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o-flairegan · 1 month ago

Text

Story is under the cut if you want to read it here

Footnote

So I'll just take a footnote in your life,

And you could take my body

Every line I would write for you,

But a footnote will do,

A footnote will do.

Footnote- Conan Gray

Agatha stares off silently, the crisp morning air numbing her face and hands as she stands on the back porch. The wind blows lazily through the trees and tousels her hair but she doesn't move.

Even as the cold seeps through her jacket and the mug of tea in her hands cools she stays rooted, looking at the woodlands and knowing everything has changed.

Agatha feels empty, like someone has carved out a hollow in her chest where her heart used to be. The gnawing ache and jittery feelings seem in sharp contrast and she doesn't know if she should stay still or run.

Her mind turns to the one person she wants to reach for, Rio. With that thought the tears finally fall and she swallows harshly around the lump in her throat.

If only it were that simple, but Rio isnt hers anymore and maybe never should have been.

It is a self deprecating thought but she can't help it. She is a forty year old artist with not much to show for her life except some cool artwork and some interesting life stories.

While Rio is a young college student, with an exceedingly bright future ahead of her.

Agatha had hoped to be there to see her achieve her wants and dreams but all that had shattered a few nights ago over text.

"Um so Kara asked me out on a date."

Those words will haunt her forever, like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. Agatha can't say how many times her eyes traced those words.

She knew that what they had was a hope at best but It hurt all the same.

When this had first started between them Agath had said , "If someone else comes along dont give that up for what we might be."

She regrets those words, a bitter taste in her mouth and anguish in her heart.

Agatha knew it had been a risk to fall for Rio, foolhardy to open herself up but it had been so easy. The young woman was sarcastic, smart and funny, while showing moments of sweetness and care.

It was hard not to care, to fall for her a little bit every day over text and phone calls.

A month was all they really had before everything was upended by that one little text.

However it felt longer because every waking moment felt like Rio was involved in some way. Agatha had wanted to share her work and anything new in her life.

Both at one point had admitted to hoping that the notifications on their phones meant it was a message from the other.

The friendship came easy and with it more. Nothing ever happened between the two, not physically anyway. Not for a lack of wanting at least from both parties.

If they hadn't been states away from one another maybe things would have been different.

With a deep sigh Agatha steps in from the cold and drains the last of her lukewarm tea, her face screwing up at the taste.

As she cleans her mug and starts making a light breakfast she thinks over the last two days and the conversations she has shared with Rio.

She will be happy to never hear the words I'm sorry again. They had been uttered and texted too many times to count. From both parties.

Even as Agatha reeled with the knowledge of Rio wanting to date someone else she still worried about the young woman. She still cared and wanted her safe.

Didn't matter that her heart was cracking and she felt like she hadn't been able to properly breathe in days.

Even though she had wanted to wipe the slate clean like with every past relationship, something kept her from it.

She couldn't bring herself to leave and instead offered friendship because the thought of not having Rio in her life at all hurt more than the thought of not having her.

It would be an adjustment, to shove all those feelings aside but they had been friends and she would do it for Rio. Would do anything for her if it would make her happy.

The only lingering doubt she had was if whoever Rio was dating would care.

They are ex-something's after all and not everyone is alright with their partner being friends with an ex.

Agatha can only hope that isn't the case but at the same time she wants Rio to be honest.

If the young woman tells her to go she will walk away and never look back even though it would pain her to do so.

Finishing breakfast Agatha pushes the thoughts of the young woman from her mind.

All she can do is hope for the best.

It isn't till that evening when night has fallen and anything that Agatha can use to distract herself has long been abandoned that her thoughts begin to wander.

Her house is still, the only sound is the hum of the heater while the darkness just brings forth memories.

She can hear Rios' voice in her head, her laughter, the soft rasp in her voice when she is sleepy and the purr in her voice as she said such delicious things.

Agatha squeezed her eyes shut tightly and tried to will the voice in her head away. Her hands come up to rub at her eyes harshly.

Agatha felt wrong in that moment craving Rio as she did. It was all in the past and it had to stay there for the good of them both.

She can't help but wonder if Rio thinks of her on nights like this or if she has moved on.

Agatha selfishly hopes she remembers her, remembers their late night chats, their flirty exchanges that bled into more.

She would never ask, doesn't want to know if she is remembered or if she has been so easily forgotten as she feels. Yet she craves it here in the dark, her wicked heart craving what she can not have in the daylight.

Her breath comes in shuddering gasps as tears fall. Agatha hates herself for this weakness, hates how the lingering doubts she has stirs the depression she keeps at bay.

All artists are tortured in some way, she is no different. Parents who wanted nothing to do with her, living on her own for so long and in situations she isn't proud of have left their own scars.

Agatha will deal with the old wounds along with the heartache she feels. The one good of this all is that Rio will never see her like this, this pitiful shell of herself.

With the upcoming holidays she will throw herself into projects and distractions. Especially knowing Rio won't be far from her, but the young woman isn't hers. Not anymore.

It would be too soon to see her as a friend, especially with things how they are now.

Agatha doesn't trust herself. Not yet. So she will spend the holidays alone as she has for years.

Sure she has friends but those friends have family and inevitably she will end up alone.

In a selfish way she wishes this had all occurred after the holidays, if only to save her the extra anguish.

With no more tears left to shed the older woman falls into a fitful sleep.

Agatha wakes the next morning feeling groggy, eyes aching and swollen. She reaches for her phone, poised to send Rio a message out of habit but falters.

She can't do it, she needs to give Rio her space. So she sets down her phone and instead goes to make tea as is her morning routine.

After tea she gathers her paintbrushes, watercolors and water and sits at her desk to paint. She hits play on the music and freezes as the first notes of The Exit by Conan Gray hit her ears. Agathas had forgotten that her carefully curated playlist of music is peppered with bits of music Rio had introduced her too.

Just another in a long list of things she won't soon forget.

Yet Agatha spends the day painting and listening to the music, only taking the breaks for food and to let the paint dry.

Each piece she paints feels a bit like a soothing balm. It won't fix the ache in her chest, only time can heal that and she has nothing but time.

Leaning back in her chair, Agatha blindly reaches for her phone, pausing her music before opening her texts and hitting Rio's name.

“Can I still send you your Xmas present?”

Agatha hits send before she can think twice about it.

Rio's message comes through quicker than Agatha had thought it would. “Only if you want to.”

Agatha wants to scream. Of course she wants to, had made something what feels like ages ago for the younger woman.

She takes a beat to reign in her emotions before responding. “I do. I made it for you.”

The response she gets in return is simple. “Then yeah.”

Agatha breathes a sigh of relief, glad that she can at least do that for Rio.

Still in the late hours of the evening, still sitting at her art desk Agatha wonders what might have been.

Thinks about their plans and what she had secretly hoped for. She wishes she had been selfish, had been greedy

Rio though deserved better, deserved to have those experiences. To live, love, make mistakes and learn.

And really what could Agatha offer her other than her heart and some pretty paintings?

She would stay in the young woman's life as long as she was wanted, or would fade out with time, till she was just a memory.

Sighing, Agatha dropped the pen shaking her head to clear the thoughts. With a flourish she finishes with the short note to Rio.

With trembling hands she placed it in the package that held the young womens Christmas present. It was just waiting to be packed and sent off.

Agatha could only hope the present would be appreciated as keeping them would only serve as a reminder of what she had lost.

Maybe in the future things would be different but she wouldn't live for the hope of it all.

Sealing the box she rests her hands on it for a moment as her chest tightens and her eyes flood with unshed tears.

Raising her hand to her lips she places a soft kiss on them and touches the box. She will send it when she has a chance and can only wish it will be well received.

With a twinge she does worry that it might be a bit much but really it was a painting that she hopes Rio enjoys.

And who knows, maybe someday things will be different for the two of them. Or at least Agatha can hope.

#agatha x rio #agathario #agatha harkness #artist agatha harkness #warning this is sad #rio vidal #agatha harnkess centric

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