#as a reminder I am more active on my Instagram account

[xxivletxx]

m!Corrin thingies by yours truly

[its-time-to-write]

chapter 7

y’all I am SO SORRY this is so late. I’ve been caught up with end-of-year stuff at work and planning for next year. but I’m posting the last two chapters now🙃

I’m not sure how active I’ll be moving forward lol, 2025 is shaping up to be a pretty big year for me, professionally speaking, and that either means I’ll have more free time or less. Idk. But thank you for supporting my writing!!! You guys make me happy🩵🩵🩵

table of contents

found god at your ex’s house

To be entirely honest, the longest and only conversation you’ve ever had with goddamn Keeley Jones was at the Prada show right before you found out about Bean’s existence.��

You’d prefer to keep it that way but fucking Madeline is friends with her so now you’re headed to a stupid, awful, horrible girls’ night at her house and you’d rather fucking die.

Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. But your experiences concerning Keeley have been unpleasant at best. 

She first caught your notice in a tabloid on a yacht with Jamie and a screaming headline to match your screaming mind. It was two weeks after Jamie came over for the last time and apparently not enough time to get over him.

You’d gone straight to Madeline’s to scream into a pillow.

Then she was in your instagram, and when you had blocked her she appeared in fan edits and fucking WAG accounts. Then she was at the Prada show and in magazines and on the telly. It felt like no matter how much you tried to shut her out, Keeley fucking Jones remained as a painful reminder.

It wasn’t her fault per se, but you hated the role she played in Jamie’s deterioration. 

And now Madeline is fucking friends with her.

“What the actual hell, Madeline,” you groan. “Keeley fucking Jones? Are you serious? She’s the fucking worst. AND she’s not to be trusted! The girl hardly has two braincells to rub together.”

Madeline rolls her eyes. “I understand that you hate her. But she’s kind and sweet and actually a bit brilliant. I’m not going to tell her about you or Bean, but she’s not some vile, boyfriend-stealing bitch.”

“I’m not saying that,” you reply as you try to get Clare to burp. “I’m just saying that the girl could stand to grow up a little.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. She has. I think you’d like her.”

“Fuck off,” you scoff right as Clare burps. “See? Clare agrees.”

Madeline shrugs. “Clare is three months old. She doesn’t get a vote.”

You wrinkle your nose and say, “You mean unless she agrees with you, right?” and Madeline smiles her most angelic smile. 

“All I’m saying is you’re more than welcome to come with me tonight.”

“I’d rather die,” you inform her.

—

Jamie has the day off. They won against Aston Villa on Sunday so he’s supposed to be resting, but he’s never been very good at that.

So he does what any self-respecting person would do and goes to his ex’s house.

He forgets Roy fucking Kent is going to be there until the man himself has opened the door but Jamie musters up some arrogance and breezes right by him. Keeley knows he’s coming anyway, so he’s not going to be harassed by some grumpy old twat.

Roy must be sick or something because he doesn’t say anything. If Jamie weren’t so consumed with his own worries he might actually be concerned.

But he’s not so he sits on Keeley’s couch like he belongs there and lets her hand him a cup of tea before she sits down next to him.

Roy isn’t far off, pretending to read a book but Jamie is abso-fucking-lutely positive he hasn’t turned a single page yet.

But absolutely FUCK it because he needs Keeley’s professional, girl opinion.

“I’ve got a kid,” he says, and both Keeley and Roy do absolutely horrible jobs at pretending they’re shocked.

“Fuck off, how the fuck did you know?” he protests. “Was it Ted?”

Roy and Keeley exchange a Look and it just makes Jamie madder.

“Technically it was Coach Beard,” Keeley says in a mousy voice. “We figured you’d tell us when you were ready, Jamie.”

That’s just confusing. “How the fuck did Beard know?” he asks.

“Kid looks just fucking like you,” Roy says and that makes Jamie mad too because when the fuck did Roy see Clare?

“I saw them on the green when I was with Phoebe,” Roy clarifies and Jamie takes a minute to file that away as Roy Kent’s first-ever non-swearing sentence.

He says, “fucking hell,” because really, fucking hell. He went from not knowing he had a baby to knowing to apparently the whole Richmond coaching staff knowing (and apparently meeting) her.

Keeley asks, “Is that why you’re here, babes?” and her gentle voice actually makes him want to fucking cry so he just nods and puts his head in his hands.

“Don’t know shit about being a dad,” he says, voice muffled, and Roy slams his book shut because apparently he has shit to say.

“Fuck off, Tartt,” he says. “Stop being a little bitch.”

Keeley exclaims, “Roy!” but she’s also curious about what he has to say because she doesn’t do anything else to stop him.

“I fucking mean it,” he continues. “You fucking come here expecting to fucking cry on the couch and be told you’re fucking shit at something and throw a fucking pity party, so fuck off. You might be a shit father, you don’t fucking know, but that girl doesn’t fucking think so and if I were her, I’d hate your fucking guts. So untwist your fucking pants and stop being a fucking whiny little bitch. Go fucking be a dad and if you’re shit, you’re shit. But stop looking for fucking sympathy for something you’ve made up in your stupid fucking twat brain.”

With that he pushes himself out of his chair, swears at his knee, and disappears into the kitchen, presumably to remain silent for the next year since he’s met his word quota.

Jamie looks at Keeley as if to say, Are you hearing this prick? but Keeley just lifts a shoulder and says, “He’s right, babe. You’ve got to actually go do something about it.”

So Jamie pinches the bridge of his nose and recounts everything his mum told him over the phone for some extra review.

—

Clare is easy, as far as babies go, but for some reason tonight she’s decided to be an absolute terror. She won’t eat, won’t go to sleep, won’t calm down. She just cries and cries and no matter how many times you check her temperature or her diaper, she cannot get it back together.

It doesn’t help that you’re tired, either. Like, newborn-level tired. And hungry, too. You’d order in but Clare hasn’t even allowed that so you open the fridge as best you can while bouncing Clare up and down. All you can see is a jar of gherkins, a can of soda, and some lemons. 

And a fucking banana which must be Madeline’s because you’d rather die of starvation than eat that shit.

Fucking hell.

I am not going to cry you tell yourself sternly, except that doesn’t do anything except allow tears to well up faster than if you’d just let it alone.

You can’t call Madeline because she’s at Keeley’s and you’ll be damned if you interrupt her girls’ night. Madeline didn’t sign up to be tied down and she deserves a non-parent friend, so she’s not an option.

For a split second, you debate calling Jamie. But that’s a level of desperation you haven’t quite reached. You close the fridge and are saved from deciding what to do next by a knock on the door.

Clare wails like she’s being murdered, so you hope it isn’t the police but it isn’t, it’s just Jamie with a bag of groceries. He’s in the house setting up in the kitchen before your brain catches up with your eyes and Clare just cries the whole time. 

You know exactly what he’s making before he’s even pulled out half the ingredients. It’s chicken pesto risotto, the dish you always begged him to make whenever he had a moment of free time. Jamie can cook maybe four things in total, but damn he can cook them well. He slices some bread, puts it on a plate with some butter and hands it to you, swapping the plate for Clare so easily that if you didn’t know better you’d think he’s been doing it his whole life. She stops crying the moment she’s in his arms and honestly, you’re too tired to worry about it. You crash on the couch and fall asleep after two bites.

It’s dark out when you wake up, but the lights are on in the house and it’s warm. Someone’s gently caressing the top of your head and saying your name, so you open your eyes to Jamie standing over you.

He’s looking at you with a soft expression, and your heart aches. It all feels too painfully normal.

He says, “Food’s ready,” and holds out a hand for you to grab.

You hesitate for the barest fraction of a moment before taking it. “Little Bean’s asleep in her bed,” he continues. “You hungry? Figured we could eat then you can go back to sleep.”

You nod. “Smells good, J. Are you planning on spending the night, then?”

Jamie shrugs. “I thought- I don’t know, I thought maybe you could use a break.”

He sits next to you at the table. The food’s been set out, and it’s still warm. It’s also the first meal you haven’t been responsible for in a good long while.

“So you’re just here now,” you say. “You’re the kind of person who shows up, cooks dinner, puts the baby to bed and watches telly in the evenings? You could barely handle a relationship, and now you want a fucking family? You can leave me all you want, but I swear to God, Jamie, I will murder you if you hurt Clare.”

It’s frustrating because it feels like you’re at an impasse. Jamie can come back once he’s shown he’s changed, but he can’t really show he’s changed if he can’t fucking come back, can he?

It doesn’t matter that he probably has changed and you know deep down that even he isn’t a big enough dick to abandon his daughter.

Jamie says, “I am. I mean, I won’t. I mean, fucking hell, you don’t have to fucking murder me, yeah? Just give me a chance, like.”

You snort. “Do you even know how to change a diaper?”

Jamie says, “Googled it, didn’t I?” and that makes you genuinely laugh. Of course he did. But you laugh too loud and it wakes up Clare, who lets you know she’s irritated with a shriek. You knock your head lightly against the table and whisper, “Fuck,” before putting down your fork. You push your chair out and Jamie stands, lightning-fast.

“I got it,” he tells you, and you raise an eyebrow.

You reply, “Okay,” because if he’s going to act like a father, he’s going to have to put in the work. And you’re hungry and this is your favorite meal. Besides, what’s the worst that’s going to happen?

So Jamie goes to Clare’s room where she’s sobbing like there’s no tomorrow and you continue to eat while straining your ears to make sure Jamie isn’t panicking.

Unfortunately, you didn’t account for the fact that the worst thing that could happen is Jamie comes back out after ten minutes with a sleeping Clare on his chest and he looks so fucking hot that you want to jump his bones then and there. 

Jamie is thankfully oblivious. He sits back down and pats Clare on the back so she doesn’t wake up again.

“How’s the food?” he whispers. “Haven’t cooked in fuckin’ ages.”

“Good,” you whisper back and then you lapse into silence. 

 “I can stay the night, if you want,” Jamie offers after a bit, and you glare.

“Not like that,” he hastily amends, “I mean if you want to sleep. I can feed Clare and whatever.”

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. “Jamie. What the fuck do you want from me? You can’t fucking come back here and play house when you want, and I get it, your dad’s a piece of shit and you don’t want to be like him. But you’re in the fucking Prem, Jamie.”

(“Got relegated,”) he mouths, but you just keep talking. “Fine. You’re in the Championship but everyone knows you at least are making it back to the Premier League and someday you’ll be with a team in the Champion’s League and that’s a lot of travel. It’s a lot of nights alone, and you’re not exactly the kind of person who likes sleeping alone.

Jamie looks offended at that, but it’s true. He’s twenty-six and in his prime.

This whole thing is just one giant circle with no solution. 

“Oi,” he says, and he’s got his serious expression on. “I don’t want anything from you. I want you. Not even because of Clare, but she’s mint. I was coming to find you the other night because I wanted to fix things. I told you that. I meant it, I want to get back together. I know I’m hard to love sometimes but swear down, I want to make it work. Keeley’s on me about commitment and shit and I dunno, it sounds nice. I’m fucking tired of fucking around. That shit’s exhausting.”

“Yeah, because a baby and a girlfriend isn’t fucking exhausting as well.”

Jamie wrinkles his nose. “Fucking Garnacho’s having a kid. If that little shit can handle it, I can too.”

You concede. He has a point. “Fine. You can spend the night. I’m going to shower and then pass out, which means you’ve got the dishes and Clare. You can sleep in the guest room, yeah? I’ll set up the baby monitor.”

Jamie smiles, and before you can really think it through, you lean over to kiss his cheek.

“Thank you,” you say softly before heading upstairs. You’re going to get an earful from Madeline later, but for now you’re going to get good sleep for the first night in a long while.

next chapter

[pizzabox-box]

Not a question about anything pizza tower related, I'm just curious about you (in the least creepy way you can take that)! Do you have other blogs/social media accounts (wants to see more art)? What're your pronouns/a name you want to go by? /Most/ importantly, what's the art program(s) you use? It reminds me so much of an old mobile app I used to use, but I think it's pure coincidence!

I go by Rookie Cookie/Rookie/Pizzabox .My pronouns she/her or they/them. My main blog is @rookies-cookies-art so if you see blog named rookies-cookies-art liking your stuff that's me! But there isn't much on there yet. (In fact, there's absolutely nothing yet)

This was actually supposed to be a side blog for the event for when I sometimes make something Pizza Tower related. But I got carried away and well, you know the rest. I became that one full time Pizza Tower artist that mixes fake and real Peppino in various ways and reports the results. (oh well)

In case you want to chat my discord is: rookie_cookie_

You can also find me on instagram under the name: rookie_cookie_

But beware:

I am not active on there anymore

it's Minecraft focused

The art is pretty outdated. I mean I'm not bad, but it's kinda edgy and angsty, especially the older drawings (I say as if whatever is going on with all these au's isn't dark and angsty lol )

I draw my stuff with the help of a regular tablet and a finger. And I have been doing so for the last 6 years. (don't worry I still have all of my fingers👍)

I use sony Sketch. A great ad free app, I have been using that since very begining :) Sometimes when I want to draw on my PC I use Drawpile.

Besides Pizza Tower I'm big fan of all sorts of evolution/creature games (Spore,Thrive,Elysian Eclipse you name it! ) And building/creative focused/chill games. (Slime rancher FTW :D)

Aside from drawing my other hobbies include all kinds of crafts (sculpting) and p l a n t s .

[ryealize]

🦋 きらきら星！

Disclaimer. Please read before adding.

ARIN WESTED

Pleasantries! Allow me to express my gratitude to all of you. The admin would like to clarify things that will appear on this account to avoid possible misunderstandings and conflicts that will might occur as soon as I start roleplaying my chosen muse. So please spare some time to read this as I will briefly discuss everything here. Make reading a habit.

To start with, I would like to state that I'm not the real Arin Wested and in no way related to her, her relatives, and her company. I do not have any intention to ruin her image and career. This account was solely made for roleplaying purposes only. And I will be using this account to promote her and her future projects. Arin Wested is an South Korean Youtuber known for posting content about her daily life. She also posts beauty and baking content. She currently has 580,000 subscribers on her YouTube channel, wested_arin. She began to showcase various aspects of her life on her YouTube channel in 2020 and starts to expand her contents posting beaty and baking related later on. With an concentration upon relatable and diverse topics, she has gained fame among viewers whom appreciate her insights and experiences. Moreover, the pictures and videos that I will be attaching to my posts are all from Facebook, Youtube, Instagram, and other social media platforms. While the captions were all made by the user of this account. So please do not steal it as it takes hours for me to finish it. In addition, I will be using the English language for my posts. You will probably see some grammatical errors as English is not my first language. If you see some, it will be a big help for me to improve more if you will nicely educate me through private message. 

Furthermore, Please be reminded that I will only accept those accounts that will be commenting here and will not be accepting accounts that have fancy fonts on their timeline and accounts that are still on hiatus or closed. As I am aiming for active, friendly, and interactive mutual. So that I can interact with all of you. I avoid inactive and displays on my friend list due to I'm having a hard time unfriending mutuals that is no longer active. Please do proceed to the comment section if you wish to be accepted. Make sure to reply with the right code for acceptance. If you have any concerns do not hesitate to slide on my private message.

Love, Ilaerye.

[large-baguette-112]

omg an intro post??? in this economy???

Uhhh hi!! I'm Nugget! (though Nug or Nugs is fine as well :])

I'm a 20 year old artist and aspiring author who just likes reblogging my blorbos,,

my current fixations are Rain World, Hollow Knight, Ōkami, Runaway To The Stars (made by @/jayrockin), Outer Wilds, The August Few by Sam Fennah and taxidermy, but I mostly reblog Rain World related stuffs rn smdhdjd

I'm aroace and nonbinary, I use any/all pronouns, but feel free to just use they/them if you don't wanna get confused!

I have an art account!! @large-band-112

more under the cut because I don't wanna make this post very long BAHAHA

DNI Stuffs

(will be updated as time goes on, I'm just listing stuff off the top of my head rn)

If you're racist, pedophilic, ableist, homophobic, nazi, an AI artist, or just generally an asshole you will be blocked as soon as I find out. I do not tolerate any of this on my page.

As for tagging..

I try to keep this account fairly sfw, but i do occasionally reblog some suggestive posts (nothing raunchy tho dw) if I deem them safe-ish enough. I do my best to tag them accordingly!

I will try to tag any triggers or just general uncomfortable things, but I do not have the best knowledge of such things and will likely not know to tag them. If there is something I reblog/post frequently and it is a triggering subject, please let me know. I'm not very well versed on such things and would appreciate the assistance! I will do my best otherwise.

Also!!

If you're a mutual or just really wanna get to know me, feel free to dm me/ask for my discord!! I'm always down for a chat but I do have suuper bad social anxiety. If it takes me a while to respond I'm likely just trying to gather the courage to talk to you!

I am okay with people using my art to heavily reference or trace with credit (optional but preferred)!!!

the only thing I ask of you is if I can see it when it's done! I don't mind people using my art to help improve their own works, i actually love seeing it! However one thing i do NOT accept is people using my art for AI. do that shit and i will explode you forever actually

While my dms are open to mutuals who need to vent, I want a warning first. Nothing big, just ask before you begin so I can have the time to prepare myself.

While I am quite active here, I also have an Instagram! My art account there is large_band112, you'll find my main in its bio, but I don't post often there any more :)

I will say, I'm not as informed about stuff as I'd like to be.. If I say or do something offensive, please, please let me know. I will do my best to reeducate myself. I also ask to be patient with me, as sometimes I forget things, and will likely need to be reminded (just like.. outdated things that have new names n such for example).

[bogstertheblogster]

MORE ABOUT me :3

Hey hi okay so trying this again, Boggy here! Yeah, so…… ALSO FIRST PROSHIP AND NSFW DNI!!!

Anyways

Before getting into introduction I would like to state that I am in FULL support of Palestine. Any Zionist who comes across my account will get blocked. So I’d like to leave a few go fund me links and a reminder to do daily clicks! If you are able to donate then please take a look!

I plan to share and repost as much as I can about Palestine if I do end up being more active on here

🇵🇸GOFUNDME LINKS!

Evacuate family from Gaza to safety

Support them to get through life in Gaza

Help family escape genocide

Help them in Gaza

Use arab.org and do your daily clicks!

If you can or know somebody who can donate please spread it around!!

I know it’s not the greatest, if I come across any more I’ll update it here OR make a seperate post including more links and ways to help Palestine!

I’m a 14 year old from New Zealand (moved to Australia a few years ago) that does art! I wouldn’t call myself good at it but I have gotten way better over the years.

Any pronouns || Agender || Asexual

I’m currently VERY hyperfixated on Lego monkie kid! It’s what I mainly post about. There are rare moments where I do post/talk about any other interests I have!

MAIN INTERESTS

#legomonkiekid

#tangledtheseries

#vat7k

(This will probably change time to time)

I’m not sure how active I plan to be on tumblr this time but I do want to try post more on here and other platforms I’m on!!!

Twitter - Mostly dead now😓

Instagram - Tend to post art from time to time, more active on here!!

TikTok - Somewhat active, post edits and doodles here and there

Bluesky - WAY more active on here, where I usually hangout now

You can catch me on there! If you ever do want to talk I recommend dming me on Bluesky or Instagram, I’ll most likely see it faster on there (and if you’re a moot of mine and you have my discord don’t be scared to talk to me on there!!!)

Well mostly random info!!!

I do want to post oc art at some point but I’m not exactly the biggest on Tumblr right now hah maybe at some point

Also I don’t mind making any new mutuals, I doubt I’ll find any here but hey it’s worth a shot. It wouldn’t hurt getting to know more people!!

I’ll update this if I ever need to but other than that

Apologies for how long this is

Thank you, bye!!

[arcane-abomination]

These are my Art and Social Media accounts. I do have more but these are the only ones I am active on anymore. I’ll add to this list as things develop.

🌹⚜️ Bluesky ⚜️ 🌹

🌹⚜️ Toyhouse ⚜️🌹

🌹⚜️ Instagram ⚜️🌹

🌹⚜️ TikTok ⚜️🌹

🌹⚜️ Discord ⚜️🌹

I do have rules for interactions. Please follow them. Or I’ll block you!

Don’t message me for dating purposes. I’m happily married.

I don’t interact with certain types of people. You can find the list HERE!

Don’t message me for sexual purposes. I may write and draw porn but that doesn’t mean I want to do that stuff IRL with you.

Sometimes it may take a bit to return messages. I do have ADHD so it can slip my mind. Please politely remind me.

I don’t do drama. Please kindly leave me out of your mess. I don’t mind if CLOSE FRIENDS rant and let off steam but if I don’t know you that well I don’t care. Sorry to be blunt but there’s a big difference in people that I consider a meaningful part of my life and people I barely know or don’t know that well.

I’m up for friendly debates on various subjects but just not religion and my beliefs.

Constructive critique is welcome, but not blatant criticism. Constructive Critique is unbiased and lists positive points and negative points in a polite manner with the intention of improving certain skills. Blatant criticism does not. It can often come off as rude and is extremely bias. It plays on the commenters personal agenda and taste rather than the creators intentions and subject matter. In turn, it doesn’t offer any advice for meaningful improvement.

[alwaysbringabookwithyou]

24.04.2023 The person behind the account!!

Hello - I’m not on here a lot but I wanted to remind you all that I’m still around and actually am much more active over on my Instagram @phdoingmydamnbest

I’ve come a long way since starting this account as a teen, to turning it into an active book blogging space after my stroke to help me rediscover joy and help my recovery, and now I’m getting my PhD!

If you want to support me as I try doing this thing honesty the BEST thing to do is to come be in community with me over on insta. If even like 10% of people did that here it would make such a huge and helpful difference! I appreciate you all and this platform so much - it’s brought me a long way!

[hypergamiss]

Hello mam

I'm a 18 yr old girl and I am in a dilemma. So all of my friends are on social media, i.e., insta to be specific whereas I m active too but I'm not social( I just watch reels) . But recently I feel the urge to make an official account. But I think of it as immature and time wasting because I constantly stereotype it like that. This doesn't make me feel good about myself. But I want to talk to my friends on insta, what is your take? Also i have exams in 20 days so I feel confused

Thank you

I don’t have an official take for you because I don’t use social media for personal use. If you want to have an Instagram account to feel some sense of community with your friends that’s completely up to you. Just make sure it doesn’t affect your mental health. People like to flaunt and project a perfect life on social media, so remind yourself that that isn’t reality. We are all imperfect and going through our own personal struggles.

Another thing to consider is your digital footprint. These companies are gathering more data on you than you could possibly imagine. And it’s not to benefit you at all, only them. I most recently learned about an ai program that will pull a persons meta account data and analyze it to predict how likely they are to become a felon.

[motleyfolk]

Examining How I Use The Internet

Prompted by this page I’ve realised I’m doing a lot of mindless scrolling and procrastinating a lot with the internet. Time to fix that. Mari Kondo’ing this shit.

Reddit: I mindlessly scroll and always gravitate to drama subs like AITA, which just depresses the life out of me and drags me into negativity. 

Solution: Block the bad subreddits with stayfree and use it to put a limit on how much time I spend on there, so I can still access useful and informative subreddits but not doomscroll. Stayfree did heehaw but I found a simple extension that blocked the subreddits and then used Ublock to hide popular posts so basically it’s just my specific feed now. Win!

Tumblr: I also mindlessly scroll here, albeit less. Sometimes on instinct I feel the need to put on a persona or post certain things or overly clarify things to appease spectators I’ve crafted in my head or feel a need to perform. Makes using this site stressful.

Solution: Remind myself this tumblr is my digital journal and while I’m open to making friends this is not something I’m doing to get clout. I am here to collect, learn and explore. 

Twitter: I rarely go on it anymore, and I just don’t like it. The only things that were on it that I liked were cute and cozy aesthetic accounts, but even then nah.

Solution: Delete it. Twitter gone woo crab rave

Discord: I use it the most to talk directly to irl and online friends, have a bookclub and get updates on random stuff. Sometimes it feels like a void.

Solution: ?? Need it to talk to friends. Just meditate or smth. Like tumblr, don’t feel the need to perfom or put on a persona. Vibe only.

Youtube: Also started procrastinating by going on there with the intention to watch this One Specific video and then I’m on the 4th Im Skylar White Yo lego video. 

Solution: See if there’s something that can block the yt homepage and just see subscriptions or smth. ABSOLUTE UBLOCK W HOW IS THIS SO EASY AND I NEVER KNEW?!

Emails: I’m scared to even touch my gmails bc of the amount of spam mail I’ve accumulated since I was 8.

Solution: Buckle up and start unsubscribing to junk mail and clearing them out THEN switch from gmail to literally anything. Done techgirl email

Internet In General: I think I use a decent not centralized browser. I use yt adblock like a champ. But I really need to go over security notes, find a vpn, make sure this browser is cool, download that torrent browser thing sometime. 

Solution: Find vpn, get torrent browser thing, use throw away emails or card info.

I also generally feel like I have to put on a performance. Is this down to that one time I was a microceleb in this one niche shitty instagram community? Maybe. Theres a voice at the back of my head like “Will this get notes? Will people laugh at this? Does this fit? Will this slightly put someone off?” and its exhausting because I’m not here to get clout I’m just wanting to chill!! I do however want to make friends and meet like-minded folks, don’t wanna create an echo chamber for myself. Hm...

Solution: Recognise this behaviour, the thoughts. Listen to them, deconstruct them, let them pass. Do this constantly. Do not engage them or let them influence you. (realising this sounds like some spc lmao)

I sometimes skip posts with hardly any upvotes or notes because unconciously Im only paying attention to bigger posts. This means I miss out on tons.

Solution: Use good ol ublock to hide note and upvote elements.

Spotify: Love music. Like the spotify wrapped thing. Hate spotify, it is evil company. I don’t even pay for it thanks to my bestie. But...

Solution: Compile music elsewhere (where ?)

Instagram: I’m not actually active on it, I just still have it bc it has tons of cool anime edits I’ve saved over the years. But I hate zuckergram.

Solution: Export the sick edits and delete zuckergram. I will do this on my phone.

End Notes

Compared to a year ago I’m much more aware of how I’m using the internet. My phone usage is down to nilch, it’s almost like I never spent 16 hours a day on instagram straight as a kid.

Having a path still ahead to walk down doesn’t negate the mountain I climbed before.

The sites I use most are Reddit, YT, Tumblr, Discord. Thats four I’ve whittled it down to, which is actually an ok number, not too bad. One for solitary reading, one for spooks and funny videos, one for semi solitary blogging, one for communication.

Should come back to this later and re-examine things and not forget to do these things.

[blockednddeleted]

Start of Something New

Hi.

It's December 16th 2024. 3:39 AM. The world seems to be on some sort of cataclysmic downwards spiral, heading to some kind of disaster that will have us remembering these horrible moments we're living atm as the idyllic "before times." So, now seems like the perfect time to start something new, to take steps on my personal journey of growth and healing by putting myself out there. Or rather, further out into the digital world, a world I've been desperately terrified of since forever...in a time of international crises and turmoil — I have excellent timing.

But the "right" time was never going to happen. And as the years have ticked on and I've gotten older and older, I realized the only person that's been holding me back from the things I want in life is me. This is something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, and I’m finally doing it! Taking this step of creating a dedicated tumblr to share my art, my thoughts, and a piece of myself in this space.

Now, don't go misunderstanding me here, I've been on tumblr for ages. But I've existed mostly as a kind of lurker for way longer than I would care to admit. Rather than, say, being an active participant. I kept meaning to do that and *this* for ages. Sometimes I would get really close but then panic and bail. I struggle a lot with fear around putting myself out there. Well, all the fear really. The fear of being seen, fear of not being seen, fear of making mistakes, and fear of losing control. Fear, fear, fear. Fear has had more control over my life than me for too long now and I'm sick and tired of it. It was unfortunate that I first encountered this site when I did. During the really awful days of tumblr, when it was really really toxic. It really helped the fear have a unbreakable titanium grip on me for decades.

Not that the internet has gotten less toxic since then, if anything it's gotten even more dangerous and hateful. Though the vibe on tumblr does seem to have become a lot more chill since then. I may be wrong about that, but I was here for the fountain chocolate parrot thing, so I'm pretty confident. The main thing that's led to *this* has just been exhaustion. The constant fear takes a toll, and constantly being terrified is fucking exhausting. and seeing how I've nearly died in complete silence a couple times now, I'm at the point now that I'm like, fuck it. If I keep waiting for this supposed "perfect" moment my anxious brain constantly says there is, at this rate, I'll be dead and gone before it ever happens.

So here's to saying fuck it, let's do this!

I intend to keep this blog as a place for me to share my art, thoughts, and writing — personal, fandom-related, my own work, or otherwise. I already have an instagram which I've been posting to every so often. I don't really get a lot of interaction over there. But that was kind of why I started with that account first, I liked that it felt like a literal ghost town. I have no idea what I'm doing in that space, so weirdly, it felt safer than others. But I'm ready to come back to my home turf now.

I hope some of what I do here will resonate with someone out there, but even if nothing I do here reaches anybody, I’ll be proud of myself for trying. For daring to exist.

If you’re reading this, thank you for being here.

Here’s to starting, even when it's scary — hell, even when it's downright terrifying.

To finish this post off, I've included a little doodle I did the day after the election. That was a dark day. But then I crossed paths with a dragonfly. It was a rare encounter so I took notice. I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination, but I do care to notice little things like this, even if the skeptical grouch in my mind wants to huff and wheeze about it.

So, that night, when I was feeling sad and remembered seeing the dragonfly, I looked up what it's been thought to symbolize and needing to create something, anything, as a reminder that this darkness was only temporary, that life was still worth living, I drew this. I didn't have my drawing things or even a blank sheet of paper. Only a pad of lined paper and some crayola markers. Bud I'm so happy I still did. It may not be perfect, or particularly pretty or skilled, but it's mine. And that's all that counts.

[musicgoon]

Book Review: What is a Healthy Church Member?

What is God's plan of care for his people? In What is a Healthy Church Member? Thabiti M. Anyabwile empowers readers to actively contribute to the vitality of the local church.

Engaged Theologians

Anyabwile's call for church members to be deeply concerned about the health of the body as a whole resonated with me. before I am a leader, I am first and foremost a member of the body of Christ. A healthy church is not just the result of faithful leadership, but of each member being actively engaged in the life of the church. This book serves as a powerful reminder that every member has a part to play in the church's flourishing.

The first point Anyabwile makes is the importance of being an expositional listener of sermons. He challenges church members to engage with preaching not as passive spectators, but as active listeners who seek to understand and apply God's Word to their lives. In the same vein, he emphasizes that every church member should be a biblical theologian—someone who knows and loves the Scriptures, and who is equipped to contribute thoughtfully to the life of the church.

Active Community

I was most challenged by Anyabwile’s assertion that there is no such thing as a passive church member. A healthy church member is not a mere attendee but an active, lifelong learner. Evangelism is not something that should be relegated solely to the pastors and leaders; rather, every member has a role to play in spreading the gospel. Anyabwile stresses that it is the church member who has the power to change the way the community perceives Christ and his bride. We all have a responsibility to reflect the gospel in how we live and engage with those around us.

I was most surprised to see that a healthy church member joyfully seeks discipline. Rather than viewing correction as something negative, a healthy church member understands that discipline is an expression of God's love and care. Learning to recognize chastisement as evidence of God's loving guidance, humbly accepting correction from others, and taking seriously the responsibility to help correct and restore others is a vital part of a healthy church community. Correcting is a form of caring.

God's Family

Another theme that stood out to me was the centrality of prayer in the life of a healthy church member. Anyabwile emphasizes that prayer is not optional for the Christian—it is foundational to spiritual health and vitality. A church member who prays fervently is a member who contributes to the church’s health and growth in ways that go beyond what can be seen.

After reading this book, I want to better encourage others toward membership in the church but also to actively pursue the growth of those who are already part of the body. What is a Healthy Church Member? is a convicting, practical, and thoroughly biblical guide for anyone who desires to live as a faithful member of God's family.

I received a media copy of What is a Healthy Church Member? and this is my honest review. Find more of my book reviews and follow Dive In, Dig Deep on Instagram - my account dedicated to Bibles and books to see the beauty of the Bible and the role of reading in the Christian life. To read all of my book reviews and to receive all of the free eBooks I find on the web, subscribe to my free newsletter.

[not-that-n]

A few days ago I was awake at 2 am against my will, engaging in activities typical to that hour, mostly crying and feeling miserable with myself.

I grab my phone and open youtube, lacking the will to get out of my bed and go to my laptop, where I would usually do it. I'm not exactly sure what I was trying to do, mostly just have some noise in the background to either distract myself or add a bit of spice to the crying, who knows.

It doesn't really matter the reason, because whatever plan I had was interrupted by the first two video recommendations. The first one, a title-less, thumbnail-less video by an account called "Don't Worry", followed immediately by a video only a couple minutes long, with the thumbnail of a silhouette of person sitting, with the title "The Day You Killed Yourself ".

I'm not exactly sure why, but that peculiar combination made for a surprisingly disturbing image, like if somehow the algorithm was sending a message to me, in particular, "don't worry, some day you will kill yourself " or something like that. Of course I'm aware that there's no ghost or supernatural phenomena, or at least I hope so, in my phone to send prophetic messages through Youtube recommendations, but still it made for quite the upsetting experience, probably mostly because of my already altered emotional state.

I decide to check both videos, mostly to make sure it actually isn't some sort of secret message sent by phone ghosts, partly out of curiosity.

The first was one of those internet checkpoint videos, where people just vent and talk to each other, collectively journaling a specific experience or the progress they made. It reminded me of first stumbling into what I assume was the first video of this archetype, it was 2020, or maybe 2021 or 22, I don't remember but I do remember being an angry and sad teenager, which feels weird considering that was, at least 2 years ago, at most only 4 years ago. I remember writing about just how much everything seemed hopeless, meaningless. I leave the video, I don't need such a thing as a checkpoint, the other one looked more interesting anyways.

The second video was a song, the number of lyrics could be counted with a single hand, yet it was surprisingly succinct in its message and surprisingly effective in the feeling it delivered. A person, grieving a lost loved one who took their own life. But the content of the song in itself wasn't the experience I want to talk in here, it was, instead, the feelings it managed to bring out of the people that heard it.

The comment section was a cacophony of grief, some were reminiscing about their attempts, others were giving eulogies to the people they lost, some told others that life gets better, others that it didn't. Some were anthems of conviction, bittersweet notes in the grim chorus about the resilience involved in surviving the battle against mental health, others just told their experience, hopefully finding solace in the company of another one's experience.

It was a poem, in the indescribable way all the poems are. Such a recollection of the human experience, of the reactions people have against struggle. People with old, healed scars screaming in the same void as freshly opened wounds.

One comment was a personal story, I don't remember the details but I do remember the husk of a conversation that happened in the responses. It was half a chain, mentioning and talking to someone who either deleted the account or every message involved. People were asking if this unseen person was fine, if they needed help. I do not know how the conversation ended, I do not know what happened to the person that apparently needed the help. I hope they are fine, but I'll never know.

I had a similar experience, once in a time frame as vague as the one previously described with the internet checkpoint. On an instagram comment section, someone with a king crimson profile picture was talking about their mental health struggles, talking about their plans to end it all. By the time I saw the comment, it would have already happened. I asked if they were fine. I was left without an answer. I hope they are doing well today, whoever they are, whatever they went through.

I don't feel the need to vent or scream to the internet void in hope of an answer anymore, I say that well aware of how long this, for lack of a better description, rant is. But there was a time, during that vague timeframe I barely remember anymore, were I did leave comments in search of help, feeling miserable but not knowing how to ask, I have been that unseen person that deleted their account, their fate left unknown. Yet I'm alive, not doing well but so much better than I once was, my fate is not yet written and I hope same applies to everyone in those comment sections, I hope they all find solace in the common grief, I hope they find some peace in a better life, I hope that the storm was indeed just passing through them and that now they are all fine, I know that is not the case for everyone, but when left without any evidence of what could have happened to them, the one last thing I have is hope. I just hope they are doing fine.

[rxbeetle]

LIFE UPDATE - 9/1/2024

I've deactivated/deleted a lot of my main social media platforms

they are the following:

Instagram(archive)

Instagram(main)

Twitter(main)

Ko-fi

they held a lot of memories and good times (also bad times) and I know there will be times were I will maybe look back on a funny tweet or conversation I've had, and in those moments I will probably regret deleting my accounts, but I'm confident 2+ years time I will be more at peace with this decision.

____________________________________________________________

BACKSTORY

I made my presence known on social media not for socializing but to network because at the time I wanted a job in the arts, and I felt like I almost made it too, but sometime late 2022 I felt like I might've just reached my peak, I was progressing at speeds unfamiliar to me and I burnt myself out so bad I'm not sure I've really recovered.

Of course I'm still drawing but it hasn't felt the same since 2022

___________________________________________________________

PRESENT DAY

so I stopped pursuing art professionally back 2022, why am I still online then?

"I'm keeping social media for my friends!"

It's the truth, my close mutuals whom I've known for years have been the driving force keeping me online (In a good way). but there's a better way for me to go about living like this.

using my former network accounts past 2022 has been reminding me of my shortcomings, chipping away at my self esteem, and this summer has put me at an all time low in terms of feeling like shiz. so I'm pretty glad to see them go.

_____________________________________________________________

I'm keeping my Tumblr here for updates and maybe some artworks around.

My Youtube, Tiktok, and Itch.io will remain online.

any other accounts I still have unmentioned will likely go down in the future.

I will stay active on my Discord : rxbeetle

-Seegle

[rainart455]

My Instagram

Making a quick post to remind y'all that I have an Insta and I am more active on there :)

https://www.instagram.com/carto_onlover45/

Plus, my traditonal art account

https://www.instagram.com/rains_traditional_art/

[snowyjinsoul-sales]

hi, welcome to my kpop sale-trade-grouporder blog!

‼️ this is a work in progress‼️

my name is Lily, or @snowyjinsoul here on tumblr, as well as instagram and twitter! i’m a member of the kpop buy-sell-trade community on instagram, with over a year of experience in hosting photocard and album group orders mainly for loona (+ loossemble, odd eye circle, artms and chuu).

keep reading under the cut for general info, sales/trades/GO info, post directory, and more!

ABOUT ME

🔹 Lily (she/her), 23 years old, Graphic Designer, based in Germany

🔹 ult: LOONA, ARTMS, LOOSSEMBLE, CHUU, Lee Chaeyeon

🔹 stan: STAYC, tripleS, FiftyFifty, LeSserafim, IVE, Minseo, Kwon Eunbi, Yena, Idle

🔹 dni if you’re racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist, younger than 14, …

🔹 if you’re a minor please make sure you have permission from your guardians to be active in the bst community, and if there’s anything i need to be aware of when packing your items please let me know!

🔹 I work Monday to Friday 8-6 so I might not respond immediately, but I will always get back to you asap 💖 Feel free to bump messages if i haven’t answered in longer than a day!

IMPORTANT LINKS

tba

GENERAL INFO

🔹 Items will be packed in order of: Penny sleeve > Toploader > Folded card > Envelope (+ everything secured with washi tape & sticky tape)

🔹 I always put a return address on my letters

🔹 For larger items I will use bubble wrap and/or cardboard

🔹 I will send address checks via DM

🔹 I only offer shipping through my local postal services Deutsche Post and DHL

🔹 Items will usually be dropped off on the weekend, I drop them off at a public mailbox or packstation

🔹 I don’t write usernames on envelopes, instead I will put a sticker or symbol on the envelope, & I will send a drop-off video via DM

⚠️ Once the letter is dropped off I’m no longer responsible for any damages or lost mail! ⚠️

GROUP ORDERS

I’m an established GOM with one year of experience and I always strive to improve my workflow and services, so if there‘s any questions, critiques or concerns please do let me know! :>

Please do not join my GOs if you cannot foresee yourself being able to cover all required payments.

GO Terms and Conditions

No backouts once I have requested payment unless you have found someone to replace you.

⚠️ If you go AWOL (away without leave) on me you will be blocked and blacklisted from my account. Timewaster and/or DWAYOR posts may also be made if I see it as necessary.

⚠️ If you do not pay initials by the deadline mentioned in the respective groupchat you will be removed from the GO. Repeat offenders will be blocked and blacklisted from my account. I only send payment reminders if there’s been no activity in the groupchat for several days before, it is your own responsibility to pay on time.

⚠️ I am happy to cater for extensions and payment plans but you must tell me at least 24 hours before the payment deadline. Extensions after this point will only be given for extreme circumstances and will only be given at my discretion.

⚠️ No refunds once I have received the first payment.

No strict deadline for doms payments if I am collecting them separately as I will hold items until I receive payment. However if I receive no response after 2 weeks I reserve the right to put your items back up for sale/trade.

GOs General Info

🔹 There’s usually 2 to 4 payments and I will provide price breakdowns on the respective GO Notion page / GO spreadsheets

🔹 If there’s a tracking link or number I check up on it’s progress regularly and send updates if there’s anything of importance

🔹 I will collect everyone’s addresses and info through google forms

🔹 When packing I will confirm your claims and address via DM

⚠️ For cheap photocard GOs I usually do not check the condition of the pcs extremely thoroughly. If there‘s any major scratches, bends, etc. I will of course notice and disclose it, but I will not check them under light for minor scratches, indents, or misprints

🔹 Once I’m able to send out I will post a video in my instagram story of me dropping the letters off at a public mailbox (with the addresses covered up, of course)

🔹 Packing info and costs will be calculated depending on the type of item and its size. I aim to make it inexpensive, and I am transparent about the costs and how I pack it.

SALES

🔹 i am operating all sales through a sales enquiry form, the link to the sales form is available via the “important links” section of this post or in every sales post

🔹 WW for photocards and other small items, European Union only for albums and other bigger items

🔹Prices listed in Euros € unless stated otherwise.

🔹 Payment only per Paypal F&F!

🔹 If you pay per G&S I will refund you immediately and block & blacklist you from my accounts

🔹 You have 24 hours to provide proof of payment or the item will be released for sale again! i can however hold items for up to 72 hours, just ask ^^

🔹 Addresses shared via my sales form will be deleted once you either receive your items, or if a sale does not go through / the items you were interested in were already sold

TRADES

🔹 Trading only within EU (European Union)

🔹 Not trading with non-kpop-related accounts and/or accounts with less than 10 proofs (unless i know you from instagram or we’ve traded before)

🔹 When dming me for a trade, please include exactly which of my items you are interested in and what you are offering to trade! Any dms that only say “I’m interested in trading” without specifications will be ignored

⚠️ You and I both have the right to back out of a sale/trade if either party feels uncomfortable, as long as addresses haven’t been shared or money has been exchanged. ⚠️

SHIPPING INFO

This is a list of (most) countries that I sell / ship to. Additionally I will sell to any other countries that can send money via PayPal F&F (friends and family). Under no circumstances ever will I accept payments via PayPal G&S (goods and services). Please make sure you can pay via PayPal F&F before contacting me.

🔹 Albania, Andorra, Austria, Australia, Belgium, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Canada, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembuorg, Malta, Netherlands, Norway, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, South Africa, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States

SHIPPING PRICES

tba