#as my life is right now my crazy is not technically disabling

[citrous241]

In my head-canon for Minecraft's "history", these two are (technically) the same species.

It all stems from my perception of the Ancient Builders. Its mostly inspired by the comics of the amazing DongLie (check them out their work is amazing), with some changes to fit with how I see the elements the game lays out.

For one, I believe the Ancient Builders' ultimate goal was eternal life. Their hubris is why they're "extinct". And two, there were 4 Mistakes that lead to their downfall.

I'm gonna go over these 4 Mistakes some day, but the second and fourth one is what I'm going to go into in some detail.

So what does any of this have to do with the Wither Skeletons and Endermen?

Well, first I must describe the second mistake. And to rationalise why it happened, I must also touch on the first mistake; the creation of Creepers. I believe the Ancient Builders created Creepers in their desert temples as their first foray into eternal life. This attempt fundamentaly changed the Overworld, cursing it to produce these creatures every night. I believe Zombies, Skeletons and Spiders have always existed in the Overworld, and the Ancient Builders had adapted to them the same way we have. But the Creepers rocked their society. Some of them went deep underground (leading to the third Mistake), and some of them went "deep" I.e: to the Nether.

This is where the second mistake occurs. They found the Piglins, whose corpses became reanimated upon their death. Not anything crazy, the same thing happens to Ancient Builders in the Overworld, if not for the fact that Zombified Piglins have actual awareness. Immortality through zombification became an option and the Builders deduced it was true to the Nethers sand trapping souls from across dimensions.

So they buried their dead in the large valleys of this sand, and they became reanimated. It was exactly what they wanted, they were aware and immortal.

Unfortunately a complication ensued; Piglins had adapted to soul sand, but the Builders hadn't. Those who had been buried rapidly found their flesh withering away, and their actions becoming more and more aggressive. These withered skeletons became the guards of the Fortresses the Builders constructed to protect themselves from the Nether's dangers. They became nothing more than thugs.

So the Builders continued their work. They theorised that the combined biomass of multiple corpses could overcome the withering problem.

They were right. And they were so, so wrong.

They had awakened one of the primordial forces of the universe, the force of chaos and destructions. The trapped souls had been screaming out to them all along. The withered skeletons were a warning that was impossible to ignore, yet they did.

The Wither had descended upon the Ancient Builders, wanting nothing more then to spread its infection.

The Builders tried to escape, abandoning their portals into the Nether. But they were too slow, the Wither had followed them to the Overworld.

This lead to the third mistake, but I'm not going to talk about that now.

The fourth and final mistake came after the Overworld was no longer safe for the Builders. The Wither was gone, destroyed in the third mistake, but it's rot still corrupted the land. To go to the surface was suicide, to go deep underground was suicide. So the Builders clung to just below the surface. They used their magic to invert stone and tore out their eyes to construct a portal to somewhere out of the Overworld.

They took a leap of faith, and it didn't pay off. They had found a dimension in the Void between dimensions, the End of all reality. Nothing but blank islands for all eternity. But there was something... else.

Another primordial force that threatened everything. Native to this place or trapped their, they did not know. But they had opened the door out and had to close it. So they purposefully disabled the way out, created a dragon to guard it should anyone try to leave. Every island for miles around the exit point was annihilated, as to separate it.

It was the ultimate sacrifice and the final mistake; sealing themselves into the End.

Over time they evolved; their skin became darker, blending into the eternal night; their eyes became larger to see in the darkness; they became taller, their limbs becoming longer to pluck the high snaking chorus fruits - the only food in this place. We've all eaten chorus, we all know how it teleports anything that consumes it. Eating just that fruit caused them to eventually teleport regardless.

And finally, these End-men had become immortal. But there was no victory, their minds had long been lost. Even when they eventually gained the ability to teleport across dimensions they held no memories of these places. They can only grab blocks to move as they did long ago, but none of them know why.

When they see us they feel pain, they look us in the eyes and remember humanity. This makes them sad, which makes them angry. They cannot understand their unexplained grief so they act only in fear and self-preservation.

These 2 creatures, the Wither's skeletons and the men of the End are brothers. Yet they do not know it. For both have long since lost their mind and history; one in pure aggression and obsession, and the other in hubris and insanity.

Credit to DongLie for most of images used here.

[brainrot-yumm]

I got heated and made a Zuzu from Dogman appreciation post lmao

this one's a long one folks and in a move of pure hypocrisy I argue for her importance by mostly decompiling other characters instead

I think it's slightly funny and a little disappointing that zuzu (and Sarah to an extent but very specifically zuzu) has been pushed so far to the side that the last time she had an actual character moment was like 6 books ago and it was genuinely her first character moment and all she did was alert someone more important to an issue that was going on.

like originally it's obvious she was pitched to be a standard love interest that would be just as awkward and vaguely horrifying to fully process as any other part of Dogman lore,

(ex: is it more understandable for Dogman to be with a dog or a person considering he has a person's body but a [very smart but still a] dog's mind? Does fandom consider Petey the best pick because as an anthropomorphic animal he's the best of both worlds? if we consider the fact that this is a kid's comic book and therefore probably runs on babies-come-from-storks-and-everyone-is-inherently-asexual logic, what then is actually wrong with zuzu as a love interest? I know the immediate reason why it makes people [me included] uncomfortable but if that part is removed it would be technically okay and I'm gonna stop arguing for a point I don't actually stand by now. And also why is it that dogs are literally the only creatures in the entire Dogman universe besides fish that are explicitly animals and aren't people why is literally every other creature either bipedal, capable of speech, and/or crazy smart, and with how smart the dogs can be sometimes why are they not I but oh golly my brain hurts-)

anyway.

It's obvious she was gonna be the love interest, and that hilarity would ensue around that. But then stuff happened, and Petey cloned himself, and then Dogman sought partial custody and the storyline changed. And in book 3 I believe, Zuzu was bought by Sarah, and whether that was intended to make her more important to the plot doesn't matter cause after that she was simply an extension of Sarah. Prop first and foremost, character occasionally.

and I genuinely think that kinda sucks, cause there's actual character stuff that could be written out for Zuzu. It would be a little difficult with the language barrier, but like, think.

One of Dogman's current big internal struggles is his fight between the expectation everyone has on him to be a human and his "doggy instincts" AKA behaviors and actions that he has been exhibiting for the entirety of his life with very few issues that only suddenly now do people have a problem with, to such a degree that he has been sent to jail 1.5x over just how bad people hate him. The expectation to be "normal" when you very obviously aren't and can't do that, that even well-intentioned friends can mess up with (like LIl Petey and the focus test - basically clicker-training him to be terrified of the stuff he loves in a way that would make him incapable of relaxing or enjoying a massive chunk of his life if it had actually stuck) Everyone is trying to Nekopara bell test him and it's very much a neurodivergent/disability allegory that I really appreciate. As well as the worry he's been given through bullying of feeling like an outcast. As a Frankenstein he fits nowhere, that kind of thing.

And he has a good support group at this point, but it's mostly people with experiences with the human side, and whether they are mostly supporting him just to try to turn him human or not, that's the perspective they bring. Zuzu could be a really, really good friend in that way, maybe the friend that Dogman especially needs right now, because she is just a dog. She is a dog that isn't expected to be a human, who is still allowed to be a dog and follow dog instincts without being yelled at, who doesn't have all this extra pressure on her.

And in that way, hanging out with Zuzu would mean no judgment if he followed those instincts to chase a squirrel or roll around in mud or do something stupid, because she would probably join in. There would be no expectations to do really anything besides the right thing, no matter how its done. I could even see fun interactions with her being weirded out at the human behaviors that have been trained into him. But at the end of the day she would be really good for just letting him still be Greg, which no one else really lets him be (the only one even mildly close is Lil Petey but that's his adopted son). And being allowed those moments of pure acceptance would do wonders of solidifying his self-acceptance and self-confidence. The support and understanding that he still fits with his fellow misfits even when he's more dog than man.

Plus, that's another good value to give kids, that the friends you want should be there for the whole you and not just the mask. Plus plus I can see in my brain a very cute scene of Zuzu doing the dogman-head-comfort thing to Dogman himself since he's had to be the emotional support for a lot of people but it's pretty uncommon that he gets that emotional support himself.

and that's only one way and only one character that she could bounce off of. I really think she has potential to do some good stuff if she's given the chance to have a more active role in the storyline. At the moment even with Sarah it's a little nothing right now, that's a complete nother story and awkward/vaguely horrifying mental riddle to attempt (like again why are dogs literally the only animal seen as pets when cats are bipedal. They sell dogs as pets but do they sell anything else. Where's the line. If the pigs are anthropomorphic where do hot dogs come from-)

I've spoken of Zuzu mostly in relation to Dogman but the core point of a supporting character is to support the main character and influence them in interesting ways. If they don't do that then they are either a weirdly emphasized background character or a painfully underdeveloped main character. But either way I'm disappointed that for almost every single book she has been pointed out as an important supporting character, as the world's greatest/bravest poodle, but she barely ever has an important roll in the comics, much less gets to actually show off that greatness/bravery, and I want justice. Give Zuzu a dynamic and important roles in the plot now peas and tank ewe.

That's it that was the whole point of this. Justice for Zuzu. Hashtag make Zuzu a character now. That is all.

[keldjinfae]

Get to Know Your Tumblr Mutuals

I was tagged by the ever-wonderful @dear-massacre.

What’s the origin of your username?: I technically have two usernames. The one that I use on Tumblr and on AO3 is actually my old one, from before I left the whole fandom scene for a while, and now I'm most commonly known by another name that people might see me referred to as every once in a while, so to (hopefully) clear up some confusion, keldjinfae was just the result of teenage me combining kelpie, djinn, and fae; nixeleth was me playing around with my name and slapping an X on it, Kingdom Hearts-style.

OTP(s) + shipname: I have several, but the one I've been coming back to for over a decade now is Sterek. I'm also a card-carrying shipper of Drarry, Stucky, Wincest, Angel/Buffy/Spike, Arthur/Eames, Anders/Hawke, and Fenris/Hawke.

Favourite colour: Purple

Song stuck in my head: End of Beginning

Weirdest habit/trait: I... don't know? My aunt helpfully pointed out for me once that I twitch my hands a lot, but I didn't notice until she said something.

Hobbies: Writing, gaming, music (whether playing, listening to, or singing--used to also be dancing, but now not so much), amassing an astonishing wealth of pop culture references. Also, that assonance tho.

If you work, what’s your profession?: I'm on disability, but I was a CNA.

If you could have any job you wish what would you have?: I don't know. I'd rather just have a job that gives me plenty of time to enjoy my hobbies.

Something you’re good at: Writing and talking to people.

Something you hate: Whenever I finish cleaning something and someone either treks over the carpet in their muddy boots or a cat throws up, etc.

Something you forget: I don't know; I forgot.

Your love language: ...English?

Favourite movies/shows: BtVS and AtS, SoA, Mr. Robot, Anora, Inception, 21/22 Jump Street, The Silence of the Lambs, honestly I love way too many shows and movies to list as faves without creating a wall of text.

Favourite food: Coffee, steak, Tagalongs... I can't really think about food right now because I'm sick and just eating a couple bites of dinner was "enough."

Favourite animal: My two cats. Other than them, frogs, turtles, panthers (the big version of my babies), ducks, otters... I like most animals more than I do people.

What were you like as a child?: Loud, rebellious, some (adults) would say I was inciting but I like to think I was persuasive. To summarize, there's a photo of me somewhere at age three or so, in a hot tub with my godsiblings, wearing nothing but my underwear, with my head thrown back and my tongue sticking out while my hands are throwing the rock salute. Not much has changed. Bonus example, my best friend has known me since we were in kindergarten, but we spent some time apart while she was in Bolivia. When she came back to the States, she wanted me in Florida for her 21st birthday and asked her sister if I could stay with them for a couple weeks. Her sister asked, "Crazy, five-year-old Nix?" My best friend answered, "I mean, she's older now. But. Yeah."

Favourite subject in school: Anything history-related, with English as a close second, if not a tie. PE was pretty nice, too.

Least favourite subject: Anything math-related. I lump chemistry in with that category, too.

What’s your best character trait?: I come off as approachable to people.

What’s your worst character trait?: Procrastination.

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?: I wouldn't mind not being sick.

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?: Does it have to be someone I'm actually meeting, or can it be someone I would like to see again? In the case of the former, either my paternal grandmother (she died when I was two so I barely remember her, and therefore counts) or Stieg Larson so I could at least try asking how he intended to end the Millennium series. In the latter case, either my father or my maternal grandpa.

No pressure tags: @renmackree @doc-alva @ephemeronidwrites @nerdherderette @isthatbloodonhisshirt

[animasola86]

Didn’t know where to message on your OG page as there’s no “ask button” so hope it’s okay to message here! S2 of Infatuated…OMG. Also I’m not sure if I just misread the first S1 but I did notttttt know all that happened within a span of 48 hours - crazy!!! Makes so much sense as I always wondered what D would do when she got her period (would be interesting to read more about that in a further chapter) and how she was maintaining her body in “captivity”. Also - Abandoned!!! Woah!!! Is that a standalone piece or is that about Sir? Not sure if I misread it, but the part where it mentions him at the end of Chapter 1 had me SHOOK. So much darker than I thought.

MISSING Innocence Lost too, you left it on such an insane part I really hope you can come back to it one day. Such good story world built w that one!!!

Thank you for this enthusiastic ask! <3

I disabled anon asks on @animasolaoriginal - didn't know that made the ask button disappear completely? Anyway, doesn't really matter, this is my main blog, so it's perfectly fine to write me here, thank you for taking the time to do so :)

OMG indeed haha. Yes, it really all happens in a span of 48 hours, and S2 of INFATUATED will again play over the course of two days. It's high fantasy at this point, isn't it? With how much they do? XD There will be a time skip before S3 though, but not too long, so I still have to face potential period episodes or more details on how she's handling it all. (Not sure I'll implement it into the story, but I'm thinking about writing little oneshots about Sir and Darling at one point, dealing with normal life things.)

Glad you're enjoying ABANDONED too <3 It is technically a spin-off, but also a standalone piece because it's not about Sir and Darling, BUT it does reference Sir, you did not misread. It's the same guy as in INFATUATED, and the girl was one of his former subs, before Darling came along. I mentioned it very briefly in the notes before chapter 1 :)

It is darker, but I was also trying to implement more fluff and normal consensual sex, a little detour from the Dom/sub stuff of the main story. (Though, as it's written from the POV of a very normal dude, Sir will be portrayed as the villain, which, objectively, he is, of course, but ABANDONED is kind of a prequel, so Sir is already experiencing changes in INFATUATED.)

Trust me, I miss INNOCENCE LOST as well, I do think about Ben and Nebbia every day. I did leave it at a strange part, right on the edge of them finally getting closer for real, but that is the thing: the slow burn is finally at that point where they'll get intimate, and I don't want to screw that up, it's supposed to still be slow and cute and fluffy, and with INFATUATED still on my mind, it's hard not to drift into the harder smut stuff, you know? XD

Also yes, it is a more elaborate world I'm working with, not just a room and a bed and two people doing it, but real plot and all the things around it, so that makes it harder to get back into, in a way. Excuses, I know, but yeah...

I hope I will get into the mood to continue their story soon, I really do. It's not an abandoned story, just resting for now, it'll come back, one day.

Thank you again for your ask and your interest in my stories! I really appreciate it, and it's so much fun yapping about my own works like this! Thank you for allowing me to do that :D

[evelhak]

✨ I'm so high that I need to get my feelings out somewhere, I don't care, I'm gonna overshare about ballet now big time because I had an amazing day, just one of those you're going to remember forever! ✨

Ballet has always been a rocky road for me, as someone with invisible disabilities and also just plain bad luck. I'm stubborn, and I always come back, but I can't pretend the feeling of hanging from the backdoor handle of a moving car isn't something that has been constantly following me. I don't really have a choice but to keep hanging because I just love ballet.

I can't truly claim love at first sight doesn't exist, because when I saw ballet on TV the first time when I was about five years old, I fell head over heels and forever. There was just no way ballet wasn't going to be in my life forever. Pretty typical story, right? I feel like I've heard it a thousand times both irl and fiction.

And that brings me to how it's not really my bad times or disabilities that matter, you know? Well, of course they matter, as in they have affected me a lot, but it's the good times that matter more, because I'm still here. In the end it's always the ways in which I've succeeded and had enough opportunities and support that are bigger to me than my failures and bad times and the lack of necessities.

I may have often felt like the odds are stacked against me compared to most people I'm dancing with, but at the same time I had enough, you know. There may not have been a ballet school in my town when I first fell in love with ballet, but then by some crazy luck an ex national ballet dancer moved there and started teaching a small group, and I got started. I had to move away shortly and leave my best friend I started ballet with but in my new town I got to go to a real ballet school. That school went bankrupt and there were a lot of complicating factors before I got started with classes again after that, I got too sick to dance in high school, and after going away to university I was barely functioning but somehow everything led me to find a school that became a home to me for a decade. So, I think I learned this attitude from early on, that while I can't take anything for granted, if I persist, a better turn on the road will come.

This is all relevant to the day I just had, bear with me, I just don't know how else to tell this.

I was at my lowest point in ballet in high school. I wasn't any kind of natural talent to begin with, and I was behind because of several reasons. I had just started at a new school, hoping to get to take the regular ballet classes with my age group, but the teacher determined my pointe work insufficient at a single glance, told me I was simply not good enough to perform anymore, that it was too late, and I was put in adult ballet classes when I was 17. I felt this was unfair, because I wasn't given any chance to catch up, and I felt I could catch up, so I swore to myself I would kick ass in adult ballet by Christmas, and I would make them reconsider me.

Well. Otherwise good plan, but I got sick from the mould in my high school. I couldn't even go to school for the majority of my last year, much less dance.

After moving away for university I stumbled on a gold pot. There was this new, only a year and a half old ballet school that immediately spoke to me with its concept. "Relevé - the small ballet studio". It was literally the answer to all my prayers. A big reason why I was always behind technically was because I never received corrections; teachers didn't notice me. In Relevé the whole idea was that groups were so small that the teacher would have time for everyone. Also, that school was all about the love of ballet, and you didn't need to pass a certain bar to perform, it was all about creating the kind of ballets where everyone could do something. All adult ballet groups that wanted, go to go on stage too, not just kids and teens, everyone participated in the ways that best suited them. This felt basically revolutionary at the time, adult ballet was still usually so looked down upon.

I decided that in this school I would do everything I had ever wanted, there was no way I would let any opportunity pass me by. With finally getting good teaching, and my health being good to me for several years, I improved faster than I ever had. I was back on pointe and back on stage a few months after I started in that school.

Soon I began to feel passionate about defending adult ballet at every turn, not just for people like me who were sort of in-between, not having started as an adult, but for the ones who had too, because I was finally at a place where I saw adults bloom! And not only did they not lose to teens in their love for ballet, so many of them were also good by standard measuring sticks. "You started too late to amount to anything" was becoming such a myth to me, and I really, really wanted to help prove that myth wrong in the stuck-in-its-ways ballet world.

When the school's representative group went to their first competition, and our teacher asked us advanced adults if we'd want to go too, since an adult category had just been added, I was prepared to do everything I could to convince the others to go. It wasn't easy for everyone to stop feeling like we'd be laughed out of the stage, especially one student who was technically the best of us despite having started in her twenties, but I was desperate, and thankfully everyone agreed and we ganged up on that one key person to convinve her in the end.

Plot twist, we were the only adult group in the whole country to sign up. That's how undervalued adults still were. So our category was cancelled and we competed with the 16-19 year-olds, which was the most advanced category in an amateur competition. We took home bronze. After that, we were never the only adult group anymore, the number kept increasing year after year.

Soon, I made it back to the regular ballet classes too, but I continued to take adult classes for years, because my heart was still there too. I felt like I had found the perfect balance between the love of dance and also the drive to improve and meet some "objective" standards. The line between adult groups and regular groups was becoming more and more muddled in the school.

But even there, the school's representative group still didn't take adult students, the maximum age was 19. I'm not sure how I got into that headspace exactly, but somehow I couldn't help but think: "I'm gonna change that". I just felt strongly that if I was stubborn and motivated enough, I could. It happened when I was 25. Some original members had left the city to study, and I guess I had been stubborn enough, I had been taking every possible class the representative students also went to, and I made sure I was always volunteering for everything, so maybe that helped, because I was invited to the group.

The following years were my best ballet years yet. I did everything I had never been good enough for before, I had my first solo on pointe, first solo in a competition, first group gold to bring home. On my first year I also got the most advanced student's scholarship, which would have been a pipe dream for me in the past.

I just realised some pictures of my favourite roles might make this post more interesting...

Glinda:

The Wizard of Oz, from the same ballet, obviously:

Some pseudo-artistic edit of me as the Nutcracker/Prince:

I also began teaching adult ballet in a local community school, which was so fulfilling for me, because I got to be there to make those people's dreams come true who had wanted to dance since they were kids but never got the chance before. That was just so, so incredibly meaningful to me because I think ballet is for everyone, especially because the history and culture of it still so often seem to say that it isn't. I've literally heard adults wonder, in late 2010s if there's a weight limit to starting ballet. Heartbreaking, right?

Here's what's supposed to be a funny picture I had to take to introduce myself to my students: (I was clearly into the blurry effect lol...)

I'm sure you can guess the next plot twist, right? Covid came, so everything was closed for a while. Then, I got sick again. At my worst I was horizontal for weeks, and my strength was disappearing to a point were I thought this time this is it, this time I will not dance again at the level I used to. But whatever right? It's not like I hadn't been there before, it's not like I hadn't had those thoughts before, so I guess there's always some voice telling me that if I just have the patience the time will come when I don't feel like that anymore.

Here's me trying to get my strength back after a summer of mostly lying down:

But life really continued to slam me in the face then, because when I was starting to recover, I got Covid. (The effects lasted about 6 months.) And while I was still recovering from that, like, almost right after the acute sick days were over, divorce was dropped on me completely out of the blue.

At that point I was too sick to work and support myself, so I moved back to my parents' house. As soon as I was enough on my feet, I looked for ballet classes... can you guess? About a year ago, by this yet another strange turn of coincidences, I ended up back in that dance school where I had been told, 12 years ago, that I wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't be on stage again. So, I did what I've already done so many times. I built my body and brain back up. I started in the adult ballet classes. (Which perform in this school now! It has been incredible to be able to follow how much the appreciation for adult ballet has increased in the last decade! Something like that needs so many links, not even in a chain but a web!) And then, after I got some strength back, I got to go to the regular advanced classes in that school.

It's probably needless to say I've had a hard year. But now, I've just had my first performance since 2022. And I can't even describe how it made me feel to be back over a decade later, to dance Waltz of the Flowers (it's definitely not easy!) on pointe in this school that told me I just wasn't good enough. And to perform there not only with the advanced students, but I also did Giselle with the adult group I'm in. Both of those things were deemed impossible 12 years ago, for me to be on stage, and for adult ballet dancers to be there in general! Isn't it just poetic sometimes how circular life is? How it spirals? How the highs and lows move like tides? This is just the kind of thing that makes me feel very emotional about that.

Also, Waltz of the Flowers was the music I danced to, with my childhood best friend who I started ballet with, before I had to move away, so it's very special to me. Me and my friend were the oldest in our group, so we had the nerve to suggest to our teacher that we could choreograph a duo for ourselves for the spring performance. She said yes, of course, she always said yes to everything, and she was even going to get us real tutus (which we'd never had before). We were beyond over the moon, as much as any nine-year-olds can be. We were dead serious about everything even though I'm sure it just looked like child's play, but it didn't feel like it. Every day after school we would go to the top floor of the library, where there was this exhibition space that was perfect and empty and we choreographed our dance there and practiced like nothing in the world meant as much. We were best friends who danced together (and did everything else together). What in the world could ever be better than that? (Note from the 30-year-old me: Nothing. It's still the purest bliss I can recall. I really need to call this friend of mine this week, since I haven't in a while.)

Comparison photos of Waltz of the Flowers...

2003:

2024:

In short, to me Waltz of the Flowers was in many ways a closure and a parallel reflecting back on so many things in my ballet journey that I can't quite put it into words successfully. I'm just so happy that I got to do it.

Guess what more? I sprained my ankle half way through it. (The other ankle than the one I sprained at practise two days earlier!) The stage was full of holes (they always seem to be in city theaters...) and I landed in one, coming down from a jump. I felt a good "crunch", so I knew it was worse this time. But I didn't feel pain yet, because you know, adrenaline, so I continued the 3,5 minutes I had left, trying not to think about what damage I might be doing to my ankle, because show must go on.

Guess what more? I got a scholarship. We were the last performance, so I was still out of breath and wondering about how much my ankle was swelling when we stood in the back of the stage, listening to the end of the year speeches, and I have to admit I wasn't fully listening at that point, so I was like, wait what, did I just hear my name? I looked around, and the people next to me were looking at me like GO, so I went, and apparently I had heard right. And the thing is, I had only been in the advanced classes for half a year, I was not 15, I was 30, I was nowhere near my best shape, I had gained like 10 kilos in a couple of years, I was not in any way the kind of person that you'd think usually gets scholarships, so much less than I was when I first got one.

But at the same time... I was no longer like "I can't believe it's me", you know? I was more like "Cool, it's me." Because at this point I know that I'm good. Maybe not in the strictest ballet way. But in my own way, I am good, I know my strengths. I'm really motivated, I work really hard, I always get back up, I give the smallest roles every bit as much as the biggest ones, I have a naturally soft style and I've gotten praise on my technique, arms and legs during this year. I'm also creative. If I can't do something, I find a way to compensate, because I think about the big picture instead of getting caught in one minor thing. I couldn't count my fake splits to you, but numerous times I have danced choreographies that require splits, as the only dancer who can't do a split. This year I really needed to improve my stamina to get through the Waltz of the Flowers successfully, but I couldn't run, because my joint pain is too bad, and my chronic fatigue often prevents me from getting out of the house for anything that isn't strictly necessary, so going swimming was Impossible too. I needed a way to work on my breathing that was both joint-friendly and I could do while I was getting out of the house anyway. So, I started singing at the top of my lungs everyday when I was walking somewhere. It worked like a charm. (I didn't care about people's stares, but I live in a pretty remote area, anyway.)

By saying this was a closure I don't mean that it's any kind of an end. I don't even necessarily consider the times that I was in my best shape to always be my best times, because dance has always been more than that for me. So, I don't see being sick or getting older as any kind of deterioration. I still think that I probably haven't had my best and most interesting times yet. Your circumstances may not be what people see as a mark of success or potential, but you can still make it very interesting and fulfilling.

Who knows, maybe I'll get to collect a bigger series of pictures with sprained ankles with trophies I received in the same day? Well, I guess I hope not, but I do think it's funny that it happened twice.

(By the way, I can walk for short times without crutches, so it doesn't look too bad. :D)

If you're still with me, thanks for reading my self-indulgent rambling. If it by any chance brought to your mind any memories of your own, I'd be glad to listen.

I also wrote this because I want to spread the feeling that you get to be happy and proud and excited about the things you do, no matter what your level is. I'm not at all sad that I couldn't be a professional dancer, I'm beyond happy about everything that I can do, have done, and will do in the future. I've had really interesting times, this doesn't even scratch the surface, and I believe that everyone's stories are worth telling, so that includes my own.

Maybe this isn't the most tumblr-esque post one could make, but at the same time, out of places online it's definitely Tumblr that has the most appreciation for doing things for the heck of it, for the joy of it, so maybe this rambling belongs here anyway.

Towards new challenges! ✨

[hellhound-wrangler]

So I sometimes feel a little guilty about getting Ripley (zero regrets! No take backs! Much like Claudius and his throne, I feel a little bad about circumstances, but would not give up what I gained and do not repent), because I kind of spotted and pounced on an opportunity in a small, emotionally volatile window in my household.

I have wanted a GSD since I was a teenager - there are a lot of breeds I think are cool and would not have minded having if it worked out that way. For example, I once fell madly in love with an adorable brown-and-white husky/malamute cross at an adoption fair, and cried when I left after 20 minutes. Like, I seriously would have taken him home and tried to convince my landlords after the fact that it would not be a problem had it not been for the ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LIVE IN A HOUSE WITH CATS warning he came with. OK, it was a reputable rescue so I couldn’t have gotten away with taking him home without proof of landlord permission, but OMG I so wanted to. And I’m not generally even a fan of sled dogs in general! I like malamutes better than huskies or Samoyeds, but I grew up in an area with a lot of dog racers and have hence met a lot of sled dogs and rejected sled dogs and sled dog crosses, and they are not anywhere in my “dream breed” list.

Anyhow, there are a lot of dog breeds I probably could have been happy with, but I’ve had a soft spot for GSDs for 20+ years, and my in-laws’/landlords’ last elderly dog had just been put down shortly before I got Ripley, leaving the house dogless, The primary reason they had a dog in the first place was because large dogs discourage burglars - they got Meg after a break-in, and Lola a year or so later. So while my in-laws winter in Florida and leave the house and left the dogs in our care, they still liked having big dogs on the property - even elderly, disabled, excessively friendly dogs. Meg had died a few years ago (three years ago this April, run over by a door-to-door salesperson), and Lola’s cancer had advanced to the point that we had to let her go early in the summer of 2016.

So the house was dogless, my in-laws were mourning Lola but also worrying about a dogless property, and I had been wanting a dog of my own for years (a no-go with socially-awkward disabled senior-citizen dog Lola), and I saw this ad on craigslist for GSD puppies. L and I had been haunting the local bully rescue groups for ages, but in over a year, not a single rescue bully mix in 250 miles of us was approved for a household with cats, so while we’d seen several we would otherwise have loved to meet and see about adopting, none of them would be safe options with Harley in our house. L would really love to have a bully breed dog, and I also like them - they’re adorable, usually v loving to humans, and tend to be snugglers. L and I also both agreed that we’d enjoy a Rottie, given our experiences to date with the breed. He wasn’t wild about the thought of a GSD because of the whole “slope back”/hip dysplasia thing (I know, I know, that’s not actually a thing and HD is an issue but not related to how a dog stacks. Neither of us knew that at the time). At least he didn’t dislike the dogs themselves the way I actively dislike standard poodles (it’s probably just bad breeding and lousy training, but literally EVERY standard poodle I’ve ever met has been a neurotic, aggressive, kid-chasing, low-bite-threshold complete asshole, and I will literally leave a park or pet store if I see one because I don’t trust them or their handlers at all), but he was concerned about potential health issues.

But there was this ad for adorable puppies, and I convinced my MiL to come and “just take a look” at them (to be fair, I really did think we could just take a look at them and then go meet some other puppies and young dogs, and make a calm and thoughtful decision). And I fell totally in love with Ripley, as did my MiL, and we wound up bringing her home. L knew we were going to go check out puppies (although he had work and couldn't join us), and he does love Ripley, but I basically picked our dog from a breed he was kind of “meh” about because I was the one who took point on Dog Search 2016 and I saw a shot for a dog from my dream breed and I fell in love.

So yeah, we got a BYB GSD, with no research or any real training experience among any of us, and we got PHENOMENALLY lucky - Ripley is a puppy and thus often a total pain in the ass, but she’s absurdly healthy (the vet comments admiringly every time she has a check-up on her physical condition - not just eyes/heart/teeth, but muscle and joint health), incredibly friendly, and (once her puppy fear period passed) utterly fearless. She’ll droop her ears and give me the Sad Face of Ultimate Pathos during the not-fun part of exams, but she’s never bitten/submissive-peed/behaved in a potentially dangerous fashion during any handling (she will mouth your wrist if you try to haul her by the collar, which is exactly why I don’t do that and tell other people to knock it off if they try it, and she did yelp and scramble/squirm when she was stabbed with the big-ass needle when she was micro-chipped, but has otherwise been a very accommodating - if bouncy - dog). I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time researching dog behavior in general and GSD needs in particular, and a variety of training methods (some of which were terrible and ill-advised, so thank you non-Milan-esque trainers in general and @slashmarks especially for the advice about how NOT to handle puppy chomping!) since we brought her home.

But I know L would have really liked to have a bully mix, and honestly, I would have been happy with a bully rescue of pretty much any age, had we been able to find one that was OK to have in a house with cats. But I had the chance to get a GSD puppy, and I took it. And honestly, if we get a second dog, I’m OK with a bully as long as it a) is NOT dog or cat aggressive and b) L is willing to be the primary trainer and handler. Rip is already a lot of work, and she’s smart and interested in making me happy. I’m happy to be her trainer, but I still get frustrated and have to take a lot of breaks as is when she gets over-excited. Working with an adult/late-adolescent dog with ingrained habits that is probably not going to be as willing to try to figure out what I mean when I’m unclear is a challenge I don’t know if I’d be up to anytime soon, and most of the bullies up for adoption locally were surrendered at 9-18 months for behavioral issues/poor manners (and are generally in shelter/foster/kennels for a few months before being adopted out) - there are a lot of 12 month+ dogs who aren’t housebroken up for adoption, for example).

If we get a second dog that is also going to be primarily my responsibility, then it’ll be another GSD (or possibly a closely related breed), although next time I’ll probably go with the whole “research and apply to established reputable breeders who produce the kind of dog I’d like to live with” route rather than the “BYB/rescue and trust to luck” route. I suspect I used up 2-3 lifetimes worth of luck getting Ripley, so I want to stack the odds in my favor next time.

[swampstew]

Blind Date Event ~ Kyros X Reader

Thank you to everyone who submitted applications for my Blind Date Matchmaking Event. I hope you enjoy these lovely bedtime stories during this week of overpriced chocolates, flowers and heart shaped things. @imaultrabossbruh ma'am the way I am so fucking jealous of you...whew. Anyways enjoy the best husband and father material in OP (besides Bege ofc)

Mostly fluff, SFW, Kyros X Female reader, first blind date experience. WC: 1.1K. Minors DNI - my content is for mature audiences only

Retired Lieutenant Colonel Kyros stepped out of his car to let you slide in the backseat. He was a striking, tall man with a kind face and gorgeous black locks. You weren’t expecting to be driven by a chauffeur but that was apparently one of the perks from being honorably discharged from the army, according to him.

While the two of you sat in the car comfortably,  Lieutenant Colonel – no he insists you call him Kyros, please – pulls out the neatly folded pamphlet from the matchmaking medium.

“I have to be honest with you, ______. I did not sign up for this matchmaking event. My daughter signed me up. But please, do not take it the wrong way. I am excited to be here, I just have not dated in a very long time and I’m not sure I know how to do it anymore.”

His voice had a foreign accent you couldn’t quite place but it suited him well. Everything about his appearance suited him. The way his suit accentuated all his muscled mass, the way his hair was pulled back and not trying to hide the scar on his face, everything about the way he presented himself was confident and impressive to say the least.

So, it shocked you to hear how…insecure he sounded.

He held his hands up in surrender, “Wait I do not think that came out right. Argh, I’m sorry I think I am already, how do you say, blowing it up.”

You giggle, cautiously reaching a hand to his arm. He tensed a little.

“Its ok Kyros. I haven’t been on a date in a while either.”

He looked you over, analyzing your face. He let a smile form on his face and his body relaxed. “My daughter would say I am a hot mess right now.”

That made you laugh and he took the opportunity to quickly glance at pamphlet, the car finally humming to life as the driver plugged in the GPS coordinates. Kyros blushed, eyes narrowing as he read over the ice breaker topics. You noticed some sweat droplets forming on his temple.

“Tell me about yourself Kyros. You’re retired from the army with impressive honors and you have a daughter old enough to sign you up for blind dating. But what makes you Kyros the man?”

“______, that’s…” he sighed, “That’s a bit of a long story.”

It was but you hung on to his every word. His unfortunate and rough background, his criminal record, how he turned himself around and joined the army, finding and losing his first love, and the life of a single dad. By the time he finished speaking, the car had pulled up to the restaurant.

“Ah, I’m sorry I spent all that time talking about me,” he nervously massaged his neck.

“The date technically hasn’t started so don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you,” you smile warmly.

Kyros felt relieved by that. Truth was, he did see his daughter sign him up for the blind date but he became so flustered at the gesture that he pretended he never noticed. So far you hadn’t been turned off by his anxiety, his disability nor the fact that he had a teenage daughter. He felt like those would surely be deal breakers for most people; not you it seems and that gave him a spark of hope.

Being the gentleman he is, he held the door open for you and pulled out your seat for you. You were not used to someone being this well-mannered. Could your era of dating fuck boys finally be at an end?!

Drinks and food were shared between you as your night continued. You told him more about yourself: your crazy work schedule from the job you were very passionate about, your family, your hobbies, what you were looking for in a relationship.

Kyros drank his mimosa and listened politely to you. He appreciated how lively you were talking about your passions and your family. Kyros valued family above all else. He appreciated that your principles lined up and he was pretty certain you were feeling the same way. But he had to know…

“_____, I know we’ve briefly talked about my daughter and I don’t want to keep bringing her up while we enjoy our night getting to know each other. I find that I am quite enjoying your company. A lot. And I just need to know now that you do not have any reservations about it. My daughter is my life and one of my deal breakers is someone who could not accept Rebecca because she is a reminder of my last marriage. So please, tell me now before I start to fall for you – will that be an issue for you?” his gaze was firm, analytic.

You had to suppress any noises for fear of giving the wrong impression.

“Of course not, Kyros. If it was, I would have stepped out of the car the second you said you didn’t sign up for the event.”

Kyros eyes nearly bugged out of his face. He forgot he did mention it while the car was still parked in front of your home. You had the free pass to exit right then and there and you did not take it.

“Right,” his face relaxed. “Good to know.”

And that was the last wave of tension that rolled off his shoulders. The rest of your night was full of excitement and fun. Kyros didn’t let completely loose, still maintaining his decorum as a highly decorated officer of course. That did not however, stop him from borderline hogging the karaoke machine.

There was no line or official sign-up sheet, so Kyros took that as permission to sing his heart out. Finding covers by artists you mentioned you enjoyed, you were extremely pleased to hear that Kyros was a PHENOMENAL singer. Like he could go on The Voice and probably win he was that good.

You cheered him on and that inspired him to serenade with the final song of the evening. It was the best rendition of Santana’s Smooth you’d ever heard in your life. That was the moment you felt something blossom in your chest, flush reaching your cheeks and ears, clapping with the audience who stood to applause him.

Kyros paid the bill and walked you out with his arm holding yours. As he opened the car door he looked at you with a charismatic smile, one that nearly made you swoon.

“If you would allow me, I would like to take you on another date. Perhaps to the local national park trail and enjoy a picnic?”

You hoped the smile on your face could match even a fraction of your delight. “I would love a second date.” The happiness in his smile reflected the shine in his eyes as he reached down and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“I am glad we were matched tonight, ______.”

[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[avatarvyakara]

Strands of Webbing

A Spiderverse Fanfic

Prompts 289-300

“Taking it Easy”

First | Previous | Next

289. Lineage

“Now just stay close to Uncle Pete, and you’ll be just fine,” soothes Peter.

“Um...I already have an Uncle Pete,” says Charlie through the modulator. “You know him. You’re more like a crazy deformed-mandrill grandpa.”

“Oh. Huh! Well.”

“Not that that’s a bad thing! Anyway, I never knew my real grandpa, Grandma ate him a few months before my mom was born. So it’s kind of nice.”

“...okay? Thanks, I suppose...”

Doing Spider-training usually involves fewer existential crises. (Usually. That time with Miles doesn’t count.) But Charlie’s learning fast, considering the fact that he and his siblings are all out as Spiders-Man for the first time.

Plus, Peter’s world is a decent training ground, given that it doesn’t have too many really bad villains left after all these years.

“Show me what you got, kid.”

Just annoying ones, mainly.

Charlie is good at swinging, surprisingly—well, the twenty or so spiders operating the web-shooters are good at swinging. But combat is an area where he still needs a lot of work.

“What’s wrong, Spider-Man?” taunts Tarantula, holding Charlie down with the sole of his boot. “No quips today?”

“Spiders-Man.”

“¿Qué?” says Tarantula distractedly, swiping near the neck of the suit with a razor-sharp claw.

Which is promptly blocked by a hand that doesn’t quite seem to bend right.

“Spiders-Man, not Spider-Man. Also, Seamus suffers asthma attacks and you’re squishing him. Could you remove your boot, please?”

Whatever the terrorist was expecting, over eight hundred seemingly indestructible cartoon spiders crawling out of a quickly-deflating Spider-suit is apparently not among them

“AAAARGH!”

He tries to stamp on one. It doesn’t have the desired effect. It’s like kicking a brick.

“AAAAAH!”

wHat dId wE JuST SAy, hums a shrill voice in the air, as the spiders crawl up the villain. sEaMUs hAS bOOkmArk lUng, aNd You tHInk stEppIng oN hiM Is goINg to hElp ClEaR HiS COnGesTIon? GOod grIeF tHeRe’s nO ResPeCT foR PeOple wiTh DISabiLitiEs theSe DaYs.

Tarantula faints.

The spiders mill about for a while, then start to crawl back into the suit.

Peter watches the whole thing in horrified fascination.

“Er...nice work, kid. Kids.”

tHaNKs grANdPA pEteR, say the spiders.

“Um...you didn’t bite him or anything, right?”

Someone kicks the modulator back to life as the suit fills up.

“Nah.”

“Oh. Good.”

Next week, Peter gets news that Tarantula has apparently moved to Argentina. He’s tempted—slightly—to book a flight for himself too.

Although it is a lot quieter in New York for a while after that.

290. Mulaney

“But we’ve got to keep checking the news, right? All this stuff with the new President, it’s like having a hospital in a horse. A living, normal-sized horse, and a normal-sized hospital that might be functioning. What is a hospital doing in a horse? Well, how are we supposed to know? All we know is there’s a hospital in a horse, and it’s really [bleep] hard not to wonder what the [bleep] is going to happen next.”

Comedy nights over the Web-chat are a bit of a mixed bag when Ham gets involved.

291. Public

Fine, you really wanna do this one last time? We’ll do this one last time. And then you get the hell out of my office.

My name is J. Jonah Jameson, Junior. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and what did you think I was going to do, put on a mask and my whole life on hold to start using these insane powers? What do you take me for? No, what I did was, I finished up that report on our soldiers in the Korean War, came home...found out that my wife had...had been mugged and killed while I was away...and went back to the press. Made some decent investments using my newfound Good Sense, started up a company (the Joan Darling, J.D. Foundation), kept the Bugle running smooth as silk, got married again and technically adopted my wife’s niece, fostered another kid from a family who took me in during the War while we worked on getting her family out of Pyongyang, saw my son Jon land on the Moon...

And that’s been the last twenty-odd years of my life.

Look, if you’re looking for me to tell you that I became a masked hero and went around making a mess of things, you won’t get it. I don’t like masks. I don’t think heroes are heroic all the time. So I might be handy in a fight, I might have hunches that make me the envy of the world of journalism, but I’m not going to go out and make an alter ego. Anything I do, it’s gonna be as J. Jonah Jameson.

That said...with a company dedicated to buying and selling stocks that produces tens of millions of dollars in revenue, a newspaper that’s the pride of New York, and a network of agents trying to find kids with superpowers and help them learn to control them, J. Jonah Jameson can do a lot.

Done? Good. Get out.

292. Theory

“You getting any of this?” Peter asks Porker, who shakes his head.

An angry mixture of Spanish, Japanese, and Hindi technical terms flies through the air. Peni has SP//dr to translate, Miguel has Lyla interpreting a little behind real-time, and Roshni’s mask contains a built-in Rosetta function in the eyepatches. None of which is available to Peter, who is from 1930s Manhattan and barely speaks passable English (“Be nice to yourself, Gray”).

“Far as I can make out,” says Porker’s future counterpart, “they’re all trying to find a way to explain holographic technology, but the physics in each world is different enough that it shouldn’t actually work. Something to do with the nature of light in each universe.”

—which is interesting because I seem to work in all of them despite my quantum-locked photonics array being fairly unique to Miguel’s world—

—Roshni thinks I might be a reincarnation of someone, like that stock market computer in her world which successfully proved in court that it had been a Vietnamese fisherman in another life—

—Miguel doesn’t believe in reincarnation and Peni believes it wouldn’t have any effect on my projections even if I were—

—so basically they’re comparing quantum theories and screaming at each other—

—which is fun to watch—

“Lyla? Aren’t you supposed to be translating?”

The hologram gives Peter a wry look.

—I can multitask, you know—

293. Sling

As it turns out, the Hudson Valley is actually a great place to try this out.

“You ready?” Peter asks, cautiously—

“Whoooooo!”

Man, if he’d known giving Mary Jane her own web-shooters would make her this happy he would have done it years ago.

“Uhhhh, Peter?!”

“Here we go!” he says, catching her just before she falls and landing on a tree branch. “Just, you know, thwip, and double-tap to release. Here—” He takes her left hand. “How about we go together for a while?”

She nods and smiles and squeezes that hand and he tries not to float off the branch. “So! Where to?”

“Hmm. Ladies first?”

She grins. “Right. Onward!”

Thwip and release. Thwip and release.

Half an hour later they’re completely lost in the summertime woods and Peter cannot find a single reason to care.

294. Realize

Miles had a crush on Gwen right from the start. Gwen thought Miles was kind of cute until he gave her an impromptu haircut, but warmed up to him again fairly quickly. They’ve been best friends—among one another’s best friends—for years.

They’ve also had a kind of on-again-off-again relationship for most of that time. Not quite committed but...well, there have been opportunities to see other people and they haven’t really used them even when they’re on a break.

Nothing formal. It can’t be. Stay in either dimension too long, even with proper food and rest, and they start glitching. Moving it past a certain stage would mean acknowledging the very real possibility that they risk effectively pulling their partner into a death-trap, regardless of advanced healing abilities.

But Gwen makes Miles feel fearless, and Miles makes Gwen feel soft, and that’s something both of them both of them need almost as much as they need the other.

295. Credit

“Nanotech!” boasts Peni excitedly. “And I’ve got it set up to realign itself with the local universe—” she ignores the sotto voce cough of “*Already did that*” from Miguel— “so whatever the local exchange rate and computer software is will be mimicked by the card. Except in my dimension because they’d recognize it, and the pre-electronic eras are harder, but...”

“...we have money,” says Peter B.

Peni rolls her eyes, but chuckles. “That’s right. We have money.”

“Oh thank God.”

296. Siblings

Benjamin P. Parker is older than his sister by all of about eight months. He has also never met her before.

The three-year-old toddles across the floor to where Uncle Peter (always Uncle Peter, he looks like Daddy but he isn’t and he must remember that, says Mommy) is holding a small squirming...thing.

“Sorry, she’s still not used to this kind of travel—” he says.

Miles, who is babysitting, grins. “Hey, no sweat. Hey, Benjy, come and meet May.”

Benjy looks at the mewling...person, he thinks, and wonders why she is in his house—

—and then there’s a strange flash of BenjyMayUnclePeterMiles—

He blinks.

“She’s like me,” he tells his babysitter.

“That she definitely is, Little Bee,” says Miles, smiling. “Just don’t go climbing the walls with her yet, okay?”

“Awww...”

297. Tea

“So, that’s one Earl Grey for Billy, one Boba for Peni, two Green for Hida and Other Peni, one Black for Cindy, one Lemon Grass for Roshni, and one Masala Chai for me,” says Pavitr, taking notes.

“I feel like we’re inviting stereotypes here,” says Roshni.

“I don’t reckon so,” Billy replies, preemptively reaching for the sugar.

“For Peter...coffee. And a reminder of what civilization looks like when you don’t commit blasphemy.”

Pauker glares. “I told you, that was in Boston!”

“And a Peppermint for Addy.”

On her shoulder, Weying the spider bounces excitedly.

“...no, Addy.” That’s from both Peni Parkers at the same time, exasperated in different ways.

“Aw, man...”

298. Perceive

“...you wanna come see?” asks Goggles.

Cindy’s not quite sure how they got to this point.

“Pardon?”

The other Spider shuffles awkwardly.

“You know. The Hobbit. Don’t know much about this Jackson guy, but Peter B. seems to like the way he did Lord of the Rings, and it would help your catch-up plan, so...”

There are a million reasons that this is a bad idea, not least of which is that this sounds remarkably like a date and she’s not entirely sure dating is on the cards for her just now. But then Goggles is trying to be more modern, right? And in the modern day people go to the movies with other people and it’s not necessarily a date. And they’re friends, or at least “fellow Spiders with self-made webbing and a mild disconnect from modern society”. And it’s not like there’s any other connection, because despite checking again and again the pheromones don’t seem to go off around him like they do with some of the others. (We speak not at all of the Incident on Earth-65, thank you.) So if there are any ulterior motives...

If there are any ulterior motives, which again given Goggles’ general nature is unlikely, then they’re caused by biology that’s slightly more regular than whatever happens because of their respective spider-bites.

Silk grins.

Not that that’s a problem. (Because it’s not a date.)

“You know about popcorn?”

Goggles snorts. (It’s a friendly sound.) “Probably.”

“Heh. Just checking. So...maybe this Friday?”

Cindy has a mild panic attack on the bus, and they end up swinging there, but Goggles doesn’t seem to mind. (“You wanna head back?” “No, it’s okay, I got this. Just need a minute.” “Take your time, sweetheart.”) There’s a moment of very slight confusion about paying “Dutch”, but that’s smoothed over soon enough. (“You know the card covers it no matter what, right?” “That’s not the point, though...” “It kind of is, though.”) The story is a little strange, the love triangle confusing, the battle scenes mildly preposterous to two crime-fighters, and the idea of turning a children’s book into...well, basically a war film is absurd for both someone who treats the original books like a second Torah and someone who actually quite liked the original three films. They spend a good two hours afterwards complaining (“kvetching”, in Goggles’ words) and laughing about it as they swing back to Cindy’s apartment and get mildly distracted by an attack from the Lizard. (Who apparently is not a genius time-travelling dinosaur in Goggles’ world, who knew?)

And then Peter tips his hat and says thank you and goodnight, and smiles pretty warmly for someone in monochrome, and pulls a loaf of what looks like homemade cornbread out of a pocket. (“It was Peter B.’s idea, I know it’s a little squashed...” “It smells really good. Thank you.”) And says goodnight again, which she echoes back. And leaves.

(And no pheromones. Not a sniff.)

It’s not a date.

Which neither of them thought it was, obviously.

(And the next time she sees him she is definitely not inviting him over to watch the extended edition of Fellowship of the Ring on DVD. Because that would be much easier for him to interpret as a date. But then, it would only be polite, right? Plus, her home, so less chance for a sudden attack of agoraphobia. If she were doing that. Which she isn’t.)

Somehow the cornbread actually tastes good.

299. Sweet

Everyone from the Spider-Gang—the Original Six—is a little tense when Miles logs on.

But he’s beaming wide.

“I’m a big brother!”

The cheers and whoops at the birth of one Mirasol Erin Morales echo across the multiverse.

300. Midnight

Another year, come and gone.

The city is still standing.

And it’s so, so nice to know they’re not alone.

[willowandfog]

Taking Flight

Summary: Kagome has been struggling with her disability most of her life but she's never felt anything but normal with Inuyasha always steadily by her side. But when her neurologist approaches her with the chance to recover full use of her leg, she takes it.

A childhood friends to lovers, soulmates AU

Read on AO3 or Below the Cut

Sorry this is a day late, work got in the way and I literally fell asleep at my desk yesterday trying to write this chapter ^.^

See you soon for chapter six, first date!

Kagome would never let Inuyasha find out about the fact that she had brought work with her. It really needed to get done, and even though she was technically already on vacation she felt responsible for it. Besides, she knew that she would need the distraction it would bring. She was staying with her mother, Inuyasha and herself had reluctantly agreed to sleep apart for the night. 

Stupid tradition. She thought. It’ll be good for you guys, they said. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they said. 

Kagome rolled her eyes and sighed. Leaning back she tried to loosen her shoulders and relax a little further into the tub. She would admit that it had been nice to just sit and have some girl time over a lovely dinner with her mother and Izayoi, and her grandfather adding in cheeky commentary every now and then. Steam rose from amongst the lavender scented bubbles as Kagome closed her eyes and shifted her head, trying to get her neck into a more comfortable position, the loose tendrils that framed her face growing damp from the brief dip into the tub. 

The tension in her body began to melt away and she hummed in appreciation. 

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Inuyasha was in a daze as he sat on their comfortable tan couch. He was in Kagome’s normal spot because it held her scent more than anywhere else, other than the bed; but he decided he wasn’t going to be that guy, laying in bed missing her, yet. The television was on but he wasn’t paying attention, he was missing her; he’d been away from her before, obviously. But never like this, not in a long time, not since they had both turned eighteen and moved into the apartment together. They spent their work days apart but they always, always were together while they slept. It helped soothe them both, him more so with his youkai instincts screaming at him to bond with her. When she was safe and content in his arms he was settled, he was at peace with himself, mostly. He found that the youkai was most quiet when he was being intimate with Kagome and they had been abstaining from that for the past week. 

He sighed, throwing his head back. He felt like there were bugs crawling under his skin, like his youkai was going to claw out of his body and rip the door off its hinges and go find its mate. He knew where she was staying, of course; she was spending the night at her mother’s, but knowing he wouldn’t see her till tomorrow afternoon, and the thought of sleeping without her was driving him crazy. A knock on his door snapped him out of his stupor. 

Kagome! No, stupid, Kagome wouldn’t need to knock. 

With a sigh, he rose to answer the door. When the door swung open he let out an audible groan.

“What do you guys want?”

“Greetings, my liege. Thy fair maiden has bestowed upon us a quest.” Miroku grinned at him as he presented his arm full of liquor bottles. 

“What the hell are you talking about and why are you talking like that?”

“Because he already started drinking in the car and you pick the weirdest friends.” Kouga stated from his position behind Miroku, arms folded across his chest.

Inuyasha sighed. “So why are you guys here?” He stepped to the side to allow them inside.

“Thy maiden-”

“No.” Inuyasha said as he closed the door. “You, speak.” He pointed to Kouga before crossing his arms and continuing. “Why are you here? I’m not great company right now.”

Kouga raised a brow as he ventured over to the couch, just as he was about to sit Inuyasha let out a fierce growl.

“I don’t think so, wolf.” Inuyasha spoke through gritted teeth. “You will sit over there.” He pointed to the armchair. “Don’t think I don’t know why you zeroed in on that spot.” Inuyasha went over and sat in the spot Kouga had tried to claim. 

Kouga rolled his eyes before moving to the chair. “Kagome sent us over as the idiot said. She thought it would be best if you had friends over to help you make it through the night. Well technically she said ‘could you guys go over and have a guys night, Inuyasha might have a tough time by himself.’”

Inuyasha’s heart ached and he found himself rubbing a hand across his chest. Of course she would make sure he wasn’t alone without her. She was the most amazing, thoughtful person in the world. She was so sweet, kind, and never selfish. She should never have to do anything for herself, she should be taken care of, always. 

Inuyasha suddenly stood, he had to go to Kagome, she might need him. He had almost reached the door when Kouga was blocking the way, holding a hand up as if that would stop him. 

“Move. I’m going to Kagome, screw this sleeping apart shit.” 

Kouga didn’t move. “Come on, Inuyasha. It’s just one night, Kagome is safe at her mother’s and you’ll see her tomorrow. You’re getting married tomorrow, the next time you see her she will be walking down the aisle to pledge herself to you. You’re a man, not a wild animal, pull yourself together.” 

Kouga rested his hands on Inuyasha’s shoulders and turned him around, giving him a nudge back towards the couch. “Now go sit, let Miroku pour you a drink and we can hang out and be bros or whatever.”

Miroku handed Inuyasha one of the bottles of bourbon he had set on the coffee table before sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

“Really?” Inuyasha questioned him, sitting. “You think trying to get me drunk will help with my decision making and that I might feel less like shit about the fact that she’s not here?”

Miroku shrugged. “Nah. Just thought a little might help you relax. Try not to be so aggressive, your mate is fine, you’ll see her tomorrow, and for now you sit and relax and hang out with your friends.”

Inuyasha sighed as he twisted open the bottle and took a swig. “So why are you here? We aren’t friends, acquaintances at best.” 

Kouga let out a chuckle. “‘Cause Kagome and I are friends, and she asked me to come over. She wanted someone that would be able to help in case you went all crazy youkai on Miroku trying to leave the apartment.”

“Ok, ok. Fine. I know that this is something that Kagome agreed to, and she obviously wants to stick with it, so I’ll try my best to reign in the urge to bolt out of here. Pick up a bottle Kouga, let’s get drunk.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Kagome sat on the guest bed, back propped up against the headboard, her comfortable Slytherin pajama bottoms on paired with one of Inuyasha’s shirts that was far too large on her small frame. Her damp hair was thrown into a messy bun on top of her head and she had her work laptop in her lap. As she typed furiously away on her computer her mind kept trying to wander. She wondered if Inuyasha was holding up ok, knowing that this separation would be harder on him with his need to bond. 

Checking the time, she knew that Miroku and Kouga must be there by now, she hoped they were distracting him. She contemplated texting one of them to make sure they were over there and that things were going alright, but decided against it since she knew that Inuyasha would have a harder time if he knew she was worrying over him. She was briefly curious to know what they were doing to occupy their time but decided against that line of thoughts so she tried to focus back on her work. 

When she found her thoughts straying again sometime later, she closed her laptop on a huff. Climbing from the bed, she placed her laptop back into her bag before making her way to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. As she was brushing her teeth she thought about Inuyasha, and how he had always placed her needs first. Hell, he had built his life around her, his career was even chosen for her benefit. Wanting to be able to take care of her the best that he could, he had gone into physical therapy, spending years in school and gaining his doctorate. 

The surgery she had undergone had worked as well as could have been expected, she could mostly walk correctly, she had a noticeable limp at times but never required her crutch, and when her leg would get sore or start cramping up, she would just wear her leg brace and everything would be fine. Now that she didn’t need constant therapy, she wondered if Inuyasha would think or want to change specialties. She hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with him about it yet, with her healing and rehabilitation after the surgery and with the upcoming wedding, but she made a note to do so soon. 

She would be forever grateful that he had chosen a physical therapy career, but it also caused her some guilt every now and then. He had picked his path because of her; if she hadn’t had her stupid injury, would he still have gone down that road? She didn’t think he would have, and she would make sure that he knew how much she loved him for his decision but that he didn’t have to stay in a career that he didn’t enjoy, especially if there was something else he would rather be doing. 

She snuggled under the covers, tugging the extra pillow over to cuddle with, wishing once again that she was back home with Inuyasha. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

“I still can’t believe you tried to kiss her!” Miroku burst into another round of hysterical laughter, almost toppling off his seat. “You’re so lucky,” he sucked in a breath between his laughs, “that Kagome is so soft-hearted. Inuyasha,” more laughter escaped him, “Inuyasha would’ve killed you!”

Kouga tried to resist Miroku’s contagious laughter but couldn’t, finding himself chuckling even as he glared at him. “Well, i-s was worth it; I was a hair's breaths away from being Kagome’s fir-rsst kiss. If I would ‘ave kissed her and died as a result, it would have been worth it.” 

Inuyasha growled. “Watch it.”

“What?” Kouga gasped in feigned disbelief. “You should take that as a compl-lment. Your mate is highly dessirable and she wants only you. If the roles were r-reversed here, and gods do I wish they were, I’d be rubbing it in your face. If I got to touch that perfects body, and kiss those lus-...luscious lips and smell her delicious c-”

Inuyasha pounced, tackling Kouga from his spot on the edge of the chair and rolling with him to the ground. They rolled over one another over and over, both trying to get the upper hand, both too drunk and uncoordinated to function well. 

“Here’s an idea,” Kouga said between the rolls, “we should hav-a rematch, winner getsss to marryy ‘Gome tomorrow.”

Inuyasha jumped to his feet, swaying, and put his fists in the air. “You got it. Y-your’s so going dow..n” He tilted his head as if confused by his own words. “Kick yooour ass again.”

Kouga slowly rose, using the back of the chair for balance. “Dream on, doggie...dog boooy.” 

When Kouga took a wavery step towards Inuyasha, raising his own fists, a loud snore snapped both of their attention to the couch. Miroku lay sprawled out on the couch face down, arm dangling off the side, empty bottle dangling from his fingers. 

Inuyasha dropped his arms and straightened. “Better idea. I go lay on ‘Gome’s sside of the bed, and dream ‘bout how ‘morrow she’ll be my wife and my soul bond-ded mate.”

“Nooo.” Kouga whined as Inuyasha stumbled towards the bedroom. “Come back, fight. I wanna marry ‘Gome.”

“Dream on, wolf.” 

As Inuyasha dropped face first into the bed, he pulled Kagome’s pillow close, snuggling his face in deep as he held it tight to his chest. He breathed in a deep breath of her scent, missing the chirp from his pocket, as he quickly succumbed to his drunken sleep. 

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Kagome laid there, staring into the darkness, realizing that she couldn’t sleep without the sound of Inuyasha’s soft snoring and his warmth surrounding her. She groaned at herself as she felt the beginnings of tears start to form, swiping at her cheeks when they escaped. Giving in, she rolled over and grabbed her cell phone from the night stand. Rolling back into her spot, she sent a text to Inuyasha, telling him that she couldn’t sleep and that she thought hearing his voice might help.

She lay staring at her phone, waiting for almost an hour before she decided that he must have gone to sleep already. Putting Friends on the television, she laid on her side and hoped that sleep would come soon. 

@ruddcatha @superpixie42 @dawnrider @smmahamazing @bluejay785 @lavendertwilight89 @mamabearcat @fawn-eyed-girl @clearwillow @i-dream-of-soup @liz8080 @zelink-inukag @malditamigs

[hatboyproject]

This is very long, but it might be of interest to someone, somewhere. I was asked recently about the direction I'm taking this romance in and whether or not I'll be addressing certain disability specific subjects within it. The answer, of course, is yes - I have always planned to do this in one form or another. Whilst no single piece of media can address everything I'd like to say on the subject, and I am working within the bounds of a larger story with its own pacing and focus to consider, there's still room to touch on some of these things.

I'm aware that my interpretations won't always be the same as others'. They are my interpretations, coloured by my experiences and feelings, and ultimately, this is my mod - I'm writing it for everybody who 'wears the ballcap,' so to speak! But, it's my interpretation of this character that I'm trying to share with everyone. Different people "took the helm" (laugh, I'm hilarious!) on writing Jeff across the trilogy, and as time has gone on I've been trying to convince myself that it's okay to have my turn at doing that, too - albeit in a non-professional capacity. So... Let's get into my interpretation of Jeff, where his stuff comes from on my view, and how things went to get him to where we are at the beginning of ME3, where the romance can occur.

A lot of how I interpret him comes from experiences in my own life with my own issues, and with those of my loved ones, some of whom are physically disabled in similar (but not identical) ways to Jeff. Some of this carries an element of catharsis for me.

Mechanically and narratively speaking, what draws me to writing this romance is the contrast between how these two characters are strong. It's this core idea that strength doesn't have only one manifestation in a person. That loving somebody doesn't have to be done only one way, that it can be beautiful and passionate and fulfilling - even if, when it gets physical, the headboard can't exactly be made to shatter with the force of it all. For me, it's also an exercise in insecurity and dealing with feelings of frustrated inadequacy - something that has plagued me my whole life.

Yes, yes, he's fictional - but the only way for me to really get into a character is to think about them as if they're a real being. When I look at Jeff as a person, I see many things... Some very positive, some pretty negative... I try to see him as a complete person with strengths and flaws.

On the surface he is often defensive, dismissive, sarcastic, and emotionally avoidant. But why is that? He is highly skilled, dedicated and capable, and knows it, but at the same time is a person who is constantly overlooked, underestimated, and asked to work thrice as hard to get the same considerations. Even then, his validity is questioned often by almost everyone around him. Over time, combined with the realities of living with his physical condition, this has given him some deep-seated insecurities. He feels the need to brag about his skills because they are, ultimately, the one thing about himself that he is absolutely certain has real worth. He overcompensates for this by abusing rules and technicalities wherever he can, because I think he knows that if he played life by the rules, he'd never have gotten anywhere. It's a stacked deck, so why not hide some aces up his sleeve? When you don't fit in the box provided, you question the value of every box you see.

When a person lives with this long enough, it can get hard to swim against the tide of society's expectations and still remain chipper about it, let alone not internalise some of it. It can cause a person to create a shell constructed out of distrust and untruth.

Living with a disability can really suck sometimes, and the suck is compounded when having to deal with your own frustrations plus those of others. In my personal experience, that happens a lot.

There is a certain sense of alienation that it can create, and it can become a kind of Sword of Damocles. It can be easier to anticipate rejection and others' assumptions, inabilities to understand or relate than to keep reaching out, only to have the same tired conversations about being different. I see a lot of this in him. I understand the chip he has on his shoulder.

I also see an extremely sensitive, empathetic, devoted and boundlessly loving person under all that. In fact, it's because of these things that I think he actively tries to distance himself. At the core of his being, I see Jeff as somebody who loves quickly and completely. I think he sees that as a vulnerability, incompatible with what he's learned he has to do to survive... and also with the machismo thing that comes with being a pilot. I think on some level he's terrified of that about himself, but he also can't help it. Jeff is ride or die. So, he tells himself he doesn't care and never lets anyone in. Any time anyone showed interest, he'd shut them down, alienate them, distance himself, and get in the seat of something that flies.

I think up until now, (ME3) he's seen intimacy both as a thing he longs for, but is also afraid of because of his fundamental knowledge that he is different. He thinks he can't "measure up" to what he sees all around him. He sees romance as something that will lead to his inevitable rejection and being crushed, emotionally - and if he's not careful, physically, too. I think he's embarrassed about that as well. He's very interested where it comes to all that, but the things he likes to watch, he knows he can't do like that. His only experience is second-hand as a voyeur, so some of his perceptions about that are unhealthy for him. I think any kind of attempt by the medical professionals in his life to broach the topic and offer support on, he's angrily changed the subject, or stopped listening to, because of the entire mess above. I think Jeff is kind of a lonely person, and some of it is self-imposed, though the reasons for him thinking it's the right thing to do aren't all within his control.

All this is difficult for him to reconcile with, because he has been desperately in love with his commanding officer since almost the moment s/he met him, but entirely unprepared to face it.

I think at first it was easy for him to dismiss it as a stupid crush. Everyone gets them when cramped up in close quarters in stressful situations and the Commander's magnetism was hard to ignore. But then it became clear that Shepard really hadn't read his file and really hadn't made any assumptions at all about him. S/he just wanted to know him, and as time progressed and that actually bore out, it got hard not to really feel something powerful, even though s/he was the Commander and it wasn't strictly appropriate to think that way. But, then there was that thing about not fitting in the box provided...

I think he agonised over coming to Shepard with it, but ultimately decided it would be selfish with everything they were going through. I think there was a part of him that decided s/he'd never be interested anyway, not when there were other, healthier people to choose from... People who didn't have these hangups or need special accommodations made for them. I think he decided to keep it to himself, for what he felt was both their sakes.

If/When the Commander quietly hooked up with someone else, I think he had a lot of feelings all at once. On the one hand, the person he cared for most was finding some peace in all the craziness. On the other, he wished that particular brand of peace was shared with him. Most of the time there were more important things to worry about, but during downtime, I think it was on his mind a lot.

I think he feels very sheepish about it, but occasionally his jealousy got the better of him and he interrupted Shepard at moments that got too hard to watch on the security cams. He watched the cams around the ship lot, and listened in on all the others a fair bit. I think because he saw himself as being at a remove from most people in a lot of ways, it was easy to justify that to himself. I think he saw it kind of like listening to a podcast or a soap opera or... Nature documentary, almost, or something. He got to know all of them in this way... Parasocially at first, but gradually, socially too. He felt better about trying, because he had this secret edge. Not the greatest stuff he's ever done, but... Complete person. Strengths and flaws.

And then, the unthinkable happened. He couldn't accept that the ship was dying. He was sure he could save it... But when Shepard's hand touched his shoulder, when s/he'd come back for him, he knew it was over. And then, it really was over. Shepard paid the price for his arrogance. The person he wanted to protect the most spun off out into space. The communicator between his mask and that helmet was still in range for long enough that he could hear the choking. For a long time afterward, even hearing people cough made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

The Alliance grounded him. I don't think he even had the capacity to be mad about it. I think that was a hard time for Jeff. I think between being burdened with the knowledge of the Reapers, the loss of Shepard, and the weight of his guilt, he was pretty close to the very, very edge when Cerberus knocked on his door and made him a bunch of promises. Pretty sure those promises had nothing to do with leather seats and everything to do with Project Lazarus. I'm very sure that the promise of Shepard coming back is the reason he even let Cerberus pay for the surgeries he agreed to undergo, because I don't think he valued himself much at all at that point. I'm pretty sure it was being ready to help Shepard that he was thinking about when he was learning to walk on his painful legs without crutches for the very first time. When Cerberus offered him a big shiny reset button I think he took it without hesitation because there wasn't anything else to hope for. I think seeing Shepard in the docking bay galvanised him and without ever telling them so, he pledged his life to them even harder than before. I think he told himself that he would support Shepard in every way he could. He would go wherever, do whatever, and when dealing with him, try to give them what he knew they needed; a goddamn break.

So, fast forward again, and now we are here. With all of this in mind... Shepard might have had a dalliance with someone else, or might've been too damaged by their previous love interest on Horizon, or whatever. Either way, I think Jeff saw it as not his business to even dream about that. I think the guilt tore him up every time he looked at Shepard. I think he felt like on some level, he deserved the pain of unrequited feelings which only ever got more intense. If he didn't think himself worthy of it back then, doubly so now. I think during the six months of house arrest, he tried to visit, but the Alliance denied his every attempt. Then the attack on Earth happened.

And so now we have Jeff, who, just like other humans is confused and groping about for a sense of what's up and what's down. Fortunately for him, Shepard is part of that sense of stability. He's just better at hiding it, because avoiding it and telling himself to focus elsewhere is second nature to him by this point. But things are a little different, now. Shepard seems looking around for a connection too. Future days seem short in number and the rulebook less and less important by the minute. Denying it to himself becomes impossible, and even EDI prods him about it. Shepard won't stop being so goddamn nice to him and even responds with things that if he didn't know better, he could interpret as... But then all the old insecurities come rushing back and he's walking on his own damn eggshells again. Fuck it. It's time to admit it. To come clean. S/he has to know.

So he asks. And s/he accepts. He's equal parts thrilled, stunned and terrified. He's even on some level, suspicious. Is s/he setting him up for a fall? Are they angry about his responsibility? What do they want out of this, actually? He hasn't explained what it'd be like. That what they're doubtlessly expecting of him is unrealistic. That he's completely inexperienced. I think at this point, he's a bit pissed off with himself and feeling a lot of dread because he's pretty sure how this is going to go. He realises he's got so caught up in it that he's done things in the wrong order. Damage control. He has to talk with Shepard and explain what s/he should expect from him, because it will be different. Manage expectations because he's had to manage his own. He goes in steeled.

But s/he knows it will be different, it turns out. As ever, Shepard has made no assumptions whatsoever. S/he only wants to get to know him. Wants him for everything he is, and accepts what he is not. It was never an issue for them beyond understanding how to work with it, because he is worthy just as he is, and has worked hard enough. He has to teach them about his limitations, about underestimating and overestimating... But where there's a will, there's a way. Time for a few shared moments of peace before the end of days, and through all the craziness, something feels right at last. He feels safe enough to let Shepard in properly. Thus begins his reassessment of himself and reckoning with letting go of the insecurities he has that aren't actually his own, but come from outside.

Also he totally gets to sext the Commander now when s/he's on missions. Nice.

So. There's a lot more I could say and expound upon but it's been hours and I have stuff to do. That's my direction. It's not going to suit everyone, and I doubt I can get everything across... But I'll try. I'm just one person, with just one perspective, with just one version of this story. But I hope people like what I come up with surrounding this framework, because I have lived a lot of it myself. Just a few less Reapers in my version. Not everyone's experiences and responses will be the same.

[kaypeace21]

Stranger things is about mental health & trauma- deal with it!

I’ve seen a lot of people claim anyone who mentioned this topic immediately be gaslit and told they’re “just crazy” and “rudely projecting their own issues on to the characters.’ Like- no you don’t have to believe my  Will DID/Lonnie theory ( I could be wrong). But to claim one of the show’s central themes isn’t about mental health/trauma (screams either complete lack of lit comprehension or denial cause you have your own negative biases towards such people). So let’s just go into what’s literal text-not subtext/symbolism. Just the super blatant stuff.  RIGHT IN THE SHOW!

S1

-We have El when she first appears on screen  asked by Benny if her parents starved and hurt her and if that’s why she ran away. Benny then calls CPS to say El “may have been ab*sed or something.” After this Lucas says there is “seriously something wrong with her-wrong in the head. She’s probably from the NUT-HOUSE in curly county.penthurst” We also see El  cannonically has PTSD-all of s1 she’ll see something benign (a cat, a coke commercial, a closet) and is triggered to see a traumatic flashback. That’s literally ptsd.  There’s also hints throughout the seasons she’s developmentally behind in both language, telling time etc (neglect like El’s irl can cause an intellectual disability-analysis on El/that subject here).The real pethurst in pensylvannia (not the one in stranger things/ Curly county)  closed in 1986-  it was a facility for people and mostly  kids with intellectual disabilities (it wasn’t technically a psych facility like the one in st)-but it was infamous for it’s abuse of these intellectually disabled patients kept there. We also have Brenner be a ab*sive psychiatrist.

- Hopper after suffering from the loss of his daughter. Is popping pills like candy, drinking and smoking constantly. He later says he used to hallucinate and forgot what was real -seeing and hearing sarah and says if he didn’t confront the pain he’d “fall down a black hole he couldn’t get out of.” NO... subtext here about what the void represents nope.

- Both mothers (Terry & Joyce) are dismissed as being mentally ill and simply grieving the loss of their kids . But both end up being right about the supernatural.

- “Terry pretends Jane is real. i mean it’s all make believe. you know the doctors all say it’s a coping mechanism.”

- While with Joyce the whole town pre s1 already questioned her mental health. Jonathan says “She used to have anxiety problems (pre s1).” And Jonathan, Hopper, and Lonnie all assume she’s hallucinating: talking to Will via lights, seeing a man without a face, saying Will’s body is fake -due to grief. Plus Lonnie mentions the fact Joyce’s aunt Darlene also used to hallucinate as a possible reason  (terry’s aunt also had mental health issues mentioned in s2 by Becky). Lonnie even says everything Joyce is seeing  is “all in her head.”  Hopper and Jon both say she needs to sleep and accept reality and Lonnie says she needs to see a “shrink”.  Hopper “i’m not saying that you’re crazy”. Joyce : “no, you are.” Joyce also says to Lonnie “Stop looking at me like that... like everyone else like i’m out of my damn mind.” Hopper also says about Joyce she’s “on the edge”. Callahan says in response , “she’s been on the edge for a while now” (referring to her mental health- even before Will’s dissappearance)”. While Lonnie says Jonathan is “feeding into her hallucinations ... you’re going to push her right over the edge.” In s2 Hopper says “ I think everyone is on edge- you, me, Will most of all. (when talking about Will’s ptsd/trauma)” 

- in s1 They claim Will just “fell” over the edge of the quarry’s cliff. Later the only other queer coded character (Mike) jumps off the quarry cliff (where Will’s body was found) cause the homophobic troy forced him too jump. Troy even says earlier dead-Will is “flying with all the other fairies all happy and gay” (to Mike). And Troy says to Hopper El made Mike “fly” after jumping off the cliff. Friendship saved him from jumping off the edge metaphorically ( and he’ll prob eventually be happy and gay too).

s2/3

-Will is seeing a therapist . And we are told he has ptsd and will experience the anniversary effect, personality changes,nightmares, having episodes, etc. And things “will get worse before they get better”.  Mike also asks if what Will is seeing is “real or like the doctors say all in your head?” And Will continues to see hallucinations of the mf/upsidedown that only he can see initially.

-Hopper also agrees with owens mentioning how he knew guys with ptsd . joyce : “it’s not like he’s describing a nightmare. He talks about them like they’re real.” Hopper: “Yeah, because they’re not nightmares they’re flashbacks.I think he’s right about trauma.I think everyone is on edge (bringing that s1 ref back), Me you, Will, most of all.Nothing’s gonna go back to the way that it was. But it’ll get better.In time.”

-Nancy suffers from survivor’s guilt and drunkingly says she killed Barb. Jonathan says like Nancy he has “a weight that you that carry all the time . i feel it too.” (cough depression). He also says he tries to be there for Will but says about Will “he’s not the same. maybe things can’t go back to the way they were. (mirroring Hopper’s words earlier that season)”

-Jonathan said in s1 Joyce had “anxiety issues” than Nancy says in s3 “you really are your mother’s son... you worry too much.” Then we see him look worried after the comment.

- in s2, Axel & a scientist both call El and Will “schizos” because of their powers. In s3 mrs driscoll isn’t believed about the supernatural cause she’s schizophrenic-but like Joyce/Terry was right.

- Kali saves a woman named Dottie (a british slang term for crazy)  from a mental hospital and then compares herself and El to dottie. saying her non-powered gang is “Like us ...outsiders... society discarded them.”  In graphitti we even see the title “obedlam” a british poem about discarding the mentally ill and leaving them homeless.  El before this sees a mentally ill man screaming “we’re all dead!” Kali’s friend says to El, after this encounter they were “dead all of us” until kali “saved them here” (points to head) “and here” (points to heart). Pointing to the theme of love and friendship helping those with such issues. Similar to the cliff analogy.

-The cycle of ab*se. Max in s2 says she’s afraid of becoming like Billy (her ab*ser). We see Billy mimic his ab*ser neil and inflict pain on max. In s3 we see the roots of his behavior are linked to mimicking Neil- Neil in a flashback says  about baseball “what are you scared?”  “ did i raise a p*ssy for a son”. So young Billy later in a fight says to a boy “ what are you scared to fight me? fight me p*ssy. (as he beats the boy)” Deflecting his anger of his father on to someone else. In s3, We see as a kid he used to say to Neil “don’t hurt her” (his mom)-specifically after  Neil backhand slaps her -but we later see possessed Billy backhand slap Max (just like neil).  The resentment to his mother leaving - festered into how he views women and max negatively . And his attraction to mrs wheeler prob is linked to him subconsciously missing his mother. Max in s2 even says  he can’t take it out on her mother so he does so to her instead (we even have Billy hallucinate hurting mrs wheeler).We see in s2 the cycle of abuse is there- Billy mimics Neil, and then Max mimics Billy. Billy harrasses Max and yells “SAY IT!” (mimicking Neil).  Max like Billy later  yells “SAY IT” and uses a bat /violence to stand up for herself against Billy- which earlier she said she was trying to combat … explaining she can be angry like Billy sometimes but she never wants to be like him (her nickname symbolizing this: aka ‘mad max’).  Billy’s last dying words were an apology to Max- for becoming her neil. And we hopefully will see Max break this cycle.

- Will says his now memories (that he describes like dreams) are “growing “, “spreading “,and “killing”. While Kali says they need to face their father and (as Brenner) says El has to confront her “wound” or else it’ll “grow”, “spread” and “eventually it’ll kill her.” Kali says she used to be like El . She used to bottle her pain away and it “spread.” But she then says  “I confronted my pain and I finally began to heal (from those wounds).” We also see with jonathan and nancy when describing “shared trauma” zoom in onto the scars on their hands. The wound heeled into a scar so to speak.

S2 & 3 ENDINGS

both have Hopper do a speech that delves into dealing with trauma/depression but still finding good along the way.

-s2 Hopper outside the snowball: “how are you holding up? Yeah, that feeling never goes away. It is true what they say, you know. Everyday it does get easier.”

-s3 Hopper monolouge : “ Feelings jesus. For so long, i’d forgotten what those even were. I’ve been stuck in one place,in a cave you might say , a deep dark cave (cough s2 supernatural cave). For the first time in a long time, i started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. Life... yeah sometimes it’s painful .sometimes it’s sad, and sometimes it’s suprising... happy.. And when life hurts you, because it will .remember the hurt . The hurt is good. It means you’re out of that cave.”

BUT YES- St has nothing to do with mental health/trauma, we’re just “crazy” and “projecting”. It’s not like some of ya’ll  act pompous when you just have a bias and get pissy at the idea of relating to characters you “other” as “crazy” or “damaged” irl or anything (so attack people for pointing it out). Or (benefit of the doubt) you are just like.... oblivious... or just a kid who doesn’t know better XD

[heybeybey]

Did I ask you the peaceful rivetra cabin one honey with a slice of nsfw ?? ( if I did already ignore this 😭)

Not yet! @himebee-5 And I'm glad you requested this! Anyway, you know how long my HC posts are so the actual cabin headcanon comes in halfway through (this is 1,454 words wtf) haha

This is 3 full cups of honey, a dash of dramatic angst in the beginning and two teaspoons of NSFW btw.

Hope you'll enjoy!!

Rivetra Cabin +++ (you’ll understand what the + is later on) Canonverse AU

Petra lived through the 57th failed expedition but both her and Levi were permanently injured. Petra came out with a spinal injury and while the doctors did say that she's going to make a partial recovery, her mobility won't be the same as before. 

Levi, on the other hand, lost his left leg. Both have no choice but to retire from the Survey Corps.

I want to add a dash of drama so in this Canonverse AU, the Military Police are forcing Levi to go back to the Underground. 

His temporary citizenship above ground is revoked since he's not going to be a Scout anymore and he wasn't able to fulfill the required service years needed to become a permanent resident (this is something that I just came up with lol)

Erwin tried to pull some strings but even he can't do much since the Survey Corps' reputation is tarnished at this point (same as what happened in the show). The MP tried multiple times to escort Levi out the Survey Corps HQ but Erwin and Hange always finds an excuse to delay it a bit (ex: wrapping things up regarding his dead squad, recovering for a month or two until he can be escorted back etc.)

Petra, stressed and panicking over the fact that her captain will be dragged back to the Underground, frantically begs Levi to run away with her.

Note that they don't have a relationship (yet) and Levi was surprised at her suggestion since Petra lives a decent life as a citizen born in Wall Rose. 

He refuses and said that he can run away by himself if needed but Petra argues that now that he's disabled, he needs someone who will support him.

Our girl got bolder since she knows that they're not really Captain and Subordinate anymore.

She was persistent and a day before they know the MPs will come knocking again, he gives in and they made a run for it.

Erwin and Hange def. arranged a few things for them and Erwin even expedited their last salary

They jumped from one cheap apartment to another just to escape the MPs and finally found a cabin they can afford on a slightly rundown village somewhere north and towards the edge of Wall Rose

It wasn't the best village to live but definitely still better than the Underground (or in jail, in Petra's case since technically she just helped a criminal escape)

Few years passed (let's say their universe had a happy ending that Isayama won't probably give us 😭) and the MP gave up on Levi's case.

Petra and Levi live a quiet life together :3 Both of them needs some support when walking so they do have a crutch (for Levi) and a wheelchair (sometimes for Petra) on hand.

Levi used his last salary and savings to open a small tea shop in the village while they used Petra's for their monthly expenses during the first year. The tea shop eventually was able to support them once it started picking up.

Levi thought he'd hate not being able to serve in the Scouts but was surprised that he did prefer this domestic bliss instead.

He usually prepares the tea while Petra serves the customers in their tea shop.

They'd support each other in cleaning the cabin til it's spotless.

Petra buys groceries every week while Levi focuses more on cooking and laundry for the both of them.

It wasn't easy living together at first since we all know how Levi is and since they're really equals now, Petra doesn't hesitate in speaking her mind anymore. They'd sometimes clash but Levi is the one who often approaches her to apologize and make up.

They both hear news about what's happening and Erwin and Hange sometimes visit them (I want a happy ending for this so Daddy Sasageyo and Hange are both alive ok)

They didn't immediately jump one another btw. They both know that there are already feelings between them but Levi's too emotionally constipated to explore it, much less make it official.

It happened 2 years into living together. Levi was watching Petra sweep the floor and just abruptly said that they should get married.

Petra dropped the broom in shock and her face was absolutely comical. While she and Levi did have a few romantic moments here and there (small but unofficial dates, cheek and forehead kisses given subconsciously), they never talked about an actual relationship.

Levi said that they're already living together anyway and wasn't her dad upset that she's living with a man but not married to said man?

He also remembers the time when they were still in the Scouts and he and his squad were talking about what it might be like to be married since Eld just announced his engagement (rip ☹️)

His only contribution to that conversation btw is "no" when asked if he wanted to get married lol 

Anyway, he remembered how Petra said that she once dreamed about getting married someday and having a happy family. However, at that time, her dream of dedicating her life to the Scouts was more important than settling down and she doesn't plan to retire for many many years.

They were both silent after that and Levi started feeling embarrassed. He tried to take it back, saying that of course, he understands that she doesn't want to since he is in his mid-30s and she'd probably find a better, able-bodied, younger man in the village instead.

Before he even finishes his apology, Petra said yes :3 (Girl has been fantasizing about this for years, of course she'll say yes haha)

They did a shotgun wedding that same evening and Levi started trying to find ways to romance her. It's all awkward at best and downright embarrassing attempts every single time but Petra wouldn't want it any other way.

Petra, being a romantic at heart, wanted a wedding dance and Levi, being a sap, gave in. They had their own wedding dance of sorts in their cabin the best they could with their conditions.

When they got the cabin, they shared one room but have separate beds. The next day after they got married, Levi found Petra pushing the bed together and she said they're married now and he usually climbs on her bed at the middle of the night whenever he has nightmares anyway.

The first ones to know about their shotgun marriage is Petra's father, Erwin and Hange. Hange dragged Erwin to their cabin the very next day after they received the letter.

Mr. Ral wasn't happy at first that Levi didn't ask for his permission (Petra scolded her father for being too old-fashioned) but he eventually told Levi that he approves as long as he's making Petra happy.

Erwin and Hange brought wedding gifts that can help them with their cabin (new cleaning materials, something for their fireplace and since Hange can be crazy, she also brought baby materials. Most are storybooks and onesies haha)

They weren’t planning on having kids but then Levi started reading the children storybooks that Hange brought and Petra noticed that he’d sometimes get this look in his face

We all know Levi would make a great father!!!!

She asked him to stop using protection one night and after three months of trying, Petra did end up pregnant :3

Now for the spicy HCs 💦

Levi wanted to make sure he does everything the right way for her so yes, they do have a wedding night. It was awkward the first time around but Levi has superb stamina 😏  so they did a few rounds and he got the hang of it the second time around.

After the third round, Petra was begging him if they can go to sleep instead. Levi teased her since she accidentally revealed that she's been fantasizing about fucking her captain for years. Now she's giving up?

Okay, that challenged her and they did one last round lol

Turns out Levi being a clean freak doesn't end with brooms, rags and mops! He's also great with aftercare. 

Since Petra didn't have the energy to shower any longer (also taking into consideration her spine's condition), Levi cleaned her afterwards while she just lay there smiling stupidly in contentment.

Sometimes, aftercare ends in more sex though since Levi can't help himself and he starts teasing her again.

...Petra got dicked down on every furniture in their cabin btw. Their favorite is the wooden living room table because it’s in front of the fireplace. 

[funny-house]

What do you think happens during the aggressive sequence when opal’s mom was singing her song?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I have technically answered this before!! but since it was always always always attached to another post or rushed and summarized blah!! I will make this post

The Official

Opal Wine Mom Flashback Analysis  tw: spousal abuse, drug use, etc 

ok

insert that Always Sunny meme of the disheveled guy at the cork board cause we are going in---

First things first!! Flat answer, then explanation so the answer is: The mom was having memory flashbacks to events within the house, one if not all of them, depicting her being physically abused by her husband, mirror man! A lot of people find that shocking to hear at first, but let me explain I got a lotta proof !!!

Let’s start from literally the tippy top The sequence starts by zooming into the mom’s eye. This represents that whatever is taking place in this flashy sequence is all about her, what she’s been through, and what she’s seen. It’s her perspective. That, combined with how it seems to paralyze her while she’s going through it and her eyes roll to the back of her head until it ends, implies it’s something she’s trying to force away or doesn’t want to think about!

So frame by frame analysis, this is film theory now!!  first mental image: A windowpane at night that resembles jail bars. ( maybe the one seen on the bottom floor of the house in outside shots? ) A parallel to Claire’s window and a symbol for her feeling of being trapped-- something she brings up multiple times in her dialogue. She’s stuck here. She doesn’t want to be here but something is holding her by force and she feels helpless to escape it.  

Next scene! Hard cut to rapidly trying to call on the phone. They type 9-1-1. The music starts to fade into screaming.  Next scene! The mother’s head is in the far corner and the window is seen behind her, a reminder that she feels trapped, as she is literally seen being slapped in the back of the head by a hand. Next scene! A shot of their bedroom(whatever room she’s in!) door as her face melts across the screen Next scene! The mother screaming in a way that flaps her mouth in crazy waves and reveals her teeth and gums exactly like how Claire yells near the end Next scene! She’s shown laying down with pills dancing over her head. Next scene! her face melting below a distortion of multiple shots of her room’s door  Next scene! A whole bunch of stuff in rapid fire!! An array of eyeballs and slapping palms and her face distorting and pills and something being thrown and shattering overlayed on her face and then a zoom out from the prison bar-like windows and more screaming bleh Starting to form a picture here, right? Somebody has been very badly abusing this chic. Bad enough that she’s called the police... probably for a domestic dispute, I bet. You can even see a very nasty wound/bruise on her head, just like she’s depicted being most often hit in her flashback!! On the face!!

And in higher quality than this little picture i resize so it doesn’t take up the screen lol, you can pretty clearly see reddening and discoloring-- that’s not just another dent in her weird shaped head, she’s been hit! No other character has visible wounds on their design like that, not even Claire. So why do I assume it’s Mirror Man?  Well first, this world exists on a little set yknow they make a point of zooming out and showing as much, all their world is that house and that billboard. If someone not in that house was damaging her, they’d have to establish their existence or this would be.... a weird artistic choice tbh? The visual equivalent of randomly changing the subject lmao So it’s gotta be the dad or the grandpa heck-- it might be both, but I think it’s more likely the grandpa is a passively unpleasant company to her. He’s probably very mean and unstable- like he is to Claire, and-- honestly, for reasons i mentioned in a different post-- probably not even her grandpa but someone she was saddled with--  BUT he’s not the person in power. It’s just not likely she’d be afraid for her life enough to call the police on a badly disabled grandpa who can barely move without falling. Above all? He couldn’t be the one holding her hostage in a loveless marriage. 

LET’S jump to the very very start of the short! Every character has a montage of items that represent their problems as people. Mirror Man is obsessed with self image and is shown frustratedly throwing a tissue at a fashion magazine of a ridiculously exaggerated man’s face, the grandpa is shown putting out a cigarette but he’s missing his cigarette holder and just dabbing it on a TV program list, which is reckless and dangerous and shows a little disdain for TV itself. The mom? She knocks her wine..... onto a romance novel. A novel Jack Stauber deliberately drew the cover of himself about loving a serial killer that depicts another exaggeratedly idealized hot dude... strangling a woman whose smiling and dying in his arms. A toxic relationship, I imagine! Looks like someone!!! is having!!    relationship problems, maybe So let’s listen to how the mom describes the problem to her daughter “ It’s a virtuous cycle ” “ And they never repent how I want them to ” “ Our adversaries are in denial ” So it sounds like to me...... not only is she prone to being too forgiving of a certain someone, and that’s why she stays in a horrible situation in a horrible relationship... but that certain someone both gives insincere apologies... and denies that their actions are severe enough to be criticized.

Sound familiar? Maybe it sounds like the insincere apology of a certain mirror loving duderino who insulted his daughter’s ankles and promptly excused himself for having a brain that likes fixing mistakes without ever taking back what he said? And then promptly said this habit of his was uhhhh

“ That’s just a part of my journey, yknow? I’m like a tiny growing thing.” “ Everybody’s so mad at me, like, i’m growing though-- why be so negative? Why do people look at me-- like you probably are right now?” Feign innocence, empty promises to improve, reflect all attempts to convey that you’ve hurt someone? All without even being asked about it, btw lmao? It sounds like someone has something they should be apologizing for...   ( You’ll also notice all the 3 adults have a way of talking as if speaking in general terms-- like they’re talking about everybody in the whole world or to an audience rather than to... a little girl they have a personal relationship with-- but i think that’s just expressing how disconnected and self interested they are. You kinda have to read between the lines to get what they’re saying. )

ANYWAYS this is all my take on it, at least ! Hope it made sense!! If... any of you actually read all this junk lmao

[tyrantlavellan]

OC INTERVIEW FT. Mahanon aka “Tyrant” Lavellan

Since it’s DA day, or was, dusting off my old Inquisitor with this interview, Pre Trespasser Inquisition. Thanks @eazlby for the tag <33. I tag @lindsmorr​ @fleshwerks​ @halla-hunts-the-wolf​ and anyone else who wants to do it!

[ WEALTH ]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty 

“Well, being the Inquisitor has its perks. The Chantry can’t wait to rid me of my self declared title, their pockets are a lot less deep when they are obligated to fund all my endeavors. They weren’t too thrilled to see my statements at the end of the year.”   

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged 

“I’m a pretty modest guy, after all I’m no Ironbull, but I’ve got it where it counts.”

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / lower / transient / slave / unsure 

“I run an infinitely funded institution that rivals the Qun, what else would I be? Next question....”

✔︎ Education: higher education / secondary education / primary education / other / none 

“So I can’t read, who gives a fuck? My clan was just a bunch of mud squatters, what do you expect?. As for right now, I have Josie to do that boring stuff for me.”

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / classified 

“Apparently blowing up an Orlesian Lord’s estate with that qunari powder stuff as an experiment is “illegal”...”

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children: has a child or children / has no biological children / wants children / has adopted children 

 “Couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased 

“My clan tragically passed away about 8 months ago...guess I took too long to respond to their letter. Oh well.”

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable 

 “Okay if you have to know so bad, my life in Clan Lavellan sucked and everyone hated me because I was considered a burden after both my parents died. I left because they didn’t want me around anymore. So you can see why I may have took my sweet time replying to their begging for help...”

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

“What can I say, everyone wants a piece of me, one way or another...”

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

“Josie is a doll, she takes care of the boring paper stuff and I decide when her family can pay off all those debts...”

♦ closed-minded / open-minded / in between

“Anything or anyone associated with Dalish, any kind of magic or Solas can kindly go fuck themselves.”

♦ calm / anxious / in between

“No, why would I be anxious for...I sleep with a knife under my pillow because it’s just a precaution...”

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

Depend on who’s trying to talk to me. Cullen? Forget it. Guy is the worst thing since Blackwall’s trial in Orlais. Now that bard boy that’s been singing to the courtiers recently, I’ve been meaning to ask him a few questions...wonder what else he’s good at...” 

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

“I can afford a degree of recklessness, especially when no one will fuck with the guy with the glowing green hand.”

♦ patient / impatient / in between

“I get things when I ask for them. People know what happens when I don’t...”

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

“I say what’s on my mind, can’t help it.”

♦ leader / follower / in between

“You either follow me and do what I say or you might not live to do otherwise.”

♦ empathetic / unempathetic / in between

“What?? I didn’t kill my clan, I was going to help them...wait what was the question?”

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

“It depends on my mood...” 

♦ traditional / modern / in between

“Yeah I have vallaslin on my face, but I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I wear it ironically...”

♦ cultured / uncultured  / in between

“I like Orlais. They have nice stuff, and I’d rather attend a million Orlesian banquets than ever set foot in another Dalish camp. I’m above the wilderness life now.”  

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

“I’m loyal to myself, and that’s all I need for now.”

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

“Can’t cheat if you’ve never been tied down, now can you.”

[SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / other

“I’ve been with women, but prefer men, if I’m being honest.” 

♡ Romantic Orientation: heteroromantic / homoromantic / biromantic / aromantic / panromantic / other

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naïve and clueless / uninterested

"Yeah I have a high drive for sex, I like kinky stuff sometimes. Was that maybe too much information?” 

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naïve and/or inexperienced 

“I don’t have time to settle down, and frankly I can’t see anyone willing to travel so far and so often either. People like stability, and I just can’t offer that to anyone...”

“Who...the bard? Pfft, he comes on my quests for entertainment and morale purposes only...so what if he sleeps exclusively in my tent...”

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naïve / inexperienced / curious

“I’m not that shy when it comes to that kind of stuff, not much you can do when your only privacy is the cloth walls of a tent. If people hear shit that’s not my fault...”

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / nonbinary / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / nonbinary / none / all

[ABILITIES]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy skills: Excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[HABITS]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess 

 “Orlesians like to party. They also like to invite me.”

☁ Smoking: trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess 

"Nope”

✿ Other Narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess 

"I don’t understand the question...”  

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never /sometimes/ frequently / to excess 

“Depends on the level of injury, but I’ve never had to undergo anything crazy.””

☻ Indulgent Food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess 

“What? Who doesn’t want a giant dragon skeleton hanging from the throne room ceiling? And yes, the giant Qunari bed was a necessity...”

♣ Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess 

“I only do it if i’m sure I will win.”

[monstrous-femme]

C + Student

Written for @mcuthere for the prompt:  Maybe Paxton asks Devi to help him study for a test in their shared history class and Paxton opens up to Devi about his insecurity of people assuming he’s dumb

Read it here or on ao3.

The halls are full of noise. Football players shoving each other and landing in lockers, couples talking slightly louder than normal people ever talked (what, did they think they were on reality TV or something? There’s no hidden cameras,) and most of all, the noise that stomped its way through his brain the harder he tried not to think about the crumpled essay at the bottom of his bag.

 not good enough not good enough not good enough not good enough not

 and it’s almost midterms and last time he tried to take a test his mind had frozen up, his hands had sweat through the page like they never did before a swim meet, did teachers mark down for sweat marks on the paper, did they notice his lips moving as he read the questions to himself over and over

 Paxton Hall-Yoshida needs a fucking miracle, which was why he’s forcing himself to move, down the racket of the hallway, (and really, did high schoolers need to be this loud?), wondering if there was any good way to tell a girl you were mad at that she was your only hope if you didn’t want to retake sophomore history a third time.

 “Hey,” he says when he reaches her. His voice is so quiet that he doesn’t know if she can hear him over the din.

 But Devi, of course, looks up. She smiles hesitantly. “Hey! I’m so glad you’re talking to me. I thought you were mad at me. For lying. About us, having—”

 Paxton really, really does want to go over this all again. “I’ve thought of a way you can make it up to me.”

 “Oh?”

 He’s not trying to take advantage. He knows she has a crush on him, but he also knows that she’s brave, the kind of whirlpool of a girl who can proposition a boy for sex or talk to a coyote like it’s her dad. And he knows she’s loyal, and loves the people in her life, but most of all, what Paxton knows about Devi Vishwakumar is that when they turned in that project a few weeks ago, he and Trent had gotten by with B minuses and a suspicious glance from Mr. Shapiro. Devi had gotten an A and a little note from their teacher saying they knew she’d done most of the work.

 (He hadn’t meant to peek. He just couldn’t imagine Devi Vishwakumar getting a B minus.)

 “I need your help studying for our history midterm.”

 A favor that would have made any of his other friends laugh in his face, and here she is, beaming at him like he just brought her a dozen fucking roses, and he knows she idolizes him, but he really needs to pass this class.

 “I’ll meet you at your house after school,” she promises. “We won’t stop studying until you’re perfect to go. A+. I promise.”

 Paxton tries to smile, but the pounding in his head is getting worse. “I’ll give you a ride,” he offers. “I’m skipping practice to study. We can go right after school.”

 “Even better.”

 *

 The words in this textbook are too tiny and the section on Japanese internment uses misleading language to imply that it was voluntary. It wasn’t. Paxton might not be great at school, but he always listens when his grandpa talks to him, so he knows about his time in Manzanar, which the textbook misspells as Mazanar.

 “So, if you write down three important things from every page, it’ll help your brain anchor itself so you can remember more of what’s on here. Sort of like a mind map. Detail one and detail two will help you remember what connects them. That way you don’t have to write down every single thing.”

 Paxton nods, only half listening. The D- in his backpack is still weighing on him, and he doesn’t see how writing down three details from each page will do him any good when he wrote down every detail for the last test and still only scraped by with a C.

 “Paxton?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Are you listening?”

 “Not really, sorry, I just hate this stuff.” He tries to pass it off with a shrug, but he’s not sure it looks casual. Makes sense. He’s not feeling very casual right now.

 “What stuff?”

 “Tests.”

 “Why?”

 Paxton sighs. “I don’t know. I freeze up, and then I read the questions wrong, and I can hear everyone else writing while I’m still trying to understand what the hell I’m looking at.”

 Devi’s nose scrunches up like it does when she’s confused. “Do you want to be good at school?”

 “Um, yeah?”

 “Why?”

 “Why wouldn’t I? You know, my mom has a PHD in philosophy and my dad writes these crazy, like, sci-fi stories that I don’t understand at all.”

 “But you don’t have to be smart. You’re hot and popular.”

 He groans. “Devi, don’t do that.”

 “What? What am I doing?”

 “That thing where you refuse to notice that I’m a person because I have qualities that you specifically are interested in.”

 “Everyone’s interested in being hot and popular.”

 “Is that why you told the whole school you were having sex with me?”

 “Technically I just told them when we were going to have sex and didn’t tell them it didn’t happen. Anyway, you said that this would be a way I could make it up to you.”

 Paxton looks at her levelly. “But is that why you told them?”

 Devi hesitates. “Because you’re hot and popular?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Maybe.”

 “That’s what I thought.”

 She looks down for a moment, and this isn’t what he wanted, he wasn’t trying to dampen her spark, he’s just sick of everybody needing him for all the wrong things. All he wants to do is get into a pool and swim until his calves burn. Swimming makes sense. Taking care of his friends makes sense. Being popular makes enough sense, because there are rules to follow.

 But none of the rules should involve making someone as vibrant as Devi Vishwakumar look this sad.

 “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

 Devi shakes her head. “No. I’m just thinking about—something my dad taught me. He said he wasn’t good at tests either, so he taught me all these tricks—maybe that’s what you need.”

 “What kind of tricks?”

 She stretches out her legs, shoving the textbooks off to the side. “Have you ever read through a test and realized that one question has the answer for another one in it?”

 “Um, no.”

 “Well, it happens. And Mr. Shapiro is the kind of teacher who does that a lot, so you could start by reading through the whole test at the beginning and see what clues he gives you. And my dad had this whole thing about gum—he said if you chew gum while you study and chew the same gum while you take the test, it’ll help you do better.”

 “I don’t think Mr. Shapiro will let me have gum in class.”

 “He has to if you have a learning disability. Do you think you might be dyslexic? It’d be easy to find out and that might be why you have trouble reading quickly.”

 Paxton nods. “Okay,” he said. “Tell me more of these tricks. Maybe this’ll actually help.”

 He listens as well as he can, but his mind keeps drifting to Devi’s smile. He’s never heard her talk about her dad, except after the coyote attack. Her eyes grow soft, even as she’s explaining to him about how to phrase an answer to hide the parts you don’t know. She talks for a good forty-five minutes, and he doesn’t interrupt. Maybe he’ll get through a test for once, and maybe he won’t, but either way, he’ll be glad he got to see her like this.

 “Do you think that’ll help?” she asks finally.

 Paxton shakes himself back to reality. “Honestly? I don’t know. But if it works for Devi Vishwakumar, I’ll give it a try.”

 “So do you forgive me for telling everyone—you know?” Her fingers twitch nervously in her lap.

 “I do. Honestly, I might even owe you one at this point.”

 “I take Venmo and Cashapp.”

 Paxton laughes, and then, for the first time he can remember, Paxton Hall-Yoshida does something that isn’t in the rulebook.

 “How about this?” he says, and leans in.

 The kiss burns through him, the way Devi’s energy burns through everything. Paxton’s stomach drops like he’s thirteen fucking years old and being kissed for the first time. Only Devi’s lips are much softer, even as she moves in closer to bite his lower lip, and Devi’s hands are firmer, fingers gliding into his hair and holding him in place. He forgets to breath, but his hands have moved to her waist, and now he’s the one pulling her closer.

 And then, it’s over. And it’s just a moment. He could walk it back, like he’s done before with girls at parties who want more than he can give.

 “There,” he says. “Now you can tell the whole school you’ve kissed Paxton Hall-Yoshida, and you won’t be lying.”

 Devi’s mouth sharpens. “I’m not going to do that.”

 “Why not?”

 “Because,” she says, and there’s that fierceness of hers, that same energy she’d had when she propositioned him that first time he noticed her, the same energy she won battles with in the classroom. “You were right. I need to treat you like a person. Especially if I want this to happen again.”

 Paxton’s face feels warm. “Do you want it to happen again?”

 “If you do. If you can—I don’t know, trust me or whatever.”

 He nods. “I’ll, um, let you know.”

 Devi kisses him on the cheek, then gathers her textbook and notes into her backpack. “Knock ‘em dead tomorrow.”

 “What?”

 “The test?”

 “Right. Yeah, of course.” Paxton stands to get the door for her. “Thanks again.”

 “Any time.”

 It sounds like she means it.

 The next week, Paxton’s test comes back with a C plus.

 He couldn’t be happier about it.