#as it should be Praise Jashin 🙏🏽

[ladykissingfish]

*Kakuzu wakes up in bed, feeling disoriented and groggy*

Kakuzu: What the — *groans and touches his forehead, where he discovers a cloth bandage* What the hell is this?

*Hidan walks into the room with a tray*

Hidan: Holy shit … you’re awake!

Kakuzu: H-Hidan? What happened? Why do I feel so strange?

Hidan: First of all, lay back down, old bastard. You ain’t been very well. You don’t remember what happened when we came back from that mission?

Kakuzu: No?

Hidan: *sets down the tray and kneels on the floor by Kakuzu’s pallet, sighing*

Hidan: We came back, and I told you that your skin was like, turning fuckin’ green. You said it was fine and that you just needed a bath. You got through the doorway, and out of no where you just passed out. Your big stupid head hit that table in the hall, that’s why you got a bandaid. Seriously ‘Kuzu you need to lose some weight, it took four of us to drag your ass in here! You —

Kakuzu: *closing his eyes* Just get to the point, brat.

Hidan: Anyways, puppet-dick looked at ya and took some blood and shit and he said you were poisoned. Probably that guy who gave us the bread when you dropped your bounty off to him. I TOLD you that fucker looked like a shitty asshole! That’s why I didn’t eat MY bread, but your cheap ass blows a fuse about “wasting food” and —

Kakuzu: Hidan.

Hidan: Right. So puppet-dick made ya some kinda antidote but he said it’d make you sleep for a while, til your body got rid of the fever or something. You been in here, being a pain in the ass, for almost a week.

Kakuzu, muttering: I’ve been out a week? Good lord … wait. These aren’t the clothes I was wearing before, right? Did you … did you change me?

Hidan, blushing and scowling: It ain’t a big deal, bastard. I’ve just been giving you little washings and I changed your dirty-ass clothes. So what?

Kakuzu: *looks at the tray and sees it contains a bowl of broth*

Kakuzu: Have … you been feeding me, as well?

Hidan:  … What? I was supposed to just let your dumbass starve to death?

Kakuzu: *is momentarily stunned silent at the implication that HIDAN has been taking care of him*

Kakuzu, managing to sit up and clearing his throat: That looks really good, and I’m hungry. My arms still feel a little weak; can you help me?

Hidan, blushing harder than ever: Y-yeah. I mean I guess since you’re old and weak I have no choice. *dishes up a spoonful of broth* Open wide, bastard.

*Hidan feeds Kakuzu quietly for a while*

Kakuzu, smiling: This is good. Konan is a fine cook.

Hidan: Tsk; I made this, asshole.

Kakuzu, surprised: You did? On your own?

Hidan: You say that like I’m stupid or something. Yeah, on my own. I made a roast and then strained it and added cream so that you could swallow. If there’s any left, when ya get better we can eat the actual meat. You —

Kakuzu: *reaches out and pulls Hidan into his arms, cradling him against his chest*

Hidan: O-Oi! Hey! Let go of me, old man!

Kakuzu: *ignores Hidan and kisses the top of his head* I love you, you insufferable brat.

Hidan: *smirks and allows himself to relax in Kakuzu’s arms* Love you too, you shitty old bastard.

Kakuzu: I’m a shitty bastard, eh? Well you know what? Your God is fake and your beliefs are garbage.

Hidan: Your money won’t last and your greed will send you to burn in hell for all eternity.

Kakuzu, pulling off Hidan’s shirt: Burn with me.

*the two start making out in-between trading more cutting insults*

Deidara, coming into the room with medicine sent from Sasori: God damn what the fuck is wrong with you two, hm?!