#as i said im never recovering from this cringe

[mooooonnnzz]

This is kind of cringe but can you write a fic or make a headcanon list of Stan/Fords daughter getting a partner and how the dads would react? I love your work btw it's great!

2010 Toyota Corolla

Stan + Ford HC's of their teen getting a partner!

⟡ 1,5k words

⟡ gender neutral reader!

⟡ guys i think im going through a writers block can u tell

⟡ i was doing so good too omg

⟡ i couldnt figure out a title so i used a song i was listening to ths is a song i swear

⟡ cute lil simple hc of of the oldmen!!

⟡ if u wanna be added to my taglist dm or comment!

⟡ i might like take a two day break from writing to get it working again ngl

Stan

♡ Stan is extremely protective of you. He never shunned the idea away of you having a partner, but he never really encouraged it. He told you that it was “a waste of time,” that finding a partner at such a young age isn’t really necessary until you’re older. You didn’t bother protesting against him because at the time you hadn’t found your person yet. But when you did, you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t nervous to tell Stan about it. You knew he wasn’t going to be overly mad, but he was going to be slightly against it knowing his views on you having a partner.  “Dad?” You nervously fidgeted with your fingers. “Yes, pumpkin?” You inhale, mustering up all the courage to tell Stan. “I have something to tell you…” You draw out. Stan’s face lightly drops, already having a feeling of what this “something” is. Pausing his TV show, he loudly gulped. “I’m dating someone!” You blurt out. Stan stares at you for the longest time, the gears in his head turning as he processes what you said. “You? Dating?” He sits up from the couch. “I need a moment…” 

♡ After he recovers from the initial shock, he’s bombarding you with questions, such as; “Who are they?” “Do I know them?” “Are they smart?” And so on. You had no problem answering his questions and he had no issue giving you questions with how rapidly he shot them at you. Whenever you answered his questions, you could see the wrinkles in his forehead deepen the more you open up about your partner. This was definitely going to take some time for him to get used to. “Thank you for at least telling me, pumpkin.” He says after finishing up the whole Q&A.

♡ Meeting your partner was a must before he’d allow you to hang out by yourselves. When they came over to the shack, Stan had this whole gruff persona. He didn’t show much emotion and when he did, it was to show his distaste for what your partner said. “How long have you known [Name] for?” He interrogated, flashing a bright light to their face. “For a year now, sir.” They responded, shielding their eyes from the shining light. “Sir? I like that.” He mumbles to himself, scribbling +1 point on a notepad. When he turned over to you, he gave you a big thumbs up and a crooked smile. You couldn’t tell if it was going well. “Why do you want to date them?” Stan raised a brow, tapping the pencil on his chin. “Because I fell in love with them, sir.” Stan let out a loud “hmm,” and scribbled down, ‘very straight to the point’ on the note. After the interrogation was over, he ripped the note and gave it to your partner. “This is your score.” He said. “I guess you did good.” 

♡ He pulled your partner into a room and had a serious “talk” about something you didn’t have a clue about. But when they came out of the room with a horrified look on his face while Stan was proudly smiling to himself, you had a tiny idea of what he said. They turn around to Stan and Stan twiddles his fingers, his other hand sliding across this neck threateningly. “Dad!” You smacked his arm. 

♡ Even after Stan approved of your partner, he still wasn’t fully swayed by them. Whenever they’d be over, Stan would send death glares behind their back when they weren’t looking. But you would always catch them and when you did, Stan would sheepishly smile at you and make a heart gesture and point at your partner. He only ever came around them when Stan noticed them staring at one of the monster tourist attractions. “Whaddya lookin’ at, kid?” They began explaining how interested they were in the craft of making these grotesque monsters and Stan was more than happy to tell them the process. “Glue and staples come in handy, kid. I’ll tell you.” 

♡ It wasn’t after that, you’d find your partner and Stan creating all kinds of monsters while cackling and talking. Stan saw you walk in and his face brightened up. “Pumpkin, look at what they made! It is disgusting.” He pointed a glue covered hand to the little ugly statue of a half chipmunk and fish. “Oh? Isn’t this something…” You poke at the monstrosity. “Isn’t it amazing?” Stan laughs, impressed with your partner's handiwork. “Oh, yeah. This is amazing.” You plainly said. “I’m going to leave you two be…” Conversation erupted between the two while you walked away with a big smile to your face. 

♡ “I like that kid.” Stan says, a pleased look on his face. “Oh, I can tell, Dad.” You roll your eyes playfully. “Hey! They’re a great person. Perfect fit for my little [Name].” His fingers reached out to pinch your cheeks. “Oh, stop!” You push his hands away. “I’m just messin’ with ya, pumpkin.” Anything will and can make this old man laugh. “You might as well steal them from me.” Stan’s perked up. “Really?” He overplayed his excitement. You send him a dirty look while he barks out in laughter. “You’re gross.” 

Ford

♡ He never really thought of you ever dating anyone. Romantic partners didn’t exist to him considering how terribly alone he is. The only thing he ever said about you dating was; “Uh, yeah?” and carried on with his work and that was a good enough answer for you. Ford found out about your partner when he walked in on you and your partner cuddling on the couch. “[Name],” He clears his throat awkwardly, pointing at your partner. “Who is this?” You introduce your partner to Ford and he’s genuinely speechless. “Since when?” He whispers to you after pulling you aside in the kitchen. “Since like, last week?” Ford’s jaw falls open. “And you never thought to tell me?” You shrugged. “I asked you and you said you were okay with it.” You tell him. “When?!” 

♡ He would be so awkward around your significant other. “So…What is your name?” He’s tugging at his turtleneck, silently dying from how silent this whole exchange is. It takes him a lot of time to warm up to them, a lot of hangouts with the three of you together so he could be comfortable with them. He also uses this as an advantage and studies how they treat you and what they should improve on to make you happier. At the end of the hangouts, he’d slip in a note in their pocket. “If you want to stay with my child, you need to read the note.” He didn’t mean for it to sound menacing, but it was unfortunately received like that. “[Name], I think your dad hates me.” 

♡ Like Stan, there’s an interrogation but it’s not as serious as Stan’s. Ford would have called them over and told them to sit down. He begins asking questions and writing down their answers. “What are you hoping to do with [Name]?” Your partner blushed. “To marry them hopefully.” Ford nodded his head. ‘Disgustingly cheesy.’ He wrote it down in big words. “If I ever wanted to conduct experiments on you, would you allow me?” You jump in at the mention of that. “Okay! I think they’ve answered enough questions, Dad!” 

♡ He deep cleans the areas where you and your partner hugged, kissed and cuddled in. “Dad, what are you doing?” He has a mask and a plastic protective layer of armor around him. “I’m cleaning all the gross teenage bacteria!” You had to walk out after that.  “Is this something you’re seriously going to keep up?” Even though Ford is the smartest man alive, he has trouble understanding the true nature behind relationships. “Yes, Dad. This isn’t a one time thing and we’re over. It’s a relationship.” 

♡ Oddly enough, they bonded over their shared interest in researching the wonders of Gravity Falls. You’d often find them outside, Ford kneeled down to the ground, inspecting something while your partner has a notepad in hand, printing down whatever Ford is telling him to write. “Hey, what are you–” “SHHHH!” You looked at them with a confused look. “We need to be utter and total silence.” Ford held out a finger while he whispered notes for them to write. “Why though?” Ford pointed at a sleeping little fairy that was blanketed in a leaf. “Leave the fairy alone!” Ford opened his mouth to argue back, but his nose twitched and before he could react he sneezed, blowing the little fairy away. A silent tiny scream could be heard. “That was awesome, Mr. Pines!” Your partner held a hand out for Ford to high five but Ford was too sad to high five them back. 

♡ “Final opinions on them?” You ask. “They aren’t too bad. They could be a good research partner.” You smile. “Just don’t take them from me.” You say, nudging him gently. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Taglist: @boredwithlifeatthispoint, @lovexsage, @teddycricketdream, @theilluminatidragonqueen, @raventeen @cedarmoonzz, @katharine3000

[winchestersisterimaginessss]

Request: oh em geez hill i love your work so freakin much! i was wondering if you could do a winchester bros x little sister reader fic where they go to fight a vamp nest (nothing big like 3-4 vamps) and they get separated and reader is like 1 on 1 with a vamp and its like a close call (whatever that means to you 99) but reader gets the upper hand and chops their head off and then the brothers find her and shes just kinda mute after that like she has trouble talking abt what happened to her? IDK IF THIS IS TOO DETAILED IM SORRYYY anyway, dont feel obligated to write! take care of your self! - alexA

A/N: um HI THANK YOU!??! That’s literally so sweet. Okay I love this request and the more details the better!! I started writing this and it took me to a totally different place I think? Ugh idk, but I hope you like it. If not just send in another request!

Pairings: Dean and Sam x Sister!Reader

You were hunting some vampires that were sucking people dry left and right. You all assumed there was no more than 5 of them wreaking absolute havoc on this random small town. The death toll was rapidly rising and they needed to be taken care of immediately. You cringed internally as you thought about how you had to take care of them. You hated killing vampires because something about, oh, I don’t know, chopping their heads off, absolutely mortified you. But they were monsters and it needed to be done.

You arrived to the abandoned barn where you all assumed they were hiding out.

“Stay behind us kid until we figure out how many were really up against.” Dean said handing you a machete.

“Okay,” you nodded.

Your brothers ran towards the barn and you trailed behind them. You got to the barn doors, watched as Dean counted down with his fingers before he busted the door open. As you ran in you saw three vamps and some people chained up. Perfect three on three, you thought, this should be easy. You immediately started fighting one of them while your brothers went to the others. You crashed through the old barn wall and tumbled outside. Your heart was pounding, but you knew you had one over on the guy so you weren’t sweating it. In the midst of your fight, you ended up getting about 50 yards away from the barn before slicing the vampires head off. You sat back, trying to catch your breath. There was something just so gruesome about chopping off their heads. They looked too much like people and it’s just never sat right with you. You let yourself mentally and physically recover for those five seconds before jumping back up to head to the barn. As soon as you stood up though it was like you got the wind knocked out of you. There was a sudden weight on top of you and realized it was another vampire. You panicked and reached for the machete as you were being held to the ground. When you tried to swing it in a last attempt to save yourself, the vampire grabbed it and pushed it towards your throat. You grabbed the machete on the sharp end with your other hand in order to prevent it from going against your throat. It was searing through your hand and you felt the blood start to drastically drip out of it. You felt a few drops hit your face as you pushed harder away from your throat. Your heart sunk and an intense feeling of doom came over you. This was it. You were going to die. You felt yourself growing weaker as you were losing too much blood. You were losing your fight on the machete and it started to touch down on the skin of your throat. You turned your head to the side trying to protect yourself, but it gently sliced your neck. In your final attempt for life, you shoved your knee into the vampire and caught him off guard. He released his grip on the machete for the slightest second, but it was all you needed to save yourself. He needed to readjust himself, but in that split second, you swung the machete in one swift motion, taking off his head. You fell back into the ground breathing heavily. Your pulse was rapid and you realized how clammy you were getting. You sat back up on your knees, held your hair back and started puking. You threw up until there was nothing left and you scooted as far away as you could from the scene that was in front of you.

——-

“Y/N/N,” Dean shouted.

You were in a complete daze, staring out blankly. They got closer to you after calling your name several times with no response. Sam noticed your blank stare and came into realization.

“She’s going into shock,” he stated rushing in front of Dean to get to you.

He squatted down in front of you and grabbed your hands but you sat staring blankly. That’s when he noticed all the blood over your hand and saw it completely sliced open.

“Shit, Dean grab a rag!” He said while holding your wrist out so Dean had a better angle at fixing you up. Dean rushed back over, wrapping your hand up while he watched your face for any sign of pain, but none ever showed. He put pressure on your hand to stop your bleeding.

“Sorry kid.” He grimaced expecting to hear you cry out, but still there was nothing. He squinted his eyes and looked at you with concern before turning to Sam.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey.” Sam gave your hand a little squeeze to get you responsive, but you continued to stare blankly ahead.

“Hey sweetheart, I need you to look at me,” he tried again.

“Okay, it’s okay, you’re in shock, it’s alright.” He said knowing it was actually really far from alright.

“You’re safe, you’re okay, alright? Do you hear me?” He asked, tapping your face and trying to reassure you.

“Alright kid, it’s okay, let’s get you snapped out of this, alright? I’m here.” He said calmly while Dean just stared at his siblings feeling completely helpless.

“I need you to tell me five things about your surroundings, alright? Can you do that for me?” He asked.

Still nothing.

“Okay that’s alright lets get your senses going, okay?” He said trying to walk her through what he was going to do. He reached down and squeezed your lower thigh a few times

“Alright, hey, that’s me, I’m squeezing your leg. Do you feel that?” He asked.

Still no answer.

He took his fingers and trickled them up and down your arms hoping it would do the trick to get you more aware of your surroundings.

“Okay hey, those are my fingers trickling up and down your arms, right?” He asked nodding his own head yes, internally begging you to snap out of it.

“Come on kid!” He practically begged starting to get worried that it was becoming much more serious. Dean looked worried seeing Sam panic. He was the much calmer one in these scenarios and always seemed to know what to do so seeing him panic, terrified him.

“Sam?” He called his name out weakly.

“Dean start pushing into her wound, it’ll hurt like a bitch, but we have to get her responsive.” He said to his brother.

Dean nodded and did what he was told while Sam grabbed your good hand.

“Alright, hey, now you’re going to feel the stuff around you, okay? Here.” He said and rubbed your hand into the grass.

“You feel that?” He asked. “That’s the grass.”

He brought your hand up to his face and rubbed it all over his stubby beard.

“That’s my beard, it’s pretty pokey right? You say that all the time that my beard is so stubby, right kid?” He said, trying to get your body to respond to your mind.

You suddenly felt everything at once and focused on Sam’s face that was right in front of you. You looked at him confused, “S’mmy?” You mumbled.

He sighed in relief before falling onto his knees and pulling you into his chest.

“You’re okay, you’re safe, it’s alright.” He whispered, mostly to himself. Your arm was awkwardly being pulled out and you felt sharp stinging pressure in your hand. You whimpered tried pulling away from whatever had its hold on it, but it was firm.

“Hey kiddo, it’s bad I’ve gotta keep pressure on it.” You heard Dean say.

You pulled away from Sam and looked at Dean. He shot you a sympathetic look, before you looked at your hand. It was covered in a rag that was soaked with blood. Everything just felt extremely foggy and you were confused, “what happened?” You asked, turning your head to take in your surroundings. As soon as you did, you felt pain shoot through your neck. You hissed in pain before reaching up to hold it. It was stinging and you felt the moistness of your blood. You looked at Dean with panic before crying out, “what happened!” You already knew what happened so you weren’t sure why you were even asking. You almost died and to keep the machete from chopping off your own head, it cut deep into your hand and grazed the side of your neck. You started trembling as you recalled the fear that pulsed through your body. This time Dean pulled you into him. He wrapped his arm around you while still keeping your other hand tight in his.

“You’re alright kid shhhh you’re safe.” He comforted you before motioning to Sam that they should get out of there.

“We’re gonna get you cleaned up just fine kiddo we’ll take care of you, you’re safe now.” He said, rubbing your back. You nodded into his chest.

“Alright let’s go.” He said and the three of you left the horrendous scene behind.

[spiderlandry]

Murder Party — ethan landry

Description: You’re the only one who knows where Ethan’s costume is from. You quickly realize you both have more in common than you originally thought.

Pairing: Ethan Landry x GN!Reader

Warnings: ghostface ethan is implied, also some sinister energy coming from reader, alcohol consumption (not by reader), mentions of canon typical violence/mentions of murder

Word Count: 1.2k

Author’s note: thank u for the support ive been getting lately!! i appreciate all ur comments and likes and reblogs :] also has anyone else seen murder party? i feel like im the only one lol

At Chad’s request, you attended the one of the frat parties being held for the upcoming Halloween. It wasn’t unusual, you often got invited to parties because of your connection to some people in the football team, like Chad, who you’ve tutored a few times. However, you almost always never went to any of them—except this one.

You were willing to give it a chance. One, because it was almost Halloween and nobody deserved to be alone during that. And two, because Chad said, I have somebody I wanna set you up with.

Chad didn’t know you too well besides what you’ve talked about in the tutoring sessions, so you wondered what could’ve possibly made him think he had the ability to set you up. But you went anyway, out of morbid curiosity. What was the harm?

That’s what brought you to this moment, in the dimly lit kitchen of this random house, the smell of sweat and alcohol floating through the air as you raided the fridge for a soda. The red jumpsuit you wore was just a tad bit too tight and restricted your movement, and you held your scissors in one hand while you took a coke from the shelf.

Ethan wandered the unfamiliar hallways of the house until he found escape from the mass of moving bodies, ones dancing to the music and stumbling around like a bunch of newborn deer. That was how he ended up in the kitchen, leaning against a cabinet, thankful for some space. The kitchen was empty.

“There’s no guy with an axe after you, is there?”

He was wrong. His head snapped to the voice, a sweet sound almost music to his ears, and saw somebody sitting on the counter right at the corner. How could he not have seen you?

“I’m sorry, what?” He didn’t catch it the first time, frankly because he didn’t think anyone was there at all.

You laughed, an even sweeter sound that he must’ve missed out on all his life. “Your costume,” You sipped from a coke in your hand then nodded to his makeshift knight outfit. “It’s Christopher. From Murder Party.”

He looked down at himself, as if he didn’t know what he was wearing. But he met your eyes once more when he realized someone finally knew it. “Yeah!” Cringing at sounding too excited, he toned it down. “Yeah. It is. And no, there’s no guy with an axe after me.”

“No Bill?”

“God, no.” He shook his head, flashing you with a wide grin, unable to help himself. He walked closer toward you. “You know, you’re the only who knows my costume.”

“To be fair,” You smirked. “It is kind of niche. You a big fan of horror comedy?”

He nodded, “Grew up with them. You?”

You shook your head. “More of a fan of elevated horror.”

That was when he processed what you were wearing, and saw the large scissors on the spot beside you. “You’re a tethered. From Us, right?”

“Yep,” You pursed your lips into a thin smile. “Can’t really beat Jordan Peele.”

Something, like a shadow, passed over your face for a singular moment that was difficult to miss. But you recovered quickly and continued the conversation.

“You don’t seem like a party guy,” You commented, more of an observation.

“I’m not, no. Not at all.”

“Me neither. Hate drinking.”

“Why are you here, then?”

You rolled your eyes at the reminder. “Some guy on the football team said he wanted to set me up with somebody. Don’t know where he is.”

“How do you know he didn’t just invite you here for himself?” Ethan got more confident as time went on, maybe it was the shots Chad had him take.

“He doesn’t seem like that guy.”

“How do you know he is who he says he is?”

By then, Ethan had gotten a little bit closer since the music was turned up. You didn’t mind the proximity though, and it seemed that he liked it.

“I don’t,” Your eyes narrowed. “But I’m a pretty good judge of character.”

He raised his brows. “Are you?”

It dawned on you that you never asked for his name. “What’s your name?”

“Ethan,” he breathed shallowly, seeing that you were only a few inches away from him. “You?”

“Y/N.” You held out your free hand, “Nice to meet you.”

Despite his sweaty hands, he took it.

A booming voice interrupted your slowly inching faces, to both of your disappointment.

“There you are!” You saw Chad at the end of the hall, then he did a double take. “And you! You guys know each other?” He was definitely a little drunk, from the slurring of his words.

“N—no, we don’t. We just met.” Ethan replied. Was he supposed to know you?

Chad strutted closer and gestured to you with a solo cup in his hand. “So, thoughts?”

You were taken aback. “Thoughts on what?” There was no way he was asking what you thought he was asking.

“On Ethan!” He shouted over the music. “He’s the one I wanted you to meet.”

He was. You sighed, biting your lip. You looked at Ethan, who was gaping and clueless right next to you.

Before you could say anything, a woman in an orange jack o’lantern top tapped Chad on the shoulder. “Hey, big guy.” He turned around. “You’re needed.”

Chad left on fast feet, leaving you and Ethan.

“For the record,” you tilted your head, leaning closer to him again. “I was gonna say I liked talking to you. I don’t know you that well yet, but I think we’d get along.”

He was relieved upon hearing that, to say the least. “I—I liked talking to you, too.”

You took out your phone from your back pocket, unlocking it, and pushing it in his direction. It was a few seconds until he understood, mainly because nobody had ever done that to him before.

“You want my number?” He needed to clarify that.

“Why else would I give you my phone?”

Ethan laughed. He may be nervous, but not once has he felt embarrassed in your presence. There was no one in the world who could do that to him, besides you.

He put his contact as ‘Ethan :)’ and saved it, closing the phone. As he handed it back to you, it lit up and something caught his eye in that millisecond that he saw your lockscreen. It was you with someone else.

“Who’s that?” He asked out of curiosity. Why did the woman in your lockscreen look familiar?

“Oh,” you sighed. “That’s Amber. She’s my best friend.” You didn’t feel like going into it right now, but by Ethan’s name and matching the description in your head, you had a feeling he was the one you were looking for. Richie’s family that Amber told you about who were just as crazy as him.

It dawned on Ethan. But there was a commotion by the stairs that caught both your ears—one of them sounded like Chad’s voice.

You checked it out, standing right next to Ethan when you finally saw the woman you’d been waiting for—the sole reason you offered to tutor Chad.

Tara Carpenter, the one who killed your best friend.

—————

Additional A/N: i didnt know where this was going when i began writing so it ended up here…for some reason. originally it was non-gf ethan and reader meet cute but i thought i’d switch it up. the backstory here is that amber and y/n are childhood friends and went to different schools, hence why core four doesnt know them. kind of a plot hole but! its whatever. idk. i also wrote in past tense bc it just felt right

[goldenempyrean]

sick!nat x reader where they broke up a week ago and r hasn’t heard of nat since. however that changes when a feverish Natasha calls reader asking to be taken care of. reader still loves her so she goes to Nat’s house to find that Natasha is miserable and totally out of it. when Nat recovers will she remember that SHE was the one who asked for help? (little angst)

The Memories Of Love

〚 Notes - Wow. I stayed up WAY too late writing this. Know it stays "little angst" but I might've gotten a little too deep into it. Theres more swearing and stuff then my usual fics so just be weary of that! I am desperate for feedback on this fic though so give me your honest thoughts :D 〛

〚 Summary - You'd broken up. You were content to never to speak to her again and maybe you would have, but one call changes everything 〛

〚 Wordcount - 1840 〛

〚 Part Two! 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

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The last thing you expected to wake up too was a call. Especially considering it was almost 2am and especially considering who it was coming from. You rolled over, grabbed your phone leading you to give an irritated groan as you muted the call, setting your phone back down.  

You groaned to yourself, annoyed that you had been pulled from your peaceful slumber, you tried to settle back down, not wanting to be disturbed any further but not even a minute later, the recognisable chime of your ringtone rung out again as your phone began to vibrate rapidly.

“For fucks sake.” You muttered grumpily as you sat up and picked up your phone, rolling your eyes at the name displayed over the screen.

“What do you want Natasha?” You grumbled, not hiding the annoyance in your tone.

On the other end of the phone, you heard Natasha mumble something incoherent. You frowned. Her voice was wrong, it had a distinct hoarseness and a noticeable rasp. Not to mention the small sniffles. Was that- Was she crying?

“Considering you’ve just woken me up, I don’t want to deal with your bullshit right now so you can either tell me what you want or fuck off.” You growled down the phone, not wanting to deal with her any longer.

The phone was silent for what felt like hours, your finger was hovering over the red button to end the call when a small voice whispered something, “I need you.”

“What are you on about?” You sighed, rubbing your temples as you tried to make sense of what she had just said, “If you’re drunk or something, I swear to God, Im genuinely going to just block you. I can't deal with your shit right now.”

The phone went silent again, you almost felt bad for snapping at her. It's just, this was the first time in an over a week that you’d spoken to each other after it happened. You weren't even completely sure how it happened anyway. You guess it had started the night she failed to show up for your date – the date that you were going on to make up for her missing the previous one... and the one before that. You’d tried to remain casual when you told her how it made you feel but no. That one comment turned into a long, tiring argument. One which ended with you walking out, throwing your keys to the floor claiming you couldn’t do this anymore. A year gone. A year of time, love and dedication you’d put into that relationship and suddenly, in the span of afew moments it was gone. Wasted.

The sound of deep coughing snapped you back to reality as you cringed at the sound, “Please Y/N,” The way she croaked your name pulled at your heartstrings, she sounded like she was almost begging, “please come over, I really need you.”

“What’s wrong?” You asked, softening your tone as you realised that something really might be wrong, “Are you okay?”

There it was. That feeling of worry you hadn’t felt in awhile, the worry you felt whenever something bad happened, the worry which you felt when you truly cared for someone. The worry you felt when you truly... You stopped yourself, not wanting to think about it any further.

“Please, just come over.” That was the last thing you heard before there was a small ‘thud’ on the other end of the line.

“Natasha, just tell me what’s wrong.” You repeated but got no answer, “Natasha? Oh for-.” You cut yourself off from your curse and gave an exaggerated sigh as you shook your head, only this time there was no real anger behind it.

You told yourself you didn’t care, and that Natasha can deal with it herself. Shes a big girl and she can handle it. You didn’t care. That’s what you told yourself.  

Yet you still found yourself driving over to her apartment not even ten minutes later. The roads were barely illuminated by the dim streetlights, and you found yourself often gazing up and out at the overhead stars. God, what were you doing?  

You asked yourself that same question as you approached the door to her apartment. Your hand hesitated wearily in the air, curling up into a fist. You paused. Did you really want to do this? You could turn around now, go home, get back into bed. She’d never know. Yeah, that’s what you should do and yet seconds later the sound of knocking echoed through the hallways.  

Silence. You were met with a strange silence. No sounds of movement inside, no one came to the door, no sounds of anything actually. You knocked again, a little louder this time and tapped your foot impatiently, still there was nothing.

“Are you kidding me?” You muttered to yourself, pissed that you’d wasted your time on her again.

As you give the door your third and final third knock, your thumb goes down to reach for the handle out of instinct. You were so used to opening this door for her. It seems the habit was lingering. Much to your surprise, the door clicked off its hinges, swinging slightly ajar.

“Oh shit.” You hissed to yourself, wondering if you’d knocked on the door too hard. You wanted to leave. Just to forget about everything and go home but something inside told you to go in. Afterall, you couldn’t just leave the door open and leave, right? You had to go in. Atleast that’s what you told yourself as you took a step inside.

As you entered, it hit you immediately. Something was wrong. The air felt wrong, and the atmosphere was tense. There was no way you’d ever guess what you’d see next though. As you slowly padded into the living room you saw her.

Natasha was curled up on her sofa with a thin blanket half-draped over her as she shivered in her sleep. The lines around her eyes and lips were deeper then you remembered, her skin is paler too - unnaturally so. She looks so worn out, exhausted even. Inspecting closer, it was then you noticed the sheen to her skin, small beads of sweat lining her forehead and the pink-tinged clutches of afever clung to her cheeks. Oh.

“Poor thing.” You found the words leaving your mouth before you could stop yourself. Forgetting your previous annoyance, you turned back towards the entrance to her apartment, making sure to close the door properly, locking it behind you before resting your hands on your hips as you began to survey the room.

Kneeling down beside the sofa, you lightly shook her shoulder, attempting to stir her from her sleep as small jabs of worry began to slowly seep into your thoughts. It's been so long since you've seen her like this, she almost looks as vulnerable, a look you’d only seen once before. It's enough to trigger your innate need to protect, no matter how much you hurt inside.

“Sweet-“ You stopped yourself, feeling yourself blush with embarrassment as the petname slipped from your tongue, “Natasha?”

Your fingers lightly brush her forehead, feeling its hot and clammy surface. Her nose twitches slightly in her sleep. With a bit of hesitation, you try again. "Natasha..."  

Nothing.

You shake her shoulder again. "Hey... wake up". It comes out quieter than you intend it, and the worry in your voice is impossible to hide.

Her breathing is steady but shallow, and she looks so exhausted and ill. No response came from the sleeping woman, and it became obvious that she really was out cold.

Looking around again, you realised the place was abit of a mess and your eyes caught sight of the almost-empty bottle of NyQuil which had fallen onto the floor next to the sofa she lay on, besides which was her phone, your contact details still displayed on the screen.

“Jeez Nat, how much of this stuff did you take?” You sighed to yourself as you picked up both the bottle of medicine and her phone, setting them both ontop of her coffee table before slowly beginning to tidy the area, picking up the small mound of tissues which littered her floor and putting them in the trash.

You have no clue how long she's been sick, and the state of the apartment makes you think it's been a while. It was going to be a long night. Over the next half an hour, you made a start on properly cleaning up her apartment. You didn’t know why you were doing it. You could’ve just left but again, something made you stay. There was something inside of you that longed to hold her, to comfort her.

But you couldn’t. Not anymore. So instead you tiptoed around, not wanting to make a sound, as you tidied up the living room, before heading towards the kitchen. The trash was full and the counter-tops littered with multiple takeout containers to which you found yourself shaking your head. It took another 30 minutes of shuffling around before you were done.

Satisfied with your work, you made yourself a cup of coffee and allowed yourself a moment of calm as you sat down to drink it. Even then you tried reminding yourself that you didn’t care yet you still found yourself feeling responsible, longing to look after her. In that moment your heart began to beat rapidly in your chest as one thought finally clicked in your head, a deep blush clouded your cheeks as the slow realisation hit you finally.  

You still loved her.

Goddammit Natasha.

Finishing up your drink you found yourself fighting with your thoughts as you tried to push your newfound realisation to the back of your mind. A place where it couldn’t be seen, couldn’t be heard. You washed the cup and put it back neatly into her cupboard. You should’ve just left then, but there was still one thing left to do, a task which you knew was coming but still dreaded all the same.

Coming back over to Natasha’s side, you gave a final attempt at waking her, to which you had no luck. So, with a heavy exhale, you slipped your arms beneath her, hoisting the woman up into your arms before steadily carrying her over towards her room. You were mindful of her head, making sure to support her carefully. The sight of asleep of her in your arms almost overwhelmed you, the scent of her hair reminded you so much of why you fell in love with her in the first place.

You move with such delicacy - handling her as though she's going to break. Atleast it wasn’t far to her room. You leant down and carefully laid her down onto the mattress, tucking in the sheet as you pulled it over her. She looked beautiful, she was a sick mess and yet she remained beautiful. Resisting the urge to kiss her, your hands went to her forehead again, wiping away beads of sweat with the back of your hand while an unexpected wave of emotion floods your stomach. You swallow and wipe your eyes.

“God, Im going soft.” You whispered to yourself as you turned to leave, you didn’t plan to come back. Maybe you’d see if you could move up north. Start again with a blank slate. Maybe...

You shook your head again and turned back to take a final look at her. Natasha. Your Natasha. You couldn’t help but regret everything that had happened. The fight. Leaving. Everything. Whatevever, it was pointless now. You reached for the door handle, slowly pulling it shut.

And it was almost fully closed too but something stopped you. A small, frail voice came from inside, a voice which had the power to stop you in your tracks,  a sole word which held enough weight to change your future entirely, “Y/N?”

[cconfusedkat]

hie dont mind me the cringe won im blabbering abt hanahaki 🐏🕷 au 💔

In a secret spot near silk cradle ,, purple and blue lighting ,, sitting right underneath an empty golden skull , staring at the ghost town right below them ,, they both talked and talked for hours on end ,, enjoying eachothers company ,,

Rare for shamura to get out , as well as rare for lamb being able to fetch some time ,, they wanted a moment between them to last forever without EVER *explicitly* saying it to one another . it was embarrassing for them both

"I love you," which would be the last word's shamura ever says to lamb ;; lamb looks back at them and stays silent. Confused and lost, fear and dread,, what were they even meant to say ?

Lamb didn't return that feeling and still needed more time to properly recover from getting into any relationship , due to the stress put on them as a leader , not fitting any time to love Themself,,,

You fast forward to years later where the two haven't. said /anything/ to eachother in years, due to Shamura's awkward confession of never being returned properly,,

Laying there was shamuras now dead body ,with hydrangeas surrounding them ,, lamb rushing over and begging shamura to wake up ,, begging and crying because they werent able to ever express how a year later they loved shamura back ,,, no matter how much the spider convinced themself they no longer loved lamb

And thats lambs last ever words back to them ,, hydrangeas were lambs favorite flowers ,,because the color and beauty of it reminded them of none other than shamura

... was this the moment the two were hoping to get ?

Shamura, from the inability to strike up a conversation with Lamb, stressing internally from not being able to have that wonderful future with them that everyone ever talks about ? Dying from the amount of flowers they coughed up ? Of which , all of these flowers were all lambs favorite ,,, Accepting their fate that lamb never ever wanted to talk to them again because of their unput confession

Lamb, mourning their lost lover, all because of the major miscommunications,, the worry of shamura not wanting to speak to them anymore because they didnt return their feelings,,, scared of hurting them ever again and thus forcing themself into marriages they were never happy in to get over shamura ?

[presidentkamala]

Ok im being SO brave and chugging a mug of peppermint tea before i suit up and GO ON A WALK and get my steps in but uhhhh emotional personal word vomit below that is too cringe and immature to share publicly probably lmao

Yesterday things were going really well, i brought my parents some of my muffins and two of the new farmers market apples and part of the brie wheel, and bc its a religious holiday one of my mom's friends invited us to a party in virginia.

But then i found out that my dad didn't plan on going (i also didn't plan on going at ALL and in fact i was going to do something completely separate) and my mom decided that she can't drive at night and she was like inviting me and hoping i would go partly so i could drive. And like we as a family don't have any kind of social life lmao and i also didn't want my mom to have to uber so i was like hey i can drop you off! TRYNGGGGG to do a nice & thoughtful thing to make up for why i wasn't going. And the main reason i wasn't going is bc this auntie LOVES to rub her hugely successful lawyer daughter married to a PARTNER in her firm (interesting if you ask me) with three children in my face and im like not in a place to uhhh recieve that energy rn (like along the lines of "[paragraph about how challenging parenting is and how successful her daughter is], turning to look at me and asking me how i "fill my days" and being intensely patronizing and smug about what a professional and academic failure i am, fake compassion, bringing up her daughter's 250k signing bonus completely out of nowhere, the works).

Well of course when i drop her off my mom's like no it would be rude not to come in and say hi so i do that with as much grace as i can muster and start driving to THE OFFICE on a saturday night because when i said hello this auntie was like no we'll be done with the ritual and dinner in 2 hours max and it wasn't worth it going back to my parents' and then back to auntie's place in under two hours

Except on the way to the office im like wait im in VA why don't i hang out in alexandria? And went down king street which has HUGELY recovered from when i lived there during the pandemic and was full of people and HAPPY COUPLES and FRIENDS ENJOYING DINNER and then Me with my whole foods loaf of brioche so i could get free parking like sitting on a park bench listening to a VERY poor rendition of hotel california

And after a couple hourse of walking along the waterfront, king street, etc, i texted my mom to see if she was ready to go and was met with TOTAL silence for. ANOTHER ENTIRE HOUR AND HALF and at that point i was just. Trapped in alexandria sitting there waiting to be called by my mom to pick her up from an event i was too ashamed to attend, filled with people who spent the last 10 years of my life gleefully asking me why i wasnt getting a masters or a law degree or being hugely devaluing of government jobs &work, who clearly have a different understanding about what's acceptable to prioritize, especially right now, especially in this moment, who i will NEVER be able to impress and who i will NEVER be able to give a reason good enough for them to treat me like a first class citizen

And reader i fucking lost it

Year after year after year i have to humble myself and apologize to everyone for not being this or doing that. Yes I'm still in [Agency] no im not engaged no i don't own a home no i'm not working towards a hugely lucrative shift to consulting. Yes my mom is parading me around like a child with nothing better or more important to do with my time. Yes i still remember every offhand remark and every backhanded compliment and every cutting remark. No i haven't radically moved forward in my life in a way you would respect

And the thing is i DID have plans last night!! And if i was more secure or more successful, i probably would have had no issues cancelling and coming to the function by myself. But im so behind in everything, and im getting old, and slower, and my chances of catching up keep slipping away

It all hit me so deeply - it felt like an attack, it felt like im being punished by my mom and everyone else for continuing to put off these things that are my duty, marriage and family or barring that career success on an astronomical level

It got worse when my mom finally DID say she was ready to go almost 2 hrs after the initial estimate. She immediately launched into transports over another guest who "isn't much older" than me and who was a DIPLOMAT and is now MARRIED TO A FRENCH DIPLOMAT and now they OWN A FARM IN POTOMAC WITH 10 COWS and it was the way she said it, so specific, so insistent about her. I don't know if im just paranoid but it felt like she was rubbing it in, i felt the walls closing in again and kind of shut down and i just said "sorry im struggling to regulate my emotions" bc its unfair to put all this paranoid shame on other people and she just looked so annoyed and disappointed and i felt completely overwhelmed by the need to just get away and be somewhere safe from judgment and disappointment and shame

Im not proud to say i relapsed into some self harming later when that interminable drive was finally over and we came home

And then today one of my OTHER cousins just announced their engagement like im SO.

I keep being made to pay the price for being single and for not being a dr or a lawyer.

It's getting old. Im getting old. There are bigger things happening in the world. Im a data analyst im a fucking unit chief i volunteer and i advocate and i work to see change like im not sitting on my hands doing NOTHING but i will NEVER be treated with respect in this family/community until i do get married or become a billionaire.

[someh0eontheinternet]

Yelana x Obsessed fem.reader

(this is just a fanfic i wrote in two seconds and is purely a self insert because im OBSESSED with her but i hope u enjoy anyway haha 🌸🌸) (SEASON 4 SPOILERS) (no manga spoilers)

You became a scout because you needed the money. nothing more, nothing less. you weren't trying to chase after glory, or even protect the ones you loved.

all you wanted was to get your bag and go home.

luckily for you, your fighting skills were second to only the Ackerman's and you werent heartless enough to not put yourself in dangers way to save a comrade or two from the jaws of a titan. because of this, you were adored by the whole regiment due to the countless lives yourve saved in battle.

during the attack on Marley, and following your return to the flying blimp, you were greeted once again by your beloved comrades. you take a moment to silently count to yourself the number of soldiers around you and send a silent prayer to the ones who have fallen.

Interrupting your train of thought was a loud screech from the room over, that almost resembled a child. curious, you make your way over to the captain's den to find eren, levi, zeke, and two screaming children yelling about something you couldnt understand. Levi was the first to speak up...

"Y-n. I'm glad you're safe but this doesnt concern you. Please return to the other room."

You shrugged your shoulders and was about to turn to leave when a tall figure caught your eye.

"omg...omg....omg"

(sorry if this next part is cringe lol)

it was love at first sight. you lost control of your body as you speed walked over to her. she absolutely towered over you. she had to be 6'7 at least. you didnt even know women could get that tall ....

without thinking, you stand alarmingly close to her, taking her by surprise, and start speaking without thinking.

"oh my god....you are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. everything about you is just so....handsome. your blond hair. your gorgeous grey eyes. even the way you're looking down at me. who on earth even are you!???" you look up at her with a sparkle in your eye that almost made the tall blond lose her composure, but she recovered.

She had never been complimented like this before. her whole life she had been told that she was a misfit and she was too 'masculine' to fit in. god....you really caught her off guard.

she tried to hide it however, her pride was too important.

"I....who i am is none of your business, soldier. i would advise you return to...."

she was cut off however by you moving your body closer you hers, your breasts pushing up against her chest, causing her cheeks to become a deep red.

"oh please pretty lady, no reason to be so harsh with pretty old me. i just wanted to tell you how beautiful you were".

"Well i um...*cough*" the tall woman looked away embarrassed.

hange entered the room and spoke up.

"come on yelena, you should give her more of a chance. this is y-n. one of our strongest and bravest soldiers. plus, she's cute as a button. practically all the boys in the servey corps have developed a crush on her one time or the other" hange chuckled as they entered the room.

"....hey, i havent" eren pouted in the corner, too embarrassed to be taken seriously.

"haha fucking loser" zeke said, mocking his little brother eren.

"hey! shut your trap Zeke" eren growled.

"hey back me up levi. tell yelena how good of a soldier y-n is" hange whined

"well...ive never seen anyone kick ass quite like her. even mikasa hesitated on the field, but y-n just shoved her blades right up their smelly asses"

"she did what..." yelena interrupted.

"pretty pleaseeeeee yelena darling. ive never liked any of these nobodies (eren: hey!) but you're special. please if you take my hand in yours i swear to love you until my last breath".

yelena looked away and pouted before swinging you up over her shoulder and walking out the room with you.

"we will be back later. and dont u dare disturb us."

*blush* *blush*

💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺

authors note:

im so sorry xDDDDD

[aliteralsemicolon]

I was going to go to bed but I'm so glad I stayed up to read one more. This is the hardest a fic has ever fic-ed for me to this day. God do I have something to say to YOU!!!!!!!

Spoilers and yapping below the cut

You both mutually agreed to end things out of the fear of things ending.

Okay, so we're starting off really strong. I'm just going to tell you rn how much I love the way you use the english language.

No longer amused because it was less amusing when he was amused as well.

GOD NONE OF US WILL EVER UNDERSTAND WHY THIS GAGGED ME. Like it seems silly on the surface but I understand how romantic the way this is written is!!!

“You inferred it.” You said, matter-of-factually, although he didn’t, not really.

“You assumed.” He said in the same tone. “I didn’t infer anything, I simply made an observation.”

“Can you observe from elsewhere.. you’re still in my way”

He let out an amused laugh, “Im still waiting on that magic word”

“You are creating a hostile work environment. I feel unsafe. I feel targeted and threatened. How do you feel about yourself, after treating me such a way? You are a horrible evil person. Im going to take this to corporate.” You babbled off into a dramatic tangent which only furthered Spencer’s amusement of the current situation.

god the banter is just so beautifully done, top tier amazing, talented, brilliant, just chefs kiss!!! I can quite literally feel the tension you may have felt as you wrote this!!!! they're joking but then tension, it's there and it's consuming me. please please please, god I need this fic injected into my veins.

“Please” You started before you let out a gentle sob, not of pain, you weren’t in pain, not anymore. “Please don’t let them use a bad— photo of me.. at..- my funeral”

THIS IS SO REAL, YOU REALLY JUST PACKED EVERYTHING IN HERE?!?!?! romance, angst, fluff, comedy, I think I'm in love with you.

“-I didn’t say anything because I was scared of losing her and i lost her anyways.”

I'm not even going to explain why this is important to highlight, but just know that I know!!!!

“Why do you do that?” He asked, squinting his eyes as he looked up at you. You furrowed your eyebrows, “Do what?” There was a number of things he could pull you up on, your avoidance, your jokes, your way of downplaying everything and anything. “Plan the end of things when they have hardly started. You were planning a breakup for a relationship that was doing perfectly fine. You needed space, I gave you space, then you decided you wanted to break up? Why?” He huffed out.

not to be cringe or narssistic, but, I am reader and reader is me.

You hyper fixated on everything that could go wrong and got yourself out of those situations before giving anything a chance to work out itself.

I have never ever ever related more to a reader and have been too scared to write this narrative, but reading it in your fic has inspired me so much.

I'm so grateful you're a kind person and chose to make this a happy ending, because any other way and I truly might have never recovered.

I'm also sorry if I'm coming on too strong btw, I promise I'm not usually like this xx (lie).

cedar | spencer reid

summary; breaking up on good terms and remaining friends is difficult, especially when you and spencer work together, its even harder when your life is put at risk and spencer is faced the possibility that he might really lose you.

warnings; exes who cannot stay exes, angst, fluff, they flirt w each other, fem reader, mentions of being stabbed, all cm minds things, happy ending, avoidant!reader, self sabotaging reader. BUT THERES SOOO MUCH FLUFF GUYS, they flirt and banter so much, reader is sarcastic and very playful, shes lowkey lorelai gilmore coded a little idk

an; cedar is my song. i love cedar, i love gracie abrams. thank u and goodnight. not proof read bc if i read it i probably wont post it. thank u so very muchly to @gghostwriter for all the advice on this fic and letting me yap about it.

‘Breaking up is funny, I forget you aren't mine, I forget you aren't mine. It's impossible to acclimate, every time we talk, we understate, how I know we both could die, we both could die. But you told me that you felt the same, when I told you how I needed space, but I think it was a lie, it was a lie’

“You know pointing is rude.” You mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest as you leant back in your chair. The room went silent as everyone turned their gaze to look at you. Was the timing of your statement the best? No, did you care? Also no. Hotch was in the middle of going on the details of the case you had traveled out to Louisiana for, he was pointing at the screen and the thought just slipped passed your lips before you could help it.

Spencer turned his gaze to you, eyebrow rasied, “Do you ever think before you speak?” He asked. Your lips parted before shutting again, then you let out an amused huff and shook your head, lips pulling into a half teasing smile.

“If I did that I’d lose my sense of humour— you all would be miserably bored.” You sighed back, the smiling pulling further on your lips as the messy haired brunette sitting opposite you raised his eyebrow further and let out a half hearted— almost sarcastic chuckle in return.

He tilted his head slightly, “Humour? Is that what we are calling it?” He asked. You nodded instantly, a wide, half proud smile taking over your features. He hummed, clearly amused.

“Why is pointing rude?” JJ spoke up, your eyes widened in almost excitement to be able to talk about why the thought had crossed your mind in the first place.

“Well when you point you kill all the fairies.” You replied, matter-of- factually. You knew it was technically silly but it was a sweet childish thought that had been engraved in your mind since you were younger and you heard it from a distant relative, probably as a way to you from stop pointing at someone (because that was rude but explaining that to a five year old would be useless so they settled on something more interesting for an adolescent)

Spencer let out an audible laugh, “You are a child.” He said, almost teasingly.

Your head turned away from JJ’s to meet his eyes, this time you sat up a little straighter, “What does that make you?” You teased back, raising your eyebrow at him.

Seemingly, that made his lips part then close, and he resigned, yet there was still a slightly amused smile on his lips, which he bit his lip to try to hide, as he turned his attention away, making your smile only widen as you settled back in place, slumped against your chair as you turned your attention back to Hotch. who was standing arms crossed, clearly unamused by the interruption.

You however just smiled widely at him, “You may continue now. Without pointing, don’t be a fairy murder.” You huffed out. Hotch stared at you for a moment, no emotion evident over his features before he shook his head, turning his attention back to the case at hand.

Your eyes caught Spencer’s for a moment. In those moments it was increasingly difficult to remember you weren’t together, it was further difficult to remember why you had broken up in the first place. The way you interacted, the looking for one another in a crowded room, the soft touches and the teasing taunts went against every breakup ‘rule’

The breakup wasn’t messy. Not really, Not at all. It wasn’t mean, there was no big argument, no mind changer, no feelings lost, it just.. happened. It started when you had admitted to Spencer you were getting overwhelmed with the fast pace of your relationship, and he agreed he was too. You both agreed to take space, time, to reevaluate on what you both needed at this point in time.

When the conversation finally happened, you told him you thought it would be better to end things now, while everything is good so theres no chance of things going bad. You explained your reasoning by saying you didn’t want to lose your friendship with him if that feeling in your chest never went away, you didn’t want things to be awkward at work.

He had agreed, and it was mutual. You both mutually agreed to end things out of the fear of things ending.

It had been a month since the breakup, there was no awkward phase between you two. There was no tension, bitterness. It instantly fell into the same rhythm that had always been there, playfulness, teasing, lingering glances. The only difference was now he didn’t steal kisses to cut off one of your dramatic rambles, or wrap his arms around your waist at the end of the work day to signal he was ready to go.

You hadn’t decided yet, if the breakup was the right thing to do, if keeping this close knit bond with Spencer stumped any chance of you moving on — not that you planned to right now.

The breakup wasn’t messy, but everything after, everything now and everything in your head was.

“Spencer” You poked at his arm as you approached where he was standing, leaning over a desk reading over something, you weren’t sure what it was, you didn’t really care. He didn’t look at you as he let out a hum of acknowledgment, making you smile. “Spencer” You repeated, poking his arm again, and then again, until he turned his head to look at you.

His raised eyebrow and the way his lips pulled into a tight thin line showed he was unamused, not annoyed. You smiled widely at him, “You’re in my way.” You said, something you could have told him when he was half paying attention, but that took all the fun out of it.

He stared at you blankly for a moment, before crossing his arms over his chest, leaning his body against the desk further, turning towards you. Which only further blocked your path. “Thats unfortunate.” He sighed, you squinted at him slightly.

“Can you move.” You huffed. No longer amused because it was less amusing when he was amused as well. Maybe that was silly but you couldn’t help it.

He raised an eyebrow, pretending to think about it for a moment, before looking back at you. You glared at him, crossing his arms over your chest before he spoke. “Whats the magic word?” He mumbled, tone laced with faux seriousness.

A huff left your lips, as you glared up at him, squinting your eyes slightly, “Chivalry is dead?” You suggested sarcastically.

He grinned, “No. And that’s a sentence. I said magic word”

“You know what? I will just go the other way.” You decided, turning on your heels to walk away. A laugh left his lips as he reached out to grab your wrist, stopping you from getting too far, he dragged you back to stand in front of him.

“Stubborn.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he looked down at you, you returned the gaze, tilting your head slightly as you looked up at him, trying to keep the smile threatening to make way onto your face.

“You just noticed?” You replied in the same tone. Although you knew he had known this for a while, he never failed to mention how stubborn you were throughout your relationship, whether it was playful or in the middle of an argument, he constantly reminded you just how stubborn you were.

He shook his head, not bothering to hide the amusement on his face. “No, No. Trust me you make it very known.” He said, emphasising his words to make it clear that not only he, but everyone was aware of your stubbornness.

You smiled, “Being stubborn isn’t a bad thing, you know.” You mumbled, gently pulling your wrist away from his hold, not because you didn’t enjoy the touch but more-so because you felt an undying urge to cross your arms.

He hummed, looking down at you, “I didn’t say it was.”

You tilted your head, the same entertained look in your eye that mirrored his, “You inferred it.” You said, matter-of-factually, although he didn’t, not really. He actually didn’t give any hint to what he meant by his words, but you were okay with that. It kept things lighthearted, easy.

“You assumed.” He said in the same tone. “I didn’t infer anything, I simply made an observation.” He said, raising his eyebrow as if he was trying to figure out how you were going to find a way to reply — he assumed something witty, dramatic.

“Can you observe from elsewhere.. you’re still in my way”

He let out an amused laugh, “Im still waiting on that magic word” He said, clearly enjoying this and the light hearted banter between the two of you.

You rolled your eyes, in a huff of frustration you ramble, “You are creating a hostile work environment. I feel unsafe. I feel targeted and threatened. How do you feel about yourself, after treating me such a way? You are a horrible evil person. Im going to take this to corporate.” You babbled off into a dramatic tangent which only furthered Spencer’s amusement of the current situation.

“I feel pretty great actually.” He shrugged, you glared at him, staying in place for a moment to see if he would move, he didn’t, instead he continued smirking slightly. You groaned dramatically before turning on your heels and walking away. You could hear his laughter as you walked around the opposite direction to get where you wanted to go in the first place.

“I hate when my job actually requires me to do my job.” You huffed out, shaking your head as you tightened the straps of your vest. It wasn’t true, you loved your job, you loved what you did and that wasn’t a question. It was just the dramatics and the emphasis on how tired you were today, although that didn’t stop killers from killing, or kidnappers from kidnapping.

Unfortunately this case was particularly tough, it had taken an abundance of days to just figure out the victimology and connection because of how random the killings were, then it took another day to figure out the MO, then the profile was completed, then the next day, today, you had finally gotten the location of where the unsub was keeping his victims.

“Yeah, Such a struggle, poor you” Spencer mumbled out as he came up behind you, readjusting the straps on the back of your vest to make sure it was on properly, his voice was laced with tease, you just hummed in acknowledgment.

“Make sure you’re careful, and cautious.” Hotch reminded you. You didn’t think much of it at the time, it was the same reminder as always when catching an unsub, don’t do anything unnecessarily dangerous, don’t split up unless necessary, don’t put yourself in a situation that you cant get yourself out of, the words you had heard probably a million times.

You wished you paid closer attention this time.

You and Spencer walked through the house, it had an ominous feel to it, the air in the house was colder than outside, and it wasn’t a particularly warm day — but it wasn’t the temperature that made the house feel as cold as it did.

Instead it was the guttual sobs you heard from underneath the floorboards that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand, and goosebumps to line your arms. They weren’t sobs of pain, instead just ache, a cry so loud begging for someone to hear. Before that you were about to whisper a stupid joke to Spencer, now you felt as if you couldn’t breath.

“Stay here.” He whispered to you. There was something unfamiliar about the look in his eyes and any wit you could muster up was thrown out the window at the sound of his voice. It was a stupid request, you couldn’t just stay here in the hallway while he wandered around. You had a job to do.

When he turned the corner, gun pointed protectively, his movements were calculated and careful, every step he took he knew what he was doing, You thought you did too. The first step you took was quiet and your gun was pointed, your finger hovering over the trigger.

Spencer moved towards the sound of the sobs, you moved towards the living room, trying to clear the downstairs area of the house. There was a pull in your stomach for a number of seconds, a twist of anxiety you pushed to the side to focus on the matter at hand.

That didn’t last. Ignoring the feeling in your stomach turned into gasping at the feeling. A gasp of pain leaving your parted lips as you stumbled forward, the gun left your hand and hit the ground, the sound of the contact blurring as a ringing swindling sound took over your sense of hearing.

You were stabbed. You could feel the metal, more than you wanted to admit, you could feel the way it pressed into your skin, the coldness of it against the warmth of you. A sob of pain left your lips before you could help it. There was someone holding you, wrapping a tight arm around your chest and a hand over your mouth to silence your cry.

The arms weren’t comforting, in any sort of way. They were too tight, too suffocating for the lack of air you were able to breath in between the hand covering your mouth and the pain in your stomach, you wished adrenaline would kick in but it seemed to dwindle out as your head spun, then the knife was ripped away from your stomach.

That hurt.

More than it did when it first went in.

Then you were released from the mans arms and your body collapsed in pain, eyes squeezing shut as your hands scrambled to press against the open wound now bleeding out. You didn’t know where the unsub was, you didn’t hear footsteps, you didn’t really hear anything. Everything seemed blurry, not your sight so much since your eyes were squeezed shut but you could feel your mind blurring with every second that passed, any first aid training you had learnt flew out the window.

You missed it at first, the sound of the door opening, the sound of back up coming in, Derek, Emily. They were in the house now but not in the living room, not where you were lying on the floor in a helpless pool of your own blood. You wanted to yell out, or sob but every sound got stuck in your throat.

Then you felt a larger hand pressing on top of yours, placing more pressure against the wound than your tired arms had allowed, you made out frantic talking but nothing your half conscious mind could string together coherently. It didn’t matter, you could recognise the roughness of the gentle hand anywhere.

“Spencer” You gasped out, panting.

Had you been holding your breath? You didn’t remember but you knew breathing was getting more and more difficult.

His hand pressed against yours, other hand coming to brush hairs out of your face. “Im here. Can you open your eyes for me?” He almost begged, his voice gentle and reassuring and laced with panic even though he tried his hardest to remain calm for your sake.

You didn’t reply, only letting out strangled gasps for air, eyes remaining shut, squeezed tightly, as if the harder you squeezed them shut, the more your pain decreased. Unfortunately thats not how anatomy works.

“Open your eyes for me angel, look at me.” He now did beg. If you were conscious you would’ve given him a look for the use of the term of endearment in your current broken up state, but you could hardly process anything else he was saying, and you were bleeding out so there was clearly more important things.

You struggled, but after a moment peeled your eyes open to look at him. Vision was blurry and fading in and out even few seconds even when your eyes remained open, you couldn’t make out his features, you couldn’t see the tears he was trying to hold back. God you wished you could see his face.

“Good, thats good. Keep looking at me, Okay? We’re getting you help, you’re gonna be okay” He reassured but it was more of a slight reassurance for himself, trying to convince himself as such. His voice became a ringing in your ears, along with every other sound around you.

“Wh- Where- Is—“ You words came out mumbled, muffled by gasps for air and whimpers of pain. “He.” You finished, trying to keep your eyes open, trying to focus, trying to stay alive.

Spencer spluttered for a moment because he didn’t know— He had no idea. Whether the unsub was right behind him or whether they were being taken into custody by Derek or Emily, whether he was lying dead on the floor somewhere. Spencer didn’t know. He couldn’t. How could he focus on anything else?

“I don’t know” He said.

“Go away” You mumbled, eyes now fluttering closed, even in the state of half consciousness you knew Spencer was still in danger, more danger by keeping his back to his surroundings and his focus on you. That was putting himself in an unnecessarily dangerous situation.

He shook his head. “Im not going anywhere. Keep your eyes open.” He repeated.

“Spencer” You huffed out a breath of air, your eyes remaining closed because you were so tired. “Go. You- You aren’t— You aren’t my boyfriend anymore” You huffed out the words that came across way harsher than what you intended them, “Staying- With.. Me isn’t your.. Responsibilty” Your words came out laboured along with the way your chest rose and fell, the breaths that left your lips.

“Don’t say that. Open your eyes.” He shook his head as his other hand trailed down to your neck, fingers pressing against your pulse point. You couldn’t feel it, every part of you and every inch of his touch felt like a lingering sensation over the numbness of your body, your eyes remained shut.

“If i die” You huffed out, your voice quieter, more rushed as you tried to get more air in, “Please” You started before you let out a gentle sob, not of pain, you weren’t in pain, not anymore. “Please don’t let them use a bad— photo of me.. at..- my funeral”

It was the most you things to say before you stopped replying, before your body tensed slightly. To joke, to be playful at a time like this. Spencer wondered if it was an attempt to calm him down, to relax his mind a little bit, to sooth the ache in his soul with the wit that was unforgettably you.

The cream coloured walls seemed taunting, they were warmly lit, contrasting how cold the space felt, how daunting it was. There was different people scattered around, some crying, and grieving, some reading newspapers, others celebrating. There was really no contrast of emotions quite like a hospital waiting room.

“She just got out of surgery. Shes in the ICU.” Hotch said as he stood in front of the few members of the team that were sitting by waiting. Everyone wanted to stay at the hospital and wait throughout the time of your lengthy surgery, not everybody could.

“Is she okay?” Emily asked, sitting up a little straighter as Hotch spoke, Spencer remained silent in place, every part of his body relying on the ache in his chest to keep his heart beating. He didn’t know if he could form words even if he wanted to, he didn’t know if he could speak without his voice breaking.

Hotch was silent for a moment, which caused Spencer’s head to snap towards him in nothing but pure dread. Hotch realised and shook his head. “Shes— Shes fine. Shes alive. Shes still asleep, they said it could be a few hours before she wakes up. The surgery went fine - She will be okay” Hotch sounded relived as his spoke, an unfamiliar sense of emotion in his voice.

“Can I see her?” Spencer spoke urgently before he had even fully understood what he was saying. If he had thought about it for a moment more, he wouldn’t have bothered asking. He wasn’t oblivious to the inner workings of a hospital. ICU. Family members only.

Hotch seemed to know that Spencer already knew what the answer was, “Reid..” It came out regretful, apologetic, empathetic. Spencer didn’t reply, instead re-slumped back in his seat in defeat.

There was hours. Hours before you were awake. In those hours Spencer was nothing short of a mess. He tried to work, reading over case files, trying to summarise what had happened and then the memory of your blood painting his hands came back and he was left in a state of overwhelming thought.

“You alright, pretty boy?” Derek asked, despite the playfulness of his words, his tone was serious. It wasn’t a secret how much you meant to Spencer, it wasn’t a secret how much he cared about you. Spencer looked up from the hospital seat, the room had grown more absent of life as the hours passed, families came and went, the crying stopped and started again, the celebrations happened and passed. Yet spencer never stopped feeling so lost.

He shook his head, saying he was fine would be a lost cause to the knowingness of his best friend, and his current state. He was so evidently not all right that saying so would be humorous. His cheeks were flushed, hair a mess from the amount of times he had run his hand through it, tugged on the strands stressfully.

“You know what she said to me?” Spencer mumbled out as he pulled his gaze away to look at his fiddling hands, “She was laying on the floor, dying, and she told me to go away because I wasn’t her boyfriend anymore” Spencer huffed out the memory.

Derek sighed, taking a seat next to the mess of his best friend. “I don’t think she meant it like that. The situation was still dangerous and you were putting yourself at risk.” Derek said. Spencer wanted to cry.

“I know— I know. She said ‘it’s not your responsibility to stay with me anymore’ — I don’t— I can’t—” Spencer couldn’t articulate the emotions swamping his mind. Everything was overwhelming, every time he closed his eyes he saw you on the floor in a puddle of deep red blood, anytime his fingers remained still for too long it was like he could still feel your pulse running flat against them.

“Breathe.” Derek reminded as Spencer got himself worked up.

“I lost her— I lost her.” Spencer shook his head as the words came out, his hands pulling to his face to rub over his eyes, maybe as to hide the way they’d begun to water, maybe to feel anything besides the heat of his cheeks.

Derek sat up a little straighter to rub Spencer’s shoulder, “Shes okay. They said she will be fine. They just want to look over her for a while. She was in a tough surgery, I don’t know much about hospitals but I’m pretty sure being in the ICU means shes getting all the care she needs to recover better, and faster.” Derek tried to comfort.

“Its- No- I already lost her Derek. I was an idiot and I didn’t say anything — I didn’t say anything because I was scared of losing her and i lost her anyways.” He rambled, an overwhelming force of regret lingering in every word he gasped out.

“Your breakup? I thought that was mutual?” Derek furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Spencer wanted to laugh, because technically it was. Technically they had both agreed, technically this is what he wanted as well.

He just wanted you.

“She wanted space— I thought.. I thought everything would be okay. Then she suggested we break up while things are still good enough for us to end on good terms and be friends. I just — I didn’t want to lose her; I wanted her to be happy and in my life so I didn’t say anything.. I- I settled for being friends because it meant — I thought it meant i still had her” Spencer was a mess and it was evident in the stammer of his words in the midst of his ramble.

“You don’t think you do?” Derek asked, Spencer shook his head as he brought his hand down to rub gently over his chin and bottom lip, a shaky breath leaving his lip’s. “I think you do.. I mean everyone does. You two still act like you’re together.” Derek said, furrowing his eyebrows.

Spencer sighed, “Thats just— Thats how it was before we started dating. Sometimes it feel’s like we are still together.” Spencer mumbled, Derek opened his mouth to speak, but Spencer cut him off. “Shes going to wake up, alone. Her family is in a different state and I’m not allowed to see her? I- This is bullshit.”

“Just say you’re her husband” Emily said, catching both of the boys off guard, they hadn’t heard her approaching. Spencer lifted his gaze from the ground to look at her, eyebrows furrowed. Any other time, if it was for any other person he would probably go over how that went against so many rules, but he couldn’t find himself caring.

Not when it came to you.

He broke protocol. He wondered how many times that had happened today as he sat beside you, his hand on of yours, thumb gently running over your knuckles as you laid still unconscious on the bed. He paid attention to the beeping of the machine, the rhythm of your heartbeat, making sure it stayed consistent like his life depended on it — like your life depended on it.

You mumbled something, causing his gaze to break away from the screen to your face, watching it twist slightly. Your eyes remaining closed, then your hand twisted to interlink your fingers with his. You were evidently in pain.

“Hey- Hey don’t move too much. Do you want me to get your nurse? They can give you some different meds” Spencer ushered gently, leaning closer to the bed as you stirred awake. He wasn’t sure if your lengthy amount of time spent unconscious was purely because of the antiseptic leaving your system or also the need for sleep but he was glad you were awake.

“No” You rasped out. Whatever medicine they had been pumping you with since you got out of surgery did its job. You weren’t necessarily in pain, just uncomfortable. Even with your eyes closed you could feel the brightness of the white hospital lights. You knew where you were.

Spencer squeezed your hand gently, making you now very aware that he was holding your hand. “What the fuck happened?” You huffed out, voice groggy and full of confusion. You knew where you were, you knew it was something that happened on the case, you knew you were stabbed, but everything after the knife made contact with your abdomen was a blur in your memory.

“You were stabbed.” He stated. You opened your eyes to glare at him, “Yeah- Spencer, no shit.” You shook your head, he smiled. “I just— Is everyone else okay?” You asked.

He nodded. Derek and Emily had saved all the victims and the unsub was in custody, he explained that to you softly, mapping out every detail so you could make it out enough in your mind to satisfy your need to know what was going on.

“Next time can you tell him to do better? This bed sucks” You referenced to the unsub stabbing you, and leaving you alive and uncomfortable. It was a joke. You tried to move without causing yourself any pain over the uncomfortable thin mattress of the hospital bed. Spencer smiled and let out a breathy half hearted laugh.

“I’ll be sure to let him know” He returned your playful tone but it was heavier, quieter. It was filled with something more, something unsaid. His eyes dropped from your to back to your hands that were twined together, rubbing his thumb gently over the webbing of your own.

You tilted your head slightly, “What’s wrong?” You asked, it didn’t take a genius to read Spencer. You had memories the is and out’s of his head, or you thought you did. You knew enough.

“I thought I lost you.” He said, shaking his head slightly. His voice was so quiet and filled with guilt. “We broke up and.. because of what? Because we didn’t want to lose each other— I almost lost you.” His words held so much gravity it felt like it had all been taken from your surroundings and you were floating on everything left unsaid and unfinished.

“But you didn’t. Im alive.” You smiled playfully. He said your name, serious, showing he wasn’t playing around about this, that it went further than just this situation. You sighed, and shook your head. There were only so many jokes you could make to downplay the weight of the space between you.

“Okay. We broke up.” You mumbled, looking at him. “Because things were weird and it was too much and if things kept going then if we ended later it wouldn’t be on good terms and then we wouldn’t be able to be friends and thats horrible for everyone” You said, recapping your mutual decision to break up.

“Why do you do that?” He asked, squinting his eyes as he looked up at you.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Do what?” There was a number of things he could pull you up on, your avoidance, your jokes, your way of downplaying everything and anything.

“Plan the end of things when they have hardly started. You were planning a breakup for a relationship that was doing perfectly fine. You needed space, I gave you space, then you decided you wanted to break up? Why?” He huffed out.

You furrowed your eyebrows further at his words, but he was right. Of course he was right. “You said you felt the same.” You mumbled, maybe if he had called you on your bullshit a month ago things would be different and you would’ve worked things out, you two would be together and maybe everything would be different. You also knew it wasn’t his responsibility to try and understand emotions you couldn’t comprehend or communicate to him.

“I didn’t want space, I didn’t want to break up — but I didn’t want to lose you all together.” He admitted. You suddenly felt the wind knock out of your chest. You wondered if the way your heart beat increased showed on the monitor, which seemed all too revealing.

“You didn’t say that.” You muttered.

He sat up a little straighter, not letting go of your hand, his fingers stayed tangled with your own. “Would it have changed anything if i did?” His voice was quiet, as if a question that didn’t need an answer.

“It was going.. too fast” You huffed. The relationship did go fast, but maybe it was because the two of you spent way too many years in this flirty banter phase before either of you actually made a move; maybe because you were both already so comfortable with one another.

“We could have slowed it down.” He said, rebutting.

“And if that didn’t work? If it was all just too much? Then we argue and we end on bad terms and then not only is it awkward for everyone at work but then we can’t even be friends” You repeated your point, the fear engraved in your mind.

“What if it did work?” He shut you up with his point, before he continued. “What if it did work and then everything was fine. What if you told me when things are getting too much or overwhelming you and we work together to fix those issues so we don’t end at all.”

“That’s optimistic.” You mumbled sarcastically. Everything he was saying made sense, everything he was saying was ideally how a relationship would go, but it wasn’t as simple as that for you. You couldn’t help the way your mind thought the worst.

Spencer huffed shaking his head, “You’re stubborn.” He said. And he never let you forget it.

“Im realistic.” You resorted, but you weren’t: You hyper fixated on everything that could go wrong and got yourself out of those situations before giving anything a chance to work out itself.

“You’re an idiot. And I love you.” Spencer exhaled. It wasn’t a crazy love confession because you knew this. He made it known everyday. Even everyday you were broken up. He didn’t need to hide it. “Can you give us a chance? A proper chance without planning our breakup before theres any actual reason for it, please.” He mumbled, half playfully and half so serious.

You considered his words. Honestly your last thought before falling unconscious was the fear that you would die without Spencer knowing how much you loved him, how much regret you lived with for the state you had got yourself into with him, the fear you had of not having him in some way, none of these thoughts you could voice aloud when dying.

“Okay.” You settled.

“Okay?” He asked, repeating it back as if he didn’t believe you. You nodded, repeating it again. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Okay good, because everyone on this floor thinks I’m your husband and it would’ve been really awkward if you just rejected me.”

[starzgaze]

extremely cringe rant coming up

oh my fucking god i hate being titled smart or whatever like?? I'm not even smart by default, my hardest is another person's lowest and it's pissing me off. usually i wouldn't care but atp whenever my family brings it up to show me or my achievements off it brings a bitter taste in my mouth because probably I don't deserve more than half of these achievements. I feel like I'm a fraud for not studying better or whatever

these exams and groupings made me realize like holy shit maybe I'm not that decent like what i thought i was!! these abilities that i thought were good? are fucking ASS. All those years of practicing this and that means nothing because its apparently wrong or I had the wrong concept this whole time but no one was there to tell me it was wrong nor did they even bother to tell me, probably doing it just to see my downfall!!!!!! too fucking bad my biggest hater is myself and they can't stoop lower than me self sabotaging myself

I hate this country and the stupid education system, it's bullshit holy fuck. Not only education is not hardly accessible, people think academics is everything now its painfully engraved into my head if i get a grade lower 90 or even get an 89 which im expecting to see on my card soon I'm a failure in life and I don't deserve this tuition fee to be paid and i should probably scrape the money to pay it myself because my mom is already a single parent struggling to put food on the table and my tuition doubles on the problems she has and im just!!!!! fucking useless!!!!!! I can't even do my part as a student nor as her child so what's the point anymore i should've just got hit or something, in fact im just waiting a horrible event occurs to me and i never recover and just pass away straigjt up

i hatehatehathtatttee this so much i hate being poor, i hate beinf stupid, i hate this life genuinely like i didnt even ask for this but whenever i say this i feel horrible because this was the life chosen for me and i feel like im offending my mother or the people who raised me because they tried their very best and i end up like this!!!!!!!! my exams scores r so bad i dont even think im smart anymore i should just zip my mouth and isolate myself from other people before i say anything I'd regret later which happens alot because there's times i dont know when to shut it or to speak and i watch my grades crumble because i dont know when is the right time to say something or stay quiet

What sucks too people are expecting me to have high grade, great achievements and whatever the fuck. My family and people in my life doesn't say it but i caaaannn feel the expectations because they've always seen me having these certificates I don't even deserve and they expect me to break the stupid generational curse of being poor or whatever and gets us out of poverty and im just!!!! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN ALL OF MY OPPORTUNITIES I WASTE IT BY BEINF SO INDECISIVE OR I'M TOO POOR TO AFFORD SAID OPPORTUNITY.

oh to be a rich nepo baby at this point i dont care anymore i just want to hang myself let's see if I'll be admitted again by the end of the school year

oh u know i dont even think im good in anything i say like i say i like legos but i apparently take too much time and is too stupid to follow instructions or that one time where i claim im good in english then whenever i try to recite or whatever I'd get ridiculed like omfg!!!! is this even worth it??2?2?2?3 should i even TRY AT THIS POINT OH MY GOD????? and then when it comes to art or other aspects in my life i feel like its not even enough or its too fucking ugly like okmfmgmg theyre gonna try to sugar coat it "oh it isnt too bad!!!" shut UP it looks like i vomitted and tried to put glitter on jt its hideous why did i even

I can't becomr an artist, physicist, biologist or any of the dreams i want to pursue because im fucking horrible in everything u know maybe i shluld just KILLMYSE

[erght]

Hi there, internet. Im alive.

Dont worry cs its my latest scan yet, so theres only a couple bits left.

I know it obviously sounds cringe but i just want to say please take care of yourself, do cherish your life even as bitter as it gets since you will never know when it might end.

I honestly so lost back then and i really dared god to just end myself.

Yet im actually that coward when it came onto my door.

I couldnt bear the pain nor the suffering as if a second lasted forevermore.

I couldnt sleep, i couldnt lay still nor walk cs my legs gave up to even try to stood still, i couldnt control my breath, it didnt even felt like theres an air taking in, i urinate blood shot, the pain rendered me so numb i couldnt even control whats leaking out from it, i couldnt process anything i forced myself to eat, its like whatever im taking in was clogged and never went through no matter how long the time has passed, i even felt more relief throwing it all up along the blood clot that i didnt even know happening inside my stomach. i couldnt feel an inch of what i know was my body except the pain that kept reminding me that im still conscious enough to even think as if god was telling me you get what you asked for so now show me.

I couldnt bear hearing my parents woes screaming at the medics to transplant whatever i need from them when they refused to act without further checkups on my body. I couldnt bear hearing them cry saying why cant it be them instead over and over and over that tore my heart to shreds im so sick of it.

I couldnt bear knowing my parents spent their whole fortune to save a life that i so easily throw away just cause.

Worse that i couldnt end myself anymore knowing everything had done to safe this very life that was mine.

And i dont think its only mine at this point.

I dont know how long of whats left of me; they said even if my body able to stop making more of these, it wont ignore the damage on the tissue that was caused from their previous ones. All i could do was giving it time and ease the work that it might need to heal. Worst case it doesnt recover and led to an organ failure, where i could start the countdown since a transplant would only mean a meager of bought time.

And god doesnt seem finished yet; cs now i got myself indebted to the people that holds me dear, i got myself an actual stable job in a company that took care of me and my future (if i get that far) family akin to what my dad did, i got myself cleared from various things that would have troubled me prior all this, and more as if god is trying to test me still with whatever he wanted from me.

Welp i think i should stop it here cs i kept editing it over and over and i felt like some are better to be kept private, but i just want to share this bit so that maybe others like me who might read this would be more kind to themself and cherish whatever theirs with their own ways.

And maybe the fact that you cant refuse the love others gave you no matter how you refuse it with all your might. You might not love yourself but others do, and they love you more than you do, than you ever will give yourself to. You might not realize that you are loved until you are forced to realize that you are loved by things you refused to acknowledge your whole life in denial to.

So please live; cs maybe there will be a time where its our turn to be there for someone else or someone we love when the time comes, or at least thats what i wanna do if i ever get to be one after experiencing all of this.

Or maybe im just dumb and this is yet another bullshit that only i can relate to.

[megalony]

Love goes three ways- Part 3

tomI took a break from this series when it didn’t seem like anyone was interested but I had loads ready and it feels so good to write for this series again. I hope you all enjoy it, feedback would be amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn @dreaming-about-fanfictions​

Series taglist: @angelic94temptress @queenofbeingdepressed​

Masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: Harrison feels like a third wheel, in love with (Y/n) when she’s in a relationship with Tom. But relationships between them all become strained and put to the test when the boys help (Y/n) recover from a stroke.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where was he?

Sadness bubbled up in (Y/n)'s chest that was already flooded with every emotion she could and would ever feel. She was overwhelmed with emotions but sadness and anger were the ones she could feel the most. She had messaged Harrison three days ago, two days ago, yesterday and today and no matter what she said or how many times she texted him, she didn't gain any response.

Why was he ignoring her? Had she upset him by not telling him to stay that first day in the hospital when he had hurriedly left? Was he upset that she didn't try to stop him when he had been so close to kissing her? Did he think that she should have had sense when he didn't and told him that what they were about to do was wrong?

Maybe he was repulsed by her now.

But then again, if the way she looked and how deteriorated she was really repulsed him, why would he try and kiss her?

She was sad to see, he had been crying when he had been here with her, she had called out his name again and again until someone finally realised what she was saying and brought him to her. Then he cried, he was broken to see her in such a state and he clearly couldn't bring himself to see her when she was crumpled down like this. That's why he is ignoring her.

Jealousy.

That little green-eyed monster was creeping up the back of (Y/n)'s neck and dwelling in the pit of her stomach. She was jealous that he was somewhere else with someone else and not with her. Why was (Y/n) even bothered by the fact that Harrison wasn't here?

Tom was here, he had been here with her since he came back that day last week. He had stayed with her, gone home to get washed and changed and then come straight back to her. His parents and brothers had been here, they had kindly brought her grandma down to see her everyday and made sure she was never alone.

But today she was going home. She was going home and for some strange, uncertain reason, (Y/n) was yearning for Harrison to be here with her for her to go home.

"Are you ready to go?"

Casting her eyes up, (Y/n) looked at Tom who stood leaning in the doorway of her room, his hands stuffed into his pockets and his lips curved into a gentle, loving smile.

"Yeah," (Y/n) outwardly cringed at how horrid her words sounded, she was drunk in a bar trying and failing to ask for another drink.

It felt horrid that her mouth wasn't under her control, she could feel it slanting down at the side but she couldn't pull the muscles back up. It was almost funny, (Y/n) had never had to think about keeping her mouth in a straight line and she didn't even realise her muscles were always working so her lips didn't slope down to one side like this. Now she couldn't even force her lips back into their usual shape.

Her words sounded slurred, broken, quiet and mixed with spit and she hated it. She wasn't a toddler, (Y/n) knew how to speak and pronounce words but she was now being told that she was going to need to come back to the hospital twice a week for speech therapy and then again another two times for physical therapy. On Tuesdays she would go to speech therapy then straight to physical therapy, then the same on a Friday so she wasn't coming back to the hospital almost every day of the week.

"Okay honey, here are your meds to take home, some workout sheets you can do at home and some little weights and bits you can take with you."

The nurse (Y/n) had come to know as Hilda walked past Tom, patting his shoulder before she placed the plastic bag of meds into (Y/n)'s duffel bag and put a carrier bag down next to it for her to take with her.

The staff had been amazing with (Y/n), they had dealt with all her moods, with her lashing out when they only tried to help her to the toilet or for a wash. She hit the medication pot out of Hilda's hand at one point and she simply smiled and sat talking to her until she calmed down. They had done their very best for her and (Y/n) would be forever grateful, but she couldn't bring herself to talk to any of them while she had been here for a week. She shook her head, waved her good hand at them or moaned at them.

"Let's get you up and off on your way." Hilda moved her arms out towards (Y/n) in an attempt to try and get her up off the edge of the bed but she pulled her arms back when (Y/n) roughly shook her head and pulled her right shoulder away from her.

"I can d-do it."

Taking a deep breath, (Y/n) leaned her weight onto her right hand that was pressed down into the mattress and slowly shuffled her bum off the edge, her weight shifting to her feet. It felt strange to stand up and have her left leg be completely numb and trembling beneath her. One half of her body was hers and the other half had been replaced with that of a baby that couldn't stand, hold their weight, sit up or babble yet.

A sense of pride and achievement bubbled up in (Y/n)'s chest at the fact that she was stood up on her own two feet without a nurse or Tom there holding her up making her feel like a fake.

Her body slowly turned to the left where the crutches were leaning against the wall for her to take home with her. But she couldn't move properly without them, she couldn't hop because her left side lagged behind and made her fall, it was like hauling another person around that was limp and lifeless.

A gasp flew from (Y/n)'s lips when she tried shuffling her right side towards the crutches but unbalanced her other side in the process. She shuffled, flew then slumped down to the floor, landing on the left side of her body that didn't even feel any pain.

(Y/n) couldn't push herself up when her good side wasn't properly on the floor. She pressed her forehead against the floor to try and push some of her weight up just as she felt Tom's hands on her sides and his body kneeling next to her.

"Baby- baby please just let me help you up." Tom could feel the tears falling from his burning eyes when (Y/n) tried wriggling out of his grip. He knew she wanted to do this on her own and he was so, so proud of her for that but there were just things she couldn't do alone yet. She couldn't expect to be able to do everything as before and help herself without any assistance. (Y/n) needed to learn to accept help where it was necessary like this.

The scream that passed through (Y/n)'s lips made Tom coil in on himself and shrink against her but he couldn't let go of her.

Despite her screams and pleas, Tom secured his arms around (Y/n)'s waist, holding her back to his chest before he pulled them both up to their feet. His lips pressed to the back of her head against her hair, silent, hushing words passing through his lips while Hilda got the crutches and handed them to (Y/n).

Her hand pushed them away before she tried to turn in Tom's arms, not even being able to do that anymore made her scream harder. Her voice drowned out in Tom's chest but she kept screaming anyway because he was listening. Someone was listening to her pleas for help, for her life to be given back to her the way it should be.

"Shh baby, I've got you."

She could feel him kissing her forehead, gently swaying them side to side and the little nothings he was whispering in her ear made her eyes water. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Tom's arms were doing much more than simply stopping her from falling again and he knew it, he was holding all of her broken pieces together, praying they didn't fall apart.

This wasn't going to be easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All (Y/n) wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for eternity until she could wake up and have her body back to normal, back under her own control.

Why were they here?

Pent up anger, frustration and white rage boiled to the surface of (Y/n)'s skin until she was starting to have a cold sweat and steam was coming from her ears. What were they doing here in her home? Why was Tom's mum fluttering round the kitchen making drinks? Why was his dad laughing and chatting away to Paddy while the twins were laughing at something on their phones?

This wasn't a welcome home party. (Y/n) hadn't been away on holiday or somewhere for college or been away at uni. She hadn't just had a baby that they were welcoming home. It wasn't her birthday. She hadn't just moved into the apartment with Tom. It wasn't an anniversary for them or anyone else so there was no reason for everyone to be crowding round here chatting and laughing like nothing was wrong in the world.

They shouldn't be here in her home like they were partying when really they were here to see how she was and watch her settle in like spectators paying to see a show.

"Oh sweetheart you're back. How are you?"

(Y/n) couldn't bring herself to look at Nicki who was always so loving and like the mother she never had. She couldn't give her an answer because Nicki wouldn't be able to understand what she was saying and a smile wasn't even something she could do anymore.

She opted to simply hobble into the apartment instead, putting the crutches in front of her, hopping on her right foot and then dragging her left foot and leg behind her like a dead weight. The little tricks and exercises they showed her to try and get her leg back in action was too much hassle right now when she wanted to be quick and hurry away from everyone.

For a few moments, all eyes were watching her, seeing her reactions, watching her expressions and trying to work out where she was going and what she was trying to do. But then the conversations slowly started back up again when Tom shook his head at his family. They were to act like nothing had happened, this was a normal family gathering that (Y/n) wasn't at the centre of, to make her feel more relaxed in her own home.

With a grunt and a frustrated growl, (Y/n) hazardly threw the crutches away from her, watching them crash into the coffee table and rattle the coasters and two mugs resting there but she didn't care. The noise made everyone freeze and it was like irony that she didn't want their attention but liked their panicked expressions when they watched her act like a spoilt child.

She flopped down onto the sofa, not caring that it wasn't a particularly comfy position. Her hips twisted and bent with her lower legs hanging over the side of the sofa but her upper half laid out on the sofa like someone had moved her in her sleep.

"Here," Harry whispered quietly, placing a cup of herbal tea down on the coffee table before handing (Y/n) the tv remote, knowing she wanted to be in her own world right now.

She stayed silent but her eyes seemed to thaw a little which gave Harry the thanks she couldn't verbalise.

(Y/n) felt herself drifting in her own world, their voices faded into nothing, their hustling around her were ignored and even when her name was quietly mentioned, (Y/n) didn't have the will to care or try and listen to them. She stared blankly at the tv, watching an old Mickey Mouse movie on the kids channel so she could drift into her mind. She was already accepting the fact that from now on, she would be stuck in her mind which would be her sanctuary and her insanity.

A wave of affection and sadness rushed through (Y/n) when Tom came over to her, resting his hand on her hip before he leaned and placed a straw in her cup of tea. Harry hadn't realised that if she tried to drink out the cup, it would dribble and spill down her shirt. A straw was her lifeline for drinks at the moment.

(Y/n) found herself almost asleep on the sofa until a hand gently swatted at the back of her thigh before the fingers started to dance up her leg, over her hip and along her arm. Then she felt the sofa thud when a body flopped down next to her head and sank into the deep, plush cushions.

"Hey there sunshine."

A gurgling gasp left (Y/n)'s lips at that soft voice she had only heard in her dreams for a week now.

She couldn't properly tilt her head up but when she managed it, her eyes locked on Harrison. His big blue doe eyes staring down at her, his lips curved into the most gentle, melting smile she had seen on him in weeks that made her want to smile too. His eyes were hiding purple circles beneath them that were tinged red which also coloured the whites of his eyes too.

He looked tired beyond belief, his eyes older than their years and the creases in his skin showed he was out of energy but he was still smiling at her.

"You're here... I... I thought y-you didn't want to see me." Her words were very slow, calculated and sounded like they were spoken through a tunnel with the wrong echoes coming back to her. She could see him straining to understand what she was telling him but he worked out each word she said.

"I felt bad, I was wrong to... I was wrong and I couldn't do anything to help you. You needed to recover so it was best to let Tom help but I won't ignore your messages anymore."

Harrison's eyes flitted around the room, checking who was listening or close by before he changed his words. He had been wrong to try and kiss (Y/n) and he was hoping she thought it was just in the spur of the moment after thinking the worst for her life. He couldn't have her knowing how much he loved her, she had to focus on recovering and getting better and she had Tom and his family for that, Harrison couldn't give her any extra stress right now.

"You wanna sit up?"

(Y/n) nodded before she pushed her forehead into the sofa and pressed her right hand down to try and shuffle herself up. Her chest tightened and a squeak got swallowed down when she felt Harrison's shoulder suddenly press just under her collar bone. He leaned close to her before gently nudging her with a cheesy grin like he was a dog helping her up with his nose.

His shoulder was a resting post helping to push her without him actually grabbing at her and doing it for her, allowing (Y/n) to push herself up and flop back into the sofa sitting upright.

"Baby, mum's making some lasagne, you want some?" Tom smiled over at Harrison, patting his shoulder before he sat down on (Y/n)'s other side. He could feel his smile start to slip away when (Y/n)'s face seemed to fall and she shook her head. "You need to eat, you haven't had a lot recently."

Lasagne was something (Y/n) loved and it was also something soft and very easier for her to eat. She had to have soft foods at the moment until she built back the strength and control in her jaw and facial muscles to eat properly.

(Y/n) didn't want to eat.

She didn't want people cutting up her food for her, observing her as she ate and watching if she could manage. She could eat fine with her right hand but she had to have small mouthfuls because her mouth was still drooped to the side and it meant if she had a full mouth the food would pass through her lips. She felt like a child with people wanting to spoon-feed her and watch her so she didn't choke. Even when having a drink she seemed to spill it either from the cup or from her lips and get it everywhere.

"Come on sunshine, Nicki's food is legendary." Harrison rested his elbow on the back of the sofa and his head on his hand, smiling gently over at (Y/n) but their persuasions didn't seem like they were going to work.

"This isn't me, I'm not li..living like this."

A sadness washed over Tom, his eyes locking with Harrison whose smile faded and was replaced with sorrow.

He leaned over and kissed (Y/n)'s cheek before taking her hand in his to try and give them both a sense of comfort.

(Y/n) couldn't live like this, she wouldn't allow herself to continue like this. Her mind was already made up and she didn't care what anyone said or tried to do to persuade her otherwise. She was going to go to physio and speech therapy, she was going to do her best and work as much as she could to get herself back to how she was before the stroke. But if it took too long or it wasn't working, (Y/n) wasn't going to live like this.

Dying would be better than this warped existence.

[yesimwriting]

Crossing lines

General Kirigan/the darkling x reader

Summary: This was requested by my friend @vvsdiamond28 who also writes and has a really good kirigan x reader story up right now! The request was basically for a fic in which the reader is out wandering at night and runs into kirigan while he’s in the banya and then they get to talking and some other stuff before he admits to only trusting the reader and giving her his real name. This gets kinda steamy bc of the request and bc the story called for it lol but it’s not full smut bc i decided that it would be better to do that as a part 2 so that i could add some jealousy tension haha

a/n i think im back?? Ive been working on requests a lot and ive really enjoyed writing regularly again. A small side note, after rewatching revenge of the sith im kinda in the mood to try writing an anakin fic 😭 pls he was my OG fictional crush,, so either send help or a request for him or something, Anyways,, back to this fic--ahh i had fun writing it but i still feel awkward writing steamier stuff so be nice!! 

-- 

Those that wander in the night, lost in uneasy thought--there’s probably a lot that can be said about them. But I can’t think of anything to be said about me. Nothing good comes from walking around a place full of powerful and tense people in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t take much effort to interpret my actions as suspicious, and yet I continue forward. I’m an idiot--just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean I have to wander around campgrounds. My presence is barely tolerated here, I shouldn’t try backstroking in waters I can barely tread. 

But still, I walk, eyes more fixated on the open night sky than anything else. The moon is as full as an overflowing glass, the stars twinkling as if desperate to compete with a light it will never be able to duplicate. I sigh, pressing my lips together. Maybe the stars and I have more in common than I thought. Normally, that would be a good thing. 

Letting out a weary breath, I continue forward, away from the relative safety of the main tents. I’m still on the grounds, I’m approaching the border where the tents of higher ranking officials are. That should make me more nervous, but if anything it almost eases me slightly. 

General Kirigan is not the type to be friendly, and yet our interactions have always been laced with a touch of intimacy I can’t quite explain. We’ve been alone together more and more frequently, and I think that’s how I like him best. It’s strange, but when we’re alone some of his sharpness dulls, leaving space for something I might consider humor or actual personality on anyone else. He probably speaks to many girls like that when they’re alone together--a fact I have to fight to remind myself of--but it’s the closest thing to friendship I have here. Maybe it’s foolish to hold onto that, but I can’t bring myself to release my grip on those sentiments. At least not yet, when the kind moments are still rare and fleeting and no line has been crossed. 

The danger, however, comes from the prospect of not recognizing lines before they’re crossed. Even now, as I walk aimlessly in the night, pacing in hopes of exhausting my thoughts, I’m crossing lines in a much more literal way and even these are ill defined. I must be in new territory now, and even that I can only vaguely recognize because of the strangely humid scent that surrounds this area of the grounds. 

I’m near the banya. I didn’t intend to wander here, but the thought of splashing water on my face is too tempting to pass up on. I move closer, finding a sense of peace in having some direction, even in a small way. 

When the promise of water is only steps away, I begin to regret everything. There’s a figure in the bath. I freeze, ready to attempt to shrink away in hopes of disappearing before I’m caught. This could easily turn extremely awkward even though I technically haven’t done anything. Most people don’t bathe at this hour. Who bathes this late at night? 

I keep my eyes on the individual, trying to make out who they are and how aware they are of their surroundings in the dim light. Pale skin, dark hair--unbelievably attractive torso. My eyes linger there longer than they should. I force my gaze upwards, towards their face as if that can erase my ogling. Embarrassment leaves my face burning--I’m not the ‘ogling’ type, and this person doesn’t even know I’m here. I keep my eyes on them as I step back, taking in unaware features as best I can in the dark. 

I know them--I--Saints, it’s Kirigan. 

Fantastic. Of course he has to be even more impossibly attractive while shirtless and wet. I turn my head upwards sharply, more desperate to not be caught than ever. I would never, ever recover from being caught. Whether he’d tease me or be angry with me, I don’t know. I also don’t know which option I’d prefer. 

I step back again, my gait wider due to my urgency. Snap. The sound of both a twig and my chance of a stealthy escape being shattered. I cringe, craning my neck to the left in a desperate attempt to make it clear that I wasn’t watching him. I take another desperate step, ready to duck behind a nearby tree. Maybe he hasn’t seen me--maybe he’s distracted and assumed that some kind of rabbit or something passed by. He may not actively dislike me, but I’m not sure any semblance of favor he may have for me extends to this situation.

“Y/n.” His tone reveals nothing but his level of certainty. Ignoring him will only make me seem guilty. 

I pause, keeping my gaze off of him. “Yes.” It wasn’t really a question, and yet I still answer it like one. “I was--I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d get some air, and I was walking kind of aimlessly and I ended up here and I didn’t think anyone would be here.” Why do I feel like I’m making this situation worse? “I’m sorry--I’m gonna--I’m going to go now.” This is the kind of embarrassing moment that will come back to me when I’m trying to fall asleep at night. I know it.

“You know the polite thing to do after intruding is to make eye contact.” 

I don’t think my face has ever felt this warm before. At least he doesn’t sound angry, but his voice doesn’t reveal that much. I raise my gaze carefully, turning my head slowly. “I didn’t mean,” I exhale slowly, “It wasn’t my intention to intrude.” 

He straightens slightly at my words, exposing more of his chest. I stay still, eyes trained on his to avoid an accidental lapse. “You could make it up to me by offering conversation.” Kirigan’s tone is deliberate, his words measured and calm. I don’t speak, feeling like I’m being presented a test I don’t understand, but most of our conversations leave me feeling like that. “Only if you’re comfortable.” 

And just like that, I’m backed into a corner. A challenge. To deny him now would be to expose the effect he has on me. My chin raises a fraction of an inch as I take in that assured half-smirk. “Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?” 

Kirigan arches a dark brow, assessing my response. “Then sit,” his voice has not changed, “You want air and I want company.” 

I don’t think anyone that looks as good as he does shirtless has ever had trouble finding company, especially with the smooth way he speaks. Despite this, I step forward to accept his challenge without calling him out on his coyness. Each step is the crossing of another invisible line until I’m near the water’s edge. I make sure to keep my nightgown at a respectable length as I sit down. 

I make a point of extending my legs towards the water while leaning back so that I can’t be easily accused of being a coward. “I feel the need to warn you that I might not make particularly interesting company.”

He angles his head to the side slightly, drawing attention to his jawline and neck. I force my stare to focus on the water. “I’ve never found you uninteresting.” 

There’s something resigned in the way he says this. On instinct, I look up, taking in the slight softening of his features. The release of his usual sternness only adds to his beauty, a fact that I’m already resenting. 

“You may be the only one.” It’s not meant to be a deprecating comment, but I’m not sure my partial laugh softens my bitterness. I hope it does--I’d rather his interest than the interest of my entire unit. 

Kirigan shifts forward, the water moving with him. “Do you think that any coldness you’re experiencing has to do with you?” 

The question has me drawing my eyebrows together. What else could it be? I shrug, “I’ve considered it.” 

He nods once, eyes hardening slightly. “Do you always have trouble sleeping?” 

The personalness of the question shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does. Kirigan seems to only understand boundaries when he’s the one setting them. “Not really.” A partial lie--this time I’m glad I can’t quite bring myself to look at him. “It’s not uncommon for me, but it’s not something I deal with every night.” 

I risk shifting my eyeline when I hear the sound of water moving. Kirigan’s now resting an arm on the rim of the pool, wet skin dangerously close to my ankle and lower calf. “It’s not always easy,” his voice is low now, “Being alone with your thoughts.” 

That’s not the kind of reply I’d expect from him. I blink twice before turning to study his expression. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him seem so tired--so weary and human and in need of something. The line between his eyebrows and the far off quality of his eyes leave me with the strong desire to give whatever it is he needs to him. The urge to reach out, to touch him in hopes of breaking him free from his odd trance leaves my stomach knotted. That line is too clear to cross so recklessly.

I need to chase away the serious atmosphere he’s created. “Is that why you bathe so late at night?” I let myself smile, “To avoid thoughts?” 

“I like the peace of it.” Something akin to amusement touches his words. “And for the record, little dove,” the nickname is pointed and earns him an eyeroll, “The warm water doesn’t exactly chase away thoughts so much as encourages others.” He pauses. “You understand, considering you can barely look at me.”

This is the most embarrassing thing to have ever happened. The suggestive jilt to his words has to be intentional. Damn him. I turn my head, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “I can look at you just fine.” 

“And if I were a Heartrender and could hear your heartbeat your pulse would be normal?” The question is teasing, a small smile pulling at his lips. 

The warmth in my face increases, spreading down my neck. Kirigan’s expression remains smug. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.” 

“No?” He leans forward, angling his head so close to me I can faintly feel the warmth of his breath on my lower calf. “I find myself amusing.” 

At least being around him like this is getting easier. I open my mouth, ready to provide some sarcastic comment I haven’t thought out yet. My mouth clamps shut on instinct when I feel his touch on my ankle. The faint contact quickly grows, his fingers brushing up my ankle and calf, leaving drops of cool water across my skin.

“What are you doing?” That’s a--a fair question, right? I’m not sure, rational thought slipping from me more and more with each passing second. 

“Nothing, really,” his reply is quick. “Nervous?” 

There is no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I roll my eyes, fighting against my instinctual fluster. “No,” a full lie, “You’re just getting me wet.” 

“Barely.” When he’s not busy being brooding he’s not much better than an irritating child. He retracts his hand slowly, fingers grazing my skin slowly as he submerges his hand beneath the water. The loss of contact should feel like a victory. It doesn’t. “Y/n,” he shifts closer, back straightening.

There’s an odd seriousness to his demeanor that almost leaves me reeling. “Yes?” 

He beckons me forward. I hesitate, but comply, letting myself shift closer to the water’s edge. Kirgan’s lips part, but no words leave him before he moves his arm, purposefully splashing water over my thighs and bottom of my nightgown. I let out an instinctively annoyed sound. “That is getting you wet.” 

“Kirigan!” My tone is as menacing as I can make it, but he continues to grin. There’s such a lightness to the look I almost forget to be annoyed. Almost. “I should tell the entire Second Army how much of a child you are.” 

My threat does nothing, his smile softening without fading. “They fear me too much for your stories to make a difference.” He says this flatly. “All of them except you.” 

I don’t know if I’m supposed to make something of that comment. A brief moment passes in which I think his eyes come close to softening. Maybe that’s a side effect of seeing the world as you want. Wait...what do I want? Him? No, no, I can’t. 

Okay, he’s objectively attractive and sometimes I think I may see more depth in him than he wants to be capable of. But that doesn’t mean I’m allowed to want anything with him. Even if he was trustworthy enough for me to be with him in any capacity...even casually, it could never happen. Nothing good could come from having relations with the highest ranked general and I doubt he’d ever want me like that. He likes to fluster people and I’m an easy target. I just accept it because being some level of entertainment to him is better than being nothing to everyone. 

“I don’t think there’s much point in fear.” It feels like a fair answer. The fairest answer I can manage, anyways. 

He sighs, the sound heavy. His hand stretches forward cautiously. I watch him and make no attempt to stop him from touching my lower calf. His fingers trace absentmindedly across the skin. “Of course you’d think that.” 

Again, I don’t know what to make of his words. Or his actions. He couldn’t find anything wrong with me just slightly adjusting my position. It’d be a polite way to remind us both of the natural order of things. But then again, someone like him is allowed to be mad about anything. And I’m not sure I want to remind us of our place. 

Actually, I’m completely sure that I want the opposite of that. But admitting that to myself is enough of a risk. I’ve already crossed thousands of tiny lines and what I want will require us to cross a thousand more. 

“I’m a little surprised you’re not reminding me how foolish a notion like that can be.” 

He lets out a tiny breath as he shifts even closer to me. “Maybe I’m enjoying your foolishness.” 

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or the opposite.” 

The slightest hint of a smile is visible to me beneath the moon’s glow. There’s something about darkness that adds beauty to things. I wait for him to reply, but instead of speaking his  hand moves further up my leg. I struggle to hide my reaction to his long fingers trailing up my skin.

He’s touched me before, sure. Tiny moments in which he’d push a strand of hair out of my face or wipe at a bit of dirt on my cheekbone. More recently, he had gripped my hip firmly to guide me through a crowd of soldiers. He had been in a hurry, stealing me from a conversation with the only member of my unit that’s been somewhat friendly to me. It wasn’t serious--he had just been rushing me because he only had a minute between meetings and apparently he had too long of a day to not take a moment to speak with me. 

“Are you alright, Dovey?” Normally, the nickname and all of its variations earns him an eyeroll. But everything is a lot less humorous with his hand half up my lower leg, leaving a trail of cool water wherever he touches. 

His fingers press more firmly into my skin. “Yes, I’m fine--it’s just late.” 

“Hm…” Kirigan breathes before tilting his head slightly. “You’re warm.” I stay silent as his hand shifts slightly. “Perhaps too warm.” 

If I’m hot that has absolutely nothing to do with fever. “I’m fine, General, I promise.” 

“Come closer,” he says, “It’ll take me no time to check.” 

...A little too convenient. My nightgown is still embarrassingly damp from the last time I eased tonight. “Please tell me you don’t find me that naive.” 

“Naive? No.” He lifts his hand slightly. “Warm? Yes.” I still don’t trust him. “I’m not going to do anything. I promise.” 

His eyes are dark and the limited lighting of the moon doesn’t offer me much in my analysis, but what I can see makes him seem genuine. “Why do I feel like that’s not the first time you’ve had to say that?” Despite my comment, I move towards him. 

The back of Kirigan’s palm is pressed to my forehead for less than a second. He brushes his hand down the side of my temple, rotating his wrist so that his fingertips can touch my cheek. His hand then continues to move down my jawline and then my neck...and then finally trails down my collarbone. I bite my tongue to avoid exhaling audibly at the contact. 

“Warm,” he concludes with a tsk, and yet he doesn’t withdraw his hand. “Though that could just have to do with the climate.” His thumb slips beneath the sleeve of my nightgown. “Perhaps you could benefit from joining me.” 

I bite my tongue to avoid letting out a surprised, embarrassingly enthusiastic squeak. I don’t know what’s gotten into him...maybe it’s the night air and the prospect of being fully alone. I should be strong enough to break whatever spell he’s starting to place on me. But I’m not. I’m really, really not. 

He pulls on the sleeve of my nightgown slightly. “I’m…” 

“Unless you’re nervous?” Another damn challenge. To shy away from this would be to expose myself. He tugs on the sleeve a little more assuredly, exposing my shoulder to the humid night. “Do I make you nervous?” 

His voice comes out a shallow rasp. I feel it straight in my core. “...Not more than you should.” 

“More than I should?” 

Ugh--too honest. I let myself get distracted. It shouldn’t be too difficult to explain what I meant. He knows he’s feared. He wants to be feared. “I’m sure we’re both aware that there are a fair amount of cautionary tales revolving around you.” 

His hand falls next to my lap. Oh? I didn’t expect to miss the contact between us so much. His expression seems to have fallen slightly as well. Was it my response to his question? It felt fair and straightforward without being too blunt. “And you believe every cautionary tale you hear?” 

There’s something stiff about the way he asks the question. His moodiness is making me miss his touchiness even more. At least then I didn’t have to feel like I made a mistake. Did I say something wrong? “Should I?”

“It depends on whether or not you plan on being brave.” 

“I told you...I don’t see much point in fear.” 

“And yet you’re still there.” A bit of humor returns to his voice. “Why is that?” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift forward, letting my legs dip into the water. This is as far as I should let this go. I’ve already lost too much more control. “Better?” He’s strangely tense again, a hint of something bitter playing at the smug look he tries for. “You alright?”

“Of course you’d ask me that.” He says this with a tired sigh. “You can never make things easy.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

He shifts backwards slightly. I can feel the distance between us like I’d feel a pebble in my shoe. “Do you believe all the stories about me?” 

Is he still bothered by that? “I didn’t mean it as literally as you’re taking it. All I meant is that people are intimidated by you, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s the way things have to be, you’re the only Shadow Summoner in existence and the army needs you to be intimidating so that they can act on your guidance.”

“The way things have to be,” he echoes, his voice strangely weighted. “There’s a specific kind of loneliness that comes with being feared by everyone.” 

Oh--I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him feel defeated like that. I reach for his hand without thinking, pulling his fingers towards my lap. “I don’t--I’m not scared of you.” It’s a weak attempt to comfort him, but it’s the only one I can think of. “That probably doesn’t mean anything, but I--” 

His hand turns in my lap, squeezing the exposed part of my thigh. “It means something.” Kirigan’s voice has hardened in a different way. “You’re the only person I’m certain of.” 

Everything in me seems to tighten at that. At the implication of something so personal from someone so closed off. “Kirigan, you don’t have to be as alone as you feel. You talk to me all the time and you do so in a way that makes it easy to forget the cautionary tales.” His hand moves further up my thigh. I fight as I try to remember our usual dynamic. “You’re the only one that talks to me like that.” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe the others refuse to take to you because of the favor I’ve shown you? The instinct to stay away from me is strong enough to extend to those around me.” Kirigan’s hand moves higher up my thigh. “To be near me is to involve solitude.” 

“I don’t care.” The answer leaves me too quickly. “Being near you is worth it.” 

He leans closer before resting his chin on my knee with no hesitation. “Careful, you don’t understand the line you tread.” Kirigan places his hand more firmly between my thighs. “Or perhaps you do...perhaps you know what you want to cross.” 

This time I can’t help the airy sigh that leaves me. Kirigan pushes against my thigh slightly, separating my legs. I feel his breath on my inner thigh before I know what’s going on. I can’t move, I can’t think, I can’t even breathe. That inability to do anything but feel my heart pound against my chest only worsens as I feel his lips press into the inside of my thigh. His lips trail up my skin before his teeth gently sink into the top of my thigh. 

“Is the line you want to cross?” He breathes the question so softly I feel like I’m being coddled. Everything in me feels too hot to think of any kind of coherent response. Kirigan uses his free hand to pull the fabric of my nightgown as high up my thighs as he can from his position below me. “Or maybe this is the line you want to cross?” Kirigan pulls me forward so suddenly I let out a tiny gasp. I’m not fully on the edge of the banya. “Or perhaps this one?” He kisses the skin of my inner thigh gently. Each time I exhale too loudly, his teeth graze my skin. He gets harsher with each passing second. “Lay down.” 

My body listens to him on instinct. How is this happening? How am I this powerless to fight against something that’s so clearly wrong? The sound of water shifting causes my entire body to tense. He’s pulled himself out of the water. Kirigan moves above me instantly, water dripping from his toned chest and dark hair and onto my still damp nightgown. 

Before I can speak, he’s on me completely, his lips pressing against my jaw. He kisses down my neck, his teeth grazing against my skin sporadically. He pulls away from me by tracing his tongue across my collar bone. I let out something dangerously close to a moan. “Such pretty, little sounds.” 

“Kirigan--” 

“The only name I want you to hear from your lips is the only name that I’ve not given myself. The only name that holds meaning to me.” 

His lips graze where my skin meets the hem of my now soaked through nightgown. I’m not sure the poor lighting is offering me enough coverage now. There’s no way the thin fabric leaves much to the imagination while being this wet. He kisses up my chest and neck until his lips reach the shell of my ear. 

“Aleksander.” The name is grace in the form of a breath so soft it’s more like I’m feeling the name than actually hearing it. 

He presses his lips against the spot on my neck directly beneath my ear. I exhale into the contact. “Aleksander.” As I test his true name on my tongue, his teeth dig into my skin much more harshly than before. 

I let out a partial squeak at the sudden shift in pace as his hands grip my waist. “Say it again. Say my name again.”

He traces his tongue gingerly over the skin he just aggravated with his teeth before I can speak. The soothing sensation is so much I can barely find my voice. “Aleksander.” 

His hand bunches the bottom of my nightgown, raising the fabric to my hips. “...Say it just like that.” Kirgan’s rough hand slips between the bone of my hip and the fabric of my hip. “Like I’m the only one that knows you like this.”

“Aleksander.” I breathe as he traces invisible patterns into my skin with his lips. “Aleksander.” Each use of his name earns me extra attention--a stronger hold on my hip, a more adamant nip at the base of my neck. I feel my need for him so heavily I swear it’s leaked into my bones. “Aleksander.”

When he pulls away, I fight the urge to whine. The night is still humid, but with the absence of his touch I feel like I’m shivering. He regards me silently for a long moment before shifting his weight again. I feel my heart stall in my chest as his hand softly brushes a strand of hair out of my face. He lets his hand linger there, at the apple of my cheek. The entire world seems to stall as he leans down, his hand cupping the side of my face as his mouth inches closer to mine. 

“I can feel the fluttering of your heart.” 

Any poor defense dies in my throat as his lips meet mine. He gives me no time to think about what’s happening as he presses into me even harder. Kirigan holds my face as his teeth graze against my bottom lip. My mouth opens slightly in surprise, giving him the opportunity he needs to slip his tongue into my mouth. His tongue slowly brushes against mine, coaxing me into total, delirious, compliance. When he starts to pull away, I react, my hands flying forward to grab his hair. He lets me get away with tugging him towards me, prolonging the kiss as he bites my bottom lip. 

One of his hands leaves my face and travels up the hands holding onto his hair. He pulls me off of him easily, pinning both of my wrists above my head with one hand. “Easy,” Kirigan warns, “You’ve been such a good girl, let’s not ruin it before we’ve started.” 

A tiny sigh leaves me. I can feel the pride he takes in that as his hand trails further down my body. His fingers ghost along the hem of my underwear teasingly. 

“Is someone there?” I’ve never damned the voice of a stranger more. 

Panic and dread roll in my stomach. I’m going to get caught like this, with my nightgown bunched at my hips beneath the General Kirigan. An unclothed, wet, General Kirigan. “I’m bathing.” 

Okay...good...Aleksander spoke. Anyone with common sense would run at the thought of invading on Kirgan’s privacy. It’s a good thing that the soldier had the sense to linger behind a thicket of bushes. “Pardon General, but there’s been a crucial development. A new strategy should be thought of as soon as possible.” 

No. No. The thought of losing contact so entirely, of having a moment that should have never happened be ripped from me before it’s even really happened is overwhelming. I feel my lips pull into a pout. Kirigan’s hand adjusts on me, his thumb pressing teasingly over where I’m neediest. I bite my tongue to avoid making an inappropriate noise. 

“Five minutes--I’ll be in the strategy tent in five minutes.” 

“I’ll tell the others, General.”

Great. I hear the stranger disappear, his feet crushing twigs and grass as he leaves us. Aleksander’s attention returns to me quickly. Disappointment swells in my chest as I take in the solemn look that crosses his features. His hand moves to my chin quickly before pulling me into another deep kiss. It’s too short lived. 

“I have to go.” 

Frowning, I lift my hand to trace my fingers up his arm. It’s softer than I should allow myself to be, but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Not when this is probably never going to happen again. “Do you?” I mumble to myself, half joking.

He sighs once, his thumb brushing against my cheek. “No pouting.” 

Now that whatever little bubble we were in has popped, I’m capable of normal feelings. Including shame. “I am n--” 

“Easy, little dove, I’ll remember all of this when I find you again.” 

This...this is going to happen again? “You’re going to find me?” 

“I haven’t yet heard your voice crack on my name as I undo you.” He punctuates the promise with a kiss to my jaw. “Again.” Another kiss. “And again.” Another brush of his lips as he finally pulls away. “And again.” 

My breath catches itself in my throat as he moves off of me entirely. Damn whatever change in the war that’s pulled him away from me so suddenly. I sit up as he stands. I’m not sure where to look now that he’s not in close enough proximity to cloud my thoughts. I should leave as he dresses, but I can’t quite bring myself to. It doesn’t feel safe, not when the man that interrupted us could reappear at any moment. Not when I want to hold onto his presence like this as long as possible. 

 He squeezes my shoulder warmly as he passes before bending down to press one more kiss next to where his hand is. 

“Soon,” he promises again. 

--

General taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy  @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

[shjapologist]

please introduce yuor blorbos to us

kyaa okay so one thing about me is that i love whzn theres a guy who lacks common sense . i'll introduce them by order of current real estate taken in my brain

lets start w lu bixing my good friend lu bixing from can ci pin

hes a scientist hes a gangster hes a genius hes a teacher he exclusively goes by the YOLO principle and if he stops for 2 seconds to think about the cost of his life he will start spiralling immediately

this is a man who has invested 1000 points in charisma and intelligence and 0 on wisdom. a man who will inject himself w a supersoldier chip just to see what it does. a man who gets himself out of shit by talking as fast as possible and is so convincing he sets off chains of events that end up sparking revolutions

introduced as showy flirty love interest, IS the showy flirty love interest but has the advantage of being insane so hes not boring abt it. guy who makes spreadsheets in his mind about how the commander has to be in love with him now definitely. hes gathered the data. hes using the scientific method. no way around it. frankly incredible

a very genuine and straightforward guy :) hes also so vaain it's def a charm point. very aware that he has terrible terrible taste in men as well but cannot stop himself from being down catastrophic for the biggest bastard in the galaxy. this is only one of the many times he acknowledges it :

hes such a charming character ive never insta stanned like this in my life. occupying every one of my spare thoughts these past few days i cant stop thinking about him and his happy childhood <- said in the most wretched tone

and. lastly. he is the FUUNNIEESSTTTT

on to blorbo number two sung hyunjae from sclass

very recently dethroned from number one. another thing abt me is that i like men who are huge cunts 😔

in his cringe toxic murderbasement ml era for the first hundred chapters of the novel terrible vibes hes got you booing and throwing tomatoes And Then His Birthday Happens and youre never the same person you once were

the bzst way to describe the character developpement this guy went through is a pic of him bllack and blue all bones shattered at the bottom of the stairs w a giant arrow pointing down like "WHAT LOVE DOES TO A MF" HEEEEESSS so special. to me. with his dumbass bloody fork

hes a guy that values his agency over anything else he loves being himself he loves living as the guy who is sung hyunjae so im a big fan of how its always at a certain level of danger. lol. his pre-regression self is so miserable and pathetic everything in that regard went terribly wrong for him his intro is one of my fav arcs :)

anyways he actually has the potential to be a genuinely nurturing presence but its so rare for it to be pertinent to his personal agenda you wouldnt Know. but then You Do Know. bc he gets drop kicked into being a real boy through escalating psychosexual games and being offered a reaching hand time and time again by the only person who ripped through the script and called him a huge bitch. you also see him tip over from standard selfishness into the kim dokja register and that is a terrible thing to happen when theres a han with abandonment issues around.

rly enjoyed seeing him turn into a fucking auntie who knits hot pink ensembles in his spare time and discovers the mundane wonders of the world and maybe the indignity of human emotion who knows(LMFAO) so anyways yes tje power of love saved him znd now hes malewife stepdad supreme half of the shit he does makes my face clip through my bones from embarrassment he has to be the most annoying fictional man ive ever seen. (through tears) youre old and decrepit grow up already bitch!!!

and so sorry im about to make you look at truly heinous images but a very very fucking funny thing that happened in the sclass webtoon is that they called on a guest artist to render his scenes in the most shoujo like way possible. NEVER recovering rom this

numberthree . yan suizhi from first class lawyer...

genius lawyer is thought to have died, is instead shoved in the body of a random guy . so the first thing he does is join up the internship program organised by the college he used to teach at to investigate his own murder. the problem is that he is complete PANTS at pretending he is not a genius lawyer so his mentor is inventing new stages of grief to go through daily

he's the impenetrable cheerful facade type. a very good bald faced liar.. once you defrost him you find out hes living his life to the fullest to cope with how deeply lonely he is :) heres a part that rendered my brain to mush

i miss you yan suizhi i need to catch up to lawyer novel sometime for real.

blorbo number four always a constant little buzz in the back of my mind YOO JOONGHYUK(allof them)

i dont think i need to wax much poetic about him. the only time traveler progamer eldest daughter grill boss . i think this should go in a museum

ok thats all the main ones i think . there's a crouching blorbo in lin jingshu from can ci pin as well but i havent seen quite enough of her yet for her to properly latch onto my brain. airing out the deep evil inside of her now that society is collapsing. crazy

thank you for listening <3 :)

[secretivemessenger]

what is this + L + ratio + wrong + get a job + unfunny + you fell off + never liked you anyway + cope + ur allergic to gluten + don't care + cringe ur a kid + literally shut the fuck up + galileo did it better + your avi was made in MS Excel+ur bf is kinda ugly + i have more subscribers + owned + ur a toddler + reverse double take back + u sleep in a different bedroom from your wife + get rekt + i said it better + u smell + copy + who asked + dead game + seethe + ur a coward + stay mad + you main yuumi + aired + you drive a fiat 500 + yo mama + ok + currently listening to rizzle kicks without u. plus ur mind numbingly stupid plus ur voice is ronald mcdonald.you fell off + ratio + you're white + you're british + who asked + no u + deez nuts + radio + don't care + didn't ask + i'm a minor + i'm neurodivergent + caught in 4k + cope + seethe + GG + in 1947 the world's first general purpose computer, the 30 ton ENIAC was created + your mom's + grow up + L + L + retweet + ligma + taco bell tortilla crunch + think outside the bun + ur benched + ur a wrench + i own you + ur dad fell off + my dad could beat ur dad up + ur aimhacking + silver elite + tryhard + boomer + sksksksk + ur beta + i'm sigma + ur submissive + L (part 3) + yb better + ur sus + this is a cry for help and i'm extremely depressed. + quote tweet + you're cringe + i did your mom + you bought monkey nft + you're weirdchamp + you're a clown + my father left me at the age of 4 and i never recovered since + my dad owns steam + who want me? + i'm lonely + they didn't think it could possibly happen, but they're releasing L +Don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + stay mad + get real + L + mald seethe cope harder + hoe mad + basic + skill issue + ratio + you fell off + the audacity + triggered + any askers + repelled + get a life + ok + and? + cringe + touch grass + donowalled + not based + your a bitch + not funny didn’t laugh + you “re” + grammar issues + go outside + get good + u cum when ratioed + probably cum in ur pants

this is a joke dont get mad lol 🧍

OMFG IM sCREAMING 😩😩😩😩

[transpat]

been thinking about the thing you said a while back about pran falling all over again in ep 3 and you're so right... We literally watch pran become more starstruck, giving in to the inevitably that a pran in the vicinity of a pat will fall for him no questions asked

Plus how we see pran's version of repression plays out here too. Where pat's is all or nothing (pran is just a Dude that is There oh Wait I am in love with him and always will be) pran compartmentalises so well. Like, yeah he used to have a crush in high school and he'll think about it and reminisce a little because it's just a silly little old high school moment

And because he's compartmentalised so well, everything before he admits to having a crush everything is Not A Big Deal - he'll save pat in his phone as Just Friend, they'll do their play fighting moment in that room in ep 2 but his reaction to that compared to his reaction to pat applying bruise cream on his shoulder in ep 4?

Idk it's just so interesting, they're such consistent characters.

(plus wai asking him if he has ever had a secret crush when he's trying to write Our Song is the same thing he asked Pat when he was trying to write Just Friend? ✨parallels✨)

(im sorry it took me so long to respond med school's beating my ass 🙏)

yeah yeah like all his reactions to pat start to change from ep 3 like he definitely still has a crush on pat but he was so chill about the rooftop and even the whole wrestling deal but then pat starts butting into his life and saving him again and again like he never stopped loving pat like there's no other way he could possibly feel about pat he falls in love.

no bc pran in eps1&2 is so laidback like his eyes turn fond sometimes but its always after pat leaves, pat leaves him stunned sometimes but he always recovers in time, he found out pat wrote him love notes and only cringed about it, no excitement or disappointment. and then by ep 3 we see him frantic about leaving pat's presence bc 'uh oh feelings', he'll go moony-eyed about pat and can't even shift his expression after pat's noticed and teased him, pat shows interest in ink and he gathers his courage to ask him if he likes her.

pat too has always noticed the effect he has on pran (probably why he so confidently went in for the kiss). its established right from ep 1 when he breaks into pran's room and says he doesn't want to fight and pran just stills and stares and pat panics and says it was pha. that's why in the guitar scene when pran keeps staring and staring and staring at him he tries teasing first but can't shake pran from his daze so again he ups and leaves. which i found so odd the first time i watched bc this is that same boy who keeps drawing up excuses to spend time w pran, to enter his space and now given the perfect opportunity he runs.

pran tries acting v discreet is normally closed off, but to ppl who really pay attention to him he's an open book. and those ppl are just pat and his mom. which is hilarious honestly like its not as if they're particularly perceptive but pran lies in the center of their universe and they have him studied in and out. which makes me think they'd really get along if it wasn't for. yk. but bc its this way, that similarity will probably lead to some childish rivalry btw them and wow this answer totally spiralled i'm sorry fslfsnl

but yeah yeah i love how much thought has gone into these characters like even things that seem insignificant or those that aren't spelled out are so so clear i wish i could write like that

[atlabeth]

fever - sokka x reader

this has been sitting in my drafts half finished for 3 weeks so i thot it was prime time i actually finished it

this is kinda based off the song w dua lipa and angele so you can listen to that if you want

summary: sokka's convinced there's a mystery illness keeping you from focusing, but somehow he's completely oblivious that the only 'sick' you are is lovesick, and he's the reason you can't focus.

a/n: i have never written a sickfic. but this is like. a fake sick fic. its an idiots in love fic. i mean this is coming from mr "is he taller than me? is he better looking?" himself so. it makes sense. as usual, this is not proofread bc im a lazy mf

also im sorry for being vague with the calc but i was NOT about to do math during summer who do you think i am? ??

wc: 1.7k

warning(s): mentions of being sick and 🤢calculus 🤮 but otherwise tooth rotting fluff

-

How could the smartest man you knew be so, so incredibly stupid?

You thought that you were being obvious, so obviously that you were sure he knew. It was embarrassing how obvious you were.

You had met Sokka in your calculus class at the start of the new semester after you ended up sitting next to each other, and it wasn’t a stretch to say that you were immediately smitten. With eyes like the ocean and a face that had to have been crafted by the gods, you were almost too distracted to respond when he asked you for a pencil. But when he winked at you after giving his thanks, it only solidified what you had already suspected: you had known this man for all of five minutes, and you already had a crush on him.

Little did you know, it was going to turn into the most infuriating crush you had ever experienced.

You and Sokka became fast friends even though calculus was the only class you had together. Unfortunately, it was also something that you completely sucked at. Bad news, it was required for your major. Good news, Sokka was some sort of genius and offered to tutor you — Wednesdays in the library turned into a weekly occasion, and served as an opening for your calculus skills, your feelings for Sokka, and your exasperation to all grow stronger.

You normally weren’t someone to beat around the bush. If you started to like someone, you told them and dealt with whatever happened after, but something about Sokka just kept you from spilling your feelings outright. You knew that if he didn’t feel the same way, your relationship likely wouldn’t change, but there was still that tiny voice that said it’s better to stay like this in case things do go wrong — and this was the first time you listened to that voice. You simply valued your friendship too much.

But that didn’t mean you were going to be completely quiet about it — you hoped that if you did enough, he would be able to realize you liked him and do the whole process for you. A bit of a dim hope, but crushes make people do stupid things.

Things like bringing an extra coffee to every session, laughing at all his jokes (even the bad ones), sitting a little closer to him than usual, not dropping out of this wretched class so you could spend time together (it might’ve been required, but you still counted it). He didn’t make a point to object to anything, so you knew you weren’t making him uncomfortable — but you had concluded after nearly a whole semester of working and studying together that he was the most oblivious person in all of Ba Sing Se. He could teach you all kinds of formulas, but had no idea that you liked him. Grand.

Today was arguably the most important session out of any of them, seeing as your next class was the final, so it was only fitting that Sokka unknowingly made himself more interesting than any material you could’ve been working with. His arms were going to be the death of both you and your calc grade. You swore that the heat rushing to your cheeks was actually emanating off of you.

“Hey, Y/N!” Sokka grinned as he saw you and raised a hand in greeting, a sentiment you would’ve returned had it not been for the coffee cups in your hands. You settled for mirroring his grin and settled down in the seat across from him. You slid his coffee cup over, set your own down, then shrugged your bag off all before taking a seat.

“You ready to study ‘till your eyes bleed?” he asked, prompting a nervous laugh from you.

“You jest, but my eyes might actually start bleeding depending on how long we go,” you sighed. “There’s a reason I got an extra shot of espresso today.”

“Come on — by now you should know that you have nothing to worry about! I am the best teacher there is, and you got me all to yourself.”

Your eyes widened momentarily and you coughed, purposefully averting your gaze to give yourself some time to recover. Okay, he was going to make it really hard to focus today. “Let’s just get into it.”

He nodded and flipped open his notebook, beginning to talk as he rifled through his bag for a few extra things. “Okay, we’re just gonna start with going over the basics, then we’ll work our way up. There’s a couple practice problems on that page, so you can go ahead and answer those as a warmup.

You slid the notebook over in front of you and after approximately five seconds of looking at the first problem, found yourself studying Sokka rather than the material. Who could blame you? In the battle of cute tutor boy versus calculus, he was going to win every time.

He turned around and you immediately averted your eyes once again, trying to appear extremely involved, but you found that your mind was empty on anything to do with math. “Hey, uh— how do you do this first one? I’m totally blanking here.”

“We use limits in everything — this is actually something you’re really good at!” He studied you intensely and frowned. “Are you okay? Like, you’re not sick or anything, are you? You seem kinda out of it.”

You choked out a laugh and shook your head. “No, no — I’m fine. I guess I’m just a little tired.” As if to demonstrate your lie, you took a sip from your coffee and cringed internally. Love had turned you into an idiot.

He seemed to buy it as he nodded and picked up the pencil, scribbling a couple of notes as he explained the first problem to you. “Does that make sense?” You nodded and he handed the pencil back to you. “Okay — the other ones follow the same kind of process. It should be easy enough.”

You managed to get a little further in the second problem, but your lovestruck mind would not stop focusing back on Sokka every time you tried to do, well, anything. Curse him and his perfect arms, and eyes, and hairstyle, and everything.

You shook your head and set the pencil down once more, letting loose a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” Yes, you did. “I just can’t focus at all.” Because of you. You picked up your cup once more and took a sip, hoping it would do something to get you back into the math state of mind.

Sokka frowned once more as he put the back of his hand against your forehead. “God, you’re hot.” You nearly choked on your coffee as your eyes practically bulged out of their sockets — he had to know what he was doing by now — how could he not? “Like, you’re completely burning up. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I swear— I just…” you set your cup down on the table and heaved a sigh that was a touch more exasperated than necessary. “Are you telling me you seriously haven’t noticed? Like, not a single thing this whole year?”

“I’ve noticed a lot of things this year,” he chuckled. “It’s kind of our whole job, so you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific.”

You finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Sokka, I’m not— I’m not sick! Haven’t you noticed that I’m only ever flustered, or running into things, or forgetting info, or— or just a complete idiot when I’m around you? I like you, like, a lot, and I have for an embarrassingly long time! The reason I can’t focus is because I am hopelessly attracted to you in every single way.”

His brows creased for a moment and you clamped your mouth shut, worried that you had just ruined everything. It was only after a pause that felt like a century that he finally responded, the hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Well, why didn’t you just say something?”

You stared at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted in pure surprise before the annoyance set in. You set your jaw as your brows furrowed and you hit him lightly on the side of his arm with the back of your palm. “You can’t be serious! You— you’ve gotta be messing with me by now. I really can’t believe that you can be that smart but this oblivious!”

He finally let the grin play across his lips in full force and he shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, I don’t know how you don’t expect me to mess with you when you scrunch up your face all cute like that every time you get mad. Besides, I started liking you after that fifth class; I offered to help you out so I could spend more time with you! I didn’t realize you felt the same way. I kinda just enjoyed the free coffee and getting to look at you all the time.”

“I can’t believe you!” you cried as you hit his other arm. “You’re telling me that I had to deal with this- this mental turmoil about whether you liked me back, while you were just enjoying the free eye candy and coffee the whole time?”

“You have nothing to worry about! I enjoyed the company far more than the coffee,” he joked, a certain twinkle in his eye. “But, you are probably out a couple twenties after all of that. So, what do you say about this Saturday, the cafe by the shoe store? My treat.”

“Damn right it’s your treat,” you shot back, though you couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face. “You owe me a lot — you have to make up for those coffees and all the emotional distress you caused.”

“Oh, I think I’ll have plenty of time to make up for lost time. After all, we do have a lot of coffee dates to get through.” And when he winked at you just like that first day, you remembered just how impossible it was to be angry at Sokka. “But first, we kinda have to get through this study date. The final’s still happening tomorrow.”

You responded with a raised brow. “This is a study date?”

Sokka shrugged and grinned. “They’ve all been study dates. You just didn’t know it.”

-

idiots in love idiots in love idiots In LOVe

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla: @marianne1806