#as do the lyrics have slight variations

[artful-peculiarities]

Exit Music (for a Film) by Radiohead is kinda lining up with Teddy and Colin’s narrative really well and I’m having thoughts. Gonna start with Teddy and then move to Colin and I’ll see where I go from there.

Tmagp Spoilers below fair warning

First off, the title itself. The first time we meet Teddy is when he’s leaving the OIAR to work elsewhere, seemingly very glad he’s moving on. From what I can tell with the limited time and I formation we have of him, he never really liked his work at the OIAR, and the place as a whole. So, the title of the song itself is symbolic of the end of an era for him. Or so we think.

This set of lyrics, the opening lines. So much is packed into this for me.

So. Something obviously had to drive Teddy over the edge to go to Lena and to tell her that he quits. We know that he had been working at the OIAR for quite a good few years prior to the canon timeline, of which is still very vague to the audience; so the first lyric applies to him in the sense that he finally broke from a cycle, he “woke up”, perhaps in more than one sense.

Not much to say on the second lyric except that perhaps that can reference to the catalyst for his self-termination from the OIAR? Something just a little too upsetting.

And the last two; I think these can speak for themselves. “Today, we escape,” -> him quitting initially, “We escape.” -> the going away party.

Has anyone ever thought about why specifically the very first recording we get is of the going away party? Yes, it’s what sets up the arrival of Sam, but it also sets up another thing. Teddy’s departure and his subsequent fall. I think it was saying “you can leave, but we know you’ll be back.”

Like a misplaced puzzle piece.

The last two lines of this one piques my interest.

In regards to Teddy, this feels almost omniscient, almost like an overlying feeling. Something feels vaguely wrong about leaving the OIAR, like he’s doing something he shouldn’t be. And you know what happens after he leaves? Hell, not only begins to break loose, but slowly unravels like a ball of twine. A butterfly effect variation of sorts.

Some people have brought this up before, but I needed to put it here as well; the possibility of sabotage in a career related sense for Teddy. He didn’t get the initial job he left the OIAR for because of “team cuts”, or something of the sort. That seems like the thing that would be told outright to any applying persons no? It was a sudden thing. While I’m not exactly sure of the timeline of this, I’ll make a best guess here; then, sometime after, Teddy gets a new job. For those who have listened to tmagp 29, I think we all know what happens. Ergo, butterfly effect. Somehow, Teddy has gotten pulled back into something strange, and needed someone to help him. Enter Alice. Then, exit Alice. Quite a lot can be taken from their brief conversation and I fear I don’t have quite the brainpower to pick it apart fully at this time.

This sequence is just. It’s something phenomenal to me in a way.

It’s all about trying to keep your balance. Imagine you’re on a tightrope in a circus performance. There are weights dragging your arms down, your feet are bleeding, and all you can think is “keep standing. Keep standing.” There is no net beneath you. There was once a net, but it was folded away because someone thought your act could use a little… something.

Keep a cool head. Keep standing. Stay balanced. Do not fall. Do not fall.

Alice was once the net, in a way. Then, she got pulled away by something, someone, bigger than them both.

“I can’t do this alone.” Do you guys realise what this means to me? Teddy needed to talk to Alice about something important, specifically about his job. The job we know nothing about. What happened. What the fuck happened. Teddy sounds so weary in that brief phone call. I also picked up on the slight sense of anxiety from him, but that could just be me. But he was definitely worried about something.

And then there’s Colin’s place in this set of lyrics. Just barely hours later, Alice gets yet another call from someone who is asking for help, someone who is her friend. That call is haunting me; everything about it feels really just. Raw to me. There’s so much desperation in his voice. He needs help. Such a big part about Colin’s character is that he never wants help, nor does he think he needs it. Then there’s this. Turn me around twice and push me into a grave already.

The first part of this one seems more metaphorical than anything to me.

The “chill” is the surmounting aura of wrongness that climbs higher with every episode leading up to the s1 finale. It’s the strange happenings that are being collected and filed by the OIAR, it’s FRE-d1 continually becoming less and less machine as more incidents are washed in and read by Chester, Norris, and Augustus.

The “song” is nothing more than blind hope. Blind, foolish hope.

The second part to this one, however, is something that makes my head wrap into itself with interpretation. It’s another omniscient-adjacent feeling, addressing to “it” as “you”. It’s all very Colin to me. The “it” is FRE-d1. It’s the one thing that makes Colin completely snap. It’s laughing at him, taunting Colin with its ancient, unworkable hardwiring. It’s been slowly pushing Colin to and over the edge for the entire season, and it all climaxes to that one phone call.

That one, desperate phone call.

This is mainly about that first line.

We don’t know what happened to Colin, what really happened, after he hung up. I need to know desperately. But I’m going to take this in the sense that Colin’s violent obsession with figuring out FRE-d1 finally consumed him, very likely in more than just the mental sense.

What I think is that Colin has been turned into an external. Just think about it. What I gather from what we know about externals is that the common ground for most of them is obsession to some level or another, and we know that Colin was deep in that trench.

I have a very vivid image in my head of Colin sitting in the computer room of the office with the technology slowly growing over him, almost like lichen or moss. It melds with his skin, seeping into his flesh. It’s grotesque and looks like something agonizing, but Colin’s face is just. Tired. Exhausted. He gave his final hurrah. His phone sits fallen next to his limp hand, still opened to Alice’s contact page, his head leaned back against the wall. Hooded eyes, deep circles beneath them.

Both he and Teddy were destined to fulfill something greater from the beginning, and their tragedy lies in the way they both reached out for a hand, and was never given one to grasp onto.

[nordicbananas]

YES POP OFF IN THOSE TAGS YOU GET IT I ABUSE ANAPHORA WITH ALLITERATION LIKE A MADMAN OKAY ME AND LITERARY DEVICES WE'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER ACTUALLY UGH AND LINE BREAKS WILL NEVER. NOT. EAT. EVER. anyways thank you for basically yapping for me in the tags cuz I was gonna do it myself but I thought it'd be weird so I didn't also I think my love for slight variations on wording in what would otherwise be identical sentences is because I'm more of a lyricist than an author and one of the ways I find effective when telling stories through lyrics is by having the words in one section (usually the chorus) be repeated in the next section (chorus or bridge) but with slightly different wording so that the idea is the same but the implication changes and that really helps to show the narrator's shift in mindset throughout the song and get the story going so that by the time you get to the end of the song you find yourself with a different narrator than the one you started out with and hey do you know who taught me that lyric technique? YOASOBI--

using your words, "I love run on sentences"

[plantsarepeopletoo]

Only Friends Music Ep3 (2/2)

Part one covers the first half of Ep3, or you can find other episodes on my pinned comment.

This is a series of posts taking a closer look at the music of Only Friends. Reminder, Playing with the music is like body language, it moves with the conversation. Verbal says something either through lyrics or something like a song title.

[3/4]

Song: Many Lies Scene: Boston and Nick in Boston’s car Type: Vocal

Some Lyrics:

It's too many lies, too many lies It's too many lies, too many lies It's too many, It's too many, It's too many, Ask 'em a real question, yeah, I bet it's all lies, They won't cross that line for a fact, that's offsides,

Song starts when Boston says “Do you like Top too?” cementing Nick’s suspicions of Boston and Top. He sits quietly, listening to Boston talk about how great Top is, then asks if Boston likes Top and the bassline starts.

Boston stops, says No, he doesn’t like hotness. He likes cuteness like Nick.

Music changes after Nick says “I know” in response. Nick stops Boston from leaving, “what if people ask what we are to each other, what should I say?” “What else can you say? Friend, of course” The snare and hi hat start.

Boston caves, becoming soft to appease Nick. Telling him “You can call our relationship whatever you like” Here Nick seems to look right at the camera for a moment. Nick places the bug while Boston is looking right at him, but not seeing him.

Nick can even be seen subtly rolling  his eyes as he gets out of the car. This is when I knew Nick's sulking was on purpose, he was able to plant the wiretap and get Boston to relent. All the while Boston has no clue.

Song: Good Look by Lasse Lyx Scene: Ray comes to talk to Sand as he’s setting up Type: Vocal

Full Lyrics:

Caroline Don't cry baby it's no concern Oh, touch and go Is what I know but I can learn I don't wanna cause trouble I got a real nice attitude I won't fuss I won't struggle It's all very well now, it's all very good It's fun to pretend and we probably should But when I get up the lights come on So take a good look, 'cause soon I'll be gone Yeah, take a picture baby if you wanna last long All time, good high, don't ask me why 'Cause when I get up, the lights come on So take a good look, 'cause soon I'll be gone Yeah take a picture baby if you wanna last long All time, good high, feels good, my mind It's all very well now, it's all very good It's fun to pretend and we probably should 'Cause when I get up the lights come on So take a good look, 'cause soon I'll be gone Yeah, take a picture baby if you wanna last long All time, good high, don't ask me why

Song plays while Ray walks up to talk to Sand as he’s setting up, and continues until Ray walks away, with the lyrics “All time, good high, don’t ask me why”. 

Ray is there to feel good for now, and Sand is being swept up with him, even as Sand tries to slow everything down. They’re stuck in their cycle, circling each other, not acknowledging their feelings for each other or to themselves. 

Their relationship feel like a play, with a script that might have slight variations, but still is basically the same. Once they stop playing their part, however, the theater lights come on and suddenly they need to face reality. 

But right now, It feels good.

The song continues to play through Ray and Mew’s conversation too, with Ray and Mew’s conversation centered on Sand and how Mew can see the feelings Ray has yet to acknowledge. Mew and Ray have also been playing their parts as friends for the past few years. The song abruptly stops when Top walks up.

Song Caught you at the perfect time Scene: Top joins Mew and Ray and asks who hired the band. Type: Verbal

Lyrics in the show:

Damn feeling lucky about my own streets Us two in these sheets Diamonds at my feet Caught up in these talks  Circling my head top Should have been more cautious 

Lyrics continue:

Now I got what I wanted Many have been here before Made it out of love and more Like when I found a kodak store I can't stop I want it all Listen up I'm caught in you I need you to tell the truth Remember why you wanted to Remember that I said it was you Caught you at the perfect time  I was watching it and then? You know what you gonna do But I can never be your friend Got me waiting clear of lies Girl you got me so upended You know what you wanna do So I can never be your friend I’m a man and a man don’t weep Gonna term that eat your greens  When you thought you fucked but you do be clean Then you come to the bed and you love real dirty [unknown], you’re real keen Bring it, let me get your juiciest piece can’t remember when I had to say please The sharks at the club never had no boundaries How’s it gonna be, want to eat these [unknown] Where we gonna, you gonna need these calories Giving me a treat, To refill these batteries Then you’re on my bed, on your knees, there’s no other dream Oooh It ‘s sneaking up on yoooou There’s nothing you can dooo Cause things about to boom 

This song is interesting because it plays across interactions with a wider range of characters. The opening notes of the song are played over Ray’s disgruntled face at Top’s arrival, and the lyrics come in over Top’s haughty smile “Damn feeling lucky” only a few moments later as he stares at Ray’s disgruntled sigh. The song continues to play as Top glances sideways, see’s Sand, and his expression abruptly changes, the first verse plays over Sand giving Top the middle finger and the line “should have been more cautious” plays quietly as we switch back to Top and the lyrics fade out while the song continues to play behind Tops complaints about the band and Ray’s clear annoyance. The timing of the song continues to feel very intentional as the chorus music comes in as Ray defends his choice of band (“Caught you at the perfect time…But I can never be your friend”)

Given the parallels the show continues to draw about Ray and Top’s rich boy backgrounds (and EP4 Spoilers: drug & alcohol addictions) a song about feeling top of the world while spiraling out of control feels rather fitting. Though parts of the lyrics also feel like they could be hinting at Ray&Sand, Top&Mew and Top&Sand dynamics as well.

@rocketturtle4 Thank you for this section, and the help with the lyrics.

Song: Love by Paradox Scene: Pool Party Type: Vocal

Lyrics as translated by the subtitles in the show:

Oh dear love, please look my way Sometimes we meet on a painful day You stepped in and hugged me gently Oh dear love, my sweet pie You’re beautiful, my heart is lifted up high Sweetheart, where you at, oh dear love, I want to see you so bad

When Sand sings “You stepped in and hugged me gently,” We see Ray and Sand looking at each other. But the camera changes focus to Boston over Ray’s shoulder during the “Oh dear love, my sweet pie” Boston sees Sand singing to Ray, and knows that Ray might be finally getting over Mew. He realizes he needs to get into Ray’s head fast.

Song: Bake That Pie Scene: Boston comes to talk to Ray about Mew Type: Vocal

Boston decides it’s time to push Ray to act and when he leaves Nick to join Ray, Bake that Pie starts. He hits Ray where it hurts, pretending to be sympathetic about Ray’s crush on Mew. He tries to convince Ray to act fast, telling him if he waits Ray will “be just a side character who comes in and comforts him.” Boston the chaos fairy is sowing little toxic Kiss People In Their Sleep seeds.

Want to add, this whole party, Nick is holding on to the bag with his headphones in it, and adjusts it when he notices Boston looking at Ray. Nick doesn’t react much when Boston leaves him, he just watches, probably listening if he can. He's educating himself on how Boston moves with his "friends"

Song: First to fall Toby Tranter Scene: Boston shows Top the picture of Mew and Ray Type: Vocal

Song name suggests that Top is the first to fall to Boston’s manipulation. 

Who’s next? 

Song: We Will Never Die by Par Hagstrom Scene: Friends closing up the party, Type: Vocal

Lyrics in the show:

I remember when we said everything would happen And we knew we'd never fail, we would never die Wanna forget myself again so that can everything can happen Will you please call me by my name and tell me little lies? We will never die (x4) On an island in thе shade, the city is on fire Kissing water from your face, the sky is in your eyes Don't wanna forget a single day, couldn't really happen Will you please tuck me into this straight and say that we won't die We will never die We will never die Ooh, ooh, it's cold around Ooh, ooh, we're losing ground, yeah Ooh, ooh, they will forget about us Ooh, ooh, as if nothing ever was

While Boston and Nick talk about Nick going home, “Will you please call me by my name and tell me little lies? We will never die” are some of the lyrics that play. 

“On an island in the shade, the city is on fire.” Plays when Mew comes to put his arm around Ray. Mew is in the shade while Ray is on "fire". It’s easy for Mew to tell Ray to go after Sand, it’s easy for Mew to say he wants Ray to be happy. For Ray, this is probably pure pain. He isn’t ready for any of Mew’s advice. “Will You please call me by my name and tell me little lies?” Plays when Mew says “I want you to be happy”

So we’ve got parallels between Nick wanting Boston and Ray and Mew, they don’t want their relationship to die (even though it never really started.)

The song abruptly ends When Top says “I’m just taking my boyfriend home”

[4/4]

Song: (Stay) True by Lars Eriksson Scene: Ray and Sand make out in car Type: Vocal

Lyrics in the show:

No matter who or when or what will others say Just find your way And try to stay True And that's not a place where you would like to go I've got cigarettes and brandy Which could come in handy If you just help me loosen up my hand grenade’s fuse Baby don't refuse My truth

Full Lyrics:

Low I'm feeling low Want you to know I ain't got much to show Livin' on slow Gon' creep into my snail shell Until the spring liberates me from my winter hell I've got camels and candy I can be your daddy If you only let me creep into your prison cell Hey baby, can you tell? I'm not a criminal Your choice is seminal I want you To stay true To what's right for you No matter who or when or what will others say Just find your way And try to stay True Let's speak alone Stand in your own Try not to show This life has shone Try not to glow Way down below, oh It's a lot of woe And that's not a place where you would like to go I've got cigarettes and brandy Which could come in handy If you just help me loosen up my hand grenade’s fuse Baby don't refuse My truth Is up to you now, to choose I want you To stay true What's right for you No matter who or when or what will others say Just find a way And try to stay True

Two things, we have the bribing to keep a person to stay, the pleading for them to choose to be with them.

The second thing is weaker, the line “To stay true to What’s right for you, just find a way to stay true”. This could be Ray and Sand being asked to actually do what’s right for them. To go below the surface and to look past the bribes and sex, to actually address their baggage. But since the “what’s right for you” isn’t in the show, this might be too much.

Either way, "you you just help me loosen up my hand grenade's fuse" is a hell of a way to describe having sex with someone you really shouldn't be with.

Song: Goodbye Virginia by Sture Zetterberg

Type: Vocal

Lyrics not in show (except for “Goodbye Virginia”)

Cigarettes on the table Dirty plates on the stove I don’t know if you know where to start But I know where you’d like to be I’m afraid that I’ve lost you ‘Cause you’re hiding from me Yeah, it shows that it’s cost you a lot To be like the rest of us To be like the rest of us I’ve been waiting so long for the storm to arrive I know that it’s in you I know that it’s in you Dancing away with the world in your eyes Oh goodbye Virginia Goodbye Virginia (Ooh) Got your feet on the table And you’re wigglin' your toes You got eyeballing down to an art And it’s working too well, indeed I need someone to talk to When you’re hiding from me Soldier on and just walk through the rain And be like the rest of us Yeah, be like the rest of us I’ve been waiting so long for the storm to arrive I know that it’s in you I know that it’s in you Dancing away with the world in your eyes Oh goodbye Virginia Goodbye Virginia

The song starts with thunder, like the thunder that played when Top left Mew to go to Boston. It’s a sign.

Ray chooses Mew in this moment and Sand feels lost and hurt. He doesn’t know Ray’s connection with Mew, and in EP4, we get it, but Sand still will not. Right now Sand feels like he’s competing against Mew, and later we know he’s been through that before with Top. 

The whole song hurts a lot, but I wanted to highlight two parts: 

I’m afraid that I’ve lost you ‘Cause you’re hiding from me Yeah, it shows that it’s cost you a lot To be like the rest of us

Ray’s mentally ill, he’s living in a house that has not been redecorated since his mom passed. His knowledge of music doesn’t seem to have expanded past his mom’s collection. He’s even using her coping mechanisms. It costs Ray a lot to be able to cope with life and be like the rest of everyone else. 

And the second part:

You got eyeballing down to an art And it’s working too well, indeed

Song: K-sEx by Hank Lotion Scene: Boston and Top in the car Type: Vocal

Not much to say about it other than the song title is very on point and purposeful. And we get more thunder as Top decides to kiss Boston back.

Song: Bird Cry by Iso Indies Scene: Flashback Nick and boston in the car/ Nick listening to Boston and Top Type: Vocal

Lyrics start during the flashback in Boston’s car, and we’re shown Nick planting the bug. 

I’ve been listenin' to birds cry I've been viewin’ from a bird's eye Swear I always keep my third eye open I'm focused If it's real, you know it's gon' come back This that season, but this no come back If you let go, then please don't run back 'Cause if it ain’t love, then we don’t want that

First verse, in the context of the show, a metaphor for spying, being “educated”. The second verse along with the tweets are JoJo and the writers begging Nick to let Boston go.

--

Thank you for reading this far! Quick recap.

We've got Nick's songs turning from mostly wordless techno to HipHop or K-pop. He's begging Boston to see him as He sees Boston as his replica.

Boston's songs are still mostly wordless.

Top and Mew got more songs that sound happy but the words are not. Top and Mew look like they're doing fine, on the surface.

Ray and Sand are stuck in a cycle, each acting out their own parts to the play.

Thank you @rocketturtle4 and @shouldiusemyname for editing and sound lyrics!

Here's a link to my pinned comment if you want to see other episodes!

[ninevoltheartmusic]

Listen to Dopesmoker. I mean it.

I never would've thought a 63-minute song would be my thing. 63 minutes of droning guitars, minimal, repetitive lyrics, and only slight changes between sections – I'm pretty sure a younger version of myself might have wondered if that even qualifies as music in the first place. While I was sceptical the first time I listened to it, Sleep's Dopesmoker (1998) has quickly become one of my favourite albums. It's a soundtrack to a meditative flow state that reminds me to find nuance in repetition, to pay attention to the details, and to breathe through it all.

When I hit my thirties, I almost immediately started taking supplements, eating more vegetables, and going to bed at the same time every night. My younger self is thoroughly disgusted at these developments. The worst part, though? I started meditating. I didn't take it too seriously at first; it was just another item on the long list of things I've tried in the hopes of improving my mental health. But slowly, it started to become a bigger part of my life, opening my mind to new ideas and possibilities.

The same thing happened with Dopesmoker. I didn't take it seriously the first time I listened to it. It's an hour-long droning song about weed; how good could it possibly be? Then I listened again, and another time, and again after that. Over time, it started to seep in. It started to make sense. I realised it was a much deeper pool than I'd expected when I dove in.

The song has been released as an album in several different iterations, being split up into anywhere from two to eight tracks. It hardly varies from its first muddy, churning notes. The guitars sound like the strings are reverberating off smoke-heavy air, unable to fully resound in the cloud of pot smoke. But rather than that sound feeling constrictive, rather than the repetition feeling like a punishment, it drives forward with every strum. It takes nearly 3 minutes for the drums to kick in, and when they do, you're along for the ride, fully immersed in Sleep's world.

The album artwork tells you all you really need to know about the lyrical story. Figures wander across the desert, Dune-style, wearing stillsuits that recycle pot smoke rather than moisture to keep the wearer perpetually high. The lyrics follow the journey of these hooded figures ("proceeds the Weedian to Nazareth") – and... that's about it. An hour could easily hold an intricate melodrama, introducing a cast of characters and their conflicts, but that's not what happens here. The lyrics offer different iterations of biblical weed-worship, some more coherent than others, but no real narrative unfolds other than the journey through the desert, the recycled smoke, the higher power that can be found if you just "follow the smoke toward the riff-filled land." The repeated sections paint mental images of low sand dunes, only the slightest variation in shape and curvature between them – but it's all still sand.

In many forms of meditation, we focus on the breath as an anchor – whenever your thoughts drift, return to the breath. To keep yourself centred, you can pay attention the subtle differences between breaths, the way the temperature changes on the inhale versus the exhale, the way this breath was a little deeper than the last. Dopesmoker asks its listeners to do something similar. Get curious. Notice the subtle changes. Get lost in the sound; let it surround and consume you and see if you come out the other side with any revelations. The song builds and calms, then builds and calms again, taking long, deep breaths over the course of the hour.

Sound meditation is a variation where instead of the breath, some kind of sound is used as an anchor. This can be white noise, soundscapes – anything, really. Meditators will often listen to gongs, Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds like rain, noticing the details in the sound, coming back to the sound when the mind drifts off. An electric guitar is just as good an anchor as anything else.

For me personally, the song's directive to "drop out of life with bong in hand" doesn't totally resonate. But I think Dopesmoker could almost be about anything and still be equally rich and fascinating. If I focus enough, dropping into that meditative state, the song paints vivid images in my mind, changing over the course of the track and between listens. These images are mostly desert-based, yes, but there are colours and shapes, too. These shapes are mandala-like, with each drumbeat, each guitar strum adding to the repeating shapes behind my eyes.

I keep bothering the people in my life to listen to Dopesmoker because it truly is special and something I think everyone can find something different in. Its layers both relax me and keep me alert, ready for the next guitar solo or section change – a powerful state that is much like that of a good meditation section. It makes me question the boundaries of song and album structures, of lyrics, of what it is a song is really supposed to do.

So I'll say here as well: listen to Dopesmoker. High, sober, whatever – just listen to it. Get lost in it. Step away from the world for 63 minutes and return to real life on a higher plane.

[whatmakesthemgreat]

What Makes them great 2: The Ice King

Adventure Time when it came out had two major audiences, kids who loved anything and everything cartoon network, and adults who spent too much time analyzing media meant for kids. As someone whos now spent time of both sides of this coin, I think its only right I give credit to a character whos insanely well made, The Ice King. Now I imagine there are two thoughts here, People who havent seen the series in full thinking “This goofy cartoon wizard man is deep?” and people who have seen enough of the show to know “Oh yeah, this makes sense” Well for those of you confused let me explain to you about this character. (obvious spoiler warning for those who want to watch the show)

This is the Ice King, at the start Ice King was nothing more than a parody of a fantasy cliche, evil magical king kidnapping princesses and bringing them to his evil lair, only to be thwarted by the heroes. Immediately this is twisted on its head by the writers as Ice King is shown to be less of a maniacal king and more a lonely old guy looking for love.  As you can see from his “Lair” below, its closer to a sad bachelor pad than it is the evil kings fortress, to add onto the theme of oddly pathetic loneliness, The Ice kings “pad” is overrun with his penguins, his only friends all with names similar to Gunter with slight variations. I’m sure youre sitting there right now thinking “is this all? Is he that special for being lame?” and the answer is, no and yes. His loneliness gets deeper as we delve into more spoiler territories.

Throughout the series we peel back layers of the Ice King, learning that he is mentally not all there but why? We dont figure out for a while. Eventually we learn that he has a backstory that he doesnt quite remember but is connected to another main character, Marceline the Vampire Queen. In a chilling lyric from a song discussing the twos history we hear the words that Ice King wrote before losing his mind “And I know you're going to need me here with you, but im losing myself and Im afraid youre going to lose me too"

Throughout the series we peel back layers of the Ice King, learning that he is mentally not all there but why? We dont figure out for a while. Eventually we learn that he has a backstory that he doesnt quite remember but is connected to another main character, Marceline the Vampire Queen. In a chilling lyric from a song discussing the twos history we hear the words that Ice King wrote before losing his mind “And I know you're going to need me here with you

But I'm losing myself, and I'm afraid you're gonna lose me too” Thats when it hits you, Ice King must have had something awful happen to him. We reveal later in the series that Ice King was once a man named Simon Petrikov, shown here.

Simon was a normal and kind man,  and without going too much into detail he was eventually the caretaker of Marceline in a post apocalyptic setting. Despite all the magic im sure youve picked up on, Simon had none of it except for one object, a crown. This crown gave him magic ice powers but at a cost, he would lose control more and more as he used it. Simon needed this magic to protect Marceline but had to sacrifice himself for her.  What makes this feel so special is the open ended nature of the metaphor. Is the Ice Kings story about losing a loved one to mental illness or dementia that can't be stopped, or could the crown be meant to represent a drug, something used to get through difficult times but causes Simon to lose himself slowly but surely. Which do you think?

[light-lanterne]

hi ✨💖 i love your writing ❤️ can you briefly explain the titles of your stories? they are very interesting! 🥰💕

hello ! thank you so much~! glad you like my stuff :] i'll try to keep it brief~

🌷 the darkest eyes: this is just a random name, tbh. there's no grand message or complex metaphor; it's just a reference to mike's eye colour as perceived by hopper.

🕰️ the trees are growing restless: so, these are actually the lyrics of the 1994 song 'summer dying fast' by cradle of filth, one of my absolute favourite extreme metal bands. to be completely honest, i was just listening to the song as i worked on the first chapter so the lyrics don't fully fit the story. that said, i think they do fit the last scene of the show rather well~

i watch the storm approaching, the darkness calls my name. the trees are growing restless, they feel the season change. their fruit has putrified, forbidden once and bound to die. the thread of life lies severed on the brink of paradise. grinning winds of hate unfurled. dash towers tall that grip the sun. talons stretch her veil. reclamation, our time has come…

🐈‍⬛ maybe i was destined to—: more lyrics! these are for the song 'strangers' by bring me the horizon. these fit the mood a bit more~ if you search for it, please mind the video. it's very creepy :S

break me down, break me down, make me get better. i confess that i'm a mess, some kind of error. well, maybe i was destined to disappear. we're just a room full of strangers looking for something to save us; alone together, we're dying to live and we're living to die. it never stops, can't erase this, so cross out my eyes, tear the pages. 'cause you and i, we're just dying to live and we're living to die. where did we go? we're all alone, all alone. no place like home; take us back to yesterday. sos, save us from ourselves.

🎻 4'33'': this is another musical one, albeit weirder. it's a reference to an experimental composition of the same name, conceived in 1947 by john cage. i think it's best if you look for it if you want to understand what type of song it is; the meaning and correlation to the story should be relatively clear once you listen to it~!

🕊️ sin deep, my darling angel: another reference to cradle of filth! this is a slight variation from 'sin deep my wicked angel', a rather beautiful and haunting instrumental piece from 2001~ i changed it so it fit the theme better :]

🦇 when our hearts lie six feet under: uh,,, another cradle of filth one x.x listen, their lyrics are beautiful, okei? this is from 2021, from their song 'necromantic fantasies'

when the moon is full and the wolves howl in the forest, would you take my hand and lead us both on our final voyage? would we share our dreams, those necromantic fantasies? really, could we ever be apart when our hearts lie six feet under?

fun fact, the title of the song has a double meaning: the obvious interpretation about dark arts, and a play on words! necro (death) + romantic = a romance that can only happen in death~ i thought it fit the vampire theme rather well

💐 how many tears to nurture a rose: ,,,yeah, uh,,, hi. my name is angel and i get hyperfixated on things x.x anyway, more cradle of filth !! the song (also from 2021) has the same title, but this one doesn't really fit the story all that well :( alas, it was a great title for the concept so here we are !

i did try to use some lyric from another song, 'discourse between a man and his soul', but it's far too dramatic of a title for this story x.x these lyrics are very pretty and fitting, thought~

oh my beautiful friend, i will love thee until the end is nigh. and in time, i'll find thee in my arms on the vast other side.

🔪 ...but here is one: okay, we have escaped the hyperfixation~ we're still on the songs, though. this is from the 1995, stunning song 'all flowers in time bend towards the sun', by jeff buckley and elizabeth fraser. it's an unreleased little song, very intimate and tender, and it's referenced in one of my main inspirations for this story, 'the cat lady'.

all flowers in time bend towards the sun. i know you say that there's no-one for you, but here is one.

in the game itself, it's mentioned by one of the main characters, who is trying to get through to our very depressed protagonist. she's essentially letting our protagonist know that some day she will find happiness, and that she's there for her~

🚀 until the stars all fall down: last but not least ! another song one, this is from the soundtrack of the inspiration game itself, it's called 'everything's alright', by laura shigihara. i shan't spoil too much of it; just know it plays at perhaps the most emotional moment of the game x.x

when this world is no more, the moon is all we'll see. i'll ask you to fly away with me. until the stars all fall down, they empty from the sky. but I don't mind, if you're with me, then everything's alright.

edit: the story is now called “telomeres”. it's a reference to the sleep token song of the same name.

and that's that ! i hope this isn't too long x.x thanks for the question and for being so sweet~!

[bisluthq]

Going to out myself a the 1975 fan here.

The 1975 first song on the album is always called “the 1975” which has kinda the same music but different lyrics for every album. (like a theme song for the band, to open the album.)

1 - The first one I would say could be related to sex in a car.

2 - the second album lyrics are basically the same so could be related to sex in a car.

“ Go Down, Soft sound, Midnight, Car lights”

3 - The third also has the same lyrics with slight variations.

4 - they decided that Greta Thundberg needed to make a speech instead of having lyrics about car sex.

5 - No car sex related lyrics. I think. Completely different lyrics for this one.

the funny thing is, ttpd to me sounded a lot like a the 1975. especially with the stream of conscious lyrics, self awareness jokes, production wise. some of it probably intentionally making fun of the 1975's sound.

I’ve listened to all the 75 - I do have some songs on my playlists from time to time. I do like learning more of the lore. And I agree - TTPD sounds a lot like them which may have been because collabs were planned but also because she’s semi taking the piss out of him/them and it is objectively quite funny. I do appreciate the additional context because my thoughts on the 75 is “some sick tunes” and “Matty is a mess” and “Matty and Taylor had something quite deep but Maylors are delusional.”

[chronicles-of-living-23]

Raised and cultured with the caressing hands of my grand mother and grand father, life has a slight variations from the disciplinary upbringing to the modest yet courageous face off with the challenges of the world. These had filled the emptiness of my childhood. From the frightening look of an annoyed Lolo for the little girl’s agile state of being. Well, upon those scary big round eyes is a father figure that I have longed for. Accompanied with my Lola’s warm hugs and gentle kisses a child’s day has always been energetic that I consider myself lucky and blessed.

Although there has been a couple of deploring moments where I question our Almighty God about my whole existence, still the enduring and constant brace from them has been the source of inspiration to life as a whole.

Professing to the fact that some deportment has been influenced by them still I enfold to it, from the abiding hair style which makes me look like a pompous tomboy, always short with a perfectly trimmed baby bangs well this makes every summer a very refreshing one. Also their ascendancy has also been part of my social life eschewing the circles of male friends as much as possible distancing yourself from them. Well, that technique has been quite effective, for I am reaping the seeds of obedience these days by letting them indulge with the comforts of life. Their command has also been the key to unlocking some superstitions in this vast universe, from the howling of dogs during wee hours which according to them signifies death, to the supernatural beings like aswang and tiklabang to the avoidance of trimming your nail during night time or even sweeping the floor as well, for all of these brings bad luck and bad karma. Well, you should never be unsentimental for elderly should be respected and attended to. These has been the one of the structure of my continuance but music has been the most exceptional of them all.

The festive and cheerful tones of kuracha music has been one of the healing therapies I usually do in times of desolation and grief. Waray- waray kuracha drives weariness into a blithe moment- gleeful and heart warming as it is as my Lolo tries to move to the beat with a half- paralyzed body, although struggling, still it is the most satisfying instant to catch sight of.

It was Christmas and in the whole world is in whole peril with pandemic, but the nonstop Waray- waray Kuracha has put a genuine smile of our faces. Eclipsing the fear and sorrow of the world may bring any minute from now. As the melody and lyrics provides felicity to the household or even to the vicinity where some neighbors dance with glee and with variations as the loud kuracha music resonates to the whole neighborhood, joyously sweating as they sway their body.

It sure is a contrasting celebration of Christmas and new year ,yet the bliss and hope of a content nation will always rest in our custom and attitude as how we foresee the world. Well, for my Lolo it is a nonstop Kuracha, so we must dance to every rhythm like a Kuracha dancer who sways the hands and body with glee. After all life is a nonstop dance all we have to do is embrace to every melody with our heart and let our body moves to live and survive.

[friendsinahistoricalway]

*Text questions copied from coconurt's post, answers are my own*

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen? - It's one of the early scenes of Kiki's Delivery Service by Studio Ghibli, where Kiki is cloud-watching on a hill with her radio.

🍫 Cheese or chocolate? - Honestly, I don't know. It depends on my mood, but a good Mint Aero would outclass most cheese on any day.

✨ Do you have any nicknames? - Yahoy, I do indeed. I get called chickadee and buddy by my parents a lot, and my friends call me rat or a variation on my full name (which I'm not comfortable sharing).

🎵 Last song you listened to? - No body, no crime by Taylor Swift.

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction? - Whhhhhaaaaattt? Yes.

😏 Are you on discord? - Why, are you trying to ask me out?

💛 Do you have any piercings? - Yeah, just the one on my earlobes (like, the most normal place), but I really want a nose stud / ring (not septum, one of the ones on the side, idk the right word), and a second ear-piercing a little further up.

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person? - How they treat people / beings who are of a lower social status than them (waiters in restaurants, service workers, animals, kids, etc.)

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be? - Lemon and lavender but in the most gremlinoid way possible.

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person? - Definitely a cat person, but I don't dislike dogs.

🎧 Headphones or earbuds? - Oooooohhh, this is a good one, you neurodivergent asses. I have some really good noise-cancelling headphones that I love, but wearing earbuds and listening to some good lo-fi on a rainy day is such a vibe, especially on the bus.

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud? - Not to be cringe, but I just told my dad I loved him, and then proceeded to stub my toe on the stair and drop an f-bomb, so do with that what you will...

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know? - So many, so many. The inside of a banana peel can soothe mosquito bites.

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl, for sure. I don't think I count as a human being in the morning.

🧸 Favorite place to nap? - I don't nap a lot, but probably like on my couch or in a tent.

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community? - What? Me? Indeed, I am one of them queers (affectionate). I'm sapphic, probably a lesbian but idek at this point, and I'm AFAB genderfluid.

🦋 Describe yourself in three words. - Nerdy, loyal, romantic.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants? - Sweatpants, probably, but overalls beat out sweatpants, so idk.

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order? - I don't really go to Starbucks that often, but probably a chai tea latte or London Fog latte.

🧡 A color you can’t stand? - I love green, but that kind of neon yellowish green that gets put on like, little boys' Nike shirts and stuff annoys me so much.

💎 What’s your most prized possession? - I really can't decide between my yellow water bottle; one of my instruments; or one of my science awards.

☕ Coffee or tea? - Tea 1000%. I love London Fogs, mint, lime, and Monk's Blend especially.

🦖 Favorite extinct animal? - Dodo bird. Can't explain it. I blame Douglas Adams.

🌙 How long have you been on Tumblr? - Not long. I had known about the culture of it for quite a while, but I think I joined in fall 2022, not sure of the exact date.

🌴 Desert island item? - A teleporter to get me the heck out of there.

🐸 Describe your aesthetic. - Green academia / dark cottagecore. Slight gremlinoid and historical elements.

🔮 What’s your dream job? - Clinical phycologist with a private practice at incredibly affordable prices.

💙 Relationship status? - I swear, y'all are trying to romance me.

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit. - One of my super flowy things, definitely involves a cloak and a blouse, probably a sword, too.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to? - Every Taylor Swift or Harry Styles song ever made, and so many more. I am a music junkie down to my core.

🤎 What color is your hair? - Medium brown. I remember one time when I was little a random old lady walked up to me and said "Now, young lady, I like your hair. It's not so light, not so dark, I call that teddy bear brown". I loved that as a kid, and it kinda stuck with me.

💌 Do you talk to yourself? - Yeah, it helps me process things bc my brain is messed up. I also sing to myself a lot, and I've been told it's unsettling.

💄 Do you wear makeup? - Not like, every day, but I enjoy wearing makeup and wear it pretty regularly, I'd say.

🌸 Best compliment you ever received? - Recently "You had some amazing footwork at the dance last night", I was feeling kinda highkey insecure about my dancing and that was so awesome.

💞 @ your favorite blog. - @tales-from-a-dawn is actually my side blog, I'm sorry, I know we hate self-promotion. I'm writing and producing a fake album (it won't actually be available for purchase, but you will be able to listen to it). I would super-duper appreciate it if you would just check it out and tell me if anything looks cool.

[wordgoods]

Verse Similar to how paragraphs are the body of a letter or essay, the Verse is like a stanza in poetry. The length is usually larger than the rest of the components. Though not all Verses have a rhyme scheme, it is characteristic for Verses to follow a 'AABB' or 'ABAB' format. -> Click here for examples.

Chorus An independent section which is usually repeated, with identical harmonic and melodic structure. The lyrics of the Chorus often contain the song's lyrical hook, which serves to make the tune more recognizable and, in many cases, coerce the audience to sing along. It is worthwhile noting that both the Chorus and Pre-Chorus can be exchanged for Drop and Pre-Drop, respectively, for electronic tracks. -> Click here for examples.

Refrain A Refrain is a line or set of lines that repeat at the end of each Verse. The refrain can often be confused with the Chorus. A Refrain is a repeated section of the verse. A Chorus (or a Pre-Chorus) will have a distinct change in "feel" that separates itself from the Verse. In fact, many songs with a refrain do NOT have a chorus; of course, there are always exceptions. -> Click here for examples.

Bridge Essentially there is a point in song when it completely changes, sounding both melodically and/or lyrically different before it transitions back into original form. It can appear anywhere and rarely appears more than once. -> Click here for examples.

Intro An Intro always appears at the beginning of the song or Part, though not all songs will include an Intro. They are often instrumentals with no words but sometimes there are people talking or buildup involved. Depending on the genre, there are many variations. Only add the Intro header if dialogue is present. -> Click here for examples.

Outro An Outro always appears at the end of the song or Part, though not all songs will include an Outro. Lyrically, the section is represented by either repeating a line as the track fades out or repeating a section of a Chorus or Verse, sometimes with a slight change in the lyrics to indicate a resolution to the song's climax. Outros can also be seemingly-random dialogue. Only add the Outro header if dialogue is present. -> Click here for examples.

Pre-Chorus An often-repeated, semi-independent section that appears between the Verse and Chorus. The Pre-Chorus differs both musically and lyrically from both the Verse and the Chorus, but always appears in conjunction with the Chorus. This is also colloquially referred to as the "build" or "climb." It is worthwhile noting that both the Chorus and Pre-Chorus can be exchanged for Drop and Pre-Drop, respectively, for electronic tracks. -> Click here for examples.

Post-Chorus A semi-independent section that works inversely to the Pre-Chorus, serving to link the Chorus to a succeeding Verse. A Post-Chorus differs both musically and lyrically from the Verse, Pre-Chorus, and Chorus, but always appears in conjunction with the Chorus. On occasion, a Post-Chorus will also double as a lyrical and/or musical Outro. -> Click here for examples.

Interlude Similar to a Bridge, an Interlude is an instrumental or lyrical section which introduces a different feel than any other previous part of song. Like a Bridge, they are used to connect different sections of a song that does not follow a standard song structure. This is not to be mistaken with a Segue which connect two different songs within one track. All spoken-word Bridges are Interludes. -> Click here for examples.

Segues & Parts A Segue is a musical, lyrical, or spoken passage that is used to connect two distinct entities---sometimes whole songs---within a single track using a non-standard structure.

Instrumental Instrumentals on the other hand are when groups play without vocalists and either coordinate in symphonies or jam together. -> Click here for examples.

Instrumental Break Breaks involve instruments or percussion being played between different sections to help create variety in the arrangement or build up to the next Verse or Chorus.

Solos Solos are Instrumental sections where a single performer shows off an improvised or written, extended melody, showcasing their talent. More often than not, a specific instrument rises above the others, hence there could be a [Guitar Solo], [Drum Solo], or [Saxophone Solo]. -> Click here for examples.

[chryzure-archive]

top 5 hadestown songs👀👀

I’ll preface this by saying that I prefer the live recording of the original cast (not Broadway!), but it has less songs than the original Broadway recording (which is also very good, so check out those versions of the songs as well if you feel so inclined!), BUT, top five, starting with my top favorite at number one, is:

Epic III

Chant II

Wait for Me

Way Down Hadestown II

When the Chips are Down

[liinos]

Hhhh idk if this makes sense but I feel like skz always have almost the same styling? Like vibe wise😭😭😭 like it's always we're tough life hardened bad boys who wear Cool™️ fits and chains bc we're ~edgy~ and I'm not saying it's bad cuz like obviously every cb I say Minho looks good as hell and that the styling has sexy moments but like I'm saying I'm kinda bored 😭? If that makes sense? Idk like I'm just thinking about svt in comparison and svt have done like a full range of different styles and vibes even if some of their concepts have been similar and is this just a roundabout way of saying I want a skz summery vibe comeback? It might be

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

bb / gg, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Jeon Jungkook is the lead singer in a rock band and failed his Biology class last semester, so he has to take remedial classes over the summer. You're the Biology TA, double major in Psychology and Biology, watching him freak out over his make-up exam because he had overslept. Both of you are surrounded by rumors. Does the title stand for bad boy / good girl or bad bitch / good guy? Who knows.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; not the healthiest dynamic tbh; slight angst due to perceived unrequited love; smut (fem reader, D/s dynamics, begging, scratching / marking, choking, handjob (he is still wearing underwear), multiple orgasms, cowgirl, hair pulling, edging / orgasm denial, cock ring usage, m-masturbation, cum-eating); non-idol!BTS – rock singer, sub!Jungkook x studious, dom!reader

yes, it's SOWOOZOO JK, both the first yellow tropical look and the shredded black shirt look; for those who wanted him to be dom!JK, there is a moment when he is but not in the way you think because that's how I operate

--

Jeon Jungkook was a bad boy.

Wore too much black, dyed his hair too much, had tattoos, always had girls hanging around him. Sang in a rock band on the weekends, played electric guitar, played the game of how-many-numbers-can-I-get tonight? Never gave a girl his leather jacket to wear but was happy to buy her a drink and flirt with her until she got hot with arousal.

You were a good girl.

Always wore a blazer. Crisp white dress shirt and pleated skirt underneath, usually in a dark color. Sensible heels, but always heels. Did too many units a semester because you were double majoring in psychology and biology. Always arrived to class early, always turned in your assignments on time, always turned in your tests early and aced that shit. Took physics with calculus even though you didn’t have to because it was the harder one and you wanted a challenge.

-

Against the wall, shoving a fist into the neck, lips to lips, teeth snapping, hand travelling down, whimpering pleas and harsh growls, keep crying, I like it, ecstasy and pain, nails to skin. Tearing clothes off, biting, marking, I own you, and then, yes, you do, mouth and tongue, aching pleasure, cocked eyebrow, mocking the pathetic whines and cries, stopping right before the end, no, please, I’ve been good, and, you take what you get, hand fitting onto the neck, squeezing the sides, eyes rolling back, skin to skin, bruising slaps that would be seen tomorrow in the mirror, traced with shaking fingers and pants of an open mouth, moaning at the memory of sky-high pleasure while lightheaded and thoughtless, desperate to do it again.

-

There was a rumor.

Everyone liked Jeon Jungkook. He had two smiles, an endearing one and a teasing one. Both encapsulated the kind of person he was, honest and playful. He always sang with conviction, he rapped with savagery, and his lyrics were always from the heart. He always hung out with his bandmates after their performances at bars and interacted with those that came up to him. No one ever said Jungkook was mean or rude in any way.

And yet.

There was a rumor.

A rumor that Jeon Jungkook was taken.

He was the kind of guy that always made sure a drunk girl got home safe even though he didn’t know them. Paid for their taxi and everything. He focused a lot on his music and writing lyrics he thought would connect with others while taking into account his band members. He always told the truth if a girl confessed to him, saying he wasn’t looking right now, that he was very sorry if she thought otherwise, that there was someone he was already interested in.

-

“Oi.”

You slammed a hand onto the tabletop and Jeon Jungkook jumped, the shredded black shirt he was wearing falling down his shoulder, revealing his ink black tattoos on his tan skin. He was wearing a black tank top underneath.

“What’s with you? You missed the exam for your remedial class and you’ve spent the past ten minutes spacing out at your make-up exam,” you barked, pointing to his empty exam sheet. “You haven’t even filled out you name.”

Jungkook swallowed hard. “S… Sorry.”

You frowned. Why was he apologizing to you? Honestly, why did you sign up for this summer TA position again? Oh, right, money and credits. Hmph. It was really just an excuse for the professor to slack off while you did the tedious things like grading and watching over idiots that skipped class. Sorry, overslept. Hung over, probably, since this was the Jeon Jungkook. Rockstar, hottie, famous in his own way.

Whatever.

He could be Jesus Christ and you would still be scolding him for missing his remedial Biology exam.

“Fill out your name so at least I can fail you properly.”

Not that it mattered, since you knew who he was. He didn’t know you knew who he was, and you had zero incentive to inform him that you were indeed aware of the existence of black-haired, tattooed, chiseled-jaw, sparkly-eyed Jeon Jungkook, all due to the constant snide remarks that followed you in your wake.

You wouldn’t be such a bitch if a guy like Jeon Jungkook put you in your place.

Who the fuck was Jeon Jungkook?

This guy, this weirdo about to fail his fucking Biology exam in front of your face.

Impatiently, you rolled up the sleeves of your gray blazer and grabbed a chair, dragging it up to the table. You snapped the chair down and sat in it, smoothing your skirt. You liked to be neat. Even though university didn’t have a uniform, you liked to keep some sort of uniform for yourself. There was a sense of security in knowing you didn’t have to select an outfit every morning. Today, white dress shirt, gray blazer, pleated black skirt that hit slightly higher than mid-thigh. Every other outfit was some variation of this and, in the winter, you wore thick stockings.

You clicked your heels together under the table sharply.

He flinched at the sound.

Jungkook wasn’t looking at you. He was mumbling at his paper.

“I… I think I studied the wrong chapters…”

You clicked your tongue. Jeez.

His hand was shaking so bad that his pen was practically vibrating. You leaned over the table, grabbing his fist to still it.

“Stop.”

Your bare knees hit his bare knees, mostly because he was wearing black jeans with giant holes in them. Jungkook froze, head snapping up, silver earrings jangling, black hair flying, undercut visible for a second.

“You want to pass this class or what?”

He nodded quickly in response.

“Good. I want to get out of here. Keep your mouth shut. Answer to the first question is A.”

His eyes widened.

“Are you… helping me cheat?” he whispered, terrified.

You cocked your head, letting go of his hand. “You said you studied the wrong chapters. I’m not spending forty-five minutes of my life to watch you panic and then ten minutes more failing you,” you replied lowly, dangerous edge to your voice.

“I… couldn’t… I mean…”

You shoved his knees open with yours, narrowing your eyes as he yelped, pleading look in those brown doe eyes. You pressed your knees on the inside of his thighs, keeping them open.

“Answer to the second question is C.”

When Jungkook didn’t move, you reached over and cupped his chin. Felt his racing heartbeat pounding through his veins, coursing through your fingertips. Stared deep into those eyes, lowering the octave of your voice, keeping his thighs spread for you under the table.

“Listen to me,” you murmured softly. “Okay, Jungkook?”

“O… Okay…”

And he did.

-

There was a rumor.

Nobody liked you. Maybe it was because of your high scores ruining the class test average. Maybe it was the dismissive way you spoke to people, almost demeaning. Most likely it was a combination of the two. Students talked behind your back all the time, spreading rumors. Friends? What friends? You had an average of twenty class credits a semester. You didn’t have time to make friends. And besides, why try to make friends when clearly nobody wanted to be your friend?

And yet.

There was a rumor.

You ignored such things. You didn’t need such distractions.

-

“It would be too suspicious if you got full marks. This score is high enough.”

“O… Okay…”

“Get on the table.”

Jungkook scrambled on the wooden tabletop as you pushed his exam aside. You were still sitting in your chair. Your head tilted, eyebrow lifting at his speedy response to your rather suspicious request.

“You listened.”

He blinked at you. “Uh… yeah?”

Silence.

“Why?” you finally said.

Jungkook gulped. “Be… because you asked,” he mumbled, knees on the table, hands clutching his knees.

“You can just walk out and report me.”

He shook his head quickly, black hair flying everywhere. “I don’t want to.”

Your other eyebrow raised. He chewed on his lip, a flash of pink tongue in his movement.

“Tell me what you want. I’ll do it.”

Well.

You decided to test his conviction.

“Edge of the table. Spread your legs for me.”

Instantly, obediently, Jeon Jungkook surprised you by doing it, putting each leg on either side of you, chunky black sneakers hanging down. Shredded black shirt open, hands behind his ass, towering over you, and yet his eyes were watching you, waiting for more, begging for instruction.

“Hm.”

You raised your chin, seeing his impressively muscular thighs and body displayed for you to take. He was so close you could smell his clean, dreamy scent, like a meadow in summer dusk, surrounded by peeking stars and blinking fireflies. Interesting.

But you didn’t need the distraction.

“That’s it. You can go now,” you said dismissively, about to push your chair back.

His legs closed in, pressing firmly into your upper arms. Your eyes flickered up to him.

Jungkook shook his head very slowly.

“Do what you want.”

You saw his chest rise and fall, his silvery voice deepening, pupils expanding.

“I know you want to do something to me.”

His erection was bulging against the zipper of his black jeans. Your eyes went back to his face. He shivered at your sharp stare. All of this was happening in an otherwise empty lecture hall, with you and Jungkook at the very bottom.

Just you and him.

You placed your hands on his thighs. He jumped a little, but scooted closer to you. You slid your hands up. You undid the button of his jeans, scrutinizing those brown eyes. He raised his hips to help you as you pulled the zipper down.

“You don’t know me,” you finally said, no inflection in your voice.

He didn’t look away. “I don’t care.”

“Hmm.” You smirked. “Bad boy, aren’t you?”

Jungkook shook his head slightly, but didn’t break eye contact as you pulled his pants to his knees and reached for his black boxer briefs. “No. I’m a good guy. I want to give you what you want.” You hooked your fingers over the waistband and nicked his skin with your nails, making him gasp, the pleasure evident in his tone. He did not try to hide it from you. “I want to be good for you.”

“Why is that?”

He hung his head a little.

“Something about… how you make me feel…” he muttered. His gaze finally faltered. You reached up and righted his chin, forcing him to look at you. Saw that Jungkook had a mole under his mouth, perfectly in the center. He had a nice shape to his pink lips. You tapped his cheek, nudging him to elaborate. “You… You’re so pretty… and smart… Everyone looks up to you because you have such good grades…”

You doubted that.

Jungkook probably had no idea that most of the school hated your guts.

You didn’t have classes with Jungkook, but you were sure he knew your name because your name was posted on the Dean’s List of the highest-ranking students of the university every semester. Also, you weren’t hard to miss. Every student moved out of your way when you walked through the halls, whispering behind their hands.

Jungkook brought you back to the present.

“I feel,” he whispered, voice trembling, gaze locking with yours. “I feel like I want to be on my knees for you.”

His skin was warm under your nails.

“Like this is where I belong, in your hands.”

You stood up.

Jungkook started, turning into a tight squeak as you placed your hand on his chest and pushed him down.

“Lift up your shirt with both hands.”

He did was he was told, revealing his toned abs and the lower half of his pecs, biting his lip, clutching onto his tank top, ears turning red as he craned his head to look down at you. You didn’t give him any satisfying response. His tan skin seemed to glow under the overhead lights. You studied his face.

Reached up and began to rub his erection through his underwear.

“A… ah…”

“Gonna make you cum like this.”

He shook his head quickly. “P… Please, no…”

You felt him swell and twitch under your hand. He was pretty big. Thick. Pretty boy with a pretty dick, probably. You rubbed the head with your palm, feeling his pre-cum leaking through the thin fabric. He wasn’t kidding when he said you made him feel some kind of way.

“Why not? Make you cum in your underwear and then you have to go all the way home covered in it. All dirty, just for me.”

His handsome face twisted with sinful pleasure at your suggestion, whimpers in his throat. His cock jerked with need, wanting it.

“O… Okay. Whatever you want.”

So obedient.

“So obedient, Jungkook,” you purred, rubbing faster.

He nodded. “For you. Only for you. Just for you.”

Was it just saying those things because he thought that was what you wanted to hear? Or was that how he actually felt? Surely not the latter, considering he didn’t really know you. You leaned over him, placing your free elbow on the table to stabilize yourself. You hadn’t even kissed him.

“You’re so hard for me,” your drawled, lowering your head, letting your warm breath float down onto his skin. “You want to cum for me, don’t you?”

“Y… yes, please…”

“You want to be my toy?”

You pressed your lips to his bellybutton, feeling the smoothness of his skin, tasting it. He moaned at your kiss, your swift tongue flickering out to that delicious skin, whining when your teeth nipped at the softness. Fuck, he tasted so good that you wanted to mark him. Looked so fucking good that you wanted to mess him up, mar him with temporary imperfections on the perfection that was Jeon Jungkook.

“Yes…”

With breathless, lustful conviction.

You licked up his abs, increasing the intensity and speed of rubbing the engorged head of his cock, the pre-cum already soaked through and creating a slippery surface, turning Jungkook’s pitched whines to deep moans, a melody that filled up the entire lecture hall until was the only thing you could hear, Jungkook’s moans as you bit his skin, his moans as you sucked on his skin, moans as you kissed the hard muscle, cries for more at you left marks, pleading for you, sweet and beautiful, clutching his shirt so tight that his knuckles were white, the black tattoos of his right hand standing out, his cock throbbing in your hand, his hips rising to hump your palm, your name on his lips, over and over and over.

“Gonna… gonna cum…” he panted, sniffing slightly, cheeks flushing pink. “Gonna cum like how you want me to, all over my underwear…”

Your fingertips touched his side, seeing him stiffen and then shudder at your gentle caress.

“Do it,” you murmured. “Show me how good you are at listening, Jungkook.”

He bit his lower lip, jaw clenching, squeezing his eyes shut, tipping his head back into the tabletop, whining your name in his chest, your palm working him, slick and hot and hard, pulsating under your roughness. With a sharp moan, his lower lip popped out of his teeth, dark red and swollen, small mole quivering.

“F-Fuck…!”

You felt it and heard it, the unmistakable jolt and squelch as his orgasm splattered inside his boxer briefs, drenching the fabric, drenching your hand, his embarrassed whines as he realized what he had done but still humping your hand, forcing out every last twitch of dribbling cum, causing you to smear it everywhere, coating the sensitive head and adding to the pleasure, his cheeks flushed red, eyes squeezed shut to savor the pleasure and avoid looking at you.

“Shh…”

You crawled onto the table, still holding his cock through his soiled underwear, squeezing it, free hand slipping under his head and lifting him, his eyes weakly opening, scared and anxious, but all you did was lean down and kiss him, pressing your lips to that pure softness, exhaling his name into his mouth, his scent staining your hand, his cologne filling your nose, your whisper in his throat.

“Time for you to go home.”

-

Jungkook thought you would tell everyone.

You did no such thing.

Instead, you ignored him.

He would see you three times a week and, three times a week, you arrived with the professor and left with the professor. Jungkook tried much harder to attend classes, but you seemed not to care either way. He would come to the front and collect his assignment and find that you had marked it up exactly like everyone else, red marks all over his incorrect answers. You didn’t even look in his direction.

The next exam was coming up quickly.

Part of him considered skipping exam day to have one-on-one time with you again.

“Jungkook.”

He jumped, jerking his head towards the hall, confused. Somehow, he had heard your voice. Or rather, did he imagine it? His teeth sunk into his lip, placing a hand on his forehead, confused. His head was confused. He couldn’t think straight. Why had he done such an embarrassing thing with you? Even you had told him to leave and report you. But Jungkook just couldn’t. Not then and not now. He had asked for it.

He still wanted it.

Nobody knew. Everybody thought he was a cocky, womanizing playboy. And he was, but not because of the sex. It was only because he was bored and that was all he could get. There was power in being on top.

And there was power in letting go.

You were bad for him.

He was a good guy.

You were a bad bitch.

And nobody knew.

A hand slapped down on his shoulder and yanked him around, the loose short sleeves of his yellow tropical shirt flaring out, making his sunglasses rattle on his face. You narrowed your eyes at him. Instant shivers down his spine at your stern gaze.

“Are you deaf?” you snapped. “I’ve been calling your name for the past minute.”

“I… S-Sor–”

You waved a hand dismissively, grabbing his right hand and slapping down a post-it into it.

“Chapters for the exam, including the date and time. Do not miss it this time. I will not let you make it up and fail you on the spot.”

You turned on your heel, letting go of his hand.

His left one shot out and circled around your arm, his rings pressing into your skin.

“Wait.”

You jerked your head towards him, glaring sharply. “Don’t touch me.”

And you yanked your arm out of his grasp, but his legs made the choice for him, following your swift strides, his backpack hanging off one shoulder, clutching the post-it and his last strands of sanity.

“Please, wait.”

“What?” was your curt response, not looking back at him.

“Please do it again,” he gasped breathlessly, unable to stop himself.

“Do what?”

“Have your way with me.”

You stopped walking.

Jungkook walked straight into your back and banged his nose on your head. He winced, stepping back and rubbing it gingerly. He didn’t register you turning around until it was too late and you were right in his face. You raised your chin and eyebrow simultaneously.

“No.”

He blinked rapidly, his tinted sunglasses halfway down the bridge of his nose.

“W… Why? Did you not like it? Was… was I bad?”

You let out an amused scoff.

The side of your lips curved upwards.

He had made you smile, even if only a little bit. Just that small thing was enough to feed his courage.

“I…” Jungkook coughed, clearing his throat before he spoke again, voice still a soft whisper in his embarrassment even though no one was around to eavesdrop. “I can be better. I can do better.”

Silence.

He thought you were going to walk away again.

You reached up and plucked his glasses off his nose. Folded them neatly and tucked them in his tropical shirt pocket. Then your eyes found his again and he knew something was different. He could see you clearly now, his vision no longer clouded by sienna.

Now, Jungkook could no longer stop it.

He could feel it all over him, coursing through his veins, arousal like fire. Something about you and something about him. Jungkook could sense the danger, but he didn’t want to run even though he knew he should. He had heard the rumors surrounding you. They could be true.

And yet.

“I want it,” Jungkook breathed, inviting himself into the danger. “I want you. I want to be your toy.”

Your discerning expression didn’t change.

You reached up and gripped his chin, digging your nails into his soft skin.

He whimpered in his chest, moving closer to you.

“What’s my name?”

His brows furrowed, saying your name hesitantly.

You pulled his chin down so he was eye-level.

“Next time you say my name, I will be choking it out of you.”

-

Everyone thought Jeon Jungkook was the kind of guy to grip your wrist with his left hand and your throat in his right, his lips against your ear and his sweaty chest against your back as you slapped your ass into his crotch and fucked yourself with his rock-hard cock, his smirk in your ear as he provided you with a certain type of encouragement.

“That’s right, you want this dick, don’t you? Show me. Prove to me you want it.”

His fingertips tightening against the sides of your neck, listening to your pathetic cries and moans as you tried to squirm against him, brain running out of oxygen due to lack of blood, running out of thoughts, running out of pleas as Jungkook gripped your wrist, deep snarl against your hair as he roughly finished himself off using your body because that’s all you were, someone to be used by him and nothing more, neck suddenly released with a breathless gasp and shoved face first into the sheets with his right hand splayed on your back, his tattoos and your orgasm crashing down on you, his growls staining the air and a fierce jerk of his hips to spill into your tight hole and leave you moments after, nothing but a discarded toy in his eyes.

You thought.

That was what everyone thought when Jeon Jungkook stood on stage, flipping his dark violet microphone between verses and smirking like a devil, truly in command of every thought and every pair of eyes on him, surrounded by a heavy bass line and deafening drums, guitar solo tearing through the moment to emphasize the next of his lips nearing the mic again, entrancing the crowd with his beautiful lips and talented tongue.

No one knew.

-

You were riding him hard and fast, torn condom wrappers and used condoms littering his bed, back-to-back orgasms, his head pressed into his pillows, your hand around his neck, the other leaving long lines down his chest, scratching him so hard that it dotted red, blooming lines of pain.

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop, f-fuck…”

Jungkook was hoarsely whispering, clutching his sheets, black hair soaked with sweat, raising his chest to your nails, whimpering, punish me, punish me, punish me, and you muttered plainly with a sharp edge, you talk too much, your grip tightening again, pressing onto the sides of his neck, cutting off the blood flow, and Jungkook moaned gratefully, eyelids fluttering, the slap of your hips to his louder and louder, filling up his whole bedroom, rattling his bedframe, fucking him so hard he was slowly sliding up to his headboard.

Your name fell from his lips in pure ecstasy, back arching to shove his whole length fully into you, thick and hard and twitching with need, your slick walls clamping down on him, fitting to him with a hiss. He began to match you, breathless, lightheaded, world hazy, moaning from deep in his chest, I love you, and your reply was only tightening your grip, your hand and your pussy, harder, harder, harder.

“Aren’t you such a good guy?” you scoffed sarcastically, letting up for only a second to let him reply, blood rocketing back into his brain, flooding him with oxygen, and Jungkook sucked in a lungful of air, reeling.

“N-No…” he panted. “You’re the good girl… you’re always s-so… so good to me…”

His eyes locked with yours hazy with lust and love. You almost looked away out of instinct.

“You a-always remember… what I like…” he managed to choke out.

-

You left him when you were done using him.

You pretended he didn’t say those words to you. There was no point in acknowledging the nonsense that he said in the middle of being choked and barely functioning. You tapped your pencil against your textbook.

You caught yourself thinking about him.

Jeon Jungkook.

Your eyes flickered to the clock. Late at night on a Friday. He was probably at a bar. You watched the second hand of your plain silver clock tick, tick away. You never asked to watch him and his band perform even though Jungkook always made it a point to text you the address and the time.

It was obvious Jungkook didn’t want you to be his secret.

He wasn’t really your secret either. You just saw no benefit to letting anyone know there was a connection between you and Jeon Jungkook. After all, you were just using him.

You stopped tapping your pencil.

Stared at the second hand.

Tick.

Heard the voices of the rumors poisoning you, saying the things they said.

She thinks she’s so much better than everyone else because she’s a nerd.

The only reason she has good grades is because she fucked that one professor.

I heard she dated him.

I mean, there’s a reason he left in the middle of the semester, right?

He had a wife!

Snap.

Your eyes flickered down.

The tip of your pencil lead rolled across the page, leaving tiny pinpricks of granite.

There was never any evidence because nothing happened. Nothing happened between you and said psychology professor. He left in the middle of the semester because his wife had a miscarriage and he wanted to be with her. It had nothing to do with you. You had long discussions with him about life and existentialism, hanging out during his office hours.

Sometimes, you felt bad.

Had you kept him from his wife? Would it have not happened if he just skipped his office hours and didn’t spend them talking to you? These were irrational, foolish thoughts. They made you guilty even when there was nothing to be guilty about.

He was a nice guy, mid-thirties. Everyone liked this professor.

They blamed you because they didn’t know.

Only you knew, because he told you with tears in his eyes and thanked you for being his student.

You didn’t tell anyone, because he did not owe you an explanation and you were not going to divulge someone’s personal business that they had shared with you in confidence. You watched your reputation crumble and fall apart, watched friends ostracize you, because you didn’t tell them anything and they didn’t believe you. You watched yourself turn bitter and hateful.

Just tell the truth.

There was no truth to be told.

You put your pencil down.

Closed your eyes.

Remembered Jungkook’s face.

-

Your hands were in his hair, pulling hard. His hot breath was in your face, arms shaking as he held himself up, fucking you into his mattress with whines in his chest, begging you, begging you, begging you.

“P-Please… let me cum, please…”

You liked to watch the sweat clinging to his high cheekbones and neck, jaw glistening with tension, feeling his strong body between your legs, his twitching hardness sliding into you repeatedly in rough, hard smacks, squeezing him every time he was fully sheathed inside you, vibrations coursing through you every time he came down.

“Not until I’m done,” you growled and he whimpered, pleading look in those brown doe eyes, black pupils expanded, unable to cum because a vibrating cock ring was restricting his orgasm, keeping him hard but unable to climax, sending thundering pleasure through him and into you. He watched helplessly as you gripped his hair, hissing sharply as another wave of pleasure overtook you, closing your eyes to savor it, savor his swollen cock twitching inside you as he felt the intense massage of your pussy walls closing around him, throbbing around the head and driving him insane, moaning pathetically because he couldn’t follow suit no matter how desperate he was.

Jungkook didn’t ask if you were done.

He just kept going because you told him he couldn’t cum until you were done.

And you didn’t say you were done.

You stared into those brown orbs, hazy with lust and full of conviction to be good for you.

Desperate to be the best and the only one, not knowing there was no one else because no one else wanted you like the way Jeon Jungkook wanted you.

“Pull out.”

“B-But…”

“You heard me,” you exhaled, throbs of pleasure still trembling through you. Your hands slid down, cupping his chin, nails digging into his sweaty cheeks. “Obey.”

With a pained whine, Jungkook obeyed, pulling out of you, his cock covered in your juices, wearing a condom and the black cock ring. You reached over with one hand to press the button on the remote to turn in off.

“Take it all off. Let me see your cock.”

He reached down and slowly pulled the cock ring off, taking the condom with it, whimpering at the sensitivity, his tone hitting a lovely pitched groan as the silicone squeezed the base of the head. His whole body was shaking as it fell from his hands, the veins on his length standing out, head purple-red and angry, white pre-cum slowly beading at the tip, and his face, looking down at you, waiting for your next move.

Cock waiting to be used.

You tapped your chest.

“Cum on my tits.”

“B-But–”

You cut him off.

“You’re going to cum on my tits and then you’re going to lick it off while I watch.”

-

He listened.

Jungkook straddled your waist with his thighs, muscular and defined, right hand wrapping around his cock, sweat making the tattoos on his forearm and shoulder glow in the low light, smelling like sex and musk, his core tightening as he touched his overstimulated length, using the lube of the condom and his own pre-cum to add to the pleasure as he began to stroke himself, moaning as you lifted your hands and cupped your breasts, pushing them together, his eyes on the curve of your cleavage and points of your hard nipples sticking out, and then your face, an indifferent look with a cocked eyebrow, taunting him, unimpressed by his timid grip on his cock, so he squeezed harder, tighter, embarrassing cries falling from his mouth, living for the smirk that slowly began to form on your lips.

It empowered him somehow, that smirk, the little inkling of satisfaction that Jungkook wanted, needed, craved, knowing he was doing well, being good, furiously pumping his aching cock over your pressed-together tits and he couldn’t last, couldn’t help it, too overstimulated and too turned on, too in love with this to prevent himself from tipping over with a hot gasp, spilling streams of sticky white lines over your breasts, spreading them everywhere, making a huge mess because he wanted a huge mess to clean up, shoving the head into your cleavage and shuddering at the sensation of warmth to his scorching heat, able to feel the pulse of the engorged tip dripping out what was left, shivers up and down his spine, the words falling from his mouth that he never stopped saying even though you never acknowledged them.

“I... l-love you…”

He stayed like that for nearly a full minute, but you didn’t tell him to get off.

His eyes were closed, savoring the feeling.

Slowly, Jungkook gingerly removed himself, lowering his body over yours, tongue sliding out, touching your skin covered in his cum, his taste, mine, no one else’s, him on you, lapping it up, salty and bitter and yet he loved it, loved that you told him to do it, loved that you let him paint your skin with his orgasm and now his saliva. He didn’t care that you never said anything to his I love you, didn’t care that you seemed to pretend he never said it, because he would continue saying it when he was with you, hopeless as it was.

It was the small things that kept him going, sucking his own cum off your nipple and wrapping his lips around it, hearing your soft sigh of pleasure, feeling the tap on his thigh that instructed him to scoot up, the small thing of your hand closing in on his spent cock, sending sparks of pain but also pleasure, moaning into your skin as you massaged his balls with your fingers, knowing that he could take more pressure and roughness because he had just came, the small thing of your thumb rubbing the sensitive slit, his face pressing into your breasts, smearing his cheek with his cum and saliva, sliding across your slick skin because of the intensity of the high it gave him, the pleasure and the pain, his right arm coming up to wrap around you, tattoos cradling your torso.

“I love you…” he whispered to your racing heart under his ear, lost in the rhythm of your heartbeat and the firmness of your touch. Jungkook did not care if you hated him saying it.

He would continue saying it as long as he was with you.

-

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing…?”

“Hmm.”

He placed his hand over the bottom of his phone and smiled at the cute girl that was talking to him at the bar.

“Sorry. I have to take this call. It’s important to me.”

He didn’t hear her response, because he backed away, bowing lightly, pressing his phone back to his ear.

“Ah, never mind, Jungkook.”

“No, no. What is it? Tell me.”

“You’re at a noisy place. It’s Saturday night.”

Jungkook pushed through the people, mumbling his apologies and straining to hear your voice over the thundering bass. “I finished. Well, we finished. We’re only drinking. I can leave at any time. I’ll just text the guys to bring my equipment back for me. Where are you?”

“Forget it.”

He opened the door of the club as the dial tone rang in his ear.

Looked up.

Your hand dropped to your side. You were still in your white dress shirt and navy skirt, dressed exactly like you were when at school minus the blazer. Jungkook’s eyes widened. He was in a torn-up long-sleeve shirt with the right sleeve removed, showing off his tattoos. His black hair was wild and half-wet, and he was wearing tight leather pants.

You clicked your tongue.

“I said forget it,” you repeated hollowly.

You sighed and turned around, skirt swishing in your wake.

“Wait, I’ll come with you–”

“Go back to where you belong, Jungkook.”

His hand closed around your forearm, holding tight.

“I belong with you.”

You stopped walking, silent.

“What is it? Tell me.”

You scowled. “It’s dumb.”

“So am I, remember?” he chuckled, his hand slipping down, squeezing yours. “I’m not very good at school.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment. Cars and people brushed past, but Jungkook was focused onto on your stillness, watching your eyes seemed to be thinking about many things. You hadn’t pulled your hand out of his yet. By now, Jungkook knew that if you didn’t want something, you wouldn’t be shy about telling him right away.

You started walking again. Jungkook was still holding your hand.

“It was just a moment of weakness,” you mumbled under your breath.

“A guy…?”

You didn’t answer.

Jungkook squeezed your hand. “It’s okay,” he murmured tightly. “I understand.”

He did not. He wanted to cry.

Your eyes shot to him, pinning him in place. “You don’t understand, Jeon Jungkook. You understand nothing.” You pulled your hand out of his and Jungkook let go, trying to hold his pain, trying not to breathe because he was preparing himself for the inevitable, the moment you were going to break his heart and, if it was right here and right now, then so be it, because he had said how he felt repeatedly and there was nothing more he could do than that.

He loved you so, so bad.

Jungkook knew he shouldn’t, that it was madness, but he did anyway.

But you surprised him.

Your sharp gaze softened.

“You know what they say about me. You have to know,” you exhaled, shaking your head. “You must know the rumors.”

Good girl gone bad.

Jungkook frowned. “About you and the professor?”

He watched your jaw clench.

“Does it matter?” he asked.

Your eyes shifted, not quite looking at him.

“Whether something did or didn’t happen, what does that have to do with me?”

And now you looked at him, guarded, not letting him know your thoughts.

“You…” He swallowed, trying to press the lump down in his throat. “You’re just using me, right? It doesn’t… doesn’t really matter, because in the end I don’t matter to you anyway… right?”

He did not want to cry and yet he did, because he knew he loved you. It was the small things, the way you never let up on him even in class, the way you picked days that were never the weekend and never before exams, the way you would brush your fingertips on his knuckles before leaving when you thought he was asleep, the way on the last time, the last time you were together, that you pressed your lips to his forehead when you thought he was asleep, running your fingers through his hair.

Jungkook was standing outside this bar and there were people he knew walking past, seeing you and him, but he kept his eyes on you, because the only one that mattered was you.

The one he belonged to was you.

He had decided that when he climbed onto the table that day.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and let out a heavy breath. “If people say things about you, then they say things about you. Whether it’s the truth or not doesn’t change the fact I love you. It doesn’t make me love you less,” Jungkook said, speaking at his usual volume, because there was no reason to whisper the truth. “Even if it’s pointless and crazy, I want to be with you until the day you don’t want to be with me.”

His smiled and blinked back tears.

“Even if that day is today, I will never regret it.”

In this cruel summer, you could have ruined his reputation. You could have told everyone the kind of person he really was and you didn’t. You could have spread embarrassing stories of the things you made him do and you didn’t.

Even if he didn’t matter to you, Jungkook was confident that you weren’t a malicious person.

You rubbed your forehead. “The rumors will come to you.”

Jungkook laughed. “So what? I heard a rumor that I removed two ribs so I could suck my own dick. I admit, I considered doing it after hearing that.”

You scowled, but Jungkook only smiled in return. He could see the tension falling from your face with his comment. You clicked your tongue and tilted your head, as if to say, can’t be helped.

“There’s no other guy,” you muttered. “There’s just you and you’re dumb.”

Jungkook blinked rapidly, confused.

“You say it over and over and make me think about it all the time.” You sighed heavily, running a hand through your hair. “I’m not a good girl. People pushed me away and I stayed there instead of trying to repair the burned bridges. I don’t even think I want to repair them. Who knows what will happen next? I don’t think it would be a good idea to put you through that shit.”

You sucked on the inside of your cheek, looking at him apologetically.

“You’re not the bad boy everyone says you are. You’re a good guy. You should find a good girl.”

Is that what you think? Jungkook chuckled, taking out his hand and rubbing his nose thoughtfully.

“I don’t want a good girl.”

He stepped toward you, lowering his hand and his head so that he was eye level with you.

“I love a bad bitch who can push me around and makes me their toy.”

He tilted his head, small curve on those beautiful lips, tiny mole underneath appearing with every smile.

“Which can only be you, you know.”

Jungkook didn’t try to kiss you. He only wanted to look into your eyes so you knew his conviction.

“I love you.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’ve heard you say it.”

He nodded. “And I’m going to keep saying it until the day you leave me.”

Silence.

Ah.

Your eyebrow lowered and you gave him an indifferent look.

“Hm. I wonder when that will be, Jungkook.”

You leaned in, but before you kissed him, he heard the whisper against his lips, felt the shape of yours as they brushed against his, words he prepared himself to never hear from you, words that he thought you would never say, and that was fine with him, because you showed it, and that was enough.

He thought.

“I love you.”

And then your lips on his and his tears fell onto your cheeks because Jungkook wanted to cry all this time and he could not stop now, knowing that he was so, so in love with you and you finally, finally said it back to him.

--

masterpost

[yuta-nakamots]

crush - n.jm

Pairing - Jaemin x Reader

Genre - High School!AU, Fluff, Angst

Warnings - None (if you feel that I should add a warning please lmk)

Summary - Na Jaemin was the boy who had protected you from bullies, let you copy his homework, shared his snacks with you, and practically doted on you like a mother. It would only make sense for you to develop a crush on him though not all loves are meant to last, especially when your overbearing feelings crush themselves.

Word Count - 5.3k

A/N - Bolded phrases are song lyrics taken from Crush by Tessa Violet.

Taglist - @ukiyoneo​ @badwithten @yasmini24 @luvlyjaemin​ @jimjamjaemin​ @loeygotospacenow

Written for the Summertime Tunes Collab hosted by @mismatchmark​ and @croissanct​. Also part of the NeoWinter Festival hosted by @czennienet​.

Song: Crush by Tessa Violet. Color - Pink.

“I swear the answer for the last question was the Mandela effect,” you exclaimed, “you know, the one where you think you remember something but it’s totally different?”

Jaemin’s infectious laugh filled the interior of the car. “No no no, I think you’re mistaken,” he wagged a finger at you without taking his eyes off the road, “the question wasn’t asking about the memory of an individual, it was asking about the memory of a group, like a large mass of witnesses to a crime.”

A cold wave of despair hit you when you realized that you utterly screwed up on the largest question on your first exam of senior year. It was such an easy question yet you carelessly answered it, just wanting to go home as soon as the bell rang. That and getting to be with Jaemin, whom you’ve been crushing on since sophomore year.

You and Jaemin actually hadn’t become friends on your own terms. The two of you first met as freshmen and had to work on a group project in history together and that’s when you got his number. You didn’t talk to him for the rest of the year though. Then in sophomore year, again, you had the luck of being with him for a project, though this time it was just the two of you and it was for chemistry instead.

“Ooh, let’s do an experiment with salt,” Jaemin suggested as you gave him a questioning look, “it’s part of my nickname.”

“What? Salt? People call you salt?” You were utterly at a loss for words.

He shook his head, “no, didn’t you know? My nickname is Nana, from Na Jaemin...like N-A? Salt? Get it?”

You let out a slight wheeze when you understood what he was getting at. “Yeah, okay, we can do one with salt as long as it’s not too complicated.”

He had chosen to do an experiment on finding what method of food preservation kept produce fresh the longest, and salt was one of them. Your classmates ended up choosing your project as the most creative since they were all amused by the way Jaemin had placed pictures of himself around the section of the presentation board relating to the effectiveness of the salt treatment.

Ever since then, whenever there was a project in any of the classes you shared with Jaemin, he’d always gravitate towards you and ask you to be his partner. Eventually, after being assigned a large physics project, the two of you were deciding whose house to do the experiment at, and after sharing addresses, both of you realized that you lived only two blocks away from each other.

Just to keep things safe, it was agreed that the experiment would be done at Jaemin’s house under the supervision of his older brother who majored in something in the science field and volunteered to look after you guys and make sure no one died. The walks to his house weren’t awkward, in fact, they were quite fun and interesting considering how talkative Jaemin was. Even after your project was completed, he’d continue walking with you since your house was on the way to his.

In junior year, the two of you drifted apart as you both found your own friend groups and started hanging out with them more but in senior year, Jaemin pulled you both back together when he called you in the morning to ask if you’d like a ride to school.

“I mean, yeah sure I guess.” You had responded as you finished packing your bag. What you expected was for him to pull up in the passenger seat of his brother’s black car, the loud J-Rock music vibrating the frame of it. What you didn’t expect was for Jaemin to be the one driving the car, his older brother nowhere in sight. “Y-you can drive?!”

“Yeah, got my license over summer.” He replied nonchalantly, taking a bite of a small sandwich wrapped in Starbucks napkins. “My brother graduated early and went to Japan for grad school so he said I can use his car once I get licensed. Pretty cool, right?”

When you finally looked at him after getting into the passenger seat, you realized just how much he was starting to change. You had noticed his voice getting lower and the way his shoulders seemed to be broader but now even his face seemed to be slightly sharper and more mature. “Hey, answer me,” he said, interrupting your trance, “just because my brother’s gone doesn’t mean you can give me those sad eyes because you had a crush on him and didn’t get the chance to tell him.”

“I do not have a crush on your brother,” you began as Jaemin drove you to school, “that’s so gross, he’s like a whole five years older than me.”

“Mmhmm, I literally heard you tell June that you liked him.”

“I didn’t, I swear.” The truth is, the day he had heard you, you were telling your friend June about your crush on Jaemin before your shared trigonometry class and he had just so happened to come into the classroom early that day and overheard the tail end of it where his name was mentioned. June had covered it up by saying that you had a crush on his older brother, which you went along with since you didn’t want Jaemin to know that it was actually him that you were talking about. Hopefully one day you’d get to tell him this story and laugh about how childish you were, but for now, you kept to yourself.

From that day on, Jaemin made sure to take you to school and back once the day was over, insisting that it only makes sense since your houses are so close to each other. It’s not like you were really complaining though because it meant more time for you to be with him.

A week before homecoming, Jaemin came to pick you up in the morning as usual, his car slick from the morning dew that was on the roads. He waved at you as you came down your driveway, unlocking the door for you. “How’s my princess doing on this fine morning?” He asks once you open the door and place your bag inside.

“Tired.” You state plainly. “Nearly slept through my alarm.”

“Would you like some coffee?” He looks down at his coffee that blends in with the black coloring of the console and seats. You make a face of disgust at him, scrunching up your nose and mocking the action of vomiting. “Alright, okay, I get it.” He laughs out as you buckle yourself in.

After you were comfortably seated in Jaemin’s car, there was a calming silence as he pulled away from the curb and navigated his way out of your neighborhood. The silence was only broken when he stopped under a fresh red light, prepared to wait for a bit. “So the homecoming dance is coming up,” you let out a short hum to acknowledge him while scrolling through social media, “do you have someone that you’re planning on going with?”

You shook your head, “I have someone in mind but I don’t know if they’d want to go with me.”

“Oh, who is it?” Jaemin asks as the light turns green, signaling for him to make the pass through the intersection.

“It’s you.” Turning to look at him, you see his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed together. “Would you like to go with me to the homecoming dance?” The mere seconds it took him to respond to your question felt like hours but you didn’t mind, not when he looked so handsome and relaxed in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the center console.

You make it difficult to not overthink

His hesitation was evident but eventually, he replied, “sure, I’ll go with you.”

The dress you wore was a pretty shade of pink, one that complemented your skin tone nicely and Jaemin wore a matching pink button-down shirt paired with black ripped jeans which you were sure he stole from his brother’s closet. Your friends nicely complimented your outfits and asked when the two of you would be official, at which both of you replied “it’s not like that” or “I don’t like them that way” or some other variation of it.

June looked at you knowingly from the other side of the table every time that happened, knowing how badly you hoped for his words to be only a front he was putting up and that maybe, just maybe, he thought of you as more than a friend. But the little hope you had was put to rest when Yunhee, one of the girls from his friend group, came by and pulled him away, telling him that Jeno, his best friend, wanted to take group pictures together.

Jaemin didn’t return to the table until the winner of the homecoming spirit trophy was about to be announced. He shared a look of excitement with you as both of you did a drumroll on the table before Haechan, the student body president yelled out, “the seniors, class of 2018, are the winners of this year’s homecoming spirit trophy!” Jaemin jumped out of his seat and hugged you out of joy before running off to celebrate with the rest of his friends at their table.

Again, he did not return until the lights were dimmed and the music volume was raised. “Would you like to dance, m’lady?” He asked as he held his hand out for you to take. The rest of your friends let out giggles at the gesture and cooed when you placed your hand in his and followed him to the dance floor.

He let go of your hand as the two of you faced each other and started moving to the beat of ‘Let’s Fall in Love for the Night’ while mouthing the words to each other. With every line mouthed, you felt your heart swell for Jaemin because it was as if this song were written for the two of you.

“You look absolutely beautiful tonight.” He told you as the song slowed down.

“I can say the same for you too.” Your eyes met him as you smiled at him.

His smile mirrored yours with the same playful affection. “Then why don’t you?”

You weren’t even given the chance to do so when Yunhee appeared once again, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him in the direction of where the other nominees for homecoming court were gathering. “They’re announcing the winners, come on,” she informed him as she began pulling him away, “you look good tonight though, you too, y/n, I guess.”

Yunhee had always been playing some sick passive-aggressive game with you and you never understood why. Jaemin encouraged you to just brush it off every time it happened, but you simply couldn’t, not when it has continued for three years now. You were about to open your mouth and say something back to her but you held yourself back, not wanting to sour the mood for everyone else.

Without Jaemin dancing with you and not knowing if the rest of your friends were on the dance floor, you returned to your table just as Haechan stepped out to announce the winners of the homecoming court. June came to sit next to you, occupying Jaemin’s seat as you laughed at the way her makeup was slightly smudged from when she accidentally rubbed her eye. “I’m glad I can still make you laugh.” She said as she gave you a sad smile, already having you like an open book.

The two of you became engrossed in a conversation about how hard it was to do your hair and makeup earlier, effectively drowning out the naming and cheers for the winners of the court until one name was able to make your heart stop. “Na Jaemin.” You turned around in your seat to see as Jaemin was crowned homecoming king and went to stand alongside Yunhee, who smiled at him as she donned a similar crown, making her his queen.

June took you home that night, leaving behind her own date for you as you struggled to hold back your tears, seeing Jaemin dance with another girl. “It’s just for homecoming, he probably doesn’t even like her that much.” June reassured while rubbing your back. You wanted so badly to believe her but there was just something inside you that wouldn’t allow you to do so.

Homecoming passed quickly, though not quickly enough for your liking, and as much as you were glad to put some distance between that night, you weren’t as glad to be swamped with work again. You were supposed to be thinking about how Pavlov experimented with classical conditioning yet you were the one feeling classically conditioned to think about Jaemin.

He occupied your mind whenever you weren’t extremely focused on something. Everything you thought about brought you back to him. Even now, you debated on whether it would be a good idea or not to classically train him to like you.

I can’t focus on what needs to get done

Your phone buzzed from its spot on your desk, plucking you from your experimental daydream, only to send you on a rollercoaster as you read the notification on your screen.

nana > y/n

7:31pm: wanna go get food with me?

y/n > nana

7:31pm: right now?

nana > y/n

7:31pm: yeah

y/n > nana

7:31pm: sure, i’ll be ready in a bit

nana > y/n

7:32pm: thank god cuz i’m outside already

You figured your psychology notes could wait for a bit, especially when the reason was Jaemin. With finals coming up soon and the impending doom of graduation and college, you wanted to make the most of every moment you had with him, even if it was nights spent getting McDonald’s and eating it at an elementary school playground, seated side by side at the top of the slide while looking at the stars.

“I wonder why people say ‘shooting stars’ and ‘falling like the stars’ because they can’t do both, right?” Jaemin pondered through a mouthful of french fries.

“Stars don’t fall, silly.” You remarked, truly questioning how he had such good grades in his classes yet didn’t seem to know such trivial things.

He continued staring up at the night sky before responding. “Well if they did, I think I’d be one of them.”

You looked at him, entertaining his wonderings while sipping some Sprite. “Oh? Now, why is that?”

“Because I think I’ve fallen for you.”

Your mouth opened ever so slightly out of shock and you felt as if you were frozen when he took the drink out of your hands, placing it gently behind the two of you before putting a hand on your jaw, holding your steady as he gave you your first kiss.

When he pulled away, you were still having trouble processing what just happened and left him hanging, but in a few seconds you had one hand on his shoulder, the other on his cheek as you pulled him in to kiss him for real this time. Jaemin let out a noise of surprise though he quickly recovered and his lips began moving with the shape of yours.

You immediately felt insecure from how confident he seemed, thinking that he probably already had prior experience, so you pulled away, not wanting to embarrass yourself if he thought you were a bad kisser. Both of you pulled away, slightly out of breath.

“Was I your first kiss?” He asked. You nodded in response, looking anywhere but at him. “Good, because you were mine.” Your eyebrows raised in shock and you turned to him, only for his lips to meet yours once again.

And I’m just tryna play it cool now

The two of you stayed at the playground for what could have easily been another hour talking about your futures and kissing each other. It was then that the two of you found a common college on both of your lists of possible schools and agreed to go there if both of you got in. When Jaemin dropped you off later that night, he sent you off with one last kiss and a smile, reminding you to study for your psychology final next week.

The in-class reviews for the said exam could’ve easily been thrown out the window for you since all you did was stare at Jaemin from the other side of the room. June asked you and your friends something about mental maps but the only mental map you were creating was that of the house you’d live in with Jaemin someday.

But I could be your crush...throw you for a rush

Even during the final exam itself, you couldn’t help but glance over at him and think about how handsome he was. It was only when one of your friends sneezed and Jaemin looked over to say ‘bless you’ that you averted your eyes back to the papers in front of you, not wanting him to catch you in your daydreams.

And I’m pretending you ain’t on my mind

But with the wrapping up of your classes and all the finals being taken, it also signaled the end of the semester and the start of winter break, which Jaemin would be spending in Japan visiting his older brother. When he left, it felt like he took a piece of you with him. He was always on your mind and you practically glued to your phone, anxiously waiting for a message from him. To be fair, he did promise to update you at least once a day on all the fun things he did.

Hoping you’d text me

You were the first like and comment on all of his social media updates, unashamedly. The most recent being a video of him and his older brother having a snowball fight at the ski resort they were visiting.

In the video, Jaemin threw a snowball at his brother who let out a yell in surprise, his dyed-blue hair now covered in white. “Hey! Come back here!” He yelled as he knelt to the ground, gathering his own snowball to throw back at Jaemin.

Jaemin ran away to a small stack of snowballs, giggling as he grabbed another one and launched it again at his brother, only angering him further. “How about you respect your elders, huh?” His brother shouted as he threw his first snowball at Jaemin, which would’ve hit him square in the face if he didn’t turn around as fast as he did.

“No headshots, you bully!” He pouted, rubbing the spot the snowball hit, just to be hit twice more by his brother. “Hey, I’m injured!”

“Now you know how I feel playing PUBG with you, kid.” His brother shot back.

na.jaemin0813 - he put up a good fight but i think i won

ynn0018 - you definitely did. I miss you tho :’( come home soon pls

You checked the post again when he replied to your comment and read through some of the other comments, feeling jealous when you see that he also replied to the other girls who left messages though you quickly eased yourself when you say that he gave you the longest response with the most emojis.

na.jaemin0813 > ynn0018 - i miss you too 😘😘 i’ll be back sooner than you know it <3

Jaemin stayed true to his word, texting you every day, and making sure you weren’t too bored without him. He filmed his own short little vlogs and sent them to you throughout the day and did a longer video at the end of the day as he got ready for bed. You’d watch them whenever you got bored or thought of him and the days didn’t seem all that long without him physically there with you.

When Jaemin returned from Japan and the break ended, the two of you were the closest you’ve ever been. You did nearly everything together like eating lunch, studying for tests, even facetiming each other while doing homework though neither of you really spoke much.

Thanks to Jaemin being so overprepared and not wanting to live in his brother’s shadows, his early application to colleges motivated you to do the same and within the first month of the year, both of you had acceptance letters to the school where you could chase your dreams together and not have to risk doing a long-distance relationship. If fate and soulmates truly existed, you knew this would be it.

The third quarter of the school year goes by quickly, the rest of your friends receiving their acceptance letters after you and slowly announcing their future schools and plans after graduation. Things felt like they were falling into place, just the way they should be and you thought you could never be happier.

During spring break, you and Jaemin even took your senior portraits together at the local botanical garden, the sunset behind the flowers turning the sky a fiery shade of pink. “I want to see more of these sunsets with you,” Jaemin admits after you both decide you’re satisfied with how the pictures came out, “Japan has these same types of sunsets and I wish you were there to see them with me.”

“Let’s go then,” you tell him, excited as you imagine the sight of you and him traveling the world and watching many more beautiful sunsets, “after we graduate, let’s go to Japan, just the two of us. We can visit your brother too and he can even be our tour guide.”

You’re my permanent vacation

From then on, both of you vowed to ‘grow up’ a little more to show your parents that you could be trusted to travel on your own. One of the biggest things you set out to do was to get your license, which of course Jaemin is initially against but eventually comes to terms with and becomes your biggest supporter, letting your drive the two of you to school and home on days when traffic wasn’t too heavy. Of course, you couldn’t get your license in just a few months but you told yourself you’d get it as soon as you were able to.

At school, prom was drawing nearer which meant promposals were happening left and right. Jaemin hadn’t said anything about going to prom together yet or if he was going at all so you thought it would be nice to turn the tables and do something nice for him since he was the one always driving you places, buying you food, giving you gifts, and just, in general, being the best ‘boyfriend’ you could ask for.

You told June about your plans but she surprisingly warned you against it. “Wait, why shouldn’t I do this? I thought you wanted me to get with Jaemin?” You question, taken aback at how quickly your best friend seemed to have turned on you.

“I do, but I think maybe you should wait a bit.” She reasoned.

“He hasn’t said anything yet though, or even mentioned the word ‘prom’ to me, so I don’t think he’s planning on going.”

“He must have a reason, like what if he doesn’t-”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m trying to get him to go. Because if I ask him, then for sure he’ll say yes, right?” You interrupt.

June pauses. “Well, yeah, he’d probably say yes, but like, keep in mind that you guys aren’t even official so there’s no guarantee.”

You roll your eyes at her. “Whatever. I thought you were supposed to be my best friend and support me no matter what.”

“Y/n, no, that’s not what I meant-”

“Save it, I don’t want to hear it.”

You stuck your ground and went home that day, ready to think up a cheesy pick-up line and design a poster asking Jaemin to prom. The day after that, you put the first part of your plan into motion and created the poster, drawing out your message in big, bold lettering and coloring them pink.

‘If I were a star, I’d be a falling star because I’ve fallen for you. Prom?’

You waited until Thursday to buy a bouquet of flowers after school, telling Jaemin that you needed to pick something up from the store and he could just drop you off there. You also told him that your parents were cool with letting you drive one of their cars so you didn’t need a ride to school on Friday morning. The second of which was harder to convince him of, but you did it nonetheless.

And I’m not tryna be with you now

You came to school, rushing to store the flowers and poster in your locker so that Jaemin doesn’t see them. The adrenaline doesn’t leave your body until after the first period ends, your mind already overwhelmed from being a TA and having to deal with freshmen for an hour.

When you arrive at your psychology class, you excitedly tell June about your plans for the day and how you were going to ask Jaemin to prom after school gets out, which she makes a face at. “Okay, now tell me, what is going on with you and your aversion to me asking Jaemin to prom?”

“Look, I’m not against it,” she began, her eyes drifting off to somewhere else, “it’s just that…”

“What, June, what could it possibly be?” You spit, getting angry at how your own best friend didn’t want to see you happy.

Her eyes snapped back to your face. “You know what? If you’re so intent on doing it, fine. I won’t stop you. I told you that I support you and Jaemin together so I don’t get why you’re so upset.”

Just as you were about to fire back, Jaemin walked through the door with Jeno so you quickly changed your expression to smile at him before muttering to June “I’m going to ask him to prom and prove that whatever you’re hiding from me is wrong.”

The next two periods seemed to drag by, you just wanted the day to go faster so you could finally do what you’ve been waiting for. During lunch you went to your usual spot, shaded underneath a tree by the cafeteria, pulling out your homework as you wait for Jaemin when you suddenly hear a commotion happening on the other side of the building.

Out of curiosity, you stood up and walked over just enough to get a glimpse of what was happening in the large ring of students. There were two people. Jaemin and Yunhee. You watched as Jaemin held open his own poster asking Yunhee to prom and you see her nod her head before pulling him in for a hug.

Any hope you previously had was crushed.

You didn’t feel like doing anything productive for the rest of the day. Instead of staying under the protection of the large tree, you packed up your belongings and went to your last class of the day, waiting for lunch to end. It was a study hall anyway so you figured you might as well get a head start at being unproductive for an hour.

Scrolling through social media didn’t help your cause in the slightest. Jaemin’s promposal was everywhere. But he and Yunhee posted about it, everyone who had recorded the event posted it on their stories, comments were flying left and right and it was all too much.

When you got home that day, you turned off your phone for the first time since god knows when and set to working on all your assignments just to keep your mind off of him. Even the mention of his name seemed taboo now. Once you deemed that enough schoolwork had been done, you went about cleaning your room and pulled up a ‘summertime tunes’ playlist on youtube to keep your mind occupied though it seemed like the world was against you today when ‘Crush’ started playing.

Maybe if I’m busy it could keep me from you

You shut Jaemin out of your life, blocking his number and his social media accounts. Legally, you could not get your license yet so you settled for having your parents take you to school. In class you sat as far away from him as possible and ditched your lunch spot, instead opting to spend lunch sitting in your next class and you were glad that your teachers didn’t mind you intruding on their break and if they did, they were kind enough to allow you to stay.

Exactly one month after that mistake of a day, you went to prom with your group of friends after patching up your relationship with June, though there was no undoing your harsh words the same way there was no undoing your purchase of the pink prom dress thinking that you’d be going with Jaemin as your date.

Whenever you looked down, you were disgusted by the color, wanting to rip it off of you and never have anything to do with anything pink ever again. Your friends accused you of being a downer the whole night, but you couldn’t help it when you knew Jaemin was probably having the time of his life with Yunhee at their table, Jeno right at his side with his own date.

“Come on, cheer up a bit, you still have us.” June kindly told you.

“I know, it’s just,” you put your head in your hands, careful of your makeup, “this is not the way I dreamt of things going.”

June shook her head. “Well, some dreams are better left as dreams. Just wait, Jaemin will get his karma, I promise you.”

“It better come soon because I’m getting sick of seeing them together.” You nodded over to where he was dancing with Yunhee. You didn’t dare look at them, not wanting to see his stupidly handsome face and his dumb smile or the way she blushed at his compliments and the way her pink nails matched his pink tie.

You left the hotel ballroom that night vowing to yourself that you’d never speak to Na Jaemin again. Your friends fully supported you on this endeavor and your group became the tightest you’ve ever been even if it was only for the last month of your high school career. Graduation came and went, the special night was spent having your own mini party at one of your friends’ house after the ceremony and you might have even had a bit to drink.

Summer felt like an odd daydream of sorts though you were immensely grateful for the break since it allowed you to not have to see Jaemin’s face almost every day of the week. Both of you acted as if the other person didn’t exist and you hoped to keep it that way for a long time. Even when you saw him out of the corner of your eye at freshmen orientation on your college campus, you reminded yourself of the promise you made on prom night.

“Y/n, hey!” He called out to you, walking in your direction.

You looked over at him, giving him a slight smile before turning away and walking off to sit with some of the other people you met earlier while doing some of the icebreaker activities.

Sorry

Some crushes are better kept a crush.

[miserablesme]

The Les Miserables Changelog Part 5: 1992 UK Tour

Hello, everyone! This is the latest edition in my attempt to chronicle all of the musical and lyrical changes which the show Les Miserables has undergone over the years. Much like the last part, this one focuses on changes made not to the official libretto, but to one particular production: namely, the 1992-1994 UK tour. However, in contrast to the last part, the vast majority of these changes at least made it elsewhere at some point. This will be a bit longer than Part 4, but still shorter than any of the first three parts. With all that cleared up, let us begin!

Like the West End production before it (more on that later), the UK tour swapped these lines from "At the End of the Day":

What is this fighting all about?

Will someone tear these two apart?

He thus instead sings:

Will someone tear these two apart?

What is this fighting all about?

The first noticeable difference original to this production occurs during "Lovely Ladies". Originally after Fantine's "Ten francs will save my poor Cosette", there was a rather complex section in which the sailors and prostitutes sung different lines simultaneously. It went as follows:

(SAILORS - simultaneously with prostitutes' lines)

Lovely lady, fastest on the street

Wasn't there three minutes

She was back up on her feet

Lovely lady, what you waiting for

Doesn't take a lot of savvy just to be a whore

Come on lady, what's a lady for?

(PROSTITUTES - simultaneously with sailors' lines)

Lovely ladies, lovely little girls

Lovely ladies, lovely little ladies

Lovely girlies, lovely little girls

We are lovely, lovely girls

Lovely ladies, what's a lady for?

The UK tour totally reimagines this scene as an exchange between a prostitute and a pimp:

(PROSTITUTE)

God I'm weary, sick enough to drop

Belly burns like fire

Will the bleeding never stop?

(PIMP)

Cheer up dearie, show a happy face

Plenty more like you, dear

If you can't keep up the pace

(PROSTITUTE)

Only joking, dearie knows her place

This is quite a massive departure from the original! I imagine it would be quite a bit easier to get right given that it involves only two actors, neither of whose dialog overlaps the other (in contrast to the original scene with an entire ensemble of actors with distinct but simultaneous lyrics and tunes). It's hard for me to decide what I prefer. Thematically, the revised version is better, given that it makes the negative and exploitative aspects of prostitution quite a bit clearer than the original. However, lyrically I prefer the original somewhat simply for the sake of consistency. The sick prostitute scene, as it's sometimes been called, is the only point in the entire song where that chorus is used without some variation of the words "lovely ladies". Feels a little out-of-place to me.

"Fantine's Arrest" also gets different lyrics - for a time, at least. I have two different audios from the UK tour, from April and December 1992 respectively. The December audio reverts to the original lyrics for Bamatabois (though not for Fantine). I wonder whether or not someone just forgot to tell the replacement Bamatabois about the lyrical edit, or if it was a conscious choice to revert the scene? I also wonder if the year-plus of the tour after that performance kept the original lyrics or put the new ones in again. Regardless, this is how the exchange between Fantine and Bamatabois originally went:

(BAMATABOIS)

Is this a trick? I won't pay more

(FANTINE)

No, not at all

(BAMATABOIS)

You've got some nerve, you little whore

You've got some gall!

It's the same with a tart as it is with a grocer

The customer sees what he gets in advance

It's not for the whore to say "yes sir" or "no sir"

It's not for the harlot to pick or to choose

Or to lead me a dance

The UK tour initially revised the sequence into the following:

(BAMATABOIS)

Is this a trick? I won't pay more

(FANTINE)

I won't have you

(BAMATABOIS)

You've got some sauce, you ugly slut

You've got some gall!

What's become of the world when a whore from the gutter

Can suddenly get such ideas in her head?

Your job is to lie on your back for your betters

This hideous harlot believes she can choose

Who she takes to her bed

I guess the revised lyrics feel a bit more threatening, as well as a little less contrived. (Who the hell has ever actually used the phrase "lead me a dance"?) Still, I prefer the original ones because the rhyme scheme feels a lot more natural.

More changes occur during "The Runaway Cart". The original (rather clunky) conversation among the townspeople was as follows (with each line separate due to being said by a different person than the previous one):

Look at that

Look at that

It's Monsieur Fauchelevent

Don't approach

Don't go near

At the risk of your life

He is caught by the wheel

Oh the pitiful man

Stay away

Turn away

There is nothing to do

There is nothing to do

The UK tour rewrites most of the scene into the following:

Look at that

Stay away

You'll be crushed by the cart

Don't approach

Don't go near

It'll fall on you too

Oh my god, who is that?

It's Monsieur Fauchelevent

He is caught by the wheel

Oh the pitiful man

There is nothing to do

A far more natural progression in my humble opinion, and less repetitive as well.

The later scene involving the townspeople doesn't actually include any lyrical changes. However, like the West End production before it (more on that later), it does take lines that were previously in the singular into ensemble lines. The sequence was generally being performed as follows:

(MALE TOWNSPERSON)

Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor

The load is as heavy as hell

(FEMALE TOWNSPERSON)

The old man is a goner for sure

(MALE TOWNSPERSON)

It will kill you as well

The UK tour instead staged it as follows:

(MALE TOWNSPERSON)

Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor

(ENSEMBLE)

The load is as heavy as hell

(FEMALE TOWNSPERSON)

The old man is a goner for sure

(ENSEMBLE)

It will kill you as well

This ensemble business, which was already being used in the West End at the time, is an interesting callback, perhaps, to the pre-Broadway libretto in which much of the segment was sung by the ensemble. Personally I consider this edit an improvement. It feels far more frantic when the entire crowd is involved in the scene.

Once Valjean actually saves Fauchelevent, his lines are originally as follows:

Monsieur Le Maire, I have no words

You come from God, you are a saint

The UK tour changes them into the following:

Monsieur Le Maire, I have no words

You saved my life, you come from God

I guess the rewrite makes the reason for Fauchelevent's gratitude clearer, though it was already perfectly clear to begin with. The edit certainly doesn't hurt anything though.

The preamble to "Master of the House" retains the original "Hell, what a wine" instead of the post-Broadway "God, what a wine" edit.

Similarly, the "Waltz of Treachery" number has Thenardier ask the original "Have we done for your child what is best?" instead of the post-Broadway "her child".

A slight variation can be heard after the “Waltz of Treachery”. Usually Little Cosette asks:

Will there be children

And castles to see?

However, in the UK tour she instead asks:

Will there be castles

And children to see?

This variation also occurs in some early post-Broadway West End performances, and in the Complete Symphonic Soundtrack. I’d be interested to know whether or not that soundtrack may have inspired the choice during the UK a tour.

Interestingly, “Look Down” reverts an exchange back from the 1987 libretto into the original pre-Broadway version. Perhaps drawing from the West End show which was still using the original variant of this particular moment, the sequence officially sung by the ensemble as follows as follows:

When’s it gonna end

When’re we gonna live

Something’s gotta happen now or

Something’s gotta give

Because, as it was originally written, sung by one person at a time:

When’s it gonna end

When’re we gonna live

Something’s gotta happen, dearie

Something’s gotta give

My thoughts on the two variants can be seen in Part 3 of this blog.

Like the Australian tour, the UK tour has Thenardier say "God rewards all the things that you do" during "The Robbery" instead of "the good that you do".

Also, for some reason Thenardier refers to "the brand across his chest" instead of "upon his chest" later in the number.

The UK tour borrows the revised lyrics to “Stars” from the Australian tour and the West End production. Instead of the original lyrics:

A fugitive running

Fallen from grace, fallen from grace

It used these ones:

A fugitive running

Fallen from God, fallen from grace

Instead of these lines:

He knows his way in the dark

But mine is the way of the Lord

And those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward

It uses the shortened variants:

He knows his way in the dark

Mine is the way of the Lord

Those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward

Finally, instead of these lines:

And so it has been

And so it is written

It used these ones:

And so it must be

And so it has written

You can read my thoughts on all those differences in Part 4 of this blog.

The next noticeable difference occurs at the beginning of “Red and Black”. Previously the song opened with the beginning chords. However, the UK tour added a short musical sting before these chords. If I’m not mistaken, this musical addition was placed in to account for a change in staging. Originally the number began with the barricade set sliding off-stage, revealing the ABC cafe set behind it. However, around the time of this tour the blocking was adjusted. Now, the turntable instead revolved at the beginning of this number, revealing the ABC cafe set on the other end of the turntable and allowing the barricade set to double as the walls of the cafe. I believe the opening sting was added to allow time for this slightly more elaborate staging.

Additionally, as was the case in the West End at the time, no one shouts Enjolras' name during the instrumentals to "Red and Black".

In “Red and Black”, Enjolras usually sings:

We need a sign

To rally the people, to call them to arms

To bring them in line

However, the UK tour replaces it with the following lines:

We need a sign

To rally the people, to fire their blood

And to bring them in line

I guess “fire their blood” has a certain idealistic flair that fits Enjolras’ character, but I still definitely prefer the usual lyric. It conveys the message a lot more directly.

After the number, this is Enjolras’ original remark regarding General Lamarque’s passing:

On his funeral day they will honor his name

It’s a rallying cry that will reach every ear

In the death of Lamarque we will kindle the flame

They will see that the day of salvation is near

The time is here…

The UK tour rewrites those lines into the following:

On his funeral day they will honor his name

With the light of rebellion ablaze in their eyes

From their candles of grief we will kindle our flame

On the tomb of Lamarque shall our barricades rise

The time is here…

Though there’s a bit less rhyming in the revision, it strikes me as somewhat nicer and less clunky-sounding. The sentences’ subjects no longer feel all over the place, and the phrasing is far more poetic.

As with “Look Down”, some lyrics to “The Attack on Rue Plumet” are reverted to their original form (which was also still used in the West End at the time). Thenardier’s official lyrics following Eponine’s scream were as follows:

You wait my girl, you’ll rue this night

I’ll make you scream, you’ll scream alright!

Leave her to me, don’t wait around

Make for the sewers, go underground

The UK tour brought them back to this form:

Make for the sewers, don’t wait around

Leave her to me, go underground

You wait my girl, you’ll rue this night

I’ll make you scream, you’ll scream alright!

You can read my thoughts on these variants in Part 3 of this blog.

As with the Australian tour, Philip Quast changes “we’ll be ready for these schoolboys” into “I will join these little schoolboys” in “One Day More”. Unlike the Australian tour, the UK tour would maintain this variant even after Philip left. You can read my thoughts on this variant in Part 4 of this blog.

That’s it for the first act! The first noticeable difference occurs right before “A Little Fall of Rain”. Instead of opening with the beginning music, the UK tour added a short musical interlude beforehand. In my opinion, this music sounds terrible and feels extremely out-of-place. I wonder whether or not there was some change in staging to account for these extra notes.

After Enjolras' "Night of Anguish", the instrumental music is edited. Originally the number was followed by the same tune which would later be heard in "Drink with Me". However, the UK tour replaced it with a reprise of the tune of "A Little Fall of Rain". This is one of my least favorite edits for the tour. The original music felt highly emotional, and, since it predicted a later number, it implies the sense that, despite Eponine's death, there is more to come and the revolution is far from over. I'd argue that simply reprising a song that just happened suggests a degree of closure that is not appropriate for its context.

Everything is as usual right up until the epilogue. As with the Australian tour, the UK tour uses the “I’ll lead you to salvation” line instead of “And lead me to salvation” for Fantine and Eponine. You can read my thoughts on that change in Part 4 of this blog.

That’s it for this part! If I missed anything feel free to let me know, as my goal is to create a changelog as thorough and complete as possible. I plan on making more parts in the near future covering all the changes that have been made in the show up until this day (discounting concerts). Any feedback and constructive criticism is very much appreciated. As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what’s commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, I’d love it if you DMed me! Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye…

[shewhospeakswiththunder]

Perhaps you’re feeling bored at home or, if considered an “essential” worker like me, you need a little fun and stress relief. Here is my masterpost of fic recs from my two years of reading so far. Maybe you’ll find something new, or reconnect with an old favorite. Either way--

Enjoy! 😷💕

Reylo Fics that Deserve All the Love

Near Kinsman by englishable

Englishable is just one of the best writers I’ve encountered in fandom. This historical western mail order bride AU is top notch quality.

The Masochism of Self-Defence by greyorchids

The Reylo dynamic in this Boston PD AU is steamy, but also heartfelt. 

So Much Thin Glass by walkingsaladshooter

Never knew I loved modern day Gothic AUs until I ran across this one.

Heaven Forbid by��DarkKnightDarkSide

I was stunned by the author’s creativity in this Priestlo fic. So smutty. So... inventive 😉🔥

Sonder by deathbyhumidity

Two strangers passing each other by on the train. Soft, dreamlike, somber, poignant. Modern AU.

And Still I Would Remember by Inmyownidiom

A Victorian era AU of two souls that parted and come crashing back together.

So, You've Decided to Glamour a Human Girl. by selunchen

Faeries AU! Ben, a fae, and Rey, a human. Shenanigans ensue.

Live Long, and Prosper by SaintHeretical

For the Reylo Trekkies. Hell, even if you don't do Star Trek, read this. PHENOMENAL.

Mr. Solo & Miss Wellfound by LinearA

“Regency/Victorian AU, Ben sees Rey's stockinged ankle by accident.”

Diyari by Nervoustouch

Modern archeologists AU. Snarky banter with dashes of Indiana Jones, The Mummy, and Sahara vibes.

Drawn to the light of your burning sorrows by Kyriadamorte

The Mothlo AU you didn’t know you needed. Both gritty and soft.

Crown Glass by RebelRebel

Fantasy AU, with lots of beautiful imagery and engaging character dynamics.

Kohelet 3:16 (Call Me A Cab) by LinearA

NYC Jewish Leia and Ben. Skillfully layered plot, nuanced characterization. Smut is HOT.

By the Shores of Varykino Lake by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen)

Unhealthy dynamics, definitely read the tags. “There’s a lot of fucked-up-ness”, in the author’s own words. But it’s good writing. Fair warning.

Let Me Put My Darkness In You by ArdeaJestin

Canonverse. Hux is an insufferable, pompous ass and Kylo Ren writes terrible, melodramatic poetry.

Wintertide by Zabeta

Whimsical and primitive in turn, this lives up to the style of a true fairytale AU.

The Forty Thieves by PoetHrotsvitha

Peaky Blinders/Gangsters AU. Rey starts as Ben’s bartender and ends up as so much more.

I Said to My Soul, Be Still by LinearA

Dark!Rey takes her man. 🥵🔥💕

Hux's Rousing Pep Talks by Riels_shorts

This fic is hysterical. It’s not Reylo, and I don’t care. My list, my rules.

It's All I Can Do To Leave You Alone by TazWren

Office AU. Silly, spunky, with a bashful Ben. 

Sip the Honey Sweet by dietplainlite

Anne of Green Gables-esque/Edwardian era AU, the title really says it all.

The Pull to the Light by HarpiaHarpyja

Entrancingly macabre. This modern/fantasy/monsters AU catches your attention from the get-go, and never lets you off the hook.

lay then the axe to the root by sciosophia

All the Bronte goodness, plus smut.

The Golden Age by TourmalineGreen

Golden Age of Hollywood AU in which Ben is a jaded actor in serious need of an image fix, in the form of fresh-faced actress Rey.

Never Be Your Curse by Kate_Reid 

Kylo Ren is a go-go dancer in this AU. That was enough to get my attention 😘

Gallows God by Killtheselights

Bursting with deliciously grim imagery, an intelligent take on Norse mythology.

Thunderstorms, Clouds, Snow, and a Slight Drizzle by aNerdObsessed

Who doesn’t love an ugly sweater Christmas party? Ben Solo, that’s who. All the nostalgic wintertime feels in this modern AU.

Though My Soul Has Set in Darkness by englishable

It’s not long, but it’s good. A lyrical dive into the mindspace of child Ben Solo. A true gem. Also not technically Reylo. Still don’t care.

I Dare You by tinylittlebrain

Daredevil Kylo has pissed off ER doc Rey Kenobi for the last time. Spicy!

stuck in colder weather by redbelles

Professor Ren stops grad student Rey from biking home in a snow storm. And takes her to his home. You can guess where this goes 😉

Between Sky and Sea by nessalk

Serious Indiana Jones vibes with a Caribbean flair. Painstakingly researched, and moments of true beauty and joy.

But Before Tomorrow by Kate_Reid

Such good writing. Canonverse.

The Sword of Prince Hector by englishable

Exploration of what redemption might feel like for Ben, canonverse. 

if compassion be the breath of life, breathe on me by Victoryindeath2

All the angst and unknowns that we were left with in the wake of TLJ are soothed in this canonverse piece.

build a ladder to the stars by redbelles

An exploration of events post-Crait. Fantastic, beautifully written.

nor are we forgiven (which brings us back) by TolkienGirl

Both Kylo and Rey get to see what life would have been like if they both got exactly what they thought they wanted after TLJ. Fascinating read. 

Forsworn by Erulisse17

This Mando/ST crossover has everything you could want--action, witty banter, space romance! So much fun!

Reylo Favorites & Classics

One Shots

59 Minutes by delia-pavorum (literaryminded)

For Science by KyloTrashForever, ohwise1ne

He Made It Through the Wilderness (somehow he made it through) by LovesBitca8

light carries on endlessly by lachesisgrimm (olga_theodora)

Grey by ocjones

The Idiot's Guide to Flirting by Violetwilson

High School/College AU

I Caught Fire by KyloTrashForever

Mountain Springs High School by animal

Epithumia by pontmercy44

Soul Searching by OptimisticBeth

Office/Workplace AU

Sensual Storytime by andabatae

The Food of Love by LovesBitca8

Historical/Dystopia AU

Hiraeth by Ferasha

a manner of virtue by neonheartbeat

The lamb's thirst by animal

Wanted by Inmyownidiom

She Who Would be Queen by sasstasticmad

go i know not whither and fetch i know not what by voicedimplosives

ABO

Knot My First Time by KyloTrashForever

Canonverse/Canon-divergent

variations on a theme of you by diasterisms (Reydar)

i will be the wolf by diasterisms

Sky Marked Souls by AnonymousMink

The Death of Kylo Ren by nymja

World In My Eyes by sasstasticmad

i'm always in this twilight (in the shadow of your heart) by diasterisms

Catch Me I’m Falling by violethoure666

Sword of the Jedi by diasterisms

You'll Be the One to Turn by postedbygaslight

Dark Crown by Violetwilson

Harry Potter AU

Nocturnal Studies And Other Peculiar Magic by WaterlilyRose

Otherwise Modern AU

Pretense by Celia_and

Insta-heart by slipgoingunder

Serotonin and Dopamine by pontmercy44

The Elusive Mating Dance of the Porgus Adorabilis by andabatae

Hanging by a Moment by crossingwinter

WAR DOGS by fulcrumstardust

miles from where you are by Mooncactus

Charcoal by luvkurai

Stay by jeeno2

coarse and rough and irritating by frak-all (or_ryn)

Blades Crossed by the-reylo-void (Anysia)

Embers by sciosophia

Mitan, Midi by animal

Janus by englishable

Say My Name by Graendoll

Thank You for The Music by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen)

darling, so it goes by akosmia

This is the Sign You've Been Looking For by RebelRebel

Broken Things by midnightbluefox

One-Night Stand by delia-pavorum (literaryminded)

The Rebel Side of Heaven by jeeno2

On The Bumpy Road (To Love) by violethoure666

we could plant a house, we could build a tree by Like_A_Dove

I’d Like My Obituary to Hint at a Sequel by Violetwilson

Only If You Want To by Violetwilson

Not Reylo, Still Awesome

Gingerflower/Gingerrose, Armitage Hux/Rose Tico 

Between Sand and Sea by Brit Hux-Tico (birchwoods01)

If Ever I Would Leave You by Weddersins

Her Yellow Rainboots by Weddersins

Merrical, Cal Kestis/Merrin (Jedi: Fallen Order)

The Stars Alight by FlyingMachine

Heavy Ice by FlyingMachine

Caltrilla, Cal Kestis/Trilla Suduri (Jedi: Fallen Order)

No One Else by xanderwilde

call it what you want by xanderwilde

tear you to pieces by xanderwilde

Dramione, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter Universe)

Now Is A Gift by SenLinYu

Sex and Occlumency by Graendoll

Zutara, Katara/Zuko (Avatar: the Last Airbender)

oracle bones by an orphaned account

Fics by Me

Virtue Ethics

Reylo College AU (completed)

Dr. Ben Solo, adjunct philosophy professor and part-time martial arts instructor, discovers a young woman in his Intro to Philosophy course whom he thinks may not actually be enrolled at the University.

Chiasmus

Reylo Role-reversal canonverse AU (WIP)

Scourge of the galaxy, Kira Ren, is tasked by the First Order to eliminate the last of the Jedi. When she captures hotshot podracer Ben Solo to extract Luke Skywalker’s location from him, things do not go according to plan. 

This Dance of Light, This Sacred Blessing

Snapshots of a modern Reylo AU. Smutty, prosey one-shot.

Listen Up, Kid

Canonverse Reylo Post TLJ one-shot

The ghosts of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren's past are back to haunt him with a vengeance. A well-meaning, familial kind of vengeance. Or, A Star Wars Carol.

Ben’s Body

Reylo Modern AU (completed)

Rey is an up and coming sculptor specialising in human shape and form. Her new next door neighbour has a body to die for and she's determined to preserve it in marble forever. Now she just has to convince dashing and reclusive Ben to model for her. Preferably naked.

Growin’ Up

Reylo High School AU (completed)

Ben Solo was supposed to only be ruining his own life with his bad decisions. Rey Niima was just trying to pay attention in class. Both get stuck in detention.

Seven Texts, 2 AM

Reylo Modern AU, smutty one-shot

Ben has good reasons not to have sex with his neighbor, Rey. She has other ideas.

Song of the Forest

Reylo Fantasy/BatB/Fairytale AU (completed)

Once upon a time, a girl with an unknown past appeared on the doorsteps of a lord’s manor, and now the forest at the edge of the lord’s property is calling to her.

A Season of Frost & Warmth

Modern Reylo P&P AU (completed)

When Ben shows up to a Halloween party with no costume, it only confirms Rey’s certainty that he is the world’s biggest jerk. Until it comes to light that maybe... he isn’t. 

Follow Me Home

Modern Werewolf Reylo AU (completed)

Rey gets stone drunk and brings home a big cute husky she found in an alley. The next morning, she finds a naked man built like a fridge sleeping on her living room floor, and no dog in sight.

The Gentleness That Comes

Reylo Modern AU one-shot

Underground boxer!Ben is resigned to his life of violence, until he meets a pretty new bartender one night.

Unlikely, Unbidden, Unbound

Gingerflower canonverse AU (WIP)

General Hux is imprisoned by the Resistance when the First Order falls. He had known his death was coming, it was simply a matter of course. He’s disappointed to learn the Resistance has other plans, and an unwavering policy of giving people second chances.

@thereylowritingden @reylofic @nancylovesreylo @grlie-girl @lilia-ula @greyforceuser @tazwren @mhcalamas