#as a teenager I did get called a butch all the time but like today I'm not consistent I own women's clothing might be seen in a long skirt

[envolvenuances]

honestly I think that black teenage girl who I'm pretty sure is a lesbian opening a huge smile a day I came to teach in masculine clothing and telling me it made her so happy to see "adult women who looked like her" will eternally be one of my favourite experiences in education

[mediumgayitalian]

“Piper?”

“Here.”

“Damien?”

“Here.”

“Clovis?”

No answer. Nico reaches over and pokes him, hard, and the son of Hypnos startles awake long enough to manage a garbled, “Present!” before nodding off again. At Chiron’s nodded permission, Connor procures an airhorn from what appears to be thin air, grins, and blares it right next to Clovis’ face. He shrieks, flailing off the chair, and would have slammed his face in the ground if Nico hadn’t caught him by the back of the shirt.

“Thanks, man,” he says, yawning.

Nico hauls him back upright, patting him on the shoulder. “No problem. I’m gonna let you fall next time.”

Clovis eyes him warily, shifting at Nico’s too-wide, sharklike grin.

“Noted,” he mutters, sitting straight to try and stay awake. “Jerk.”

Nico pats him on the shoulder again. “There, there.”

Chiron continues with the attendance.

“Butch?”

“Here.”

“Miranda?”

“Yep.”

“And…” Chiron sighs, peering through his reading glasses. “Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one…” He glances down at his clipboard, slowly tapping his pen on the edge of it. “Where is Will?”

A groan ripples through the gathered campers.

“Just start without him!” someone shouts, sinking into their chair.

“He always takes forever!” another person agrees.

“Almost like he’s busy running the infirmary that keeps us all alive,” Lou Ellen says drily, but her one vote of confidence is drowned out by several dozen other voices, all complaining.

Before Chiron has to deal with too much of a coup d’état, the rec room door creaks open, and Will comes strolling in after it, ignoring the heaps of boos and launched ping-pong balls at his tardiness. The beam of sunlight from the one dusty window seems, suddenly, to become a great deal stronger, highlighting the blonde of Will’s hair and strengthening the gleam of his easy grin.

“Perforated artery,” he explains cheerfully, settling down in the one empty chair. “Rogue Ares cabin mine went off. Had to do emergency surgery.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth does he kick off his flip-flops, curl up in the rickety wooden chair, place his head on the nearest shoulder — Pollux, this time, who rolls his eyes affectionately and shifts to be more comfortable — and immediately starts snoring.

“Well,” says Chiron after a moment. “Let’s begin.”

“Wait,” Clovis complains, “how come he gets to sleep?”

Instead of answering, because there is no delicate way to say because he’s my favourite and I am a giant hypocrite, the centaur moves on. He gracefully avoids the various mutterings and calls for mutiny, instead running through the usual cabin check-ins at the speed of light to delve into the more interesting — and therefore distracting — things, such as Personal Grievances. This portion of monthly head counsellor meetings is Nico’s favourite, because he gets to sit back, be silent, and watch a bunch of teenagers yell at each other for his own personal amusement. On especially great days, he communicates with Connor through a series of complicated hand gestures to coordinate betting pools. Today, he is up seventy-two dollars. (Did he throw the pool by betting against himself and then inventing a fight with Chiara? Yeah. Did he cut her a deal for halfsies beforehand, making this technically fraud on two counts? Yeah. Can anyone prove it? Absolutely not. Suck on that, Stoll. You wanna be beat at your own game any day of the week? Nico’ll beat you at your own game any day of the week.)

As he’s accepting three dollars from a huffy Nysa (obviously the physical altercation count was going to reach six, c’mon, doesn’t she pay attention to these things), a hoof stamping the ground makes Nico jump.

“Boys,” Chiron says tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose, “that’s quite enough.”

Both campers immediately burst into louder arguments, continuing to flail and smack at each other as their voices get more and more raised and illegible.

“Boys!” Chiron stamps his hoof again. This time, they fall silent, staring at the old centaur with flushed, guilty faces. “Sherman, get Malcom out of that headlock. Malcolm, we are not building a pig pen in the dining pavilion so the Ares cabin can ‘eat in an environment more suited to their mannerisms’.” He pauses, nodding in acknowledgement. “As funny as that was, it was entirely inappropriate to say. Apologise at once.”

“My throat is too bruised to do so,” Malcom grumbles.

“My throat is too bruised to do so,” Sherman repeats, mockingly. “Gods, it’s like you’re asking for me to jump you.” At the immediate catcalls and jeers that follow, he reddens, hastily shouting, “Like mug! Jump like mug him, guys, like beat him up! Shut up! Shut up, or I swear I’ll —”

“Sit down, boys,” Chiron says, banging his hoof again. “For Hera’s sake. It’s like you want to embarrass yourselves further.”

Nico snickers with the rest of the counsellors as Sherman and Malcolm return to their seats. In their desperate attempt to separate from each other to assure their status as Heterosexual, Guys, Please, they manage to bump into each other, losing their balance and collapsing on a heap on the floor, more tangled than before. Predictably, this makes the flailing worse, which is unfortunate for them and their misery but a source of great entertainment for everyone else. Among the hooting and hollering and camera flashes, Chiron sighs, putting his head in his hands and muttering something about teenagers and being too old for this shit. Or something.

“If everyone’s quite done,” he says finally, ignoring Connor’s quip about how he could watch a few more minutes, actually, “I would love for this meeting to end. I have to do something that doesn’t involve teenagers for several hours. All of you exhaust me.”

“Except Will,” Sherman says petulantly, scowling at the still-sleeping medic. Pollux, who by close proximity has become endeared to the human disaster (Nico knows the feeling; he’s still convinced Will has weird powers that mess with one’s oxytocin levels by virtue of smiling as there is no way that someone so annoying can be so simultaneously endearing), glares somewhat protectively.

“Sh,” he hisses, at the same time Chiron says, “If the rest of you spent less time trying to kill each other and more time trying to fix the consequences of said attempted murder, I would be more lenient.”

Lou Ellen speaks up. “Also, Will has that whole cute, can’t-stay-mad-at-me thing.”

Various campers nod and mutter in agreement.

(Nico knew he wasn’t the only one.)

Nyssa clears her throat. “If we’re ready to return back to the actual meeting, I have a point of discussion.”

Chiron nods, gesturing for her to continue.

“The vans are breaking down,” she says bluntly. “Again. Because they’re, you know, older than everyone in the room.” She glances at Nico, frowning. “Well, except for him.”

Nico sniffs haughtily. “Youngin’s, these days,” he says, shaking his head disdainfully. “No respect for their elders.”

Chiron raises a bemused eyebrow. “…Indeed. Nyssa?”

“I need parts again. Preferably from that place in Virginia? They don’t ask questions and price fairly. That would be best. Only I need the van to go get the parts, so. You can see the conundrum I’m in.”

“Easy fix with the chariot,” Chiron decides. “Can someone wake Will?”

“Gladly.”

“Without the airhorn, Connor.”

“Aw. I’m not doing it, then.”

“How tragic. Pollux?”

Gently, the son of Dionysus taps Will’s cheek, shaking him until he blinks awake.

“I was totally paying attention and I think we should go with the second option,” he says, yawning.

“Not asking you to settle a debate, but nice try,” Pollux says.

“Well, shit. That one usually works.” He flicks still-tired eyes around the room, smiling when his gaze rests on Nico. Nico rolls his eyes, willing down the heat to his cheeks. Judging by the teasing edge Will’s grin takes, it does not work. “Whattaya need, then?

“The chariot,” Nyssa says. “Vans are breaking down again. I need a part from a shop in Roanoke.”

Will straightens. “Like, now?”

“In the next day or so, yeah.”

“There’s a strawberry delivery on Saturday,” Miranda pipes up. “So sooner rather than later.”

Will nods. “Yeah, that works. Hell, I can probably be back by —” he checks his watch — “late tonight, honestly. Just gimme the part number and —”

“I kind of meant that I could go,” Nyssa interrupts, looking at him strangely. “I know what the part looks like. I just need to borrow the chariot.”

Will presses his clasped hands to his face, inhaling deeply.

“I would absolutely love to lend you the chariot blessed by my father who has gone totally silent,” he begins, in a tone that makes Nico think that he would not, actually, absolutely love to lend out the chariot blessed by his father who has gone totally silent, “only that the last time I lent someone this super important chariot it came back in pieces.”

“I remember.” Nyssa levels him with a look. “I fixed it.”

“Exactly! So you appreciate how much I would like it to not be broken. In fact —”

“Alright,” Chiron interrupts, holding up a hand. “You’ve made your point, Will, the errand is yours. Choose a buddy to lower the chances of you dying and check in before you leave.”

Predictably, this choice is not well-recieved. Because why would things be easy?

“Totally not fair,” Sherman protests, the loudest of all complainers. “Will’s no less likely to break it just because his cabin thinks they own it —”

“Finish that thought and I will curse you in twelve different ways for the next eight months, Sherman.”

The Ares counsellor snaps his mouth shut, sensing the new, hardened edge in Will’s voice. “Noted.”

“He’s got a point, though,” Damien hedges. At Will’s glare — boy, is that chariot a sensitive topic, Nico is noticing — he holds his hands up, shrugging his shoulders. “We draw straws for small errand-quests, Will, you know that. It’s not fair that you just get to call dibs.”

Will takes a long, slow breath, fingers pressed to his temples. When he looks back up, his expression is flatter than the entirety of the Midwest, jaw set and eyebrow raised. He narrows his eyes, contemplating, then clearly comes to a decision, nodding to himself. Everyone watches with bated breath as he climbs up to stand on his chair, folds his hands together, clears his throat, and says, voice carefully controlled, “Who can guess how many surgeries I’ve done in the last week?”

For a long moment it’s so silent that Nico can hear every rustled shirt as people fidget, every aborted cough and uncomfortable swallow. Will’s eyes are piercing, and he takes the time to stare at every individual counsellor until they meet his eyes, squirming, and look immediately away.

Nico’s impressed. Sometimes he forgets how godsdamn rigid Will’s backbone is.

Finally, someone offers a guess.

“One?”

“Try four,” Will corrects, smile more like a bare of teeth. “I have not had a circadian rhythm since I was thirteen years old. I sleep when I can. And yet, somehow, you clumsy fucks manage to near kill yourself at the exact moment my subconscious even considers approaching REM sleep, every single time, and then I get to spend my next several hours piecing your sorry ass back together by hand, since hymns barely work right now. If I have to see another surgical pin I am going to stab it through someone’s eye. Am I making a point?”

No one answers.

“‘Cause I can make it clearer,” Will drawls.

“No need,” Chiron says hastily. “The quest remains yours, so long as there are no further objections.”

Wisely, no one speaks up.

“Perfect. Nyssa, if you’ll stay behind with me to iron out some details, everyone else — dismissed.”

The tense air immediately evaporates as people practically spring out of their seats, sprinting for the door. Nico is among the last to leave, having to stay and stop several fleeing demigods to collect his wares. On his way out, a heavy arm slings over his shoulders, and he’s suddenly enveloped by the intoxicating scent of lavender body wash and pure sunshine.

“Get off me, Solace,” he complains immediately, coming up to wrap his hand around Will’s forearm in the guise of shoving him off. Will is entirely unfazed, holding him tighter.

“But I have a proposal.”

“Take it elsewhere.” He ducks out of Will’s hold and sweeps his legs out from under him, sending him sprawling with an oof. Unfortunately, he doesn’t look any less sunny and smiley from the ground, somehow making it work for him, actually. He settles against the soft grass, sighing, hair fanning out like a golden halo. He pats the spot next to him, eyes fluttering shut as he basks in the late morning sun, and Nico swallows roughly, joining him.

“You wanna come with me to Roanoke?”

“Yes,” Nico says automatically. Will grins, and he flushes. “I mean, I guess if I have to. Loser.”

“Ever so grateful, Neeks.”

“You should be.”

He keeps his voice prim and superior, attempting to uphold his image, and since he is delusional he convinces himself he’s successful. Will, though, is entirely undeterred, lazy smile still on his face and arms stretched above his head, the picture of unbothered. A sliver of skin shows where the hem of his shirt rises and Nico ignores it. He doesn’t even glance at it, or the glint of Will’s belly-button piercing, at all. Nor is he aware of Will’s shorts riding up, or the curve of his calves as he crosses his legs. All of these things go unnoticed. Obviously.

“I have a proposal for you, if you’re done checking me out.”

Nico shoves his flaming face in his knees. “Did you know that in all the corners of the Earth I have been to, I’ve only encountered three things uglier than you?”

Will’s grin only gets wider. His eyes, even, start to get squinty as the force of his smile squishes his cheeks. Entirely unsubtly, because Will is the least subtle person alive, he reaches out and sends a wave of calming energy into Nico’s body, slowing his rapid heart rate.

“…Right.”

“Three things, Solace.”

“Of course, of course.” He removes his hand, graciously allowing Nico the space to breathe and remind his lungs that their job is not voluntary. “I’ll come pick you up in a half hour? Wear a jacket.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Nico pauses. “Yes.”

“Stellar.”

“God, you say such nerdy things unironically. How do you have friends?”

“I dunno.” He gets to his feet, brushing the dirt and grass from his shorts. “You tell me.” He leans down and presses a smacking kiss to Nico’s hair. Nico presses his fingers into his eyeballs until they hurt, screaming silently into his palms.

He waits until the smacking sounds of Will’s stupid flip-flops retreat before braving the world outside his little ball of misery, squinting at his retreating form.

“I think I should get a lobotomy,” he says out loud to himself, because, realistically, if his braincells are already spilling out of his ears like loose quarters every time Solace so much as smiles at him then there’s not much to lose, is there? and stomps off to his own cabin.

Out of spite, he chooses the New York Giants jacket he got from Percy, just because he knows Will hates it.

That’ll show him who’s bossing who around.

Totally.

———

next

[redinkofshame]

Some late night ramblings Re: gender and toddlers bc I can't sleep.

I mentioned a while back that my kid's pediatrician asked if he could tell boys from girls and how much it upset me, like, can you?? (<-- I regret not saying it. I should have.) At the time I said no, he thinks everyone is a boy.

I soon realized I was wrong; he doesn't think everyone is a boy, he just only knows/uses he/him pronouns. Boys are he/him, girls are he/him, inanimate objects are he/him. I've been working on it with him every time he gets it wrong (but it's not working at all)

Ignoring for a minute that I don't particularly like that my 3yo can correctly (or as correctly as anyone else) say 'that boy won't play with me' or 'that girl took the ball'... (Like, how can he tell? They’re just kids...) Even though he can't grasp pronouns I'm glad that he's exposed to gender neutral on a regular basis thanks to the librarian that does toddler time at the library, Mx. Jude. I feel like it's scary to tell parents your proper pronouns because so many people are shitty but I'm glad they did. I guess I should write a comment card or something? Or is that patronizing?

I've been working on my own pronoun use, too. I try to remember not to assume and to use neutral terms unless I know otherwise. Kinda hard to unlearn a lifetime of cis stuff but I try. Sometimes I mess up in my head at work -- hard not to make assumptions when speaking with a nurse named Angela -- but I (think) I always remember when leaving a note saying who I spoke to be neuter about it. 

It’s already paid off. Kiddo is in swimming lessons and his teachers rotate all the time so I was introducing him to the week’s teacher. I don’t know if I would have caught myself if it wasn’t easy to see that the teacher was wearing clothes that came from a different department than their AGAB but it slowed me down enough that I remembered to use a they/them, despite my brain telling me I could just assume their gender and sexual preferences based on a glance. I’m really glad I did bc when I tell you their eyes just LIT UP and being called they/them by a new parent. 

So much so even my mom saw it, I think. Or maybe she picked up on me continuing to use those pronouns when talking about them later? I don’t think I ever mentioned them again though. I do know that I saw mom use the correct pronouns weeks later when we saw them again, in that way where she had to slow down before she said it to remind herself to use they/them. I know it’s a struggle for her. It’s hard to re-learn! She’s very good about Mx. Jude in front of kiddo but sometimes will slip when talking to be about them. 

I probably slow down the same way, though I try not to. It doesn’t come naturally yet. But I’m glad that I’m working on it. And I’m glad people from my mom’s generation are too. 

I grew up with Fox News playing like 24/7, except when we were in the car: then it was Rush Limbaugh. I believed all the rhetoric. But occasionally something someone said would seem Too Unfair to me, and if was coming from my mom I would say so. One time a butch woman (I think. Who knows.) was spending, like, a long time primping her hair in the Target bathroom. Mom muttered something like ‘she’s spending an awfully long time on how she looks for someone who doesn’t care how they look.’ and I was like ‘who says she doesn’t care?? Just because YOU don’t like women with short hair doesn’t mean SHE doesn’t like it. You don’t know she cut it just to say ‘fuck you’ society.’ (though, now that I’m older and wiser, more power to them if they did. I also like to imagine they were getting ready for a date or talking to a cute cashier.)

She used to say It’s okay to be gay but they shouldn’t be *married* they can just have ‘civil unions’. It took me YEARS to stop believing that, but when I did I found an excuse to bring it up again so I could say something about it. 

And folks? It worked?? Like I didn’t notice at the time. I don’t think she really responded either time and the subject moved on. But even she still remembers that time in the Target bathroom because it left such a ‘o shit the kid’s right’ imprint on her, and it’s made her think about some things more critically.

But now we’re at a point that my mom will text me about how my kiddo loved playing with Mx. Jude today, just casually in a text. I didn’t even know where she learned that Mx. was a thing. She didn’t learn it from me.  (I’ve since gathered she probably learned it from the teacher.) I’ve never really talked her much about gender outside explaining why some people go with bi and some pan and some other ones out there. 

Which! Side note. When her teenaged nephew came out as bi to her sister, and then the sister talked to mom about it, mom was able to explain ‘just because someone’s attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean it’s always all genders equally; sometimes it is, or sometimes people will still have some preference to girls or boys but are still bi’ because apparently of all the things I said to her about it that one was like a lightbulb for her. I have no idea why it mattered in the conversation tbh, only that she later said she was happy that she understood that now, thanks to me. 

I hope this isn’t patronizing to mom, and I don’t want anyone to think ill of her bc she’s super amazing and caring and works so stupid hard for this family. But it’s just great to see that other former Fox-News watchers can just learn to teach themselves to be progressive. 

(Dad’s changed a lot too but not in an anecdote-able way, not as socially, so idk how to describe it. Definitely thinks more critically though.)

 One more before I resort to sleep meds I guess. My cishet BFF just informed me that her spouse is a transwoman. She’s wanted to tell me forever (like 6 month I think) but they weren’t out about it yet and it wasn’t her place to tell, all I knew was that her and spouse were in therapy about something she couldn’t talk to me about yet. 

I focused more on her reaction to it when I was talking to her, because I know how much she hates secrets and has wanted to talk to me about it and I wanted her to tell me all the things she’s been holding back. And also their family’s reactions because they suck. (The reaction is that everyone thinks her wife is going to hell, even the wife’s mother.) But the first thing I asked was how to spell her wife’s new name. 

When the conversation was over and I had her permission to tell others I informed my spouse and mom, because they also know my BFF and might talk about her spouse and I didn’t want them to accidentally misgender/deadname her. 

My mom’s first question was how to spell her wife’s new name 😂 (and then if she was using she/her pronouns or smth else).

Idk. It’s exciting. I’m happy for all you funky little queer folk. I’m sorry my ass is taking so long to catch up. I’ll make sure my kiddo is better than me. Forgive him for misgendering over half the population currently (and most inanimate objects).

[asian-hero]

i was wondering if i could do a mina x fem!reader where the reader is pretty butch and is friends with mainly the guys; however all of them still think that she likes guys, so they are all trying to set up todoroki (who has no clue on what the guys are doing) with her, until one day they see them talking in a cafe and they think that they’re actually together, until one of them sees/hears her gushing over mina with big brother todoroki paying for her coffee because f endeavor’s credit card ❤️❤️

A/N: I’m glad that the entire fandom collectively agrees that Todoroki would absolutely steal his father’s credit card to buy the dumbest things

Maybe I’ll write a part two where the reader tells Mina how she feels

Summary: The guys of 1-A, while they absolutely owned your heart and you’d do anything for them, all collectively shared a total of three brain cells, and most of the time it was either Bakugou or Iida who held them. So, while you thought it was clear that there was a certain pink haired girl you were crushing on, it somehow got lost in translation, and instead you were set up with a red and white haired boy instead.

They were so close.

Words: 1,970

Ever since you were little, you always found yourself gravitating towards your male classmates versus your female ones. It wasn’t as if you had anything against the girls in your classes, no, it was quite the opposite, in fact. You were just so enamored by them that it often rendered you speechless, so instead of trying to overcome your slight fear of a woman’s rejection, you instead sought comfort with the male students, and then it just became natural for you to gravitate towards them instead. 

By the time you had enrolled in U.A. practically nothing had changed, you were the same girl-avoiding woman you had been growing up, but at least now you knew why you were so infatuated, yet so afraid. On your first day in class 1-A, you immediately found yourself drawn to a nerdy green-haired boy and the seemingly strict glasses wearing kid. It only took a few minutes for you to become fast friends with the two of them, as you and Midoriya found yourself geeking over pro heroes and reading his journal with all of their stats. Iida, while not quite sure how to react to having two extreme pro hero fans, merely watched as you and Midoriya talked a mile a minute about every hero on the scene currently, who your favorites were, and who’s quirk you’d like to switch with for a day. It also didn’t take long for you to be introduced to Uraraka Ochako, though it took much longer for the two of you to become friends. Not because she was hard to get along with, but because she was just so cute that you were having a hard time forming any coherent sentences. You did get past it, eventually, but the two of you knew that you weren’t as close as you and the other two boys.

As you had progressed in your class, gaining more control over your quirk, you also had progressed in terms of how many friends you had gained as well. Shortly after the first week of class, you had somehow managed to be caught in Kaminari, Sero, and Kirishima’s little group, though you mostly acted as their mom and made sure that the three of them didn’t end up of the receiving end of a certain blonde-haired porcupine’s explosive quirk. 

Shouji, Ojiro, Tokoyami, and Sato were also quick friends of yours as well. Though you didn’t hang out with them much, you always knew that you were welcome to hang out with them and just have a relaxing time. Sato had even baked you a few things as the two of you got closer, and now you were currently his sole taste tester when it came to baked goods. 

You did try to befriend Mineta, but quite honestly, you’d rather take Bakugou’s anger issues and insults over the tiny boys perverted stares and attempts to touch you. Thankfully, Bakugou also recognized this as an issue for you, and even though he’d deny it to his dying day, he’d make sure that the perverted boy was never within six feet of you.

The most surprising friend you’d made, and the closest one you had, was the one and only Todoroki Shouto. How the two of you clicked was a mystery to the both of you. With his cold, aloof attitude at the beginning of the school year, and your rather boisterous personality, the two of you had formed some sort of mutual agreement to never speak to one another, both because Todoroki didn’t have the mindset of wanting to make friends, and you didn’t have the mental capacity and patience to deal with that boy without smacking him. However, shortly after the sports festival, he found himself sitting near Midoriya, formerly his only friend, which also meant that he was sitting close to you as well. After a few weeks of awkward silence between the two of you, you finally tried to start a conversation, hoping that your love for pro heroes and maternal personality would make him feel more at ease with you. While it worked to an extent, what really drove Todoroki to becoming your best friend was when you had accidentally let it slip that you didn’t really care for Endeavor, and before you could even attempt to take back what you said, Shouto told you he felt the same, and soon after the two of you became what seemed like the anti-Endeavor club. Instead of the two of you feeling awkward during lunch, you two had actually found yourself ignoring the rest of the group unintentionally, instead lost in your own conversation. 

It was also safe to say that you did have relationships with the girls of 1-A as well, though they were more superficial than the ones that you’d made with the boys. You always made sure to exchange pleasantries with them in the morning, and you made it clear that if any of them needed someone to talk to, they could always reach out to you. Other than that, though, your friendships with them weren’t quite as deep as they were with the boys.

This didn’t stop them from caring about you, though. Even though you never hung out with them, they always made sure to pay close attention to you and your needs, in case you ever needed them.

So, it truly couldn’t be helped that, upon further inspection, they had come to the conclusion that, because you spent so much time with him, you were absolutely, one hundred percent without a doubt, in love with Todoroki. 

It seemed obvious to them, as why would you spend so much time with the boy if you didn’t feel anything for him. You were always smiling around him, and you were one of the only people in the class who could get him to laugh and smile like a regular teenager. They didn’t even think that he could do that! So, in order to be the perfect wingwoman for you, Ashido, Uraraka, and Hagakure decided to plant the seed into some of the boys’ head, more specifically, Midoriya, Kaminari, and Kirishima’s heads. While the first had acted as he normally does, with a flustered look on his face, the other two had some of the most devious smiles you had ever seen. 

Not long after, all of the boys, minus Todoroki, had been let in on your little “crush,” and they decided to hatch a plan to get the two of you together. 

They weren’t subtle by any means, in fact, if you and Todoroki had more than one braincell shared by the two of you at any given point, you both probably would’ve recognized what your classmates were up to. Unfortunately for the both of you, while you were book smart, you were rather dense when it came to social cues, so every obvious attempt made by the other boys went over your head. You did start to pick up on certain things though, like how whenever there was a partner project, everyone would automatically push you towards Todoroki, saying that they already have a partner. Or when the two of you were sitting together at lunch, Midoriya, Iida, and Uraraka “conveniently” forgot to tell you that they weren’t able to sit with you, leaving you and Todoroki to eat by yourselves, not that you minded. 

The most obvious way that the boys attempted to get you two together was whenever you all had hero training, whether it be in rescue or media, if there was a way that they could get you partnered together, then you better believe that was what they were planning. 

Around the tenth time the boys had tried to set you up once again, only to fail miserably, as the two of you genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, and were about as smart as a brick. They were all so close to pulling out their hair, and before they could just call it like it was, Kirishima was the “voice of reason:”

“Those two already hang out a lot as is, right? Maybe they’re dating but they’re hiding it from us, so we should see if we can tail them,”

While most of the boys were agreeing to tail the two of you, with Iida going purely to put an end to any chaos they could cause, they missed the way you were wistfully sighing, and the way that Todoroki was trying to hold back his laughter at your love sick attitude. They also missed the way his eyes lit up with mischief as a certain pink haired girl walked by, waving at the two of you while holding back her pleased grin. Or how you immediately punched his shoulder to get him to stop from doing anything that would embarrass you more.

So, once school had let out, Kaminari, Kirishima, Midoriya, Sero, and Iida had followed closely behind you and Todoroki, hoping that the two of you would do something more interesting than just walking back to the dorms.

Luckily for them, the two of you had planned to head to one of your favorite cafes, just a little ways away from the campus. Blissfully unaware of the eyes glaring holes into the backs of your heads, you carried a pleasant conversation, talking about the training from today, and how both of you thought the other could improve. As you headed into the cafe, the stalkers you had acquired waited a couple of seconds before going in after the two of you, hoping that you two would keep being ignorant of your surroundings, for at least a few more minutes. 

They couldn’t help but be amazed at the sight in front of them: with your arm wrapped securely around his, waiting in line as you pointed out all of the options you thought he’d like. Once the two of you were up to order, Todoroki had ordered for the both of you, and even paid with a shiny credit card that they were sure wasn’t his. Kirishima thought it was rather manly of him, whereas Kaminari was impressed that Todoroki could be “suave.” As the two of you sat down at one of the tables, they were starting to believe in Kirishima’s little theory before they heard you talking about someone else:

“Did you see how cool Mina looked during training today?” You sighed, resting your face against your palm as you stared off to the side.

“‘Mina?’” He teased, sipping on his drink and enjoying the way you seemed to grow embarrassed, “Since when were you two on a first name basis?”

You hid your face in between your hands, mumbling out a quiet “shut up.” He couldn’t help but laugh, leaning in to flick your head.

“You should just tell her you like her, I don’t see the harm from doing so,”

Your head shot straight up, sending a non-threatening glare towards the boy in front of you, “I can think of so many things that could go wrong. One: she could not like me, and then tell the rest of the girls in the class and get them all to hate me,” You took a minute to shove two fingers into his face, “Or two: she could just not like girls in general, and I could make her so uncomfortable that she’ll never want to see me again.”

“You are the most dramatic person I’ve ever met,”

“Well clearly you’ve never met yourself.”

As you both continued to bicker back and forth about your huge crush on the pink girl, the four boys, who were sitting right behind your table, found themselves dumbfounded. Kaminari turned towards the rest of the group, a puzzled look on his face.

“So, she doesn’t like Todoroki?”

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

I came out as trans half a year ago - and I decided that’s a good time to share my coming out story with you! Some of you have been asking about it over the last few months and I am now in a place where I can comfortably reflect back on it.  

Before we start, I quickly want to say that this is not a “How to come out” guideline. The decision how and when to come out is deeply personal, there’s not the one right way to do it. What worked for me may not necessarily work (or feel good) for you. This is just my personal story. 

The first person I “came out” to was my therapist. I put that in brackets because by coming out to my therapist, I also came out to myself. We talked about my issues and over many sessions, it just became clearer and clearer to us both that many of them were related to my gender identity. 

During one session, I said something and he replied “If we cut off the “But” in your sentence, you just said “I am a man”. Have you heard the term transgender before?” and I just sat there like “Oh! Yes.That’s how I feel.”. It was just one of those lightbulb moments. I knew it before - but actually hearing someone say the word trans related to my experience just gave me the push I needed to allow myself to know it. 

He offered to call me by a male name and he/him pronouns to see how that feels. I chose the name Oliver - and I loved it! It felt so much better than my birthname and she/her. And yet, I decided to never tell anyone about that. I would secretly identitfy as a trans man but I would just keep that to myself, I thought. I can be Oliver in my head and in the therapist’s office and be my birthname everywhere else. Easy-peasy, no need to make a fuss and actually come out to anyone, right? It’s just for fun anyway.

Well, when I look back, I knew it wasn’t just for fun. But I was scared how the people in my life would react. I was scared of having to make a decision - I felt like as soon as I told someone, I would also have to have a definite plan regarding medical steps and I wasn’t ready to even think about that yet. 

But feeling so happy and euphoric about my new name only highlighted how miserable I felt with my birthname. During that time, I published my book and I couldn’t bring myself to put my birthname on the cover. I published under my new name - and it was bittersweet. I was so, so overwhelmed with happiness to see the name Oliver in my bookshelf... and it hurt so much to say “It’s a pseudonym, I just wanted to publish anonymously, so it’s a fake name” when that wasn’t true at all. 

My therapist told me to take my time with coming-out, to not rush into it but I knew that I needed to come out, for my own peace. I reached a point where I felt like hiding it hurt me more than any negative reaction could. I didn’t really have a big master plan - my mother invited me to dinner and one of my brothers was going to be there and I just woke up that day thinking “Today I am going to tell them”. Looking back, I am glad I only gave myself some hours to plan and freak out about my plans. Otherwise, I would have had too much time to think and convinced myself to give up. 

I actually had a therapy session that day, so I knew they would ask me about that. My plan was to wait for that question and then tell them that my therapist thinks I am trans. In case they react super negative, this would give me the chance to blame the therapist or downplay it and say “Yeah, I don’t agree with him”. Maybe that’s a bit cowardly and yes, I am an adult and don’t need my family’s permission - but I came out as bi as a teenager and it went horrible. It took a while for my mother and me to have a good relationship again after that, I didn’t want history to repeat itself. My family means the world to me, I was scared of losing them. 

Dinner came, that question I waited for came... and I hesitated and ruined the moment. The conversation moved on and I didn’t came out. Oh gosh, I hated myself in that moment. I had that plan and just got too scared to actually do it. I had just convinced myself that I lost my shot and would not come out to them at all when my brother said “You look sad, is there something you want to tell us?”. 

I actually started crying and went “I need to tell you something but please don’t be mad”. I am pretty sure I sounded like a 8-year-old who broke mom’s favorite vase! My family got really worried. I guess that, based on my breaking down in tears, they assumed that I was either dying or going to jail. When I think about it now, it’s ridiculous and funny but back then, I felt terrible. 

I managed to say “My therapist thinks I would be happier as a man” during sobs... and my mother just said “Oh, then you should do that. Do you want us to call you Oliver, like on your book?”. At first, I thought that she was thinking I was just kidding and that’s why she reacted so calm. I explained that I am serious and told them about the conversations I had with my therapist. They stayed calm. My brother said he already had guessed that I am trans based on the way I dress and the fact that I published my book under a male name, so it wasn’t shocking news to him and my mom agreed. She had a couple questions (mostly if I would date men or women now, I told her it’s still both) - and that was it. 

It went way better than I expected. Yet, if I could turn back time, I would change something: I would explain more. I feel like I should’ve given a little “trans 101″ speech, especially explaining why the new name and pronouns matter. She still mostly calls me by my birthname and uses she/her. It’s not that she refuses to call me Oliver - if I correct her, she will change it. I feel like she simply believes I don’t care about it that much. Maybe she doesn’t really see a difference between butch lesbians and trans men, too. I feel like I could’ve done a better job explaining it to avoid those misunderstandings. 

My fear that they would instantly ask me about surgery plans did not come true. I wasted quite some time worrying about that and preparing what to say in case they ask - they just didn’t ask about that at all. 

I do not regret that I kind of rushed into it. To be honest, I don’t even know if I did. There were only a few months between calling myself trans the very first time in my therapist’s office and coming-out - but it’s not like I never thought about it before. I feel like I struggled with my gender identity since puberty but I didn’t have the words or didn’t allow myself to connect the dots. To me, it doesn’t feel rushed. 

I came out to more people since then. But this letter is getting too long, so I will end this with a final thought: My coming--out, both to myself and the world, felt a bit messy and I can name things I would do better if I could start over again - but maybe I would just do it exactly the same way. I’m incredibly happy I came out. It didn’t make all my problems go away but I do feel better emotionally, more confident. I like myself more now. For me, it was definitely the right decision. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[kaesaaurelia]

books and reading in 2021

Overall I’d like to read at least 65 books for 2021 and I’d like for most of those to be new-to-me and things I either already own or have listed as to-read on Goodreads.

So far I have read 11/65 books and 4 fanworks.

Themed reading challenge checklists and brief book reviews are under the cut.  I may or may not finish any of these challenges; again, my goal is to cut down my to-be-read list and unread books I own, and themes and deadlines help me pick a book rather than hemming and hawing.

Book reviews answer the questions “Did I like it? Was it good? Would I recommend it?” (please note these are very different questions) and how many stars I rated it.

I may put fanfiction, webfiction, and other things that are very much not traditional books down on here as well, depending on how booklike I’ve decided they are.

The FFA reading challenge, 2021 (2/12 books)

JANUARY - The Pandemic Year - a medical thriller, or a book about medicine The Poisoner's Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York by Deborah Blum Did I like it? Yeah! Was it good? I think so.  Sometimes the prose meandered in such a way that I felt the author was kind of saying dun dun dun! under her breath at me, and I was like “idk, is that significant?” but usually it was good. Would I recommend it? Do you have a strong stomach? Then sure. 4 stars

FEBRUARY - Macavity/Ratigan - a genre you wouldn't normally read Jane Doe by Victoria Helen Stone, book 1 in the Jane Doe series Did I like it?  Yes!  Very much!  The power fantasy of being able to take vengeance against people who hurts your loved ones, without feeling bad about it, was really appealing to me, a person who feels guilt over a frankly ridiculous number of things.  It was also genuinely funny. Was it good?  I thought so.  The narrator had a really strong voice that struck the right balance between creepy cold indifference and endearing little moments of self-discovery. Would I recommend it? Yes, but with the caveat that there’s some pretty serious emotional abuse of the protagonist’s false persona (which she encourages and privately gloats about), and she also gets close to committing serious violence, including fantasizing at length about it. 5 stars

MARCH – 100+ Comments of Terror - a book set in the arctic, or a book about an expedition In the Land of White Death: An Epic Story of Survival in the Siberian Arctic by Valerian Albanov (ordered)

APRIL - Sexy John Oliver Rat – a book about animals, or a book with a character called Oliver or Olivia A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear by Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling (hardcover)

MAY - A Feud in Wolf-Kink Erotica - a book involving wolves, the legal system, or ripped from the headlines Song of the Summer King by Jess Owen (ebook)

JUNE - Showerhead Wank - a comedy of manners, an etiquette manual, or a book where someone wanks or has sex

JULY – My Shithead Is What You Are! - a book with profanity in it, or a book about themes of censorship

AUGUST - Yep, Still Indoors - a book involving travel, or being stuck in one place

SEPTEMBER - Socktopus, Maybe? - a book where someone has a secret identity, or a book about aquatic animals

OCTOBER - Politics is Sequestered – a book involving politics or politicians Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago by Mike Royko (owned in DRM’d ebook)

NOVEMBER - It's Canon in Spanish - read a book originally written in Spanish, or set in Latin America

DECEMBER - Apple Is a One Syllable Word - a book about language/linguistics/etc., or a book with a two syllable title. 

Around the Year in 52 Books (8/52 books)

A book related to “In the Beginning...”: (Using the subprompt a book set in the ancient world) The Odyssey by Homer, translated by Emily Wilson Did I like it? Yes; it was definitely a less comfortable read than prior translations I have read, but a more interesting one, I think.  A lot of details leapt out at me that I had either forgotten or that had been overlooked in the 3ish literature classes I have read the Odyssey for. Was it good? Yes! Would I recommend it? Probably, with the caveat that if you are just in it for a cool mythology story you would probably prefer an adaptation rather than a translation. 5 stars

A book by an author whose name doesn't contain the letters A, T or Y The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis Did I like it?  I really read this for the worldbuilding of Hell, so I liked that; to some extent I did also like some of the musings on how a lot of human foibles that people like to think of as virtues can actually be kind of shitty.  On the other hand, Lewis and I disagree about a lot of things -- mostly that whole Christianity thing.  So I liked it with caveats. Was it good? It was okay!  Again, I was not really there for the Christianity stuff.  I am never there for the Christianity stuff.  I am either precisely the wrong audience for all of C.S. Lewis’ stuff, or, if you look at it a certain way, precisely the right audience, but even if you look at it that way, he is never going to convince me; I wrote furious postcanon fanfiction about the dwarfs when I reread the Narnia books as a teenager and realized they were meant to represent people like me. Would I recommend it?  Probably not?  Unless you frequently write demons or other evil creatures trying to figure out how humans work, which I guess I am. 4 stars but only because that reveal at the end is great

A book related to the lyrics for the song "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music (The cover depicts a rose with raindrops or dewdrops on it.) Ensnared by Rita Stradling Did I like it? In a sense.  In a sense, I enjoyed this book.  It was a Beauty and the Beast retelling, and I like Beauty and the Beast.  There were robots, and I like robots.  And it certainly gave me something fun to talk about.  However, it also inspired me to try and figure out when and why I acquired this book, and while I still don’t know why I bought it, I was relieved to find that I only paid 99 cents for it.  For a more thorough description of the plot, please see my Goodreads review.  It was a weird book to start with, and then it really, really didn’t age well. Was it good?  IT SURE WASN’T. Would I recommend it?  No.  However, if you decide to read it I’d love to hear what you think.  Please.  Please talk to me about this book. 2 stars

A book with a monochromatic cover The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson Did I like it?  Yes, very much!  Also it accidentally became fic research.  I genuinely was just thinking “where do I slip Leonard into this narrative so he can try and fail to sabotage the Ferris Wheel?” and then I began to think about how much Leonard would admire and envy H. H. Holmes’ ladykilling ways.  But in general it was a really good read and had a lot of... Chicagoness, which I of course am fond of. Was it good? I thought so!  Obviously a lot of the narratives of Holmes’ murders were mostly the author’s speculation, but there were a lot of great research tidbits in there, and the picture the author paints of the World’s Fair was vivid and wonderful. Would I recommend it?  Yes, with the warning that this is true crime and there is vivid narration of several murders, including the murders of several children. 5 stars

A book by an author on USA Today's list of 100 Black Novelists You Should Read Wild Seed by Octavia Butler, book 1 of the Patternmaster series Did I like it?  Yes, but it was intense.  It takes a lot of skill to keep me reading and invested through so many horrors; the protagonist’s children and loved ones die on-page multiple times, in horrible accidents or senselessly murdered, and it hurts every time, but I kept reading.  Admittedly I am (predictably) extremely here for immortal enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies angst, so that was probably part of it. Was it good?  Yes!  I am kind of sad that I’m not just moving on to the next in the series (there are 3 more books), but also, god, I’m not sure I could handle it. Would I recommend it?  Yes, definitely, with the caveat that it is very dark and very sad. 5 stars

A love story Deal with the Devil by Kit Rocha, book 1 of the Mercenary Librarians series Did I like it?  It was good!  I gather both of the authors who are Kit Rocha were (are still?) in fandom, and it shows in the right ways; it doesn’t shy away from depicting sex pretty explicitly but there’s a lot of emotion in it, and the main couple is a m/f couple without the book being unpleasantly heteronormative.  Like, yeah, it’s about a big butch macho dude who’s broken inside and a woman who’s very caring, but the big butch macho dude is genuinely kind and not like, violent for the hell of it or overprotectively jealous, and the woman doesn’t drop everything to Heal His Pain.  (Also I think most of the characters, including the romantic leads, are established to have had same-gender lovers at one point or another without that being considered unusual or wrong in the setting, so that’s nice.)  It’s also a cheerful and optimistic post-apocalyptic book about two found families coming together to make the world a better place, despite the very grim backstories of pretty much everyone in the story, which is really nice. Was it good?  It was okay.  It was good popcorny reading; it’s not winning any literature prizes, but it sets out to be fun and readable and exciting, and it is all of those things.  Also, as noted above, the prose has a lot of the strengths of fanfic (not being afraid to mix genres, not being afraid of writing sex earnestly and emotionally but also explicitly, strong emotional focus) without the much-derided stereotypical weaknesses of fanfic. Would I recommend it?  Probably?  This isn’t a must-read; it’s happy to be idfic so if it sounds like it’d scratch your id I would recommend it, but it might not be Your Thing and that’s okay too. 4 stars

A book that fits a prompt suggestion that didn't make the final list (Using the subprompt a book related to a local industry or small business) The Gangs of Chicago: An Informal History of the Chicago Underworld by Herbert Asbury Did I like it? NO.  NO I DID NOT.  It made me genuinely angry.  It was a useful read for fic research and unfortunately I’ve got it in my little fic-writing reference material corner in my office but I DID NOT LIKE THIS BOOK IT WAS VERY BAD.  Many questionable or outright incorrect assertions and implications, and extremely racist and sexist.  For details, see my review on Goodreads. Was it good? It was actively bad. Would I recommend it? Not unless you are interested in it historiographically, or on the off chance that you are trying to find some fiddly details about a particular bit of Chicago crime history, but also have no responsibility to make sure those fiddly details are correct when you use them in the project. 1 star

A book set in a state, province, or country you have never visited The Last Duel: A True Story of Crime, Scandal, and Trial by Combat in Medieval France by Eric Jager Did I like it?  It was okay.  It was definitely interesting but not amazingly life-changing. Was it good?  It was fine!  I did think the underlying rape case was handled surprisingly sensitively given that this was a male author writing about 20 years ago about a medieval rape accusation and trial, but there is a chapter that is basically just the victim’s account of her rape, and it’s very brutal. Would I recommend it?  Do you want to understand more about trial by combat in the Middle Ages, and/or learn about how medieval people treated rape victims?  You should definitely read this book.  But if that doesn’t particularly interest you, probably not. 3 stars

A book you associate with a specific season or time of year Summers at Castle Auburn (ebook borrowed from CPL)

A book with a female villain or criminal Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America's Soul by Karen Abbott (owned in paperback)

A book to celebrate The Grand Egyptian Museum The Oasis by Pauline Gedge (ebook)

A book eligible for the Warwick Prize for Women in Translation The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa (on hold at CPL; est. 3 week wait)

A book written by an author of one of your best reads of 2020 The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow (on hold at CPL; est. 10 week wait???)

A book set in a made-up place Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (paperback)

A book that features siblings as the main characters Sisters One, Two, Three by Nancy Star (ebook)

A book with a building in the title

A book with a Muslim character or author

3 books related to "Past, Present, Future" - Book 1

3 books related to "Past, Present, Future" - Book 2

3 books related to "Past, Present, Future" - Book 3

A book whose title and author both contain the letter "u"

A book posted in one of the ATY Best Book of the Month threads

A cross genre novel

A book about racism or race relations

A book set on an island

A short book (<210 pages) by a new-to-you author

A book with a character who can be found in a deck of cards

A book connected to ice

A book that you consider comfort reading

A long book

A book by an author whose career spanned more than 21 years

A book whose cover shows more than 2 people

A collection of short stories, essays, or poetry

A book with a travel theme

A book set in a country on or below the Tropic of Cancer

A book with six or more words in the title

A book from the Are You Well Read in World Literature list

A book related to a word given by a random word generator

A book involving an immigrant

A book with flowers or greenery on the cover

A book by a new-to-you BIPOC author

A mystery or thriller

A book with elements of magic

A book whose title contains a negative

A book related to a codeword from the NATO Phonetic Alphabet

A winner or nominee from the 2020 Goodreads Choice Awards

A non-fiction book other than biography, autobiography or memoir

A book that might cause someone to react “You read what?!?” Missing 411: Eastern United States by David Paulides (terrible pdf copy I’m not paying $100 for a book about extradimensional bigfoot)

A book with an ensemble cast

A book published in 2021

A book whose title refers to person(s) without giving their name

A book related to "the end"

There’s No Business Like Snow Business February Reading Challenge (8/8)

Snow is precipitation in the form of small white ice crystals formed directly from the water vapor of the air at a temperature of less than 0°C (32°F).

Read a book that has snow on the cover or snow in the title. Killing Dragons: The Conquest of the Alps by Fergus Fleming Did I like it? It was okay.  There was more about the personalities involved in early mountaineering than I did about actual mountain-climbing, which was fine, but didn’t get really exciting until those personalities got really dysfunctional. Was it good?  Again, it was okay.  The prose wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t gripping, and there was some odd (lack of) translation on occasion.  The research seemed thorough and solid, though. Would I recommend it?  Not really, unless you are specifically looking to research the Alps or early European mountain-climbing enthusiasts for a writing project or something, in which case, of course. 3 stars

Precipitation: Read a book that has any weather related term in the title. Trail of Lightning, book 1 of The Sixth World, by Rebecca Roanhorse Did I like it?  Yes!  This took me back to my first forays into urban fantasy as a preteen/young teen.  I loved the Diana Tregarde books and also Harry Turtledove’s The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump, and whenever I want urban fantasy that’s kind of the pattern I’m looking for?  An unfriendly world full of myths that are real and living and breathing and otherworldly but also they are probably trying to bum a cigarette off you.  I haven’t reread my favorite childhood urban fantasy because I think it probably won’t hold up, and later urban fantasy has mostly been not quite what I wanted, but this book was like being that kid all over again.  I’m not super familiar with Dine folklore/mythology so it was neat to learn a little bit about that, too, although obviously to learn those stories maybe don’t go to an urban fantasy novel. Was it good?  It was pretty good!  The prose wasn’t like, stylistically exciting, but it conveyed the plot well, and I did like the narrative voice, and the characterization was good, I thought. Would I recommend it?  Absolutely.  Content warning for violence (as per urban fantasy) and a child dies violently early on in the book, but if you were the kind of kid I was but you’re not really into paranormal romance or Harry Dresden, give it a try. 4 stars

Small: Read a book that has less than 200 pages. A Butt in the Mist: Stirred to the Core of My Bodice by the Duchess Triceratops of Helena by Chuck Tingle Did I like it?  I mostly did, but it wasn’t super exciting.  I liked the free book afterwards better.  It was funny, but Chuck’s been funnier. Was it good? This 4,000 word book was written with all the quality and attention to detail that I have come to expect from beloved author Chuck Tingle. Would I recommend it? Not really?  It was funny, but I think I like his more metafictional stuff better, and I think he gets a lot weirder with his m/m stuff; if I’m reading Chuck Tingle, I want it to be weird. 3 stars

Snow is formed of crystals and is a slang term for diamonds. Read a book in which a gem or other mineral can be found in the plot, title, or cover art. Ombria in Shadow by Patricia A. McKillip Did I like it?  Mostly!  I love the lush visuals of McKillip’s prose; they more than live up to the also gorgeous covers.  Dreamy fairytale stuff but with solid emotions and a good sense of place. Was it good?  I think so, although the dreamlike quality of the prose does mean you’re liable to miss something if your attention drifts. Would I recommend it?  Yes, I think so. 5 stars

Snow is a dessert made of stiffly beaten whites of eggs, sugar, and fruit pulp. Read a book with a dessert on the cover, or read a book in which a dessert is made. Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder by Joanne Fluke, book 1 of the Hannah Swensen series Did I like it? I enjoyed parts of it, but I thought it really suffered at the beginning, when our introduction to the detective was “not like other girls, not interested in DATING and MEN” and our introduction to her older sister is “she was a DITZY CHEERLEADER and now she’s married with a kid but she’s a HORRIBLE CAREER HARPY who WORKS ALL DAY and puts her child in DAYCARE and CAN’T COOK” and that was all just very tiresome.  The sister does turn out to have redeeming qualities and useful interests, but the way these two and their mother interact is all like, if you were asking yourself whether there’s such a thing as toxic femininity and what that would look like, it’s these women.  Aside from that, it was fine; it was a cozy mystery novel about a bakery specializing in cookies.  I will say, I did appreciate the Midwesternness of the small town Midwest setting. Was it good?  Not really.  I did kind of have to handwave a lot to let the detective get away with all the HIPAA violations and crime scene disturbing that she does, but it is a cozy mystery. Would I recommend it? Probably not; I’ve heard this series gets better so if you’re interested in the series and/or like the idea of cookie-themed cozies, maybe start with a different book, unless you’re a completist like I am. 3 stars

Snow is slang for cocaine. Read a book about drugs or drug addiction. The Man With the Golden Arm by Nelson Algren Did I like it?  It was not a fun read, by any means, but Algren’s prose is fantastic and it was such a novelty to see such a familiar accent represented by eye dialect.  (Which I know has fallen out of fashion and is considered the mark of a bad writer, but I really don’t mind it if it’s done well.)  It’s one of those books where nobody has a fair shake and everybody is doomed, but it doesn’t feel gratuitous.   All the characters are horrible to each other, but in fairness they are also horrible to themselves; it’s all they’ve ever known. Was it good?  Yes.  It was extremely good and I’m considering buying a physical copy so I can write things in the margins.  This is actually really weird for me to do; in high school we occasionally had to turn our books in so our teacher could be sure we were writing in them Correctly, and I found it a little painful, but I did want to do it with this book. Would I recommend it?  Yes, if you’re up for a really depressing story about heroin addiction and poverty. 5 stars

White is the color of snow. Read a book that contains white in the cover. The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin Did I like it? I definitely did.  I haven’t read much Le Guin yet for some reason, and while this did initially start off feeling exactly like just another ‘70s SF story where in the future we’ve solved all of psychology and it’s super mechanistic, it was really fascinating and surprisingly, unpleasantly prescient. Was it good?  I thought so!  There were some parts of it that were pretty awkward about race, from a 2021 perspective, but it does actually deal with race in a way that made me think “yes, that’s exactly what would happen as a consequence of this plot, and it would be horrible, oh no, oh shit,” and it is horrible. Would I recommend it?  I am not sure I would!  I would recommend it in like five years, assuming those five years are not much like the last five years.  Hoping and praying that those five years are not much like the last five, really.  The premise of the book -- which I haven’t explained, I realize -- is that in this near-future environmental dystopia, the main character can change things in real life by dreaming about them, and he would like to not do that, only he is put under the care of a psychiatric researcher who tries to play God.  So this poor man literally wakes up every day to a brand new dystopia and it felt... familiar. 4 stars

To snow someone is to deceive, persuade, or charm glibly. Read a book about a con artist, or read a book about deception. Empire of Deception: The Incredible Story of a Master Swindler Who Seduced a City and Captivated the Nation by Dean Jobb Did I like it?  I did.  I have joked that my own personal reading challenge this year is to fill up the Chicago shelf/tag on my Goodreads account, and this book was recommended to me in that spirit, and I always like hearing about a. Chicago; b. the 1920s; and c. con men conning people. Was it good?  The prose was fine; it was fun but I think the thing I appreciated most was all the punny newspaper headlines. Would I recommend it?  If you are someone who perks up at the sound of at least 2 out of 3 of the themes of “Chicago,” “1920s,” and “con men,” yes. 4 stars

2021 Q1 challenge: Changes (3/20)

Read a book that features:

The word "change" (Changes, Changing, or other variations) in its title. Weeds: How Vagabond Plants Gatecrashed Civilisation and Changed the Way We Think About Nature by Richard Mabey Did I like it?  It was all right.  I like hearing about plant history, and the chapter on plants unexpectedly surviving/thriving on battlefields and bombing sites was particularly interesting to me. Was it good?  It was okay, but kind of poorly-organized; there were chapter themes but it felt awfully stream-of-consciousness sometimes. Would I recommend it?  Maybe not unless you’re really into botany and Western anthropology.  (As in, the study of Western cultures; this book does not do much with other cultures.) 3 stars

The theme of money or money on its cover (loose change). Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik Did I like it?  I really, really liked it to the point that I feel kind of silly about it, gotta say.  I’m really, really hit or miss on the author’s work (both fanfic and profic) but the themes of this were perfect for me; Russian fairytales, a cynical but earnest sort of Judaism, creepy fairy abductions, interesting worldbuilding, and women coming together to help each other.  (Also some interesting enemies-to-lovers stuff that wasn’t really developed on the “lovers” side, which I would have dug.  Like its precursor, this book has a lot of f/f friends-to-lovers subtext and hostile canon het.) Was it good?  I don’t know?  I liked it enough that I genuinely don’t know if it was well-written. Would I recommend it?  I would, but I’m not sure you should trust me on this???  Again, this book really, really hit me in the id. 5 stars

An adaptation of its original format (book-to-manga, translation, etc.) Murder on the Rockport Limited! by Clint McElroy et al Did I like it?  It was okay, but not nearly as good as the original podcast’s murder train arc.  The art was good and all, but, eh. Was it good?  It was fine.  I’m not sure how into the DM/character conversations I am, and I found myself having to pause and reimagine the dialogue in the various McElroys’ voices, which wasn’t good because it meant I wasn’t automatically reading them in those voices in my head, which is a major litmus test I use when I’m deciding whether I want to keep reading a fanfic. Would I recommend it?  Definitely not as a standalone thing. 3 stars

The author's initials found in the word "change" Helen of Sparta by Amalia Carosella (in progress)

Separate book sections or part of a series of three or more books (make change) The Seduction of the Crimson Rose by Lauren Willig (in progress)

An author or character writing under a pseudonym The Maker’s Mask by Ankaret Wells (in progress)

A topic or character about which you feel differently now than in the past. La Belle Sauvage by Phillip Pullman

Changing one's mind about a life decision. A Tapestry of Magics by Brian Daley

Switching careers/jobs. The Goblin Emperor by Katherine  Addison

Relocating to a different city, state/province, or country. Fire Season: Field Notes from a Wilderness Lookout by Philip Connors

Cultivating new daily habits. How to Be Fine by Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer

A character who shifts shapes or identities. The Lie: A Memoir of Two Marriages, Catfishing & Coming Out by William Dameron

Life changes due to age Two Old Women: An Alaskan Legend of Betrayal, Courage, and Survival by Velma Wallis

A medical transformation Specials by Westerfield, Scott

A life-changing experience. Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, & the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright

A changing household The Girl from the Other Side: Siúil, A Rún, Volume 1 by Nagabe

An action or phenomenon that transforms society or the world. Hard Times: An Oral History of the Great Depression by Studs Terkel

Replacing one thing with another (change out) In Vino Duplicitas: The Rise and Fall of a Wine Forger Extraordinaire by Peter Hellman & Charles Constant

Technological innovation Tubes: A Journey to the Center of the Internet by Andrew Blum

A game-changer. The Sleepwalkers: How Europe Went to War in 1914 by Christopher  Clark

Fanfic Reading Challenge recs (1)

I have a private checklist with the fanfic reading challenge data, but will not be sharing all of the fics; fanfiction is generally an amateur endeavor, and many people do not enjoy receiving (or stumbling across) criticism of their work.  Bad reviews are normal and accepted as part of commercial publishing, and professional authors (hopefully!) get paid for their work, so I’m comfortable criticizing published novels.  I would prefer not to publicly criticize someone’s writing when they are just writing for the joy of it, especially since some of the tasks require me to read first-time authors’ fics, fics with relatively low kudos counts, fics for ships I don’t like, etc.  So I’m only putting the recs here.

Romancing the Tome by Anti_kate Good Omens; Aziraphale/Crowley; ~40k words; rated Explicit Romance novelist Aziraphale Wilder is pulled from his carefully ordered life when his sister is kidnapped and held to ransom. With the help of antiquities forger Anthony J Crowley, he braves the wilds of Scotland to rescue her and keep a priceless book from falling into the hands of dangerous book thieves. Did I like it?  Yes!  It was cheesy and cute and basically what I want out of this kind of romcom AU fic.  I’m not normally into human AUs and this one wasn’t like, super deep or anything, but it was very fun. Was it good? I thought so!  The dialogue was great, I enjoyed the characterization, the sex was good.  I do think the Crowley in this fic is pretty self-loathing in a way that I don’t see canon Crowley being at all, but I have a weakness for that and I also think self-loathing works for a human version of Crowley.  One thing it doesn’t shy away from is Crowley doing genuinely awful stuff (instead of being a misunderstood woobie) and yet the resolution is sweet and lovely anyway. Would I rec it? Yes!  Go read this fic.  It’s fast-paced but long enough to be worth settling in to read, it’s funny, and it’s sweet. 5 stars

In Holy Matrimony by Myracuulous Good Omens; Aziraphale/Crowley; ~6.7k words; rated General From the private journal of Alisha Jones, wedding planner, concerning the nuptials of Anthony J Crowley and Aziraphale and the planning process thereof, containing an account of chosen decor, guest list construction, and the holy war against the Antichrist that nearly ruined six months of professional organization and a very nice dinner. Did I like it?  Yes!  It was extremely cute, and I always really like outsider POV.  I did appreciate the fact that poor Alisha definitely knew something was definitely weird, but kept telling herself not to question it because a gorgeous wedding with an unlimited budget and zero issues with scheduling, catering, guest limits, etc. is a great problem to have. Was it good?  It was pretty good!  The climax and wrap-up felt a bit rushed, mostly due to the limits of outsider POV, but I did enjoy Aziraphale unexpectedly embracing his inner groomzilla while also being unfailingly sweet about it. Would I rec it?  Yup, especially if you want wedding comedy/fluff and outsider POV

Wrong Turn by anticyclone Good Omens; Aziraphale/Crowley; ~38k words; rated Teen And Up Lots and lots of somethings are wrong. First, Crowley's nearly hit by a car. Then he almost brains himself tripping over new and excessive piles of books at the bookshop. To add insult to near-injury, Aziraphale starts throwing knives at him. Safe to say his day could be going better.

The thing that's the most wrong of all is the universe, of course. In this one there was never an Arrangement. Aziraphale and Anthony (they can't both be 'Crowley') aren't friends and they certainly never agreed to prep for Armageddon. Unfortunately, the end of the world is two days away.

So that's something Crowley really has to fix before they can figure out how to get him home. Did I like it?  Oh yes.  I had read bits of this on ffa previously, and also anticyclone is a good writer (and a friend) so like, I was expecting it to be good; I was not disappointed. Was it good?  Yes!  I was particularly impressed at how much alternate backstory is set up in little hints here and there, and then explained more thoroughly in ways that take the AU Aziraphale and Crowley by surprise when they do finally get to talking. Would I rec it?  Yes!  Especially if you like a nice dose of enemies-to-lovers along with your friends-to-lovers, and also the awkwardness of meeting your alternate universe self.

Finished in January, not for reading challenges (3 books):

The Way of Kings, book 1 of The Stormlight Archive, by Brandon Sanderson Did I like it? It was fine. Was it good? I think so.  I am maybe not the best audience for epic fantasy at this point, partly because I’ve read a lot of it and partly because I habitually read 3-7 books at once at any given time. Would I recommend it? Maybe, but I feel like most of the people who would enjoy it have probably heard of it already. 3 stars

Get a Wiggle On, a Good Omens fanzine Did I like it? Yup! Was it good? Mostly, although as usual with zines and anthologies, quality varies piece by piece.   Of the fics I particularly liked “A Head Above Water,” “The Grapes of Mild Irritation,” and “Concerning the Great Serpent Glykon and the Angel Clothed With the Sun,” all of which are now available on AO3. Would I recommend it? If you like snakey Crowley, yes. 4 stars

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne Did I like it? Yes, very much!  A very silly thing I particularly liked (which unfortunately you cannot really replicate) is that the edition I have is an illustrated hardcover book from 1926 which I picked up cheap at a used bookstore, knowing I would like it because Jules Verne.  I didn’t think much about that specific date when I bought it, but I am now writing a fic set in 1926, with a character who has a habit of reading adventure novels and who I have specifically mentioned enjoyed Jules Verne in his childhood, so when I discovered the date the coincidence made me very happy.  The book itself smells very nice, it’s nice to hold, and as I was reading it I kept thinking about what Danny would think of the book, and whether he would try reading it aloud to Crowley, and wondering if the book smelled as nice in 1926 as it does now.  Maybe I will have Aziraphale give this book to him as a very small thank-you for all he has done to keep Crowley alive and well. Was it good? For the most part.  Jules Verne is prone to wandering off on tangents where he shows you his research, but I’m sympathetic to that, and there’s some really cool and atmospheric scenes in this book.  My favorite character was definitely Captain Nemo, who we don’t really learn much about.  Could have done without Conseil, the bland servant character who could be a naturalist in his own right, if he had any opinions of his own, or the period racism/imperialism, which unfortunately is so built into this kind of adventure novel.  But the environmentalism was a nice surprise, and you can definitely read some critiques of certain aspects of (Western?) culture at the time into Captain Nemo’s behavior; I have not yet read The Mysterious Island where Captain Nemo also appears, but I do get the impression a lot of people read him as being disgusted with imperialism. Would I recommend it?  Probably!  With the caveats above.  It was a good adventure story with some awesome visuals, and I kept thinking about what a pretty movie it would make with modern SFX, and how sad I would be that they would inevitably not spend just 3 solid hours on cool fish and interiors of the Nautilus and scenes of the lost city of Atlantis and Captain Nemo being very mysterious and dreamy scary, because they’d probably shoehorn an awkward romance into it. 4 stars

Finished in February, not for reading challenges (2 books):

The Deception of the Emerald Ring by Lauren Willig, book 3 of the Pink Carnation series Did I like it? I did.  It was a silly Regency romance novel with espionage elements, it is the third of a series I have enjoyed, and it contained an accidental/forced marriage to preserve a lady’s honor despite neither party to the marriage particularly liking or wanting to have anything to do with each other, and some misunderstandings about that.  Also spies. Was it good?  Not really.  It was fun and I liked the characters, but I don’t think the writing was of particularly high quality.  The handling of certain elements of English imperialism was not great, and bothered me enough to note it in my review on Goodreads. Would I recommend it? I’d recommend the series if it sounds like something you’d like; I might not recommend this specific book. 3 stars

The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley Did I like it?  No.  It was very dark, and I did not enjoy most of the book.  A lot of it was because it was very gritty and grim, and because I frequently don’t enjoy military fiction; a lot of it was because many of the dystopian aspects of our present reality that came to a head in 2020 were magnified in the book.  Part of it was also that the protagonist’s entire reality and memory was being denied for much of the book, and I think it reminded me of being gaslit.  (This is not a criticism of the book, or some kind of weird accusation that the book or its author was somehow abusing me, I just have this personal history.  In fact, it turns out the main character is being gaslit to some extent, and the author writes it very well.)  It was a minor relief when she finally decided the stuff she was going through was real, and a huge relief when she was able to talk to someone who believed her. Was it good?  Yes, I think so. Would I recommend it?  Not right now, but I think this would be a good book to read at a time when the world feels more stable.  I don’t say this because I want you to wait until everything’s fine to read it; I say this because it feels like a good anti-complacency read. 4 stars (3 for not being an enjoyable read, 5 for the actual plot; it averages out.)

In progress, not for reading challenges (1 book):

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by 墨香铜臭

[kindrednerdspirit]

Sometimes A Thing Feels so Right: Part 3

Excerpt: In her fantasy, her lips brush against Newton’s earlobe before she whispers in front of the entire track team, “Now, let me help you dry off.” The thought alone makes Iz wet. She imagines herself gently pressing her thumb underneath Newton’s lips and pulling down just enough for them to part.

Sunday. Izzie returns home after going for a run.

Izzie jogs up the stairs to her front door and stops at the sound of a man’s voice.

“Where does she go?” He asks.

Is that Steve? She hesitates.

Izzie’s mum replies, “Mum and dad say that she spends a lot of time with another girl on the track team.”

“So she spends a lot of time with her friend. Sounds like normal teenager stuff to me.”

“No, no… like too much time together and she’s only briefly dated one guy.”

“So what? You think she’s a dyke?”

Izzie sucks in a quick breath at the word “dyke,” but continues hovering at the door.

“Maybe? She doesn’t look or dress like one, though.”

Nope, she doesn’t want to hear anymore of this conversation. Iz shoves open the door and glares into the living room, where Steve and mer mum are sitting on the couch. “Enlighten me. How exactly does a dyke look and dress?”

“Oh my God!” Her mum cries, clearly startled. “You scared me! Don’t sneak around listening to private conversations!”

“If I could actually count on you to be here, then I wouldn’t assume you were out and I wouldn’t accidentally hear your so-called private conversations!”

“Get out!” Her mum bellows.

“You don’t have to tell me twice!”

Izzie storms into her room. Her mind is racing, bouncing from her mum’s addiction, to coming to terms with her queer identity, to feeling lonely, to Newton. The only thing that’s clear is her need for space--space between her and this house. She starts grabbing clothes out of her dresser and cramming them in an overnight bag. Maybe she can go to her grandparents’ place. Despite knowing she needs distance, the familiar twinge of guilt for leaving Jason, Alysha, and Arya creeps up. 

Jase will be fine, right? He has a phone to call her in case of emergencies. It’s just one night. You’re not mum. Iz repeats the last two sentences in her head as she continues packing.

Tears stream down her face as she puts her homework and textbooks into her backpack. Iz is many emotions right now, but she’s mostly frustrated with herself. After all, why does she care what her mum thinks about gay people? Logically, she shouldn’t, but she’s livid as she thinks about her mum’s ignorant words. What did a lesbian look like, exactly? Butch, apparently. As if all queer girls looked the same.

She wants to kiss Alysha and Arya goodbye but she looks like a mess with her red, puffy eyes. No need to make them worry about her. She won’t be gone long, anyway. With a deep breath, Iz prepares herself to walk past her mum on her way out the front door. As she passes the doorframe to the living room, however, she cannot help but yell at the two sorry excuses for adults. Her mum is now standing, arguing with Steve, whose butt is still parked on the couch.

“You know what’s the most annoying part of you being back? You don’t make things easier! I worry and stress just as much as when you’re gone.” Izzie slams the door behind her and rushes down the concrete stairs to the front lawn. It’s awkward running with a backpack, but she needs the physical distance immediately, so she jogs until the end of the block. As she slows to a walk, she pulls out her phone and texts Jason.

Going to grandma and grandpa’s for the night. Say goodnight to the girls for me xx.

All Iz wants is to vent to Casey about her mum’s tone and judgment toward even the idea that she could be queer. Not to mention her presence in general. New topic. Think happy thoughts. The memory of bonding with Newton in Coach’s office comes to mind. She remembers feeling so happy that Newton wasn’t a spoiled rich kid like everyone else. That she also felt a need to be perfect all the time. It was the first time since her mum started using that Izzie didn’t feel alone. These days, however, thinking of Newton quickly gets depressing, so Iz takes out her headphones and listens to “The Look” by Metronomy. In an attempt to further distract herself, she concentrates on the lyrics.

Get up and we get down

We’re always running around this town

And to think they said

We’d never make anything better than this

Cause we’re always in small circles

And everyone thinks we’re trouble

We didn’t read it in the big book

And now we’re giving you the look look...

This town’s the oldest friend of mine

Sometimes when she listens to a song, she likes to imagine a story that goes along with it. Izzie pictures a woman driving around town with her girlfriend. The “small circles” are small town people gossiping about them, like townsfolk do, speculating about their relationship as the two live their lives. And like any stereotypical small community, the townies are narrow minded in their beliefs, believing that queer relationships are “trouble,” because the “big book” says so. Iz rolls her eyes at the thought, counting herself lucky to not be the woman in the song, until she hears “this town’s the oldest friend of mine.” The woman wants the town’s approval! She, by all means, is aware that they’re backwards, yet she still wants their acceptance.

Iz groans. Her attempt at distracting herself from Newton is failing miserably. Now, all she can think of is her own life in relation to the character in the song. How is she any different? She’s essentially surrounded herself with friends that don’t know who she really is, like Harmony and Scarlet. What’s the point in hiding her true self? Who cares what her friends think? Who cares what her mum thinks? Who cares what strangers think? Because at the end of the day, the only people that matter in her life are her siblings, grandparents, and Newton. And she pushed Newton away. She tried convincing herself that less connections at Clayton Prep meant flying under the radar, and flying under the radar meant more focus on track. It was her big chance to get into UCLA! Ironically, though, she felt even less focussed, because she was unhappy.

Evan was right. Newton chose her. The worst that could happen was happening right now--Newton wasn’t in her life. Period. End of story. It didn’t get worse than this, so Iz might as well try to make amends and go public. She had nothing to lose. That is, if Newton would take her back.

Monday, first block. Izzie’s perspective

The next morning, Izzie leaves her grandparents’ place with extra food in her lunch (an apple and sandwich that her grandma insisted she take) and a fire in her eyes, because today is the day she gets Newton back.

Izzie has decided to talk to Casey during track practice, since they share their first block. No sign of her, yet, as she puts on her sneakers, Adidas shorts, and a clean t-shirt in the locker room. She hustles toward the field, quickly spotting Casey stretching with the other girls on the team. Iz stretches on her own, her lips pressed together. Things are not going according to plan, because she was hoping for a private talk.

Sixty minutes go by of Izzie watching Newton. Her heart pounds from the anticipation of their conversation. Oh, and the small fact that she’s insanely hot. Casey slows down to a trot after sprinting the 200 metre. She’s overheating, so she splashes water on her face to cool down. Iz enjoys watching the droplets trickle down her face and over her lips. Calm yourself. Stop thinking about how you want to help her dry off. The braver version of herself would march over and loudly declare, “I love you.” Newton would then give a reciprocal answer, pathing the way for Brave Izzie to lean in. In her fantasy, her lips brush against Newton’s earlobe before she whispers in front of the entire track team, “Now, let me help you dry off.” 

The thought alone makes Iz wet. She imagines herself gently pressing her thumb underneath Newton’s lips and pulling down just enough for them to part. Newton’s breathing quickens. Izzie wants to tease, so she hovers centimetres from her mouth, making her wait. It’s hot watching Newton untangle, simply because she wants her. Newton swallows, quing Iz to finally nibble her lip. It’s a drawn-out nibble, as she gently pulls her lip back with her teeth and releases it. To Izzie’s delight, Newton quietly moans. Meanwhile, anyone on the track team who was previously unaware of their own sexuality has a much better idea of what team(s) they play for.

Iz is a hot mess by the time Coach blows the whistle, signalling the end of class. The girls begin walking back to the locker room in a large swarm.

Fuck it. Izzie thinks. I cannot wait any longer.

“Yo, Newton! Wait up!” She calls while jogging behind her.

Casey ignores her, continuing her conversation with another team mate. “Newton. Stop, please.” Iz is now beside her, making it very difficult to avoid a conversation. It all happens so fast. Before Iz realizes what is happening, Casey turns on her heel and looks at her with cold eyes. “I don’t know how to make this more clear. I don’t want to talk to you.” Her voice trembles and Iz swears she sees her shaking.

“I--” Iz is taken off guard. This is not going according to plan.

“Please, don’t follow me.” The way Casey pleads in a quiet but firm tone hits Izzie hard. She hesitates, wanting to respect the boundary, but desperately needing to share her feelings. Her hesitation ends up being too long, because the moment escapes her, along with Newton. She watches her moment walk the rest of the field and open the locker room door, then disappear.

Izzie stands, rejected, near the end of the bleachers. A familiar voice startles her out of her thoughts.

“Ouch. That was rough.”

Mel?

Izzie peers up at her new, potential friend who’s currently sitting on the bleachers with a notebook and a pen. She’s dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt that’s tucked into dark red corduroy pants with Doc Martens. Her long, wavy brown hair is tousled around her black glasses that frame her face.

Izzie feels annoyed from the rejection, the failed plan, Mel’s nosiness--all of it. “What are you doing here?” She asks, rather pointedly with an arched eyebrow.

“Working on my English essay.”

Iz grunts and folds her arms. “How much did you see, exactly?”

“Everything.” Mel sticks her hand into the bag of Doritos next to her and munches on the chips. “What’s your end goal?”

“With what?”

“Casey. You like her, right?”

Izzie’s heart quickens. “Yeah… how do you know?”

Mel shrugs. “Gaydar.”

Iz studies Mel before speaking. “How do you get good gaydar?”

“After you like girls for long enough, you just know when a girl likes another girl.”

Izzie feels herself relax as her defensiveness fades away. “Maybe you can give me some pointers some time.”

“What am I? Your lesbian guru?” A smirk spreads across Mel’s face.

Izzie laughs loudly. It feels good! She cannot remember the last time she laughed so hard. “Sure, why not?”

“I hate to break it to you, but I haven’t dated a girl before, so I’m going to be a really shitty gay guru.”

Mel’s honesty somewhat surprises Izzie, but because this quality is currently lacking in her life, it’s refreshing. “I’d rather have a shitty gay guru than none at all.”

The girls laugh. Iz doesn’t want to leave, but UCLA keeps her from playing hookie. “I should go to class, but I’ll see you at student council later.” She hasn’t given up on Newton--not even close. Izzie respects Newton enough to leave her alone if that’s what she truly wants, but not before letting her know she's done hiding herself from the world.

“See you.” Mel goes back to her writing with a grin on her face. And how could she not be smiling? After all, Clayton Prep just got a little more gay.

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Aces in Spaces Chapter 26 Pt. 2

Part 2!! More fluffiness and plotting and planning as well as ‘being in cahoots with’

Tags: @rentskenobi @sunshinepascal @princessxkenobi @maybege @obaby-wan @agent-450

Masterlist

Erica’s bustling into the shop, looking around for Hannah’s head of curls before making her way over and throwing both arms around the other woman. A muffled ‘nice to see you too’ comes from her armpits and she hurriedly pulls away, scanning Hannah from head to toe, hands resting on her shoulders, face horrified.

“I almost messed it up!” She says in a rush “Almost blew it right there in the park!!”

Hannah’s eyes widen a fraction before she processes the ‘almost’. “But you didn’t?”

Erica shakes her head profusely, biting her lip. “No, I was able to change it, I don’t think Roman even noticed”.

Hannah leans her head back (even more than usual) and narrows her eyes at Erica. “You know he can read you like an open book, right? Pretty sure he has your every expression memorized.”

Erica smiles softly at the mention of Roman, “have I told you already today how much I love that man?”

Hannah smirks, “No actually, unless we’re counting the part where you proposed to him after a month of being married and then proceeded to kiss him like he was going off to war.”

“That doesn’t count.” Erica says firmly, “You weren’t there for that, secondhand gossip doesn’t count.”

Hannah shrugs, a mumbled ‘not gossip if its true’ coming out of her mouth before turning to walk back to the dressing rooms and Erica pouts again, calling after her “And it’s a renewal of our vows, not a proposal.”

Hannah waves a hand without looking behind her, throwing a “semantics” over her shoulder. Erica catches up to her in what Hannah assumes is two steps at most, muttering a ‘extra long baguette’ under her breath before speaking louder. “I gave them a few pointers on what you might want, sleeves, floor length, lace, etc. They pulled a few but all up to you as always lamppost.”

Grabbing Hannah’s forearm and pulling her to a stop Erica starts to get down on one knee--

“Yes, yes I’ll be your maid of honor, come on now no time for that nonsense.” Hannah says it all while waving her hand, determined not to give the action any credence and Erica is grinning at her like the chershire cat from the floor before standing and throwing an arm across her shoulders, “You’d be lonely without your favorite dramatic lamppost and you know it”. She finishes by bopping Hannah’s nose with her pointer finger before turning to the woman helping them both. “Hello! What’s your name?”

The woman seems slightly shocked to have been asked but smiles back before responding with a “I’m Jean”.

*Butcher and Roman*

Roman hasn’t said a word the whole car ride and if Butch didn’t know better, he’d think the man was having second thoughts. He’s nervously playing with the ring he’s barely had for a few weeks before smiling down at it, no doubt thinking of the woman who gave it to him. It had been a small affair, they’d had to fetch the rings after the ceremony was long over, the exchange itself taking place in their living room (Butcher had left them to it, he couldn’t remember anything specific about the rings being mandatory and even if he did, that was their moment to have). Butcher watches him in the mirror for a few moments before turning around in the passenger seat to look him in the eye. “You alright boss?”

Roman’s eyes snap up to his and he smiles at Butch, a ‘fantastic’ leaving his lips before his eyes return to the window. Butcher watches the grin fade from his face and be replaced by a frown in all of about five seconds before deciding to take matters into his own hands. “What’s on your mind?”

Roman heaves a sigh, dropping his eyes to his lap before shaking his head. “She sees me in suits everyday Butch. How can I possibly make this special for her?” His eyes find Butch’s and he looks downright gloomy. Butch decides its best to joke first

“Well, I kind of figured the fact you were getting married a second time made it special, and all that kissing and carrying on and” he trails off before thinking better of it and saying seriously; “Didn’t think the outfits had much to do with it”.

He watches Roman shake his head again eyes falling down, “I have to let her know she’s important to me, it has to be something she hasn’t seen me wear before, it—“ He freezes, head jerking up “What are her colors?”

Butch shrugs, “My Sunshine’ll let me know.” He turns back to stare out the windshield “I was gonna put you in white anyway.”

He can feel Roman staring at him through the seat, but he’s determined not to turn around. He knows Roman would look good in white and he knows Erica would think so too. He might have turned down Hannah’s idea to make a scrapbook of all their planning for the wedding of the couple he protects, stating it wasn’t their place, but that didn’t stop them from looking at magazines and playing in photoshop. How he’s managed to make sure Roman never wore white in the five years the man’s dated Erica he doesn’t know but he isn’t about to let all that go to waste. Roman is leaning forward to position himself between the seats, pursing his lips and flitting his gaze about the floorboard.

“Well I suppose that would do.” It’s said nonchalantly but Butch knows that’s only because he’s slightly miffed he didn’t think of it first. “I suppose you intend to make me wear a bow tie?” Roman has never worn one the entire time Butch has known him and he’s since learned it was a preference more than anything (Roman’s explanation had been something about proportions and ‘having a long torso’ and the bow tie ‘making him look short and fat’ but Butch is absolutely sure precisely none of that will be on his mind the entire night anyway) so he isn’t entirely prepared to worry about it. “Well, maybe I wasn’t going to be that cruel”. He teases before turning to Roman and smiling. Roman smiles back, clapping a hand on his bicep before sliding back into the seat and turning again to the window. Butch barely hears it but he breathes out a “I trust you Butcher” before going quiet again for the rest of the trip.

***********************************************************************

Not long after Roman and Erica tie the knot someone makes an offhanded comment about they've been dating for five years and he still hasn't put a ring on it so obviously there must be something wrong with her. And Roman turns to them with all the self control of a teenager and immediately extends his ring finger and says actually we just did. He then sweeps up Erica and leaves the room telling butcher to get whatever that filthy thing is out of his sight. She asked him if he meant to flip the man off or if it was an accident he responds I didn't care enough to send the best.

[positivityforlesbians]

There aren’t “many lesbian characters and relationships in movies and shows” at all... there are actually so few! A lot of characters that are called lesbians are actually canonically bisexual, even if they don’t dare to use the word. And nothing wrong with having bi representation, that’s good too but lesbians and bi women have different experiences so when I’m watching a “lesbian” show/movie and it ends up being bisexual it gets a bit tiring because I can almost never relate to those stories. In almost every wlw love story I’ve ever seen, one or both of the women have relationships with men and I get that’s relatable to many wlw but when it’s the only type of storyline we ever get is... it gets old, idk. I’d love to watch a wlw story with no men involved, no straight sex scenes, no more “married woman cheats on her husband with a girl” or “lesbians break up so one of them goes and has sex with a man to get over the breakup”, no over-sexualization, just 2 women in love with 0 men between them at any point. I’m not saying that having that kind of past is not a common experience for many wlw, I’m just saying it’d be nice to have more exclusively wlw stories and more really lesbian characters. Because in an ideal reality, no lesbian should ever have to be involved with a man, and it’d be nice to see it at least in fiction, for a change. Gentleman Jack was great because Anne Lister was the first lesbian character I ever related to, I wish there were more like her, with no interest or involvement with men in any way ever. I also loved The haunting of bly manor because they handled the story so well and it didn’t feel like the typical “men forced in a wlw story” thing, so it can be done well if only they tried. Anyway I guess what I mean is that we don’t really have many lesbians in fiction, and there are even less wlw stories without men, so I consider we have so little representation and most of it is pretty bad... idk why you all think we have more representation now, we really, sadly don’t. I relate to the other person about not being able to enjoy “lesbian” media because it’s full of straight and unrelatable stuff in between tbh.

Responding to this message daaaaays later but I’m 100% sure I never said that there are many lesbians characters today, rather I said “more”, which is correct considered the fact that when I was a teenager I knew an exact total of one tv show with a lesbian couple, which was Naomi and Emily in Skins second generation (it was also my first lesbian ship, oh how time flies !), while I do agree with you on how there’s too many stories where men are involved and we really need to see more lesbian characters and lesbian relationships were men are nowhere to be seen I don’t think that there are many characters that are called “lesbians but are in fact canonically bisexuals”. For the most part we have characters whose sexual orientation isn’t stated, if there isn’t a clear coming out scene then we have to read between the lines to know what their sexual orientation is. If they have relationships that they enjoy with both men and women then the characters are bi women obviously, though the films/shows will rarely have the word “bisexual” be heard, yes we lack terribly representation of lesbians who call themselves lesbians (and lack just butch representation, that’s the worst of it all) and have zero men attached to their past, you seem to be considering lesbians who did have such a past (that they didn’t enjoy, they didn’t know their sexual orientation right away) as if they are not lesbians at all. I’ll just clear this out again, they aren’t bisexuals. 

There’s a difference between bi women and lesbians who (unconsciously or not) were trying to fit in with society pushing straight relationships on us, I wish this was different but studies show that gay men realize that they’re gay men sooner than lesbians realize that they’re lesbians (if I remember well gay men realize toward 16-17 years old, while lesbians do toward 19-20 years old). That being said yes again we absolutely need more lesbian representation without that past, without men in the vicinity of these characters’ relationships and just us knowing clearly what their sexual orientation are, it would be amazing !! The worst type of shit I saw was that film “The kids are alright”, I never want to see again a married woman cheating her wife with a man “just because”. Gentleman Jack and Bly Manor were indeed both really well written and the representation felt refreshing and Just Right ! 👌 Xx

[adarlingwrites]

Absolution

Summary:

noun: formal release from guilt, obligation, or punishment

The Capital Wasteland lauded the Lone Wanderer as a hero, a Messiah, a savior who's willing to give her life for the Good Fight. Beyond the legends, the propaganda, and the mythification that surrounded her legacy, there is only one person who knew her bare soul. She gave him his absolution, and now he will fight for hers.

V

February 5, 2278.

The doctor’s words sank in. No. It’s the other way around. I have no one else but her.

After that first incident with the Brotherhood, I had been more vigilant in protecting Percy more than ever. Dr. Li and the few scribes she had authorized are the only people allowed inside Percy’s room, and the scribes who are allowed in need to be accompanied by the doctor at all times, never unsupervised. There were people all over the wasteland whose lives she touched that wanted to see her. Some of the teenagers she helped in Big Town came by yesterday but they were turned away. Moira Brown, the annoying scientist who runs Craterside Supply in Megaton, came by too. She wasn’t allowed inside. Less work for me.

Dr. Li was in the middle of taking Percy’s blood pressure when the intercom crackled. “Dr. Li, there’s some kid insisting that they see Percy Zhou. I’m telling him to leave but he’s persistent.”

“Not another wastelander wanting to see her. It’s the fourth time today,” Dr. Li sighs, walking towards the intercom. “I thought I made myself clear the first time. No visitors.”

Then, the boy’s voice comes in, accompanied with a dog’s bark. “Hey! Don’t you know who I am? I’m the Butch DeLoria! Percy and I grew up together in the Vault! We’re even in a gang together! Let me i-”

“Get off that! Dr. Li should I-”

“He’s being truthful,” I finally say when the doctor starts massaging her temples.

“You know who he is? Can he be trusted?”

I weigh my options. On one hand, he can be, and he brought Percy’s dog with him. On the other hand, I would have to put up with that obnoxious piece of shit again.

“Yes.”

The doctor leans into the intercom. “Send him in.”

The door swings open and the Brotherhood grunts shove the guest in. He looks exactly the same as the first time I saw him, save for the wasteland grime and the white shirt and jeans he had in place of his vault suit underneath his leather jacket, identical to the one Percy wears when she’s not in her armor. Comb in hand, the pretty boy greaser fixed up his stupid pompadour. Percy’s dog bounds towards me, panting and wagging his tail.

Maybe this visit wouldn’t be so unpleasant after all.

“I said watch the hair, goddammit,” he snarls at the tin cans. They just shrugged and left.

“And who are you?” Dr. Li cuts in, holding a medical clipboard with a stern expression on her face. It resembles Percy’s, at times. Honestly, it’s weird.

“Butch DeLoria, y’know, the new barber in Rivet City? Percy’s gang leader? Anyway, where’s Percy? I brought Dogmeat with me, I thought that he’d- oh. Damn.”

DeLoria shut his damn mouth up when he saw Percy lying unconscious on the gurney, tubes attached to her body and living on life support. Her skin, though now free of burns, is still ghostly pale, and her lips still tinged blue. Her hair stopped falling off, but she still lost clumps. Breathing faint, still bleeding in some places, but alive.

“Perce, what happened to you?” he mumbles, walking over to her. His face sags and so does his shoulders. Pretty boy reached out to touch her, but I placed an arm to hold him back, and shook my head. Dogmeat sniffs his mistress' hand and I hold him off as well, which earned me a whine.

“Hey, what’s the big idea?”

“Her immune system is still compromised,” Dr. Li speaks up, wedging herself between Percy and us, and she puts her gloves on.

“Whaddaya mean, doc?”

“Persephone is suffering from aplastic anemia due to the radiation exposure damaging her bone marrow. It means her red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelet count are plummeting. Her body is too weak to ward off even the most benign infections. Platelet transfusions and antibiotics keep her protected but we can never be too careful. It’s miraculous she’s still alive and recovering well for someone who was exposed to a lethal dose of radiation.”

“Damn, doc, English please.” The greaser is starting to get on my nerves, and the doctor’s too. Secretly, I had hoped she would throw him out.

“She is vulnerable and you can kill her with your germs. Now please, one of the scribes will come in soon to clean and disinfect her bedpan and I need to administer some medication. Privacy would be appreciated.”

“Oh. Um. Okay. I’ll just hang with Charon here,” Butch replies. His shoulders sag even further.

“Charon, if you could please ensure that our guest behaves himself so I can tend to Persephone, it would be appreciated,” Dr. Li tells me.

Dammit.

For the first time since she was admitted, I left Percy’s room. Usually, I’d just turn around when the scribes come to clean up after her. Now, I’m stuck with this ass. I’m not sure if I should be relieved that he’s not being himself. The two of us sat in silence on a bench nearby, a seat apart, where Dogmeat sat down. The dog’s resting his head on my lap, and I pet his scarred face, remembering how Percy cried when we almost lost him to a deathclaw in Olney. I settled in my seat. Greaser boy didn’t.

“Hey,” he finally breaks the silence, much to my dismay. I’m not in a conversational mood. I just want to watch over my partner.

“Look man, I know you’re not much of a talker, but I need to get this out,” Butch speaks up, staring at his feet. “I don’t know if Percy ever talked about me, but, I’ve been an ass to her. I hurt her when we were kids, and I hurt her a lot.”

Pretty boy sniffs, lights a cigarette, and offers one to me as well. I take it, and he lights it for me. “Somehow she still had it in her to forgive me for being an ass and we became partners in crime. Then she loved me, trusted me, and I threw that away. Fuck, I’m surprised she still let me back into her life as a friend.”

“Where are you going with this?”

Silence.

DeLoria glares at me, a look of regret and envy in his eyes. What the hell?

“I saw how you look at her.”

“What.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“I had a hunch her joke about you being her new boyfriend wasn’t one. I should be insulted that Percy would rather be with a ghoul than me, but hey, as long as she’s happy huh?”

“What the fuck are you talking about.” The words were bitter and flat, coming from my mouth.

“Wait, I thought you two were together together.”

“What.”

DeLoria groans and palms at the back of the nape. “Man, Perce almost broke my jaw when I called you a zombie in the vault, remember? You two are obviously tight, then some of those Brotherhood assholes were talking about how she’s riding ghoul dick. I thought I put two and two together.”

I couldn’t help myself. I stood up and grabbed him by the collar, fuming. The cigarette falls from his mouth as I push him against the wall. “My partner is unconscious, barely alive, and a distasteful comment about her is the last thing I want to hear.”

I wanted to break his jaw for real. The kid smells like aftershave, cigarette smoke, and fresh, adrenalized sweat. All of the false bravado he had drained from his face.

“Whoa, calm down! Don’t shoot the messenger, geez. I’m an ass, but I’d be the last to talk shit about Percy. Not after what she’s been through. Take it out on the Brotherhood, not me!”

“What else are they saying?”

“Well, one of them called you a freak, a zombie, a cradle-robbing corpse, a-”

“I do not concern myself with what they say about me. What did they say about my partner?”

“They called her a bleeding heart, a ghoul fucker and a mutant lover, I don’t know, dammit. I just got here, remember?”

I let him go before I hurt him with my misplaced anger. We pick up our fallen cigarettes. DeLoria straightens his jacket.

“Man, you’re too intense. Chill, won’t you?” He tosses a stick of bubblegum to me and I catch it with one hand. “Here. I was supposed to bring ‘em for Percy but, yeah. I didn’t know she ain’t awake. Guy on the radio just said that she’s alive thanks to you.”

I grunted in acknowledgement, and unwrapped the bubblegum. Damn sugar is going to rot my teeth, and I’m fortunate enough to still have most of them, but I couldn’t help it. It’s a habit I picked up from travelling with my partner. I pop it in my mouth and sit back down on the bench, contemplating.

What DeLoria told me explains the weight behind Li’s words when she said that she didn’t care what the nature of my relationship with my partner was. Percy cleaned up the wasteland, started the damn purifier, and almost died as a result, and she receives not a single ounce of respect. Just because she chose to be associated with me.

I can’t help but resent the Brotherhood even more. Ungrateful bastards.

“Dammit, I’m not good with this heart-to-heart bullshit. I don’t care, just… never stop taking care of Percy, okay?”

I nod at him. He's resting his head on his hands. “Screw it, I’m off. I’ll try to visit again soon. I’ll leave the dog here. If- when she wakes up, tell her I’ll do her hair for her. It’s a mess.”

DeLoria finally stands up and dusts his jacket. He walks away wordlessly, head hung low on his shoulders.

Once again, I’m left with my thoughts.

I pondered on the rumors about our relationship.

Percy is the first friend I made in a long time. My condition did not bother her. She went out of her way to put any bigot in their place, even when their words had no effect on me. She shared with me her bubblegum, Nuka-Cola, her books, the roof over her head, and a whole lot more. She’s my first employer who treated me as an equal, and the only to grant me freedom from my contract.

Percy cannot be harboring feelings for an old, damaged ghoul like me. Hell, her ex-boyfriend is a pretty boy. I can’t fucking compete with that. She, as Carol said, is a pretty, young smoothskin. A happy future with a smoothskin spouse is what she deserves. A liaison with me would be terrible for her. Ghouls already face enough bigotry on a daily basis. Merely being accused of fucking one can have dire consequences for a smoothskin. Bigots will lynch her, whether I did touch her or not.

She doesn’t deserve that.

She deserves better than me.

I crushed the cigarette under my heel and grimaced. I went back inside Percy’s room after Dr. Li gave me the all-clear, Dogmeat following close behind. At the foot of her bed, I sat once more, this time with a mutt on my lap. I look at Percy’s sleeping form, the tubes, and the medical equipment.

I need to hear her laugh again. I need to touch her. I need to hold her hand, and close it around mine. I need to feel her warmth pressed against my chest. I need to feel her lips against my ruined mouth again, just like in the rotunda.

In the five months I knew her, Percy stirred something in me, and I did my best to hold it in. I was scared; it’s unfamiliar.

The kiss she gave me before she went in the purifier forced me to confront the truth. Everything I had suppressed rushed to the surface.

Is it love?

Whatever it is, it gave me hope.

It ruined me.

[twig-wig]

Even though I often don’t feel confident enough to use my own words to support the causes I believe in, I try to make sure I share the words of other people to my small audience. However, I feel I can’t stay silent on the issue that is currently brewing with J.K. Rowling at the centre. I’m not the most eloquent and this has turned out much longer than intended, and probably quite disjointed. But the transgender community is near and dear to my heart. I can no longer be content with standing by and allow other people to speak. I need to add my voice to the conversation.

I was born and grew up as a girl with a different name. My parents were both kind and accepting people, encouraging me to be who I wanted to be. Even if society tried to push me into a box they never did. As a child I saw myself as a tomboy; I enjoyed playing guitar, masculine clothing, and getting down and dirty at Scouts. I hit puberty young and that was when my inner turmoil started. I saw myself as ‘one of the boys’ and the changes happening to my body weren’t welcome ones. This started an ongoing battle with my self image that I am still fighting today but thankfully I feel I am finally winning. As I met more people in my teenage years I outgrew my ‘one of the boys’ mindset and tried to embrace my female-ness, but something still didn’t feel right. Eventually in the summer of 2017, aged 19, I came out as transgender. I had been using the name Finn online for a while at that point and chose that as my new name, started using male pronouns, and started binding and looking into medical transition. I spoke to two gender therapists over the following years and was officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I was also recommended for hormone treatment as that was what I had expressed an interest in and was going to be able to start that as soon as I was ready. Around the same time I was offered hormones I met my current boyfriend who helped me get more comfortable with myself and I paused to think about my identity. In the years I have been with him I have since come to realise that whilst I don’t identify as a transgender man, I do still experience gender dysphoria and believe that I would be happiest somewhere in the middle. There are aspects of my body that I am uncomfortable with in a way that only transgender people will understand. It’s not simply the uncomfortable facts of being human such as body hair and odour or the pain of menstruation. It feels tangibly wrong. This isn’t how my body is meant to be or to function and it makes me feel so awful that it transcends the issue of body positivity many people face.

Socially I am a detransitioned transgender man. If you were to ask people would call me a girl and refer to me with she/her pronouns, however, in an ideal world that is not how I would be perceived. I have a great deal of anxiety in social situations and I am not brave enough to request that the people I meet use neutral pronouns for me and avoid referring to me as male/female, nor am I brave enough to ask that of even my friends. I have made my peace with the words that people use for me as I hope that one day when my physical appearance aligns more with how I feel inside and the world has progressed to be more accepting of non-binary people I can garner the courage to claim that part of my identity.

The reason I feel the need to put this out there is that J.K. Rowling has taken it upon herself, a cisgender woman, to speak for the trans community and proclaim that the most vocal portion of the community is damaging. My years spent as a trangender male have made me stronger, more confident, and more aware of who I am and how I identify. They were not a mistake, they were a part of my growth as a person. My struggle with my gender identity has been long and hard. I’ve fallen on many sides of the debate through the years, even holding views at one point that were transphobic. Which is exactly why I feel qualified to tell J.K. Rowling and others like her that they are wrong.

Rowling thinks that the transgender movement is aiming to “erode the legal definition of sex and replace it with gender”. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I cannot speak for all transgender individuals, we are a varied group with a myriad of opinions, but the main push is for sex to not be the defining characteristic on legal documentation. Why do our drivers licenses or passports need to make people aware of the chromosomes we likely possess, or the genitals we were born with? They don’t. It is none of Rowling’s, or anyone else's, business that I was born female. It is an unfortunate reality for transgender people that, no matter how far they medically transition, their body may never be exactly how it would be for someone born male/female. Sex is biological, it is how you are born. You may be male, female, or be born with something that makes it harder to define your sex such as Klinefelter’s or Turner’s. That biological fact you are born with is not of importance to anyone but your doctor. The only thing that the law and anyone else should be interested in is your gender, how you identify, and this is what we wanted reflected on legal documentation. She also laments how easy it is to get a gender recognition certificate now, that you only need identify as a woman/man to get it changed and, *gasp*, you don’t even need to medically transition! But that is exactly how it should be. Medical transition is not a requirement. Some people may choose not to and some people may not be able to. It does not make them any less who they say they are. And again, who cares what’s on their documentation? What exactly is that going to change about your life? Absolutely nothing.

She also expresses a concern for a “huge explosion” in AFAB (assigned female at birth) people transitioning, and subsequently the increase in AFAB people detransitioning. As one of those people I can say with confidence that I do not think this is not due to any kind of brainwashing or misguided feelings. It is due to the fact that in the age of the internet information is more freely available to us. As I mentioned, my parents were incredibly accepting people. I grew up knowing two lovely trans women, however for some reason I was not aware that AFAB people could be transgender too and transition into men. This is something I have heard many trans men express, and my therapists both commented that it was a common reason for why people like me had not begun transitioning earlier in life. I can’t deny that the increased awareness and acceptance of transgender people will lead to some mistakenly identifying as transgender. Butch women and effeminate men exist and many are perfectly comfortable with their sex, however some may have issues with their self image or identity that can lead to them questioning their gender identity. But allowing people to explore their gender identity is a good thing. Medical decisions should not be taken lightly of course, and I believe there is a discussion to be had about making sure that we do not allow people to make those decisions without speaking to professionals, but that is a different debate that I do not wish to get into now. However, having said that, the choice to medically transition is the choice of the individual. No doctor can tell you what is best for you, they can only help guide you to the right decision. The correct response to the increase in people identifying as transgender is not to invalidate them and tell them they cannot ever be “real” men or women, or accuse the transgender community of poisoning the minds of the youth. We should instead seek to be better educating our children, increasing the quality and availability of resources for transgender people, and providing everyone with the tools they need to discover who they are and make the right choices for themselves.

Defining women by their biology is a harmful ideology to hold, not just for transgender women but also for cisgender women. Womanhood is not reliant on whether or not you have a uterus. She is right in that it is also not defined by a love of pink or shoes. How to define womanhood (and manhood) is a difficult and nuanced conversation, one that I do not feel yet able to have. But an easy way to tell is if you feel and know in your heart that you are a woman then you are and you can claim womanhood. She takes issue with referring to women as “menstruators” or “people with vulvas”. It was actually the phrase “people who menstruate” that offended her enough to start this whole debacle. Women is a useful phrase, and it does need to be used when talking about women’s rights in general. But the article in question was talking specifically about menstruation. When menstruation is the issue at hand I cannot understand at all how referring to that fact is a bad thing. Trans men and non-binary AFAB people who menstruate need to be included in the conversation; menstruation is not a topic that is solely for women.

Lastly, she tried to speak out for women who were abused that are being “wronged” by the inclusion of trans women in women’s spaces. I understand more than most how hard it can be to recover and trust those who may remind you of your abuser because I have been there. I understand the need for safe spaces away from anything that may trigger you. But transwomen are not all going to trigger those who were abused by men, unless of course you still view them as men. Maybe a trans woman has a deeper voice or more masculine facial features that remind you of your abuser and that triggers you. That is not a personal attack against her, it is an unfortunate result of your abuse, but a cisgender woman may also have a deeper voice or masculine facial features that trigger you. If that’s the case then of course you need to decide for yourself whether you need to remove yourself from the environment for your mental well being. However, if you enter a woman’s space that has a trans woman in it and you demand her removal on the basis that she was born biologically male you are nothing short of transphobic. Whilst, yes, allowing trans women into these spaces would theoretically allow for predators to pretend to be transgender to access vulnerable women it simply does not happen. I can’t point to any studies to prove this, but I feel common sense says that the likelihood of a predatory man pretending to be a woman to access women's only spaces is much less than a predatory woman accessing these spaces. The world is a scary place filled with horrible people and it is impossible to barricade against all possibilities of harm. Barring trans women from these spaces is not going to solve the problem that horrible people exist and protect you from them. It will only harm trans women.

Gender is hard. It can be complicated. Especially for those older who are having to change how they think. But all that we ask is that you respect transgender peoples identities and pronouns, that you use inclusive language, and that you don’t fight against our rights to simply exist in this world with the right name and gender on our papers. It’s really not that hard to just be a decent person.

[thrillerwillroll]

I went to the Parisian feminist & lgbti book shop Violette and Co yesterday, to hear Céline Sciamma talk about Portrait of a Laday on Fire. I didn’t get to see her because there was so many people in the small bookshop, and because she took the time to talk with each person during the DVD signing.

But I did get to hear her talk about lesbian culture, cinema, lesbian cinema, feminism, and feminism in movies. I’ll try to put some things I remember.

[About Blue is the Warmest Color (La Vie d’Adèle)] “I think... Like you all, that this movie was a nap-time...”

“You could show an equal relationship between a man and a woman in a movie, that would be called science-fiction.”

“Today we have reached 700 000 entries worldwide.”

“My teenage years are that of a lesbian with no broadband. A place like Violette&co saves lives. But it cost 15 francs to get there.“

She said that sometimes journalists and such tell her “you story is about two women, but it could be about two men, or a man and a woman” to which she answers that no, it’s not the same.

She also said that sometimes men said this movie reflects more their relationship with their wives than any “straight” movie they’ve seen, and she’s like “well good for you, but it wasn’t made for you”.

In the original version, the characters always use the formal “you” (”vous” instead of “tu”) because it was more standard at the time, even between parents and children (it is not the case anymore, except in a few very welth and old-fashioned families (believe me, I’ve met some!)). There are only one moment between Marianna and Héloïse, one between Héloïse and her mother, and one between Sophie and Marianne or Héloïse (I’m not sure), when the “tu” is used, making the scene more intimate. When the movie came out in Russia, a journalist told Céline “the movie was translated only with the “tu”, I’m sorry I know it wasn’t what you meant to say”.

Céline Sciamma seems like a very interesting and chill person, she said a lot of great things. I really loved hearing her, even if I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to actually see her and talked to her.

I still did get a DVD! And also the book Stone Butch Blues and an amazing magazine about the entire history of lesbian rep in TV shows that I can’t wait to read.

[hydra-collector]

early morn i find a home

Part 2/4 of my diner stories series

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Pairings: Platonic Prinxiety

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Roman Sanders

TW: self-harm, mentioned abuse, depression

Words: 1,317

Summary: Roman suddenly has a huge problem to deal with, but a waiter’s there to help.

Note: This is probably not realistic. Or maybe it’s just luck.

The diner was silent as Virgil replaced the salt on the last table. He doubted there would be many customers after 2:00 AM, whether it be because it's 2:00 AM or the diner has a 2.5 star rating. He was sure there were a couple other reasons as well.

That's why he jumped when the door's annoying jingle sounded and a teenager around his age walked in. He immediately made his way to the back of the diner, ignoring Virgil.

Was he- crying?

The kid proceeded to sit down at a booth and slam his head onto the table, sobbing into his Letterman sleeves.

Virgil stood a bit shocked, but he'd seen weirder. He set down the salt, half full and made his way to the booth. He pushed down his anxiety. This person obviously needed help.

"Um," he said while sitting down across from the sobbing person before him, "are you okay?"

Stupid question. Of course not.

The boy sobbed harder, and Virgil let him. He soon took off his jacket, revealing blood, bruises and scars on his arms to use the wet Letterman as a pillow.

"Oh my- I'll get something to wrap that-"

The boy weakly objected, but doing so seemed to only make him cry harder. Virgil trembled as he rushed to the back room, fumbling the First Aid kit from its high shelf.

When he returned, the boy was somewhat calmer, but jumped when Virgil tapped him to ask if he could give him his arm. Reluctantly, he held it out and Virgil started wrapping it.

He couldn't help but notice the amount of scars left on this boy's body, and the new deep cuts that would surely make more. He taped the ends and the boy turned his head sideways on the table to look at it.

"Do… you wanna talk?" It felt awkward asking this as a stranger, but he supposed it was the best he could do.

"I-" the boy choked, "I got kicked out," he looked ready to cry again, "of my house, I, I don't have a home, I don't have money, I have nowhere to go, I don't know what to do-"

"Hey, it's, it's okay. Do- do you need food? Have you eaten today?"

"I don't have any money-"

"No, it's okay, don't worry about it."

Virgil gazed at the kid's tear-stained face until he got a slight nod. He proceeded to prepare some bacon and toast (their breakfast was better than anything else) and a milkshake, because even if it wasn't the best milkshake, this kid looked like he could use one.

Virgil brought it over and set it down. The boy started eating slowly, but gaining speed. He finished quickly and stared at the table anxiously.

"When was the last time you ate?"

He mumbled "last night" almost quiet enough that Virgil couldn't hear.

"Oh my God- I'll get you more food."

"You don't have to, I'm already wasting it."

"It's not a waste, I swear."

Virgil gave him a more substantial sandwich, which he did eat a little slower than the bacon and toast. When he finished, he laid his arms crossed against the table and put his head on them, flinching presumably from pain before settling down.

"If you need anything, just tell me."

"What I need is a house," he whispered, “sorry.”

"No, it's fine."

Virgil was greeted with silence, so he spoke again.

"What's your name?"

The boy sighed. "Roman. Like my parents would ever call me that, though."

"Um, if you don't mind sharing, why'd they kick you out?"

Roman choked back tears before he couldn't. He began repeatedly slamming his head on the table, far too hard to be healthy. Virgil tried his best to put his hand between his head and the table, and Roman soon grew tired of trying and let his head fall limp on Virgil's hand.

"They kicked me out because I was trans. Well, that and the point they've made many times that I'm a worthless piece of shit," he gestured vaguely to bruises on his shoulder.

"Decided I was gonna finally cut my hair and wear my fucking binder with them. They didn't take it very well. God, I'm so stupid," he said, resuming attempts to give himself a concussion.

Virgil instead, this time, held Roman's head away from the table, who started crying again.

"If it's any consolation… you pass really well.” Virgil rubbed his neck awkwardly. “When I first cut my hair I just looked like a butch lesbian."

Virgil cautiously let Roman's head go, and to his relief it looked up at Virgil instead.

"You're trans too?!?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. I was dumb when I picked a name like 'Virgil,' though. You picked a nice name. Roman."

"You named yourself after a poet?!"

Roman looked delighted at this news, but it didn't last for long.

"If I even mentioned any masculine names, my mom or dad would fucking beat me. Whoever was there, usually."

"Holy shit. I can't imagine having to deal with that. It's way too much for anyone to ever go through."

Roman mumbled a small "I probably deserve it," before going silent again, tracing the patterns on his cup with his finger, watching the ice melt.

“No, you don’t! You don’t deserve to be hurt like that!”

“You sure? I’m kinda a shitty person.”

“I promise you’re not. If anything you’ve said to me means anything at all.”

A silence fell over them for a few minutes.

"What am I going to do?"

Virgil thought for a moment, looking at the person in front of him. His hair was ruffled and messy, and his eyes were puffy from crying. He glanced at the bandages holding back most of the blood, and the binder strap peeking through his shirt. One earring hung out of his ear, the other seemingly ripped out in someone's anger. His jacket was almost bloody and stained, his shirt not faring much better. Once-twinkling eyes stared dully at their hand, shaking against its glass absently. On one hand, they were basically strangers. On the other, this kid just got kicked out of his house. He had nothing.

"I know we literally just met, but, I mean I don't know, it wouldn't be a guarantee, but I bet my mom would- might let you stay at our house, at least for a little bit. I mean, I don't know, maybe she wouldn't, we’re not exactly rich, but she really cares about LGBT+ youth and if you got a job you might be able to afford a small apartment with someone once you're a legal adult, I doubt she'd mind until then, I mean how old are you? Sorry, I just, wanna help."

Roman looked on the verge of tears, smiling acutely at Virgil.

"S-same thing with the 'don't know you very well', but I could," he paused, "really use a hug right now. Of course like, don’t feel pressured-"

Virgil obliged instantly, switching sides of the booth to give his new friend a tight, long hug. Roman started crying again, but this time he had a real, full, wide smile on his face. He leaned into it, hugging back like his life depended on it.

"Thanks for your offer, but I wouldn't wanna be a hassle or anything or waste your family's money-"

"It's okay. If she's really concerned about that, which I'm sure she won't be, I can use the money I earn here. I won't let you be homeless."

"You'd really do that for someone you met at 2AM at a diner?"

"You need it, and I can provide it."

Roman started crying happy tears, grinning like he'd never been this happy before. From what Virgil could tell, he probably hadn't. Roman could barely believe it.

Not only would he be living in a house, but a home.

[nelllraiser]

jailbreak | marley & nell

LOCATION: the wcpd precinct.  PARTIES: @detectivedreameater​ and @nelllraiser. SUMMARY: nell and marley show travis who’s boss.

Being found in the back of a police cruiser wasn’t exactly a foreign experience for Nell, especially when it was either Red or Bo’s. This evening, it had been Red’s and she’d been caught trespassing. Honestly at this point, it was somewhat amusing for her, and she didn’t even really try to run anymore at times. After all, if she ran she wouldn’t get to harass Red from the back of their police car. Still, it was a little inconvenient to be trapped in the holding cell after being brought in, just waiting to be let loose. But...she was fairly tired of waiting, patience having never been a virtue of her’s. Thus was how she’d ended up half hanging out the ground level window that was in the very top corner of the cell, a good nine feet in the air with nothing around it to climb on. It was one of those basement windows that were far too small to ever be considered an escape route, but here was Nell with her shoulders already through, trying to pull herself the rest of the way out, taking this moment to thank her small stature for once in her life. 

Smoking was bad, and Marley had heard it enough times to have picked out a few spots in the alley where no one would see her. Finishing off the last drag, she flicked the butt away spritzed herself with whatever spray she had swiped off Jane’s desk the other day so that she didn’t immediately smell of nicotine. But as she rounded the corner from her little secret alcove, she spotted something she had never expected to see, even here in White Crest. Someone was crawling out of one of the holding cell windows. Which was truly amazing for several reasons, one of which being that they were at least 8 feet off the ground, and another being the bars of pure steel that lined the window. “Hello there,” she said, striding up in front of the girl, not bothering to crouch, “can I help you with something?” Crossed her arms in a way that let her jacket ride up a bit, displaying the badge on her hip.

The bars had certainly proved to be a little inconvenient, but after using just a bit of magic, it was easy enough to slide a couple of them out of place, and sneak between the minuscule opening she’d made. The crunch of boots was unmistakable, and hard to miss, but it was already too late when Nell heard a voice from above, and all she could think to say for a moment was, “God? Is that you?” The shit-eating grin on her lips probably wasn’t the best way to sell the question, but she didn’t think the woman with the police badge would have fallen for it either way. It was more meant as a troll-like move, anyway. She should probably say something else, though. “No, I’m good. Thanks, though. But I think I could definitely help you. Do you see these bars? Very unstable. Unsturdy, even. Pretty much anyone could get out of here. You’re lucky I caught it when I did.”

Arms still crossed, Marley just raised a brow. “Uh-huh,” she said flatly, tilting her head as she looked at the girl. No older than 25 probably. She’d seen her around the precinct before, but never bothered with it. Domestic issues weren’t her department. “Well, thanks so much for letting me know, but I think the window bars inspection was scheduled for tomorrow actually.” She took a step back so she could see her better and leaned against the dumpster. “But please, do continue,” motioned with her good hand, “I’d love to hear what other excuses you can come up with.”

Nell hadn’t really expected the woman to believe her story, but it was still far too fun to go along with it as she spoke once more. “Huh- no, no, it was definitely meant to be today.” In tandem, she looked at the wrist of one of the arms she’d freed from the window, no watch in sight for her to possibly consult. “Honestly I’m insulted that you would think- that I would- me, of all people, could possibly be doing something that isn’t what I say I’m doing.” Of course, the other woman had absolutely no reason to believe anything of Nell either way, this having been the beginning of a previously clean slate. “Who are you, anyway? I thought I knew most of the cops.”

Marley had to admit, it took guts to continue a bold-faced lie to a cop while you were sticking out of a precinct window, half stuck. And, admittedly, it made her like this girl even more. Smirking, she quirked a brow. “Oh, my bad,” was all she said, shrugging. She didn’t admit the fault in her ruse, but the next question came anyway. “Detective Stryder. I don’t uh-- usually stick around the office all that much,” she said, tilting her head. Red eyes watched the girl from behind sunglasses. “So are you gonna tell me how you scaled an eight foot wall with no holds or steps or should I just start guessing, Houdini?”

Thankfully, this didn’t seem like one of those stick up their asses, rulebook thumping cops that got off on flexing their perceived power on any mere mortal they might come across. And this Detective Stryder didn’t particularly seem to mind that Nell was hanging out of a holding cell window. “Detective? That’s an odd thing to name a child. No offense.” It wasn’t a stretch to say that one of Nell’s favorite past times was poking fun at any member or affiliate of the WCPD she met, Winston included. “Why aren’t you in the office much, though?” Even now, halfway through a window, it seemed that Nell’s nosiness was alive and well. She shrugged as much as her position could allow before going on to say, “I’m really good at gymnastics. Even went to state a few times.” Nevertheless, the Houdini comment earned an uptick of the corners of her mouth, amused that Stryder was unknowingly rather close to the truth.

“My parents were horribly unimaginitive,” Marley said with an exaggerated frown and wave of her hand. “Too bad I turned out to be a professional balloon artist. Really confuses people when I introduce myself.” Whoever this window child was, Marley was amused. She’d needed some fun in her life, after being stuck on desk duty for so long. And she still had so many desk days ahead of her. Plus, the witty banter helped. Reminded her a little of herself as a teenager, though Marley had never gotten stuck in a window. Intangibility helped with that, though. “Because it’s boring as fuck in there,” she said, rolling her eyes, “all those stuck up officers. I’m not exactly the most liked member of the squad.” She admitted through clenched teeth and a dull shrug. “A gymnastics star? Are you saying I’m in the presence of a famous athlete? Oh, please, can I have your autograph?” 

“I mean- it’s original to say the least,” she quipped back, rather amused with this banter. “So are you just some sort of self fulfilling prophecy then? You said well my parents named me this, so I guess this is what I’ll be?” Nell acted as if she were heavily involved in the conversation, like her words weren’t solely a means of finding amusement. The woman’s explanation seemed valid enough, though, and Nell simply placed her chin in her hands, still hanging through the window, but looking as if she were simply shooting the breeze at a bar top. “Ah well- half of them are little shits, anyway. Fuck them, amirite? Who wants to fit in with a bunch of narcs, anyway?” Maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to essentially say ‘fuck cops and the law’ to a detective but...here she was. What were they going to do, anyway? Put her in a holding cell? But she quickly brightened, taking on her next personality without so much as blinking. “Oh, you know me,” she said with an award winning smile, “anything for my fans,” and proceeded to hold out her arms as if looking for a pen and paper. 

“Don’t give them credit for my name,” Marley said, as if offended, “we were supposed to agree that it’s a terrible name. We were bonding over this.” She was enjoying watching the girl act nonchalant, as if this were totally normal and like this was a completely okay thing. She decided in that moment that she was going to help her out once she felt like it, and let her go. She definitely deserved the credit. “Mmmm, you said it. I can’t actually say it, something about like--” held up her hands in quotes-- “‘unprofessional conduct’. But pretend I did say it and that I do agree.” After all, Marley hadn’t become a cop to be a stickler or a boot licker, as Online Butch liked to call her. She’d done it because she was good at it and she was one of the only ones out there who could control the supernatural gone awry. And although this girl was probably something along those categories, she didn’t much care to find out what or why. She liked this, instead. “Oh, really? Gosh, you’re just the greatest,” she said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a pen. She came over to her finally and bent down, holding out her hand. “Right here, right next to the sling so people see it.” Too busy keeping up the witty banter to notice someone coming around the corner.

“I didn’t say it was good!” Nell said with added passion to her tone. “I think Mikayleigh is an original name and so does the Susan who named her, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s good.” But then, that teasing smirk was back, the glint reignited in her eyes. “Oh, we’re bonding now? I didn’t know you were so soft, Stryder.” Her eye roll was quick to follow, sharing very much the same feelings on people who thought certain ‘conducts’ weren’t appropriate. Honestly, Nisa probably could have made a terrific police officer. “Who cares about conduct if you get shit done.” It was true, wasn’t it? What did the means matter if you caught the bad guy? “I won’t rat on you, though. I’m not a cop,” she offered in dry sarcasm, apparently still far too ready to poke some fun at Marley’s profession. “But I know, right?” she began, offering that lofty tone once more. “All my fans say that about me. I’m so glad you saw it, too.” Nell didn’t hesitate to sign the woman’s arm, not actually entirely foreign to the concept. There were some people at the Ring who loved to have signatures, and well— Nisa had made all of them practice signatures when they’d been young, no doubt preparing them for their lucrative career as stage magicians. Once she was done, the voice of a man rang out. “What the- who let the Vural girl out?” Nell’s frown along with a disapproving and dismissive look was quick to find the newly appeared cop as she simply said, “Keep moving, Travis.”

“Uugh, Susan,” Marley scoffed. “I hate Susan and her vegan family rights and Mikayleigh who’s in the honor roll and choir.” They all knew someone like that, didn’t they? Experience really was universal, in that way, though Marley doubted individual experience was anything like that. She shrugged. “Must be all the pain meds I’m on. Or that you just don’t know me, considering we just met, Houdini.” She looked at the signature once it was done-- noticed the practiced hand at it, and wondered if perhaps this girl really was the next Houdini-- before turning to look at the newcomer. “Yeah, Travis,” she said, “keep moving. I let her out because I needed help with checking out this window. Someone said it was accessible from the inside and I wanted to make sure before I told Sarge. And, well, lookit that!” she pointed at Nell, still stuck in the window, “it is! Cool, great. Thanks for your concern, but you can leave now. I’ve got this.”

Nell’s own face was a rather accurate representation of the slanted face emoticon she so often used online when she said, “Um, vegans have rights, too,” in the most valley-girl accent she could muster. “And you’re forgetting she’s also captain of the volleyball team.” At the mention of pain meds, Nell’s gaze went back to the injured arm, curiosity striking once again. “What happened? To your arm, I mean.” Meanwhile, Travic paused at the edge of the scene, as if uncertain whether or not he wanted to tangle with either of the girls today. Nell quickly stretched out her arms into the dirt, as if trying to grab purchase there. Slowly, but surely, she inch-wormed her way out of the window and onto the ground, straightening herself to stand next to Marley. “Lookit that!” she echoed, her arms posed in a sort of ta-da motion. “Good thing we caught that, isn’t it?” Travis didn’t seem all that sold on the concept, but decided that he’d rather not deal with whatever was happening here, today. “Whatever,” he replied grumpily. “Just don’t make me do the paperwork for it. And I’m throwing you under the bus if this comes back to bite me in the ass.”

Marley frowned, turning to look at Travis. “No you won’t, Travis,” she said flatly, glaring at him from behind her aviators. “Because I know,” she nodded at the cup in his hands, tapping an invisible one in the air, “what you’ve really got in that cup.” At that, Travis clammed up, looked around, then backed away. “Fucking hell,” he said, before turning, “fine.” And bolting. Marley nodded to herself before turning to look back at Houdini. “You know, there’s a lot less of you than I thought there would be,” she said out loud, turning to face her fully. “But I gotta hand it to you, that was one neat trick. Where’d you learn to do that? For real?” She looked down at her arm, tired of having to explain she was attacked by a fucking zombie mime of all things and just muttered, “I hate mimes.” 

Nell grinned as Travis fled, always enjoying a cop on the run— especially after he’d been told off by another girl cop in badass leather boots. But that amusement quickly turned to indignance, arms crossing over her chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” she asked, brows drawn together. “Only tall people can escape holding cells?” As for the secret to her escape….well— she couldn’t give that up so easily with Miriam still skulking around. So she shrugged, seemingly more serious about her words than she’d been about her previous, joking excuses. “They really were loose. And I really am good at climbing shit. So you’re welcome for the free check-up.” But if the mimes had been to blame for the woman’s injury...well there was obviously something supernatural about the fuckers, so the detective had to at least know there was something not normal going on in town, right? “Was it one of those uh- have you heard of all the people running around talking about clone mimes or something?”

Marley just shrugged at the girl’s indignance. “I dunno, just thought you’d be taller,” she said, waving her hand in a flat line at the approximate height she’d assumed. “Guess you do kinda have short girl energy, though. All that sass in one little body.” She grinned. She’d gone through something similar, having always been a small child, even through her teenage years. She’d really only reached her peak in her early twenties, and the boots helped, too. “Ah, sure, sure. I’m sure they were magically loose in the one cell you happened to be in,” she said, putting emphasis on the word magic. It was a more likely explanation than this girl being the Hulk. The bars weren’t bent, after all, so superstrength was out of the picture. “Anyway, please don’t remind me of the mimes. I had to deal with reports about them and them specifically on three different occasions in one week and in that week one of them broke my arm.” She glanced at the watch on her wrist. “You may also wanna scoot along here soon, I believe the shift change is coming, right?”

“Short girl energy?!” Nell burst out once more, indigence on her face. “My energy is the furthest thing from short! Or you know what- if being a badass means you have short girl energy— I guess you’re right.” She couldn’t deny the comment about sass in a small body, though. After all...was that not her to a tee? Nell simply let vague uncertainty cross over her features, as if she weren’t sure what Marley were trying to get at. After a lifetime of pretending like she didn’t have magic when it mattered, Nell was rather adept at playing the part. A shrug tugged at her shoulders before she went on to say, “I don’t know- they weren’t loose the last time I was in the last time I was in there. Not that I….come here often...or check them often.” It was pretty obvious she was in the clear with Marley, so Nell didn’t mind adding the last bit in to corroborate her story. “The mimes are literal pieces of shit, and I wouldn’t be mad if they were wiped off the face of White Crest. But sure- I’ll see you around, then.” Nell didn’t need another officer with more backbone than Travis to come by. With a wave, she sauntered off, glad to know that there was at least another decently cool cop on the force.

Marley chuckled, shaking her head. “I said what I said,” was her only response to Nell’s rebuttal. And though she could sense the fib in her words, or lackthereof, she decided to let it go for now. Nell could keep her secrets. Marley could at least understand the danger in telling them to anyone who asked. But she was bound to figure it out, anyway. Instead, as Nell backed away, she just gave a wave. “See you around, Houdini,” she called after her, before turning to look back at the window that still had missing bars. She was no spellcaster, so instead, she just took a trash can lid and stuck in front of the window for now. She’d tell Sarge about it later, with some egregious explanation so he wouldn’t think too much of it in an attempt to get her to stop saying weird things. It always worked. And then she stood up and headed back inside for another round of paperwork-- damn, she really shoulda asked Houdini if she was as good at fixing things as she was at breaking them.

[for-southendgirls]

Do you have any lesbian movie recs? Or movie/show recs at all? You have good taste! Also, I just watched the movie Tru Love about a lesbian and an older woman and while the writing could be stronger is self produced/acted &, made me feel and 'aw,' (could be the pms tho lmao) idk you might like it. :)

Thanks for asking for my opinion! It’s always super flattering when people compliment my taste. Funny that you mentioned Tru Love. When I first saw it, I was like “What kind of poorly written bullshit…” but then I watched it a second time and I cried like a baby. It’s one of my all time favorites now. 

I don’t want to give too much away, but here are some of the ones that stick out to me:

Grandma (2015) 💝👭 I don’t care what you’re doing with your life right now, watch this film. To this day, I am still angry that Lily Tomlin did not win an Oscar for this film, let alone get nominated for one. She plays this Bella Abzug loving, old school, rad lesbian poet who has to drive her teenage granddaughter to go get an abortion. It’s an amazing film, doesn’t demoralize the granddaughter, has an older lesbian actress (!) playing an older lesbian character (!), a May-December gay romance with Judy Greer as the girlfriend! Like, c’mon now. 12/10 would recommend. 

Cloudburst (2012) 🔪 Speaking of older lesbians and road trips, there’s this film. I didn’t know that I wanted to see Olympia Dukakis play an old butch until… I got to see Olympia Dukakis play an old butch. It’s one of those you’ll-feel-happy-but-sad-and-then-happy-again films. Replace “granddaughter” with old, sick femme wife and “abortion” with marriage license in Canada and you get this film. 

Mädchen in Uniform (1931) 📖🏆 Okay, super problematic plot by today’s standards that absolutely does nothing to quell the fact that lesbians aren’t predators but like, who among us hasn’t had a crush on one of our teachers? If anyone ever tells you to watch Loving Annabelle, slap them and watch this instead. Beautiful cinematography, especially for it’s time – and both of the main actresses are so pretty. 

Desert Hearts (1986) 📖💝🏆 Known as one of the the first lesbian movies with a happy ending! I don’t want to reveal much about the plot, but I like to call it “Yeehaw Carol”. Fun Fact: Lily Tomlin actually helped fund this movie! 

A Perfect Ending (2012) 🔪👭 Okay, so if you like PwP fanfiction, this movie is basically for you. It makes no sense whatsoever, it has one of the most egregious cases of Kill Your Dykes that I’ve ever seen come from a lesbian director, and it has a Lifetime made-for-television-esque quality to it, but like… it has that older woman/younger woman thing that we all know and love as well as one of the longest sex scenes I think I’ve ever seen on film, so watch it. Pull up a few lesbo friends, gather some snacks and drinks of choice, and just watch this and laugh (or cry – I won’t judge you). 

High Art (1998) 🔪👭🍆 This is a fictionalized, veiled account of the life of photographer Nan Goldin. Ally Sheedy is in it. Patricia Clarkson isn’t playing someone’s mom, but rather, is playing Ally Sheedy’s German, heroin-addicted, washed up former actress girlfriend. It’s all very 90s heroin chic cinema and once again, has Kill Your Dykes in it, but it’s the first lesbian film I ever saw from a lesbian director and that made it special for me.

Serving in Silence: The Margarethe Cammermeyer Story (1995) 📖💝 Oh what can I say? Glenn Close in military uniform, Judy Davis getting to play someone (dare I say) adorable for once, happy ending… what more could you want? If you’re not American, this story probably won’t resonate as much with you, but Grethe Cammermeyer became famous when she was fired from being one of the highest ranking doctors in the National Guard because she refused to lie about being a lesbian. All around great performances, Glenn Close sings in it (!) and she also said that kissing Judy Davis made her rethink her sexuality. Just… just watch it. 

The Watermelon Woman (1996) 👭🏆 We love a lesbian movie that doesn’t center around white women! Well… there is a white protagonist in this film, but the story centers around a Black lesbian who becomes obsessed with finding out the life story of an uncredited actress she sees in a film from the 1940s. It was the first major film to be directed by a Black lesbian. It was also filmed in my city! So, I have extra special love for this film. 

HONORABLE (GAY AND NOT GAY) MENTIONS:

Me and My Shadows (2001) 📖 Honestly, fuck the new Zellweger movie where she plays Judy Garland. It’s so rude that they would even attempt to make that movie when this one already exists. This one is Judy Davis playing Judy Garland in all her twitchy glory and it is all your gay camp heart will ever need. It’s in three parts on YouTube. Watch it now.

The Children’s Hour (1961) 🔪👭📖🏆 This film will break your heart. Still would recommend just for how important it is as a body of work. I think it’s one of the first widely-known films that ever defended lesbians. 

This Is Where I Leave You (2014) 💝 We’ve all seen the gifsets of Jane Fonda kissing Debra Monk. Cute little film.

Angels in America (2003) 🏆📖 All of the actors play like, eight different characters. Meryl Streep is a Mormon and Emma Thompson plays an angel in leather who gives her an orgasm in the sky. It’s otherworldly. Watch it. It will change your life.

Lady Bird (2018) 💝 Lesbian subtext, who? Christine and Julie were in love and nobody can tell me any different. 

The Practice (1997-2004) 👭 Holland Taylor is in this show, sadly not playing a ghey, but playing a Judge who pretty much controls all of the men in her office by sleeping with them. She’s fucking wild (in a way that only a WASP woman could be) in this and it’s a sight to behold. 

Key:

[🔪] - a lesbian dies bc we can’t have anything nice

[🍆] - a lesbian has sex with a man bc we can’t have anything nice

[📖] - based on a book/play which you should also read

[💝] - happy endings yaaaaayyy

[👭] - actual lesbian actors, writers, and/or directors

[🏆] - culturally significant/cult film

[dreamydream]

Fallout Characters as Vines

Butch: *sitting at a booth eating* I mean, I get complimented all the time- Lone: *bursts out laughing from across the booth* Butch: I do! Lone: *continues laughing*

Six: *puts a pen to their mouth and inhales* *exhales smoke* Blaze it. *points camera to stove* Just kidding it's from my macaroni and cheese~!

Sole: *hands empty water bottle* Here. Mama Murphy: *stares at it for a second* This bitch is empty. Yeet! *lamely throws water bottle to ground*

Rex: *running towards a puddle* Six: You gonna get wet, I ain't gonna take you home, AH he got his damn feet wet now, shit dog...

Deacon: Welcome back to me screaming. AGHHHHHHHH- *takes breath* AGHHHHHHHHHH

Lone: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE?! *motions to shoes* Old Lady Palmer: They are my crocs.

Lone: Sleep?! I don't know nothing about sleep! It's summertime-! James: You better go to bed! Lone: Oh, he caught me...

Sole: Two shots... of vodka. *open vodka bottle and dumps it into glass*

Hancock: Bro, how much money do you have? Sole: 69 caps. Hancock: Oh, you know what that means! Sole: *eyes start to water* I don't have enough money for Nuka Quantum...

Sole: Let me see what you have! Shaun: *runs by and holds up knife* A knife! Sole: NO! *runs after him*

Six: I wanna be a cowboy, baby! Veronica: Hell yeah! Six: *spinning around on old playground equipment with Veronica* I wanna be a cowboy, baby!

Six: Man, you sure do know your bible. Joshua: That's why they call me- ~~BibleMan~~

Six: Wanna hear a chemistry joke? Arcade: ... Six: Is that a no? Arcade: Oh sorry did you want a *looks at camera* reaction? -camera cuts to Six huddled in the bathroom crying-

Lone: Would you rather fight a bunch of kindergartners- Butch: I wanna fight kindergartners. Lone: That's not even the whole- Butch: Those kids are getting slapped-!

Travis: I have a banana peel on the ground and I'm gonna see if it's really slippery like it is in the cartoons. I- *grabs cup of water and instantly slips, slinging water everywhere* UAGHHHHH

Preston: *filming group of radstags eating outside the house* Sole: *sneezes and radstags run off* Preston: Nice, Sole. Sole: I sneezed! Oh, I'm not allowed to sneeze?

Mr. Brotch: Butch has 19 bottles of dish soap, and he gives Paul- Amata: Wait, why does Butch have so many soaps?! Butch: *sitting at a desk surrounded by soap, pouring soap out into hand* MIND YO BUSINESS, AMATA!

Lone: *tries and fails to do a skateboard trick* James: Hey I used to ride skateboard. Lone: Pfft, my dad is such-what?! James: *rides by on skateboard doing a handstand*

Shaun: *holding basketball* Hey, you wanna play? Hancock: Nah, I don't really. Shaun: C'mon... Hancock: Okay, you talked me into it. Shaun: *shoots basketball* Hancock: *viciously slaps it away* Get outta here kid! *slam dunks basketball with Shaun backing away* GAME OVER!!!

Travis: How to pick up girls. *runs at Scarlett and picks her up* Scarlett: AGH GET OFF OF ME! Travis: *trips and falls* OH, FU-

Lone: Daddy can you teach me how to twerk? James: *raises eyebrows* No more tv *unplugs tv* no more computer *shoves computer in trash* We're reading books from now on, little girl. *hands Lone a book*

Arcade: Rex, I'm home. *walks into kitchen to see bloodstain and 'your next' written in blood on fridge* *gasps* This is so wrong... *dips finger in blood and corrects 'your' to 'you're'* There.

Shaun: *standing on ladder* I'm scared, Mom. Sole: Do ya trust me son? *holds out arms* Shaun: Yeah. Sole: C'mon son! Shaun: *falls backwards* Sole: *turns away* Rule number one, never trust anybody!

-Amata and Lone sitting at a table drinking coffee and Butch and Wally pretend to take pictures- Butch: Today we observe two basic white girls in their natural habitat! Whatever you do, don't touch the- Wally: *grabs a coffee and runs off* Butch: *gasps* Are you crazy?!

James: Someone called me a dilf at work today. Lone: Oh, that was so cool- James: No, it wasn't. Lone: YEAH

Shaun: Yeet! Sole: *walks into room* Eat, eat? You wanna eat something? Shaun: No mom I was just saying a random word... Sole: *holds out mutfruit* Okay, eat something. Shaun: No I'm fine- Sole: EaT thE FuckIn MuTrUit-

Lone: *wearing a graduation cap* Hey change of plans, I'm actually not going to college anymore, I'm going to hell. Um, not that excited.

Lone: So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift? Amata: *raises eyebrows and slowly looks away* Butch: Happy birthday-? Lone: *smashes glass into his face*

Deacon: Be honest, do these shorts make my butt look big? MacCready: It makes that ass look fat. Deacon: What the fuck?... thank you.

Six: I want to see my little boy~ Arcade: Here he comes. Six: I want to see my little boy~ ED-E: *beep*

MacCready: Hey can I get a sip of that water? Sole: It's not water. MacCready: Vodka! I like your style. Sole: It's vinegar. MacCready: What. Sole: It's vinegar, pussy.

Sole: I'm done with this dumbass Institute with all these fake ass people. Allie: *walks by* Hey. Sole: Hey! *walks by* ...fucking bitch.

Butch: You ready to die?! Lone: You can't kill me, I'm a bad bitch!

Joshua: This is my message to Jesus... Hey, GiGi. Sup man... how are ya?

Raider: That moment when you enter a room and forget why you went in there- Pickman: *stabs him in the back* Raider: *thinks* Oh that's right I was getting chased by a serial killer!

Deacon: Hey babe you wanna spoon? *holds up spoon* And then we can fork? And then-you can slit my throat with a knife...

Hancock: Bro, do you ever smoke lean? Preston: Smoke lean? Hancock: Wo-ow... Preston: N-no, yeah, I have. Hancock: Dude, I thought you were tight. Preston: I have, Mom-!

Mr. Brotch: Okay, is Butch here? Butch: Present. *dabs* Mr. Brotch: ...Lone. Lone: *throws up peace sign* Suh, dude.

Arcade: You ever wanna talk about your emotions, Boone? Boone: No. Six: I do! Arcade: I know, Six. Six: I'm sad. Arcade: I know, Six.

Veronica: Hey, I'm lesbian. Six: ...I thought you were American.

Shaun: I can't swim. Cait: How old are you? Shaun: Ten. Cait: *picks him up and throws him into a pond*

Butch: So basically what I was thinking of was um... Lone: *punches him* Butch: Ah, fuck... I can't believe you've done this.

Six: Do you remember one time I liked you? Benny: No? Six: Good cause it never happened. Benny: Oh... Six: Aha *flips him off* Oho

DC Guard: Detective, this is a crime scene. Nick: *holding 3 tubs of ice cream* What, is this the murder weapon?! *closes freezer with shoulder* Get off my dick!

Sole: I still don't have a New Year's resolution. Piper: You could lose a few. Danse: You could be less lazy. Cait: Don't be such a bitch- Sole: Okay DAMN!... SHIT.

Butch: *whispers* What do beavers build? Lone: A dam. James: *from other room* What'd you say? Butch: Ooh... Lone: Dad, he set me up!

-Amata, Butch, and Christine sitting at a booth- Lone: Today we observe a teenage male appeared to be caught in the friend zone! Research shows there's no escape... I've been spotted!

Six: *looking out over New Vegas* Some day I'm gonna own this goddamn town... *raises whiskey glass to mouth but quickly moves it away* Eughhh I don't like whiskey it burns my mouth!...

Lone: I'm different cause I don't like drama! Y'know?... But Christine... Christine has an STD-

Jack: What are these curious circles? *picks up bottlecap* They have little words on them, how quaint. Do poor people eat these? *bites into it* Disgusting, Edward, take it away!

Lone: This just in, folks, I'm getting reports that Butch is gay; more at 11. Butch: I'm not gay... ... Lone: This just in, folks, I'm now getting reports that Butch is still gay. Let's go to Butch who's on the scene. Butch: I'm not fucking gay!

Six: Any sauces? Raul: Hot and verde. Six: What did you just say to me? Raul: Oh, sorry. *removes accent* Verde. Six: I thought you were trying to seduce me or somethin'

Butch: What's goin' on, my name is Butch, I'm 19 years old, and I'm-... a little nervous *clears throat* He WaS a BOy, shE wAs a GirL ... Lone: I'm Lone and I think I can be the next American Idol *clears throat* I CHimE iN, hAVen'T-

Sole: *holds up harmonica* You play it and you get 100 million caps; but 100 million people will die. MacCready: *furiously plays harmonica* Sole: MacCready no-