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dolleminas · 2 years ago

Note

Hey

I'm a follower of yours but would rather remain anonymous because this is an extremely sensitive topic

I am in a relationship I am starting to think might be unsafe, but I constantly doubt myself and don't know if I'm blowing things out of proportion in my head.

I think I just need a clear cut answer from someone else about if the following things are as big of red flags as my gut says they are, and if so I really need advice on how to navigate leaving (we rent together and share finances)

- met a guy when we were teens in highschool, he was sweet, dorky, self identified as a feminist, was a good friend to me for a year or so and then asked me out. He was a really loving and gentle partner, I met his family, he really spoiled me romantically and we always had fun together. We dated consistently for a year and a half, and then started dating on and off "because we were busy"

- when we were dating on and off, (not officially exclusive at the time this incident happened, but I assumed we were because he called me his girlfriend and said he loved me) he had sex with a male friend of his multiple times and consistently sexted with him without my knowledge

- he sent this male friend nudes of mine as part of their sexting twice that I know of, and potentially more than twice, and in one situation nudes I know he asked me for the nude photos specifically for that purpose (when I read the texts between he and this guy a year or so later, the guy asked for pictures of certain body parts and me posed in a unique way, and I remembered my boyfriend requesting once that I send him nudes with those specifications, and thinking it was weird at the time because he had never asked for something that specific, or of that area of the body before)

- not too long after he broke that relationship off, but still 6+ months before I knew about it, he started hooking up with a girl and told her that he was essentially just using me for sex, but that I knew that he was seeing other people and was ok with it because I only wanted a sexual relationship too (I didn't know, and wouldn't have been having a sexual relationship if I knew those terms)

- when shit hit the fan and I found out about those messages because we shared social media passwords, I called him and told him my suspicions. He was extremely angry, extremely manipulative, and I tried to guilt trip me for having even signed into his social media (something we both agreed to doing), and said the pictures that were sent were just images from online (I couldn't technically see the photos because Instagram photo messages disappear after being viewed, but the descriptions and conversation very directly hinted and said that it was me- the conversation included very unique details of my body and personality that I know would not be easy to find online just scrolling, and things you wouldn't know about a random onlyfans girl or stranger)

- He later ended up calling and confessing, giving multiple excuses, telling sob stories about being overcome with guilt but never feeling like it was the right time to tell me, and then telling me he understood if I left, he understood if I turned him in, he felt like he deserved to be punished

- I left him but tried to keep our friendship on positive terms to hopefully get him to confess in writing, while talking to two friends of mine and getting advice on wether or not I could report him for what he did, but also because I still had feelings for him and was for some reason giving him the benefit of the doubt

- One friend ended up breaking my trust and confronting him about my plans to report, (not because she didn't want me to, but because she was angry at him and trying to defend me)

- He ended up completely blocking me out for a few weeks

- I was devastated and felt exposed and everything that was happening was triggering my PTSD. I felt like I was relieving my previous sexual traumas.

- for some reason, call it love or teenage stupidity, I ended up talking to him again when he decided to stop being angry at me. Then a few months later decided to start dating him again. Looking back I really don't know why. In my mind, this incident had been a blip in what was otherwise a fantastic and steady relationship, and this didn't fit with my perception of him as a kind, funny, caring person- so instead of recognizing that he wasn't, I opted to essentially pretend it never happened.

- things ramped up quickly, we moved in after another year together, started sharing finances, he helped me through a medical scare, and held me through recovery when I was assaulted by a dad I was nannying for. He did the majority of the housework and work work, I mostly just focused on odd jobs and college. I put things behind me but always set clear boundaries. No porn use. No bdsm language in the bedroom. No cheating. No repeat incidents like that. I wouldn't send him full nudes or anything with my face or tattoos in it, and he couldn't screenshot even if I did. He would respect my sexual boundaries and never push for more than I was initiating.

- We decided to have kids. Please no judgement here. I know now that that was a stupid and immature call. With my health issues I was scared I would lose my ovaries eventually, possibly even uterus, and my emotions about desperately wanting to be a mother got the better of me

- while I was pregnant with our first the boundaries started to slip. Jokes about bdsm language. More unbalanced dynamics during sex, and more expectation that I was ok with being submissive. Constant "joking" nagging about how infrequent/vanilla the sex was. Then eventually pressure to try new positions, new scenarios, to try oral sex again in spite of my sexual trauma with it, to try anal sex. All of which eventually happened. Then the bdsm speak in the bedroom took off, and gone was the gentle loving sex with eye contact and mutual pleasure, he was pushing my head, and talking about me "letting him use my body for his pleasure", calling me submissive, generally using a weird tone and introducing a dynamic where if he asked something I was expected to just do it. I started consenting to sex even when I didn't want to because his moods were worse on the days when we didn't, and I didn't want to hear about how boring and prude I was.

- Baby arrived. Our romantic relationship seemed completely back to normal. My sex drive was back and sex was good when I was the one initiating it, and I felt like I had more say again. We were generally happy for months. He is a great dad, he cooks and cleans more than I do, he's more patient than me, he gets down and plays with our kids when I don't or can't, and always seems to have more energy than me.

- got pregnant again, normalcy started to fade and once again felt like I lost control sexually

-had second baby- family life going great, again, things romantically were doing well, but the sex was still very unbalanced and uncomfortable, and now was expected to almost exclusively be anal or deep throating, with a lot of ass smacking and condescending language. He started using new words constantly, always wanting to try new things, and started referencing porn in jokes really often.

- I got suspicious he was watching it and asked flat out. He said no but seemed off. Asked again and he admitted he was, but said he didn't think I would care or have a problem with it, because he only watched it alone and it never impacted our sex life- rather filled a void when we weren't haven't sex. He insisted only the most vanilla content, and for some reason fixated on insisting that it was milf content and only of women with my body type. That he was using ethical sites and it was all people who were consenting and happy to be in that business. He also offhandedly said a lot of it was coming directly from people who were "self publishing" the content (never found out what that was a reference to since he insisted it wasn't onlyfans or a dating site, but I'm guessing either it was one of those and I just didn't find out, or that it was NSFW subreddits)

- I told him I was uncomfortable and wanted him to stop if he wanted a relationship with me. He said he already had and could go on that way, he just wanted me to be comfortable. I asked him to promise it wasn't anything I'd be uncomfortable with and I very specifically listed- potentially underage content, rape or rape play, sleep, beastiality, outright pedophilia, anything where the person was clearly drugged or drunk. He assured me he wasn't watching any of that.

- the next day he backtracked and was mad at me. He said he had a problem and an addiction, but that I was treating him "like a monster" and that it was unfair for me to ask because I should know he wasn't watching anything unsavory. He said he always wanted to tell me but was scared of being judged, and it never felt like the right time, and now I was confirming his fear of judgement for being sad/angry/uncomfortable.

- I decide since we have each other's phone pins and he's previously made it clear I can use his phone to do a brief check, keyword search terms I'd be uncomfortable with in his browser history. Immediately things come up in his recent history, but also going back as far as before I was pregnant with our first child. Constant porn use, rape porn, "barely legal", Sleep porn, anal rape, violent sex, sub/dom dynamics, deepthroat rape, crying, vomiting, almost all on Pornhub or from subreddits bragging about their "nonconsent" collections.

- I confronted him again. He lied multiple times. I told him I was suspicious, and asked if he'd be comfortable showing me his history. He said he would later, at home, and that he had no problem because he had nothing to hide. If I hadn't previously seen it, with how convincing he was being and the way he was shifting the tone, that would've completely disarmed me and I never would've looked. I told him I knew, and I was aware what content and the whole tone changed. Of course he's watching barely legal! He's in his early twenties, why would I expect him to watch "older ladies". The rape porn isn't "real rape" it's just CNC. The crying and vomiting during oral content are because he's insecure about his penis size and was using that for validation. The sleeping and drugged content is clearly staged, and also he was just testing it out and he didn't end up liking it (multiple searches over months of time, I call bullshit). I tell him that it's all wrong and disgusting. That it is a betrayal of my trust and the promises he made me. That the lying and gaslighting about it was a betrayal. That the content is extremely triggering for me because a lot of the videos were almost exactly things that had happened to me while I was sexually abused in the past, that he knew had impacted me deeply. That I was angry at him for even watching porn in the first place because I am so vocal about the issues in the industry. That I was disgusted that he had been bringing those ideas and that language and those positions into our actual sex life without my knowledge of their sources.

- He apologized over and over and over and over and again I eventually just decided to put it behind me. Told him I wouldn't have sex with him till he stopped watching porn, and I had recovered from the stress and trauma of that incident. He promised to go to sex addict meetings, to restart therapy, and to go to couples therapy.

- All that lasted about two weeks. Then we were back to having sex, and he never ended up doing the therapy or the meetings.

- I put it all out of mind and focused on the good in our relationship. We have fun. We parent together well. We laugh together, a lot. Dates are still nice. I'm just wary and exhausted. But I'm a stay at home mom. We have kids. We're low income already, and our finances are completely tied together. We never got married so assets wouldn't even necessarily be split fairly. I'm terrified of what a custody battle would look like because he has everything in his favor. He has an income and a degree. He has family living nearby who can babysit any time, and help with anything. He could easily move in with them for financial and childcare support. He's got a good reputation, no mental health issues, my family loves him. I'm a highschool graduate turned stay at home parent, and a college dropout. My family and I don't have a great relationship, and the sister I do get along with is four hours away and lives in a studio apartment. I have a history of psych hospitalization. I have PTSD. I delt with postpartum depression and anxiety after both pregnancies, and am on multiple meds and in weekly therapy. I have one friend. I have almost nobody who would vouch for my parenting skills, because his family would always side with him, and my only friend is a grad student who I see once a month at most. I am an impatient person, I am messy, I was out of commission for a few weeks after each baby was born and he and his mom took over childcare until I recovered physically and until I could get treatment for my postpartum anxiety. I am a good mom and I am with the kids almost all the time, and I am confident in my motherhood, but I know how I would look to anyone on the outside, especially since I know I can't prove what has happened between the two of us in the privacy of our bedroom, and the nudes incident was long enough ago that the statue of limitations has passed AND he could easily claim that either I must have been ok with it because I stayed for years after, or that he was just a dumb teen at the time.

I am just so at a loss for what to do. Things are so normal right now, and this relationship is my source of stability emotionally, as well as the source of my kids emotional and financial stability. I am happy now and everything seems to be improving, we get along better than we did when the kids were tiny, I just can't let go of the nagging feeling that something very wrong happened to me that I never got proper justice for. He apologizes constantly. He always asked for consent for everything. He soothes me when the emotions about it come up. I feel like I've genuinely forgiven him to an extent, I just don't know if that's because I should and this is something we can move past since it's been 7ish months since that incident and our relationship is really smooth, or if it's something I'm fucking up by forgiving. And if I am I have no idea how to get out, or if I would even want to make that sacrifice just to be away from the person who hurt me.

- w

Anyone who has recourses for a woman to leave her boyfriend and give her custody of her children, please REPLY to this post with resources or reblog! Tyvm.

TW: sick male behaviour (porn use, cheating, kink)

Hi, W. This is the second time I'm trying to answer you because my pc crapped out on me the first time and lost what I wrote (yes I could've screamed). Here is my second attempt.

I said previously that I understand wanting to remain anonymous, so no problem. And I also understand doubting yourself. We women are always expected to second-guess ourselves, we’re not believed, brushed off, etc, etc. Eventually we just end up gaslighting ourselves. As someone who always ignored her gut, I can confidently say—listen to yourself. Nine out of ten times my feelings were right. And I only suffered for ignoring it.

Our bodies know. When you think about this, you will know it to be true.

Having read a little bit of your post I can also confidently say; kill him. Or leave him. Previously I said I take less shit from men because I have no tolerance for them due to being gay, but genuinely… leave him. I assume things will get worse in your situation, but I’ve only read the cheating part at this point. And I say; kick his ass.

met a guy when we were teens in highschool, he was sweet, dorky, self identified as a feminist, was a good friend to me for a year or so and then asked me out.

This might be a bit of a controversial opinion, but I absolutely do not trust self-identified male feminists. When I hear a man say he’s a feminist I am immediately on my guard. You probably already know this since you’re a follower of mine, but this is a radical feminism blog, and we live in a patriarchy. Men benefit from that no matter their race, sexuality, financial status, health, and political views. And even if they disagree with most of it, there will still be subconscious things they do or think that will reflect their patriarchal views. For a man to be a true feminist ally, he will need to agree with taking a lot of power away from himself. And I don’t trust men to be alright with that.

Secondly, your romantic relationship might have developed from friendship naturally, which can happen, but I also do know a lot of men who pretend to want friendship from women, while in truth they just want sex or a romantic relationship. I don’t like that. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I find that sort of dishonesty a red flag.

when we were dating on and off, he had sex with a male friend of his multiple times and consistently sexted with him without my knowledge

he sent this male friend nudes of mine as part of their sexting twice that I know of

and in one situation nudes I know he asked me for the nude photos specifically for that purpose

I'm sorry, but at this stage I'm already at 'dump his ass' opinion. Cheating is wrong, as everyone with enough braincells can tell you, but sending your nudes??? That is a breach of privacy, that is a lack of respect... see, this is why I spit on male feminists. Because sending your nudes (and I apologise for coming across really blunt here) means he does not see you as a person who deserves any sort of privacy, bodily autonomy, or the right to say no. Not only that, but by sending YOUR nudes he clearly saw you as a belonging to flaunt around. And even a male feminist (if one wants to argue they exist) would abhor the mere idea of seeing a woman as an object. Girl... like, I am so sorry. He pimped you out. I'm horrified for you.

he started hooking up with a girl and told her that he was essentially just using me for sex

He was extremely angry, extremely manipulative, and I tried to guilt trip me for having even signed into his social media (something we both agreed to doing), and said the pictures that were sent were just images from online

So he cheated on you again. And then he had the audacity to lie about it? I feel the misandry in me rising to new heights right as I type this. There is this saying; when someone tells you who they are, believe them. What he said to that girl? The he used you for sex? Either he meant it, or he wanted to impress her. Men often want to to impress other men. And you know how they do that? By flaunting their wealth, their objects--aka, women. Aka, you. The anger and manipulation is just the icing on the cake.

He later ended up calling and confessing, giving multiple excuses, telling sob stories about being overcome with guilt but never feeling like it was the right time to tell me, and then telling me he understood if I left, he understood if I turned him in, he felt like he deserved to be punished

I'll be honest to you here, alright? Men are smart. I know many-a girl and woman who preaches to the choir so to speak, sending walls upon walls of texts explaining to a man or boy why they hurt her... but I'll tell you a secret.

They know.

I want everyone woman who reads this to understand this; THEY. KNOW. They know they hurt you. They know what they did was wrong. So you mentally exhausting yourself explaining it? Don't do it. Don't bother. They know.

Men are master manipulators. When anger doesn't work, they turn to sniveling. They prey on your sympathy.

he felt like he deserved to be punished

This right here? This is trying to get your sympathy, so you feel bad for him, so you comfort HIM. I can't tell you how often I see men do this, and it's all an act.

He ended up completely blocking me out for a few weeks

This right here tells me that what he said to you before, about deserving to be punished is bullshit, because if he truly felt that way he would have admitted it right then. He did it over voicecall because he knew you wouldn't have proof. He tried to manipulate you even then.

for some reason, call it love or teenage stupidity, I ended up talking to him again when he decided to stop being angry at me. Then a few months later decided to start dating him again. Looking back I really don't know why. In my mind, this incident had been a blip in what was otherwise a fantastic and steady relationship, and this didn't fit with my perception of him as a kind, funny, caring person- so instead of recognizing that he wasn't, I opted to essentially pretend it never happened.

I call this female socialisation if you don't mind. I have been in your place, many times. And I'm sure plenty of other women have too. This entire, kind funny caring etc. thing is in my opinion not true. We fabricate a reality--an alter, if you will. In truth, the man is nothing how you see him as. He portrays himself in a certain way, but it's all a lie. And I don't fault you for wanting to believe it.

things ramped up quickly, we moved in after another year together

See this here? Again, a year. After a year he asked you out. Another year, and you moved in together. Some people might call me suspicious, paranoid, or a tinfoil, but time and time again I see men settling down with a women so quick... and I am left to wonder why.

We decided to have kids. Please no judgement here. I know now that that was a stupid and immature call.

I have no judgment whatsoever for you, W. Wanting children is not stupid or immature and anyone who thinks so can fuck right off, pardon my french. I have the most respect for mothers.

while I was pregnant with our first the boundaries started to slip.

I started consenting to sex even when I didn't want to because his moods were worse on the days when we didn't,

This is the thing about boundaries with men for me. Again, of course he knew that it was wrong. But I'm probably correct when I say he didn't do it immediately, right? He did it in small steps. And he did it while you were pregnant. Some people might think, oh but why during pregnancy??

I'll tell you. Because you were carrying his kid. Men know that the moment children are in the picture, it's over. He figured he could control you again. After all, you really wanted children, didn't you? You would do everything for them, wouldn't you? Because you're a good mother. You'd never let anything happen to them.

He controls you through your babies. Now you can no longer leave. Once he thought that, his good funny kind etc loving partner fascade started to slip. He stopped pretending.

but the sex was still very unbalanced and uncomfortable, and now was expected to almost exclusively be anal or deep throating, with a lot of ass smacking and condescending language. He started using new words constantly, always wanting to try new things, and started referencing porn in jokes really often.

I got suspicious he was watching it and asked flat out. He said no but seemed off. Asked again and he admitted he was

He insisted only the most vanilla content, and for some reason fixated on insisting that it was milf content and only of women with my body type. That he was using ethical sites and it was all people who were consenting and happy to be in that business.

I could talk in depth about how porn rots the brain and how it warps people's view of women, but I think I'll just highlight this. Especially the last part about 'ethical sites' is really telling and why I don't trust male feminists.

I asked him to promise it wasn't anything I'd be uncomfortable with and I very specifically listed- potentially underage content, rape or rape play, sleep, beastiality, outright pedophilia, anything where the person was clearly drugged or drunk. He assured me he wasn't watching any of that.

I assume that was a lie.

He said he had a problem and an addiction, but that I was treating him "like a monster"

He is. Next.

He said he always wanted to tell me but was scared of being judged, and it never felt like the right time, and now I was confirming his fear of judgement for being sad/angry/uncomfortable.

Honestly, this sounds eerily similar to what he told you when he cheated. He's also guilt-tripping you, trying to make you comfort him by acting like you hurt his feelings. What a baby.

I decide since we have each other's phone pins and he's previously made it clear I can use his phone to do a brief check, keyword search terms I'd be uncomfortable with in his browser history. Immediately things come up in his recent history, but also going back as far as before I was pregnant with our first child.

I'm not copying all the searches you found, but I'm so sorry you had to find that, W. I had to take a break after reading that, it's that bad, so if you were doubting yourself... that is horrifying. And as a mother, I'm sure that must have scared you as well.

I confronted him again. He lied multiple times.

He is disgusting. Absolutely revolting. I just don't know what to say. I could just copy-paste this entire paragraph and find something to talk about in each sentence, because from top to bottom this is disturbing. Lying, again. Then his true colours show. More lying! And CNC not being 'real' is bullshit, and he probably knows it too. Especially since you talked about the industry, I presume?

He's just making excuses after excuses. I don't want to upset you, but at this point I wonder if he doesn't watch those videos imagining it's you. Also, that he is able to get off on pretend rape is horrifying as well. He gets off at imagining someone getting raped. There have been studies done, showing how men just can't distinguish CNC from the real deal anymore... that is terrifying.

He promised to go to sex addict meetings, to restart therapy, and to go to couples therapy.

All that lasted about two weeks. Then we were back to having sex, and he never ended up doing the therapy or the meetings.

And here is the thing about men; they know that once they cross your boundaries once and you stay with them, they can do it again. They cry and sob and wail at your feet, promising they'll change... but the moment they are forgiven, they just revert back.

I have seen it time and time again. They promise you everything, but they just keep it up long enough until they can start this cycle over again. You'll forgive him again. He'll revert. You'll be stuck in this never-ending loop of your heart being broken until you are numb.

I put it all out of mind and focused on the good in our relationship.

I genuinely think you do this to cope. And I don't blame you.

I am an impatient person, I am messy, I was out of commission for a few weeks after each baby was born and he and his mom took over childcare until I recovered physically and until I could get treatment for my postpartum anxiety.

I do want to stress this. I don't know what country you're from, but are you kidding??? You gave birth, woman. Cut yourself some slack for creating literal life like a god. Where I'm from it's common for a maternity nurse to take care of you AND your body after you give birth.

I am just so at a loss for what to do.

Listen to me, alright. I think you know what you need to do, or want to do, because if you didn't you wouldn't have admitted all this to me, which I think is brave and admirable.

Your children deserve a father who loves their mother and treats her right. And I'm sorry, but I don't think he does the former, and he sure as hell does not do the latter. It might not seem like this, but children are able to pick up on tension like that. Children are very smart.

Are you happy? Genuinely? And don't scoff but really look deeply within yourself and ask. Because I'm sure you're not. If you were, you would be able to put this behind you.

I just can't let go of the nagging feeling that something very wrong happened to me that I never got proper justice for.

Because it did.

He apologizes constantly. He always asked for consent for everything. He soothes me when the emotions about it come up.

He's a piece of shit and he knows it.

I just don't know if that's because I should and this is something we can move past since it's been 7ish months since that incident and our relationship is really smooth, or if it's something I'm fucking up by forgiving.

And how much more of these incidents can you take, do you think? Do you think he'll never do it again? Do you trust him to respect you now? A relationship is nothing without trust. Do you trust him?

And if I am I have no idea how to get out, or if I would even want to make that sacrifice just to be away from the person who hurt me.

You deserve to be safe. You deserve to heal. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel cherished. That is not a sacrifice. That is putting you first.

TL;DR

He is a rotten, disgusting, porn-sick man and you are 100% in the right for wanting to leave him. I know my answer is very long, but I wanted to reply to some points specifically since they jumped out to me. And I also want you to feel heard.

Now... you said you came to me for advice so I'll try my very best. There are a few points I want to go over.

Your family likes him, but do they know what he did? And if you told them, would they still like him?

How old are your children? You mention they're older, but that you still fear for a custody battle. If they are in their teens maybe you could wait it out till they are no longer minors, though I know this is not at all an ideal outcome.

Can you talk to him about going back to work? Since you two are low-income, he could actually be in favour. Then maybe you could secure your own income somehow? Keep a little bit secret so you have emergency money. Then you will have means to support you and your children. And now we're on that topic, how likely is it that you can go get your own degree?

I assume you're American?

Could you move closer to a support network? And if not, could you maybe try to make friends who would have your back?

Can you reach out to an ORG or something that helps women like you? Radical feminism groups in real life, etc?

I admittedly know very little about how the court favours men, and especially not if you are American or just... not Dutch. I do understand your fear about the court taking your babies away, and I do wonder whether he'll try to poison them against you.

So this is where I ask other Radfems to come in. Anyone who knows anything, has recourses or their own experience... please react to this post, send me an anon ask, or send me a DM!

I will try to scour my blog for resources and reblog this if I find anything, and please, I know I'm just a person behind a blog, but if you need a friend, W, do DM me. I might not be able to do too much, but I'll do my best and I think you could benefit from having a friendly voice.

#radfem #radical feminism #radblr #radfem safe #radfems do touch #anon asks #radical feminist #radfems do interact #terfblr #honey answers

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fyexo · 4 years ago

Text

201203 The Powerful, Limitless Kai

EXO member Kai unpacks his solo debut, artistry, and how he learned to express himself.

“I wanted to show that Kai is limitless,” 26-year-old Kim Jongin, better known by his stage name Kai, tells Teen Vogue of his newly-released debut self-titled album. The word is multifaceted, conjuring up an unfettered existence or an endless void, as terrifying as it is appealing.

Kai leans toward the latter. His voice — soft, restrained, thoughtful, and at times giddy during our interview — is an anchor in that wide open space. He’s quite excited about the idea of limitlessness, of existing on more than one plane, of proving you’re more than one thing.

Kai, out November 30, is just the first step.

“Over the years I've been in the industry, many people have seen me as a member of EXO. I have performed in front of our EXO fans and SuperM fans. This is the first time I'm actually releasing something under my own name,” he says. “I want to show people who Kai is through this album. The name Kai means ‘to open’. So, I want it to be open and show a new side of me.”

The year was 2012 when EXO debuted with an intensely mythological, high-concept origin story. Shortly after the heart of the Tree of Life dried up due to the red forces’ incessant attacks, Kai descended to Earth — along with the rest of the members of EXO — as part of the legends that “see the same sky but shall stand on different grounds, shall stand on the same ground but shall see different skies.” (A parallel to EXO’s original split into two groups, one focused on China’s pop market, the other on Korea’s.) Each member has his own superpower, and Kai’s is teleportation, although he doesn’t always know what to do with it. During the music video for “Lucky One," the rest of EXO use their powers to fend off villains, but Kai breaks out into dance. (Though if you’ve seen Kai dance, you’ll know that’s as much a superpower as anything.)

That may be Kai’s beginning, but he was brought to life by Kim Jongin, the youngest of three siblings, who grew up in Suncheon, South Korea, with an early interest in ballet and jazz dance. Taking on the persona of Kai at 17 years old, he began to set the framework for what he’d soon become known for: a fluid, captivating dance style infused with seemingly endless confidence, smirking through concept changes with ease. As EXO’s popularity hit the stratosphere shortly after their single “Growl” — with performances on world stages like the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics, the multi-million selling 9-member group remains one of the most revered acts in modern-day K-pop — so did Kai’s reputation as one of the most enigmatic performers in Korean idol music.

Duality is one of K-pop’s favorite concepts, and the endearing dichotomy between Kai and Jongin is a perfect example of where the person and the artist diverge. On stage, Kai paints a mysterious picture, flitting from lithe self-possession to seductive swagger, to borderline arrogance. Off stage, however, Jongin is uncharacteristically shy: he blushes when complimented by his group members, often forgets his own passwords (and asks friends to help out), and is obsessed with his niece and nephew.

While every gaze, every spin, every step with Kai is intentional, Kim Jongin is as free of the bounds of pretense as it gets. It could be as easy as turning a switch on or off, but that would be doing Kai’s ethos a disservice. It’s subliminal. “Kai is me in my dream state,” he says. “When I'm sleeping, it's like my dream character comes alive, and that would be Kai. I’m more of a normal, down-to-earth person. That's just me, but Kai is this persona that's on stage… I do notice that when I'm dancing and pulling off all these different concepts, [I’m] like a totally different person outside of myself doing that.”

And if EXO member Kai is one type of persona, solo performer Kai is another. He previewed Kai with a short film song-sampler, in which he “teleports” through a cinematic thoroughfare of concepts, each one diving deeper. In “Hello Stranger,” his voice is the lighthouse in the storm of the bustling city, asking to talk about the things that overwhelm you. “Reason” is a modern-day fairytale, with Kai as the quirky, attention-grabbing prince in a sea of droning conversations and pretentious debutantes. Hold his hand, turn the corner, and you meet Bad Boy Kai in “Amnesia,” sheathed in leather and a mullet (a hairstyle that continues to be one of the greatest things ever to happen to K-pop) and leaning into noble sacrifice: “Forget me before I know you,” he says. How can you?

We pass through scores of mirrors, each with a different version of Kai as he croons, “Don’t think about anything else.” He holds this attention until the mirrors open into a vast landscape. Now, he is the one looking at a mirror of his own — clad in lace and soft whites and vocalizing his desires openly, “Nothing On Me” is his version of suave vulnerability. The story ends on “Ride Or Die,” a throwback to yesteryears with its heavy, sensual synths and noir setup. It’s a full circle moment; this Kai is the same one we get a glimpse of within the first few seconds of the film, as a hologram. All this while, the mirrors that pull us through the songs have been windows, a journey through the hallways of Kai’s mind, ending in the confident reassurance that he will “ride or die” with us, till the end.

“[I wanted to show] that I can do anything and that anything is possible,” he says. “It’s the connection between teleportation and the limitless possibilities that I have as an artist, as Kai. I wanted to showcase that all of these different sides are Kai, are myself.” And he learned a lot about himself in the process of making the album. “To be honest, I was pretty stressed preparing for all of this on my own, but I think I learned a lot about myself throughout this process. Not just myself as an artist, but [also] a lot about myself as a person: my personality, how I deal with stress, and just... what I’m like as a human being.”

Teleportation is an apt comparison for Kai’s continued interest in embracing other art forms and expanding his artistic lexicon. If that comes with playing with the constraints of conventional style, fashion, and masculinity, then so be it. Like his artistry, his sartorial expression is boundless: whether it’s the slew of crop tops worn to highlight the chorus in “Don’t Mess Up My Tempo”, which gave us one of the most memorable fan-cams of 2018; to the shirtless red suit for “Love Shot” that, frankly, deserves its own museum; to the soft yet dangerous combination of flaming red and lace he’s sporting in the highlight medley for Kai. Every outfit is the period at the end of his words, mapping out his own zeitgeist.

“As my career progressed, fashion itself became a way to express myself on stage and the being that I am,” he says. “It's not just about expressing the song or the concept itself. I think it’s really important for me to try new things and have people notice what I've been trying. I actually want people to look back on the styles that I've tried as an example for them to reference later on. Fashion has become a really important thing for me to develop myself.”

At the heart of these many concepts, of both his Kai persona and his life as Jongin, is movement. Kim Jongin and Kai share a fundamental receptiveness to the world, and of course, a singular, synchronous rhythm that has become the bedrock of his artistry, whether as part of EXO or out on his own.

“When I was younger and I first started dancing, I think I just simply loved dancing itself. I was immersed in the art of dancing,” he says. “I loved doing it, but I think as I've progressed as a performer, as my career has grown, dancing has not only become something I love to do, but it's also become a tool [to] express myself on stage and to audiences. Dancing has been part of more than half of my life now. It’s like a friend that I can't live without.”

source: Tanu I. Raj @ Teen Vogue

#exo #kai #t: interview #teen vogue #album: kai

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dailyexo · 4 years ago

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[INTERVIEW] Kai - 201203 Teen Vogue: “The Powerful, Limitless Kai”

"EXO member Kai unpacks his solo debut, artistry, and how he learned to express himself.

Kai, out November 30, is just the first step.

Credit: Teen Vogue.

#EXO #EXO K #Kai #201203 #t:news #fs:teen vogue #album:kai #comeback:Obsession

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pandawritesmanythings · 5 years ago

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Halfrid // Part 3

Platonic!Loki x Teen!Reader

Summary: Your life has always been dictated by the fact that you are smarter than most adults. This has made you antagonize many of them, it isn’t your fault that you are just citing facts! However, when the god of mischief becomes your friend, are there enough facts you can cite to prove his innocence?

Warnings: None, just no Loki this chapter, sorry!

Word Count: +3000k

A/N: Wow! A lot of people responding positively to the last part! I’m really glad you guys are enjoying it. I am opening the tags list in case anyone wants to be notified when the next chapter comes out!

TAG LIST IS OPEN!!!

NEW YORK 2014

The streets were filled with the usual buzz that surrounded New York. In the distance, the sounds of construction jolted you awake.

You had fallen asleep in your desk again. You sighed and rubbed your hands all over your face, wiping some of the dried salivae away from your mouth.

Your computer was still on and running, its fans warming up the area where it was sitting. With two fingers you slid through the pad and wrote the password on the lock screen.

It opened to the essay you had been working on last night. You smiled while reading it, your teachers had praised you before on your essays, and you were really proud of this one. Quickly you clicked the share button and sent it to your personal account and to your teacher.

You pushed your chair with wheels away from the desk and hopped off it when you reached your closet. You pulled out a simple sweater and jeans, your black flats and pulled your backpack over your shoulder. You rushed to the bathroom and quickly brushed your teeth.

Your parents were getting ready to get to work. They still hadn't forgiven you for 2012, but you knew they would get over it soon. At least they didn't hang it over your head every time you walked into the room anymore.

"Good morning munchkin!" Your dad called from the kitchen, the blender sounding off.

"Good morning dad!"

"You almost ready for school?" Your mom asked kissing your forehead.

"Yep. I already finished my essay and I left my project on my locker, so I'm good for today." You chirped taking your place in the table and placing your backpack by your chair.

Your mom was typing furiously on the keyboard of her own laptop, even though her expression remained calm. Trying to catch a glimpse you leaned in to see what she was doing.

As soon as she felt your curious gaze on the document, she snapped it closed.

"Come on mom! Let me see!" You whined.

"No. Finish your breakfast, this is not something for you to meddle with." She seriously stated, her brow furrowed.

You deflated in your seat, a long breath of air coming out of your lips. "I was just curious..." You mumbled.

"And where did your curiosity lead you to, last time?" She rhetorically asked.

You hid your face in your arms trying to avoid her fiery gaze.

"Why do you have to make my appetite go away?" You asked muffling your voice in your arm.

"Stop mumbling and eat your breakfast. I'll pack it if I have to, but you aren't leaving the house without at least a bite out of your sandwich." Your mom seemed to be very final about this, completely ignoring the fact that it had been two whole years since New York, and yet she didn't trust you had become more careful.

A mom's mind must be one of the most complicated ones. You only saw the annoyance that her attitude brought you, but under it, there was an honest and sincere worry for your safety.

Since 2012, your mom had become more overprotective of you. She had given you a phone and a computer, but they were constantly monitored. If you were on a website you shouldn't be in or downloaded any information that didn't come from an official website, she would get a notification. And let's just say since the attack on New York you haven't been particularly keeping out of trouble.

As you took a bite out of your sandwich and scooped some yogurt out of a cup into your mouth you heard your mom sigh behind you.

She placed her head on her hands, rubbing her sides as if she had a headache. "Darling... My little girl. Why can't you be like others?" She asked, not in an accusatory tone, but one of a very tired mother. She hated having you on such a tight leash, but trust was earned and you hadn't earned it.

"What? You want me to be boring and dumb like my classmates?" You asked in disbelief.

"No! That's not what I meant. I just..." You mom was obviously at a loss for words. So your dad swooped in to save her.

"I think your momma is just tired of you getting in trouble kiddo." He smiled putting a platter of sliced oranges on the table and a homemade strawberry smoothie. "She wants you to go out and play on the hydrants during the summer, and be curious about the world. Instead of only researching it on Wikipedia." He smiled slyly.

"But that's boring!" You retorted. "You know what's fun? Figuring out how to get hidden files from the FBI." You giggled.

Your mom groaned but your dad just laughed. "Oh, love. She's going to be a great agent someday."

"She's not going to end up entering your business, Frank." Your mom deadpanned him.

"But what if I wanted to?" You butted in.

"I still wouldn't let you. You already cause a lot of trouble by yourself. I can't imagine what you would do with actual authorized access to verifiable sources." She frowned as she opened her laptop and resumed her furious typing, this time letting the frustration bleed onto her face.

You angrily took another bite of your sandwich and downed your smoothie. "I'm done." You jumped out of your seat and slumped your backpack on your shoulder. "See you later." You frowned at your mom and she raised her head to look at you.

She looked worried. You walked up to her, biting your lip.

She brushed a strand of hair away from your face. "I love you, sweetie. I just want you safe, okay? Please forgive me if my way of showing it is sometimes a little..." She struggled to find the words.

"A little mean?"

A light chuckle left her lips. "Yeah, something like that." She kissed your forehead and looked in your eyes. "Have fun today. I love you."

"I love you too." You smiled.

As you turned around to say goodbye to your dad you found him leaning on the threshold of the kitchen entrance. He smirked at you and you rushed and hugged him by the waist.

"I love you, kiddo." He ruffled your hair.

"I love you too, dad!" You smiled up to him.

As soon as you let go, you waved them a final goodbye, grabbed your anchor shaped keychain, and ran out the door rushing to school.

You said hi to Mrs Alianza, your tenant, and ran out the front door. You walked with a pep in your step, humming a tune to yourself.

The sounds of constructions and particular smells of New York greeted you. The usual people did their usual commute. Store after store was speckled with familiar faces, all of them buying, selling, and working as every other day.

The way to your school wasn't that long, which is why it was one of the only things your parents trusted you enough to do by yourself. You would walk up the street, make a right and at the end of that street was your school. The scent of the Starbucks hit your nose when you passed by the open door. You really wished you had money so you could buy yourself some hot cocoa. The weather of the last few days of September was nicely fresh, but since it was usually colder in the mornings the sweetness and wariness of the chocolatey goodness was just what you needed.

But since you were broke as the hobo down the street, you walked past it and headed to your destination. Prison.

Your school was an old building, it looked really fancy on the outside, but had the same crappy classrooms as any other public school had. The halls were filled to the brim with students who were chatting the start of their day away. You, however, just walked straight into your class. Mrs Peyton wasn't there yet, so you decided to simply sit down and open your assigned book. And yes, you had already read up to were your teacher told you, but what else were you going to do right now? Talk to people?

The seat next to you was usually empty, which is why it surprised you when you saw another girl sitting there.

Ok, you are a social incompetent. But please try this time to be relatable. Or at least not scare her off. You bullied yourself.

"Hey," You snapped your book closed and gave her an awkward smile. "A-Are you new here? I've never seen you before."

She looked taken aback by the fact that you were talking to her, but she also awkwardly smiled and nodded.

"Oh, well... Welcome!"

There was a heavy silence between the two of you. Mainly because you didn't know if to ask a question, or let her talk or ask you a question. Your mind kept rolling around to try and make this disgusting silence disappear.

"U-Um..." You struggled. "So, have long have you lived here?"

She looked at you weirdly. This is why I'm a social outcast. You thought.

"All my life? I just transferred schools."

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT. You inwardly screamed.

"Oh! That's cool. What school were you attending before?" You asked as you repeated inwardly: Please don't say Visions. Don't say Visions.

"Visions Academy." SWEET MOTHER OF ICICLES-! "It was the best school I have ever attended."

"Ah. Why did you come here then?"

She looked at you as if it was an obvious answer. "My parents think I need to experience The Real World." The did an exasperated gesture. "What does that even mean!?"

"Well, maybe they want you to see the other side?"

"And mingle with peasants? I would rather die." She huffed.

"Well, you are technically mingling with one." You pointed to yourself.

"Oh, no. I know you are, I just see you and don't think you'll remember what I tell you in a couple of days."

Did she just call me stupid? You tried to maintain a calm and collected face.

"You don't look like the social type, so I guess you don't care that much for people's problems and grievances." She swatted the air with her hand. "To be honest. I wasn't even that popular in my other school. But if others know I was studying there, maybe I'll finally be popular!" She beamed as if it was her goal in life to be the centre of everyone's attention.

You had two options. Forget this annoying and self-absorbed girl, or make something out of this.

"Have you ever heard the phrase, A fake friend and a shadow only come by when the sun shines?" You looked at her and she shook her head. "It's Benjamin Franklin. Great guy. You might have heard of him."

That got a snort out of her. "Yeah, I have."

"What do you think that means?" You thoughtfully gazed at her.

She looked at you blankly for a second. "I... Don't know...?"

You adjusted yourself in your seat. "A shadow is by your side when the sun is out, just like a fake friend will. But disappear when the clouds roll by. A friend can do the same if they don't care for you and only care for your popularity. You think they'll stick around when the hard times come?"

It left her thinking. She was silent for a minute, looking everywhere except where you were sitting. Something told you that there was more to this girl than you initially thought. Just as she was going to answer you, Mrs Peyton arrived in the classroom and the bell ringed.

You didn't see the girl for the rest of the day.

The girl. Wow. You really had to start asking for people's names first, didn't you?

When your last period was over the bell rang and kids started filing out of the classrooms. Then you saw her.

She was wearing a pink skirt, as short as the dress code allowed her and a pink sweater with a white dress shirt neck coming out of the neck of the sweater. Yeah, she definitely came from a prep school. She contrasted highly with you. Yet, she pushed off the wall and approached you meekly.

"I was thinking about what you said." She claimed. "The truth is... I don't know what I am truly doing here. I don't know how long will I stay, but I just wanted... The validation I guess."

You smiled at her, sympathetically. "So, what do you really want?"

"A friend."

"I... I think I do too." You smiled at her.

"My name is Ashley."

"Mine is (Y/N)"

MONTHS LATER

You had no idea where this had come from. And honestly, neither did Ashley.

You were just one day chatting about the fact that the Avengers were the only guys without cooties in the whole world. They were actually super cool. You laid in your bed listening to Ashley talk about why Thor would beat Iron Man in the blink of an eye.

"I mean. It makes sense, as smart as Stark is, he doesn't level out with Thor's powers." She finalized the rant that you were barely paying attention to while you re-searched about them online. No. You weren't stalking. That's creepy.

"But that's where you are wrong. His source of power comes from his hammer. Right?"

"I guess?"

"Then look." You turned the laptop to her and showed her the security feed you were watching. "If we are talking combat, yes he is great. But so is Stark."

In the feed Thor tried to lift his hammer just to not being able to and giving up, melting in a puddle of despair. "See? Without his hammer, he is basically defenceless."

"He still can fight. Without the suit Stark isn't much more, isn't he?"

"No no no. That's where you are wrong. Stark has the brains. Thor has the brawns." You smirked. "If Tony had to manage to beat Thor without his suit, I think he would find a way. He is way too intelligent for his own good."

"Maybe. But if there is something we can agree with, is that Cap is the whole package."

You both flopped onto your mattress laughing at that. "That is America's good soldier!" You laughed.

"His butt, tho."

"EW. NO. DISGUSTING. SHUT UP." You slammed her with a pillow.

You both kept laughing for a bit longer and slowly your laughs became more breathy and ceased being so loud and frequent. You slowly sat up.

It had been a while since you had thought about the 2012 incident. But seeing that footage from Thor and all that talk about mind versus brawn got you thinking... What was Loki doing here anyway? He definitely wasn't the brawns. And the way he got defeated was... Almost comical. But when you talked to him, he came across as a very thought inducing and mysterious guy. And being honest, no bad guy tries to dominate if he doesn't have a clever plan.

"You ever think about the villains the Avengers have to defeat?" You asked, your mind wandering.

"I barely do, honestly." She got up too and placed you pillows back into place. "I just like to think about how many lives they save. I know that they can't save everyone, but I am pretty grateful for the fact that this world is still here. I don't think we would be if it wasn't for them."

"Yeah... Yeah. You're right."

But after Ashley left you were still thinking. Your mind was going in circles. You had always been bad at social interaction, but the only two people you had ever felt truly comfortable talking to were Ashley and, strangely, Loki. How? You had just talked for a few minutes with him, but you could recall what he told you that day almost completely.

So that is how it started. You brought out your personal notebook and wrote down:

The 2012 Incident

And wrote all you could remember about your exchange with him. All you could remember about the ship, how you entered his cell. Your conversation. You repeated the events in your head over and over again until you wrote everything down. Over the next few days, you analyzed all you wrote, over and over again.

Your teachers noticed.

"Are you okay, (Y/N)?" Mrs Peyton asked as you wrote down ideas for the latest essay in her class. You had been spacing out for too long.

"Um! Yes, I'm good. Just... Writer's block, you know how it is..." You stumbled over your words. She didn't look convinced, but still, she gave you a tight lip smile and continued on to help students who were stuck.

A couple of days later you heard your name being called through the teacher's radio.

"(Y/N). Miss Jennifer wants to see you."

Ashley shot you a worried look, it wasn't often that you were called to your adviser's office. But you gave her a slight nod and got up your seat to go to the adviser's office.

You were surprised to see your father sitting there. "(Y/N), dear. We are happy you could join us."

"Is everything okay?" You questioned.

"Yes. Of course." Miss Jennifer reassured you and pointed towards the chair so you could sit down.

"We have had many comments lately on your daughter not being able to fully concentrate in classes. We just wanted to know if there is anything you would like to tell us, darling?" She said as nicely as she could.

Your dad raised an eyebrow in your direction.

Oh, crap. How were you going to explain this? You couldn't just say that a psychopath that you once crossed roads with had been occupying your thoughts.

"You see. Sometimes I want to write about many things, and if I get an idea for something I... Kinda space out. Sorry if I have worried anyone." You tried to answer, your voice sounding more confident than you actually felt.

"I see." She wrote something down.

"Has it been affecting her grades? I know she is smart, but she does have a tendency to lock herself in her head." You dad ask concerned.

"Well, although she has certainly been distracted, there is nothing wrong with her grades. She astoundingly completes her work. Besides her spacing out, her teachers don't fault her much on anything." She tried to calm your dad down. "I called this meeting, firstly to address this subject and make you aware of it Mr. (Y/L/N). However, there is one more matter I wanted to discuss."

"Well?"

She proceeded to show us in her laptop a scholarship program. "I know that (Y/N) is still quite young, but I think this would be an excellent outlet for her imagination." She slid a pamphlet towards us and continued to explain. "See, the WRITE Scholarship is based on talent, and not grades. Some start writing their entrances since they can hold a pencil, but I think that you have enough experience to start trying. You must turn it in, as of late, the last month of your senior year. Some write short stories, but some of the most successful are those who turn in essays about things that interest them. For example, a girl last year won by turning in an essay with proof and facts of how HYDRA had infiltrated so quietly into SHIELD. It won her the scholarship and she went to the college of her choice to keep learning what she loves."

It left you speechless. A scholarship that would fully pay for all your college expenses if you turned in an essay that blew their minds? It was like a dream come true. And you could write about anything. Anything at all.

Miss Jennifer kept talking and gushing about it, but you had already heard enough. There were so many possibilities as to what you could do.

But your mind kept going back to that girl who had investigated HYDRA. What if you could do the same... But examining why did the Incident of 2012 happen?

To Be Continued...

#loki x reader #loki odinson #Loki Laufeyson #loki x y/n #loki (marvel)#loki #Loki Friggason

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bemystarsandroses · 6 years ago

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Tough bad boy love

So, this was on Wattpad but since that platform is mostly on luck and whatnot, I think I will post more on here. So, these characters are mine and so is the story. It's... Kinda cliche, but who doesn't love the whole "bad boy loves dorky boy" trope? It's so. Effing. Cute. And I don't think it's used enough in writing. Especially since I have my own lil twist on here. Anyway! If you see any errors or something, please tell me! Also, if you see this on any other place except Wattpad, please tell me! Thanks!!!

Warnings: death mention, death by car crash, greif, new town, new people, arithmomania, rebellious teens, slight bullying it may be considered bullying but yikes this dude is rude,fam fluff, brotherly fluff

Ships: ;) you'll know later

Extra: Kaden is an Oc who, true to his character, has a nickname. This means that in this story, and probably only this story his name is not Kaden. I got too excited when I first made this and made his name Kaden. Didn't even remember the whole nickname thing. So if you find any errors at all, tell me and please let me know!

Arithmomania. The act of counting things as a form of OCD.

We just moved in at 4156 at New Banks Road. Fourth house on the left, it's the blue one with a red roof. Three blocks away from South New Haven High. In the middle of New Haven, in the middle of California, in the middle of no where. This town can almost be called 'off the map.' It felt so remote to me. Then again, I was used to large cities, and this was a small town. Everyone knew everyone. So of course, after we finished unpacking, three people came to our house with baked goods. Cupcakes, cookies, and the other one was an actual cake. My mom looked at me while she put them on the kitchen counter.

"Well if everyone is this nice, then Eric, this place will be perfect for you!" Her smile seemed to make every dark corner of the room brighten. She was my light in the dark when everything was gone to crap. I loved her the most out of everyone in my life, and I would do anything for her. I smiled back, nodding as i spoke to her in my own deep voice. I'm 16, puberty sucks, that's about it.

"Yea, hopefully." I hummed out, I felt my face set into a soft smile as I bit into a chocolate chip cookie. I stared at it for just a moment, counting the chocolate chips in it. As I could see, there was thirteen. I would probably find more as I ate, so I took a bite.

As I chewed, the flavor burst into my mouth and I stood there in awe. "Wow! These are amazing!" I cheered, devouring the cookie quickly. My older brother, Thomas, laughed at me.

"Hey, did you enjoy the cookie?" He mused as he got into a cabinet for a cup. I nodded furiously, my black hair swishing along. After I had my little headbanging session, I smoothed back my hair, which was straight, straighter than me. My brother and I shared our mother's hair color, but according to mom, our father had the curliest hair known to man. That's what my brother got. It was shaved on one side, and on the other he kept most of his hair. It was pretty cool, and his hair got him a lot of girlfriend's who just loved to run their hands through it. I've never really had a date, but since it's a new school year, I hope that would change.

"Eric, have you unpacked your room yet? Decorated or anything?" I shook my head as an answer. She tsk'ed, using her index finger to point at where my estimated room was. "Then go unpack, do something. Maybe it can get your mind off of moving?" Her smooth words strikes me, and I head out of the kitchen with a cookie still in my mouth.

I walk up two steps that lead from our kitchen to out living room, then turn right onto the stairs. I walk up 30 stairs, walk five feet, then turn right once again. I was met with a brown oak door, a golden handle that I put my hand on and turned the knob. I was met with white walls, a dark blue carpet, and a brown door that lead to the closet. I had a dresser near the window which was in the middle of the room, wall opposite of the door. While my bed was to the left of me. Boxes which had my radio, books, and laptop ( and other things). Though I went to my bed, with blue covers and a green pillow, I laid down on my back. I have to be careful, so I don't hit my head on the black nightstand. I stared at the ceiling, which had a fan with... "1....2....3....4...5....6!"

Six blades on it and one lightbulb. I loved counting this house, it made me feel like I was doing something worth while in this town. I may have picked the habit up from my old friends, who loved math. I sighed, remembering my old school and why I was here. That day, one month ago, ruined my life. One of my closest friends, who also did the counting habit, died. She was very sweet and kind, always putting herself before others, but she's gone because of one mistake, of one party night, of one friend who was a little too drunk. I sighed, thinking of her. She was just like me, born with this ocd type, arithmomania. For her, everything had a number. Plants had low numbers, animals around thirty or so, and humans had above fifty. With that, she would add up things with those numbers. The numbers were her trick, and it never made sense to me.I always just counted the basics of things, how many people there were, along with who in the room had brown hair or something. It used to hurt me in elementary and middle school, but being a junior now, and having the last two years with a friend who was just like me helped a lot. Now she's gone. Now, I am all alone...

I sigh once again, now getting up and leaning over my bed to stand. I walk slowly over to a box, it's beside my dresser. I open up the four flaps, and dig through the packing peanuts to find a laptop. The top cover was a dark green and blue Galaxy. It was beautiful to me, space is amazing. I stand and walk back to the bed and sat down. I open it up, and type in my password. 'imissyou' then I open up Google Chrome, and go on a website called After School. I had signed in a few days ago, when I found out the school I will be attending tomorrow. I posted something :

Erictheman

Hey, I will be your new student tomorrow. I cannot wait to meet everyone!

I watched as everyone told me hello, being nice and polite to me, welcoming me to the school and such. However, one person stood out from the rest, like he didn't belong in this chat at all.

Coffeishowisurvive

Welcome to hell, hope to see you never, nerd.

He seemed rude. I huffed, reading it over and over again. "Well I certainly hope I don't run into you at all. You sound like buckets of fun." I rolled my eyes, closing my laptop. Seems like it's time to stop for a while. I put it under my bed, I then start to unpack once more. Clothes where now scattered across the carpet, so I stood up and got out some hangers. Then opened my closet, slowly doing the process of putting the shirts, jeans, and other things into the multiple colored hangers then I hung them up. It wasn't a hard process, and I tried my best to resist counting. My mother told me it's okay to count the house, just not the actions, or I'll go mad.

I gave a small sigh, thinking about songs that we're stuck in my head. I started to hum a bit, which slowly but surely escalated to full on singing.

I was a complete nerd, but now the music was all that was in my head. I sang Bon Jovi. "Oooohh, we're halfway there. Oooohh! Living on a prayer! Take my hand we'll make it I swear. Ooohh-! Living on a prayer!" I rocked out, smiling quite a bit. My mom knocked on my bedroom door, interrupting my rock session. "Hunny, c'mon downstairs. Time for dinner! It's pizza today, since I thought it would be a good relaxing day." I nodded, putting away one more clothing and went outside my room. I closed the door behind me, and walked down the hallway, down the stairs.... And turned in to the kitchen. There, my brother was eating pepperoni pizza and sipping on a glass of soda. I think it was Pepsi? I sighed, sitting down beside him and grabbing a slice. I bit into it, until I heard a rev of a Motercycle.

I was quick to get up, wanting to know who in this small town was driving such a cool thing! rushing out the door and twisting the gold knob. I open it, to find a teenager, probably my age, on a cherry red motercycle. As the boy did a stop at a stop sign, I got a pretty good look at him, since we lived on the corner. His body was in black, with what looked like leather. On the back of it was a bright red A with a circle around it that was covering a good portion of it. The shoulders seemed to have pads on, making his shoulders look bulkier and wider, Along with jeans and a pair of dark boots. I couldn't see his face. All I saw, was his bright Blue hair poking out of the sides of the helmet. We kept eye contact for about.... 10 seconds until he rode off. I stared in awe, did this town have a ' bad boy' like in the books? But damn, did he look hot as hell in leather.

#gay #bad boy #tough bad boy #tough bad boy love #new kid #new story #from wattpad #i swear i'm original #i don't know what to say help #did anyone think of this before or what #writing #boy love #bad boy loves geeky new kid #these tags are stupid #highschool story #based in highschool california #new haven high

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evalocity · 7 years ago

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Password to your Heart

Pairing : Junmyeon x Becky (my friend Admin B from @noona-clock !)

Words : 2k

Genre : Fluff, Hogwarts!Au, a little bit of angst

Summary : They do say stereotypes have a part of truth in them, and when it comes to the smart, nerdy, bookworm Ravenclaw and the brave, athletic, witty Gryffindor, it seems that this part of truth lies in Becky, Junmyeon and the cheesy crush they have for each other but will never admit. Or will they ?

Message for Admin B : It’s been a while since I’ve shared my work to anyone at all, but when Admin T came to me and asked me to do something for your birthday Becky, it was with great pleasure that I accepted. I honestly don’t remember being more motivated and enthusiastic for a fic than with this one ! Waiting a whole week for you to read this was absolute torture, and I low key forced a few of my mutuals to read some parts to have feedback because I wanted everything to be perfect. I truly hope you’ll like this. I wish you an amazing Birthday and year, you’ve been such a good friend to me B (you and T !) I’m so so glad I decided to follow your blog and that we became mutuals cause damn I don’t know what I would do without your writing and, well, you ^^ Hope you enjoy xoxo

“Password ?”

“What ?”

“I asked for the password you have to say for me to let you pass.” The portrait of an old, bearded man in front of Becky replied with an annoyed tone. “Don’t you know how it works ?”

The Ravenclaw frowned. The secret passages she’d use to arrive on time for her classes never required a password before, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to deal with Sprout’s wrath would she be late because of the stubbornness of a portrait.

“I’ve been using secret passages for seven years. How come are you the only one enforcing a password to cross yours ?”

“Because I decided so.”

Great. Becky thought while rolling her eyes as she tried to think of a way to pass.

After a minute that felt like an eternity of the girl’s dark eyes glaring at the portrait’s painted ones, the old man sighed, having seemingly gave up trying to get out winner of this situation.

“Are you going to stand here all morning ?” He asked, this time fear more present in his tone than irritation.

"Well that depends..maybe you could make an exception for me ?” Becky asked while doing what she hoped would look like puppy eyes. “It’s my birthday and I really, really, don’t want to start the day with a detention. Pretty please ?”

The portrait stayed silent for a few seconds, visibly weighing his limited options.

“Very well, very well.” He finally said, defeated. “Normally I would obviously have refused you access to my passage but as it’s your birthday...maybe I could give you a present for the occasion.”

“Look that’s nice but I really don’t have the ti-”

“Pumpkin Pastry. Happy birthday.”

Becky couldn’t help but carry a smile of content as she realized what the portrait meant and thanked him.

“Don’t mention it.”

“Sweets as passwords, though ?” She said sarcastically, crossing the passage’s entrance. “Isn’t that Professor Dumbledore’s thing ?”

“He stole it from me.”

Becky loved using secret passages. Yes, of course, it’d provide her with a quick and efficient way to move around the castle, but mostly she’d use them to be in her own world for a few minutes, or a few hours would she sit in the middle of the dark yet warm corridors to finish a book. And the best thing was, whereas wherever she’d be or whatever she’d touch in the gigantic castle had been someone else’s before - even her own bed - these long passages were that one thing that she and only she owned.

It’s not that she didn’t have friends or anything. Actually, Becky was well-liked amongst all Houses combined. Ambitious, loyal, friendly and smart, it seemed like the Ravenclaw was the best student and friend you could ask for. But that was the heart of the problem. Her problem. One might think that being this “perfect” brought the perfect life along, but truth was all it truly brought was the unbearable pressure of always hiding behind a flawless facade, leading Becky to need a break from the rest of the world pretty often.

Although her joyful aura was appreciated by many, there were still students at Hogwarts that rather preferred picking on the young wizard to see it finally break. Sometimes, they did succeed, but she’d never cry in front of them and instead would opt for hiding in a secret passage until the tears would stop falling.

And when Becky thought about who these bullies were, it truly didn’t surprise her that most of them were Gryffindors. Not because in that House necessarily lied meaner people, but because it was in that House that belonged Kim Junmyeon.

Ugh.

Only thinking about him made her want to throw up.

When she saw him sit on that small wooden stool, waiting to be sorted and nervously playing with his fingers when they were only 12 and had been in Hogwarts for no more than 15 minutes, her young and inexperienced heart had ridiculously missed a beat.

That was before he’d actually open his mouth.

Nowadays the Ravenclaw prefect saw Junmyeon as he truly was : the Gryffindor troublemaker. Always late in class, always with his tie undone - Becky had to admit it was kinda sexy, but nobody needed to know that - always picking on her and calling her “Becca” or “Becs” or anything that wasn’t what she liked to be called as...

The young girl shook her head. Trying to forget about all that, as after all it was the point of using these secret passages, she focused on the feeling of her fingers sliding against the cold stone walls when she was walking until, by turning a corner, she was stopped short by a jet-haired boy in front of her she recognized way too well.

His doe-brown eyes widen as they met hers, both of their faces distorted in horror.

“Jun-Junmyeon ?” Becky stammered with bulging eyes. “What the hell are you doing here ?”

“Becca ?!” He said, visibly just as shocked but also suspiciously uncomfortable and out of breath, as if he had been caught rather than surprised. “I...huh didn’t see you there. What’s up ?”

“I've told you a thousand time it’s Becky.” She stuttered trying not to look at the boy’s unsurprisingly undone tie and messy hair but only ending up turning red. “And you didn’t answer my question...”

“Why are you blushing ?” Junmyeon asked, quirking an eyebrow arrogantly as he knew so well how to.

“Just tell me what you’re doing here !”

The Gryffindor didn’t answer right away, and Becky could swear he was up to no good though investigating the mess he’d done 10 minutes before class wasn’t what she had in mind.

“I’m not sure that concerns you, princess.” He simply said, and Becky prayed she didn’t turn even more red at the nickname, internally confused at why it was suddenly so hot in the confined space.

“I’m a Prefect, so yes whatever you’re up to does concern me.” She tried to reply as sharply as possible. “However, I’m late for class and you’re definitely not on my priority list right now, so I’ll deal with you later.” And with that she passed him by, heading to the passage’s exit.

“Not your priority, huh ?” Junmyeon inquired as he followed her lead. “I’m hurt.”

“Just leave me alone, Junmyeon ! I already had to fight my way in here with a portrait, I don’t want to fight my way out with you.”

“Why are you acting all high and mighty suddenly ?” He continued, obviously having other plans in mind than respecting the boundaries the Ravenclaw was desperately trying to set. “I know you can be fun, Minseok hyung told me you’re always the one making people laugh in your common room.”

“Didn’t know Minseok was in your group of bullies.” Becky said, her mind racing at the thought of her friend telling Junmyeon about what she was like.

The back of the tapestry that hid the passage’s exit was now only a few feet in front of the two teens and, without even waiting for an answer to her comment, she accelerated her pace to finally get out of what seemed to be hell.

“I thought I told you to leave me alone !” Becky hurled, looking behind her shoulder at Junmyeon who’d seem to keep following her once outside the passage.

When she finally saw him stop in his tracks, the Ravenclaw satisfyingly turned around to look in front on her until she was stopped herself by noticing that the tall and imposant figure of her transfiguration professor was standing in the middle of the corridor, her green eyes staring at them both with reprobation and discontent.

“So this really isn’t my day, huh.” The prefect couldn’t help but say out loud.

“Professor McGonagall, Rebecca has nothing to do with this.” Junmyeon said, stepping forward next to Becky who, confused, was trying to silently ask the boy what he could possibly be talking about.

“Please, spare me your excuses, Mr. Kim.” The woman said firmly, her piercing gaze almost magically forcing the teens to stay quiet. “It is very noble of you to try to defend your classmate, but I am sorry to tell you that both of you, along with the other students that helped perpetrate this prank, will be forced to attend detention tonight in the Forbidden Forest.”

“What ?!”

“Yes, professor...”

“You must be kidding me.” Was the only thing Becky could manage to add as she watched McGonagall quietly turning a corner of the corridor and disappearing. “For Merlin’s sake, please tell me this is a dream.”

“Becca...”

“Pinch me. You have to pinch me cause I need to wake up I swear this can’t-”

“Bec stop !”

“No YOU stop !” Becky almost shouted to the point where the Gryffindor took a few steps away from her. “Minerva McGonagall just sent me to the Forbidden Forest on my birthday because YOU fucked up as you always do !”

The girl took a deep breath and didn’t speak for a few minutes, merely acknowledging Junmyeon who hadn’t moved an inch.

“So, see you tonight, right ? Can’t wait for the birthday party to start.” She finally said and with that she was stormed off without another word.

“Where are the others ?”

“They already went in, I waited for you.” Junmyeon answered quietly as they walked towards the dark forest, noticing how Becky’s dull eyes didn’t even bother looking at him when she sarcastically snapped back “too kind.”

When Becky was sarcastic, it was never good. Junmyeon knew that well. It was her way of protecting herself from him, from others.

How she’d act when he’d put a lock of hair behind her ear for her on purpose. What she’d do when he’d stare at her just a bit too long as she’d blame her cheeks getting red on her being angry instead of shy.

The teenagers both had a warm cloak over their uniforms, the Gryffindors eyes shining under the light of the Ravenclaw’s wand. The boy was trying to find a way of making conversation, but before he could say a word he was cut by his counterpart who was visibly feeling uncomfortable by the deafening silence too.

“Do you ever comb your hair ?” She asked and Junmyeon was taken aback by the weirdness of the question.

“I don’t know...I never really bothered, why ?”

“It’s been 5 years and it seems everyday is your bad hair day.”

“Oh, so you noticed that ?” He teased as Becky’s cheeks unsurprisingly started getting red.

She didn’t answer and instead looked away, embarrassed that someone now knew how, when she’d drift away and stop listening in class, it was him she’d observe.

Why did Junmyeon always had to make her uncomfortable ? She hated that. She hated him.

You started it. Becky thought only to curse herself for thinking that.

“What are you thinking about ?”

The girl stopped in her tracks, turning her head to look at Junmyeon who had spoken up and found herself destabilized by the way he was deeply staring at her.

“That this night sucks.” She muttered, trying to keep her composure by crossing her arms.

“No it doesn’t.” The boy softly said but shut up as Becky shushed him. “What is it ?”

“I heard a noise...”

“It’s probably just the wind.”

“Or a wild, big and hungry animal.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Whatever.” He chuckled, a smirk on his lips as he quicken his pace.

“Hey ! Don’t you dare leave me behind Kim Junmyeon or my ghost will haunt your ass !”

The boy slowed down but kept smiling at the thought of Becky opening up to him, being funny around him and, just, being herself.

Wasn’t it little steps that mattered most ?

“I’m serious though ! This is by far the worst way to celebrate a bir-” Becky tried to add but was cut off by the forest around her illuminating suddenly as all she heard was Lumos !.

With her mouth slightly opened, she saw garlands light up in the branches of the old trees of the forest. Minseok, Yixing, Irene, her best friend Seulgi and even Junmyeon’s own best friend Chanyeol were all there, holding a cake in the air with their wands and smiling at her.

“Jun...Junmyeon ?” She stammered, looking at the boy who had the brightest smile of them all.

“Happy Birthday Becs.”

For a few seconds no sounds would come out of Becky’s mouth. Until all she could ask was “Was that...your idea ?”

“It was.” Chanyeol answered for his friend with a wink. “And he owes me 5 galleons for helping making the cake.” He continued, but a simple glare from his friends told him to shut up.

“So...are we going to eat that cake or not ?” Yixing asked, and in that moment Junmyeon regretted he didn’t plan something without his guy friends.

“How about you start eating and the birthday girl joins you in a few minutes, yeah ?” He proposed, and everyone seemed to understand what he meant.

Everyone except Becky who couldn’t remember being more confused in the entirety of her life.

“I-I don’t understand.” She said, looking at the Gryffindor in desperation for an answer.

“Look, I don’t want to sound cheesy here, but I...I really like you, Becca. I wanted to show it to you tonight, with this birthday party in the woods and witg professor McGonagall’s help as..I know I haven’t always been able to do so properly before.”

“Yeah...that’s an understatement.” Becky murmured, letting out a sigh. “I’ve had a crush on you ever since I watched you during the Sorting Ceremony and...Merlin this is embarrassing.”

Junmyeon laughed warmly, embracing the young girl who stood stoic in his arms, unable to move from the shock of how her day went on.

“This is crazy.” She said, feeling weak, but was shut up by the chaste kiss that the boy put on her lips.

“Was that alright ?” He asked nervously, and Becky could swear the last time she had seen him this nervous had been 5 years ago when he sat on that wooden stool.

“It was perfect.”

“I meant if it was okay for me to kiss you, but I’ll take that too.”

It was the Ravenclaw’s time to laugh, and taking the boy by his loose tie, she pulled him against her to kiss him again.

“Huh Becky ?” Seulgi called. “Not to ruin the moment, but there are people...watching this.”

“Not in a thousand years would I have believed professor Trelawney had she told me this day would be real.” Becky softly said to the boy who was now inches from her face.

“Happy Birthday, princess.”

#exo #exo suho #exo junmyeom #exo xiumin #hogwarts au #harry potter au #k-pop #fanfiction #alternate universe #harry potter universe #hogwarts #ravenclaw #gryffindor

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rainystripe · 7 years ago

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{one-shot (?)} ROLL DEEP

pairing: Jughead Jones/Betty Cooper fandom: Riverdale 6773 words Summary/excerpt: “Merry Christmas, jo—y” he mutters to himself after securing a large bite of brownie in his mouth. It’s dark in his room during Christmas, but the darkness fades away as his phone lights up with 5 back to back messages from Betty. It doesn’t take much guessing to wonder what she’s sent.

A greeting of course, and a million colorful emoji.

Jug!

Merry Christmas

or,

Jughead Jones + Netflix and Chill= Betty Cooper?

AO3

Okay, idk where to start LOL. This is inspired by my own dumb text posts and @sweaters-and-crowns inspired me to write this out. I wrote this shit in an entire sitting until my phone was about to die. ANYWAY, a huge, HUGE thank you to @theatreofexpression, @electromagnetic-waves and @rezfaultsmoke for helping me out with this! Honestly, cannot express my gratitude enough <3

I have the option for a possible follow up chapter just in case I go along with it. But lemme know if one of you is interested in collaborating with the second one?!

lastly, Happy Holidays to everyone reading this.

Being alone wasn’t all that bad. Jughead Jones knew that perfectly well. And it’s not that he’s entirely lonely, he has friends and family.

A very spotty family at that, but there’s always a family there for him. And as of late, his choice of family isn’t one by blood in fact, his best friend and his dad are always there for him. Archie and Fred Andrews are always on call for whenever he needs anything. It’s not that Jughead is some type of beggar, because he isn’t, but when he finds that he needs the comforting warmth of familiar faces, good greasy food, and overall good times, the Andrews men are always a good choice.

It’s December 13th in late 2015 when Archie texts Jughead the password to the Netflix account that had recently Fred opened up. The red haired teen has done nothing but gush about how ‘epic’ and ‘fucking awesome’ the application was and at first Jughead doesn’t understand the hype. He’s heard of it, yeah— who hasn’t? The ads are everywhere and so are the stupid memes. Jughead also didn’t understand why he would need an online theater since there was a perfectly working on through the Bijou and the Twilight. The later of while held glorious tin encased reels from years past. Nothing could compare to the original format of film, but alas, Jughead was born in a different era: the Digital Age.

“Netflix and Chill”

Just hearing Archie talk about the popular term makes the blue eyed teen grimace as he stuffs a chip into his mouth. Archie has been on a quest to ‘get some girls’ and as far as Jughead knew, no one was biting. He does however, know what the entirety of the football team have been ‘getting some fine ass pussy’ (according to Chuck Clayton) as of late, and the not-subtle locker confessions are always accompanied by the Netflix and Chill combo. He doesn’t quite get what the fuss is all about nor does he care. But one thing is for sure, and that is that Jughead Jones doesn’t want to “chill” with a girl while he could be watching a movie on his own.

Unless that girl was blonde, green eyed and super into movies as he was. Elizabeth Cooper was the only girl that he'd hang out with and that was law. No one else could sit with him through a movie, not even his kid sister Jellybean, as she’d talk through the entire selection of his choice and whine about his top choice films for being ‘boring’. Archie was something else, maybe he’d reconsider the ginger if he’d stop falling asleep during Inglourious Basterds. So, Betty was the perfect candidate for watching a movie or t.v series with.

There’s a strange occurrence one day when they all sit for lunch one day, the blonde plops down and immediately dips her head down to ask them something. They’re outside in the blistering cold and Archie is seated next to her while Jughead sits across from the pair. It’s a normal lunch break until Betty asks what the meaning to ‘chilling with Netflix...or whatever’ meant.

The redhead next to her strings loudly at the wooden guitar while Jughead swears the apple juice he’s just been drinking might’ve gone up his nose. Their reactions only cause Betty’s authoritative gaze to inquire for more information and in typical Cooper fashion, the look demands answers.

“Uh, w-why do you ask, Betts?” Jughead doesn’t mean to stutter, but he does and he doesn’t know why.

Betty blinks and a blonde brow shoots up “Because... Reggie just asked me if I wanted to ‘chill and netflix’ with him.” Her fingers raise to quote her own words, confusion evident on her face. “And then his goonies started to laugh!” She huffs and purses her lips.

Both Archie and Jughead share a knowing look, one of pity from Jughead and the other of awkwardness from his best friend. While Betty picks and tears at the plastic wrapped around her straw, she mumbles in annoyance, distaste as clear as day on her face.

“Ugh. What does that mean?” she mumbles.

Archie’s chocolate eyes urge Jughead’s own icy ones and vice versa. There’s a tiny tug and pull to see who will let Betty in on the dumb trend, and Jughead finally sighs. It always felt weird to talk about anything dirty or suggestive to wholesome Betty Cooper.

“Err— well, Betty…” when he finally starts, her ears perk up and all of her attention is on the beanie clad boy. The curious look and doe eyes make him gulp.

Why did he suddenly feel bad?

“Reggie is being a dumbo as per usual, so don’t listen to anything that leaves his Colgate mouth. But, if you must know…”

The explaining happens and by the end, Betty is fuming in disgust. Archie plants a comforting hand on her back and Jughead offers up the apple on his tray that he never eats as a condolence, one which Betty gratefully pockets for her walk back home after school.

That night, when he’s lounging in tiny space of his living room, his phone rings. Homework has been finished and his backpack was ready for the next class day. Jughead was fresh out the shower and attempting to write on his laptop when the password is texted to him. He stares at his phone for a good minute and ponders if his slow internet would even entice him to download the app on the older computer. It’s not until another text comes through a few minutes later that Archie reminds him of the web browser alternative that he finally gives in and signs into the page.

Writing was sort of boring and the trailer was actually warm for once thanks to the ancient heater that rumbled to life after kicking it in frustration that cold morning. Jughead turns off the light next to him by the couch, allowing darkness to engulf the tiny trailer. The website is simple enough and he realizes that one account already has been set to be his. He snorts and smiles and proceeds to click on the lazy looking image. He doesn’t know where to start; there is an overwhelming amount of content that’s plastered on the main page.

Mean Girls, The Walking Dead, Pocahontas even. Everything is new and flashy and none of it catches his attention and after scrolling for what felt like forever, a recommendation that he recognizes greets him: Rebel Without A Cause.

“Huh, not bad Netflix, not bad at all.” He mutters.

Jughead watches the entirety of the movie and then he’s watches another, and another. He watches a total of four classic films before his eyes close on him. The laptop eventually goes to sleep and Jughead has a strange dream where he’s the main character in a noir inspired film and Betty is a spy that’s out to get him.

—

Surprisingly enough, Netflix becomes a normal part of Jughead’s daily routine. He often finds himself watching The Twilight Zone while getting ready for school. Other times, he’s sitting on the small two person table in the corner of the kitchen while blowing on the instant ramen that he's made for dinner as Nightmare on Elm Street blares through the speakers of his laptop.

He won’t admit it to anyone because he’s not one to admit to anything, but Jughead finds himself literally chilling while watching Netflix. So maybe the concept of an online Blockbuster isn’t all that bad.

The days go on, and when Christmas break finally arrives, a selection of Christmas themed movies filter through his recommended list. Most of the films that have been selected don’t interest him—sans the original Home Alone (and that one only) so Jughead settles on binging the X-Files and going against the holiday mood that the year has bestowed on the entire planet.

“Santa, kiss my ass. Hello, aliens.”

On Christmas Eve, the trio of friends spend a few hours of the afternoon at Pop’s. Betty and Archie bring gifts and spoil Jughead. While he doesn’t have any gifts to give due to his nonexistent cash flow, he does manage to scavenge enough money from under the couch and the inside of his father's truck to pay for two milkshakes.

“Aww, you didn’t have to, Juggie!” críes Betty, but the look in her eyes say otherwise. If there was a way to describe the word ‘mouthwatering’ it would be the way her jade eyes gloss over with glee at the sight of her favorite treat being placed in front of her. Beside’s, milkshakes usually mark the end of their usual meal, so it was tradition anyway.

“It’s fine, Betty. Trust me. Just enjoy it, please.” The burning embarrassment that’s filling his belly makes him squirm at his version of a gift, but alas, his friends don’t seem to care about the quality or price tag.

“Okay.” Betty pouts back, but she cracks not a second after when her finger dips to scoop up the whipped cream topping the strawberry milkshake. The shy smile on her face makes him smile in return and before he can even register what he’s doing, the maraschino cherry from Betty’s treat is being plucked away from its creamy resting place.

“Jug!” she gasps in mild horror.

A sheepish grin breaks out on Jughead after popping the cherry into his mouth.

In the end, Archie offers his which Betty gratefully accepts and chews on while glaring at the dark haired boy sitting across from her.

Betty’s gift is a new cotton sweater in a cool grey, there’s no hoodie or zipper to it, and while it’s not his usual style, it’s very comfortable and warms him up faster than the broken heater. She’s also gifts him with the annual batch of brownies prepared by her mother, ones which he looked forward to every year. The sinful double chocolate chip fudge brownies were the epitome of heaven on earth that Alice Cooper somehow made every year. It was a treat that contradicts her usual strict style of dieting and control of food for her family, but he had no complains about the brownies, and he never will— unless she changes up the recipe to be skinny. His other gift is a 40 dollar gift card to Pops which Archie swears was the best gift ever since he will be able to reload it whenever he wanted to. A suggestion which Archie throws at him that includes the pink card being reloaded by him for his birthday and the following Christmas.

He’s grateful, he really is. Money is a problem, Jughead grew up with minimal money in his life. Being poor and broke and living off used things was the norm for him. He was still too young to find a job and while his father does provide here and there (albeit rarely being home) Jughead manages.

He always manages.

The internet that runs throughout Sunnyside is a shared connection routing through one main trailer where a guy manages to get illegal access to. It’s not the fastest or the best as every trailer uses the line, but it works fine for him when he’s nestles in bed at night. Being a night owl had its perks, no one was awake when he was, which meant that the internet was free of all the traffic that usually slows it down during the day.

Midnight arrives like any other night. There’s a distant crack in the air, fireworks most likely.

“Merry Christmas, jo—y” he mutters to himself after securing a large bite of brownie in his mouth. It’s dark in his room during Christmas, but the darkness fades away as his phone lights up with 5 back to back messages from Betty. It doesn’t take much guessing to wonder what she’s sent.

A greeting of course, and a million colorful emoji.

Jug!

Merry

Christmas

followed by a plethora of green Christmas trees and pink hearts (oddly enough) a few reindeer, presents, bows and confetti. All which she flawlessly executes with the dramatic background effect on the messaging app which lights up with animated fireworks.

“Geez, Betty. An enigma you are.” He reckons out loud before replying with his own simple greeting.

Merry Christmas, Betty. followed by a plain thumbs up.

—

Exactly two years later, 2016 Jughead Jones would have actually laughed in the face of his present self when told that he was in a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship with a girl, not a stranger, but Elizabeth Cooper.

Jughead was sure that love wasn’t for him. Love and affection had screwed him over since the day he was conceived. His father, FP Jones was a recovering alcoholic now, but he he used to be a poor father. A gang leader, drug dealer with major issues. Gladys Jones— his mother, who knows where the hell she’d fucked off to. She claims to be in Toledo with his grandparents and younger sister Jellybean, but who knows really.

Life had gotten complex during the summer of 2017. A local golden boy had been murdered and the mystery of who did it had somehow brought Betty and himself closer together, so close in fact that Jughead realized that his feelings for her were much farther from friendly.

They had their ups and downs as any couple does. At some point he was sure that they just couldn’t work out. It was as if the universe and his cursed destiny tried to pry him from anything good in his life, but he should have known Betty.

Boy, should he have, especially when dealing with Betty and her world famous stubbornness.

Her fight and reassurance kicks him in the face, planting firmly the idea that he controls his own path and destiny. So, ever since their last breakup back during Halloween, things have been well for the young couple. So well in fact that he was sure he was permanently high.

High off Betty Cooper.

A delicious high, one which he couldn’t get enough of. Her scent, her skin, eyes nose and lips, every bit of Betty was a craving that he woke up to every morning. Jughead was still somewhat shy and awkward around her, that was who he was in personality. He wasn’t some stud who walked around oozing sex appeal and constantly grabbing his girlfriends ass while out in public. Far from it.

Behind closed doors and in the comfort of certain places, both teens found solace in each other’s arms. A comfort and warm that could brave anything the outside world brought to them. No attempt at joining his father's ex-gang could break them. Alice Cooper’s demands to leave FP’s son in Southside went on deaf ears.

Jughead muttered words of love to Betty.

“I love you...I love you.”

She’d watched in surprise at his confession, one which filled her with so much joy that she found the words to mutter them back with tears looking at her jade eyes as she inched closer with a heart crushing smile on her face.

“Jughead Jones, I love you.”

Betty was a part of him then and an even more important one now.

The warm scent of coconut wafts up his nostrils. It’s Christmas again, and this year Betty is spending it with him in the dinky trailer. It’s cold inside and neither teen have bothered to separate from each other to run out and grab the portable heater that Betty had brought along.

Betty’s lips are on his, working through a wet frenzy that makes his stomach clench in need. Their kiss is sloppy to say the least. Long have the brownies been forgotten. The fresh sweets where the reason as to why she was with him in the first place, having begged Alice to let her take the car to drop them off. Even though it was midnight now, Betty had perfectly mapped out when to ask and leave the house.

“Mm—Betty, your mom—“ Jughead muttered between kisses.

“—is asleep” she replied around a mouthful full of tongue. Feverish kisses filled the air of the cramped trailer, their mouths digging deeper into one another. Betty whimpered at the feel of Jughead’s tongue curling against her own, her hands coming down to keep her steady against the edges of the couch.

“You sure?”

“Positive, now shut up and kiss me.” She smiled into his lips. The blue eyed boy eyes crinkled in response, a mischievous smile creeping tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“If you say so.” He finished before attacking her moist lips once more. Teeth came in contact and wet sounds filled the air. The short gasps of air warmed up their faces as they continued to kiss until Betty was resting her back against the worn out cushions of the couch.

This Christmas was already starting off with a literal bang and Jughead had never been so excited for any holiday in his life.

Nimble fingers slip into midnight curls, tugging Jughead closer into her mouth. The same fingers feel good against his scalp which send a delicious sensation down his spine and across his entire body. He’s positioned himself above the blonde, making sure not to crush her by hoisting his body up by one knee in between her legs while the other hangs off the couch. Betty’s legs however, are a different story. The couch was far too small and they were both too tall. One of Betty’s legs is propped up against the headrest of the couch while the other struggles to stay curled around his hanging leg. Gravity doesn’t help and her leg is constantly dragging down before she hoists it back up into place.

Betty notes the taste on his lips and tongue, it’s sweet from the brownies and strong from the coffee he’d downed earlier. The taste is delicious and she can’t get enough and makes sure to let it be known when she curls her tongue against his own, sucking on it lightly. The action causes the deep rumble of his moan to rip through the deepest reaches of his body. It strikes her as super sexy and she moans back.

Jughead latches onto her bottom lip, knipping it softly before plucking it. Her cherry lips are engorged and plump, screaming in a lovely tint that only beckons him to return. Her chest is heaving and his hand reaches out to lift the peach colored top from her body. The tiniest brush against her skin burns him and suddenly the room is no longer freezing, but scalding hot.

Sucking in a ragged breath, Betty manages to lift the top half of her body and arms to remove her sweater, leaving her in a flower patterned lace bra. The laptop screen is still bright in front of them. Home Alone is playing in the background and the hotel scene manages to accentuate the lighting around Betty.

Jughead swallows at the mere sight of Betty’s glowing honey eyes under the effect of the screen. A sheen of gloss on her lips blinds him and he wants nothing more than to kiss her again.

He’s about to lean down when she stops with him with a warm hand on his chest.

Her usually alert eyes are blown wide and lust envelops the usually sweet girl. Her bottom lip is caught between her teeth and Jughead feels his mouth go dry.

Betty is stunning.

The swell of her breasts calls to him and he can’t get close. The periwinkle tinted bra is tight against her skin and he wonders if he can free her from it soon. Betty, however has other plans. She shoots him a shy look and avoids eye contact and she wiggles out of her skirt.

“Betty?” He whispers. Why? He doesn’t know. It’s not like there’s someone else in the trailer.

When the fabric reaches her knees, Jughead takes it as a signal to move back and give her space to watch her as she lifts her long legs in the air to dispose of the wine colored skirt.

It’s a sight, and wonderful one at that. Long creamy legs, supple thighs and matching set of underwear greet him and blue eyes watch intently as Betty bends both knees in front of her stomach. Her pink sneakers dangle in front if him as her arms reach for her knees, hugging them close to her chest. A teasing smile causes his boxers to feel tighter. Blood pumps down south and Jughead groans. The only time that he chooses to wear boxers briefs too. The strain is stifling and he feels the urge to get naked then and there.

“Betts…” He sighs in desperation. He doesn’t know why she’s huddled up or why she’s smiling at him him like that, but damn does she looks good enough to eat.

“Jug…” she copies. Her hands move from cupping her knees to roaming down her legs all while keeping her knees close. It’s a movement that baby blue eyes never stray away from.

Jughead’s eyes widen slightly, urging her on. “Yeah?”

Suddenly she’s nervous, very nervous. There’s something that she’s been wanting for a few days now, a repeat of what they first tried a week prior. An experiment that involved Jughead’s mouth. It’s hunted her, the thought and memories combined with feelings causing arousal to pool in between her legs.

She can’t help wanting to stop their act to get a dose of his mouth on her nether region, but the need is incredibly strong and her panties only become wetter by the second.

“I want you...here.” Her legs part slightly, allowing enough space for her arm to budge through her thigh to cover her sex through her underwear. Betty gulps in anticipation, wondering if Jughead will say no and if she’s ruined the moment with her request.

Their sexual history was tame, wild missionary sex with the occasional ass in the air for Betty as Jughead pounds at her from behind. Sex was new, and they’d only been experimenting for a few weeks, so introducing something new was always nerve wracking. Betty remembers how shy he’d been when she had stuffed her hand into his jeans two nights after their loss of virginity. A day after that Jughead rubbed her into an orgasm over her panties while waiting for school to start. Even then, they’d both fumbled during the entire process. A series of apologies littered the entire thing consummation.

They were wet behind the ears, yes, but that didn’t stop two hormonal teenagers from lusting after each other. Two weeks prior, Jughead managed to gather his thoughts and went down on Betty for the first time, earning him a wet nose and chin with a thigh crushing orgasm against his head from Betty all while doing it on her childhood bed. It must have been good enough to want her to ask for seconds, because his heart has leapt at her sudden request.

“Oh.” He said lightly.

Noticing his response not being as enthusiastic as she’d imagined it be, Betty’s legs slowly drop back down, embarrassment engulfing her. Again, her heart quickens and a dull ring is the only thing that she can properly register. Quickly, she moves to sit up, green eyes avoiding his. The shame in her face is obvious and Betty feels stupid for ruining the moment.

Why couldn’t she have just let nature take its course without having to interrupt it for her own selfish needs?

“You know, never mind.” A nervous laugh escapes her and Betty is moving to sit up but Jughead stops her. The boy moves in closer to her, and her legs are nudged apart. Her heart slams against her chest and Betty is blinking up at Jughead in surprise.

“It’s okay, Betty. I’ll do it...you don’t have to ask.” He adds shyly. His eyes wander to hers, locking together that it becomes hard to look away.

It was surprising that she’s asked him to repeat the act. The first time was sloppy and not how he’d imagine it to be, but he had managed to make her come and since it was never brought up again until now, Jughead had guessed she didn’t like it.

But now, his member was growing stiffer against his boxers the longer that he thought about tasting Betty again.

“Oh, I just…” her green eyes also wander off with an equally awkward look on her face, but her focus moves to his pajama pants where a bulge was beginning to form. The red in her cheeks is adorable and Jughead suddenly leans down to kiss her, catching her off guard. Betty gasps into the kiss, opening her mouth wider for Jughead’s tongue to invade every inch. The kiss gets heated, and Jughead body pushes down against her own, making Betty lay down once again.

As they kiss, Jughead inhales deeply, enjoying the mewls that escaped Betty when taking her leg to prop back up against the headrest. His hand trails down from her knee, down the smooth skin of her inner thigh.

The continue to kiss with Betty breaking contact to shuffle closer down towards his knee, spreading her legs even wider in the process by hooking an arm under her other leg. Kisses are placed against his jaw and down the exposed skin of his neck. It’s only when her nose nuzzles his sweater does he realize that he’s still fully clothed.

Jughead shrugs off the material in a hurry, his hair becoming a mess of curls jutting in every direction, a look which makes Betty bite at the corner of her bottom lip.

He looks delicious.

Shirtless, with wild hair and a trail of dark hair that disappears into his pajama pants. Jughead makes Betty’s clit throb in need, so much so that her hand leaves her leg to cup her center instead. The fabric is moist to the touch and Betty gasps at how sensitive she feels at the simplest of pressure.

“Juggie…”

Jughead’s stormy eyes shine black under the light of the laptop screen, the shadows cast complex shadows on Jughead’s body which cause Betty to lick at her lips when trailing her eyes down his exposed chest and hips. The black band of his boxers pokes through the blue hues of the plaid pattern of his bottoms. The dip in his hips is sharp and balances out the smooth taut skin of his abdomen while his arms fill out with a strong bulk of muscle that works for his body type: not too much but enough to make her mouth water.

“Lay back Betty.”

And she does, head coming in contact with the wood skeleton of the ancient armrest. The butterflies in her stomach suddenly burst into a flurry of excitement that make her suck in a breath of anticipation. Both of her hands come to lay on her stomach, her chest rising and falling at an alarming rate.

“I’m gonna go down on you, okay?” It's not until Jughead moves slightly that Betty ss able to see how deep his eyes have darkened, the pupils of his eyes gone pitch black with a single ring of blue circling the iris. The look alone cause her walls to pulse on their own and Betty nods.

“Okay.”

The movie is long forgotten and the brownies are as cold by then. Jughead finds a spot on his stomach to lay on, its cramped on the couch. It’s one of the time where he wishes he could move them to the bed, but all that walking would ruin some of the mood.

When he’s nestled in front Betty’s spread legs, her arousal become more evident. There’s a dark patch on her panties and the fabric sticks to her folds like a second skin.

“Jug…”

He glances up at Betty, who’d eventually moved up a bit to give him space. Her blonde head now rests on the armrest, one leg still up on the head rest while the other is dangled off his couch. Betty’s green eyes were dark and glazed over in need, both her hands fisted at her hips.

“Sorry, babe.” Her arousal was strong, enticing and doing things to him. Jughead’s hand move to hover above her panty before hooking a finger right over the soaked spot to push the material to the side, exposing Betty to the cool air. She shudders at the exposure and shifts slightly. It’s still somewhat embarrassing to be so exposed, but Jughead boosts a confidence in her that she was sure she didn’t have before and she loves it.

Gulping at the sight, Jughead inches closer to Betty, the elegant slit, moist and beckoning for attention.

“You know, somehow this is better than those brownies.” He muses, smirking.

Betty’s cheeks flame up at the comment and her legs move to close before he’s reaching up to push them apart.

She’s embarrassed and rightfully so, they both have yet to stare openly at each other so intimately.

“Please” She whispers. “I want this.” Betty whines and bucks her hips, rolling them in want. The blonde patch of hair above her pink folds is always a sight to behold. It’s cute and suits her and while he didn’t understand her need to trim, Jughead decides that it is very Betty like to have and quite frankly, he doesn’t care how she looks like down there.

His fingers brush over the tougher hair, tugging at it slightly before running them down her moist lips. And in one swoop, his face is burying down on to her warm core.

Nose deep, Jughead sucks in the air around him, slowing down to breath while indulging in Betty. A shudder rips through her body and she shakes beneath him with a moan so loud that it alarms even herself. Immediately, her hands reach to grab onto anything. And Betty finds her nails digging into the back of the armrest and the cushion beneath her. Her body arches, hips rolling into her boyfriends mouth while her body twists in pleasure. The shaking never stops and Betty knows she isn’t cold.

“Ah—“ she cries out. Jughead closes his eyes, his tongue rolling up and down Betty’s folds, making sure to stop on her clit to rub circles on the bundle of nerves. She’s shaking and he smirks into her skin.

Her body hasn’t been stimulated like that, with a ravenous mouth. As it stands, the young couple are novices who only have missionary (for the most part.) sex. So, having Jughead delicately grind his soft tongue against her aching clit sends her over the moon and Betty finds that her body won’t stop shaking from excitement.

The taste is something he can’t describe. It’s unlike anything he’s tasted before, but he likes it. It’s Betty and he’s causing her to release her juices. A boost of confidence washes over him and his mouth continues to work harder. Jughead’s dark head swivels against Betty, and she blushes when she catches a glimpse of his work.

Up, down, side to side, his tongue laps through pink folds. He even comes in contact with her entrance, teasing it with a few light probes which cause her to gasp and scramble to sit up on her elbows. He’s doing something right and he continues to pleasure Betty even more.

“Ooh, like that, Juggie...oh.” Betty moans, watching Jughead’s dark head go to work on her. The view is intoxicating and it’s hard to register that the act is happening to her. The sight is in fact her underwear, her patch of blonde, all which bluntly remind her that Jughead Jones is buried nose deep in her pussy.

She tosses her head back in ecstasy the moment the sucking on her engorged clit becomes too much. The pleasure is tingling and her body is on fire. Betty’s blonde tresses have long been let loose and she runs her fingers through her hair, gripping at the scalp to control the moans that she’s too embarrassed to release and Jughead takes notice.

The sucking become quicker, matching his beating heart, a rapid motion that causes Betty to gasp loudly. Her green eyes snap down to stare at him in awe, pink lips parted. Tiny moans and ‘yes, yes’ invade his body urging him on.

The sucking become sloppy, and Jughead returns to licking her wildly while Betty grinds her sex against his mouth. Her cries are starting to become louder, the filter slowly disappearing.

“That’s it, no need to hold it in.” He pauses to urge her on. He wants to hear Betty, he wants to hear and see how badly she wants him. The strain in his boxers is unbearable and at some point Jughead finds his own hips grinding into the corners of the cushion to release some friction. The gyration against his hips against the cushion only urges him on and before both know it, his mouth back on Betty. Jughead’s hunger is amplified by the use of his tongue on Betty.

“Oh fuck—“ the sob that tears through the living room makes Jughead stop his actions. The sight of Betty riding through her orgasm is indescribable. Like an flower bud finally unraveling and blossoming, Betty is a literal description of the act. Betty gasps, her breath hitching as her body shakes and her hips snap in front of him three times. Tiny grunts explode from her shaking body and the sounds make Jughead shudder.

The scene is erotic and beautiful, better than any scene in any movie.

“Wow.” Breaths Jughead after she’s landed back down. The shaking has minimized but her thighs still twitch against the sides of his arms. Betty pushes up against the corner of the couch with a finger trapped in her teeth. Her blonde locks are a mess and cover her eyes but to Jughead, it as the sexiest thing he’s ever witnessed.

The tired smile that Betty manages blows the air right out of him.

“God, Betty. That was...stunning.” He breathes, leaning over to her and brushing the golden strands away from her face.

“Mm, you’re so good at that, Jug.” She croaks, her voice light as she struggled to catch her breath. Somehow, Betty finds the will to smirk seductively at him. Jughead groans. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

Again, all Betty can manage to do is groan and tug him down for a kiss.

“I love you, Juggie. I love you so much.” Her declaration make his heart swell, as well as his cock. He’s sure that she’s sucking on his lower lip to taste herself, and it’s made more obvious when she laps at the bottom of his lip.

“Thank you.” She’s still shaking and her stomach continues to jerk against her will and Jughead notices when his hand brushes her navel.

And Betty can taste herself, she can also smell herself which makes her stomach coil in need. She has had a mind blowing orgasm, and she wanted more. But she was sure that she couldn’t go through another one so soon, but she finds Jughead’s hand and leads his fingers to her sensitive folds.

“You did that.” Betty whispers hotly against his ears.

Jughead sucks in a breath and nods, his voice lowering. “I did…”

“Mm.”

The silent foreplay continues and Jughead doesn’t move from his position right above Betty. He continues to rub lazily along her even slicker folds which cause her to gasp and buck her hips. Jughead loves the result that he’s caused. When he comes in contact with her swollen clit, Betty jerks and immediately grabs him by the wrists and shoots him a shy look.

“I don’t think I can do another one just yet.” Biting her lip, Betty blinks up at him and Jughead nods, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

Jughead freezes, silently cursing for kissing her there right after where he’s mouth has been. Betty seems to notice and giggles.

“It’s okay, Jug. I’ll take a shower as soon as I get home...which I should be doing right about--“ when reaching for her phone on the coffee table, the blonde just about shoots up a foot high.

“Ohmygod.”

“Ohmygod, Jug. I gotta go! My mom's going to kill me!” Like a hurricane, Betty sprints from the couch only stopping to fix her underwear before she’s slipping the crumpled skirt back over her legs and Jughead frowns.

Really?

As confused as he is, he still manages to move out of her way. What time was it anyway? She’s been over for what? Two hours? Also, Betty had been positive that her mother would be knocked out by now.

“Betty, I’m sure your mom won’t notice—“ Betty interrupts him as soon as he starts by shoving her phone in his face. It’s 3:24 am and there are three missed calls and a text: all from ‘Momster’

“Oh shit. Betty.” Jughead’s eyes had gone wide and he moves to help her move along. He guesses that he can live with blue balls than face the wrath of Alice Cooper. After all, he can always get access to Betty when he wants to and if he asks nicely. But for now, he’s helping her by throwing the red scarf over her shoulder and wrapping it as best as he can while she retires her hair.

“She’s going to murder me. When did it become 3?” The panic is evident and he feels bad for her. If he could, he would show up to doorstep and take the verbal beating instead.

“Better yet, why is she still up?” Jughead muses. Betty stops and wonders, but shakes her head after a moment. Time was precious and Alice Cooper did not wait. Taking her bag from the single seat, she leans in and plants a kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry I couldn’t...help you out.”

Both teens move to look at his crotch and Jughead coughs. Turning at an angle to avoid the attention that his erection was receiving. It's not as bad as it was earlier, all the Alice talk ruining the mood in the end.

“It’s fine. No need to worry about me, Betts.”

Betty shoots him a sad smile, she really does feel bad. She wanted more but they had no time. So instead she makes a promise. Jughead blinks when Betty steps closer, her warm breath, ghosting over his ear.

“I’ll make it up to you. Think of it as part two to your present?” His body shudders with excitement at the thought. His body also freezes at the hand that squeezes at his cock through the thin material of his pajama bottoms.

“Be—“

Betty Cooper winks and waves before she’s out the door and running towards the station wagon parked in front of the trailer. Jughead stands there for a split second before rushing to the door, watching as the head beams light up the makeshift driveway and as Betty pulls out. She manages a wave through the window and he returns it. The station wagon peels out of Sunnyside Park, driving off into the distance.

Once she’s gone, Jughead takes a quick shower and drops into the bed in a heap of sexual frustration. He’d tried to help himself out under the cool water that the trailer managed to pump out, but he didn’t get far. A hand did not compare to Betty’s hands and lips. He can’t help the lingering arousal but the night had been fun and it turned out different than what he expected. It’s a Christmas completely different to the previous ones before and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

When he’s nestled into the warm sheets, his phone lights up.

A message from Betty.

Netflix and Chill? My house 6:40 sharp. Parents are visiting Polly.

He snorts at the term, the same term which he now remembers caused Betty to make the stinkiest face he’s ever seen. It’s not something he’d like back then, but he’s suddenly very grateful for Archie talking so much about the app that it somehow brought Betty and Jughead together for Christmas.

And besides, it’s not like they’ll be watching anything. There has to be something to distract them to set the mood. Who really watches a movie when they have a significant other anymore?

Netflix and Chill? You bet.

The phone clicks as it’s turned off and Jughead grins in the darkness, excited for the next couple of hours.

—-

merry chrystler, murry curr’mas!!

#bughead #bughead fanfiction #mari writes #fanfiction #riverdale fanfiction

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littlemisssquiggles · 7 years ago

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RWBY Musings #8: Ah yes, RWBY Volume 5 Chapter 5. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, this episode just reminded me once more exactly why I’m fully on board with Ruby and Oscar sharing a close relationship.

I’m gonna drop some blunt honesty right now so take it however you see fit (but hopefully not in a negative light). Regardless of whether you dislike RoseGarden for whatever justifiable reason you may have, you cannot deny the fact that the series itself is clearly pushing those two together. This fifth episode of the season brought more evidence that Ruby and Oscar will have a close relationship.

Will be it purely platonic? Will it be inevitably romantic? Who really knows? But what I can say is that Ruby’s character and overarching presence in Oscar’s life will definitely play a role in his development as a main character and the same can be said vice versa for him with her.

(You know I’m here to talk, so let’s talk. I’ll try to keep it short today. Emphasis on ‘try’)

As much as I love RoseGarden as a ship and would love more than any shipper to see them be endgame, I could admit that I don’t think romance is quite in the cards for these two.

At least, not yet. I’d like to believe that Ruby and Oscar are both in a very complicated place right now where, with the fate of the world on the line and with them both being key players in the fight to save it; I just don’t see romance being a primary focus.

I mean there’ll be seeds of it sprinkled here and there throughout the show in smaller, more intimate moments (like the dojo scene from Chapter 5) but not at the forefront; unless the series calls for it.

I wouldn’t be surprised if their relationship will be like Katara and Aang’s from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Light and fluffy during the first season to establish a friendship and then introduce the romance aspects in the following volume. I could definitely see Ruby and Oscar being and treating each other as ‘just friends’, even close friends in this first volume. And then bit by bit, introduce the sparks of romance here and there where they both begin to see each other in a different light than before.

Either isn’t quite sure what this new foreign feeling means but what they do know is that it’s certainly more than how it was before. They both will fully understand that they definitely like each other while at the same time also knowing that it’s beyond friendship. They will know that their friendship is a close and strong one: that they’re each special to each other but they wouldn’t quite fully understand the full deeper meaning of that connection until later.

And then we, as the viewers, will get to watch them figure it out for themselves and see that journey of feelings persist. Like Ruby will know that she likes Oscar a lot however her liking of Oscar is different than how she likes Jaune and Ren.

I love my ships but I’m a sucker for a slow romance especially when it’s done right and even more specifically, when it actually leads somewhere.

Like I said, as the series progresses and Oscar and Ruby’s blossoming friendships progresses, we’ll probably get more and more moments of their obvious fascination in wanting to know more about each other. At first, I figured that most of the interest would’ve come from Oscar (especially after that first moment in Chapter 1). However, what I find surprisingly cool is that Ruby herself also shares the same intrigue in Oscar. I really love how both teens are interested in wanting to know more about the other.

This is what makes it quite sweet to watch them interact in the show. This is the innocence and purity that I expected the RoseGarden ship to be like in the beginning. Heck, it’s why I sometimes refer to them as RosePine instead cause in my eyes, their relationship has only just began. It has only been just a few episodes in and a few weeks of time passed in the show.

RoseGarden has yet to become a garden. The seeds have been planted though. It’s just a matter of waiting patiently to watch them grow and see exactly how their relationship flourishes.

I know I mostly talk a lot of ship talk in my musings but at the heart of it all, I sincerely want to see these two grow and have a meaningful bond.

I like ships that actually take the time to build the love between two characters so that when it finally comes to fruition, you’ll appreciate it a lot more. I see the potential for that with Ruby and Oscar. I mentioned earlier how the shows seems to be pushing these two together a lot especially in recent episodes.

At first I figured, like many, it’s probably for shipping purposes. But then I sat down and thought about it some more. Now I think that it makes sense. It’s absolutely rational why Oscar and Ruby would naturally gravitate towards each other. They do share a lot more in common than even they realize and I think part of it has to do with the age difference.

Y’know the two year age gap that some folks make a hullaballoo about.

I can definitely seen Ruby and Oscar leaning on each other the most cause, for the first time, they’re not alone. They both have someone on the team who is around the same age as them and is going through the same thing as them and can actually help them to understand the true meaning of everything---the importance of protecting Remnant and stopping Salem.

I am SO glad that I was right about Ruby being the one to have that conversation with Oscar. I was hoping it was her and I’m glad we got it, especially in this episode too. That part was icing on the cake with this episode for me.

Also terrific acting from Aaron is showcasing Oscar’s frustration. I truly felt it for my avocado godson this episode.

Being the youngest in anything (in your class, group, squad, etc), I’d imagine it would be an uneasy thing because on top of all the dire responsibilities that you have to share with your fellow more experienced peers, there is also the pressures of the expectation that others will have of you especially because of your age. I’d imagine that in the beginning, because she was so young, others have probably misjudged Ruby. As a matter of fact, I remember them addressing that point at least twice in the series between Volumes 1 and 2.

I think this is why we often see Ruby being the one to mostly check in on Oscar over anyone else. Sure it could be interpreted at being more shipping fuel; however I’d like to think that Ruby is the only one who fully understands what Oscar is going through and genuinely wants to help him through this transition.

My RoseGarden shippers might not like me for saying this but the way Ruby is with Oscar now is more like a big sister or at least a senpai. She’s definitely looking out for our avocado farm son; the same way how everyone: Qrow, Jaune, Ren, Nora and even her sister and teammates she hasn’t seen in so long used to look out for her.

She cares about Oscar cause honestly, she gets it. She gets his frustration and I loved how Oscar breaking down finally forced Ruby to snap out of her indifference and be honest with him about her sadness; especially the one regarding the lost of two of her friends. I wish we have gotten an extended scene of this. I need a longer scene or moment with Ruby and Oscar just being honest with each other about their feelings; their various nuisances with the world, their pains, EVERYTHING. Not only cause it’ll be good for them both but...because they’ll get why the other feels that way.

This makes me appreciate the two year age gap more. I know folks hate it but frankly I like it cause it’s reminiscent of Ruby. The 2 year age gap between Oscar and Ruby is parallel to the 2 year gap between Ruby and every other main huntsmen and huntress in her year. Ruby was once the proclaimed ‘baby of the bunch’ and now that torch has been passed down to Oscar.

Oscar is now the youngest huntsmen in training in the group and unfortunately, his development has to be fast-forwarded too because he’s also acting as a conduit for Ozpin’s soul. So he has his own fair share of pressures and qualms put on him despite being too young to fully understand them.

I also figured Oscar being inexperienced in fighting might’ve been a thing but as it turns out, he actually has fought before. I found that little titbit about Oscar having fought Grimm before quite cool.

Although, Oscar said he’s only fought the ‘occasional small Grimm’. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t the smallest Grimm species we’ve seen so far in Remnant not the Beowolf and Ursa Grimm? They are the most commonly seen Grimm in the show and the ones more likely to show up in areas of the public. So unless there is a smaller Grimm species native to Mistrel (like perhaps a flying monkey Grimm, ey?) then those are two Grimm I can see probably sneaking onto Oscar’s aunt’s farm.

Either way, if those are the occasional small Grimm Oscar is referring to then how badass is he! Can you imagine small young Oscar protecting his aunt and their home; fending off a single Ursa Grimm that had snuck onto the farm with nothing but a pitchfork by himself, mostly? The fact that Oscar has not only fought Grimm before but has survived it, that just confirms what Ruby said to him in the end. He is indeed a lot braver than one expected him to be; and a lot tougher.

Damn! I have now gained a higher respect for Oscar. I honestly thought that coming from a farmhand way of life pegged him as living the quite simple life, outside the dangers of the Grimm.

So instinctively I would assume he’d be inexperienced to the stuff natural to the huntsmen such as battling the Grimm. But I was wrong.

This actually reminds me of a funny scene from Doctor Strange. It’s the one where Morro hands Strange a piece of paper after showing him to his room. Strange looks at him all puzzled, questioning Morro if the paper was some ancient Chinese mantra; to which Morro looks at him and responds with one of most memorable lines from the movie for me.

‘...It’s the WiFi password. We’re not savages!’

This joke is appropriate cause just as how Dr. Strange misjudged the sorcerers, I, too misjudged Oscar. Just cause he was raised on a farm, doesn’t mean he’s not affected by the threats that commonly inhabit Remnant. Just cause Oscar was raised on a farm and has never encountered huntsmen and huntresses, doesn’t mean he’s oblivious about the Grimm. As a matter of fact, the fact that Oscar has faced more Grimm than huntsmen is daunting.

This tells me that there are probably no actual huntsmen where Oscar is from and that’s even more unnerving.

I totally pegged him wrong from the start. They really do say don’t judge a book by its cover cause there are certainly more layers to Oscar than I figured. And apparently he knows more about combat than he gives off and I like this additional note to his character. Nice touch CRWBY!

Anyways, overall I like the idea of them pushing Ruby and Oscar together cause, it just makes sense guys. No matter what angle the CRWBY decides to take them, it’ll surprisingly work either way in some shape or form.

If they decide to go the purely platonic, big sister/little brother, kouhai to senpai kind of route, it fits cause Ruby haven gone through the same things Oscar is going through currently would be the best candidate to help him through it all; (especially emotionally) more so than anyone else in series. More than Jaune and even Ozpin because Ruby is basically Oscar at the start of the series. So it would make sense if they form a friendship like this because of that familiarity and understanding. It’s one where they can both benefit from as they can both learn from one another and help each other grow. You heard of Jambuds from Steven Universe, now get ready for RoseBuds.

(I kinda like that name. ROSEBUDS is the platonic friend-SHIP between Ruby and Oscar while RoseGarden is the romance ship. Make it a think fandom)

If they decide to go the still purely platonic but very close best friend route, it fits. If a Ruby and Oscar friendship is allowed to happen then it would only be fitting that it becomes a close one. Oscar could become Ruby’s closest guy friend or even her best friend over all. Sorry Jaune. Sorry Weiss. I know Weiss is who Ruby considers to be her, and I quote, ‘super bestie better than the restie’ according to RWBY Chibi. And I know some fans consider Jaune-y boy to be Ruby’s best guy friend. But...that could be Oscar too someday.

And if they decide to go the full on romance route, do I need to even explain this one? Cause I think points number one and two also justify why this would work. I will note however that I don’t see it working now cause the relationship is still fairly new to both characters and there’s still some cute awkwardness between them both.

However..if left to cultivate with the right amount of development, I can certainly see this growing into a meaningful love for both characters (but only once they’ve matured to the age where those kinds of feelings would be more appropriate). Somehow I can only see Oscar and Ruby falling in love with each other as they grow older or at least after a longer period time, like at least after a year.

Overall, either way, RoseGarden just...makes sense you guys! It really does and I’m not even just saying this as a shipper. It just MAKES SENSE. Better yet, it makes FUCKING SENSE and it’s almost mind boggling how much sense it makes.

Hate on the ship as much as you want haters. You are entitled to like whatever ship you like and from one shipper to another, I respect that. However you can’t look me in the eyes and tell me that Ruby and Oscar growing close in some way makes no sense at all.

From now on, if anyone asks me why I like RosePine (RoseGarden), I’m just gonna tell them this:

(Not even trying to be arrogant right now. It just DOES!)

LittleMissSquiggles (2017)

#rwby #rwby volume 5 #oscar pine #ruby rose #rwby rosegarden #rwby musings #ruby and oscar #rwby volume 5 chapter 5

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letitrainathousandflames-archive · 7 years ago

Link

Fives and Dogma are still alive, but have to live in hiding. They need to face their own demons when it comes to understanding what defines them as soldiers, clones, and human beings. When another friend joins them, they may get closer to this understanding for once. AO3 chapter on the link and full chapter below the cut.

The tides are high today. The ruins facing the ocean are long forgotten by the locals – noting to see but worn-out walls guarding a moss-covered house that nobody ever had become interested in. It was too far off, away from the capital city and with a far too difficult access. The terrain was unstable, and a speeder or an actual military walker might be needed to climb the steep way. Not even the troublesome teens would bother try getting there, for it was too much trouble just to spray some graffiti over an old building.

Nobody knows, however, that the place is actually inhabited. The roughed up exterior hides a home that smells like freshly-baked bread and wildflowers (a bush full of them grows near the vegetables being grown in the backyard) and the walls are painted teal-green. The decoration is simple and leaves no clue of what kind of people live there aside from the bes'bev leaning on a wall and the password-locked datapad on the small dinner table. There are three chairs placed around the table, but one of them is covered pants and shirts of the same black uniform while only the remaining two seem to be in use.

The backyard’s wall close to the meiloorun trees has an old, rusty target hanging there, blaster burns so deep on its center the next shot might just pierce the thing through. And much ahead on the deck against which the tides are crashing, there is a man looking over to the sea. The man has a large scar on his temple and its pinkish, lighter skin different from his darker tan, and his brown eyes are lost in the waves’ movement. The waves go back and forth, back and forth. Crashing against the deck. Crashing. Spraying. Exploding. Like that explosion back in…

He shakes his head. No. Remembering never did him any good.

He thinks about maybe shooting a little on the target. He misses the action, misses shooting. Then he thinks about maybe watching one of those holo-vids for the billionth time. The mere thought makes him scrunch his nose in annoyance. He can always play a holotable game. He snickers, remembering back in the day when he was just a kid and he’d be awake late at night playing with…

No, please. I don’t wanna think about him. Not today.

The man is dressed in plain black clothes, but there is a piece of what looks like a white armor on his right arm. The armor is dented, scratched and clearly has been through a lot in its lifetime. Something that he hasn’t seen in years happens: the light on the blue panel close to his wrist lights up, and a sound like static comes through it.

The man jumps upright, and he who seemed like an farmer who’d never left his fuit trees’ side in his life suddenly has the posture of a soldier. He clears his throat as his eyes examine the comlink, and he whispers tentatively:

“Sir?...”

There is silence. Not a single word, not a single sound but static. The man knits his brows, poking the comlink. Damn old thing must be picking up interference. Of course they wouldn’t call him. There’s no reason they would. The man runs his hands through his black hair, which has grown long and untamed as his goatee that now is a full beard like one of the Generals he’d served under. He has tried tying his hair up in a bun but then he saw himself in the bathroom mirror he almost screamed at the resemblance he’d share with his younger brother. That day, he’d punched the mirror until his knuckles were bloody and the glass was ground to bits. He hates mirrors now.

The man had a name before, when his brothers were still alive and his life seemed to have meaning, to have purpose. He was part of something big, something meaningful. He had a family, countless brothers who shared his face and his genetic code.

Before all this, the man’s name was Fives. And whatever this story turns out to be, it feels like an epilogue of a badly-written story.

Another man walks out of the house up to Fives. He had the same face and wore the same black clothes, the same arm guard only on his right arm just like him. His face was scarred like Fives’, but not on his temple - lighter spots dusted over his face like freckles on a large V-shape, as if deliberate laser shots had been used to erase what before had been a tattoo. The man had been the first clone to ever come to live in this planet, in this house. He tugged on the cuffs of his shirt to then walk to Fives’ side, looking at the crashing waves.

“Made some bread.” he said “Milk’s almost gone, we gotta milk the bantha.”

Fives hummed in response, and he kept watching the waves. Fives had been living together with him in hiding for the past six months, and the other man had been living there a year prior to that, and yet, they didn’t talk much. It was hard getting the Fives to talk. He’d most unexpectedly turn aggressive, never physically violent but he would scream and curse, he would slam doors, he would empty his blaster on the target outside and sometimes he would just scream at the ocean as if he cursed it.

“Will do. Can I ask you a question…” he drew in a breath, turning to the other man “…Dogma?”

Dogma nodded. He was averse to talking too. In fact, his voice would be raspy whenever Fives would hear it. Dogma would spend most of his days playing his bes'bev and baking – he used to be terrible at first, but grew very good at cooking. Unlike Fives, he kept his crew cut and shaved on a regular basis. He needed the order, needed to look proper. He’d lost so much but if he lost the appearance of a soldier, he felt like he might lose his mind too.

Not that he haven’t already, but still.

“What is it?” there it was, his voice raspy as usual

“I think my comlink rang.”

Dogma nodded sharply.

“Mine did too. Coincidence?”

“Hardly.” Fives frowned “He must be trying to reach us.”

“But why would he?”

“No idea. He said he’d never come back. Ordered us to lay low. I have no idea why he’d risk talking to us.”

“Maybe… Maybe things were cleared out.” Dogma said, his eyes slowly moving from one side to the other “Maybe we can go back.”

Fives tried to let out a laugh but it came out as a snarl.

“Go back? Not gonna happen. Look what they did to us.”

Fives turned his back on Dogma, and Dogma says:

“I got the radio to work. We can get some transmissions from the local outpost, stay sharp, keep an eye out for any progresses on…”

“We are not listening to shinies talking about whatever boring shit they do on this wasteland.” Fives snapped over his shoulder “We are not getting involved. It’s over, Dogma, we are no longer troopers. Get over it. I did.”

Fives ran his hand over his chest. He could still feel the uneven spot on his sternum where the blaster shot had hit his reinforced plate under the armor. As a last minute resource back at the 99, Kix had given him the untested armored clothing designed by Kix himself, for him to wear under the uniform. It was the only thing that saved his life. Once after Rex got Fox and his men to leave, and asked General Skywalker for time with his fallen brother, he talked in hushed whispers to the soldier who pretended to be dead. As Kix got in the scene, he pulled his best grieving face as he placed Fives on a stretcher carried by droids and he looked at Rex in a silent begging: help me out.

And Rex did. Kix made the “autopsy” on another dead brothers whose temple he’d quickly inked with a number five tattoo, as he’d later scrap off the superficial flesh of Fives’ forehead on the same spot, disfiguring his tattoo. And just like they had done a year prior to that with Dogma, Fives was registered as dead. Details of his file showed him as a victim of the virus-induced paranoia that had killed Tup, shot dead by a trooper trying to protect the Republic. His chest had been badly injured by the close range blaster shot nonetheless, and he would have breathing issues for the rest of his life.

Still, he was alive. That was more than Hardcase, Tup or Echo had ever gotten.

Fives got back into the house and dropped sitting on the couch with a long sigh. Dogma followed him, leaning against the doorframe, his features darkened with the contrast of the sun that poured in from behind him.

“Are you alright?”

“Am I ever?” Fives asked angrily as he rubbed his chest still

“You can’t just accept to be forever stranded in this hellhole, sir.”

“Will you cut out the kriffing “sir” shit already?” Fives’ voice was louder now, angrier still “We are not soldiers anymore, Dogma, we are just two men trying not to die anytime soon even if life sucks, even if every day looks exactly like the one before, even if we should be dead but aren’t, even if everyone we ever cared about-- Shit…”

Fives ran his hand over his face. Dogma just pushed all his fucking buttons, the whole posture gist, the whole protocol crap. He didn’t need any of this shit. He didn’t want it. Dogma stared at him in silence for a full minute before walking inside, picking up his bes'bev and sinking down on the opposite chair, hitting a few notes of the Vode An melody at it. Fives frowned to then abruptly get up and storm out to the backyard once again, slamming the door on his way out. Fuck Dogma. Fuck Dogma and his stupid bes'bev and his stupid formal addressing and his stupid face, Fives’ own goddamned face as well.

He picked up the blaster hanging off a nail on the wall and walked away from the target, taking his aim. He drew in a breath, and his chest felt tight. It hurt. He gritted his teeth, imagining the Rishi Eel that had killed Cutup and he pulled the trigger. Dead on center. He tought of the clanker that had killed Droidbait. Dead on center again. He thought of the clanker in the tank, the one who’d exploded Echo in front of him and he screamed between his clenched teeth, shotting it dead on center again. He kept shooting, and he kept thinking, and he kept screaming. Hardcase. Waxer. All the men killed in Umbara because of Krell. Tup. The ammo was long over but he kept pulling the trigger, the empty clicks echoing in his ears louder than the blaster shots. He dropped the weapon, running his hands over his head and the tightening in his chest seemed to only worsen.

Shit. Shit. Fuck.

“Jareor jetiise!” he snarled, turning to face the ocean where the sunlight glimmerd over the waters “kaminii haar'chak! Shabiir alor!” he spat on the ground “Fuck, fuck! I’m a fucking idiot!”

His breathing was shallow now, ragged in his dry rage. He heard the door creaking open followed by Dogma’s footsteps approaching and fuck no, he was not in the mood to deal with his accepting crap.

“Cursing the Jedi, the Kaminoans and the Chancellor is a good change of pace, but you’re still cursing yourself.”

Fives did not look over his shoulder, but Dogma’s voice was close enough for him to know the brother was right behind him.

“I do not want your self-help crap, Dogma, now will you shut your kriffing mouth for once?!”

“It was not your fault, Fives.”

“I’m telling you to shut up.” Fives’ voice is controlled but has a warning to it

“You need to stop blaming yourself.”

“You are always so quiet, and then there are these days in which you just won’t shut up, will you?”

“Just talk to me. Maybe I can help. Maybe… Maybe you can help me.”

Fives balled his hands into fists.

“This is your last kriffing warning—”

Dogma reached for his shoulder.

“You never told me what really happened to Tup.”

Krack! Fives spun around so fast Dogma couldn’t avoid the solid punch to his jaw, staggering back with a grunt. Fives grabbed Dogma by the front of his blacks, his face twisted in raw anger very close to his.

“Listen to me. Kriffing listen to me.” he repeated as he’d shake Dogma by his collar “We are outcasts, deserters, legally dead. Life is hell as it is, and so help me the stars, it’s not like I don’t think about jumping down to the rocks every single day, but you don’t have to make it even worse. Stay in your lane, Dogma. Just stay in your lane. Play your flute, do your meditation, make your goddamn breads and cakes but leave me the hell alone.”

Before Dogma could answer, the comlink on his wrist beeped, and a voice came through it:

“Doubt, do you copy?”

Rex. He was calling Dogma’s codename. The only time this happened before was when he announced Fives’ arrival to their hiding spot. Fives let go off Dogma, and he hurryingly pressed the button on his arm piece.

“This is Doubt here.”

A sigh came from the other side.

“I’ve been worried when I tried to reach you earlier and failed, may have had some interference. Is Nine there with you?”

That was Fives’ codename, based on his former numeral name and his deceased sergeant from the Rishi Outpost. Dogma eyed Fives for a second before nodding.

“He’s here, sir.”

“Good.” said Rex “Stay put. I’m on my way there. And, Doubt… tell Nine I’m bringing a friend to see him.”

The transmission was cut, and Dogma looked at Fives still.

“Which ‘friend’ would that be?”

Fives shrugged, lowering his gaze.

“No idea. It’s not like there were many of them still alive.” he scratched the back of his head, exhaling sharply “Kriff. Hey, Dogma, I’m…”

“You’re sorry, I know.” Dogma sighs, turning back to the house “I was out of my place. I’m sorry too, I just… Just wanted to do something for you like you’ve been doing for me so often.”

Dogma had recurring nightmares every other night. Tup used to have them too, would wake up in a cold sweat saying he’d seen himself doing horrible things. Fives had researched – something he’d learn from Echo – through datapads and even asking the Jedi about techniques to keep bad dreams at bay. Even commander Tano, bless her, had gotten him a book on anxiety taken straight from the Jedi library. Thanks to that, he knew a lot of breathing exercises, several techniques to cleanse one’s thoughts and, as General Skywalker had taught him, soothing mantras to steer one’s mind towards a peaceful sleep. These had been specially useful to Dogma as they’d lay in their beds to sleep and he’d writhe and whimper and cry in his sleep and wake up terriefied; Fives would calmly say “your intrusive thoughts are not who you are. Your mind is playing tricks on you. Take hold of reality. You are not what you dream. Breathe.”

Fives shrugged, feeling even more embarrassed now as they walked inside, waiting for their former captain to arrive.

“Maybe I’m beyond help, brother. Just leave it as it is.”

Like my writing/art/stuff? Consider buying me a coffee

#arc trooper fives #arc trooper echo #clone trooper dogma #captain rex #clone bois #my fics #i PROMISE this one will be just bittersweet and will have a happy ending #i really really promise #tcw #the time passed in exile

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rei-the-rat · 8 years ago

Text

Saxophone

Thank you @shishiswordsman for looking this over for me~

read on ao3

Law was, for lack of a better description, kicked out of the hospital. Well, in reality he was told he was working too much again, and that he ought to get the hell out, courtesy of senior doctor Kureha. But it felt like he’d just been kicked out.

He stretched on the way to his car, contemplating what to do with himself. Usually, Penguin and Shachi would drag him off to a bar if they got out early. But his friends were out of town on personal business. So he had the freedom to do as he pleased with his days off. A smile found its way to his face, and he quickened his pace to his car.

His boyfriend would be ecstatic to know he had some time off. It was on short notice, but he doubted Luffy would mind. Once inside his car, Law pulled out his phone. The date and time flashed on the screen with a bright light, illuminating the darkness in his car and momentarily blinding Law. When the glare lessened, Law looked back at his phone and frowned a bit. He had forgotten what day it was, so maybe Kuroha had a point; maybe he had been working too much. A Friday night meant Luffy was at work.

Luffy was a musician who played at a lounge downtown. Once a month he also played at a rather ritzy hotel and occasionally he would volunteer to help out with school musical productions. But Tuesday through Friday he played with his friends at the East Blue jazz lounge.

Law smiled at the thought of Luffy playing his saxophone and then halted as a realization derailed him. He had no idea what a saxophone sounded like.

He was sure he had heard one somewhere before, but he couldn’t pull up a tune or song to place to the instrument. Was he even thinking of the right instrument? What did a saxophone look like again? What did Luffy look like while playing it? Did he stand? Read sheet music? Could he play with his eyes close?

Too many questions with no answers, and Law felt guilty for not knowing. He had been dating Luffy for over a year and not once had he ever heard Luffy practice or asked him to play. Music was important to Luffy just as the medical practice was to him.

Law growled under his breath as he started his car. At least it was an issue easily remedied. He still felt awful about it, but he would apologize to Luffy and make it up to him.

It was a little after ten when Law pulled into the parking lot of the lounge. He grabbed his bag from the back seat before heading inside. The atmosphere of the lounge was calm and quiet. Law could hear the soft murmur of others as he walked through the foyer to the hostess’ podium.

The young woman greeted him with a smile. “Just one? And will you be needing a menu tonight?”

“Ah, yes. And maybe just a drink. I came to listen.”

“That’s fine. We get a lot of college kids this time of year.”

Law almost corrected her but decided to just leave it. Did he really look like a student? With the messenger bag, he suppose he could pass as one. He chuckled to himself at the thought.

She led him across the the dining area and pass the bar on the far wall, only stopping to grab a small menu from the counter. The booths in the lounge were each embraced by large curtains hanging from the ceiling. They could be pulled closer to block out more sound or pushed back almost completely. It gave the customers a secure sense of privacy. The hostess brought him to one of the smaller booths and took a moment to adjust the curtains as he caught up.

“Is this ok?” She asked.

“Yes, thank you.” Law slid into the seat and looked across the room to the empty stage and cleared floor in front of it. Tables were sparsely placed throughout the center of the room, but a designated area had been left for what Law assumed was a dance floor. Judging by the number of people, the lounge was actually busier than Law had assumed based on noise. Some were in booths like him, with dates or laptops and notes spread across the table; there were a few patrons at the bar, but most were at the tables, chatting and laughing.

“The band will be back in a moment.” The hostess reassured him when she saw his gaze linger on quiet stage. “Something went weird with the wires for the speakers.” She placed the drinks menu on the table along with a small piece of paper. “That’s the wi-fi password if you need it. Will you be ordering anything from the bar?”

“What’s the house scotch?” Law asked as he pulled out his ID.

“Alabasta Kings.”

“A scotch on the rocks then.” He waited until she left before getting his laptop out of his bag and setting it up. His email was loading when he heard the room quiet just a bit and the lights changed.

“Ok, sorry about that guys,” Law recognized Nami’s voice as she apologized for the delay. He glanced over to see her in a shimmering dress on stage while Sanji and Brook were setting up to start playing again. “But Usopp fixed the problem so we’re good for the rest of the night.” She stepped off to the side so Sanji could take the mic.

Law turned back to his laptop so he could start sorting through his messages and work a bit on reports that were due at the hospital. The first notes were played on the piano before Sanji began singing softly in time with the bass that sped up the rhythm of the song. Law paused before he began composing a reply email and looked back to the stage. Despite the slow start, the beat was quick and catchy. Several couples had gotten up to dance, and Law smiled as he watched an older couple move across the dance floor with ease like they were teens again.

A unique sound, something deeper but more quirky than the others, kicked off the chorus of the song. Law’s gaze flicked up to the straw hat and then settled on the man wearing it. He had seen Luffy in suits before, simple dress shirts with a jacket and slacks. It’s what he wore when he performed, but this was a little different.

With the dark room and light shining on the stage, his hat tipped just enough to cast a shadow over his eyes, the sleeves of his jacket rolled up his forearms…

Law watched, mesmerized by the sight. Luffy moved with the music, swaying back and forth or stepping to the beat; he played with his eyes closed and a small smile at the edge of his lips. He looked classy, like he was made for the music and his instrument was an extension of himself.

The hostess bringing his drink back forced him to look away. “You should have said you were with the band.” Before he could reply that he wasn’t, she handed over a note. “From Miss Nami. And don’t worry, your drinks are on the house.”

Law sighed as she left. He read the note quickly, a small message from Nami about how he should’ve called ahead if he was going to stop by and she’d come by to sit with him later, and returned his attention to his lover on stage. “Can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this…”

The lounge was winding down with only an hour before close. It was one in the morning, and the band had finished their last song. Law had shared a few drinks with Nami before she had to head backstage again. He’d spent the evening listening specifically to Luffy, what notes the saxophone made, which parts did he play alone, and now he closed his eyes with his head leaned back, filing all the memories away until next time.

The booth’s cushioned seat dipped beside him and a warm hand slid across his shoulders. “Hey handsome. Come here often?”

“No, but I should really fix that.” Law chuckled. He opened an eye at Luffy and pulled him closer. “You sounded good up there.”

Luffy grinned. “Thanks. I didn’t know you were getting off early.”

“Neither did I…” Law sighed. “Are you all done?”

Luffy gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Yeah, let me grab my sax, and I’ll meet you in the foyer.”

Law didn’t truly feel his exhaustion until his back hit the bed. “Ok… maybe it’s a good thing I have the next four days off.” He heard Luffy laugh. Law threw an arm over his eyes to block out the light. It was turned off a moment later, but he didn’t remove his arm. “Come here, I need to tell you something.”

He felt Luffy crawl over him, naked except for his boxers. “What’s up?” He pulled the unfastened belt from Law’s pants and began unbuttoning his shirt.

“I’m sorry.”

Luffy paused. “Why?” He picked up Law’s arm so he could look at him.

Law blinked at the darkness. “For never asking you to play, and I don’t know… not caring as much as I should about your music. I-” He stopped with a hitched breath because something wet was licking up his stomach. Luffy’s tongue, he gathered after a kiss was placed where his chest tattoo ended.

“You care.” Luffy said. He kissed his way up Law’s chest. “You always ask how the performance was when I play at the hotel and you remind me to practice.”

Law clicked his tongue. “That’s why I never heard you play before tonight.” He could see Luffy better now, the shine of light in his eyes as he looked at Law.

“Hm, I guess I don’t really play around you often.”

“Never.” Law corrected.

“That’s not true. We met because you heard me playing.” Luffy resumed his trail of kisses.

“What? No, we met at that antique store downtown…”

“Cricket also knows how to fix instruments. Remember, you asked us to keep the squeaking down.” Luffy was talking against his neck now.

“That squeaking…”

“Was my saxophone.” Luffy confirmed.

Law snorted. “How…? Thank goodness it didn’t sound like that tonight.”

“I know.” Luffy sighed with a small laugh.

It was silent for a moment before Law spoke again. “You looked good playing on stage.” He could feel Luffy’s grin as he sucked softly at his neck. “I kinda want to have sex right now, but I’m too exhausted.”

Luffy buried his face against Law’s shoulder in a vain attempt to muffle his laughter. Law pinched his side. “Don’t laugh at my pain.”

“Mmm, poor thing.” Luffy settled into giggling. He scooted back a bit so he could pull Law up in a sitting position. “It’s ok. We have tomorrow and the day after that. Let me take care of you.” He tugged off the last of Law’s clothes until he was in a similar state of undress.

Despite how tired Law was, sleep didn’t come quickly. He laid wrapped in Luffy’s embrace while the younger tapped out a rhythm against his arm. “What are you playing?”

“Hm?”

Law rested a hand over one of Luffy’s. “This. I used to think you were just drumming your fingers but…” He paused and ran his thumb against Luffy’s knuckles. “It’s always the same, and it’s patterned, not random. Are you playing something?”

“You noticed? You’re smart.”

‘After a year of dating you…’ Law thought bitterly. It was going to take him a while to get over the guilt and feeling like a bad boyfriend.

“Don’t laugh?” Luffy sounded almost embarrassed.

“Promise. What song is it?”

“Careless Whisper.”

Law sighed and scratched his nose. “Luffy?”

“You don’t know that song?”

“Yeah…”

As soon as Law said it, Luffy was up and rummaging for something in the corner of the room. Law considered flipping on the lamp beside the bed. He didn’t really want to move that much though, so he waited. The first note of from the sax startled him a bit, the bedroom was small and it bounced off the walls.

‘Guess this is the song,’ Law listened to it, and it did sound familiar. But he had never heard the whole song or had a name to place to it. The melody Luffy was playing seemed excessively sexy, which was a weird thing to think about a piece of music. Law was smiling regardless when Luffy stopped.

“Nice song.”

“Eh… it is, I guess.” Luffy rejoined him on the bed.

“You guess?”

“The music is, but the lyrics aren’t my favorite.”

“What’s it about?” Law reached out for Luffy’s hand.

“Regret… because the singer cheated on his lover. That’s what it sounds like to me, anyway. It’s kind of a sad song, but everyone always calls it a love song.”

“Broken love is still love.” Law squeezed Luffy’s hand.

“It’s dumb. He shouldn’t have done that.” Luffy laid next to Law. “But I like playing it, just the sax part.”

“Maybe you should rewrite the lyrics?”

“Maybe…” Luffy opened his arms so Law could lay against his shoulders.

“Rewrite them for us.” Law mumbled sleepily. “Something to match your sax…”

Luffy smiled down at him, his breathing slowing into long peaceful beats. The warmth of sleep and his lover pulled at him, and as his eyes closed, his fingers tapped out the notes of a love song.

#way late #but life #10 Days of LawLu 2k17 #S is for...#Saxophone #jazz!Luffy #LawLu #LuLaw #Trafalgar Law #Monkey D. Luffy #10 Days of LawLu

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jessicakehoe · 5 years ago

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These Celebs Are Destigmatizing Mental Illness

Many campaigns have worked to normalize the discussion around mental health (Bell’s Let’s Talk and CAMH’s One Brave Night among them). But one thing that really reaches the masses is when a celebrity speaks out about his or her struggle to spread the message that it’s OK to have mental illness; it doesn’t make you weak.

Anyone who has ever suffered from depression or anxiety—whether temporary or chronic—knows the feeling of wanting to crawl into bed and stay there until things seem OK again. And somehow when these celebrities who seem to have it all come out and say that they actually don’t have their shit together, it is encouraging to us. By focusing on their health, it normalizes the conversation and gives us the courage to take care of ourselves (and be vocal about it).

Below, see the celebrities who are helping to fight the stigma against mental health by being open about their own struggles. Want to learn more about mental illness? Here are 5 myths about anxiety and depression, and information about different types of treatment.

Selena Gomez

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I have a lot to be thankful for this year.. My year has been the hardest yet most rewarding one yet. I've finally fought the fight of not 'being enough'. I have only wanted to reflect the love you guys have given me for years and show how important it is to take care of YOU. By grace through faith. Kindness always wins. I love you guys. God bless

A post shared by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on Nov 24, 2016 at 6:21pm PST

In August 2016, Selena Gomez announced that she would be taking a break from her career to deal with anxiety, depression and panic attacks associated with lupus (an autoimmune condition from which she suffers). She made a return to the spotlight in November that year at the American Music Awards, where she delivered an emotional, heartfelt speech, briefly touching on her battle with mental health issues.

“I had to stop because I had everything and I was absolutely broken inside. I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down but I kept it too much together to where I let myself down,” she said. “If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.”

The songstress also opened up about her issues with mental health in the April 2017 issue of Vogue (which she covered). “Tours are a really lonely place for me,” she told the magazine. “My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable. I felt I wasn’t giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion.”

She revealed she spent 90 days in a mental health facility in Tennessee, surrendering her cell phone and taking part in various forms of therapy. And while Gomez is the second most-followed person on Instagram, she told Vogue she no longer had it on her phone, and an assistant had her password.

“It felt like I was seeing things I didn’t want to see, like it was putting things in my head that I didn’t want to care about,” she said. “I always end up feeling like shit when I look at Instagram. Which is why I’m kind of under the radar, ghosting it a bit.”

Camila Cabello

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#BGT here I cooooome !!!! gonna b singing #cryingintheclub woooop

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on May 30, 2017 at 5:06am PDT

Former Fifth Harmony member Camila Cabello made headlines in September 2016 after she left the stage early during a performance under the guise of a wardrobe malfunction. She later revealed, on Snapchat, that the cause was excessive anxiety, even tweeting, “just wanna sleep for 3 days.”

Cabello had already been open about her struggles with anxiety prior to the incident, however, telling Billboard that 2015 was a “low” for her, personally.

“I was having terrible anxiety, nonstop. My heart would beat really fast the whole day. Two hours after I woke up, I’d need a nap because my body was so hyperactive,” she recalled. “I was scared of what would happen to me, of the things my brain might tell me. I realized the stuff I thought was important isn’t worth my health. Now I write in a diary every day, work out and meditate.”

In March 2017, the Cuban-born star revealed to Latina magazine that she also deals with obsessive compulsive disorder. “It was just totally out of control,” Cabello told the magazine of her OCD. “I would wake up with a super-accelerated heartbeat and really negative, intrusive, compulsive thoughts. I was so inside my head, and I didn’t know what was happening.”

She continued, “I totally understand now, being in it, why there shouldn’t be such a stigma on mental illness, because it’s a pretty common thing for people. But you can get help. If you’re dedicated to making it better, you can—because I’m in a much better place now. I started reading books about it and it really helped a lot when I understood [the illness], and that [the thoughts I was having] weren’t real. Sometimes you have to remind yourself to slow down and take care of yourself.”

Zayn Malik

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A post shared by Zayn Malik (@zayn) on Aug 14, 2018 at 10:01pm PDT

In June 2016, former One Direction member Zayn Malik cancelled a U.K. concert due to anxiety. He made the announcement on Instagram, writing, “Unfortunately, my anxiety that has haunted me throughout the last few months has gotten the better of me. With the magnitude of the live event, I have suffered the worst anxiety of my career.”

Later that year, Malik revealed in his memoir, Pillow Talk, that panic attacks have stopped him from performing on more than one occasion. “I just couldn’t go through with it,” he wrote. “Mentally, the anxiety had won. Physically, I knew I couldn’t function. I would have to pull out.”

And while a member of his team offered to say he was sick, Malik insisted on being open about his struggle. “I was done with putting out statements that masked what was really going on. I wanted to tell the truth. Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of; it affects millions of people every day,” he explained. “I don’t want to say I’m sick. I want to tell people what’s going on, and I’m not gonna be ashamed of what’s happening.”

Cara Delevingne

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Had the most incredible time at @finolhu_maldives this holiday. Thank you @gentlemonster for hooking me up with the shades 🕶 📸 by @james_suckling

A post shared by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on Jan 10, 2019 at 12:26am PST

In 2016, Cara Delevingne took to Twitter to reveal she took a break from modelling due to depression. “I suffer from depression and was a model during a particularly rough patch of self hatred,” she explained. Later that year, she told Esquire she had been struggling with mental illness since she was a teen, more specifically, after she discovered her mother’s drug addiction.

“I was suicidal. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die,” she told the magazine, adding a six-month break from school and medication might have helped save her life at 16.

However, Cara stopped the meds at age 18, saying “I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather then be dependant on meds, ever.”

Adele

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Auckland / Mt Smart Stadium / Mar 25

A post shared by Adele (@adele) on Mar 25, 2017 at 9:41pm PDT

Despite being a 15-time Grammy winner, Adele still experiences stage fright. In March 2017, she admitted to her New Zealand concertgoers that she may never tour again, due to the ongoing issue. “Touring isn’t something I’m good at–applause makes me feel a bit vulnerable. I don’t know if I will ever tour again,” she told the audience. “I get so nervous with live performances that I’m too frightened to try anything new. It’s actually getting worse. Or it’s just not getting better, so I feel like it’s getting worse, because it should’ve gotten better by now.”

Lady Gaga

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I felt like a princess in custom @tiffanyandco made just for me for the #GoldenGlobes 🤗 The Aurora necklace was named after the Aurora Borealis as an homage to #AStarIsBorn 🌟 #TiffanyAndCo

A post shared by Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) on Jan 8, 2019 at 10:29am PST

In 2016, Lady Gaga revealed she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after she was raped at age 19. “I suffer from PTSD, I’ve never told anyone that before,” she said on the Today show in December 2016. “But the kindness that’s been shown to me, by doctors as well as family and friends, has really saved my life.”

More recently, Gaga opened up about her mental health struggles in a conversation with Prince William, as part of the royal’s Heads Together #oktosay series, which aims to end the stigma with the help of celebrities.

“For me, waking up every day and feeling sad and going on stage is something that is very hard to describe. There’s a lot of shame attached to mental illness. You feel like something’s wrong with you,” she told the Duke of Cambridge via FaceTime. “In my life, I go, ‘Oh my goodness, look at all these beautiful, wonderful things that I have. I should be so happy,’ but you can’t help it if, in the morning when you wake up, you are so tired, you are so sad, you are so full of anxiety and the shakes that you can barely think.”

But despite her hardships, the A Star is Born actress told William “the best thing that could come out of my mental illness was to share it with other people.”

“I feel like we are not hiding anymore, we’re starting to talk, and that’s what we need to do really,” she said.

Demi Lovato

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A post shared by Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) on May 9, 2017 at 2:42pm PDT

Demi Lovato is one of the most vocal mental health awareness advocates in the biz. The former Disney star, who has battled drug and alcohol addictions, bipolar disorder, self-harm and an eating disorder for years underwent rehab in 2010 and in 2013. Now, Lovato is much healthier and is committed to ending the stigma against mental illness. In 2015, she launched the Be Vocal campaign as a way to encourage individuals struggling with mental illness to talk about what they’re going through.

“I think the more people vocalize what they’re going through—their experience or just simply educating themselves so that they can learn more about what they’re talking about—that’s going to be the key to creating a conversation about mental illness and making it more understood,” she told HuffPost. “There’s a lack of compassion for people who have mental illnesses and there’s a lot of judgment. Once you make people realize that mental illness can happen to anybody—and it’s not anybody’s fault—then I think they’ll become more understanding of what mental illness really is.”

Jennifer Lawrence

Photography by Steve Granitz/WireImage

Jennifer Lawrence opened up about her struggle with anxiety in 2013, telling Madame Figaro that she began experiencing symptoms as a preteen. “When my mother told me about my childhood, she always told me that there was like a light in me, a spark that inspired me constantly,” Lawrence told the magazine. “When I started school, the light went out. It was never known what it was, a kind of social anxiety.”

She eventually went to seek help from a therapist and turned to acting as a form of self-therapy. She also revealed to the New York Times that she manages her anxiety with the use of prescription meds.

Emma Stone

Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage

Oscar winner Emma Stone told Rolling Stone in 2016 that she experienced bouts of anxiety and panic attacks as a child. “My anxiety was constant,” she said. “I would ask my mom a hundred times how the day was gonna lay out. What time was she gonna drop me off? Where was she gonna be? What would happen at lunch? Feeling nauseous. At a certain point, I couldn’t go to friends’ houses anymore–I could barely get out the door to school.”

She did reveal, however, that therapy and acting, specifically improv and sketch comedy, is what helped her work through it. “You have to be present in improv, and that’s the antithesis of anxiety,” she explained.

Chrissy Teigen

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My stoop buddy

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Apr 29, 2017 at 6:47pm PDT

Chrissy Teigen is never one to hold back, but she shocked fans when she penned an essay for Glamour in 2017 on her struggle with postpartum depression. “I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom,'” she wrote, later adding “postpartum does not discriminate.”

Months later, Teigen finally saw her family doctor, where she got her diagnosis. She began taking antidepressants. “I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone. I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that—for me—just merely being open about it helps.”

Troian Bellisario

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Thanks @coveteur I truly am a creepy eavesdropper. 😉 (📸 by @weston.wells )

A post shared by Troian Bellisario (@sleepinthegardn) on May 10, 2017 at 6:53am PDT

In November 2016, Pretty Little Liars star Troian Bellisario revealed via a voting PSA that she struggled with an eating disorder when she was younger. She said it was early detection and mental healthcare that saved her. “If I had just been shunned to the side as not having ‘real problems’, I don’t know that I would be living today,” she explained. “I just want to make sure that everybody has the same opportunity for treatment that I have, and I think that we have to make sure that our government invests in those programs.”

Troian shared her story on her struggles with anorexia in her film Feed, which she wrote and directed. “It was not easy; it was like engaging with an addiction,” she told Interview magazine of revisiting her story, adding that working on the film was “like poking a sleeping dragon.” “One of the things I really wanted the film to explore was that once you have this relationship, once you have this mental illness or this disease, it never really goes away.”

And just like many others who suffer from mental illness, Bellisario said she feels like no one truly understands what she went through. “Still to this day, I couldn’t get anyone—even the people who loved me the most, even my boyfriend or my mother or my father—to understand what that experience was truly like for me,” she said. “It was about my eating disorder, and I found there were so many people who thought that it was about losing weight or being skinny, and I couldn’t quite get them to understand that it was about control on a very, very literal level.”

Gina Rodriguez

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One year after the devastation of Hurricane Maria, there is still work to be done. Thank you @ricky_martin for giving us all an opportunity to continue to contribute to the reconstruction of our beautiful island of Puerto Rico. #allin4pr #miislabonita ❤️🙌🏽 link in bio 🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷

A post shared by Gina Rodriguez-LoCicero (@hereisgina) on Oct 26, 2018 at 4:12pm PDT

Jane the Virgin star Gina Rodriguez got candid about her struggle with anxiety in a moving Instagram post. “I suffer from anxiety,” she captioned the video, which sees her makeup-free in a New York Yankees cap. “And watching this clip I could see how anxious I was but I empathize with myself. I wanted to protect her and tell her it’s ok to be anxious, there is nothing different or strange about having anxiety and I will prevail.”

Shawn Mendes

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Je t’aime France ! 🇫🇷 x

A post shared by Shawn Mendes (@shawnmendes) on Nov 10, 2018 at 2:31pm PST

It may be hard to believe that Canada’s very own heartthrob has had his fair share of anxious episodes, but he has. In April 2018, the singer-songwriter told The Sun in an interview that he had seen a therapist a few times. “I found I was closing myself off from everybody, thinking that would help me battle [my anxiety], then realizing the only way I was going to battle it was completely opening up and letting people in,” Mendes said.

Said anxiety was chronicled in his single “In My Blood” (Lyrics: Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in, sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough, someone help me.)

“All pain is temporary, and the thing is with anxiety, and why it’s such a hard thing for people who don’t have it to understand, is that it is very random and it hits you at moments you don’t expect it. Sometimes it lasts two hours, sometimes it lasts a day and sometimes it lasts five minutes,” he said.

Sarah Hyland

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Velvet dragon scaled 🧜‍♀️ dripping in 💎 for the #goldenglobes @instylemagazine #instylewbglobes

A post shared by Sarah Hyland (@sarahhyland) on Jan 8, 2019 at 9:29am PST

Back in December 2018, Sarah Hyland opened up about experiencing suicidal thoughts after her body rejected a kidney donated by her dad. The Modern Family star, who has had a slew of health problems her whole life, appeared on Ellen in early January 2019 and spoke about her depression.

“After 26, 27 years of just always being sick and being in chronic pain every single day—and [you] don’t know when you’re going to have the next good day—it’s really, really hard…” she said.

“I would write letters in my head to loved ones of why I did it, and my reasoning behind it, and how it wasn’t anybody’s fault,” the 28-year-old revealed, adding that she was “very, very, very close,” to taking her own life.

When asked how she overcame her suicidal thoughts and depression, Hyland said that she confided in a close friend (“I finally said it out loud to someone… just saying it out loud helped immensely, because I kept it to myself for months and months at a time.”) who urged her to see a therapist.

Ariana Grande

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A post shared by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on Mar 30, 2019 at 9:57am PDT

In British Vogue’s July 2018 issue, Ariana Grande opened up on her experience with PTSD after the 2017 Manchester Arena bombing. “It’s hard to talk about because so many people have suffered such severe tremendous loss. But, yeah, it’s a real thing,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll ever know how to talk about it and not cry.”

In November 2018, the singer/songwriter dropped a single titled “thank u, next,” dedicated to all of her exes, including the late-Mac Miller (who died this past September of a drug overdose) and ex-fiancé Pete Davidson, which resulted in fans wondering who her therapist is. “Therapy has saved my life so many times,” Grande tweeted in response. “If you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be.”

photography via instagram/@arianagrande

In an Instagram story posted on April 11, Grande shared a side-by-side image of a healthy brain and a brain affected by PTSD. She also included an image of what is allegedly her brain, which appears to show incredibly high levels of PTSD. “Not a joke,” she captioned the story. In a follow-up story, Grande posted a selfie containing the captions “life is wild,” “she’s trying her muthafukin best,” and “my brain is tired.”

Prince Harry

The Duke of Sussex has spoken out extensively about his own mental health journey, and the trauma he suffered as a result of losing his mother, Princess Diana, at a young age. In an interview with Bryony Gordon for her podcast about mental health, Mad World, the royal said, “I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12, and therefore shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well.”

“I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions when all sorts of grief and sort of lies and misconceptions and everything are coming to you from every angle,” he added.

After seeking out counselling and learning to open up about his struggles with friends and family, the royal co-founded Heads Together, a mental health awareness campaign, with Prince William and Kate Middleton in 2016. While on a recent trip to South Africa with Meghan Markle, the royal couple met with Waves For Change, an organization promoting mental wellbeing through surf therapy, and spoke out about the need to counter the stigma against mental illness in our society.

“I think most of the stigma is around mental illness [and] we need to separate the two… mental health, which is every single one of us, and mental illness, which could be every single one of us,” he said. “I think they need to be separated; the mental health element touches on so much of what we’re exposed to, these experiences that these kids and every single one of us have been through. Everyone has experienced trauma or likely to experience trauma at some point during their lives. We need to try, not [to] eradicate it, but to learn from previous generations so there’s not a perpetual cycle.”

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Day two of #SussexRoyalTour is underway, and The Duke and Duchess have joined young South Africans and @WavesForChange to focus on mental health and take part in ‘surf therapy’. • Hundreds of young people from Cape Town’s townships meet every week at Monwabisi beach to surf, but also share stories with mentors and talk through the daily challenges they face. Their Royal Highnesses were able to hear how the sessions are building trust, confidence, and belonging, and they also got to join in as children took part in ‘power hand’, which teaches them how to keep calm down reflect on strengths. While on the beach The Duke and Duchess met @TheLunchBoxFund – which was one of the charities they nominated to benefit from donations following the birth of their son, Archie. Almost 30,000 meals are provided by the charity every day across South Africa, including for three @WavesForChange projects. And before they left The Duke and Duchess joined the Commonwealth Litter Programme (CLiP) – which was teaching the surfers about the impact of plastic waste on the ocean. #RoyalVisitSouthAfrica • Photo ©️ photos EMPICS / PA images / SussexRoyal

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on Sep 24, 2019 at 5:00am PDT

The post These Celebs Are Destigmatizing Mental Illness appeared first on FASHION Magazine.

These Celebs Are Destigmatizing Mental Illness published first on https://borboletabags.tumblr.com/

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lindyhunt · 6 years ago

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These Celebs Are De-Stigmatizing Mental Illness

Selena Gomez

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A post shared by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on Nov 24, 2016 at 6:21pm PST

Camila Cabello

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#BGT here I cooooome !!!! gonna b singing #cryingintheclub woooop

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on May 30, 2017 at 5:06am PDT

Cabello had already been open about her struggles with anxiety prior to the incident, however, telling Billboard that 2015 was a “low” for her, personally.

Zayn Malik

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Zayn Malik (@zayn) on Aug 14, 2018 at 10:01pm PDT

Cara Delevingne

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Had the most incredible time at @finolhu_maldives this holiday. Thank you @gentlemonster for hooking me up with the shades 🕶 📸 by @james_suckling

A post shared by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on Jan 10, 2019 at 12:26am PST

However, Cara stopped the meds at age 18, saying “I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather then be dependant on meds, ever.”

Adele

View this post on Instagram

Auckland / Mt Smart Stadium / Mar 25

A post shared by Adele (@adele) on Mar 25, 2017 at 9:41pm PDT

Lady Gaga

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I felt like a princess in custom @tiffanyandco made just for me for the #GoldenGlobes 🤗 The Aurora necklace was named after the Aurora Borealis as an homage to #AStarIsBorn 🌟 #TiffanyAndCo

A post shared by Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) on Jan 8, 2019 at 10:29am PST

But despite her hardships, the A Star is Born actress told William “the best thing that could come out of my mental illness was to share it with other people.”

“I feel like we are not hiding anymore, we’re starting to talk, and that’s what we need to do really,” she said.

Demi Lovato

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) on May 9, 2017 at 2:42pm PDT

Jennifer Lawrence

Photography by Steve Granitz/WireImage

Emma Stone

Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage

Chrissy Teigen

View this post on Instagram

My stoop buddy

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Apr 29, 2017 at 6:47pm PDT

Troian Bellisario

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Thanks @coveteur I truly am a creepy eavesdropper. 😉 (📸 by @weston.wells )

A post shared by Troian Bellisario (@sleepinthegardn) on May 10, 2017 at 6:53am PDT

Gina Rodriguez

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A post shared by Gina Rodriguez (@hereisgina) on Oct 26, 2018 at 4:12pm PDT

Ariana Grande

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A post shared by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on Nov 6, 2018 at 7:11pm PST

Shawn Mendes

View this post on Instagram

Je t’aime France ! 🇫🇷 x

A post shared by Shawn Mendes (@shawnmendes) on Nov 10, 2018 at 2:31pm PST

Said anxiety was chronicled in his single “In My Blood” (Lyrics: Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in, sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough, someone help me.)

Sarah Hyland

View this post on Instagram

Velvet dragon scaled 🧜‍♀️ dripping in 💎 for the #goldenglobes @instylemagazine #instylewbglobes

A post shared by Sarah Hyland (@sarahhyland) on Jan 8, 2019 at 9:29am PST

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meanwhileinoz · 7 years ago

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People On Reddit Share The Dark Secrets That Could Destroy Their Marriages

We’ve all got secrets.

Things we are afraid to tell anybody. People will judge you, especially if your secret is messed up.

That is why we have the Internet. To post our secrets anonymously, facing no criticism and getting it off our chests as well. A Reddit thread revealed people sharing their darkest secrets, which could potentially ruin their lives. Read them below:

“Years ago my gf (we’ll call deb) and I were out with her friend (we’ll call Sara). This one day Sara had to pin unlock her phone each time to take one of many pictures….out the corner of my eye I saw her pin. I saved it in a note. Months later sara and deb were at my place and went to the pool. Sara left her phone indoors. I used her password and hit jackpot. Nudes, videos, message logs with some guy she was talking (well call jeff) to, along with tons of dick picks and videos of him jacking off…

With this goldmine of pics and vids I concocted a slow plan…..very slow. Slowly I broke off with deb but kept in touch with sara. I then created a alter ego online (we’ll call it Vanessa). For months I worked this identity so it looked real. This identity started following Sara on all social media (Sara accepted any friend requests). Vanessa blackmailed jeff. Jeff was given 2 days to stop talking to sara or his dick picks got leaked. He was chicken sh*t and dropped her like a hot potato. But Sara was strong willed…when Vanessa threatened sara to stop talking to jeff or her pics get leaked she protested…so I knew I had to change tactics. Vanessa disappeared for a while until I could get Sara’s phone in my hands for a bit. One day sara was over and ‘lost’ her phone at my place. I ‘found’ it for her the next day…. Not before I installed a spy app that let me keep track of her everything. A few weeks later Vanessa came back but now armed with the conversations sara was having with everyone. While tracking Sara’s reactions and suspicions, I made it show that Vanessa wasnt real….

Now all my friends know me as being pretty tech literate. One day im talking with Sara and she breaks down crying telling me how she been long distance sexting this guy and somebody hacked his or her phone and now shes being blackmailed by some stranger she doesn’t know. So she askes me if I could help her. Long ending short I made it look like jeff was Vanessa. I made it look like he created this person so that he could blackmail Sara into f*cked up sex stuff. Sara left him and guess who was the hero? Me. I caught ‘Vanessa.’ Sara was now safe because of me. Once we blackmailed the guy, ‘Vanessa’ disappeared… You know…for realism. Sara and I now had this tragedy…this hurdle that we overcame together. We started dating not long after. She was never going back to long distance relationships and wanted to try local….4 years later were married.”

“My father never had anything other than boys, and my mother always wanted a girl. Try as they might, they just had tons of boys. When I was 6 they adopted a girl of also 6. Everyone was pleased, and she was quickly included into the family by everyone and we all took an immediate shine to her. Especially me.

We started playing ‘doctor’ at 9. This progressed to fooling around by our early teens, and into actual sex shortly thereafter. We’re both over 30 now. We have sex whenever we see each other. We also like to pretend we are twins when we do have sex. We’ve both had our shares of girlfriends and boyfriends, but we always kept it up even while in those relationships. She’s actually married now.

We still have sex about 2 times a month, more when the family gets together for holidays. I can’t even imagine the bricks that would be sh*t if anyone ever found out. It’s been close a few times, especially when we were younger, but nobody’s ever caught on.

#3 From a divorce lawyer who goes by TheLadyInReddit:

“Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious porn hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the porn is not ‘mainstream.’ I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t referencing CP, so I pushed him on it.

The guy was into goats.”

“My friend inherited a beautiful diamond engagement ring. The stone was worth $20K. His fiance was thrilled to receive it and flaunt it. Now his wife of 25 years, it’s still one of her most precious possessions.

Only I (and you 4 million) know that she does not own the original diamond. My friend sold the stone for $15K and an equal sized, substitute diamond on the day he picked it up from being sized to fit her…

The value of the ring was learned at appraisal, and was actually appraised a bit higher. The $20K was the number he knew he could get from a wholesaler in the district. It is still insured for the higher amount. The stone that was substituted is a diamond – and I couldn’t tell the difference. The money was mostly used to clear debts.”

“I’m an atheist. I’m also a deacon in an evangelical church. I’m not exactly proud of it but I try do my part to convince people to live like Jesus because even if he wasn’t god, he certainly had some good ideas about loving other people.

The problem for me is my family. I’m married with a one kid and another on the way. I believe that such a revelation would be devastating for my wife. I’ve tried to tell her in subtle ways but I can’t bring myself to just come out and say the truth. I love my wife and I don’t wish to harm her emotionally in that way.”

“I am a gay man married to a woman who has no idea I am gay.

How is my life? It’s great. It’s pleasant. I have two beautiful children who I love more than anything. I have a successful job and a lovely home. My wife is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. So that is my life.

Myself, however, the way I feel inside is not so good. I feel disgusted with who I am. Growing up in a Catholic household had me living in fear of being banished by my family for revealing my sexuality. That’s not something I’m afraid will happen, that is something that is a well known fact in my family. I would love more than anything to be honest to everyone. I am a coward though…

As ridiculous as it sounds I thought that getting married and settling down etc would make these feelings I had about being gay go away. Before meeting her I was constantly struggling with the fact that I might be gay. My upbringing made me believe that being gay was wrong and so I always tried to convince myself that that’s not who I was. For awhile it worked. I think I wanted so bad to be straight that I just made myself believe I was. I got married to my wife at 23 and for a short time after our wedding I was relieved. I thought ‘Yes, I knew it. I knew I just had to find someone who would clear all this up for me!’ That just came crashing down. We started having sex more to try and get pregnant and that caused me realise [sic] that I am a gay man. I’m not remaining in the closet because I’m too scared of my wife’s reaction. In fact she would probably be the most forgiving. I have decided not to come out because of my family. I’m not exaggerating when I say that they will disown me. They wouldn’t think twice about it. I wouldn’t be happy. I would be lost. Now that I have children that just scares me even more. I wouldn’t ser [sic] them much at all and that’s not an option for me… There are many things I wish I had done differently but I do not regret any of my choices because they’ve all led me to where I am today. My son and daughter are these amazing little people. I live in a great house with a loving and sweet little family. Our marriage (sham marriage as some people have pointed out) is a good one despite my sexuality. Our marriage is healthier than some that I know about and hear about. I have accepted that I may never come out and I’ve learnt to be okay with that. I will consider going to therapy too. This is the most I have ever talked about it. Up until now I have not told a soul and so I have really swept everything under the rug. It is amazing what you can block out if you really try.”

“I once helped out my a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.”

“I have lesbian sex with my best friend about once a month. Neither of us say anything to our husbands. We drink a good bottle of wine, get tipsy, get nasty, and fall asleep. When we wake up, we laugh, kiss, and go about our lives.”

“No ones going to probably find this comment, but I have an addiction to prostitutes. I can’t control myself. I’m also married and my wife has no idea. I spent $2000 on our credit card while she was overseas for 3 weeks. I lied and told her that I had a gambling problem, that’s why I spent so much. Little does she know, I was bringing hookers home.”

“I’m a guy with a foot fetish. And I -never- told my wife even though she has amazing feet. BUT it gets worse – I have a weird twist to my foot fetish. I’m really into ‘pedal pumping’ (i guess that’s the closest way to describe it) and I’m mortified to tell her or anyone else, and never have. When I was a little kid we spent a LOT of time at church during the week for mom’s choir practice and there was a decent looking piano player lady who would kick off her shoes and play the piano barefoot. And even though I knew nothing of my sexuality, I remember Saturday afternoons, being up on the stage/pulpit during boring choir practice, laying on the carpet, playing with Matchbox cars and trying not to make it seem glaringly obvious that I was transfixed watching this lady’s bare foot pushing on that piano pedal…

I was totally transfixed, and it continues to this day. Women playing pianos, organs, driving barefoot, using a sewing machine barefoot. My fantasies usually always involve me imagining myself as the pedal, and the woman has a sexy bare, nylon, or sock clad foot. If it’s a smelly foot even better. I feel guilty and stupid to this day. Why on earth would a fetish like that develop when I was a prepubescent kid?”

“When i was in 8th grade i fell in love with my girlfriend. I never thought it would be possible for someone so young could have such strong feelings. The relationship didn’t last more than three months because my mom and step-dad divorced and i had to move. I thought about her every day since i moved away. I met another person and have been married for 20 years now. I have four kids and have no complaints about my wife. Five years ago through social media i was able to correspond with 8th grade girlfriend. It turns out that she still has feelings for me too. I have been faithful to my wife for our entire marriage but want more than anything to be with my first love.”

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evnoweb · 5 years ago

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Internet Safety Month–Rules to Live By

June is National Internet Safety Month, thanks to a resolution passed in 2005 by the U.S. Senate. The goal is to raise awareness about online safety for all, with a special focus on kids ranging from tots to teens. Children are just as connected to the Internet as adults. This is a great list of internet cautions I got from an online efriend a few years ago. It covers all the basics, avoids boring details, and gives kids (and adults) rules to live by:

Not everything you read online is true

It used to be anything we read in print was true. We could trust newspapers, magazines and books as reliable sources of information. It’s not the same with the web. Since anyone can become published, some of the stuff you’re reading online isn’t true. Even worse, some people are just rewriting stuff they read from other people online, so you might be reading the same false information over and over again. Even Wikipedia isn’t necessarily a reliable source. If you’re researching something online, consider the source. Some poorly written, ramdom web page, isn’t necessarily a good source. However, if you find a .gov or .org site, the information has a better chance of being true. Always look at who owns the website and whether or not they have an agenda before considering whether or not certain information is true.

Not everyone you meet online are who they say they are

This is the hard part because we want to trust our friends, even our online friends. The truth is, some of the people you meet online are lying about who they really are. Sometimes adults pretend to be kids and kids pretend to be someone else. They do this for a variety of reasons; grownups might want to try and have sex with kids or frenemies might want to act like friends to get information on someone they want to bully at school or online. Unless you know someone very well and can verify their identity, don’t trust that everyone who you speak to online are who they say they are.

Some people who are pretending to be kids really aren’t. There are grownups who pretend to be kids so teens and kids won’t get creeped out talking with them. This is never a good thing. Most of the grownups who are looking to talk to kids are looking for sex. Parents need to monitor their kids’ friends list and ask questions about the friends they don’t know. It’s more prevalent than you think and it COULD happen to you.

Not everyone you “friend” is your friend. Just like in the real world, not everyone you know is a friend. Think long and hard about the people you’re “friending.” Drama doesn’t just stay in school anymore, now it follows you home thanks to the social networks. Plus, stuff y

ou share with what you think is a private social networking page is a simple cut and paste away from being broadcast all over school. Also, be careful when friending friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. You don’t really know these people, why are you giving them access to your private life? Sometimes, it’s like giving them the keys to your house.

Taking someone else’s writing and using it as your own is stealing

If you cut and paste something you found online and pass it off as your own it’s a copyright violation. Plain and simple, it’s plagiarism. There’s some sort of silly belief going around that web content is there to use whenever we want, and that’s not true at all. Never cut and paste someone else’s article, blog post or other content word for word. If you’re quoting a paragraph or line, always offer a link with attribution. That is, give credit to the original author.

Every single thing you put online has the ability to stay there for ever

Even if you close up your Facebook account or take down your blog or website, someone can still find your stuff and use it. There are tools like the “Wayback Machine” which can bring back web pages that were taken offline years ago. Also, friends and former friends might take screenshots or cut and paste your embarrassing status updates, only to use them later to embarrass you.

Online bullying hurts as much as offline bullying

People get bullied online and offline. That’s why it’s important for parents to monitor their kids’ social networking accounts. If your kids are being abused or bullied, you can help. You don’t want to learn about a serious situation when it’s too late. And kids don’t want to tell their parents about bullying episodes because they sometimes feel they’re to blame for saying the wrong thing or being socially inept. No one deserves this. If parents or kids are being bullied, the first step to take is to ban the bullies from their social networking accounts. Then tell the authorities.

People will gossip if you give them something to gossip about. No one wants to be gossiped about, yet every day they give out gossip-worthy tidbits. Underage girls pose provocatively and post the images to their Facebooks, boys talk about who they hooked up with at a party. Kids can’t get away with the same things parents might have in the past because it all has the ability to end up online. Don’t give anyone anything to gossip about – online or off. Also? If the proof is online, you can’t deny something happened and you lose all credibility.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is turn off your computer

Why would you want to avoid drama at school, but come home, go online to take part in more drama? Also, if someone says something online you don’t like, or behaves in a way that makes you uncomfortable, there’s no law saying you have to respond, or even stay online. Turn off your computer and do something less stressful. Enjoy the people and things that make you happy.

The best of the world is happening offline. When you log off your laptop, you can enjoy a world of books, sports and sunshiney days. You can go to the movies or skating rink with your friends or cook a gourmet meal with your family. This is real life. This is where the fun is.

If online drama is affecting your offline world, it’s time to unplug for a while. If all you can think about is your online interactions, you need to get offline pronto. If the things you say and do and people you’re talking with are keeping you up at night, and causing you to lose focus on your classes or other commitments, it’s time to spend less time online. Kids don’t need grownup sized stress. I know this sounds too simple, but if you spend less time online, those online problems will go away.

Facebook isn’t life

There’s a whole big world happening outside. It goes beyond status updates, duckfaces, and LOLs. In the real world people are enjoying the weather, going shopping, playing sports, and enjoying real time conversations. That’s real life. Unless it’s your job or for your job, (and even if it is) the Internet should be a distraction or an extracurricular activity, not the place where you spend all your time. If what’s happening on Facebook is keeping you from your family, your schoolwork or impacting health or sleep habits, it’s become a problem.

You don’t have to friend everyone who asks. I know we teach our kids to have good manners, and to not intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings. However, one thing we should also talk about is how we should take great care in choosing friends – both online and off. We wouldn’t walk up to Joe Off the Street and tell him what town we live in or what we did three hours ago, but that’s what happens when we friend people we don’t know. We shouldn’t have to worry about hurting someone’s feelings by not allowing them access to our lives and if it’s someone who we don’t choose to associate with offline, we certainly shouldn’t be opening ourselves up to them online.

Don’t allow your friends to share your personal details without permission

Sometimes online friends will post things on another person’s wall or tag friends in status updates that aren’t intended to cause trouble but can. For example they might mention a hookup or a date to cut school. They might mention a test result the recipient didn’t want getting out or tease about something embarrassing. Make sure friends are respectful of privacy, if they’re not they should be dropped from social networking circles.

When you post your phone number or address online, you’re inviting bad things to happen. Cell phone numbers, land lines, addresses, and even email addresses aren’t for public consumption. Be VERY, very, VERY careful when giving these out. First, many people online aren’t who they say they are at all. Bad people exist and it CAN happen to you and your family. Second, you’re opening yourself up to scammers, stalkers, identity thieves, perverts, robbers and other unsavory types. There’s a reason so many people keep their phone numbers unlisted. So if you wouldn’t put it in a telephone book, why would you post it online? Don’t give out your personal details to people you don’t know very well. Not unless you want to open up a whole Pandora’s Box of issues.

Sharing passwords never leads to anything good. So here’s what happens when passwords are shared: Friends share it with other friends. Or they use your passwords to troll or use abusive words in your name directed at other people. Or they read your email or private messages. Or they post things you don’t want posted. Or they use your PayPal or credit cards to do a little shopping. And then they tell the whole world about it. Stop saying they won’t because they will.

Your personal information is just a fight away from becoming public. Childhood and teen relationships are delicate. Kids and teens aren’t always mature enough to handle arguments and fights. Say the wrong thing or argue with the wrong person and dirty laundry becomes public. People act in the heat of anger and actions taken online can’t be taken back.

There’s no such thing as privacy online

Facebook and some other social networks may seem private because you’re in control of who you let view your status updates. However, that means nothing. Everything you post is only a cut and paste away from the whole world seeing it. Everything you post on a social network has the ability to show up somewhere else. Someone you think you trust may be sharing your private details with others, and yes, it DOES, absolutely, without a doubt, happen. A good rule of thumb is to never post anything online you wouldn’t want to see splashed across the headlines of the New York Times.

People who ask you to keep secrets are your friends. Anyone who tells you to keep secrets from your parents aren’t looking out for your best interests. Ever. There is no reason for anyone to ever tell anyone to keep something from their folks, unless they’re up to no good. There’s no way to justify it. If someone is asking you to keep a secret, they’re asking you to do something you shouldn’t be. They’re inviting you to be a partner in crime and there may be very real and serious repercussions if you accept.

It’s not a violation of privacy or lack of trust for parents to view kids’ Facebook pages. Parents, our kids’ well being is our responsibility. As parents, it’s up to us to know what our kids are doing online and off. We check to see who they’re going out with or how they’re spending they’re time offline, so why aren’t we doing the same when they’re on the web. It’s not disrespecting a kids’ privacy to have access to their email or Facebook accounts. It’s good parenting.

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Want this all in a poster? Here you are: