#as of rn i have their number blocked + had them block me on here (they told me they found my blog and was weirdly rude about what i post)

[edraculation]

had a british (or something idk/idc) friend in 6th-7th grade so absolutely vile that i can never look at the "(:" smiley face again without reliving having to interact with them... deadass the worst person I have ever met and several of my family members are actual convicted felons

[herefortheships]

Anyone else had this happen to them today? I literally lost half my followers in a matter of minutes. I had 984 and suddenly now I have 492. I did have a period of time I think around 2016 where I was constantly followed by p*rn bots, but I would block them myself, so I'm not sure how I was followed by almost 500 bots? Assuming Tumblr is cranking down on the bots.

Anyway, there was a time I was mostly inactive here, though, it could have happened around that time, but I don't think so? I hadn't noticed my follower count was above the 400s (last time I had checked around 2014 that's what my follower count was, I think 380-something lol) until recently, when I had an uptick in followers after BJBJ, I noticed I had passed 900 which I thought was cool. Especially since I hadn't been much active since 2021. I don't know how many followers I had since, between 2014 to September when I started posting about Beetlejuice, but I remember it being in the 800s.

Who knows, maybe the being over 900 was the mistake and it's been corrected now, and I've always been in the 400s after all 😆. But yes, I did notice it just now because I had a notification and when I checked the Activity on my phone, I noticed I was no longer at 984. That is a huge drop in numbers which is why it made me go "huh?". 492 is literally the half of 984, so maybe my follower count was accidentally doubled before. Or for some reason Tumblr decided to remove half of my followers.

Let me know if this has happened to you too because I don't know what actually happened. Maybe I just got caught in a huge group block chain, but I highly doubt it 🤷🏻‍♀️. Also if you were following me and randomly aren't following me anymore, then that means Tumblr removed you, not me. I don't "soft block" people.

[jellybeanium124]

pathetic vent post lol

so the thursday before last, one of my coworkers told me she's quitting bc she got a job in the field she wants to have a career in. I was happy for her and told her so, but I also felt kind of sad, because she's a woman close in age to me and I've been thinking we could be friends if I wasn't technically her boss for a little while now. so finally near the end of our shifts (we were closing) I buck up and ask if her she'd want to exchange contact info and stay in touch and hang out after she left.

and y'all she looked so happy and excited to be asked that. absolutely 0 hints that her delighted response wasn't genuine. so she puts her number in my phone, and even takes a silly picture for the contact pic, and I send a test text and she responds to confirm it's her correct number.

on monday I text her about hanging out later in the week, with ideas. on tuesday I text her again, with new ideas if she didn't like my first ones. I didn't mean to double text two days in a row.

nothing.

I wait till yesterday and send her one last text, explaining that I really do wanna be friends, I am more chill outside of work and she's only seen Work Nina if that's what she's worried about, but that I don't wanna bother her.

it's been over 24 hours now, and nothing. part of me wonders if she changed her mind and blocked my number.

it's just really disheartening because I've had another person string me along and then not respond/continually cancel on me pretty recently. after my college friend group broke up thanks to the serial sexual predator (which is a whole nother story, dw he didn't do anything to me, in fact he refused to talk to me the first time we met when I introduced myself and tried to make polite small talk, and I realized several months later that he didn't engage with me at all because he didn't wanna fuck me 🙃) things have been kind of dire in the irl friends department and it's sad and pathetic and I thought finally here was a girl I really connected with, and she liked gossiping with me at work, and she seemed really really excited at the possibility of being real friends with me, and then nope... not a single response to any of my texts. zip nada zilch.

it's just hard... I was basically socially rejected by everyone in my film program at my uni, then I finally started to make friends at the jewish club and a serial predator with an apartment full of guns who sells stolen lego sets on ebay and does cocaine ruins that, and then I'm at work and now that I'm a manager I'm the boss of most people there and I wouldn't be close friends with most of them anyways and the one girl who I think I could be really close friends with fucking ghosts me after I was brave enough to ask if she'd wanna be friends. it's been like five straight years of rejection for me. I always had friends in k-12, I wasn't a "popular kid" but I was well liked among the venn diagram of gays, nerds, theater kids, and band kids and I had a lot of friends in high school. I don't fucking know what happened. and now I'm on meds that are finally giving me energy and happy chemicals so I wanna go out, I wanna do stuff, I wanna walk around, and I don't wanna be an apartment slug anymore but I don't have anyone to do anything with and there's only so much fun you can have by yourself. and I'm still too shy to go to a bar alone because I know I'll stand in the corner paralyzed by social anxiety. I'm trying bumble bff rn but I'm so shit at responding to people and I kinda hate myself for it and I'm trying to do better but I keep not responding to people for too long and yeah maybe my ex-coworker is stuck in that cycle too idk.

oh yeah and the whole past year of antisemitism makes everything worse because I'm deeply realistically afraid that any goyim I meet are going to be hateful hamasniks <3 so that's a fun lil bonus.

jesus man... idfk. it's just shitty. it's just fucking shitty.

[softcarebears]

HOCO WEEK 9/21-9/28

monday 

41. ga tells me that he has a crush on this girl bow that i used to be bsfs w/ before she moved to the other side of cali

42. me and bbsf become close w/ bow 

43. ga tells ginger and bbsf that he likes bow

tuesday  (nothing happened)

wednesday 

44. me and pinkie go get our tickets for hoco 

45. pinkie gets bullied bc she’s (not to be rude to furries cuz idrc abt that do what u want, the context in which she does it makes it weird) wearing a hot pink hoodie w/ cat paws, giant REAL fox tail hanging from her belt and has a cat headband on and also wants to be called a japaneses name (she’s 100% white)

46. i find out that the only real reason i haven’t been over to pinkie’s house is bc she has a wall of real animal bones that she doesn’t properly clean that have bugs in them 

47. i leave pinkie to go w/ a and turtle bc they’re like my bsfs 

48. pinkie gets pissy and skips fourth block

thursday 

49. tutorial time, me and bbsf share my water, bbsf mentions that i’ve done his makeup before. i wouldn’t normally bring that up cuz it’s very common for us but this leads to turtle further trying to get us together 

friday 

50. hoco rally, i sit w/ cowgirl, pinkie, pinkie’s friend tootsie and my friend from dance and drama, ruby 

51. turtle and a sit behind us and i mainly talk to them and ruby the entire rally, pinkie is oddly nice abt it

52. i walk up to bbsf, bear and bow after 4th block ends and apparently pushed bbsf into to bushes and cut him the fuck up 

53. hoco game, band/colorguard get new uniforms (aka bbsf, five, berry, zim and no name)

54. me, pinkie, cowgirl and tootsie sit by band section to hangout w/ them

55. 8pm i have a breakdown bc that officially marks 2 years of my dad being dead

56. obvi all of my friends try to comfort me 

57. pinkie tries to make it about her for some reason

58. one of my friends wins hoco queen

saturday

59. me and pinkie go to a boba shop to take pics before hoco 

60. we run into bbsf who was across the street

61. we get to the school and i go get my friend diamond 

62. bbsf finally arrives

63. bbsf pulls me into a hug (and rejects pinkie’s hug after) 

64. me, diamond and our other friend fuego (can u tell i’ve run out of names) r all dancing when ga, ginger and a guy who i think i mentioned once like a year ago all come up to me and ask if i’ve seen bbsf 

65. like an hour goes bye and i find out the trio is planning on jumping bbsf

66. i send that voice message to bbsf 

67. i find bbsf and we have, the best way to describe it, a moment…

68. bbsf leaves early

69. bbsf’s older sister finds out abt the almost jumping and chews the trio out

70. a bunch of other shit happened bc i was bouncing around like 4 groups but this is called the bbsf saga so everything else will have to wait until the other sagas

HEY POOKIESTAR! sorry for letting that ask marinate...i was very busy (i was lazy bababooing BUT IM HEREE!!😔)

also miss gworl i'm in the middle of a cyclone class 3 rn hehe..but cyclone is not really cycloning...ITS MORE CYCLOWNING🤡

ohhh so ga basically was threatening to jump BBSF because he bbsf grew close to manic pixie dream bow girl BECAUSE HE GA HAD A CRUSH ON HER OHHH

so bow came back from other side of cali very demure...

PINKIE IS A FURRY WTF...she wears a tail and wants to be called a japanese name ITS GIVING ASIANFISHING

..um..chile anyways...hell naw...does make sense though she acts like a feral child...🥱#imapinkiehater100percent

"me and bbsf share my water"FIRST THE SLUSHIE NOW THIS?? JUST SAY YOU WANNA KISS HIM AND SHARE SALIVA U STOOPID biatch U ARE DOWN BAD IN SUPERLATIVE FORM SO THAT MEANS YOU ARE "DOWN WORST"

"bbsf mentions that i’ve done his makeup before." i have a theory about this particular part...ill say in the end but im hella delulu yknow so don't listen to my words 100 percent lmfao (you should actually listen to me)

everyone else's names:🎀🌈✨💎🌺🦌🧸

the others:

for number 55 oh noo pookie im sorry to hear that...fawk pinkie...CAN'T SHE JUST SHUT HER GOOFY FURRY ASS UP

HE REJECTED PINKIE'S HUG AND PULLED U IN A HUGGGGG BOMBOCLATTTTT HE A MAN OF CULTURE HE LIKES YOU GIRL JUST FUCKING DATE ALREADYYYYY HOW MANY SIGNS ARE U TRYNA LOOK FOR U BLIND ASS

Y'ALL HAD A MOMENT OH MAHHHH GAWDDDDDD and not u saving him...stawp!! its giving hero x damsel in distress trope; bbsf is the damsel in distress ofc🎀

haiya but why did he try to frolick in the meadow with bow though...tskk i feel like he is kinda a player my dakoko 🥥

anyways my theory about the makeup thing...because i am a whore in THEORY and not in practice (i am but secretly hehe at times dw...3-5 business days)

ok so when u do someone's makeup...YOUR FACE IS CLOSE TO THEIRS RIGHTTTTT....you get what i mean...there is so much proximity there is no distance at all...BABABOOI

similar to when you are about to kiss someone [coughs coughs]...so the fact that he "randomly" remembered AND SEEMINGLY POINTS THAT OUT OF THE BLUE shows that this particular and notably phenomenal romantic and very intimate moment that emerged from the planets and stars from the milky way galaxy aligning [pro poetic yapper] has marked him or left an impact on him yknow what i mean...LIKE HE MIGHT THINK OF THIS MOMENT EVERY NIGHT OR SO OFTEN THAT HIS TOES ARE TINGLING OR HE IS GIGGLING AND BLUSHING LIKE A MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRL IN HIS ROOM...like y'all were close to kissing...he definitely was examining your face perhaps HIGH CHANCE of him staring at your lips [cutely sips her pomegranate tea under the covers with plenty of passion🍵🔥that shit bussing btw]

also him mentioning that shows his interest in you also in all delulu interpretation that this particular mention to you evokes a sense that he may have been secretly inquiring about whether you remember that very intimate moment of high chance of smoochy smooch camouflaged by you doing his makeup...to see if you have feelings for him or have a romantic interest in him...VOILA!!🎀

bai bai

[sharpth1ng]

Hiii Sharpie sharpy sharp knife guy, do you have. Any WRITING TIPS. ANY AT ALL./nf 🧍‍♂️

Trying to work on a fic it was going so well broski ! I lost all my writing knowledge overnight jelphelp help HELP 🙏

I mean it sounds like you're stuggling with writers block so I do have some specific suggestions.

Don't panic, you haven't lost your writing knowledge. Creation isn't a consistent, linear process and its normal to have it fluctuate. Usually when we feel like we've lost skill or have plateaued our brains are actually just processing and working through things we'll be able to use later. I promise the knowledge isn't gone and writers block won't last forever.

If you've been working on the same project this whole time and you're having trouble moving forward on it then try working on something else. When I get blocked working on my main fic I either jump ahead to work on a scene I had planned for later or I switch to work on a wip for a while. Doing this can give your brain a little break and allow you to passively process. There's actually a lot of research indicating that we a whole lot of processing when we aren't actively thinking about the thing we're trying to process. Also working on something else might help you see what you're working on from a different angle, which could help you overcome the block.

If you're struggling with figuring out a specific detail, conversation, or character reaction, it can help to spend a little time on background world building. This is why I have wardrobe moodboards, playlists, and a number of other pieces of characterization that may never be mentioned in the fic but that help me understand my characters and the world they inhabit. Not all details need to be explicit and present for the purpose of your story, but I think it does help to fill them out as much as possible for your own purposes. Another way to do this is to find some of those ask lists that float around tumblr and answer them as that character. Sometimes the character wont have an answer to a question, or they may think its stupid or flat out refuse to answer it, and that's an important piece of characterization as well. A character is as much defined by what they wont say as by what they will.

I think those are my best pieces of advice I can come up with rn! But just in case, here's another post I made with some writing advice in the past:

[roses-for-rosalyn]

Try Me

part 3

part 1, part 2

minors dni pls!! 🔞 (I will find you)

I wrote this because I'm having writers block and I don't feel like working on my Abby fic rn lol. I also have been bed ridden with a weird cold so there's that. There's barely any plot here it's literally just porn.

content warnings: Dealer! Ellie (sort of), teasing, dom! Ellie, Sub! reader, Fem! reader, Fingering (r! receiving), dirty talk, mentions of drugs, and as always no use of y/n

word count: 1.6k

----------------------------------------------------------------------

So you’re back. Staring at the number “400”. The three brass digits you know all too well nailed on the chipped, rust colored door. It’s been about a week since your last interaction. The interaction that you can’t think about without your cheeks turning bright red. The interaction that had you hands down your lace panties every night since then, biting your lips, barely able to contain your moans. God, you needed her so bad. 

This time you weren’t sure why you were here. She just kind of asked you to come over text. The words “come over.” lighting up on your phone screen under her name. It’s embarrassing how quickly you agreed with no questions asked. I mean after what she did for you last time, she could ask you to eat dirt and you’d do it willingly. 

You finally knock twice and patiently wait for the door to open. You hear footsteps approaching and the door swings open to reveal Ellie. She was in her usual skinny jeans and tank top, but no flannel. Her toned muscles and tattoo are perfectly on display. Your mouth becomes dry and you have to swallow before speaking.

“Hi.” 

“Hey.” She’s smiling, looking you up and down. You're wearing your usual pajama shorts and sweatshirt, but this time you took extra care to put on a matching bra and pantie set, just in case. It was desperate and weird, but the payoff could be worth it. 

Ellie was looking at you with this intimidating hunger that almost made you want to put on a second sweatshirt. You smile back at her and she turns to her side to let you in. You start to make your way towards the couch again when Ellie grabs your wrist and tugs you towards her. You stumble right into her chest and look up at her green eyes. Her hair was messily framing her face and you could make out the freckles dotting her nose. She was breathing a bit heavy, you could feel her chest heaving against yours. 

“God I missed you.” She doesn’t give you time for a response before she lightly grabs your jaw and kisses you. Hard. Her lips are so soft and warm and inviting you melt into her, unable to control your body’s reaction. She pulls away still breathing heavily and looks deep into your eyes with that same hunger. 

“Bedroom.” You just nod in response, that kiss rendering you momentarily speechless. She makes her way to what you had assumed was the bedroom holding your hand to guide you. 

“We can smoke later, but this needs to happen now before I lose my mind and end up accidentally ripping your pretty clothes.” You feel the wetness between your legs grow at her comment. 

“Well I’m glad you aren’t planning on destroying my clothes. They’re the only ones I brought.” You smile a little. 

Ellie sits down on the bed and grabs your hips so you're standing between her spread legs. She runs her hands down from your hips to your thighs and says “That just makes me want to destroy them more.” She looks up at you and smirks. 

She runs her fingers along the hem of your shorts and slowly moves them down. Her warm hands tickle your skin as she tugs your pajamas downwards. She lets the shorts pool at your feet and takes a moment to stare at your lace underwear. She places a few kisses along the waistband gently and then looks back up at you. Her warm hands are lightly gripping your hips, keeping you steady.  She runs her hands along the hem of the sweatshirt and says “Take this off for me princess.” 

You obey and tug the sweatshirt up over your head and discard it on the floor. Ellie looks you up and down with surprise and an increased desire to rip your clothing. 

“You dressed up all pretty for me?” She smirks and even as she’s sitting below you she intimidates you. 

“Maybe.” You breathe out now a bit embarrassed. 

“Admit it.You were craving this again from the moment you left.” She says with an evil smile. “You’ve stuffed your cute little hands down your panties countless times thinking about me huh?” You can’t even respond to that, she was too right. 

She laughs and looks back down at her hands grazing your underwear, “Don’t worry I haven’t been able to get your pretty moans out of my head.” 

“Really?” You’re genuinely shocked considering you really didn’t do much for her during your last encounter. She had you too blissed out to even offer.  

She moves from her position on the edge of the bed to sitting propped up against the pillows at the head of the bed. “Yea, really. Now come here princess.” She gestures between her legs. You move so you're leaning up against her chest, her warm body radiating against you. She starts kissing her way down your neck while her hands move to your stomach. Her soft hands grope your breasts massaging the soft skin, causing you to let out a breathy sigh. 

“So perfect for me.” She whispers roughly into your neck. Her voice causes you to whimper hips bucking up from the ache building between your legs. She moves her hands down your stomach and grazes them on top of your panties. Teasing her fingers across the lacey material. You begin to squirm a bit involuntarily but she stills you by casting her other arm across your lower belly. 

“Stay still for me, pretty girl. I want to take my time with you this time.” 

 “Ok,” You breathily reply. You have to grip the bed sheets at the sound of her demanding voice.  

She cups your cunt roughly and you let out a soft moan in response to the pressure. You lean your head back on her shoulder trying not to buck your hips up into her hands. 

“God you just do exactly what I ask, don’t you, my good girl?” She mutters before kissing your neck, sucking lightly. “You can move against me princess, make yourself feel good.” You sigh in relief and begin lightly rocking against Ellie’s hand desperate for any kind of relief. You start to grind a little faster against her letting out a soft moan at every little movement. Ellie moves her hand up and down your slit still on top of your soaking panties. She moves her finger in slow circles on your clit and you’re not sure how much more you can take. Your hands grip the sheets harder, you’re convinced you’re going to rip them with how frustrated you are. 

“Please.” You whimper out, unable to contain your need for her to touch you where you needed her. 

“Gonna need you to beg a bit harder than that princess.” You can hear the snarkiness in her voice, but it didn’t change your desperation. 

“Please Ellie, Please, I’ll do whatever you want just please.” With that Ellie pulls your panties to the side and swipes a finger up your slit. She moves her finger up and down collecting the wetness that had pooled between your legs. Without warning she starts moving your clit in circles with her finger. You moan out in relief, finally the ache between your legs was being tended to. She moved her finger slowly massaging your clit gently. When your breathing started to pick up she started moving her finger a bit faster. Ellie moved her finger down to circle your tight entrance. Once you opened up for her she slowly inserted her finger into your cunt. You moan as she curls her finger upwards repeatedly, hitting you right where you needed her. She inserted a second finger and you let out a whine as your muscles stretch and contract around her fingers. She starts moving her fingers in and out of you faster, hitting that spongy spot so perfectly you can’t even manage to make any noise. Just when you’re convinced you can’t take anymore she takes her thumb and starts moving your clit in slow circles. This almost sends you over the edge. Your back started to arch and a loud moan was forced out of you at every thrust of her fingers. 

“Ellie I’m gonna..” You whine out.

“Not until I say pretty girl.” She spreads your legs out further, hooking hers around yours. She thrusts her fingers inside you even harder, hitting you right at that spongy spot so hard you see stars. 

“Ellie I can’t..” You beg, not sure how much longer you can last.

“Alright, come for me princess.” Almost immediately your muscles violently contract around Ellie’s fingers, your hips bucking up against her hand. You squint your eyes shut at the overwhelming pleasure coursing through your body. Ellie fucks you through the whole thing, never slowing down. Your body goes through waves of pleasure that cause you to moan embarrassingly loud. “That’s it, so, so perfect.”

 You start to come down and Ellie still doesn’t let up, you have to grab her tattooed arm to get her to slow down. She eventually pulls her fingers out of you. She brings them up to her mouth and sucks them clean, humming with satisfaction. She gently grabs your jaw and turns you so she can kiss you. She’s gentle and warm and soft and you are sure you must have melted into a puddle of your former self.  Your limbs feel like jelly and all you can feel is Ellie. All you can hear is your breathing synchronized with hers and you could fall asleep right here. 

“Could use a nap.” You murmur. 

“You can sleep here, we just have to get ya cleaned up a bit.” You nod weakly.

“It’s your turn next time, okay?” You manage to slur out sleepily. You feel like you owe her at this point. Although, she doesn’t even give you a chance before she has you incapacitated. 

“I’ll do whatever you want, princess.” 

good night lovie dovies! lmk what you think! As always any Ellie or Abby requests are welcome 💕🪷

[softmeetscreatureplz]

My name is Enea and/or Charlie [and more-],,

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Might forget to update this but-

HAVE I HIT POST LIMIT: NO

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"I'm not the best at socializing so please let me know if I accidentally mess up or make a mistake"

Posts made by me/where i talk about lot are tagged #eneas rambles <3 so feel free to go into that tag to see my stuff

[My strawpage!]

-☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}☆-

> Some stuff about me... (please read at some point lol-)

○ Demiromantic Quoiromantic/wtfromantic & Demisexual alterous attraction ♡ (I always feel like i have too many labels (´－ω－))

○ He/She/Xe/They/It !~♡ (I have no real preference rn, go wild with whatever you want!)

> Just. Genderfluid? Genderflux?? One of the two. Genderqueer flavor (≖v≖ )

○ All my names! Charlie, or Enea, are the two most common so feel free to just use those, but I also use/like Eyes, Poe (read lower for why-), Nebulae, & any nicknames/pet names!

○ Platonically Married to @not-so-myconid-witch ; my amazing dearest wife

○ Here is my pronouns page!

○ [Step] Mom to @thatoneguyfromtheantivoid amazing awesome adorable child ♡♡

○ Nerodivergent in some type of way; definitely social anxiety/anxiety at the least, plus autism and/or other things are also likely. I really don't know what for sure though cause getting any diagnosises is currently impossible 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜. Also probably have RSD (as moot has pointed out) so unm keep that in mind ig?? (๑-﹏-๑)

○ Please tell me if I make make a social mistake or accidently make you feel uncomfortable so I can correct myself!!!!!!

○ Tired as fuck 89% of the time (ー.ー# )

○ Bear therian! Or- something. But I definitely feel like a bear, a lot of the time, and other times I feel a lot like a nebula- so I'm also a nebulakin as well. Have had a couple wings shifts as well, so I am also a bit of a wing-kin of a sort. Anyway- bearkin, nebulakin, wingkin, and (maybe?) Poe fictive (from bsd)! ✨️✨️✨️

○ Proshipper! Sorry if you don't like it. Feel free to block or send hate, idc either way lol ¯\_(ᵕ—ᴗ—)_/¯

Some things I like! ...

○ Nebulae are fucking awesome and i love them!!! Also like, sorta a nebula kin? It comes and goes.

○ Anime, Youtube, & Ao3. The best trio. (૭ ｡•̀ ᵕ •́｡ )૭

○ I will post about stuffed animals occasionally because I absolutely love them. Not as much as i should, but still.

○ Writing! I love writing, but I also end up procrastinating a lot, so feel free to send me things to write and pester me about it! ☆

○ Feel free to talk to me about time travel theory, mutiverse theory(ies?), and/or reincarnation theories. (I did make an post on this already if you want to go looking for it!~)

○ Drawing/painting! I have a lot of fun doing both of these, especially for my fav character/s (Currently Chuuya Nakahara from BSD)

○ Poetry!! I can talk for ages about the implications and themes and meanings and possible stories and connections lol-.

Extra ! ...

○ Bungo stray dogs ! Bsd Chuuya is my blorbo, Arahabaki is one of my favourites, and I relate to Poe a lot- which isbkinda a 'duh' i guess cause (at least currently) i am a Poe fictionkin. Anyways- main ships are skk & ranpoe just so you know more than happy to ramble about them- especially Chuuya

○ Old blog: @wordswordsorswordswords

(Feel free to go stalk it lol, but it hasn't been updated in awhile so the info there is NOT as valid as what's up on here!!)

○ Vent/disturbing blog : @prettybloodandribcages

○ (Post of things to do on a bad night/boring night)

○ I also have a fair number of BSD rp blogs!! Ask if u want lol but I'm not gonna put em here (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

List of posts to go see occasionally: (be yourself actively,

>>>>>

○ Common tags: #eneas rambles <3 (<- basic my posts) #charlies mushroom corner ( <- vent), #eneas photography :] (<-my photography), #useful tips!! (<- Useful things ot be saved and used later), #enea is arting (<- my art),

-☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}▪︎☆○~{♡}☆-

[brains5ana]

zombie blog turn around!!

mostly inactive lately

this is my personal blog about my anorex14 and depression this is both my safe space where i can cope with my life right now and my way of documenting this disorder in case i dont survive it so that my loved ones or anyone who wants them might get some answers.

₊˚⊹ 𐂯please dont interact if you are not already disordered or are in recovery. block dont report this is really all i have .₊˚⊹ 𐂯

life rn - mom died in august now im taking care of my 15 yo autistic sibling and household because my dad is abusive and doesnt really parent. my grandparents help take care of them sometimes but they dont live with us and are televangelists who try to convert us(my sibling is pagan). my sibling is awesome but its a lot to take care of them while grieving so much and i worry about them a ton.

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

me ୧ ‧₊˚ 🥩🦴 ⋅

17 they/them bi and taken veryyy happily dni creeps

bg - grew up in poverty w pretty bad parents (i love my mom a lot but she was young and fucked me up a little bit as a young kid mostly she was good but our relationship was kind of complicated for while). got bullied really bad from elementary school till quarantine when i was in middle school. my dads a redneck and my mom was a hippie now my dads like a frat bro?? and hes insane.

alternative (riot grrl goth punk etc) i like music(esp live punk shows), painting, writing, horror movies, ZOMBIES

political activist mostly w the environment but also general big leftist

white, able bodied (maybe) hindu vaishnavite

im very mentally ill and have had suicidal thoughts and depression my whole life. diagnosed cptsd, ptsd, chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, ana suspected adhd

my ed - got bullied for my weight and started trying to lose weight in 5th grade. i went to a nutritionist in 6th grade who told me to count calories so i did and then i went lower and lower and lower seeing how little i could consume in a day(i also started having an exercise addiction then). in 7th grade i started doing intermittent fasting and restricting below what you need to live in retrospect. then quarantine happened and i started looking at ana tips. id sleep all day until 4 pm to avoid food and workout at night. i got to my lw and was plateauing and worrying about dying so i told my very shitty therapist at the time who told me i wasnt low enough to have an ed but still told my mom who got me an appointment w an ed doctor. and there started my forced recovery bc the ed doctor told me i definitely did have ana and wouldnt have survived another month or two. after resisting for a long time and trying to secretly relapse i gave in. and it worked, i fully recovered. i didnt get thoughts i was happy and didnt have to lose weight anymore. and then people started treating me badly and a girl who was in my friend group started making fun of me for being fat and i realized i cant deal with that and everything else. so im 40 lbs down and trying to loose more.

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

this blog ୧ ‧₊˚ 🥩🦴 ⋅

BYF - this is an ed bl0g w triggering content do whats best for you i cant facilitate everyones recovery but it is possible and waiting for everyone

DNI - 14 y/o and younger, those interested in recovery (you can so do it i believe in you), creeps, p3d0s, p0rn accounts, fatphobes (fuck off and die), terfs, transphobes, etc

this is a number free blog for the most part and if not ill tag #tw ed numbers or #tw ana numbers

on here ill post wieiads, b0dy checks, collages, diet plans for myself, themed moodboards, a lot of zombie content.

i use the tag #brains4ana or #brains4ana4vent for vent posts (if im coherent enough to care)

other ongoing tws - meat, cannibalism(all the zombie stuff) alcohol addiction, nicotine addiction, mentions of sh, ed (duh)

[pleasuretrade]

hi here's the very rough(!) first chapter of a fic that i'm not done with.

if anyone wants to beta or just offer feedback i would be grateful :') but i'm writing this very slowly and don't plan on seeing it done for at least a few more months

March x Healy

Summary: 1980. March and Healy take your classic "reunite me with my estranged adult child" case and may or may not wind up getting involved with a cult, irritating 80's toys, shady business, gardening, and drugs. Oh, and they're pretending to be boyfriends because that's totally a perfect cover??

Rating: 18+ for the eventual porn

Length: I'm gonna guess 30k? I'm at 15k rn and we're maybe halfway through. frankly i got no idea

Tags that aren't exhaustive and mostly aren't applicable to this first chapter, but just a sneak peek: pretending to be boyfriends and there's only one fucking bed anyway bitch, March wearing jeans

 The thing about kitsch dolls was that they were supposed to be cute. In abundance they became disturbing. An uncanny noise of soft pastel abstraction, dotted with innumerable eyes, staring at you from living room walls and display cabinets. It didn’t help that almost all of them were religious; angels with halos, praying children, robed biblical figures. March felt like he might combust if he made direct eye contact with the teeming mass of holy ceramic.

“March, did you write that down?”

 Holland whipped his head toward Healy, and then at their client, and then at his open, empty notepad. See, you shouldn’t have that many dolls in one room, it’s distracting. It’s weird. “Sorry, ma’am, could you repeat that?”

“Benjamin Larry Hooper. We called him Benny.”

“Bejamin….L… Hooper… Benny.” March mumbled, pen dashing across the page with a show of gumption.

 Mrs. Hooper nodded at him, all patterned dress and curled hair, hands placed politely on top of their respective thighs. “He was fifteen when he left, he’ll be twenty-six now. Tall for his age, I’m sure he’s giant by now.”

 Holland wrote in big block letters: DOB 1953 TALL

“This is my most recent picture of him, just a few months before he left.” Mrs. Hooper, Francis, reached across her doilied coffee table to hand Healy a framed photograph. It was obviously some kind of family reunion, the photo lined with folks like a tin of sardines. “That’s Benny.” she said, tapping a young man sitting cross legged in the very front row.

 Benny Hooper looked like any other fifteen year old at a family reunion, irritated or bored or both. He had a great mop of hair, a downright halo of pitch black curls reaching every direction. The slacks and short sleeved button-down were probably not his normal choice of attire, so that wouldn’t be helpful even if the kid had disappeared less than a decade ago. The shot was too wide to memorize the details of someone’s face on top of being old. The Benny in the photo hadn’t even finished puberty yet. Overall, the photo wasn’t great.

“Very helpful, thank you. We could use any other photographs you have, too.” Healy smiled pleasantly the way he did. It was freakish, the way the guy could go from deadpan bruiser to soft-eyed teddybear in an instant.

 Holland smiled along, ignoring the everpresent eyes of Mrs. Hooper's kitsch, even though he knew that there was no chance in hell they were finding Benny Hooper.

-

 “There’s no chance in hell, man.” March lit his cigarette in the passenger seat and donned his sunglasses.

 Healy tapped his fingers where he rested his arm in the open window. “We have a lead.”

“If you wanna call maybe seeing a glimpse of someone you haven’t seen in eleven years driving a truck a couple of times a lead, sure, we have a great lead. Can we stop at Hammy’s? Told Holly I’d bring home dinner.”

“Y’know, I bet I could count on two hands the number of times you’ve gone proper grocery shopping since I’ve known you.”

“That’s not true, you went grocery shopping with us like two weeks ago.”

“And you bought eggs, bread, a gallon of neon colored juice, a gallon of whiskey, and five frozen pizzas.”

“Are those not groceries? Is that not sustenance?” March waved his cigarette for emphasis.

“Anyway,” Healy redirected, taking the turn toward Hammy’s, “all we have to do is stake out the spot she saw the truck, right?”

“If everything worked out just that easy we’d be out of a job, Jack.” March took a drag from his cigarette, thanking the stars that loaded, aging ladies were willing to shill out for the most unfeasible asks imaginable time and time again. Healy let it sit because he knew it was true by now, well over two years down the line as a PI.

“Why do you think the kid really left?” Healy asked after a while, expertly flat when Holland had figured out eons ago that the guy really was invested in each case, even the small ones.

“I don’t know, too many doilies? An aversion to puce colored carpet? I wouldn’t stay long either.”

 Healy ignored him. “I find it hard to believe he just up and left for no reason.”

“Maybe Mrs. Hooper’s chicken is dry.” Healy purposefully hit the curb pulling into Hammy’s, jostling March’s cigarette nearly out of his hand. “I mean, it’s not like it matters. Even if we find the kid, he’s not comin’ back. Ten fuckin’ years. Remember that girl, Arrow or Rainbow or whatever she named herself?”

 Healy grunted in reluctant remembrance. They’d found her after a long, boring two months and by the end of it all she’d had to say was ‘thanks for letting me know my family's looking for me, you can go now.’ Not that it mattered much to Holland. They made out with enough money to take a couple of weeks off so they could take Holly to Catalina Island. She got food poisoning on the first day but still claims it was the best trip they’d been on in years (which wasn’t very meaningful considering they’d gone on maybe three of them since she was little).

“Guess you’re right.” Healy parked the car in the crowded parking lot. The line at Hammy’s was always so damn long. “Not getting paid to psychoanalyze the guy.” He sounded reluctant. Any time Healy couldn’t slip in one more act of Good it made him feel like a failure. It was something March secretly admired, however harebrained it was. He glanced a punch off Healy’s shoulder before getting out of the car. “That’s the spirit.”

-

“So why do you think he really left?” Holly asked through a mouthful of burger.

“Jesus, you two should become shrinks.” March grumbled.

 Healy sat comfortably sunken into the couch, a March sitting cross legged on the floor on either side of him. “It might be useful to know.” he added.

“Right. Like maybe you’ll be able to narrow down what kinds of places he’d go if you knew.” Holly agreed.

“Our only lead is a truck. Anyone can drive a truck. I don’t care why he’s driving it. All we have to do is follow.”

“So you admit, it’s a lead.” Healy pointed at him with a french fry.

“It’s a crumb of a lead. It’s the suggestion of a lead. It’s a lingering scent of maybe a lead.”

“Says the guy with no sense of smell.” Healy winked at Holly, who bit her lip to stop her smile from blooming. “A lead’s a lead.”

“Did you notice anything about Mrs. Hooper’s house? Like, anything that might make someone want to run away?” Holly was fifteen and already putting in more work than March.

“Yeah, puce carpet.”

 Healy nudged March with a socked foot. “She seemed nice. Boring, maybe. Said her husband died a few years ago and her other kid’s off at college somewhere, so the house was pretty quiet.”

“Boredom could drive someone away.” Holly said thoughtfully.

“And if it did that still gives us absolutely nothing to go on. Some kids just hate their parents, alright? Guy probably just hitchhiked to New York or something.” March said.

“Sounds nice.” Holly murmured under her breath. Healy nudged her with his other foot.

 March, begrudgingly, loved the gentle way Healy mediated. Fatherhood was something Holland hadn’t really been prepared for, much less being the single dad of a teenager. It didn’t help that he was a big time fuckup or that Holly was too smart for her own good. Having another person in their lives— having Healy in their lives— was a saving grace.

 Recently, Holly had started dating her first boyfriend. Or at least the first that she’d admitted to when she’d lost all plausible deniability after that time they’d picked her up from school and seen her drop some young punk’s hand like a hot iron. It was a point of contention now, between Holly and Holland. Boys were pigs, and Holland would know, he used to be one. It was one of the endless number of things Healy had become referee over, but also something Holly had adopted a near constant attitude because of.

“So when are you starting the stakeout?” Holly asked, fiddling with the cracked straw of her milkshake. March looked at Healy for an answer. He was always better at managing their schedule. Unlike March, he usually remembered what day of the week it was. Healy looked back at him and shrugged. Wasn't like they had another case on, much to the dismay of their wallets. “Tomorrow, I guess.”

 Holly got that look on her face. “Can I come?” Tomorrow was a Saturday.

 March shook his head. “Don’t you have normal teenage things to do? Shouldn’t you be like sneaking vodka out of someone’s mom’s cabinet on a Saturday?”

 Healy chimed in before she could argue. “It’s gonna be boring anyway, Holl. You’ll be sitting in the backseat twiddling your thumbs all day.” She knew that. She’d been on stakeouts with them before. But Healy’s say was more valuable to her than her dad’s, apparently, so she dropped it.

 It was late when Healy headed home, agreeing on the asscrack of dawn to reconvene and start their stakeout.

“Why doesn’t he just live here? You guys spend every day together anyway.”

 March wandered into the dimly lit kitchen for a glass of rye. Their (second) rental, real house unbuilt as ever, was always so still when Healy left. Another item on the laundry list of things March tried not to think about. “Because he’s a grown man, Holly, with his own house.”

“I wouldn’t call that dump a house, and anyway it’s an apartment. He should be sleeping here and not in an attic with a laughtrack that plays until two in the morning.”

“Well then you can invite him to stay for a sleepover next time. You guys can paint nails and read magazines.” Holland wasn’t stupid. He knew that wasn’t really what girls’ sleepovers were like. One time he’d walked in on Holly and her friend eating donuts and saying such depraved things about Joe Strummer that he’d vowed to not open the door without knocking ever again. He never looked at that Clash poster on her wall the same way.

 Holly scoffed in time with the ice tinkling into Holland’s tumbler.

-

 The sun shone way too brightly for Holland. When he’d woken up he’d still been a little drunk, but now out of the house and into Healy’s car a hangover had eagerly seeped in. They’d agreed to start the stakeout before the sun came up, but March had skillfully convinced Healy to take him through a drive-thru breakfast and they were running late. He now nursed a coffee as the sun rose into the perfectly wrong spot in the sky. They watched cars zip lazily by from the corner of a parking lot.

“I just think it would be good to have a dog around.” They’d had this discussion every other day for a month now. March wanted a dog in the house for the very logical reason of alerting them to intruders, Healy nay-sayed because he was a killjoy with no imagination.

“I’m telling you, March, putting in a doggy door just isn’t gonna be enough for a German Shepherd. And we all know you’re not gonna walk it.”

“Why do you even care so much, man? It would be my dog.” And more importantly, why did Healy even have a say in whether or not they got a dog?

“I care because I’d somehow get stuck taking it out half the time. And your sorry ass wouldn’t train it. We’d have an untrained, overpriced menace tearing around the house.” The house. Not Holland and Holly’s house, but The House.

“Well, whatever, even if that was true it’d make a good guard dog, right? No one’s getting past a pent up, feral German Shepherd. Might shit on the carpet but it’ll take a guy’s dick off. Balls too.”

“You should really consider a shrink. I think you’ve lost your damn mind.” Healy shook his head, but Holland caught his smile.

“You taking new patients, doc? I’ve been told by my teenager that I’m a headcase.”

“I could make some room in my busy schedule. Gonna cost you about the same as a purebred German Shepherd, though.”

 March smiled and leaned back into his seat. Absolutely nothing of interest was happening outside at all, which was just fine now but give March three or so more hours and he’d start going stir crazy and the headache wasn't helping.

 Mrs. Hooper had seen the truck twice, once in the morning and once in the early evening, which gave them an unfortunately broad window of time. She’d described it as a white, short cab semitruck, maybe a GMC, with a small trailer on it, which narrowed it down almost not at all. It sounded like every third short haul semi chugging around Los Angeles, of which there were many. Very many.

 The only thing they had to go off of was that the second time around she’d seen what she thought was some kind of blocky hand-lettering on the driver’s side door, done in “nearly illegible” multicolor. When Healy had asked what she meant by “multicolor” Mrs. Hooper had only elaborated as “horribly garish.” So at least there was that.

 The odds that the guy driving the bespoke truck was this Benny person were essentially zero. That was about half their cases these days, desperate longshots funded by desperate rich people. The other half was still taking photographs of idiots who fuck with the curtains open. It was wearing a little thin. Couldn't people invent more important problems to investigate? Whatever. A job’s a job’s a job.

 The coffee in March’s cup had gone cold just in time to meet the creeping heat from outside. He downed the tepid sludge before wrenching the little metal fan out of the back seat and plugging it in. It whirred to life gracelessly.

“Hey.” Healy tapped him on the arm, which startled and excited Holland enough that he flung his empty coffee cup onto the floorboards.

“What—what, you see something?”

 A short cab semi puttered toward them from a distance, aiming for a perfectly timed red light. Healy pulled up the binoculars and squinted through them, waiting for the cab to pull into view enough to see the driver’s door. March’s breathing was shallow in anticipation.

 The truck moved, and Healy tutted, and March could see the glaringly blank door even without the binoculars. “Driver’s blonde. Ginger beard.” Healy said, still staring through the eye pieces like the truck and driver might magically change. “False alarm.”

“They’re all gonna be false alarms. This is gonna be like finding a needle in a haystack, only the needle was never in the haystack to begin with.”

 Finally, Healy let the binoculars fall into his lap. “I ever told you how much I love your optimism?”

[jinchuls-moved]

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

hi sanaaa

here’s some advice for that cunt that said that to u cus the way she’s acting all innocent is so crazy. i’ve had a similar experience so this is me talking from my (obviously biased) point of view.

unfortunately theres really nothing you can do about it, i know it’s hard to hear people telling you how it’s your fault for how you talked too much (or whatever your case is) because when you really look at it, who the hell is crazy enough to get so pressed over such a stupid thing. trust me, apologizing will probably not help. i apologized to this girl through email (since she blocked my number) and the only response i got was “lol”. i know it’s hard not to think about her and miss her, i thought about my ex friend for nearly a year after it happened. it’s hard knowing you cared about them more than they cared about you since they so easily treated you like shit but keep in mind that if they act like this they are never worth your time. in my situation, i cried a lot and felt guilty for still crying over this that had happened so long ago but i saw a quote that strangely made me feel better. it said “if you still cry about it, then it still matters” so please just remember that if you ever feel that way. sadly, there is probably a deeper reason to why your “friend” treated you this way and you will probably never know. i know how badly you might wish for her to say sorry since she has caused you so much pain but the truth is she will probably never change. but this is all something you will look back at in the past and be glad you stopped being friends with her. ily sana please don’t feel like you have to hurt yourself or anything else to cope with this thing you didn’t deserve <333 sorry if this is too long

mhm, you’re so right…and i’m so sorry that this has happened to you too :( even you’re so sweet and you don’t deserve it either…i guess you’re right cause this is what i sent her a tiny message saying that she’s a cunt for this and that she’ll regret it shdkkendjej 😭😭😭

but either way thank you so much for looking out for me, dear ;3 why did we stop messaging again??? lol imma message you rn hahaha

[flowerslut]

😂☀️🏅

What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?

this is such a tough one, but half of @volturialice’s comments on call of the night made me laugh so hard that I befriended and then hung out with her. and fast forward five years she has clowned her way into my heart ~irrevocably~ 🥰❤️

honorable mentions go to these specific ones (top one belongs to my wife ofc)

and I wish I could find the tumblr ask that says “thanks for the stories my therapist will know your name” because that one takes the cake.

Has anyone ever left you a comment that made your day? What did it say?

ALL THE TIME ARE YOU JOKING??? most recently I’ve been getting a lot of comments from people telling me about how my version of maria in roots is turning them into maria stans, and every time that happens I twirl my hair and kick my feet like a lovesick idiot 🤩

also a lot of people have left comments on call of the night (and walk in the dark) to tell me about how they binge-read it over a day or two and those are always my favorite because it means I derailed someone’s sleep schedule for at least one night and that delights me every time. but here’s a pair of comments I think of regularly:

because it 1000% summed up the way I wanted everyone to feel during the climax of cotn’ and to see that I stuck the landing? sublime. nothing will ever feel as good as seeing these as the first two comments after I posted that chapter 🥰

What is the fic you’re most proud of?

this is suchhhhhh a hard one so I’m gonna be a cheating little cheat and answer it in three parts. because my personal favorite fic of mine (not the best, per se, but my number 1) is north star. tbh, that fic should have been much trickier to write (empath alice and psychic jasper? how do you even attempt to successfully jam that into canon!verse?) so i’m very proud of myself for cranking it out over the time span that I did. that was the first fic I ever gave to my wife to look-over and make lil edits to, which is something that I had never once done before with any of my writing EVER.

then or course you’ve got call of the night, and just about everyone has heard the story about that fic, but I really am soooo proud of myself for finishing it! 16/17 year old baby shan would have been sooooo happy to know that it was lovingly completed (technically speaking) in my 20s!

but I think I have to nominate roots for ‘fic i’m most proud of’ just due to the sheer size of this project. and maybe it’s that Current Fic Bias talking (since it’s the only fic of mine being updated/worked on rn) but I really did daydream, outline, and draft an entire 200k word fic with multiple alternating povs and so many moving parts that my even readers are making timelines to make sure they don’t miss anything. that’s so cool for me! that’s so fun! roots has swamped my brain for a year and a half, I’ve put my whole pussy into it, and not to sound like a broken record but shoutout to my wife @volturialice for basically being my editor. the fact that she hasn’t killed me for not knowing the difference between “its” and “it’s” or divorced me for my fixation on unnecessary scene blocking isssss miraculous 🥴

send me more fanfic asks

[8bitgarden-sys]

Introduction: DID System | Writer | Swiftie | Human

"In this city's barren cold, I still remember the first fall of snow..."

Hello, my name is Gray! Some important facts about me:

I am a DID system! We all go by different names and pronouns, but Gray they/them is always okay! As of 12/30/24, we have around 250 alters! Yikes

I am a w33d user! I will not be trigger tagging this as pot is extremely important to my mental health and my disabled fiance's physical and mental health, as well as many people I know who use responsibly. If you argue with me on this, I will block you. Idc if you block us lol. Do what you need to for your safety.

I am a HUGE SWIFTIE. I'm not huge in the community, and I try not to be unhealthy or weird in the parasocial relationship, but I do adore her music and her lyricism speaks to me in ways I didn't think possible.

Most alters have a specific playlist they listen to! Feel free to ask us our favorite songs!

Lots of other shit including BPD & ADHD, and almost definitely OCD

"I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would be forevermore."

wanna talk but have social anxiety, awkwardness, or don't know how to navigate a DID system? I understand, I am also many of those things. Here's some conversation starters you can send in an ask, and feel free to just send the number with "intro post" !:

Who's fronting rn? (plus maybe a follow up question!)

Tell me a random fact about the alter fronting rn

Top favorite song rn?

Pick 3 random alters and assign them a Taylor Swift song

What's been going on lately?

What art project of yours are you excited for the most rn?

What is something you want to get better at?

Favorite Taylor Swift quote rn?

Info dump abt a hyperfixation/special interest

"I once was poison ivy but now I'm your daisy."

Our other blogs:

JD’s blog @7-11-parking-lot

Our shared blog with our syspartner for our Monster Prom fictives @gray-house-monsters

@but-ive-got-me blog for fictives who split from Taylor Swift’s music

@wandering-wastelanders fallout 3 fictives!

@variants-of-mount-massive Outlast fictives

@8-bit-writers @8-bit-fanfic writing

@rememberthe1fallofsnow swiftie shit

@more-victims-than-monsters horror blog

@devildice-angeleyes d&d blog

I hope you all have a wonderful day and I look forward to making friends and chatting!

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 30 ramble

WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK WE'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING BACK

i was relistening today to get in the spirit but i only got through episode 15 :( it's ok though 16-29 were more recent

anyway i'm like hardcore tweaking because i need this so bad but i'm also so not ready for this HIATUS?? it's both over and we're so back

i'm like kind of nervous.... LMAOOO????? anyway um here's hoping my blog @is-teddy-vaughn-still-alive doesn't immediately have to start saying he's dead for the rest of time i've had it for like 3 days

this is going to alter me as a person.

TWEAKINGGG here we go :]!!

the magnus protocol intro goes really hard i think i've said this before though

he said job but i heard jon. dead end JON like the season 2 finale of the magnus archives

OH IMMEDIATE SAM POV LET'S GO I GUESS. sam stop ignoring her.

WHY DID MY EX JUST TEXT ME. WHY DID MY EX GIRLFRIEND JUST TEXT ME. I THOUGHT I BLOCKED HER NUMBER?? HANG ON I HAVE TO PAUSE AND TELL MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS AND THEN GO BLOCK HER NUMBER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. dude.

oh my god i have to respond to this because i have class with her tomorrow are you fucking serious chat are you fucking serious

i don't even.. i can't even.. what the hell. during my magnus time? really? on THE magnus day? fuck oh my god. i.. i..... I'M SCARED??????

we're not touching that. anyway ummmmmm what the HELL ??? LMAO SORRY WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE PROTOCOL RAMBLE NOW???? we literally haven't spoken since like march when she sent me the "breakup closure playlist" and i thought i BLOCKED HER. tweaking OUTTTTTTTT.

having to restart the episode after this one i'm.. i need a reset..

sam she's not upset she's telling you you're in TROUBLE stop GHOSTING HER you are in DANGER babe. SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS RIGHT SHE IS RIGHT SHE IS RIGHT BABE YESSSSSS!!!! connect those dots honey it is your fault

SAM? SAM? SAM? WHAT'S? WHY IS HE COUGHING? I'M REALLY. WORRIED. I'M REALLY SCARED.

if sam dies here i'm gonna have to delete those sam hating posts i swear to god i'm gonna have to delete them i love him now

"there's a plan?" (disregards) woah. celia. what. i'm really really really scared help

i feel like we're listening to his final moments and i'm no................ "we're safe here" CELIA??????

ALICE PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW THEM PLEASE BABE IT'S OVER FOR SAM BUT IT'S NOT ENTIRELY OVER FOR YOU

COLIN? COLIN???????? COOLLOLININNK??????????? I'M CRYING COLIN HONEY PLEASE DI NOT DIE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHAT DID HE DO WHAT DID HE DO WHAT DID HE DO WHAT DID HE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GO TO THE OFFICE ALICE. HE'S DEAD TEDDY'S DEAD ALICE YOU NEED TO STOP IGNORING THEM FOR SAM'S SAKE THEY'RE BOTH DEAD AS HELLLLLLLL

gwen come through and be okay pls. gwen pls. TREVOR HERBERT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME CACKLE I'M SORRY.

lena do you still have your job? babygirl? oh god. something bad is gonna happen to her. is there a lena death count lmao

"but i think you will be" LENA???? shaking actually hello. goodbye lena???? YOU'RE ALL GOING TO NEED IT WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???????????????????? gwenny are you laughing or crying or nope you're laughing. you are laughing.

they're at hilltop center oh my fuckign god they're here nervously petting my desk??? what am i doing.

"checking for tape recorders" LORD.

"call it a hunch" loooooooooooooooord.

hey why's sam humming he's being so fucking weird rn???? he's being so weird????????? so is celia actually i really hate this

"we want your teeth" these are all weird places huh. interestinggggg.

celia you gotta stop pushing sam please pleeasasee

i'm so freake WHO IS THAT WHOOO????? LMAO??????? poor dude

"i better go lock it back up before it's..." ooh supernatural worker

LMAOO IT'S SO HAUNTED PLS GET OUTTTTTTT PLSSSSS GET OUTTTTTTT

you SHOULD go sam and celia you SHOULD

she's being super weird is she like actually a shitty person bc i was kinda defending her with my whole being

"if you're stupid enough to go poking around, that's on you" this guy would love alice

oh speak of the devil hi babe!!!!

NO HESTITATION AFTER THE BRIBE LMAOO

I ACTUALLY HEARD THE TAPE RECORDER THIS TIME I'M SO PROUD.

oh the custodian is gonna die that sucks so much because i actually really like him he's coughing like sam was i'm really worried

oooh that was the clearest thing we've heard the archivist say

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES MUSIC I'M GOING TO START CRYING SO LOUD I CAN'T EVEN ANYMORE

OH WHY WOULD YOU BRING UP THE FINGERNAIL THING I LOST A FINGERNAIL FROM THE ROOT YESTERDAY.

dogs.. like lady mowbray...

NIKOLA ORSINOV????????????????????????? NIKOLA??????????????????? BABE?????????????????????????????

no it was a person unfortunately

DEAD IN HIS OFFICE???? oh what the actual fuck

okay they're really not subtle about the magnus archives theme anymore LMFAO

oh my god he's dying :( i really liked him he seemed so chill

WHAT??????????????????? DID HE JUST BECOME THE BUILDING????????????????????????????????????????????? DUDE COME ON CAN ONE MINOR SIDE CHARACTER JUST BE OKAY AND HAPPY. rip i guess? rest in piece (singular)

"she can wait" you're pissing me off.

celia knows this too damn well she knows it TOO well. did she ever have to dig herself out of this

IS THIS THE RIP??????

celia? celia is this where you came from. "almost" HUH?

WHAT'S HAPPENING WHAT'S HAPPENING??? SAM YOU'RE KINDA REAL FOR THIS ACTUALLY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO HIM PLEASE

if he dies. i'm gonna be so upset.

WOAH. WOAHHHHHHHH. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THE INSTITUTE ALCHEMY IT'S ALL ABOUT BALANCE IT WANTS HER BACK IT. WHAHTUAHAHDHAHGAGDGASYFGAFYGTASGTGFGJS

the equation doesn't balance so you have to go back? oh that's why she wakes up randomly because it's pulling her!! "there's nothing to go back to" sad face. lynne hammond did have a................................ celia. ceeeeeeelia.

celia don't fucking do it don't fucking do it don't fucking do it.

"I REALLY DID LIKE YOU" I'M HYPERVENTILATING. SHE'S CARRYING A KNIFE. I'M HYPERVENTILATING.

I'M CRYING. WHAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED. WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING. WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING. IS THIS CELIA'S STATEMENT???

THE FEARLESS ONE I'M ACTUALLY WEEPING??????

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT SAM ARE YOU OKAY. ALCIUEJ NAOLIKJDHFJVDFHIJBHABHIFBJGHF

I'M SO UNOKAY I'M SOOOOO ALICE NO PLEASE BABYDOLL PLEASE YOU'RE SO FUCKED YOU'RE SO FUCKED

NOT THE FUCKING HILLTOP DUDE GOD DAMMIT

shaking trembling violently rocking back and forth i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared

gwenny.... hhhhhh

oh hey it's trevor! can we pls go find out what just happened to sam i need him to be alright.

what is that fuckass no HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD ALICE IS THERE AND CELIA AND SAM OHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD. OOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD. WHERE'S SAM.

he's not.. is he? oh no.

THEY BOOOOOOOOOOTH FELL THROUGH???????? AND YOU'RE ENDING THE FUCKING EPISODE THERE DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ANYMORE YOOUUUUUUUUUUU. YOU. OH MY FUCK.

i need to go take a moment to reflect or something holy fucking shit.

[euri-matsuri]

you know what. since I can't draw ambitiously for shit rn you're getting rambling instead while I decide what to draw of some ocs (un-nucarni related)

I just like thinking of Euri's interactions with everyone too much. he's stubborn, but on the flip side for it, he's determined. he's naive, but hopeful; lazy but passionate. he's painfully nostalgic; and in a way, having lost his shrine and no longer going by his true name, "Matsuri", is a reflection of growing up and learning not to lose your inner child; but learning not to cling incessantly to grief & denial, either

on that topic, I think about his shrine very often 🌸. he only obtained his human form far after his shrine's ruin. it used to be frequently visited by the tribes though (or at least the nearest one), and it was a favorite of kids'. his existence as Matsuri was full of folktales. "the tale of matsuri", always something focused on learning to love or appreciate that which was around you, not to be greedy, how to cherish your whimsy or curious heart, etc. hes always been fantastic with kids. it was also probably full of plenty cautionary tales too, about how doing x will get you y, etc. he's a rascal to the fullest definition

once, a little girl visiting with her parents to pay respects wound up playing with him. he let her chase him a brief stint through some of the nearby trees, hiding in their limbs and hopping tree to tree until he heard their prayers finish. he led her right back to her parents arms, all while they laughed as she insisted of the "sunset tiger", the one that hopped through the trees and chuffed at her each time she found him. she promises too, he let her pet his fur; how soft it was, and how he nuzzled her temple and urged her on back to her family, only to disappear into the painted, pink tiger lilies engulfing the shrine.

stories like these probably constantly replay through his head. he spends his days now mostly with Quincy or Kuya, either at one of their cabins or (on the rarer occasion) Aster's mansion (though he's usually only there if Quincy has come to visit. I always imagine he'd not want to give up his duties to the forest so easily, and is more prone to visiting frequently than staying long-term outright). and when he can, he almost always accompanies Olivine to take care of or teach children. he's a natural at it; always giving the most outrageous voices to a story's characters, giving the most absurd traits to the lesson they're teaching.

"it's too boring if we just make them count these as are... but what if they're missing!? what if I lost them around the classroom, and, ah, little cubs..! help! I can't find my wood blocks! I can't remember how many I had! here, for every one we find, we'll count them together. I'll remember when we find the number! ack! how did that one get way up there!? here, here, come, come! I'll put you on my shoulders. grab it for me! I'm too small!"

of course, meanwhile, the idea of anybody else—Dante, Eiden,—calling him short? agh...!! he'll let it slide, but only because that smile on your face seems so genuine... b-but don't do it again...! or I'll .. bite you..!!!

anyways. on a similar note, I think he'd feel infinitely healed to be loved and appreciated for who he is now. he so constantly clings to the legacy of Matsuri, as if this celebrated leoger wasn't him. to hear the name "Euri!", to be called for food or help or even a scolding, he can't help but chase the sound of his name.

maybe... he doesn't have to be forgotten, after all. maybe a prayer, an offering, doesn't have to be something left at the foot of a shrine. maybe it doesnt have to be spoken before clapped palms.

I'm sure the sound of his name now does a lot to convince him he doesn't have to stay in that shrine. he doesn't have to be Matsuri, if that's not who he is anymore.

[pinievsev]

🩷 omgomg i just had this epic idea (that simultaneously retains to my personal life in a way)- so i know that beomgyu won’t win for the body guard AU (it’s inevitable) even though i really really want Gyu to win… it’s ok so i have another idea.

🩷 hear me out- y/n just had a major falling out with their two closest bestest friends and beomgyu tries his best to comfort them. y/n dosent show this side of them ever and it’s the first time gyu has seen this with such deep rooted heartbreak.

… i really just need smthn to cry to rn 🤷‍♀️

AMICA

CHOI BEOMGYU X GN!READER

Angst to fluff! (My favourite 😤)

The names "Kira" and "Mina" are the most basic names I could think of for reader's friends. Don't come for me they're not what we're here for 😋

Warnings: Angst? If anyone has a problem with that, Awkward gyu, crying?, Maybe some spelling mistakes which btw, feel free to call me out on. (Please.) Also it's pretty short? I wrote half of it at 3am and the other half at school- 🥹

Amica: friend in Latin because I'm the king of titles.

As always requests are open and my masterlist is pinned to my blog! Without further ado, Les gooo!

{taglist: @laskyy }

You only ever had three close friends, well one now, Kira, Mina and Gyu. You had known Beomgyu since middle school and had met Kira and Mina in highschool, even tho gyu went to another one, you still kept contact and lived in the same area.

You had had a crush on gyu for maybe a year now, pretty recent considering how long you've known eachother for, and both girls knew it, so why the hell would they accuse you of trying to steal Kira's crush was still a mystery. Maybe they just didn't want to be your friends anymore and tried to get rid of you without you knowing? Not sure.

All you knew was that both had blocked you on all social media as well as your number so you decided it wasn't worth your time and energy trying to fix. You and them have been getting distant lately anyways, so what's the point?

What hurt you most was that they had made a complete fool of you in the middle of the park, yelling about how bad of a friend you were, calling you all sorts of things, a backstabber being one of them.

It wasn't worth it, so why did it hurt this much.

You bolted down the road and to your apartment block with tears in your eyes, failing to notice and hear a shouting gyu, trying to get your attention from across the street.

You slammed your door shut and kicked off your shoes, basically diving into your couch and sobbing. It shouldn't hurt this much. Your crying only lasted a couple minutes though. A frantic knock on your door alerting you. You hoped and begged and prayed that it wasn't them. Taking slow steps towards the door.

"Y/n? Hello?!" You let out a breath you hadn't realised you were holding at the sound of Beomgyu's voice, you opened the door and let him inside, rubbing your eyes with the back of your sleeve.

"What happened to you?" He asked looking at you with almost worry. You've never cried Infront of him, and you weren't planning to, until this moment. A couple of seconds was all it took for you to break down and start sobbing again, causing his eyes to go wide "Whoa whoa whoa! Hey uh, here come on"

He was speaking quickly and fumbling over his words as he led you back to your couch placing the bag he had with him on the small coffee table, he sat down next to you.

He rubbed soothing circles on your back, shushing you. He was never really one to comfort people, but he was trying his best and you appreciated that.

You rubbed your eyes once again, apologising "sorry- sorry. I don't know why I broke down there" you sniffled, eyes red and puffy already. "Don't apologise. Do you uh want to talk about it?" You shook your head and he only nodded in response standing up.

"wait here." He said rushing off to your bedroom and returning with a heavy gray and white blanket, your favourite one.

He gently placed it over you, he might not be good with words, but he was the best with actions. He picke dup the plastic bag he had placed on your table and walked to your kitchen "I'll be right there!" You heard him call before you could even question him.

A couple of minutes later, again, he returned with two bowls of ramen for the both of you, placing them down. He sat on the couch, Criss cross next to you, pulling the blanket over both of your shoulders. He reached out and handed you your bowl then grabbing his. "if you don't want to talk. We'll just eat" he said taking a hold of the remote and turning on the TV, playing some random movie neither of you were interested in.

As you ate, you could feel him turning to check up on you every now and then. And once you had finished you put your bowl down and leaned your head onto his shoulder, closing your eyes "you're the best friend Gyu... You know that?" You spoke quietly.

As much as he tried, he could not deny his feelings for you, the way he hated seeing you sad, the way his heart dropped to his stomach as soon as you started crying and the way his heart fluttered but at the same time shriveled up at your words just seconds ago.

But what if you didn't like him that way? What if you were crying over a boy? He couldn't risk loosing you.

You opened your eyes when you didn't get a response from him, looking up at him. He was already looking at you, his eyes switching from your eyes to your lips making your stomach do flips.

You stared at eachother for a few more seconds before he leaned in, brushing his lips over yours ever so slightly, testing the waters.

When you hummed in delight at the feeling he was assured, rushing to completely wrap you both in the giant blanket before leaning in again, kissing you quickly yet softly. You wrapped your arms around his middle as you pulled apart.

His eyes scanned your face for any signs of regret but once he found none he grinned widely "am I still the best friend?" He asked jokingly "nope. You're just the best" you said kissing his cheek and hugging him close. The reason for your sadness now long forgotten under the cozy blanket and the adorable pecks he left all over your face mixed with your laughter.