#as if 2020 wasn't bad enough

[goatmilksoda]

Mental health issues are SOOO funny.

Me: Well, I'm not actively trying to kill myself and I'm not in the hospital so it's probably all just in my head and I'm just making it up for attention. I think if I was faced with a real crisis this wouldn't matter.

Anyone I'm speaking to (Concerned): Can you get some medication? Can you quit your job ASAP?

[eggmeralda]

I thought the october curse was gonna be skipped this year based on the fact I got a job on the first day but like. it turns out that was the bad luck disguising itself at good news and it's just another normal october

[inbabylontheywept]

the fine and subtle art of arguing with old men

it was a good week for testing which meant it was a slow week for me. most of my job is fixing the machine when it goes down. if it doesn't go down, i don't have much to do. 

fortunately neither did marc. in a site full of ornery old bastards, he's the oldest and the orneriest, so it goes without saying that i enjoy spending time with him. he reminds me of my grandpa. hell, he reminds me of a lot of people. i've befriended enough grumpy old men that i've got a sort of momentum to it now - you know how it is, when you meet someone that reminds you of someone else you really like. you get to start that friendship off half built, because you already have an idea of how to like that guy, and some of that old warmth can be brought to the new friendship. a little ember to start the stove up with.

(i think that's one of the really undersold beauties of getting older. you stop viewing people as strangers and more like remixes of friends.)

anyway, i was sitting next to marc and we were talking about the future. i've got my eye on having kids sometime soon (year or two? hopefully?), and he's very happy for me. i've tried asking him for advice, but all he says is that he didn't do a great job with his own kids and they still turned out okay, so i should stress less and trust myself more. i hope he's right. he believes it, at least, and it's a hell of a thing to have the faith of an old man. his faith is hard won.

as for his plans, he's retiring at some point in the next six months, and is hoping to sell his home and buy something in florida. he's republican, so he views the state as paradise, and i'm not inclined to even try talking him out of it. it's his dream, you know? i know for a fact my paradise would be a lot of people's hell. life's funny like that.

still, we kept going on, and it was a good time, and then he reminisced about the last time he got close to quitting - back around 2020. our job required getting vaxxed, and he refused, and there was a big kerfuffle about it before the job actually backed down. i know there's not a lot of sympathy for the unvaxxed out here, but the man's 62. you get the shot when you're under 30 to protect the people around you, but when you're over 60, you're just getting it to protect yourself and it's hard to be mad at someone for kicking their own ass. 

still gave me pause though. i knew he wasn't going to take it well, but half the job of collecting curmudgeons is keeping them around, so i said 

hey. i'm sorry they bent your arm over it, but.

but. 

you should really get that shot. 

and he looked over at me, and i looked at him, and he actually spat. not on me, just the concrete, but it was enough to show that he was mad. then he walked away, as abrupt as anything.

i felt bad about it. i wasn't sure what i'd expected, when he was willing to lose his job over it before, but i'd been so invested in his dream of retirement - the idea of him sipping margaritias on a beach next to his wife, the wife he calls every day during lunch, the wife he says is the one thing in life he ever got right on the first try. the wife that almost divorced him back when he was in the airforce because he just wasn't home enough. 

(but he can be home now.) 

and then he mentioned the vax thing, and it was like seeing a pin hit a balloon. he works out every day and takes all sorts of crazy vitamins and is generally committed to getting the most out of his pension and his life. i didn't want this dumb weak point to be his achilles heel. 

---

i wasn't actually sure how long marc would be mad at me. i've seen him stay mad at some people for weeks. i wasn't sure if being friends would make that time go up or down. 

it went down. i'm glad it went down. 

he stopped being mad about two days later. we were doing front end maintenance one morning, and it was just that simple mechanical rhythm - hex key, replace the anode sheets, punch some off-gassing holes, oil it up, put it back in - that put things at ease. it always does. people working there are too busy to remember grudges, and it has this sort of mandatory practical communication that helps smooth things over. it was going great, and then out of the blue he said babs, you gotta be careful giving advice. those shots come with complications. what would you do if i got that shot, had a stroke, and died? 

and i don't know what answer he was expecting, but i just told him the truth, which is that i would be devastated. i'd feel like i killed him. i thought that was a pretty normal response, but he looked taken aback. he asked why i said it then, and i said i'd have felt the same if he died of covid. that's just life. sometimes, there's no way forward that doesn't risk some kind of regret. 

we finished the tube after that, in a silence that felt heavier than peace but lighter than anger. it felt like the ball was back in marc's court. like it would be rude to take that turn from him. 

we parted ways with a nod and didn't speak until the next day. 

---

i was doing spreadsheet work when he found me again. standard paper engineering - thinking of things we might need and ordering them in batches, months ahead of time. it always feels a little like plugging holes in a dam with my fingers. 

but he popped up, and we didn't even exchange pleasantries. he just said i'm gonna die one day, and you can't blame yourself for that. 

which is a hell of a thing to just tell someone right off the bat. 

so i said what 

and he said babs, i am in my 60s. something is gonna get me eventually, and whether it's covid or heart disease, or a stroke, there will be something you could have said or done before. and that's okay. it's not your job to make me live forever. 

and you know, he actually made a lot of sense. so i said 

okay. 

i'll keep your business yours. i just

you were talking about your retirement before this. and i want that for you very much. you've worked hard for 45 years, and you deserve a break. we're getting to sick season, and it would be the saddest fucking thing in the world if you got this close to winning the race then tripped in the last ten feet. 

and we sat there a few moments longer. i wasn't sure what to say, and i wasn't sure what he'd say, but eventually he just shrugged and said

yeah 

then he left. i figured that would be the end of it. 

---

i did front end maintenance yesterday, after being gone a week. it's one of my favorite things to do. i like working with my hands. i really like working with my hands. i'm glad i went to college, but in a different life, i think i could've made a better electrician than an electrical engineer. 

and at one step, when we were both hoisting the plate back onto the machine, his sleeve rode up, and i saw two bandaids on his arm. 

we finished the install, and i was ready to go back when marc actually stopped me. 

i got the shot, he said, almost embarrassed. like he'd been caught. and i knew he was gonna say something dumb about it, so i just cut him off by giving him a hug. 

i was relieved. hugging old men is kind of like picking up cats. if they like you a lot, they'll tolerate it, but that's about it. we sat there maybe three beats before his hands went up, and then he gave me one overly-hard thump on the back. in my experience, this is how old men tell you that they're done, so i let him go.

carla talked me into it, he said, almost defensive. his wife. his one good decision.

tell her i said thanks, i said back.

trump got the shot too, he said, less defensive, but oddly pleading. like he was consoling himself.

like he was nervous.

then it's gotta be safe, i said, and he looked up at me, strangely searching, strangely vulnerable. i don't know exactly what he was looking for, but i guess he found it because after a few moments his shoulders relaxed.

yeah, he said, one hand on the back of his head.

it's gotta be.

[hag-o-hags]

I hate this man for so, so, SO many reasons, and he just keeps stacking 'em up like goddamn pancakes at glib smug centrist shit-tipping brunch.

[yourlocalsmutwriter]

A pound of flesh - Lewis Hamilton x reader

You hear Lewis coming home before you can see him. Usually, he'd stick with his trusty every day Mercedes, the electric car smooth and quiet. But today, it's the Ferrari he's taken back from the airport.

"Look who's here," you tell Roscoe, who's already throttling to the door, tail wagging.

Lewis unlocks the door and goes to pet his beloved dog, barely managing to drag in his luggage. He pauses the soft scratches against fur to hug you and give you a quick kiss.

"Welcome back." You say. Usually, he'd be spending more time in Abu Dhabi for testing, but with his team change, he was free.

"Good to be here. Let me unpack this, and then we can all go out on a walk?" He replies, knowing that Roscoe would love the extra time.

"You boys can go out on your own. You know I can't say no to your fans. I think I took around a thousand pics when I had this looker all to myself." You suggest, not in the mood to be mindful of every movement you make. Especially now, when your desire to have Lewis was increased tenfold. Nobody needed to see your flushed face and slight clench of thighs after even the smallest touch. You swear your boyfriend was coated in aphrodisiacs, you could never get enough of him.

He agreed with a promise to be back as soon as possible. He attaches the leash to Roscoe, grabs the biodegradable baggies, and they're off. You are left with the remaining suitcase and bag. You decide to unpack it and sort it out, acts of service, and all that.

Lewis' luggage is neat. Is it surprising that the grid's fashion icon is not a fan of wrinkled shirts. It's all smooth sailing until you reach the smallest pocket of his backpack. There's a bottle of lube? And a fleshlight. You weigh the unfamiliar object in your hands. Was there a possibility he got it early for Secret Santa? But then why would it be open? Had he actually used it? If he had, how much? And ho7w did it look like? You certainly jumped ship fast, picturing Lewis pumping into the soft silicone toy. Did he think of you while doing it? Moan your name quietly as he filled it up with his cum? Did he use it every time, or was it a more of a last ditch effort. Lewis, spent, his hands slick with his spit and precum. His cock throbbing, but needing something more. Needing a pussy to fuck, a soft wet heat to sink in. Him lifting his hips and thrusting in earnest, needing to bottom out. Testing out the pace, seeing how certain rhythms would feel with you.

The fleshlight captures your attention so well that you don't notice the man himself walking back in your bedroom.

"Jesus fuck, please don't touch that." He pipes up, when he realizes just what you're holding. He's embarrassed. To own a fleshlight, a pocket pussy wasn't really his style. Truth is the purchase was once a necessity. A quick dip into a sex shop abroad years ago. He kept in around, because how the fuck do you even recycle this thing. And lately it's been coming in handy (and so has he).

"But I have so many questions." You say as you're still holding the toy. Usually, you'd drop it. But this was a goldmine. So you start with

"When did you get this?"

"2020." He replies.

"Okay, so at least I don't have to worry about being bad at sex." You laugh. Lewis walks over to you, arms wrapping around your waist, lips on your neck. Between kisses on your collarbone, he whispers that you're a great fuck. But he's only trying to distract you from being curious. So you don't relent.

"Why do you have it?"

"I'm an athlete in one of the most competitive and dangerous sports in the world. Almost every weekend, I'm in a car, risking my life. So yeah, hard not to get pent up. It doesn't help that I was notoriously single for some years before you came along. Can't really have a one night stand when your face is on a newsstand." He tells you.

Lewis' hands drift to your hips and move up. You hold the fleshlight away from his reach, and he retaliates by squeezing your breasts. His fingers clamp around your nipples and twist. Despite your needy moans, despite his promises to "make it worth your while," if you stop discussing his sex toy, you continue.

"Can't you just, I don't know, take a cold shower. Meditate it away or something. Do you need to get off?"

"Who do I have to blame for this, huh? Who's the one sending me nudes, videos, begging me to guide her through it, to make her cum? Who's the one that fucking jumps my bones at every break. You got me so fucking pussy drunk that I can't help it. I need to be inside of something. Otherwise I can't fucking cum." He says as his hand trails back down to your cunt. Despite the layers between you, the rough denim of your jeans and the cotton of your panties, you still feel him.

"Does it feel good? Is it like the real thing?" You ask, still managing to focus. But your concentration is broken when he says.

"When I'm away, it feels perfect. But then, I don't fucking know how you feel. I remember, but it's not the same. So I guess that will remain a mystery. Unless you want to try out a little experiment.".

You get what he means, and you're on the bed, clothes off. You're on your back, nipples hard, thighs glistening with slick and the fleshlight right on top of your aching cunt. You expect Lewis to grab a condom. Instead he simply gets the lube. You don't need it, but you're guessing the toy does. He's rubbing your clit, while touching the silicone toy at the same time. It's the faintest of caresses, a light tease if anything.

Usually, he'd not take his time, especially now, after he'd been away for so long. He wanted nothing more than to fuck you fast and hard, to make you cum. But you had a lesson to learn. Don't pry. Don't be a tease. Don't try to switch on him. Do not take his control.

It wasn't like you hadn't been bratty before. You'd be mouthy, sure. But you'd take the consequences. Whether it was spanking, too many orgasms or none at all. And now you're getting this. Being compared to a pocket pussy.

Lewis was no stranger to using toys, even with you. In fact there was nothing he loved more than pressing a vibrator against your clit as he fucks you. The buzzing between you brings you closer, making you squeeze his cock. But this, the fleshlight was different.

“Be a good girl and hold it for me, will you. Need it steady." He reminds you. Lewis watches your fingers clench around it. Yet you're shaking, practically vibrating from pleasure.

He kept up his rhythm, twin fingers trailing paths up your slit and that of the toy. There was a clear winner. Even his high grade, vegan lube was no match for your wetness. You were so eager and needy for him, beyond ready for anything he could give you. But he was a man of his word, he wanted to show you just why you were better.

He finally, finally presses a finger against you and you're a goner.

"You're fucking soaked, huh." He asks, as if it isn't obvious. Your hips are buckling against him and he has to grip them to stop you from moving. Saying something about unfair advantage, he makes you still, and fucking stops. No pleasure would come your way if you didn't play by his made up, unknown rules. With a whine, you beg for his touch. But he still doesn't use his fingers on you again.

His cock moves against your clit, rubbing it, then doing the same thing to the toy you're still holding. He spreads it open and thrusts slowly, letting the silicone envelop his shaft. It's fine. Then your turn comes. He sinks in you and it's so much better. Your little gasp at the first inch. Your warmth, the way you can't help but wrap your legs against his waist, to pull him closer to you. He takes the fleshlight and tosses it on the floor, not giving a fuck about the mess.

"Does this answer your question? About which is better." He asks and rejoices that you can only whimper and beg for more as a response. Lewis guesses that the triple header was also hard on you.

"Tell me how it feels." He continues, fully intent on milking this moment forever.

"Feels so good, God I need you like this again. Need you inside of me. Need you to fill me up, please." Lewis doesn't hesitate, gripping your hips and bringing you closer to him. His fingers move to rub your clit and that's your undoing. His comes about a minute later when you look up at him and say the magic words “Lewis, please.”. As much as he wants to lay next to you and cuddle to sleep, he's a good partner. So he takes the fleshlight that started this all and gives it a good scrub with some water and soap. Then he takes a towel to clean up his girl.

“You know, I gotta let you find my sex toys next. Let's see what happens then.” you say, and your words are somewhere between a treat and a promise.

[bbhyeoliskooks]

𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐋��𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐌𝐞 | badboy!cyj

Yeonjun thinks you’re irresistible, therefore making it hard to stay away

♔ genre: yeonjun x reader (f), bad boy, fake dating, opposites attract, fluff, angst, 20k+ words - loosely based on the timestamps I made in 2020

♔ warnings: bad words, blood, wounds, alcohol, insecurity, mentions of cheating

♔ song: Only Look at Me - Taeyang

When you locked eyes with Choi Yeonjun, the leather jacket wearing troublemaker, you were more than stunned. To see him. At the dog shelter. No, it wasn't how handsome he was that shocked you since you hadn't even dared to look at him before- it was the fact that he was helping at a dog shelter, the complete opposite of what fit his image. And you knew not to stereotype him, but how could you not?

He was the guy at school that everyone feared and knew not to mess with. The guy that would give someone a beating if they just looked at him wrong. Out of every place you would expect him to be working at, it was definitely not a dog shelter.

But here he was, hands gently rubbing the corgi's chin as it licked his wrists enthusiastically. Hands gripping the broom, you felt your feet glue to the floor as you watched him laugh and giggle, playing with the dog as it attacked him with affection. His laugh, filling the large room, reverberated off the walls- something out of him that you've never heard before. The contrast between his fearsome image at school and the careless boy laughing heartily in front of you was the shock of the century and you found yourself gasping, not believing what was playing out in your very eyes.

You hadn't really talked to Yeonjun before, most of it due to the fact that you were extremely scared of him. You had heard so much about how dangerous he was according to other people; each week, there was always a new rumor floating through the school that he single-handedly fought a gang or kissed another college girl. Such things made it harder to get to know him, and you weren't sure if he'd even want to be your friend. You two came from opposite worlds anyway; you weren't the type to find trouble exhilarating and he was always in a new fight. Oftentimes you would see Yeonjun sporting a brand new bruise on his scuffed cheek or fresh crimson cuts on his already wrapped up hand. Other times you would see him dozing away in class from lack of sleep, in front of the poor teacher who just wanted the class to pay attention!

Though you didn't know much, you still stayed far away from Yeonjun. If anything, his physical injuries were proof enough and you bought into the ridiculous rumors of his tales and tea. It's not like they were a lie really. You could just tell how dangerous he was just from the way he acted and his cocky stance that only yelled 'don't come near!'

"You staring, princess?"

Your eyes widened and you started to stutter, putting one hand up nocently while the other gripped the broom. You felt busted, even though looking at him wasn't a crime scene. Sure felt like one. He basically had you shivering in your shoes because of his glare. Besides, how did he know you were there anyway?! His back was towards you, for goodness sake!

"O-oh, I'm sorry! I just didn't know you-"

He smirked at your incredulous expression before turning back to watch the corgi beside him fall and show its belly. Yeonjun couldn't help but chuckle at the playful creature, reaching to scratch the fluffy white tummy. He cut you off from your stuttering with a smooth voice, another part of him that you rarely heard.

"It's okay. Y/N, right? Yeah, I work at a dog shelter. I really like the dogs here, especially this corgi," he giggled, eyes quickly darting between you and the dog.

Left silent and gobsmacked, you gazed at how he was on the floor, being extremely gentle with the creature. There were a million things running through your mind, but the only thing that stood out to you the most was that he knew your name. As far as you were concerned, you hadn't spoken much to Yeonjun before- most of that being due to fear or scarce circumstances. In addition, there was only one class that you shared together, so how could he have known? It didn't help that you barely brought attention to yourself, rarely raising your hand to answer a question.

The fact that he knew your name had the butterflies in your stomach fluttering; however, you quickly snapped out of it, making it out to be a coincidence.

"Yeah, that corgi is super cute! I, just um.... didn't know that you would be working here, didn't think it was your type," you laughed nervously, reaching for the suddenly itchy part behind your neck.

Yeonjun simply got up, pushing his hands from the floor to help him stand up. The dog trailed behind him, hungry for more attention despite receiving some earlier. Its stubby legs followed Yeonjun as he came near you with a mischievous smile on his face. The proximity between your faces made your face heat up and you gulped. He was already so comfortable, being this close to your ear.

He just whispered, clasping his hands together playfully in a prayer position. "Keep it a secret, alright princess?" He then opened the door, letting the dog shuffle out first into the hallway before turning again towards you with a glint in his eyes, "just between us."

It wasn't until the door creaked, a high-pitched whistle sound that snapped you out from your daze. What just happened? Did the Choi Yeonjun just speak to you? And why was he asking you to keep his volunteer work at the dog shelter a secret?

─── ♔ ───

The next time you saw Yeonjun was when he was dozing off in class. Obviously he didn't seem to care about the lesson as he quietly snored, unaware of the drool and noise he was making. Normally you wouldn't have cared, but your teacher put her students into groups and... surprise surprise, you were paired with none other than Yeonjun. How lucky.

You stared at how peaceful he looked while he slept, his face completely relaxed with his mouth open a tiny bit. His hair gently fanned over his eyes, still looking as perfect as ever even though it was untidy. If he was like this forever, you figured you wouldn't have anything to be scared of. Unfortunately, this project was a massive part of your grade and you wanted to get most of it while you had the chance... which meant waking up Yeonjun.

Gently shaking him, you grabbed onto his leather jacket that was cold to the touch. Tugging onto the ends of the jacket didn't seem to be working as he would slightly open one eye before closing them again. You huffed, bending down to examine his face before he lazily opened both this time, wondering what was disrupting his precious sleep. You jumped back with fear since the proximity of your face and his was too close for comfort and he'd probably think you were weird for being near him.

He just blinked a couple times, unfamiliar with the environment around him before groaning a quiet, "Princess...?" His voice was groggy with sleep which meant that he was very well into the dreaming stage until you so rudely had to disturb him.

Honestly, the use of the nickname for the second time had you taken aback. You tried to remain unfazed, coughing awkwardly. Waking him up was like playing with fire; you weren't sure if he was a nice person when he woke up and considering that he wasn't really nice awake either, well...

You cleared your throat, toying with your fingers that clutched your supplies. "Uh, Yeonjun, um... we have to do a project together. Sorry for waking you up."

Yeonjun rubbed the rest of the fatigue out of his eyes. The nap didn't seem to help even though he already slept through the majority of the class. If anything, his dark circles were more prominent than before and he still felt lethargic. Since he was used to doing anything he wanted with no consequences, he just paid no mind, distracted by sleep taking over him again. He only responded with a grumble, slowly closing his eyes for the nth time while you felt all the more embarrassed.

"Yeonjun, please? Don't you want a good grade as well?" You pleaded, taking the seat next to him while he comfortably lay on his arms. Once again he opened one eye, looking straight at you. You frowned, upset that he wasn't even trying. Granted you knew that he didn't care about school or really anyone for that matter, but at least you were keeping his secret safe! Of course he didn't owe you anything, but pretending to care about the project would still be nice.

Yeonjun gazed at you, glancing at the upset glint in your eye and your frown. Out of everything else, you cared about his grade... knowing that he didn't give one fuck about it? For some reason, his heart skipped a beat while he looked at you, thinking to himself: cute. The way you sat there, clutching your bedazzled and decorated notebook to your chest with the pen slid through the spirals had his insides turning into mush. You were absolutely adorable to him, glaring mindlessly as if to scare him.

Perhaps that was when Yeonjun's soft spot specifically for you started developing. Because of that, he sat up and got to work, no matter how much sleep was pulling him away.

─── ♔ ───

When you arrived at your usual spot for lunch, you were surprised to see the brooding guy, Yeonjun, in the seat opposite to where you usually sat. Your boyfriend wasn't at school today because of sickness so seeing Yeonjun in his seat was a shock. Scared to death, you clutched your lunch box and walked next to him. This couldn't be good. He probably had a problem with you already and you groaned internally, slapping yourself for waking him up a couple days before.

You could tell that he was pissed off by the way he sat. With his jaw clenched and his fingers clasped together on the seat as his legs spread out, it was quite obvious that he was angry.

Nervously you cleared your throat, fiddling with your fingers, "um... is there any particular reason why you're here?" He raised an eyebrow, not responding, so you felt inclined to ramble whatever was on the tip of your tongue. He was so scary that you could literally shit your pants. "Well, I'm just wondering since this is where I usually sit and everything, but you're okay to sit here! I can move, if you want."

Yeonjun couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, only making you more confused. It seems as though his anger dissipated based on his behavior lightening up with a simple smile.

"I'm just here to work on the project for a little bit. It's not a problem, right? I know how much it means to you."

Taken aback by his calm yet sweet answer, your jaw nearly dropped. He knew how much it meant to you? Clearing your throat, you adjusted your skirt and tried to act normal about the situation. No way the scariest guy in school could say something like that.

Yeonjun tilted his head, gesturing to the bench behind him, "come on. Sit down."

Though his words were controlling, his tone was soft, inviting you sweetly. You sat down, finding yourself completely awkward as you pulled out your notebook from your lunch bag. True to his word, he also pulled out a few loose leaf papers from his bag along with a pen. The whole lunch period was spent with silence between the two of you, trying to finish as much of the project as you could even though it was only the first day.

When Yeonjun stopped aggressively writing on his own paper, you looked up just to see him glaring at everyone near you. The people near were either pointing at him and whispering muffled words. Though you couldn't hear specifically what they were saying, you could tell that most were stunned because of their dropped jaws and stares between you and Yeonjun. Honestly, you couldn't blame them. In a million years, you wouldn't have expected to be working with him at lunch for a stupid class project.

With the amount of attention you both were receiving, you spoke without thinking, "why do you act like that? Glaring at everyone?"

It came off more as rude but Yeonjun didn't see it that way, his expression turning to one of guilt and also shock at your curiosity. "I've just had a bad day and everyone is being annoying by staring at us. But I genuinely don't mean any harm."

His words were ironic; the boy had cuts everywhere from the scar on his cheek and the fresh ones on his fingers. He didn't mean any harm, but fought gangs on the daily (as ridiculous as it sounded)? You found it hard to believe as you chuckled to yourself, an entertained laugh that didn't go unnoticed by him.

"But don't you care that you can scare people off?"

He took a second to think about his answer, looking up at the sky with a pout on his face. You watched him intently as he hummed, completely curious to what he would say.

Instead he grinned, flashing you a mischievous smile. You couldn't fight back a smile of your own now. "Meh. It doesn't matter to me, actually. Besides, you're not scared of me, right?"

Your hand flew up to scratch the back of your neck as you smiled back sheepishly. "I would be lying if I said no." His smile made it easier to tell him the truth. Even though you were scared for your life, gripping onto your sandwich and biting your lip, you found it rather easy to be honest from earlier interactions from him.

He laid his pen down, adjusting himself so he could be more comfortable. He sent you a smirk, getting closer to your face.

"Then I'll work on my expressions so you're not scared of me. I'm just Yeonjun."

You rolled your eyes jokingly and laughed, "yeah, Yeonjun, the notorious bad boy that everyone is scared of." Perhaps he didn't know about his own reputation and that was probably true since no one wanted to be too close to piss him off. Before this conversation, you couldn't blame them but now you saw that Yeonjun wasn't as scary as he seemed. He was still frightening of course, but not to the point where it was hard to be frank with him.

Letting himself relax completely, he rested the side of his cheek on his hand, "You're silly, you know that?"

You didn't respond, opening a ziplock bag full of grapes to finish for the rest of your lunch period. Then you quickly got to work, finding a satisfying position for your pencil to write perfectly. Yeonjun didn't mind either, following your lead, and picked up his pen once again. All that could be heard was either of you shuffling in your seat or the scribbling of your utensils.

20 minutes or so passed before the bell rang. You sighed in relief, flipping your wrist in circles as your fingers ached with the amount that you were writing. Yeonjun got up and shoved his papers in his bag, not caring that it would probably get lost in his sea of other school related stuff and definitely not weed.

You stood up as well, gathering your things together. "Thanks for working on this project with me. I know you'd prefer doing something else," you snuck a glance at his bag, "so it really means a lot."

Yeonjun smiled once again, a very contagious grin that had you trying to fight back your own.

"Anything for you, princess," he winked before walking away. You watched his back intently, his hands in his pocket as he lazily wandered through the bodies of students trying to step away. He probably was going to sneak out again. You giggled, rolling your eyes. There wasn't any reason to be scared of him anymore; yes, Choi Yeonjun was a bad boy but he was also somehow comforting and goofy.

─── ♔ ───

To your surprise, Yeonjun was fun to work with- at the dog shelter and on the school project. He would always find a way to make you smile whenever you were feeling down, incredibly considerate and sensitive to your feelings. You were shocked that Yeonjun had a sweet bone behind all that cologne and intimidation, finding time to strike up a conversation whenever you were near. Occasionally he would flirt here and there, making you roll your eyes, but he was absolutely great to be around. Tales of beating bad guys in alleyways was his main way of entertaining you, acting out scenes that seemed to be from fantasy stories while you watched and laughed. You weren't complaining though. Working with him was like a fun little secret- refreshing and hidden away.

While you were doing your daily routine which consisted of sweeping the dust particles on the cages, you noticed Yeonjun hissing in pain as he made work on wiping down the dog bowls. You turned around confused, raising an eyebrow when he quickly retracted his hand from the running water, flinging it around. You watched as small dots of red flew from his hand, quietly dropping onto the slightly yellow floor. The sight of Yeonjun groaning in pain had you extremely worried and you ran up to him, grabbing his hand.

As per usual, there were many cuts all around his right hand, decorating his pale skin in clusters. You examined it carefully, noticing a rather deep one that did not look too hot. It was still oozing blood, which meant that it was fresh. You glared at Yeonjun, who was staring right back at you with a confused expression on his face.

"Oh my gosh, what happened to you? Come on, let me grab the first aid kit."

...

"Sorry for getting blood all over the floor," he smiled weakly, watching you clean up his cuts with the utmost care. Barely acknowledging him, you sent a threatening look to warn him that he shouldn't be getting into fights. Instead you remained focused on the task, sighing as you cleaned up new and dried up blood. As expected, Yeonjun didn't take much care of himself. You were surprised that he was going on this long though, with such bad cuts like these. Some of them were already scarring, but it was still rather worrisome.

"So why do you have all these cuts on your hand?" You questioned, dipping a cotton ball into some gentle saline solution. The silence was rather peaceful and not awkwardly thick as you tried your best to clean up all his wounds, new and old.

Yeonjun, taken aback, wasn't expecting this from anyone- much less you whom he had met a couple weeks ago. He never really had anyone that worried about him or asked extensive questions about his wellbeing. So to see you there, making a fuss about how he should stop fighting, made him smile. He would be lying if he said his heart wasn't pounding in his chest. The way you were bent over, concentrated on every detail as you examined his hand made his ears burn.

"Are you listening, Yeonjun?" You tapped the cotton ball once again, focusing on the outer area. He hissed, the pain bringing him back to reality, "I was just out before coming in for the dog shelter. Really doesn't matter though."

You huffed, bringing the first aid kit closer to access more materials. Then you playfully hit the back of Yeonjun's other hand as a warning. "It does matter! You're here, all hurt with cuts on your hands!" Thank goodness the first aid kit came in clutch at the dog shelter; there was no way that frustrating guy would have taken care of these at home.

Yeonjun couldn't help but think you were cute as you crossed your arms, frustrated with how reckless he was being. He didn't seem to take you seriously, only smirking at your fret.

"You care about me, princess?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. What type of a question was that?

"Of course I do! You shouldn't be getting into these fights!" You yelled, berating him like a kid. Yeonjun only seemed to smile more as you motioned with your hands, trying to explain how dangerous the situations he was putting himself in. He clearly wasn't listening to a word you said, though you didn't pay much attention, yapping on and on about how he should stop being reckless. The whole time while you were speaking, you managed to wrap a gauze around Yeonjun's hand while he was silently admiring you, resting his cheek against his knuckles. Little by little his heart was softening although he wasn't aware of it yet.

"It just doesn't make sense to me," you sighed as your lips formed a disappointed straight line, "I just don't think it's worth it to get into fights with all these bruises and cuts after."

Yeonjun avoided the question, gazing at you instead of the cotton ball that you were dabbing on his gash. "Of course you wouldn't. I wouldn't expect a lady like you to like a fight."

Him calling you a lady had you blushing as you tried to focus on healing him. He would always flirt, but that didn't mean anything. He was the guy that got lots of attention anyway, so you were positive that this was one of his many lines. Not to mention you had a boyfriend as well.

Taking out multiple band-aids, you tried to distract your fast paced beating heart from collapsing. Eventually you gave up on the whole band-aid process, deciding that the gauze should hold up on the awkward spots better.

"Please just don't get into a fight again, Jun. And if you don't want to listen to me, just get into them less, please?" You looked up at him, noticing that he was uninterested, looking at the puppies that were scratching at the window to get out.

Realizing that he wasn't listening, you gasped and put all your strength into glaring at him. Yeonjun shook his head saying, "now don't get your panties in a twist," and you felt your feet failing you as you tried to get closer to chastise him. Your knees cracked in opposition as you felt yourself slowly falling back, tripping on your own feet. Luckily Yeonjun was quick on his own, free hand reaching out to gently grab you by the waist.

You felt his hand against the curve of your back, delicately holding you there as you tried to regain your strength. However since you were so embarrassed and absolutely stunned that he quickly caught you from falling, you stayed there for a moment, feeling your cheeks blaze with fire. It seemed like a scene from a movie, the way he was looking deeply into your eyes after grabbing your waist to keep you from falling. You gulped, averting your eyes from his intense gaze. "Yeonjun, I'm sorr-"

He only smirked, pulling you forward so you could stand on your own two feet, "come on, it's getting late. I'll take you home today in exchange for the care, okay doll?"

Your legs felt like jelly the rest of the night when he took you on his motorcycle, that ride not being the last.

─── ♔ ───

The month seemed to go by quickly, with minor hiccups here and there. Now you would catch Yeonjun at the shelter more often, helping around with filling the food trays or giving attention. There was less small talk and more deep conversations that had you on the edge of your chair. When there'd be a particularly good conversation with both of you laughing at a random story, either one of you would have to leave. It was quite a funny predicament; you never thought you would be talking to Choi Yeonjun face-to-face considering his reputation, more so wanting to get to know him better. So whenever you or he had to leave, you would feel disappointed, hoping there'd be a longer conversation next time.

As you were saying, the month passed normally until your boyfriend of two years broke up with you. It came as such a shock, since he was usually the one fighting and putting more effort into the relationship. You knew there had been more fights lately, but they definitely weren't enough to warrant a messy breakup with you pleading for another chance while he simply gave up. Perhaps the relationship had run its course, but all theories for your breakup went down the drain when you saw him with that same girl. Everything changed from that moment on; you knew that he was in love with her by his stare and the way he kissed her so delicately. It wasn't until a week later that they came out as a couple, compared to you who had a panic attack each day without his presence. There was no way he could have fallen in love with her in the span of 3 days; it just wasn't possible, knowing him. So you came to the conclusion that he cheated, as hard as that was to believe.

The proceeding days after were extremely hard. You couldn't bear going to school and having to see his face, not with the amount of embarrassment and heartbreak that weighed you down. Knowing that you were in 3 classes with him was too much. You knew you couldn't handle it. Volunteering at the dog shelter was hard as well because there was no motivation to get things finished. Everything reminded you of him, his memory weaving into the smallest things that would have you unable to function normally.

Even though he most likely cheated, you still wanted him back. Maybe it was due to dependency from those 2 years you were together, but it ached and rattled your bones each night you were alone.

Today, you were required at the dog shelter. School was different; you could make up work that Taehyun gave whenever he visited, but you couldn't help at the dog shelter from home. This led you to throw on your denim jacket, barely looking put together as you wiped dried mascara marks from under your eyes. You nearly had to hype yourself to show up, letting the visit be a quick thing before suffocating in the bed sheets again.

The bell rang from above you as you slowly turned the door, expecting at least one dog to strangle you with affection. You were rather surprised- and more so embarrassed when you saw Yeonjun instead, staring at you worriedly. Confusion and concern written on his eyebrows, he walked up to you wanting answers. You crumbled against his concerned gaze, suddenly insecure that you looked a mess with the frizzy hair and dark circles.

"Hey doll, is everything alright? What happened?"

"I'm-I'm fine. Nothing happened," you sniffled, trying to flash him a smile so he wouldn't worry. It didn't work by the look on his face. He reached out, grabbing your hand in his. If not for the massive heartbreak and ache in your chest, you probably would have been shy. But his concern only caused you to break into sobs, unable to hide the truth from him any longer.

"He cheated on me! Two years down the drain because he cheated on me!"

Yeonjun gasped, immediately opening his arms as you crashed against his firm chest. Needing the embrace and comfort more than anything, you let it all out, wailing out loud as if no one was near. You grabbed onto his leather jacket, the pain coursing through your Yeonjun wrapped his fingers in your hair, softly combing through the tangled mess as he whispered mindlessly.

"I'm sorry, princess," he hummed while you cried in his chest. His cologne, filling your nose, was actually super comforting at the moment, reminding you of fresh laundry as you tried not to smother his clothes in tears and snot. It was super embarrassing that he had to see you this way, but you knew he didn't mind by the way he was murmuring and holding you close. He was nearly rocking you at this point, hugging you tightly as you created a wet patch on his chest.

It was a while before you could regain your strength, sniffling and hiccupping as you struggled to do so. Yeonjun merely tucked a couple strands of hair behind your ear as you rubbed your puffy eyes. You barely got a sentence out because of the knot in the back of your throat.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know I would break down like that."

Yeonjun just shook his head, softly cupping your irritated cheek. He was so gentle with you, looking deeply in your eyes. You looked at his eyes, surprised to see that he actually cared. His eyes were tender with sympathy and unbeknownst to you- admiration as well. There was a slight smile on his face as he demanded no apologies, telling you that he didn't mind. This was the type of Yeonjun you were getting more used to, rather than the cold one that everyone feared. You were amazed at how different he was, sometimes even wondering if the way he acted with you was just a persona. But you knew him well enough that he wouldn't do that, and it was evident in the way he handled you softly as if you were a fragile little thing.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you as you tried to gather your thoughts. Being with Yeonjun made you feel ten times better, if not for the hole stretching in your chest. For a second there, you had almost forgotten to breathe, taken aback that he embraced you in the first place. Then your thoughts started twisting, being driven by vengeance and hurt. You began speaking without thinking, clenching your fists tightly.

"I want revenge."

Yeonjun bent down to look at you more clearly, seeing the hurt flow throughout your veins. You tensed, looking at the ground with a type of determination that he had never seen before. It would've been cute if it wasn't driven by hurt. Surprisingly, he was against it- after all, you were never the type to partake in such activities; in the strange friendship, you were definitely more rational than him.

"Revenge how? Princess, you can't do anything illegal."

You frowned, snapping out of your vengeful haze, "you're one to talk! You're always getting into fights!"

Yeonjun chuckled, shaking his head. This was no laughing matter for you and you started listing ideas like throwing eggs at his car (a classic), leaving instant mashed potato packs to rise on his front lawn (would it work?), sneaking into his house and putting fart spray on his clothes (super petty and wouldn't last long), or maybe...

The boy in front of you interrupted you once again, an amused smirk on his face. "I know, but we can't risk you going to jail. At least out of both of us, you can be saved."

Not knowing what he meant by that, you just sighed in defeat.

"Fine. But what's something legal that will hurt him just as much?"

Revenge was never good in the long run even if it caused peace for just a little bit. You knew you would still have the same sinking and suffocating feeling every morning you woke up, but you were desperate to have some of that peace for now. Why did he have to be happy while you were out there suffering? It didn't make sense. He was in the relationship too. The only problem was how though...

You looked at Yeonjun once again, noticing the mischievous glint in his eye. You knew him well enough to know that he was going to suggest an idea, but what came out of his lips next was something you never would've expected.

"Hmm... how about fake dating? It's not illegal, but I do know that as a guy, it'll hurt him."

Thank goodness Yeonjun wasn't the rational one in your friendship. Typically all of your friends would advise against revenge, but hearing his words was super refreshing. Plus, fake dating wouldn't hurt any of you, just your ex who used to be possessive of your every move. And deep down in your heart as well, you hoped that him seeing you with another guy would bring him back to his senses, back to you at least.

Yeonjun watched you perk up as you enthusiastically agreed. You clasped your hands together, thanking him for a wonderful idea before it struck you that he probably had an ulterior motive behind it. Either way, you didn't seem to mind because he was doing you a big favor by pretending to be your boyfriend for a little while. Still, you felt obliged to ask.

"But what would this bring you though? I'm really grateful, but I can't help but wonder why you would want this?"

He thought about your question for a moment and gave a shy smile. "Well, I just need a person to introduce to my parents so they'd get off my back. Would that be fine with you?" His tone was off but you still agreed anyway. The task seemed simple enough. Actually, it was a good bargain on your end!

Then he cleared his throat, adjusting his leather jacket awkwardly before saying, "One rule though. No falling in love." Stretching out his hand, he waited for you to shake it.

You raised an eyebrow, surprised that he would suggest that. There's no way that you would fall in love with Yeonjun. Maybe a couple times you caught yourself staring, but it really wasn't that serious. It wasn't romantic love, just admiration for his beauty. What you guys had was a strange friendship to the outsiders; however, you knew you both cared a lot for each other. Happily you shook Yeonjun's wrapped up hand- something you were proud of yourself for doing- and sealed the deal. If all you had to do was not fall in love and meet his parents, you were up for the easy challenge.

Yeonjun grinned, his wide smile causing your heart to flutter. Maybe your body was already betraying you, the way it was reacting to any small action of his. But you coined it as just the fact that he was attractive and nothing more. It wouldn't take a genius to know that the bad boy Choi Yeonjun was incredibly handsome.

"Great! Let's start tomorrow. There's a big party and I can bet you that your dumbass ex will be there," he winked, putting his hands in his pockets. Off the bat you groaned- not because you didn't want to hang out with Yeonjun, but because you didn't want to be there in the first place. Being at home with a tub of ice cream was always going to be better but revenge could never wait. This was the peace you were waiting for, and you were desperate to have it.

─── ♔ ───

Getting ready for the party was strenuous, given that you had no motivation to do anything. You wanted so badly just to stay inside and wallow in your sadness, but the only thing stopping you was a certain black haired boy who somehow wanted you to succeed with your revenge. There's no way you could avoid this party, even if you begged him. Today you would put on your best act, pretending like you were a happy girlfriend instead of a person that constantly thought of your cheater of an ex.

You were going over the details of your makeup, brushing some luminescent highlighter over your cheekbones when you heard the doorbell ring. Sighing, you set down the brush before getting up on your feet. Running down the stairs, you quickly smoothed down your outfit nervously, hoping that you still didn't look like a mess. You didn't dress super fancily, but nice enough that you felt confident and cute. When you hesitantly opened the door, you were more than surprised to see Yeonjun with a genuine smile on his face, holding a daisy expectantly. Your cheeks flared- was bringing a flower really necessary? It's not like you were going on an actual date. Regardless, you appreciated the gesture anyway.

Yeonjun, seeming to sense your confusion, merely reached out his hand to your hair, slipping the flower in the crack of your ear. You felt your stomach flutter at his actions as his hand lingered, moving down to rub your cheek a little bit.

"If we're going to fake date at this party, we might as well start practicing now," he paused for a moment, holding his breath, "but you look beautiful tonight, doll."

"O-oh yeah. Thanks and for the flower too," you said, sending him a shy smile. He always knew the right words to say, but you were confused with your heart picking up the pace. And why were you stuttering? It wasn't like he made you nervous...

You stepped out into the crisp night while Yeonjun closed the door behind you. It was late enough into the evening where you could barely see anything, the fireflies and streetlights being the only light to help your vision. Wondering how he got there, you squinted your eyes at the driveway when lo and behold, you saw his ride.

It hadn't been the first time that you rode his motorcycle. It was probably the third time, actually. But you remembered the first time very clearly, the way he offered to take you home after you wrapped his wounded hand. It wasn't like you were scared to ride on it, rather it was the fact that you would have to hold onto Yeonjun's waist and stay close to him. The thought had your ears burning but when it inevitably came to fruition a mere seconds later, you felt more free as you rode into the night.

...

You were quite nervous when you went into the party, but thank goodness Yeonjun was there to calm your nerves. He was really understanding about your anxiety, soothing you by keeping a hand on the lower part of your back throughout the whole time. You were pleasantly surprised that he didn't leave you to meet up with his friends or other girls, instead introducing you to them and you doing the same with your friends. He seemed to be taking the fake dating very seriously, which was a shock because he was typically mischievous.

When people saw you two at the party together, most jaws had dropped. Yeonjun had never brought a girl anywhere; actually, he left with one most of the time. So to see him holding you close, almost possessively, you became the hottest topic of conversation throughout the whole house. Whenever you passed by, people would gasp or look at you questioningly. Most of the girls seemed to be upset, looking you up and down to soften the blow that Yeonjun didn't want them.

Naturally, you gravitated towards your best friend, Taehyun whose eyes immediately widened once seeing you. You laughed as he lectured you, asking many questions as to how and why this happened. You weren't a fool; you knew that Taehyun didn't approve solely because of Yeonjun's reputation. But that was what best friends did, looking out for the other in the best way possible.

Yeonjun's arm lazily dropped around your shoulder caused you to shuffle awkwardly as you started to introduce the two. Taehyun raised an eyebrow, saying that they have already met thanks to a school project. Yeonjun remained sheepish anyway, insisting that they hadn't even spoken before. The interaction between your best friend and fake boyfriend was hilarious and you had tears in your eyes. Then in a flooding memory, you remembered how Yeonjun knew your name, even though you never spoke before. How did he know?

Yeonjun stepped away for a moment when he saw his friend, Soobin, giving you a moment to talk to Taehyun. Though you weren't scared, you could tell that he was a little upset with the way he crossed his arms expectantly.

"So... why Yeonjun?'

That was such an easy question. Why Yeonjun? Being your fake boyfriend, of course. Because behind that cold exterior, he was super sweet and caring once you got to know him.

"Yeonjun is just really wonderful to me, Tae. He's super sweet once you get to know him," you answered genuinely, glancing at Yeonjun laughing at his friends. It was refreshing how much he smiled there, since in public, he would be cold and keep quiet to himself.

Taehyun considered your answer carefully before letting out a sigh.

"I don't know him that well, honestly, so I'm worried. Also, you might be going too fast because I thought the other day, you were hung over your ex still?"

His words sunk in, and you pursed your lips. If you and Yeonjun were actually dating, then it definitely would be moving too fast. But there were no consequences and no feelings when it came to fake dating, right? It was so hard lying to your best friend that you could trust with anything. You wanted so badly to tell Taehyun that it was all fake but you were pretty sure that was an unspoken rule between you and Yeonjun. He wouldn't tell anyone either but the truth could possibly get around somehow. Instead you just flashed him a tight smile, trying to convince him of a lie.

"I'm not anymore. Yeonjun was just there to comfort me and I fell in love with him." The words seemed to leave your lips more naturally than you thought, even convincing you as you told Taehyun a big fat lie. Part of what you said was the truth anyway, minus falling in love and not being over your ex... which was 75% of the sentence. Soon you felt Yeonjun come near you, his cologne lingering in the air which notified you that he was there. He wrapped his arms around your waist gently, hugging you from the back as he rested his chin on your head.

"Talking about me, princess?" He murmured, pressing a lazy kiss against your head, "let's go over there near the drinks."

You whipped your head around to what he was talking about, your eyes soon being pulled to your ex. You grimaced, internally dying as you saw him tug his girl closer by the waist. How could they be doing that in public, right in front of you? Did they have no remorse? You felt your throat become parched at the scene, begging for some drinks as you died watching.

Yeonjun, noticing the tension in your body, just held you close before covering your eyes with his wrapped up hand. You squealed, asking Yeonjun what he was doing as he watched them carefully and calculatingly. Soon enough, he was dragging you near the drinks where your ex and his new girl were. Your bones cracked in protest as you tried to stay where you were, the spot that kept you safe to watch them. Unfortunately you were now close, probably only 10 feet away from the foul scene.

"Follow my lead," Yeonjun whispered in your ear, his head dropping to meet your level. You felt your eyes falling into his as he leaned in closer, pressing a chaste kiss beside your lips. His lips were soft against your cheek as he stayed put, counting in his head for a couple seconds as you blushed furiously. You hoped he wouldn't feel the heat from your face as you tried to concentrate on the two silhouettes behind him. To anyone near, it looked like he was kissing you blatantly.

It seemed that his plan worked because you soon heard your ex grumbling to go somewhere else. You internally rejoiced as they walked away and you knew by the looks of his face that he was bothered by your fake kiss with Yeonjun. You smiled all the more when you saw Yeonjun, also grinning from ear to ear.

Excitement rushed through your body as you hopped up in glee, squealing that the plan had worked! Tonight was a success! And although there would always be the familiar ache in your stomach from witnessing your ex being affectionate with another girl, you still won- of course, thanks to Yeonjun. He chuckled as you, without thinking, grabbed his hands and started to sway both of your arms together.

"Jjunie, we did it! I think we made him jealous!"

He couldn't stop laughing now, giggling at how cute you were. You thought that his laughter was due to your ex's silly reaction, not knowing that he found you to be completely endearing. The rest of the night you were jumping up and down, ecstatic whilst Yeonjun accompanied your side. He never went wandering off even if his friends were there, keeping a close eye on you as you talked to Taehyun or wanted another drink. This was entirely out of character for him, and it was all because of you. Somehow, his iceberg heart had melted, becoming warm with love.

─── ♔ ───

It was 3pm, marking the ending of the school day where everyone would be rushing to get home or continue with extracurricular activities. In just 2 hours, the school would become completely silent as no student used the building at the time. You had just finished a second make up test, thanks to your absence in the last week. You hadn't known everything, causing you to turn in the test with some blank answers and definitely some incorrect ones.

It didn't matter though. One bad grade didn't mean you messed up the whole semester, as you were in a good place from before your ex broke up with you. You took your bag, darting out of the room, before you could see your teacher's reaction at your disappointing scores. As you walked tiredly throughout the hall, you noticed that one of the doors was slightly opened. This was strange since locking the doors was mandatory for teachers when they were closing up their part of the building. You quietly walked up to the door, wanting to be a great help and close it, but stopped in your tracks when you noticed quiet sniffles coming from inside.

You raised an eyebrow, confused. The sniffles sounded like a kitten whining for its mother, but that would be impossible. An animal couldn't get into the school easily, marking off that theory and meaning that there was a person in there. But why would anyone be here at the end of the day at 5pm when everyone was already home? And a better question, was someone crying there? You made sure to open the door as quietly as you could, and what was in front of you caused you to freeze in place.

Sitting in the seat near the corner of the room was Yeonjun, a few tears running down his cheeks as he tried to muffle his cries with his bandaged hand. His eyes were puffy and his lips were swollen and red, which meant that he had been crying for a while before you came in. Now you had seen all sides of Yeonjun, from his icy exterior to his smile and now, his tears. Seeing how weak and vulnerable he was made your heart shatter in your chest; wasn't he invincible? Clearly not, and you knocked on the door softly, hoping that it wouldn't scare him away.

He noticed your presence immediately, seeing you linger at the door with hesitation. He wiped his tears away quickly, pressing on a fake smile as you walked to his seat.

"Oh, it's just you, princess" he sniffled, rubbing his eyes with his non-dominant hand, "what are you doing here? It's already 5pm and you should be home." Despite his usual unmoving appearance, he worried about you and it was clear that there was concern cut in his words. Normally he wasn't the type to worry about others before himself, much less not become angry when they witnessed him become vulnerable, but here you were, breaking all of his walls.

You took a seat next to him, pursing your lips. Of course he wouldn't acknowledge his tears in front of you. But you just sighed, sending him a look that you knew that he was crying.

"What?" He groaned, deciding to look out the window instead of you. No one had witnessed him this way before, so he wasn't going to completely cry in front of you.

"Yeonjun, what's wrong?"

He remained silent, ignoring you. If you kept this up, then-

You grabbed his hand, trying to coax it out of him. "Yeonjun, I'm worried, so please tell me what's wrong."

As if the swipe of your thumb over the back of his hand had finally broken down the dam, Yeonjun started crying again, letting his bottled emotions out. You sat there quietly, looking at your hands clasped together while he cried it out. You were very concerned as to why he was crying and he tried to explain, but the bulge in the back of his throat made it difficult. Finally when he had calmed down, you passed him a tissue from the teacher's table in the back, letting him blow his nose as his voice wobbled.

"I don't know, princess, I... I just feel lonely. It seems as though I have friends like you know, Soobin, but I don't have a person who's my true best friend. Anyone I've met is either scared of me or wants to fight me. Seeing everyone have their own person while I have no one really hurts," he croaked, trying not to let the knot in the back of his throat disrupt his words. You watched him carefully, too scared that doing anything would break his fragile manner even more. His words sunk in and you felt your eyes also pooling with tears. The infamous Choi Yeonjun was in front of you, breaking down, and you never would have guessed the reason why.

The only thing that felt right was opening your arms and beckoning Yeonjun to come to you. He hesitated for a second before crashing into your embrace, his face pressed up against your chest as you rubbed circles on his back. He gripped the back of your shirt tightly, teeth clenching as he let out the remaining emotions. Hearing and feeling him cry broke your heart a thousand times more than whatever hurt you felt before.

If people knew what Yeonjun was like- playful and sweet, then they would have loved him. He wasn't just the scary guy that glared at others who looked at him weird. He also wasn't a person to be scared of, despite the amount of fights he got in. Behind his built walls and cold exterior- that was only for show anyway- was a vulnerable guy who needed love just as every other person needed. It was true for you. You... loved Yeonjun? It was a strange sentence. You never would have thought you would say something like that because the two of you came from different worlds. But here you were, comforting the sweetest guy who needed companionship. You loved Yeonjun and after all that he did for you, you wanted to cheer him up.

"Yeonjun," you made him look at you, bravely cupping his cheeks with all your courage, "I'm your friend. I will always be here, no matter what happens."

His lips, naturally pouty, were still quite red and puffy but he managed to grin at you. His smile was a true one; you could tell that he was genuinely grateful for you. Kisses must have been his way of affection because he pressed one against your cheek softly before looking at you again. You hoped he wouldn't see the red spread across your cheeks like jam.

"Thank you, doll. Thank you for being my friend."

He wrapped his arms around you this time, content with you against his chest. His words repeated like a mantra in your head and your eyes widened at how fast your heart was beating. Maybe you had been in denial before, or maybe you just realized now.

As you felt Yeonjun's comforting cologne fill your nose in the silent classroom, you realized you wanted to stay there forever, in his arms. Friends wouldn't say that, not even if they were a physically affectionate person, much less you.

Were you possibly falling in love with Yeonjun?

Fuck.

─── ♔ ───

This was the first time that you were staying over at Yeonjun's, needing to complete the project for the final grade on Friday. This was the only weekend where both of you were free at the same time, so you decided that it was time to finish the assignment once and for all. Unfortunately, the library was closed, so that meant you had to work somewhere else. Your house wasn't open, mostly because you didn't want to feel embarrassed for bringing a boy home even though it was just a project, which led you to choose Yeonjun's house. Plus, sooner or later he would have to introduce you to his parents, completing the other part of the deal.

That being said, being with Yeonjun was becoming increasingly harder. Trying not to let your gaze linger, trying to think of something else when he was near so you wouldn't become hot and bothered, trying not to freak out, all of that stuff, was so hard- just so he wouldn't be able to tell that you probably had a crush on him. You were doing your best to push it down because you couldn't break one of the only rules: don't fall in love with him. You were just friends and he made that rule in the first place, which meant that he didn't see you romantically at all. But being near him at school and the dog shelter brought you back to your newfound realization every time.

It was the small little things that inevitably made you fall harder each day. His fox-like smile, extremely mischievous and charming whenever he teased you sunk your heart to death even more. The deep timbre of his voice which used to be comforting was now heart attack inducing. It didn't help that you were fake dating as well, and sometimes the sweet things he said in front of other people would have you believing that it was real. You were wrapped around Yeonjun's finger of cuts, and you couldn't do anything to escape.

You stood nervously in front of his house, holding a box of apples that you bought an hour prior. You weren't sure if apples were the right fruit since there were better options like watermelon or oranges, but they were Yeonjun's favorite fruit. Honestly, you weren't sure if the fruit was for Yeonjun or his parents. However, you would still look pretty good in front of his parents even though the whole relationship was orchestrated. Besides that, the perfectionist in you wanted things to go absolutely flawless today.

Before even ringing the bell, the door opened and there stood Yeonjun rubbing the sleepiness in his eyes. He stumbled at the door, clearly tired, in only a black tank and plaid pajamas. His hair was messy thanks to moving between the pillows and comforter, giving him a big case of bed head. Despite how unprepared he was, he was breathtaking, standing in front of you and gazing at you with hooded eyes. It was 11am, but he was never a morning person, always sleeping in whenever he got the chance.

You felt embarrassed holding the apples that he never asked you to bring, and you cleared your throat.

"Were you sleeping? Sorry for waking you, we can arrange another time-"

He giggled, hands moving to grab onto the box to steady your shaking hands. You ignored the way his warm fingers splayed over yours for just a second before snatching his favorite fruit away. You noticed that he wasn't wearing the gauze anymore which meant that it had healed, despite previous scars being there.

"Don't be nervous, princess. My parents will love you just like me," he winked and your heart involuntarily flipped at both his words and wink. Why did he have to say things like that? He knew girls were weak for him, and now you weren't even an exception with the way he was treating you. But you pushed it away again as many times as you had done before, stepping into his house and quietly closing the door.

As soon as you walked in, Yeonjun's parents came running to the door with such excitement that you almost toppled over. They started shaking your hand, clearly very happy that Yeonjun brought a girl home. You laughed at their enthusiasm, trying to get a word in to their questions while Yeonjun watched silently, a proud smile on his face.

"Thank you for the apples! Gosh, can't believe our Yeonjun got such a pretty and sweet girl," his mom cried, pure shock on her face. She cupped your cheeks tightly, examining your face thoroughly and happily. She smelled faintly of oranges and laundry detergent. On the other hand, Mr. Choi was quiet, humming contently. It made you wonder how well they worked together, despite being polar opposites.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes jokingly, too happy with their satisfaction to take offense at her words, "of course, mom, but we really have to-"

"Oh! You guys are doing a project, right?" She squealed, taking away the apples and interrupting him, "Yeonjun, you should show her your room, but please leave the door open. I don't want any grand kids now." She winked and Yeonjun groaned. You felt your cheeks heat up at her words wanting to prove her worries wrong before you felt Yeonjun's hand grip yours. He quickly led you to his room, trying to hide his dusted red cheeks and embarrassment.

...

"Y/NNNN, we've been at this forever. How much research are we going to do?" Yeonjun whined, rubbing his hands down his face. Legs draping over the edge of the bed and his stomach on the mattress, his body splayed lazily against the fluffy pillows. You snuck a glance at him from beside the laptop that you had been furiously typing away at. It had only been an hour since you got to work, a comfortable silence enveloping between the two of you as you tried to finish the project. Despite multiple meet ups, the progress wasn't substantial. Perhaps that was because you and Yeonjun got carried away most of the time, deciding to procrastinate and talk instead of completing boring work.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose hopelessly. It was only a matter of time before he started whining, and you guessed the time was now, an hour in. "Jun, we've barely gotten anything done! This project will be due soon, so we have to finish it today," you scolded, trying to finish the last note on the document.

Yeonjun's desk was really comfortable and you wondered why he wouldn't do his schoolwork with a nice table and chair like this. It felt like your bottom was on clouds as you immediately got comfortable, gathering some motivation to finally get to work. Well, it was schoolwork after all and Yeonjun thought there were better things to do. But with such a comfy desk and great atmosphere in the room, you supposed you could do lots of your work without interruption.

Surprisingly, Yeonjun was actually cleaner than most guys. His room smelled of his cologne of course, but still pretty clean. You weren't even sure how to put it, but you loved it because it smelled like him. Very comforting and musky.

Yeonjun just groaned, interrupting you from your thoughts that incessantly kept rambling about him. "Please, princess? Let's take a break for 5 minutes."

You were sure you wouldn't hear the end of it if you decided to ignore him, so you closed your laptop begrudgingly. You were just starting to get into the groove of things and hopefully could pick it back up later. 5 minutes definitely wouldn't be just 5 minutes since Yeonjun would indefinitely find a way to distract you.

You stood up, expecting to roam the hallways with him but he simply patted the spot beside him on the bed. Inviting you to sit next to him, he shimmied over and you sat down a couple inches away. You avoided eye contact so that he wouldn't see your embarrassment and of course not hear your heart hammering aggressively in your chest. That would be too embarrassing.

You cleared your throat, saying the first thing in mind without thinking. "So... how many girls have you brought in here?" When the words flew out of your lips, you covered your mouth, shocked that you had actually said it. It's not like you were dying to know, but when you first entered his super clean room, it was one of the first thoughts you had. Typically a teenage boy's room would be a little messy, but it seems like Yeonjun had taken care of things despite his nature.

He laughed and you felt relief spread through your chest. Thank goodness he found it funny and not offensive.

"Do you really think that of me? Y/N, you're the first girl that's ever been to my room."

That statement made you feel special more than anything. Before you and Yeonjun had officially met in the dog shelter, you saw him with a bunch of girls. Whenever you went to a party with your ex, you would often see his arm wrapped around a random girl. The girl changed every time you saw him, so you were extremely surprised to know that you were probably the first girl from school in his house. And though your appearance in his room was only for a dumb school project, you pretended that you were special.

"I don't know," you smiled, trying to stifle a giddy giggle, "I used to see you with girls a lot, so I just assumed that, you know..."

He finished your sentence before you could, "No, doll. We're dating now, remember? I'm not going to be with any other girl but you."

But you.

You gulped, trying not to let it affect you. He was naturally flirty, so his words didn't mean anything. You were trying to not fall for him even more, but he knew the exact words to your heart. Gosh, why did he have to be so perfect?

You didn't know what to say to that, repeating his statement in your head over and over again. Yeonjun didn't seem to notice your dilemma, instead curiosity egging him on to ask, "why do you still love him?"

Your eyebrows raised and you looked at him, not expecting a question like that from out of the blue. He had always been really interested in your personal life, sometimes asking questions like what's your favorite childhood memory or place to visit, but they were never really deep like that question.

You cleared your throat, putting your clasped hands on your lap. "I don't know why I still do. We've been dating so long that it feels like I can't live without him."

"But do you love him?" He asked, eyebrows knit together in confusion. He accentuated the word love, a desperate tone in his voice that you couldn't quite put a finger on but knew was there. Even you didn't know the answer yourself, fumbling over your words as you tried to reason with the voice in your head that wanted to say no. It was too soon to say anything or make a standpoint but you knew Yeonjun knew what you were thinking by his intense, driven expression.

"He doesn't deserve you, Y/N," he whispered, his face suspiciously inching closer to yours, "I hope you know that." You remained shocked at the dwindling proximity between the two of you, too stunned to do anything. He seemed to be getting closer by the second, watching you carefully for any sudden move. Then, his lips ghosted near yours, held back by hesitation and indecision. He was close enough where you could feel his breath fan against your cheeks, his nose barely touching yours as he gazed deeply into your eyes.

You instinctively jumped away, instantly on your feet as you laughed nervously.

"I'll, uh, get some apples!"

...

You rushed downstairs in a trance, too shaken up to realize what you had done in the first place. There was no way he was about to kiss you, right? But why was he hovering so close to you, giving you those eyes?! Your heart somehow beat faster. He was this close to kissing you. It made you all the more confused about his feelings and you stood in the stairway like a statue, pressing your trembling hand against your lips.

You finally came back to the current world when you saw Yeonjun's parents staring at you, confused. They were sitting at the dinner table, slicing some apples which you assumed to be for you and Yeonjun as snacks after studying for an hour. Yeonjun's mom raised her elbow, gesturing you to come over.

You inhaled deeply to get some air in, smoothing out your bottoms as you walked up to them.

"Are you feeling hungry? We cut up some apples for you and Jun, if you'd like."

You smiled at her then admired the delicate cuts of the apples. The fruit was nicely cut, spread out in a platter with some peanut butter in the middle. They even cut the skin off too, although it wasn't necessary.

The apples looked so wonderful that you kept admiring them, unable to find the right words to express your gratitude.

"Oh goodness, thank you so much! They look great! I'll bring it up to Yeonjun," you gawked, grabbing the plate and examining it.

His mom smiled warmly, setting the knife down onto the lacy tablecloth. "He really likes you, Y/N. We've never seen him this way before- all warm and sweet- so thank you."

Feeling shaky while holding the plate, you did your best to steady your trembling legs up the stairs. Her words repeated in your head like a broken record as you brought the apples up to Yeonjun who was eagerly waiting for your arrival, despite the haunting project.

─── ♔ ───

Tonight was the second night that you were going to make your ex jealous. You weren't really looking forward to it; after a while, you realized that you didn't feel anything for him and it was becoming exhausting having to hold a front. The guy was in the back of your head and barely there in the first place unless someone asked about your heart. Instead, all you could think about was Yeonjun. Almost everyday the two of you were together, making up new inside jokes and going to restaurants. It seemed so natural being with him that you forgot that the relationship was merely an agreement.

Though you knew he cared for you, you were pretty sure that he didn't have any feelings whatsoever. Sure he was flirty here and there but that was just who he was. But you knew he still cared. It was evident in the way he treated you, making sure you were always comfortable at parties or at his place. One time when you lost your favorite bracelet at the dog shelter, he took his motorcycle late at night and looked everywhere even though one of the dogs had it in its mouth and ran away with it. That was one of the sweetest things he had done for you, besides countless others. But that didn't mean he loved you, not romantically at least. You were just his friend anyway.

That being said, behind closed doors where you were just friends was unbearable. You weren't sure how much longer you could hide it; he was always in your thoughts like a ghost and the building chemistry between the two of you would soon give away your feelings. In public he was always holding your hand or even kissing your forehead depending on who was watching and each time you would fall a little more.

Today wasn't an exception, thankfully. As per usual, Yeonjun picked you up to go to Jackson Wang's party (sorry yall, I just had to), the reason partly being that you were going to make your ex jealous again. The other reason was that you two wanted to hang out, something that you did nearly everyday. It may have been hard to believe since it seemed that Yeonjun and you came from opposite worlds, but being him with him was like breathing; it was so habitual and natural that it felt wrong if he was away.

Yeonjun led you towards the drinks after you asked for a beer, hand holding yours tightly as if you would easily get lost. You noted how well his hand fit in yours, memorizing every finger that wound through the gaps of your hand. His hand was so warm, causing your body temperature to heat up as you tried to get a hold of yourself and not give away your feelings.

"Don't drink too much now, okay, princess? I don't want you throwing up on the way home," he handed you a red cup before gently patting the top of your head. You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes to which he chuckled at. Unbeknownst to you, he kept thinking of how endearing you were.

"I won't," you giggled naughtily, knowing that you would most likely go against his words, "Aren't you going to drink as well?"

Even though he was your "boyfriend," you wouldn't let him dictate how much fun you were going to have. After all, it was a party and with him by your side the entire night, you knew were going to have the time of your life.

Yeonjun shook his head, scrunching his nose in disgust. "No. I'm taking you home, so I'm not going to get drunk and possibly have you hurt." He said those words as if it were fact, upset that you would even ask that in the first place. He truly, really cared about your well-being; didn't you see that? Anything that would put you in danger was an immediate no, despite how much trouble he got into.

You felt your heart pick up pace and you shook your head at how your body reacted. It was so hard to hide how fluttery you felt and drinking definitely wouldn't help. You decided to ignore it instead, drawing circles around the rim of the cup.

"What time do you think we'll be home? I have to get up early to help the dog shelter tomorrow," you continued to carry on the conversation, leaning against the wall as you took a sip from the cup. It burned your throat and you gagged, feeling the contents spill down and leave a trail of flames.

The colorful neon lights flashed against Yeonjun's face as he laughed at your reaction, grabbing your cup as you coughed aggressively to get the burning sensation out as best you could. He steadied himself against the wall too, one shoulder against it as he shifted his body weight to his right.

"Don't worry, princess. We'll be home at a reasonable time. I need to help my little corgis tomorrow too."

You watched him expectantly while he eyed your drink. With no hesitation, he took a swig himself, not taking a sip like you. You flushed at how willingly he drank from your cup, seemingly not caring that it was an indirect kiss. When he came up for air, letting the drink drip against his throat as he finished it all, you were not super shocked that he remained unfazed. He just wiped his lips with his thumb, proudly slamming the cup against the table as if it was a competition.

Rolling your eyes, you looked at the cup that was completely empty. "Hey! That was supposed to be mine! And you're not supposed to be drinking."

He giggled, one hand covering his mouth and the other thrown up in guilt. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you laughed with him, genuinely not upset that he drank all of the alcohol as long as he made it up to you.

"I'll get you another one right now, I promise. And you of all people should know that I don't get drunk; I'm a heavyweight!" What he said was true. Considering the amount of alcohol that he drank, you were actually surprised that he didn't just drop down and throw up after 3 cups. That was Yeonjun though, your boy full of surprises each incoming day.

He grabbed your hand with the vacant one, bringing you closer to press a tender kiss against your forehead. You smiled brightly, feeling his presence envelop you completely with him so near. You swore you could stay like this forever and it seemed as if the world slipped away as he held you close. A few seconds later he reluctantly pulled away, winking with a cup in hand. You waved him a shy goodbye, smiley and smitten as you tried to bite back an excited grin.

You felt someone tap on your shoulder and you turned around, not expecting who it was. There you stood face to face with Taehyun who seemed to be watching the two of you a while ago. The look on his face told you everything- he approved of Yeonjun which was a sweet relief because he was your best friend. You squealed as you hugged him excitedly, euphoria coursing through your veins as you pushed back the thought that the whole relationship was fake.

...

It had been about 30 minutes since Yeonjun was away. At first you weren't concerned, but started to worry down the line. He never took that long from you when you went somewhere together, especially not at a party. At max it would be 10 minutes, so you couldn't help but wonder where he was, wandering hopelessly through the bodies of people swaying to the beat. You huffed, not finding him anywhere until you went upstairs with her.

"Yeonjun?" You called him, your voice too soft for him to hear. You were a bit far and it didn't help that there was blasting music and deafening shouts from time to time.

Blinking your eyes a couple times to make sure that what you were seeing was right, you looked at the scene in front of you, jaw dropped. Not only were you astounded that he had been away for so long with her, but also at how beautiful she was. Her hair, glowing against the dim light of the hallway, was absolutely mesmerizing and perfectly voluminous. Her silhouette, curving in such a way that made you cover your stomach ashamedly, was near impossible and you wondered how someone could be as thin as that. Ah yes, the girl that Yeonjun was talking to was one of his older exes, confident and pretty as could be.

Involuntarily you felt tears prickling at your eyes as you couldn't take your eyes off of them. If they were a couple again, they would be unstoppable. Yeonjun was incredibly handsome and she was incredibly gorgeous. She was exactly his type: mature, older, probably funny and of course, beautiful. You knew how much he loved her in the past before they labeled themselves as "incompatible," calling it off because of how much they were arguing.

Unfortunately and against your wishes, you were particularly upset, watching your "boyfriend" talk to one of his exes in the past. It's no surprise that Yeonjun has a line of girls that he has linked up with, but it still got to you. There was no reason to, but because of your feelings, you felt a massive hole in your heart. Lying and saying you were merely upset because his conversation with his ex would ruin your image wouldn't be the truth. You were upset because you wanted him to be with you, talking to you with that mischievous fox-like smile of his.

You took a swig of the alcohol bottle on the floor, not caring that it could potentially be drugged or dangerous. The alcohol burned your throat as you drizzled it down, but that didn't matter. It didn't compare to the amount of hurt you felt wholly in your chest, lingering without shame. The way he was blatantly gazing at her like he was in love had your grip tightening around the red cup. As selfish as it was, it was supposed to be you. He was supposed to look at you like that, not her! You were sure she probably saw you staring at this point, but again, you didn't care. Insecurities flowing through your whole body, you looked them up and down no matter how much it hurt to do so. Besides you weren't even with him, there was no reason to be upset.

It wasn't until you felt two fingers tapping on your shoulder that you turned around quickly, anger in your steps. You squinted your eyes, thinking the drink was blurring your vision and causing you to have illusions. However, the person who tapped on your shoulder was indeed your ex, a grimace on his face as he looked between you and Yeonjun who was speaking to his ex.

"What do you want?!" You spat out venomously, trying not to let the animosity slip out of you. You couldn't handle another burden at this point- let there be too much and you would explode.

He sighed, putting his hands up cautiously. There was something off about him, but you couldn't put a finger on it. You were more surprised that he came to talk to you, given that he was ignoring you for the past couple of the month that he was with that girl.

"Nothing," he gulped nervously, "I just.. wanted to know. Are you happy with Yeonjun?"

You raised an eyebrow at his question, not expecting anything like that. It took a moment for his words to sink in and you furrowed your eyebrows this time, taking a step back.

"Of course I am," the words rolled off your tongue immediately although you weren't particularly happy with him at that instant, "why are you asking?"

He nervously rocked back and forth, finding it hard to look in your eyes. There was a moment of awkward silence between the two of you and he cleared his throat, speaking up.

"Y/N, I miss you. I just can't get you out of my head, and I don't know why. I want you back and I shouldn't have ever left you in the first place," he admitted quietly, finding it hard to say. He scratched the back of his neck as your throat went dry, jaw dropping at his words. This had to be a prank; considering how happy he looked with that girl a week earlier, there was no way he'd be saying something like that now.

Your breath hitched in your throat and you started to back away, wanting to get away from him. "No fucking way. You're not allowed to say that and you have no right. You're horrible."

When you took a step back, he started going towards you, trying to calm you down. He was foolish; of course that action didn't help and you felt your steps quicken before you were backed up against a wall.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It was really wrong and I know that now. I shouldn't have done it, but now I know I want you."

Your insides twisted in protest, the bile on the tip of your tongue as you yelled, "you cheated on me! We have nothing now, and I'm with Yeonjun!"

He didn't seem to take the hint but stepped backwards enough to give you space. You felt confined; he was the only one that you could see in your blurred line of vision. His presence was suffocating, but he failed to realize that.

"We will always have something, Y/N. We dated for such a long time that feelings can't go away so easily."

You scoffed, crossing your arms. He was such a hypocrite.

"Everything died when you got with her. I don't want to be with you anymore, so please just leave me alone."

As hurt as he was by your words, he wasn't going to give up so easily- which wasn't surprising given how stubborn he was. He roughly grabbed your arms, puckering his lips as if a kiss would fix your hurt, insecurities, guilt- everything. You gagged, holding your breath and shaking your head as his grip tightened against your wrists. He was a mere inch away when you felt the air pull from in front of you, and you stood face to face with Yeonjun whose chest was heaving as your ex fell to the floor.

It all happened in a millisecond: your ex holding his cheek with hurt written all over his face as he looked between the two of you. You ran to Yeonjun's side, holding his arm as he examined the hand that threw a punch. There was a slight frown on his face but more than anything you could tell that he was angry, judging by how his shoulders tensed in the dim light.

Lots of people started chanting for a fight, pulling up their phones and flashlights as your ex scrambled to get on his feet. Yeonjun got into position, ready to throw another one until he felt you weakly pull at his arm with tears in your eyes. His muscles relaxed immediately and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. All he wanted was for you to be safe and even though he never forfeited from a fight, you were his top priority.

Your mind was cloudy as he led you out of the party, pushing people away so that you could make it through without getting lost. He made sure that you were okay, looking at you every second as he took you to the door and into the chilly, crisp night.

...

Yeonjun remained silent, jaw clenching as he took you to his motorcycle. You didn't bother saying anything, trying to focus on your breath that was creating a white cloud in the night sky. You glanced at the busy house, seeing drunk people wander through the driveway as well as the backyard before snapping back to the angered figure in front of you. Your thoughts were all over the place and it's a miracle that you weren't throwing up at this point. It'd probably be 5 minutes before you got to the motorbike, since there were too many cars parallel parked for him to find a good spot.

All of a sudden he stopped in front of you, bringing you to a cautious halt. Your heels stopped clicking against the gray sidewalk and you felt his hand tighten on yours. He turned around, clearly frustrated as he aggressively ran a finger through his hair.

"What the hell was that?! Why were you talking to him?!" He demanded, not loosening your hands woven together. You looked down, not wanting to let go either.

"Why are you asking? You were talking to her while you left me by myself for- for however long that was! You left me alone which is why he came up to me in the first place!"

Yeonjun's jaw clenched, becoming more frustrated with no answer. Seeing you talk to your ex for a while was eating away at him, wearing him down and all he wanted was to know why. For both the way his heart squeezed and why you were talking to your ex in the first place.

His tone became more gentle, knowing that yelling was not the way to go. "You know that it's not like that! I just got carried away in conversation with her, and I'm sorry. But I still don't understand why you were engaging with your ex if you don't like him anymore."

You scoffed, choosing to ignore the last part, "just say that you still love her, Yeonjun." He was right. You were guilty and he knew exactly why. You didn't love your ex anymore, so there was no reason to be giving him the time of day.

Saying that only seemed to make him more agitated and he looked deep in your eyes, a tactic that would make you listen to him. You gazed into his as well, getting lost in them and feeling your anger wash away. He held your shoulders tightly, shaking his head.

"I don't love her anymore, Y/N. I don't love her."

You didn't say anything, upset enough with recent events and the fact that you were arguing. What could you say to that? You couldn't keep arguing here forever; your fingers were going numb.

"Then why were you talking? If you don't love her, how come you looked at her like that? You look at me like that..." You felt tears well up in the corner of your eyes, hearing his complicated silence as a rejection.

The wind only became more violent against your frame and you shivered, feeling the chill against your arms prickling at the freezing temperature. Yeonjun sighed, giving up on being mad, and wrapped his leather jacket around the upper part of your body. He immediately softened, noticing how cold you were even though you tried to hide it by crossing your arms. Once he laid his jacket on your shoulders, you tried to protest, trying to shimmy it off. However, he tsked, bending down to your level, face-to face. You felt yourself freeze up, not because of the temperature, but because of how close he was.

"I promise I don't love her," he sighed, cupping your cheek. "Can't you see?"

You were only more confused, your expression twisting painfully as it was getting harder to breathe with how close he was. "Then-"

He groaned, looping his fingers in your hair before bringing your face forward, "shut up, I just want you."

His lips crashed against yours roughly, pressing tenderly despite how badly he needed you. At first he was hesitant, waiting for your reaction, but when you returned the affection, he let it all go. You melted into the kiss and him as well, his hand rummaging against the lower part of your body to bring you closer. The way he kissed you was ravenous; it was as though he was starving and you were the only thing that could satiate his hunger. You closed your eyes, trying to treasure this moment as much as possible and memorizing how desperately he kissed you. Yeonjun's tongue swiped against the top part of your lip and you granted him permission for a more passionate kiss. The moment lasted forever; there were no words to say except that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

Eventually the two of you had to pull away for air, panting to get some oxygen in. No longer did the cold night bother you due to Yeonjun's jacket and how hot you felt. You hoped that Yeonjun wouldn't see how flustered you were, but it was no use. He knew you inside and out and by the way he looked at you with so much intensity, you knew that he knew.

He broke the silence, catching his breath.

"I can't do this anymore, doll. I only want you. And I want you to only look at me," He wiped the shiny gleam of your kiss on your lips with his thumb, rubbing circles as your mouth was still parted for air.

You gulped, feeling your breath hitch in your throat, "but I thought we weren't supposed to fall in love."

He smiled at how you didn't know anything before pulling your face towards his again and admitting: "I already broke that rule before we made it."

─── ♔ ───

When you awoke the next morning with a pounding headache and a hazy vision, you were extremely confused. The light poured through the window but the difference was that you weren't in your house. You blinked a few times, rubbing your eyes as you tried to remember what happened last night. You had gotten terribly drunk which made it harder to recall the events that happened.

Once your eyes adjusted to the harsh, warm light, you realized that you were laying in none other than Yeonjun's bed. Clutching the blanket against your chest, you sat up and looked beside you but there was no said boy which confused you. Your mind, shooting at a million miles a second started wondering if you had actually slept with Yeonjun. Quickly looking down at your body, you sighed in relief when you realized that your clothes were still on. The only thing that changed was that you were wearing one of Yeonjun's hoodies.

As if on cue, the door opened, revealing a sleepy Yeonjun. His black hair was tousled everywhere due to bed head. He looked comfortable in a black tank and plaid pajamas but even so, you found him irresistible in this light- not caring about his looks and completely snuggly. As soon as you looked at him, the memories came flooding back: his jealousy, your fake dating plan succeeding, and yes, the kiss.

Your fingers grazed your lips, nothing being said as Yeonjun curled up next to you. Normally, he wouldn't be this silent; usually he would be cracking jokes and trying to put a smile on your face. This time though he seemed off, as if he didn't know how to act around you even though that kiss strengthened a potential relationship. You stared at him, noticing the way his lips pursed and his inability to find the right words to say. His behavior was super strange and out of the blue.

Placing one of his blue linen pillows on your lap, you whispered, "Yeonjun? Are we going to talk about last night?"

He wasn't saying anything, and your heart sunk with each moment that passed. You took his silence as rejection, thinking that he regretted it- the kiss, that is.

Sighing, Yeonjun laid his head against the board of the bed, "Y/N.... look, I'm really sorry for kissing you. It won't happen again."

You raised an eyebrow, trying to understand what he meant. Momentarily you were confused and when your brain finally comprehended his words, your fragile heart that was already sinking fell to the floor. He only confirmed your doubt: that he never wanted anything to happen between the two of you and it shouldn't have happened.

You nodded your head with tears in your eyes, careful not to accidentally let them fall out. If he looked now instead of his scarred fingers, then he would see how weak you were.

"Oh." It was harder to speak with the lump in the back of your throat. "I guess."

Yeonjun still refused to meet your eyes, looking at the wall from his right side. The only thing you could see was his messy black hair, hiding his true expression and cowardice. What he said next shattered your heart, leaving you incredulous after all that he said and acted like last night.

"Let's call this fake dating thing off, "his voice wobbled, betraying what he truly thought, "you got what you wanted; he wants you again. You can go back."

His falter went unnoticed by you and you too looked at the wall on your left this time, praying that he wouldn't notice the warm water dripping down your cheeks. Your vulnerability was uncontrollable, tears spilling in a flow that couldn't be stopped even if you rubbed your eyes multiple times. Of course he wouldn't be able to commit to you. He's had so many girls wrapped around his fingers and there's no way he could give that up now. It was typical of Yeonjun, so why did you expecting something more from fake dating?

You couldn't bring yourself to answer both the internal question and him. Yeonjun slowly got up, finding it hard to leave before muttering, "I'll take you home."

"Okay," you said, not caring that he could probably hear the cry behind it. Even though you didn't want to accept that what you had between the two of you was truly over, all you wanted was to go home instead of staying in the sheets where he almost kissed you in.

─── ♔ ───

Despite you and Yeonjun being good friends before you decided to fake date, you barely heard from him which meant that he was intentionally ignoring you. Every text you sent him would be unanswered, calls wouldn't be returned, and even physical appearances would be one to nothing. You knew which days he went to the dog shelter as well, but you guessed he was smart enough to know that you would look for him there- which led him to come on unpredictable days. It seemed to be a coincidence at first, but even missing the classes you shared together? Come on.

One kiss ruined everything. You didn't regret it, but he did and now he was avoiding you like you were the plague. It hurt so much. You felt as though you had lost him completely, both him as a best friend and potential lover. If your previous interactions hadn't existed, anyone would've thought that you were never friends in the first place just because of his behavior. Obviously he didn't want to be near you so you just gave up in the next weeks that passed.

On the other hand, your ex wanted you back, so why weren't you happy? It wasn't even worth it, conjuring up a plan to make your ex jealous which yes, did work, but now you didn't have Yeonjun.

On one of the days where you had to stay longer after school because of club affairs, you saw Yeonjun walking side by side with Soobin and laughing. Though you didn't want to admit it, you felt jealous. Their friendship was like what you had, minus the affection. But you shoved that feeling away, more determined to get a conversation out of Yeonjun and why he was ignoring you.

You ran up to them, tugging the back of Yeonjun's shirt. He was smiling as he turned back, but as soon as he saw you, his face dropped. Soobin turned around as well, frowning when he saw you.

"Why are you ignoring me?" You demanded in a quiet voice, so soft that he could barely hear it.

Yeonjun glanced at Soobin cautiously and rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Because I don't want to be friends with you."

Before you could say anything, both of them turned around and continued as if everything were normal. You, on the other hand, remained like a statue in the hallway, looking down at the floor and trying to convince yourself that what he said was a lie. What could you possibly say to that? Try and beg him that you could fix what he didn't want to repair? You were his person that he was always hoping for, like when he was crying in that classroom one day. You were his best friend, belonging only to him and he knew that. He always wanted that and you were right there but now you were nothing.

How could he be so cold just because of one kiss?

...

It seemed as though the situation got worse. Even though you were also ignoring Yeonjun, there'd be rare times you had to interact. For example, the fact that you sat together in one of your classes. Yeonjun who had been skipping to get high outside of the school, couldn't have one more absence or else he would fail the class. And considering that his parents would be enormously upset with him skipping, he was forced to show up against his will and see you.

It was as though his heart broke when he saw you with your head down. Of course you knew he was there, but now you didn't even wave a greeting or acknowledge him like before. However, he reminded himself that he couldn't be upset about that. You keeping your distance like him was what he wanted, so why did it hurt so much?

He got annoyed with himself for feeling this way and when you looked up and saw him sitting beside you, you automatically assumed that he was mad you were there. Moving your chair away to the opposite side of the black table, you took each school supply and tried not to pay attention to him. Yeonjun was quite scary when he was mad. Not wanting to contribute to anymore distance between the two of you, you made sure not to even look at him, not even a small peak no matter how much you were dying to see if he was affected.

He adjusted his leather jacket accordingly before looking at you, interpreting that you didn't want to be near him. With no shame he kept his eyes fixed on you, burning a hole through your figure as you pretended to scribble something on your bejeweled notebook with a ballpoint pen. He watched you intently before tapping your shoulder gently.

"Hey, do you have the notes from the past lessons?"

You perked up feeling his warm fingers dance on your shoulder. Surprised that he was actually talking to you, your eyes widened instantly and it was hard to get a word out. It had been so long since you heard his voice filling your ear with his low register. How could he be so casual asking a simple question like that after he made it seem like you were nothing?

You slid the notebook towards him without a word, hiding your mouth with the palm of your hand. Two can play at this game.

He pretended to examine the notes, not really caring about getting them down. All he wanted was to hear your voice which was pretty selfish considering the way he treated you the past week, so it was deserving when you remained silent. He flipped through the pages quickly, trying to distract himself by skimming through your handwriting. He wasn't the type of student that genuinely cared about his grades, as evident as him skipping this particular class.

He ran his fingers through his hair due to his bangs falling in front of his eyes. You stole a glance as discreetly as you could, biting your bottom lip nervously. The teacher would start her lesson soon and you would need that notebook back. Yet, Yeonjun clung to it, seemingly trying to remember every page that he turned. It was rather unexpected- the way he was inspecting the papers as if he cared- but he was also unexpectedly not your friend anymore.

In 20 minutes, Yeonjun finished shuffling through the notebook. He held it for a second, hesitant to give it back. Ungratefully you had already begun making new notes on some scratch paper, trying not to be occupied with the fact that the guy you wanted so badly was sitting beside you.

Likewise he slid the notebook towards you, a gentle tone in his voice. "Thank you, doll."

The use of the nickname had your heart fluttering and shattering simultaneously. For a second it seemed as though everything was back to normal, and you almost cracked. Being called doll was so special; sometimes it'd make you giggle because of how cheesy it was. But you stayed quiet, grabbing it with crumpled hands to finish up the lesson. He didn't deserve any words from you, not after the way he treated you like you were nothing. He didn't even want to be your friend anyway. Most likely he used the pet name because he wanted you to hang around, still pining for a love that will never come.

In reality, he just wanted to hear your soothing laugh again.

─── ♔ ───

You walked into the lunch room reluctantly, going to your usual spot where no one bothered you. Thank goodness that your ex got the memo and screwed off, though that very well may have been because he could be hit again. Memories of you and Yeonjun at the table made your muscles feel weak; you couldn't bear sitting there but still wanted to because it was one of the first places that you and him had laughed together. This table was the one where you sat that one particular day, realizing that Yeonjun wasn't scary at all. Now where has he gone? His absence didn't make anything feel right nowadays.

You pulled out the sandwich you packed this morning in a hurry, biting down though you were at a loss of appetite. Despite how much you didn't find pleasure in eating when your heart was broken, you forced yourself to take bites regardless of how you were feeling. That was when your stomach growled, much to your embarrassment. You hoped that no one heard that, and you scanned the room only to find Yeonjun sitting on one of the tables in front of you.

Him being there wasn't out of the ordinary, really since it was lunch after all, until you realized that he was talking to that same ex he said he didn't love. Your insides began turning in your stomach as you couldn't pull your eyes away, the feelings of hurt intensifying throughout your whole body as you watched from the sidelines.

Yeonjun reached out to tuck a stray hair behind her hair, smiling softly as he did so. She laughed, completely flustered with how sweet the action was- and you couldn't blame her. Every time Yeonjun did that, you felt your legs turn into jelly. And now, the two of them looked like an actual couple, their chemistry making everyone around them smile. They were meant to be, and you couldn't dream of coming in between that. The news probably spread that you and Yeonjun broke up, even though it was never real.

You failed to notice Yeonjun's bandaged up hand, too hurt to see that he was acting recklessly without you by his side.

At this point, everything started to make sense. He was still in love with her, even if he denied it while looking in your eyes. He wasn't a liar, but now you were fighting back those thoughts of his relentless honesty because of how he was acting with her: sweet and gentle. He always acted that way with you and if he was telling the truth, then that meant that his actions with her now signified his genuine feelings. You felt your eyes water as you began to realize what was happening. He was just playing with your heart and maybe... just maybe, using you to make his ex jealous as well.

You cursed yourself for being stupid, for not being able to see it sooner and actually thinking you had a chance. At least you had a reason to hate him now instead of crying in your pillows every night due to missing him with your whole heart and soul. Not being able to stand the scene in front of you any longer, you shakily grabbed the sandwich in front of you which now looked completely unappetizing. With clenched and trembling hands, you ran to the bin near the door. It didn't help that the trash was beside Yeonjun, but at this point you didn't care. You needed to get out of that stuffy room before everyone saw you cry.

The sound the door made as you ripped it open had Yeonjun whipping his head in your direction. You darted out of the room before he could stare any longer with his heart on his sleeve. He felt his ex tugging at the ends of his shirt for attention, but he just gazed at the closed door with glossy eyes.

He wished that she was you.

─── ♔ ───

You hadn't bothered to throw on a jacket, wearing Yeonjun's shirt you still had to return, as you walked to the dog shelter with tears in your eyes. The icy rain from the winter weather and violent chill of the loud winds didn't compare to the coldness you were feeling on the inside. It didn't matter if you got wet; to be honest, you didn't really care. You had to force yourself to show up at the place where good memories were made with Yeonjun, the one who betrayed you with his silence and lies. It was too painful and not even the cute dogs could lure you out of hiding. Perhaps it had been a month since you volunteered which was also when he started giving you the silent treatment, but who was counting?

Opening the door with freezing hands, you were welcomed with a warm guest of air as well as excited barks from the caged dogs. They all pawed at the steel in front of them, enthusiastic at your sudden appearance at 5pm when it was already dark outside. For the first time in a while you giggled, finding them extremely adorable as their tails wiggled aggressively.

You walked to Yeonjun's favorite corgi, crouching down to tickle his chin. Several raindrops from your clothes fell onto the yellowed floor and you made a mental note to mop it up later. Right now you would be giving attention to the cute doggies that you missed. In return, the corgi leaned into your touch, closing his eyes and licking your wet hands from the rain.

"You're so cute!" You cooed, speaking in a baby voice as you opened his cage. The dog barked in return, spinning around in circles with excitement after not seeing you for so long.

That's when the door leading to the supplies and kibble for the dog opened, making you turn your neck. The creak of the door disrupted your moment with the corgi and lo and behold, you looked directly in the eyes of no one else but Yeonjun.

Your heart dropped, and the only thing you could hear was the barks of all the dogs in the room. Both of you froze in place, clearly not expecting to see each other. Yeonjun dropped the broom, a loud thud clanking on the floor as it rolled in your direction. As for you, you felt like you couldn't breathe the more you looked at him, only being reminded of the pain that was the result of being his friend and agreeing to his idea of fake dating. It was too much at once, the pain of seeing him not wanting you to be there as well as the already present pain from the past month.

All of it had combined- the hurt and distress getting to you before any competent thoughts, and you turned on your feet, running to the door. Hurriedly grabbing the handle, you forced the entrance open and ran into the dark night, not hearing the fast footsteps following you from not too far behind.

...

You were a complete mess, running in any direction you could just to avoid the boy you wanted to hate so much. The rain splashed beneath your feet as you tried to get in some air, panting heavily in order to calm yourself down. The wind was picking up more violently this time and it definitely wasn't a friendly condition to be sprinting in. The only place you found solace in was in an alleyway, where the winds bothered the place less.

"Y/N! Wait!" A voice called from behind you, clearly distressed and hurt. You shook your head, finding it harder to breathe as you pushed against the icy ground with all your might. Soon your hair and clothes became soaking wet as the rain became heavier, pouring out generously. Strands of wet hair fell in front of your eyes, making it hard to see. You pushed them all to the side, knowing that it wouldn't be long till they popped up again. You didn't care. You just needed to keep running.

Unfortunately, you felt the ground below betraying you as you made the wrong step. Flying back, you felt your legs lift into the air, flinging you towards the puddle underneath your body. With a big thud and a new ache on your bum, you finally let your feelings out, spilling your tears and sobs that had been bottled up for so long. It was pathetic- you were crying on the ground without a care in the world, no longer trying to lie yourself and say that you were fine.

It wasn't long when you felt someone panting beside you, exhausted with the amount of running and trying to catch up. You rubbed your eyes, instantly knowing who it was but refusing to believe it. Not daring to look at the boy in front of you, you shut your eyes, letting the last of your tears fall out without a sob.

When you felt something warm drape on your shoulders, you opened your eyes just to see Yeonjun's leather jacket on your body. Warm and comforting, a stark contrast to the unforgiving weather, you gave up fighting and let it cover you. You were too cold and tired to shimmy it off. Your butt also hurt because of the fall from earlier, so that was another thing.

Yeonjun took a moment to catch his breath before asking between pants, "are you okay?"

Hearing him say that only made you irate. For the past month you were drowning in sadness and blame, never being able to get angry for how he treated you after that one kiss. This time you allowed yourself to feel all the types of pain, anger washing over your body easily as you stood up from the hard and drenched ground.

Each muscle within your body ached as you forced yourself up, pointing a finger in Yeonjun's face. He backed away with his hands up in an attempt to calm you down which was of course, to no avail. You stood your ground, planting your feet onto the slippery, dangerous concrete.

"Don't you dare say that, Yeonjun. You can't just pretend like you care about me after the way you treated me."

He gulped, blinking remorsefully as he bit the inside of his lip, "I know, and I'm sorry. I just..."

"You just what?," you cried, shooting him an incredulous look, "you have no idea how it feels, being left by someone who promised they would always stay! You're a liar!"

Yeonjun shook his head frantically in response, taking a step towards you, "hey, I'm not a liar! I know I hurt you, but I know I'm not a liar."

Anger had too much control over you, spilling in your words that used to be sadness and probably still was. Your eyes had begun glossing as well, catching you by surprise as you choked over the questions you were dying to ask.

"Then why were you acting that way towards her? You told me you weren't in love with her and there you were, acting the same way you did with me!"

"I don't love her, when will you get it through your thick skull? There was just something in her hair," Yeonjun sighed, his tone becoming soft at the end of the sentence. He knew how it looked, but there really was just something in her hair.

If anything, you felt like you were punched in the chest. His voice getting quieter made it seem like he was hiding something, hiding his true feelings due to embarrassment. You misunderstood, interpreting his falter as a bad attempt at covering up deceit.

"Yeonjun, stop lying," you sobbed, your voice becoming high pitched and wobbly, "please just stop lying. You've been avoiding me and now you're acting like you care, so which one is it?"

He didn't say anything, watching the wet on your cheeks come from both the rain and your eyes. Too shocked at your outburst, Yeonjun stayed noiseless, the lump in the back of his throat prohibiting him from saying any more stupid things. You, on the other hand, tried to get yourself together, trying to let everything you had been thinking about for so long to come out.

"You just used me, didn't you? To make her jealous? And I know that I did the same, but at least I was honest instead of using my parents as a dumb excuse."

You sniffled and your voice became heavy, resonating in your chest. "You can't just act like you care about me when you said you didn't want to be my friend." Even saying those words out loud was like a knife to the chest because it made it all the more true.

With each word you were rambling on, Yeonjun took a step closer to you in the already tight alleyway. You failed to notice, too caught up in your words until it was too late. With one hand, Yeonjun positioned himself between you and the wall, his palm against the red bricks. You felt utterly trapped, only being able to look at either him or the ground. You chose the latter, too emotional to look him in the eyes.

His face became close to yours, bending down as his other hand cupped your cheek. "Because it's true, Y/N. I don't want to be just your friend."

Fingers moving down to grab your chin, he gently forced you to look up at him where there was so much regret and sadness behind his eyes.

"I love you so much that I can't stay away from you even though I think my absence is for your well-being."

"What makes you say that?" You gasped, searching his eyes just to find that same depression.

He laughed incredulously, letting go of your face for a second.

"Y/N, who are we kidding?" He motioned to himself with a quick gesture, flashing you with his white, bandaged hand, "I'm Yeonjun. Choi Yeonjun. I'm not good for you." There was emphasis through his words, strength behind each one.

"I get into lots of fights and I scare everyone away. I'm not good at school and I'm not even sure I have a future," he paused, fumbling over his words, "you, however; you're just this little perfect thing. You're sweet, funny, smart, and so incredibly beautiful- that I'm scared I'll ruin you if I get any closer. I tried to distance myself, but I failed."

He paused for a second, now finding it hard to look at you face to face. His head hung low in embarrassment before his eyes snapped back to yours, hopelessly truthful and desperate.

"I have always loved you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you to the first time I heard your voice, I fell so hard. I never used you to make anyone jealous and yes, using my parents was just a dumb excuse. I wanted to have you in any way that I could, so I suggested fake dating," he admitted.

You were at a loss of words, tripping over your tongue but coming out with nothing. Yeonjun sighed, continuing his long and overdue monologue.

"As I've said, I already broke that stupid rule of not falling in love. Even before you knew, I was head over heels for you because of how much you cared about me and listened to my stories. I'm sorry for hurting you and not being honest. If I could take it back, I would. I made a promise not to hurt you, but look at where we're at. See? You're better off without me," he chuckled pessimistically, quickly turning to go.

"Yeonjun!" You grasped his hand, forcing him to turn around towards you. Without thinking, you planted a kiss on his lips, grabbing his cheeks as you stood on your tippy toes.

Yeonjun melted into the kiss, feeling his cheeks become warm as he combed his fingers through your soaked hair. The rain fell around the two of you as you kissed Yeonjun's wet lips, desperate to have him in any way you could. He was the same as well, smiling in between each one and trying to pull you closer even though it was impossible. He tasted so sweet, forever engraving his name on your lips that was always going to be his.

When you had to pull away for air, thunder struck. Both of you laughed and Yeonjun simply pulled you in for a hug, resting his chin on the top of yours. You clung onto his shirt, praying that he would never go away again.

"You can't just do that. You know how weak I am for you already."

You giggled, finding the most comfortable position in his chest, "I don't care. I love you, Yeonjun." His chest was made for you and no one else. It would be your spot to stay in from now on and even before all your platonic and romantic feelings mixed up, he was yours.

"Does this mean we're friends now?" You joked, looking up at him.

He smirked, shaking his head. He looped one of his hands in yours, bringing your face to his again that cold night, "no, it means that you're mine forever, princess. I better not hear any complaints as your boyfriend, okay?"

"I'll only look at you," you sighed against his lips, feeling heaven on earth, "I'm only yours."

The stormy night continued like that, with you and Yeonjun exchanging kisses and laughs back and forth. Thunder clapped above you, deafening and dreary, but it didn't matter at the moment. What was the worst thing that could happen? Getting sick? Perhaps yeah, but at least you had the boy of your dreams willingly getting sick with you. It was funnily simple enough: you finally had Yeonjun, and Yeonjun could finally have you after pining for so long. Nothing else mattered, and the world slowly slipped away as you held him close to mark the start of your forever.

—-

Released: July 3, 2024 (12am CT)

Thoughts: FREAKING OUT. I've always wanted to do something like this in forever and now i'm finally getting around to do it after 4 years which is pretty insane?! I absolutely love bad boy yeonjun concept and I hope this was a good read! seeing how much people enjoyed it back in 2020 only encouraged me to write this long ass story. hopefully y'all enjoyed <3 I sure did while writing hehe (I was actually dying at all the scenes where they almost and then actually did kiss.) As always, thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more goodies in the future :)

Tags:

[wosoamazing]

Against All Odds

Summary: You find yourself with a career ending injury, but Beth and Viv, your guardians and Leah are there for you. Based on this request.

Warnings: Death (mentions of fact Rs parents are dead), allusions to cancer, very bad knee injury, hospitals, paramedics, passing out, one section contains talks of Leah’s endometriosis, a bit sad -> Let me know if there is anything else.

A/N: I really liked this when I first wrote it, but I don't know anymore, maybe just because I hate editing so I was projecting my feelings about editing onto my fic. But anyway I hope you like it.

You were part of the AWFC and the Lionesses, however football wasn’t the only sport you played in at a professional level, you were also a Track and Field athlete, you were a youth world champion, but not many people knew, the Soccer seemed to outshine the Athletics, so no one found out. It was getting close to the stage of having a discussion with the British Olympic Association about whether you were going to do both Football and Athletics at the olympics or whether you could only do one, and if you could only do one whether you got to make the choice or if they did. But that conversation was no longer needed. Team GB wasn’t going to be at the Olympics for Women’s Football so you only had one choice, and that was Athletics, however there wasn't really the question of whether you would qualify or not. It was a certainty now that you were going to the Olympics, considering the fact you were running sub 10.6 for 100 metres. You actually qualified for the 2020 Olympics but you were only 13, so it was decided you weren't going, even though you were faster than some of the athletes you were just too young.

You were one stride away from the finish line, you had done it, shown that even despite your age you deserved to be at the olympics, that last stride would cause you to have run sub 10.7 at the qualifiers, which was a good time, since you hadn’t trained in 6 months, due to the World Cup and England Olympic qualifiers. However that last stride went wrong, you still made it across the finish line, but something went badly wrong, a shooting tearing splitting pain went through your knee as your body collapsed onto the ground, tears were streaming out of your eyes, your surrounds were a haze, heaps and heaps of bright yellow people surround you, they were paramedics you think, they were asking you questions, but it hurt too much to process anything. Your brain was also preoccupied with the fact that you would most likely not be going to the Olympics this year, or maybe even never. You weren't dumb, you couldn't actually process what the paramedics were saying, nor had you seen your knee, but there was no way this was a simple injury, your knee felt like it had exploded, a bomb had gone off, this was a big injury, if the pain causing you to be on the verge of passing out wasn't enough to tell you this, the immediate arrival of like 10 paramedics was definitely enough to tell you something really bad had happened. Your world was literally crumbling around you, you needed football and track, you didn’t want to face the fact that you might never get to be a pro again. You thought you heard someone say something about moving you onto a stretcher and to the ambulance before you passed out.

_____

“Viv, has she sent you a message? She isn’t replying to any of mine, she should be here by now.”

“Maybe it's just run over time and so she is still racing.” Viv replied, trying to comfort Beth.

Beth and Viv were two of the three teammates who knew about your athletics. You couldn't really keep it from them, considering you did live with them, the trophies, the photos, the ‘shrines’ you had. Leah also knew, as you went to the same school and due to the schools sport buddy system she was your sport buddy, you messaged her almost daily since you were 10 and looked up to her so much, she was an inspiration to you. However, Leah never realised how much you actually did idolise her until she saw said ‘shrines’ when she came into your room the day you were setting it up, to give you a present. She looked around the room, above your desk she saw your Mum’s last olympic Jersey framed, with photos of you and her at the track surrounding it in a heart shape. There was also a single photo in the middle of the heart of you and her, you were holding a massive trophy and a huge grin was plastered on your face, but she couldn't help but notice how weak your Mum looked she was in a wheelchair, then it clicked that was the last time your Mum saw you run. You had just won your first junior athletics championships, in that photo, it was a week before your Mum died. Leah knew that because you told her one day, when she asked you which sport you would choose, you said you would forever do both. She then saw the photo from your Dad’s military honour funeral, along with his cap hung next to it, above your dresser which was placed just next to your desk, another heart surrounded it, but this time it was photos of him and his platoon wearing their Y/L/N bibs watching your races at the championships while they were deployed, a photo of him in rehab, kicking a ball to you after he lost his leg and was learning how to use to prosthetic one so he could go back to duty, the photo of your Dad’s platoon surprising you at on of your competitions just after you Dad had died on duty was also there. Between the two hearts was a family of the three of you, you were only small, it hurt her to think that was most likely one of the last family photos you had, you were just so young. She then turned to see what the third ‘shrine’ you were in the middle of making was. She saw you placing framed letters, certificates, medals, and photos in a heart shape around yet another item and photo of someone who helped you massively and inspired you, expect this time she felt her heart grow warm, it was her england debut shirt, she had signed and gifted to you, along with a photo of you mid jump into her arms, after the 2020 Euros Final, celebrating her win with her. You saw your so called shrines your three lifes, your Athletics life which was inspired by your Mum, your everyday life which you attributed to your Dad, and your Football life which was inspired by Leah.

There was also another reason Beth and Viv knew about the athletics and that was because you had no other family, and someone had to sign permission slips, and when you moved in with Beth and Viv and they become your legal guardians according to the state, meaning that they were the ones now required to sign permission slips, so they knew everything.

—

“Viv, I’m going to go call her,” “Okay,” Viv said as she saw Leah walking towards her.

“How did she go?” Leah asked Viv, “We don’t know she hasn't replied to us.” Viv said as Beth started walking back over.

“She wont answer,” “Shit” the next three minutes Beth and Viv continuously called you.

“Beth we need to go now,” “What why,” “She got hurt badly, she is in surgery currently,” “Why didn’t they call us, to get consent for surgery. Shit, it's bad, let's go.”

They rushed off from training, and drove as fast as possible to the hospital. Leah stayed to inform Jonas and finish training before she quickly found herself, driving to the hospital, knee bouncing, hoping you were semi okay.

_____

When you woke up from surgery Beth and Viv were either side of you, holding your hands in theirs. A doctor walked in shortly after you woke up, to update you on your condition.

“Split Patella. Torn MCL and meniscus, partially torn LCL. Patella ligament was torn slightly in half vertically due to the separation of the Patella. Pins in the patella, sutures in the LCL and Patella ligament, meniscus was cleaned and sutured. In the end we went with a graft to fix the MCL in hopes to have a better recovery. No one actually can figure out how it happened, but it’s lucky your didn't tear your ACL or PCL.”

“Yeah but everything else is torn or split, would prefer just an ACL”

“Sorry about that, she comes with a bit of an attitude,” Beth said, as Viv glared at you, you just glared back, you were right after all, he was making it seem like nothing, when literally everything was stuffed.

He just dismissed it and continued “You’ll be lucky to walk normally again, let alone run or play football again. And even if you do somehow ever get back to running or playing football it will never be anywhere near the professional level.”

“I want a new doctor please,” You said to him blankly

“Hey, that's not very nice” “Yeah well I’ve seen what happens when doctors don’t have hope. I don’t want this halfwit in charge of my recovery, if it was up to him he would probably just put me in a wheelchair and be done with it. People come back from injuries that seem impossible to come back from. People lose limbs and still go back to war, it’s not impossible, as long as you’re not lazy. Just someone get me a new doctor. And you can go, I can’t believe you even got to operate on me.” He scoffed and walked out. You were fuming, your breath increased, your face turned into game mode and your nostrils started to flare, Beth and Viv knew that had to do something, so they tried to comfort you.

“Hey it's okay” Beth said as she rubbed her thumb on the back of the hand she was holding. You turned to her and glared at her before yelling at her. “No its fucking not, this isn’t okay, nothing about this is okay or fair or fine. Just leave, I want to be alone.” They both slightly jumped before quickly getting up and leaving. You felt your response was a bit harsh, but it was nothing compared to how you were actually feeling in this moment.

After 5 minutes the door slid open and a body slinked into the room, and sat on a chair near the end of your bed. It was Leah. She just smiled at you before she looked down at her phone. You felt a small tear roll down your cheek, the first one since your surgery, you quickly wiped it away and sniffled, however that caught the attention of Leah, and soon your single tear turned into more tears. She didn’t say anything, you didn't know if that was because she didn't know what to say, or if it was because she knew nothing she said would help. She did however get up out of her seat and walk towards your bed. You tried to shuffle over but your leg was holding you in place, you looked at her longingly. She looked at your knee and back to you, checking if thats what was the problem, you nodded. So she ever so carefully shifted your leg as you moved and then climbed onto the bed. You immediately moved closer to her, so that you were almost on top of her, and just melted into her comfort, as she held you tight.

After a while Beth and Viv walked in. “I’m sorry” you mumbled, feeling bad for pushing them away.

“It’s okay, you’re in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally, but we want you to know we are going to be here for you every step of the way. Okay.” you nodded, Viv sat down in the chair and beth sat down in her lap.

_____

When the fourth new doctor of the day entered the room, you jumped the gun, speaking before he could speak. “If you’re going to tell me I’m never going to play again or if you are a phycologist or some shit you can go, I don't want to hear it. Untill this hospital can find me someone who isnt a fucking sissy I won’t talk to any of you, and if they cant I’ll go somewhere else, another country if I have to.”

He sat down on the ‘doctor’ stool before wheeling himself on the chair closer to your bed, he leant forward slightly, and looked you directly in the eyes before he started speaking. “Well, I’m here to tell you that my team and I can get you back to playing pro. I’m not going to lie, its not going to be easy, its going to be fucking hard, harder than anything that has ever happened to you, everything combined. But we have done some research on you and had some conversations to people and we believe you can do this, we believe you are the right type of person, that you have the right support system and most of all have the determination, to not only now prove that dumb doctor wrong, but to show the universe that you won't break, nothing they throw at you, will cause you to break. So what do you say?”

You nodded slowly, looking at him before looking at Beth and Viv, almost seeking permission or maybe just reassurance, they both smiled and nodded at you, Leah squeezed your upper arm with the hand she had wrapped around your shoulders. You turn back to the doctor.

“I think like you,” “so is that a yes” “yes”

_____

He wasnt wrong, this was fucking hard, you were in agony, your face was scrunched up as tears streamed down from the first minute of rehab. You were told that you could stop if you needed to, but you weren't going to, you wanted to keep going, you needed to keep going, you needed to get back to playing.

Beth had been watching your first intensive rehab session from the window along with Viv and Leah. 10 minutes into the session she couldn't bear to watch, she walked away from the window before she broke down, she couldn't bear to see you in such agony. She was second guessing her choices, maybe you were pushing yourself too far, maybe they shouldn’t have signed the consent forms, after all you were only 15. Viv and Leah followed her, Viv wrapped her arms around her and tried to comfort her. 

“Maybe we take away the consent forms, she shouldn't be doing this.” Beth said, as she started to calm down slightly.

“No you fucking wont. She needs this, you may not entirely understand but she does, this is her absolute world. You don't get it.” Leah snapped back at her.

“Oh. So I don't understand what it's like to have a serious injury that takes you away from the thing you like doing, and I don't understand what it's like to lose a parent.”

“That's not what I mean Beth, and you know that.”

“Oh so what do you mean then.” Beth replied snarkily.

“You don’t understand the uncertainty of whether you will get to play or not, you knew you were going to come back, she doesn’t, she won't ever know until she gets there. You don't get what it means to know you are going to miss out on something that is 100% a given, well something that was 100% a given. She said to me when she was 10, that she was going to win an olympic record for her Mum, and that is something that was almost guaranteed to happen this year, she was going to become the youngest person to hold an 100 metre olympic record for her Mum and now she might never win an olympic record let alone go to an olympics. I was going to captain my country in a world cup that we had a very good chance at winning and that was taken away from me, that certainty, the thing that shows who we are and what we have strove for just gets taken away from us. And yes you did miss out on the world cup too beth, but this is different. Your injury meant something different with your Mum too. Your injury gave you time with your Mum. Her injury is taking her away from her Mum.”

Beth just nodded at Leah, not knowing what to reply, Leah was right, but it didn't make seeing you like that any better. Leah walked away and opened the door, joining you in rehab, she sat on the side of your good leg, speaking encouraging words to you the whole. Which admittedly did help.

_____

Beth and Viv came to some of your rehab sessions, but they struggled watching, they couldn't deal with they were the reason you were in pain, it's what you wanted to do, but if they didn't sign the consent forms you wouldn't be in this much pain, but they knew deep down this is what was best.

Leah was there for you every rehab session she could be, she was in a different position, she understood how Beth and Viv felt and would feel the same if she was in that position, but she wasn’t. She felt differently about this because she was in that position and so she was determined to be your constant through this. She was so insistent on that, that when she had an endo flare-up really bad you had to instruct her to stay home, she tried using the excuse that because you were in pain and still doing rehab she should too, you told her that was dumb, and you had to be in pain to get better, she needed to rest to get better. The main reason was that the past few days you had started working on walking without assistance, and if you passed the tests today you would be able to, well more like strongly encouraged too, walk without assistance in small intervals, it would only be max 30 mins a day in total currently but it was something. But you didn't want Leah to know this. You wanted to surprise everyone.

You did exactly that in their next training session.

“Are you sure about this?” Viv asked you concerned

“Yes, are they all in there?” you replied.

“Yeah Jonas said we had a meeting to be there by 8:10, we messaged and said sorry we will be 5 minutes late.” Beth replied and you nodded

You crutched your way into the centre and gave Viv your crutches just as you neared the dining room entrance, Beth went ahead of you as you walked, albeit very slowly, behind her into the dining room. All heads turned to you, no one expected you to be there, you hadn’t had a day off from rehab since you started, and as you were doing external rehab you hadn’t seen much of the girls.

“Oh we thought you were Jonas, do you know where he is?” Kim asked.

“Yeah he is just behind u-” “Wait Viv, why are you holding crutches that are definitely not your size” Steph asked.

“Holy fuck kid, you’re walking,” Katie said when she finally realised that you were walking, once everyone realised that you got your crutches back from Viv, standing without your crutches was painful, everyone came up and hugged you and congratulated you, except for one person, the one person that you really wanted to surprise. You continued looking around the room thinking you just missed her or something but your search was interrupted by a hand on your shoulder, “She isn't in here kid, she is with the medics. I can take you to visit her if you want.” Lia whispered in your ear, you nodded your head.

“Beth, Viv, I’m just going to take Y/N/N to see Leah,” Lia told them, they nodded their heads.

“Leah, I have someone who would like to see you,” Leah chimed through the door, 

“What Lia, you can't say that about yourself,” “No, it's not me who would like to see you, it’s someone else” and with that Lia opened the door for you and you walked into the room cautiously, Lia followed behind you holding your crutches.

“OMG Y/N/N you're walking” you just grinned and nodded at her, she went to reach out to you for a hug but before she could she winced in pain and retracted into a ball. 

“Le, I think you need to go home, I told you, you shouldn’t have come today,” Lia said as she walked to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“Can Y/N come?” Leah asked timidly, “I’ll check with Beth and Viv first but yes.” Both you and Leah perked up at that

–

You entered the house a while after Lia and Leah, considering you had to get up the stairs which wasn’t the easiest task to do with crutches, but you managed it. You walked into the living room, and saw a photo, a photo you had hanging on your wall, it was bigger on this wall though, and sat next to what you could only assume was Leah’s Euro Final Jersey framed and her medal. You thought that it was sweet she had hung that photo of you up. You decided to sit on the couch and wait for Lia or Leah to come back out and talk to you, however you quickly fell asleep. You had basically been sleeping, eating or rehabbing since your injury so it wasnt out of the ordinary. Lia came out to check on you but found you asleep, so she decided to leave you asleep.

_____

You were lying in your bed, when Beth and Viv returned from their game, you were now getting a day off rehab every week, to slightly allow your body to rest. You had begged your rehab team to let you go to the game, but they said no, but they did mention maybe next week, so you were determined for that to happen. But currently you were in your bed tearing up at the thought of playing football, you were so determined to just get back you had forgotten about why you wanted to get back to it so much, the family feeling, the feeling once you scored a goal, the feeling of winning with some of the closest people in your life, the feeling of being free, having nothing else on your mind other than the game. You were in sobs by the time Beth and Viv had opened your door.

“Oh Baby, what’s wrong?” Beth asked as she went to sit beside you on the bed. 

“I-I’m s-so-sorry,” you cried out, Beth pulled you into her side, wrapping her arms around you, you buried your head in her chest. Viv walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to you, before she started to rub your back.

“There is nothing to be sorry about, it's okay to cry, what you’re going through isn’t something small, and isn’t something easy.” Beth reassured you.

“No. I’m sorry for yelling at you the first day in the hospital, and for being mean to you both when you’re just trying to help me, and that you have to look after me.”

“It’s okay, we’re here for you Kleintje, this injury hasn’t been easy and won’t be, so if you need to get mad at us sometimes that is okay. And we will always look after you, we love you, we wouldn’t want to do anything else than help you when you’re sick or injured.” Viv replied.

“But you shouldn’t have to look after me, it's not your fault I dont have parents.” Beth was surprised it took this long for the emotions of your parents not being able to look after you to hit, she felt it while she was recovering from her ACL and she didn’t have her Mum. The date also hadn’t slipped her mind for the entire day. She felt as though this conversation, this set of emotions, would be something you would prefer to have with just Beth, someone who understood in what you felt, she was older so it was easier on her in some way, but it doesn't make it hurt any less, it just meant she understood what was happening to her Mum where you didn’t. She looked up to Viv, and gave her a soft, sad, warm smile. Viv picked up on what Beth was silently communicating. Beth had a small tear roll down her face before she looked up at the roof, Viv wiped the tear away and kissed her quickly before she got up and headed to the door.

“I’m just going to have a shower, let me know if you need anything.” Viv said, she really didn;t want to leave you two but knew she needed to.

“Thank you,” you mumbled before she shut the door, she knew that it wasn't just for helping you, but for leaving, even though it went against everything in her being.

“I-I’m sorry,” “It’s okay Vivy understands. Can you sit up for me quickly?” You did as Beth said, she sat more upright resting her back against the pillows on the headboard, before pulling you onto her lap, you sat parallel to the headboard leaning your side into her, resting your head against her shoulder. You pulled your good leg into a ball, trying to feel safe. Beth wrapped her arms around you tightly, and started slightly rocking side to side. She kissed your forehead before she started talking again. 

“Y/N, it's okay to be upset, every date is just as important as the other. Today means something, every date means something. Today marks the start, and that’s just as important as the end.”

“It’s hard Beth.”

“I know it is, but you’ve got this, I’m here with you, I’m here for you, I understand, you never have to explain anything to me, I get it, but just know that she loves you, and she would be incredibly proud of you.” You felt a drop of water hit your shoulder, Beth was crying now too.

“I-I love y-you, th-thank you.” She nodded, you knew she wouldn’t be able to talk, you were struggling to talk, your tears choking back your words. She unwrapped the arm that was in front of you and you saw her moving her hand towards yours, you quickly grabbed it and held onto it tightly. You sat there soaking up Beth’s comfort, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

_____

Commonwealth Games 2026

“We’re here trackside with Y/F/N Y/L/N who at just 17 years old has broken 4 records today, 3 officially and one unofficially. She has just finished her first competitive 100m back since her career ending injury, with an absolutely insane time of 10.45. Giving her a second gold medal of the day.”

“An absolute masterclass out there Y/N/N, how do you feel?”

“Honestly amazing. On a high. I-I can’t believe it. Let alone find the words to express it” you said puffing.

“How’s the knee feeling? Recovery mustn’t have been easy.”

“Yeah no, the knee is feeling great, recovery was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I had some fantastic people surrounding me and helping me and guiding me through it all. And I just wanted to give a massive thank you to Tim and his team. Without their belief, fantastic skill set and unbelievable knowledge I probably wouldn't even be here competing today, let alone standing here with a gold medal. But also to all my teammates, and to my parents who made me who I am, I love you both.”

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Ena Mori - Fall Inlove! 2020

Ena Mori is a Japanese-Filipina singer-songwriter from Manila. Pushing the dynamic facet of pop music, Ena Mori fuses her musicality, personal experiences and thoughts to create her own sophisticated pop sound. She released her album DON'T BLAME THE WILD ONE! in 2022. The colourful 12-track offering was written and recorded during the pandemic.

If she had to pick, she’d go for "FALL INLOVE!" as her favourite release thus far. “At first, I felt silly to release a relatively happy sounding song during the time of a crisis, and I wasn't planning to release it at all,” she says of her favourite single. “But I followed my calling and decided to release "FALL INLOVE!" and the response was magical.”

In a time full of uncertainties and one too many bad news, her fun, catchy tunes have provided a lot of respite for those looking for a little bit of joy in the middle of a pandemic. “I got a lot of messages saying that this song makes people dance at home. To me, that was enough to feel fulfilled with my release.”

"FALL INLOVE!" received a total of 34,6% yes votes.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Jessica Wildfire

Our friends and family think they understand their immune system because George Carlin explained it to them in the 90s:

"Where did this sudden fear of germs come from? What do you think you have an immune system for? It's for killing germs. But it needs practice. It needs germs to practice on. If you kill all the germs around you, and lead a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along you're not going to be prepared. What are you gonna do? I'll tell you what, you're gonna get sick and you're gonna die and you're gonna deserve it because you're f-ing weak and you've got a f-ing weak immune system."

George Carlin was right about a lot of things, but he was wrong on this one.

(He got plastic wrong, too.)

Unfortunately, this part of his 11th HBO standup special became permanently lodged into the American cultural memory. I only saw it once as a kid, but it stayed with me for the rest of my life.

Not even AP Biology could dislodge it.

I, too, used to think you built your immune system up by exposing yourself to harmful germs. How could the great prophet George Carlin be mistaken on something that made so much intuitive sense, especially when you dropped a few f-bombs in there? I also thought it was a good thing to exercise your way through a cold. Then I opened myself up to the possibility that I was wrong.

In the words of Carl Sagan, I'd been bamboozled.

In early 2020, this Carlin bit inspired countless reaction videos that still litter the internet. Anti-science zealots have used George Carlin's monologue on disease thousands of times over the last four years to ridicule masks, vaccines, and clean air. Everywhere you look, that piece of standup looms in the background, and it's getting revived again for bird flu. But even George Carlin got the idea from somewhere else.

You can trace this misguided notion back to hygiene theory, proposed by David Strachan in 1989. Strachan argued that a whole range of health problems in the late 20th century had roots in "a lower incidence of infection in early childhood." Basically, our immune systems weren't getting enough exposure to bacteria and viruses. He was mainly talking about the rise in childhood allergies as the result, but the media began printing loose interpretations of his studies and jumping to conclusions that less exposure to disease was a bad thing in general. So the public developed the idea that somehow getting sick was good for you. So began the myth of the "bored immune system" that needed practice in order to stay healthy. Gurus and quacks latched onto this idea. So did talkshows.

And then comedians...

It wasn't until 2003 that Graham Rook offered a more accurate description of the situation. As he explained, "microbes have evolved into an essential role in regulating our immune system... the microbes involved are not infections, but friendly microbes which make up our human microbiome. These are acquired by exposure to other humans or animals and microbiota from our natural environment."

This became known as the "old friends hypothesis."

The old friends hypothesis now serves as the dominant model for how microbes work with our immune system. According to immunologists, kids need to be playing outside more and eating fresher, healthier foods. That's what helps their immune systems.

Getting sick all the time just hurts them.

Like many debunked ideas, hygiene theory and the myth of the bored immune system have become entrenched. A couple of years ago, hygiene theory got repackaged as "immunity debt." Now Americans, Canadians, and many Europeans think they need to get sick to stay healthy. The elites have absolutely no problem with that. It saves them countless billions to let everyone continue thinking they're better off letting diseases run around in their cells.

So:

Your immune system doesn't work like a muscle. It doesn't get stronger the more it's exposed to different harmful germs.

It doesn't need practice.

Phillipp Dettmer gives a vivid, accessible breakdown of the immune system in his 2021 book, Immune. You can show it to any internet troll who brags about their knowledge of the immune system. Dettmer destroys misinformation, explaining how your adaptive immune system actually works, as well as your gut microbiome.

As many articles and books explain, your body has an innate immune system that already knows how to fight off pathogens. You can help your immune system by feeding it the nutrients it needs. (That's an entirely different article.) You can protect your immune system from pollution, cigarette smoke, and other toxins. But genetics determines a lot of your immunological makeup. You can be born with an immune system that doesn't work the way it should, and it's not your fault.

You also have an adaptive immune system that stores chemical blueprints of pathogens in memory T and B cells. According to a 2024 article in Nature, these cells respond better to specific pathogens your body has seen before. Those blueprints last only as long as your memory cells. Sometimes those cells mature and stay around for years, even decades. If they don't, then your body won't remember the pathogen.

Your body doesn't need exposure to viruses.

Your immune system responds to harmful microbes and it can develop memories from previous infections. Most of the time, those memories apply specifically to that specific strain, variant, or clade of the virus. For example, immune memory to one type of adenovirus or rhinovirus doesn't confer automatic, guaranteed protection against all of them, and there are hundreds.

Sometimes, cross-protection can happen, but it's limited and hard to predict. When it does, like with the original smallpox vaccine, it's a big deal. If that were easy, we would already have a universal coronavirus vaccine and wouldn't have to update flu shots every year. Most of the time, getting sick with one virus doesn't train your body to respond any better to other viruses, especially when those viruses aren't related.

Victoria's state department of health puts it very plainly:

"The immune keeps a record of every microbe it has ever defeated, in types of white blood cells (B-lymphocytes and T-lymphocytes) known as memory cells. This means it can recognise and destroy the microbe quickly if it enters the body again, before it can multiply and make you feel sick. Some infections, like the flu and the common cold, have to be fought many times because so many different viruses or strains of the same type of virus can cause these illnesses. Catching a cold or flu from one virus does not give you immunity against the others."

You can add Covid to that list.

Some research has suggested that because catching one virus activates your innate immune system, your body's broad layers of defense offer brief protection against other pathogens. Viruses also compete with each other, meaning that infection from one virus can ward off others. That's called viral interference. Neither option means your immune system benefits from exposure to viruses.

We can't explain all of the human immune system in a single post, but here's the point. It's way more complicated than George Carlin explained. There's a lot more going on. It's not as simple as training your immune system by giving it practice.

That's not how it works.

It just sounds good.

No credible doctor or immunologist recommends building your immune system by welcoming viral and bacterial infections into your life. The costs far outweigh the benefits. Many viruses exact a price on your body and your immune system. Getting infected over and over again makes you weaker, not stronger. Vaccines don't work because they give your immune system practice. They work because they allow your body to develop a memory of a pathogen without all the risk.

Many viruses, like the flu, often leave lasting damage even when your immune system fights them off. Your immune system actually does some of that damage itself by attacking infected cells. In the wake of flu, your entire body including your immune system needs time to recover. During that stage, you're vulnerable to opportunistic infections. Other viruses, like measles and ebola, disable your immune system and even wipe out memory cells.

That's also what Covid does, among many other things.

You can't develop full immunity to viruses that evade, attack, and disable large parts of your immune system. Sometimes you can develop partial immunity, but the virus still invades and still does damage every time. Just because you can recover from these infections, that doesn't mean you're better off afterward.

Think of it like this:

Your body already knows how to heal its skin and bones. You don't have to teach it how to do that by cutting yourself or breaking your arm.

As it happens, many westerners also think bones grow back stronger after they're broken and scar tissue is tougher than normal skin.

That's also false.

Scar tissue remains functionally deficient in many ways compared to uninjured skin. Broken bones form a temporary calcium callus that's stronger than ordinary bone, but it's eventually replaced.

These misguided ideas fit in a culture obsessed with tough love, the idea that abusing someone somehow builds their character. And while it might make you interesting, it's certainly not "good" for you.

Sometimes I wonder what George Carlin would think about having one part of a standup special used to endorse bad science and eugenics. I'd like to think he would have a problem with it.

There's a lot you can do to boost your immune system.

Getting sick isn't one of them.

[autisticexpression2]

People being cynical about the US election and saying shit like "both candidates are just as bad" need to understand something. Trump's MAGA movement is not just America's problem. The particular brand of brain rot normalized by these clowns has been spreading like a tumor these past nine years. Europe is going full fash. The UK, in particular, has turned into terf island. There was international uproar over a trans woman in the Olympics who wasn't even fucking trans. There is a growing movement of idiots who think earth is flat. The Conservative Party of Canada is running candidates who believe in chem trails and the 2020 election fraud bullshit. People in Alberta believe the litterboxes in classrooms thing now. This is Canada, a country that bases its entire identity on not being the US.

The whole world is collectively stupider because Trump won in 2016. Please do not let another four years of this bullshit happen just because you hate the Democrats. This isn't about the Democrats. It's not even really about America. It's about sending a message to the world that enough is enough.

[cinememed]

₍ 🎞 ₎   the  great   (2020 – 2023)  rp  starters  ! featuring violence, explicit language & mature themes . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .

if the crown fits ... take it.

i promised myself a great love. that didn’t work out. 

you fired something in me, and when i look at you now, i must have you again. 

i have carried a romantic idea of people all my life.

it was an act of love, not an act of betrayal.

i saw a great love as a kind of perfect love. maybe it's not.

you're delusional about people, about the world.

that is your great gift. but it's a curse as well.

we cannot change without cost, even if it is our own.

you are always seeking for me to look at reality. well, i am, and it's horrifying. 

it is a flaw for a leader to want love so much.

you don't believe in me. i've spent my life trying to get you to.. and you just don't.

the worst thing in life is to come up against your own limitations and stumble.

i can't stop loving you when you talk, it rushes me.

no morality, no philosophy, just win.

i think you have a large appetite that is not constrained by morality.

you are complicating me.

a great love, like a great country or a great leader even ... is a flawed one.

not as fun as me. because i am known for being fun.

it's .. close to enough.

you do this, and you can't come back. i mean it.

there are many versions of you, and you know i'm the only one who sees them all.

i never thought being doomed would feel so pleasant.

i am fucked. i have decided to embrace it.

sometimes you just take the next step and the path appears. 

i look at you ... and my heart breaks. for your pain. for your sorrows.

i will not live a powerless life.

i do not wish to avoid bloodshed. what part of that plan do you not understand?

sometimes i'm so clever, i have to take a breath not to become dizzy.

i think i was angry because no one has ever not liked me.

there is no other way. i am a prisoner here.

you think me more naive than i am.

we are always not quite as good as we wish.

i don't want to kill you. you're not a bad person.

i could kill you. you are a bad person.

you're so sweet sometimes, i could just kiss you on the nose.

people underestimate the joy in suffering.

it wasn't destiny that did it. i did it.

i'm not scared, and i'm not holding your hand.

you're lying, which is both out of character and really annoying.

i am as good as dead here. that's why i have nothing to lose.

i will not be at your, or anyone's whim.

i wondered what had happened to you! well, wondered might be too strong.

[centrally-unplanned]

Let's see if I have one more election take in me:

I am deeply sympathetic to Sam Kriss's rage against the Democratic corpo-political shibboleth, and not just because we are both deeply enmeshed in the grand tradition of dissident Oxbridge-style cantankerous internet rants. He is right that Kamala was a weak candidate, for one. But more importantly, I still feel what he feels deep down. I remember the starry idealism of my halcyon youth, of believing that conviction, that vision, that the zeal only a platform birthed from authentic principles, tempered by struggle and sweat, would carry the day over crass, paint-by-polling-numbers incrementalism. When he describes Harris thusly:

"She’s a machine politician. She wants power, but not for any particular reason. It’s just that life is a game, and the point is to reach the highest level."

I see my own reaction to her when she first stepped into the 2020 limelight, and low-key hating her for it. I feel his heart, for it is my heart.

But it is not my brain. Because I am not a teenager anymore, and his critique is fucking bullshit.

He says all this stuff like:

The reason Kamala Harris lost is the same as the reason she was the candidate to begin with: the Democratic Party is allergic to democracy.

And how the electorate is seen as but ants from inside the towers of the Machine, like the Dems just invented "not running a primary" this time as a lark. As opposed to neither party in America ever having primaries against incumbent presidents! Because they are normally popular, and it would be a waste of everyone's time to do that! Could you imagine, launching a real primary against Obama in 2012? And possibly sabotaging his brand a bit for absolutely nothing? It is a reasonable policy, particularly when incumbents used to have an advantage for being so. Now they clearly don't, Biden was unpopular and too old, and the Dems took too long to realize it. A costly mistake, but it is a purely strategic error. Big orgs have inertia, and the Dems fucked up. It has nothing to do with an "allergy to democracy".

And Kriss can go off summarizing how the Harris campaign was offering voters nothing:

But for some unaccountable reason, among the general public, ‘Kamala: You Already Like Her!’ was not the brilliant pitch it seemed to be. [...] Another option would be to actually offer something to the voters.

Which sounds neat, but he made it up! I remember Kamala's actual campaign speeches, ads, and platforms, which she repeated so monotonically in her tightly-scripted campaign appearances: protect abortion rights, expand the welfare state, provide better child care support, lower the cost of housing. And most importantly, she ran on Biden's record of a strong economy and promised to deliver more of it. What does even mean for this to not be a real platform? Beyond not having some synthesized, totalizing "Critique" of modernity that packages it all into a beautiful, systematizing little box.

Because I promise you, voters synthesize jack shit. None of this is why Harris lost - voters have made that pretty clear:

You can find other data ofc, this or that point varies, but the story is not opaque. They didn't like Biden! They didn't like his inflation. They didn't like immigration, or they didn't like his liberalism, and they thought Kamala was too similar. She had too much policy baggage. And she wasn't charismatic enough to dig herself out of that hole - no disagreement from me on that front.

Though even then, by that we mean she lost an election by ~3-4% margins after getting subbed in at the 4th quarter while down by ~8% in the polls. That ain't bad!

None of the voters who matter share Kriss's sensibilities, and he cannot hide his disappointment in that. So he pretends that Donald Trump, the guy who promised 20% tariffs on everything to fight inflation, is giving them a real vision:

That’s what Trump did: he offered an enemy to blame and the prospect of doing violence to them

I don't know man, I think swing voters just don't like the last four years and think 2019 was better. I don't think the promises of orgastic violence against democrats are why Trump won! Actually a bit of an unforced error on his part.

But since Kriss presumes to value democracy, that thesis can't hold - so the lack of reality delivering on what his vision for democracy should be is displaced onto Harris's mistakes. The voters can never fail you. You can only fail to elevate them with the right candidate. Which, tactically? Sure, why not. But you can leave the moralism at the classroom door.

This ties into our dreaded media discourse debate, so it is time to bring in another explainer, by Michael Tomasky:

The line-by-line isn't interesting here; instead I want to focus on this quote:

Weren’t they bothered that Trump is a convicted felon? An adjudicated rapist? Didn’t his invocation of violence against Liz Cheney, or 50 other examples of his disgusting imprecations, obviously disqualify him? And couldn’t they see that Harris, whatever her shortcomings, was a fundamentally smart, honest, well-meaning person who would show basic respect for the Constitution and wouldn’t do anything weird as president? The answer is obviously no—not enough people were able to see any of those things. At which point people throw up their hands and say, “I give up.”

To which the immediate reply is: my dude, what are you talking about??

A 56 percent majority of Americans say Trump is probably guilty of a criminal conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election results through false claims of voter fraud, including 40 percent who believe he is “definitely guilty.” Republicans are less united than Democrats. Nearly 9 in 10 Democrats believe Trump is guilty, while nearly 7 in 10 Republicans think he is innocent. Among independents, nearly twice as many think Trump is guilty as think he is innocent.

You know how when you ~13 years old, and you have that friend who is just old enough to start taking Dungeons & Dragons books filled with splash art of succubi into the bathroom with him, but not yet old enough to get that "talking to girls" is an acquired skill? And they are blatantly, openly salivating over the first chick in the 7th grade class who discovered what power the combination of a camisole and a push-up bra holds over the male gaze? And she just completely ignores his faltering attempts at ~casual conversation~, so his brain script-cycles through its backlog of tween sitcom plots until it lands on, "Hey, what if I confess to her? Then she will know about my feelings!"

And you have to pull him aside and gently explain that, bro. She knows. That is not your problem.

Kriss is too intelligent a thinker to not understand this, but our dear Tomasky - and so many like him - has stuck his 14-year-old head in the sand over this. Swing voters know Trump is a scumbag! They know he lost the election, they know he raped a few women in his day, they know he is a serial fraudster. Even a bunch of those Republicans who, in polls, go "oh it's all a Dem conspiracy"? They know too; they just have the decency to lie about it. How could they not? Every media outlet in the country has been repeating it for a fucking decade! I might think voters are morons but even I won't stoop this low; they have eyes and ears, they aren't illiterate.

They just don't care.

Not enough at least, not enough to make it the only thing they consider. And here is the rub, here is the grand mistake Kriss & Tomasky are making - they are at least somewhat right to not care. The height of the Democratic privilege is that they get to play this card because they don't have to deal with it being turned against them. Kamala is a political chameleon but she is a decent person. She would never take a bribe from a foreign government, she would never assault a coworker, she would never, ever, deny a free and fair election.

Which means you don't have to choose between voting for a rapist and voting for someone who is going to shove a bullshit interpretation of the 14th amendment down your throat via a stacked court to ban abortion nationwide, forever. Pro-life people think abortion is genocide against babies! Why are you surprised they aren't voting for the pro-baby-genocide person because she is nice? How sure are you that you would do the same when that is reversed? I guess those boycott-Harris-because-of-Gaza people got some cred, but I think we all agreed they were dumb, right?

This is the rub of why outsiders always have so much difficulty understanding how people like Berlusconi, Trump, Le Pen, etc, get so much vote share - they have no stake in the political struggle beyond the vague idea of democratic norms. It is easy to say "Italy, choose a non-crook!" when you don't have to live with the policy programme of the other guy. From the inside the price of those principles is far, far harder. It isn't shocking that most choose not to pay it.

This isn't to give voters like a moral pass - Trump's conduct is truly disqualifying, I would vote Republican if the shoe was on the other foot in this case. My point instead is that they generally won't as a simple fact of life, and blaming them is futile. If you have wound up in a situation where the political system has taken its pool of hundreds of millions of potential candidates and narrowed it down to two for the voters, and one of them has "launched a coup but will say go to hell to the inflation guy" as a bundled package, someone fucked up and it isn't the voters.

You need political elites to do their part in the system - Republicans never should have let Trump be their candidate in 2016. Open primaries with no organizational thumbs on the scale are a mistake, actually, allowing arbitrary minorities to generate subpar candidates. The decision to let Biden run again was, fundamentally, born from the same impulse - the Democratic Party had no leadership capable of telling him no, because they outsourced that job to "primaries". The Dems are not "allergic" to democracy; democracy is allergic to too much of itself.

But the cat is out of the bag now! These changes happened for a reason after all. Which I won't dig into here - I will keep my point as focused as something as sprawling as this can be. Voters will not save you, and you should not be disappointed when they don't. It was never their job.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! I was wondering if you could recommend some fics where Crowley and/or Aziraphale are detectives. I would prefer if they were rated M or E. Thank you :)

Hey. Here are some M/E detective fics...

All's Fair In Love And Serial Killing by WyvernQuill (M)

Detective Inspector Crowley is 99.999 percent sure that Aziraphale Fell is a serial killer. The trouble is only that the remaining 0.001 percent are deeply in love with the man… --- In which there is A Murder - rather a lot of them, actually - A Marriage Proposal - just the one - and True Love - whose course runs less not-smooth than it takes a sharp left turn, loops a couple times, and doubles back on itself, before crashing straight into a wall. (Don't mind the metaphor. It still ends well. Promise.)

yours in black lace by okapi (E)

Hardboiled, hell-fried private investigator Anthony J. Crowley is just trying to survive a hot, boring August, but a new case and a series of anonymous naughty letters signed only 'yours in black lace' are about to make things interesting. Chapters 1-3 are case fic. Chapter 4 is smut. For the 2020 DW Unconventional Courtship challenge based on a summary of the Mills & Boon novel Yours in Black Lace by Mia Zachary.

Snow Angel by Lurlur (E)

Detective Constable Crowley has been working the "Snow Angel" case for almost a year. It's Christmas Eve and finally, his luck seems to have come in. Arresting Aziraphale Fell, big-time drug dealer, is the easy part. Questioning him is the hard part. It's a police procedural that goes sideways. I'd say it still manages to have a more coherent plot than any episode of Prodigal Son, but that's not saying much.

Tadfield's Finest by angelsnuffbox (E)

The sleepy town of Tadfield is thoroughly shaken by the arrival of DI Crowley. Where barely anything ever happened before, there is now a bustle of low grade criminal activity, and everyone knows where to point the blame. Gabriel thinks he's a bad omen for the town, many others are quick to agree. Meanwhile, Aziraphale from SOCO just thinks he's hot. Ridiculously so.

It's A Hard Life by Krisdaughter_of_Athena (M)

“Crawly” was the best delivery man in the whole city of London, and everyone knew it. Whether it be books and flowers, or narcotics and guns, Crawly was the one for the job. Easy enough for Crawly to slip in and out of tight spaces, and easy enough to keep his real name off the police radar. Detective Constable Aziraphale Pritchard is used to being told he is not very good at his job. He is as surprised as everyone else when he is the officer to catch Crawly, the Devil’s infamous delivery driver, in the act. He is the only officer to figure out Crawly’s real name. But no one else knows that, otherwise they’d also know that the DC tends to get drunk with this particular member of the notorious Demons every other Thursday, and would also know of the fragile Arrangement between the two. Aziraphale knew it couldn’t last. However, what are the two to do when Crowley is given an extra special delivery, one which places the two unlikely allies alongside each other for the long haul? How will they keep the delicate balance of their arrangement from their respective sides? And how will they keep one boy from bringing destruction to the entirety of London?

The Currents by indigo (M)

Post-End-of-the-World-that-Wasn't, a bored demon sets up a Detective Agency and obviously drags his angel counterpart in to help out. They are tasked with preventing a murder before it happens and set off to the Highlands of Scotland - where, of course, nothing works out quite the way they imagine...

- Mod D

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I believe they were denied Megxit because the BRF had pretty much realised that Meghan was a gold digger. That she was manipulating Harry, and he would have done anything in the throes of passion.

She was hellbent on commercialising the family connection which was obvious by then. She wasn't above lying and keeping things from them. She didn't work well within the team and structure of the BRf organisation. Her self serving gold digging ways were obvious by then, she had manipulated the BRf and used the connections only for her benefit. There was probably financial angle to it, she had made a lot of money that way using loopholes in the BRf workpolicies. Someone of it could be very embarassing if it came out.

They realised that they had been enabled Meghan's behaviour in the name of appeasing Harry for far too long and it had got to the point where HnM had cultivated a weaponized fandom by 2020. The BRf had been trying to handle the Meghan situation since 2016 but it kept getting worse behind the scenes and by Jan 2020 they had had enough.

Forget the PR angle, she had driven a wedge in the family and pretty much insulted everyone -family, friends, staff, by then. Her only aim was to create discord and rile up Harry. So the BRF said goodbye to them.

If she had been a nicer and slightly smarter person and got along well with at least the core group (W, Catherine, Charles, Cam, the cousins) she had some chance at getting the half in/out to be approved. But she alienated everyone to isolate Harry and the family realised that by that time. It was more of a family issue than a firm issue.

Sorry, I disagree. Harry wanted all of that too. He specifically chose Meghan because she promised she could help him get all of that because it’s also what she wanted.

The BRF was coddling Harry on his future in the firm long before Meghan came around. They could, and should, have spun him off into the everyone-who-isn’t-the-heir pool at BP when William and Kate married in 2011 instead of letting “the brothers and their wives” go on until March 2019.

The BRF didn’t know how big and bad this monster was till Meghan’s arrival forced them to confront it head on instead of continuing to sweep it under the rug.

Edit: a word

[kpopscatterbrain]

Kdramas i've watched this year

Some of these are older dramas but i'm a procrastinator

Black Knight (2023): Loved this one! I have watched it probably 5 times now. Kim Woobin kicking ass is all i need!

Under the Queen's Umbrella (2022): I didn't watch this when it aired (no idea why). I was worried that the plot would be overrun by romance but thankfully i was wrong. Loved Kim Hye-Soo's performance (i cried a little).

Island seasons 1 & 2 (2022-2023): Honestly i only started this one for Kim Nam-Gil. I loved the cast, but the flow of the plot was a little off (don't know how, i can't put a finger on it). Was positively suprised by Cha Eun-Woo's acting, i think he needs more roles like this! Hot villain alert no.1! Sung Joon as a bad guy is either a blessing or a curse. Cgi could have been better.

Taxi Driver season 2 (2023): Loved the first season so of course i had to watch the second one. Love Lee Je-Hoon. Love the main characters. Love the plot and the message of this drama. A masterpiece. Waiting for season 3.

Weak Hero Class 1 (2022): Only heard of this drama wayyy after it aired (thanks tiktok) and god does it deserve every award there is! I was a bit hesitant because Park Ji-Hoon was the main lead, but boy was i wrong because his talent got me speechless (weren't we all). I cried, i cheered, i shadowboxed, i cried a little more and in the end i called my therapist. Thankfully season 2 is coming.

Bloodhounds (2023): Woo Do-whan and Lee Sang-Yi in the same drama beating people up? Yes please! The plot wasn't mindblowing, but sometimes just simple ass kicking is enough. Bromance was bromancing. Park Sung-Woong with another great villain character.

Revenant (2023): After dropping Mr.Sunshine i wanted to see Kim Tae-ri in other dramas, so when this aired i gave it a go. Her range is phenomenal! I have only seen couple spookier dramas, so i made a mistake and watched this at night (slept with the lights on). The eerie vibes and plot twists were well made. Hong Kyung had great chemistry with Kim Tae-ri and his cop role was refreshing to see after his performance in Weak Hero Class (if you know you know).

Flower of Evil (2020): Okay, this is one of the dramas i procrastinated hard on. It's been sitting on my "have to watch" list since it aired and i'm the only one to blame (i hype up a drama in my mind, then don't want to watch it because now i'm afraid it doesn't go the way i think it does and then i get disappointed blaablaablaa). This year i finally got over myself and why. didn't. i. watch. it. sooner!!!! It is all i ever wanted in a kdrama. 1. serial killers 2. a psychopath (but is he really?) w/ an effed up childhood 3. mindgames 4. marriage problems (but has a lot of soft & cute scenes) 5. Lee Joon-Gi. Also as a plus (hot villain alert no.2) the bad guy is kindaa (i'm sane i swear). I would be lying if i didn't say that i found the wife slightly annoying (might be me, but she went too much back & forth and sometimes i had to take a breather while watching), but all in all this drama will be hard to top and i fell in love with Lee Joon-Gi.

Moving (2023): Honestly one of the best dramas of the year. I don't usually really go for plots that have a lot of romance in them (if you haven't noticed), but i found this one to be really well balanced and the romance scenes weren't "cringy". Although Bong-Seok and Hui-Soo were great and had great chemistry, i looooved the background stories of the parents. Park Hee-Soon also pops up as kind of a non-villain villain. I hope there is a season 2.

Song of the Bandits (2023): Kim Nam-Gil again. 1920s Korea and gunslingers... what more could i need? After Mr. Sunshine left me with a disappointment (this might be an unpopular opinion) i craved for a drama set around the same time period, but with a little less romance (i know, i am defective). I think dramas should explore this time period more, but i understand it might still be a touchy subject. The skills of the cast were obviously great, Kim Nam-Gil killed his role like always, but Lee Ho-Jung as Eon-Nyeon shined with her performance (i am now a new fan). Hot villain alert no.3! I have seen Lee Hyun-Wook in Remarriage & Desires and seeing him as a villain made me feel things. If there isn't a second season i will cry.

The Killing Vote (2023): A "serial killer" in a dog mask making the public vote on punishing criminals and everyone suspects each other? Cyber crime? Chemistry between two cops? Major hot villain (no.4)? Sign me up. I love when crime dramas make you question your people reading skills (i have the tism so i really got none) and have all kinds of theories flying around. I liked that even Kim Mu-Chan and Joo Hyun had obvious chemistry between them it didn't overshadow the main point of the plot. I liked Seo Young-Joo's delivery and i hope he gets more bigger roles. Kim Kwon.... why does the psychopath have to be hot? He also needs more bigger roles. !spoiler! Also Park Sung-Woong killing (heh) yet another morally grey character.

The Worst of Evil (2023): Okay, first of all i have to say... the wife ruined everything (some agree and some don't). We get another bromance duo of the year with Wi Ha-Joon and Ji Chang-Wook. Loved the crime organization infiltration plot, heavily despised the romance plot (sorry Bibi baby). I was constantly on the edge of my seat and the characters started to get so morally grey that in the end everyone needs group therapy. Action scenes were chefs kiss. A honorable mention goes for Lee Shin-Ki as Seo Jong-Ryul (or Chief Seo, knife guy, the man has many names) and Bibi for her performance as Lee Hae-Ryeon.

Evilive (2023): Heavily underrated. Kim Young-Kwang doing what he does best, playing a psychopath. This combined with a bromance plot with the one and only bromance master Shin Ha-Kyun? I'm sold. The dramas literal title "villain story" really sums up the plot. Sometimes you are not sure who to cheer for. Sometimes you are not really sure about your own sanity. But to be fair, so aren't the main characters.

Vigilante (2023): Love it. Currently re-watching it. Needs more attention. Needs more episodes. I'm in love with Nam Joo-Hyuk. The best crime drama of the year, the title is all i needed to hear. Beating up criminals in well made action scenes is my favorite genre. No romance. One sided bromance? Morally grey characters (am i repeating myself now?). Yoon Ji-Tae as a beefy cop and Lee Joon-Hyuk as a slightly insane admirer? If we don't get a season 2 i will start a riot.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm IWTV-wank-avoidance-asking Anon and it kinda missed me that it would be a wanky topic lol I was trying to see if the show is worth watching. A lot of my mutuals are posting IWTV gifs so I assume it's good, but I was curious if anyone who read the novel would think "Better read the novel". I don't realize an asking-for-rec ask would be wanky, but now that I think about who the writer is, it kinda makes sense. My bad lol

--

Ahahahaha.

Around here, I don't think anyone is precious enough about Anne Rice to start the genuine version of this wank, but Rice fandom can be... uh... very intense even on top of Rice herself having been the queen of drama.

You know about Red Beans Anne Rice, right?

Many years ago, Anne got all butthurt about a tacky-ass restaurant taking over an abandoned building that she'd had Lestat being emo in in one of the books. Instead of gothic atmosphere, it was now very PINK and LOUD. So she wasted money taking out ads in the local paper as Lestat trying to shame the restaurant owner... at which point a bunch of other restaurant owners also wasted money to respond in newspaper ads saying that they welcomed fellow businesspeople. It all ended in the restaurant's grand opening and people with plates of "Red beans Anne Rice" (i.e. red beans and rice).

--

Anyway, I read the first book back in the 90s when I was like 15. It's decent from what I remember. The thing that made it iconic when it came out in 1976 was that it was pretty heavily pushing the vampire=drug addict metaphor. This is everywhere in sexy goth sadboi vampire media now, but it wasn't as much of a thing at the time.

It was also very, very gay but in that way where (at least in the first book), nobody really says the word. That meant something in the 70s. Even by the 90s, it wasn't such a big deal, and it's a big nothingburger in the 2020s.

Book 1 is Rice dealing with the death of her child. It's all about suicidal feelings and Catholic weirdness. The main character is Louis, a.k.a. Rice's self-insert (which she confirmed herself).

Books 2 onward are about Lestat's dick.

He becomes a rockstar, vampire-bones the ur vampire, which causes him to mega level up, thus enabling him to thwart her plot to kill all men on earth aside form a few for breeding purposes, bodyswaps so he has a working penis again, fucks a nun, swaps back, gets Louis back by trying to commit suicide and accidentally getting a tan, etc... Much, much later books are about the other bonkers vampires, most of them more in the horny rockstar mold than the sad mommy of dead baby one.

In book 1, Louis is a depressed plantation owner who eats a bunch of his slaves among other fucked up shit. Claudia, their vampire daughter, is a small child who is upset about being stuck as a kid forever. One of the more disturbing parts is when Louis finds out she's fucking adult men. Lestat turns out to be a French nobleman with mommy issues despite Louis thinking he was only pretending to be upper class.

-- The TV series moved the entire plot much later in history, made Louis black, and gave him a spine. Some racists cried about this and some of tumblr cried about how it was offensive to take the plantation owner and make him black instead of doing that with the other one.

The show also made it more overt that Lestat is an abusive jackass boyfriend. This apparently came as a surprise to people with poor reading comprehension. Others have wanked about fans still liking Louis/Lestat instead of Louis/less terrible boyfriends. But... like... It's IWTV. What did they expect?

(So yes, some book fans will be immensely wanky about the show. Ignore them.)

Also, I hear they fuck on the show? Rice's vampires don't have working junk, which we know because Lestat stands in front of an entire wall of mirrors in the most bougie bathroom ever in Akasha's evil lair and discusses how his penis—I mean "The Organ"—no longer does anything.

Also, Armand in the books is the 14-year-old kept boy of a Renaissance painter with a harem of boys or something like that. (It's been a very long time since I read these.) Shit like this never makes it into the adaptations.

--

If you're curious about the history of vampire media or about a certain kind of Southern gothic shit, sure, read the books, particularly the first one with its radically different tone and much greater historical importance.

The old movie is a decent adaptation of book 1, though it makes it less gay (or at least removes Louis' weird boner for his dead brother) and messes with the ending in a way that would have made sequels veer off from the books. I haven't seen that other old movie with Aaliyah, but it looks like a campy time capsule of baaaad movies of that era.

Anyway, no, you don't need to read the book before watching the show. They changed a massive amount of stuff.

I'm in more of a Chinese media phase right now, but a bunch of friends have watched and said the show is genuinely good.