#as a side note i wish it were easier to get like. even just generic doll stands

[enbiansunburst]

finally got my hands on a rainbow high doll lol

[miley1442111]

Hello!

I know its probably too soon but im obsessed with "i dont even know you anymore" but one of these days could you make a continuation with the reader and aaron getting close and the team sees it and they are all cute and he treats her like a gentleman (with a bit of age gap because...its just right).

Thank you, and i totally get it if you dont want to do it and want it to be just a "stand alone".

Xoxo😘

omg I love this idea!!!! i hope i did it justice :)

i don't even know you anymore- s.reid /a.hotchner

a/n: intended for fem or male reader, so imagine what you like:)))))))))

summary: you can get past your break up with Spencer, especially with Aaron by your side, right?

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader, brokenupspencer reid x reader

warnings: general angst, cheating and breaking up, general fighting, kissing, emotional stuff

PART 1

4 moths post-breakup

It had been a gruelling 4 months. You had moved out of Spencer and your shared apartment, much to his disappointment. You had broken up with him the morning after, knowing you wouldn’t have felt secure in the relationship had it gone on. Emily, your best friend on the team, had been letting you live with her and she had told Aaron. It was clear as day to everyone that Aaron had a soft spot for you. As the youngest on the team (you were the same age as Spencer, just a few months younger), he felt it was his duty. He’d always step in if a superior was belittling you, always step up if an officer was flirting with or objectifying you when Spencer was too busy to notice, and he had reached out after the breakup, telling you that he could reassign you if you wanted, but urged you to stay on the team since you were such an asset. 

Your text conversations started with that, and slowly evolved into daily conversations about anything. Cute photos of Jack, funny jokes that soon turned into inside jokes, ideas on cases, and plans to get coffee. Your daily texts from Aaron, the support from Emily and the team, and the knowledge that you’d done the right thing for yourself, made the shitty time easier. What wasn’t easy was Spencer's daily ‘apology coffee’. He’d get you a coffee from your favourite coffee shop and write a sticky note, begging to even just talk. It was becoming soul-shattering how sad he constantly looked. A part of you wanted to run back to him and just be there for him, but you knew it’d only cause you pain. Jj refused to talk to you unless it was about a case, or to chew you out over Spencer’s devastated state and her now failing marriage at least once a week. You’d reached out to Will, assuming he’d known. He hadn’t, and now he was taking the kids. You felt bad, truly, and you wished you hadn’t said anything, but there’s only so much someone can do. You’d told Jj the second it happened and apologised profusely. Did she curse you out over the phone? Yes. Did she say Spencer never truly loved you? Yes. 

But did any of that fix her marriage? No.

Cases and days passed uneventfully, full of blood, guts, and longing glances from Spencer. You had started going apartment hunting recently and you felt better. You felt like yourself again. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6 months post-breakup 

This case was particularly difficult, the unSub was targeting women of your exact description, and you had been chosen to go undercover- your least favourite pastime. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know that right?” Derek asked as he watched you turn your mic on. 

“Who else is? He needs to be stopped.”

“You don’t have to be the one to stop him, his behaviour isn’t escalating-” Spencer had budded in but you held up a hand to silence him. His rambling used to make you feel special because you were the only one who truly listened to him. You never cut him off or said something back-handed. You never made it a joke. Now his rambling felt bitter and silly to your ears, a reminder of just how stupid you’d been. 

“I’ll be fine,” You sighed. “I’ve done this before, right?”

Derek nodded and pulled you into a quick hug. Spencer tried to pull you in for a hug but you dodged him, wanting to get all of this over with. You hated being undercover. It made you feel powerless and objectified.

“Agent?” Aaron coughed out and you stared in his direction. “Can I have a word?”

“Sure,” you shrugged and followed him into an empty interrogation room. “Planning on interrogating me?”

“Are you sure about this?” He asked, letting his guard down as he had so many times in the past few months. He had opened up about so much. He had opened up about Haley’s death, about how bad of a parent he feels, anything. He even let you come over and have a movie night with him and Jack once a week. Jack falls asleep halfway through and Aaron puts him to bed and you pick a movie that isn’t about paw patrol or trolls. Though you enjoy watching those all the same. Jack cuddles up to you and smiles at you until he falls asleep. It’s adorable. 

“I’m sure. I’ll be fine, don’t worry Aaron,” you smiled, taking his hand. “I’m trained for this, right?”

“I’ll be right there,” he promised. “Say the word and we’ll come in.”

“I know,” you chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Promise me you’ll be careful?” 

“I promise,” You smiled and kissed his cheek, leaving the room swiftly after. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being undercover was just about as terrible as you thought it would be. The unSub was an asshole, of course he was- he was murdering women. But he was a particular kind of asshole, the kind that takes women down for their insecurities so that he could lure them to him. He was verbally degrading you and if you were being yourself, you would’ve talked back. But, you were undercover and playing a college student. 

And that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was when Spencer came in, acting as your ‘boyfriend’ to get him away, ruining the only chance you had at capturing the guy. You slumped against your seat in the SUV as Spencer attempted to justify his actions to the rest of the team outside the car.

“I thought he was going to-” He was speaking a mile a minute, but stopped when Aaron put his hand up. 

“Do you have any idea what you just jeopardised?” He boomed, calm but clearly angry. “That was the closest we have ever been to him, and now he knows your face Spencer. He also knows Y/n’s face. He knows you're with the FBI and he knows we’re looking for him! Do you have any idea how stupid that was?” 

“Hotch I’m sorry I-I was worried-” he tried to apologise but Aaron cut him off again.

“Spencer, we were all worried about Y/n. Every single one of us. But you have to remember that she’s a trained agent, and that she’s not your girlfriend anymore,” Aaron stormed off to the other car with Dave trailing behind as the rest of the team stood there, shocked. 

“This is all your fault Y/N!” Jj provoked. “None of this would’ve happened if you didn’t make it such a big deal!”

You rolled your eyes and put on your headphones, the want to leave the team grew stronger everyday. You hated Spencer. You hated Jj. You didn’t know how much more you could take. 

“Listen to me!” Jj urged and you just turned your music up as Emily and Derek began defending you.

Jj shoved you, and it was the last straw. You got up and out of the car. You knocked in Aaron’s window in the next car and he rolled it down. “Can I come with you two?”

They both nodded and Aaron opened his door, allowing you to climb in. 

“What’s going on?” Dave asked after a moment of silence. 

“The end of my time with the BAU. I’m leaving,” you sighed, not looking at Aaron. You’d technically gone over his head and went straight to Strauss, but you didn’t care. You weren't going to change your mind on this, and you didn’t want him to try. 

“That’s very sad news,” Dave sighed. “You’re a great asset to this team.”

“I’m just dividing it. There’s no need for me to cause this much trouble. Spencer would’ve never gone in if he didn’t think he was ‘saving’ our relationship, Jj would be more focused on work and there would be less tension. I’m so sick of everyone picking a side. It’s not fair.”

“But you shouldn’t have to leave, this doesn’t need to happen-” Aaron started but Dave cut him off. 

“You're doing a very kind thing for people that probably don’t deserve it,” Dave sighed. “Where are you planning on going after?”

“I don’t know yet,” You shrugged and saw Aaron practically deflate.

“You have no plan?” He asked, clearly concerned.

“No? I have a law degree, I might go into that, or I’ll just join another department at Quantico. I don’t have everything mapped out right now Aaron.”

Aaron remained with a hardened look on his face the rest of the ride to the airport. The tension in the air was palpable and, to be honest, you were sick of it. You just wanted this to be over with. It was draining, and taking a toll on you mentally. Any breakup would, but this breakup included the team. The most important people to you were forced to pick a side and chose who was in the wrong or right. Jj and some others from the office had picked Spencer’s side, saying it was unfair that you didn’t hear him out. Whereas Penelope, Emily, Aaron, Dave, Derek, and the rest of the office took your side, saying it was wrong to kiss someone else, especially a mutual friend and coworker, and someone he’d admitted to having a serious crush on. You were done. You were leaving.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

8 months post-breakup 

Honestly, not being on the BAU had some getting used to. Your team had been your family for so long that being without them felt strange. You had been reassigned to the Criminal Justice Information Services Division, or CJIS for short. You’d moved a whole 4 and half hours away from Quantico, much to the team's chagrin. You loved it there, it was a nice change. Though, you missed your weekly movie nights at Aaron’s (those now had to be turned monthly), you missed your daily catch-ups with Emily which had to be moved over facetime, since you didn’t live down the block from each other anymore, and you missed being a profiler. You missed Pen, David and Derek, you even kind of missed Jj. 

A knock sounded at your door and you instantly got up and smiled, opening it without even looking. “Jack!” You wrapped the little boy up in a large hug and felt him giggle into your shoulder. You heard Aaron’s laughter and looked up at him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it as a small greeting. Jack wrangled himself out of your arms and began to run inside your house, desperate to eat the freshly popped popcorn you always made for him. 

“Hi honey,” Aaron smiled, pulling you in for a hug. His nicknames always made you feel special, your favourite being ‘honey’. You thought it sounded more romantic and endearing than other nicknames. Not that you thought of Aaron in a romantic way. Never. You wouldn’t. Not even when he picked Jack up with ease, a t-shirt on to show the swell of his biceps. Not when he crept his arm around you during movies. Definitely not when we helped you cook in the kitchen, for example, when you made bread. He looked so-

You pushed those feelings out of your head. 

“Hey Aaron,” you smiled as he pulled away. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine thank you, how are you?” He asked, a small smile on his face. 

“I’m good, I love my new department,” You beamed, though this topic was clearly a sore one for Aaron. His body language changed, he was more rigid, more tense. 

“That's good,” he deadpanned. “The BAU misses you.”

“I miss them too,” you chuckled, reminiscing on better times. “Send them my love, will you?”

“Of course, honey,” he smiled again as he saw you get flustered. 

The night went off as usual, Jack falling asleep immediately, putting him to bed in your guest bedroom, watching a movie, cleaning up, making out with Aaron on your couch- wait, what?

There you were, making out with Aaron on your couch. The tension had finally broken and now, his hands were on your waist as you straddled his legs, kissing him feverishly. 

“I want you,” Aaron rasped. “I want you as my girlfriend.”

You pulled away, catching your breath. “Seriously?”

He nodded and kissed you again, even more forceful than last time. 

“I’m yours,” you said in between kisses. 

“You’re mine.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

12 months post-breakup

Dating Aaron had been bliss. He was the perfect gentleman in every way, and he was perfect for you. You loved him. He loved you. He had also convinced you to come up to Quantico to see the team. Something that was becoming increasingly real as you stepped foot inside the bullpen and saw everyone’s faces. Spencer looked elated to see you, it was a full year since you’d broken up and maybe he was healed? Derek looked excited to see you, as did Penelope, David, Emily, and, of course, Aaron. He walked over and pulled you into a hug and smiled, happy that you were doing this. Penelope ran over next, then Emily, David, Derek and, finally, Spencer. Jj was nowhere to be seen- probably a good thing.

“It’s so good to see you, I didn’t realise you were coming back-” He rambled but you cut him off.

“I’m not coming back, I just came to say hi to everyone,” you smiled. “Aaron convinced me.”

Aaron tried to hide his smirk with his hand but it didn’t work well, and looking at Spencer, you’d think he was being faced with the most horrific challenge of his life. 

“You’re who Aaron’s dating,” Spencer stated and there was a collective gasp from the office. You looked to Aaron in panic and he nodded. 

“Yes, we are dating,” Aaron said, the focus turning to him. “It’s only new so I’d really like for everyone to calm do-”

“How could you do that to me?” Spencer turned to you, sounding broken-hearted. “You go after Hotch to make me, what? Jealous? To make me want you again? I’ve always wanted you, I’ll always want you! You don’t want him, you want me.”

“Spencer, I’m dating Aaron because I love him. Me and you are history, it happened a year ago!”

“It was a 3 year long relationship, you don’t just get over it in a few months,” Spencer seethed. 

“Yeah, it took me a long time, but I am over it.”

“That’s not fair,” Spencer stormed off, clearly upset but no one went after him. The rest of your visit was filled with catching up with people, laughter, and a nice dinner. You and Aaron went back to his house, since you didn’t feel like driving the 4 and half hours home. As you went inside, you saw Jessica, she smiled at you as you caught up, then left when you were done talking. She had been watching Jack and put him to sleep, meaning you and Aaron had the house practically to yourselves. You noticed Aaron had been acting off since the confrontation with Spencer, you assumed it was anger but no, it was something else. You grabbed his hand and sat him on the couch, sitting beside him. 

“Talk to me,” you pleaded, a hand running through his hair.

“About what?” he chuckled, though it lacked humour and life.

“About what’s wrong.”

He stared at you for a moment, then sighed. “I understood Spencer’s point. You shouldn’t want me. I’m not exactly in the prime of my life, I have a child, I’m not exactly up to going clubbing or things like that. You should be with someone your own age. Someone like Spencer-”

“Spencer cheated on me. Aaron, I love you. I love you so much. You’re the most handsome, caring, and loving person I’ve ever met, you’re a brilliant dad, you and I both know I wouldn’t go clubbing either way, and you’re very proficient in other forms of exertion so I wouldn't worry about that. I love you Aaron. You.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, a kiss that soon turned heated. You knew he understood you. You knew he heard you. And you knew you’d be ok. 

You loved him, he loved you.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[angelshadowsinger]

oh my fucking god your work is incredible! holy literal shit balls i have never felt that entranced by a fanfiction until reading yours. thank u thank u thank u your azriel is PERFECT.

also i’m totally gonna need your thoughts on azriel sharing with his shadows 👀

re: ummmmmmm call me parmesan bc u got me CHEESIN!?!?!! that is literally sO sweet of you to say, i am touched 🥺 as a fic author you always worry if you’re making the character OOC and, it just makes me so happy to hear your praise!! thank you so much anon~ ♥︎ This HC is a bit more than what you’ve asked for, but it does includes it, so pls enjoy!

Azriel’s Shadows Around his Mate Headcanons

･ ゜゜・．｡ ･ ゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡ ･ ゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇ: ʙʏ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴇʀᴛɪꜰʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ 18 ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪɴᴏʀ. ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ. ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴅɪꜱᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴏɴ.

･ ゜゜・．｡ ･ ゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡ ･ ゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

In my eyes, Azriel’s shadows are a part of him. There hasn’t been much insight that Maas has given us with shadowsingers and their capabilities in general, but this is what I choose to believe~

Since Azriel’s shadows were perhaps the first of his powers, and the first entity to treat him with some kindness/obedience, I think he would be very in tune with them and he himself would consider them a part of him. He has had over 500 years to develop his relationship with them and therefore, I believe once he found his mate, his shadows would be just as captivated with her as he himself.

Obviously, Azriel is a total simp for his girl (but that’s another hc in its own), so that means his shadows are too. Honestly, it could be viewed as annoying how often at least a few of his shadows are constantly at your side. He’s used to having them totally loyal to him, so now that he has to share them with you… well, it’s not really actually that cumbersome, because he knows that even when you two are apart, he’ll be sure to know if you need him/his help. Though he has a couple less to send out on his spymaster business, technically, the ones with you are acting as his spies anyway. Just, with a far more interesting and important subject.

His shadows do a variety of things for you, making your everyday life easier and more pleasant. Just as their master, the shadows like to give you princess treatment.

For example, they go out of their way to help you with mundane things. If you’re making dinner and a tomato rolls off the cutting board, they’re pushing it back to you. When you’re putting on a dress, they’re helping you with the zip and clasp. If you’re writing something and your pen runs out of ink, somehow they’ve procured a new one that matches your exact preferences.

Both Az and his shadows notice the small things. They take notes of your likes and dislikes, what makes you giggle, cry, or provides you comfort.

At times when he’s away for a long while, and you’re missing him, they will deliver small gifts to you. A couple flowers tied with twine, native to the strange lands he’s currently working in. A special spice he knows you love to use in the foods you share with him. An especially-delicious pastry made with your favorite fruit/flavor. Though the shadows themselves do not find you gifts, they are happy to deliver whatever Az requests they send.

They also will take anything you wish to send him. Whether he’s in another country, or simply training at the House of Wind with his brothers, his shadows will deliver your every gift. Most of the time it’s little sweets or a lunch you’ve packed. Sometimes when you’re feeling cheekier, a receipt from the lingerie store informing him of your latest purchase. If you’re really feeling brazen, sometimes the panties themselves. His shadows are perhaps happiest to carry those items, either to get into contact with them or to see their master’s red cheeks as he shoves them out of his brothers’ view.

His shadows are your caretaker when he is not with you. When you’ve fallen asleep staying up for your mate’s return from yet another mission, his shadows will tuck you under your favorite blanket, taking off your reading glasses and ensuring your spot in the open book on your lap is not lost. Az nearly melts when he comes back to the sight, you dead asleep on the couch in front of the blazing hearth, his shadows perched dutifully there, guarding you.

However, they grow attached to you and even when he is with you, they will not leave you alone unless he commands them.

Azriel likes to take full advantage of his time alone with you. There is nothing he finds more comfort and pleasure in than being in your embrace. Sometimes that’s hard to do, though, when his shadows steal away your attention, or beat him to helping you with the zip of your dress.

It’s a very endearing sight to see him get jealous of his own shadows. He’d have a scowl on his face as he glared at them, silently ordering them to leave your side so he could have you all to himself. The shadows would melt onto the floor, gloomy in a way, whisper once more around your ankle before they go off to fulfill their master’s instruction.

Most of the time, you manage to guilt your mate into letting a few of them come back. And as soon as he calls them, they appear and shoot right for you. Az rolls his eyes but of course he understands. How could they not fall in love with you?

Azriel is actually very good with sharing. This usually applies to you when his shadows are involved, though sometimes he just needs to be alone with you. Whether it’s to have his way with you or just to snuggle up and bask in his mate’s presence. When he needs time like that, he will have his shadows guard your quarters and they will do so without question— fiercely protecting the only two beings they care for.

~spicy hc’s begin ;)~

Most of the time, Azriel will take the lead in pleasuring you— as he should, as your mate— but he’s likely to let his shadows watch or join his efforts if they play a supporting role.

For example, his favorite thing is to be between your legs, feasting on your sweet cunt and making sure you know you are his, while his shadows hold you down so you can’t move an inch. This way, you have to take the pleasure in the exact way he desires, unable to greedily chase your high or buck your hips or push him away.

Usually he plays with you for a while like this, teasing you and edging you a handful of times before he’s ruthless, unstopping even after you’ve come. He does cease his ravishing after you’ve come again, only to ensure he doesn’t overstimulate you before he’s had a chance to fuck you like you both want.

His shadows are happy to shackle you and render you helpless to his onslaught of pleasure; they love hearing your wanton cries and will dry away any tears of pleasure that escape with a cool, ghostly caress.

Speaking of their caress, one of his favorite uses for them is to soothe your skin when he’s done marking it up. Meaning, after every spank or particularly hard bite, the shadows will rove over the irritated flesh, kissing you with their cooling tendrils.

Since the shadows are slightly cold, sending them to curl around your nipples while he fucks you from behind is also another favorite. The temperature-play heightens everything— especially when they move down your curves to tease at your clit or your ass, depending on your preference…

Sometimes he lets them fuck you as part of your foreplay— usually while you’re sucking his cock. He just loves the surprise that flickers in your eyes when you’re choking on the length of him deep in your throat, how your lashes flutter when that familiar cool touch tickles your inner thighs and pushes your wet panties aside, how your moan feels vibrating around him when they thrust inside of you. He savors how your rhythm gets thrown, how you struggle to continue when his shadows are running over every sensitive crevice of your most intimate parts.

On rarer occasions, Azriel will let the shadows have their way with you. He’d sit back in a comfortable, wing-friendly armchair, darkened hazel eyes drinking in every movement before him— you with your eyes rolled back in ecstasy, the darkness holding your legs spread and fondling every inch of you— cupping your tender breasts, tweaking those pert, hard nipples… stroking your face, your hair, your hips and thighs… flowing over your puffy clit, slipping between your dripping folds and even wandering inside of you, perhaps just as deep as Azriel’s cock could reach. He would jerk his leaking shaft at the sight before him, lip held prisoner in his feral snarl. He wouldn’t be able to last very long, the sight before him too much for him to keep his composure.

When you’re both spent and panting for breath, the shadows will run up and down your moistened back, taking away the heat that lingers there and helping to lull you to sleep.

Only when you’re unconscious do they return to Azriel, curling around his shoulders in thanks. They know they are lucky to be the sole creature/presence with which he shares his mate, and any time spent with you is valued payment for the many services they provide their master with.

[beetlejuicyy]

Eraser | Ryomen Sukuna x reader

4. Vengeance

Summary: you give Sukuna a taste of his own medicine with Toji's help. is it the right move, though?

Warnings: galisht, toxicity, mentions of cheating

Word count: 4,005

Series Masterlist:

1. Ultimatum

2. Wash Away

3. Only memories

4. Vengeance

Read on AO3

Notes: i have to admit i never expected this story to get here when i wrote the first part. so thank you everyone who enjoys this i'm having so much fun!!

General Masterlist | Divider @rookthornesartistry

You’re the only one I want by my side.

For fifteen minutes you have been looking blankly at the pretty box on your bed. A deliveryman showed up in front of your door to deliver it, although you didn’t remember placing any order. The prettiest dress you’ve ever seen, even more beautiful in reality than the pictures you saw on the internet, was carefully folded with a handwritten note on top.

Wear this for me, if you come. I hope you will.

Your heart was beating, a mix of excitement and indignation fighting inside your soul. Does he think a dress and a handwritten note is enough? But your legs were already weak, your anger melting with every minute your eyes looked back and forth from the dress to the note. It was a dress you showed him multiple times. There was no occasion in the near future to wear it, sparkly and revealing just enough, elegant and precious, it was too much even for a fancy dinner or the occasional parties he took you to. Not to mention the exorbitant price.

The standard invitation sent to everyone was hiding at the bottom of the box, under the dress. It was a formal party, celebrating the launch of his new business, at a fancy casino. The dress was perfect for the event. For three days you had been debating whether to go or not, the only thing keeping you from running back into Sukuna’s arms being your wish for something to change. You weren't quite sure what exactly yet.

Looking out the window of your kitchen, you saw the same car parked in front of the building, as always. The tough guy following your every move since your breakup was undoubtedly paid by Sukuna to keep an eye on you. He never blended in with any of the places you went, too tall and hunky, not even pretending to have any other reason for being in the same places as you. You weren’t scared of him, mostly because you knew he was Sukuna’s man.

You’re the only one I want by my side.

You could almost hear Sukuna say these words, although they were only written on a thick perfumed paper. As you still contemplated, you noticed the man with raven hair got out of the car. He was wearing a navy shirt that hugged his muscles in all the right places, the fabric stretching as his arms moved. He was having a smoke, with his back leaning against the car, looking up to the window illuminated by light where you were standing.

An idea sparked inside your mind, like a lightning bolt.

You couldn’t forgive Sukuna so easily. But if you could teach him a lesson that would bring you to an even ground that would make things easier. Fair.

When you got out of the apartment building, Toji was already inside the car. He watched you closely as you approached, your breasts jiggling softly with every step you took in your high heels. He licked his lips instinctively, as Sukuna’s warning echoed inside his brain.

I don’t pay you to fantasize about fucking my woman.

How could he not, though? That bastard knew your measurements so well since the dress was fitting your body perfectly, it was probably custom made. It was reflecting all the light coming from the streetlamps on your way to the car. Toji rolled down the window before you could reach him, placing his forearm on the sill.

“You’re Sukuna’s lapdog, right?” You asked, and he looked up at you. Such a pretty face for a pretty body. Feisty as well.

“I’m only doing what I’m paid for, doll.” He shrugged, waiting for your next move.

“Take me to him.”

You didn’t expect him to open the door for you or anything, but the ride was engulfed by an awkward silence. Toji was quite handsome, you admitted to yourself as you stole looks now and then. It made your plan easier to follow, since your eyes flew to his large hand on the steering wheel or to the scar across the corner of his lips.

“You’re Megumi’s dad, right?” You asked, wishing to spark some conversation. He looked at you quickly from the corner of his eye, although he failed to meet your gaze and landed on your cleavage instead. “The resemblance is striking.” You continued when his eyes went back to the road. You wondered if Sukuna knew him because Yuuji was friends with Megumi or the other way around.

“He takes more after his mom.” Toji replied on a neutral tone, and you understood that the subject you chose was not the best. He was probably a teen dad, since he didn’t look that old, but more mature than you in any case.

You took out a small mirror from your purse to check on your make-up. As the car stopped at a red light, the man took a moment to look at how short your dress was when you were sitting down, exposing a generous amount of your thigh. You could see him in the mirror, and he seemed to be aware of it, but he didn’t look away until the light turned to green.

“You shouldn’t push him away too much, y’know?” Toji finally said, breaking the silence. “A man has his ego too.” For a moment, the hidden meaning of his words was clear as day. He had guessed what you were about to do.

“I’m not taking advice from a man who barely paid child support.”

“Fair enough.” He replied with a smug smile.

When the car finally pulled over in the parking lot, a drop of your determination disappeared as you noticed all the expensive cars and people attending Sukuna’s party. You were about to ruin his night, and, for a moment, you wondered if all of this was worth it. Couldn’t you simply get over it, believe the man you loved and end this? Your hand slipped away from the door as Toji opened it for you and you looked at him surprised. He was offering you a hand.

The images of Sukuna making out with that girl flashed in your mind, giving you the confidence boost you needed. You took Toji’s hand and got out of the car, pulling the hem of your dress lower. You were about to give your boyfriend some taste of his own medicine.

“I should get going, my job is done here.” Toji said with a very unconvincing voice, as if he didn’t believe the words either. He was giving you a last chance to change your mind.

“Nonsense.” You said, grabbing his muscular arm. “I’ll buy you a drink as a thank you for the ride.”

You arrived late, as you intended. You hardly recognized any of the people crowding the enormous room lit by crystal chandeliers. It was hard to find Sukuna in this mass of fancy dresses and rich men but you didn’t rush anyway. Toji guided you towards the bar, and you took a seat while he chose not to, standing next to you. The look in his eyes, practically undressing you, was enough to tell that he didn't mind your little game at all. After you got your drink you quickly turned in your seat to face him, while your eyes constantly searched the crowd for a ruffled pink hair in the sea of people. As you were talking, you crossed one leg over the other, growing impatient by the minute.

***

Dissimulation was one of Sukuna's many skills. He had no difficulty in smiling charmingly and exchanging meaningless words just for the sake of building his reputation. There were only two types of people in that room. The ones who had no idea who he was and the ones who knew it too well. Naturally, with the first category he could start on a clean slate. With the latter, it was even more entertaining to see how they followed the social script so diligently while their pupils contracted in fear, a drop of sweat was dripping down their foreheads and their hands were shaking as they greeted him. Sukuna had everyone wrapped around his finger, be it throught admiration or fear.

"O-of course, it would be an honour to collaborate." The old man's voice trembled while he only looked down at Sukuna's expensive dress shoes as he was speaking. The last time Sukuna saw this pathetic scum his men had his son kidnapped because of unpaid debt. He was big in the transportation industry, of course he found double the money to pay.

A man from security carefuly approached Sukuna as he was enjoying his little intimidation games, whispering in his ear that someone saw you enter through the front door. His relaxed posture suddenly changed, his back straight and tense, his hands clenched in tight fists in his black dress pants' pockets as he heard Toji's name following yours.

He had to find you. He had to talk to you. If you were here, he surely meant something to you.

The hall was enormous and filled with people. He had to find you quickly and easily. His heart was beating fast, anticipating the moment he could see your face, hear your voice, feel your touch. He missed you excruciatingly much. So much that he was about to do the most cliché and cheesy gesture that otherwise would have made him cringe just by thinking about it.

The band stopped playing and everyone turned around to see the singer announce that the host of the party was about to hold a speech. People clapped in encouragement as Sukuna stepped up on the stage, on the opposite end of the room from the bar, where you and Toji were casually continuing your conversation. It was so easy for him to spot you. While everyone was facing him, you weren't. Your dress, the one he bought you, was the brightest and most beautiful. Next to you, that bastard had his hand on your waist while you leaned in to kiss him, one small hand of yours on his chest.

It was barely a couple of moments that other guests didn't even notice. But to Sukuna it felt like an endless torment in hell, seeing how you tilted your head so you could make out with the other man, your hand gripping in his shirt, your eyes open looking directly at him while your body was touched by someone else, your tongue was in someone else's mouth, your hands were pulling someone else close. Sukuna's hand grabbed the micropone tightly, his knuckles white, almost breaking.

He could already see himself jump off the stage, terrified people making way as he would roll his sleeves up to his elbows, ready to beat the shit out of Toji, the bastard he was paying to keep an eye on you. He would punch him right in the face, break that annoying smirk off his lips, then drag him out and beat him to death.

"Huh, this thing doesn't seem to like me." Sukuna joked with a relaxed tone as he pretended not to know how the microphone worked. If his mind was filled with homicidal thoughts nobody in the room could see that. Instead, they saw a handsome and powerful man thanking everyone for attending his event.

You pulled away from Toji as soon as Sukuna's voice echoed in the room. Nobody could see past his facade better than you. And this time, it was more unsettling than ever.

"I would like to thank everyone for honouring me with your support for this new chapter of my life." You had planned to leave as soon as your revenge was through, mostly because you didn't know how to confront Sukuna so soon. But he had you mesmerized, in his black Armani shirt as he rolled up his sleeves comfortably and talked to the audience as if he didn't just see his woman makeout with another man a second before. You watched in awe how his supressed anger flickered every time his eyes would find yours again, while he joked about his appearance, reassuring his guests that his tattoos didn't prevent him from being an upright businessman. It was scary to see how much self control he had, but even scarier to think what would happen when it was gone. You wanted to break him, to see him suffer as you did, but he kept talking as if nothing happened.

"I would also like to raise a toast for the woman who had always been by my side, the one I love most." He raised his glass while looking directly at you, and you suddenly forgot how to breathe. "Unfortunately she couldn't be with us tonight."

You heard Toji sneer next to you, taking the approaching end of Sukuna's speech as a signal to leave. He leaned to your ear to whisper that he will be waiting in the car, but you could barely pay attention to his words. Before he could move, you left your seat as the room echoed with the sound of people clapping.

***

The night air was not as refreshing as you had hoped. The terrace was empty. You placed your hands on the marble railing, the cold surface making you shiver. Toji was right, it was best to leave now. But you couldn't. You simply couldn't. Your stupid revenge plan brought no comfort. If you ever felt a drop of satisfaction while your lips were locked with Toji's and your eyes locked with Sukuna's, it was too feeble to be remembered.

"No, thank you." You said as you heard someone come closer, placing a glass of alcohol on the railing next to your hand.

"You might need it." You choked on empty air as Sukuna's low voice rang in your ears. Your heartbeat echoed in your throat and you felt tears blurring your vision. Your grip on the marble tightened as if you found it hard to stand on your feet. "I hope you're happy now." Sukuna had three buttons of his shirt undone as he leaned with his back against the cold marble. He took a sip from the same glass he offered you before putting it back like a boundary between your bodies.

You didn't say anything. You only pressed your lips together, in an attempt to avoid crying. The band had started playing again inside and the muffled sound of music was the only thing you could hear besides your heartbeat ringing in your ears.

"Why do you always do this?" You asked as you turned to him after a long moment of silence. His eyebrows rose in dissimulated confusion as he didn't even look at you, his eyes fixed on the glass doors revealing a glimpse of the party. "Give me what I want after I fuck everything up."

He crossed his arms, the expensive perfume you gifted him for Christmas creeping deep into your brain.

"Why do you think I invited you here? Had all these losers dressed up? Rent this expensive shithole for the night? Hired a well know band?"

"Don't blame me, I never asked for any of it." You took a sip from the same glass, wishing you could kiss him instead. The memory of Toji's taste on your lips made you take yet another sip to wash it away.

"I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying I'm not good with words. So I make up for it through gestures."

He had an innate talent of always turning every situation in his favor. You were the bad guy now. You kissed someone else while he prepared an event just for you. You ruined everything with your arrogance. You could never win.

It was almost infuriating how calm he was, although you could tell from his reluctance to look at you that he was still concealing his true feelings for the sake of appearance. He had a venue full of important people watching him. He couldn't cause a scene. Yet.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asked after a few long minutes of silence. His voice was lower, closer to a growl. His mind was replaying that moment in his head over and over again.

"Did you enjoy kissing that bitch?" You answered with another question. He grinned as he played with the almost empty glass, the small amount of liquid left sparkling in the light as it moved.

"So it's payback. You think that's fair?" He asked again, his eyes lost watching the whiskey splashing against the edges of the glass according to his hand's movements.

"It's not even half of what you've done to me." You muttered through gritted teeth. You were about to grab his face, force him to look at you, break away from the stupid game he was playing when he smashed the glass against the marble floor, making you gasp and step back in fear. The music was too loud for the people inside to notice. He ran a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply. The glass shattered on the floor, the small amount of alcohol spilling on the white marble.

"It's not even half." He repeated after you and took a few steps to close the distance between the two of you. You felt the cold marble against your back as he cornered you, both his hands placed at your sides, his arms imprisoning you. "What would be half? What would make it even?" He asked, dangerous crimson eyes fixed on you as his head hanged low to look down at you. Your feet were already hurting because of the heels. "You want me to watch my employee fuck you, hm?" You looked up at him through your lashes, feeling the soft fabric of his pants touch your bare legs. "Would that be half?" His head sank even lower, his mouth close to your ear to growl lowly. "Two men? Three? How many would you have fucking you until you call it even?"

"You're disgusting." You said as you gripped on the marble railing, his body leaning over yours making it hard for you to stand.

He leaned back to look at you again, his eyes following the curves of your body, appreciating how well the dress was fitting you. You felt the tip of his fingers brush against your waist and up your chest, shivering when his cold hand wrapped around your warm neck. He didn't choke you, didn't put any pressure on your soft skin. His hand only ghosed around it, feeling your pulse in the empty space between your skin and his hand and the warmth radiating from your body.

You weren't afraid of him, just as you weren't afraid of Toji when he suddenly started following you around. Because you knew Sukuna would never hurt you. Even now, when his mouth was spitting the vilest things, you could see the sadness in his eyes, the regret that was lingering in his intimidating stare. One of your hands wrapped around his tattooed wrist, pushing his hand further into your neck, daring him to go further.

"Come on, take it out on me." You said when his hand refused to move, not choking you completely but not freeing you either. He was keeping you there, still pondering on what he was supposed to do. "Do whatever you want."

"No." He said, pulling away, allowing you space to breathe.

You didn't think much about the aftermath of your plan, mainly because you proudly pretended you knew him better than he knew himself. You knew he was sorry for everything he had done. You knew he loved you. You knew he would never hurt you. But you also wanted to hear it from his own mouth. In your arrogance, you didn't bother to worry about overstepping a line, breaking a boundary, making irreparable damage. After all, you only returned the same pain he made you go through.

Then why didn't you feel like it was enough?

He was standing a few steps away from you until he adjusted his dress pants as he crouched down on the floor. Now he looked more like the man you were familiar with, the gang leader of the streets, full of tattoos, hair a mess, ready to fight if anyone dared to cross him.

"Uraume is waiting for you in parking lot to take you home." He said as he took out a cigarette. He tried to light it a few times but the lighter seemed broken. He threw it on the floor with a loud sigh, the sound of metal hitting marble hurting your ears. It must have been very uncomfortable to sit like that in those fancy pants.

"I can go by myself." He smiled, expecting you to refuse. He was still playing with the cigarette between his fingers but the lighter was too far.

"I'm not saying it twice." Sukuna sat up and walked over to pick up the lighter. The violent gesture seemed to have fixed it since now it flickered right away, and he sucked in so desperately like the nicotine could take away the pain in his heart.

Looking at him, you wondered if you had always been this vile. You would have never guessed how hungry for revenge you would be, how much you would wish to hurt him as much as you loved him. Even now, as you could clearly see the contradictions in his mind, the hurt and the anger and the love fighting to reach a conclusion, it still wasn't enough for you. You wanted more. You wanted to see Sukuna crawl, groaning in agony because of you. You loved him and you wanted to own him equally. But the quiet good girl minding her business could never own a man like him.

"If you think about leaving with Toji he's either beaten up or already left after beating up my men."

You walked up to him, his eyes never leaving you as you approached him. It was a new and unfamliar dynamic between the two of you. Maybe defying Sukuna by kissing Toji made you realize you had more power than you thought. Or his bad influence over time was finally taking its toll on you. When you closed in the space between the two of you, you lightly placed one hand on his cheek. He turned his face to the side, blowing away a thin cloud of smoke. His handsome side profile was even more captivating from up close, every curve and edge of his features creating a masculine and intimidating view. When he turned his face back to you, you pulled him in for a kiss and he quickly responded. It was the first kiss after so much time, yet it was slow and soft, almost like you were getting to know each other's lips for the first time. He let the cigarette fall from between his fingers, his hands placed on your hips pulling you closer. You could taste on his lips just how much he missed you and you made sure to let him know too. When you pulled away his lips were swollen and stained with your lipstick. You wiped it away softly with your thumb.

"Go." He said, although his hands were still placed on your hips keeping you close.

"The woman who had always been by your side is gone already." You said, alluding to his earlier speech. He frowned slightly, not understading your odd smile or your puzzling eyes. "Take care, 'kuna." You said, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. When you pulled away, he caught you by the hand, keeping you next to him for a few more moments.

"This dress looks amazing on you." He said.

"Thank you." You whispered, squeezing his hand.

《previous 3. Only Memories next》 Ascension |

True Form! Sukuna x Reader

tags: @sukunasleftkneecap @nicxl333 @st4r-s4r4 @vinnieswife @rosaryia @iluvoaldmen @rowrowrowyourboat13 @sterzin @siriuslyblackonback @00frenchfries00 @selina18

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Knight in Shining Motorcycle: Part Two

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.7k

Warnings: feeling rejected and heartbroken, going on yet another bad date, belittling wait staff (by the date), fluff at the end

Summary: It's been a month since the incident with Jackson. It's been a month since you felt Bucky's arms around you. It's been a month and he hasn't said one word about it, and seems like he's gone back to his usual ways. It's time for you to move but why can't you?

read part one here: Knight in Shining Motorcycle

Squares Filled: seeking comfort in best friend (2020) for @star-spangled-bingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

It’s been a month since you and Bucky shared a bed. It’s been a month since he saved you from that disastrous date with Jackson. It’s been a month since you felt his arms around you, and you haven’t felt them since. It’s like after that night, Bucky went back to his normal ways of fucking a new girl every week. He refuses to think about that night, talk about that night, and acknowledge that it even happened.

Sometimes, he’d bring two girls back to the apartment for a very long night of you wanting to kill yourself from the noises you’d hear. You don’t get it. You thought you two had something. Were you just a means to an end? Another girl to get into his bed even though you never did anything other than sleep? Another notch in his belt?

The only person you can find comfort in is your best friend and Bucky’s sister, Mia. She’s the only one who will hear you complain about him because everyone does it. All of her friends who have gotten involved with Bucky have complained to her about how he didn’t treat them right or they caught feelings but he tossed them aside like they meant nothing.

However, this time it’s different. It’s the way you talk about Bucky or the way she sees him with other girls that makes her think there is something more to this than meets the eye.

“He hasn’t said anything to you?” you ask and fiddle with your cappuccino.

“No, sorry, hun.”

“I should move out. I don’t know where I’d go.”

“I wish I could say you can stay with me. Ty and I just converted the spare bedroom into our home office.”

“I know. I appreciate the offer. I have a little money saved but I have to tough it out until I get enough to afford something small.”

“Ty’s sister is a real estate agent. I can give her your number and she can try and help you out.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’m still trying to figure things out.”

“Hey, can Ty and I borrow your car this weekend? Ours is in the shop and we planned a romantic weekend up north.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off the night before.”

“Thanks!”

You take a sip from your coffee and hear a motorcycle in the distance. You’d recognize that bike anywhere. Bucky pulls up near the cafe where you and Mia are and parks on the side of the road. He has a girl on the back of his bike that he no doubt met that day. Right in front of him is some fancy clothing store she wanted to go to. She gets off the bike, removes her helmet, and leaves him on the bike to go inside the store alone.

Bucky looks in your general direction but with his helmet on, it’s hard to determine exactly what he is looking at. Still, that doesn’t stop the glare you’re giving him.

“Just ignore him,” Mia says and pops a doughnut hole into her mouth.

“Easier said than done,” you mutter and look away from him. “That next morning, he acted like nothing happened. I figured he didn’t want to talk about it. Then a couple of days passed and he still didn’t mention it. Weeks went by and now I know he’s doing this to me on purpose. He’s being an ass.”

Bucky gets off his bike and takes off his helmet to get some fresh air, and he leans against the side of it effortlessly. If you were to do that, you’d surely knock the bike over. He waits for his fuck buddy to come out of the store, and she bounces over to him with a bag in hand. She wraps her arms around his neck and he pulls her in for a kiss.

It’s the kind of kiss that is meant for the bedroom but also the kind of kiss you want to show off to someone. You can’t be here anymore.

“I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

You get up and toss some bills onto the table for your drink and leave in the opposite direction of Bucky and his new toy.

Bucky pulls away from the girl and looks over to where you and Mia are. When he doesn’t see you, he looks around for you only to see your retreating figure. He feels like shit for doing that. He absentmindedly rubs the knuckles that hold small scars from when he beat Jackson up for what he did to you.

You take the entire day to walk around town and be by yourself, so when you get home it’s already dark. Bucky is in the kitchen cooking something when you put your keys in the bowl by the front door. You round the corner and see him cooking something with only a towel wrapped around his waist as if he just got out of the shower. However, there isn’t any water on his body.

“Grab it while it’s hot,” he says.

“Really? You’re cooking in a towel? You couldn’t have gotten dressed first?”

He opens his mouth to reply but someone speaks from his bedroom that interrupts him.

“Bucky, where are you? I’m getting lonely.”

Bucky doesn’t feel guilty that he has a girl over. He feels guilty that you caught him. He sees the heartbroken look in your eyes that makes him want to shoot himself.

“Thanks for the offer but I’m not hungry. I’m sleeping over at Mia’s tonight.”

He lets you walk away.

The weekend comes quicker than you’d like. Without a car, you’re stuck in the apartment, and you’re not about to ask Bucky for a ride on his motorcycle. You’re stuck in your room on your phone when you get a message from Mia.

Hey, I know you didn’t ask for this but I hooked you up with someone Ty knows. He’s super nice!

like a blind date?

Yeah. I can tell him you’re not interested. I figured this is your chance to get over my brother.

yeah, i can try. where is the date?

At the new bar that just opened next to the cafe. His name is Travis. I told him 7 tonight.

okay. thank you. i’ll let you know how it goes.

Seven is three hours away, so you better get ready now. After taking a shower, you look in your closet for something to wear and come across the dress you wore for your date with Jackson. You haven’t worn it since because of the memories attached to it. Not memories of Jackson, memories of Bucky. Next to that dress is Bucky’s leather jacket he told you to keep. Like the dress, you haven’t worn it since and you’re sure as hell not going to wear it now.

There is a floral print dress that goes down to your ankles. It’s off the shoulders with long sleeves down to your wrists that bunches so the sleeves look flowy instead of compressed. The entire dress is flowy and light, perfect for a blind date. The match, you have chunky white wedges that give you a few extra inches. You keep your makeup light, hair down in soft waves, and jewelry that compliments the dress.

You leave your room and look at Bucky’s closed door. He’s been spending a lot of time in his room this past week with girls he picks up from anywhere. The only reason you’re telling him where you’re going is because you live with him. If you don’t, he’ll send an army to go look for you. There are noises and giggling coming from inside the room but when you knock, they cease.

One minute later, the door opens a crack and Bucky stands there with messy hair and sweats on.

“I’m going out. Don’t wait up for me.”

Bucky takes a moment to look at the outfit you’ve chosen and his demeanour changes immediately.

“Where are you going?”

“I have a date.”

“You don’t have a car.”

“I’ll Uber. Have fun with your girlfriend.”

You leave before he has a chance to say anything else. It takes the Uber ten minutes to get to you and another thirty minutes to get to the restaurant. Mia sent you a picture of what the man looks like but it was grainy and unclear. You step out with your phone in hand while looking around for Travis.

“Y/N?”

You turn to see an attractive man wearing a nice suit. You look at the picture once more to confirm it’s Travis, which it is.

“You must be Travis,” you chuckle nervously.

“Yeah. Wow, Mia sent me your picture but nothing compares to real life. You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you blush.

“I made us a reservation. Shall we go inside?”

“After you.”

You two walk inside, get your table, order, and start chatting about your lives. Travis is a bit boring when it comes to having adventures. Unlike you. You can write a book about the adventures you’ve been on because you have Bucky as a roommate. When he’s not fucking some random girl, he’s actually pretty cool to hang out with. You two have been everywhere in town doing all sorts of things.

“So, what do you do for work?” Travis asks and sips his drink.

“Uh, I am an IT specialist who works from home. I get calls daily on how to fix computers and other tech-related stuff. It pays well and I get to stay home, so that’s a bonus.”

“That’s awesome. I’m terrible when it comes to computers.”

“What do you do?”

“I am a financial manager. Like you, it pays well but I’m stuck in meetings and in the office all the time.”

“Have you always wanted to work in the financial world?”

The waitress comes by with your food and sets the plates in front of you and Travis. You think she’s going to walk away and you can continue your conversation with Travis, but that’s not what happens.

“Am I supposed to be impressed with this?” he asks angrily.

“Excuse me?” the waitress stutters.

“I don’t even have to touch this to know it’s cold. Do I have to go back there and tell you how to do your damn job?” 

Your mouth opens in embarrassment and shock.

“I’m sorry, sir. I’ll take this back right now and have it fixed.”

The waitress grabs the plate without looking at you and leaves immediately. Poor thing looks like she is going to cry. Travis shakes his head and turns back to you as if this never happened.

“So, anyway, I went to business school and all that, but it’s nice to get out of the office every once in a while, you know?”

You have no idea what to say. Mistreating waitstaff is an immediate turn off. Everything attractive about this man suddenly turns sour. You’re lucky you saw this early on instead of at the end of the date.

“I’m sorry, I have to use the ladies room. I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, sure.”

You take everything you own with you because you’re not coming back to this table. You make it seem like you’re going to the bathroom in case he’s watching but once your table is out of sight, you find the first waitress you see which so happens to be yours.

“Hey, I am so sorry about the way he spoke to you like that. I don’t even know him. My best friend set me up. Listen, I gotta get out of here but the table we’re at is by the door. Is there a back entrance I can use?”

“Yeah, I got you. He gave me the ick as soon as I saw him,” she shutters. “Follow me.” She takes you through the kitchen and the back door that they use when they go on breaks. “Good luck.”

“Oh, and don’t be afraid to spit in his food.”

“Trust me, the cook’s all over it.”

You walk through the small alley next to the bar to the main street. You take out your phone to call an Uber, but luck has it so that you don’t have any service. You try moving the phone around, even walking down to the street light, but nothing comes up.

“Damn it,” you mutter.

You can’t call Mia. You can’t use your car because she has it. The only person you know is Bucky. Should you call him? He’s probably frolicking with that woman still. Even if you were to call him, he’d probably hate you for ruining his date. The only other option is to walk home even though it took thirty minutes to get here by car.

The road stretches through the mountain briefly which you don’t want to walk through but what else are you gonna do? If you can’t get service in a busy restaurant area, there is no way you’re gonna get service in the mountains. The walk gives you time to think about your life. You have a good job that pays well but you can’t keep living with Bucky if it means seeing him with all these women. You have a major thing for him and it kills you to know you’re not the one he’s going home with.

Ten minutes go by until you hear the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle. It races past you without a second thought, screeches to a stop, turns around, and slowly creeps up behind you. You don’t have to see who it is to know who it is. Bucky pulls up next to you and walks the bike to keep up with your pace.

“Get on the bike.”

“No, I’ll walk. Thanks.”

“Don’t be difficult, Y/N. Get on the bike.”

“How the hell did you even find me?”

“I asked Mia. She told me the guy you were on a date with. I looked him up, and he posted to his Facebook about how his date ditched him, and all women are beneath him. He’s a fucking loser. I mean, he still uses Facebook,” he chuckles. “I figured you were out here somewhere.”

“Stop stalking me,” you roll your eyes. “I’ll meet you at home.”

“Get on the damn bike.”

“No!” Bucky revs his engine and surges forward, parking right in front of you to prevent you from going further. You try to go around him but he moves his bike in your path. “Why the hell do you care about me? You’ve proven I mean nothing to you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asks and gets off his bike.

“You fucking know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, then you’re not worth my time.” You try pushing past him to continue your walk but he grabs your arm to prevent you from doing so. You quickly turn and slap his face. The shock is enough for him to let go of you. “Don’t fucking touch me. The last time you touched me, you left and never spoke of it again. Just go, please. You have a girl waiting for you at home. Just go to her.”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?!”

“Because she’s not you!” he yells loudly.

“Do better,” you scoff.

“Fuck,” he mumbles to himself. “I love you!” You pause to take in the information. “I can’t get you out of my fucking head. I’ve been trying all month to get you out of my head. None of the girls I’ve brought home have ever stuck because they’re not you. Being with you that one night has been better than anything I’ve done all fucking month.”

“Then why did you let me walk away?” you ask in a heartbreaking tone.

“Because I’m an idiot. Because you’re the realest thing I’ve ever had, and I didn’t want to fuck it up.”

Silence befalls the two of you, and you look around the desolate road.

“So, what are you gonna do about it?”

More silence. Bucky takes three big steps to get to you, grabs your waist with one hand, slides his other into your hair, and kisses you like he was supposed to a month ago. His lips fit so perfectly against your own like they belong there. You’ve pictured this moment in so many different ways, but this is not on your list.

“Are we really doing this?” you ask when he pulls away.

“Do you want to?” You nod with a smile. “You’re my girl now.”

“No more other women.”

“I’ve got the one I want.”

He leans down and kisses you again, this time, making your head soar to new places.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[dollcherray]

ㅤㅤㅤ𖣂 POISON TREE 𖣂

ᛝྀི Scout & Medic with a reader who attempted.

₊⊹ Notes: Is this self indulgence? yes, i wanted to start again by writing something about what i'm personally going through so i can just try and comfort myself, I'll go back to requests in a bit. Tw: Suicide topics and reader also has depression, reader is gender neutral.

𓏲 ๋࣭  ࣪ ˖ Type: Platonic/romantic, angst/comfort, headcanons.

꩜.ᐟ Song: Poison tree

۶ৎ SCOUT ۶ৎ

𖣂 he's very worried.

𖣂 You two were really close, he knew you were always the kind to not always be optimistic and all... but i don't really think he would actually realize you have depression at first, even if you showed all the obvious signs.

𖣂 Scout only knew when you actually attempted and didn't really go as you expected, the moment that he found out you attempted to take your own life was the final blow for him to actually put the pieces together.

𖣂 and believe me when i say he's worried, for starters: he was one of the firsts to go see you in medic's room, Scout will unknowingly bombard you with questions like, why did you do it? why didn't you talk to him? and etc, but i promise you that he's just very worried and doesn't really know how to deal with things like these.

𖣂 After all this overwhelming worry goes away, reality will finally start to hit him, the fact that you actually tried to kill yourself saddened him to no end, he started to build some kind of guilt in his mind, he thinks that he was such a bad friend for not noticing you felt that way, he honestly thinks that he should've tried to at least check on you.

𖣂 After you get out of the hospital be prepared, this man is going to absolutely check up on you every 5 minutes, always asking if your okay and if you stay in your room for more than 3 hours, Scout will be barging in absolute terror, he does NOT want to have to see you in such deprecating state again.

𖣂 If you ever need to talk, he'll be there, doesn't matter what he's doing, you just slightly cogitate on needing someone and he'll be all up on your face like "what's up, talk to me", while he may not be the best on comforting people on this topic, he'll try his best for you.

𖣂 If you're having one of these times where you don't have any energy for anything, that's okay!!! Scout will try to take care of it if you wish!! if not he can stay by your side while you're having one of these episodes.

𖣂 Overall just really worried about you or your mental health </3

₊⊹ MEDIC

𖣂 Fuck?

𖣂 He's perplexed, just like Scout, comfort is something he's not used to, i mean yeah sure, he's a medic he's dealt with that before, but not with someone that's close to him, that's the difference between him and Scout, and that he absolutely SUCKS at comforting someone, but he's trying at least!!!

𖣂 Obviously he was the first to find you and holy shit he was taken back, its a very panicking scenario to see your closest one to you literally on the bridge of death.

𖣂 When you woke up in his room it was absolutely awkward, because of his lack of experience on events like these he would just be staring at you as if he's trying to figure out what to say.

𖣂 But seriously, Medic actually panicked when he saw you almost dead on your room, this man is already fucked up mentality and that did not help him at all, he even messed up when he went to treat you, almost killing you in the process.

𖣂 Although he's still a medic and he will give you meds for your mental problems if needed, he'll just be oddly quiet about it or just... awkward in general, like i said, comfort must be a real foreign topic for him so he's just trying his best to not say something out of pocket.

𖣂 I think he'll actually try to help you not with words but with acts, with things like doing some chores for you or doing anything you ask, its easier for him to express his support and love for you like this since he's not that specialized with verbal comfort.

𖣂 But if you need to talk or anything, he'll try to push aside this "nervousness" of his and actually try to give you some advice and what not, it may not appear but he is really worried about the events and definitely does not wanna go through that again.

𖣂 Don't even try to hide your emotions from him, Medic will find out eventually, especially since he's totally "alerted" about how you're doing now, so even if you successfully hide what your feeling from him, he'll eventually know you're lying, so don't even.

𖣂 awkward but he tries for you <3

[ro-is-struggling]

Drunken Confessions || Sirius Black x Reader {Marauders Era}

Summary: You and Sirius always had feelings for each other but you kept it a secret because you two didn't get along. That is until you start dating an exchange student from Ilvermorny. Sirius can't stand seeing you two together all the time so one day he decides he's had enough and confesses his feelings to you under the influence of alcohol.

Warnings: angst (with happy ending), slow burn, unrequited love (but actually mutual pining), kinda enemies to lovers, cheating I guess (the reader is in love with Sirius while dating another guy), mentions of Snape being a jerk to the reader and Lily for being muggleborns, mentions of Jily, Modern AU (so they can have phones to make the prompt make sense), love confessions, fluff, Fem!Gryffindor!Reader

English is not my first language

Word count: 6500

Notes: Basen on a request with the prompt 7 from my 600 Followers Celebration Prompt List

Sirius was watching you from his place at the Gryffindor table lost in thought. You were with him again. Ever since the Ilvermorny exchange students had arrived you hadn't left the side of this Ben guy and he couldn't take it anymore. Everywhere you went he was by your side, holding your hand, carrying your books, lending you his jacket when you got cold... doing all the things he wanted to do for you.

He knew that was impossible, you hated him and barely spoke to him in class, but his dreams didn't hurt anyone. Sirius knew you were polar opposites. You were introverted, quiet, rule-abiding, and popular for your kindness and general cheerfulness, the exact opposite of all the things his name was known for at school. You had never gotten along very well for those reasons, you always saw him as an incompetent buffoon —and you being friends with Snape didn't help his case—, but he had a crush on you from the first moment he saw you. And as much as he knew that a relationship between you was as likely to happen as Snape becoming funny, Sirius couldn't help but feel his insides bubbling with jealousy every time this Ben guy touched you. 

From what Sirius had heard, he was an old friend of yours who you hadn't seen for years after he moved back to America with his family. You were thrilled to have the opportunity to spend time with him after so long and it showed in the amount of time you spent together. Sirius could swear that there wasn't a moment of the day when he looked at you and Ben wasn't standing next to you. But no matter how much you insisted that you were just friends, he knew that was a lie. There was more than friendship in your eyes when you looked at each other and he hated it. 

He hated it because it meant he truly didn't have a chance with you. You weren't someone who enjoyed casual dating, so if you were in a relationship with Ben like he assumed that meant you really loved him. You were in love with Ben and Sirius could do nothing but admire your happiness from a distance while the bitterness of loneliness consumed his insides.

Of course he was never really alone, but none of the girls he dated from time to time compared to you. You were something special, a girl of singular beauty, the calm his troubled soul so desperately needed. But you were unobtainable for someone like him, so he had to learn to live with the knowledge that he could never hold your hand or feel your lips on his, something that became more difficult when he saw you walking through the halls of Hogwarts with Ben, knowing that he had everything he longed for. Sometimes Sirius wished he had never met you, he was sure that would be easier than forgetting you. 

"Are you ready, Black?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, forcing him back to reality. At some point you had approached him without him even noticing, looking at him with a raised eyebrow as you waited for him to react. He saw that you were carrying your potions book, holding it tightly against your chest, and then remembered that you had agreed to get together after class to work on a project you had been assigned - he still couldn't believe how unlucky he was to end up paired with you of all people. 

"Yeah, let's go" he muttered without paying much attention to his surroundings, getting up from the table and leaving his half-eaten plate of food behind.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, though it wasn't too hot thanks to the gentle breeze rustling the treetops. You wanted to take advantage of the nice weather, so you suggested going to the courtyard to work. Sirius agreed, thinking that the fresh air would help him stay calm by not being locked in a room with the sweet scent of your perfume attacking his nostrils. 

The potion you had to brew for Friday's class was a bit more complicated than you both expected. It had a long list of steps and instructions that had to be strictly followed for the final preparation to be perfect —like cutting the ingredients in a specific way and adding them at a specific time. It took you several attempts to come up with a potion that was decent even though you two were top Gryffindor students. And even after spending all afternoon working on it, you still weren't finished. There were still a couple of things to do before you could let the concoction rest for 24 hours as the recipe indicated and the sun was starting to set.

"It's getting late," you muttered as you threw some herbs into the mixture. Sirius was stirring the cauldron with a blank stare, lost in thought. It was something you noticed him doing a lot lately. You wondered what it was that could have him so distracted, though you couldn't bring yourself to ask him. You weren't the kind of people who talked without ending up fighting. "Do you think we'll ever finish this thing?" you joked to lighten the mood.

"Slughorn better give us a good grade after this."Sirius let out a chuckle, looking up to meet your gaze. 

"I hope so! Or I'll force it down his throat myself."

"I'll hold him down for you," he laughed, sparking a warm feeling inside you. You liked his laughter and knowing that you were the cause of it gave you a strange sense of pride. Not everyone could make the class clown laugh.

"I miss when Severus did all the work for me," you complained, grabbing the next ingredient for the potion. You, Lily and him used to do all the projects you could together, especially the potions ones. Severus was very good at the subject and far too controlling so most of the time he ended up doing everything himself because he couldn't stand it if you got something wrong. You didn't mind though, you liked learning through him, he was kind of grumpy but he was a good teacher when he wanted to be.

"Is it really bad between you, huh?" Sirius spoke in a soft tone, as if he was genuinely concerned about the big fight you'd had with one of your best friends. You were surprised by his interest given that he was the #1 Snape hater. You expected a sarcastic comment from him or a mocking remark, but instead he seemed genuinely interested in hearing you talk about your problems. It was kind of weird, you guys didn't usually share those kinds of moments, but you decided to give him a chance.

"Yeah, Lily and I are pretty sad about it, but we couldn't keep pretending... Severus changed, he's not the same guy I met on the train five years ago" you murmured, your voice muffled by sadness. It was hard to lose a friend and even harder to lose one the way you and Lily had lost Severus. The way he had treated you, the names he had called you, no friend would ever be able to be so cruel. "Or maybe he's more himself, I don't know anymore... I feel like I don't know him anymore. Maybe I never did."

Sirius felt pure hatred coursing through his veins as he saw the sadness in your eyes. He wanted to kill Snape for daring to make you suffer by calling you that derogatory word. He always knew Snivellus was an idiot, but he had outdone himself by hurting you and Lily like that. You were two of the sweetest, kindest people he had ever met and Snape had been lucky enough to call you his friends. Sirius couldn't believe how he had been such an idiot to lose you two when you were the best thing that had ever happened to him in his miserable, boring life. He would regret that for the rest of his days, Sirius was sure of it.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said with sincerity in his voice. The hand that wasn't stirring the cauldron hovered over yours for a few seconds, trying to decide whether it was appropriate to touch you or not. 

You weren't friends so physical contact was a rare thing for you. You didn't even hug occasionally to celebrate Gryffindor's victory in a Quidditch match —in fact, you were lucky if you talked for more than five minutes without arguing—, so he wasn't sure how you would react. But on second thought, you also didn't share intimate moments like this one, filled with meaningful words about your feelings, so he decided to give it a shot.

You looked up to stare at him when you felt the warmth of his hand on yours. The contact awakened a wave of electricity in your body, the skin on your hand tingling under his touch. It was something you had never felt before and it did nothing but raise doubts and confusion in your mind. 

"I mean, I know Snape and I have our differences and I don't like him, but still I'm sorry about what happened. He was your friend and it sucks that everything ended this way." You were surprised by the kindness in Sirius' voice. He sounded genuinely sorry for what had happened and not at all smug at being the one who had warned you of his bad side all these years. Was this a sign that he was finally maturing? 

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," you sighed, shrugging. "But you're not the one that should be apologizing. I mean, you warned me about him, I just... I couldn't see it. I didn't want to see it. It kinda sucks to learn that your friend hates you for being born, I guess."

"You shouldn't listen to him. Having Lily and you as friends was the best thing that could have happened to him and he's a fucking idiot for not seeing that." Sirius tightened his grip on your hand as a sign of support and you smiled at him, feeling the warmth invade your insides once more. It was a comfortable warmth, a feeling that made you feel safe.

"You're a brilliant witch and you should never let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Thank you, Sirius. I kinda needed to hear that." After all you had been through —having to listen to someone so close to you belittle you for being a Muggle-born wizard— you had fallen into the trap of doubting your abilities. But hearing a wizard as talented as Sirius praise you like that made you feel better. "Look at us! Who would have thought that we were capable of having a normal conversation?" you laughed and he followed suit.

"It's what I've been trying to tell you all these years!" You shared a laugh that felt all too genuine. For the first time since you had known each other you were having a good time together. However, the fun was interrupted by Ben's voice calling your name in the distance.

“There you are! I've been looking for you all day,” he said with an innocent smile. You removed your hand from under Sirius' quickly, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by either boy. 

"I'm sorry! We're doing our potions homework and it is taking a bit longer than we thought it would" you explained to Ben, suddenly nervous. You had nothing to hide, you and Sirius were just doing your homework, so why was your stomach turning with nervousness? "We're almost done with the first part, so you can stay with us if you want" you offered. Ben was about to sit down with you, when Sirius' voice interrupted him.

"There's no need, I can finish the rest by myself," he assured you, trying hard to hide the bitterness in his voice. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to share space with Ben. You'd had such a nice evening, he'd rather take that and not have to put up with your public displays of affection. 

"Are you sure? I can help you. I mean, I want to. It's our project." You found it strange the way Sirius suddenly seemed to want to get rid of you. You thought you were having a good time together.

"Yes it's fine! Go have fun and I'll see you tomorrow after class to finish it."

You wanted to say something, to insist on staying to help him, but he seemed very determined to finish the first part of the preparation alone so you just nodded. You rose from your place and waved him goodbye, agreeing on a time to meet tomorrow before taking Ben's hand and walking towards the castle. As you walked away you couldn't help but wonder if you had done something wrong to make him angry. Though what stood out the most to you was how much his rejection seemed to affect you.

The potions class the next day only stirred up more confusion within you, not because of the project - Professor Slughorn told you that you were on the right track when you showed him the state of your potion - but because of your feelings for Sirius. Among other potions of advanced difficulty, Professor Slughorn introduced the class to Amortentia, the most powerful love potion in existence. Everyone crowded around the professor's desk where the cauldron of steaming liquid rested, desperate to smell the steam rising in spirals and discover the scent of love. All except Lily and you, who stayed at the back of the room and only approached when the rest of the class began to disperse. 

There was something about the promise of discovering smells that attracted you even if you didn't know it that terrified you. You both knew very well what you might encounter because no matter how hard you tried to hide it, the feelings were there, but you didn't want to be confronted with the obvious confirmation that the scent of Amortentia would provide. If it were up to you, you would never have gone near that cauldron, but Professor Slughorn invited you when he saw that you were not moving and you could not refuse. So, letting out a sigh, you approached the desk and reluctantly smelled the potion.

The first aroma that attacked your nostrils was that of freshly brewed coffee, the only thing that could get you out of bed on cold mornings. Then the coffee morphed into the smell of parchment and old books that flooded the school library, where you spent most of your afternoons doing your homework. It was a scent you had come to love as you associated it with Hogwarts and the wonders of the magical world, a place that had become your second home and that you missed like crazy during the school breaks. 

You were happy with your experience with Amortentia, letting out a sigh of relief as you discovered that it evoked familiar and harmless smells for you, things you already knew you found pleasant. But just as you were walking away from the cauldron, the third smell attacked you. And this time it wasn't as harmless as the others. Far from it, it turned your world upside down.

You wished it was Ben's cologne or even the smell of his shampoo, anything to reassure you that you were doing the right thing by dating him. But the strong smell of musk and cigarettes that assaulted your nose was a loud and clear message: it was Sirius that your heart truly desired.

Lily looked just as horrified as you did when you returned to your seats, and despite the fact that neither of you mentioned the Amortentia for the rest of the day, you didn't have to talk about it to know what had happened. You knew each other well enough to know that the damn potion had only confirmed your greatest fears: you were in love with Sirius and she was in love with James.

Your mood was ruined after that potions class, your mind too preoccupied with finding another explanation for smelling Sirius' very essence in the Amortentia to concentrate on anything else. There was no way you could accept that you were in love with him. No. There had to be another explanation. You couldn't be in love with him. He was arrogant and annoying, always thinking he was smarter and funnier than he actually was. He was the complete opposite of you and there was no way you could be in love with him. Not when you had a kind and wonderful guy who loved and respected you by your side.

Ben was your friend, someone you had shared beautiful moments with. He understood you better than anyone and even though you hadn't seen each other for a couple of years, he hadn't changed at all. You had a special bond that had not faded with the passage of time. You two together made sense. He was probably the most appropriate guy for you in all of Hogwarts. So why couldn't you love him like he loved you?

When you met Sirius at the agreed time and place you immediately noticed that the atmosphere was different from the previous day. Yesterday you had managed to create a pleasant working environment and even ended up sharing an intimate and meaningful moment that you would never have expected to have with him. But today there was nothing but tension in the air as you sat next to him, pulling your potions book out of your backpack to read the recipe for the thousandth time. You both seemed to be in a bad mood and the fact that your phone was ringing every five minutes with messages from Ben didn't help. 

"What's wrong with lover boy today? Can't he see that you're busy?" There was something about the annoyed, sarcastic tone in which Sirius said that that you didn't like. Maybe it was your bad mood exaggerating things, but he had no right to speak to you in that tone. 

"We're going on a date to Hogsmeade today and he's just making sure I remember it, that's all." you said through gritted teeth, thinking you didn't have to explain anything to him. 

"He sent you like a thousand texts already, does he think you're dumb or something?" Sirius couldn't explain what had gotten into him either. He assumed he still hadn't recovered from watching you leave with your boyfriend yesterday while he stayed behind. Having smelled your perfume on the Amortentia didn't help him either, especially since you kept reminding him that you weren't his and never would be. 

"No, he just misses me," you replied reluctantly, rolling your eyes.

You decided not to speak anymore after that in order to keep the peace between you, limiting yourself to opening your mouth only to talk about the potion you were brewing. However, you were both in such a bad mood that you ended up arguing about that as well, further delaying the process and damning yourselves to spend more time together. 

"Do you mind finishing it alone? It's getting late and I have to go get ready." you asked when you saw how late it was getting. You had less than half an hour to get ready for your date and meet the rest of the students going to Hogsmeade or you would miss the trip altogether.

"Actually, I do. This is your project too and I'm not going to do this all by myself." Sirius knew he was being irrational, looking for excuses to force you to stay with him. He didn't care that you were fighting as long as it meant you wouldn't go on your date with Ben. He was being selfish and he wasn't proud of it, but jealousy was getting the better of him.

"What?" The question sounded more like an exclamation of surprise, looking at Sirius with narrowed eyes as you tried to find some indication on his face that he was joking. When you found none, you let out a sigh of disbelief. Yesterday he hadn't hesitated to kick you out and now he was complaining about working alone? It didn't make any sense.

"What the hell is your problem today? Why are you acting like a jerk all of a sudden?"

"I have a problem?" Sirius laughed sarcastically. "And what about your little boyfriend? He's the one who can't seem to leave you alone for five minutes." It was obvious what Sirius' problem was at this point, but you were too annoyed to notice the jealousy in his voice.

"What does he have to do with anything?" Confusion was written all over your face, anger evident in your stiff posture and your arms crossed over your chest. What was his fucking problem?

"Nothing, he's a saint. He never does anything wrong" he muttered between his teeth, as if he was speaking more to himself than to you. But despite his low tone of voice, you heard him with perfect clarity.

"Why do you care so much about him?" You were tired of beating around the bush, you needed answers. You needed to hear him say what he really thought. You needed to know if behind his teasing and sarcastic remarks hid at least a hint of jealousy —if you weren't the only one who felt something.

Your eyes begged him for an honest answer, but Sirius didn't have the courage - or the composure - he needed to give it to you at that moment. "I don't care about him or you," he said instead. "You know what? Go with him, don't keep him waiting. I'll finish this later." 

Without another word, Sirius got up and gathered his things from the table, disappearing behind the door in a matter of seconds. You watched him walk away not knowing what to do or say, feeling the lump in your throat tighten to the point where you found it hard to breathe. 

He didn't care about you.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Ben asked you after spending the last five minutes talking without an answer from you. It was obvious something was wrong with you, you had been distracted since you left the castle.

"What?" Looking up from the teacup in front of you, you met your boyfriend's worried gaze and your heart broke a little more. Why did everything have to be so complicated? You were in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, the most romantic place in Hogsmeade accompanied by the most wonderful guy in the world and your mind was still thinking about Sirius. "Oh, nothing. I'm a little tired, that's all." You put on a smile, but Ben knew you too well to notice that it wasn't genuine. 

"C'mon! Something is bothering you, what is it?" he insisted and you answered his question immediately, not with words, but with your eyes.

Just as Ben stretched his hand across the table to rest it on yours, your eyes wandered to the store window. Among the people walking through the streets of Hogsmeade you were able to make out Sirius, who was walking by while holding hands with a Hufflepuff girl. Your expression changed immediately, sadness evident in your eyes as you made eye contact with the guy who didn't seem to want to leave your thoughts. He looked at you as he crossed the street, his eyes traveling to where your hand joined Ben's on the table. And then his eyes shifted to the girl laughing next to him, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek as they walked past you.

"It's him, isn't it?" Ben's voice managed to get your attention again and you turned to look at him. He knew, you could see it in his eyes. He knew your little secret.

“Huh?”

“Sirius. He’s the one you want.” The certainty in his voice made you feel like the worst human being in the history of mankind. He was sure of what he was saying, he had no doubt that he wasn't the one you really loved. 

"What? No! Sirius and I aren't even friends." You didn't know why you were lying, you knew Ben had figured you out. You supposed it was because you refused to admit your true feelings out loud. Saying it made it real, it stopped being a bunch of doubts and guesses that haunted your mind late at night and became the cruel and painful reality. You were not ready for that. "I have you, why would I want to be with anyone else?"

"I see the way you look at him when you think nobody is watching you." Ben stated and the smile on your face vanished. "If he's the one you truly want, then you should be with him."

"A relationship between us would never work, we are not compatible." You tried to sound casual, to hide your feelings in a joke, but your voice came out sour, revealing the truth of your heart. "I'm with you now! And you are infinitely better to me than he is. We actually get along."

"Maybe, but you don't love me like you love him." Ben was calm, too calm for anyone in the position he was in. He didn't sound angry or devastated. It was as if he'd had time to process the situation, as if he'd surrendered to the reality that confronted him every time you looked at Sirius a long time ago. He had already mourned your relationship and you wondered how long he had known about your true feelings —certainly longer than you had known yourself. 

"Ben, I-" you tried to speak, feeling the burn of tears building up in your eyes, but he interrupted you. 

"I get it, Y/N. It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault. We can't choose who we fall in love with... and I can't force you to love me."

"But I do love you, Ben."

"I know you do, but not like I love you." The calm in his voice destroyed you. No matter how hard it was for you to admit it, he was right. You loved him, but as a friend. All this time you had tried so hard to make that change, trying to force your heart to forget Sirius, but it was simply impossible. And in the process you had ended up hurting one of the most important people in your life.

“And that’s fine, I’m not mad at you for not loving me.” Ben continued, giving you a small smile that did little to ease the pain in your heart. You were a horrible person and honestly he deserved someone better than you. "But I need you to be honest with me, because I value our friendship and I don't want to lose it too. So if you love him then say it and we'll break up right now. Maybe that way we can save our friendship."

You didn't see the point in continuing to lie. It was more than clear that you loved Ben very much, but your heart belonged to someone else. Continuing to deny it would only hurt you and him more and that was the last thing you wanted. Your deceptions had done enough damage, you didn't want to lose the beautiful bond that held you together - though there was no doubt that it wouldn't be the same after this.

"I'm sorry," you whispered in a broken voice as a couple of tears escaped your eyes. "I never meant for any of this to happen, I-"

"It's okay. Like I said, it's nobody's fault." Ben comforted you, taking your hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. It was ironic that he was the one making you feel better when you had been the one to hurt him, but your mind was so full of conflicting thoughts and feelings that you weren't able to realize at the time how terrible it was.  "Now, what do you say we get out of here? I'll buy you anything you want from Honeydukes."

The Hufflepuff party was exactly what Sirius needed at that moment. Loud music and lots of alcohol were the perfect combination to take his mind off you, at least for a few hours. He gave into the euphoria of the moment, losing himself in Amy's lips as they danced. It worked wonders for a while, but the more intoxicated he became, the harder it was for him to control his mind, which kept imagining that it was your hands caressing his body, your lips kissing him desperately, your hips grinding against his to the rhythm of the music, and not Amy’s. 

It became obvious that there was nothing he could do to get you out of his mind, so Sirius came up with a dumb excuse for Amy and disappeared into the sea of people before she could say a word back to him. He stumbled his way back to his dorm, cursing himself for drinking so much. Luckily he didn't run into anyone in the halls and was able to get to his bed in one piece. The room was empty since his friends were still at the party, so he had the privacy he needed to sink into his misery.

Why couldn't he be the one holding your hand while you enjoyed a date at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop? Sirius hated that place, it was too cheesy for him, but he hated even more to see you there with another guy. He should be the one taking you on dates around Hogsmeade and buying you gifts. He wanted to walk hand in hand with you and carry your books through the halls of the school. He wanted to be yours and for you to be his, why was that so hard? 

He should have said it a long time ago, maybe if he had been honest in the past his present would be different. Maybe he would be the one you would be texting every five minutes and not that idiot Ben.

Then an idea popped into his mind. It was a terrible one, but his brain was too intoxicated to realize what he was about to do. He fumbled in the dark for his phone, which was forgotten among the mess of sheets he called a bed. The brightness of the screen blinded him for a moment, hurting his sensitive eyes, but he managed to find your name in his contacts despite the difficulties.

'You up?' Typing that message took him longer than it should have, but he didn't care. He was determined to fix his mistakes and there was nothing that could make him change his mind. 

He waited a few minutes for a reply, but it never came. He figured that was normal since it was late at night. You weren't a party girl, so you were probably already asleep. However, Sirius didn't let that discourage him, opting to leave you a voicemail instead.

"I know you're probably sleeping right now, but I can't wait any longer to tell you this..." he began, pausing for a long moment as he tried to organize his thoughts. "I lied, I do care about you... I care about you and Ben being together cause... cause I should be in his place. I like you, Y/N, a lot actually, and seeing you with him is torture. And I know you're happy with him and that he's better than me, but... I just... I wish I was the one you loved, cause I love you and I'm tired of hiding it. I love you and I wish things could be different between us." 

Sirius sent the message before his brain recovered from his drinking enough to make him change his mind. It felt good to finally let go of years of pent up feelings, he felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. In the state he was in he wasn't able to realize what a mess his confession could create, so he rolled over in bed and in a matter of minutes he was asleep, safe in the calm that ignorance gave him.

Sirius' deep, raspy voice was the first thing you heard on the cloudy Saturday morning. You were the last of all your roommates to wake up, probably because you spent the night tossing and turning in bed as you reviewed the events of the day. You didn't feel like leaving the bed yet, so you curled up between the sheets and grabbed your phone to distract your mind. 

As you turned on the device's screen Sirius' name flashed among the notifications. Talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do at that moment, but curiosity got the better of you when you saw the time he had texted you. His voice was slow and low, almost a hoarse whisper. The way he slurred his words as he spoke told you he was drunk, although all those details stopped mattering to you when you heard the content of his message. 

He loved you?

You sat on your bed in complete shock for a couple of minutes, your eyes glued to the wall as you replayed his message over and over again to make sure it wasn't some kind of hyper-realistic hallucination. 

He loved you.

You were just beginning to lighten up at the thought of your feelings being reciprocated when a small detail dawned on you: Sirius was drunk. He had sent you that message when he was under the influence of alcohol. He wasn't himself and therefore you couldn't trust his words. 

But this time instead of sitting around assuming things, you decided to do something about it. You needed to know if his words were real, if he truly felt for you all he claimed in his message.

You were dressed and down the stairs in less than five minutes, focused on finding Sirius. You scanned the entire common room with your eyes, looking for his long brown hair and leather jacket among the crowd of students lounging on couches or doing homework at desks, getting as much work done as they could before exams. He was nowhere to be seen, but your eyes did meet his friends gathered at the side, chatting and laughing as they always did.

"Hey! I'm looking for Sirius, do you guys have any idea of where he might be?" you asked them as you approached them, shamelessly interrupting their conversation. There was a moment of silence where they all shared a look before James gave you the answer you were looking for.

"He's in bed with the worst hangover of his life," he said. "Why...?" James tried to find out what it was you wanted with his friend, but you disappeared up the stairs before he could finish the sentence.

You made your way to his bedroom without a second thought. You had been there a couple of times in the past so you knew the way. This time was different from the others though. On the previous occasions you were accompanied by Lily and you were usually there to complain about something James and Sirius had done. But this time you weren't there to fight with him like a couple of immature children. You were looking for him to discuss whatever it was that you had going on, so normally the nerves were slowly taking over your system. Still, you tried to keep them from affecting your mind, confidently knocking on his bedroom door to hide the fact that your heart was beating with a pace that was probably unhealthy. 

"Is it true?" was the first thing you said to him when Sirius opened the door. He looked like he was just getting up, his long hair tangled and his eyes narrowed as if the light was bothering him. 

It took Sirius a few seconds to comprehend what you were saying, struggling to remember the events of the night before. The throbbing pain in his head had improved, but that still didn't help him regain his memory. Everything was a confusing haze of images that passed too quickly. The harder he tried to remember, the more the details slipped away, as if they were a dream that was lost in his subconscious the moment he woke up.

But then his own voice echoed in his mind.

'I love you and I wish things could be different between us.'

"Oh," he murmured as the realization hit him. "You got my message, huh?" he added, stepping aside to let you into the room. The conversation that would follow was not one to be had in the hallway.

"That's it?" you said, watching as he sat back down on his bed. "That's all that you're going to say?"

"What more do you want me to say?" Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair. "That I pictured our lives together a thousand times? That the sound of your laugh makes my heart race? That there's no other girl I want to be with?" he said, getting up once more to approach you. He raised his voice, but he didn't sound angry, just... frustrated. "What difference would that make? You're with him now, so it's too late." He turned his back to you since it was difficult for him to maintain eye contact with you while exposing his feelings. He hated feeling vulnerable, but there was no point in lying anymore.

"Not anymore." Your voice was low, almost a whisper, but loud enough for Sirius to hear you.

"What?" He turned, looking at you with eyes full of confusion and illusion. 

"We broke up yesterday... he knew even before I did that my heart belonged to someone else... to the only guy I swore I wasn't gonna fall for." You let out a quiet laugh, finding the irony of the situation amusing. 

"Wait, are you saying that...?" Sirius spoke cautiously, a part of him refusing to believe what you were saying.

"I'm saying that you were the one I smell in the Amortentia." You interrupted him, confirming his doubts before he could even pronounce them. "It's you, it's always been you."

Sirius didn't waste another second, closing the distance between you and crashing his lips against yours. Fireworks exploded behind your eyes as you lost yourself in the kiss, feeling the warmth of Sirius' body envelop you completely. It didn't feel real. After denying your feelings for so long it was hard to believe you were finally kissing him, but there was no denying the electricity that coursed through your body, reassuring you that it wasn't just a dream. 

The world around you froze for an instant, all thoughts unrelated to Sirius disappeared from your mind as his lips caressed yours with desperation. It felt right, as if you were put into this world to be together. His lips connected with yours perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle that had taken you too long to put together. But it was finally happening, after all the comings and goings you had found each other and neither of you planned on letting the other go.

[hyuckbeam]

hit or miss

you’re given a bet by your own best friend to finally earn you some kissing experience at the ripe age of 18, but what if he’s the one you’ve been wanting to kiss all along?

pairing | bff!haechan x reader

genre | fluff, just a bit of angst

warnings | y/n uses she/her pronouns, both y/n and hyuck are dumdums! kind of slow burn, curse words are explicitly mentioned, cousin!winter, i think that’s all but lmk if i missed anything!

wc | 4.3k words

note | this is pretty inspired by the webtoon “the kiss bet” because i currently have a hyper fixation on it and i absolutely love all the characters ;0; this is also way longer than intended but anyways,, i hope u enjoy! all rbs and likes are appreciated, thank you <3

D-15.

“in three, two, one, happy birthday, y/n!” your best friend, haechan announces aloud for everyone in your apartment complex to hear at 12 in the morning.

“come on! make a wish before the candles blow out!” winter, your cousin, urges you with a big smile on her face.

having just finished your night time routine and prepared yourself for a night's worth of sleep, you were rather shocked to see them with one of those trendy bento cakes and rainbow colored party hats adorning their heads.

despite your confusion, you walk up towards them with a grateful smile resting upon your lips. “seriously, when did you guys plan this?”

“oh, it was all my- ow, hey!” haechan gets cut off midway through his statement because of a nudge from winter’s elbow.

“what he was trying to say was it was all my doing. you’re welcome bubs!” your cousin beams, eyes creasing into crescents. “though i’d wish you’d hurry up. this cake isn’t holding itself up for you, y’know?” she adds on rather playfully but you can tell she truly meant it.

gathering a deep breath, you blow out the candles and cheers erupt from the people you deem closest to you. winter then sets down the cake on your coffee table in relief as your best friend slings his arm over your shoulder.

“sooo y/n, got anything planned for the year? a small resolution or something like that, i don’t know.” he rambles off, suggesting the idea of having a goal to work towards now that you were deemed an adult (though, haechan kept referring to this as the year that marks your jail-ability era).

you feel a little tingly from his touch, even when you know the two of you are just friends and nothing more. what you’re feeling is probably just a phase. it’ll go away.

“i’m not really sure, got any ideas for me?” you ask the two instead, eyeing them both in a back and forth motion.

“we can always work on that dating experience of yours- last i remember, it was up to the high number count of… zero.” your cousin chips in from the side as she slices the cake for the three of you to share, her tone sarcastic while she teases you.

it’s true, you didn’t have a lot (re: any) of experience in the dating sector, but perhaps that could change starting this year. “that… might not be such a bad idea.”

haechan’s interest seems to have been piqued — he’s making that look. that specific expression where the corners of his lips turn upwards, a brow raised, and that glint in his eye. oh, you know it all too well.

“come on.” you urge the boy. “start sharing your idea. i can practically see your mind ready to explode.”

“well, since you’ve asked me ever so kindly. how ‘bout a bet?” he starts, taking a few steps towards you with that cocky expression of his. “i bet you 10 dollars to kiss someone in two months. not that hard, right?”

“what- you want me to kiss some random person for 10 bucks?” you gawk out in surprise.

he only shakes his head, “i never said it needed to be a stranger. just, someone in general.”

you processed the idea thoroughly, running all sorts of possible scenarios in your head. wouldn’t it be much easier to kiss… haechan himself? that just seemed like the most plausible approach for you.

he wasn't a stranger — the furthest from one. you were comfortable with him. the kiss didn’t have to mean anything (though it might mean a tiny bit more to you), and in addition, you’d be making some cash.

everything seemed to check out. the only problem was that you had to ask him to kiss you. still, surely this was better than any other alternative, right?

“i’ll do it but… can’t i just kiss you and get it over with?” you finally voice out your thoughts, pretending to make your question sound playful in case the request backfires on you.

“you’re my best friend, that’s a little odd, don’t you think so?” haechan replies in the same tone, lightly ruffling your hair before going over to retrieve a slice of cake from winter.

ouch. way to have your first bit of “dating experience” be your best friend… friend zoning you. what a lovely start to your 18th birthday.

D-13.

a few days had passed since the bet you made with haechan had been established, but not one ounce of progress had been made.

to be fair, how were you supposed to kiss someone else when all you’ve ever wanted was for that kiss to be with your best friend? that’s tough luck.

you attending classes today doesn’t really help with your thoughts either, especially when both haechan and winter had been asking about said progress one after the other.

you’d be lying if they weren’t starting to give you a headache.

as if on cue, winter approaches you, some lecture books in hand and her bag slung on her shoulder. “y/n! how’s your progress?” here we go again.

“just as i told you yesterday, nothing yet.” you reply with a small sigh.

winter senses the frustration behind your words, encouraging her to suggest ideas to help you. “how about finding someone you like? it might make it easier for you know… to kiss them.”

“i don’t think that’s still a good- actually, you might just be onto something, minjeong.” your gears start to churn in your mind. in order to wash haechan off your mind, you might as well find someone else and maybe get an actual relationship out of it.

the idea was just perfect for you.

“have i ever told you how much i love you? i gotta go but i’ll see you after class, winter!” you excitedly bid her a goodbye, rushing to your classroom so you could better plan out your new gameplan.

though the most ideal situation was long gone, you now had a back up plan and you weren’t going to back down so easily from the bet.

you were now busily scribbling on your notepad, forgetting that a new student was to transfer into your class today. the teacher calls upon your attention and as you look up, your eyes land on a boy with great resemblance to a cute bunny.

apparently he’s the new transfer student.

the teacher gives him a moment to introduce himself. “hello everyone, my name is na jaemin. i hope we all get along!” so that’s his name, you thought to yourself.

surprisingly, he was told to take the seat in front of yours, offering you a small smile and a curt wave, one that you gladly return, before he takes his seat.

actually, maybe you really could forget haechan for just a teensy bit.

D-6.

a week goes by without haechan seeing you once. an entire week. was he always this eager to see you? to bask in the warm sight that is you? he thinks he must be going crazy.

the only time he ever gets updates about you is through winter which aren’t much to go on. he does remember a key detail she mentioned previously about how you’ve been spending time with that new student, jaemin.

what was so special about him anyways? well, he was surely going to find out soon.

as the bell rings to signal the start of recess, he dashes out of his classroom, taking big steps towards yours.

there, haechan finds you in his seat and he’s about to approach you until he sees you’re in the middle of a conversation with the one and only, na jaemin.

“this is how you do this, right?” jaemin asks you, directing your sight to a piece of paper that has a bunch of math formulas written on it.

“yeah! i’m surprised you got that rather quickly.” you compliment the boy in front of you with a small laugh.

your thoughts on jaemin have changed drastically since the first time you met him. he’s a sweet boy, someone you could never take advantage of. it just felt wrong to you so you just dropped your entire plan as a whole.

it was alright to lose the bet. at least you kind of made a new friend out of it, right? you smile to yourself at that thought.

to haechan, however, your smile is so bright in jaemin’s presence, it’s practically blinding everyone in sight. have you ever smiled at him like that? wait- why does that matter?

he doesn’t like you, no way.

you’re best friends, yeah. his love for you is as platonic as can be — at least that’s what he tells himself.

for someone as bold as haechan, he can’t seem to find the confidence in him to walk towards your table and steal your attention. instead, he steps out of the classroom, unnoticed by you.

D-5.

“JAEMIN DID WHAT!?” haechan yells into his phone, winter being on the receiving end of the call.

the girl tuts, “scream one more time and i’m hanging up on you. and yes, i heard he confessed to y/n. i don’t think she gave him an answer though.”

“sorry, look, i was just really surprised.” a deep sigh comes out from haechan before the call goes silent. he takes the time to process the situation, but the idea of you and jaemin being together just rubs him off the wrong way.

“doesn’t she see how bad he is for her?” he finally reasons out.

“uhuh, in what sense exactly?” winter retorts.

“he’s probably just using her to gain attention or something! can’t i look out for my own best friend?” the response is laughable, even to haechan, but he goes along with it.

winter laughs into the call, “are you even hearing yourself? that’s pretty baseless, even for you haechan.” she replies shortly afterwards. “seems to me like you’re jealous.”

“are you hearing yourself, winter? no i’m not! get your head screwed on properly!” haechan answers back in the same incredulous manner as she did to him just a few seconds ago. “who would i even be jealous of?”

“jaemin. who else? i think it’s pretty clear to most. you aren’t that great at managing your feelings, y’know-” the girl’s voice cuts off for a second, “-oh, i’m being called to dinner now but seriously, get yourself together haechan. i know you like my cousin. bye!”

the line goes beep and haechan tosses his phone onto his bed. she really did just leave him hanging like that. how could she after bringing that idea up?!

jealous? not a chance. haechan never gets jealous.

D-4.

haechan wakes up the next day feeling tired, having not slept a wink after winter’s words kept replaying in his head.

i know you like my cousin.

you like my cousin.

you like her.

and these same words follow him as he makes it all the way to school. perhaps seeing you in school would help him understand his feelings better.

he really just wants this to be over with.

with trudged steps, he makes his way to your classroom and luckily enough for him, there you were already in class before the first bell rang.

he blames it on the lack of sleep but you look so ethereal sitting down in your chair as you bop your head lightly to the music that’s presumably playing on your earphones.

the sight is something to behold- that is until he pivots his head ever so slightly and sees jaemin accompanying you. god, why does he have to be there.

so maybe haechan does get jealous. sometimes.

maybe that’s why he acts without thinking, swiftly dragging you from your chair and out to the school courtyard despite your protests.

“hyuck let me go-” you grumble, tugging on your arm but he doesn’t budge one bit. it’s only when you reach a bench in the furthest part of the courtyard he decides to get go of your wrist.

“seriously, what is wrong with you?” you scoff out in disbelief. “this is the first time we’ve spoken in days. i think you could’ve just asked me if you really wanted to talk.” with the addition of those words, haechan finally realizes what he’s done. he knows it was wrong but he isn’t going to back down from the argument that was brewing between you two.

“me? how about you? you’ve been so lovey dovey with mr. perfect all this time! don’t you have yourself to blame on why we haven’t seen each other in so long?” he spat out coldly.

your heart sinks, and yet, you can’t help but feel even more enraged. its true, you’re part of the reason for the lack of communication between you two. after all, communication is a two way system. but doesn’t that also mean he’s also to blame?

“i enjoy jaemin’s company a lot! is that so wrong?” you shoot back, biting your bottom lip before mumbling the latter part of your statement. “at least he isn’t as grumpy as the person standing in front of me.”

ouch.

the boy hears this and gets ticked off even more. maybe it really is the lack of sleep but he seriously can’t understand her reasoning anymore. instead, he assumes she’s just doing all of this for the bet.

“do you really want to win the bet so bad? if that’s what you want, just kiss me and be over with it. i’m literally letting you win. you can stop seeing jaemin now.”

and that’s when it hits you a little.

why is he bringing the bet up all of a sudden when you just want a genuine relationship with jaem- oh. he couldn’t possibly see you as someone like that right? he said it himself! he doesn’t like you and even denied your request to kiss him a few weeks ago.

but, if that were all true, what other explanation would there be to his actions?

he takes your silence as a no, prompting him to leave you in the courtyard all alone.

you couldn’t seem to understand him at all no matter how hard you tried.

as soon as you got home from classes that same day, you rushed yourself back home and into the comfort of your bed and pillows — treating them as if they were your closest confidants and cried while you shared your troubles.

it wasn’t productive on your end but it was much needed for you to at least think straight. you’d been bottling your contemplations all day long after all.

here you are laying lifeless on your bed, using all your braincells to dicern what the fuck happened earlier this morning.

you know haechan doesn’t like you. you’ve said it to yourself so many times now.

maybe he’s just jealous you’ve been spending more time with jaemin because, although you have different intentions before, you realized you couldn’t see him in that way nor had the heart to just use him for your own gain.

haechan was a different story though. you feel flushed just thinking about him, knowing full well the both of you are in the middle of an argument between each other.

remembrance of the frustration hits, making you groan at the thought of having to remedy it. if you and haechan had anything in common, it would be the stubbornness you both share.

the last time you both got into an argument this big was back in junior high. neither of you spoke to the other for an entire month. it got so bad that both your parents had to call each other up to devise a way to get an apology out from the both of you.

though it would make the entire situation much easier, your parents no longer delve into these types of problems — and neither do haechan’s. you’re both all alone to fix this one yourselves and you wish you’d been more grateful to your parents for mending your relationship with haechan.

deep down, you already know the both of you will struggle to find the right timing, but you certainly hope that day would come soon. you didn’t exactly like being away from him either (even if he made you feel like shit for the rest of the day).

you decide to sleep off your worries for the night, hoping and praying that tomorrow would be a better day for you.

D-3.

tomorrow is not any better of a day.

jaemin and haechan both invited you to eat with them for lunch which quickly escalated into a light argument between the two. you couldn’t even bring yourself to butt into their conversation, seeing how they were fighting over something so silly.

“i’m her best friend, we do this pretty much everyday!” you hear haechan yell at jaemin, his frustration for the other getting the best of him. “plus, i need to talk with her. without you.”

“if the two of you are just best friends, then what gives you the right to dictate her answers?” jaemin fires back, keeping a calm and collected appearance throughout.

this shuts haechan up and the entire cafeteria goes dead silent. oh boy, did you want to curl up into a little hole. everyone was staring and you didn’t like that one bit.

nevertheless, you decided to be the bigger person — uttering a small apology to jaemin before walking off to the table you usually sat at with haechan — the latter following you a few steps behind.

neither of you speak as you begin to eat your separate meals, another sign the relationship between you two was starting to fade out into dust.

winter joins your lunch table shortly after witnessing the drama unfold, she looks at haechan with an unreadable expression and the boy stays quiet during the whole meal.

didn't he say he wanted to talk? an apology for the day before would have been nice.

you get fed up by the silence, placing your food back on the tray before picking it up. you mutter a quiet “i can’t seem to understand you at all.” directed at hyuck before leaving and switching over to the table where jaemin and his friends are sitting.

it all happened too fast and haechan didn’t realize you were leaving until you already did. he really did want to talk but how was he supposed to do that after having that situation with jaemin?

he wanted to calm down first but you had other plans. you really left him in shambles this time.

winter can’t help but sigh at the ongoing conflict. she silently wishes she wasn’t involved this much if it was going to turn out like this.

D-2.

haechan knows he truly has to make it up to you (including a long overdue explanation of why he’s been acting weirdly the past few days) but doesn’t know how to do that. apologies never came easy to him. his mind couldn’t help but go blank everytime he tried thinking of a way to approach you without making things more complicated than they already are.

the sheer amount of times he’s hit a brick wall has him calling the only person who probably knows more about you than he, himself, does.

he picks up his phone, searching through his contacts before landing on a single person, now waiting for the phone to ring.

“hello?” winter’s voice reaches him through the call. “i knew you’d call after what happened at the cafeteria.”

it takes a moment for haechan to answer, “maybe if jaemin wasn’t so aggressive–”

“you both were. now spill, have you gotten your feelings sorted yet?” the girl pushes his dramatics aside, getting straight to the point.

“i… think i do. you were right all along.” haechan finishes. although it was hard for him to admit at first, now that he’s actually said it out loud, it might be the first time he’s been feeling a sense of clarity after so long.

winter hums at his confession. “at least you’re finally taking a step in the right direction. now, to win her back…” she smiles to herself, already having a plan in mind.

you, on the other hand, have been seeing haechan and winter together often for the past week. naturally, your mind begins to wonder if your own cousin is the reason why haechan rejected you way back during your small birthday celebration.

the evidence matches up pretty well — he probably couldn’t reject you directly because she was in the room with the two of you that day. he isn’t spending as much time with you anymore because he’s spending time with her.

they look good together.

those words linger in your head more than you’d like to admit.

you feel cast aside by the people you’ve known practically your entire life but you don’t have much of a choice but to return to jaemin’s company. after all, you chose to eat the rest of your lunch at his table instead of the one that brought familiarity to you.

D-DAY.

day after day, the two of you just seemed to grow even more distant and you wondered if the end of your long-term friendship was nigh approaching. you barely saw him roaming through the halls of campus anymore, much less your cousin.

you didn’t dislike the new friend group you had (jaemin introducing you to his friends after you finally told him about your situation with haechan, but you couldn’t help but feel… dissatisfied with your current situation.)

as your class ends, you prepare yourself for another silent walk home. despite having those new friends, you felt lonelier than you ever had. you missed them. you missed him. and yet, life seemed to have other plans for you.

even trudging down these halls filled with other students made you lonely.

truthfully, you would do anything to have them back- a pain to your forehead snaps you out of your thoughts. you had bumped into someone. well, not just someone, but the person you’ve been longing for the most.

haechan. he was right in front of you after who knows how long it’s been.

you felt like crying on the spot but held in your emotions to appear like your life was anything but lost. haechan knew that look on your face, presuming you haven’t been well ever since the two of you have spoken. he takes your hands that have slumped to your sides into his, and the small gesture reminded you of the warmth he’d bring into your life.

“are you up for a short conversation perhaps?” you only nod and he takes that as a signal in the right direction, though, he isn’t used to you acting around him like this. oh boy, this was going to be more than a short conversation.

haechan leads you into the gymnasium and the two of you sit down by the bleachers with no sight of other students in the area.

“before you get mad- i wanted to apologize first. i shouldn’t have acted the way i did. i was childish.” he begins, holding eye contact with you to show his sincerity. “frankly, i was jealous. jealous you spent more time with jaemin, and you seemed to enjoy you time with him more than the times we hang out together. i shouldn’t have made you feel sad in any way, but i did and that’s completely my fault. i’m sorry.” you know his words hold both his feelings and the truth.

he wasn’t going to lie to you. he never once did during the time you knew each other.

however, what he admitted to had you flustered.

he was jealous of you and jaemin? it was a little hard to believe until you remembered the latter confessed to you the past week. oh god, did word of that spread out? nevermind that, what happened between you and jaemin was the least of your worries, the boy in front of you was. what if haechan got the wrong idea from the rumors?

“it’s not completely your fault. we both were pretty stubborn.” you reply, a soft chuckle leaving your lips to ease the tension between you two. “and if… if you’re curious, i never returned jaemin’s feelings back.

haechan gets pretty taken aback by your statement, now wondering why you brought it up. “oh… i know.”

“you knew? did winter tell you?” you question in anticipation. “i guess the both of you are pretty close now.”

“she did but i swear our friendship is nothing like that!” it was his turn to get flustered. “she could never replace your spot in my life.”

“i’m a little confused though after all of this…” you gesture out, referring to the situation that has just recently moved past you two. “what spot do i even have?”

he pauses, taking his time to think of the right words he wants to tell you but they all get stuck in his throat. the expression on your face showed how you took his silence negatively, prompting him to speak. “i like you. i couldn’t admit it even to myself for the longest time and-” having enough of his rambling, you inch a little closer and give him a kiss on the lips.

it’s brief, and yet, it continues to linger on his lips. “you kissed me.”

“why do you think i never gave jaemin an answer to jaemin’s confession?”

“so you were really saving it for me? i’m honored.” he chuckles out, playfully holding his hand to his chest.

“well, you should be.” you add on with the same bright smile he’s seen you flash at jaemin, except this time, it was absolutely for him.

“i guess that also means you won the bet?” he recalls, a brow raising at you.

you give him a light nudge on his shoulder while suppressing a giggle, “oh, shut up and just kiss me. you owe me 10 bucks by the way.”

tags !!

[grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks]

Does the world need more pre-Unknowing Jmart content? The answer is probably no, but have some anyway! You can read it on AO3, or check it out below:

Martin’s hands were shaking. He noticed that as he filled the kettle, heard the way the slight tremor made the water splash and slosh against the smooth metal.

He wished they weren’t. He wished for once he could maintain some sort of composure without his body betraying him with a tremor, or a stammer, or a blush. He wished it wasn’t so very obvious that he was terrified, but that was probably a lost cause. Jon was sitting just on the other side of the wall listening to the tape Martin had recorded, describing, at Jon’s insistence, all the things he thought and felt on the eve of the Unknowing, and there were quite a few things, really, that were probably far too obvious.

I need them to be safe. I need him to be okay.

Just don’t die, Jon. Or– or Tim, or Basira, or… Daisy, I guess.

He hadn’t meant to make the others sound like such an afterthought (or, not Tim and Basira, rather. Daisy he could take or leave; he’d never quite forgiven her for the whole attempted-murder thing) but, well, Jon had been on his mind recently. Jon, who was listening to that mortifying tape at this very moment. Jon, who had stayed in the Archives far too late on a night when he really ought to be getting some sleep. Jon, who Martin hadn’t said goodbye to, yet, because he didn’t know how. Jon, who Martin was making a cup of tea for, even though he hadn’t asked and probably didn’t want it, because he was desperate for an excuse to sit with him in the Archives for just a little while longer.

Jon, who might die tomorrow.

Martin’s hands were shaking again. He hardly noticed.

He took the tea bag out, tossed it into the bin, stirred in the sugar, added the milk. It was muscle memory by now. He didn’t have to think about it, which was usually a good thing, but today it just meant his thoughts were free to spiral.

There was nothing he could do. He knew that. The plans had all been made, the only thing left to do was wait for tomorrow, play his part, and hope for the best. That was all any of them could do. Fretting wasn’t going to help. But his mind kept turning, against his will, to the same fact: tomorrow, the last two friends he had in the world (or, if one were being very generous and assumed a level of amity from Melanie and Basira that he wasn’t sure he’d earned, three of the last four friends he had in the world) were going to drive to Great Yarmouth, and he didn’t know if they were ever coming back. In some ways, the end of the world was easier to think about.

He picked up the mug, but his hands were still shaking, and it slipped from his trembling fingers and shattered on the floor.

Martin felt something in him break as he stared down at the shards of ceramic – like tectonic plates shifting apart, leaving something yawning and empty and aching across the fault line of his chest. He’d thought he could do this one thing – this one tiny, pointless gesture – but he couldn’t even get that right.

He dropped to his knees without thinking and began picking the shards off the ground. There was a broom in the supply closet that he could have used if he'd stopped to consider his options, but that empty, cavernous space in his chest was quickly getting filled by panic, and his only thought was to clean up his mess as quickly as possible. He needed to fix this, needed to make things right, needed to at least hide the evidence of his failure.

“Martin? Are you alright?” Jon appeared in the doorway to the breakroom, eyes wide, looking as though he expected to be met with a supernatural horror and was prepared to fight it. His posture relaxed just slightly when he saw Martin, alone and unharmed, in the center of the room, though the alarm didn’t quite leave his face.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Martin said, and he hated the wobble in his voice, the high, tremulous note that made it sound like he was going to cry. “I, uh, I-I-I was going to bring you some tea, but well…”

“Here, let me help,” Jon started, taking a step toward Martin, and Martin scrambled to pick up the pieces.

“No, no, I’ve got it, I–” He caught his thumb on one of the sharp edges, and sucked in an involuntary breath. A bead of blood bloomed, small but startlingly red, across the cut.

Jon was on the floor beside him in an instant. “Let me see.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “it’s not that bad.” And it really wasn’t. It was a shallow thing that looked worse than it was, but Jon had taken Martin’s hand in both of his own and was looking over the cut with wide, dark, overserious eyes.

“I’ll get the first aid kit.”

“You really don’t need–” Martin started, but Jon was already on his feet.

“It’ll only take a second.” When he saw that Martin had opened his mouth to protest further, he added, “Humour me.”

Then he was off, leaving Martin alone on the floor of the breakroom.

Martin sighed. He stood up, walked over to the bin, and carefully tipped the shards of mug he had picked up into it.

Jon returned a moment later holding a broom and dustpan, with the office’s first aid kit tucked under one arm. He carefully toed around the remaining splatter of spilled tea and broken ceramic on the floor to lean the broom against the counter and set the first aid kit down before leading Martin to the sink and turning on the tap.

Jon guided his hand under the cool water, which is something Martin definitely could have done himself, but he didn’t argue this time. He was too distracted by once again having his injured hand cupped by both of Jon’s, Jon’s thin, calloused fingertips pressing gently but firmly into his palm. When the cut had been cleaned, Jon shut off the water and began rummaging through the first aid kit for a plaster of the right size.

Martin could only watch helplessly as Jon peeled the plastic off and discarded it. When he gestured for Martin to hold out his hand, Martin offered it up. He should have been embarrassed. It was embarrassing, the fuss Jon was making over a tiny little cut, but Jon was still handling his injury with such care, and staring at him with such concentration, as though Martin was the most important thing in the world, and he couldn’t find it in himself to mind.

He pressed the gauze to the soft pad of Martin’s thumb and took care not to hinder the motion of his knuckle when he wrapped the sides around it. His fingers lingered for a moment longer, smoothing out the bandage, before he finally dropped Martin’s hand.

“There,” he whispered.

“Thanks.”

Jon cleared his throat. “I thought you might have gone home.” He scratched delicately at the back of his neck, then added in a quiet murmur, “I, um. I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”

There was a moment of silence, during which neither of them took the opportunity to say goodbye.

Martin was the one to break the silence. “I should, uh, I should really…” he stammered, grabbing the broom.

“R-Right.”

Martin swept up the remaining pieces of the mug and threw them away. When he turned around, Jon had grabbed a tea towel from beside the sink and was knelt on the floor mopping up the puddle of tea.

“You really don’t have to do that,” Martin said. He was beginning to feel like a broken record, but it was true. He didn’t want to spend these last precious moments before everything changed with Jon cleaning up his mess. 

“I don’t mind.” 

Martin thought about grabbing another towel and joining him, but he’d already gotten most of it. Jon gave the floor one last swipe, then looked down at the linoleum with a contemplative frown. “That’s probably good enough. I really should have mopped it up instead of just drying it, but, well… If tomorrow, the worst thing we can say is that there’s a sticky patch on the break room floor, I think we’ll consider ourselves lucky.” He huffed a quiet little laugh, but there was no real humour in it.

Martin hesitated. They were toeing dangerously close to the topic they’d been avoiding all night.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

“Probably best if we don’t,” Jon whispered. “I might lose my courage, and, well… there’s little enough of that to go around.” He flashed Martin a sad, brave, lopsided smile.

It was the smile that did it. Martin knelt down beside Jon, ignoring the way the damp patch on the floor soaked through the knees of his trousers, and pulled him into a tight hug. Jon stiffened for a moment, surprised, before melting into the contact. His shoulders began to shake. Martin wasn’t sure if he was crying or simply shaking, but he squeezed him tighter nonetheless. He stroked a soothing hand down Jon’s spine, and Jon’s breath caught in his throat. Martin wondered for a second if he’d overstepped, but then Jon shifted, burying his face in Martin’s neck and taking long, deep, shuddering breaths.

Martin wanted to say something, but his words died on his lips. What was there to say? “It’s alright?” “Everything’s going to be okay?” It would be a hollow sentiment, and they’d both know it. “I’m worried, too,” would be more honest, but Jon knew that already. He’d listened to the tape.

Eventually, they had to pull apart. It was a slow, awkward affair, but when they’d finally extricated themselves from the tight tangle of limbs, they once again found themselves sat across from each other on the cold break room floor. Jon looked a mess. His glasses were askew, his collar was rumpled, and his hair was falling in his face in tousled waves.

Martin couldn’t help himself. He reached out with both hands and tucked Jon’s hair back behind his ears. For just a fraction of a second, Jon flashed him another lopsided smile. Martin knew he ought to pull away, but he let his hands linger, gently cupping the corners of Jon’s face, for a few moments longer. Jon’s eyes slipped closed, and he sighed. His brow was furrowed, his expression cloudy, but the sigh was one of the most contented sounds Martin had ever heard.

When Martin dropped his hands, Jon opened his eyes and studied Martin’s face. He seemed to struggle with himself, opening and closing his mouth several times as though beginning to say something before thinking better of it. Finally, he whispered, “Why me?”

“What?”

“Why am I the one you… make tea for, and invite out to lunch, and…” he trailed off, before repeating, more insistently, “Why me? When I thought you might have killed Gertrude, I could make sense of it. Y-You were throwing suspicion off yourself, trying to get me to let my guard down so you could kill me,” he said. “But now, I’m fairly sure you aren’t going to murder me, so why?”

“I like making tea.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know,” Martin said, because he did. “But… it sort of is, though. I like making you tea, and I like having lunch with you, I just– I like spending time with you! I care about you, Jon. You make it sound like I’m making some big sacrifice by loving you, but–” Martin realized what he said half a second after he said it. “Sorry, that’s not– I didn’t mean– that isn’t what I meant to–” he corrected, frantically, before giving up. He sighed, and dropped his gaze so he wouldn’t have to look Jon in the eye as he muttered, “I mean, I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now. Everyone else has.”

“I… suspected,” Jon admitted softly. “But I wasn’t sure. I thought it might have been wishful thinking on my part.”

Martin risked a glance at Jon. He expected to see embarrassment in his face, or pity, or even scorn. Instead, he saw only the satisfaction of someone who had just come to a decision.

Jon reached out and put a hand on Martin’s jaw, gently pulling him closer, and leaned forward, tilting his face up towards Martin’s. He moved slowly, as though waiting for Martin to pull away, or to lean in. Martin did neither.

“Don’t,” he whispered instead. Their faces were so close that his lips nearly brushed against Jon’s as he spoke. “Don’t do this just because the world might end.”

Jon pulled back slightly, and blinked at him. “Is that what you think?”

Martin didn’t respond. “Yes,” was the answer, but it would have sounded like an accusation. And Martin knew that Jon wasn’t trying to be cruel. He probably thought it was a kindness, to give Martin the one thing they both knew he wanted before everything went wrong, and to find some comfort himself in the process. 

“Martin, I… I care about you, too,” Jon whispered. “I’m not very good at showing it – well, no, I’m terrible at showing it – but I do care. I think about you all the time. Even when I was kidnapped. Even when I thought you were trying to kill me. I…” he swallowed, and his fingers moved to tangle in Martin’s hair. “I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time,” he whispered, face still so close to Martin’s, “but only if you want it, too.”

Martin leaned forward, and their lips met.

The kiss was chaste at first, cautious, but it didn’t take long before it grew heated. Jon’s lips were feverish, hungry, and fierce, and Martin could feel an answering hunger awaken in him. He brought his hands to the back of Jon’s head to give himself some leverage as he pressed deeper into the kiss, and Jon tightened his grip on Martin’s hair, tugging lightly on the shaggy locks that curled behind his ear. Jon nipped at his bottom lip, and Martin let out a noise that really should have been embarrassing. He couldn’t quite remember what embarrassment was meant to feel like, though.

For a moment, the Circus didn’t exist. The Unknowing didn’t exist. The damp patch on the knees of Martin’s trousers, and the shattered mug in the bin, and the cut on Martin’s hand didn’t exist. Nothing existed but Jon – Jon’s hand in his hair, Jon’s breath against his cheek, Jon’s lips, migrating from Martin’s mouth down to his jaw and then down further to press, eager and hot, against his throat.

“Jon,” he whispered, the only thing he could think to say, the only word in the universe at that moment.

And Jon whispered back, desperate and dear, “Martin.”

Martin wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Long enough that his knees began to grow sore from being pressed against the cold, hard floor. 

“I love you,” Jon murmured when they finally pulled apart.

“You don’t have to say that just because I said–”

“I know I don’t,” Jon said. “But it’s true.”

“Oh.” Martin didn’t know what to say to that. He pressed a kiss to Jon’s hairline in lieu of a response, and because he could. When he did find his voice, what he said was, “You have to come back tomorrow. You don’t get to say all this to me and then die.”

Jon huffed a quiet laugh. “Well, if you insist…”

“I mean it.”

Martin looked down at his hands, and found that they were shaking again. Jon followed his gaze, and wrapped Martin’s trembling hands in his own.

“I’ll try. I promise.”

And that was, as much as Martin wished it wasn’t, all either of them could do.

[generalluxun]

different anon but if anyone's closer to the Gary Stu/Mary Su type it's Marinette, cause they keep insisting that she's so special (the time she had on all the miraculouses), the best Ladybug ever (Tikki constantly says this despite the fact that she's lost the miraculouses at least two times), and was ultimately the one that beat Hawkmoth on her own (Gabe stole the miraculouses from her AND got his wish, so she didn't actually win). Not to mention all the people who were crushing on her? Nino, Nathaniel, Luka, Zoe, and however many others? Adrien was over there in his white prison room talking about how HE'S not worthy of MARINETTE'S love? Yeah no...

Okay, we need some definitions. For myself I absolutely love what OSP has for this. *Note* I will use the term Mary Sue so I'm not constantly typing both out, but I honestly consider it gender neutral. You can have a Male(or ace, or whichever) Mary Sue, it's a lot easier than bothering with 'Gary Stu'

With this framework we find that people are often talking cross definitions. Some people latch onto the G1 definition of Mary Sue as someone who is 'perfect' and the fact that Thomas/Marinette(Don't hate on Marinette here, Thomas's words in her mouth) declare Adrien is 'perfect', but those aren't the same definitions.

G1 Mary Sue perfect is 'without flaws' Can do everything better and at range, everyone loves them instantly, etc etc.

Thomas means 'a thing to be kept and admired' like a perfect diamond. It's quite clear Adrien has flaws in the series. It would take a heavy level of self-delusion to miss them. I *like* Adrien, I write for him a lot! But yeah, look at Lies, he treated Adrien like garbage and the narrative punished him for it, pretty bog standard.

Now Marinette- She's an interesting case. She didn't START out a G1 Mary Sue, but she has always been a *type* of Mary Sue. You see after the initial blowback to G1 Mary Sues writers began to throw flaws onto their characters to try and dodge the label. Yet, a lot of the FUNCTION of a Mary Sue remained. So a new definition was formed. This one relies simply on the narrative warping power that a Mary Sue possesses. They are the only *real* person in a world of extras. They have flaws, but those flaws are simply backstory or window dressing.

Marinette's Clumsiness is a prime example of this. She's Clumsy! Except... never when it matters. Imagine how much more of a dynamic we would have if she were *actually* clumsy. She's the thinker/leader who is still functional in a fight, but when it comes down to anything precise, she needs her Olympic-Level trained Partner.

When bad things happen to a Mary Sue, it's only for sympathy points, and they come out on top. S3 She had to be the Guardian- And then we get a series of things that were only solvable because she was the guardian. Her ability to make charms is literally 'Just believe you can' Su-Han shows up and she mocks him. etc etc. Gabriel beats her in S5! -and his wish gives her everything she wants. She is tormented in Derision! -And all it does is make Adrien even more on her side, she's already won and they used her 'trauma' for comedy for 4 seasons.

The biggest thing though is how almost nothing ever progresses without Marinette's attention(a little changes in S5, but that's just because Felix is even MORE of a Mary Sue when he shows up, his localized Sueness defeats her general Sueness) Even when you have a protagonist centered story, most narratives will have a world that lives and breathes and side characters with lives outside the main. The world they live in feels alive. With a Mary Sue(and ML) the world stops completely and almost ceases to exist if the Sue is not present to influence things.

Now I'm gonna blow your mind- A Mary Sue isn't always bad! You *can* write a strong narrative around a Mary Sue- as long as you recognize it.

Marinette is a fun character!

If the show ran with 'Marinette is amazing and multi talented and a paragon, capable in every situation' then you know, that works! Your hero can be blessed! People loved *Superman* to pieces for decades while he was basically invincible. Doc Savage was a thing in the Pulp Era.

The problem is they want to try and run this 'normal girl! oh so clumsy. Oh put upon, pity her, poor girl.' Line, and yet... she just wins, and wins, and always wins, and never stops winning. She is always considered morally by the end of every episode. She wins without even trying (her victory vs Lila was handed to her. She got her power upgrades basically out of the blue each time) So these two disparate things don't click. They create cognitive dissonance that aware viewers pick up on, and it makes things far less satisfying.

I just want to reiterate though. A Mary Sue is not who Marinette is, it is how the narrative *handles* her. Don't hate on Marinette. Wish she was in a better executed story.

[nikikikiko]

jumping rq on the afk arena found family ever (gavus, eugene and their kids) but ive been brainrotting and well i have some headcanons:

• Liberta and Lucilla did not come out of everything entirely unscathed emotionally and mentally. 10 years and becoming generals at young ages did not do them well.

• Likewise, it is a very real fear of Eugene AND Gavus that they’ll go to sleep one day and wake up right back in their respective prisons, alone.

• So the four tend to have some nights where they all just stay up instead of sleeping (much to the detriment of Gavus who wants his children to have healthy sleep habits) , typically nights like these are spent in each other’s company as a physical reminder that the bad is over now

• Lucilla tends to get overprotective at times of her brother and her fathers, because she doesn’t want to be separated from them ever again. This trait made itself especially well known when she and Liberta defected from the Hypogeans and Celestials, but has since calmed down.

• Liberta is semi verbal, because some days he can’t bring himself to speak.

• Eugene handles a lot of the practical advice side of parenting whereas Gavus handles a lot of comfort.

• Of the two fathers, Gavus is the one holding a more strict grudge against the Celestials and Hypogeans than Eugene is. This is mainly due to Gavus being overly protective and hard to let things go, which makes one realize where Lucilla got it from.

• During their time with the Celestials and Hypogeans, Liberta and Lucilla were treated oddly. Lucilla was trained only ever in the art of combat, she had a lot of friends but she wasn’t being given much formal education due to that not being her purpose. Her status as a weapon, as Dusk, made it so that nothing else mattered much except her combat prowess and destructive power so she could turn the war in favor of the Hypogeans.

• Liberta on the otherhand was educated academically but only ever with Celestial morals scattered everywhere as they didn’t want to repeat Gavus’s defection. However, he was not given proper treatment among Celestials and his feelings were often not taken into account on any decisions, as he was a weapon, Dawn, and weapons followed orders.

• These things do not go away so easily, and right after they left the two divine factions, they got into it a lot because they struggled to reconnect initially. It took some time and good ol bonding while looking for their dads to get them both as close as they are now.

• But even then, they still struggle sometimes. Lucilla struggles with learning how to not utilize violence to solve every problem she has with someone, whereas Liberta struggles to stand firm to his feelings rather than writing them off for the wishes of someone else.

• Gavus upon learning any of this found himself feeling absolutely Livid inside but inhale exhale his kids need their fathers right now

• And that’s not to say Eugene wasn’t angry either, but his rage was very much turned into energy and determination to make sure nothing would ever hurt his family ever again.

• Liberta is still just as eepy as he was when he was a kid. He naps anywhere at any time. Lucilla will draw on his face from time to time, Gavus will put a blanket over him, and Eugene just straight up carries Liberta to his bed.

• Lucilla can be best described as “what if I eat that” and she’ll always try to eat it. She has eaten candle wax, cardboard, a leaf, grass, paper, etc. and it is all due to curiosity, she never eats the same thing twice if its not edible or good tasting.

• Eugene very much bullies Lucilla in the same way a parent will lovingly bully their child. He makes fun of her but he’s always among the first to support her too. Eugene has been trying to help her focus violent tendencies into crafting instead, noting that it’s easier to destroy but more fulfilling to make. He has since received many a lopsided woodcarving of what could be a bear but might be a duck.

• Gavus is similar but he indulges Lucilla’s antics as long as nobody’s hurt. He also reads really bad YA romance novels with her, like Twilight levels of bad, and they’ll talk shit about it together. Lucilla isn’t one to be too involved with it but sometimes the plots get so wild and out of control it sends Gavus into a frustrated rant and sends Lucilla into orbit with how hilariously passionate her dad gets over stupid crappy romance books.

• On the flipside, Eugene definitely teases Liberta but he’s much softer with him since Liberta is a bit more sensitive than Lucilla is. He and Liberta share a love for puzzles and cool gadgets, if they go into the market and have some extra money, you can bet your everything that they’re going to go off looking for another cool and fun thing to bring home.

• Meanwhile Gavus and Liberta tend to cook together !! Since Eugene has been banned for abuse of spices and seasoning causing one too many dinners to be over seasoned or over spiced, Liberta has taken up the role as co-chief for Gavus and they use that time to talk about interesting things.

• Family Game nights but instead of games its debate nights where they take a topic and they just debate over why they’re right abt it. Yk like what kind of chair is better or whatnot. Sometimes they’ll do teams and sometimes it’s every man for themselves.

[nero-onlooking-archive]

I'm a big fan of demon hybrids having animal traits in the sense they're technically demon traits but plenty demon designs are based off animals to some degree, and I'm a biology enthusiast. So here's some of mine:

-Neros demon arm in dmc 4 is a result of his body trying to protect him. Similar to scaring, because he got attacked by a demon and it's noted he thought it was infected his body's immune response to being expose to demon (germs? Fluid? Breaking of the skin in general?) Was to basically activate his DT form in that one area likely to stave off infection and or prevent future damage. Again like scarring in humans. My supporting evidence is in DMC 5 Neros demon arm has changed to look like his according DT trigger. This is not to say DT forms are basically trauma, but that as a bodies defensive measure is less stable and functional the younger you are. Bc most of your bodies resources are going towards growing and hormones.

- Dante eating pizza with like almost all toppings could reasonably be backed as being because be it just using his guns or taking a DT form it's gonna be quite physically taxing. Carbs provide energy, it woukd realistically burn a ton of energy to do things like shapeshift. (You could make a case of this applying a similar way to V where functionally being split in two (6 counting Gryphon nightmare shadow phantom) means vergil was already running on fumes and Urizen just got most of it hence he still needed the qliphoth fruit for power. But also why even when eating it afterwards Vergil is still basically on equal footing as Dante. It basically just got Vergil at a healthy...everything. and it may be why Griffon Shadow and Nightmare weren't merged back in as well (yes symbolism obv but lemme support it with this) because the fruit was like a extreme multivitamin griffon shadow and Nightmare would be akin to like overdosing on vitamins. (This is also why Neros arm is basically in a DT state in dmc 4 but otherwise his DT is like a shadow. It's a lot of energy so this is his bodies closest thing it can manage due to energy but i wouldnt rule out age too as Dante had no issue going full DT at 18) this may also be why Nero can have his DT arms out without transforming fully into a DT form but also may just be bc he's 1/3rd demon

- Urizens form having so many eyes is a result of him still getting some of vergils trauma bc ptsd shows up as hyper vigilance/more activity in the brain.

- Neros DT form in dmc 4 and 5 both has downward horns akin to vergils dmc 3 DT form but also they are wing like in a way that reminds me of Credos Angelo form (esp in the chest) and his chin spikes are like Dantes DT form in 5. I think this is like half formed by genetics half formed by experiences in a way bc of those details. this also explains despite being idential twins dantes and vergils DT forms are so different. (Dante will never say it but he wishes his wings were also an extra pair of hands this is because he could eat more slices of pizza at a time)

- yknow how in some ways horns make cooling off easier because it pulls an animals blood out of their body through said horns to be cooled and then go back in the body? Dante and Nero can use this to cool off but Vergils broken horns don't allow this.

- bc Nero has more of a reptile/raptor motif and Vergils is more on the fish side with fin mentions I interpret this as Neros scales are made of kertaine like hair and Vegils are made of Dentine like teeth.

-until Nero regret a human arm his DT formed arm shed. This normally doesn't happen for Dante and vergil but that's bc theyre not in their DT forms 24/7.

I ALSO THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT NEROS ARM!!

I always thought that the reason why dante never got carpal tunnel from pulling the trigger of ebony n ivory sm is because his body would heal it before it got a chance. Vergil's horns could also be broken because his internal body temp is MUCH higher than his kin, and therefore that xtra heat in his hosts is still being vented despite how broken they are?? idk.

[protosymphonette]

apparently I shouldn’t ask you your fallout 4 opinions? Now I want to ask you your fallout 4 opinions :)

i warned you about my fo4 opinions bro. i told you dog.

most of these are like. technical and story related. bee tee dubs

ok under cut because i have a lot to say and most of it is TOXIC because i LOVE TO COMPLAIN

listen. listen. i have a lot of feelings about this game. most of them aren't very good. so lets start with the ones that are mostly positive.

i think a thing fo4 did really well was the companions. a lot of their arcs are more realized than the other fo games (despite the fact that 2 of them don't even have full names, but i digress), they have more unique voicelines... and being able to romance them doesn't hurt either. honestly, half the reason i found myself willing to continue playing the game was getting all of the companion questlines and such. i also like how connected it was to fo3 character (like with li, maccready, maxson) and storywise (the institute, railroad, synths), made me feel Smart for getting the references. the way weapons... work? i guess is the best term? is also pretty decent- though the more advanced display hurts my eyes whenever i use energy weapons (which is always because they are the only guns worth using in any fo game)

i'll probably add more positives as i go, but- now time for parts of the game that i don't particularly enjoy... i don't like how many gameplay changes they made. like with the perks and special system (why would they change it. why remove skills?? why start all special stats at 1? the removal of skills really gets me; like, they were a more tangible and easier way to recognize what, well, SKILLS you had and just removing them entirely makes no sense) and the pip boy ui (WHY did they make holotapes go into general "misc" as opposed to having their own "notes" section??? you use holotapes like 40x more often in this game why. what the hell todd) the weapons and armor system irks me too, somewhat- the fact that once you progress to a point in the game in which you are like, unable to see if an armor/weapon is better than what you have because of all of the goddamn superfluous adjectival modifiers. i wish single piece armors were more practical- the mix-and-match nature of the new armor system is... i don't mean to be like, petty, but its Fugly. i know it's the wasteland but, DAMN, my guy's fit is trash! there are too many modifiers to armor, too, i feel. like, ballistic v energy v whatever damage resistance... all i want to know is if this thing is better than this thing, and you're tellin me it is SOMETIMES but not all the times? my iddy biddy pea brain came here to have FUN and SHOOT not to think about strategy in armor. tldr for my technical qualms with this game: they shouldn't have changed allat. it was great and fun as was.

storywise i don't... to put it succinctly, i don't like this game's story. it's boring to me. i don't necessarily care about my son, or my spouse, with the 5 minutes i spent with them during the tutorial and the "hey honey!" holotape you gave me is doing nothing to change that in any way. also, while on the subject of spouses, the game tries SO HARD to railroad (heh heh) you into being the male sole survivor- he NARRATES the damn intro ffs (and replacing the legend ron perlman is a crime which can never be forgiven) AND is a veteran (combat+power armor experience) and nora... is a lawyer? a job in which it would make no sense for her to already have power armor training or experience with weapons. (oatus the power armor ui is fucking ugly and gross too and i've literally never used it outside its introduction with the minutemen because of this) i think the fact that i don't give 2 shits about my son is why the institute is soooooo dry to me. like, why am i supposed to side with these assholes? because my son who is an old man is, what, their dad? or something? (also shaun being the gen 3 synths "father" and you being able to romance a whole slew of gen 3 synths is... weird, plainly put) also the factions are just boring to me. like no flavor at all. i don't want to bring up Beautiful Golden Child New Vegas (but i do) but like... obsidian did the "choose a faction" thing a whole helluva lot better. like i don't really give a shit at all about any of the stakes or factions within fo4 like even a little bit all i care about is my Guys who are my Friends and we Kill People Together.

also this is like very petty and opiniony but i don't like how good the graphics are i feel like fallout is a game franchise meant to look a little shitty

tldr; fallout 4 would be such a good game if it was a good game

[allsaiint]

↠  simon “ghost” riley/reader

↠  word count: 700

↠  masterlist

↠ description: simon’s demons creep up.

↠ warnings: very vague mentions of death, self-loathing, potentially cringy handling of ptsd idfk

↠ author’s notes: even now i’m hesitant to post this bc of the fandom’s general characterization of ghost but i also really like how i wrote this so-- yolo. it’s based off of a dialogue prompt (the first sentence) and completely unbeta-ed-- also yolo. i really suck at endings and at this point i’m not sure that’ll ever change.

“I don’t hate you. God, I could never hate you.”

Simon, with his head still in his hands, snorted. “You should. I don’t deserve—”

You, up until then, had remained stationary on the other side of the coffee table. Now, you made your way around to kneel before Simon. A touch on his knee made him flinch— almost jerk away before the fight seemed to leave him in a rushed breath.

“There’s so much you don’t deserve, Simon,” you said, reaching up to wrap your hands around his wrists. “This isn’t one of those things. You deserve me and this life and good things, Simon.”

“I’m— I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,” he said, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Everyone around me gets hurt.”

You sighed and glanced at the file sitting on the couch beside him. One of his team had gotten hurt during a routine mission and as with all things related to Simon, it had triggered something unexpected. He so rarely talked about his past but what you had pieced together painted a very unpretty picture.

“Everyone gets hurt, Simon,” you said, careful to be as gentle as you could without tapering into pity. “It’s a part of our job. You can’t save everyone, and you can’t blame yourself for their decisions. You know that.”

Simon remained resistant, pulling away from you to reach for his mask. The trembling of his hands sent it to the floor instead, but the way he leaned to fetch it left him open and vulnerable.

Wrapping your arms around his neck forced him to stop before he could get his fingers on his only safety net and, at the risk of hurting her, he relented. Quicker than you expected, his arms came around your back, and you were pulled up to your knees to make the hold easier.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Simon tried this time, breathing the words into your hair. 

The sound of his voice was fragile and a testament to his own state of mind. It told you how you would need to proceed if you wanted to draw him back from whatever brink he currently stood on. There had been many moments like this for both of you after how long you had been together. You knew there was no way to absolve him of these feelings, but you could coax him down to reality again— at least for a while.

“I’m here, Simon,” you said, nosing at the curve of his jaw. The day’s worth of stubble scratched your skin, and you could smell sweat and gun oil and the chemical newness from the mask that he wore. “Right now, I’m right here, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

You pressed your hand flat over his heart as you said it. Through his shirt, it raced too fast, beating against your palm like it wanted to escape the confines of his ribs. Not for the first time, you wished there was some way to take this fear from him. Anger over a loss you could take, but seeing Simon so broken by fear was terrifying. It was an unnatural thing to witness, like Soap frowning or Price turning down a cigar. 

Simon covered your hand with his and let out a long breath. The next inhale was deep, and he held it for a handful of seconds before it was let out. Slowly, with each breath, the pace of his heart settled into something more regular, and you knew he was back with you when chapped lips touched your temple.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled, and the layers to it were endless.

“You never have to apologize,” you answered, pulling back to touch his face with the tips of your fingers. “Just means you’re human, Simon.”

“Only because of you, love.” He turned into your hand and dragged his lips across your palm. “You remind me I am.”

“Always,” you said, smiling at the tender show of affection. Not that it was rare with Simon, but after months of pretending they were anything but superior and subordinate, it was a relief to have it again. “Come back to bed, now?”

“Yeah, love. ‘M right behind you.”

[shiraishi--kanade]

uhhh it was more so random things I thought they might go for? I'll list them

one way the argument could come about would be maybe through the record label RADder was under?? if they're still around they may have picked up on RAD blast and sought them out - then the argument comes from if accepting the offer would only continue to put them in RADder's shadow (An wants to go for it since they may struggle to find another opportunity/Nagi, Akito is against it since the point of RAD Blast had been to establish themselves as Not RADder) (maybe too forced and they may want to move on from the RADder stuff now the arc is over) (actually I just rewatched the end of Over Rad Squad because I thought there were some mystery people and yeah there is. maybe the record label people are those guys.)

again, Toya will probably be more of a middle ground considering his role in An5 and Kohane is not someone who would get into this argument I feel but. if we get a moment to see their opinions outside of the more aggressive bit I'd like to see them not side with Akito/An respectively. this is just my personal wishes of wanting to see how VBS has grown closer/to respect each other - that they may not necessarily agree with their respective partner but are willing to hear the other out.

also something about it reflecting on main story Akito. how an Akito who fully argued over the miscommunication with Toya around a year ago in-universe is now part of a tight-nit group of 4 who may have differing opinions but finds it easier to be civil. aka not punching someone in the face. that may be a bit of a stretch though.

but yeah that's it.

I have actually mainly ment going under a label as well!! Though I think RADder had their own recording label at a later date and ended the relationship with their last one on a pretty bad note (LUtF chapter 6 I think it was mentioned) so it's unlikely to be the same guys who managed RADder imo but the possibility that someone scouted them in general is very very real in my mind and I think that would be interesting! As of right now we've had a mostly strict divide of L/n actively looking for a label and MMJ actively trying to stay indie (irrc), and I don't think these apply to WxS and N25's activity really, so I'd actually love to see VBS be at the crossroad of "do we want to stay indie and have a harder time all around or go under an label and potentially sign away creative freedom?", especially since this is such a real conflict so many bands have eventually. And it's even harder to actually say which side either will be on because it really can go either way!

Also I agree that I absolutely don't want TouKoha to just blindly take sides if this does happen; they've definitely deserved much more agency than that and it would just be silly. I would actually like TouKoha to both remain kinda neutral-ish and discuss the Argument Topic among themselves in a calmer and more measured way and potentially serve as mediators. Either that, or I want them to actually be opposing their partners - e.g in a scenario where they're presented with an opportunity and a label willing to take them if Akito is willing to take the offer and An isn't, I think Touya taking An's side and Kohane Akito's would be an interesting premise.

Obviously a lot of this is speculation that we have literally no basis for but It's an interesting discussion to have nonetheless! :D

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

So you want to listen to Alice Nine? (prt. 1)

...and you don't know where to start? I feel you. I was overwhelmed when I started with them too. There's a lot to try but, I got you.

So like my previous post on this series, I won't go into details about the band, you can look that part up. All you need to know, imo is that it's they are currently on hiatus. Another thing you might wonder is if the members are still active. Tora, Saga and Nao are mostly active behind the scenes. Tora is making music videos for other creators and helps Shou out too (Diawolf are still active too, their duet band) and Nao has been doing live performances with Hiroto recently and supporting his solo project. As for Saga, I don't remember if it was Nao who said it but someone from them, on Saga's birthday said Saga is preparing a project so, I guess he will go solo as well, soon. As for Shou and Hiroto, they both have solo projects, now, Verde and well, simply Hiroto, accordingly. To the music now.

[side note: Some fans might disagree with my choices or think I should add 1-2 more songs, but this is just an opinion. If you wish to make a list of your own go ahead, every person has different criteria on what feels easier to listen to first, or showcases a band's colors best. Oh and btw, the era separation I've used is my personal take, not a commonly accepted categorization in the fandom so, don't get it twisted, I just thought it'd be easier to explain stuff like that.]

Alice Nine is a band with a huge discography and quite a big history, so I think that, suggestions should be separated in eras. Maybe early Alice Nine might not be your thing, or the opposite, their final version might not be your thing. I will distribute them accordingly though, no worries. And because tumblr limits videos to 10 per post, each era will have its own post. Let's start:

Early Alice Nine years (2004-2007 From "Gradation" to "Alpha")

During this era, Shou's singing style had a characteristic turn to a deeper side, like, I dunno how to describe it but it sounds like making a "belly" to me, a curve inwards and some people liked it, others didn't. Take me and my sister for example. I loved it, she hates it. If you are into more early 00s visual kei sounds, you will probably like this one. There is a certain allure to that era for me, stronger visual, more dramatic melodies, it was fun. :3

I mean Gradation is good and all, but the earliest release of theirs that was grasping enough for my liking was this one. No I didn't meet them with this one, I just think this is one of their strongest songs of that era. It has an anime feeling, a late 90s feeling even, for me. Not 90s visual kei. 90s Japan in general. Even though I became a fan in 2012, this one made me feel like a little girl again, watching anime in my room. Maybe it's just me. But yeah there is something about it. Something from another time. And Tora's solo ugh <3.

Arguably their most chaotic clip ever but ok xD. That aside, the single of Yami ni Chiru Sakura is amazing as a whole, so you can try Byakuya ni Kuroneko as well. But yeah this is a heavier goodie from their early days and one I would definitely recommend from this era.

Ok if you're new to Alice Nine, this song might not mean much to you, but it is easy to listen to and easily one of their best from that era. Jdoramas were peaking and the stories of vkei bands claiming they started either together from school or meeting after school and practised were many so, Alice Nine combined both and the rest is history.

Another harder songs for those of you who like a bit of wildness in your music.

Oh this? This is bias. This is one of my top 10 Alice Nine songs that's why it's here xD. And this is exactly the type of singing my sister hates from Shou, but I love. :D In this song it's clearer than other songs, to me. Maybe it's just me. Maybe my ears are weird. But in my defence, I've had both a professional musician/vocal instructor and a music producer say good things about my ear for music before. =3=

I have this thing that, when in a favorite band of mine, a member who happens not to be the singer tries out singing for the first time and does it well, my heart flatters like a little butterfly. xD This was the first time Saga ever sang with Shou like this and I'm glad that years later this became a more frequent thing. I think it's a very lovely song and easy to hear if you're starting up.

This used to be very popular among foreign fans once, I like it very much too, however I will say this; It took me a while to like it personally. I give it a 50-50 as to whether you will like it now or later. If you don't like it now but you eventually get into Alice Nine, I'd suggest you come back after a few years, cause it's actually very good.

The Alpha album for me was the transitional point from their baby era to PSC's princes era, again if I am to take this vocally and thematicaly. The band had already changed to a less costumy and over the top outfits to just really fashionable or elegant mixes of clothes, and Shou's characteristic vocal curve I mentioned, earlier, turnt from his main style to just one of the many hues in his voice. Why I focus so much on his vocals? Because a) some people might enjoy the following era more than this one I've been showing you thus far cause of it and b) cause if you choose to stay in the fandom, sooner or later you might come across the bullshit from "fans" who kept barking he can't sing. Shou has had some pitfalls in his career but if we are talking skill, he does have it, but some voices just aren't for everyone. Don't confuse personal preference with someone's skill. But we'll talk specifically about that in a specific song of the next era. About 9th revolver now, it is soft, easy to the ear and something that perhaps most people starting out won't find easily, as it has no mv, it's not talked about a lot, you get it. Very much worth a listen imo.

That's all about this post, guys. I'd have loved to do it all in one go, but tumblr limits me. Next era in part 2.

I hope you find sth you like, if not, it's ok, you might enjoy sth from other eras. But well, if you still don't find sth, we all like different things, it's alright, but yeah, this was an attempt to entice more people listen to one of my favorite bands, Alice Nine (their earliest releases at least).