#as opposed to emotional self-preservation. which is what a lot of his behaviour when it comes to his powers comes off as

[muninnhuginn]

Aiura's whole deal is that she has psychic powers and wants to use them to help other people. To her, that's why she has them. The issue comes when she's not subtle enough and so ends up gaining the wrong type of attention. This is part of why Saiki advises her to tone it down. However, Saiki himself spends most of his time hiding his powers with the aim of blending in whilst claiming to not want to help others.

So, the conflict is if you help other people but draw attention to yourself (and therefore potential danger) or if you let people get into danger and let it be because you don't want to draw attention to yourself.

And ultimately, both Aiura and Saiki drift somewhat to the other's position without admitting it. Aiura ends up in danger because she's too accurate with her predictions and has to be bailed out. She learns that she has to be more careful with her powers. Whilst Saiki may claim to not use his powers to help others but whenever anyone is actually in danger he'll bail them out, even if it puts him at risk of being figured out (see: helping Kaidou when Akechi was in his spying phase) or would be against his own advice (helping with Mera's dad anyway after warning Aiura off)

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[terfslying]

Extremist Traits & TERFs

 The traits are taken from (here), which is a list of extremist traits by Laird Wilcox. Most examples are from interactions with people on this blog, because I’ve got to limit myself to something.

Character Assassination

“Extremists often attack the character of an opponent rather than deal with the facts or issues raised. They will question motives, qualifications, past associations, alleged values, personality, looks, mental health, and so on as a diversion from the issues under consideration”

TERF Examples: Character attacks on Susie Green, of Mermaids UK, to attempt to imply that her motive for Mermaids UK is to force her own child to transition. & Claiming Mermaids UK was a significant part of forcing a young UK child to be trans, when in fact he was being abused by his mother and Mermaids UK only ever were contacted by phone by the mother, and were not otherwise involved in any way.

Name-Calling and Labelling

“Extremists are quick to resort to epithets (racist, subversive, pervert, hate monger, nut, crackpot, […] and so on) to label and condemn opponents in order to divert attention from their arguments and to discourage others from hearing them out. These epithets don’t have to be proved to be effective; the mere fact they have been said is often enough”

TERF Examples: "pedophile apologist”, “infertile, fat white loser”, “rapist” (all directed at me!)

Irresponsible Sweeping Generalisations

“Extremists tend to make sweeping claims or judgements on little or no evidence, and they have a tendency to confuse similarity with sameness […] they assume that because two (or more) things, events, or persons are alike in some respects, they must be alike in most respects.”

TERF Examples: “trans women are just men”; use of crimes by cis men to attempt to demonstrate trans criminality

Inadequate Proof For Assertions

“Extremists tend to be very fuzzy about what constitutes proofs, and they also tend to get caught up in logical fallacies […] they tend to project wished-for conclusions and to exaggerate the significance of information that confirms their beliefs while derogating or ignoring information that contradicts them.”

TERF Examples: “This research is reliable because I agree with it, and I don’t care that the authors have deliberately published politically motivated anti-gay propaganda studies before”

Advocacy of Double Standards

“Extremists generally tend to judge themselves or their interest groups in terms of their intentions, which they tend to view very generously, and others by their acts, which they tend to view very critically. They would like you accept their assertions on faith, but they demand proof of yours. They tend to engage in special pleading on behalf of themselves or their interests, usually because of some alleged special status, past circumstances, or present disadvantage.”

TERF Example: Refusal to criticise WoLF + Julia Beck’s association with the Heritage Foundation due to presumed good intentions

Tendency to View Their Opponents and Critics As Essentially Evil

“To the extremist, opponents hold opposing positions because they are bad people […] not merely because they simply disagree, see the matter differently, have competing interests, or are perhaps even mistaken.”

TERF Example: I deserve to “rot in hell” because I don’t agree with TERFs

Manichaean Worldview

“Extremists have a tendency to see the world in terms of absolutes of good and evil, for them or against them, with no middle ground or intermediate positions. All issues are ultimately moral issues of right and wrong, with the ‘right’ position coinciding with their interests.”

TERF Example: Willingness to use and spread sources from the alt-right with no regard for the source, since if it coincides with their interest, it’s ‘right’

Advocacy Of Censorship or Repression of Their Opponents or Critics

“They may include a very active campaign to keep opponents from media access [… or] actually lobby for legislation against speaking, writing, teaching, or instructive ‘subversive’ or forbidden information or opinions.”

TERF Example: Pressure to isolate young trans teens from media access

Tend to Identify Themselves In Terms Of Who Their Enemies Are

“[E]xtremists may become emotionally bound to their opponents, who are often competing extremists themselves. Because they tend to view their enemies as evil and powerful, they tend, perhaps subconsciously, to emulate them, adopting to same tactics to a certain degree.”

TERF Example: "TRA’s”, “libfems”, “transcult”; emulating anti-feminist tactics by joining groups like Hands Across The Aisle to directly partner with anti-abortion, anti-feminist conservatives and divide-and-conquer

Tendency towards argument by intimidation

“Extremists tend to frame their arguments in such a way as to intimidate others into accepting their premises and conclusions. […] They use a lot of moralising, pontificating, and tend to be very judgemental. This shrill, harsh rhetorical style allows them to keep their opponents and critics on the defensive, cuts off troublesome lines of argument, and allows them to define the perimeters of debate.”

TERF Example: Using the words “trans women” and “literal pedophiles and rapists” interchangeably in arguments

Use of Slogans, Buzzwords, and Thought-Stopping Cliches

“For many extremists, shortcuts in thinking and in reasoning matters out seem to be necessary in order to avoid or evade awareness of troublesome facts and compelling counter-arguments. Extremists generally behave in ways that reinforce their prejudices and alter their own consciousness in a manner that bolsters their false confidence and sense of self-righteousness.”

TERF Examples: “Peak trans”, “autogynephiles”, the bathroom & prison rapist tropes, to discredit trans women; “handmaids” and “libfems” to discredit cis women who disagree with them

Assumption of Moral or Other Superiority over Others

“Most obvious would be claims of general racial or ethnic superiority […] Less obvious are claims of ennoblement because of alleged victimhood,”

TERF Examples: Expanding real victimisation of women to include historically inaccurate concepts, such as ‘witch hunts were methods of controlling women’s knowledge’ to increase superiority; complete disownment of any moral responsibility for violence perpetrated or encouraged by TERFs

Doomsday Thinking

“Extremists often predict dire or catastrophic consequences from a situation or from failure to follow a specific course, and they tend to exhibit a kind of ‘crisis-mindedness’. It can be a Communist takeover, a Nazi revival, nuclear war, earthquakes (… etc. …) Whatever it is, it’s just around the corner unless we follow their program and listen to the special insight and wisdom, to which only the truly enlightened have access.”

TERF Example: Fair Play For Women’s unrealistic theory that if Gender Recognition Certificates were easier to get, women’s prisons would be flooded with trans sex offenders instantly.

Belief that it’s okay to do bad things in service of a good cause

“Extremists may deliberately lie, distort, misquote, slander, defame, or libel their opponents or critics, engage in censorship or repression, or undertake violence in “special cases”.”

TERF Example: Wetmeadow ‘distorting’ my post on the cotton ceiling to imply that I was saying same-sex attraction is a mental illness, to discredit me.

Emphasis on Emotional Response (and less on logical analysis and reasoning)

“Extremist have an unspoken reverence for propaganda, which they may call ‘education’ or ‘consciousness-raising’. Symbolism plays an exaggerated role in their thinking and they tend to think imprecisely and metamorphically.”

TERF Example: ‘consciousness-raising’ has a long history in extreme radfem spaces; in recent online spaces it’s more often called ‘peak trans’.

Hypersensitivity and Vigilance

“Extremists perceive hostile innuendo in even casual comments; imagine rejection and antagonism concealed in honest disagreement and dissent; […] Although few extremists are clinically paranoid, many of them adopt a paranoid style with its attendant hostility and distrust.”

TERF Example: Exposinglesphob’s entire blog

Problems Tolerating Ambiguity and Uncertainty

“[T]he ideologies and belief systems to which extremists tend to attach themselves often represent grasping for certainty in an uncertain world, or an attempt to achieve absolute security in an environment that is naturally unpredictable […] Extremists exhibit a kind of risk-aversiveness that compels them to engage in controlling and manipulative behaviour, both on a personal level and in a political context.”

TERF Example: “What do you mean, someone’s gender or sex might be ambiguous?? Woman is a biological term for adult human females, it’s simple”

Inclination towards “GroupThink”

“‘Groupthink’ involves a tendency to conform to group norms and to preserve solidarity and concurrence at the expense of distorting members’ observations of facts, conflicting evidence, and disquieting observations [… Extremists may] only talk with one another, read material that reflects their own views, and can be almost phobic about the ‘propaganda’ of the ‘other side’. The result is a deterioration in reality-testing, rationality, and moral judgement.”

TERF Example: Any source I give is bad, even if they’re genuinely trying to say that wikipedia is ‘good research’.

Tendency to Personalise Hostility

“Extremists often wish for the personal bad fortune of their ‘enemies’ and celebrate when it occurs.”

TERF Example: The fact that pretty much every person who isn’t a TERF and who discourses has been told to kill themselves.

Extremists often feel that the system is no good unless they win

“If public opinion turns against them, it was because of ‘brainwashing’. If their followers become disillusioned, it’s because of ‘sabotage’.”

TERF Example: Ex-terfs like myself either are just too dumb to understand radical feminism, or we never even existed in the first place.

[dreamersscape]

Note: This ask is from ages upon ages ago, and I’d like to offer my deepest apologies to whoever requested this. It was very important to me that I answer  thoroughly and in as articulate a manner as possible, and I’m embarrassed how slow accomplishing that took me. I hope that somehow you’re able to see this post, and you’re able to get something out of my rambling.

Thank you again for your patience in awaiting my answer, nonnie! I’m excited to put this headcanon of mine into words. It’s not often I have really specific and/or detailed HCs, I’ll admit; usually I stick to extrapolating off of canon. And while that’s sort of what I’ve done here, it seems to have happened mostly on a subconscious level, stewing until I realized a pattern forming within nearly all my fic plot bunnies.

It’s also possibly a key to how I understand Allan as a character, so… that’s kinda cool.

Okay, so Allan doesn’t really present as an overly anxious person, does he? At least, not in comparison to some of the other characters, like Much, who is utterly incapable of suppressing his anxiety. If Much is feeling apprehensive about something, you’re going to know it. So why then did I begin to notice my habit of, once he’s been stressed past a certain point, characterizing Allan’s emotional breaking points almost always as him tailspinning into a state of profound anxiety/panic? Well, partly because Allan just really REALLY sucks at dealing with negative experiences/emotions. His preferred method of coping with anything is to internalize the heck out of it, stuff it deep down inside, and then hope he never has to think about it ever again i.e. avoidance at all costs. And that appears to work… for awhile. He’s good at living in the present, ignoring past events and future repercussions. (Side note: a big reason why I also think substance abuse or other similar escapes could be quite alluring to him.) Eventually though, because it’s never been dealt with or even confronted, something triggers the release of all that pent up stress and negativity. He basically builds this towering pile of Bad Things, and so when it gets knocked over, it manages to completely overwhelm him. But until he’s thrown off-kilter and the pile loses balance and tips over, he’s mostly able to coast along, maintaining a relatively calm exterior while mired in turbulent inner seas.

Now, I realize I haven’t given much in the way of evidence for this yet, or explained why I think this all happens within the framework of a very anxious mindset. Hopefully I’m getting there. But that preceding paragraph is there to show how I find I characterize Allan as a result. (I probably wouldn’t have figured out this pattern of sorts if I could ever resist making things the Absolute Worst Imaginable Confluence of Events for Allan in my fic ideas, but that’s a “problem” for another day.)

What I’ve found is the key for me to get in Allan’s head and see things from his perspective is this: fear is his #1 motivator and it constantly feeds into his #1 priority, which is self-preservation. That goal of personal safety develops and eventually changes over the course of the show, but certainly for the greater part of the first two seasons, that is what primarily drives him. (For what I believe drives him from the end of 2x12 onwards, see here.)

For the most part, I’d say it’s pretty safe to say self-preservation-as-priority-number-one in regards to Allan’s character is generally widely accepted by the fans of the show. But opinions on why and how that came to be might vary more. I don’t know, maybe proposing that fear is the major driving force behind Allan’s decisions and behavior is not very revolutionary, but that is what I’d like to posit and explore in this post.

So, why do I think Allan is constantly consumed by his own personal well being above all else, to the point where its essentially become an automatic filter overlaying the way he interacts with the world? (I’m not intending to dramatically overstate things here, BTW; this is just how deeply ingrained I believe it is.) To me, this indicates at some point early on in his life something or a series of events convinced Allan that the world was an inherently dangerous place and you needed to always be on your guard for the next threat around any corner. This trauma could have taken a variety of forms depending on your headcanon,  but IMO it’s clear from Allan’s canonical behavior that it happened. Things that could point to this include, but are not limited to, the sparse background information we do learn about (Tom abandoning him and simultaneously stealing all his belongings, his apparent total lack of vocation despite his father being a blacksmith) as well as how he interacts with his brother (his over-identification with Tom–”I was like him once”–mixed in with the understandable trust issues, Tom’s borderline antisocial behavior in general, and I also wrote here about how their dynamic possibly alludes to a dysfunctional home life). With that as a fundamental part of your worldview, it’s easy to understand why you and your anxiety might have become good friends. He has no base level understanding or measure of being/feeling safe. Or maybe he once did, but there isn’t a way to go back or recapture that.

Another component of Allan’s anxiety I’d like to highlight is his personal locus of control. Locus of control is a psychology term that evaluates ‘the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control.’ It’s usually described in terms of being internal (belief that one can control one’s own life) or external (belief that life is controlled by outside factors which the person cannot influence, or that chance or fate controls their lives). ‘Individuals with a strong internal locus of control believe events in their life derive primarily from their own actions: for example, when receiving exam results, people with an internal locus of control tend to praise or blame themselves and their abilities. People with a strong external locus of control tend to praise or blame external factors such as the teacher or the exam.’ I definitely believe Allan has an external-based locus of control, and I think we see this in how reactive and defensive he is to his environment and in his tendency to shift the blame or not take personal responsibility for his actions. As opposed to Marian’s and Robin’s “everything is a choice” mantra, Allan often feels he has/had “no choice”, or feels “stuck”. Consequently, this lack of perceived ability to dictate and be accountable for one’s actions can make you feel very powerless. And if you believe the world is a unpredictable, dangerous place and there’s little you can do to affect or change that, you’d likely feel pretty fearful and anxious. Indeed, there has been research that concludes that people with an external locus of control tend to be more stressed and are more prone to clinical depression.

Now, I realize the preceding two paragraphs are either relying heavily on speculation or pretty technical terminology, so I’d like to conclude by referring directly to Allan’s behavior as evidence of his frequent anxiety. It is still in production, but I am working on a comprehensive gifset of every time Allan outwardly demonstrates anxiety. I’ll link it here once it’s finished. (Spoiler warning: it’s going to be a whopper of a gifset.) But until then, I think it’s notable that Allan exhibits a wide range of behaviors that typically denote anxiety. Licking his lips, swallowing/gulping, sweaty palms, fidgeting with something in his hands (could also be a sign of excess energy, but there are three instances of this in the first two episodes of the show alone, and this often seems to happen when it’s implied Allan has excess nervous energy), shifty eyes or a gaze that is unable to meet anyone else’s, hands on head in dismay, etc. It’s subtle because Allan’s doing his best to suppress it–he doesn’t want it to show because that would mean looking vulnerable/weak, which is not safe and a terrifying prospect when you live in a unpredictable, dangerous world–but if you’re looking for it, it’s there.

In summary, on the outside Allan projects a calm, self-assured, doesn’t-take-anything-too-seriously, cheerful, amiable image. And that is a legitimate part of who he is. He’s cultivated that facade for so long that it has taken on a life of its own. However, on the inside, he is ALSO a lot of the time an unsure, self-doubting, self-destructive, fearful, angst-ridden bundle of nerves. So that’s why when I read a story where Allan is ONLY portrayed as the former with none of the latter, it just doesn’t feel like Allan to me. In those cases, it’s as though I’m reading about a vaguely Allan-shaped empty shell. And I get it–it’s hard to always show all those sides of Allan when he’s not one of the main characters or he’s not the primary focus of the fic. Or the author might not be at all inclined to have Allan’s role be more than a surface level portrayal, and that’s okay. Not everything should be about Allan! But I also think there is often room for hints; Allan’s facade does have cracks. All this to say, Allan’s layers and contradictions are an intrinsic part of his character’s essence for me, including his anxieties/insecurities/fears, and his life has largely been built on that apprehensive foundation.

TL;DR Allan’s anxiety not only exists, it dictates much of what he thinks, says, and does, and the poor guy needs a ton of therapy.

sources for the locus of control info:

Rotter, Julian B (1966). “Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement”. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied. 80: 1–28. Carlson, N.R., et al. (2007). Psychology: The Science of Behaviour - 4th Canadian ed.. Toronto, ON: Pearson Education Canada. Benassi, Victor A; Sweeney, Paul D; Dufour, Charles L (1988). “Is there a relation between locus of control orientation and depression?”. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. 97 (3): 357–367.

[callistolivia]

Observations of the Water Signs

 According to astrologer Charles E. O. Carter, part of what makes the water signs yin to the fire signs yang is that the water signs represent behaviours like caution, prudence, and fear/worry opposed to the fire elementals “unchecked” behaviours.   As one astrologer may imagine, excess of fire elemental in a person can manifest foolish behaviours like over-confidence and lack of foresight. A healthy, understood Moon and a balance of water elemental can put fire signs in check.  In the water signs, excess of water without a healthy way of dealing with it can lead to troubling behaviours because they are so sensitive to themselves and their environment. The water signs are very prone to developing behaviours to guard themselves to avoid repeating “mistakes” or situations they read as dangerous.   I observed this in quite a few Cancers. At first, misjudging their lifestyle choices for simply a lifestyle choice, prying a little deeper, their lifestyle choices were the consequence of something and a survival behaviour.  Now, I know what you’re thinking; “we all behave as a consequence of something.” Yes, that is true and is reflected in our Moon sign, but it’s the particular course of action the water signs take in order to overcome the thing they view as adversity. For example, say a fiery individual lends money to a friend and that friend doesn’t pay them back. Most likely the fiery individual will learn not to lend money to that friend or even forgive them. Then say a Scorpio also lends money to a friend and experiences the same issue with not being paid back; a Scorpio is more likely to hold a grudge against that friend and may even decide its best to never lend money to anyone ever again. Of course there are exceptions in that scenario like how much does that Scorpio value money over the friend, but you get the point.   Back to my observation of Cancers, one case in particular was a male Cancer who boasted about his casual encounters with women which eventually gave him a reputation of someone who is unromantic and can’t settle down. As a person who is very much the opposite, I’m always curious to know the reason for accepting this type of lifestyle and reputation. He opened up about it and it’s actually a defence mechanism developed from a relationship he was serious about that ended due to the other person breaking his trust. From that, he rejected the romantic and a lot of the emotional needs he had to avoid getting hurt again. Its survival instinct to him, it’s self-preservation. Water signs are very much “well, I won’t do that again” when the world isn’t sympathetic to their actions or straight up “I won’t try that at all” when their conscious foresight tells them it’s too risky. Water signs can be quite cunning in that sense. They think before they do, but when they think too much, the timid character tends to come out. 

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The Haunting No Reply

Ghosting, everyone has experienced it and everyone has done it. But what is wrong with telling someone you aren’t interested? We seem to be in an age where we have to go off signals and behaviours of our own interpretations which only lead us down the rabbit hole of uncertainty falling into the all too familiar questions, why hasn’t he replied? Is he talking to other girls? Is he even interested? Should I have done this instead? Did I do something wrong? The last question being the biggest question that constantly plays on the mind which no doubt leads to - well what is wrong with me? Absolutely nothing! It’s on them and this was honestly one of the hardest things for me to get a hold of and since we are telling the truth, it is still hard to grasp at times.

As much as some of us don’t like to admit it, we are creatures of habit. Most of the time you can tell by a person’s behaviour how interested they are... for example, are they asking questions back or are they trying to end the conversation, what is the response rate like, are they now taking 5 seconds as opposed to 0.02 seconds to reply, where was my good morning message, who is suggesting the meet ups and what is the meet up, etc. We get attached to the routine of our communication with another. This is even with friends and family - for example, even though I live out of home, I will still message my parents when I go out of town to let them know I got to the destination safely. With potential partners you fall into this habit of knowing around what time they will message you throughout the day or know they aren’t available to chat at certain times due to sporting or other commitments. We can’t help it. So it’s when their behaviour changes the questions begin and your own behaviour changes... You are no longer the cool chilled chick you were a few days ago and you start to rattle your brain;

- Idiot! Why did you put hahaha when haha would have been plenty?

- Who is he with?

- What if I send one more message to see if he replies?

- Is my phone broken?

- Is their phone broken?

- I’ll send a Snapchat aimed for them but also generalised so they don’t think it was sent just to them

Now I’m going to use my favourite analogy, I came up with this one after a guy ghosted me then after a few months told me why. Go back to when we were talking, would I have been upset, yes, however, I would have dusted off gotten back up and moved on a lot quicker because by ghosting it meant it still had a hold in my mind as it always felt unfinished even though we knew it was done - closure, it’s what everyone needs but most of the time doesn’t get. By waiting that time it left me in my own head, which most will agree, is not the most ideal place to be. You only have yourself to battle with and more often than not you lose.

So anyway - my analogy, guys seem to treat us like porcelain dolls, wrapped tightly in bubble wrap, they unwrap us by being the guy we want them to be, take us on nice dates, one layer gone, message replies are instant and engaging, another layer gone, suggests future plans and wants to start including you in social events with friends, that’s me pretty much unwrapped exposing my delicate self for them to take care of. Then, then comes the ghosting. Guys see this delicate porcelain doll and they don’t want to break it so they place it on the shelf never to acknowledge it. It shouldn’t be the guys concern for breaking us, yes you leave some cracks but lucky we know how to put ourselves back together. It should be about how you handle it, place the doll on the shelf and it’ll eventually get knocked off, taking longer to be put back together, but wrap it back up in a layer of bubble wrap and it’s good to go to another home. Know what I’m saying!?

So how do we date? Lay it all on the table and see what they eat up? Or deliver ourselves in small courses to slowly get through the meal of getting to know someone?

I’m going to share a recent dating experience, this one was hook line and sinker direct, lay it all on the table.... Let’s call him B. B seemed super confident through texts, we had a pretty good first date discovering we had a lot in common and the potential for it to go further was on the table. I was right out of my comfort zone with this one only because he became very intense within a few hours.... yep I’m sticking to hours. We went from hey lets hang out again to hey I’ve told every man and his dog about you and me and they can’t wait to meet you, are you free 2025 for a family holiday oh and also what should we call our kids? Woah woah woah, lets back up about 50 steps and go on a second date. (I wish I was kidding but we hadn’t even had a second date).

So B was super intense, I didn’t really know how to handle it, do I ghost because his pursing was too much for me, do I be up front and say the all-time classic – it’s not you it’s me or do I play it out and see what happens. Maybe it’s just the hype of meeting or the excitement that we’ve clicked on a few levels, maybe, just maybe he will settle down with it after another date. Nope, second date came around and it was full steam ahead, are we a thing? Can we continue this? Do you want to meet my friends? When can I meet your friends? I’ll step to the side and I say I did get a little caught up with the prospect of it all knowing full well in the back of my head it wasn’t going to work long term and also in the background was my best friend holding up all the red flags and me being semi blinded to see them. Here’s where the story takes a turn, I can see where I went wrong on our second date but it is only while beginning to write this blog that I realised the domino affect it had on him.... by a silly (I thought funny, turns out not so much) comment I made and my change in behaviour over the days between dates he had begun to doubt himself and us together. He came across so confident at the start which was an attractive quality but suddenly, from my own observation - unable to confirm with him, I brought out some of his insecurities and I didn’t exactly comfort or acknowledge them which made me see a different side of him. He also went from showing full emotion to just blocking me out after trying to consult with him. In the end, when he had come to the conclusion I wasn’t the girl for him, he decided to ghost me. So we went from one extreme to another of messaging constantly and him providing ridiculous amounts of attention to nothing. This brings me to what I have found to be the different levels of ghosting;

1. The fade away - slowly stops replying, doesn’t use the same language in messages.

2. The “sorry been busy” - welcome to 2018 where we are constantly on our phones. If you can’t find a few moments to reply then you are not interested, kinda simple right?

3. The snapper - if you have each other on Snapchat the snaps will go from sending you more personal and funny things that remind you of the other to - look at my lunch, look at this dog, look at this pencil etc.

4. The Hello, are you still into me - will send messages every so often (mainly when drinking) to remind you that they are still there but also keep you at a distance as a back-up plan.

5. The mutual Ghost - where you are both on the same page of not being into each other but neither wants to end it so you both slowly go your separate ways.

AND of course! For the big finish

6. The cutter - everything is fine, he has been acting a little odd but nothing alarming, then wham bam thank you mam no reply and never hear from again (until you run into them at downstairs moose after one too many tequilas and start the cycle again).

So why ghost? Is it to save the persons feelings or is it more to avoid the awkward conversation around “what are we” because I can assure you both suck just as much. Of course no one likes rejection, I have never met someone who has said, hi I’m Stacey, my likes include being rejected and my dislikes are pineapple on pizza, I mean a girl likes her beauty therapist but isn’t thrilled by getting waxed. Where does this option of ghosting come into play? I personally would much prefer the “hey I’m just not that into you” message then you switch on me faster than Will Smith - turn around now - switch - never to speak again. For the guys and girls that think they are preserving the others feelings I’m sorry to say you aren’t.

Got a fair way through writing this blog before I thought I should get the perspective of my mates that have gone through ghosting and I got more than I wanted; she wrote about how she did the haunting without the realisation of how it affected the other, here’s a snippet of what she wrote;

“Guys have feelings too!

One of my guy friends said to me and at the time I always wondered why. Now years later I have reflected on his words and understand his situation. He was wanting me to want him and I was not the girl to do it.

I was not his person, but he was weighing it up in his head.”

Which brings me trying to speak on behalf of the male gender... wish me luck. Ok so I know girls can be just as bad when it comes to ghosting and games. Hearing stories of girls just using guys for attention or keeping them in their pocket until their Prince Charming comes along and I 110% don’t agree with this. It’s selfish, unkind and straight up a dick move. But its girls like that, that will often complain the most about mistreatment from guys. Which if you learn anything from this blog let it be this - treat a potential partner the way you want to be treated. You want to play mind games, expect them back, you want to stir and create jealously, don’t be shocked when it happens to you. To summarise - Don’t expect to be treated like a Princess when you treat them like a frog.

We can keep coming back to we don’t know another’s situations so many times before someone asks the question, well how do we know if we don’t try? Good question with no helpful answer. You can only try; you can line up 15 dates in a week and have 3 of them cancelled, 5 of them ghost you, 2 of them not your type, 3 of them just looking for a hook up and the other 2 being put into the potential bucket. You can let all this get to you or you can face it, claim it and get back on that horse.

I dated this one guy, you could put us in a blank white room and we would be entertained for hours by each other’s company, we could talk about the paint drying on the wall and it would be interesting. We had a lot in common and there was no pressure to be anyone but yourself, it was an incredible feeling. And then he ghosted me..... I’ve been ghosted plenty of times but I don’t think I will ever quite understand what happened with this one. Usually you can at least pick up little things, but the battle in my head says it was timing and his head space with the added reminder that it isn’t all on me. Ghosting doesn’t always hurt, but this one did. But hey, here I am dusted off writing about it and soldiering on. Because there is only so many times I can ask a brick wall why before the realisation of me not getting any answer becomes clear as day.

Andddd what’s the point of this all? Well a few things, ghosting is not the most ideal way to end things, but it is a common one, just be mindful of the situation and the other person before you leave them on read. Better to rip off the band aid!

As always here are some handy tips to finish this blog;

1. Every fairytale has an ever after and sometimes that ever after isn’t with that person, you’ll find your prince/princess soon

2. Don’t take it personally if you get ghosted, you have probably done it too

3. The reason behind why you get ghosted is not a reflection on you as a person

4. Honesty remains the best policy

5. Go out, have fun and you stay classy San Diego