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ariainstars · 4 years ago

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Thank You, Disney Lucasfilm… For Destroying My Dreams

Warning: longer post.

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So… I watched The Rise of Skywalker on Disney+ a few weeks ago. Again.

Sigh.

I guess it has its good sides. But professional critics tend to dislike it and even the general audience doesn’t go crazy for it. I wonder why?

The Fantasy

When his saga became a groundbreaking pop phenomenon in the 1970es, George Lucas reportedly said that he wanted to tell fairy tales again in world that no longer seemed to offer young people a chance to grow up with them. The fact that his saga was met with such unabashed, international enthusiasm proves that he was right: people long for fairy tales no matter how old they are and what culture they belong to.

“Young people today don’t have a fantasy life anymore, not the way we did… All they’ve got is Kojak and Dirty Harry. All the films they see are movies of disasters and insecurity and realistic violence.” (George Lucas)

I’ve been a Star Wars fan for more than thirty years. I love the Original Trilogy but honestly it did not make me dream much, perhaps because when I saw it the trilogy was already complete. The Prequel Trilogy also did not inspire my fantasy.

The Last Jedi accomplished something that no TV show, book or film had managed in years: it made me dream. The richness of colorful characters, multifaceted themes, unexpected developments, intriguing relationships was something I had not come across in a long time: it fascinated me. I felt like a giddy teenager reading up meta’s, writing my own and imagining all sorts of beautiful endings for the saga for almost two years.

So if there’s something The Rise of Skywalker can pride itself on for me, it’s that it crushed almost every dream I had about it. The few things I had figured out – Rey’s fall to the Dark, Ben Solo’s redemption, the connection between them - did not even make me happy because they were tainted by the flatness of the storytelling reducing the Force to a superpower again (like the general audience seems to believe it is), and its deliberate ignoring of almost all messages of The Last Jedi.

Many fans of the Original Trilogy also were disillusioned by the saga over the decades and ranted at the studios for “destroying their childhood”. Now we, the fans of the sequels and in particular of The Last Jedi, are in the same situation… but the thought doesn’t make the pill much easier to swallow. What grates on my nerves is the feeling that someone trampled on my just newly found dreams like a naughty child kicking a doll’s house apart. Why give us something to dream of in the first place, then? To a certain extent I can understand that many fans would angrily assume that Disney Lucasfilm made the Sequel Trilogy for the purpose of destroying their idea of the saga. The point is that they had their happy ending, while every dream the fans of the Sequel Trilogy may have had was shattered with this unexpectedly flat and hollow final note.

I know many fans who dislike the Prequel Trilogy heartily. I also prefer the Original Trilogy, but I find the prequels all right in their own way, also since I gave them some thought. However, it can’t be denied that they lack the magic spark which made the Original Trilogy so special. Which makes sense since they are not a fairy tale but ultimately a tragedy, but in my opinion it’s the one of the main reasons why the Prequel Trilogy never was quite so successful, or so beloved.

Same goes for Rogue One, Solo, or Clone Wars. They’re ok in their way, but not magical.

The sequel trilogy started quite satisfyingly with The Force Awakens, but for me, the actual bomb dropped with The Last Jedi. Reason? It was a magical story. It had the spark again that I had missed in the new Star Wars stories for decades! And it was packed full of beautiful messages and promises.

The Force is not a superpower belonging solely to the Jedi Anyone can be a hero. Even the greatest heroes can fail, but they will still be heroes. Hope is like the sun: if you only believe in it when you see it you’ll never make it through the night. Failure is the greatest teacher. It’s more important to save the light than to seem a hero. No one is never truly gone. War is only a machine. Dark Side and Light Side can be unbeatable if they are allies. Save what you love instead of destroying what you hate.

Naively, I assumed the trilogy would continue and end in that same magical way. And then came The Rise of Skywalker… which looks and feels like a Marvel superhero story at best and an over-long videogame at worst.

Chekov’s Gun

“Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

(Anton Chekov, 1860 - 1904)

If you show an important looking prop and don’t put it to use, it leaves the audience feeling baffled. There is a huge difference between a story’s setup, and the audience’s feeling of entitlement. E.g. many viewers expected Luke to jump right back into the fray in Episode VIII, because that’s what a hero does, isn’t it? The cavalry comes and saves the day. And instead, we met a disillusioned elderly hermit who is tired of the ways of the Jedi. But there was no actual reason for disappointment: in Episode VII it was very clearly said (through Han, his best friend) that Luke had gone into exile on purpose, feeling responsible for his failure in teaching a new generation of Jedi. It would have been more than stupid to show him as an all-powerful and all-knowing man who kills the bad guys. Sorry but who expected that was a victim to his own prejudice.

A promise left unfulfilled is a different story. The Last Jedi set up a lot of promises that didn’t come true in The Rise of Skywalker: Balance as announced by the Jedi temple mosaic, a new Jedi Order hinted at by Luke on Crait, a good ending for Ben and Rey set up by the hand-touching scene which was opposite to Anakin’s and Padmés wedding scene. Many fans were annoyed about the Canto Bight sequence. I liked it because it felt like the set-up for a lot of important stuff: partnership between Finn and Rose whom we see working together excellently, freedom for the enslaved children (one of whom is Force-sensitive), DJ and Rose expressing what makes wars in general foolish and beside the point. So if we, the fans of Episode VIII, now feel angry and let down, I daresay it’s not due to entitlement. We were announced magical outcomes and not just pew-pew.

The Star Wars saga never repeated itself but always developed and enlarged its themes, so it was to be expected that delving deeper, uncomfortable truths would come out: wars don’t start out of nowhere, and they don’t flare up and continue for decades for the same reason. In order to find Balance, the Jedi’s and the Skywalker family’s myths needed to be dismantled. Which is not necessarily bad as long it is explained how things came to this, and a better alternative is offered. The prequels explained the old political order and the beginnings of the Skywalker family, and announced that the next generation would do better. The sequels hardly explained anything about the 30 years that passed since our heroes won the battle against the Empire, and while The Last Jedi hinted at the future a lot, The Rise of Skywalker seemed to make a point of ignoring all of it.

The Skywalker Family Is Obliterated. Why?

Luke was proven right that his nephew would mean the end of everything he loved. The lineage of the Chosen One is gone. His grandson had begun where Vader had ended - tormented, pale and with sad eyes - and he met the same fate. Luke, Han, Leia, all sacrificed themselves to bring Ben Solo back for nothing. Him being the reincarnation of the Chosen One and getting a new chance should have been meaningful for all of them; instead, he literally left the scepter to Rey who did nothing to deserve it: merely because she killed the Bad Guy does not mean she will do a better job than the family whose name and legacy she proudly takes over.

I do hope there was a good reason if the sequels did not tell “The New Adventures of Luke, Leia and Han” and instead showed us a broken family on the eve of its wipeout. It would have been much easier, and more fun for the audience, to bring the trio back again after a few years and pick up where they had left. Instead we had to watch their son, nephew and heir go his grandfather’s way - born with huge power, branded as Meant to Be Dangerous from the start, tried his best to be a Jedi although he wanted to be a pilot, never felt accepted, abandoned in the moment of his greatest need, went to his abuser because he was the only one to turn to, became a criminal, his own family (in Anakin’s case: Obi-Wan and Yoda) trained the person who was closest to him to kill him, sacrificed himself for this person and died. And in his case, it’s particularly frustrating because Kylo Ren wasn’t half as impressive a villain as Vader, and Ben Solo had a very limited time of heroism and personal fulfilment, contrarily to Anakin when he was young.

The impact of The Rise of Skywalker was traumatic for some viewers. I know of adolescents and adults, victims of family abandonment and abuse, who identified with Ben: they were told that you can never be more than the sum of your abuse and abandonment, and that they’re replaceable if they’re not “good”. Children identifying with Rey were told that their parents might sell them away for “protection”. Rey was not conflicted, she had a few doubts but overall, she was cool about everything she did, so she got everything on a silver platter; that’s why as a viewer, after a while you stopped caring for her. Her antagonist was doomed from birth because he dared to question the choices other people made for him. It seems that in the Star Wars universe, you can only “rise” if you’re either a criminal but cool because you’ve always got a bucket over your head (Vader / the Mandalorian) or are a saint-like figure (Luke / Rey).

One of Obi-Wan’s first actions in A New Hope is cutting off someone’s arm who was only annoying him; Han Solo, ditto. These were no acts of self-defense. The Mandalorian is an outlaw. Yet they are highly popular. Why? Because they always keep their cool, so anything they do seems justified. Young Anakin was hated, Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen attacked for his portrayal. For the same reason many fans feel that Luke is the least important of the original trio although basically the Original Trilogy is his story: it seems the general audience hates nothing more than emotionality in a guy. They want James Bond, Batman or Indiana Jones as the lead. Padmé loved Anakin because she always saw the good little boy he once was in him; his attempts at impressing her with his flirting or his masculinity failed. Kylo tried to impress Rey with his knowledge and power, but she fled from him - she wanted the gentle, emphatic young man who had listened to her when she felt alone. Good message. But both died miserably, and Ben didn’t even get anything but a kiss. Realizing that his “not being as strong as Darth Vader” might actually be a strength of its own would have meant much more.

The heroes of the Original Trilogy had their adventures together and their happy ending; the heroes of the Prequel Trilogy also had good times and accomplishments in their youth, before everything went awry. Rey, Finn and Poe feel like their friendship hardly got started; Rose was almost obliterated from the narrative; and Ben Solo seems to have had only one happy moment in his entire life. Of course it’s terrible that he committed patricide (even if it was under coercion), but Anakin / Vader himself had two happy endings in the Prequel Trilogy before he became the monster we know so well. Not to mention Clone Wars, where he has heroic moments unnumbered.

The Skywalker family is obliterated without Balance in the Force, and the young woman who inherited all doesn’t seem to have learned any lesson from all this. The Original Trilogy became a part of pop culture among other things because its ending was satisfying. We can hardly be expected to be satisfied with an ending where our heroes are all dead and the heir of their worst enemy takes over. What good was the happy ending of the Original Trilogy for if they didn’t learn enough from their misadventures to learn how to protect one single person - their son and nephew, their future?

For a long time, I also thought that the saga was about Good vs. Evil. Watching the prequels again, I came to the conclusion that it is rather about Love vs. War. And now, considering as a whole, I believe it to be essentially Jedi against Skywalker. The ending, as it is now, says that both fractions lost: they annihilated one another, leaving a third party in charge, who believes to be both but actually knows very little about them.

Star Wars and Morality

After 9 films and 42 years, it still is not possible to make the general audience accept that it is wrong to divide people between Good and Evil in the first place. The massive rejection of both prequels and sequels, which have moral grey zones galore, shows it.

It is also not possible without being accused of actual blasphemy in the same fandom, to say the plain truth that no Skywalker ever was a Jedi at heart. As their name says, they’re pilots. Luke was the last and strongest of all Jedi because he always was first and foremost himself. Anakin was crushed by the Jedi’s attempts to stifle his feelings. His grandson, too. A Force-sensitive person ought to have the choice whether they want to be a Jedi or not; they ought not to be taught to suppress their emotions and live only on duty, without really caring for other people; and they ought to grow up feeling in a safe and loving environment, not torn away from their families in infancy, indoctrinated and provided with a light sabre (a deadly weapon) while they’re still small. A Jedi order composed of child soldiers or know-it-all’s does not really help anybody.

The original Star Wars saga was about love and friendship; although many viewers did not want to understand that message. The prequels portrayed the Jedi as detached and arrogant and Anakin Skywalker sympathetically, a huge disappointment for who only accepts stories of the “lonesome cowboy” kind. The Last Jedi was so hated that The Rise of Skywalker backpedaled: sorry, of course you’re right, here you have your “hero who knows everything better and fixes everything for you on a silver platter”. The embarrassing antihero, who saves the girl who was the only person showing him some human compassion, can die miserably in the process and is not even mourned.

Honestly: I was doubtful whether it would be adequate to give Ben Solo a happy ending after the patricide. I guess letting him die was the easiest way out for the authors to escape censorship. (I even wrote this in a review on amazon about The Last Jedi, before I delved deeper into the saga’s themes.) The messages we got now are even worse.

Kylo Ren / Ben Solo

A parent can replace a child if they’re not the way they expect them to be. A victim of lifelong psychical and physical abuse can only find escape in death, whether he damns or redeems himself. An introspective, sensitive young man is a loser no matter how hard he tries either way. A whole family can sacrifice itself to save their heir, he dies anyway.

Rey

Self-righteousness is acceptable as long as you find a scapegoat for your own failings. Overconfidence justifies anything you do. You can’t carve your way as a female child of “nobodies”, you have to descend from someone male and powerful even if that someone is the devil incarnate. You are a “strong female” if you choose to be lonely; you need neither a partner nor friends.

In General

Star Wars is not about individual choices, loyalty, friendship and love, it is a classic Western story with a lonesome cowboy (in this case: cowgirl) at its centre. Satisfied?

The father-son-relationship between Vader and Luke mirrors the Biblical story of Cain and Abel, saying that whoever we may want to kill is, in truth, our kin, which makes a clear separation in Good and Evil impossible. The “I am your father” scene is so infamous by now that even non-fans are aware of it; but this relationship between evil guy and good guy, as well as the plot turns where the villain saves the hero and that the hero discards his weapon are looked upon rather as weird narrative quirks instead of a moral.

In an action movie fan, things are simple: good guy vs. bad guy, the good guy (e.g. James Bond may be a murderer and a misogynist, but that’s ok because he’s cool about it) kills the bad guy, ka-boom, end of story. But Star Wars is a parable, an ambitious project told over decades of cinema, and a multilayered story with recurring themes.

A fairy tale ought to have a moral. The moral of both Original Trilogy and Prequel Trilogy was compassionate love - choose it and you can end a raging conflict, reject it and you will cause it. What was the moral of the Sequel Trilogy? You can be the offspring of the galaxy’s worst terror and display a similar attitude, but pose as a Jedi and kill unnecessarily, and it’s all right; descend from Darth Vader (who himself was a victim long before he became a culprit) and whether you try to become a Jedi trained by Luke Skywalker or a Sith trained by his worst enemy, you will end badly?

Both original and prequel trilogy often showed “good” people making bad choices and the “bad ones” making the right choices. To ensure lasting peace, no Force user ought to be believe that he must choose one side and then stick to it for the rest of his life: both sides need one another. The prequels took 3 films to convey this message, though not saying so openly. The Last Jedi said it out clearly - and the authors almost had their heads ripped off by affronted fans, resulting in The Rise of Skywalker’s fan service. It’s not like Luke, Han and Leia were less heroic in the Sequel Trilogy, on the contrary, they gave everything they had to their respective cause. They were not united, and they were more human than they had once been. Apparently, that’s an affront.

The Jedi are no perfect heroes and know-it-all’s and they never were, the facts are there for everyone to see. Padmé went alone and pregnant to get her husband out of Mustafar - and she almost succeeded - although she knew what he had done and that he was perfectly capable of it (he had told her of the Tusken village massacre himself) because she still saw the good little boy he had been in him; Obi-Wan left him amputated and burning in the lava, although he had raised Anakin like a small brother and the latter had repeatedly saved his life. But Padmé was not a Jedi, so I guess she still had some human decency. Neither Obi-Wan nor Yoda lifted a finger for the oppressed populations of the galaxy during the Empire, waiting instead for Anakin’s son to grow up so they could trick him into committing patricide. Neither Luke nor Leia did anything for their own son and nephew while he became the scourge of the galaxy, damning his soul by committing crime after crime. On Exegol, Rey heard the voices of all Jedi encouraging her to fight Palpatine to death. After that, they left her to die alone, and the alleged “bad guy”, who had already saved her soul from giving in to Palpatine’s lures, had to save her life by giving her his own. The Jedi merely know that “their side” has to win, no matter the cost for anyone’s life, sanity, integrity or happiness.

Excuse me, these are simple facts. How anyone can still believe that the Jedi were super-powerful heroes who always win or all-knowing wizards who are always right is beyond me. Luke, the last and strongest of them, like a bright flickering of light before the ultimate end, showed us that the best of men can fail. There is nothing wrong with that in itself. But it is wrong and utterly frustrating when all of the failure never leads to anything better. If Rey means to rebuild the Jedi order to something better than it was, there was no hint at that whatsoever.

And What Now?

The Last Jedi hit theatres only 2 years before The Rise of Skywalker, and I can’t imagine that the responsible authors all have forgotten how to make competent work in the meantime; more so considering that Solo or The Mandalorian are solid work. Episode IX is thematically so painfully flat it seems like they wanted us to give up on the saga on purpose. The last instalment of a 42-year-old saga ought to have been the best and most meaningful. I had heard already decades ago that the saga was supposed to have 9 chapters, so I was not among who protested against the sequels thinking that they had been thought up to make what had come before invalid. I naively assumed a larger purpose. But Episode IX only seems to prove these critics perfectly right.

The last of the flesh and blood of the Chosen One is dead without having “finished what his grandfather started”?

Still no Balance in the Force?

And worst of all, Palpatine’s granddaughter taking over, having proven repeatedly that she is not suited for the task?

Sorry, this “ending” is absurd. I have read fanfiction that was better written and more interesting. And, most of all, less depressing. I was counting on a conclusion that showed that the Force has all colours and nuances, and that it’s not limited to the black-and-white view “we against them”. That’s the ending all of us fans would have deserved, instead of catering the daddy issues of the part of the audience who doesn’t want stories other than those of the “lonesome cowboy” kind. I myself grew up on Japanese anime, maybe that’s one of the reasons why I can’t stand guys like James Bond or Batman and why I think you don’t need “a great hero who fixes the situation” but that group spirit and communication are way more important.

It was absolutely unexpected that Disney, the production company whose trademark are happy endings and family stories, would end this beloved and successful saga after almost half a century on such a hollow note. Why tell first a beautiful fairy tale and then leave the audience on a hook for 35 years to continue first with a tragedy (which at least was expected) and then with another (unexpected one)? And this story is supposed to be for children? Like children would understand all of the subtext, and love sad, cautionary tales. Children, as well as the general audience, first of all want to be entertained! No one wants to watch the legendary Skywalker family be obliterated and a Palpatine take over. The sequels were no fun anymore; we’ve been left with another open ending and hardly an explanation about what happened in the 30 years in between. If you want to tell a cautionary tale, you should better warn the general audience beforehand.

The Original Trilogy is so good because it’s entertaining and offers room for thought for who wants to think about its deeper themes, and also leaves enough space for dreams. Same goes for the first two films of the Sequel Trilogy; but precisely the last, which should have wrapped up the saga, leaves us with a bitter aftertaste and dozens of questions marks.

We as the audience believe that a story, despite the tragic things that happen, must go somewhere; we get invested into the characters, we root for them, we want to see them happy in the end. (The authors of series like Girls, How I Met Your Mother or Game of Thrones ought to be reminded of that, too.) I was in contact with children and teenagers saying that the Sequel Trilogy are “boring”; and many, children or adults, who were devastated by its concluson. There is a difference between wanting to tell a cautionary tale and playing the audience for fools. This trilogy could have become legendary like the Original Trilogy, had it fulfilled its promises instead of “keeping it low” with its last chapter. Who watches a family or fantasy story or a romantic / comedic sitcom wants to escape into another world, not to be hit over his head with a mirror to his own failings, and the ones of the society he’s living in. Messages are all right, but they ought not to go at the cost of the audience’s satisfaction about the about the people and narrative threads they have invested in for years.

This isn’t a family story: but children probably didn’t pester the studios with angry e-mails and twitter messages etc. They simply counted on a redemption arc and happy ending, and they were right, because they’re not as stupid as adults are. I have read and watched many a comment from fans who hate The Last Jedi. Many of these fans couldn’t even pinpoint what their rage was all about, they only proved to be stuck with the original trilogy and unwilling to widen their horizon. But at least their heroes had had their happy ending: The Rise of Skywalker obliterated the successes of all three generations of Skywalkers.

If the film studios wanted to tease us, they’ve excelled. If they expect the general audience to break their heads over the sequels’ metaphysics, they have not learned from the reactions to the prequels that most viewers take these films at face value. Not everybody is elbows-deep in the saga, or willing to research about it for months, and / or insightful enough to see the story’s connections. Which is why many viewers frown at the narrative and believe the Sequel Trilogy was just badly written. This trilogy could have become legendary like the Original Trilogy, had it fulfilled its promises instead of “keeping it low” with its last chapter. As it is now, the whole trilogy is hanging somewhere in the air, with neither a past nor a future to be tied in with.

The prequels already had the flaw of remaining too obscure: most fans are not aware that Anakin had unwillingly killed his wife during the terrible operation that turned him into Darth Vader, sucking her life out of her through the Force: most go by “she died of a broken heart”. So although one scene mirrors the other, it is not likely that most viewers will understand what Rey’s resurrection meant. And: Why did Darth Maul kill Qui-Gon Jinn? What did the Sith want revenge for? Who was behind Shmi’s abduction and torture? Who had placed the order for the production of the clones, and to what purpose? We can imagine or try to reconstruct the answers, but nothing is confirmed by the story itself.

The sequels remained even more in the dark, obfuscating what little explanation we got in The Rise of Skywalker with quick pacing and mind-numbing effects.

Kylo Ren had promised his grandfather that “he would finish what he started”: he did not. Whatever one can say of this last film, it did not bring Balance in the Force. What’s worse, the subject was not even breached. It was hinted at by the mosaic on the floor of the Prime Jedi Temple on Ahch-To, but although Luke and Rey were sitting on its border, they never seemed to see what was right under their noses. It remains inexplicable why it was there for everyone to see in the first place.

We might argue that Ben finished what his grandfather started by killing (or better, causing the death of) the last Jedi, who this one couldn’t kill because he was his own son; but leaving Rey in charge, he helped her finish what her grandfather had started. The irony could hardly be worse.

Episode IX looks like J.J. Abrams simply completed what they started with Episode VII, largely ignoring the next film as if it was always planned to do so. We, the angry and disappointed fans of The Last Jedi, may believe it was due to some of the general audience’s angry backlash, but honestly: the studios aren’t that dumb. They had to know that Episode VIII would be controversial and that many fans would hate it. The furious reactions were largely a disgrace, but no one can make me believe that they were totally unexpected. Nor can anyone convince me that The Rise of Skywalker was merely an answer to the small but very loud part of the audience who hated The Last Jedi: a company with the power and the returns of Disney Lucasfilm does not need to buckle down before some fan’s entitlement and narrowmindedness out of fear of losing money. And if they do, it was foolish to make Rey so perfect that she becomes almost odious, and to let the last of the Skywalker blood die a meaningless death. (Had he saved the Canto Bight children and left them with Rey, at least he would have died with honor; and she, the child left behind by her parents, would have had a task to dedicate herself to.)

The only reason I can find for this odd ending is that it’s meant to prepare the way for Rian Johnson’s new trilogy, which - hopefully - will finally be about Balance. We as the audience don’t know what’s going on behind the doors. Filmmaking is a business like any other, i.e. based on contracts; and I first heard that Rian Johnson had negotiated a trilogy of his own since before Episode VIII hit theatres. Maybe he kept all the rights of intellectual property to his own film, including that he would finish the threads he picked up and close the narrative circles he opened, and only he; and that his alleged working on “something completely different” is deliberately misleading.

Some viewers love the original trilogy, some love the prequels, some like both; but I hardly expect anyone to love the sequel trilogy as a whole. What with the first instalment “letting the past die, killing it if they had to”, the second hinting at a promising future and the third patched on at the very last like some sort of band-aid, it was not coherent. I heard the responsible team for Game of Thrones even dropped their work, producing a dissatisfying, quickly sewn together last season, for this new Star Wars project and thereby disappointing millions of GoT fans; I hope they are aware of the expectations they have loaded upon them. George Lucas’ original trilogy had its faults, but but though there was no social media yet in his time, at least he was still close enough to the audience to give them what they needed, if not necessarily wanted. (Some fans can’t accept that Luke and Leia are siblings to this day, even if honestly, it was the very best plot twist to finish their story in a satisfying way.)

I’m hoping for now that The Last Jedi was not some love bombing directed at the more sentimental viewers but a promise that will be fulfilled. “Wrapping up” a saga by keeping the flattest, least convincing chapter for last is bad form. Star Wars did not become a pop phenomenon by accident, but because the original story was convincing and satisfying. Endings like these will hardly make anyone remember a story fondly, on the contrary, the audience will move to another fandom to forget their disappointment.

On a side note, I like The Mandalorian, exactly for the reason that that is a magical story; not as much as the original trilogy, but at least a little. Of course, I’m glad it was produced. But it’s a small consolation prize after the mess that supposedly wrapped up the original saga after 9 films.

We’re Not Blind, You Know…

- Though Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) has Darth Vader’s stature, his facial features are practically opposite to Vader’s creepy mask. This should have foreshadowed that his life should have gone the other way, instead of more or less repeating itself. - As a villain Kylo was often unconvincing; by all logic he should have been a good father figure. (Besides, Star Wars films or series never work unless there is a strong father or father figure at their center.)

- Like Vader, Kylo Ren was redeemed, but not rehabilitated. Who knows who may find his broken mask somewhere now and, not knowing the truth, promise “I will finish what you started”. - The hand-touching scene on Ahch-To which was visually opposite to Anakin’s and Padmé’s should not have predicted another tragedy but a happy ending for them. - The Canto Bight sequence was announcing reckoning for the weapon industry and freedom for the enslaved children. It also showed how well Finn and Rose fit together. - Rey was a good girl before she started on her adventures. Like Anakin or Luke, she did not need to become a Jedi to be strong or generous or heroic. - Rey summons Palpatine after one year of training. Kylo practically begged for his grandfather’s assistance for years, to no avail. Her potential for darkness is obviously much stronger. - Dark Rey’s light sabre looked like a fork, Kylo’s like a cross. - The last time all Jedi and Sith were obliterated leaving only Luke in charge, things went awry. Now we have a Palpatine masquerading as a Skywalker and believing she’s a Jedi. Rey is a usurper and universally cheered after years of war, like her grandfather. - The broom boy of Canto Bight looked like he was sweeping a stage and announcing “Free the stage, it’s time for us, the children.”

Rey failed in all instances where Luke had proved himself (so much for feminism and her being a Mary Sue): - Luke had forgiven his father despite all the pain he had inflicted on him. She stabbed the „bad guy”, who had repeatedly protected and comforted her, to death. - Luke never asked Vader to help the Rebellion or to turn to the Light Side, he only wanted him back as his father. She assumed that you could make Ben Solo turn, give up the First Order and join the Resistance for her. She thought of her friends and of her own validation, not of him. - Luke had made peace by choosing peace. Rey fought until the bitter end. - Luke had thrown his weapon away before Palpatine. Rey picked up a second weapon. (And both of them weren’t even her own.) - Luke had mourned his dead father. Rey didn’t shed a tear for the man she is bonded to by the Force. - Luke went back to his friends to celebrate the new peace with them. Rey went back letting everyone celebrate her like the one who saved the galaxy on her own, she who were tempted to become the new evil ruler of the galaxy and had to rely on the alleged Bad Guy to save both her soul and her body. - Luke had embodied compassion when Palpatine was all about hatred. Where he chose love and faith in his father, she chose violence and fear. - Luke had briefly fallen prey to the Dark Side but it made him realize that he had no right to judge his father. Rey’s fall to the Dark Side did not make her wiser. - Rey has no change of mind on finding out that she’s Palpatine’s flesh and blood, nor after she has stabbed Kylo. Luke had to face himself on learning that he had almost become a patricide. Rey does not have to face herself: the revelation of her ancestry is cushioned by Luke’s and Leia’s support. Rey is and remains an uncompromising person who hardly learns from her faults.

This is cheating on the audience. And it's not due to feminism or Rey being some sort of “Mary Sue” the way many affronted fans claim. Kylo never was truly a villain, Rey is not a heroine, and this is not a happy ending. The Jedi, with their stuck-up conviction “only we must win”, have failed all over again. The Skywalker family was obliterated leaving their worst enemy in charge. Rey is supposed to be a “modern” heroine which young girls can take as an example? No, thank you. Not after this last film has made of her. Padmé was a much better role model, combining intelligence with strength and goodness and also female grace. The world does not need entitled female brats.

Bonus: What Made The Rise of Skywalker a Farce

- The Force Awakens was an ok film and The Last Jedi (almost) a masterpiece. The Rise of Skywalker was a cartoon. No wonder a lot of the acting felt and looked wooden. - “I will earn your brother’s light sabre.” She’s holding his father’s sabre. - Kylo in The Last Jedi: “Let the past die. Kill it if, you have to.” Beginning with me? - Rey ends up on Tatooine. - The planet both Anakin and Luke ardently wanted to leave. - Luke had promised his nephew that he would be around for him. - Nope. - Rey had told Ben that she had seen his future. What future was that - “you will be a hero for ten minutes, get a kiss and then die? (And they didn’t even get a love theme.) - “The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.” On a desert planet with a few ghosts. What of the ocean she used to dream about? - Ben and Rey were both introduced as two intensely lonely people searching for belonging. We learn they are a Force dyad, and then they are torn apart again. - Why was Ben named for Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first place, if they have absolutely nothing in common? - The Throne Room battle scene in The Last Jedi was clearly showing that when they are in balance, Light Side and Dark Side are unbeatable. Why did the so-called “Light Side” have to win again, in The Rise of Skywalker, instead of finding balance? - Luke’s scene on Ahch-To was so ridiculously opposite to his attitude in The Last Jedi that by now I believe he was a fantasy conjectured by her. (Like Ben’s vision of his father.) - Anakin’s voice among the other Jedi’s. - He was a renegade, for Force’s sake. - The kiss between two females. - More fan service, to appease those who pretended that not making Poe and Finn a couple was a sign of homophobia. - We see the Knights of Ren, but we learn absolutely nothing about them or Kylo’s connection with them. - Rose Tico’s invalidation. - A shame after what the actress had gone through because for the fans she was “not Star-Wars-y” (chubby and lively instead of wiry and spitfire). - Finn’s and Rose’s relationship. - Ignored without any explanation. - Finn may or may not be Force-sensitive. - If he is: did he abandon the First Order not due to his own free will but because of some higher willpower? Great. - General Hux was simply obliterated. - In The Force Awakens he was an excellent foil to Kylo Ren; no background story, no humanization for him. - Chewie’s and 3PO’s faked deaths. - Useless additional drama. - The Force Awakens was a bow before the classic trilogy. The Rise of Skywalker kicked its remainders to pieces. - The Prequel Trilogy ended with hope, the Original Trilogy with love. The Sequel Trilogy ends on a blank slate. - “We are what they grow beyond.” The characters of the Sequel Trilogy did not grow beyond the heroes of the Original Trilogy. - The Jedi did not learn from their mistakes and were obliterated. The Skywalker family understood the mistakes they had made too late. Now they’re gone, too.

P.S. While I was watching The Rise of Skywalker my husband came in asked me since when I like Marvel movies. I said “That’s not a Marvel movie, it’s Star Wars.” I guess that says enough.

P.P.S. For the next trilogy, please at least let the movies hit theatres in May again instead of December. a) It’s tradition for Star Wars films, b) Whatever happens, at least you won’t ruin anyone’s Christmases. Thank you.

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anonhpwriter · 3 years ago

Text

It's not edited. I didn't even read it over, so it might be a huge hot mess. But here is a scene that was written for part 2 of Second Chances with the help of @ethulinda while Harry was doing school from home, that never made it in the story...

Remus pressed his fingers to his forehead as he left the room from speaking to Sirius. The man had been concerned about his godson, for good reason. The teen was refusing to do his school work while he was with his godfather, for several days at that. Sirius had expressed that he had waited to inform him of the issues, believing Harry was simply not feeling all too well. An excuse that Harry had clearly been giving the man. Tossing a hand full of floo powder into the hearth, Remus stepped into the green flames while announcing his destination. He always hated telling Severus when the child had done something wrong. Even worse when it involved him lying. Remus stepped out into his friend’s office at Hogwarts. He folded his arms over his chest as he released a heavy breath. “Severus.” He couldn’t help the disappoint lacing his voice, as he moved further into the room.

Snape looked up from the pile of papers he was working on grading. Concern took over his face as he saw the disappointment on his friends features. “What is it?” Snape had a horrible feeling that the look on Remus’ face, the tone of his voice - had something to do with Harry. The child had been spending three days a week with his godfather for nearly a month now. Snape had been surprised by how smoothly it was going. He found himself hoping that Remus wasn’t about to destroy that feeling of content.

Remus moved over, taking a seat in front of the man’s desk. He leaned back, crossing his left leg over his right. “Has Harry mentioned how his classes are going? Besides the work for our classes. Have you heard anything?” He frowned as he clasped his hands together.

Snape raised an eyebrow at the work. “I personally delivered his completed work last week. I asked him last night and he said that this week has been quite easy. He assured me that he is nearly done with his assignments.” Snape eyed his friend carefully, taking in the frown on his lips. “Why do you ask?”

Remus released a heavy breath at the words, words that he wasn't exactly surprised at hearing. Still, the disappointment only rose. "I just had quite the discussion with Sirius. Apparently the child has been claiming he's ill and refusing to do any work with him." His frown only deepened as he spoke.

Disappointment flashed across Snape’s face. “Claiming he is ill? He has been fine. He was out on his broom for nearly two hours last night and after that ate two helpings of dinner and a large dessert. He is far from ill!” A frown formed on Snape’s face as the words that Remus had spoken completely sunk in. “He has been lying to both his godfather as well as me.” He paused for a moment shaking his head angrily. “That child is not going to sit properly when I am done with him...”

Remus didn’t respond to the words, in fact he actually inclined his head them. “I agree, he does need a lesson..” His voice faded before he cleared his throat. “I’m due to teach his defense lesson soon. Do you mind if I.. see what he says on the matter?” He uncrossed his legs, leaning forward slightly.

Snape couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the very idea that Remus agreed with him. Typically the man did his best to make sure he went easy on Harry. “Please do,” Snape nodded. “I am far too busy today to go home and deal with him early.” He paused for a moment. “In fact, you can tell him that I am aware and that I will be home at five sharp. You can also tell him that when I arrive I expect to find him waiting in the corner.” Snape nearly took his words back but instead his lips set in a tight line. “That child of mine needs to learn that lying is not acceptable. Nor is refusing to do his schoolwork.”

"Not only has he lied to Sirius, but as you stated to yourself and in the same regard myself as well." Remus gave a hum as he pushed himself up to stand. He knew that the teen knew FAR better than to lie, but to do so so.. easily for the last several days.. Under normal circumstances, he would of felt for the child. But right then, he was nothing but disappointed.

“Feel free to express your disappointment in any way you wish. You know I trust your judgement.” Snape sighed as he shook his head once more in complete disbelief at his child’s actions. “And please tell Black thank you for me. I appreciate that he was mature enough to tell you rather than trying to help Harry hide his actions.”

"I will." Remus bowed his head at the words, moving over to the fireplace. "I apologize that that this is an issue to begin with." ---------- Harry gathered the items he would need for when Remus arrived, placing them on the kitchen table. Normally the man arrived a few minutes early, and he was surprised he hadn't shown up yet. Shrugging, Harry passed the thought that the man must of been caught up at Hogwarts longer than planned. He moved to the back door, opening it to allow Bane out.

Remus stepped into the familiar parlor, still unable to shake the feeling of disappointment that he had in the teenager. The ease that the boy had been lying with was unnerving. Remus made his way into the kitchen forcing himself to handle the situation without losing his patience completely. “Harry,” he greeted the boy as he moved towards the kitchen table.

Harry turned to look over his shoulder at the man, smiling brightly as Remus stepped in. "Hey Remus." Calling Bane back inside, the teen shut the door and moved over towards the table. "How're you?"

Remus sat down at the table, motioning with one hand for Harry to take a seat next to him. “I’m okay. How are you? How are your classes going?” Remus worked hard to keep his face normal.

Harry moved over to sit next to the man, chewing on his bottom lip at the question. He was, honestly, behind in everything. And he only had two more days to catch up. "Eh.. they're.." He shrugged a shoulder slightly, pulling his defense book forward. "They're okay.."

Remus made a soft humming noise at the words as he looked down at the boy’s Defense book. “Page 87 please.” He leaned back in his chair eyeing the teenager carefully as he debated how to bring the boy’s misdeeds up.

Harry did so, his gaze remaining on the book. His fingers hovered on the page, swallowing after a moment. He could tell Remus.. Remus had his back for, well, EVERYTHING! He always had. "..Can we talk..?" It was only a matter of time before Snape asked for his work, it was only a matter of time before everything came out. The giant squid churned within Harry's stomach, causing the teen to wrap his arms around himself. It was Remus. He had no reason to be nervous. He could even talk to Snape for him! Remus nodded as he sat up straight once more, his elbows resting on the kitchen table. “What is it that you would like to talk about? Perhaps how sick you have been all week?” He raised a knowing eyebrow at the teenager.

Harry felt his blood run cold at the words, his fingers tingling as he clasped his hands together after a moment. "You.. you talked to Sirius." He offered after a quiet minute.

Remus nodded at the question. “I did. I spoke to Severus as well.” He paused for a long moment before he opened his mouth once more, his words coming out in a far sterner voice than he had ever used with Harry. “What were you thinking? Lying in such a way!”

Harry visibly cringed at the words, his shoulders hunching over as the man's voice rose slightly. "I just wanted to spend some normal time with Sirius!" He felt his mouth go dry as he spoke. Snape was already told, and he didn't come home yet. "I-I was still going to get the work done.."

“You lied to your godfather as well as to Severus and even to me.” Remus’ voice held sadness as well as disappointment. “I know for a fact that you know far better than that Harry. And wanting to spend time with Sirius without doing schoolwork is not an acceptable excuse. Do you honestly think that Severus will disagree and accept it?”

Harry shook his head at the words, feeling tears start to burn the bottom of his eyes. "No.." He removed his glasses, raising a hand to catch a tear before it had a chance to fall. "But I've still been working on all of it.. just not when I was with Sirius,.."

Remus raised an eyebrow at the words. He suddenly had a fleeting feeling of regret over how harshly he had just spoken to the child. “Have you? It is nearly done then?” Surely if Harry’s work was complete he would speak to Snape once more - calm the man down a bit.

The teen mentally cursed his words, his eyes lowering down to his book. "I mean.. not, it's- it's not." Harry swallowed once more. He had hardly started to TOUCH the work.

“It’s halfway done then?” Remus asked in a hopeful voice. Halfway was hardly acceptable when the work was due so soon, still Remus could work with that. He could help Harry complete some of it now and get him a bit more caught up and then talk to Snape when he returned to Hogwarts.

Closing his eyes, the teen shook his head with a soft "No.." He pushed his book away at the word, resting his elbows on the table. "I'm sorry.." He offered softly."I-I can start on it all now! And then it'll be okay.."

Remus leaned back in his chair once more, his arms folding over his chest. “Have you done any of it aside from Defense and Potions?” He was nearly certain that he had never felt such an overwhelming urge to land a good smack to the boy’s bum before.

"I.." Harry rested his head on his hand, looking away from the man and starting down. "No.." He whispered, his other hand tightening into a fist. His whole body felt numb with his nerves.

Remus let out a long breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. “It’s due in two days time. Did you expect to somehow get it all done before then? Did you expect that Sirius would not mention to myself or even Severus that you have been telling him you were ill?” Remus’ voice was stern once more. “He was quite worried about you when he spoke to me about it.”

Harry kept his eyes on the table, still refusing to look towards the man. He hated this. He had hoped, in some way, Remus would work with him. Understand that he wanted to spend time with Sirius. In the same breath, he also wished Sirius hadn't said anything.

“Nothing at all to say for yourself?” Remus leaned forward once more. He lowered his own head in an attempt to look at Harry’s face. “Severus is not pleased in the least Harry James.” Remus nearly wanted to yell at the child to look at him and respond but he was sure doing so would not help the situation .

Noticing Remus move, Harry shifted his eyes up while he continued to talk. "I'll get it done.." He whispered softly. "Can't.. can't you tell him it'll be done and....and calm him down? Please? I just wanted to spend time with Sirius."

Remus felt the disappointment race through his body once more. “Not this time.” He shook his head firmly. “I’m afraid that I am finding myself agreeing with Severus in this matter. You lied a bit too much this week for my liking.”

Harry felt his chin quiver at the words, taking in a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. He fell silent, lowering his gaze back down.

“Your guardian also asked me to inform you that he will be home at five this evening and he expects to find you in the corner when he arrives.” Despite his utter disappointment in the teenager, Remus couldn’t help but feel horrible about the words he had just spoken. Not that he didn’t think that the teenager deserved punishment but he was sure Harry would be well past embarrassed by them.

Harry's cheeks darkened at the words, shaking his head at the words. Snape told Remus that?! He lowered his hand away from his face. "I don't want to talk about any of it anymore.." The teen had been stressed enough knowing he needed to get the work down. And now everything had started to crash around him.

“I will grant you that wish as we have to get your Defense work completed. However, I would not expect Severus to allow you the same privilege.” Remus gave the child a stern look. “Read pages 87 and 88 and then we will discuss what they entail.”

Harry silently pulled his book back towards himself, looking down at the pages. He re-read the first paragraph several times before he finally gave up. A tear escaped and ran down his cheek, the teen quickly catching it as he attempted to refocus and move on down the page. It was clearly impossible for the teen to concentrate even reading.

Remus watched the boy carefully, sighing softly as he saw the tear escape the boy’s eye. “I am assuming that you are beginning to greatly regret your actions and behavior this week.”

Harry slowly nodded, pushing the book away once more. Removing his glasses, he placed them down upon the table before he rested his head within his hands.

“You told me only a moment ago that you do not wish to talk about it. If that is the case then you need to complete your Defense lesson for today.” Remus forced the words out. A part of him would have liked to pull the boy out of his chair and into a tight hug and yet another part of him would have liked to pull him out of his chair and over his knee. The tears were slowly breaking him but he still couldn’t completely shake the feeling of utter disappointment and anger at Harry’s behavior.

"Snape's going to go mental though.." Harry whispered, his hands blocking his eyes as he stared down. If Remus was upset, he couldn't imagine how his guardian would be when he got home.

In the past this was the moment where Remus would typically assure the teenager that he would speak to his guardian and calm him down the best he could. Today however, Remus knew for a fact he was not going to do anything of the sort. If Harry could lie so easily maybe Snape going mental was exactly what he needed. “I believe you are correct,” Remus nodded as he looked over to the child. “With good reason at that.”

The teen closed his eyes tightly at the words, several more tears falling. He used his thumbs to brush them away, sniffing softly. "And you're angry." At that moment, he hardly wanted to be in the same room. The tension simply felt thick to the teen and he wanted it gone.

“I am disappointed,” Remus clarified. “Very disappointed.” He paused for a moment as he sighed softly. “I don’t fancy being lied to Harry James. I also don’t appreciate when my friends are lied to.”

Harry lowered his hands, resting them on top of each other. "I'm sorry.." He whispered softly.

“Are you?” Remus questioned in a voice so stern he hardly recognized it as his own. “Or is that a lie as well?”

Hurt flashed across Harry's face at the words, his chin quivering before he pushed himself up and away from the table. Everything was going to be a lie now then? He didn't wait for Remus to say anything more before he quickly departed the kitchen and headed up the stairs. Remus nearly left for Hogwarts. He nearly yelled at the child to get himself back in the kitchen. He nearly climbed the stairs with the intent to put Harry across his knee before Severus could. After several long moments he stood and made his way through the lower level of the house. He climbed the staircase slowly before pausing outside of Harry’s bedroom door. He raised a hand and knocked twice before waiting to be told that he could enter.

"What?" Came the teen's reply, tears lacing his tone. Harry sat on his bed, leaning against the headboard as he stared towards the window. None of this would of happened if he was at Hogwarts.

Remus pushes the door open, stepping into the teenagers bedroom. “I realize that you are upset and regretting your actions however, you have no one to blame for them but yourself.” Remus leaned against the boy’s wardrobe, his arms folded over his chest.

Harry looked up to the man as he entered before staring down to his bed covers. "I know that.." He muttered, a hint of cheek entering his tone.

Remus shook his head firmly as he stood up straight, his weight off of the wardrobe. “If you are going to speak to me with that cheek I will see myself back to Hogwarts.”

Harry fell silent for a moment before slowly shaking his head. "Don't leave.." His voice was soft as he pulled a knee up towards his chest.

Remus sighed softly as his eyes fell on the clock on Harry’s bedside table. “You have two hours until Severus will be home and thirty minutes until I have to leave to teach my last class of the day. Perhaps you should use your time wisely?”

Harry slowly nodded, pushing himself up and moving to his desk. He picked up his bag, taking out his transfiguration textbook first. "I -am- sorry." He glanced over towards Remus.

Remus nodded as he moved and sat on the foot of the boy’s bed. He was prepared to stay for the next thirty minutes and help the boy if he could. “It had better not happen again Harry.”

"It won't." Harry breathed as he started on his first bit of transfiguration work. He fell silent, resting his head in left hand as he wrote. After a few minutes, he lowered his quill and swallowed. "I'm nervous.." He finally admitted.

Remus’ eyes hadn’t left the boy as he worked. When Harry spoke, Remus cleared his throat softly. “To face Severus?”

Harry nodded, resting his forehead into his hands. "Yea."

“Why are you nervous?” Remus asked in a gentle tone. He had a good feeling of exactly why the teenager was feeling that way. If he was waiting for his father to come home to discipline him, he would have been nervous too.

"Because.. he'll be angry. So angry.." The man was never scary to him, but he HATED when the man was upset. He hated being the cause of it.

Remus nodded at the words. “You are right, he likely will be. However he loves you very much Harry. He won’t stay angry, you know that.”

"I know.." Harry whispered, tilting his head to look back at the man. "Doesn't make it easier."

Remus hummed softly at the words. “I’m sure it doesn’t.” He paused for a moment as he gave Harry a sad smile. “A walloping is never easy to wait for is it?”

Harry visibly tensed at the words, his cheeks flushing. It was one thing knowing what was coming, it was another to hear REMUS say it. "You can't talk him out of it..?"

Remus shook his head at the request. “You lied quite a bit this week. You didn’t complete your schoolwork. You made Sirius believe that you were ill. I cannot talk him out of this.”

"Is Sirius upset too?" Harry forced himself to sit up straight, looking back to his work.

“Sirius is not aware that you lied to him at the moment.” Remus cleared his throat once more. “I believe that it would be best if you told him yourself.”

He whined softly at the words, sighing soon after. Harry couldn't imagine the disappointment on his godfather's face either! Still, the teen continued to work, chewing on his bottom lip.

After twenty minutes passed Remus stood moving over to Harry. He peered over the boy at his work giving an approving nod at how much he had completed. His hand reached out gently cupping the back of the teenagers neck and giving it a light squeeze. “I need to get back to Hogwarts now. But do not forget to watch the time, remember what Severus said about when he arrives home. I doubt you want to make him any more cross.”

Harry leaned back against the touch slightly, swallowing heavily once more as he nodded. "Okay.." He whispered softly, turning a page within his book. He doubted that his guardian would be more cross than he already would be though.

“I’ll come visit for a bit tomorrow,” Remus promised as he removed his hand from the back of the boy’s neck. “You try and get some work completed before you need to go downstairs.” Remus moved out of the room, leaving the bedroom door open as he did. He made his way downstairs before flooing back to Hogwarts.

Harry raised his left hand after the man left, rubbing at his eyes as several tears started to fall. Of course he knew he had to get the work done soon, but he wished he could redo the week. He forced his eyes back to his book, finishing up his first assignment before moving on to the second. This continued for the next couple of hours, the teen's eyes finally looking up towards the clock. It was nearing five and Snape would be back.. He pushed himself away and up from his desk, glad that he got through Transfiguration at least. That would at least be something. Harry made his way downstairs, suddenly pausing at the bottom step. His mouth went dry once more as he went over to his usual corner. The teen folded his arms tightly around himself, eyes closing.

Snape walked into his parlor at Hogwarts. His anger over the situation with Harry had hardly diminished at all in the past few hours. He swore to himself that if the child wasn’t in the corner where he had instructed him to be he would take a strap to him. Snape moved towards the fireplace picking up a handful of floo powder before stepping inside. He dropped the floo powder to his feet stating his destination clearly. A moment later he stepped into the parlor in his own home. His eyes going to his son standing silently in the corner. He gave an approving nod at the boy’s actions. At the very least Snape was pleased that he had at least listened now. He walked towards, Harry stopping only a step behind the child as he debated landing a smack to his rear end.

Harry's back tensed as he heard the floo roar to life behind him, shifting his head just slightly. He heard the footsteps approach him, his eyes closing. His breath hitched slightly, fresh tears burning under his eye lids. The teen didn't say anything. He knew he shouldn't.

Snape turned and walked away from his child, sitting down in his armchair. He sighed softly at the idea of what his evening would consist of. Earlier in the day he had been hopeful for a nice, quiet night with his son but that hope was long gone. His eyes moved to the clock on the mantel noting that it was five after five. He swore to himself that Harry was not leaving that corner until at least half past the hour.

Harry had actually hoped the man would say something. Yell, scolding, anything to break the silence of the room. Yet the only sound there was were Bane's nails clicking against the floor as the dog moved to greet Snape. After a few more minutes, Harry swallowed heavily and rested his forehead against the wall.

Snape watched as the boy leaned against the wall. His eyes moved to the clock once more noting that half of Harry’s time had passed. “Stand up straight,” Snape hissed in an angry tone. “You are not standing in the corner to relax young man!”

Harry jumped at the sudden snap, standing straight once more quickly. He instead folded his arms over himself, staring down towards the floor. Several tears that had been threatening to fall finally did so, causing the teen to raise a hand brush away a few of them. Snape’s eyes narrowed on the teenager as he mentally went over his list of misdeeds. Remus had informed him when he returned to Hogwarts that he had left Harry working on his schoolwork and Snape was quiet curious as to how much of it the boy had managed to complete. He was quite curious about several other things as well. He swore to himself that if Harry showed him any cheek, even once, that he would put him back over his knee in a few hours when the boy went to bed. Snape’s eyes moved from Harry to the clock once more. The boy had less than ten minutes left. “I certainly hope that you are thinking long and hard about where your lying has gotten you young man.” Snape’s voice was stern, angry. Harry took in a deep breath, giving no other response to the words. He wouldn’t respond. Not right then. Closing his eyes, the teen rose hands to brush away several tears. Snape remained silent, his eyes moving from Harry to the clock on the mantel as the last minutes ticked by. When the final minute ended Snape cleared his throat. “Are you ready to come out of the corner or is another thirty minutes necessary?” Harry turned at the words, shaking his head with a soft “No..” He started over towards the man before he paused and casted a glance at the desk before back over towards his guardian. Snape’s eyes narrowed, his lips set in a tight line S he raised a hand and crooked a finger at his son before firmly pointing to the ground directly in front of him. “To me Harry James.” Harry swallowed, slowly making his way over to the man and stopping once he reached him. His mouth, once more, felt dry as he raised a hand to brush at a stray tear. “I’m sorry..” He whispered softly, chewing on his bottom lip as he stared at his guardian. Snape raised an eyebrow at the words as he took hold of Harry’s hand and pulled him closer yet. “You are only sorry that you were caught!” The man decided in an low, angry tone. Harry didn’t respond to those words, his eyes shifting from Snape’s angry face to stare down at the man’s knee. He was sure if he wasn’t able to catch up on the work, then he would of told him. “I just wanted to spend some normal time with Sirius..” He offered softly, his eyes still remaining low. Snape’s hand reached out and firmly gripped the child’s chin as he forced his eyes up to look at him. “Did something prevent you from coming to me and asking if you could do so at a time that is not designated for you to be completing your schoolwork?” Harry tried to pull his chin away from the man's grasp before he simply rested his head in the hold.

"I.. well no." The teen admitted softly. Snape’s grip tightened slightly on the small chin. “Instead you felt it necessary to lie to me as well as to your godfather and Remus? What exactly did you say you were sick with?” When the grip tightened, he once more started to shift his head. "Please let go." He whined, before answer the man's question. "J-just that my stomach had been bothering me.." Snape made no attempt to let the child go or even loosen his grip. “You seemed perfectly fine to me all week.” Snape’s tone remained angry. “Though I can assure you that you will feel plenty of discomfort this evening though it will not be in your stomach.” He paused for a long moment. “Perhaps that mouth of yours needs washing out with a bar of soap to teach you that lying is unacceptable?” Harry's chin quivered in his guardian grip, several more tears falling. "No." He raised a hand, sniffing as he cleared away his tears to no avail. They continued to fall and the teen gave the man a pleading look. “No?” Snape questioned sternly as his hand let go of the small chin. “Then how exactly are we going to make sure that your lying ends here?” Snape shook his head before Harry had a chance to respond. “By my calculations we have dealt with dishonesty from you one too many times.” “I-I was still going to get the work done!” He pulled his face away, rubbing at his cheeks. “I already finished all of transfiguration and started charms.” “You certainly are,” Snape nodded firmly. “The moment that we are done here you are bringing you work to the kitchen where you will remain until it is done.” The teen released a breath, slowly nodding at the words. "Okay.." He agreed softly. "And I AM sorry..I.. I didn't think you'd be okay with Sirius and I just.. just hanging out." “Regardless of what you thought that is not an excuse to lie Harry!” Snape let out an angry breath before fixing the child with a stern glare. “How much of your work for this week have you completed?” "Potions, defense.. and transfiguration." Harry's voice was soft, his eyes once more falling down. It wasn't a lot that he had finished- compared to a whole week's worth of work. “Eyes up!” Snape hissed angrily. “Unless you want my help with that.” He cleared his throat as his head shook in disbelief. “I suppose it will be quiet a long night of schoolwork for you young man.” Harry forced his eyes up at the words, slowly nodding after a minute. "I'll get it all done tonight.." He whispered, nodding once more with his words. Snape’s eyes locked with his son’s. “And what are we going to do to stop this lying? You do not want your mouth washed out...perhaps you need a healthy dose of veritaserum? You can have your backside spanked for every lie I uncover!” Harry felt himself go numb at the words, shaking his head as Snape spoke. "No.. no, I swear I won't lie again!" He couldn't help the desperation that entered his voice as he spoke, attempting to blink back tears. However the action only caused them to fall. Snape raised an eyebrow at the teenagers tears. “Quite a reaction,” he mused angrily. “There are that many lies that I would uncover Harry James? How very disappointing!” Harry cringed at the tone, shaking his head as he closed his eyes. "No there's not!" His voice rose slightly, easily matching Snape's as he opened his eyes once more.

“Don’t you DARE take that tone with me!” Snape hissed. “You are in enough trouble as it is!” Harry stared at the man in a brief moment of defiance, his eyes searching his guardian's before they lowered. "Sorry.." He uttered, his shoulders slouching down. “Go over to the desk and retrieve the paddle this instant!” Snape barked. “That backside of yours clearly needs to be reminded of what lying results in!” "No it doesn't!" There was no helping the raise in his own tone, once more matching Snape's. Snape took hold of his child, spinning him around so that he was facing the direction of the desk. His left hand kept a firm grip on Harry as his right released its grip and cane down in an exceptionally hard smack across the jean clad rear end. “Go!” Snape’s left hand released its grip as well. “Do not make me repeat myself again young man.” Harry choked on a sob as he took a step forward, glaring towards the desk. "Stop yelling at me.." He muttered, sniffing loudly as he started towards the desk. Snape felt a pang of guilt at his actions but he quickly forced them aside. “If you behaved yourself I wouldn’t have to yell would I?” He questioned. Harry didn't respond as he went to the desk, sniffing loudly as he opened the drawer and withdrew the item. He stared at it as he started to walk back to the man. "Then don't get mad if I yell back.." “That cheek of yours is about to earn you a second trip over my knee before you go to bed this evening,” Snape threatened in a promising tone. “In fact perhaps that is not such a bad idea. It could certainly serve as a reminder for you to behave yourself!” Harry paused a few steps away from the man at those words, blinking as several tears fell. "No.." He whispered softly, moving to stand in front of his guardian once more. Snape held his hand out for the paddle. “You are certainly not proving to me that it is not needed.” “Nothing I say will change your mind..” He whispered softly, his eyes falling to Snape’s knee as he placed the paddle in the man’s hand. “Change my mind about what?” Snape leaned over placing the item on the table beside him. “Paddling your disobedient backside?” Harry slowly nodded, taking in a breath as he stared back up at the man. “I’m sorry..” He whispered, rubbing at his eyes once more. Snape reached out unsnapping the boy’s jeans. “Being sorry does not change your misbehavior. Does it?” “No..” He whispered softly, shaking his head. Harry closed his eyes tightly. “It should mean something though..” “I don’t recall saying that it did not.” Snape reached out a finger and tapped the boy’s chin firmly. “What is your backside about to be paddled for young man?” "Don't." Harry couldn't help but start to back up. "I'm sorry for lying, I'm sorry I haven't been doing my work. But I *promise* it'll all be done tonight! And I won't lie again." Snape reached out and easily grabbed hold of the child. “Stop this nonsense at once! You are absolutely going over my knee! I intend to see to it that you are unable to sit without discomfort when we are done here!” Snape began moving the child to his side as he spoke the last words. Tears burned the teen’s eyes, welling up and falling as he was pulled to the side. “I was gunna tell you today..” He offered softly. “I’m sure that you were.” Snape nodded as he reached out and lowered his child’s jeans. “Perhaps after this time you will learn that lying will only result in your nursing a blistered backside.” Harry's shoulders shook with soft sobs, shaking his head slowly. "Sorry.." He whispered softly once more. Snape didn’t respond instead taking a hold on Harry and guiding him over his lap. Once Harry was in position, Snape hooked his fingers into the boy’s shorts and peeled them down as well. His left hand wrapped firmly around the child, holding him in place before he raised his right hand and landed a hard stinging swat to his target. A second later he landed two more stinging swats before he started spanking in earnest, being sure to cover every inch of his target. As every time before then, Harry's right

hand grabbed a handful of Snape's pant leg as he was guided over. His left hand rested on the floor while his face nestled into the crook of that arm. His back tensed as the first smack landed, his tears dampening his sleeve as sobs shook his frame. His bum was already on fire, legs raising in an desperate attempt to block anymore swats. Snape paused for all of a moment when Harry raised his leg. Just long enough to land a particularly hard smack to the back of Harry’s right thigh. “Put that leg down young man,” Snape demanded as his hand moved back to assulting the small backside. Harry yelped at the smack, forcing his legs to lower back down. He rubbed his face into his sleeve, simply sobbing harder. His shoulders heaved as he finally choked out a soft, "Stooop." Snape’s hand stopped falling at the whine as he leaned over and picked up the paddle. “Oh no young man. I have barely even started!” Snape raised the paddle and brought it down on the small red backside. “I certainly hope that your lying was well worth it!” Harry's grip tightened on the man's pant leg, his legs kicking up once more as the paddle was brought down smartly. He yelped once more, releasing his grip to reach the hand back in an attempt to cover his rear. "I-I'm SORRY!" He sobbed. Snape raised an eyebrow at the hand. He stopped, the paddling traveling down to firmly tap the back of the boy’s thigh. “Move that hand,” Snape warned. It took the teen a moment to obey, slowly lowering the hand back down to grip back at the man. His shoulders shook with his sobs, coughing into his arm as he took in a breath. “Very good,” Snape nodded as he tapped Harry’s backside firmly with the paddle. “Now tell me Harry what happens when you lie?” He raised the paddle bringing it down once on each side of the boy’s rear end. "Th-thiiiis!" Harry sobbed loudly into his arm, shifting in clear discomfort and pain. “When do you plan on lying again?” Snape let the paddle fall twice more, once on each side. "N-never!" The teen tightened his grip on the man, his sobs echoing off the walls as he took in a stuttering breath. “When is that schoolwork of yours going to get completed?” The paddle fell once more on each side of the child’s bum. "Toniiight!" Harry whined, attempting to shift his bum away from the man's target. “It had better Harry James! I promise you if even one assignment is late this week you will go right back over my knee. Is that understood?” Snape let the paddle fall twice more. Harry only nodded before he yelped at the smacks. "Y-yes!" He sobbed , several tears falling from his cheeks and landing on the floor below. “Do you think that you can behave yourself or does this spanking need to continue?” Snape landed a hard smack to Harry’s left sit spot. "I-I'll be good.." Harry was sure he wouldn't be sitting all night, his bottom felt on fire! Snape raised the paddle once more, letting it fall on the child’s right sit spot before he placed the paddle back on the table beside him. His left arm loosened its grip on the boy before his right hand moved to gently rub Harry’s back. A moment later, he paused in his actions, reaching down and pulling the boy’s shorts back up to their rightful spot. Harry tensed as the clothing was rightened, his body shaking with his sobs. The teen pushed himself up from the man's lap, pulling his jeans back up with a hiss. He took a half step back, raising his hand and rubbing at his eyes with his wrists. The tears had no end in sight and he gave up on trying to wipe them away. Snape raised a hand, gesturing to the child to take the step and a half to him. Tears fell freely, the teen taking in several sharp breaths as he stepped back up to the man. The moment that Harry was close enough Snape wrapped his arms tightly around the boy. “Take a nice deep breath,” he instructed, his tone now gentle. Harry took in a deep breath as instructed, attempting to hold it in for a moment before a hard sob broke past his lips. His arms wrapped around the man, head bowing down as he continued to take in several deep

breathes. Snape moved the child, gently sitting him on his lap before his right hand moved to rub his back. “Several more deep breaths,” he instructed softly. “Come now, try and calm down.” Harry whined as he was pulled down, shifting so his bottom wasn't resting on Snape's leg. He moved his arms to wrap around the man's middle, closing his eyes. His shoulders hitched as he took in another breath, this time able to slowly release it. “Okay?” Snape questioned gently as he continued to rub the boy’s back. He could feel his shirt beginning to dampen from the child’s tears as he was hit with a sharp pang of guilt at how hard he had just been on his child. Harry shifted his face away from the now damp spot, bowing his head to the top of his head rested against the man's chest. He made no reply, his shoulders shaking as he continued to catch his breath slowly. Snape hummed softly as his left arm moved to pull his child closer to him. His arm remained wrapped around Harry’s middle. “Are you okay?” He tried once more. Harry shook his head slightly against the man's chest. Of course he wasn't okay! Not right then at least. He was miserable and his bum was in the worst pain it had been in for some time. His hold tightened for a minute before he released his left hand, moving it to rub at the tear stains on his cheeks. Still, his tears continued to fall, though his sobs had started to lessen. Harry glanced up at the man, his eyes red and swollen from his crying. "Sorry.." He whispered softly. Snape nodded in reply. “I want you to understand something.” His tone remained gentle. “If you are going to continue going to your godfathers as often as you have been then I need to trust that you are behaving there and doing what you are supposed to be doing.” Harry nodded as Snape spoke, once more rubbing at his eyes and cheeks. "I w-will.." His breath hitched as he spoke, sniffing. Snape nodded once more as he rested his chin on the top of Harry’s head. “I don’t want to have to repeat this lesson Harry.” His right hand softly rubbed the boy’s back once more. “I did not enjoy that in the least.” Harry shook his head at the words, closing his eyes tightly as a quieter sob passed his lips. Snape leaned back in his chair, bringing Harry with him and adjusting him slightly on his lap. “What is going on in that mind of yours? Hmm?” Harry twisted himself in the man's lap so he was more resting on his stomach against the man's front. "I'm just s-sorry.." His breath hitched once more as he spoke, taking in another calming breath. “I forgive you.” Snape’s voice was soft and gentle. “However I meant what I said, you have a long night of schoolwork ahead of you.” The teen nodded, rubbing his face against Snape's cloak with a wince. "I-I know." “You can stay where you are and continue to calm down and rest a bit first,” Snape decided as his hand rested on the small of Harry’s back. "No.. I-I'll go get e-everything.." Harry rubbed his eyes once more, starting to push himself up carefully. “I am allowing you twenty minutes to calm yourself down. You are sure you don’t want to take advantage of that?” Snape questioned gently. Harry nodded, pushing himself up fully with a wince. He didn't wait for his guardian to say anything more, moving across the parlor and starting up the stairs to both gather his school items and change into his pajamas. Snape nearly insisted that his child take his advice and rest but he thought better of it. Harry had a lot to catch up on and if he was so determined to start now, Snape was not going to stop him. As Harry disappeared up the stairs the man stood and picked up the paddle. He walked across the living room and returned it to the desk drawer. He had quite a few papers to grade that evening and instantly decided that he would work in the kitchen and keep his child company. He picked up the large stack of them, carrying them out of the room. A moment later he sat down at the kitchen table and began reading the first essay. It took the teen near ten minutes to come back downstairs, holding his

school bag in hand as he entered the kitchen. He took a seat next to his guardian, visibly wincing as he did so. Harry swallowed heavily as he leaned over to take out his charms book, opening it to where he had been working previously. Sniffing, he laid his parchment back out before he silently started to work. Snape watched the boy out of the corner of his eye for several long moments before he went back to his grading. His eyes scanned the words as he tried to concentrate on his work. It was proving to be near impossible however. It wasn’t like Harry to sit with him for such a short time after his punishment. It wasn’t like him to refuse to rest afterwards either. Harry rested his head in his left hand as he scanned his book. He wanted everything done and over. He wanted the day over all together. A few tears escaped and he quickly wiped them away with his thumb. Snape’s felt his heart hurt as he caught the child brushing his stray tears away. He set down his quill, sitting up properly, his eyes fixed on his child. “Why the tears, Harry?” He took extra care to make sure his voice was as gentle as it could possibly be. Harry placed his own quill down carefully, resting his forehead within both hands. "I mucked up e-everything.." He whispered. "I g-gotta tell Sirius too." “You made a mistake and you were thoroughly punished for it. I am sure that your godfather will forgive you.” Snape waved a hand causing a box of tissues to appear in front of Harry. Lowering his hands, Harry took a tissue and rubbed his eyes with it. "He'll be upset.." He whispered softly. "And Remus was angry.. and you too." Snape hummed softly at the words before leaning forward. He rested his elbows on the table as he put his face closer to his child’s. “You lied to us Harry. Did you honestly think that we would not be cross when we found out?” Harry lowered his hands down, placing the tissue next to his book as he rested his head back in his left hand. He looked over at his guardian as the man spoke, his eyes still red from his tears. "No." “I have forgiven you and if I know Remus at all, he has as well.” Snape reached a hand out placing it on top of his son’s. “It will all be okay.” Harry slowly nodded at the words, keeping his hand under his guardian's for a few moments before he slowly pulled it away. He simply picked up his quill, attempting to focus back on his school work. “What is it that you have to do for Charms this week?” Snape questioned as he moved his hand back, picking up his quill once more. "Two feet on the banishing charm, like when it would be useful and all- and also start reading the chapter about 'Scourgify'." Harry rubbed under his eyes, shifting in his seat with a wince. Snape hummed softly forcing himself to ignore the wince. “How much of it have you completed so far?” "Like.. half a foot.." He admitted softly. "Then I gotta do three feet on the properties of bubotuber pus for Herbology. And start reading about the Goblin wars."

Snape considered the list of work the boy still had to complete. He knew his rear end had to be aching in the hard kitchen chair. The child also must have been tired from all his tears. He still needed to eat dinner as well. “Finish your Charms work and we will take a break for dinner.” “I’m not that hungry.” Harry shook his head as he continued to write, sniffing softly. “I just want to finish everything..” “What if I said that I would allow you to stop after Charms and work on the rest tomorrow?” Snape gave the boy a questioning glance. Harry paused, leaning back to rub at his left eye roughly. He gave the man a skeptical look. Not even half an hour ago, he was sworn to finish it all tonight. “But..” He looked back down at the work he had done so far, suddenly feel exhausted and also the pain hadn’t lessened at all. “Your rear end cant be comfortable in that chair. I also know you well enough to know that you are likely exhausted from your tears.” Snape’s voice was soft as he spoke. “Are my assumptions correct?” Harry closed his eyes, slowly nodding with a soft “Yeah..” “Being exhausted and in pain is not going to make for your work to be done properly.” Snape sighed softly. “My schedule is quite light tomorrow. I think perhaps I will teach my morning class at nine and then spend the rest of the day home with you.” He paused as he looked over to he child. “Finish Charms so that we can eat some supper and then I think you and I will have a bit of a talk out in the parlor.” Harry couldn’t help but feel relieved and also worried. He loved that Snape was going to stay, mostly, home with him. But in turn, he was worried about their talk. “About what?” He casted the man a glance, looking back down to his book. “You aren’t in any trouble, I promise you.” Snape turned his attention back to the papers that he was grading. “Finish your Charms work and think about what you would like for dinner.” "Shepherd pie." Came the teen's instant reply as he continued to work. He glanced up at Snape, giving a small grin. "It's been awhile since I've had that." “I believe that can be arranged,” Snape nodded. “Now finish your essay please.” He made several check marks on the essay that he was grading before setting it in his completed pile and moving on to the next one. Silence fell over the pair for nearly half an hour, Harry finally closing his book and pushing it away. He placed the parchment on top of it carefully. "Done." He murmured, resting his cheek back in his hand as he looked over at the man. Snape finished writing a few comments on the essay he was grading before he looked up at his child. He held a hand out. “Let me see your essay please.” He reached for it, carefully passing it over to the man. Snape began reading the essay, stopping after a moment to look up at his child. “Put your books away.” As the words left his mouth his eyes lowered once more as he continued reading. A moment later he held the essay out for Harry to take back. “Very good,” he nodded. “Very good indeed.” Harry did as he was asked, placing his bag back down and taking the essay with a small grin. "Thanks." He rolled it up and placed the parchment on top of his bag. Snape waved a hand causing the essays that he was working on to relocate themselves back to his desk in the parlor. A moment later he tapped the table causing their dinner of shepherds pie to appear. “Eat and then you have my word that we will relocate to the parlor so you can sit more comfortably.” Harry shifted, nodding at the words. He winced, rubbing under his right eye. The skin was still red and sore, but he lowered his hand back down to pick up his fork. "Thanks.." He muttered softly, taking a bite. “There is no need to thank me.” Snape picked up his own fork eating a bite. After he swallowed he opened his mouth once more. “I should not have told you that you had to complete all your work tonight. I apologize for that.” "I wanted to try." Harry sighed, taking several more bites before taking a long sip of water. “I know.” Snape nodded after swallowing

another bite of his meal. “I respect that but as I said, given your current state, it will not make for good work.” Snape held up a hand before Harry could reply. “Not that your essay was not good because it was but an hour or so from now you will be fighting to keep your eyes open.” Harry nodded, rubbing his left eye as he continued to eat in silence once more. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t have to stress about getting everything done that night. Snape finished his meal in silence tapping the table once causing his plate to vanish when he was done. He looked over to Harry’s plate pleaded to see that despite his child claiming that he wasn’t hungry he had eaten more than half of his dinner so far. Harry took a few more bites before he pushed his plate away slowly and looked up to his guardian. Without any prompting, the teen stood up with a sigh. The pain his bum was in was still terrible, and being able to stand did help just slightly. Snape tapped the table once more causing Harry’s plate to vanish as well. A moment later the man stood. He walked over to Harry placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He gave it a light squeeze as he cleared his throat. “Feed Bane his dinner and then come see me in the parlor.” Harry watched the man, nodding as he moved over to Bane’s dish. The dog stood up from his bed, tail wagging as he moved over to Harry and waited patiently for his food. Harry glanced over his shoulder to see Snape had already stepped into the parlor. With a slightly grin, Harry filled his pet’s food dish and reached into the dog’s treat jar. “Here boy..” Bane sniffed the treat before he carefully took it, eating it first before he moved to his food. Harry sighed, stepping around Bane and moving into the parlor. Snape looked up from his spot in his armchair as his son walked into the room. “Did you want to come sit with me or would you prefer to sit on the couch?” Harry stepped over to his guardian, suddenly feeling like a child. He paused, biting his lip. “I’m not too old?” He knew he had been sitting with his guardian several times this year, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Snape thought he shouldn’t be.. “Perhaps,” Snape nodded as he reached out and took a gentle hold of the boy’s hand pulling him the last two steps to him. “However I don’t particularly care.” Harry sighed as he sat on the man’s leg before he adjusted himself to lie down across his lap. He rested his head on Snape’s shoulder, stretching his legs out to rest across the arm of the chair. Snape half grinned at the action before he looked down at his child. “I think we need to have a bit of a talk about your schoolwork.” “I’ll get it all done..” Harry sighed, nestling his head into the man’s cloak. “I know that you will.” Snape nodded. “As I said I intend to come home before lunch tomorrow and spend the better part of the day seeing that it is completed. I was referring to future schoolwork. I think perhaps I have been wrong in allowing you to do it as you please throughout the week. I think that you need more structure.” Harry took in a breath at the words, pressing his head further against the man. “I don’t need like.. a schedule. I’ll get better though.” “I disagree,” Snape said softly. “I think that you absolutely need a schedule of sorts. At the very least I think my telling you which classes I expect completed each day would be helpful. I also intend to start checking your work every evening.” Harry couldn’t help the “Uugh..” that passed his lips, shifting into a more comfortable position. “I swear I’ll get better, Snape.” Snape could not help but raise an eyebrow at the teenagers sound of annoyance. “I am sure you could on your own as well but we are going to try my way first. I will write up a daily schedule for you. You can start following it next week.” Snape’s hand moved to rest on Harry’s knee. “Fine..” He uttered softly, closing his eyes after a moment. “Though I don’t need it.” “I’m sure you don’t however I would like to see if it is helpful at all. As I

said I will also be checking your work nightly,” Snape’s hand gently tapped the boy’s knee. “Don’t even think about falling asleep on me. You are heading up to bed momentarily.” Harry opened his eyes at the words, raising he left hand to rub at his eyes. “Sorry.” He whispered, instead keeping his gaze on his knees. He would of liked to stay where he was. But after such a punishment, the teen felt all argument leave him. Snape hummed softly. “I will allow the subject to be your choice but tomorrow morning when I return home from Hogwarts I expect at least one subject completed.” Harry nodded at the words, releasing a slow breath. “Okay.” He agreed. That could be done, easily as well. “Okay.” Snape nodded as well. “Is there anything you wish to discuss before you head up to bed?” Harry looked ready to say something, falling silent for several moments before he shook his head. “No..” He started to carefully push himself up from the man’s lap. Snape raised an eyebrow at the boy’s actions. “Honestly, Harry you act as though I do not know you at all. What is it that you were just about to say? Hmm?” “I just wanted to stay down here.” He stood, looking down as Bane entered the room. Harry smiled softly, leaning to rub at the dog’s ear. Snape hummed softly at the request. “Has Bane been outside recently?” “Was a couple of hours ago..” Harry remained in his spot, standing up straight as Bane moved over to his guardian. “Take him out and allow me time to consider your request. I am not sure that after your behavior you deserve to be allowed to sleep down here tonight.” Harry’s gaze remained down at the words, gently patting his leg. “C'mon boy..” He whispered softly, walking towards the back door with Bane trotting behind him. Opening the door, Bane trotted out happily as Harry leaned against the door. Snape raised an eyebrow as he watched his child leave the room. He nearly rolled his eyes at his dramatics. As if not being permitted to sleep on the couch would just destroy his entire night. Snape picked up the book that was sitting on his side table, opening to where he had left off as he waited for his child to return. After several minutes, Harry re-emerged into the parlor. Bane remained in the kitchen, going to his water bowl. Snape’s eyes remained on his book as he cleared his throat. “Go get your pillow and blanket.” A faint smile crossed the teen’s lips at that, taking a step backward before he went up the stairs. It didn’t take long for the teen to come back down, swallowing as he winced in pain. He placed his pillow down at the edge of the couch, tossing his blanket down beside he curled under it and laid on his side. Harry faced his guardian, his arm tucking under his pillow. “Thanks..” Snape nodded his eyes staying on his book as he finished the last sentence of the chapter he was reading. A moment later he closed his book, looking over to his child. “Okay?” He questioned softly. Harry nodded slightly, nestling his cheek against his pillow with a small smile. “Yeah..” He whispered, eyes closing after a moment. “‘M okay..” Snape hummed softly with a curious raised eyebrow. “That wince a moment ago told a different story.” Harry wrapped his arm tightly around his pillow. “Just hurts..” He whispered, rolling to lay more on his stomach. Snape cleared his throat slightly as he stood. “It must be hurting less by this point.” He moved across the room, taking hold of Harry’s blanket and pulling it up over his shoulder. “Hardly..” He muttered, using his free hand to hold onto the blanket and tuck it under his chin. Snape hummed softly as he sat on the edge of the couch. His hand moved, resting softly on the small of Harry’s back. “I sure that by the morning it will be long forgotten.” Harry kept his eyes closed as he felt the couch dip slightly. “Hope so..” He whispered, sleep instantly pulling at the teen’s mind. Snape’s hand moved to begin rubbing the teenager’s back softly. “I am certain it will be.”

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padfootagain · 4 years ago

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A Very Rose Mistake (VI)

Part 6: How You Almost Did

Here I come with a new chapter for this series!!! I'm sorry the posting schedule is a little bit more hectic than usual, but depression is kicking my arse pretty badly, and it's harder to write then. BUT here is a new chapter!! Things are… evolving. A lot of this chapter is the flashback, because it's an important scene.

I hope you like this chapter, and don't forget to leave a little comment if you read, cause that really helps motivating me into writing, and I need that extra piece of motivation now more than ever, sadly.

No warnings here, it's pretty fluffy :)

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count : 4283

Holmes Chapel, 2010

"So… do you have everything?"

"Yeah, it's all ready."

"Did you take your inhaler? I won't be here to save your distracted arse this time."

"I do have it. Thanks, Lambkin."

"Fuck you, Chuckaboo."

"Oi!"

You laughed as you helped Harry carry his suitcase down the stairs. He was leaving to take a chance at X-factor. It was already crazy that he got through the first round of auditions, but now he had to travel across the country to start the first steps of the show.

Whenever the two of you talked about it though, he insisted that he would be back in the blink of an eye. He hadn't even expected to successfully get two 'yes' from the jury during the auditions, and now his purpose was to learn as much as he could from the experience, and enjoy it while it would last. It was a crazy adventure, but one he was certain would simply end in a flicker. He had asked you to get all the lessons for him that he would miss, so he wouldn't struggle too much when he would come back in a couple of weeks.

And to be honest, you thought the same about the whole thing as he did. It wasn't that you didn't believe in him enough, because you did. If there was one person that you trusted and believed in on this Earth, it was Harry. And you had heard him sing before, you knew he had talent, even if it was a little raw for now. You did not doubt though that he was full of potential, and with some hard work, could definitely stand a chance. But he was also a sixteen-year-old boy, from this little English town you called home where nothing happened, and he was your best friend. You had known each other since you were five. It was almost impossible for you to imagine him as anything else but the goofy teenager he was when around you. So, a professional singer? It was improbable up to a hilarious degree.

Still, you were nervous and sad at the sight of Harry checking the content of his backpack one last time, checking if he had everything. He would be leaving early the next morning. It was the last evening you would share before he was off for an unknown period of time, and even if you both assumed it would be but a short one, it was still scary to think about how you didn't know when you would next see him. Maybe it was simply because it had never happened before, you guessed so, at the very least. Anything unknown was scary, after all.

Harry was trying to keep a calm façade, but you were far from a fool, and knew perfectly well that he was, in reality, terrified about the whole endeavour. After all, he was going to be leaving his home for some time. Any sixteen-year-old would find the mere thought terrifying.

After you brought all of his bags to the hallway by the front door, ready for his journey the next day, you settled for a while in the kitchen, where you prepared some toasts and sandwiches for your dinner. Anne was working late, and would not be coming home for another hour or so, which meant that Harry and you could enjoy some quality time together for a little longer.

You both laughed as you almost burned down the kitchen preparing the toasts, both of you pretending for that time that everything was normal. It was almost as if you had both silently came to the agreement that for that evening, while the two of you were alone cooking in the kitchen, his journey of the next day was but a reverie, and instead, the next morning would simply be the beginning of a normal day.

You talked about video games, and TV shows you found funny but stupid, and school. You couldn't really describe why talking with Harry was so different to talking to anyone else. It was just so easy. Fluent. It came without an effort, and it seemed that the two of you could have been left there for hours on your own and would still have found some things to say to each other, some new topic to discuss. You had always attributed that trait of his to the fact that he was your best friend, and had been so for such a long time. Knowing him so well meant that there wasn't much you didn't dare to do in front of him. You weren't afraid to be yourself when he was around, never had been.

And for a long time, you reckoned that it was simply explained by you seeing a brother in him. A twin of sort that you had never had. But as puberty started its work, and your mind embraced new possible explanations and understood new kinds of relationships, you wondered if a brotherly bond was really what united so closely the two of you.

Because you weren't sure that it was all there was to it, really. Maybe, it wasn't the reason why you didn't like his girlfriends. Maybe it wasn't why you were so sad to say goodbye tonight. Maybe it wasn't why you trusted him so blindly all the time. Why you always forgave him.

But you were young, and you weren't quite sure yet of what you felt meant. Maybe you were just trying to figure yourself out, and were making a fuss of nothing.

Or maybe, Harry meant something else to you than a brother.

All you knew was that when the conversation finally quietened, slowing down to reach a full stop that filled the room with silence, his departure on the tip of both your tongues once more, you were sad and afraid like you had never been before.

"We should wash the dishes," Harry threw one last attempt at avoiding the floating threat hovering in the comfortable silence. One last ammunition used to keep his fear at bay for a little longer, and instead, bathe in your presence for a little longer.

He couldn't really explain how he felt about you. It wasn't something he had felt with the few girls he had been with before, and it wasn't either a level of intimacy that he had ever reached with any other of his friends. You were in that special box in his heart, that had only your name on it, and no one else's. More than a friend, but not a girlfriend either. Somehow, you were more than that to him. You were family to him. But he didn't see you like a sister either. Maybe he had for a while, but it slowly yet irremediably changed along the past few years. He wasn't sure to understand what that box your name lived in inside his heart was, but he was okay with that, for now. Sixteen was young after all, to understand matters of the heart.

For now, he simply wanted to be with you whenever he could, and that was enough.

He started to wash the plates in the sink, while you grabbed a clothe and started to dry the cutlery.

You didn't notice the glances he threw towards your direction, and he didn't notice the way your eyes lingered on his features as if to carve them into memory either. It was an unspoken, halfway type of zone you had settled in. It was hard to escape it now.

"Are you worried about tomorrow?" you asked, breaking the long silence that had settled in the kitchen, broken only by the distant murmur of cars passing by the street, and the water running from the faucet.

Had it been anyone else, Harry would have probably lied and pretended that he was perfectly fine.

But then, it was you, standing in that special little box of yours, and despite how fragile it made him feel, he answered you anyway.

"Yeah… I'm a bit nervous."

"I mean, I reckon it's normal to be so."

"Yeah… I mean, it's all new and I don't really know what will happen. And… huh… I think… It's gonna be hard to be away, I guess. I think I'll miss my mum a lot. And… and you too."

You stared at him for a moment, yellow photons from the lamp above your heads getting caught in the wild curls of his hair. He seemed a little lost. He was just a boy, after all.

You nudged him, trying to make him feel better.

"Hey, don't worry. I'm sure you'll be alright. Besides, you'll have fun, and make new friends over there, I'm sure. You will barely notice I'm not here."

He frowned, looking hurt at your statement, and you wondered why.

"You really think I would forget about you?" he asked, his voice a little too low, a little too deep, a little too fragile.

You shook your head, but he could see in the way you fidgeted with the cloth that you were not completely earnest with him.

"Of course not. I know you won't."

He turned off the water, the silence becoming deafening while he took his time to turn fully towards you, drying his hands on his worn-out jeans. Meanwhile, you were drying a plate, or at least, faking to do so, for there was no more water to sweep away across the porcelain. But it was easier to rub the white plate than to look at your friend at that moment.

"Hey, look at me."

When you stubbornly kept your eyes on this plate you kept on drying, Harry gently rested his hands upon yours, successfully interrupting your movements.

"Y/N. Please."

You let him take the plate away from you, putting it away before taking your chin in between his fingers to force you to turn to him. He wasn't surprised to find withheld tears glimmering in your eyes, yet the sight broke his heart all the same.

He couldn't see you cry. Never had been able to. He would have done anything to make you smile, and it had been so since the two of you were five.

He gave you a tender, reassuring smile.

"You're stupid sometimes, you know that?"

You frowned at that, taken aback. If anything, you weren't expecting that kind of response from him. But it wasn't all that he had to say.

"I could never forget you, you dummy. You're my best friend. You're… You're special to me. And whatever happens, I will never ever forget about you. Okay?"

You looked down at your feet, fleeing his green eyes that seemed to pierce right through all the pieces of armoury you had built around your soul. You nodded, slowly, your throat too tight to speak. But you weren't so worried anymore.

"You're not gonna forget about me either, are you?" he asked, his voice fragile again too.

You smiled one more time, looking up to find yourself trapped in the green hues of his irises.

"Now, you're being the silly one. Of course not. Besides, you'll be back in two weeks, tops. You're not half as charming as you think you are."

"Aren't I?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows in a ridiculous way, making you laugh.

"No, you're not."

As you both fell quiet again, you suddenly seemed hype-aware of Harry's hold on your chin, that hadn't wavered throughout your exchange. He brushed his thumb across the soft skin, making you gasp.

And all of a sudden, there was a shift between the two of you. The air across the room seemed to be filled with electricity, growing denser, and maybe it was why both of you found it harder to breathe. Or maybe it was the way you both lost yourselves in each other's eyes in a way you never had before.

You caught him as he glimpsed down at your lips. You noticed the way his eyes travelled across your mouth, as if he was hesitating, weighing his options. You saw his Adam's apple jumping as he struggled to swallow the lump that was growing in his throat. When his gaze flickered back to meet yours though, both of you could barely breathe at all, your two hearts stomping under your ribcages.

His hold on your chin had become more of a caress than a hold: gentle, brushing of fingertips against your skin, giving you back complete freedom of your movements. Yet, you didn't want to move away at all.

And when Harry leaned closer to you, it was your turn to glance at his lips, watching the two lines barely parted fall towards yours. And when you realized what he was doing, you stopped breathing altogether.

Because Harry was about to kiss you.

But then he stopped, merely an inch or so away, his breath fanning and brushing your lips, warm and staggering, uncertain through uneven pants. And he was absolutely sure that he had never felt anything as intense as this moment in his entire short life.

But he stopped, because it was you he was about to kiss. His best friend. And even if you lived in that special box in his heart, even if, to him, maybe it meant that you were more than just a friend to him, you were way too important for him to take any uncalculated risk. So instead of closing the gap between your mouths, he stood still, in his kitchen under the yellowish light of the lamp, fingers still a little wet from washing the dishes, or maybe it was more because of how nervous he was. He needed to give you a chance to step back and stop him.

So, he blinked a few times, staring at your eyes with a silent question in his green irises. To which you answered by leaning closer to him too.

So… you didn't want him to stop?

He moved his hand up your jaw, cupping your cheek instead, closing his eyes and focusing on how warm the air leaving your lungs was against his face, breaths mingling together halfway between your parted lips.

And you were about to meet when the front door of Harry's house loudly opened.

"Harry! Y/N! I'm home!"

Both you and Harry jumped away from each other as Anne was ruffling in the hallway, probably taking off her shoes and coat.

In the kitchen, you both shied away. The moment had passed, broken, and you both knew that there wasn't going to be any other moment for you to be alone before Harry would leave.

Harry looked over his shoulder, and before his mother would appear, he hurried to take your hand in his.

He seemed frightened, and a little frantic. A little desperate too, still struggling to catch his breath.

"We'll talk about it when I come back."

You stared at him intensely, and he took your other hand in his as well.

"It's a promise. We'll talk about what just happened when I come back, okay? Cause… that… that was a thing. Right?"

"Yeah… yeah I think it… was a thing."

He struggled to swallow, stuttering a little as he let down his armour before you completely, and with a shaky voice asked one more question.

"Will you… would you wait for me?"

You gave him a reassuring smile, and to his hands you gifted a tender squeeze.

"I will. I'll wait for you."

II.

Loch Lomond, 2020

Harry was pretty when he slept.

Not that he was ever not pretty, you reckoned that Harry was a very handsome man in general. But there was something soft in the way he looked when he slept, peaceful, that you really loved.

Maybe it was his parted lips, or the soft sound of air leaving his lungs in a perfectly regular rhythm. The occasional little crease between his brow that appeared and vanished at the rhythm of his dreams. Or the way his eyelids trembled a little sometimes before growing still again, eyelashes perfectly bent in the most graceful curve barely disturbed by the movement at all. Or perhaps it was how messy his hair became as they rubbed against the pillow.

But you could hardly deny that the main reason was that Harry always grabbed whatever he could during the night and held onto it for dear life throughout the rest of the night. To ensure that he would not disturb your sleep – and knowing Harry, probably also because he was worried it would make you uncomfortable – he had hold onto a pillow for the first evening, making sure that he would not end up curled around you instead. And it had worked, the two of you waking up peacefully on each side of the bed.

But not today.

This morning, you opened your eyes to find that the reason why you felt so warm and snuggled up was because you were safely tucked in Harry's side, his arms wrapped around you and his nose almost brushing yours, face resting at the edge of his own pillow, legs tangled in a mess of limbs. A quick glance across the bed revealed that the pillow he was hugging when you went to bed the previous night was nowhere to be seen. You guessed that Harry had dropped it to the floor during the night, turned around, probably wearing across his features a grumpy little pout as he tossed and turned while still mostly asleep, until he found your form sleeping soundly on the other side of the mattress. And then, well, the rest was easy to guess given your current position.

There was a little voice in your head that kept on telling you to pull away. That you should have felt uneasy with your current position. And had it been anyone but Harry, yes, you guessed that you would have been uncomfortable right now and would have freed yourself with little regard for the other person's sleep. But the thing was, it was Harry.

It was Harry all cuddled up around you, holding you close, and you didn't feel uncomfortable at all. You felt safe and warm and taken care of. Because it was Harry holding you. Harry who had always been here for you, since your early childhood. You felt so safe with him all the time after all, this morning waking up in his arms wasn't different. It was safe, the same way you always felt whenever he was around.

It was barely dawn and the orange light of the rising sun bathed the room a colourful hue. It was still quite dark, despite the deep orange shades of the beams licking at the walls. Particles of light were caught in his wild curls, brown tainted with orange, and you spent long minutes studying the changes in the colours, the way the light made his cheeks look a little pinker, the way it seemed to hug his jawline, and was left stranded across his eyelashes and the stubble that coloured his skin. It took all of your strengths to refrain yourself from running your fingers across the swallows tattooed on his upper chest, but you were too scared of waking him if you did so. You couldn't help but stare at them though, the black ink rising and falling with his regular breathing. He was still wearing his cross necklace around his neck, the gold reflecting the morning light. It wasn't the first time that you saw him with a bare chest, and it wasn't the first either that he hugged you without a shirt on. But it didn't stop you from shivering in the best way when he moved his arm around you ever so slightly, his bare skin sliding across your own bare arms. Because you were trapped in his arms, your arms folded between your two bodies, your hands were pressed against your chest. But now that your eyes were settling on his skin again, a little tanned and looking so invitingly smooth, you really couldn't summon enough willpower to not reach across the inches-long gap between your hand and his chest, and you gently rested your palm against his heart. You could feel the organ beating under his skin and muscles, little rhythm pulsing through your skin. Regular, soothing, safe. Just like Harry.

After a long while staring at him, with a smile across your lips you hadn't even noticed, your gaze moved across the room to settle upon the window instead, and you watched the quiet waters of the loch as it reflected the bright gold and orange of the sky. With the trees alongside the shores also covered with autumnal hues, it looked as if someone had painted the entire scene in shades of ochre. It was peaceful, a landscape still barely awake, that only the wind carrying freshly fallen skeleton leaves seemed able to disturb.

You didn't know for how long you had remained like this, staring at the landscape outside, safely tugged in Harry's warmth, when he finally started to stir and wake up. You turned to him again just in time to catch his eyes fluttering open, green irises appearing in the early morning light that fell upon your face instantly, as if they had been looking for you as a reflex. A bright smile appeared on his lips at the sight of your dishevelled and freshly awaken form in his arms.

"Morning," he mumbled, sleep making his voice deeper than usual, raw and warm.

"Good morning," you answered with a smile of your own.

He snuggled closer to you, until you were tugged under his chin, so he could bury his face in your hair, inhaling the addicting fragrance of your shampoo.

You were so warm against him. He could feel your hand pressed to his chest, and the mere touch was enough to set his whole body on fire. Your smell was reassuring, so reassuring, like the scent of something familiar, the scent of an old memory. And he felt so safe like this, with you in his arms. Invincible. Yes, that was the word. He felt invincible, like nothing bad could ever happen while he held you as close as he did now.

Why hadn't he done that sooner? It felt amazing.

His eyes snapped open when the thought finished to form in his mind.

Why hadn't he done that sooner? Because you were just a friend.

He quickly unwrapped his arms from around you, pushing himself away and in his haste to put distance between your two bodies, falling from the bed and onto the wooden floor and the pillow that had grown cold after he had lost it during the night. He let out a loud 'ouch', and when you peered beyond the bed, Harry was rubbing his arse cheek through his sweatpants. And you couldn't stop yourself from laughing at him.

"You alright down there?"

"Oh shut up!" he fought back, looking all pouty and grumpy, and you found the sight so ridiculously adorable that you had to laugh to stop yourself from melting instead.

"Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" you asked a little more seriously.

"My butt and my ego will be equally bruised by the incident for a few days," he replied, but he couldn't refrain a smile of his own as the situation was rather hilarious.

You laughed at that, but grew silent again when he finally looked up at you. He seemed uncomfortable, running a hand in his hair. Embarrassed, even. And for some reason, it hurt to see him react like this.

"I… I'm sorry."

"About?"

"About… how we woke up," he apologized, stumbling on his words and stuttering a little. "I… I must have lost my pillow during the night."

"I had figured that much."

"I… I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"You didn't. It's okay."

He gave you a hopeful stare.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," you nodded. "I mean, you were just hugging me, not much to say about it."

Nothing much to say about it? Then why was your heart still beating this fast just thinking about it then?

"I… you sure you're okay?"

You rolled your eyes at him.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's fine."

"Oh. Okay."

Harry had to admit that he was surprised that you were taking this so… well. As if it didn't have any meaning at all. When he had woken up cuddling you, holding you as close as he could.

As he finally stumbled back to his feet, he had to admit that he was not just surprised, he was also a little disappointed. Because he didn't take the situation as lightly as you did, and that was because…

He pushed the thought away before it could finish forming in his mind. He didn't need to think about this at all. It was all something from the past. He was over it. Had been for a while. No need to think of it again.

"Right. Well, still, I'm sorry."

"You were asleep, it's alright."

"You should have woken me up."

"I… I was barely awake myself, hadn't really processed what was going on yet."

It was a lie, but he seemed to buy it.

"Oh… okay."

"Besides, I've noticed by now how clingy you can be!" you joked, making him chuckle.

"Right… uhm… I'm gonna go take a shower, and then we can go grab a bite for breakfast, yeah?"

"Sure, you can take the shower first."

"Thanks."

And indeed, Harry was grateful that you granted him access to the bathroom first. Because he could hide how much he was blushing in there.

***********************************************************

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fenweak · 4 years ago

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High School AUs

College/University AUs

⭐ A+ fics (imho) | All of the recs

High School AUs

High Scores by popfly ⭐

Kaner is a DDR master, Jonny is ultra-competitive. Bollig just wants to make out with Shawzy.

Dynamical Systems by jezziejay ⭐ - math geek patrick! jock jonny!

Jonny’s plenty smart, but there’s hockey practice just before a double math period every Tuesday and Wednesday morning. He gets to class on time. Physically, he’s there. But his mind is still on the ice. Throw in a kidney infection that keeps him home for two weeks, and Jonny’s struggling. Not failing, but that C is dragging his GPA down, and his mom is making clucking noises. The same noises that mean hockey time is coming up for review.

There’s a note on the student boards advertising tutoring.

promise i'm worthy (to hold in your arms) [One and Only series] - teenage angst and american douchebags ft. ryan kesler

"So come on and give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile."

love is a contact sport by hazel, mermaid ⭐ - high school soulmates!

"And the tragic reality of Patrick's life is that even though they broke up over a year ago, he and Johnny still play beautiful hockey together."

A high school AU, featuring dream-fish, bad movie dates, and a little bit of magic.

Movie Nights or Five Times Jonny Wanted Popcorn (and One Time He Didn’t) by CoffeeKristin

Patrick had only been working at the movie theater a few weeks when a noisy bunch of boys from his high school burst through the doors just before the last showing of Captain America: Civil War and come tumbling into the lobby, whooping it up. He sighed and put down the containers of popcorn he was counting, mentally preparing himself for the asshattery he was likely to endure.

“What can I get you?” he asked the crowd, and true to form, no one was listening so he waited another moment. Finally one of the boys got pushed to the front, stumbling into the counter. “Fuck, Duncs, not so hard,” he said, and oh. That was Jonathan Toews: Captain of the high school soccer team, president of the student council, son of the mayor. Basically, everything Patrick wasn’t.

do it how you want it done ⭐

(very vaguely) grease-inspired high school au.

yeah, i went there.

kissing your honeyed eyes by forochel

The one that's the British boarding school AU.

This Is What A Love Song Sounds Like by fourfreedoms ⭐ - reunion fic but god the flashbacks! the angst!

When he came out after his freshman year of college his mother said she’d always known, and he’d had to fight down the bizarre wave of paranoia that maybe everybody knew, maybe they’d all just been letting him sweat all those years. It was crazy of course, there was only one person who’d known, who had any idea.Patrick Kane.

Ten years after they fucked around in high school, Patrick and Jonny meet back up at their high school reunion.

roll with it by hazel ⭐

The one where a bunch of Blackhawks inexplicably go to boarding school, Tazer is the world's meanest DM, and Pat doesn't know why anyone would think cutting the head off a hydra was good idea.

Light Me Up by sahiya - where they both went to Shattuck!

Being serious about hockey always meant Patrick would have to leave home. For a long time he thought it would be for juniors and a billet family. But things don't go as planned, and he finds himself at Shattuck-St. Mary's.

His roommate's name is Jonathan Toews. He can't keep his water bottles on his side of the room, and he's unfortunately, stupidly hot. Because Patrick's life sucks.

boot theory by mentalistecbm - teen angst, break up

Everyone knows that they're broken up.

glory days by liketheroad ⭐ - soulmate, teen angst

He never expected his destiny to involve anything but hockey, never thought it would show up in flip flops, but when Patrick smiles at him across the locker room, quick and surprised, Johnny lets his priorities shift and change without a hint of reluctance or regret.

There's Only Blood Running In My Veins by mikarala - pwp

Patrick and Jonny are making out in Patrick’s bedroom when Jonny says it. “I--I,” he stutters out, in between a moan, “I want you to fuck me.”

Gold Seeking Ends by liveinfury - Flipped AU

“Wanna go on the tire swing with me after?” Jonny asks.

“No,” Patrick answers.

“Oh,” Jonny says, looking deflated. “What about the jungle gym?”

“Nope."

“Um, okay,” Jonny says, shrugging before walking away.Sam giggles some more. “I can’t believe Jonny, the dirt eater, likes you.”Patrick smirks at him. “Everyone likes me.”

(or Patrick and Jonny meet in the second grade. Jonny's instantly smitten, Patrick is...not. Ten years later, things start flipping.)

Keep Calm and Don't Think of Star Wars podfic by exmanhater ⭐ - A Clueless AU

After I once again assure Abby that Johnny and I are not, NOT related (by googling the difference between half-brother and stepbrother because jesus fucking christ am I am the only knowledgeable one around here?), she agrees to help.

but i can write a song

“We’re not going to be called Jonny and the Patricks,” Jonny says, sounding entirely too put upon about a name that’s clearly awesome.

[or; the high school band au you probably didn't ask for]

lost in brightness - pat, jon and a crowded train

“You’re gonna get caught one day,” Jonny sighs, herding Pat in front of him as they squeeze onto the train, the crowd thicker than usual. It’s been raining on and off, fall well and truly taking the city in its grasp. Jonny’s already looking forward to meeting Pat by his house every morning, red-cheeked and rugged up, his face barely visible between his toque and scarf.

you're mending what's broken - a stats nerd Patrick story

The guy who sits behind Jonny in AP Stats wants to know how many shots on goal he had last Tuesday. Or at least, that's how it starts.

A high school AU featuring stats nerd Kaner and his Tragic Hockey Backstory (TM), without much time or inclination toward actual tragedy. Instead there is discussion of Corsi. And kissing.

Examine Other Beauties by kiwoa - theater kids!

"I," Jonny says, and he slips his headset up from around his neck to nestle over his ears, "am not an actor."

"Good thing I don't need you to act."

"No."

"Jonny."

"Patrick."

"Please?" Kaner cants forward and tilts his face up to blink at Jonny. In the fluttering light that filters in from the stage, his eyes look unnaturally pale. "Just read the lines, okay? I want to see how well I've memorized them."

Jonny scrubs a hand over his face. The motion knocks his mike askew. "One scene."

A/S/L ⭐ - 90s teenaged kids meeting on webcam omg

The internet is a dangerous place, or:

Patrick and Jonny meet, lie through their teeth, and fall in love. Mostly that last part.

Actual Prom King Brandon Saad by popfly ⭐

Patrick might be a little jealous of the new kid.

Sure Brandon is basically the prom king from every feel-good teenage movie Patrick’s sisters have made him watch, but that doesn’t mean Jonny wants that.

Sign it with your heart by tictactoews + podfic by exmanhater ⭐

Patrick loses a bet and is dared to plant an anonymous love letter into a random locker. It just so happens that the locker belongs to one Jonathan Toews, captain of the school hockey team.Meanwhile, Jonny finds himself in need of a math tutor, and following the advice of his teacher, he asks the new kid, Patrick Kane, for help.

a complicated kindness by liketheroad - young and figuring out d/s ⭐

Patrick still remembers how scared Sharpy looked, just for a second there. He remembers not understanding why anyone would back away from Johnny when he was like that, why they wouldn’t want to strain closer, pushing to see how much further he’d go.

What Comes Easy by impertinence - summer camp of angst

Kaner's determined to never grow up; Tazer's determined to grow up as quickly as possible. Over eleven years of summer camp, they learn to meet in the middle. Set in stlkrchk's Camp Quaquanantuck universe.

mathletes are totally athletes by ukiyo91, yukonecho

Mathlete Patrick Kane never thought that when he was assigned to tutor hockey jock Jonathan Toews that he would be swept up into a new sport...or into Captain Serious.

Toews was like the guild leader Patrick had always aspired to be in WoW, but more of an asshole.

i'll be the embrace that keeps you warm by longtime_lurker - huddling for warmth

It is like death, but it is not death; lovelier. / Cold, inconvenienced, late, what will you do now / with the gift of your left life?

Clumsy by CoffeeKristin - a short first kiss fic uwu

“Knock it off,” she hissed at him. “He’s looking at you!”

“Who?” Patrick said, his head swiveling around, resulting in Erica smacking him again. “Hey! Quit hitting me!”

“Then quit being an idiot,” she huffed. “Jonny Toews, you dunce. He’s looking over here, and you’re biting on the string of your hoodie like a moron.”

look around once in a while by achilleees

One man’s struggle to take it easy.

Based off of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” but instead of girlfriends and daddy issues, there’s hockey and pining. And daddy issues.

Summer Lovin' by CoffeeKristin - est. relationship insecurities

Patrick's home from summer camp, and Jonny's first on his list of to-do's. Somehow a little actual angst/plot worked it's way in. But mostly it's just porn.

Ninety-Nine Point Three Percent by jimtiberiuskirk - best friends mutually pining

The problem is, is that Patrick is 99.3% sure that Jonny knows all about his giant, embarrassing man-crush on him.

bring it if you really want it by staraflur - harry potter AU

It starts like this:

Well, okay, Patrick has no idea how it actually starts. But as pertains to him (in other words, the important part), it goes a little something like so:

America, being a nation composed in large part of a melting pot of immigrants who may or may not have taken over land already owned by others using less-than-savory means, doesn’t have much of a magical national identity. Much less a magical continental identity. There’s no grand heritage going back thousands of years. Magical families home-schooled all their kids until, like, the 1800’s, and tough for the muggle-born, apparently. Hopefully you got noticed by someone who knew what to do with you before you got burned at the stake. Since you probably can’t control your powers, sport.

(if you're feeling down) i can feel you up by hawkeytime

"Hey," Patrick said appreciatively from behind where Jonny stood, stoic as always, by the side of the pool. "Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you have a sweet ass.”Or: How Patrick Kane spent his summer hitting on the hot lifeguard with the help of some inspired (read: awful) pickup lines.

kiss and tell by hawkeytime

“Trust me,” Sharpy says, “this will be good for you.”And then, he shoves Jonny into what appears to be a mostly empty coat closet and slams the door shut behind him.

“What the fuck, Sharp!” Jonny calls, pounding at the door which is, of course, locked.

“Enjoy your seven minutes in heaven, Tazer,” Sharpy singsongs.Then, the bare bulb mounted on the ceiling flares to life, illuminating one Patrick Kane.

Fuck.

i know you are (but what am i) by booktubelover7 - always a girl!pat

Pat throws up her arms in celebration after Toews makes a beautiful goal off of Pat’s assist. She crows in celebration as Toews slams into her, shouting in her ear.

Pat’s playing, she’s playing, she’s playing. Not just that, but she’s winning too.When her line gets back to the bench, Pat leans over to speak into Toews’ ear. “Thank you,” she says. Her teammate just turns his head to look at her, a grin spreading across his face.

Love or Torture - a/b/o

Patrick Kane is too short, too Omega, and his heat too delayed for him to play hockey. Jonathan Toews has a plan to bring glory to both of them.

keep buying the stars by medusacascade22- teacher!Jonny

“Fuck,” Jonny groans. He props his elbows up on his desk and lets his head fall into his hands. It’s going to be a long fucking year.

(or, in which Jonathan Toews is Patrick Kane's teacher, and shit gets real.)

College/Uni AUs

cello suite no. 1 - THIS IS ONE IS A CLASSIC 👌

The first time Jonathan meets Patrick Kane is because he hits him with a lacrosse ball.

In Jonathan's defense, he threw a perfect pass to Seabs, who failed to just reach the one or two feet above his head to catch it.

"Oh shit," Jonathan says when he watched the ball arc across the lawn and whack a blond kid squarely between his shoulder blades.

"Heads up!" he calls belatedly.

this is how we do it series by staraflur ⭐ - frat bros AU!!!

He doesn’t think Zeus is supposed to have a sword, but their Zeus does. So now Jonny does, because of course he’s in charge. He looks, Patrick is drunk enough to acknowledge, far better than anyone has a right to in a grody old Halloween costume that’s probably soaked up the butt sweat of dozens, if not hundreds, of Theta-presidents past. Jonny wears it, Patrick gets the sword. Win-win.

AKA that time there was a frat AU (of course).

This Heart Is Not For Wasting by fourfreedoms - oblivious best friends

Patrick puts his head in his hands. “How could this get any worse?”

“Wait, it’s not like, a big deal is it?” Duncs asks, looking at him and Jonny in turn. “The way you and Jonny are weird about each other? She’s gotta have made her peace with it ages ago.”

A college AU.

love song for love songs by boodreaus ⭐ - angst, internalized homophobia

“Right,” Jonny says. “Cool.” He seems to hesitate, pausing when Patrick goes for the door handle, and then, right as Patrick’s bracing himself to run for the house, Jonny says, “You should come.”

Patrick turns back at him and is handed a piece of paper. “To our next show, I mean,” Jonny is saying as Patrick examines what turns out to be a flyer, thick black lettering taking up every square inch of space on the brilliant sunshine-colored surface. “It’s tomorrow night, at the showcase. Feel free to say yes or no or whatever. If you don’t know, it’s cool.”

“I’ll,” Patrick starts, and then stops, blinking up at him. Jonny’s just watching him, kind of, elbow resting on the steering wheel. “Maybe,” he finally says, and Jonny smiles.

yet we will make him run - some more angst, except more erudite

Kaner the English Lit major AU.

Sigma Chi series by hatrickane - frat bros hook up and then angst about it

Jonny and Patrick run into each other at a frat party. Patrick proposes a way to pass the time.

Can't Wait by LouLa - first time pwp

Pat's on a hair trigger.

when you flex like that - hookup in a frat party

Johnny isn’t drunk, but he does let Sharpy and a couple of frat-looking guys he doesn’t even know talk him into a contest of shots. It’s Sharpy’s fault — he appeals to the competitive side he knows Johnny can’t let go of at the best of times, and one of the guys, blonde curls, a lazy smirk of a grin, picks up on it pretty fast too.

Hope you don't mind by haroldslouis

“Oh, sorry, man,” the guy says, giving him a quick grin. “Thought you were someone else.” He taps the visor of Patrick’s snapback and just like that, he turns around and disappears into the crowd.Patrick doesn’t know how long he stands there, just looking at the general direction he disappeared in.

or, 5 times Jonny mistook Patrick for someone else + 1 time he definitely didn't

Room 4 Rent

Patrick stares at the ad for a while, clicking back and forth between the Craigslist page and his fantasy hockey league, chewing on his bottom lip.

3 bedroom apartment near Loyola. One room available, others occupied by two male students. Shared living room and kitchen. Two bathrooms. Rent split three ways. Email [email protected] or call 773-639-7812 for more info. No texts please.

are you buying what i'm selling? - frat party buddies

The Sigma Chi Halloween Bash is in a week, Jonny’s holding two tickets, and he has nobody to go with.

He had a somebody to go with, until that somebody decided Jonny’s student athlete life wasn’t worth hanging around for. Their relationship was already tanking anyway; Jonny’s more upset about potentially wasting a $40 ticket than that shit ending. Whatever.

Just A Spark by heartstrings ⭐ - magical realism!

In a desperate attempt to hide his feelings from the object of his affections, Patrick accidentally drinks a love potion that causes the people around him to fall for him. Too bad it seems to work on everyone but Jonny.

do you know who you are? by liveinfury - frat bros

“Sure, Cap. I’ll try to keep it quiet.” Patrick winks at Jonny. “But be honest, you like the noises I make, huh?”

“What? Of course not!" Jonny sputters. "I’m not gay!”

(or where Jonny can't figure out why he feels so uneasy when Patrick brings guys home to their frat house).

The Great Desk Assembly Project - they were roommates

“I’m going to nail some shit,” he says. “Jonny, come watch me nail some shit.”

“We share a room, I don’t need to watch you nail anything else.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” Pat says with a laugh in his voice. He reaches back behind him and punches Jonny in the shoulder for good measure.

No, It's Not A Secret by SimoneClouseau ⭐ - always a girl Jonny

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your boyfriend. No way, no way. I think you need a new one.

Jehanne Toews is dating a loser. Sometimes it takes a ridiculous awesome young star on the Blackhawks to see the light.

good form - always a girl Pat! ⭐

“Best head of your life?”

“Yes, he was better than you, you competitive motherfucker.” Hayds says it like it’s a joke, like it’s funny, like it’s not the single most devastating thing a girl could say to Pat.

“A hockey bro gave you the best head of your goddamn life? Am I in the fucking Upside Down?”

“Believe it, baby. Jonathan Toews: hockey bro and magical pussy-eating wizard.”

forever i'll try for you and i by staraflur - always girls Jon and Pat!

It’s extra great—whenever Jo’s losing, she always makes like their running point tally competition isn’t real. Tonight’s true to form: when Trish holds up three fingers and points at herself, then two before pointing at Jo, Jo actually scoffs as she pokes at a couple chicken breasts with the tongs, trying to find the best one.

remedial at love - jonny ‘i'm great at math but the math tutor's really hot so i'm gonna pretend i'm not' toews

There have been a lot of things Kaner’s done that could be considered suspect. He chose the Backstreet Boys over Nsync for the Kane Dance-Off Championship when he was 15. He opted to go to Disneyland instead of Disney World for his high school graduation present. He frosted his tips after coming out in 12th grade because he thought that was like, the obvious thing to do until he realized this was not, in actuality, the 90s.

But this one. Calling up ‘Jtoews’ and requesting tutelage in math when he was a fucking wiz at math was -- the most highly suspect of all.

Drink yourself under, fuck yourself over by Mythisea

Jonathan Toews is the sophomore captain of the college hockey team. Patrick Kane recently quit hockey before coming to college.

Jonny thinks Patrick would be perfect on his wing. Patrick would rather be drinking. Jonny does not approve.

Make The Moves Up As I Go by agirlnamedfia - tutor!Jonny with a dash of angst and pining

Patrick has his first Econ 202 class on the second day of the spring semester. It doesn’t exactly go well.

how to make boys-next-door out of assholes series by bessyboo, thisissirius - textfic

Yo man, Sharpy's having a party tonight. You up for it or you gonna be a boring shit and study???

it's only you and me by crystaljules - graduation blues

"We're so fucking stupid."

Overdosed on Confidence by runphoebe ⭐ - fwb, internalized homophobia

“Someone could -,” Jonny starts, breaking off when Patrick ducks down to draw Jonny’s lips against his, kissing him fever-hot and wet and desperate. Jonny’d be embarrassed by how hungrily he responds, but he knows Pat’s into it, moaning unashamedly into Jonny’s mouth when he tightens a hand around Pat’s neck. “Someone could see,” he finally gets out, voice rough, when Patrick pulls back, as if Patrick’s supposed to believe that that’s any sort of protest.

Patrick licks his lips, the hint of a smirk playing at the corners of them in that familiar way like when Patrick's got a particularly bad idea on his mind. “Guess you better be quick then, huh?” he says cryptically, waggling his eyebrows at Jonny. Jonny’s a second away from rolling his eyes and asking what he means when Patrick slithers off Jonny’s lap and onto his knees on the floor beneath Jonny’s table and - oh. Oh.

Silence Gives You Space by liveinfury - pining, misunderstandings

“Have you been avoiding me?”

“’Course not,” Patrick says. “I’m just letting you do your own thing.”

“My own thing?”

“Yeah, didn’t want to crowd your space,” Patrick blurts out. Fuck, he didn’t mean to actually say that.“You’re not…”

“Cool.”

tuck you in - getting together

“You sexiled again?" He smirks and stuffs down the fondness that rolls through him at theway Jonny’s hair is rumpled and a little bit wavy.

Jonny sits up slowly, groaning. “Yeah. Fuck, this is the third time in a week and a half.”

obvious from the start - radio DJs Pat and Jon!

It’s not like Patrick even likes radio, because he hasn’t really listened to anything that’s not on his iPod or his Pandora stations in years, but when he notices the red and white flyer advertising the student radio station on the ground, he picks it up with the excuse that he’s trying to be environmentally friendly.When he played hockey they told Patrick that he was too small, too short to be a hockeyplayer; that he’d never make it because of his size. Hockey is, was, his heart and soul, and he’d put years and years of his life into the one thing he knew he was good at; threw his very being into the best he could be to prove that he can do it, be the best, even if he was small.

Patrick supposes maybe he'll find something else that he’s just as good at.

stupid college boys series by 19trash88 - Jonny is the cute guy from Econ class

Patrick’s not one to wax poetic about a penis, but if ever there was a reason to, Jonathan Toews’ cock would be at the top of the list.

Green Light by heartstrings - friends to lovers

Patrick knows two things: he likes sex and he likes Jonny. If Jonny's newly single there's no reason not to combine the two. Right?

Everybody Wants to Touch Some(body Paragraphs) by Kerfluffle ⭐

Wherein Jonny writes the worst essay ever, and weirdness abounds.

Motivation by somethingnerdythiswaycomes ⭐ - pwp

Only Jonny could keep working on his LIT-110 paper while Patrick was getting himself off next to him. Fuck, but Patrick loved him so much.

Muse series by by somethingnerdythiswaycomes

So Jonny had applied for every damn job he was qualified for, even the "life model" one TJ goaded him into.So Jonny had received an email the next day asking for his availability to come in for a session.So, as it turned out, it wasn’t some random chick that was going to draw him. It was some random dude.

So "life model" apparently meant "nude model."

You Love Me, I Love You Harder So by leyley09 - overly competitive boys on the hockey team

Patrick circles around him at center ice. “Jonathan, my team is going to kick your team’s ass so hard your parents will be embarrassed without even knowing why.”“I’m gonna give you a lesson in goal scoring you’ll never forget.”“Toews, you couldn’t give me a lesson in long distance spitting. Anything you can do, I can do better.”“Oh yeah?”“I can do anything better than you.”

Jonathan Toews is used to be being the best. He has zero clue what to do with competition.

Especially when the competition is cute.

middle ground by boodreaus - college road trip, friends to lovers

Jonny, Patrick, and an excellent adventure.

Who Knew by themistrollsin

Jonathan and Patrick meet after they're forced to go to a party by their best friends (Adam and Brent respectively).

Night Moves by heartstrings - meetcute

After a series of unfortunate drunk events that lead him from falling into a snowbank to being laughed at by the police, Jonny meets Patrick in an elevator.

Ignite My Fire, Object Of My Desire by ThalassicThedes ⭐- theater boys!!!

A good ol' fashioned College Au in which the college itself is hardly even mentioned. Just... make of this what you will.

absolute beginners by heartstrings, thundersquall

That time Jonny walked into a diner and accidentally got himself a temporary fake boyfriend.

Like A Classic - royalty!Jonny

So: due to a series of complicated and improbable events involving some sort of life debt and signed promise from two generations ago, it was decreed that Patrick had to marry the Crown Prince of Canada.

Captain Oblivious by wantstothrill - royalty!Pat

Why would Jonny care about the American royal family visiting his university? He's Canadian. He hasn't paid any attention to Prince Patrick since he was a teenager. He's more concerned with the very hot guy he's just run into, who's name also happens to be Patrick. What a coincidence.

check out the high school AUs tag aaand the college AUs tag @ 1988rebloggedfic!

#patrick kane #jonathan toews #hockey rpf #blackhawks #chicago blackhawks #1988 #1988 fic rec #for any corrections and suggestions DM ME!!!#i think the best part of making these reclists for me is thinking up cheesy names for a theme and creating the banner lol

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alipeeps · 4 years ago

Text

New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)!

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped!

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine.

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy, @arlothia, @howdydowdy, @thepromiseweheldforlife and @the-wandering-whumper!

#meme #fandom #crushes

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heyyyharry · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 13: Stay The Night

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Y/N doesn’t feel safe in her flat, but Harry is too far away.

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N (4-year age gap).

Chapter 12: Ex’s And Oh’s - Their relationship is no longer a secret.

Wattpad link

When Y/N left her flat this morning, she was filled with stress.

She had taken the bus to clear her mind instead of driving to work, but as she waited at the bus stop, she realized it was a terrible idea. She loved mornings in London. The feeling of being just a tiny nobody in the sea of busy strangers rushing off to work made her feel at ease. After yesterday, however, everything had changed.

A group of schoolgirls also waiting for the bus had been staring at her for two minutes now. As their chatter and snickering rang in her ears, she was sure one of them had taken a photo without her consent and posted it on Instagram with the caption: 'I met the bitch who kissed Harry, and she was ugly as fuck.'

Y/N told herself to ignore them, not giving them the satisfaction of being right about whatever personalities they had picked out for her. Besides, there were only four of them, so maybe she was overreacting. She wasn't the center of the universe and didn't walk down the street with that kissing photo glued to her forehead. But unfortunately, that was exactly how she was feeling right now. She envisioned a spotlight shining on her everywhere she went, and even the homeless guy across the street knew she'd kissed the Harry Styles.

It was the longest bus ride ever, even though she'd chosen to sit at the very back to avoid unwanted attention. Thank God, those teenage girls had got off one stop before her, and she was allowed to walk the rest of the way to the bookstore in peace. Well, it had been peace before she entered the bookstore.

"Good morning, Y/N!" Alice and Eddie said at the same when she walked in. Since when did she get a heartwarming welcome for being thirty minutes late? Was she living in a nightmare? Should she pinch herself to wake up?

"So, I was just telling Eddie that I need a new haircut—" Alice started speaking as Y/N hung up her jacket. "I would like it shorter, and maybe I'll have it dyed to match the color of my dress. My cousin Layla is getting married soon and—"

"It's okay, Al. You can ask me anything," Y/N cut her off, and Alice's eyes grew slightly bigger.

"W-What are you talking about?" the girl stuttered as she exchanged looks with Eddie, who was tongue-tied and could only shake his head.

"I know you've seen those photos and read all the things people have said about me," said Y/N. "And because you're my friends. I want you to be honest. Tell me what you think about me. Ask me questions. Just...don't be so weird. I can't take it."

Shifting from one foot to the other, Alice exhaled as her chest caved in. "I-I'm very sorry it happened to you. And...and for what I said about Harry and Ruby being soulmates or whatever. I did-didn't know it was you."

"I'm sorry too," Eddie blurted as he adjusted his glasses. "I mean...I mean, what Alice just said."

"Nice try, dumbass."

"Hey!"

Y/N snorted as Alice gave Eddie the finger. "So you guys believe me?" she asked.

"Of course we do!" piped Alice. "You and Isaac broke up on good term so you're free to date whoever the fuck you want. Fuck those bitches. Believe me or not, I created another account, just to defend you from hate comments."

For a second, Y/N thought she was only joking, but then quickly realized she was not. "You didn't have to, Alice! I don't even read those comments!"

"Yes, I did have to, because you're my friend." Alice's face contorted as she placed both hands on Y/N's shoulders. "I'm so glad it's you, by the way."

To hear this from Alice of all people made Y/N feel much better. She didn't need validation from every single fan of Harry's to feel worthy of her own relationship, but it was nice to have at least one who supported her.

"It's all thanks to you, Al," she said.

"Thanks to me?!"

"Thanks to her?!"

Y/N couldn't help but laugh at Alice's and Eddie's reaction. She answered them with a firm nod. "If last year you hadn't given me those tickets to see the Heathers musical—"

"Wait a minute! You went to see it with him?!" Alice covered her mouth as her jaw dropped.

"Yeah, well, no, we were...caught in the rain so we didn't get to see it. But before that, we were going to see it together. That was basically how it all started. It's—" She rolled her eyes and exhaled. "It's a long story."

"Tell me!"

"Maybe some other time. I'm sure Eddie doesn't want us to—"

"Tell us!" Eddie chimed in, already resting his chin on his palms like a child waiting for his bedtime story. As they continued to chant "tell us, tell us!", Y/N was left with no choice but to grab a chair and sit down with them.

Taking a deep breath, she began, "Harry and I met when I was nine..."

Nine-year-old Y/N was thrilled when Gemma agreed to take her to Harry's football game. It was not only the first time she'd got to see him play, but also the first match she had ever attended. She didn't even know the rules. All she knew was, there were two teams, Harry's was red, the opponent was blue. If a player kicked the ball into the other team's net and the goalkeeper from the other team couldn't catch it, then this team got one point. The team with the most points at the end won. It sounded simple when she put it like that, but she knew it was more complicated in reality.

Gemma seemed to know all about football, but the more she explained, the more confused Y/N got. How could anyone remember all these positions? What did a 'penalty' mean? And what the heck were those red and yellow cards the referee was holding?

Frustrated, Gemma eventually gave up and told her, "you'll get it when you're older."

Y/N knew Gemma didn't mean to hurt her feeling, but her words had done just that. 'Older', she despised that word, yet it was all she wanted to become. Older. Smarter. Prettier. If she'd achieved all of those things, she would be good enough to become Harry's girlfriend. Sitting with her head hung, she bit her nails and pondered the idea. It was only when the parents roared with cheers that she snapped back to reality. She looked up just in time Harry was running toward his teammates and screaming with joy, as the goalkeeper on the other team flopped down on the grass, looking defeated. Their reactions made it clear that Harry had just scored.

"Did they win?!" She looked up at Gemma with hopeful eyes, and the older girl gave her a shrug.

"Not yet, but they're already leading 2-0 and there's only five minutes left."

"So they're surely gonna win?!"

When Y/N received a nod as an answer, she jumped and screamed his name so loud it startled Gemma and a few other parents. But she didn't pay attention to them. Every fiber of her being was vibrating with anticipation and her eyes were fixed on her crush. In her imagination, the other boys started to fade into the green of the field, the spectators evaporated like mist in the sun, and Harry was glowing like an angel.

His team won that day, as predicted. Y/N knew she hadn't contributed even the slightest to their victory, but she prided herself on being his good luck charm. And therefore, Harry would be so happy to see her.

While Gemma was chatting with a cute guy she'd run into, Y/N rushed toward the group of older boys who were heading out of the field. Harry spotted her right away, his face gleamed as he waved his hand in the air.

"You were amazing!" she bubbled. "Gemma and I were cheering so loud for you! I knew you'd win!"

"Thanks, Bambi. I'm glad you came," Harry said as he stroked her head, making her feel so happy she almost didn't notice the other boys.

That was only until she heard them snickering, and one said, "I didn't know you had a little sister."

"No, she's my neighbor," Harry answered with a straight face. And the smile Y/N was wearing slowly withered. 'Neighbor'? Was that all she was to him? Not even a friend? Just his 'neighbor'? Ouch.

"You're hanging with little kids now, Harry? Are you a babysitter?" a fat boy said as he cackled and showed his shiny braces.

"How old are you, little baby?" said the skinny one with red hair and squinty eyes. She should've taken his condescending sneer as a sign not to answer his question, but being the only girl there and younger than them all made her feel pressured to tell them what they wanted to hear.

"I'm nine," she said while fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

All the boys cracked up like she'd just told a funny joke. But the only joke here was...her. They were all laughing at her.

"Hey, that's enough, Jake!"

When Harry glowered at them, their laughter slowly died down. But neither that thin boy nor those who'd laughed at her showed any remorse for picking on a little girl. Y/N hopelessly studied Harry's reaction, a line appeared between her brows as she clutched her hands tightly together. She was waiting for him to ask them to apologize, or at least tell them that she was more mature and probably smarter than all of them combined.

But Harry said nothing about it. He told her to get back to Gemma before she got lost and then walked off with the rest of the team.

That photo. That goddamn photo.

Harry knew it should've been the least of his concern now that there were at least five different shots of him kissing his girlfriend floating around on the Internet. Still, he was sitting here and getting fed up with the photo of her and Isaac at the wedding reception.

They looked happy. Way too happy. If the way they laughed hadn't already driven him up the wall, seeing Isaac's arm tightened around his girlfriend's waist had done the perfect job. It was all he'd been thinking about since last night.

Given a short break between the two scenes, Harry returned to his chair and pulled out his phone to send Y/N a text, but he sat and contemplated at the screen for a long moment. He felt petty when his brain told him to ask her about the photo with Isaac. But his heart, which knew better, told him to avoid talking about any photo. She had dealt with enough of shit on her own, and the last thing she needed was her pathetic boyfriend getting jealous like a hormonal teenage boy.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally typed down a line and pressed send.

⌲ Morning, love! How's your day been? :)

It didn't take too long for her to reply, so he guessed she was on her phone while 'working' again.

⌲ Bambi: So far so good. How's yours?

⌲ Everything's great, except for the fact that you're not here, which sucks.

⌲ Bambi: You're a good liar.

⌲ I'm not! I really miss you! :(

⌲ Bambi: No, silly. I mean...

⌲ Bambi: Niall told me you asked for his thought about the photo of me and Isaac.

⌲ Damn it, Niall.

⌲ Look, baby, it's no big deal.

⌲ Bambi: Yeah? Then tell me what you think about the photo. Answer honestly.

⌲ I think you looked great in that dress.

⌲ Bambi: Harry...

⌲ Okay. Fine. I don't like the way he had his arm around you. And you two looked like a happy couple...

⌲ Bambi: We're not though. I'm with you.

⌲ I know...I'm not doubting you or anything.

⌲ Bambi: You sound like you are...

⌲ I'm not. I swear!

He impatiently drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, and let out a harsh breath when her reply finally popped up.

⌲ Bambi: They were playing a really good song so I got lost in the moment and kept stepping on his feet. That photo was the exact moment when I was about to fall and he caught me just in time. We were just laughing at how stupid I was.

⌲ Oh...

⌲ Bambi: Feel better now?

⌲ Yeah :)

Three dots appeared as she was typing, but they were interrupted by a call from Jeff. Harry had been expecting the call since last night, but his manager had been too busy to respond.

"Hey, man, how's it?" Harry implored as he leaned back in his chair.

"We can't figure out who leaked the photo," Jeff said, his voice was heavily low. "You need to ask her, Harry."

The actor tossed his head back and drew in a long breath. He didn't even want to face Ruby after what had happened the other night, so asking her if she'd leaked the photos of him and his girlfriend would be much worse. But it seemed like he had no other choice.

"Fine, she'll be here any second. I'll try to speak to her."

"Great!" Jeff marveled, but Harry didn't see what was so great about that. He was still full of tension as he tapped his foot and buried his hand in his hair.

"What about the other thing?"

"What other thing?"

"Have you read my text from last night?"

"Oh, that." Jeff huffed. "You can't do that, mate."

"What? Why?"

"You'll draw even more attention to yourself and your girlfriend if you speak up about the issue."

"But people want to hear the truth. They'll stop talking if I just make a post to explain everything—"

"Harry, stop!" Jeff cut him off. "These people won't ever stop unless they forget. You know you can't please the angry mob no matter what you feed them. They're not here for answers, they're here for drama. So they will just turn every word you say against you."

"This is not about me though, this is about Bambi!"

"Bambi? That's her name?"

"N-No, her name's Y/N." Harry squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his forehead. "I want to protect her. She's not...she's not like the others. She's not used to this."

"Then you need to let this go. Don't give people more reasons to hate Y/N."

Harry nodded as he unclenched his fists. "You're probably right...thanks, man."

"Hey, your mess is also my mess." Jeff cackled and told Harry that he needed to go, but if Harry needed anything, he could always ring him up. "Good luck with your Bambi," he said before ending the call, and Harry only gave a chuckle as a response.

The last text he'd received from Y/N was: 'I gotta go. Talk to you later.' So he guessed their conversation was also over. He quickly typed down 'I love you', sent it, and put his phone away.

"Is Ruby here yet?" he heard the director ask everyone as she made her way toward him. "Harry, have you talked to Ruby?"

"No, I—"

"Hold on!" Evangeline held up a finger in front of his face as she checked her phone. "Her assistant just sent me a text. She'll be here late due to traffic. Well, why aren't I surprised?"

Laughing, she sat down in Ruby's chair next to him and snapped her fingers to get his attention. "Hey, you alright?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. He almost blurted out his usual answer to every situation, but nothing seemed to get past the eyes of this woman. "I know no criticism could bring you down, but you're worried about your girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah," he admitted, not knowing why, but he went on anyway. "She's not famous. She doesn't even like the idea of being famous, so this is a lot for her to handle. I just...I wish I was home with her right now. To make her feel safe."

It was the first time he'd openly talked about Y/N to a co-worker, and it felt really nice to be able to get certain feelings off his chest. Besides, he trusted Evangeline. This lady had never worn fewer than three colors in one outfit, and her hats were always much bigger than her head. Right now she was wearing a massive yellow summer hat with extravagant ruffles feathers on the wide brim. No negative comment about it could force her to take it off. She simply didn't care about being judged and had never judged anyone.

"I kept wanting to ask you if you got a girlfriend at home, but now I know," she said and patted him on the shoulder.

"Really?" He snorted, his eyebrows pulled together. "I mean, most people would've assumed I was with Ruby."

"You and Ruby?!" the director gasped as if he'd just said something outrageous. "Hein? You and Ruby don't look happy together. You're just good at pretending like you are in love. I thought you had great chemistry on-screen, but off-screen? Not so much."

"Well, that's a relief." He rolled his eyes and exhaled a laugh. "I'm just so tired of people thinking we're 'a match made in heaven' just because we look good together on-screen."

"What's her name?"

"Huh?"

"Your girl. What's her name?"

"Y/N." Harry smiled as he scratched his nose. He could never say her name without a smile on his face.

"That's a pretty name," said Eva.

"I call her Bambi instead." He shook his head at the memories and laughed a little. "She has...these...very pretty eyes. The prettiest I've ever seen. But they were so sad, and—" The man stopped talking when he saw the way Eva was gawking at him. Immediately, he exclaimed, "oh God, I'm sorry for oversharing. Let's just...just forget what I said."

"Quoi! Please continue! I love hearing stories about love!" she said and clutched her chest. "I'm a hopeless romantic and I think the story of how you met Y/N was beautiful!"

"Thank you." He hung his head, picking at his own nails as his voice lowered to slightly above a whisper. "I care about her a lot. And sometimes, I just feel like...she could be happier without me."

"Doesn't she love you?"

"She does, of course...Very much I'm afraid." He twisted one of the rings on his fingers, eyes on his feet instead of Eva. "She could just have a normal relationship without having to hide, or going online and read the terrible things people say about her that aren't true. I'm trying to protect her, but it's scary to think that...that she should be protected from...me."

Eva was deep in thoughts as she cocked her head and fiddled with her hoop earring. Harry assumed she agreed with him but then she uttered, "you know, you do think a lot like your character Jay."

"How so?" he asked.

"Well, you're in love but your insecurities tell you you're not good enough, and therefore you don't deserve to be in love. That is not fair for sweet Y/N." Eva wrapped one of her curls around her finger and gave a half shrug. "The only thing which is worse than loving someone who doesn't love you back, is loving someone who's afraid to love you."

"I'm not afraid," he said, almost defensively, and she pressed her lips into a gentle smile.

"I know you aren't. But when things get...complicated, and you feel like you should let go, just remember what I've told you today. If you let go, thinking it's what's best for Y/N, you're not doing it for her, you're doing it for yourself, and it's very selfish."

Harry stayed quiet, needing time to let the advice sink in. But before he could open his mouth, Ruby burst into the room and frantically apologized for being late...again.

Eva stood up fast and clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "Next scene in five minutes!"

Ruby was quick to spot Harry from across the room. Instead of looking away when their eyes met, she shot him a smile. This could be a good sign, he thought and rose from his chair. They held that eye contact as he walked over to where she stood, and she didn't wander off to avoid a confrontation. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and crossed her arms. She was finally ready to talk.

"Hey," he said with both hands in his pockets. "How are you?"

"Better than ever. Thanks for asking," she said. Her face showed the opposite of distress, and this time he couldn't tell whether her cheerfulness was fake or real.

"I actually want to ask you about—"

"I know you think I took and leaked those photos, but I didn't," Ruby told him with her head held high. "It was the Declan twins."

"So you knew it all along?"

"Yes," she admitted without pause, keeping her expression neutral. "They did it because they were both bitter that Isaac had turned them down. They were obsessed with him. The only thing I'm guilty of is not doing anything to stop them, because I also wanted to get back at you and the girl."

"Right..." Harry breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose and putting a hand on his hip. He wasn't sure what to do with this piece of information. He couldn't call up the twins and demand them to take down the photos, which had already been shared all over the internet. He couldn't sue them either, it would only make everything worse. He couldn't stop being friends with them, because, well, he had never been friends with them, to begin with, and they obviously didn't care about him. So there was absolutely nothing he could do but accept that fact and move on. Nevertheless, he was glad to have found out the truth.

"Anyway, um, thanks for telling me."

"Wait," Ruby stopped him, making him turn around and blink at her in confusion as she stood there with her lips slightly parted. It took her a second to finally say, "how is she?"

"What?"

"How's Y/N?" She cleared her throat and shifted from one foot to the other while plucking at the cuff of her shirt. "Um...I've read the things people said. Know how it feels to deal with shit like this so..."

To say he was shocked would be an understatement, because this wasn't the Ruby who'd shown up at his hotel room two nights ago. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her like this. He supposed it was a good thing, yet he would need some time to get used to it.

"Yeah, well, I'm taking care of her," he said, giving her a smile.

"You're always taking care of people." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head a bit. "But...at least now it's someone who deserves it, right?"

Harry stilled, not knowing what to say. If Eva hadn't intervened right then, he might've just blurted out something stupid to get rid of the awkward tension.

"Harry, Ruby!" Her thick French accent turned their heads at the same time. The lady snapped her fingers at them. "I need you both! Hurry!"

Breaking into a grin, Ruby hastened to her position. Harry felt a surge of happiness as he watched her start a conversation with Eva. What he saw was the charismatic woman who had enchanted him when they first met. The old Ruby was back, and she was finally healing, this time, all on her own.

Whenever Y/N felt dejected, she would seek for therapy in writing. She would write to kill time and to be distracted, and at the moment, she needed her imagination more than she needed air. She had eaten dinner alone and sat in front of her laptop since 6 PM. Hours had passed and she had written almost three thousand words in total. She was too tired to continue, but not tired enough to fall asleep. So if she stopped now she would lie in bed wide awake and think about all sorts of negative things.

She knew she shouldn't have done what she'd done earlier that day. She had sworn to herself and Harry that she wouldn't go online and scroll through the comments about the photos, but she had. And it was too late to regret it now. She had thought she could sympathize with what Ruby had dealt with. But now that she was in her shoes, she realized she could never sympathize with what someone was going through, until she had to go through it herself.

She'd been teased in school when she was about six or seven. Back then she hadn't got the guts to stand up for herself, so her greatest escape would be going home and holing up in her room, where there was no more invasion of destructive words. Now with social media, the bullying started all over again as you went home and logged on. People were free to share pictures and videos, and one tiny mistake could ruin your life. That was the reason she'd tried to keep her life online and offline as private as possible. She knew what would happen when people knew too much about her. But everything was different now. Those people had got inside her head.

She wanted to tell Harry as he was the only one who could make her feel safe. But she didn't want to make this a bigger problem for him. If he'd known how she was feeling, he would've dropped everything and flown home to make sure she was okay. Hadn't she messed up his life enough already? Besides, he had a movie premiere to attend tonight. He'd been so excited when receiving the invitation, because some directors and actors he looked up to would be there. The least she could do for him as a girlfriend was to allow him to have fun without worrying about her every single minute.

It was 1 AM, and the sound of doorbell woke Y/N from her sleep. She lifted her face from her arms and realized she'd been asleep on her desk for God knew how long. Tired, she checked the clock again to make sure she hadn't mistaken. It was exactly 1 AM. And the unexpected guest rang her doorbell a couple of times more to make it very clear that they wanted to get in. All the people who could pay her a visit at this time of the day would never do that.

She got up, feeling a bit woozy as she walked to the living room and picked up her keys from the coffee table. There were footsteps rushing down the stairs as she headed toward the door. Did that person just...run away?

Y/N's heart was pounding so hard she almost couldn't breathe. She unlocked the door and pulled it open immediately, panting with wide eyes when she saw nothing but an empty hallway...and a box left on the doormat.

She looked to her left, and then to her right, and once she was sure she was alone, she picked up the box and shook it twice. The object seemed to be much smaller than the space within the box, but she couldn't figure out what it was. It couldn't have been a bomb, because who would've bombed her, anyway? So it couldn't be that bad.

And she was right, it wasn't that bad. Because it was worse. It made her wish it'd been a bomb.

The box dropped to her feet as she shrieked and jumped back, gripping the edge of the door so she wouldn't fall. Covering her mouth with one hand, she gulped down breaths to stay quiet.

It was a rat. A dead rat.

The head was flattened. Fresh blood soaked into the fur it touched, matting it together. She noticed an eyeball had been squeezed out and turned away, pale in the face and feeling like she might throw up. She hadn't touched it, but her fingers were already numb. It took her a few seconds to look at it again. Her chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as she read the letters written on the bottom of the box.

GOLD DIGGING SLUT!

Y/N slammed the door, locked it as fast as she could and covered her mouth to muffle her crying. Fighting the weakness in her knees, she dashed straight into her bedroom to get her phone and call the police.

"Don't open the door! No!"

Y/N shrank back into her blanket as the girl in the movie was stabbed to death by the creep in the mask. After only a second of resisting and screaming for help, knowing no one would be able to hear her, her body dropped to the ground, and she laid there like a butchered animal in a waste of blood.

Y/N's heartbeat was racing, nearly exploding as she held her breath and turned to aunt Lynn, who had dozed off a while ago. The babysitter's head was tilted back, her mouth was open, and her eyes were closed. Y/N had never thought sleeping aunt Lynn would be scarier than the usual aunt Lynn, but right now it appeared so.

When the doorbell rang, Y/N jumped to her feet, clutching her chest as she took a few steps backward until her thighs hit the edge of the coffee table.

"Who's there?!" she raised her voice.

Her aunt was still sleeping soundly on the couch. If the person outside were to kill both of them, aunt Lynn would probably die in peace, and Y/N would die screaming like the girl in the movie.

"Who is it?!" the little girl asked again when the doorbell rang for the second time. She gathered all the courage she had left and marched toward the door. "I-I have a...a knife here! I'm not afraid to use it!"

"You have a knife?!"

"Harry?!" Y/N blew out her cheeks as her shoulders sagged. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you," he said. "Just let me in."

She was about to unlock the door but then she cowered back, her hands squeezed into fists against her chest. "How do I know you're really Harry?" she asked, and the boy responded with a soft chuckle.

"Who else would I be, kid?"

"Maybe you're just really good at faking his voice."

"Are you watching horror movies with aunt Lynn again?"

"How do you know that?! Who are you?" she gasped and stepped away from the door, but she could hear Harry let out a sharp breath.

"Don't be silly, Bambi. Aunt Lynn always makes you watch those stupid movies—" he paused suddenly. "She's not there, is she?"

"She's sleeping," Y/N mumbled, now feeling less on edge because this boy sounded a lot like Harry. Still, she needed solid proof in order to trust him. "If you're Harry, then...then tell me something only Harry knows."

"Bambi, come on."

"I'm serious!"

"Okay, okay!" He laughed and his shadow underneath her door moved around a bit. "So uh...you hate green peas but your mother loves them, so you keep it as a secret to not hurt her feelings."

"I love green peas."

"No, you don't!"

"I just changed my mind yesterday."

"Then how could I know if you're only telling me now?"

"Fine, you're right," Y/N breathed as she finally relaxed and unlocked the door.

Harry greeted her with a big smile. He was wearing flip-flops and pyjamas so she guessed he had been ready for bed before he came over. She hadn't checked the time, but she was sure it was almost midnight now. So why was he here?

"Couldn't sleep. Want to talk to you," he answered the question she hadn't asked and stepped into her living room, smirking as he saw her aunt drooling. "Man, she looks even scarier sleeping."

"Right?" Y/N snorted, closing the door and telling him to follow her to her room before they woke up her babysitter.

There they sat on the edge of her bed, side by side. Neither knew how to begin even though they both had a lot to say to each other. And as usual, Harry had to start the conversation. Y/N would never swallow her pride to forgive him before he apologized.

"I'm sorry about the other day," he said while tapping his foot and staring at the floor. "I...uh...I know you're mad at me—"

"Yes, I am," she cut him short, arms crossed over her chest. "I'm also disappointed. But my mum said if a person didn't want to be your friend, then you shouldn't try to change their mind."

"I do want to be friends with you, kid."

"You have friends." She turned her face away and gave a mirthless laugh. "Awful ones. But who am I to judge?"

Harry was quiet for a moment. She wasn't looking at him to see his reaction but she could feel his eyes on her.

"I love hearing you say things. Even when you're upset with me," he said, a smile could be heard in the tone of his voice.

Unexpectedly, he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and she jerked away, making him set his palms down flat on the bed.

"You're the smartest girl I know, Bambi," he said with a timid smile. "Sometimes you're even smarter than me and those boys."

"Sometimes? You mean, all the time."

Her remark made him cackle. "Yeah. All the time." He nodded. "I guess...I was just...trying to make myself seem cool, but it actually made me look like a jerk. So...I'm very sorry. You know I would choose you over anyone else."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Even when the whole world tells you to stop being friends with me."

"Yup." He took her hand and hooked their pinkies together. "You have my word."

"Well then, apology accepted." Beaming, she rose from the bed and pulled him up by the arms. "Now you should go before my aunt gets here."

"Right! My mum would be so mad if she found out I was gone!"

A thunderous boom made the kids jump and scream as they clung to each other. In a blink of an eye, the rain came pouring down like a giant waterfall. With both arms wrapped around Harry's waist, Y/N hid her face into his chest when a flash of lightning blinded her. She knew it was silly but she couldn't help it. She was stuck in adrenaline mode.

Harry stared out of the window, watching the violent wind bending the trees, and he grumbled, "crap, how am I supposed to go home?"

"Then don't!" Y/N blurted, making the boy chortle.

"Are you scared?"

"I'm not! It's just—"

"Just what?" He cracked a smirk, held onto her shoulders and bent his knees to look into her eyes. "What did I tell you about watching those horror movies?"

"If you're only teasing me, then maybe you should go home." She shrugged his arms off and gave a dismissive wave of her hand, but the boy stayed right where he was instead of leaving. Sitting back on her bed, she crossed her arms and lifted an eyebrow at him. "Well?"

"I think I'm gonna stay," Harry said with a shrug. Without waiting for a response, he jumped back on the bed and lied down with his arms folded under his head.

"What about your mum? Wouldn't she be angry?" Y/N questioned as she held back a smile.

"She'd be angrier if I came home all soaked. Might as well just stay here and face the consequences in the morning."

Nodding once, the girl climbed on the bed to lie down on her back, her hands resting on her belly. She closed her eyes so the lightning couldn't bother her anymore, but then she felt Harry inching closer.

"I will protect you," he said.

Y/N turned to lie on her side as she opened her eyes slowly. She found herself mirroring him. His luminous green eyes were so different in moments like these, softer than she knew eyes could be. And she almost drifted off when she remembered what he'd just said.

Yawning, she told him, "the murderer would just kill you first."

"If there was a murderer, then we'd both be dead."

"I feel much safer now. You're doing a good job."

Harry snorted at her sarcasm while toying with a lock of her hair on her pillow. She didn't think he was aware of him doing that, but she didn't say a word, not wanting him to stop.

"I'll protect you from everything else," he went on. "Storms. Bullies. Spiders...Wait, you're the weirdo who loves spiders."

"They're cute. My teacher has one as a pet."

"Your teacher's a weirdo."

"That's...kinda true," she said, making both of them laugh.

"But seriously—" He stopped twirling her hair as his eyebrow snapped together. "I will protect you."

"I know you will." She giggled, clutching his hand and holding it tight.

When another bolt of lightning struck and rumbles of thunder shook the earth, she didn't even notice. Nothing could scare her now that he was here.

"You didn't have to come over, you know?" Y/N said as she locked the door, but Isaac didn't speak. He cautiously looked around her living room to make sure everything was normal. His hair was soaked from the rain and so was his jacket, which he shrugged off and hung on the coat stand by the kitchen door.

She knew no one else to call. Harry was in Paris, her father was in Holmes Chapel, her best friends had gone on their honeymoon. It was only at times like this that she began to see the importance of having more than a few people you could trust. She had never hated loneliness until tonight.

She'd called Isaac only to have someone to talk to. But what she hadn't expected was him driving all the way here in the pouring rain just to make sure she was okay.

"Have the police arrived?" he asked when she came out of her bedroom and brought him a towel to dry his hair.

"You came shortly after they'd left," she said. "They took care of the box, but there was no way to figure out who put it there."

"Have they checked the camera in the hallway?"

"There's no camera in the hallway. The lift here doesn't even work." Y/N covered her eyes with one hand and laughed out loud. She didn't know what was so funny about receiving a dead rat as a gift while living in the most unsecured building in London. But finding humor in a situation like this made her feel less anxious.

For the next fifteen minutes, they were just sitting on the couch and checking their phones in silence. Y/N didn't have anything to check on her phone, but she didn't know what to say to Isaac either. So she ended up looking through the old pics and reading old messages from Harry. She was too scared to even turn off the airplane mode, let alone go online and get bombarded by more hate words. At least those words didn't smell like dead rats.

"Ugh..." she grunted and held her nose. Just the thought of that nasty smell could almost make her vomit.

"You okay, Smiley?"

"I'm fine," she lied, nodding fast. And then the words just slipped out before she could stop them. "Do you think you can stay longer? I know you have to go to work tomorr—"

"I'll stay until sunrise, yeah?" he said without a second thought. "You can just go to bed. I'll still be here when you wake up."

"No, I'll...I'll stay up with you."

"You seem tired, Smiley."

"I'm not..."

She was though. She'd been struggling to keep her bloodshot eyes open ever since they sat down. But Isaac knew better than to argue with her.

"How about I get you a blanket and a pillow so you can lie down here?" he suggested.

She thought for a moment before giving him a nod. Her eyes followed him as he got up and walked to her bedroom. He came back not so long later with a blanket and a pillow, and took a seat in the armchair so she could take the couch. Y/N lied down on her side, facing him with her hands under her cheek. There was a window behind Isaac, and from where she laid, she could see lightning jag across the night sky, ripping it like paper. Quickly, she covered her ear before the loud thunder cracked the air, making Isaac jolt upright.

He chuckled when he saw her grin. "Are you making fun of me?"

"I am, yeah." She nodded, making him screw up his face.

"That's not how you treat your hero."

"Aww, I'm sorry, my hero," she said, pouting at him.

Isaac shook with laughter as he leaned back in his chair. Although he didn't want to show it, he was exhausted. She could see it in the way he stretched and kept rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm.

"I hope after tonight you won't regret being my friend," she murmured, watching his eyes widen.

"No, I love being your friend," he said. But she didn't know how much of that sentence was the truth. She didn't speak, so he went on, "are you going to tell Harry about tonight?"

"I don't know." She stuck out her bottom lip, shaking her head. "He'll freak out for sure."

"Yeah, but you should tell him. Maybe wait until tomorrow."

"Yeah..." She gripped the blanket and shivered when there was another thunder. "I hope whoever sent me the rat got swept away by this rain."

Her random remark got Isaac laughing. "I hope so too," he said. "They deserve it."

"Promise you won't tell Harry?"

"That I was here?"

"No." She shook her head slightly, feeling a lump in her throat as she spotted the frown on his face. "Just don't tell him about tonight. I'll do it myself."

"Okay." He forced a smile. "I promise."

Neither of them said another word, and Y/N couldn't feel her muscles anymore. Her eyelids fluttered as her eyes became heavier and heavier, finally sending her into a dreamless sleep.

When Y/N woke up, Isaac wasn't sitting in his chair anymore. The window curtains were closed for he didn't want her to get blinded by the light. She pushed herself up from the couch, resting her arm on the backrest and looking around to find him. He wasn't there, but his jacket was still on the coat stand, so she assumed he was in the bathroom. She held onto her head, and the memories of what had happened seemed like a terrible nightmare. But she knew it'd been real because she could still smell the rat.

The ringtone caught her by surprise. She muttered a curse word and reached for her phone on the coffee table. It was Harry. Great! She had just woken up, and now she had to improvise a speech to explain the previous situation without freaking him out. She meant to sit and watch her phone ring, but her conscience didn't let her do it. So she let go of a harsh sigh and picked up the phone.

"Good morning, my favorite girl in the world!" he said with a sing-song voice, and she silently cursed him for it. She didn't want him to be so cheerful before she told him a real-life horror story.

"Hey, baby. I just woke up."

"What's wrong? You sound tired."

Fuck, he noticed.

"No, I...well..."

"Smiley, can I borrow a towel?"

Shit!

"Is that—"

"Smiley!"

"Yes!" Y/N almost screamed at Isaac, who was standing at her bedroom door. He quickly caught on to what was happening when he saw her on the phone, so he mouthed an apology and hurriedly went back inside.

"Is that Isaac?!" Harry sounded out of breath. "Why is he there at seven in the morning?"

"Harry—"

"Did he spend the night there? Bambi, please tell me—"

"Fuck, someone was outside my flat at 1 AM!"

The other side went silent. For a second, Y/N thought Harry was gone.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, but with a much softer tone this time.

Taking a deep breath, she kneaded her shoulder and shut her eyes and she said, "someone rang my doorbell at one in the morning. I came to answer it, but no one was there. There was a...a box."

"A box?"

"Yeah, a box...And...and there was—" A dead rat in it. "There was a note in it that said 'gold-digging slut'."

"Fuck," he cursed heavily. If this was his reaction to only the message, she didn't want to find out how he would've reacted had she told him about the rat.

"I called the police and they couldn't do anything about it, so I had to call Isaac. I didn't know anyone else, I—"

"It's okay, baby. I get it, I get it," he breathed. "I don't want you to stay there tonight, alright? I'll phone my assistant. You already have the key to my house so—"

"Harry, I cannot stay at your house."

"—I'll send a bodyguard. You'll be much safer there. I'll call my assistant right now," he said quickly, not listening to whatever she wanted to say.

"Harry!" she raised her voice, at the same time, laughing to lighten up the mood. But both of them knew she was awfully stressed out. "I can't...I can't stay at your house."

"Bambi, don't do this, okay?" Harry hissed, sounding so frustrated that it made her guilty she had brought this upon him. "You're staying at my house until I get back. Just a few days more, baby. Please."

She swallowed and massaged the back of her neck. She didn't want to bother him, but if she'd said no, he would've done something as crazy as gone home to her. She couldn't let that happen.

"Fine, I'll get my stuff," she said at last, blowing out her cheeks.

"Good girl." Her boyfriend sighed in relief. "I'll keep you safe, yeah? Even when I'm not there, I'll...I'll make sure that you're safe. Just a few days more and I'll be home with you and everything will be okay."

"Okay," she mumbled, faking a smile even though he couldn't see her.

When she was a little girl, she would feel safe every time he promised to protect her. But now she feared it wasn't true anymore. There were things that were not in his power. There were things that he couldn't prevent. She could only hope nothing worse would happen in the next few days before he returned. She needed him badly, now more than ever. If only she could tell him that...

#my girl series #harry styles fluff #actor!harry #older!harry #younger!y/n #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles series

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missytearex · 6 years ago

Photo

It’s that time again! I’ve had a lot of free time to read this month, so I think this is gonna be a good one. Here are my favourites!

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Larry

~ you came into my life by disgruntledkittenface | @disgruntledkittenface (57k)

Summary: They stand around talking for a minute and then Jonathan starts to ramble, “Has there ever been, like, an unrequited gay love story in here? Like a Brokeback Mountain moment where, like, someone just fell in love and they didn’t mean to?”

Louis feels bile rise in his throat as Jonathan’s eyes sparkle, pleading for a yes. He manages to look around and see thoughtful looks on his coworkers’ faces before their heads shake no.

“Not here,” Liam says finally.

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

My comment: This one is making it as one of my ALL TIME favourite fics. I completely fell in love with every single character! You can clearly see how Louis gets something different from each of his relationships with the different characters and it is absolutely stunning. Louis’ internal struggle is really well written and I just wanted to give him a hug! Also, I started watching Queer Eye after reading this.

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Lilo

~ Which One Of Us Is Caving by wasp | @apayneinthearse (18k)

Summary: Liam doesn't regret hiring Louis, it's the furthest thing from it. He's clever and quick-witted and he's good with people in a way Liam never was. It's amazing, he's amazing and Liam doesn't understand how he survived so long without him. In the professional sense.

My comment: I reeeeeeeeaaaally love slow burn fics! And I mean Louis as Liam’s cheeky assistant? Perfect.

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Lirry

~ fishing in the dark by countthestars | @moondoggiestyle (12k)

Summary: Liam is the night janitor at a clandestine research facility, and Harry is its best kept secret.

My comment: This story is probably as realistic as you can get with mermaid fic. I didn’t expect to love it as much as I did. It’s so beautifully written and emotional - I actually wanted to cry at some point. This fic is a gift and you should read it.

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Narry

~ by your side by littlervoice | @littlervoice (8k)

Summary: “What does Niall look like?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Zayn counters. Harry can feel him shifting on the bed next to him, moving to sit cross legged as he always does when Harry gets serious. “Because people always talk themselves down,” Harry says. “Like when you told me you’re nothing special even though I have it on good authority that you’re a walking talking god.”

Harry is blind and Niall gets partnered up with him for a project.

My comment: Ok, I have a weakness for disabled characters. And fluff. And Narry. So this was just perfect! Such a fun read!

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Niam

~ These Little Things That Bind Us (orphan_account) (76k)

Summary: All of a sudden, there’s a voice at his ear. “How’re you doin’, mate?” Liam jumps about a foot, but somehow manages to stay balanced on his barstool without spilling a drop of his drink. He needs to calm down if he wants to avoid attracting any attention from Malik and his cronies. Steeling himself, he squares his shoulders and turns to face the voice. And then he actually does spill his drink. All over the shirt of one Niall Horan. Liam lives a comfortable life; he works as a policeman, and his lovely girlfriend has just moved into his flat. However, everything changes when he's assigned to go under cover and gather information about a rising star of London’s criminal under world, Zayn Malik, and his ragtag band of criminals. This band just happens include a cheery, fair haired Irishman who quite literally charms the pants off of Liam and, before he knows it, Liam finds himself facing a choice between love and duty.

My comment: Where do I even begin with this one? I kept getting immersed and forgetting that Liam was actually undercover but then I would remember and the ANGST! Certainly an emotional roller coaster. Stayed with me long after I finished reading it.

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Nouis

~ heart out on my sleeve by temerity (forsanethaec) | @1dgaf (29k)

Summary: After Zayn drops out of Hogwarts just before their last year in Slytherin, Louis is left adrift. In a high-level Charms class tasked with finishing the rebuilding of the castle, he strikes up an unlikely friendship with Niall Horan of Hufflepuff, and learns more than he expected along the way. (A Harry Potter AU set eight years after the Battle of Hogwarts.)

My comment: I absolutely love reading about post-battle Hogwarts. Everything has a different kind of feel to it. Slytherin!Louis and Huffelpuff!Niall complement each other so well and the descriptions of the spells are incredible. Loved everything about this fic!

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Zarry

~ In Pursuit of the Extraordinary by blainedarling | @zaynbastian (31k)

Summary: Zayn is eight years old when he realises that he’s different. Contortion comes as naturally to him as walking does to most people—what doesn’t come naturally is acceptance from people around him. His family find it odd and the children at school think he’s a freak. The closest he comes to acceptance in his time at high school is through his gym teacher, Dave, who teaches him how to train his body and respect his gift; and Harry, a beautifully wild boy he meets by chance at a party who, too, has a secret talent. It's years before he'll see Harry again and find a place where he can excel at his talents.

A Zayn-centric story about the struggles of being different or unusual, and finding family in unexpected places.

My comment: This story was absolutely AMAZING! Reading about Zayn’s struggles was HEARTBREAKING and it made me so HAPPY and RELIEVED when he finally found his home.

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Ziall

~ Maybe It's A Hangover, Maybe I'm In Love by lucy_and_ramona (28k)

Summary: summer fling!au. Niall and Zayn meet at one of Harry's parties, where everyone is excited to move on to the next chapter of their lives. Everyone except them. Drunk and out of their depth, they hook up. They keep hooking up, and attempt to start a casual relationship, only Zayn's definitely falling, and Niall's trying to ignore the fact that he is, too.

My comment: I loved how the relationship progressed in this. How Niall kept wanting to hold back but kind of being unable to help himself. It was just so easy to read.

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Ziam

~ it keeps my veins hot (the fire's found a home in me) by loveontherocks (51k)

Summary: "You think anyone said thanks?" Zayn asks, his voice wrecked and shredded, half whisper, half reminiscent of pubescent teenaged years.

Harry looks at him like he's lost his mind. "Thanks to who?"

Zayn shrugs, finally bringing the cigarette up to his lips, igniting the flame of his lighter. "The firefighters. They're the ones who got us out, right? They're why you and I are here on this couch right now. Right?"

Harry purses his lips. "Dunno. Wasn't a priority of mine, I guess."

It should be, Zayn thinks.

or; the one where zayn survives a fire and falls in love with the firefighter that saved him.

My comment: Firefighter Liam is one of my favourite things! Zayn struggling with his anxiety over what happened seemed so real. And all the pining!! The PINING! Just read it.

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Zouis

~ swing my heart across the line by jarpadsalecki (21k)

Summary: "Louis was trying to come up with all the ways Liam could have died--car crash, he was figuring, but Liam was the safest driver he knew--and ringing up a particularly large order for a thirty-something year old woman and her three kids when a figure appeared out of the corner of his eye. Well, fucking finally he had a bagger. He glanced to his left, hopefully, to see if it was Liam.

It wasn’t."

The one where Louis is the star cashier, Harry is the cafe boy, Niall works in the deli, and when Liam is promoted from bagging to dairy, Zayn from produce is his replacement. Louis is not happy about that.

My comment: This was such a fun lighthearted read! And guys, the scene with the body shots...omg. LOVED these two characters together.

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Gryles

~ The Seaweed Is Always Greener by goseaward (25k)

Summary: The fairytales are pretty clear: Don't go near land. Don't go near humans. Definitely don't fall in love. And whatever you do, don't ask the Sea Witch for help.

A modern-day Little Mermaid AU.

My comment: This was a fun one! Harry’s character is so quirky and Nick just kinda goes along with everything.

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Tomlinshaw

~ Butter With You by driveinbingo | @joekavaliers (26k)

Summary: ”You’ve got egg on your face”, says Louis.

Nick isn’t quite following. ”What?”

Louis rolls his eyes. ”You’ve got egg on your cheek. Looks stupid.”

Nick could be inside with a cup of tea and a scone right now. Nick had thought – perhaps naively - that they were past all this now. That they could go back to behaving like adults.

”Right, I’m not gonna do th –”, is all he gets out before Louis practically launches himself at Nick, mouth first.

Or, the Tomlinshaw GBBO AU nobody asked for.

My comment: I actually want to cry from how good this is. Enemies to lovers, baking angst, BAKING! asdfghjkl READ IT!

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OT5

~ Let It Be Lightning by alexenglish | @queerlyalex (41k)

Summary: Niall Horan made a choice when he enlisted with the Pan Pacific Defense Corps. Leave his family and try to make a difference. He started out as a Jaeger Tech, elbow-deep in the greasy guts of the machines that were supposed to save the world, but here he is, five years later, fresh out of the Ranger Academy with another choice to make:

Assemble a team of Rangers able to pilot two or more Jaegers at any given moment. Interchangeable partnerships, all Drift Compatible with each other. The implications of pulling off this project are astronomical, but at the end of the day, Niall's just worried about how many people are going to end up inside his head.

My comment: Science fiction! Polyamory! Queer themes! What more could you possibly want? I didn’t want it to end. Just amazing.

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And that’s it for this month! I’m starting a course next month so I won’t have as much time to read. We’ll see how it goes!

You can join me on my reading adventure at @niccihoranson, where I bookmark all my 1D fic recommendations!

#monthly favourites #larry #lilo #lirry #narry #niam #nouis #zarry #ziam #ziall #zouis #gryles #tomlinshaw #ot5 #fic rec #my recs #one direction #1d #my lists

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grandraconteur · 6 years ago

Text

Wish You Were Here, Chapter 4

Hallucinations of his dead father had haunted Peter for years. Symptoms of trauma, a child psychologist told his Aunt and Uncle with a well-practiced sympathetic smile on her saccharine face. A natural result from surviving the car accident.

Except Peter just saw his father, and he was very much alive.

With the help of his mentor, Tony Stark, and the mysterious figure, Doctor Stephen Strange, Peter is going to have to delve into new details from a painful history to uncover the truth...

Iron Dad, Doctor Dad, Spider Son, and slow burn Ironstrange.

As always, betaed by the incomparable @merelypassingtime

Please enjoy!

1, 2, 3

Also on AO3

1, 2, 3

Chapter 4: Comfortably Numb (Part 2)

Come on, now.

I hear you're feeling down.

Well, I can ease your pain,

Get you on your feet again.

~ "Comfortably Numb," Pink Floyd, The Wall, November 30, 1979

Around dinner time that night, someone knocked at the apartment door.

Peter was still holed up in his room, May thankfully agreeing to give him more space as long as he promised not to play Spiderman that night. He hardly paid the visitor mind, until May’s characteristic knock on his door.

“Peter? Mr. Stark’s here for you.”

With his advanced physiology, Peter was pretty sure he made some kind of record from his bed to open the door, ignoring entirely the fact that he was still dressed in his pajamas. Mr. Stark jerked back slightly at the abruptness of the movement, but, as always, played it cool and used the movement to appear as if he was looking Peter up and down. “Mr. Parker, dare I say you played hooky today?”

Before Peter could answer, Mr. Stark turned to Aunt May with his version of an apologetic smile, though it seemed far less sympathetic and more for show. “Mind if I talk to the kid in private? Got something important to discuss.”

“You mean like the last time you had to ‘talk privately’ and Peter ended up in Germany to fight a bunch of criminals under the guise of an internship?” She drawled, raising an eyebrow archly and crossing her arms.

“Yeah...that was...extenuating circumstances and kind of urgent. But this is just paperwork. Superhero business. Nothing that will require him to leave the tri-state area.”

“It’s fine, Aunt May, nothing to worry about!” Peter tugged at Mr. Stark’s sleeve, pulling him into the room. “Like he said, just some paperwork. But, you know, private Avengers business-”

“Not quite an Avenger yet, kid. Turned me down, remember?”

“-private...friendly neighborhood superhero business. We’ll be done in a jiffy!”

Before the door could close, May put her hand on it. Looking Peter dead in the eye, she remarked, “Peter...swear to me this isn’t anything dangerous. Because you do not need any more stress right now.”

That pointed look, earnest yet brooking no argument, nearly caused Peter to give in and spill everything. But, he reminded himself, he didn’t know everything yet, so…

He’d spare her, just a little longer.

“I promise.”

The door closed on Aunt May’s dubious and slightly concerned face. Peter leaned against the back of the door, breathing a sigh of temporary relief.

“Well, can’t say it looks like you’ve taken my advice.”

Mr. Stark looked him over with an apparent detached critical assessment that did not quite belie his concern.

“I’ve been doing nothing but homework, Mr. Stark. I haven’t even been Spidermaning this weekend.”

“And yet, you look like the poster image of teenage depression. Probably why Aunt Hottie had a Mayo Clinic page about it open on her laptop when I came in.”

Peter started to comment on ‘Aunt Hottie’ but redirected when the rest of Mr. Stark’s sentence registered. “She did?”

“Yeah. Might help if you got dressed. Seems to fool them. Though I have to say, I am flattered by your show of support. Terribly outdated, though. What is that, Mark VII?”

Glancing down, Peter let out a little eep at the realization he was in the Iron Man pajamas May bought him last Christmas. He crossed his arms across his chest nervously. “Well, you know. They were on clearance.”

“Oh, ouch. Hit me where it hurts, why don’t you? Though I haven’t seen any Spiderman merchandise, clearance or otherwise. ”

With a quick look around the place, Mr. Stark took a seat on Peter’s bed, patting the spot beside him in invitation like it was his own room and not the teenager’s. Fumbling a bit, Peter sat down, running his hands over the tops of his legs in a restless motion.

“So…?”

With an expressive breath, Mr. Stark took out his phone and snapped it forward slightly, producing a holographic image of a file with the Stark logo and a name.

Dr. Stephen Strange.

“Turns out Shield was good for something. I was able to access their archived security footage from around the globe for Friday to analyze, plus I had her scour social media, looking for a facial match or mention of his name.”

Heart pounding in his chest, the hairs on his arms standing on end, Peter leaned forward expectantly. “And?”

“And...well, see for yourself.”

The holographic folder flipped open, revealing several photos.

In the last few days, when Peter couldn’t help himself from fretting about what Friday would find, he’d considered several possibilities ranging from awful (it was a fake, his dad was dead, his dad had a new family that he’d abandoned Peter for) to simply nothing. Somehow, considering anything positive that would suitably explain his absence had given him the sensation of having a rock tucked under his ribs.

After all that theorizing and thought, the Instagram post Tony brought up on the holographic display was not exactly what he’d expected. Still, looking at the man who was clearly his dad...it took one weight off his shoulders and put another one on them. Hot and cold rolled down his body like waves, the contradictory sensations leaving him floundering.

“He’s...”

“Alive, if this and the rest of the footage Friday tracked down is to be believed.”

Peter’s stupor was momentarily distracted as he took in the content of the picture, his brow pinching as he recognized…

“Does that t-shirt say-”

“Yup. Your dad’s a One Directioner. Congratulations, kid.”

Indeed, his dad was wearing a rather loud, pink shirt with “Just Call Me the Future Mrs. Harry Styles” written in a garish cursive. He did not appear to be particularly pleased with his attire, though, a severe frown marring his features that spoke of a man at the end of his exhaustive rope. Beside him sat an incredibly smug looking East Asian man in Eastern style robes with a shaved head and a huge smile, one hand clearly holding the phone up for the selfie, the other pointed at Stephen. The caption beneath the image read “Today, Stephen learned the hard way that betting against me is the ‘Wong’ choice! ;D #Onedirection #harrystylesforever”

“Or rather, Mr…..” Mr. Stark leaned forward, squinting at the hologram. “So-wong-its-right is if you want to go by his Instagram handle. Which is a good thing, because otherwise we probably wouldn’t have been able to prove anything about your dad’s existence.”

Waving across the image, the page turned once again to show what looked like security footage taken from a camera. Not in the United States, though.

“Is that China?”

“Hong Kong, to be more precise. About six years ago. Facial recognition didn’t have any luck finding matches to your dad by himself, but when we found his buddy there, that was a whole new story.” Zooming in, the image focused on his father’s friend, strolling down a crowded street that was so atmospheric you could nearly smell it, some sort of club in his hand. Beside him, his face partly obscured by the tall collar of a bright red cloak, was a man that looked suspiciously like Stephen.

“See those pants and boots?” Mr. Stark zoomed in closer on said articles, the blue robes a similar Eastern style to the other man’s, with the addition of the cloak, the pattern on which looked oddly familiar. Turning back to the Instagram photo, Mr. Stark tapped on what could be seen of Stephen’s pants, the bright blue visible under the pink shirt.

“Based on his horrible taste in clothing and general appearance, we can be pretty damn sure that is also your dad there with this Wong character.”

“From six years ago…”

“Meaning that with these two images, we can already determine that he has been cropping up in places not only unrelated to you, but also since before your little run-in with the genetically modified arachnid.”

Okay, so that was...that was…“Shit...” Peter breathed, running a hand through his hair.

Mr. Stark leaned back, looking at Peter with raised brows and twitching lips. “Such language, Mister Parker.” Though his words were teasing, his tone was mild. “Though, to be fair to you, I think I’d have gone with something a lot less PG-rated after that bombshell.”

Peter mostly ignored him, reaching out to flick through the pages of the file. More images from security footage sped past him, showing similar levels of mysterious circumstances, with Wong and Stephen often appearing in areas that looked like they had recently experienced some kind of attack. And in each one, Stephen’s face was somehow blocked from view, either by the twisting of his body, something in his hands, or his cloak catching an unnatural looking wind.

“There is some weirdness here for sure. According to the archives, all of these locations received a sudden flux in activity-- alert messages, panic response, emergency personnel called to the scene-- and then whatever the trouble was just...vanished, right about the same time these two showed up. All of it. Like nothing had ever happened.”

Crossing his arms, Peter looked over the images carefully, seeking....something. The kind of something you knew was something only once you saw it. “What could cause that, though? And what does it have to do with my dad?”

Mr. Stark exhaled sharply through his nose. Resting his cheek in his hand, Mr. Stark inclined his head to the teenager. “Honestly, I don’t know, Pete. I haven’t seen anything like this. Shield never told the Avengers about it, because according to their records they determined it to be a low-level threat and just kept it monitored. At this point, your guess is as good as mine.”

“But do you have any kind of, like...intuition about it?”

“Nothing good.”

Chills instantly invaded Peter’s spine at his mentor's words. The feeling was close enough to his Spider-sense that it unnerved him some, fearing this was more premonition than normal human response. Either way, Peter’s own instincts mirrored his mentor’s: This was nothing good.

“There’s one last thing you should know.”

Blinking, Peter looked at Mr. Stark, whose face rapidly twitched with different emotions as he looked off into space. “Is this going to be one of those clichés like in movies where I’m going to hate what you say next because it suddenly makes everything a whole lot worse?”

“Oh, no, I know you’re going to love it. That’s why I’m so hesitant to tell you.” Flipping through several more pages, Mr. Stark landed on a close-cropped shot of Wong standing on a familiar looking street.

“That’s the street where I fought the Eldritch Horror! Bleecker Street, right?”

At Mr. Stark’s impressed glance, Peter shrugged one shoulder. “I have an eidetic memory.”

“Impressive, though I was marveling more over the Lovecraft reference. Didn’t know you were a fan of horror.”

“I’m not really, but MJ convinced me and Ned to help her start a group for Contemporary Cthulhu Worship at our middle school.”

“Cthulhu worship? Should I be worried that you three accidentally summoned the something on Bleecker Street?”

“No! We never did anything; MJ just wanted to protest the preferential treatment the Christian Group got.”

Tony raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a long story,” Peter demurred.

“Be that as it may…” Mr. Stark trailed off, motioning back to the hologram. “Friday tracked down several instances of this guy-- Wong apparently-- exiting and entering the same building on Bleecker from some more recent security cameras we…‘accessed’. She found some of your dad, too, albeit shielding his face as he seems to have a habit of doing. Including one just a few days ago.”

On the images dated for that past Friday, Stephen appeared strolling down the block, hands in his pockets and face turned down, dressed as he had been in the footage Karen recorded. The thick red scarf-- which closely resembled the pattern of the cloak in other photos, Peter realized-- wrapped snugly around his neck and concealing the lower half of his face. On the last slide, Stephen entered a peculiar looking brownstone.

“The address is 177A Bleecker Street.”

“You...you found where he lives? ”

“Friday did,” Mr. Stark corrected. “Or we think we did. We can’t be quite sure.”

It eclipsed every expectation Peter had imagined, and he had imagined a lot, especially considering he was supposed to avoid all speculation. His father was alive. Living in Greenwich Village. Living in the same city. Had been for who knows long, and yet…

Suddenly lightheaded, Peter released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and braced himself on his knees. A calloused hand rubbed at his back, Mr. Stark uttering a quiet “You’re alright” that barely registered in Peter’s shocked mind.

In. Out. In. Out... It might have worked better if he couldn’t still hear that order in his father’s voice.

When he did regain some semblance of control, Peter quietly muttered, “Why would you tell me that he lives here?”

“I promised you all the data I could find, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but….you know me. I can’t...I can’t just ignore that. I need to try to talk to him.”

Mr. Stark said nothing, continuing to rub Peter’s back. It was a grounding gesture and Peter focused on it as his mind began to stray towards the rocky shores of fear and self-loathing, left by his father’s apparent abandonment.

“You’re right. I know that about you. But, I also know what it’s like to have vital, life-altering facts withheld from you by someone you trust. Intimately. It’s not a fun feeling.”

“I don’t like telling you,” Mr. Stark continued, moving his hand to grip Peter’s shoulder. “But as I see it, I don’t have a choice, not if I want to be able to live with myself. I’m just gonna have to trust you. And offer to go with you if you do want to meet your dad again.”

“You’d...do that?”

“Better believe it, underoos. You’re my only mentee, and I’m pretty partial to you at this point. Plus, it’d be hell training up someone new.” Mr. Stark ruffled Peter’s hair, continuing, “Not that I really have you trained all that well. Maybe I should start fresh with something easier to train than a teenager. Maybe a goldfish.”

“Mr. Stark…”

“Yeah, I know. No ethical pet store would sell me a goldfish. Guess I’m stuck with you.”

To his shame, Peter felt tears stinging his eye, and he wiped them away surreptitiously on the back of one hand. He suspected Mr. Stark pretended not to notice. “So that means I should probably keep you safe.”

Standing, Mr. Stark moved for the door, grousing as something in his left shoulder popped as he stretched. Peter watched numbly as he did something on his phone, swiping away the hologram and typing into its surface. “I’m sending the file to your computer so you can look through it. If you’ve got any questions, contact me. Day or night. I’m usually up both.”

The older man paused as he grasped the doorknob, looking back at Peter. His eyes held an unusually tender quality as he said, “I really hope you’ll take me up on my offer to go with you. I know he’s your dad, but we don’t have any clue what the hell is going on. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and I’ve seen most of what there is to phone home about.” As Mr. Stark pushed the door closed, he added, “Think about it.”

After he left, Peter sat in brooding contemplation, the image of his father’s brownstone etched into his mind.

***

When he was nine, Aunt May and Uncle Ben formally adopted him. Along with getting full custody of him now that his father was “dead,” the legal proceedings opened up a new possibility.

Changing Peter’s surname.

On some level, he’d wanted to stay Peter Strange. At the time he hadn’t been totally cognizant of it, but now Peter believed his desire stemmed from his need to keep even that small, tenuous connection to his father. Everything back then had been about that.

But Ben and May had looked so hopeful when they suggested it, and the kids at school had taken to taunting him for being the Strange Orphan; the parentless freak.

So he’d accepted, and, mostly, he hadn’t looked back.

There were times since, though, when he wondered if he was denying a part of himself. Or hiding from it. Trying to cut off the part of himself that was a constant reminder of what he was missing, like a phantom limb, there and not there, forever itching but unable to be scratched.

The name had little influence in that regard, really. Significance is in the eye of the beholder, and something like a name can only hold so much power over you if you let it. It wasn’t the name, it was the origin.

It wasn’t Strange, it was his Dad.

Now, if Peter really wanted to be free of that drag, then as far as he could see he had two options. Cut it off the rest of the way, or reattach it.

And there was only one way for Peter to decide which course he wanted to take.

“Hey, Karen,” Petter said with forced cheer as he slipped on the mask. “I, uh, I really need you to do something for me.”

“Yes, Peter?”

“I need you to swear, I mean, swear up and down, invoke any protocols necessary to do it, that you won’t tell Mr. Stark what I am about to do.”

“That doesn’t sound very wise,” she intoned. “It is my function to ensure your safety, and if calling Mr. Stark -”

“Karen, please. I am literally begging you right now, okay? I just...I really need to do this on my own. If I get knocked out, or...or something, then fine. But please, please give me a chance? I need this.”

There was brief silence on the line, during which Peter’s heart beat so furiously in his ears he wasn’t sure if he could have heard the AI’s reply if she made one. Finally, though, she spoke up.

“Direct alarms to Friday offline.”

Brushing at his eyes through his mask (for all the good it would do him), Peter let his body relax just slightly. “Thank you.”

“Please be careful, Peter. Mr. Stark had a point.”

“I know. He always does. And he’s probably right, logically. But this isn’t...”

It wasn’t about logic.

It was about closure.

When Peter heard no more from the AI, he took that as his cue to do this before he chickened out.

Glancing down from the roof of 177A Bleecker Street into the large, open window he’d spotted before, Peter leaped down, swinging into his father’s brownstone.

----------------

Before you all kill me for another cliffhanger, I swear chapter 5 is flowing well and should be out next week. ;)

Speaking of the next chapter...the next chapter is called "Coming Back to Life."

#ironstrange #wish you were here #tony stark #Stephen Strange #Iron Man #doctor strange #spiderman #spider-man #Peter Parker #May Parker #spider son #Iron Dad #doctor dad #supreme family #ironstrange fic #ironstrange fanfic

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vomiting-out-words · 6 years ago

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Boyfriend’s Background Commentary - The Twilight Saga Part Dos

Movie: Twilight - New Moon

Director: Chris Weitz

Cinematography: Javier Aguirresarobe

Budget: 50 million USD

Release Date: November 20th, 2009 (Canada)

Watched: August 30th, 2018

Boyfriend: @shiftaria

Part Uno - Part Dos - Part Tres - Part Cuatro - Part Cinco

After literally taking five minutes to even getting to the movie, due to the boyfriend shitting around and making many references made about my breaks due to the position he got me into, we finally pressed play. Shifter is telling me all about how he barely remembers the movies, and he’s very confused about the opening scene. Very professional. He’s also making the connection between the heavy reference Romeo and Juliet.

Oh, and sexual comment, commenting on Jacob’s long, beautiful hair. Right, it’s Bella’s birthday. Edward is fucking jealous of Jacob… Apparently, Edward is also a fuck boy, which I wouldn’t put past him, mainly because they imaged him that way. Kind of bothered by that since he’s much more respecting. The acting is much better than the first one, at least that’s my opinion.

We have gotten to the wonderful birthday scene by this point. Now, Shifter was really hyped about it due to the Volturi. I mean, Michael Sheen is a really good actor and makes a wonderful addition to the cast. Also, the phase with the painting was beautifully done, and just really makes it a cool way to get the backstory on characters. Now, when the party actually starts, I actually get rather confused. Wrapping paper does NOT cause that bad of a paper cut, and like I get Jasper is still getting used to blood, but like, none of these reactions have happened before. There have to be other times before that moment for Jasper, so why react now? He knows Bella is taken, he’s been around her when she was dying on the floor of the ballet studio. Yet now he’s reacting, what stopped him before? So many questions and like no answers.

Que sad cutscene about the soul and sad music video; while music lyrics are connected to anything Shakespeare related, Shifter is really picking up on that, he has been since the movie started. I’m glad he is, but it seems like the movie got that point across a lot better than the book did, as the book only gave the reader really angsty teenage girl diary for the most of it.

Finally, Edward appears again, like he’s off to a funeral. He tells Bella that his family and himself are leaving, using a very half-ass excuse about Carlisle. Really, Edward starts using emotional manipulation to get her to understand, bringing a real dick about all of it. Oh, and why the conversation has to be so far out into the forest? Great question, Shifter, we honestly have no clue. It was actually really stupid because as soon as Edward leaves, she chases after him, eventually getting herself lost. Would really help if we knew what Charlie was doing during all of this.

Shifter made an excellent point about the camera angles that were used for the goodbye when Edward gave that final kiss. As the angle started normal, Bella’s world felt right, it was perfect, then the angle started to become tilted, showing that Bella’s world was falling about in those very seconds.

“Oh! One pec! And called it!” -Shifter

Now, at this point, we paused because we were having a conversation that all the natives in this movie are from Canada, and it seems to be true.

Fun Fact: Shifter and I are both Canadian.

Back to the movie. We get a really nice time transition, with a really good monologue, showing what Bella was going through, what Charlie was dealing with. Finally, we get back to character conversation, where Charlie is trying to do the proper thing for his daughter. It’s really amazing that Charlie is trying to so hard to help his daughter. He loves her, yet stepping up into full-time father mode, it’s still pretty hard. Charlie will support his daughter in any way he can.

This next scene was really strange, because of ghost!Edward. Like I know in the book Bella is literally going crazy with grief at this point, but doing something stupid and dangerous to invoke those hallucinations should be red flags. Personally, I think it would have been better if Edward actually looked like he was there, rather than like cigarette smoke, kind of made it less of an impact to the movie. Thanks to Jessica literally putting the idea into Bella’s head that she needs to do the crazy shit to invoke an Edward Episode, she gets two dirt bikes, taking them to Jacob, because she needs help to rebuild them.

We once again paused because Shifter pointed out does twilight, a new moon, an eclipse, or the first light of dawn vanishing the horrible night have to do with vampires? Like that’s all werewolf stuff, none of that can be traced back to vampire myths. I actually had to take a step back, quest what this story was even about anymore like none of it made sense. At least now. Really messed up with this.

Ah, the famous age conversation strikes again, it’s interesting, but very unnecessary truthfully. Especially since it started to turn into a cougar joke.

“I am very confused by my teenage daughter. Send help.” -Charlie Swan, 2018 (Shifter)

I really like Jacob being around Bella like their relationship is nowhere as toxic has her’s and Edward’s. It’s healthier for Bella too. Jacob is a really great person as well. Shifter needed to point out that when Jacob and Bella were driving that is was really old school Hollywood, something I never really paid attention to before. Anyway, more backstory about Sam and a bit about why Jacob is really paranoid, well, bothered by him. It’s a good way to get information since the movie was getting to the point where it would be picking up its pace due to oncoming conflict about plot movement. Jacob and Bella ride bikes, Bella gets her Edward Episode, only to hurt herself, which leads to Jacob becoming shirtless, which was very welcomed by myself since these wolf boys are very good looking and a lot more character development than any of the vampires, at least in the movie, both parties were given equal development in the books, and you knew more about them.

Anyways, with Bella spending time with Jacob, she’s becoming more human again. With that, she’s becoming social with her friends again, even planning a night to the movies with her friends. Only for Bella to be stuck between Mike and Jacob, who both have a thing for her. Though, Jacob, he makes a move, even understands her. Only Mike to return and somehow gets under Jacob’s skin.

We actually all know why.

Bella is once again in distress, trying all her options to get ahold of him until she finally just drives to his house, in the pouring rain. Now there is Jacob; short hair, tattoo, and no shirt. Very hot. And Bella accuses Jacob of breaking up with her, fine choice of words, Bella. They exchange ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ conversation, but Jacob is really worried about hurting Bella due to seeing what can happen if he loses his temper in front of Bella. All of this leads to Bella coming up with the bright idea to travel out into the forest to the field. Not safe at all.

Seriously, it’s a terrible idea considering she runs into Laurent, who came to Forks on a favor to Victoria. Bella can’t lie to save her life either, almost leading her to get killed once again. The only reason she was saved this time was huge ass wolves, that everyone decided to think were bears, even Angela mentions about them a few scenes back. Bella rushes home to tell Charlie and Harry is over. It’s very clear that Harry knows about the wolves, so he agrees to help Charlie.

That very same night, someone comes knocking at her door, well, window, and it’s Jacob. Who really is trying to tell her what is up, and the kicker is; as Jacob verbally says on screen, Bella already knows. Thankfully, it only takes her a night to sleep on it, with a really fucked dream to go along with it all. Cut to her bargaining into the Black Household, needing to see Jacob, only for her to find Jacob sleeping. All seemed well with the world until her eyes locked onto Sam Uley and the others showing up. Storming out as Bella ‘Fight Me’ Swan towards them, yelling, even going as far as to slap Paul Lahote; who fought back, Really dumb on Bella’s part, almost leading to herself getting killed again, under twenty-four hours. Embry Call and Jared Cameron take Bella back to Emily Young’s house; Sam’s fiance. Emily has a really bad scar on the right side of her face due to Sam accidentally losing his temper. The pack is rather welcoming of Bella, Paul even apologizes to her once he returns from fighting with Jacob.

Now, it’s finally known why Victoria keeps coming to Forks, the only issue, the pack never knew until now. This leaves the movie to show what is going on when Bella decides to go cliff diving a few days later because she needs her Edward Episode. Only issue is, Bella doesn’t pay attention to the condition of the ocean. And considering Victoria jumping into the water to get away from Jacob earlier, not surprising that Victoria sees Bella in the water. Que Bella hitting her head and start stinking.

“I thought Edward’s power waw to read other's mind, not Force Projection.” -Shifter.

“Oh! Sexy McWet!” -Shifter @Jacob

How Jacob found Bella is something I totally forgot from the book, but sadness; Harry Clearwater is dead due to Victoria. Now, Jacob is really starting to open up to Bella about all of this, telling her about Sam and Emily. They almost kiss, I might as well scream because Jacob is so much better than Edward. Just Bella is stupid and doesn't listen to Jacob when she sees Carlisle’s car, because she’s going to take the risk. And surprise, there is Alice, making Bella really lucky, because it could have easily been Victoria as well. This is where the viewers find out that Alice can’t see past the pack. Oh, and Jacob doesn’t give a shit about rules and there’s apparently something totally between Jacob and Bella- Oh, wait, phone rings. Great, cockblocked again and Bella, you fucking suck.

Road Trip to Italy, to save the asshole that is an emotional manipulation, but whatever. Alice also steals a car and speeds, all calm, like nothing is wrong. There’s Bella in the passenger freaking the fuck out because they only had five minutes. Skip to Bella literally telling Edward that she can let him go, so just let her go, Edward! In comes, the Volturi, who are all wonderfully cast, and Shifter clearly has a boner for Aro; who is played by the wonderful Michael Sheen (I wouldn’t stop writing his name). Just the Volturi is beautiful, and very well played. This entire scene is just masterfully done, it suits such an old coven that is the government of all vampires. Also, Michael Sheen speaks beautiful Italian.

I literally don’t speak Italian, so this is just my observation. It sounds like he’s been practicing it for years.

Then surprise, Bella is in bed, back home in Forks. Edward is back, I am just upset, he could have just let her go, the Volturi wouldn’t be marking the Cullen’s down in their black books. They even go as far as to put Bella’s immortality to a vote, really torturing Edward, which he deserves. Sadly, Rosalie is the only one who’s said no. Kind of wish that more of them said no because Bella deserves so much better. Thank god Jacob is a no too, but he’s so wounded. Bella, you damn bitch.

Also, HOW IS A PROPOSAL A GOOD WAY TO END A MOVIE?!

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queenofthyme · 7 years ago

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November Third (part eight (b))

@o0o-chibaken-o0o you asked for it. you got it.

bingo l part one l part two l part three l part four l part five l part six l part seven l part eight (a) l part eight (b) l updates to come..

Only Pansy would arrange gatherings on school nights. She said it was because the teachers would be much less likely to expect students to be partying on Monday nights, so they were less likely to be caught. Which, Draco supposed did have some merit to it. But the main reason was clearly because Pansy didn’t seem to need as much sleep as everyone else, and liked to laud her morning perkiness over the rest of the year as they walked between classes like zombies.

Draco would have much preferred to stay in bed all day. Anything to avoid Potter, and regain some sleep. But he was supposed to be good this year. And he really needed perfect grades if he was going to land a job after school. He didn’t have the same extracurricular activities as Potter to include on his resume. What was he going to say? Disgraced Death Eater?

So, it was with great reluctance that Draco dragged his feet to his first class, charms, a class he was all too aware he shared with Potter. He arrived early as he had skipped breakfast - it would have been too much of a temptation to stare across the Great Hall at Potter - so he had his choice of seats. The back row was the easy option - he might be able to get a sneaky nap in - so he settled himself in for a nice relaxing class of not dreaming about Potter.

That turned out to be impossible of course. Draco should have realised November third was not yet finished. The seat next to him was snatched up, rather boldly, by Harry Potter. Which could really only mean one thing - Potter had questions. Only this time there was no veritaserum to force them out.

Draco ignored Potter as best he could - although Potter was not making it easy. Surely, he didn’t have to sit that close, and surely he didn’t have to keep fidgeting and shuffling in his seat, and SURELY he didn’t have to try and pass notes to Draco. Were they suddenly back in first year or something?

Draco just kept on pushing the note back across the table without reading it, and Potter would slide it right on back. But Draco couldn’t read it. He didn’t want to deal with this conversation now, the aftermath of the humiliating (but admittedly heavenly) scene last night. Potter would want to know things. And Draco had already revealed too much.

However, just like Draco, Potter was a stubborn bastard, and it didn’t seem like he was going to give up on the note situation anytime soon. So when he leaned into Draco’s ear and whispered, “Just read the fucking note, Malfoy,” Draco gave in.

He picked it up with an irritated sigh (so Potter would know how much of an inconvenience it was for him) and reluctantly read Potter’s scribbled note. He snorted. The note had one word:

So…?

He looked over to Potter so he could fix him with a scowl, but couldn’t quite get his face to participate upon witnessing Potter’s own expression. He had a stupid smile plastered on his face, far more endearing than it was annoying. And it was very annoying.

Damn it all. Draco picked up his quill and started to scribble his own response back - bringing up his other hand to cover the parchment when Potter tried to read over his shoulder.

So what, Potter? If you’re going to start a conversation with me, can you at least give me something to work with? Your note is so pathetic that you’re lucky I’m even responding at all.

Draco knew he was probably being a bit too harsh, but it was the only defence he had to fall back on. He couldn’t give Potter any slight evidence that pointed towards his true feelings - otherwise he might as well confess them at the top of his lungs.

Potter’s note came back to Draco quickly, and Draco had to read the contents through several times while his brain short-circuited.

You’re lucky I’m good at blowjobs.

Draco must have gaped too long, because Potter snatched the note back and added another line.

Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to distract everyone last night. Where did you go anyway? Zabini said you weren’t in the dormitory when he returned.

Relieved he wasn’t on veritaserum and didn’t have to answer that question, Draco deflected.

I didn’t know you and Blaise were friends.

Potter didn’t fall for it.

Nice try. Where did you go?

Why do you want to know?

I have a theory. And I’m hoping it’s true.

What’s your theory?

That you took care of your…problem.

Draco considered denying it. But how was he was going to back that one up? He was a teenager. Of COURSE he took care of his fucking boner. How was that even worthy of a theory?

So what if I did?

Did you think about me?

I’ve always thought you had a big head but this is particularly narcissistic of you, Potter.

That’s not a no.

Potter just wasn’t letting Draco have his deflection today. When did he get so perceptive? Or had he always been this way, secretly noticing Draco’s behaviour and reading him like an open fucking coffee book? Shit. That was so like Potter.

What do you want to hear? That your amazing hickey giving skills gave me a big raging boner and I jerked off to the thought of you being as obnoxiously talented with your tongue around my cock as it was on my neck?

Yeah. Basically.

Fuck you, Potter.

I had to…you know…sort out a problem too. After.

Draco only let himself read the note twice. He didn’t want to pause for too long and look like he was picturing Potter...sorting out his problem. Which he totally was.

Did you think about your own stupid tongue on your cock, Mr. “I give rather good blowjobs”?

Um. Of course not. Malfoy, are you jealous?

Why would I be jealous that you’re obsessed with your own cock?

Are you jealous that I’ve given other people blowjobs?

Yes. But Draco would never admit that.

No.

I am good, you know.

Wow. Did you need help deflating your head, Potter?

If you don’t want one…

Draco had to have been reading the note wrong. There was no way Potter was offering to -

Wait. What are you suggesting?

Just say yes, Malfoy.

Oh merlin, he was. For once, Draco didn’t consider the consequences or the implications of his answer. He dropped his quill to the parchment immediately.

Yes.

Draco hadn’t even passed the note over yet, when Potter slipped off his chair to his knees.

“You didn’t mean now?” Draco whispered urgently to Potter. He couldn’t seriously be intending to give Draco a blowjob in the middle of class.

That endearing smile returned and Potter tapped his head with his wand by way of response - his body disappearing to a transparent glimmer. Potter was going to suck him off. In the middle of class. Under a disillusionment charm. This could not be happening.

Draco looked around the class, only just now taking in how close everyone was. There were students directly in front of them. If Draco leaned forward, he could touch the back of Susan Bone’s head. And Potter was just going to suck him off. Right here and now.

There was Professor Flitwick, perched on his tower of books, looking right at them. Well not right at them, he clearly hadn’t seen Potter’s slipping manoeuvre, but he was facing them.

It was all so risky.

And yet, as Potter would surely discover soon enough, Draco was already hard.

Draco almost jumped when he felt Potter’s hands on his knees, gentle and timid, slowly gliding up a little further along his thighs, as if testing Draco’s level of comfort.

Well, Draco had tried playing it cool and he’d already failed quite drastically. Agreeing to a blowjob from Potter was certainly not a great way to pretend disinterest. So he didn’t think he could make things any worse.

Which is why he allowed himself to take a hold of Potter’s hands where they rested on his thighs, and pull them straight up to his own crotch. If he was going to get sucked off in class, then he wanted to get sucked off in class ASAP. Yes, he was eager. He was so fucking pathetically eager. So eager that he didn’t have the energy to be self-conscious when a chuckle travelled up from beneath his desk at the action.

Potter was laughing at him. And Draco didn’t even care. Because he was about to have Potter’s tongue on his cock. And even now, he had Potter’s hands working the buttons of his pants, and good grief, he didn’t know how much longer he could wait to -

“Mr Malfoy, where’s Mr Potter?” Draco, looked up at Professor Flitwick’s voice, his face immediately flushing.

Potter was currently under the desk peeling back Draco’s underwear.

“He left one of his - “ Draco felt the coldness of the room as his dick was exposed - “uh-uh-uh books in his dorm, Professor. He’ll be back - “ and there it was, no hesitation, Potter’s tongue - “s-s-s-s-soon.”

Professor Flitwick seemed satisfied with that response (thank Merlin!), leaving Draco to finally appreciate the magic that was happening to his cock. Potter hadn’t even put it in his mouth yet, the fucking tease, he just kept running his tongue up Draco’s length with a torturous flourish when he got to the head.

Draco could hardly believe any of it was happening. Ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of class, this was Harry Potter. Harry Potter’s tongue on Draco Malfoy’s dick. After years of fighting and, at least on Draco’s part, pining, they had come to this. And Potter had initiated it. A good deal of Draco’s arousal stemmed from just the thought that Harry Potter wanted to suck his dick (and the rest was undoubtedly from Harry Potter’s tongue itself).

But then, Draco got to experience Potter’s entire mouth, tongue included. And he realised Potter’s head wasn’t so big after all - or at least if it was - it was completely justified. Potter wasn’t just good at blowjobs, he was fucking mind-blowing.

And Draco was supposed to just sit there in class, and not make a sound? Not make a sound when under the desk, Potter was taking him to heaven? It took all of Draco’s strength not to whimper when Potter’s mouth closed around his entire length for the first time. How was that even possible? Potter had to be cheating. Draco didn’t know how, but it was the only logical reason for why Potter’s mouth could reach all the way to the base of Draco’s cock, over and over again.

He may have been able to hold back his whimpers - just barely - but Draco couldn’t do anything about his breathing. It had to have been giving him away. What other explanation could there be for why he was panting at his desk? And sweating. He was sweating too.

Everything was too obvious. Why didn’t people know? Why weren’t they looking? Draco wanted to scream at the top of his lungs: Harry Potter is sucking my cock! How can you not notice this? But luckily he wasn’t so drunk on the pleasure that he’d lost his common sense. Just his ability to concentrate on anything but the sensation of Potter’s mouth.

Potter was devouring and releasing Draco’s cock with a steady rhythm now. It felt like he was goading Draco to come, daring him to give in to it. Draco could already feel the beginning of his orgasm spreading its way through him, his entire body tightening in anticipation. And then Draco was gone. Floating far away from the tiny little classroom in a world of absolute bliss. It didn’t make sense that something that seemed so dirty could result in a feeling so pure.

Draco came back down slowly, taking in his surroundings and realising, shit. He’d just gotten off during a freaking Charms lesson. But the next realisation made up for it - Potter had gotten him off.

He was suddenly aware of his pants being done back up by invisible fingers beneath him. Wait. He’d been so focused on his high, he didn’t even know if Potter had, you know, swallowed his come or not. Which wasn’t really important of course. But now that Draco thought about it, he really wanted to know. He really wanted to know.

Potter popped back up into his seat not much longer afterwards, his disillusionment charm removed. Was it Draco’s imagination or did his hair look even more disheveled than usual? And his lips were bright red, so obviously bright red. Oh merlin, everyone was going to know when they saw Potter’s face. Everyone was going to know that he’d just sucked cock. Fucking Merlin fuck.

Potter wasn’t looking at Draco - he was facing the front of the classroom, pretending to pay attention - although he clearly wasn’t because there was a scandalously cheeky smile on his face. Good grief, Potter.

Draco’s mouth was dry. “Did you swallow it?” As soon as he’d asked it, he wished he hadn’t. It sounded childish. It was a stupid question. Potter must have thought so too because he didn’t answer.

But a second later, he licked his lips.

Fuck the rest of the year. Why couldn’t it be November third every day?

Bingo progress...

@o0o-chibaken-o0o you can applaud yourself now since you were right. you got THREE right. You could just write this fic yourself. (yes?)

So, since this is so easy for you now, I’m sure you’ll be able to guess the next tile/s! (piece of cake right?)

Also it’s 1am++ on a work night. If I fall asleep at work, I’ll just tell them I had no choice - I was up late writing smut. (lol can you imagine?)

#drarry #o0o-chibaken-o0o #birthday #november3 #queenofthyme #silent eggs

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