#as fancy art collectors and try to solve the case

[luandti]

Museum AU (snippet)

Lucy Chen was angry. At HIM. Again.

“Is this really necessary?” she crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared at Tim Bradford, Head of Security.

He gave her an annoyed look in response.

“Listen, Chen. I do an important job here. Not all of us can make a living out of painting pictures of naked men.”

Lucy rolled her eyes. He knew damn well that wasn’t what her job was (she was actually an art teacher who worked in museum education). But ever since he had confiscated her flyers, looking for nude models for an art class, he made fun of her. Her co-worker Rachel had commented that it was a shame Tim Bradford didn’t volunteer because he was quote “fine as hell”. Lucy did absolutely not think about him naked after that, ever.

“What’s going on?” that was Angela Lopez who worked with Tim in security and from Lucy’s experience so far she was actually nice. Although, she looked pretty intimidating right now.

“I couldn’t get into the museum because my access card doesn’t work. Mr. super cop over there”, Lucy made an annoyed pointing gesture with her head in Tim’s direction, “pretends he doesn’t know who I am and sticks to protocol.”

Angela looked between them for a second. And Lucy could swear there was a gleam in her eye. “He called the cops on you?”

“I did not call the cops!”, Tim sounded exasperated. “I simply have to manually check her ID to make sure she actually works here”.

“You KNOW I work here”, Lucy said through gritted teeth.

Angela definitely had a gleam in her eye.

“Bradford”, Nyla Harper’s voice, laced with authority, came from accross the entrance hall. “You had your fun, now let her through”. Nyla was the co-head of security and Lucy loved her because she usually treated Tim like an annoying little brother.

Tim ignored Nyla. But after making a show out of looking closely at Lucy’s face and afterwards at her ID photo, he gave it back to her and let her pass. Angela promised she would be in touch as soon as they found out what was going on with her card.

“Ugh, he is the WORST”, Lucy was still angry when she entered the office which she shared with Rachel and Tamara, her roommate and intern.

“Tim again?”, Rachel asked and exchanged a meaningful glance with Tamara which Lucy choose to ignore.

“Why does he have to annoy me all of the time?”

“Are you sure that is what he does?” Tamara sounded amused.

“What are you implying?”

“I don’t know... I always thought he is kinda flirting with you?”

Lucy tried not to blush but failed. “He is not!”

She heard Tamara whisper “sure” under her breath and choose to ignore that, too.

The truth was Lucy had no idea what exactly she and Tim had going on. Sometimes she thought there might be something flirty there - especially after Nyla’s wedding last year when he had asked her to dance with him and actually smiled at her.

From the start she had not been intimidated by his tough exterior but seen it as a challenge. Sometimes she was extra cheerful whenever she intercated with him and in return he pretended to be annoyed by that. They had played pranks on each other, starting with Lucy stealing his money from him after he had lectured her about keeping her backpack in an “unsecure place” while she led a group of kindergartners through the museum (she had left her backpack in the break room like everyone else).

Sometimes they do share intimate stuff with each other, too. For example when Lucy had found out about Tim’s wife, Isabel, a former employee at the service desk who had been fired when she, repeatedly, came to work high. After not seeing her for over a year, Tim caught her stealing money from the museum. He had tried to cover up for her. But Lucy had seen him and decided to talk him out of it. She told him that he would regret helping Isabel. He had been angry with her at the time. But the next day she saw him entering Grey’s office. The museum director was generally a kind employer but he had reported Isabel to the police after that.

In the almost two years that had passed since then, Lucy had absolutely not asked Angela about Isabel at one point and had totally not felt a fluttery feeling in her chest when Angela had told her that after Isabel’s return from rehab, she and Tim had decided to get divorced.

Last May, when Lucy’s abusive ex-boyfriend Caleb had tried to contact her again and Lucy had been scared, Tim had noticed and walked her home from work for a month after that.

When her best friend Jackson, a fashion model, had been in a car accident and Lucy couldn’t find out what was going on, it was Tim who called one of his cop friends for information and later drove her to the hospital.

So, Lucy knew that Tim was actually a good peson. He was generally liked among his co-workers, too. Angela and him seemed to be best friends even.

But still there were a lot of times when Lucy and Tim were at each others throats. Like when she had tried to recruit naked models for her adult art class: Tim had taken all of her flyers away and said they were against museum policy. Lucy knew he had made that up.

Or the time when Lucy was so angry at him because he thought about marrying his then girlfriend Ashley, although, she didn’t like his dog, Kojo? What was he thinking?

------

Tim Bradford watched as Lucy Chen finally walked towards the elevators. Maybe he had been a bit over the top this morning, of course he knew who she was and there actually wasn’t any protocol which forced him to double check her ID. But he always enjoyed ruffling her feathers a bit.

“Timothy, you do know that you are beeing pretty obvious, right?”

Tim spun around, giving Angela what he hoped was an outraged look.

Angela couldn’t stop a teasing smile from appearing on her lips. “Ohhh... you really do like her then.”

Tim closed his eyes and shook his head gathering all of his patience.

“Ang... please not this again, he started walking back towards their office next to the Museum’s gigantic wooden entrance doors.

Angela followed him. “Tim is in looove”

“Angela! Stop it.” He opened the door to the small room full of monitors showing surveillance footage.

Entering behind him Angela was about to say something when Tim let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t want to talk about her, ok? Besides, she would never consider dating me.”

“Why are you so sure about that?”

“She knows about Isabel, ok? About what I almost did for her? How I couldn’t stop my wife from becoming a drug addict. How I was so bad at marriage that she choose to live on the street...”.

Angela stared at him for a moment. “So that is why you don’t ask her out? because you are ashamed of your divorce?”

Tim ignored her and sat down to go through his paperwork.

“Tim, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard”, Angela announced. “I am pretty sure Lucy is into you..”.

That caught Tim’s interest “Why would you say that?”

Angela rolled her eyes at him “I have told you this before you idiot: she asks me stuff about you sometimes.” Laughing quietly she added “she probbaly thinks she is low-key about it but she is really not.”

Tim thought about that for a minute. “Doesn’t matter she is dating that Chris guy from PR”. Tim said “Chris” with obvious distaste.

“No, they actually broke up a month ago”, none of them had realized that Smitty, the janitor, had stepped into the office.

“Smitty, do I wanna know how you found that out?” Angela asked carefully.

“I overheard her talking to Rachel”, Smitty revealed innocently.

“He still hasn’t ask her out, then?” Nyla appeared behind Smitty and Tim covered his face with his hands. Why was everyone involved in this?

“Oh, Timmy, don’t be sad”, Nyla gave him a playful clap on the shoulder.

“When you don’t ask her, I will...” Smitty couldn’t even finish his sentence before Angela and Nyla said in unison “No! Not again”.

Tim had enough. He walked past them, out of the building and took a deep breath on the sidewalk in front of Thorsen Art Museum.

---

I had the idea for this AU in my head for a while but I don’t have the patience or the time to write full fics (sorry ;)). But I wanted to bring it to life somehow. So here is a fraction of a Chenford Museum AU. I hope you enjoy this. Also I am sorry for any language mistakes.

Btw this is what I envision AU Lucy’s apartement to look like.

[igotyoukth]

Presents. Hyung Line.

Masterlist.

Seokjin

“This is so embarrassing. Alexa, play Embarrassed by BTS,” rang through your mind. Recreating Alexa memes in your head was the least of your problems, in front of the situation you were facing. 

Jin had announced that he finally managed to buy one of the action figures, he was after for a while. And now he explained you on the phone, how hard it had been to get it using all of his connections. Listening to his side of the story, everything was fine. More than that, you should be happy for him, he sounded so euphoric. 

The only problem was, that you called him to say, that you managed to get the same exact figure as well. Not the fancy way though. You had followed every auction side on the internet, keeping an eye on them, in case someone had the figure you had in mind. And miraculously at the beginning of this week, it had appeared. And so you bid over the piece and won. Or maybe lost, your account was missing a big sum now. It was second hand, but Jin wouldn’t mind, you had thought. All he would use it for was staring at it for a while and wait for it to cover in dust. 

“Babe, are you not happy? Don’t repeat your ‘Action figures are useless’ thing again, I’m too happy for that,” Jin said, after you didn't respond to him. 

“No, Jin. It’s great news, re-really,” you stuttered, still unsure of what to do. 

“But it’s a bummer, that I got just one, you know,” Jin added with a little less excited voice. 

“Why? I always tell you not to be greedy, one piece of useless plastic on your shelf is enough, isn’t it?” No matter how confused you were, you couldn’t give up on ranting on him. 

“Miss Problematic, I’m thinking about my best friend Namjoons, who happens to miss that one piece in his collection,” he mimicked your annoyed high pitched voice. But you weren’t annoyed anymore. You were blissed. The hundreds of dollars you spent weren’t for the cat, like your one weird German friend always said. 

“What will you do, if I solve that problem for you?”

“We did talk about marriage, you are the one opposing it, I’m free this weekend.” Sometimes you regretted joking around him.

“Just make sure you have enough signed albums for me to bribe my colleges, I’ll be fine,” you changed the subject, and explained how you wanted to surprise him with your purchase, but failed, but also not. So he would gift his figure to Namjoon, and gladly accept your gift.

Yoongi

If buying sleep was possible, you would’ve been the first person to do it for him. Or maybe second, because Yoongi would possibly be the first one to do so. He was richer than you after all. Anyways, there was nothing that this boy wished for, as he either didn’t need anything, or was already in possession of it. It didn’t help, that he was quite minimalistic and practical in his way of living. He did smile and shine, when you gifted him decoration and couple items, but now he threatened you with buying you even more useless things in return, like items shown in those tiktok videos. So you were cautious.

“Don’t buy anything,” Yoongi interrupted your whining. 

“Because my existence alone is enough right?,” you asked and pretended to vomit on him. He didn’t even react to it. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” this earned him a kick against the shin,”we don’t need to gift each other anymore.” “Whoa, just be honest and confess you are tired of me already,” you acted as if you were hurt by his words. You weren’t. But acting crazy made him react to you sometimes. 

“I got an idea, how about you stop acting crazy? Great gift! For like a week or so?” Like you hoped, he entirely turned into your direction and tried to act all serious. 

“So you can get bored even more? No I can’t risk that.” You sticked out your tongue. Only Yoongi could sit there and try to analyze your behavior like this. He didn’t label you as just plainly crazy, but tried to understand why you did this. After a long staring contest, he finally clapped his hands and turned back to the notebook in front of him. 

“You already have a present, that’s why you are so bratty,” he said calmly. 

“Is it because you’re a pisces? How do you always know, I don’t like that.” “Bring out the gift, so you can relax.” And with huffing and puffing you stood up and walked to your bag. Like he guessed, you already had his gift, you just wanted to annoy him a bit.Even though it never worked the way you hoped. 

“Here,” you said and put the package under his nose. 

“My girl is so mindful, how did you know I ran out of it?,” he asked, picking up his favorite perfume out of the box. 

“I’m not, you were beginning to stink, that’s it,” you lied. 

“Thank you, then? And you are welcome, for not stinking anymore?,” he said a little unsure. 

Hoseok 

It was easy to make Hoseok gifts. Get into mall, look out for the most expensive store and find the most expensive thing. Easy for the brain, a little hard for the wallet. But it’s fine. You reduced situations for gifting each other down to birthdays. It was fine to spent hundreds once a year. That’s what you told yourself. 

The other way around, Hoseok was struggling enormously. To be fair, he had the money, but the ideas were missing. There was no brand you liked (you cursed way too many times about those capitalists, which included Hoseok sometimes), and you looked like you had everything you needed. In Hoseok’s eyes, it was never wrong to have far more than what you needed, but he didn’t want to buy you things that would age in the corner of your room. 

“Just buy her something she mentioned before,” Jimin suggested,”exchange lists of what you want or something.”

“Is that what you do with your girlfriend?,” Hoseok asked confused. 

“Yea, so we both can be happy,” Jimin answered.

“But aren’t surprises more fun though?,” Seokjin added.

“Don’t start with that shit, Hyung. Not only did your girl get you something you bought for yourself, but you did the same thing for her as well,” Hoseok said, not sure why he was asking his members for advice.

“That’s called fate and love, we just know each other too well,” Jin rolled his eyes at Hoseok. 

“I thought about make-up? Or clothes, she rarely has time to go shopping,” Hoseok voiced some of his ideas. 

“Please, she will say ‘Am I not pretty, do you want me to change?’ if you turn up with those things,” Yoongi said. 

“Hyung, sorry but you are the only one dating a psycho,” Hoseok said. 

“But Yoongi is right though, make-up and clothes are risky, one for her reaction but also you can’t match her taste 100% with those things,” Jin argued.

“Ah! I’ll gift a coupon, a shopping spree with me and I’m buying everything! What about that?,” Hoseok asked his members enthusiasticly. 

“It’s pretty close to my idea, so I like it!,” Jimin said, and the others agreed as well. 

Namjoon 

Namjoon had animals, stars, parts of the moon, trees, hell even whole forests dedicated to him. So maybe some of the oxygen you breathed was his. How could you top that? How could you find better gifts for his birthday, when that boy literally owned parts of the universe? Of course, he had things he was passionate about, things he collected and bought. You couldn’t buy him a whole museum, neither a collector’s piece nor real paintings. But you hoped, that maybe if you created something, maybe he would love it like art on display.

So operation ‘Learn how to get into pottery and create an acceptable tea pot’ began two weeks before your anniversary. Not that Namjoon was a tea person, but he was a person with baby shoes in his studio. That boy only cared for aesthetics. 

And you learned how to be patient with your untalented hands, started growing muscles, and finally created the most asymmetrical tea pot the world had seen. The artsy type of asymmetrical though. And it definitely had character, you like the plain design, and the gold accents you had added to cover up some uneven parts. 

“Babe, this is gorgeous!,” Namjoon said, confirming that you did choose well.

“I’m happy you like it,” you responded, overly confident with how the pot turned out. 

“I didn’t know you could do something like this, babe. It will look great in the studio.”

“How did you know I made it?,” you asked Namjoon, clearly with less confidence than earlier. Because you had thought about selling it as an artist piece, like that’s how pleased you were with the tea pot. 

Noticing the shift in your mood, Namjoon was confused. 

“Is it ugly?,” you asked, when he didn’t respond. 

“I told you, it looks amazing! It’s missing-”

“It’s missing what?,” you interrupted.

“It’s missing a logo at the bottom, babe! Don’t be overdramatic!,” Namjoon laughed. 

[twistednuns]

December 2018

Iglo Veggie love with broccoli, buckwheat and black beans. Quick and easy.

The TEDxTUM event was pretty inspiring. I loved how they organised it and some of the speakers were amazing. Seeing all the cool stuff other people are working on actually motivated me to try and achieve great things myself. I'd like to learn about something new, start a project or volunteer.

Pick Up Limes videos.

The way Cher sings the word Memphis in her cover song.

Seeing Frank for the first time in four months. Having a good time at the Uncle Acid concert, getting a beer at Flex. Even though meeting him always causes some kind of emotional turmoil it might actually help to solve a few things I've been stressing over this time, for example that whole deal with Claudia.

Spending two hours in the kitchen on a Sunday morning. Preparing a summer and a winter curry. Pre-cutting salad. Listening to Tai Chi music. Baking these divine buckwheat chocolate cookies - absolutely delicious even though I forgot to add salt. Kinda healthy, too! It's grain-free (I even used groats) and I substituted part of the sugar with honey.

Gift ideas for rock collectors and mycophiles.

A spotted woodpecker in our backyard.

Dalmatian Jasper. Such a pretty stone.

Blinded by the Light. And a trip down musical memory lane. Making a nostalgia mixtape. Singing, enjoying the sound of my voice (as long as I hit the right vocal range).

Drawing owls. For hours. Using my Polychromos coloured pencils. I'm currerntly working on two owl-related projects, designing a logo for coffee roasters and making my friends' wedding invitation. Drawing owls like lovebirds is such a satisfying thing to do. Also: making my students come up with new ideas! Some actually drew some owl logos, too!

Tetris.

Reading books I don't understand. By people who are smarter than me. A very humbling experience. There is so much more to learn, experience and achieve.

Franzi's elegant coat and her ice crystal earrings. She's pregnant but she is skinnier than before and looks great. We cuddled up on a rooftop and had Kinderpunsch.

Practising The Pogues' Fairytale of New York for for karaoke night. I never hit the NYPD choir note quite right. My neighbours must hate me.

Taking a mental health day. Starting the day with baking cookies, making vegan sushi rolls. Reading, taking a nap. Yoga in the evening. Feeling really happy and relaxed. One of those rare inspired days when everything just falls into place. I kept revisiting beautiful places and memories during Shavasana. And I LOVE my yoga teacher more and more each week. So sad she is leaving the studio.

Taming your temper - tips for anger management.

Another coincidence. I wondered when the next Bilderbuch record will be released when I was looking at Mavi Phoenix at her concert - that girl is the female version of Maurice Ernst. A few hours later I found out that Bilderbuch actually had released a new album one day ago. WHAT.

Mirror tape.

Being a fluffy little red cat's human of choice. We sat in a cat café, no animals in sight. After a while a cat walked up straight towards me, sat down on my yellow scarf and kneaded it. Later she demanded attention and purred while I scratched her jaw. Apparently this was quite a rare occurence because she is said to be really shy and hard to handle. Weirdos unite!

Making Bhindi Masala, a vegan okra curry. Spicy and intense - delicious! Oh, and sushi rolls filled with avocado, veggies and fancy tofu/tempeh. Now I have a whole container waiting for me in the fridge.

Practising yoga for 20min on a gloomy Monday morning. Lighting a candle, drinking a cup of Ayurvedic Kapha tea with honey and lemon.

Tom, who inspired me to learn more about Ayurveda. And to rewatch The Darjeeling Limited because let's face it - Wes Anderson really knows how to make one of the poorest countries in the world look gorgeous.

We become what we think about. It's impossible to be successful without having a destination.

Quotations from Siri Hustvedt's The Blazing World: 1 / 2

"Smelling you almost makes me cum."

Running around with a fake septum piercing. I kinda like the look. I'm actually considering getting a real one but so far I'm fine with the clip-ons. The good thing is that you can't see the ring's ends anyway in that kind of piercing.

Spending time with the old friends. The best ones. The ones you don't have to speak to and it's still not uncomfortable. The ones you can be super weird around and they embrace it. The ones you can tell your strangest ideas and stories.

There is a new Turkish supermarket right around the corner! Fresh cilantro whenever I want! YES!!!

Heavy snowfall. It does look kinda pretty, I admit.

Many questions, not enough answers at the ESO Supernova exhibition/planetarium. / Making another cat friend over breakfast. / Seeing my foxy ginger lady Anika again after such a long time! / Orange marzipan lebkuchen and roasted coconut almonds (they taste like Raffaello). / Finding the perfect earrings and a beautiful head band at EDITED - The Label. / Performing Fairytale of New York live on stage with Manu. Being able to curse at somebody through song is perfect, I had a lot of fun. Also, he promised me his art teacher sweater as a Christmas present.

A knitting project with rainbow wool.

Making a clay sculpture for my mum. Taking it out of the oven at 80 degrees, wrapped in a dish towel like a baby.

The honey marzipan nougat bar from dm bio.

Meeting Manu at his office. Receiving the most awesome paint palette sweater as a Christmas present! And he let me spend a full hour in virtual reality! He has such an amazing programme which lets you draw in 3D and float around in space (with VR goggles). I'm absolutely fascinated and intrigued. Gotta visit him more often.

Meeting Tobi, Maike, Lena and Christian at Märchenbasar. Being drunk after some Feuerzangenbowle with rum (Pfeffi in Manu's case) and white mulled wine. Taking the long way home.

Buying Paulaner Spezi for my class. Supermarket trips with the kids before 8am. Schrottwichteln. Watching random goat videos and intros to children's series.

Having a drink at Goldene Bar in Haus der Kunst. Such a gorgeous place. I'm trying to get into a workshop on the museum's architecture at the end of January.

Making random people want to kiss me. Having no desire whatsoever to actually kiss them.

The Harry Potter round (on special request) at the pub quiz.

Reading Stephen Hawking's short answers to some of the big questions. I have to admit, I know nothing about physics or cosmology and at times his explanations were super hard to understand (fine, I probably didn't understand most of it) but I love creating a need to use my brain in uncommon ways.

Vivid dreams. About  dangerous skyscrapers (just different floors stacked loosely on top of each other), a kidnapping in a futuristic car by very glamorous gangsters, lesbians on a scooter trying to save me, travelling through Asia and the US with Sash, a sinking ship (but all the passengers swam back to the surface after a short period of unconsciousness), ATMs, fancy drinks, meeting strangers with beautiful eyelashes at a restaurant.

Discovering the Trouvelot astronomical drawings (1882) on the darkest day of the year, winter solstice. Watching the night fade away ever so slowly in the morning from the kitchen window, squeezing fresh oranges to make juice for breakfast. Bright orange and midnight blue is a great colour combination.

ASMRctica.

An article about a dear friend of mine appeared in Süddeutsche Zeitung! So happy for him.

Spending time with very old friends right before Christmas. Tobi, Sash, Michi, Yanic, Fischi and his wife... Playing MarioKart on SNES with Peter and taking weird selfies together. I had a very nice evening.

Managing to get a look at downtown Chicago during my layover. I uber-ed into the city centre (watching the skyscrapers getting larger and larger), walked around Millenium Park and along Lake Michigan. I spent quite a bit of time at Blick, an amazing art store, before I took the train back to the airport.

Arriving in Mexico in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve. Seeing the city sparkling from above. Watching a bunch of kids beating a pinata well after midnight. Arriving in a beautiful artist's apartment in Condesa.

The Anthropology Museum in CDMX made it on the list of my favourite museums ever. I could have spent days there. I kept sketching some of the funny masks and Maya figurines. There were plenty of creepy tombs and skeletons, depictions of weird Gods, handicrafts and woodcarvings. It was just so interesting, probably because I had never seen a lot of South American / Aztec culture before and I love learning and exploring new things.

Christmas day in CDMX: sunshine, tacky glitter decorations, pointy balloons and spiky pinatas. Dancing, ancient smoke rituals performed by a Mayan community.

Mexican street food, especially the vegetarian street food tour with David. Meeting the Blue Corn Lady (her quesadillas are with cactus and beans and they're incredibly delicious). Flatbread, corn, fruit with chili and lime. Pulque and Mezcal. Finding out that the green salsa is actually worse than the red one. Tacos, Enchiladas, Tamales. If you go to Mexico just for the food you'll still have plenty to explore.

That evening with the pink sunset. Walking through the old used book store in Roma. Reading an interesting take on Lars von Trier's Melancholia. Meeting the resident cat.

Lucha Libre! Watching the luchadores, especially the small people in the second round. Laughing about the Mexican boy next to me swearing at the top of his lungs. Getting a mask as a souvenir.

Climbing the sun and moon pyramid at Teotihuacán. Getting a sunburn. Enjoying the atmosphere. It's a very impressive site.

Diving in Cozumel with Brooke-Anne (a librarian from Las Vegas who was raised by Mormons), Cynthia from Quebec and Lucie from Toulouse. Entering some coral formations underwater. Eating cantaloupe melon and chocolate cookies after the dive. Spending the evening with another Canadian, Jussi from Finland and that other dude from Puerto Rico. And some Indio beers.

What I loved most about Tulum were the ruins (right next to a gorgeous beach) and the health food restaurants (La Hoja Verde and Co.Conamor).

And this year I don't really have a good New Year's Eve story because I fell asleep at quarter past eleven in a little village west of Tulum. All alone. Could be worse though, I had an amazing year.

[ciathyzareposts]

Consulting Detective Vol. II – Failure! Fiendish Forger Found a Friend to Flame the Folio

Written by Joe Pranevich

I failed at this case. If you follow our blog to read about masterful play and to see an expert gamer moving from clue to clue with purpose and conviction, you have come to the wrong place. As you will read, I tripped up a number of times for various reasons which ultimately led to having to request help. Our case also appears to have a few logic errors, making my slog all the more difficult. It is far from a grand slam, but I hope my experience makes interesting reading. The cases in this game has not quite been up to the level of its predecessor.

That said, I need to give credit where due and this episode has two of the most memorable scenes from the series so far, right up there with the scene in the first game where someone tried to bring a dead cat back to life. The acting and writing are frequently boring, but it’s a lot of fun when a scene goes in an unexpected direction. That does not make up for the other flaws, but I am delighted every time the game steps out of its comfort zone.

He issued the certificate before even looking at the paintings!

If you are coming late into our party, I will recap the main events: Sir Simpson Witcomb recently purchased for the National Gallery in London two recently-discovered paintings by “De Kuyper”, a Flemish artist who was a student of Reuben. There are only six (or eight) of these paintings known in the world. To celebrate, Witcomb painstakingly arranged for a showing of all of the De Kuyper paintings, gathering the other works from London, Paris, and Amsterdam for one amazing display. The night before the unveiling, the paintings were stolen. They were taken shortly after 11:00 PM by someone who did not enter through the main door and may have had a key.

In our explorations last time, I became convinced that Pierre Donet, a failed artist who became a world-famous De Kuyper expert, was a forger; he painted some or all of his “discoveries” and sold them for a profit. I am also watching Brady Norris, the curator of the museum. He had mysterious crates delivered the night of the theft and may have been in on the crime, but since he was also the guy that bought the paintings for Witcomb, I have no idea why. We also learned that there was a fancy party for the De Kuyper luminaries last night at Dame Agnus’s place, but I was unable to find her to interview her.

While composing the previous post, I solved that mystery: “Dame Agnus” was actually “Dame Agnus Smedley” and I can finally interview her to learn how her party went!

Party animal?

Holmes and Watson both interview Dame Agnus and we are rewarded with an extended information dump. She hosted a party to celebrate the imminent launch of the De Kuyper exhibition with Pierre Donet as the special guest. Other guests included Langdale Pike, Clifton Maddox, Lord Smedley, Sir Simpson, “Mr. Silante”, and Brady Norris. Of those, I recognize all of the names except “Silante”; Maddox was the guy that Watson asked about at the Hall of Records and I did not know why. This is our first official mention of him!

The timing of the party is important for two reasons: first, Agnus was informed of the thefts at around 11:00 PM. This is huge because the security guards told us that the paintings were stolen at 11:35. How could Agnus have been told about the thefts before they happened? Who told her? If we can track down who told her, we may track down the thief. We also get a number of alibis as all of the partygoers stayed until at least midnight except for two: Silante and Maddox both departed around 10:00 PM. They took a cab together from Central Carriage Stables so I may be able to learn where they went.

Finally, we get a small character moment: Norris was out of sorts all evening. Agnus believes that he was just intimidated by Donet, but there must be another reason. Maddox and Silante leaving early is my best lead from the interview. I’ll try to see where they went.

Customer confidentiality? What’s that?

I have a couple of strategies that I can use to track down the pair, but while Maddox is listed in the directory, Silante is not. I assume that he’s another visiting art collector, perhaps one of the owners of the other paintings and he may be in a hotel. Let’s check with the cab company instead! Fortunately, they don’t believe in data privacy and are happy to tell me that both men were taken to “Axel’s”. I do not know what that is and I am unable to find it in the directory. The cabbie also tells us that a third person was taken at midnight to the Claridge Hotel, but that was after the theft and likely a red herring. With no listing for Axel, I have no way to tell where they went next.

The dispatcher mentioned that Dame Agnus’s party took place at “47 Upper Gloucester Place”. Since I am bored and frustrated, I do some digging. That address exists today as the “Opulence Hotel” not far from Baker Street. It is a converted 19th century townhouse so likely the original location for Dame Agnus in the game, although whether the designers (of the computer or tabletop games) did that much research I have no idea. Online reviews suggest that the hotel has seen better days. If you want to experience a minor part of video game history, you can book a room on their website and throw your own party. Invite a few art critics!

  Ruffles have ridges?

With no way to follow them to Axel’s and no lead on Mr. Silante, I head to Maddox next. Unfortunately, he is not home. Instead, Watson interviews an unidentified woman. Is she his landlady? His wife? We have no idea! She is angry that the “loafer” is in trouble again and admits that she hasn’t seen him in the last day or so. Where could he have gone?

This leaves me at an impasse. I have no more leads so I run down my list of people and places that were named in the case. I learn that Matthew Cole, the guy that rented the warehouse where the boxes were shipped from, was a petty crook. I learn nothing from the Claridge Hotel, but at least that confirms that the midnight cab trip was a red herring. While flipping through the directory, I realize that I got a critical name wrong: Mr. Silante is actually “Angelo Hypsilanti”. How could I have missed the “H” sound? This realization is fantastic, but when I visit him I only learn that he partied with friends all night and disturbed the neighbors. His alibi is confirmed so where should I look next?

I always wear a corsage to the office. 

I take a break and come back with a new strategy: I will check on all of the other paintings! I first try Cox and Company, where Lord Smedley stashed his painting after the thefts. This is more difficult than it should have been because the business is filed under “B” for bank, but I work it out. I talk to a bank executive. Although he doesn’t check on the painting for me, he offers me confidential bank records. Holmes asks about four people in specific:

Lord Witcomb is one of the wealthiest men in England. The executive says that his ethics are above reproach.

Lord Smedley is similarly wealthy, but the executive pointedly says nothing about his ethics. 

Sir Herbert Kaufmann will be discussed in a moment.

Brady Norris is not wealthy and only recently opened an account at the bank. He deposited £50,000 on July 1. 

I know three out of the four names, but I have no idea who Kaufmann is. He isn’t in the directory, either. We learn that he was a wealthy man with a great future– knighted at 28!– until he lost everything on a bad investment in Bolivia. He’s not in the directory so tracking him down may be impossible. Who paid Norris on July 1? That was the date of the auction… did he launder some of the money?

Seriously, what is up with the corsages?

My next stop is to check on the Louvre paintings stashed at the French Embassy. Once again, I don’t get to check on them as planned, but there is an unexpected benefit: the diplomat that we speak to is an art expert! He tells Holmes that he was looking forward to the exhibit because he believes the two new paintings are forgeries. He cites the mysterious way they were acquired and ended up at auction, plus the short-notice on the bidding. He thinks that they were stolen because, “With no paintings, there is no proof.” Could someone have stolen the paintings precisely because they were forgeries? Why not steal the real ones instead? The mind boggles. These paintings were always going to be exhibited publicly, so why steal them right before the show?

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” I feel like I am losing this case…

One thread that I had not considered was tracking the paintings back to their source. If the auction was so unusual, maybe the auction house can shed light on the case. I head there and Holmes and Watson speaks to Mr. Armitage directly. He gives us the story:

In early June, Armitage was visited by Hiram Davenport, a London solicitor. Davenport informed him that an anonymous client had two De Kuyper paintings to bring to auction. After viewing the Certificate of Authenticity signed by Donet, he agreed to the auction but the solicitor had a very specific set of instructions that he had to follow. The auction had to be on July 1, but it could not be announced until June 23. That would allow only a week from announcement to gavel. He also insisted that the paintings could only be sold as a pair, even though that would lower the total proceeds. Armitage tells us that none of the usual high-bidders attended the auction, but they still went for more than he expected thanks to vigorous bidding by Bradley Norris, Herbert Kaufmann, and Dame Agnus.

Wow! That is a lot to unpack. We already know that Donet signed the certificate before seeing the paintings. This is also the first real mention of Kaufmann since Holmes asked about him at the bank. But if Kaufmann was broke, why was he bidding on the painting at all? The “no announcement until June 23” rule may be another error in the case. There is an ad for the auction in the Times on June 7 so either Armitage screwed up or the documentation did. This is an important point because an earlier announcement would have made the auction less suspicious. One final strange thing is that Witcomb told us that he was surprised by how low the paintings went for at auction, while Armitage is shocked by how high they sold for thanks to the non-competitive auction. That is a curious difference of opinion.

He could really use a corsage.

Let’s trace the paintings back further by talking to Davenport directly. He agrees to a quick interview where we learn that he was just the middleman. He was contracted to do the work by a different lawyer from Brussels, Mr. Noir. More importantly, he tells us that Noir was employed by… (drumroll please)… Pierre Donet! This shows that Donet was using two sets of middle-men to place his forgeries on the market, but doesn’t explain why there were so many complicated auction rules. Mr. Noir was also the lawyer that witnessed the certification of the painting so this is a nice little conspiracy.

Even with this information, the judge refuses to talk to us. I know that Donet forged the paintings, but I suppose that I do not know why they were stolen or who they were stolen by. With nothing better to do, I’m just going to talk to all of Holmes’s “regular” informants and see if any of them have critical clues.

Lestrade tells us that the Yard believes the theft to be an inside job because the thief had a key. I agree with that, but I am still convinced they got in by hiding in the crate that Brady Norris sent.

Sir Jasper Meek, the coroner, tells us about Matthew Cole. He’s the guy that rented the warehouse except he also died in a fire last night! How did I miss that? I search the Times and find an article about him that I did not connect with this case, revealing that he was staying at the Dover Rooms Hotel. Meek tells us that he died before the fire was set because of a lack of smoke in his lungs.

I am uncertain how Cole connects since, as far as I know, he was the guy that rented the warehouse before Brady Norris? Or did I misunderstand that clue?

H. R. Murray: Good at chemistry, bad at names. 

With that new nugget of information, I head to the Dover Rooms to investigate the fire. We learn that Cole only lived there for two months and mostly kept to himself. He was unemployed and spent his days at the Red Bull Inn, London’s favorite pub for scheming and villainy. Some scraps of canvas were recovered from the fire and sent to H.R. Murray’s criminology lab so we talk to him next. This doesn’t bode well for the recovery of the missing paintings…

After so many bland videos, talking to Murray is one of the funniest scenes of the case. The actor that (over-)plays him is clearly having a good time. I had not noticed before, but he always gets Holmes’s and Watson’s names wrong. “Witson” is not at all thrilled about this, but we learn that Cole had a key in his pocket and that the burned canvas was from an oil painting. This was sent to the chemistry department at London University (and Murray’s brother, Mortimer) for further analysis. Mortimer is an expert on the chemical composition of paint pigments and may have more to say. I also confirm that this running gag has been present since the first case of the first game. I never noticed!

Let’s put this together: Cole must have been smuggled in using the crate, he then used the key to steal the paintings and climb out the window. But why was he killed? And who killed him? Someone didn’t just want to steal the paintings, they wanted them destroyed. But murder seems over the top…

This is a fun scene!

We arrive at Murray’s classroom in London University to an argument already in progress. Murray is arguing with a Frenchman, Mr. Bouclair, who announces that he is one of the foremost experts on De Kuyper. Bouclair claims that the canvas fragments recovered in the fire are De Kuyper, but Murray insists that it cannot possibly be: it contains traces of Prussian Blue paint, a pigment that did not exist in De Kuyper’s time. Watson fails to get in any words edgewise and eventually just leaves. The whole presentation is very well done and a nice respite from the usual grind of interviews. If more of the game had events this interesting, I would be sure to give it a higher score! Bouclair’s accent is a bit much, but that is my only complaint.

This confirms our suspicion that these most recent two paintings are forgeries, plus adds to the pile of evidence that the rest are as well. Ironically, only by destroying one of the priceless paintings is this crime exposed. Irony! That doesn’t explain why they were stolen or why Cole was murdered so let’s invest some more time investigating him next.

You wanna go where everybody knows your name… 

Matthew Cole had no regular employment and spent his free time at the Red Bull Inn. The barkeep knows him quite well and tells us about a recent drinking session that he had with a heavy-set man who walked with a limp and used a cane with a duck-shaped handle. And if you think that is a surprising amount of detail, you would be right! The barkeep completely puts a lampshade on this style of investigation and congratulates himself for his detailed memory. I check back through my screenshots for someone that fits that description, but I do not find anyone. Who is our mysterious man with the duck cane?

Porky Shinwell also frequents the Red Bull Inn and I remain confused about whether or not he is also supposed to be a barkeep there. He only adds that a “Greek bloke” (likely Hypsilanti) is upset about missing an auction and will do anything for a picture that he wants. He had been working with Clifton Maddox to get it, but I’m sure that this is a red herring as both of them had an alibi for the night of the theft.

Another corsage! Was there a sale on them the day this was filmed?

My leads have all dried up again, so let’s just hit the remaining “regulars” and see what we learn:

Henry Ellis, a foreign news editor, is convinced that there is something fishy about the auction because of the short notice. He says that many art collectors in Europe were unable to attend. We knew all that already. He theorizes that they wanted to exclude certain people from bidding.

Quintin Hogg, the local news reporter, tells us that there was no forced entry at the museum. He says that if we can figure out how the thief got in, the rest of the case should be easy. He’s wrong.

The only other benefit to this mess is that I happen to notice an entry in the directory for “Haxell’s Restaurant”. I had been looking for “Axel’s”, so once again I am burned by mishearing a name. That doesn’t help anyway as they just confirm that Maxwell and Hypsolanti didn’t leave until 2:00 AM.

What next? I play through the case again looking for any clues that I missed plus searching for the guy with the duck-shaped cane. In the process, I follow a couple of new leads to learn that the art was insured for £100,000 each and that a shipment of Nubian art was delivered to Well’s Warehouse for Brady Norris. Norris, for what it is worth, is the gentleman with the cane, but while that confirms that he and Matthew Cole had met prior to the theft, it doesn’t advance the case one whit since I cannot go to the judge yet. Help me!

Corsage on lapel / Who can we thank for this treat? / Costume designer. 

After what felt like hours spinning my wheels, I gave up and asked for a hint in the comments of my previous post. I would have done a full “Request for Assistance”, but given that I am running behind already, this seemed the better approach. Ilmari was kind enough to offer some hints. I was close!

I missed one critical detail: “Herbert Kaufmann” was actually “Herbert Cofman”. Cofman was the other mystery bidder who attended the auction on July 1, the one that lost his fortune to a bad investment. We visit his home to discover that he’s not that poor since he can still afford a butler, but he’s not home right now. We’re told that he might be at either the Carlton Restaurant or Brill’s Baths. We go to the Carlton and find Cofman drinking alone at a table. He admits that he was hired as a proxy bidder for someone else, but he refuses to tell Holmes who he was working for. Holmes asks if he knows Brady Norris and Cofman admits that they were school friends. He also tells us that Brady’s dream is to run his own gallery and that he’s not satisfied being just a curator since everything he does has to be authorized by someone else.

That is apparently the motive because suddenly I can proceed to judgement:

Question #1 – Who stole the paintings from the gallery?

I select Matthew Cole and am correct. He snuck in using the crate, was able to sneak around the interior using the key that he was carrying when he was killed, and then escaped through a window with his prize.

Question #2 – Who put Matthew Cole up to the deed?

I select Brady Norris and am correct again! I still don’t quite understand why except it has something to do with his desire to run his own museum? Or something? I’m still not really clear on why Norris both arranged to buy the paintings and arranged to have them destroyed.

F. Because none of them included corsages. 

Question #3 – Why were the paintings stolen?

I have no idea! I had to answer this question several times to get it right. Sherlock Holmes may not work with trial and error, but I certainly do. We have evidence that supports A since Hypsilanti was said to be willing to do “anything” to get his hands on the paintings, and E because we know they were insured for significantly more than their purchase prices. (The museum stands to get 75,000 pounds in insurance money now that they have been destroyed.) Neither of those are the correct answer. The Nubian art that Norris had shipped to the warehouse implies C, but that’s not right either.

It takes me four tries to discover that Norris was afraid they’d be discovered as forgeries.

That thumping sound you hear is my hitting my head against my desk. When was that even hinted at? Who would that have mattered? They were all forgeries! When did Norris discover that they were? Was he afraid that he had been scammed and wanted to destroy the evidence so he’d not be blamed for it? But would he stoop to murder to hid the fact that he was scammed? That all seems a bit much. Let’s keep going.

Question #4 – Who killed Matthew Cole?

I answer Brady Norris and am correct. This was Norris trying to hide the evidence of his misdeeds, though murder and arson seem a bit extreme. Even the judge seems shocked that he moved so quickly from theft to murder, but that is the correct answer.

He needed money to buy corsages?

Question #5 – What was Donet’s involvement in the case?

This one is easy: B. He forged all of the paintings. Of course A, D, and E are also true but only a part of his master plan.

Question #6 – What role did Cofman play in the case?

This one is also easy: his job was to drive up the bidding at the auction to make it look legitimate. I didn’t manage to snag a screenshot of the question so you’ll just have to believe me because I’m not not going to restore and do the judging again…

It doesn’t matter because we win!

Sorry that you chose a manipulative thief as your head curator!

With the case concluded, we are treated to an epilogue scene where Holmes explains the case to Sir Simpson Witcomb. Let’s see how we did:

Holmes starts by revealing that there are no De Kuyper paintings, they are all forgeries made by Donet. He says that the Prussian Blue paint used in the final two were the giveaway. Witcomb doubts that the forger would make such a simple mistake, but Holmes retorts that he was an artist, not a chemist. 

Holmes adds that Bouclair’s testimony proves that not only were the first two forgeries, but the rest were as well. Donet was pulling the strings behind each of the sales all the way to the beginning. 

Then it gets weird: Brady Norris, not knowing that all of the paintings were forgeries, contacts Donet and asks him to forge two new paintings. It makes no sense that he would contact Donet for this, especially since if he were a legitimate foremost authority on De Kuyper he would be against forgeries entering the market! It was a boneheaded move to ask Donet, even if Holmes loves the irony of asking a forger to forge another painting. 

Holmes explains that Norris wanted to be director of the National Gallery when Witcomb retired. He figured that landing two De Kuyper paintings would guarantee him the job.

The mysterious bank deposit was because he split the auction proceeds with Donet. This doesn’t add up because the paintings were sold for 125K while he deposited 50K. Maybe 25K was the auction house commission?

Norris feared that the De Kuyper show should reveal that his paintings were fake, ruining his reputation and his chance at the directorship. He arranged to have the paintings stolen and destroyed to hide the evidence of his crime. The irony is that these two would have passed inspection with flying colors! 

Cole did the theft with the big crate just as we thought, with the detail that Norris slipped him the key after he was in the museum and not prior. Norris then murdered Cole and burned the evidence. 

This is an incredibly bad score.

The case is over and I do not feel very good about it. This one had a number of little problems, but the fact that I was blocked for hours because I didn’t know how to spell “Cofman” is ridiculous. All he provided was the note that Norris had his eye on the directorship, but surely we could have gotten that much some other way. There is no explanation for how Dame Agnus was told about the thefts before they happened, nor did we ever find out the correct number of paintings. The date of the case is also inconsistent in the videos vs the manual and somehow we are to expect that Holmes is running around on New Years Day with no mention of the holiday by anyone. We also saw that Armitage advertised in the paper prior to the 23rd, even though the dialog quite explicitly says that he did not. Lots of little problems, but the biggest one is just that I am having difficulty buying the core coincidence: there is no reason for Norris to have gone to Donet for the forgeries, especially as he seemed especially unlikely (had he have been the legitimate discoverer) to help in such a scheme. That’s one coincidence too many, but at least we can put the case to bed.

Let’s see if the final case in this set is any better. It’s time to start “The Murdered Munitions Magnate!”

Time Played: 3 hr 30 min Total Time: 8 hr 55 min

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/consulting-detective-vol-ii-failure-fiendish-forger-found-a-friend-to-flame-the-folio/

[jamiekturner]

Absolut Vodka Ads to Check Out

From all fabulous Absolut Vodka ads, designers often take us back to TBWA’s 1980 masterpiece, a vodka bottle image with a small halo on top, and the impactful message ‘ABSOLUT PERFECTION’ underneath.

The ad didn’t take long to become a hit, and to initiate a huge 80s/90s Absolut vodka adverts campaign that promoted the drink in a variety of creative ways.

With more than 1,500 cool Absolute Vodka advertisements launched by the beginning of the new millennium, the company obtained a dramatic increase in US sales, from only 10,000 cases by the end of 1980 to incredible 4.5 million recorded in 2000. Young adults were simply fascinated by the ads, and cut those out to make all sorts of beautiful decorations.

But the story doesn’t end there: Absolut Vodka’s designers worked tirelessly to impress audiences worldwide, and 30 years later, their work still represents a role model for on pint advertising. This perfect marketing reputation doesn’t come as a surprise, having in mind that one can rarely find ads that genuinely focus on visual appeal.

Absolut Vodka ads always contain the artful, charming, and chameleon-like traditional Swedish bottle, and convey the same message regardless of how the bottle is presented. Therefore, the ads are ingenuous and timeless, full of artistry and creativity, easy to understand, and focus on the brand’s value.

Viewers don’t find it challenging at all to interpret the message, which is why Absolut vodka advertisements won so many awards, among which being listed on America’s Marketing Association Hall of Fame. The company made it there in early 1992, in line with brands such as Nike and Coca Cola. The creator of the Absolut magic was and still is the TBWA Advertising agency.

How did the Absolut vodka advertisement story begin?

In order to attach a meaning to all communication messages conveyed by the popular brand, we need to delve into the history of this product, way before it got promoted worldwide. We will be doing this mostly to understand why and how certain layers got added to the product’s imagery.

Absolut is a Swedish vodka brand manufactured in Ahus (the southern area of Scania). In the early days of its development, the product was still unrefined, and it took a while for other countries and regions to appreciate the raw, yet very fine ingredients it contained: rich Swedish wheat, and pure, unprocessed water.

At the time, developer Lars Olsson Smith gave the product a Swedish name (Absolut rent bravin), which translated to English means ‘Pure Vodka’. During the 1970s, production and distribution of alcohol beverages in Sweden was highly controlled by the government, which acknowledged Absolute’s distillery quality soon enough to start exporting it to other countries.

The ownership company Vin & Spirit focused efforts on the American market, which even at that time covered more than 60% of the free world’s vodka consumption. Nevertheless, 99% Americans at the time consumed exclusively homemade products as a more inexpensive option, considerably convinced that there is little difference from one product to the other.

According to them, the limited number of ingredients and easy manner of production made vodka pretty similar around the world, something they also agreed on for whiskey brands and Scotch. The trend at the time was also to consume vodka in combination with fruit juices and mixers, and its quality didn’t really matter – the cheaper it was, the better.

The sole 1% of imported vodka in the States was still coming from Russia (Stolichnaya), a brand they started importing since 1968 as compensation for exporting Pepsi products across the Soviet Union. Due the fact that a portion was developed exclusively for the American market, Russia exported the finest of their Vodka to America, making Stoli the sole and authentic representative of consumers’ picture of Russian symbolism – vodka and celebrated czars and revolutions.

Even the vodka that was produced in America often had Russian-inspired names (Smirnoff, Georgi, Romanoff, and so on). This is why it took more than two decades for Vin & Sprit to place their products on the American marketing, sending a delegation only in 1978, still unsure whether they can find a local distributor.

The reception was not exactly the friendliest one – in the States, people had hardly any interest to try Swedish vodka, especially one that doesn’t have a label to promote it. As simple as that, Vin & Sprit representatives were told that their product wasn’t going to sell.

It is hard to blame American consumers for that situation, given that Absolut was not taken seriously even by its producers. Photographers had no idea how to shoot and promote a product with no history – to do so, they had to envision the ideal consumer of the beverage, who was, lamentably, a young college graduate still experiencing nightlife.

The company that accepted to launch the first Absolute campaign was TBWA, a marketing agency that was at the time involved in supporting LGBT communities, and came up with a simple ad of a bottle in front of a black background in order to promote it as a premium product.

In line with the agency’s priorities, Absolut embraced openly the gay community members’ as its desirable consumers in 1981, soon to launch ads across all gay media, and support a number of their events (including Tom of Finland Clothing’s fall line in early 2000).

Analysis of Absolut Vodka ads

The theme product adverts

Absolut’s product ads were called like this due to the fact that they showcased an actual Absolut Vodka bottle in the limelight of an otherwise pitch black setting. The most popular Absolut Product Ads are the 1960s’ piercing discourse signifiers – modern and symbolic pierced bottles released to support the gay & punk subculture.

The piercing was also used to convey a non-conforming fashion statement, and as a symbol of human bodies being carved to express non-compliance with codes of conduct and societal norms. Body experiments were made visual using these ads, especially thanks to background lights that help associate the bottle to the upright body posture and body language of a person looking to share his emotions with the world.

Basically, a single ad helped thousands of people share how they feel and voice their openness to the world, and to be absolutely comfortable with themselves and how they’re treating their body.

The black background emphasized in s dramatic manner how such experiments emerged, and what motivated these people to come out from the shadows that stopped them from being themselves, and to cease hiding. This depicts pretty much why people afraid to share their sexual preferences embraced these ads with so much enthusiasm.

Success is not complicated

Car companies have disrupted in many ways how a successful advertising campaign should look – each day, we see flashy and luxurious commercials that make us dream of owning an expensive vehicle, but the truth is that we forget what we saw after only a while.

What we need is an ad we can associate with, namely a simplified, every-day concept that has been effectively branded. Embracing a classic concept is a safe option for every modern marketer, as he is solving an actual problem by simply adjusting the font and the style of his image.

Even large and prominent companies are shifting towards the ‘less is more’ concept, doing something Absolut did 20 years ago. Everyone seems to remember the instant and iconic success of these ads in the early 80s, and want the same, effective synonyms for their brand.

Success connects cultures

Another feature that marked Absolut ad campaigns is the focus on building bridges between cultures, and creating something memorable. You can see as many as 1000 fancy and flashy commercials at a time, but with nothing there to relate to your culture and interest, you will hardly remember any of them.

Absolut invented a marketing device that is universal, and that applies perfectly to all settings, groups, and moods. This is why it is referred to as the role model of marketing efficiency that makes everyone have a piece of luxury, and feel understood and fabulous (without necessarily rolling in cash!).

Dedicated to a premium product that doesn’t break the bank, an Absolute ad tells everybody’s story at once, including even those who don’t like vodka.

Success materializes creativity

Artwork and icons were and still are the most popular advertising means. Some companies know well how they should use them (think of Coca Cola, or Pepsi, for instance), and have given the world Mean Joe Green Coke-like commercials to talk about for years. Ever heard of Mean Joe’s Coke? It is time to look it up – you will be amazed!

Younger generations, for instance, missed Joe completely, or have a blurred idea of what he meant while they were growing up. Even so, they’d enjoy watching Mean Joe now, and remind them of a number of similar commercials that utilized cool icons to sell a simple product. Well, that’s where Absolut specializes – taking the marketing concept to a whole new level!

Ever since its ad campaign was first launched, Absolut recruited the best artists, comedians, actors, and musicians to make its commercials hip and recognizable. A good example is the recruitment of Zach Galifianakis, and giving him the leading role in their commercial.

Step by step, Absolut advertising took over icon recruiting, and established a cult of collecting ads among young supporters. This may not sound as a huge achievement when selling a unique product, but what Absolut sold was only vodka. Yet, it didn’t stop it from imposing its marketing achievements on a whole generation of ad fanatics and web ad collectors.

Nowadays, you can even find whole fan websites and social groups for people collecting and reselling Absolute ads, and celebrating in such way the 20-years long and recognized branding campaign.

Another highlight in Absolut Vodka adverts’ history happened in 2012, when the company decided to collaborate with Swedish House Mafia, an electric dance music trio that promoted the beverage in a popular video, and got over 41 million views in YouTube.

As metrics indicate, the Greyhound marketing effect of Absolut ads worked perfectly, and provided vibrant, premium, exciting, cool, and fun content for wider audiences. As the company’s VP of Flobal Marketing Jonas Tåhlin once said, Absolute made a smash hit all across social media.

According to him, a commercial that doesn’t reveal much about the product or the brand won’t necessarily fail – instead, it will even cooler and attract more attention. Still, Absolut Vodka would probably never get where it is without being promoted in collaboration with popular artists.

For instance, it is believed that it was its appearance in New York’s Studio 54 that boosted its overall sales in the US. It was also in Studio 54 where an iconic bottle captured the attention of Andy Warhol, and inspired him to create one of the most popular artworks in 1986.

This is how the story via Absolut Book goes: One night over dinner, Andy Warhol and Michel Roux met for dinner, and Warhol shared how impressed he was about Absolut’s new bottle. Along, he mentioned also that he doesn’t drink alcohol at all, but would still like to interpret Absolut’s advertising story in his own painting, and Roux noticed even then what a great ad that was going to be.

For Absolut, this was the first time to cooperate with a popular artist, and it was then when they launched a large campaign of print ads that lasts even today. 25 years later, Absolut is conquering the interactive digital world, leaning on the legacy CopyRanter once called ‘the best campaign in the history of advertising’.

Conquering the digital world, as Tåhlin points out, was an idea inspired by Red Bull media. The enormous success of this company inspired many brands to start their own media studios, and make sure their ads are original and brought to perfection.

Greyhound is, in fact, Absolut’s original attempt to venture into the content marketing world, and yet stay true to the simplicity deeply embedded in its DNA. The music video, for instance, didn’t say enough about the product, but people still watched it knowing it was Absolut that stood behind it. Therefore, the video got immense popularity, and Absolut Greyhound did its job – there wasn’t a powerful brand message, at least no other than the one of people trying to enjoy themselves.

From then on, Absolut focused on its new, experiential strategy, namely creating an experience instead of static and dynamic commercials. For the purpose, it used its already established connection to clubs and nightlife events, and attempted to leave a memorable mark on customers while they’re actually consuming the product.

Clarity: The object in this commercial was a magnifying glass that emphasized the origin and native country of the product. In a way, the company made use of a tense period between the USA and the Soviet Union, and relied on the noticeable unpopularity of the Soviet Union due to the war in Afghanistan and the lining of the Korean jetliner.

Basically, they wanted to point out that Absolut is a Swedish and not a Russian product, and managed to boost consumption even among people who were not, at the time, thinking that there was a message to decode. The phenomenon was actually sub-conscious, and filled gaps in consumers’ minds without them even realising it.

It was a challenging experience for the company, as the connection between vodka and Russia was naturally established, and people wouldn’t really paying that much attention to where they drink was coming from. Advertisers had to work around consumer psychology and downplay Sweden’s connection to the brand, and eventually realized that the best way to do that is to highlight the origin as their primary message.

Absolut Theme objects: This is another popular category of Absolute ads where vodka bottles are made of materials different than glass. The shape and size of the object did nevertheless resemble an actual bottle, and conquered easily the attention of consumers who already had the image of an Absolut bottle established in their minds.

Absolut Tradition: In a line of memorable adverts, Absolut Vodka also made use of icons that symbolize Christmas, as for instance trees, hearths, gifts, and so on. Hearths, in particular, were often associated to warmth, safety, and family. English people use the Yule log for the purpose, and believe that it is good luck to sit on one before it was thrown to the fire.

If the fire went off immediately, it was considered bad luck. In many regions of England, people keep a piece of this log and rekindle it at their next Christmas celebration. Another way in which Absolut symbolizes Christmas is with it a bottle made of toy train, and reminding irresistibly of the epic Polar Express.

Silhouette Absolut bottles are strategically placed also on other Christmas items, resembling in such way the company’s diplomatic route to depicting in detail a real Christmas celebrations. Basically, if you see an Absolut symbol embedded on a Christmas product, it indicates by default that you should bring up a bottle of vodka as part of your Christmas celebration, or at least that’s how consumers perceive it.

A simple silhouette bottle tells an entire story and finds its place in both pastoral and urban settings, resembling how a true American home should look and feel on Christmas Eve.

Absolut City themes: Absolut also launched a series of city-specific adverts, such as the 2003 campaign devoted to Las Vegas. In this case, ads define and arrange cities in the shape of an original Absolut bottle, and showcase a connection between the beverage and the cities that may even change how people feel about that city (nothing in the Las Vegas commercial had something to do with casinos or the Sin City concept).

Instead, the commercials were artistic, executed with care and taste, and brought up a whole new image of the cities they exposed. The ads also established a visual and logical connection between drinking vodka and eating a meal, excluding in such way the image of vodka being the drink of alcoholics and amateurs. Of course, the connection between Absolut and Las Vegas is not an intuitive one, but you’d be able to guess right away had we told you there were shrimps, sauce and other exotic food.

Another interesting detail you can notice from Absolut commercials is the connection with spicy food. Developers tried to push in the idea of vodka being a companion for exotic and modern dishes, so that consumption was to spread on using vodka as a meal ingredient.

It was so successful, that in a popular Las Vegas restaurant run by Chef Alaya, there is a special Mandarin Soup prepared with vodka. This restaurant was originally frequented and acknowledged by a small, elite circuit of people, but has now become the favourite dining venue of most Las Vegas locals.

The marketer’s endeavour is more than obvious – to bring newness in the campaign and the city at a time, and to promote the beverage both as an appetizer that goes well with seafood, but goes even better inside it. Let’s not forget that vodka is not at all perceived as a dangerous drink, but subconsciously connected to water that is pure and harmless.

Absolute theme stories: The theme stories were first released in 2008, and are still the company’s main armoury for promoting a common product in an uncomon way. Th story deals with an ‘Absolut World’, where people are not only drinking vodka, but feeling confident about themselves, and happy with who they are. This is why on such commercials we can often see body parts, tattoos, specs, and urban settings exposed, as well as contemporaty decor and lots of modern symbols.

Let’s remind ourselves of a very popular example: Pushing in the idea of this being ‘our world’, where we can do or have anything we want, Absolute created a commercial with a woman receiving a package full of male body parts, and not being surprised by it.

What this should tell to women worldwide is that there is no such thing as a perfect man, and that they should look beyond it. Another thing that draws attention is that the body parts are mixed in terms of colour – there is a white face, white arms, and a peculiarly dark torso.

What a woman would expect from a perfect man is also to buy her roses, and be gentle to her despite of being strong and very professional. He should ideally have an inspiring hobby, such as playing the guitar, and a perfectly toned, young, and fit body with a six pack.

On top of that, the carton has a Mars Male on it to underline heterosexuality.  While the woman is unpacking the body parts, there is a dog observing her, and looking both scared and confused by seeing a human body in that form.

Ending thoughts

Absolut Vodka adverts set a precedent in the marketing industry, and the proof of that is them still bearing the crown of success after 20 years. These great ad ideas withstood the test of time, and despite of the changes they were submitted to over the years, managed to preserve the original semiotic of a person and the world he lives in.

From that point, Absolut vodka ads transited to campaigns that that represent all people in the world, and that’s exactly what makes them brilliant. For marketers today, Absolut is no longer branded for the American market – its reach is global, focused on a larger picture of how we all want to be, rather than embracing a particular identity.

The many-to-one phenomenon works with today’s homogeneity and vast diversity, tackling common fears such as deadly viruses and terrorism threats, and uses these unifying factors to connect individuals, communities, and whole countries.  to  still being popular even 20 years From a completely unfamiliar product, Absolut Vodka became Absolut Vodka ad campaign is undisputedly one of the big ideas in the ad industry. In short, these ads tell us how an Absolut World should look like.

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