#as opposed to...the one who assumed i go to their school and my blog name is a parody of their biology teachers name...?

[mihai-florescu]

I found out you're Romanian by going through your blog and looking for crumbs of information like a normal person

(I feel the need to state that for obvious reasons this is comedic hyperbole. I found out about your romanianisms like a month after we became mutuals or so)

My romanianism...an incurable disease im afraid. Dont get too close or you'll catch it

[comingtoyoursenses]

I want to reiterate in regards to that last anon and this is goinf to be long and obnoxious because i answered that ask at work and didnt go into detail; I don't think you understand what I was talking about because I didn't go in depth within the post you're referring to because I've already talked about it extensively on my blog.

But educational intervention in the context of stigma reduction for practitioners working with high risk groups is more than valid and not remotely fascistic. Idk like it just really seems like you have no idea what you're talking about insofar as that you would come at me for one post without context of my work instead of just asking me about it. Workshops, curriculum shifts, etc., are all effective forms of educational intervention. The system I live under in my province (where I'm focusing my work) barely touches the surface of NSSI for those working w/ high risk of NSSI populations. Particularly teachers and counselors for high-school aged people and younger.

My work primarily focuses on lived experience reports of what people with NSSI understand to be the most useful language, frameworks, and therapeutic measures. Every single person with self injury has unique strengths that should be centered and built upon to fit their needs and address their suffering, as opposed to the monolithic and frankly rudimentary frameworks used for the last several decades that foster stigmatising attitudes.

Once more I'm going to reiterare that affective states are intertwined with cognitive appraisals, it takes intentionality and cognitive effort to make attitudinal changes in most any facet of life. If somebody goes through their entire life believing non suicidal self injury is transient and maladaptive, in good faith wishes to work with people who need help because they want to 'make a difference' (i.e highschool counselor), and then encounters somebody who is self harming, do you not think that the lack of education dedicated to NSSI from a person centered, strengths based framework is going to impact the way they approach this person seeking guidance from them?

Be so fucking serious, comparing the work of several researchers dedicating their time to reforming a system based in stigma (psychology) (for researchers working on this see Staniland, Hasking, and Lewis to name a few) to the cruelty of punitive prison systems is such a reach. I'm a staunch advocate for prison abolition if not at the least mass reform (which is built from abolition practices) but like. for the sake of my work I'm working with NSSI!! As I've mentioned several times on this blog!!

People hurt themselves to cope with problems often bigger than what they alone can manage. Trauma, abuse, bigotry, violence, etc. The amount of people that self injure because of systemic inequity, systematic inequity, and consequently social stigma is something that we need social supports for, I.e community care.

There is an intersection between those performing community care and teachers, counselors, social workers, etc. Lots of young people (the main demographic for when NSSI behaviour starts) don't have competent resources because of this social stigma reinforced by systemic inequity, leading to perpetuated feelings of helplessness and isolation.

Self injury isn't going away, and rates are seemingly getting higher (this doesn't factor in potential underreporting in previous studies). I have lived experience with rejection, isolation, being called attention-seeking, childish, and weak for cutting myself by peers and adults alike during my adolescence- when seeking help from counselors for this they said my solution should be to just /stop/. Instead of recognising that this was one of the most adaptive skills I had to get through the day. And this is just my one personal story.

Isn't that fucked!!?? But we have to assume if these people are going into fields where they work with vulnerable populations that it is in some part in good faith. How do people unlearn their outdated praxis if not through being introduced to new information and effective communication and education of why this new information is valuable. Why have we fought for proper education for centuries if not to intervene when the education is harmful. In my 12th grade yr my best friend and I held a protest (inspired by Rayne fisher quann) against Doug Ford reversing progressive changes made to our sex education, reverting to abstinence and removing gender studies from sex ed. That is the essence of my work, to find validity in new methods that are the most conducive to compassion and lived experiences and then fight for those to be embedded in our curriculum. if everyone has equal opportunity to receive exposure to a reformed curriculum of self injury coming from a strengths based framework there /will/ be changes to practices, leading to a recentering away from stigmatising language and frameworks towards ones of healing and understanding. And not just for people with money and convenience to access good therapy, for people who only have access to the 1 day a week counseling at their middle schools.

Obviously it's not going to happen easily or immediately, as radical changes never do, but we have seen changes over time come directly from people with lived experiences advocating for their perspectives to be centered. Ik not every individual will have a perspective shift im not hoping for a clockwork orange esque brainwashing of the masses or lobotomising the hate out, it's genuinely utilising the human capacity for attitudinal flexibility esp. considering that we have to imagine (to bring this back) that if you are choosing to work with vulnerable groups, some part of you has to be working in good faith.

TL;DR!!!

My thesis, future work, and entire praxis factors in systematic reform through the training, education, and structural basis of practices working w/ demographics that self injure to center the lived intersectional experiences of those with nssi proudly and unabashedly.

So we can prevent future incidences of kids being told by their counselors that they're attention seeking and wasting time. So that we can assess the real issues individuals with NSSI face instead of asserting that their self injury is the issue. And we could have just had a convo about this but instead youre accusing me of lacking critical thinking and being fascistic? Like girl sorry I'm not Lenin but we do the best to survive under the systems we are forced into. One of these survival mechanisms for a lot of people is self injury, people are shamed for coping using self injury because modern curriculum has been espousing outdated terminology and frameworks conducive to stigma. This is also not the entirety of my work but is a huge part of it. !!!!!!

Anyways if anyone actually read this thank you for taking your time to listen to my ramblings cus this is so important to me

[feuqueerfire]

Kiseki: Dear To Me Live Blogging

I initially didn't add this to my watchlist despite hearing good things about it when it was airing (esp because I heard that it kinda fell apart plot-wise toward the end maybe? I don't remember) but people's talks about the side ship had piqued my interest, so I added it a few months later. I'm in the mood for something that has Things Going On other than just a sweet romance, so I hope this scratches that itch.

Pausing my I Will Knock You binge to start this instead

Ep 1 (May 14)

Mar 2023

agh, I have to log out of Viki to watch this because it detects my adblocker >:(( okay, i'm disabling and then enabling. i'm watching with the Viki comments on the side after a Long Time, I hope it's just kinda fun and isn't irritating or spoiler-y

hm, Chen Yi and Ai Di are the side characters, right?

reminds me of the History 3: Trapped side couple lol

I... just realized Bai Zongyi probably just got out of jail and that's why Ai Di had his address in a notebook or whatever and is telling him how to get home and such, right? I remember something about somebody getting out of jail but I thought it involved Ai Di pursuing some guy after he or the guy ? got out of jail.

Anyway, this makes me think we're gonna actually start from before he went to jail?

Ai Di being warned to stay away from Zongyi to not hurt him? And Zongyi has photo with a guy who I assume is his lover interest and I guess Zongyi was in prison for 4 years?

Nov 2018, ah

oh crazy, a bloody hand grabbing him outta nowhere, i would've screamed. reminds me of Long Time No See though

Zongyi studying to be a doctor maybe

lolll I think I may have seen this scene in an edit? Or in a different show? Where he's like help me or you'll be the murderer since the fingerprint is on the knife

hehe they're both so rude to each other <3 and also somewhat of an age diff? <3 and the older criminal (?) guy basically forcing Zongyi's hand by blackmailing him with the knife but Zongyi doesn't take to it kindly or easily <3

ah, Chen Yi and Ai Di were in the same gang? And I guess the guy who Zongyi found is same guy they're looking for? A'Ruei?

Fan Jheruei

Beg me... hah. and he does beg cutely, even though it's a joke/condescending

pls gangster Jheruei being a cat in Zongyi's mind?

scenes of desperation and blackmail being overlayed with some royalty-free cheery music lmfao

Jheruei going through all of Zongyi's stuff and also reminiscing about his own memories (Zongyi's family has high expectations for him while Ruei's does not?)

he's hiding from Zhang Teng who sold drugs under Yiyun Gang's name (are they Yiyun gang?)

Ruei knows math? but he couldn't show it outwardly before cuz he has to be worse than his brother?

I didn't realize this opposing gangster was from MODC lol

Ep 2 (May 14)

oh the other MODC guy is here too? damn. but they're not a couple here probably even though one's the gang leader and the other's in the gang?

pls Zongyi laying awake, afraid of Ruei trying to murder him while Ruei just adjusts his blanket. why is the scary gangster both cold and soft-hearted

domesticity between a college kid and a gangster who is forcibly hiding himself in this guy's home via blackmail so that he's not framed with a knife

Ai Di's torture via spice and then getting tied to the chair himself lol

wait it's a high school kid? ohh delicious age gap then

"dinner got cold" all the while he's taking the laundry in. gangster has decided to become a full-time househusband

lol Zongyi's got storm/rain trauma, rain really on these BL leads' necks

aw, it triggers his childhood abuse :(

aw that was done pretty well from both of them

okay Enough, we don't need a shower crying scene

not the "sleep with me (on the same bed)"

ah, cuddling

all;sdfj ?! huh?! Ruei with his sleep-addled brain def thought Zongyi was somebody else right, does that mean he's heartbroken?

damn, he's losing out on his scholarship over 1 late attendance? not even missing bruh, let it slide

oof an adult against a minor card. more than fair enough

perfunctory

girl, I thought Ruei was gonna try to find a way to properly apologize but he's just being rude and ordering Zongyi around, smh. you're the one who's in this kid's house and kissed him randomly, even if, I assume, accidentally

Ep 3 (May 14)

ah, I was waiting to see what Ai Di was looking at down there during the call

omg?! Ai Di is crazy, just driving like that, even if he knew that Chen Yi would take the man away from the front of the wheels

lol he actually punched him instead of doing the "gentlemanly" thing and faking out

they've made up now i suppose, cute

lion tattoo, is that for everybody in the gang or is Chen Yi this Boss guy's son or something

lmfao is this show a fucking Taiwanese BL reunion lmfao, Be Loved In House: I Do main couple make an appearance as part of the Yiyun gang

damn, the Boss got a gay relationship with his assistant (?) or whatever too, I guess. Are they from some BL too or nah?

but why is everybody making eye contact and watching that interaction lmfao, esp Chen Yi ? like Chen Yi and possibly Ai Di don't like the two of them being involved for some reason?

Also, I thought Chen Yi saw the Boss guy as his father figure but maybe he sees him as a crush on older man type thing? and that's why he doesn't like it?

Damn, what's up with this Boss and the other guy? deceived by his words for 20 years and this one being the last time?

True love?! girl we're halfway through episode 3

Ruei's family?

ah, so Chen Yi does like/has a crush on the Boss? Though I guess that's Ai Di's interpretation (similar to my thoughts via observation), so Boss could still be his brother/father/whatever and not a romantic crush

naurrrr Ruei being picked up and passing by Zongyi who had excitedly bought strawberry cake T.T

he left the money and a note and the knife (cleaned, no longer for blackmail purposes) and without a face-to-face goodbye owww

omg naurrr, not that reminding him of when his mother walked out on him

Disease! Elbow!

"My cat is missing" aw

The people said in the novel, the age different is 17 and 22 which I think is a good age gap if we're doing one of them is underage but still want a bit of an age gap. uncomfortable enough because as a 22 year old, 17 year olds are simply too young but not Too Uncomfortable the way it might be with an even bigger age gap.

Ep 4 (May 15)

Watching this in bed on my ipad, heh

mid Jan 2019, so it’s been ~1.5 months since he left

yaas Ai Di and Zongyi meeting

I read that Ai Di and Chen Yi were step-brothers in a tumblr post i reblogged so i knew this already but i wish i hadn’t bc finding this out randomly in the middle of watching like this would’ve been so fun and exciting

18 and 21, what a perfectly acceptable age gap, i’m glad they gave me step brothers bc idk why i thought before starting this show that the second couple has a big-ish age gap

February 2019

hello?!? Ruei substitute teacher?! when ppl mentioned teacher in preview from ep 3, i assumed they meant another cameo

lmfao what kinda gang are they that the principal of the school wants to let them infiltrate the school to catch another gang providing drugs to students lmfaoo

ah, hurt and pain as Ruei turns Zongyi away and tries to make him hate him on purpose

god Chen Yi manhandles Ai Di so much, i love it

the boss is Chen Yi’s Godfather along with his crush. this one could’ve been delicious too tbh but i like the current couple

bruh similar rescuing tho this time he’s just drunk not bleeding

ahhh Zongyi doesn’t want Ruei to leave and keeps coming up with excuses

Okay, I read the episode's on-air thread on r/boyslove but... why do some comments mention Ruei losing his memories? I'm not looking forward to the amnesia trope, agh.

Ep 5 (May 15)

lmfao this fall

omg Zongyi thinking Ai Di likes Ruei

lmfaoooo dying at the jealous hijinks

at least that's cleared up

why is this the approach the girl is taking lmao

lol this fight

lol this falling into Zongyi's arms in sleep

the viki comments have been annoying me this episode but somebody said you can telling this man (Ruei) is used to having company in bed and lmfao yepp

like WHY IS THE HAND GOING IN HIS JEANS BRUH

first a kiss not groping him, Ruei is actually a menace and a danger

Ai Di always being manhandled and thrown around by Chen Yi

cousin lol

why is the girl so annoying, we really have 1 female character who gets to speak more than 1 line and she's a terrible person like ok

he left his classroom just like that, who knows what's going on there now lmfao

oh Zongyi's being cute

Ep 6 (May 15)

aw Zongyi made the cake

mouth wiping

lmfao drink spit

okay i know he's about to get rejected based on what people said about previews for this ep, oof

lol this feels like I'm getting a little taste of the next drama I'm gonna watch (A Lesson in Love) where it's a young? female teacher with her high school student

anyway Ruei tells Ai Di that he can't control his feelings, so at least he's aware of them

brain pills? in this school that apparently has drugs being sold to the students? also this is reminding me that we're on ep 6 of a 13 ep show and Zongyi has to go to jail soon, I'm guessing?

Zongyi is quite mature in saying let's not meet then, maybe I'll get over my crush

The Fans? Ruei's family? Are they also a gang or what?

I don't care about the Boss and the other guy but I guess it's fun to see how it affects the chain of Chen Yi and Ai Di

aw, Zongyi stuffing his face with strawberry cream roll in sadness

damn, even Ai Di and then don't consider Ruei to be really part of the gang because he's afraid to die and doesn't do as much in the gang as Ai Di and Chen Yi do

so is somebody in the car watching them? We didn't get a reveal

pls not Ai Di insulting Chen Yi by saying he's impotent and his dick doesn't work and Chen Yi kissing him in anger?

Ai Di always taking jabs at Chen Yi for not being able to tell their boss about his crush but not telling him himself and now biting Chen Yi's lip till it bleeds to stop the kissing

I wonder how much Chen Yi knows about his feelings towards Ai Di and how much in denial he is

plsss the way I didn't even recognize Ai Di in the disguise

I am now seeing how these 2 could go to jail (as students who possessed drugs?)

In his usual getup, it feels like I don't really learn Ai Di's face because my eyes are more drawn to the other more colourful aspects but now, I can kinda see his face and acting more? idk if this makes any sense

Ruei running off in the heavy rain to get to Zongyi? Who could've guessed?

i love this wound-tending scene a lot because it's like Zongyi calling Ruei by his full name and telling him to leave and not make him like him anymore vs Ruei telling Zongyi to shut up and physically manhandling him and tending to his wound. it's a good push and pull scene with great tension

agh will they actually kiss? idek

Ep 7 (May 15)

I love how it transitions from eager Ruei pulling Zongyi to the wound tending while Zongyi resists -> eager Zongyi going for a kiss while Ruei resists, not that he resists for too long, it's like a slight push and then he's kissing back

i loveeee a younger top character

omg shirts off? Ruei you're going quite far with your underage lover!

"Wait. Do you know how to do it?" Guttural scream.

"Yes, I checked it on the internet after I fell in love with you." "Naughty boy." hah. crazy.

long ass sex scene

but I actually really liked it, esp after Only Friends where I skipped almost all the sex scenes (except SandRay's lol). idk like it wasn't a Super Sweet scene, it was still meant to be pretty hot and attractive but it was slow which I think is something quite important to me lol i dislike watching sex scenes that feel too erratic in the name of passion. anyway, this was a pleasant surprise because I think I've heard more about the side ship for this show

omg are they insinuating that Zongyi was too rough or something?

pinky promise to get better at sex i'm gonna scream overly eager inexperienced virgin top, my most beloved trope

a few viki comments surprised that Zongyi topped like no way you're surprised at this? I realized in like ep 1 and it did raise my eyebrows a bit because i thought yknow the gangster but the BL tropes are pretty aligned for top Zongyi/bottom Ruei

oh fun Zongyi purchased anti-inflammatory cream for ig Ruei's back pain or whatever, he cares and is cute

i don't like this kiss scene though it's more edited

his father and sister here at this ill-opportune time, pls

not them all going to Ruei's house

anyway, wild that he left Zongyi initially because knowing them could put him in danger and now he's bringing the whole family over to his place lol

not the younger sister trying to steal her brother's man lmfao anyway I can't even laugh at her proposition because she's 16 because this man fucked a 17 year old

I'm kinda worried the dad's gonna find out or something

he's an illegitimate son of the Fan family

idk why this trauma sharing scene isn't really hitting for me like it feels somewhat artificial? or maybe it's because i'm nervous the dad is gonna suddenly appear

oof the MODC characters. if i was more of a fan of them, i would've been losing my mind and been devastated (Edit: okay apparently mans was saying it to somebody who's not the onscreen partner)

okayyyyy the sister did indeed see

but she's smiling so it's hopefully fine idk

okay indeed those brain pills are drugs

i really thought the drugs would be how they end up in jail, girl we're nearing the end of ep 7 when will they go to jail and when will they come outtttt

but damn, the drugs thing got settled off-screen? no way, right? Too fast and easy

Ai Di third wheeling

Zongyi holding down Ruei's hands above his head oof he would not be able to overpower Ruei's built ass but it's a fun pretense

Little Red Riding Hood Ai Di

spinning into Chen Yi's arms while in his little fit plsss hilarious

Fave Scene: The kissing and allusion to sex scene at the of the ep

Some more explanation about the scene because the translations could use some work

Man, people on the on-air thread were being said after watching ep 8 bc it apparently leaked early... would people gif it and would I be spoiled for it if I looked for ep 7 gifs rn? hmmm ig I'll take the chance lol

Ep 8 (May 16)

I think this is the episode where Ruei loses his memories maybe? But I also got spoiled last night that apparently Ruei's just pretending lol

so that's a fun/friendly pic of Zhang Teng and Ruei together... they're not the Fan family, right? like Zhang Teng isn't the young brother mans? bc he seems too random guy, not important enough to be the Fan family heir

lesbian marriage!!!!!!

gay husbands and lesbian wives saying hi to each other lmfao

but it's also so on the nose, you guys justtt started dating lmfao and i don't think Zongyi can even get married yet? lmfao

ohhh I see, May 2019, Taiwan legalized same-sex marriage, that's why they're showcasing this

kissing in public on the busy streets, feels like it never happens in BLs for obvious reasons but it's nice

okay Zhang Teng isn't related to the Fan family probably because Ai Di and Chen Yi are learning about his family's history

damn, we're just being dropping into Zongyi and Ruei being chased?

oh lol they weren't friends even in that photo and they had different bosses then too

Why does it lowkey seem like Zhang Teng had a crush on Ruei or something lmfao

Ruei injured and Zongyi's dad injured at the same time, damn

boss gonna offer him money for his dad? in exchange of...

damn, Ruei straight up killed Zhang Teng

omg, they want Zongyi to take the fall for killing Zhang Teng :0 in exchange for his dad's heart transplant, crazy

biting finger

they're so speedy with it, talking about thinking of the bite mark as a ring lol

damn, that's it, straight to jail. 4 years for murder is quite small but maybe they played the minor card + self-defence?

girl what, somebody was waiting in the jail cell with a chair to hit Zongyi? lmfao is this how we get the possibly double amnesia pls

Okay, there's a bonus ep for this or something but I kinda just skimmed it. it kinda seems like it would've been useful info for the show tbh because it gives more info on wtf was going on with Zhang Teng and Ruei's interactions with him but oh well. The MODC actors in the last scene with one of them dying tho, oof

Anyway, the relationship was going really fast in the past 2 eps (legit like 1.5 eps) and they're so committed considering they've barely started dating and how young Zongyi is. And also, the Zhang Teng or gang stuff really isn't well-defined to me and the stuff that happened this ep was quick without understanding anything, though Ig you get some background in the bonus ep but why is it not in the main story? Anyway, idk, I'm not looking forward to amnesia, fake or not. I'm hoping to more Ai Di and Chen Yi too.

Ep 9 (May 16)

Ruei amnesia

not him (the younger heir?) throwing Zongyi's admission letter away

Ai Di/Chen Yi drunk kissing (well Ai Di's not drunk)

Ai Di grasping Chen Yi by the throat

don't suddenly say "we are brothers" in the middle of taking clothes off please

fade to black

"What did I do? You're gonna kill me when you wake up" after having sex with their drunk love interest, really is very top/seme-coded of Ai Di + the dressed and up Ai Di parallels top Zongyi while undressed in bed Chen Yi parallels Ruei but people didn't yet know that Ai Di tops, right?

damn, Fan family doing too much, why'd they wanna injure Zongyi when mans already took the fall for their Ruei bruh. so that's why Ai Di goes in, to protect him

and 4 years pass just like that

even more into the Chen Yi manhandling Ai Di this time around

damn, Ai Di negotiated with the Boss to leave the gang if he went to prison 4 years ago

Chen Yi preparing spicy ass food for Ai Di's welcome home meal, my food as love language ahhhh

Ai Di aghhh so callous in order to hide his feelings. "You can do it to me and we're even" and the taunting

okay I guess we're not doing the double amnesia thing, nice, at least I have that.

Zongyi's dad asking it Ruei's contacted him and hearing that he's lost his memory

oof, Zongyi has so much faith while his father has none about Ruei coming back for Zongyi

oh, Zongyi's brain damage causes short-term memory loss... that's the amnesia aspect for him

Ai Di's blond again heh

I loved all the Ai Di/Chen Yi this ep, hope we get loads of them in the 4 eps left pls pls pls pls pls

ah, I hadn't noticed Ai Di's tear falling on Chen Yi's face omg </3

Also, I don't tend to watch the Behinds but this ep's one gave some good info like Chen Yi at first didn't know it was Ai Di (which I got based on him shushing Ai Di and saying Ai Di's gonna be mad if he hears) but thought he realized soon after but apparently Chen Yi didn't know it was Ai Di until the tears came down. And the heart-wrenching emotions Ai Di's going through because he knows it's the first time they're doing this but it's also the last time and they're not gonna meet again

Fave Scene: The Ai Di/Chen Yi scene. I wasn't as into the sexiness of it like the Zongyi/Ruei one. This one was more about the psychological warfare, drunk Chen Yi, their emotions and confusion, the tears, Ai Di topping (off-screen), Ai Di's hands around Chen Yi's throat a few times, etc. the devastation of it all when Ai Di pretends it was all nothing.

Ep 10 (May 16)

Until last episode, I was more into the main couple despite liking Ai Di and Chen Yi's storyline as well. But now, suddenly idc about the main couple, I just want my Ai Di/Chen Yi.

Also, does this show have plot... what is actually happening and why?

oh baker Zongyi

is that Plus and Minus side couple? laundromat owner?? bar worker???? did one of them have a child??

oof, Ai Di thwarting Chen Yi's move to kiss

Chen Yi's not letting up ahh

damn, I thought Ruei came or something, why'd they shoot it like that before moving away before?

omg their meeting

but also Ruei's strength omg, he's having to pretend that he doesn't know Zongyi and that it doesn't do anything for him after 4 years of not seeing him

now why'd that guy guide Ruei by his waist and make Zongyi thing they're dating >:(

hehehehhe more Ai Di/Chen Yi to come

Chen Yi princess carrying Ai Di and the situation being startling that Ai Di doesn't start complaining until a few seconds in

aghhh Ai Di resisting but Chen Yi being like I know you enough to know you pick your fingers when you lie <33 dubcon/coersion <33

Ai Di escaping but telling Chen Yi to get a doctor to treat his wound before running away, heh

ah, so the other guy knew that Ruei's faking it. and Ruei outside Zongyi's house T.T

who is this? is this the female friend among their high school trio?

a cat :D

Ai Di bothering Zongyi and wanting him to say/confirm that he also thinks Chen Yi likes Ai Di lmfao

ah, the guy told Zongyi that Ruei's amnesia is fake

3 more eps left

Ep 11 (May 16)

I get Zongyi's father's disapproval after everything but Zongyi' now 21, no longer 17, and also has been to literal prison for 4 years, I believe he can think and make his own choices

they're meeting again

damn, Ruei remember the exact number of days they've been apart: 1573 days

I really like how often and how casual Zongyi and Ruei kiss, I'm always on my beloved casual pecks agenda

lmfaooo Chen Yi sending Ai Di a pillow with his face on it + his autograph, he's hilarious

akl;sdfjl;kadjfs Chen Yi wasn't taunting Ai Di, he was trying to make a genuine gesture, he literally gave to Ai Di what their other gangster lackey friend gave to his girlfriend. also lmfao the gf wanting a life-sized one, i'm sure she's having fun with it

the Fan grandfather coming to visit Zongyi's cafe...

Zongyi making an enemy out of the grandfather, would he do something...

damn, the friend knew her high school friend was fucking the substitute teacher and was just like lol yeah cute. fine in this series but that's crazy to not have any concerns lol

no but what is the girl hiding, I hope she's not evil too?! That'll be 2 high school female classmates who are evil and only Zongyi's sister will a regular good female character

I lowkey don't care that much about Ruei's place in the Fan family, where the hell is my Ai Di/Chen Yi scene?

is that Ai Di with his knife to Chen Yi's throat or somebody else?

Ep 12 (May 17)

girl it’s 1:30am and im sleepy as hell in bed but i wanna watch ai do and chen yi so i’m on my ipad now

i feel bad wanting chen yi ai di scenes because zongyi/ruei are literally cute and likeable

excited Ai Di at the knife gift before getting mad

omgggg Chen Yi finally going to celebrate their birthday together when Ai Di was at prison

the dog tag?

oh, Ai Di’s bday presents for Chen Yi

hah… nice…

I went to sleep after the Ai Di/Chen Yi thing and also didn't type much because I was too busy watching lol

okay lemme rewatch that part again, including the convo beforehand

this feels like another cameo

what is up with the classmate aghhhh is this gonna be the ep 13 conflict or whatever

happy Ai Di swinging his sleeves around every which way heh

GIRL WHAT?!?! A GUN?! this is vegaspete-esque

oh the cameo was Plus and Minus main cp? girl the way i didn't even recognize them despite being like hm one guy seems kinda familiar, goes to show how much i didn't gaf. at least i recognized the 2nd couple during their cameo lol but that was 100% because of the long-haired guy

Ep 13 (May 17)

Just a 30-minute episode left but I was pretty busy today, so I'm finally getting to it toward the evening. I still haven't watched the part where Ai Di says so what if I'm short? or something like that which I saw in a tiktok, so I hope it's in this ep? hehe

Boss sent somebody to shoot Chen Yi? be serious

I literally do not give a fuck about this conversation or boss and his guy, show me Chen Yi and Ai Di together right nowwwwww. girl i'm skipping through this old man romance convo bc unfortunately i don't care despite it being a trope i feel like i would like

Ai Di loveeeees to grab Chen Yi's throat <3

heh, i see the short comment came from here. i'm so :( they're so good man

ah, the girl

stabbing

ah, Zhang Teng was talking to his sister that time

I mean she's right "You dare to do it but not bear the consequences. You're a bastard" which I can't argue with lol but Zhang Teng was a fucker so oh well

i'm pretty sure he doesn't die because i would've heard about another MODC scenario lol

Ai Di in a new collar, yay !

Aw, I actually do like Zongyi/Ruei, it's just that Ai Di/Chen Yi are crazy so I'm more drawn to them

Ai Di in the collar and Chen Yi with the dog tag Ai Di gifted him idk why it makes me feel fucking insane

Ai Di being like you must let me die first because I'll go crazy. you however are more normal so if I were to die first, you'll get through it.

omg I wrote some stuff on my phone here but it was also open on my laptop and so it overrode and i lost it all D: let me try to remember what I wrote

had to watch this last part on my ipad

Zongyi bringing Ruei to his home and the acceptance of his father was very sweet and endearing

I fucking love ChenAi scenes, my toes curl every time I watch them make out lol and I watch their scenes like this -> :)

they both have pillows with their bodes waist-up

last scene of the show pre-credits is ChenAi, interesting

aw, proposal and engagement for Zongyi/Ruei followed by kitchen makeout heh

Overall:

The thing with these crime/mafia BLs is that often they literally have no plot. I think Manner of Death is probably the most coherent though it's more cop-show than crime show and then History 3: Trapped. But most stuff like KinnPorsche, Never Let Me Go, Pit Babe, etc. don't have a coherent plot or just focuses on the drama rather than actual plot and this show is also like that. The thing about this is that it doesn't even bother establishing anything, like okay at least Pit Babe has clear outline like Tony has child trafficking ring, we should stop this trafficking ring, and a bunch of stuff happens. Here, what even is going on? something with Zhang Teng... but the gangs and the families and the crimes are all so vague and out of sight, it's mostly just about the relationships among the backdrop.

I don't know what to rate this because the plot and storyline do not feel coherent or engaging, but I really enjoyed the characters and the couples, specifically Zongyi/Ruei in the first half and Ai Di/Chen Yi in the second half. The couples also have some fun tropes that I like (age gap with the younger guy being overly eager, the ChenAi dynamic esp the part where they both manhandle each other so much) and Ai Di is a menace, which is always enjoyable. Is it enough for the show to introduce a criminal and crime-life element but not explain or expand on it at all? I don't necessarily think so, but honestly, if I'm plagued by the couples or feel the need to rewatch certain parts, I'll increase the rating.

Might also increase the rating if I end up writing ChenAi fic because the ship feels like it should fuel my fic-writing but since it wrapped up so nicely, I don't really feel the itch to write something more. Also, I love how Chen Yi would be manhandling and carrying Ai Di around while Ai Di's often wrapping his hand around Chen Yi's neck and being sadistic lol (including the second time Ai Di had Chen Yi tied to the chair and with a bloody lip and was grasping him by the chin, ahh)

Rating: 6/10

[beepbeepinthecorner]

do you mind telling how your ocs stories go? cause their designs are amazing but i want their lore lol

(and i love your artstyle smm <33 )

You're too kind, thank you! It means a lot that you care about my oc's!! I'd be thrilled to talk about my oc lore! I'll do it below the cut, because this is going to run a little long, lol. Not as long as it was going to be (I spent 3 hours writing out an unbelievably in depth response but something wonked out and it all got deleted) but it will still be long.

Since I've posted a few different sets of oc's on this blog I'm not 100% sure which one's you're asking after, but I'll assume these guys based on context clues!

(If you meant someone else feel free to ask again, I'd love to blab about the other ones too haha)

All these characters come from a webcomic that I've been slowly (very slowly) been chipping away at for the past three years. I am waiting to publish any pages until I have a significant chunk more of it done, so unfortunately it can't be read anywhere yet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The setting is your typical kinda-but-not-really-medieval fantasy world. Magic is not yet well understood by the general population, but some adventurous few have managed to master it.

First I'll go through the characters one by one!

The angular woman in blue is Valen Turnbull, our first of two main characters. She was born and raised in the cliffside town Blackport. Ever since childhood she has been strong, brave, and dutiful. She even had a little bit of a rebellious streak, though she (mostly) grew out of it. She left home after a vicious attack from Sea Spirits sunk most of the town. She felt tremendous guilt that she couldn't do more to protect the town, despite the fact that she single-handedly kept the equivalent of a sentient hurricane at bay. The only one she told about leaving was her best friend, Darius. He wished she would stay, but in the end he understood. Everyone copes differently. There is a lot more to say about her, but frankly I cant find the heart after losing a whole paragraph to a computer glitch. X﹏X

The smiley woman in red is named Laine Feywell, and she is the second of the two main characters. As a young adult her best friend (who is unnamed but will be referred to as 'Green') left home so start his own adventuring guild, so naturally she joined him. As the Guild grew, eventually Valen joined and became fast friends with Laine. Unfortunately, the Guild was not fated to last. Out of greed Green began taking morally questionable jobs for the Guild to do, which Valen opposed. This ended in a battle, in which Laine took Valen's side and defeated the rest of the Guild. After that the Guild disbanded, and Laine and Valen continued to travel together.

I actually have an animatic about it! I'm no animator, and it's the only animatic I've ever managed to finish, but here's the link if you want to see it!

The last character I'll go over today is this scraggly and emotional man in green- Darius. Though he is only a side character in the comic, he champions my heart. I unfortunately have no good art pieces of him, only the panels from the comic he's featured in. I'll have to remedy that someday! Darius's backstory mimics Valens a good deal, since they grew up and went to school together in Blackport. Initially Darius was very shy and unsure of himself, but Valen's boldness proved infectious, and he eventually grew up to be a brave, yet scrawny man. On the day the Sea Spirits attacked Blackport, Darius tried to talk Valen into evacuating with the rest of the citizens for her own sake. Valen wouldn't have it, despite how scared she was. Darius relented, and after evacuating everyone else actually came back to help her. He chucked everything he could reach from a traveling merchants stand- which luckily happened to be selling magical curios. Eventually something he threw seemed to work, and the Spirits abated their attack.

Finally, here's various fun facts about the characters/story!

Laine and Valen eventually get married!!! They fall in love after the guild incident, and confess their feelings after another near death experience. As young adults, they're really unusually intense and kind of scary together. Thankfully they mellow out with age (somewhat lol)

The town of Blackport is actually named after the ex-general-turned-minor-god who founded it! The God is referred to as 'Lady Blackport' or 'The Lady.' She is said to still watch over and protect the town, though her temple was dragged to the bottom of the ocean by the Sea Spirits. People who believe in or follow this god are known to use exclamations such as "Oh Lady above!" or "Lady forgive me." or even "Lady Blessed."

Laine has been working to teach Valen magic over the years. While Laine mastered it a long ago, Valen has been slow to pick it up. However she is both stubborn and eager to learn, so she'll surely master it someday!

The final thing I'll mention is a little au I have of this gang. They're just a bunch of teenagers running an urban exploring youtube channel. Laine is the leader of the bunch, but prone to injury because of her over-eagerness. She also puts together the cutest outfits before delving into abandoned buildings! Valen is their cameraman and Laine's girlfriend, and though she isn't as injury prone as Laine, she's just as foolhardy and actively encourages Laine into dangerous situations. She's also on her school swim team! Darius is the relative straight-man of the group, but not by much. Rather than talking them out of exploring potentially dangerous abandoned buildings, he'll just research if they need to be concerned about asbestos or similar concerns. He is the heart-throb of the DnD club <3

Anyway, that's all I'll say I think! The post is already massive, but hey it's not everyday someone prompts me to talk about my oc's!! So thank you for that again I love you for that!!! I think I covered most of the basics of things, but if there's anything anyone wants to know do not hesitate to ask! Clearly I love to blab ahahah I'm sure this is more than you were bargaining for when you actually asked, but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Once again it was going to be longer before my computer vetoed it and deleted the whole damn post lmaooo.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[citrina-posts]

Avatar: Cultural Appreciation or Appropriation?

I love Avatar: the Last Airbender. Obviously I do, because I run a fan blog on it. But make no mistake: it is a show built upon cultural appropriation. And you know what? For the longest time, as an Asian-American kid, I never saw it that way.

There are plenty of reasons why I never realized this as a kid, but I’ve narrowed it down to a few reasons. One is that I was desperate to watch a show with characters that looked like me in it that wasn’t anime (nothing wrong with anime, it’s just not my thing). Another is that I am East Asian (I have Taiwanese and Korean ancestry) and in general, despite being the outward “bad guys”, the East Asian cultural aspects of Avatar are respected far more than South Asian, Middle Eastern, and other influences. A third is that it’s easy to dismiss the negative parts of a show you really like, so I kind of ignored the issue for a while. I’m going to explain my own perspective on these reasons, and why I think we need to have a nuanced discussion about it. This is pretty long, so if you want to keep reading, it’s under the cut.

Obviously, the leadership behind ATLA was mostly white. We all know the co-creators Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino (colloquially known as Bryke) are white. So were most of the other episodic directors and writers, like Aaron Ehasz, Lauren Montgomery, and Joaquim Dos Santos. This does not mean they were unable to treat Asian cultures with respect, and I honestly do believe that they tried their best! But it does mean they have certain blinders, certain perceptions of what is interesting and enjoyable to watch. Avatar was applauded in its time for being based mostly on Asian and Native American cultures, but one has to wonder: how much of that choice was based on actual respect for these people, and how much was based on what they considered to be “interesting”, “quirky”, or “exotic”?

The aesthetic of the show, with its bending styles based on various martial arts forms, written language all in Chinese text, and characters all decked out in the latest Han dynasty fashions, is obviously directly derivative of Asian cultures. Fine. That’s great! They hired real martial artists to copy the bending styles accurately, had an actual Chinese calligrapher do all the lettering, and clearly did their research on what clothing, hair, and makeup looked like. The animation studios were in South Korea, so Korean animators were the ones who did the work. Overall, this is looking more like appreciation for a beautiful culture, and that’s exactly what we want in a rapidly diversifying world of media.

But there’s always going to be some cherry-picking, because it’s inevitable. What’s easy to animate, what appeals to modern American audiences, and what is practical for the world all come to mind as reasons. It’s just that… they kinda lump cultures together weirdly. Song from Book 2 (that girl whose ostrich-horse Zuko steals) wears a hanbok, a traditionally Korean outfit. It’s immediately recognizable as a hanbok, and these dresses are exclusive to Korea. Are we meant to assume that this little corner of the mostly Chinese Earth Kingdom is Korea? Because otherwise, it’s just treated as another little corner of the Earth Kingdom. Korea isn’t part of China. It’s its own country with its own culture, history, and language. Other aspects of Korean culture are ignored, possibly because there wasn’t time for it, but also probably because the creators thought the hanbok was cute and therefore they could just stick it in somewhere. But this is a pretty minor issue in the grand scheme of things (super minor, compared to some other things which I will discuss later on).

It’s not the lack of research that’s the issue. It’s not even the lack of consideration. But any Asian-American can tell you: it’s all too easy for the Asian kids to get lumped together, to become pan-Asian. To become the equivalent of the Earth Kingdom, a mass of Asians without specific borders or national identities. It’s just sort of uncomfortable for someone with that experience to watch a show that does that and then gets praised for being so sensitive about it. I don’t want you to think I’m from China or Vietnam or Japan; not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because I’m not! How would a French person like to be called British? It would really piss them off. Yet this happens all the time to Asian-Americans and we are expected to go along with it. And… we kind of do, because we’ve been taught to.

1. Growing Up Asian-American

I grew up in the early to mid-2000s, the era of High School Musical and Hannah Montana and iCarly, the era of Spongebob and The Amazing World of Gumball and Fairly Odd Parents. So I didn’t really see a ton of Asian characters onscreen in popular shows (not anime) that I could talk about with my white friends at school. One exception I recall was London from Suite Life, who was hardly a role model and was mostly played up for laughs more than actual nuance. Shows for adults weren’t exactly up to par back then either, with characters like the painfully stereotypical Raj from Big Bang Theory being one of the era that comes to mind.

So I was so grateful, so happy, to see characters that looked like me in Avatar when I first watched it. Look! I could dress up as Azula for Halloween and not Mulan for the third time! Nice! I didn’t question it. These were Asian characters who actually looked Asian and did cool stuff like shoot fireballs and throw knives and were allowed to have depth and character development. This was the first reason why I never questioned this cultural appropriation. I was simply happy to get any representation at all. This is not the same for others, though.

2. My Own Biases

Obviously, one can only truly speak for what they experience in their own life. I am East Asian and that is arguably the only culture that is treated with great depth in Avatar.

I don’t speak for South Asians, but I’ve certainly seen many people criticize Guru Pathik, the only character who is explicitly South Asian (and rightly so. He’s a stereotype played up for laughs and the whole thing with chakras is in my opinion one of the biggest plotholes in the show). They’ve also discussed how Avatar: The Last Airbender lifts heavily from Hinduism (with chakras, the word Avatar itself, and the Eye of Shiva used by Combustion Man to blow things up). Others have expressed how they feel the sandbenders, who are portrayed as immoral thieves who deviously kidnap Appa for money, are a direct insult to Middle Eastern and North African cultures. People have noted that it makes no sense that a culture based on Inuit and other Native groups like the Water Tribe would become industrialized as they did in the North & South comics, since these are people that historically (and in modern day!) opposed extreme industrialization. The Air Nomads, based on the Tibetan people, are weirdly homogeneous in their Buddhist-inspired orange robes and hyperspiritual lifestyle. So too have Southeast Asians commented on the Foggy Swamp characters, whose lifestyles are made fun of as being dirty and somehow inferior. The list goes on.

These things, unlike the elaborate and highly researched elements of East Asian culture, were not treated with respect and are therefore cultural appropriation. As a kid, I had the privilege of not noticing these things. Now I do.

White privilege is real, but every person has privileges of some kind, and in this case, I was in the wrong for not realizing that. Yes, I was a kid; but it took a long time for me to see that not everyone’s culture was respected the way mine was. They weren’t considered *aesthetic* enough, and therefore weren’t worth researching and accurately portraying to the creators. It’s easy for a lot of East Asians to argue, “No! I’ve experienced racism! I’m not privileged!” News flash: I’ve experienced racism too. But I’ve also experienced privilege. If white people can take their privilege for granted, so too can other races. Shocking, I know. And I know now how my privilege blinded me to the fact that not everybody felt the same euphoria I did seeing characters that looked like them onscreen. Not if they were a narrow and offensive portrayal of their race. There are enough good-guy Asian characters that Fire Lord Ozai is allowed to be evil; but can you imagine if he was the only one?

3. What It Does Right

This is sounding really down on Avatar, which I don’t want to do. It’s a great show with a lot of fantastic themes that don’t show up a lot in kids’ media. It isn’t superficial or sugarcoating in its portrayal of the impacts of war, imperialism, colonialism, disability, and sexism, just to name a few. There are characters like Katara, a brown girl allowed to get angry but is not defined by it. There are characters like Aang, who is the complete opposite of toxic masculinity. There are characters like Toph, who is widely known as a great example of how to write a disabled character.

But all of these good things sort of masked the issues with the show. It’s easy to sweep an issue under the rug when there’s so many great things to stack on top and keep it down. Alternatively, one little problem in a show seems to make-or-break media for some people. Cancel culture is the most obvious example of this gone too far. Celebrity says one ignorant thing? Boom, cancelled. But… kind of not really, and also, they’re now terrified of saying anything at all because their apologies are mocked and their future decisions are scrutinized. It encourages a closed system of creators writing only what they know for fear of straying too far out of their lane. Avatar does do a lot of great things, and I think it would be silly and immature to say that its cultural appropriation invalidates all of these things. At the same time, this issue is an issue that should be addressed. Criticizing one part of the show doesn’t mean that the other parts of it aren’t good, or that you shouldn’t be a fan.

If Avatar’s cultural appropriation does make you uncomfortable enough to stop watching, go for it. Stop watching. No single show appeals to every single person. At the same time, if you’re a massive fan, take a sec (honestly, if you’ve made it this far, you’ve taken many secs) to check your own privilege, and think about how the blurred line between cultural appreciation (of East Asia) and appropriation (basically everybody else) formed. Is it because we as viewers were also captivated by the aesthetic and overall story, and so forgive the more problematic aspects? Is it because we’ve been conditioned so fully into never expecting rep that when we get it, we cling to it?

I’m no media critic or expert on race, cultural appropriation, or anything of the sort. I’m just an Asian-American teenager who hopes that her own opinion can be put out there into the world, and maybe resonate with someone else. I hope that it’s given you new insight into why Avatar: The Last Airbender is a show with both cultural appropriation and appreciation, and why these things coexist. Thank you for reading!

[yoon-kooks]

The Devil Writes Romance | myg

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, college!AU, fuckboy!AU, fanficwriter!Yoongi

Summary: When you’re assigned to work with Min Yoongi on a final project for your Writing Fiction course, you stumble upon the fuck boy’s secret identity as a sappy fanfic writer. With the heart and soul of an aspiring editor, you’re somehow convinced by the boy himself to help make his fictional romance more realistic and heartfelt. Before you know it, you’ve made a not-so-innocent pinky promise with the devil.

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: mentions of sex :-)

A/N: this is basically a pilot that sets up a lot of plot for a potential series so lmk if you like the idea and would continue reading it as a series! also special shoutout to @chewymoustachio​ for the love & support 💖

As spring semester comes to a close, your only goal is to make it through finals week unscathed. Like many of your fellow English majors, most of your finals are extensive papers rather than traditional exams. Normally this would not stress you out, but your Writing Fiction course has thrown a curveball your way: half of your grade is dependent on your partner, Min Yoongi.

Personally, you’ve never been a fan of partner or group projects because you always somehow end up with incompetent teammates who either do a half-assed job or ghost you until the day before it’s due. Either way, you’ve learned and become accustomed to relying only on yourself.

However, as your Writing Fiction class has taught you, a writer’s world is not built upon independence. Rather, it’s built upon the opposite. Writers depend on others for support, feedback, and revision. That’s where your final project comes on.

For your final project, everyone in your class signed up for the role of either a writer or editor, and you’ve been randomly paired up with someone who chose the opposite. It’s no secret to anyone that you dream of becoming an editor in the industry. You love the idea of reviewing other writers’ works and providing them with as much feedback and constructive criticism as possible. Naturally, you signed up to be an editor.

As fate would have it, you find yourself paired with the boy who’s pretty much slept with the entire class, including the TA, and allegedly the professor. The only person left unchecked on his list is you. Somehow, you’ve heard more gossip about his sex life than his skills as a writer, which is why you believe you’re fucked for this final.

“Hey, Partner,” Yoongi catches up with you in the hall after class. His signature cedarwood cologne is too heavy to ignore as he strides beside you. “Are you free tonight?”

“To brainstorm some story ideas?” You tilt your head and add an innocent tone to mask the skepticism. Truthfully, you know what he really wants. It’s not your first rodeo.

“I actually already have a story in mind,” he says. “But I was thinking you and I could-”

“What’s the story about?” Because you’d much rather hear about that than one of Yoongi’s many excuses to get in your pants.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” he shrugs as the two of you walk out of the building and into the beaming afternoon sun. You lift an arm to block the light out of your face, only to realize the boy’s shadow blocks it for you. Apparently, there are perks to walking with a buddy after class. “I’ll send you the draft tonight.”

“The professor literally just assigned the project and it’s not due for another week,” you raise an eyebrow. Weird, you’ve never seen a college kid so proactive and eager to get a head start on their final project. Something tells you the boy is just spouting bullshit and telling you what you want to hear. “You don’t have to rush and write all ten thousand words in a single night…”

“Well I don’t have any other plans tonight,” he says. “Unless you want to-”

“Nice try, Yoongi.” You start walking further ahead of the boy. You’re forced to squint as to not be blinded by the sun. “I guess you can have fun writing your story, then.”

“You really know how to play hard to get, Y/N…” Yoongi whines in that raspy voice of his, eliciting the tiniest smirk on your face. You might not approve of his fuck boy tendencies, but you’re also not opposed to teasing him a bit.

“If you really want to impress me, keep your word and send the draft tonight.” You spin around and wave farewell as you battle the sun. “Your editor will be waiting.”

As soon as you arrive home, you realize Yoongi isn’t the only one without any Friday night plans. With nothing to do, a large part of you hopes your partner keeps his promise so you can at least try to be productive over the weekend. But ten thousand words is a lot to write in one night. It’s more than likely that he won’t be able to pull it off.

In an attempt to wind down, you scroll through the blog feeds of your favorite writers. Many of them, such as @suga-fix and @jk-seagull, are college students like you, so you can appreciate all the time and effort they put into their craft on top of their school work. While the fan in you loves to shower them with sweet and supportive messages, the editor in you hopes to one day be able to also provide feedback on a professional level.

At the very top of your feed is a short post from @suga-fix, a romance fanfic writer whom you recently found while scouring the #jiminscenarios tag for something free of smut.

“Does anyone else struggle to ask their crush out or is it just me? Asking for a friend.”

You giggle at the innocent question. In addition to writing the sappiest Jimin fanfics, Suga is known to post snippets of his own nonexistent love life on his blog. From what you understand, he’s a boy who’s never experienced true love firsthand. Recently, however, he’s been gushing over his pretty classmate. You’re waiting for the day when he builds up enough courage and finally lands a date.

Until then, you’re satisfied with reading his ongoing fictional love story featuring the popular idol, Park Jimin, as a struggling romance novelist who finds inspiration in a skeptical wedding photographer. You absolutely adore the story, the characters, and the underlying narrative, but the editor in you can point out an area for improvement: his romance game. 

You notice the two main characters lack a certain level of chemistry to get the readers quaking and itching for more. Most of the time, the intimate scenes end with poor Jimin getting friendzoned, which certainly has its charm and humor. But truthfully, you expect a little more love from a romance fic.

You suspect that, to some extent, this is intentional as the characters are the type to dance around intimacy and have pessimistic views on romance overall. However, you also wouldn’t be surprised if Suga’s own personal inexperience with romantic scenarios is what holds him back the most.

After catching up on your socials, eating dinner, and hopping out of the shower, you sit in the darkness of your room and check one more thing before calling it a night. No email, no text, no draft from your partner. Not that you were actually expecting anything, but it would’ve been nice for the fuck boy to prove you wrong.

To be fair, you know how long and painful ten thousand words can be. If Yoongi is in fact sprinting through those ten thousand words and gets them to you by the time you wake up, you’ll consider him a man of his word.

[4:56AM] Yoongi💋 “I emailed you the thing”

[7:24AM] Y/N “Ooh, I’ll take a look 👁👁”

[7:25AM] Y/N “Btw I don’t appreciate you adding an emoji to your contact info on my phone”

After changing Yoongi’s contact name to something more appropriate, you go into your email and find the story draft that the boy had sent at exactly 4:55AM. The word count on the document says 10,382. Not too shabby, Min Yoongi.

You grab your morning caffeine and crack open your laptop to read your partner’s story on the big screen. Right away, you notice the document is titled “Untitled1” which is never a great sign, but you’re willing to forgive him if its content is stellar.

The first thing that puts a smile on your face is the main character, Jimothy. His name reminds you of your favorite idol, Jimin, with a playful touch. He’s the romance novelist who attends his friend’s wedding where he has a chance encounter with a pretty wedding photographer-

Wait. You’re pretty sure you’ve heard this story before. In fact, you know exactly where it came from. You pull up Suga’s Jimin fic and put it side-by-side against Yoongi’s version. While it’s not exactly a copy-and-paste situation, the romance novelist x wedding photographer premise is too similar for it to be a mere coincidence.

At first glance, you find it funny that Yoongi took the time to reword everything to not be caught by the plagiarism police. If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume he did a quick search of Jimin fanfiction and picked one that was moderately popular but not viral enough for anyone to notice. Jimin fanfic just so happens to be your guilty pleasure, so there’s absolutely no way you’d let a plagiarist slip one past you.

But upon further review, after digesting the entirety of the fic, you find that Yoongi’s flow and choice of words are eerily similar to Suga’s style without recycling a single line. Likewise, you notice the same lack of chemistry in both versions of the story. You suppose this can only mean one thing, and you need to confront him about it in person. Because the last thing you want is for him to ghost you like everyone else you’ve ever worked with.

[8:42AM] Y/N “I just finished looking it over”

[8:43AM] Y/N “Wanna get coffee & discuss? ☕️📖”

[8:45AM] Yoongi🐍 “Oh? I thought you weren’t interested in a date with me 🥺”

[8:46AM] Y/N “Let’s meet in about an hour at the coffeehouse on campus?”

[8:46AM] Yoongi🐍 “See ya there, my editor”

As you stir the oat milk into your second dose of caffeine for the morning, you wonder how you can bring up your suspicions in an appropriate and professional way. Should you confront him about it immediately, gently coax him in that direction, or take a more passive approach to see if he’ll mention it on his own? Because if you’re going to be this boy’s editor, you want to do it right.

“Thoughts?” Yoongi enters the chat with slightly damp hair and an iced Americano in hand. Your only thought in that moment is about how fucking good he smells, even in the presence of the rich aromas of your favorite roasted coffee beans. But you’ll leave those thoughts to yourself.

“My first thought was that you sent me a document titled Untitled1,” you say.

“I have a working title,” he assures you. “But I’m curious to hear what clever titles my editor has come up with after reading through the whole thing.”

“Pink Cheek Syndrome sounds appropriate.” Because that’s the title of Suga’s original fic. It’s also the term coined by Jimothy to describe couples who aren’t as in love as they’d like to believe. It’s a facade to fool everyone, including themselves.

“Great minds think alike after all.” Yoongi leans in to give you a high-five, but you just throw a balled up napkin at his palm. Confess. Just confess already.

“Can I ask what inspired the concept?” You bite your lip. “You don’t strike me as the romantic type.”

“Don’t you ever feel like people get into relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship?”

“Yeah.” All the time, in fact.

“It’s pretty shallow if you ask me,” he says with a nonchalant chuckle, as if he’s not the shallowest person on campus when it comes to established relationships. “PCS is just a commentary on people like that vs people like you and me.”

You and him? You’re not sure you have anything in common with someone who breaks hearts and sleeps around so casually.

“Sounds like something a fanfic writer would come up with.” Because it is.

“Sounds like something a fanfic reader would say,” he throws back at you.

“In fact, there’s a Jimin fanfic I read once called Pink Cheek Syndrome,” you say. The dose of coffee moving up Yoongi’s straw suddenly freezes. “You’re the original writer, right?”

He swallows hard and raises an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”

“The writing style matches even though you didn’t copy and paste,” you scroll back through Yoongi’s version for reference. “And besides, scrambling to write ten thousand words in one night is typical fanfic writer behavior. A true plagiarist doesn’t know what it means to put those hours in.”

“Nothing gets past your sharp eyes, huh, Y/N…” Yoongi sighs, failing to hide behind his Americano. “I’m equally impressed as I am scared.”

“Wait, so you’re really Suga?” Your eyes widen. Suddenly you’re overcome by a wave of emotions. Excited, nervous, star-struck. But most of all? Confused. “How?”

“Just don’t tell anyone.” He picks up his phone and starts typing away at something.

“I won’t,” you say, also pulling out your phone to check up on the @suga-fix blog. Sure enough, there’s a stream of several new posts from a few seconds ago.

“fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK”

“I feel so exposed 😔”

“Quick, everyone act like this isn’t a fanfic blog.”

“We can pretend to be like a porn blog or smth”

“I can read everything you’re posting, you know.” You show your blog feed to Yoongi, who’s still busy keysmashing. When he finally glances up from his screen to yours, the look on his face is both flattered and distressed.

“You follow me, too?” The boy takes a long sip of his Americano, shifting his beady little eyes and plotting his next move. “What’s your URL?”

“You’re totally going to block me,” you frown. “I already told you, I’m not going to tell anyone…”

As you continue to scroll through Yoongi’s blog, you notice his post is gone from the day before. Perhaps that’s what the boy is desperately trying to hide.

“By the way, is it true that Min Yoongi, resident fuck boy, has a crush on someone?” You get excited because that’s not something you hear everyday. In regards to Yoongi, it’s always been sex, sex, and more sex. He’s notorious around campus for having one-night stands and breaking hearts the morning after. You’d never imagine a boy like him having an innocent crush on anyone.

“Where’d you hear that?” The boy across from you gradually sinks deeper and deeper into his seat every time you open your mouth to expose him further.

“You made a post yesterday about not being able to talk to your crush properly,” you giggle. “It was kind of cute.”

“I was talking about my friend.”

“You can’t fool me, Yoongi. I’m not that oblivious.” You take a sassy sip of your coffee and lean forward. “So who’s your crush? Is it someone in our class?”

“Don’t worry about it, Y/N,” he shoos you away and slides a hard copy of his draft in your direction. “Let’s not get distracted from why we’re really here.”

“Hold it, I’m not just being nosy for the gossip, you know,” you say. “From an editor’s perspective, I think the romance in your story could benefit from you interacting more with your crush.”

For a moment, Yoongi just gives you a look. You can see the wheels spinning in his head. “Well, that person doesn’t seem very interested in me, so…”

“Unrequited love?” you gasp. The plot thickens.

“Yeah,” he chuckles at your enthusiasm. “But you did give me an idea just now.”

You examine his handsome face for a hint of what’s to come. His signature Fuck Boy Smirk tells you he’s up to no good again. “I’m listening.”

“You’re my editor, right?” he asks. You nod. “And your main critique is that I should up my romance game, right?”

You nod again.

“What if you help me make the romance scenes more believable and realistic?” The boy watches as you blink your wide eyes, stunned at his suggestion. You know he doesn’t just mean that from an editorial standpoint. Surely there’s an ulterior motive here. “And before you jump to any conclusions, no, this does not include sex.”

Oh.

You’re reminded that Yoongi doesn’t write smut, despite how much of a fuck boy he is in real life. Because you’re sure he has the capability and personal experience to write some steamy and wild sex scenes. And yet, he chooses to focus on hardcore romance instead, something he himself is much less familiar with. It’s mind-blowing to think that a boy as experienced in bed as Yoongi could be so inexperienced elsewhere.

Why does he write the opposite of how he lives?

“I don’t think that’s how editors work,” you finally respond to Yoongi’s proposal, flipping through his draft and writing in the margins. You have to admit, the boy has a gift. His stories would no doubt skyrocket in popularity if the lovey-dovey scenes could draw out true, raw emotions as though you were there living in those moments. As a reader, you want him to pull at your heartstrings, smash your heart into a million pieces, and slowly put it back together. All of that can be achieved if the writer gets some hands-on experience in the love department. “But I get what you’re saying.”

“So is that a yes or a no?” He sips down the rest of his Americano as you continue to think your decision through.

Given what you know about Yoongi’s track record as a fuck boy, you’re hesitant. But at the same time, the ambitious editor in you knows what you want.

“It’s a yes,” you sigh. “But only if you promise me a few things.”

“Go on.”

“One, you’ll come to me if you’re struggling and need suggestions, advice, or someone to talk to.”

“Easy. You can be my editor-in-chief.”

“Two, if anyone asks, we aren’t dating.”

“Got it.”

“Three, help me study and prepare for the rest of my finals.”

“We can have study dates.”

“And lastly, please don’t sleep with anyone else while we’re doing this thing. Because that would be awkward.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you were the possessive type, Y/N,” he smirks.

“Not trying to be That Controlling Bitch who forbids you from sleeping around, but I think it would defeat the purpose of what we’re trying to accomplish.”

“But what if this goes on for a while?” Yoongi strokes his imaginary Santa beard. “You expect me to practice abstinence forever?”

“It won’t go on forever, Yoongi,” you giggle at the boy’s silly remark. “Because eventually, you’ll find someone who can bring out those romantic feelings better than our faux intimacy ever will.”

“But you’ll still be my editor-in-chief?”

“If everything works out, then I don’t see why not.” You want to be optimistic about a long-term deal, but you can’t seem to rid yourself of the doubt stuck in the back of your mind. Because humans, not just fuck boys like Yoongi, seem to have a hard time keeping their promises. “I only ask that you don’t break my trust.”

Before responding, the boy meets his eyes with yours. You suppose tender eye contact is a skill he acquired from his flirty lifestyle. You, on the other hand, blink away. Eye contact longer than a glance has always made you feel vulnerable.

“I won’t, Y/N,” he says, coating his raspy voice with a layer of honey. It’s almost as intoxicating as his cedarwood cologne, but that’s another thought you’ll keep to yourself.

You watch as he slides his pinky into view, over the draft and coffees to make it official. After cracking a smile at his childish gesture, you wrap your pinky around his, thus marking the beginning of your deal with the devil.

[kemvee]

@elffyness: a response

Edit: Elffyness have since changed their url to @bluhawke. I think it's important this event, and the fact they never apologised for the harm caused, isn't lost. Therefore I have updated accordingly.

This blog is my bedroom wall. 

Since I was oh, twelve, on my bedroom wall I have had pictures of mostly fictional men. Dante, Goku, Tidus, The Goblin King played by David Bowie. As I got older it was no longer socially acceptable to have pictures of my current fictional loves on display but then last year a wonderful friend recommended Tumblr and I joined. Here finally I can express my current love of Cullen Rutherford with like minded folk. I am happy. 

But @elffyness has made a call out post. I haven't once interacted with this person, I am blocked so this is a little like seeing ‘We are cool, Kemvee drools’ on a school toilet wall but thanks to some apparent mutuals I have been able to see it. 

I think a right of response is fair. I have put some thought into this and I speak from the heart and some of you may not like what I have to say.

First let me say that I think it’s careless and honestly a little crass to bundle these two issues in together. The sexualisation of a fictional character is not and never will be on the same billet as institutionalised racism to that end I will address these issues separately.

Sexualization of fictional Characters.

The sexualization of Cullen or indeed any fictional characters is not only the realm of white content creators. And I have to vehemently oppose the insinuation presented by @elffyness that it is. I can't tell you how many times I’ve seen reference to Cullen getting a strap across the blogs of some of the biggest names in the fandom, creators who are POC. You know who they are. I won’t ‘call them out’ because I don’t find it problematic. And if I did I would drop them a message.

The Smut Coven *le gasp* is 4 people. We support each other's creative endeavors and help each other through real life hardships. It is not ‘a place where we sexualize Dragon Age Characters’ smh. The one story we have written was a reader pov and little bit of escapism during, you know the world burning around us and the misery of Lockdown. And I would like to highlight that we kept ‘readers’ characteristics neutral. It is an inclusive story just as accessible to POC as white women.

As for my own content. Do I sexualize Cullen? You are damn right I do.

That man is my current hyperfixation and I love him to little squishy bits. But sexualizing a character rarely means we, his fans, gloss over his past. Except in certain fluffy AUs where it’s just not relevant, nor is it mutually exclusive to more wholesome forms of love.

I have drawn Cullen’s butt, I am also trying to illustrate my latest story’s more ‘spicy’ scenes as a stretch goal for my art journey... I have also drawn him playing a guitar, sewing a shirt and on a nintendo switch. I always put my nsfw content below cuts and my blog is 18+. If you don’t like seeing Cullen’s butt you literally don’t have to see it.

For my own long fics NOT ONCE have I ever glossed over Cullen's trauma. It’s always is a recurring theme that spans the entirety of the story. But you don't know that because you’ve never read my works have you? I can go into more detail about how and why I discuss this in each of my stories but I won’t now.

Speaking from personal experience people need to STOP assuming every response to trauma is to regress into a virginal like state. To think otherwise is naive, inaccurate and also does a disservice to victims of sexual assault. To those of you who do believe this antiquated response is accurate, I suggest you do better to educate yourselves, it is not for the victims to educate you. 

Please stop perpetuating the idea that we can’t enjoy a sexually active Cullen. You are trying to police peoples thoughts and it is not a good look.

Racism in the fandom

Do better.

I have seen this time and time again and I agree wholeheartedly. We all need to do better especially when we see racist language, marginalization or white washing. I myself blocked several such artists and take care to re-read posts to ensure I’m not causing offence with my carelessness.

In school in the UK we are made to reflect on slavery and have discussions about institutional racism when we get to sixth form. It’s not enough but we are trying to do better.

For this reason long before I saw this message splayed across Tumblr I have taken the time to correct family members if they have fallen short. You should have heard the talking to I gave my dad when I told him I was dating an Indian man and he let his prejudice show. Two months ago I made my own mother cry when i came down a little too hard on her when she repeated some nonsense about BAME and the Coronovirus.

I am aware of and consider myself the beneficiary of white privilege. I still worry about it. I worry that my mixed-race (not white presenting) children will have to endure hardships I didn't have to face. That our foreign sounding surname will make it difficult for them to have the same opportunities as me. When my husband talks about the racism he experienced as a child and I fear for their physical safety.

And so I strive to do better in my life, so I know the world my children will grow up in will be better. And I am proud as a mother hen to those of you who have taken up the baton to fight against racism in the Dragon Age fandom.

But of course you don’t know about this. Because I like to keep my private life and thoughts private. Because this isn’t a ‘personal’ blog or my new Facebook. Because I haven't reblogged post after post about this issue. Because I can say with a complete certainty that I am an ally, just not a performative one.

This is my bedroom wall. 

If you disagree with me then my asks, including anons are on. I’ll reply to polite questions because I try to live my life kindly. But honestly look at my blog. It’s 99.99% Cullen and if this is going to be problematic for you then it is probably better if you just block me and move on. 

Please keep safe during the pandemic. Please keep fighting for equality however you can and if you can’t that’s okay too, you probably have enough going on. I’m not here to judge or throw stones.

Love to you all. 

Yes even @elffyness x

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Leave No One Behind Ch8: Of Fireflies And Men

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: It’s the morning after the night before, and Ari and Hannah start to wonder just how they’re going to keep their reconciliation under-wraps. Especially when Ari is fighting to keep his possessive, jealous streak under control…

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW no under18s)

Episode Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Song for Episode:  Africa by Toto 

A/N: Yes, we know this song isn’t from 1980 but we don’t care. It fit the aesthetic so run with it…the amount of other plot holes from this film we’ve fixed, we think we’re allowed this one! As always, we love to hear your thoughts and comments so hit us with a re-blog and leave a review!

Series Master List  //  Main Masterlist 

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do. I bless the rains down in Africa. Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

Ari blinked. Something had woken him up. Something that was tickling his nose. It took him a few seconds but once his mind had stirred itself into something resembling consciousness, he realised that Simon was curled up around his head on his pillow, the animal’s tail laying straight across his face.

What the fuck is the fucking dog doing on my fucking bed?

And then he remembered, he wasn’t in his bed.

Ari grinned as the memory of the previous nights activities came flooding back and with a stretch, he unceremoniously shoved Simon out of the way. The dog gave a huff at the disturbance then, in what Ari assumed was retaliation, stood up and walked down his chest. Ari gave a hiss and a curse as Simon’s nails scratched him slightly (yup, definite revenge for moving him) before he reached the spot by Ari’s feet, giving him a filthy look. Ari raised an eyebrow at the dog and gave a scoff before he turned to look at Hannah who was lay on her side facing him. It wasn’t quite daylight outside- clearly very early morning, but in the dim light he could see her long hair had fallen slightly over her face. He smiled to himself as he reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. She stirred a little at his touch, wrinkling her nose slightly and taking a deep breath. Ari settled down on his side and slipped an arm under her neck to pull her closer. She moved again, mumbling something that he didn’t quite catch.

“It’s early Firefly, go back to sleep” Ari’s own voice was groggy as he kissed her head and closed his eyes, quite happy to just bask there, feeling her skin pressed against his. It was deadly silent, there were no sounds from outside bar the ocean. Ari’s mind began to stray, wondering to himself what time it actually was, trying to figure out how long he could actually stay there before he ran the risk of getting caught heading back to his own hut. But… would it really be that terrible if they did get caught?  It would certainly get it over and done with and avoid them having to sneak around like a pair of naughty teenagers. But, as soon as he had thought that he realised that despite what he felt, he couldn’t and wouldn’t put Hannah under that kind of pressure with Sammy, not yet. She had to decide how and when they told everyone. Ari must have dozed off for a little longer as the next thing he knew, he was coming back round to Hannah gently kissing along his jaw line, her lips ghosting over his beard. He sighed.

“Morning Firefly”

“Buenos dias, Mi lobo.” She replied, and he felt her lips curl into a smile against the whiskers that adorned his face, an action he mimicked. Because that Spanish phrase he did know, he’d heard it enough once upon a time. And fuck, the sound of her voice, gravelly with un-use due to sleep…

“I missed that.” He murmured with a satisfied sigh, eyes still closed

“What?” Hannah questioned.

“Your sexy Spanish accent.”

“I wasn’t aware I lost it.” She quipped back.

Ari cracked one eye open and looked at her “Don’t be an ass, Han, you know what I mean.”

Hannah pulled back and propped herself up on her elbow, looking at him. “Did you just call me an ass”

“It suits you.” Ari grinned cheekily, his hand wandering down under the covers and he giving a slap to one of her butt cheeks. Hannah squealed a little and jumped.

“Oww! Ari you little shit!”

She went to hit his chest and Ari started laughing, the two of them giggling like a pair of school kids as he deflected the playful attempts she was now making to cuff him round the head or wherever else she could hit him, until he grabbed her wrists and flipped them both, pinning her to the mattress, arms held above her head.  At that point he stopped dead as a low rumble came from the bottom of the bed. Simon was growling.

“Shhhhh, Simon, shut up!” Hannah chastised him, glancing down.

“When did he get so protective?” Ari looked at her.

“He’s always been like that, you just weren’t paying attention.” Hannah looked back at him “He nearly bit Jake a couple of times when you were away.”

Ari felt a flash of annoyance at what exactly that meant and his hands tightened slightly around her wrists. “What did that beach fuckboy do to upset the dog?” he asked.

Hannah arched an eyebrow at his sudden darkening demeanour, choosing to ignore it. “Nothing much, he only threw his arm round my shoulder, but Simon went mad. Looked like Sammy.”

Ari said nothing, just looked at her. Hannah could see he was fighting with something. She was well aware how possessive he could be, not that she gave a shit, she had always been able to work it to her advantage.

“He better keep his hands to himself.” Ari grumbled.

“Now who’s being territorial?” Hannah looked at him.

At that, Ari suddenly became aware of the tightening grip he had on her wrists and loosened his fingers a little, dropping his head. ”I know, I know, sorry.

“Well, you fucked me good last night and Simon didn’t seem to care so I wouldn’t worry.” Hannah teased “Clearly he recognises you as the alpha.”

Ari looked at her, all of a sudden painfully aware that he was on top of her, both of them naked, and it’s was getting him very aroused.

“Damned straight I am.” he whispered, rolling his hips and rocking up against her, causing her breath to catch a little.

“Yes.” she replied, a little moan slipping from her lips as he rocked again “Yes, you are…”

Ari’s mouth pressed to hers in a searing kiss as his hands slid up her arms, lacing his fingers through hers, keeping her hands pressed into the pillow at either side of her head. His lips strayed here and there, kissing the corners of her mouth or dipping down to her jaw and neck but always making their way back, claiming her mouth as his own, his tongue gently brushing against hers with none of the urgency of the night before. Hannah let out a sigh, as the arousal between her legs was growing with every second, and when his lips caressed the spot under her ear, the sensation made her whole body burn. She let out a low keen and his lips returned to hers, a moan of his own slipping into her mouth.

His fingers flexed slightly against hers as he pushed himself up slightly and down, his lips trailing the path down her sternum before he gently licked around the curve of her breast. The softness of his lips was creating a soothing contrast to the scratch of that fucking beard Hannah loved so damned much and as he sucked at her nipple, she groaned loudly, rolling her head back on the pillow at the sensation, her hips bucking upwards, pressing against him.

“Fuck, Firefly…” he seethed out, making her grin. He was rock hard now and fucking aching to be buried inside her. He moved his head to nuzzle at her neck with his nose again, his tongue tracing a path from her collar bone to her ear, his teeth nipping at her skin before he used his thighs to part hers even more. He lined himself up, and without taking his eyes off hers he pushed into her, causing Hannah to release a shuddering gasp. Above her, Ari his head dropped once he was fully seated, his arms shaking slightly as he dropped down to his elbows, his hands tightening around hers.

After a moment or two he started moving his hips, slowly, Hannah’s name falling from his mouth and, as she met the movement of his hips with hers she couldn’t help but sigh his name herself, his eyes still locked on hers and she felt her chest swell as she saw he was looking at her with the same need and want she’d seen the night before. His blue eyes had turned to midnight, his expression intense and focused entirely on her.

“God, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he whispered as he picked up his pace, burying his face into her neck. Hannah gently grazed his ear with her lips, every inch of their bodies pressed as close as they could get. The air was punctuated with breathy cries, moans and groans and when Hannah tipped her hips up again, Ari brought his lips back to hers plunging his tongue into her mouth. He could tell from the way her breathing was growing shallower and how her entire body was trembling that she was close. He pushed deeper, rolling his hips as opposed to thrusting and she let out a loud, broken, shaky cry of his name as her legs grew rigid. The heat in her belly exploded and she could hear nothing but the blood pumping in her ears as she succumbed to her orgasm, her entire body feeling like it was floating as she could feel nothing but the wave of pure pleasure as it washed over her.

“Shit, Firefly…” Ari’s breath was ragged as he thrust through, the feeling of her as she tightened around him again and again was heaven and he picked up his pace, chasing his own end.

As the world righted itself around her finally, Hannah tilted her face round so her nose brushed against his and she whispered to him softly.

“Let me see you…”

He groaned again, but pulled his head up and she locked her eyes on to his as he bit his bottom lip, eyes fluttering shut as his rhythm stuttered. He let out a groan and his fingers tightened around hers as he came. Hannah let out a gasp at the feeling and he pitched forward to bury his face into her hair, his body slumped on top of hers, his full weight resting on her as he came down from his high.

Hannah wriggled her hands free of his as her heart pounded with pride and affection and her own pleasure as she ran her fingers through his hair and down his back, pressing soft kisses around his temple. As they lay there in silence, Hannah’s hands trailing softly up and down his spine, Ari knew he could happily stay there all day, just laying with her, but he knew that wasn’t an option. Shifting slightly, he moved so he was propped up on his elbows and dipped his head to kiss her softly.

“I should go before someone busts us.” He said, resting his head against hers.

“Would it be that bad if they did?” Hannah replied, almost a little wistfully

That surprised Ari a little. He pulled back to look at her. “Not to me.” He shook his head. “I don’t care. I’d tell the entire damned world Firefly, but I’m thinking of you.”

Hannah sighed as she weighed up the various scenarios, all of them ending in the same way- Sammy’s inevitable melt down.

Ari gently cupped her face in his large hands “Listen, sweetheart. It’s up to you. Tell me what you wanna do and how you wanna do it. I’ve got you.”

Hannah looked at him, choking up a little, and suddenly, those 3 little words flashed into her brain. Thankfully to her, before her mouth could blurt them out they were startled by voices on the beach. They both paused, listening, and then letting out a little sigh of relief as they realised it wasn’t any of the team, just a few of the guests. It was still early but Hannah remembered the tourists were leaving today so they probably want to catch one last sunrise over the bay.

“I have to go before it’s too late.” Ari said again, his voice laced with apology. Hannah nodded, but he could tell she was conflicted. Deciding not to make it any worse he pulled out of her, gave her another soft kiss and untangled himself from the covers. As he stood up and located his shorts, he could feel Hannah’s eyes on him. He felt like shit, he really did, and this wasn’t helped when once he had pulled his shorts up, he turned to see her sat up in the bed, all doe eyes and flushed cheeks, the sheets held to her chest, hair spilling messily round her shoulders.

Fuck, he really, really didn’t want to go.

He leaned over, grabbed her face in both his hands and kissed her, hard, his lips working against hers, tongue once more sweeping around the roof of her mouth, leaving her breathless. With a groan he pulled away, running his nose against hers.

“If I don’t leave now, I’m never leaving…” he sighed.

“It’s ok.” Hannah assured him “Go, I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Ari stood up straight and headed for the door, his hand reached for the handle and he looked over his shoulder at her as she lay back in the bed. Hannah watched him as he opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again before he gave her a soft smile and turned, opening the door a crack. He poked his head out, checked the coast was clear and in a flash he was gone.  

Hannah lay still, just basking in the stillness of the morning, smiling to herself until the voices outside started to get louder, more and more people gathering on the beach. Simon started making a fuss to go out so with a sigh she climbed out of bed, grabbed Ari’s t-shirt which he had forgotten about, and slipped it on, his smell washing over her. She walked to the door and let Simon out, knowing he would go take a pee in his usual spot by the rocks on the shore and then, once he had said hello to the guests and received his usual fuss and loves, he would make his way up to the main area to find food. With a stretch and a sigh, rolling her shoulders she made her way to the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror as she walked through the door. She grinned at her reflection, the memory of the previous night and earlier that morning rolling in her head, making her bed hair seem sexier than it usually would be, but then her grin slipped as she noticed a mark on her neck.

Fuck.

She snapped her head to the right and leaned closer to the mirror. Yup, there was no mistaking that, he’d given her a goddamned hickie.

“For fucks sake Levinson!” she groaned, whipping off his t-shirt, letting out another curse as she saw the finger shaped marks on her hips.

“Guess it’s the one piece.” she grumbled to herself before she climbed into the shower.

Once done she dried off, dressed in a navy blue and white nautical striped bathing suit and slipped on a white vest top and pleated pink skirt over the top before she set about concealing the offending bruise on her neck as best she could, leaving her hair down as extra coverage. She grabbed a wide brimmed sun hat, her aviators and left her hut, locking the door behind her before she began to make her way down to help with breakfast service, nodding to a few of the guests as she walked.

Max, who was walking along the beach spotted her and giving a wave and a shout he jogged over. “You look like a femme fatale in a spy movie.”

Hannah grinned, “Morning to you too Maxwell.”

Together they headed up to the resort and Hannah took up her role a Rosa, helping Rachel (or Angela) with the breakfast service. It was a simple enough job and they swept through it, everyone served and provided with some food in 20 minutes.

When Ari arrived they were just finishing up serving the last guests meaning that they could finally sit down to eat themselves. Ari plopped down next to Max and Sammy, arm leaning on the chair back. He looked around and spied Hannah chatting to a few tourists at a table. His eyes scanned her up and down, as she smiled at the guests, nodded and then grinned, walking away. He watched her until she walked into the kitchen before he turned and reached for the coffee pot, pouring himself one as Max was talking to Sammy about something to do with one of the diving boats. He wasn’t paying attention though, his mind was elsewhere, on last night and this morning to be exact.

Hannah and Rachel then emerged with a large plate of toast and fruit for their table. The girls sat down, Hannah opposite Ari and just as she was reaching over for some toast Sammy spoke

“Did you sleep well Ari?”

Ari almost choked on his coffee “What?”

“You looked relaxed.” Sammy shrugged, “Well, more than you did yesterday, you know after the long day you had with flights and travelling…”

Hannah looked down, her hair flopping forward to cover her face

“I mean you looked whacked when you went to bed…” Sam continued before Hannah cut in.

“Sammy, can you pass me the coffee?” she asked, attempting to take the attention off Ari. But to be fair, he seemed to be coping fairly well as he smiled and leaned back in the chair.

“Slept like a baby Sammy.” He stated calmly “Returning to the sea air must have taken it out of me.”

At that point Max started to chuckle and Ari looked at him, pondering what exactly he knew. Max looked at Ari before he glanced away, the smirk on his face, and Ari took a deep breath. Max couldn’t know, at worst he could suspect so…

Ari glanced at Hannah who was avoiding all of them, concentrating on the ocean as she chewed her food.

“Earth to Hannah…” Max teased and she turned to him, narrowing her eyes.

“What?”

“How did you sleep?”

“Well I got in bed…” she replied, nonchalantly “and closed my eyes.”  At that various chuckles rang out round the table “Thanks for your concern.”

“Anyone care how I slept?” Sammy asked. Ari let out a snort and turned to his best friend

“I care buddy. How did ya sleep Sammy?”

Sam grinned “Well.”

Ari’s eyes flicked to Hannah who was busy looking at Rachel. Ari’s followed her gaze and turned to the blonde and saw she was flushing a little.

NO fucking way!!!

He looked back at Hannah who’s own eyes had widened a little, a smirk on her face before she cleared her throat, looking around and frowning a little.

“Where’s Simon?”

“More to the point where’s Wolf?” Max asked.

“I don’t care about him.” Hannah waved her hand “He’s probably currently wondering how he sneaks out of a room without waking up whichever one of those girls he ended up with. That or he’s swimming…”

“Which girls? The ones that were eye fucking Ari on the beach yesterday?”

Ari scoffed and shook his head before he then realised that meant Max was watching him yesterday on the beach. Ari’s eyes flicked to Hannah who looked at him, the same realisation on her face.

Fuck, just how much did Max see?

Ari cleared his throat “No, that’s not…they weren’t…”

Hannah, grinned “They so were Lobo.”

Sammy pat Ari’s shoulder “Still got it eh Guy?”  Then he gave a wicked grin “Is that why you slept so well?”

Hannah let out a sigh and rubbed her temple at the same time Ari groaned

“Shut up Sammy.”

Max simply grinned, looking at everyone round the table, simply having a ball at what was going down.

“Ok seriously, where is my dog?” Hannah mumbled.

At that point, perfectly timed, Jake wandered in, his hair wet, T-shirt slightly damp, clearly having been for a morning swim. Simon was hot on his heels.

“There, panic over Hannah.” Sammy nodded “The mutt is following the little mermaid”

Jake looked pointedly at Hannah as he approached the table “Red, sort your dog out. He’s been clinging to me since I bumped into him before.”

As Hannah watched, Simon went straight to Max, his normal snack source and Max grinned, handing him a piece of toast.

“Did you sleep well Mr Le Bone?”

And then Ari actually did choke on his coffee.

“You ok pal?” Sammy asked, patting his back. Ari nodded, waving him away

“Yeah, that just went down the wrong hole to so speak.”

Max started to chuckle again and at that point Hannah decided it was all getting out of hand.

“Loop, what did you mean Simon’s clinging to you?” She asked, looking at Jake “He normally just wants to chew your stuff.”

“Just being a general needy bastard. He kept brushing against my leg till I got in the ocean. And then lay there waiting for me to get out, and did the same all the way here.” Jake sat down in the seat next to Max and Simon moved towards him, his toast eaten and then, as the group watched he moved, latched his front legs around Jakes leg and began to hump him.

“Mother fuck…he’s fucking my leg!” Jake yelled “Red, get him off!”

As Max, Ari and Sammy all fell about laughing, Hannah shot up and dragged Simon’s collar, pulling him away.

“NO! Simon, bad dog!!!” she said, her voice cracking into a few snorts and giggles as she did so.

Max at this point started banging the table with his palm, snorting, before he pointed at Jake “I told you, you needed to get laid.”

Simon sat by Hannah’s leg, head cocked to the side, whining.

“Simon, stop!” she shook her head.

“You’re his bitch Jake.” Max continued,

“Shut up you ass hole!” Jake shot back.

By this point, Sammy and Ari were both in tears, laughing hysterically.

“What’s gotten into him?” Rachel said, in between chuckled “He’s never done anything like that before.”

“He’s a smart little bastard.” Max wiped his eyes “Yesterday after watching me and Sammy paint he picked up on of the brushes and started rubbing it on the wall.” Ari’s laughter abruptly died. He glanced at Hannah who looked at him, slack jawed. Ari internally chastised himself for thinking something so ridiculous. Because the dog isn’t mimicking him, surely not. He’s a fucking dog!

Rachel frowned as she saw Hannah’s expression. “What is it?” she asked, before she looked at Ari whose eyes met hers. He saw Rachel’s face slide into an understanding expression and she shut her mouth as she stood up.

“Ok, I’ll take him out, I need to speak to a few of the guests anyway, let them know when they can check out. Come on Doggy.”

“Doggy!” Max snorted, banging his hand on the table again, his laughter loud.

“Oh will you shut up Max!” Hannah spluttered at the same time as Jake threw a piece of toast at him.

“You’re having far too much fun Max.” he shook his head.

Max grinned as he picked up the toast “This has been the best breakfast ever.” He took a huge bite “You guys are tops!”

***** The guests finally left just before 10 am and as they waved them goodbye, although neither of them would admit to it, Ari and Hannah were relieved to get rid of the group of women that had been watching them at the beach the day before. They had had enough with Simon's quirks and Max's constant sniggers and knowing looks to be watching out for any of the tourists to pass a comment that the members of the team, especially Sammy, could interpret as them being together.

As the bus pulled away, the group grinned at one another, silently congratulating themselves for yet another successful cover as a functioning hotel. The thing that had started as an emergency decision the day of their first mission had unwittingly resulted in the perfect cover despite the scepticism of most of the people back at HQ in Tel Aviv. And Ari found himself thinking it wouldn't be a bad retirement gig once he was finally ready to hang his Agency life up.

Seeing as the next group of tourists wasn't due to arrive until the next morning, the group was free to do whatever they wanted with their time and after the events of the previous night, a few more options had been added to the catalogue for some of them anyway. But first things first, as they were now able to speak freely, which they hadn't been since Ari returned with Ethan and Isaac’s back-up, they took the opportunity to discuss the next mission in a bit more depth.

They had three weeks until the next new moon on a Friday. Ari informed them all that the idea was to basically follow the same plan as last time and gave Sammy a look when he saw him open his mouth to remind everyone of the unexpected road control during their first mission. With that in mind, Ari suggested that maybe they find a different meeting point, perhaps a little further down and a slightly different route to the cove. This would likely take longer but would prevent them from running the risk of becoming predictable for any possible monitoring from Colonel Ahmed. The team, including Sammy, agreed, all of them nodding as they poured over a map, pointing out potential options before they settled on one secluded but rocky spot surrounded by tall trees.

"Ok. I’m gonna head to speak to Kabede and then I’m going into Port Sudan." Ari said once everything was settled. 

He avoided looking at Hannah as he didn't want her to tag along. As much as he was aching to spend some alone time with her, he needed to get her birthday present. So he glanced at Rachel instead, giving her a pleading look which she seemed to instantly understand.

"I could do with going to Port Sudan. I have some letters to post for the kids." she happily offered, taking the hint.

Ari nodded “Sure.” and then looked at Hannah through the corner of his eye, he didn't dare to meet her face straight on. As he had predicted she stood still, arms folded, the expression on her face was unreadable to many, but crystal clear to him. 

What the fuck, Ari?

"How about the rest of us go diving?" Jake suggested, once the trip to Port Sudan was settled. "Nah man, I’m gonna chill on the beach and do absolutely zilch. Been a busy few days." Max joked.

"That’s the best idea you’ve ever had." Sammy agreed with Max, patting him on the shoulder.

"Beers and sand…I love this job." Max grinned.

"Suit yourselves. Red?" Jake shrugged before asking Hannah. Hannah pondered Jake's offer for a minute, avoiding Ari's gaze like the plague, before she shrugged "Yeah sure, sounds good." Ari felt the heat rising in his neck and blood pumping in his ears. Ok, now he was pissed. What the hell was she thinking? He didn't trust Jake around her, despite Simon's growling at Jake whenever he felt the man was overstepping, but he knew he couldn't make a fuss. Instead, he used everything in him to try conceal the rage that was coursing through his veins. If being a Mossad agent had its perks, learning how to keep a straight face was definitely one of them. 

Hannah's eyes locked with his this time, her chin jutting out defiantly. He could tell she was pissed at the fact he hadn’t offered to post Rachel’s letters himself and take her instead, like he did last time, and Ari knew this was her way of firing a shot back.

Oh Firefly, you’re playing a dangerous game…

In Hannah’s eyes, the point she was making was perfectly valid. There hadn't been any alone moment. No kiss, no touch, nothing since he sneaked out of her room that morning and here he was, passing up an opportunity for the pair of them to spend some time together, alone, away from the resort.

Fuck you, Lobo. she thought at the apathetic expression on her lover's face.

Hannah turned to Jake "Wanna go a bit further round the cove? I’ve not been down there yet?" She asked as she stood up.

"Whatever you want Red, I’m all yours." he replied, raising his arms in a surrender gesture. A smug smile on his face.

Ari’s hands tightened a little on the back of the chair as he watched her leave. Fully aware he was in danger of giving himself away he stood straight up, running his hand through his hair and looked at Rachel.

"Shall we go?"

"Sure. Give me 5 mins to get my stuff." 

Ari nodded and the pair headed out of the room, Rachel following Ari's murderous strut.

"Hey, bring us back some of that good food? You know the baklava and the olives you got last time." Max shouted to the pair.

"Do you think about anything but your stomach?" Ari asked, stopping in his tracks and turning to look at him.

"Well, another part of my body sometimes, yeah." he grinned, making Ari roll his eyes.

***** After a quick meeting with Kabede, at the designated location in a small village halfway between the resort and Port Sudan, where he was introduced to Rachel, they headed back out to the city. 

Ari was driving but his mind was still on Hannah and Jake. Surely after their night together she couldn't really still think they were merely playing at this? Her deliberate attempts to annoy him had fucking worked, and he was more pissed at her stupid little games than anything. He was beyond annoyed and it never once occurred to him that she may have had her own reasons, that she could be acting out of spite at his actions. His arrogant, stubborn mind wouldn't allow for it. 

"Stop clenching your jaw, your teeth are grinding and it goes right through me." Rachel finally said after a while. 

She had been stealing glances at him all the way so far, he’d felt her eyes burning into him as he had fallen silent once they left Kabede, his eyes remaining fixed on the road but slightly blinking with the thoughts racking his brain. 

"What?" Ari asked, snapping out of his head.  "I’m not clenching my jaw…"

 Rachel rolled her eyes "Whatever."

 Ari sighed "Sorry, it’s just…"

 "She wanted to come with you, Ari. She’s probably wondering why I’m here and she isn’t." Rachel said, anticipating his thoughts once again.

 "Because I want to get her a damned birthday gift." Ari said, raising his voice a little bit and not bothering to ask Rachel how she knew what he was thinking about.

 "I thought that might be it." she chuckled "But how is she supposed to know?"

"I guess…but that doesn’t mean she has to play stupid little mind games." Ari said, suddenly not so convinced Hannah was merely being a brat after all. "Ok back it up Ari. Why is she playing mind games? And why does it bother you all of a sudden? You’re the king of head fucks yourself, Levinson." Rachel told him, this time looking at him with a stern expression.

 He glanced sideways at her but couldn't come up with a suitable comeback, she was right. However, what she didn't know was that the game rules had changed as of the previous night. Their night. Yet, instead of voicing what was really on his mind he blurted out something else.

 "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You know damned well what it means? I’m a Mossad agent too, don’t try and outsmart me." she said, clearly starting to lose her patience.

 Ari chuckled at that "And one of the best I know. But don’t forget who’s boss here."

"I knew it." she snorted. "You’re a control freak Ari, everyone knows that, and you don’t like the fact she’s not behaving."

 Ari looked at her with a frown, before he turned his eyes back to the road.

"I got news for you, Guy, she’s not that innocent little 21 year old anymore." Rachel said after shrugging, not taking her eyes from the road.

At that Ari snorted, and couldn’t help but think back to the night before as he flashed Rachel a smug grin "I know."

“Ok" she laughed. "So are we talking about why Simon is suddenly so keen on fucking Jake’s leg?" "You tell me, you’re the Mossad agent." Ari bit back, shooting her a side glance. "Maybe he saw you and Sammy…" he saw her blushing. “You know, for an agent that’s a really shit attempt at not showing your cards, Reiter."

Rachel was the one to snort this time, this game of spies they were suddenly playing was proving more difficult than convincing a bunch of Japanese tourists she was a German hotel manager, and she fell silent for a moment before she spoke again "You can’t prove anything Levinson, the dog wasn’t in my hut."

"So it was your hut?" he drawled, flashing a cheeky grin at her "Shit, Ari!" she protested, slapping his arm. "Good for you Rachel, really." Ari said after laughing heartily.

 "Oh come on, you’re just glad you got something on Sammy for when he finds out you’re fucking his little sister." she said with feigned irritation but with a wide a smile.

Ari cocked his head to the side a little as he looked at the road, smirking.

 "Ok, so that’s part of it, yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it’s perfect. So thank you." he finally conceded and she rolled her eyes. "Although I’m not stupid enough to think that’s going to stop him exploding." he confided in her, his tone becoming serious this time.

 "He’ll come round. He has to. He doesn’t have any right over Hannah’s life. She’s a grown woman, not a child. You should keep that in mind as well."  Rachel gave him a look at that final piece of advice but he didn't reply. He just nodded absent-mindedly, he knew she was right.

 They got to Port Sudan little over 30 minutes later. Ari parked the car as Rachel put the scarf over her head. Together they walked through the streets, heading to the souk. As they were meandering around the stalls Rachel looked at Ari.

"So are you telling me what you’re getting her?"

 "You’ll see." he said with a huge grin, Levinson trademark.

After wandering a little more Ari finally located the stall he was looking for. Rachel saw him slow his pace and stop as his eyes roamed the different objects on display. To his relief, the necklace he had spotted when he had been with Hannah, was still there. He gently picked it up, examining it as it lay in his palm. It was a white gold necklace which held an amber and white gold pendant in the shape of a firefly. He had already made up his mind about it being the perfect gift for his girl, but when the man explained to him, assisted by Rachel due to his rudimentary English, that the amber stone was special as it charged with sun rays and shone at night, almost like a real firefly, he was an utter gonner. 

 He haggled with the man for a bit. Mostly out of custom, not wanting to be rude, but he was determined to take the necklace with him no matter how much he had to pay. 

Rachel, who had been slack jawed at the necklace when Ari showed her, was especially amazed at the expression on Ari's face as she translated what the buyer was telling him. This was a side to Ari Levinson she had suspected existed but had never been able to confirm. The thoughtfulness behind it all was just overwhelming.

"I’m impressed Ari." she said gently.

Ari simply smiled as he took the necklace from the man once it was paid for and wrapped in brown paper, thanking him in Arabic.

"Shall we go get the Max snacks?" he asked. 

Rachel snorted and nodded. They then headed towards the food market and once they had grabbed some stuff for the evening, Rachel turned to Ari before asking with a side smile.

"You wanna grab a drink or get back to her?"

Ari sighed but smiled "You’re a pain in the ass."

"I guess that means you wanna go back." she smiled back at him.

Ari knew there was no point denying it. Rachel could read him like a book. In fact she could read everyone like that. It was the reason he had chosen her for the mission after all. And he would be lying if he said he wasn't glad there was at least one person, Hannah aside, he didn't have to hide his feelings to.

They headed back to the car and Rachel was pleased to note that Ari's mood had changed considerably as they drove back to the resort. He was clearly satisfied, having pushed whatever niggling doubts he had out of his mind and excited at the same time having found his gift and at the prospect of getting home. Rachel was low-key glad she didn't have to knock more sense into that stubborn head of his again all the way back. Brooding Ari could be too much to handle in a reduced space.

Then, when they were a few miles out from the resort the heavens literally opened. 

"What the fuck." Ari groaned, his eyes wide open as he glanced up at the sky.

It was absolute downpour preceded by a bolt of lightning and a scary clap of thunder. Whilst the team had seen the odd shower during the months they had been there, there had been nothing like this, not even remotely. The road ahead was beginning to fade behind a curtain of rain and it was almost impossible to see. Rachel leaned forward trying to identify the road in front of them as Ari gripped the steering wheel.

"Shall we stop?" he asked.

Almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth there was another huge clap of thunder. Is that a yes or a no? Ari thought while looking at the sky through the windshield. 

"We’re not far out and this doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop any time soon, just slow it down and take it easy." Rachel ordered more than suggested.

Eventually, slowly but surely, they made it to the resort in the pouring rain.

*****

Jake, Hannah, Sammy and Max were chilling in the hotel. They were alone, bar the staff, but as there were no tourists to cater for they were kicking back with a drink. Conversation was flowing, Hannah and Jake filling the other two in on what they’d seen diving and how the area further down the cove held a few underwater caves which they were planning on exploring. As the familiar jokes and laughter were being exchanged, Simon suddenly stood up from where he had been laying at Hannah’s feet, wagging his tail and perking his ears. He trotted a little across the tiles towards the beach and started barking in the ocean's direction.

"What’s up Simon?" Hannah asked, as she brought her glass to her lips.

But she never got to drink from it as there was a flash of lighting, a clap of thunder and then the heavens suddenly opened over the resort. The four of them jolted up from their chairs and rushed to the end of the porch not minding the chairs that had fallen back in the process.

"Whoooa, are you seeing that? Holy shit!" Jake hollered over the loud sound of the rain as it battered on the roof of the resort.

"That’s the rain in Africa….now we’ve seen it." Sammy said, grinning and nodding.

Max chuckled at Sammy's comment and looked at Hannah who smiled at him.

The rain was pooling on the sand, running in little streams towards the ocean, and as Hannah, Sammy and Max stood at the archway at the rear of the resort, Simon let out another bark as once more a huge clap of thunder rolled over them followed by a huge flash of lightning which streaked across the sky over the ocean.

The 4 of them were utterly mesmerised, falling silent simply watching the show in front of them. It was beautiful, nature at its finest. At one moment Max disappeared, Hannah turning to watch him go and then a few moments later the sounds of Africa by Toto started playing out of the stereo. 

Hannah grinned and then turned to Sammy, grabbing his hand.

"Come on Sammy, just like when we were kids…" she exhorted, giving his hand a sharp tug and pulling him out from under the shelter onto the beach into the heavy rain.

Sammy, unexpectedly grinned, letting his sister drag him out happily. Jake and Max exchanged a look before they too followed. All 4 of them stood there on the beach, faces turned up to the rain, their eyes squinting shut a little and within minutes they were soaked to the skin.

"I told you, this is paradise." Jake exclaimed.

Max looked at him and grinned, the memories of the day they had set foot on the resort for the first time, all those months ago, and Jake uttering those same words as he spotted the sea in front of them coming back to his mind.

Ari himself was sodden thanks to getting out of the car, his shirt sticking to his torso and hair dripping down his face. Not that he cared, the first thing in his mind upon pulling up had been checking up on Hannah, and the rest of the team by extension. He had told Rachel to go get changed so as not to catch a chill, and he had headed to the rear of the resort where they could hear the team's voices, leaving a dripping path on the floor behind him, the sound of music and laughter growing louder as he went. Eventually he reached the archway which led to the beach and leaned up against the sandstone, watching the four of them getting soaked on the beach.

The chorus to the song struck up and Hannah turned to Sammy who grinned at her as the four of them started to sing along, too engrossed in their performance to notice Ari watching them with a huge smile plastered on his face. When an oblivious Jake dropped his arm round Hannah’s shoulder as she flicked her soaked hair from her eyes, Ari felt his gut clench. The vision of his girl under the rain, her dripping clothes clinging to her body in a way he could even discern her round ass under her pleated skirt, being held by another man was about to send him into overdrive. But once again he couldn't make a fuss and he took a deep breath, remembering Rachel words earlier on the drive to Port Sudan. He couldn't let dominant, protective Ari come out unless Hannah summonsed it so, deciding to subtly, or rather not, let them know he was there he started to sing as well.

 "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you….” He raised his silky voice so that it could be heard among theirs.

At the sound of Ari's singing Hannah wheeled round and their eyes met, her smile almost splitting her face in half. Her wet hair was sticking to her face, the sodden fabric of her blue strappy top was clinging to her every curve as the water trickled over her skin. They were still gazing into each other's eyes, taking each other's bodies in when another flash of lighting lit up the ocean behind them. Ari gulped and turned to nod at the others, tearing his eyes away from Hannah before they flickered back as she sang the next line of the song back to him.

"There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever dooo."

"174 to be precise." Max shouted to the sky, his eyes closed. 

They all grinned at him before in synch they all belted out the next line “I bless the rains down in Africcaaaa...” as Ari stepped out from the rear porch to join them on the sand. 

Hannah instantly reached out behind her, holding her hand out for him to take, which he happily did before singing the final line of the chorus.

"Gonna take some time to do the things we never had…"

She turned to face him, the grin still stuck on her face as she gave his fingers a little squeeze before they both tilted their faces towards the sky, the heavy, warm rain beating down on them, their eyes closed as their laughter was lost in the thunder.  

[lesserfandomappreciation]

📝 i love hearing about other writer wips!

Yay! Thanks! I have too many WIPS that I am struggling to begin but I’m having a hoot outlining them. 1. Egyxos 3 years later!

Summary: Leo is now a teenager in high school, trying to balance out student life, being an older brother, a social life and being part of the Golden Army in another world. However, things go sideways when one of his teachers is attacked by Anubi wielding a mysterious ancient artifact from a civilization long forgotten. Leo and his allies must race to find the source of Exaton’s new power, as well as unlock the secrets from a civilization long lost to time. And why was Anubi targeting his teacher in the first place?

Egyxos is one of my favorite shows in terms of world-building but I HATED how few arcs there were in terms of character growth! There’s so much potential there and it’s under utilized, so I decided to do a fast-forward in time to after the events in the show. It’s a chance to put the characters through new circumstances as well as expand on the world-building because there are so many questions the show never answered. 

One thing I wished the show had done was give Leo a human ally from Earth. Leo is a kid who is suddenly having to not only deal with the stresses of human life but also being a hero in an entirely different dimension with world-ending consequences. That’s a lot for any kid. Not having anyone on Earth to open up to who can relate to the Earth-side perspective he has would have been hard on him. So I made an OC for him to open up and to step up for him because what do you mean ‘he has to always be available for every problem in Egyxos?’ What do you mean ‘12 years old is a great age to start having to fight in a literal war?”

(TBH I’m super hyped for her to interact with the rest of the cast simply because having a responsible adult confront them on some of their non-sense would be delightful.)

Aaaaaand because I like to make things hard on myself, I decided to re-write some of the characters to better fit into the world, flesh out their backstory or some combination of the two. Leo for example having grown up a bit has a slightly different personality shaped from his experiences, including the fact he struggles to really open up to others. At the same time I reimagined him because why is any descendant of any pharoah white, so that was fun to do. 

Outlining wise I’m actually at 25,000 words of backstory development, arc planning and character personality writing, plus research for the other ancient civilization I want to add in. It’s going to be a bit before I’m really done with the outline, simply because every time I finish one part, it gives me 6 ideas for other arcs. 

2. Red Shoes and the 7 Dwarves OC

I have like 2-3 ocs for Red Shoes, one of them having been re-worked for another WIP I’m having fun with, but basically they’re possible love interests for the rest of the cast of Red Shows besides Merlin and Snow.

Thumbelina as the name implies is the tiny little lady from the story Thumbelina. I found out through a bit of research that originally in the credits after the movie it was going to be Thumbelina, not little Red Riding Hood, who was going to be Arthur’s love interest but in the end I wound up making her Kio’s love interest. She’s not as developed as the other oc I mentioned, but she’s been fun to flesh out. 

What’s been really fun is figuring out what type of personality she’d have after the events in the story because holy smokes does Thumbelina go through the ringer. She literally got kidnapped, nearly forcibly married to a frog, forced to be a bug’s friend before she was ditched, dressed up and then ditched again, almost forced to marry a mole against her will because she was guilt-tripped by a mouse who had saved her, saved by a bird she saved only to be betrayed at the last second by said bird who could have flown her home and instead flies her to the fairy prince who forcibly marries her. Yes the story implies she marries the Prince by choice, but considering what fairies typically do to people who don’t agree with them, I can’t imagine Thumbelina would be thrilled at the idea. Especially since her repeatedly stated goal is to go home to her mother. 

Personality-wise she’s a bright little lady who understandably has severe trust issues around strangers given her incredible streak of bad luck in the past. Her experiences have made her be more observant of her surroundings and quick-minded so as to escape any situation. Plus, because she’s survived so long in the wilds at her diminutive height she’s very knowledgeable about the woods and how to really thrive in a tough situation.  

The other oc is Yvonne the Hunter. There’s a lot of hunters in fairytales to work with so I thought it would be fun for there to be one hell of a good hunter who is not actively trying to be part of fairytales but it keeps falling that way. Also I’m a sucker for a badass female hunter who can kick ass without any hesitation. 

Yvonne is the eldest of 4 kids in a very poor family in the woods. To help support her much younger siblings Yvonne became a hunter, taking on deadly kills and bounties for deep wood beasts that haunted the surrounding mountains. With the added in cash flow she was able to better support her siblings once her parents died, wanting to provide them a good life. 

Currently she has taken on the hunt of a life-time; a dragon attacking the northern lands repeatedly, but completely untrackable. The reward? A king’s favor. Any favor from a king, completely impossible for him to refuse. It’s a chance Yvonne could not pass up (for more than one reason). 

I fluctuated between Arthur and Jack for her and I’m still undecided, because 

a) I’m a sucker for a stern badass and a himbo starting off as rivals and becoming attached.

b) I’m a sucker for a pretty boy falling for a feral hunter. 

so it’s going to be a while before Yvonne or Thumbelina’s stories will be written, though I do have some outlines for them. 

3. The many requests from this inbox!

I’m always working on an ask for this blog, so there’s a lot of WIPs at the moment. 

4. Grace and Alexander

Summary: Lorcia. The country with an army unlike any other. At it’s northern mountain border the empire of Marvansk looms - ever-eager to take the southern fertile lands to feed its expanding population. For centuries they have been at a deadlock, unable to start war without plummeting the entirety of the continent into decades of combat. Grace Tenorio, the head of the legendary Black Brigade, has grown under these circumstances. Never has there been a day where the Lorcian military woman was able to discount the lethal presence of the northern bully. When air pirates raids increase at the the Northern border and invitations from the north to discuss collaboration arrive, she must escort the Foreign Minister deep into enemy territory to find the root of the recent attacks.  Alexander Volkov - the merchant turned leader of the finest pirate hunters the empire has to offer - is a man who seeks redemption for a crime not his own. When a brilliant battle axe of a woman arrives from the south seeking out to hunt the worst of all threats, the two will have to make alliances with an enemy of the opposing land to take down a threat larger than either could have ever assumed. 

I’ve been working on this one for years now. A steampunk adventure/romance with plenty of intrigue, ass-kicking, enemies to lovers, pining, and badassery all around. I try to write a bit of it every now and again with mixed results. It’s more of a personal project than a fandom WIP but who knows? Maybe someday I’ll get it out there. 

[natsumebookss]

Io Asteria Voice Lines

Next up's Io, the last member of my main three Nebula girls! Let me know if you want to see lines for the others! (I can't promise all nine for fear of clogging this blog with Nebula content, but Stelle and Phea are definitely priority ones.). Enjoy!

Self-Introduction 1: The name's Io Asteria. I just came here for intel, so don't get too used to me. With any luck, I'll be outta here before you know it, so don't you dare give me a reason to miss this place, okay?

Self-Introduction 2: Hello, honored citizen. I am Io Asteria and I am most pleased to meet your--gyah, don't you dare walk in on me when I'm trying to practice my professional introductions! I swear I'll fucking kill you if this happens again!

(Note: Io is the daughter of the Manufacturer and one of Olympia's three current presidents. Since the Manufacturer kidnapped her and faked her death when she was very young, she wasn't really raised in a presidential household and...it shows. Hence why she works on looking more "polished" to the public now that they know she's alive.)

Personal Story

Story Chapter End 1: The Firebrands...they've gotta be the best path to my revenge, right?

Story Chapter End 2: If I'm a mad princess who kills for what she wants...what stopped me from killing her?

(Note: Io did not take the Actress revelation well at all and it was frankly a miracle she didn't Witch out then and there. She did, however, mercilessly attack the Manufacturer, and since he's her father and people didn't know the full story, the Actresses at Star Corporations assume she's some kind of madwoman. She starts to assume this herself until another magical girl, Xing, confronts her for trying to join the Firebrands. Xing asks Io if she can really kill her, since she's one of the Firebrands' biggest enemies. Io doesn't, which makes her question if she really is who the rumors make her out to be.)

Story Chapter End 3: Valvi-nee's the only family I've got now, so I've gotta fight for us to stay together!

Story Select 1: How the hell can I not hate my father? He started all this!

Story Select 2: I'll do whatever it takes to get back to them.

Story Select 3: If it's for the ones I love, I don't care what I've gotta do!

Story Select 4: I'm sorry, Xing. I guess I can't be a Firebrand after all.

Story Select 5: Is it normal to hate someone enough to try to kill them?

Story Select 6: Your gang captured my friend, so you ain't getting off that easy!

Stats

Strengthening Complete: My lasers are all fired up and ready for action!

Strengthening Max: I'm so strong now, I could vaporize a Firebrand just for lookin' at me! Relax, I'm kidding!

Episode Level Up: I'm Nebula through and through, past alliances be damned!

Magia Level Up: If only my father could see how strong I am now. I bet I could almost convince him to put a stop to all this with enough magic.

Magical Release 1: I'll never stop bein' amazed at how generous Valvi-nee is. She should hate me after everything my family's done to hers.

Magical Release 2: Back when I was out on the streets homeless, she took care of me. Even once she found out I was a dirty Tsukimura...

Magical Release 3: God knows I couldn't forgive like that. That's why she deserves a happy life more than any of us. Certainly more than me.

Awaken 1: This is where the Manufacturer came from. These magical girls inspired him to make us. That's why I gotta fight for them!

Home Screen

Login (first login): The Actress name my father gave me was "Altesse," or "highness" to you. I ditched it and became Chevalier as soon as I found out I didn't wanna be the one being saved. I might not be a kind knight, but I'll protect ya all the same.

Login (morning): School is so pointless when you're an Actress like me. I mean, what're they gonna do, make me write 2000 words on the horrors of war when I was made to be part of all that? Valvi-nee'll kill me if I skip, though.

Login (noon): Why aren't I sitting with anyone? All the rich girls at Mizuna are way outta my wheelhouse 'cause I was raised to be a warrior instead of an heiress. Maybe I should try some of the regular gals who tested in instead.

Login (evening): Wait, is that actually a video store over there? I should probably be getting back, but I gotta check it out. These things all closed by the time I escaped Star Corporations, and 'sides, I still haven't decided what movie I'm gonna watch tonight.

Login (night): Hey, you goin' to the midnight premiere of that horror movie in a few hours? I swear, the franchise is so bad, but I've always gotta be the first to see them. Even a student director like me could do better than that!

Login (other): Leo-nii volunteers at a hospital and was born with healing magic, so he helps us out a lot on cases. I get that both presidential kids couldn't up and leave the country, but I miss him so much already.

Login (AP full): I might be neutral, but I ain't sitting out when it comes to Actress work. Stelle and Valvi-nee need all the Soul Gems they can get, and I like takin' out Witches anyway. Anything to keep me from going at some of the shady magical girls in town.

NOTE: Io really, really hates Promised Blood and Neo-Magius due to the former's status as a Firebrand-like magical girl gang and the latter's association with the Wings of the Magius (whose brainwashing techniques she opposes most of all since her friend Stelle was brainwashed for many years). Of the Nebula members, Io has come the closest to breaching the neutrality contract, since her and Juri being in the same room together practically guarantees that a fight will break out between them.

Login (BP full): Can the Mirror Witch really make copies of anything? Even your past selves? 'Cause when I think about the girl I was back then and how I believed all my father's lies, I just wanna throttle her! Maybe I'll finally get the chance!

Tap 1: There's that cheesecake shop they were talking about... Valvi-nee wanted caramel and Koto wanted mint. I told Koto I didn't want anything to do with that nasty stuff, but whatever. I'm feeling nice today.

Tap 2: People always tell me I get mad real easy, but that ain't the case. Just don't hurt my friends or call me by my father's name, and you're good. Can't say what'll happen to you if you call me Io Tsukimura, though.

Tap 3: Surprised to see me in a Mizuna uniform? I pulled some strings to get in. Mizuna can brag about havin' a president's daughter, and they'll write me one hell of a reference letter for film school. I ain't proud of it, but that's how it's done, y'know?

Tap 4: Mom and Leo-nii just found out about me a few months ago, and it's already leaked all over. The lost First Daughter, alive all this time and all that. Don't get me wrong, having them back is awesome but...I'm just glad the paparazzi aren't breathing down my neck here.

Tap 5: Every rebel leader from the movies gotta have a bruiser to back him up, and I don't mind playing that role. If it's what I have to do to keep Valka and Omega out of trouble, then consider it done.

Tap 6: My wings retract when I'm not in Actress form, so looking human is super annoying. I wanna stretch them out all the time, but all the "out" Actresses at my old school went Firebrand. They kept pestering me so damn much that I just go to school like this now.

Tap 7: "You're a light Actress like her. If you killed the Valkaine Project, you'd be at the top of the food chain." That was the last thing that Firebrand said to me before she hit the pavement. Just hearing that made my blood boil so hard, the other Nebula girls had to tear me off her.

Tap 8: Tsukuyo and I hang out sometimes. I never thought I'd find someone in Kamihama who went through the same stuff as me, so it's nice getting tips from her on the whole estranged twin thing. I'm still gonna make sure she loosens up a ton by the time I leave, though!

NOTE: I have a whole semi-event planned in my head where Io finds out about Tsukuyo's secret and asks her for advice. She kinda intimidates Tsukuyo a bit at first (a callback to her interrogation in the Endless Solitude arc), but they eventually become odd friends. The rest of the event consists of Io taking Tsukuyo out of her comfort zone, trying to get her to rebel more, etcetera. I also feel like she'd be good friends with Kyoko.

Tap 9: I--I can't go over there...there are too many people. You have to get me out of here! *clears throat and attempts to return to her normal personality*. You gotta understand, I don't do crowds. Back at Star Corporations, I was a special experiment kept under complete isolation and...God, you gotta get me outta here right now!

Battle Start: Oh, they're askin' for it now! C'mon!

Battle Victory 1: Ha! They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't even stop to think if they should!

NOTE: Yes, this is meant to be a Jurassic Park reference. Io is that much of a movie nerd, and fully intends on screaming the actual quote at her father the minute they meet again.

Battle Victory 2: All right, everyone's safe! Now I just gotta make sure the enemy's completely withdrawn.

Battle Victory 3: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Doppel: We're finally together, Mom.

Dying: You'll never win in the end!

NOTE: I spent a long time trying to phrase this before remembering the She-Ra theme and figuring a negative version of it would flow best.

[debbiechanclub]

Twenty Questions

Tagged by: @champbucks! Thanks for the tag!

What do you prefer to be called name-wise? Katie and I also quite like KP so y’all can call me either :)

When is your birthday? August 31st (big Virgo energy).

Where do you live? Northern Virginia. My husband and I are hoping to relocate a little further south where it’s a slower pace and more affordable.

Three things you are doing right now? Drinking coffee, thinking about work things I need to do, and wondering if anyone will actually tag me in this or if I’m gonna post it on my own like some sort of narcissist. (Lol NOT ME having this ready to go 😂)

Four fandoms that have peaked your interest. Not all of these are current because really the only thing I’m obsessed with right now is wrestling but... wrestling, Marvel, The Walking Dead, and Game of Thrones. I’ve written fanfiction for all those, that’s my measuring stick hahaha.

How has the pandemic been treating you? Honestly? Better than most, and I feel both grateful for and bad about it. I started a new job at the end of January; we were ordered to go into 100% telework in March (and we’re going back into it now). However, due to the nature of my work, 90% of it CAN’T be done remotely... and because the people I rely on to do my job haven’t really been able to do their job, either, I’ve basically been getting paid my full salary to sit at home for the last eight months. That’s government contracting for you.

A song you can’t stop listening to right now? Still stuck on “Daze Inn” by Carlie Hanson.

Recommend a movie. I know we’re moving into Christmastime, but the only movies I can think of are all suspense/thriller/horror 😂. If you have not seen Hush on Netflix, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s about a deaf woman fending off a home intruder. Every time I see it pop up when I’m searching for something to watch I wish that I hadn’t seen it so I could watch it for the first time again. That’s how good (I think) it is.

How old are you? 32

School, university, occupation, other? I went to college, got a B.A. in English Lit, and I’ve basically been working as a writer/editor in various fields ever since. When I graduated in 2010 the economy was still shit and I couldn’t find a full-time job to save my life, so I started looking into becoming a pro wrestler. I ended up training at a school in Western Maryland (I was the only girl) for about six months. It was a total joke of a school, and I’m pretty sure they’re not in business anymore. I remember showing up for training one evening and the owner took us all out to a Public Storage and put us to work moving his new girlfriend’s shit into a storage unit. That was all we did that night. I was pissed because the school was a 1.5-hour drive one way for me. Had it been a legitimate operation I probably wouldn’t have quit and, who knows, maybe I’d be a pro wrestler right now. I think about that sometimes and wonder.

Do you prefer heat or cold? Cold. Cold clothes are cuter and more comfortable than hot clothes and you can’t tell me different.

Name one fact others may not know about you. I was born with a big birthmark on my left cheek. The medical term for it is “giant hairy nevus” and it was actually a type of mole. It grew hair and I had to shave it. I had it removed when I was 13. It took two operations to get it all and my body rejected the sutures (it literally pushed them out of my face; luckily it didn’t affect the healing process). I had two more procedures using just local anesthetic in the doctor’s office to remove excess scar tissue and redirect the direction of the bottom portion of the scar. Then I had fat taken from my stomach and injected into my cheek to fill it back out. I got a staph infection from that; luckily my dad caught it in time and antibiotics took care of it. For a long time I was extremely self-conscious about the scar, and I assumed it was the first/only thing people noticed about me. But these days no one even realizes I have it, and when I tell them about the birthmark they’re blown away. The surgeon did a very good job.

Are you shy? I don’t like the term “shy.” I prefer “reserved.” I’m very reserved until I decide that I like you enough or you can be trusted enough for me to be my true self. I’ve had my best friends tell me that the person they know now is completely different from the one they first met. Admittedly, a lot of people don’t get to know the real me because the reserved way in which I initially present myself combined with my hella bad RBF makes them assume I don’t like them/I’m a bitch.

Preferred pronouns? She/her.

Biggest pet peeves? When people don’t accept/respect/understand that others can have a different opinion or viewpoint from theirs and IT’S OKAY. Or when people decide that someone MUST be “x” because they agree with/like “x.”

What is your favorite “dere” type? I don’t know what the fuck that means, fam.

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. I’d rate it a solid 7. I’ve come a long way... if I’d filled this out four or five years ago (or hell even two years ago), I probably would have said 4/5.

What’s your main blog? This is my main and only blog.

List your side blogs and what they’re used for. See previous.

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I’m in my 30s! There’s more of us on here than I thought, so that’s a relief 😂. That being said, I’m not opposed to having younger friends - but just be aware! If you’re a minor and are weirded out by that it doesn’t hurt my feelings.

Tagging: @freshlysqueezedmox @drewsmcintyres @justamess44

[scripttorture]

Hi! My character (who is between the ages of 14 to 17 that i havent decided specifically) was taken from his family while he was a baby and now serving as a war medic to the side A (his school was specialised in normal medicine and medical magic). He was unaware of his sides actions and was brought up by the side to be exposed to propaganda. After coming to contact with his lost family from Side B and having mildly positive interractions with them, ((1))

((Sides Anon 2)) Side A tortures him for treason and he changes sides and abandons his side A past. I was wondering what he could behave, if he would be able to help people after what he went through, how he could react to his Side A friends? Thank you!((SidesAnon Extra!!)) I have read thru the blog and although magic is semiutilised it doesnt do anything normal torture doesnt do and thesetting is more realism with atouch of fantasy rather than a fantasywith a touch of realism. 

-

Thank you that’s a good amount of information. :)

 I can’t give you any age-specific information because I don’t know enough about childhood development to do so. But I don’t think that should effect the answer too much in this case.

 If you haven’t already you might want to look up cases like this one in Argentina where children of political opponents were taken and raised by people loyal to those in power. The Grandmothers of the Plaza de Mayo are a good place to start.

 There were also a few cases during world war two in Europe but these can be more difficult to find and they’re not always well documented.

 The answers to your questions aren’t exactly clear cut I’m afraid. A lot depends on the individuals and the circumstances.

 I’m going to outline possibilities base on what I’ve read about and by survivors. But which of the possibilities is ‘right’ for your story isn’t a question I can answer. It’s up to you to decide what fits with the story you want to tell.

 Broadly speaking torture causes opposition. Someone who has been tortured is likely to feel very much opposed to their torturer, and this deep seated opposition can (but does not always) extend broadly to anyone they associate with the torturer. Which can mean things like political factions, countries, ethnic groups.

 Torture causes severe mental illness and sometimes physical disability. This does effect what a survivor is capable of. But they are often capable of more then we assume.

 Torture effects survivors very deeply and that does have a knock on effect on their relationships. That doesn’t necessarily mean the end of those relationships.

 What all this means for you is that there isn’t a straight forward road map to how your character ‘should’ behave or feel. Survivors are a varied bunch. I think that part of the commitment to showing their experiences is accepting that variety and making each story about how this particular character experienced it.

 Being tortured by people he thought he could trust is certainly going to shake the character’s world view and his faith in his superiors. But he might believe that the people who abused him were rogue agents, or that his case is one of an individual miscarriage of justice rather then a systematic problem. He might never extend the intense negative feelings he has for his torturers to his friends, his unit or even the ordinary people on this side.

 He might feel as though running is a precaution against a dangerous minority, rather then abandoning the group.

 On the other hand he might feel as if he can no longer trust anyone even remotely associated with that side. He might want to flee back to his birth family because it’s ‘safer’.

 He might feel several of these things at once: that he can’t trust people on this side anymore- but that’s irrational, he loves his friends he really does, and he’s not a traitor. He’s not.

 This is part of what I mean when I say that torture is a complex topic. Survivors are subject to some very irrational feelings and they may well be aware that they’re irrational but this does not make the feelings go away.

 They are also making a lot of rational assessments about a very extreme situation. And they may not be able to easily judge the difference.

 It can pull people in different directions. And the indecision can make things feel much worse.

 Which means he might react to his friends as if he can’t trust them. Or he might react to them as if he still trusts them just as much. Or a dozen points in between.

 If you picked anxiety or hypervigilance as one of his symptoms he might flinch away from his friends, even if he trusts them and feels like that reaction is ‘wrong’.

 Not all of this is rational, and that is normal.

 Similarly the way people act after torture (that is after they are safe) can vary hugely.

 Some people describe withdrawing, especially if they’re experiencing depression. Some people dissociate. Some people get angry or even aggressive. Some become incredibly anxious or fearful. Sadness about what happened to them. Happiness that it’s over, if they believe it is-

 But mostly? Torture survivors experience a range of feelings in the immediate aftermath as they try to come to terms with what happened to them. Feeling most of the things I’ve listed above at various points during the first few days afterwards would be pretty normal.

 Torture doesn’t cut people off from the full range of human emotions. And that means that there are a lot of different ways people can act.

 I would suggest trying to read survivor accounts and trying to root any response you come up with in the character’s personality and the symptoms you’ve chosen for him.

 You could try searching Amnesty International’s website for interviews. I’d suggest trying to concentrate on interviews that discuss more then just the torture these people lived through, because the aim is to get a more holistic view of their lives.

 You could also try Alleg’s The Question and Monroe’s A Darkling Plain.

 As for whether he could help people- Well it depends on the kind and extent of help you’re imagining and the symptoms you’ve chosen.

 A lot of survivors have to work after they’re released. Otherwise they would starve. This is not right and most of them struggle but that doesn’t make them incapable.

 Survivors who invested a lot of their identity in their work, who find meaning in it, often want to return to it immediately. Off the top of my head I can think of artists, singers, activists and doctors who all expressed a strong desire to get back to their work.

 And the majority of them did. Not necessarily right away and they were not necessarily capable of everything they could do before. But they continued to do what they loved.

 Survivors are typically not as good at dealing with a lot of stress and high pressure situations. And as far as possible they shouldn’t be put in those sorts of situations, where their mental health problems are likely to become… painful.

 One of the things that seems to come up a lot with survivors who invest a lot of themselves in their work is burnout. They try to cope with their mental health problems by focusing on work and drive themselves too hard. Then things get worse.

 Sometimes that can become something of a cycle.

 There are also some symptoms that make mistakes on the job more likely. Insomnia and addiction can be particularly dangerous in that regard. Memory problems can cause issues but I get the impression the issues they cause are typically less… life threatening.

 If you meant ‘help’ in the sense of emotional support though- I personally do not think that it should be left to survivors to help other survivors heal.

 It puts a lot of pressure on people who are already struggling in the name of taking pressure off people who can cope with that pressure… better. I don’t think that’s fair. I think it hurts a lot of survivors.

 Survivors can give each other, and non-survivors, emotional support. But people who aren’t trained as therapists can’t really be expected to take that role because they’re mentally ill.

 So it depends on what kind of help you want the character to give, how stressful it would be and for how long.

 He would still be capable of acting as a doctor. But asking him to pull a 12 hour shift in an emergency room is asking for a meltdown.

 In a sensible world he’d be allowed several weeks of recovery and eased back into work gradually, in as stress-free a way as possible.

 That isn’t always what happens. Sometimes because the survivor themselves wants to go faster then they can cope with.

 Wrapping this up: think about the symptoms you’ve picked for your character. Establish them early. Link them to the way your character behaves, around his friends, around work, around everyday life.

 Think about his values and beliefs. Think about what, aside from the ‘side’ he’s on, is at the heart of his identity.

 And read survivor accounts. They will help you get a better sense of what’s possible and what you’re trying to describe.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[citrina-posts]

Avatar: Cultural Appreciation or Appropriation?

I love Avatar: the Last Airbender. Obviously I do, because I run a fan blog on it. But make no mistake: it is a show built upon cultural appropriation. And you know what? For the longest time, as an Asian-American kid, I never saw it that way.

There are plenty of reasons why I never realized this as a kid, but I’ve narrowed it down to a few reasons. One is that I was desperate to watch a show with characters that looked like me in it that wasn’t anime (nothing wrong with anime, it’s just not my thing). Another is that I am East Asian (I have Taiwanese and Korean ancestry) and in general, despite being the outward “bad guys”, the East Asian cultural aspects of Avatar are respected far more than South Asian, Middle Eastern, and other influences. A third is that it’s easy to dismiss the negative parts of a show you really like, so I kind of ignored the issue for a while. I’m going to explain my own perspective on these reasons, and why I think we need to have a nuanced discussion about it. 

Obviously, the leadership behind ATLA was mostly white. We all know the co-creators Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino (colloquially known as Bryke) are white. So were most of the other episodic directors and writers, like Aaron Ehasz, Lauren Montgomery, and Joaquim Dos Santos. This does not mean they were unable to treat Asian cultures with respect, and I honestly do believe that they tried their best! But it does mean they have certain blinders, certain perceptions of what is interesting and enjoyable to watch. Avatar was applauded in its time for being based mostly on Asian and Native American cultures, but one has to wonder: how much of that choice was based on actual respect for these people, and how much was based on what they considered to be “interesting”, “quirky”, or “exotic”?

The aesthetic of the show, with its bending styles based on various martial arts forms, written language all in Chinese text, and characters all decked out in the latest Han dynasty fashions, is obviously directly derivative of Asian cultures. Fine. That’s great! They hired real martial artists to copy the bending styles accurately, had an actual Chinese calligrapher do all the lettering, and clearly did their research on what clothing, hair, and makeup looked like. The animation studios were in South Korea, so Korean animators were the ones who did the work. Overall, this is looking more like appreciation for a beautiful culture, and that’s exactly what we want in a rapidly diversifying world of media.

But there’s always going to be some cherry-picking, because it’s inevitable. What’s easy to animate, what appeals to modern American audiences, and what is practical for the world all come to mind as reasons. It’s just that… they kinda lump cultures together weirdly. Song from Book 2 (that girl whose ostrich-horse Zuko steals) wears a hanbok, a traditionally Korean outfit. It’s immediately recognizable as a hanbok, and these dresses are exclusive to Korea. Are we meant to assume that this little corner of the mostly Chinese Earth Kingdom is Korea? Because otherwise, it’s just treated as another little corner of the Earth Kingdom. Korea isn’t part of China. It’s its own country with its own culture, history, and language. Other aspects of Korean culture are ignored, possibly because there wasn’t time for it, but also probably because the creators thought the hanbok was cute and therefore they could just stick it in somewhere. But this is a pretty minor issue in the grand scheme of things (super minor, compared to some other things which I will discuss later on).

It’s not the lack of research that’s the issue. It’s not even the lack of consideration. But any Asian-American can tell you: it’s all too easy for the Asian kids to get lumped together, to become pan-Asian. To become the equivalent of the Earth Kingdom, a mass of Asians without specific borders or national identities. It’s just sort of uncomfortable for someone with that experience to watch a show that does that and then gets praised for being so sensitive about it. I don’t want you to think I’m from China or Vietnam or Japan; not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because I’m not! How would a French person like to be called British? It would really piss them off. Yet this happens all the time to Asian-Americans and we are expected to go along with it. And… we kind of do, because we’ve been taught to.

1. Growing Up Asian-American

I grew up in the early to mid-2000s, the era of High School Musical and Hannah Montana and iCarly, the era of Spongebob and The Amazing World of Gumball and Fairly Odd Parents. So I didn’t really see a ton of Asian characters onscreen in popular shows (not anime) that I could talk about with my white friends at school. One exception I recall was London from Suite Life, who was hardly a role model and was mostly played up for laughs more than actual nuance. Shows for adults weren’t exactly up to par back then either, with characters like the painfully stereotypical Raj from Big Bang Theory being one of the era that comes to mind.

So I was so grateful, so happy, to see characters that looked like me in Avatar when I first watched it. Look! I could dress up as Azula for Halloween and not Mulan for the third time! Nice! I didn’t question it. These were Asian characters who actually looked Asian and did cool stuff like shoot fireballs and throw knives and were allowed to have depth and character development. This was the first reason why I never questioned this cultural appropriation. I was simply happy to get any representation at all. This is not the same for others, though.

2. My Own Biases

Obviously, one can only truly speak for what they experience in their own life. I am East Asian and that is arguably the only culture that is treated with great depth in Avatar.

I don’t speak for South Asians, but I’ve certainly seen many people criticize Guru Pathik, the only character who is explicitly South Asian (and rightly so. He’s a stereotype played up for laughs and the whole thing with chakras is in my opinion one of the biggest plotholes in the show). They’ve also discussed how Avatar: The Last Airbender lifts heavily from Hinduism (with chakras, the word Avatar itself, and the Eye of Shiva used by Combustion Man to blow things up). Others have expressed how they feel the sandbenders, who are portrayed as immoral thieves who deviously kidnap Appa for money, are a direct insult to Middle Eastern and North African cultures. People have noted that it makes no sense that a culture based on Inuit and other Native groups like the Water Tribe would become industrialized as they did in the North & South comics, since these are people that historically (and in modern day!) opposed extreme industrialization. The Air Nomads, based on the Tibetan people, are weirdly homogeneous in their Buddhist-inspired orange robes and hyperspiritual lifestyle. So too have Southeast Asians commented on the Foggy Swamp characters, whose lifestyles are made fun of as being dirty and somehow inferior. The list goes on.

These things, unlike the elaborate and highly researched elements of East Asian culture, were not treated with respect and are therefore cultural appropriation. As a kid, I had the privilege of not noticing these things. Now I do.

White privilege is real, but every person has privileges of some kind, and in this case, I was in the wrong for not realizing that. Yes, I was a kid; but it took a long time for me to see that not everyone’s culture was respected the way mine was. They weren’t considered *aesthetic* enough, and therefore weren’t worth researching and accurately portraying to the creators. It’s easy for a lot of East Asians to argue, “No! I’ve experienced racism! I’m not privileged!” News flash: I’ve experienced racism too. But I’ve also experienced privilege. If white people can take their privilege for granted, so too can other races. Shocking, I know. And I know now how my privilege blinded me to the fact that not everybody felt the same euphoria I did seeing characters that looked like them onscreen. Not if they were a narrow and offensive portrayal of their race. There are enough good-guy Asian characters that Fire Lord Ozai is allowed to be evil; but can you imagine if he was the only one?

3. What It Does Right

This is sounding really down on Avatar, which I don’t want to do. It’s a great show with a lot of fantastic themes that don’t show up a lot in kids’ media. It isn’t superficial or sugarcoating in its portrayal of the impacts of war, imperialism, colonialism, disability, and sexism, just to name a few. There are characters like Katara, a brown girl allowed to get angry but is not defined by it. There are characters like Aang, who is the complete opposite of toxic masculinity. There are characters like Toph, who is widely known as a great example of how to write a disabled character.

But all of these good things sort of masked the issues with the show. It’s easy to sweep an issue under the rug when there’s so many great things to stack on top and keep it down. Alternatively, one little problem in a show seems to make-or-break media for some people. Cancel culture is the most obvious example of this gone too far. Celebrity says one ignorant thing? Boom, cancelled. But… kind of not really, and also, they’re now terrified of saying anything at all because their apologies are mocked and their future decisions are scrutinized. It encourages a closed system of creators writing only what they know for fear of straying too far out of their lane. Avatar does do a lot of great things, and I think it would be silly and immature to say that its cultural appropriation invalidates all of these things. At the same time, this issue is an issue that should be addressed. Criticizing one part of the show doesn’t mean that the other parts of it aren’t good, or that you shouldn’t be a fan.

If Avatar’s cultural appropriation does make you uncomfortable enough to stop watching, go for it. Stop watching. No single show appeals to every single person. At the same time, if you’re a massive fan, take a sec (honestly, if you’ve made it this far, you’ve taken many secs) to check your own privilege, and think about how the blurred line between cultural appreciation (of East Asia) and appropriation (basically everybody else) formed. Is it because we as viewers were also captivated by the aesthetic and overall story, and so forgive the more problematic aspects? Is it because we’ve been conditioned so fully into never expecting rep that when we get it, we cling to it?

I’m no media critic or expert on race, cultural appropriation, or anything of the sort. I’m just an Asian-American teenager who hopes that her own opinion can be put out there into the world, and maybe resonate with someone else. I hope that it’s given you new insight into why Avatar: The Last Airbender is a show with both cultural appropriation and appreciation, and why these things coexist. Thank you for reading!

[ettawritesnstudies]

How I develop characters!

Requested by popular demand after I posted about how I outline - this is a process that goes hand in hand with the brain dumping/mapping part of the outlining because what’s a story without its characters? DISCLAIMER: This is just my process, I’m not claiming it’s the best or that everyone should do this or that it works for every project. So yeah! Without further ado.. How to Develop Characters:

Step 1: Brain Dumping

I call this guide “developing” characters as opposed to “creating” characters because I assume you’re starting with *some* idea of who these people are and what role they play in the story. Maybe you don’t, that’s ok too, but I’d suggest going back to the outline and figuring out how the story is going to work if the characters aren’t the ones driving it. During this stage, you’re going to be brainstorming and collecting your ideas into a word document, phone notes, voice memos, or back-of-hand-scribbles. At this point, daydreaming/making playlists/moodboards is all part of the development process. you get a pass

Step 2: Listing!

I’m a fan of outlines if you haven’t noticed, so I start filling out character questionnaires. But I found that a lot of ones online either go into *way too much extraneous detail* for what you need right now. You can figure out what their favorite color and flower are later on when you’re making up answers on the spot for STS, but for now, you need the important stuff. So I made my own list. and ironically enough, I’m putting it online: This is my breakdown. Then repeat this for every main character and an abridged version for any important side characters. I’ve got 7. This INCLUDES villains - they’re important too.

Character Name: (nicknames/epithets, if any, and how they got said nickname/epithet)

Category #1: Basics

Age:

Sex/Gender:

Race/Ethnicity/culture: if you’ve got fantasy races, go over to your worldbuilding document and figure that out first, if you’re writing something set irl, you’re going to want to do some research. Here you’re figuring out HOW this affects your character's mindset, not just filling in a label.

Appearance/physical details

Height

hair/eye color, general details

other important details like scars, birthmarks, disabilities, ect.

Clothing - this says a lot about the character, and doing some research/worldbuilding on fashion can help round out the realism of the story

Voice and mannerisms:

favorite sayings/catchphrases

slang?

Other general stuff can go here: a FANTASTIC character study for voice is the Prydain Chronicles. Eilonwy uses a ton of similies, Gurgi speaks exclusively in couplet rhymes, Fflewder is optimistic and Doli is pessimistic and they both have hilarious catchphrases. 10/10 recommend checking it out.

 Backstory (go wild, just ask yourself “does it make sense with the plot and worldbuilding?”) If the characters are siblings or close friends they might have similar backstories, but make notes of how the characters still differ in how they view what went down.

 Category #2: Relationships

Family: Discuss their personality (if they don’t have their own outline) and relationship to the MC. I know orphan/loner characters are popular and I love them as much as the next person but also please reconsider if it’s actually plot-relevant and sensible or if you’re being lazy because you don’t want to develop this section.

Dad

Mum

Siblings

extended family members if applicable

Friends:

Friend Name

Personality if they don’t have their own outline

How their friendship developed

Significance and relationship with MC

Repeat as needed

How the MC is generally perceived by his/her acquaintances

How the MC is generally perceived by strangers

Category #3: Romance

IF RELEVANT: Any past experience? Sexual Orientation? Do they want a relationship? Do they flirt? full disclaimer here, I’ve never actually done this so I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, but I’ve heard it’s imporant?? idk. you do you.

Category #4: Skills

General Skills: if they know art, fighting, other languages, ect, anything goes here. explain WHY they know that.

Smarts: either street smarts or capability to learn

Schooling: how much formal education have they actually had. Smart characters can flunk out of school and not stereotypically “smart” characters can do very well in school by pure stubbornness alone.

Occupation

Hobbies

Category #5: Personality - the fun stuff, this is where you start drawing connections to the plot. At each major decision, come back to this section and ask yourself “what would they decide based on the following? Why?”

Introvert or Extravert:

MBTI type

Hogwarts House:

Alignment like in DnD: (these first 4 things help me get a better idea of how they act on a day to day basis)

Strengths: there should be 3 of these at least. Here’s an excellent blog article on types of strengths. Your villains should have these too

Weaknesses: 3 here too. A combination of strengths and weaknesses helps make characters well rounded.

Goals/Dreams/Aspirations:

Beliefs/Affiliations:

Fears:

Insecurities:

Mental illness:

After the Story:

Role in the Story:

Motivation:

Memories:

What they would die for:

Song/Quote you associate with them

Step 3: Repeat for each character and Connect the Dots

At this point, your characters might have changed a lot (or a little) from your original concept. Now you’ve got to figure out how they change in the story. Where do they have room to grow? What lesson do they need to learn? What lie do they currently believe? The Overall Arc Goes Here, and you need to tie the main turning points in the plot to the main turning points in the character. Go back to the whiteboard and start connecting stuff. Connect stuff within the list. Their backstory should inform their personality. Their personality should inform their friendships and romantic lives. People are complicated and messy. The more red lines you can draw, the better.

Now go forth! Create! have fun! Thank you for reading :)

[nazariolahela]

Best Beloved: Chapter 3

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a PM AU I’ve been working on. It’s a bit different than my previous fic series and I’m really excited to try something new. I hope y’all enjoy it. This story is told in dual first-person narrative, from Kaia (F!MC) and Damien’s POV. The first half of this story takes place during Kaia’s freshman year and Damien’s senior year of college. The second half is two years after Kaia graduates. There will be sprinklings of canon in this fic, but we’ll try to step out of the box for the most part. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow​ @lady-calypso​ @irishwhiskys-blog​

This chapter contains scenes of underage drinking. Please read at your own risk.

Synopsis: What happens when you find yourself crushing on your best friend? For years, Damien and Kaia have been best friends, while secretly harboring feelings for one another. Everything changes one night after a little too much alcohol and years of pent up feelings. Can they control their emotions and salvage their friendship, or will the feelings they hold for one another destroy everything they have?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: The gang attends their first college football game and frat party.

Kaia

I laid back on my bed and threw my arm over my head, my phone pressed to my ear. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to wear to a college football game, Nadia. Can you please come over and help me?”

She laughed. “Just wear something with the school logo on it. You’re telling me you don’t have anything Bobcats in your closet?”

I sighed. “No, I forgot to run over to the bookstore and pick up a shirt. Do you think they’re still open?”

“You can grab one at the team store on the way to the game. They’re always open before kickoff. Just throw a cute tank top on and slip the shirt over it. Or change in the bathroom.”

I huffed and shoved a Twizzler in my mouth. “Fine. I gotta let you go so I can jump in the shower. Text me when you’re on your way.”

“Will do,” she singsonged and hung up the phone. I dropped mine on the mattress next to me and tried to work up the courage to get up. The mattress wasn’t the most comfortable, but after the crazy first week of classes I had, it was more tempting than getting up to go to a football game. Or a frat party. My roommate Victoria marched in, holding a bag under her arm.

“Just call me your fairy godmother,” she said, tossing the bag on my bed. I sat up and looked inside, seeing a Hartfeld Bobcats t-shirt inside.

“Where did you get this?” I asked.

“Bought one last weekend, but it was the wrong size. I’ve been meaning to take it back, but I never got around to it. Try it on. If it fits, you can have it.”

I jumped off the bed and pulled the shirt from the bag, slipping it on over my black cami. I gasped when it fit like a glove. I stood in front of the floor-length mirror in our dorm room, checking myself out. Daaaamn, I looked fine!  I engulfed her in a hug. “You’re the best!”

“It was nothing really. Go have a great time at the game. And tell me all about it tomorrow.”

“You’re not going?” I asked.

“Nah. I met this guy the other night and we have our first date tonight. He’s taking me to this Italian restaurant the next town over. Apparently, the plates are bigger than your head.”

“Ooh! New guy? Dish,” I probed. I didn’t know much about my roommate’s love life. Mainly because she kept things like that to herself. Although, I did find out that first night we hung out that she lost her virginity to some guy named Spike. She told me he roared like a motorcycle when he came. We laughed about it for a good twenty minutes.

She turned crimson, hiding her face behind her long black locks. “Well...his name is Drake. He moved here for school from some foreign country named Cordonia, but he doesn’t have an accent. I think he said his family is from Texas, but he grew up overseas. He’s kind of brooding. Wears a lot of denim. I really like him.”

I squealed and pinched her cheeks. “Well, good luck. And if you bring him back to the dorm, put a sock over the doorknob so I know not to interrupt anything.” She blushed and I winked at her. “Okay, I gotta hit the shower. My cousin will be here shortly.” I grabbed my clothes, a towel, and my shower caddy and made my way down the hall to the shared bathroom in our dorm. Thankfully there wasn’t a line, so I took the first open stall.

After my shower, I slipped on my favorite pair of Levi’s jeans and the Bobcats shirt Victoria gave me. I applied neutral eyeshadow, false lashes, a light sweep of blush, and a swipe of nude lipstick on my lips, checked my reflection one last time, and headed back to my dorm. My phone chimed with a text from Nadia announcing that she was on her way, so I grabbed my crossbody and a hoodie in case it got chilly and headed downstairs. I saw Nadia and Sloane sitting in the cab of a royal blue 1990s Chevy Silverado pickup.

“What is this?” I asked, holding my hands out.

Nadia jumped out of the driver’s seat and rounded the vehicle, swinging her arms out like she was Vanna effing White and this truck was the grand prize. “You like? It’s Steve’s. He’s letting us borrow it to go to the game.”

I scrunched up my nose, examining the beat-up body of the pickup. Is...is that a racing stripe? 

Sloane remained in the truck, fiddling with the dials on the in-dash radio. “Come on, you two! We’re going to be late,” she shouted from the front seat. My eyes darted to Nadia, then back to Sloane. I sighed and moved over to the passenger’s side, crawling up onto the bench seat next to Sloane.

We drove the five minutes it took to get from the dorms to the Robert Q. Harris Memorial Stadium, going over our game plan for the night. As we pulled up in the parking lot, we noticed a tailgate in progress. 

“Ooh! This is going to be exciting! Your first tailgate, Sloane!” Nadia squealed. She pulled into a spot and put the truck in park. “Okay, girls. Here are your pom-poms,” she said, handing Sloane and I each a pom wand. We exited the truck and walked over to where some other students were playing beer pong.

“Oh, my gods! I’ve heard of this game, but I’ve never seen it played up-close,” Sloane said, clutching her hands to her chest. She moved toward the table and watched the two guys in Bobcats jerseys line up their shots. The first guy’s ball bounced off the rim of the red Solo cup, and his companions all groaned in frustration.

“I’m usually way better than this,” the guy protested as his friends laughed at him. We watched a few more rounds of the game before moving on to another group. Three girls in cut-off Bobcats t-shirts were holding a funnel and a tube above another girl’s head and pouring beer into the funnel.

“Why are those girls drinking beer out of a funnel?” Sloane asked.

“That’s a beer bong. They do this so they can get drunk faster,” I explained to her. She nodded her head, watching the girls in concentration as they assisted their friend in “funneling” her beer, then cheering when she finished it.

“Fascinating,” Sloane said, observing the girls as they lined up for another hit. We made our way through the parking lot, stopping occasionally at different groups to check out their tailgating activities. After several minutes, we made it to the stadium gates. Nadia fished our tickets out of her purse and handed them to the attendant. He scanned our tickets and let us through. We walked through the concourse, checking out the different food and drinks offered at the concession stands. We found our gate and made our way to our seats.

We took our seats and settled in, squeezing into the front row of the bleachers, right behind the home bench. A guy in a BU Wolves jersey sitting at the end of our row slid across the bench and wrapped his arm around Sloane’s shoulder.

“Hey, cutie! You here to check out a little sports ball? Greg here will tell you all you need to know. So, the guys in burgundy are the home team. They’re who you need to root for. That weird spherical object in the middle of the field is called a football. That’s the name of the sport.”

Nadia leaned over and gave the guy a death glare. “Excuse me! Are you actually trying to mansplain football to my friend?”

He raised his hands in defense. “Calm down, babe. I’m just trying to help her out. She doesn’t look like she’s ever watched a game in her life.”

“Who are you to assume she’s never watched football because of how she looks? Get lost, creep,” I spat out.

Sloane cleared her throat. “I’ve got this, girls.” She straightened her glasses and turned to the guy. “For your information, I’ve watched plenty of organized sports. Did you know that the main physical actions of American football, such as blocking, running, and tackling illustrate several fundamental concepts in physics, biomechanics, and math? It’s quite interesting to calculate how many pounds of water a player loses on the field or how much energy it takes to stop a running back in a full-on sprint.” She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at the guy. He hung his head sheepishly and got up from his seat, scurrying away embarrassed. Nadia and I sat there in awe, then dogpiled her in a group hug.

“Have I told you you���re my hero?” I asked her.

“I’m dating the first-string wide receiver and I didn’t even know that,” Nadia chimed. Sloane laughed and returned our hug before turning her attention back to the field. Both teams were announced and we leaped from our seats and cheered as Steve jogged past us to the bench. He spotted us in the crowd and shot Nadia a wink.

The game kicked off and the Bobcats received the ball first. The quarterback threw a 20-yard pass to Steve on the first play, and he took it to the house an additional 60-yards to put the first points on board. I thought Nadia was going to pass out with how hard she was screaming and jumping up and down.

The opposing team got the ball next and their running back broke through the line on the first snap for a 45-yard play before he was tackled by the Bobcats defense. They drove down the field on the next play and tied it up. Both teams went score for score throughout the game, and it came down to a tied score of 35-35 during the final two minutes of the fourth quarter.

The Bobcats had the ball at their own 45-yard line. It was 3rd and 2. The running back lined up in the backfield while Steve lined up off the line of scrimmage to block and wait for the center to snap the ball. The QB called an audible at the line and when the ball was snapped, he slung it to a wide-open Steve, who danced down the sideline 50-yards as time expired to give the Bobcats a 42-35 win. Nadia tossed her popcorn and her pom in the air as the stadium erupted in cheers. Steve’s teammates engulfed him as they celebrated on the field.

We filed out of the stadium and waited by the team entrance for Steve to arrive. When he emerged a few minutes later, Nadia took off in a dead sprint and leaped into his arms, nearly tackling him to the ground.

“YOU DID IT, BABY! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU,” she shouted as she wrapped her arms and legs around him, peppering his face with kisses. Sloane and I watched in amusement as Nadia and Steve mauled each other in the parking lot.

“Okay, lovebirds. Let’s save some of this for the afterparty,” I said, rolling my eyes. Steve set Nadia down and we made our way to where his truck was parked. We climbed in and set off for the Delta Mu Kappa house.

When we pulled up to the curb, the party was spilling out onto the front lawn of the frat house. We exited the pickup and weaved through the throngs of partygoers to enter the house. The bass thumped through the room and dancers moved erratically to the beat on the makeshift dance floor. 

Steve held Nadia’s hand and guided us through the living room to the keg set up in the kitchen. The guy operating the tap extended his hand to Steve for a high-five, which he returned, then poured beer in cups for him and Nadia. He then offered Sloane and I a drink. I declined, but Sloane accepted. The guy poured her a beer and she took a sip, a dollop of foam coating the tip of her nose. Her face turned up in disgust.

“This tastes awful,” she said, wiping the foam off her nose and upper lip and handing the cup back to him.

“It’s an acquired taste,” Steve laughed, taking a sip of his own. Nadia pulled on Steve’s arm, urging him to the dance floor. He nodded at Sloane and I, then followed her to the living room. Keg Guy pointed to a red cooler and offered us a couple of Smirnoff Ice Wild Grapes. Sloane and I took the drinks, clinking the bottles together in cheers, then each took a swig.

“Oh my gods, this is delicious,” she shouted over the loud music. We leaned against the kitchen counter, scanning the crowd. After a few minutes, she noticed someone from her Spanish Comp class and excused herself to say hi. I continued to crowd watch, sipping on my Smirnoff, when I noticed Damien striding toward the keg. His eyes met mine and a grin spread across his face.

“This doesn’t look like your scene,” I said to him.

“Yours either,” he retorted.

I laughed. “Touché. Nadia’s boyfriend invited us. At least the refreshments are top-notch.” I tipped my drink up to him. He chuckled and moved over to the keg, grabbing a fresh beer from Keg Guy. He nodded thanks and walked back over to where I was standing. 

“Nadia’s here? I’m going to have to say hi to her sometime tonight.”

“Yeah, she and Steve are out dry-humping on the dance floor.”

He threw back his head in laughter. Gods, I missed that laugh. “So, what do you think of your first college party so far?” 

“Who said this was my first college party?”

“Just a guess. If it was, I’m sure we would have run into each other by now,” he said, taking a drink. “Nice shirt by the way. It looks good on you. Did you go to the game?”

I looked down at my shirt, noticing the way it hugged my curves. My cheeks flushed as I avoided his gaze. “Yeah, Nadia’s boyfriend is the star wide receiver so we went to watch him,” I said, brushing a piece of lint from my shirt.

“Mhmm, Tennyson. Yeah, he had a hell of a game. That 50-yard TD at the end was nuts. No one could cover him. The kid’s a machine.”

What a weird thing to say. I took another sip of my Smirnoff and scanned the crowd. “So, where’s your girlfriend tonight?”

He sputtered and started choking on his beer. I leaned over and slapped his back a few times until he regained his composure. He wiped the beads of beer dribbling down his chin with the back of his hand. “She’s around here somewhere. What about you?”

“My girlfriend is at home waiting for me. Parties aren’t really her thing.”

His eyes widened, which caused me to burst out laughing. “I’m kidding, I don't have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend for that matter. I’m just here with my friends. Who have all conveniently disappeared. But that means I can scout the local talent for my next boo.”

He cleared his throat and hid a smile with his cup. “Well, good luck with that. You have your pick of the litter with this new crop of freshmen. What about him over there?” He pointed his cup to the dance floor.

I squinted, trying to follow his line of sight, but with it being so dimly lit, I was having trouble making out most of the faces in the crowd. “Who?”

He leaned in to guide me to where he was looking and I got a whiff of his scent. Masculine. Earthy with hints of leather and sandalwood. I closed my eyes and inhaled, trying not to make it obvious. The smell caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter wildly. Memories of our last night together flooded my mind and I took a step back and chugged the rest of my drink, trying to tamp down my urges. I spotted the guy he was pointing at — a shorter guy with curly brown hair and glasses — nursing his beer as he made eyes with different girls on the dance floor. “Wait...I-is that Brad?”

He burst out laughing and I leaned over to slap his arm. My palm touched his bicep and the firmness of his muscles against my hand caused my breath to catch. I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head. “Not funny, dude.”

“It was worth a shot. Hey, I’ll be right back. I gotta hit the head,” he set his empty cup on the counter behind me and winked as he moved through the crowd toward the bathrooms. I watched him until he disappeared from sight and clutched the empty bottle in my hand, willing my nerves to calm. You can do this, Kaia. It’s just Damien.

But could I?

***

Damien

I made my way through the packed fraternity house, trying not to bump into anyone as I headed for the bathroom. When I reached my destination, the door was shut and only one person was waiting. I leaned against the wall and tapped my fingers against my thigh. The door swung open and a drunk guy stumbled out, allowing the girl in front of me to enter.

I looked back toward the kitchen and could still see Kaia leaning against the kitchen counter. The strobe lights danced off her features as she was leaning over talking to the kid manning the keg. Whatever he said made her throw her head back in laughter. A tinge of jealousy coursed through me. Why was I jealous? She wasn’t mine. And besides, I had a girlfriend. Somewhere in this house. Speaking of. I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent her a text, asking her where she was. 

The girl in the bathroom came out, and I entered. I shut the door and leaned forward, resting my hands on the sink. Staring at my reflection, I sucked in a deep breath and tried to get my emotions in check. Having Kaia back in my life after four years was fucking with my head. When she laughed, I wanted to do everything possible to keep hearing that sound. When I leaned in to point Brad out to her on the dance floor, her hair brushed against my nose and I inhaled the scent of her shampoo. It smelled like lavender and rosemary. When she smacked my bicep, I wanted to grab her wrist and pull her to me, to feel her body pressed against mine.

My phone chimed with a text from Alana, breaking me from my Kaia spell. She said she was in the backyard and asked where I was. I gave her my location, then set my phone back down on the sink and turned on the cold water faucet. I cupped my hands and splashed water on my face. A few moments later, someone knocked and I heard Alana’s voice on the other side. I swung the door open and she strutted inside, closing the door behind her and leaning back against it.

“Well, looks like we’re all alone in here, huh?” she said, sashaying across the bathroom to where I was standing. “Why don’t we pick up where we left off since we were so rudely interrupted the other day?” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my head down, capturing my lips in a searing kiss.

“Alana, baby. We can’t. Not in here.”

“Why not? We’ve never done it in the bathroom of a frat house before. It could be fun.” She said, pulling the shell of my ear between her teeth.

“What if someone comes in?”

She backed away from me and locked the door, never breaking eye contact. “Better?” she said, arching her eyebrow. I sighed and moved in, kissing and sucking the curve of her neck. She brought her hands up to my hair, raking her fingers through the thick strands. “See, this isn’t so bad, is it?”

I growled into her neck and dragged my hands down her hips, catching the hem of her shirt and pulling it up. When my fingers skimmed the strip of skin, she inhaled sharply. Our lips crashed together and she scraped her nails across my scalp. My fingers trailed lightly up her ribcage and brushed against the lace trim of her bra, causing her grip on my hair to tighten. A loud pounding on the other side of the door startled us.

“Yo, you about done in there, bro? Some of us gotta take a piss,” A guy’s voice called out.

Alana growled, “Motherfucker!” She huffed and pushed herself off of me. Fuming, she straightened her clothes, checked herself in the mirror and yanked the bathroom door open. The drunk frat bro on the other side jumped when she appeared.

“Whoa! I didn’t know it was this kind of party! Hey, baby! If you’re done with this dude, I believe it’s my turn,” he said, reaching out to stroke her arm.

She rolled her eyes and brought her knee to the frat bro’s groin, dropping him like a hot potato. The people in line behind him all groaned as Alana stomped away. I leaned down and rested my hand on the drunk guy’s shoulder. “You should probably learn how to talk to girls, bro,” I said, patting him a few times before walking off. I scanned the party for Alana, but when I couldn’t find her, I pulled out my phone and texted her to ask her where she went. Several minutes passed with no response, so I made my way back to the kitchen. I saw Kaia still standing in the same spot, talking to a girl with curly brown hair and glasses.

“Took you long enough. Did you fall in?” she said, raking her eyes up and down my body.

“Long line. It happens.” I turned to her friend, “Hi! I’m Damien. And who might you be?”

The girl extended her hand. “Sloane. Sloane Washington. So, you’re Kaia’s mysterious hot older friend. Wow, I can see why she’s so enamored by you,” she said, winking. My eyes darted to Kaia and her cheeks instantly turned pink.

“Sloane! What the hells?”

“Oh, whoops! Was I not supposed to say that out loud?” she giggled, slapping her hand over her mouth. “I probably should stop drinking these.”

I chuckled and turned back to Kaia. “Hot older friend, huh?”

Kaia looked down at the floor, her silky strands falling in her face. I resisted the urge to reach out and brush them away. “Don’t let it go to your head, Dames. You know how good you look.”

I cocked an eyebrow and Sloane giggled. “Well, thank you. I’m glad that my looks haven’t gone to shit yet. I figure I’ve got about five more years before Father Time superkicks me in the face.”  My comment drew laughs from both of them.

“So, how do you two know each other?” Sloane asked.

“We grew up together,” Kaia answered quickly before taking a long pull of her drink.

“What she means is that she lived next door to me and always hung out at my house because all the kids her age were losers, so she wanted a ‘cool friend.’”

Kaia rolled her eyes, trying to hide a smile. I turned back to Sloane. “How was your first week of classes?”

She pushed her glasses up her nose. “Pretty good, but my Calc class is going to be tough. The professor is a nightmare.” 

“Dr. Carson? Yeah, he’s a real ball-bust...err...I mean, he’s strict. When I had him freshman year, he made a girl cry the first week of class. He also grades on a curve.”

Sloane’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me that! I have to take Calc II with him next semester too.”

I laughed and turned to Kaia. “What about you? Any classes or professors you want to run screaming from yet?”

She shook her head. “Thankfully, no. Although there’s this super creepy guy in my Interpersonal Comm class that keeps hitting on me, even after I’ve rejected his advances.”

I hummed. “You should probably punch the guy. I’ve heard that gets your point across pretty effectively.”

She laughed and I felt my chest tighten. Gods, I loved that sound. I asked the girls if they both wanted another drink, and they nodded yes, so I made my way over to the cooler and retrieved three Smirnoff Ices. I handed them to the girls, and when Kaia took hers, our fingers brushed. Her breath hitched and a smile tugged at my lips. She twisted the bottle cap off, not meeting my eyes. I popped the top of mine and took a long swig, my face turning up in disgust. Holy shit, this stuff is awful. How do chicks drink this garbage? I looked over at Kaia and saw her watching me. She noticed my facial expression and burst out laughing.

“You gonna finish that?”

“Fuck, no. This is all you,” I replied, handing her the bottle. I moved over to the kid manning the keg and asked him if they had any rum.

“I think there’s some in the liquor cabinet, bro. Right over there,” he replied, pointing to a China Hutch on the other side of the fridge. I walked over and opened the cabinet, examining the contents inside. A few bottles remained. A thin layer of dust coated the shelves where liquor bottles once sat. I spotted the bottle of spiced rum toward the back. Thanking the liquor gods, I grabbed it and dusted it off. I grabbed a red Solo cup off the counter and poured two fingers of the golden liquid into the glass, taking a sip. Damn, this shit is smooth. I made my way back over to where Kaia and Sloane were still talking and held the bottle up to them.

“You girls wanna play a drinking game?”

Sloane shook her head. “I’ll pass. But thanks for offering. I’m going to go use the bathroom.”

My eyes darted to Kaia. She shrugged. “Sure. Why not? Let’s do this.”

I smirked and moved over to Keg Guy, asking if he had a deck of cards. He pointed me to a drawer next to the sink. I opened it and found a deck of adult-themed novelty playing cards. The box had pictures of women in various states of undress. I rolled my eyes. Classy.  Kaia and I moved over to the kitchen table and I poured more rum into my glass. “Okay, so this game is called the Nazario Chug…”

“Wait...you have a card game named after yourself?” Kaia asked suspiciously.

I chuckled and began shuffling the cards. “Long story. We came up with it my freshman year. So here are the rules. You take the top card. Black card means dare, red means truth. If you fail or want to dodge your task, you drink according to the number on your card.”

“Ooh, a new twist on truth or dare. This should be interesting,” she said, taking a sip of one of the bottles of Smirnoff.

I smiled and cut the deck then placed it between us on the table. “Hey, save your drinks for the game. Okay, since this is your first time playing, you go first.”

She leaned over and grabbed the first card and flipped it towards me. “Five of diamonds. So, red.”

I nodded. “Truth. So, what do you think about Hartfeld so far?”

She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Softball questions right off the bat? I thought this game would be more of a challenge.”

I laughed. “I don’t want to be too hard on you your first time. Answer the question or drink.”

She pressed her lips together and hummed. “It’s okay.”

“Just okay? Come on. You can do better than that.”

“Well, the classes are good. The professors seem cool. And I’ve already made a few friends.”

“But…” I probed.

“I don’t know. It’s only been a week. I feel like I can’t give a more detailed answer just yet.”

I nodded. “Fair enough.” I reached over and pulled the next card from the deck. Three of Clubs and black. I shook my head and Kaia’s eyes lit up when I turned the card to face her. She laughed maniacally and rubbed her hands together. “You’re going to make me embarrass myself in front of the whole party, aren’t you?” I groaned.

She tapped her finger against her bottom lip, the motion drawing my eyes to her mouth. Her lips were so plump, I wanted to lean in and taste them. She caught me staring and snapped her fingers in my face. “Hey, space case. Pay attention. Here’s your dare. See that blonde doing a keg stand over there?” she pointed to the keg where a freshman girl — being held up by two frat bros — sucked the beer from the lever while a small crowd cheered her on. After several moments, she gagged and beer shot from her nostrils, causing her to start coughing.

“You want me to do that?” I asked. She giggled and nodded. I shook my head and moved over to the keg. One of the frat bros noticed me.

“Hey, man. You wanna get in on this?”

I sighed. “Yeah, let’s get this over with.” I braced my hands on either side of the keg’s rim and lifted my body weight. The two frat bros grabbed each of my legs and held me up as I grabbed the tap and opened the lever, allowing the foamy liquid to pour in my mouth. I chugged the beer as Kaia and the crowd around us started chanting, “Chug, chug, chug.” Thirty seconds in, the beer must have gone down the wrong tube, because I started choking and spat up beer. The crowd moaned and the two frat bros helped me down. I moved back over to the table, where Kaia was crouched over laughing, holding her stomach.

“Holy shit. That was awesome!”

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, freshman. Draw your damn card.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and retrieved the next card. A frown formed on her face and she turned the card to face me. The King of Clubs, black.

“Payback,” I smirked. She groaned and threw her head back. My eyes scanned the crowd, looking for someone to recruit for Kaia’s dare. I spotted a kid with frosted tips and a denim jacket that screamed late ‘90s, leaning against the wall. He looked completely out of his element. Bingo. I pointed to him. “See that guy over there? I dare you to go over to him and pretend you’re his biggest fan.”

“Wh-what?”

“Then, you have to get a selfie with him.” 

She gnawed on her bottom lip for a few beats, then nodded and took a deep breath. My eyes stayed glued to her as she rose from her seat and straightened her clothing. “I’ve got this,” she said with a cocky tone. She smirked and marched over to where the guy was standing. I watched in amusement as she gripped his arm with both of her hands and shouted, “Oh wow! Are...are you Niall Horan?” The guy gave her a confused expression as several people turned around to look at them.

She released his arm and pretended to fumble with her phone. She then tapped the screen and handed it to a random girl standing nearby. Jealousy coursed through my veins again as the guy snaked his arm around Kaia’s waist and pressed a kiss to her cheek. The girl held the phone up to snap the photos and I watched them, trying to tamp down the feelings. I pushed back from the table and started walking toward them when a pair of arms caught me from behind.  

“There you are! I’m ready to go when you are,” Alana slurred, clutching my midsection as she swayed on her feet. 

I watched Kaia as she chatted with the guy. A smile spread wide across her face as he leaned in to whisper something in her ear. As much as I wanted to go over there and claim her, I knew I couldn’t. I sighed and turned around, wrapping an arm around my intoxicated girlfriend’s shoulder. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.” 

She slipped her hand in my back pocket and guided me through the crowd toward the door. I looked back and caught Kaia’s eye as we retreated from the kitchen. She stared at me, her face void of emotion. I gave her a weak smile and led Alana out of the house to our car.