with sparring for the day.

The bunker was an old shelter from the omnic crisis, set into the side of a hill and pretty well fortified as well as off the grid. You didn’t question how Jack knew to find it, or how well stocked it was -- as though someone had been through recently and replenished the supplies. It was one room with an adjoining bathroom, minimal counter space, gas cooktop, low cots scattered about and an old sofa with a coffee table strewn with incomplete decks of cards.

Jack didn’t come back inside until later; he probably wanted to give you a chance to cool off. 

“I’ve got food,” he announced as he pushed open the heavy door. The smell of meat and corn hit your nose, and suddenly you were much more forgiving.

You dug into your portion. Jack ate on the other side of the room, but you could feel his eyes on you. 

“What?” you demanded around a mouthful of food.

Jack chuckled and shook his head. “You are the most insubordinate little shit I’ve ever had the pleasure of traveling with --  and that includes Jesse McCree of all people.”

You scowled and turned away.

“I’m very proud of you,” Jack said, and you nearly choked on your food. “You learn fast, and you train hard. It’s good to see you’re improving every day.”

“It’s not enough,” you shrugged.

“What do you mean ‘not enough’? You’re picking up combat skills on the fly as fast as any of the best recruits I trained back in Overwatch. I’m amazed at how well you understand everything, it doesn’t come easy to everyone.”

“But it’s not fast enough,” you turned to face him. “I’m still years behind everyone else. Shrike? Reaper? Widowmaker? They’re the best at what they do. Even the fucking cowboy can aim while he’s drunk. If I keep dragging you down, you’re going to get hurt.”

Jack seemed shocked by your outburst. “I wouldn’t keep you around if I didn’t think you could handle it. I knew the risks when I let you travel with me.”

It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You weren’t sure what you wanted to hear. “I’m going to shower and get some sleep.” Your chair scraped across the floor.

You had grown used to the closeness that came with traveling with Soldier 76. The shared space, the unspoken boundaries. He had spent years living in close quarters with other soldiers on the field. Your life had left you no stranger to such things either. 

Except for the feelings you constantly tried to push down. The respect and adoration for this hero who had picked you up off the ground. You had tried to play it off as admiration for his service, and a stupid celebrity crush, misplaced feelings because Jack was the only person you saw most days. But that wasn’t the truth. It was something deeper, something dangerous. You had fallen for this man who was training you, caring for you. 

Too bad he would never feel the same.

‘Agent.’ ‘Recruit.’ That’s all you were. Jack was a hero, more than you would ever be. You were nothing to him. It hurt. You settled in on your cot, facing the wall and counting the minutes until Jack turned the lights off. 

-

You woke up screaming. Gasping for air. Someone was there, and you lashed out without thinking.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Jack’s rough voice brought you back to reality. “It’s me. I’m right here.”

Jack. He was alive. He was safe. You fisted your hands in the worn material of his shirt and buried your face in his chest. Your cheeks were wet with tears.

“You had a nightmare,” he said calmly. “Have you been having them recently?”

You nodded, clinging to him desperately in case he tried to disappear. “Ever since we faced Reaper in Mexico City.”

Jack hummed. He was thinking. “You’re worried he could have killed you?”

“I’m worried he could have killed you,” you shuddered. “He almost did.”

A hand smoothed down your back, rubbing large circles. “He’s almost killed me a hundred times.”

“Not helping.”

“No,” Jack breathed, “I guess not.” He moved to sit on the tiny cot, pulling you into his lap and holding you to him. “I thought you would be glad to be rid of me? No one to kick your ass in training.”

“Still not helping,” you said.

“Alright. I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’m too damn stubborn and petty to die at this point. And these days I’ve actually got something to fight for. Something worth protecting.” His voice, normally so strong and commanding, wavered just a bit. 

“What’s that?” You finally looked up at him, tear-stained and trembling. 

He leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead.

“You bastard,” you cursed and beat a fist against his chest.

“What did I do this time?” He asked. He was smiling, you could hear it.

“Don’t you know I’m in love with you?” It wasn’t how you wanted to confess. You hadn’t wanted to confess at all. You were fine taking your feelings to the grave rather than face this kind of vulnerability.

He froze. A moment of careful consideration. Risk evaluation. 

“I thought you were smarter than that,” he finally admitted.

“I thought I was too,” you huffed.

“You need sleep,” he said, trying to change the subject.

“You’re supposed to tell me to get over it.” Why was he still holding you? Why hadn’t he pushed you away? He should have been disgusted. Offended.

“What?”

“You’re supposed to tell me that I’m a reckless kid and I need to get over my feelings for you.” You needed that closure, needed a push in the right direction.

“I… can’t do that.” He sounded miserable. Defeated.

“I thought you were a hero?” Why were you still letting him hold you? Why were you so comfortable in his arms? You should have been disgusted.

“I’m a sad old fool. And I love you too.”

It should have been the type of revelation that made everything change. You should have felt your heart race and your cheeks flush and it should have been everything you had ever dreamed. Instead, you were coming off an adrenaline crash after your nightmare, and you could barely keep your eyes open as you breathed in the smell of leather and pulse munitions.

You would deal with this later. Everything later.

-

You woke groggy and way warmer than you would have liked to be. Lifting your head, you realized you were sleeping on Jack’s chest, one of his arms thrown around you protectively.

“Oh, fuck,” you groaned.

“I feel that,” Jack said, not moving. He had probably been awake for a while, lying perfectly still. Was he scared of something?

“You’re not actually in love with me, are you?” You squinted, trying to remember what dumb shit you had said last night.

“I should be asking you the same question.”

“Am I in trouble?” you asked.

“What would you be in trouble for?” Jack pushed up to his elbows, letting you sit against the wall and drag your hands down your face.

“I don’t know? You’re the commander or whatever. Isn’t it against the rules for me to want to fuck you?”

Jack made a choked sound. He flushed pink to the tips of his ears before finding his words. “Well, I’m not a commander anymore. And I think I’d be in even bigger trouble for wanting to be with you.”

It was your turn to stutter and flail. The thought of your feelings being reciprocated was still foreign. “We’re fucking idiots,” you groaned.

“Well,” Jack said, “What do you want to do next?”

“What do I want to do?” you asked incredulously. “If I had my way, you’d be pinning me to this cot, and I wouldn’t be able to remember my own name.”

It was a bluff. An exaggeration. An attempt to break the tension. You didn’t think he would take it seriously.

He moved too quickly. You didn’t stand a chance, still half asleep and reeling. And there you were, on your back, staring up at Jack’s gorgeous blue eyes as he smirked and settled his weight on top of you.

“Have I ever told you that you run your mouth off too much?” he asked.

For once, you were speechless. No witty remark, no spitfire comeback. You just wanted Jack to kiss you, but you couldn’t even find the words to ask for it.

“That’s better,” he teased you. He leaned down to capture your lips with his own and you moaned against his mouth. It was everything you had dreamed it would be. And you had dreamed about this a lot.

You rolled your hips up to grind against Jack. He groaned low in his throat and rocked back against you. “You’ll let me know if you’re uncomfortable?”

“Just don’t stop,” you fisted your hands in his shirt and pulled him to you. You had only gotten this far by some fluke, and you weren’t about to let it slip away. Your hands wandered everywhere, broad shoulders, thick arms, hard chest, firm ass. Jack seemed all too pleased by your admiration, he basked in it with a cocky grin. “Kiss me you cocky piece of shit,” you rolled your eyes.

A firm hand grabbed at your ass, and Jack growled in your ear, “Is that any way to speak to your commander?”

You moaned and let your head tip back so he could drag his teeth over your pulse point. It was a blinding sensation, and you retaliated by grabbing Jack’s cock through his pants. He was hard already. His grip on your ass tightened, a low moan escaping him.

“Is that what you want, sweetheart? You want Daddy’s cock?” He forced you to meet his eyes, holding your gaze as he waited for a response.

“Fuck that’s hot. That’s kinda weird, but it’s hot. Why is it hot?” You weren’t expecting it, but the way it made your stomach flip -- you were definitely into it.

He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I want you to fuck me,” you huffed.

“That’s a good girl,” he said, kissing you once more. This time, the two of you shed clothes piece by piece. Jack marveled at your chest when you tossed your shirt to the ground. He brushed his rough fingers over your nipples, delighting at your reaction. He didn’t need any encouragement to begin kissing over the sensitive skin, taking your nipples into his mouth.

“Jack,” you moaned.

“That’s it sweetheart. Tell Daddy what you want.” He pulled your leggings off and nudged your thighs apart, teasing you with delicate fingers.

You hated it. Hated having to ask for such dirty, embarrassing things when Jack clearly knew what you wanted. But damn if it didn’t make you wet.

“Inside --” You squeezed your eyes shut and bucked your hips. “I need you inside of me, Daddy.”

It was the magic word. Jack couldn’t control himself after hearing it. He stroked your clit and pressed a finger inside of you, quickly adding a second. You moaned and palmed his cock as best you could through his underwear. He was big -- bigger than you had imagined. Damn super soldiers.

It felt amazing, and you would have been happy to come just like that, but Jack wanted more.

“I need to be inside you,” he growled. He kicked off the last of his clothes, stroking his cock before settling between your legs. “Is that okay, baby?”

You nodded, trying to pull him in closer to you. “Please,” you whined.

He rubbed his cock along your entrance, pressing the tip in slightly. “I’ve got you,” he pulled you against him as he pressed forward. It was a stretch, but Jack kissed you so sweetly, whispering to you. He waited, watched your expression and held still until you gave him permission to move.

It was slow, careful, at first. Both of you trying to match the other. You finally found a rhythm that felt right, and Jack began to move quicker and quicker, harder and harder. You clung to him tightly, kissing sloppily over his neck and jaw. It felt so good, everything you had ever wanted. 

Jack’s hand slipped between your bodies, a few strokes over your clit and you came around his cock. He held you as you shook and gasped, sinking your teeth into his shoulder to muffle your moans.

“That’s it, baby.” He laid you gently on your back. “Let Daddy take care of you.”

He didn’t slow, continuing to fuck you as you worked through the aftershocks of your orgasm. He was getting closer. The pace of his hips faltered. “I’m close,” he moaned.

He pulled out as he came, stroking himself and spilling across your chest. It was messy, and you would have been annoyed if it wasn’t so damn hot. Jack stilled for a moment, but he made no move to lay down or clean up.

“Jack?” you asked. He leaned forward and kissed you, pressing your foreheads together,

“Are you able to go again?” he asked.

You were surprised, but you found yourself nodding. Jack was just as careful this time, making sure you were as comfortable as possible before taking you once more. He worked you to a slower, softer orgasm.

You came down from the high, and things started to become too much. It wasn’t the same blinding pleasure anymore. Jack didn’t seem to be tired at all. He brushed your hair out of your eyes, trailing a thumb over your lips. “Hold on, baby. Just a little bit more.”

He came again over your chest. You lay there painting as he shuddered through his second orgasm. This time, he wiped you down carefully, splitting a bottle of water with you. He pulled you close to him. 

“You’re still hard?” You felt his cock against you.

“Don’t worry about it -- super soldier shit.” He nuzzled against your skin. “We’re not training today. I just want to lay here.”

You were perfectly fine with that.

Masterlist

[yourpakichic]

Episode 11 thoughts ⁃ A hand hold and a cheek kiss all within the opening scene? Someone call me an ambulance cause I’m dead. Also peep that smug smile on Serkan’s face after grabbing her hand. Sir sit down, you are already doing too much! That’s the most natural skinship scene I’ve seen between these two. Serkan has always looked a little bit uncomfortable with hand holding and other things but that was just so natural and just flowed! ⁃ The lyrics of that song and their expressions throughout were absolute perfection! ⁃ Gosh I really have a love and hate relationship with Aydan. She keeps pushing Selin and Serkan to be together I’m like so over it but on the other hand, she’s had such sweet and heartbreaking scenes and moments and my heart goes out to her. I know she’s a complex character and I love that about her but it’s also so frustrating to watch. ⁃ The similarities and contrasts in Eda/Ceren and Serkan/Engin conversation were so cute. The way Eda is so hopeful and Serkan is still in denial, like y’all need to get it together! Ceren being very straight about Serkan and Eda’s journey and feelings while Engin uses reverse psychology to get Serkan to understand was interesting cause being straight with Serkan never works out. ⁃ Serkan gets his pettiness, attitude, and jealousy tendencies from Aydan and no one can tell me otherwise. ⁃ I will forever love and cherish scenes where he comes to pick her up/drop her off. They might be the smallest scenes but they are the true evidence of their chemistry/attraction. Not to mention they always are witty and playful and shows the way their conversations flow and the little hints of magic their words contain! ⁃ So the grandmother is Ayfer’s mother and clearly they blame her for, I’m assuming, Eda’s parents death which is why they have kept their distance. But from the call Ayfer made, it seems that the grandmother still loves and cares for Ayfer and Eda and will do anything for them. Her entry will absolutely change everything for the family and Serkan/Eda as well! ⁃ “You never worked for me, Eda Yildiz.” Those words. I had to pause and just think. Serkan never considered Eda as his subordinate. She was his equal. To him, she was always a free bird. To come and go as she pleases. He never could or will cage her and I think that is absolutely beautiful and powerful. He acknowledges and accepts her carefree nature and presence and understands that she will fly as she pleases. For Eda, that freedom is necessary and core of her being. To be limited was never Eda’s style. So can you imagine? Being in a relationship where you have complete freedom to be what and who you are without any hesitation with a man who appreciates and loves your talent/knowledge and is always supportive of your endeavors. And that too with Serkan Bolat who has a controlling nature and being. Just need a moment to process that. ⁃ THAT IS GOING TO BE THEIR HOUSE. I’m calling it now. The show NEEDS to end with them in that house with their two robot-like children playing in garden designed by Eda and them over looking that beautiful view from their bedroom. ⁃ Serkan going FULL PANIC over Eda leaving and telling Engin to make her offer was the most pleasing to my eyes. That man out here creating a crisis over this. ⁃ The defeat in his eyes when she tells him to leave her alone. ⁃ Eda claiming her man in front of Selin was top notch! She said girl, I can take care of my man, no need for you. ⁃ The entire Serkan’s sickness scene was just heartbreaking. We knew Serkan had a tragic past and was still suffering because of it but to find out about his trauma was just... I have no words. To be so young, sent away abroad without knowledge about your brother, away from your family. To be left alone so young to grow and work through your trauma all by yourself. No wonder he doesn’t trust anyone. No wonder he doesn’t let anyone in. His own parents abandoned him so young, how is he supposed to rely on anyone else . And he has clearly internalized everything really deep. It’s one thing to have traumatic childhood experiences, but in Serkan’s case, he never worked through it at all. And now as an adult, due to that fact, it manifests itself into actual physical sickness. I literally just wanna give him a hug and make all his problems go away. ⁃ One more thing on this scene, one of my favorite things about their relationship is that despite their differences and previous conflicts, Eda and Serkan can both be easily open and vulnerable with each other when the other needs it. Just how they were sad/angry at the office early, but Eda came to take care of him and not only that, they had a conversation and were so open with each other as they read from the book. To have that openness with someone is just absolutely precious. ⁃ NOT THE WAKING UP WITH EACH OTHER SCENE I WANTED. I DESERVE BETTER! ⁃ Okay. That’s it. I’m never forgiving Aydan for breaking Eda’s heart like that. After everything Eda has done, she deserved to be said goodbye to properly. She made my girl cry after getting what she wants from her. I hope Ayfer goes in on her as their relationship progresses. ⁃ I FUCKING HAD A FEELING LAST WEEK AND THE FACT THAT  AND THEY JUST CONFIRMED IT. So last week when we found out about Eda’s parents death, Serkan’s face reaction made a small little voice inside my head go “that’s gonna be related to their relationship and be an obstacle in some way” BUT I DID NOT EXPECT IT TO BE TRUE LIKE THIS! Alptekin is responsible for Eda’s parents death. That is going to be the breaking point for these Eda/Serkan. Serkan already has issues with Alptekin but this is gonna push him over the edge. Also, I do not like the fact Ferit has this vital information. At this moment, I absolutely do not trust Ferit. ⁃ That was Ferit’s breaking point. Being left all alone while prepping for the wedding. I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna go through the wedding and he will blame Serkan for that I can already tell he’s gonna use his position as a shareholder and the secret about Eda’s parents to destroy Serkan. Not to mention, he’s probably gonna find a way to use the fact that Eda covered for him and Selin about the contract leaking to create a conflict. And here I was thinking Kaan would be our biggest problem.  ⁃ THAT FINAL SCENE WAS ICONIC AND EVERYTHING. I don’t think they could’ve chosen a more EdSer style to do the confession! After everything they’ve been through and the situation, it would’ve been totally weird to have a sweet, slow confession (yet at least). The arguing, the sunset, the slight hint of humor WERE ABSOLUTE PERFECT DIRECTION FOR THIS CONFESSION! the way he stopped the cab, got her suitcase, straight up told her to not go like multiple times and then said those magic words we’ve been dying to hear AND THEN GRABBED HER AND KISSED HER! Perfection. Just literally got goosebumps and was giggling like a child throughout it! 

Overall: THEY ARE OFFICIALLY TOGETHER. That is literally all that matters in the end. Hands off to Kerem and Hande for their amazing acting and expressions, cause this episode was strong solely due to their performance. There was no room for weakness or downplaying any emotion, and man did they deliver every line and every emotion absolutely perfect. We’re finally onto the next phase, which will be going through conflicts and working through family issues which is going to very exciting but also filled with angst. As per the 2 previews, the next episode seems to have a lot to offer: their romantic scenes, the bolats learning about Eda, Ayfer confronting Serkan, and of course Selin/Ferit wedding. Tbh, I am no nervous for this next part because how they choose to handle Serkan/Eda and  portray their relationship at this new starting point is so important in solidifying their bond and their love. 

I’m going to be mess until all these issues resolve and I already don’t have good coping mechanisms!

[buddha-in-disguise]

Weariness and cynicism is deadly.

When we were growing up, I remember my paternal grandfather once said to me: Weariness and cynicism is deadly.

At the time I didn't really understand the comment, but as I got older, it was something that I've kept in the back of my mind, in part because I would hate for me to become weary & cynical in life.

The last few episodes of Supergirl have had this line come roaring to the forefront with me.

Right now, weariness and cynicism within the Supergirl fandom (and not just a ship), has now shown in ratings.

You could argue as to why the ratings have dropped, and there are certainly going to be a few reasons for it. After all, in any season of a show you get peaks and troughs on the figures.

With Supergirl though, it has been a steep hit, then a steady decline afterwards. 

I've been writing this over a few days, and yesterday the synopsis for 5.19 dropped.

Now you can tell this was written before they planned on merging some of 5.20 into 5.19 and it became the finale, and this is given away by the 'penultimate episode,' wording. That is true, so knowing elements of 5.20 will be merged into it, means there is likely a divergence to this synopsis on some level. If there is, once again the marketing has failed to adapt with these changes. 

However, the synopsis also has people absolutely at the end of their tether over Kara and Lena. Why? The 1st segment:

'Supergirl (Melissa Benoist) realizes that in order to stop Lex (guest star Jon Cryer) and Leviathan she must work with the one person she never thought she’d trust again – Lena (Katie McGrath).' 

I have issue with this for more than one reason, but the biggest for me is simply this.

Honestly the situation should be sorted by now in far better ways. If this goes on through to S6 unresolved, then it is beyond a joke.

19 episodes of this is utterly unacceptable. Even if they'd carried on resolution into the 20th episode, that's still far too long. 

I can't speak for other fans, but personally I was hoping (& expecting) that once Crisis was over, Kara and Lena would actually begin to talk. If not Lena and Kara, Lena and Alex. Because remember how Lena spoke to Alex when Alex asked for her help during Crisis? Here are the lines most relevant (I'm including the clip for the whole interaction).

"I am sorry that I lied to you. And not just me. Not just Kara. J'onn, and Brainy, and Nia."

"You know, you actually had me believe that you hated Supergirl."

"I wasn't pretending about that, but that is a long story."

This was 10 episodes ago once 5.19 hits, & has never been broached again, nor looks likely to be. Why even bring it up if you're going to ignore it? Lena & Alex were friends by S4 end. If Kara couldn't talk to Lena, why hasn't Alex tried? Or Brainy? Nia. Even Kelly, who genuinely hadn't lied to Lena - although that could've been awkward if Lena said it was about Kara lying being Supergirl and Kelly didn't know. But you know, I would've loved to have seen it play out that way, because Kelly's surprise wouldn't be faked, and Lena, despite it all, would probably recognise that.

Have Lena working with Lex, but also using Kelly to help her with the lenses, to placate Lex, but to be actively working with the Superfriends (Kelly as the intermediary) to bring Lex down. That way, Kelly gets screen time she deserves, Lena slowly works through her issues, even if it isn't directly with Kara yet. Alex really uses the Tower to investigate and help Kelly and Lena. But we have had nothing of note.

Out of the two Winn episodes, we had one episode of Winn's own psychopathic father getting his redemption, (which sorry, was too far fetched for me). What was the purpose of this? It apparently serves none. This episode should've been a redemption arc starting for Lena in my opinion, even if Kara wasn't involved (so the 100th still could've gone ahead as planned). It could've been Brainy for example tentatively reaching out to Lena. Or as I say, Lena seeing how Lex was working, and reaching out to Kelly. It wouldn't have to be a noticable or big thing, but the beginnings of some reconciliation with someone. 

Yet Lena, who time and time again has tried to do the right thing, has been lied to, has been abused by her family since she was 4, has been left to her own devices for 19 episodes! By people who say they are her friends. This is more than about Kara. This is about a whole group of people who seemingly have washed their hands of Lena. That sure as hell isn't any kind of friendship I know, or agree with. 

This is why as a general audience people are now weary and cynical. When the hard core fans, not ship fans, but the ones who tune in religiously, are screaming enough, then a more general audience will simply drift away. Sadly the viewing figures suggest this is exactly what has happened. 

If they're suddenly best friends again from 5.19, then it will be as bad because nothing is talked about! Even if they carry on the redemption arc into S6, will the general audience - or even the main hard core group of fans - wait potentially 9 to 12 months before it starts again, not knowing if they plan to maintain the push and pull between Lena, Kara and the Superfriends, or actually are going to rebuild the friendships?

We also have the question of why did Kara find the tape that Mxyzptlk left? I'm including a screen capture for this.  

There were a couple of things at the time that I wondered about.

Why make it so obvious that was the video tape left? It then immediately led off to Kara confronting Lena, which while harsh wasn't really too OOC until that last line. No, she didn't call Lena a villain (ugh also continuity in 5.17, hello Kara, you didn't call her a villain). But Kara knows that Lena has always wanted to be seen as being different to her family, but especially Lex. Instead of going to Lena as Supergirl, go to her as Kara! Make her see the person not the cape. Of course being Supergirl is important to Kara, but knowing that Lena has always had a more volatile relationship with Supergirl, it seems utterly inconceivable to me that at some stage Kara wouldn't go to try and talk to her simply as Kara. Or was it Mxy as Supergirl, who hesitated moving from the balcony because he needed to be invited inside by Lena? Supergirl took a step forward, but doesn't appear to actually enter Lena's apartment. 

So yes. That whole scene has always bugged me.

I also always questioned why did Mxy hang around watching through Kara's loft window? What was it he needed to see? By all accounts his mission there was accomplished. Why hang around?

So it begs the question, are we seeing how the tape plays out? Is this the 'nothing is as it seems' and the 'Black mirror season,' they touted before the season began. If this refers to how Lex has played his part, then that is nowhere near good enough.

If it is because of Mxy, it is just an awful way to go about it. It has left most fans weary, jaded and honestly not trusting of how they will carry on writing for the show.

Let's not forget, Kara told the whole world her identity to save Lena. 

Lena tried to save Kara from the Kryptonite in the air, but failed because she was too far away in Metropolis. 

Lena took to heart the pleas from Kara not to use Kryptonite, and so devised another way to subdue Reign, only to die in Kara's arms (and remember Kara literally crumpled as Lena fell into her arms. This is a Kryptonian with Super human strength, but her knees gave way). 

The only time Lena did turn evil was when Supergirl didn't save her. But even then, watch her face carefully as she hits with Kara with the Kryptonite. That stotic mask falls just fractionally. 

However this plays out in the last two episodes, quite honestly I can't see how it is going to be enough to pacify the distrust and anger over vast aspects of the season. How a lot of what has gone on can only be called queerbaiting, and if (& it's a big if) they even lent into Supercorp (I highly doubt it), then it needed to come far quicker. When you lose the trust of a big part of your audience, it is extremely difficult to get that trust back. When you have to try and achieve that with only 2 episodes left? Pretty much impossible. 

When that weariness and cynicism has months to fester in a fandom, it is deadly.

[graphicabyss]

?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

[aion-rsa]

In 2020, The Deutschland Series is As Relevant As Ever

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The final season of the Deutschland spy series begins with an ending. In the opening episode of Deutschland 89, the Berlin Wall falls, giving East German citizens free movement to West Germany and beyond for the first time in decades. What follows in the eight-episode final season is a social study in how different people react when their reality is suddenly and fundamentally altered. In the year 2020, as the world continues to reel from the seismic changes COVID-19 has wrought, it’s an unexpectedly relatable experience.

“Deutschland 89 is really about how people have to reinvent themselves during a crisis,” says Deutschland series co-creator Joerg Winger. “So I think, in that way, it does reflect today, but that was not intentional.”

From the beginning, the Deutschland series—which launched in 2015 with Deutschland 83, continued in 2018 with Deutschland 86, and just concluded with Deutschland 89—has used history as a metaphor for contemporary politics. Because of this and because, as Faulkner famously wrote, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past,” it has never been hard to find topical parallels in the Deutschland story, especially when the world skews unfortunately closer to the historic tensions depicted.

“I still remember when Joerg and I first started working on Deutschland 83, thinking, ‘Maybe we’ll have to remind people of the Cold War. Maybe they won’t remember any of this,’” says co-creator Anna Winger (who also co-created Netflix’s 2020 German-American drama Unorthodox). “And then the tension with Russia began again, and there was this sort of egocentric writer moment where you’re like, ‘Did I write it and make it happen? Why is this happening again?’ … Certainly, we couldn’t have predicted tension with Russia coming back, but I think that the polarization definitely, the idea that you’re on one side or you’re on the other side, and that there is this kind of way in which the world has become divided, we were definitely exploring that.” 

Deutschland 83 follows East German kid Martin Rauch (Jonas Nay) as he is forced by his HVA agent aunt Lenora (Maria Schrader) and his estranged father Walter (Sylvester Groth) to become a spy in West Germany. Using the real-life Able Archer incident (which some historians believe is the closest we’ve come to nuclear war since the Cuban Missile Crisis) as setting, the first season is a fast-paced yet complex cautionary tale of what can happen when we lose track of the bigger picture in favor of political allegiances. 

On a more character-driven level, Deutschland 83 is the story of a young man caught between a desperation to stay alive so he can return home to his ill mother and pregnant girlfriend and a desire to keep the world from erupting into nuclear disaster. Because of this, much of the success of that first season and moving forward relied on the casting of the overwhelmed yet capable Martin. When Nay read the script for the Deutschland 83 pilot, he knew he wanted the part.

“I think that the first episode of the whole series is a masterpiece in throwing you directly into something,” says Nay. “I think, dramaturgy-wise, it’s really brilliant. For me, as a reader, I was so addicted. I immediately wanted to know where it went and I so deeply wanted to play that part of Martin.”

Later, Nay would find out that Anna Winger had his picture on the wall during the writing process, imagining him as Martin, but Nay didn’t know that when he went for the part.

“I hadn’t played something of that genre, or anything comparable to that before,” says Nay. “So I don’t really know where she had the impression from that this could be a part for me, actually. The things I shot before were more like society drama, feature films. It was really, really, really different.”

Joerg Winger says that Nay was always their first choice.

“There was a discussion we had at a later point with the directors in 83, who were thinking, maybe we need someone who’s more of a conventional hero, like a young James Bond kind of actor,” says Joerg Winger. “But I think, for us, it was really important that he has something vulnerable since one of the tweaks of the spy genre in Deutschland 83 is that it’s a spy show combined with a coming-of-age drama, and Jonas has the vulnerability and almost the boyishness and innocence. He’s a very good, solid person. And that translates also, I think, into his performance.” 

The initial idea for the series came from Joerg Winger’s own military service experience during the 80s as a conscripted Bundeswehr soldier in West Germany, intercepting messages from Russian troops in the German Democratic Republic. But, for many people watching the series who were born after 89, a divided Germany may be hard to imagine.

“With young people, it’s almost like what you learn in school ends with World War II, and then you never really got to the Cold War,” says Anna Winger. “So, for a lot of young people, at least in Germany, they would say to us, ‘This is like science fiction.’ It’s like, ‘Imagine a world, and there’s a wall that goes down the middle of Berlin, and West Berlin is cut off from supplies, and you can’t get across it.’ And you know, if you were to describe all that to anyone who was born in Berlin since 1989, it would sound absurd. It’s like, ‘And the dinosaurs roamed the earth.’ It’s very crazy to them. So, in a funny way, I’ve always thought the show is a little bit like the past as science fiction.”

Nay, who was born in 1990, days before the reunification of Germany, is one of those people.

“I think there’s actually a lot that changed my awareness of close German history, in particular the 80s, of course,” says Nay. “I remember that when I read the first series, the first question that came to my mind was: ‘Were we really so close to a nuclear war? Would anybody have told me if it was so close? Isn’t that crazy that nobody told me before? Is it real or is it just made up, to increase attention?’ I was like, ‘OK, it seems a little odd to me that we were close before to a nuclear war and I never heard that before.’ I’m really curious now what is going on behind closed walls, what I don’t know about nowadays.”

While all three seasons of the Deutschland series explores many of the same themes, the three-year time jump built into the fabric of the show means each season gets a soft narrative reset for its characters and setting. When asked about the choice to have three-year time jumps, Joerg Winger said it was somewhat incidental. Because of Able Archer and some of the Neue Deutsche Welle music circa 1983, the Wingers knew they wanted to start their story in 1983. They also knew that they wanted to do a trilogy and that it should end in 1989, with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Because of this, of the three settings, 1986 is the most random.

“I think it’s a little bit like the Buddhist wisdom: wherever you dig, if you dig for long enough, you’ll find something,” says Joerg Winger of the 1986 setting. “We were a little bit nervous about the 86 question. When we started 86, we were like, ‘OK, so what are we going to find in ’86?’ But then there’s just so much.”

When we catch back up with Martin in Deutschland 86, he has been exiled from East Germany for three years, living in Angola where he teaches English at an orphanage. While the other two seasons in the story keep their focus relatively tight on East and West Germany, Deutschland 86 expands its Cold War scope to visit places like Libya and Paris, where geopolitical tensions are manifesting in different ways but are still part of the same global story.

“We started writing 86 the day after the Trump election,” says Anna Winger, “and I remember feeling really focused on looking at capitalism, because the story of 86 is kind of about the capitalist core of the engine that kept the communist regime going. And you see all these guys who are holding on to what they’ve managed to build at all costs, even though it’s all really coming apart.”

The Deutschland storyline comes to fruition in Deutschland 89. Three years following the events of Deutschland 86, the East German government is in even more dire straits. They are out of money, and the people are protesting. The final season is set against the backdrop of the collapse of the East German government.

“People didn’t know what was going to happen for a few months, and that is a very unusual situation,” says Anna Winger of the time period. “And also, for all these spies, they were really good spies, and suddenly, they had no country, the goals were completely unclear, and they were in the same place. The crazy thing about people in Berlin who live on the East side is they haven’t gone anywhere, but everything else has changed. It’s as if their country completely changed, and they’re still living on the same piece of earth, and that’s wild.”

The Deutschland series may explore East German life in the 1980s at different stages of Communist collapse, but the parallels to the experience of living in today’s crumbling capitalism are striking.

“I think as we came towards the end of the arc of the trilogy, certainly we got deeper and deeper into exploring late-stage capitalism and how that’s the patriarchy holding onto power in any sort of regime,” says Anna Winger. “We’re writing a show about late-stage communism or socialism, but it still has a lot of parallels to late-stage capitalism.”

In the midst of it all, is Martin Rauch, an audience surrogate for an everyday person just trying to live a good life with the people he loves amidst political and social turmoil. By Deutschland 89, Martin is understandably much more jaded than his 83-era self, but he has also somehow held onto his humanity.

“What Anna and Joerg always told me was that when they created Martin and how they wanted him to succeed, he should always have this moral compass that he’s following,” says Nay. “In a big contrast to all the people around him, like [his aunt] Lenora or [his father] Schweppenstette, that they are following rules given from somebody else or they’re following their idealism, their socialist idea. Martin had the chance of getting a pretty uncolored picture of East and West, of both the states and both the sides. He had to find his own [way].”

Martin’s ability to hold onto his humanity, to maintain some kind of admirable moral compass despite all of the things he has been through, is where much of the optimism in the Deutschland series ultimately lies. 

“I always saw it like Martin being in the middle and people from left and right trying to pull him in directions and he’s always trying to see or weigh out which is best for him and also for people around him,” says Nay. “He’s like, yeah, it’s a hero thing I guess. I don’t know. Yeah, Joerg and Anna wanted Martin to keep that. So it was kind of a challenge to, of course, let Martin grow up and let him harden and let him be very, very suspicious, more and more, not trusting anybody because what he learns is that, if he trusts somebody, he’s going to be betrayed so he has to keep it in himself. That is the development that he goes through through all the seasons. Then, given this little lovable touch of hero-ness and moral compass, not losing that. It was kind of a balance act I would say. I gave my very best.”

Ultimately, the Deutschland series ends as it told its story: thoughtfully, and with a fundamental empathy that doesn’t guarantee a happy ending but rather something better. The possibility of holding onto one’s humanity through pain and suffering and amongst forces so much larger than any one person. In 2020, that may be the flavor of happy ending we need most of all.

“In 89, the shit’s hit the fan, and it’s really over, and people are scrambling to redefine themselves,” says Anna Winger. “But I suppose, if there’s a message to the whole thing, it’s that there are possibilities in chaos. And this is truly something I think we can learn from Germany: is that maybe there’s the possibility of reinvention that is positive, that there’s hope in reinvention, and that maybe when things come apart, there’s a chance for something good to come out of it.”

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The entirety of the Deutschland series is now available to watch on Hulu.

The post In 2020, The Deutschland Series is As Relevant As Ever appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2JLtG55

[violethowler]

A Farewell To The Clone Wars

Yesterday was the end of an era

After 11 years and 104 days

After a theatrical movie, a novel, a comic miniseries, 8 incomplete story reels, and 133 episodes

After 49 hours and 12 minutes of incredible, heartbreaking, beautifully animated television….

Ended, The Clone Wars have.

I watched all of the existing Star Wars movies on DVD when I was a kid, but I was never particularly enamored with them the way that others are. And then in August 2008, I went to the local movie theater with my grandmother to see an animated movie that – while I didn’t know it at the time – would chart the course of my future for years to come.

While a lot of the general Star Wars fandom looks down on the theatrical Clone Wars movie as weak and lackluster, 11-year-old me loved every minute of it. I’ve been obsessed with animation my entire life, and around 2 years before the theatrical release of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, I had just begun to explore the world of animation outside of my childhood Disney bubble, diving headfirst into SpongeBob and Avatar and Codename Kids Next Door. Whenever I saw commercials for an animated movie playing in theaters I would beg my family to take me to see it. It didn’t matter what the movie was actually about, all that mattered was that it was animated and I thought it looked fun.

So, when I saw Star Wars: The Clone Wars in theaters with my sister and my grandmother, I loved it. I enjoyed the movie so much that when I learned there was going to be a TV show following the movie, I was ecstatic. From the moment that the first episodes of Season 1 aired on Cartoon Network a few months later, I was hooked. From the very beginning I refused to miss a single episode. From middle school all the way through high school The Clone Wars became the axis around which almost all of my entertainment consumption revolved.

I started reading more Star Wars books and comics from all over the timeline. The Thrawn trilogy. Darth Bane. Fate of the Jedi. The Old Republic. Lost Tribe of the Sith. I devoured every piece of Star Wars media I could find as this show awakened in me an appetite for all things Star Wars. Whenever my parents asked for gift ideas for my birthday or Christmas, at the top of my list would be the latest season of The Clone Wars on DVD. Every summer I trawled the internet looking for news from Star Wars Celebration or San Diego Comic Con about the next season – trailers, clips, plot details, whatever I could find.

When the show was initially cancelled following the purchase of Lucasfilm by Disney, I was devastated. This show had such a staple of my life that the idea that it wasn’t going to be coming back hurt. As I started looking around at online Star Wars fandom to find someone, anyone, who felt the same way that I did, I discovered #SaveTheCloneWars, and joined the campaign. Through that first year after the plug was pulled, I wrote to Disney asking them to continue the show. I signed fan petitions and made posts on Facebook. It was my first real engagement with the wider online fandom.

Then came The Lost Missions and the Clone Wars Legacy releases – Crystal Crisis, Son of Dathomir, Dark Disciple… Having more Clone Wars stories helped soften the pain of the show’s loss, but the story still felt incomplete. Hearing about future arcs that had been planned for the show only added to the sense of incompleteness, knowing that there were more stories we didn’t get to see. When rumors had begun circulating about an animated Star Wars show set post-Clone Wars, resolving unanswered questions of The Clone Wars was at the top of my wish list for a future Star Wars show.

When Rebels was announced I was cautiously optimistic. I didn’t want to get attached to a new set of characters when the loss of Ahsoka and Rex and my other Clone Wars favorites still felt so raw. After Dave Filoni and the production crew of Rebels posted videos introducing the crew of the Ghost and the core cast of Rebels I reluctantly became more interested, I still was cautious about investing my time in this new show out of fear that it too would be ripped away from me without a proper conclusion just like The Clone Wars was.

So, when the final episode of Rebels’ first season confirmed that the mysterious Fulcrum was none other than Ahsoka Tano I was out of my seat cheering. There were still questions I needed answered about what happened to her after she left the Jedi Order, but the fact that she was there, back on my TV screen once more, was a relief. And when I watched the first trailer for Season 2 a month later, the words “My name is Rex,” made me scream and cry. I was overcome with tears of joy knowing that not only would my favorite Jedi be appearing in Rebels but my favorite Clone Trooper as well.

By the time Rebels’ first season had ended, I was getting ready to graduate from high school and planning where I would go to college in the fall. Taking art electives in high school, particularly a computer art class during the airing of Season 5, made me appreciate just how beautiful the show’s art style was, and when the time came for me to plan where I wanted to go to college, I chose schools that had programs for animation. I had originally wanted to be a game designer because of Kingdom Hearts, but The Clone Wars made me realize that the passion I truly wanted to make a career out of was animation.

I continued to follow Rebels as I went off to college, and by the end of Season 3 – with Maul dead for good, Ahsoka MIA, and Rex and Hondo as the only major Clone Wars characters left on the show – I had gotten attached to the Rebels characters as well. I was just as invested in their fates as I was for those of Clone Wars characters like Rex and Hondo. Season 4 finished airing at the end of my junior year, and the knowledge in the final five episodes that Ahsoka had not only survived her confrontation with Anakin at the end of Season 2 but that she was still alive years after the events of the original trilogy had me crying tears of joy as I went to sleep.

The trailer announcing the return of The Clone Wars had me in tears for hours. Long had I been dreaming of the remaining stories of this show being released in some form. I would have been content with more novels and comics like Son of Dathomir and Dark Disciple, but to have the show return in animated form was a miracle I had given up hope for years ago.

But within the last twelve months, my interest in Star Wars cooled.

I was never the biggest fan of the movies. Revenge of the Sith was my favorite because in the absence of a proper conclusion it functioned as a de facto finale to The Clone Wars. I enjoyed the original trilogy, but they weren’t movies I considered my favorites. I saw The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi in theaters and cried on my first viewing of both films, but on repeat viewings the magic of them faded and I lost interest. While I could understand why other fans liked them, there was a spark that was missing from most of the movies released under Disney that prevented them from really having any staying power for me.

And then The Rise of Skywalker came out and completely shattered any expectations I had that Disney really knew what they were doing with the franchise. Where before I was willing to trust that there actually was a plan because of how precisely Rey and Ben Solo’s arc followed the path of the Heroine’s Journey across The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, now I realize that what I initially believed to have been a carefully planned narrative arc was most likely JJ Abrams planning to set up a conventional Hero’s Journey which Rian Johnson used to try and tell a Heroine’s Journey instead. And even if there was a plan for Rey and Ben Solo that got screwed around by behind the scenes conflicts, there was clearly no plan as far as Poe and Finn and Rose were concerned.

For months after this, I started questioning and doubting my love of all the canon Star Wars media. How could I enjoy anything in the Original and Prequel trilogy eras knowing that all the hard work of dismantling Palpatine’s empire would be undone in order to rehash the same plotline with new characters and no concern given for whether the audience could follow what was happening or why these events and character decisions mattered if they hadn’t read every comic and novel and played every video game connected to this era.

Since the last trailer for the final season of The Clone Wars went up on YouTube, I vacillated between enthusiastically sticking to the shows I loved regardless of my problems with the film saga, and abandoning the franchise altogether and gifting my Clone Wars and Rebels Blu-Ray sets and associated novels to my college friend who had just gotten into Star Wars.

And then ‘The Phantom Apprentice’ Happened.

Ahsoka and Maul’s two-part duel in the throne room and the rafters of Sundari reminded me of everything I loved about The Clone Wars in the first place. The animation. The art style. The music. The attention to detail on every character and in every detail. The tragedy of what was to come. On my third re-watch of the third-to-last episode of Season 7, that was when I realized that despite my problems with the Sequel Trilogy, despite the many flaws in the writing of the Prequel movies, I could never give up on The Clone Wars, or on Rebels. These two shows have meant too much for me to ever walk away from either of them.

I have cried at least ten times in the last five days watching the final two episodes of The Clone Wars. The final of this incredible series was such a gut punch even though I knew what was coming and who would survive. I had and saw so many ideas about what the last episode would include. Would their be a montage of all the Jedi who survived Order 66 as a mirror of the death montage in Episode III? Would Ahsoka and Rex receive Obi-Wan’s recorded message from Rebels warning surviving Jedi to stay away from the temple?

But in the end, none of those things happened. The focus of the episode remained on Ahsoka and Rex. Their escape from the ship. The tragedy of their inability to save the other clones. And ending with a shot of Vader finding the ship some time later, all these symbols of the Republic buried beneath the winds of time as the empire rises. It was bleak and depressing and when the credits rolled I was holding back tears. But looking back on the entire series and the era of the war, knowing what was coming, there was no other way I could have expected it to end. The audience already knows that this is not the end, but Ahsoka and Rex don’t know that, and so the finale of The Clone Wars reflects this. The pain and despair. The tragedy and confusion over what will happen next. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Despite all the movies I’ve watched; the comics and novels I’ve read; the video games I’ve played; very few things in Star Wars canon or Legends have been able to match the magic of The Clone Wars in my heart. I have never truly been a Star Wars fan so much as I have been a Clone Wars and Rebels fan. The novels and comics and movies I enjoy are an extension of my love for the shows, but the shows will always come first. The characters these shows introduced have stuck with me more than any characters from the movies ever has. Clone Wars made me love Anakin and Obi-Wan and Padme and Yoda, but to me, my Star Wars favorites have always been Ahsoka, Maul, Rex, Ventress, Fives, Hera, Zeb, Thrawn, Sabine, and all the rest.

So, I just wanted to say thank you to Dave Filoni, Ashley Eckstein, Matt Lanter, Catherine Taber, James Arnold Taylor, Sam Whitwer, Nika Futterman, Dee Bradley Baker, as well as every single person involved in bringing this show to live for all the hard work and passion you have poured into this series. Your work on this show shaped the person I am today, and I look forward to seeing what you do next.

May the Force Be With You.