#as much as i dislike the community i used to be a part of on here i never realized how much i took for granted not having to see the
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1. Anti-civ does not mean being against medicine. Every culture on the planet practices medicine, and this has been the case for as long as culture has existed. It's true that something like cancer is hard to treat without recent technology, but it's also true that we get a lot more cancer, autoimmune disorders, metabolic issues, etc now. The system that is capable of treating these problems is the same system that causes most of them in the first place.
2. The science thing is more complicated but let's get into what science even is. You can talk about science in the epistemological sense or in the institutional sense. This is definitely something a lot of anti-civ folks would not agree with me on, I'm not going to defend anyone else's opinion here. Speaking personally, my feelings on the scientific method of learning and knowing are messy but I'm not going to toss out empiricism completely. It's good to question beliefs.
Scientific institutions.... are primarily tools of the state. Certainly not all scientists or even the majority spend their time on the kinds of projects I'm talking about. But the reason science as a whole is valued is because it is used to make effective weapons and tools of control. Zooming out a little bit, I don't dislike empiricism itself, but I'm skeptical of the goal of amassing knowledge. This knowledge is part of the wealth of corporate and governmental powers and is far less useful to us than it is to them. Knowledge should be embedded within a living culture, not hoarded to be available as a means.
3. Curious to hear about the good way of making computers? My position is that even if human laborers were happy to work in mines for some reason, the mines would still be doing violence to the land. But for the sake of argument let's say there's a way to do the mining that causes minimal harm to the land. How much work do you think it would take to make one computer ethically? Do you think it would be realistic for very many people to have access to these fantastically complex tools, built in a cleanroom with machines built by machines built by machines built by machines? And again, how much space on our shared earth does this whole apparatus take up?
To be fair, I'd love to not have a phone, so in a better world where I can have a good life without one, that's at least one less that you'd need to make!
4. Which leads me to the basic hypocrisy that anti-civ folks are continually accused of. I actually don't have much of a defense to this one other than that it's difficult to live the life I want to live. I would really really really love to spend most of my time outside or in simply built shelters, never looking at a screen again. I have tried actually and I think the first issue is that it's a goal for a community, not for an individual. The community is by far the most important part and they've been systematically broken. Living alone on foraged food is still just barely possible, but it doesn't resemble the life I dream of. It's only superficially similar. The other point I want to make is that even for a community, it's damn hard to make this work in the world we live in. People are sincerely trying, and often failing, not because it's a bad way to live but because capital and civ culture will not let us. There's also some successes but the success tends to come with a lot of compromise. Still, we gotta keep trying, cause what else can we do?
5. Finally, we get to questions that I think need to be asked and don't have answers I like. How do we get there from here? Billions of people are dependent upon the system we live in functioning well. In short, you are right, there is no way for everyone to transition to non-civilized ways of living. A lot of anti-civ folks don't like to admit that. Some just live in denial and then there's the ones who actually advocate for mass death. Thankfully not that many in my experience but it's still an issue.
I certainly can't speak for anyone else and my views may not be representative of the anti-civ crowd as a whole, it's been so many years since I talked to many other anarchists so I don't know where people are at anymore and I no longer remember a lot from when I was in the scene. But let me try to elaborate a little on where I'm at personally.
I don't see a way for everyone alive now to get out of the machine and not die horribly. But as the godspeed track goes, it's also pretty clear to me that the machine is bleeding to death. It's almost certainly not going stop functioning all at once, but as the decline continues, things are going to get much worse for all of us trapped inside. Meanwhile the land and the waters have been degraded to the point where anyone who tries to escape by "living off the land" is in for a rude awakening. (This completely aside from the basic calculation that not every human would have enough space to feed themselves on our shared earth, even if our ecology was in a better condition.) Not incidentally, colonization of indigenous peoples is ongoing and anyone who remains on their ancestral land is still having to fight back attempts to force them off.
In short, we're pretty fucked. I genuinely do not understand how pro-industrial anarchists or communists think we're going to get out of this one (without mass death). In my opinion it's just as delusional as that section of anti-civ anarchists who are in denial. You can even make similar arguments that if they somehow manage to pull off a revolution, the transition is going to kill a whole lot of people because it's all quite fragile and keeping the machine running smoothly is necessary to forestall immediate catastrophe.
However, I'm actually not that bothered about a hypothetical situation where either pro-industrial ancoms or anti-civ anarchists are in that position. It just doesn't strike me as realistic enough to worry about. I cannot imagine myself ever having to make those sorts of decisions. I'm also not delusional enough to imagine that I could somehow strike at the global industrial system in a way which might bring the whole thing down and thereby cause mass death. Even if I wanted to do that, it's just larping, and I think taking that kind of thing seriously encourages people to develop unhealthy fantasies about something that will never happen. I won't theorize about how anarchists could solve these kinds of issues because it puts us in this mindset that we have to wield absolute power correctly to fix things. That's not how any of this works. The death machine has got us in this horrible position that can not possibly end well, and I can't do anything about that. Obviously don't trust anyone who has ideas about how to design the perfect world for us all to decivilize or whatever, that's completely missing the point and it's depressing how many people do think that way.
So, after all that pessimism, what do I stand for? I just want to live my life. I'd like to say that what I do doesn't have to have a purpose but that's actually not true either. I do feel like I have work to do. I think helping the people in front of me in little ways in really important, but that's not an anti-civ specific thing obviously. Maybe a more relevant thing to add is that we need to put time into the groundwork of living culture. Find ways to relate to other humans and the more than human world, because without that, there's not even a possibility of things being better. A long time ago I used to be all for "tear it down first" but I've more or less done a 180 on that. I live in the USA and right now, if the government and capitalism collapsed instantly for some unforseen reason, almost nobody would be ready to start building a better life. I'm not going to make predictions about the time scale here but I absolutely do believe that global collapse of civilization is happening, and I'm going to live with that in mind. No, it's not possible for everyone to go forage, but there are little things we can do to help heal the places we live. Maybe on the day I'm in need, there will be a fruit on the tree for me in return. The suffering of the world is truly monumental and the good I can do is so small but that makes it feel really important to start working on these things.
Hope you enjoyed the glimpse into some sort of anti-civ perspective, however different it may be from others! There are a lot more people involved in this sort of culture building work than you might think, but you won't hear from most of them since they're out doing the thing. I'm a rare case in that I know some of those people but I'm also online, at least for the moment. Might as well evangelize while I'm here.
Funny thing about that anti civ person is that like. They could just do what folks that live off the grid do, but more extreme. If you hate civilization you’re…allowed to live somewhere else. Hell since they’re so convinced in their own definition of civilization they have even more options! (Though they’ll probably be disappointed to find out first hand their definition was wrong)
I mean in a way I understand. If you truly believe that civilization is the worst thing to happen to humanity and you want the best for humanity, you will even use the tools of civilization to persuade other people to your ideas.
The thing of course is that I don't believe on that and it's so incredibly easy to point out that computers are made by, well, civilization.
I also think that to say "well go live in the woods then" is a bit rude but... honestly, if the anti-civ way of life is more rewarding, we would see more people trying to do it right? We would see people in third-world countries protesting against schools, hospitals, universities, transportation, etc. instead of wanting those, right? But instead you will find, surprisingly, that people want a better life for themselves and those who they love. And this isn't opposed to enviromental stewardship and protection, as it's often the same people who live in those places who also want enviromental protection.
It's often through organized systems, civilization, that people achieve human rights, a good life, and indeed, are able to organize how to protect nature.
It's just completely disconnected from the aspirations of most people.
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~ Batman and Robin: Year One
BRUCE COMMUNICATING??? HELLO?!
I love that, it surprised me, but I love that. Explaining to Dick that the brooding look is himself being in "Batman mode", that he doesn’t talk a lot or smile because he is focused, but that doesn't mean he is mad at him or disapproves him and his jokes. He saw that his boy was hurt by his lack of reactions so he explained it to make him understand it's not against him, it's his way of dealing with the job. He is telling him to not use his facial expressions to determine his mood, that unless he tells him it's not, things are fine.
HOWEVER, I very much dislike the "Batman is the real me" at the end. No, that's not true, this is a lie repeated way too often in Batman comics. Brucie is a mask, Batman is another mask, Bruce is the real him, the man he only shows to his family and close friends. In multiple comics, the moment Bruce thinks Batman is the real him is when he is very unwell mentally. Bruce Wayne, Murderer? has a big part of its plot around that idea. Dick punches Bruce when he affirms Bruce is not real and only Batman is, because Bruce is his father, Batman is not, he is his mentor.
~ Batman: Knightfall - Bruce refers to going at a gala "in one mask or the other", talking about Brucie and Batman. He just wants to rest, tho.
~ Bruce Wayne, Murderer? - Bruce tells some of the Batfam that he is only Batman from now on because Bruce doesn't exist, and Dick takes it very badly (later, Bruce will say he deserved the punch when Dick will try to apologise)
#batman#bruce wayne#robin#dick grayson#dc comics#my ramblings#batman and robin year one#Bruce: Batman is the real me#Dick: *starts to beat the shit out of him*
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There's a user going around currently reblogging/commenting on antiLO content with the intent of "digging up dirt" on people who simply read and enjoy the comic. Basically demanding the OP's of such posts to inform them of any 'stans' so they can add them to a 'list' that they absolutely do not have any good intentions to do with, along with making some very unsavory and completely unwarranted comments about the fans in general (and I don't mean the usual "lmao LO fans are weird/dumb/etc." stuff, I mean genuinely cruel wishes to have the fans of the comic doxxed/harmed/etc.) I have blocked this user for obvious reasons, and if you get a similar reblog or DM like I did from this person, I hope you'll do the same.
Please do not play into this. As much as I and many others talk shit about this dumpster fire of a comic and its questionable if not outright controversial writing and messaging, none of us have any right to go after any of the fans or stans directly. At best that would just be proving to the fans who already hate this part of the fandom that we're boogeymen out to get people, at worst it would be a betrayal to our own integrity as human beings who should be capable of discussing media without turning it into a harassment campaign. Making shitposts about the media and the fandom is fine, discussing the media itself and the creator who made it within our own little spaces of the Internet is ultimately harmless so long as it's managed within reason, but deliberately going out of your way to dig up personal information on innocent people within the fandom for the purpose of ruining their life is not okay and if you ever get to that point where you're trying to rationalize going after people directly, you need to log off.
#and yes this is a reminder to myself and those who enjoy my content as well#i know i'm REAL GOOD at talking shit#but i don't do what i do here with the intent of starting a mob#i'm here sharing my thoughts on media that i both like and dislike#that is not permission to go on your own justice crusade using what i do here as rationalization for your actions#i have and will continue to block anyone who comes at me with these kinds of requests to name drop people#i've done my part in the past to help protect this community from bad faith fans with bones to pick#but we have to remember to protect the community from ourselves too#idc how much you look up to me or my work here#i will absolutely not be made into some martyr for a cause i don't believe in and do not condone.#leave people alone.#lore olympus critical#anti lore olympus#lo critical
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i swear, every pride month, i end up unfollowing like close to a dozen people--including mutuals--because everyone just gets completely politically unhinged and horrible. either it is aphobia, misogyny, or antisemitism, but soooo many people just go off the rails with it. i dunno what it is about this month, but where i used to look forward to it, i've begun to absolutely dread it.
i used to love pride online because irl pride is so hostile to jews (it isn't that much better here, tbh) and i could at least participate here, but where it used to be mostly sane, it has quickly spiraled into homophobia/biphobia/aphobia, misogyny, and exploitative regressive politics where the entire point of pride is sidelined to appeal to some fucked up groups that this website loves propping up as mascots. no one on here seems capable of being normal about forgotten marginalized groups, like women, aces, and jews. it even has a lead up sometimes; the lead up this year felt like pms, my dash has been so bad the past couple weeks and today the floodgates opened. i haven't seen this much unmasked misogyny and aphobia in a long time and it is only day one. this year is gonna suck, i can just feel it.
all this to say, if i end up unfollowing you and you're a mutual, it isn't personal. i'm just getting close to my wits end
#lucky.txt#as much as i dislike the community i used to be a part of on here i never realized how much i took for granted not having to see the#brain dead and/or fucked up perverted politics of mainstream tumblr all over my dash on a daily basis. like before if i saw something#stupid i could be confident that the ten comments under the op would be saying exactly what i was thinking: ''this is dumb and wrong.''#now the ten comments under the op make me want to throw my laptop through a wall. my 'j' key doesn't even have a j on it anymore.#that is how many times i have *slammed* my finger on that button to get the atrocious things i see on this dash out of my sight as#quickly as humanly possible. i have never rolled my eyes so much in my entire life than i have in the past year on this blog. the utter#lack of critical thinking skills on mainstream tumblr is ridiculous. this website has somehow convinced people of problems#that literally do not exist irl while simultaneously denying real life oppression as being ''chronically online.'' if you make any kind of#response criticizing mainstream opinions on here you will be slapped as a 'puritan' a 'fascist' or whatever other word of the day#that is used for minorities who don't like having their rights and dignities infringed on by entitled leftists. if it weren't for the simpl#fact that i would instantly be barred from like 2/3rds of tumblr i would just go back to the old community and grit my teeth through#the bad parts. it is deeply concerning just how far gone and detached from reality so many of you are. i've said it before but#i'll say it again: i literally will never understand how this website was dubbed the ''gay feminist'' site when it is so horrifically#misogynistic and homophobic even during pride month and women's month
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i might be terrible for feeling like this. but the sheer amount of schadenfreude i have after finding out that freminet is likely going to be a shit unit is through the roof lmao
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#> from watching the zajef prerelease video on him#so i main chongyun right? that means (despite me trying to minmax even though i know my f2p damage will never measure up to spenders)#i generally don't care if the numbers are bad if a unit feels fun to play#hell even if the character is op i would be 90% less likely to use them if i didn't have fun using them (looking at you kuki)#but his kit looks like i'm not gonna enjoy it too#which leaves me with zero motivation to pull on the childe/zhongli banner now#now to watch zajef's lyney video and see if i get tempted to pull for him or if my primos will be safely stashed away for future banners#yknow. i kinda wish i mained a meta dps. or was inclined to main any of the meta dps's#quite frankly all the meta dps's gameplay bore me to death#i'm not saying this because i'm starting to dislike chongyun#i fully intend to be the most obsessive whale solely to optimize this exorcist boy far beyond the boundaries of reason#(that day is not coming anytime soon but you get the picture right? i'm still very much a ride or die for this lil guy)#i'm just tired of people calling him a shit unit. even on r/popsiclemains ppl call him suboptimal or subpar#i know all of those things are true#but it's not surprising that hearing it basically every single time he's mentioned is going to take its toll eventually either,is it?#this is why i just don't bother trying to be part of any community. with any kind of media,i'm someone whom ppl would say has “bad taste”#i just wish chongyun had a niche but still decent playstyle that he's unarguably the best at#being the best shatter dps is not it since shatter's numbers are basically terrible no matter what you do#if they somehow buff shatter in fontaine (since freminet's kit wants to shatter) then maybe i'll make it my main playstyle. but yeah...#the only times i bring out my shatter team are when fighting against pyro/electro enemies,or farming mushrooms#i guess it'd be nice to have zhongli since layla does disrupt reactions that i want chong to be the one proccing#but i just don't feel like breaking my back for yet another 5 star after how long it took to get kokomi#and he's basically guaranteed a rerun in natlan anyway so yeah...#i'm gonna be honest. now that i have kokomi,my motivation to pull for anyone else is almost nonexistent#maybe nilou so i can use kokomi as a driver. but other than her... unless natlan characters are really fucking cool#besides albedo and venti,i don't think i'll ever pull for a new 5 star ever again#after those three i'd only be pulling for vertical investment#or begrudgingly pulling for utility like zhongli
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how to start reading again
from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.
start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.
don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.
go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.
remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)
analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.
read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.
finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.
try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.
forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.
remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!
stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.
#louisa-gc#academia#studyblr#aesthetic#book#books#reading#read#advice#help#university#study#uni#library#bibliophile#it girl#that girl#habits#booktok#booktube#bookstagram
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#2 Astrology Observations.
"If you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection." -Lacrae Moore
Saturn, Chiron in the 2H can struggle with insecurities and anxiety, have a low sense of self worth. They can also have financial problems and be prone to sore throats or other neck related problems. These people need to find stability in their dignity and material security, they have to attain self worth & respect through their own efforts rather than seeking validation from external sources. It's like, no matter how many things you buy, anything that is outside of you won't guarantee you more confidence or happiness. There's a fear, restriction, trauma around money, overspending and values (your values physical or not and your dignity).
People with Uranus in the 3H may forget to: think before speak, study, communicate with others like neighbors, siblings or cousins, may forget to be overall more social.
Aquarius Lilith might be reluctant in self expression, might feel ashamed or hesitant in truly being themselves because of past experiences where they might have been ridiculed for their unconventional ideas or way of being, and people being too judgy towards them and that could've scarred them. As a consequence, they could feel like an "alien" and tend to hide being themselves because they might feel shameful of that. For example: Aquarius Lilith in the 3H may be shy or quiet, problems with communication skills, they maybe used to be expressive and social but they were shamed for it so they experienced being silenced and made fun of their interests too, made fun off of their / by their siblings, cousins or neighbors, avoidant of talking too much, insecure when talking or standing up for themselves.
Mercury in Taurus, Scorpio, Pisces and Cancer may have a singer-like voice, fluid voice too for the water signs.
Sun in 8H might have faced trauma related with male figures in your life and also have an absent father, physically or emotionally.
Natives with Libra, Taurus, Venus in the 12H might prefer keeping their relationships and their romantic partners a secret, and keeping secret their self care and healing as well. They can also keep their crushes secret, not even telling to their friends or family. They might also like to gatekeep where they buy their clothes, make-up, skincare products from or just not show off these things. They can also prefer keeping their money, income, financial status a secret and not boast too much about it, their possessions or valuable things. This placement can also mean you often have people who have secretly a crush on you but they'll probably never say it / hardly admit it.
People with Moon, Cancer, Venus, Libra in the 12H, 8H and 6H can be queer, part of LGBTQ.
Moon in Aries people can be impulsive, have a hard time controlling their feelings like they're a volcano, their emotions can be explosive. They're the kind of people to go crazy over the smallest inconvenience.
Mercury in Scorpio or 8H can make natives interested in or like doing research about the occult, dark topics or other taboo things that don't have to necessarily be like the previously mentioned.
Taurus, Libra Risings or Venus in 1H is an indicator of beauty. They can have a very harmonious, symmetrical face.
Capricorn / Saturn in the 12H are karmically protected, as well as natives ruled by Saturn. As a side note, I would beware hurting or messing with people who have Saturn in 6H, 8H and 12H, and again especially those ruled by Saturn at the same time. But usually those who do them wrong are most of the times supposed to learn a lesson, that's Karma.
Venus in Aquarius can dislike it when their admirers are overly obsessive or expressive of their love for them. It can feel uncomfortable for them especially as a first impression.
Moon in the 6H or in Virgo too much overthinking and being overly anxious or emotional that it becomes an actual obstacle hindering them from daily life tasks, stress or too much negativity can manifest as health problems for these people. They could feel so much that they start getting stomachaches, headaches etc.
Saturn in 5H / Leo or 7H / Libra can be either hopeless romantics or just less interested in romance. Their love life can be very dry and not have much of that. Delay in marriage, may happen later on in life.
#astroblr#astro community#astrology community#mutuals#astrology#aquarius lilith#venus#saturn#5th house#7th house#taurus#moon#6th house#12th house#8th house
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silence immersed the room as the door clicked shut behind you. the ticking clock a reminder of how little time you have.
“you’re such an asshole, you know that?” you spewed to the male in front of you, your features displaying a look of anger.
katsuki rolled his eyes. “well, it’s not like i get called a ray of fuckin’ sunshine. what else did you honestly expect?” he crossed his arms over his chest, taking a seat atop of the long metal table.
“not much, yet you still seem to subceed my expectations.”
“subceed? seriously?” katsuki paused to let a scoff escape his lips. “you’re upset because i’m actually selling this story? the only one, might i add. this was your shitty grand idea!”
unknowingly, you took a step forward.
“the idea was to make it known we disliked each other. not for you to publicly shame and insult me!”
you, katsuki and a few other heroes were invited to attend a press conference. while the original topic was to discuss about the mission you all completed the day before, the topic began to stray away and focus on the relationship between you and katsuki.
japan knows of the hatred you and katsuki shared between each other, that was no unknown fact. the media described you two as fiery rivals considering both of your quirks contained fuel.
you two despised each other. or at least that’s the lie you fooled everyone with.
you were unsure when katsuki started to look appealing to the eye, how attractive he was when he was drowned in sweat, how you began to long for the small but noticeable glances he sent you in public. you couldn’t tell when it happened. but before you knew it, a small pool of desire that had katsuki’s name printed on it began to fill every minute of the day.
“which is no different than what we used to do. you want them to believe it? then don’t take my shit. suck it up and be a bigger asshole than i already am.” he was right. you know he was right. but it was so difficult to pretend as if you hated him.
even if you called him a bitch, or a cunt, maybe even call him out for having a small dick—which you know is far from the truth—that still wouldn’t deny the peace you felt whenever you were with katsuki. how the world seemed to stop still on its axis. how there were no rain, wind or time. just pure bliss.
fuck.
out of everyone, it just had to be him? his captivating, intense ruby irises. his brash, abrasive demeanor. only his words that could seem to sway you. the man the world deemed you to abhor.
instead of admitting the truth, you twist his words. “well, i’m pleased to know it’s so easy for you to do.”
“jesus fuck, y/n.” now, katsuki rose from his position, never once breaking eye contact with you. “you think this is easy for me? you think i like getting up there and lying through my teeth? doing this is the one of the hardest things i’ve ever done.”
he walks closer and even closer to you, minimizing the distance you established for good reasons. this is how it always happens; one of you forgets about the space you two have to maintain until words don’t seem to work anymore. instead, your lips weave together, forming a new way to communicate.
but you don’t move. you don’t want to.
“is it? all those insults feels like it comes pretty smooth to you.”
katsuki pauses as he takes a second to analyze you. his eyes scan your body then leading right up to your face.
“because those are the words i wish i could mean. every time, it burns me to say those things about you when i’d rather be up there claiming every single part about you.” he lowered to a whisper, but his voice maintained a fervent tone.
his hand raises, slow and steady. he cups your cheek, gently swiping his thumb across your cheek. instinctively, you lean into his palm, your eyes softening as you gaze into his eyes.
“you think i enjoy this?” you watch his jaw tighten, his hand dropping to your hip. “think i like watching you talk with those eager men? it takes everything in me to not beat them shitless for daring to come across you. do you know how hard it is to fight the urge to pull you in and show them that you’re not available?”
too captivated by his words, you didn’t notice how katsuki lowered his head. you could feel the heat of his body from how he gave you no room to breathe. he placed his lips on your soft skin, slowly kissing the side of your neck.
no. resist him. your mind was screaming. this couldn’t go on forever. at some point, you guys had to stop.
“what will make them back off? if i mark you up? think they’ll understand then?” he proposed the question, but to you, it seemed more like he was asking for permission.
you didn’t know what effect katsuki placed on you to have you like this. but in this moment, you didn’t care about the rumors, the consequences, your image. it was all pushed back in the back of your head. so, you slightly tilted your head upwards, giving him more leeway to continue.
katsuki gripped your hips. not too strong to leave a mark but strong enough to squeeze a small moan out of you.
“don’t you fuckin’ understand, y/n?” he leans away to look in your eye.
“what?” you meekly responded.
“i go insane when it comes to you. i’m not the kind of guy that drools over any woman’s attention. but, you… fuck.” he stops himself, from what you can only assume was to control himself with whatever he was about to say. “not being able to have you only makes me crave you more.”
you stay quiet.
“you know how many times i’ve tried to resist you?”
“how many?” finally, you spoke.
“too many fuckin’ times. i’m done fighting it, y/n.”
confusion struck your face. “what do you mean?”
“be mine. forget the press, forget our pr managers. be with me.” katsuki brings you closer with the hand placed on your hip, the action drawing you to one conclusion.
he leans in and interlocks his lips with yours. immediately, you drown in the feeling of his soft but chapped lips that you couldn’t seem to push away. somehow, you find the strength to pull back from him.
“not here. not in pub-”
“yes here.”
with his tone, you could mistake him to be aggressive in this moment. but over the months, you managed to be able to read his eyes from the forbidden glances he’s sent your way; how he really felt through the way he wore his eyes.
katsuki’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed, his soft ruby eyes shifted from your lips to your e/c irises.
there was a look behind his eyes. there were more watchful, more tender than usual. almost as if he was pleading with his eyes. like he was begging.
so, how could you say no to him in this state? him being so vulnerable with you?
but that was always the problem.
you could never say no to katsuki bakugou, no matter what.
your arms wrap around his neck, drawing him in with your eyes. he inclined his head and laid his lips on your mouth. the silence that did wrap the room ten minutes ago was replaced with the noise of sloppy kisses, your mouths powering over each other.
you can feel your heart rate increase from the action, even more noticeably so when he entangles a fist in the back of your shirt. he needs you closer, maybe within his skin if possible.
following his action, you guide your fingers through his ash blonde strands, sending a shiver down his spine. he nibbles on the bottom of your lip, pulling it just slightly.
“we really shouldn’t be doing this.” your murmur, yet his ears catches it. “this would be the hottest topic for the media.”
a snicker parted his lips. “we just can’t be caught. but the day you stop being scared, i’m ready.” his words vague and simple, yet still holding so much promise.
“i hate you.”
and you did. you hated that he was too enticing. too irresistible.
“thought it was hard for you to say things you don’t mean?” he referred from earlier. of course, that was just like him. the same him you mistakenly fell for.
“just shut up.” was all you replied with before leaning back in to connect his lips with yours, choosing to help him with your statement.
this was supposed to be like a forbidden love trope but i think i just revealed how thirsty i am😔
#bakugou katsuki#bakugou smut#bakugou x reader#bnha#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou#bnha x reader#katsuki bakugo mha#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugo fluff#katsuki bakugo my hero academia#katsuki bakugo imagine#katsuki x you#katsukibakugou#katsuki bakugou#my hero academia bakugou#mha bakugou#bakugo katuski#bakugou fluff#bakugou x you#bakugou x y/n#ao3 bakugou#katsuki smut#katsuki x y/n#my hero academia#mha bakugo katsuki#mha x reader#mha#bakugou x reader angst
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trod au ramble u can ignore
when i say slowburn in an enemies to friends to lovers for Trod I mean slowburn. 300k before Narinder even openly admits he cares for the Lamb, and Lamb actually opens up more than just a shield of positivity and another 100k of character growth, drama, complicated intricacies of grief and anger to communication. The Lamb has boundaries and sticks by them constantly in trod, they're not a pushover, but they don't blow up and react in explosive anger the same way that Narinder does and they are mistaken for soft by him for it, when it's him having to be the one who is constantly re-evaluating his priorities and his behavior because the lamb isn't taking shit from him, despite patience and love, and he's put in this position where he's allowing the grief and the hurt to keep hurting himself and the Lamb in the process, until he risks losing them and Narinder makes the active decision to work on himself. They HAD a healthy, wonderful friendship before, he cared for them. He still does. He wishes he didn't but god he still does.
but i dislike when characters do one change or have one realization and suddenly they're super nice. no I want them to be continuously complex. I want their bad habits and miscommunication to not instantly or quickly disappear, I want continuous effort from the wronger. do you hear me. CONTINUOUS EFFORT. that means a character fucking up again and again and relasping and changing and cursing and being like well he doesn't need to be any different because its not his fault then going back and being like. no. it was my fault. i am wronged and I am the wronger. i need complexities. Let us not forget the definition of 'enemy' in the enemies to friends to lovers here. if they start off soft then where is the growth. Where is the room for growth I want. Where is it.
they get to the processing of emotions they haven't allowed themselves to feel properly for centuries to take this friendship gone sour by betrayal, plagued by anger and hurt to something slowly blooming back into trust and care and soft until eventually its this healthy love of these uberly overpowered pair of gods
Trod bad end is when Narinder just speed runs the 'rehabilitation' part of the rehabilitation of death' and it circles back to him going feral in the head. Still an asshole? okay your lamb is gone. regret your pride and ego because the patient love you were afforded is gone forever and the last memory you gave them was not the love you could have given them but it will be the love that destroys mortality to get them back.
amnesia au Narinder is just happy to be here. no betrayal, no angst. eventually when his memory does return and he gets caught pretending he doesn't remember just so he can be sweet to them without his pride in the way will force a conversation that will essentially fix the horrific communication these two have. speedrun trod x2
Current Trod Narinder is a emo angsty bastard who's rightfully hurt at being imprisoned and (in his heart) betrayed by someone he trusted dearly (again) while Post-Trod Narinder is still a feral bastard but with truly un-constipated, true equal love for the Lamb that wears a wedding ring made of his own blood to the tune of 'i miss my wife tails' and got a praise kink
but if its not absolute hell getting to that point then WHAT IS THE POINT
and all these are mostly about Narinder but don't even get me started on the Lamb's issues. That sheep thang is hiding shit.
Except I can't talk about the Lamb's hiding issues Too Much yet unless you've been in my art streams and have seen some of my comics, then IYKYK but aaaaaaaaaaUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHG
#hi i feel like rambling about au today#cw for suggestive joke#feeling cute might delete this later#sara shush#trod au#the rehabilitation of death#writings#<for tag sorting
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I think a big part of the reason that I went from anti-endo to endo-safe was absolutely due to how starkly different the communities felt.
Anti-endo communities were hard to engage with. Sure, some of them would focus on their support for each other more than their hatred of endogenic systems. And that's great! However, when you are brought together by your dislike of a certain group, you can't help but feel the hate permiate into so much of it. It always happened eventually. Anti-endo communities had such a focus on systems who were "fake" that I couldn't help but worry I was one of them, no matter how much they told me it was "just endos" they were concerned about.
The endo community (at least the parts I've engaged with and were easy to find) were so kind and respected me as a system, no matter how I felt or my plurality presented. Simply knowing we could find joy in our plurality allowed us to strive for so much more than we had thought possible before.
As a traumagenic system, we've improved so much with our symptoms and communication as a result of the positivity and acceptance we recieved. When we joined communities where we could be authenticallly ourselves (no matter what), we came together and faced so much less conflict between each other. And the conficts we did have, we realized that we could solve them together rather than alone.
When you are constantly doubting if you are "actually a system", you start to push the others away, and that made our dissociation and amnesia so much worse. I understand being careful of self-misdiangnosis, it can put you on the wrong path for how you learn to manage your symptoms. At the same time, the sentiment I often heard from endogenic systems when I was struggling with doubt and denial was very simple: "So what if you're not a system?" In short, it was okay to be wrong.
And that was huge for me. I realized that, no matter if I was a system or not, the techniques I used to improve ourselves and communicate with one another beneficial to me. At the end of the day, even if I wasn't a system after all, the skills I had found we invaluble to my health and well-being. So when I fall into denial spirals, no matter what I think about myself, I now know that I don't need to deprive myself of what has helped me, even if it is a "system thing." I don't feel scared to use these skills anymore (even in denial spirals), beacuse the line between what systems and non-systems or singlets can/can't do suddenly wasn't a big deal or a battle of "who can do what."
Our plurality is no longer a burden or a scar to us. It is simply who we are. We've learned so much about each other and ourselves since we've been accepted in full, and since we've learned to accept others. Endogenic communities have helped us (a traumagenic system) probably more than they'll ever know, and we're forever grateful for that.
So thank you, endogenic systems.
#actually plural#plural#plural system#plurality#pluralgang#original post#it's late so if anyone could warn us of spelling errors we would appreciate it#endo safe#endogenic safe
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Bro no one hates jews for ethnicity, news are hated for faith.
If you are an atheist "jew", no one gives a shit about you.
Stop pretending to be a victim and trying to appropriate antisemitic struggles.
I'll address these point by point.
Jewish readers, please share your thoughts!
You wrote: "No one hates Jews for ethnicity, [J]ews are hated for faith."
"Hitler...defined the Jews as a race and not a religious community, characterized the effect of a Jewish presence as a “race-tuberculosis of the peoples,” and identified the initial goal of a German government to be discriminatory legislation against Jews."
[Source]
More here
As David Baddiel put it, "I'm an atheist, but that would get me no free passes out of Auschwitz."
The Jews are a people. Judaism is the traditional religion of that people. A Jew who does not engage with that religion does not cease to be a Jew by Jewish definitions OR by antisemitic definitions.
You wrote: "If you are an atheist Jew, nobody gives a shit about you."
First, see above.
Second, you're incorrectly assuming that a Jewish atheist is not engaged with Judaism.
Here's the thing:
Judaism isn't necessarily theistic.
Let's set aside the explicitly non-theistic movement of Humanistic Judaism for a moment (huge topic for another time) and just talk briefly about theism in Judaism.
Most kinds of Judaism, while certainly encouraging faith, do not require it. There are no thought crimes in Judaism, no crucibles of faith, and no requirements that one announce or perform proof of belief for witnesses. Those things are often parts of Christianity and Islam, but in Judaism...not so much.
In Jewish thought, it is not what you believe about metaphysics which lifts you up, ennobles you, improves you, or makes the world a better place. In Judaism, you pursue those things by how you behave.
Sola fide is a Christian concept which Judaism does not share. Judaism is a profoundly existential religion with ethics which are overwhelmingly humanist.
I was raised in Reform and Conservative congregations...and non-theistic/atheistic/humanistic views were very common there.
When I was studying to become Bar Mitzvah, our congregation's Rabbi made crystal clear to me that there was no contradiction between my identity as a Jew and my inability to swallow the idea of an anthropomorphic, sapient, interventionist God who cared at all about petitionary prayer. He felt that wrestling with God was a very Jewish thing to do. He introduced me to Maimonides' apophatic theology. Decades later, I'm still grateful.
Many Jews pray, I believe, not to be heard by God, but so they can hear their own hearts and minds. This is why kavanah is important and why I disliked (and still dislike) prayer-by-rote and rituals performed for the sake of ritual. It's more mindfulness meditation than petitionary prayer.
There's a famous Hasidic story, recorded by philosopher Martin Buber in his "Tales of the Hasidim," about how Judaism views atheism:
The Master teaches that God created everything the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson.
One clever student asks "What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?"
The Master responds "God created atheists teach us the most important lesson of them all- the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in Goda at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right."
"This means," the Master continued "that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say 'I pray that God will help you.' Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say 'I will help you."
You wrote: "Stop pretending to be a victim and trying to appropriate antisemtic struggles."
I invite other Jews to advise if I have appropriated anything which is not mine.
Your opinion, though? Your view, as a non-Jew, about what is or isn't Jewish? On what is or is not mine in my heritage? Your claim, framed by your obvious and absolute ignorance of my life, my family's history, Jewish history, Jewish theology, and Jewish philosophy, that I have not experienced antisemitism and am "appropriating?"
I don't have a single fuck to give about any of that, and neither does any other Jew
Still, thank you for the writing prompt. It helps to crystalize my own thinking and provides an opportunity to educate.
#jumblr#hate mail#Racial antisemitism#antisemitism#Atheism#Humanistic Judaism#Maimonides#Apophatic theology#Jewblr#jewish tumblr
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i was banned late in 2022 for what the moderators told me was "hate speech". in my last post before the ban took place i'd called myself a tranny (i had been doing for months admittedly). i guess self-referential use of a slur could be framed as "hate speech" if you really wanted to police a group's speech. besides that i'd very recently expressed my dislike of all the associations centered around venerating american veterans and the conspirational origins of the "MIA" flag. "veteran status" is a protected identity under tumblr's community guidelines, which i think is as patently ridiculous as it sounds to anyone who is not from the US.
but those are just guesses. for all i know it could've been something else. i can't know for certain because i didn't receive any warnings or strikes prior to the ban. they refused to cite the offending post when i pressed them on it, and they didn't follow-up on my emails when i asked them again. they just said my whole blog violated the community guidelines. how? that's the kinda absurd part about using this website for an extended period of time (i had had that account for almost 5 years). any trans woman who is mildly public or vocal about their opinions when those opinions relate to her personhood is subjected to a torrent of hate speech. radfems were much more prominent back then, which gave the impression that this site's moderation was very lax. but when i was banned my account was deleted in one swift stroke, with no reference to what the offending content was, no previous warnings, and thus no means to reasonably try to contest it. i still don't know if I actually violated the community guidelines or not. no other social media does this. and one can argue tumblr is *relatively* more stringent about hate speech which impacts trans people than it was in 2022, but it's still a terrible practice. because people who might've been falsely banned due to an antagonistic moderator targeting a popular blog for personal reasons, something we know to have occurred with transmisoginistic actors in the past, that staff themselves have admitted happened, however briefly, have no means to prove it happened to them and end up just sounding like conspiracy theorists.
even if they claim they've rooted out the problem and their moderation team is "better" the complete lack of transparency makes it impossible to prove trans women aren't being targeted
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[“Coming out was very lonely. I had very few friends. Most of the adult lesbians I knew were alcoholics, chronically unemployed, prone to violence, self-hating, apolitical, closeted, cliquish. Lesbians hated each other. If you found a lover you stopped going to the bar because you could not trust other lesbians; they would try to break up your relationship. My first woman lover went into the military, where she turned in other lesbians so she would not be exposed. One of my dyke friends got a job as a supervisor in a cabinet-making company and refused to hire lesbians because, she said, they were unreliable employees who were disliked by the other workers. The only thing that seemed worse to me than the apolitical lesbian community I came out in was the strangulation of pretending to be straight. I came out only because I could not go back; there was no place for me to stand in the het world. I was driven out.
Moving to San Francisco improved things somewhat. There was more public lesbian space there—six bars instead of one. But it did not alleviate the loathing with which my family viewed me. Nor was San Francisco in the early seventies any sort of gay utopia. We had no gay-rights law, queer bashing was a frequent event, and everyone had lost at least one job or been denied a place to live. It was a relief to be surrounded by other lesbian feminists, but only to a point. Bar dykes and feminists still had contempt for one another. Feminism rapidly became a way to reconstitute sexual prudery, to the point that it seemed to me that bar dykes were actually more accepting of and knowledgeable about the range of behavior that constituted lesbianism. In the bars or in the women’s movement, separatism was pretty much mandatory, if you didn’t want to get your ass kicked or be shunned. Separatism deteriorated into a rationalization for witch hunts in the lesbian community rather than a way for women to bond with one another and become more powerful activists. The lesbian community of that decade did terrible things to bi women, transgender people, butch/femme lesbians, bar dykes, dykes who were not antiporn, bisexual and lesbian sex workers, fag hags, and dykes who were perceived as being perverts rather than über-feminists. We were so guilty about being queer that only a rigid adherence to a puritanical party line could redeem us from the hateful stereotypes of mental illness and sexual debauchery.
What did I gain? I came a little closer to making my insides match my outsides, and that was no small blessing. The first time I met other dykes I recognized a part of myself in them, and knew I would have to let it out so I could see who I was. For a time, being a lesbian quieted my gender dysphoria because it made it possible for me to be a different kind of woman. That was an enormous relief.
For a long time, I hoped that by being strong, sexually adventurous, and sharpening my feminist consciousness, I could achieve a better fit between my body and the rest of me. Lesbianism was a platform from which I could develop a different sort of feminism, one that included a demand for sexual freedom and had room for women of all different erotic proclivities. I had a little good sex and discovered that I was not a cold person, I could love other people. It was as a lesbian that I began to find my voice as a writer, because in the early days of the women’s movement, we valued every woman’s experience. There was a powerful ethic around making it possible for every woman to speak out, to testify, to have her say. But there were always these other big pieces of my internal reality that lesbianism left no room for.
The first big piece of cognitive dissonance I had to deal with, in my second coming out, was S/M. I date my coming out as a leather dyke from two different decisions. One was a decision to write down one of my sexual fantasies, the short story that eventually became “Jessie.” At the time I wrote the rough draft of that story, I had never tied anybody up or done anything else kinky. I was terribly blocked as a writer. I kept beginning stories and poems that I would destroy. I have no idea if they were any good or not. My self-loathing was so intense, my inner critic so strong, that I could not evaluate my own work.
So I decided to write this one piece, under the condition that I never had to publish it or show it to another person. I just wanted to tell the truth about one thing. And I was badly in need of connecting with my own sexuality since I was in the middle of what would be a five-year relationship with a woman who insisted we be monogamous, but refused to have sex with me. So I wrote about dominance and submission, the things I fantasized about when I masturbated that upset me so much I became nauseated. Lightning did not strike. As I read and reread my own words, I thought some of them were beautiful. I dared show this story to a few other people. Some of them hated it. Some of them were titillated. Nobody had ever seen anything like it before. The story began to circulate in Xerox form, lesbian samizdat. I found the strength to defend my story when I was told it was unspeakable or wildly improbable.
In October of 1976, I attended a lesbian health conference in Los Angeles and went to a workshop there about S/M. In order to go to a workshop, you had to sign a registration sheet. I was harassed by dykes who were monitoring this space to see who dared sign up for that filthy workshop. On my way, I had to walk through a gauntlet of women who were booing and hissing, calling names, demanding that the workshop be canceled, threatening to storm the room and kick us all out of the conference. The body language and self-calming techniques I had learned when I had to deal with antigay harassment on the street came in very handy, but how odd it was to be using those defenses against the antagonism of other dykes. Their hatred felt like my mother’s hatred. I am so glad I did not let it stop me.
When I got home from that workshop, I knew that I was not the only one. Not only were there other lesbians who fantasized about sadomasochism, there were women who had done these things with each other. I decided to come out again. If there were other leather dykes in San Francisco, they had to be able to find me, so I had to make myself visible. This meant that I often did not get service at lesbian bars, or I was asked to leave women-only clubs and restaurants. I was called names, threatened, spit at. I got hate mail and crank calls. But I also found my tribe. And because I had already experienced my first coming out, I knew we were not going to be an ideal, happy family. I could be more patient with our dysfunctions, and see them as the result of being scared, marginalized, kicked around. Being a leather dyke took me another step closer to dealing with my gender issues. I could experiment with extreme femme and extreme butch drag; take on a male persona during sex play. I gave up separatism because I needed to take support from any place where it was available. Gay men already had a thriving leather culture, and I wanted to learn from them. I also wanted to have sex with them. It still wasn’t okay as far as lesbian feminism was concerned to be bisexual, to be transgendered, but I could bring those folks into my life and make alliances with them. I could defend them in print. There was even more good sex, and people who loved me and received my love despite the fact that it was dangerous for us to show ourselves to one another. I faced my sexual shadow, and she bowed to me and then danced beautifully in profile against the white walls of my consciousness. My writer’s voice was unlocked.”]
pat califa, from layers of the onion, spokes of the wheel, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000
#pat califa#bi literature#lesbian literature#trans literature#history stuff#gender stuff#terra preta
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Instant Crush
Synopsis: Your families arranged for you to marry each other and boost their companies, they just didn't know you were declared enemies since childhood. Now you're living on the same roof and sharing a bed, you still have to keep up appearances for your parents so they won't suspect that you hate each other. But now after months together, you begin to feel desire for him, and you hate the thoughts that are now invading your head.
Words: 1,3 k
Content: female reader, enemies to lovers, oblivous to love trope, arranged marriage.
Part 1 here
Part 2 here
part 3 here
You were arranged in a marriage with a soon to be CEO, Gojo Satoru, who also happened to be your childhood enemy. It has been months and you were still trying to settle in his presence, he was everywhere you go, he knew everyone you knew, and besides, you have to share a bed. so your plans to pretend he didn't exist in your life were long ago tossed aside.
And now you found yourself with your back to each other trying to ignore his excessive talking.
Everyday before you could even try to sleep, he would ramble about the most obnoxious things, he knew you got irritated every time, that's why started doing it religiously. Today was no different, the minute you went to your room, he followed, and started his monologues. Until they stopped, you thought he finally gave up and slept.
“When are you planning to finally let me in?” he whispered in an annoyed tone. You didn't bother to answer, closing your eyes shut as a communication you don't want to talk to him. You felt the weight of the mattress shift and his hot breath in the back of your neck.
“What do you mean?” you let on in a false tired tone, still not facing him.
“Oh y/n. Don't play innocent with me. You know exactly what I mean. but if you want to deny the pleasure of my presence, then who am I to say otherwise?” he whispered in your ear in a condescending tone. You finally turn to face him.
As you face him, you see a smug smile on his face, his eyes sparkling false playfulness. You could feel your cheeks burning hot, be it by anger, or something else.
“Look who finally decided to face me! couldn't hold yourself longer huh? admit y/n you just can't hold yourself any longer” he said as he grabbed your chin without much tenderness. “i can see it in your eyes, that fucking desire” he spat the last words letting go of your face.
“There is nothing to deny. I have my reason to not want anything to do with you”
Gojo smirks got even wider as he said, leaning closer to you, his voice lower and seductively in your ear. “I do love a challenge, I'll make you surrender to me. I know you want me just as much as I want you.”
“Want me?” you lower your voice to match his. “I thought we shared the same hatred, why this neediness all of a sudden?” a mocking tone leaving your lips.
Gojo doesn't say anything for a moment, his eyes burning holes in your face. You see a hint of vulnerability in him quickly dismissed by his natural arrogance.
“Neediness? I think you misunderstood. I simply want what is mine.” you raise an eyebrow at him. “The difference between us is that I don't deny that I want you.”
“Is that all you want from me?” you try to contain yourself, but the words escape faster than your conscience.
“No. I want so much more. I want all of you. your mind, your body, your soul. I want to possess you.” Gojo leans over to get on top of you, leaving you nowhere to go, and nowhere to look besides his gorgeous face. “ I want to know you better, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and how I can help to fulfill them. I need you not just carnally but-”
before he can finish you crash your lips together, if it's in a way to shut him up or feel him.
He returned the kiss as eager as you, until you separated your lips, returning to your initial position with your back to him.
“What? What are you doing?”He asked, genuinely surprised.
“Preparing myself to sleep you should do that too.” you said, trying to suppress a smile as you hid your face on the pillow.
“I can't sleep now with the tent set up!”
“You can always use your hand. Good night.” you finally closed your eyes hoping the sleep would come faster despite the stir of feelings inside you.
You felt Gojo adjusting himself on the bed, despite his frustration you couldn't help but let your lips form a smile. You wouldn’t give yourself so easily, no matter how much you wanted, and you wanted so much you could feel it in your stomach, that pit turning and aching to be wrapped around him. You still hated him… maybe… maybe it was just indifference now, right? Otherwise why would you want him so badly inside you like you do? Maybe it’s just the heat of the moment that just happened. Or maybe it’s his shirtless frame lying beside you… his toned back so perfectly you could see his muscles, his shoulders so broad that it made you feel a tingle…
You shake the thoughts away, blinking and sighing, focusing to clear your mind and finally sleep. But you couldn’t, you just couldn’t stop to imagine how he looked without his pants… and without his boxers too.
You groan in frustration and turn around in bed, pressing the pillow hardly against your head.
“What now?” He mutters beside you, still in his position with his back to you.
“Nothing. Go to sleep.”
He huffs and closes his eyes again, frustrated with you. His hardness hadn’t diminished yet, and he was still hurting hot and fighting the urges to just flip you and enter your wetness. But he fought the horniness on his mind, instead thinking of thoughts of his father that made his skin crawl and his organs twist in disgust, just so he could sleep peacefully and without a boner staining his pants. But then he hears you sigh and turn on you back again, and the soft sound leaving your lips only makes his hardness increase.
“Can’t you stay quiet? Sleep in silence? huh?” He mutters frustrated, more with himself than with you.
You huff again and press your legs tighter together, trying to stop the wetness on your panties. You look at him and lean to support your body weight with your elbow.
He senses you moving again, and gives you a side eye.
“What’s your problem now?” You ask, sensing his frustration and impatience.
“You.”
“Me? What did I do now?” You feel your own frustration rising.
“You can’t stop moving, and leaving soft sounds in your mouth, it’s driving me insane!”
You just look at him with parted lips, all you want now is to sit on his lap and ride him until your lungs and legs break. But instead you sit straight and run your palm over your face. You’re frustrated with yourself and the feelings swirling inside you. You never had felt like this to anyone else, and why did you have to feel like this for him?
You look sheepishly to him, admiring his strong arms and cursing yourself for it. You reach a hand to his arm and caress it softly. You feel him tense and look at you with wide eyes, and you realize what you just did. You retrieve your hand from him and mutter an apology but before you can but you hand back in your laps he takes it, and places it on his arm again.
“Keep doing that.” he mutters and closes his eyes.
So you keep rubbing his arm while you make yourself comfortable in bed again. The soothing of his skin makes your fire rise even further, but you try to brush it away. It’s too early to give in. And besides, you wouldn’t be the first to give in to these feelings.
You keep rubbing his arms soothingly and close your eyes, your face almost completely pressed against his toned back, your hot breathing warming his skin. And you swear you could stay like this forever, just pressed against his back and feeling his warmth, you hated the fact that you wanted him, and hated the fact that you hated it. You sigh and close your eyes again, you know that you won’t be able to push the thoughts away, that you can’t keep pretending to hate him forever, but still… you still have to keep the facade, you won’t give in to lust just yet.
#jjk headcanons#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#art#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#gojo smut#jujustu kaisen#geto suguru#satoru gojo#jujutsu gojo#gojo satoru headcanons#gojo headcanons#jujustsu kaisen smut#smut#fic#fluff#enemies to lovers#slow burn#oblivious to love#x reader#toji fushiguro smut
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i could talk a lot about the reasons that i think vox machina as pcs is actually a perfect insertion into the c3 narrative right now but the one that’s really sticking out to me is the diversity in the opinions on the gods that the party has and the lack of influence their individual opinions have on their commitment to save the world. because with bh they’re all pretty ambivalent or anti-god with fcg and now braius being outliers, but both of those cases are still very unique and particular ones: fcg had his cleric powers prior to his religiosity and so it was largely just about the personal meaning he found in the changebringer but he still ended up having divine exchanges with her and braius is in the fjord stone school of being a willing child of god divorce. and with those of bh who dislike the gods it’s for completely valid reasons with completely invalid application of their personal woes to a universal scale. but in vox machina we see the way that experience with people that the gods matter to beyond just the magical exchange and experience with the weight that denying the rise of a new betrayer left on the shoulders of the gods they aided. i have to say that beyond the fact that i am just fond of vox machina as a party, it is also incredibly refreshing to see people who have diverse opinions about the gods but also actually engaged with opinions (a word which here refers to taking seriously, and not using confirmation bias) beyond those of their insular party.
a while ago ashton with his insistently short sight said he’d like to see the gods pray to mortals — something they’ve always been doing and is in fact a definitive part of their established metaphysical status in exandria — and vox machina is taking on the role in the c3 narrative of proving (once again) that has been the case, but they differ from bh because where bh (as a group) tends to deny the pleas from the gods unless it already serves or proves what they’ve assumed to be true about the world and the gods, vm (as a gorup) took seriously that the gods might have something new to introduce to them. i mean that’s obvious in scanlan and vex, both of whom became champions of gods they hadn’t really even considered in a serious vein prior to speaking to them. and scanlan very much takes on the label of ioun’s champion as a job to be fulfilled in the specific battle, but with vex being pelor’s champion has more significant weight tied to whitestone becoming her home and the fact that she belongs to a community that does, very much, take seriously the symbolic and literal power of the dawn, and she admits she hadn’t really realized the people-ness of the gods themselves until she met the everlight and the dawnfather.
but from the very same community, with a more historical basis in it, we get percy, who is very much uninterested in gods, until of course he might find value in an exchange with them. or, in one of my favourite moments from percy, until he is given hope that his family still exists somewhere beyond his memory of them, even if bound in the divine books of a god that calls him out on his selfish habits. vox machina also has keyleth who is pretty anti-god, not to the degree of ‘let’s kill them’ that we’ve seen in bh, but even when facing them directly, she wasn’t subtle about how little she cares for them, especially when offset by the people that matter much more to her. vm has pike who is the spearhead of the everlight’s return to power, they have grog who fucks with the stormlord’s teachings even if he doesn’t deal with the god part all that much. there’s a multiplicity of god-to-mortal relationships in vox machina that is diverse in a way that bh certainly isn’t, and i think that allows a really interesting deepening of what’s at stake. because, of course, their focus is getting vax out of the orb, but there’s a weight they all carry regarding what happens to the world if it loses the gods, especially if the way they go is through the machinations of a ancient elven jackass.
and i mean it’s a jokey moment but i think an exchange that’s really illustrative of why it’s so nice to get vm who are certain about their stances about the gods and who don’t have to discuss the philosophical implications of their actual lived and material reality is the one between vex and keyleth where they’re discussing stopping predathos and vex jokes that ‘hey maybe predathos gets out and just eats the matron, surely that’d be fine’ and keyleth laughs with her but then they both kind of step out of that and are still committed to fighting predathos. because as keyleth emphasizes in her speech, exandria belongs to a collective, one made up of people who both hate and love the gods and though vex and keyleth both hate one god in particular, they have the awareness to treat that as their own issue, not one worth risking exandria to solve. anyway. this isn’t super well put and maybe i’ll elaborate some other time but i’ve seen a lot of people being bitter about vox machina showing up (which is their right!) but saying they’re only there in ways that detract from the narrative (i obviously disagree) so i just wanted to put into words why i think that’s wrong (though to be clear i don’t doubt that the fact that vm is cr’s personal blorbos plays a significant hand in the fact that vm showed up, they just also are succeeding (to me) at having a narrative purpose as well)
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As much as I do also dislike Vizviepop, one thing I can't agree with is the comparison to Butch Hartman. Yes, they both have very thin skins, but Butch Hartman scammed his fans by lying about the fundamentalism in his app, he traced commissions, and he was worst part of every project he was involved in, just to name a few things.
Vizvie is worthy of criticisms for a lot of reasons, but she never stole any money, she was pretty upfront about what she's making and has delivered on it, she can actually draw, and her projects are, like them or not, unambiguously hers. Danny Phantom could have been made by other people, (and mostly was until Butch took over and ruined everything.) Hazbin really couldn't have existed without Vizvie.
As much as we like to dunk on people, we do need to remember that Vizvie is a queer creator of color making media for queer audiences, and without the corporate cynicism of a lot of other queer media made by white and straight people. She is a part of our community and we would only be doing harm by lumping her in with people like Butch who actively want us silent and/or dead.
Yes Hazbin isn't good. But maybe it should be okay for queer media to be bad sometimes. Maybe it should be okay for queer people to not behave in perfectly acceptable ways sometimes. Criticizing her is fine, but don't act like she's some kind of supervillain when all she's doing is making something that isn't good. We can't keep cannibalizing our own creators like this.
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