#as always I’m judging cast albums on in my life alone

[milkteahoe]

I thank god every day nick jonas isn’t on the the 25th anniversary cast album

[luvlyrv]

A Promise Under the Stars | Irene x F!Reader

Genre: fluff, idol au-ish but not really(?), romance is not extremely explicit

Summary: When you get to meet Joohyun again, you think back about a promise you two made long ago.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Whew. First Irene writing that I’m posting as a stand-alone rather than a part of a series. Also can I say thank you for two of my posts reaching 100 notes within the same week? My very first fic, ‘Second Place’ and ‘Troublemaker’ seem to be very popular, thank you so much fhksadjhfk,

Date: 2/19/21

You collapse on the ground, all your energy expended during several hours of practice. Lying down you can feel the wooden floor under you, your heart pounding as loud as your breathing. As much as you physically feel pain, there was a greater pain building in your heart and mind. Will you ever make it? You've been waiting so long now, how much longer?

With nobody around tears threaten to emerge from your eyes, but the moment is lost when you hear a soft creak. Quickly, you compose yourself just enough to make sure no tears fall. You don't bother turning your head to look at who it was, instead staring at the ceiling as you hear footsteps growing nearer and nearer to your body. Finally, a familiar face emerges from the corner of your eyes. The girl leans over your face, smiling at the sight of you exhausted and sweaty.

"I figured you'd be here." She says teasingly.

"When am I not?" You say as your breathing starts to become steady again.

The girl offers you her small hands and you accept. She helps you on your feet, and when you're finally standing up on your own she doesn't let one of your hands go.

"Wanna cool down with a walk?" She asks you. You lazily nod your head, following behind as your friend, Joohyun.

She takes you outside the building, continuing to walk hand in hand on the sidewalk. You don't know where you're going, but frankly you don't care. Joohyun's mere presence is enough for you to calm down, to feel comfortable and safe. So you take the time to enjoy the feeling of her hand in yours, the night air passing by your skin, and the sound of your footsteps against the pavement. The silence between the two of you making you feel happy.

Eventually the two of you reach a swing set. She let's go of your hand and sits on one, tilting her head to tell you to sit on the one next to her. You go ahead and sit down, gently kicking the ground to create a soft sway. Joohyun does the same with her two hands holding onto the chains holding up the seat. You stare at your feet until Joohyun speaks up again.

"Look up at the sky. It's beautiful, isn't it?" You listen to her command and turn your head up.

You're quite literally star-struck for a moment, a smile appearing on your face as you admire the sky. You've seen the sky and the stars nearly every day of your life. It's the same sky as always, yet somehow on this night it stir something inside you.

"Sometimes I forget how good it is to be living, I let all the beautiful things pass me by." You admit to your friend. You stop looking at the sky, instead turning to face Joohyun. Your eyes follow the outline her side profile as you admire the amazement glazing over her eyes, the curve of her nose, the way her lips pursed together. The nighttime casts her in darkness but the moon gives her an ethereal glow. She stops looking at the stars to give you a smile similar to yours, a smile filled with endearment.

"It's nice isn't it? I come here a lot, just to recollect myself most of the time. It's my space. One where I can exist without worry, without trying to change myself." She says it as she recalls the many nights where she wanted to cry, the nights where she found herself walking here without thinking about it. "I wanted to share it with you though. You seem more stressed recently..." Her soft voice suddenly became laced with worry. You sigh before you start talking again.

"I guess I'm getting bad at hiding it." You try to joke. "I've been training for so long, you know? I've seen so many people leave. So many switch companies, so many debut. Sometimes I wonder if the last several years have been a waste. I don't wanna grow up with this kind of regret." Joohyun looks down dejectedly for a bit at your response.

"I know." She whispers. "I've been feeling the same thing. Sometimes I doubt I even belong. I don't know if this dream is achievable anymore."

You look down, not quite sure what you could possibly say to comfort the both of you. As another wave of silence envelopes the conversation, you kick a nearby pebble, watching it skid as you begin to launch yourself off the ground harder. You feel weightless as you get higher and higher, a little free even, from this restrictive life you live.

Joohyun sticks to the ground, not enjoying the idea of being at such a high height. Still, she begins to smile at the sight of you having at least some sort of fun. Things continue like this, the both of you contemplating different things in the silence under the same worries.

"Hey Y/N." Joohyun breaks the silence by calling for you. You're still staring at the stars as you swing in the air.

"What?"

"Slow down for a minute." You listen to your friend and start to slow down your momentum. When you're finally settled, Joohyun leans over from her swing with her hand out. She has her pinky finger raised while you look at her in confusion. "How about we do it?"

"Do what?"

"Let's complete our dreams. Together." You chuckle a bit at her sudden childish-ness that was different from her mature nature. Despite how out of character it was though, you couldn't help but feel appreciative for the act anyways. You stick out your hand and wrap your pinky around hers.

"Alright. Our little promise, between just the two of us."

"I know I can do it if I have you by my side." A pink hue paints itself on Joohyun's cheeks, complimenting the adorable smirk she gave you. Your heart pounds a little and you laugh at her.

"Since when were you so childish and greasy?"

"I don't know, since whenever it could make you smile like that?" You look away, feeling warmth flood your face.

"Whatever." You scoff light-heartedly.

For the past several weeks you felt like you were in a rut. Motivation draining away from you. Your promise with Joohyun though, her words, her loving voice, everything about her made you want to stay. Perhaps now you can complete your dream.

*

*

You're waiting in line, a smile is plastered on your face that you can't seem to wipe off. Finally, you can see her again.

You can still remember the day she told you she would debut. There was a part of your heart that hurt, but otherwise you were ecstatic for her. Of course out of consideration she tried not to talk about it much, but you assured her it was something that was worth celebrating. That it was an event and feeling you wanted to share between the two of you.

Things didn't turn out as planned. You kept training, but seeing Joohyun debut with seemingly no results for another year was disheartening enough to make you quit. It also didn't help that as Joohyun got busier, the two of you got to talk and hang out less and less. Everyday you would compulsively check your phone, only to be gifted a response on a rare occasion.

After your trainee years you moved on in your life, getting a higher education and joining a career that you found pleasure in. As you focused on your career though, you also found yourself with less and less time. It seemed like at some point Joohyun changed her number and forgot to tell you. For some reason it left you feeling a bit heartbroken. Although she wasn't really a part of your life anymore your memories with her graced your thoughts often.

Now though, as time has passed, your work life has settled down more. You've earned some money and took some vacation time to attend a very, very important event.

The person in front of you finally moves and you're face to face with Yerim, a girl you spent a lot of time with under the same company. She looks up at you with a smile and a face filled with both surprise and recognition. She signs your album before gently nudging the member next to her.

You move on in the line to meet Seulgi. She's happy that Yerim caught her attention to tell her you were here. She gives you a familiar smile and thanks you for coming to see the group. You get your album signed by her and two other members who you didn't get acquainted with during training until you reach the end of the table.

There she was, Bae Joohyun, the person you were closest with during those grueling years training. As soon as you're standing in front of her your heart threatens to jump out of your throat. When your eyes meet you almost feel like crying.

"Hey." You barely get the word to leave your mouth. The sound could hardly escape the tightening of your throat. Judging by the look on her face, it seemed like Joohyun was overwhelmed with feelings too, nearly wanting to cry. Instead she gives a light laugh.

"I've missed you." She says. Maybe it's in your imagination, but she's staring at you so dreamily. You don't know what to say, so you decide to just be honest.

"I've missed you too. I've been waiting for this day." You pause for a second before continuing. "I'm sorry I didn't make it." Joohyun shakes her head at your apology.

"Don't be. As long as you're happy with where you are now then I'm happy too." She gives you her signature smile that had always managed to comfort you.

"Let's make a new promise." Once again she sticks out her pinky finger at you. You take it without hesitation. "Let's talk. Like old times." Even though you haven't talked to each other properly in years, the feeling of her pinky and yours made you feel just as close as you were back in those days.

The staff are ushering you to go, the moment the two of you were sharing was holding up the line for too long. Quickly, Joohyun signs your album and you notice that she opens it and scribbles something inside. Could she have possibly written a message for you?

When go arrive home you admire the album with signatures strewn across it. The question that you had for the entire day though was what Joohyun wrote inside of it. Within the privacy of your home you finally felt safe to open and check.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

let's stay together this time ♥

[cianishere]

why richard robbins is a king among men, or an analysis of the maurice (1987) soundtrack

hello, i am gay, a former band kid, and a slut for classical music analysis…… so i’ve been wanting to do an in-depth analysis of Richard Robbins’ absolutely breathtaking soundtrack for Maurice (1987) for some time. it’s an incredibly emotionally moving work of art, but i also feel like there’s so much care and thought and soul put into the pieces of the soundtrack, and Robbins absolutely deserves all the credit in the world for writing the perfect accompaniment to the film. the songs have lives of their own, outside of the film, but they also breathe a certain life into the scenes when paired with the performances of the actors and the cinematography and camera work. the soundtrack means so much to me, so i wanted to take a moment (or a few thousand words or so) to expand on all of its intricacies. i’m not a professional musician or a music student, i’ve j been playing woodwinds for over a decade and can find my way around a guitar and piano, so these are my thoughts and interpretations as a musician. feel free to share yours! this was a bit of an undertaking, so i recommend reading while listening, and i hope u enjoy!

(the pieces are listed in order of their appearance in the film, not the album)

PROLOGUE - THE LESSON

The opening piece is a very traditional overture, setting the mood for the film and foreshadowing the (musical) events to come. It begins with a mysterious, almost eerie sound with pizzicato in the low strings and high woodwind and harp lines before opening into the dominating melody in the high strings. Though the melody is grand and moving, it also has an air of hesitancy, almost melancholy, and in this moment, we’re introduced to Maurice’s musical signature, the clarinet (specifically, the low clarinet line). The low clarinet triplets and the sets of five recurring notes in the low flute and violin create a sense of impatience and forward motion, as we can sense young Maurice’s uncertainty in his conversation with his headmaster. This section transitions into a solo in the English horn, which Robbins uses to represent the idyllic, pastoral English countryside. Here, it seems to signal both the natural surroundings that the scene takes place in, as well as the pastoral beauty of childlike innocence. This solo honestly gets me EVERY TIME, it’s so gorgeous and the gradual layering of other instruments underneath is mesmerizing. The piece ends with shrieking upward woodwind scales, capturing the sense of impending fear that we can sense in young Maurice.

AT THE PIANOLA

This piece is a bit strange to listen to outside of the film, as it plays in the scene as Clive and Maurice play Featherstonehaugh’s pianola in his Cambridge dorm room. The piece captures Clive and Maurice’s pianola playing, which echoes the thematic melody introduced in the opening composition, but the single piano line is quickly swept away by a traditional string orchestra before moving into a call-and-response between the high strings and high woodwinds. I always thought this piece was so beautiful in its development, growing from a simple piano melody into a fully orchestrated concerto. The melody, particularly in its piano form, always struck me as very French, reminiscent of the French Romantic pianists with some impressionist elements as well. The transition from piano melody into the full orchestra is welcome, but overwhelming—it evokes the excitement and intensity of falling in love, as the film reaches the precipice of Clive’s confession. The instrumentation is also fascinating here: as I mentioned previously, Maurice is musically represented by the clarinet and/or woodwind melodies, but Clive usually comes through as high strings. This piece is pushed forward by the strings, as the violin and viola take on the melody under the piano and are followed by the woodwinds. The woodwinds follow the strings in a call-and-response pattern, musically establishing Clive’s lead in their romance, with Maurice following along with his advances, especially at first.

MISERERE (GREGORIO ALLEGRI)

UGH I have so much to say about this piece. I want to start with its origins, which is a setting of Psalm 51 to music, at first for the exclusive use in the Sistine Chapel during Holy Week (a nod to this scene taking place in the spring, around Easter). We all know this piece and the scene it accompanies, as those shots of Cambridge (and that wicker chair) are forever immortalized in my heart (<333) The lyrics are incredibly significant, as Psalm 51 is a confession of sin by David—specifically, of his feelings of lust for Bathsheba.

Have mercy upon me, O God: after Thy great goodness. According to the multitude of Thy mercies, do away mine offences. Wash me thoroughly from my wickedness: and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my faults: and my sin is ever before me. Against Thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that Thou mightest be justified in Thy saying, and clear when Thou art judged.

David is asking for mercy for his act of sin, and to be “cleansed” from his lustful act by God.

Make me a clean heart, O God: and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy presence: and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. O give me the comfort of Thy help again: and stablish me with Thy free Spirit.

He prays for God to return to his life, and to give him salvation again.

I think this choice of psalm is SO fascinating, as it can take on two meanings. On one hand, it represents the feelings of guilt that both Maurice and Clive feel for their attraction to each other, knowing that their feelings are considered to be sinful in their (and the societal) understanding of Christianity. In a way, this piece can signify both Clive and Maurice asking for that salvation and asking to be saved from their desire. On the other hand, however, I think the choice to overlay this particular piece with Maurice and Clive’s first moment of physical intimacy is critical in interpreting its meaning. Rather than asking for salvation from God, the psalm’s lyrics could also represent Maurice and Clive asking for salvation from each other through their desire. There are a few points in the psalm that could be read in a rather different light in this context, particularly “Thou shalt open my lips, O Lord: and my mouth shall shew [show] Thy praise.” The “high spirit” that they are searching for, in this case, is not the forgiveness of sin by God, but rather the intimacy and physical affection of a lover. (As Forster points out in a later section of the book, one’s God and one’s lover can be equal “incentives to virtue.”) I feel like this psalm is being used in both ways: as a reminder of the internal and external pressure that Maurice and Clive face, but also to musically express the reciprocal desire they are seeking from each other as they begin to explore the physical side of their relationship. This piece is also just so damn beautiful, the high C just gets me every fucking time. The specific vocal arrangement—and the excerpt of that arrangement—that Robbins decided to use highlights a solo female soprano, sounding almost like a Greek siren. As her voice emerges from the varying vocal textures, there is a sense of seductiveness, but there is also a loneliness there, as she stands alone among the choir. The choice to center the soloist was a beautiful way to show the loneliness that Maurice and Clive feel as they both continue to hold that fear and hesitancy about their feelings and desire.

THE CAFE ROYAL

This piece plays during the infamous “to the ladies!” scene, during which the Halls and the Durhams are dining together, and Clive announces his decision to become a barrister and enter politics. This piece begins as a classic, grandiose waltz, representing the glamor and high society lifestyle that the two wealthy families live within. At the beginning especially, it seems almost overstated, hinting at the façade of British upper-class life that Maurice desperately despises. As the piece continues, a duet of low clarinet and oboe emerge with a woeful melody that is built upon on its repetition by a dark solo cello line. (I don’t play double reeds or cello but they’re two of my favorites, and all I can say is that Richard Robbins knew how to pick instruments that fuck, plain and simple.) The contrast in mood created between this grand waltz sound and the individual instruments emphasizes the trapped, isolated feeling that both Maurice and Clive feel as upper-class British men, expected to have careers, marry, and build families. Stuck in the middle of their constructed lives, Maurice and Clive are represented by the duet and solo lines, standing out among society and desperate for an escape.

IN GREECE / THE WEDDING

This piece opens with a haunting melody that sounds almost like a chorus—I’m still not entirely sure what the instrumentation of this section is, but it sounds like high woodwinds and strings layered together and/or an echoey, chime-like percussion instrument. The lone melodic line overlaid with harp runs (again, Robbins said I will exclusively highlight instruments that fuck hard, and ignore everything else) in the beginning brings the same sort of haunting loneliness as in “Miserere,” evoking the duality of the Greek siren as well as the hymnal church choir. Gradually, the piece builds into a waltz through the development of a pizzicato bass line as well as running woodwind and string harmonic lines. I think the use of a waltz in this section of the piece is a symbol of the bitter end of Maurice and Clive’s relationship, as the minor key and legato melody in the high woodwinds gives the waltz a mournful quality.

The opening section of the piece is quickly interrupted by the abrupt and angry sound of an organ. Rather than romantic, this interlude is loud and overwhelming, representing Clive’s overzealous transition into heterosexual marriage and family life. The interlude then transitions into a beautiful but incredibly sad melody, reminiscent of the music that might accompany a funeral service. This short but emotive section is probably one of my favorites in the entire soundtrack—as it plays, we can see Maurice exiting the wedding chapel after Clive and Anne, and that hidden pain and fear and loneliness is brought to life by this melody.

PENDERSLEIGH IN GLOOM

Simultaneously romantic and melancholy, this short piano interlude demonstrates the inspiration that Robbins took from classical French pianists. This composition reminds me of a transition section within a Debussy piece as the uneven tempo and dynamics exude emotion, conflict, and hesitation. In this moment in the narrative, between Clive’s marriage and Maurice’s meeting of Alec, Maurice is in a state of contemplation and uncertainty, and Robbins has reflected that perfectly.

MISS EDNA MAY’S SURPRISE / THE TRAIN

Though this piece is definitely not the most sonically appealing, I think it is the most texturally interesting on the soundtrack. The piano melody in “Miss Edna Mae’s Surprise” begins as a playful, jaunty, idyllic piece, but quickly builds drama and transitions into the surreal and eerie. The melody wavers between fun and nightmarish, never fully settling into one, but establishing tension through the contrast between the two. As the piece builds layers of woodwinds and strings, it continues this contrast between the expected, playful melody and something more sinister before suddenly merging into a screeching, forceful ending with high woodwinds and piano. Similar to “The Café Royal,” this piece represents the internal conflict that Maurice faces and his fear of settling down into the heterosexual family structure. While there is a sense of joy and happiness on the surface level, as Maurice acts the part to uphold societal norms, internally he is incredibly afraid of being trapped in a cycle of marriage and family that would be unfulfilling and dishonest to his selfhood.

The next section of this piece, “The Train,” is one of the most creative compositions I’ve heard in a long time, and I was honestly blown away when I listened to it closely (and LOUDLY). Rather than using train sound effects, Robbins uses the sounds of the orchestra to emulate the different sounds one might hear on a steam engine train. The rhythmic beat of the railway tracks underneath the train car are created by repetitive staccato notes in the strings and percussion. The airy, legato sound of the steam engine is actually created by single reed woodwind instruments played in a particular way. The woodwind players are blowing air into their instruments with a very loose embouchure, which is the muscle tension created by the lips around the mouthpiece that forces the wooden reed to vibrate and create sound. By loosening their embouchure, the players are blowing air into their instruments without the reed vibrating, resulting in a sound resembling air or stream escaping from engine pipes (can u tell im a clarinet player :-)). The melody of this piece emerges in the high woodwinds, including upper clarinets, flutes, and oboe. The melody line is eerie and tense, much like the mood of the train scene in the film, and the blended lines are erratic and dissonant. They seem to echo and fade in strange ways, mimicking the sound of an approaching or departing train whistle. Robbins is able to capture the sounds of a steam engine locomotive while also establishing the tension and conflict in Maurice’s character in this scene. As a woodwind player, I am in complete awe at Robbins’ creativity in building this composition, and I honestly think his ability to layer these sounds to create such a complex, textured sonic landscape is nothing short of genius.

THE MOONLIT NIGHT (a tiny bit nsfw, feel free to skip!)

Maurice’s nightmare of the “sinking ship” of heterosexuality is brought to life through an eerie, isolated English horn solo over tense string chords, eventually transitioning into a low clarinet melody, Maurice’s musical signature. Slowly, as Maurice’s nightmare fades away and he wakes up from his sleep, the low clarinet melody diminishes and is overtaken by low, warm chords in the lower woodwinds (bass clarinet, my beloved <3). These low sounds are interrupted by hesitant but curious flute runs, through which Robbins introduces Alec’s musical manifestation. The flute sounds grow faster in tempo and more intense in sound as Alec watches Maurice from outside his room but reduce to a single line of low strings, woodwinds, and percussion as he climbs through Maurice’s window. This ominous and minimal sound is gradually layered with sudden high strings, led by Maurice’s low clarinet, before fading away into near silence until the first touch suddenly takes the piece into swift motion. It develops into a beautiful and intricate waltz as Maurice and Alec embrace, representing their intimacy through the style of a partnered ballroom dance. The melody of the waltz, layered over staccato strings, is an ascending, fluttering scale that begins in the clarinet before finishing in the flute. Robbins’ choice to compose the melody as a shared scale between Maurice and Alec’s respective instrumental representation is a perfect way to express their first night together, and the airy, light, understated flute is a brilliant way to embody the spirit of Alec’s character. In the final section of the piece, as the melody grows irregular and begins to fade away, the ascending lines and rhythmic pizzicato strings begin to mirror the gasping breaths and soft moans of intimacy, constructing a gorgeously imaginative musical landscape for this critical scene.

ALEC’S FAREWELL

This short but expressive piece captures Maurice’s transition from dejected acceptance of Alec’s departure to a tentative hope as he realizes that Alec has missed his boat to Buenos Aires. Plucked bass and a fragmentary string melody overlay a tense, oscillating clarinet line, representing Maurice’s internal anticipation as he anxiously fidgets in the taxi ride back to Pendersleigh. At this point, Maurice does not have confirmation that Alec has purposefully missed his boat to reunite with him, but the suspense created by Robbins’ minimalistic composition leaves room for such a possibility, without completely revealing its certainty.

THE BOATHOUSE

This piece begins as Maurice makes his way towards the boathouse on the evening of Alec’s expected departure. He has just spoken to Clive, confessing his love for Alec, and now hopes to be reunited with his lover in the boathouse, the safe haven that Alec had promised Maurice after their first night together. Continuing where “Alec’s Farewell” left off with an oscillating clarinet line and minimal strings, the piece quickly erupts into motion as a solo clarinet begins a low triplet melody, accompanied by strings and a solo oboe harmony (the clarinet line is fucking FIRE and I would pay so much goddamn money for the sheet music). The clarinet solo moves swiftly, desperately, shifting between major and minor keys to represent Maurice’s restless search for Alec. As he enters the boathouse, the clarinet ascends a scale before lingering on a high A, as if he is calling for Alec. When the call is not answered, the clarinet line repeats, bringing Maurice’s anticipation to its height until he opens a second door and finds Alec resting within the room behind it. As the two meet and share a moment of reconciliation (“So, you got the wire, then?”), a lingering bass note (another one of Alec’s musical representations) swells into serene, legato woodwind chords that echo until their final kiss, and Alec’s “Now we shan’t ever be parted, and that’s finished.”

While listening to this song more closely, I was completely struck by its similarities to Leonard Bernstein’s “Somewhere” from the 1957 musical West Side Story. The final chords in “The Boathouse” are strikingly similar to the final high woodwind chords echoed by a low bass line in “Somewhere.” Bernstein also highlights clarinets throughout the musical, particularly to emphasize the vocals of the protagonist, Tony, while using flutes to underscore the voice of María, Tony’s love interest. Aside from the musical similarities, I think the thematic parallels between the story of Tony and María are worth mentioning as a source of musical inspiration for Robbins. A retelling of Romeo and Juliet set in 1950s New York, Bernstein’s West Side Story is a classic tragedy of an unconventional relationship that is unaccepted by society. Although not sharing in its tragic ending, Maurice definitely builds on the cultural trope of two star-crossed lovers desperate for an escape from a prejudiced society. Bernstein himself was gay, although he spent much of his career closeted, and West Side Story (particularly “Somewhere,” but also “One Hand, One Heart,” “Tonight,” and “Finale���) became emblematic of the struggles that gay couples face, especially with the popularity of musical theatre among American gay men. The lyrics (copied below, but I highly recommend finding the 1957 ballet version or the 1961 film version!) represent Maurice and Alec’s story beautifully, and the fact that Robbins was inspired by this piece of media that holds so much significance for queer people when composing the soundtrack for Maurice makes my gay little heart grow three sizes <3

There's a place for us, Somewhere a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air Wait for us, somewhere.

There's a time for us, Some day a time for us, Time together with time spare, Time to learn, time to care. Some day, Somewhere, We'll find a new way of living, We'll find a way of forgiving. Somewhere, Somewhere . . . There's a place for us, A time and place for us. Hold my hand and we're halfway there. Hold my hand and I'll take you there Somehow, Some day, Somewhere!

CLIVE AND ANNE

For Clive’s final scene, Robbins returns to piano and string instrumentation in the melody, representing a return to the traditional life that Clive now finds himself living with Anne. This variation on Clive’s signature melody, however, is significantly slowed down, almost to the tempo of a funeral march or dirge. As he shuts each of the windows, eventually stopping for a brief moment to reminisce on his time with Maurice, the melody grows increasingly loud and desperate as the high woodwinds are layered in. The sudden and dramatic development of this piece sound like a futile cry out for help, as Clive remains trapped in a prison of his own creation. The composition ends without a concluding chord, tense and unresolved. It’s fascinating to me that we can hear Robbins’ simultaneous resentment and pity for Clive—though the piece is deeply sorrowful, Robbins does not leave Clive with a satisfying ending, choosing to keep him suspended in the societal purgatory that he chose for himself. 

END TITLES

Are you crying yet? No? I don’t believe you. Robbins establishes the ending to the story by building the piece off of a gentle, pastoral variation of Maurice’s low clarinet melody. The legato chords and balance of high and low instrumentation recall Robbins’ musical sampling of “Somewhere” before the melody shifts into a call-and-answer duet between the clarinet (alongside an oboe) and flute. Much like the clarinet and flute duet in “The Moonlit Night,” the two lines blend together—but in this final composition, Robbins has written the two parts as complementary, yet distinctly different, rather than imitations of one another or two segments of a single line. The melody becomes a conversation between two harmonizing entities who are sharing in the creation of something wholly new. The duet tapers off into an English horn solo over a harp line, bringing back the idyllic English countryside that we first saw young Maurice exploring in “Prologue – The Lesson.” In this final piece, Robbins adds on to this solo with the clarinet and flute before the melody spreads throughout the full orchestra and builds to a grandiose and rousing finale. I think the English horn solo is the part that breaks me every time because of its introduction in the very beginning of the story— through this understated melody, Robbins is assuring us that Maurice did stay true to himself, and he did find his happiness, though it may not be what Ducie or anyone else wanted for him. Maurice and Alec in the clarinet and flute, alongside the English horn, managed to find harmony in each other and peace in a life built on a love they shared, and nothing more.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

HALESTORM: Behind-The-Scenes Footage From Making Of 'Back From The Dead' Video

HALESTORM has shared behind-the-scenes footage from the making of the official video for the band's new single, "Back From The Dead". The track is taken from the group's upcoming fifth full-length album, due in 2022. Directed by Dustin Haney (Noah Cyrus, Luke Combs) and produced by Revolution Pictures, the clip features frontwoman Lzzy Hale and the rest of the band in a morgue and cemetery somewhere between life and death.

Lzzy says: "'Back From The Dead' is about survival, not in a physical sense, even though I know we all have been touched by death especially these last few years. This song is personal and written from a mental health perspective. I wanted to give myself and the world a hard rock song we could shout out loud as the gates opened again. I was on the edge of this world getting completely lost in oblivion, but even though it was the harder of two choices, I didn't just let the darkness and depression in my mind dig me an early grave. I didn't just sit and let it take me. I've erased my name from my headstone, so save your prayers, I'm back! I hope this song, as I pass it on to you, reminds YOU of your strength individually and that you are not alone."

She continues: "The video was so much fun to film! Dustin Haney is an amazing director. Dustin and his team really helped bring my words to life and the video is one of the most cinematic pieces we've done in years! I hope this song, as I pass it on…reminds YOU of YOUR individual strength and that you are not Alone. Raise your horns!"

By breaking rules, bucking trends, and busting down doors, HALESTORM has surged through rock 'n' roll on a singular path without compromise or apology. Along the way, the Pennsylvania-bred and Nashville-based quartet — Lzzy Hale (vocals, guitar), Arejay Hale (drums), Joe Hottinger (guitar) and Josh Smith (bass) — has collected a Grammy Award, scored successive number ones at radio, garnered multiple gold and platinum certifications, and performed to sold out crowds on five continents.

Going against the grain again in 2021, the band weathered the flames of chaos in 2020 and returned stronger than ever with their most empowering and undeniable anthems to date.

"Throughout the pandemic, I was writing a lot of melancholic and hopeless songs about the ups and downs of the world," admits Lzzy. "I've been in this group longer than I haven't been in it. We've always had shows. Even when I was 13 years old, we had a couple of bowling alley gigs once a month. This was the first time I didn't know if we would ever play again. However, I started to use music in the same way I did as a teenager—to get myself through this situation that was plaguing us all. I sidestepped and said, 'Let's keep our heads up, get our attitude back, be a light in the dark for a second, and celebrate the fact we're surviving and there's hope for the future.' So, we started to write songs that were a reminder to ourselves of who we are and what we're capable of. That became the mission statement."

In a way, it's always been the mission statement…

Since roaring to life in 1998, HALESTORM has uplifted audiences with a combination of sonic ass-kicking, provocative songwriting, and unshakable hooks. The four-piece received a Grammy Award in the category of "Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance" for "Love Bites (So Do I)". The song also minted them as the first female-fronted band to hit #1 on the Active Rock radio charts. Thus far, their discography spans two gold albums "Halestorm" and "The Strange Case Of..." , a platinum single "I Miss The Misery", and two gold singles "Here's To Us" and "I Get Off". Between surpassing one billion cumulative streams worldwide, they've notched two consecutive Top 10 debuts on the Billboard Top 200 with "Into The Wild Life" (2015) and "Vicious" (2018). The latter represented a critical high watermark with Rolling Stone citing it as "a muscular, adventurous, and especially relevant rock record." In its wake, "Uncomfortable" emerged as their fourth #1 at rock radio and earned their second Grammy Award nomination, while Loudwire christened HALESTORM "Rock Artist Of The Decade" in 2019. Not to mention, they have supported everyone from HEAVEN & HELL and Alice Cooper to Joan Jett on the road.

Even as the world went dormant during 2020, Lzzy remained prolific. She lent her voice to collaborations with everyone from Dee Snider of TWISTED SISTER, IN THIS MOMENT, APOCALYPTICA, and Mark Morton of LAMB OF GOD to EVANESCENCE, Cory Marks, and Mongolian phenomenon THE HU. Additionally, she joined forces with a trio of legends — Corey Taylor of SLIPKNOT, Scott Ian of ANTHRAX and original SLAYER drummer Dave Lombardo — for the theme song to Netflix's "Thunder Force". Plus, the group contributed a cover of THE WHO's "Long Live Rock" to the documentary of the same name. Expanding her presence across television, she hosted the AXS TV "A Year In Music" series, joined the cast of Hit Parader's "No Cover" as a judge, provided the singing voice for Bella Thorne in the Prime Video hit "Paradise City" and launched her own show "Raise Your Horns" on Rolling Live. On the channel, she appeared in Mike Garson's David Bowie tribute with a performance of "Moonage Daydream" alongside Broadway star Lena Hall. She also participated in the platform's Ronnie James Dio tribute, supporting the Stand Up And Shout Cancer Fund.

At the same time, she remained a huge proponent of encouraging the dialogue around mental health. She participated in a Grammy Mental Health panel and empowered the next generation of rock musicians as the keynote speaker at the Little Kids Rock Modern Band Summit. She also made history as Gibson Guitars' first-ever female ambassador.

"I've learned a lot about myself through all of these different projects," she admits. "I said 'yes' to various adventures, and it made me a better artist."

Working out of her home studio in Nashville, Lzzy and the band channeled this renewed spirit into the music at the onset of 2021. Collaborating with Scott Stevens of THE EXIES, the musicians hit their stride and cooked up the single 'Back From The Dead'. Dramatic distortion and drums rumble as she screams, "I'm back from the dead!" HALESTORM come out swinging as punchy verses give way to a call-and-response chorus shocked to life with a searing solo and thunderous groove.

"We needed a reintroduction," she exclaims. "We needed something that simply said, 'Hey, we're back'. The live show is the time we feel as truly alive as we can be. When you walk out on stage with your guitar strapped on, your guys are next to you, and you have an audience looking at you, it's everything. We're celebrating the fact we're all back together again. Whatever it is that was trying to destroy that part of myself and my bandmates that our fans need couldn't do it. It failed miserably. We're fucking back."

From the moment the band graced the stage at a secret Nashville gig, they were indeed "back," albeit louder, heavier, and emboldened by an unbelievable year. Amped up to jump back in, their tour schedule took shape with festival dates followed by a co-headline run with EVANESCENCE in the fall.

Readying their fifth full-length album, they're delivering the soundtrack for a world ready to roar again.

"We've lost a lot of people, but we can start healing again," she leaves off. "I appreciate the little things even more. I don't only feel this confidence in myself, but also in every one of my band members. We're not the same people, none of us could ever be. HALESTORM is my source of my joy. It's my connection. It's the closest thing to my religion. We're moving forward. With this next album, I hope we're able to create a greater sense of community. We have a beautiful opportunity. When you listen to it, I want you to feel like you can walk through any fire."

[purplesurveys]

1127

1. What is one thing you will never do again? Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.

3. What happened the last time you cried? It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.

6. What’s your worst habit? I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.

7. What superpower would you have for one day? Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve? Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.

11. Who knows you the best? Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.

12. What after school activities did you do in high school? Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive? Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.

14. What’s the last book you really loved? I haven’t read in a long, long while.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time? I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.

16. What’s been your favorite age so far? 16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self? Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Have kids.

19. Apologize or ask permission? I don’t understand the relationship between the two.

20. Unlimited love or money? I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do? Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.

22. What’s your most listened to song? Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation? I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Playing the piano.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with? Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? Nope.

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about? Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night? Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far? Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.

34. Do you believe in karma? Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem? A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about? I don’t think I am about anything.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized? Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible? My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.

44. What is the best present you could ever receive? My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? No. Mobile data exists for a reason.

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Check out my voice.

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you? Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? Nothing is coming to mind.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Danny Drabble: Home

Still thinking about the anon with the MCR question and… this is what happens when you give me questions like that! Unapologetically sweet, recovery, all comfort and no hurt, have Danny having a really good day…

CW: Basically none. This is just our boy being genuinely happy for a few minutes. 

Tagging @spiffythespook, @special-spicy-chicken, and @bleeding-demon-teeth even though it’s a drabble and not whump, but it’s still Danny!

“Now I know that I can’t make you stay, but where’s your heart - where’s your heart… but where’s your- and I know, there’s nothing I can say, to change that part-… to change that part… to chaaaaaaaaange-”

Danny’s voice is hoarse and rough and hideously off-key, but he sings anyway, turning himself in a quick circle in rhythm, letting his head drop and then pulling it back up, listening to the guitar cut in, starts jumping along with the music anyway, letting it blare as he sings. 

He’s all alone in the apartment, and no one is listening, and he hasn’t done this in forever.

Ryan’s mp3 player is hooked into the speaker underneath the microwave, and his little brother hates My Chemical Romance but somehow he’d kept all of Danny’s favorite albums, held onto them through device after device while Danny was gone, just moved the whole pile of music from one to the next.

Four years and all his music was still here, just like Ryan and like everything else, waiting for him to come home.

He was supposed to be doing the dishes right now, cleaning the kitchen, but he lets himself stop just for a second.

Just because he’s alone.

Just to dance.

He spins again, letting himself get dizzy, thinking of the concerts he and Ryan used to go to, dragging his brother along to stand at the edges and make judging faces while Danny threw himself around with the others, pushing and jumping and screaming along with the singer and helping each other up when someone fell down, the clasp of a hand around his wrist as he pulled another guy up off the floor, heard his shouted thanks dimly through the music, and they all went right back to dancing.

Bend down, let his hair fall, feel the sweat- and back up, to feel his back stretch, eyes closed, hands loose down at his sides and for a second he’s not scarred, there’s never been the cold and the hurt and the rules, there’s only the music, the chorus, the beat.

“So many bright lights to cast a shadow… but can I speak? Well, is it hard understanding-… I’m incomplete… a life that’s so demanding, I get so weak - a love that’s so demanding, I can’t speak-”

He grins into the chorus, half-screaming the words more than singing them, covered in goosebumps, and he hasn’t listened to this song in so fucking long. “I am not afraid to keep on living… I am not afraid to walk this world alone, honey if you stay I’ll be forgiven, nothing you can stay could stop me going home.”

He dances through the song, all alone, turning the music up until the walls nearly shake with it, until he worries the neighbors might come banging on the door to tell him to shut up. He keeps his eyes closed.

“Can you see, my eyes are shining bright? ‘Cause I’m out here on the other side,” He sings, a note of defiance in his out-of-tune voice, because Abraham Denner is in prison and Danny is out of the woods and he’s out here on the other side, you motherfucker, and he’s never going back. 

You can’t have me anymore.

“Of a jet-black hotel mirror, and I’m so weak… is it hard understanding, I’m incomplete? A love that’s so demanding, I get weak… Oh, I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone, honey if you stay I’ll be forgiven, nothing you can say can stop me going home…”

Danny keeps dancing.

My name is Daniel Michaelson.

He spins and he jumps and he lets his body move in ways it hasn’t moved in four and a half years, his tall lanky body turning circles in the small apartment kitchen, singing with tears in his eyes, because he’s right here, this is real, this isn’t a dream, he’s right fucking here.

“I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone, honey if you stay I’ll be forgiven, nothing you can stay can stop me going home-”

He knocks into a kitchen chair and laughs at himself, shoves it further away, goes right back to dancing. He’s in the dark, in a club packed so tight the fire marshal couldn’t be happy with it.

“I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone-”

Somewhere in the club in his fuzzy memories Ryan has a drink and probably a new boyfriend or girlfriend by now, and Danny is alone in the dark but it’s not a darkness he fears, because he doesn’t know to be afraid of the dark yet.

“-honey, if you stay I’ll be forgiven, nothing you can say could stop me going home…”

He’s 22 years old, and it’s before he learned to be afraid - and he’s 26 years old and he doesn’t have to be afraid any longer.

“These bright lights have always blinded me, these bright lights have always blinded me… I say…”

I belong to myself.

He takes a deep breath, standing still in the kitchen, tilting his head back until he can see the yellow kitchen lights through his eyelids, until he can feel the tears running down his face past the smile, over his scars.

His voice goes soft.

“I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I’d never speak-… awake and unafraid… asleep, or dead?” 

The smile widens.

“‘Cause I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I’d never speak - awake and unafraid, asleep or dead?”

His voice gets louder along with the song, cracking with emotion, belting out the repeated lines over and over with pure, furiously elated sincerity, until the song reaches its crescendo, his voice shaking and loud, unashamed.

“Cause I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I’d never speak - awake and unafraid, asleep or deeeeeeaaaaad-”

There’s a sound and Danny cuts off, head jerking back to the doorway and eyes flying open to find Nate and Ryan standing next to each other, staring at him.

I am not afraid to keep on living

“Oh my god,” Ryan says softly, a smile starting to spread across his face, raising one hand to try and hide it. “Oh my god, Danny.”

“Holy sh-shit,” Nate agrees, and there’s a wholly different look on his face, one Danny hasn’t seen since they left the woods, the look that Nate sometimes wore that said if only we weren’t standing where we are, I’d want you so badly it hurt.

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Danny, breathing hard and bright red with exertion and embarrassment, stares at them as the song continues to blare around them. 

Then, after a second, he starts to laugh again, laugh until he can’t stay standing any longer, until he collapses onto the kitchen floor, still laughing breathless and with his bad rib aching, laughing because they saw him and he wishes the floor would open up and swallow him, but laughing too because he’s here to be embarrassed, he’s here to be caught dancing.

Honey, if you stay, I’ll be forgiven

Ryan drops down next to him and, heedless of sweat, throws his arms around him, hands up in his damp red hair and Danny’s skin doesn’t crawl and the music is almost done and he’s here, he’s here, he’s home.

Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

[dailytomlinson]

After Louis Tomlinson’s recent show in Madrid, some fans got the chance to meet him. One girl wanted to talk to him about his song Two of Us , which he had written after the death of his mother. The girl had lost her dad, and wanted the singer to know how much his lyrics had meant to her. He’d never had that in his band One Direction, he says. “We wrote cool songs, but they were love songs. It only goes so far, and to have someone say that I could help them with my…” He pauses. “It blows my mind, that shit. I was proper proud.”

It has been a hard few years. Tomlinson’s mother died in 2016, just as he was about to launch his first solo single. In March this year, his 18-year-old sister was found unconscious at her flat in London and couldn’t be revived. We will come to that, but, professionally, Tomlinson was struggling too. One Direction – that supernova of a boy band – broke up in 2015. Or announced they were taking a break. Or “‘hiatus’ or whatever word we use”, he says with a smile.

At the time, Tomlinson, now 27, was finding his place as a songwriter. “I wasn’t singing a lot, I wasn’t the frontman. Without being a sorry little bastard, I thought: ‘How do I do better, how do I make something of myself, an identity?’” In the last 18 months of One Direction, he says, “I felt like I knew who I was in the band, and I felt a real worth for who I was.” The break up, he says, “rocked me. I wasn’t ready for it. I felt like I was getting to be a better songwriter, singer, a more confident performer, and all of a sudden, when I felt I was finally getting some momentum …”

We meet at a bar in north London. Tomlinson greets me with a hug as if I am one of his fans (I am not, particularly, although I am by the end). He seems open but not vulnerable, and more self-aware and modest than you would expect from a man who was once part of the biggest boy band in the world. He is friendly and relaxed, dressed in a black tracksuit, with a beer in front of him.

Tomlinson’s personal tragedies also meant his solo career has had a bit of a stop-start quality, but now it looks as if there is focus and momentum. He released his single Kill My Mind earlier this month; an album will follow next year. Kill My Mind is an indie-pop delight, not so huge a departure as to alienate his fanbase, but it sounds like the music he grew up listening to – Oasis and Arctic Monkeys – and his South Yorkshire accent brings more than a hint of Liam Gallagher-style northern vocals. He sounds confident on them, more so than on the previous singles he put out, a couple of fairly forgettable collaborations. “I think, in hindsight, that was me trying to find my place in the industry and making music I thought I had to make to get on radio.

“I had this epiphany when I was thinking about the music I grew up with,” he continues. “I kind of had a bit of a word with myself and worked out what I want – to be happy and proud of what I’m doing. I love those early singles, but I never really felt proud of them, because it didn’t feel too true to me.”

As a child, growing up in Doncaster with his mum Johannah, who raised him alone until she married Tomlinson’s stepfather, he loved performing. “I liked to be the class clown, I liked to make people laugh, to show off, all that.” When his younger twin sisters were cast on TV dramas, he would sometimes go along as their chaperone, earning £30. “Where I’m from, we don’t have anyone who’s been on TV or anything like that, so it was super-exciting,” he says. He ended up picking up work as an extra. “The pinnacle of my acting career was one line on an ITV drama. I don’t even know if they used my scene,” he says with a laugh.

When he was 15, he joined a drama group in Barnsley, which his mum would take him to when she could afford it. “I think I was confused, thinking I wanted to act when actually what I wanted to do was perform.”

At school he joined a band, where they sang Oasis and Green Day covers, and when The X Factor came up, he made it on to the show in 2010 on his third attempt. He queued from 3am to make sure the producers wouldn’t have audition fatigue before they saw him, and he got his goal – to get in front of Simon Cowell “and just have a professional opinion on how I am as a singer. I was so flustered. Going from school performances to performing in front of professionals, TV cameras, a 3,000-strong audience. I wasn’t present. I sang terribly. I remember coming away from it thinking: ‘I wonder if I’ve got through as one of those lads who looks all right but isn’t really a good singer.’”

Yet he ended up in One Direction, the band the show put together in its 2010 series. For six years they sold tens of millions of records, broke America and each made a rumoured £40m-plus fortune. Their fans, Directioners, are another level of devoted. I don’t know how he coped with the attention, or the pressure.

There were really only a few times when it got too much, says Tomlinson. They were in Australia and a local news station had got a helicopter and a photographer was trying to get pictures of Tomlinson in his top-floor hotel room. “I think I was naked, or just in my boxers, and even in my hotel room there was no escape. I could feel the pressure.” He tweeted about it – “your standard bratty celebrity tweet” – and was attacked. “At times it did stress me out but never was I allowed to whinge, allowed to be a human and say: ‘Today has got too much for me.’ I found that difficult at first.”

But he is keen not to sound as if he is complaining. “There was much more positive that outweighed that.” And he never blames the fans for their intensity. Theirs is a special relationship, he says. “So many people have bullshitted about what they feel about the fans, but they’re like family to me.”

Even when Directioners have got a bit too ardent – there is a conspiracy theory, for example, that he and his bandmate Harry Styles have long been in a secret sexual relationship – he seems more bemused by it than annoyed. Although he is wary, he says, of adding “fuel to the fire” by talking about it. “I know, culturally, it’s interesting, but I’m just a bit tired of it,” he says. The HBO drama Euphoria recently showed an animated sequence of Tomlinson and Styles together, as imagined by a smutty fan-fiction writer. Was it annoying that a show had taken something fairly niche and given it new mainstream life? “Again, I get the cultural intention behind that. But I think …” He trails off, trying to work out what he wants to say. “It just felt a little bit … No, I’m not going to lie, I was pissed off. It annoyed me that a big company would get behind it.”

Why does he think he never went off the rails during the band’s heady period? “My mates and my family, really. It’s from my upbringing and where I come from. If I went back to Doncaster and I was dripping in Gucci or whatever, I’d probably get whacked. I’m always very conscious of not acting too big for my boots. It’s the people around me who keep me sane and normal, because they give me insight into real life. Some celebrities, in pop in particular, only surround themselves with amazingness, and all they see is good, good, good, which is lovely, but you don’t understand the real world then. I have the luxury of my mates around me, just reminding me how fucking good I’ve got it, really.”

The day of One Direction’s final concert in November 2015, Tomlinson and his bandmate Niall Horan sat together “and had a little cry, because it was such a journey we had been on. That day in general was so poignant. As much as you try and prepare yourself, it’s a whole other thing when it comes.” Because they had worked so much with few days off, he assumed that a break would be exciting. “But it wasn’t like that. When you’re used to working however many days, it’s all that more evident when you’re not doing something. Especially in the first six months. My life became –and I don’t mean this to sound derogatory – very normal, from being a life of pure craziness.”

At the same time that Tomlinson was trying to work out what to do with himself, his mother, to whom he was intensely close, had been diagnosed with leukaemia; she died in December 2016. He performed his first single on The X Factor just a few days after her death, then seemed to half-heartedly continue with his solo career, releasing another single in 2017. It would be another two years – during which he became a judge on The X Factor – before he released Two of Us, a raw and beautiful (and under-rated) song.

“After I lost my mum, every song I wrote felt, not pathetic, but that it lacked true meaning to me,” he says. “I felt that, as a songwriter, I wasn’t going to move on until I’d written a song like that.” He knew he needed to get it out of him, but there was a lot of pressure – he felt he should be an experienced songwriter before he attempted it. Two songwriters he worked with played him the chorus. “It was like the song I always wished I’d written. I went in and put my personal touch to the verses. It was a real moment for me in my grief, and as part of the creative process, because it felt like it was hanging over me.”

Earlier this month, an inquest found that his sister Félicité had died of an accidental overdose; she had been taking drugs, including anxiety medication, since the death of their mother. He has been through some terrible times, I say, which must put a perspective on a pop career. “Exactly,” he says, a little quieter than before. “That whole dark side I’ve gone through, it sounds stupid to say, but it gives me strength everywhere else in my life, because that’s the darkest shit that I’m going to have to deal with. So it makes everything else, not feel easier and not less important, but, in the grand scheme of things, you see things for what they are, I suppose.”

His fans have been crucial, he says. “I’m sure every artist says this, but I do believe it. We’ve been through some dark times together and those things I’ve been through, they carry a weight, emotionally, on the fans as well. And I felt their love and support. I remember really clearly when I lost my mum, that support was mad.”

What have the experiences of loss he has been through taught him about himself? He thinks for a second. “I keep going back to it, but I don’t know if it’s a combination of where I grew up and my mum’s influence, but I just have this luxury of being able to see the glass half-full no matter what.” He is the oldest of his mother’s seven children, which is grounding and means, he says, “there’s no time for me to be sat feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been to rock bottom and I feel like, whatever my career’s going to throw in front of me, it’s going to be nothing as big or as emotionally heavy as that. So, weirdly, I’ve turned something that’s really dark into something that empowers me, makes me stronger.”

He gets up to go to the toilet, which I think is his polite way of asking me to move on, although when he gets back he says, by way of a final word on the matter, “I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. That’s not how I feel for myself. Somehow it fuels me.”

One Direction will get back together one day, he believes. He still speaks to the others. “We’re not texting each other every day, but what we do have, which will never go away, is this real brothership. We’ve had these experiences that no one else can relate to.”

Styles has become quite the superstar. The others seem to have steady solo careers. Tomlinson says he’s embarrassed to admit that, when he first went solo, he would have been devastated had his album “only” reached No 3, so used is he to everything he did with One Direction going to the top. Is it hard not to measure himself against his former bandmates? “Oh, naturally,” he says. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I’ve never been competitive like that, but, naturally, you think: ‘If they’re getting this then I deserve that.’ I think, the longer time goes on, I can see it for what it is and just be proud of them.” And success means something else to him now. “It means I’m happy with what I’m doing.”

[hlupdate]

Louis’ full interview for The Guardian - 25/09/19

After Louis Tomlinson’s recent show in Madrid, some fans got the chance to meet him. One girl wanted to talk to him about his song Two of Us , which he had written after the death of his mother. The girl had lost her dad, and wanted the singer to know how much his lyrics had meant to her. He’d never had that in his band One Direction, he says. “We wrote cool songs, but they were love songs. It only goes so far, and to have someone say that I could help them with my …” He pauses. “It blows my mind, that shit. I was proper proud.” It has been a hard few years. Tomlinson’s mother died in 2016, just as he was about to launch his first solo single. In March this year, his 18-year-old sister was found unconscious at her flat in London and couldn’t be revived. We will come to that, but, professionally, Tomlinson was struggling too. One Direction - that supernova of a boy band - broke up in 2015. Or announced they were taking a break. Or “‘hiatus’ or whatever word we use”, he says with a smile. At the time, Tomlinson, now 27, was finding his place as a songwriter. “I wasn’t singing a lot, I wasn’t the frontman. Without being a sorry little bastard, I thought: ‘How do I do better, how do I make something of myself, an identity?’” In the last 18 months of One Direction, he says, “I felt like I knew who I was in the band, and I felt a real worth for who I was.” The break up, he says, “rocked me. I wasn’t ready for it. I felt like I was getting to be a better songwriter, singer, a more confident performer, and all of a sudden, when I felt I was finally getting some momentum …” We meet at a bar in north London. Tomlinson greets me with a hug as if I am one of his fans (I am not, particularly, although I am by the end). He seems open but not vulnerable, and more self-aware and modest than you would expect from a man who was once part of the biggest boy band in the world. He is friendly and relaxed, dressed in a black tracksuit, with a beer in front of him. Tomlinson’s personal tragedies also meant his solo career has had a bit of a stop-start quality, but now it looks as if there is focus and momentum. He released his single Kill My Mind earlier this month; an album will follow next year. Kill My Mind is an indie-pop delight, not so huge a departure as to alienate his fanbase, but it sounds like the music he grew up listening to - Oasis and Arctic Monkeys - and his South Yorkshire accent brings more than a hint of Liam Gallagher-style northern vocals. He sounds confident on them, more so than on the previous singles he put out, a couple of fairly forgettable collaborations. “I think, in hindsight, that was me trying to find my place in the industry and making music I thought I had to make to get on radio. “I had this epiphany when I was thinking about the music I grew up with,” he continues. “I kind of had a bit of a word with myself and worked out what I want - to be happy and proud of what I’m doing. I love those early singles, but I never really felt proud of them, because it didn’t feel too true to me.” As a child, growing up in Doncaster with his mum Johannah, who raised him alone until she married Tomlinson’s stepfather, he loved performing. “I liked to be the class clown, I liked to make people laugh, to show off, all that.” When his younger twin sisters were cast on TV dramas, he would sometimes go along as their chaperone, earning £30. “Where I’m from, we don’t have anyone who’s been on TV or anything like that, so it was super-exciting,” he says. He ended up picking up work as an extra. “The pinnacle of my acting career was one line on an ITV drama. I don’t even know if they used my scene,” he says with a laugh. When he was 15, he joined a drama group in Barnsley, which his mum would take him to when she could afford it. “I think I was confused, thinking I wanted to act when actually what I wanted to do was perform.” At school he joined a band, where they sang Oasis and Green Day covers, and when The X Factor came up, he made it on to the show in 2010 on his third attempt. He queued from 3am to make sure the producers wouldn’t have audition fatigue before they saw him, and he got his goal - to get in front of Simon Cowell “and just have a professional opinion on how I am as a singer. I was so flustered. Going from school performances to performing in front of professionals, TV cameras, a 3,000-strong audience. I wasn’t present. I sang terribly. I remember coming away from it thinking: ‘I wonder if I’ve got through as one of those lads who looks all right but isn’t really a good singer.’”

One Direction in 2012 (from left): Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne and Harry Styles. Photograph: IBL/Rex Shutterstock Yet he ended up in One Direction, the band the show put together in its 2010 series. For six years they sold tens of millions of records, broke America and each made a rumoured £40m-plus fortune. Their fans, Directioners, are another level of devoted. I don’t know how he coped with the attention, or the pressure. There were really only a few times when it got too much, says Tomlinson. They were in Australia and a local news station had got a helicopter and a photographer was trying to get pictures of Tomlinson in his top-floor hotel room. “I think I was naked, or just in my boxers, and even in my hotel room there was no escape. I could feel the pressure.” He tweeted about it - “your standard bratty celebrity tweet” - and was attacked. “At times it did stress me out but never was I allowed to whinge, allowed to be a human and say: ‘Today has got too much for me.’ I found that difficult at first.” But he is keen not to sound as if he is complaining. “There was much more positive that outweighed that.” And he never blames the fans for their intensity. Theirs is a special relationship, he says. “So many people have bullshitted about what they feel about the fans, but they’re like family to me.” Even when Directioners have got a bit too ardent - there is a conspiracy theory, for example, that he and his bandmate Harry Styles have long been in a secret sexual relationship - he seems more bemused by it than annoyed. Although he is wary, he says, of adding “fuel to the fire” by talking about it. “I know, culturally, it’s interesting, but I’m just a bit tired of it,” he says. The HBO drama Euphoria recently showed an animated sequence of Tomlinson and Styles together, as imagined by a smutty fan-fiction writer. Was it annoying that a show had taken something fairly niche and given it new mainstream life? “Again, I get the cultural intention behind that. But I think …” He trails off, trying to work out what he wants to say. “It just felt a little bit … No, I’m not going to lie, I was pissed off. It annoyed me that a big company would get behind it.” Why does he think he never went off the rails during the band’s heady period? “My mates and my family, really. It’s from my upbringing and where I come from. If I went back to Doncaster and I was dripping in Gucci or whatever, I’d probably get whacked. I’m always very conscious of not acting too big for my boots. It’s the people around me who keep me sane and normal, because they give me insight into real life.” He lives with his girlfriend, Eleanor and his best friend, Oli. “Some celebrities, in pop in particular, only surround themselves with amazingness, and all they see is good, good, good, which is lovely, but you don’t understand the real world then. I have the luxury of my mates around me, just reminding me how fucking good I’ve got it, really.”

With his mother, Johannah, in 2015. Photograph: Dave J Hogan/Getty Images The day of One Direction’s final concert in November 2015, Tomlinson and his bandmate Niall Horan sat together “and had a little cry, because it was such a journey we had been on. That day in general was so poignant. As much as you try and prepare yourself, it’s a whole other thing when it comes.” Because they had worked so much with few days off, he assumed that a break would be exciting. “But it wasn’t like that. When you’re used to working however many days, it’s all that more evident when you’re not doing something. Especially in the first six months.” He spent time in Los Angeles with his son, who was born in 2016, after his relationship with a stylist, Briana Jungwirth. “My life became -and I don’t mean this to sound derogatory - very normal, from being a life of pure craziness.” At the same time that Tomlinson was trying to work out what to do with himself, his mother, to whom he was intensely close, had been diagnosed with leukaemia; she died in December 2016. He performed his first single on The X Factor just a few days after her death, then seemed to half-heartedly continue with his solo career, releasing another single in 2017. It would be another two years - during which he became a judge on The X Factor - before he released Two of Us, a raw and beautiful (and under-rated) song. “After I lost my mum, every song I wrote felt, not pathetic, but that it lacked true meaning to me,” he says. “I felt that, as a songwriter, I wasn’t going to move on until I’d written a song like that.” He knew he needed to get it out of him, but there was a lot of pressure - he felt he should be an experienced songwriter before he attempted it. Two songwriters he worked with played him the chorus. “It was like the song I always wished I’d written. I went in and put my personal touch to the verses. It was a real moment for me in my grief, and as part of the creative process, because it felt like it was hanging over me.” Earlier this month, an inquest found that his sister Félicité had died of an accidental overdose; she had been taking drugs, including anxiety medication, since the death of their mother. He has been through some terrible times, I say, which must put a perspective on a pop career. “Exactly,” he says, a little quieter than before. “That whole dark side I’ve gone through, it sounds stupid to say, but it gives me strength everywhere else in my life, because that’s the darkest shit that I’m going to have to deal with. So it makes everything else, not feel easier and not less important, but, in the grand scheme of things, you see things for what they are, I suppose.” His fans have been crucial, he says. “I’m sure every artist says this, but I do believe it. We’ve been through some dark times together and those things I’ve been through, they carry a weight, emotionally, on the fans as well. And I felt their love and support. I remember really clearly when I lost my mum, that support was mad.” What have the experiences of loss he has been through taught him about himself? He thinks for a second. “I keep going back to it, but I don’t know if it’s a combination of where I grew up and my mum’s influence, but I just have this luxury of being able to see the glass half-full no matter what.” He is the oldest of his mother’s seven children, which is grounding and means, he says, “there’s no time for me to be sat feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been to rock bottom and I feel like, whatever my career’s going to throw in front of me, it’s going to be nothing as big or as emotionally heavy as that. So, weirdly, I’ve turned something that’s really dark into something that empowers me, makes me stronger.” He gets up to go to the toilet, which I think is his polite way of asking me to move on, although when he gets back he says, by way of a final word on the matter, “I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. That’s not how I feel for myself. Somehow it fuels me.”

1D face the fans: the band’s last performance was in 2015. Photograph: Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar One Direction will get back together one day, he believes. He still speaks to the others. “We’re not texting each other every day, but what we do have, which will never go away, is this real brothership. We’ve had these experiences that no one else can relate to.” Styles has become quite the superstar. The others seem to have steady solo careers. Tomlinson says he’s embarrassed to admit that, when he first went solo, he would have been devastated had his album “only” reached No 3, so used is he to everything he did with One Direction going to the top. Is it hard not to measure himself against his former bandmates? “Oh, naturally,” he says. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I’ve never been competitive like that, but, naturally, you think: ‘If they’re getting this then I deserve that.’ I think, the longer time goes on, I can see it for what it is and just be proud of them.” And success means something else to him now. “It means I’m happy with what I’m doing.” Kill My Mind, by Louis Tomlinson, is out now on Arista. His debut album will be released in 2020

[peaches-of-1]

Peachtober | Day 31: Masquerade

Summary: It’s been two years since you and your love Namjoon met. Another year, another Masquerade Ball. However, this year is a bit differnt. Joon-ie is acting different. He’s still your’s, right?

Warnings: Angst, smut at the end, cheating(?), fluffy smut, breeding kink (let me know if I need to add more)

Also, the answer to all my weird questions: @hobis-baby-prince @therealredraven @dimpled-rapper-stan

You and Namjoon had been seeing each other for almost two years. The 25th Halloween Ball is what both of you called your first date even though it was by chance. It wasn’t soon after that everyone knew you as the girl probably dating Namjoon because you were in fact dating him. Four months after meeting, fans had created a ship name for you two: Squirrel and Tree because he was so tall and you were so cute and brown.

It had been your boyfriend’s idea to start a Lovestagram for all of your couple photos instead of putting your couple photos on your individual pages. Those were more for who you were as people and more about careers and friends and life outside of the partnership.

You had been performing as Eurydice in Hadestown which was literally one of the best roles you had ever gotten. It was nearly a year of you playing that part. However, the internet was calling you an unfaithful gf because of how you would kiss another man that wasn’t your boyfriend. You loved Namjoon more than you did Kim Woosung no matter how silky his voice was in comparison to Joon-ie’s natural growl.

Woosung had taken up acting with most of his group serving right now, and it just so happened he was playing Orpheus with you. Today’s show was no different. He made his lovestruck eyes at you and asked Hermes (played by Shinhwa’s Hyesung) if this was a real deal or not.

Then we walked single file on the moving platform, me trying to console him from behind, but not getting through to him.

“Orpheus, you are not alone. I am right behind you. We're all behind you, and I have been all along. We have been all along…The darkest hour Darkest hour of the darkest night Darkest night comes right before the- Right before the--”

Just as Fate had dictated, he turned around to face you, making you gasp in response. He wasn’t supposed to turn around. The thought of the audience was one.

“It's you…” He says with a smile, glad you were actually there.

You nodded, “It's me…” and sang his name one last time starting to cry. “Orpheus~…”

His eyes were so full of hope as he sang back, “Eurydice…” with all the love in his heart...before you’re taken away.

He didn’t hold up his part of the deal. You had to go back. You screamed and he reached as you were pulled back into the darkness by the workers. Then you all had two more songs to do while everyone in the audience was crying even if they had watched it a thousand times before. Hope tended to bring people more tears than tragedy. This show had both.

A moment of silence and then the crowd cheered. Flowers were tossed onto the stage as everyone finished up everything and soon enough, you were back in Namjoon’s arms. He hugged you.

“You did a great job, 공주님. As always.” His smile was hidden behind his mask, but made his eyes smaller as they were pushed up by his cheeks.

You kissed him once you were done with the stage door, “Thank you, 왕자님. Where to for dinner?”

“Our apartment. Pizza and 치맥 are waiting for us.” He said.

“Let’s go!” You said and pulled him along in your matching sweaters that you took pictures of this morning before he dropped you off at work.

There was a couple simply standing in front of your door, both in white diamond encrusted masquerade masks. The two of you instantly froze and prepared to run. Your hand was already reaching for the pepper spray when they both bowed. Rabbit and a Butterfly.

“Please don’t be afraid. We are only here to deliver this year’s invitations.” The taller one said.

Namjoon nodded, “Right. Almost forgot. Please, come in if you have the time.” and moved to open the door.

He unlocked it. You knew who the Rabbit was, but you weren’t sure about the other. Butterly was Namjoon’s Mentor, his Guide. Yet you had no clue about her identity except she was well revered in k-pop history. Your guess had been someone from SNSD. You weren’t allowed to know, however, so you would spend many years wondering.

Once inside, you jabbed Heechul’s arm, “I hate when you show up unannounced, and you know that.” no longer in awe of everything he was. You were too close of friends for that.

“Ouch. Don’t treat me like that. I’m working.” He chuckled and then pulled out a five colored envelope from his pocket.

Your name was on the back. Namjoon was handed one by his Mentor with his own stage name on it in neat hangul. You received the letters with both hands and thanked them.

“That’s not all.” She said, the Butterfly. “You have to wear this too.”

Medium sized boxes that most likely held your masks.

They then told you “Happy Halloween” before leaving. There was something strange about the look she gave your boyfriend. You weren’t the jealous type. You swear! It just stuck out for some reason. Seemed, unnecessary.

Both of you opened your invites away from each other and called the ones who had just been in there to set up an appointment for your fittings. You looked at your invitation.

Emerald. Green. It seemed as if the invitation really was made of the gem itself what with the way it sparkled and all. After about half an hour of conversation, you two snuggled up with animal night masks in matching pajamas to eat cold pizza and watch the latest episodes of Jin’s and Taehyung’s TV shows. Even Yoongi was a judge on a singing competition nowadays.

You had described your dress to Heechul saying you wanted to show off your legs. This wasn’t the Christmas Ball held by him each year, so you could be a bit less covered. Ruffles too, but not too many. You looked at your card again and what had come in the box. Your mask, yes, but also the emerald choker you’d be wearing.

Emerald. With these Masquerades, you let yourself be a bit extra and ignored the rules of fashion a bit. Today was your off day after all, so you followed the Rabbit’s tracks to the tailor’s shop on the outskirts of Seoul. You and Namjoon would find out each others’ color on Halloween Day. This cast of Hadestown had a less famous understudy, and you wondered if she was going to be invited or not. You kept a close eye on your phone to see if it’d be cancelled that day.

Heechul was in his rabbit mask the whole time you were being fitted, giving comments as you were done up and beauty was stitched around your frame. He also asked about your makeup.

“Sparkling and green, both eyes and lips.” You replied. “I might even do some green highlighter, but I feel like I’d be stepping into Elphaba territory if I do that so perhaps silver? To match the accessory?”

He nodded, “You gain a bit more fashion sense every year, a bit bolder.”

I chuckled, “Well, it’s never consistent. I always want to be talked about for being stunning.”

“And you are, even if the fans don’t know your name.”

“Absolutely. It’s a fun guessing game, and sometimes I realize that I’m wrong when I guess who’s behind the mask.” You replied before changing back into your regular clothing and heading to the museum with Namjoon.

Six days until the ball and the two of you would be leading some middle schoolers through some American Fairy Tales. You dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood while Namjoon was the wolf. The young teens loved it and saw it as a learning experience for their culture class. 

Five days until Halloween arrived, and you spent time working on your outfits for the ball before you had to go in for the show. You put on your many layers and boots and then did your makeup. It was really simple makeup for everyone, so you didn’t need anyone to do it for ya. Taehyung showed up today, surprising you with a kiss on the cheek and some flowers.

“You’re so sweet~” You said. “We’ll go out to eat after the show.”

“I have stuff to film today. I’m gonna be late because I wanted to watch your show, so maybe next time.” He replied.

You smiled, “Lunch on Halloween? We can invite the others out for ice cream with us.”

Taehyung asked, “What kind of ice cream would you get?”

“Matcha probably. I love the color of it. Maybe mint.” You tapped your chin. “What about you?”

“Lemon. Something with citrus.” He smiled his boxiest smile. “Have a good show, (Y/N). I can’t wait to hear you, my Little Songbird.”

So he would be wearing yellow for the ball. You wondered what jewel that coincided with as it was 10 minutes until curtain. One look over your makeup and outfit and you got checked by the costumer. She said it was done correctly and that you had everything. The cast be recording for the Original Cast Album after tomorrow’s show.

You were the one who really pushed for this before the original Hades aka Super Junior’s Siwon officially retired from the entertainment industry to just chill with his family and show up on variety shows every once in a while.

The ball was in four days, and here you were in a binder, leather overalls, and a brown belt with holders on it while singing your solo.

What I wanted was to fall asleep Close my eyes and disappear Like a petal on a stream, a feather on the air

Lily white and poppy red I trembled when he laid me out You won't feel a thing, he said, when you go down Nothing gonna wake you now

Dreams are sweet, until they're not Men are kind, until they aren't Flowers bloom, until they rot, and fall apart

Is anybody listening? I open my mouth and nothing comes out Nothing, nothing gonna wake me now

Flowers, I remember fields of flowers Soft beneath my heels Walking in the sun, I remember someone Someone by my side, turned his face to mine And then I turned away, into the shade

You, the one I left behind If you ever walk this way Come and find me lying in the bed I made

You sniffled at the end and let out a huge breath before smiling and showing off a red carnation in your hair. It was the only one they were video recording for you today since everyone already did the wall song earlier.

Your dress was nearly finished as the spooky romantic holiday was three days away. They no longer needed you to come in since all they had to do was add the sparkle to the skirt and torso. You hugged the tailor and told him you were excited to see his finished project. His partner was there too and she’d be helping, but she didn’t like physical contact all that much. So you simply bowed and said the same thing to her.

Hadestown wasn’t performing today after yesterday’s two shows, so you all went out and helped to hand out candy and visit children at a hospital while we dressed up as our characters but in a more traditional sense. You were a glittering fairy. The kids were interested in your curly hair and some tried to grab at it, but you told them it was better to ask first if you let them touch it at all.

It was hard to say no to such cute faces, though.

Two days until the ball, and Namjoon seemed rather…secretive? He had been going out a lot lately and not telling you where. However, BTS was currently on a break so it couldn’t have been for work. If he was working while he was supposed to be relaxing, you were going to fight him.

“Doubt Comes In” played in your mind as you tried to stay strong and trust him. You did. More than most of your own family members if you’re being completely honest, but that was because he would always communicate with you. He wouldn’t usually leave while you were sleeping without leaving a text saying he had gone out. Namjoon didn’t always tell you what he was doing, but it just seemed so very uncharacteristic of your lover.

Halloween was tomorrow, and you two were doing a Vlive together as you usually did on Wednesdays. It was the two of you cooking a winning recipe with fans as they could watch from three different cameras. Today was an American Korean fusion dish of black bean alfredo pasta with some sweet cornbread as a side.

He cuddled up behind you and gave you a back hug, “You mix that cornmeal so well.” he purred and kissed your neck.

You giggled and bit your lip, “Aren’t you supposed to be boiling pasta?”

Namjoon knew your weak spot, and you knew he wanted something. He was teasing you in the most innocent of ways since you were live.

Your prince hummed, “To think, maybe one day, we’ll be doing this stream with a crying baby in the background or a hungry tike pulling on one of our aprons.”

You stopped stirring to look at him, “You gotta marry me first.”

He winked, “I’ll think about it.” and gave a shy chuckle as he went to go finish his end of things.

Then you two ate with fans watching and answered some questions. Doubt was still nagging at the back of your mind, but you smiled through it knowing he would never betray you or your heart. You loved each other more than anything in this world.

He waved his hand in front of your face, and you focused on Namjoon’s smiling face as he chewed. Then he chuckled.

“You were staring~.” He said in a sing song voice.

“I love you so much.” Was your reply and kissed his nose.

Your Joon Bug scrunched up his face with affection and then you two went back to eating. They wondered if you were having kids or getting married any time soon.

“We’ve talked about getting married.” You replied. “But not as much recently. We’ve just been so busy. Maybe on his next break, we’ll have our wedding. Who knows?” you laughed.

He started singing, “‘You take me in your arms and suddenly there's sunlight all around me. Everything bright and warm, and shining like it never did before.’”

You chuckled and blushed, “You never sing on streams.”

Namjoon shrugged, “I love you so much. Also, guys, make sure to get tickets to Hadestown and watch my wife in the lead role.”

Your fork dropped onto the table, “Wife?” you asked as he used the term 여보 which was mostly used by already married couples.

“They were just asking about marriage, so I wanted to try it out.”

You put your hand on your cheeks because you were blushing so hard, “You. I don’t. I need a minute. Ah, my heart!” you went away from the camera and did a little happy dance.

Just him saying that word and referring to you was enough to make your heart race a thousand times in a second. To actually be his wife. To be the one he wanted to spend his life with. That was a moment worth more than your weight in gold, or diamonds, or emeralds. Or amethyst. Namjoon’s invite was on the coffee table, and you were just barely able to make out the words.

Today was the day when you got to wear your dress to the Halloween ball. Your mask was in your hand while Namjoon was looking in the mirror trying to put on his Jewel, a choker matching yours but made of amethyst.

He froze the moment he saw you in the reflection, “Wow…you look. You’re stunning, Y/N, and here I thought you could never be more beautiful. You’re literally glowing.”

“You say that every year, 왕자님. Need help with your necklace?” You reached out as he nodded and handed it to me.

“Maybe I should’ve put the mask on last instead.” He chuckled.

You smiled as you could reach his neck better at this angle, “Your eyeshadow looks great.”

“Yours too. Hopefully, it won’t melt by the time we’re back at the hotel.”

“Hotel?” You asked. “What hotel?”

He smiled, “Surprise. Since we live quite far from the venue, I decided to book a hotel for the night.”

You gave him a cheeky grin, “Is that so?”

“Mmmmhmm~”

“Can’t wait.” You whispered before grabbing both of your invites and taking a moment to admire how Namjoon was only wearing a purple velvet blazer with dress pants and black Oxfords.

There was no vest or dress shirt under the blazer. Guess he must’ve heard your thoughts about showing more skin and wanted to partake in the look as well. You had your right leg out as well as your own shoulders to make sure the Jewel stood out. The two of you had matching feather and acorn earrings with a matching gem stud in opposite ears.

Your lips and eyes shone just as much as the choker. Namjoon had put on simple but still bold shadow. Both of you had decided to wear colored contacts in the other’s given color scheme. It was fun to wear purple contacts.

The two of you joined arms and went into the sapphire colored limousine that had the other guys and their dates waiting inside. Hobi had been lucky enough to also get emerald and wore a green and black Gucci suit while his boyfriend was in an ombre purple ball gown. It seemed they had been given matching brooches. Taehyung was in a golden yellow suit and waved, showing off his yellow citrine bracelet which matched his gf’s blonde hair which cascaded over a bold ruby red gown.

Yoongi and his partner were both in amethyst tuxes. Jin seemed to be whispering sweet nothings to his darling love as he was in his ruby embroidered blazer and they tucked their neon pink hair to show off their emerald earring. Both Jimin and his hunk of dark chocolate were in blues which made me happy because he looked best in that color.

Jungkook said hi as he adjusted the leaf shaped emerald brooch on his white cravat which peeked out of his silk green vest. He looked like a prince with his banana dressed gf by his side, both showing off their tattoos.

It had been a while since they had all been together like this, about a month or so because they had all gone home. Now you were all in the back of a limo and having a good time jamming to music and chilling to random music, featuring some of your vocals since the Hadestown album was coming out bit by bit.

“Ah, you’re such an angel, (Y/N)-ssi. You’ve grown so much since you were in Hamilton,” Jimin said. “We’re so proud of you.”

You blushed, “Thanks, guys. It helps that I was able to get a vocal coach after the ball that year. I had a bunch to choose from.”

Soon enough, you were at the rather large mansion where this ball was being held. All fourteen of you did makeup touchups before securing our masks on. Jungkook and Neveah were first out of the limo, followed by Tae and Imani. Jimin was helped out of the car by his boyfriend Evan who had gotten his hair lined up nice for this event. Yoongi and his boyfriend kissed each other’s cheeks after they got out, and Jin was the perfect gentleman helping his partner out of the car as well. Next were you and Namjoon who were then followed by Hobi and his bf Sara. 

There. You walked the ruby red carpet and posed for the cameras. The air of mystery of who was dating who even though the world knew who you were without the masks on. You greeted the livestream, and he kissed your lips before we headed in. You would be entering from the top of the stairs into the main room.

However, both you and Namjoon were stopped before and given matching crowns. Not small ones or light ones either. Real heavy crowns that had all the jewels placed in the framing. You asked what this meant, and the woman who placed it on you simply smiled and said that was for later.

She seemed to have the same build as Namjoon’s mentor but it was a different mask. It was a relief that you didn’t have to work during the ball this year and sing for attention to boost your career.

Your friend Zuzu had come to Korea to spend it with her girlfriend Amber. There were rumours about their relationship, but nothing had been confirmed. Then again, she said that they were going to go public December 1st. They made such a cute couple. Both were were wearing red. Zuzu in a dress that matched the streak in her braided hair and Amber in a crushed velvet blazer and matching pants, large rings on their fingers. Zuzu’s dark brown skin went so well with the silken gown making her appear as a volcano of affection.

She came and hugged you tightly, “OMG, you are slaying that dress gurl. Lookin’ like an expensive ass avocado.”

“Ok, Miss Bell Pepper lookin’ goddess.” You said in response getting her to laugh. “Nice to see you again, Amber.” You smiled in her direction.

“Hey Y/N, you look great.” She said in her red suit with glitter lapels.

You asked with a playful tone, “Where’s your dress~?” not even able to finish the sentence before laughing.

“I only wear a dress for certain people when we’re doing certain things.” She pulled Zuzu back by the waist and kissed her cheek.

Sara asked who Amber was with shyly because they looked so good together. You introduced Hobi’s boyfriend to the sapphic couple and they were able to hold an easy conversation while you continued to dance with Namjoon who you knew was starting to feel a bit neglected.

“You could’ve talked to them longer.” He said.

You shook your head, “I mean, I could have, but we don’t get much time to be together. You’re the one that I love in this world.”

Namjoon blushed, “I love you too.” and he kissed your forehead before spinning you around a bit. “How many children do you want?”

“More than two. Only children usually grow up wishing they had siblings.” You replied.

“Hmmmm, if we were to get married, where would you want the wedding?” He asked.

You smiled, “Anywhere you are...as long as we go to someplace really fun for our honeymoon.”

Joonie grinned, “Note taken.”

Then you got a very pleasant surprise.

Chan’s girlfriend and one of your best friends, Jay, showed up in matching sapphire looks. The media called them Chay while all her friends called them Cray because they were crazy in love. Also, we used his English name. She hugged you and you complimented each other on your outfits.

She was in a tight fitting evening gown with a lace cape. Her Jewel was a blue monochrome brooch that was clipped onto her waist. Her hair was put into a sleek ponytail. Chan had the biggest professional crush on Namjoon, and it was so obvious especially with his red ears so close to his blue blazer and pants. His brooch was on his left side, over his heart and shaped like a dragonfly. He had a layered cravat the color of cream.

Jay talked about the book she had written. Chan bowed to his sunbaenim Namjoon and the two men talked about what the younger would be doing for their next comeback.

“I actually wanted to ask you a huge favor.” She said, her Korean having a bit of a Dutch accent to it.

“Anything for you.” You replied.

She shoved a small packet in your hands, “Learn this in like an hour and then perform it real quick. It’s to promote the musical I’m making out of my book. If you just do this one favor for me, then you can have the lead. Nay, you can have any part your heart desires. Please please please? I just finished writing it this morning or I would have gotten it to you sooner.”

“I swear to God, Jay. I better get to help design costumes.”

“Anything. I love you so much.” She said and then put her arm through yours. “We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

For about an hour and a half, you studied the lyrics she wrote along with the beautiful melody. She admitted that it was based on one of her old fanfictions before she dated her current idol bf about “an introverted young man working as a barista in a book cafe where every day the girl of his dreams drops by. But what would a girl like her, beautiful and cool, want with a nerd like him?”

It was originally about Jungkook, but she got the book deal after she changed the names away from idols and towards “regular” names. She kept the lead as a Korean male, however.

And then you were rushed on stage with the music packet in front of you on a music stand just in case you needed it. Sara and his love Hobi were in the front row with Namjoon rushing to make it to see you as he was a steady source of strength.

Jay stood up on stage and smiled at you before addressing the audience, “Hello, I am an internationally acclaimed author R.R. Valravn. Pleased to meet you. My friend Y/N is up here ready to sing a song from my book because it is being turned into a musical set to debut in 2-3 years. Until then, here is a taste of what’s to come.”

She stood off to the side and had her co-writer play piano while you sang the song she had written. *

“Day in day out soft mellow tunes / accompanied by the warm scent of coffee / and the tales of others to protect / fill the hours at a distant  of a young man with a dreaming mind. / Often I wonder how the world looks / through eyes filled with fantasy / yet there is no courage to ask / for fear of waking him / for killing those dancing lights / ignorant of reality. / So I let him dream, / hoping one day the imaginations / are no longer creative ghosts / and the world is his story.”

*(Read Down the Rabbit Hole by TheRealRedRaven on Tumblr)

Everyone watched as you slowly opened your eyes to see Namjoon’s mentor whispering in his ear and then wiping her lipstick off of him. A small fire flared up inside of your stomach. She was trying to make him cheat on you. You could just feel it. You could feel there was a secret between them, and it pissed you off!

Because you didn’t want to be seen as the angry black woman, you smiled as you, Jay, and the pianist bowed together before leaving the stage.

Namjoon came over to congratulate you, “Hey, you did such a great job, Princess.”

“Don’t you princess me. Why don’t you go chat it up with your Mentor about whatever is going on between you two?” you pulled your arm away and huffed.

You found yourself in the fall tinted garden. Orange leaves were lit by amber lighting encased in black iron. False ghosts and real spider webs decorated the area. And you found yourself running into an empty gazebo that overlooked the city.

Why was he keeping secrets from you? What was so scary that he couldn’t tell you, the one he supposedly loved? You trusted him! You loved him! Did he no longer feel the same? On your two year anniversary of dating? And here you thought you were going to marry him.

“Y/N! Princess, what are you doing? What happened?” His concern sounded so truthful, making it sting even more as he tried to catch his breath.

“You tell me! I’m not blind. You’ve been sneaking out lately, when I’m sleeping. Where do you go? To see your Mentor?”

“Yes, but--”

“WHY?” You didn’t want to yell, but you did. The word reverberated off of the marble poles. “Why are you going behind my back to see that woman? I don’t even know who she is!”

“Ailee. It’s Ailee. We’ve been friends for a long time. She took me under her wing, but none of that matters.” He was so upset and confused that you couldn’t look at him.

You instead responded, “Then why are you sneaking out to see her? Without telling me when or at least why.” with your hands tightly gripping the banister. He was so good to you but it pained you to look at him.

“Because, Princess, she’s been helping me do something...for you.”

You rolled your eyes and scoff, “What do you--?”

There was a smile in his voice as he said, “Turn around and find out.”

“What the h…” The rest of the words forgotten as you turned and didn’t see Namjoon until you looked down.

He was on one knee in front of you and holding out a ring. You shook your head trying to understand…

“N-Namjoon?”

“Y/N, I’ve spent the last month trying to find the perfect ring to do this with. Ailee has been helping me because I would rather fall off this mountain than ask you to choose your own engagement ring.”

“Don’t say that; you might actually do it, you klutz.” Different tears started to build behind your eyes.

He took a deep breath, “My Princess Y/N, my love of my life, my past and my present state of being belong to you. Will you be my future, too?”

“J-Joon. Joon-ie, I…”

“Will you marry me, Y/N?” He actually said it.

You nodded and covered my mouth as tears started to cascade down my cheeks, “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes! I’ll marry you, Namjoon. Of course I will!”

He slid the ring onto your brown hand, the orange light of the gazebo becoming softer in the moment.

Namjoon kissed you and held you tight around the waist as you hugged him still crying.

“I’m so sorry I got so suspicious. You know I didn’t--”

“Shhh, I know, Princess. I know. I just wanted it to be a surprise. I’m so sorry I made you doubt me, 여보.” He said.

You grabbed his face, “Call me that again.”

“여보?”

You kissed him, “Again.”

“여보.” Smooch. “여보.” Smooch. “My lovely wife.”

When I went back inside with the others, Jay approached me with Zuzu and Sara. 

Jay was excited, “I just got like 25 different people saying they wanted to try out for my musical or saying they wanted to fund it. Thank you so much, Y/N I owe you big time, lass!”

“Where were you two?” Sara asked, fixing his necklace.

You held up your hand, “Getting proposed to.” and showed them your ring.

They all squealed and the congratulations started. Then the boys found out that you had said yes and congratulated you. Heechul took off his mask and hugged you, saying he better be invited to the wedding.

“This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you, asshole! Of course you’re invited!” you giggled.

And then Ailee approached after she hugged Namjoon and kissed him on the cheek. You went over to bow and apologize.

She just smiled at your offering, “I’ll forgive you on one condition.”

“Anything.” You replied.

“Be a good wife for Namjoon and a good mother for the children you two will raise. Work together with him and be happy.” She held my shoulders.

You nodded and giggled, “Done and done.”

“Then you’re forgiven.” The brown haired idol said, hugging me tightly.

So that’s what the crowns were for. You were Halloween Ball royalty having met and now being engaged at the party. They had known. Why would they not? You and your husband to be Namjoon danced in the middle of the ballroom until it was time for you all to leave.

Your car with him went to the hotel he booked. The small bags of luggage were already in the Lovers’ Suite. The two of you began to get out of the super formal clothing and into the more comfortable nudity.

“여보~” You said. “Can you help me out of this dress?” The question came out of your mouth as your arms were already out of it.

Namjoon came over after tossing his blazer on the plush chair and unzipped the gown, and you let it fall to the ground. You were still in your undergarments as you hung up the dress and set it on the other chair before swinging around the stripper pole that was in the room.

“Really, Namjoon. If you wanted me to give a show, you could’ve just asked.”

He was blushing, “I didn’t know it had one of these. I--”

“Mmmmhhmmmm~”

You faced the pole and then tried to climb it, but Namjoon didn’t want you getting hurt by any pole that didn’t belong to him. As soon as he kissed your neck, your legs nearly gave out and you let out an airy moan.

“When did you wanna get married?” he asked.

“Now.” You responded in your lacy mint colored lingerie smiling at him.

He chuckled and began to grope at your breasts, “Do you think it would be too much if we consummated before the wedding?”

You smiled and turned around, “No.”

Your lips met his and you unbuttoned his pants as he unclipped your strapless bra. The heat between you two increased as you became more and more undressed. You loved him. You loved him so much, and you made sure he knew that.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“I was about to say the same thing, and yet somehow you’re mine.” He said as he laid you down on the bed, your choker jewels clacking against each other.

You giggled, “It’s been a while since I’ve had you in a collar.”

He licked your ear and purred, “I could say the same to you.”

You moved your leg to rub up his crotch, making him gasp and whimper as you made contact, his brown eyes fluttering for a moment before they focused on you. Namjoon didn’t hesitate to kiss all over your chest. He sucked on your nipples making you mewl in pleasure and grab his head as he went lower and lower. His long fingers played with your clit and soon he sunk two digits inside your folds.

“Baby, you’re so wet.” He purred.

“Only because I love you, idiot.” You gave a breathy moan that hitched in the middle as he took your pert dark brown nipples between his teeth and tugged. “Ooooh, Joon-ie~ I can’t, oh, I can’t wait.”

Namjoon swirled his tongue around your chocolate areolas as he added another finger inside of you. His fingers still had several rings on them, making the texture even more enjoyable for you pussy which began to pulse at the added stimulation. Your fiance had a silly rule for having sex with you, one of the few he had. You had to orgasm at least once before he fucked you loopy. He was a gentle lover, sensitive and sweet and considerate until he got inside of your heated cunt. Then he lost all of his reason and just wanted to fuck you.

It was so cute when he got so needy. Even when he was domming or during simple sex, he’d ask for your permission to cum. Sometimes you were the one begging for release because it felt so good and you lowkey forgot which role you played for the night.

You blindly reached for his cock and began to rub it making Namjoon bite his lip and moan with his eyes closed. He was already very sticky from his own leaking precum as well. You turned the tables so that you were on top and lined up his cock with your hole and began to sink down.

“Babe, what, ah~ what about the condom?” He hissed and held your hips.

“Ah, ah, oh shit. Don’t need one tonight.” You said, stretching to fit his thick dick inside. “I’m gonna be your wife soon and we should get a head start on making babies.”

His eyes lit up, “We’re gonna have such beautiful kids. With a mother like you, oh fuck Y/N! How many kids?”

“As many as you can fuck into me.” You bit your lip and bounced on him. “Use your hips, you gorgeous idol you.” You giggled.

Namjoon lifted his hips to connect with yours, making you squeak. He smiled up at you and you clawed his chest as his cock reached deeper and deeper inside of your wet heat. Your moans filled up the room, but it was a waste to be in the lovers’ suite and not use any of the toys. You grabbed the scarf you were going to wear tomorrow and told Namjoon to tie your hands to the stripper pole.

He did and just watched you squirm for him as he searched for something for himself. What he found was a vibrating cock ring that kept him hard as he plunged into you again as you faced him. A connections of eyes and a shared smile led to a kiss deeper than his dick could ever go. So tender and yet so rough that both of you teared up.

“I love. I love you. I love you so much.” You said.

“Me too. I love you too. I can’t wait to be your husband, Y/N. Kim Y/N, my wife. Oh god, I’m gonna cum.” He said lifting your leg over his shoulder.

You gripped the cold metal made hot by constant friction, “Let’s see if we can get some twins out of you? Kiss me.”

“Always.” Namjoon thrusted his hips into you more and more and felt you melt on him as he painted your insides white with his cum.

A moment of hard breathing and your legs began to shiver as your third orgasm of the night washed over you no matter how dry it was. You could feel Namjoon’s cum leaking out of your pussy. He scooped it up and pushed it back inside you.

“Can’t have twins if you let them seep out of you.” He kissed your shoulder and laughed. “What the fuck did I just say?”

Both of you began to laugh and then he untied you and you used your mouth to clean off his dick before both of you hopped into the shower. Then you and your husband to be cuddled in the large bed before falling asleep in each other’s arms. You couldn’t wait to be his wife.

A note from the author:

Thanks to everyone who read along with my updates and requested reactions and moodboards! Since October is nearly over, we’re gonna start getting ready for Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hannukah! Feel free to start requesting for that even thought they will not come out until December.

Also, make sure to answer the survey that was posted right before this. Remember that all past prompts and writings can be found in my Masterlist, located in my bio.

[ofwizardsandmen]

FLYING LESSONS

“There’s a few rules in the world: The sky is blue. Quidditch sucks. Tyler Lee is out there to ruin Mark’s life.”

Word count:  2,9k

Genre: fluff

 Characters: Tara Lee, Mark Yang, Tyler Lee, Ella Yang

AU: Gossip Witch 

There’s a few rules in the world: The sky is blue. Quidditch sucks. Tyler Lee is out there to ruin Mark’s life.

Mark purses his lips when his brother-in-law walks through the door of the kitchen, his unbearably cheerful voice calling his daughter’s name, followed by the even more unbearable announcement of his presence.

“Uncle Ty is here!” Tyler ignores Mark, who’s standing by the fridge, bowl of fruit in hands, and strides past him, arms wide open and excited smile crossing his lips.

Mark is almost disgusted at the sight of him, but Ella jumps from her seat, smiling brightly and briefly diverting his attention from the unwanted guest that’s now holding his daughter in arms.

“Uncle Ty!” Ella’s tiny arms wrap around Tyler’s neck as the man peppers her cheeks with kisses. “Uncle Ty, I’m so ready to learn how to fly!” The little girl’s voice rings through the room.

“Of course you are” Tyler twirls Ella around, making his niece burst out in giggles.

Mark frowns, placing the bowl on top of the marble counter before crossing his arms over the chest.

“You better bring her back safe and sound” He grumbles, forcing Tyler to turn to look back at him, eyebrow rising in a perfect arch and a matching grin curling the corner of his mouth.

“Yang” Tyler says as he puts Ella back down, eyes rolling almost automatically once his niece runs out of the kitchen, calling his mother “Good morning. What are you doing here? I thought you were in L.A.”

One of the most impressive things about Tyler is how easily he can say the most —seemingly— harmless words and still offend Mark. Tara’s husband stares at his wife’s brother for solid ten seconds, silence echoing through the kitchen and something he wants it to be a harsh expression crosses his face. Though his round glasses make him look a bit lost and not as nearly as threatening as he wishes to appear, Tyler is briefly taken aback by Mark’s audacity. How dare he look at him with anything less than gratefulness. He’s taking care of Ella and doing all those things a father in the magical world is supposed to do, on his behalf. Tyler is ready to reply with one of his nasty comments when someone interrupts him.

“Ella” A female voice speaks from the threshold of the kitchen. “Why don’t ask Uncle Ty for help to bring your broom and protection equipment down here?“

“T, I can just summon-” Tyler stops right after catching the look his sister is casting him before following an excited Ella pulling him upstairs.

Mark can hear his daughter laughing and yelling enthusiastically and he can’t help but feel irked by the fact she enjoys her uncle’s company this much. It’s unfair she gets to spend so much time with someone else on the very few free moments he can spare for his family. Being a father is a responsibility Mark Yang takes very seriously and he tries his best to squeeze time for Ella into his already-too-busy schedule. Oftentimes Mark takes Ella to his activities abroad or allows her to play in his studio while he works on new music, but he is well aware that he is failing to spend enough time with her and sometimes he wishes Tara and him would’ve put off having children for a year or two, but Ella is here now and Mark wants nothing but to be the best dad for her. Something he —rightfully or not— believes he’s not quite managing to achieve.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You’re never that hostile to my brother” Tara says, her eyebrows go up as she leans on the doorframe and smiles at Mark, “Even when he absolutely deserves it” She adds, trying to humor him.

Unlikely of him, Mark grumbles something incompressible that Tara takes as “nothing” and rolls eyes as he claims he’s not being hostile.

But Tara is never wrong, Mark is always genuine smiles, cheekbones in full display, soft voice and candid eyes, yet today he looks like he would easily bore a hole through Tyler’s skull just by glaring at him. And Tara is almost afraid he is able to, judging by the way he keeps staring at the place where her brother was standing only a few seconds ago.

“Mark” Tara looks at him incredulously, as she places her hands on her hips. “Seriously?”

Mark has never been able to lie to Tara, so he doesn’t know why he’s even attempting o start now, but he still tries to keep a facade by shrugging lightly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He says, looking away from his wife before she could examine him with her sagacious eyes as if she could x-ray his brains.

“No, of course, you don’t” She chuckles, walking up to him, acting far too casual for him to let his guard down. “Anyhow, watermelon?” Tara asks, now standing beside him a picking a piece of the fruit from a plate on the counter.

Mark’s eyes immediately soften and he lets out a deep contained breath while Tara offers him a cube of his favorite fruit with a fork.

“I’m sorry,” he says, taking the fork from her hand and cramming the watermelon in his mouth

“You don’t need to be sorry. It’s just weird…” Tara shrugs her shoulders. “You’re usually nice to Tyler even when he’s being a pain” she adds, resting both hands on the counter and leaning over them.

“I was just expecting to spend some quality time with Ella” Mark sighs. “And you. We haven’t really spent that much time together recently.” The man puts the fork back on the bowl and wraps his arms around her from behind, squeezing his arms around her waist “With the tour and the new album about to come out, I feel like I’ve been neglecting Ella. It’s not fair for her.”

“She’s a clever girl, like her mother,” Tara says, turning around to face her husband “She knows you work hard and she’s too busy with school and ballet and piano classes, she barely notices it when you’re away.”

“That’s exactly the type of reassurance I needed” Mark rolls eyes at Tara “To know my daughter doesn’t care when I’m not around”

Tara chuckles and pokes the tip of Mark’s nose playfully “I didn’t say that. I just said you barely spend time away from her. You travel a lot, but you never neglect her, you always call her and make your best to come home even if it’s only for a day between the tour dates. You drain yourself on behalf of our girl and she appreciates the efforts you make” Tara explains in a soft, hushed voice. “You are an amazing father” she adds as her fingers run through his hair. “And if I had known how upset you’d be about Tyler giving her flying lessons, I wouldn’t have agreed to”

“All I’m saying is, he could’ve picked any other day” Mark finally voices what’s bothering him, but Tara can’t ignore the way his lips stretch, almost forming a pout “He already gets to spend a lot of time with Ella, I will only be here today before hopping on a plane to God knows where”

“I’m sorry, babe, I should’ve double-checked the dates” Tara gives him an apologetic look “It’s just that you know how busy Tyler is and Ella has been bugging me about this for weeks”

“I’m busy too” Mark protests, now the pout fully present in his lips.

Tara laughs, fighting back the urge to kiss the pout away.

“I know, babe, but you know how persistent Ella is.” she links her arms around Mark’s neck, looking at him with a teasing smile. “She’s a Yang after all”

“Well, I guess we can use some alone time” Something like resignation crosses Mark's features as he speaks.

“You speak as though spending time with me is a consolation prize” Tara squints at him “And not a very good one, at that,” she says, pretending to be hurt.

“You’re just a prize” Mark cheekily replies, earning a fake disgusted grimace from Tara as he leans across to kiss her.

Mark kisses his wife soundly and steadily and it feels like time has never really passed; like they’re still two teenagers madly in love, who are holding something indescribably delicate and beyond price in their hands.

Then, the sound of Ella giggling and running down the stairs becomes the focus of their attention and they pull away while their daughter’s tiny feet run closer and closer until she comes skipping into the kitchen with Tyler following closely with his arms crammed full of flying supplies.

“Ok, we gotta get going because Ella wants to pick some ice-cream on our way back” Tyler announces, eyes narrowing at how intimately close Tara and Mark are standing when he steps back into the room. “Say bye to your parents, Ellie” Ella only waves at her parents before grabbing her uncle’s hand and pulling him toward the back door of the house. Tara and Mark follow them.

“Well, goodbye” Tyler says laughing at how eager his niece looks about leaving. “See you both later”

Before they walk out the door, Tara stops them, calling Tyler’s name

“Yes, sis?” He sighs as he turns on his heel.

“Make sure nothing happens to Ella and bring her back before lunchtime.”

Tyler nods twice. Looking bored and stopping himself from rolling eyes, he attempts to reassure Tara “What can possibly happen when she’s with me?”

Neither Tara or Mark dare to actually reply to that question, but as Ella seems to grow impatient, they let them go without further delay

“Uncle Ty, once I learn to fly, will you teach me how to be a seeker too?” Mark and Tara can hear Ella’s voice asking hopefully.

“Of course, angel, you know your favorite uncle would do anything for you.” Tyler affirms.

“She already has men eating from the palm of her hand”  Tara comments with a chuckle as she wraps an arm around Mark’s waist.

“She’s too spoiled” He states, shaking his head. “She didn’t even say goodbye to her father” A dramatic sigh accompanies his complaint, but seconds later Mark has to take his words back when Ella comes back into the room panting.  

“Daddy!” She says “You forgot to say it!”

Tara and Tyler, who appears on time to stick his head out the door, look at Ella quizzically, not quite getting what she means. And Mark looks equally confused until Ella insists.

“The thing you always say when I leave!” the girl shouts impatiently before being swept from the floor into a bear hug from her dad.

“God bless you, my child,” he says with a proud smile, much to Tyler’s and Tara’s perplexity.

They only exchange confused gazes and shrug before Ella explains them that her muggle father is putting a spell on her to keep her safe.

They all laugh at that.

Apparently Mark Yang can truly perform magic after all.

***

[douxreviews]

Cloak and Dagger - ‘B-Sides’ Review

"To Tyrone. My best friend. My port in the storm. My hero."

Oh, Cloak and Dagger, I apologize for ever criticizing your love of the theatrical framing device. It paid off with interest this week.

'B-Sides' picks up a visual metaphor from a few episodes back by continuing to represent the personal experiences of our characters as sides of a record. By placing the record on a turntable, you 'experience' the relevant moments of that character's life as recorded there.

This is just a wonderful conceit, and I'm glad that it's back again this week. Clearly we're intended to wonder whose gloved hands are playing the records, but I was so entranced by the elegance of the visual device that I wasn't really that concerned about that particular question. On some level I suspect I was expecting it would turn out to be Tandy herself, ruminating over all the 'could have been' possibilities of her life.

Because, really, that's what we've been conditioned to expect from this sort of format. We spend an episode looking at one or several 'what if' situations, before returning to the status quo as it was beforehand and continuing on with whatever the season long plot is next week. It's a nice way of exploring a character, it can be useful as part of a character's story arc as it lends itself to self-revelation, and most importantly it's super popular with the cast, as it allows them to play different variations on their established characters and do things that that character would never otherwise be allowed to do. Anyone who thinks that 'Superstar' wasn't Danny Strong's favorite episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to film is kidding themselves.

Now, I've gone on record as not being a big fan of 'what if' storylines. Usually they're nothing but a huge pause button that keeps the story from progressing, and it's hard to get invested in them when you know that nothing that happens in the alternate universe can possibly have any consequences. I struggle even to get through 'The Wish,' and that gave us evil, lesbian Willow. What saves this episode from feeling like that was the way that they managed to marry in the reveal of Andre as the real villain while raising a thousand other questions about what's been happening, then somehow taking me in with the exact same last second rug pull that wasn't even particularly fresh when they did it on Angel fifteen years ago.

What I'm really saying, I suppose, is that from an objective perspective a plot summary of this episode would read, 'Tandy takes an ambulance ride to a motel.'  In reality a lot more happened than that. What really happened this week is that we found out that Andre was also caught up in same Roxxon explosion that gave Ty and Tandy their powers. While Tandy got 'hope' and Ty got 'fear,' Andre got 'despair.' When looked at in that light, what we're seeing is exactly the same sort of power usage that we've seen Tandy and Ty use to 'go into' the hope/fear of whoever they're using their power on at that moment. The one thing added is that Andre isn't just going into his victims' despair, he's actively increasing it in his victims, because he needs to feed on the despair of others in order to stop the pain of his migraines.

I should note, I'm not a migraine sufferer myself, but I have enough friends who are that I have no trouble believing that someone would readily take that deal if it made the migraines stop.

Two things worth noting at this point. Excellent job of the show in giving us a completely abhorrent, and yet understandable and sympathetic villain. Andre has clearly made peace with what he's doing, and the fact that he helps nine out of ten women that come to him for help, only eating that tenth one, seems to keep the scales nicely balanced as far as he's concerned. Also, even more excellent job by the show in remembering that Tandy was guilty of this exact same thing during her lowest points last year, and not letting her off the hook for it. I'd been a little concerned that they'd given her a free pass on that one.

So we have three despair visions for Tandy this week, each symbolized by an LP played by Andre in the dark dimension. 'Perfect Life,' 'Fractured Family,' and 'All Alone' are the listed titles of the LPs in question. I highly recommend pausing the screen on the albums to read the track lists written on them, because they're a nice piece of prop detail work and tell interesting little stories in and of themselves.

Each of the three 'elseworlds,' for lack of a better term, attempt to break Tandy down into giving into despair, first through the idea of losing her idea of perfect happiness, then when that doesn't work through forcing her to confront inevitable catastrophe, and then finally through attacking her sense of isolation and loneliness. When none of these work, Andre/Despair realizes what's been fairly obvious to the outside observer from the get go; i.e. that Tandy is never going to be taken down by attacks on her sense of self because her sense of self just doesn't rely in any way on feeling positive about herself. That's just not who she is. Once Andre gets that, he makes the obvious play of forcing her to live through the loss of Tyrone, simultaneously tricking the viewer into thinking that that's what's really happening through the tried and true 'Aha, I've escaped from your twisted dreamscape and defeated you in the real world, oh, no, never mind this is still inside the dreamscape and I've lost now' trick.

Once Andre tries this tactic Tandy gives in almost instantly, as anyone who's been watching could have told him she would. And with that her body arrives at the Viking Motel, which is apparently the final destination for the kidnapped girls. Do all the girls have to have their hope violently removed before they arrive at the Viking? We don't know. But apparently it was necessary in Tandy's case. What's going to happen to her inside? We don't know, but now that she's given into despair it can't be anything positive.  Do all of Andre's victims have to be women?  No, that's probably just implicit sexism on either the part of Andre or the show.  Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say it's Andre.

I'm a big fan of answers that just leave you with more questions. Bring on the next episode, please.

Bits and Pieces:

-- In Tandy's perfect world, she's a ballet dancer with the Met, Ty's a cop, Connors is redeemed, Billy is alive, and even Duane is living his best life. It's strongly implied that Billy and Duane are a couple now, which was a sweet touch. If all of the 'perfect world' stuff was taken from what Tandy would want, then Tandy is a much bigger romantic than we previously knew.

-- What's the relationship between Andre's record store of despair and Ty's dark dimension? Because the record store we see here was clearly in Ty's dark dimension a couple episodes ago. Are they linked somehow? Is Andre... ahem... inside Ty?

-- The use of 'Sweet by and by' as the linking song in each alternate reality was used to nice effect when they used playing it as the reveal that the scene of Ty being shot wasn't real.

-- It's always nice to see Liam again, even schlubby everyman alternate universe Liam.

-- There's a really well done moment when Tandy is in the stolen car with Ty and begins hearing the ambulance sirens bleeding through into the fantasy and she starts chanting 'it isn't real' over and over again. It's a nicely judged moment, because of course she's talking about the siren noise which is actually real while trying to stay focused in the stolen car, which isn't. It's a small detail but I like a show that rewards closer attention to the little things.

-- I can't say how happy I was that in Tandy's perfect world, Ty was still dating Evita. Perfection, to her, did not involve acquiring Ty as a romantic partner. She was perfectly happy with them being dear friends. That was refreshing.

-- The effect of the record changing every time it was flipped over was just neat.

-- I'm happier than I can say that the resurgence of vinyl as a medium means that the kids of today can recognize that static popping sound of an LP that's run to the end. It's just such a useful sound cue.

-- In the perfect world illusion, all the framed pictures in the stairwell are of a veve I didn't recognize. I thought at first it was Andre's and that he must be a Loa or an avatar of some sort, but apparently he isn't. I'm sure that they'll tell us at some point.

-- There is a recurring Marvel villain called D'Spayre, who's sort of a demon/anthropological personification of elemental forces sort of thing.  I couldn't tell you if he's ever encountered Cloak and Dagger in the comics, but Andre doesn't seem to be related to him other than the coincidence of the name. I could, as always, be wrong.

-- My one real criticism of this episode is the problem you almost always get in alternate reality stories. In order to get across what's different in the universe in as short a time as possible, the dialogue becomes ridiculously expository. 'Well, Tandy, as you know the Roxxon explosion didn't happen when we thought it was going to and therefore your father has left town to go to Silicon Valley, leaving me to open a small transient hotel and get this cybernetic leg.'  I get why they have to do it, but it takes me right out of the drama.

Quotes:

Mr. Bowen: "Okay, fine, can we hook him up with some tickets to your ballerina-ing? Ballerama? Dance Battle?"

Ty: "Evita spilled some champagne on me. Might have had a little too much." Tandy: "I knew I liked her."

Ty: "One day, long ago, I saved your life. But every day since you’ve been saving mine."

Mina: "Yeah, I’m not explaining myself to structural engineering Barbie."

Liam: "That’s OK. Birds are people too."

Tandy: "Drive!" Ty: "Uh.. no, crazy white girl."

Andre: "Not misery, Despair. There’s a subtle but distinct difference."

Tandy: "Then I was wrong. I have one person." Andre: "I came to that same conclusion."

I really loved this episode, and I can't wait to see where this is going. Three and a half out of four crappy alternate realities.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[thetygre]

30 Day Monster Challenge - Day #20: Favorite Song/Musical Monster

1.       The Phantom of the Paradise

Phantom of the Opera has spawned plenty of spin-offs and parodies, but none are weirder and cooler than The Phantom of the Paradise. Born in that stage-musical wasteland between the sinking of Hello Dolly and the rise of Lloyd Webber, Phantom of the Paradise was a bizarre rock-opera that was a mixture between the Phantom of the Opera, Faust, and The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Our Phantom this time around is named Winslow; he didn’t start off deformed, but got that way through prison experiments and a record press accident. Winslow just looks and sounds awesome; his teeth are made of iron, and he talks through a voicebox that sounds like a ghost screaming through a CB radio. The entire movie has a bird theme to its characters, so Winslow’s helmet winds up looking like a hawk. In fact, a lot of people probably only know about this musical through the comparison between Winslow and Griffith from Berserk. It doesn’t help that their stories are kind of similar; locked in prison, mutilated, deal with the forces of evil. It’s probably just a coincidence, but I’m not gonna’ lie and say it wouldn’t be a cool reference if it wasn’t. Still, people should give this movie a chance on its own merits, just because of what campy fun it is.

2.       Lilith Immaculate

Cradle of Filth is a symphonic black metal band with a distinct gothic horror bent to their albums. They’ve done several concept albums, including one based around Gille de Rais and another on Elizabeth Bathory, but Darkly Darkly Venus Aversa was an original story. At the center of the album’s story is the monstrous goddess Lilith, trapped by the Knights Templar during the crusades and now possessing a girl sent to a nunnery. It’s all so incredibly gothic; sins of the past, sexual frustration, religious oppression, graveyards, doomed love.

I might not be the best judge of character, but Lilith here hits the nail with the hammer as far as gothic monsters go, reminding me a little of The Great God Pan or Gormenghast. Part of Lilith’s appeal is that, for all intents and purposes, she wins; the album ends with her former lover realizing that he has unleashed something he could never control, and now the world is doomed. Lilith heralds the dawning of a darker age, the antithesis of everything Victorian values holds dear. You can’t help but cheer for her as she readies to make war on the world.

3.       Stanton Cree

Ghoultown is a gothabilly band, which means that it’s like rockabilly but with some Southern rock and it’s about ghosts and vampires and werewolves. Needless to say, they’re pretty great. Their best known song is probably Drink with the Living Dead, which tells the story of a cowboy forced into a drinking match with an undead gunslinger. The ghoul, Stanton Cree, shot a man for his beer and can’t rest until someone beats him in either drinks him under the table or beats him in a duel.

I love ‘Weird West’ songs, and Ghoultown is the epitome of that. Stanton Cree has gone insane from eternal life and is determined to find somebody to beat him, but he won’t go easy on his opponent. It’s the kind of story that belongs in Deadlands or some other cowboy horror setting. It lacks the morality tale aspect of Ghost Riders, but that’s a deliberate decision to emphasize just how bizarre the story is. It’s a perfect mood piece for a dark night out on the Wastes.

4.       The Erlking

Schubert’s Erlking is an old-fashioned fairy, the dangerous and wild kind that need to be feared. As a father rides through the forest at night, his son sees the Elf King trying to seduce him to come away with him. It’s always nice to be reminded that fairies and elves aren’t nice, that they can be as dangerous as any monster or demon. But it needs to be done with a certain degree of subtlety, at least for a while, a delicate touch before the other shoe drops.

The Erlking is of course also a metaphor for death, and the father believe his son is only hallucinating as he dies in his father’s arms. It reminds me of the old medieval stories about how Fairyland was sometimes just a trap made by Hell, or how fairies would appear in afterlife narratives for children. Whether death, fairy, hallucination, or all three, the Erlking is still a chilling figure.

5.       The Phantom of the Opera

I don’t claim to be in the Phandom, I only have a surface knowledge of it, but I feel like the Phantom is still an important monster/horror icon, even before becoming a musical star. The Phantom’s story, even from the beginning, has been about toxic people and learning to grow up. Born deformed, the Phantom embittered himself against the world, becoming a genius at music, engineering, and just about everything else, but a child socially. The lesson he learns is about putting another person’s wants and needs before your own, and that’s still a vital lesson that is incredibly painful to learn. Naturally, I don’t care about that; I just enjoy making fun of Love Never Dies and deciding which Phantom is the best based on grodiness of deformity. Obviously, that’s up to objective taste, but it’s Ramin Karimloo. Karimloo has the most extreme deformities, and is prone to fits of ACTING, so Karimloo takes top spot for musical Phantom. The best non-Musical Phantom is, of course, Lon Chaney, followed by Charles Dance, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Again I’m… I totally don’t care about this musical. I swear.

6.       Mefistofele

I would argue that Boito’s Mephistopheles is the definitive version of the character, even more than Goethe’s. If nothing else, Boito’s Mefistofele defined the look of Mephistopheles, casting him in his famous red cavalier’s outfit. Mephistopheles here is also much more analogous to the Devil than his own separate entity here, since the opera begins with Mephistopheles challenging God to a bet over Faust’s soul. While Mefistofele might not be where the devil started enjoying his work, it’s definitely a far cry from Marlowe’s Mephistopheles urging Faust not to give up Heaven.

Still, despite the loss of complexity, Boito’s Mephistopheles is more personable, more charming, even a bit more human. There are situations he can’t control, and his relationship with Heaven is more casual. In the end, when Faust repents, you get the feeling that Boito’s Mephistopheles was enjoying the ride, and is almost as upset about not being able to have fun anymore as he is about losing his bet with God.

7.       The Water God

Anything by Dethklok kind of feels like cheating, since they were explicitly made to be a parody band of death metal. At the same time, though, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that the entire underwater setting where sea monsters have race wars with mermaids isn’t the dopest shit. And then one of these sea monsters finds a deep sea oracle and they turn into some dark ocean god and it’s all so freaking cool. It is unnecessarily cool for a joke band meant to shill for an Adult Swim show. But the entire epic of the water god here is genuinely more compelling to me than a decent chunk of the fantasy characters I have read about. Maybe I need to read better fantasy stories, or maybe everyone else just needs to get with the program and starting writing Metal epics about killer tritons.

8.       Ghost Riders in the Sky

Now this is the original Weird West song. Demon bulls, undead cowboys, nightmare horses; this song has got it all. And of course, this all goes without saying about how the song is also the unofficial theme song for Ghost Rider, one of my favorite superheroes. The song has that same ‘weird tale’ feel that Drink with the Living Dead has, which is probably because it’s based on an actual Texas folk tale. The image of a special Hell for cowboys is interesting, but I’m more fascinated by the prospect that Satan has livestock. Are all the Devil’s farm animals Metal like his steer? What about his chickens? Does Satan live on a giant dude ranch? Now I want some kind of Western/dark fantasy story where the Devil is a cattle baron all dressed in black and red.

9.       Red

All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 was… God, I’m really putting this on the same list as Mefistofele good lord, but All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 was, well All Dogs go to Heaven 2. I mean it wasn’t the worst direct-to-video cartoon sequel of anything ever, it kind of just drifts there around the middle, but like many DTV cartoon sequels it has, unfortunately, a really great villain with a really great villain song. Designated antagonist Red is a demonic cat who’s after the angel Gabriel’s horn. His design is actually pretty good, and I appreciate the implication that if all dogs are heavenly, then all cats are therefore demonic minions. This is of course a known truth to anybody who has ever had to clean a litterbox, but it’s always nice to be reassured.

However, that alone would not let Red make the list; it takes more than being the redeeming feature of a DTV cartoon sequel to get here. What clenches it is Red’s pedigree; Red is voiced by Broadway musical veteran George Hearn, who has been in everything from Camelot to Wicked, but is most famous for being Sweeney Todd during the musical’s performance in 1970, and stayed with the production through its national tour and its Emmy-winning TV performance. In short, this man was the definitive Sweeney Todd, at least until Johnny Depp. All Dogs 2 even acknowledges it by having an entire sequence set in a demonic barber shop and theater. And I’m just a sucker for that kind of reference, so the evil red cat edges his way in.

10.   The Beast of Pirate’s Bay

There are plenty of Voltaire songs I could have picked, but it figures I would pick the one about a sea monster. A variety of leviathans are conjured up to describe the Beast, without any actual answers given. It figures that like any good tall tale, the Beast changes from teller to teller. The truth is, though, that I find this to be one of Voltaire’s more sympathetic songs, and I can’t help but identify with the ending. Once upon a time there was a little me who loved sea life more than anything else too. The song takes a lower spot because of the actual nature of the monster, but the feeling still shines through.

[kitto-toberu-sa]

Sailor Moon The Super Live Report - September 3rd  (last performance, heart team)

Place: Aiia Theatre Placement: Row 2, Seat 5 (Front, far left)

Performance I bought another ticket after the first show… And lost it.

After a lot of debating, I decided to buy one at the door. I got a side seat, so I was worried about my view, but it was row 2, seat 5. A lot smoother than the last show. I felt like they had nailed everything and were able to bring more of themselves into the character, and build upon what they’d started. For example, Sena was a lot more idol-y and winked a lot more, while Jupiter had a more confident aura around her. The only one who I didn’t really feel it from was Mercury, who seemed to struggle with keeping the right amount of spacing around her.

I’m not sure if this was a mic issue, but it looks like it was just cut. In the school scene, when the fight is over, a few characters said goodbye to Usagi, but it seems like it was just replaced with waving. I really don’t like that. It robs the class of personality, Usagi of friends and honestly costs nothing to add? If you hadn’t seen it with the dialogue, it probably isn’t a big deal, but I personally think the scene lost a human touch, and did look more like a production because of it.

In the Harajuku scene (just after it), there’s a bit where Usagi paints the screens. However, tonight the crew turned on the paint too early. It was for a brief second, but turning it on, then off and then on a moment later kind of took me out of the play. I know how hard stage work is from my own experience, so I don’t judge them, but as a consumer you also want a perfect product.

We start to see Kunzite/Venus happening in the fight scene. I’m honestly not a major fan of this ship, (and that whole subplot in all honesty), but it was done subtly so I didn’t mind it.

Being so much closer to the stage was great. I was able to see the details on everyone’s faces so much more clearly. When Beryl dances with Tux, it was nice the first time, but DAMN. This time? Was AMAZING! She was very much a woman in control, who knew she was strong, who had everything she wished for. She knew she was hot, she knew she was practically unstoppable and had taken everything from her enemies and got everything she wanted. Girl can MOVE. She was having a great time and the whole dance was a great show off of her as a character and was just fantastic! She was honestly just sexy. Her confidence and aura was amazing!

During the fight scene against Mask, I was able to see a lot more details. For example, Mercury using her items to assess the enemy properly. It’s definitely worth seeing shows a second time and from a different seat if possible, especially ones that have so much movement and so many characters everywhere like this one.

Venus’ looks towards Kunzite were also amazing. At one point he held her and it was wonderful. Also the strong expressions on Jupiter’s face~

One big problem was the final scene where Usagi fights Beryl. She goes under the stage as she’s enveloped by Beryl’s darkness (a giant sheet). However, whoever was pulling it back didn’t pull it back properly, so she couldn’t get out. It… didn’t look professional. Her mic might have also been on and a few words were caught before it was turned off or they realised and stopped talking.

This isn’t something to get mad about, but it is bad design. In the first show I saw, there wasn’t a problem but at points the sheet was on stage, instead of being dragged in enough, so it just kinda looked ugly. It’s understandable – this show needs to be easy to perform and easy enough to understand, but also easy enough to travel overseas on a relatively small budget.  

Song Everyone had improved a lot. Mics seemed to be in better positions and everyone seemed more confident.

When Beryl and Kunzite sang, it sounded a lot better than it did the other night. I think this was partly due to mic position and timing, but also confidence and practice. They sounded soooo good.

Interestingly, the cast didn’t seem to be into high fives as much tonight? I guess with a high touch event straight after I can see why. I made a lot of eye contact with the cast this time around, since I was so close to the stage. I stick out a lot too, which helps in situations like these lol. Beryl and Kunzite were both very cool and responded in character. Honestly fam, Beryl can step on me any day of the week (and yes, I said that for the live action Beryl too).

(I think that says a lot more about me than I care to admit ;;;)

Mercury didn’t seem to make as much eye contact with people (though looking into it, she seems to be just making her way into the world of entertainment, so this is possibly her first time in such a big show), while Venus was trying to impress as much of the audience as she could. She had a LOT of fans tonight. The crowd as a whole was much more into it than opening night. (It seems the diamond team came to support them, so it could have been them making all the noise lol)

It’s really nice when the fans get into it. I never want to get too into it unless other people are, because being foreign, you stick out. But I feel like someone needs to start it too…. But tonight’s crowd was cheering like mad, so I’m glad~

After Venus came in through the crowd back onto the stage, she ran up to Kunzite and he hugged her. It looked completely unplanned, but it was gorgeous. As I said, I don’t ship them, but half the audience, myself included, squealed. This whole performance felt a lot more polished, and you could see how each actress brought her character to life a lot more clearly.

I noticed at Moonlight Densetsu, when the streamers were released, there were smaller ones in the mix, as well as bubbles maybe?

High Touch This session came with a high touch (high five) session after the show! You basically line up, high five and leave. Some people left beforehand, which I find weird. Why not get the most bang for your buck?

The line up was: Jupiter, Mercury, Tuxedo, Moon, Mars, Venus.

Out of the five scouts, I feel Jupiter improved the most from the other day. She was very smiley and just had a nice amount of confidence around her, both on and off the stage. She’s very pretty too~

But, my fave interaction was with Tuxedo Mask~ As I said, I’m pretty much here for Sena, despite being a Mars fans. But I saw last year’s musical in Nagoya. So seeing someone on a big stage and in a bigger production compared to a small stage and small production was interesting. She made a really good Tuxedo Mask, and if they continue to make musicals (I say if, since we don’t have full information on next year’s project yet and there’s no promise it won’t be cancelled), I hope they keep her on as a cast member!

My hair is currently bright blue, and she said it was wonderful~ I’m not going to lie, getting a compliment alone was worth the ticket price haha!

I also told Sena that I like her a lot and thanked her for her work, which she responded well to. But… Tuxedo Mask stole the show, sorry Sena~ It’s always nice when the cast call out to you instead of reacting to what you said. I’ll treasure this moment forever~ <3

Today the gift I received was Venus! So I’m super happy~

And…. I have a confession….

I brought another ticket for Friday’s show…

It’s also a high touch session. It’s the blue note team, which has Kasai Tomomi as Sailor Moon. I used to be a big AKB48 fan, and while I’m not as much of a fan anymore, and wasn’t a fan of her when she was in the group, I’ve started liking her since she released her last album. I’m curious to see how her team goes! But I swear, that will be my last ticket haha!

Summary Enjoyable: 5/5 Worth the ticket price: 5/5 Re-watchable: 4/5 If this was sold on dvd, would I buy it: 4/5

[aarontap]

19 Years Later... It’s Betty Goo!

In case you were unaware, I fronted a band in the 1990s called Betty Goo. We came about as my previous band started falling apart and I realized that I’d wanted to write quick and tuneful songs, in stark contrast growing prevalence of the jammy (or worse, nu-metal) side of “alternative rock” that had begaun to take hold in the wake of Kurt Cobain’s death. So I grabbed longtime drummer compatriot Chad MacDonald and friend-since-age-three Doug Fraim and formed Betty Goo. We released a dreadful eponymous debut cassette tape but then started to get our heads on straight and found some like-minded melody-and-rock-focused bands in Boston and we hit our stride. In 1997 we released the quasi-conceptual ‘gooicide’ and had planned to break up in its wake. Unfortunately, the record garnered us a modicum of attention that had hitherto been lacking, and so I vowed to soldier on. Chad preferred the original plan and went back to school to start the journey to his now very successful career. On the verge of destruction, in stepped Doug’s friend Jeff Norcross. And Betty Goo was re-born. We had a good run for a couple more years, playing some pretty fantastic shows, and making some good friends along the way. Hell, you could say that I’d never have met my awesome partner in life, music, and otherwise, Paula Kelley, were it not for Goo having continued on. 

But all Goo things must come to an end and for us, it was pretty anticlimactic. In 1999, after a great show supporting our friends Permafrost in their final show, we spent the rest of the weekend in a recording studio in Boston, tracking a dozen songs for what would have been the follow-up to gooicide. Upon reviewing the rough mixes on Monday, I called Doug and Jeff, saying, “this isn’t very good, should we break up?” They both agreed. And that was the end.

Or so we’d thought! Fast-forward a couple decades and I start fucking around with Garageband’s iPhone app. I do a bunch of #instamusic creations, the idea being ‘conceive and record a 30-second-ish soundtrack to a random video/image in less than an hour and post it.’ Most of them are ambient and rambling. But then later in 2016 there’s a presidential election. And this chorus hits me. “Don’t cast your eyes on the emperor’s new clothes…” I followed through and made it into a kinda good, kinda shitty 2000s fakepunk song snippet and posted it. People seemed to dig it. And here’s the thing: it was catchy as hell. I kept revisiting it and thinking, maybe I could make it into something. I tried for about ten minutes to see if it could fit on The Architect’s Daughter but quickly realized, nope. And so I forgot about it.

But when TAD was finally completed and out in the world I got an idea. Maybe a crazzzzzy idea. This was never a Frank Shirts song. It sounds way more like a Betty Goo song. And, know what? There are a couple other Goo songs that I wouldn’t mind revisiting. I emailed Doug (who basically hadn’t played since our last show) and Jeff (who now primarily plays guitar, in The Weisstronauts and The I Want You) and asked if they might be interested in reconvening. To my great joy, they each replied with an enthusiastic yes! So now I had to make it happen. After all, they are both still based in Massachusetts and I’m here in L.A. A few months passed and I played around with turning the chorus into an actual song, but honestly, I was otherwise preoccupied. But then a Nathanson gig in NY presents an opportunity. I check in with the boys and book a session at Zippah in Brighton, MA and we are well and truly on our way. Oh, shit. Now I have to actually write the song. Thankfully, I am not alone. Jeff kicks in a couple ideas over the internet. And then we convene in Somerville, not two blocks from where PK and I first started living in sin, and Doug throws his ideas in. By the end of the afternoon we have a song, and some fine reimagining of two very brief old tunes from Goo days gone by.

It was both very familiar and kinda strange to get in a room with these guys after such a long break. We ran through a couple old timey songs - Buzz and Handbag - to grease the wheels but it was startlingly easy and took no time at all to just get to work as if no time had passed at all. Those guys are great.

That night, after a very long three days, I crashed very early at a quaint B&B in Brookline and before I knew it, it was Sunday morning and the session loomed. We loaded in and it was like stepping in to a time machine (see video). Zippah has undergone numerous upgrades to its gear but the building and the live room remain much the same. What an inspiring place! gooicide, PK’s Nothing/Everything, the Monsters of Id, numerous Weisstronauts recordings, a harp session for The Trouble With Success in the midst of a fierce nor’easter, and so much more. But we had work to do. In the able hands of both Brian Charles (who recorded gooicide and MOI) and Pete Weiss (of the Weisstronauts, who recorded both PK solo albums and so much more) we were under way in no time.

Here’s where, to me, it gets interesting. I knew we would have a ball but I didn’t expect to learn (or re-learn) stuff that day. We recorded three songs (most everything aside from vocals) in an easy-going 8-hour session, just like we used to do “back in the day,” though truth be told we would get double or more that done in one day by necessity.

Being “in a band” is distinct from “playing music with other people.” And I’ve been doing the latter for so long now that I had maybe forgotten what a band was like. Even Frank Shirts hasn’t been a band in the traditional sense, as I do most of the song arranging alone in my studio before bashing the songs out with Eric and Paula - and later with Rick. With Betty Goo, the difference became apparent in the studio. We wanted to record the songs live, with no click track, and so, even though we had rehearsed for a whopping three hours, we knew we were going to have to play the songs a bunch. And play we did. We would run a song a few times, work out some kinks, then go listen in the control room, pick out a few moments that need further work and go back and do it again. And everyone fell into their role with ease. It was fantastic, really. No egos, all creativity, and a healthy work ethic without being businesslike.

The next morning I awoke feeling kinda high from the experience. It had been years since I worked like that and back then I a) think I took it for granted and b) was psychologically a bit of a mess and didn’t really feel connected to much in the way of my own agency. One of the great things about taking stock of one’s privilege is that rather than it limiting you or locking you in some kind of prison of guilt, it actually frees you to look realistically at yourself and in so doing you can assess your actual strengths along with weaknesses and areas where the leg-ups you’ve been handed has been more of a hinderance than an asset. Working with Jeff & Doug on those three songs reminded me of part of music-making that I’d maybe lost touch with over the years and also reminded me of how lucky I am to be doing what I’m doing. I’ve resolved to make sure I make the most of it and also to make sure that the music is always the thing, no matter how much business needs to be taken care of.

Anyway, the whole experience was pretty great and I finished up the mixes this week. I think the results speak for themselves. Judge for yourself on July 4th* when the NEW BETTY GOO LIMITED EDITION HAND-CUT 7” SINGLE goes up for sale on Bandcamp!

* Vinyl Singles (w/ fab Deluxe Edition merch) will ship in September. Instant downloads are de rigueur.

[greekowl87]

Fic: Runaway Christmas Pt 11 (End)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part VIIII | Part X

AO3

Once upon a time, I had an idea. Then it was left alone. After a year of hiatus, I struggled to finish this. I don’t want you to think I went all Chris Carter on this but I just don’t have it in me. Please don’t hate me and  I apologize in advance. No beta. I wrote this before season 11 was even in the works but it’s a nice little Will AU. Hope you all enjoy.

11.

Will checked his bag for the nth time, making sure he had the picture album. The picture album was one of the few things he still had from Wyoming. He grabbed his jacket, phone, and skateboard before pulling on his book bag over his shoulders. He jogged down the stairs and saw his foster mother, Mrs. Gardner. She eyed him, as if she was unsure of what to do with Will. “Where are you going, William?”

“Out,” he said vaguely. He shifted uncomfortably at the door. “Is that okay?”

“Where exactly is ‘out?’”

He bit his lip. “The National Mall. I’m meeting...I’m meeting Mulder.”

There was the disappointment in her eyes. She nodded. “I just don’t want you getting your hopes up, Will.”

“Why?” he asked. “They’re good people.”

“We’re good people too.”

He bit his lip, trying to refrain from making a dumbass comment. “Look, I’ll be back around ten tonight. I have my phone.”

She nodded. “Well, call if you need anything.”

He nodded quietly. It still felt awkward. “I’ll see...I’ll see you later.”

Will disappeared out the door and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the familiar SUV down at the end of the block. He jumped on his skateboard and skated the short distance down to them. He smiled when he also saw Scully sitting in the front seat with Mulder. “I hope you weren’t too disappointed, Will for me to barge in on this day of male bonding,” she teased.

“Male bonding, Scully? Honestly?”

Will grinned and climbed into the back seat. “Nope. I’m actually really happy to see both of you. So, are we going to Bed, Bath, and Beyond or what?”

“Actually,” Mulder began, looking up in the rearview mirror, “you know we don’t just have the apartment, right? We have a house about an hour in rural Virginia. We were thinking…” he looked at Scully for support, “that we could go by there first. You could…”

“You could pick out a room,” Scully finished for Mulder. She looked over her shoulder to Will. “I mean, we might be getting ahead of ourselves but what could it hurt?”

Will shifted uncomfortably in the back seat. “You don’t think they’ll approve of it?”

Scully looked to Mulder for help, her blue eyes full of emotion. “We did not say that, Will. We...Scully and I...we’ve just experienced a lot of heartbreak and pain in our lives. This seems almost good to be true. I mean, what were the odds you rob your birth mother and she chases you down and high heels?” Scully playfully smacked Mulder’s arm. “What? I was just stating the obvious.”

Mulder carefully maneuvered the SUV out into the Washington D.C. traffic. “The point is, Will, we just don’t want all of us to get our hopes up. I know you don’t call me ‘mom’ but I’m still your birth mother and I only want what is best for you, including trying to protect you in any way I can,” she said softly. “Mulder and I both only want to protect you.”

Will smiled slightly, touched by Scully’s admission. He glanced to the rearview mirror where Mulder’s hazel eyes glanced warmly up at him and then back towards the road. He focused on Scully’s blue eyes and continued to smile. “You know when you get a feeling that something is about to happen? You like to know in the bottom of your heart, that despite everything, as much as the world says no, your heart says yes.”

“Of course,” Mulder piped up from the driver side.

“Well, I can’t explain it, but that is how I feel now. I just know everything will work out in the end,” their son determined. He shifted his gaze out the passenger window, watching Washington D.C. slip by. “I just know.”

Nervously, Scully glanced at Mulder and she sought his hand in reassurance as a glimmering fear that she had put aside for fifteen years sat restlessly in the back of her mind.

. . . .

“This is where you live?” Will asked in disbelief as he got out of the SUV.

“Well, we did not split our time between here and the city until recently,” Scully began, carefully glazing over their brief separation. “We thought it was best that to stay in the middle of nowhere when we bought the place. I originally just worked at the hospital and Mulder…”

“I wrote,” he shrugged simply. “And was a good housewife.”

Will smiled. “I like it.”

“We need to come out here next weekend, Scully,” Mulder called, flipping through the mail. “Get some things cleaned up. Change our address to the apartments?”

“In time,” she replied distractedly as Will carefully went through the house, touching something every now and then. “You okay, Will?”

“Yeah. It’s just a bit weird. I don’t know how I fit in all this. I mean, what were the odds my own birth mom would be the one to arrest me,” he laughed. “And find out my parents are so…”

“So what?” Mulder asked, looking up. “Spooky?”

“Mulder, don’t start it with him.

“What?” Will asked, intrigued.

“Well, when I was at VCU originally, they called me Spooky Mulder,” he began.

“Because your father’s a weirdo,” Scully retorted before walking into the kitchen to inspect the contents of the fridge.

“Well, it sort of carried on with me, especially when I went down to the basement,” he said. “It was just me and my x-files, that is until I got word they were going to straddle me with a partner.”

Scully came back into the living room, shaking her head. “He thought I was a spy.”

“Well, that is why they assigned you to begin with, Scully.”

“You were a jerk. Are you hungry, Will?”

“I’m good, Dana. So what happened, Mulder?”

“She fell for my boyish charms enough in the first 48 hours to run to me in nothing but her underwear to check for mosquito bites. I knew it then I had a winner.”

“Mulder!” A balled up piece of paper came flying at him, which he ducked. “You don’t have to say every little detail!”

Will grinned. “So what is with the Spooky part?”

“I became Mrs. Spooky and we lived in the basement,” she shrugged. “It just sort of stuck.”

“So I’m Spooky Jr. then?” Will asked, arching an eyebrow similar to Scully’s.

Mulder looked at him for a moment. “If you want to be, sure.”

It was weird as their long lost song continued his inspection of the house as if nothing had happened. Scully quietly went to Mulder’s side, rubbing his arm. “What are you thinking?”

“The Spookys finally have a kid,” he whispered proudly.

. . . .

Will sat between both of them on the couch back at the Washington D.C. apartment. They had spent the day out at the unremarkable house, caught an early dinner on the way back into the city, and Will was finally able to show them what he had been lugging around in his bag all day. He pulled the large photo album from his backpack and opened the cover. “I thought, since we’ve just met--again, you would like to see pictures.”

“What sorts of pictures?” Scully asked but her voice fell silent of she saw a brown hair woman grinning and holding the William she remembered in that little UFO onesie. “Oh my God. Is that your adopted mom?”

“Yeah,” Will answered sadly with a smile. “That was the day I arrived.”

Scully had her own memories. The endless days of crying, sleeping on the floor in his room in her Georgetown apartment, holding Will’s baby blanket and one of Mulder’s shirts. Unable to help herself, she ran her fingers through his unruly hair. Will turned with surprise and she immediately withdrew. “I’m sorry.”

He smiled at her and, just as hesitantly, reached to take his birth mother’s hand. Mulder smiled and met Scully’s eyes. There was so much emotion at play. “I hope the judge rules in your favor,” Will began, removing his hand. “For what it’s worth. I want to live with you. Nothing against my foster parents.”

Mulder smiled and clasped his son’s knee in affirmation. “Us too. But even if the judge doesn’t rule in our favor, that doesn’t mean we’ll be completely out of your life, Will.”

“We’ll always be your parents too,” Scully said, “no matter what, and we will always have that.”

“True,” Will nodded, closing the photo album. “Do you mind if I leave this here? I thought you might like to look through it a bit more. Besides, it’s late and my foster parents are probably ready to call the cops on you.”

“Well it’s a good thing we’re FBI,” Mulder chuckled getting up. “I’ll drive you back.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can take the Metro.”

“It’s not a big deal, Will. I want to.”

Scully smiled despite herself. “I’ll talk to you later, Will?”

“I’ll text you tomorrow,” Will remarked, kissing her cheek. “Ready, Mulder?”

“Yeah. Do you want any leftovers or anything?”

“I’m good.”

“Okay. Scully, I’ll call when I’m on my way back. Let’s go, Will.”

“Coming. See you later, Dana!”

Scully smiled, raising her hand slightly in goodbye as Mulder walked out the door. As the door closed, she cast her eyes down at the photo album and smiled. She settled back on the couch again to watch her son grow up one more time.

. . . .

Mulder pulled up to the townhouse in northwest D.C. and saw a small woman staring at the window like a peeping tom. Will groaned and rolled his eyes at the sight. “She’s worse than my case worker. She honestly thinks that you all are crazy or let aliens abduct me,” he moaned.

He bit his lip and shook his head. “Well, we won’t let that happen. Text me and Scully together?”

“Of course,” Will said slipping out of the car. “Talk to you tomorrow?”

“I’d like that,” Mulder smiled. “Call me if you need anything.”

“You got it.”

Will closed the door and noticed how Mulder kept the SUV in place until he was safely inside the townhouse and he smiled. It was endearing to him to know that his birth father was already (or maybe had been all along) protective of him. He inwardly sighed when his foster mother stalked towards him.

“Where have you been?” she squawked.

“With my birth parents,” Will said curtly as he climbed the stairs. “I told you where I was. Why are you making such a big deal?”

“I almost called your caseworker!”

“Why? They are following the judges’ orders!”

“I don’t trust them! I am trying to do what’s right for you, William!”

“Will!” he snapped. “And it’s my life. I have a right to know my real parents.” Will steadied himself. “I know you are trying to do the right thing, but I know what’s right.”

He stormed up the stairs without another word.

. . . .

Three months passed with prolonged court dates and endless lawyer visits for Will, his case worker, the Gardners, and Mulder and Scully. CPS and the courts investigated the FBI agents thoroughly before coming to their conclusion. On April 1st, April Fool’s Day, Scully thought God must have been playing a joke on her when she received the call shortly before she and Mulder pulled into their parking space at the Hoover building. She burst out crying as Mulder hugged her tightly. Will was their’s, their baby son was coming home.

. . . .

“Home sweet home,” Mulder whispered into Scully’s ear as they sat on the porch swing. He slipped his arm around her cozily as they watched Will pick up a wooden bat and attempt to hit a tennis ball for an overeager Daggoo. “Ease up on the grip, Will!”

Will huffed in annoyance and in looked down at the mutt. “Hands before hips, right?” he asked the dog.

Daggoo barked eagerly in response.

“Hips before hands, honey,” Scully called. “Just like your father taught me.”

Will dropped the bat in annoyance. “You all were on a date. That isn’t sound advice.”

“I was teaching Scully how to play baseball,” Mulder corrected.

Their son shrugged. “I don’t know why. She’s a better hitter than you.”

Scully laughed, burying her head into Mulder’s chest as he did his best to hide his smile. “Don’t make me regret not staying in D.C. for summer school, Will.”

“And miss all this?” Their son motioned to the property, the house, and lingered on his birth parents. “Good luck, Dad.”

Mulder felt his chest puff slightly with pride. He never got tired of Will calling him ‘dad’ or Scully ‘mom.’ He had always dreamed of this. The perfect ending. Scully smiled and stroked his chest. “He’s too much like you,” she mumbled.

Will had picked up the bat and tossed up the tennis ball. The bat cracked against the rubber and sent the ball flying and Daggoo after it. They watched Will paused and smile, marveling at his hit. “He’s too much like you,” he whispered to Scully.

“Really? You know, he’s sixteen. He’s already asking about the car.”

“He needs his learner's permit first.”

“You can take him.”

“You’re teaching him to drive since I have short legs.”

Mulder snorted in amusement as Will dropped the bat in annoyance. “Daggoo!” he called. “Damn dog, get back here with that ball!” He jogged out into the field when he heard the yippy barking in the distance. “Daggoo!”

Scully watched their son chase the Jack Russell. “Should we help him?”

“In a bit,” Mulder replied, rubbing her back, “I’m just taking a moment to immortalize this.”

“Why?” She kissed his cheek. “What’s so special?”

“We finally got our happy ending,” he told her, stealing one more kiss.

End.

[zollyandzevie]

Favorite Songs of 2017

These were my favorite songs of 2017, whether they were released in 2017 or not. These were just all of the songs I listened to on repeat at some point in the year.

1. When It’s Over - Sugar Ray

2. Beach Bones (feat. Ryan Ross) - More Amore

If it isn’t obvious, I’m a bit of a panic fan and I was super happy to rediscover this song.

3. Paralyzer - Finger Eleven

4. C’Mon - Panic! At The Disco

I apologize in advance for all of the panic songs to come

5. If You Like It Or Not - The Brobecks

6. Lights Down Low - MAX ft. gnash

7. Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind

8. 1985 - Bowling For Soup

9. Closing Time - Semisonic

10. I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) - Fall Out Boy

11. Love is Alive - Lea Michele

Check out her new album “Places”. It’s amazing!

12. Nearly Witches [Ever Since We Met...] - Panic! At The Disco

13. Good Morning - Grouplove

14. We Don’t Believe What’s On TV - Twenty One Pilots

15. Take A Vacation! - The Young Veins

16. The Exit [feat. Brendon Urie and Dan Young] - Forgive Durden

I LOVE this album and everyone should check it out! It’s called “Razia’s Shadow: A Musical” and the whole idea behind it is amazing.

17. Time to Dance - Live in Chicago - Panic! At The Disco

18. She’s A Handsome Woman - Panic! At The Disco

19. She Had The World - Panic! At The Disco

20. The Calendar - Panic! At The Disco

21. Ready to Go [Get Me Out Of My Mind] - Panic! At The Disco

22. How Far I’ll Go - From “Moana” - Alessia Cara

23. Heathens - Twenty One Pilots

24. I Don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

25. That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed) - Panic! At The Disco

26. Polarize - Twenty One Pilots

27. Where Did The Party Go - Fall Out Boy

28. Cold Cold Cold - Cage The Elephant

29. The Sound of Silence - Disturbed

30. Whataya Want from Me - Adam Lambert

I’m not 100% where this one came from but I enjoyed the little phase of listening to this on repeat for like two weeks.

31. Good News - Ocean Park Standoff

32. American Candy - The Maine

33. Blackout - Breathe Carolina

34. Wherever You Go - Sublime With Rome

35. Meant to Live - Switchfoot

36. Tonight You’re Perfect - New Politics

37. Come Hang Out - AJR

10/10 recommend their newest album “The Click”. I love it and know almost all of the words to every song on it. Plus, they’re the ultimate car jams. My friends and I listened to this album on so many road trips this summer.

38. Two Fux - Adam Lambert

39. House Of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

Bet you thought you’d seen the last of panic.

40. Impossible Year -  Panic! At The Disco

41. Folkin’ Around - Live in Chicago - Panic! At The Disco

42. Vegas Lights - Panic! At The Disco

43. Trade Mistakes - Panic! At The Disco

44. 20 Dollar Nose Bleed - Fall Out Boy

45. Champion - Fall Out Boy

I’M SO EXCITED FOR M A  N   I    A OKAY

46. The Good Part - AJR

47. Overture - AJR

48. Sweat - The All-American Rejects

49. One More Weekend - Audien ft. MAX

50. Big Shot - Billy Joel

So I got to see Billy Joel live at Madison Square Garden in April with my best friend/basically sister and it was amazing. We had such a good time and he is amazing live!

51. Love in the Middle of a Firefight

Jeebo. That is all.

52. All Of The Drugs - The Brobecks

53. Change - Christina Aguilera

54. Hurt - Christina Aguilera

55. Castle on the Hill - Ed Sheehan

56. It Remembers - Every Time I Die

Brendon Urie and hardcore/metalcore together? Sign me up!

57. Modern Day Cain - I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

58. Say You Won’t Let Go - James Arthur

59. All These Things That I’ve Done - The Killers

60. Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

61. Run - The Maine

62. Feelings - Maroon 5

63. 50 Feet Tall - New Politics

64. Step One - Kinky Boots 

So... I got to see Brendon Urie on broadway in Kinky Boots as Charlie Price and my life is complete. I SAW HIM IN PERSON AT THE STAGE DOOR GUYS. He’s did amazing on broadway and I can’t wait to see if he ever does another show!!

65. The History of Wrong Guys - Kinky Boots

66. Not My Father’s Son - Kinky Boots

67. Soul of a Man - Kinky Boots

68. Raise You Up/Just Be - Kinky Boots

69. Hard Times - Paramore

70. Do You Still Feel? (feat. MAX) - Rain Man

71. Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

72. The Judge - Twenty One Pilots

73. Hometown - Twenty One Pilots

74. Do Your Own Thing - Bring It On: The Musical

Taylor. Louderman. That is all.

75. Something Isn’t Right Here - Bring It On: The Musical

76. What About Us - P!nk

77. Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy

78. (Coffee’s For Closers) - Fall Out Boy

79. Grow Up - Paramore

80. U + Ur Hand - P!nk

81. Don’t You Want Me (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

Okay so fair warning: Glee is my favorite TV Show and Darren Criss is one of my favorite people to exist. There will be more of both..

82. Colors - Halsey

83. Sign of the Times - Harry Styles

84. Lonely No More - Rob Thomas

85. Bohemian Rhapsody - Panic! At The Disco

86. The Kids Aren’t Alright - Fall Out Boy

87. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

88. The Last Of The Real Ones - Fall Out Boy

89. Jealousy - Darren Criss

90. Every Single Night - Computer Games

HIGHLY RECOMMEND this EP because it’s so amazing and Darren and his brother did a great job on it! Definitely one of my all time favorite EP’s.

91. Lost Boys Life - Voice Memo - Computer Games

92. I Dreamed A Dream - Darren Criss

93. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

94. When I Get You Alone (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

95. Silly Love Songs (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

96. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

I’m still bitter this song was cut from the episode.

97. Something’s Coming (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

98. Love Shack (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

99. Cough Syrup (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

100. Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

Darren Criss singing Michael Jackson.... I’m down. Always.

101. Beauty School Dropout (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

102. Heroes (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

103. No Scrubs (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

104. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

Darren and Chord’s vocals on this track were so good.

105. Broadway Baby (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Cast

106. Mess - Jordan Fisher

I’m so happy Jordan won DWTS!! He did so amazing with Lindsay.

107. Small Cuts - The Brobecks

108. A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More “Touch Me” - Fall Out Boy

109. Happily Ever After - Jordan Fisher, Angie Keilhauer

110. Why - Mark Ballas

111. Ignorance - Paramore

112. Choke - I DON’T HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

I’m so sad that Dallon left Panic but I’m so excited for his new music! All of his music has been great and I’m super excited to see what he has in store for us!

SO THAT’S IT! If you managed to get to the end of this list, props to you. See you next year for another list. Until then, enjoy all of my reposts of panic, glee and whatever else I’m obsessed with and the occasional actual post from me.