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kooktrash · 4 years ago

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14 and jk pls

okay bestie, 14: sleepover and decide to play t or d BUT WITH A TWIST. I got inspo from the CUT game Truth Or Drink, but anyways. hope you like it. omg I’m scared

summary: you’ve been friends with Jungkook for months now, a severe thunderstorm and a drinking game blurs the lines between friendship and more.

warning(s): mature language, college friends, drinking, jungkook is a bit flirty, some of the questions are dirty, implied smut, friends with feeling. Plot with little porn.

truth or drink | jeon jungkook

- “The weather app sucks ass,” he huffed, staring out the window into the thunderstorm waiting for him outside. His eyes shifted down to the app, which changed from a warm night to showcasing clouds of gray and thunder on his screen.

“Severe Thunder Storm warning, if you are from any of the following districts, blah blah blah, remain sheltered from the time being until 6:45am the following day,” you read the weather alert out loud. Jungkook looked back at you, “Um what? I live clear across town, how the hell am I gonna get through that?”

It was true. Your dear friend lived far from your place, and the original plan for the two of you tonight was to study for your Psych exam and then go out for drinks with your friends. It had already been a struggle trying to get him to study, but now he was in an even worse mood because you weren’t going to be able to go out drinking. “Just sleepover crybaby,” you rolled your eyes making yourself comfortable on your couch, “Let’s drink or something.”

“Just us two?” He gnawed on his bottom lip nervously stepping away from the window and looking down at you, “Won’t it be boring?”

“Jieun’s got some drinking games here somewhere, check the media console,” you instructed him, stretching lazily as you pushed yourself up again, “I’ll go find something to drink for us. I think we still have some bottles of Soju laying around.”

“Truth or Drink, what the fuck is that?” Jungkook asked, scooting next to you on the coffee table as he held a little white box. Upon opening it he was met with four different card deck boxes, he read them carefully, “Which one should we do?”

He read the box, Last Call, eyes skimming the quick summary on the back, “Warning, do not play these questions unless it’s very late and you’ve got nothing to lose. Let’s play this one. Wait but it says three or more people.”

You poured Soju into two small glasses, “Yeah it’s to help find winners because the dealer has to choose between two answers. But let’s just play it a different way, there’s usually two questions on a card, we choose the best one, ask the other person and if they can’t answer they drink. And then we can ask the second question if we want to.”

“I need a beginner’s drink real quick,” he chugged down the liquor set in front of them, urging you to do the same, “I want to go first. I just have to pick a card from the pile and ask you?”

You nodded, setting two small piles on the table and waiting for him to decide which one he wants to ask. His eyes widened, “Oh fuck, these questions are heavy. First one and it’s already a lot. Um anyways,” he shook his head as if giving himself motivation, “Does our relationship bring out the best in you? In me? If not, why?”

You thought about it for a moment, “I think, we bring out the best in each other. You’re my best friend and you make me laugh easily and always make me feel comfortable and not a lot of people make me feel that way. I do think I am a better person because of our friendship.”

He wiped at his eye, pretending to shed a tear, “That was beautiful. Okay hurry up, ask me something.” He set the card to the side, waiting patiently for you to choose one. You laughed reading the question, “Who is in control of our relationship?”

“Fuck you, you know you are,” Jungkook huffed crossing his arms in front of him, “Everybody calls me your little puppy. I have separation anxiety it is not my fault.” The two of you chuckled, you watched him reach into the deck again, brows arching as he read, “What am I the most ignorant about?”

You debated answering. There were a few things your friend was ignorant about but you weren’t sure how to say it. In reality the two of you had barely been friends for a little over a year and though you hung out all the time you weren’t sure you were ready to have any deeper conversations. You reached for your drink, taking a drink swiftly ignoring the way his jaw dropped to the floor, “Don’t play with me, answer.”

“I can’t,” you shrugged, “I already took a drink. It’s Truth or Drink, not Truth and Drink.” He leaned forward a little, pout evident on his face, “Please. Please just answer this one. This is the only one I’ll ask you to do.”

“Fine!” You groaned throwing yourself back onto the pillow you set behind you, “I think you can be ignorant when it comes to your looks.” His brows furrowed, turning toward you, tempted to lay down as well. “I mean,” you thought for a moment, “Everyone knows you’re an attractive guy, except you. You’re always complaining about being single or lonely. And I know a ton of girls who’d kill to go on a date with you.”

“Wait,” he shook his head trying to process the information, “You think I’m attractive?” You rolled your eyes, sitting back up with a sigh, “That wasn’t part of the question. My turn.”

You sighed, reading the question out loud, “Do I often seem like I’m being fake?”

He thought for a moment, “Yes. Sometimes I feel like, you don’t really want to be friends with me, or that I annoy you and you just don’t know how to tell me to leave you alone. Or that you just keep me around because you’re bored.”

“Aw,” you frowned, “Oh my god, Kook I’m sorry I make you feel that way. I promise our friendship is 100% real and I am not being fake about it at all.” He smiled widely looking over to the other decks, picking the red one up, “Extra Dirty, let’s play it.”

“No,” you groaned as he changed the mood in the room rather quickly with his distracted mind. He ignored you reading the summary, “Sex, drugs, and rock n roll. All the questions your dark subconscious wants to ask your friends. Yeah let’s play it, the other deck was getting too emotional, can we do this one instead?”

“Fine but if it’s anything too weird I’m just drinking,” you told him. He nodded understandingly as he reached for a card, choking on his own spit for a minute before an evil smile came to his face, “What’s something you wish your ex would have done sexually, but didn’t?”

Fuck. Of course he’d be smiling at this question. Jungkook absolutely hated your ex boyfriend, Hobi. He thought he was rude and sexist and you had to agree just a little. You were friends with Hobi now but he wasn’t the best in a relationship. “Fuck,” you bit your lower lip in concentration, “I’ll tell you but this stays between you and I.”

He stuck his pinky finger out, locking it with yours as he waited eagerly for your answer. You weren’t going to pussy out of a question again so you were just going to say it. “He could never make me cum from eating me out, like never, not even with his fingers,” you hurriedly covered your face with your hands embarrassment filling you as it sat quietly on Jungkook’s end. The breakup was fairly recent so it was still a little awkward and the few hook ups you ve had since then sucked ass. “My turn,” you reached for a card taking his silence as a sign of awkwardness.

Huffing, you read carefully, “Do you find me physically attractive? What if I bat my eyelashes like this?” You did as the card said, batting your lashes at him with innocent and big eyes. He sat for a moment, “Most definitely, he said quickly grabbing another card, “You’re unbelievably attractive. Anyways.”

You could see his tongue push against his cheek, brows knitted together, “What’s your most complimented anatomical feature as described by your lovers?”

You chuckled lightly, “Realistically? Probably my chest.” You caught the way his eyes lingered down for a moment, face softening as he nodded his head. You giggled looking down at the card you just picked from the pile, “Are you loud during sex? Demonstrate with a dramatic interpretation of your signature sounds.”

“I’m drinking,” he mumbled but you shook your head laughing. “No no, you had me answer a question after I drank so I’m gonna do the same. I really want to hear what you got.” He groaned, covering his face in his hands, “Give me a minute, let me take this drink first.”

“Okay so,” he cleared his throat, “I wouldn’t say I’m loud, but I’m not quiet either. I think it also depends on what we’re doing. I’m louder when I’m getting my dick sucked, and it kinda sounds like, um,” he paused for a second. Breathing getting heavier as he began to show you, his mouth fell open, small whines leaving his lips followed by a couple grunts, “Fuck! Okay I’m done. Let me pick a damn card.”

You bursted out laughing as his ears turned a dark red. “It’s getting serious,” you giggled not noticing the way his embarrassed expression turned into a sly smirk, “Got your ass bestie, now it’s your turn. Give a passionate example of your dirty talk.”

You threw yourself back dramatically, debating on taking a drink or not. He smiled, “If you drink you’re a pussy.” “Fine hold on,” you say up scooting closer to him. Clearing your throat, you touched his shoulder lightly, bringing yourself closer to his ear too scared to say it loud so you chose to whisper instead. “You have really pretty hands Kook,” you started. He tensed underneath you for a moment, “I wouldn’t mind having them wrapped around my neck here and there.” Maybe it was the liquor already in your system but this wasn’t as embarrassing as you thought it’d be, and the goosebumps on his skin were making you want to say just a little bit more before it ended.

“And your fingers are so long and pretty,” you looked down at his tattooed hand, “I wonder how they’d feel all over me— Okay I’m done! My turn,” you grabbed a card, ignoring his silent stance. “If we were in a porn together, what category would it be under?”

He cleared his throat sitting straighter as he recollected himself, “Probably something along the lines of, ‘College Hunk Destroys Bratty Girl’ yeah that’d definitely be it.”

“You’re annoying,” you rolled your eyes as he went on for his turn, reading it loudly, “Are you a good kisser? If so, demonstrate.”

“It does not say that,” you muttered. You knew for a fact it didn’t. When Jieun got the game the two of you read every card in every deck and none of them were that suggestive. They said crazy things but nothing that involved intimate physical contact with someone else playing. “It does,” Jungkook said as matter-of-fact. “Okay then show me where it says that.”

“No.”

“Then you’re a liar,” you reached for the card but he held it away, “If you’re a bad kisser just say that Y/n.”

“I’m not!” You whined stretching forward for the card, hand pushing in his knee. He smiled at you, holding the card high as your faces were just a mere inches away from each other, “Well then demonstrate or take the L.” You sighed, hands using his legs to push yourself forward. He stared down at you, arm slowly lowering but his grip on the card was tight in case you tried snatching it out. You looked down at his parted and waiting lips, debating if you should actually go for it.

You were both a little tipsy, and you could always just blame your kiss on the alcohol. It wasn’t like you never thought about Jungkook in that way but you did your best to keep it as a simple friendship. Getting the courage, your back arched slightly as you leaned up to connect your lips with his softly. It was a soft kiss, his lips mets yours immediately going in for it. It wasn’t anything special but he was very obviously a good kisser. When you felt him dip in to further the kiss you attempted to pull away, his following lips going after you. Before you could catch your breath after your separation, his hand dropped the card, Both hands flying to your jaw and cupping your face in his hands as he pulled you in again.

You fell forward, hands gripping his shoulders to steady yourself. His large hands were soft, the pad of his thumbs caressing your cheeks as he pushed his tongue against you. You opened your mouth a little more allowing him access. Your could hear buzzing in the back, but as you tried to pull away, Jungkook only held you closer. You didn’t mind though, if you would’ve known kissing your best friend felt this good, you might’ve tried it sooner. His hands trailed down to your waist, pulling you swiftly onto his lap, as he leaned back against the legs of the couch. You pressed yourself closer deepening the kiss as your hands grinned onto his hair lightly. His hands brushed your sides and under your shirt. His cold hands on your bare stomach surprised you, the hand gripping a lock of hair pulled causing him to let out a breathy groan.

He pushed you down onto the floor, hovering above you as he wrapped your legs around his waist. His hands pushed your shirt up, kisses trailing down your jaw and neck, “If you don’t want this, tell me now because I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”

“I want you,” you told him as he looked down at you with doe eyes. “I want you too.”

yoongi: i got locked out of my place. ur at y/n’s right? can I come over?

yoongi: hellooooo

yoongi: ANSWER YOUR PHONE

yoongi: if I catch a cold I’m suing fat

A/n OKAY LISTEN. I wanted to put smut in but I wasn’t sure if you’d be comfortable with that so I chose not to. I hope you like it, and I can always do a Drabble with smut if that’s something you want. Thank you for requesting bestie, and DONT BE SHY

#kpop #jeon jungkook #Jungkook #jungkook drabble #jungkook imagine #bts drabble #kooktrash requests #kim taehyung #kim seokjin #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #min yoongi #park jimin #bts #bts smut #bts one shot #bts requests

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stolen-kisses-a · 3 years ago

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The Night Ali Disappeared ~ A PLL Night of Terror ~

In other words, the night Ali had too many people against and after her and she almost got murdered for it.

*most info comes from a PLL site if I can’t remember every little detail so I rewrote the majority of my version of events and copy and pasted some parts along with some of the pictures, so credit goes to them for putting it altogether for us.

Link: https://prettylittleliars.fandom.com/wiki/Sequence_of_Events_-_Alison%27s_Disappearance#The_Day_Alison_Went_Missing_-_September_1

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Lets take a trip down memory lane shall we??? This is gonna be a long one. Read it if you want to or read it from the link as well :)

1. The morning of: Alison went to Hilton Head to meet up and be with Ian to get her mind off of - A. And at the same time Melissa was there with Ian but in separate rooms. Melissa showed up in Ian’s room and was angry with Ian for knowing Ali is there with him and he tells her that Alison means nothing to him, that’s when Alison finds Ian’s creepy pedo videos and it happens to be one of Toby and Jenna. She gets a copy of the video and then leaves.

2. Alison checks into the Lost Woods Resort under her Alias Vivian. Sparia also found out she checked in another time. But the dates are confusing. This will be explained later on (#23).

3. Alison then dressed up as Vivian Darkbloom and had Duncan fly her from Hilton Head to a field near Philadelphia 6-7 hours before the girls believed her to arrive (I’m not sure if it’s true or not). She then was going to meet A face to face finally after having a newspaper convo back and forth with them, but supposedly that never happened. They were supposed to meet nearby of what looks like a creepy doll hospital (cuz Mona loves dolls), supposedly Alison called the police that same day near the street where the hospital was - not sure what for if this was true as Alison never confirmed it.

4. Alison then goes visits Jenna in the hospital, to show her the video of Jenna and Toby together as blackmail, because she thought Jenna was A. Turns out to be false as A sends her a death threat right after leaving Jenna’s room.

5. That afternoon: Alison then “returns home” from Georgia with bags looking very tan and saying her arms are sore. One bag had a tag on it from Hilton Head, Spencer obviously questions it and Alison asks her “why so many questions?” and reiterates she can’t spill every detail and tells the girls to “wait for it” repeatedly.

6. Alison returns home and finds a gift from her mom with the infamous yellow top and she turns around after changing in her room and sees a threatening message from A on her mirror.

7. That same day, Alison bought a storage locker to hide Ian’s videos before stopping by to see Emily and flirt with her some to then give her a snow globe with the storage locker key inside the bottom of it. Alison then leaves for a “prior engagement” although it was never revealed who she went to see next before coming to Spencer’s barn for the sleep over.

8. Before heading over to the sleepover. Alison returns home again and runs into her mom (on the phone with Radley because Bethany escaped and Charlotte escaped as well to go after her). Her mom wanted to Ali to stay in for obvious reasons even though the excuse that she just didn’t want to her going out. Alison then fights back by saying she planned this ages ago and was told it was ok to do. Then she mentions about Spencer being a bully and that she took care of it (really, Spencer a bully?). Then Ali’s mom remarks to Ali “She knows things about that family Ali doesn’t know” and Ali asked curiously “Really, like what?” Ali’s Mom responds that she’s seen what they are capable of and reminds Ali’s that she can never turn her back on a Hastings. -Which is exactly what Ali did after her and Spencer fought again #12). Alison then pretends to go to her room and sneaks back down to go into her moms purse to grab some sleeping pills while her mom was distracted on the phone again- what does Ali need those for? Oh, we’ll find out soon.

9. That Night: Alison arrives at Spencer's barn and pranks and jumps to the barn doors and scares the girls. Heading inside, she gets a text from Toby to meet her. The girls hang for a bit and gossip about Beyonce’s new song and then Ali throws some shade at Emily for liking it too much (totally not homophobic am i right??). She then spikes the girls drink with her moms medicine to knock them out. Aria drinks first and Spencer jokes to Aria to not drink to much or she’ll tell them all her secrets. The Ali ironically says “Friends shares secrets, that’s what keeps us close. Drink up”.;) We can only assumed Emily, Hanna and Spencer drank afterwards. After the girls fell asleep, she then meets Toby outside of the barn doors so he can thank her for getting Jenna to leave him alone. Toby then gives her his sweater because she was cold.

10. After speaking with Toby, Alison leaves Spencer’s backyard to meet up with Ezra. *cringe*.Toby also saw this as well (Although this was never even mentioned by Toby either -plot hole-).Ezra is clearly mad at Ali since she lied to him about her age and then he ends things with Alison in a not so nice way..

11. *Spencer wakes up and notices Ali was missing, so she waits for her to return.*

Alison then goes to meet Ian at the kissing rock after speaking with Ezra. (flashback moment: (I know you wanna kiss me”). this is where they fake Ian hurting Ali in the video later discovered. Alison then threatens him with his videos to make him leave her alone, Ian then says not tell anyone or else people will get hurt and then ironically “storms” off.

12. Alison returns to the barn to find Spencer awake waiting for her. Also she didn’t have Toby’s sweater anymore. Where did it go? (plot hole - only to be planted in Toby’s room to frame Toby for Alison’s murder at some point.)

They go inside Spencer’s house and have a fight about Spencer telling Melissa about her and Ian again. It gets heated and Spencer tells Alison she is sick of her games and told her, "You are dead to me already. “ Alison leaves and then Spencer runs after her. (Charlotte and Alison’s mom witness the fight and pays Charlotte off not to say anything - which is weird to pay off your own daughter). Spencer wants to continue the confrontation with Alison and Spencer grabs a shovel acting as if she was going to hit Alison with it and Spencer collapses to the ground in the midst of Alison trying to stop Spencer. Alison then discovers Spencer had been taking ADHD meds (not to mention the sleeping pills mixed in her system from Ali already) and Spencer begs Ali not to tell anyone and she agreed and then sends Spencer back to the barn with the shovel in head and Ali then waits for her to fall back asleep. (Melissa also sees the fight and sees Spencer walking away with the shovel)

13. Meanwhile, Ian, Garrett and Jenna all meet up in Alison’s bedroom to look for the videos she stole. Melissa comes in furious looking for Alison in hopes to confront her about Ian and Ali hooking up. Garrett and Jenna leave Melissa and Ian alone to talk it out and go outside in the backyard. Alison comes up to them and then Ali reminds Jenna of the promise she made to her earlier that morning,(”If you ever come back to Rosewood, I’ll bury you”) so Jenna and Ali get into a cat fight, Ali knocks Jenna to the ground and she comes back up with the infamous now burned in Spencer’s fireplace (thanks to Mr. Hastings) field hockey stick in attempt to defend herself. Garrett takes the hockey stick from Jenna and proceeds to attack Ali with it and hits the tree next to Ali, she then falls to the ground next to the tree telling Garrett to hush with her finger. Garrett and Jenna flee the scene, with Jenna thinking Garrett killed or hurt Ali badly.

14. Garrett comes back to check on Ali to see if she’s ok (even though she wasn’t even hurt), but then notices she was talking to someone and proceeds to listen and watch to see who it was. Byron (Aria’s dad) came to speak to her about not exposing his affair to Ella because he didn’t have anymore money to give her to keep her quiet. Alison says "If you don't pay for your mistakes, how do you become a better person?" Byron replies back "You say all these grown-up things, yet you're still a child." Alison smirks and says "You know what I'm capable of." After Garrett makes some noise, Byron starts to leave and Alison threatens him again saying it's his last chance to save himself. Byron turns while he is leaving and replies, "Yes it is," presumably meaning he was going to tell Ella himself (which he obviously doesn’t). Alison then screams to him "You made your bed Mr. Montgomery,"

15. While Byron was leaving, Byron turns back when Alison spoke about his bed (LOL) and sees Melissa coming out from Alison’s back door on the phone with someone and says to them, "What do I have to do, call 911 to get your attention?" This is the part where we never found out who she was talking to, but it was important enough to show it to us.

16. Jason (out of nowhere) came outside to grab a drink of water from the watering hose since he was drunk and high and notices Melissa and presumably Alison talking to each other and calls out Ali’s name and then he sees Charlotte talking with Melissa instead, although this is false and never really confirmed who it actually was. As Alison and Bethany were wearing the same outfit that night, not Charlotte. It wouldn’t make sense for it to be Bethany talking to Melissa since she arrived much later, and Alison never confirmed this information either. So who knows what Jason really saw. So right after seeing them, he passes out on a lawn chair. Sometime after this, Garrett or Jenna, or both, slipped a note to Jason that says "I know what you did", in order to make him believe he hurt Alison, since Jenna thought Garrett had killed her.

17. Alison returns to the barn watching the girls sleep some more and waiting to get another text from A, in order to rule them out. As some time passes, Alison decides to head home thinking she won since A didn’t try to kill her. As she was walking back to her house, she sees her mom obviously angry at her through the window for sneaking out and then all of sudden. BAM!! Charlotte hits Alison over the head with a rock only because she presumed it was Bethany since she was wearing the same outfit. Her mom then proceeds to bury Alison where the gazebo spot would be (pilot episode). She is screaming to Charlotte, "What have you done?! What have you done?!" Alison attempts to tell her mom she is alive, but cannot move or speak due to temporary paralysis. After Ali’s mom buries her, she then calls Detective Wilden and pays him off to give Charlotte an alibi and sends her back to Radley.

17. Not long after, Alison dug her way up reaching out of the ground for help/to get free, and who was there to grab her hand? Mrs. Grunwald of course, as she sensed something was wrong with Alison and had to come see what was going on and found her hand reaching for life. She then takes Ali to the hospital to get help, but then Ali runs away.

18. Meanwhile, Bethany finally shows up at Ali’s backyard, and so does Mona who was finally ready to confront and to kill Ali. But just like Charlotte’s mistake, Mona only saw the back of Bethany and presumed it was Alison and hit her over the head with the same shovel Spencer had earlier. This is when Bethany’s head gets hit so hard that it makes an indentation on her skull and she falls unconscious next to where Ali was previously buried. Mona then flees the scene.

19. Shortly after, Melissa shows up and sees Alison (obviously presuming it was her without checking) and assumed Spencer killed her based on the fight she witnessed they had earlier that night. She then proceeds to bury Bethany who was still alive in order to protect Spencer (”this whole time”)

20. And then we come back to the Pilot opening scene where the girls wake up to find Spencer and Ali missing from the barn. Spencer comes back to them and says that she looked everywhere for her and she thinks she heard her scream - which we know was probably from Bethany.

21. Later on that night, we see Alison walking on a random street after leaving Mrs. Grunwald’s aide. She is dazed and confused, hurt and traumatized by what she just went through. And who to pull up beside her? Mona. (I wonder what Mona’s plan was since she thought she killed her).

So Mona takes Ali to the Lost Woods Resort and checks in under Vivian Darkbloom’s name for Alison. Mona proceeds to clean Ali up and Ali tells Mona what happened and about A who tried to kill her. So smart and cunning Mona persuades Ali to fake her death so A could leave her alone for good.

22. The next day: Mona helps disguise Alison in a Vivian like wig so she can disappear. She then gives Mona tips on how to become popular and then Ali takes a car and leaves showing Mona with a eerier grin as she drives away, thinking she finally won.

23. Which comes back to the last bit of information involving Alison checking in again on 9/6 at the Lost Woods Resort 5 days later as she already checked in the night she went missing and she left the next day. So this had to be Mona checking in as her again or a plot hole in plotting clues in the storyline of Alison’s disappearance that ended up not making sense.

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It’s crazy how many people Ali saw the night/day she went missing and was almost killed. Like this girl clearly attracts trouble and drama and shit she shouldn’t be into at 15 years old.

Well, I hope you had fun reading this tale of terrors with me (if you made it to the end and didn’t go to the link lol) as much as I had fun putting it altogether and reminiscing on how it took the show 4 seasons to tell Alison’s disappearance story.

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yourpsychovengeance · 4 years ago

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What I'm about to tell you is a true story. Please read until the end and share it to others to raise awareness.

⚠️ TW: R*PE, SU*C*DE ⚠️

⚠️ 18+ ⚠️

I was 5...

You're one of the people from church. You're a funny guy, I always enjoy your jokes and stories. One day you said you want to show me something good and I should follow you. I wish I haven't...

"Suck it, it's just a big lollipop."

"Yummy milk will come out, I promise."

"You wanna put it in here?... I'm afraid it won't fit."

"This is a secret for the both of us only, okay?"

The "milk" wasn't yummy at all and I've always wondered what would've happen to my fragile body if he really put it in. Now, it scares me...

You were never contented, you invited your friends one by one. They all did the same thing.

I regretted and wished I at least told my parents, but I didn't. I was a kid and I didn't know what's happening. He said it's just a game and it's normal. "It was done by many." And so I thought.

It goes on until...

I was 7...

You had the audacity to start your own family and moved to another town.

Even so, your friends remained. It got to the point where I became famous to the boys in our neighborhood without me knowing why. Sometimes, they call me "slut." And here I am with no idea what that means and why they call me that. It goes on until I was a teenager.

Every summer break, an uncle visits my grandma and stays for a week or until classes resume (he was a college student then). I play with him during summer break. It was fine until he found me asleep in my grandma's bed. My grandma was out to buy groceries and we are the only people in the house. All I remember is that I woke up with me lying on his stomach whil he's masturbating. I pretended to be asleep until he finished. At this point I don't know what to feel anymore. I felt empty...

Again, I never told my parents becuse I am a shy kid and I don't talk much about how I feel with anyone, even with my parents. The harrassment stopped when we moved to another town when I was 9.

I'm doing fine, I'm living how a child should be. Enjoying my time playing and studying. I was an honor student. Until I accidentally saw my uncle's lewd magazines when I was 11. I suddenly remembered everything done to me when I was younger. I got confused. I don't know what to feel. All I know is that is how I started learning to masturbate at such a young age. I remembered that I don't like doing it but I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I cry while doing it and I don't even know what to do with it. I'm not even feeling pleasure to it.

I live on with that ever confusing state with a young mind.

I was 12...

We now live with our grandma, back to the town we lived when I was young, because both my parents now work overseas. I don't know what happened to the boys who harrassed me when I was young and I don't care as long as they don't bother me anymore. Or so I thought...

My grandma has a brother and he's older than her. He even uses a cane to help him walk. One time he carassed my thigh while we were sitting. I was so shocked I don't know what to say or do. I've been taught that elderlies must be respected and obeyed or I'll get spanked. When he finally stopped, I immediately ran to the bathroom and cried...

I was 13...

This was the most haunting moment I've experienced. It still haunts my mind every now and then.

My grandma hired a maid. Our maid is young, she was only 17. We got close to each other and I treated her like my big sister. Like how sisters are, we both share our lovelife stories. It was fun, it's a typical teenage life, I even had my puppy love for the first time. He treats me well and he's a gentleman. Unfortunately, we broke up because his mom doesn't like me. Up to this day, I still don't know why she hated me.

Moving on... I liked our maid very much that I go with her even when she goes out during her day offs. One time on her day off, she went home because it's her sister's birthday. I was allowed to go with her and have a sleepover. I was happy. But today, I always wish I haven't gone there...

When we got to their house, they ordered alcohol. I'm not gonna lie, I drank too. It was my first time. In this drinking session, I met her family. That's when I met her brother, he's 24 and works as a driver. Their house is small, shabby and only made of woods and palm leaves. So when it's time to sleep, we all shared one room. They also don't have a bed so we just slept on the floor. I was so wasted that night. It was my first time drinking and I am in no good condition. As everyone was peacefully sleeping, her brother crept beside me and slowly pulled me to the corner. I don't feel good and was half-asleep but I saw him already half naked on top of me. I was about to talk but he covered my mouth with something. I don't know what he did to me but I felt really dizzy. I thought I might fall asleep of the dizziness so I banged my head. It was painful but I managed to slightly open my eyes. I'm still dizzy but I see him sucking my chest. I thought I'm making a lot of noise but nobody is waking up, neither can I talk. I am so confused at that moment. Why is nobody waking up? I was weak but I keep on struggling. But as I was struggling, he caught my hands and tied it behind me. He pulled my hair, shut my mouth with a cloth and banged my head on the pillow. From then on, all I felt was pain. He pulled down his pants and my pants, and he aggressively pushed his way in. It was horrible and painful...

I couldn't do anything. All I know is that I'm in pain and I want it to end. But when he finished, he showed me a cloth and said "Wow, look at all this blood."

I cried.

The morning after, I was silent. I feel so empty, my eyes is empty. I can still feel the pain. Our maid told me to pack up 'cause we're going home. As I was packing up, I heard voices from the window. I saw our maid's brother (the one who r*ped me) and the younger one. The younger one is pointing at his older brother saying "Wtf, she was just a child! That was too much, I can' t do this anymore. I'm so done with you!" As I heard that, I quickly returned to packing my bag. I thought to myself "I am so done with this family, I wanna go home." How could they? So someone was awake while I was suffering and he didn't even dare to stop his brother? DID HE JUST WATCH HIS BROTHER R*PE ME???

When we are about to leave, our maid's brother whispered to me, "Don't ever tell anyone about what happened last night or I'll kill your family."

We're finally back home and I don't know what to do. I was so afraid. I was young and gullible. I couldn't say anything to my parents or grandma 'cause I'm scared. But that night, I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to talk to our maid, that' s how much I trust her. But in the end, she scared me 'cause she boldly asked "Was it good? Did you enjoy it?"

I was speechless. They're all f*cking animals.

It weighed on me like a big boulder on both my shoulders. I kept saying it was just a horrible nightmare but the pain still lingers. Sometimes I slice my wrists or take unprescribed pills to end my suffering. But it just added to my pain.

On one of my worst nights, I contacted my puppy love and told him what has been happening. I know we broke up but we still managed to have secret connections that time because we still like each other. But guess what? He was disgusted by me and he never talked to me ever again since that night.

I lost all my confidante.

A few months later, my mom finally went home for a vacation leave. I cried to her. I just pretended I missed her so much that's why I'm so emotional but her maternal instict got to her. She asked me what really is wrong and that's when I broke down and told her everything. I even told her to keep it a secret 'cause I'm afraid they will really be killed by him.

Of course, she refused.

She contacted my father about it. My father was devastated. She then went to our maid and talked to her, I don't know what about or the details, but she was fired.

After they talked, they went to our maid's house. I don't know the details, all I know is that my mom is so angry and she is taking it to legal matters. She will file a case for what he did.

Sadly and regrettably, it didn't happen. The *ssh*le fled somewhere before he was taken by the authorities. Prior to my r*pe case, we didn't know that he was already wanted because of a m*rder case in another town. Up to this day, he is still missing and wanted.

I was 14...

Hisghschool.

When my puppy love never talked to me again, I lost all my confidence and self-love. I don't know how to respect my self anymore. I feel so dirty. I am a dirtbag, that's what I am. Because of that mindset, I ended up flirting around with boys. I've had many exes whom I let my heart be wasted on. I have never been single. If a boyfriend broke up with me, I find another to flirt with me. I lived my teenage life being a flirt, but I never let them touch me and sometimes that's one of the reasons why they broke up with me. I was trashed by others, they look down on me, but I felt nothing. I lost myself.

As I was fooling around, I met a graduating college student. He was one of our practice teacher. Before he became a practice teacher, we already know each other. We used to chat over the phone. We have a lot of similarities when it comes to interests and so we got close. Despite the age gap, I liked him. We hang out every now and then but he always keep me a secret. He never wants anybody to find us out. He wants to stay low from the crowd.

I know you're gonna say that after everything I've been through, I never learned my lesson. Yeah, I know. You can hate me but it's all in the past now and I've been better.

Going back to the story, I know it was a red flag keeping our relationship secret but I never mind it. I kept my mind clouded from thinking that I finally found someone I can get comfortable with. I am still such a gullible kid I wanna punch my past self.

Until he took me to a motel one time. He said we're just gonna hang out there because in that place, no one will see us. It is a huge red flag, I know what people do in a motel, but I went with him anyway. I really like him, you can say I was really blinded by this so-called love.

When we arrived, we just started watching tv. I feel awkward, of course, we're in a f*cking motel. It's the first time I felt nervous when he get closer to me. My intuition was right 'cause he started touching me. I am shivering inside, the nightmares from before is still lingering. But I distracted myself by thinking "This is for the best, this is your chance to fight your fear." (Yeah right,'for the best' my *ss.) but I still can't do it. I told him I can't and we should stop but he never listened. He started kissing me and kept touching me. I stood up and yelled "I said stop!" He became angry and that's the first time I saw him angry. He slapped me and threw me back to bed and told me "I know you want it too you dirty little slut. It's all your fault!" I was shocked. He's never like this before. I knew this was gonna happen. Regret came all over me and I started blaming myself all over again. "Yes, this is all my fault, I should just let it be. I am really just a dirtbag..." That's what I thought at that time. I felt empty all over again.

And since then, I became his s*x slave, I was afraid he'll become violent on me again if I refused. He even go for threesome sometimes. Worst, he lets me watch him have sex with other girls and tell me to masturbate on the corner. It hurts me a lot.

To this point, I began questioning myself why I always end up with these kind of guys but I also end up answering myself with "because you're a slut, a whore, a dirtbag, who wants to be with a girl who's already touched by many guys?"

I tried to commit su*c*de by cutting my wrists just to end my suffering but I ended up still living. I failed so many times that even in dying, I still failed.

I've been his s*x slave for how many years, I can't even remember. It all ended up when I finally stood up for myself and cut all communications with him. It's also an advantage when I moved out because he doesn't know where I live anymore.

He kept messaging me on social media but I always block him. I also changed my phone number. He finally stopped when I was a college student and knew better. I told him I caught STDs and I have proofs of him fooling around with minors. He was scared of STDs and his reputation being ruined. What's a f*cked up guy who always fools around but scared of STDs? Thankfully, he's a stupid f*ck who believed my lie. It's been years and he doesn't bother me anymore.

I told my story not to gain sympathy but to raise awareness and help encourage others who's experiencing the same to keep on fighting.

After everything I've experienced, I learned how to fight for myself in the end. I learned how to respond to these kind of people. I also didn't end up hating all men because I learned that there's still good men out there through my father. Besides, some girls are also capable to r*pe/s*xually assault.

This is what r*pe, s*xual harrassment/assault does to a person. We get scared, we get nightmares, we get confused, we blame ourselves. But remember, we are still capable to fight. You f*ck up the minds of the children you harrased/assaulted. It f*cks up their perspectives as a child. It's hard to fix. As I grow up, it was hard for me to regain my confidence and self-love. It was tiring and I even tried to commit su*c*de.

To all the people who experienced the same ('cause not only girls experience r*pe, don' t you ever forget that!), whether it be you're a girl or a boy or part of the lgbt, keep fighting for your life! Never give up. It was hard but I know we can get through it. I, myself, still have nightmares sometimes but I am now able to respond to it without breaking down. And most importantly, NEVER BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP. If you need help, ask for it. There are still people who are kind-hearted. Therapy helps too! So please, don't keep it all to yourself. If you can't take it anymore, ask for help.

You can also message me if you need to. Spread love and not hate! Have a safe day.

#triggering content #sensitive #true story #long reads

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thelovers-thedreamers-and-me · 5 years ago

Note

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

#Anonymous

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your-high-lady · 5 years ago

Text

Realisation

-that-Summary: This story is about Feyre. She has a couple of small dreams she wants to achieve but turns out it isn’t as easy as she imagined it would. Trust me, the story is better than the summary. Modern AU. Feysand.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Disclaimer: All credit goes to Sarah J Mass. My story wouldn't exist if she hadn't written ACOTAR. I can't thank her enough for writing all she did.

Chapter 16: Sweet Times

The next four months were pure bliss.

It didn't take long for word to reach our friends that Rhys and I were officially together. They were completely fine with it, ecstatic even. And strangely, unsurprised too. And though that, in turn, surprised me, what rendered me even more speechless was how content I felt. It felt like a burden of my shoulders. Everyone knew they accepted, and that meant neither of us had to hold back. We kissed, we talked, we held hands. Rhys and I did everything a couple did, and I just felt so…fortunate. Each time Rhys kissed me or said something sweet to me, I couldn't help but feel silly for wanting to keep this secret. It was out now and I couldn't have been happier.

We spent the last of our summer going to trampoline parks, escape rooms, camping as a group once and having sleepovers with just us, girls. It was incredible. I smiled, laughed, had fun, made memories and being with Rhys and his friends just made it that much better.

Halfway through August, I decided to join the gym. I wanted to build my strength; I wanted to be able to defend myself. All of the Inner Circle worked out a lot so they were able to help me, particularly Cassian, with the routines, weightlifting, and just for the company and motivation to actually get to the gym. It only took a couple of weeks for me to realise how much work exercising regularly required and just how painful it could get, especially with Cassian as your instructor. Those first few weeks, I couldn't walk up and down the stairs without being scared that my legs would buckle under me, sending me flying down the stairs.

—

It was the first week of September. School had been over for about a week now and I was here at the airport waiting for my sisters. They were on school holidays and were going to be staying over at Mor's and my house for a couple of weeks.

Five minutes later, I spotted them coming through the revolving doors, and waved to them shouting, "Nesta! Elain! Here!" They turned, smiling widely and I ran up to them, giving each a huge hug. "Nesta, Elain! I've missed you so much. Oh god. There's so much to show you and tell you about. Are you guys hungry? I bet you've never had Tim Hortons. We'll have some of that before going home. Oh, I'm so excited!" I quickly dragged them to my car feeling strangely tearful but also jumpy and energetic. I guess I'd just missed them more than I'd thought and was really excited to see them after so long.

We did end up going to Time Hortons before driving home. It was three in the afternoon now, and Mor was doing a shift at her job and usually went to the gym afterwards so we had some time before she came home.

I got my sisters settled in and then started making dinner. Though I tried to stop them, they ended up helping. While cooking, we told each other about what we'd been doing in the past months since we'd last seen each other.

It had been January then. Now it was September. Nine months. So much time had passed. So much had happened. So much to tell and still, I talked the least. I didn't tell my sisters anything about Rhys. I didn't hide my friendship with the Inner Circle but I couldn't help but feel a little shy telling them about Rhys and I. Still, I promised myself I would tell them before they left. Just…not now.

They told me about how college was going for them. They told me about friends they made, their favourite teachers, subjects and a whole lot more. Hours passed as we cooked and talked. Around seven, Mor came in, and I introduced my sisters and her to each other before all four of us settled in for dinner. We'd gone all out and made roast pork, stir fry and chocolate mousse for dessert. Mor brought in some wine and by her third drink, she was babbling away. Nesta drank just as much as Mor while Elain and I kept the number of glasses low. After dinner, Mor suggested a movie, so once everyone was ready for bed and I'd done the dishes, we wrapped ourselves in multiple layers of blankets, snuggled in, and spent the rest of the night finishing the movie.

The next few days, we spent going to shopping malls, museums and parks. On Wednesday, the Inner Circle joined us. We were meeting at Mor's workplace at around 9. She would be taking half the day off. My sisters and I strolled in at 8:50 to find the boys and Amren already seated in the back corner. Mor ran up to us and told us to wait with them for ten minutes while she gathered her things. I led Nesta and Elain to the table where my friends were sitting. There I gave each of them a hug, making sure to not make it too obvious with Rhys, and introduced my sisters.

And that's when it got awkward.

I'd just said Amren's name when I noticed Cassian and Nesta blatantly staring at each other. Nesta had a hard, guarded expression while Cassian had one of awe and wonder. And beside them, Elain and Azriel looked like they were striping each other with their eyes. I was stunned. I had not expected that at all. The rest of the day, we spent making our way through different stores in the city, and the two pairs did not make it comfortable for the rest of us. By the time we got back home, I was exhausted of feeling the denial radiating of Nesta at getting close to Cassian in any way, and Elain's shyness off doing anything at all other than ogling each other Azriel.

Cassian would've died a thousand times over if looks could kill. He got one each time he made a vulgar joke or even looked in Nesta's direction. I don't know why she was acting like that. His expression was one of lust and I knew she wasn't someone to make quick friends with anyone, but this amount of animosity was strange even from her. It was the same with Elain. She was shy, but not that shy! Poor Azriel clearly liked her but their quiet nature, which they both had, got in the way of any development that could've happened. The next week was much the same. We didn't see them every day but the days we did see them were the most annoying and exhausting. But it wasn't just them that made it exhausting, though. It was Rhys too. I'd told Rhys about what I was feeling and he had been a little surprised but didn't push me to tell them or anything. The others didn't question it either. But I kept thinking about it. Each time we met, I couldn't kiss him like usual, couldn't give him more than a friendly smile or hug or laugh.

But all those barriers were only there because I hadn't told my sisters about Rhys. It was so simple. All I had to do was speak a few words. And yet I felt like my life depended on those few words. I was scared of their reaction. And that thought triggered another memory. I'd been scared of how Cassian, Azriel, Mor and Amren would react. And then I'd told them, and they'd been happy for me. They'd accepted it. They…they hadn't changed the way they looked at me.

So why would my sisters react any differently? I couldn't think of any reason other than it had been so long since I'd seen them. My friends had seen Rhys and I before we told them. They'd seen how we were around each other. My sisters hadn't.

And yet, I knew that wasn't good enough. The only thing holding me back was myself. I had to change that. And so I told them.

A day before they left, we were alone in the living room. Mor had gone over to Amren's house for a few nights, wanting to give my sisters and I some alone-time at home before they left. I was cleaning around the house, while Elain and Nesta packed their bags. They were flying back home tomorrow. I was folding all the dry clothes that had just been washed on the couch when Elain came and booed me from behind. I flinched and when I got over my shock, started beating Elain up, half-heartedly. We both started laughing, and Elain called for Nesta to come out here. She came smiling, unusual for her, and Elain got me to sit on the couch, my laugh changing into a nervous chuckle. "What's wrong?" I asked as they sat on either side of me.

"Oh don't worry. Nothing serious. We just wanted to tell you what's on our mind. All good things, I promise." Nesta said. I calmed down a little.

After a few moments, Nesta began. "So. The Inner Circle. You seem all seem very close."

I frowned, "I guess so. They've become very good friends of mine." I shrugged as if there was nothing wrong with that.

"But are they all your friends?" Elain said, a slightly smug expression on her face.

I was so confused at the question. "What! What do you mean?"

Nesta went straight for the kill. "Rhys. We've seen the way you look at him. Friends don't look at each other like that." I was stunned. I didn't think they had noticed. But they had. And they weren't…screaming about it. They didn't even seem angry.

But why would they? All that fear, it was all in my head, I knew. I sighed, deciding to just tell them. I told them everything from that first handshake in Business, to Disneyland to the kiss on the last night to the time I'd asked for clarification in the library and everything that followed afterwards. I told them how happy the Inner Circle made me. How happy Rhys made me. I told them, I think I loved him.

By the end of my story, their eyes were teary but they had giant smiles on their faces. Elain jumped and hugged me, "Oh Feyre! I'm so happy for you!"

As Elain unwrapped herself from around me, Nesta thoughtfully said, "You had seemed so quiet and sad in the last month before you left. We still don't know why, but we'll respect your choice to keep that information private. Just know that we're happy for you. We want what's best for you, and after spending so much time with all of the Inner Circle, we know they'll be good for you. Be happy Feyre." I hugged them. Everything was so perfect. I was happy and smiling, letting go of my demons from Auckland. It was perfect.

—

The next day, Mor drove us out to a Paintball centre in Santa Clara. We were a few minutes late so the others were already there. Rhys didn't know off my conversation with Nesta and Elain last night, so he kept his distance. We made teams: Nesta, Elain, Azriel, Cassian and Rhys, Amren, Feyre, Mor. The instructor told us all the rules and safety precautions, and soon we were playing. Three minutes in and Elain got shot. She laughed it off when Azriel showed a suspicious amount of concern. Another 4-5 minutes passed and then I got out. I joined Elain on the viewing deck, Rhys giving me a quick peck on the cheek on my way out. I smiled at his back and when I reached Elain, she gave me a grin telling me she'd seen. I looked away still feeling a little shy, but when I felt a hug from behind, I smiled as well.

Azriel got out next and then Amren, leaving Cassian, Rhys, Mor and Nesta to carry the game on. It got competitive. It was two against two and no one was ready to accept defeat. Us guys on the deck cheered our team members on, warning them when they couldn't see an attacker or making them aware of a possible shot.

Still, no one got shot for at least ten minutes, though several balls were fired. Eventually, Cassian got in a shot at Mor from behind while Nesta distracted her. But the joke was on them. While Cassian was distracted shooting Amren, Rhys was able to get a shot at Nesta. That left Rhys and Cassian alone. Before he could react, Rhys shot Cassian as well, ending the game with our win. My team and I cheered and teased the others as we went to our assigned area in the small cafe. I thought about the teamwork I'd seen between Cassian and Nesta especially after the friction between the two over the past couple weeks. It was interesting. But something about the way they had started looking at each other in the last couple of days told me that things would be changing soon between them. And as for Elain, based on the way Elain was laughing now at something Azriel had said, they'd already gotten over their shyness and had become very close. I smiled to myself. Each of us had found someone. Father would be so happy.

—

In the cafe, we all ordered some snacks and drinks for ourselves and settled in for lunch. Our food had just arrived when I noticed an exchange of nods between Elain and Nesta, and Nesta got up and quietly asked Rhys if she could talk to him in private. I narrowed my eyes at her tone, watching them walk away.

They came back a few minutes later, and Rhys's blank expression told me nothing of what their conversation might have entailed. I made a note to myself to ask him after I dropped my sisters off to the airport.

We finished our snacks and played another game. The other team won. By the time we left the paintball place, we only had enough time to pick up my sisters' bags before we had to head to the airport. I was slightly surprised when Rhys volunteered to drive us but didn't say anything. When it was time to let my sisters go, I gave each of them a tight hug that lasted a good 10-15 seconds each and a kiss on the cheek. It had been great meeting them after so long and I promised to visit them down in Dunedin. It was hard to let them go, and when they were gone, I had to blink tears away. Sometimes I missed them so much. I didn't regret coming to Stanford for college. Too much good had come from it. But despite all that, Auckland was my home. I would forever miss that place and everything that was tied to it.

—

That night, when we were driving home, I asked Rhys what Nesta had said to him at the paintball place. He hesitated before telling me.

Rhys's POV

"So, what did Nesta talk to you about, during lunch?" We were driving home from the airport, now. I had been slightly surprised when Nesta had asked but quickly agreed not wanting to get on the bad side of the hard-willed Archeron sister. I'd been further surprised when she said what she did.

"So. Feyre." Nesta said. I could still see our friends but knew they couldn't hear us.

"Yes?" I asked, playing stupid. Feyre hadn't told her sisters about us yet, and though I disagreed, I didn't push her on it. But something about Nesta's tone told me she knew somehow.

"We talked yesterday. Us, sisters."

I raised my eyebrows. "Did you, now?"

She narrowed her eyebrows. "We know you're together, you and Feyre." I kept my face expressionless. Nesta continued. "The month before she left for Stanford, she'd been unusually quiet and secluded. She didn't take her exams with everyone else in class, and instead after school finished when everyone was already gone. She never once talked about her boyfriend after a date night they had together to celebrate their anniversary. We still don't know what happened, but we know it had something to do with him. We also know that Mor knows what happened, but Elain and I never pressurised Feyre or Mor to tell us. In December she left New Zealand, and now nine months later, we see her in person for the first time. She's happy, you know? Smiling. She has friends among this group of yours and she's talking to them, hanging out with them. You, too. She's pursuing her dreams. My sister and I can see that. She's so different from the way we'd seen her last. This past couple of weeks, we've watched her be friends with you and the rest of the Circle, and we understood what had happened between you two. Feyre confirmed it for us yesterday." She paused. "We know you're together. And I've called you here to tell you—" She moved a step closer to me, a menacing expression appearing on her face—"if you break her heart or hurt her in any way, I will hurt you in the same way, ten times worse." It was then I understood what this conversation was. Nesta was playing the big-brother role of making sure her little sister was safe. I was glad Feyre had someone like that in her life. Even better that it was Nesta Archeron of all people.

I looked straight into Nesta's eyes and said, "I love Feyre. I will never hurt her or let anyone else hurt her. If someone does, they'll face my wrath." A satisfied expression crossed the Archeron sister's face and she nodded.

Blinking, I came back to reality and turned to look at Feyre. I could tell she genuinely had no idea what my conversation with Nesta had been about.

So I told her, excluding the killing part and how I loved her and stuff. I didn't think she was ready for that. After I'd given a summary of my talk with her sister, her shoulders slumped and she went quiet. I didn't question her reaction and when it was time for her to get out of the car, gave her a peck on the lips.

AN: Did you like it? I hope you did. Tell me what your most favourite part was. If you want. See ya next time.

@everything-that-i-love

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birth-fic-lover · 6 years ago

Text

True love’s child comes when you least expect it.

Essie

When I was 14 I was doing my family tree for a school project, that was when I realised that no one in my family had parents who stayed together. That was the moment I knew I wanted to be the first, I decided that I would only have a baby, if it would be with my true love. But how could I tell?

Well it first I tried just not sleeping with anyone, but one night when I was 19 after realizing telling guys I wouldn't put out acturly turned them away. I realized I needed help, so like in a Disney movie I wished on a star. Silly I know but I wasn't religious so it was all I got.

"I wish that I could only get pregnant with my true loves child" I wished.

"Are you sure? True loves child is meant to come went it is least expected" a soft voice high pitched voice explains.

"Yes. Are you my fairy godmother?" I asked amazed.

The women who sat on my bed was stunning and had a huge pregnant belly her, laugh sounded like a tiny bell. "No" she said after a giggle "I always enjoy when people think I'm that".

She then explains she can indeed make it that I can only get pregnant with my true loves child. But that I may regret it if I can't find them and end up childless, but I want it so bad I'm willing to take the risk.

She held my hands and whispered some words to make it so.

I'm now almost 40, I tried for years to find him. The only thing I found was that I am also into girls as well as guys, but women can't knock me up so I don't date them. I even tried IVF but it seems that I shot myself in the foot cause even that doesn't work. I feel like I have cursed myself as I can only get pregnant with a child of my true loves.

Harmony

I was hoping too meet up with some friends tonight, but I don't think they are going to turn up. It's a shame I dressed up and everything, my daughter is at a sleepover so it is one of my few night off and I wanted to make the most of it. I'm about to leave the bar when my handbag knocks over a ladies drink over her lap.

I pick up the glass and start grabbing napkins, "I am so sorry" I applogise.

"It's fine" she says also grabbing napkins, "it was an accident".

"I hope I haven't ruinned your night, is your dress okay?" I ask mopping up the mess.

"I was leaving anyway, it was a silly idea coming here".

I feel terible ruining her night, I end up giving her my jacket and buying her a drink and then another and then I offer to buy her dinner.

I find out that her name is Essie and she was bi, but only dated men so she could one day have a child. But now she's given up and was hoping to meet a women in that bar.

3 hours later we are leaving the restaurant as it's about to close for the night, "I still can't believe you ended up giving birth on stage" Essie exclaims as we walk to the underground station.

But then she tells me about the wish she made when she was 19, "do you think I'm crazy and I've made it up?" She says as we stop outside the station.

I look her in the eyes "no, I believe you. I hope you find true love, and have your child. If I could I'd try and see if I was yours".

She blushes "I was looking for a women tonight, I have given up just looking for a man because they can give me a family. I except that I like women too, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You used a donor and you seem like you're a kick ass mama, I wish I could do the same. But I am into women and you especially".

"Are you sure your not just drunk and tomorow you'll find me hideous" I joke but to my surprise she kisses me, and it's not a drunk sloppy kiss. I go to kiss her again tentatively at first, but quickly turning desperate as I realized just how much we both needed each other. It's crazy we met hours ago but there's just a magnetic pull, now I've had a taste I couldn't give her up.

"You could always come back to mine for a bit?" She suggests trying to sound casual but I can tell her heart is racing as fast as mine.

I leep at the optunity to spend the night with this georgous women, when we get back everything seems too feel so right and natural. She's never been with a women yet she seems to be ready.

The next morning I rolled over for a snuggle and felt that Essie wasn't there. I opened my eyes properly squinting against the daylight, the early morning sun shone through the curtains. Had she woke and ran off, wait no this was her flat. Where was she? I could her her moving around the flat so I got up and looked for her.

Then I herd her voice "ooooooohhh please make it stop". I pushed her bathroom door open and found her kneeling on the tiled floor next to the toilet, hands wrapped around her belly. Had she drank too much last night or got food poisoning? "No Harmony I don't want you too see me like this" she sobbed.

"You can't help being ill" I said leaving the doorway coming closer too her. But then I see under her dressing gown, she has nothing on and her belly has grown. It looks pregnant! I couldn't see proberly from the doorway that her arms and her hunched up body, were covering a orb like belly.

"I don't understand what's happened but it hurts" she says tears runninh down her face.

I want to hold her tight, I am as confused as she is. "Do you think you'll be sick again?" I ask, she shakes her head. "Then lets get you back to bed".

Together slowly we get her back into the bedroom and back into my arms. She is now curled up in fetal position with her arms wrapped around her midsection, and my arms wrapped around her. We both then froze as we felt moment from within her stomach.

“The pain is getting worse" she whispered unfrezing us, I could tell she was scared. We both knew what it looked like but neither of us could explain it. She reached for my hand and squeezed it, I couldn't tell if it was for confort or because of the pain.

“We should call an ambulance” I said making a decision. I had just found her and I didn't want to loose her, I wanted Essie to be part of my daughters life as well as mine. “You need to see a doctor or a specialist or somthing, whatever is going on you need help.”

"How will I explian it? How can I be sure what it is? They will think I'm crazy or I'm one of those fools from "I didn't know I was pregnant".

With her saying the word pregnant I felt we could talk more freely. "We would explian it togther you're not on your own. Lets rule some stuff out then before we call, I don't think you're constipated.”

“Maybe it's like a tumor, but how could it grow so fast? Maybe it's my appendix? Maybe it's oh I don't know how can I even be pregnant let alone this pregnant?”

"Maybe you found your love 9 months ago and part of the wish was you couldn't look pregnant till it's time" I suggested but the idea made me want to sob.

"No I love you" she said turning to face me. "That's it, I love you. Do you love me?"

It takes me a few seconds but I know the answer, "yes, oh my goodness the baby is ours".

"I found you" she exclaims "your my true love, this wasn't a curse it was a gift. Because of my wish I could have your baby."

"You are having my baby" I sit up feeling dizzy, I found my true love! I'm gonna be a mum again, my little girl is going to have a little brother or sister. "I better see if my daughter can stay at her friends for another night". I make the arrangements and explain there's a family emergancy.

"I'm your family" Essie says with a smile before letting out a long moan. "I don't feel like pushing yet, I think we gave time" she says after the contraction.

I placed my hand on her bump and started rubbing it gently in large circular motions. We both feel the feel of a small stir of tiny limbs stretching, seeking contact reaching for freedom from the cramped space that is my lovers womb.

“Should we go to the hospital?” I ask

“What do you want? I want is to do this together" she says sitting up next to me.

“No doctors, I don’t want anyone to know about this yet” part of me won't believe this is real till the baby it here. What if it's an alien or somthing else, I want to protect Essie. "Do you think you can give birth without drugs?"

"If you can do it on stage without drugs so can I, but in private" she says rubbing her belly. "I'm feeling a lot of pressure down there I don't think it will be long".

"Your waters haven't broken yet have they?" I ask trying to remember if the bathroom floor was wet when I found her.

"I don't think soooooohhhh." She closed her eyes trying to breath through it as a contraction rippled through her bump.

"That's it try and breath though it" I said trying to be comforting. I felt so helpless as she was becoming more and more uncomfortable.

I kept timing her contractions as we lined the bed with towels and she laboured in diffrent places around the flat. I googled home birth wanting to make sure her and the baby would be safe.

Each time she contracted she would reach for me and wherever I was I would rush to wrap my arms around her and comfort her and we would breath though it togther "Agh agh aghh" she moaned into my shoulder. "Hee Hee hoo" she then panted.

But this time during her contraction there was a trickle between her legs, she gasped in suprise as we both realised her waters had broke.

"Should I check you?" I asked feeling like her labour had progressed.

"Do you know how to check for dilation?" Essie asked.

"I was checking myself backstage when I gave birth" I said remembering the panic I endured.

"Go ahead" Essie said lying down and widening her legs. Just as I put a couple of fingers in her she tences and I pull them out scared I've hurt her. "Hoooooo contraction." Cece moaned in explanation, lifting her bottom off the bed and scrunching her hands and toes. "AHHH ahhh ohhhhh Ohhhhh Harmony it hurts! It hurts" she almost screams. I want to take the pain away, I have tears in my eyes.

"Please just hold me" Essie begs me lowering her torso once it's over.

I sit behind her and wrap my legs around hers, we grab each other hands and squeeze them tight. Her head rests on my shoulder, I kiss her check. She turns her head and kisses me I the lips, "I'm so glad your here".

We keep panting together and I keep checking her, Essie is doing amazing. When she's ready to push we get off the bed, and she goes into a squat. She holds me tight and I hold her close.

She starts to push taking breaks when we can, "I love you so much" I tell her. We have only know each other a day, but this baby proves Essie is my true love.

"Hooooooo hoooo I know, hooooo hooooo our baby is coming down. Hoooo hoooo I can feel it moving, uuuuuugggggggg heeeeeeeee" Essie reported. "Agh agh agh agh! Is that the head, it's coming out of me."

"It is the head, your about to give birth. You're bulging, but I can see the head" I tell her.

"OHHH Ohhhh!!" Essie moaned. "Harmonyyyyyyy"

"I'm here you amazing women" I said helping her take her dressing gown off. "Blow in and out, in and out" I recommended.

"Hee hee hee hee" Essie tried, and grabbed my hand again.

"Okay give me a big strong push" I told her.

"OHHHHHHH!" Essie moaned as her contraction ended, our baby was bulging slightly more. "I can't do this anymore" she sobbed and got out of the sqwat and closed her legs.

"No no, legs open. I believe in you, breath through the pain. Your legs need to be wider so the baby can fit. Just breath with me" I beg wishing I could take her pain.

"NNNGGGG!" Essie pushed.

"I'm so proud of you" I told her.

Essie's vaginal lips parted as more of the head emerged into the world, I knew how painful childbirth was.

"Our baby's head is coming, I see a tear drop shape" I told her sitting now between Essie's legs.

"UGGGGGGHHHH!" She groaned and moaned as she pushed.

"You're doing amazing beautiful mama, remember how long you've wanted this" I remind her.

"AGHHH AGHHH! I KNOW BUT IT HURTS IT HURTS SO MUCH" she screams bearing down.

"Deep breath in and push as hard as you can" and she does a huge push. "That's it you've crowned fully" I can she how much she is streched with the entire top of the head between her legs. "I love you my beautiful women, you are so strong".

"I want to get in the bath" Essie begged between contractions. I knew it was too late and the bath wouldn't fill in time but I would try, I ran too her bathroom and turned on both taps fully. It took a while with a few stops to push but we got to the bathroom floor, I don't know how she moved this far into labour.

She gripped the side of the bath and went back into a sqwat, the head was juting out of her.

"Keep pushing" I told her as I rubbed her back, "the head is halfway out" I promised.

"AGHH AGHH AGHHNNNNNNNGGGG NNNGGGGGG" I could see she was pushing with everything she had.

"Keep going! You're doing amazing you have to keep going!" I said holding the head ready for when the baby was born.

"AARRRRRRGGGGGGG HOOOOOOOOOO PPPPLEASE PLEASE GET IT OUT" Essie pleaded.

"It's coming baby" I say trying to reasure her "It's sliding out slowly, do what you need to do".

"AGHHHHH" Essie pushed and screamed as the head popped out after another contraction.

"The heads out" I tell her "just push out the shoulders just a couple more pushes".

"NAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGG" she moaned and the babys shoulders both came out at once. The baby fell into my hands, I helped Essie sit down so she could hold the baby.

We sat in silence for a second listening to the baby's cry before I kissed Essie. She rocked the baby and offer him her breast, "thank you" she said softly.

I worried for a second that now she had her child would she still want me, I did already have a kid. Would that be too much baggage?

"I have a slight concern, will this happen everytime we are intimate? Because I don't think I will be able to spend the rest of my life not able to touch you like that.

I know then that I may have many childen born of true love, but I don't mind at all.

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astarlightmonbebe · 6 years ago

Text

80 Questions Tag

Tagged by Ayesh- @fantasymirror -thank you so much, looks like it’s a long one :)

What was your…

1. Last drink?

Milk

2. Last phone call?

My mom lol

3. Last text?

“You still haven’t taken your clothes lol”

--->My friend left a couple of her pairs of shorts over here and hasn’t taken them back for almost two weeks.

4. Last song

One More Light by Linkin Park

5. Last time you cried?

I think I got a little teary eyed when watching something a couple of days ago,,,now I can’t remember what it was-most likely writing or a kdrama-but it was midnight so... ^^

Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice?

I’ve never dated anyone

7. Been cheated on?

Nope, for the previous reason

8. Kissed anyone and regretted it?

My cat. His breath was realllly bad.

9. Lost someone special?

I guess I kind of had,,,

10. Been depressed?

I’ve been sad, but not depressed.

11. Been drunk and threw up?

The most alcohol I’ve ever had is the teaspoon amount for communion.

List your three favorite colors

12. Blue 13. Dust/Rose Pink 14. Silver and Black

In the last year have you…

15. Made a new friend?

Yes!

16. Fallen out out of love?

Nope :)

17. Laughed so hard that you cried?

No, but I’ve laughed so hard that I basically choked and then another time I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, so are those equivalents?

18.Met someone who changed you?

Yeah, I think so.

19. Found out who your true friends are?

Mmmm, a little bit, most of that was a while ago though.

20. Found out someone was talking about you?

No, not in that aspect haha.

21. Kissed anyone on your FB list?

22. How many people do you know on your FB list?

I assume FB is Facebook, which I don’t have.

Randoms

23. Do you have any pets?

I have three cats!!! I love and adore them :)

24. Do you want to change your name

I like my name, except for the fact that I know a couple other people in my grade with the same name, so that can be inconvenient.

25. What did you do for your last birthday party?

Sleepover where we stayed up for Exo and then fell asleep at five a.m. This might be why we found Kokobop completely hilarious.

26. What time did you wake up this morning?

I woke up at like seven, but then I slept until 9:30. I didn’t get out of bed until 10, though.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was watching episode four of Uncontrollably Fond.

28. Something you can’t wait for?

GOT7 in less than ten days!!!! Also my birthday.

29. Last time you saw your mother?

Around ten minutes ago.

30. One thing you wish you could change about your life?

Realistically, I have nothing I would really want to change. I can’t imagine a reality I would really want other than the one I’m in.

31. What are you listening to right now?

Universe by Exo, it’s on my Youtube mix.

32. Have you ever talked to a Tom?

I knew a Tommy, but not a Tom.

33. What’s getting on your nerves right now?

There’s nothing I can think of at the moment.

34. Most viewed webpage?

Does Google Docs count? Besides that, either Youtube or Ao3.

35. Nickname?

My two close friends call me E at times, but otherwise I don’t have one.

36. Relationship status?

Single pringle without plans to mingle.

37. Zodiac sign?

Cancer

38. College?

I don’t know, I’m not there yet.

39. Hair color?

Auburn

40. Long or short?

Long, to my waist. I’ve never had it short, but it I ever got it cut, I think it would probably be shoulder length.

41. Height?

5′6

42. Do you have a crush on someone?

Not at the moment.

43. What do you like about yourself?

My hair haha.

44. Tattoos?

Nope

45. Right or left handed?

Leftie ^ ^

46. First piercing?

My ears, when I was eight. It was my birthday present.

47. First best friend?

My sister, though we fought a lot when we were young, now we’re the best of friends.

48. First sport you joined?

I’ve never joined a sport. Well, I guess I did ballet for two months when I was like six.

49. First vacation?

Williamsburg, my parents have pictures.

50. Eating?

I just ate.

51. Drinking?

Not at the moment.

52. About to?

Well, after this I’m going to work on my drafts and write.

53. Listening to?

...we just did this...anyways, now it’s Polaris by Nu’est W.

Your Future…

54. Want kids?

Yeah, two or three most likely.

55. Get married?

Yes, but not for a long while.

56. Career?

I want to be a writer. If not a straight up novelist, at least something like journalism or whatever else there is, with noveling on the side. (I’m making that a word)

Which Is Better (in a significant other)?

57. Lips or eyes?

Eyes

58.Hugs or kisses?

Hugs, I think

59. Shorter or taller?

A little bit taller, or the same height.

60. Older or younger?

I would prefer someone of the same age, and if they are younger than me, then I want them born in the same year. For older I would do only two or three years.

61. Romantic or spontaneous?

I don’t know?

62. Nice stomach or arms?

Stomach

63. Loud or sensitive?

Sensitive, I can’t have someone who is constantly loud.

64. Hook-up or relationship?

Relationship definitely, I’m not looking for one night stands or whatever.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant?

Can there be a balance?

Have You Ever…

66. Kissed a stranger?

Never

67. Drank hard liquor?

Nope

68. Lost glasses/contacts?

I don’t have any.

69. Had sex on the first date?

Never been on a date!

70. Broken someone’s heart?

Not that I’m aware of.

71. Been arrested?

Nope!

72. Turned someone down?

There’s never been anyone to turn down.

73. Cried when someone died?

Meh, I guess.

74. Fallen for a friend?

Uhhhh,,,kind of but it was like in sixth grade so I don’t really count in.

Do You Believe In…

75. Yourself?

Some of the time

76. Miracles?

If I ever see one ^ ^

77. Heaven?

Yeah

78. Santa Claus?

No, or at least not anymore.

79. Kisses on the first date?

That’s really a scenario question, but I don’t think I would do it unless the person is really something special.

I guess 80 is tags so~~~~~ @thepowerofanimu @str4y-k1ds @tolwenjun

#tag #my tag #tagged #80 qs #ayesh #rip me #and my poor life #these tags always make me realize it

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phanarchy-blog · 7 years ago

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✦✧85 question meme✦✧

tagged by: @roiceromo @hey-laura and @phancryptid (sorry it took me so long) ❤

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (oh no)

— what was your last…

1. drink: generic cola 2. phone call: clients at work. 3. text message: telling a friend I can stay at her house this weekend 4. song you listened to: When by dodie 5. time you cried: Saturday

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nearly 3 times, when will I learn 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yeah, but not that big a deal 8. been cheated on: yes 9. lost someone special: enough to know that I can cut ties with anyone and feel pretty okat 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

— fave colours

At the moment: 12. teal 13. purple 14. silver

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: not really! 16. fallen out of love: haha, I wish 17. laughed until you cried: definitely! 18. found out someone was talking about you: not this year !19. met someone who changed you: again, not this year! 20. found out who your friends are: meh, I kind of already knew 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: I haven’t kissed anyone this year lmao.

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: who honestly keeps track of that lol 23. do you have any pets: yes, my kitty Remus :24. do you want to change your name: If I could have chosen my own given name I wouldn’t pick the one I have, but I don’t want to change it now 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I worked all day and cried at night. 26. what time did you wake up today: 6:30 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping~ 28. what is something you can’t wait for: Going to Harry Potter world in to weeks! 30. what are you listening to right now: tv in the other room 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: sort of dated one but that’s a long story

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: a client asked me to call them after I was out of work for business, like hell no

33. most visited website: tumblr 34. hair colour: brunette 35. long or short hair: long

36. do you have a crush on someone: I’m in love but I’m real salty about it.

37. what do you like about yourself: lots of things- I’m caring, and I have fun, and I’m a good friend, and I’m passionate 38. want any piercings: nope 39. blood type: I don’t know it@ 40. nicknames: On Tumblr some people call me Ash and in real life people call me Cunk, which is regretful 41. relationship status: review number 36 lol 42. sign: virgo 43. pronouns: she/her 44. fave tv show: that 70s show 45. tattoos: when i get around to it 46. right or left handed: right 47. ever had surgery: yes, to get my wisdom teeth out 48. piercings: nope. 49. sport: eww 50. Vacation: going to Florida SO SOON 51. trainers: worn out pumas

— more general

52. eating: just ate half a pizza help 53. drinking: pepsi today 54. i’m about to watch: youtube. 55. waiting for: i keep waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change 56. want: to chill tf out tonight 57. get married: eventually someone will want to marry me lol this is a touchy subject for me 58. career: mental health counselor!

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: embraces 60. lips or eyes: eyes 61. shorter or taller: taller than me which is still probably shorter than most 62. older or younger: older is possible 63. nice arms or stomach: I really don’t notice a preference 64. hookup or relationships: relationships 65. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: yeah, sleepovers are fun at 14 67. drank hard liquor: yep 68. turned someone down: yes 69. sex on first date: no 70. broken someone’s heart: yes 71. had your heart broken: yeah 72. been arrested: no 73. cried when someone died: yes 74. fallen for a friend: yes

— do you believe in

75. yourself: always 76. miracles: no 77. love at first sight: no 78. santa claus: really? 79. angels: no

— misc

80. eye colour: blue 81. best friend’s name: Leah and Sarah, don’t make me choose 82. favourite movie: (500) Days of Summer ❤ ❤ 83. favourite actor: I don’t have an absolute favorite but I love James McAvoy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe

84. favourite cartoon: Danny Phantom is the first that comes to mind but it has been so long 85. favourite teacher’s name: Davenport

Tagging: Basically everyone in the writing GC I love you all and I want to know your answers but there are many of you and I am lazy

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thememoirsofasurvivor-blog · 7 years ago

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Trigger warning - Rape

Rape. A word that hold so much pain for so many people.

The first time I got raped, I was only 3 years old. I didn't know that word until I was 12. All I knew is when my uncle said "shut the f*CK up" I needed to be quiet. When he said don't tell anyone or I'll kill you, he sounded sincere.

That happened regularly until he went to jail for almost killing his 6 month old son. I still didn't tell anyone.

The next time it happened it was my best friends father during a sleepover. She sat in the next room, and when I returned, scared, uncomfortable, and in pain, she simply smiled at me and offered me some chocolate. I still didn't tell anyone, as I assumed he would kill me, as my uncle always said would happen if I told. I was only 10.

It happened again at my first teenage party. I was wearing tracksuit pants and an oversized hoodie, sober, no drugs, and stood awkwardly in a corner before drinking my coke and waking up with two teenage boys on top of me. I screamed and cried and tried to get away. They weren't adult men so I feared the consequences less and tried to tell the only adult at the party, yet she laughed at me, saying "With that face you should consider yourself lucky to get any action".

So I shut my mouth and went home.

I was 14.

My first boyfriend called me fridgid, and prude for months until I gave in and said he could have 10 minutes. He placed a hand around my throat, choked me until I passed out, and woke up bleeding and covered in cum. There was 5 other people in the room, a girl, naked, with a black eye and blood tangled up in her blonde hair. The other 4 were men, and I didn't know where my boyfriend was. The girl wouldn't wake up, so I left the room quietly and ran. I found someone and tried to get them to call the police but nobody took me seriously. So I found my way home, and spent hours trying to scrub myself clean.

I saw my boyfriend three days later. He was furious. He started yelling about not getting paid enough. Then it hit me. He sold me to those men.

I was 15.

At 18 after a list of abusive boyfriends (13 of them) I walked home from class, same as I'd done for the past 8 months when I came past a liquor store. I bought whiskey. I drank it straight. Only 2 streets away from my house I came across an asshole. Drunk as a skunk. I started running, but he got me. He slammed me to the footpath, my head slamming into the concrete. I froze. I knew what he was going to do and I just let it happen. I was too scared. It wasn't until he pulled a knife on me that I actually panicked and tried to struggle. The more I struggled the angrier he got. He pulled out and just when I thought it was over he shoved the knife inside me... Down there. Then he pulled the knife out and left.

I tried to make a report a month later, but due to the alcohol and the trauma, I couldn't remember enough details. The case went cold.

I finally found myself a good boyfriend. 5 weeks went by and not a single rape attempt, beating, or name calling happened. Then week 6 rolled around and he started slapping me every time I spoke, smiled or made any noise. So I started self harming. Then one day he asked me to meet him at the pub. By that time I was an alcoholic so I jumped at the chance for drinks. But he dumped me. Apparently he wanted to do it in a place where I could get drunk so he didn't have to deal with crying. At that pub I met some kids. Their aunt offered me a cigarette because I was crying so I accepted and explained what happened. She invited me over for dinner and I accepted since I only wanted company so I wouldn't hurt myself. At her house she gave me an open beer. NEVER ACCEPT DRINKS FROM STRANGERS. I blacked out. I woke up with her brother on top of me, no clothes, no her, nothing familiar around.

I managed to struggle free and slam my knee into his balls and as I was running out of the house I found my clothes in a pile by the seat I had been on when given the beer. I grabbed my clothes and ran. Luckily my phone was in my jeans and had just enough battery life to send a text.

"Mum. Help. Raped. Emergency. Help." And the street name. Mum showed up soon after and took me to the hospital. For the first time they were able to get DNA, I went straight to the police the next morning.

It's been a year and a half since that night, and he hasn't made a plea yet. During that time I found another boyfriend. He understands what I've been through, helps me through my flashbacks and panic attacks, and when I scream out in my sleep, he is by my side, waking me and holds me until I'm calm. He has never struck me, never forced me, never made me do anything I don't want to do and is there at the end of every long day to make me feel safe and loved.

All my rapists are still free. Even though one is going to court in 3 weeks, I still feel scared. I see them all, every night. I hear their voices, I feel the pain physically.

There is love, but it's hidden at the end of a very dark path.

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hollywoodx4 · 7 years ago

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Sticking with the Schuylers (50)

It’s been too long, thank you for your patience! There’s a lot going on in these next few parts, so I’ve been hunkered down with research and re-writing (and what’s now just about 10 pages of notes and little bits of story that need a home). But this is the 50th part. shit. I know I say it a lot, but it’s genuinely amazing to me that you are still reading this-I know it’s long, but it’s my baby and I’m so glad there are people out there that love my baby too.

Anyway, sorry about that. Here’s PART 50!! YAY!! CELEBRATE!!

1 ��2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1112 I 13 14 15 16 17 18A 18B 18C I19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 I 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 3738 39 40 41 42 I 43 44 B 45 46 47 48 49

Tagging: @linsnavi @workworkbae @adothoe @oosnavi

Warnings: This story is pretty heavy on mentions of both physical and emotional abuse

Her red rubber boots are heavy as they carry her through the snow; it’s another frigid day in February, falling into those last few chugging weeks that lead miserably into the promise of spring. There is a slight swell of snow which the wind picks up and tosses around in the air, patterns rising and falling and whipping themselves onto the exposed skin of her face. Eliza takes the biting winds and bitter flakes of snow with not so much as a blinking eye; there is no difference between this outdoor battle and the syncopated thrumming of her heart.

She’d only felt this particular brand of terror once before, when she was much younger. The memory plays in her mind like a scratched up record not quite able to be destroyed. Her mother did not take a single moment of misbehavior from her daughters, not even when they were still wearing matching outfits and sitting on Santa’s lap at the Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Phillip was a bit more lenient, but only with the innocence of one of his daughter’s sparkling eyes or tiny hands in his. They got away with very little as children, but it never bothered the sisters much. They were good girls, polite and charming in public and loud and raucous at home. Peggy caused the brunt of the trouble, with her child-hearted mischief and wild temperament. Angelica’s brand of trouble followed words that grew a bit too feisty, arguments that were biting especially when she hit puberty. Eliza, the ‘sweet, quiet one,’ was known to never raise her voice. She was an adaptive child, one who’d always take the flavor of lollipop neither of her sisters wanted, or to sit squeezed tight between them in the town car. She’d only once known the sinking, harrowing physicality of getting into trouble, and the experience still makes her heart pulse irregularly.

She’d been eight years old at the time, old enough to know the rules but just young enough for her naïve, impressionable air to take a stronger hold. If she closes her eyes on this campus, ignores the smog of her breath mixing into the air, or the bitter cold making its way through her red rubber boots and woolen socks, she can feel herself shrink down to the age of headband bows and tulle church dresses. Eight years old was young, infantile compared to Angelica’s graceful eleven. Even the word of her age seemed juvenile; everything did in this time, where her older sister was already getting excited about middle school and leaving Eliza back at the little private elementary school they’d been walking to together for three and a half years. She was excited, Angelica, early on. And in the case of this particular memory, Angelica was excited for middle school in February-the day she turned eleven.

She’d been wearing a new dress; they all were, the sisters, but Angelica’s was the prettiest. Hers was a matte black, straight at the hips. Her tights were patterned and sheer, and on the edge of her shoes was a heel-a heel. Eliza feels her own flat boots bring her closer to choking nerves as she remembers those shoes, shiny and sleek and tucked away in her mother’s bag until they got to the restaurant. It didn’t seem fair; her flat, bow-topped Mary Janes didn’t shine the way Angelica’s new boots did. They didn’t make her tall, or elegant, or old. They just made her feel young-and even worse, without the attention of her parents.

As tradition would have it, Angelica was tasked with choosing the place they would eat dinner, a special night out to honor her birthday. They ended up at an Italian place they’d only been a few times, before the rare and exciting nights they’d be taken to a show or a fancy exhibit, out past their bedtimes and allowed an extra sweet treat to share. Angelica chose a booth by the window, and the seat closest to the foot traffic outside. She ordered a Shirley Temple and crossed her legs underneath the table as she drank it, dainty and graceful, straight from a glass. Eliza sipped reluctantly on her milk, shifted her once crossed legs so she might sit like her older sister. The table was too high, just by the fraction of an inch that made it annoying for her to keep an elbow over-bent as she tucked into her pasta. She couldn’t sit like Angelica. She couldn’t wear high heels, or drink a Shirley Temple, and she certainly couldn’t handle herself the way her older sister did.

Eliza never got in any real sort of trouble as a child-except two nights after this birthday that had left her feeling more upset than celebratory.

She hadn’t been thinking-there was the first clue to her naivety. From the moment they’d gotten home from the restaurant, and Angelica had opened her presents and said her thanks…from the moment Eliza crawled into her older sister’s bed after they’d all been tucked in separately, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about those shiny black heeled shoes. And when Angelica had sighed, turned her head to come nose to nose with Eliza and stroked her moon-like cheeks, Eliza’s eight year old heart sunk.

“I’m going to miss you when I’m in middle school, Betsy,” She’d said. “If you were old enough, we could go together.”

The black heels had looked so nice on her; she’d twirled around in the mirror all morning, coveting the prizes as she paired them with her own flared out party dress. There in the mirror, Eliza puffed out her chest and fashioned her hair into the best rendition of a French braid her poorly trained hands could manage. And then, she’d tucked the shoes into her backpack and left for a friend’s house. She remembered the prim, popular little redhead. She remembered the way she’d stared longingly at the high heels Eliza had brought; all the girls in their party dresses had envied her, thought her old and mature to be clicking around the house during the movie star themed sleepover. She’d thought highly of herself, too, glancing in each mirrored surface at the level of those shining shoes, refusing to take them off.

There was pizza at the party, with sauce that rolled from crust and onto the shiny shoes. She’d wiped them with a cloth and said nothing, continued on with the night. There was dancing, and a fashion show, and by the time the party was over the next morning Eliza had forgotten about the heels on her feet completely. Then, her mother had come.

In the present day, as her woolen socks finally succumb to the cold, Eliza shudders at the memory of Catherine Schuyler’s contorted expression of horror as she looked down at her middle daughter’s feet. The shiny, coveted shoes had been ruined, scuffed and stained and played in. She’d shaken her head, made her change into her old winter boots in front of each girl at the sleepover and carry the heels between shaking fingers. Her wide eyes were brimming with unshed tears of embarrassment, her mother’s eyes on her until she got to Angelica’s bedroom door.

“You need to own up to what you’ve done.” Catherine scolds her with a lower voice and crossed arms, knocking on Angelica’s door for her. She shrinks within herself, ducks into her shoulders with a reddened, weeping expression.

“You need to own up to what you’ve done.” It’s the same thing James says to her years past those childhood months she worked toward buying Angelica a new pair of shoes. At eight years old the words had felt just as life-shattering as at eighteen. This time, however, there is no pair of shiny shoes. Eliza stands in front of James with her eyes narrowed in confusion. She shakes. She doesn’t understand.

“You know I have a problem, and yet you continue to drink like it’s nothing. You’re eighteen, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t even be having alcohol in the first place.”

“It was at Angelica’s, I stayed over. I,”

“Don’t give me that,” He is a picture of beauty, her James. With his tanned skin and freckles, bright eyes and pearly teeth, a freeze-frame of the moment would capture nothing but each of his remarkable features. Even when he is upset, he is still a pretty picture of the beautiful thing they had built so many months ago. She is sorry. She’s sorry when his tone grows from Catherine’s low leveled voice to his own booming argument; when he rises from the couch to approach her. Her body jerks in shock, an unsolicited movement she attempts to cover with a stretch.

“You’re getting to be crazy. You know that, right? You walk around here like you’re waiting for something bad to happen, and you sit around treating me like the bad guy. I don’t know what else I could do for you to get you to stop being such a victim every time I say something you don’t like.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You know, considering the fact that the whole drinking thing is hereditary, and something you know about, a good girlfriend would probably be a little more considerate than this.”

“Are you drinking right now?”

“Maybe I should be!” He clenches his fists, opens and shuts them and walks around the living room with the first signs of a narrow-lipped scowl cracking his beautiful features. “Now that you’ve gone out and done it, why shouldn’t I? You’re tempting me again. If I fall down this hole, think about that. All you ever do is tease me, Eliza. And then you walk around like I’m the one causing all of your problems.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s not?” Eliza’s gutsy, randomly sparked confidence drives her rebuttal through shaking nerves she hides well. Even as he hears her, takes his own straightened posture and incredulous air of defense, she sucks in her breath. This time will be different. Angelica’s voice rings through her head-you need to start saying no to him. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, or what he’s saying that’s getting you so upset, but you don’t deserve this.

“It’s not.” Her voice takes half a step up, tripping over itself before she regains her composure. “It’s not true. I’m not trying to disrespect you, that’s why I spent the night at Angelica’s.”

“You know it makes me upset when you do that-I don’t know where you are, or if you’re safe.”

“If I text you while I’m there and you know that I’m there, I don’t see where the problem is, James. I’m not a child. Spending the night with my sister shouldn’t be such an issue to you.”

“So sue me for worrying!” James throws his hands up in the air, running over his buzzed hair and settling by his side. He is the release of rolling, boiling anger into a thick cloud of steam as he pulls back from himself, giving his head a slight shake. Through her peripheral vision Eliza counts the tense and release of her boyfriend’s hands as he curls them, in and out. He seems to be settling, taking a moment to collect and reconfigure himself after the raise of his voice and her recoil.

In all of the time she has spent with him, Eliza knows that this is nothing more than a false pretense she has fallen for one too many times. In these moments, when she has frustrated James to the point of his shouting, she can count on this burning, seething steam settling through the room, enveloping her in its choking hold. His movements turn into concentrated, slight motions; the miniscule tilt of his head, the way he looks at her through eyes narrowed just enough to portray that she has done something wrong again. His posture straightens, yet he seems to be bent toward her, looming. His grassy eyes, rare and beautiful against his olive-toned skin, point down at her. She is below him; in size, in physicality...in this argument, where she feels she has done nothing wrong, Eliza has suddenly committed a series of horrible acts against James. The guilt is incredible, her heart squeezing and thrumming against her chest in protest of herself.

Eliza recognizes these things as James takes another breath, poised to speak. Angelica’s voice is a broken record begging to be listened to. That same spontaneous spark of confidence shoots back through her gut, and Eliza raises her finger in rapid motion.

“Stop! Just-stop speaking to me like I went and murdered someone, or did a line of coke, or robbed a bank. I went to see my sister, which I don’t need your permission to do. And whether I drank or not I still came home sober. I still haven’t talked about it, or offered you one, so don’t act like I’m trying to get you back down that hole because we both know that I’ve always been the first person here for you when you have. So stop, James. I can’t argue like this anymore!”

The sting that spreads through her cheek is familiar-it spreads like electricity, hostile and hot as tears fill the brim of her eyes. She says nothing as he stares back at her, his lip pinched into a stiff gathering of muscles at the center of his face. It’s the same tight balloon tied expression he wears when she gives him a Warhead from her purse. In that instance, when his eyes are wide and wondrous and his body relaxed into the couch, her body convulses with laughter that has her doubled over. When his eyes are narrowed, when his hand lowers from her face with conviction, his sour face shakes her with fear.

She does not move from her place in the kitchen when he leaves her line of vision. The mass of emotions pulse through her body like fireworks, popping and hissing and keeping her stiff and rigid. She is consumed with a fear of their escape; it keeps her rooted to the hardwood, concentrating on the way the air moves around her and waiting for the next inevitable blow. She has never spoken back to James.

“Look what you’ve done now!” James hisses. His body is pressed against their front door, and his eye trained on the peephole when he groans. The movement of limbs when he comes back to her is elongated, rapid. He crosses the space between them before she can even register what is happening. All Eliza can decipher is from the hushed and tensed tone of his voice, his sour lemon face coming back so that he may stare at her with eyes that throw an intense, incredulous stare her way.

“You’re so far down this victimizing little hole you’ve built yourself that the police are here! How do you feel about that? Do you feel good about yourself now? Because this is just going to look fucking great to our landlord.”

“James,”

The persistent knocking interrupts her speech-thankfully, because the sense of vocal direction is lost on Eliza, who stays rooted in her place in the hallway. Her bare feet dig into plush carpeting and she pushes her toes back and forth on them. A flood of unfamiliar noises enters the space; the jangling of keys, static feedback of a radio, and the new, bass-toned voice that accompanies James’s smooth words of apology. It’s a song, almost, the quiet gathering of sounds that push themselves together in one complete rhythm. And in her mind, Eliza can just hear the melody of it all; This is my chance, I can have this chance. James is wrong, I’m not making anything up. Say something.

“Miss, I’m going to have to ask you some questions.”

The man before her makes her breathing hitch in her throat, stops and starts her heart as her eyes catch the shine of the badge he wears. She’s not sure how her contorted face might read, but in one invisible motion of air to her lungs she attempts to collect herself the best that she can. Eliza nods.

“We received a call from a neighbor about the level of noise coming from this apartment.” She’s not sure what he says next; her mind thrums in and out of focus, unable to catch specifics other than its masculine tone. Her body still aches, longs to release what she has bottled for her own safety. She nods and shakes her head to questions she can’t completely decipher, her eyes trained on the shadow of James’s body from where he waits in the kitchen, just around the corner. She swallows the air, thick and dizzying, and holds herself high.

“Can you explain what happened leading up to this? There was some shouting,”

“-We got into an argument, that’s it. I was shouting back at him, I-I was completely in the wrong, and it won’t happen again. I don’t usually shout, I’m so sorry.”

The man shifts on his feet, writes his transcription of her words in a little notebook he holds in the palm of one hand. He is composed, gentle yet carrying an air of authority that surrounds her in an immediate sense of safety. The dissolution of this is inevitable. When he goes, she will be alone. The vision of it breaks her bubble of security immediately. And when she lets her eyes wander somewhere other than the officer’s gold badge, she catches the long black deflection of light that throws itself onto the tile. He’s leaning against the wall, he’s listening.

Maybe it is my fault that this man is here, I was the one who lost my temper. I don’t want to be kicked out of this apartment, we just got here. What would everyone say, that I can’t handle being an adult? That we can’t just work things out for ourselves? I should be old enough by now to sort things out, and he’s never meant to do what he’s done. People lose their tempers. And the alcohol…he’s struggling, and I ignored that. It’s my fault.

“Miss, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. It really isn’t a big deal, I’m the one who started it all in the first place. I’m going to apologize to the neighbors, get everything squared away…”

The officer looks at her, and for just a second, when she lets her eyes meet his, she feels herself falter. His eyes are warm, concerned. They wrap her in a sense of security that has her stuttering, flickering between what’s in her heart and what her mind is being told. The words nearly come out, questions of help and guidance, but they’re blocked by shadows and a figure that covers both figuratively and literally. She is blocked.

“We’re fine.”

The officer nods, reaches out to shake her hand. And in that hand she feels the press of a hard corner of cardstock, something she clutches and tucks into the pocket of her dress. And as he leaves, he carries a piece of that opportunity with him. She could have done it; could have saved herself then. But she’d been fine-she’d convinced herself of that fact a long time ago.

She lets herself into the big, foreboding building and shakes the snow off of her boots, kicking at the carpet until she’s sure each melted-on bit has landed there. There is a receptionist, a younger woman who stares at Eliza until she looks up from her task, clearing her throat in a way that echoes through the high-ceilinged foyer. Eliza’s face grows hot with embarrassment as she moves to the counter, her eyes shifting warily around the unfamiliar territory as she’s looked over.

“Elizabeth Schuyler, I’m here for a meeting?”

“With the dean, right? I’m glad you finally called back.”

“Let’s just say he missed me the first four times.” The receptionist chuckles, and Eliza lets out a breath that had been subconsciously stuck in her throat. The response to an unplanned joke is welcomed, brings her mind to a place of distraction. “He couldn’t get a hold of me when he emailed, so it took a while to even set this up.”

“Well whatever you’re in for, don’t sweat it-he’s a nice guy behind all of that pomp and circumstance, he really makes himself seem scarier than he is. Trust me, I work for him.”

“Thanks.”

“And anyway, you’re a legacy. I’m sure whatever he has to say to you will be slapped between memories of ‘the good old days.’”

The sentiment does not leave Eliza when she’s called into the office, red boots squeaking along the floor as she holds her coat, slung over one arm, with both of her hands. The old, ornate building seems to capture each sound, replay it over and over as a march to the unknown that catches her thrumming heart and makes it work twice as hard. There’s an electronic sweeping, a break in the anxious noises that raises alarm as she scrambles to silence her phone.

Alex: Whatever it is, good luck at your meeting. I’ll be waiting for you at home. Love you. You can do it!

The sentiment alone is enough to raise her posture, and by the time the trek to the dean’s office has ended Eliza enters the room with a smile, a picturesque vision of confidence and poise as she shakes the aging man’s hand and introduces herself.

“Oh, I need no introduction. Even if your father and I hadn’t gone way back, I’d still know your face from all of those magazines.” She laughs-something forced with a well-played air of humor, as if she has never heard the joke before. The man continues on his path, recounting stories of ‘Phil Schuyler’ as if they had been best friends back in the day. In reality he refers to her father often as ‘a treasured student’ or an ‘example of what Columbia truly builds.’ As she lets the man take his trip through his own memories, Eliza can hear Peggy’s unfiltered groaning in her head. She’d hate this-the way the meeting seems to drag on, the man’s dimpled eyes and lifted wrinkles creasing his forehead as he chuckles, jokes with her as if to lighten the mood.

But I’m lucky to be here, sitting in this seat. I’m lucky to be at Columbia, and this man is just trying to make me feel less anxious.

“And your sister, heading off to Oxford in the fall. We’re delighted to be sending one of our best students there, I bet she’s thrilled.”

“She is, thank you.”

“And your younger sister-a senior, right? Has she considered Columbia at all? Because the normal application period is running short on time, and I know the two of you applied as early applicants, so…”

“She’s not sure what she’d like to do, but Columbia was on her list. We took her on our own little tour in the fall.”

“Ah, good. It’d be a wonderful thing to have all three of you girls under our roof. Speaking of which, I’d like to move on to the reason I called you here. Enough pleasantries for now, but do tell your father that we’re still thinking about him.”

She shifts in her chair; the elaborately carved wooden chair is uncomfortable on her back, its curled wooden dowels dig into her spine if she rests against it, but the tough material sends an ache through her butt if she distributes her weight in the wrong way. She settles for a posture that is just at a bearable level, crossing one leg over the other and leaning slightly forward in her chair. This helps to hide the shaking of her hands, which she tucks neatly onto her lap.

He opens the conversation with something about academics, which she hadn’t been expecting. Eliza isn’t sure what she’d thought this meeting would be about, but the way he brandishes a manila folder, one with her name on a printed label, closes her throat. Her mind flashes back to elementary school, to coming home with her first real report cards and being unsure of the few B’s it displayed. Angelica’s, always on the fridge, displayed an array of A’s every single time. Hers varied; sometimes, the subject matter wouldn’t capture her, or she’d stumble on particularly hard scientific concepts. As middle school approached, she maintained rows of A’s with only ‘sometimes B’s,’ which attributed to things like teachers that didn’t click, or time spent studying that seemed to go to waste. In high school, the playing field was the same; Angelica graduating with a 4.0, Eliza just out of her reach. She was not a bad student-still is not-but there is clearly something wrong by the way the dean’s words come through a tone of certainty.

“We’ve looked everywhere, and this document is not in our records. It’s unfortunate, because looking at your files from last year everything else seems to be in order. There are even bits and pieces from this particular assignment, but no final paper.”

“I’m sorry, which assignment are you missing?”

“One from your freshman year, your observational thesis. We have proof of each observation, we have written drafts, but the key to this assignment is what you’ve learned as a whole. It’s thoroughly explained in the syllabus that this assignment is crucial not only to passing the class but to add to your growing portfolio, which I’m sure you’re aware is a requirement of completing the degree program. I’m not sure how this was overlooked, but I’m sure you remember this assignment?”

All Eliza can manage is a nod. She combs her hair over one shoulder with her fingers, occupying them from their stilled state. Her blink is held a moment too long; when her eyes are closed, she can see the lines of writing on the screen of her laptop. Back when she had the spacious balcony of a townhouse to work from, she’d hide away there to do her work. It was an easy place to escape to, with the rush of the city below her to drown everything else out. She’d even brought a big chair out there; John had helped her with the task, the lifting and assembling. Her happy place had been a glorious escape, and she reveled in it. Even in January, when they first moved in, she found the rush of the bitter outside air to be more relaxing than the loneliness of their new home. With the city below her, Eliza always had company. Today, in the closed-off pseudo-sanctuary of the dean’s office, all that is present is silence as she sorts through her memory.

The assignment had been due on March 1st, a Tuesday shrouded in clouds that never broke to rain. The document was on her computer, waiting for submission, but she’d been busy that morning with cooking; with chores and work that kept her occupied. She’d been busy waiting.

March 1st was the day James left early for work-a rarity in that time, where his schedule was so widely dependent on the amount of private time he did not want to allow her. It was a day of only one class, a seven a.m which came and went faster than expected. She’d kissed him at the door that morning promising updates of her day. Her first text, just after class got out, was habitual, mechanical. She watched the other students pour out of the room from behind her, chatting and laughing, making spontaneous plans. She said no; she always said no. There was no room for spontaneity back then.

Her heart had felt strange that day, loose and brimming with a chaos she could no longer control. A switch had been set; kissing James at their front door felt false, her sweet and docile mannerisms harder to keep up with each passing conversation. His grassy eyes no longer charmed her, for she’d found the snake hiding within their depths long ago. She’d been living in a hell she’d only just woken up in, and March 1st found her writhing to get out.

Her consideration came without speaking to anybody; not Angelica, or her friends from class…especially not her parents, although in this case she wasn’t sure where she’d go or how she would explain her sudden need for a home so quickly. These were trivial things, facts and figures that would only matter later on. Her mind was occupied with plans-codes and keys and ways to get around the walls he’d built to keep her in.

She didn’t make dinner. She didn’t text to tell him she’d gotten home safely.

After that 7 a.m, Eliza shoved her laptop, photos, fifteen outfits and a good pair of shoes into a hard-worked and heavy duffle. She bought a subway ticket with cash she’d been keeping in the pockets of a dress in the back of the closet. The city went by in a blur of emotions that hit too quickly, that made her stumble over herself as she fought the crowd to street-level. And in the unknown part of the city, with a dress not comfortable enough for travel and a duffle that kept it riding up farther than needed, she sucked in her nerves and plopped herself down at a café table.

“Moving?”

She jumped in her seat, the voice unexpectedly close as a male form took the empty spot next to her. He handed her a paper cup brimming with heat and she placed it on the table, refusing to make even the slightest bit of contact. I was this voice that brought that current of electric nerve back into her system, and Eliza frowned and kept her gaze down at her feet, shaking her head. At first, she thinks that might be enough-that the simple gesture is going to send the guy away and make him forget he’d ever seen her. After all, the city was a big place; she’s not sure how her luck became so skewed in the first place to warrant this visit after only ten minutes of travel outside of her usual routine.

“You sure? Because the bag,”

“-The bag is nothing, just some clothes I wanted to give away.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good. Hey, want me to get a hold of James? We can turn this into a little morning coffee date.”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, trouble in paradise?”

“Everything’s fine.”

It’s the second time she’d said the phrase that day; the first had been to herself in the mirror, just before she’d shut the apartment door with the cash she’d saved radiating hope, a way out. Then, at the hole-in-the-wall café, the weight of her decision carried itself in those dollar bills, a secret that made her feel dirty, and wrong.

“You know, Eliza, I get it. James can be an asshole.” She opened her mouth to protest but the man was faster, shushing her with the raise of one finger on his oversized hand and the blinking of his murky grey eyes. “You don’t have to defend him. I know he’s your boyfriend, but even you have had to see some of his bad side.”

She shrugged, silent. But her hand met the heat of the paper cup James’s friend had brought to her, and she drew it to her lips in a wordless agreement. Taking the cup meant peace.

But taking the cup had also meant taking the bait.

She tenses in the dean’s chair as she remembers the moment; the heat of bitter, over-sweetened coffee burnt her lips as his friend’s eyes looked over her shoulder. For a brief second she lets herself remember that false security, the way this guy had been trying to help, to understand and discuss her problems without her having to say a single word. She’d thought he was such a nice guy, such an unexpected light to begin her day. But that security had turned to fear when the guy waved, pulled another stool to their table as a hand met her shoulder.

“I thought you were hurt.”

“I’m fine.”

Again; the phrase came out barely spoken, through a hushed voice that strained through her fear-tightened throat. He seemed to be in a pleasant enough mood-sipped from his cup and smiled between her and his friend. She knew better than this, though. He kept one hand on the back of her chair, rooting her in place without making physical contact. He didn’t need to. The way his voice had dripped from his full and smiling lips was saccharine, hauntingly dressed for a show that would be over as soon as his friend left the shop.

On March 1st, she kept his friend there as long as possible. She asked an array of personal questions, listened to stories about the failed high school lacrosse career this friend treasured at an Olympic standard. She bought them all a second round of coffee with her card, felt the cash weigh with an even heavier upset as she attempted to keep it hidden. She ‘d kept her mind off of what would happen when they got home, when her sanctuary was infiltrated with questions she wasn’t prepared to answer. This had been her first attempt at leaving. This had also been her first time the consequences of her actions had caused her to be ‘too sick’ to leave the house.

The world, in Eliza’s head, did not need to see the blacks and blues that were a fault of her own poor planning. As she hid in the bathroom that evening, let the shower run far longer than needed, she felt every fleeting hope escape her-even the dress pocket full of cash couldn’t overshadow the new hues that now served as her own scarlet letter. She’d been stupid to think that a duffle bag and a hope would be enough to get out. Stupid…

“I have the assignment done on my computer.” Eliza blinks herself out of the flashback that’d had her silent, straightens in her chair as she remembers the things she’d meant to get done on the day of her first attempt of escape. She’d been submitting the research when she’d decided to leave. It had never gone through.

Her words are rambling, arduous as she attempts to arrange her thoughts into a coherent string of sentences. She’s not sure which side of the coin to land on; guilt and an overwhelming feeling of distress hit her both at once, fighting a tumultuous battle over which will take the primary place of settlement in her gut.

“It was done that day, I went to submit it and it just-it never went through. I know that’s no consolation, I know there’s no way you can really verify that, and I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. Is there anything I can do to make this right? It’s entirely my fault, I shouldn’t even be asking, but I really want to stay in this program and I,”

“-Elizabeth, take a breath.” She follows the instruction although it is tasking, taking in minute amounts of air as her lungs will allow. The dean furrows his wrinkled brow at her for just a moment, just long enough for her to shake in her chair. The uncertainty is crushing, and along with it comes a barrage of plans that cross her mind in incoherent paths. There are other schools that could use her; maybe they’d take my credits, maybe I could still graduate on time. But where would she go-what would she tell her father, who had been so prideful in seeing another daughter attend his alma-mater?

“I know your family well; you come from a long line of people who never give up. You Schuylers are always trying to upstage the others, to set boundaries that are impossible for your fellow classmates to keep up with. Some of the most beautiful recommendation letters I have on-file are those that were written for you, from teachers you observed or professors you had classes with. Not to mention the very deep, very real love the public has for you,”

“-please don’t mention that.”

“It’s true, but I’ll note that. Turn in the assignment when you’re ready, I’m sure it got lost in submission. Cyber space, right?”

Eliza chuckles, a forced noise that comes more from confusion than humor. He shakes her hand then, lets the smile reach his dimpled eyes as he walks her from his office. The wrinkled, humored old man stops to chat with the friendly receptionist, who leaves her with the same sort of wide-eyed grin that has become a common occurrence. But as she walks back to her apartment, the dean’s initial words repeat themselves in her head, covering up the relieving news that her problem can now be solved so easily; “We’re missing an assignment…a requirement of completing the degree program…I’d still know your face from all of those magazines.”

She says nothing when she gets back to the apartment, kicking off her boots and loading her laptop. The assignment is still in its designated folder, labeled and organized right next to March 1st in small, digital documentation. Eliza is silent as she watches it load into her portfolio, sent away to a professor who’d long past graded the others. And as Alex approaches her, cautious and calm, the sinking pit in her stomach grows large and looming, brimming with a strange cocktail of guilt that has been laced with the one word she and her sisters loathed more than anything; Privilege.

#sticking with the schuylers #swts #mine: swts #character: elizabeth schuyler #hamilton #hamilton au #this is a big feat #everyone put on your happy pants #except this is a huge emotional crazy story so

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anon-luv · 7 years ago

Text

One of the Boys [Chpt 1] JiminXReader(Editing)

Pairing: JiminxReader

Rating: M (strong scenes and themes)

Genre: Romance/Drama/Comedy/Angst

Word Count: 4,100+

Pt: 1/?

Summary: Jimin and you have had many ups and downs in your friendship. As a self proclaimed Lesbian(well at least feeling wise you had decided females were the way to go) you were the only girl who could withstand being in the same room as him without jumping his bones(well at least now you were good at controlling yourself). You and Jimin had a history, one that included breaking your heart in 3 separate occasions, and him being your first time which concluded on you walking out the next morning. You were both now super close. You guys were best friends, partners in crime, roommates, and even owned a small dancing studio together(which had left you both broke as hell). Your relationship is not confusing, and lines are clear for the both of you. Or are they??

Quick Note: Hey Guys. This is something I have been working on. I wrote this originally in 1st person and decided to change it. I am still new in this style of writing, so I would appreciate any sort of input. Let me know if you like it. I need to go back and edit. I am considering finding an editor to help me out with my stories(if you are interested let me know). This story was a request I got for a one-shot, but decided to make into a series because my bisexual self felt like it would be a prompt I would really enjoy to write about. I am still not quite sure if I should make this a JiminxReader only story or maybe add another member to the mix. I feel like this will be alot of fun. Hope you enjoy. ( I wrote most of it on mobile, will correct mistakes ASAP)

CURRENTLY EDITING!!

You are born and then you die, but in between you can do anything you want. It’s society that creates rules for us, but you can break out of that.

You can’t quite recall the exact moment in life when you decided men were not worth your time. You think it began way back on your 4th birthday party. when your mother found out your sperm donor(biological father, person who ejaculated into my mother’s vagina whose sperm successfully implanted in the egg, etc.) was cheating on her with the babysitter. That is quite cliché in his part. It’s a typical porno theme. Sex with the babysitter. Anyway, you think that was the first situation of many that landed you right where you are now.

At 6 years old, you fell in love for the first time, and you can honestly say it was magical. He was gorgeous in every sense of the word, including the most beautiful crooked tooth smile and chubbiest fluffiest cheeks. You proposed as soon as your noodle like legs landed right infront of him. That same day you met, you got married in your kinder’s backyard, you exchanged plastic rings and everything. A week later he admitted he only married you because he wanted your cookies, and that now that he had grown tired of the same brand and flavor of cookie, he had to move on and get a divorce. You were heartbroken. In fact, you were so absolutely outraged that you broke his nose with your lunchbox. That had also been your first time in the principal’s office.

A few years passed without many events pertaining to your love life, until the age of 14, when you finally had your first date. Once again, you had fallen into the trap of the same crooked smile. He assured you in a joking manner again and again that he no longer cared about cookies. According to him he was now a “grown ass man”. You started dating and it was at about a month in, that you received your first kiss. It was awkward to say the least. It was in a party, with about 20 teenagers, looking at you both intensely in a truth or dare game. You found out the next day, that your so-called boyfriend, had enjoyed the kiss so much, that he had gone around and kissed 5 other girls that had attended the party. Needless to say, you broke it off. You were heartbroken once again, but thankfully you hadyour best friend Mina who came in a heartbeat and cheered you up, bringing along about 4 tubs of ice cream and every flavor available of chips from corner store.

This leads you to your first love at the age of 16. Mina and you had become friends since your kinder wedding. She had done your flower arrangement. You both had become inseparable, and you never noticed anything wrong about it, until her 16th birthday. She had a sleepover and had invited 3 other girls from your class. Everyone had fallen asleep when she asked you to go with her to the backyard. She had sneaked in a few beers from her brother stash, but she was only able to grab enough for you and her. You both scurried out of the room, and as you sat staring at the stars she confessed her feelings towards you. You were shocked, and did not respond right away. The beer now warm in your hand remained forgotten as you tried to wrap your brain about the idea of you and her as something more. The only thing that had come into mind at the moment of her confession was to maybe try a kiss to test the waters. You had never had thought about maybe having a go for your team. Boys had been the only thing that you had considered as a partner, but it never hurt to try. You leaned forward planting lightly your lips on hers. Her hand automatically caressed your face sending slight tingles up your spine. It didn’t feel wrong. It felt different, and even though you were not sure about it, you decided change was not always a bad thing.

Your relationship with Mina lasted about a year, and even though you kept it private for the most part, you both decided to brake it off when you refused to tell your mother about the love you both shared. Mina said that you did not take her seriously enough, and after your break up she ran away from home, without leaving a sign of where she was heading. You were heartbroken yet again, but you knew you were at fault. To make it worse, your mom found out about a week after you both had broken up. To your surprise, she was not mad at all, and encouraged you to love whoever your heart had decided on without restraints. It was too late though, and Mina was nowhere to be found.

At the age of 18, the same crooked smile who had broken your heart twice before, made a comeback in your life. You had already had enough of him and his empty promises. On the first college party you attended, the alcohol drowned every sort of rational thought in your brain and you ended up screwing him all night. He did not leave the morning after as you had predicted, but you quickly turned down any offer that came out of his mouth by stating that you were almost completely positive you were a full-blown lesbian. He quickly debated that you couldn’t be a lesbian if you enjoyed dick as much as you had last night. He left without arguing any further, and left you confused about your sexual orientation.

After that encounter, you had decided that physically you were attracted to men, but mentally and emotionally females were the way to go. They were in touch with their feelings in a way males in your life had never been. Your heart had given up on the customary male and female relationship. You wanted to fall in love and not be playing a guessing game your whole life. You knew females could be bitches as well. You know you had been previously, but females were way easier to handle than men.

You were now a 24-year-old, caught in an endless routine between owning a dancing studio with your now best friend and taking a few classes in the local college. You have not been able to maintain a stable relationship in what seemed like forever. It’s not like you haven’t tried and gone on a few dates, but currently you were not focusing on looking for “the one”. You would welcome love if it came your way, but you were NOT on the hunt.

The blond head that lay beside you in the morning was a clear indication that you had drank way too many beers last night. You slowly slipped out of bed trying not to wake up the petite girl that was laying beside you. You slipped on a shirt and some basketball shorts, you were pretty sure belonged to your friend Tae. You tippy toed your way out of the room, and once you had successfully escaped you exhaled breath you had been retaining for too long.

“Hey (Y/N) where did you go last night??I lost ya at the party” Jimin said throwing one of his crooked tooth smiles your way. You shushed him quickly. You had no clue how you ended up becoming best friends with the first person who broke your heart, and not only shared an apartment with him but even owned a dance studio together. Here you were though, believe it or not, 19 years later, best friends and partners in crime.

You ushered him into the kitchen, that was a bit more separated from your room, than the living area you both were currently standing on. He gave you a wide knowing smile that made his eyes practically disappear into two little crescent moons.

“I have a little problem in my room….a blond, long legged, sexy ass woman that I would really want out as soon as possible. I have class in an hour, and I am covering Hoseok’s class today” you said urgently.

Jimin winked your way “At your service mah Ladeh”

You heard the front door open surprising both of you “Morning Sunshines!!” scram an overly cheerful Taehyung as he crossed the threshold of your apartment followed by a quite obviously hungover Namjoon.

“Can you guys just like…..shut the fuck up!” you said louder than you probably should have.

You covered your mouth instantly as you realized your mistake. Taehyung rose his eyebrows in your direction confused at your unusual bitchy attitude. Okay….you were always a bitch, but he had always been the exception to your random fits of rage. Namjoon grumbled some incoherent words as he threw himself against the couch covering his face with both hands.

Your bedroom door opening caught all of you off guard, and you quickly jumped into your routine morning after position. You made your way towards Jimin as he dropped what he had been currently doing and wrapped his arms around you.

The blondie walked towards you wearing a button up shirt, that you were pretty sure also belonged to Tae and some underwear. She was surprised to see the crowd that had gathered in the apartment as she took in the boys staring at her with a wide welcoming smile. You could tell she had done her hair and retouched her makeup before she came out. She was beautiful in every sense of the word, but you were not in the mood for chatting and your schedule was pretty packed today. You were sure she was lovely and in any other occasion you would’ve given her the benefit of the doubt, but today you had no time.

It was time to perform the show that you and Jimin had executed for both his and your one night stands way too many times to count. Your ‘official’ go to escape plan was pretty fucked up to say the least, but it worked and that is all you honestly cared about.

As the girl finally arrived before you, she noted how you were currently encircled by Jimin’s strong arms as you gave her a soft innocent smile.

“Morning Darling, It was such an awesome girl’s night out. Did you have fun??” you asked her as your hand interlaced with Jimin’s.

She looked a bit skeptical as her eyes roamed through the scene Jimin and you were currently playing(aka honeymoonish love phase[yes, googly eyes and everything]).

“Umm…yes….umm” she looked a bit flustered and you could notice a bit of blush spreading throughout her cheeks “You were very good company”

You could hear Taehyung’s soft chuckles, as a pillow came flying from where Namjoon laid in the sofa, shushing him automatically.

Jimin coughed awkwardly behind you, as he let go of your waist with one of his hands and gripped you tighter with the other one “My name is Jimin. It is nice to meet you…?”

“Natalie. My name is Natalie” She squeaked still looking confused.

“Natalie. Nice to meet you Natalie. A friend of my Fiancé’s is a friend of mine” he said giving you a quick peck in the lips as part of your usual routine. You smiled at him as if you were completely and utterly dazzled by him.

Natalie coughed probably chocking on her own saliva from the surprise. Her eyes opened in panic mode as she absorbed the information that had been unexpectingly thrown at her.

“I…better ..be on my way…work and stuff” she stuttered as she ran to your bedroom, and came out not even five seconds later wearing some jeans with a shirt in hand. Natalie rushed out of the apartment without a single goodbye.

As soon as the door slammed behind her you heard Namjoon slur “You are a bitch. One bad ass fucking Bitch”

Taehyung’s face looked absolutely heartbroken. You were about to excuse your actions, but before you could even open your mouth, he gave you the saddest expression in the world completely making you feel like shit.

“That was my shirt…” he said quietly.

Jimin laughed loudly, leaving one of my ear drums probably busted since he still had you wrapped in a close embrace.

“Holy Shit Tae. For a second there I thought you were going to give me one of your lectures” you said throwing a muffin at him.

Tae caught it and took a bite of it. “I have already gotten used to yours and Jimin’s asshole tendencies. I have given up on your souls. I’m no longer worried about consequences as long as you don’t drag me to hell with you. I am good” he said with a mouthful of muffin.

Namjoon sat up from the couch as the smell of the baked muffins alerted him that breakfast was ready. Jimin started giving you butterfly kisses on your neck making you giggle. You pushed him away playfully “Stay off me you horndog” you said still giggling “I gets the tickles”.

Namjoon shook his head as he walked towards the both of you “You guys are totally made for eachother, and it wouldn’t surprise me if you ended up married someday”

“We have attempted a relationship like a million and one times, but she prefers pussy. What can a man do??” Jimin said as he took out the milk from the fridge. He served you a glass before putting it on the table for the rest to serve themselves.

“You mean what men are not capable of doing?? Cause that is an endless list that we will never be able to get through” you said sitting on a chair criss cross apple sauce. You gulped down some milk “Not to mention Jimin over here managed to break my heart in 3 separate occasions”

“Hey, last time it was all your fault” Jimin replied defending himself.

Namjoon chuckled “You guys have one fucked up relationship”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way” Jimin replied pinching your cheek.

You threw a kiss Jimin’s way, and he pretended to catch it as he winked your way.

You rolled your eyes, “Point of the matter is, as much as I like Dick, because I won’t deny that I really do like Dick, my heart cannot handle what the dick is attached to”

“So, you are straight??” Namjoon asked confused.

“More like physically I swing both ways, but females will be the only ones that will score a homerun in the feelings department” you stated “Boys are assholes as boyfriends. I love ya’ll, and as you can see I prefer males as friends than females, but honestly…..you guys are douchebags”

Tae threw one of his rectangular smiles your way “I am guessing you are an asshole too then, because sorry to break it to you love, You are Just like a Boy....maybe worse”

Jimin threw a grin your way “Yeah (Y/N)…..you certainly are just like a boy. I raised you right”

You flipped them off playfully “Well fuck you guys too”

The class had gone a lot longer than you had expected. The small studio had always been a place you craved to run to, but at this moment you needed to run out.

Your phone rang as you turned off the last set of lights. Jimin had skipped out on teaching his own class as well because of college finals. His name was flashing on your screen blinding you temporarily.

“ChimChim!!” you scram answering the phone.

“Sweetie, are you coming home already?? Your favorite person in the world decided to stop by to pay us a visit” he said in what you could already tell was irritability masked with fake happiness.

“Your mother?? Seriously Jimin, you know she hates my guts. If she were a bit more open minded about shit and not such a bitch about….” You started rambling only to be shushed by him.

“Sweetie….love…..dear GIRLFRIEND you were on speaker there for a sec….so what were you saying about your teacher??” replied Jimin trying to cover up what you had previously said.

“I’ll be there soon babe. Wouldn’t want you to miss me too much” you replied in an overly sweet voice.

“Please babe. Please I NEED YOU” he said in a pleading voice.

“Be right there Chimchim. You owe me” you sighed hanging up.

Jimin’s mother had detested your guts since the very young age of 5, when she saw you smiling in the principal’s office while Jimin cried holding a bloody napkin to his nose. Of course, it was not the kind of hate that had been directed towards you, but more forwarded to your mother. At first it was not as noticeable, mostly just ignoring her but lately everything had become a competition. When Jimin’s mother heard you would be rooming with him, she went completely psycho and it wasn’t until Jimin lied telling her you both were in love and had been dating secretly for a few years she had finally stopped complaining. She was still not your biggest fan, but you had to pretend to be hers. It was absolutely overwhelming to have her pop in and visit unannounced. There had been times where you or Jimin had to shove your actual partners or one nights stands into the closet due to her surprise visits. To make it worse Jimin’s mother was so religious. If she ever were to find out your sexual preferences, or the fact that Jimin has fucked more than half the female population in your city, she would have a heart attack and perform some sort of exorcism on your soul for your sins.

When you finally arrived at your destination, it took you a few seconds to gather the courage necessary to cross the threshold of your apartment. The atmosphere quickly shifted to a suffocating tension as soon as you stepped into the living room. Jimin was currently stirring a pot in the kitchen and his mom had an expressionless face while she sat staring daggers on his back in the dining table. You took off your shoes and ran straight onto Jimin jumping on his back-Koala style. His pout turned into a wide grin as he sealed your lips with his in a quick peck. You jumped down making your way to his mom who now had a soft smile adorning her face.

“Hello Mrs. Park, sorry for arriving late. I had to cover both Hoseok’s and Jimin’s classes today.” You said greeting her.

“No problem. You know I love to come see you guys whenever I get the chance. I miss my boy at home so much. Especially when his father is away a lot and his brother is off in his first year in college as well” she said in a sad tone. Jimin had mentioned quite a few times his mom liked attention and that when she was left by herself she was miserable.

Jimin walked over placing a few plates on the table, “Babe how about you take a quick shower while I get this set. I made some spaghetti”

You nodded “Be right back Mrs. Park” You turned around to give another quick peck on Jimin’s lips and practically ran to the bathroom.

The bath felt absolutely heavenly, and as you walked out in shorts and Jimin’s old basketball team shirt you felt a lot more energized to deal with your pretend monster-in-law.

Your hair was still wet and you were having a hard time drying it. Jimin’s mother was already digging into her plate, and Jimin was already done eating from what you could see. You walked in trying to pick your hair up with a towel to serve yourself when you felt a presence behind you. You turned to see Jimin take away the towel from your hands, and then he proceeded to help you dry your hair. He kissed your neck as he rolled your hair into the towel for it to finish drying on its own.

“You are way too cute” he said giving you a plate so you could serve yourself. You blushed a deep shade of red as you made your way back to the table, where he was already sitting down with a brand-new pile of spaghetti on his plate. Jimin had a tendency of always serving himself seconds, that boy could really eat.

“So, when am I finally becoming a grandparent?? You both are not getting any younger, and you are at the prime of your fertility age. Marriage, of course comes first. Remember intercourse is sacred. I am glad you both still sleep in seperate rooms. I raised such a respectful young gentleman. I am so proud. It is nice to know some of this generation still takes the word of the lord seriously” Mrs.Park stated causing you to choke on a noodle. Jimin spit out his water causing a small shriek to come out of Mrs.Park’s mouth.

“Park Jimin, table manners please.” She said scolding him.

You laughed nervously “Ma’am we are both 24. We still have time for that, plus Jimin is probably wanting some time to concentrate on school without having to wear the title of someone’s husband.”

“Nonsense Sweety” Mrs. Park said way sweeter than she had ever talked to you “You both are so in love, I think even a blind person can see it. I remember when me and Mr.Park had the same puppy in love look in our faces. It is love and you both should embrace it to the fullest” she finished clapping excitedly.

Jimin coughed awkwardly “Mom. We actually have talked about it, and maybe later down the year….you know let’s put suspense to it, alright?? I want it to be a surprise”

“Oh yes surprise.” Mrs. Park said winking at him causing a blush to appear on his defined cheekbones “Anyway, I better be off. Your father is coming in early tomorrow. You know what that means right??” she said once again excitedly.

“You are finally getting laid” Jimin said under his breath causing you to chuckle. His mother caught on to his whispers and smacked him on the head.

“Park Jimin, Respect Sir…..but now that we are talking about marriage around here….” She said winking playfully.

Jimin threw a disgusted face at you causing you to burst out laughing and earning him another head smack.

“Bye Mrs. Park. It was nice seeing you.” you said as she walked towards the door.

“Nice seeing you (Y/N), tell your mother I say hello” she said plastering a fake smile.

You smiled back “Ma’am you will probably see her before I ever do. You are neighbors”

She shook her head “Oh, Yeah….I forgot. Goodbye”

The doorslam made both you and Jimin cringe.

“Well that went well…” you said as you plopped on the couch.

Jimin was already going through the channels “Way better that any other visit it sure was”

“Jimin you need to alert the apartment complex security to not let your mother in the building. Especially during the weekdays” you said snuggling to his side.

He wrapped his arm around you kissing your forehead “Thank you (Y/N) for putting up with all this shit”

“No problem. What are bestfriends for??” you asked ruffling his already messy hair.

He grinned broadly causing tingles to explode within your belly. Jimin’s smiles had always had a strange effect on you. His smiles were so genuine, they always filled you with hope and happiness, even when stuff seemed to be crumbling down. You could honestly say you loved him as a friend. He had been more of a family than anyone in your life. Life with him by your side has been rather interesting and you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

“There’s nothing on TV! What do we dooooo” he complained dramatically laying his head on your lap.

“We could always rent a movie in payperview. I don’t feel like going out….” You said playing with his hair. Something you knew he absolutely loved.

“I don’t wanna go out either…..or we could practice them baby making skills my momma was suggesting” he said playfully tickling your side in the process.

“I think you practice enough on your own BOYFRIEND” you said playfully.

He was about to retort when there was a knock on the door making you both jump.

“Are you waiting for someone??” he asked confused.

You shook your head quickly “Nope….are you??”

He shook his head as the knocks grew more frantic. You looked at eachother a bit scared now. You had both been watching way too many crime shows causing your paranoia to be off the charts. You grabbed the remote control and Jimin took a couch pillow as a weapon.

“Armed and ready” You said as you jumped on Jimin’s back as he walked towards the door. He carried you without a complaint as you got yourself into a perfect position to attack.

Jimin opened the door cautiously, pillow in hand.

The knocking stopped as a girl with blond hair, big eyes, and a small baby bump was revealed on the other side.

“Mina??” you asked in a whisper.

“Hey (Y/N), Jimin….nice to umm…see you again.” She said in a soft voice.

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