#as always click for better quality on this wretched app

[lildoodlenoodle]

Some style experimentation doodles

[dork-cresswell-blog]

screams i love him and rereading this app gave me so many feels i died. have at it babes.

♔ INTRODUCTION

HELLO!! I’m Snow, I’m 20 years old and I’m from the (GMT)+3 timezone. I use she/her pronouns.

♔ ACTIVITY

I’m active in one other rpg currently, and I have college to keep me a bit busy at times ( a BIT lmao) but I always make time for rp, and I can safely say I’ll be online 6-7/10 of the time.

♔ HOW DID YOU FIND US?

A whiiiiile back through the hp rp tag.

♔ HOW ARE YOU?

Nervous? And excited!! And very giddy bc i fell in love with the character I’m applying for and I can’t wait for the chance to play them in this verse ekbfuceos Ikwdcn!!!

♔ WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?:

Weirdly enough I never thought of this before, but I suppose – Neville Longbottom. Or Severus Snape. I can’t decide.

♔ ANYTHING ELSE?

nope

IN CHARACTER

 ♔ DESIRED CHARACTER

Dirk Cresswell.

♔ FACE CLAIM

My absolutely number one choice for dirk would be Ezra Miller. He just has the exact look I had envisioned for Dirk while writing him out in my head, especially in Perks – the easy-going attitude, the dramatic hand gestures, the charming smile, the confidence, and the slightest touch of flamboyance. If the admins can’t see him working, I could go for landon liboiron, who shares similar qualities with Ezra but isn’t quuuite what I’m looking for – in a pinch, Xavier Dolan could work for me, but he doesn’t have nearly enough smiley gifs tbh he needs to be less emo (still pretty tho my GOD) or nico Tortorella, who has the confidence and positivity but not, er. The gait, I suppose? I dunno, but I’m really hoping Ezra works for you guys, he’s really the best choice I could think of!! (for some reason Miles Tiller just doesn’t click?? With me?? At all??)

♔ REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I love, love, love building characters up from scratch. Writing out a character from the ground up and layering them with complexities, with virtues and vices and faults, with feelings and insecurities and demons of their own, I love it. It’s the most exciting thing I could think of, and I love writing characters with blatant, intriguing contradictions – the elegant lady with a lion’s roar, the honest man who is a hypocrite as well, the boy who both craves and hates the idea of affection, at once – I love exploring their nuances, seeing how they play out, how their traits push and pull at one another and make the character whole, alive and breathing as though they were real. I guess you could say it’s my passion. It’s also why I tend to choose characters who were barely canon, or who were ocs of the roleplay. It gives me a wonderful amount of freedom to be creative, and I like to take full advantage of that.

Dirk Cresswell strikes me as someone who is confident and arrogant and a little flamboyant, but hardly with the self-esteem to match. he’s petty and competitive and a little dramatic, but he’s also rather clever, intelligent, and competent. He is kind, and loyal, and unforgiving. Betrayal is a sin, an unforgivable sin, and yet what he does with Aversio is not betrayal to his friends – protection, justice, It Has To Be Done. He gives it a hundred names, a hundred reasons, and learns to shoulder the guilt and adjust to the weight of it and keep moving. (he is yet to forgive himself for it, but he was never deluded enough to think justice was easy to come by. If the price for their safety is to taint his relationship with them, then he is willing to pay such a price.)

(the thought occurs to him, once – would it be betrayal if he were to simply severe ties with them, if there were no friendships for him to forsake, if he were not forced into a conflict of loyalty and justice? would he have to betray his friends if they were simply no longer friends? The thought is dismissed with a wry abruptness – perhaps a braver soul than him could go through with such a thing, perhaps a better man than him would do it. Dirk is content, for now, with reminding himself of why what they’re doing is important, why Aversio is the only way.)

He is an arrogant boy with an inferiority complex. He is driven by his emotions – he loves and he loves fully, with an open heart, but he never trusts with the same ease, he was a boy who was shown love and taught not to trust it. in his veins thrums a desire for justice, for fairness, for equality, it beats and it burns like a second heart, it keeps him awake some nights and it keeps him moving. It drives him, this keen sense for right and wrong.

Dirk is not an idealist, however. He is an optimist, though his optimism is not born of naivety – it is not born of ignorance, of innocence, he knows of tragedy and he knows of prejudice and of oppression, but seeing the best in life and the best in people is what he chooses to do, what has helped him past the dreary days when he’d thought there would be no light at the end of the tunnel.

to further show how I envision him to be, I would like to expand on some of his traits:

+ TALENTED:

Dirk’s magical talents were difficult to miss, even to those who really, really tried, and it was not entirely for the considerable amount of bragging on Dirk’s part – though, arguably, that was a large part of it – but his hands, deft with potions and charms and defensive spells, where quick to catch people’s attention, and keep it. his exceptional dueling skills had not gone unnoticed, either, not by his teachers, and certainly not by his pureblooded schoolmates, who have repeatedly tested his abilities first hand.

+SOCIABLE:

Dirk is That One Kid that knows everyone, and who everyone knows. He joined every extracellular activity the school had to offer at one point or another, he never missed a chance to hang out and have fun, and he was always interested in meeting new people and making new friends. His easy humor and confident attitude drew people to him and relaxed them in his company, his optimism and cheeky remarks making him an uplifting presence to have around. He is secretive, however, keeping his emotional troubles and inner demons far away from preying eyes, even those he considers close, preferring to pull a cheery grin upon his lips than admitting to the guilt than is slowly chipping away at him from within.

-TRUST ISSUES:

Dirk has been shown love and taught not to trust it. a parting gift, from his mother, one could say. he finds difficulty – immense difficulty – in sharing his troubles, or his secrets of any kind, with anyone. he loves and he cares about his friends and there is very little he wouldn’t do for them, but trust is something that is difficult to come by, for him, and it is something that frustrates his friends to no end.

-ARROGANT:

Dirk has an exaggerated sense of his own abilities. He is talented, yes, anyone would be hard pressed to deny that, but he tends to – overestimate, what he can do. It could also be put down to his perfectionist nature, that he would bite off more than he could chew and simply expect himself to rise up to the challenge.

It is also important to note, however, that as sure as he is of his own capabilities and talents, he is never sure of himself. Of Dirk, of his own self-worth and of his own self-esteem. He is an arrogant braggart with an inferiority complex.

♔ PREFERRED SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS

SEXUALITY: gay, and not particularly interested in hiding it.

SHIPS: tbh I’m all about chemistry. I don’t particularly mind if no romantic interests cropped up along the way, i’m more interested in exploring dirk as a character first and foremost. If a romantic interest does come along I would absolutely be down to explore that as well – I would also be interested in plots that don’t necessarily end happily for either character tbh lmao angst is my natural scent like fucking slather me in it okay. (side note: I love. Unlikely pairings. Very much.)

♔ CREATE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Mockblog: dork-cresswell.tumblr.com  (I posted the kinda sorta long history/bio section in the mockblog, I hope it would be considered as part of the application as well? Thank you :) )

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Is there, like. Is there a potion to just. Make pureblooded bigots stop being so bigoted? Or make them disappear, or something, I’m not picky.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

Sal, definitely. Did you see her swing that wretched bat of hers? You don’t want to get in the way of that, it’s absolutely sick. you’ll love it. And I suppose some food would be good, for the object, wouldn’t it.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

When to take a bloody break. I can never do that. Sal’s always breathing down my neck about it, but I can’t bloody well help it, okay? Somethings just have to get done.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

That I’m a braggart. Because I’m not, and anyone who says that is a bloody liar, okay? I just like to let people know I’m better than them. Sometimes. At some things. It’s not bragging if it’s true, is it?

(ooc: That he isn’t good enough. That he is lesser, that he is a disappointment. His perfectionist attitude is largely due to survivor’s guilt – he blames himself, in part, for what had happened to Robert, and had subconsciously spent the years following trying to make up for what he’d ‘done’, or hadn’t, as it were.)

WRITING SAMPLE

darkness. that was the first thing he was aware of. and soft covers – softer than the ones he had at his apartment. a distinct feeling of annoyance…

“–et up already!”

ah, yes. little sisters, he’s been told, were angels. it’s a good thing he doesn’t believe everything he’s told anymore. he buries his face further into the pillow, and tries not to think of why he made his way here in the middle of the night. “leave me alone.” he mutters, a little petulantly.

“dirk, it’s getting late. get up.”

“i can’t.” he groans, perhaps more wounded than he really was. “you’ll have to go on without me. i have reached the end of my tether, i can only further hold you back.”

“dirk.”

“i’ve lived a fulfilling life, i have no regrets. you have to promise me you’ll do the same.”

“dirk.”

“no.” he waves her away, burying his face further into the pillow, though that’s only to hide the growing grin upon his face. “i know it’s hard, but you can live without me, Sal, i believe in yo–” and the world flips, suddenly, upside down, light assaulting his eyes as his head hit the floor with a loud thud.

there is a moment of silence. from his place on the floor, he blinks. “why would you do that.”

“you were being dumb again.”

he sits up on his elbows, blinking up at her again. “you pushed me off the couch.” he repeats. “what kind of sister does that?”

she rolls her eyes, though there’s a hint of a smile pulling at her lips. she throws him a bottle of soda and he catches it. “go wash your face.” she says, sitting down beside him and opening a bottle of her own, evidently not expecting him to get up and go wash. “you’re gross.”

“thanks.” he deadpans, sitting up and leaning his back against the sofa. “i feel so loved.”

the room is silent, then, save for the sound of bottles clinking, the caps popped off and the bubbles hissing away. she adjusts herself for a moment, and dirk waits for the inevitable.

“well?” she asks, and she doesn’t have to add anything, she’s asked him this a hundred times: what’s going on? why did you come here in the middle of the night? why were you screaming in your sleep? why are you scared? why are you hurt? can’t you tell me, your sister, am i losing you too?

he doesn’t say anything. he never says anything. he is afraid his lips would open and his sins would all come spilling out, that he would tell her everything, everything, that she would not understand. That she would look at him and see something vile, something scary. that she would never want to look at him again. he says nothing. he can’t afford to lose her too.

“oh, i see.” she says, a lilt to her tone that would have suggested lightness, in a less dreary moment. “you can’t tell me, again.”

the air grows heavy between them, thick with secrets he can’t not keep. ‘i killed someone’, he wants to say, desperately, but doesn’t. he brings the bottle to his lips and takes a long swig instead.

he is not a murderer. he is not Dark, he is not a bad person, he is not a criminal. he knows this, he knows, and he knows they’re all just doing what has to be done, that Aversio is the only way, that fighting fire with fire is all that seems to work.

he knows this. he knows what they’re doing, and he knows why they’re doing it, and he knows why it’s important.

but some nights he needs to remember. some nights he seems to forget.

she rests her head against his shoulder, her hands wrapped around his arm. he only lasts a beat, or two, before he turns and envelopes her in his arms as well. he holds her tightly, his mouth pressed into a thin line, careful not to say a word or more would spill.

this is what he’s doing: murder.

this is why he’s doing it: she is here. she is here, and alive, and whole, and unharmed. she will stay this way, and he will make sure of it.

[lildoodlenoodle]

Ugh love her