#as someone who was a wolf kid i can confirm that i would behave the same way if i was in his situation

[space-gutz]

genuinely can’t stop thinking about this youtube comment I saw. I’m obsessed. Theyre absolutely right

[skzoologist]

Unfamiliarity [four]

word count: ~13, 2k

genre: Hybrid AU, no pairings

warnings: panic attacks, heavy signs of PTSD, even heavier hints of being experimented at, past abuse, occasional curse words, hurt/comfort, the inability to recognise and process emotions well, fear of doctors and needles

summary: Bae was making good progress at healing, but then the others decided to house another trauma-magnet.

a/n: Hey-ho! I SO BADLY wanted to post it on Han day, because he finally appears in it, but I was late like, 8 minutes. I am devastated. But at least it still makes sense to read on Felix day, because he channels his babygirl energy in this chapter dangerously well. As promised, here is an even longer chapter, as compensation for disappearing last time, I hope you'll enjoy. At this rate I won't even hit 10 chapters, the story will end because I keep posting over 10k word long chapters...

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

previous II masterlist II next

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅⋅•⋅⋅⋅•∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅⋅•⋅⋅⋅•∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

“Aagh, the female lead is so stupid! How can she not see he loves her?! It’s painfully obvious!”

I nodded at the raging feline next to me, my arm stolen to be held by him as usual, the motion not even surprising me anymore. Although I did hush him a bit, not wanting to wake anyone up with our late-night program. We usually did it after the human had gone into their room, so I could safely come out of my den without running into them.

Originally, everyone sat together on this sofa, but as the night kept going on and it became later and later, they left one by one, leaving only me and Jin sitting here. Neither of us had a normal sleeping routine, so it wasn’t unusual, really. There were times when the others woke up, only to find us still watching the TV, Jin ranting about something that happened and me silently nodding along, commenting occasionally.

Today seemed to be like that as well, the room slowly brightening around us, our faces not illuminated only by the artificial light of the TV anymore.

It was Lino who joined us first; he usually woke up early to prepare a few things in the kitchen so he could use them to cook breakfast and later lunch with. It never took him too long, his form draped over ours not long after. Being a feline, this usually meant we were his pillows as well; he liked taking short naps throughout the day wherever he deemed it comfortable to do so.

Binnie was usually the next to wake, but only because he went out to train. He would not return for an hour or so, his sweat-drenched form usually disappearing down the halls quickly for a shower.

That was why Channie joined us before him most of the time, Lixie snoring away in one of the rooms peacefully still. Sometimes, they switched up the orders they arrived in; rarely Channie even stayed up with me and Jin when his insomnia acted up. But no matter when, the wolf would always worm his way between my and the felines’ cuddling form. A lot of the time it meant picking someone up and plopping them in his lap; today it was Lino’s turn it seemed.

Lixie’s footsteps reached my ears right as Binnie closed the bathroom door, my attention from Jin’s rant stolen.

“The male lead is just as stupid as the female lead, it’s like they were made for each other. How can she not see the sacred dagger is with him? And how can he not see she is the reincarnation he had been searching for?!” - the agitated leopard half-shouted, making wild gestures with his free hand and tail. “Good mornin’. Another all-nighter?” - Lixie’s even deeper morning voice greeted us and we confirmed his suspicion after greeting him back.

The sleepy snow leopard didn’t even need an invitation to join us, he immediately circled around the sofa and plopped next to the animatedly talking feline. Soon after the little pika sat with us as well, making the pack complete and content; his fresh citrus scent mixing with the bountiful forest’s, calming my nerves slightly, something I appreciated.

Because for the past episode or two, Channie and Lino had been stealing glances at me, their forms strangely tense.

I knew why, of course I did.

It was around the time I would go back to my den, to avoid running into the last inhabitant of the house.

I simply ignored their gazes, my eyes focused on the TV and Jin’s hold on my arm. Lino had his feet draped over my lap too and I gently squeezed one of his calves, hoping it would ease his mind just a bit.

It didn’t take long for the others to catch on too, all except Jin, who was way too engrossed in his TV show. Glances were thrown back and forth, bodies agitatedly shifting around in place. The notion did nothing to help with my own nerves, causing me to gently push Lino’s feet away and drag the drama-loving leopard into my lap. He didn’t protest much, just a surprised little sound leaving his lips before settling into my hold, quiet purrs reverberating in his chest soon after. I nuzzled into his neck, the scent of charcoal and paint familiar and soothing; that underlying cleanness almost non-existent by now.

I could feel his calm pulse, the blood leisurely pumping through his veins. It had a nice rhythm to it; the vein throbbing thrice, no, twice every second.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Stop.

The newly appeared footsteps halted, their owner frozen behind the couch somewhere.

Then they picked up again, softer, quieter.

I gently squeezed the now still feline in my arms, eyes slowly opening to look up from his shoulder, only to be met with the gaze of the human. I nodded at them, gaining a nod back in return. The atmosphere warmed up instantly, everyone around us heaving out a silent breath, as if they forgot how to breathe previously. I simply flicked one of my ears, not fully understanding the reason for their behaviour.

“Ah, good morning, Jisoo-ya. Sleep well?” - Channie’s voice broke the veil of silence, pushing the attention onto the human alone. “Mh, yes, thank you. What about you guys?” - the human answered back, his voice on the deeper side of the spectrum compared to the average human. “We did, except these two idiots -Lino pointed at us-. You’re off to work, right? Breakfast is on the table, eat well before leaving.” - the cat answered him, voice stern as the human just airily laughed and scratched at his neck.

The human thanked Lino and left for the kitchen, his lanky form leaving us to pay attention to the TV show once more.

It was quiet between us.

The male in the kitchen didn’t seem threatening at first glance, really. He had relatively short brown hair that turned golden under the sun, dark pools for eyes that seemed suspiciously warm, and a tall stature, but he always stood in a way to not seem threatening; his form was always open, never guarded. His scent was weird too, just like everything else about him: freshly cut grass with an underlying hint of sweetness.

He didn’t look at me weirdly either after the initial surprise and shock of seeing me still here, he simply acknowledged my presence and talked to the others. No side-glances in my direction, or pitying looks, nothing. He looked at me the way he looked at everyone else, and that scared me to my marrow.

Because he looked at them with so much adoration and love, it hurt.

I nuzzled into Jin’s neck instead, feeling that calming rhythm once more instead. He curled his tail stronger around my right leg in response, body completely lax in my hold. It drew out an elated growl from my throat, only for it to collide with his own happy purrs. Or should I say two separate purring sounds? Because Lixie decided to join in too, his body completely pressed into my side. I pressed my nose into his neck too, cavity-inducing sweetness flooding my senses immediately. He craned his neck further to the side, granting me better access as I nuzzled into him even more.

A kick to my leg on the other side interrupted me.

“Yah, get a room you three, jesus.” - Lino shouted, a playful smirk sitting on his lips.

I merely glared back at him, until I realised what his words meant. My ears and cheeks instantly gained a red colour, embarrassment flooding my veins as I released Jin from my hold, leaning back from the felines as much as I could.

W-we didn’t-...I wasn’t–

“Minho, you interrupted their bonding time, you menace!” - Channie laughed as he playfully slapped the sly cat, who was laughing so hard he almost fell off the couch altogether. “B-but the look on his f-face, haha. It was worth it, oh my god. Even you can’t deny that, Chan hyung.” “Ah, well…   Cough   Of course we know you guys weren’t doing…that…   Sigh   I swear to god Lee Know, if you traumatised Bae with this so much he will never try to bond with us ever again, you will change rooms with Felix and bunk with me.” “NooooOOOoooO, anything but that! Let me gooo, you old man!”

“What’s happening here?” - Binnie suddenly asked, his form standing in front of the couch, observing the wrestling duo on the floor.

We merely shrugged, my eyes wandering away as I was still completely embarrassed.

“So you don’t know why you’re so red then, hmm, Bae hyung?” - he sang in a higher pitched voice, merely causing my blush to deepen. “Minho hyung teased him, saying we needed to ‘get a room’ for ourselves. Now he won’t look at us, or even touch us, look.” - Lixie explained, his hand nearing mine, but I hastily pulled it towards my chest, whole body scooting away from them -as much as it could with Jin still in my lap-. “Tch, he’s just jealous, don’t listen to him.” “I’m not! Yah, sToP–” “Yes he is. Now come here.”

With that, the little pika plopped right next to me, cornering me in with the two felines. Channie and Lino were still tangled up on the floor, the wolf having that menace of a cat in his hold. I simply froze up, not seeing any way I could escape from this.

Binnie just laid his head on my shoulder, careful to not put his entire weight on top of me.

“Oh yea, Changbinnie hyung, where were you?” - Lixie asked, his hands finding one of mine and gingerly massaging it, no matter how much I tried to wiggle out of his hold. “Ah, since you all were too busy, I said bye to Jisoo-ya. Helped him with his bags too.” - he casually replied, never once taking his head off of my shoulder. “What! He left already?! I wanted to say bye too…” “Ah, me too…” - Jin commented, worming his way back into my lap properly. “Well, we can all greet him when he gets home, how about that instead?” - butted in Channie, having finally finished wrestling with the sly cat.

I just silently watched as they happily made plans, their love for this human apparent. How could they trust him so easily? It made no sense to me, at all.

“Alright, let’s go and eat breakfast now, otherwise none of you will get lunch later. No, don’t look at me like that Hyunjin, off you go now. That episode of your drama can wait for you after you get back.” - Lino sternly said, ushering us away from the couch towards the kitchen.

While we all sat down around the table, he took out bowls from the fridge and some the microwave -its sound still unpleasant- and placed them in the middle of the table. Their contents all differed, so you could pick and choose from the ones you liked. I gathered some meat and rice with my sticks, not in the mood for vegetables at the moment. 

Although the second I took my eyes off my plate, pieces of food appeared on it: some egg, steamed vegetables, things like that. When I looked to my left and right, the obvious culprits just giggled and continued stuffing their faces with the contents of their own bowls. As if their tails weren’t contently swaying behind them, these dummies.

They did this a lot, actually, placing food pieces on my plate. With the others, they bickered over it, stealing each others’ food as if their life depended on it, but with me, it was the total opposite. And when I tried to give them back, they shot me down so fast, I could only blink in response. So with a silent sigh, I ate everything on my plate, even as the portion nearly doubled in size.

“Alright, who wants to play some Monopoly?” - Lixie asked after we all finished, used bowls and sticks now clean and drying.

The others immediately perked up, fighting spirit burning in their eyes. The snow leopard raced to get the mentioned game, the others bounding over towards the couch, pushing things around so we could all sit at the table in the middle comfortably. I sat down with them, the game now being unboxed on the table.

“I wanna be the boot.” - I muttered while snatching the aforementioned figure, excited to play the game after many years.

“Huh?”

I looked up, only to be met with confused gazes. I tilted my head at them, ears flopping around with the motion.

“Don’t you need to choose one to play? I always liked this one. Ah, you wanted it?” - I asked, offering the metal figure to them.

Silence greeted me back, making my eyebrows only draw closer towards each other.

“Ah, uh, no, baby, you can have the boot. Then, everyone knows how to play I assume? Bae, Hyunjin?” - Channie finally answered with a pointed stare at the others, me and Jin nodding at the question directed towards us.

And thus, the long and arduous journey of us playing Monopoly started.

By the end, there was money thrown everywhere, the board was flipped upside down -courtesy of Lixie, who was crying on the floor under the table-. Lino was minutes away from murdering a very boastful Hyunjin -who had somehow won, even though he almost went bankrupt several times-, had a very tired looking Channie not held the cat back. Changbin simply gave up playing halfway, pouting and stuffing his face with snacks while watching us from the couch. And I was just a silent spectator of it all, because I was in jail 90% of the game.

Or, you know, some regular, fun Monopoly times.

I sighed in amusement, silently picking up the thrown away game pieces from the floor -some of them were even near the stairs and the kitchen, impressive-. The figures and little house pieces went into one hand, the paper money and cards into the other. Once my hands were full, I crawled back towards where I originally sat and placed everything down, turning around to gather more. This cycle needed to be done a few times before I collected them all, then I started assorting the money and cards out. Same coloured ones went into the same pile, and soon enough, I was done and ready to put them all away into the box.

By the time the others stopped their shenanigans, I was done packing up the game completely, now sitting next to a sulking Lixie and caressing his forehead. He hit his head on the table when he tried to sit up, the spot slightly red and angry. With how many times this had happened, you would think he did something unforgivable against these pieces of wood.

“Lix, look here.” - the wolf said, his fingers swiftly putting a bandaid onto the leopard’s forehead. “Be more careful mate, I’m afraid you’ll get permanent brain damage at this rate.” “Oi, it ain’t that bad.” “Felix, last week you hit your head so hard, there was a bump on it for several days.” - Binnie commented, earning a glare from the injured feline. “Oh come on…” “Hey, at least you can join Bae in the clumsy club.” - it was Lino this time, earning both of our glares as a reward.

Had Jin not stopped me from getting up, I would have pounced on that kitty cat.

Realising how late it had gotten, Lino went to make lunch, everyone else piling on top of the couch, Channie joining them after putting away the board game. I sat with them as well, although a bit further away this time, having had enough physical contact for a while. 

“Wait, Bae hyung, you’re not helping Minho hyung this time?” - Lixie sweetly asked from Binnie’s hold.

I merely shook my head in response, still not over the cat’s teasing comment.

“Hang on, baby, are you pouting?” “No.” - I said but as I looked away, my eyes locked with the working feline’s in the kitchen, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Oh he definitely is!” - he shouted, making my ears burn in embarrassment.

I could only cover my face with my hands to hide, pulling my tail up to it as well for maximum coverage.

What was with them and making me absolutely and completely flustered lately?

Channie only giggled at my reaction, saying something along the lines of ‘shy baby’, Lixie and Binnie joining him. Jin wasn’t far behind, quickly realising he liked seeing me like this as well, much to my demise.

Weighing my choices, I immediately realised staying in the living room was to my disadvantage, so I hastily stood up -wobbling and almost hitting the arm of the couch on my way- and went into the kitchen. Dealing with one sly cat was still easier than dealing with four teasing hybrids.

"Look who showed up." - he greeted me, mischief flashing in his eyes.

I only glanced in his direction as a response, too tired to do anything else. As if sensing it, he stopped with the comments and teasing, peacefully telling me what to do in the kitchen.

We started gaining a certain rhythm the past few weeks, one we easily fell back into. 

Thanks to it, the food was done in no time, the table ready and made. We quickly called the others to eat, lunch going much like how breakfast did. Maybe there was a bit more bickering than usual, everyone still feeling the effects of that Monopoly game, but nothing too tragic happened.

Soon enough we were on that sofa again, a sappy romance movie playing on the TV, like it usually did. I swear, if it wasn't Jin's series, then it was some kind of random, romance movie. Nothing else.

Its story was bland, not too bad, but not that good either. My interest quickly diminished, not helping the sudden feeling of exhaustion that swept over me. Not having slept for the night finally caught up to me, pulling my eyelids closed even as I fought against it.

But I couldn't win, sleep taking over me, head lolling onto the back of the couch.

-.-

Soft murmurs woke me up, the voices hushed and soft around me.

“Hyung, you knew this was coming sooner or later, we have to tell him.” “I know, I know, but…” “Chan hyung, it’s gonna be alright. He’s not as fragile as you think.”

The wolf merely sighed, as if the weight of the world sat upon his shoulders. I raised an arm to rub at my eyes before opening them, seeing everyone gathered together a small distance away from me. A quick stretch later I gazed up at them with a tilted head, not understanding, nor liking how tense they all seemed as they slowly approached me.

“Baby, you know how you’re part of our pack, right?” - Channie asked, his hands gingerly taking mine into their hold.

I nodded back with uncertainty, because even though I had a hard time wrapping my head around it, they always made sure I knew. I had no idea why they decided to accept me, the concept foreign to me, but every single time I thought about it, warmth spread through my veins.

It still felt like a lie to me.

“And because you are, we value your opinion too. So… how would you feel about a potential new pack member?”

A new… what now?

I glanced at Jin, the latest addition to the pack. It felt natural to have him around by now, his presence soothing, if not chaotic at times with his dramatic personality.

But it wasn’t always like that.

It pained me to remember the days we avoided the other, how he flinched whenever our gazes met. The way my body tensed up even against my will whenever I caught a whiff of his scent, how it reminded me of times I wished I could forget.

What if the other hybrid would react like that as well?

As if sensing my spiralling thoughts, the wolf gently squeezed my hands.

“Jisoo-ssi met a hybrid in the rehabilitation centre. We already met him one by one, but we don’t want to continue with things until we know you’re fine with it. He’s a sweet little squirrel hybrid, timid for sure, but he would never judge you, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” “Mhm, you don’t have to be scared of that, Bae hyung. He doesn’t care about how you look like, or what you smell like. Right, Hyunjinnie?” - Lixie added in as he sat down on my other side, the taller leopard humming in response. “He likes to eat and he’s not afraid of this house cat. What more proof do you need?” “What’s that supposed to mean, you little pika?” “Nothing!” “Guys, not now.”

The two immediately shut up at the wolf’s warning, only continuing to glare at each other.

“Will…you guys come too?” - my voice was quiet, unsure if I had the right to ask this of them. “Of course we will! As a matter of fact, we were thinking that we could visit him right now, if ya wanted to. Jisoo-ssi’s already there, waiting for our answer.” - Channie enthusiastically answered, his hand ruffling my hair aggressively.

Everyone started excitedly rushing around the place, each going to their rooms to get ready as fast as they could. I followed their example, walking up towards my room to change into a different set of loose pants and a hoodie. Maybe I could wear that red one? Or maybe that black one, with the thumb holes?

After a few minutes of thinking, I settled on the comforting black hoodie that now draped over my tall form, ready to depart.

Arriving back at the living room, mostly everyone was there, except Jin, who was still unable to decide between two shirts. Lixie just rolled his eyes and went to help him, the pair arriving back not even a minute later. Soon we were walking towards the car after getting our shoes on -such an uncomfortable thing, really-, and off we went towards that centre thing, sadly only after the wolf put that dreaded collar on me.

-.-

Fitted with a hat and a mask once more, I stepped out of the vehicle, only to have my arm immediately snatched by Lino. He didn’t even spare me a glance, just started walking towards the entrance of the building once everyone was ready to go. 

And holy shit, there were a lot of people inside.

Everything hit me at once: the cacophony of smells, the rushing form of humans and hybrids, the sounds that bled together in disharmony.

It was all too much, my body already protesting and begging me to turn around and run away; to just shut down silently in a corner, surrounded by walls.

“Come on, this way baby.” - rang Channie’s soothing voice through my ears over the chaos, grounding my overwhelmed self.

His warm hand gently pushed on my rigid back, urging me forward along with the two hybrids holding my hands; they led me through the sea of people, their human now standing before us in a much less crowded space. 

“Everyone okay, nothing happened while coming here?” - the tall human said -he was taller than even Hyunjin, i noticed-, worried eyes sweeping over all our forms.  “No, no, we’re okay, no need to worry.” - the wolf replied, his hand still resting between my shoulder blades. “You’re always such a worrywart, Chan hyung has driven a lot of times before, have some faith in him.” - Lixie butted in, swinging our conjoined hands quite happily. “Yea, besides, we’re not children!” - at Changbin’s comment, the human levelled at him a stare so cold, the words froze into his shrinking form.

They all just laughed at his misery, some even doubling over and wheezing for air.

“Now that you all laughed yourselves out, kids, let’s go before we grow old just standing here. Wouldn’t wanna worry our little squirrel either, now would we?” - the human sent a wide smile at us and walked away, his steps seemingly confident in their path.

The walls along our journey were colourful, vibrant, hand-painted symbols and figures cluttering their forms. The overhead lights were warm, not too bright, but not too dim either; my eyes quickly adjusted to them without the need to squint or blink excessively. The air was fresh, a slight breeze pushing past our walking forms, carrying along the confusing mess of scents.

I… didn’t expect this.

Where was the white, the dull walls, the blindingly bright cold light, the stuffy, clean air? The quiet, neverending halls, the thick doors? 

Where was it all?

“...ople can enter, 4 of you will have to stay behind, sorry.” - a different human’s voice slowly registered in my mind, body immediately going fully rigid once more.

When did this one appear?

“Oh, it’s alright, I’ll stay behind with Hyunjin, Felix and Changbin hyung. You three can go in, how about that?” - their human answered, his gaze landing on us.

Channie and Minho responded, a squeeze on my hand and a little push on my back was all I got before I was ushered into a small room, the only occupant already up and walking around nervously. Lino squeezed my hand once more before letting go and joining the unknown hybrid, the two interacting as if they were long lost friends. My presence was momentarily forgotten by the duo, something I used to my advantage in observing this new place and hybrid.

The air was filled with the salty smell of the ocean, as if it was trying to drag me down and drown me in its depths. I didn’t need to take a deeper breath to feel it, my sensitive nose able to feel it even with the smallest intake of air; just the thought alone made my stomach roll violently. The source of the smell was the jumpy little squirrel; small little ears peeking from his mop of dark brown hair, a bushy tail curled up behind him. They all shared light colours, like grey and white, immediately tickling me strangely.

Usually squirrels were some type of brown or red coloured, maybe even black. But he had a different colour scheme, one that for some reason didn’t sit well with me. One that was slightly familiar, but not fully? It was weird, really weird.

Before I could dwell on it more, the wolf -who i had forgotten about in all honesty- led me to a chair, wordlessly telling me to sit down. I abided, even though we were closer to the two conversing hybrids now as a result, causing my body to shudder. I wasn’t paying attention to their conversation, but a whisper of ‘Is he okay?’ hit my ears, causing my brows to furrow. Was the squirrel talking about me?

“Baby, I’ll get you some water, stay here, I’ll be right back.” “N-no, don’t–” - I tried to say, but why did my voice waver and shake so much?

Oh… my whole body was shaking.

“Jisung-ssi, can we move some of your things from a corner of the room? Preferably one that has the least of your scent.” “Y-yea, uh, l-lemme help, here.”

There was some shuffling and moving around as I desperately clung to Channie, his familiar scent my last line of defence before I completely gave up and emptied my stomach then and there. He held me close, hand rubbing little circles into my shoulder, providing me the minimum of comfort he could.

Why was this happening to me? Again?

Was I so weak that being in a new place caused me to crumble and become undone so easily? Was I really?

I hated this so much. So, so much.

“Alright baby, I’m gonna pick you up, is that alright?” - his gentle voice asked and I merely nodded, too busy trying to control my body and not appear any weaker in front of them, if that was even possible.

True to his words, he picked me up, my body gingerly placed in an empty corner of the room, the walls feeling nice and cool as I pressed into them for more. In that chase of the calming cold, I let my head fall back with closed eyes, no doubt messing up the hat that sat upon it. But I really did not care about that at the moment, not at all, that was the least of my worries.

Feeling that the walls had more or less warmed up thanks to my feverish skin, I let my head fall onto my knees that were pulled close to my chest, the position slightly helping me with my nausea.

“Bae, can you hear me?” - Lino’s voice reached my ears, a hum leaving my lips as a response.

“Baby, do you want to leave the room?” “Nno… outside worse… nausea” - I somehow gritted out and opened my eyes, not feeling the room spinning anymore.

Worried gazes and scents greeted me back, only causing my ears to push into my head under the hat even more in guilt.

“Sorry, am good now.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, baby, you did nothing wrong. Do you need anything to make you feel better?”

I merely shook my head as an answer, the guilt not dissipating in the slightest.

I felt like a burden, always needing some type of care and special attention. They couldn’t go out with me and not worry, someone always having to be by my side and literally hold my hand.

It was frustrating.

I was frustrated with myself.

“Y-you know, it always helps me to cuddle with a plushie after an episode. The bigger, fluffier, better smelling, the better. I would lend you one, but that would be uh… quite counterproductive, dontcha think?” - the squirrel quietly said, his far away sitting form almost in the middle of the room; his comment made a sweetly mellow smelling hoodie appear in my arms, my appendages gathering the fabric together in a ball and cuddling it.

“Counting my breathing and tapping to it also helps. Sometimes it gives nice ideas for songs too, heh.” - and he was right, silently following my breathing did smooth it out a bit.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath of the hoodie in my arms, I could feel my pulse calming and the knot in my stomach slightly unwinding. It wouldn’t become completely undone, no, not when I was not in my den, my home, but being in this room was still a much better choice than being out in that busy hallway.

Opening my eyes once more, I inhaled that comforting scent yet again and looked at the owner of the hoodie. His expression softened out, eyes slightly crinkling up in happiness. His scent sweetened, taking me to that flower field I loved so much.

And that field was surrounded by the vast forest, moss and other creatures abundant in it. It felt freeing, something I desperately needed in this closed off building. And Chan gave it to me, his dimples peeking out as a reward when I glanced at him.

My chest felt lighter, the room becoming brighter.

But through it all, the underlying smell of salt and wind and rain remained there.

Glancing at the last occupant of the room, my eyes met with the squirrel’s, his dark ones lighting up in response. He smiled, lips turning heart-shaped and I just didn’t understand.

Why was he so happy? Was it because I looked at him?

Why?

I could only tilt my head in confusion before nodding at him from behind the hoodie in my arms, thankful for his advice. He let out a breath he held, his form sagging as he laid down on the floor. The other two next to me lightly laughed at his reaction, their forms sagging a bit too and sitting down heavily on the floor from their crouched position.

I had no idea what was happening, but they smelled fine and they were laughing and smiling, so I guessed it was okay. Even though it made no sense to me.

“Bae, you sure ya don’t need anything?” - Chan asked once more, Lino looking at me as well.

I just shook my head, but then realised something.

“Go, calm the others down. They smell panicked. Worried.” - I grated out, my throat still clogged up and voice raspy.

I didn’t need to tell them twice, Chan was out the door in an instant, his surprise from my statement wearing off quickly. I could hear them through the wall, my worry proven to be right. As Chan was speaking, their scents slowly turned back to their normal state, becoming less sour and tainted.

It allowed me to let out a sigh of relief, my brows letting up a little.

“Bae, did you smell them?” - Lino’s soft voice cut through the silence, gathering my attention immediately. “Mhm.” “I’m always amazed by how impressive that nose of yours is. We couldn’t, not even Chan. And he’s the pack leader.”

Ah, so that was why the wolf looked so surprised initially. I nodded back at the cat back slowly, unsure what to make of this. But before I could think more on the matter, the smell of sand and sun picked up, the little squirrel in the centre of my attention.

“Ah, s-sorry, I just wanted to stand up and stretch a bit. I won’t go closer, promise!” - the herbivore quickly added in, his arms flailing around in panic.

I gently shook my head in response, silently telling him that it was fine. I could handle the smells for now, Lino’s hoodie strong enough to deter them until I could fight them off by myself. But if that skittish boy made himself panic even more, causing his smell to become the epitome of salt and storm, I would probably empty my stomach sooner rather than later.

So I looked next to me, at the sitting form of our cat, and I made sure to look into his eyes, then look back at the squirrel a few times. His eyebrows furrowed, mouthing an ‘Are you sure?’, but I nodded at him firmly.

With a last squeeze of my arm, he stood up and went to the squirrel, dragging him to the bed in a half-hug. They plopped onto it with a force, only thanks to Lino.

“E-eh? But, but the wolf, he-” “Will be fine, Han. He asked me to come to you. See? No need to be afraid. Told you he will like you.”

They whispered back and forth, probably thinking I couldn’t hear them. But I could, my ears flicking once or twice in response, messing up the hat even further. Their conversation went away from me quickly though, venturing into the territory of everyday topics and similar interests. I tuned them out soon after I realised that, not wanting to eavesdrop.

There was no need for that now.

The door opening stole my attention, my head craning to the side to see the wolf creeping in, quickly shutting the door gently after he squeezed himself through. His face lit up when he saw I was already watching him, those dimples of his apparent.

“Hiii baby, how’re you doin’?” - he sang out as he sat back next to me, the lush forest back with full force in my senses.

Before I could even hum in response, he playfully glared at me, making me huff.

“Fine.” - I replied instead vocally, not happy about the situation. “Good job baby. Brought you some water, in case you actually needed it.”

I thanked him quietly and took the offered bottle, my limbs aching from the sudden movement. The joints groaned and popped, my muscles tensed and relaxed. My position suddenly felt uncomfortable, everything ached and protested. Still, I took the bottle and with a satisfying pop, it was open, the contents downed in a matter of seconds.

Licking my lips to catch an escaping droplet, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my own hoodie and put down the now empty bottle onto the ground. I felt fine enough, my stomach not rolling in waves of nausea, so I gently stood up and watched the two on the bed cuddle and talk.

“You can join them, ya kno’.” - Chan’s whisper entered my ears, his form next to me as he gently grabbed my shoulders.

I glanced at him, then back at the two.

“Or ya can stay here. It’s fine.”

With a squeeze, he finished what he wanted to say and grabbed the empty water bottle, going to the little trash can on the other side of the room to dispose of it.

But I stayed in my spot.

The two hybrids seemed to be absorbed in their own world, their scents happy and content. Their eyes shined in the other’s presence, their smiles just a bit brighter.

When they caught me staring, they directed those smiles at me, the squirrel even shyly waving in my direction. My eyes widened in surprise, but I tried to wave back, my hand half-raised and stiff. They both laughed at that, but no malice was in it. No, the sound was light as it rang through the air, as if we were home in our den, the pack together and having fun.

A knock broke the serene atmosphere.

Their human peeked his head in, searching for Chan and looking at him with an apologetic expression as he whispered a ‘We need to go, sorry.’ to him. The wolf nodded back, then the door closed again and we were alone in the heavy atmosphere.

I watched as Lino said goodbye to the little herbivore, the latter looking really sad. But the cat ruffled his hair and promised him that he would come back soon, improving the mood a little.

The wolf was next, playfully tousling the squirrel’s hair as well, promising him the same thing. With a final hug, they were done, all eyes set on me.

I waved at the little hybrid, slightly dreading going out to the hallways again. He waved back with a small smile, something sad hidden on his face.

The other two hybrids walked to the door, looking at me expectantly to join them.

And yet, I didn’t.

No, I looked back at the sad little boy on the bed and walked up to him, fidgeting slightly in my spot once I reached him. He looked up at me, eyes wide and glistening.

“Can I… Can I ask for something of yours?” - my voice was so quiet, it was a miracle he heard it at all. “Oh uh, of course, what would you like?” - he quickly answered after he got over his surprise, expression brightening.

“Just. Just something that has your scent on it.” - I muttered out, embarrassed of my request.

His whole face lit up after a few seconds, quickly standing up and scrambling around for something to give me. Eventually he settled on a big plushie, just the right size for cuddling. He shyly extended it towards me, and I took it, equally embarrassed. I was sure my cheeks were gradually heating up with every second, and gosh did I not want the others to see it. I wouldn’t be able to escape their teasing…

Hugging it to my chest in my arms, the smell of sunshine and salt hit me, along with the scent of mellow flowers. Only then did I realise I was still clutching onto Lino’s hoodie as if it was my lifeline, my knuckles white from the force. I quickly relaxed my hold, nodding in thanks to the little herbivore and taking a last glance at his now much brighter expression as he waved at us.

The door closed and the chaotic arrangement of smells was back, making me lean down and bury my nose into Lino’s hoodie that was draped partly over the plushie. Looking up afterwards, I was met with the playful look on Lino and Chan’s faces, and the surprised and somehow betrayed look on everyone else’s.

I tilted my head at that, not sure why they looked at me like that. Their human merely chuckled, pushing Lix into my direction. That broke the boy out of his stupor, quickly coming up to me and looking into my eyes with his own sparkling ones.

“Is that Jisung’s? Is that plushie Jisung’s, Hyung? Is it?” - he rambled out and I lightly nodded at that, holding it out for him to take if he wanted to.

The boy snatched it quickly, looking at it and back up at me in disbelief.

“Channie hyung, are ya sure Bae hyung is fine? He didn’t hit his head or… he didn’t get any permanent side effects or anything…?” “I can assure you Lixie, that is the Bae you’ve known from the beginning.” - the wolf answered back, a playful lilt in his voice.

Lix looked at the cat next, disbelief still evident on his face. But Lino merely nodded, amused by the whole shenanigans in front of him. A hand was suddenly on my forehead, my out of place hat not helping in blocking it.

“You don’t feel hot either. That can only mean one thing: Hyung, you betrayed us! You like him more than us!” - there went Jin with his theatrics, looking hurt.

I quickly learned that he was just faking it, his scent easily betraying his true mood. And he was just mildly annoyed, if at all. But behind his tall form was a pouting little pika, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his lower lip jutting out. He was half turned away from me, his usually fresh scent a bit too sour.

Was he… was he actually hurt by my actions?

He kept glancing at me and away, but as he saw my expression he suddenly walked in front of me and hugged me, his face smushed into my chest.

“Stupid Bae hyung, I’m not actually angry at you. But I do require cuddles from you when we get home! As payback!” - his voice was loud, even muffled. “Hey, me too!” - Lix butted in, quickly catching up to the situation. “Me three!” - Jin shouted in as well, making me start to dread going home. “Yah, don’t leave us out! Right, Minho?” - Chan said as he giggled, Lino sighing because he knew he couldn’t back out of this one.

And that cat enjoyed it anyway, he just denied it. I could tell.

Glancing over their forms, my eyes reached their human’s, his expression gentle and warm. When he noticed I was watching him, his smile widened a tad bit before he looked away, telling the others that it was time to go home. They whined a bit, but eventually started following the human, Lix taking his hand and swinging it around happily. This drew a laugh out of the human, but his grip only tightened on the feline’s small hand. The excited feline’s scent sweetened impossibly, his happiness apparent to everyone around them.

Changbin went to the other side of the human, chatting with the two, a big smile on his face. He hooked his little pinky together with the human’s, the latter quickly accepting it without hesitation. The herbivore’s scent was the freshest I had ever felt, the citrus mixing with the candy and happily wafting through the air.

That was when I’d truly realised just how important that human was to them.

My eyes drifted to that familiar hand holding mine, the motion feeling a bit wrong now. Would they leave me if I disliked their human? Would they force me out, just because of that? What would they do if I accidentally attacked him when I wasn’t myself? When the terrors of my past choked the life out of me?

What would they do then?

As if sensing my thoughts, I felt a small squeeze on my hand. Looking up, I saw that he wasn’t looking at me, no, he was invested in talking with the other three in front of us, but the way his grip subtly tightened felt good. It felt comforting, as if I was needed.

Looking to my other side, where my other arm was clutched at, I saw Jin. His hold was gentle, careful to not twist the hoodie out of my hold against my chest. He occasionally ran his thumb over my arm, going back and forth in a soothing motion. Maybe he did it unconsciously, or maybe he didn’t, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

Glancing slightly behind me, I was met with Chan, the plushie I got from the little squirrel under one of his arms -why and how it ended up with him, i had no idea-. He smiled at me brightly, his dimples fully on display. It eased the knot in my chest, his expression softening. His hand reached towards my head, fixing my hat and brushing a few stray strands of hair out of my face. His eyes roamed over my form and with a satisfied hum, he turned towards the others and told them we were ready to go.

When did we stop and for how long had we been standing there, I had not the slightest idea.

I only blinked at them as I was tugged away by my arms, soon sitting in that hateful car and speeding off towards home.

-.-.-

The next few days after our visit to the little squirrel went by uneventfully. Mostly.

I spent my days in the presence of others, like I usually did. I watched his shows with Jin, providing him company. I cooked with Lino, even though he teased me and for some reason seemed really interested in my bottom. Changbin and Felix usually stole me away from the others for cuddles, sometimes even at night. And Chan…

Well, Chan felt stressed.

His scent was off, the forest drowning in rain and the roots rotting. I could feel it immediately, the smell hitting me after he disappeared to talk with the human. And I suspected he knew it too, because he had been avoiding me as much as he could. No more was the cuddly, giggly wolf, there was only an awkward, colder version in its place.

I hated it.

So the next time I caught a glance of the human -because Channie shut himself in a room-, I decided to take action. Carefully extracting the sleeping snow leopard off my form, I hastily strode towards the kitchen where my target resided. He was getting himself a cup of water, but he must not have heard me, because as he turned around, he almost immediately dropped it.

“Jesus christ, you fucking scared me.” - he whispered out, a hand clutching his chest in panic.

I apologised, my ears lowering towards my head in guilt. It was never my intention to scare him, I just wanted to talk, nothing else.

“Don’t worry, I’m just a scaredy cat. The others like to tease me for it actually.” - he chuckled out, waving his hand in the air in a dismissive manner, causing me to relax a bit.

“So, what brings you here?”

I looked at him as he was watching me, sipping on his drink and waiting for my reply patiently. He didn’t seem annoyed or angry, his faint scent still the same, giving me enough courage to actually ask him what I had wanted to.

“3 days ago, what did you talk about with Chan?”

He lowered his cup, his expression dimming immediately. His eyes had a sad glint in them, even though his lips were slightly curled up.

“So you noticed, huh? Agh, Channie hyung, you always make stupid decisions when trying to protect others. Come, I’ll tell you.” - he grunted out, a hand messing up his hair in stress.

I raised an eyebrow, not understanding why we needed to change rooms, but followed him nonetheless.

His smaller form led the way into one of the boys’ rooms, hand still messing with his hair, all the while muttering light profanities at the wolf and the situation. It was a bit amusing, to be quite honest, because he wasn’t truly angry. No, he still smelled like cut grass next to a candy shop, even if it was a bit sour now, as if the shop closed for the day.

“  Sigh  The reason why he’s avoiding you is because some problems came up… regarding you. No, no, not with you, just about you! Don’t look like a kicked puppy, please!” - he said as he leaned against the door, arms frantically flailing around at the end.

Before I really had any chance to think about what he said and start thinking how they might be planning on getting rid of me, he continued.

“Remember when you were out clothes shopping with the boys? Apparently you caught the eye of a few people, desperate to learn more about you and your species. They’ve gone so far as to approach me about buying you when we went to visit Ji. The fucking gall of those people. Had Hyune and the others not been there, I would have punched them in the face straight up. That’s what we’ve been working on, just me and Chan. But they’re really persistent, no matter what we do, they keep making a scene on the internet. It’s giving me a headache, in all honesty. Chan’s avoiding you because he didn’t want you to know, to worry and potentially have an attack. You already have enough on your plate, he didn’t want to add more onto it.”

The human, no, Jisoo rambled on, massaging his head in frustration and exhaustion. Now that I paid more attention, there were dark circles under his eyes, his skin was even paler than usual and his voice quiet, borderline whispering.

I felt…conflicted, weird.

He… he’s been protecting me this whole time, and I was afraid he was planning on doing the exact opposite of that. Just the thought made me push my ears into my head, tail lifeless and between my legs. My lips curved slightly downwards, my chest feeling heavy with emotions.

He did all that, even though…

“Bae hyung?”

Even though he probably knew what I had done. What I had been running from all this time.

“Hey, do you need me to call one of them here for you? Just sit down, please.”

It hurt.

“You knew all this time, didn’t you?” - my voice whispered out, eyes cast downwards and hands clutching my hoodie. “Knew what?” - he asked back, voice now impossibly soft. “You never asked questions. Not about my species, my presence in this house, your house, and not about my previous owners. Even though you must have gotten access to my files after the checkup.”

His legs entered my downcast vision, a hand slowly reaching towards mine. I could have stepped away at any given chance, but… I didn’t. No, I simply stood there, letting him take one of my hands into his, allowing him to gently cradle it.

“I do.”

He didn’t say anything more. No, he just stood there in silence, holding my hand and drawing shapes in it as my vision blurred and lower lip wobbled.

Jisoo said nothing as he allowed me, a murderer, to silently cry in the room, giving me comfort I didn’t deserve.

-.-

After that fateful day, Jisoo must have told Chan about what happened, because the wolf just stopped avoiding me completely. He greeted me with an apologetic smile, allowing me to wrestle him into my lap with a huff.

Fucking idiot, worrying me and the others.

Because while they knew about the situation, what he’s been dealing with, they were still incredibly worried and wanted to help. Help, that finally wasn’t rejected by him, lightening up the atmosphere immediately.

So as we were just sitting on the living room’s couch, Channie in my lap as I completely engulfed his giggling form, he and the others were talking about possible solutions for the thorn in their side. I didn’t understand a lot of it, only some computer-related words making sense to me.

“What if we just dox them?” “Felix, we can’t just do that!” - Chan immediately shot down the idea, causing the others to groan in protest.

I just sighed and buried my head into his neck, unwanted wisps of past conversations and scenarios popping into my head. Back when I wasn’t like this, when I had a stable job and a clear future.

“Just let them be.”

Getting no response, I looked up from my hiding place and was met with surprised and confused expressions.

“Baby, we can’t just do that. It’s your life on the line.” “Yeah, what makes you say that?” - Felix asked me, his brows furrowed and lips slightly jutted out in a pout.

I sighed out at what the two said, tired of this already.

“My face and ears were hidden, right? Then it’s fine, they can’t recognise me. Besides, if you really won’t sell me, they’ll give up eventually, just keep rejecting them.” - I replied, head laying on Channie’s shoulder as a wave of exhaustion hit me. “Oh my god, I’ve never heard him speak so much.” - Lino added in, a genuine shocked expression sitting on his face along with the others’.

I furrowed my brows at that, rolling my eyes in response. First I didn’t speak enough, then I spoke too much.

“Good job baby, I’m so proud of ya!” - the wolf giggled out as he wriggled in my hold, reversing it even against my protests.

Eventually I accepted my fate, laying in his arms as he cooed at me. Although that proved to be the wrong decision, as the others came to their senses and piled on top of me. Even that menace of a cat, only to slap my bottom and earn a strangled sound out of me. I couldn’t retaliate or stop him even if I wanted to, Channie and the others basically held me down as they snuggled into me, as if they wanted to crawl into my skin.

Needless to say, the felines started purring immediately in the cuddle pile, while Channie let out elated growls and Binnie just happily absorbed it all, occasionally giving out his own short, high-pitched chirps. Their scents enveloped me, allowing me to take a moment and walk in my favourite place and relax.

My eyes crinkled as I saw the trees were now enveloped in sunlight, the rot in their roots now nowhere to be found. Even though the wind sometimes picked up, it was quickly balanced out by the scent of sugar and citrus it carried along. They danced around in the air as I ran, following a path that I took so many times that I knew it by heart, just to arrive in that flower field with an easel in the middle. The flowers were still mellow, their colour faint and pastel. But they were constantly there, livening up the place with their presence. The easel had a canvas on it, paint tubes sitting on the little shelf at the bottom. The white fabric had splotches of colour, all different, yet harmonising perfectly.

It was my safe haven.

The thought wasn’t scary anymore, I was happy that I had a place I could call my own. To call people my own.

No, I wasn’t afraid of that, not anymore. Only the thought of what I would sacrifice for them froze the blood in my veins.

Because deep down, I already knew the answer.

-.-

When I awoke, I found myself on the couch, a blanket draped over my form. The room was plunged into darkness, only the soft light of the moon illuminating the furniture.

I was alone, the warmth of the others having lost disappeared, yet the blanket still smelled strongly of them.

Slowly sitting up, my joints cracked and popped, making a satisfied sigh leave my form. I draped the blanket over my shoulders, its scent giving me a sense of comfort. As I silently padded over to the kitchen -my throat was absolutely parched-, I thought over what to do.

Sleep eluded me the moment I opened my eyes, having slept over most of the afternoon, so that was out of the question. Watching something on the TV was also in a similar situation, because I was afraid it would wake someone up accidentally. And also because they still wouldn’t let me use the remote by myself. I had no idea why.

But then a ray of moonlight caught my eye, its faint, bluish shine drawing my gaze to its source. The moon looked alluring, its form full and radiant.

Not even a minute later I found myself on the patio, sitting down on the small stairs that led to the lush grass and laying against the railing next to me.

It was peaceful, something I never really had the chance to just… admire. To take a moment, sit down and relax, enjoy what was around me.

Living on the streets was stressful.

But now, I didn’t have to worry about that anymore, something still hard to believe. The others worked hard everyday to drill it into my head, so it wasn’t a foreign concept anymore, but still.

I could just sit down and gaze at the moon whenever I wanted to, not needing to look over my shoulder every second. So I did exactly that, letting my mind wander around from topic to topic, creating new worlds and stories.

I didn’t even know how long I had been sitting there, until the scent of charcoal and paint caught my attention, the sound of footsteps soon following. My ears flicked in response, my body still relaxed, knowing it was just Jin and I was safe.

He soundlessly sat down onto a chair behind me, granting me a silent companion for the night. I didn’t mind, his presence soothing on the cold night, thankful that he didn’t cuddle up to me. I hit my limit for the day with that last one.

As I was connecting the stars in my mind, creating different shapes, the sound of graphite on paper hit my ears, soft strokes leaving a trail on the paper. It wasn’t hard to guess that Jin was the source, probably sketching something out as inspiration hit him.

His scent was strong, as if he himself was turning into a work of art, an obvious sign of his elated mood. It drew a small smile on my face, my tail swishing a few times lazily on the wooden boards.

That was how we spent our time, me, silently gazing at the sky and the slowly rising sun, him, silently sketching. We existed in each other’s presence, taking a break from the chaos that the group usually brought with itself.

But even the most tranquil of times had to be broken, as the sun had completely risen and woken the others up, based on the soft taps of socked feet I started hearing.

“Come on Dal hyung, let’s go greet the others.” - Jin suggested, making me stand up and follow him out, his little dimples peeking out as he smiled at me brightly.

I didn’t even question the name he used, his smile was way too cute to possibly ruin.

“Oh, good morning. How was your night?” - surprisingly Jisoo asked, surprised at our forms coming in from the backyard. “Morning! It was good, we were stargazing the whole night.” - Jin answered for us as I just nodded in response. “Sounds good boys. Little reminder that we’ll be picking up Ji to foster today, so don’t be late please. And Bae hyung, don’t forget your appointment. Bring anything comforting with you for it, but the doc needs to check if your injuries are properly healed. Have fun, I’ll see you guys later.” - with a headpat for Jin and a smile for me, he dashed out the door, seemingly in a hurry.

The others heard it and hurried to say goodbye to him, either in the form of a hug or a headpat. Felix even almost fell down, he was so determined to get that hug in. I almost laughed at him, almost.

Knowing that I couldn’t escape that visit because of the doctor, I headed up to my den and gathered a few things up. First was the squirrel’s plushie, placed away on the table, so it wouldn’t have any other scent sticking to it too much. I didn’t want to bring it with me, but I needed to smell it, so I wouldn’t get immediately overwhelmed by the herbivore himself. But that was why I asked for the plushie in the first place, to get used to his scent and not have an accident like with Jin. And it worked, the salt and sun wasn’t tainted by the smell of rotting seaweed and fish. It was very faint, so I was satisfied.

Secondly, I laid out my comfort hoodie that was stashed away in a box. I put it there because it was scented by everyone and I was afraid it would disappear if I left it with my other clothes. But the more I thought about that visit, the more nervous I became, so I opted to just put the clothing on instead, letting its big form engulf me.

It only took one sniff for my shoulders to start relaxing, my thoughts straying away from those darker places.

Grabbing the round plushie -it was a white rabbit, extremely soft and plush-, I went out of my room to join the others, knowing it was time for breakfast soon and Lino would barge into my den no problem.

The moment they saw me, everyone greeted me, Lix waddling up to me and making grabby hands, eyes still full of sleep and dreams. I sighed lightly, a small smile on my face as I knew what this meant already, witnessing him doing it to the others plenty of times. He just never asked me of this.

I threw the plushie onto the couch, my arms now empty and already lifting up the feline, placing him onto my hips. His limbs instantly latched onto me, purrs erupting from his chest as he nuzzled into my neck. I pat his back a few times, going to join the others as I greeted them with a little nod.

“Damn, I’m jealous.”

Bin?

“Yah, me too.”

Channie??

“Me three.”

Jin???

“We can eat snow leopard steak tonight.”

Lino?!???!

I couldn’t help, but step back and shield the already sleeping boy in my arms, horrified eyes fixated on the feline brandishing a knife. He quickly put it down, striding towards me with raised and open hands.

“I was joking, just joking, jagi. Go and sit at the table with the others, breakfast will be done soon, okay?” - he apologetically whispered out, tucking a strand of hair away from my face. 

I nodded, cheeks heated as I silently took my seat with the little feline in my hold.

“Lix, hey, Lixie, wake up.” - I tried to gently nudge him awake, but he only groaned and buried his face deeper into my chest, earning a sigh from me.

I knew how he got in the early morning, I witnessed it a few times already after all. He was basically stuck to you, as if you were his personal radiator.

So I simply wrestled his limbs off of me -with great force, even though he was still half asleep- and turned him around in my lap, so he was facing the table as well.

The others just gaped at us, mainly me, as the boy in my lap just widely blinked up at me before a bright smile broke out on his freckled cheeks.

“Okay so you just need to make grabby hands at him. Now we know the strategy.” - the wolf said, as if it was the most normal thing to blurt out. “Didn’t think it would be this easy, but here we are. I wanna be the next.” “That’s unfair, Hyunjin, I wanted to be!” - Binnie shouted out, making me slightly startle from the volume. “You were too slow, get fucked.” “Hey! Language!” “Oh come on Chan, just shut up and eat. You two as well.” - Lino exclaimed with a pointed look, having finished with bringing out the food.

I was already busy with filling up my plate, all with things that Lix liked and made his eyes sparkle. It drew a little chuckle out of me, because I basically had to feed him, seeing as he refused to eat on his own. Every bite earned a delighted hum from him, his tail happily curling around in the air.

Being so absorbed in feeding him and watching his reactions, I had forgotten to eat, thus I found myself face-to-face with a piece of food. It was Lino, something that didn’t surprise me, because he did this a lot. It was his silent way of taking care of the other, so I accepted the food with no complaints. His scent sweetened, earning a little hum from me.

“Look, Dal hyung’s tail is wagging so much. I’ve never seen it like that before.” - Bin whispered to Channie, the two’s eyes trained on my form.

I instantly looked behind and sure enough, he was right. Blood rushed to my cheeks, my tail stilling as I willed it to do so and fed Lixie the last of his food. He leaned against me, content purrs never stopping leaving his chest. I slightly tightened my hold on his waist, my other arm collecting food for myself. Even though Lino fed me -and the others a bit too, even though they were jealous-, I was still hungry.

“Babyyy, why did you stop? It was sooo cute!” - Channie whined, deepening the blush on my cheeks. “You’re going to turn him into a tomato at this rate, Chan hyung.” - Jin butted in, snickering. “Oh as if you aren’t part of this!” “You’re damn right I am.” “Lix, you can borrow that sweater I never let you have if you let me have your place.” - Binnie took the chance while the other two bickered. “Deal.”

That was how I found myself with a pika stuck to me on the couch after we all finished eating, the small herbivore not letting me go even when I went to get some water from the kitchen. No, he was just like Lixie, while Channie and Jin pouted on the other end of the couch. Lino just watched it with amusement in his eyes, taking some pictures for future blackmail against all of us.

I just let it happen at that point, ready to accept that I would not be left alone for the rest of the day.

And I was right, because when I went to help Lino in the kitchen with lunch, I had to do so with a pika stuck to my torso. I managed, but thanks to that I couldn’t dodge all of Lino’s slaps, his satisfied chuckles still ringing in my ears.

They would be the death of me, I was certain.

I was only let go when it was time to go, my mind having forgotten about that due to all the shenanigans that had happened. My pulse immediately picked up slightly, only rising while I went and changed my pants into something else that I could wear outside.

The collar I had to wear didn’t help.

-.-

Once again I found myself standing before that hybrid rehabilitation centre, fitted with a mask and a hat, one of my hands held by Lino.

In we went as a group, the young ones leading the way, while Chan brought up the back. It was the usual setup, me in the centre somewhere, supported and comforted by everyone’s presence. My stomach was rolling from the presence of people and all the smell, the thought of what was going to happen soon not helping the slightest.

But I followed them silently, obediently. I had no choice, but to.

“Did anything happen while I was away?” - Jisoo asked, his eyes looking over our forms critically and meticulously. “Dal hyung cheated on me!” - I could only stare with wide eyes at Jin, caught by surprise, while the human just laughed. “And how did that happen, Hyunjin hyung?” “First of all, if you call me so formally once more, I will have revenge. Second of all, he cuddled AND fed Felix! Then he cuddled Changbin! Can you believe that??” “Sorry, sorry, it just feels wrong to not call you guys like this. Forgive me Hyune.” - Jisoo laughed, bending over to gasp for air as the others laughed with him, Jin’s theatrics amusing them.

Not me though, I would have ran away and dug myself a grave had Lino not been holding my hand so tight, his knuckles were turning white.

After everyone calmed down and teased me until I swore my ears were red under my hat, the human asked me something weird.

“And Bae hyung, how do you like the name Hyune came up with?” - his eyes were warm and held no malice, only some teasing lights could be seen shining in them.

Ah, so Jin really did give it to me.

I merely smiled, eyes turning into crescents as I looked at the floor, not giving them a verbal response. But they knew, they could tell what my answer was. I felt it.

“Alright, I’ll get the papers done then. Let’s go, before they usher us out for lazing around and being in the way.” - Jisoo instructed lightheartedly, leading the way down a hallway.

We took different turns than last time, but the place remained the same; colourful walls illuminated by warm lights, fresh air being let in by huge windows littered on them. It allowed me to stay relaxed just enough to not bolt, my shoulders hunched as I squeezed Lino’s hand for reassurance. He responded every single time, not late even by a second.

“Baby, do you want someone to go in with you?” - Channie asked, his voice low and soothing.

I instantly nodded, hesitantly grabbing onto his shirt. He smiled, taking that hand in his and rubbing over my knuckles gently. He talked to the others for a bit, but I zoned out as I was focusing on my breathing, trying to not let my body shake and panic consume me.

It would be fine, it was just a quick checkup, nothing more.

“Ah, Bae-ssi, there you are. I assume you arrived fine?” - the doctor greeted me enthusiastically, but his eyes drifted towards my companion as the question left his lips. “We did, don’t worry, doctor. Thank you for accepting us.” - the wolf replied, bowing. “Oh come on Chan-ssi, I keep telling you not to be so uptight, but you’re so stubborn. I’m just doing my job, nothing special. This treatment should be the norm, so shush. Now, Bae-ssi, please sit down with your back facing me and pull up your hoodie.”

I did as the human instructed, Channie’s form in front of me as my eyes were cast down towards the floor, his hands massaging my shoulders. I felt some light touches along my back and heard the human hum sometimes, but nothing else happened. Then he asked me to face him, his hands now hovering near my head.

Thankfully he only touched me if it was purely necessary, the wolf behind me helping him with getting my hair out the way most of the time. I was grateful for that, the knot in my stomach not tightening more thanks to his actions.

“Alright, I can happily announce that you’re completely healed, only the faintest of scars remaining in some places. You wouldn’t even notice them if you didn’t know they were there. Really, Bae-ssi, your healing factor is amazing. Now, any discomfort, pain or anything that I should know about? Have you been alright?” - the human said in a cheerful voice, his chair rolling along the floor as he was searching around for something on his desk.

I hummed in denial, after all, I felt completely fine. Even my throat seemed to have recovered, speech not painful anymore. I still preferred non-verbal communication, much to the dismay of the others.

The human hummed in reply, accepting my answer. But then my vision directed upwards, my eyes staring into Channie’s. He smiled at me, his eyes warm nebulas I could get lost in and I almost did as his thumbs gently went back and forth on my skin.

I heard the wheels on the human’s chair squeak as he rolled back over, but the wolf didn’t let go of my head to let me look. Not even as my sleeve was rolled up, no, his hold on me was firm as he changed position and came to my other side in front of me, pushing my head into his abdomen.

That left a weird feeling in my chest, my heart starting to hammer in its little cage.

And then I felt a stinging sensation in my arm.

My body immediately tensed up, hands flying towards him, desperately trying to push him away by gripping onto his hoodie, even as he tightened his grip on me. But I couldn’t win against him, not when one of my hands was held in place, another sting following the previous one.

My mind was spiralling, taking me back to places I didn’t want to ever go back to.

The fabric on my back was suddenly too thin, as if nothing was there, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed. Feeling the clean air on my skin always meant one thing, the thing I despised the most. I desperately wanted to get out, to push my back against the wall or run away, but they always caught me.

Not my back, please, anything but–

“ –by, baby, you’re okay. It’s over, you’re here with me. Take deep breaths with me, just like I taught you. In, then out. Yes, like that, good job! In, and then, out.” - Channie’s voice entered my ears, drowning out the screams I had heard in my head.

His scent was strong, the dirt and moss overpowering my senses as the picture of white walls and cold lights disintegrated, replaced by darkness as my face was still smushed into his hoodie. A hand was gently carding through my hair, his lips murmuring comforting nothings into my ears. I flicked them in response, my tail swishing once.

I was alright.

In a few short seconds we were out, Channie thanking the human, the latter only smiling and waving at us. I didn’t do much, I only remembered holding the wolf’s hand, following him out the door and towards the others, who smelled a bit worried seeing us.

“What happened?” - it was their human, Jisoo, who asked what was on all their minds. “What we feared was true… The doctor gave him a slight dose of something to help him relax, that’s why he’s a bit out of it now.” - Channie’s hand never left mine, his thumb only stroking gently over my knuckles.

Immediately the others surrounded me, worry oozing out of their every pore. It saddened me, how their scents were sour, the flowers trampled over and the easel knocked over. With every inhale I felt it, my heart cracking in response.

My body finally responded to my calls, letting out a low growl and a whine, letting them know it was okay. They responded within the same heartbeat, chirps and growls entering my ears. Their scents let up a bit, satisfied for now after hearing me.

And I was fine, until I remembered my back was still wide open, the thought itching me wrong.

Thus I walked in front of Jin and picked him up on my back, a surprised yelp leaving his lips in response. He latched onto me, confused, but letting me do my own thing. The others were similar, but they let it go with a small laugh.

I felt safer this way, something primal inside me satisfied for now.

“Alright, we’re here. Let’s take Ji home, even if only for a few weeks, shall we?” - Jisoo said, a smile as he looked at us before opening the door.

The scent of the ocean hit me, my eyes greeted with an excited little squirrel. He bounded over to us, the clothes on him a bit too big for his stature as they practically consumed him alive. His lips were in that heart-shaped smile, his hand waving excitedly as he went over to hug practically everyone. When he was coming towards me, Jin hopped off my back quickly, making me confused and a bit hurt.

“Woah, are you okay? Your pupils are wide open.” - the squirrel rambled out, his eyes wide as they stared into mine.

I blinked and looked away, nodding as I turned towards Jin, wanting an explanation. Instead I felt a weight hit my back, my arms quickly flying up to support the little herbivore that practically flew onto my back. The others panicked, ready to catch him in case I threw him off or anything, but…

I didn’t.

His presence was fine, surprisingly familiar. There was a connection between us, one that reminded me of Jin.

And as he leaned onto my shoulder, our cheeks touching, I finally realised why.

He had that extremely faint smell of clean and antiseptic, making me realise why his colours struck me weirdly. He was like me and Jin, well, like one of us, making my lips curve downwards.

I was hoping I was wrong. I was so, so hopeful…

And yet, here we were, walking through colourful hallways as I was carrying him on my back, silently listening to him and the others converse. They chatted as if it was normal, as if somehow this little squirrel had been the part of the pack all along. They immediately clicked, like puzzle pieces of the same picture.

“How can you guys not be on him all the time? He smells like hot cocoa you drink on a snowy winter day in front of a fireplace, all cosy and bundled up.” “That’s the thing, we are. You just need to use your puppy eyes on Bae and you’ve already won.” - Binnie answered the squirrel’s question, making me whip my head towards him.

They were talking about me AND outing me right under my nose??

“Hey, look, we’re right.” “No more snacks for you.” - I answered the pika, making him whine and fruitlessly beg me to change my mind.

Amidst all that, I smelled a human rushing towards us, its footsteps echoing down the hall. I let out a growl, my stance wide and ready in case of anything. The others immediately quieted down, standing next to or behind me, alert.

Just as it was about to touch Jisoo, I growled once more, the sound frightening the poor thing.

“Uh, s-sorry, but Jisoo-yah, I’ve been looking for you. I know you already have like six hybrids and you just took one in to foster, but I am BEGGING you, take this one puppy with you. He’s constantly causing trouble, pranking us and I’m losing my mind!”

Sorry, what now?

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅⋅•⋅⋅⋅•∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

next chapter

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

[dangermousie]

Chapters 21-22 of Case File Compendium

Thanks to @vierran45​ for showing me how to automatically pre-purchase all the upcoming chapters on jjwxc. You are a life-saving genius!

Also, these chapters definitely confirmed that XQC chain-smokes as a way to de-stress because no matter how he tries to convince himself he has no emotions, he has plenty and the stress is eating him alive. No surprise he chooses such an awful coping method - ch 22 showed he’s terrible at taking care of himself!

Not as terrible as He Yu is at it though - every chapter shows what a pressure cooker HY is under - XQC asks him how can he consider dating when his condition is not under control and you KNOW that is in the back of HY’s mind as well, even though he’s defiant with XQC - it’s as if he’s trapped behind glass watching others live normal lives. Even XQC both says he needs to make connections and then says it’s dangerous, at the same time.

Btw:

If you only knew, boys!

But honestly, I cannot wait to see how unbreakable fortress of self-protective ice that is XQC will melt enough not just to date HY (younger, “wrong” gender etc) but to date him despite that it’s reckless dangerous madness to date someone with that condition.

I think this exchange is the crux of so many things so far - HY may be smart but his EQ (like that of all Meatbun protags) is not the highest to put it mildly. He should be able to tell but his emotions and issues are so tangled in everything that he cannot. And also yeah - he’s a teenager, a group of people not usually known for maturity, by very definition.

What is it with Meatbun and dogs? There was Gu Mang who thought he was a wolf and had a BFF dog and Mo Ran who’s literally the “dumb husky” of the title (I will never be over how in the extras it mentions Taxian Jun and Goutou the dog can completely understand each other as if they can converse!)

Also, the BDSM innuendo continues. That log book was full of people thinking that XQC would make a perfect gong and HY the perfect shou and Meatbun is writing the opposite but...I am not saying that log book is 100% wrong either.

If Hell exists, He Yu’s parents should burn in it. They clearly give NO fucks about their kid at all. HY is a well-controlled mess but considering his upbringing and situation, it’s a miracle how well-behaved he is. I wonder if it’s not just his temperament or desire to control his condition but because he knows if he acted out he’d be locked up or worse so quick your head will spin.

Also, that convo between XQC and HY’s pos Dad does seem to indicate that it wasn’t the dad who wanted XQC gone back then (so what really happened?) and confirms that XQC def feels he owes the dad so WHY.

Also, most important - the reason the Dad calls is to find out about what happened in the Psychiatric Hospital. He couches it as being concerned for He Yu but we all can tell he wouldn’t notice if He Yu got set on fire as long as it didn’t interfere with Dad’s business so I am buying that 0%. My feeling that HY’s fam is involved in whatever horrible stuff is going on has now reached near-certainty and HY will be lucky if his own family doesn’t stick him in a cage once they find out about his powers.

In other news, it turns out XX likes someone else entirely (the usual good girl likes the bad boy thing) and poor HY finds out and yeah. Ouch.

Great, he’s started self-harming again, to keep himself in check. That’s a Meatbun novel, all right.

But the thing(s) that strike me about He Yu - to control and cope he turns the damage inward - harming himself so as not to lose control at others. But also, even in the middle of all of this, when XX asks him to go take care of XQC who’s gotten sick with an allergy attack aftermath, he still goes and does a good job.

And that is why he’s a Meatbun protag, all right.

Anyway, this novel is 100% awesome!

[thundertempest]

Into the Forest

Written for @promptsforthestrugglingauthor Friday Night Fights.

There were always tales, of course. Stretching as far back as the original founding of the city, probably. About the evil witch who lived out in the woods, cursing and entrapping anyone who dared to venture too deep into the forest. It had probably started as a way to make children behave.

'Don't go into the woods near sundown, or the witch will eat you!' Naturally, in those sorts of tales, there was never really a witch, but wolves and bears were just as happy to snack on clueless kids as they were deer if they were hungry enough.

But still, the sheer insistence that I could remember my grandmother in particular having, that there really was a witch in the forest had gotten me curious, and so, smartphone in hand, a little bit of food and water in my backpack, and a camera strapped to my chest, I set off on Saturday morning. If nothing else, it would be a nice escape from the hustle of the city.

At first, the walk was pleasant enough. The weather was just right, and the light filtering through the canopy overhead got me some really nice photos on my phone.

Then as any semblance of path finally disappeared from the ground, my foot caught on a tree root, and I went face first into the dirt. When I managed to pull my face out of the soil, there was a small fox staring quizzically at me.

"Hey there, little guy," I said, pushing myself back up onto my knees, "did I disturb your home?"

The fox sat back onto its hind legs, almost like it was imitating me, but never broke its stare. With as much care as I could, I pulled my backpack off my shoulder, and opened it up, pulling out one of the grain bars I'd packed, and broke a section off, holding it out in my hand towards the little red fox. It just continued its staring until I held out the larger section of the grain bar, and took a bite of it myself. Then, and only then, did the fox nip the peice out of my hand, and scurry off into the trees.

"Must have smelled the food on me or something," I mused to myself, as I stood back up, brushing the leaves and dirt off the front of my clothes, and picked my smartphone back up, only to find that it was no longer showing the map that I'd been using.

Well, that was a simple enough fix. Just needed to reopen the page and...

No connection.

"Oh, come on, I had data thirty seconds ago, don't you pull this horror movie shit on me now."

A few moments of waving my phone around in the air, and I had signal again, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled the map back up, and set off, deeper and deeper into the forest.

Several hours later, and the atmosphere had gotten noticeably colder. The canopy had gone from fairly open to completely covering the sky now, and with that came a drop in temperature, though it was still a pleasant enough atmosphere, as long as I kept moving.

The sound of running water broke my train of thought for a moment, and I remembered that I hadn't had anything to drink in a while. I dug my water bottle out of my pack, and gulped about half of it down, and decided to see if I could find the stream that I could hear.

It didn't take long before I stumbled across it, almost literally. I barely caught my footing on the bank of the stream. I knelt down, and dipped my bottle into it, it burbling as it filled up. A snap of a twig whipped my head up, and a growl sounded behind me.

As slowly as I could manage, I turned my head, and right behind me was a wolf, much bigger than any that I'd ever seen. It didn't seem to be moving to attack, so again, moving as slowly as I could, got back on my feet and began to back away. A hop and a skip took me over the stream, but still the wolf didn't make a move to attack, but continued to growl. I took one step up stream, and the wolf's growling increased.

'Must have its den in that direction,' I thought to myself, but just to confirm, I took a step down stream, and the wolf's growling decreased in volume.

Another step, then two, and the wolf was content to simply stand there and glare at me.

As fast as I dared, I headed downstream, firstly just hurried walking, but eventually breaking out into a full run, trying to leave the wolf as far behind me as I could.

 ------

It was only once I noticed that the ground underneath my feet had changed from loose, grassy soil to hard-packed earth that I stopped running. I had found a path, and a check from my phone revealed that I was quite deep in the woods. I glanced around, and began to follow the path, which lead alongside the stream that I'd been running besides. A few moments later, the path put me at the doorstep to an old, partially overgrown log cabin. A small water wheel rested in what was now a small river, slowly turning. Maybe it was some weird nature retreat or something. I still wasn't convinced that there was an evil witch feeding on the souls of wandering people out here, but I made sure that the camera on my chest was still recording, and knocked on the door.

For a moment, nothing happened, then there was a slight shuffle, and the door creaked open slightly.

"Who's there?" croaked a voice that sounded like my chain-smoking aunt's if she'd lived to be a thousand years old.

"Hi," I said, still slightly out of breath from my flight from the wolf, "I was wondering if I could stay with you for the night. I was out hiking, and then I had to run from this wolf, and I don't want to make the trek back in the dark."

The forest had only grown darker and colder as the day had progressed. I couldn't really see the sun, but my phone was getting low on battery, and the clock was telling me that it was about seven at night right now.

"Of course," croaked the woman, "I think I can spare a room for you for a night."

"I'm happy to pay you if you want, or help out or something if you need it."

"Oh, I think I can think of something for you to help me with," said the old woman, opening the door fully. The inside of the cottage looked almost exactly what I would imagine a witch's cottage would look like. Herbs and plants that I couldn't even begin to identify littered every single surface, the shelves around the room were packed full of books. The only thing missing was a big cauldron, but there was only a wood-fired stove.

The old woman shuffled through a door, and came back after a moment, beckoning me to follow her.

"You can sleep in here for the night," said the woman, "and I'll get your help with a few tasks in the morning."

"Thank you very much," I said, my mouth stretching out into a yawn. Guess running from that wolf had taken more out of me than I'd thought. I was asleep basically the second I hit the slightly scratchy matress.

 ------

The chanting was what woke me up, and I suddenly found that I couldn't move. Glowing red symbols lit up the room around me, and the old woman was at the end of the bed.

"What are you-?" I managed, before the sheets animated themselves, and stuffed one end into my mouth.

"I wondered when one of the newer generations would get curious about the legends," said the woman, her voice suddenly much stronger than it had been previously. "The forest has enough innate magic for me to sustain myself on nearly indefinitely, but not enough to stop me degrading into this decreipt husk. Fortunately, you are just the right kind of person."

I struggled against the sheets, but to no avail as the witch pulled out a knife, and made her way up to my side.

"You see, I've been watching you, judging you. You're trusting enough to share food with a fox, and not for an instant think that it was anything but a fox, and gullible enough that a simple illusion of a wolf could fool you into running straight to my cabin. You are, in short, the perfect person for this little ritual."

The sheets retracted from my mouth for a moment.

"Why are you doing this?"

"You've heard the stories, I trust? About the evil, terrible witch who lives alone in the forest, taking anyone who lingers too long in her domain? I am pleased to tell you that all of those stories are true, little one, and now you're going to help me keep them alive. Sadly for you, you'll have to die for that to happen, but I'll use your lifeforce to keep me healthy for a good century or so."

"I could keep you company!" I blurted out, "it must get lonely out here, by yourself. Must want someone to talk to every now and again, right?"

"Ah, you're bargaining, I see," said the witch, "but unfortunately for you, I'm rather stubborn. Farewell, child."

And with that, the knife thrust down, and my last sensation was a sharp pain, and something being sucked out of my body.

[wxnonsense]

The Wolf Early Eps Summary

Below the cut are detailed spoilers for episodes 1-11 of The Wolf. Proceed with caution.

I do recommend watching the first 2-3 episodes so you’ll be introduced to the main characters (and because they’re less annoying than the later parts). The time skip occurs ~18 minutes into episode 3 if you want to stop there.

Disclaimer: This is not a 100% complete and detailed summary but includes the things that stuck in my head after marathoning the first 11 eps and seemed significant enough to be worth mentioning. It may be that some things I thought were unimportant will come up again later, but this should at least give you the main points.

There is also some snarky commentary in my description. Please don’t take offense.

Notes: Wolfie = Prince Bo. I refer to him as Wolfie throughout but in the drama he’s called Prince Bo after the time skip.

We meet Ma Zhaixing, daughter of the castellan of Kuizhou, a nice guy, and younger sister of an annoying guy whose name I didn’t retain. Her mom is dead and it turns out that she was actually a princess (Ping Yuan) of the previous dynasty who her dad rescued, but he kept this a secret. (Zhaixing looks exactly like her mom, conveniently.)

We also meet wild child Wolfie who was raised by wolves on a mountain. He more or less doesn’t talk, but Zhaixing has befriended him and they hang out on the mountain and in Kuizhou. He has Magical Wolf Skills like being able to hear butterflies and smell stuff humans can’t and has a bunch of wolf sidekicks.

I’m unclear exactly how old Wolfie and Zhaixing (at this point called Xinger) are supposed to be at this point but I saw 15 somewhere. Anyway, they’re relatively young and are childish best friends with crushes on each other. Also, Zhaixing manipulates things so that people will stop hunting Wolfie’s wolf buddies on the mountain.

Then, a sworn brother of the emperor arrives in Kuizhou and says he wants to eat a wolf, so someone goes and captures the adorable CG wolf puppy. Wolfie is very angry and comes to rescue him. And…to be honest, I found this part confusing and I don’t care enough to figure out the details, but basically the sworn brother is killed and the wolf rescued, and Wolfie is blamed but he may or may not have been framed by a Ma family soldier.

The important part is that Zhaixing exposes the framing and the Ma family soldier dies, but Wolfie is still in trouble. Zhaixing wants him to run away, so she goes up on the mountain and says a bunch of mean stuff to try to get him to leave (but he doesn’t). Then people come looking for him and kill his wolf buddies. Zhaixing has a bell she uses to call Wolfie and her annoying brother steals it and claims she gave it to him, so Wolfie thinks she betrayed him. In the end, Wolfie falls off a cliff.

The emperor showed up before this to see what happened with his sworn brother, and at this point he says not to search for Wolfie. Turns out that this is because he wanted to find Wolfie himself and keep him as a foster son.

The other important point is that Zhaixing hurts her leg trying to rescue Wolfie and this prevents her from searching for him (though she still tries and makes it worse).

8 YEARS PASS

Wolfie is now Prince Bo, the third prince. (The oldest prince is dead and the youngest prince is in the kingdom of Qitan, so only princes 2 and 3 appear in this part of the story.) He’s magically learned to speak and behave like a normal human but still has wolf minions and some special wolf powers.

Zhaixing is still in Kuizhou and keeps rejecting suitors because none of them are Wolfie (and the ones we see suck anyway).

The emperor wants the Ma family army to follow him (I forgot the details). He sends Wolfie and his (non-wolf) minions Hai Die, Wen Yan and Mo Xiao to Kuizhou. The minions know the plan is to kill the entire Ma family except for Zhaixing, but Wolfie doesn’t. (The emperor says he’s too “soft-hearted.”) They successfully carry out this plan, knocking Zhaixing unconscious. Note that Wolfie does promptly find out about the Ma family being murdered but doesn’t (if I remember correctly) kill anyone himself.

Zhaixing is very traumatized and Wolfie goes to fetch some herbs to save her, and then there's a kidnapping and attempted rape, giving Wolfie a chance to save her (from a previous potential suitor who turns out to be a terrible person). She hugs him and cries and then he lies that he's definitely not Wolfie, just someone who happens to look like him

The killing of the Ma family was set up to frame the Jin Kingdom, but the Ma army leader was suspicious and he leads the army to stand outside the palace and threaten to attack unless the emperor swears he didn't arrange the killing. They don’t know Zhaixing is alive (and is convinced that Jin is responsible), so Wolfie has to rush their with her to the palace to prove that emperor's innocence.

That works and Zhaixing is invited into the palace, and the emperor announces that surprise, she's going to marry Wolfie (I mean, Prince Bo who is definitely not Wolfie). With that, the emperor will have the control of the Ma army that he wants. Zhaixing agrees to it partly because she doesn’t have much choice but also to keep the Ma army safe. The Ma army leader leaves his sister Ma Jin to be Zhaixing’s sidekick (since her previous servant sidekick was murdered and is never mentioned again).

I’m not going to go into detail but basically there's a bunch of pointless drama with Wolfie being a jerk to Zhaixing because he thinks she betrayed him back in the day. She thinks he’s a nice guy because he was kind to her while they rushed to the palace and also he saved her from the attempted rapist, but he is not nice at all.

We meet the Second Prince and his pregnant wife and his father-in-law the prime minister. He seems like a nice older brother who Wolfie gets along with well. But then it turns out there are rumors that he's not actually the emperor's son because his mom cheated with a cook in some other part of the country who is now a slave.

And then surprise, that slave comes to the capital to see his son and gets hurt defending a small child, and Zhaixing, being a nice person, brings him into the palace to get treatment, over Wolfie’s objections (because bringing strangers into the palace is bad).

He ends up making a nice dinner for the princes and their wives/fiancees that tastes just like Second Prince's mom's cooking before guards appear and arrest him, having found out who he is. And the second prince, who I guess is not so nice, and his father-in-law have the guy killed in prison before he can reveal the truth.

The emperor has Wolfie investigate and he finds out what happened, basically, and because the Zhaixing brought the slave into the palace and Wolfie let him stay in his part of the palace, Wolfie gets in trouble, and Zhaixing is punished by being forced to kneel outside for 3 days. This is very bad because of her leg injury from trying to save Wolfie back when they were kids and if she kneels too much she might be paralyzed!

(Sidebar: It’s not officially confirmed that the second prince isn’t the emperor’s son, only that his mom slept with the other guy at a time that would make that possible, and for now the secret is under wraps and his status doesn’t change. It’ll probably come up again later.)

And so Ma Jing goes and yells at Wolfie about that and (without knowing who he is) exposits in great detail the story about how Zhaixing tried to save Wolfie back in the day and was injured because of it and her brother stole her bell and so on. Wolfie realizes he was an idiot thinking she betrayed him and dramatically rescues her in the rain, even though it'll get him in big trouble.

So you would think Wolfie would be better now that he knows Zhaixing didn't betray him, but he's still kind of a jerk and also lies to her that he's definitely not Wolfie, for reasons I don't understand.

After all of that, we're introduced to the princess from Qitan, Bao Na who apparently developed a crush on Wolfie when he and Second Prince went there to deliver their brother as a hostage. (Not explicitly a hostage, but that's basically the point.) And surprise, she's coming to visit with very little warning.

They don't want to hurt her feelings even though Wolfie is extremely not into her because they need her dad to lend them troops, so Zhaixing volunteers to pretend to be a servant or something and hide that Wolfie is engaged.

The princess’ crush on Wolfie is ridiculous and it's not worth getting into, but basically she's extremely convinced that Wolfie loves her back. They go out on the town and he buys a present that she thinks is for her, but then he gives it to Zhaixing and the princess finds out and throws a temper tantrum and leaves.

Oh, and the second prince (who is now I guess fully evil) and his father-in-law manipulate the situation so that the princess will find out and get mad at Wolfie. (Zhaixing gets injured and Wolfie is worried, but I’ve forgotten the details and they’re not important.)

Also, Zhaixing wants to learn to fight and Wolfie flirts while helping her learn to use a bow. She clearly likes him but he’s only sporadically nice to her and arrogant the rest of the time (and is still lying to her about both his identity and the deaths of the Ma family).

And this is the point, 22 minutes into episode 11, that Ji Chong first appears. The only other thing you really need to know is that the old man who talks to him after he gets his bounty is the prime minister and the guy inside the cart is the second prince.

If you have any questions, I’m available here or on Twitter to at least attempt to answer them. (Twitter is better because I’m bad at Tumblr.)

[violetwolfraven]

Cherry Blossoms

(Hanahaki AU for Reilin. Warning of blood.)

Rollan could only think words that no one would approve of as he stared at his hand.

Well, not his hand so much as the blood-soaked flower petal he’d just coughed up.

Everyone sort of thought Hanahaki disease was a legend. A story to scare children out of falling for people they couldn’t have. Supposedly, if you fell in love with someone, like, deeply in love and either they didn’t love you back or you didn’t think they could, flowers would grow in your lungs. Those flowers would not disappear until either that person returned your love, or you slowly suffocated. The first case had been documented in Zhong. That was where the name came from. It was rare enough that most people didn’t really believe it existed.

Clearly, it did. Rollan had gotten a cough weeks ago. He’d just thought it was a cold that wouldn’t go away, until he’d been standing on the side of the ship, just thinking, and gotten into a coughing fit that ended in him coughing up a blood-soaked flower petal.

Rollan didn’t know what kind it was. He didn’t really care. All he knew was that he needed to make sure his teammates didn’t find out about it. They’d just worry, and Rollan really didn’t need to deal with that.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know who he loved, anyway. And she’d never love him back.

Without a word, Rollan turned his hand and let the flower petal soaked in his blood fall into the water.

...

Rollan was acting strange. Meilin knew that much; it was obvious. He was acting strange enough that even Conor was taking notice, and wolf-boy usually liked to stay out of other people’s business.

Meilin had noticed weeks ago, when the Amayan boy’s voice started getting hoarse with a cough wouldn’t go away. He’d insisted it was nothing, even when it very clearly was not nothing.

Then he’d started acting even stranger. A few days ago, he’d started behaving even more recklessly than usual, not seeming to have any care for his own safety. He’d started taking more time to himself, standing alone by the back of the ship more often than any normal person would. He’d started teasing Conor less, actually acting like an ordinary friend would.

And... lately, it kind of seemed like he was avoiding her. Which stung more than it should.

That didn’t mean that she appreciated Tarik noticing that she was hurting and confronting her about it.

“I’m fine,” Meilin insisted, “It’s nothing.”

Tarik huffed in frustration, “Meilin, it’s not nothing! I’ve already got Rollan acting strange, and I don’t need you denying something’s wrong with you, too!”

“Maybe that’s just the problem!” Meilin shouted.

It was simultaneously comforting and annoying how Tarik acted as the ‘team dad,’ but right now, it was more annoying than anything else. It was a reminder that Meilin’s father was gone. It was just painful.

Still, ranting felt good.

“Rollan is the problem!” She shouted, “Because there is clearly something wrong with him, and he won’t tell anyone what it is! And what’s worse, no one seems interested in confronting him about it but me, and last time I tried, he dodged like there was no tomorrow until I had to back off. Something’s hurting him. And he won’t even admit it!”

Tarik seemed surprised, as if he had expected her to say something else. Meilin wasn’t sure why. Everyone knew how good of friends her and Rollan were, even if they argued a lot.

Tarik sighed, “Do you want me to talk to him, or do you want me to make him talk to you?”

Meilin was caught off guard by the question, “I... I don’t know what... I think... You should talk to him.”

Tarik nodded, “Alright. I have a hunch of what might be wrong with him. I need to confirm it before I worry you with my suspicions.”

Meilin had no idea what he meant by that, to be honest.

She just hoped her friend would be okay.

...

Rollan held in his coughing as Tarik approached his spot by the back of the ship. He couldn’t let his mentor know what was wrong with him.

The tall Greencloak was silent for an instant before speaking in a sad, almost broken voice.

“I had a cousin once, named Aban He was only a little older than you when a rare disease claimed his life.”

Oh, no. Rollan prayed this wasn’t going where he thought it was.

“He knew he had the disease long before anyone else did. He didn’t want anyone to know because he didn’t want the people he loved to worry, so he isolated himself. He pulled away from his family and friends, being nicer to them than he normally would on the rare occasions when he actually let himself be around them.”

This conversation was going where he thought it was.

“Aban didn’t even know what caused his disease. Or rather, who caused it.”

Tarik turned to Rollan, sadness clouding his eyes.

“I get the feeling you do know who caused yours.”

Rollan couldn’t respond. All he could do was cough up a full flower into his hand, the white petals in full bloom, spotted with blood.

Tarik took it from him, studying it with a sad curiousity, “A white cherry blossom. Known mostly for being in gardens in Zhong.”

Rollan didn’t say anything. He’d only heard of those gardens in stories, but he already knew.

“It’s Meilin, isn’t it? You love her.”

Rollan sighed, “Is it that obvious?”

Tarik shrugged, “To me, Abeke, and Conor? Yes. To Meilin? Not so much.”

“Well, let’s hope it stays that way,” Rollan muttered.

“What?”

Rollan had assumed that it was obvious.

“She doesn’t need to feel guilty because I’m dying.”

Tarik made a frustrated noise, “What makes you so sure she doesn’t love you?”

Rollan laughed harshly, “Why would she? I’m a street kid from Amaya and she’s a rich, beautiful, warrior daughter of a Zhongese general. Why the hell would she ever love me?”

Tarik shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe the fact that Meilin is more worried about you than anyone.”

“She’s worried about me?”

“She’s the one who told me to come talk to you.”

Rollan took a second to process that. There was no way. There was just no way a girl like that would love a boy like him. Meilin was worried about him as his friend. That was it. He hadn’t exactly missed Abeke and Conor’s concerned glances lately. It was like that. He hadn’t seen Meilin’s concern because he’d been avoiding her on purpose the last few weeks. Because every time he saw her, he felt the urge to cough.

“You’ll never know for sure unless you tell her,” Tarik pointed out.

“I can’t,” Rollan said harshly, coughing suddenly. The coughing fit made him drop to his knees on the deck, flower petals coming up so fast he couldn’t breathe. He’d never coughed up that much before.

Rollan was dimly aware of Tarik’s voice shouting his name over and over again, a hand hitting his back to force the petals up faster, and more panicked voices joining the fray, asking what was wrong.

The last thing Rollan saw before passing out was Meilin’s face as she ran towards him.

...

He was so still.

Meilin hadn’t seen Rollan as still as he was now since he had the Sunset Sickness.

His breathing was still labored, from the flowers growing in his lungs. Meilin kept expecting that breathing to stop. He was getting worse. He was so bad that even Jhi looked worried.

Meilin had wanted him to wake up, but the pain in his eyes as he did made her wish he hadn’t.

“You have Hanahaki disease,” she said pointedly. She sensed that Rollan would probably want her to keep things seeming normal.

“Yeah,” he agreed, his voice hoarse.

He coughed pitifully, and a single flower petal came up, which he wiped away before she could get a good look at it.

“What kind of flower is it?”

Rollan shot her a look, “Does it matter? It’s killing me no matter what.”

“It matters because I’m trying to figure out who it is,” Meilin shot back, “So we can make them love you and save your life, you idiot.”

She didn’t say how much it stung that that person wasn’t her. If Rollan loved her, he wouldn’t be coughing up flowers in the first place because...

Because Meilin loved him. She hadn’t always known that, but she knew it now. She loved him enough that she didn’t even care he didn’t feel the same way. She just wanted him to be okay.

“I already know who it is,” Rollan mumbled.

“What?”

“I said I—“

“I heard you!” Meilin snapped, “So who is it?”

Rollan laughed harshly, “It doesn’t matter. She’ll never love me back.”

“How do you know?” Meilin pressed, “How are you so sure that—“

“Because I’m a nobody who grew up in the streets of Concorba!” Rollan snapped, “And you’re a strong, beautiful warrior who’s basically royalty!”

Meilin froze.

“I know,” Rollan said, “You’re my friend, Meilin. I know you care about me, but not that way, and that’s okay. I’d be an idiot if I thought a girl like you could possibly love a—“

He was cut off by Meilin’s lips.

She pulled back after barely a second, red in the face, but the look on Rollan’s face made the embarrassment worth it.

He was looking at her the way every girl wanted to be looked at. Like she meant everything to him.

Meilin wanted to kiss him again, but she restrained herself for a second.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, “Never doubt that.”

Rollan’s next breath before he leaned in for another kiss came easier than before.

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#148: The Defender (9x07-9x12)

So before 9x14, there were more little notable tidbits here and there. Michonne had to defend her stance a lot and go through it. And even though she didn’t seem to have a whole lot of people behind her, I was on her side completely. I could see her perspective loud and clear so you know...

As for 9x07, I like that Siddiq seems to be one of Michonne’s closest confidants because he’s a really good person and because Carl’s the one who brought him to her. Grimes looking out for each other even after they depart. 

Michonne has a moment in 9x07 where she tells Yumiko, “I know what it’s like. To worry about your family. To carry the burden of protecting them. To feel guilt when they suffer.” Everything Michonne is doing and has done is for her family, and not just her immediate family but for the larger community family they’ve built. She wants to do what’s best for all of them. 

Yumiko says they’ll all be fine. And Michonne says, “Because you have to be. I would know.” And she reassures them they’ll find a home. That’s also something Michonne would know since she went from being a lone wolf type to truly finding her home and the family she was meant for.  

We also learn that Maggie left without even saying anything to Michonne which is tough and strange. For some reason the two had a falling out that doesn’t ever quite get explicitly addressed . 

Michonne tells Siddiq she kept her promise to Judith by getting that new group to Hilltop and so now she’s going to go home. And it’s sweet how all of this really was because she heard Judith out and wanted to honor her daughter’s wish. 

Siddiq asks what about her promise to Carl and she says it’s not that simple. And it’s true, after everything she’s been through sometimes the rules change. Just like if Carl or Rick would’ve gone through that Jocelyn stuff they would’ve adjusted too.

Y’all, I don’t even want to address the uncalled for hostility Michonne’s met with when she pulls up to Hilltops gates in 9x08. 🙄 But I will say that Tara needed to turn that attitude all the way down cuz she had me watching like... 

Michonne and Carol have a little exchange and get to talk about the kids which is nice. I’m glad someone acknowledged Michonne as a mother and not just the Head of Security like we’d been seeing. And it makes sense that Carol would be the one to do that. 

I’ve alway wanted Carol and Michonne to have more scenes together since they’re both strong women who have gone through a lot of the same things. So I appreciate that in this moment they at least acknowledge the similarities in their journeys when Carol says, “You and me, we both lost children and we kept going.” 

It’s deep cuz losing a child is the toughest thing to go through and they two of them have seen it happen many times and been personally affected from it. And yet years later these two are still standing cuz they have an immense strength within them. 

(Side note: So the wigs…can we talk about it for a sec? 😬  For Michonne’s wig, I get the idea and I like the idea. But all I gotta say is they are lucky Danai can pull off anything cuz the execution of this wig was not always on point to say the least. Like the taping of the edges to start. 🤦🏽‍♀️ They are in Atlanta! Black hair capital. To have a wig like that...they could have done better. I’m just saying. But again, Danai makes it work cuz she just got it like that.👌 And for Carol’s wig, again the idea and the significance of the longer hair isn’t bad, but still that execution was not the move.🏽)

Later in this episode, Michonne says how she knows she didn’t make easy choices but, “at least they’re alive so they can hate me for it.” I’m still unclear as to what would make the others behave this way towards Michonne. 

Even if she did cut places off, no one ever stopped and said hey I know Michonne used to have the most sound head on her shoulders of us all so maybe if she’s making a drastic decision there’s a valid reason for it. 

People seem to know what Michonne went through, or at least the gist, but still gave no understanding. Michonne’s mantra now is that there’s a whole lot of broken world between the communities so they’ve gotta focus on taking care of their own. And yes would it be nice if they could all just be united? Definitely. That’s what she’d really want. But also right now Michonne’s at a point where she has to do what she has to do for her family, the same way Rick did. 

Rick straight up kicked Carol out of their community in season four to protect his own, so drastic measures have been taken before for the sake of protecting your family.

Michonne really does feel like she’s looking out for the best interests of everyone if they stop traveling so much cuz it would keep everybody a bit safer. Not just Alexandria, everybody. When she tells Siddiq at least their alive to hate me it’s because she genuinely sees her decisions as having kept everybody alive. She didn’t cut things off to punish, dismiss, or divide. It was to protect and save.

So next, it’s interesting cuz my favorite part of 9x09 was in the “previously on” part lol. 

Michonne’s voiceover does a briefing on the past and mentions everything that went down. And she says “We lost friends we loved…my true love.” And y’all, that alone took me out. 😭🙌🏽

I really loved hearing Michonne refer to Rick as her true love, even if it wasn’t within the show. Rick is her true love. It’s just the gospel truth. 💯

And then she says, “But even now, six years later, his hopes for the future live on.” And it’s so sweet cuz she says that over clips of Judith and RJ. They’re Richonne’s legacy. 😊👌🏽

So listen, during 9x09 Negan got out of his cell and if the goal is to redeem him, then having him immediately go into Michonne’s home at night and walk right into Judith’s room ain’t a great start. That’s so creepy and violating. 😖

But I do adore the precious  drawing Judith has above her bed. It’s Rick, Michonne, Carl, RJ, and Judith. The royal family. And it says the truest statement ever on the top, “My family is always with me.” Amen, Judith. 😊🙌🏽

As Negan’s about to hop the gate, Judith stops him with a gun cuz she’s about that life. (Although whoever was supposed to be watching her, while Michonne was away, was def slacking.) 

Then Negan and Judith have this whole little exchange and Judith is quite fearless. 

Negan tells Judith, “You know when your mom and dad - when they locked me up, they told me that I was gonna be good for something.” And I just appreciate hearing Rick and Michonne be referred to as “mom and dad”. 

And I like that he acknowledges the wonderland that Alexandria’s become. Despite Judith’s knack for making her own decisions she does at least know who’s boss when she tells him, “Rules are rules. My mom decides not me.” Which is nice to hear, even if she does let him go afterwards.

Michonne and Daryl also have their first convo post time jump and it’s nice to see them together.

(Side note: I knew they wouldn’t address it or show it but I was very curious as to how the conversation would go when Daryl explains to Michonne why Rick was even in that bridge situation in the first place. Cuz if it was up to Rick…he would’ve been at home with her that day. But Daryl, Maggie, and a fake friend horse unfortunately had other plans.😒)

Michonne tells Daryl that Judith found the new people and vouched for them so she does too and Daryl’s with it. In regards to Paul dying and them bringing him back to Hilltop for closure, Michonne then says, “It’s gonna mean a lot to them. Bringing him back. Burying him.”  You know this speaks to her because she didn’t get that closure with getting to bury Rick.😔

Daryl knows too and sincerely says, “Sorry I couldn’t do that for you.” I appreciate him saying for her specifically, cuz of course he wanted to find Rick for him and everyone else too but he knows that it would have especially meant a lot to Michonne, cuz in losing Rick she lost her soul mate. 

And Michonne looks at him and says, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for both of us.” Cuz it’s true these two are the closest people to Rick. It’s his wife and brother and so it is sweet to see them have this moment of understanding more than anyone, what not finding Rick has felt like. 

It’s nice that now Rick has a wife and best friend who still feel the weight of his loss six years later and keep his memory alive. 

Michonne also thanks Daryl for trying to find Rick and “for after” cuz those two went through it big time in between this time jump. 

When they’re confronted by Whisperers at the bridge, I love the shot of Michonne walking with two walkers behind her like her OG days in season three. 

But what’s cooler is that, while the image is reflective of the past, this isn’t the same s3 Michonne. This Michonne has a whole family now and doesn’t just get her strength from the dead, she lives for the living. And slays for the living too.👌🏽

I’m glad Aaron is a real one for at least starting to understand where Michonne is coming from with why she feels these communities need to stay in their own lanes. There’s some sadistic people out there, with Alpha being top of the list, and they know that now.

I’m also here for Judith being a woman of her word. She said she’d shoot next time she sees Negan and that’s what she does. On site.👏🏽

Next time we see Michonne is in 9x12 and she’s confronting these deceptive Alexandrians about the radio stuff. She has to give them a dose of reality when she lets them know this sneaky stuff not only could get people killed, it already is getting people killed. 

She tells them that putting themselves out there when they don’t have to is dangerous but Father G feels like cutting themselves off from their friends is dangerous too. 

Aaron steps up and defends Michonne’s point of view because there are literally masked enemies out there now that confirm exactly what Michonne has been saying. 

And Aaron speaks nothing but facts when he says, “We put Michonne in charge of security for a reason. Her judgement has saved us time and time again.” Thank you Aaron for that dose of solid truth. Louder for the people in the back. Michonne’s judgement stay saving lives. 👌

🏽Siddiq brings up the fair and that Michonne turned it down which upsets the people. But, after seeing how the fair went down, I’ll be honest, the petty in me was like…do 👏🏽y’all 👏 🏽see now 👏🏽that 👏🏽Michonne’s 👏🏽insctinct👏🏽 is 👏🏽always👏🏽 right!? 

They’re lucky she’s not the “told you so” type because she knew the fair could be dangerous and leave them all vulnerable and well, exactly that happened. Yes Michonne is leading with an iron fist and I’m not saying she’s perfect, but they gotta at least understand that sis has a point. A lot of valid points, if you ask me. 

It’s good Michonne is so levelheaded and mature too because a lesser person might’ve been like; you Alexandrians better listen to me...

In Michonne’s first exchange with Negan since the time jump, she shows up to his cell and wants answers as to how he got out and why he came back and what he was planning. 

Negan really is still trying to talk all big like he’s in control and tells her how he was in her house and could’ve killed her and a lot of people but Michonne calls him right out and knows he came back cuz he knew there was nothing out there for him. It’s a read. 💯 This whole scene is a read from Michonne and I’m here for it. 😌

Negan again gets too personal when he tells her, “You’re keeping me in here to remind everyone how merciful the great Rick Grimes was.” Keep that name out your mouth, Negan. 😤 

And then Negan really tries to offer to be some kind of sounding board for her which is low key insane lol. 

I was a little shook that he’d even think Michonne would even consider an offer like that. Sounding board!? Ain’t nothing sound about that man. Being in that cell so long clearly has him not thinking straight. 

When he refers to Michonne as the leader, she says she’s not but both Negan and I were like come on girl, you’s the leader. 😂

He mentions he knows she wrote up some constitution, and it was cuter when Rick referred to it as that. Just saying. And then Michonne sees Judith by the window and is surprised and I was like yes girl, your daughter is buddy-buddy with Negan and we need to nip that in the bud asap.

Michonne then confronts Judith at home. But first she watches as Rick and Michonne’s peaceful prince, RJ, sleeps. Precious. ☺️

Literally everytime they show RJ I just feel like we’ve won the best award. Whenever he’s on screen I’m just like...

Michonne asks why Judith was spying on her and Judith says she wasn’t, she went there to see Negan. Michonne is surprised to learn she’s been talking to him and so she asks why. Judith says she feels sorry for him and Michonne is adamant when she says, “He is not your friend, sweetheart.” It’s the truth.

And then Judith has the tween response of, “Well obviously.” Michonne asks, “So if he’s not your friend then why are you talking to him?” and Judith says, “He listens to me. Not everybody does.”

It’s interesting cuz so much of what a parent does can go unnoticed. Michonne listened to Judith with Connie and Co and personally escorted them to Hilltop to keep her promise to Judith. But sometimes when you’re a kid you don’t see that.

This moment between Michonne and Judith reminds me a bit of Rick and Carl’s exchanges in the past. And in both situations, even when they don’t see eye-to-eye, the love and care they have for each other is always so evident. It’s why they so fiercely protect each other. 

Michonne tells her, “I don’t want you to ever go near him again.” And Judith asks why not so Michonne explains, “There’s a reason that he’s in a cage, Judith. He is a monster.” And I was like...

And then Judith gets passionate when she says, “No he’s not. He’s a human being.” Girl, if you were in that lineup you’d feel different. 😬 Pretty sure that’s a direct quote from Michonne’s mind. 😂 

Michonne clarifies saying, “But he has done monstrous things.  He’s killed people. People I cared about. People your dad cared about. And if we ever let him out it would start all over again.”

Judith counters with, “But mom, he did get out. He’s not like that anymore.” And Michonne says, “I get why you want to believe that. But people don’t really change.” 

And then Judith responds with the deep statement, “You did.” This really resonates with Michonne. And I think this moment resonates with her for a lot of reasons. 

Michonne has changed and evolved a lot over the seasons. Especially from a lone wolf to a valued family member. She also changed leadership styles after going through trauma. So she knows Judith has a point that she changed. And I think it hits her that Judith has noticed these changes within her. 

You can tell it stirs up a lot in her so she pauses and tells Judith to go to her room. And Judith again has the tween response of, “Why?” and Michonne is just honest and says, “Cuz I need a minute.” It’s the healthiest approach to be honest like that and take some time to process all this. 

Again, it’s tough cuz Michonne is expected to balance so much. She’s expected to be hands on as both the Head of Security/Leader and as a mother of two. It makes it difficult to have moments to breathe. So as weighted as she clearly feels in this moment, I’m glad she at least takes a moment to herself to process. 

Michonne has a good heart and a balanced character, so she’s open to hearing people out. And we see that when she has a sweet moment with Aaron where she thanks him and Aaron again reiterates his understanding of where she’s coming from. 

Because she’s willing to be a team player, she tells Aaron that she won’t veto the councils desire to go to the fair. She admits she thinks it’s a terrible idea (and she’s right) but she also cares to value their rights, plus it’s for the Kingdom, which she cares for. 

Aaron says he hopes they don’t regret this and Michonne agrees and unfortunately they all will. 

But at least this moment shows that Michonne is willing to do what the best leaders do which is take a step back every now and then and let people lead themselves. 

As people pack up for the fair they stay on this shot of Michonne alone and sitting very contemplatively. And it’s tough seeing how much she has to endure alone when normally Rick would be right by her side. 

It’s also tough cuz Michonne’s gut feelings are so right so often, so it can’t be easy to know that her people are willingly putting themselves at risk for something she knows will be a mess. But they lived and they learned…well most of them. 🙃

And that’s everything that goes down with Michonne and her family in the events leading up to the meaty Michonne episode we get in 9x14. It’s a tough one but also really significant so you know I’ll break it down. 👌🏽😭

gifs source: @michonnegrimes

[rosalind-of-arden]

Ink and Bone Reread Chapters 14-End

Here we are, wrapping up Ink and Bone. Still looking at Morgan, Wolfe, Santi, worldbuilding, and whatever else.

It is not specified just how long it takes to get back to Alexandria: two days of the trip are actually accounted for, but no total time is given. Google maps says it’s about 61 hours, including driving and a ferry ride. Assuming something like 8 hours of driving per day, that’s around a week of travel. And that would be assuming High Garda transports go as fast as whatever speed Google maps estimates for driving, which they probably don’t? We could push this to two weeks easily. So we can push the end of this book into winter even if it was still fall in France. Let’s say late November in France, mid-December when they get to Alexandria.

Wolfe isn’t with the students when they get to Alexandria. He’s not with Morgan either. Presumably hanging out with Santi? He’s been providing extremely minimal supervision of his class on this road trip, as far as I can tell.

The Obscurist Magnus: “a tall, bronze-skinned woman with backswept dark hair that fell nearly to her waist, liberally streaked with silver.” Later, Jess observes that Wolfe and his mother look alike. Now, looking over at the story about her and Eskander on Wattpad, Eskander is also described as tall with “thick, dark hair”, no skin color given. For those wondering about where Wolfe got his coloring from (can’t find the post now), it looks like he resembles both parents, maybe a bit darker because he gets to spend time outdoors. Also, if both of Wolfe’s parents are tall, is he? Santi’s taller, but by how much? Is everyone just tall to Jess because Jess is short?

So, I get that the Obscurist is probably a bit irritated with Wolfe for trying to help Morgan run away, which presumably had unpleasant political consequences that she had to deal with, but... seriously? “You, of all people, should know how deep our duty goes”? Yes, please, remind your son about the most traumatic experience of his life in front of his students, his boss (who had him tortured), and lots of soldiers wearing the same uniforms the prison guards probably wore. Give her a fucking World’s Best Mom mug already, my gods. Also, is this an attempt to excuse herself for not helping him when he was in prison? I think it is. Right, great parenting there. Excellent.

“To the bone.” Yes, nice metaphor there. Oh, wait, it’s quite possibly literal. And then, having made his mother feel sufficiently guilty, he follows up with a request to let his students say goodbye to Morgan. This is, presumably, why he’s even there. He avoids his mother like the plague, but he’s going to make sure his kids students get the chance to say goodbye to each other. One last, tiny thing he can do, for Morgan and Jess especially.

We see how much Wolfe has bonded with Jess by this point, but in this moment, he puts Morgan’s needs ahead of Jess’s and pulls Jess back from the kiss. Seems rather angry that Jess did it at all. How much bonding between those two has Jess just not seen? Additionally, Wolfe knows a lot about maintaining composure under difficult circumstances, so he’s going to have a lot of sympathy for Morgan here.

Obscurist: “Artifex. I expect you’ll attend to... this.” In reference to Wolfe and the class. Oddly mirrors what she said back in that note in the ephemera with Wolfe’s book on printing. Handing her son right to the Artifex. We could give her the benefit of the doubt before, maybe she was deluded and thought the Artifex wouldn’t hurt Wolfe too badly. No such excuse here. No effort to protect Wolfe from any consequences he might face for his attempts to keep Morgan out of the tower. Again, award-winning parenting right here.

Santi, on the other hand, is there for Wolfe as soon as he’s allowed to dismiss his troops. Maybe sooner (Jess doesn’t notice him until after the Obscurist leaves, but Jess is oblivious, after all).

Artifex: “Wolfe. You lost the Archivist’s train. He’s very... peeved.” Wolfe: “He has another.” Wait? There are two of these things? And Wolfe knows about them.

The snark between Wolfe and the Artifex, omg.

And Santi, once again making his opinion of the Artifex very clear. He literally has Wolfe’s back here.

Notice the difference here in what Wolfe says about giving the students their scrolls compared to what he said before. Before it was basically “if I’m not there to give them to you, someone will.” Here it’s “I’ll expect you all at dawn in the Reading Room.” Either something has convinced him that he’s not going to be arrested/killed, or he’s decided that he wants his students to be suspicious if he doesn’t show up.

“I intend to drink myself into some very bad judgment” “I wouldn’t want you to do that alone.” First, if any of the students didn’t get the memo that Wolfe and Santi are a couple yet, they definitely know now. Second, this right here confirms any and all kinky headcanons we may have. Also, Wolfe is planning to drink heavily before turning in his reports to the Artifex, which the Artifex wants “tonight”. Right, probably that’s just a matter of sending a Codex message, but it’s also possible Wolfe plans to go see the Artifex drunk.

Also, it’s Santi’s idea to take the students out drinking. Bit of support for the whole Santi/Dario thing there, perhaps?

Is this Santi outright encouraging Wolfe’s drinking right after he had to face his mother and the Artifex? Yes, it is.

“men and women who seemed to enjoy the pain” It’s just about tattoos. Sure. And Dario’s response to seeing this is “We should do that.” You adorable little masochist.

Obscurist: I’m sorry I was a stone cold bitch distant with you earlier. I really tried to protect you, honest, and it hurts my feelings that you’re so upset about the whole torture thing. I won’t abandon you, I’ll just abandon you and make excuses for it. Please behave and stop messing up my political scheming that you know nothing about.

Really, though, leading off with her feelings? Telling him things he already knows? She’s pretty much trying to provoke Wolfe with this note.

Santi wasn’t dressed before Jess knocked. Wolfe probably wasn’t either. Jess is cockblocking again.

Really, though, it’s very sweet of Santi to be the one to throw on a robe (is it the robe? We don’t get a color) and get the door while Wolfe gets dressed properly. Lot of possible reasons for this: protection, stemming from both their fears of Wolfe being taken again, sensitivity toward Wolfe’s preference to hide his scars, sensitivity toward clothing issues Wolfe may have, indulgence of an exhibitionist kink, giving Wolfe time to get out of any bondage gear he’s wearing?

So here’s Santi throwing his trauma out in the open: “they persuaded me to stop”, the robe open enough for Jess to see his scars, the emotional tone of his descriptions of what happened to Wolfe. It could be that he’s processed this all well enough not to care what Jess sees. I think, though, that this is strategic: he’s letting Jess see how badly he was hurt, and also emphasizing how badly Wolfe was hurt. Trying to scare Jess off. Note that at this point he’s telling Jess all this because he thinks Jess is there about Morgan, he doesn’t even know how closely Jess’s problem is related to Wolfe’s past. This is completely “he’s been hurt too much already, and he’s already in too much trouble with the Library, he can’t take any more.”

That little smile about Wolfe’s “little rebellions.” “Some people you don’t walk away from.” He loves Wolfe so damn much. *swoons*

“It’s too hard for him. He was born in the Iron Tower. He understands what it means to be locked up in that place.” It’s very interesting how much Santi’s argument relies so heavily on emotion. Does he understand how much Jess cares about Wolfe? Or is he so wrapped up in his own feelings that he’s not even thinking that another person might not care about hurting Wolfe?

Santi is already emotional here, but he really gets upset when Jess says it’s about Thomas. He connects the dots quickly. And he is devastated to see that Wolfe is getting involved. Because why else would Wolfe come out of the bedroom?

Jess: Was Wolfe not asleep? Did he sleep in his clothes? These look too good for that? Idiot, he wasn’t in that bedroom to sleep.

Wolfe vs. Santi, staring contest. Wolfe wins. Current count is, what, 3-0 in Wolfe’s favor on these little standoffs?

Santi makes Wolfe drinks when he’s mad at him. This is just adorable. Also, Wolfe completely blowing off Santi’s argument by telling him how he wants his coffee, not that Santi doesn’t already know. This is so their usual fighting routine.

“Chris, for the love of Amon, don’t do this.” This is just such a cute little habit for them. Santi refers to Egyptian gods when talking to Wolfe. Wolfe refers to Christian God when talking to Santi.

They both instantly react when Jess mentions the press. Wolfe has himself so tightly controlled that he puts the coffee down “precisely. Carefully.” Tell me that isn’t a practiced response, something he does when he knows his hands will start shaking. Santi just freezes. That’s a trauma response too. Wolfe also gets very quiet. Santi doesn’t even say anything until Wolfe heads for the door.

Wolfe vs. Santi, wrestling match. Very good illustration of how traumatized they both are and how desperate the situation is. Unlike the coffee thing, this does not seem to be their usual fighting routine. Santi anticipates Wolfe’s moves, but he’s a trained fighter, so of course he does. Wolfe, on the other hand, makes the rather stupid decision to charge right at the trained fighter - he’s not thinking at all. Santi could have kept Wolfe pinned, but he lets him up, so let’s call this another victory for Wolfe. 4-0.

Nic’s journal is filled with anti-Library rants, plans to get Wolfe into hiding that now have to be thrown out and replaced because the Library has seen them, and porn.

Santi to Wolfe: “don’t argue about how you can’t protect me.” This sounds like an argument they’ve had before. How would Wolfe protect Santi? By claiming it was all his fault not Santi’s? Like Santi would let him do that?

Notice how confident Santi is about being able to get Thomas out of Alexandria. He so has plans to get Wolfe out of Alexandria, which he will use for Thomas.

Wolfe knows there are people in the house and expects to be ambushed. Jess doesn’t. Did he and Santi hear something while they were on the stairs? Is he somehow familiar with the tactics being used? Santi’s company does raids like this on smugglers/Burners?

Santi’s hands are up before he’s ordered to do anything more than stop. He knows how these things go.

Santi: “It was worth every moment of what comes next.” I so need to finish the fic I started based on this line, in which the Artifex has Santi tortured as a warning to Wolfe. Because, well, Santi must have been threatened, and must be expecting something unpleasant will happen to him, specifically, to say something like this. He would not say it’s worth it if he thought they were going to hurt Wolfe.

Wolfe is also expecting something bad will happen to Santi: “I’m sorry, Nic.” and then the crying.

And they’re both very confident Jess isn’t going to be killed. Could be putting on a front to comfort him, but considering those other lines, I really think we have a specific threat to Santi from the Artifex.

The italics here “he is very capable.” Everyone likes Santi, even the Artifex. Does the Artifex want to get into Santi’s pants too?

Artifex knows about Liam. Now, at this point, if there was no collusion between the Library and the Brightwells, if he knew this, why would Jess and his family not all be in jail or dead? Conspiracy starting earlier than we might have thought?

Here’s Wolfe and Santi split up. Good way to keep Wolfe under control. Kind of surprised the Artifex doesn’t do this more often.

Wolfe is very, very careful with his words here. He says he’s been told Thomas is dead, not that Thomas actually is dead. He already suspects the Artifex is lying.

Oh, Jess. One second you want Wolfe to send you away from him, the next you’re mad at him for actually doing that with the High Garda appointment. How does it not occur to you that Wolfe would anticipate the Artifex using you?

[we-were-legends]

“Champion’s dawn”

Chapter 25 - “Iron clouds”

Previous chapter | Next chapter

It was not long when Alagos managed to gather all his soldiers. They arrived in one group and Oropher heard their voices and clear footsteps on the wooden floor. He didn't expect the meeting to be long so they could be taken away from their duties for the time. Oropher patiently awaited when they will appear in the office, however it was not Taranir who walked in as first but Halloth.

The young soldier clearly lightened up seeing him and in fast steps Halloth was near him and embraced him squeezing non too gently. Halloth had such outgoing personality that sometimes it was hard reminder that Halloth was an adult since quite a long time now.

'Halloth, behave.' Oropher said and the elf let him go looking up at him a bit though Halloth was almost the same height as him, so it was not visible.

'We were starting to miss you.' Halloth said and then his eyes brightened even more. 'You won't guess what happened!' he looked back at the soldiers who were coming in and made themselves comfortable in his office, but Halloth's eyes lingered on two elves mostly. 'Tinnu, Faron tell him!'

Oropher's eyes travelled to Faron and TInnu, but seeing briefly his other soldiers he immediately noticed that they brightened up a bit in delicate smiles. And Tinnu approached him, but there was hesitant smile on his face and just by looking at him it was all too easy to say that he was not comfortable with being in the centre of attention or that Halloth even mentioned his name.

Tinnu handled him a bow and Oropher took it in hand. The weapon had weird stracture – it was quite short, but the ends arched very visibly and also the riser and arrow rest were put very forward. Oropher tracked the weapon cautiously in a bit of wonder. It was a bow he had never seen before.

'You should see how he shoots from this bow!' Halloth said not even letting Tinnu saying it by himself, but Oropher suspected that poor Tinnu would have never been able to display himself like this and he would rather prefer to retreat and stand beside Amrun in wall's shadow where no one would search for him with his sight. Oropher knew there must be something done about this, at the same time being aware that the way he was treating Halloth and Amrun won't be of any use for Tinnu. The way he treated Saida all those centuries ago won't work as well - Tinnu will close himself even more. Besides, Oropher knew the problem was not the lack of his skills, but lack of confidence - Tinnu was shy, but not timid and he handled everything well as soon as there were not many elves around to watch him.

'We are still making it better.' Faron said as he approached him and glanced at the bow. 'And it was not easy to fuse so many different types of bows together. But the results are already great.'

Oropher nodded with content. He knew that by this Faron meant the perfection of the bow, but also Tinnu's skills in archery which was the main problem of his soldier. But by seeing known sparks in Faron's eyes Oropher could tell that Tinnu made huge progress in archery and maybe it will help him build up his confidence. Oropher will have to think about the way to make Tinnu open up. He won't ever be like Halloth or even Saida, but maybe something closer to Amrun. He needed to develop ability of giving order which required resilent composture and confidence.

'Well, I couldn't be more proud.' Oropher smiled to Tinnu and gave him back the weapon. 'I can't wait to see what you can do with this bow.'

'It was Lord Galadhon who made a prototype with Faron!'

Oropher first looked at Halloth who was clearly in perfect mood and then he looked at at Faron who nodded to those words.

'My uncle?'

'He personally tested all the bows we made.' Faron said. 'It was an honour to witness his skills in both archery and weapon study.'

Oropher smiled for a moment lost in his own memories. He spent a lot of time with his uncle and they spoke about all kinds of swords, bows and other weapons – how they were forged from first made sketches and how even a small detail may change a blade as a whole. Oropher was glad for those teaching and hated them at the same time, but now we couldn't imagine doing what he did without this knowledge.

'Yes, he has a keen eye.' Oropher said with still a bit of a smile on his face. He looked at Taranir who nodded confirming every word that was said before and Oropher was more than content. It seemed he didn't have to worry anymore about Tinnu and his archery, but surely he will check his progress with own eyes in near future.

'Alright.' Oropher said, sighting a bit and he looked on his soldiers who made themselves comfortable around the room. 'I'm listening.'

Though he said that freely, his soldiers were silent and waited for Taranir to take charge. It was truly amazing how easily they all accepted Taranir's lead and truly, Oropher never feared that should anything ever happen to him, Taranir will lead their soldiers well. Soon, his friend started to speak concisely what there was to know, sometimes he called someone other to speak about the matter that concerned his regiment. Thanks to this, the report was well arranged and there was no way that Oropher will miss important detail.

Their new regiment of cavalry was formed and Taranir already announced that they will be mustered for Oropher to take a closer look. The soldiers were well trained and no one seemed to stand off with his skills and even some of them were very promising. Orthon quickly got them into cycle of trainings, sometimes mixing division of the new and old regiment, Taranir set everything straight with other generals and there were great plans for manouvers of all the regiments of heavy cavalry.

'This plan is still in the making, though.' Taranir said. 'First of all, we must find a space for such movement.'

Such happening would be indeed very time consuming, but Oropher believed in was worth a shot. For sure Orthon worked with the officers of the Wolf and the Cougar who lead their own cavalry and they were slowly making progress.

Finally, their bows arrived from the forges and they no longer had to worry abouth them. Such delay was also caused by the need to make an armor and weapons for the cavalry, but as now everything was done and in place there was no need to keep themselves occupied with this matter.

The next matter got Oropher a bit on edge. Their whole regiment of the marchwardens was on the move. All divisions were out in the forest, but since the winter passed away, driven by the orb, the matter was entirely different than checking the settlements.

'Haerdin and Egnaspen also disposed their archers.' Faron said. 'The darkness stirred in our forests and large groups of warg riders were spotted riding through the woods to the other side of our territory. We don't know the reason for such movements, but they are becoming bold and it's hard to detect them. The enemy seems determined to drive his forces through Doriath, but we won't ignore it.'

Oropher frowned at this. Wargs were always spotted from time to time in Doriath, but the situation must be of concern of three regiments of marchwardens were out patroling the forests. Those were more than twenty five divisions in one, in total more than seventy divisions were on the move.

He wondered if the coming of the Golodhrim could have caused this. From Faron's words it seemed that the warg riders crossed Doriath to get quickly on the other side of the land. If the enemy cared so much to grace them with such strength to pass by the Girdle then Oropher worried for safety of the Noldor in the western wilderness. But even being this short time with them Oropher noticed how sturdy they were. They will manage. And he needed to focus back on his duties.

The army was still mustered for potential war and everyone was keeping themselves at bay. They sticked to this state since the black clouds appeared on the western sky and King Elwë have not yet given an order to stand down.

Oropher heard many other matters, but none of them seemed to be of that importance as the ones said at the beginning. Truth be told, Oropher expected much more to happen during his absence, but maybe it was for the better that it didn't. He assumed that the time was not best for any changes – if the soldiers were suposed to be ready for war, the commanders could not bring up many new orders.

'I will surely meet all of you on the field.' he said glancing at his soldiers one after another. 'I will meet with other generals and Mablung and I will inform you of any potential changes. Now go back to your duties.'

Oropher looked at Taranir and nodded at him once which was a clear message that he wished his friend to stay. He brifly looked at others - Alagos and Faron were as always in good moods and they left the office speaking quietly to each others. Halloth went forth to talk with Orthon and Nelledir. Halloth has not changed as well, neither did Nelledir or Orthon. Amrun spoke with Tinnu who seemed glad and not dimmed out as he used to look like and sparks of hapiness could be seen in his eyes. Now they needed to keep it going like this and Tinnu will walk on the right path. But Tinnu was not the only one with hapiness in his eyes - Saida had those sparks as well.

His soldiers took their leave and soon it was only Oropher and Taranir who remained in the office.

'He made huge progress in archery. The bow had changed balance and the movement of drawing an arrow on a string is much shorter, smoother you can say. He no longer has a problem with this.' Taranir said and nodded delicately. 'The kid needed this. This small success will help him move forth. I know he always compared himself with Amrun and Halloth.'

'He won't ever be like them in character.' Oropher said. 'But he is equal with them in skills. He just needs to believe in it.'

Taranir sighted a bit having this same though in mind as Oropher had earlier. They both knew they were not the best teachers fot character that Tinnu possessed. Their one wrong move will make Tinnu retreat several times. On the other hand they could not treat Tinnu delicately, he needed to learn how to manage himself in the army.

'It's good you are back.' Taranir saidthen. 'But you were delayed for long. I hope there were not many complications on your way.'

'I will get to this soon enough.' Oropher said as he approached his friend and patted his back leading him to armchair in the corner of the office. 'And thank you for keeping everything in place. I can always count on you.'

'You can and you know it. It's no secret.' Taranir said smiling a bit as he sat down on the armchair and Oropher poured them two glasses of wine.

Oropher smiled delicately as well. He remembered his thoughts long ago that he wished it was Taranir promoted to general all those centuries ago. But Oropher suspected that even if he would have proposed such a thing, Taranir would have refused. His friend had loyalty burned in his soul and there was no way he would have accepted Oropher to step down from his rank. Taranir never complained about his duties though Oropher believed that his friend deserved far more than being just his second in command.

He sipped a bit of his wine and he glanced at Taranir closely as he remembered words of Alagos not long ago. Taranir was as always in his calm composture, but Oropher knew well that Taranir's character was potentially explosive.

'How do you feel, Taranir?' Oropher asked. 'I know my cousin is back in Menegroth, but I heard your father arrived here with marchwardens as well.'

Oropher clearly saw how his friend tensed. Even a lone mention about this elf woke up such hatred.

'He keeps to himself. And for good, no one wishes to see him.' Taranir said as he sipped a bit of his wine. 'I am well enough, tough. You don't have to worry yourself about this.' then his eyes flashed powerfully. 'But I swear if he will even come close to my family.'

This unsaid threat was all too clear to Oropher and he had no intentions to drive his friend away from it. He had never met Taranir's father, but he hoped that this elf will stay away, cause Oropher had no wish to stop Taranir if it will come to any confrontation. If anything Oropher will stand beside his friend - he needed to explanation to chose a side.

'And I've been thinking if you should not spend more time with your family.' Oropher said. 'You will have your time of peace and you won't have to worry about them.'

'There is no need for this.' Taranir said, immediately shaking head at his words. 'I must stay and help you get back to work.'

'You always say there is no need.' Oropher said. 'While there is. And I mean it. If not now than in few rises of the sun. You must have your rest as well.'

'I will think about it.' Taranir finally said reluctantly and Oropher knew he will have to probably send his friend away either way cause Taranir will not step down on his own.

Then Oropher stared for a bit at his glass with wine. He knew the thing he wanted to speak about was very risky, but he won't hide this away from Taranir. The thing why they did such a great team with Taranir was implicit trust – Oropher never hid anything from Taranir, even if he spoke about some matter with Mablung, other general, the Council or even the King, he always passed all the news to his friend.

'I may know why there are so many warg riders in our forests. Or so I believe.' Oropher said lowering his voice a bit and he looked up at Taranir. 'I spoke about this only to the King, the Queen and my father and they inluded only few councillors.'

Taranir nodded, very well aware of the seriousness of the matter. They would have both many problems had anyone found out that Oropher spoke to Taranir about things his friend was not supposed to know. However, Oropher couldn't imagine it being different, all the more that sometimes it happened that Oropher was taken away from the army with his duties of a Prince. Tough it happened not that often it was still too many times for his liking and during his absence it was Taranir who took care of their Banner. How could he do that not knowing what matters were brought up in the Council or in the army?

'I was wounded in the west. I fell in the trap.' Oropher said and he sipped a bit of his wine remembering the bitterness of this thoughts when he was dying in the forest. 'Don't think I've been hallucinating. I know what I saw and I even spoke with them.' he said and Taranir was still silent, waiting until he will speak what he wanted. 'I met the Golodhrim in the west. They are back to the lands of Beleriand.'

'That almost seem impossible.' Taranir said and frown on his forehead only deepened. He placed his glass on a round small table before him and shook his head in thought, trying to mull the news that were presented to him. 'How is this even possible? They were on the other side of the ocean.'

Oropher realized there were many things about which he didn't bother to ask. He should have, though Elwë told him there was no need to speak with the Noldor further and he seemed to mean it. Elwë knew the Golodhrim definately better than anyone. Maybe his King was right about this and Oropher should for once stay in line and not sniff around.

'I don't know how they ended up here.' Oropher said coming back from his memories. 'I didn't think about asking this. I came to Doriath as soon as I was able to.'

'Maybe for the better.' Taranir muttered. 'Since those are the Golodhrim, our allied kin in the west and not the enemy, then the King may order our army to stand down. The soldiers are in vigilance for long and the tidings you brought may bring a bit of peace to Doriath.' he sighted a bit. 'But you may be right. Most likely, the enemy knows by now about the Golodhrim and he leads his scouts and riders through our territory. He gives them protection freely, and powerful spells allow them to pass the Girdle.'

'I will speak with Egnaspen and Haerdin to increase the divisions in the forests. It would be better for them to move in larger groups.'

'We can dispose our swordsmen.' Taranir agreed and after he took his glass back in hand sipping a bit of wine he eyed Oropher a bit. 'Have you recovered enough?'

'I did, my wound is but a scar by now.' he said grimacing a bit at lone remembrance of the awful feeling of crawling through his body. Oropher sighted then. 'I spoke with my father. He fears the King will decide to send a division to the Golodhrim. And most likely it will be us disposed for this duty.'

'Most inconvenient.' Taranir grimaced a bit. 'But understandable. We must do what we have to be done before that will happen. Do you wish to revise plans for eventual battles?'

'Yes, the sooner the better. I suspect there must be made some changes to them and we have to include our new regiment of cavalry.'

'I will make sure we will have plans of strategy. And then we can get to work.'

Oropher nodded in thought. The arrival of the Golodhrim may have stirred unstable peace in Beleriand. The future was now uncertain. It always was, but until now the shadow of war was still somewhere far away. Enough for some to almost forget about it. He hoped that the Noldor found their place to sette in and that their stable home would be enough to face the unpleasant interest of the Dark Lord.

'Alright, my friend.' he sighted as they both finished their wine. 'I will take a walk around the fields. I want to check on the others on the field and I will surely find you somewhere around.'

'You will, I assure you.' Taranir smiled and they both got up and took their leave from the office and from the building. 'I will speak with Orthon. We will schedule the cavalry to be ready as soon as it can be possible. They will muster on the main field.'

'Very well.' Oropher said and smiled delicately. There was no discussion with Taranir when he set up a schedule and he just accepted the plan his friend had, knowing that Taranir also made is smooth with his own duties.

They split up in different direction and Oropher found himself on round sandy fields where the swordsmen trained. He looked at them with great attention, not paying attention if those were soldiers of his Banner or a different one.

Until finally Oropher noticed a well known figure. It seemed he participated in some kind of gathering as there were quite many divisions standing around and an officer of a Wolf Banner referred some matter to them precisely and briefly. Oropher watched his young cousin with a delicate smile on his face, but Arvellon was turned from him, so he had no chance to notice him in turn.

When the briefing was over Arvellon turned to his own soldiers discussing the orders with them. Oropher sighted a bit and smiled. It was always a pleasure for him to watch his young cousin in this role of commander and to witness with his own eyes the progress he made through all those seasons. He couldn't be more proud seeing how great warrior he was becoming.

Oropher took away his eyes from Arvellon when the officer of the Wolf Banner walked out of the field.

'Ethiron.' Oropher greeted the soldier of Egnapen's division and the elf halted near him.

'Oropher.' Ethiron said. 'I heard of your return to Menegroth. Welcome back.'

'Thank you.' he smiled a bit and tilted head towards Arvellon. 'Do you mind if I will take him for a bit?'

Ethiron briefly looked back at the field and then smiled a bit as well and shook his head.

'Not at all. They are not mustered for immediate duty.' then he turned back to the soldiers on the field and called loudly. 'Arvellon!'

His cousin immediately turned to his officer hearing his name, but first surprise quickly disappeard when he glanced from Ethiron to Oropher and smile appeared on his face.

'A Wolf Banner has a great plans that concerns him.' Ethiron said. 'He is already a great soldier.'

'He will be even better.' Oropher smiled with pride and Ethiron nodded to himself in though and then left his side, but Oropher was not alone for long.

Arvellon approached him and Oropher immediately cought him in firm embrace that was returned. Arvellon was as tall as him and realising this made Oropher think of the time when he used to pick up his little cousin to carry him on his back. How long ago this was? Was this really this same little cousin who stood now in front of him, so tall and broad shouldered, carrying his armor with pride?

'I am so glad to see you.' Oropher said coming back from his musings. 'I have been worried about your way back from Ossiriand.'

'It was us who were worried about you.' Arvellon said as they stepped away from each other and held themselves at arms length. Then his face betrayed great worry. 'Whatever happened that you were gone for so long?'

'It's not of that importance.' Oropher waved the matter away immediately changing the subject and he smiled to his cousin. 'More important is what you did on this ride back.'

Arvellon shook his head dismissing what Oropher refered to.

'I had a good position, that's all-'

'Don't say it like this.' Oropher said as he frowned a bit, but he brightened up immediately. 'Oh, my cousin, I couldn't be more proud. Three wargs! I only wish you had something to remember this battle.'

'There is no need.' Arvellon said. 'I am sure I will have other occasions to gather something.'

Oropher felt both pride and sting of anxiousness at the though of this. Arvellon was becoming a warrior and right now there was no stopping it or coming back. Even if someone would want to stop it, Arvellon won't let anyone to take it away from him. He stood on his own legs, independant and strong - everything Oropher ever wanted for him.

'On the other hand, I wish you won't ever have another occasion.' Oropher muttered analysing his own thoughts that crossed his mind and Arvellon huffed a bit in an answer.

'Now you are talking like my father!'

Oropher frowned a bit, knowing that Edwethon tried all he could to pry Arvellon away from becoming a soldier. In the end he chose to accept it rather than allow himself to be parted from is second child.

'He loves you very much, Arvellon.' Oropher said more softly. 'You need to understand him a bit.'

'It's a bit hard you know.' he said and Oropher thought he heard a bit of regret in his voice. 'Everyone in our family is fine with you doing your duty and no one says a word, even when you are gone for so long like now. But as it goes to me, I think that they would rather prefer to hold me in cage rather than allow me to perform my orders.' he sighted a bit. 'I won't go far with their constant worry. I know they have power to influence the army and I fear they will.'

Oropher knew what was on Arvellon's mind. Part of it was true. Their family, but especially Arvellon's parents, would rather see him in another, more safer role in the army than the commander of division. Everything, but not seeing their son leaving the gates of Menegroth.

'Arvellon, my little cousin. Now that I am as old as now I must say that I understand their worry.' Oropher said and he placed hand on his cousin's arm. 'Our Elders have seen elves loosing their lives. I saw it as well. I lost many of my companions during the war, in warg clashes like the one you fought in not that long ago. This danger is real, Arvellon, and everyone may loose his life. Nothing can be taken for granted.'

Arvellon watched him in concentration, but there was no frown on his forehead nor refusal in his eyes. In his age he was wiser than Oropher had been.

'Your soldier's path has just begun and you need to understand your parents.' Oropher continued. 'Our duty is not easy nor safe. I saw elves loosing themselves to grief after the loss of their loved one. No one can shield himself from this, it affects everyone.' he dropped there and his eyes darkened a bit and Arvellon seemed to cought his thoughts. He was always clever.

'I never asked my parents about them.' he said quietly. 'And they are not included in the family tree.'

Oropher knew they weren't. He didn't know if it was done on purpose to not awaken painful memories or it was that the memory of them was lost even to the chroniclers of Doriath.

He smiled encouragingly to Arvellon.

'I didn't know my mother. She was lost when I was an infant and I have no memory of her.' he said. 'She was Iveril of House Silevon, the oldest child of Lord Silevon, the Head if the House.' then he sighted a bit, it was a mix of sorrow and grief, a bit of longing as well. 'But I do remember our aunt, Túrel, mother of Celeborn and Galathil. She was a warrior as our uncle. Just like us. I think she would have been proud seeing all of us.'

'No one ever speaks about her. They would rather speak about your mother than about her.'

'Uncle took her loss severly.' Oropher said. 'He never speaks about her. Even to his own sons. As if she existed only to him and nobody else.'

Then he smiled to Arvellon and patted his arm to comfort him. Their conversation went on to much sadder matters than Oropher wished it to.

'We can speak about it one time, if you would like. We can ask Celeborn if he would like to speak about his mother, I bet he has much more memories of her than me and Galathil.' Oropher said, but then came back to the topic the spoke about before. 'But the last thing I want you to remember, is that loosing you is your parents worst nightmare, every parent fear about thir child. But despite this they support you, truly and against everything, even their own fear.'

'I know.' Arvellon sighted. 'But I have a hunch that they accepted me being a soldier to not loose me just as they did Amdír.'

This was a part that was truthful. Amdír didn't let anyone to take his future away from him. And tough Arvellon was different than Amdír, he would not have forgave easily if Edwethon or Arradis decided to interfere anyhow in the future he freamed about. But he would have stayed close and within the safe walls of Menegroth, just as his parents wished, something Amdír didn't let anyone do.

'If only your father had wanted he would have got things done his way long ago and you would have never been a soldier.' Oropher then smiled to Arvellon encouragingly. 'And it's not that our family is fine with my duty. They more got used to it, I guess. I feel my father's fear everytime I leave the city. Even now I feel his grief after my long absence. And uncle Galadhon was as always ready to say what he thought of it.'

'He didn't.' Arvellon frowned, but nonetheless he smiled a bit amused.

'He did. I could even be Primus General and uncle Galadhon would still say what he wanted.' Oropher laughed a bit. 'We won't ever be free of him, cousin.'

'He knows everything. You just sentenced yourself!'

Oropher shook his head and decided to get Arvellon away from his soldiers for a bit more time. He lead his cousin away, back the way he walked before towards the wooden building. Maybe they will get a bit of wine, since Arvellon didn't have immediate orders to take care of. And at the back of his head, Oropher had to remember to get done his own duties - he had to admit that he was getting too easily distracted from them.

Yes, they aunt would have been proud of them all. For a moment Oropher wished that Arvellon had met her, on the other hand he was glad that his cousin didn't have to get through her loss. His young cousin had never experienced such loss and he had not seen the terrible strength of grief that could bring down everyone. He hoped Arvellon will never have to see someone falling apart and dimming down like a candle fire knowing that there was nothing he could do.

Since the Girdle was established, there were only wounded during occasional clashes with wargs. Those were centuries since the army of Doriath lost a soldier and Oropher, like nothing other, intended to keep it that way.

[themessafterthemarty]

11 Questions - Return of the Tag

So my main munch @monstermunch321 tagged me cus she was tagged by someone she tagged after I’d tagged her for tagging me after which she tagged me-

I WAS TAGGED FOR THIS AGAIN mkey that’s the story, that’s all there is to it, no more background here, no sir.

ONTO THE QUESTIONS:

Warning!: This post is long as all hell, because a certain someone asks me questions I can’t give short answers to.

I mean I could, but my heart won’t let me.

1. What is your favourite piece of artwork that you have made yourself?

Starting off easy, I see! 

That was a joke.

Okay, so I’m picking from the art that I’ve posted online (because anything else is too hard to find), and it might sound weird but I think my current fave, at least in quality, is the one I posted most recently?

I’m constantly trying to improve and I’ve seen the old ones way too many times, so I struggle to really appreciate them objectively, and anything that’s even a tiny bit old I just see mistakes in.

But further on the list of “you don’t make me want to stab myself”, I’m very proud of my Dan and Phil in Undertale series, even though I already want to remake the first ones. They were some of the first phan arts I ever made and they got a lot of positive attention which meant the world to me, because I was just starting to put stuff online more regularly and that to a great extent inspired me to continue doing that, even when posting stuff that people didn’t care too much about.

There’s also “that one time I felt I did a good pic justice”, “this looks better IRL but no one notices it on my wall either so maybe it’s just not as good as I see it as but I like it”, “I can’t unsee that I made Mat too tall after someone pointed it out on Twitter, but both Mat and Steph liked it so it’s okay”, and then.... 

well there’s this.

As you may have noticed I choose a lot of these based on association rather than whether I think they’re technically good, and.... I just kind of poured my heart into that one and it’s tied to a very, very, very dear memory, so I don’t want to criticise it technically. It doesn’t matter if it’s good. That’s not why it’s there. That’s not why it was made, not why I made a tumblr post with it, and not why I included it here. It doesn’t matter if a single other person on this website likes it - I frankly couldn’t give a damn if people hate it, even. What matters is that right now there’s one printed copy of this in existence and it’s hopefully in some box in a storage facility - maybe even a storage closet if I’m lucky - owned by Dan Howell and Phil Lester, and they loved it, hugged me and made me cry in a good way.

2. What is you favourite piece of instrumental music?

WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME SUFFER LIKE THIS.

HAVE I EVER MENTIONED TO YOU THAT I GREW UP WITH MUSICIAN PARENTS AND MY FIRST FANDOM WAS ME ALL ALONE AT 8 IN MY ROOM RE-LISTENING TO MOZART’S LIFE STORY ON AUDIO BOOK?

*screams*

...

I’m calm.

I’m not giving you one answer, though - because this is a much bigger deal than that, there are too many genres, and when do I ever give you short answers, anyway?

Okay so, in the classics department there’s for example Mozart’s 40th Symphony and Grieg’s Wedding Day at Troldhaugen - both pieces I loved as a child and still love to this day. Bach’s Cello Suite No.1 in G Major is of course the world’s best cello piece, but Air is too magical not to win first place from his stuff. (And this is where Marty got lost in her own Spotify playlist and decided to stop) .... *whispers* Prokokiev’s Peter and the Wolf is also quite dear to me.

I listen to soundtracks way too much and have for a very, very long time, too, so here are some tracks I love:

“Homeland” from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron “Special Order” from Ratatouille “Sacred Pool of Tears” from Kung Fu Panda “I Don’t Think Now Is The Best Time” from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End “Define Dancing” from Wall-E

I also need to honourably mention the entirety of the Inside Out soundtrack.

I’m already so bad at keeping it short on “what’s your favourite” questions, you just had to ask me about music. This is me trying to keep it short. You brought this on yourself.

3. When typing which number keys do you use? The top row or the number pad at the side?

I actually haven’t had a computer that has a number pad since I used the family computer back before I was 10, so the top row! If for no other reason than that I learned to type properly when I had a laptop.

4. Since you think vinegar is strange on chips, how about gravy? (I don’t like this myself, but its a thing around here).

I just dip my chips in sour cream, like any respectable human being. *dramatic hairflip* (Also what exactly is gravy? I hear the US and the UK don’t quite agree on this)

I also just had the profound realisation that I’m not entirely sure which kind of chips we’re talking about - I mean, I probably dip them in sour cream anyway, to be fair, that’s what I do.

5. Are you superstitious?

Not particularly? My attitude towards anything supernatural is that if it exists, it’s too unscientific for us to be able to fully understand it, predict it and do something with it. So in the end, what opinion I have of it is kind of irrelevant - whether it exists or not, I’ll behave the same way, because I can never know. I can only act based on what I do know, like that if you walk under a ladder, it might get caught on your clothes or something and hit you in the head, or if you break a mirror you’re gonna have to replace it and there may be glass shards all around that could hurt you at any given time, and walking around with a rabbit’s paw for luck is just begging to get PETA on your neck and is also an insult to my old pet rabbit.

6. How many cans make up your firewall?

Precisely 33. 👌

7. QUICK, you have 1 minute, draw a dragon!

8. Your favourite food?

What have I said about me and “favourite” questions??? This one’s actually impossible, tho. Depends on the day and stuff. I really love tacos, but so does the rest of Norway, and my mom’s chicken fajitas are amazing, meanwhile one of my fave dishes is fish balls in white sauce with potatoes and boiled carrots, because I’m Norwegian, okay, this is how we roll (it’s actually not necessarily, but yes that is a relatively common dish that I’ve always just loved too much), but then there’s also chicken risotto which for a long time was the only dish I knew how to make. 

9. What was your favourite TV show as a kid?

I’m not really sure? I watched a lot of Disney Channel, Jetix and Cartoon Network, but I can’t really remember if I had a favourite, and at what age I watched what shows. Some honourable mentions are Sonic, Kim Possible, Powerpuff Girls, Lilo & Stitch, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, of course I watched far too much Hannah Montana when that became a thing, Phineas and Ferb is still amazing, and I also watched a lot of the Simpsons from I was quite small - not because it went on TV but because we had a bunch of Simpsons seasons on DVD.

Though it of course depends on what you define as “kid”, because if we’re talking 10-13, then I can tell you that the Discovery Channel lineup after school was the best thing on Earth and I watched Mythbusters literally every day (after Dirty Jobs and all the various tattoo shows)

And yet I still sit here with the feeling of that I’ve probably forgotten something.

Having returned from some Googling, I can confirm that I forgot actual proper kids’ shows, and I can confirm I loved Teletubbies, Thomas the Tank Engine, Animals of Farthing Wood (’loved’ more like ‘was lovingly traumatised by’), Bear in the Big Blue House and on the Norwegian front there’s Uhu! - not that you’d know what that is, but it was the best thing ever and might have actually been my favourite, so I couldn’t not mention it.

10. Have you ever had a Yorkshire pudding/ would you try one? (Considering you don’t know what a Yorkshire pudding tin was, I’m guessing I know half your answer).

I think I’ve tasted it like once? When I was in London? We were at a restaurant that served a bunch of traditional English food, but I can’t remember what the pudding was like at all, would love to try it again sometime.

11. How annoyed are you at me for retagging you? :P

I mean, you send me 11 sentences and I send you a book back, who should be annoyed here? See, this is why I have an about me tag and not an about me page. You’re just intent on filling it up, giving me all these cursed “favourite” questions. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN I DON’T KNOW THE FINE ART OF KNOWING WHEN TO STOP TALKING?

Buuuuut since this is war now I feel like I can’t NOT send you something back, so here we go, I tag @monstermunch321 AGAIN (fight me!)

1. What’s your favourite holiday? Why?

2. Are you right- or left-handed?

3. What Hogwarts House are you?

4. What’s your favourite GTLive stream/s?

5. If you had to be an animal other than human, which animal would you choose? Wild or captive?

6. Favourite food? (I’m original, I know)

7. What’s the first toy/stuffed animal/doll you remember having?

8. If you had to pick a favourite instrument, which would it be?

9. Do you prefer sweet or salty snacks? Have any favourites?

10. If you had to pick a “super power” that some animal on Earth already has, which would it be? (whether it be claws that could kill, camouflage, bioluminescence, or an uncanny ability to always land on your feet and fit into boxes)

11. Got any favourite books?

[inbonobo]

Research conducted at the University of Toronto by Stéphane Côté and colleagues confirms that the rich are less generous than the poor, but their findings suggest it’s more complicated than simply wealth making people stingy.

Rather, it’s the distance created by wealth differentials that seems to break the natural flow of human kindness. Côté found that “higher-income individuals are only less generous if they reside in a highly unequal area or when inequality is experimentally portrayed as relatively high.” Rich people were as generous as anyone else when inequality was low. The rich are less generous when inequality is extreme, a finding that challenges the idea that higher-income individuals are just more selfish. If the person who needs help doesn’t seem that different from us, we’ll probably help them out. But if they seem too far away (culturally, economically) we’re less likely to lend a hand.

The social distance separating rich and poor, like so many of the other distances that separate us from each other, only entered human experience after the advent of agriculture and the hierarchical civilizations that followed, which is why it’s so psychologically difficult to twist your soul into a shape that allows you to ignore starving children standing close enough to smell your plate of curry. You’ve got to silence the inner voice calling for justice and for fairness. But we silence this ancient, insistent voice at great cost to our own psychological well-being.

A wealthy friend of mine recently told me, “You get successful by saying ‘yes,’ but you need to say ‘no’ a lot to stay successful.” If you’re perceived to be wealthier than those around you, you’ll have to say “no” a lot. You’ll be constantly approached with requests, offers, pitches, and pleas—whether you’re in a Starbucks in Silicon Valley or the back streets of Calcutta. Refusing sincere requests for help doesn’t come naturally to our species. Neuroscientists Jorge Moll, Jordan Grafman, and Frank Krueger of the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS) have used fMRI machines to demonstrate that altruism is deeply embedded in human nature. Their work suggests that the deep satisfaction most people derive from altruistic behavior is not due to a benevolent cultural overlay, but from the evolved architecture of the human brain.

Psychologists Dacher Keltner and Paul Piff monitored intersections with four-way stop signs and found that people in expensive cars were four times more likely to cut in front of other drivers, compared to folks in more modest vehicles. When the researchers posed as pedestrians waiting to cross a street, all the drivers in cheap cars respected their right of way, while those in expensive cars drove right on by 46.2 percent of the time, even when they’d made eye contact with the pedestrians waiting to cross. Other studies by the same team showed that wealthier subjects were more likely to cheat at an array of tasks and games. For example, Keltner reported that wealthier subjects were far more likely to claim they’d won a computer game—even though the game was rigged so that winning was impossible. Wealthy subjects were more likely to lie in negotiations and excuse unethical behavior at work, like lying to clients in order to make more money. When Keltner and Piff left a jar of candy in the entrance to their lab with a sign saying whatever was left over would be given to kids at a nearby school, they found that wealthier people stole more candy from the babies.

Researchers at the New York State Psychiatric Institute surveyed 43,000 people and found that the rich were far more likely to walk out of a store with merchandise they hadn’t paid for than were poorer people. Findings like this (and the behavior of drivers at intersections) could reflect the fact that wealthy people worry less about potential legal repercussions. If you know you can afford bail and a good lawyer, running a red light now and then or swiping a Snickers bar may seem less risky. But the selfishness goes deeper than such considerations. A coalition of nonprofit organizations called the Independent Sector found that, on average, people with incomes below $25,000 per year typically gave away a little over 4 percent of their income, while those earning more than $150,000 donated only 2.7 percent (despite tax benefits the rich can get from charitable giving that are unavailable to someone making much less).

There is reason to believe that blindness to the suffering of others is a psychological adaptation to the discomfort caused by extreme wealth disparities. Michael W. Kraus and colleagues found that people of higher socio-economic status were actually less able to read emotions in other people’s faces. It wasn’t that they cared less what those faces were communicating; they were simply blind to the cues. And Keely Muscatell, a neuroscientist at UCLA, found that wealthy people’s brains showed far less activity than the brains of poor people when they looked at photos of children with cancer.

Books such as Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work and The Psychopath Test argue that many traits characteristic of psychopaths are celebrated in business: ruthlessness, a convenient absence of social conscience, a single-minded focus on “success.” But while psychopaths may be ideally suited to some of the most lucrative professions, I’m arguing something different here. It’s not just that heartless people are more likely to become rich. I’m saying that being rich tends to corrode whatever heart you’ve got left. I’m suggesting, in other words, that it’s likely the wealthy subjects who participated in Muscatell’s study learnedto be less unsettled by the photos of sick kids by the experience of being rich—much as I learned to ignore starving children in Rajastan so I could comfortably continue my vacation.

In an essay called “Extreme Wealth is Bad for Everyone—Especially the Wealthy,” Michael Lewis observed, “It is beginning to seem that the problem isn’t that the kind of people who wind up on the pleasant side of inequality suffer from some moral disability that gives them a market edge. The problem is caused by the inequality itself: It triggers a chemical reaction in the privileged few. It tilts their brains. It causes them to be less likely to care about anyone but themselves or to experience the moral sentiments needed to be a decent citizen.”

Ultimately, diminished empathy is self-destructive. It leads to social isolation, which is strongly associated with sharply increased health risks, including stroke, heart disease, depression, and dementia.

In one of my favorite studies, Keltner and Piff decided to tweak a game of Monopoly. The psychologists rigged the game so that one player had huge advantages over the other from the start. They ran the study with over a hundred pairs of subjects, all of whom were brought into the lab where a coin was flipped to determine who’d be “rich” and “poor” in the game. The randomly chosen “rich” player started out with twice as much money, collected twice as much every time they went around the board, and got to roll two dice instead of one. None of these advantages was hidden from the players. Both were well aware of how unfair the situation was. But still, the “winning” players showed the tell-tale symptoms of Rich Asshole Syndrome. They were far more likely to display dominant behaviors like smacking the board with their piece, loudly celebrating their superior skill, even eating more pretzels from a bowl positioned nearby.

After 15 minutes, the experimenters asked the subjects to discuss their experience of playing the game. When the rich players talked about why they’d won, they focused on their brilliant strategies rather than the fact that the whole game was rigged to make it nearly impossible for them to lose. “What we’ve been finding across dozens of studies and thousands of participants across this country,” said Piff, “is that as a person’s levels of wealth increase, their feelings of compassion and empathy go down, and their feelings of entitlement, of deservingness, and their ideology of self-interest increases.”

Of course, there are exceptions to these tendencies. Plenty of wealthy people have the wisdom to navigate the difficult currents their good fortune generates without succumbing to RAS—but such people are rare, and they tend to come from humble origins. Perhaps an understanding of the debilitating effects of wealth explains why some who have built large fortunes are vowing not to pass their wealth to their children. Several billionaires, including Chuck Feeney, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffett have pledged to give away all or most of their money before they die. Buffet has famously said that he intends to leave his kids “enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.” The same impulse is expressed among those lower on the millionaire totem pole. According to an article on CNBC.com, Craig Wolfe, the owner of CelebriDucks, the largest custom collectible rubber duck manufacturer, intends to leave the millions he’s made to charity, which is amazing—but nowhere near as amazing as the fact that someone made millions of dollars selling collectible rubber ducks.

Do you know someone who suffers from RAS? There may be help for them. UC Berkeley researcher Robb Willer and his team conducted studies in which participants were given cash and instructed to play games of various complexity that would benefit “the public good.”

Participants who showed the greatest generosity benefited from more respect and cooperation from their peers and had more social influence. “The findings suggest that anyone who acts only in his or her narrow self-interest will be shunned, disrespected, even hated,” Willer said. “But those who behave generously with others are held in high esteem by their peers and thus rise in status.” Keltner and Piff have seen the same thing: “We’ve been finding in our own laboratory research that small psychological interventions, small changes to people’s values, small nudges in certain directions, can restore levels of egalitarianism and empathy,” said Piff. “For instance, reminding people of the benefits of cooperation, or the advantages of community, cause wealthier individuals to be just as egalitarian as poor people.” In one study, they showed subjects a short video—just 46 seconds long—about childhood poverty. They then checked the subjects’ willingness to help a stranger presented to them in the lab who appeared to be in distress. An hour after watching the video, rich people were as willing to lend a hand as were poor subjects. Piff believes these results suggest that “these differences are not innate or categorical, but are malleable to slight changes in people’s values, and little nudges of compassion and bumps of empathy.”

(via Why Are Rich People So Mean? | WIRED)