#as a last restart yknow

[exopelagic]

everyone was so harsh to alola it deserved so much better. like this region is so well designed and so pretty and the story is actually really fun? will never forgive everyone for what we did to her

[vonlipvig]

this took me like an hour and 4 restarts and it's only the tutorial OH it's gonna be bad, boys!

[ragnars-tooth]

Playing a bw soullocke with the bestie rn and I found a shiny patrat and within 30 minutes it was dead

[arolesbianism]

I should rly play portal, but at the same time I find it kind of funny to have it continue to exist as that one game I'd fuck around with the physics in as a lil kid instead of actually doing the puzzles in my memories especially since I'm sure I'd have rly liked glados if I actually bothered to actually progress in the video game I was playing

[odysseys-blood]

things keep happening i need them to STOPPPP

[strawbrygashez]

Caldre YURI hcs!!!

These r some hcs for yuri/girl versions of cal & andre,,. I’ll call Andre, Avery and Cal, Callie :)

I’ll start of with some gereral hcs of them both

Avery

•This girl is the perfect example of the tall, awkward, and autistic lesbian trope.

•She dresses basically the same as Andre does. She never really does anything fancy with her hair besides a quick pony tail or letting Callie braid it. She doesn’t wear makeup either because she doesn’t care for it on herself and she just thinks it takes too long. Her mom bugs the crap out of her sometimes asking her to try wearing more ‘feminine’ clothing. Like her mom will buy her a sundress or something even tho she should know that Avery is just gonna toss it somewhere in her closet to never be seen again or give it away to Callie.

•Speaking of makeup, I feel like Avery would have acne like Andre. And she gets picked on for it but as I said, she still doesn’t try makeup to cover it up. Especially probably because her skin is already sensitive enough as it is. So she just rolls with it. (Not saying the bullying doesn’t get to her tho)

•She has soooo many band posters around her room of female bands/singers like Hole, Kittie, Garbage, Otep, No Doubt, Evanescence, Jack Off Jill,& L7 for example.

•Doesn’t deny that she’s gay to herself as much as Andre does. Shes known she’s hated guys for as long as she can remember. She thinks they are just loud, dumb, annoying, and gross. She tried going out with a guy once in like middle school, and it only lasted about half a month. She was too uncomfortable with him & doing things like holding hands.

•has a ‘resting bitch face’ all the time. The only time she doesn’t look ready to rip someone’s head off is when Callie is talking to her.

•She’d be a riot grrrl. If you’ve seen the documentary ‘Dirty Girls’ she reminds me a lot of it.

Even tho I think she’s a total feminist, she’s kinda contradicts herself often. Like when she argues with Callie, she’ll tell her to go fuck off and join the braindead, blonde sluts on the cheerleading team :/ And she just makes fun of popular girls in general, even the ones who are nice because she’s insecure about herself. If a pretty popular girl who’s never said anything mean to her started to talk to her, she’d be blushing and anxious tho.. she’s just a big ol’ mess.

•Steals magazines that are like full of chicks in swim suits. She hides them under her bed. Her mom accidentally found one once and later that night, Avery took all of the ones she owned and burnt them all in a small fire outside💀 she restarted her collection tho at some point when the embarrassment died down.

•Even tho her mom goes on and jokes about her finding a nice boyfriend, it’s pretty obvious to everyone she’s a lesbian. Her room doesn’t help, the magazine she had, the way she never seems interested in male celebrities and actors, the way she ignores guys, it just all adds up.

Callie

•Avery calls her Barbie because of the blonde hair and thin body. But she also goes by Cal :)

•You can really tell how artsy she is by the way she dresses. I guess the best way to describe it is like grunge fairy core. Lots of lacy things, light greens and browns, flowy skirts, lots of jewelry, and etc. She also draws on her hands a lot in permanent marker. She’ll draw ‘tattoos’ on Avery too if she asks.

•I feel like female Cal would be pretty popular? But not like, popular popular. Just like loser/weird girl popular because she’s so pretty. Like I’m sure annoying guys try to get with her but she always comes across not interested at all. She’s happy with just Avery and Rachel.

•Just like canon Cal, everyone thinks she’s super innocent and can’t do any wrong because of the way she looks. But she’s just like canon Cal. Manic episodes, depression, and all. She hides it even better than canon Cal does because yknow, no one expects such an innocent, sweet looking girl to hold the kinda thoughts she does at all.

• Cuts and has body issues.

•Loves when Avery lets her give her makeovers. Not because she thinks she needs it at all, and she will tell her that, but because she just likes putting together outfits and looks! She paints her nails sometimes too so they match :)

•I think if she wasn’t so depressed to where she saw no future for herself, she’d maybe look into a job that has to do with fashion or writing. Something artsy.

YURI CALDRE TIME :)

•They both find each other so beautiful and interesting. Callie feels so safe and truly seen with Avery and Avery is so greatful for Callie because she was so lonely before.

•Initially, I think Avery was a bit intimated by Callie though because all she knew was she was really pretty and blonde so she was like ‘ugh. Another cheerleader 🙄’ in her mind but when Callie actually spoke to her, and Avery found out she’s really cool and they relate a lot, she kinda fell head over heels quickly.

•They both HATE Brad because he makes jokes about how they should kiss in front of him because it would be hot 😐 Or how Callie or Avery should stop hanging out with each other and hang out with him instead. Hes a total douchebag.

•Callie honestly has no doubt Avery is into girls because of multiple reasons but she won’t say anything really about it. When she does want to drop hints that she’s into chicks too, she’ll say stuff about how a girl lead singer is hot. Avery is kinda clueless tho so she’ll just be like “oh haha. Yeah I guess anyone would find that singer hot” to herself. Smh. They’ll even joke argue one time about who would get to be Courtney Loves groupie if she said only one of them could be and it will just go over Averies head.

•Callie has caught Avery looking at her putting on lipstick a bit too intensely once or twice. She thinks it’s cute :) I think once maybe she’s even kissed her cheek so it would leave a kiss mark. Avery of course got all red and said it was gross and how she had to go wash it off now and blah blah blah but probably had to actually fight for her hand to move to wash it off in the sink later.. cuz she saw herself in the mirror and went 😳

•They also joke around by pretending to be guys who are flirting with them with each other. Like Callie will put her arm around Avery in the car while they are parked somewhere and will try to copy Brads voice and say “Hey baby. It’s just me and you now. Am I gonna get lucky tonight?” They both find it amusing to laugh over guys.

•Avery uses cheap shots when they are play fighting. She punches Callie in the b00b because she’s flat anyways. Callie threatens to use her long nails to scratch out Averie’s eyeballs.

•Avery sent Callie the music video to All the things she said by TATU once but thought Callie didn’t get the point of sending it.. because Callie didn’t say anything about how it was gay 😔 she just said it was a nice song.

Also Avery cries to that song a lot.

•They would have been less pathetic than Cal & Andre and would have actually fr kissed before they did what they did.

•Callie loves listening to Avery rant. Especially about how she hates everyone and how unfair life is lol.

•Callie steals Averie’s band shirts. It first started at a sleepover where Callie’s shirt got ruined so Avery offered her a Kittie one. Once Avery saw her and how she looks exactly like a girlfriend a rockstar guy would have, she knew she was even more done for.

•I think if Callie thought Avery had a specific type, based off the pictures she has up on her wall of women and whatnot, she’d lowkey try to make herself look a little more like that type. Like if she thought Avery likes gothy looking makeup and clothes, she’d try more looks like that. She wouldn’t totally change her style but she’d play around with stuff that she thinks Avery would like.

•If they got together, I think Avery would open up more about how she feels ugly or uncomfortable with how she looks. It breaks Callie’s heart even though she could already tell Avery was not very confident in herself sometimes. she’ll go on about how Avery is absolutely gorgeous to her and she’d share how she has her own body issues too and Avery would be like “??? What? What the fuck? You’re literally perfect. What are you talking about.” And Callie would tell her she feels exactly the same when she hears Avery say that kinda stuff about herself.

•Avery definitely thinks Rachel is out to steal Callie from her. She knows Callie could easily fit in with the ‘normal’ crowd if she wanted with Rachel so she’s always worried she’ll get persuaded into leaving Avery behind. It takes a good amount of deep conversations before Avery can calm down about it and believe Callie won’t leave her.

[jtl07]

jt (finally) watches warrior nun - s2 e1 (pt 2)

(Btw, thanks for the replies on the first post! Really fun to talk about this stuff with folks!)

Alright, so from the first post, the things I wanted to talk about in that first avatrice scene were: 1) how tense Beatrice is, 2) conversely, how easily she bends to Ava, and 3) that was not the first time Ava has kissed Beatrice.

I talked a bit about the emotional tension that Beatrice was carrying in the last post, so let’s talk about the physical tension - which also leads into the 2nd point about how she bends to Ava (and also the cheek kiss lol)

First, can we give KTY all the accolades for her choices in this scene? We get so much from Beatrice in just over a minute of screen time:

snippiness

a lecture (which is the closest we get to s1 Bea but it’s wrapped in something like a plea that makes it feel different)

the quick improvisation that reminds you of what she’s capable of (i.e. not just able to kill a man but also to make herself invisible if she needs to)

suspicion (which, now that I think about it, is kinda reminiscent of her calling out Lilith outside of Arq-tech in s1 e4

pride (which I absolutely love and will talk about more below)

her softness at the mention of Mary

and of course, the most perfect impersonation of a computer restart lol

I mean, look at all that! So sososo much in one minute! Geez. All the awards to KTY.

Anyway, Bea’s hella tense in this scene and, as mentioned in the replies of the first post, it makes a lot of sense considering how out in the open they are here. I get this feeling that without the structure (and scripture) of the OCS, Bea has this need to double down on holding herself in (and running from her own feelings). And she’s trying so hard here. She keeps defaulting to that strictness, what with the mini-lecture and the suspicion, but she can never hold on to it for very long, can she? Because Ava’s right there to make her bend.

Two moments in particular: First, the “exceptionally well-organized” line (0:59 in this vid), look at how her posture changes.

I love how Beatrice straightens here, almost as if she’s standing for judgement - and expecting praise. Which she probably received when she was back at Cat’s Cradle. But they’re not at Cat’s Cradle now, and what she receives instead - at least what she seems to take it as - is admonishment. I mean, look at her reaction:

She ducks her head as if chastised, even gives Ava a nod like a sullen child. But I don’t think Ava quite meant it as a critique, yknow? There’s a fondness in her voice, in her smile, teasing even - and of course, the gentle reminder (1:08), “You don’t have to be so perfect all the time,” where KTY again gets all the awards for how she puts so much in how Beatrice hesitates in looking back up at Ava, that almost stuttered breath she takes in when she does. Goddamn, KTY, such a great performance, showing just how deeply Ava has gotten under Beatrice’s skin.

The second moment where Beatrice bends to Ava, not as evident as the above but it’s still there, is in response to Ava’s “Yes, mother.” Which, huh, I guess Ava realized the best way to get Beatrice to bend is to tease her lol

Beatrice ducks her head just for a moment and yknow, I wonder if that’s what tipped Ava over the edge - it is kind of adorable, the way Bea just accepts the teasing. But also it’s like, here Beatrice is with the girl she loves (as mentioned in the replies to that first post, my thought is that Beatrice is well aware of her feelings by now) and idk, I get the feeling that she doesn’t necessarily want to be so strict - this is Ava, who wants to live and chat up customers and swim and run and do all the things. But Beatrice’s mission is to train Ava so she wins, so she stays alive, so if Bea has to endure some teasing, so be it.

And that leads into that third and last point: I really think that this wasn’t the first time Ava’s surprised Beatrice with a kiss. I mean, look (1:26) how Ava doesn’t hesitate in leaning in, doesn’t even think about it afterward, doesn’t say anything about Beatrice’s wide-eyed, frozen expression. Just skips away without a care in the world.

And Beatrice, for all her shock, recovers well - too well, I think. She just kinda … accepts it. If this was the first time, my thought would be that she’d go into some kind of panic or guilt mode, yknow?

But she doesn’t here - sure she needs a second, but then she blinks, remembers to breathe, straightens to her usual posture. And again, awards to KTY because there’s so much in that look she has at the end:

It’s almost like resignation - perhaps this thought that that’s all things will ever amount to be between them, yknow? That it won’t go further; they can’t.

Okay as usual, I have written more than I thought I would lol. I’m going to try to get through the rest the episode this weekend but don’t be surprised if I don’t. Lmk what y’all think!

[longdeadking-moved-blogs]

ok hi guys i have. genloss thoughts.

so we've seen a few different "archetypes" for characters, right? we have the hero (ranboo), the side characters (charlie and sneeg), the antagonists (the puzzler and demon charlie), the background characters (niki, austin, etc), and who i'm calling the crew (the ghouls & rats, the cameramen, and the drones). (hetch is his own thing but i will Get to him, also security and squiggles.)

all these archetypes are very distinct, there's not a lot of overlap between them (the only exceptions i could think of would be frank, who doesnt really count since he's not. yknow. alive. and rat-rae, who has speaking lines, but is still obviously crew.)

i'm thinking, these archetypes almost seem like... a life cycle. let me explain.

first, showfall finds a Hero. they need to be naive, blinded by fear and hope. so the Hero needs to be the first step. and there are three directions the Hero can go after that.

if the Hero is just... boring, uninteresting, going through the motions, they become Crew. the masks (or the goo, in the case of the ghouls) control them permanently.

if the Hero goes the way ranboo did, there are two options. either they die, and stay dead (or restart, becoming a Hero again), or they live and move on to the next step - becoming an Antagonist.

Antagonists have more freedom than Heroes (squiggles outright says they let the puzzler do whatever he wants), but they're still under showfall's control. the freedom is helpful because it makes them more interesting, but it also makes them unpredictable.

once an Antagonist has run their course, there's three options again. if they're too complacent, they become Crew. if they're too volitile or if showfall needs some drama or a Hero needs a win, they die. but if they prove to still be useful, they move on. they become a Background Character.

seems like a weird jump, right? but we saw it happen, with charlie. he died as demon slime, then reappeared as patient charlie.

also, i think this is the reason neither Antagonists lasted more than an episode. they need a lot of Background Characters, so turnover is quick.

by the time Background Characters arrive, they have developed personalities. or, more accurately, a single trait that showfall can monopolize on. charlie was slimy. niki was nice. austin was gay (a nice nod to the token gay trope, btw). and Background Characters switch up the formula a bit.

i think, by the time you get to this point, you aren't at risk of becoming Crew. or at least, it isnt likely (i'm thinking rat-rae was a BG Character who got turned into crew, which is why she can talk). no, instead, your two options are as follows:

you can stay a Background Character, "dying" and being reset every episode.

or, if you're a fan-favorite, you get upgraded to Side Character.

again, we saw this happen with charlie, and also with sneeg. i believe sneeg became a Side Character between episode 1 and 2, which is why he was allowed to see beyond the 4th wall. gotta have your characters be a little haunted, right? it's a horror show, after all.

and if you become a Side Character, there's not a lot of places to go. viewers will recognize you in different shows, so the question is - what does showfall do when a Side Character's show ends?

once again, they have two options. death or promotion.

and this time, the promotion is a little different.

so. hetch. a villian for sure, but he's in a weird position. he tells ranboo - and the viewers - during the final scene that he's just following orders. he wears his own mask, same as ranboo. but why? why have this weird, semi-canon, rebel traitor figure?

i think hetch made it to the final archetype. a subsection of Crew that's picked out for a special characteristic. anything that makes them truly compelling. i think the wire monster made it here, too (they were so consistently rebellious that showfall had to strip away all of their humanity, leaving them a mess of wire).

hetch became a Mascot.

hetch, the wire monster, and squiggles went through every step, proved their worth, and what did they get in return?

knowledge, but not freedom. never freedom.

and i think if we'd voted live, ranboo would have made it all the way as well.

[glitter-lisp]

Au game but I’m making you au your fandom into mine — give me a tangled dragon rider au (doesn’t have to Napoleonic wars related bc I’m a nice person)

jaylia this is so funny because literally in the last chapter of multiverse i sent them to a dragon rider world specifically with you in mind omg okay so this is less of a 5 fun facts and more of 1 setting and 4 character sketches ok SO

think typical high fantasy there are Kingdoms and the the Kingdoms have Magic and also some of the Kingdoms have Dragons and and the Dragons have Dragonriders and when a newborn Dragon picks a human to be their Dragonrider they are shipped off to a multination Dragon School Up In The Mountains To Learn How To Do It also worth noting for this world im stealing the eragon thing that dragons can choose their riders from inside the egg so if you touch a dragon egg sometimes that bitch will hatch on the spot for you and oops now you gotta deal with that. so anyways our cast of character in the ya novel i am dubbing the dragon thief:

hugo. the eponymous dragon thief. part of a thieves guild, stole a dragon egg in transport to sell to the highest bidder because that shit is EXPENSIVE if the sale went through he'd be set for life, except oh holy shit what the fuck it fucking HATCHED, and since dragon bonds are considered sacred across all nations (dragons are too Wise to choose random shitheels obviously) he's immediately pardoned of all crimes and shipped off to dragon school with his hatchling, but being pardoned of your crimes doesn't mean your fellow trainees have forgotten them and everyone at the school knows you once tried to kidnap and sell the baby dragon that is now bonded to you for life, and they treat you accordingly

nuru, a young princess who's descended from a long line of both nobility and dragonriders, but always like, yknow. the eldest daughters. the only-kind-of-joking family motto is "first on the throne, second in the saddle" and nuru is the fourth child so the best she could hope for was a decent dowry and a husband who let her keep studying astronomy, but then at her family's hatching ceremony the hatchling stumbled out of its egg and trotted right past all of nurus sisters and into her arms, so now her family is furious even though she really, really, really didn't mean to buck tradition and steal her sister's dragon, and all of her sister's friends who expected her there after the egg hatched are instead stuck with her pesky baby sister instead

yong. tiny baby child whose parents are trainers at the school, and was therefore raised on the property, and was therefore raised as much by dragons as people. is accidentally EXTREMELY magical by virtue of growing up around so much magical energy. his parents keep him the fuck away from any eggs because of that, for fear of him accidentally pulling an unhatched dragon into a bond because of his power instead of the dragon actually wanting to bond with him as a person. yong somehow manages to find, befriend, and bond with a young wild dragon ("young" by dragon standards at least) instead, leaving him half a decade younger than his mostly teenage and young adult classmates, and his dragon close to a century older than their hatchlings

varian. the first dragonrider trainee from his kingdom invited to study at the school. At least, the first in close to 30 years, since his uncle the king and his dragon were both defeated in battle a few years ago after waging war on the rest of the world for a quarter of a century. edmund is gone and his son eugene, varians older cousin, is doing what he can to fix the wreck of his own kingdom, make amends with their neighboring kingdoms, and restart the dragonrider corps in the dark kingdom, since edmund demanded all other dragons and riders be banished a few decades ago. varian never had anything to do with the war, never fought in it and barely knew his uncle or his dragon, but that doesn't stop people from treating him and his dragon like they're also going to go insane and start murdering people any second

soooooo yeah that's all i got band of misfits at magic school sticking together because everyone else hates them so they might as well

[carmenized-onions]

Oh my onions ,

This chapter was the first thing I saw when I opened my phone this morning and I immediately started reading cause when I tell u I have been waiting for it like crazy. I took a break and kept reading after my statistics class (master’s thesis kicking my ass thank u). 

It was such a relief of the tension in the previous chapters, some honest moments between Carm and Tony and also the reality and craziness of their family and faks being around. 

I am so curious to see how the DD and kids dynamic will unfold cause in season 3 I bawled my eyes out in the ice chips episode and I was so happy Sug is taking those baby steps towards redefining her relationship with her mom now that she herself is one. It would be nice to see some cathartic moments here too(obviously given the complexity of the relationships cause lord knows it’s fucked to the core). 

HELL YOU ARE MAKING ME MISS CHRISTMAS NOW I KINDA WISH WE HAD LIKE A WEEK TILL CHRISTMAS IRL CAUSE I HATE THE SUMMER. 

cuteness baby Michaela and Tony (hohoho make her and Carmy babysit pls pls) 

RICHIE THE MAN THAT U ARE. he totally is an old fashioned in my brain so I get the whiskey and peaches thought Tony u are right. 

Also …. Sydney baby I can sense the tension…. I see u getting off the floor … I SEE U NOT SAYING IT BACK SO …. 

Also side note I always listen to music while reading this to set the cinematic vibe yk yk and today I happened to listen to father John Misty’s “I love u honey bear” and “everything is free” and COINCIDENTALLY they match the vibe quite perfectly make sure to check them out if that’s your vibe, I feel the lyrics to these 2 songs were kinda fitting to this chapter (are they my personal soundtrack that played in this episode ?! Yes they are !) 

Can’t wait for next one u never fail! Can’t wait for the Christmas special if u will. ALSO 14 K I know u said for both our sanities it’s getting shorter but I’m so glad I saw a double digit no pressure my love Heheheheheh !!!! I gotta stop yapping stay safe till next one :)))))

AHHH I hope the next one isn't shit, we're dropping in like idk whenever I finish answering these last couple asks that i've let sit in my inbox for DECADES (a couple weeks). If I failed this time, no one tell me. Let's all let onion live in ignorance okay. a handful of times i was like "what if I simply restarted" at like 8k in.

But I've finished my final draft edits and I think it's fine. I think it's a very necessary chapter. It's like how I felt about Doing Too Much back in the day, but now that one's like, one of my faves in terms of how much it actually establishes--- ANYWAYS WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT let's talk about your talkings

I hope your thesis went/is going well!! It's been so fucking long where is everyone on their life projects. Me personally I'm applying to OTHER FUCKING JOBS. Who wants to pay me to write CK full time? I'm so fr.

Chapter 14 will always be that girl when it comes to tension breaking. Like christ. Two Steps Back is my favourite chapter to reread because I love Mikey and Chip and I also think I am the most in my bag when I'm writing sad shit but Chapter 14 is always nice when I'm havin a ROUGH DAYY

I hope. When I do eventually cover DD. Which is tragically for me, quite soon, that I do it fucking any justice. I'm very thankful for the compliments comparing me to canon but MAN if anything is a test of my ability to understand these characters, Donna is my final fucking exam. I am so bad. At writing moms. Just in general. Ice Chips was truly like my favourite episode of the season too, so I hope I can do all the fucking insane dynamics of adulthood blended with motherhood justice. I can barely do them justice in my own life, YKNOW??? man.

Me and my roommates take christmas so fucking seriously. As we have for the past... 3 years. And now that this is our first christmas living together again, I truly start gift planning now. did someone say psychotic? NO. i just PUT THE DATES OF EVERY SALE OF EVERY IMPORTANT RELEVANT RETAILER IN MY PERSONAL CALENDAR. I'M NORMAL. FUCK YOU I'M NORMAL!! what i'm trying to say is, it's christmas whenever you decide it's christmas.

Ohhhh Michaela Blurb. Someone request it someone request it. I so hope in S4 they let that man be a good Uncle. I know he avoids family like the plague but come on man. its a BABY!!!!!

I hope everyone loves the drink menu I have planned, or I mean--- Sorry, the drink menu chip has planned. Jerimovich you whiskey peach bitch da MAN YOU ARE!!!

It's s o hard to not write like a little bit of tension with Syd. Like I can't not. It's so in my brain I cannot get squidink out of there someone call the police dont actually

i love. when an indie bitch enters my domain. i love father john misty!! I can so see those songs. There's a lot of songs I adored for this chapter. I think my most probably unagreed with would be I Like It, by DeBarge--- Listen, I know it's so cheery-- But that's exactly it. That is so Song That's Playing At The Wedding Outside The Bathroom While We Full Breakdown In Here. HEAR ME OUT OKAY

We are,,, at 15k for this chap. Chap 14 was 14k,,,, I feel like Chap 16 is not going to be 16k (but rather, horrifically, more), but it'd be cute to continue the pattern. I'll attempt to reduce myself.

Also:

I WISH THEY MADE A CHICAGO JOKE IN CANON, esp with Carmen's drive by about Musicals in ep2? Come on man. Chicago's (the city) like. top 3 of american cities for theatre. what the fuck. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL ARTS???

i love chicago (the musical) (maybe also the city idk), so I had to give a little credit. And frankly, while writing that bit, I watched the moment back--- He did KIND OF RUN INTO IT, LIKE I HONESTLY THINK THAT WAS KIND OF AN ACCIDENT

anyways i'm gonna shut the fuck up now chapter out soon love you bye gotta answer more asks!!

[you-get-the-gist]

Hello everyone it seems more people than I thought are expressing an interest in my hlvrai fanfic so!!!!!!!!! I have one problem

help

Little summary under the cut of what you can expect:

SO basically, Benrey has been basically monkey-wrenching himself a time loop. Every time he 'dies'/gets defeated, he wills himself a second try so hard time restarts. Well, roughly.

Really, it's more of a "everyone except Benrey forgets about the last run, and the world gets reset." So Benrey tries again and again to be good, to appeal to Gordon, to get SOME sort of love, and it just does NOT work. The harder he digs his heels into making things go his way, it doesn't work.

The story needs a villain, and that's what he is, oooobviously (sarcasm, he's the POV of the story mostly)

It's only once he accepts death that he learns that the only way things can change is to let them pass.

And oh baby, SOMEONE has to learn that too (Gordon).

Oh also, the whole world was constructed by G-Man as a way to give his comatose son a world of his own (Tommy). Basically, bunch of machines tap into your mind n you get your own little simulation!! Of course, if you don't want your son to be trapped in what is basically his own mind, the little experiment needed other test subjects. Buddies, if you will.

That's how the rest of the science team came to be! Only a liiiittle fucked up via consciousness upload or whatever.

This experiment has been affectionately dubbed 'the Torment Nexus' by me n my friends, because it's kinda based off the hypothetical that was like "if you could start your life over but it was a simulation/not real, would you?" And in my mind, the answer to that hypothetical is "actually not really." So, yeah, Torment Nexus!!

More details can be uncovered if you. yknow. read it.

[pink-car]

a list of the assorted thoughts i wrote down when watching my first hockey game

does anyone need to really know these? nope

- why do i root for my home team honestly

- milano is a fun last name

- they honestly are less smooth with the sticks that i was expecting. the random clacking i’ve experienced in school floor hockey is not,,, not happening. which makes sense because like,,, you’re fighting for the puck but Inchresting

- i wonder if it’s normal to be up by 3 and still in the 1st

- any time they just hit that shit as far as possible in the right direction is quite funny to me and reminds me of my own floor hockey strategy. no clue if that’s what they’re actually doing or if i’m missing a nuance but oh well. i know sometimes it’s to a player just way off but i swear sometimes they’re just smacking that shit

- i should have looked at players’ names before this

- oh i do not know positions. i mean i kinda do. like i can figure some of the names out.

- whatever analysis thing is happening now has a guy with a cool rainbow tie 👍

- “they haven’t looked that great” yeah i’ve noticed but when have i ever cared about that

- hey at least the devils are taking more shots on the goal now. even if it doesn’t result in anything

- leaving the goal as a goalie terrifies me. i could never. i get why you would to an extent but Scary

- oh hey look at us (new jersey) go (scored one (1) point)

- oh wow they even did it again

- not to expose myself as someone that doesn’t watch any sport besides motorsport, but it’s fun and visually stimulating to watch them all move

- oh wow again. that one was funky lmao. lots of scrambling

- my knees could not handle being a goalie

- i like this more than (american) football. i like that its just kinda like,,, “here’s the puck, go off” and not like,, “ah well you’ve formally lost the Sport Item so get fucked”

- though i don’t understand when the like,,, not restart but the like “everyone chill and line up again” thing happens and why

- ah the other hughes

- i forgot penalties would be a thing, huh

- i changed my mind. i do think i actually know the positions fine. i thought they were more complicated than they actually are

- i figured out how the penalty worked

- oh god why is it 9pm already

- i could not name a single famous hockey player now that i’m thinking about it. maybe if you said a name i could he like “oh yeah” but at least most other sports i can name like,, someone famous which i guess in an interesting commentary on the lack of focus on hockey in pop culture. i did watch a hockey movie in ap gov once but i cannot remember Anyone

- okay they just showed a wayne gretzky record thing and that is a name i could have been like “oh yeah” to

- i cannot stop hearing “strome” as “stroll”

- i don’t know if it was a strategy to throw yourself in front of the puck or he just fell but i hope it was a strategy because that’s hilarious

- i’m glad the commetators sound as surprised as i am cause this is such a funky breakdown of “i score all the points this period” back and forth between them lmao

- “last night 16 games” yeah please never do that again (they’re doing it again)

- honestly easier to understand than i thought. which i don’t know why i thought it would be super hard

- i just audibly said “eek” what the fuck is wrong with me

- empty net is such a wild concept. the fact that’s even a thing is hilarious. “what if we just. fucked around. went hard yknow”

- new jersey represent (we lost <3)

- i feel like a martin truex jr fan all over again

bonus from the interviews after:

- the rink is in NEWARK? i mean. it makes sense and i don’t know why i’m surprised but damn

overall interesting experience. would watch another game honestly. i’m trying to be normal though. and not. Extreme. i can’t do any more sports to the extreme my god

[pixelkip]

Guess who finally played her favorite touhou game character/setting-wise. which also happens to be the most infuriating,ly hard game in the entire fucking series

sorry i . i need to be feral about this game just bear with me please .

this is my first time listening to the entire ost toghether in a WHILE and holy fuck does it hit different when youre actually playing

fuck yea dude that music sure is c a v e

who gave a first stage boss the right to have such a fucking banger.

I AM EATING THE XYLOPHONE OR WHATEVER HTE FUCK IT IS. ITS SO GOOD OUGHGH KDFJJHKLDFGDFG JADGML

parsee's theme makes me wanna cry thanks zun for making me feel for the most frustrating early game boss ever

yuugi pplease step on me i mean what

i went fucking apeshit just seeing the palace of earth spirits in-game for myself for the first time. the komejis were like,. the first 2hus i got really attached to so yknow im very normal about them i promise. <= proud owner of (bootleg) fumos of both of them

SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI

i fucking squealed like an idiot when satori maiden started playing . its so. aughhghg <33333

its a damn good thing i'd already listened to Lullaby For Deserted Hell a million times before i played this bc otherwise that stage wouldve made me despise it.

if i ever make it to that extra stage (unlikely bc im struggling to even get through stage 5 on easy) i think ill actually cry . partially bc of the difficulty but also .,. as any of my friends know im totally sane about koishi and Last Remote and Hartmann's Youaki Girl so very normal i promi se all that being said this game pisses me off more than any other game has before. what do you MEAN CONTINUE MAKES ME RESTART THE STAGE AND BOMBS RELY ON POWER LEVEL at the same time tho i am injecting it directly into my bloodstream. Any of my non touhou nerd friends for the love of fuck listen to the Subterranean Animism ost. please . its so good.

[schizowitchic]

re: the last post i reblogged i am now going to rant about biphobia i have experienced and am experiencing! yay /s

(under a cut bc this got way too long)

so in secondary school i was in a friend group full of queer people, majority of whom were bisexual girls (at the time. a couple are now nonbinary / asexual) . and they were very big on the whole "bisexual culture is liking every woman and 2 men" thing, a lot of "ew men" jokes, and all in all general "liking women is better than liking men" "why am i dating a gross icky man i should be with a woman".

now i am more attracted to men than women, not by much, its typically fairly equal, but i definitely have a leaning towards men. and i repressed that for AGES. because it simply was "frowned upon", so to speak, from almost everyone i was close with

(for further context for the rest of this. i am not out as genderfluid. i use she/her pronouns irl and ppl know me as a cis woman. i am not really out as aromantic, when i identified as aroace i did tell a few people but i think they either completely ignored me or forgot. lol.)

nowadays, i tell my friends i am bisexual. one in particular always seems to forget, constantly calling me gay/lesbian, assuming i have no opinion or that my opinion will be "ew no" when she asks if i find a man she likes hot. (she has told me so many times "why am i asking you this you don't even like men". i have told her i am bisexual several times) (she also thinks it's funny to call me & another friend "f-slurs" . she says that not the actual word but still. i have to find it funny bc she gets so defensive if we imply she's homophobic)

(i do call myself gay bc i consider none of my attraction ever to be straight. i have no major issues with being called a lesbian apart from the fact that. yknow. im not a lesbian and have never identified as such)

i made a post a while back saying something like "help im being biseuxal erasured". because i am!! i am stuck in yet another situation with people who are either mainly attracted to women/only attracted to women/don't often talk about their attraction to me & also two cishet girls who are attracted to men in a very different way than i am (one of whom erases the fact i am attracted to men and the other who i don't like and probably assumes i'm a lesbian bc of how often everyone else says that)

also full of "ew men" jokes!!. might i add.

i literally have no space to talk about the way i experience attraction, i have to water it down and pretend i only like women, pretend i am interested in romance, pretend i feel attraction when the occasioanll bout of extreme sex-repulsion hits, take (albeit censored) homophobic slurs, sex jokes about me & another female friend that are getting uncomfortable.

and pretend like the main perpretatror of this isn't being at all queerphobic. (she also has massive racism and antisemitism issues. although my friend did throw basically a whole book at her face when she made a really bad joke). to the point where i no longer consider her a friend but i can't say that bc then im overreacting and i'll get the same bullying ostracisation treatment & my friends are still gonna hang out w her so i can't avoid it

people wonder why i am aplatonic when throughout friendships i have experienced: making fun of me to my face & behind my back, bullying, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism .

like what the fuck. im sick and fucking tired of having nowhere safe to express my sexuality bc let's be real, the internet often isn't the best space.

ive made my peace with either having to compromise my aromanticism or my allosexuality irl (ie either be out as bisexual or out as aroace) but apparently i can't even freely be bisexual without people making assumptions and at this point im just waiting it out until i can hit restart and try make new friends

[selznick]

sorry, i restarted my acnh island after not playing for years (i think last time i played they'd released the first update for the museum but im not sure), and ive just completed project kk, get a letter to go to Harvey's island. and how theyd decided to go about this is fucking bizarre

like, having all the shops/unique npcs be on harveys island was what i expected, becuz it makes sense that harvey would want to build a little community and host everyone

but why bells????

like, he literally comments in game that he doesn't want to have capital and all that, but ue has no choice so oh well

but like, i have just completed project kk, you know, where you need to collect materials to build the first house, and to build nooklings, and to build a bridge and to build the furniture for the houses and appealing scenery

what do you mean ypu have no choice????

did the game devs just forget the Entire gimmick of their game???? yknow, the whole building an island from scratch with the materials found on that island

surely the solution to harvey not collecting capital would be to collect materials instead??? and that would also allow for the opportunity for each Lloyd to collect stuff unique to the characters moving in, give them personality before you meet them, instead of them all just being 100 000 bells to get

like maybe katrina (fortune telling) needs a star fragment as part of her materials, or leif (plants) needs weeds or fruit or veggies, or reese and cyrus (refurbishing) need the customisation ticket things

which would make getting them a bit more fun than just money

also, after completing project kk, i still have a house to upgrade, so i can have more storage, i have items ill want to buy to decorate my island, bells are something i dont have a lot of in saving because ive literally just started the game

it makes no sense to make them all cost bells, but also no sense to put them as accessible so early into the game, when people won't have the bells to unlock them

it just seems like a quick, lazy decision that no one put much thought into, and fully ignores the game and the characters in it

[bossyuri]

Ima put my random thoughts about SRV in here! It probably won't make much sense but wtv sdfsg

again I haven't placed the last building or conquered the whole map yet, as context, but i did finish the main story aside from that.

So ima start of with thoughts while disregarding how the bugs affected the experience!

Overall, I had a good time! I really enjoyed it. I love the new crew. I loved the focus on friendship. I'd say the story overall is nothing really special though, which I don't think is necesserily a bad thing. Sometimes a chill story packaged in a fun game is good ya know.

I loved finding out bits and pieces about our friends through dialogue, I think that was great, and I really liked that it felt like a solid friend group. Modern Yuri (as I like to colloqually call him lmao) is so much more mellow from having a good support system early on lol. But he's still got some Classic Yuri in him.

The rival gangs I think that thematically, visually, their music and stuff, they were great. I liked them a lot, they had good contrast, their music when you fight them rules. I do think that they were a little underused in the actual story though so they don't quite leave the impact that say, the Syndicate did. The threat they posed felt more theorical than anything you actually see. Again not the worst thing, but I feel like they could've used a bit more time to be more present. (I did like how the Panteros stuff ended because it tied in with other things later though!). Like I think in particular that the collective could have been used a lot more.

That said I did play with looong months-long break for the first quarter of the game so idk how that affected my impression. And the last few missions I think were really, really cool, I really liked them! But I felt like the middle parts after a certain point weren't quite as memorable.

But I don't think it was bad! And the game isn't quite over yet, so I'm looking forward to what's to come.

Also I did like how narratively the game tries to give you a nice fantasy release from a lot of real life issues. I'm sure many people at Volition had to face these frustrations in their lives and it felt like. relatable yknow.

Now though.....so I work in game QA, going on my 7th year, and the game released in....really an unnacceptable state, which was really a bummer and really harmed it. I don't blame the devs. Devs want to give us good games. But they don't control release dates.

and they did not control covid. I know a lot people see covid as an "excuse" to fuck up games but trust me as someone who was working in the industry through it all, it absolutely messed up a *lot* of stuff that you may never know about. My setup from home is still not ideal. And thats not even getting into employee burnout but anyway-

I've had crashes to desktop, blockers in missions (regularly), broken multiplayer (tho i havent had a chance to test it again after patches) needing full game restarts for a variety of reasons (clothes broken, face broken, world stopped populating, quest blocked...) the clothes system still breaks for me after so many months after release (thought its a lot better. i dont fear the stores as much anymore lol). I don't know if it's a quirk of the PC version, but it would have been so much more of a good experience if they had had the time to polish the game more before release. Lots of gamers don't have much patience for this kinda shit, and it's a shame for a game that has a lot of love put into it.

But they're still patching the game, and the QOL changes that they keep adding are really good. The game is a lot more stable for me too so I will definitely keep playing, and I'm hoping that my mental state will allow me to make some fun content from it. I'm still kinda hoping for a steam release sometime so I might get to replay the story again if that happens. Because taking screenshots on epic is a goddamn pain.

So huh anyway. I don't think anyone cares that much but if you've read that far thank you! And also thanks for sticking around with me for so long despite my dropping off the face of the earth in a depression spiral. But I'm still around and Yuri is still around. And Saints Row V is fun!