#as always. just typing my little journal on here to remember shit. bye.

[everymlmhybrid]

finally getting ready for work..... I GUESS!!! whatever

[jynzandtonic]

Hi Z! Hope you’re doing well. I have been having crazy body image issues and have no one I can really talk to about it. I’ve always been overweight but have been losing a bit following some health changes. But now I have almost no boobs or butt and somehow still a large stomach. I feel so ugly and have no idea how to feel better about myself. Do you have any advice? Thank you in advance!

Hello, sweet friend!! So, I want to preface this with two things: 1) You deserve to feel good in your body. It’s not too much to ask for. You absolutely deserve it. and 2) OH MY GOD IT IS SO, SO, SO EASY TO BE CRUEL TO YOURSELF. I pinky promise you that your own jerk brain will find ways to be meaner and more judgemental toward yourself than ANYONE else would ever be. Remember that when you’re feeling down on yourself.

Here are some thoughts. I’m going to put them in bullet points because I’m a nerd haha.

It’s so challenging to build a loving relationship with your body. Period. But especially so when you’re surrounded by media and messaging that makes you feel like you’re not good enough as just you. My first suggestion is to curate the energy you bring into your space. If something makes you feel like shit, throw it out the window. For me personally, a lot of the shit that made me feel like my body wasn’t a good enough body came from advertisements on social media (insta in particular)—so I started spending less and less time on those apps. It’s WILD how much less frequently I had nasty thoughts about myself when I wasn’t being bombarded with that stuff. 

Same thing goes for people and friends. Your loved ones should juice you the fuck up and celebrate you, and if they don’t, BYE!!

Make yourself say at least ONE thing you like about yourself every day. Don’t half-ass it or make it a half-compliment. There are some days that it can be a reaaaal struggle and it helps a ton to have a friend or a journal to keep yourself accountable. Shit, tell me if you wanna. But when you do it, you’re literally building up a habit of being loving and kind to yourself. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it.

Think about some of your self-talk. Would you literally EVER talk to a friend the way you’re talking to yourself? Chances are... HOLY SHIT NO NEVER. So call yourself out on it! It gets a little bit easier to catch every time you do it.

Treat yo’self. Again, you deserve to feel good in your body. Maybe it’s getting a nice face mask or a fun new lip color. Sometimes an outfit you feel comfortable and confident in can make you feel like a million bucks. Indulge in those little things that make you feel good in your own skin—they really matter!

This ventures into NSFW territory, but if you’re feeling bad about your bod in terms of sexual desire... get on reddit. I know, I know, reddit can be a cesspool. But there are a lot of ‘gone wild’ type subreddits where real people with real bodies that look ALL sorts of different ways submit SUPER sexy stuff, and it’s validating (and hot) as fuck. The BBWGW subreddit is GLORIOUS.

It sounds kinda woo-woo, but think about ~nourishing~ your body and being present. Drink lots of water, make yourself nice cups of herbal tea when you feel stressed, stretch it out, take deep breaths, and pay attention to the way you feel—both physically and emotionally.

Another weird thing but SMILE WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR! SMILE AT YOURSELF! God aren’t you fucking cute? I think you’re so fucking cute.

Appreciate softness. In all forms. Especially your heart. That’s all. 

Anon, I love the fuck out of you and I hope you know that you are gorgeous and ENOUGH in every single way. HUGS TO YOU XOXOXOXO <3

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

summertime sadness .4.

tgif

Sequel to kiss me in the d-a-r-k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (masterlist under construction)

Warnings: dub con sex (oral)

This is dark!(dad)Steve and dark(professor!)Bucky explicit. 18+ only. I know they aren’t super dark, but like questionable so I’m keeping those tags just to be safe.

Summary: You settle into your new job but can’t get too comfortable.

Note: Okey, dokey. Here’s the fun part (for me at least). Still tryna figure out how exactly this one will pan out by part 6 but we’re all having a ride together, eh. Thanks everyone for their support and I love you all! 💋

<3 Let me know what you think in a reblog, reply, or like. I’m loving the feedback from y'all and the enthusiasm! Also as always, memes accepted.

💋💋💋

It had only been a few weeks since your last visit to the university but it felt longer as you walked onto campus. Just as planned, you were due to meet Bucky in his office. He texted you as you rode the subway. He was eager to start his ‘marking’. You smirked and wondered how long he’d last at that.

You entered the English Building, the elevator back in service and empty. Not many instructors were in their offices on a Saturday and most students were hungover or readying for another party. You knocked on Bucky’s door before you entered. He had a stack of essays on his desk as he sat behind them listlessly.

“Finally,” He said.

“I slept in.” You replied. “For the first time in a week.”

“Then you’ll have lots of energy,” He reached below his desk, the sound of his zipper discernible beneath it. “I’ve got about forty papers here.”

“Forty? And how many do you think you’ll get to?”

“Knowing that mouth, maybe one.” He snickered. “Come on, baby, I’m rock hard over here.”

He rolled his chair back as you neared and set your purse down behind his desk. He slapped your ass and you got to your knees. You grinned up at him as you ducked under his desk and gripped his thighs as he pushed closer. You pulled down his briefs and his cock sprung out. He groaned and grabbed his pen.

“Fuck,” He swore under his breath. “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this, baby.”

“You’ve got marking to do,” You reprimanded and stroked him. “Now get to work.”

You stretched your lips over his tip and he groaned. He slid closer and you could hear the clumsy scratching of his pen on paper. As he reached the back of your throat, his leg twitched. You pushed past your gag reflex and he nearly choked. You pulled back and felt the shiver in him.

“Mmm,” He hummed and flipped a page. “Just like that.”

The sloppy sounds of your mouth added to the flutter above, the scribbles of ink. You bobbed your head steadily, every now and then forcing him to your limit and holding him there. And then you stopped as a knock came at the door. You both froze.

“Shit,” He pushed himself against the desk entirely and trapped you underneath it. The front shielded you from view on the other side. “Keep going.”

“Buck---”

“Slowly, quietly.” He grabbed his dick and slapped it against your lips. “Now.” He cleared his throat and shoved your head down as he glided into your mouth again. “Come in.” He called and the door opened.

Your eyes widened as he pulled his hand away. You carefully dragged your tongue along his length.

“Hey,” He greeted in a smooth tone. “Tanya.”

“Sorry to disturb,” His visitor replied. “I was just grabbing some stuff from my office and I just remembered I still had this.”

A thump sounded on the top of the desk as you slobbered down his cock.

“Thanks,” He said and squeezed his legs around you. “I almost forgot myself if I’m being honest.”

“I owe you one,” She said. You recognized her voice. She taught the other section of journalism, though you had her for a social movements class in your first year. “Maybe a drink. I could hang around til you finish with those.”

“Ah, you know, I wish I could,” He lamented. “But I promised a buddy I’d swing around to watch the game.”

You kept from gagging and held your breath, afraid to give yourself away.

“You don’t seem like the sports type,” She countered.

“Not really but a few beers and I am,” He dismissed her easily.

“You sure you’re not avoiding me?” Her toe tapped impatiently just on the other side of the desk.

“Avoiding you?” He chuckled. A slight quaver in his voice as you swirled your tongue around his tip. “Why would I be doing that?”

“Well… Ever since our little… you know…” She hesitated to say it aloud.

“I thought we agreed that it was just a little fun.” He said and you stopped suddenly. He nudged you with his toe and you wrapped your lips around him once more. “A drunken bit of fun.”

“Hmmm…” She sounded disappointed. “You free tomorrow?”

“Sorry, maybe next weekend,” He said. “But I really gotta finish here.”

“Okay, okay,” She accepted with a trill. “We’ll sort out a time then.”

“Sure,” He confirmed unconvincingly. “Next weekend. See ya.”

“Bye,” Her voice was cheerier as her heels clicked back across the floor and the door opened and closed once more.

You tried to pull away but he caught your head and held you down as he emptied himself down your throat. You choked and smacked at his thigh as he cupped his sac with his other hand. He left your mouth salty and sore as he slipped out and rolled back with a sigh.

You spit his cum into your hand and crawled out from under the desk. “What the fuck?”

“Sorry, I had to-- fuck, I almost came with her right there.” He grabbed a tissue and handed it to you.

“You could’ve warned me,” You wiped your hand off with a grimace. “What was that anyway? Did you fuck her?”

“Why? You jealous?” He cleaned himself up and zipped up his pants.

“No,” You rolled your eyes. “But I did just suck you off within two feet of her as she obviously wanted to do the same.”

He laughed and pushed his shoulders back. “It was months ago. Before… us. There was a conference, there was wine, and I regret it.” He sighed. “And she looks back on it fondly but… lots of teeth and she was stiff as a fucking board.”

“Wow,” You said dryly and wiped your mouth. “You know, I’m barely surprised.”

“This… thing between you and I, it’s not--”

“It’s just a bit of fun. Trust me, I get it. I haven’t got time for anything but.” You tossed the kleenex in the small bin beside his desk. “Right? That’s what it is?”

“So much fun,” He assured you. “You wanna hang around till I’m finished?”

“Thought you already were,” You jibed. His brow furrowed and you grinned. “Sure,” You pulled up a chair. “I got nothing better to do.”

“Well, don’t sound so excited,” He said. “Besides, I might need some more help sooner than later.”

💋

You scribbled along the margin of your agenda and dropped the pen. The keys clacked beneath your fingers as you typed up a manic sentence. Your screen glowed back at you as the seconds ticked by with each letter. So enthralled by your task that the speck in your peripheral gave you a start.

You leaned back and turned your chair to face the man watching you. Loki’s lithe fingers swept up your golden pen and he admired the engraved letters beneath the fluorescent light. You watched him nervously as you pushed yourself away from your keyboard.

“Mr. Laufeyson.” You greeted him meekly. “I am just finishing the blurb you wanted.”

“Hard at work, as always,” He mused as he carefully set the pen back on your desk. “A beautiful pen…”

“A gift,” You smiled awkwardly.

“Well, I hate to interrupt you so I will let you finished,” His fingers brushed along your desk and he leaned on it as he casually cross his right leg in front of the other. “But when you have, I would like a moment in my office before you leave for the day.”

“Of course,” You affirmed. “It shouldn’t be more than twenty minutes.”

“As you will,” He stood straight and smoothed his jacket and buttoned it. “Then you are free to enjoy your weekend.”

“Okay,” You nodded and he turned away. 

You watched him go, his strides long but lingering as he retreated to his office. The usual crowd had thinned out and Stacey was readying for her own departure. You spun back to your computer and resumed your work. Your second week down and not a stumble yet. You dared to be proud of yourself. Even, to be happy.

Another weekend ahead of you and you weren’t entirely excited. You liked being in the office; liked working with the other journalists, writers, and editors. Enjoyed your chance to shadow one of the most powerful men in New York publishing. And he had achieved it all at such a young age. You could only hope to achieve as much in the next fifteen years. 

It was more than a bullet point for your resume, it was your own paradise.

So you finished up your blurb and attached it to an email. You logged out and packed up your agenda and pen beside your laptop. You pushed your chair in as you hooked your bag over your shoulder and trod tentatively to Loki’s office. You knocked on the open door and he looked away from his screen.

“Ah, there you are,” He beckoned you in with a wave. “Close the door behind you, please.”

You glanced back into the main office and did as he said. You stepped inside and sat across from him, your bag set down against the leg of the chair. His green eyes focused on you and he tilted his head as he absently traced his fingers over his phone. You fidgeted as you struggled not to shy away.

“I just wanted to check in,” He said. “And I was recently reviewing your references.”

“My references?” You wondered.

“Mmm,” He hummed. “Your professors speak highly of you. One of the reasons I even considered a second year, let alone one who had so suddenly changed majors, was a certain word on your behalf.”

“Okay?” You were confused and gripped the arms of the chair as you blinked at him dumbly.

“James Barnes has earned his tenure at the university and on occasion, he has written pieces for my own magazine. A respectable writer, admirable in his work both in teaching and otherwise. And when he proposed this workshop, the tours, I thought it was a charming idea. He proved me right so I had no doubt when he spoke to me of you.”

You gulped but said nothing. Your stomach churned and you brought your hands together and wrung them.

“You see,” He lifted his phone and blindly unlocked it. “You have lived up to his reference and your work is commendable…” He smirked as he flicked a finger across the screen. “But I still questions the veracity of his endorsement as I find his integrity has come into doubt.”

He set his phone down and slid it across the desk. He nodded for you to pick it up. You slid forward on your chair and took it. Your lips parted in horror as you stared at the screen. It was you and Bucky in the bookshop, your lips locked and his arms wrapped around you. You looked up, mortified, as the phone shook in your grasp.

“I…” The breath went out of you and you put the phone back on the desk before it could fall. “How did you--”

“It’s a quaint little shop.” He purred. “I venture in every now and then.”

You chewed your lip as your cheeks burned.

“You do realize that this could be… damaging. To you more than him.” He stood slowly and came around the desk to stand before you. “He has tenure, he is established. You, my dear, you’re barely getting started.”

You gaped up at him. The pet name unsettled you and you wiped your sweaty hands on your thighs.

“And aside from the ethical dilemma, I do wonder what a girl your age sees in a man his age. Especially when your work speak so boldly on its own.”

You shook your head, speechless.

“Surely there are boys your own age who would be delighted to offer you… companionship.”

“I never… I would never use him like that.” You insisted. “It’s all… my work. My own work.”

“Oh, I know it, dear,” He said as his lips curled. “But to risk that work on him? On an affair better fit to a dime store erotica?”

“Are you-- Are you going to report him? Me?” You asked. “Am I fired?”

“Well,” He leaned on the desk, his long fingers gripped it’s edge as he leered down at you. “That depends on you, my dear.”

“Me?” You squeaked.

“Oh yes, this is a very powerful secret, don’t you think?” He slithered. “And in our business, well, it would sell.”

“What do you want?” You asked.

He pushed himself away from the desk and reached to tickle your cheek. His fingers crawled along your chin and he brushed his thumb over your bottom lip.

“I haven’t yet made up my mind,” He bent so that his face was only inches from yours. “But when I do, my dear, you will appease me, won’t you?”

You shuddered but didn’t pull away. You were too frightened. A lock of his dark hair fell forward as his pale skin shone sinister in the lamp light. His green eyes bore into yours and you wanted desperately too look away.

“Y-yes,” You stammered weakly. “I--I will.”

“Very good,” He drew away slowly. “Now, darling, go enjoy your weekend.” He scooped up his phone and tucked it in his pocket. “And give the professor my regards.”

[corpsentry]

behind the taylor swift gundam was in fact another, smaller gundam: a brief inquiry into the events of june 2020

so back in june this year june and i got together and we made this motherfucker of a story with this motherfucker of a thread to keep track of it all. but you already know that! and i’ve already got one foot and three elbows in my grave, so i’ll spare you the long-winded stuff. you wanna know how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks? i’ll tell you how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks-

-by linking you guys to copies of my planning documents because i feel like those words speak louder than any words i can offer in the present day. these are long documents. but they are also historical artifacts. very interesting. very weird. very, uh, full of cussing. so anyway, here’s

BIG DADDY: THE ORIGINAL PLANNING DOCUMENT

for those, like me, who have no motivation left in life to do anything and rely on summaries from others to acquire new knowledge, it all started with a single line.

prince of a fallen kingdom atsumu tries to kill hinata but falls in love with him instead

june, april something, 2020

with that in mind i tested the concept out with a few paragraphs of text, which you can find at the bottom of the Big Daddy document in the graveyard segment, accidentally sold my soul to the image of hinata with epaulettes, and then worked backwards, structuring an entire plot around two images:

a) hinata getting the shit beat out of him, with snark b) hinata and atsumu dancing in an empty ballroom under the stars

if you want a betrayal, you have to have something worth losing. if you want to fall in love with someone you don’t know, you have to meet them. if you have to meet them, there has to be a reason for that meeting, and so somewhere in between atsumu became a sword instructor and hinata the prince with daddy issues. june and i used this method of glancing anxiously over your shoulder to see what you’d missed to fill out the blanks in the story, after which i tacked up a bunch of post-its, typed out the plot, consulted june, typed out the plot again, and then broke the characters down into a bunch of questions, like ‘what do they want?’ and ‘what do they have?’ and ‘what are they afraid of?’

with the plot more or less ironed out, i decided it was time to start writing, and then i decided that i was actually too scared to start writing after all, so instead i set a couple of timers using classroomtimers.com (15-20 minutes long) and i sat down and i wrote about the world that hinata and atsumu inhabited.

each warm-up was 300-500 words long, and for the first few days, i’d write one before getting into writing the story proper. later these evolved into simply picking a scene from the story and launching straight into it, which became useful for opening those scenes later when i got to them organically.

then i got lazy! so i stopped. but these shitty little exercises were really useful for me because, unfettered by plot, convention, or any kind of tradition hovering over my shoulder, i was able to fuck around loosely enough to realize what i wanted this story to be. it was a very contrived kind of trial-and-error, an exploration of the characters, the story, but most importantly, the tone.

RESEARCH, PLANNING, AND VICTORIAN BOUGIE FASHION

this is a loose map of the castle and Important Locations within it, which i drew up at the start so i could keep track of where everything was and how i could get my characters from point A to point B. i wanted the story to have Some kind of internal logic, you know, even if that logic amounted to ‘a compass would function normally in this world whereas kageyama tobio would not’.

99% of my planning and organizing within those five weeks took place in this lovely dotted cat journal which my sister gave me for my birthday and i repurposed into a metaphorical Diary of Suffering while working on juno. i used it for everything from keeping track of narrative threads to clothing consistency checks, but the main purpose was this: each day at about 10 pm i’d crack open the cat book to a fresh page, stamp the date and the day of suffering at the top, and then write down a list of things i wanted to write, address, or fix today. then i’d sit at my laptop and write like a madman until about 7 in the morning. with breaks, of course, for sitting in the bathroom and staring at the wall and sitting in the kitchen and staring at the wall, but mostly i was writing. and complaining about writing. you were there, you probably remember that.

anyway, here are some pages from the cat book.

aside from the fact that my handwriting is complete shit, you can see that i made zero effort for any of this to be presentable. it was mainly a way for me to keep track of my thoughts because i have the attention span of an ikea wardrobe and tend to forget things as soon as i think of them. the lack of structure also mirrored the way that i went about writing juno. while i did proceed, for the most part, in chronological order, i had a lot of weird and useless revelations during lunch, which by this point was happening around 2 am, and in the 5 minutes before the exhaustion finally hit and carried me down to hell. i changed A Lot. again, to understand exactly how much the story evolved from day one onwards, please consult the big daddy document.

in the meantime, here’s something else.

once june sent over hinata and atsumu’s character designs i sat down like the fucking fool i am and spent 2 hours poring over a document about victorian and other fashion movements of the past so i could assign a noun, adjective, and verb to each element of their outfits. i don’t know why i did this. i certainly could have not, but i attempted to make sense of their ‘fits from a logistical perspective and that went into the cat book too. everything went into the cat book. the cat book is a relic of the past now, stuffed with artifacts such as the birth of oikawa tooru, and also his demise.

MEDIUM DADDY: EDITING, PROOFREADING, AND CREEPY MURDER CATS

i finished writing on june 26th, 2020, approximately a month after i’d first started planning, somewhere around may 27th or 28th. at that point i had about 90,000 words’ worth of story and no sanity left whatsoever, so i took a day-long break to stare at a wall and listen to taylor swift’s enchanted on loop.

and then i made a new document, which you can look at using the link above, and i laid out everything i had to do. i’d discovered a fuck ton of plot inconsistencies and general errors while writing and lying awake in bed at 9 a.m., sleepless in seattle, and now that i was free of the demon egging me towards the first finish line, it was time to Deal with them. i speed-scrolled through the draft, which was 200+ pages compressed into one google doc, because i like to tempt god’s wrath, and fixed up all the plot issues over the course of a few days. this was the fun part.

the actual, hard editing was the extremely un-fun part. i reread the entire thing, paragraph by paragraph, line by damn line, from start to finish, paying especially close attention to awkward phrasing, incomplete dialogue, and moments which had fallen flat in my haste to get on to the next one. this was really fucking terrible. i spent more time lying facedown on the floor than actually editing anything, but after a long time (about a week), that, too was done.

SMALL DADDY: TITLES, SUMMARIES, AND GOOD FUCKING BYES

i spent a good eighty days thinking about the title, though hilariously enough we ended up with something that was a blend of our names. june + elmo = juno, which is, all things considered, pretty perfect, but the process of picking the title was Hell, and i Did Not Come Up With The Title until about 2 hours before posting. you can take a look at the haphazard clusterfuck of my title-selecting process in small daddy, which is linked above.

so the title was a last-minute choice. so was the summary. and the chapter divisions. and actually all the songs in the playlist for juno. the day we dropped juno onto planet earth like a newborn baby pitched out of the sky, i spent an hour hunched over my laptop, cutting my 213 page google doc into chapters based on nothing more than a Vibe. two days before that, i also attempted to voice-act the entirety of juno, an affair which ended at the 20,000 word mark with a sore throat and the kind of exhaustion one typically wants to sleep in a coffin for 23 years to get rid of. so in all honesty, i did very little editing, which is why there are definitely minor typos and/or mistakes hanging out somewhere on that chunky ao3 webpage. but whatever.

my attitude by july 5th (was it july 5th? or 4th? somewhere around there) was basically whatever. anything so i could get finish this damn thing, chuck it out of the window, and never see another google doc until the next century. i’ve been asked a few times how exactly i wrote at a rate of roughly 2000-3000 words per day for four weeks straight, and my answer has always been this: i died. what died, you ask? my soul. my spirit. my Will To Live. i’m a creature of fixations, and juno was my fixation for june. will i ever be able to do this again? would i recommend this experience to anyone? is god real? the answer to all of the above is probably no. juno was a fever dream, and so is my cat book. and so are all the lattes i had. and so was my 9 am to 4 pm sleep schedule.

but what we made is real. the research, oikawa tooru, the 4 am conversations in which i was like ‘how the fuck do i end this’ and june was like ‘jade proposal’ (the proposal was her idea. all rise for twitter user atsuhinas. she is the mastermind behind all of the Inch Resting moments in this story; i just flapped a korok leaf in her direction and made sure the air circulation was working properly) are real as fuck, and looking back, there’s a lot i’d change, but i’m lazy. and college is starting. and anyway, i did write 93,035 words in just under five weeks, four if you don’t count the week of Editing Hell, so i think that’s pretty cool.

thank you for reading this to the end, and for following us on our journey through the enigmatic taylor swift gundam fic which quite literally consumed my entire twitter account for the five weeks i spent working on it. retrospectively speaking i really was butt-obsessed so i am frankly incredibly impressed with everyone around me for putting up with a Husk of a Man for a month. thank you for doing that. thank you for indulging my vague tweeting, and our butterfly dns, and for reading 93 thousand words of gay fanfiction set in a high fantasy world with epaulettes and galettes. on behalf of june, once again, we are incredibly grateful for all your support.

if you have any questions about specific aspects of the writing process, or anything you’d like to know in general with reference to JUNO, feel free to drop me an ask through my tumblr inbox, or through my curiouscat over here. i’m aware i didn’t cover everything, but there’s frankly too much to put in a tumblr post without passing away somewhere around the 56% mark, so let me know what’s on your mind, and i’ll try to answer that to the best of my abilities. but anyway, before i go, here are some

TAKEAWAYS

one: don’t try to write 93,000 words in five weeks. seriously don’t fucking do it you will end up jittery and sleep-deprived and you will leave all your friends on read for a month. pace yourself. set realistic goals. you wrote 2k this week? that’s fantastic. you wrote 4k in a day? you absolute motherfucker. i hope you’re taking a long fucking break tomorrow. your story will not run away from you, but if you run too fast, you will get tired, and then you will pass away.

two: you don’t have to know everything about your story before you start writing. in fact if you have a single camera shot of two characters holding hands under a rose garden awning, i think that’s fucking wonderful. if you look at big daddy, you’ll realize that my initial plot draft, and all the ones following that, are not perfectly aligned with the final version of juno. i improvised over half of the scenes in this motherfucker, and to be completely honest, some of the improvised scenes were the best. fucking oikawa tooru was improvised out of nowhere. he only got written in way later, around chapter 8 or something, because i realized i needed a plot device and a source of information to keep the playing table from toppling over. i Sat Down one day and was like ‘okay, it’s time to write oikawa into the introduction. because he matters now. he didn’t matter last week but now he does, and soon he’s going to be the fulcrum of the entire story, because it’s like that with oikawa tooru’. it’s okay to change your mind halfway. it’s okay to go back and rewrite entire scenes or segments. it’s okay to highlight 4 pages of fresh, sentimental writing, and hit delete. writing is a fluid process, and you Will make discoveries as you progress through your story alongside your characters. be understanding of that iterative process. be kind to yourself.

three: You Are That Motherfucker. you, me, your dog, your dog’s friend, your dog’s enemy, all of us are that motherfucker. i never thought i’d be able to write anything longer than the great big map, which was a much simpler, linear story in which the other main character did not appear in the current timeline until like the eighth chapter. juno was different. juno was the motherfucker, and i was scared shitless of it, and to cope with that fear joked constantly while writing that it’d never see the light of day.

but it did. it was a rocky process, and i was awake for 48 hours after posting it because of the sheer adrenalin stuck in my skull, but i got through it. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without june, who stepped in when i flopped over facedown on the floor and dragged me to my feet like the badass friend she is, and without everyone else in my life, who put up with me talking about The Thing that i couldn’t really talk about, but juno’s up there now. forever, or until the internet collapses and civilization goes extinct. and if the nineteen year old clown with the attention span of an ikea armchair and an a level certificate from hell wrote the 93,000 word long thing, so can you. i mean this completely unironically and with every ounce of genuine emotion i can summon from the cracked asshole of my heart.

writing is hard. writing is scary. writing is an investigation of the world around you and therefore, by extension, yourself, and that kind of honesty is freaky. it’s like going skinny-dipping next to the president’s mansion. who’s going to see you? what if they take a photo? what if you lose your spot at university?

but don’t think about that. our world is overrun with stories the way cereal bowls are full of cereal, but it’s those stories that keep us all sane in the disgusting day-to-day muck of reality, so think about your story. what’s haunting you today? what message do you want to leave printed in font size 666 comic sans across the southern hemisphere of the planet? what will you be tomorrow?

a writer. you’re going to be a motherfucking writer.

[sds-descendants]

Chapter One: A Beginning to an End

I know I haven’t finished all the drawings yet, but I really wanted to add their stories! I hope you all like it. If any of you would like to be tagged for updates, just let me know.

Also, I would really appreciate some feedback. It’s not necessary, I would just like to give you all the best I can.

Thank you!

-Luna

~~~

In life, everything has to come to an end, but there is no need to worry. Though something has ended, a new beginning will arise. This story begins with a girl - a girl who will end, just as soon as she begins her start.

The girl was Arabella Ortiz, a human at the age of twenty, woke up in her bed by her cat smacking her face. She scrunched up her face and groaned in protest, pushing her cat away. She pushes herself up in her bed and sits there, staring down at her patterned blanket, mentally preparing herself for the day. She furrowed her eyebrows as her cat came back into view. Oh, yeah, her cat… she had almost forgotten about him. It had been a year. 

Her eyes widened and she reached for her phone, turning it on to see the date. March 24… Her eyes lingered on the year. It hadn’t changed… but she had stayed for a year.

She remembers returning from the Devildom, but was completely confused on how little time had passed. Everything was the same. Her cat was okay and everything was the same in her apartment that she didn’t lose - the two things she cared about in the moment. Her time spent down in the Devildom felt like a dream. Did she truly experience everything or was it just a dream?

If it was a dream, it was clear. Clear enough to be a story. Arabella clasps her hands together and hops out of her bed to grab her journals to work again. Her manager was going to love this. Maybe it could be her final break. She quickly began to work on the story before any small detail could fade. 

She was quick to make small notes on everybody’s character from her own experience:

Lucifer; stressed out “father” of the group

Mammon; will do anything for a dollar grimm.

Leviathan; very shy at first, but opened up the longer she stayed. Games 24/7

Satan; seems like the only rational one around. He’s either reading or tearing apart a room, no inbetween.

Asmodeus; very flirtatious and narcissistic.

Beelzebub; intimidating at first sight, but is very kind. Is always hungry.

Belphegor; a bit snarky, didn’t exactly like him at first. Will fall asleep anywhere.

She began to think of all her interactions of these odd characters and giggled to herself as she began to spread out everything for her work area.

---

It had been eight days since Arabella started her manuscript. She had been writing out all her ideas, phrasing, and plot points for the book. It was a small dent, but it was better than what she had before - nothing. Her stomach rumbled loudly and she shook her head, ignoring it. She continued to write down everything she could. Her stomach rumbled again, but this time, it was painful. She placed her hand on her stomach and sighed. She didn’t want to eat, she was so close to finishing, but her body was against this idea. The only time she had gotten up was to either feed her cat, get some water, or to clean herself up in the bathroom. She sighs again and forces herself up to leave her room.

She enters her kitchen and skims through what she had. She caught a small pizza box on one of the shelves in her fridge. With a quick once-over, she deemed it as edible.

It started out normal. Heating up the pizza leftovers that she was grateful to still have.

Then, some mac-and-cheese.

A sandwich.

A pudding cup.

...Then it became strange when she began to mix things up she would usually consider as gross. Pickles and ice cream, hot dogs with whipped cream as a dipping, even making a peanut butter and mayo sandwich. Any other time, she would gag, maybe vomit, at the combination, but she ate them like they were the best things she’s ever eaten. She just needed something to fill her up, anything. Whether it was good for her or not, she shoved it down her throat.

She just couldn’t stop. She was hungry, starving. No matter how much she ate, it felt exactly like how she started.

Was… was this how Beelzebub felt? Every day, just being hit with a hunger that couldn’t be satisfied. It was painful. She really felt bad for him now. Her jaw began to ache and she just wished for once that her stomach would ache as well.

It didn’t take long for her fridge and cabinets to be cleaned out. She sat on her tiled floor, finally feeling her stomach ache with fullness, staring at the now empty fridge. She couldn’t wrap her mind around how she was able to do that. She groaned and leaned her head back, letting it hit against the cabinet.

---

Arabella stared with wide eyes at the five pregnancy tests that sat on her bathroom counter. They were all marked positive. She had been throwing up and gaining extra weight within the last month. The thought of being pregnant had crossed her mind and she only took the tests for shits and giggles, but for them to actually be positive… She didn’t understand it.

She shook her head and rubbed her face. No way. There was no way! How long was it since she had sex? Three years? Why was she suddenly pregnant? Arabella truly didn’t understand it.

Her phone began to ring loudly and she snapped out of her thoughts. She left the bathroom to go to her bedroom. She quickly grabbed her phone from on top of her bed and grimaced at the name of her manager. She sighed before answering with a meek, “Hello?”

“Ortiz, where have you been?”

“I’ve been working. And I know what you’re going to say. I already have a manuscript for you. I just need to edit a few things and it should be in your email by the end of the day.”

“Finally! You know, I almost gave up on you,” he told her with a laugh.

She rolls her eyes. “Good to know. Bye, David.” She quickly hung up the phone before he could respond.

She sighed as she grabbed her laptop. After fixing up everything she deemed necessary, she quickly typed up an email for her manager and added on her story of the Devildom. She moved her mouse over the send button and left it to hover. She stared at the email, at the attachment.

Something inside of her was telling her not to do this. It just felt… wrong. Wrong to expose the world like this. Arabella shook her head. No, that’s stupid. The Devildom isn’t real, this is just a book.

...or was it actually real?

No. She was just being dumb. She moved to click on the button.

She moved the mouse towards the file. She deleted the attachment and decided to send her manager an entirely different piece of work - one she had given up on. It was better than nothing.

She had given in to her own paranoid thoughts.

And why she couldn’t bring herself to do it, she’ll never know.

---

Now, Arabella knew her pregnancy was not normal. The baby she was carrying was developing way too fast, even her doctor noted that exact same thing. The doctor predicted that she would be due by the fourth month if the baby, or he, continued to develop as quickly as he was. She was eager to learn that she would have a boy, not as eager that he would come out way earlier than expected.

Though everything about this pregnancy was strange, Arabella felt cheerful to have started a family of her own. It would just be the two of them, but she didn’t care. She hummed to herself as she continued her walk home, which wasn’t too far from the office. What should she name him? Michael? Fabian? Who knows?

She saw her apartment complex come into view and began to speed up her pace, though, it wasn’t much. She made her way through the complex, feeling grateful for her past self for agreeing on an apartment that was closer to the front. 

After finding her home, she unlocked the door and made her way in, dropping her things onto her door side table. She worked her way towards her living room and looked around to find her cat before they could spook her, but she froze.

She noticed two dark figures sitting on her couch, petting her cat that sat in between them. She began to shake in fear, with only negative thoughts in her mind. This was not how she wanted to die. 

She heard a low chuckle come from one of the two and saw them slowly stand with their arms up to show that they weren’t holding anything dangerous. “It’s alright, Arabella. We mean no harm.”

She began to palm the living room wall to find the light, keeping her eyes on the intruders in front of her. She froze up once more upon actually seeing who it was. She recognized the two men as Diavolo and Barbatos. Two demons that she had met in her dream. Or was it even a dream at all? Arabella placed a hand on her forehead, mumbling incoherent words to herself.

Barbatos, lowered his arms and quickly made his way to her to help her find a seat. “Don’t stress too much,” he whispered.

“Y-you’re Diavolo and… and Barbatos.” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “I thought it was a dream,” she muttered.  “But you’re here,” she began to poke his face, trying to see if he was truly before her. “And you’re real. That means…” She felt her cheeks become warm. “Everything we’ve done…” She shook her head and looked up at Diavolo from where she sat. “W-what are you doing here?”

A look of grief flashed across the larger demon’s face. “We’ve come to talk to you.”

“About what?”

His eyes flickered down to her stomach for a fleeting moment. “Your child.” At the mention of him, Arabella placed her hands protectively on her stomach. “What about him?”

He brightened. “A boy? Oh, how exciting is that. Isn’t it, Barbatos?”

“Yes, My Lord.”

“Diavolo, what do you want with my child?” She asked him sternly. His smile faded. He had a far off look in his eyes as he laughed dryly. “For the year I’ve known you, it’s definitely not surprising that you’re this straight forward.” He sighs before pulling a seat for himself to sit in front of her. He clasps his hands together and leans towards her slightly. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that this pregnancy is far from normal.” 

She nods. “Yes, I was told that he’s due in two months.”

“He is no ordinary child, Arabella. He’s meant to be a child of a demon.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“I’ve done some research on you and your child. I believe the father is…” He paused and looked at the demon beside him. “Oh, who is the father, Barbatos?”

“Beelzebub,” He answered with no hesitation.

“Oh, yes, yes. The father is Beelzebub. I’m sure you remember him.” She didn’t answer him, just had the same look of shock. Beelzebub? But how? “Arabella, I need you to listen to me carefully.” She looks at him with furrowed eyebrows. His expression softens and he gently cups her cheek with his hand. “My, my, you’re just absolutely glowing with beauty.”

“Diavolo,” she snapped at him.

He becomes saddened. “You need to get rid of it.”

It took her a second to register what he said. “Excuse me?” She screeched at him. “I am not getting rid of him!”

“You don’t understand. You and your sister coming to our world was a test my father let me do. After what happened with you two, he’s convinced that demons, humans, and angels shouldn’t be connected in any way. If he finds out that you’re carrying-”

“I don’t give a shit what your father thinks!”

“Arabella, please-”

“I refuse to give him up. I thought you cared about the relationship between the three realms.”

“I do, I do, but he hasn’t let go of the throne yet. If it were my decision, I wouldn’t be forcing you to do this.�� He carefully places his hand on her lower stomach. “I’ll make it as painless as possible.”

Arabella felt a cold dread run through her body and she began to try to push his hand away. “Stop! Stop it, Diavolo!” She began to kick at his legs, scratch at his arms, anything to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t budge. He kept his eyes lowered and had a frown on his face. “Diavolo, please,” She began to beg as tears welled up in her eyes. She was about to lose her child. This thought began to make her cry harder. “Please, don’t hurt him! Don’t hurt Basil!”

He noticeably tenses up and looks at Arabella with wide eyes. He slowly pulls his hand away, keeping his gaze fixed on the human girl in front of him. She quickly covered her stomach and continued to slowly push herself away from him with her feet. “She gave him a name.” He looks at Barbatos. “He already has a name.”

Barbatos nods. “It seems to be that way, My Lord.”

Diavolo looks back at her. “Arabella-”

“Get out.” Diavolo isn’t shocked. Not even angry. He slowly gets up and places the seat back to its original spot. He turns back to her and she notices a pained look in his eyes. “I’m so-”

“Get. Out.”

Arabella blinked and the two demons were gone. She gave a sigh of relief and leaned back in her seat. She gently carressed her stomach, feeling much better knowing that he was safe. She thought about what she said earlier. Basil. There was no second thought about that name. It just… came out. She smiled to herself. “I’ll always keep you safe, Basil. Always.”

---

“Oh, Basil, my beautiful boy.” Arabella cooed at her son. She peppered gentle kisses on his forehead. “I love you… I love you so much.” Basil began to fuss and Arabella immediately knew what was bothering him; he was after all Beelzebub’s son. She hushed him as she adjusted herself to feed him once again, ignoring the slight pain she was already gaining. As he began to feed once again, she whispered to him. “You’re gonna be the kindest boy,” she giggles to herself. “Your father is also very kind. Handsome too. I wonder who you’ll grow to be more like… Will it be him or me?” She gently caressed his cheek. “I hope it’s your father.”

There was a gentle knock at the door before a nurse came in with a smile. “How are we doing, mom?”

Arabella beams. “Very good. He’s such a good boy, I’m really happy.”

“That’s wonderful.” The nurse peeks at Basil and giggles. “Oh, he’s quite a hungry boy.”

She laughs at the nurse’s comment. “Oh, you don’t even know.”

The nurse looked confused for a moment before collecting herself. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that you have some guests. I didn’t want to just send them in without telling you first.”

She looked away in thought. Who could it be? Her sister was dead, her mom gave up on her, and she hasn’t spoken to her father in years. She was curious. She looked back at the nurse. “What are their names?”

The nurse looked to the side in thought. “It’s two men with strange names - Diavolo and Barbatos. I think they're foreign."

Arabella clenched her jaw and forced a smile. "Yes, I know them. They can come in."

The nurse nods before checking that Arabella and the baby were good, with both vitals and necessities, and left the room. Arabella leans back carefully, mentally preparing herself for whatever was to come. 

She heard the door open and a pair of footsteps making their way inside. She watched as the two familiar men walked into her room.

“Arabella, look at you! Already a natural mother.” She glared at Diavolo who was now shifting on his feet at her silence. He lifted up his hands to reveal a bouquet of flowers  “I found these flowers for you. They’re native to the Devildom and I thought you would like them.” The bouquet of flowers he held were black with hints of fuschia. Arabella didn’t want to admit it to him, but she did like them. “I only want to apologize for last time.” She pulled her eyes away from the flowers to look at him. “I was hoping to maybe... compromise?”

Arabella furrowed her eyebrows and scoffed at him. “Compromise?” She hissed at him.

Diavolo’s eyes moved from her face, down to where she was feeding. A large smile bloomed across his face and he gently placed the flower on top of the overbed table in front of Arabella. “May I… hold him?”

She only narrowed her eyes and held Basil closer, giving Diavolo a silent refusal.

He flexed his fingers and slowly placed his hand on the edge of the bed, careful to not touch her. “Please. I won’t hurt him, you have my word.” Arabella looked away from the two. 

“I don’t want to compromise or whatever it is you want. I only let you in here to tell you to leave me and my son alone. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, Diavolo.” She looked away from the two.

His eyes widened a bit and he pulled his hand away. He forced a smile and crossed his arms. “Ah. I understand. Barbatos and I shall take our leave, then. Take care.”

It was now silent, aside from Basil noisily eating. 

Arabella released a large breath and looked back to where the two demons once stood. They were gone. She looked down at her still feeding baby and gently caressed his cheek with her thumb. She moved her eyes to the flowers on the table and she glared at them. She knew that this wasn’t over. Whatever Diavolo wanted, she knew he would get.

[mistwhisperexpress]

Types of SSO Players - Part Two

Because of the success of my first part (thank you all so so much by the way, it truly means so much that so many of you loved it <3), I decided to make a part two to this series, with the suggestion of possible future parts if people continue to enjoy this. I’ve been a little scarce lately, so it felt like now would be the perfect time to finally release this! Included are also the additions (with their permission) of those who suggested other types with my last one, so everything can be in a nice easy to find place. As always, please feel free to suggest more!

Part One

The lovely additions from other users, my additions to them are in italics;

The Loner @veronikamasterhouse - “Hi Bye” These players don’t ride with anyone and are more content to traverse the land and quests by themselves. Usually super polite for the two seconds you can converse with them. Then they’re off again galloping away for more solo escapades. May not even notice you, if they pay no attention to the chat.

SSO Is My Therapy @mirandashadowborn - Still running around even though they’ve done most of the quests (its relaxing). New horse breeds bring joy cause its something to live for. Quiet during meetups cause they feel like they’re bugging people. Plays at like 1am cause crowds make them nervous. South Hoof is likely a safe haven, and go to relax place, possibly Mistfall too. The soundtracks are just so beautiful okay, they ease my soul

The Horse Addict Please Send Help @sso-eden-dawnvalley - Has just spent the entire day at the barn riding/cleaning stalls only to come home and log on to continue taking care of virtual horses. Knows more random horse facts than any sensible individual. Gets regularly kicked out of roleplays due to correcting the other players’ horse characters if they aren’t accurate to real life horses

The New types;

The Role-Player - Any roles? “Wild role in Golden, say ‘meep’ to join! Tree stallys needed” I used to be this, do you guys still use asterisks? I’m always curious about what this scene is like now since RPing is how I found my love of writing and why I now write thousands of words at a time with my closest friend to create stories together, but I feel like it would be weird to just silently observe what’s going on. Is it a lot of standing? Do you guys actually do shit, like act it out? Is it all fancy and official? Or my like Animal Jam with all you see is zeniths? Anyway you’re cool, create your stories, you funky RPers, just remember to be safe and don’t do romance ones through the game, theres rules against it for a reason.

The No More - I am not getting another horse until I finish training the ones I have. I am not getting another hor- oops.

The Spender - I can hear my star coins crying. Has likely has 1000 or more star coins, and they’re all gone in a day. Probably less than an hour. How do I know this? Because this is me. I is this. Rest In Peace my star coins, you will be missed. 

The Character - Didn’t use their own name, gets very confused when both their real name and MC’s name are used. Has likely felt the infinite amount awkwardness of responding to the wrong name and then realizing they meant someone else, or accidentally ignoring someone for five minutes. Tiffany? Bitch who? Oh wait, that’s me.

Cherisher of Horses - Don’t talk to me or my son or my son’s son or my son’s son’s son ever again.

The Horse Lover - Has every horse, or at least one of each. Knows coat names and colorings and everything far too well. I envy you, you are the masters, I bow to you. Please share with me your infinite wisdom, oh wise one. I used to know all of this because I was a Horse Girl™ and collected Breyers like your bookshelf collects dust (I have over 300 and still try and go to Breyerfest every year please send help), but then my interest turned to writing and I uh, may have forgotten like almost everything except for roans and appaloosa variants like fleabittens and then of course dapples because any horse with dapples is my weakness, whoops?

The Explorer - Very close to the adventurous idiot, but with more method to their madness. Still tries to get into places they shouldn’t, though. Naughty bastards. They just want to see everything there is to see and climb all the things to climb. Probably also has routes to everywhere and each race memorized by heart.

And because I added them late and not many people saw them, here were my own additions to my last post;

The Collector - Stars, spiders, golden horseshoes, tokens, new clothes, horses, tack, EVERYTHING. The day is not done until every nook and cranny has been discovered and each horse and item is in my possession and the riches and spoils are mine.

The Achievement Hunter - Where’s the highest peak? Because I need to climb it. I will not stop until every page in this journal is gold. Gold, you hear me? Not silver, not bronze. Gold.

Witching Hour (because it was spoopy month time and still should be) - Always on at midnight, when the server is at it’s quietest. There’s not a peep from global, nor a pip from say. All the night is quiet on this darkest day. Players occasionally creep up from behind the upcoming hills of paths, but all is still silent as the world turns black. Probably sleep deprived with no schedule, likely an art person, though that may just be me since I write best at night and tend to play the game at night too whoops. Probably also The Loner, either by choice or by force because they're on at a time when no one else is alive.

[sarasfm]

Sarauniya “ Sara ” Davies, 24, pansexual, cisfemale, ISFP Enneagram 9w1; Pisces sun, Sagittarius moon, Pisces rising 1st year Advanced Encryption Major; did not go to a spy prep hs

Imma keep it real with you, chief, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. I mean, obviously, I know what espionage is ; I’ve read books and articles, and I’ve seen Spy Kids and all the Charlies Angels and James Bond movies, but I genuinely think I need a minute to wrap my head around everything. Make that two weeks, because what’s this I hear about two murders ?  I literally just got sent here to be safe, I — I’m sorry, I’m freaking out. Give me five seconds, and we can start again, because I promise I can totally pretend this is all normal. @gallagherintro​

full name: sarauniya “ sara ” davies

dormitory room: 105

birthday: 20 march 1995

soundtrack: “ go gina ” by sza

favorite dish: efo riro

aesthetic:  when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of light reflecting from her earrings, eyeglasses perched on top of her head, and a caviar iphone always in her hands

Bio Points

her mom’s a nigerian baddie billionaire & her dad’s a soft academic brit

she grew up between london and abuja where their family’s business is based. it’s a trading enterprise, the largest industrial conglomerate in sub-saharan africa

she’s the eldest of three siblings, was raised to be prim & proper and groomed to run their family’s business. her family’s not pushy though and they’re really cool. very healthy dynamic so she doesn’t mind ; she loves her fam and would do it w a smile !

Coding is her Passion though. total dork. stayed up all the time just sleuthing and being an internet geek since she was a youngin’

loves education and is the type who would willingly stay in school to learn. has a degree in economics from harvard and was almost done with her mba when her littlest sister got abducted !  was it about business ? money ? who knows ! the sister’s fine now but her family sure is Scared especially since sara’s alone in the big bad united states

her mom made some calls and went “ gimbiya, look, u aint safe n we sorry. we’ll work something out to make sure u get ur mba degree somehow but shit is wild so we gotta get u somewhere near that’s safe asap. u like studying & ur a geek with computers right ? cool beans, go back to school & welcome to gallagher, babe ”

she enters gallagher in the middle of the spring semester very overwhelmed & inwardly ignoring how unhappy she is about having to be here bc she is not & does not want to be a spy. she just tryna distract herself by looking at this entire thing as a weird vacation where she can do stuff she wasn’t able to before because it’s literally detached from the world. she is mostly probably in way over her head, but let’s see ! 

Other Information

Nicknames: Sara (to everyone), gimbiya (to family, means princess in Hausa)

Languages: English (native), Hausa (native), Arabic (C1), French (B2)

Strengths: is money a strength ? also coding. and being the sweetest. and a general smartypants but that’s in a university setting & gallagher probably doesnt give a fuck

Relationship History: only has one (1) experience. ( well,,, 2 if a three-second drunken kiss w kass counts ) his name’s royce and they’ve known each other since their bougie secondary school back in britain. started dating at sixteen and went to harvard together. they’re long term as fuck. he’s like her best friend and their families adore the couple & each other. got engaged last september and sara broke it off before leaving for gallagher, oof. she deadass milked the opportunity but lbr she wasnt rlly Feeling It so she’s kinda glad for the ‘valid reason’ to appear bc it rlly wasn’t Love for sara so boy bye

Physical appearance: 1.76m, 55kg, long black hair, slim and toned build

Classes: GEN 105, GEN 206, AE 101, AT 101, PE 101

Personality

the sweetest. v charming & sensitive to others & curious about things. enthusiastic too ! loves adventures & is very passionate. queen of empathy. 

she’s not stuck up even tho she loaded. she doesnt rlly talk abt her family having 12B or the fact that she’s an ivy league girl, bc she’s just generally very uwu 

easily stressed and flustered and overwhelmed ! man, gallagher’s gonna shook this goddamn academic dork to her core for the love of god someone pls get the aed ready

rlly fun !!! can be a lil unpredictable bc it b lyk dat for rich girls. loves her independence which she hasn’t maximized bc of her ex fiancé & responsibilities but it’s chill so chill totally chill, no ounce of further longing exists in the crevices of this girl’s heart

she is so not good with confrontation and is so allergic to conflict ok. she will sweep discomfort under a rug and lie on it ‘til it’s flat which makes her a queen of repression & conforming

is she easily overwhelmed & stressed ? yes, but she’ll try not to show it so much. it’s all mostly an internal monologue so don’t underestimate her pls. she’s v smart and competent. can be so competitive ( albeit mostly inwardly ) and a boss ass business bitch like her business momma bc that’s what she’s been training for altho she is still generally a soft bab so ... yeah, if u would be so kind as to Estimate her, that’d be grand

she needs to always be on top of her game. maybe not the best in the class, but definitely pushes herself to be her best, so a lot of late nights studying & won’t settle for bad grades ever. gonna be rough in gallagher bc she is not spy material ok, she’s just a pretty rich geek behind a computer

just imagine her as the nice girl in ur ap classes who’s a lil awkward & just so happens to be super hot & stinking rich

Fun Facts

has a six-month old rescue pup named sooty ! who kinda looks like a sheparnese

has a tendency to ramble if she’s comfy w u enough or mayhaps if it’s too much man 

is v diligent w keeping a journal & does it everyday 

likes to dance ! not super good but she likes it. hits da clubs for dat shit 

is a lil instagram famous bc she’s a gorgeous rich harvard girl & all that jazz. queen of selfies & of looking hot but doesn’t actually get to play around rip ffff 

doesn’t drink much bc she is an extreme lightweight and 2 is her tap out limit

if she’s had more than 2 drinks, she is Very Honest but still very ramble-y 

she is physically active but mostly just runs and does yoga. knows very basic self-defense. is not sporty, definitely not a fighter, may god have mercy on her soul

isnt a virgin but is not sexually experienced lmao lbr she kinda Itching to get out there 

don’t ask me what her accent is because i have no clue it’s all over the place

Established Connections — just bc i think y’all would like to know

kassandra sutton — internet friends ! loves kass to bits. have known each other since sara was 14. when kass was 18, sara took her on a grad trip to montreal and became a lil lowkey into her. doesn’t help that kass drunk kissed her & doesn’t remember lmfao. poor sara told her then-bf & they had a lil fight but they made up bc sara didn’t talk to kass for months. eventually they became friends again & now sara’s in gallagher w no idea that kass is a mf sutton & honestly, my girl is just very shook w everything 

Possible Connections

crushes — she does not know how to flirt. she is ,,,, p pathetic tbh but a real heckin cutie. will be super nice to ur bab ok  

flirtationships — sara and i r gonna continue to keep it real w u chieves, her ex fiancé royce was vanilla and bland as fuck. can u believe she has not been single in a decade ? ? someone give her love & attention & fluster this soft innocent child. get her Experienced but also dont hurt her

enemies/angst !!! —  or maybe do ! maybe hurt her. maybe obliterate her. maybe smash her poor heart to pieces, because tbh i would love that.  so someone pls for the love all things holy and divine, someone hurt her !!!!

fwb — probably just one (1) bc she’s still a romantic ? and she’s probably gonna want something exclusive even if it’s no strings attached and will surely want to ,.,. get to know them a little bit more first ,,, at least ideally , idk , maybe impulse & thirst gets the better of her one of these days who knows lets find out !

friends !!! — sara will love u ok. she may be a lil easily flustered but she’s doesn’t rlly give up on ppl quickly. as i’ve said, queen of empathy. probs feels v sorry for majority of the gallagher & georgetown kids bc, .,.,., this environment just screams highkey Trauma to her and she’s valid bc she’s right

mentors !!! — she hates feeling dumb ok she Always has to be on top of her game, so u can bet ur ass after her first meetings in her classes she goes to ppl going “ hey could u help me out w working out ? boxing ? firing a gun ? literally everything & anything ? ”   

anything & everything — meaning just come @ me & let’s talk about it uwu 

( did i just create georgina’s antithesis ? fuck yes, and i am sooo excited to have a child that’s not always plotting & scheming & being mean like y’all have no idea ;_; nywy, that was long bc shutting up and brevity are things i do not possess. whats up it’s ur og flower garden girl rose here aka bugleweed aka fiancée of many and lover of all, and i am open to anything and everything ! just drop an IM or hit dat like & ill slide in ur dmz w love, plots & sanitized hands x )

[fatesinthenight]

What about the Author? S/O being worried because he was out so much time so She goes after him, but its caught by some of Author's enemies?

You are eating alone for the third time. It’s starting to get to you. You know Author told you he was going to do something and it will take some time but you were getting worried. He hasn’t called you or sent a text to let you know he was alright. You don’t like it. You know how he and be secretive about what he does even if you tell him to be honest with you. He just looks you in the eye and runs a hand through your hair saying “It’s better if you don’t know…”

You loose your appetite and shove the plate away from you. Digging into your pocket you take out your phone and look up someone who would know where he could be.

“Hello?” Host answers.

“Host its me.” You tell him.

“(Y/N)? Host did not expect to hear from you.” He is surprised.

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you but I’m just worried and I thought maybe you could help me.” You fumble with the hem of your shirt.

“My brother is missing isn’t he?” Host said sighing.

“He said he had to take care of something and he hasn’t been back in three days. I’m worried about him.” You want him here with you.

“Author is the type of man that keeps to himself. He does as he pleases. When the Ego house was made he wanted no part in it and took off to like on his own. Of course he is not the only one Bing has his own place too. The Jims… Well it’s the Jims they practically live in their news van.” Usually that van is parked in the driveway of the house. “Even so Author doesn’t let us know how he is unlike the others. The never did get alone with anyone. Why do you think we were all surprised when you showed up?”

“And I thought Darling had a hard time with Dark.” You and Darling talk quite a bit when it came to people questioning who you are dating. “I know Author can be well a handful and I know he has done bad things but… He is also kind deep down… To me he is. I know you two don’t see eye to eye but please… If you know where he is please let me know.”

Host can hear it in your voice. Your scared for Author. He remembers when Author for once showed up at the Ego house and you were there holding onto his arm. It was the first time he met you and he is still in disbelief about it, so are the others they assumed Author had you under some influence. But you assured them it was not like that and even pouted at them all for thinking that way. Host saw it in your aura, it was pink and if Author was manipulating you he would have been able to see it in your colors.

“Host will see if he can find him. Don’t worry (Y/N).” Host assures you.

“Thank you Host. Bye.” You say in relief as you hang up.

Host puts the phone down and groans. He gets up from his desk in his library and walks to the booth that was just built in. He steps in and locks the door then turns on the “On Air” sign and sits down at the table. He pulls the microphone to himself and taps it to see if it is on. He channels himself and then speaks.

“The Author needs to respond to this now.” He said angry.

“O what do you know… Hello to you too little brother.” Author smirks hearing Host’s voice in his head. “For what do I owe the pleasure of you actually getting ahold of me?” He is twirling his bat around.

“Author tell be where you are now.” Host cuts to it.

“And why would I? You really do t want nothing to do with me and I don’t want anything to do with you. So if you got into your booth to contact me just for that then it was pointless.” Author saids casually.

“(Y/N) is worried about Author. Author is scaring her.” Host is getting more upset.

Author stops twirling his bat. “I know she is. You don’t think I know that.” He grips the bat hard. “I’m doing this for her.”

“Then get off your high horse and tell her!” Host grips his mic. “You are so selfish you know. Only thinking about yourself and not the people around you! Don’t you know she loves you!”

Author’s hand hurts from how hard he is holding the bat. “Don’t you dare think I am being selfish here. I’m trying to protect her and this is how I am doing it. So if you don’t mind I’m going to finish the job.”

Host tries to say something then Author cuts him off, snipping the connection. Host hears static knowing that he can’t reach Author again. He smacks his desk and curses Author. Back with Author he turns to a tied up man with a cloth gaging his mouth. He walks up to the tied up man and bends downs to eye level holding his bat behind him.

“So sorry about that. Little brothers came be so annoying.” He glares at the man in the chair. “So tell me again…” He takes out the gag. “Where are the others?”

“I’m not telling you shit!” The man spits as Author.

“Alright. Hard way then. I always preferred it that way.” He stuffs the cloth back in the mans mouth and readies his bat. “Swing batter swing.” He grins.

You look at your phone. You have been staring at it for two hours already. Your nerves are getting the best of you. Standing up you get ready to go out. Even if Host said he will find him you can’t wait anymore. You leave the apartment you share with Author and head out. You think where would he go and go to spots he likes to relax in. First you go where the batting cages are, lenders out his steam here. Then you walk by a coffee shop at a corner he enjoys writing in, he hates Starbucks thinks it’s too much. Looking into the window of the cozy shop you think of when you first met him. He spotted you walking in from a rainy day and buys you a drink. He tells you how you looked like the perfect heroine in a book. From then you two met up twice a week at the shop just talking. The memories make you more determined to find him. Next you go to this bar he visits every so often on a bad day. You walk in and look around, he is no where in sight. But you walk up to the bar tender just to be sure.

“Ummm excuse me?” You say softly. “I was wondering if you have seen my boyfriend around.”

The bartender shrugs. “You mean that writer guy with the bat? Nope haven’t seen him. Sorry.”

You look down. “O… Ok thank you.” Before you head out someone takes your hand.

“You know Author?” A man asks.

“I… Ummm yes. Do you know him?” You say cautiously.

“Yea. We drink together here. Good guy. You looking for him?” He don’t let you go.

You don’t like the vibe this man is giving you. “O well he did say he was out so I thought he would be her but my mistake I think he is on another spot. I will be good then.”

“Wait up its not right for someone like to to be walking around this late. How about I walk you there?” He smiles.

“O no. That’s alright I am fine.” You smile.

“You sure?” He gets closer to you then you feel something sharp poke your belly. “I insist…”

You know there is a blade pressing at you. You don’t draw attention to it and try to be calm. If you do anything this man is surely going to hurt you. “Alright… Author should be close…” You lead the way out with the tip of the blade now pressed to your back.

Once outside you just keep walking trying to keep yourself together but your hands are shaking so badly. “What is your aim here?” You say nervously.

“Your man has some things he has to answer to. He has been screwing with us for some time and he needs to pay for his actions. And you are going to help.” The man wraps a arm around your waist.

“What do he do?” You feel so gross inside with this guys arm around you.

“You see he came to us saying he can help us make some money. He took out his pen and wrote in his little journal and my buddies and I walked into a bank like nothing and everyone willingly gave us all their money. We were robbing people blind. He just wrote down what will happen and had all the people practically throwing their cash at us. We were living it up and he said he was bored and thought it would be fun never taking any money.” He leads you away from the sidewalk into an alley. “Then one day he came and said he was done. Said he was bored again and found something better. He left us all. But he stabbed us all in the back and wrote in his journal that the cops find us all. He laughed as he ran off hearing the sirens get louder. Too boot when my buddies and I said it was all his fault they didn’t know what we were talking about. Author messed with their heads so he will get off he hook!”

You take in what this man is telling you. Author really did go around finding new things to write about. You know about what he did to Daniel and Ryan. He didn’t care who the people were as long as they fit his story he kept writing, not caring what he did to them. Thinking about it makes your heart feel heavy, hearing this dark side of Author.

“I got a feeling it’s because of you.” He shoves you down. “I got out on bail and went to look for him. Next time I found him he was with you.” He picks you up and slams you to a brick wall. “He got soft. He turned on is because he met you. We had such a sweet thing going on and you ruined it!” He has the knife at your chest. “Now you have to pay for it.”

Two more men walk out snickering. The man who has you at the wall keeps the knife on you and his other hand brushes your cheek. “Honestly is sucks. Your actually pretty cute. Too bad your not going to look that way much longer.” He throws you to the ground again and the three men loom over you. Your crying and feel so scared.

“Author….” You whimper.

“Get the hell away from her!” Author rushes forward and swings his bat at full force. He knocks out one man and the other two jump him.

One guy grabs his bat before he can swing again and the other finds an opening and punches him in the stomach. Author takes his bat back and kicks one guy off him and swings at the second ones legs, sweeping him off his feet. He then slams the bat hard on the second mans back hearing a harsh crack. The other man still up jumps on his back and puts him in a choke hold. Author moves back hard and slams the man on the wall making him lose his hold on Author. Author then moves away and punches him right in the face knocking him out. Breathing heavily he turns to look at you then feels all the blood in his body go cold.

“Don’t move…” The man that was supposedly knocked out at first has you pulled agents him with a knife pointed at your neck. “Or she dies. Drop the bat”

He lets his bat fall. “You have me here now. You want me not her. I’m the one who needs to be punished, I’m the one that needs to die.”

“Author… no…” You cry.

“Take out your journal and write me a good ending then. I want my money and I want no cops coming after me. Your going to be writing my story the way I want it. So start scribbling or she get it.” He puts a hand on your waist. “I like her though so maybe I will keep her…”

Author glares so intensely. Without taking his eyes off of the man he takes out his journal from his hip,tucked at his pants. He had a pen from his pocket and placed it on the paper. He starts writing.

“The man will get everything he wants. He will have all of his money and riches.” He pauses. “However even so he can not fully enjoy it too much for he had just broken arms and legs.” The man falls over in pain. “No one can hear his screams.” The man is mute still yelling out. “He had of course made a horrible mistake or threatening and putting his filthy hands on the one I love. Now instead of his riches he will rot in prison without bail. His friends all the same. He will never come near me or (Y/N) again. The End.”

With the last words the story is over and he closes his journal, but he is not done yet… He picks his bat up again and lets it drag on the ground. He moves past you and drags the man out of your sight. You hug yourself hearing the smack of the bat over and over again. After a while it stops and he walks back to you, some blood on the bat and specks of it on his clothes. He does say a word and he just gets in his knees dropping his bat and pulling you into his arms.

“I’m sorry.” He brushes your hair. “Your at last person I wanted involved in this.”

You cry and cling onto him. “I was so scared… I thought… You… I asked Hist to find you and I could wait so I went to look for you and then…” You sniffle.

He lets you go and takes the journal out with the pen. “We are back home now.” You blink and you are back at the apartment. He lifts you in his arms and takes you to the bathroom. He sits you on the counter wipes your tears. He gets a wash cloth an puts it under the water. You watch him as he takes out the excess water and dabs it on your face. Then he leaves and comes back with an ice bag. He carefully puts it on the back of your head, you wince. It must have been when you were slammed to the wall. Author gives you the bag and you hold it to your head. Standing in front of you he looks away from you.

“I am not a good man.” He begins. “I have messed with many people. I got a thrill from writing. My characters even if they were real people were nothing but my pawns in the story of their life. Every time I got bored of them I write their end and move on to the next. I made quite the number of enemies.” He leans into the counter his arms on either side of you. “I never thought I would ever get attached to anyone. Hell I don’t even have that much of a relationship with Host and he is my brother. But I found it in you.” He looks you in the eye. “You made me want to have my own story. Not write someone else’s. If I was going to have my own story I wanted you in it. Now I don’t think I can… It’s best if you leave me.”

He gets a slap in the face. As he holds his cheek he looks at you surprised. “Stupid! You think I did not know who you are. I knew what you could do and your reputation. Even so I still fell in love with you. I wanted to be with you. When you asked me to live with you I was so happy. I love being with you, faults and all. You are trying to be better. That’s why you left. You were tying up all your mistakes so they would not come back to hurt us. You were gone because you were trying to protect me…” You look at him lip quivering. “So if you think after all of that that you will have me leave you then think again! I may be weak but I will not back down. I’m here and I want to help you be a better man. I know you can be better, I have seen it… So I’m going to stay here no matter if you like it or not.”

He just looks a you saying nothing. He closes the space between you both and cups your face in his hands and kisses you. His hold on you is so gentle but his lips are crushing yours. He doesn’t let you breathe and you cling onto his shirt. It feels like time was going slow until he stops and lets you take in a breath. He catches his breath too and buries his face to the side of your neck.

“I love you.” He whispers.

You smiles and hug him. “I love you too.”

Back at the ego house Host storms into Dark’s office. “Dark! I need to-”

Dark’s glare makes him silence. He can feel his gaze without even actually seeing it. It was then he hears a soft grown. He turns to the leather couch to see Darling’s figure there sleeping. He gets it now.

“Dark you have to do something about Author. He is being selfish and negligent to (Y/N). You know this is wrong we need to find him and-” Host said more quietly.

“It’s already taken care of.” Dark responds. “I just got a message from him. His problem has been dealt with. There is nothing more to worry about.”

“What? Dark you know him. I know him. What makes you think he won’t do this again? He is just going to keep doing what he always does and it is going to hurt (Y/N). It’s not fair to her. She deserves someone better than him.” Host goes on.

Dark just taps his fingers on his desk. “You don’t think he can change?” He stands up. “A person who has done so much wrong. Never being able to redeem them self. Someone who is not to be trusted or even given any pity. A second change that should never be theirs. Why does that sound so familiar?”

“Dark I admit you have shown you can be civil now. But Author he-” Host stops when Dark is in his face.

“You know I was the one who helped him find all those people he had to settle a score with. I gave him all he needed to go out there. I was the one he came to for help because he know I would understand. As much as I hate him he wanted to fix his mistakes for someone to be better.” Dark is flashing so much and his shell is cracking all around.

“Did you fix your mistakes too?” Host asked.

A little groan makes Dark look at Darling. They look cold and shiver rolling to their side. Dark takes off his suit and drapes it over Darling. They snuggle it and look peaceful and Dark kneels on the floor just watching them sleep.

“I made mistakes that can not be fixed. The only thing I can do it move on from them even if they continue to follow me. So as much as it surprised all of you people like me and the Author want to move on. We found someone worth changing for, just enough to be better for them.” He brushes Darling’s cheek. “If that is all you had to say then leave.” He doesn’t even look back at Host. He does however groan and hold his shoulder.

Host sees Dark has yet to recover from his bullet wound. It still aches at times. Host quietly leaves and goes to his room. He sits at his bed and takes out his announcer mic and speaks into it.

“Author… I’m sorry. Your trying… I’m glad you are.” He leaves it at that and turns off the mic then goes to sleep.

Author smiles or himself. He heard Host in his head. “Now you say it.” He snickers softly. He looks down at you sleeping soundly bedside you. He kisses your head and holds you close. Thinking of what you told him that made him love you.

“Your an author right? I think you should be able to write your own story and not everyone else’s. Don’t you think you deserve your own good story?” You smiled at him.

That is what made him love you. No one ever said he could have his own story. His own life. He smiles and drifts off to sleep thinking his story will only be a best seller if you were in there with him.

*well dam I wrote their whole story in a one shot… Ok we have a new couple now. Because the request said her I made it a girl but I will repost this again as it own thing and have it as “them” for the master list. Hope you liked this one. Now we need a name for this S/O.*

[pretty-volatile]

Sunday, January 10, 2021 4:19 am

I hate how often and how easy it is for me to change my mind to write or vent or journal. Sometimes its like I can think all the thoughts in my head but my hands or the process of typing is a barrier from my free flowing thoughts. I can’t keep up with how often it changes and how many typing errors I fucking make, which I kind of like typing on my phone because of the auto-spell or correct, I can just press the word I’m starting to type and I can just move on faster to keep up with my train of thought. I have so many head conversations either with myself, or with an imaginary therapist, or rehearse what I wish I could say to someone else about what’s going on or what happened or how I’m doing, but I never say anything because it’s too much and I feel like a bother. I can carry on and on and on about shit, but not a lot of people have time for that and sometimes I even tire myself out from all the thoughts and conversations I have in my head too. So it’s like if I’m this annoyed with myself, I can only imagine how others must feel trying to listen or read my rambles. So it just becomes screaming into the void either here or in my head and it’s really fucking lonely. But whatever I guess.

Um check in on like mental disorder(s)/symptom(s),,,,, OCD/intrusive thoughts/social anxiety/anxiety has been pretty yuck lately. Learned that the conversation flashbacks/loops that I get are intrusive thoughts which explain so much, I knew it must’ve been anxiety but now I know it’s my OCD with like a mix of social anxiety, so yay fml right? It makes me jolt. My head twitches. Feels like I’m getting punched/slapped in the face and like a fist around my heart/pressing into my chest/tightness in my chest. It’s usually accompanied by visuals of myself beating myself up. Like I’m the one doing it but also feeling it. It sucks. For bipolar stuffs,,,,,I have no fucking clue right now????? I have a horrible sleeping schedule as always. staying up too late, sleeping in too late, gets in the way of my everyday life. I can’t get enough of it, but it’s so hard to go to sleep and stay asleep and to feel well rested when I wake up!! Most essential if you don’t want me to wake up cranky or grumpy. I’m not suicidal so that’s good, but I am tired mentally and physically for sure. Work is just so fucking exhausting with holidays, good insiders/drivers leaving, training new hires, the fucking pandemic and being one of the few places that are open late and we were only pick up or delivery from the very beginning anyway so business for my boss has just taken off since last year. I really survive off of weed and cigs and my partner and the internet I guess. Should i maybe go on meds for adhd/ocd/bipolar? Yeah probably. Do I want to go back to the same people? I’m nervous. Do I want a brand new person to go to? Even MORE nervous. Like would I offend the other therapists/psychologists if I went to see someone new and had to request info from them? What if they don’t believe my diagnoses and I have to start from brick one? I’m still hurt that the both of them knew I was suicidal and didn’t check in on me when I wasn’t responding or scheduling new appointments. Unless they assumed I was going to go into a manic episode and figured I’d run off/disappear form them anyway?? I’m hoping it’s that and not that they didn’t actually care about me...but that’s also why I would be nervous to go back to the same psychologist. I definitely would want a new therapist if I ever went back just because I want to start new and give a more holistic view and now I know a little more what I need to work on. Kinda. Not really, but better than someone with no therapy experience at all at least. I mean I was seeing her for almost 3 years so...The psychiatrist I had only been seeing for almost a year, which makes me nervous to go back cause he probably just sees me as flaky. Can’t blame him if he did. So yeah I don’t know what kind of mood state I’m in, but I know I’m not in the extremes. Difficulty sleeping, sometimes irritable, executive dysfunction, intrusive thoughts, mentally/physically tired. meh. Like I’m not horrriiibbbllleeee but I’m not great either. I’m just getting by, which is about as much as I can ask for I guess. 

There’s one particular incident that happened with my step mom over me giving my lil sister info about LGBTQIA+ stuff and it got out of hand really fast. Looking back I can’t remember much what I said, but I realized I was very emotionally charged/intense/very sensitive and I kinda might’ve said some shit that hurt her feelings and she still hasn’t talked to me since. According to dad I just need to give her time to cool off, but this apology conversation for me feels like I’ll emotionally need a more in depth conversation because it sprung up a lot of triggers and I feel like I just need to talk to her and explain that while I know feelings aren’t facts and I did act out of hand, but they were caused by my certain perceptions be they skewed by my mental disorders or by not knowing the whole picture, I still felt hurt and here’s why I lashed out. Let’s address these things so I don’t do it again, hopefully. Some of it is related to blood vs not blood family, feeling like I was being inappropriate, that she shared with my lil sister that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past, it felt like she didn’t trust me or trust that I can be a good influence on my lil sister. It also felt like she was intimidated that my sister would come to me about that stuff rather than her. It felt like an attack on me, which made me last out. Which I’m sure she didn’t mean it, but I would like to think she’s someone I could hopefully address those things with and clear that stuff up. And to also show her why I was how I was in the past and how I’m different and have learned from those mistakes and why she should be able to trust me now. She’s been in my life since I was a small kiddo, but she hasn’t been a part of everything if that makes sense and because I feel like she didn’t have control over what was going on, she is kind of holding that over my head in the way that she reacts to me and kind of how she’s talking with my lil sister, so I want to nip that in the bud as soon as she’s ready to talk to me again and will let me re-explain and re-apologize (but about different stuff that is). 

Anygay I’m done typing for now. I’m tired, hungry, and wanna smoke so let’s just pretend this never happened. bye

[ravensimps]

WELCOME TO GOTHAM PART 6

"Arf!Arf!" I am woken up by Lily jumping on my legs? Wait why is there no pain!? I throw the covers off of my body and use my powers to take the bandages off "SHIT!" The wound has healed completely, I grab my phone and check the time. 9 Am "Ok normal people in this situation call a doctor...Lee!" I call Jim and hope Lee is close by.

J: Hello?

R: Hey Jim! It's Raven...Is Lee around?

J: Uh she's not with me right now, Why?

R: Oh I have an issue with my wound, I need Lee's opinion.

J: Harvey and I will be by soon, I can bring Lee with us.

R: That's perfect! Thanks Jim.

I hang up and use my powers to grab my Laptop. "Where does a girl find a hitman...Dark Web" I mumble and get to work.

XX

"Found you" I have been on the dark web for about 10 minutes and I have finally found a number for Zsasz, I take out my phone and call him.

R: Zsasz?

?: Who is this? Who is my target?

R: It's uh Raven...

?: Raven? As in pain in my ass?

I laugh.

R: Yup that's me! You know I had to get your number from the dark web?

Z: Well I am a hitman, What did you expect? A Facebook page?

"Definitely Zsasz" I laugh.

R: Well to be fair I wasn't expecting your ringtone to be Funkytown, So why not?

Z: Why did you text me? You know you can be arrested for talking to a hitman on the dark web, Right?

R: But I'm not hiring you...I thought I should have a way to contact you in case of an emergency.

Z: Aw is someone getting attached?

I can already tell he is smirking!

R: Don't flatter yourself.

Z: You have already gotten close to me hm...3 times now If there is a 4th I won't hesitate.

I blush and close my laptop as there are 3 rapid knocks on my door, I throw the covers back over my legs "Come in!" I yell and wait as Jim, Harvey, And Lee walk in.

"Morning" Harvey smiles and I feel a little bad because Harvey is so sweet and nice and I do like him, "So I have a slight issue with my wound" Lee looks curious "What do you mean?" She asks "Uh W-Well it's gone" I stutter and Harvey laughs "This is a joke right? It hasn't even been a week" I sigh and stand up "Look no wound at all" I show them my leg and I walk around " W-What!? How is that possible?" Harvey and Jim start talking and whispering to Lee. "I have no idea, Raven may I take some blood?" I nod as far as I know my blood is not affected by my powers, "I'll be right back my bag is in the car!" And she bolts out of the door! I notice Harvey is staring at my legs "Uh Harvey?" He looks at me "Eyes up here" I laugh as his cheeks are now a bright shade of pink "Sorry" He mumbles and I sit down "Ah I can finally cross my legs!" I smile and grab my phone to text Zsasz.

R: Jim, Harvey, And Lee are here.

Z: Already? I get Jimbow and Harvey but why the doctor? 

R: Uh my leg was super painful so she brought me stronger pain killers.

Z: I'll be there around 7, Let me know when they leave.

R: Will do.

"Raven?" I look up at Jim "What's up?" He sits down beside me "We got a look at the bullet and It is untraceable so I am 100% Positive Victor Zsasz shot you, He has the motive but I can't do a thing unless you let me look into this and possibly bring him in" I laugh "Do you really think Zsasz will just come in with you? I don't know him but I know a hitman is almost never arrested" Jim sighs "What do you want to do?" I shrug "Just leave it alone, I don't have the wound anymore anyway so it is pointless and I have nothing to show against him" Oh that reminds me "Harvey?" I ask with the most innocent smile ever "Yes Raven?" He smirks "Well remember what you asked me when my leg healed?" And the smirk gets bigger "You still want to go on the date?" I nod "Of course!"

"I got my bag!" Lee barges in and runs over to me "Ready when you are Doc" I laugh and let her do her thing.

XX

10 Minutes later Lee packs away her stuff and the vials of my blood, I turn to Harvey "So about that date?" I smirk "How's Saturday sound?" 3 days away "That's perfect, Can I have your number?" He nods and puts his number in my phone "Thanks Harvey" I take my phone and I notice he let his hand purposely linger on mine "So, What are we doing today?" I ask both Jim and Harvey "We actually have to leave, We're in the middle of a murder case" My brain goes a little crazy "Oh murder tell me more" Harvey laughs "Jim and Lee went on a date to the circus and a fight broke out, After speaking to the Ringmaster they went outside and the Snake dancer was found dead" I sit up on my knees "Are there any suspects?" Jim nods "Both Lovers and possibly her son" I tilt my head "Son?" Harvey nods "Yeah he's actually about your age, His name is Jerome Valeska" I mean he's not really my age "Wow, You know I could help out if you want? I'm good at getting people to open up" Jim shakes his head "It won't be possible, Your not a cop or anything to do with the GCPD" I laugh "Yeah that's true but I am the only one that stayed and helped you survive with Zsasz, Do you seriously think they will stop me? That would only make the GCPD look bad" Harvey laughs looking pretty impressed "She has a point we can always bring her in as a consultant on the case or something" I like Harvey even more now, "I'll see what I can do" Jim mumbles quietly knowing Harvey and I are right "Yay!" 

They get a call a few seconds later and after talking for about 5 minutes they say goodbye and leave.

XX

I head to the kitchen picking up Lily's bowl on the way "Let's celebrate my leg healing while we can...What do you say? Extra chicken?" I say in a baby voice "Arf!Arf!" Lily jumps around in a circle, I use my powers to get Lily her chicken and fresh water. I put her bowls back down on the mats and she digs in "Ok now what should I make?" I mumble looking in the fridge. I decide to make sunny side up eggs, Bacon, Sausage, And a cup of coffee.

XX

Around 25 Minutes later I finish cooking, Plate the food, Make my coffee, Grab my phone, And Laptop, Then finally sit down at the kitchen table. I watch my favorite YouTuber Pyschadelicsnake playing Fatal Frame 2 as I eat. I check my phone and I remember I have to text Zsasz "You know what? I'm gonna try a call".

Z: What!?" 

R: Wow someone got grumpy fast.

Z: Maybe I just don't like you.

R: Oh I know you just see me as a 'Pain in your ass'...Was it? Anyway, I only called to tell you Jim, Harvey, And Lee left about 30 minutes ago.

Z: Ok you told me bye.

He just hung up on me! "Dick" I growl and go back to eating and watching the video.

XX

I finished my food and coffee within the first 15 Minutes and the other 45 was just watching the game. I put my cup and plate in the sink, I use my powers to send my phone and Laptop up to my room, I go into the living room to grab my bedding.

I grab my quilt in my arms and use my powers to carry my pillows as I head upstairs, I make my bed and of course Lily hops up on it and starts playing. I change into Grey PJ flannel shorts and A long sleeved top, I go back downstairs and use my powers to put the sofa bed away 'I'm so happy my owner's leg is better!'  I smile and pick up Lily "Let's go and hang out in my room huh?" I laugh as she licks my face and carry her upstairs.

I grab a pillow and put my laptop on it as I sit on my bed "Maybe I should write a journal?" I ask myself and Lily "Arf!" I laugh "I'll take that as a yes" I start typing up what happened the first day I got here.

XX

Click. I look at the time and it's only 6 Pm "Hello?!" I yell and wait to be fair if it is Zsasz he wouldn't tell me, So I put my leg on the pillow and wait.

"Did you get stuck up here!?" Zsasz laughs coming up the stairs "Um maybe" Shit what do I do!? "Your wearing trousers?" He knows somethings wrong "Uh I was cold" Oh no he comes over and sits on the bed beside me "Your very red Little Bird, You wouldn't be lying to me would you?" I take a breath "No I'm just nervous with you so close to me" He smirks and puts his hand on my leg slowly getting closer to my thigh "OK! I lied!" I push his hand off of my thigh and move to the other side of the bed "My leg healed" The smirk vanishes and he looks crazy " I KNEW IT! YOU DID SOMETHING!" He yells standing up "NO I DIDN'T! SHOOT ME AGAIN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!" I yell back and he smirks "Nope! Get dressed because now you need to explain this to Falcone" I shake my head "I'll make you a deal, Fight me. If I win I don't go to Falcone, If you win I go and tell him everything" And there is that creepy smile again "Deal" I put Lily in her travel cage so she doesn't get hurt and we head downstairs to the open space.

He takes off his Jacket and guns before laying them on the sofa, He is now in his shirt, Jeans and boots. We make our way to the middle of the floor and get ready.

I throw the first punch and he easily blocks it by grabbing my arm, Spinning me around and pushing his chest into my back "Aw did someone lie about being able to fight?" He mocks me as he lets go of my arms, I laugh and sweep his feet out from under him "No I was bed bowned remember?" I smirk as he gets up "Ok" He growls and lunges at me I block all but 1 of his rapid punches "AGH!" His fist hit my nose and I felt it break "Don't touch me!" I yell as he is about to walk over to me, I groan and put my nose back in place before standing up "You haven't won yet" I groan and get ready for round 2. 

He throws the first punch this time but I can feel him pulling his punches...So I snap I punch him in the face while he is off guard and it knocks him to the ground "Don't pull your punches!" I yell and wait for him to get up, He spits out blood and his eyes have changed to a look of pure anger "Fine" He seethes and lunges at me again, This time its punch after punch and I can barely keep up! His fist connects with my jaw and I fall to the floor but he is not done...He grabs my throat and slams my back down on the floor "What the hell are you doing!?" I gasp and he realizes what he's done as he lets go of me "I win" He simply says and I run upstairs, Grab Lily and stand at the back of the room. When I was decorating this room I installed a panic button and when I push the button an alarm will sound very loud and a metal wall will drop down, I will push it if he comes anywhere near me.

"You better be getting dressed!" He yells from the bottom of the stairs "No! I am not going anywhere with you!" He thunders up the stairs and glares at me "We had a deal" I back away "Yeah that was before you almost killed me!" He tilts his head but I continue "If you come any closer I will push this panic button" He raises his hairless eyebrows "A panic button, Really?" I nod "Prove it" I smirk and push the button, The wall drops and the alarm blares throughout the loft! I make Lily temporarily deaf so it doesn't hurt her ears and Zsasz bolts downstairs, I sit on the floor and wait for police to come I am done with Zsasz.

End Of chapter 6! Hope you enjoyed it I know it has been a while.

-Ray

[melonoverlord]

📖 for Ravi, Val, and Tam

Ravi

Month 4, Day 12

Dear Journal,

I’m sorry I didn’t writein you yesterday or the day before. We were going after the bad man’s ship andwe found new friends! I think my favorite one was Miss Ciri; she was reallynice to me and Crumb and she even gave me a hug before she left for Therion!Well, I actually hugged her but she accepted it so that’s kind of the samething. I know that things haven’t been very good for anything, but I think usbeing nice to them is making them happier! They didn’t fight me when I conductedthe test and that’s always a good thing. When they come back from Therion, Iwant to try talking to them more. I didn’t get to speak to Mister Castor or Mx.Icio all that much but I think they’re really cool! I want to be like MisterCastor when I grow up and be the leader of a revolution. Also he and Miss Cirihave cool hair like Mister Tam and I can’t wait until I’m big enough that MissLuna lets me dye my hair.

Now that the new peopleand Miss Val left, the day’s been kinda lonely. Me and Crumb went to the GameFloor and played bowling for a little bit but I think Crumb’s not strong enoughto throw a bowling ball. I still have some trouble throwing it but I think I’mdoing better. Miss Luna came down and helped me throw the ball correctly and Ithink we finally got to have a long talk! I told her how I was doing witheverything and my problem about sometimes not remembering things. I think she wantsto keep an eye on me and make sure I’m okay but I really want to just be seenas an employee too and earn my keep. It doesn’t make things good that I’m onlyeight and a half and the next oldest person is over ten years older than me(though even then people still sometimes treat Miss Val like a kid) but I justwish people saw me more than just a kid.

Well, I won’t keep youtoo long, journal. I’m sure you have a lot of important journal-y things to dobeing a journal and all. I will write in you again next time somethinginteresting happens. Bye!

 Val

Month 4, Day 10, Hour 16

My attempts to recreateB3rT13’s hardware, at least on a smaller scale, have been somewhat successful.Physically the translation between B3rT13 and version 1.0 of the RedistributionProject, of whom I named Phoebe, is a perfect copy, just several feet smallerand built to resemble factory conditions. I still have yet to test whethercommands and movements will act the same once deployed, but I haven’t gottenaround to building a tiny B-Mark gun. The main differences between Phoebe andB3rT13 lie in their cognitive abilities. Granted, when I built B3rT13’s mentalprocessing systems I was simply building on an older model but now I ambuilding Phoebe’s processing systems from scratch, she doesn’t recognize voicesor faces like B3rT13 can, and has a lot more trouble speaking (where the otherhas the problem of not shutting up), and can only say a little bit more thanher name and my name. And “Ow fuck” because apparently I say that wheneversomething blows up in my face. Environment stress tests will be conducted tosee how Phoebe reacts against other creatures. Reactions against subjectsCastor Rafel and Ciri ???? have proven fruitful with no stressors ignited.

Now that at least thatpart’s done, I can do the personal part of the journal, or how Luna says it“I’m still technically in therapy so I should log my feelings”. It took me fiveyears, but I finally got to meet the famous Castor Rafel. After how highlyeveryone spoke of the Rafels and the fact that they’re war heroes, I expectedCastor to be taller? Like you look at Perseus Wright and I maybe be a hugelesbian, but that guy is hero material. Though I definitely see myself in himwhen I got here. I had my share of breaking shit too. God, I broke so muchshit. Good in a fight though.

Ciri is a fucking breathof fresh air. Not that I discredit any of the biologically minded peopleaboard, but finding someone who appreciates technology is a blessing. PoorNivviah tries to understand when I talk to her about my work but since she’s afish and Theuthida has that conservative backwater politics, she had no fuckingclue what I was talking about. Ciri though at I can have a conversation. Itfeels weird saying this since she’s like five years older than me, but shereminds me of how I used to be before I joined… back when I still had. Anyways,I’m glad she trusts me to keep her secret safe and I’ll do anything I can tohelp her. Tech ladies got to stick together, ya know?

I had pegged Icio as theloner type, but they are incredibly good in a fight. They fucked up my botspretty good and they all passed the “Ravi test” so that’s a plus in my book.When they… molted (?) scales, that was honestly one of the grossest shit I’veever seen in my life. And I’ve seen a lot of gross shit. I mean, they mean wellbut I was thoroughly disgusted. From a scientific standpoint, I will definitelyask Nivviah if that’s happened to her.

Besides our newcrewmates, I think that’s all the news. I still miss you guys a ton and I’mtrying to make you proud. I know I’d do a lot fucking better if you were withme. I love you both so much.

 Tam

Morning?

We finally got our firstnew set of recruits in four years and I couldn’t have asked for a better set.The girl with them is really pretty and she’s super sweet, but that’s not why Ilike them! I mean sure, Miss Ciri is the nicest girl I think I’ve ever met (Imean the only girls I’ve been around in the last ten years are Luna, Nivviah,Venus, and Valerie and although I love them all they’re not entirely known forbeing “nice”, except maybe Nivviah. Don’t get me wrong, Luna’s my best friendand she’s been incredibly kind to me, but I guess there’s something differentabout Ciri.

They left yesterday forTherion to help the Wings of Freedom, so I’ve just been lounging about. Lunaasked me to spar with her and for once I actually knocked her to the groundwith my staff. I think I’m finally getting comfortable with fighting but I knowI have a long ways to go before I’m actually on the ground. I think…. I thinkeventually I will have to ask Luna if I can go on a mission to practice. I’mdefinitely not going anywhere where humans are, but I think I’d be okay goingto one of the outer planets like Alternia or Scylla. I heard the Dryads arepretty nice too.

Also in the meantime,I’ve also started spending some more time with the resident children on theship. Ravi’s been teaching me some biology stuff and been poking around in thelab of various creatures we’ve found on different planets. It’s been reallycool getting to talk to the kid. I think sometimes he gets a bit antsy nothaving anyone to talk to despite how hard the rest of us try. Well, I think Val’strying to talk to him more about science seeing how that’s really where hispassion is, but a lot of that goes over my head. I mean, growing up all thatwas really expected of me was to play the violin. It’s been fun though. I’ll havesomething to show everyone when the group comes back from Therion. I’m tryingto establish more of a bond with everyone on the ship rather than just Luna. I’mtrying. Stars knows I’m trying. I guess that’s it for now. Goodbye for now.

[mstrangebird]

2018

I posted this on my other blog but still I want to have this here.

I finished my wrapped up on January 3rd around 3 in the evening. I wrote them down in 2 different blank pages. At the beginning, on January 1st if I’m not mistaken, I wrote on my laptop, separated them into some sections like usual but then, it got hard. I didn’t know why. It was just really hard to rewind everything in my head, so I stopped. In the afternoon of January 3rd, I tried again. But then I chose to write on my journal book with my hand. I didn’t separate them and just poured everything that I felt it was needed for reflection. And I successfully finished it with a good bye and warm smile still hoping it won’t go away.

I read them few times. And I decided I won’t publish all of them. I remembered what the purpose of writing down what happened in a whole year is: for reflection, sorting out what’s good, so I can keep it up and what’s bad, so I could do better. I, right now, somehow question myself why I put them here in a first place if it is pure for my own way to reflect. Weird, but I did.

It is (((too))) personal. That’s my main reason

Every time I typed something, I ended up erasing it. Gosh. This is my weakness. Once I told a very simple thing, the other would follow. I can’t really sort of what needs to be posted.

Anyway…

Have you ever felt so stuck? That you just stood there without knowing what road you should walk on? That you just saw people around you creating their own paths, yet you couldn’t move your feet? That you chose to block everyone and locked yourself till you felt better? That you stayed up till dawn and blamed yourself for every shit you made? That you even drowned yourself into other fictions, so you didn’t need to face your own story? That you even had suicidal thought because you felt so useless comparing to people out there? That you felt so tired just to interact and talk, so you said no literally to everyone?

That paragraph above described exactly what I felt more than half of 2018.

I’m not proud that I let my thoughts consumed me, but I can learn so many things.

If you happen to know me in real life, you probably can see that I didn’t make big things. Graduate, for example. I might seem don’t care at all. Just so you know, I care too. I also have the plan in my head.

I just checked out my goals in 2018, and I didn’t even achieve half of them. And the weird feeling is I’m okay with that. I might not achieve “those big things” and step into the higher state of life. There was a hurricane inside me that kept raging, that needed to be handled. Conquered it, and now I’m here. It was like going thru some huge wave in the ocean and finally land in a peaceful shore with the breeze and the bird flying around.

Things that I wrote were something that needed to be seen. The result of real actions, like yeah graduating or going to music festival. But then, something unexpected came, just like that. It shook my inner system and almost destroyed my brain. It was not easy. Waking up because a really bad dream or unable to sleep because too many bad thoughts. I couldn’t even choose how I should spend my night. It was always been those two. There was nothing in between.

The rest of 2018 was all about taking care of myself. I felt bad for friends who tried to reach me, but I pushed them away. I was trying to figure something out; figuring how to feel okay again; figuring how to manage myself, even pushing myself to do more.

All I need was feeling happy and content. Stop comparing myself to them. Trying to be zen.

I even tried to eat more veggies and fruits, to avoid coffee if I haven’t had heavy meal, to have lil workouts, to wake up early for morning prayer, to be on-time, to write on my gratitude journal every morning, to write down what to do tomorrow on the night before, or just small thing like washing the dishes right after I used them. I was trying to have a routine to feel useful. Not only laying down for too many youtube videos and tv series or scrolling twitter’s timeline.

I dealt with something inside me. It was something you couldn’t see.

I was just trying to take care of me despite what people might think of me. I don’t care how many times I mentioned trying or tried. But really, I tried so hard living my best life. Figuring something out. Cutting all the things that made me insecure and worried. Wow I looked like a coward. But for that, I’m proud of myself.

What I achieved in 2018 is unseen, just like I said above. It is something that I feel within.

I would be lying if I said I’m not worried anymore, but 2019 is the new hope; to achieve them all.

Thank You, God! For allowing me to enter another year. For giving me what I need. For the relief feeling to accept everything. For every small thing which turned out to be really mattered.

Thank you, Mom&Dad for yeah, the patience, waiting for me to graduate. I know you already planned the outfit for my graduation, tho. But please, wait a little more.

Thank you to all my friends. I know I wasn’t being a good friend. I pushed away many times. With this, I hope you understand.

Thank you for everyone who comes and goes. Literally everyone. I know your presence mattered.

And I thank me. For going on though it hurts. For staying strong though the hurricane blows.

And last. My latest discovery on music, BTOB. It may look really cheesy (((REALLY CHEESY))) but really, these 7 dorky guys made my 2018 lighter. Like, every time I felt so done with my thesis or the chaos in the world, I would just open my Spotify and played their music or go on Youtube and watched some hilarious things they did. I’m surprised it helps. Wow.

2018 was something. A roller coaster which helped me to find my core again. It wasn’t sweet, ofc. But I’m glad I could handle.

To you, people out there, the ones who have this war in mind; the noise inside the head; the bad thoughts around midnight, hold on… we’re going thru this.

I’ll end this here or I’ll maybe spill out more, and that’s not good.

(finally finished this on January 14th, 2019 around 12.17 AM)