#as cringe as one could expect from 20 year old me

[sparklespeckles]

Had a bit of a trip down memory lane for the past 4 hours. Instead of sleeping, I decided to log into my old tumblr.

[penkura]

where you belong [1/10]

Summary: As Luffy's big sister, you've viewed it to be your job to see him become King of the Pirates in place of your absent parents, even as you try to find where it is you belong in the world. You never really expected to draw the attention of Trafalgar Law in the process.

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x Fem!reader

Warnings: Discussion of feelings of abandonment, age gap relationship (four years), brief secret relationship, mentions and heavy refences to sex, mentions of alcohol, typical One Piece stuff. Other warnings to be added if needed.

Notes: Hi, it's me again! Another fanfic here for you all! When this goes up, I'll be on my last day of vacation before I fly home, so I hope that you'll enjoy this! I know Straw Hat Reader x Law is popular, and I wanted to write my own, but with the Reader being Luffy's biological older sister. So for this, Reader is three years older than Luffy, 20 at the start and 22 after the timeskip, making Law four years older. I personally like older men, and age gap fics are just delicious reading material for me (within reason, nothing illegal).

Note 2: This is NOT the Law with vitiligo series. That one is actively being planned but will be separate from this one.

“And I’m gonna be King of the Pirates!!”

Luffy standing your tiny dingy boat worries you a little, but you still grin at him and nod.

“Hell yeah you will be!”

“Your turn! What’re you gonna do while we sail??”

Rolling your eyes, you make Luffy sit down while you stand up.

“Easy. I’m gonna chronicle your journey and write the greatest story ever told!”

Your younger brother watches you, tilting his head when you don’t continue. He believes there has to be more you want out of life, and tries to make you say what else is in your plans, what you have on your mind.

“And?”

Taking a breath, you nod. Of course he knew you had more, it’s Luffy, he’s been by your since he was just a few weeks old. Things you’ve said over time, to him and Ace, they’d both known for a long time what you’ve always wanted to find once you went out to sea.

“And find where it is I belong.”

+!+

Your arrival in Sabaody was a trip, in more than one way. You'd been excited to explore the place, hoping you could pawn your younger brother off on Camie, Pappag, and the others so you could have some time on your own to shop the stalls, maybe with Nami and Robin, turn it into a girl’s day. Of course, though, nothing could be so easy when your brother is the captain of the Straw Hats. You all find yourselves at the human auction hall, Nami willing to spend all the money possible to save Camie, but it makes you itchy while being there. You cringe to think about the things that happened in this place, how many people had been sold to Celestial Dragons. Your and Luffy's loss of Sabo due to the actions of one had severely soured your opinions on them.

You scan the crowd in the auction house, scratching at your arms which never seem to calm down while the rest of your crew discusses their plan to save Camie, and you end up locking eyes with another pirate captain there, unknown to you at that moment but somehow familiar.

A furry white, spotted hat, dark hair you can barely see, oddly enough you think his facial hair is attractive, and those yellow eyes that you almost would believe see right through you.

Trafalgar Law simply stares at you, realizing you’re a Straw Hat when he recognizes the rest of your crewmates. After a moment of fidgeting slightly you give him a nervous smile and a wave, which he returns with a nod before turning back to the auction stage as they continue to call bids on people.

Weird girl.

Strange guy.

Although she’s busy watching for Camie to be brought out, Nami still leans into you when you pull on her sleeve and start to whisper. “You see that guy in the white spotted hat?”

“What about him?”

“I think he’s Trafalgar Law, captain of the Heart Pirates. He’s more attractive than his poster makes him.”

Rolling her eyes, Nami pulls her arm away from you. “I don’t have time for you to be horny about some guy.”

“Wha—Nami!! I’m not! I’m just saying.”

She doesn’t listen to you anymore, focusing back on waiting for Camie and sending you to watch for Luffy, just so you don’t get distracted by the attractive enemy captain and defect to another crew.

You swear you never will, but do as you’re told to watch for your brother. Maybe one day you’ll get to properly meet Law, you’re quite curious about the young man.

+!+

“Another one?! Are you kidding me, Dragon?!”

You’re three years old when you wake up to your grandfather yelling at someone in the middle of the night. Normally Garp is sure to keep things quiet so you, his sweet little princess angel granddaughter, can sleep peacefully. He’d leave early in the morning once your nanny showed up for the day, returning before dinner so he had the evenings with you before you had to be off to bed, to do the day over again the next morning. It’s rare for you to stay up late or wake up early, but the few mornings you’ve woken up before he left were some of Garp’s favorites.

You quietly slip out of your bed, blanket in your hand as you rub your eyes and go to the door, opening it just enough to see what’s happening. Garp is there with someone in a green cloak, you can’t see the other person’s face, but listen anyway.

“He’s the last one, there won’t be anymore.”

“You said [Y/N] was going to be the only one!”

“Things happened.”

“Obviously something happened, babies don’t appear out of thin air!’

You tilt your head, the man in the cloak catching your eye, which makes you shy away behind your doorway, glancing away before back to him as he looks to Garp again.

“Take care of them.” He goes to leave and is gone before Garp can even stop him.

“Dragon, wait--! That…damn idiot.”

“Grandpa?”

Garp is surprised to hear your voice, turning around once he closes the door, giving you a smile while you start to focus on the bundle he's holding.

“Hey there, princess, what are you doing up?”

“I heard yelling…”

Nodding, Garp apologizes as he picks you up, letting you settle on his free arm. “Sorry about that, angel. Just… an unexpected visitor.”

“Oh…”

Garp sees you staring more at the bundle of blankets in his arm than at him, and he sighs a bit, taking you to the living room and setting you on the couch, before showing you how to position your arms as he sets the now squirming bundle in your arms.

“[Y/N], this is your baby brother. His name is Luffy.”

How unexpected! You’ve never thought about having a sibling, just enjoying your childhood and life with your grandpa, but seeing this tiny little boy in your just as small arms makes you grin while you look at him. Dark black hair and just as dark eyes, scrunched up little face and tiny hands in fists while he starts to fuss and whine.

“Luffy…”

+!+

Luffy…

You hope your prayers aren’t going unheard, that Luffy will return to you safely. Ace’s death has long passed, but you’re more worried about your little brother than anything else right now. You’d both been sent off to Amazon Lily by Kuma, but after they’d all agreed to let you both stay, and Boa Hancock seems to have fallen in love with him, Luffy left you there to go rescue Ace, that was nearly three weeks ago now, you think. You want him back, both of them, but want to see Luffy more than anyone else.

“Luffy’s returned, [Y/N]-san!”

“He has?!”

Marguerite nods and you quickly get up from your seat and run after her to wherever Luffy is. The newspapers kept implying he was dead, you were terrified you’d lost him and Ace that day, no updates from anyone apart from the papers cheering for the Navy’s alleged victory, for the deaths of Ace and Whitebeard. The Amazons, all so kind to let you stay while Luffy went to try and rescue Ace, were unsure of how to help you the last two weeks once Ace’s vivre card burned to nothing in your hands and made you nearly inconsolable.

Despite that, your prayers hadn’t gone unheard.

Once you’re at the beach that Luffy should be at, you notice immediately the big yellow submarine with the word DEATH on it and it freaks you out more than anything. You don’t know who owns it, but when you catch sight of someone you’ve only seen in person once, you worry that he’s done something to Luffy. You don’t say a word, but someone in a jumpsuit (boiler suit you think?) calls out “captain” just in time for him to turn towards you as you shove the older boy to the ground, placing yourself on top of him and your knife to his neck.

Part of you wishes it was poisoned right now, just in case this Trafalgar Law has done something to your brother.

“Where’s Luffy?!”

The knife you have at his neck doesn’t phase Law even a tiny bit, it’s the fact that someone so much shorter and smaller than him was able to catch him off guard and shove him to the ground the way you did. You’re angry for some reason, giving him a nasty glare but look like you’re about to cry on top of it, as he just stares at you, his crewmembers shouting for you to get off their captain before he raises a hand to stop them.

“Who—”

“Tell me, where is my brother?!”

Oh so that’s what’s wrong, that’s who you are. Whether you’re related to Luffy by blood or by ritual cup like Ace was, Law doesn’t know, but he’s sure you want reassurance you haven’t lost two brothers in one day.

“Are you [Y/N]?”

You turn your head to look over your shoulder at Jinbei, still glaring. “Who’s asking?!”

“I was friends with your brother Ace, he told me about you and Luffy while we were in Impel Down.”

“He…did?”

You’ve calmed down so quickly hearing Ace’s name, retracting your knife just slightly, while Jinbei explains things to you. You don’t move off of Law though, listening quietly, fighting the desire to cry more. You’ve done enough of that, you don’t want to anymore today.

Law doesn’t even try to move you off, knowing, like Luffy, you’re emotionally hurting right now. He doesn’t want to risk you slicing his neck either, even as Jinbei finishes telling you everything Ace did, and you still don’t move or look at Law.

“Ace hopes you find what you’re looking for.”

You clench your jaw a bit at first, before smiling sadly and nodding, thanking Jinbei for the information before Law speaks up.

“If you get off me, I can take you to Straw Hat-ya.” 

You blink, finally looking back to Law, and you feel your face burn with a blush when you realize your position and scramble to get off him, apologizing the whole way while he shakes his head. Once he’s on his feet, Law let’s you onto the Polar Tang and leads you down the hallway to the infirmary, updating you on Luffy’s condition the best he can with the knowledge he has.

“If he pulls through this, the most you’ll have to worry about is his mental health.”

“Mm.” You nod, grabbing Law’s arm as he stops to open a door, making him look back at you. “I apologize for shoving you down.”

“I’ve been through worse,” Law shrugs, you could tell just from looking at him, though he does smirk a bit at you, “Never had a girl push me down and hold a poisoned knife to my neck before though.”

“It wasn’t poisoned,” you almost shout, but keep your voice down to not wake Luffy, “…this time…”

He almost laughs, but when you see Luffy finally, you’re instantly but his side, taking his hand and trying to keep yourself from crying seeing him in such a state. He’d been injured badly before, but never like this, never this close to death.

“Luffy…oh Luffy, I’m here, Lu,” you brush his bangs away from his face before kissing his forehead, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, I should’ve come with you…”

Law doesn’t bother you for the next several minutes, stepping out so you have some privacy while you make sure Luffy is all right, your quiet prayers that he wakes soon and heals quickly don’t go unheard by the surgeon of death, who thinks back to his own sister and the prayers he’d once prayed for her health as a child.

As an older sibling, he gets it. While he still doesn’t know yet if you’re related by blood or sworn siblings, he does see how much you care for Luffy, and for your sake he hopes your captain wakes sooner rather than later.

+!+

You spend the next two weeks in and out of the Polar Tang, checking on Luffy and praying over him to wake soon, Law being the one to take you in and lead you back out most of the time, even though you’ve memorized the path already. The next time you leave Luffy to continue recovering, the friends you and Luffy have made from Amazon Lily have shown up in the time you’ve been with him, bringing food and drinks for you all. As you walk over to where he’s seated, Law offers you a drink that you reject with a shake of your head, sitting on the other side of the tree and bringing your knees up to your chest, hiding your face in them.

“Any signs he’s waking up?”

Shaking your head, you sigh and lean back, looking at the people around to distract yourself from worrying over Luffy.

“That your crew?”

“Yep. All twenty of them.”

You smile a bit, watching the Heart Pirates goof off while some have their meal and share drinks. It almost reminds you of the Straw Hats and makes your heart ache from missing them deeply.

“You have a nice group there.”

“They can be a handful.”

It makes you laugh a bit, nodding before you decide to stop wallowing and get back up, standing beside Law where he stays seated.

“Think you should hold this for now.”

Law tosses Luffy’s straw hat to you, and you grit your teeth a bit while you stare at it. You had wondered where it was, seeing it wasn’t around when you were with Luffy. You hold nothing but the highest regards for Shanks, he'd been an inspiration for you and Luffy when you were children, he helped end the war and helped Law save Luffy, but how you wish he’d shown up sooner. Maybe he could’ve helped Ace too.

“Thank you, for holding this.”

“Seems important to him, he’s not Straw Hat-ya without it.”

Smiling a bit, you nod. “He’s certainly not.”

“How do you—”

“I’m his big sister. I was three when our dad dropped him off with me and grandpa. We’ve been together almost every day since.”

“I see.”

You’re not entirely sure you trust Law, despite his saving Luffy, but you’re willing to give him a shot. At least let him know a bit about your history with Ace too, since he'd been there when you hadn’t been. Where Luffy asked you not to go.

“We met Ace and another boy when I was ten, and become sworn siblings with them soon after. The other boy died a few months later,” you grip the straw hat a bit tighter, but loosen your hold after being stabbed in the hand by sharp bits of straw, “a Celestial Dragon did it, we’ve not been fans of them since, so Luffy punching that one in Sabaody felt like some payback.”

“That makes sense.”

After a few minutes of silence, you finally realize something and turn to Law, sticking your hand out for him.

“Never introduced myself. Monkey D. [Y/N]. I don’t really use my last name though.”

Law takes your hand after a moment, nodding. “Trafalgar Law.”

“Thank you for saving my baby brother.”

“Don’t thank me until he wakes up.”

As if almost on cue, the door comes flying off the Polar Tang and you both whip your heads over, Law running ahead of you as you follow, and Luffy’s the next thing to almost fly out of the ship.

“Luffy!!”

You’re about to run to him before Law grabs hold of your arm, pulling you to himself and holding you still, even while you thrash around and listen to Luffy call for Ace. It breaks your heart to see him so upset, and you just want to console him, have him do the same for you, while you both continue to grieve for Ace. But Law won’t let you go to him, fear or concern your brother might hurt you while he fights through pain and raging emotions, before he disappears into the forest.

“Luffy, come back!!”

You barely register Jinbei asking what’ll happen if Luffy continues to flail and run off like that, before Law speaks and your heart almost drops to your stomach at the thought.

“If he continues to move around like that he could reopen his wound and bleed out. He’ll die.”

Quickly you turn around and Law isn’t at all shocked to see the tears welling up in your eyes as you grip his shirt, still holding Luffy’s straw hat.

“Don’t let that happen!! Please!! He’s all I have! Luffy is my whole world, I can’t lose him!!”

Unsure of what to do, especially once you lay your head on his chest while you cry, Law hesitantly wraps his arms around you and watches Jinbei go off to Luffy. Maybe he’ll be able to calm your brother down before he really hurts or kills himself.

You’ve both been through a lot the last few weeks, losing Luffy would break you more than losing Ace did to him.

+!+

“I’m sorry I got snot on your shirt.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll wash.”

You glance away and keep your eyes averted while Law changes shirts, having taken you onto the Polar Tang while Jinbei attempts to calm Luffy down. He didn’t fully mean to bring you into his room, but he never let go of your wrist while he led through the ship, making you sit down to hopefully calm you down. You do catch sight of his tattoos, wanting to say something but you don’t want to sound like a creep or a pervert at the same time.

“Why don’t you use your last name?”

Law surprises you once he’s changed shirts, this one almost the same as the yellow one he’d been wearing, but now a dark blue with a furry, feathery collar that you really want to pet, it looks soft. But again, you don’t want to seem like a creep.

For a moment you’re quiet, before you cross your arms and lean against the wall, shrugging.

“Why should I use the name of someone who abandoned me? I only have one memory of my father, and it was when he dropped off Luffy.”

“Your grandfather is Garp, isn’t he?”

“I love my grandpa like he’s my dad…but I don’t want to use my last name.”

Law nods a bit, seeming to understand. You felt abandoned, and wanted nothing to do with your biological father, instead viewing Garp in that light, which makes sense.

He'd viewed Corazon in the same light at one point.

“Your mother?”

“I know nothing about her. It’s like…” You start to bury your head in your knees again, almost digging your nails into your arms, “Like I don’t know who I am half the time…”

He gets that too, the same feelings after Flevance, after losing Corazon and leaving the Don Quixote family, leaving Doflamingo behind. Many times of looking in the mirror and asking “who the hell am I”.

Law is about to respond, before one of his crewmembers yells for you both that Luffy and Jinbei have returned to the beach, and you’re out the door so fast he isn’t able to believe it. He follows you out, not all surprised to see you and Luffy hugging each other tightly once he exits his ship.

Your bond with Luffy would be on full display the next few days, Law truthfully does wonder if he and Lammy would’ve been the same.

+!+

“I met some people who are friends with our dad.”

“You what?”

Luffy nods, giving you this information during dinner one evening, while you stare at him with such a blank look that Law thinks you’ve completely shut down. You didn’t say too much about your dad while you relayed some of your childhood to him earlier that day, apart from your perceived abandonment, but the look you have isn’t a very happy one.

“They’re were some cool people! They helped me escape that prison and…tried to help me save Ace.”

“So they were revolutionaries.”

“Yeah, they…they said they didn’t even know we existed.” Luffy scrunches up his face a bit while you frown, then pat his head.

“I’m not surprised, Lu.”

Luffy makes a face now, one that’s almost disgusted but annoyed but upset maybe. Law swears he isn’t trying to eavesdrop, you two are sitting too close to him anyway, you’re practically pressed up against his side. You both appear to have problems with your father, after the little bit you’ve told him and how you confessed to feeling abandoned by your parents. He wonders briefly is Luffy feels the same, even as your younger brother leans against you, pushing you fully into Law’s arm and making you glance up at him apologetically. He doesn’t move, once again doesn’t push you off, instead shifting his arm enough for you to be comfortable.

When Luffy falls asleep, you finally speak again.

“Luffy met our dad once, in Loguetown”

“Oh yeah?”

“Neither of us knew until grandpa told us…he didn’t even stop to say anything to me…”

“…I’m sorry.”

You shrug, watching Luffy. It still stung to know that, to know that Dragon didn’t even seek you out when he must’ve known you were on Luffy’s crew, that you’d never leave him to do this alone. When Garp told you he’d been in Loguetown that day, it felt like a knife in your heart that you didn’t even get to see or speak to your father.

Law, while he watches you start to drift off to sleep yourself, thinks about his own dad and Corazon at the same time. He had two fathers in the end, who both cared about and loved him deeply, both wanting to protect him as long as they could. He had his mother and Lammy too, you had Luffy and Garp, but it wasn’t enough for you, and it makes sense. To not have that connection with the people who gave you life, Law can’t even imagine how difficult that must be.

He ignores the slight snickers and comments from his crew when they see you leaned against him, even has he slightly tilts his head towards yours, not going all the way to lay his against your own. Even when Shachi makes a small comment about ‘love’ being in the air at Amazon Lily, Law doesn’t open his eyes to respond or even Shambles his friend away.

You won’t see each other again for a long time after this, most likely, so he’s willing to give you some comfort and allow his crew to see him a little softer than normal.

+!+

“Bye, thanks for your help, Traffy!”

Law tries not to grimace at the nickname Luffy’s given him over the last few days, nodding to you both as his crew also shouts goodbyes and wave to you both, you personally sad to see them leave. You’d spent so much time getting to know them while taking care of Luffy, that it felt like you were losing friends again. You’d probably see them one day, maybe as friends but maybe as foes, yet, you’d like to see more of Law and learn about him like he had you.

Luffy notices your face, the sad look it has, then looks back to the Heart Pirates as they start to disappear below deck. You’ve already chosen to stay on Amazon Lily the next two years and learn from the women there how to fight, but even watching you the last couple days, he could see your heart wasn’t in it. You more so loved using your knives and making poisons, he remembers the one he and Ace mistakenly drank thinking it was lavender tea from Makino. You weren’t an archer or a swordswoman, you much prefer close combat and paralyzing your enemies. Your work during Enies Lobby earned you your $25 million berri bounty, the Navy having trouble recreating antidotes from the one you’d left with a knocked out marine, they knew you’d be trouble one day.

With all that in mind, Luffy sneaks up behind you, wrapping his arms around you in what you first believe to be a hug, before he lifts you up and you look at him. He’s got a grin that concerns you greatly as the color drains from your face.

“Luffy.”

He giggles a bit, nodding at you to brace yourself.

“Luffy, don’t you dare.”

“Have fun with Traffy for two years!!!”

He doesn’t give you anymore room to argue, flinging you towards the Polar Tang, making you yell for Law to pay attention, and he barely does in time to catch you, knocking both of you to the ground, several Heart Pirates making sure both of you are all right and that Law didn’t hit his head on anything.

You’re up and holding onto the railing, yelling at Luffy, “You’re an idiot!!!”

He pretends he can’t hear you, waving widely and shouting another goodbye, but to you this time.

Once Law is sitting up, realizing what the hell has happened, he sighs a bit while you look back to him.

“I’m sorry, Trafalgar. You can turn back and I’ll beat some sense into him!”

One of his crewmembers, you’re pretty sure it’s Shachi, leans down to ask him, “Should we? Kinda seems like Straw Hat wants us to take her along.”

He sighs, taking his hat off and running his hand through his hair, shaking his head.

“You can stay.”

“…huh?”

You tilt your head in confusion, Law doesn’t think it’s cute at all no matter what that weird feeling in his chest is, while he stands up and nods at you.

“The Amazons might get angry if we return without permission, so we’ll just…take you along…and then bring you to Sabaody.”

Blinking several times, you’re still confused while some of his crew laugh, Penguin coming up to pat you on the back.

“You’re a temporary Heart Pirate! We’ll take care of you!”

Nodding, Law turns to go below deck.

“Say your goodbye, we’ll be going under shortly.”

While the rest of them follow after their captain, you turn back and see Luffy still waving at you, which makes you sigh and shake your head. You do smile though, you had wanted to continue getting to know Law and his crew, this was a perfect opportunity, and maybe he could help you with creating effective antidotes for your poisons.

“Luffy! Love you, see you in two years!”

“Okay!!!!”

Once you go below deck, Penguin being the one to wait for you in order to close the door properly, he starts to show you around a bit, the rest of the crew happy to see you’re staying with them for now, while Law keeps a slight distance unless he’s asked about something. You looking around and being so impressed by the submarine caused another weird feeling in his chest, and he fights to ignore it, especially when you thank him for letting you stay with a smile, which he waves off with an “It’s nothing”.

It's going to be an interesting two years.

[ironwoman359]

Sonata in Morning

Summary: it’s been weeks since Gotham City flooded, and Alfred has returned to Wayne Tower to continue recovering from his injuries. One morning over breakfast, Bruce opens up to Alfred about his feelings after nearly losing the man who raised him for 20 years.

Content: emotional hurt/comfort through the roof, with some mild suicide ideation. This is Battinson canon-compliant, taking place only a few weeks after the end of the movie.

Word count: 1,487

Check the reblogs for a link to read on AO3!

Authors notes at the end.

——————

“Alfred.”

Alfred looked up at the sound of Bruce’s voice. His young charge stood in the doorframe, his oversized t-shirt dwarfing his frame and bringing to mind the days when a child had refused to sleep in anything other than his father’s old clothes.

“Yes, Master Bruce?”

Bruce hesitated for a moment, then slowly came to join Alfred where he sat at the kitchen table. Alfred wordlessly poured Bruce a cup of coffee from the pot that sat waiting, and Bruce took it, his knuckles white as he gripped the mug.

“I…” he began, then paused, a slight crease forming on his forehead.

His shoulders were hunched, and he didn’t quite meet Alfred’s eyes as he spoke. Alfred was used to seeing Bruce clam up in this way, though it had been some time since he had been on the direct receiving end. Something was clearly bothering him; the question was what could it be?

It had been a stressful few weeks following the attack on the sea walls, but Gotham had reached a tentative equilibrium. Bruce still went on patrol most nights, though he also wore the cowl during the day now, helping civilians with transport, first aid, and evacuation.

Alfred himself had been one of the first evacuated from the city, along with the other patients at the hospital, but had come right back home to Wayne tower where he belonged as soon as he was discharged. He’d had to switch from using a cane to using a wheelchair, but his physical therapist said that it may only be a temporary measure. His daily exercises were already having a positive effect, though who knew if he’d ever be able to spar with Bruce again.

Alfred didn’t speak as all this ran through his mind, he merely gave Bruce the space to gather his thoughts. He’d learned a long time ago that there was no forcing anything out of the boy before he was ready, as much as he still found himself trying on hard days.

“I’m sorry, Alfred,” Bruce finally said, and Alfred blinked.

Of all the potential things that could have come out of Bruce’s mouth, that was one he’d not expected.

“Whatever for, Master Bruce?” he asked, and Bruce grimaced, cringing further in on himself.

“These past few years, I’ve been so…focused. Devoted entirely to this cause, this idea that if I just fight hard enough…” he shook his head. “I let vengeance become the only thing that mattered to me. And I didn’t think…I wasn’t allowing myself to think of anything else.”

His grip tightened on the mug of coffee, and Alfred could hear the lump in his throat when he spoke.

“Or anyone else.”

He looked up then, and as their eyes met, Alfred was shocked to see that Bruce’s were glassy with unshed tears.

“I almost lost you, and I couldn’t…I couldn’t bear that,” he whispered.

The words were like a lance through Alfred’s heart, but he forced himself to smile encouragingly.

“You can’t lose me that easily, Master Bruce,” he said, but Bruce shook his head.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you,” he reiterated. “But I wasn’t thinking about how…how every night, for the past two years, I was forcing you to go through the same thing.”

Alfred had taken more than his fair share of punches over his lifetime. In recent years many of them had been from Bruce himself, as the two trained and sparred together. But if you asked him in that exact moment, he’d be hard pressed to recall a time when the wind had been so completely knocked out of him.

“I didn’t care about what happened to me,” Bruce continued, looking down again. His words came out in a rush, as though now that he’d started speaking, he wasn’t able to stop himself. “Not just my name, or my money, or the company, me. And if I’m honest…I think a part of me still doesn’t. I…I’m not sure I know any other way to be.”

“Bruce…” Alfred said, tears of his own welling in his eyes.

“But that kind of thinking wasn’t fair to you,” Bruce continued. “It shouldn’t have taken…all of this, for me to see just how much I must have worried you. And I’m sorry that I let you down.”

“Oh, Bruce,” Alfred said, leaning forward. “I won’t lie and say I haven’t worried…that I haven’t been scared to death some nights that you wouldn’t come home, that they’d find you bleeding in some alley in the morning. But you haven’t let me down. You’ve stood up every single night and fought for what you believe is right, and so many people owe you their lives. How could I be anything but proud of you?”

Bruce didn’t answer, and Alfred knew from experience that meant that he didn’t quite believe him.

“I am proud of you,” he insisted. Then, pretending he hadn’t noticed Bruce’s hitch of breath, added, “And I know your parents would be too.”

Bruce nodded stiffly, wiping surreptitiously at his eyes, which Alfred also pretended not to notice.

“You were right,” Bruce said softly, once he’d composed himself. “About their legacy. I still believe…” he paused, swallowing. “I have to believe that the Batman can work. But it needs to evolve. It has to stand for something other than vengeance. It has to be capable of bringing hope to people, or all I’ve done is become another monster in the dark. If I really want to save Gotham…if I want to change it, I have to be more than the Batman.”

His voice was hesitant, uncertain, something that Alfred hadn’t seen in the boy in a long time. For years, Bruce had been driven by his single-minded determination that he would personally save the city from itself. He’d been pushing so hard for so long, and never once in all that time had he shown any doubt about the fact that he was doing what needed to be done.

Seeing him now, adrift and unmoored from his sense of purpose, it reminded Alfred of that child from so long ago who had looked up at him with wide, tearful eyes and asked “what do I do now?”

Alfred had done his best, provided what little guidance he could while struggling through his own grief, and not a day went by where he didn’t wonder whether he’d done it right, whether he’d made some horrible mistake. “Don’t be sorry, Alfred,” Bruce had told him back at the hospital. Such easy words to say, yet so hard to really, truly hear.

“I have to be more than the Batman,” Bruce repeated. “But I don’t think I can be. Not alone.”

He finally looked up again, and Alfred found himself looking into those familiar eyes, eyes that held both the past and the future in equal measure. Eyes that looked so much like his father’s.

Alfred wordlessly wheeled his chair around the table and took Bruce’s hands in his. Bruce startled at the touch, but Alfred just tightened his grip.

“One thing you never have to worry about, Master Bruce,” he said firmly, “is being alone.”

Bruce’s tears spilled over his cheeks, and Alfred pulled him forward into a tight embrace. Bruce moved hesitantly at first, placing feather-light arms around him, and Alfred snorted quietly.

“I’m not going to shatter, Bruce. I’m well on my way to recovery.”

Finally, Bruce sank fully into the hug, burying his face in Alfred’s shoulder like he’d done when he was a child. He let out a shuddering breath and Alfred squeezed even tighter, trying to convey everything that they’d failed to say with words over the years through the simple touch.

Later, they would clumsily disentangle from the hug, and Bruce would fret over him as they dried their tears. They would discuss the company, the money, the ways that Bruce Wayne could work alongside the Batman to bring change to the city.

Alfred would eventually help him write and practice a speech that announced the new Wayne Foundation, a charitable organization that Bruce would establish to address the misuse of the Renewal Fund and provide real aid to Gotham and its citizens.

And every night, the Batman would return to the streets, and Alfred would have an emergency comms channel on standby that Bruce could use if he found himself in a situation that he wasn’t able to get out of on his own. It would never completely erase Alfred’s worry, nothing could ever do that. But it gave him one more opportunity to protect the boy who had become a man who fought with his every breath to save the city, just as his father had.

All of that would come later.

For now, as the morning light streamed through the arched windows and signaled a new day, Alfred simply held his child, and hoped that would be enough.

————————

Authors Notes: yeah so I rewatched this movie with @mug-of-beans this weekend and have a lot of feelings about this version of Bruce and Alfred’s relationship. I decided to look for fic that featured their dynamic, but then surprise! AO3 was down, so like a normal person, I coped by just writing my own. Honestly, I had a lot of fun, so if you have any other Battinson stuff you’d like my take on, let me know. Thanks for reading!

[arkus-rhapsode]

Now I've been working on something involving Cartoon Network and its 30+ history and recently it really hit me just how much I had grown up with the channel, but also how much its still growing.

I had started watching in the early 2000s just before the CN City bumpers were a thing and would catch numerous reruns of shows from the 90s. In a lot of ways, Cartoon Network was my channel. Now I enjoyed Nickelodeon for stuff like Spongebob and Danny Phantom and Invader Zim and I just never had Disney Channel in our cable package so I missed out a lot of those shows. But CN... to say its got a special place in my mind palace is an understatement I remember the checkerboard and seeing Cartoon Network Studios at the end of an episode and their little animations. I was there when Miguzi was a thing as well as the alien invasion. I watched the Noods take over in real time and the transition from black and white to rainbow colors of Check it! for the network. I can even remember Johnny Bravo and Dexter's Lab showing up in the Hannah Barbera logo as I was barraged with these old times characters.

I think one of the things so captivating about this was Cartoon Network's skill at making their programs feel like a family. Like not a shared universe like Marvel or Star Wars, but rather entertainment companies having this identity of their properties able to fit together whether through shared advertising, little crossovers, Easter eggs, etc. Who remembers the "Spot the Block" campaign? I was cringing even as a child to that song. This is something companies like Nintendo does a lot or even what Nicktoons used to do. It made it feel so much bigger than just a show, but it also felt intimate. Personal. That all these characters off in their own little world could find themselves sitting down for coffee or playing catch.

However, by 2015 I had basically stopped with the network. My family opted to get rid of cable and invest in early streaming for entertainment and to be honest, I kinda just knew my time may have been up. I was a teenager almost done with high school and this channel is still primarily aimed at kids, my generation was passing.

I would hear about things through the grapevine. Stuff like Steven Universe and Teen Titans Go were kinda impossible to avoid in 2016. But for the most part what the channel did was kinda under my radar. I was perfectly content to transition into my "Anime 4 Life" adulthood. Cut to the 2020s with HBO Max, and I had the chance to catch up on some TV shows and it was fun. Going back down that rabbit hole of nostalgia and I was fine stopping there. But then this year I started working on a project which required my looking back into every Cartoon Network original show ever.

So of course that meant I had to do research into basically a whole decade after I had stopped watching. So I did some watching-We Bare Bears, Long Live the Royals, Mighty Magiswords, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Villainous, Apple & Onion, Craig of the Creek, Summer Camp Island, Victor and Valentino, Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart, Infinity Train, etc. This is probably the part where you expect me to say something like "Everything was better in my day" or something. But like no. I was not... sad about what I was seeing but like I was really glad. There was apart of me being like I'm glad this exists. I'm glad that you can still see that Cartoon Network DNA. It's different than it was before, but like there was still that core of what made Cartoon Network so unique in children's programming. Hell I was a little jealous I couldn't view this through the eyes of a kid today and what it feels like for them.

But for what I am, a man in his mid 20s who still watches animated content, I could almost feel like there was still this link between generations in a way I don't think I've ever seen before. These two halves of a thirty year time frame able to reach out be able to still be Cartoon Cartoons.

Yes I know, people will bring up how there's "dark times" but there always has been. This network wasn't perfect. I know a lot of people like to say there was a downfall, but I gotta be honest, the network always had mixed and controversial bags. I remember people telling me Chowder and Flapjack were garbage that pandered to only loud and gross out humor fans. Yet now they're talked about as absurdist comedy classics. CN Real is considered the lowest point of the network that goes against the entire ethos of the network, but in 2010 you got the debuts of shows like Adventure Time, Generator Rex, Ben 10 Ultimate Alien, etc. The real downfall I see happening right now is in how Warner Bros Discovery the Business has treated animated projects and their horrible treatment of animators in the name of corporate greed.

But I just can't truly dismiss all the good that has come for the last decade. And Hey we're apparently getting a new Cartoon Network show next year, Iyanu: Child of Wonder, it looks good so far. It looks like something that CN City heads wouldn't mind walking around town with Grim and Samurai Jack. And the thing that got me was how I taught to myself "Im glad that if I had kids I know they're is something good for them watch and I could watch alongside them..."

I don't know the future of CN. I don't think anyone can say. But when I really think about kids dedicated networks with an emphasis on purely animation, but also creative visionary driven animated programming, I really thought about how its history is very short in the grand scheme of the world. And I was lucky to be born in the early years of it. I can't tell you, how much a smile the Crossover Nexus special made me smile. Not because it was pandering to my nostalgia of CN City, but like seeing all of these characters preserved in statues in this world, from big names like Ed Edd n Eddy and Courage to stuff that were so short lived like Sym-Bionic Titan or Megas XLR to shows people would scream to the heavens they thought were trash like Secret Mountain Fort Awesome or Problem Solverz to so projects that barely got off the ground like Firebreather. It felt like everything mattered. That this short history means something. Its worth remembering the new and the old and everything in-between.

Because it's not just memories that matter, but it's carrying on that creative spark. That vision for a Network about and for cartoons. Carrying it beyond my life time. Carrying it far into the future. I hope I'm not the only one who feels that.

Welp, sorry for this ramble post to my usual followers. I was just taking a break from my usual discussion based content to work through some feelings I was having.

[blackroseguzzi]

The Girl Next Door Part 2

*This series will go back and forth between flashbacks, and I promise they all tie together to why the characters don’t talk anymore (but I think I might add in a few present day chapters along the way) 

Summery: Another flashback of your relationship with Kai. Angsty conversations over an Adderall deal.

Warning: Language, mentions of drugs

*Flashback* 

You slipped on your sweatpants and University sweatshirt, knowing that you had an entire night full of studying left. Caffeine was coursing through your body, but your eyes still felt heavy like sleep would be the only way to comfort you. That’s why your roommate had asked her boyfriend to hook the two of you up with his Adderall dealer. It was your last year of college, and you had to finish strong in all your classes. Of course, you had your fair share of partying and sex but you had never done drugs. A little wiggle room would be okay since you knew the only way you were going to stay up and cram for this test was to take something to keep you awake - Caffeine pills just made you shit your brains out.

“Lets go, he’s just down the street behind the 7/11. Robbie is going to drive us,” Your roommate, Sophie, called out. You checked your appearance in the mirror. You never went anywhere in your sweats, but you figured you didn’t have to dress up to go get drugs. 

“Geesh relax, I’m coming.” You both left the dorm and walked quickly towards Robbie’s beat up truck. You snuck in the back, cringing inwardly as the couple exchanged a wet kiss. 

“This dude isn’t some freak, right?” You asked as you watched the snow fall outside of the truck. Robbie’s laugh filled the air.

“I mean he’s eccentric but I doubt he’d hurt a fly.” 

“That’s what they said about Jeffrey Dahmer!” Sophie smacked her boyfriends arm playfully. They pulled into the 7/11 and Robbie pointed towards the back next to the dumpster and bathrooms. 

“Alright, He’s back there. Y/N, just knock on his window and he’ll give you what you need.” Robbie twisted himself in his seat to look at you in the back. You scowled at him, realizing they expected you to go by yourself.

You weren’t scared, obviously but you were annoyed. You gave them a tight lip smile, knowing the momentary alone time was going to be spend touching each other as much as they could.

You hopped out of the truck, the light dust of snow falling down onto your head. You pulled up your hood, and smashed your hands in your pocket where they $100 dollars in 20’s lay rolled up. 

You walked towards the back of the 7/11. There was one old black car with tinted windows. Before turning around and running away from this sketchy situation you found yourself knocking on the driver side window. You watched as the man opened the door, stepping out as he dug into his pocket and pulling out the ziplock bag of blue pills.

“Here. $100 for 6 pills.” The guy finally looked up and you felt your heart stop when you noticed his dark eyes and familiar low voice. 

“Kai?!”  You pulled back your hood, revealing yourself and staring at him like you’d seen a ghost. It had been three years since you’d last seen Kai. You two had an extremely rough ending to your friendship/relationship/friends with benefits or whatever you’d like to call it. 

“Oh wow, y/n,” Kai’ voice sounded different. He also looked nothing like the mental picture you always had of him in your brain. His hair was much longer and unkept, his eyes sunken in with dark circles around them and his clothes were much more baggy. What struck you the most was that his cheerful demeanor was replaced with seriousness. 

Speechless, you just reached into your pocket and handed him the wad of 20s. You wanted to get this interaction over as soon as possible.

 He looked between the pills and your money.

“Nah, I can’t do business with you.” He pushed your hand away, about to get back into his car. You let out a cruel laugh, grabbing his sweatshirt and twirling him back to face you. 

“Are you kidding me Kai? After four years you can get rid of the protective savior complex.” 

“Why do you need Adderall anyway?” Kai narrowed his eyes at you. He was used to your anger, especially when it came to his protectiveness over you. If you had been any other girl he would have taken that money without a care, but after all those years he still held you on some kind of pedestal, yet he’d never admit it after the way you had hurt him.  

“Isn’t your job just to take the money and give the drugs?” Eyebrows raised, you shoved the money back towards him. 

“Answer my question.” Kai growled. 

“I have a fucking test I need to study for and I’ve had a long week. I don’t think I can really focus unless I get something to help me,” You kept pushing the money at him until he grabbed your wrist. 

“You don’t need this, I’m not giving them to you.” He shoved your hand away and the money flew to the ground. 

“You’re such a fucking piece of shit, Kai. As shocked as I am to see that you’re a freaking drug dealer now, I’m glad you’ve sunken this low.” Your words hit hard, Kai’s face sunken with regret and pain as he watched you retrieve the wet dollar bills off the cement. The snow was sticking to your dark hair, and as you popped back up he could see tears brimming your eyes. You clearly still harbored the same pain as him.

“Jesus Christ y/n, just go back home. I don’t ever want to see you buying drugs again. I’ll make sure that nobody in this area deals a fucking thing to you either so don’t even try.” 

You slowly shook your head, a few tears now slowly falling from your eyes, down your cheek and onto the ground.

“Why after all these years do you still need to make sure you can control me?” You felt all your emotions over the last four years tumbling around in your stomach. Just looking at him made you an anxious mess, and it’s why you tried your hardest not to go home for holidays unless absolutely necessary, staying only a very short time without a thought of visiting the Anderson house. 

“ME, control YOU??” Kai let out a scoff and ran his hands through his long greasy hair. You wanted to know how he had gotten to this place in his life, your soul screaming that you were partially responsible.

 “Last I knew you made all of your own choices, without me.” You could see the anger in Kai’s words, his face twisted in a way you’d only seen a few times in the many years of knowing him. 

“Looks like I made the right choice,” You spit out, eyeing up and down his disheveled drug dealing state.

Kai walked up to you, his face inches from yours, his hands wrapped around the extra fabric in the shoulder of your sweatshirt. You wanted to push him away, but your body was frozen in fear.

“Like I said before..Go the fuck home. I don’t ever want to see you again.” As much as you wanted to break the stare between you two, you couldn’t help but watch his pupils glass over as his final words left his mouth. 

Everything in you wanted to retaliate, to breath out more hatred towards the man you once considered your best friend, the one who you’d grown to love, the one who you had clearly broke - but those famous words replaying in your head; “it takes two” had gotten you through a lot of guilt. It wasn’t hard to forget that he too hurt you just as much. 

You clenched your jaw as you threw the hood of your sweatshirt over your damp hair and marched yourself back to Robbie’s truck. 

“So?” Sophie turned to you, her eyes wide and her lips were tickled pink from the friction of Robbie’s.

“He ran out, said he only had Oxy and I can’t do that shit.” You avoided her glare, knowing it was disappointed.  

“What are you talking about, he said he was all good on the phone earlier,” Robbie questioned you further which deepened your anger.

“Fuck, I don’t know Robbie! I didn’t get the Adderall so please just drive me back to the dorms so I can start to study.” You pushed your head back in the seat and Robbie decided not to pry more, just turned up the radio and pulled his truck out of the parking lot. 

You were never going to be able to concentrate on studying after that interaction. 

[awkwardlyoutsidely-doodles]

Heyo I wrote a fanfic, it's been in my brain here you go.

Emmerich x Rook

M/M

Fluff/Humor

Corvus wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, leaning on his staff as he gave it the finally flourish that Hurlock succumbing to death. A puff of air left his chapped lips, Darkspawn. Never in his 20 odd years being a member of the Mourn Watch he did ever think those, creatures would be on his list of priorities. He rubbed his forehead as he stood up straighter, as he gain a better idea of his surroundings.

“Alright?“ He looked to his left to see Lucanis walking towards him sheathing his daggers across his chest, the Crow didn't look any worse for ware but he rarely did, Corvus wondered if he was really getting as out of practice or just old.

He adjusted his collar, “Yes, thank you.“ flexing his fingers looking at the carnage they left in they're wake, they were definitely effienent. He stood straighter for a moment, realizing they were short one, “ Where is Emmerich?“ He hopped his voice remained neutral, he hoped he didn't sound to expectant.

Lucanis point over his shoulder, “He said he wanted to examine something, wouldn't stray far.“ The Antivan face didn't betray any concern, “Go and collect him, I'll make sure no trouble is coming.“ He swiftly left before Corvus had a chance to answer, leaving Corvus standing with his mouth dry.

He walked in the the general direction Lucanis had pointed out. He had no problem being alone with Emmerich, it was fine, he would just tell them they were moving out, and that would be the end of it. Is that what leaders said? Moving out? Maker have mercy…He sounded like and idiot, especially since he was even more prone to talking to himself since he joined the Veil guard, otherwise things would be eerily quiet….

“Rook?“

Corvus' eye twitched ever so slightly, that code name was just to different, that he need to get use to it, he didn't even want to know what his given name would sound like in, Emmerichs mouth—! Emmerich! He froze and turned around and notice that the mage was crouched down a few paces away from him, giving him a mixture of a concern and amused look, it seemed he was so stuck in own head, he walked right by Emmerich.

Great…

“There you are..“ His face remained rather stoic on the outside, his fingers flexed nervously at his side, “Is everything alright? We are ready to m-move..“ He internally cringed his teeth barely catching his lower lip in order to still himself.

That's when he did it. He smiled. A smile no great thing right? People smile at other people everyday? On the street, in quiet passing it was nothing remarkable.

No. Not like this. Not at people like him. Definitely not from people like Emmerich.

They're was no judgement in his eyes, umber crinkling at the edges looking at him with full attention with nothing but kindness and endearment, his lips quirked in the perfect way, it was completely disarming, he very much tried to avoid making directed eye contact with most living things, but for a few short seconds, he couldn't look away. He swallowed, his adams apple bobbing in his throat, he subconsciously fiddled with the broach afixed there.

Emmerich stood up with the assistance of his staff, chuckling to himself, Corvus couldn't phantom at what this was hardly an amusing situation, “Yes, my apologies.“ He dusted off his trousers, “I'm quiet finished here shall we?“ He smiled! Again! “Come along Manfred let's not dodle.“ Emmerich moved forwards, as Corvus' eyes swivel to meet the bejewel eyes of the undead servant, who was looking at him in a way, with someone without facial muscles could muster a look of knowing, if only he had eyebrows.

He dutifully gripped the straps of his rucksacks and followed Emmerich, leaving Corvus on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Andraste persevere me…He might actually kill me

[saltedsnails]

This is a personal piece which has not been done here before. I’d like to highlight that this deals with the recent S9V8 episode of RWBY. Themes that include suicide, imposter syndrome, savior/hero complex, and depression are present.

I’m just gonna say, at this point in my life, Ruby’s choice is relatable to me. No, I am not happy or ecstatic that this is happening in any regard whatsoever. However, it is relatable to me at this moment in time.

I’m in my 20s compared to her, what, 17 or 18 self? I’ve been spiraling these past few months with a lot of different things. My career, my sense of self and worth, my need to make sure everything is okay ‘because if I don’t nobody else will’. Frankly, these past few days I’ve wanted to be someone, something else just like Ruby has had dangling in front of her. It’s fucking lonely, especially as an over thinker who always has their mistakes and cringe-worthy moments in the back of their head. In fact, talking to someone on my healthcare team this week, I said “I wish anyone other than me could take my place. They’d be able to handle being here. I wish I wasn’t me.”

It hurts because Ruby, when I was 13 when this started, was my little light. My family unit was fractured, in a new place after moving from a place I considered my safe haven, with no friends. She was hopeful and bright, maybe a little airheaded and dumb and optimism shining out of her ass, but I needed that. I took on a lot of emotional legwork that I thought I needed to do because people relied on me during that time, mostly in regards to my parents and their happiness. It was a choice, yes, but a choice for my own survival because my survival depended on pleasing them. I don’t tend to get emotional over RWBY anymore because of well, a list of things too long to mention, but seeing Ruby like this did something to my 13-year-old self. It did something to my 20-something self too. The imposter syndrome, hero/savior complex, the inadvertent shouldering because over time everyone expected you to be the one that fixes everything because you’re “gifted and talented”.

And for me, I’m sick of it. Every day I have to deal with this ball of iron in my stomach and a scream so full of curses that you might as well call me Pandora’s Box. Seeing Ruby there, with no light in her eyes, kind of broke me. Because she’s what my little self needed. And Ruby is broken and full of pain, just like what little me needed Ruby to not be. It’s like a reflection and yes. I know that Ruby has been selfish and puts herself in the middle of things. I know. I know she’s brash and arrogant and things are oh so constantly about her, but you know what, right now I can’t seem to care. She’s 13-year-old-me staring right back at me, and wondering how the fuck we got here. All my hopes and dreams and wanting better for the future smashed to bits and pieces and willingly wanting out. I want to curl her up in my arms and simply let her exist. Is the writing execution of the scene “perfect”? It’s debatable to many. But to me, I’m taking this to mourn that even my hero and inspiration for the future can be weak, too. She’s not the young, naïve heroine that my teenage self needed. She’s like me, shouldering a lot that I put myself into in the hopes for a better future. I hope that Ruby’s story in this instance is treated with consideration going forward, but I am apprehensive. Both of “us” (13 and 20-something me) will be on the sidelines to see it. We can only hope that this, moving forward, will be treated with respect and dignity.

I don’t know if I can write any more of this. I’ll leave this here. If I get back to it, I’ll add another part.

Please take care of each other.

- 🐌

[songbirdseung]

forever not (1) / park sunghoon

synopsis: you were so sure that you'd never fall for him, he was sure that you should never say never. Enemies to lovers.

My brother always told me to never say never, to be open to the possibilities may that be positive and negative experiences. "you can say you'll never but don't lock yourself in this box, at least try everything once". But despite him saying that, maybe a million times throughout your life, especially when you chickened out from doing something. Retrieving back into your invisible box walled the comfort zone.

You are now twenty years old, in your 3rd year of university. During this time, you met this guy; his name is sunghoon. A liberal arts major, the same year as you and cute as hell but also annoying as well. Ever since he introduced himself during your only shared class, when his eyes landed on you, you knew things were not going to go well with him. With that small smirk he had on, you knew he was trouble. Cue taylor swift.

On the daily, you can expect him to wait outside the room of your first class, hoping to get a glimpse of you and to annoy the living hell out of you. "hey babe" you are sure that you heard that nickname more than someone in a relationship. Sunghoon sees you in his peripheral vision and puts on a smile, assuming his position, he walks up to you and blocking your way. "sunghoon please, i just want to get to class" with the prettiest eyes and face you could make, you bat your eyes at him. "awh babe, don't you miss me? We didn't meet much yesterday" you roll your eyes and try to get pass him by pushing him out the way, but the gym rat won't budge. "in this context babe, silence means yes" with a huff, you face him again "i'm the happiest and most content when i don't see your face." the comment seems to have no effect on him as the silly stupid (cute) smile is still showing. You take a look at your watch, a few minutes 'til your professor comes. Sunghoon takes notice to this "i'm not leaving anytime soon, my professor won't be present in our first class, so i'm going to sit in your class" oh great.

That's what he does, he opens the door for you and follows after you. Taking your seat next to your best friend jake, who just happens to be a good friend of sunghoon. Looking up at you, his gaze looks over the male over your shoulder, jake laughs and gets up from his seat and moves to the free one in front of you. "jake, wtf! Where you-" sunghoon sits down next to you and drapes a arm around your shoulder. "do you know anything about personal space and consent?" with a scowl, you remove his arm. Hoping the professor would come into class very soon. Resting your head on your palm, you lightly kick the male in front of you. He reacts in the way he always does, loudly and dramatically. "you surprised me!" jake looks back at you and you avoid the weird stares from your classmates. "why did you move seats!" the two males laugh and shrug their shoulders. "figured you needed quality time with your boyfriend" jake pats your head and faces the front. You slump back into your seat peering over to sunghoon. His head already laid on the desk, eyes closed, lips parted, and slow breathing. You admired him for a while, sure he was annoying but you could admit that he was good looking. "done staring ms. Y/n?" you face quickly whips to the fron of the class which stands your professor. She smiles at you and proceeds with greeting everybody.

For the next 20 minutes, class seemed alright and you were paying attention until you felt a shift next to you, sunghoon has woken up and sat up properly. His hair was a mess from the constant switching or moving his head. "good nap?" you speak quietly. His hands raise up to fix his hair and uniform. "get used to the view, you'll see this every morning" you internally cringe and just focus back to the lesson. You glance back down to your watch and sigh, only 30 more minutes.

That was just the bare minimum of your encounters with sunghoon, there were days where he was more annoying and insufferable. Some days he'd give you a break and won't overdo it. Some of your friends like to tease you with it and claim that he does it cause he likes you. But here's the thing, you don't really do relationships nor do you wish to fall in love. With the way you've been in the middle of arguements, had second hand negative experiences with love. Basically seeing your family and friends get into relationships and watching them all fail, it kind of ruined the magic people claim that love has. The feeling of wanting the one person, to be devoted and to share your life with that person; all that does not excite you, no more. "you haven't even tried it yourself, you may break the curse of breakups and heartbreak" they still try to encourage you to go on dates and meet people, but you were fine and content being single, you have been for 20 years, what more another 20? "you'll end up falling for sunghoon, trust me" your friend yeji raises her eyebrows in a teasing way. "i will never, trust me".

The rest of the day, you did not see sunghoon. The day continued on that way until you realized it was time to go home. Your prof. Dismisses the class and after you finish packing up, you head to the door and see him there leaning up against the wall, speaking to some girl. "aren't you gonna go get your mans" jake nudges you forward. Before you could retaliate, sunghoon has already said goodbye to the female and walked up to the two of you. "let's go home babe?" he looks at you and then greets jake as well. Which means jake's signal to leave you two alone. Great. You watch jake leave in the opposite direction, so you take on and start walking ahead of sunghoon. It doesn't take him long to catch up with you, since he was like almost 6 foot. "it's such a good thing that we live close by each other" he takes a hold of your hand, at this point you allow him to. Because the last time.. *flashback* on the way home, he takes a hold of your hand and you try your best to get out of his grip but he only tightens his grip "let go and i will kiss you instead" *end* you shudder at the thought, sunghoon then asks why. "i just remembered something you said, it kind of reminded me of a f-boy.." sunghoon didn't seem phased and continued to walk, holding your hand.

Eventually you reach your house, you start smiling as you saw your mom outside watering her plants. She takes notcies of the two figures walking up to her, she smiles at you and her eyes slowly move down to your intertwinned hands with sunghoon. "cute". You looked down at your hands and quickly remove your hands and run inside the house. Meanwhile sunghoon goes up to your mother a greets her before heading to his house that's two houses away. You closed your bedroom door with rosy cheeks but with a racing mind. "what's even going on?" you lightly smack your head and let your body fall into your bed. After a few minutes, your mom walks into your room. "you know that sunghoon guy is really nice, and cute" she always says that, as if she wants to remind you. And yeah, that's the point. She has told you multiple times about what a great son sunghoon is to his parents and how you should date him. You'd expect her to be like your dad. The strict one when it comes to boys. But the thing is, you dad is no longer in the picture, every since your parents got a divorce, he never showed up or spoke to you and your brother. But before the divorce, he would always be wary and angry whenever he saw you with a male and not studying. But you tried to understand at some degree since you were very young at the time and was at the age where you definitley should not have a boyfriend. For context, your parents divorced when you were 8. After the divorce, he vanished.

You had your share of childhood trauma and now you hate the way you percieve the world and emotional feelings. Constantly being in this personal turmoil, you were sick of it. You wanted a sign, an opportunity to change they way you thought. To go back to the way you were. But something stops you everytime, yourself. Why were you so afraid to feel, to be genuinely you. Why were you so sure that love and relationships are a waste of time?

Whatever it is, you continue to live for your mother.

Even if you dreaded the long school hours, the heavy assignments, the societal pressure and expectations. Your mom was your role model and pillar to keep you standing tall. You didn't want to tear her down because if you did, you'd be tearing yourself down too.

So, here you were the next day. It was a Friday, and it was currently 10:30, a whole hour before lunch break begins. Luckily, the day started out fine and nothing bad happened. Hoping it would stay that way.

[saaraofthesand]

My Thoughts on The Sun and The Star.

I’ve organized my thoughts into some lists. Enjoy.

I polled my followers and they said they wanted this so you can’t get mad at me.

I must first emphasize that at 20 years old, I’m hardly this book’s target audience. I am fully aware of that.

Second, this book is fine. It’s not bad, it’s not insulting to queer people, but it’s also not the most interesting work of fiction I’ve ever read.

Third, I never finished the Trials of Apollo. I don’t think it hugely affected my reading experience with this one as I’d read all 10 of the other books and could use context clues for anything I didn’t know about. But I thought I should mention it.

Fourth, a lot of my problems with this book have also been present in all of Rick Riordan’s books post-pjo. So, these aren’t new.

Fifth, I went into this book with basically zero expectations. I’m not active in the pjo fandom (this is an anime blog), so I wasn’t seeing the book hyped up or anything. Before this, I’d basically only talked about it with my family and friends. I also don’t really read pjo fanfics. I have because I’ve gotten curious before, but I haven’t read enough to know about general fanon interpretations of characters.

Okay,

Nico has been my favorite PJO character since I was a kid (yes I grew up gay with abandonment issues shut up), so I was excited for this book.

The queerness is well done. There isn’t any “othering” of Nico, Will, or their relationship due to their queerness.

We got Italian! Nico moments, which I’ve been wanting more of since forever, so I’m happy about that. They did an okay job rounding out Will’s character. And Nico and Will’s relationship got a lot of good exposition (even if I felt that they were unrealistically mature about it). Nico’s experiences with homophobia felt very real.

Okay, now on to my critics:

Without a doubt my biggest criticism of this book is that it is very clearly fanservice. It doesn’t exist because it has a story to tell. It exists because fans wanted more Nico and Will content.

I didn’t like that the book was written from third person. I had this same critic of the Heroes of Olympus books. Rick Riordan’s strength has always been first person POVs, starting with the original PJO series. I feel like the funny chapter names, the breaking of the fourth wall, the sidebars, etc. are the reason that Rick’s prose stands out. A first person perspective is the reason the books are as funny as they are. And this book lacked that spark.

The choice to write from third person is part of what contributes to the fanfiction-esque writing style of this book. As someone who both reads and writes fanfiction, I can tell you that almost all fanfics are written from third person. This is because, for the most part, the characters you’re writing are not your own. First person is way too intimate a POV for that type of writing, and it’s why most fanfic authors don’t use it. That’s what I feel like is happening here. Oshiro is writing characters that aren’t theirs, and that means they can’t bring the intimacy of a first person POV or even a more intimate third person POV.

The book is also very on the nose with its themes and ideas. Generally, this is fine in this type of literature. This is a piece of middle-grade fiction. The target audience is middle schoolers. But also, middle schoolers can pick up on subtext. They’re young, not illiterate. There was far too much telling when they were already showing.

A good example is the title of the book. It’s very clear that “The Sun” is Will and “The Star” is Nico. I assumed that before I even opened the book. That imagery is incredibly obvious, so the authors don’t need to state it in the text. But… they do. Bob refers to Will and Nico as “My sun and star.” It was one of the moments in the book that really made me cringe.

The book has major pacing issues and is too long. I felt like it was going on forever. There were full scenes and segments that I think could’ve been cut without affecting the plot.

This book really put on display that even though Will and Nico work as boyfriends, they don’t work as partners. This contrasts Percy and Annabeth, who do work really well together since they were partners first. But Nico and Will are so bad at working together that their quest dynamic isn’t fun.

Generally, I don’t love the characterization in this book.

Nico and Will are supposed to be on this dark, dangerous quest. One so horrible no one would ever want to undertake it. It’s the House of Hades (Nyx’s Version). Except it really isn’t. It felt like they wanted to make it more psychological than the previous books, but they also weren’t totally willing to commit to everything that would entail.

Despite all the fluff in the book, it takes itself just a little too seriously. Nico and Will are 15-16. I feel like they could have had more fun with it while still tackling darker themes. Again, I know Riordan is capable of this because *gestures at the original PJO books*

Nico and Will have this weirdly mature outlook on their relationship that doesn’t fit their ages.

We don’t get PJO-esque jokes until 80% of the way through the book (yes, I kept track). There’s the “Travel Brochure” joke and the “Saturday Sundae” joke during the Nyx confrontation. Both of which invoked the feeling of reading the original Percy Jackson books. I got really excited.

Immediately after those jokes this became one of the cringiest books I’ve ever read. And I do not care to elaborate on that because I’m just happy that the book is over at this point.

Lastly, I wasn’t sure where to put this, but I read it, so now, you have to too. “‘Will, he said it has to be both of us,’ said Nico. Will hesitated at first, but an epiphany dawned in him, and his eyes went wide. ‘Together,’ he said.” After reading this, I immediately recoiled in disgust and went “UGH!” And there are multiple lines like this in the book. Absolutely horrible -7563/10. Rick, never allow another sentence like that into one of your books again. This isn’t YA. You can’t be throwing lines like that at me out of nowhere.

In conclusion:

I’ve seen people saying the criticisms of this book are the result of homophobia and… y’all no they aren’t. Most of the people I’ve seen criticizing the book are queer, including me! I’m tired of this idea that queer people just have to appreciate whatever representation they’re given without having any criticisms about it because at least it’s something. No! If Nico and Will were a straight couple, I’d still have the exact same critics of this book. I’m gay and it’s my godgiven right to dislike books that focus on gay people if the stories aren’t good.

Something that I do think is sad here is that Oshiro’s name is now on this substandard book forever. They’re a new author, and they don’t deserve that. Rick Riordan will be fine if this book isn’t received well, but Oshiro is less likely to be. That upsets me deeply as a queer writer myself. That sucks. I hate that. Go check out their books instead of this one tbh.

[breitzbachbea]

I wrote a Charco drabble that is very much actually about their families. Yeet.

~*~

"What's it like to be an only child?" Marco asked one day. Lorenzo in the kitchen, Marco spread on the sofa, in between fabric samples. Charlie was toying with a model car that Marco had gifted him and helped him with. Classic case of the gifter had himself in mind as well.

Charlie smiled at him with a frown and then shrugged. "Better than having siblings, I suppose. I dinnae. I mean, I basically grew up around Harry and Soph, because their Ma, Freya, was my Ma's best friend. I got more gifts than others, bigger ones. Well, until my dad ... you know, didn't see eye to eye with my wishes anymore." He had picked up the car and looked through the windows with one eye shut, to figure if it was crooked. "But I don't really know. More freedom? You tell me what it was like with six - I mean seven - siblings and tight money. That's more like what Ma tells, she was the third of five."

"I dunno," Marco said. Leg over the backrest. Sinfully expensive velvet blue fabric draped over the leg that stuck in US Palermo shorts. Somehow pretty sexy. "You had a lot of freedom, because no one cares for you."

"Chiara tried!" Lorenzo shouted from the kitchen and Marco nodded.

"You never had a quiet moment," Marco said. "And yet you were ... alone. Our brothers and sisters tried, but ... what do you want with a 6 year old if you're 20. You're family, but we could see some didn't care for us. Or for mamma or papà, or anyone except that sibling or so. Like ... it's family. Everyone was trapped there."

Charlie wondered what it would take for his extended family to finally burn bridges with him and Gwen. Or why they didn't simply do it - No more outrage baiting. Straight up no more wedding visits or baptisms or anything. The Fitzpatrick Clan could do without Charlie and Gwendolyn Higgins.

One time he had heard his mother lose it at his father.

"Look, your family's talking, too," was all Connor had said. Charlie was hanging on the stairs, waiting to sneak out with friends.

Connor had made sure Charlie looked at least like a police officer's son. And Gwen had been somewhat thankful, because Connor's sighs had more love to them than her family's. Connor helped. Connor didn't want his wife to be judged either.

But now he had sided with her family and that was a step too far for Gwendolyn 'The black sheep' Fitzpatrick.

Charlie had fled the stairs when the yelling had turned into banging doors.

"Charlie?" Marco jolted him out of his thoughts and he cringed so hard he almost dropped the car.

"Yes?"

"You weren't listening, were you?"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm listening now."

"Nah, it's for the better." Charlie wondered how his boyfriend could look so enticing to him, just because of the stupid velvet on his leg. He'd look good in a kilt. Cheeky, but dignified. "I honestly think others have it worse. Families who cared and were cared for. Other people took pity on our sisters. On us, as we were younger, until we began to be too bratty. Too upset everyone thought twins were a package deal. But no one expected shit of us when we left at 12. Too many mouths to feed anyways." He scratched his head and looked away.

"Do you see them around sometimes?" Charlie asked. "Bagheria is just around the corner."

"Sure," Marco said. "I think. At least."

"Hard to tell," it came from the kitchen. "Sometimes you catch a name and the face fits, but ... they never recognize us."

"If they do, they look away as if they've seen a ghost. Never saw Chiara again, though."

"She's either dead or moved away," Lorenzo said. Monotone, but with a somewhat downcast tone. Like Marco.

Some family ties maybe weren't meant to be severed and one had gotten the scissors out anyways.

Marco bulked up the fabric and Charlie put the car down. He could flirt a bit before dinner.

[mixchronicles-futureboyfriend]

Dear Future Boyfriend – I Do… No Seriously, Forever I Do!!!

Some girls grow up dreaming about their wedding day. The white dress, the perfect groom, the Coming to America rose pedal walk way. “She’s Your Queen To Beeeee”… yeah, I am not some girls. Not that I don’t like cute dresses, handsome men and beautiful flowers.  It’s just I kinda never thought I’d get married (don’t worry neither did my mother).  While other girls made wedding collages and fantasized about their perfect day, I cringed on the inside and faked it on the outside. Yes, yes, I cannot wait to be stuffed into an oversize Cinderella dress, with a 10-foot train and a 20 lb. veil for 5 to 10 excruciating hours while my feet throb and my face hurt from flashing a 32 teeth megawatt grimace… I mean smile.  Definitely sounds like a dream, hosted by Freddy Krueger.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t cynical because I didn’t think I was marriage material.  I absolutely am. Actually, I’m the finest, most exquisite… the Vicuña of marriage material. It’s just I didn’t really see the point.  Well… that’s not true. I did understand the importance of having one sole emergency contact and not rotating it amongst your three best girlfriends depending on who’s in town. I also understood the possibility of dying alone in one’s home only to have your corpse eaten away by your 12 disloyal cats. No, the reason I never thought I’d get married is because I didn’t make marriage a priority.  When I visualized my life, marriage just didn’t matter.  Of course, I dated and even thought I was in love a time or ten, but I could never see me with that person long term. I was emotionally nearsighted. Actually, I might have been legally blind.  Well, that was until 2020.  When the world was on lockdown and people were fighting in their local Walmart over toilet paper, I was at home snugging with my doggie and wine, ready to ride out the wave of the pandemic.  But as the weeks passed, my wine ran low (kidding it never ran low) and the waves continued, it was actually a check-in call from my 70-year-old dentist that changed my perspective.  One evening, this kind man took a break from a family game of Scrabble to give me a call.  While laughing with his loved ones he grew concerned because he knew I was somewhere alone and single (and probably drunk).  At first, I thought, “Aweee that’s so sweet,” but then instantly I became troubled. As a single woman I could never clear the dinner dishes and enjoy a friendly game of Scrabble with my family.  Mainly because my family consisted of one small dog, but mostly because I’m a horrendous speller (yes Google helped me with that word) and my dog refused to play with me.  It was at that very point, Future (Current) Boyfriend, I knew it was time to find you. 

So how does one find their soulmate or at least someone to go enough of the distance with to qualify for a tax break?  Not sure, but at that point I knew it was time to try.  If the world was coming to an end, I decided I wanted mine to end with a special someone.  Finally, it was time to take dating seriously.  So, I did what any serious dater would do… I updated my Bumble profile.  It had been a while since I’d last been on the site so I needed to refresh my pictures and suspend my disbelief that only unemployed mactors (model/actor – both words used loosely) looking for a part-time relationship and a full-time crash pad, were the only men left on the site.  It was time to get back into the depressing dating cesspool pool of La La Land.  With an open mind and very low expectations I began swiping and to my surprise it took less than a week for me to be sitting across from you, Future (Current) Boyfriend.  Maybe it was your smile (when you dropped your mask), or your laugh, or the way you looked at me, or looked out for me, or perhaps it was your Midwestern roots and the way you stood up when I stood up, or that you asked about my wants, or shared your intentions, or when you suggested I try the bread, or when you ordered me another glass of wine (which is my love language btw), or when you walked closest to the street so I didn’t get mowed down by a truck or a car or a drunk kid cruising the PCH on a scooter, or maybe it was the conversation we shared overlooking the ocean, or the call to your aunt to tell her about me, or when you took my hand and said, “you have old lady hands” and then I laughed and you laughed and we laughed until the sun went down and the moon came up...  Actually, I’m not sure when or why or how and honestly, I don’t care because what I do know is that somewhere in that epic 6-hour first date, despite a pandemic and freezing weather (thank you global warming), I decided I didn’t want this to end.  And thankfully neither did you.  So we kept dating… and dating… and dating until we were both madly in love. And for the first time in my life I thought, “I want to get married.”  Well no, actually that’s not true. What I really thought was, “I want to get married to THIS man!”

We were together less than a year in when you, Future (Current) Boyfriend suggested we take a trip to Hawaii for my birthday.  Despite only a few months of dating, I just KNEW you were going to propose.  According to LA standards, 3 months is equivalent to a decade in relationships. People marry divorce and remarry in less time than our courtship, and I was growing impatient. You have to understand, after writing well over 100 SOS messages to My Future Boyfriend, I’d finally found him. I knew this was the real deal and I was ready for us to begin our happily ever after together. Before leaving, I’d spend weeks shopping online. I wanted The Perfect Outfit to go with My Perfect Proposal from My Perfect Boyfriend.  And as expected, you did not disappoint. After a spa day filled with pampering, you whisked me away to the most luxurious hotel, with an ocean view and tiny mints on our pillows. As we stood on the balcony to enjoy yet another sunset my heart quickened, “Omg it this is just like our first date. He’s gonna pop the question right here.  Damn, I really should have moisturized these old lady hands…” Instead, you cut my fantasy short, reminding me we had dinner reservations in 30 mins.  No worries, I’d been preparing for this moment for months. Faster than a Beyoncé costume change on the Renaissance tour, I was ready to go. Fully glammed in 5-inch heels, with a white summer dress, sporting a subtle (not subtle) train, I hopped in an Uber with My Perfect Boyfriend and headed to a Perfect Dinner for My Perfect Proposal.  But there was no proposal at dinner. Actually, there was no proposal that night at all. The food at that 5-star restaurant was so horrible a homeless man turned his nose up at it. Our after dinner stroll was abruptly interrupted by a downpour of humid island rain. And my beautiful white summer dress was quickly tied into a knot (by prince charming himself) to keep the subtle (not so subtle) train from dragging down the muddy streets. As I sat in a plastic chair replacing my 5-inch impractical heels for hot pink plastic sandals the vision of my Perfect Proposal began melting away, alongside my eyelash glue.  Did I make this all up?  You suggested a simple birthday trip and here I transformed it into some Hallmark proposal.  And now I was left soggy and disappointed with no ring or fiancé.  But you know what I love about you Future (Current) Boyfriend?  It’s that you are your own man. You sniffed me out way before the dinner and decided if you were going to propose to me, but it would be on your terms. And that’s exactly what you did.  A couple days later with no fancy, horrible dinner, no heels or trains, no eyelashes or gimmicks, we took a hike to a waterfall. We held hands and laughed, we picked flowers and shared a lunch, you made fun of my old knees and my inability to swim, and then you asked if I would be your forever best friend… and just like that first date I fell in love with you all over again.  So Future Boyfriend, Current Boyfriend, Fiancé, Husband, Forever Best Friend thank you for FINALLY showing up and allowing me to close this chapter. But more importantly, thank you for the new one that I get to begin with you.

xo,

Mix

[sspaz1000]

I posted 2,154 times in 2022

That's 1,630 more posts than 2021!

113 posts created (5%)

2,041 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ramonaflow

@neverendingnoahreid

@mostlyinthemorning

@saraminia

@weathereyehorizon

I tagged 1,115 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#shallownicoleisshallow - 162 posts

#noahvember - 78 posts

#nicole is writing - 67 posts

#more for my mfl list - 37 posts

#behind the keyboard - 34 posts

#pallin’ around - 31 posts

#noah reid vs hats - 29 posts

#meet the authors - 29 posts

#schittscreekdrabbleblog - 27 posts

#screadingchallenge - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and if i listen to his music i’ll just cry because there’s a song that 💯 is how i feel most of the time about life and it’s just like welp

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

How about glancing at each other’s lips? :)

Glancing at each other’s lips

Once the whiskey was consumed, David and Patrick fell back into easy conversation. They don’t know where the night is going to take them, but they are enjoying the moment.

David moves to take his sweater off and Patrick follows.

“Is this OK?” David whispers, not wanting to break the mood.

“Yes, it’s fine.” Patrick, replies, giving a small swallow.

David glances down, first at Patrick’s lips, and then to his neck, and back to his lips. Patrick nods, and then David is kissing him.

Patrick moans into the kiss, and David deepens it. After a couple minutes, they both part for air lips, red and swollen.

They both look down at their lips and give shy smiles to each other.

“I didn’t know it could feel like that.” Patrick sighs.

“Neither did I.” David murmurs. He pulls Patrick into a hug and kisses his forehead. As they both decide what comes off next.

19 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#4

Suit

This weeks Drabble: Suit. @schittscreekdrabbleblog

Also unbeta’d

“Fine. Suit yourself.” David huffed as Patrick slammed the door to their cottage. David knew it was a dumb argument. They’d been digging at each other all week, and now Patrick had stormed off. 

Patrick knew he was being petty. He could feel the tension building all week long. There was no reason for it except maybe the change in seasons have their moods a little down. He breathes and jogs around the block.

David was pacing the kitchen when the front door opens. He peered into the living room and looked at Patrick. 

“I’m sorry.” they say in unison.

20 notes - Posted September 7, 2022

#3

Drabble: Bargain and Blanket

@schittscreekdrabbleblog word(s) of the week.

Got me some Stevie feels.

The blanket at the base of her bed is well worn. She bought it in a bargain bin at Target before they went out of business. Stevie has used this blanket during all her ups and downs over the past couple years. It comforted her when she and David went from FWB to just friends, there after Aunt Maureen died, there when she realized she owned the motel, the Emir stuff, and when she became a boss lady. As she folds the blanket, she realizes how much she’s changed since the Rose’s came to town. She smiles for the future.

20 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

#2

Wedding

For @schittscreekdrabbleblog this week and the word is wedding. Almost didn’t get this done!

The first holiday season after the engagement, David and Patrick, visited the Brewers. David didn’t know what to expect but the Brewers were extremely welcoming. One night after dinner, Marcy brings out some old photo albums and Patrick cringes. 

“There will be time for some cringing later dear, but first I wanted to show you some of our wedding photos, since you are planning your own.” She smiles at the boys. 

They sit and look through the wedding album, and Patrick as a baby album.  They laughed and enjoyed the stories. 

Later that night, David whispered to Patrick, “Thank you.”

20 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Did I actually write this this morning? Say what? I didn’t procrastinate?

@schittscreekdrabbleblog words of the week are Review and Bonus word is deer.

Something was eating the garden and Patrick was going to get to the bottom of this. He went to the store and bought a backyard camera and set it up.

When David got home from work he noticed the camera. “What’s this honey?”

“I’m going to catch whoever is eating my garden.”

David nodded and kissed the top of Patrick’s head.

The next morning Patrick reviewed the footage on his laptop. “Those damn deer!” He muttered.

David walked in, “Those deer are cute!”

“Monsters are what they are.”

“Hmm, Oh ok dear.”

Patrick glares and works on his game plan.

29 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[roccinan]

Thank you for your service of analysing the trailer, i couldn't bear the second hand embarrassment of watching it again 😭 Very interesting to hear abt the locations and the possible catacomb?? also i agree the tech looks way too expensive and this is supposed to be andrés in his "20s" how is he funding all the space suits and stuff 😭 and the TAMAYO LOOK ALIKE?! never noticed him in my first watch altho admittedly i kept shutting my eyes from the cringe. seconding the other anon, the only redeeming thing would be if martin was the secret husband they're planning to steal from lmao and he's actually playing them all!! but wow i don't know what i expected of the spinoff and just from the trailer alone sergio and martin are DEARLY missed. andrés is nowhere near interesting without them to play off, those are the dynamics the audience loved and these new guys just feel like cartoon replacements :/

Hi anon! You're welcome, thanks for reading my deep dive XD I've watched it so many times I've almost become immune to the cringe, but then Keila or Bruce will remind me of it asdfasdf

Anyway! Yes, the catacombs could be interesting, and I definitely think they'll be exploring it. Agreed on the tech. Even assuming "27" year old Andres has the money for this from previous robberies or whatever, how would he even know what to buy?? And who would sell to him? They don't sell space suits to anyone PLEASE. And when even is this- those are clearly 2020s tech in what, 2001!?

The Tamayo lookalike asdasf RIGHT? It' literally him LOL. As for the other anon's theory: that would redeem everything in my eyes. Mastermind Martin faking a het marriage, revealing himself as both a surprise twist and the one who bests Andres? *chef's kiss*

Same here, the new guys don't hold a candle to Sergio and Martin or any la banda for that matter. Maybe they'll prove us wrong, but the teaser isn't making them look good.

[mediawhorefics]

Book ask! 1, 10,19, 20! 💙

book answers <333

book you’ve reread the most times?

excluding the series that shall not be named... i have a few ~comfort reads that i've found myself revisting over the years. the watchmater of filigree street (natash pulley) is one of them. shocker i know, none of you expected this!! i've also read the captive prince series (c.s. pacat) a few times, esp. kings rising the last book. i really don't like diana gabaldon as a person (i think her stance on fanfiction is not only stupid as fuck but also hypocritical considering she stole her male lead from old doctor who episodes and didn't even change his name.) but the first outlander novel remains a favourite of mine in the historical romance department and i've read it many times. the series got lost along the way (at least i lost interest) but the first one is really entertaining! also time travel and scotland, you know i'm there for it. i've read red white & royal blue (casey mcquiston) a bunch. 3 or 4x ? it's got that classic romcom vibe and i deeply connected with the way it approaches grieving someone when you're young/for the first time. i've also read cyrano de bergerac (edmon rostand) a lot. both in the original french and different translations. it's excellent.

10. do you have a guilty fav?

i don't know if i believe in guilty favs tbh! as long as it's not hurting anyone, why should i feel guilty about art that i enjoy? but for the sake of the game/for the sake of argument, i'll try to come up with a list. i guess i read a lot of star wars novels (big nerd over here) and they're very quick adventure-y types with a sprinkle of character study so it's hard to consider them as literature sometimes? so a few of those would be on the list. i really enjoyed the padme trilogy, padawan, master & apprentice, all of claudia gray's sw novels, the rots novelisation, brotherhood etc. there are a few het romances i also love a lot that i suppose i could include here? outlander is the first. but i adore emily henry's writing too which makes me feel pretty basic bitch, but she writes a lot of fun romances with bookish themes and that's like catnip to me. any of the darth vader comics ?? that counts, right? oh! i recently read an arthurian retelling that cast merlin as a queer teenager coming to camelot impersonating her brother and meeting young arthur and kind of falling in love with him. i suppose that had a cringe cover but i had so much fun with it. one of my fav ya i've read recently. it's the other merlin! idk that i'd describe it as a favourite book overall but....

19. most disliked popular books?

i loathe the all for the game series that was popular on tumblr a few years ago? there was nothing compelling about it to me. it wasn't that well written, the characters weren't that compelling, the sport was boring and the romance just didn't have the ooof i needed from it. i truly never understood the hype. i tried reading the kiss quotient (helen huang) which was huge in the romance circles a while back and never finished it. ok this one comes from the depth of my childhood and will not be relatable to many of you but les chevaliers d'emeraude (anne robillard) is SO awfully written it gives me hives. i don't know if it counts but i despise jules verne too. fuck that guy, i know he's ~classic but his writing is so fucking dull. and i haven't read albert camus since high school so my opinion might change if i revisit him, but i remember him making me soooooo angry. i think everything written by cassandra clare is pretty awful. i hate her style. sooooo many people were gushing over boyfriend material (alexis hall) and i hated that. the main character was annoying and immature and simply not charming at all to me. i don't think i laughed even once. i need to laugh in a romcom, come on!! it has a four stars rating on goodreads and i simply do not get it. it was boring and i hated the writing style. and apparently, there's a sequel too ??? talk about the most unnecessary book written ever. sorry to fans of it, it was just no my cup of tea.

20. what are things you look for in a book?

not necessarily all at once but:

a historical setting (i esp. love the first half of the 20th century)

some fantasy elements. it doesn't have to be high fantasy (though i like that too) but a little sprinkle is always fun.

romance !!!!! i love a good pinning, swooning, soft, tender romance!!! (duh) enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, strangers to friends to lovers. it HAS to be a slow burn because instalove turns me off.

i love a good found family/a good friend group!!

time travel is not a must but it's an easy way to seduce me

my main character type is heart of gold/noble intentions/heroic but struggling with anger issues... so a bit of that and i'm sorted.

snarky female characters. (actually just well-written female characters in general, which feels like a very basic ask but we allllll know it's not that easy)

i looooooove a good mystery. not a murder mystery, i'm not super into those. but i love a book that presents us with something to solve (like the shadow of the wind)

i'm not super into unhappy endings (tho. i don't mind them once in a while) but i love melancholic stories and Drama. just something that makes me FEEL.

it has to be atmospheric/it has to transport me.

i love poetic writing/beautiful prose.

also it (almost always) has to be gay. lbr.

book asks

[bowserphobia]

the 3k word mario movie review

here are my first thoughts on the mario movie. i'm probably gonna end up watching it again but i think ive had enough time to think about it to get my thoughts straight on what i think! even with how long this is, i'm sure i forgot stuff, but i hit on everything major i think.

tl;dr: 7/10. preddy good.

alright so under the cut is gonna be me being wayyyy too much about super mario brothers, so be ready for that. (but if you're following me then that's probably what you want LOL.) half mario review, half personal essay. very little chris pratt talk. i make fun of a lot of stuff but only because i love Mario so much. if you're mad at me for my Hot Mario Takes, just remember that i care about this more than anything and i'm going to die alone probably.

this is REALLY long and i'm sorry. spoilers, obviously.

my background/perspective: i'm closer to 30 than 20, and i've been a fan of mario since i could look at a tv screen. my introduction was the first Mario Kart game. Mario was my first ever online fandom, going on mario fansites like Lemmy's Land and Neglected Mario Characters was how i learned how to use the internet. a lot of my sense of humor and artistic style comes from the mario franchise, especially Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (if you can believe it lol.) i wrote a mario high school au fic when i was 8 years old. i'm cringe and i'm proud.

i also went to school for animation. i fucking love cartoons. so, needless to say, i was hyped for this movie, even not being the biggest fan of Illumination as a studio. i had measured expectations, but i really went in wanting to like the movie. (which i did, but not in so few words.) i was just as prepared to not like it, and i didn't want to get too excited for something that might not live up to my expectations. yeah yeah, it's just The Mario Movie. well, i love movies and i love mario.

i avoided watching a lot of trailers past the first couple, but i was aware of the content of them. mostly through tumblr gifs, lol. so i went in medium-cold.

as expected by now, the movie looked amazing. Illumination has always had great character animation, but imo this is the best looking movie they've ever made. the environments, especially the ones with mushrooms, were gorgeous. The movie started with that Bowser scene from one of the trailers where he destroys the ice castle. it was cool seeing the full version of the scene, and when Bowser said, "...or DIE!" i was like "oooh. he's a little scary 😈"

before i get any deeper into it i just want to say: this was a movie for babies. obviously, it's the Super Mario Brothers movie. i think everyone is going to go in knowing that. the showing i was at was full of kids, a lot of them in costume or carrying Yoshi plushies. They would cheer at stuff and laugh at the silly slapstick humor, and i honestly think that enhanced the experience. a kid yelled "RAINBOW ROAD, BABY!" and it was amazing! that's Mario, fun for the whole family.

second thing: kid's movie ≠ bad movie. everyone should know this by now, in this post-puss-in-boots world. i would not compare the mario movie to puss in boots, by the way, it's just fresh in my mind and also based off existing kid's media. the only thing they truly have in common is the medium. their target audience is different, even if the vast majority wouldn't notice. like, i wouldn't bring a toddler to puss in boots, but i would to the mario movie. Bowser is not actually going to murder anybody. mario is also not gonna kill him at the end. nobody is gonna DIE in the mario movie.

all this to say. i was dazzled by the imagery in the opening scene for the usual reasons i like Illumination - the set pieces were huge and detailed, the lighting is amazing and atmospheric, the synergy between the character animation and the voice acting is solid. i especially liked the part when Kamek enchanted the pieces of rubble to make stairs for Bowser to walk up, it showed what their relationship is like and what a toady (ha-ha) Kamek is. (not the characterization i would go for with Kamek but *big heavy dramatic sigh* WHATEVER)

so, that scene ends. we cut to Mario and Luigi's commercial, which i LOVED. i thought it was so fun, and i love the analog quality to it and how DIY it was. and the best part for me - i love that we're in Brooklyn, NY!! when that first trailer dropped and i realized the movie was gonna be an isekai, i was so so happy. it's my favorite version of mario bros canon, and one of the few things in actual canon that i think gives Mario depth. it's compelling to me, the idea of a regular blue collar dude who's maybe in his 30s (mario is not 24 and i will die on this hill) who gets spirited away to a magical land where he doesn't belong, but he helps save the day because he wants to (and maybe he falls in love along the way??) uh put a pin in that thought i guess.

so, the dialogue starts, and it hits me - okay, this move is gonna be kinda stupid.

maybe that's harsh? let me try to explain what i mean. it was immediately apparent that this was going to be a funny, silly movie that wasn't gonna be too serious. the comedy is broad. when they walk by Foreman Spike and he's like "YOU'RE A LOOSAH, MARIO! YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A LOOSAH" or whatever, i was like, okay. we're not getting a Deep Mario Character Study. not that that's what i expected, of course, i'm just a weirdo who has dedicated his life to Deep Mario Character Studies. That's a me problem. but i still half expected mario to go "oh yeah, Foreman Spike from Wrecking Crew for NES (1985)? You won't be laughing when I become Nintendo + Illumination: The Super Mario Bros. Movie!" so i don't LOVE that vibe

okay, i'm like 2% of the way into the movie and this is already spiraling out of amuck. my point is that i'm not going to knock this movie for the things it isn't. it has that sorta glossy rounded-edges writing that movies from this studio have. in a way, it the writing is like a mario game. illumination + nintendo is kind of a match made in heaven.

for the rest of this manifesto, i'm going to divide my thoughts into three sections: stuff i liked, stuff i didn't like, and stuff i had complicated feelings about.

stuff i liked

Firstly, MARIO'S FAMILY! maybe the highlight of the whole movie for me. i knew we'd get Brooklyn, but seeing the whole Mario fam was a shock. not a lot of fanworks give them a big family like that, so it was nice to see! everyone looked great, and it was so cool to see mario and luigi in that context.

and Mario's bedroom?? was SO cute. im gonna have to pause and zoom and see what's in there because i dont remember the details but like i said, the environments are SO solid, and that doesn't stop for the Real World scenes. Brooklyn is just as gorgeous and detailed as the Mushroom Kingdom. the movie was never boring to look at.

seriously, the look of this movie is INSANE. That initial little Mushroom Grove location knocked my socks off, it reminded me of The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach, which is the highest compliment I can give to this movie. the visuals were absolutely off the hook.

the character design was also really nice, which i was a little worried about going in. there's this tendency with some artists to make Peach an ethereal boobie goddess and Mario a little baby goblin sprite, so i liked that they looked like they could smooch if they wanted to. (they didn't.) i knew it would be a fine line to walk between staying true to the in-game renders of the characters and keeping things visually interesting/fresh and new, and I think they walked that line well. everybody looked like they were drawn from the same hand. the visual style of the film was the most cohesive part of it.

the action scenes were really fun to watch, and i loved that scene in Brooklyn when Mario is parkouring around the city with Luigi stumbling behind him. they did a good job making Brooklyn really lively and exciting in its movements. everything was super bouncy!

the Mario Kart sequence was REALLY fun and I'm mostly putting this here for how much my dad loved it. it had everything you could want from Mario Kart on the big screen, and the little speedrunning maneuver Mario does was great.

Bowser. maybe the best performance in the movie, which is par for the course for Jack Black showing up in movies. i think everyone agrees on this so i won't go on too much, but for the most part i liked his characterization. i love a goofy bowser, and i like that his actions had consequences in the end, too. i always loved the games where Bowser is on your side. in my opinion, he's at his best when he's a petulant manlizardbaby, not the Supreme Lord of Darkness.

bowser in a jar at the end was really funny. Make That Guy Tiny! i also love the implication that without Bowser telling them what to do, the Koopa army just kinda chills out. i like that vibe.

stuff i didn't like

The trailers gave too much away. I feel bad because this isn't a knock on the movie on its own, but like, EVERYTHING luigi did the whole movie was in the trailers. like, for how short the movie was, it's insane how much they showed. speaking of which...

god bless Illumination and their tight 90 minute runtimes. (this was 92, actually! yay!) the movie overall felt very fast, which in the action/platforming scenes was great! but most of the time, it just forces the plot to happen to the characters while they're tossed around like ragdolls. at one point i remember saying to my dad, "why is mario like this? he's just down for whatever." (put a pin in that. meanwhile...)

here's that pin from earlier! this is a big one for me - i thought every piece of dialogue between Mario and Peach was disappointing. their first meeting was weird as hell, and it gets worse. it's a symptom of the larger problem of things being really rushed - there's almost no time for characters to interact with each other. a lot is resting on existing relationship dynamics. Mario and Luigi as brothers, Peach and Bowser as old enemies, Peach and her toads' bond, ect. The most developed relationship between two characters who meet during the events of the movie is Mario and Donkey Kong, which... sorry DK stans, but it just isn't my jam.

with Luigi being the one kidnapped, i thought maybe we'd have some sort of relationship form between Mario and Peach in the meantime, and i guess it did? kinda? like i said a million words ago, nothing ever really gets too deep. they have conversations looking out onto vast beautiful landscapes, and in romantic fire flower fields, but... i don't know, they just seem like work friends. they don't really talk about anything serious, and even when they do, it just feels like the scene ends right when it's gonna get good. and the one moment where mario is "flirting" with her gets ruined by Donkey Kong. so, that's cool.

Luigi didn't do shit! not even a hot gay sex scene with Bowser he just gets captured, almost dies in lava, and then Mario rescues him. as a Mario stan (and comparing this to the live action movie for a sec) i did appreciate the focus on Mario, but it's such a shame that Luigi didn't really get to do much besides sit in a box. :(

To me, the overall structure of the movie was pretty weak. There were so many cool parts, but it just never really coagulated into anything cohesive narratively to me. a huge part of that was that the stakes weren't really there. and it's not that big, dramatic things didn't HAPPEN, the characters just didn't give the weight and gravitas to them one might expect.

the licensed music fucking sucked, but thats par the course for this studio so it didnt surprise me. it made me angry the same way Suicide Squad did, because i'm not against licensed music as a concept. (see: breaking bad/bettercallsaul, shrek, ect.) it's just like, don't go with the FIRST song you think of, y'know? or, like, why BOTHER with something like Mario, which has SO much established score you could do instead.

Mario Not Liking Mushrooms is on the tier of Cruella de Ville's mom being killed by dalmatians or whatever. it made my dad laugh, though.

this is not a knock on finding the movie funny - i was laughing throughout most of it - but it has this self-aware thing about it that a lot of movies have nowadays that i just do not find charming. the whole "oh, these bricks are just FLOATING here? well THAT just happened" or "you mean i have to EAT mushrooms?? but i HATE mushrooms! this is the OPPOSITE of what i want!" it's just so... bland. it doesn't have its own identity. it's studio-funny and really, really safe. (it's Nintendo + illumination: The Super Mario Bros. Movie.)

this last point might be controversial, but i hated the scene with Mario and Luigi as babies. i thought it was dumb and bad. by far, was my least favorite scene. it just felt so... i don't know. it was just a bit much. i'll expand more on why in the 'complicated feelings' section, but i just want to shine a spotlight on that scene as the low point of the movie for me. but my grandma liked it, so i'm probably just a hater.

(VERY close second was the one where Bowser is practicing what to say to Peach, then it cuts to Kamek in a wig. booooo! *throws tomatoes*)

stuff i had complicated feelings about

pratt did fine. it's really easy to forget about the man and just see the character, which is a huge compliment. celebrity voice actors are an industry problem (one that Illumination contributes to a LOT tbf) and i think the fact that pratt kinda 'disappeared into the role' was a plus. it still kinda feels like a silly casting choice overall, though. i remember watching the Nintendo direct live where they announced it, and i was gasping for air from laughing so hard, i had to pause it. but anyway, this is just my own taste, and probably nostalgia from the Super Show, but i prefer a more curmudgeonly, Brooklyn-accented Mario. so for me, pratt did fine.

bowser. i loved jack black's performance and he struck the tone for bowser that i was looking for, but as a big fan of Tenacious D, some parts were less "bowser as a character" and more "Tenacious D song from Bowser's POV." Of everything i've talked about so far this feels the most like nitpicking because Jack Black's performance really was a highlight of the movie, but hey, we've made it this far!! you're locked in this Confessional Box with me and you're getting everything!!

one thing i can point to in regards to this - and i can't believe i'm about to say this because it's so ridiculous sounding - but they gave Bowser a little bit of a "yandere" vibe, right?? *sniper dot appears on my forehead* but they could've leaned further into it, and it was kinda overshadowed by the Jack Black of it all.

here's that second pin! it's for Mario's Daddy Issues! it's not a bad idea per se, like, yeah, you can do that sort of arc with Mario, why not? (he's got a couple daddy issues in my own fanon to be fair!) but the way it was integrated into the plot just felt SO cookie cutter, like literally ANY character could have had Mario's arc in this movie. it didn't feel related thematically to what was actually happening in the movie, and the reason that bothers me is because Mario is just so BLASE about everything happening to him! Like, sure, he's bumbling around all confused like a cheep-cheep out of water, but since there's just no room to breathe, we can't have anything more than narrative shorthand for arcs you've seen before. but the potential for depth is there!! it is!!!

i think what i mean is that there's not really levels to how characters react to things, almost like they're not allowed to have too extreme emotions. it feels like they had constraints, and they couldn't establish too much about the characters. Nintendo is a tightly controlled brand, right?

so, because of that, it's REALLY strange to me that they not only gave Peach a backstory, but to my knowledge, a backstory that doesn't come from any of the games or past adaptations. in a way, her story is the reverse opposite of Daisy from the live action Mario movie. if this movie had been twenty minutes longer, i would've loved to see this resolved in a more satisfying way! it really feels like there was no emotional resolution to her story, which surprises me because there were obvious parallels to Mario's angst about his own family/desire to Save Brooklyn in Peach's struggle to protect the toads. like i said earlier when i was talking about Mario and Peach's conversations, it felt like it stopped right before it was about to get good.

it just doesn't seem like the characters in this movie feel things deeply. most characters end in the same place they started. that isn't a bad thing, by the way, which is why it's in the "complicated feelings" section. lots of movies do that - Back to the Future does that, my favorite movie of all time.

it's all very, very down-the-middle. it's for everyone, it's for no one. it's Nintendo + Illumination: The Super Mario Bros. Movie., and everything that entails.

i think the reason the Baby Mario scene bothers me is because it reminds me too much of the fact that this movie is a product. all movies are, don't get me wrong, but there are so many parts of this movie that felt especially product-y. it was just kinda blatant about it in the stereotypical way that b-tier animated kid's movies are. it was packed with references, which in a way was cool to see. i'm sure that when i watch it again i'll catch all sorts of things i didn't catch before. but this movie kinda just feels like a PILE of stuff all mashed together without much thought put into how the actual world is supposed to work, or what the lives of the people who live there are like, or how they feel that their kingdom is being destroyed.

let me just be totally real for a second. *unzips clown costume a little*

art means a lot to me, obviously. and if i'm being totally real and baring my soul or whatever, nothing has impacted my artistic life and process more than Super Mario Bros. There's nothing I can do about it. the sky is blue, water is wet, and i love mario.

i saw this move sitting in a row with my family, in seats we'd all reserved in advance. i was sitting between my parents, who taught me how to play Mario. i had a smile on my face the whole time, even during the Baby Mario scene. every time something cool or flashy happened, a tiny voice from somewhere in the theater would GASP, or yell "LET'S-A GO" or "IT'S PEACH!!!"

among my group was my youngest cousin, who's eight years old, and i realized that she's the same age i was when i created my account on Lemmy's Land and made a Koopaling OC. (that used to be the Thing to do in mario fandom.) that realization almost gave me a fuckin stroke. the passage of time, am i right?

but anyway, if this movie had come out when i was a kid, it would've blown my mind and changed my life. i felt a weird ennui after the movie ended, and everyone was asking me what i thought. people at work the next day were asking me about it, because i'm the Mario Guy even in real life. and i didn't have an answer. i didn't know what i thought.

what i said to them was, "i'm weird, i'm not a good example of a normal opinion on this movie. 7/10." and then i went home and i wrote the 3000 words you see above you.

this is longer than most of my Mario fics, let's-a wrap this up.

hopefully i've given a little bit of a sense of what i thought of the movie. It's everything, it's nothing. you are in its target demographic whether you like it or not. it's the movie some of you have been waiting for your whole lives. it had expectations that it never had a chance of living up to. it has jack black. it's a pile of mush. (no pun nintended.)

[zevranunderstander]

we all talk about 'aging userbase' but damn if i am not glad to be in a bubble of like 20-35-year-olds on tumblr where you can pretty well regulate whose content you see instead of being on tiktok where i was bombarded with shit takes by teenagers

and don't get this wrong, i was also deeply annoying at 14. I also held dumb and cringe beliefs at 16. i identified as pansexual when i was 17 and thought that being bi was problematic. teenagers are just uninformed and don't really have the experience yet to understand why older people don't really vibe with that and it's so shitty to see these 14-year-olds' spaces be dragged into public light on social media for older, more experienced people to make fun of them? like "ah the generation that ate tide pods", says the generation that did cinnamon and marshmallow youtube challenges that could have killed you when THEY were 14, but whose elders weren't versed enough in the internet to make fun of them. like. we are watching children and teenagers have the same takes we had when we were their age and we just bully them for it? like. i think a teenager should be allowed to say some problematic and annoying stuff without being cyberbullied by older people for it.

like. of course a 16-year-old will start some dumb ass discourse sometimes, of course, a 14-year-old doesn't have a well-researched idea of bisexual history or the history of pride or hasn't had the time to reflect on kink at pride yet and they will say dumb shit and later hopefully grow up to hold better and nuanced takes on it. and we sometimes really have to see it in that light. like, idk, if a 16 year old says "you like game of thrones? isn't that problematic?" sometimes you really just have to. accept that this person's idea of meaningfully interacting with a text has not matured enough yet to really interact with media like that in a nuanced or reflective way and that's actually okay because I also didn't like game of thrones when i was 16! you don't have to bully them for it, you don't have to screenshot their take like "hahahaha these media puritans these days!". like, you are an adult and you have some responsibility towards kids, you know?

and like, I will never expect a 15-year-old teenager to have an understanding of kink culture or the history of pride, and it doesn't help to make fun of them for it! it's a topic that I also didn't really understand when I was that age and i *was* uncomfortable seeing men way older than my teenage ass walking around fully naked. and that doesnt mean that young queer people don't deserve to be at pride and that they should stay home and whatever. i hope i am making sense here, but I have been thinking about this because young queer people do deserve to be at pride too, but for young queer people its, like, they want and need a different thing out of pride than most adult queer people do. young queer people want acceptance from family and want to be able to publically be themselves for the first time and socialize with other queer people, but adult queer people probably already have accepted themselves and their circumstances and for them, it's about protesting, about making people uncomfortable who have grown too interested in making pride a party where you can see people in funny costumes and bring your family. while for young people it sometimes is really what they want out of pride? a young teenager may want to go to pride with his hyper-conservative mother to show them "see? those are just normal people having fun" and an adult may want to go to pride in bdsm gear saying "i want you to look at me and reflect on why that makes you uncomfortable and what that says about our society", and neither of them is wrong to want this experience out of pride and we have to accept that sometimes a thing that empowers one group of people is not really what empowers the other group. like, yes, striving for acceptance by conservatives is like, the opposite of what the average adult wants out of a queer space but do you really expect a teenager to understand that yet when their bigger worry is how homophobic their parents are?

maturing is often a multiple-step process, step 1 could be "certain things are problematic and depict negative ideas and stereotypes and should not be supported", and step two could be "you can (often) still interact with and reflect on 'problematic' media and see how the author portrays their bigotry and learn a thing or two about what they are bigoted about". or step one could be "being gay is normal, anyone could be gay and it's not something that is shameful - see, we are just like other people" and step two can be "we should also strive to not just make ourselves presentable for heterosexual onlookers and fight for normalizing all aspects of queer identity". and sometimes people who are at step 1 are not yet mature or experienced enough to understand step 2 and people who are already at step 2 sometimes need to try to be patient with people who do not yet understand the topic on the same level you do.