#as long as its not against that persons values or something
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Pick a Card Weekly Reading - Jan 6 25
Relax your eyes and notice which of the 3 lower piles they're drawn to. pick the pile that calls to you
The Alleyman's Tarot
Take what resonates, leave what doesn't
Universal Cards (Top)
Justice sideways, The Lovers
This reading 2 cards jumped for me while doing my initial shuffle. they are general cards describing in a grander sense what applies to all.
Justice, sideways: The balance is tipped. There are wrongs that are in need of righting. This card can go either way, you have the power to tip the scales in your life. Look inside yourself, what immediately jumped to you reading this? Perhaps it's interpersonal, financial, or more broadly political. This card calls for you to do work.
The Lovers: You are missing something in your life. You are longing for its presence, perhaps even its return. All this, yet you have love in your life already. You underappreciate this love, you fail to truly foster it. Love is like an succulent, it requires the most delicate handling and care. Remember to water it.
Take these cards with you through your next reading, connect the dots. These cards are meant to be read together but I will leave you, the querent, to find their meaning in your life.
Pile 1 (Left)
The Moon reversed, Lightning in a Bottle reversed, Ten of Attention reversed
You're in a social hole in the ground. You are surrounded by people who are entirely indifferent to you while you crave their attention and praise. You live off of their love for you but your source has run dry. The people you depend on are slowly growing distant from you. you feel desperate and are grasping at anything to keep them.
It's time to leave.
You don't realize how bad it's gotten until you hit a breaking point. You are at your breaking point. You will find joy elsewhere. You will find people who love you and you will find ways to value yourself as a person beyond the praise you receive. You will rebuild your self esteem but first you have to get out.
Pile 2 (Middle)
Strength, The Hawkmoth reversed, Weird Ass Mystical Shit
You are afraid of the unknown. It calls out to you, it threatens you. You are in a predicament and you don't know what the answer will look like. It's beyond you. Some things are not meant to be known. There is kindness in ignorance, fighting against the future is futile. Some things are hidden for a reason. You will find peace when you accept that you are out of control of fate. You cannot alter what happens in the future and you cannot guarantee that you'll know what happens at all. You are seeking answers that no one can give you.
You are strong on your own.
You do not need to know what the future holds because you are a fighter. You are resilient in the face of challenge and when an inevitable struggle appears you will have the energy and passion to survive it. All people will encounter trouble in their lives. It's up to you to survive it.
Pile 3 (Right)
The Magician, Four of Wands, Ouroboros
There are two sides of you right now, the side attempting to balance the many aspects of your life and the side that wants to curl up under the covers with some hot tea and a nice book. You are seeking refuge from your obligations and in the process you are eating yourself alive. You are creating your own doom.
It's time to start juggling.
It's wonderful to seek refuge in comfort but it must not come at the expense of the rest of your life. When you find yourself sleeping through too many days the neglected obligations will come knocking. it's just a matter of time. break the cycle, pick up that envelope you've been meaning to read, make that phone call, write that email. it's time to bring productivity back into your life.
#witchblr#pick a card#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotblr#witchcraft#pick a pile#daily tarot#tarot blog
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NOTE: i am not saying that we cannot speculate someones sexuality, i am just saying if people get to assume someone is straight, then why cant we assume someone is a part of the LGBTQ+ community?
also always make sure that the person you are assuming or talking about any of this stuff is ok with it! if they have publically voiced that they do not want speculation and controversy amongst their sexuality then respect it! always respect boundries! and always respect other people. do research before saying anything possibly controversial! <3
i have smol brain so if there is anything offensive in this tell me! and i'll hopefully get rid of it, i just wanted to voice some of my personal dislikes. and dont be surprised if i do more of this type content, or mental health advocation cause i believe its super important and that everyone should be aware of stuff. theres a lot btw i get rlly into stuff im passionate abt or want to talk abt something so buckle ur seatbelts and dont yell angrily at me please! :) thank u <3
quick question: all over twitter i see all these posts like 'dont assume someones sexuality' yeah dont assume someones sexuality?? THAN WHY ARE WE ALL ASSUMING EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT?? that is a sexuality, we all assume at first glance that someone is straight. then why is it when people speculate or think someone is like gay or bi then its immediately bad? isnt that like saying someone is straight??
so then why are people who simply do exactly what other people do but instead of assuming everyone is straight, they assume a few people are gay? like its fucking bullshit why cant we normalise being gay?? like its who we love and yeah i guess we shouldnt assume but we cant help it sometimes, like how people assume 'oh there is girl with boy at dinner so they dating!' no fuck no? what if i just wanted to spend time with a friend?
so basically people around here always like 'dont assume sexuality' when we technically do that every single day, and i will admit i do that too. being straight has been more embedded in our culture than being gay but its still assuming isnt it? dont hate me for it but this is really what i think about this whole thing cause isnt this true? isnt thinking someone is straight just like thinking someone is gay? im sure the gays can agree though, like we are probably always assumed by other people to like the opposite gender but thats not true, so why is it when people think someone is gay they immediately get hated for it?
some more stuff: yes it doesnt apply to everyone like if u assume someone is gay u dont always get hated for it. ive seen some tweets on twitter of people just like 'oh this person is straight' blah blah blah, but in reality no one but that person knows that, so who are we to assume they are straight? or gay? this is why i like to keep an open mind like oh yeah this person can like men and woman and non-binaries and intersex and others, even if they dont voice it.
also dont hate me for this, im just making some observations and stuff and applying random shit that i know. cause isnt this technically true?? (and yeah again pls dont hate me for this cause everyday i feel like writing something like this, to advocate for problems like this cause why cant we normalise being gay and coming out? but i always get scared of hate, and i know that sounds super shitty and stuff but ive always had a weak mental state, which has gotten a lil bit better cause i found someone on twitter and a lil community but its still not the best)
i also wrote this because of taylor swift, i see a bunch of people saying 'oh dont speculate her sexuality' but like arent u speculating shes straight? cause being straight is a sexuality too? and plus shes never publically spoken abt it (i think) and same with a bunch of other people.
and im not saying u shouldnt speculate someones sexuality im just saying that if people get to assume someone is straight, then why cant we assume someone is gay? (or LGBTQ+)
actually feel free to do whatever u want, im just here saying that its not fair that people get to assume someone is straight yet others dont get to assume someone is gay. cause technically thats the same thing? sure there are probably more straights in the world but still its not exactly equal.
and to all my fellow closeted LGBTQ+ friends out there, i love yall and be true to urself and dont let them haters get u down!
(haters gonna hate hate hate) sorry ive been obsessed with Taylor's music like omg the eras movie was so good?? like they better put it on a streaming platform like im gonna def watch it again, yall should too if u like Taylor :D
#lgbtq community#lgbtq+#pls dont hate me#im just trying to state some facts#and observations#like why cant we all be equal#being straight is a sexuality#and if we are not to assume someones sexuality then we cant assume straight#im not saying we shouldnt cause thats ur guys opinion#but people shouldnt hate others if they say someone is gay#as long as its not against that persons values or something#always make sure the person is fine with it!#i love my lgbtq+ community#we all should be treated the same#NORMALISE COMING OUT AND BEING GAY!
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my tags on that went on for so long i had to go back and edit them to fit tag limit and i still had to delete a bunch of them. Its the autism it literally is
#funerary practices and the afterlife and body disposal methods and just. grief and mourning in general r like. My bigggg autism thing i dont#talk abt it a lot bc 1 i just Dont shut up once i get going 2 a lot of ppl dont want to hear abt stuff like that which is fine. kicked pupp#expression. i just find it very very interesting to see how different ppl grieve and whats considered like. Right and wrong when it comes t#care of the body yk. bc like. most/every culture has their practices and anything outside of that feels wrong to them bc its like. yk its s#pivotal idr the exact anecdote/story but caitlin doughty mentioned it in one of her books where like. there were 2 groups and one cremated#their dead and the other practiced mortuary cannibalism and both viewed the other as barbaric and it rly shaped how i view it like. yk. its#rly something so personal where even when the way someone grieves makes you uncomfortable its like. you cant force someone to grieve in a#way thats palatable to you. yk. for a rly long time washing the body and being with the body after death was a rly important part of grief#in like. usamerican culture its only more recently that it became wayyy less common w the rise of funeral homes and stuff. and obv for many#ppl that wouldnt be comforting but i think it could be for a lot of ppl..#my personal belief on it is everyone should be allowed to grieve and dispose of the dead As they want and that should be like. yk. theres#the nebulous term of Desecration which is legally rly difficult to define there r a lot of states where the law is 'if it would outrage#normal family values' which is just so fucking stupid obviously like. whos family. bc every single person has a different view on whats#appropriate yk... IDK. i think as long as its relatively safe for the living and as long as its not like. Against the wishes of the decease#like. if someone says they want a burial and then theyre cremated (not out of necessity like 4 financial stuff) im like. yk. obv theyre dea#but i think its important to honor their last wishes... yk. and that should go for like. If someone wants an open pyre cremation that shoul#be available... if someone wants aquamation etc. IDK. etc. like. another thing is with embalming while i wish it werent De Facto ppl r#railroaded into it i entirely disagree w ppl who say it should be wiped out entirely like. there r environmental ramifications 4 sure and i#love for that to be more like. talked abt... but embalming is rly important to a lot of ppl and idt its right to shit all over that. idt it#necessary for every death i personally dont see the point of embalming for like. a peaceful death with a quick funeral and theyre getting#cremated after. but ik like. for a lot of black families embalming is very important for like. a reclamation esp in violent or traumatic#deaths its very important to have like. a funeral with a viewing. and i think thats something that shouldnt be taken away from anyone ever.#even like. ik this is controversial but extreme embalming w/ posing and stuff as long as thats what the decease wanted like. i think its#awesome !! i Dont agree w taking the corpses of the poor or disenfranchised to prop up for art pieces Personally but like. there r ppl who#want to be displayed like that like. riding their motorcycle one last time or ummm. that posthumous concert that happened. i get how it can#seem morbid or wtvr but like. the families r happy with that its what those ppl wanted and it like. its a celebration of their life and#their interests and i think thats super important. BASICALLY.#ok tag limits coming so im cutting myself off for sure this time. but wtvr. i hope this makes sense to anybody else sorry i rambled. im ver#passionate abt it KJBADKJBDKJ
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Roomie!sukuna; part 4
read the other parts here! : part 1 part 2 part 3
cw : smutttt & fluff<3, oblivious!reader, pervy!sukuna, sex toys, oral (m&f), p in v, dubcon(?), breeding kink, overstim, s*x tapes, somno(Âżnot really but maybe?), dumbification, big d*ck!sukuna, sub!reader, dom!sukuna, etc etc
*not edited*
wc ~ 6.5k
enjoy<3
Sukuna has been on lockdown since the incident with Gojo. He hasnât spoken to you longer than five minutes in passing, always having âsomethingâ to do. Itâs driving you crazy, and as much as you want to barge in and get him to speak, you noticed that trying to force proximity only made things worse and attempted to give him the space he wanted.
But you miss your best friend, the best roommate you could possibly ask for, and the silence between you started to make you feel physically ill. The guilt was eating you up inside, and you were scared that by breaking this boundary, you might have ruined everything. It felt different this time; the house felt extremely cold, unlike its usual warm and welcoming atmosphere. So, after Friday rolled around, you decided enough was enough.
You let out a breath before raising your fist to knock on his door, patiently waiting for an answer. âryo..? itâs me.." You wanted to roll your eyes at your own words. I mean, who else could it be? You two would have bigger problems if random people were knocking on your bedroom door.
Before you could beat yourself up about it, Sukunaâs door flew open, revealing himself shirtless with a pair of grey sweats hanging loosely off his waist. He looked beyond good; that extra time spent in the gym was showing and made you want to drool. âwhat?â
You look up at him, feeling frustrated, confused, and a little horny by how his nonchalant attitude worked so well on him. âRyo, Iâm sorry.â Sukuna tilted his head in mock confusion.
âfor?â
You let out a grunt; even when you try to be the bigger person, he always has to make it extra difficult, huh? You crossed your arms over your chest, the movement making his eyes zero in on your cleavage on perfect display through your tank top. Maybe if he does this long enough, youâll flash him to make him feel better. Sukuna fought a smirk as he adjusted his eyesight back at your head, his face remaining stoic.
âIâm apologizing for how everything went with Gojo. I didnât realize how much you two didnât get along, and... Ryo, it wasnât my intention to make you uncomfortable.â
âAnd yet, you brought him home?â he quirks his brow, hand reaching to grab one of his shirts and slip it on.
You let out another noise of frustration: âI thought it was a joke between you two! I mean, Gojo is really not that bad. He's sweet when youââ Sukuna rolled his eyes, the hardening of his body language made you stop short. âThatâs not importantâI'm sorry, Kunaâ. You should always feel comfortable in your own home, and I don't want you to think I don't value that.â You looked at him with sincerity, your hands dropping from their defensive positioning.
He stayed silent, his tongue pressing against his cheek while he thought. Sukuna scoffs, looking forward and away from you. âYouâre a dumbass.â
His words made you smile, jumping up to hug him. Ryo wrapped his arms around you, a small grin on his lips when you let out a squeal. You look and sound so cute, itâd be impossible for him to stay mad. (Plus, he got to feel your soft, plushy boobs touching him which made his mouth water)
âI got our favorite snacks and have a whole list of scary movies for us to binge. no gojo included too?â You spoke, pulling away to look at him. âoh really?â He hums, his hand moving to push back some hair that covered your face. You nod, "Iâll go and get everything in the cute candy bowls we have!â
As you walk away, Sukuna leans on his door frame to watch the way your plump behind poked out of your shorts, eyes zeroing in to the exposed flesh. What a pretty little thing you are...
He pushes himself off the door and into the kitchen, standing behind you before leaning down to whisper in your ear, âYou look great in those shorts, by the way.â
Before you can speak, heâs backing away and into the living room while you stand wide-eyed. it doesnât take much for you to brush it off, sukuna is a flirt and does it to everyone, simply chalking up the comment as Ryo being a tease, nothing more. When you get inside, you notice Sukuna is man-spreading, nearly taking up most of the couch with his long legs.
You let out a huff. âRyo, move your leg so I can sit.â
Ryomen hums, leaning further back. âWhatâs the magic word, princess?â
His words make you glare: âIâm not five sukuna.â
He scoffs, poking your side. âhey! I thought you wanted my forgiveness. This is just going to make me more mad.â
You bow your head, sucking your teeth in plain annoyance. âPlease,â you mumble, your small voice barely being heard.
Sukuna smirks, enjoying this way more than heâs supposed to. âIâm sorry, I canât hear you. yâneed to say it louder, princess.â
You sneer, looking at him silently as if to ask if he was being serious or fucking with you, and after his face not changing once, it's safe to say he wasnât. you clear your throat, âPlease move.â
He grins, moving his leg to let you sit, which you do, but not without mumbling under your breath, setting the candy down so that you didnât have to worry about it falling when you playfully shoved him. âYouâre an ass.â Both of you laughed, with Sukuna pushing you back.
Sukuna sighs, and you notice the reluctance in his eyes before he speaks anyway, âI missed you.â
At his confession, you cooâd teasingly. âAww, Sukuna has a soft spot!â poking his face, making him roll his eyes, and nip at your finger. although, if heâs being honest, he is anything but soft.
but you donât need to know that. yet.
Sukuna picks a movie that has the best rating, hoping itâs enough to scare you into his arms (and it always is). Youâre cuddled up to him, eating a nerd gummy cluster when you let out a high-pitched scream and cover your eyes. âWhat the fuck was that!?â
He lets out a chuckle, rubbing his hand down your arm to relax you. âCalm downâit wasnât even that gory.â
âHis head was just chopped off.â
âIâve seen worse.â You glance at him with irritation before looking back at the movie. âOh, sorry, I forgot I was watching a scary movie with Captain âI watched Gore at Five.ââ
Sukuna didnât need to respond, feeling you tighten around him as the movie got progressively scarier. To be completely honest, these movies were the least interesting part of the night. The way you clung to him was far more entertaining. you spent most of the time making observations about how âstupidâ the characters were, even joking to ease the tension, only to either jump or make some weird guttural sound that you attempted to hide with a cough or clearing on your throat. Thankfully, the movie started to play its end credits before you were scared into a premature heart attack, literally letting out a sigh of relief as the names rolled in.
Ryo stood up to bring everything inside, a bit disappointed that it was over because he was enjoying the way you relied on him for comfort. Just as he turned to exit, he was halted by you gently tugging on his arm. âMaybe we can play a game or something?â
âAre you... scared?â he chuckled.
âwhat!? No, Iâm notââ You let out a scream when the ending credits had a jump scare that was loud; your defense so high that you nearly punched him when he grabbed you. Sukuna stared at you with a blank expression. âOkay, it was a little scary.â
After what felt like hours of sukuna laughing, teasing, and poking fun at your fears, the two of you sat on the couch as a comedy show played in the backgroundâanything to distract you from the thought of guts, blood, and murder. Sukuna suggested a few drinks would help you relax, so now the both of you sat on the couch, slightly tipsy, while playing a game.
you both originally tried to play monopoly, but realized how long it would take and gave up. Then you tried to play Trouble but realized half the game pieces were missing (courtesy of Sukunaâs baby brother Yuji, who decided to hide the pieces instead of play with them). and after remembering that you left both of your favorite card games at your friend's house, you opted for a more verbal one.
âTruth or dare?â he asked, eating one of his candies.
âtruthâ
Sukuna nodded, thinking for a second, âHave you had a recent wet dream, and if so, tell me who it was with and what happened?â He smirked, popping in a jolly rancher. âGood one, right?â
You rolled your eyes at him and retracted your words, "I pick dare.â
âGive me a lap dance.â
You let out a deep sigh. âYouâre such a perv, you know that?â Sukuna nods, chewing his candy. âSo, whatâs it gonna be? Should I be playing some music?â
You shook your head. you debated what to do for a moment, measuring out what would cause you more embarrassment and made a decision. âI had a wet dream like..two months ago.â You refuse to look at him, instead taking a sip from the drinks he prepared for you two.
He nods, motioning for you to keep going. âI asked for a lot more than that.â
âi..donât remember.â
He groans, âCmon, just say it. We gotta play the game right.â
âIt was about... Satoruââ Sukuna wants to stop the game, suddenly very uninterested in everything coming out of your mouth. In fact, he felt extremely tired and definitely needed to get some rest for whatever he had planned for tomorrow (nothing). âandâŚyou.â That makes him perk up, feeling all the alcohol disappear from his body, like your words sobered him up.
âWhat about me?â a cocky smirk on his lips.
You take a big gulp from your glass, setting down the now-empty cup. âIt was weird.â You started to explain the dream in the fastest way possible, talking about how Satoru had given you a remote vibrator and instructed you to wear it around the house. Well, Sukuna happened to be there, and after finding out, âyou know...â
âI donât know,â he replied quickly, invested in the story.
âIt just got a little...rated R. and you were on the phone with toru andâŚyeah.. i mean, itâs not like those dreams even mean anything.â you tried to brush it off unsuccessfully.
Sukuna was rock hard, staring at you in awe. When you finished telling the story, you put your hands over your face, feeling uneasy. âDo you have one?â
âone what?â You peaked between your fingers.
âa remote vibrator?â
âThatâs not part of the question.â Sukuna nods, letting it go (even though heâs never wanted an answer more in his life). âYour turn, truth or dare?â
âdare.â
The moment the words slipped from his tongue, you began to smirk, causing Sukuna to narrow his eyes, wondering what you could possibly be planningâ
âGive me a lap dance.â
Ryo scoffed, shaking his head in a firm ânoâ motion. âabsolutely not, truth.â
âTell me why you hate Satoru." Wow, well played. a double-edged sword. Why did he hate Satoru? If he were honest with himself, he didnât have a completely good reason other than that he fucks you. Calling him annoying wasnât completely true, and he knew you wouldnât buy it.
What can he say anyway? âI hate him because while he fucks you, I'm forced to hump my fist like an out-of-control hormonal teenager and heâs living my dream. not to mention he gets all your attention while iâm left to feel like an intruder in my own home even though I had you before himâ??? Heâd sound like a fucking loser, and thereâs no way in hell that you wouldnât hold that shit over his head. With a sigh, he stands up, âyou gonna choose the song or what?â
He can see the giddiness on your face as you immediately pull your phone out, âturn on the speaker, Kuna'â you scroll through your music, âWhat about this one?â You turn your phone for him to see. the song of choice? wine pon you by Doja.
Sukuna groans, âCan't you do the song that was in that movie with the male stripper?â
âpony? no. Itâs been overdone.â you deadpan. He lets out a sigh, shaking his head while you grab a folding chair and place it down. âYou better do it right.â
Sukuna would laugh at your comment if it wasnât for the fact it was directed at him. While you start the music, he begins to sensually try and remove his shirt making you giggle. His body immediately goes rigid, tips of his ears turning red. âAlright, iâm not doing this if youâre gonna laugh at me the whole timeââ
âiâll stop! keep going!â You immediately cover your mouth. He lowers his sweats a bit, showing off more of his happy trail and glances up at you with an arrogant smirk. âLike it, hm?â You roll your eyes but stay quiet.
He starts off by bringing your hands up to caress him while he grinds against you, the whole thing is both attractive and funny because itâs him of all people. You canât deny that he actually makes it look really good, especially as he kneels in front of you, leaning back on one arm while his hand drags down his torso teasingly.
He doesnât make it through the whole song, sadly chickening out after the first chorus is over while you cheer him on, clapping. âWait, do it again so I can record!â He laughs sarcastically before shutting off the stereo. âFun's over.â
Once the two of you are back on the couch, he speaks up, âTruth or dare?â Just as you go to say truth, he scowls, âDonât pick truth again, you chose it all game. What are you, 12?â
You let out a puff of air. âItâs truth or dare! not dare or dare.â
"Okay, and you picked truth all game so itâs been revoked.â
âThatâs not how it works.â
âYeah, it does.â Before you can protest, heâs already talking, âI dare you to let me go through your phone for five minutes. zero limits.â
âAnd what if I don't let you?â You narrow your eyes, crossing your arms.
He shrugs, âThen you lose. I mean, you lose most of the games we play anyway, so i guess itâs not new to you, hm?â
You want to argue and yell that itâs not true, but it kind of is⌠See, in the years you and Sukuna have lived together, you were forcibly changed from a sore loser to a quietly sulky one as to not embarrass yourself by the amount of times you and him have gone head to head and you come out the loser. You swear he cheats at most of them (he does), but thereâs no evidence, and having a full-blown breakdown over board games is a little under your age range. But you technically can win this; itâs just five minutes?
You grab your phone, unlocking it to set a timer, and throw it on his lap, âAnything you find does not leave this room, you understand?â He ignores you, immediately picking it up and clicking the photos app (like a pervđ)Thereâs a bunch of random photos, some screenshots of your home screen that you constantly forget to delete, and some weird selfies that make you grimace, âew, ryo! Stop looking at it..â
Heâs not really listening, though, admiring how even when youâre doing weird and stupid shit youâre just so adorable. If you werenât intently looking over his shoulder, he would have sent them to himself (heâs so obsessed, heâd probably print them out and make a scrapbook like a little freak). Itâs a side of you not shown publicly, and it makes his stomach feel warm and tingly. After about a minute of you non-stop complaining about his fascination with your stupid photos, he exits the app to open your messages.
You watch over his shoulder, cringing as he clicks on your recent chat with your newest fling, Hiromi. the whole chat full of flirty messages and light sexting, along with some photos of you in the purple lingerie set he bought you. âShould I send these to myself too?â Sukuna teases, glancing at the endearing pout you wore at his comment. He scrolled down, clicking on random chats, some more filthy than others but nothing too extreme.
He was about to click off the app when he noticed âtoruđâ and scoffed, âwhat is he? your little boyfriend?â tapping the chat to read through his messages. He wants to groan at how cute Gojo attempts to text you, using the 𼺠emoji after almost every message and using nicknames like âbabyâ and âcutieâ, it makes sukuna wanna barf.
While Ryo makes a remark about every âstupidâ (his words) comment Satoru makes, you refuse to look, knowing the disappointment that will be very apparent in his face. You decide the ceiling is much more entertaining, resting your head on the back of the couch. see, if you were paying attention, maybe you wouldâve seen him click on the shared photos icon, scrolling through until a certain thumbnail caught his eye.
It looked like him sleeping on the couch, but was too blurry to actually tell, so he decided it would be better to watch it, pressing play.
Itâs very quiet as you pan the camera to where he softly snores on the couch, turning the camera back to yourself while motioning âshhâ as you sit on the couch across from him. You sit up, your legs spread as the camera catches a peek into your tiny shorts to show off your pretty white panties, moving the clothing to the side to show your glistening folds and what looks to be a pink tail peeking from your pussy..?
You bring the camera back up, having it far enough to capture his sleeping frame and your face, giggling quietly before your eyes flutter and a tiny whimper leaves your puffy lips, âohâfuck!â
You were spaced out until you heard the noise, head immediately snapping up to look at what he was watching. Your stomach drops as you look at yourself literally being caught red-fucking-handed, and before you can snatch the phone away, Sukuna is standing up and turning away so you canât. âSukuna! Give it back, now!â
He ignores you, again, laughing at the video the longer it plays. âOh wow, my roomie is a little porn star~â His eyes zero in to how your eyes cross, guessing that the vibrator went a little too fast and made you see stars. how cute. âAnd right in front of me? while iâm helpless and sleeping?â He shakes his head, glancing behind himself and at you in mock disbelief.
Youâre beyond frustrated, tears of shame gathering in your eyes, âSukuna! itâs not like thatââ
âThen explain,â He turns back around to watch the video, looking at how you roll up your baggy t-shirt to expose your pretty tits. You nervously glanced behind you at his sleeping form before facing the camera again, âi hope he doesnât wake up~â you pant, tilting the camera to focus on how you play with your swollen clit. âcauseâ it looks like my pervy roommate was getting off on the fact i was unaware. hey, didnât you say that this was just a dream? because this looks very real to me, princess.â
You squeeze your eyes shut, cursing. âi justâi told Gojo about the dream first and he wanted me to act it out but I knew I couldnât actually get you to do it and so it was the second-best option! Iâm sorry, sukuna!â your words jumble together as a lump forms in your throat, You didnât even recognize how hard you were crying until it was physically becoming hard to breathe. âiâmâsorry!â You hiccup, arms covering your face in humiliation.
At the sound of your sobs, Sukuna turns around and realizes he might have let his amusement get out of hand, quickly shutting your phone and letting it drop on the couch. âw-why are you crying?â You donât answer, if anything, it makes you sob harder and turn away from his strong gaze. Without hesitation, Ryo begins to rub your back, cooing in your ear, âitâs okay, just breatheâ
You donât believe it; this man just found out youâre a perverted freak, and heâs the one comforting you? You turn to look at him, tears still pooling in your eyes, âWhat? Whyâarenât you mad?â
Sukuna shrugs, âShould I be?â
âIâI mean, yeah? itâs justifiableâŚâ You feel your stomach sink with every second of silence that passes.
âWhy would I be mad?â You feel stumped. Is he trying to make you feel more humiliated? Is this a game? trying to get you to confess more and more to make you feel worse than you already do? âI mean, I guess I am a little. Why didnât you wake me up anyway?â
His words make you freeze, confusion must be clear on your face because Sukuna continues, ânot only did you not let me see it in person, but to not send the video either? Thatâs just cruel.â Heâs smirking again, his signature, âup to no goodâ look that makes you feel small back on his face. âI guess youâll have to repay me, huh?â
You gulp, looking up at him. ârepay you? how?" His smirk grows into a grin, so evil and menacing but so fucking attractive. âBy giving me a live show, my little porn star~â
He instructed you to get dressed into the lingerie set previously shown in the photos you sent Hiromi. Youâre not incredibly self-conscious, but as his eyes follow you when you walk into the living room, telling you to turn around and bend over to âgive him a proper look," you feel a slight increase of nerves, hoping he enjoys your act of submission.
and he does. the way you nervously play with your fingers, breath hitching when you feel him creep behind you to look at how the lace of your panties cups your pussy. Heâs been hard since he saw the video, but his need for you grows with every instruction you follow. so cute and compliant, wanting to do anything to make up for being so naughty. It makes him feel something heâs never felt before.
Youâre gripping the back of the loveseat when you feel his fingers trace the slit of your pussy through the lace, pressing a little harder at where your hole is, chuckling when you push back against him. âDoes that feel good?â You nod, trying not to speak to not embarrass yourself. He didnât like that, making you yelp when he suddenly smacked your left ass cheek with a good amount of force, turning to look at him in shock. âUse your voice.â
âyes ryoâŚâ
He hummed, peeling your panties to the side. You were so wet, Sukunaâs eyes were glued to the little strings of arousal that stuck to his fingers whenever he pulled them away, âWhat a nasty little pussy you haveâoh look! She winked at meâ You want to shove your head into a wall, feeling your body heat up at the way he talked. so shameless.
âWhy donât you go get me that vibrator, princess.â He gives you a kiss on your ass cheek, the same one he spanked, before pulling away. You obey, returning to the living room again, this time with the egg shaped toy. He makes you sit down, spreading your thighs as he teases you with it, dragging it up and down your slit to get it wet. Your hips gently rock against the sensation, getting choked up as he suddenly pushes it in and pulls your panties back into place.
He makes you kneel on the floor in front of him, already having downloaded and connected the device to his phone. Your eyes are still puffy, and you look up at him with such guilt. He canât help but lean down to capture your lips, making out with you until youâre panting with your lips all swollen. When he pulls away, he decides to turn the vibration onto a low setting, enjoying the way your eyes become droopy and soft puffs of air leave your mouth. âYou wanna suck my cock, pretty girl?â
You rub your thighs together, eyes finally looking down at the thick print he left in his sweats. You look up at him, nodding. "Yes, pleaseâ he leans back, getting comfortable, âthen go ahead.â
You feel nervous as your hands begin to pull at the strings of his pants, tugging to pull them down. His boxers are tight, giving you an even better glance at just how big he truly was. Before your regular hookups started, you always fantasized about how big Sukuna was. Hearing girl after girl scream his name until their throats went sore and watching them limp out of the apartment the next day was kind of telling, but you were starting to think that you underestimated just how big he was.
With every ounce of courage you could muster, you began to peel his underwear off, your eyes widening when his long cock came out in all its glory. It was huge. not just in length, but in girth, and it was pretty. He kept himself clean, hair trimmed but not shaved, and his pretty tip oozed milky pre-cum, lightly dripping down his dick. âgonâ keep starinâ or what?â
Sukuna indulged in the look on your face as you stared at him, it gave him an ego boost when you tried to wrap your hand around his cock just to realize you couldnât fully cover it. âtâs big right?â You didnât answer, knowing he already knew what your response would be, and instead leaned forward to spit on it, your thumb moving to spread the liquid on his tip. He let out a breathy moan, cock twitching when you licked his vein hesitantly, âthatâs it, good girlâ
You attempted to take as much of him in your mouth as you could, ignoring the way your throat protested. Sukunaâs hands tangled in your hair, jaw loosening, while he watched the way you bobbed your head, looking up at him with teary eyes. spit seeped from your mouth, making it messy and noisy as the sound of your little gags filled the living room, âOh, fuck yeahâtake it allâ
He began to fuck your mouth, pace picking up until he was roughly thrusting, eyes rolling back. You focused on ignoring your gag reflex until you suddenly felt a strong vibration in your cunt, immediately pulling away as you let out a cry. You had drool dripping down your chin, and your moans came out hoarse from his brutal thrusts, âKuna'âtoo much!â
scoffing, he grabbed your head again, âkeep going.â
you huffed, putting him back in your mouth when the vibrations increased again. you moaned around his cock, your head feeling empty as all you could do it suck on his tip haphazardly, pulling away to pant helplessly. you rested your head on his thigh, hand squeezing his length. âcanât do it, Ryoâ
Your hips rut onto nothing, pathetically looking up at him as the toy brutally massaged your g-spot. You looked so angelic, messy with tears, spit, and precum all over you. Sukuna cooâd, hand reaching down to caress your cheek, âsâ too much?â You nodded, tongue lolling out as you began to feel the buildup of an orgasm, whining as your other hand gripped his. Your mind was going numb, sight getting splotchy.
Your hold on his hand tightened when your body began to squirm uncontrollably, a cry leaving your lips before your vision blacked out momentarily. You woke up feeling like you were in a puddle, Sukuna laughing as you looked down in confusion, âguess you werenât lying, princess.â
You choked when you realized you had squirted on the floor, feeling embarrassed by just how easy he made overwhelming you. Before you could let the shame consume you, Ryomen was pulling you up and onto the couch. âWanna try again?â
He tugged on the toy, playing with the different settings, until you became a babbling mess. He jerked his cock off lazily, getting off to the pleas of his name on repeat. his thumb reached down to play with your clit, your plush thighs immediately closing as your head shook back and forth, ân-no, hurts!â he pried your thighs open, spanking your cunt making you whine.
âNuh uh, hold your legs open,â You struggle to follow his orders, shaky hands gripping your thighs to present yourself to him. He let a glob of spit fall out of his mouth and onto your already drenched pussy, spreading it with his fingers. He made you cum two times before he finally allowed himself to take out the tiny egg, throwing it carelessly across the room because now it was the least of his worries.
Leaning down, he kissed your swollen bud, a mewl escaping your lips when he brought it into his mouth and sucked. You swear he was making you see stars, Sukuna growled when he tasted your sweet nectar meet his awaiting tongue, hand reaching up to move your bra and pinch your nipple. The pleasure he gave you was immense, overstimulating not only your poor body but your mind. âsâkuna! waitââ
He shoved his fingers in your mouth, quieting your sobs as his cruel tongue played with your cunt. Everything he did was so vulgar, treating you like some whore, even letting little whispers of âmy pretty slutâ slip from his lips whenever you would buck into his mouth. âYou wanna ride my face, pretty? that what you want?â
You shook your head, pulling away from his fingers, âLaterâclose l-like this!â Your words made him feel giddy, putting more emphasis into every movement of his tongue. later implied this would happen again and Sukuna was more than ecstatic to make this a tradition.
You let go of your thighs, your hands gripping his hair to push him closer. You were so close, practically tasting it. Two fingers slowly pushed into you, followed by another, scissoring you open and rubbing against that sensitive part of you that made your body heat up. You let out a wail, tugging on his hair harder when you felt yourself cum, basically riding his face until you went limp. The orgasm so strong you felt light-headed, ears ringing, barely noticing Sukuna pulling away to show off his wet grin.
He loved how fucked out you looked, barely conscious and twitching. Without thinking twice, he reached down and ripped the fabric that was semi-covering your chest. It took you a second to register what happened, looking down at how the lilac fabric was now in multiple pieces and frowned. âh-hiromi got me that..â
Sukuna nodded, rolling his eyes, âSo?â
You couldnât even argue with him, brain fuzzy and most of your short sentences came out slurred anyway. Sukuna took your silence as a win, leaning down to lick and suck at your tits, leaving hickies all over the surface. You hummed, mouth opening as you felt the tip of his cock tease your entrance, slowly pushing into you. Your shaky hand pushed against his stomach, âRyo! tâs too big!â
but he just shook his head, moving to kiss you softly while his hand moved yours away to let him push in, lacing your fingers together by your head. It burned, the pain almost too much. However, Sukuna slowed his movement, letting his free hand go down to rub your clit. âIt's okay, baby, jusâ lemme in..â He went back to kissing you, continuing to thrust into you until he bottomed out.
When he pulled away, he watched how your face contorted and your eyebrows furrowed together when you felt the double stimulation. When you began to babble, hips pushing into his, he started to thrust, picking up speed with every second. His hand still held yours, the moment feeling incredibly intimate.
He was losing his mind. Your tightness felt unlike the pocket pussy he used to fuck. No, this was completely different. He liked holding your hand, feeling you grip onto his with such need or maybe it was the way you gazed into his eyes like he was the only man on earth⌠Either way, there was a warm feeling in his stomach and a need to prove himself. His movements were smooth as he thrusted into your sore cunt, enjoying the squeals you let out when it got too much, ignoring how you begged him to slow down or youâd cum. He felt like he was on fire, sweat dripping from his brow. He wanted this all the time, seven days a week.
He wanted you.
âOh, fuckâI'm gonna put a baby in youâyou like that? want to make a little family?â He sounded arrogant, like he had already made the decision for you. and maybe it was because of how fucked out you were, but his words didnât seem to bad..if anything, they made you squeeze him tighter and nod. âYes! Please, Kuna! want itâso badâ
âoh yeah? gonna cream in this pretty pussyâfill you up nicely,â you agreed, legs locking around him. âMake you the prettiest mommyâoh fuck!â Skin on skin along with the soft âplapâ from your dripping cunt echoed in the room, so loud you would probably get noise complaints, but that didnât matter.
All Sukuna could think about was breeding you, knowing that you would have to get rid of your little fuck buddies if he put a little spawn inside you. He could picture everything: the proposal, marriage, little children running around the house heâll buy you two. And the best part: itâll be free from Satoru.
He knew you were close when he felt your walls flutter, pleads getting higher before they got stuck in your throat as your eyes rolled back. He kept thrusting, working you through your orgasm before he finally released, pushing himself as deep as he could. He kissed you again, savoring the taste of your mouth and how, with every breath you let out, he sucked in.
He let you rest as he got up to clean. You would have offered to help if it wasnât for your brain fog and limbs that felt like jelly. You canât even remember how you got into your roomâonly the way he curled against you, placing delicate kisses all over your collarbone and neck, the sound of your giggles making his heart swell. He couldnât help but watch you as you drifted off to sleep, hoping that in the morning you wouldnât make an excuse for why this couldnât go farther.
The thought made him anxious, preventing him from closing his eyes because, in truth, if this was the end, he wanted to prolong it. He took in every detail of your face, listening to the sound of your patterned breathing and the feeling of your soft skin in his hands. His eyes grew heavy eventually, closing before he had the chance to fight it.
You woke up sore the next morning, feeling a muscular arm wrapped tightly around you. You didnât move, trying to plan out how to approach this situation. On one hand, the sex was amazing and youâve wanted him for years. and on the other, this could easily be nothing and confessing that would be useless. You were beyond frustrated and had a slight migraine, but refused to disturb him by getting up and having to face the conversation prematurely.
So you waited.
Minutes passed like hours; the longer time went by, the more anxious you grew. This felt so different than your regular hookupsâat least if things got complicated with one of them, you could just leave. but this was different. heâs different.
Sukuna slept quietly next to you, arm wrapped around you protectively. He shuffled slightly, signaling he was waking up. The realization made your heart beat faster, second guessing everything you'd prepared in your head until the sound of his raspy morning voice broke the silence, âGood morningâŚâ
âMorning,â your reply was quick, your back still facing him. He hums in acknowledgment, body shifting closer to you to firmly mold against your back. he moves into the crock of your neck to inhale how sweet you smell before pressing soft kisses onto the skin, the feeling ticklish and would have been enjoyable if it wasnât for your racing head. âsukuna?â
âmmhm?â He hums against your skin, sucking small markings onto the surface. You pull away to look at him, making sure to hold the blanket over your exposed chest, like it mattered. You had so much to say and yet didnât know where to start.
at the feeling of you pushing away, his eyes open, curious as to why you created the distance (and mild irritation because he liked how you felt against him). The arm he had around you moved to hold up his head, eyebrows raising. he studies the look on your face, noticing the tenseness in your movements. âWhatâs on your mind, princess?â
You debated how to approach this, but you were truly stumped. Youâve had plenty of hookups, but this isnât the same; you didnât really care for them. âWhat did last night mean?â
He was silent for a moment before a smirk graced his lips, hand reaching out to brush a stand of hair away before making its way to delicately cup your chin. âSo straightforward, huh?â He pulls you against him, arm wrapping around you to keep you flush against his chest. He watches you intently, looking for any reaction, âWhat do you want it to mean?â
You canât deny it catches you off guard, your breath hitching in your throat before you shrug, âI donât know... I guess if you just want it to be friendlyââ
His jaw tightens for a moment before a scoff leaves his mouth. His hand travels to your hips, fingers gently tracing it before gripping the soft flesh, âYou only see me as a friend?â
ânoâŚâ
Your response puts a sly grin on Ryoâs face. âThen why donât we cut the bullshit,â He gets impossibly closer, lips brushing yours teasingly. âBecause we both know weâre not friendsâŚâ
You canât stop the stupid smile that takes over your face, âDoes that mean that youâre myââ
He doesnât let you finish that sentence, a possessive glint flickering in his eyes as he cuts you off. âIâm gonna stop you there, loveâŚâ pushing you to lay on your back while he leans down over you. he moves closer, his mouth hovering next to your ear, his warm breath fanning across your skin ââŚbecause Iâm going to make it very clear who you belong to.â
a/n: and itâs doneđ although this is the last in the series, i still have some drafts/asks that i may get to at some point but i wanted to give you guys some type of ending :) was gonna post this yesterday but didnât like the original ending i had so i had to redo it. also, did yâall notice the jungkook easter eggđ
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From Gold to Mold
Chapter 10: The Meeting
As the Megamycete watches as you stomp around your room and vent your frustrations about the last few days, it begins to wonder how the Bats came to remember their little black sheep and why they are so insistent you return to Gotham.
It searches through your memories and experiences all the sadness, fear, anger, hatred, and loneliness you experienced for years, all those emotions still so potent even after your departure from the manor four years ago, having been dredged up by their unwelcome visits. It was clear that, besides the butler, none of them considered you a part of their merry band of misfits, not even bothering to spare you a passing glance.
The exception to this is the youngest one, Damian, who constantly went out of his way to make your life harder by mocking you, hurting you, and releasing his menagerie of pets on you, forcing you to run through the endless halls of the mansion barricade yourself in the closest room you could find.
Now, after four years after your escape and maintaining little contact with the family butler, they show up on your door, one after the other, trying to force you to leave your perfect life for one that brought you nothing but pain and misery.
Why?
Why do they want you so much?
Why do they insist on you returning to a place you clearly hate?
Why do they now wish to give you the love they denied you for so long?
Whyâ
Wait, they are meeting in their little cave, gathering around the massive computer in the center of the massive cavern.
Its roots have long since surrounded the cave and it is still connected to the main colony back in Gotham, but when it took you as its host, it has had no need to tap into its roots to see the world above when it can see the world through your eyes and experience it through your senses.
Using its roots to see the outside world no longer has the same appeal when your senses are far more vibrant and provide far more detail.
When it proposed you become its host, it must admit, it never thought it would be so mutually beneficial. Of course, it would be able to leave the cavern and finally experience a world firsthand that had been forever just out of reach for over four-hundred years, but you would recover from your injuries and be akin to a god among men with your newfound abilities. You were the one who had more to gain from your joining, but it was willing to trade one prison for another if it meant finally seeing the world above and having someone to talk to.
But you proved it wrong.
When it became a part of you, you treated it like a person, not a thing. You value its input and alter your plans if it desires to see or experience something. You frequently talk to it, telling it things that you havenât told anyone else and speaking to it like it was a lifelong friend.
It has no further use for that toxic city and its citizens when it has the warm haven of Goodsprings and you to keep it company.
It has come to admire you, even going as far as to see you as a friend and confidant, and wants nothing but the best for you as you so rightfully deserve and to see you suffer teaches it a new definition of rage.
âRunning blood tests,â your failure of a father says as he types on the keyboard, causing a machine next to the massive device to make noises.
âIf Master Y/N does test positive for the Meta Gene, what do you intend to do, Master Bruce,â the butler, the only one in this crowd it respects, asks.
âIf Y/N is a meta, Iâll have to find out what his powers are and how to counter it.â
So thatâs what this meeting is about, they managed to put the pieces together that you are no mere human. But how did they manage to get a sample of your blood? Since your joining, you have had no need for doctors as its influence makes you immune against common illnesses and diseases.
âGetting his blood was a simple task,â Damian taunts. âHonestly, this would have been solved already if you sent me, Father.â
Of course. It should have known the little menace gave up too easily.
While you hate Bruce Wayne in every sense of the word, Damian Wayne is right behind him. From the moment you met him, he went up of his way to make your life a living nightmare and was allowed to get away with impunity due to obvious favoritism from Dick Grayson.
The memory of Dick defending Damian after he gave you a scar made the Megamycete furious. No matter his upbringing, he had no right to harm you, and yet, he was allowed to draw his sword on you. It was only pure luck that you managed to move to avoid being critically wounded, only resulting in a scar.
The Megamycete has seen your many fantasies of hurting Damian and making him feel inferior and wants to help you make them a reality.
âResults are in,â Bruce announces, making them all crowd around the computer.
âNo Meta Gene,â Tim remarks, staring at the monitor with alarming intensity.
âYeah, but look,â Jason exclaims, pointing at one of the results. âHeâs got something in him that doesnât belong.â
âFor once, Todd is right. The tests show foreign substances in his blood.â
âWait,â Tim mutters as he leans over and begins typing on the computer, bringing up an extensive menu and going through various files. âThat looks so familiar.â An image is pulled up on the monitor. âHere it is! The stuff in his blood matches the stuff found in what remained of Joker.â
Well, this is rather unfortunate. It had hoped that there would be very little of the clown left to examine after his execution by your hand, but as usual, these people cannot resist poking into areas they do not belong.
âIf this is substance is in Master Y/Nâs blood, does that mean he is responsible for Jokerâs death?â
âBruce, you canât lock up Y/N after bringing him home,â Dick whines. âYou have to admit, your thing with Joker was only going to end one way!â
âWe donât even know if Y/N killed Joker,â Tim interjects. âItâs possible this strain of mold was in both of them and Jokerâs was somehow activated, killing him.â
âThatâs not exactly comforting, Drake,â Damian responds, glaring at Tim. âThat means that Y/N could be in danger. If I had my pick, I would he be responsible for Jokerâs death. Knowing he can take down as formidable as the Joker is proof he is a Wayne and my brother.â
If it had eyes, the Megamycete would roll them. This insecure little terror spent years making it clear he saw you as an interloper into his âperfect worldâ and not as a brother and that you are a disgrace to the Wayne bloodline (although that bloodline was tainted far before you came to be). He has some nerve to call you his brother now.
It still made it angry that he had the nerve to critique your mother (your memories of her painted the woman as a saint) when his mother, the daughter of a millennium-old maniac with delusions of grandeur (yes, you are very aware of his familiar secrets) who drugged Bruce in order to bring him into the world.
âWe need to bring him back here, Bruce,â Dick says, defusing a fight between the two. âIf heâs in danger, he needs to be back home.â
âI agree,â Bruce responds. âCass, you and I will go. Iâll distract him and while heâs busy yelling at me, youâll sneak up behind him and inject him with a tranquilizer.â
The mute nods and the Megamycete wishes it has a mouth so it can scream. Not only is it offensive that they believe you are stupid enough to fall for such an obvious trick, but that they believe they have the right to decide something like this on your behalf.
If they have failed to realize that you want nothing to do with them after you have yelled it at them, perhaps they will understand if it tells so itself.
And it knows the perfect form to take.
He stands up from the chair and makes his way to the armory where they keep the tranquilizers meant for the larger criminals, like Bane and Killer Croc.
He hates the thought of using such methods against you, but youâve made it clear you arenât going to come back to Gotham willingly and the discovery of this mysterious mold inside you has forced their hand.
Nevertheless, improvisation is one of their many skills, a requirement in their line of work. Once they have you back home, theyâll be able to conduct more in-depth tests and be able to find out whatâs wrong with you and go from there.
As much as he hates the idea of you possibly being in pain and may even be in danger, he canât deny thereâs a small inside him thatâs glad this has happened. This discovery accelerates their plans and will have you brought home far sooner.
And, thereâs the chance that this mold may explain most of your hatred towards them. Sure, he knows you have every right to despise them, but when he saw the look in your eye when you pushed him down that night of the award ceremony. He could tell you enjoyed inflicting pain on him.
This stuff in you mustâve made your temper more volatile and made you lash out at them.
Itâs the only explanation.
âExcuse us,â a familiar voice calls throughout the cave, stoping his dead in his tracks.
That voice⌠No, it canât be. Thereâs no wayâŚ
He turns around to see you, standing in the cave, all of them looking right at you. The small smile on your face making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
âWe believe there are some things we should talk about,â you say as you walk closer to them, making his children back up with each step you take.
âNo fucking way,â Jason remarks, his eyes wide as saucers.
âWait,â Tim says as he rushes over to the computer and rapidly types on the keyboard. âYou canât be Y/N. His phone says heâs still in Goodsprings and weâve been monitoring his GPS signal, so thereâs no way you couldâve come all the way to Gotham from Nevada without us knowing!â
Thatâs right, theyâve been monitoring your phone ever since Alfred helped them remember you, tracking you every move and committing your searches, social media usage, and all your texts and phone calls. They wouldâve done the same to your computers that are linked to your phone, but your cybersecurity is tougher than they anticipated (clearly custom) and they havenât been able to crack the encryption.
He knew you were skilled at making videos games, but he didnât know your skills with technology expanded into cybersecurity. Ever since they made that discovery, Timâs spent nearly all day trying to pierce your firewalls, but hasnât made any progress. Heâs also made it clear he wants to have lengthy conversations on computers and programming with you once youâre back home.
So, youâre still in Goodsprings, so who the hell is this, why the hell would they take your form, and how the hell did they get into the Cave without setting off any of the dozens of alarms or sensors?
âWho are youâ Damian hisses, taking a defensive posture. âAnd what gives you the right to assume the form of my brother?â
âYou have some nerve calling him your brother,â the Not-You hisses back, the smile morphing into an all-too familiar snarl. âHe is too good for you, for any of you.â
Even though he knows this isnât you, hearing those words in your voice still hurts him.
âDo you know Master Y/N,â Alfred interjects, trying to bring tensions down, most likely so he can learn more from this person.
âYes, we do,â Not-You responds, looking at the butler, the snarl morphing into a look of⌠admiration? âAnd we know you, Alfred Pennyworth. We know of you and how you helped him during his stay in this wretched mansion. You have our gratitude.â
âLook, whoever you are, stop taking Y/Nâs form,â Steph exclaims. âYouâre obviously a shapeshifter, so turn back to normal! Or the very least, take a different form!â
âOh, do you all wish for us to take another form,â the Not-You asks, a ghost of a smirk gracing âyourâ face.
âYes,â Bruce says without hesitation.
Itâs bad enough to see you look at them with such hatred, he wonât tolerate some imposter doing the same thing.
âVery well.â
Before them all, the Not-You turns into a shifting mass of some type of black organic mass before taking on a humanoid shape once again and Bruceâs heart stops when he takes in the new form.
âHello, Bruce,â the shapeshifter says in a voice he hasnât heard in years.
Not since that fateful night in Crime Alley.
âGood God,â Alfred says, his eyes wide and his jaw practically on the floor.
In front of them is his mother, every detail exactly how she was that night, still adorned in her favorite pearl necklace and wearing her green dress.
As he stares at her looking at him with those eyes that use to look at him with nothing less than unconditional love, he feels his breathing start to become erratic and eyes begin to mist up.
âWhatâs wrong, Bruce,â the shapeshifter says in her voice (god, even her voice was exactly how he remembered) as they begin to walk towards him, making him step back. âI thought you would be happy to see me. It has been so long since I was killed.â
âNo,â he says, his voice barely louder than a whisper. âYouâre not her. You canât be.â
âBut I am. Do you not see? I know everything you have done.â His motherâs face then morphs into a disgusted snarl, making him sick to his stomach. âAnd I am absolutely disgusted in you! Why did we have to die that night? Why not the disgrace we once called our son!â
He knows this isnât his mother and she never wouldâve called him a disgrace, but hearing those words in a voice heâs longed to hear for so long makes him want to cry.
Heâs had dreams of seeing his motherâs in the flesh again and now he has to endure this berating? Is he truly that horrible of a man to deserve this?
âStop it, you bitch,â Jason exclaims as he steps between Bruce and the shapeshifter. âTake another form or get the fuck outta here!â
âOh, you want us to another form?â His⌠the shapeshifter shifts once again and in his motherâs place isâŚ
âHiya, Dead Hood,â Joker exclaims before exclaiming in that all-too familiar cackle and waving around a crow bar in his hand. âDid you miss me?â
It doesnât take a detective to notice Jason tense up and his breathing stop; Joker left a mark on Jason that unfortunately will never be erased (another shortcoming that eats away at Bruce everyday) and whenever news of Joker escaping Arkham would bring up all the anger, fear, and sadness that was planted in Jason that night he died.
After Joker was killed, he noticed a weight seemed to be lifted off of Jasonâs shoulders. Sure, he made jokes about the clown burning in hell, but Bruce could see he was genuinely happy and was ready to move on form that horrible chapter in his life.
And now, all that trauma is about to be dug back up after four years.
âYou have five fucking seconds to take another form before I beat the shit outta you,â Jason says in a tone that says he means business, his eyes flickering into that shade of Lazarus green.
âHow about this form,â the shapeshifter says in Jokerâs voice before changing into John Grayson, making Dick tense up. âOr this form?â John Grayson then shifts into Janet Drake, making Tim tense up.
âAlright, you made your point,â Barbara shouts. âJust turn back into Y/N.â
And with that, the shapeshifter takes your form again.
âWho are you,â Bruce growls, pissed that his sons have had their trauma jabbed at. âWe know youâre not Y/N, but you know him and us.â
You may call us the Megamycete.â
âMegamycete,â Tim asks. âSo, youâre not human?â
âNo, we are a super colony of mold given sentience via a Lazarus Pit.â
âOf course a fucking pitâs involved,â Jason mutters.
âWhatâs your tie to Y/N,â Dick interjects.
âY/N is our host. Before, we were confined to a cavern beneath this city, but when we joined with him, we were freed from our prison.â
âSo, youâre using him.â
The Megamycete glares at Bruce for his accusation.
âNo, he and us operate on mutual trust and respect. Y/N is a respectable young man.â A smirk appears on âyourâ face. âA trait he clearly did not inherent from you.â
The words hit him like a punch to the gut. Even though this thing is probably the reason why you feel so much hate towards them, it still pains him to know this is his reality.
âWere you responsible for the Jokerâs death,â Steph chimes in. âWe found weird strains of mold in his remains and youâre a walking, talking pile of mold.â
âWhile we are not directly responsible for the Jokerâs death, we do not deny we were involved. That night, Y/N took us out to Amusement Mile to celebrate when we learned the Joker was sighted in an arcade. Upon seeing the many deaths left in his wake, our host took matters into his own hands and eliminated the biggest threat this city had ever seen.â It gives Bruce a wide smirk. âIn a single night, our host did more to help Gotham than you and your brood have done in years.â
Knowing you were responsible for killing Joker didnât sit well with him. Sure, heâd accepted that Jokerâs games were only going to end with one or both of them being dead a long time ago, but knowing that you, his son, had killed himâŚ
âWhat about Harley,â Dick asks, breaking Bruce out of his thoughts. âHe killed her too?â
âShe forced his hand. He had no choice.â
âWhat do you mean he had no choice,â Dick shouts. âDid you force him?â
âDo not be stupid,â it says, glaring at his first son. âOur host was in complete control of his actions that night. We no more control his actions than you. The woman was a lost cause, without Joker to keep her in line, she would have punished all of Gotham as retribution for the loss of her love. Also, she would have informed you of him, causing you to devote all your resources to finding him. In order to both save Gotham from her wrath and himself from your scrutiny, Harley had to die.â
No, this thing has to be lying. Thereâs no way you, one of his sons, could ever rationalize killing someone. It had to have forced you to kill them. It had toâŚ
âHow did you even find Y/N,â Damian interjects.
Upon being asked that question, it smiles. And not a normal smile, but a smile that says it knows something they donât know and something tells Bruce heâs not going to like it.
âHe was thrown into our cavern after being left for dead.â
Bruce hears the words, but they just donât process.
You were⌠left for dead? When? How?
âIt was four years ago, while the butler was on his vacation. That day, his boss was forced to retire due to Gothamâs high crime, so he was forced to find another bus stop within Crime Alley as he had no other way of returning here, where he was unfortunately captured by three thugs and takes to a cabin in the nearby forest. They intended to ransome him off for a high price due to his school uniform.â
You were held hostage? Why didnât you call for them? For him?
He knows you have no reason to think heâd help you with homework, but surely youâd call him if you were everâ
Just then, memories from that time frame kick in.
RandomâŚ
Phone callâŚ
Oh⌠Oh noâŚ
âSince the butler was out of the country, he actually reached out and gave the thugs the phone number for this manor.â
He so desperately wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
âYou said all your children were with you and you all laughed and mocked the leader of the thugs.â
He sees all his children tense up at the realization and Alfred looks at him to see if it was true. Based on the butlerâs look of shock and disbelief, he knows itâs the truth.
âThe one time he reaches out to you for help, you laugh and mock. He needed you and you failed him in the worst way possible.â
He remembers that night. He thought it was so stupid that someone would think he wouldnât know when one of his kids were missing. He said all his children were with him and meant it.
God, he really is the worst, isnât he?
âAfter that phone call, the leader took all his frustrations out on our host, beating him until he could cry out for mercy no longer before shooting him in the head.â
He wants to cry when the image of you being beat up enters his head, and based on the way he flinches, so does Jason, who looks like he wants to cry.
Alfred looks like heâs ready to go nuclear and Bruce doesnât blame him. Hearing all this years later and he had no idea what happened just proves he was never worthy of being your father.
âHe was on the brink of death and had he not accepted our offer to become our host, he would be dead and the world would have been deprived of a brilliant mind.â
The thought of you dying brings a brunch of thoughts to the surface.
How long would it had taken him to notice you were missing?
How would he reacted upon learning you were dead?
Chances are your body wouldâve never been found and all there would be to remember you by would be a tombstone with your name in the Wayne Cemetery. Hell, youâve made it clear you want nothing to do with the Wayne name, so you probably wouldâve never agreed to be buried with the rest of the Waynes.
âOur joining restored him to full health and gave him access to many powers, including our records.â
âRecords,â Tim asks, clearly interested in this.
âWe have existed for four-hundred years, our roots expanding towards every corner of this city. As our roots touched those buried beneath the ground, not only have we watched the goings-on of Gotham, but we absorbed the memories, knowledge, and structure of the deceased. As horrible as the city is, it has attracted many brilliant minds, like artists, scientists, engineers, and many more. He has access to the knowledge of these people, making him one of the smartest humans alive.â It chuckles. âIn fact, many of your employees are in our records and he used this knowledge to get revenge on you, selling the secrets of your company to Lex Luthor for a tidy sum.â
You were the one who did that? Heâs been racking his brain and reviewing network logs to find any sort of security breach and it was you using the remains of his dead employees.
âAlright, so that solves a lot of mysteries,â Dick interjects. âBut that still leaves one: why are you here?â
âWe have been by our hostâs since that fateful night, peering through his memories and seeing the world through his eyes. Ever since he was forced to move to Gotham, none of you ever made him feel welcome here. For years, he wanted nothing more than to return to his rightful home, where he knew nothing but love. Now, after four years since his departure from this wretched manor, you appear, one after another, trying to bring him back to a place he despises more than anywhere else. We wish to know why.â
âHeâs my son,â Bruce answers, not liking what this thing has to say.
âHeâs family,â Dick adds. âOf course weâd want him back.â
âBut none of you have ever made him feel that way. And if you are honest with yourselves, you never saw him as one of your own. You only want him because you feel guilty about how you treated him, and that guilt is making you believe you are owed a second chance. And you seek to obtain that second chance, no matter how much harm it does to him.â
âYou donât know what the fuck youâre taking about,â Jason exclaims, clearly getting more and more pissed. âYeah, we fucked up! But that doesnât change the fact that heâs a part of this fucked up family!â
âHe was never a part of this family. We know for a fact that he wishes he could take out the Wayne DNA and return it.â
âThatâs because youâre manipulating him,â Damian interjects. âNothing will change the fact that heâs my blood brother.â
âIt is funny you say that when the last interaction you had with him was a fight.â It lifts hits arm and manifests a gold pen in its hand. âDo you remember this? This is the pen you tried to steal from him and then threw out into the rain when he gave you a much deserved slap upside your head. Do you know the significance of this item to our host?â
Bruce gets the feeling that heâs not going to like why that pen is so important to you and based off Alfredâs expression, that feeling gets even worse.
âThis pen once belonged to his mother, made by her father when she set out to become an author. When she was taken from him, this pen was the only thing he had to remember her by. And you, the arrogant beast that you are, felt you had the right to take this, his most treasured possession, from him.â It turns its gaze from Damian to the rest of them. âAnd the rest of you supported this irreverent mongrel and condemned our host without listening to him before passing judgment.â
It seems like a day canât go by that Bruce feels like the scum of the earth; ever since he learned of how he neglected you for years and forgot you even existed, his sense of worth has taken hit after hit. He was thinking about that argument you had with Damian and how furious he was when you refused to obey him not too long ago, thinking how stupid it was for you to cause so much trouble over a simple pen. Now to find out that âsimple penâ was the only thing you had to remember your mother byâŚ
It just never ends, does it?
He could spend the rest of his life atoning for everything heâs ever done to you, spend his last dollar to make your wildest dreams come true and heâd never come close to earning your forgiveness.
He knows heâs not the best father for his children, but he was never worthy of being your father and heâs certainly not that now.
âY/N,â he whispers, knowing this isnât you, but it has your face, your vice, and your memories, so itâs the next best thing. âIâm sorry. Iâm so sorry.â
He knows tears are falling from his eyes, surprising both Alfred and his children. He doesnât want them to see him like this, but he canât help it; the last few days have been one emotional turmoil after another and heâs reached his limits.
He failed his baby in every way possible.
âNow you understand,â it responds as it walks closer to him. âYou fulfilled your purpose, Mr. Wayne. You brought Y/N into this world and had him brought to Gotham, where he was delivered into our custody. Now please, do not worry for him, we assure you we will provide him with true happiness. Go on, all you have to do is stay in Gotham and out of our hostâs business.â
âFather,â Damian exclaims. âYou canât possibly be considering this!â
âBruce,â Dick adds. âYou arenât going to actually do it, right?â
âDonât fuck this up, Bruce,â Jason adds.
âWe canât just give up on him,â Tim adds.
âYeah, heâs your son,â Barbara adds.
âHeâs our brother,â Steph adds.
âFamily doesnât give up on one another,â Cass signs.
âMaster Bruce,â Alfred warns, clearly not pleased at the thought of giving up on you.
He should, though. He knows that heâll never be worthy of calling himself your father and youâve made it clear you hate him and your siblings in every sense of the word. You wanted to go back to your childhood home in Goodsprings, a place that made you feel loved, something his home never made you feel. And the last four years were good to you based off your appearance and success. Plus, you had the Megamycete, that apparently has been more of a family to you than them.
If he was a good person, heâd put your needs and wants ahead of yours and agree to leave you alone and tell his children to do the same. Repeatedly harassing you would only make you hate them more and widen the gap between you and them. You donât need them and clearly learned how to live without them. Over the past few days, heâs gathered every piece of information about you he can find and from what he sees, you love it in Goodsprings and fully intend on living in the house you and your mother lived.
But heâs not a good person, not by a long shot.
The night his parents were gunned down like animals in that disgusting alley, his sadness had turned into a bright inferno of rage; he wanted to inflict on every criminal that he met every ounce of his never ending vengeance and make them so afraid of him that they refuse to step outside whatever hole they call home, so that no one ever has to lose a child, a parent, a friend, or a loved one to some scumbag with a gun. That was his reason for donning the cowl.
After his parents were taken from him, he made it his mission to never lose anything of his ever again and two things that he holds dear more than anything in this world are Gotham and his family. And as long as heâs breathing, heâll hold onto those two things until the bitter end.
Is it possible that in his mission to protect his city from Arkhamâs inmates have made him forget the little details? Of course, Gotham needs Bruce Wayne as much as it needs Batman.
Is it possible that his need to hold onto his children with an iron grip has made him lose them on multiple occasions? Absolutely, heâs constantly remembering that his children are their own people and that even though they may leave him, theyâll always come home.
And thatâs what his situation is with you. He knows he fucked up with you and he can never undo the damage heâs done to you, it doesnât change the fact that you are his blood, his son, his firstborn.
You belonged to him the moment you were born and thereâs nothing that can change that. He wishes he could go back in time and accept the gift of your affection that his past self spurred, but he canât (his time as a Justice League member has taught him that going back in time is more trouble than itâs worth) and his only option is to move forward and make you see that the only place in this world for you is with him and your siblings here in Gotham, a city that has and always will belong to the Waynes.
And right now, this Megamycete is an obstacle standing in his way of completing his family. And if thereâs one thing Bruce is very good at over the years, itâs overcoming obstacles.
âNo.â
âPardon,â it says, confusion etched onto its face.
âNo,â he says loudly, making it clear he has no intention on letting you go. âY/N is my son and their brother. He belongs here, with me and his family, not in some backwater town with some sentient mushroom. Weâll find a way to bring him back here and separate the two of you. And when we do, heâll have all the time in the world to realize this is where he needs to be. Once he realizes that, all of Gotham will celebrate his return.â
He looks around and sees not only does his family seem happy with that statement, but they think the same as him.
The Megamycete looks at him, silent, seemingly shocked at his statement.
Then, it begins to laugh. First, just soft chuckles, then a laugh so loud, it echoes off the walls of the cave.
âOur host was right, you have clearly lost what sanity you had left. You reject him for years and now that you realize your folly, you seek to make amends? Please, spare us your delusions. This has nothing to do with our host and everything to do with your guilt. The moment you feel absolved, you will return to the status quo and forget he exists.â It motions to his children. âYou have plenty of children here to drown in your need for forgiveness, surely you can make do with one of them.â
Then, it leans closer towards him, a smug look adorning its face.
âAlso, Y/N belongs to us. He has the moment he fell into our cavern and will continue to until the end of time. Attempt to take him from us and you will suffer the same fate as those three thugs who left him for dead.â
Itâs then another mystery gets solved: the slaughter at My Alibi. The three men in the back of the dining room who looked like they had gone through a meat grinder. That was your doing and they had been the ones to kidnap you and leave you for dead.
While he never advocates for killing people, heâs more than happy to make an exception for them. If they tried to kill you, they deserved to be slaughtered.
He only wishes they were still alive so he could pay them a visit before being turned over to Red Hood.
âWeâve fought plenty of Metas in the past. Do you really think youâll be any different?â
âWe have the knowledge and wisdom of countless people over the course of four-hundred years, all of them at the disposal of our host. You still think of him as that timid little thing from all those years ago, but he has become so much more since our joining. You believe yourselves superior than the rest of the general population, but you will find our host far surpasses you in every respect. He also possesses one thing your past adversaries never will.â
âAnd whatâs that?â
âUnbridled hatred towards you.â
He wants to laugh at that. This thing must not have watched too carefully if it thinks people like Joker, Penguin, Poison Ivy, and so many in Arkham donât hate his guts. Heâs spent years being cursed at by all of Gothamâs rogues and beating all of the Riddlerâs countless murder attempts to know Batman is at the top of many peopleâs Most Hated lists.
âIf you donât think half of Arkham doesnât have dart boards with our pictures on them, youâre not as smart as you think you are,â Steph mocks.
âWe do not doubt the genuine animosity the inmates hold towards you, but they are too far gone to imagine a life without any of you; you have foiled many of their crimes so many times, it has become one of the few constants in their lives. Every time they are put back in Arkham, they devote their time to coming up with their next attempt to best you until it is the only thing they care about. If any one of them were to ever defeat you, they would eventually realize how empty their lives are without you and their victory would soon sour.
âJoker would be a perfect example of this as he was as obsessed with you as you were of him.â
As much as he hates to admit it, the talking pile of mold is right. The clown made it clear that as much as he hated Batman, he was just as obsessed with him, going as far as to go after any criminal that took up too much of his time, Harley included in that.
And Bruce was just as obsessed with Joker, coming up with countless contingencies to counter any plot his sick and twisted mind could come up with, as well as devising security protocols and measures for Arkham to keep him contained and treatment plans to find a way possible bring his sanity back (assuming he had any to begin with).
âBut our host is not like them. He has longed for a life free of you lot and now that he has that, he has no intention of surrendering it. Attempt to force him to return to this wretched manor and he will be more than happy to bring his fantasies of killing you a reality.â
He knows you hate them, but hearing that you hate them enough to fantasize about killing them cuts him deep.
âPlease, I tried to kill Tim and Bruce back when I returned to Gotham,â Jason mocks, but Bruce can see Jasonâs obviously concerned about hearing you thinking about killing them. âAnd Damian took a few tries at Tim. Everyone in this fucked up familyâs got anger issues, itâs nothing weird.â
âYou are kidding yourself if you believe you and that monster can a hold a candle to his fury. Your so-called anger is nothing more than a candle compared to the inferno that is his rage. You will feel the full might of his righteous fury, which will swallow you whole and leave nothing behind. And when you all are dead, you will be denied entry into our records.â
âSo you donât plan to absorb us,â Dick asks.
âOur host is the one who made that decision. To be added to our records is to be a part of us, and to be a part of us is to be a part of our host. He refuses to have you in his life in any way.â A small smile etches across its face. âWe agree with his way of thinking. When you are gone, there will be nothing left and the world will forget any of you ever existed. And that is when our hostâs revenge will finally be complete.â
It takes everything Bruce has to not flinch.
With this⌠thing inside you, what are you capable of? Would you really attack them with intent to kill? Would you really murder your own family?
âMake all the threats you want, creature,â Damian boldly states. âNothing will stop us from bringing Y/N home.â
âThen this concludes our meeting, we suppose. We had hoped that we could convince you the best thing for you and our host would be to leave him alone and let the past rest, but we see now you all are too deep into your delusions to see reason. We look forward to seeing our host tear you apart, bit by bit.â
In the blink of an eye, the Megamycete turns bone white and crumbles like chalk, scattering all over the floor, leaving them all to stare at the remains in silence.
âSo,â Alfred says, breaking the silence. âWas anyone ever going to tell me about a call regarding a random?â
The tension becomes so think, Bruce thinks heâll start to choke on it. He racks his brain to come up with any answer, but doesnât find any. At lease not one that wonât make Alfred pissed.
Clearly his children came to the same conclusion, because they remained silent as well, looking away or at the floor when he met their gaze.
âI have to say out of all the disgraceful things all of you have done throughout the years, this definitely takes the cake. I know Master Y/N wasnât a priority for any of you, but I never wouldâve dreamed you would allow him to be put in danger like being held hostage by common thugs.â Every word he says is dripping in venom. âI am absolutely disgusted with all of you.â
The words cut him deep and he deserves it. It was thanks to his incompetence that led to you being kidnapped, beaten to a pulp, shot in the head, and tossed into a cavern like trash and left for dead in a place no one would ever find you.
Thereâs nothing he can do that will ever make up for all that heâs done to you. He can apologize until he loses his voice permanently, spend all his money to buy you apology gifts, and subject himself to whipping by your hand until heâs lost every bit of his skin and heâd never scratch the surface of everything heâs done to you.
You came to him, a scared little child who just lost his mother and was forced to move to a massive city to live with a man heâs never met and all you wanted was for him to tell you that he loved you and that everything was going to be alright, but no, he was too caught up in his work as Batman instead of finding a healthy way of dealing with losing Jason.
But thatâs not all he did, was it?
As much as he wants to, he canât deny that he replaced you with Tim after the boy lost his parents. He suffered the same loss as you, but he gave Tim the help he needed while denying it to you. But thatâs his fault, not Timâs. His inadequacies are his alone to deal with, not any of his childrenâs (a lesson he keeps forgetting).
And he did the same thing several more times, bringing in more children and giving them all the love and affection you were denied as a child. He canât help but wonder what went through your mind as you saw him spending time with them, both in groups and individually. And when you watched them hanging out in the dining room when they came home from patrol, enjoying themselves and each other while you were left alone in some room barely the size of a closet.
God, how many times did you wonder when youâd be asked to join before giving up?
When exactly did you give up on them?
And of course, he canât forget about how he handled you and Damian meeting, another sign he was never fit to be a father. He knew Damianâs LoA upbringing left him unable to interact with others the proper way, but he still allowed him to see you (because he never considered your safety a priority) and allowed the boy to draw a sword on you, give you a scar on your face, and make several threats on you and insult your mother.
And what did he do after that?
Did he do the responsible thing by taking away the sword, scold the boy for his unacceptable behavior, and make it clear you were his brother and that heâs not allowed to hurt you?
No, of course not.
He did nothing but carry Damian off while allowing him to shout even more threats and insults, thinking nothing about the harm you just experienced and thinking Damian would just outgrow of his behavior on his own.
If he had to guess, it was probably that day you realized you didnât matter to him and that Damian was the only one he considered a biological son.
Y/N, his baby boy.
Heâs so sorry.
âThis doesnât change anything,â Bruce finally says, making his family turn their eyes to him. âWe still need to bring Y/N home. Meeting this Megamycete just makes it more important we get him back to the manor.â
âAnd if Master Y/N fights you? Based off what you were able to gather from both crime scenes, this Megamycete appears to make him a formidable opponent.â
âWe can find a way to neutralize it,â Tim chimes in, motioning to the crumbled remains. âIâll analyze the remains to find a weakness.â
âAnd if thatâs not enough, it said it has roots all over Gotham,â Barbara adds. âI can use the Clocktower to locate the closest sample.â
âSay you manage to subdue Master Y/N and rid him of the Megamycete. What then?â
âThen we make it clear heâs a part of our family now. And weâll keep telling him that until he believes it. And when he does, weâll give him the love we should have given him.â
Alfred looks at him before glancing at his children, all of them nodding in agreement.
âI shall hold all of you to that promise. We have a second chance to right our wrongs. I highly doubt weâll be given another. But donât think for a second this conversation is over.â
And with that, the butler turns on his heel and promptly makes his way out of the cave, clearly still furious at them.
âAlright, everyone,â he says, getting their attention. âWe have work to do. Barbara, get to the Clocktower and start searching for the Megamyceteâs roots. Tim, start analyzing the remains and see what you can find. And be ready to receive new samples. The rest of you, be ready to go out and retrieve the roots.â
They nod and set out to work, leaving him with his thoughts.
Fuck, after hearing all that, his mother probably sees him as a failure now. He had so many opportunities to make this right, but he being the complete and total fuck up that he is, missed them, leaving you all alone to fall into the hands of low-life thugs and a sentient mushroom.
He balls his fists so tight so tight he draws blood, but not caring at the pain or the drops of crimson falling onto the cave floor.
All he had to do was be there for you, love you, tell you heâd always be there for you, but he couldnât do that. When he first learned of you, he was shocked to hear that he had actually been stupid enough to not take precautions to prevent getting a woman pregnant and actually thought you were an inconvenience, blaming you for something that wasnât your fault. You hadnât asked to be born, you didnât ask to lose your mother in such a tragic way, and you sure as hell didnât ask to be given to a man who had no right to be called a father.
Heâ
No, this line of thinking isnât doing him any favors.
He takes a deep breath and releases it, throwing all his thoughts and emotions into a dark corner of his mind and locking them behind a massive door (like he always does instead of dealing with them in a healthy way). Heâs done the same thing to so many other thoughts and feelings, whatâs the harm in doing it now?
What he needs to do now is find a way to deal with a Megamycete and figuring out a method of getting close to you to administer it so they can bring you back home. While thatâs already an uphill battle, the true war will be convincing you that theyâve changed and that you need to come back to the manor and live with them.
Youâre his son and the brother to his children. And as much as you want to deny it, you have Wayne blood coursing through your veins, tying you to him and Gotham. You belong here, by his side.
And when this is over, heâll throw the largest gala Gothamâs ever seen to show his love for you.
Heâll do whatever it takes if it means having you back home so h and your siblings can bathe you in their love and affection.
Even if it means taking away your powers and dragging you back here.
Like he said, heâs not a good person.
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#from gold to mold#yandere batfamily#male reader#batfamily#batfamily x male reader#batman#dc x male reader#yandere barbara gordon#yandere cassandra cain#yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere batfam#yandere dc#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere stephanie brown#yandere alfred pennyworth
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Generational planets such as Pluto, Uranus and Neptune in the 1st house can indicate great fame, since these planets have to do with large crowds of people, causing the native to attract or exert great influence.
Mercury in Aquarius/11th house be careful not to become what you most fear becoming: dogmatic. No matter how formed your opinion is, don't let it become fixed to the point of being your greatest truth.
The 3rd house is very elastic, the one who will define its energy most precisely is the sign in it.
Moon/Venus/Mars in Scorpio/8th house, go practice the Law of Attraction, you have a very powerful aura, you are wasting time if you don't use all this magnitude to get what you want.
You know that Mercury in Scorpio/8th house person you teased? Good luck trying to hide anything from them, in love or hate they will discover your secrets and, if hurt, they will use it against you.
12th house placements, please stay more in touch with the people you love, they miss you. If the distance you maintain is self-imposed, don't forget that the people in your life love you, that they want to have a little more of your physical presence.
My dear Leo, be careful with who you spend your affection with, you give so generously, be careful not to give it to the wrong people, the ones who are secretly jealous of you, who talk about you behind your back. Your heart of gold can "rust" in the wrong hands.
Aquarius placements, get ready, because the definitive entry of Pluto in Aquarius on November 19th of this year until 2044 will be the craziest years of your life. Get ready, there are a lot of big profound changes coming.
Mars in Pisces would do very well if they worked with their mediumship, whether in tarot or astrology or in art.
10th house placements always attract 2nd house placements people, it's incredible. They generally get along very well, they understand each other, they can be very good friends. The 2nd house supports the ambition of the 10th house, the 10th house values ââand pampers the 2nd house.
Taurus, stop crying for that man/woman, you are so beautiful, independent, attractive, don't let him have that power over your heart, woman. You deserve more. Let go, even if it hurts, something better won't take long to appear, don't lower your level, raise it.
#astrology#astrology observations#astrology readings#astrology signs#astrology notes#solar return#astro observations#astro notes#astro placements#astro community#astrology placements#asteroids#synastry#zodiac#zodiacsigns#horoscope#aries#taurus#gemini#leo#cancer#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#aquarius#pisces#venus in the 8th house#lilith synastry
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vi x reader angst where reader and vi had something before lockup (maybe reader was desperately looking for her/a body for years and never got with anyone else because they loved vi). first time they see vi again, theyâre kissing cait. vi has to make a choice (mayhaps someone tells vi how much, how long and how deep reader still loves vi)
SORRY THIS ASK IS LONG BUT NO ONE WRITES VI X CAIT X READER ANSGT AND IM FEENING FOR ITTTT CA
i've loved you for so long | vi x fem!reader, angst, squint of fluff, wc: 10k | masterlist
content warnings: not much! angst!!!, brief caitvi, childhood friend!vi, firelight kinda!reader, tiny mention of blood, bit of an open ending, uhhhhh âŚ.
note: sorry this took so long but i hope u like it! (struggled a bit with the ending so i left it kind of open and hopeful :P
Growing up in the Lanes was never easy. The air was always thick wit smog and desperation. But somehow, in the middle of all the grime, there were moments of lightâmoments that felt almost normal⌠sweet, even.
For Vi, those moments often came when she was with you.
You were the kind of person who seemed to radiate something soft, something pure, even in a place as unforgiving as here. You were always helping someoneâpatching up a scraped knee, sharing what little food you had, or offering a warm smile that could ease even the sharpest edges of the Lanesâ harsh reality. Vi, on the other hand, was tough as nails, like she always was. But when it came to you, that toughness often cracked, revealing a gentler side that few people ever got to see.
You met when you were both kids, barely old enough to understand the full weight of the world you were born into. Vi had just finished scrapping with a group of older kids who had tried to steal a loaf of bread from Powder. Her knuckles were bloody, and her lip was split, but she wore her bruises with pride as she swaggered down the street.
Then she saw youâsomeone small and delicate crouched beside a stray cat with a limp, gently wrapping its leg with a strip of cloth youâd torn from your own sleeve. Vi had stopped in her tracks, her usual bravado faltering as she watched you work with such careful concentration. She couldnât remember the last time sheâd seen anyone show that kind of⌠tenderness.
âHey,â she had said, her voice rough but curious, âwhatâre you doing?â
You looked up at her, your eyes wide and a little startled, but then you smiled. âHelping,â you said simply, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
From that moment on, Vi couldnât seem to stay away from you.
Sheâd show up wherever you were, always with some excuseâshe was just passing through, or she needed your help with something, or she was making sure no one was giving you trouble. In truth, she just liked being around you. You didnât flinch when she got into fights, didnât scold her for her temper or her stubbornness. Instead, you had this way of looking at her, like you could see past all of that to the person she really was. And Vi, who had always felt like she had to be tough to survive and protect her family, found herself wanting to be softer when she was with you.
The two of you became inseparable, spending your days exploring the winding alleys and hidden corners of the Lanes. Vi would teach you how to throw a punch, insisting that you needed to know how to defend yourself. Youâd laugh as she guided your fists, her hands warm and steady against yours, though she always ended up pulling her punches when it came to sparring.
âCanât risk messing up that pretty face of yours,â sheâd tease, though her voice would always carry a hint of something serious, like the idea of you getting hurt was unbearable to her.
âYouâre an idiot,â youâd say back.
And sheâd laugh, nudging you playfully against your shoulder, her all ears red as she looked at you, âBut Iâm your idiot.â
You, in turn, taught Vi the value of kindness, though you didnât do it with words. You did it with your actionsâwith the way youâd stop to help a stranger, even when you didnât have much to give, or the way youâd bandage up Viâs cuts and bruises after a fight, your touch so gentle it made her chest ache. Sheâd sit there, watching you work, and wonder how someone like you could exist in a place like this.
And it also helped that Powder adored you too.
Sheâd often tag along on your adventures with her wide-eyed curiosity. You had a way of making her feel seen, of treating her like she was just as capable and important as the rest of you, and that meant the world to her. Vi loved watching the two of you together, the way youâd laugh and tease each other, the way youâd patiently explain things to Powder when she didnât understand. It made Viâs dreams of a better life feel almost tangible, like maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something more than survival.
And then there were the jobs⌠or whatever she could get from Ekko.
They were never easyârunning contraband, sneaking into places she had no business being. Vi loved the adrenaline of it, the thrill of a plan coming together, but there was always a part of her that thought about you while she was out there. Sheâd see somethingâa trinket, a piece of candy, a flower growing stubbornly in the cracks of the pavementâand sheâd think of you.
She started bringing things back for you, little gifts sheâd pretend didnât mean anything. The first time, it was a shiny button she found while breaking into a some storage room. It was small and completely useless, but it was the kind of thing she thought youâd like. She tossed it to you when she came back, trying to act casual.
âFound this,â she said, her voice gruff. âFigured you could use it for⌠I donât know, something.â
Youâd looked at her, a little confused at first, but when you smiled and said, âThanks, Vi,â she felt something warm settle in her chest.
After that, it became a habit.
Sheâd bring you scraps of fabric, little bits of wire and string, or a half-broken gadget Powder thought she could fix up for you. Once, she brought you a single daisy sheâd found growing in a crack on the edge of the Lanes. Sheâd nearly crushed it during the job, and when she handed it to you, she was so embarrassed she couldnât meet your eyes.
âItâs just a flower,â she mumbled, scratching the back of her neck. âDonât make a big deal out of it.â
But you always did. Vi would pretend it didnât matter, but her ears would turn red, and sheâd fumble with excuses about why sheâd brought you something in the first place.
She didnât know how to say what she was feeling, didnât even fully understand it herself. All she knew was that you made the Lanes feel a little less bleak, a little less hopeless.
And as the years passed, the your relationship with Vi only grew stronger. There were always moments when the certain feelings between you became almost impossible to ignoreâlike the time you patched her up after a particularly nasty fight, your fingers lingering on her cheek as you wiped away the blood, telling her firmly to always be careful, as your eyes search hers. Or the time she caught you staring at her with that soft look in your eyes and she felt her cheeks flush, her confidence faltering as she looked away, muttering something about how you shouldnât look at her like that. Youâd raise an eyebrow in response, then just laugh softly.
But neither of you ever said anything outright. Instead, you found comfort in the smaller thingsâstolen glances, the way your hands would brush against each other as you walked side by side, the way Viâs walls would melt away when it was just the two of you.
You were more than just a friend. You were her safe place, her reminder that there was still good in the world, even in the darkest corners of the Lanes. And for you, she was your protector, your anchor, the person who made you feel like maybe you werenât as fragile as the world wanted you to believe.
But the Lanes always had a way of taking everything good and twisting it into something painful.
The night everything went to shit was the last time life in the Lanes felt even remotely bearable. It had been tense from the start. Vander was gone, taken by Silco, and Viâs face was set in that grim determination she always wore when she was trying to be strong for everyone else. You knew she was scared, no matter how much she tried to hide it.
You were in the back room of the Last Drop, pacing. Vi had told you to stay put, her voice sharper than usual, her gaze practically boring a hole through you.
âDonât follow us,â she said, her tone leaving no room for argument. âJust⌠stay here. Look after Powder, okay? I canât worry about you and her while weâre out there.â
You wanted to argue, to tell her you could help, that you werenât as fragile as she thought you were. But the look in her eyes stopped you. So, you nodded, biting back the words you wanted to say, and watched her leave with Mylo and Claggor.
Powder sat on the couch, knees pulled to her chest, clutching one of her gadgets like it was a lifeline. She kept glancing at the door like she was expecting Vi to come back at any moment, triumphant and unscathed.
But you both knew better.
The hours dragged on, the silence between you and Powder filled only with the occasional sound of glass breaking in the distance or the low hum of Zaunâs underbelly. You tried to keep your hands busy, cleaning up the room, organizing scraps of whatever was lying around. Anything to stop your mind from racing. Powder didnât really say much; she just watched you with wide, anxious eyes, her fingers fidgeting with the gears of her monkey bomb.
Eventually, exhaustion began to creep in. You figured you were working too much. You remembered Viâs words in your head, telling you that sheâs always careful, that sheâll always come back to you. And you tried to stay awake, tried to keep an eye on Powder like Vi had asked, but your body betrayed you.
Powder had been quiet the whole night, but as you drifted off, she glanced at you. She hated being left behind, hated the way Vi always told her to stay because she wasnât strong enough, wasnât capable enough. She wanted to prove herself, to show that she could help, that she could save them. And with you asleep, curled up in Viâs bed, she saw her chance. Quietly, Powder slipped off the couch, grabbing her monkey bomb and a bag of supplies. She hesitated for a moment, looking back at you. She didnât want to leave you, but she couldnât sit there and do nothing.
Not when Vi needed her.
She crept out of the room, careful not to make a sound, and disappeared into the shadows.
The first thing you noticed as you stirred was the faint, low rumble of something distant but violentâa sound that felt like it rattled through the very walls of the Last Drop. You blinked, eyes fluttering slowly as you pushed yourself up. The second explosion was sharper, louder, and your heart leaped in your chest. It was a sound that didnât belong to the Lanes.
Your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the dim light of the room. Everything felt too still now, too quiet, except for the faint aftershock of what you had just heard. You rubbed at your face, trying to shake off the grogginess, and then you noticed itâbright, electric blue sparks flickering in the distance, visible through the small, grimy window. Your stomach dropped as a sense of dread washed over you. Your breaths came quicker now, shallow and uneven, as you sat up fully, scanning the room.
âPowder?â you called out softly, your voice hoarse from sleep.
You looked around, the familiar clutter of the space offering no sign of her.
âPowder?â you called again, louder this time, but the silence that followed made your chest tighten.
You stumbled to your feet, nearly tripping over a discarded piece of scrap on the floor. Your eyes darted around the room, searching for any sign that she was still thereâa glimpse of her small frame huddled in the corner, the sound of her fidgeting with one of her gadgets.
But there was nothing.
The couch where sheâd been sitting earlier was empty, the blanket youâd draped over her crumpled and abandoned. The faint smell of oil and metal lingered in the air, but it was missing the warmth of her presence.
âNo, no, no,â you muttered under your breath, your mind racing as you pieced together what must have happened.
You remembered the way she had been clutching that monkey bomb earlier, the way her eyes had flickered with something desperate and restless.
She left.
Your knees nearly buckled as you made your way to the window, pressing your palms against the cold glass. The sparks of blue still flickered in the distance, bright against the dark, polluted haze of the Lanes. The explosions hadnât stopped, and now there were faint trails of smoke rising into the air.
âPowder,â you whispered, the weight of her name heavy on your tongue.
She had gone after Vi, you were sure of it. The thought hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you breathless. She was out thereâyour sweet, fragile Powderâin the middle of whatever chaos was unfolding.
And Vi⌠Vi had told you both to stay behind.
Now, you were running as fast as you could.
And when you got there, everything was on fire.
Buildings were crumbling under the weight of the flames, black smoke billowing into the sky and choking the air around you. The heat was suffocating, stinging your eyes and making it hard to breathe. You stood there, frozen, your wide eyes scanning the devastation. The ground was stained with dark, wet streaks that gleamed in the firelightâblood. It was everywhere, smeared across the cobblestones, trailing through the debris, pooling in some places as if marking the spots where someone had fallen.
But there were no bodies.
No sign of Vi. No Mylo. No Claggor. No Powder. Just⌠nothing.
Your chest heaved as you tried to take it all in, your mind struggling to make sense of the chaos. The silence was deafening, broken only by the relentless crackle of flames and the occasional groan of a collapsing structure. You called out for them. You spent hours waiting, searching and trying.
But, there were no voices, no footsteps, no cries for help.
Just emptiness.
Nothing.
The days blurred into weeks, the weeks into months, and the months into years. Time moved forward, but you stayed stuck in the same momentâthe night everything fell apart. The fire, the blood on the streets, the faces of everyone you loved burned into your memory like scars you couldnât erase. It didnât matter how much time passed. You never stopped seeing them. Never stopped feeling the weight of their absence.
Life in the Undercity didnât wait for grief. It didnât give you the chance to sit still and process the ache in your chest or the emptiness that had swallowed your world whole. The streets you grew up on were darker now, quieter, yet somehow more dangerous. Shimmer twisted its way into every crack and corner, poisoning the air you breathed.
You still had Ekko. He stuck close, as much as he could, and you were grateful for him in ways you couldnât put into words. But even with him around, the loneliness lingered anyway.
Nights were the worst. The silence of your small, dimly lit room pressed down on you, and your mind replayed every memory of Vi, Powder, Mylo, and Claggor. Sometimes, you could almost hear their laughter echoing in the distance.
Almost.
You never stopped looking for her.
At first, it was constant. Every waking moment you scoured the streets, searching for any trace of her. You asked anyone who would listen if theyâd seen her, but no one had. Not a single person could tell you where she had gone or what had happened to her. Some said she was dead. Others said sheâd been taken topside, to Piltoverâs dungeons. You didnât know which was worse.
You looked for Powder, too. Sometimes, you felt like youâd seen traces of her somewhere, certain colors she liked, drawings on the wall⌠It was like she was there, but she wasnât⌠like she didnât want to be found.
And years passed, but the hope never left you. Not fully. Even when the streets seemed colder, even when Ekko begged you to stop putting yourself in danger, you kept searching. Youâd walk the streets at night, hood pulled tight over your head, hoping to catch a glimpse of her pink hair or hear her sharp voice in the crowd. Every time you saw a tall figure in the shadows, your heart would leap, only to sink seconds later when it wasnât her.
You wondered, sometimes, if she was looking for you too. If she was out there somewhere, wondering what had happened to you. If she missed you the way you missed her. Those thoughts were the only thing that kept you going on the hardest days.
The Undercity changed around you. The shimmer trade grew stronger, its effects spreading like a disease. People youâd known your whole life turned hollow, their eyes glassy, their voices slurred. Survival became harder with each passing day. But even as the world around you crumbled, you held onto the memory of Vi.
Her voice. Her laugh. The way she used to look at you when she thought you werenât paying attention, as if you were something more than just a friend. The way she used to bring you small, silly things from her jobsâhalf the time things she swore sheâd found by accident, even though you knew better.
You missed her so much it hurt.
Then, one night, Ekko came to visit you.
He had news about Powder.
Heâd seen her, he said. And it didnât make sense at first.
He sat across from you in the dim, flickering light of the small hideout youâd both retreated to. His voice was almost hesitant, but heavy with something you couldnât quite name. Regret? Anger? Grief? Maybe all three, twisted together in a way that made him seem older than he was, like the years had weighed heavier on him than they should have.
You were hunched over, elbows resting on your knees, your face buried in your hands. It had been another fruitless day, searching for a ghost you werenât sure even existed anymore. Your body ached, your head throbbed, and the emptiness in your chest felt like it might swallow you whole.
And then Ekko said itâhe said her name.
âPowder⌠sheâs not the same anymore.â
At first, you thought he meant something else. Maybe sheâd grown up like the rest of you, toughened by the streets and the weight of survival. Maybe heâd seen her, and she was angry, distant, bitter about the past. You couldâve handled that. You couldâve understood that.
But that wasnât what he meant.
âShe goes by Jinx now.â
You lifted your head slowly, confusion knitting your brow. âWhat are you talking about?â
Your voice was sharp, tinged with a nervous laugh that didnât quite land.
âPowder wouldnât call herself that. Thatâs not⌠thatâs not her.â
Ekkoâs gaze didnât waver. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, his expression hard but laced with pain. âIt is her. Sheâs with Silco now.â
The words hit you like a blow to the chest. âNo,â you whispered, shaking your head. âShe wouldnâtâsheâd neverââ
âSheâs different, (Y/n).â His voice cracked, just barely, but enough to make you flinch. âSheâs not the kid we knew. Silco got in her head, twisted her up. Sheâs⌠dangerous now.â
You sat back, your body rigid, your mind spinning. This wasnât real. It couldnât be real. Powder was sweet, shy, maybe a little clumsy, but always full of love and hope. Powder adored you. Powder idolized Vi. Sheâd never turn into someone like⌠like that.
âWhere did you hear this?â you demanded, your voice low but trembling. âWho told you?â
âI saw her,â Ekko said flatly. âItâs her, (Y/n). Sheâs been running with Silcoâs people for years. Sheâs the one behind half the chaos in the Lanes right now. Youâve heard about the explosions, the heistsâthe people disappearing. Thatâs Jinx.â
He swallowed hard, his jaw tightening.
âThatâs Powder.â
You stared at him, the words refusing to sink in. It felt like someone had ripped the ground out from under you, leaving you floundering in freefall.
âYouâre wrong,â you said, your voice barely above a whisper. âPowder wouldnât⌠she wouldnât do that.â
âI wish I was wrong,â Ekko muttered, his voice thick with bitterness. âBut Iâm not. Sheâs gone. The Powder we knewâsheâs gone.â
âNo,â you snapped, louder this time, anger rising to the surface as your chest tightened with panic. âSheâs not gone. Sheâs just⌠confused, or scared, or⌠something. She wouldnât justâŚâ
Ekkoâs face softened, but his eyes were filled with sadness. âI thought the same thing when I first saw her. I wanted to believe she could still come back, that maybe I could fix it. But sheâs too far gone. Silcoâs got his hooks right into her. Sheâs not the kid we grew up with anymore. SheâsâŚâ
He paused, the words catching in his throat.
âSheâs dangerous.â
You shook your head again, your hands trembling as you pressed them against your thighs. This wasnât real. It couldnât be. Powder was your friend, your family. She was bright and sweet and full of so much love. She wasnât⌠she wasnât a monster.
The thoughts clung to you every night. PowderâJinxâhad become someone unrecognizable, and you couldnât stop the questions from flooding your mind. What would Vi think if she knew? Would she be disappointed in you for not doing more, for not stopping Powder before it was too late? Would she think youâd failed her?
Vi. Her name echoed in your mind. You missed her in a way that was so all-encompassing it became a part of you. You missed the way she used to tease you, the way sheâd smirk like she had the world figured out, even when she didnât. You missed patching her up after a fight. You missed how sheâd smile at you, telling you that things to brighten your day. You missed everything.
It was only recently that you realized why the ache felt so sharp, so endless. You loved her. Youâd loved her for years, even if you hadnât admitted it to yourself until now. It was why you couldnât let her go, why no one else had ever been able to fill the void she left behind.
People had tried. There were a few who flirted with you, a few who asked you to dinner or drinks. But youâd always brushed them off, always found an excuse. None of them were her. None of them had her fire, her strength, the way she made you feel seen and safe all at once.
The years hadnât been kind to you, but youâd done your best to survive, to keep going even when it felt like the world was crumbling around you. Youâd thrown yourself into helping Ekko and the Firelights, finding purpose in their mission even when you felt lost.
You patched them up when they were injured, your hands steady as you cleaned wounds and wrapped bandages. You shared what little food you had, sometimes going without so they wouldnât have to. You became someone they could rely on, even if you didnât always feel strong yourself.
But that strength went away a couple months laterâthe day you saw her again. It was something you didnât prepare yourself for. You hadnât expected it at all.
The sunlight filtering through the cracks of the hideoutâs makeshift roof caught on the edges of your hair as you worked, pulling ripe fruits and vegetables from the small garden that the Firelights had nurtured in secret. The air was damp but fresh, filled with the earthy scent of soil and the faint hum of life. You liked working in the gardenâit gave you a moment of peace, a small break from the weight of everything outside.
When you were done, your hands were covered in dirt, and a bead of sweat traced its way down your temple. You wiped your brow with the back of your arm, sighing softly. A few of the others nodded at you in thanks as they carried the baskets of food away. You stayed behind, crouched by the water pump, scrubbing the grime from your hands and under your nails.
The cool water washed over your skin, and for a moment, you let yourself pause, closing your eyes as the sound of the stream drowned out your thoughts. But it didnât last long. The quiet never did.
Once you were cleaned up, you shook off the weariness and decided to find Ekko. Youâd been meaning to talk to him about somethingâor maybe you just wanted to hear a familiar voice. The hideout could feel suffocating at times, even though it was a sanctuary for many. Ekko had a way of cutting through it, reminding you that there was still something worth fighting for.
But as you made your way through the winding halls of the hideout, you stopped short, your breath catching in your throat.
In one of the side rooms, barely lit by the faint glow of sunlight filtering through the cracks, you saw them.
A girl with blue hair stood close to another figure, her delicate fingers brushing against the cheek of the person in front of her. You couldnât make out their faces at first, your mind taking an extra second to register what you were seeing. But then the pink hair caught the light, vibrant even in the dim room, and your chest tightened.
Vi.
Your Vi.
And she wasnât alone.
The blue-haired girl leaned in, her lips brushing against Viâs in a kiss so soft, so tender, that it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. Vi didnât pull away, her hand resting gently on the girlâs waist, her shoulders relaxing in a way you hadnât seen in years.
You froze, rooted to the spot, your feet unwilling to carry you forwardâor away. Your mind raced, a thousand thoughts clamoring for attention, but none of them loud enough to break through the sudden ache in your chest.
She was here. She was alive. But she wasnât yours.
You didnât know whether to cry out, to step into the room and demand an explanation, or to turn and run before they could see you. You wanted to be happy that she was safe, but all you could feel was the slow, creeping weight of heartbreak as it settled over you.
Because in that moment, it was clearâVi wasnât yours to miss. Not anymore.
âYou have some explaining to do.â The words feel foreign on your tongue, but they spill out before you can stop them.
You stand at the threshold of Ekkoâs lab, chest heaving, heart racing in disbelief. The image of Vi with another womanâkissing her, holding herâflashes in your mind and itâs all too much.
Ekko stands abruptly, looking as startled as you feel. His eyes widen, and his hand instinctively scratches at the back of his neck, a nervous tick youâve known him to do since you were kids.
âIâI was gonna tell you today,â he stammers, voice cracking slightly as he fumbles for his words. âWe just got her last night⌠when we ambushed JinxâŚâ
Your breath catches, a knot of frustration and hurt tightening in your chest. âYou ambushed Jinx? And now youâre bringing Vi back in like this? Without telling me?â
The words come out harsher than you intend, but it doesnât matter right now. Your mind is spiraling.
Ekko holds up his hands, trying to calm you, his gaze softening. âI was going to tell you! I just⌠After everything with Jinx⌠I didnât know if she was someone I could trust yet.â
His words hit you like a slap, and for the first time since you walked in here, a part of you slows down. After everything that happened, Vi could very well be someone you couldnât trust. Someone who might have changed in ways you couldnât understand. It stings to admit, but the doubt starts to creep in. You know Ekkoâhis loyalty runs deep, but heâs also careful. He always has been. You take a step back, your fists uncurling as you exhale sharply.
You swallow your frustration and let the silence settle between you, the weight of his words pressing down on you. Can we trust her?
The question hangs in the air, unspoken but felt, before you finally speak it.
âSo⌠can we?â Your voice is quieter now, more hesitant. You want to hear reassurance, but youâre not sure if itâll come.
Ekko doesnât answer immediately. He exhales, a long, drawn-out sigh that betrays a weariness you hadnât noticed before. When he finally looks up at you, his gaze holds something you hadnât expectedâa tenderness, a vulnerability. His lips curl into a small, almost wistful smile, and for a moment, you wonder if heâs seeing something you canât.
âI think so,â he says softly, his voice quiet but steady. âI think we can.â
You sigh, blinking a few tears away.
âWhoâs that⌠that girl sheâs with?â You ask, your voice barely above a whisper, though your heart is pounding in your chest.
You keep your eyes on the floor, unwilling to meet Ekkoâs gaze, because the truth feels like it might crush you. The girl youâve loved for as long as you can remember, is with someone else now. And itâs hard to wrap your mind around it, let alone confront it head-on.
Ekkoâs silence stretches out for a moment, the room growing thick with the tension that neither of you knows how to ease. But then, slowly, his eyes soften, and you can hear the careful way he breathes in, like heâs about to tell you something heavy. His voice is gentle when he speaks, like heâs trying to cushion the blow without sugarcoating it.
âHer nameâs Caitlyn,â Ekko says, and thereâs a noticeable pause before he continues, as though heâs gathering his thoughts, picking out the right words. âSheâs⌠Sheâs an enforcer, butâŚsheâs different. I donât think sheâs on Silcoâs side.â
Your stomach tightens at the mention of Caitlynâs name, and you can feel a bitter knot in your throat.You finally glance up at Ekko, your eyes searching his face, desperate for any trace of what this means.
âAre theyâŚ?â
Ekko looks at you for a long, quiet moment, like heâs weighing your reaction against his own thoughts. He doesnât look at you with pity, though; thereâs no judgment in his gaze. Just understanding.
âI donât know,â he admits, his voice low. âBut I think Viâs been through a lot. And Caitlyn⌠I donât know what they have, but I canât pretend I understand it. Iâm still trying to figure out where Vi stands with all of this⌠All I know is Vi wants her sister back.â
You canât look at Ekko anymore. The pain of it is too much, a heavy weight that presses down on you like the sky is collapsing. You back away, trying to swallow the lump in your throat, your hands trembling slightly.
âI thought⌠I thought sheâd come back for me, for us,â you say softly, almost to yourself. The bitterness in your voice is unmistakable.
Ekko doesnât say anything for a long moment, but you can feel the weight of his sympathy.
Finally, he speaks again, his voice quieter, softer. âI donât think sheâs forgotten you. I think sheâs just trying to figure out everything for herself⌠Besides, she was⌠actually wondering if you were still around.â
âShe was?â Your voice is quieter than you intended, almost shaky as you try to grasp what he just said.
Ekko nods, though his face is filled with something close to guilt, like he knows how this news might break you. âYeah. She asked about you when she came in⌠said she didnât know what happened to you after⌠everything.â
You let out a shaky sigh, your chest tightening at his words. The weight of it presses down on you, sinking deep.
âWhere has she been⌠all this time?â The question slips out quietly before you can stop it.
Ekko hesitates, his eyes softening as he looks at you. Thereâs a long pause before he finally answers, each word like a slow puncture to your heart. âStillwater.â
The name hits you like a punch to the gut. You freeze, unable to process at first, the words echoing in your mind, bouncing off the walls of your skull. Itâs a place that steals everything from you, even the will to remember who you were before. Your throat tightens, and for a moment, you canât breathe.
Vi⌠Vi was there?
The thought twists something deep inside you, like a sharp ache that spreads through your chest and down into your stomach. It felt impossible to imagine Viâyour Viâthere. The strong, fearless girl you grew up with, the one who fought for every scrap of life she could hold onto. The thought of her, trapped in that hellhole, stripped of the fire that had always burned in her⌠itâs unbearable.
âYou should⌠probably be talking to her about all of this.â
You freeze at Ekkoâs words, your heart pounding in your chest. The thought of speaking to her again, of standing face to face with her after all these years, makes your blood run cold. Your chest tightens, and suddenly, breathing feels like a chore.
âIâŚâ You try to speak, but the words get stuck in your throat.
What could you say to her? After all this time? The distance between you both feels impossibly wide now, like a canyon youâll never be able to cross. The thought of seeing her, of facing the reality of whatâs changed, of all the years that slipped through your fingersâit paralyzes you. You want to see her. You want to run to her and hold her, tell her everything youâve kept locked away for so long, but you canât shake the feeling that youâre not ready for that.
Your hands are shaking now, and you clutch at the edge of the table for support, your palms slick with sweat.
âI donât know if I can do that,â you say.
Your voice cracks under the weight of your own fear. The thought of facing Vi, of seeing her and realizing how much has changed, of feeling the space thatâs grown between you bothâit feels impossible.
Ekko watches you, his expression softening with understanding, but thereâs something else in his eyes, something unreadable.
âI get it,â he says quietly, taking a step closer to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. âYou donât have to rush into anything. I know youâve been carrying this around for a long time.â
But the truth is, you donât just carry the weight of all that time apartâyou carry the weight of your own fear. Fear that sheâll see you as a stranger. Fear that you wonât know how to talk to her anymore. Fear that everything that once felt so easy between you and Vi will have changed beyond recognition. The thought of her not loving you anymore, or of you not being able to love her the same way, makes your stomach churn.
You bite your lip, unable to finish the thought, as your mind races in a thousand different directions.
âDoes she know Iâm here?â
Ekkoâs gaze shifts, and for a moment, thereâs a flicker of hesitation in his eyes. He looks like heâs struggling with something, something he doesnât want to say, but he knows he has to. He shifts on his feet, a sigh escaping him as he scratches the back of his neck again, the tension in his posture telling you more than his words ever could.
âI⌠I told her youâre around,â Ekko finally says, his voice soft but weighed with caution. âNot here exactly, though. I wanted to warn you beforeâŚâ
Before everything changes.
But a knock at the door stills the air in the room. Itâs sharp, sudden, and it cuts through the heavy silence thatâs settled between you. You donât move at first and Ekko hesitates for a moment, then turns, just as the door creaks open.
And then, there she is.
You freeze, unable to breathe, unable to move as your eyes lock onto hers. Itâs like the whole world stops for a momentâyour heart, your thoughts, everything. Sheâs standing there, in the doorway, her eyes wide as they sweep over you. Itâs as if sheâs seeing you for the first time, like she canât quite believe youâre here. That youâre real.
Her gaze flickers across youâyour eyes, your face, the way youâve changed over the years. You can see the shock in her features, the way her breath catches for a split second before she can speak.
â(Y/n),â she whispers, her voice raw, as if the sound of your name in her mouth is a shock to her as much as it is to you.
Thereâs a long pause. Neither of you move, neither of you speak, as if neither of you knows how to start, what to say. Vi stands there, her eyes fixed on you, and you can see the wheels turning behind her expression. She doesnât look the same as the girl you once knew, but her eyesâthose blue eyesâare still the same, full of emotions you canât quite place.
Viâs eyes trail down your form, and you can see her struggling to hide the way her gaze softens as she takes in how youâve grown, how youâve changed. Youâre different nowâmore than just the girl she once knew in the Lanesâbut somehow, at the same time, youâre still the same person. The one who was always kind, always caring. The one who had a heart too big for the world they were in.
You watch as her eyes linger on you, not saying a word, just staring. A small breath escapes her lips, like sheâs struggling to hold back some emotion, some surge of feelings that are too heavy for her to put into words. She opens her mouth to speak, but then closes it again, like the words are stuck inside her.
âI, um⌠I have work to do, Ekko.â Your voice cracks, and you can feel the tears stinging at the back of your eyes.
You tear your gaze away from Vi, your heart pounding in your chest as if itâs trying to break free. The weight of everything, of all the lost time, of everything you thought you had buried, feels like itâs crashing down on you in waves.
You canât look at her anymore. Not like this. Not when everything in you is screaming to hold her, to ask her why she left, to beg her to stay. But you canât. Not yet. Not when the hurt is still so raw.
You turn quickly, brushing past Vi with a sharp movement, your steps frantic, but trying to remain composed. Your heart races in your chest as you feel the heat of her eyes on your back, but you donât look back. You canât. The moment you do, youâre afraid youâll break, and you canât afford to break now.
The door slams shut behind you, and you can hear the soft echo of your hurried footsteps fading as you walk away. You donât look up, donât let yourself feel the weight of the emptiness in the room, even though you know itâs all there.
But youâre not ready. Not yet.
Ekko watches the door for a moment, his gaze thoughtful and a little sad. He doesnât say anything, knowing that nothing he could say will ease the tension in the room.
Vi stands there, still frozen, her mind processing everything all at once. The way you walked out, the way you didnât look back, how quickly you shut yourself off. She swallows hard, as if trying to force her emotions to settle. But they donât. Theyâre all tangled up in her chest. She wants to go after you. She wants to explain.
â(Y/n)âŚâ Vi whispers the name, barely above a breath, as if saying it out loud will somehow make it real, bring back the girl she thought she had lost forever. âSheâs⌠grown.â
âWe all have.â
His eyes flicker to Vi, his expression unreadable. He takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words, but nothing feels quite right. He knows how this is going to landâknows itâs going to hurt, even though he wishes it didnât have to be this way.
âI think she saw you and Caitlyn,â he says quietly. âTogether, I mean.â
Viâs body stiffens at the mention of Caitlynâs name, her eyes snapping to Ekko in disbelief. The shock is instant, followed by a sharp pang of guilt that twists in her chest. Her mind races, trying to make sense of the situationâof the way you had looked at her, of how you had walked out without saying anything more, as if something between the two of you had shattered. And now this. She opens her mouth to speak, but the words get stuck, tangled in her throat.
Ekko slumps back in his chair, his fingers tapping restlessly against the worn surface of his desk. He doesnât know what to say to either of them. His gaze remains fixed on Vi, her posture still stiff, eyes distant.
âShe thinks youâre togetherâŚâ Ekko looks at Vi with curiosity. âAre you?â
Viâs heart stutters in her chest, and she looks away quickly, swallowing hard.
âNo,â she answers, almost too quickly. âNo, weâre not together.â
Her voice wavers slightly, the truth of her feelings suddenly coming to the surface, uninvited but undeniable. Caitlyn is kind and gentle, but itâs never been like that with her. She only met her this week. Vi doesnât know what it is, but itâs not loveânot like what sheâs felt, and still feels, for you.
The kiss was⌠a moment of comfort, of trying to hold onto something familiar in a world thatâs changed beyond recognition. It meant nothing. Or at least, it shouldnât have meant anything. But now, knowing that youâd seen it, knowing that it might hurt youâit stings. And it stings more than sheâs willing to admit.
Ekko watches her for a moment and sighs. He knows Vi well enough to see that flicker of something in her eyes, that far-off look, the hesitation thatâs always there when sheâs thinking about you.
âYou donât have to explain it to me,â he mutters, âBut you do need to talk to her.â
Vi nods slowly, her gaze flicking toward the door again.
âYeah,â she says quietly, almost as if to herself. âI know. I just⌠I donât know what to say. Itâs been so long, Ekko.â
Ekko exhales sharply, leaning back in his chair. âShe looked for you, you know. She hasnât stopped. And sheâs been alone for a long time too, Vi. She deserves to hear it.â
Vi doesnât respond. The words hit her harder than sheâs willing to admit. She knows Ekkoâs right, but the fear of rejection still clings to her like a shadow. Sheâs afraid of what will happen if she faces you, afraid of seeing that disappointment in your eyes, hearing the anger in your voice. Afraid that even if she tries, it wonât be enough.
She takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment settling in her chest.
âIâll go find her.â
The climb to the top of the tree feels longer than it should, but Vi knows sheâs stalling. Her hands grip the wooden edges tighter than they need to as she hauls herself up, each rung feeling like a step closer to a moment sheâs not sure sheâs ready for. Ekkoâs words still echo in her headâSheâs probably already up there, and needs the space, but⌠she deserves to hear from you.
And now, standing at the edge of the makeshift platform high above the Firelightsâ hideout, Vi spots you. Youâre sitting near the edge, your legs dangling over, one hand resting loosely on the ground for balance. The jukebox below hums softly, sending the faint notes of a melancholy tune drifting up through the cool night air. The lights of the community twinkle far beneath you, and the laughter and chatter of the people below seem like they belong to another world entirely.
Vi freezes for a moment, her breath catching in her throat. You havenât noticed her yet, and sheâs glad for it because it gives her time to take you in.
Itâs been years since sheâs seen you like thisâquiet, lost in your own world. Thereâs something familiar in the way you tilt your head as you gaze out at the lights below, something achingly reminiscent of the person she remembers from all those years ago. She canât help but wonder if youâre still the same in other ways, too. If you still laugh at dumb jokes, or hum to yourself when youâre deep in thought. If you still carry that kindness in your heart, despite everything the worldâs thrown at you.
But thereâs also something different, something that makes her chest ache. You look older. Wiser, maybe. More beautiful than she remembers, though she feels like thatâs impossible, because sheâs always thought you were the most beautiful thing sheâd ever seen.
God, youâre beautiful. The thought hits her so suddenly that it makes her chest ache. Itâs not just the way you look, though that alone would be enough to leave her speechless. Itâs everything about youâthe way you seem so untouchable and yet so heartbreakingly human all at once. She feels like a fool for standing here and staring, but for the life of her, she canât seem to look away.
And then thereâs the way the moonlight catches on your face, illuminating the faint shimmer of unshed tears in your eyes. Vi doesnât even need to see your expression to know what youâre feeling.
For a long moment, she just stands there, unsure of what to do or say. She wants to run to you, to pull you into her arms and tell you sheâs sorry, that sheâs here, that sheâs not going anywhere this time. But she knows itâs not that simple. Itâs never that simple.
Finally, she takes a hesitant step forward, her boots making a soft thud against the wooden planks. You stiffen slightly, your head turning just enough to catch her in your peripheral vision. You donât say anything, but the way your shoulders tense tells her youâve already guessed itâs her.
Vi hesitates again, her heart pounding in her chest as she moves to sit beside you. She doesnât get too close, leaving enough space between you that you wonât feel trapped, but close enough that she can see the way your fingers grip the edge of the platform like itâs the only thing keeping you grounded.
For a few seconds, the silence between you is unbearable. Vi glances at you from the corner of her eye, her mouth opening as if to speak, but the words donât come. Sheâs never been good at thisâtalking about feelings, finding the right thing to say.
But as she watches you, she knows she has to try.
âNice spot youâve got here,â she says, her voice softer than she intended. âItâs quiet⌠Beats the chaos down there.â
Itâs not much, and she knows it. She winces at how lame she sounds, but sheâs not sure she trusts herself to say anything more. Sheâs afraid if she does, itâll all come tumbling outâthe guilt, the regret, the years of wondering what couldâve been if she hadnât been taken, if sheâd fought harder, if sheâd found a way back sooner.
You donât respond right away, and she canât tell if itâs because youâre ignoring her or because you just donât know what to say either. She glances at you again, her eyes lingering on the curve of your jaw, the way your lashes cast faint shadows against your cheeks.
Youâre so close, but it feels like thereâs an entire world between you.
When you finally do speak, your voice is so soft, almost drowned out by the music drifting up from below. âItâs always been my place to think. To get away⌠I have Ekko to thank for it.â
Your words are simple, but they carry so much weight, and Vi feels the knot in her chest tighten. She wonders what youâve been thinking about up here all this time. If youâve been thinking about her. If youâve been wondering where sheâs been, what sheâs been doing, why she never came back.
âI can see why,â Vi says, trying to keep her tone light even though her heart is pounding. âItâs got a hell of a view.â
She means the lights, of course, the way they twinkle below like stars scattered across the ground. But as she says it, she realizes sheâs not looking at the lights at all. Sheâs looking at you.
You finally turn to look at her, and the look in your eyes nearly breaks her. Thereâs so much thereâpain, anger, sadnessâbut thereâs something else, too. Something softer. Something she doesnât think she deserves but hopes for anyway.
âI didnât think youâd come up here,â you say, your voice barely above a whisper.
Vi looks at you, her throat tight, and she wishes she had the courage to tell you the truth. That sheâs here because she couldnât stay away. That she misses you.
Instead, she just nods, her voice low and a little rough when she finally speaks. âI wasnât sure if youâd want me to.â
You look away again, your gaze returning to the lights below, and Vi knows she should say more, but sheâs afraid. Afraid of making things worse. Afraid of losing whatever small chance she might have left to fix things.
She looks at you softly, âHow have you been?â
You donât answer right away.
The silence lingers. Vi shifts slightly, her body aching to close the distance, to somehow make things right, but she doesnât move.
Then, itâs you who breaks the quiet after a short while, your voice soft and tentative, almost as if speaking too loudly might shatter the everything around you.
âItâs hard to think about you in prison,â you say, the words stumbling out of you before you can stop them.
Vi stiffens at the mention of it. Her chest tightens, as though sheâs been struck, but she doesnât look at you, doesnât dare.
âI know it mustâve been hard,â you continue, your gaze still locked on the flickering lights below. âBeing in there⌠for so long. I canât even imagine how it felt. It mustâve been⌠suffocating.â
Vi can hear the way you say it, that compassion in your voice that makes her want to crumble. Youâve always been so gentle, even when the world around you was anything but.
The memories are sharp, jagged shards of regret that pierce her chest whenever she lets herself think about it. The days in that cold, lonely cell feel like a lifetime ago, but the scarsâphysical and emotionalâare still fresh. The world had felt like a cruel, unyielding force back then. Every day in prison, every blow to her body, every quiet, restless night, had worn away the person she used to be. She couldnât even remember what it felt like to be carefree or loved.
âI was so⌠lost,â Vi mutters quietly, her voice rough from the weight of years. âI spent so long⌠thinking about all of you, of Powder⌠of the mistakes I made. If i had just⌠If I hadnât stepped away for one moment, maybe I wouldâve still been here⌠Here with PowderâŚ. Here with you.â
You glance at her then, just a flicker of movement, your eyes soft with something like pityâbut more than that, something else that Vi doesnât have the courage to name. She knows you see her now, not the image of the girl who left, but the one who came back. The one who is tryingâtrying, at leastânot to destroy everything around her with the weight of her mistakes.
Viâs voice breaks the silence again, this time with something raw in it, something almost painful. She shifts slightly, her hand twitching by her side, wanting to reach out but holding herself back.
âI couldnât stop thinking about you while I was in there,â she says quietly, her eyes searching your face for any sign of recognition. âThe thought of you⌠It helped get through most of my nights. I tried to dream of you... tried to imagine what you were doing, where you were⌠how youâve grown... how much prettier you probably got. I kept telling myself, âMaybe when I get out, maybe when I find a way out, Iâll find you again.ââ
She stops, her gaze falling to the ground between you both as if ashamed to even say it aloud, as if admitting the depth of her thoughts all these years will somehow make them real. But itâs there, the longing sheâs buried in the back of her mind, too painful to confront but too strong to ignore.
Vi continues, her voice quieter now, almost a whisper. âI wondered if you thought of me, if you looked for me. If you still cared⌠if I even mattered to you anymore.â
You stay silent as she speaks, your chest tight with something you canât explain. The words sting in a way youâre not prepared for, like a wound reopened, and yet thereâs something strangely soothing about them, too. The fact that Viâafter everything, after all this timeâhad thought of you⌠It almost doesnât seem real.
But you say nothing, your gaze fixed ahead, unable to meet her eyes. You wonder if itâs better this way. If silence is all you have left to offer her now. Maybe itâs easier to listen than to speak, to keep everything bottled up inside where it wonât spill over and make a mess of things.
Vi takes a deep breath, her eyes shifting between the two of you, silently asking for something, anything that might make her feel less alone in this moment. But you donât give her the answer sheâs hoping for.
For a long while, neither of you speaks. The wind brushes past you, making the leaves rustle in the trees around the hideout. Below is quiet, almost peaceful, and the sound of distant voices and music fades into the background.
Vi watches you carefully, her eyes searching for something in yours, but she doesnât push. She knows better than that. She knows that the years have changed you, just as much as theyâve changed her. She knows she canât expect you to just forget everything, to instantly trust her again. But she hopes, more than anything, that thereâs still something left between you both, something that could grow again.
âI saw you with her,â you say. âEkko said her name is Caitlyn.â
Viâs eyes widen at the mention of Caitlyn, her heart stopping for just a moment. The words seem to hang in the air between you both, heavy and charged. She opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out at first, as if the truth of its too much to swallow.
You feel her hesitation, the way she tenses, and it hits you in a way you werenât prepared for. It feels like a sharp, cold pang in your chest. Thereâs a rawness in your voice that you didnât even realize was there.
The way you say it feels like it cuts through the silence between you both. Vi looks at you then, eyes wide, searching, but she doesnât speak. She knows she owes you an answer, but what answer could she give you? How could she explain everything thatâs happened in the time between your separation and now?
After what feels like an eternity, Vi swallows hard, her throat tight. She looks away, her hands fidgeting at her sides.
âItâs not what you think,â she says softly, almost too quietly, the words coming out slow and hesitant. âI⌠I didnât want it. She was just⌠trying to comfort me.â
Viâs mind drifts back to Caitlyn, and she canât help but sigh. She thinks Caitlynâs a good personâfor someone from topside. Thereâs a softness to her, a kindness that reminds Vi of the people she used to know back when things were simpler, when she wasnât caught between the rubble of the Lanes and the ghosts of her past. But despite Caitlynâs goodness, Vi knows one thing, something deep in her heart that she canât escape: no one could ever be you.
No one could replace you. The girl she grew up with, the girl she used to dream about, the girl who haunted her thoughts long after she had fallen asleep. Viâs chest tightens at the thought. The kiss with Caitlyn, the one you sawâitâs nothing more than a hollow moment, something that never shouldâve happened. She wanted it to be you.
Vi shudders slightly. The kiss, the way Caitlynâs lips felt against hers, it was nothing like the memories of you. Nothing like the way your hand used to fit in hers, how your laugh could fill a room with warmth, how you made her feel like she was worth something. Caitlyn could never make her feel the same way you made me feel, could never replace the way you made her feel alive, like everything in her life had a purpose.
âI couldnâtâŚâ Vi murmurs to herself quietly. âI couldnât feel that for anyone except you.â
Her hand slowly reaches out, her fingers trembling ever so slightly as they brush against yours. Her touch is gentle, careful, despite the roughness of her calloused palms, worn from years of fighting, of surviving. She holds your hand like sheâs afraid youâll slip away, like if she lets go, youâll disappear, and sheâll be left with nothing but the echoes of a time she can never get back.
Your eyes instinctively shift to your hands, the same hands you once held as children. You remember how easy it was, how natural it felt when you were younger, sitting side by side in the dirt or on the roof of the Last Drop, fingers intertwined like nothing could ever pull you apart. Back then, it felt like the world was small, and nothing could hurt you as long as you were together.
But nowânow, everything has changed.
Her fingers curl around yours, and the warmth of her touch sends a wave of memories flooding backâsoft laughter, secret glances, the way her eyes would linger on you when she thought you werenât looking. You blink, trying to keep the rush of emotions in check, but itâs hard when every inch of you feels like itâs trembling.
Viâs eyes flicker to the ground below for a moment, her cheeks suddenly flushed, the soft red hue creeping up to her ears. It was that same familiar blush thatâd show during the times sheâd gift you a tiny present from those adventurous jobs she was in. Sheâs so close now, you can hear her breath hitch slightly as if sheâs gathering the courage to speak words that sheâs kept locked away for far too long.
âIâve always loved you, you know,â she said finally. âI never got the chance to tell youâŚâ
The words tumble from her mouth, quiet and unsteady, but every one of them feels like itâs been etched into her soul for years. She looks up at you, the faint redness still coloring her face as she holds your hand.
âIâd really like to make for the time I lost with you.â
The noise from the jukebox below, faint music playing through the speakers, the distant chatter of the Firelightsâit all fades away, drowned out by the thundering silence between you both. You stare at her, your heart racing, a million thoughts running through your mind, but none of them can fully process the weight of what sheâs just said. You feel the tears burn at the back of your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. You just stare at herâreally look at herâlike you havenât in years.
Viâs ears are bright red now, her gaze flicking away nervously. Sheâs never been good with things like this, always hiding behind her strength, her toughness.
And now, itâs all laid out in front of you.
Sheâs always loved you.
You swallow hard, your hand squeezing hers as you finally manage to find your voice, even though it feels as if itâs been taken from you for so long. Youâre not sure if you want to speak, if youâre ready to speak, but it doesnât matter.
A single tear slips down your cheek, catching in the moonlight that spills across the roof. You huff, your breath shaky, and quickly turn your head, trying to wipe it away before Vi can see.
But youâre not quick enough.
Viâs blue eyes are already on you, her gaze soft, understanding, and something deeper, something tender that makes your heart ache even more. She doesnât say anything at first, just watches you quietly, her thumb gently brushing over your knuckles as she holds your hand tighter.
The silence stretches between the two of you, but it doesnât feel heavy. It feels like the beginning of something, something you both need but are too afraid to admit.
âYouâre such an idiot,â you murmur, your voice unsteady as you try to hide the way your chest tightens.
You shake your head, still unable to fully meet her gaze, the words leaving your mouth before you can stop them. The sting of the tear on your cheek fades as you try to swallow down the lump in your throat, but itâs useless.
Viâs lips twitch, just a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Sheâs always known how to make you smile, even when everything else around you seemed to be falling apart. Now, itâs the same thing. Sheâs still that person who knows how to make your heart feel lighter, even in times like this.
âI know.â
Her voice is soft, almost teasing, but thereâs no mockery in it, only the acceptance of your wordsâbecause sheâs heard them before. Sheâs known, deep down, that you always thought she was an idiot, that she was reckless, that she made mistakes.
But none of that mattered.
Sheâs always loved you. And youâve always known it, even if you didnât want to admit it at first.
She scoots closer to you, the space between you shrinking as she leans in, her body warm against yours. You can feel the weight of her presence beside you, the soft strength that always made you feel safe. Her hand tightens around yours, pulling it into her lap, and you let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes as if you canât bear to look at her yet.
But her touch reminds you of who you were before everything fell apart, before the years, the distance, and the pain.
âI know,â she repeats softly, her smile growing. She brings your hand up to her lips, softly pressing a gentle kiss on your knuckles, the red still staining her ears as she nudges you with her shoulder.
âBut Iâm your idiot.â
And you want to laugh, want to smile and tease her like you used to, but instead, you just sit there. Just breathe.
Vi is here. Sheâs real. And sheâs never stopped loving you.
And maybeâjust maybeâyouâre ready to love her back the way sheâs always wanted you to.
ty for reading! | masterlist
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more bombshell reader and maybe jealous hotch!!
Something in the Way She Moves
Masterlist || Ao3
Pairing:Â Aaron Hotchner x Bombshell Female Reader||Word Count:Â 20k!!
Tags/Warnings: No use of Y/N, canon-typical violence, canon-typical themes, spoilers/mentions of past character's death(s), hurt/comfort, jealousy, fluff, angst, breakups, forbidden romance, smut, sex without protection, yearning Hotch, Reader is Hotch's Boss, holidays, Reader has hair, cheating if you squint (not on each other; not Reader on/by Hotch), mentions of alcohol at social setting, bombshell reader, possessive Hotch, jealous reader
Sypnosis: As the new section chief of the BAU, youâre determined to lead with professionalismâdespite an undeniable connection with Aaron Hotchner, the stoic unit chief who understands you like no one else. When your growing romance draws scrutiny from the Bureau and threatens both your careers, breaking things off feels like the only choice. But resisting your feelings is easier said than done, and navigating the fallout proves more complicatedâand personalâthan either of you anticipated.
Aaron Hotchner had always believed in rules. They provided structure, a way to ensure order in the chaos of the world he inhabited daily. He lived by themâuntil you walked back into his life.
When you first stepped into Erin Straussâ old office as the new Section Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Aaron had already known you would get the job. Not because you were an excellent candidate, though that was undeniable, but because he had written the letter of recommendation that tipped the scales. Heâd been the one to argue your case, to convince the higher-ups that your tactical mind, people skills, and years of leadership in the Child Abduction and Serial Killer Unit made you the right choice.
He knew he couldnât take on the job himself. He didnât want to sacrifice his time in the field or more time away from Jack. Things with Beth had just mutually ended, and he knew now wasnât time for a big change in his career. His team needed stability, too. He knew where to find it for them. He couldnât think of a better boss for himself or his team.Â
But what Aaron hadnât expected was how your presence would shift the ground beneath his feet.
From day one, you were everything he rememberedâcommanding, intelligent, and stunning. But there was a new energy to you now. Your style was impeccable, all sharp lines and elegance, yet undeniably bold. You wore heels that clicked purposefully against the tiled floors, and your perfume lingered just long enough to be distracting. Every room you entered turned its attention to you, though you never seemed to revel in it. You worked hardâharder than anyoneâbut also knew how to treat yourself. Aaron admired that, envied it even.
And then there was the personal side, the one you didnât show many. The way you smiled when you spoke about your nieceâs upcoming recital. The way your laugh, a warm and genuine sound, filled the briefing room when someone cracked a joke. You were extra, yesâextravagant evenâbut never entitled. You could be sharp-tongued and exacting, but you were also kind and humble. You never asked anyone for anything you wouldnât provide for yourself.
You were a paradox, and Aaron found himself drawn to you more every day.
The first time the two of you crossed the line, it had been... unplanned.
It was late, the kind of late where the bullpen was empty except for the faint hum of desk lamps and the rhythmic clicks of Aaron typing. You had come down from your office, a mug of tea in your hand and a softness to your expression he rarely saw as you popped into his opened door.
âYouâre still here?â
âI could ask the same of you,â he replied, looking up from his laptop as you perched on the edge of his desk.
The conversation started as work but soon meandered. Aaron had always valued your opinion, and it wasnât unusual for the two of you to linger over cases. But that night, as the hours stretched on, there was a shift.
âIâve always admired your dedication,â you said quietly, your gaze steady on him.Â
âThank you,â Aaron replied, his throat tightening.
âAnd the way you fought for me to get this position... Aaron, it means more than you know.â
There was a vulnerability in your voice, a crack in the armor you so carefully maintained. Aaron wasnât sure what compelled him, but before he could second-guess it, his hand covered yours where it rested on his desk.
That simple touch was all it took to change everything.
Weeks passed before either of you acknowledged what was happening. It started innocently enoughâa lingering glance across the briefing room, the brush of hands when passing files, the way your voices softened when it was just the two of you. But it didnât take long for the connection to deepen, slipping past the professional boundaries you had so carefully constructed.
Aaron would find himself texting you late at night, ostensibly to discuss case details, but the conversations often veered into personal territory. It wouldnât take long until you crossed the boundary, deciding the messages werenât enough phone calls were needed. He learned that you hated mornings but loved the ritual of your complicated coffee orders, that you missed the simplicity of fieldwork but thrived in your new role because it gave you a broader sense of impact. You learned that he still struggled with guilt over Haley, that he missed spending more time with Jack but refused to let his son see his father falter.
The shift wasnât dramatic, but it was undeniable. The way you looked at him during meetings lingered too long, your gaze softening when you thought no one else was watching. The way he always stood a little closer to you than necessary, catching your perfumeâan elegant mix of jasmine and citrusâthat lingered long after you walked away. The stolen moments became something he craved, something he couldnât ignore.
Aaron knew it was wrongâor, at the very least, complicated. But the way you saw him, truly saw him, made it impossible to stay away. Aaron had met a lot of people in his life, nobody who completely saw him. It was almost as if he spent his whole life searching for it, for it to be looking him in the face all of these years.Â
The first time he kissed you, it was in your office.
You were pacing, heels clicking against the polished floor, your tailored suit jacket hanging neatly on the back of your chair. The soft silk blouse you wore glimmered faintly in the dim light, catching his attention more than it should have.
âCan you believe this?â you muttered, gesturing toward the papers on your desk. âA dozen forms to approve before tomorrow, as if I donât already have enough to do. And the Director wants an update onââ
âStop,â Aaron interrupted gently, his deep voice cutting through your frustration.
You froze mid-stride, turning to face him. Your expression softened slightly, but your eyesâthose piercing, calculating eyes that could read anyone in a heartbeatâsearched his face for answers.
âWhat is it, Aaron?â you asked the edge in your tone melting into something warmer.
He stood from the chair opposite your desk, his broad shoulders and crisp suit making him seem even taller in the small space.
âI canât do this anymore,â he admitted, his voice quiet but firm.
Your brow furrowed, confusion flickering across your features. âDo what?â
He stepped closer, his dark eyes locked on yours, his presence overwhelming in the best way.
âPretend that I donât want more.â
For a moment, the air between you stilled, charged with an unspoken tension that had been building for weeks. Your lips parted slightly, but no words came. Instead, you tilted your head, studying him with the same intensity you reserved for interrogations.
And then your free hand moved, reaching up to curl into his tie, the silk fabric slipping easily between your fingers. You tugged gently, pulling him toward you, your breath mingling with his.
âAaron,â you murmured, a faint warning still lingering in your tone.
But he didnât stop. His hand rose to cup the side of your face, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone. Your skin was warm, impossibly soft, and he couldnât remember the last time heâd felt anything so grounding.
The kiss started tentative, almost hesitant, but the moment your lips met, it shattered whatever walls remained between you. You leaned into him, your other hand finding its way to his chest, where his heart pounded beneath the crisp cotton of his shirt. His other hand slid to your waist, his fingers pressing lightly against the curve of your hip, steadying you as you deepened the kiss.
You tasted like mint and something sweet, and Aaron thought he might be losing his mind. The world outside your office door ceased to exist; there was only you, your warmth, your intoxicating presence.
When you finally pulled back, your cheeks were flushed, and your breathing uneven. His tie was slightly askew, and your fingers still clutched it loosely as if unsure whether to let go.
âWell,â you said, your voice teasing but laced with something raw, something real. âThatâs one way to solve a bureaucratic nightmare.â
Aaron chuckled softly, his forehead resting briefly against yours.
âIâm sorry,â he murmured, though he didnât look it. He certainly didnât feel it.Â
âDonât be,â you replied, your fingers brushing the lapel of his jacket. âJust... donât make me regret this.â
âI wonât,â he promised, his voice steady.
And he meant it. Whatever came next, whatever complications or consequences arose, Aaron knew one thing for certain: thisâyouâwas worth it.
Aaron Hotchner had never been one to let himself indulgeânot in anything that wasnât for Jack, at least. His life revolved around necessity and function, keeping his head above water while ensuring those around him could do the same. Haley and Beth had been simpleâŚthese minor things didnât appeal to them. But with you, indulgence didnât feel frivolous. It felt... right.
The kiss had been a turning point. It wasnât just the line crossedâit was the invitation to something more. After that moment in your office, there was no going back. Within days, the two of you had quietly shifted from colleagues to something undeniably personal. By the end of the first week, Aaron had asked you out, and to his surprise, youâd agreed without hesitation.
Your first date had been dinner at a small but elegant restaurant nestled in the heart of Georgetown. Aaron had chosen the spot carefullyâupscale enough to meet your polished tastes but intimate enough to keep prying eyes at bay.
âI have to admit,â youâd said over a glass of sauvignon blanc, âI wasnât sure youâd be able to keep up with me.â
Aaron had raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips. âKeep up with you how?â
Your expression had turned playful, your eyes sparkling in the candlelight. âLetâs just say Iâve been accused of having... expensive taste.â
Aaron had leaned back in his chair, swirling his whiskey casually. âYou think I donât know that by now?â he teased. âYouâre the only person Iâve ever met who insisted on a specific brand of bottled water for office meetings.â
âThatâs called maintaining standards,â you countered with mock indignation.
He chuckled softly, the sound low and warm. âDonât worry. I might be frugal, but Iâm not struggling. And I like to spoil the people I care about.â
The admission had caught you off guard, he could tell. Your confident demeanor had faltered just enough for him to notice, and for a moment, youâd looked down at your glass, your smile softer. âWell,â youâd said finally, meeting his gaze again, âI wonât complain about that.â
By the time youâd gone on a few dates, Aaron found himself more at ease with the idea of what you were becoming. It wasnât just the shared dinners, the quiet moments in the corners of bars, or the back seats of dimly lit movie theaters. It was the way you fit into his life so seamlessly. Despite your differencesâyou with your love of extravagance and meticulous planning and him with his pragmatic approach and quiet restraintâyou balanced each other.
You worked well together, too. Surprisingly well. If anything, your meticulous attention to detail and unrelenting standards had only strengthened the BAU. Aaron had always considered himself by the book, but compared to you, he realized he could be downright lenient.
âYouâre more Type A than I am,â he commented one night after a case briefing, leaning against the doorframe of your office.
You glanced up from your perfectly organized desk, where every file was stacked at precise right angles. âIs that your way of saying Iâm bossy?â
âNot at all,â he replied, his tone teasing. âIâm saying youâre by-the-book to a fault. Itâs impressive, really.â
You rolled your eyes, but your smile betrayed you. âSays the man who color-codes his case files.â
âTouchĂŠ,â he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. âBut I donât panic at the thought of bending the rules when necessary.â
Your expression sobered slightly, and Aaron noticed the way your hands stilled over the papers in front of you. âI just... I donât want to give anyone a reason to question meâor us.â
Ah. There it was.
âYouâre worried about telling the Director,â Aaron said, stepping further into the room.
Your silence was answer enough.
Aaron sat on the edge of your desk, his presence grounding. âThings are going well,â he said firmly. âThe team respects you. Cases are running smoothly. We work together seamlessly. Thereâs no reason for anyone to take issue with thisâunless we give them one.â
You looked up at him, your expression vulnerable in a way few ever saw. âBut what if they do? What if they say itâs inappropriate or unprofessional? I could lose this position, Aaron.â
He reached for your hand, covering it with his. The touch was gentle, but his grip steady, reassuring. âYou wonât lose it. Youâve earned this. No one can take that from you.â
âBut what about you?â you asked quietly. âIf this affects your place on the team...â
âI wonât let it,â Aaron said with conviction. âWeâve handled worse than bureaucratic red tape. Besides, I think the Director has bigger problems than two senior members of the BAU in a consensual, functional relationship.â
Your lips twitched into a reluctant smile. âFunctional, huh? Thatâs romantic.â
Aaron smirked, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. âWhat can I say? Iâm a realist.â
You shook your head, your laughter soft but genuine. âI donât know how you stay so calm about this.â
âBecause Iâve spent my life trying to control everything,â he admitted. âAnd Iâve learned the hard way that some things are worth the risk.â
Your gaze lingered on his, the weight of his words settling between you. And for the first time since this all began, Aaron saw the tension in your shoulders ease.
âOkay,â you said finally, your voice steady. âWeâll tell the Director. Together.â
Aaron nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. âTogether.â
In that moment, as the two of you sat in the quiet comfort of your shared understanding, Aaron knew one thing for certain: whatever the future held, you were worth it. Every risk, every consequenceâyou were worth it.
Aaron Hotchner had walked into more high-pressure situations than he could count. Interrogating unsubs. Negotiating with armed suspects. Delivering heartbreaking news to grieving families. But as he sat outside the Directorâs office with you beside him, he felt a knot in his stomach that rivaled even the most tense of standoffs.
You sat with your legs crossed, your polished heel bouncing ever so slightlyâa nervous tick Aaron had come to recognize. You were dressed impeccably, as always, your tailored blazer sharp enough to cut through steel. But Aaron knew you well enough to see the tension in the way you smoothed nonexistent wrinkles from your skirt or adjusted your necklace.
He reached over, his hand brushing yours lightly. âWeâll be fine,â he said quietly, his voice low enough not to carry.
You turned your head, offering him a small smile, but the doubt in your eyes was unmistakable.
Before he could say more, the assistant opened the door. âThe Director will see you now.â
The Directorâs office was a testament to order and authority. Every book on the shelves was carefully aligned, the awards and commendations behind the desk displayed with precision. Aaron Hotchner had sat across from this desk many times, but today, the air felt heavier. He wasnât just representing his team or defending a decision. Today was personal.
The Director greeted them with a curt nod, gesturing for them to sit. Aaron glanced at you as you settled into the chair beside him, your posture immaculate, your gaze steady. He knew the nerves beneath the surface were hidden behind that calm, polished exterior.
âYou wanted to discuss something... personal,â the Director said, leaning back slightly, his hands folded on the desk.
Aaron cleared his throat and straightened in his chair. âYes, sir. We wanted to inform you about our relationship.â
The Directorâs eyebrows rose slightly, but his face remained unreadable. He waited, prompting Aaron to continue.
âWeâve been seeing each other for some time now. Weâve taken every precaution to ensure it doesnât interfere with our work or the teamâs performance. Cases continue to run smoothly, and morale remains high. We believeââ
The Director raised a hand, signaling for Aaron to stop.
Aaron exchanged a brief glance with you. The air seemed to grow heavier.
âI appreciate your honesty,â the Director said, his voice even, almost sympathetic. âBut this isnât acceptable.â
You leaned forward slightly, your tone measured but firm. âWith all due respect, sir, weâve maintained professionalism at all times. There has been no impact on the teamâs dynamics or efficiency.â
The Director sighed and leaned back in his chair, his expression thoughtful but resolute. âThis isnât about professionalism or efficiency, though I trust that both of you believe youâve kept those intact. Itâs about perception. The BAU is already under a microscope. The media, oversight committees, politiciansâtheyâre all waiting for any reason to scrutinize this unit further.â
Aaron shifted in his seat. âSir, weâve handled public scrutiny before. Weâve worked under immense pressure and still delivered results. I believeââ
âYou believe,â the Director interrupted, his voice gentle but firm. âBut this is not about what you believe or how well you perform. Itâs about how this looks. Two of the highest-ranking members in the same unit, in a romantic relationship? It opens doors for questions about bias, favoritism, and poor judgment.â
You stiffened slightly, and Aaron could feel the tension radiating from you.
âWeâve had to address optics before,â the Director continued, his tone less stern and more weary. âWhen Erin Strauss was here, we allowed too much to slideâher personal struggles, her decisions that created friction within the team. It put the BAU in a precarious position, one we barely recovered from. And now, with our history, with every move under scrutiny, I canât let this slide. Not again.â
Aaron pressed his lips into a thin line, forcing himself to remain composed. âSir, neither of us would let this compromise our responsibilities. Our records speak for themselves.â
The Director nodded slowly. âThey do, Hotchner. Both of you have impeccable records, and I trust your intentions. But this isnât about trust. Itâs about precedent. If I allow this, what message does it send? That personal relationships among senior staff are acceptable? That the rules donât apply here?â
You spoke next, your voice calm but resolute. âWeâre not asking for special treatment. Weâre asking for acknowledgment that this doesnât interfere with our ability to lead.â
The Director exhaled, his tone softening. âI understand what youâre saying. And if the world operated on logic alone, I might agree. But the reality is perception matters. The BAU is too visible, too scrutinized. I canât allow this.â
âWhat are you saying?â Aaron asked, though he already knew the answer.
âIâm saying one of you has to transfer, or this relationship ends,â the Director said evenly. âThose are your options. I wonât dictate which path you choose, but this arrangement cannot continue while youâre both in these positions.â
The finality in his tone hit like a cold wind. Aaronâs fists clenched in his lap, though his face remained impassive. Beside him, he could feel you bristling but holding yourself together.
âIs there any room for reconsideration?â you asked, your voice level but tight.
The Director shook his head. âI wish there were. I respect both of you immensely. But this is a line we canât afford to cross.â
The silence that followed was suffocating.
âI can draft up some reccomendsations for units to transfer,â he continued, âBut Iâd warn you, that may put a bigger target on your back with the brass.âÂ
âIs that all, sir?â you asked finally, your voice sharper than you likely intended.
âThatâs all,â the Director replied, his tone tinged with something almost regretful.
The Directorâs words still echoed in Aaron Hotchnerâs ears as you stormed out of the office, your heels clicking sharply against the tile floor. Aaron trailed behind you, his thoughts spinning, barely registering the brisk pace you set.
When you reached the bullpen, you didnât stop. You headed straight for the stairs that led to the upper offices, bypassing your usual elevator ride. Aaron hesitated for a moment before following, his long strides catching up to you as you pushed through the door to your private office and let it slam shut behind you.
For a moment, Aaron stood outside, his hand hovering near the doorknob. He could hear you moving insideâpapers rustling, a muffled sigh, the creak of your chair as you sat heavily into it. He took a breath and opened the door, stepping inside and closing it quietly behind him.
You didnât look at him. Instead, you stared at your desk, your hands resting on its polished surface as if grounding yourself. Your jaw was tight, your expression unreadable, but Aaron had known you long enough to see the storm brewing beneath the surface.
âThis is ridiculous,â you said finally, your voice low but trembling with barely contained frustration. âWeâve done everything right. Everything. And it still doesnât matter.â
Aaron didnât respond immediately. What could he say that wouldnât feel hollow? That he agreed? That he hated the situation just as much as you did? None of it would change the reality bearing down on both of you.
âWeâll figure this out,â he said quietly, though the words felt inadequate even as he spoke them.
Your head snapped up, your eyes blazing as they met his. âHow, Aaron? How do we figure this out? Do I transfer? Do you? Do we just pretend weâre fine with throwing everything away?â
Aaron opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat. Heâd been in impossible situations beforeâones where no option felt right, but he had to choose anyway. This time, though, the stakes felt different. He wasnât deciding a case, balancing strategy and risk. He was standing on the precipice of losing something he hadnât even realized he needed until it was almost too late.
When you finally looked away, your shoulders slumping under the weight of the conversation, Aaron allowed himself a moment to think. To really think.
He imagined what it would mean to leave. Retiring from fieldwork had crossed his mind beforeâJack was growing up fast, and Aaron had often wondered if he was missing too much. But the idea of stepping into a more conservative role, away from the pulse of the work, left a hollow ache in his chest.
And then there was you. He thought of you sacrificing your position, giving up this incredible opportunity that you had earned through sheer determination and talent. The thought twisted his stomach.
Aaron couldnât bear it. He couldnât let another person give up so much of themselves for his job. He had promised himself, after Haley, that he wouldnât let his work consume anyone else. That was why he had let Beth go so easily when she wanted more for herself and her career.
But you werenât Haley or Beth. You were different. You were his equal, his match in every way that mattered. And yet, the guilt and shame of letting you make that kind of sacrificeâfor him, for themâwas unbearable.
âYou shouldnât have to leave,â Aaron said finally, breaking the silence. His voice was steady, but the weight behind the words was impossible to miss.
You looked at him sharply. âAnd you think you should?â
âNo,â he admitted. âBut I canât ask you to give this up. I wonât.â
Your hands curled into fists on the desk, and Aaron saw the flicker of pain in your eyes before you looked away. âSo what? We just... stop?â
Aaron exhaled slowly, his heart aching at the rawness in your voice. âI donât want to,â he said honestly. âBut maybe itâs whatâs best.â
Your laugh was bitter, your head shaking. âBest for who? Them? The optics? Certainly not us.â
Aaron stepped closer, his hands resting on the edge of your desk. âItâs not fair,â he said quietly, meeting your gaze. âNone of this is. But if we keep fighting this, it could hurt the team. It could hurt you. And I canât live with that.â
Your eyes glistened, but you blinked quickly, refusing to let tears fall. âSo thatâs it? We just... agree to walk away?â
Aaronâs throat tightened. âI donât want to,â he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. âBut I think we have to.â
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The air between you felt heavy, suffocating as if the weight of what you were agreeing to was pressing down on both of you at once.
Finally, you stood, your movements slow and deliberate. You rounded the desk, stopping just in front of him.
âDo you really think this is the right thing to do?â you asked, your voice cracking just enough to betray the strength you were trying to hold on to.
âNo,â Aaron admitted, his own voice hoarse. âBut I think itâs the only thing we can do.â
The words hung in the air like a final verdict, sealing something neither of you wanted to face.
When you stepped closer, your hand resting lightly on his chest, Aaronâs heart broke a little more. He covered your hand with his, holding it there for a moment as if trying to memorize the feeling.
âI hate this,â you whispered, your eyes meeting his one last time. He didnât miss the tears beginning to well in them. It was instinct to want to look away, it was a sight too painful to unsee, but he found himself still looking through to you.
âSo do I,â he replied, his voice raw.
And then, as you stepped back and let your hand fall away, Aaron felt the loss like a physical blowâa kick to the knees. You walked past him, your steps unsteady but resolute.
He didnât turn to watch you leave. He couldnât. All he could do was stand there, alone in your office, knowing that this decisionâthe right one, the necessary oneâwas going to haunt him for a long time.
The weeks that followed were some of the hardest Aaron Hotchner had endured, and that was saying something. He had always prided himself on compartmentalizing, on keeping his personal life from bleeding into his work. But thisâyouâmade that impossible.
The day after the decision, you had returned to work with the same polished professionalism you always displayed. Your suit was impeccable, your tone measured, and your focus sharp. But Aaron saw the cracks beneath the surface. He saw the way your eyes avoided his during meetings, the way your smilesârare as they were nowânever reached your eyes.
And it wasnât just you. Aaron could feel the weight of it pressing down on him, a constant ache in his chest that no amount of distraction could dull. He would catch himself looking at you across the bullpen, remembering how it felt to have you close, to hear you laugh in those unguarded moments. The memories were like splintersâsmall, sharp reminders of what heâd lost.
He wondered if it were some sort of sick joke. That once again, here he was, Aaron Hotchner choosing the job over what was right in front of him.Â
The team picked up on it quickly, though they didnât understand the cause at first.
âSomethingâs off,â Morgan said one afternoon, leaning against Aaronâs office door.
Aaron didnât look up from the file in front of him. âWhat do you mean?â
Morgan shrugged, his casual demeanor belying the concern in his eyes. âYou and her,â he said, nodding toward your office. âI donât know... You two used to be so in sync. Now itâs like thereâs this... distance.â
Aaronâs jaw tightened, but he kept his expression neutral. âWeâre fine. Just busy.â
Morgan raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but he didnât press further. Still, Aaron knew the others had noticed it too. Reidâs hesitant glances during meetings, JJâs subtle attempts to smooth over the tension, and even Garciaâs uncharacteristic silence when she addressed the two of you.
The pain of working together was a constant, gnawing ache. Every interaction felt like walking a tightrope, balancing professionalism with the unspoken emotions neither of you could completely hide.
During briefings, Aaron found himself hyper-aware of you. The way you avoided sitting too close. The way your voice would falter, just slightly, when addressing him directly. It was subtle, so subtle that no one outside the team would notice. But Aaron noticed.
You rarely joined the team in the field, but you were more present than Straussâ constant absence due to her dislike of fieldwork when in your role. Even in the field, the strain was palpable. The easy rhythm you had once shared was gone, replaced by clipped exchanges and a formality that felt wrong coming from you.
âYouâre clear on the approach?â Aaron asked during one such mission, his voice firm but hollow.
You nodded, your tone equally curt. âI am.â
It was efficient. Professional. Everything it needed to be. But it wasnât you. At least not the you he knew.
The worst moments came in the quiet, in the spaces between the chaos. Late nights at the BAU, when the rest of the team had gone home and the building was quiet. Sometimes, Aaron would catch a glimpse of you in your office, the light from your desk lamp casting long shadows across your face. He wanted to go to you, to break the silence and bridge the gap, but he never did.
One night, as he packed up to leave, he saw you sitting at your desk, your head in your hands. You didnât notice him watching, and for a brief moment, he considered walking in, saying somethingâanything. But then you straightened, brushing a hand through your hair, and the moment passed.
Aaron turned away, the pit in his stomach growing heavier with each step he took toward the exit.
The team never said anything outright, but Aaron could feel their unease. They didnât know the detailsâdidnât know that the two of you had once been something more, or how close you had come to risking everything to stay that way. But they felt the shift.
JJ tried to smooth things over with small acts of kindnessâbringing coffee, lightening the mood in meetings. Morgan watched both of you with quiet curiosity, his usual teasing replaced by a patience Aaron hadnât expected. Even Garcia, ever perceptive, gave him a long, searching look one day before sighing and saying, âYou know, you can talk to us, right? About anything.â
Aaron had nodded, offering a faint smile he didnât feel. âThanks, Garcia.â
Months passed, and the ache dulled, but it never went away. Aaron learned to live with it, to bury it beneath the weight of his responsibilities. He told himself it was the right decision, the only decision, but there were momentsâlate at night, when the silence was deafeningâwhen he let himself imagine what could have been.
And youâhe could see it in your eyes, the way you carried the same weight. You were just as professional, just as efficient, but there was a sadness in you now that hadnât been there before. It mirrored his own, and that was perhaps the hardest part of all.
You were both doing what you thought was best. And it was killing you.
The bullpen was unusually quiet when Aaron Hotchner stepped out of his office. His team was gathered around JJâs desk, their conversation hushed but animated. The moment his presence registered, they all straightened slightly, trying to appear busy.
Aaron didnât buy it for a second.
âMorgan. JJ,â he said, his tone even but curious as he descended the steps. âWhatâs going on?â
JJ exchanged a quick look with Morgan before speaking. âOh, uh, nothing, Hotch. Just catching up on some... Quantico gossip.â
Aaron arched an eyebrow. Gossip wasnât something his team typically indulged inânot during work hours, at least. âWhat kind of gossip?â
Morgan rubbed the back of his neck, a rare flash of discomfort crossing his face. âThe kind that probably shouldnât leave the locker room, but since itâs about someone we all know... it didnât sit right with me.â
Aaronâs jaw tightened as he stopped a few feet from the group. âWho?â
Morgan hesitated, glancing at the others. Emily crossed her arms, her expression skeptical but intrigued, while Penelope fidgeted, clearly torn between curiosity and concern.
âLook,â Morgan started, his tone careful, âitâs aboutâŚYou knowââ
Aaronâs stomach sank. He didnât need Morgan to say your name to know exactly who he meant.
âGo on,â Aaron said, his voice clipped but controlled.
Morgan sighed, leaning against the desk. âJJ and I were at the gym downstairs yesterday. I was in the locker room, and I heard some guyâone of the suits from Finance, I thinkâtalking about her.â
Aaronâs chest tightened as Morgan continued.
âHe was bragging about how theyâve been... seeing each other,â Morgan said, his expression darkening. âBut the way he was talkingâman, it was gross. Like, disrespectful. He was sexualizing her in a way that made my skin crawl.â
JJ chimed in, her voice tinged with frustration. âHe called her a âgreat ass with brainsââas if thatâs all she is. Then he made some comment about how lucky he was to have caught her attention.â
Aaronâs hands curled into fists at his sides.
âI told him to knock it off,â Morgan said, his tone sharp. âTold him it wasnât cool to talk about her like thatâespecially in a damn locker room, where anyone could hear.â
Penelopeâs mouth fell open, her indignation bubbling to the surface. âYouâre kidding me. He said that in the locker room? What kind ofâugh! Men are the worst sometimes.â
Emily smirked faintly, her voice dry as she added, âNot all men. Just most.â
Rossi, who had been quiet up until now, leaned back in the chair and folded his arms. âSo sheâs seeing this guy? Or is he just running his mouth?â
Morgan shrugged. âCouldnât say for sure. But he seemed pretty confident.â
Aaronâs jaw clenched so tightly it ached. He could feel the teamâs eyes on him, but he refused to let his expression betray the storm brewing inside.
âHotch,â JJ said gently, her voice pulling him back. âYou okay?â
âIâm fine,â Aaron said curtly. âBut I need to remind all of you that gossipâabout anyoneâisnât appropriate here. If thereâs a problem, it needs to be addressed through the proper channels.â
The team exchanged glances, but no one pushed further.
Aaron returned to his office, closing the door behind him with a bit more force than necessary. He sank into his chair, staring at the stack of files on his desk without really seeing them.
The idea of you seeing someone else didnât sit well with him. Not because you didnât deserve happinessâyou did, more than anyone. But because the thought of you with someone who didnât appreciate you, who reduced you to nothing more than your appearance or used you as a bragging point, made his blood boil.
He hated the way that man in the locker room had spoken about you. Hated that it had happened at all.
And yet, there was something else eating at him. Something sharper, more selfish.
Jealousy.
The idea that you might have moved onâmight have found comfort in someone elseâs armsâcut deeper than he wanted to admit. He had no right to feel this way. The two of you had made your decision, painful as it was, and he had to live with it. But knowing you might be with someone else, hearing those crude words about you... it was unbearable.
Aaron rubbed a hand over his face, willing himself to focus. He couldnât afford to let his emotions cloud his judgment. Not now. Not ever.
But as he sat there, the words from the locker room replaying in his mind, he couldnât shake the gnawing feeling that he had let you go too soon. Too easily.
And it was killing him.
Time had a way of dulling pain, or so Aaron Hotchner told himself. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. The ache of what had been and what could never be dulled into something he carried silently, like an old injury that flared up when the weather changed. But it never went away.
And then he found out for certain.
He hadnât meant to overhear the conversationâit was the kind of thing he normally tuned out. But as he passed by the kitchen in the Quantico building, he caught the tail end of a conversation between two agents from a different unit, their voices low but not low enough.
âYeah, theyâve been going out for a while now,â one said, his tone carrying an unmistakable edge of smugness. âI canât believe he managed to lock her down. Sheâs way out of his league.â
The other laughed. âI heard sheâs really something. Smart, gorgeous, the whole package. Lucky bastard.â
Aaron didnât need to hear your name to know exactly who they were talking about.
He found himself sitting in his office later that day, staring blankly at the case file in front of him. The words on the page blurred together, his focus shattered.
You were seeing himâthe man from Finance. The one Morgan had overheard in the locker room, the one who had spoken about you like you were nothing more than a conquest.
Aaronâs jaw tightened, and his chest ached with something that felt dangerously close to regret. He hated the thought of you with someone who didnât truly see youâwho didnât appreciate the sharpness of your mind, the strength in your character, the way you carried yourself with grace and confidence even under the heaviest burdens.
And yet, what right did he have to feel this way?
You had every right to move on. Every right to find happiness where you could. It wasnât your fault that he couldnât shake the lingering shadow of what the two of you had sharedâor what might have been if things had been different.
As the weeks dragged on, Aaron tried to bury himself in his work. He tried not to notice the way you laughed at something someone said in the bullpen or the way your eyes lit up during a briefing when an idea struck you. He tried not to think about the nights you spent with someone else, someone who wasnât him.
And then Beth called.
It had been months since theyâd last spoken, her name long buried in the recesses of his mind. But there she was, her voice warm and familiar, asking how he was, how Jack was if he might want to grab coffee sometime.
Aaron hesitated.
He thought of youâof the distance that had grown between you, the way your conversations were now stilted and professional, the warmth that used to linger between you replaced by a polite coolness. He thought of the man from Finance, the way his name had crept into conversations around the office, always tied to you.
Maybe it was time, Aaron thought. If you had moved on, maybe he should too.
He met Beth for coffee and then for dinner. She was as kind and understanding as he remembered, her smile easy, her company pleasant. But something was missing.
With you, there had been a fireâa spark that made every conversation electric, every glance charged with something unspoken. With Beth, it was different. Comfortable but muted.
Still, Aaron told himself it was the right thing to do. Jack liked her, and she was good to him. Maybe this was what he neededâa reminder of what it felt like to let someone in, to have a life outside the walls of the BAU.
But no matter how much he tried, Aaron couldnât shake the feeling that he was going through the motions. He couldnât stop himself from comparing every moment with Beth to the moments heâd shared with you.
When Beth laughed, it wasnât your laugh. When she reached for his hand, it didnât feel the same as when you had pulled him close in the quiet of your office.
And every time he saw you in the hallways of Quantico or across the table during a case briefing, that ache in his chest flared anew.
Aaron knew he had made his choice. He had chosen to let you go, to protect the work and the team, to do what he thought was right. And now, he was trying to live with that choice, even as it slowly unraveled him from the inside.
But as he sat in his office late one night, the bullpen quiet and empty, Aaron allowed himself a single, fleeting moment of honesty.
He had moved on.
But not really.
Because a part of himâthe part he tried to bury beneath duty and responsibilityâwould always belong to you.
Aaron Hotchner sat at the head of the conference table, scanning the stack of case files in front of him as the team settled into their usual seats. The murmur of conversation drifted around the roomâMorgan and Emily debating the odds of another late-night call, Penelope slipping a fresh report to Reid, Rossi sipping a coffee that smelled distinctly stronger than the usual bullpen brew.
You entered last, heels clicking sharply against the tile floor as you carried yourself with the effortless confidence Aaron admired. You placed your tablet on the table and glanced around the room, your polished demeanor demanding attention without a single word.
âBefore we get into case updates,â you began, your voice calm but firm, âI wanted to bring something to everyoneâs attention.â
Aaron leaned back in his chair, already anticipating the shift in focus. You had a way of setting the roomâs tone that even Rossi respected, and your next words proved no different.
âAs most of you know,â you continued, your gaze sweeping across the team, âthe Bureauâs annual holiday party is coming up. And while Iâm well aware that the BAU has a reputation for... skipping it, I feel this year itâs important that we all make an effort to attend.â
That got their attention. Emilyâs eyebrows lifted, Morgan tilted his chair back with an incredulous grin, and Penelope froze mid-sip of her elaborately decorated coffee.
âCome on,â Morgan said, his tone half-teasing. âYou canât be serious. You know those parties are all stiff handshakes and bad speeches.â
You smiled faintly, unruffled. âIâm very serious, Morgan. This isnât about the party itselfâitâs about the message it sends.â
Aaron noticed the way you paused, your gaze flickering briefly in his direction before continuing. âAfter the last few years, itâs important that we show the brass that weâre aligned with their expectations. It demonstrates that we care about appearances and that weâre just as invested in maintaining relationships as they are.â
There it was. A subtle but unmistakable reminder of why things between you and Aaron could never be, woven seamlessly into a broader point that the rest of the team couldnât grasp fully.
Morgan raised a skeptical eyebrow. âYou mean to tell me weâre going to this thing to rub elbows with suits who donât know what we actually do out here?â
âYes, thatâs exactly what I mean,â you replied, your tone calm but edged with authority. âAppearances matter. And itâs our job to ensure those appearances align with the professionalism the BAU stands for.â
Aaron watched as the words settled over the team, their expressions shifting from mild amusement to begrudging understanding. You had a way of cutting through their resistance without belittling themâa skill Aaron had always admired.
âPlus,â you added, a faint smile tugging at your lips, âIâve been assured the band will be better than last yearâs.â You paused. âAnd an open bar.âÂ
That earned a soft chuckle from Penelope, who set her mug down with a small shrug. âWell, if itâs formal attire and a better band, I suppose I could make an appearance.â
âAttire is black-tie,â you confirmed, your gaze sweeping the room. âAnd yes, plus-ones are welcome. But I expect every one of you to be there. No exceptions.â
Emily leaned back in her chair, smirking. âGuess that means we all have to dust off our evening wear.â
âI have a tux,â Reid offered quietly, drawing a chuckle from Rossi.
Aaron remained quiet, his focus trained on you. He could feel the weight of your wordsânot just the direct ones, but the subtext you didnât need to spell out. He knew why you were pushing for this, why it mattered so much to you. And he hated that he understood.
As the meeting wrapped and the team began to filter out, you lingered behind, gathering your tablet and a small stack of papers. Aaron stood as well, pausing briefly near the door.
âFormal wear suits you,â he said quietly, his voice low enough that only you could hear.
You glanced up, your expression unreadable but your eyes betraying the smallest flicker of something softer. âI expect to see you there, Hotchner. On time.â
âYes, maâam,â he replied, his tone carrying a faint edge of humor.
But as he left the room, his chest tightened with the familiar ache that came every time he was near you. Formal appearances, aligned expectationsâhe understood all of it.
But that didnât mean it hurt any less.
The Bureauâs holiday party was exactly what Aaron Hotchner had expected: polished, overly formal, and steeped in thinly veiled networking. The grand ballroom at the hotel downtown was decorated in muted gold and deep red, elegant but impersonal. A string quartet played softly in one corner, their music adding to the ambiance without drowning out the hum of conversation.
Beth stood beside him, dressed in a sleek black gown that flattered her in every way. Her brunette hair was swept into a low chignon, and her smile was warm as she introduced herself to the occasional colleague who passed by. She looked stunning, and Aaron knew that anyone in the room would agree.
But when you walked in, Aaron forgot how to breathe.
You entered the ballroom on the arm of Jeff from Finance, a name that Aaron had come to resent more than he cared to admit. He was wearing a garish plaid tuxedo jacket that screamed âtrying too hard,â and his broad grin made Aaronâs jaw tighten. But none of that matteredâbecause you were radiant.
Your gown was a deep emerald green, the kind of color that made your eyes seem brighter, your skin glow. It hugged your figure perfectly, the fabric shimmering faintly under the chandelier light as you moved. Your hair, styled elegantly but effortlessly, framed your face in a way that made Aaronâs chest ache. You looked... otherworldly.
Aaron had always known you were beautiful. It was an undeniable fact, one that had never gone unnoticed by anyone who crossed your path. But tonight, you were something else entirely. You werenât just beautiful; you were extraordinary, like a rare phenomenon that people spend their entire lives waiting to glimpse.
When you stepped into the room, it was as though the world tilted slightly, every sound dulling, every light dimming except for the one that seemed to follow you. Aaronâs breath hitched, his chest tightening as a strange, almost childlike awe settled over him. He felt like a boy again, staring up at the stars for the first time and realizing just how vast and infinite the universe could be.
You were that kind of beautiful. The kind that made time seem to pause, as if the room itself was holding its breath just to take you in. You were the kind of beauty that inspired poetry and musicâthe kind artists yearned to capture and always failed to do justice.
And in that moment, Aaron finally understood why men wrote poetry, painted masterpieces, composed symphonies, and created entire films in honor of women like you. It was all a desperate attempt to grasp something fleeting, something divine, and pin it to the earth long enough to keep.
It wasnât just your gown, though the deep emerald green shimmered like it had been made for you, highlighting the curve of your shoulders and the elegance of your frame. It wasnât just the way your hair fell, soft waves framing your face in a way that seemed almost unfair. It was something deeper, something impossible to put into words.
Aaron felt it in his chest, a deep, aching yearning that heâd never experienced before. It was amazement, pure and unfiltered, like seeing magic for the first time and realizing it wasnât a trick. It was real. You were real. And yet, you didnât feel like something he could ever touch.
He couldnât stop staring, and for a brief, dizzying moment, he didnât care who saw. The logical part of his mindâthe one that always kept him groundedâwas overruled by something more primal, more human. How was it possible, he wondered, for someone to look like that? To exist in a way that felt so rare and unattainable and yet so deeply, painfully familiar?
He thought of how easily you commanded the room, not by seeking attention but simply by being. It wasnât forced, and it wasnât deliberate. It was just youâthis singular, dazzling presence that made everyone around you seem to fade into the background.
Aaron had never felt this way before, not even with Haley. Not even with anyone else heâd allowed into his life. This was something else entirely, something more profound and unsettling. It wasnât just admiration or attraction. It was belief. Belief in something he hadnât even realized heâd been missing.
And then he saw Jeff beside you, his tacky plaid suit clashing with the elegance of everything you were. The man who didnât seem to understand how lucky he was, who treated your presence like a status symbol rather than a gift.
Aaronâs stomach churned, his skin crawling as jealousy flared sharp and unrelenting. He hated itâhated the way it burned, the way it clawed at the edges of his composure.
But what he hated more was the knowledge that he had no right to feel it.
You werenât his. And yet, watching you from across the room, Aaron couldnât help but think you never truly belonged to anyone. You were too rare for that. Too extraordinary.
And God, how it ached to know he had let you go.
He forced himself to smile at Beth as she laughed at something Rossi said, but his attention kept drifting back to you. He hated the way Jeff hovered near you, his posture possessive and his grin smug. He hated the way Jeffâs gaudy suit jacket clashed with the elegance of your dress, as though he didnât understand how lucky he was to be standing beside you.
More than anything, Aaron hated the feeling crawling under his skinâthe sharp, searing jealousy that he couldnât shake. It was worse than anything he had felt before, even when Haley had been unfaithful right in front of his face. This was different.
Haleyâs betrayal had stung, yes, but it had been rooted in a relationship that had already begun to fracture. What Aaron felt now was raw and consuming, made worse by the knowledge that he had no claim on you. You werenât his.
You never would be.
Beth touched his arm gently, drawing his focus back to her. âYou okay?â she asked, her voice soft.
Aaron nodded quickly, plastering on a polite smile. âOf course. Just thinking about the week ahead.â
Beth gave him a knowing look but didnât press further. She turned her attention back to Rossi, leaving Aaron with his thoughts.
He glanced toward you again, catching the way you laughed at something Jeff said. It wasnât the laugh he rememberedâthe soft, genuine sound that used to fill his office late at night. This one was polite, reserved, a laugh you gave when you were being kind but not necessarily amused.
It was a small comfort but not enough to quiet the jealousy raging in his chest.
When you caught his eye from across the room, Aaron felt his breath hitch. Your gaze lingered for a momentâjust long enough for him to see the flicker of something in your expression before you turned away, a polite smile on your lips as you greeted someone else.
He had made his choice. You had made yours. But standing there, watching you with someone like Jeff, Aaron couldnât help but feel like he had made the wrong one.
And yet, there was nothing he could do but endure it.
So Aaron turned back to Beth, his expression carefully neutral, and let the music and the hum of conversation fade into the background. But the ache in his chest didnât go away.
It never did.
Aaron Hotchner stood at the bar, waiting for the bartender to return with his order. The room buzzed with conversation and the occasional burst of laughter, the hum of the holiday party continuing around him like static. Beth was across the room, talking animatedly with one of the Bureauâs administrators, her glass of white wine nearly empty.
He had volunteered to get her a refill, partly because he wanted to give her a moment to network uninterrupted, but mostly because he needed a moment to himself. Maybe Beth would sell a painting or two with the amount of stiff suits in the room thought, he thought.Â
The sight of you with Jeffâlaughing politely, your hand resting lightly on his armâwas wearing thin on his composure.
The bartender slid a fresh glass of wine and a scotch across the counter, and just as Aaron reached for them, he heard the unmistakable click of your heels behind him.
You didnât say anything at first. You simply sidled up beside him, so close that he could feel the faint warmth of your body through the fabric of his suit. The scent of your perfumeâsomething soft and alluring, with notes of jasmineâdrifted over him, making his pulse quicken.
Aaron didnât turn his head, but he felt the air shift between you. His grip on the glass tightened as he fought the urge to look.
Finally, you broke the silence.
âI hate you here with her.â
The words were quiet but sharp, cutting through the hum of the party like a knife. Aaron froze, his breath catching as he turned to look at you.
You werenât looking at him. Your gaze was fixed on the row of liquor bottles behind the bar, your expression calm but your eyes betraying the storm beneath.
He swallowed hard, his voice low and steady. âAnd you think I like seeing you here with Jeff?â
You let out a soft, bitter laugh, finally turning to meet his gaze. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The tension between you was palpable, crackling like static electricity in the small space that separated you.
Then you leaned in, so close that Aaron could feel the warmth of your breath against his ear.
âDo you know what I do?â you murmured, your voice almost a whisper. âI imagine itâs your hands on me instead of his. It makes it... easier.â
Aaronâs heart slammed against his ribcage, the weight of your words knocking the air out of him. He couldnât move, couldnât think, couldnât do anything but stare at you in stunned silence.
You straightened, your expression unreadable but your lips curling into a faint, almost sad smile. âI thought you should know.â
His throat felt dry, his voice caught somewhere between his chest and his mouth. He wanted to say somethingâanythingâbut nothing came.
Before he could gather his thoughts, you stepped back, your gaze flickering briefly to his hands, still clutching the glasses. âYour drinks,â you said softly, the faintest hint of something unspoken lingering in your tone.
And just like that, you were gone.
Aaron watched as you crossed the room, your hips swaying, your gown flowing gracefully behind you as you returned to Jeff and the group of section chiefs. You slipped back into the conversation effortlessly, smiling and nodding as though nothing had happened.
But Aaron knew better.
He stood there at the bar, the scotch and wine forgotten in his hands, as the weight of your words settled over him. His pulse still raced, his skin prickling with the memory of your closeness, your voice, your confession.
For a man who had always prided himself on control, Aaron felt anything but. You had shattered the careful walls heâd built around himself, leaving him standing in the middle of a crowded room, completely undone.
Aaron Hotchner sat at the table, his back straight, his hands loosely clasped around the tumbler of scotch in front of him. The room was alive with the sound of music, laughter, and the murmur of conversation, but to him, it all blurred into a distant hum.
Beth was seated beside him, engaged in an animated discussion with Penelope. Her warm laugh punctuated the conversation. Aaron nodded occasionally when prompted, but his focus was elsewhere.
Across the room, you swayed to the slow rhythm of the music, your body close to Jeffâs as he held you gently, one hand on your waist, the other resting lightly on your back. Your head tilted slightly, your cheek brushing the fabric of his shoulder. The two of you moved easily, almost effortlessly, to the soft melody of the band.
And then you looked up.
Your eyes found his across the room, and in that instant, the rest of the world fell away.
Aaron froze, his breath catching in his chest as your gaze locked onto his. There was something in the way you looked at him, something unspoken but deeply familiar, that cut through the noise and the lights and the meaningless chatter around him.
It wasnât just eye contact. It was a connectionâa thread pulled taut between you, invisible to everyone else but impossibly strong.
He couldnât look away.
Your eyes held his, and in them, he saw everything that words couldnât convey. Longing. Frustration. A quiet, desperate ache that mirrored his own. It was as though every emotion heâd buried, every feeling heâd suppressed, was reflected back at him in your gaze.
And then there was the tensionâthe undeniable, magnetic pull that had always existed between you but felt even stronger now. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, the kind of thing that made time seem irrelevant.
Aaron didnât notice the way his fingers tightened around the glass in his hand or the way his heart began to pound. All he knew was that he couldnât tear his eyes away from you.
You swayed gently in Jeffâs arms, your movements fluid and graceful, but your gaze never wavered. The music, the people, even Jeff himselfâall of it faded into the background. There was only you and him, locked in this moment, this silent conversation that neither of you could end.
It wasnât just attraction, though, that was there, simmering beneath the surface. It was something deeper, something raw and unspoken. It was the weight of every choice youâd made, every boundary youâd set, and every word youâd left unsaid.
Aaron felt like he couldnât breathe like the space between you was both infinite and nonexistent. It was a cruel paradoxâfeeling as though you were so close he could almost reach out and touch you, yet knowing you were untouchable, unreachable.
The ache in his chest wasnât just pain; it was a deep, hollow yearning that he couldnât ignore. It wasnât the sharp sting of a fleeting woundâit was the slow, relentless ache of loss. Of knowing exactly what he was missing and yet being powerless to reclaim it.
He missed you in ways that felt impossible to quantify, in ways that crept into his thoughts when he least expected it. He missed your touchâthe way your hand had lingered on his arm during late-night conversations, grounding him in moments when he felt untethered. He missed the warmth of your presence, the quiet reassurance that came with simply having you near.
But it wasnât just the physical things. It was everything about you, the parts of you that no one else seemed to notice or understand the way he did.
He missed your laughâthe genuine, full-bodied sound that lit up a room and chased away the weight of even the hardest days. It was rare, but when it happened, it was like the world itself paused to listen.
He missed your softnessâthe way you could be so strong, so unyielding in your convictions, and yet offer a kindness that made even the most jaded person feel seen. You had a way of making people believe they mattered, a way of making him believe he mattered.
And he missed your fiercenessâthe fire in your eyes when you were fighting for something you believed in, the way you carried yourself with confidence and grace, never backing down from a challenge. You inspired him in ways he didnât even realize until you werenât there to do it anymore.
Most of all, he missed your presence. That quiet, steady support that had become such a part of his life he hadnât realized how much he relied on it until it was gone. You were his equal, his match in every way that mattered. And now, you were just... gone.
The ache in his chest deepened as he sat at the table, staring at the empty doorway where you had disappeared. He didnât just miss what they had sharedâthe stolen moments, the quiet confessions. He missed you. The person who had seen him at his worst and still stood by him. The person who had understood him in ways no one else ever could.
And as the weight of that realization settled over him, Aaron knew that no matter how much time passed, no matter what choices either of them made, the space you had left in his life would never be filled.
And then, just as suddenly, you broke the spell.
You blinked, your gaze faltering as you looked away, your expression unreadable. Flustered almost. Aaron watched as you gently stepped back from Jeff, your movements deliberate but hurried.
âExcuse me,â you murmured to him, your voice just audible enough for Aaron to hear over the music.
You crossed the room with purpose, your gown flowing behind you like liquid emerald. Aaronâs eyes followed your every step, his heart sinking as you reached your table and grabbed your clutch.
Jeff, caught off guard, trailed after you, his expression confused but compliant. He said something to you, but you barely acknowledged him, your focus entirely on leaving.
Aaronâs gaze lingered on the empty space you left behind, his chest tightening as he watched the two of you disappear through the ballroomâs double doors.
The world slowly returnedâBethâs voice beside him, the hum of the music, the clinking of glassesâbut none of it felt real.
Aaron took a slow sip of his scotch, his gaze fixed on the door as though willing you to return. But he knew you wouldnât.
Because whatever had just passed between you, whatever that moment had been, was too much for either of you to bear.
The drive to Bethâs apartment had been quiet. Too quiet. She had smiled softly at him when he pulled up in front of her building, the warmth of her expression filled with an affection that he knew he couldnât returnânot the way she deserved.
âDo you want to come up?â she asked, her tone light but hopeful.
Aaron hesitated, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. He forced a smile, one that felt more like a grimace. âNot tonight. Itâs been a long day.â
Beth studied him for a moment, her disappointment subtle but evident. âOkay,â she said softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. âDrive safe, Aaron.â
He nodded, waiting until she disappeared into the building before exhaling a shaky breath. He should have gone home. He should have driven straight to his house, poured himself another drink, and buried the night in paperwork or sleep.
But he didnât.
Instead, Aaron found himself driving through the quiet streets, the sound of the city outside his car muffled by the relentless echo of your words in his mind.
Do you know what I do? I imagine itâs your hands on me instead of his. It makes it... easier.
The words played on a loop, relentless and consuming. He could see the way you had looked at him, the softness in your voice, the sadness and longing that mirrored his own. It unraveled him.
He loosened his tie, tugging at the silk knot with a sharp, frustrated motion as if it were choking him. His chest felt tight, his breath shallow, and he couldnât shake the image of you from his mindâyour gown, the way you moved, the way your eyes had locked with his in a silent confession across the room.
He didnât even notice his speed, the way the city blurred around him as he drove. All he knew was where he needed to go.
When he pulled up in front of your building, he hesitated only briefly. Jeff could be here. That much was obvious. But Aaron didnât careânot tonight.
He climbed out of the car, his footsteps quick and determined as he approached your door. His heart pounded in his chest, his pulse roaring in his ears, but his mind was clear.
He knocked, his knuckles rapping firmly against the wood.
The seconds stretched endlessly until the door opened, and there you were.
You were wearing a silk robe, its soft fabric clinging to your frame and catching the light. Your hair was loose, framing your face in soft waves, and your expression shifted from surprise to something unreadable when you saw him.
âAaron,â you said softly, your voice tentative.
âIs he here?â he asked, his voice low and steady, though his chest felt like it might explode.
You blinked, startled by the question, before shaking your head. âNo.â
âGood,â he said, stepping forward and into your space.
And then he kissed you.
It wasnât gentle. It wasnât hesitant.Â
Aaronâs lips crashed against yours, his hands finding your waist and pulling you flush against him as he pushed the door closed behind them with his foot. The kiss was fierce, dominating, raw, filled with all the pent-up tension and longing that had been building for months.
You gasped against his mouth, your hands gripping the lapels of his suit jacket as you stumbled slightly, the force of his kiss pushing you backward. He guided you with purpose, his body pressing yours against the wall just inside the entryway.
His hands moved to your face, his fingers threading into your hair as he deepened the kiss, pouring everything he couldnât say into the connection. It was raw, desperate, and consuming.
You responded in kind, your hands sliding up to his shoulders, pulling him impossibly closer. The silk of your robe brushed against his suit, the contrast of textures only heightening the sensation.
When he finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, your chests heaving as you stared at each other.
âAaron,â you whispered, your voice trembling but laced with something unmistakableâdesire, relief, and a trace of vulnerability.
He rested his forehead against yours, his hands still cradling your face as he closed his eyes. âI couldnât stay away,â he admitted, his voice rough and raw.
You didnât reply with words. Instead, you pulled him back into another kiss, and Aaron let himself surrender to the moment, the weight of everything else fading away.
For once, nothing else mattered.
Aaronâs breath was ragged as his lips moved against yours, his hands still cradling your face like he was afraid to let go. Every ounce of restraint heâd held onto for so long had snapped the moment youâd opened the door, and now, the thought of stopping felt impossible.
Your fingers curled into the lapels of his suit jacket, pulling him closer, and he responded in kind, his body pressing firmly against yours. The silk of your robe was impossibly soft under his hands as he slid them from your face to your waist, his fingers gripping you like he was trying to anchor himself to the moment.
Aaron knew he shouldnât be here. Knew this was a line heâd promised himself he wouldnât cross again. But every logical thought dissolved under the weight of your kiss, the way your lips moved against his with a hunger that matched his own.
âGod, we shouldnâtââ you murmured against his mouth, your voice breathless but tinged with something desperate.
âI know,â he whispered back, his hands trailing along your sides, feeling the warmth of your body through the thin fabric of your robe. âBut I canât stop.â
Your eyes met his, the intensity of your gaze nearly undoing him. It wasnât just lust that burned in your expressionâit was longing, the same yearning that had been simmering between you for months, the same ache heâd carried every time he saw you.
He kissed you again, deeper this time, his hands roaming up your back as he felt you relax into him. Your hands found the knot of his tie, tugging it loose with a deliberate pull that sent his pulse racing. The silk slipped free, and you tossed it aside, your fingers moving to the buttons of his shirt with a sense of urgency that mirrored his own.
Aaron let out a soft groan as your hands brushed against his chest, your touch igniting a fire in him that he hadnât felt in years. His mouth trailed from your lips to your jaw, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck as you tilted your head to give him better access.
âAaron,â you breathed, his name falling from your lips like a prayer, and the sound of it sent a shiver down his spine.
His hands found the sash of your robe, his fingers hesitating briefly as he looked at you, searching your eyes for any sign of hesitation. But there was noneâonly want, only need.
âYouâre sure?â he asked, his voice rough but tender, his forehead resting lightly against yours.
Your answer was clear in the way you pulled him closer, your lips brushing against his as you whispered, âIâm sure.â
The robe slipped from your shoulders, pooling at your feet, and Aaronâs breath hitched at the sight of you, so beautiful and bare before him. His hands traced the curve of your waist, his touch reverent but firm, as though he was committing every detail to memory.
He kissed you again, deeper and slower this time, savoring the taste of you, the softness of your lips, the way your hands tangled in his hair. The tension between you crackled like electricity, the air heavy with the weight of everything unspoken but understood.
Every touch, every kiss, felt forbidden, a line crossed and recrossed with every passing second. But neither of you pulled away. You couldnât.
Aaron guided you gently toward the couch, his lips never leaving yours as you moved together. You sank down onto the cushions, pulling him with you, and he let himself get lost in youâthe way you smelled, the way your skin felt against his, the way you whispered his name like it was the only thing that mattered.
As his hands roamed over you, exploring, memorizing, Aaron felt a pang of guilt buried beneath the passion. He knew this was dangerous, that there would be consequences. But for now, in this moment, he didnât care.
Because for the first time in what felt like forever, you were his.
And he wasnât ready to let that go.
Aaronâs mind was a storm as he pressed you against the cushions of the couch, his lips moving with a ferocity he hadnât allowed himself to feel in so long. The weight of his body pressed into yours, grounding him in a way that made everything elseâBeth, Jeff, the consequences of this momentâfade into the background.
Your hands slid under his shirt, your fingers grazing his skin with a touch that sent shivers through him. He growled low in his throat, pulling back just enough to shrug out of his jacket and let it fall to the floor. His shirt followed, buttons undone hastily by your hands, and he barely registered the faint sound of fabric hitting the hardwood before his mouth was back on yours.
This was wrong. He knew it with every rational part of himself. But it didnât stop the way he kissed you, dominating, claiming like he was trying to erase the memory of anyone else who had touched you. His hands were everywhereâyour waist, your thighs, your backâpulling you closer, needing to feel every inch of you against him.
âYou have no idea what you do to me,â he murmured against your lips, his voice rough, almost a growl. His fingers found your bare skin so inviting. âIâve wanted this⌠you⌠for so long.â
You arched into him, your breath hitching as his lips trailed from your mouth to your collarbone, leaving a scorching path in their wake. Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, and Aaron felt like he might lose his mind at the way you responded to him.
âDo you know how hard itâs been?â he asked, his voice strained as he paused, his forehead pressed against yours. His fingers grazed your bare shoulder, his touch featherlight but filled with intent. âWatching you, wanting you, knowing I couldnât have you?â
Your eyes locked with his, and for a moment, neither of you moved. The intensity in your gaze was enough to undo him, filled with the same longing, the same desperation heâd been carrying for months.
âI know,â you whispered, your voice trembling. âIâve felt it too.â
That was all it took for Aaron to give in completely. His lips crashed against yours again, his kiss deep and consuming, leaving no room for second thoughts. He shifted, lifting you slightly as he moved you further onto the couch, his hands gripping your hips with a possessiveness he couldnât hold back.
You were his. At least in this moment, you were his.
His hands roamed over you with purpose, memorizing every curve, every inch of skin he could reach. His lips continued their relentless exploration of your body. He kissed you like he was starving like you were the only thing keeping him alive.
And maybe you were.
The air between you was thick with tension; each movement laced with the weight of everything unspoken. Aaronâs hands framed your face as he paused to look at you, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he murmured, his voice soft but intense. âI donât deserve this. I donât deserve you.â
You shook your head, your fingers brushing over his jaw as you pulled him back to you. âStop,â you whispered, your voice trembling but firm. âDonât say that. Not now.â
Aaron didnât argue. He couldnât. The way you looked at himâlike he was the only thing in the world that matteredâwas enough to silence any doubts. He kissed you again, slower this time, savoring every second, every touch, every sigh that escaped your lips.
It was forbidden. It was reckless. But in that moment, it was everything.
Aaronâs control, the control he prided himself on in every aspect of his life, was slipping through his fingers. His hands gripped your waist as he pulled you impossibly closer, his lips moving against yours with a hunger he hadnât felt in yearsâif ever. The feel of your body beneath his was intoxicating, and for once, he allowed himself to surrender to the moment.
But you werenât passive. No, that wasnât who you were.
Your hands found their way to his shoulders, your nails raking down his back as you shifted beneath him, a movement so deliberate it nearly undid him. You pressed up against him, your strength and confidence matching his in a way that sent his pulse racing.
He pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, his breath heavy as his eyes roamed over you. The sight of youâflushed, lips swollen from his kisses, eyes dark with desireâwas enough to make his chest tighten.
âYouâre not getting away from me this time,â he said, his voice low and commanding, his hands sliding up your thighs as he leaned in close.
You smirked, your fingers tangling in his hair as you tugged him toward you. âI wasnât planning on it,â you murmured, your voice teasing but filled with intent.
Aaronâs response was immediate. His lips found your neck, his teeth grazing your skin just enough to make you gasp. He wanted to mark you, to leave a reminder of this moment, of him, as if to stake a claim neither of you would ever admit aloud.
Your hands moved to his belt, the boldness of your actions sending a jolt through him. He let out a low growl, gripping your wrists gently but firmly to still you.
âNot yet,â he said, his tone a mix of command and amusement.
You raised an eyebrow, your expression challenging. âAfraid you canât keep up, Hotchner?â
That did it.
Aaronâs lips crashed against yours again, his hands sliding up to cup your face as he deepened the kiss, pouring every ounce of frustration, desire, and possessiveness into it. His teeth grazed your bottom lip, drawing a soft moan from you that went straight to his core.
âYou have no idea what you do to me,â he said, his voice rough as he broke the kiss, his forehead resting against yours.
You smiled, your fingers trailing down his chest with deliberate slowness. âI think I have some idea,â you replied, your voice low and filled with heat.
The push and pull between you was electric, a constant dance of dominance and surrender that neither of you fully gave into. When you shifted, pushing him back with a surprising strength that only made him want you more, he couldnât help the low chuckle that escaped him.
âIs that how itâs going to be?â he asked, his hands gripping your hips as you straddled him, your robe slipping fully off your shoulders, completely bare to him.Â
You leaned in, your lips brushing against his ear as you whispered, âYou donât mind a challenge, do you?â
Aaronâs grip tightened, his fingers digging into your hips as he pulled you down against him, his voice a growl. âNot at all.â
The heat between you was overwhelming, the air thick with tension and desire as your lips met his again, both of you fighting for control even as you gave into the pull of each other. It was raw, intense, and unrelenting, a collision of two forces that had been held back for far too long.
Every touch, every kiss, every movement spoke volumes, the unspoken words of longing and frustration spilling out in the way you claimed each other, over and over again.
Aaron had always been a man of control, a man who measured his steps and chose his words with precision. But here, with you, that control was unraveling, slipping away with every kiss, every touch. The months of tension, the stolen glances, the unspoken words between you had built to this moment, and now, neither of you seemed capable of holding back.
Your nails dragged along his chest, leaving faint, red lines in their wake as you leaned into him. He hissed at the sensation, his hands gripping your hips with enough force to anchor himself. Aaron couldnât stop his hands from exploring, feeling the heat of your skin under his touch.
âYou drive me insane,â he growled, his voice rough and strained as he tilted his head to capture your lips again. The kiss was fierce, almost punishing, a testament to the months of restraint that had finally snapped.
You didnât shy away. You met his intensity with your own, your lips moving against his with a hunger that left no doubt about how much you wanted thisâwanted him.
âGood,â you murmured against his mouth, your voice breathless but laced with defiance. âBecause youâve been driving me insane for months.â
Aaron chuckled darkly, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of your neck, earning a gasp from you that sent a surge of possessiveness through him. His hands slid down to the backs of your thighs, gripping firmly as he lifted you from the couch effortlessly. The action earned a surprised laugh from you, but it was cut short when he pressed you against the wall, his body pinning yours in place.
âThis is mine,â he said, his voice low and commanding as his hands roamed your body. He pressed his lips to your shoulder, trailing kisses down your collarbone, his breath hot against your skin. âYouâre mine.â
Your head tilted back against the wall, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer. âThen take me,â you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of challenge and desire. âIf you want me so badly, Aaron, prove it.â
Something snapped in him at your words. His hands tightened on your thighs as his lips found yours again, the kiss rough and consuming, leaving no room for doubt about who you belonged to in this moment. His fingers dug into your skin just enough to leave faint impressions, a silent mark of his claim on you.
Every movement was deliberate, every touch a blend of dominance and reverence. Aaronâs hands slid beneath the loosened fabric of your robe, his fingers exploring every curve, every inch of skin he could reach.Â
Your body arched against his, your hands gripping his shoulders as you met him with equal fervor. There was nothing soft or gentle about the way you moved together; it was raw, fierce, a collision of passion and pent-up frustration that neither of you could contain.
âAaron,â you gasped, his name falling from your lips like a plea, and it undid him. His forehead pressed against yours, his breath ragged as he looked into your eyes, his grip on you firm and steady.
âSay it again,â he demanded, his voice a growl as he tightened his hold on you.
Your eyes locked with his, dark with desire and unspoken emotion. âAaron,â you repeated, your voice softer this time but no less commanding.
His lips crashed against yours again, his hands roaming freely, claiming you in every way he could. There was no hesitation, no room for second thoughtsâonly the overwhelming need to have you, to show you exactly what you meant to him, even if he couldnât say the words aloud.
He pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes searching yours for any hesitation. What he saw thereâdesire, longing, and something deeper, more vulnerableâunraveled him completely.
âI need you,â he murmured, his voice low and hoarse, filled with the weight of months of suppressed emotions. âTell me you want this.â
Your hands cupped his face, your thumbs brushing lightly over his jawline as you looked at him with a gaze that left him breathless. âIâve always wanted this,â you whispered, your voice trembling but certain.
That was all he needed.
Aaronâs lips crashed against yours, the kiss hungry and all-consuming as his hands slid up your thighs, securing your legs around his waist. He pressed you harder against the wall, the roughness of the plaster against your back contrasting with the heat of his body against yours.
Every touch, every kiss, every movement was filled with urgency, a desperate need to make up for all the time youâd spent denying yourselves this moment. His hands roamed your body, possessive and reverent as if trying to commit every inch of you to memory.
Your hands tugged at the rest of his clothes, pushing them further off him as your lips moved from his mouth to his jawline, trailing kisses down his neck. The soft, breathy sound you made against his skin sent a jolt of electricity through him, his control slipping further.
âAaron,â you gasped, your voice breaking as his hands moved to the small of your back, pulling you closer.
He groaned in response, his name on your lips undoing him in a way he hadnât expected. âYouâre mine,â he growled, his voice rough and raw as his lips found yours again. âNo one elseâs.â
Your response was immediate, your arms tightening around his neck as you kissed him back with equal fervor. The way you moved against him, the way you whispered his name between gasps, left no room for doubtâyou were his, and he was yours.
The tension between you reached its breaking point, the air heavy with the weight of everything unspoken but understood. Aaronâs movements became more deliberate, his hands gripping you firmly as he gave in completely to the moment.
It was raw, intense, and unrelenting, a culmination of months of longing and frustration. Every touch, every kiss, every movement was filled with a passion that left you both breathless, the line between control and surrender blurring as you claimed each other fully.
When he reached between you, he found you wet and wanting. Bucking your hips against his hand. He circled his fingers, warming you up--not that you needed it. Savoring the little responses he got from you. His other hand reached for your breast, caressing and cupping it with achingly slow motions.Â
âAaron!â It was almost a demand, telling him you needed him now. He understood as you pushed yourself up, wrapping one leg around his waist. His pants and belt pooled at his ankles--it wasnât the most practical scene, but was anything about this situation?Â
He entered you swiftly, an open-mouthed kiss with a shared groan between the two of you. Your hands found his hair, tugging on it as your eyes rolled back. His mouth moved to the hollow of your neck, his hands exploring you all at once, but still not enough.Â
He imagined the angle was physically more demanding for you as he lifted you, holding you up against the wall, bringing him impossibly deeper now. He rocked into you with a rhythm that was unmatched. The sound of his metal belt buckle shifting on the floor with every swift slap of his hips against yours filled the room.
It didnât take long for you to reach your peak, basically melting in his arms. It was like a domino effect, taking him down with you. He released deep inside of you, his forehead resting against your shoulder as he groaned your name.Â
Something deep was released inside in this moment, too, more emotionally than any sexual release. He knew in this moment he couldnât not have you again.Â
You unwrapped your legs from his hips, the two of you slowly separating with a whimper.Â
Aaron held you against him, his forehead resting against yours as both of you tried to catch your breath. His hands remained on your waist, his grip firm but gentle, as if he couldnât bear to let go just yet.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The weight of what youâd just done hung in the air, but so did the undeniable connection that had brought you to this point.
âYou okay?â he asked softly, his voice low and rough as his fingers brushed lightly against your side.
You nodded, your lips curving into a faint, almost bittersweet smile. âYeah,â you whispered. âIâm okay.â
Aaron exhaled, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he closed his eyes. For now, in this moment, everything else could wait. For now, there was only you.
The intensity between you had cooled slightly, replaced now by a quiet tenderness that neither of you knew how to navigate. Reaching down, he pulled his boxers, pants and belt back up, leaving them still undone.
The silence was thick, and as Aaron stepped back, his gaze flicked to the disheveled state of both of you. He ran a hand through his hair, his breathing still uneven as the realization hit him like a jolt.
âWe didnât...â he started, his voice low and gravelly. âWe didnât use protection.â
Your lips parted, and for a moment, you didnât respond. Then, with a softness that caught him off guard, you said, âI know.â
Aaron frowned, confusion furrowing his brow. âAnd youâre... with Jeff.â
The words tasted bitter on his tongue, but he forced them out, needing to understand. He watched as you turned away.
âWe havenât had sex,â you admitted quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
Aaron froze, the weight of your words sinking in slowly. âWhat?â
You turned to face him, your expression vulnerable in a way he wasnât used to seeing. âI couldnât,â you said, meeting his eyes. âI couldnât bring myself to... be with him. Heâsââ You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. âHeâs been an accessory. Something to keep people from asking questions.â
Aaron stared at you, his mind racing. Jeffâs smug comments in the locker room, the way heâd hovered near you at the partyâit had all been an act, a performance. You hadnât been with him. Youâd been pulling him along to keep up appearances, just like youâd said.
âI thought...â he began, but his words faltered. He took a breath, running a hand down his face. âYouâre with him, and Iâm with Beth. Or at least I thought I was.â
You studied him, your eyes searching his face. âHave you?â you asked, the question hesitant but pointed.
Aaron shook his head, his voice quieter now. âNo. I havenât been able to.â His lips pressed into a thin line as he met your gaze. âSheâs not... sheâs not you.â
For a moment, the weight of that truth hung between you, unspoken but undeniable. Neither of you moved, the air between you thick with something that felt too fragile to name.
Eventually, Aaron stepped forward, his hand brushing against yours before gently taking it in his. âCome on,â he said softly. âLetâs get cleaned up.â
You followed him without a word, the quiet between you more comfortable now, though still heavy with everything unsaid. In the dim light of the small bathroom, Aaron found a clean towel, dampening it with warm water before turning back to you.
He worked in silence, his movements careful and deliberate as he wiped away the remnants of your shared passion. His touch was tender, his fingers brushing against your skin with a reverence that made your breath hitch.
When it was your turn, you took another face cloth, your hands steady but your expression unreadable. You dabbed at his face, his neck, his chest, your fingers lingering just a little too long as if memorizing the feel of him.
Neither of you spoke, the quiet filled only with the soft sound of water and the unspoken tension that neither of you knew how to address. Aaron watched you, his chest tightening as he saw the flicker of vulnerability in your eyes, the way your lips pressed into a thin line as you concentrated on your task.
He wanted to say somethingâanythingâbut the words wouldnât come. So he let the moment stretch, allowing the silence to say what neither of you could.
When you were finished, you folded the towel and set it aside, your hands brushing his one last time before you stepped back. Aaron caught your wrist gently, his touch lingering just long enough for you to meet his gaze.
But still, neither of you spoke.
Instead, you turned away, pulling your robe tighter around you as Aaron let his hand fall to his side. The weight of everything youâd shared pressed heavily on both of you and for now, neither of you had the courage to face what came next.
Aaron stood in the quiet of your bedroom, his hands resting on his hips as he tried to gather his scattered thoughts. The events of the night weighed heavily on himâwhat they meant, what they would lead toâbut before he could sink too deeply into his own mind, you reappeared.
Your silk robe was gone, replaced by his button-up shirt, which hung loosely on your frame, the hem brushing the tops of your thighs. You looked both effortless and intimate, like you belonged in it.
âI missed this,â you said softly, your voice breaking through his thoughts. You smoothed your hands over the fabric, as though savoring the feel of it. âI missed the smell of you. I missed you. Everything about you.â
The words hit Aaron like a punch to the chest, and he exhaled slowly, his throat tightening. He knew the feeling all too well. He had missed you, tooâmore than he could admit, more than he had allowed himself to feel until now.
You took his hand, your fingers curling around his as you gently tugged him toward the bed. Aaron followed, the quiet intimacy of the moment grounding him even as his heart raced. Removing his dresspants, folding them, and placing them on a chair nearby.Â
He sat on the edge of the bed, his body taut with hesitation, but you didnât let him linger there. You climbed onto the mattress, settling in on your side and motioning for him to join you.
Aaron hesitated for a moment, then slid under the covers, lying on his side to face you. The moonlight spilled through the curtains, bathing the room in a soft, silver glow. It cast delicate shadows across your face, highlighting the vulnerability in your expression as you looked at him.
For a long moment, neither of you spoke. The quiet stretched between you, filled with the weight of everything unspoken. Aaronâs gaze traced the lines of your face, committing every detail to memoryâthe curve of your cheek, the softness of your lips, the way your eyes held his with an intensity that made his chest ache.
âLove me,â you whispered suddenly, your voice trembling but insistent. Your fingers brushed lightly against his jaw, your touch hesitant but desperate. âPlease, Aaron. Love me.â
The vulnerability in your voice, the way you said the words like they were both a demand and a plea, sent a wave of emotion crashing over him. This was almost uncharacteristic for you. Your presence never demanded attention, yet here you were, asking him to love you. Aaronâs heart twisted painfully, and he reached for your hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles.
âYou donât have to ask me to do that,â he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. âI already do.â
Your breath hitched, your eyes searching his as if trying to find the truth in his words. But there was no doubt, no hesitation in his gaze. He loved youâhe always had, even when he couldnât say it, even when it felt impossible.
âBut we canât,â he continued, his voice breaking slightly. âYou know that. If we do this, we risk everythingâour jobs, the team, the work weâve both sacrificed so much for.â
âI donât care,â you said, your voice firm despite the tears shining in your eyes. âI donât care about any of that, Aaron. I just care about you.â
Aaron closed his eyes, his chest heaving as he struggled to reconcile the conflicting emotions tearing through him. He hated how complicated this was, how the world seemed determined to keep the two of you apart.
âI hate it, too,â he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. âI hate how complicated this is, how much we have to give up just to be together. But I canât lose you. I canât risk losing everything that makes you... you.â
Your hand cupped his face, your thumb brushing lightly over his cheek as you leaned closer. âThen donât,â you said, your voice soft but resolute. âDonât lose me. Weâll figure it out. We have to.â
Aaron exhaled shakily, his forehead pressing against yours as his eyes closed. The thought of giving you up, of walking away from this, was unbearable. And yet, the thought of losing everything you had worked so hard for was just as devastating.
âIâd give it all up,â he murmured, his voice raw with emotion. âThe job, the teamâall of it. Iâd give it up to have you.â
Your breath caught, and for a moment, neither of you spoke, the weight of his words settling over you. He had reached a point where he couldnât even get to with Haley--ready to put the job and whatever else behind him. Then, slowly, you leaned forward, your lips brushing against his in a kiss so soft it felt like a promise.
Aaron kissed you back, his hands cradling your face as he poured everything he couldnât say into the connection. And as the two of you lay there in the quiet, the moonlight casting its gentle glow over the room, Aaron realized that, for the first time in a long time, he wasnât afraid of what came next.
The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room as Aaron woke to the warmth of your body next to his. For a moment, he allowed himself the luxury of forgetting everything outside this space. But the weight of reality settled quickly, and he knew there were choices to be madeâchoices that couldnât wait.
You stirred beside him, your head turning slightly on the pillow as your eyes fluttered open. When you looked at him, there was a quiet understanding in your gaze, as though youâd already been thinking about what needed to happen next.
The day was spent in quiet, focused conversation. You sat together at the kitchen table, steaming cups of coffee in front of you, as you laid out the possibilities. Aaron admired your methodical approach, the way you analyzed every angle every consequence, even as he felt the heaviness of the discussion pressing down on him.
âWhat if we went to the team first?â you suggested your voice steady but laced with uncertainty. âIf theyâre on our sideâif they donât have any reservationsâit might give us the leverage we need when we talk to the Director again.â
Aaron considered your words carefully, his fingers drumming lightly on the table. âItâs risky,â he admitted, his gaze meeting yours. âBut it might be the only way to prove that this wonât affect the teamâs dynamic. If they can support us, it could make a difference.â
You nodded, your hands wrapped around your mug as you leaned back in your chair. âAnd if the Director still refuses?â
Aaronâs jaw tightened, his eyes darkening with determination. âThen we donât give him a choice. We go in together and tell him itâs either thisâor we both walk.â
The silence that followed was heavy but not uncomfortable. It was a shared understanding of the enormity of what you were discussing. Neither of you had ever walked away from anything lightly, but the thought of giving each other up again was unbearable.
Later, as the day stretched on, the two of you made the decisions youâd been avoiding for weeks. Beth deserved the truth, as did Jeff, no matter how difficult those conversations would be.
Aaron made the visit to Beth first. She was tinged with confusion at his sudden need to talk. He kept his words measured and respectful, explaining that he couldnât give her what she deservedâthat his heart had always belonged to someone else. Beth was hurt but graceful, her acceptance tinged with sadness.
When he returned to the your house later on after also attending to fatherly duties with Jack, you were finishing your call with Jeff. Your expression was unreadable, but the way you let out a soft sigh as you set your phone down spoke volumes. âHe didnât take it well,â you admitted quietly, your fingers tracing the edge of your mug. âBut I couldnât keep leading him on. It wasnât fair.â
Aaron placed a hand over yours, his touch grounding and steady. âWe did what we had to,â he said, his voice low and resolute. âNow we move forward.â
That evening, as you sat together in the quiet, the weight of the dayâs decisions settled over you both. The path ahead was uncertain, filled with potential challenges and risks, but for the first time, there was a glimmer of hope.
The two of you had a planâa united frontâand whatever came next, you knew youâd face it.
The BAU conference room felt smaller than usual as Aaron Hotchner stood to the side, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. You were seated at the head of the table, your posture poised but your hands clasped tightly togetherâa rare sign of nervousness that only someone who knew you well, like Aaron, would notice.
The team filtered in one by one, their expressions curious but light. Emily had a cup of coffee in hand, Derek was chatting with JJ about some recent Quantico gossip, and Penelope trailed behind with a bright, questioning look. Reid sat toward the middle, already flipping through a notepad, and Rossi took his usual spot near the back, his eyes sharp as they scanned the room.
âAlright, whatâs going on?â Derek asked, his grin playful as he pulled out a chair and settled in. âThis doesnât feel like our usual meeting vibe.â
You took a steadying breath, your gaze sweeping across the table before landing briefly on Aaron. He gave you a small nod, his expression calm but supportive.
âThank you all for coming,â you began, your voice steady despite the undercurrent of tension in the room. âI know this isnât our usual meeting. Aaron and I asked you here because we need to discuss something importantâsomething personal that affects the team.â
The lighthearted chatter died down instantly, replaced by a palpable curiosity and concern.
You continued, your hands tightening slightly around each other as you spoke. âOver the past few months, Aaron and I have realized that we want to pursue a personal relationship. I know this might come as a surpriseâor even a concernâto some of you, given our roles and the nature of our work.â
Aaron watched as the team processed your words, their expressions a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and, in some cases, quiet understanding.
You straightened, your tone firm but earnest. âWeâve thought this through carefully. We understand the gravity of this decision, not just for ourselves but for all of you. This team is a family. Itâs been my honor to work with each of you, and I donât take lightly the idea of doing anything that could disrupt that dynamic.â
Aaron stepped forward then, his voice calm and measured as he added, âThatâs why we wanted to be upfront with all of you. We respect your opinions, and weâre here to listen if any of you have reservations or concerns.â
There was a beat of silence before Emily leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms with a thoughtful look. âSo let me get this straight,â she said, her voice tinged with dry amusement. âThe two of you want to be together, but the higher-ups donât approve?â
You nodded, your gaze steady. âCorrect. The Director has made it clear that our relationship is considered inappropriate given our positions. He gave us two options: end it or find roles outside the team.â
JJ frowned, her concern evident. âAnd what are you planning to do?â
Aaron glanced at you, and you gave a slight nod before he spoke. âWeâve decided to pursue the relationship despite those orders. But weâre not going into this without a plan. We believe the best course of action is to go to the Director with the support of this team. If we can demonstrate that our relationship wonât compromise our work or the dynamic here, it may give us the leverage we need.â
âAnd if it doesnât?â Reid asked quietly, his brow furrowed in thought.
You hesitated, and Aaron stepped in. âIf the Director wonât budge, weâre prepared to leave. Together.â
That admission hung heavy in the air, and Aaron could feel the weight of the teamâs reactions pressing down on him.
Derek leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he let out a low whistle. âMan, thatâs a big gamble. But youâve always been a risk-taker, Hotch.â
Emily smirked faintly, her tone more teasing than judgmental. âNever wouldâve pegged you for a rule-breaker, though.â
Penelope, wide-eyed and fidgeting with her bracelets, finally spoke up. âSo⌠does this mean weâre, like, the deciding vote? Because, no pressure, but this feels like a really big deal!â
You smiled faintly, the tension in your posture easing slightly. âIt is a big deal, Penelope. But we trust you. All of you. Thatâs why we wanted to have this conversation first.â
Rossi, who had been quietly observing, finally leaned forward, his expression thoughtful. âFor what itâs worth,â he said, his voice calm but firm, âIâve seen a lot of things in this job. Relationships, breakups, people falling apart under pressure. But Iâve never doubted the professionalism or dedication of either of you. And I donât see that changing now.â
Aaron felt a flicker of gratitude as Rossiâs words hung in the air, setting the tone for the rest of the discussion.
One by one, the team voiced their thoughts. JJ expressed some concern about how this might look to the brass but ultimately supported you both, trusting your judgment. Reid, after asking a few logistical questions, nodded thoughtfully and said he believed the two of you could handle it. Penelope gave an impassioned speech about love conquering all, which drew chuckles around the table, and Emily and Derek exchanged a look before both offering their backing with only a bit of playful ribbing.
By the end of the discussion, Aaron felt a weight lift from his chest. The teamâs support wasnât just a reliefâit was a validation of the respect and trust you had built with each of them over the years.
You stood, your hands resting lightly on the table as you addressed them one last time. âThank you. Truly. This means everything to us. And I promise, no matter what happens, the integrity of this team will always come first.â
Aaron stepped beside you, his gaze sweeping over the team with quiet gratitude. âWeâll take this to the Director together. And whatever happens, weâll figure it out.â
As the team began to disperse, Derek clapped him on the shoulder with a grin. âNever thought Iâd see the day, Hotch. You breaking rules for love? Guess thereâs hope for all of us.â
Aaron chuckled softly, but as he turned to look at you, his expression softened. This wasnât just about breaking rulesâit was about finally choosing the person who made it all worthwhile.
Aaron Hotchner stood in the hallway outside the Directorâs office, his hands in his pockets and his gaze steady. The weight of what they were about to do hung heavily between you, but he felt none of the apprehension he might have expected. Instead, he felt a strange calm bolstered by the resolve that radiated from you as you stood beside him.
You turned to him, your expression set but your eyes soft. You had dressed sharply for the meeting, your tailored suit immaculate, projecting the authority you carried so effortlessly. Still, there was something in the way your fingers brushed against his as you reached for him that made his chest tighten.
âYou ready for this?â you asked, your voice low but steady.
Aaron looked at you, taking in the determined set of your jaw and the quiet strength in your posture. âWith you? Always.â
A faint smile tugged at your lips, and for a moment, the tension between you softened. You stepped closer, your hand resting lightly on his chest as you leaned in, your lips brushing against his in a kiss that was both grounding and electrifying.
âLetâs do this,â you murmured against his mouth, and he nodded, his hands lingering briefly on your waist before you pulled away.
When you entered the Directorâs office together, the atmosphere shifted. The room was large and imposing, the walls lined with awards and photos that told the story of the Bureauâs successes. The Director sat behind his desk, his expression unreadable as he gestured for you to sit.
Aaron stayed standing beside you as you took the lead, your voice calm and authoritative as you began. âThank you for meeting with us, sir. We wanted to address the situation between Agent Hotchner and myself directly.â
The Director leaned back in his chair, his hands folded neatly in front of him. âIâm listening.â
Aaron watched as you laid out your case with precision and confidence, detailing how the two of you had handled your relationship with professionalism, how you had sought the teamâs support, and how they had expressed their trust in your ability to maintain the integrity of the BAU.
âWe understand your concerns, and we donât take this lightly,â you said, your gaze steady on the Director. âBut we also know the value we bring to the Bureau, both individually and as a team. Weâre here to ask for your trust, just as weâve earned the trust of the people we lead.â
Aaron stepped in then, his voice steady but firm. âWeâve always put the mission of the BAU first, and that wonât change. But if this is a line you believe weâve crossed, weâre prepared to accept the consequences. Both of us.â
The Directorâs gaze sharpened at that, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studied you both. âYouâre telling me youâre willing to walk away? Both of you?â
âYes,â you said simply, your tone leaving no room for doubt. âWe believe in what weâve built here, but we wonât compromise our integrityâor the teamâsâby pretending this relationship doesnât exist.â
The room was silent for a long moment, the weight of your words settling heavily in the air. Aaron could feel the tension coiled in his chest, but he didnât waver. He stood beside you, unflinching, as the Director considered their ultimatum.
Finally, the Director let out a slow breath; his fingers steepled under his chin. âThis is highly irregular. You both know that. The Bureau doesnât operate on personal exceptions.â
You nodded, your posture unyielding. âWe understand that, sir. But losing both of us would be a significant blow to the BAU, especially given our track record and the current demands on the unit.â
The Directorâs lips pressed into a thin line. âYouâre asking for a lot.â
Aaron stepped forward, his voice quiet but firm. âAnd weâre offering a solution. Put us on a review period. Watch us closely. If there are any issuesâany compromises to the integrity of the BAUâyouâll have our resignations. No questions asked.â
The Directorâs gaze flicked between the two of you, his expression inscrutable. After what felt like an eternity, he leaned back in his chair and exhaled sharply. âFine. A review period. But understand this: youâll both be under intense scrutiny. Any sign that this relationship is affecting the team or your work, and it ends. Am I clear?â
âYes, sir,â you said immediately, your voice steady.
Aaron nodded. âCrystal.â
When the two of you left the office, the tension in the hallway was palpable, but it quickly gave way to a quiet sense of victory. You turned to him, your eyes meeting his, and for the first time that day, you allowed yourself a small, relieved smile.
âThat went better than expected,â you said, your voice light with a mix of relief and determination.
Aaron chuckled softly, his hand brushing against yours as you walked. âIâd say we make a pretty good team.â
You stopped then, turning to face him fully. The moonlight streaming through the hallway windows cast a soft glow over your face, and Aaron felt his chest tighten at the sight of youâstrong, confident, and absolutely unshakable.
âWith you?â you said, echoing his earlier words. âWe can do anything.â
Aaron smiled, his hand finding yours and giving it a firm, reassuring squeeze. And as the two of you walked away from the Directorâs office, united in purpose and resolve, he knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, you would face them together.
Days later, the grand estate was already alive with warmth and light as Aaron Hotchner guided you up the stone steps to Rossiâs front door. The crisp New Yearâs Eve air bit at his skin, but it was nothing compared to the warmth he felt when he glanced at you, wrapped in a deep burgundy coat that highlighted the glow in your cheeks.
âRossi doesnât do anything halfway,â Aaron remarked quietly, his lips curving into a faint smile as you reached the top step.
âYou say that like youâre surprised,â you teased, your eyes sparkling as you met his gaze.
Aaron chuckled softly, his hand finding the small of your back as the door swung open, revealing Rossi himself. Dressed in a sharp suit, his expression was one of genuine delight as he welcomed you both with open arms.
âAh, my two favorite rule-breakers,â Rossi said with a grin, stepping aside to let you in. âCome in, come in. Thereâs champagne waiting, and plenty of people to charm.â
The party was every bit as grand as Aaron had expected. Rossiâs expansive living room was filled with colleagues, friends, and family, all dressed in their finest. A jazz quartet played softly in the corner, their music weaving seamlessly through the low hum of conversation.
Aaron scanned the room instinctively, cataloging familiar facesâEmily and JJ chatting near the bar, Penelope gesturing animatedly to Reid, and Derek leaning against a nearby column, his easy grin drawing a small crowd of admirers.
But his focus always returned to you.
You were by his side, your coat now replaced by an elegant black dress that hugged your figure perfectly, the neckline just daring enough to make his chest tighten. You smiled at someone who greeted you, your laugh soft but genuine, and Aaron couldnât help but marvel at how effortlessly you commanded the room.
âEnjoying yourself?â you asked, tilting your head to look at him as you handed him a glass of champagne.
He took it with a small smile, his fingers brushing yours briefly. âIâd say that depends entirely on you.â
Your lips quirked into a faint smirk, and for a moment, the noise of the room faded, leaving only the quiet connection between the two of you.
As the evening wore on, Aaron found himself drawn to you again and again, his gaze seeking you out even when you were across the room. You had a way of grounding him, even in the chaos of a room full of people, and he felt a quiet thrill every time your eyes met his, a silent understanding passing between you.
When the two of you found yourselves alone on Rossiâs terrace, the night sky stretched out above you, Aaron couldnât help but steal a moment. The cold air bit at his skin, but the warmth of your presence was enough to chase it away.
âYou look stunning tonight,â he said softly, his voice low as he leaned on the railing beside you.
You glanced at him, your smile softening into something more intimate. âYouâre not so bad yourself, Agent Hotchner.â
The teasing tone in your voice made him chuckle, but there was an undercurrent of sincerity that made his chest ache in the best way.
The sound of the party spilling onto the terrace broke the moment, and the two of you turned to see Rossi stepping out, his hands raised theatrically.
âTwo minutes to midnight, folks!â he called, his grin as wide as ever. âLetâs make it count!â
Aaron glanced at you, his heart pounding as he saw the faint blush on your cheeks. Without a word, he reached for your hand, pulling you gently closer.
âHappy New Year,â he murmured, his voice soft but firm as the first sounds of the countdown began to echo from inside.
âHappy New Year,â you whispered back, your lips curling into a small, private smile as the world around you blurred.
And as the clock struck midnight and the room erupted in cheers, Aaron kissed you, his hand cradling your face as the noise and the cold and everything else faded away. It was just you and him, standing together at the start of something new, something strong.
Together, you could conquer anything.
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âbelow the mouthâ j. sunderland x fem reader
minors dni
cw: in the dark, shoe riding/humping, light oral fixation/spit play, slightly messy, james is depicted as a pervert, sub leaning james with him being dominant at times, obsessive(j.), mutual masturbation(?), squirting, breeding, james is in his mid to late thirties. reader uses she/her pronouns.
summary: james⌠your coworker. the man who seems so hardworking, headstrong and devoted to his work⌠is nothing but a pervert enticed with the very being that you are⌠he canât help but to see you as artâ a canvas to paint on⌠as if his hands were paint⌠and his fingertips as the bristles, sketching out his greed with his lips and his words.
a/n: more porn than plot, forgive me. not too fond of this one and kept eyeing it over and over over and ended up truly hating this⌠nonetheless i hope you find some enjoyment in this one. i did not proofreadâŚ
oh james⌠what ever shall he do?
poor thing, constantly wrapped up in his own mind⌠unable to tame the growing thoughts that mutated within him. being lonely does things to a person⌠the years of suppression only made his longing for intimacy fester in the darkness of his greed.
in the beginning⌠it had been alrightâ good with his composure, carrying a kind of elegance through his actions and words. he wore ârespectâ like an honorable manâ button down shirts, tucked nicely in his well ironed pants. every day heâd come in dapper, not one thing out of place. it would be impressive to notice his true desires when he hadnât worn them out on his sleeves.
though now⌠it was a different story. thereâs only so much he could take⌠seeing you in your work outfits every single day or hearing your voice⌠the song you sung that never failed to make him treasure your being and feel every vowel that spewed from your lips filter and sprawl all throughout his veins. james tried to keep his need low, always being so gentleman likeâ kind, thoughtful and charming, but his thickening puddle of lust seeped through in the growing void that rests in the center of his eyes⌠being far dirtier than what meets the eye, disgusting even.
it was cute once you picked up on it⌠or at least the extent of itâ his shyness and ability to lose all self, unable to maintain professional eye contact or a flowing sentence without randomly clearing his throat. a man well into his thirtiesâ one that was valued by your shared boss, exceeding work ethic, always saying âyes maâamâ and âyes sirâ, not blinking an eye to the ruleâs codeâ felt the need to act so foolishly enticed when it came to you.
for him, the absence of touchâ one that he never felt come from your hand â drove james into a constant state of lustrous want⌠it ate within his being like a hungered cannibal digging its fingers through every fiber of his flesh. it prodded and ripped in the center of his chest like a wolf's canines as he sat at his work desk, drained⌠lifeless⌠thinking about everything he wanted to do to you⌠or whatever youâd do to him.
the inside of his body grew hot at the thought of youâ dry throat, racing heart, fumbling words⌠his eyes, lingering all over your body longer than they had the day before, trying to see how much he could get away with⌠letting every second store itself in his photographic memory.
infested with carnality, day and night. jamesâ mind couldnt escape his perverted thoughts; as if it was the horrid and angry deep sea, crashing against the softness of the hot sand, in need of something to fix prurience, and the heightening want to be underneath your skin.
it started off with a hello, you being new and him well within the companyâs community by a decade or two. a sweet exchange of a firm gripped hand shake and small talk before you went on your way. upon his sight, he was already fond of the beauty you blossomed. he wasnât able to stop himself from looking⌠and as time continued, each day you met with him, it caused him to be in his head.
whenever you agreed to go out with your coworkers to local bars and restaurants, heâd ask around, passively, wanting to know if youâd be there to join. any chance heâd get, heâd sit next to you or across from you, thinking that the lack of lighting would hide the fact that he sat there to study youâ his gentle hazel eyes, staring with eagerness⌠tattooing you into the grooves of his brain. each time you all went out, it was as if he tried harder⌠or lost the ability to care if you noticed or not. catching his eyes⌠for the first few seconds he didnât even realize your attention on him until youâd call out his name a few times or lean towards him, breasts spilling from your top.
heâd go home, all eager. undoing his tie and his belt, slamming his door shut and making his way towards his bed, muttering: âjust this onceâŚâ to himself, staring down at his hardened dick after thinking about the way your breasts sat prettily in the top you wore.
with his eyes squeezed shut, his wrist rippled in fast motion with whitening knuckles. heâd call out your name. each whinier than the last⌠feeling the weight of your name kiss the head of his cockâ irregular breathing, toes curling into the thick of his comforterâ whines that turned into a chants. over and over again he moaned your name, not even lasting three minutes until he let himself go⌠ribbons of his hot cum falling down onto his chest.
shame filtered his body almost instantaneously, not understanding how he was able to let himself go just from a simple top you wore⌠he swore to himself that that would be the first and only time heâd ever do something like thatâ to rush into his house just to relieve the growing hard on that you, without much acknowledgment, gave him.
and for a few days, he hadnât. it didnât stop the stares or the way his cock jumped upon hearing your voice⌠heâd just fall back into the same perverted state, clutching onto the arm of his work chair while you talked to him about something he couldnât even pay much attention to. he saw the outline of your body against your work outfit thinking about how youâd look if he ripped it off.
his breathing quickened as he tried to direct his gaze on something else, his computer⌠maybe his paperwork? it didnât help because he could still hear you fucking speak.
a sharp gulp and a shaky sighâ it was the most obvious heâs ever been, sensing the way he was unable to sit still. âjames?â you called out, amusement lingering in the tone of your voice.
âuhm.â he huffed, a faint smirk curling at the side of his lips, trying to keep his composure as much as he could. âsorry⌠im not feeling too well.â turning his head to you, seeing a warm, devious yet alluring smile rest on your lips. almost immediately, he reacted. swallowing hard and clearing his throat.
walking towards where the man sat, you placed your hand at his shoulder, feeling the softness of his suit glide against your palm, finding his averting eyes, âdo you need me to⌠get you anything?â
he shook his head, flinching upon touch, dropping his attention into his lap where his hands bunched to cover the obvious dent. âit⌠itâs fine. i just have to use the restroom⌠excuse me.â his voice quick and slurred, body immediately jumping up from his chair as he made his way to the menâs bathroom.
the beat of his heart ran heavily in his ribcage, causing his body to burn and wither as he laid himself limply against the bathroomâs door. each inhale was harder to stabilizeâ the air feeling heavy and clunky as it lumped and fell down his throat. with the soft jingle of his belt, he pulled his pants and underwear down to his knees, âgodâŚâ he sighed, wrapping his hand around his cockâ hot and tortured, âwhy do you⌠why do you turn me on so much?â
soft chokes and mutters fell in the echoing bathroomâs walls, covering his mouth creating muffled whimpers to exude and swell. his body churned and trembled, hearing the loose hinges of the door combat with his movement. âfuck⌠fuckâŚâ he whined, his eyes traveling up to see the mirror across the way.
the sight of himself⌠it almost looked like his own reflection was a stranger. no person has ever made him have the need to run for a quick release⌠at least not from their voice alone. it was just how eager he wasâ how eager you made himâ the look of his knees buckling, the pace of his pumps, the skin of his face shake and the way he desperately tried to keep himself quiet⌠he looked so pathetic to himself, never seeing that side or noticing how much you made him that way just from the sight of you.
in a way⌠it turned him on, getting a better picture of what youâd see if you were to stand in this very bathroom. thoughts grappled through his visionary mind, his vision shooting towards different places in the bathroom, looking at the sink: how pretty youâd look, pants down your legs with him fucking up into you, your own eyes in the mirror, watching yourself getting fucked by him. or in the stall: your fingers clutching harshly at the stallâs door with his fingers deeply plunging itself inside of your cavern.
a million and one things infiltrated his desires until he couldnât find himself to stop even after the first time he came onto the bathroomâs floor. his wrist burned with the consistent motion, after his cock hadnât let up its hardness, moaning as quietly as he could to have himself go limp.
thirty minutes he spent in there⌠and for him to be known to cum quick⌠it only meant that he rung himself dry. he couldnât even walk straightâ you knowingly understanding the weight of power you had over him after you timed his absence and him finally waddling back into his chair.
âyou alright?â you laugh sweetly, being as oblivious as you could possibly be within his perspective, trying not to stare at the small wet spot that circled at his crotch.
âyeahâŚâ his voice trembling, still in a daze from his multiple orgasms, âmustâve ate something funnyâŚâ
after that day⌠jerking off in the officeâs bathroom, there was no turning backâ as if that was the only reason that wouldâve been true. there was no way heâd be able to contain the continuous passion that resonated all throughout his bodyâ as if you talked to him through your idle.
days would pass and heâd show himself more and more obvious, losing the care to show off his usual persona. heâd take one of your handkerchiefs you left on your desk when you hadnât been around, tucking them in his pockets only to inhale the left over scent that interwoven itself into its soft cloth, using it almost every night until all he could smell was his own scent. heâd hold onto your wrist when trying to grab your attention, clutching it until he felt the gentle pulse, syncing with the growing hard on heâd feel build and tighten at the crotch of his pants.
on random days, heâd listen when you spoke to otherâs about the dates youâve been on, hearing how they werent satisfying youâ filling his brain with possible ways heâd make you feel good. taking you out to eat with good food and wine with an even better conversation only to have him balls deep inside of you just for you to remember nothing from anyone in your past and only form yourself at the outline of his cock.
on a sunny afternoon, you had a held a party for your birthdayâ all the coworkers you found as friends, including jamesâ in your house for drinks, food and good music. you kept your eye on him as much as you could without making it obvious that the only reason for the party was to see how heâd react now being so close to you.
he showed nothing but nervousness, almost never leaving the cushions from your couch, not even drinking or eating for that matter. he looked uncomfortable⌠or maybe he was just deep in thought. it only took one look away for him to disappear, his lack of person and the indent of where he sat on the couch to be shown.
james decided he needed more⌠that handkerchief wasnât enough since your scent was gone and his imaginations made his want physically hurt considering he wasnât able to touch you like he wished he could.
finding his way to your room, he rummaged through your dirty laundry, finding a pair of black panties, keeping it to himself. in a cold sweat, he knew that he had time to spare, whipping his head back and forth from the cloth towards your bedroom door before he sat on your bed, rolling his thumb at the crotch of your underwear.
deep and staggered breaths, he rose it up to his nose, smelling the soiled cloth, noticing how these pair mustâve been worn during your arousal, his cock reacting like wildfireâ choking at the lack of air he gave himself from the constant huffing he did. each inhale was like heaven. god⌠your pussy smelt so good⌠better than he could imagine. the muscle of his tongue sliding at the left over cream marks left, his moans staggering, almost in need of crying at how good this action made him feel.
placing the underwear in his mouth, he grabbed what was closest to himâ your pillowâ angling his body to get himself off. luckily with how loud the music had been outside, no one would be able to hear the brash creeks of your bed as he humped himself to oblivion. hips snapping, fingers curling into your bedâs unmade sheets with his face planted deep within them as he sniffed whatever your bodyâs scent leftover.
this is what he wanted⌠this is what he feened for. only orgasming once, he fixed your bed trying to replicate as if he had never been on it, tucking the panties⌠and one more in his pants pocket and walking out of your bedroom.
met with him, you smiled, noticing the lust that fumed off of his person, not making it seem as if you knew, âwhatâre you doing in there? the parties out there silly.â you laughed.
âyeah! i was just looking for the bathroom.â he gulped.
nodding, you ran your tongue over the bottom of your lip, eyeing how his hair wasnât as neat as it had been before and his shirt wasnât tucked in as it usually was. âitâs just down there.â
âthank you.â scattering down the hall.
upon entering your room, all you could smell was the foreign aroma of his arousal, smiling at how you didnât even had to do anything to him physically let alone verbally and he got so worked up. riddled with temptation, you knew you had this man wrapped around your finger, obliging with his action and giving him more with your seductive nature.
it was more noticeable nowâ how you both operated whenever with each other. anyone could just sense it, feel it, cut it in the thickening air of their razor nails. the body languages, the way you both spoke, the way your eyes spoke with extreme intent.
the tingling sensation rose within your body, almost electrifying you whenever you heard your name being called by himâ his natural rasp that croaked from his throat, huddling over your eardrums with bliss. you could only guess what he did that day when he bolted off into the bathroom. it was obvious. feeling your attraction grow by his attentiveness and the willingness of him trying so desperately to be beside you⌠just thinking about him got you so worked up.
it was fun witnessing his obvious need to separate himself just to get off⌠but the poor boy needed solace you thought to yourself.
he was being such a good boy, trying so hard not to put himself onto you, being respectful enough, kind and excusing himself but you decided to take chargeâ have him finally able to get what he wanted and what you were curious about.
one night, you took that advantage as everyone else had dispersed from the office, it had only been you two, him hunched in his chair, face glowing from his computer screen and you packing all of your work to go home. he usually stayed overtime, having his own set of keys the boss left because of his repetitive stay.
now you stood within his space, the office dark, a low hum coming from james not even noticing your silhouette that stood just at his cubicle. âyou going home?â you spoke out, your voice lulling out.
startled, he turned at his chair, swallowing down the large lump that rested at his throat. âoh!â he chirped, looking back and forth at the shadow that made up of you and his computer screen. âuh not yet⌠thereâs some things i have to finish.â
âcould it wait? just for a little?â
furrowing his eyebrows, he sat confused, noticing the tone of your voice, feeling his palms dampen, rubbing them roughly at his pant legs.
oh how cute he was acting.
âsorry i..â he chuckled nervously, âim confused.â
sucking at your tongue, you stepped forward, the screenâs light falling at your outline, exposing the lust that mixed in with the devious expression that wore on your face. âdonât give me that look,â you cooed, closing the distance between you both until your feet planted themselves just before him. âtell me, what has you still in this office this late at night?â
âuhm yeahâŚâ he chuckled again, his words slow as he spoke about the finishing touches of a project that had been due in a few days. quite honestly, you hadnât cared much to know, you just enjoyed the random inhales of breath in between his words as he tried to keep his composure at bay.
âsuch a good man you are. i take it your work ethic is better than all of us combined?â
he cleared his throat, tilting his head in nervousness at the choice of words that trickled down, aiming at his spine with him tensing in his chair. âth⌠thank you.â
âbut you should take a break, you seem all pent up. that isnât healthy, donât you think?â
âwhat do you purpose?â he asked with you humming in response.
the silence between that fell in the air was loud, burning against your eardrums until you heard his breathing coming in shallow wheezes, his chest tightening as his heart hammered at his ribcage. he couldnât even look at you⌠his head couldnât lift itself from his hands, fingers tangling with themselves.
âcan you look at me?â you soothed.
no response was given, just the raise of his body at every heavy inhale.
âlook at me jamesâŚâ your voice now coming out as a whisper, using your hand to curl at his jaw, feeling the roughness of the stubble that ran alongside it. at a gentle lift, his face rose, his eyes staggering to follow until you saw the gentle, puppy-eyed man lock himself onto you. âthatâs it..â
at the tilt of his head, his body hiccuped in a trickling gasp. every memory of him being by himself, jerking his hardening cock, the sounds of his own pleasuring cries echoed in his brain. it burned at his cheeks with a peach strainâ embarrassed but enamored by the sway of your lulling voice and kind eyes. the cold that emitted from your hand felt like static, almost foreign, unable to comprehend that you where here, actually touching him and it wasnât just his perverted mind conjuring up a scene of you having your way with him.
just by your simple touch, it felt raw and ravenousâbody stiffening like tainted brittle bones⌠his spine slowly contorting in a fidgeting arch, like christ himself pressed his jellied pierced palms across the flesh of an aching wound. âfuckâŚâ he breathed, giving up on his lose of current reality, placing his own hand on top of yours, sliding it more onto his own face. he buried himself in it, eyes closing, falling into a blissful state, feeling the warmth that blossomed and coddled at his skin.
his mind and his body was starved⌠in need of you as if the only sin he knew was nothing but greedâ believing the palms of your hands was magic, a bandage to a scab, an antidote to a sickness. you did nothing but stand there, watching him revel in pleasure just from your hand now stroking his face slowly and delicately, admiring the sweet yet sorrowful pout drawn at his lips.
âfollow my words.â you spoke, interrupting the silence between you both, âcan you do that for me james?â
his eyes dilated, feeling his stomach drop hearing his name being called. it drove him mad and it only was because of your voiceâ so gentle and sweet, thick as if he could gnaw on it. âyesâŚâ he finally answered.
standing behind him, you let the pressure of your hands massage his back, feeling the tension reside in his shoulders. you could feel his irregular breathing at every push your fingers gave, knuckles whitening at the clutch of his pant legs. âoh wow youâre so tense⌠why is that?â
âjust⌠all the work is getting to me.â
âyeah?â your voice obvious in sensuality, hearing his grunt when you let the pressure fall a little rougher. a quiet exchange of noises bounced back and forth with comforting and pent up sighs, spending a good few minutes, trailing your hands down the sides of his arms, âyouâre pretty built underneath this suit.â you teased.
clenching his eyes tight, he screamed at himself internally, trying to speak to his cock to not harden but it failed, looking down at his lap and seeing what the computerâs light was able to show, letting out a quiet laughing hum. you had him nowâŚ
âstand⌠and kiss me.â
and so he stood, his arms awkwardly at his sides, broadcasting his awful posture as he waited for your next move. from a simple swift movement, your hand met with the back of his neck, pulling him in, pressing your lips against his. the sync of your lips were soft and slow but quickly it changed by the lead of his tongue that cascaded along the bottom of yours, inhaling the hitching breath as his fingers played with the bottom of his suit jacket.
gentle grunts hummed against your flesh, opening your lips to oblige by his speed, noting the way he drank your existence in the exchange of your mouths. his tongue fluttered against yours, rolling the tip of his muscle against the ridges of your teeth, spit spilling down one anotherâs chins as your bodies fell closer into one another feeling the pattern of your breathing fall as one.
your leg pressed in the middle of his, feeling his bulge rub against you with a higher pitched moan being a gift of your sudden embrace.
the air was hot and heavy despite the chill from the office that hugged you both, "ride it.." you moaned in between the kiss, moving your leg in slow grinds, feeling the heat that emitted from his clothed cock weave through your work pants.
âokayâŚâ he answered back, removing himself from the kiss as his hips started to buck forward in motion with your legâs movement.
his body couldnât keep up with the burning passion that continued to spread through his body, starting with the aching sensation that rested at his cock.
no words had been exchanged, only moans as if it that was the only language you both understoodâ the lack of light only being laminated by the moon that fell through the windows and the computer screen. your hand strengthened its grip, foreheads pressed against one another, feeling his leg fall in between your leg in the midst of his grinds.
both of you fell in lust with the eager grinds you shared, hearing the rut of clothes being rubbed against one another, his unknowing hands, placing its purpose at your hips, gripping incredibly tight, pulling you closer at every hungered thrust, your eyes gulping the color of his.
he moved his body, you whining quietly at the empty feeling of his knee. he dropped down, leveling his face at your legs, pressing kisses starting at your ankle and to your knee, moving his lips as his tongue peaked through, letting spit form and absorb in the cloth of your pants until he reached your waist.
"may i...?â he whimpered, a smile curling at your lips, nodding with his fingers making its way to your shirt, yanking it upwards which made you gasp at the sudden movement. he continued his kiss, the cold inhale of his breath washing against your skin as he pressed his lips at the lining of your peaking underwear, running his tongue alongside it.
with a deep press of his lips, he left wet marks, pressing his face into your stomach, his head dragging all the way up your torso, inhaling the sweet smell of your detergent as well as the soap that coated your skin, until he stood once again, finding your neck, taking a bite without much warningâ feeling the flesh sink between the spaces in his teeth. 'so soft', he thought, letting his lips latch and suck roughly, as he used his unoccupied hand to pull your body closer to him.
his tongue rippled and rolled against the aching bitten part of your neck, popping himself off before he pressed a kiss at the hem of your ear, "is this real?" he whispered, pressing more kisses at the side of your face. it felt prosperous, feeling his lips scatter the smooth surface of your face, neck and earâ fingers prodding the side of your waist.
"can you say it⌠please?â releasing a sharp gasped whisper, his nose dragging along your cheek, sighing out a moan. "sayâŚmy name... i need to hear your voice.â
"james..." you exhaled, enjoying the way he wanted nothing but your time and your attention. he made you feel sexy.. desirable, like his own drug that he was unable to let go or take control of. every touch felt purposeful, hungry⌠soft with a strain of roughness.
"no... louder. say it... please say it louder." his words breathless, cracking each time his voice dipped in register, letting open mouthed kisses to gently press onto your skin.
"james!" your voice rose, saying it over and over at every press of his lips you felt, his moans talking back to each time he heard his name flutter from your throat. your voice felt like it was running down his spine and settling itself right at his cock. you adored how cute he was without even knowing that you wanted to devour himâ the sharp want to have him crumble in your embrace.
âfuck..â he cried sweetly, his voice breaking down in harmony. you placed your hands at his shoulders pushing him down as he obeyed your forceful action, him now on his knees.
without a thought, you pressed the bottom of your shoe at his obvious bulge, pressing your weight on it, his body shuddering with his lips ajar. âtell meâŚâ your diction sounding breathless, feeling the outline of him through the sole of your shoe, âdo you think of me⌠while you touch yourself.â his eyes growing, surprised and slightly worriedâ not as if it wasnât telling he came at the thought of you.
he couldnât answer, only giving a harsh swallow and swiveling hips, humping into the sole of your shoe.
âcome on pretty boy⌠answer⌠i know you do it.â
âyesâŚâ he gulped, âi do⌠i do. all the fucking time.â he admitted, his words flowing fast with his hips coming at the same speed.
placing your foot down on the floor, he immediately straddled, hands grabbing onto your calf for support as his hips rippled and rutted deeply into you like a horned dog. whimpers roared through the officeâs enclosure. he felt dizzy, drunk within the lust that spewed between you both. it was pitiful but cuteâ losing all forms of self just to hump on your shoe.
grasping his jaw, he looked up at you, eyebrows knitted in pleasure as his hair bounced in movement, leaning down the gather spit, letting it fall into his opened mouth. he drank it instantaneously, nodding at the new action he had never done before. your spit tasted sweet, filling his mouth with an extended tongue in need of more.
and so you did, this time more forceful, some falling at the side of his lip, falling down his jaw and chin.
something about how he acted, the way he presented himself and the way his nervousness wore him so brightly. you could hear it his voice, in his moans, see in his eyes, face and bodyâ nothing he had in display for you showed you otherwise. cupping the side of his face as your thumb gently stroked the warmth of his cheek, making his cock jump more than it already had.
âyou like that donât you baby?â
âuh huhâŚâ he breathed, frantically nodding, letting his eyes drape towards your lips, seeing his tongue peak through, pressing your thumb at his plush lips, dragging them loosely, until his lips would tug, allowing his teeth to peak through before leaning in closer to his until being inches apartâ irregular breathing brush against your mouth, as his nose nudges gently the side of yours, kissing you roughly⌠wet and raw. more spit escaping, coating all over.
âcan iâŚâ he spoke in between, âcan i taste you?â
and with an accepting moan, his body rose, grabbing you until you sat on his desk, the light of his computer now black and the moon being the only source of light.
opening your legs, he leaned in, his middle finger ran between your clothed, wet slit. raising his head, he looked down at you, âholy fuck⌠howâre you so wet? i can feel it through your pants,â he taunted, gaining a small glint of confidence.
he lifted your shirt once more, just enough to show your full stomach as he held onto your waist, pressing his lips right beneath your breast, leaving slow, teasing kisses down your body with his eyes staring right up at you. his face met up in between, spreading your thighs apart more as he let his face set right in center, pressing his nose right in the indention where his finger once was, inhaling your sweet smell before rolling his tongue over her clothed pussy. âyour pussy smells so sweet.â he breathed, his fingers curling at your pants and yanking them down until you were only left with them puddled at your feet and panties hugging your waist.
his mouth latched onto your clit, slowly sucking you right over your panties, feeling your throbbing bud feather against his tongue.
sliding your panties to the side, he saw the wetness connect from your pussy lips, to your clit, running all down your slit, immediately spreading your lips apart, seeing your whole view.
âso⌠pretty... god i wanna fuck it with my tongue. have my tongue so deep inside you, i can feel you clench yourself. can i⌠can i do that?â his eyes not leaving your face, seeing the limited and minimal expression the moonâs light allowed him to see, letting his tongue run up your slit as his mouth latches on.
nothing felt more pleasurable than to see the other pleased. his fingers trembled and ached to take you all in one go, but he believed you deserved more than that, you deserved to feel it run through every inch of your body. he wanted to prove that thereâs levels you could reach thatâll make you feel like ecstasy.
his body burned as if he was on fire, feeling himself twitch at every small sound that exuded from your throat. âyour voice, it turns me on so fucking much...â gripping onto your thighs, his nose nudging at your clit, mouth hovering over your cunt, drawing ribbons at the entrance of your pussy. he shook his head from side to side, your sweet scent filling his airway as he felt your slick coat the sides of his lips and the tip of his nose.
his tongue plunging itself into you, feeling your cunt pulsate alongside the bud of your clit. as his tongue worked along your slit and hole, repeatedly lapping at each entrance with the flat of their tongue. your scent and flavor enveloping his entire face, like a drug, and erotic perfume that heâd gladly wear if possible. his eyes drooping into a squint, his body looseningâ expect the core of his tightening abdomen from holding his breath and their increasingly hard cock. thrusting his face as he began to fuck you with his tongue, hollowing his cheeks, continuing to pay close attention to your clit. pulling back, he licked his lips, gathering spit as he spat right on your cunt, followed by a little slap, rubbing with the palm of his hand against the new tingling sensation, âwas that⌠was that too much?â he slurred, not thinking of the impact of what he had just done with the pleasured yelp you let out.
âyouâre such a dirty boyâŚâ you laughed, your hips breaking down as it planted itself more into his desk. âkeep going⌠show me what a horny little thing like you thinks about while you touch yourself.â
drunk of youâ the taste, the smell, he could feel a pit of sensation fuel right at the bottom of his abdomen. âhump my face baby, pleaseâŚuse me.â
with his tongue, he lifted your clitoral hood, centering his tongue right at your clit as he fluttered it as fast as his tongue allowed him too, feeling your expose bud jolt. using his other hand, he slid one finger in, curling it slightly as he slowly let it slide in and out, feeling your walls close. the sounds you let out couldnât be controlled, admiring how he used your body like an art piece, finding his way to use every fragment of your being, getting off to your pleasure. each knuckle falling deeper, as he started to bring up his pace. so wet, you could hear it at each pump, and god did that turn him on. âlisten to your pussy baby. my god youâre so wet..â
loving the feeling of your fingers that now laced in his hair, tugging at it whenever you felt so, feeling the tingle wash from down his scalp and spine, making him groan deeply against your, feeling it almost itch his own throat. his other hand pressing firmly against your stomach, rolling it up your body as he dragged the pads of his fingers down your torso, then thigh, letting them create small indentions in your smooth skin.
he watched as you squirmed as you watched how pathetically invested he looked hooked in pleasureâ him yearning for this type of attention, as if he cried for it. his eyes begged and begged, his actions looking less and less sense and out of touch of reality. your hips, not having a rhythmic move to them, just rolling and humping as his face kept up with your sloppy hips.
he slide one more finger inside, curling that one as well as his others as he turned his wrist in a circular motion, almost drilling your cunt, pushing it in and out, trying to find your sweet spot. he lifted his head, letting a string of spit and slick connect from his lips and your pussy. âkeep looking at me⌠please donât stop.â the sting burning at his forearmâ veins now prominent running from his fingers and down wrist. your pussy making the most loudest and obnoxious noise, syncing with the pacing of his hand and mouth.
his face traveled up, his face now hovering yours, paying close attention to your expression and the way you moaned for him, furrowing his eyebrows, âyeah? does it feel good right there?â he cooed, singing with your moans which filled the space that surrounded you both. he gathered spit in his mouth once more, letting it go straight into your mouthâ your hand out of his hair and to his face, holding his jaw and feeling the grooves of his teeth by how hard you held it.
âgod youâre so good for me.â you grunted, eyes almost rolling at the feeling of his fingers plunging at your cunt.
gritting through his teeth, âand you drive me insaneâŚâ pressing his mouth against yours once more as he started to sloppily kiss youâ your slick already coating his mouth and tip of his nose, now swallowing your moans. his breathing was erratic and his demeanor changed, feeling a sense of lustful malice grow in his body.
hurriedly, you undid his pants, slipping your hand in his underwear, taking out his hot heavy cock, his body immediately reacting with his hand holding the desk beside you for support. without hesitation, you jerked his cock, finding the same speed of his plunging fingers.
shared and eager moans radiated from you both, whiny and pathetic, desperate and conjoinedâ the sweet sounds of your wet slick and his skin being tugged at his cock.
âdonât stop.â he strained, already feeling himself in need to release, never being one to last longer than he wished to.
spit dripping from one anotherâs mouths, the tension continued to rise, the familiar sensation cradling at your core as well as his. clenching around his fingers, your thighs started to close themselves, him quickly opening them as he breathed in a choked gasp.
âare you gonna cum for me?â you teased, knowing you were right where he was, his body twitching as he nodded in response, âcum for me⌠do it james.â
a loud groan crept as he removed your hand, replacing it with his as he jerked his cock in a speed you had never seen from another man, directing his slit right at your clit. spurts of his cum fell right at your clit, the sight being too much for you to handleâ the head from it, sliding down to his fingers as he continued his hungered pumps, an orgasm ringing around it. it creamed thickly, white cuddling at his knuckles.
both of your bodies fell weak, the speed now resting slow as you tried to gather your breaths, eyes connecting as one as you recollected all the passion that infiltrated.
âmy godâŚâ you breathed, his fingers coating in your natural nectar and his cum, inhaling your womanly scent which sent waves of pleasure directly towards his cock that started to rise again. god⌠did he love the way your fucking pussy smelt. it didnât compare to your handkerchief⌠your bed⌠even your used panties. his fingers slipping out as he placed them in his mouth, each finger being sucked clean. âyouâre so fucking hotâŚâ
the intensity that fueled you both was too much to comprehend. no words being able to be spokenâ james blinded by the beauty and the smell of sex that fumed in the air. after all the days of him tugging his cock, the thoughts became real.
his face hovered yours, hands cupping your cheeks as he pressed gentle kisses across your lips, âcan i...â he gasped in between each kiss, heavy air pushing through his nostrils as he tried desperately not to pass out from the adrenaline and the need to feel you, overwhelm you and just make you cum from his dick. âcan i fuck youâŚ? please⌠please⌠please please please please pleaseâŚâ his voice cracking in between.
the need that laced in your whine transmitted through the thick of his burning skin. it was hard to contain steady breathing. mine, he thought. you were all his for the night, and it signified that you were in this very moment.
lips feathering against your chin, each kiss longer than the last, with his nose nudging up into your cheek. just from the quiet sounds you let out, your consent, your âokayâ to put his dick inside of you made the way he felt more intense than it already had. his fingers wrapping around the start of his shaft as he started to pump himself.
âyou can tell me if you want me to fuck you slowâŚâ he continued, cupping his hand to his lips and spitting in it, making a small puddle to coat his dick. âor if you want me to fuck you fast⌠tell me⌠tell me to keep fucking you⌠tell me⌠just talk for me⌠please.â
his eyes jolted down as his cock angled itself right at your opening pushing himself inside. just half of what would be his tip, focused only on you. sucking in harshly at how big he was and how he wasnât even all the way in. with his other hand cupping the side of your face and neck, his thumb rubbing gently.
âyou okay babyâŚ?â his attention still on you, analyzing each expression you gave to make sure that he wasnât hurting you in any shape or form, pressing a long kiss at the side of your cheek beside your ear, âim going to keep going okayâŚ? just breathe for meâŚâ
they pushed more, his tip fully being in your cunt. his body shuttered⌠you were so warm, you were tight and held him so comfortably, if you wanted him to stop right there, itâd be enough for him to cum. anything for you was enough for him. bodies slowly enveloping on another as he tried to talk to your body in a way that gave you comfort and pleasure. âmore?â he breathed, it hitching as he mindlessly held his breath, pushing more of himself into youâ your hot walls holding around the start of his shaft, textured and wet, with a heartbeat that almost felt as if you were sucking him in without his go.
a pornographic moan being spewed from jamesâ lips. the way your cunt grasped onto him, it's textured walls massaging his cock into heaven. you felt full, his dick thickâ leaning towards girthâ your breathing picking up in pace. you molded his cock perfectly, his hips slowly pressing himself deeper until his hole cock was enveloped in you. "goo...good boy." you tried to praise, hiccuping as your hands fell onto his shoulders.
the thrust started off slow, hiccuping almost similar to his rut against your shoe. it took a few thrusts until he finally was able to find himselfâ barely. each inward thrust, the desk shook, your body sliding upwards against his paperwork that scattered and crumpled.
âis this⌠is this okay?â his voice broken, hearing the new diction in his tone.
âfaster⌠donât be shyâŚâ
you didnât have to tell him twice, his hips momentarily stopping as he planted his feet firmly on the groundâ animalistic groans combating the way his hips started to snap. each thrust, your rear puckering hole was abused by jamesâ balls. again and again, the loud rhythmic sound of your skin slapping. "good boy, keep fucking me. make me cum."
the tip of his dick angling in a place you were unsure about. what was this? you thought. your body was excited and you didn't know whyâ you didn't know how to prepare yourself. your body unable to stay still or find a place where you felt the best in stabilization, screaming his name as he finally hit that spot, your good spot.
"don't stop! don't stop! don't stop! don'tâ" you chanted, him hitting your g spot over and over with your pussy sucking him in deeper and deeper at each outward thrust.
"i wish i fucked you sooner, why does this feel so good?!" already having the need to cum with no intention of holding it.
you as well. you needed to cum, but you felt something new as well. the similarly feeling of you needed to 'go'.
"waitwaitwaitwait!!!" you moaned out loud, his cock slipping out with an unexpected gift being brought to both of you. you squirted. it spilling from your cunt and drenching on the both of youâ your face, his work clothes and your work clothes. you had no time to react, your legs violently shook, with james hurriedly slipping in again with the same need to release centering at the opening of your cunt.
"ineeedto... i... fuhhhcking" you slurred, eyes rolling each time james pulled out, your pussy let out small spurts of your squirting cum.
"that is so fucking hot... you're so hot." james cried, tears rimming in his eyes, feeling himself having the need to cum.
one leg wrapped his waist pushing him down, rolling your hips upward even though it was all too much, but your cunt wanted more, it felt like it could cum at least one more time. grabbing your face, your lips forming a squished 'o'.
"fuck...fucking good boy." your voice fucked out.
"it feels too good⌠i canât take it." he continued to wail, tears started to stream down his face. "im gonnaâ" he announced with one finally thrust, james let his hot load rest deep inside you.
one could say his dream was now complete, but a new question shall be asked; how will this continue? from being âfriendsâ, horny individuals to fuck at work. but for now, you both continued to calm down from your high, kissing each other sweetly.
âthis wonât be the last time.â you smiled triumphantly, trying to catch your breath.
a/n: i never know how to end these⌠but maybe there will be another partâŚ
#james sunderland smut#james sunderland x reader#james sunderland#james x reader#silent hill 2#silent hill 2 smut#silent hill x reader#james sunderland silent hill#silent hill x reader smut#james sunderland x you#james x you#james sunderland x fem reader
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An incomplete "there's a good chance the icon you love and support is a Zionist" list
đ Raphael Lemkin, a Jewish Holocaust survivor, whose family was murdered during it. Lemkin is responsible for coining the term "genocide," and for every legal provision that exists today against it. His work against genocide was inspired by his Zionism.
đ Martin Luther King, Jr., who did not only support Israel and its right to security, a fellow participant at a dinner with MLK shortly before his assassination quotes him as having stopped a student attacking Zionism, and replied, "When people criticize Zionists, they mean Jews. Youâre talking antisemitism." He also encouraged Americans in 1967 to support the Jewish state, as Egypt blockaded the Straits of Tiran, endangering Israeli citizens by cutting the country off from its oil supply.
đ Emma Lazarus, a Jewish American poet, whose words ("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free") are engraved on the Statue of Liberty's pedestal, after they helped raise the money needed for its completion. Drawing from the value of Jewish solidarity, she also wrote, "Until we are all free, we are none of us free," adopted as a slogan by intersectionality (while many in the movement exclude Jews from it). She was a great supporter of establishing a state for Jews in the Jewish homeland, having argued for this idea years before the word "Zionist" was even coined.
đ The 14th Dalai Lama, the leader of the fight against the occupation of Tibet, who was invited in 1994 to Israel, at a time when China's communist regime did its best to prevent his visits anywhere in the world, and who came to Israel more than once, talking about the 2000 years long Zionism of Jewish culture in exile as an inspiration and role model for Tibetans. "Among Tibetan refugees, we are always saying to ourselves that we must learn the Jewish secret to keep our traditions, in some cases under hostile circumstances."
đ Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who spoke more than once about how her pursuit of justice is a continuation of that very same thing in Jewish tradition. She had repeatedly referred to American Zionist Jews as sources of inspiration. For example, in 2018, during her fifth visit to Israel, in a speech she gave when receiving the Genesis Award, she mentioned two such women, Emma Lazarus and Henrietta Szold.
đ Nelson Mandela had an ambivalent view of Israel, but repeatedly recognized its right to exist, which makes him a Zionist, he also called upon Arab states to do the same, and was favorable towards the Zionist Jews who supported him during his underground days. Mandela being critical of Israel and still a Zionist is an apt reminder that criticizing the Jewish state and opposing its very existence are NOT the same thing, and only one's antisemitic.
đ Felix Salten, the Jewish author of Bambi (the book Disney's movie is based on). The tale was originally a metaphor for Jews suffering antisemitism, something Salten personally had to cope with. He was also an ardent Zionist, feeling the self-liberation at the core of this ideology suited his idea of how to deal with Jew hatred.
đ Sun Yat-Sen, who helped end the rule of China's last imperial dynasty, was its first provisional president, and is nowadays honored as an important Chinese leader in both China and Taiwan (sometimes referred to as "Father of the Chinese Nation"). He was an enthusiastic supporter of Zionism. Among other instances of expressing that, he wrote in a 1920 letter to a leader of the Jewish community in Shang Hai about Zionism that it is, "one of the greatest movements of the present time. All lovers of Democracy cannot help but support wholeheartedly and welcome with enthusiasm the movement to restore your wonderful and historic nation, which has contributed so much to the civilization of the world and which rightfully deserves an honorable place in the family of nations."
đ Magnus Hirschfeld, a gay Jewish sexologist, nicknamed among other things "The Einstein of Sex" and "The Father of Gay Liberation," because his medical and scientific work on human sexuality, as well as social advocacy for women's, gay and trans rights, was nothing short of pioneering. He was persecuted by the Nazis to the point where he died in exile. They broke into his institute of sexual research, where the world's first clinic performing sex reassignments surgeries was located, and burned down the institute's library. Hirschfeld had attended a Zionist conference following the Balfor Declaration of 1917, and his work on sexual liberation found inspiration in young socialist Jewish Zionist workers he met during a visit to the Land of Israel in 1931-2.
đ Marcia Langton, a professor and prominent Aboriginal rights activist from Australia, who has been leading the fight against racism and for her community. She spoke out against the hijacking of native rights movements by terrorist sympathizers and antisemites, and has clearly stood against all loss of life, including that of Israelis.
đ Felix Zandman, a Holocaust survivor whose work on resistors is integrated into many smartphones, laptops, cars, satellites, hospital ventilators (saving many Covid patients), airplanes and more. Whenever the anti-Israel crowd is scrolling social media on their phones, they're enjoying the work of a Zionist, who enthusiastically supported the State of Israel, and even introduced an important improvement to the Israeli Merkava tank, which has likely saved many Israeli lives, Jewish and non-Jewish alike, and others like him, since Israel's high tech is considered only second to Silicon Valley (going back to at least the 1990's). If they truly wish to boycott everything that's been "contaminated" by Zionism, they should probably just boycott technology.
đ Rosa Parks, an African American leader of the civil rights movement (and someone who personally demonstrated how one can resist without turning violent). She was one of 200 notable black American leaders who publicly organized to express their support and respect of Zionism as the Jewish right to self-determination, and Israel as the manifestation of that right.
-> Like I said, this is VERY incomplete, even just in terms of how the overwhelming majority of Jews are Zionist, and have been since the inception of Judaism, which is itself Zionist. Over the years, this led to many non-Jewish human and native rights champions to be supportive of Zionism, too. Take note of who is being vilified, when the term "Zionist" is ignorantly used as if it means anything other than belief in the equal right of Jews to liberation and self-determination in the Jewish ancestral land. Especially when it is used as being inherently evil.
(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)
#israel#israeli#israel news#israel under attack#israel under fire#israelunderattack#terrorism#anti terrorism#antisemitism#hamas#antisemitic#antisemites#jews#jew#judaism#jumblr#frumblr#jewish#resources
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Despite Everything (It's Still You)
Intro: When he looks at you, he sees everything he could have been.
Warnings: bad grammar, awful writing, not proofread, kinda angsty, more platonic im pretty sure cus its not specified if ur lovers, might be ooc idk and idc, everytime i write idia i feel 10 years older because i cringe at my own internet slang
A/N: Done! Last request is finished, hope you like it worm anon. On my end, this is super rushed and it's not like, my fave ever so ehhhh.
Masterlist
Riddle thought heâd found a comrade in you. Out of everyone in Twisted Wonderland, heâd thought you would be the one to understand him.
He sees it in your posture, always straight and never slouching. Youâre good with academics, a diligent student. Like Riddle, youâd gone through life with the iron fist of a well-meaning parent, so surely, you understand him, right? You agree with him. You believe that rules are important to be upheld lest society fall into chaos. Itâs such a refreshing feeling to find a person who, like him, thinks that structure and stability are core values of a proper community.
But you donât. You donât understand. No one does. His consciousness is flickering between ink and reality. Heâs slipping into the grasp of the phantom and he feels himself slowly being consumed. Heâs being devoured. Right before the overblot, even you had stood against him. Why? Riddle wasnât wrong, he was never wrongâthe rules arenât wrong. Because if they are, then what did he lose his entire childhood for? So you must be the one at fault. This is your mistake. You just donât understand. You tell him that the rules and the competence and the structure matter less than people. You try to convince him that thereâs a better way of living. Is there?
Riddle doesnât know why. Heâd thought you were a comrade because he saw his own experiences in yours, but heâd never been so wrong. While he was still caught up in the chains of his motherâs words, youâd already broken free from the cage. You help him to reclaim the shards of childish wonder heâd never been allowed to have. You help him learn how to breathe, how to relax. Little by little, you bring him onto your path.
He doesnât understand you anymore.
Leona doesnât have any opinions about you. You never really talked to him at first, and he can respect that; you donât go out of your way for bothersome, meaningless things.
Every time he sees you, youâre sleeping or slacking off. Whatever, itâs not like he can judge you for it. You also have a real competitive streak for spelldrive, and your witâs not half bad, especially when compared to the muscle heads in his dorm. Clever and snarky, talented and strong. He can respect you. Maybe just barely, and heâll never admit it, but he sees a part of himself in you. So, a sort-of equal. Heâs still better than you though.
The taste of sand lingers on his tongue as it swirls in the air through the storm. Thereâs a part of himself he can no longer control. It makes him wrap his fingers around Ruggieâs throat and Leona⌠He doesnât want this. But he canât stop. He can still recognize you on the edge of his vision. Werenât you just like him? At birth, everything good was handed right over to your older sibling, leaving nothing but scraps for you. You found it unfair too, didnât you? So why are you standing against him? This is his chance to be someone worth more than his birthright. WhyâŚare you not agreeing with him?
Leona tried to stay away from you. But call it his instinct or whatever; he canât seem to avoid you at all. The second prince of Sunset Savanna is awestruck by your words. You tell him that birth doesnât determine everything. You tell him that youâd learned from your own past. That you can still make something of yourself without that which was given. You sure are chatty now, but who is he to stop you?
Youâre not his equal. Youâd long since left him in the dust.
Azul sees you as an opportunity. He likes you, really, because you know how to do business and you find a way to compromise that doesnât step on either personâs lines.
Itâs not difficult for him to find out about your past, and to be honest, heâs greatly delighted to find out about all that you have in common. Did you feel the way he did when he was isolated and bullied? Did you feel his pain? You were an outcast too, werenât you? But wow, look at you (and him) now! Itâs rare he sees someone as diligent as himself, as cunning and as smart. Resourceful and oh so benevolent, youâd fit right into Octavinelle!
Heâd steered himself long ago; he would never be weak again. He had long, long since forgotten humiliation and defeat. But heâs here again. This time, defeat was brought by your hands. Azul had thought you were allies. Business partners, at least. Why betray him like this? Donât you get it? Heâs powerful now! Why try to stop him? Why did you succeed? Heâs left in the aftermath of heartache and debris. He doesnât know why he did the things he did, but heâs sure that he was so close to being all-powerful. Perfect. A being so beautiful and flawless and strong⌠You took that chance away from him.
Azul wants you out of his lifeâyour presence now is only a reminder of everything he could have been, and everything he failed to be. Unlike him, youâve already moved on. Youâve learned to forgive your tormentors, and most importantly, youâve learned to forgive yourself. You tell him that it was never his fault, but that revenge was never meant to be the answer.
He finds that he had nothing in common with you, after all.
Jamil is perceptive. Next to the one whoâs attracting the attention of the whole room with a bright smile and sunny disposition, he finds a kindred spirit in you.
You seem responsible enough, and like a mirror, he sees you taking care of that person the way he does with Kalim. Itâs easy to pierce through your act because he knows how to do it too. Seemingly not too smart, not too dumb, not too strong, not too weak. Youâre good at pretending to be average. Like Jamil, youâve lived a life of servitude. Are you tired of forced humility? Of feeling like your life isnât worth anything when compared to the one you serve?
Heâs tired too. Heâs so, so tired. Why was freedom unreachable to Jamil right from the moment he was conceived? Was he unworthy of a life unbound by shackles? Youâre looking at him like heâs a stranger. Jamil looks at you like youâre a mirror. A mirror thatâs shattered, and damaged, and every piece is covered with ink and regret. You know what heâs been through, so why are you in his way? You should be an accomplice. Do you not yearn to be your own person? The phantom is whispering promises he knows it wonât keep. But nothing is more tempting than justâŚone day of happiness. Of his own happiness.
Jamil is inevitably drawn to you. You live so brightly; you see your master as a friend. You tell him he doesnât need to do the same. That the only thing he needs to do is find a way that works for him. And youâre asking about things he hadnât thought of before. An employment contract? The legal status of slavery in the Scalding Sands? Wait, youâre serving that person out of your own volition in exchange for salary and other related benefits?
In you, he sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Vil approves of you. Like looking in a mirror almost, he sees beauty and a passionate drive to remain beautiful in every single way.
Youâre a person with a consistent goal and a persistent drive to do better and be better; a hard worker with tenacity like that of the Queen herself. You are no potato. You are a diamond that has found a way to shine uniquely, and like him, you are already a master at your chosen profession. And yet, he sees the trophies and the medals are all silver and never gold. It is frustrating, but Vil knows that you as well know what itâs like to always be second best.
Heâd worked so hard. Heâd tried his very best. Professional music and choreography, styling and costumes. Heâd set up a multi-week boot camp for his team members in order to whip them into shape. Itâs all swept away by that person. Again. And again. And again and again and again andâ No. No more. He will take matters into his own hands. But you stand in front of him with a familiar determination, only this time, youâre determined to stop him. Rook had betrayed him and now, you do too. Is he not worthy of a victory? Not even once? The blot is so, so ugly. But if it means heâll get to wipe out everything thatâs opposed to him, heâll take that blot and use it to his own advantage. Like the queen whoâd disguised herself as an ugly witch in order to take down the princess; everything can be sacrificed for the sake of ultimate beauty. If youâre not with him, you must be against him.
Vil apologizes sincerely for his faults. He knows he was wrong, even if it hurts his pride to admit it. But you accept him so easily, so readily, he canât believe youâre acting like heâd never even hurt you. You forgive him. You help him accept his losses and continue to strive. Because youâd been in his position before, but youâd grown to be happy and appreciate the wins in life instead.
You are no mirror image of him. You are better.
Idiaâs never been this happy before; through his screen is someone who just gets him. Youâre good at games, and an introvert too? Score!
Itâs not like, ever, that someone who vibes with his genius just comes strolling through his life, so Magicord bears witness to long, late night chats about anything and everything. Youâve got some real fucked up childhood trauma too, big mood tbh. Itâs easy to spill his guts out over the internet, because even then, you still donât really know him. You like the games and animes that he likes, and heâs so glad that for once, thereâs a person out there whoâs lived through the same villain-arc that he has.
He canât rebuild the world if so many noobs are trying to stop him. Why? Whatâs so wrong with wishing for a world that can fit him and Ortho right in? Why is that too much for him to ask for? Why are you, the person he thought was his cool moots, acting up too? Donât you like Ortho? BroâŚnoâŚyouâre not actually doing a protagonist monologue rn, are you? Seriously? You think you can defeat him and his phantom through the power of friendship? Lolz, youâre so lame. If the world was a fairytale, he wouldnât have been born with this dumb curse. If the world was a fairytale, he would never have been trapped in STYX with no way out. If the world was a fairytale, Ortho would still be alive. But itâs not. So heâll remake it to be the story heâd always dreamt it to be.
Idia thinks youâre 110% cringe, like actually barf-inducing. But you did kinda save him or whatevs, so he can put up with you. Like, begrudgingly yk. Youâre just such a weirdo. He really thought you were just like him, but no. Youâve had therapy. Thatâs like, actually wild. You try to counsel him too, talking about feelings and whatnot, and how to move past grief so that it no longer consumes you from the inside out.
So it turns out you didnât have a villain arc like Idia did. Youâre the main hero.
Malleus finds you absolutely delightful. To see another who can speak to him without fear or nervousness is a marvelous thing that he cherishes.
You are no fae or long-lived species, but he finds you fascinating. You are intelligent and wise beyond your years. You are powerful in your own right. You are familiar, in every sense of the word. Even your experiences seem to be shared. Youâd been orphaned too, and experienced loss and grieved. Youâd mourned for far too many loved ones who have left before you. Do you see the present as he does? Do you embrace the past as he does?
The world is a sad, sad place. He would like to change it. Into one with happy ever afters, into one where there is no hunger and no poverty. There will be no suffering. In his hands, he will mold the world into one that is kinder to its people. There will be no death and separation. Heâs had far too many of those, enough to last his long lifetime. Heâs not wrong. So whyâŚwhy do you stand against him, weapon pointed towards him? The only thing he wishes for is permanence. Do you not see the vision? There is so much sadness in the world, why do you choose to wake from your beautiful slumber and face it head on? No matter. He will help you, even if you deny him.
Malleus is more than happy to take your hand when it is outstretched towards himself. You teach him so many things he hadnât realized before, like how to cherish the present and treasure each memory more than attempting to find a solution to make them everlasting. He had believed wholly that he was right; that the answer to death was a long period of dreams in which everyone lives in a happy ending. He had believed you to be similar to himselfâhe is wrong about many, many things.
Youâve always looked to a brighter future than he could even imagine.
#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twisted wonderland#gender neutral reader#x reader#twst x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#riddle rosehearts#riddle x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#leona kingscholar#leona x reader#azul x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#azul ashengrotto#jamil x reader#jamil viper x reader#jamil viper#vil schoenheit x reader#vil x reader#vil schoenheit#idia shroud x reader#idia shroud#idia x reader#malleus draconia x reader#malleus x reader#malleus draconia#overblot
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I know I'm gonna regret posting this, but I just can't not say something: I'm so sick of people who are actively contributing to the ongoing oppression of and violence against Palestinians calling themselves "pro-Palestinian."
In the same way that so many people in the anti-abortion movement are actually pro forced birth rather than pro-child, there are a lot of you who aren't pro-Palestinian, you're just violently antisemitic or in it for yourselves.
If you aren't:
Also angry with the other countries that abuse their Palestinian populations, refuse them citizenship, keep them in displaced person camps under horrific conditions, and/or close their borders entirely to them;
In support of genuine grassroots movements that aim to create some kind of stability, peace, and safety through diplomatic relationships and community building, because that's ""normalization"";
Willing to condemn antisemitism in the diaspora, which helps fuels right-wing rhetoric in Israel;
Willing to shut down lies, propaganda, and disinformation even if it "supports" Palestinians in theory, because lying repeatedly associates the Palestinian movement with lying and makes it harder for survivors to tell their actual stories and be believed outside of the far left movements (and also the truth is bad enough - there's no need to lie);
Willing to focus on practical problem solving over political posturing, especially when it will save Palestinian lives;
Willing to condemn Hamas, which started this most recent disaster, steals aid meant for civilians, uses civilians as human shields, and has been torturing dissenters for years;
Willing to work with Israeli leftists who hate their current government and want peace and full equality for Arab Israelis and their Palestinian neighbors, and also have the best shot at making that change happen; and/or,
Willing to learn about Palestinians as living human beings and value their lives over using them as a political cudgel, whatever that looks like on the ground;
.............then maybe you're more interested in looking radical and jerking off to some fantastical version of The Revolution, and/or hurting Jews than you are in promoting peace, safety, dignity, and self-determination for Palestinians.
Like seriously with "friends" like these, do they even need enemies??
Anyway you should call out the Israeli government for its very real abuses of Palestinians and nothing in this post should be construed otherwise. But if you genuinely care and aren't just in it for internet cool points or leftist cred or feeding your Jew-hate boner or whatever, you gotta prioritize solutions that have a realistic shot at short-term relief and long-term possibility over whatever fits some idealistic goal that will only ever end with more dead Palestinians.
#this post is probably gonna get me drawn and quartered by both ''sides''#but idfc#I'm right#I should've added:#instead of fixating on Jewsâ a tiny minority in the worldâ why don't you focus on Christian 'Zionists' who outnumber us significantly?
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Midnight Sparks (Roman Reigns)
On New Year's Eve, the OTC retreats to a quiet bar, craving solitude. When a confident and captivating woman crosses his path, their connection ignites, turning a quiet night into something unforgettable.
Pairing: Roman Reigns/Black fem plus size OC
Warnings: Smut (That's not going to change in 2025, lol)
Word Count: 3.3k
A/N: Happy New Year everyone! I can't wait to make more magic with you guys this year! Enjoy my first fic of 2025! It's based on this post I saw on X and never forgot it, lol
Song inspo:
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The bar is alive with the hum of celebration. New Year's Eve is in its final hours, and the atmosphere is thick with anticipation. People in festive attire clink glasses and share laughter while a soft jazz band plays in the corner, its melodies flowing through the air and mingling with the low buzz of conversation. The dim lighting casts long shadows across the faces of the patrons, creating a cozy, intimate ambiance in the bustling room.
Roman Reigns sits at the far end of the bar, his broad frame leaning against the counter. With a glass of bourbon in hand, heâs dressed casually yet show-stoppinglyâa fitted black Henley with the sleeves rolled up, his tribal tattoo spreading down his right arm. His eyes are focused on the amber liquid in his glass, but there's a storm behind them, a quiet intensity that comes with years of being in the public eye.
Heâs not here for the festivities. In fact, he's barely paying attention to the countdown clock above the bar or the laughter that erupts from every corner as people exchange warm wishes for the year ahead. It's been a tough year for him; losing his father and his uncle in the space of two months. It's been difficult, but not dire enough to need a New Yearâs resolution. Heâs already living one. Resolutions are a foreign concept to him. He doesnât need to mark the change of a year with promises to be better, to do more, to fix things. He already made those choices years ago, long before the clock struck midnight each December. Sure, wrestling is a constantâhis life, his career, his purposeâbut what keeps him grounded is the knowledge that even in grief, he has already figured out what truly matters.
The world sees him as the Tribal Chief, the unstoppable force in the WWE Universe. But here, in the quiet dimness of the bar, he is just a manâone who has weathered the storm of fame, faced down every challenge, personal and professional, and found his own peace in the madness. A man who cherishes moments of solitude, who values loyalty and respect above all else.
But solitude rarely sticks when youâre built like a Greek god and carry an air of quiet authority. People notice. They look. And Roman pretends not to notice. He prefers it that way. Keeps the conversations to a minimum, the attention low.
But then, she walks in.
She sweeps through the door like she owns the place. Thereâs a sway in her walk that commands attention, but itâs not for anyone but herself. Her skin, rich and luminous under the warm glow of the barâs pendant lighting, gleams with a silky smoothness that suggests she knows how to take care of herself. Her face, framed by cascading waves of midnight-black hair, is strikingâa perfect blend of softness and sharpness. Her eyes, almond-shaped and lined with just enough kohl to give her a sultry edge, hold a spark of mischief and an unspoken confidence that says sheâs aware of the effect she has on those around her. Sheâs stunning, and she knows it. Confidence radiates off her like heat off asphalt in July.
Roman sees her immediately. Hell, everyone sees her, as she settles onto a barstool just a few seats away from him and orders a whiskey sour. But unlike the others, he doesnât stare too long, doesnât linger like the guy at the other end of the bar whoâs already making plans for her in his head. Her full lips curve into an inviting smile, revealing a set of pristine white teeth that contrast beautifully against her dark complexion. She crosses her legs, the slit in her dress revealing a hint of thigh, and the OTC feels something in his chest tighten. But he stays put, for now, sipping his bourbon and stealing glances when he thinks sheâs not looking. Thereâs a mystery about her, an energy that says sheâs not here for anyone but herself. Itâs not performative; sheâs not checking to see who is watching. She just is. And that, Roman thinks, is rare as hell. He takes another sip of his drink, his dark eyes flicking away, but not before she catches him.Â
She canât help but smile to herself as she clocks the mystery wrapped in muscle at the end of the barâhis build, the chiseled jawline, the aura that screams âI'ma ruin your life if you let me.â Itâs the way he watches without watching, the way he sits like heâs too cool for school. He's impossible to miss, even in the shadows. All broad shoulders and smoldering intensity, with hair that falls in dark waves past his shoulders and a face so perfect it should be a crime.
She returns her attention to her drink, running a finger around the rim of the glass, but her lips curve into a slight smirk. She can feel his eyes on her. Men always stare, but this oneâs gaze is differentânot invasive, not disrespectful, justâŚobserving. Like he is trying to figure her out without saying a word.
Finally, he decides to close the distance. He slides onto the stool beside hers, his presence a quiet storm that she feels immediately. He doesnât say anything at first, just sets his glass down and glances at her. Up close, her curves are unapologetic, her ample bosom stealing the spotlight even as she sits casually, scrolling on her phone. Her off-the-shoulder ensemble clings to her in all the right ways, a shimmering green fabric that glitters subtly under the dim lighting. The neckline plunges just enough to make heads turn but leaves enough to the imagination, perfectly toeing the line between classy and daring. Gold jewelryâa delicate chain, hoop earrings, and a smattering of braceletsâadds a touch of elegance to her already magnetic presence.
âYou here alone?â he asks, his deep voice low and smooth.
She tilts her head, meeting his gaze. His slanted eyes are dark, searching, but not in the way that makes her feel dirty. ItâsâŚdifferent. Intriguing. âDepends,â she answers, her voice carrying a playful edge. âYou askinâ because youâre nosy or because youâre trying to change that?â
Romanâs lips quirk into a small smile. âLittle bit of both.â
She laughs, a soft, melodic sound that sends a shiver down his spine. âFair enough. Yeah, Iâm alone. And you?â
âSame.â
âLet me guess.â She takes a slow sip of her drink, her eyes never leaving his. âYou came here to brood and sip bourbon because it makes you feel mysterious?â
Roman chuckles, the sound deep and warm. âSomething like that. You?â
âCame here because itâs quiet. And the whiskey sourâs decent.â She leans back slightly, her eyes narrowing. âBut youâre throwing off my quiet vibe.â
âMy bad.â He raises his hands in mock surrender, but his cheeky smile lingers. âYou want me to move?â
âI said no such thing.â Her tone is light, teasing, but the way she looks at him makes his stomach flip. She extends her hand, her long fingers tipped with glossy black nails, and her lips curl into a sly smile. âIâm Dencia, but you can call me D.â Her voice is smooth, like warm honey, with a playful edge that makes Romanâs eyebrow twitch in amusement. He takes her hand in his, his palm large and warm, engulfing hers in a firm but careful grip.Â
âRoman,â he says, his voice low and velvety, the single word carrying weight. âNice to meet you.â
The moment their hands connect, itâs like a jolt of electricity shoots between them, subtle but undeniable. Dâs gaze flicks down to their clasped hands, her pulse quickening despite her best efforts to stay cool. âNice to meet you too, Roman,â she says, her tone teasingly soft, though the heat in her eyes suggests something much more intense.
The hours stretch, the conversation flowing between them like a lazy riverâunhurried but carrying depth beneath the surface. Roman isnât a man of many words, but D has a way of coaxing his dry humor out, teasing responses from him that feel effortless. Sheâs quick-witted, throwing out barbs with a smile that softens every edge, and he gives it right back to her, his low, rumbling voice laced with sarcasm and the occasional laugh.Â
âSo, whatâs your deal?â she queries at one point, leaning her chin on her hand as she observes him. âYou donât strike me as the chatty type, but youâre sittinâ here entertaining me like itâs your day job.â
Roman shrugs, swirling the last of his bourbon in the glass. She seems clueless about who he is. He welcomes the anonymity. âMaybe youâre just more interesting than most people.â
âHmm.â She raises an eyebrow. âThat a compliment or your way of dodging the question?â
âBoth,â he admits, the faintest smile tugging at his lips.
D laughs, the sound rich and warm. âA'ight, Iâma let you slide this time, Mr. Mystery Man.â She shifts in her seat, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward slightly. The movement draws his attention to the deep neckline of her dress. His composure wavers, but just a little. For now.
âWhat about you? Whatâs your deal?â he asks.
âI donât have a âdeal,ââ she insists, feigning innocence. âIâm just a regular olâ girl who likes good drinks and good company.â
Roman gives her a look, his eyebrow arching slightly. âYeah, youâre real regular.â
She grins, leaning closer. âYou tryna call me extra?â
âDo I need to?â
Their banter continues, easy but charged, the kind of chemistry that hums low in the background, waiting for someone to light the match. Roman notices the way her gaze lingers on him when she thinks heâs not looking, the way her laugh softens into something more intimate when he says something that catches her off guard.Â
And Dencia? She notices everything about himâhis quiet confidence, how he never touches her unless she makes the first moveâŚhow his eyes darken every time her tongue flicks over the rim of her glass. He doesnât lean too close or let his hand linger when it brushes against her arm. Heâs not flirting overtly or trying to rush things. Itâs impeccable restraint by design, and D appreciates thatâtoo many men think they can bulldoze their way into her space. But he is giving her room to breathe, to come to him if she wants to.Â
And gosh, does she want to.
As the time hits the 45-minute mark, the excitement in the bar picks up. People are gathered, waiting for the countdown, and the clinking of glasses fills the air in eager anticipation. D leans in close to Roman, her lips almost brushing the edge of his ear.
âMidnightâs almost here,â she murmurs. âWhat are you gonna do when the clock strikes twelve?â
He smirks, his eyes darkening slightly. âIâll make my move when the timeâs right.â
D pulls back just enough to meet his gaze, her full lips curving up into that knowing smile again. âBetter make it count, then. And it better end with you asking me to leave with you.â
The energy between them shifts, the playful banter now feeling charged, electric. Thereâs no denying it anymoreâsomething is about to happen. Something neither of them is ready for, but both are clearly craving. The tension between them is thick enough to cut with a knife.Â
Roman chuckles, shaking his head. âYou always this straightforward?â
D sets her glass down, her mouth curving into a sly smile. âOnly when I know what I want.â
He meets her gaze, the weight of his stare sending a shiver down her spine. âAnd what do you want, D?â
It doesn't take her that long to answer. âYou,â she says simply.Â
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His condo is just as she expectsâminimalist, sleek, masculine. The city lights spill through the floor-to-ceiling windows, painting the open space in shades of silver and gold. Roman pours them both another drink, cognac, and they settle onto the couch, the air between them thick with unspoken tension.
âYou always this reserved?â D asks, sipping her whiskey.
Roman leans back, his arm draped casually over the back of the couch. âDepends on who Iâm with.â
âHmm. And me?â
He looks at her, his eyes dark and full of something she canât quite place. âYou make me wanna take my time.â
Dâs breath hitches, her pulse quickening. She sets her glass down and turns to face him fully. âAnd what if I told you you donât have to?â
Romanâs jaw tightens, his restraint visibly cracking. âYou sure about that?â
She leans in, her hand resting on his thigh as she whispers, âPositive.â
Somewhere outside, the countdown begins, the sound of âten...nine...eight...â permeating through the window, and yet, everything in the room falls away. For a moment, itâs just Roman and Dencia, two people connected by a shared understanding, a growing fire between them thatâs too hot to ignore. They both know that when the clock strikes midnight, it's on. Whatever tension has built up between them will finally break, and neither of them will walk away unchanged.
âLast chance to change your mind,â he says quietly, his voice low, almost a growl as he sidles closer to her.
D meets him halfway, her hands sliding up his chest, her nails grazing the hard planes of muscle beneath his Henley. âDo I look like I wanna change my mind?â
The final seconds tick down. Dâs fingers trace the line of Romanâs jaw, and he leans into her touch, his breath hitching ever so slightly. Cheers erupt outside at the stroke of midnight, and itâs in that moment, with the world around them celebrating the start of a new year, that they finally give in to the connection thatâs been building all night.
When Roman presses his lips to hers, itâs slow at first, the big man testing the waters. But the second her lips part and her arms wrap around his neck, all restraint goes out the window. He pulls her onto his lap, and she straddles his waist as the kiss deepens, growing hungrier, more urgent. She tastes like whiskey and something sweet, and itâs driving him insane. Itâs a kiss that promises more than either of them could have anticipatedâa kiss thatâs the beginning of something both dangerous and irresistible.Â
The slow unraveling of restraint continues, clothes and inhibitions shedding. Denciaâs dress is tossed aside, revealing her insanely voluptuous figure, adorned by smooth, chocolate skin and black lace that leaves little to the imagination. Romanâs shirt and pants join the pile of clothes on the floor, revealing the full expanse of tribal tattoos and muscle beneath. For a moment, they simply sit there, taking each other in.
âYouâre even finer up close,â D assesses, her voice dripping with desire.
âAnd youâre fucking beautiful,â Roman murmurs, his hands resting on her waist.
Dencia smiles and presses a soft kiss to his neck, and then his lips, her backside rolling tantalizingly over his groin that draws a grunt from him. The moment stretches as they kiss and caress each other, tongues lapping, hands roaming as if memorizing every curve, every sharp angle, soft delicate skin and hard, honed muscle. He keeps their mouths fused together as he stands with her ass in his big hands, her legs wrapping around his waist as he carries her to the bedroom.Â
The bed is massive, draped in dark, luxurious linens, but neither of them pays it any attention. Roman lays her down carefully and takes his time undressing the rest of her, his touch reverent but firm, his dark eyes blazing with desire as he drinks in her nakedness.
D watches him, her breath hitching as he peels down his briefs, his hand closing around his long, thick shaft that makes her swallow her own spit. âDamn,â she whispers, her voice thick with want, pussy throbbing with anticipation. âYou really tryna fuck up my life, huh?â
Roman smirks as he finds himself a condom and rolls it on with her ogling every millisecond of the act. He crawls back over her, his lips brushing against hers as he massages the soft, bountiful flesh of her big breasts. âOnly if you want me to.â
What follows is nothing short of earth-shattering. From the kiss, this time hotter and more frenzied, a clash of tongues and teeth that leaves them both dizzy, to his hands roaming over her body, reverent but firm, his touch igniting a fire in her that she expects but still manages to stun her. He breaks the kiss to trail his lips down her jaw, to her neck, and her breast, where he sucks gently at her skin, eliciting a sharp gasp from her, a sound that amplifies when he finally enters her, both groaning at the intensity of his invasion. He is patient yet passionate, driving her to the brink and pulling her back just to push her further. He moves like a man whoâs spent years holding back, but now? Now the beast has been unleashed, pouring everything he has into every kiss, every touch, every deep, hard thrust inside her.
D matches his movements, her body arching into his, her fingers threading his long hair as her breathless moans fill the room. Her ankles cross just above his ass, anchoring him to her. Their bodies rock together in perfect rhythm, a dance of raw passion and deep desire. The air is filled with the sounds of their pleasure, of skin meeting wet skin, mingling with the faint hum of the city outside. The connection between them is electric and deepâboth feeling the sensations, physical and emotional, with every fiber of their being.Â
âRoman.â His name breaks on a whimper as she glances down to watch his dick, all eight inches of it, slide in and out of her wetness. Sheâs drowning in pleasure, overwhelmed by how deep he reaches inside her, how completely he consumes her. She arches again beneath him, her nails digging into his back. âOh, my god, you feel so good,â she gasps, her voice trembling.
He chuckles against her skin, his breath warm. âYou feel amazing, baby girl,â he replies. His hips roll slower, deeper, hitting every spot that sends her spiraling. She can feel him shaking with restraint, holding himself back for her. Sheâs never needed to keep up with anyone before, but her she is, under this manâs spell, trying to keep her head above the tidal wave of euphoria threatening to pull her under.
âIâm gonna come,â Dencia moans, her toes curling when he grasps her thick hips in his big hands and pounds into her pussy with an increased speed and precision that rolls her eyes back, âFuckâŚâ
Roman groans as she tightens around him. His lips graze her nipple, suckling the hard peak into his mouth. âThatâs it, beautiful,â he murmurs, âGive it to me. Let me have it all.â
Time seems to stand still as they finally tumble over the edge, her first, him second. Her thighs tremble around his waist, her head rolling back against the pillows as a loud, wanton groan escapes her. They climax with a shattering intensity that leaves them both shaking, their bodies slick with sweat and their hearts pounding.
D hisses quietly as Roman pulls out and crumples beside her. The absence of him on her and in her, however brief, feels sudden, strange and dare she say, a little unpleasant. Luckily, the feeling is eased when he quickly gathers her to his chest and wraps her in his sturdy arms. They lie there in silence for a while, their breathing gradually evening out. She rests her head on his shoulder, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on his inked skin.
âYou good?â she asks, a hint of a smile in her voice.
Roman presses a kiss to her forehead, his hand resting on the curve of her ass. âIâm more than good. You?â
She chuckles softly, snuggling closer to him. âFinished. Completely.â
They both laugh, the sound soft and intimate in the quiet of the room. And as their lips meet again, wrapped in each other, Roman canât help but think that thisâthis connection, this momentâis worth every second of restraint. His eyes lock with hers in an unspoken agreement, both of them realizing one thing is for certain:
This year, things are going to change. And itâs started tonight.
THE END
ââââââââ
How was it? The smut is a lot, I know đŹ But I often try to ensure thereâs a story behind it.
Please leave comments! I love comments ����đđ
Credit to the owner of the pic. Credit to @romanreigns for the gif.
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I have never liked bringing up politics here. Even as I look this over as I write it, my choice of language lacks names, parties and associations beyond emotion and ideals, because itâs where I live, and how I can connect with reality and my own heart. Whether thatâs a strength or a weakness, you can decide for yourself.
For all my love of running this blog as I have for nearly ten years now, I generally donât get into the fray or to put forward my thoughts. I value privacy for myself and others, and I l feel I donât need to expose who I am as a person to encourage others find ways to better themselves or to find ways to tell stories about people doing their best against the darkness with whatever light they can find.
But there are times when the light is hard to find, and I am afraid of the more immediate future and its consequences than I care to admit. My choices and my encouragement of others to live a virtuous life feels hollow in the face of a humanity that will forever conflict with itself over what these even mean or if they even matter in the face of more basic day to day needs or the promise of fortune. Or that the very real consequences that will permanently affect lives or end them are not something that we can wait out with grace for the days things get better, when there are people who will not share those days with us.
Itâs hard to find light in the face of that. By its nature, it illuminates but cannot be held. We need only close our eyes to it and it is gone. And if enough doors are closed, and shutters slammed shut, we can even block out the sun. But these are things we choose to do to ourselves and others. We can just as easily choose not to do them.
In the face of that, I can only decide to keep reaching for light and encouraging others to do the same. In the immediate, this is a small consolation, even for me. Itâs hard to see history repeating itself and not despair. But in the long run, we do more good by continuing the fight regardless, both to ourselves and the world around us. To the world beyond, itâs because absent our efforts, things can only get worse. To ourselves, itâs the quiet fire that can sustain against any winter darkness. The soul deep assurance that you were true to our better selves in the face of it all.
Travel with the light, friends. Donât close your eyes to it.
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sharpest tool | s. reid
(chapter two, feels like)
âI would do whatever you wanted we don't have to leave the apartment, met you at the right time,this is what it feels like. Livin' in a movie I've watched and funny 'cause I couldn't have called it, met you at the right time, this is what it feels likeâ
summary; the more time you spend with spencer the more you find yourself opening up even if its to the littlest things, you let him know you, and he loves it.
warnings; fem reader, mentions of bad relationship history, reader is closed off, avoidant!reader, lowkey a friends w benefits situation but its so much more, reader is lowkey so real; fluff, 18+ suggestive content. it is not the date i said id publish this, i was peer pressured (by my multiple personalities)
taglist; @gghostwriter @lavonee e @guiltyyassin @spencersinonlygf @criminalmindssworld @iknwreid @fortheloveofgubler @yokaimoon @sapphirecobalt-1 @eddiesdrummergf @livvyliv15
2.6k words.
SERIES MASTERLIST
You weren't sure how long you had been at Spencer's apartment for, if someone told you had been there for hours you probably wouldn't believe them. You didn't completely understand why but everytime he was around it was like time slowed, yet it seemed to only go so much faster. Hours with him felt like minutes. It was like you and him existed in your own little bubble away from the rest of the world, you loved that.
Everything with him seemed calm. Maybe it was his way of making you see the positive in a bad situation, or maybe it was how carefully and gentle he handed when your emotions got a little too much for you to bury away like normal, maybe it was how gentle and warm his hands felt against your skin, grounding you when you got a little too in your head about something, or maybe it was the way he would ramble off facts to distract you.
You weren't sure. You didn't know how someone could be so calm, all the time. Then you would connect it back to what he did for work. It was technically his job to remain calm in stressful or overwhelming situations. You wondered if that was why he handled you with so much care, as if you were a valuable he was afraid would break. Its not like he walked on egg shells around you, it was just that he saw you with so much value, he treated you so delicately.
Maybe thats why you had lost track of time.
You were perched up on his lap, your knees placed on either side of his thighs, straddling him. One of his hands was tangled beneath the softness of your hair, cupping the back of your head as his fingers curled against your scalp, while the other was wrapped around your waist, pressed against the small of you back. Hold you aganist him as his lips tangled with yours.
Your hands were cupping his jaw, every now and again your fingertip would trace the sharpness of his jawline and he would shiver and press you closer against him. He kissed you like he needed it to breath, you could feel the air leaving his nose against the skin of your cheek every now and again.
You felt lightheaded, in the best way possible. Whether it was from the very minimal amount of air you had been able to breathe in since he started kissing you, or if it was simply from the feeling of his lips against yours.
The air around you smelt sweet and full of him. Maybe thats why you loved being at his apartment, because everything there was so.. Him. The way it was organised and decorated, the smell of him that hid in the air between the walls, the colours of the cushions on his couch, it was all so him.
You pulled away from the kiss briefly as a thought crossed your mind, there was almost a shaky gasp for air, now that you were able to properly breath. He smiled lazily as he leant his head back against the couch, watching you. Probably admiring the flush of your cheeks, and the swell of your lips.
"Are you okay?" He asked, a smile still on his face yet his eyebrows were pinched in concern. Spencer's hand untanging from your hair, both of his hands moving to settle on your hips, his thumbs nudged up the hem of your t-shirt and slipped underneath them to rub gentle circles against the skin on your sides, his eyes never leaving yours.
You nodded, your hands dropping from his face to rest against his shoulders. You weren't sure if you were blushing, but you defintely felt like you were. You couldn't remember the last time a guy had this sort of an effect on you.
You looked down sheepishly, your hands gently brushing over the fabric of his t-shirt. "Im- Im just thinking about sugar cookies." You huffed out. Was it silly? Yes. But there was something about Spencer that made it feel so safe to say those silly things too, without judgement. Your eyes lifted to meet his, seeing the concern on his face was replaced with amusement.
He raised his eyebrow, a smile on his lips. "Kissing me makes you think about sugar cookies?" He asked, your eyes widened slightly at his tease, you instantly shook your head lips parting as you let out a huffy breath.
"No!" It came out high pitched and defensive and made Spencer burst into laughter. If you weren't blushing before you were now. You didn't know if you love or hated the fact that Spencer could make you feel so soft, so small, so loved. You partly hated the fact that he had that sort of power, yet if you were going to trust anyone with that sort of control over you, it would be him.
He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him as he buried his face into your neck. Your arms wrapped around his neck, moving up to run gently through the back of his hair as he pressed soft kisses against your neck. The sensation causing you to instinctively tilt your head to the side to allow him more access to the space.
"We can go get sugar cookies" He mumbled gently, against the skin of your neck, pressing another kiss there before he pulled back, looking up at you. âIf you want sugar cookies we can go get someâ
You smiled at him, tilting your head a little. âI didnât say I wanted them. I just said i was thinking about themâ You quipped back. You did want sugar cookies, but did you want to leave the warmth of Spencerâs apartment to get them? No. Did you want to have to make him go out of his way just to get you sugar cookies? Also no.
âBut you doâ He replied, raising his eyebrow in amusement. Maybe he knew you better than you thought. âYou wouldnât have mentioned it unless you wanted them.â He replied in a slight - matter of factually way, as if he was proving you wrong.
You huffed, âWe donât have to go to the shops just to get sugar cookies. I can get some on my way home later.â You mumbled, knowing your house was technically in the other direction to the closest shops. You also didnât entirely want to think about having to go home yet, you didnât have to, not for a few hours more.
He sighed dramatically as he raised his eyebrow, a smile of amusement on his lips. âWhat sort of almost- boyfriend would I be if I let you stay here craving sugar cookies?â He teased, you smiled.
The title he had given himself didnât offend you in the slightest. Instead it made your heart warm slightly and your cheeks flush. You sighed dramatically like he had moments ago, pretending to think about it for a moment, before shrugging.
âA horrible- horrible one.â You answered, a smile on your lips, giving in â because you were really craving the sweet treat. He let out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head before he pressed his lips gently against the top of your forehead.
âWell we canât have that. Iâm trying to win your heart here.â He mumbled, voice full of fondness while he teased, as you moved off his lap. You let out a hum of agreement, as you got off the couch, he followed behind you, standing up and reaching to hold your hips as you walked towards the front door.
If you werenât so focused on the task at hand (getting sugar cookies and clenching your craving) you mightâve admitted he didnât have to try to win your heart. You were pretty sure it had his name written over it months ago.
âI didnât know there were so many different types of sugar cookiesâ Spencer mumbled as he looked over the multiple different brands and flavours of cookies placed neatly over the grocery store shelf, his arms weâre wrapped tightly around your waist, his chin placed on you shoulder as you tried to decide which ones you wanted.
You let out a hearty laugh, âThey donât have any normal onesâ You half pouted as you looked over the shelves, unable to find the ones you were specifically craving. You leant back slightly to further press your back against Spencerâs chest.
âWhat defines normal sugar cookies?â Spencer asked, tone laced with confusion. Clearly he wasnât a sugar cookie fanatic. Your head turned slightly to face him, the awkward position causing a slight ache in your neck but it was worth it at the sight of his eyebrows pushed together in confusion as he looked over the variety of packaged cookies.
âThe.. normal ones?â You shrugged, he let out a chuckle as he placed a gentle kiss against your clothed shoulder. You werenât sure how you could better describe the cookies. You didnât want the chocolate ones, or the strawberry ones, or the matcha ones which looked cool â but unappealing, you just wanted the normal authentic ones.
âOh yeahâ My bad. I shouldâve known thatâ He huffed out half sarcastically, the other half of his tone was full of fondness. As he pulled away from your shoulder, turning you slightly in his arms so he could look at your face, there was a playful smile on his lips.
âWell- no! i meant- Like the normal onesâ You werenât helping your case, or him understanding. He just mhmâd and nodded unconvincingly, the playful smile remaining on his lips. He was teasing you.
You huffed out, âI hate youâ you muttered, pushing yourself away from his arms to further prove the statement you both knew was a lie. He apologised quickly and reached out for you, holding you close in place, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing you close against his chest as he hugged you.
âYou are so mean to meâ
It came out mumbled against the fabric of his shirt, and caused a laugh to pass through his lips. âIm sorry. Letâs go find somewhere with the cookies you want.â He said, his hand rubbing up and down over your back.
âWe can just get one of these.â You mumbled. He had already gone out of his way to take you to get sugar cookies and the last thing you wanted to do was make him go someplace else just because they didnât have the specific ones you wanted.
He shook his head as he leant away, not before pressing his lips against your forehead. âWe can get both. We can get whatever you want.â He said, looking down at you as he continued to run his hand gently up and down your back.
Every expectation you once had of a relationship was squashed by Spencerâs existence. Any standard you had in your mind he surpassed with flying colours, he was better than any guy you could make up in your head.
Every broken piece of you seemed put back together at the gentleness of his hands, the warmth of his body, the sweetness in his words, or the feeling of his lips against your skin. It was weird, feeling so secure in something so unofficial.
You opened your mouth to reply but you were cut off by the sound of Spencerâs name being called. You watched his eyebrows furrow in recognition of the female voice before his head turned slightly, towards the direction the sound came from.
You followed his gaze, seeing a blonde girl walking towards the two of you. Her arms were stacked full of items, rather than getting a basket or a cart for any of it. She was wearing a bright pink dress with designs over it. Her smile was infectious.
Spencer looked back at you for a second, his arms dropping from your waist, you wouldâve felt the pang in your heart if his hand didnât instantly reach out to interlace with your own. âGarcia, Hi.â He smiled, almost nervously.
You stood silently as the blonde woman looked between the two of you, a wide smile on her face as a gasp left her lips. âOh my gosh! Whoâs this? Is this your girlfriend? The secret message sender?â She rambled out excitedly.
You watched with a warm smile as Spencerâs cheeks tinted red. You only assumed you had developed that nickname because you had texted Spencer while he was working a few times.
âUh- Shes.. Yeah- uh.â Spencer spluttered over his words, he didnât know what to address you as and you understood why. Although he called himself your almost- boyfriend a number of times, telling his friend you were his almost - girlfriend wasnât quite the same. The situation you were in didnât quite have a title. Him not denying you were something to him, was enough for you.
You saved him the embarrassment and smiled at the woman, offering her your hand with a warm smile as you introduced yourself. She almost squealed in excitement, instantly shaking your hand enthusiastically.
âIâm Penelope! I work with boy genius hereâ Oh my gosh. Do you know he basically dies every time you text him. I mean I have never seen him smile soââ
âThats- enough. I think she gets itâ Spencer cut Penelope off, his cheeks now bright red and his voice was laced with embarrassment. It only made your smile widen because of the way it further proved what she was saying. The idea of Spencer simply smiling at your messages while he was away made your heart warm.
âTheres no normal sugar cookies.â You mumbled out, not really knowing what to say. You wanted to slap yourself in the face afterwards. Then Penelope looked over the shelves and a pout formed on her lips.
âWhat! Thats the whole reason I came here!!â She frowned dramatically as she looked over the shelves and any embarrassment you had felt washed away because she was so sweet. You had heard about the people Spencer had worked with before, he never failed to tell you the silly stories or conversations that were shared between his team.
âUs too.â Spencer smiled, squeezing your hand gently. You relished in the silent reassurance he offered. Then his phone started to ring, causing a slightly annoyed huff to leave his lips as he pulled it away from his pockets, his other hand staying interlocked with yours.
Your eyes stayed on him as he answered the call, you listened to him mumble a few words of agreement before the call ended just as quickly, before he could ever say anything, Penelopeâs phone started to ring. She struggled to pull it out over the amount of items in her arms, but successfully did before you could offer to help.
âWe have a caseâ Spencer mumbled gently to you, his thumb brushing gently over the back of your hand. You looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed in a mix of disappointment and understanding. He looked just as disappointed, if not more. âThats okay.â You said gently, Penelope seemed to be finding out the same news.
âIâm sorryâ Spencer apologised as he broke his hands holding with yours to wrap his arms around your shoulders, you melted into the hug as your arms threaded around his torso. Breathing him in.
âItâs okay. Itâs your job.â You reassured him.
His arms held you tighter for moment before he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head and then another. âIâll take you home first, pick whichever sugar cookies you want from here and I promise when I get back I will return with normal sugar cookiesâ He said gently into your hair.
âPinky promise?â You asked, he let out a warm laugh, kissing the top of your head against your hair again.
âPinky promise.â He confirmed.
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ÂĄShidouâs hcs and character analysis!
tw// childhood trauma, violence, reference to possible SA in his past, my writing cause I didnât proffered this
PHYSICAL TOUCH!! Friends, lovers or even just acquaintances, he has the bad habit of seeking touch, small or big doesnât matter. From shoving to fidgeting. Itâs different obviously base on the relationship you have with him. Are you two friends? Expect playful shoves, ruffling each otherâs hair, if sat together legs or shoulders will touch casually. He is the type of person to laugh and slap your shoulder while laughing.Â
If you two are lovers: hand holding (he does that thing of rubbing his thumb on the back of your hand), kisses, hair ruffling, legs intertwined, hugs from the back, nibbling/biting. Pressing his forehead against yours. SQUEEZES. Especially if you have more fat on you, he would *love* it. The need to hold you close and squish your rolls or chub.Â
I personally see him as unlabelled. I know a lot like to hc him as gay. And it does make sense, but one can flirt with guys and it doesnât erase the possibility of being into women too. That said, I do believe he has a preference for guys, especially aesthetically, but ultimately his choice of a partner would be base on mental compatibility and aesthetic attraction, no gender. I feel he is into someone who truly enjoys being their true self and doesnât conform to society norms, more on this in a sec.
He is complex, as we see glimpses of this in the âegoist bibleâ and during his internal dialogue (like in the U20 arc). I donât think he would be a bad boyfriend, but neither would he be perfect. Objectively speaking, he does have a rough, almost explosive side. But thatâs a side he brings onto the football field. How he is outside of football we donât really know. He is shown to be someone who values uniques, and also strength, complimenting other players strengths. He is not a demon, he just so happens to be a human with a deep complex personality. He seems to value peace in his life outside of football, which is something you donât expect from him. Because he gets presented as this brute individual and yet he is the same who pops out this answers: âWhat made you cry recently?â At the end of the day when I become nothing, tears come out.
âWhat will you do on your last day on earthâ Watch it as it reaches its end
âHow would you spend your day off?â Be free from everything and become nothing
His answers are, intense, are they not? Which leads me to several thoughts. 1) He is very lonely. Using humour and anger to defend himself, a common trait of children who were abused, neglected in their childhood.
2) base on this, I feel in a relationship he would enjoy someone who has similar vibes to him but ultimately is different. Someone he can be chaotic with, someone he can laugh as loud as he wants, someone with who he can gossip and still have deep conversations at the same time. Ultimately, an artistic partner would be the best. Not only because he is into art, mostly as a way to cool down and shut down his brain, but because an artist or even a writer can see the world under different shades of colours rather than in greyscale. Classical introverted x extrovert duo, with the exception that the introvert individual becomes as extrovert as him when they are alone. His partner is his ancor. He will need to feel at peace from the turmoil inside of him.Â
3)his home life was not the happy kind. Now, this has been long speculated and I will give my 50 cents on the matter. Letâs analyse his favourite movie, manga and song:Â
Music > hide. Especially "Pink Spider"Â
Movie > "A Clockwork Orange"Â
Manga > "Chainsawman"
On the base line all three explore the darker sides of humanity, the need for personal freedom, and the consequences of defying societal norms. They create a raw and intense narrative about self-destruction, survival, and transformation.
But if we dive deeper > the movie mainly depicts SA, itâs a twist mix of violence, societal injustices and lack of free will⌠âChainsaw manâ itâs all about violence, power imbalance and manipulation. Denji was a tool from the start to end (again, lack of free will). The song, explored themes of internal chaos, the darkness in humanity, destruction and emotional turbulence and the psychological tool that that violence and abuse leaves on people. I mean⌠can it be any more obvious? His whole character is shown to be this brute, rude, violent individual but slowly we are being feed details into his insight. Like how deeply philosophical he is, artistic and yet he is genuinely over sexualised. Maybe is a reach, but I donât think that movie, the song and the manga choice are casual. They are a mirror image into the possibility that his childhood was pretty much terrible. That his sexual comments, which come off as almost distasteful, and feel icky in a way, are a projection of what he went through. Trying to use a distorted sense of humour and the violence he grew up with, to shield himself from whatâs his personal life and past.
Like when he was locked up, his reaction was intense. He was close to begging to be set free. Againâ lack of freedom, he hates not being able to be free. Something could have been taken away from him in the past. Maybe is as simple as a culture thingâ as we know Japan is a rather modest country with certain unspoken rules. Its traditional outlook on things such as gender and sexuality are the total opposite of Shidouâs persona. His appearance is loud, his personality is loud and it alls screams âlook at me Iâm hereâ and yet at the end of the day he is still a lonely being.
I recently reread the U20 chapter where he enters on the field. His inner monologue he uses biology (specifically fertilization) as an analogy to scoring. Many people interpret it as him making a connection to sex, but for me, it didnât read as such. Maybe itâs my literature student nerd ass, but, I took from his inner monologue a sense of need in terms of leaving a mark onto this world. He speaks how art leaves a mark, so does books, buildings and obviously children, showing the family legacy. Proof that something existed before them.
Shidou feels that his legacy, his needs, are validated through scoring. He feels seen, people are cheering. He is leaving a mark. Which ultimately could be validating a lack of emotional attention he received when he was a child. To me, all of these references and the constant sexual innuendos are a meaning for something deeper. We saw how each character with a heavy backstory has a trait or something in them that screams âsomething is not rightâ. Like Rinâs personality being a result of what happened between him and Sae. Canât think of anything else to add, maybe I will add something later. If you have any opinions, I am more than willing to read them!! Feel free to reblog/comment :))
#Glamourscatwriting#blue lock#shidou ryusei#shidou x reader#blue lock shidou#bllk shidou#shidou headcanons#character analysis#character angst#blue lock headcanons#bl Shidou#headcannons#my headcanons#anime and manga#blue lock manga
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