#as much as I've craved this to be a place to express myself creatively to foster a community to encourage people to engage

[mercymaker]

not to be sadposting at 4am, but maybe it's time to accept the fact that tumblr as I've grown used to throughout my many years here is truly gone and this new tumblr is simply not for me

[dragon-appreciator-fray]

Hey.

Willow here.

I'm about to take up a lot of space.

For those of you that don't know us well, hiyas~! 'm the one who picked the name Static Chorus to represent us as a plurality.

Irene and Ire would frame me as the thoughtful one.

I love the big comfy sweaters and crave the unfeeling robot gender. I wouldn't frame myself as the least expressive. But I am definitely the least emotive.

I'm the one responsible for the character Nadir in Weight of Broken Promises: The shadowy mom with neopronouns.

Verity from Ruinous Hearts is... probably also mine.

Of the three of us, I am the one that identified with the nonbinary character in the game that cracked our egg.

I crave being... ill-defined or outright antagonistic.

The moment something starts to feel like a confining box, I want us out of it.

It's taken forever for us to settle on some idealized self perceptions.

But we feel like we're there. It's just I am only really starting to communicate with my headmates and loved ones about what some of that means.

I see myself as a Hell Hound. More scaled than furred. (Can be smooth to the touch if you stroke them one way. I somewhat fondly recall touching snakes to have the best point of comparison.) Dark sclera. Bright eyes. Sharp teeth and claws.

We have always described Ire as the one who keeps us safe. But Ire doesn't see herself as the violent one despite being the only one we trust with violence as a topic. She keeps us functioning in social situations. Ire is who we trust to turn the rest of us off and guide us with a steady head.

I'm the one we really don't trust with external violence. (Irene can speak for herself about the internal stuff.) Anyway... I conceive of myself as an absolutely damned monster.

Not going into the Catholic trauma here.

But I'm someone who took that and learned about my religion out of spite. I made being Christian miserable for everyone around me. My family stopped going to church for literally 80% of my childhood.

I was... unpleasant. Still can be.

To me, Verity was a howling storm of a character who would only ever be able to find peace if she isolated herself from anyone she could hurt.

That is genuinely how I saw myself.

Eventually I realized that the little parts of her that didn't suit her just... weren't me.

If you've had us be sweet and bright and cheery in your DMs, you know how much of a delight Irene can be.

The moment we realized we were trans, I wanted to just... back off. To let her be the one who signs the legal name and be the bright identity we face the world with.

It is an endless relief to know that the part of us that most wants to live could explode into being as wonderful as she is the moment we realized Irene has always been a girl.

But I've kinda gotten bitter about it. I'm the one who kept us going in the depression hoodie forever. I got us this far, but I still kinda delight in existing in context to negative emotions. It's what I know best and most want to explore creatively.

Unfortunately it has become me who, in my most guilty of moments, wants to give up on existing.

We know how much that sucks to hear. We've never wanted to feel smaller or hide more than putting these thoughts into words and share them.

I... genuinely regret telling just one of the people I love this.

And now here I am doing it for everyone.

But I'm the best and most articulated self we have. Gardenia was a cute lil name. Irene can keep it if she wants.

But I want to put Irene Verity Fray down as our full legal name. I wanna live too. As my whole truth.

The Hell Hound has gotta go. But I think I could get used to as being thought of as a Dragon. Means I get to keep the features of my self image I like best.

Anyway. Hi.

For now I'm still Willow.

Nice to meet you.

Maybe one day I'll go by Verity proper.

But I'm just not there yet.

I've got a lot of unpleasant things to work through first.

I think Depths of Promises Sworn is going to become the place for that. But that will mean guiding that story into far more traumatizing and upsetting content than we ever wanted for it.

It means introducing an unpleasant and ungrateful character who still receives the love and affection most of the cast will not think they deserve.

But I got it.

And I'm turning out to be a bright spot in the lives of an alarming amount of ppeople.

So you're stuck with me.

Just know that if you ever want to put down Depths of Promises Sworn, I don't blame you. I certainly wish I didn't have to live through so much of what I have.

But I just can't envision ourselves writing froofy and safe trans content.

We want it slow and messy. Full of backsliding and doubt. I want to trans the monsters or the girls into monsters.

I'm not gonna pull my punches on account of Irene anymore unless she asks me to.

I'm gonna strive to push this system to live its unapologetic truth. All of the good and all of the bad. For whatever that framing is worth.

Probably gonna start by pushing out out of bed when we wake up to go clothes shopping.

It's too hot for us to be running around in pants at work.

There is nothing redeeming about suffering. I will fucking cut that Catholic nonsense out of you if you disagree with me.

[ingravinoveritas]

How do you find the courage to post your fanfics? I've written something, but I'm TERRIFIED of someone reading it, even though I WANT people to read it 😩

Hi, Anon! Aww, I appreciate you asking me this so much. Well, I know the feeling you are describing very well, as I've been writing fanfic for the better part of the last 25 years, and that is a feeling that never fully goes away.

When I first started writing fic, I was in a very different place mentally than where I am now. What I mean by that is that I'd experienced tremendous bullying all through school because of being on the autism spectrum, and at the same time, writing was the one thing that I discovered I was good at. So while I was absolutely desperate for people to read my writing, I was also completely terrified of criticism of any stripe, because in my mind, that somehow meant I'd done something "wrong" and it felt like the fast track to destroying my already nearly nonexistent self-esteem.

As a child, writing was my escape from the world, and the only place I felt safe and like I could express myself, and I also sought so much validation from it. As an adult, it's still an escape and a place to express myself, but I no longer crave that same validation. Do I want to share my writing with people in the hope that they get as much joy out of reading it as I do writing it? Absolutely. Do I view a negative review or criticism as the worst possible thing in the entire world? Not at all. But that was a choice I had to make, and it happened as I gradually developed confidence in myself, which took a great deal of time.

What it really comes down to is that posting your fics and sharing your writing carries the potential for both great risks, and great rewards. One thing you must always keep in mind is that not everyone is going to like what you write, but that does not make you a bad writer. For me, the appreciation and gratitude of the people who do like my fics matters far more than the people who don't like them--I actually even recently got a lovely comment on The Boxer Rebellion from one of my favorite MS/DT RPF authors, and it absolutely made my entire day. But that never would have happened if I hadn't posted my fic in the first place.

The other thing to keep in mind is that every fic has an audience. (The absolutely cursed-beyond-comprehension cream cheese fic had an audience, for crying out loud.) So there will be an audience for what you write, Anon, and in fact that audience is probably out there right now just waiting to read your fics. Ultimately, though, the most important person to write for is you. Write because you have a voice and stories you want to share. Write because something inspired you and brought that creative spark to life. Write because there is nothing sadder in this world than walking around with an untold story inside you. And if you do decide to share your fics, who knows who you might inspire in turn, and the spark you could light inside others.

I hope this helps to answer your question. Please feel free to write back in if/when you decide to share your fics, Anon. Sending so much love and the very best of luck to you! xx

[wildegeist-old]

(Ramble) Creativity and dependency on attention

Disclaimer: This is an opinion and anecdote from me, I'm not an authority, I'm speaking from a place of personal experience, this is not intended as some ultimate piece of advice. Anyone who reads this can take whatever they want from it. It's subjective and based on a way of thinking that I've found is beneficial to me personally. Sharing and hoping maybe it will be beneficial to someone else too. I’m not telling you what to do or how to feel. You can feel entirely different and that's okay.

I see much debate on what a good mindset as a creative of any type to have is in regards to wanting more traction- you know, one side saying “no just stop caring about feedback” and the other side saying “no I NEED feedback” and it just becomes this polarized mess with neither side understanding or communicating efficiently. While ultimately I think it depends from person to person because our mindsets as creatives will differ from person to person, I think there's a healthy sweet spot for people to hit in regards to how much they want and value input from others.

Expression is the heart of creativity, so that want for input from others, the connection, and the social aspect can't be denied. It's natural to want others to love your work as much as you love it. We put our hearts and souls into lovingly crafting cool little things out of ideas we have, and it's totally natural to want engagement. I don't believe we can ever fully immunize ourselves from this desire. Even I get this rush of happy feelings and motivation when I get feedback, and I think most people kinda need it at least in some amount. Comments and love feel great and I think to dismiss that want entirely is counterproductive.

But…

On the other end, I do believe that there's a real issue with too much dependency on feedback and I think that comes from a place of insecurity. Because the root almost always seems to be a craving for external validation. I can draw a parallel between it and the reason even non-creatives develop social media addictions. It's that little dopamine rush that builds into a craving for more and more, until you start to grow dissatisfied when the amount you receive isn't meeting your personal demand.

Then you start feeling a need to create for attention and validation, and you find that eventually, you become burnt out when you’re not getting back what you wanted for what you were putting in.

And at this point you have to remind yourself again why you create. Is it for the attention, or is it because you want to make it? It's probably really because you want to make it. That's how you started in the first place, after all. I've found it helps me when I'm unconfident to ground myself by reminding myself of this. All that truly matters is I enjoyed creating it, and I'd always do it anyway even if I got zero attention. You started with no attention, and you still made something even without the promise it would get any. You remind yourself of this, and you reclaim your power.

I guess in that sense it sorta makes attention like a sort of drug to creators. It feels good and is fine in moderation but when you become too dependent on that little dopamine rush, it slowly starts to consume and ruin you and your love for creating. I've always found myself much happier putting my work out into its own spot where it may or may not be seen than posting it somewhere more populated with the expectation of feedback. I don’t think it’s very fair of me to put that sort of expectation upon other humans anyway. I put my stuff out and it’s any person’s choice whether or not they wish to engage with it, and that’s that.

I’ve talked with and befriended so many creatives over the years and one of the biggest things I’ve noticed is that many people seem to depend too much on external validation, like honestly, moreso than the normal healthy amount that a person would desire feedback. And that’s not their fault, it’s a tough beast to tame and I struggle with it too. But I see people goaling specifically to get the most attention, getting frustrated when they don’t get more attention, obsessed with “making it big”. Sometimes this results in them sterilizing or watering down their ideas to please more people, or adding more stuff with wide appeal that they didn’t necessarily want to. Or they get too perfectionist about their own work to the point that they think everything they make is required to be grandiose and perfect. All for a marginally higher chance at more attention.

I’ve fallen into those traps. “I gotta make my stuff less abstract so people understand better, because some people said my stuff is too bizarre”. “I gotta make my stuff perfect in every way because otherwise it’ll be torn apart”. “I want to do this thing and it’s most authentic to my goal with my work, but I’m not going to because I feel like it’d disappoint people”. Dude, it’s yours. Pour yourself into your work, because nothing else is ever gonna be more uniquely you. I’ve received overwhelming attention on pieces of art before and found it actually doesn’t feel very good. It’s not as satisfying as you’d think after a point, and it’s stressful. I’m okay staying small forever and making things in my little corner for a few people (and most importantly myself) to enjoy. My target audience is me, and I’m happier working knowing that.

But what if that’s not convincing? What if you still crave that attention? Adopting a mindset to be less dependent on it in an age where we’re programmed to depend on it seems easier said than done- that’s because it is. What worked for me was asking myself those questions whenever I felt unsure. Would I still be creating if I got ZERO attention? Yes. There's a ton of work I have that I never posted and don't really intend to. Did I still enjoy making the thing even if it didn’t get much attention? Also yes. Am I deriving joy from it? Yes. And I realize, that’s enough for me.

Bottom line I’m getting to here is: It’s okay to want attention, most of us do. Just don’t let that desire tear you apart, yeah?

[evwuniverse]

Personalities and Virtual Worlds -Observation During and After COVID Lockdowns

Since COVID, it is safe to tell most of us as a collective are still getting used to communicating and going back out of the safety of our homes. Though some of us couldn't wait to get back out and go places, whether or without a mask, others were a little more hesitant. Of course, this is a natural response to everything that happened in late 2019 or early 2020, and no one would blame you for taking caution. Though it isn't publicized in the media much, COVID is still genuine. It is not gone, but as we all know, life moves onward. With that being said, it made me think about the specifics of us from COVID until now and how it changed the virtual world industry. Did we gain more users on these virtual platforms or lose them? This post will discuss all the specifics, but please remember there won't be any statistics or numbers involved. Everything released in this post will come from personal experience and researching other people's experiences and what I've noticed since COVID, up to the end of 2022.

Introverts Before and After COVID With Virtual Worlds

Let's be honest; COVID only affected a few introverts, if any. We are so used to staying in our hobit homes. Whether creating something new, playing video games, vegging out, listening to music, or watching TV/movies in our spare time. We were in our natural habitat 100%. Nonetheless, if we were sincere with everyone, humans are a communicative species, and we cannot survive without human interaction at specific points. Though introverts like myself tend to keep to themselves, we still crave a little conversation. Because of this, during COVID, a small spike of introverted personality types entered and utilized virtual platforms. Sometimes communication can be overwhelming; however, in small spurts, we love it! We love being spoken to, even if we only sometimes answer.

Many introverts went into these virtual worlds to communicate or even be creative. The thing with this is it's not only about communication but also about experiencing new places that some of us wouldn't think of sharing. Virtual worlds give our personality types an outlet to explore new areas where we either can't go to those places, or it's somewhere we want to go but can't yet afford to go. This became an outlet for communication and exploration! The virtual world industry not only appeals to gamers and tech enthusiasts. They appeal to creatives, singles (for dating), Businesses to stay connected from various areas in the world, and those who are adventurous in nature and enjoy exploring and immersing themselves in multiple worlds.

As most know, many things can be accomplished in a virtual world. More often than not, virtual worlds are a platform for expression and businesses to stay connected. There are so many opportunities virtual worlds provide their users, and the sky is the limit for all virtual world users! Many introverts were found exploring and immersing themselves in new places inside various virtual world platforms, talking to our small friend circle, and enjoying life as if we were in person but from the safety of our comfort zone during a difficult time.

After COVID, you will still see many of us inside these platforms. However, I've noticed through initial interactions that some platforms have fewer introverts and more extroverts. This could be because the rest of us enjoy our solitude by playing various other video games, being creative in spaces that are comfortable to us, and now that we can get out if we want to, we still get that human interaction but face-to-face. It depends on the person, but there have been a few introverts I've noticed or meeting after COVID inside virtual worlds like VR Chat, IMVU, or even Second Life.

Extroverts Before and After COVID

Believe it or not, the virtual world platforms were popping up with those extroverted personalities. Between clubs and consistent chatting and communicating in welcome areas, there was a massive spike in people using virtual worlds during COVID. This was primarily because they were unable to go anywhere during the lockdowns. Extroverts need communication and people to feel energized. They used virtual world platforms to provide them with the same lifestyle they had before having to stay inside. They can still communicate and go out and about from home. They can be as vocal as they are in their reality and even create new experiences with new people for themselves. From what I have noticed, the clubs were packed inside Second Life, and every person's inbox I got into was grateful for the conversations I had. To test this theory, I won't lie; I messaged almost everyone in one club. Also, I knew which one was introverted by responses and who was extroverted. Yup! I see you, my fellow introverts! Ha-ha.

There were so many people walking in different immersive places that, typically, I wouldn't find people. For example, there's a Zen and Yoga place in IMVU, a "class" was going on, and the room was packed. It was crazy; that room never fills up, so keep that in mind. The number of people experiencing various experiences in a virtual setting was impressive during COVID. The clubs in any virtual world were packed, and people were just living their best lives in these virtual worlds! It was truly enlightening to see.

After COVID, I tend to see more extroverts hanging around than my introverted tribe! But this is, of course, a good thing. I love that even though extroverts love to be out and about, they take in their creativity and love for technology even after COVID lockdowns.

Conclusion

Overall the increase in users was drastic in virtual world platforms during COVID. It has subsided quite a bit since then, and though there were a lot of active users during that time, there aren't as many now. Your more avid virtual world enthusiasts are the ones who continue their stay. But it is important to note just because numbers dropped doesn't mean they won't be back. Virtual worlds have become popular since they were given a title thanks to Zuckerberg at Meta. When you're rich, you can name anything; hence, Metaverse was born to relate to virtual worlds and their industry.

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

(Hey, I'm Kristina! So it seems I'm going to have to break up my message in a few parts because of Tumblr's word limit, so I hope you don't mind this and you get the entire thing). PART 1 - There are simply no words that can even begin to express just how much I love your writing. I've been obsessively reading each story of yours (because who needs to sleep or literally do anything else when I have your stories to read or reread a million times 😍) and I truly can't get enough.

PART 2 - Not only do you write absolutely beautifully, but also your creativity… oof. Your creativity is special and undoubtedly unmatched. Every single thing you write completely captures my attention and makes me crave more by the time I finish reading. I admire the way you write Billy Russo and how you can make vividly imagine the scenes that you masterfully describe.

PART 3 - It’s hard to choose a favorite of yours when they’re all so perfect, especially the “Werewolf Billy” and “Mr. & Mrs. Russo” series. But I must say, I recently discovered your “Soft Breath, Beating Heart” and oh my sweetness. That series in particular will forever live in my mind rent free. I'm utterly in love with the way you write Billy and the Reader in that one. It’s so different and interesting to see a Reader so shy and innocent like that, and I just ADORE the way Billy treats her.

PART 4 - And don’t even get me started on the “Sunshine” nickname that Billy has for her because that was a PERFECT creative choice (my cheeks are still burning because of how much that nickname made me smile and nearly squeal every time Billy called her that). I find their whole dynamic so special and fun to read. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever read before and I just need more of it. I’m praying and begging for more. I don’t know if you have any plans on continuing it, but PLEASE consider it.

PART 5 - It’s a beautiful story and there’s still so much more of their relationship to explore. I hope you continue. But overall, just please keep writing in general because finding and reading your work has literally been one of the the best things to ever happen to me <3 Thank you so, so much for sharing your amazing work with us! – Kristina

Kristina, my love, I have been hoarding these asks for way too long and I've been beating myself up to say something equally as touching as the words you have given me. I still haven't found the words and I still struggle to accept compliments, but right now, all I want to tell you, from the bottom of my heart is, thank you.

After working hard on a story, planning it and hating it and rolling it around in my head until I get it right, it feels truly good to find that people appreciate it.

And I can say this to so many of you out there that love my works and leave reviews or reblog with your yelling, that even though I may not have the time to respond, I see every one. I see you, I see all of you.

Never thought I'd be able to have a platform like this, I'm usually very cripplingly shy, especially on the Internet, so to put some of my more intimate thoughts out there and to see that so many of you appreciate and relate to them, hits me in a way I've never been hit before 🥲

I hope I can continue to put works out there that you love 🧡

P.S: OH MY GOD SOMETHING JUST BANGED AGAINST MY ROOF AND FREAKED ME OUT AND THEN I REMEMBERED THERE'S A CAT THAT LIKES TO TROT AROUND UP THERE LIKE HE OWNS THE PLACE DEAR GOD WHY ME I AM NOT YOUR STRONGEST SOLDIER.