#as hard as it may be. perhaps that relationship wasn't a good fit in the first place

[species-dysphoria-culture-is]

SDC is having your species dysphoria reflect your experience with gender. youre kind of an animal but only in secret. its not strong enough to warrant being open about to anyone other than close friends. you feel like you cant get too attached in case youre found out and have to give it up.

.

[luneariaa]

ᯓ★٠ ࣪⭑ UNSPOKEN. ✧ KENJI S. { 𝐈 }.

✰ — PART 1 ; mentions of kenji having some deep; untold sadness, emi mention, the reader being the sunshine friend to kenji + having close relationship.

✰ — probably will have more two - three parts of the story! tried to fit in one part, but it doesn't work somehow ( ╥ω╥ ) to those who wanted to be tagged in the next future parts, feel free to comment or send me an ask <33 !! ✩₊˚. PART 2.

. dividers by @/strangergraphics ⛓ !!

GROWING UP, for almost his entire life, KENJI— regardless of the increase of popularity and fame, doesn't really have that much of friends. Does he even have them at this point? He doesn't really have anyone that he could actually rely on; even trusted fully.

Despite everything from the outside of one's possible perspective, he's still the lonely, sweet boy deep down. None has ever truly cracked his persona down and managed to bring out his true self, which a part of him is glad for some reason— but the other, not so much.

The attention that he has received all over the world doesn't really mean anything, not what he silently craved and secretly desperate for.

Companionship, someone who actually cares about his wellbeing as a whole despite his ongoing status.

Yes, of course, he loves the fact that he's able to accomplish something that's quite significant to him, at least— getting all of the attention that they think he truly deserved, but there will always be this one void within his heart; as if begging to be fixed with something that even he himself wasn't so sure about it.

His mansion may have everything that he ever needed, but it still feels bleak, somehow, no matter what he's trying to do. What's the point of having large spaces, when in the end, the mere silence will be his only company?

Kenji doesn't even realize it, but sometimes, he ended up just staring blankly at the empty gaps of his surroundings; feeling lost at the said moment.

His world has been nothing but simply revolving around his stardom life as much as the realization hits him; an endless, monochromatic-colored world that he tacitly faced alone with some fair, or unfair number of struggles.

"Must be a tough day today, yeah Ken?"

"You should take some more needed breaks, at least!" He swiftly got pulled out of his train of thoughts, eyes immediately glancing to the source of sound. This is his reality now, not the one that he keeps on unconsciously reminiscing of.

"Pushing yourself too hard wouldn't be too good for your health, y'know." A euphonious voice scolded him lightly, accompanied with a bright, albeit concerned grin.

Kenji now took notice of you standing by the doorway; your smile remained despite the visible apprehensive look that was directed towards him. Completely aware of the mere truth behind your words alone, he averts his gaze back elsewhere— cracking a small, yet almost forceful of a smile as if he's trying to ease down your concerns.

"Yeah, you got a point. It's just the usual, I guess," he scratches the back of his head while lazily slouching on the bed. "It's not me if I don't mope over some pointless stuff."

"Well, it's not that pointless if it bothers you." You exhale out, gradually pulling him out of the bed.

"Maybe we can try something for the day— maybe you wanted to play baseball for a bit? I'll watch 'cuz you know I suck at those."

He couldn't hold back the snort from escaping, which earned a disapproving pout from you, but nonetheless, you added further.

"Or we could just play around with baby Emi as always! Or both, I don't know.."

"Perhaps that could at least ease your mind for a bit..?"

He could clearly sense your efforts; chuckling as he knows that he doesn't have any other plausible choices, but to simply follow your lead without any complaints. When it comes to you, Kenji knew it would always be futile to try anything quite the contrary from it.

"That sounds nice, actually." A genuine smile, despite the hints of his exhaustion, tugged at the corner of his lips. Has he even noticed it himself on how easy it is for you to coax him out of his shell? "Playing with Emi sounds amazing."

Kenji admitted along with a smirk being present by now, replacing his previous smile while doing some mini stretches here and there.

"I know!" You merely giggled over his words, "Besides, I just know that the baby already misses you. I fed her earlier too, in case you're wondering!" His pretty, midnight-colored eyes seemed to brighten up after you finished speaking for a bit.

"At this rate, I think you're spoiling her a bit too much," he castigated facetiously, earning an eyeroll from you when one of his hands ended up atop of your head— giving it a playful ruffle.

"Well, what can I say.."

"She's just a cute, big baby."

His genuine smile returned in mere seconds, finding the whole idea to be quite endearing; causing for him to feel the warmth that's starting to blossom within his chest. He's totally aware of his whole responsibility at this point— unintentionally, yet welcoming the idea of becoming a father to the baby kaiju, now willingly to take care of her because she's one of the reasons that actually changed him for the better.

Throughout the whole conversation that the two of you have shared with one another, it seemed as if the burdens on his shoulders has been lifted away; the atmosphere becoming more comfortably lighter than before without you even realizing it yourself.

Kenji doesn't even know how, but your sole presence has something in particular that keeps him grounded, and he values you deeply for that.

Even with such mystery that's been shrouding around you, it never really bothered him that much; respecting your boundaries and taking an immediate notice on how you seemed to be uncomfortable with talking about your own past and parents, in a way. He assumed that something might have happened before, hence the vague details you kept telling him— no irritation present ever.

Maybe someday, you'll have the courage to tell him. But for now, you would rather keep it a secret.

@luneariaa. do not repost; reblogs are welcomed. all rights reserved.

[gatheringbones]

[“Too many of us have chosen to live in sexually ambiguous, sexually boring, sexually dead lesbian relationships because it wasn't safe to talk about desire---desire for cock, desire for pussy, desire for leather, desire for diversity. Exploring my desire for men has led me in an interesting circle---back to my incredible passion for womyn. My queer world will have to stretch (again) to make room for my fantasies, and perhaps even an affair or two. It will have to stretch to make room for whatever I desire.

Finally I realize what I am so afraid of. I am afraid that men and penises have so much power in this heteropatriarchal world that simply desiring one can invalidate 25 years of deep womon-loving. I'm afraid that lesbianism is so fragile that it needs to be protected by an iron fence. I am afraid that by desiring a cock, I will be excommunicated, torn away from the world of womyn. I am afraid that if I allow myself to open, perhaps I will want more. This is why a lesbian wanting a man demands so much courage. Courage to stand outside of identity politics, to insist that our community grow to accept all of us.

My lesbianism is as sure and solid as the Himalayas, as predictable as the seasons and the phases of the moon, as familiar as a womon in my arms ("Wherever I go, there's one thing I know, I'm sure to have a womon around me"). My desire for men is as fleeting as good chocolate and ripe strawberries---not always available, sometimes bitter and disappointing, often intoxicating as nectar, somewhat allergic, and extremely tempting.

I can live with all these desires. I will not compromise myself again. Fitting in is less important than filling out. There is a revolution afoot, and it is stretching the parameters of the old gay life. The hundredth monkey. A friend says, "Oy, I'm not ready for this century." But she is. She is.

Just when I thought I'd made some sense of these desires for men and had come to peace with them, my ex-lover called. The butch who couldn't communicate and who could never fuck me right. She has something to share, something important, something very personal. She has decided to come out as a transgendered person---bi-gendered, s/he calls it. S/he has come to realize that s/he has both a male body and a female body. Hir language may be new, but the experience is familiar.

It was hir male body I always wanted. I'd called it butch. S/he says that when s/he is in hir male body s/he desires men; when s/he is in hir female body s/he desires womyn. In other words, s/he's as queer as a $3 bill.

Suddenly, a fog begins to clear. If I desired hir male body and hir male body desires men, and when s/he is in hir female body s/he desires womyn, then s/he must've wanted me womon to womon (or man to man?), while I wanted hir butch to femme (Dare I say, male to female?). Suddenly our sex problems become very clear.

I always felt hir switch. As I filled with desire, wanting hir hardness, her maleness, s/he would become soft, almost girly, and it was like someone pulled the plug on the bathtub, the desire leaked out of me, leaving me--us--empty.

This starts me thinking about the lover before hir. The one with the sweet curls in her hair, the big round belly, and the soft eyes. The kinky one, where anything goes. She loves my femme self, calls me bitch and desires to fell me with hardness, to force me into submission.

Somehow though, it never quite worked. I am beginning to see what went wrong. This one wanted butch/femme, boy/girl sex, and I wanted lezzie sex. I loved hir female body and wanted to touch her. S/he wanted to give me hir male body. When I tried to touch hir breasts, I was reminding hir that she was a womon and was therefore rejecting her power. The lover s/he picked after me identified as a heterosexual woman (although she too used to be a radical dyke). When my ex-lover told me this new lover wouldn't touch her (after all she did identify as straight), I thought, how terrible, such internalized homophobia. Now I am beginning to understand how, by ignoring the girl body, the boy could feel his power. It got old fast, but for a while it worked, fed the rejected boy place inside.

I began this piece saying I hadn't had a man in 15 years. I am beginning to suspect that I've had many men. They'd called themselves butches.

I suppose none of this makes sense if you just think about biological bodies. These girls definitely had female bodies, tits and ass, and oh, so lovely to touch. But there is no doubt that these womyn have also had dicks. I've never said this out loud before, because dick is a dirty lesbian word. But I have been filled by womyn's dicks, and no, they are not "just" dildos.”]

Lionheart, from wanting men, from genderqueer: voices beyond the binary, edited by Riki wilchins, 2002

[the-director]

My Tav Calder! He is a half drow bard.

Bonus info specifically: (contain spoilers for the endings and epilogues.)

Gale: when I started playing Calder (he is my second playthrough) I had the intention of romancing Gale. So I pursued him hard. And then... oh and then karlach came onto me. And I fell. Hard. Had to break up with gale. I think that. In the story of this playthrough, this breakup is the reason why I wasn't able to convince him to give up the crown.

Lae'zel: despite being a bard, Calder does enjoy a good fight as I picked college of swords for him. But that is not the reason why they are friends, they are friends because they relate to their pasts. Calder does have a noble background, but he was also sold into slavery (long story short he is in a bit of a zuko situation. But instead of finding the avatar, he got sold and is told to "work to earn his place among his family") so. They both understand the weight of high expectations. But also I like their dynamic due to what lae'zel says to you in the epilogue if she goes with Orpheus. That you taught her diplomacy, and I think that's very fitting for her and Calder (or rlly with her and a bard/high charisma/pacifist tav)

Shadowheart: honestly I feel like shadowheart is so... older sister? The way that she tries to be above everyone, the way she is so sparky to you, but also becomes loyal and trusting of you. Idk it reminds me of older sisters in like early 2000s movies. As a result, when I'm not romancing her. I tend to view her and my tav as feeling a kinship to eachother. I think this is also because of both of them being half elves.

Wyll: I actually have a lot of thoughts about Calder and wyll, specifically because of Calder growing up in this rich upperclass family, they probably met eachother while they were younger, or at least both of them are aware of their families (I'm still deciding how old I want Calder to be, and how long he was a slave) so there's like. Both of them know eachothers childhoods, but then both have to wonder "what happened to you for you to wind up here" I imagine they have a heart to heart with wyll talking about the pact and getting sent away by his father, and Calder talking about his wild magic that got him rejected by his family and then further being betrayed by them.

Another component of this relationship is the "karlach protection squad" I feel like it's basically canon that wyll and karlach, whether or not they romance eachother, will be very close and have a friendship together. And so especially with karlachs infernal engine, they both feel this need to protect her, to find a way to save her life. Which is just. So neat yknow? This strong durable character who is yet so vulnerable due to this replacement for a heart she has, something imposed against her. That she tried to make work for her, and it did, for a bit. Until when she finally thinks she can get her life back. She instead finds she's a dead girl walking.

Anyways. Both wyll and Calder are devoted to her in this way. And so even though they're kind of in that space of "so similar to eachother that we hate eachother since we can see every fault and flaw that we hate about ourselves in the other" they put aside their similarities and work towards this goal.

Astarion: Calder is, ngl, highly morally dubious. He is. Incredibly two-faced, or more precisely 6 faced. He's very much a people pleaser, a liar one may call him. He breaks every law for his own gain. Which astarion can get behind. Calder reads astarion like a book moreso than anyone else, which is why Calder trusts him. Astarion may be seen as "untrustworthy" but Calder trusts because he knows what he does, he can rely on that. I'm thinking this is especially in the early game. Where Calder might not have been too sure about the other ones and their true intentions.

I think, perhaps this trust is also due to their shared background. Of course I made calders backstory specifically so that it could parallel everyone else's and deal with the similar themes of "lack of autonomy" and "authority" and so on. But I think other than wyll, calders background is the most like astarions. And so since he is familiar to this. Desperation and fear for safety that astarion feels all the time. That is why he *knows*

Halsin: Remember how there was that glitch where gales approval was super easy to get, and as a result he would hit on every single tav regardless of how much you talked to him and as a result he came off as a huge creep and people hated him? That's how I feel about halsin.

Jaheira: similar to shadowheart, but in this one I JUST. LOOK AT JAHEIRA AND I HEAR MY MIND GO. "PLEASE ADOPT ME" if she adopted me everything would be right with the world (it wouldn't but) my mommy issues. Just. (I have three moms, which one would think would mean I have no mommy issues. No I just have three different types of mommy issues)

Anyways. Seriously. I think that at first Calder would kind of have the karlach fangirl moment, he wouldn't externalize it. But it would definitely happen. Overtime though they develop the bond of cub and crow. And I think. The definitive good ending for Calder is one where he joins the harpers. (I'm just now realizing that then he would be Chris pines character in dnd and karlach would be that one barbarian lady)

Karlach: she snuck into my heart, and I think she snuck her way into calders too. I think at first, it starts with passion, it starts with warmth and comfort in eeachothers arms. Then it evolves into late-night talks around the campfire. Of him singing her favorite songs, telling her favorite tales. Maybe they do it together. Him on his lute and just her singing. Or them acting scenes together. I imagine them fighting together, him inspiring her, healing her maybe, her defending him and beating anything that hurts him into a pulp. I imagine them entering the city together. He took the tadpole, she is so worried for him. She tries not to let it show. His ego is bruised. He's hurting inside. They open up though, they find solace in eachothers arms again. That one scene happens, they talk about the future they'll never get. The cabin, with the goat. Oh how he wished he could perform for her forever.

I finished the game before patch 5, before going to hell meant finding a cure. And even then, I think Calder wouldn't force her to go. I think Calder always gets wyll out of the contract and wyll decides to be Duke. And so she dies. On the docks.

And Calder is ruined.

But he develops a plan. Undo timeline.

[nazukisser]

YOU, ME, AND THE MOON

sleeping positions pt 2

akehoshi subaru, aoba tsumugi, aoi yuuta, mashiro tomoya, amagi hiiro, sakasaki natsume

gn!reader, fluff, established relationship

this one is the gift to the friends

AKEHOSHI SUBARU | the head burier

The outside world simply disappears for Subaru, when his face touches the texture of your shirt, snuggled against you oh so intimately. The world, so public, so cruel, becomes so private, so safe, when the moon shines bright, as your scent fills his mind and brings him peacefully into the land of dreams.

AOBA TSUMUGI | the one arm around

Even if he slips and falls, gets pushed over and stepped on, misunderstood and judged by the unrelenting world outside your home, he's "strangely" always reliable at home. Perhaps it was not out there, the cruel reality of society, but rather the peaceful home of yours and his that was his "domain"- where he excelled most. Now, he may still be a bit clumsy, a bit of a mess, and maybe messed up dinner more than once by mistake, but it is never that he fails to feel ever so reliable, ever so fitting when he brings you in closer, one of his arms around you, resting your head on his shoulder.

AOI YUUTA | knees up, one hand intertwined

To Yuuta, it's almost like a silent promise- that you'll be there the next morning when he sees you when he links hands with yours on that kiss which said "good night!". It's too cold for him, too stiff when he doesn't bring his legs up close to yours. It's too far, too far. He needs you, he needs you to stay with him. And if you get up before him, without him, always make sure he can kiss you back.

MASHIRO TOMOYA | head facing you

Like the clouds above, Tomoya's mind is filled with thoughts, a mix of you, life, and everyone and everything else. It is not that you make the clouds go away; no, they'll rarely ever clear, but it seems that the thundering has softened- stopped, even. His heart pumps love, and there is not one moment he can take his eyes off of you until his eyes grow too heavy and he smiles as he drifts off into sleep.

AMAGI HIIRO | stuck to you

It is never hard to tell if Hiiro has woken up yet. His legs intertwine with yours, his arms around you and yours around him, his breaths tickle your skin. He feels as if he was in the right place all along; that wasn't in the village or in the city- it was by your side, with you- and he feels that ever so strongly. So please, when he wakes up, allow him to kiss you good morning before getting up.

SAKASAKI NATSUME | takes one of your hands

The ancient legends say, the ancient legends being Natsume, that if one took his lover's hand while asleep, good dreams would befall the both of them. Your hand is a sort of assurance that you are there, that you are real, that you are by his side, and there is nothing that rests his heart. Perhaps, as he kisses you goodnight, his lips on your hand and his hand intertwining with yours, it's a good luck charm for the next day ahead for the both of you.

[vynnytypesstuff]

hiya~! hope you’re doing good~!

may i request a scenario with Vil Schoenheit with a female S/O(or non-bi if you prefer) who has that…pain when they’re told by a scout that they’re not fit enough—particularly a bit under 5’9”—to be a model with Vil. perhaps it was always their dream to be a model, but ever since dating Vil, they wanted to do it more and more, yet once a chance came…it was completely shot down by a scout-; it would be his reaction to the S/O’s breakdown…only if you’d wanna! (*´꒳`*)

sorry that was super long LOL

꒰୨୧﹒Twisted Wonderland - Hcs for Vil with a Female S/O Who is Told They Aren't Fit to be a Model

Sorry for the wait! School's been busy + personal stuff but I finally got back to writing woohoo

As always thanks for the request and enjoy

Warnings: None

There wasn't a soul in Night Raven College who didn't know of Vil Schoenheit and his fame. His striking beauty, along with his confident, regal-like mannerisms and persistent determination, has gained him a "cult-following. His modeling and acting career grew in success, and he has reached over five million followers on Magicam and earning him his status as a prominent influencer

Vil was an inspiration to many, yourself included. Even before you were aware of your wish to become a model, Vil's fresh takes on the importance of hard-work and self-care captivated you to your core. His words motivated you to be the best version of yourself, and eventually, your underlying dream of becoming a model had begun to blossom

You were sorted into Pomefiore, the same dorm as Vil. Shockingly, you didn't let Vil's presence cause your path to modeling to falter. In fact, his presence encouraged you to work even harder to achieve your dream. You took every opportunity to show off your talent, a notion that didn't slip past Vil's watchful gaze

Vil took interest in you. He admired your determination in developing your skills and saw potential in you. As time went on, you began to speak with him more and more until you were interacting on a daily basis. Eventually you would become close with him, and your relationship status would take a shift from "friendship" to "dating" (I'm not being lazy here I swear)

If joining Pomefiore drove you further into the modelling path, then dating Vil skyrocketed that notion. Getting familiar with Vil's life, both personal and career, left a burning desire in you. Now more than ever, you wanted to be a model

For females, modeling gigs typically have a standard height requirement between 5'9" and 6'0" ft. You were below 5'9" ft, but you had still believed you had just as fair of a shot as anyone else, right?

You had encountered a scout when you were looking at a flier for a modelling gig. Nothing too grand, but it would be enough to help you get a jump start on your career. While you were preoccupied with thoughts on how this could be your chance, you hadn't noticed the scout looming behind you until you turned around

Long story short, the scout didn’t seem to share the same sentiment as you. They didn’t believe you were cut out for modeling, claiming you were too amateurish to make it big, not to mention your height gave you a significant disadvantage (or at least so they claimed)

It was a bit devastating to hear a scout shoot you down in minutes. This was a dream you had been clinging onto for your whole life, even when you weren’t fully aware of it, and you’d been prepared to bring it into fruition. Your confidence began to waver, and you wondered if you should give up

That night in the dorms, Vil noticed you seemed… off. You were unusually quiet, and even if it was getting late you hadn't started your nightly routine yet. It was as if something was weighing you down

There was no way Vil was going to leave you there looking miserable, so he decided to check up on you. No use lying about it because he'd find out eventually. You told Vil about what happened, what the scout had said about you not being fit enough to be a model, and how you weren't sure if you were as cut out for the modelling industry as you thought you were

You were prepared for Vil to agree with the scout, but to your shock he had the exact opposite reaction from what you envisioned. Though he maintained his composure, you could clearly see that he was upset that you told you weren't fit to be a model

Vil firmly denied those words. Sure, you were shorter than today's big models, but that doesn't mean you didn't have a chance. In his opinion, the world needed models of all shapes and sizes. In addition to that, physical attributes have nothing to do with talent, even if one were to meet every little absurd physical standard. Appearances alone isn't enough to determine a person's skill-level or success

After giving you his input, he reaffirmed that you did the potential and drive to be a model and said that you were going to take that modelling gig (because like hell he's going to let you give up that easily

He did give you a biiiit of a scolding for taking what that scout said to heart, but it's only because he cares. Realistically, no matter what your qualities were, you would likely get a number of un-constructive critics who will pick out your "weak points" and use those to push you down. It's even been done to him before. He wants to prepare you for the worst and help build your self-confidence so that you don't get discouraged again

In short, Vil is very supportive of your goal, giving you a mix of praise and construction criticism. If anyone comes for you because of your height, well, let's just say they better hope Vil isn't in the room

[darkfictionjude]

Etymology nonnie here!

Now I'm really interested on playing the demo. But I'll wait.

Luce seems to be a very different MC to what I had in mind. They seem rather a lovable and cherished person. I almost feel tempted to believe they could be played as the kind of goodie two shoes I often play... If it wasn't because this is a Mafia IF. At least, I think, some grey morality is to be expected.

Yet, it's hard for me to not conceive Luce as this kind of lovable person. I mean, their nickname literally means "light", and while I understand it's possible for that to have negative associations, which often are specific to a particular piece of media, in most cases light is considered a good thing.

This seems to be the opposite situation to WWC MC. At least, in the surface. But this is a Mafia related family, and your writing, so I expect some disfunctional family drama. Also, you've mentioned an incident. I have no idea what it could be. And I'm questioning myself if it's going to be an event of which we will get more information as the story goes, or just the backstory (or both: is the backstory, and we get some information, but as the story goes more data is given to us, which is almost what happens in WWC and the incident of 1992, if I recall correctly).

There is also the fiancé(e) situation. It's really interesting for them to not be an RO. I can just assume either (since you confirmed Sam does not die at the beginning):

1) Sam or Luce do something that demands the break of the betrothal. Like cheating or something of that sort. Or maybe something more violent (although I doubt would physically abuse Luce, simply because of the possible consequences that could fall to them from hurting Luce).

2) The marriage is for convenience only, and has little validity. Luce and Sam are then free to romance anyone they want, as long as they do it discreetly. Personally I doubt this is the case (although it does remind me of the setup of some IFs), simply because the other characters and the setting are too conservative for such a dynamic (unless it's only agreed between both Luce and Sam, and everyone else is none the wiser). But it would be an interesting relationship dynamic nonetheless.

3) Following from 2, the marriage can also be a lavender marriage for Sam (and/or Luce, depending on customization, maybe). So, both are free to have relationships outside of the marriage and the marriage is a front. And so Sam and Luce are friends. I do like this dynamic a lot, and it would be, perhaps, the case for my own Luce, since I always play as a gay man (since that's what I am in real life).

4) Either Sam or Luce are kidnapped or something on those lines, and so the betrothal does not continue because of this. I doubt this is the case, not because it's unlikely for either to get kidnapped, but because it could be complicated to fit as the beginning incident. And because it makes Luce an asshole if Sam is kidnapped and they began to have something with someone else in the meanwhile. Which is not something I'm against to, but it would be a weird thing to force in an IF, I guess.

5) Sam has to leave for whatever reason. If male maybe he has to do military service or something. But I don't know what to do with a female Sam. In any case, I think this has some likelihood, but it's a bit weird too.

6) Sam breaks up with Luce for whatever reason (may be amicable, or nasty). They remain a character present in the story, but they just don't continue being romantically involved.

Alas, there are many possibilities. And me theorizing does not get me closer to the answer. I'll just have to wait.

That said, I've fantasizing about the idea of my Luce in particular being a very loving and kind fiancé. Like pampering and romantic. But, in truth, he is not straight. He believes he is because of his environment and how he was raised, but then... Boom, begins to feel attracted to a man. And his world is upside down.

As of now, I'm unsure if I'll go for Dante or Lazlo. Dante feels like a fun unhinged character to romance, but I'm not fully convinced as of yet by his concept. I probably need to see how he is written before deciding, however. As for Lazlo, while the name reminds of a cartoon (Lazlo's camp), and I'm not that big of a fun of the name (nothing against it, I just don't vibe with it that much, although I enjoy it's Hungarian roots... A link with Imre, perhaps?), I'm fascinated by the concept of his character. Simply because there is obvious angst. Which is worsened because the obvious happy ending where Lazlo becomes officially a son of Antonio (by marrying Luce) is simply impossible because I'm playing as a man. And they both may envy each other, and want to trade places in a way... Maybe I'll romance Lazlo first. Then again, I'll have restraint and wait for the demo before making any choices.

Finally, I know you are put in a weird spot when we comment about our MCs names, since is not something you control. That said, I've been thinking about my Luce's name. Obviously it has to be something Italian, or at least an adaptation to English of an Italian name. And I'll probably want something that begins with "L" or "Lu" or "Luc-" so the nickname can also make sense with both their personality and their real name.

But so far I have not decided yet what I want. So I'll probably comment something about it in the future. Funnily enough, all the names I'm thinking about are also Spanish names, at least for spelling. It reminds me of my days studying romance languages historical Linguistics for fun. Good memories.

Since I have not asked a question (well, I do basically try to figure out the situation with Sam, but it's clear you want to keep it a secret for now, so you won't answer that), so, I'll ask something. So far, what has been the most interesting theme/character/character dynamic of EC to you? And is there something you are very excited to share and yet no one has brought up? It may be too early for that, yet I'll ask anyway.

Yeah “light” can be both a good and a bad. It can bring joy or burn you. It’s a crossroads of what Luce can be. And yes I want to give the sense that Luce has a fairly good life, they’re loved. But you can’t be a healthy family when your relatives torture and kill people it’s dysfunctional by the very nature of their wealth. Is your father a good father if he hugs you with the hands he uses to strangle someone else? To me it would be too simple to have a crime family and that they all hate each other and are a abusive like the Crowns, it’s more fun and fascinating if they by all intents and purposes are a loving family

Lazlo is just because I like how unusual it is. It doesn't have any connection to Imre or WWC, as I don't want that and because they don't take place in the same universe. EC and OHYS are the only ones set in the same world

Ah the Big Sam Mystery continues…

To the most interesting theme is how far can a person be willing to go for revenge? And then when they get it what happens next? Can they ever go back to what they were before? Or are they lost in what they’ve become?

To my most interesting character is probably Dante due to his sheer insanity, the most interesting dynamic though is of Luce and a person who I haven’t mentioned yet they aren’t in the intro but who starts a bit of a cat and mouse game with Luce

An interesting thing for this game is that you can become a mafia boss or you can pretend to be one, two different streams of motivation and gameplay, one leads to revenge and the other to justice

[bluegekk0]

Okay after the Meet-up with Grimm-Question I'm now curious about the White Lady! I know roughly how they met and what Wyrms Feelings actually were towards her. But how does she view the things from her perspective?

She's described as cold and uncaring but Wyrm connected with her in the first place because of her motherly nature. How does that fit together? And why did she decide to marry him in the first place, if she has a hard time actually caring for him? How was she acting towards him?

Also which of them actually came up with the Vessel-Plan? Does the WL actually care about the Vessels that got tossed into the Abyss? And was she actually the one putting the words "No Cost to great" into Wyrms mind?

And sorry if this ask gets so long, but if we're already on the topic of wifes, how was Wyrms relationship to Herrah? I assume he just engaged with her for the truce. What does WL think of this?

Oh don't worry about the length, these are all very good questions! I realize that perhaps the way I portray their relationship may seem a tad convoluted (unfortunate side effect of making it up as I go), so I'm more than happy to clear things up, hopefully.

I'll put it under a read more cause it might be quite long.

The reason he connected with her was definitely due to his very skewed way of seeing relationships. The only female figure in his life up until that point was his mother, he had no point of reference for romantic love, and because of his trauma related to his mother abandoning him, he ended up clinging to WL the moment he met her. Of course, he didn't actually see her as a mother figure, that would make things weird and he was more than aware of that. And while she didn't have many actual motherly traits, she was still an imposing female figure that he felt safe around at the time, just like he did around his mother. She offered to help him right as he emerged from the cast off shell, and his lack of experience unfortunately led him to feeling attached to her for that reason, even though as it later turned out, he didn't actually love her, and she was unfitting for him, to put it lightly.

In short, he met a woman who reminded him of his mother, and his unresolved trauma from childhood caused him to dive head first into a relationship he thought was built on romantic love, just because he wanted to feel that sense of security and warmth he remembered as a hatchling. There was also the fact that, like I mentioned before, he had no idea he was actually gay, he had no prior experience with relationships, he only knew that he had a mother and a father, so he assumed that's just how things are supposed to be. He was male, she was female, so it made sense that they would be together, especially after hearing that they had very similar goals. He was going to be a king, and she would be the queen. It made sense in his head. He would only realize how much more complex relationships and love were much, much later.

As for WL's perspective: in the AU, she already had a mansion in the Queen's Gardens, so she was at that point used to the feeling of authority. She had her servants, her own court, all she was lacking was a spouse. And then Vyrm showed up, with the intent of become a king. Naturally, she saw that as an opportunity, so it didn't take long for them to get married, as Vyrm seemed to be on board with the idea. That's not to say this was the only way she viewed him, she definitely loved him in her own way. But it can't be denied that she ended up treating him more like a purse dog than a person with feelings, since she wasn't particularly empathetic in nature. She loved him the way you'd expect a tree-like, self absorbed god being to love - not the kind of love Vyrm needed in his life. If she found someone more similar to her, someone as distanced from emotions as she was, perhaps it would work out, but Vyrm was very emotional and clearly needed someone to support him. WL was unfortunately not that person.

She was often blind to his struggles, she failed to see or react to him feeling uncomfortable or anxious, and seemingly only cared about his image whenever they appeared together as king and queen, and her own needs and expectations being met. He was the king, but she wasn't his queen, it was very much the opposite, she was the dominant voice in their marriage. There were moments where she showed him kindness, rare glimpses that convinced him that perhaps he was the overly sensitive one. But clearly that wasn't the case, whatever kindness he experienced wasn't enough, so he was often left to deal with his struggles by himself. And that made him assume that his problems were just a burden that he has to carry by himself. He was scared of asking for help, a mindset he still has to deal with to this day, unfortunately.

The vessel plan actually originated from a conversation he had with Grimm. He knew the Radiance better than anyone else, so he mentioned in passing that the Void was her biggest weakness. That gave Vyrm an idea, but for the longest time he only experimented with Void itself. His initial plan was to create an artificial vessel, and the Kingsmould were part of that experiment. Though as it turned out, they were very unstable, not suitable for sealing away the Radiance, not for a long time at least. He needed a more stable shell to contain the void, but he was out of ideas. Then WL suggested using their own offspring for that purpose. I think it makes sense for her to do that, since I can't imagine Vyrm's mind would actually go there on its own. And at first he was against it, but the infection got worse and worse, and ultimately left him with no other choice. 'No cost too great' as WL once told him, and he started repeating that phrase to himself over and over again, to somehow rationalize and excuse the horrible deed he was about to commit.

As you can probably gather from the way she speaks of THK and Ghost in the game, she didn't exactly see them as her children the way you'd expect from a mother. They were her offspring, yes, but they were created with a single goal, and that wasn't to be loved. That's how she rationalized it to herself, and with her generally more distant nature, it wasn't difficult for her to not get attached to the vessels. This obviously clashed with Vyrm's thoughts, especially after his experience of raising Holly. He couldn't help it, somewhere back in his mind, he definitely saw them as his child, which only added more and more fuel to the guilt and shame of what he's done. He would go on to try and convince himself that they were in fact just a vessel that felt no emotions or pain, but the cracks would begin to show more and more with time, resulting in disagreements between him and WL. He was baffled at how little she seemed to care about all the vessels that died down in the Abyss, and she tried to convince him to let go and move on for the kingdom's sake. But all of that, as well as Grimm's influence, made Vyrm start noticing how cold WL was to him throughout their marriage, and eventually resulted in them separating. Which, surprisingly enough, went quite smoothly. They agreed it would be for the better to separate while there was no hostility between them, and so WL moved back to her gardens without much fuss.

Though as time went on, she thought more and more of what Vyrm told her right before their divorce - that he hasn't felt happy in the marriage for years, basically since the very beginning. She didn't question it then, but living in solitude made her reconsider how she treated him, something she would continue to think about after she trapped herself in bindings following the return of the infection. While her decision helped no one but her own mind, she did in fact feel guilt over her involvement. She was the one pushing Vyrm to do all those things, she suggested using their own offspring for that purpose, and then shamed him for feeling guilty about it. She started to realize how much she actually hurt him through her actions, and that he was in fact better off without her, since she was clearly not capable of empathy. This is also why she's not actually against his relationship with Grimm, quite the opposite. She's glad to see him actually happy, and she wishes them well, even if she finds Grimm insufferable.

Back to Vyrm for a bit: although the divorce was actually his idea, he ended up feeling a lot of guilt over it, which was yet another reason why it took him so long to realize his own feelings for Grimm - he knew at that point that he didn't just see Grimm as a friend, but he was still convinced that getting into a new relationship would somehow be unfair towards WL, even though they weren't even together anymore. At his lowest points he even considered inviting WL back to the palace, but all the memories of how much she hurt him made him change his mind. And following Holly's sealing and the end of the infection, things have begun to take a turn for the better. He was still haunted by the guilt of his actions, but not having to worry about potentially upsetting WL with the smallest things certainly took a lot of weight off of his shoulders. Though obviously, that didn't last, and just a decade or so later, it all came crashing down.

When it comes to Herrah, I actually kinda like the idea of WL being the one to push him towards that. When Vyrm mentioned Herrah's demands, she urged him to do it if it meant they could save the kingdom, and he had no choice but to accept the deal.

Vyrm was terrified of Herrah, so he wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea. In the world of wyrms, the females would usually kill and eat the males after mating, and Herrah's more beastly nature compared to WL's unfortunately activated that instinctual fear response in him. But surprisingly enough, Herrah wasn't actually cruel with him, it was clear that she wasn't out to harm him, she just wanted a child and to protect her people. So while the build-up to their encounter was terrifying for him, the actual experience wasn't as traumatic as you'd think.

I genuinely really like the idea that if it wasn't for his sexuality and the fact that she had to become a Dreamer, they would be a much fitting match as a couple than him and WL, especially when you look at Vyrm now and how much closer he is to the idea of a beast. So I don't think they actually hated each other. Yes, there was no love between them, Herrah initially didn't even really like him that much, but she tolerated him for Hornet's sake. Though it changed as she witnessed his reaction to seeing his daughter for the first time, which made her see him in a much more favorable light. She knew she wouldn't be there to see Hornet grow up, but it was reassuring to see Vyrm show this much love for their child. Her newfound appreciation for Vyrm also helped in making Hornet's move from Deepnest to the White Palace a lot less stressful for all parties involved, especially for baby Hornet herself.

---

I hope this is a bit more coherent and makes at least some sense. If it seems like I'm demonizing WL, that is not my intention at all. She definitely has traits that I would hate in a person, so I can't say I would love to meet her. But I see her as a very complex character, someone who at her core lacks empathy and a person in her life who would tell her that she's hurting others. Did she treat Vyrm like crap? She did. Was their marriage toxic, even emotionally abusive at times? Absolutely. And she is certainly a bad person, her actions speak louder than her polite, sophisticated words. That being said, I don't view her as evil. I will admit that I like Grimm as a character much more than WL, and that I much prefer Pale Nightmare over Wyrmroot as a ship. So yes, in the AU, Grimm is the better choice for Vyrm . But I still wanted to make the end of FPK and WL's marriage to at least make some sense, and since I've always seen WL as the more uncaring of the two, I wanted that to be the main reason, which would also serve as a very good contrast for my more emotional PK interpretation. So I'm hoping that at the very least the bias isn't too obvious. I wouldn't want the story to suffer because of it, and I think it would be unfair to treat WL as Vyrm's self-absorbed ex-wife and nothing else. I may not focus much on her in the AU, but I still wanted her to be at least somewhat complex.

Hopefully you enjoyed the response! Sorry if it came out a bit long, but I wanted to explain things with as much detail as possible, to make my vision of WL and their relationship a bit easier to understand.

[yandere-fics]

109 and 29 for Abigail, just the perfect amount of angst idk

109. “I know she’s cute. BUT SHE’S MINE! TOUCH HER AND I’LL KILL YOU!!”

29. “Stop giving me that look! Stop looking at me as if I’m a monster!”

(Per the usual, sentence structure is changed to fit the characters personality. Abigail doesn't scream alot, she's more of the hiss in your ear type of woman. Hope this was the kind of angst you were hoping for. I didn't expect to write so much for this but it just kept coming to me.)

Abigail utterly adored you, her little lover, so cute. As the knight who had pledged her loyalty to you, she felt the need to show you off. Such a romantic story, the knight set to be the Duke of one of the most prominent duchies in the kingdom, and the cute lady she had pledged herself to who would one day be her Duchess. It only made sense to show you off at parties so everyone would know of your love story.

It was hard to control her temper though when people constantly approached you. Perhaps they assumed you were only her lover and not someone she took seriously, befriending the lover of the future Duke Parley so when the relationship ends, they may be able to woe you. It certainly couldn't hurt to marry someone who had such a powerful connection, and you were easy to love so the court swarmed you like disgusting maggots.

"Dame Parley, where in the world did you find such an enchanting creature?" The woman standing before her, swirling a glass of wine was not at all subtle with her leering. How shameless could she be to show your current lover that she wanted to seduce you away.

Baroness Rudia, far below your status, even if you were single it would be a sham for you to go with her. Not even worth Abigail requesting a duel, not that a mere Baroness could afford a luxury knight that could face Abigail in a duel. There wasn't a knight in the kingdom who would likely take Abigail on in a duel, no matter how much they liked their master.

"Lady Rudia, I am well aware that my partner is quite cute," She looked around the ballroom quickly making sure you weren't within hearing range. You always hated when she threatened the flies that surrounded you. "But Lady Y/N is mine and if you lay a filthy hand on her, I will have to end your pathetic life."

The Baroness looked taken aback as she tried to think of a response, something that would allow her to leave the ballroom alive and maybe with a shred of dignity.

"Don't think I warned you from the good of my heart, I merely felt bad for all the people in your house who would suffer if the head were to fall. Be gone Lady Rudia, my sweetheart is coming over and I don't want your presence to taint her happiness." Abigail spoke first, sparing the Baroness from further embarrassment as she scuttled off.

You knew something was off when Baroness Rudia, who had been so kind to you earlier, ran from the ballroom in near tears. You couldn't understand why Abigail was always so rude to the people who were so kind to you. You understand she had a high status but it didn't mean she had to treat those lower so horribly. You knew better than to cause a scene in public so you held your tongue until you were in the carriage later that night.

"Abby? Why did Baroness Rudia run from the ballroom tonight? Surely you're not letting your temper get the best of you again." Perhaps a bit confrontational but Abigail did this often and it did make you reconsider your relationship to her.

When you had first began to date her you assumed people were merely exaggerating when they described Dame Parley as a beast, not even human. Trained to kill with precision, without even picking up a sword, she could decimate her enemies. The product of centuries of the Parley house trying to train the best swordsmen.

"Don't give me that look, Sweetheart. You look at me as if I'm some kind of monster." She didn't like when you challenged her behavior, you were supposed to be docile towards her, never snippy, only her sweet lover.

"You wouldn't want me to misunderstand your words would you? Sweetheart?" She was warning you to apologize for the tone you'd taken with her. Something you refused to back down from. All your nice friends were being chased away and you wouldn't allow that.

"You didn't answer my question, Lady Parley. Why do all my friends keep running away in tears whenever they speak to you?" The chuckle that came out of her was bone-chilling. Making you feel it would have been best to just cow to her whims.

"Y/N, is this how you would like to spend our night? I'd prefer to return to my manor with my lover on my arm, instead of having to discipline her for disobedience. I'm sure you'd prefer that as well." She stood and leaned over you, putting her hands on the back of the carriage seat behind you, seemingly undaunted by how the carriage joustled.

"Yes I'd like that very much." You hated how you always gave in so quickly.

"Then say the words I want to hear, Sweetheart." She took your chin in one of her hands, forcing you to look into her eyes.

"I don't think you're a monster Abby. There's no way I'd ever think that." Even if you did there was no way you could tell her at this point, not with how intimidating she could be.

[windermeresimblr]

The Bold The Facts Tag

The Rules are simple! Tag people and name a character you want to know more about! If you want to let the person you tagged decide who to showcase, then don’t name a character and they can pick somebody. Easy! The person who is tagged will then bold the remarks below which apply to their character &, if they want to, include a picture with their reply!

I was tagged by @danjaley for Kolfinna, who we haven't QUITE properly met yet. Therefore, there's not a lot of explanation. But she will eventually meet Alasdair. I think they would play well as a buddy-comedy duo.

I tag @aprilrainsimblr, @ninjaofthepurplethings, @treason-and-plot, @nectar-cellar, and @simlicious!

(I still haven't settled on a coherent "look" for her aside from big eyes, freckles, and dark hair.)

[ PERSONAL ]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other [Her mother's a king's daughter and her father's a jarl's son, but she definitely doesn't live as a typical noblewoman of the era would!]

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other [Formal education wasn't really a thing. But she's capable of weaving and mending and sewing and churning butter and milking cows and all the other responsibilities of the home.]

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable [Both? She was brought up by her birth parents, but her foster-parents provided her education and she lives with them. Certainly she thinks more warmly of her foster-parents.]

(This hangerock combo was a failure, mesh-wise, but she looks good in green!)

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between [But, as Alasdair may yet find out, she's capable of some extreme recklessness...]

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between [Perhaps too empathetic for a woman living in the Early Medieval Period in a region known for frequent conflict. Oops.]

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown [Romantically?]

[ BELIEFS ]

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care [Reincarnation was not, perhaps, the most prominent theological topic of the day. She would probably like the idea.]

❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care [Do you mean elves? See 'Belief in Ghosts or Spirits.' Actual aliens are...not quite in the medieval worldview.]

✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no [She has a lot of time on her hands to contemplate.]

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless [but probably not totally unaware of the process. Longhouses weren't hotbeds of privacy and Victorian mores. She has not had the practical experience due to reasons.]

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable /naive and clueless / romance suspicious [She's of noble blood. Romance is for the common folk.]

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all [She's never really considered this; for the sake of certain obligations, she would probably have to marry a man and have his children, but she also doesn't think about it very much.]

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all [Romance is for the commoners! But she'd choose a partner based on their personality and their behavior...and looks, of course, but looks aren't everything. Oh, and can they handle a sword well? And what are their land holdings? And do they treat people well regardless of status?]

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none [She knows runes, but is not quite proficient enough to be a rune-carver. Also her spelling and pronunciation is horrendous.]

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none [She can't draw, but she has an excellent eye for color.]

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / Alcoholic [She's a Viking and serves as one of the ale-bearers in the hall. But that doesn't mean she's guzzling it!]

☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / Chain-smoker

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

[mircalla-tarot]

Birthday Spread for a Dear Friend!

Wow, this is definitely the biggest spread I've ever done. It didn't fit on my desk! I'm using the Birthday Tarot Spread from Biddy Tarot, which asks a series of twelve questions. Let's get into it!

1. The Previous Year in Summary

Inverted Judgement

This card speaks to your own self-doubt and judgement in the last year of life. You were not giving yourself the space to forgive yourself and focusing on your mistakes and missteps rather than seeing the unfairness in front of you. Thankfully, that wasn't forever!!

2. What have you learned from the past year?

The Fool

You learned the embrace your own potential! You were - and are! - a blank slate capable of anything. The Fool believes anything can happen in life if only you set out to live it fully, and that there are infinite opportunities if we are bold enough to reach out for them.

3. What do you aspire to in the next 12 months?

Inverted Devil

The inverted Devil says you will aspire to feel more in control and empowered. You have become self-aware of flaws and bad habits and are breaking free from their influence.

4. What empowers you to reach your aspirations?

Inverted Eight of Pentacles

When upright, the Eight of Pentacles indicates a time where you have to work hard and focus keenly on the tasks before you. It refers to the efforts you will undertake, and the possibility there may be much work before you. When inverted, the card suggests the tasks before you are greater than you may be prepared for - requiring special care to execute properly. This card stresses the importance of your own intellect, hard work, and self-awareness in reaching your aspirations. Allow the sweat, blood, and tears to serve their purpose in guiding you towards all of the darkness you are trying to leave behind you.

5. What may stand in the way of reaching these aspirations?

Six of Pentacles

The Six of Pentacles is a generous card, giving its aid to those who need it. I think this card is warning you that your kind heart may be taken advantage of. Mind your giving and gracious nature, and make sure it does not interfere with your work!

6. Your relationships and emotions in the coming year

Temperance

Ah, friend! What a great card to balance with the workload that lays before you. Temperance suggests balance and moderation, as well as patience. You have a clear vision for what you seek to achieve, and for what you want your relationships to be. You have the patience to work to both adapt to changing relationships, and to work well with your colleagues, friends, and others of importance.

7. You career, work, and finances in the coming year

Inverted Three of Swords

Oh, my relief that this card is inverted in immense. The Three of Swords suggests recent grief and your recovery from it. This card signals that it is time to let go of past hurt. You are free from the circumstances that wounded you - new department, new advisor, new project! Leave the vestiges of the past behind. Remember that inverted Devil card, calling for you to break your bad habits? Perhaps that is related to leaving the past behind you so you can grow into your new place at work.

8. Your health and well being

The Star

The Star brings with her hope, strength, and renewal. You've gone and passed through a terrible time in life, and have come out the other side without sacrificing yourself. You can now fully appreciate the strength and willpower that carried you through the darkness, and be confident moving forward.

9. Your spiritual energy and inner fulfillment

The Sun

Another card that heralds the end of darkness! The Sun represents success and radiance. You give goodness back into the world to those close to you, and the will be a beacon of happiness for some. Your own personal fulfillment will inspire those around you.

10. What you most need to focus on in the coming year

Page of Swords

The Page of Swords is an energetic card, thriving on the energy she generates. She is also a master in communication, and constantly generates new ideas. The cards are calling on you to channel the Page of Sword's energy - her passion for new ideas, her ability to clearly communicate, and her immense energy - to be able to succeed to the fullest in the year ahead.

11. What will be your most important lesson in the coming year?

Death

A major phase in your life will come to an end, and a new one will start (perhaps the transition from PhD student to PhD Candidate?) - focus your energy on what is ahead, rather than the past. Some old parts of you need to 'die' in order for you to continue to grow and thrive in your new environment.

12. Overall, where are you headed in the next twelve months?

Justice

You were wronged in the last year. This card should bring you relief. Your efforts will be rewarded: integrity at work, careful attention to romantic relationships, and balancing giving and taking in many aspects of life. This next year is one of truth and balance. You will understand what is required of you, and what solutions are needed to succeed.

[mad2001-4]

Tiny Apprentice chp.1

Virus looked around the hotel. He initially wasn't for this plan, especially seeing how the last time Vox attempted to send a spy went- a dumpster fire as per usual. He had been so adamant that he was not going to play bait. He may not be an overlord, but he was most certainly a step above those underlings and employees his 'mentors' kept on leashes. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Maybe he had been a tad hard on Vox. Perhaps it really wasn't his fault that it went up in flames the first time, perhaps Pentious really less capable than he seemed because this was a walk in the park. Despite Vaggie's obvious disdain for his being here, Charlie seemed thrilled, and it was quite clear to Virus who called the shots in the relationship, a funny thought to him as one would surely think it was Vaggie given Charlie's personality, but, maybe just like everything else in Hell, it was all about the hierarchy of power. Regardless, that wasn't any of Virus's concern. It actually worked in his benefit and Virus was nothing if not an opportunist.

He took in the newly built hotel's decor, photographs, paintings, portraits. All the necessary things that, in his opinion, screamed 'OLD'. He stared up at a portrait of Sir Pentious in the military garb he'd worn before being so spectacularly wiped out. He smiled faintly as he remembered watching the grand final battle with his three mentors. Sure, he had acted much more invested in his laptop at the time, that was his whole thing, after all, but it didn't mean he wasn't paying attention. It was an enjoyable time, like the family movie night he couldn't quite master when he was alive. Plus, well, it was hard to entirely ignore what with Vox's outbursts every few minutes when being an audience to Alastor's defeat.

Ah yes, the Radio Demon.

Virus hadn't seen a single spec of the fearsome being, it made him wonder if the theories that Alastor had sustained enough injuries to simply fall over double dead actually held some merit. He didn't believe it at first but proof did not lie. Vox would either be pleased or devastated. He wasn't sure, their relationship was... well.... Virus couldn't quite tell.

There was obvious bitterness and obsession on Vox's end which wasn't new behavior for his main teacher by any means, but it still felt different... personal. Virus couldn't describe it properly and it did him no good to figure it out. All he knew for sure was had Alastor taken Vox's offer to join the Vees, Virus himself would likely be another lowly sinner making his way through life. His apprenticeship only came about as Vox's 'F U' to Alastor to show he didn't need him, with the added bonus of seeming oh-so caring for the citizens he hypnotized on a daily by offering some poor sucker the opportunity to work and learn their ways. Virus just so happened to fit Vox's aesthetics, thus his high life in Hell began.

He snorted at the thought, "Thanks for that at least, you old bastard," he mumbled, turning to walk down the hall when a voice he hadn't expected to hear made him stop in his tracks.

"Oh now, is that vulgar language anyway for a young gentleman to speak?" a voice that was made for radio purred out mockingly, "I would've thought Vox taught you better," then he sighed mockingly, "but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

Virus slowly turned, tilting his head up to see Alastor himself standing by him. The teenaged sinner shuttered, he hadn't even heard Alastor come near him, it was as if he appeared from thin air, something Virus supposed wasn't impossible. He'd heard of Alastor, he'd seen his picture, but those were nothing like seeing the actual thing.

"I-I uh..." he stammered quietly; he wasn't expecting that. What was he supposed to say, to do? His hand instinctively felt for his phone, everything in him said to report to Vox, to seek out his guidance, but he kept his wit and willpower about himself. If he whipped it out and did so now, then he'd be no better than Pentious.

He paused, drawing a deep breath in, trying to regain his wits about himself, "Well, rehabilitation doesn't happen overnight... I'm sure with time that influence will disappear, though I'd say swearing is the least of the worries here seeing the company you keep around. An alcoholic, a porn star? Not exactly what one would consider the holiest of people."

Alastor chuckled, but it carried a very cold chill about it, enough to make Virus shiver again, trying to keep his face calm and not give into the fright.

"Better than a Vee in my opinion," Alastor hummed.

Virus pulled a face, then snorted again, "First I never even officially made it to that title," he pointed out, "secondly, I've got time to atone for that, considering I've only been in their graces for seven years, there's no telling how long those two have been at it."

"Oh, the naivety," Alastor hummed, "how interesting that that is a trait Vox decided my little replacement needed."

Virus blinked, caught off guard. The official surroundings of his position were never publicly discussed, did Alastor just know Vox that well, did he have his own spies around Vee tower, or was he really that smart? Virus wasn't sure he actually wanted an answer to that. He felt uncomfortable and really, he just wanted to get out of this situation before he actually gave into the urge to contact the closest thing he had to family. Alastor didn't give him the chance as he continued the thought, however.

"Though, I would've thought he'd do much better than a little pipsqueak such as yourself..." he looked Virus up and down.

Virus struggled not to squirm, "Real original," he drawled, "and is that meant to be a dig at my size or my age?"

"Hmm, does it matter?" Alastor waved his hands, green magic emitting from his palm and smoking and circling his fingertips, "Both will be affected, fixed to better suit you...." he assured.

Virus's brows knitted together, starting to take a step back, "What the fuck do you mea-ahh!" he yelped, movements suddenly stopped completely. He could only assume Alastor's powers paralyzed him.

"Oh please, dear boy. We all know you aren't really here to be rehabilitated. Though, I suppose I am giving you a chance to start over... knowing you, however, you will simply go rushing back to your precious Vees once I'm done with you. I'm not concerned either way," he monologued, shrugging as if bored, "none of you will be a threat to me. You even less so. You were not one before, but I can assure you will not be one now," he hummed, "you could say this is merely a curtesy warning.... There now, much better."

Virus felt free reign of his body again, he looked down to see what had been done to him. It didn't register right away, until he spoke, "W-wha-" he stopped, his voice, it was higher. He looked around his surroundings and it suddenly dawned on him. Things were much bigger, Alastor was much bigger. Before he at least reached his chest, now, he did good to reach his knee. He was smaller. Much smaller.

"I believe about five suits you well," Alastor commented, "what a joy it was to have you in our hotel."

Virus stared up at the wide, unnerving smile and tears filled his eyes, humiliation and fear filling his tiny body up to the brim. Then, without much second thought, he immediately took off. It might not have been his smartest idea. Hell was hardly safe, but he couldn't stay at that hotel like this. He needed to be home.

[luv4fandoms]

Invisible String

Chapter 3- Easier said than done

Masterlist

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Shaking her head, Lizzie packed up the rest of the "crap ton" of cookies she made and grabbed her bag, luckily it was big enough to fit the Tupperware container in.

Making her way towards her first period she wondered just what this Spider guy was really gonna be like. Ari had filled her in more the night before, letting her know that his name was actually Miles but he preferred to be called Spider...where that nickname came from she wasn't sure, figuring it was something the Sully kids had dubbed him when they were little. The reason he preferred it was cause his dad's name was also named Miles, so...yeah. Speaking of his dad, she had told Lizzie that he was ex military as Neteyam had stated, having gone awol for awhile, so long that everyone thought he was dead. His wife had died not long after Spider was born and so with no father around, the Sully's took him in and raised him with their own kids. Then his dad popped into the picture a year ago and wanted to be part of Spider's life again...and Spider was nice enough that he gave him a shot at being a father. Lizzie honestly didn't know what she would have done in that situation, her own relationship with her father being strained due to him up and leaving when she was a kid, she hoped she would be as forgiving as Spider but she honestly wasn't sure.

"don't look too deep in thought, you'll get wrinkles" she heard a light laugh beside her, causing her eyes to shoot up and be met with Tsireya's dark ones.

"girl don't scare me like that" she laughed, while returning the hug that Tsireya happily gave.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I swear. May I ask what you were thinking so hard about?" She asked with a head tilt as they fell into step.

"it's nothing really, I was just thinking over some of the stuff Ari told me about Spider...and his dad...it makes me think of my own family life I suppose" she shrugged.

"you never talk much about your family life, is it a lot like Spider's?"

"I suppose just the absent father part"

"Perhaps when the time comes, that is something you two may bond over"

"Ah yes shared trauma does bring people together" Lizzie laughed, causing Tsireya to giggle as well as they stopped outside of Lizzie's first class.

"Oh! You did bring the cookies for lunch right? My brother hasn't shut up about them since you posted that this morning" she smiled... Ao'nung hadn't stopped talking about them? Lizzie tried to push down the blush and slow her heart as the butterflies took off again.

"Y-Yeah I brought them" she nodded, hating how she stuttered, especially with the look Tsireya was giving her for it.

"ok, good, cause I would have to kill him if he didn't shut up I swear" she laughed again, before the warning bell rang.

"oh I better get going! See you at lunch!" She called out, already running to her class. Lizzie took a moment to take a deep breath, he mind racing and yelling at her to stop getting her hopes up, but she couldn't help replaying Tsireya's words, and Ao'nung's comment this morning about someone wifing her up. She quickly made her way into her class and looked around..huh...Spider wasn't here yet? Taking her seat she grabbed her book and notebook before watching the door, she hoped he wouldn't be too late, Mr.Mclanie hated when people were late.

Quickly tucking her phone back into her bag, Lizzie turned her attention to Mr.Mclanie who had turned to begin his lesson, when suddenly the door burst open, causing all eyes to fall on the slightly panting boy who walked into the room, the final bell ringing just as the door closed behind him.

"I take it you are Mr.Socorro" Mr.Mclanie scowled.

"Yes sir, sorry about that, don't know my way around yet" he apologized, before looking around the classroom, quickly spotting Lizzie and giving her a smile.

"Well I trust that you now know your way to the class, so do not be late again!" He dismissed Spider, and Lizzie watched as he cringed at the man's loud tone, before turning and making his way to her.

"Hi" he smiled, sitting next to her.

"Hi, don't worry about Mr.Mclanie, he's always like that"

"Great guy"

"Yeah I'm pretty sure if he had a colonoscopy they would find a stick that's been lodged up there for years" She told him, watching with a smile as he quickly tried to hide his laugh. After that they fell into a comfortable silence, something Lizzie was thankful for. She was honestly nervous about meeting him, she didn't do well with meeting new people, her anxiety was always on high around strangers and she didn't want to come across as the panicked weirdo to someone who had known the group far longer than she had. But Spider had a very chill aura to him, and it helped calm her nerves instantly. As the lesson dragged on the two shared a few more hushed jokes and quips, quickly hiding their smiles from Mr.Mclanie who kept eyeing them until the end of the class.

"so what is your next class?" Spider asked while holding the door for her.

"sadly, Math" she groaned, hating even speaking of the subject.

"ugh, I don't know which is worse, having the class early or later. Like early you get it done and over with, but it's also still too early to comprehend that crap"

"Exactly! Like my brain has not had enough coffee for this" she laughed.

"Now you sound like Kiri"

"coffee is something we in fact bonded over...so what is your next class?"

"History, at least Neteyam is in that class with me"

"there you go, Rotxo is in my math class"

"be sure to bug him for me" he laughed as the pair walked.

"Don't tempt me, he is fun to bug" she laughed back as they stopped in front of another hallway.

"well, this is where we part ways"

"until lunch" she nodded.

"yes! The cookies I almost forgot" he smiled.

"yup" she laughed while patting her bag, causing his eyes to look down at it, before looking up at her with a look that was both questioning and pleading.

"the others are going to kill you if they find out" she laughed, but reached into the bag and container and grabbed a cookie, handing it to him.

"they will never know, promise" he smiled happily biting the cookie, and stopping for a moment, looking at the cookie, then at her.

"are they bad or something?" She asked, suddenly worried, the tester one had tasted fine. She watched him smile just as the warning bell rang and he began to back down the hall.

"No, you definitely need to listen to Ao'nung though, the whole, watch it or someone is gonna wife you up" he laughed, quickly eating the rest of the cookie with a smile. Lizzie could only shake her head with a laugh as the boy quickly disappeared into the classroom, and she turned to make her way to her own.

Sitting down next to Rotxo, Lizzie could only shake her head at Ari's text.

"uh oh, that looks says that was Ari" Rotxo whispered, gesturing towards the phone.

"it was" Lizzie laughed.

"what about?"

"just wanting to know what I thought about Spider" she replied,deciding to leave out the other question so that Rotxo didn't get the wrong idea.

"so what is the verdict girlie?"

"he's really nice, and chill, I think he and I are gonna get along really well" she smiled at him.

"good, definitely don't want any rough waves in the group"

"No definitely not. So how was your weekend?" She asked, acting as if she knew nothing.

"Oh! Y-Yeah it was great, got to hang out at the beach with Lo'ak, Neteyam, Ari, and Kiri" he smiled at the memory.

"Ari wasn't too much of a handful was she?" She laughed.

"Na, course not, Lo'ak and Neteyam kept her occupied of course"

"more like she kept them occupied" they both chuckled before they turned their attention back to the teacher.

The rest of the classes went by fairly slowly, but at least she had a friend in every class. Ari pretty much interrogated her as soon as she stepped into their shared science class. Wanting to know why she hadn't answered her, and when Lizzie replied that the teacher had, in fact, walked in, Ari proceeded to ask her until Lizzie finally conceded and admitted that yes, Spider was a cutie.

"Now can we drop it?" Lizzie pleaded.

"Ok ok...Just wanting to know if there could possibly be a budding romance-"

"Ari"

"Listen, I know you like Ao'nung but-"

"Hello class!" Mr.Spellman entered the room, effectively cutting off their conversation. Mr.Spellman kept them busy throughout the whole class, between mixing chemicals that almost blew up a kid who definitely was not paying attention, to explaining WHY you had to do it perfectly, the conversation had all but died between the two girls. And as soon as the bell rang Ari was out, but Mr.Spellman kept Lizzie back.

"Ms.Mills I was wondering if we could talk for a moment"

"of course Mr.Spellman, what's up?"

"I know you and Mrs.Williams work very well as a two person team. But as you know every table here has at least three people on it"

"Yes sir"

"I'm going to be adding someone else to this class, I know this is an advanced class and it's the middle of the year but we have a spot open and he would do well here. I just wanted to let you know before I spung him on your table" he finished with a laugh.

"well thank you for the heads up" she laughed.

"may I ask who it is?" She added.

"Of course, Miles Soccoro, I've actually known him since he was a child. I worked with his mother and father for awhile, and also the family that pretty much adopted him in"

"The Sully's"

"You know them?"

"I'm friends with Lo'ak, Neteyam, and Kiri, I actually just met Spi-Er-Miles today" she smiled.

"Oh! Great! So no problems then?"

"None at all, can't wait to have him in the class"

"Good good, well hurry off to lunch, I'm sure Mrs.Williams is waiting on you" he laughed, causing the girl to laugh as well, it was more like Lo'ak waiting on the cookies.

"have a nice day Mr.Spellman!"

"You too Ms.Mills"

Sure enough, a little ways down the hall was Ari, leaned against the wall typing away on her phone.

"ok I'm here. He just wanted to let me know that Spider will be joining the class as our third at the table" she smiled.

"REALLY?" Ari grinned, quickly putter he phone away.

"yup, he'll be joining us tomorrow. Guess for now they had him in a different class until they could move him" Lizzie shrugged.

"I can't wait! But let's head to lunch, Lo'ak is getting antsy"

"I fuckin knew it" Lizzie laughed. As soon as the two entered the lunchroom it wasn't hard to spot their group, and as soon as Ari laid eyes on Spider.

"MY SPIDER!!!" She all but screamed before running at the boy and practically launching herself, wrapping her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Luckily he was able to catch her, but that didn't stop him from stumbling a bit due to the force.

"It's good to see you too Ari" he laughed, placing her down and then giving her a tight hug back.

"Don't ever move away again! You're not allowed to!" She pouted.

"Yes ma'am" he smiled at her, before looking up as Lizzie approached.

"Hey" he nodded.

"Hello again, found the rest of your classes easier I hope?" she asked.

"I wouldn't say easier but, luckily I wasn't late to them" he laughed.

"That's always a good thing" she laughed back as they sat down, Lizzie sitting on the end with Spider and Kiri beside her, while Ari sat in between Lo'ak and Neteyam, who had seemingly brought her some McDonald's chicken nuggets and a Carmel ribbon crunch frappe.

"Ok mama" Lo'ak spoke, rubbing his hands together.

"You are insatiable when it comes to these" Lizzie laughed while pulling the container out of her bag and placing it in the middle of the table.

"That is for everyone" she stated as Lo'ak opened it, already grabbing four cookies.

"yeah yeah" he nodded.

"thank you" Neteyam smiled while grabbing a few.

"You spoil them" Kiri laughed while taking one.

"If this is how she spoils the group I'm really glad I came back" Spider laughed while grabbing a couple.

"You have another man to cook for now" Ari laughed.

"So many men and yet single. I call bs on that whole " a way to a man's heart is through his stomach" talk" she sighed.

"and here I thought it was through his third and fourth rib" Kiri shrugged, making Spider and Neteyam choke on their cookies.

"This is why I love you Kiri" Lizzie laughed.

"so where is Rotxo, Tsireya, and Fishlips?" Lo'ak asked, looking around.

"Rotxo said his and Tesirya's swim coach called them in for something" Kiri shrugged.

"Probably going over last minute things since the competition is coming up" Ari nodded, grabbing a cookie.

"probably, man the pressure they are under" Lizzie sighed

"it's tough, I couldn't do it that's for sure" Spider shook his head before digging into his lunch.

"I definitely give all y'all props that are on a team. I just could never" Lizzie said, looking over at Neteyam and Lo'ak since they were two of the school's best on the basketball team.

"You get used to it" Neteyam shrugged.

"No you get used to it when you have this complex that makes you wanna be the best" Lo'ak added, side-eyeing his brother.

"Do you want to be the best Neteyam? The best best?" Lizzie asked.

"Like no one ever was" Spider added, causing Lizzie to look over at him with wide eyes.

"what?"

"Oh my God shut up I didn't think anyone would get that reference" she laughed.

"how could I not?" He asked, laughing as well.

"Oh my fu-Now there are two nerds at this table" Lo'ak sighed, but you could see the smirk playing on his lips.

"hush, I think it's cute" Ari smiled.

"What's cute?" Another voice spoke up, as an arm reached between Spider and Lizzie to grab a few cookies.

"Spider and Lizzie are referencing Pokemon" Kiri stated.

"God I haven't watched that show in years" Ao'nung shook his head with a laugh.

"Will always be a classic though" Lizzie shrugged, looking up at Ao'nung, who hadn't sat down yet.

"definitely" he smiled.

"Are you gonna sit down or are you gonna stand there and look stupid?" Lo'ak asked, watching as Ao'nung flipped him off.

"as much as I would love to, I'd rather not waste Lizzie's cookies by upchucking cause of your face...beside I can't" he said while looking out towards the door.

"whatever dickhead" Lo'ak scoffed, reaching for another cookie.

"and why not?" Ari asked, looking at Ao'nung with a brow raised, a look that said she knew something, and the way the Ao'nung looked at her then away said she did.

"I just can't, but.." he started, reaching for another cookie, despite Lo'ak's protests.

"Thank you for these, delicious as always" he smiled at Lizzie, giving her a wink before heading off. Lizzie could feel her face warm at the action, sure Ao'nung was always the flirty type but there was something about that look, almost as if something was changing, changing between them perhaps...was he finally perhaps seeing her as a possibility, as something other than a friend?

"who's that?" Neteyam asked.

"I don't know" Kiri answered, and Lizzie found herself looking up at all of her friends, their eyes cast in the same direction, as she followed their gaze she felt her stomach drop, because there, clinging to Ao'nung's arm, was a beautiful girl, smiling sweetly at him. And Lizzie watched as he nodded before they both walked out of the lunch room. She wasn't sure how long she stated at the door, but when she turned back, all of her friends looked at her.

"fucking idiot" Lo'ak spoke, arms crossed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Lizzie" Neteyam started but the girl was already standing.

"I'm um...gonna get some air" she nodded, quickly making her way out of the lunch room and to the only place she knew she could hide... Mrs. Alkebulan's art class. The relationship she had with the teacher was parental in a way. Mrs.Alkebulan was like that with all her students, taking on the living mother role, even more so to any souls she thought needed help or comfort. From her dress that displayed not only her bubbly personality, but also her culture. To the way her words would ring out in her East African accent, wise words that always seemed to make you feel as if you were speaking with the universe itself. Right now, Lizzie needed that comfort.

"what is it dear?" Mrs.Alkebulan asked, as the girl stepped in, she knew it was lunchtime and she should be with her friends.

"I'm sorry to barge in...I just needed someplace away" Lizzie apologized, but the woman simply held up her ringed hand, bangles jingling as she moved.

"nonsense, I have told you many times, my class is your safe space, so come, tell me what is troubling you" she gestures towards the chair she pulled next to her. Lizzie nodded and sat down, confessing how she felt stupid for even thinking a boy she liked could like her back, how she should have known that he would always see her as a friend, but it didn't make it hurt any less, and how she wondered if she ever would find anyone.

"The heart is a complex thing my child, and I fear you are only tasting a pinch of it. You are not stupid for letting your heart feel, but we must not let our hearts run off unless we know they will be safe. The soul and heart are very similar in that way, our soul is us, our hearts are ours to give, but we must give it wisely. You can love with all you have my child, and I encourage you to do so, as often as you can. And when the time comes, which it will, they will be someone, who will protect your heart, who will treat it like the most precious jewel in the world, and in turn you must do the same for them. Then, you will find your true mate" she smiled.

"A true mate" Lizzie mused, she liked the thought of that, that somewhere out there was someone who was perfectly made for her...or at least would protect what was most precious to her"

"they are a once in a lifetime find indeed" the woman smiled before handing the girl some food.

"oh I don't want to take away your lunch" Lizzie protested.

"it's extra, I had a feeling today I would have company, so I wanted to be prepared" she replied with a kind smile, pushing the container towards her...Mrs.Alkebulan always did make the best food.

"So where is she?" Spider asked as he watched Ari sat down her phone.

"Art class"

"I had a feeling she would go there" Kiri nodded as Rotxo came to sit beside her, Tsireya taking Lizzie's spot beside Spider.

"Why art class?" Spider asked.

"Mrs.Alkebulan is kinda like a mother to all of us" Neteyam replied.

"I tried to tell her in Science but Mr.Spellman interrupted" Ari sighed.

"tell her what?" Rotxo asked, stealing some fruit from Kiri's lunch.

"On no" Tsireya gasped.

"Ao'nung was here wasn't he?"

"yeah and his little toy" Lo'ak scoffed.

"oh...Oh" Rotxo replied, everything suddenly clicking.

"So how long has she had a thing for him?" Spider asked.

"we're not really sure" Ari shrugged.

"Lizzie doesn't really talk about her feelings a lot" Neteyam added.

"She is frustrating in that way" Kiri added.

"As if you're one to talk" Lo'ak rolled his eyes, earning a grape being thrown at him.

"unrequited crushes suck though, especially if they've been going on for awhile" Spider nodded, reaching for another cookie, catching Neteyam and Lo'ak's eye, before he quickly looked away, he knew they knew he was speaking from experience.

"I just hope she'll be ok" Tsireya sighed

"Lizzie is a strong one, but the heart takes time to heal" Rotxo replied.

--

Lizzie was already scribbling away as she sat at her desk when she heard the other students begin to file in. Her mind replayed Mrs.Alkebulan's words as she sketched out ideas for a piece. But she soon felt arms around her neck and knew right away that it was Ari.

"I'm fine" she laughed, patting the girl's arms and feeling her let go before taking her seat beside her. She heard the chair on her other side move and turned to see Spider, Kiri sitting next to him and completing their little circle of desks.

"Hello" she smiled at them.

"I'm fine...really" she told Kiri when she caught the look she was giving her.

"what's that?" Spider asked, trying to change the subject for Lizzie's sake.

"Just some doodles hoping to maybe find one I like and turn it into a painting" she told him.

"can't wait to see it" he smiled at her, causing her to smile back.

"Ok class" Mrs.Alkebulan started

"Today's project is going to require you to look deep within" she started, looking around the room.

"You have heard the expression "Go to your happy place" yes?" She asked, looking around as everyone nodded.

"I want you to show me what that place looks like, and why it is your happy place" she smiled.

"You can use any sort of medium for this project, and don't worry if you don't finish it today, we can work on it tomorrow as well" and with that she gestured to everything and made her way back to her desk.

"Shall I get some paint for the table?" Kiri asked

"Yes please!" Ari smiled

"Sure" Lizzie nodded

"I can help" Spider said as he began to get up, but Ari beat him to the punch.

"I'll help, you sit!" And with that she and Kiri walked over to the paints.

"Demanding as always" he chuckled.

"That's Ari" Lizzie smiled, both of them turning at the sound of Kiri's phone vibrating on the table, the screen lighting up with a message, a message that the both of them were able to read before the screen went dark again.

"Hey, I really enjoyed the other day and was wondering if you maybe wanted to do it again sometime? Like this Friday? Dinner and a movie?-Rotxo"

Lizzie turned to look at Kiri who was still at the paints with Ari, but noticed that Spider was still staring at the phone, with a look that she recognized all too well at that moment.

'Oh no'

"Hey, are you o-"

"So when did that happen?" He laughed lightly, but Lizzie could tell it was a forced laugh.

"I'm not sure if anyone is supposed to know...I'm not sure if you can call it a thing honestly" Lizzie started, and was going to end it there, but when Spider's eyes met her she knew what he was feeling, so she continued.

"They hung out this past weekend and ended up going to dinner, that's all" She shrugged, but could still see the far away look in his eyes, and before she could stop herself, she reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a light squeeze, and a slight smile when his eyes met hers. An unspoken conversation between them, one of knowing exactly how the other was feeling.

"ok, here is the paints" Ari stated as she and Kiri placed the pants on the table, Lizzie letting go of Spider's hand, but not before Ari caught it, but decided not to say anything.

"Ok, our happy place" Ari nodded, looking at the canvas in front of her.

"Happy place" Lizzie nodded, looking over at Spider, both of them now hidden behind the canvas that sat upon the small easels on their desks. Both of their shoulders slumped, the heaviness of their hearts painted across their faces as they looked at each other, and she watched as he mouthed something, and she knew exactly how he felt.

"Easier said than done"

Taglist @arianamhm

© to @luv4fandoms on tumblr; do not repost or steal

[ocalaghan]

i finished watching the golden girls tonight and let me tell you... that is not a show to finish watching when you're in the heartache of a friend break-up lmao.

it was good though. i started it in january 2022 because it had been on my radar for a while and in the wake of betty white's passing, it felt like a fitting time to finally start it. i watched the first 5 seasons quite quickly but slowed waaaaaay down with the last two. i can see why it was so loved. i almost wish i'd kept note of the plot-holes to make a post about them though because i noticed soooooo many.

i think rose and dorothy were my favourites. rose was so sweet. i'm clearly too fucking soft to be alive because sometimes when the other girls made jokes at rose's expense, it made me feel like crying lmao.

i was surprised the series ended without saying anything about she and miles' wedding because they were engaged just a few episodes before the finale? i guess that might be because of the sequel show but i was shocked it ended with a wedding that wasn't rose's. i'm glad she was choosing to stay living with blanche and sophia instead of moving in with her daughter though, but it did sort of make me wonder because if she's getting married won't she be perhaps moving in with miles sometime in the near future???

i was happy for dorothy though. the whole series she had such back-and-forth with stan and the other girls joking about her single life so i think she deserved a nice husband!!! the fact it was someone related to one of her best friends was a nice twist (although it did make me wonder how old he is if he's blanche's uncle).

blanche's story concluded the way she'd always been and she's fairly happy with her life so... no complaints there??? i think it would've been fun if sophia had a lil boyfriend though. but i still have to watch the golden palace so i guess we'll see. i'm just glad none of them will be lonely/without each other. the scene of them all crying and hugging goodbye had me so sad though. like pls! you can all visit each other! </3

throughout the series though i had a crazy hard time keeping up with their families. it seemed like they all had absolutely hundreds of siblings and children. rose had like... nine (???) adoptive siblings. and she mentions five children but we only ever meet two of her daughters, kiersten and bridget, and we know of two granddaughters, both kiersten's.

and then blanche is one of five children and i think we meet all of her siblings bar her brother tad in this series. and i was constantly confused by her kids, every time she mentioned one of them it seemed like there was a new drama!!! probably because she was a distant mother who relied on nannies because she had five kids she seemingly wasn't super interested in mothering, but anyway. i know we meet janet and rebecca whom she repairs her relationships with, and then we don't meet matthew "skippy", or doug, or biff. and we know her late husband had a son borne of an affair, david. i like to think blanche keeps in touch with david and maybe introduces him to his half-siblings so they can all have a relationship. it bugged me that he was called david though because, common as the name may be, they could've just made it something different since one of janet's three children is called david and we meet him during the series too.

dorothy was less confusing because she only had one sister and one brother (i was so sad for her and sophia when he died??!) and only had two kids, michael and kate. so as a result, sophia, also less confusing, because she's got three kids with one of them obviously being a main character.

anyway. i find it deeply interesting how the perception of middle-aged women has changed in the decades since this show aired. i always thought these women were meant to be much older than they were (with the exception of sophia, since she's aged 80 in the pilot). like definitely late 60s at the very least (which still isn't really that old now). but they're all early to mid 50s when the show begins. they are by no means 'old' ladies in my eyes. whereas you look at shows nowadays that portray women in their 50s, you generally wouldn't assume they're 50. it's just interesting how the style has changed but also the lens through which we view aging women.

anyway, it was a great show. i'd like to watch the sequel. i feel like it tied up the main plots nicely enough and it made me laugh out loud genuinely several times. it was far more progressive than i expected it to be considering the era and seeing these beautiful women being trailblazers for 'older' women, and for these minority groups and prevalent issues they discussed on the show was a joy.

it feels strange to think they are all now passed, but they've given people such comfort even long after their deaths. <3

[sentientgopro]

Okay, so I know this might sound odd, but I kinda want to keep track of how my feelings have been changing seeing as my life just turned upside down a few days ago. Something feels weird about keeping a note to myself, idk why, For some reason I feel kore comfortable posting it to the internet. Well, I guess that is kinda the point of a blog? Anyway, if youre seeing this but not my last post on Monday, I think I cracked on Sunday Night.

That first post was comprised of how I was feeling Sunday Night- Monday Morning (10/11 Dec) and, well, I'm not going to repeat it. Monday was... weird. I didn't feel great, although thats not significantly out of the ordinary, but I was facing a difficult question I would rather not have to answer, especially when the obvious conclusion was such a difficult one to follow through and act on. It was a question Id rather die than face.

Monday evening was when I decided to start truly planning for the possibility. I may not know If Im right yet, and depending on how hard it may be, I was wondering if it was even worth it. Then I had a look at some trans timelines, and asked people about HRT options, and that was what changed my fuckin life. It was then that I saw how real this was and just how possible this was. The realisation that this was on the cards for me (after a 2 year wait) made me feel really fucking good. Like best Ive felt in a long time. Ive been running on fumes, a list of people to outlive, and "My cats would miss me" but this provided a positive reason to keep going, something to look forward to. For the first time in ages, I wanted to Carry On, not just felt like I had to. And this feeling/ realisation also helped in validating my feelings, that Im not just making it up.

And then came tuesday. The best day Ive had in a long time. I've heard people say "Transitioning may not solve all your problems, but it can make them feel worth solving" but I realised I had that in reverse. My problems are affecting my academic success, so to get out this house and get to Uni, I need to start fixing/ overcoming those problems. My problems feel worth solving so that I can get to transition. I got more done that day and focused easier than I have in a long time.

Later into Tuesday, I considered what my future could look like now. How might it affect other parts about me? I considered my Aroace identity, might it affect that? And I quickly realised I might not be Aro. Why could I see myself happily in a relationship in the future, as a girl, but not as a guy? Hell, I took the idea out of relationships, and realised I couldn't see a happy future at all as a guy. Ive known this for a while, and kinda brushed it off as "Modern society sucks ass" and "Who knows what the future holds" and shit like that, but if that was the case, I wouldnt see a happy future as a girl, which I do. This was another big help in feeling that Im not mistaken about my feelings, and also helps to explain why Ive always felt a little conflicted on my Aromanticism, because it wasn't. As for now, until I can transition, the label still fits. I still think Ill be Ace either way, but I cant know that until the time comes. It doesnt really matter, those labels can be pretty fluid, I shouldnt stress over it. The key takeaway here was that it seemed that Dysphoria was stopping me from wanting a relationship. Perhaps I was wrong about not feeling dysphoria, I think i might just have not been noticing it or understanding it.

I'm caught up to today, which hasn't really seen major developments. I acknowledged the fact that Ive been kinda subconsciously viewing myself as more feminine for years now, but I dont feel like that thought significantly leads anywhere beyond reinforcing how I feel. Most of my thought on this went towards music and lyrics, as now I have a whole new dimension of meanings to find in songs, completely changing how I see alot of them. For example, one song, that I havent been able to find any meaning to until now, has these lines across 2 different verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer,"

and

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror"

After a quick google, the idea of "Breaking a mirror" means bad luck for years, before being okay, which can be interpreted to have fairly heavy parallels to a transition. The first version talks about needing to go through this period, but not being able to or not being ready. As much as I say I cant transition bc of living eith my controlling and transphobic parents, I also know I would not be ready to do it if that wasnt the case. But, as in the second version of these two lines, once I can make it all clearer, If I can just hold out until the end of the two years, if time keeps passing, I can break the mirror.

There are other parts of this song I like and find (questionable) trans meanings in, but these parts stand out. Song is "The Gift" by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman for anyone wondering, I'd best describe it as Melodic heavy metal, heavy instrumentals courtesy of Kevin and beautiful vocal melody courtesy of Elena.

So that was pretty much my day today, finding little bits of meaning in various songs I already listen to. Although its only 2:30PM, there may be more to come later. Regardless, now that ive caught up, Im just going to be keeping every post as its own individual thought or topic. If you did actually read through this, thanks I guess? I dont know why I feel more comfortable writing this here than a private note. Ill only tag this with 196 because eh, why tf not.

[cator99]

actually getting diagnosed with OCD at 23 helped me pinpoint how I might create a personalized treatment plan for myself since I was on my own at that point and had been so thoroughly therapized only primarily for depression and anxiety and behavioural issues and whatnot etc while oddly enough never being clocked as someone who might benefit from CBT but I do think my very typical OCD got hidden behind the fog of everything else which was admittedly far more severe and immediately requiring of intervention... and once that was mostly out of the way I could approach the core of it on my own terms (I declined the fluvoxamine the diagnosing psych offered me lol I just wanted her to either deny or confirm my suspicions so I could proceed with clarity)... this seems to be a sort of common experience for people with severe mental problems in this vein... often they are being stifled by the more immediate and noticeable outward impacts of that core issue that's been festering (which isnt some in-born thing but the result of lived expereince... I'm assuming everyone knows this but am consistently baffled by the fact that many people never make any progress bc they cant get over that first big hurdle which is accepting that these symptoms aren't inherent traits. Easier said than done I suppose) that just trying to formulate a treatment plan regarding its effects on the persons life is enough of a massive undertaking that any planning beyond it is out of the question by the time the person is recieving help... like yeah obviously........ very weird to think about in hindsight now that I'm at a place of general stability at almost 28... it occured to me that I keep this guy at more than an arms length because he reminds me of my 15 year old self and I know there's no real reaching that as he's protected by a fortress of his own delusions and this isn't me shitting on his unwell state but rather instinctually understanding that in situations like this you have to take it upon yourself to maintain boundaries (since they can't) as well as afford the dignity and space to deal with it on their own (lest they feel the pressure to perform for you) in my experience, if you are brought inside that delusion you will be left mucking about in what amounts to open wounds and few are equipped to handle that sort of thing. Like yeah its isolating but MOST relationships you form in that state will just be an extension of your unwellness anyway if both parties arent equipped with the proper tools so to speak... It felt like the end of the world when I was 20 and unemployed and screwed up and moved into my first real place that wasn't a group or foster or treatment home or in-program-SIL and all my responsible employed and educated mid-20s lgbt housemates put a large amount of distance between themselves and me and while they were polite it still totally hurt and confused me why they left me feeling like a stranger when we shared a home. They were absolutely doing the right thing and probably realized that as soon as any attempt to connect with me was made and I was just oozing Delusional! I'm relieved in hindsight because they were kind of annoying people anyways haha and them requesting I move out because I wasn't a good fit was the thing that ultimately led me to where I am today, in a long and convoluted way..... and I may sound cynical or perhaps fatalistic but I want to be clear that's not it at all... it was friendship and hard work inspired by said friendship that got me here

housemate offhandedly mentioned his debilitating social anxiety and ok usually I am entirely numb toward having any genuine thoughts or feelings towards or as a result of this dude but I had like a flicker of a memory of what that was like as though it were some long lost world to me as opposed to an experience that dominated my mental landscape after a very difficult period in my young life (the period of course simply being my young life) the overall effect at least from an outward perspective was that I began to increasingly behave and dress like a lunatic all the time for years and years on end