#arrrr me maties

[maretriarch]

arrrr i be wanting to crash me ship adash the rocky cliffs sometimes maties

[littlebodybi7heart]

Im reposting again bc i actually kinda liked the way i looked huh

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Captain Wario

Debut: Game & Wario

Are you ready to get DOWN? Game & Wario may be a bit of a mixed bag, with most agreeing that the best part by far was Gamer- the one part that was like a traditional WarioWare game- but me? I think Pirates is the real breakout star!

As with most WarioWare games, Wario takes on an alter-ego to host the final stage, this one, of course, being Captain Wario. In the other games, there are typically some sort of zany shenanigans to transform Wario, but here, he just sees a pirate costume, decides he wants it, and gets it. But I can dig it! Good for you, Wario! You’re doing what makes you happy and you don’t care what anybody says!

As mundane as the backstory may be, though the actual game of Pirates goes COMPLETELY BONKERS WITH FUNK! What were you expecting? Swordfighting? Plundering? Cannon-firing? Well, you get DANCING, and it is amazing. Just listen to this!

This is the music that accompanies you as you dance to block arrows shot at you by dancing ghost pirates on a bouncing pirate ship in space. And I’m talking real dancing! This game really puts the Wii U’s capabilities to work, having you bounce rhythmically and move the GamePad to the beat to block the arrows, and then copy Wario’s moves in order to shoot an energy blast at the poor pirates! (P-O-O-Arrrr!)

So let’s talk about those pirates, huh? Besides a distinct musical style, this minigame also has a pretty killer art and animation style! Captain Wario here feels almost simultaneously like Wario and like he could be his own character who just sort of happens to look like Wario.

I’d like to draw your attention, however, to the REAL stars of the show: Captain Wario’s ghostly maties! As we all know by now, there is next to nothing better than a cute, silly ghost, and boy howdy, is this ghost cute and silly! Lopsided eyes, a jagged mouth, floaty hands... this may be one of the best designs I have ever seen, ghost, pirate, or otherwise! If this is what becomes of you after being sent to Davey Jones’ Locker, I’ll happily walk the plank!

...also they invited Annoying Orange here to play the role of the disco ball.

[weeklyhumorist]

New Career Suggestions For My Freeloading, Annoying, Worthless Coworkers

Acting

They certainly have the practice of pretending to be working or like that one time when Tracy burst into tears claiming her mother had been “so sick” that Tracy had fallen behind in her work even though her facebook posts from Coachella didn’t mention a sick mom. She could earn an Oscar in no time.

Fertilizer distributor

After peddling bullshit around the office, they should be experts. Like that time Tom claimed he couldn’t do his work because the software was updating and somehow no one else had that problem but the boss believed him. He could clear of field of fertilizer in five minutes flat.

Suitcase Seller

They’ve been dragging around their own emotional baggage for so long that they might enjoy the opportunity to help others pick out their own. One time Maggie used some unresolved Daddy-issues to foist off her worst three clients onto my desk.  She would be able to find the perfect piece of luggage for all situations.

Hostage Negotiator

To beat the hostage taker, you have to think like the hostage taker.  Nathan for instance has held us all hostage during the weekly Friday meeting for years.  He insists on asking “just one more question just to make sure” until eventually the boss gives in and assigns the work to someone else. (ME!)

Mime

First off everyone hates mimes so Tom and Maggie are shoo ins! Between Tom’s pretending to update software and Maggie pushing her work onto my desk, they have already mastered the mime skills of looking like they are doing something useful without actually accomplishing anything.  Slap some white facepaint on them and they will give Marcel Marceau a run for his silent money.

Pirate

Stealing things that don’t belong to you and using bad grammar. Arrrr, that sounds like a perfect fit for Nathan. When he’s not sidelining meetings with dumb questions, he’s emailing incompressible questions to me in hopes that I just do it myself.  And I have plenty of time since he keeps getting “confused” and “accidentally” eating my lunch.  Vast ye maties, Nathan is here steal your organic gyro and your sanity.

Proctologist

A proctologist really needs to know their way around a butt and since Tracy constantly has her brown nose jammed into the boss’s she is perfectly qualified.  Between hysterically laughing at all his jokes to fawning over the boss every time he has an idea, she is ready to start the colonoscopy whenever she finishes medical school. Although she is so far up there that it might take her a while to navigate back out. Someone send Tracy a flashlight and tell her to turn right at the prostate.

  New Career Suggestions For My Freeloading, Annoying, Worthless Coworkers was originally published on Weekly Humorist