#as much as you can know about a secondary character without getting her pov

[yennas-stuff]

Me to Elain when ppl say we still know nothing about her and that she's a blank slate

[bluedalahorse]

This is a Sara and August Appreciation Post (Favorite Non-Wilmon Overall Ship)

A post written for YRFavesFest2024, graciously hosted by @youngroyals-events. This is in response to prompt #6.

They’re so awkward. I love them.

If I learned anything from the historical example of Vasa, it’s that some ships are destined to sink. But lo, they sink so majestically that you must cherish them and build an entire museum dedicated to their cultural significance.

Such are my feelings for Sara and August. They have been my two very favorite characters in Young Royals from day one, and also they are in love? They’re both so deeply flawed, with so much chemistry, and they’re both so very lonely, that you can see why they’re drawn to one another like magnets.

Truly, I could honor saraugust in any number of ways, but I realized looking back that they were above all extremely fun to write about. So in this post, I’ve put together snippets from fics I’ve written about Sara and August, both finished/published and unfinished/unpublished, that showcase all the fun I’ve had with their dynamic over the years.

I’m going to put the fic snippets below a cut, as this post will be as long as Malte is tall. Also, as a heads up, there will be some excerpts that trend a bit naughty, but never anything explicit. Enjoy!

Terrain Boundaries Territory was the first fic I wrote for them in summer of 2021. I went into a two-week fugue state and forgot to do anything else while I worked out the story.

In TBT, Sara decides she’s going to get revenge on August for how he treated Simon. She decides she’s going to do that by dating him, finding out all his secrets, and ruining him somehow. Of course, as Sara and August get closer and more entangled, things get more complicated between them.

I used this fic to discover characterizations for Sara and August, mostly, and figured out what made them tick. It really helped me to bond with them as characters. I feel like my Simon is reasonably characterized, but the other secondary characters need… a lot of work. At this point the show was new, I was lurking, and I couldn’t even keep the character names straight. It showed.

I wrote TBT right when I got into verse novels, so it’s in verse. I also decided I was going to write Sara’s POV as a second person narrator, to put the reader uncomfortably close to what she’s thinking and feeling. These things are fun to play with in an MFA program, but they’re a bit risky for fanfiction, where a lot of fans prefer familiar tropes and writing styles. I still love that this fic reignited my passion for writing fanfiction in general.

Also there’s a Fleabag reference that no reader has found yet. Beat you to the punch, Lisa.

An excerpt:

There is a floorboard in the hallway where August’s step hesitates, a door on his left like a gap between fangs. In the evening, now sober, you return without him— stand in the threshold of the door and sniff each layer of dust, catalogue the shrouded furniture, the landscapes painted in storms of oils, the one tall harp, out of tune. Footsteps, doubling back. His shadow touches your shoulders and, This is where we found my Pappa dead. Like he didn’t mean to say it out loud. Did he know he was being too honest? You know what that’s like.

Next excerpt comes from an unfinished, August-POV sequel to Terrain Boundaries Territory I was writing in Fall and Winter of 2021. After TBT, I was asking myself: well, how did August manage to fall in love with Sara? I could feel, instinctively, that he was going to fall in love with her, whenever season 2 of YR came around. I just wanted to work out what it would look like. I started to play with the idea that maybe he dates her to deflect any suspicion about the video, but starts to soften toward her as he realizes they have a lot of loneliness and grief in common.

In this scene, Sara’s just had a meltdown during a clash between Marieberg and Hillerska students. Sara and August are just starting to date publicly, and everyone has thoughts, including Sara’s old bullies. They’re nasty to her, and Rosh (who happens to be both Present and Intimidating) tells them off. Sara runs away, and August goes to find her.

They talk:

“So you have some friends at Marieberg.” “They’re Simon’s friends. They only like me because of Simon.” Oh. Shit. If August were a good boyfriend (which, he isn’t) and this were a real relationship (it’s not, they just need one another for appearances) he’d tell Sara I like you because of you. Maybe also I’ll always put you first. They’ve only been official for a short while, but guys have whispered bolder lies into a new girlfriend’s hair. That’s sort of how relationships work, isn’t it? Always moving too fast and lying. August wants to say that because Sara’s brushed aside the graveyard dirt that covers up an old memory: his first parents’ weekend, back when he was a gangly kid with no muscle definition and no idea how to dress himself, when he told his mamma people only like me because Erik makes them. That put a shocked expression on Mamma’s face. Then she forgot just ten minutes later, when she told August she was seeing people again. Three years and becoming prefect should have dulled August’s memories of that weekend, but now unearthed, the memories only make the present feel fake. Sara’s closed in on herself—head bowed, eyes on the ground, now ungloved hands clutching at her elbows. Inside Sara must feel cold, raw, bruised, inert. Like forgotten meat at the back of a freezer. It’s not fair that she should feel that. Not when she’s smart and detail-oriented and secretly daring. Not when she’s the sort of girl who becomes a social media heroine for rescuing cats. August is too scared of saying I like you, even as he’s counting all the reasons people should like Sara. So instead he asks, “Do you want me to hold you?” Sara nods. August follows the advice of football scarf girl and hugs Sara tight. She doesn’t tense up—it’s the first time he’s felt her relax, actually. That he’s noticed. If he’s going to pull off this fake boyfriend thing, maybe he should notice more. “You asked,” says Sara. “You’ve never asked before.” Talking into his coat, she adds, “I need somewhere to rest.” “I told you, you can always use my room.” “Somewhere to actually rest.” “I know. I understand. Come on.” He takes her hand and leads her back to the dorms.

Next, in early 2022, @heliza24 and I began publishing Heart and Homeland, our ensemble regency AU. I think to this day, we’re one of the few true ensemble fics in YR fandom that gives all five main characters roughly equal POV time, but I could be wrong about that. I intend to finish the epilogue chapters in 2025.

Anyway, I felt like I had a solid grasp on Sara and August at this point, and also I love period dramas. Do you know how exciting it was for me to write them in a troubled gothic romance situation? Sara’s the governess for Felice’s younger sisters, and August is attending Hillerska with Simon and Wilhelm while also being engaged to Felice. Felice breaks off her engagement to August though, and then after a Series Of Dramatic Events, Sara and August run off together.

The first twentysome chapters of the fic were written before season 2, and I think I did a reasonably good job predicting Sara and August’s dynamic. Also, they hooked up in a moving carriage, so I may have predicted a Bridgerton season as well, oops. Anyway, here’s a scene from the morning after that hookup, and if you’ve read far enough into the story, you know this will have tragic resonance later on:

Sara tugged the dressing gown tighter around her shoulders. August sat beside her on the bed, careful not to upset his mug. An aroma from Sara’s childhood filled the air, and she remembered how Pappa, in his better moods, used to let her grind coffee beans when he came back from his voyages. Preparing coffee for Pappa and Mamma helped Sara to feel useful, even though she had not been allowed to drink it herself. “That’s coffee, isn’t it?” Sara asked. The smell never bothered her the way it did Simon, after Pappa was arrested for smuggling it. “It is,” said August. “Her Majesty’s ban doesn’t really apply here with us. It is really only for the general public’s benefit, to help them moderate their vices.” Vices. Sara felt she had not indulged hers enough. “May I have some coffee?” “You may.” August handed Sara the mug, and Sara drank as he drawled on. “Speaking of Her Majesty, she is in good health, although of course it distressed her to learn of last night’s events. I am glad I was the one to bring her the news and reassure her of His Highness’s well-being. One needs the support of family at such dire times.” He was showing off now, speaking breezily about his connections to the monarchy, as if Sara herself hadn’t danced with the prince earlier. “Her Majesty has already implied that I should stay in town for the coming days so that I can assist Wille as he returns to the palace. I will be back and forth between here and there. You must promise not to fret too much when I’m out.” “I am capable of occupying myself, and you are quite committed to serving the realm. We will manage a few hours apart,” said Sara. A moment later she realized that he probably wanted her to say something else. Felice had explained once that boys sometimes expressed such sentiments so that girls could reassure them of their devotion. “Of course in practice, I am sure I will miss you, and that you will miss me.” Things were moving fast. Sara took a final long sip of coffee before handing the mug back to August. “Here you are.” August looked down into the mug. “You drank all of it.” “You will have to bring me more, then.” Sara smiled.

Now that we’ve had Sara and August in the historical past, let’s move on to some fic where they find one another again in the future! While I am very satisfied with their breakup at the end of season 3, and think it’s what was right for them, I sometimes imagine a possible future where they can try again and things work out for them. Why? Because I like seeing them kiss. It’s really not that deep.

Here’s something unfinished I wrote after season 3, where the Swedish people are about to vote on a referendum about whether or not they want to end the monarchy. August (who has been through a lot of character development and worked to make things up with Simon) just assumes everyone is going to vote to end the monarchy, so he’s doing everything he can to make sure the transition goes smoothly and that they can give the monarchy a good “funeral” and such. Meanwhile, Sara is working a toxic nonprofit job that takes advantage of her passion to make the world a better place. And wouldn’t you know it? They’re crossing paths:

August nods and exits out through the double doors, and just like that, Sara becomes a royal guest. Perhaps one of the last royal guests ever, if last week’s polling data means anything. She hopes no one will interview her for a documentary about it in the future. There’s a farcical moment two minutes afterward where August sticks his head back in and says he’s forgotten his sunscreen, and Sara hands him the bottle before he goes out again. It’s a brand she’s never seen before—something ridiculously expensive and high SPF. Fragrance free, too. Sara can’t help watching through the windows as August rubs the sunscreen onto the back of his neck and onto his exposed forearms. Can’t help wondering if she’d have rubbed it in for him, admonishing him like you know you burn so easily, if they’d had their summer weekends in Bjärstad during his military service like he’d wanted. Still, Sara hadn’t wanted it, then, and that thought should be enough to push herself back into fifteen minute stretches of newsletter edits and donor emails. Sara reminds herself of her bosses’ talking points: that PuzzleChildrens’ oldest donors appreciate the paper copies of the newsletter they receive each month, that the personal stories of lost children remind them where their money is going, that Sara is doing so well at communicating with people and that she shouldn’t worry too much about creating a perfect product, only one that reaches people’s hearts. She opens up a colleague’s story about a pitiable single mother in Luleå called Maja, whose eleven-year-old daughter Saga has been “stolen” by a serious disease. The colleague is older and touchy, so Sara phrases all her line edits delicately. What she really wants to type is: Don’t call meltdowns “tantrums.” Of course Saga has empathy, she loves her dog and she probably feels that very deeply. And for fuck’s sake arm flapping isn’t a “babyish gesture.” But no. She can’t respond like that. Not with the amount of money these newsletters raise, not when her older colleagues don’t know things, and she was the one hired to educate them. Sara thinks that maybe, the cotton of her sundress would be better if it were rougher. If she could run the nail of her index finger across her hip and it would hurt just enough to remind her how to communicate with people at work so they don’t think she’s a freak. Eventually Sara’s phone buzzes with an incoming text, pulling her out of her thoughts. Do you want something to drink? It’s from August. Sara looks up, and he’s still outdoors on the balcony. He glances in Sara’s direction and offers her a stiff—but not unfriendly—wave. The glass between them is impossibly clean, probably scrubbed this morning by the staff at Solliden. Sara texts back. I don’t want to trouble you too much. Are you having something? Seltzer. There’s a local brand that just launched, they do one with an elderflower and pear infusion. August makes a face at his phone (Sara’s still watching him, it’s that twisting expression his mouth sometimes makes when he’s embarrassed himself, like he’s gotten an unexpected taste of sour candy) and types a follow up. It’s less pretentious than it sounds. You can have what you want though. We’re well-stocked here. Seltzer sounds good, Sara responds. I’ll have that, thanks.

Do I have other future scenarios? Yes. One of them involves Sara and August on a road trip back to Sweden (they can’t do air travel because of a volcanic explosion in Iceland) so they can get to Wilhelm and Simon’s engagement party in time. This is a future set after August leaves the monarchy behind, but hasn’t explained to anyone why and it’s a bit of an incident. Sara is working a shitty nonprofit job in this story idea, too, since the road trip idea was sort of a 2.0 iteration of what you see above.

Anyway, when I think about them as adults, I enjoy letting them be a little bit kinky. Mostly because they both seem to have intense sensory needs and would also like figuring out the power exchanges, and also because you can have a scenario where Sara’s tried more kinks than August has, and it reverses the experience dynamic they have as teenagers. Like this:

Sara presses the brush bristles down onto August’s open palm. It’s only a little bit of extra pressure, spread out over multiple prickling points, but it sends a current up his arm and through his chest. August draws in a sharp breath. He and Sara meet eyes. They’re studying one another now, like they’ve both been hit by the realization that it’s been over ten years and they’ve tried other things with other partners. “So.” Sara smiles out of one corner of her mouth. “You like a little bit of pain?” “Maybe,” says August. “I mean, life at the palace was pretty conservative, so I didn’t get to explore much—” “Please.” Sara is the one laughing now, and there’s a mixture of affection and disdain in it that makes something in August’s stomach curl. “Royals get away with doing all kinds of kinky shit.” “Not me,” says August. “I was working all the time.” His face flushes as he realizes how embarrassing it sounds—Sara’s giving him an are you kidding me look—but there’s also something hot about it at the same time. About wanting to squirm under her gaze. “We could try something tonight,” says Sara. “if you want.” “We promised ourselves we wouldn’t.” “We said we wouldn’t touch each other. And we won’t. I’m only going to touch you with the brush. Do you want me to explain?”

Sara domming is fantastic, but I also kind of imagine saraugust as a couple with with swtichy vibes. Which is why in L’escarpolette, twentysomething Sara has a surreal sex dream about getting tied up on a swing while she’s wearing her Valentine’s ball clothes:

August kneels, and that’s when Sara knows she has him where she wants him. Or, he has her where he wants her. Whichever is the truth. August reaches for Sara’s foot—the one that hasn’t lost its ballet flat—and his eyes meet Sara’s as he slides the shoe off and sets it aside. He bends down further to kiss her ankle. A current of electricity travels up Sara’s leg. The sensation leaves Sara twitching and ticklish. August seizes the hem of her skirts and lifts. Out of the corner of Sara’s eye she glimpses the firelight down at the bottom of the hill, where the mysterious eighteenth century party frolics on. Perhaps sparks of that light glint in people’s eyes or in the lenses of their opera glasses as they swivel their gaze toward the hill… Sara’s balance falters. She tips backward. “Wait wait wait.” August lets go of Sara’s skirts and claps his hands back around her waist, steadying her before she can hit the ground. “I want to make sure you don’t fall.” He’s so earnest, and Sara still feels ticklish. She giggles, and August joins her, and for a moment they are consumed by the giddiness that comes with carrying out an odd and daring experiment in the night. But how to avoid falling? Sara follows the line of the swing’s ropes upward. Oh. Those flowering vines hanging down from the tree branches. They’re waving ever so slightly in the breeze, as if they’re trying to get her attention in secret. In her waking life, Sara sometimes imagines what it would be like to tie up a lover. Or what it would be like to ask a lover to tie her up. She’s never felt like she could ask anyone. Maybe here…

To finish off this post, let’s talk canon divergences. I once had a commenter on one of my fics say that they saw Sara and August as a case of Right Person, Wrong Timing. I can get behind this idea myself, and it’s always made me wonder what their relationship would be like when they met earlier, when August is raw from grief in his first year at Hillerska, and Sara is still experiencing bullying in public school. I’ve started a fic along those lines, and I’m hoping to finish it soon for events in January or February.

Looks like Sara and August are going to have to escape a situation together:

The boy in the closet with her is pale and slim. He twitches and groans softly. Something pinches inside Sara’s chest. Sympathy? He looks as trapped here as she is, and Sara wants to trust him. Just so she isn’t alone. She crawls over to the boy and kneels at his side. She keeps a house key in her palm just in case. His eyes flutter open halfway. “You’re awake,” Sara says. “Fuck.” He blinks. “You’re… Sara?” “Yes,” she says. It’s a relief to hear someone say her name aloud, even though he’s a stranger. “Did you hit your head when you fell?” Haltingly, the boy pushes himself up to a sitting position. “I’m… not sure.” “You should check.” He’s quite tall, Sara notices. And he’s sitting still, not checking his head like she told him to. Sara can’t tell from looking at him if he has any lumps on his head; he has thick, dark curls that hide that. She’d have to run her fingers through his hair if she was going to help him check. Will she have to? The boy hasn’t moved yet. It’s like he’s in a daze.  Sara’s fingers twitch. She’s impatient. Before she can raise her hands and look the boy over, to make sure that he’s safe, he finally shakes himself alert and moves his hands to his hair. “No lumps,” the boy says. “So I’m alright.” His eyes land on Sara. “Are you…” Sara replies with the truth. “They locked me in here for hours. We need to get out.”

Anyway. Do you see how much these two fuel me? Do you see The Vision? More fic to come on a tumblr near you!

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

Have you got any WLW books where at least one major character is transfem? Because I've been looking for some time and not really finding any.

Ah, my white whale. I have also been looking for good wlw books featuring transfem characters, and I have found a few, but only a few, and I can't recommend any of them without caveats.

Dreadnought is a YA book about a closeted teenage trans girl whose body is transformed when she inherits the power of the greatest superhero to ever live. This book's prose, pacing, and character work are very solid, and it's worldbuilding was competent, if not particularly original for a book about a world full of people with superpowers, but I found it an agonizing read because so much of the book is spent watching this young girl who is so, so happy to have a thing that she always thought was impossible get beaten down over and over again by individual and systemic transphobia. It rang true, but maybe too true. I empathized too much with the protagonist to really enjoy myself.

The Book of Flora is the last of a trilogy set after an apocalyptic disease nearly wiped out human race. Crucially, however, the disease killed (and continues to kill) about ten times more women than men. The book is framed as a memoir being written by an older trans woman reflecting on her life as she waits for an army to arrive and destroy her home. I found her narrative compelling and her character dense and multifaceted, with an experience of transness that rang very true. Fair warning, though, that one of the central themes of the series is the commodification of women, and sexual assault is an everpresent element. Flora is also only a pov character in the final book, though she is a major character in the second.

Then there is The Final Strife, which has the dubious honor of being the only queernorm book I can think of to include a trans character in a way that is not unbearably clumsy. The fantasy setting was solid and interesting, the main plot fairly compelling and the main paring decently written. Our trans character, however, is not part of the main pairing. She is instead the third POV character, and she is more of the most important secondary character than a main character in her own right. Also, as a direct consequence of the book being queer norm, I found that her experience of transness was shallowly explored, if I'm being generous, and erased if I'm not. (Feel free to ask me about my beef with queer norm fiction sometime if you're curious)

I normally never do this, but as those are the only three out of over a hundred wlw books that I've read that fit your very simple criteria and that I would recommend, I'll also throw out Light From Uncommon Stars. I did not finish that book - i just could not get invested in it - but it does feature a transfem POV character and I have no gripe against the book beyond that it didn't capture me.

I really hope that helps, and I invite anyone who knows of a wlw book with a transfem main character that I missed to add it in the comments.

[juniperhillpatient]

How’s it going @juniperhillpatient ?

I just read chapter VII of “The devil You Know”. The chapter was a roller coster and the story is really heating up. Poor Yue…

Was it truly a mere accident that Sokka’s coffin laid on top of Yue’s and Fy Lee”. He is very suspiciously close to many deaths. Toph was killed soon after she found out he and Suki were implicated in (I think it was Chan’s?) death. Speaking of Suki, it’s quite interesting when she protested how her phone wasn’t working, only for Azula to notice that it suddenly began to work again when it came time for Yue’s video to appear. Yue of course being an idvidyal that Suki has a grudge against. Via Sokka. Speaking of Yue, her POV this chapter was a gut punch. As was Katara’s in the beginning.

Also Jets’s POV drew several points about Ty Lee from his perspective. That she was smarter than she initially appeared. And that she six identical sisters. In appearance and voice.

What if Ty Lee hadn’t died at all. What if merely faked her death (by sacrificing one of her sisters) and engineered the call to Azula. Blaming Zuko for something he hadn’t actually done. From Jet’s PoV we know that Ty Lee’s parents wouldn’t actually notice if one of their daughters disappeared. Which may make it easy for Ty Lee to fake her death and switch with one of her sisters. If indeed she is one of the killers. I could just be reading into something that is’t there after all.

One of the killers expressed heartbreak over Azula. And we know that something happened between her and Ty Lee. Maybe enough to push Ty Lee into being a killer? Their’s also Mai, who may have been acting the fool this whole time. Her anger at Azula is readily apparent. My distrust of the two stems from canon. Though their actions are understandable I’ve got a thing about people betraying their friends. So their deeds at the Boiling Rock still leave a bad tastes in my mouth. Minus saving Zuko/Sokka/Suki’s lives of course.

So I like Suki and Sokka for Ghostface. With Mai coming in as a secondary suspicion. And If my theory about Ty Lee faking her death is right, she immediately jumps to #I suspect

In the end scene, where Katara is perving on Azula. Is Azula blacking out like in the first chapter? In which Zuko is taking of Azula in that moment?

And a message for Azula. “Tell your girlfriend important shit! Your brother being accused (supposedly at least) in being a killer definitely qualifies. Also don’t cheat on her”. That’s a bit fucked up. Unless you blacked out for it. Which makes Zuko’s action monumentally more fucked up. But then, every character in this story is a bit screwed in the head. But then, that’s one (though by no means the only) of the reasons we love all the ATLA main crew (Gaang+Dangerous ladies+Yue).

Also, I’m pretty sure Kiyi is Hakoda’s and Ursa’s bastard child. Does Sokka suspect which married women that Hakoda slept with (Ursa?). He’s been a big brother figure to her thus far, so maybe. Out of all the characters, I’m hoping Kiyi lives. Even more so than Azula or Katara (I know, It me saying that!). Also hopeful she doesn’t end up as one of the killers…

I enjoyed the chapter, and am greatly looking forward to next! I want to see this mystery unraveled!

Bestie I wish you could like.....watch my face journey as I read through your speculations because I had a BALL reading this!

I seriously LOVE all the theorizing & I feel like I'm interacting less than usual with readers when it comes to this story because I'm always just like -

"love the theories :))))" but also I literally CANNOT respond with anything to theories without giving away if you're close or way off LMAO

But just know. I feel so validated in putting as much thought as I do into this story (trust me it's a lot lol) & I just get SO excited about seeing the different possibilities when I get messages such as this. Just - AHH !! :)

As for Kiyi - I can go ahead & confirm that she is indeed Ursa & Hakoda's child. I don't consider this a spoiler given it is pretty much confirmed in the latest update. More on how much Sokka knows about this very soon!

Anyway - THANK YOU. Whenever I see notifications from you I get so happy because you are so thoughtful & insightful & so supportive <3

[okamirayne]

*a wild friend just phases into existence before you*

SO! 14 chapters into this masterpiece - I was surprised at my reading speed but then I remembered I once read 14 books in 7 days so I'm actually dallying right now - and can I just say I love how you connected the different groups into the same coherent narrative

Like, how you go from the kids to Kakashi and Genma to Ibiki and so on, it's very dynamic. I hate switching povs usually cuz they tend to slow shit down but you manage to keep everything feeling smooth and fluent. Quite the feat

Also, I adore the dynamic between Neji and Tenten. She deserves so much more than canon gave her and I get the vague feeling you agree xD

I'm also still very intrigued with how you write DID. Media portrayal tends to be very monotone if not malicious, you go for a very nuanced and appropriately unsettling portrayal that feels very respectful. Like, yeah it's terrifying, not because it immediately makes someone do evil shit (Criminal Minds!) but because changes in the mental landscape of a person are really fucking scary.

I'd also like to say you deserve a reward for managing the fucking 180 in the ShikaNeji dynamic compared to BtB without making it redundant. Lots of writers fall into the same patterns over and over until it becomes stale, you absolutely do not belong in that group

Uuuuuum, yeah that's it for now. I won't talk about That Man because I don't want to think about him *sniffs disdainfully* what a turd

So back to it I hop!

*the wild friend just drops onto the floor and keeps reading*

Dammit, Wild Friend...you're getting my Dastardly Twins emotional...

I'm so damned chuffed by this amazing feedback you're generously taking the time out to leave me...Thank You.

Also, I adore the dynamic between Neji and Tenten. She deserves so much more than canon gave her and I get the vague feeling you agree xD

Oh absolutely. I'd have loved to explore her more. I know Kishimoto's focus was predominantly on the male characters (understandably, I suppose, given the genre), which is why the women are interesting to flesh out. Especially secondary characters. I mean don't get me wrong, a deep-dive into Sakura would also be interesting. I touched on it a bit in HHU, but it's too easy to go down character rabbit holes. Must. Contain. Myself.

I'm also still very intrigued with how you write DID.

Thank you, Wild Friend. I hope it was respectfully written within the bounds of creative licence and storytelling. I had to do my homework surrounding this condition for an OC. No research is wasted.

I'd also like to say you deserve a reward for managing the fucking 180 in the ShikaNeji dynamic compared to BtB without making it redundant. Lots of writers fall into the same patterns over and over until it becomes stale, you absolutely do not belong in that group

I'm super happy you think so, Luv. Fortunately their own personal arcs help a lot with that...until of course....THE UNSPEAKABLE CANON HAPPENING...

[thenotebookwizard]

Messengers of Illbeor

Fellow fantasy fanatics, I beseech thee!

No, really. Go read this book. I've linked it. Up on Amazon. On KU, for those of you who use it, but only about three bucks otherwise. Full disclosure, my friend wrote it. I edited it. Because honesty is the best policy.

But this is Ye Olde Hellsite, and what's a bit of shilling for your friends between mutuals (and anyone else I can get to read this book.)

Because really, y'all, I want everyone who loves fantasy, thinks they might like fantasy, or who hasn't liked fantasy in the past to go read this book.

I have known the writer a long time. She's an amazing lady, a great friend, and she has good ideas. (Those are easy to come by, but she gets more than most of us.)

You can't say any fantasy world is really 'unique,' because the elements that make fantasy into fantasy are pretty standard, right? Right! But TJ has put her own spin on this, and it's fun - it's about as unique as a western fantasy world gets, and in all the right ways. Her world is very synergistic, very lively, and full of different cultures and attitudes and ways of looking at the world. While 'culture clash' isn't probably a theme she's told me about (maybe she did? this has been years in the making), it's there. The worldbuilding is top notch, and the world is full and rich - something a lot of debut fantasy writers don't hit on.

Most of all, I love the characters. We follow two, for the most part - Alanda and Tostig - both messengers, helping keep Illbeor connected and communicating. Alanda is one of the best representations of a character with a disability I've read in a long time. As an albino, she burns easy, but works an outdoors job. The plot starts because she has to deal with being albino, and it never gets ignored or set to the side. But seeing how she overcomes it, how people help her - and how it doesn't stop her from being a strong person without it being disability porn.

Tostig's adventure is very much standard fantasy, but well-written and well-crafted. He's a great character who has to deal with an immense amount in a short time, and his voice is strong, clear, and shows a very masculine character written without being an asshole or a moron.

The plot is focused. Laser focused - the pace moves fast, and takes you on a tour of a corner of Illbeor. Beautiful places, scary places, desolate places, romantic places; it's all there. But that focused plot that carries our characters doesn't keep us from diving down some fun side trails and meeting characters.

Now this, my friends, is where I think this book rocks the world: secondary characters who aren't at all secondary, but pivotal. From mysterious wanderers who know more than they should to shamans with life debts and frustratingly vague visions to gay Elves who are gifted songs by magic, speak in musical whistles, and who flow through the world with ageless grace and a bit of racist politics.

No one is perfect in Illbeor, but no one is truly evil.

Okay. Except maybe him. Altonier. One of the more compelling 'mysterious villains' I've read in awhile (and I read a lot, y'all). You want your sexy anime villain tropes? Got 'em. Want a tragic backstory? Got it! Want twisted manipulations, gaslighting, underhanded scheming, and a completely unreliable villain POV? Check.

Altonier is the best kind of bad guy to love and the easiest villain to wonder if you shouldn't be rooting for.

Of course, the ending has revealed secrets, higher stakes, and a sequel in the works.

But please. Also. Support your indie writers who craft amazing tales. Support your indie writers who are bringing you stories trad pub won't touch with a ten foot pole.

Because diverse stories matter - we all know that. It's a theme of the fiction and fanfic fanatics of Ye Olde Hellsite. Been here awhile, and we've never stopped talking about. And this?

This is how we get them.

[utilitycaster]

Can you talk more about why you like 2nd person POV?

How do you read it without arguing with the author about what happens? Like, "Even though you don't kniw him, you smile at him." Excuse me, author, I've never smiled at a stranger in my life. I know there's supposed to be suspension of disbelief, but when the author uses 2nd person, isn't the whole conceit that they're telling me what I did?

Well, because, and this might seem like a wild stretch, I'm capable of distinguishing fiction from reality and I understand that the author is not speaking to me, M Utilitycaster, M.Sc., first of her name; but to a role that I as the reader shall assume for the duration of this book. It's no different from the fact that I know, for example, that Middle Earth isn't real, but Lord of the Rings is presented as a history, and Quenya is presented as a real language from that world, and that's part of the conceit. Like yeah, there is supposed to be suspension of disbelief; so why should I stop suspending my disbelief just because it's not asking me to imagine the map and the history of the world are different than they are in reality, but rather that I am different?

Also you are on anon and I don't know how you came upon this post but if you follow this blog for its primary focus...how is this any different than making a D&D character and the DM saying "you come upon a broken bridge that looks over a deep canyon, shrouded in mist. It is gray and rainy"?

Major spoilers for two series I love dearly (Locked Tomb, The Broken Earth) and would hate to spoil for others below a cut since those have really good illustrative examples, but in summary: much as the choice to use first person should be about viewing a story from a particular perspective; second person should be about who is telling the story, and who their audience is. It can definitely be poorly executed, as can anything, but good use of the second person is supposed to make the reader perhaps feel a little on edge or disoriented. [also: if you've read one of these books but not the other feel free to ask me for the one you don't mind me spoiling].

If you don't want to get spoiled but do want an example, I mentioned Bright Lights, Big City, which I'm happy to spoil because it came out in like the mid-80s. Anyway the "you" of that story is a young, professional, and fairly privileged man going on a full 1980s bender (there is a lot of cocaine involved), and it's revealed that it's because his wife recently left him, and then it's revealed that his mother died a year ago and he hasn't really grappled with it and his relationship was mostly at his mother's behest. It's someone going through a lot of turmoil and taking a lot of drugs and the "you" of it makes it feel very alone and somewhat distant, almost as if he is watching himself do all of this without feeling it. It's a very deliberate choice and it would not be as notable a book without it.

So for the examples in question:

The Locked Tomb's second book, Harrow the Ninth, is in second person. This is ultimately revealed as the story having been told by Gideon, protagonist of the previous book, whose soul is alive within Harrow and partitioned away [long story, not the point]. It serves a secondary purpose of creating this somewhat dissociative feeling for Harrow (since the reader knows 'you' refers to Harrow), who is experiencing physical illness, unreality, and hallucinations throughout the story: "you" are Harrow, but Harrow doesn't really feel like "I" right now.

In the Broken Earth trilogy, there are sections in second person throughout; there are a few different timelines and character POVs that converge and one is consistently in second person. It is revealed at the very end that the story is being told to the newly awoken reincarnation [kind of, anyway...long story, not the point] of the character who is referred to as "you" in the novels, by someone who knew her in her previous life, who is trying to remind her of who she was. It's also a fairly intense series of novels and I do find that "you" puts the reader into the action in a visceral way that "I" or 3rd person would not.

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Why Harry is your favorite character? He's my favorite too but I feel like the Fandom doesn't appreciate him enough or even talks about him. Like I know the books are from Harry's pov and all ( we are basically him inside the story) of course people usually don't pic themselves as someone favorite etc but he's not appreciated. Do you think if Harry wasn't the main character he would be more loved?

I've already posted some stuff about this that I'm going to link.

Here I was asked which HP character was my favorite, and I said Harry explaining why I think he's a great main character and also saying that I relate to him.

In this post, I listed the main reasons why I relate to him.

As for your last question, it's a tough one but let's try to find an answer.

If Harry wasn't the main character would he be more loved?

If your question was "Do people not pick Harry as their favorite character just because he is the main character?" then my answer is that probably someone does but it's also impossible to evaluate a hypothetical scenery where he is not the main character without changing the amount of information we have on him.

A lot of the things that I love about Harry are things that I know because we have his point of view, an insight into his feelings and thoughts. I can guess people would enjoy his one-liners even more if he were a secondary character because they would be even more dominant in the perception of his personality but we would lose a lot of context around his actions and struggles.

[I'm assuming that with "main character" you meant the person who gives us their point of view on the story. Otherwise, I wouldn't know how to answer the question "if the story were to be different would people like Harry more?"]

But let's see what are our reasonable options for another point of view.

Ginny's pov

Ginny is the only other character in the series who would make any sense to have as the one who gives us their pov, if you want that character to also be the hero of the story [if you have doubts on this statement look at this].

In a story from her point of view, I don't see how Harry wouldn't be a very beloved love interest, she has a deep understanding of his emotions and actions. So maybe he would be more loved? He may not be everybody's favorite character but he is not hated so it's not like his level of likeability would change that much.

Ron's or Hermione's pov

If you took the Conan Doyle route, using Hermione's or Ron's pov, I'm afraid you'd just be worsening the situation. They don't have a great understanding of Harry's emotions. Harry has a personality that if you don't get can be really difficult to like. Just imagine OotP. Ron is conflict-avoidant with him and Hermione literally cries when Harry gets angry. Also, Ron's pov would have some jealousy involved that, being Ron's pov, wouldn't make Harry look his best. And then in Hermione's one, there would be some pity towards him and Harry's recklessness would look on the verge of idiocy I'm afraid. There's also the fact that Harry and Hermione's relationship has a tendency to be one-sided. Hermione puts a lot more effort than him into it. Imagine reading it from Hermione's pov.

Of course, they are his best friends and they love him. I'm not saying he would be hated but his perception would absolutely not improve.

Final answer

I think Harry is good where he is. I don't think another pov would suddenly manage to make him the most beloved character on earth. I will always find it a bit absurd how he's not the most liked character in his own series but he's still a very loved one.

[fantasyforbeginners]

hello! this is probably a question you've already answered before, but do you have any tips on how to introduce a fantasy world with new races, magic systems, and countries etc, without just infodumping in the first chapter?

in a story i'm working on, there are two races of characters who are very different from humans and don't appear in like. folklore or anything (ie they're completely made up), but since i don't want to infodump i end up sort of talking about them like the reader should already know who/what they are, and that's really confusing i think. i'm just not sure where i should put my information, there never really seems like a right time but i know it needs to be somewhere

any help is really appreciated, sorry if you've already received a question like this !

So this is something where character voice and distinctiveness is going to be your way out. A lot of this depends on your POV character(s) and how much they would notice about any given person and/or creature. If your POV character for some of these introduction scenes does not belong to either race, they can be an effective conduit for info dumping in a way that doesn't feel egregarious.

I'm assuming you're working on secondary (i.e. set in an entirely different fantasy world and everyone is from that same world) > portal or hidden world fantasy, so this advice is catered slightly accordingly.

However, the concept of an audience conduit is true for all of these. In portal or hidden world fantasy, this is the Ordinary / Secretly Special Kid who Discovers a Thing or Falls through some Portal and needs to get everything explained to them as a result of having literally no or very little context.

In secondary fantasy, this is often a character who's more naive or a little less worldly (think the Hobbits in LOTR) who although they inhabit this world, haven't seen too much of it first hand. ATLA also handles this very cleverly, as Aang educates Katara and Sokka about all the places they haven't been, and they can educate him about how the world has generally changed in the 100 years since he's been gone / about the war.

What I mean in terms of character voice is something like this:

In another life, the meadow would have awoken under her touch, with unfurled petals, blooming blades of grass, and warmth. But Ally just prodded the lifeless husk of grass with the frosted rim of her boot. She’d hoped the walk and crisp wintry air would clear her head after a restless night, but to no avail. She’d been off—well, more off-kilter all week. Why was it that the more important it was to sleep well, the harder it was to do?

(Fun fact, this is the first paragraph of my WIP).

Immediately we know there's a subverted expectation, a sense of loss of power (and what those powers may be), that my protagonist is worried about something, and that we're in a world that generally experiences a snowy form of winter. A lot of this is conveyed through subtext, but there's also plenty of tell. The next 10 pages are about establishing her Ordinary (extraordinary) life, her outsider perspective, and establishing the immediate and some of the possible future stakes these hold for her.

Again, what do we have to know in order to understand an immediate, personal issue, even for something vast and sprawling, in order to get us invested? Could be a relationship, could be a character, could be something to prove - but always best to start small and specific > broad and wordy.

As my first piece of formal advice, if I had to take a guess, is that likely you're trying to establish too many stakes too in-depth at once. It may be worth stepping back and thinking "What is the most important information that has to be there, and everything else is set dressing?" For myself, this meant establishing my protagonist's broken chosen one cycle and her personal stakes. The other sets of powers, the broader world (including whole countries), the long and complicated history of the lore... all didn't matter. Or at least, doesn't matter yet.

Ask yourself: What are the personal stakes for your POV character in the first 10 pages, and figure out what worldbuilding has to be included from there? Are they a merchant, a scientist, a knight? An outsider? And then you go from there, for every ten pages onwards. Figuring out what to add later for a bit more cohesiveness or foreshadowing can be a second draft thing, and it is okay for your reader to marinate in implications or not entirely answered questions for a little, too.

Additionally, if you're worried about tossing too many names and titles, you can generalize. We don't have to know the names of every country; if say, there's an issue with one in the north or south, you can say "The northern provinces are starting to complain," and that gives us details without giving us cumbersome details (at least this early on).

If your POV character, or one of them, belongs to one of the new species, there will still be variations (or not, which is very notable) between themselves and others within their race that they can notice. For example, is the POV's characters pointed ears smaller than others'? Are the horns or assortment of limbs different or uniform across the species in contrast to other features, like hair or skin or eyes, that might differ further?

For example, I have three different types of elves in my world, but they all look slightly different from each other and have different attitudes regarding their ears / whether ears can be pierced, should be covered by hair, etc. Little things like that that a character from any of the three types would draw attention to.

Of course, that can only really be done once details concerning that distinctiveness. And again, it's okay to give more general descriptions at first and go into more detail later. Quality > quantity. Some parts of exposition really are just info-dumping (aka a paragraph on how a certain race or even building or city looks) and there's no really getting around that, but the most important thing is spacing it out. Your reader can't take it all in at once and you don't have to write it all at once.

I have offered advice on how to create a sense of distinctiveness in worldbuilding in a pretty simple way (as you seem to be working in threes already, which may work out).

I hope this helps, happy writing, and feel free to pop into my DMs or inbox with more specifics if you'd like to chat more! <3

[psychee92]

Why ACOTAR 5 Is (Without a Doubt) Elain’s Book

Warning: This post will be a long one, and will analyze the series as a whole (including ACOSF). As you read it, please consider taking your shipping goggles off, as none of this has anything to do with shipping and everything to do with character development/plot/the overall narrative of the series/good storytelling. Thank you!

Main points: 

Elain’s role in the ACOTAR series

Elain’s character evolution throughout the series

The foreshadowing in ACOSF (+ bonus POVs)

The overarching plot 

SJM’s own words

The ACOTAR Series and Elain’s Role

We have multiple interviews of SJM saying that Nesta and Elain’s role started off as a fairytale trope: that of the evil sisters. Then, Nesta surprised her when she decided to go after Feyre in ACOTAR, and the rest is history.

The sisters went from being a trope to being an instrumental part of the series. In ACOMAF, they were a link to Feyre’s human life (a final thread that she needed to let go of), as well as a means to an end (first, by being a bridge between the IC and the Queens, and then, as leverage, or weapons that were used against Feyre in Hybern). The final scene in ACOMAF was the catalyst for everything that happened in ACOWAR—and everything that is yet to come—but, most importantly, it also opened the door to two new character arcs/journeys—two new protagonists.

The protagonist exists as a sympathetic device to drive a story. To be effective in this role, they are usually there from the inciting moment to the end.

The similarities between their journey and Feyre’s are astounding: human made into something that she was raised to fear; coming to terms with trauma; letting go of the past; accepting her new condition; and the list goes on and on.

Now, who had more to lose by becoming fae?

And who lost more than anyone else?

Elain lost a future.

She was happy, content, in love.

Then, everything was ripped away from her in the span of a few minutes.

She was turned into something she had been raised to fear, something that her own fiancée had been raised to hate.

And, if that wasn’t enough, she was also forced into a bond neither her, nor Lucien, wanted. Mated to a man who participated, even if unknowingly, in the loss of her life—of her future. A man who did not know her, want her, love her.

This, right here, is good storytelling. It sets the stage for what is to come—for Elain’s future story and character arc.

ACOWAR is centered around repercussions:

For Elain, this book is one of healing, at least on the surface. SJM built the foundation of Elain’s journey, evidenced by:

Elain hitting rock bottom

Erasing any hope of a future with Graysen

Severing the last thread to her human life (with the death of her father)

This book also emphasizes Elain’s vital role in future books by:

Making her powerful (a seer)

Making her instrumental in the war against Hybern (due to her visions)

Having her save both, Nesta and Cassian (the protagonists of ACOSF)

Creating a connection between her and Vassa (and, ultimately, between Lucien, Vassa, and Jurian)

Having her introduce the next big bad (Koschei)

Hinting at her being the only one who can locate the one thing that can kill Koschei (the onyx box)

So, when you add everything that we know from ACOMAF and ACOWAR, what do we have? Potential.

We also have a character whose journey has been building since ACOTAR. The most significant hint is the constant use of the “dirty hands” imagery in reference to Elain. But more on that later.

Once the ACOTAR series wrapped up, we learned that, while Feyre and Rhysand’s journey was over, Sarah had more stories to tell—specifically, Nesta, Elain, and the ICs. As such, ACOFAS had two purposes:

To wrap up Feyre and Rhys’s story.

To introduce the future plot/main conflict and, with it, the next couple.

ACOFAS, however, also served to set up the stage for future protagonists, as well:

We saw some progress in Elain (her keeping busy with gardening and baking, her still having bad days, her friendship with Nuala and Cerridwen, and her slowly finding her place within the IC)—all of this was brought up again in ACOSF.

We got hints about Azriel and Elain’s growing feelings for each other (a storyline that was present throughout ACOSF, and confirmed in Azriel’s Bonus POV).

We learned about Azriel’s estate—Rosehall.

We got Mor’s POV, and learned some new things about her which will probably factor into her future book.

Again, SJM spent time focusing on Elain, fleshing out her character (while still giving Nesta and her journey center stage), which only solidifies the fact that she will be getting her own story soon.

It’s interesting to note that Azriel was not given a POV like Mor, and had very little character development (in comparison to Elain).

Now, let’s look at ACOSF. We have:

New conflicts—with the Queens and Beron

A new villain—Koschei

An overarching plot that connects the conflicts with the villain—the alliance between Koschei, the Queens, and Beron

A secondary, but related, plot—Vassa and, with her, the Band of Exiles (Lucien and Jurian)

Potential weapons—the Made objects

A potential solution—the onyx box

What do all of these have in common?

Elain.

She is directly tied to both, the Queens and Beron (and the Autumn Court). She’s had ties to Koschei since ACOWAR (she was the first to tell the IC about him, after getting visions about him). Her visions, in turn, led to the introduction of Vassa, which created a link between them both (and Lucien, because of their mating bond). She is the only one, apart from Nesta, who can find the Made objects (and a 4th one was introduced in ACOSF). She is also the only one, apart from Nesta, who can Make an object. Finally, she is the only one who can locate the onyx box (an image she’s been seeing since ACOWAR).

As a seer, Elain is arguably the most valuable character in the NC. She has been having visions about both, Koschei and Vassa, since ACOWAR.

Most importantly, however—her journey has been hinted at since ACOMAF:

Her role in future books having already been established, what about Elain as a character, as a protagonist? 

Let’s begin by looking at what a character arc is:

While main characters might face big challenges, character arcs have to do with internal, personal change. Characters will find their strengths and weaknesses tested over the course of the story—so that by the time they arrive at the story's end, they are a changed person.

When the protagonist overcomes external obstacles and internal flaws in order to become a better person, it becomes a hero’s journey.

At its core, this arc is made up of three points:

The Goal: Every character needs to have a goal. It might be to fall in love. Or it might be to make as much money as possible. Either way, their journey will be hindered by...

The Lie: A deeply-rooted misconception they have about themselves or the world that keeps them from reaching their true potential. In order to reach their goal, they’ll need to acknowledge and overcome the Lie, by facing…

The Truth: While the character may have their own plans, the positive change arc has its own goal: self-improvement. This is achieved when they learn to reject The Lie and embrace The Truth.

Now, let’s look at what we know about Elain:

The Goal: To defeat Koschei/the Queens/Beron.

The Lie: That she doesn’t have what it takes. That she is not as strong as her sisters. That she is the weak link, too gentle and sweet to get her “hands dirty.”

The Truth: That she is just as powerful AND capable as her sisters, and that she can do anything she puts her mind to (find the 4th object, discover the location of the onyx box, fight against Koschei/the Queens/Beron).

We already see SJM start to break down the Lie in Feysand’s Bonus Chapter:

This is followed by Feyre saying:

So not only is Elain not afraid to get her hands dirty, she’s also not afraid of getting hurt in the process.

ACOSF is filled with moments that hint at Elain becoming just as powerful (if not more so) than her sisters. She has a very important role to play in future books, because she is the only one who can locate Koschei’s box and the 4th object. Her visions have been instrumental in the series so far, and there is a big hint that she might have more than just seer abilities:

Powers. Plural.

It makes sense for Elain’s book to be next. SJM has been scattering crumbs for her story since ACOTAR, and she is the character who would add the most to the plot—the only character who can move the plot forward.

You cannot ignore all the foreshadowing:

= a literary device that writers utilize as a means to indicate or hint to readers something that is to follow or appear later in a story.

Clear foreshadowing in ACOSF (it would take too long to list all the passages in previous books, as well): 

These are just a few examples but, for me, the one that gives it away is this passage (that can easily be overlooked) in Feysand’s Bonus POV:

SJM is basically telling us that, once Nesta’s journey ends, Elain’s will begin.

And it makes sense!

This series is about the Archeron sisters. About human women turned fae.

The first three books were about Feyre. The fourth about Nesta. It would not make sense to skip Elain, only to return to her story in the final book. Why?

Because, in order to defeat Koschei, all three sisters need to have reached their full potential. All three need to be healed, and strong, and fully in control of their lives and powers. You cannot cram everything into one book: Elain’s healing journey/character arc, Vassa’s own journey (because there is no way that SJM will NOT write a Swan Lake retelling—just look at her Pinterest board!), finding the 4th object, finding the box, and, ultimatly, defeating Koschei.

Feyre had a whole book to heal—ACOMAF

Nesta had a whole book to heal—ACOSF

Elain will have a whole book to heal, as well.

No other character adds as much value—or has as much untapped potential—than Elain.

Also, there is no way that SJM will postpone telling her story in favor of a male character (Azriel). If you’ve read any of her books, you know that it is always the female characters that eclipse the male characters.

Also, if Elain will become dark or even a villain (temporarily), then this will take place in her own story, and will not be used as a plot device for angsty!Azriel or for another couple to make sense/be pushed together.

If we look at the pattern in ACOTAR, we have:

The first book ends with a happily ever after. The MC has defeated the big bad and has walked off into the sunset with her LI. There are hints about a future conflict, but nothing is fleshed out (in ACOTAR, Feyre’s bargain with Rhys + a potential conflict between the courts and with Hybern).

The second book is all about development (both, character development, in the form of the MC’s healing journey, and plot development). The scene is being set for the final conclusion (the war/battle), and everything that takes place serves to bring the characters closer to the main conflict resolution. The book ends on a false happily ever after (Feysand’s mating bond, having what they need to annul the Cauldron’s powers), followed by a cliffhanger (the sisters turning fae, Feyre returning to the Spring Court).

The last book is centered around defeating the big bad and ends on a happily ever after for (almost) everyone involved. It brings the main players together in a final showdown that ends with good ultimately defeating evil.

If we are to look at this pattern, then:

ACOSF - Ends with a happily ever after (Nesta has healed, reconnected with her sisters, found her place in the IC, and has a family outside the IC—Gwyn, Emerie). She has defeated Briallyn, but the biggest threat—Koschei—has barely made an appearance, and there is no ending in sight.

ACOTAR 5 - Elain’s healing journey. Finding the 4th object. Knowing exactly what has been happening behind the scenes with Beron, the Queens, and Koschei. Finding the 4th object and uncovering the location of Koschei’s onyx box. Cliffhanger: Koschei has been freed/has found a way to free himself.

ACOTAR 6 - The journey to find the onyx box or a way to destroy whatever is inside. The repercussions of Koschei’s freedom. Vassa’s story coming full circle. Now that all three Archeron sisters have reached their full potential, they will most likely join forces/powers to hold off Koschei long enough for Vassa (because she NEEDS to have the killing blow) to finish him off.

This post is already long enough, but here are some honorable mentions that I haven’t spoken about because I wanted this to be a mostly character-driven argument:

The mating bond—Elain needs to either accept it or reject it, and I cannot see this happening in the last book because it would lose its effect (considering that they need to defeat Koschei in this book)

Elriel—The unresolved feelings between them need to be addressed/dealt with.

The Blood Duel—There is no way this isn’t happening. SJM wouldn’t mention it without it playing some sort of role in Elain’s book.

I might make another post (because I still haven’t addressed everything I wanted to), but Elain’s book is (without a doubt) next.

As a reminder: SJM has recently said that writing about characters that are hated/disliked is something that she loves doing. I think it’s safe to assume that, given the recent wave of hatred/dislike towards Elain, we are in for an epic journey.

[twin-books]

Canon Adrien and Zoé

Oh boy... man... you just asked for so many words. I apologize in advance for everything you'll have to read. Here's hoping I don't get too distracted and go on 5 million tangents. But, firstly, thank you for the ask. <3

I have less to say about Zoé than Adrien so I'm gonna start with her.

In short terms... I have no idea what I feel about Zoé. She's... she's not really a character. Like the girl is nice and wants to be an actress. That's it...

Oh yeah, she was, I guess, bullied and has cool shoes?

Speaking of her shoes, let's just discuss the chaos that is Zoé's design. Like, what the freak? Girl has more going on than a party! Why is she so decked out compared to even Marinette??? She also looks like she would be a street artist (honestly I would be 100% down with that).

She's not ugly, by any means. She actually looks pretty decent. It just drives me insane that nothing really matches but it doesn't look bad that's just my personal design choices butting in to complain. There is some things I would just ditch all together so she stops cluttering my screen. I actually used a dress up game I have to design her an outfit I would kind of prefer (game's called Love Nikki btw. Recommend it and it's 3D version, Shining Nikki). But I just couldn't find the perfect stuff I wanted. Maybe I should try again...

These were the best I got;

The game is very detailed so it's still a tad cluttered but I tried to simplify them as best I could. Something like this would be nice but still not the ideal look I was going for. I wanted more actress like vibes, I suppose. I think I failed. XD I also think I would have done better if Zoé actually had a semblance of a character. That's basically how I design, based off the character and then I build from there. Hard to do that when there's no... character.

But the main problem with her design is she sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the other miraculous characters. She has way too much going on compared to most everyone else. The only other designs in the show that even come close to comparing to her are Aspik and Viperion and they needed a lot going on since they both have skin tight suits. (Absolute pain to draw, btw and I still find those two kind of cluttered anyway. Like add a bobble or something, stop painting textures on them. It hurts to try and draw).

I really wish they thought her design out more. Just like I really wish they thought a lot of their designs out a bit more.

Moving on to her introduction... I hated it. It was very weird to me.

For some reason, even though we have never seen or heard of this character before, the episode is mostly in Zoé's POV instead of Marinette's. It's like they expect us to just kind of know her already or she's like the new protagonist or something? That's also just completely unfair seeing as it took them 4 seasons to show the POV of their secondary lead (which sucked, btw, but we'll get to Adrien in due time) but this minor character for some reason gets it for her introduction. Nice to see we're playing favorites.

Because we suddenly get jerked out of Marinette's POV to follow this random girl's POV instead, it felt like I was watching something other than miraculous. I actually thought I was watching an entirely different show despite I knew I had clicked on a miraculous episode. I have no idea why the freak they made this choice. It was so off-putting.

To make it weirder, she feels like um... the best way I can describe it is well... You know those games you play where you start as an main character (usually an unnamed character that you can name yourself though sometimes they have a name already) who's mostly just a blank slate? Like they have a few hints of a personality but for the most part you choose who they really are?

Yeah... That's what Zoé feels like (but just... without the fun and... choices). And that could have been cool if this was actually a new show she was the main character of. But it isn't. It's still miraculous, so it's just weird.

She feels unfinished. Which really confirms what I have always thought about this character... just something thrown in last minute as a peacemaker for the writers who didn't want Chloe to be Queen Bee and the other writers who wanted Chloe to be Queen Bee. Zoé was the compromise. And it really shows. 

Oh yeah, here's an idea, ml team... Maybe show us how nice she is instead of constantly repeating it. Ground-breaking, I know. /s 

The fact that they had to repeat it so many times makes me feel like Zoé's actually secretly evil (which I would also be totally down for). And it solidifies Sole Crusher as yet another prime example of why show don't tell is a very important tool the ml team should use otherwise you get... well... that.

Oh yeah, let's talk about the message of Sole Crusher because I have issues with it. I'm sure that shocks absolutely no one.

So, I like the message I think they were trying to go for. Keyword being, think. Thing is, they screwed it up so massively that I can't be sure if that's what they were really going for. But I think the message is to never assume the worst of people based on their situations and their family relations. I think the message was to get to know someone first before judging them.

Let me just go point by point as to why this message seems unclear to me and poorly executed. I'm going to go from best to worst;

1. They already did this exact same message with Adrien in Origins. Which wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't basically the same thing. They even have the same exact relationship that initially causes people to assume the worst in them. The only difference is Zoé actually decides to play cruel to impress Chloe (for some reason), Zoé shows no real signs of being nice to the people who assumed the worst of her and never really does (beyond maybe two scenes), and it's all dialed up to 11 (for some reason). This makes Zoé feel like Adrien 2.0.

2. It makes literally no sense why Marinette is so convinced Zoé is a good, kind person. She doesn't know her. They just freaking met. There's no way she should even know Zoé was acting. 

They showed us nothing that would make this even remotely believable. Marinette hadn't even seen her do anything that good besides reaching down to help her pick up the crate of apples Marinette spilled all over the place. (Sidenote; How can Marinette confidentially carry a crate of apples? I am actually asking. I still get nervous using knives because I used to be so clumsy I would accidentally cut myself constantly. We sure this girl has low self-confidence)? That is not enough evidence to suggest "Hey, Zoé's a totally kind person".

3. Zoé still chose to be mean. "Acting" really means nothing. She still hurt people but she's played off as being the victim, as if she was forced to do that. She wasn't. Obviously, I feel bad for her but she still chose to hurt people.

Yes, she was afraid Chloe and her mother would outcast and treat her badly. I understand that. But this is an assumption which goes against the perceived message of the episode. Was it a correct assumption? Yes. But you can't have this both ways, guys. Zoé has never met Chloe before. 

Now the show acts as if Zoé has known her mother for a while so her assumptions for Audrey at least make sense but the show also states she has never met Chloe. How does she know Chloe will really be as terrible as she may act? Outward appearances can be misleading.

4. So... Marinette is our protagonist, correct? Marinette is the person we should be following and learning from, right? Cool, so if that's the case then, depending on how the episode is written, she is our example of what not to do and what to do. Hopefully we can agree on that.

So the scene where Zoé enters the bakery, and the rest of the stuff that follow it until Zoé exits, was a perfect example of what not to do with a stranger. Marinette immediately trusts this stranger based on one act of kindness and invites Zoé to a get together with her friends without even asking her friends if that's okay with them. She gives Zoé her phone number despite just meeting her and only knowing her for about 5 minutes, max. This is a great example of what not to do.

Trusting strangers with very little evidence to support them being a good person and offering them your personal information without getting to know them first is very much not a good thing to do. We all agree on that, hopefully. 

Now, here's the problem with it... The scene wasn't written in a way that discourages kids from doing this.

In fact, it shows this behavior as positive and the right thing to do. There's no repercussions for Marinette giving a stranger her phone number. Actually there's benefits and rewards for it. Now, is this a possibility that can happen? I guess, sure. But it's most definitely not worth the risk! 

Now assuming I got the correct message this episode was trying to teach, I get that the message is to not assume. I get it. We shouldn't immediately assume everyone is out to hurt us. But that should go both ways. You also shouldn't immediately assume just because someone seems nice that they are a safe person to invite into your friend group, your home, and your life.

I can't believe this made it past all those people and no one saw an issue with it! This especially upsets me as someone with two young nieces who like to watch this show! You should never ever assume a nice stranger is going to have your best interests at heart. Never. Not even if they are your same age. You should always get to know them first before inviting them over to group parties or your house and way before you even think of giving them your phone number. That's not even being unfair, that's just a healthy and safe mindset!

Now that I have complained enough about that let's move on to Zoé herself. Um... There really isn't much to say about her, is there? There's nothing interesting about her. She was actually more interesting when she was acting evil. At least then she was entertaining. It actually made me wish Chloe and her would switch roles, to be honest. (Side note: ML, I am literally begging you to stop matching siblings' names in "cute" ways in miraculous. Every miraculous character that has a sibling has their name inexplicably match up. The only ones not like that is Nino and Chris and that's only in the English dub. As a twin, this personally irks me. Please quit it).

I guess I could say that I do ship Zoé with Marinette more than I ship Marinette with Adrien so... hey, that's a plus... maybe? Ironic since, again, she is basically Adrien 2.0.

But that's all I got on Zoé. She's like... a 2 out of 10, I guess. She's not too offensive, her episode was mildly entertaining, but overall I think she contributed nothing and her episode only teaches kids to be far too trusting of strangers who happen to be nice. I find her terribly forgettable and you could easily remove both her episodes without much consequence to the plot of season 4. I am speaking as someone who still hasn't seen Queen Banana and literally didn't need to watch any of that episode to watch other episodes. All I needed to know is it introduced Vesperia who replaces Queen Bee and that Chloe was solidified to be bad to the point Adrien cut their friendship off (which isn't much of a change since it was basically nonexistent in the first place). I didn't even need to know that Vesperia was Zoé.

The only other thing I have to say about Zoé is about her last name. I had a friend come to me complaining about her last name, how it seemed kind of fishy a white girl got a Chinese last name. And that's a fair thing to be upset about but Lee is also a European last name. Since Zoé was from New York which is in North America (US) which started with an English background, it's entirely possible for her to have such a last name. I just wanted to clear that up and save the writer's some grief, maybe. ^^

With all that said... I think I need to take a rain check on Adrien as I realized I have way more to say about him and a lot of it is comparisons. I have many reasons for this but spoiler, I suppose... To me Adrien is an incomplete character and shows no signs of gaining any solidification. He's got more personality than Zoé (thank goodness) but that may not be a good thing depending on the writing.

I plan to compare Adrien to a wide variety of characters he feels like but never really seems to be any one of these types of characters. Like they just can't decide. As well as some stories from these characters that are similar to a lot of the "arcs" the show tries to do with Adrien but inevitably fails or comes up short (in my opinion) almost every time.

These may change but so far characters I am considering for this are; Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic Archie and IDW comics), Ben Tennyson (Ben 10), Kiro (Mr Love: Queen's Choice), Gavin (Mr Love: Queen's Choice), Luke Pearce (Tears of Themis), Marius von Hagan (Tears of Themis), Eugeo (Sword Art Online season 3), and Corliss (Raven Saga on Webtoons). Maybe even Thoma (Genshin Impact). Hope that gives you an inkling of the mess that Adrien feels like to me.

I'm sorry I couldn't get him done here though. I shall try to get to him soon but he's gonna take a while especially since Adrien as a character personally impacted a large portion of my life so I have a lot of feelings to sort through.

Thank you for reading all that. You're truly a trooper and thank you ever so much for the ask. I hope you're having a wonderful day, night, afternoon, evening, or whatever time it is where you are. Sorry this is so late. <3

Send Me a Miraculous Character

[spnfan-fics]

SOBRENATURAL CELEBRATION : DAY 4 : music

🦋 FRENESÍ

( Latina Mother, Latino Son )

- Characters : Dean Winchester (main), Castiel (main), Jack Kline (main), Sam Winchester (secondary), Jody Mills (secondary), Claire Novak (secondary), Mary Winchester (mention), Garth (mention), Bobby Singer (mention), John Winchester (mention).

- Focus : Latino Dean singing to his family. Jack / Dean pov.

- Tags : #Latinenatural ; #SobrenaturalCelebration ; #Destiel

- Language : English (mostly), Spanish (a few phrases).

⠀

While celebrating Castiel birthday on the bunker, Jack finds a box full of old records that used to be Mary's. Dean decides is a good night as any to tell the story of that collection— and maybe sing a song or two.

[ there's a mention of something cruel and ugly regarding the immigrants down the border, but it's nothing explicit and it's that, a quick mention. Still, here's the warning ]

( the complete version under the cut )

⠀

Jack finds them two doors down Dean's room.

They're in a box without label, sitting in an organized row turned almost completely grey from the amount of dust settling over each cover.

Jack doesn't recognizes the names, but he has lived long enough with Dean to know they must be in Spanish. Some words he gets, some names sounding like the other ones Dean mentions when he speaks about his childhood.

When he blows the dust from the covers, he notices some marks, pen ink probably. Mostly dates and– he has no idea, but there are stars.

It's only when he's back at the heart of the bunker, the box secured with both hands, that he realizes he forgot to bring the records Dean actually asked for. Not the mysterious box. No, he went to find a total different collection of oldies but goldies, something soft to listen to in the background while they celebrated Cas birthday.

When Dean finds him over Cas' shoulder, Jack slumps a little and stares down at the vinyls.

“Jack, please bring them to–”

Before Sam can end what he was going to say, Jack is carefully setting the box on the long table, retreating a couple of steps. He notices their shadows first, Sam's larger on his right, before a hand lands on his shoulder. He sees Dean closing his fingers on one of the covers, pulling it from the box.

“Daniel Santos,” Dean reads, a tug on his lips.

Jack's focus flashes quickly on Dean's expression, before turning to a gaping Sam.

“Were those... Are they...” Sam squints, blinking a little faster. He's trying to read the covers too.

“Mary's.”

The voice comes from behind. Jack moves over when Claire touches lightly his arm, letting her join them on a perfect semi-circle. The only person on the other side of the table is Cas, who pulls a chair to sit and looks up at them, face carefully arranged.

“It's her name in those, right?”

Dean grants her as much with a nod, passing the cover to Sam and pointing at the calligraphy Jack couldn't decipher. Claire extends a finger to Jack benefit, tracing on the air the shape of Mary's name in the cursive, each time ending with a few starts at the upper corner.

“Look at the date. It was...”

“Ten years before having me.” Dean's lips tug farther into his cheeks. “A gift from her mother. Not all of them, of course. For what I know, she collected them. Dad gave her a few, she bought others. I think she even worked on a few cases were they would give her the vinyls as an especial thanks, you know?”

“Dean, how is this even possible?” The cover ends up on Claire's hand, Sam shuffling through the box while Dean whispers the name of each singer or band. “I thought Dad had burned them!”

There's a pause Jack feels in his throat.

And on his shoulder, when Sam grips him tighter for a second.

What Dean feels, he doesn't say. Jack watches his smile banish, a thumb stroking the side of a water damaged cover. Dean is standing apart, gazing at the records with both longing and a spark of what could be bitterness.

While Claire doesn't talks, she leans closer to Jack, mouth moving silently to repeat the name and words Dean just told. She's been taking classes with Dean on how to speak Spanish.

Three months ago, Jody called saying she had gone alone on a work south the border. Jack stayed behind with Sam working on a werewolf case with Garth. Cas and Dean returned maybe a week after.

Claire told him about how things were over there. She described the way a nest of vampires were faking to be coyotes*¹; they promised desperate families of immigrants a way to enter the country, put them all on a truck and–

Claire started her classes that weekend. Moved her things to the bunker, stayed late at night watching reruns of movies from the Mexican gold age of cinema with Dean. Cas told him, that what they saw there– no one should be living or dying like that.

They were lucky Cas had his powers.

Jack remembers the silence of that night, when Cas and Dean arrived holding Claire. She was shaking so bad it took the whole night for her nerves to calm down.

It took Dean just a bottle to lose his.

“There were kids, Cas! There were fucking kids”

That silence was not like this one.

That silence was sharp, rage and indignation turning into resolution.

This silence is bended, a blade broken by grief and the impossibility to turn back time.

“Bobby replaced them at the last minute.”

Jack comes back to reality to the sound of Dean talking softly, running a hand on the cover now and flipping it a couple of times. When he extracts the vinyl, he frowns at the dust and shakes his head. He hands it to Cas to hold while he crosses the room and takes a kit that was hidden under the map table.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

Jody's voice rings over Sam's through the halls of the bunker. Claire pulls Jack by the sleeve, rushing him to the kitchen to help her with the cake.

He suspects it's also because Dean wouldn't want to talk about it with both on them there.

⠀>⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ <

Dean returns to the room with the cleaning kit, accepting blindly the record from Cas before spraying it whole with the bottle on his hand. He stretches the cloth over the surface of the table, pressing slightly the record to it, both sides, a couple of times.

“Would you have shut up about it, Sammy? Tell me you wouldn't have screamed it to dad's face in the middle of a shitty argument. Come on.”

John hated them; each painful reminder of his dead wife, of the culture she belonged to, of the years of laughter and compass moving feet on the floor of their not-longer-there house. Dean had ran through the waste yard, ran and ran and slammed open Bobby's door with his shoulder.

He had faked being upset so he wouldn't have to stand in front of the pyre of falsehood. Ran his fingers through the covers a million times, ordering them on the box before finally putting them behind Bobby's shoebox, closing the closet.

He found them there when he went to pick a couple of things after Bobby died. Cleaned, used, since Dean gave him permission to listen to them.

He couldn't–

He couldn't bare the thought of them wasting away over the years without someone to listen to them once in a while.

Until today, Dean had a strict regulation on when and how to listen to them.

He would only place them on the turntable when he was alone. Only danced to them when there was no one else, only sang to their melodies when he was on a good mood or at least just a sad one, not anger to be seen.

The last chance he got to do so was.......

The silence from Sam's part means he's still smarter than Dean. Ignoring the bait of a fight no one's really feeling, Sam observes how Dean cleans the record until it is shiny again. Then he tooks one from the box, takes the cloth from the table and the spray from Dean's hand and starts the process all over again.

“Would you like to listen to them?”

Dean looks up. Cas tilts his head at the distance, at the corner where the turntable sits.

“Do you–” Cas doesn't turn at him, but Dean sees the corner of his mouthy lift. Of course Cas knew what he was going to say. He's special like that. “Hey, avispa'o*². Any request for tonight?”

Sam scoffs at the Spanish bit.

“The one you're holding is a compilation.” Cas doesn't even have to actually insult him, santos*³. He's beyond it. “I'd like to listen to it.”

Dean doesn't add anything to it, neither in Spanish nor in English. Instead, he walks over to the turntable, thinking about what he's about to do.

Growing up, he knew Mary's favorite by heart. He'd often whistle them while working on the Impala or waiting on a hunt, a personal serenade he could tune into without even paying attention. He had written the names of the records on a paper before leaving Bobby's house, bought a cassette to burn the music on it and labeled with the name of a band John would never listen to. Repeated them even in his sleep, afraid his Spanish would rot and die one night, unable to stay alive when Mary was not.

Dean wouldn't stand to lose that part of himself.

Not that John ever cared.

By the time he was in high-school, Dean had swore he'd only sing those songs to his wife and kids, one day, in a house full of light and a garden. He imagined them on the shape of a stunning brunette waiting for him at night after a shift at the workshop, stubborn kids faking being asleep because they were waiting for him too.

He may not have them: the house, the wife, the kids, not even the garden.

What he does have is a kick-ass bunker with its own goddam telescope, a map table, a private library, enough rooms for a battalion, perfect water pressure and temperature, a collection of cars and bikes and a chess table no one uses.

He also has Sam, alive and well, breathing annoyance and fondness even when Dean has his back turned at him. He has Cas, staring at them from the table, patiently waiting for Dean to stop sulking, he's sure. He has Jack and Claire and Jody, if the footsteps he hears are any indication. He doesn't think the cake is ready, but then again, they'll have to wait.

When the needle touches the vinyl and it starts to spin, the gentle crack and rush of the sound floating through the air like the blankets he used to hide under when Mary was still alive...

The first notes of the guitars almost send him on his ass to the ground.

He swallows, forced and fast.

“Close your eyes, Dean. It's in your blood.”

Dean close his eyes when Los Panchos start to sing Bésame Mucho and absently, he realizes he's already moving to the rhythm of the song, his voice carrying easily the elongated syllables, even if he can't help but fail at singing perfectly in tune.

He moves and turns, not a faltering step between one beat and the other, when Dean opens his and Cas takes away his attention from the rest.

His eyes, blown wide, reflect effortlessly the lights from the lamps. They fall to Dean's steps, shy in a way Dean was not expecting. Either he's trying to commit the steps by memory to try and copy them or he's–

Fuck his life. He knows.

Dean smirks helplessly. Cas can understand every word, right. Son of a bitch has the babel course handled down, all the fucking crashing building.

And Cas knows he knows, so what?

He was lost the moment Jack came into the room with those vinyls, hands almost in reverence. Maybe not a wife– but an angel who lied siege on hell to rescue his soul (hell yes!), and two blond kids (currently working on that, he's still processing), and Jody there clapping with fresh laughter rolling down her tongue and onto the very walls of the bunker.

Dean flips Sam without looking, clearing his throat when the first violin notes of Madrigal play.

This time, he stops on the edge of the table, taking a hand to his invisible mariachi hat, resting it to his heart. And Dean sings. Louder. Clearly.

⠀

⠀Estando contigo me olvido de todo y de mí *⁴

⠀Parece que todo lo tengo teniéndote a ti

⠀Y no siento este mal que me agobia y que llevo conmigo

⠀Arruinando esta vida que tengo y no puedo vivir

⠀

⠀Eres luz que ilumina las noches en mi largo camino

⠀Y es por eso que frente al destino no quiero vivir

⠀

Claire actually gasps at the chorus, when Dean walks over to her and makes a gesture with his hand, first to her then to Jody. Mary used to do that, elegant gingers placing a phantom rose to Dean's hair, moving her head according to the lyrics to protect her eyes from the non-existing shine of his beauty turned a medal on his chest.

He sings, to Jody and Claire, softly verses that the ghost of Mary's voice carry with him. He sings to Jack and Sam, grinning now, chest so full he doesn't know if he's gonna be able to eat anything after.

And when the song changes again, he laughs at the way everyone is frozen, staring at him like he is nothing but a stranger

“It's a party,” he reminds them. “C'mere, Cas!”

Claire mutters something in Spanish that sounds suspiciously malicious, pushing Jack forward while Dean extends his hand to Cas and bows a little, pushing him up with him when Cas takes it and Dean retreats to a cleared space.

He positions Cas first and sends him a look to wait, before retreating and looking over to see Jody and Sam chuckling and gossiping in brand with every sappy romcom movie he has ever seen. Jack and Claire, on the other side of the table, are expecting his instructions, Jack looking fairly curious, totally oblivious to Claire intensity. He's not competing with her on this.

He's not. It's not a dancing competition.

“4/4 compass. Which means something like you move once with each beat, I think?”

Sam corrects him with a stupid “actually...”, gaining a frown from Cas because (Dean knows) he wanted to say it, but Sam beta him to it.

Nerds being nerds.

Dean shrugs, starting to move with Frenesí on the background. English version, perfect timing.

“Do these four steps first, okay? Go slow, watch the feet. I'll need you to relax and look pathetic because no one ever does it right at first try, or so I'd like to think. Jack, you guide, you're taller. Hand on the small of the back and– yes, Claire, exactly like that. See–”

He doesn't notice.

He blinks and misses the moment Cas takes him by the wrists, curling his fingers around Dean's as he starts to guide him.

In the back of his mind, he's danced with Cas a million times. Salsa, bachata, merengue, boleros, you name it, he has imagined how it'd feel to have Cas chest to chest, his hands on the hands of the other, legs swinging back and forth in an endless song.

Dean just knew, back then, always, that he wouldn't have to try so hard. Cas could– would– he does read his movements, stepping to the opposite direction of Dean. It's sloppy still, they are nervous, but the warm between erases any uncomfortable feelings.

Dean thinks they're taking a decision tonight (whatever that means, hell if he knows), while he guides Cas on a spin and recovers their balance, his tongue caught in the movement of almost whistling and commenting how, with a few sessions, Cas could be making a couple of girls or dudes faint at a club in the future.

Then wonders if the fucking decision just made him or if his brain went on total annihilation again.

Cas looks at him with a shy smile and without stopping —because Dean can't stop holding him, holding his breath, can't land from whatever plane of existence he is right now— Cas places a hand over the handprint of his shoulder.

“Dean–”

The song ends, replaced by a cha cha gha that reminds Dean they're not alone.

The frown Cas gives him when Dean let's him go is almost enough to press closer again.

“The cake,” he whispers, taking one step behind and nodding toward the table. Jody and Sam are gone, which means they were to retrieve it— the cake. “If you want to, later, we could–”

“Yes,” instantly, followed by a more careful, “Dean, yes. I'd like to dance some more.”

“Peachy,” Dean sees in the corner of his eyes that Jack and Claire are fighting over something. Feeling bold and stupid, he moves fast enough to startle Cas when the shallow touch of Dean's lips braces the top of Cas knuckles, another light bow, a silent promise. “I think I know what record I want to put next”.

⠀

Here's a video showing a couple dancing bolero

Here's the playlist of what Dean sings and dances to with Cas

Here's the translation of the Spanish bits of the fic:

*¹. Coyotes: people who worked down the border, helping people enter and get out of US. People pay coyotes to help them, but there's no way to be sure they'll be safe. Please research a bit more about this, since I can't actually explain it whole here.

*². Avispa'o: someone of quick wit or mind. Can be use as a compliment or ironically, making fun of someone for thinking they are smarter than the people around them; an smart-ass.

*³. Santos: it means "saints" and it's an expression, like "oh God", for example. It can convey many things, depending on the inflection.

*⁴. Here's the whole song in English:

⠀

“ Being with you,

⠀I forget about everything and about myself.

⠀It seems that I have everything, if I have you (with me)

⠀And I don’t feel this harm (pain) that overwhelms me

⠀and that I carry inside (of) me,

⠀ruining this life that I have and I cannot live.

⠀

⠀You are the light that enlightens the nights on my long road,

⠀and that's why (facing destiny) I don't want live.

⠀

⠀( chorus )

⠀A rose in your hair seems a star on the sky.

⠀And in the wind, it sound like an accent your musical voice.

⠀And it shines like a sparkle of light the medal on your neck

⠀at the tiniest movement of your body when you walk.

⠀

⠀At your side, I don't feel the hours that pass with time

⠀nor I remember that I carry on my chest a deadly injury.

⠀With you I don’t feel the sound of the rain and the wind,

⠀because i carry your love in my chest

⠀like a madrigal. ”

[critical-thinking-is-mandatory]

Tbh what always got me about cat noir not knowing things was because the writers kept touting That "ladybug and cat noir are equals!" While... literally not treating them like equals. At least back then there was no reason for CN to not know everything other than the vague "it's not the right time", And this goes all the way back to season 1. I know CN is being written more like a brat nowadays but honestly it's just exhausting to me because the writers are so inconsistent with their characterizations and I feel that adrien/CN is no exception.

It's another one of the show's issues that could've been solved or at least mitigated, by using the 'show don't tell' rule. Like we get Adrichat being sad or insecure or something and then Maribug insists that they're equals but the creators have gone to 0 effort to show us that.

Maribug has to be at every fight, she has to cast the Miracle Cure and she has to purify the akuma/amok.

Adrichat? Not so much. Cataclysm isn't needed to destroy the akumatised object and it isn't needed to combat the Peacock. Strike 1.

Tikki got sick but Plagg didn't. That got Marinette at least introduced to Fu even if she just thought he was a weird vet. Why did Tikki get sick and Plagg didn't? Are Kwami supposed to eat cheese and Tikki got sick because she wasn't eating it? Did they get caught in the rain? If it was explained with. One. Little. Line. It'd be something to wave off. Strike 2.

We still don't know why Plagg didn't bother to get Adrien to take the Grimoire to Fu. Even if Lila still stole it, he could at least be like 'hey Adrien, let's take that book somewhere special.' 'What do you mean it's not there?' Because no amount of brushing Plagg off as cheese-obsessed will ever convince me that he shouldn't at least be curious about Gabriel and the book. Curiosity killed the cat anyone? Strike 3.

I don't like going into the whole "but Maribug keeps secrets from Adrikins 🥺" argument so I won't but I will reiterate: keeping a) the identities and b) the Guardian/Fu a secret wasn't Marinette's idea so she's definitely not the one to blame.

The thing is also, the creators don't treat Adrien like a flawed character with a pov and decisions to be explored. He is, Ass truck's words not mine, "perfect". He's the self-insert fantasy character. Everything is about Adrien and Adrien is right in the thick of every plot there is, but he has no initiative. Things happen to Adrien and this is a treatment more befitting a minor side character than one we're supposed to believe is the deuteragonist (secondary protagonist).

Marinette is treated like a flawed character because a) she is and b) her flaws are used for the sake of humour and "how are we supposed to prop up our white boy if we don't have Marinette going through his rubbish tee hee".

Back on topic. Okay. In Season 1, it wasn't until the last like. 5 seconds that Marinette was introduced to the Guardian/Fu so we can discount that season straight away.

Ever since Season 2 though, the creators have contrived up Angstdrien situations to draw attention away from the fact that Adrien has all the character of a wooden spoon with a smiley face drawn on it. Early Season 2 could have been a perfect 'fork in the road' for Maribug and Adrichat. Maribug could have been, as in canon, taken under Fu's wing to be trained as the next Guardian and unlock the secrets of the Grimoire. And on the other hand we could've had Adrichat delving into the mystery of why daddy dearest had a book that he's since discovered is vital to the lore of the Miraculous, and we could've learned more about Emilie and HM that way while also showing us that Adrien actually does have a personality under all that hair gel.

So we could've had their two paths diverge after spending Season 1 affirming how close the pair are, and expand on both the lore and supervillain plot without making both Adrichat and Maribug Guardian apprentices. Plus if we had say, Adrien discover that Gabriel is HM we could have a neat little sub-plot about how Adrien is supposed to breach a) HM's identity b) how upset he is by this c) all without revealing his own identity and relationship to HM.

Like there is so much the crew could have done that they just didn't because "Who cares! Everyone just watches this show to drool over Adrien so it's not like anything matters smh 🙄" and it drives me batty. I'm practically frothing at the mouth over this. I simply cannot begin to drive home just how on edge the fandom was when Volpina came out and we thought we were gonna get a whole detective!Adrien arc.

And this has gotten way too long and I've got off track but uh. yeah.

[fanficwritersinterviewed]

MCM, Tohje

<<This post is a part of a longer conversation about fanfic writers, how they view fanfic, and their writing process. All views are the fanfic writer’s own, and whatever fanfic they choose to write is entirely their own decision. No judgment value will be placed on fic content. These conversations are meant to provide insight for other fanfic writers in whatever stage they are at in their writing life>>

Meet-Cute Monday (with Tohje, @tohje​ )

AO3 stats:

Pseud: Tohje Pronouns: she/her, they/them Current fandoms: Star Wars Current pairings: QuiObi (Obi-Wan Kenobi/ Qui-Gon Jinn) How many total fic: 10 Total word count: 128,965 Long fic word count: 34,851 Shortest fic: 1,639 Highest kudo count: 301 Lowest: 35

What's the story behind your pseud? It is a nickname my partner gave me years ago. It's a word play in my mother tongue and it means, roughly, "being very enthusiastic".

How long have you been reading and writing fanfic? I started when I was around fourteen I think. Harry Potter was my gateway fandom. The teenage me wrote fanfic in my mother tongue back then, and the HP community in my language was huge, in retrospect. I also started to read in English when I found out about MA archive (Master Apprentice archive) around the same time (there went the rest of my innocence, haha!) BBC Sherlock drew me back into fanfiction in my adult life, and then after that I remembered and returned back to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. I have been writing fanfiction in English since 2019.

Why did you start to write fanfic with your current writing incarnation? Well, my love for Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had been reignited. First it was a game, or maybe a riddle of some sort for myself: to see if I could do it and be relatively satisfied with the result in another language.

Did you have any goals or hopes or something that you wanted to get out of writing fanfic when you started? My goal was, and still is, joy. Writing those characters and their POVs was, for lack of a better word, joyful. Playful, in the best meaning of the word. I'm a very character-driven writer, like the majority of fanfic writers are I think. When the characters’ voices started to take shape and build and feel true to me– and when they started to get, heaven forbid, *opinions about the course of the story– that is for me one of the most deeply satisfying feelings in the world. I want to be satisfied with the quality of my words, artistically speaking, and I still hunt after that joy to this day. It doesn't mean that the writing should come easy, but it does have to bring me joie de vivre despite the struggle.

You have a very poetic style of writing in English. Very sparse, with a clear sense of meter and rhythm. I'm curious if you write the same way in your native tongue. I aim for the sparseness in both languages, yes. I find it stylistically pleasing, and a great way to bring lightness and space for breathing into the text. I admire many writers for that quality (Tove Jansson and Cormac McCarthy for example, although they are otherwise very different). I try not to underestimate the reader. Sometimes it backfires, but hey, that's why good beta readers are to die for. I love poetry and read it in English too. I savor and chew different words in sentences and may ponder between the alternatives awhile. I have to study English words very carefully to be sure that they convey the meaning and connotations I need them to. Downside is sometimes it can become pompous, but sparseness helps with that, I hope.

Do you write outside of fanfiction? Yes, creative writing has been my hobby since upper secondary school.

Have you been able to write much lately? Irregularly, lol!

I know you recently had a baby and had to step away from writing for a bit.  I'm working full-time again, so between that, separation anxiety and wanting to be present as much as possible, writing definitely takes a hit. It wouldn't happen without my supportive spouse and his family living near enough to help. When I was writing my zine fic, my mother-in-law was simply irreplaceable.

How is it for you, writing with a newborn? Most of it can be capsulized into: "I haven't slept enough for this."

HA! Oh, yeah, I know how that goes.

[jackoshadows]

The ASoIaF fandom can be so frustrating sometimes.

It’s okay to admit that one doesn’t like this or that character. There’s nothing wrong in disliking a character.

I am pretty open on my blog about my indifference towards or dislike for Sansa because of her stans. I don’t make disclaimers about how much I love the character before proceeding to criticize Sansa. I am not a Sansa stan and that’s okay. My blog is a place for me to jot down my thoughts and celebrate characters, books and shows I do like. If you love Sansa as a character, block me, don’t follow me etc.

What’s obnoxiously annoying are the folks who claim to love all the characters the same and then give their ‘unbiased’ opinions which are held up as canon facts because they came from neutral book reader experts. To hell with that nonsense.

These posts reek of hypocrisy and double standards. It often tears down some characters while subtly propping up others - and it’s gobbled up by the wider fandom as unbiased interpretation of the text.

One example is pushing forth the notion that calling Arya pretty (Something that both her father and brother tell her she is in the books) is wrong, it’s sexualizing her, it’s okay for Arya to be ugly, she’s canonically not pretty because Cat/Sansa said so and no other interpretation is allowed etc. And then the same person who says all this celebrates Sansa’s beauty and ships her with a 27 year old man who falls in lust with Sansa.

Or when they say that the Arya-Lyanna (and Sansa/Lyanna parallels, because it’s always important to mention Sansa with respect to Lyanna even if said person claims to not care about Lyanna as a character) parallels are overrated and not important and they don’t care about Robert’s Rebellion characters but on their blogs there’s all these posts, fanarts and meta about Elia Martell - a Robert’s Rebellion character.

A so called book expert would note that GRRM has several characters outright compare Arya to Lyanna or mistake Lyanna for Arya in the books while Sansa has no such comparison. But no, the unbiased book expert thinks that the Arya-Lyanna and Sansa-Lyanna parallels are equivalent and are both overrated.That post just annoyed me excessively into writing this long ass rant post.

Why are these neutral, unbiased folks so interested in stripping away from Arya’s story?

In the books Jeyne Poole is masquerading as Arya Stark - but that story is only Jeyne’s, has nothing to do with Arya or Arya’s importance to the North. 

Arya is a strong warg, Nymeria and her wolf pack are a ‘Chekov’s wolf pack’ that GRRM has hung on the wall  -  Our expert opinion is that Direwolves are not all that important in the grand scheme of things.

Arya is pretty - why needlessly call Arya pretty, it adds nothing to Arya’s story and is all about sexualizing a child.

Arya-Lyanna parallels - why do we need these parallels, Arya is distinct and interesting without them.

These aspects are all important parts of the character’s story. There are so many very well written essays exploring these concepts with respect to Arya’s journey of self discovery in the books, the narrative significance of her parallels to Lyanna, her bond with Nymeria and her warging talents. For those who are interested, here are two bloggers who actually like Arya and have written about her character and character arc.

https://donewithwoodenteeth.tumblr.com/meta-masterlist

https://ashotofjac.tumblr.com/tagged/arya-stark

Some of these same people will rush to condemn any reading of the books that does not have Sansa wielding power at the end as being ‘Sansa hate’. But they will have no issues to undermine and devalue Arya’s actual book story, the relationships she has, the parallels she has, the skillsets she has, her appearance, her importance to the current story happening in the North.

There is a whole ass plot currently in the books of Northerners rallying for Arya Stark and preparing for battle against the Boltons for Arya Stark. But that’s not important because it’s actually Jeyne Poole and Arya’s story is about sailing off west of westeros.  But hey, Sansa will definitely go North and hold power and that’s like 100% happening because we are the unbiased book experts and we say it is so.

Or when all else fails - Arya is a Mary Sue, she’s a fantasy character, she’s a ‘strong female character’ because she fights with a sword, people like her because she’s a tomboy who fights. Sansa is realistic, Sansa is complex - but here are all the essays that basically transfer Arya’s complexity and story to Sansa - because it fits more with their fave, because these aspects would fit better with the traditionally feminine character even though they never tire of talking about how GRRM is deconstructing tropes. Because the trope deconstruction is only applied to Arya, Jon and Dany. Never Sansa.

And honestly, why are these people reading a high fantasy series if they hate fantasy and fantasy characters so much? We love Sansa because she’s so non-magical! Then go read non-fiction books. They also twist Jon, Arya and Dany into ‘fantasy’ characters - despite these characters going through some very real and human experiences. What’s fantasy about Arya’s experiences in war torn Westeros, Jon dealing with bigotry at the wall, Dany trying to rebuild Meereen, while dealing with famine, disease and insurgency?

Or how Jon and Dany getting any kind of happy ending or becoming rulers would be so boring, sweet, predictable, conforming to tropes, a happy ending etc. But Sansa getting love, romance, going home, becoming the Stark in Winterfell, getting her fairy tale ending - that’s totally what GRRM is going to do! No trope deconstruction there!  In may ways, Benioff and Weiss’ ending is not all that surprising -  Mad Queen Dany, Jon remaining a bastard with the freefolk, Sansa having power as a leader - are all popular theories among bnfs in the fandom. D&D wanting to wind up the show quickly with easily found fan theories is not that much of a stretch.

ASoIaF reddit is equally frustrating. Instead of Sansa stan bnfs on tumblr who pretend to like Arya and Dany while subtly undermining their story and importance, on Asoiaf reddit it’s Stannis stans who dislike Jon and Dany because these characters present a challenge to Stannis. The mere suggestion that Jon may play a role in the battle against Ramsay sends them into frothing at the mouth rage. They hate Jon, Jon is a Gary Sue because he dared advice Stannis - the greatest general ever - on Northern military strategy. Never mind that Jon grew up in the North and learned from Ned, how dare Jon Snow know more than Stannis! Unacceptable!

And I love Stannis Baratheon. I want Stannis to crush and defeat the Boltons. But unlike reddit dudebros, I can see that he is a secondary character, a tragic character who is most probably going to perish and Jon takes over because Jon Snow is a central protagonist in the story.

I feel it’s the same with Sansa. IMO, GRRM clearly doesn’t see Sansa in the same way as he does Arya, Jon, Dany, Tyrion and Bran. Whenever he is asked questions about the books, book plots, long term arcs, endings, age gaps etc it’s these characters he often brings up and references. It’s these characters who are important to him.

And that’s why there’s a lot of undermining and undervaluing of these character’s and their stories, them being described as fantasy characters, tropes, Mary Sues and Gary Sues, ableist rhetoric about Tyrion and Bran to undermine them.

I am damned certain that if it was Sansa who had all the parallels to Lyanna, or if she was the warg, or Jeyne Poole was impersonating her, this would all be ‘VERY IMPORTANT’ and on all the gifsets and essays. But she isn’t. So fandom bnfs are reduced to talking about how these aspects are not all that important anyway.

It’s like how this quote - ‘You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts’ turns up on gifsets every other day on the Arya tag but this quote - ‘Sansa could never understand how two sisters, born only two years apart, could be so different. It would have been easier of Arya had been a bastard, like her half brother Jon. And Jon’s mother had been common, or so people whispered’ very rarely does and will not get reblogged when it does.

Or when Sansa sees Joffrey trying to kill Arya and sides with Joffrey or when Sansa throws Arya under the bus and tells the Lannisters that it’s Arya who is the traitor - just sisters being sisters y’all!

It’s all about maintaining a certain narrative about Sansa - and when others point out her actual relationship with Arya in the books, we are accused of hating and wanting Sansa dead and how we should be criticizing Tywin and the Mountain instead. This is nonsensical whataboutism and ignores that people talk about  these aspects of the books because sometimes bullying, getting mocked for one’s appearance, abuse and neglect from parental figures etc. can resonate with certain readers unlike getting one’s head smashed in by Frankenstein.

At the end of the day, I wish these people would be honest about the characters they like and relate to. We are all biased. That’s why our opinions and interpretations are subjective. There’s nothing wrong in saying, hey, I like Sansa more than Arya or Dany, I relate to her character more.

I relate to Jon Snow a lot, I see things from his POV, I would disagree with the characters who disagree with Jon,  I enjoy his story at the Wall and the North. My interpretations of the text are therefore colored by my bias towards Jon. 

For others, it’s Dany or Sansa or Arya or Tyrion or Jaime. And that’s okay because these are fictional characters and liking one more than the other is not going to earn anyone woke points and lead to women’s rights.

And finally, there’s nothing edgy or cool about disparaging the central protagonists of a high fantasy series as being fantasy characters - go read other books if one is not into fantasy.

[angelanimedesaray]

Wings in the Dark Chapter 9:  Thorns on the Rose

AN:  It took me forever to come up with this title lol  And I can’t begin to explain how much I adored all the feedback...and how tempted I was just to let you all squirm for a few days just for the heck of it XD

ik, ik, I’m evil, what’s new (She says, sipping from the mug that says Tears of My Readers.  No really, I own a mug that says that. It’s my favorite).

I swear the delay isn’t because I wanted to make you squirm, though, I really had some troubles near the end and had to work through them PLUS decide to chop of my initial plans for half this chapter and shove them into the next chapter because this one was already so damn long XD

Characters:  Levi, Fem!Vampire!Reader, Erwin

Pairing:  (Eventual) Levi x Fem!Vampire!Reader

Warnings:  Language, Allusions to Trauma, Antagonization, Mentions of: Death, Violence, Near Death, Blood, Murder.

Word Count:  9183

<----Previous Chapter    Masterlist     Next Chapter----> 

*Levi’s POV*

When Levi came to, he felt lethargic and disoriented.  His head was pounding, limbs heavy, and he even found breathing to be tiresome and difficult.  Something that would have normally been alarming, if he could think straight.

What day was it?  Was it night or day?  Where was he?  Why did he feel like there was somewhere he needed to be, something he needed to do?

He attempted to move his arms to start to sit up, opening his eyes briefly before immediately closing them as the world spun around him, the bright light painful on his eyes.  A groan rumbled in his chest but didn't make it past his lips as he slowly started to sit up, using the soft surface below him as a sense of stability and direction while the world was spinning around him.  As he sat up, something sheer and soft slid off his bare skin, scratching against something that was covering his lower torso.

Levi opened his eyes more cautiously this time, squinting against the light that came in through the window as his vision slowly came into focus on the familiar room around him.

His room.  His bedroom.

What the hell was he doing in bed?  He never slept in his own bed--it was there for decoration more than anything else.  If he'd fallen asleep it would have been in just own chair.

And why was everything in his head such a confused mess?  He shouldn't be this disoriented right now, why couldn't he remember...remember…

Levi lifted a heavy hand to his head, fingers digging into his hair as he tried to remember how he got here, what had happened before he'd fallen asleep?

Wait, there were...bandages on his head?  Had he been knocked out by something?  Some freak accident?

Right, he hadn't fallen asleep...he'd fallen unconscious because…

Levi looked down, finally noticing the bandages wrapped around his middle as well, covering his abdomen with a few strips wrapped over his shoulder to keep them in place.  His hand lowered carefully to his middle, hand pressing tenderly for a wound, for some reason expecting to see blood gushing everywhere or to at least start seeping through the bandages.

The skin underneath was tender, sensitive to the touch and admittedly painful now that he was aware of it, like one large bruise or burn. Except, he knew that wasn't what was underneath the wrapping.

He remembered...blood.  Lots of it, seeping out of a hole in his stomach, a hole ripped through him by the broken debris of a warehouse.  He'd been losing blood so fast, staining his shirt, his skin, his hands, the floor...he'd known the moment he realized he'd been impaled he was going to die.

So why wasn't he dead?

Why had he gone to the warehouse in the first place?

The door to his room--the office portion--opened without anyone knocking, and Levi looked up in surprise.  Considering the lack of an inquiry, he assumed it was Erwin coming inside.  They cut right through his office without hesitation, heading right towards his bedroom door to reveal--

His stomach lurched, panic started to try and rear its head from his chest.

Red eyes, burning skin, a necklace, arms that threw him through walls and into the wood that impaled and should have killed him, an arm pressed against his lips, forcing blood into his mouth and holding fast to keep him from spitting it out though he still tried, in vain, to do just that, hands over his mouth and nose, cutting off his air until his body grew so desperate for oxygen it swallowed the blood in his mouth on a reflex.

Hands pressed against his fatal wound to try and stop the bleeding, arms that pulled him free from the wood he'd been impaled upon, a voice that tried desperately to keep him awake even when he lacked the strength to stay conscious any longer.

Even with some of the answers she was still a damn enigma.

L/N walked through his bedroom door as if it was perfectly normal for her to be here, a tray with teacups and freshly brewed tea on one hand while the other was opening and closing doors.  She was completely unharmed--no burned skin, no line on her neck where his blade had drawn blood, no fucking gash across his chest where he'd cut her open trying to get her to stay away from him.  Her eyes were back to their normal color, not a hint of red in them or on the clothes she'd clearly changed.

How long had he been unconscious?

No, that was a secondary question, he had more important things to worry about right now.  Like how casually she'd just walked into his room, the fact that she was in his room, when he knew what she was.

The sheets that had covered him were thrown aside as she entered the room, the world tipping dangerously as he tried to swing his feet out of bed and get to his feet, tried to get to a position he could fight back.  L/N moved in a blur, not even trying to hide her nature anymore as she sat the tray of tea down on the closest surface and practically appeared in front of him.

"You shouldn't be out of bed, yet, you're still not--"

Ignoring what she was saying, Levi reached out and grabbed a fistful of the front of her shirt.  With far more effort than he would ever admit, he pushed her backwards, his own steps staggering and unsteady as he followed her, pushing her up against the wall, eyes glaring murderously at her and effectively silencing whatever else she was about to say.

They stood there for several moments, Levi's heavy breathing filling the room, L/N's hands up at her sides with palms out, meeting his gaze and appearing infuriatingly unsurprised by his reaction.

He wanted to just kill her here and now.  Fuck, he shouldn't have hesitated back in that warehouse, things wouldn't have ended in his…

He wasn't dead.  He was certain he wasn't dead.  He hadn't died...had he?  He should have.  He'd been at the brink of dying the last he remembered.  She'd been yelling at him not to die because her blood...her blood needed more time to heal him.

Levi's grip on her shirt tightened, fabric straining and threatening to rip.

He should have fucking killed her when it was simply man verses monster, because now she'd saved his life, and he didn't know what to do.

He had to accept that this situation was a lot more...complicated then he'd originally thought, and that he didn't understand what was happening.  And if he didn't understand the situation, he couldn't approach it properly.

"I don't trust you," he growled out in a low voice.  Again, she was unsurprised.  It was probably one of the only stable facts between them right now.

"But…" his fingers flexed, adjusting the grip he had on her.  "I will listen one time, and this time you'll answer our questions."

"Our?"

"Erwin will be there. Whatever I know, he'll know, and I don't want to be repeating shit."  Levi centered his gaze on her again, expression dark and hard.  "One time, and then we'll decide what to do with you."

Levi waited until she gave a slow nod to show she understood before he released her, hearing a little slide against the wall that told him he'd lifted her slightly--he hadn't even been aware.  Turning away, Levi attempted to get back to the bed before his strength left him, but his knees buckled and he started to collapse before he even made it halfway there.

L/N caught him before he could hit the floor.

"Your interrogation will have to wait.  You still haven't recovered enough to really get out of bed," she told him, helping him get to the bed before he pushed her off to let him do the rest by himself.

She backed off and let him struggle to get back into the bed, going back over to the tray of tea she'd brought in the first place to start pouring the cups as she spoke.  "You've been out for a couple days.  People have been asking questions, which I haven't answered. I've just been saying it's your business and leaving it at that.  You can probably expect a visit from Commander Erwin any day now--you can tell him whatever you want, then."

"What did you do to me?" Levi cut in, fists planted in the bed as he tried to make sense of what had happened, how despite all odds he was sitting in this bed with some creature of the shadows attempting to have casual conversation with him as if he hadn't tried to kill her, as if she hadn't almost killed him and hadn't killed so many others before him.

She looked at him in silence for a brief moment, as if sizing him up before she approached with a cup of tea in hand.

"My blood can heal most injuries, if there's enough time.  It's gross, and it's risky, but it was your only chance given the situation. But it was also cutting it close."  She held out the cup of tea, and Levi eyed it distrustfully. A bit of annoyance crept through her voice, and she held it a little closer to him without spilling it everywhere.  "No it's not your usual black tea--it's an herbal blend that should help your recovery, so I suggest you drink it anyway."

When he still seemed reluctant, she grabbed his hand and placed the cup in it to make him hold it.  "I'm not going to have gone to all this trouble to save your life just to poison you with tea at least half a dozen people saw me making or on my way here with."

Honestly, he wasn’t sure he could stomach anything right now after hearing that.  She’d made him drink her blood.  The thought alone made him nauseous as he stared down at the tea whose fragrances were doing nothing to help settle his nausea.

L/N sat down next to him instead of retreating to a chair in the room or leaning against the wall, making Levi stiffen and shift away, glaring at her and about to tell her to get the hell away from him.  She reached out with a hand to grasp his chin, which made Levi glare daggers at her and pull out of her grip, his free hand knocking her hand out of the way.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he seethed, on the brink of trying to clock her in the jaw if she didn’t get out and leave him alone.

“Checking something.  Believe me, this is a quick exam you want me to make.  I said there were risks for healing you the way I did, didn’t I?” she said seriously, her gaze sharp and analyzing as they swept across his features.  The way she said it made him even more nauseous, the bad feeling settling deep into his gut.

She kept her hands off this time, though it also meant she got closer, staring intently into his eyes before she started asking questions.

“How’s the light?  It’s not too much, causing any discomfort or headaches?” she asked, and it was at that point Levi realized the lighting in the room was all natural sunlight.

“No.  A bit at first, not now,” he said shortly.

“Does your jaw hurt?  Feel like there’s a stabbing pain, like a tooth trying to break through?”

“What?  No.”

Levi leaned away from her, unsettled by the questions he was being asked as well as her close proximity.  Surprisingly, she got to her feet with a small nod, closing her eyes and letting out a relieved little sigh.  “Good.  I just wanted to make sure.”

Levi’s gaze tracked her as she went back to the tea tray, trepidation bubbling up in his gut.  “What were the risks?” Levi asked in a deceptively steady tone.

She hesitated in answering him, which was alarming in and of itself, but she ended up choosing not to try and hide it from him.

“If you’d died with my blood in your system, you would have turned into what I am.”

Levi felt numb, except for the painful pounding in his chest and the ring in his ears at her words, his breaths cutting against his lungs.  She turned to face him, looking worried, but Levi spoke before she could say anything else.

“Get out.”

The words were heavy and harsh against the silence of the room, and she took another step forward with hesitation, her concern momentarily outweighing her caution.

“Get the fuck out,” he spat venomously, glaring at her to drive the point home.  She withdrew into that shell of hers instantly, gathering up the few things she’d brought with her, but pausing with her hand on the doorknob, the wooden door partially closed behind her but still open enough to show her back.  He couldn’t see her face, he could just see her hair, the back of her clothes, the corner of the tray.

“I really am glad that you’re alright, Captain.  And relieved that you’re still human.  I suppose I’ll see you soon after you recover.”

She left before he could throw any other scathing remarks her way, leaving him behind in the silence of his room as the reality of what happened in that warehouse started to press in on and crush him until it felt like the solid ground beneath his feet had disappeared and he couldn’t breathe.

Two days later, after Levi filled in a dubious Erwin on the reality of what Y/N L/N was hiding, it was quickly established that a proper interrogation was long overdue, especially since she was willing to cooperate and openly answer questions now.  They just needed to wait until Levi recovered enough he could move around without drawing attention to his injuries.  He’d already been a fast healer, but with L/N’s...help...he recovered in record time.  Erwin didn’t say anything, but Levi suspected Erwin wondered if Levi had ever actually been hurt, considering he’d never even seen a wound from him.

Erwin hadn’t seen what Levi had seen, he didn’t have the visual proof, just Levi’s word.  Even trusting Levi’s word wasn’t enough for this.  They were going to have to do something to show him the validity of Levi’s claims.

Still, Erwin trusted him enough to arrange for the secret interrogation, one that was going to be done in the dungeons, with L/N handcuffed behind bars in a cell while Levi and Erwin stayed on the other side.  Levi wasn’t sure how much good a few pieces of iron were going to be in holding her back, but it was the best they could do.

Well, that and something else that Levi expected massive resistance over.

True to her cooperation so far, L/N agreed on the secret meeting in the basement, the three of them rendezvousing in the dungeons in the middle of the day while most of the Scouts were out busy fulfilling duties or enjoying time off with their family or friends.  Erwin had glanced between the two at the palpable, hostile tension coming from Levi and the attempt at indifference L/N seemed to be trying to exude in return to Levi’s hostility.

Erwin had already tried to suggest he do most of the talking, but Levi had turned him down flat.  Normally, yes, he let Erwin take the lead for these kinds of things--but this had started to cross over into personal a while ago, and he had questions of his own he was going to have answered.

“Pardon the precaution, but if you don’t mind,” Erwin said politely, putting the cuffs on her before stepping aside and holding an arm out towards the cell that was currently open and waiting, a chair already situated on the other side of the bars for her to use.

Levi could have sworn he saw a flash of amusement in her eyes, which confirmed his theory the bars and cuffs did nothing but give an illusion of safety.  Still, she went inside without a comment, picking up the chair and bringing it over to the wall, setting it with its back to the wall so she was facing the opposite stone wall instead of facing them directly on the other side of the bars.  While she was adjusting her chair and taking her seat, Erwin shut and locked the door, taking up the seat facing the cell while Levi moved over to the bars, leering inside at her.

“We’ll be taking that necklace, too.  So you don’t make a break for it in the meantime,” he added.  As expected, she cast him a sharp look, the reluctance clear on her face.  “Unless, of course, you were lying about being so cooperative.”

She cast him a dirty look at the clear attempt to back her into a corner where she would have to hand it over as a show of good faith, but to his mild surprise, she reached up and carefully undid the necklace she’d nearly killed him trying to get back in the warehouse, coming over to stand in front of him at the bars of the cell and holding it out for him to take.  When his fingers closed around the medallion and he attempted to take it, her grip tightened instead of released, causing his gaze to narrow slightly at her as the silver chain went taut, and there was a brief spark in the tension between them both.

“I want that back,” she said seriously, holding his gaze for a few seconds more before she released it, the chain falling loosely against his knuckles with the ends left dangling past his closed fist.

“Depends on what we decide after you spin your tale,” Levi returned with a hint of a bite in his tone.  Erwin sighed softly behind him at the antagonizing air between the two, but Levi ignored him, moving over to take up a spot leaning against the wall behind Erwin, finally able to get a good look at this special necklace for the first time.  The chain and the border of the medallion were both silver, with strange engravings along the back of the silver medallion piece in symbols he didn’t recognize.  The medallion, however, was simply a well-polished black fire opal.  Besides that, there didn’t seem to be anything strange, magical, or supernatural about it.  It just seemed like a fancy necklace.

“What’s so important about this necklace, anyway?  I get it lets you go in the sun, but the way you reacted?  There’s more to it than that,” Levi asked, gaze flickering back up to where L/N had retaken her seat in the cell as he tucked the necklace away into a different pocket than he had in the warehouse, just to keep her guessing in case things went south again.

“I’m going to lead this interrogation, Levi, remember?” Erwin reprimanded him steadily.  Levi was unfazed.

“It’s as good a place to start as anything,” Levi said indifferently, eyes still fixated on L/N.

“Then you clearly didn’t think too long on the fact that it lets me walk in the sun,” she said with a sigh, turning her head to meet Levi’s gaze unflinchingly.  “You could say that necklace is the physical manifestation of my freedom.  Without it, I can’t go out in the daylight, yes.  I can’t feel the sun.  Can’t move around in the day and be part of society.  Can’t live on the surface.  Without it I’d be kicked back down into the Underground to try scraping by day after day with no way out, for an eternity.  So yes, I reacted a little strongly when it was taken from me.”

Oh, she wasn’t holding back her verbal punches after that clear dig at him and his past.  This was going to be an interesting interrogation, then.  Levi also planned on putting her through the verbal wringer when it was his turn to field the questions to make sure she wasn’t hiding even a shred of dark intentions or ulterior motives.  And poor Erwin was going to be smack in the middle of it.

“Let’s take a few steps back, so that everyone’s on the same page,” Erwin said in a voice that spoke volumes for the more mediatory role he was slowly getting pushed into.  “Captain Levi’s seen all the evidence he needs to believe this shadow monster theory, but I’m finding it harder to believe without seeing anything to prove it, myself.”

“Vampire.”

“Sorry?”

“Vampire.  Not shadow monster.  There’s an actual name for what I am, even if the people within the walls seem to have forgotten it for some reason.  I’m what’s called a vampire.”

“Vampire, then,” Erwin said patiently.  “The problem still remains, though, that I find it hard to believe.”

“It is rather hard to believe, isn’t it?” she said, getting to her feet to look around the room idly, contemplating how she wanted to prove she was what she said she was--a vampire, apparently.  She eventually picked up a fairly sizable piece of rock and snapped it in half with a display of strength that further solidified Levi’s thought that those bars and handcuffs did nothing to hold her back.  Putting the sharp edge against the inside of her palm, she cut her hand open, angling it in Erwin’s direction so he could watch as the wound healed rapidly in front of them until all that was left was a bit of blood in her palm, not even a faint scar line.  And no steam, like when a Titan regenerated.  “Is that enough, for the time being?  The only other things I can think of to prove I am what I say I am would only make me look a helluva lot more threatening and far less cooperative.”

Erwin had that familiar stoic mask in place as he processed the reality of what Levi had told him with that little display of tangible proof.  At least Erwin had some mental preparation for what she was ahead of time--Levi just had it dumped on him all at once.

When he seemed to reach a point he was satisfied with, Erwin leaned forward, hands folded together and resting against his chin as a hard and serious light appeared in his eyes, focused on L/N on the other side of those bars.

“Levi has already filled me in on what he’s been able to observe, and what he’s heard from local legends.  I’m of the opinion we should get some clarity from you--confirmation or denial on the accuracy of these details, anything we might be missing.  That way we have a better understanding of who we’re dealing with.”

L/N looked away, Levi able to catch the briefest flash of resignation in her eyes as she chose to instead look at the wall across from her again.  “Know thine enemy, correct?”

“Well...whether you’re our enemy or our ally has yet to be decided.  Ideally, we’ll know after we finish talking.”

"What do you want to know?"

For the time being, Erwin took over the interrogation entirely while Levi acted the silent observer, giving her soft questions that were easy to answer and shedding light on the basics of what she was.

"Legends say you're immortal.  Y/N Frazier supposedly died about forty years ago, which would make you--"

"Late sixties, approaching seventies.  Except I don't age, so even though I've been around for that long, I'm frozen in my mid-twenties.  I'll never get a day older."

"And the blood drinking?"

"Unfortunately very true.  So long as I keep a healthy diet of blood in my system, I function like any other human being.  Except, I don't actually need to eat and drink regular food to survive.  It helps me look normal and blend in, I can still enjoy it, benefit from herbal teas, and eating and drinking regular food can help with...cravings."

"Levi’s noted that you go out once a week to satiate your hunger.  That's quite a lot of people to have killed over forty years or longer, if you stuck with the once a week approach."

"It's the diet and lifestyle.  I could go longer without it if I wasn't in a field where I'm likely to be around blood often and need to keep cravings tightly under control.  Not to mention I'm not taking the best quality blood out there, which unfortunately means I need more across a shorter span of time because it doesn't keep me satisfied as long."

"Blood quality?"

"Yeah, the better quality blood, the stronger the vampire and the less often they need to feed.  Animal blood could work in a tight spot, but it would be miserable, and it would be harder to resist human blood constantly denying that basic nature, so it's not an option for me.  People that do a lot of drinking and drugs and other pollutants to their bodies have a lower quality blood, and surprisingly lifestyle has an impact as well.  Certain bloodlines are...exceptional: top tier stuff, like perfectly curated tea leaves."

"And your...diet?"

"A lot of pollutants...bare minimum stuff.  I try to single out people who thrive off the suffering of others, the people doing the really nasty stuff to others where they think no one is looking.  Sometimes I'm rushed, and I don't always have the luxury of a full background check before targeting someone, but I have my standards and tricks for luring the worst people out.  I have lines I don't want to cross.  It satiates my hunger, but I could do better.  I just refuse to feed off innocent people...like most vampires seem to do."

“What if you didn’t feed off anyone?  What happens?”

“Slow and painful starvation over...I don’t know, decades, centuries?  It’s not pleasant.  Someone threatened me with it once and from what I understand its a very slow and agonizing decay over a very, very, very long period of time.” 

"You mentioned how your diet can affect how strong you are--what does it affect?  Levi’s already noticed you have keen senses, fast reflexes, strength, speed…"

"He's not wrong," she said softly.  "One of my first days here I got in trouble for holding back on my fellow cadets.  The problem is, if I don't hold back, someone could get seriously hurt.  I can move faster than the average person--I could probably intercept an arrow, maybe even a bullet.  Reflexes fall into that same category.  I have enhanced senses, definitely.  I can hear your heartbeats, and the heartbeats of the people above us, a mile out if I'm not focusing, a little further if I am.  I've learned to sift through all the excess noise and focus on certain sounds or voices, or to block it out if I need to.  Sight is much sharper than normal, too--as is smell."

Her gaze shifted to Levi, and she directly addressed him once more.  "That's why you couldn't sneak up on me until I was in the Underground.  Then I was distracted and blocking out the smells around me.  Normally, though, you have a very distinct scent--not bad, just distinct--that I grew accustomed to picking up on.  And sometimes the breeze carried it even further.”

Bold of her to address him.  As he listened to her casually discuss her abilities and killing people, his expression had darkened, scowling deeply.  Sure, he could give way on the matter of having to kill to survive.  He could see that much now--at least she had to in order to survive so she didn’t die a slow and painful death, or hurt someone innocent by accident.  But how casually she discussed it, how flippant she sounded talking about taking life--that didn’t sit well with him.

Now, however, as she discussed all of these strengths of hers, all these advantages she had over the rest of him, there was something else that was nagging at the back of his mind.  He remembered the exhilaration in her eyes when she’d killed that Titan despite the close call Eld had in that exact moment, and how he’d been concerned she might not be taking it seriously.  Yes, she’d told him when he was still dying that she joined to help, her intentions there had been pure--she’d felt she could find purpose coming to the Scouts, that maybe the death that followed her just so she could survive could mean something if she dedicated her life and abilities to serving a purpose greater than herself.

Hmm...maybe she did take all the killing she did to survive seriously.  It was hard to tell with her.  She was so flippant and casual talking about it now, but back then, there had been notes of something...deep and unsettling in her voice.  An emotion that didn’t quite have a word to go with it, but revolved around the knowledge of so many people dying so you could live, and wanting to make sure it wasn’t for nothing.

Shit, now wasn’t the time to be sympathizing, he had a purpose here--he was here to seek out any ill intent, and he had to shove aside the sympathizing for her plight or anything else that crept up for later reflection.  Right now was the time to dig in and search no matter how harsh he got with his questions.

And his current concern was that the situation that was life and death, horror and tragedy for the rest of them, was nothing more than a game, a simple change of pace, mere exercise for her.  From the sound of it, between her regeneration and all these enhanced senses, strength, reflexes, speed, all of it, it was like she was fucking invincible.  There was no real risk for her like there was for the rest of them.  All this struggle and sacrifice and suffering from the people around her, and she had nothing to lose, there was no real threat towards her, personally--she didn’t even have to put any effort into it.

Their life and death struggle was like a game to her.

It pissed him off the more he thought about it, until he couldn’t keep a lid on it anymore.

And her directly addressing him like that gave him the opportunity to let the first accusation fly.

Voice low and deadly, chilling as ice, Levi’s hard gaze drilled into her from where he was leaning against the stone wall of the dungeon.  “It’s not even a real risk to you is it, going out there where the rest of us struggle, suffer, and die?  Just a fucking game for you with how fucking invincible you are, from the sounds of it--”

Her eyes flashed, and her voice grew colder to match his chilly tone as she cut him off before he could get too far with his accusation.

“It’s still a risk for me, too.  Maybe not as great, maybe I have a better chance, but it still would only take one wrong step.  Unlike a Titan, I can’t grow back a full limb.  I don’t age, but I can still die.  Some deaths, okay, fine, I’ll come back from it.  I’ll come back from a bullet to the brain, or suffocating to death, or a stab through the heart with a blade.  I can’t come back from decapitation.  Just one bite in the wrong place, and I’m just as fucked as anyone else in that situation,” she said bitingly, taking a deep breath to try and calm down, her tone losing some of its chilling edge as she continued.  “It doesn’t help that my reactions play out faster than the ODM gear can function.  While everyone else was learning how to properly operate the ODM gear and balance and react and all that, I had to focus more on slowing down for the gear than anything else, because if I react too fast at the wrong time, and the ODM gear skips something I was trying to do because I did it too fast, I could sail right into the thing’s arm or mouth.  I might not have been putting in the same kind of effort in the same places as everyone else, but that doesn’t mean there’s not any effort being put in by me, doesn’t mean that I don’t have to be careful as well, that there’s no risk.  Hell, one of my greatest fears is something catching that necklace and causing it to come off in the middle of the day on an expedition.  I’d be fucked, dead in seconds with no shade for protection.  There’s risk for me, too, even if it's a different kind of risk.”

While Levi put her monologue aside for later to mull over, letting it soothe his concerns that she wasn’t taking the expeditions seriously for the time being, Erwin leapt for the reins of the interrogation again.

“So far you have given the impression of invincibility, though.  His concern is justified,” Erwin said diplomatically, and she sighed, visibly calming herself down again.

“I’m not invincible.  I have rules and limitations just like everyone else,” she mumbled, leaning her head back against the stone wall.

“Like?”

Her eyes flickered over to Erwin.  “You can understand why I’m hesitant to be forthcoming about that kind of information.”

“Too bad,” Levi said flatly.  “You agreed to talk and answer questions.  If you don’t answer them, we’ll have to assume the worst.”

And if she wasn’t willing to tell them how she wasn’t invincible, they would have to assume she didn’t want them knowing how to stop her, which would mean she was actually planning something sinister.

“Vampire or not, it's never a comfortable thing telling someone exactly how to kill or stop you,” she mumbled, running a hand through her hair, an uncomfortable look on her face before she reluctantly began to speak.

“I already mentioned being out in the sun unprotected for too long can kill me.  So can decapitation.  A wooden stake to the heart for some reason kills a vampire.  So does burning alive.  I already said that I can’t grow back limbs--my regeneration is slowed down if I’m near death or haven’t fed in a while.  Vice-versa, I heal faster when I’m well fed or I’m feeding.  Oh, here’s a weird one--I can’t enter a living space for a human being unless I’m invited in.  Community places that people rotate out of like inns or the barracks are a grey spot, I can go in there, but private homes, property, anything that is the private living space of a human being I can’t enter without being invited.”

Wait a second...She has to be fucking joking, right?

She was just in his bedroom the other day--she’d carried him back to his office, to his living quarters, without being invited inside.  She’d been in and out of his office running errands for him.

But that first time, when she’d first been made an aid...he’d thought it was odd, but he’d assumed she was trying to be polite but had pushed it to annoying levels.  He distinctly remembered how she’d waited until he had said the words come in before she entered his office for the first time.  She’d been waiting for him to truly invite her in instead of making some vague noise or answering with a simple, yes, what, whatever it was he felt at the time.  After that she hadn’t waited for another come in, she’d just entered his office like a normal person.

He’d had a safe space, a barrier she couldn’t cross between her and him, a place she couldn’t enter unless he allowed it, and unknowingly, he had thrown away that layer of protection.  She’d been well aware that was what he was doing, too.

He felt like some part of his privacy had been invaded, knowing that she shouldn’t be able to enter his office and bedroom, but because of that one time he had invited her in without understanding the consequences, he wasn’t going to get that safe space back.

Her gaze wandered over to Levi, spotting the angry look on his face, and she jumped to her own defense before he could voice it.

“Before you get angry about me being invited into your office, I wasn’t exactly given much of a choice considering I was given a job where that protection barrier was going to come down at some point.  How else was I going to be your aid if I couldn’t come into your office to deliver something or pick something up?  The moment I was made your squad’s aid, it was something that couldn’t be helped.”  She sighed.  “It’s not something I’ve taken advantage of, and I have no intention of doing so in the future, if that makes you feel any better.  But future reference--a good way to keep a vampire out and to maybe pick out a vampire, is to stay vague when letting people into your private spaces.  Don’t outright tell them to come in--just imply it.  A vampire needs specific, verbal permission to come inside, anyone else can just walk right in.  It’s a good habit to have.”

“Anything else?” Erwin prompted before Levi could do anything more but sulk in the background at the revelation that he’d let a vampire into his office and now he couldn’t do anything to take that back.

“Yes--something rather major, actually.”  She got up from her seat and walked over to the bars of the cell, leaning casually forward against them and centered her gaze, once again, on Levi.  “Ever since Petra had me start making your tea, I’ve spiking it--”

He knew he should have thrown out that tea!

“How the hell is that supposed to be reassuring?” Levi fumed, cutting her off before she could finish.  As if finding out about the being invited in thing wasn’t bad enough!

“Let me finish before you bite my head off,” she said with a slight scowl.  “I’ve been spiking the tea with white sage.  The reason I’ve been doing that is because it protects a person from vampires.  It's practically poison to a vampire.  It burns the hell out of us if it touches our skin, it's like swallowing acid if we consume it.  Anyone who has white sage in their system, a vampire can’t safely bite.  Ingesting it will cause enough pain to knock them out, if they ingest enough.  At the very least it will incapacitate them long enough to try to bolt or fight back.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Why spike my tea?”

“Well, first of all, access.  You're the one whose drinks I’ve had access to.  Secondly...remember what I said about certain bloodlines being exceptional?”  She let that comment hang in the air, staring at him until she saw realization spark in his eyes.  His blood--his blood was one of the exceptional ones that would make her stronger if she partook.  “An exceptional bloodline also means it’s harder to resist.  I did it as a precaution.  It’s a damn good thing I did, too.”

When she was trying to save his life.  Her eyes, the noises she made, how much she seemed to be struggling, and yet she didn’t so much as lick the blood off her fingers.  Because when she started making his tea, she’d made his blood poisonous to her so she couldn’t bite him, even if she lost control.

He...didn’t know how to feel about that.

As infuriated as he was at the thought of her purposely tampering with his drinks and violating the gesture of trust it had been to even allow her to make his tea by spiking his drinks, it had been done to protect him--and it already had protected him.  Even if he hadn’t known it at the time.

It wasn’t like she could tell him she was adding white sage to his drinks to prevent her from accidentally killing him some day because his blood was too tempting to resist.  She’d been trying to hide this whole other world, trying to keep her true nature secret--it wasn’t like she could tell him she was going to add white sage to his drinks to protect him.

Don’t think about it too much right now, just absorb the information and move on--how you feel about it can come later, he chastised himself again, once more shutting down the stirrings of sympathy for her that was egged on by these little bits of extra information they were receiving about what she’d actually been doing in the background all this time.

He still had to press some of her buttons to answer a few more questions.  There were still a few questions he had, and he wanted to see how she would react under stress.  If they could trust her to keep a lid on her emotions and keep from losing control.

That seemed to be a running theme for her.  Control.  If she couldn’t keep control of herself, someone could end up seriously hurt.

He’d already almost bled to death in front of her, so that was one trial by fire she’d already passed.  However, he wanted to test out a different kind of self-restraint.  From the sound of it, with all these abilities of hers, she could accidentally kill someone in a fit of rage.

So...did she have enough discipline to keep a tight grip on her own leash?  If anyone was going to test the theory, he was probably the best person to do so, and now was the time.

Keeping that cold and indifferent exterior he’d kept up through this entire discussion, Levi spoke up after a few moments of silence passed, likely from Erwin giving Levi a chance to pursue the discussion about her spiking his tea.

Levi was about to derail this entire interrogation.

"You sure know how to paint yourself as the well-intentioned victim.”  Levi’s chilling tone echoed around the suddenly silent dungeon, his gaze boring down on her without a hint of the sympathy that kept getting stirred up from hearing about the situation she was in, the way she viewed things.  It was just cold indifference he was projecting towards her.  “The only problem is, I don't think someone who isn't above slaughtering her own best friend is anything close to a victim, let alone someone to be trusted.”

She stiffened as he brought up Victoria, her own demeanor rapidly shifting away from that casual posture she’d been keeping this entire time to someone who was ready for a fight.  Levi kept pressing on, sensing he might have found what he was looking for.

“If you're not above that, how the hell are we supposed to take your word for any of this?  How could we possibly trust anything you have to say?"

Her posture was rigid, eyes holding anger and her teeth grit even as she tried to take a calming breath and answer in an even tone.  Erwin, meanwhile, was giving Levi a sidelong look, trying to glean what Levi hoped to find by so clearly antagonizing her.

“I get that you're doing your job and you’re trying to figure out the kind of threat I pose, I get that you don’t trust me and you’re assuming the worst, but for god’s sake ask instead of assuming you know something when you clearly don’t understand anything about it except what I tell you.”

Her eyes flashed dangerously at the end towards Levi, a bite in her voice most people wouldn’t dare to use when talking to him.  Even behind bars, even when she was the one in the position to be interrogated, she didn’t hesitate to bite back, showing a surprisingly strong spirit despite that timid exterior she’d been projecting in public all this time.

He just needed to push a little further, and he could probably coax a reaction out of her.  Hopefully, she really was in control of herself and it wouldn’t result in anything deadly.  If she didn’t have control of herself...well, hopefully the bars would delay her enough to allow him to react fast enough and intercept her.

"It's a legitimate question. If you've been struggling with this violent nature of yours since you were born, and you've already hurt people like Victoria, what’s to say you won't hurt anyone else? That you won't snap, lose control--that we won't be next?"

Bringing up Victoria by name was like he’d said some kind of trigger word.  Her voice dripped with freezing venom, even as deep-running hurt flashed in her eyes, proving that she was, in fact, lashing out.

He finally found a button that set her off, information spilling out of her in a torrent of unbridled emotion stirred up by his brisk, accusatory statement.

"Vampires aren’t born, Captain, they’re made.  Which means a few decades ago I was just as human as you.  Just a regular carpenter’s daughter living in Wall Rose in a no name town, where I probably would have married, had kids, and died in obscurity if I hadn’t been caught in the rain one night and crossed paths with the worst person I could have stumbled upon."

Her cold voice paused, all that chilling intensity focused on Levi and Levi alone, Erwin temporarily forgotten amidst the verbal back and forth they were caught in.  Her words were meant for only him, and she didn't hold back on any perceived courtesy anymore.

“Do you know how a vampire’s made, Captain?  It got mentioned when we talked briefly after you woke up," she said in an almost mocking tone to go with her rhetorical question.  Realization was stirring in the back of his mind as he remembered what that risk had been in saving his life, but she pressed on before the full implications of that fact could settle in.  “A human being has to die with vampire blood in their system.  And then they have to drink human blood to finish the transformation.  I may not know the specifics, if you have to be dead for a certain period of time before the blood makes you a vampire instead of just heals you, if you have to drink from a human in a set time limit--I don’t know any of that.  I didn’t get an explanation.  There was no induction, no passing comment, not even a hint that I wasn’t human anymore.  I woke up unable to remember the night before thinking I was simply sick after catching a cold in the rain, and I went to my parent’s house because it felt like the kind of sick I wanted someone to keep an eye on me for in case it got really bad.”

Details of that "double homicide" flashed in Levi’s mind rapidly, and he felt sick to his stomach as the missing information she provided started to fill in the gaps and bring the larger image into focus in his mind.  As schooled as his expression was, she was staring at him so intently that the realization in his eyes didn't escape her notice.

“Now it’s clicking.  That night before the double homicide Y/N Frazier is now famous for in that town?  I was murdered.  And because I had no explanation or understanding of what was happening to me, I didn’t know to stay away from the people I cared about.  So when Victoria came to visit me…”

She swallowed and looked away when her voice wavered at the end, trying to hide the sudden flash of vulnerability and remorse that came with a haunting memory.

But then her eyes flashed again, and she glared at Levi from the other side of the bars.

“So no, Captain, I didn’t ask for this, and it's not as simple as being born like this.  It was done to me.  I never had a choice.  Maybe try to keep that in mind in the future when you’re fishing for answers instead of blindly accusing me of something.”

Well aware that he’d crossed some kind of boundary after that acidic spiel from her, Levi refrained from poking at what happened that night any further.  He needed to back off that subject--a lot of these subjects, actually--and do some thinking before he said anything else.

As for the interrogation...

One more push, one more time antagonizing her, and he’d back off if it didn't yield anything.

"You still haven't answered my question," Levi said curtly.  And she hadn't.  Instead of answering if she was a threat to them,, she'd gone on a long-winded spiel about her past and how he was making wild accusations..  "All the good intentions in the world won't change the fact that you're a threat to us.  Are you?"

She made a noise of frustration, teeth grinding together in a barely restrained growl of frustration before she stepped back from the cell bars, snapped the chain on the handcuffs without a second thought, clawing the cuff parts off like wet paper and letting them fall to the ground.  Levi straightened up from the wall as she reached for the bars of the cell, stepping in front of Erwin protectively with his arm held out in warning as she bent the bars aside to step right through with a bit of bending and wiggling.  Behind his back, Levi had drawn a knife and was holding it firmly in hand, even if, given the information they’d just received, it wouldn’t do much long-term good.  But it could at least slow her down.

She didn’t move any closer, but Levi wasn’t assured--if anything, he was on edge now, heart rate picking up as they stared each other down.

“Yeah, that’s reassuring--so you’re an unpredictable threat,” Levi said scathingly.  His grip shifted on the knife, flipping it around to a more comfortable position and a better grip he could use to lash out quickly and without warning.  Erwin shifted slightly behind him, but considering Levi couldn’t see him with his attention focused on L/N, he didn’t know how Erwin was reacting to the situation besides that slight shift after seeing Levi’s grip showing he was ready to act.

“Because I am.”

That...was not an answer he’d been expecting.  His head tilted slightly to the side, eyebrows raising.  She didn’t look like she’d suddenly gone crazy.  If anything, she just looked exasperated right now.

Throwing a hand aside as if to gesture to the hole she’d just made in the cell bars, a short, bittersweet laugh escaping her.  “Fucking hell, don’t ever treat a vampire as anything less, because if they are a threat and you give them the benefit of the doubt, its too late.  I get the reaction and intention to treat me as nothing more than a monstrous threat, it’s a healthy reaction, it’s a reaction that would give you a chance against a vampire that didn’t have good intentions, which is most of them.  But if I was really after you I would have just done it and left by now.  I wouldn’t be wasting my time sitting here giving you the best explanation I can muster and enduring the accusations.  And I wouldn’t be going to the lengths that I have to take the necessary precautions to make sure I don’t accidentally hurt someone ever again, especially someone in the Scouts.”

Levi’s grip on the knife behind his back relaxed, and he slowly started to slide it back into its holster, both him and L/N taking a few breaths in the tense silence and gradually calming down from the mood that had tipped towards explosive.

“Look…” she said in a sharp exhale, gaze sliding between Levi directly in front of her, and what she could see of Erwin behind him.  “I can’t tell you that I’m not a risk, because it would be a lie.  Your question shouldn’t be am I a risk, but am I a risk you’re willing to take.  If not...I’ll go quietly, try to find another purpose, I guess.  But I would like to stay, and do what I can, here.”

Behind Levi, Erwin got to his feet, putting a hand on Levi’s shoulder as a silent way to tell him to stand down for the time being, stepping up to the woman in front of them, studying her head to toe.  She let him do so, meeting his gaze unwaveringly despite its intensity.

“Levi, let L/N here have her necklace back.  I think I’ve heard all I need to for now.”

Levi didn’t flinch, didn’t hesitate, didn’t so much as give Erwin a sideways glance.  He simply pulled the necklace out of the pocket he’d stowed it in, holding it out for L/N to take.  She did so hesitantly, looking between Erwin and Levi with an unsure expression on her face, like she wasn’t sure if it was a trick or a test.

“Go back to your duties--I’m sure the rest of Levi’s squad has plenty for you to do while we make our decision,” Erwin said simply, turning to Levi and nodding towards the exit of the dungeon to signal that they were going to leave together.

“I’ll...fix the bars, first,” she said awkwardly, standing in place as they turned to leave like she didn’t know what to do with herself, necklace still in hand instead of around her neck.

She was just as socially awkward as she was sharp when she needed to be.  Underneath that timid hesitation when it came to being around people, to trying to be a part of society again, there was one hell of a strong personality.  It was like being entranced by the delicate petals atop a rose and then realizing when you wrapped your hand around its stem just how thorn-covered it actually was.

That’s what she was.  Not an enigma--a rose, one with soft but vibrant petals and leaves, but sharp thorns running all the way down the stem that wouldn’t hesitate to pierce skin and draw blood.

Erwin turned to give her a small smile, adding in the slightest nod.  “Please.  A cell with a hole in it doesn’t do us much good,” he commented humorously before leading the way for him and Levi out of the dungeon.

Now he could let himself consider everything he’d heard.  And he could already tell it was not going to be easy.

In his mind, the decision between whether or not to let her stay was made.  What was left was to process everything they’d learned and figure out how to move forward.  And in Levi’s case, how to make reparations.

Next Chapter---->

Levi Tags:  @humanitys-hottestsoldier @clary-quinn @sunny-flo​ @whalerus​  @thirstyforsometea​

Wings in the Dark Tags:  @regalillegal @animeluver23 @theshylittleelfgirl @queenthorin1 @dilucs-thighs @sociallyanxiousmouse@subtlepjiminie @hakunamatatayqueen @queenofcurse​ @linxiajei17​