#aromantic experiences bingo

[lontra23]

Since this question keeps getting asked everytime a bingo with this square gets posted, here a (long) attempt to answer the question:

"Why isn't a romantic relationship just being best friends + more emotional and physical intimacy?"

For a long time I also didn't realize romantic attraction and romantic falling in love were actual strong emotions that are different from platonic love and an emotional bond, which is a big part of the confusion I think.

Personally I'd say that if and when a relationship starts feeling romantic is a bit different for everyone. (There doesn't always need to be romantic attraction involved to consider a relationship "romantic". For example see also: Cupioromantics) But: it is very much possible to sleep with someone you have an emotional connection with, without it immediately becoming a romantic relationship. (This type of thing is actually quite common for aros who never feel romantically attracted to anyone)

Like, if a relationship is friendship + physical intimacy, you can have a "friendship with benefits", and even allos agree that this doesn't automatically mean it's a romantic relationship. So obviously there needs to be some other element and sex is not the decisive factor.

However, you can also live in a house in a committed partnership with a best friend and care a whole lot about each other, tell each other everything without it being romantic. I'd say this is also a type of love, but more similar to loving a close family member. For example if you have a close relationship with your sibling, you can hug each other and it is definitely not romantic. Best friends can also be very close and touchy without it feeling romantic. IMO you can definitely love someone without being in love with them. Romantic attraction and being romantically in love is, from what i've heard and seen (and even according to some studies), supposed to feel distinctly different from close platonic friends who like to have sex sometimes

Another Example: A commenter once used this useful coffee/ tea analogy to explain:

(https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaaarrrrro/s/W1r1friT7A)

Quote: << A very kind alloromantic friend described it to me the other day, that romantic feelings and friendship feelings are entirely different and cannot begin to be compared, despite the common sayings like "oh we're just friends" or "they're more than friends". He said, "On the bar of friendship your bar is filled to the top and it’s not possible to get any higher. But there’s not a drop of romantic attraction there. If I add more friendship liquid it goes into the friendship jug. Even at infinity litres of friendship there’s still no romantic liquid in the romantic jug."

It's kind of a "you can't possibly know what coffee tastes like if you've only ever drank tea" situation. From an aromantic and alloplatonic outside perspective, a romantic relationship might look like tea (friendship) and biscuits (affection) because tea and coffee look similar but the liquid in that cup is coffee (romance), and we know that coffee exists because seemingly everyone loves coffee and craves it, but if we've never craved coffee or wanted coffee or have never been able to taste coffee even when we did have it, then we can only really describe coffee by referencing tea.

I don't like the idea of coffee, never had coffee, don't know anything about what coffee is like besides what people say about it, don't particularly want coffee because I'm satisfied with what I've got, but I do like biscuits and I would totally dip those in tea so I have absolutely no idea what those coffee heads are experiencing. >> Quote end

[rawliverandgoronspice]

I think we may have integrated a little too hard the idea that being aroace is the "easy mode" of queerness, and so contextualized all acephobic experiences as "not that bad" inherently rather than taking a hard look at them and what they can look like

[acexualien]

I made an acespec bingo!

*Mentioned in the bingo is the term “m-spec” - it stands for “multiple attraction spectrum” and is a spectrum of orientations defined by attraction to multiple genders.

A common aspec (asexual and aromantic spectrum) experience is thinking you’re m-spec before figuring out you are actually aspec.

You can support me by following me on my socials (link in bio) and engaging with my posts, thank you 🧡

[fourormore]

[Image description: A polyam flag with the words “four or more bingo” on it. End description.]

FOUR OR MORE 2024 BINGO

AO3 COLLECTION | SQUIDGEWORLD COLLECTION

You thought I would stop at a ficathon? Hell no, I have a vision: a world where we can read about polycules and complicated relationships with four or more people until our eyes hurt and our hearts can't take it anymore.

Let me introduce to you: the 2024 Four or More Bingo!

This is a low-stakes, personal challenge. There's no penalty for not finishing or running late.

Cards will be given from October 20th to December 31st. Fills can be posted to AO3, SQWA or tumblr forever.

GUIDELINES

Any medium! Any rating! As long as your work focuses on a relationship with 4 or more people, it's allowed!

All works must be your own and not previously posted. AI generated works will be deleted from the collections.

You may combine these with other events, as long as the other event allows it (examples are @polyamships ' polyartober, lyricaltitles ' bingo, etc)

Small fandoms welcome!

Don't forget to comply with the community guidelines.

MEDIUM SPECIFIC GUIDELINES

Minimum wordcount for fics is 100 words. There is no maximum

Minimum for art is a sketch on unlined paper (figure sticks allowed!). There is no limit to the quality or effort you want to put in your fills.

Minimum for moodboards is a 3x3 grid (9 images individually or edited in one image). Maximum is given by the place where you decide to post. On tumblr, the maximum is 20 images, but on AO3, you're free!

Minimum for podfic is a 100-word fic. There is no restriction on maximum length or effects.

Minimum for fanvids is 30 seconds. There is no maximum.

Other mediums don't have a minimum. Do you want to make an in-universe magazine for your ship? A cross stich pattern? A sculpture? Go ahead and do it! I look forward to all the things you can create.

Prompts, FAQ and more below the cut!

PROMPTS

The following are the prompts that the bingo card will be generated from. Send us an ask if you want a card, and if you want any prompts specifically excluded from it (you can exclude up to 5 prompts). Feel free to request a new card at any time through December 2024, even if you've already received one. If these prompts seem familiar, it's because most of them come from the ficathon! I've chosen some of the most frequent prompts + some new prompts for added spice.

Hide and seek

Growing old together

Getting high together

Moving in together

"It's complicated"

Long distance

Going to a music event together

Medical AU

1920s AU

1950s AU

1980s AU

Y2K AU

Apocalypse AU

Cyberpunk AU

Meeting the parents

"Because I'm heartbroken"

Kink negotiation

Didn't know they were dating

Truth or dare

Skinny-dipping

Aromantic character

Coffee date

Pacific Rim AU

Gamer AU

Game night becomes an orgy

Stargazing

Trust issues

"My turn"

Omegaverse AU

Sedoretu

Sharing a bed

Wedding

Introspection

Dirty talk

Birthday sex

Coming home

Case fic

Morning after

"Don't look at me, this wasn't my idea"

Royalty AU

Combat training

Dancing

Confessions

Experimenting

Redemption

"Let me/us help"

Enemies to lovers

Friends to lovers

"Why me?"

Something made them do it (sex pollen, fuck water, in heat, etc)

Outsider POV

Wearing each others' clothes

Collection

A fandom you haven't written before

A fandom with canon set before the 20th century

A fandom that's 10+ years old

A fandom that's 20+ years old

A polycule with 5 people

A polycule with 8 people

A polycule with 10+ people FAQ

Q: So how do I get a card? A: Send us an ask, preferrably off anon, but if you prefer to remain anon, leave an emoji to identify you by.

Q: How many fics do I need to write? A: For a bingo, 5 prompts in a line (horizontal, vertical, or diagonal). You can even go for a blackout (all 25 prompts). Q: Why isn't X allowed? A: Just because.

Q: I don’t have a Dreamwidth account. Can I join? A: Of course! You don’t even need an AO3 account if you wish to post only on tumblr.

Q: My work contains [INSERT WARNING HERE]. Can I still participate? A: Yes. This is a CNTW (Choose Not To Warn) space.

Q: I don’t want to see [X] content, can you please remove it? A: No. The only content that will be removed will be that that does not comply with the rules.

COMPLETION POSTS

So, you have a bingo (or a blackout!), what now? Well, to acknowledge the fact that you spent time and effort on at least 5 fics, we'll be receiving bragging posts (also known as completion posts) where you can link all of your fills at once. Please follow this format. You may post on your own blog and @ us, tag #fourormore or submit it to the blog.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to send a message.

Have fun and bon appetit!

[aberrantmood]

Found this "Aromantic Allosexual Experiences" bingo.

Here's my results:

Multiple bingos. Nice! Unsure if I missed anymore.

(While this isn't an NSFT post, putting this divider here as my account in of itself isn't entirely SFW. 👍🏾)

[otpcutie]

AroAllo Bucky Barnes aesthetic (AU: Sweet Surrender)

I wanted to make Bucky a moodboard for aro week and after receiving some lovely comments on my fic Sweet Surrender recently, I decided to create one for Bucky in that AU.

I tried to capture his confidence, playfulness (especially with Steve), the importance of his garden and how healing nature has been for him.

An exert:

It wasn’t until after the fall he discovered, through the Queer community in the twenty-first century, a word that encompassed that experience for him. Aromantic.  It was freeing for Bucky, learning there were others like him. It had been extremely alienating at times… those around him all seemed to share the same dream, of marriage and having children—the nuclear family. A dream he couldn’t relate to. Despite their differences Steve always accepted and loved Bucky for who he was. As did their new friends. Who, like Steve, had all become part of the future he imagined for himself. He adored their dysfunctional little family and with their support, Bucky was the happiest he’d been in a long, long time. Maybe ever. The future never looked so bright. Steve pictured Bucky, his best guy, in his future too. That was nothing new. They were a package deal, and if he met someone who was threatened by Bucky’s presence in his life, then it simply wasn’t meant to be.

Includes All Bingo, fill: the same only different: Canon AU / Gen Prompt Bingo, fill: spring

♥︎ My Masterlist ♥︎

[readingoals]

It's pride month so ofc I have to post about being aromantic lmao. Although I actually read this book last month - I'd had it on preorder since the beginning of the year. I'll put my review under the cut for length

Aro And Ace Journeys is, I think, a good entry into understanding the aromantic and asexual spectrums.

I've been identifying as aro for around 5 years now (and as ace-spec for like a few months) so a lot of what was in this book was not new information to me. But it was interesting. The section on history of ace and aro terms was especially interesting for me, and I really liked the way the books was sectioned into different phases of understanding and accepting an ace or aro identity. It made it feel very approachable, no matter what stage in their journey the reader is in.

Some of the latter sections that revolved around coming out and examining what sort of futures exist for ace and aro folks felt especially relevant to me since I have been identifying as aro and ace-spec for so long, but there were definitely other parts that were just very validating to read and really helped confirm some of my feelings about my identity. I did find parts a little repetitive but I think that's natural for a book trying to cover all the basics for anyone starting at the very beginning.

It does go into some discussion about how an ace or aro identity might intersect with other queer identities, race, religion, etc. I think there was some really valuable points made but a lot of those discussions were fairly brief due to the nature of the book. So if more detailed discussions about that sort of thing is what you're looking for, this may not be the book for you.

Otherwise, I'd definitely recommend it. Especially to anyone who is questioning if they might be aro and ace-spec, or for allo folks who just want to learn a little more. People more familiar with the aro and/or ace communities may not get as much out of it but I don't think the experience of reading about people with similar experiences can be underestimated. Especially with lesser known/talked about identities like those on the ace and aro spectrums. It's just really nice to see physical confirmation that you aren't alone. There is also a very thorough glossary at the back, further resources like links to useful websites and other books (both fiction and non-fiction), as well as a couple of amusing 'coming out bingo cards' which defs gave me a good chuckle.

I have another book on pre-order which is specifically about being aromantic. It's due to be released at the end of July so look out for my review of it in a couple of months lmao. I'd curious to see how it will compare with this one.

[voiddemon]

For the ship bingo, what about regular ol' Kirfluff?

i, for one, am a "Kirby is Aromantic" and "One-sided Kirfluff for a short while until Prince Fluff got real" truther.

I mean ngl Kirfluff is. Fine. I've consumed a fic or two about it. Hell I was probably almost a Kirfluff guy until my Skirfluff sleeper genes kicked in and I became profoundly not normal.

Most of the stuff made for Kirfluff is actually pretty good, but most of it also just isn't my cup of tea. For the most part Kirfluff fans have similar opinions as to how Kirby and Fluff are, but they don't line up with my interpretations that much.

Some of the other stuff made for Kirfluff though I actively don't like, whether it feels too cookie-cutter or too fluffy or too samey. And often if people aren't careful, Prince Fluff is reduced to 'Prince Love interest.' I feel this happens with a lot of popular ships.

Which tbf this only really bothers me because I can't look up "Prince Fluff" without getting KIRFLUFF BLASTED since it's so popular. It's just about as popular as Prince Fluff himself.

If you're a Prince Fluff fan, you definitely ship him with someone. Most people who like Prince Fluff gravitate towards Hero/Royal because it's cute(I like it too), which is a one way trip down the Kirfluff pipeline.

Soooo yeah I think just the abundance and one experience and different character interpretations makes this ship dead in the water for me.

[chisecco]

so whos this asshole

hi im alex 24 yadda yadda i have various interests but right now im into jjba (spinterest, focused on p5) and animal crossing (possible hyperfix) the most

im asexual aromantic and a trans dude and also questioning whether i might be pansexual. aka i am two things (potentially three) that this entire website hates <2

i am autistic and questioning whether i may be adhd and have ocd as well 🤗 i also have had depression for several years due to Personal Experiences but i can deal with it most of the time

byf i talk about being depressed sometimes, im often bad at expressing myself so dont get me into discourse unless i have started it myself

dni general dni criteria, harry potter and/ or jkr fans, hardcore swifties, fatphobes, acephobes, panphobes, zionists, prsk fans that deny that mizuki is transfem. i know having a dni nowadays is nonsensical but just in case 😇

heres my last character bingo you can Judge Me based on it

[go-to-the-mirror]

any thoughts on basira and daisy for the ask game?

[ID in alt: @isnt-loving-lovely’s ship bingo. The title is “ship bingo.” From left to right, top to bottom, the spots are: “I’d read a fic,” “sure i can see it,” “otp x 1000,” “the angst. the drama,” “t4t,” “qpr,” “unhealthy in a good way,” “been married for 30 years,” “unhealthy in a BAD way,” “best in a certain part of canon,” “canon no, fanon yes,” “they sure do exist,” “free space,” “I didn’t know about that one,” “rotating in my brain like a microwave,” “theyre exes,” “i can see the appeal,” “I have So Many Headcanons,” “awwe I love them :),” “I used to like them a lot more;” “no,” “part of a bigger polycule,” “fandom doesn’t know them like I do,” “canon did them Wrong,” “wlw/mlm solidarity.” Crossed out in purple is: “unhealthy in a BAD way,” “free space,” “i can see the appeal,” “no,” and “fandom doesn’t know them like I do.” “i can see the appeal” is only crossed out a little. “no” is crossed out a lot. /End ID]

(CW vague mention of TMA canon-typical police stuff)

Alright, I have Feelings about Dasira, but I’m mostly going to be talking about it in an aromantic way, because I am not the person who knows enough to talk about TMA and cops. (But I will say that if one more person headcanons Daisy with BPD I am going to Die, please Stop.)

So, as an aromantic person, I appreciate that canon!Dasira is completely platonic. They absolutely suck ✨ platonically ✨. They’re a toxic ✨ platonic ✨ relationship. Basira has double standards about Daisy killing people versus Jon taking people’s statements, but her feelings for Daisy are completely platonic.

Yes, queer romantic relationships are important in fiction, I acknowledge this and I’m not going to say it doesn’t give me warm fuzzy feelings to have queer romance be a thing, I love it as much as the next person, but as an aromantic person, I absolutely adore how Daisy and Basira can be so devoted to each other — to the point of it being harmful to the people around them, don’t think I have forgotten — and have the relationship still be completely platonic.

I have a problem with the TMA fandom and how a lot of people just sort of… assume romantic!Dasira is canon, when it’s not. Some of my favourite fic authors are guilty of this (I will not name names because. No. They’re lovely. I don’t know if I have the power to make people do anon hate and I don’t want to find out), and it’s just… hhh. It makes me annoyed. Ship and Let Ship, yeah yeah, but also, aaa, just. It doesn’t sit well with me, personally.

Also, not the right person to be talking on this, but while I really like Daisy’s redemption (?) arc and the message of forgiveness not being necessary but trying to do better being necessary, I… hm. Idk. I just don’t want to say something wrong, so I tend to just stay away from Daisy and Basira as characters. Don’t have much experience with it and have not done enough reading on it.

Anyway, thank you for the ask, you’re v snazzy, and if anyone else wants to… uh you can send stuff for:

MCYT (specifically Hermitcraft and adjacent, but I can do any MCYT, I’ve absorbed some stuff via osmosis), BNHA/MHA (I had a phase), PJO (and related fandoms), TMA, Malevolent, WTNV, RQG, TMC, and any other fandoms you fancy but those are the main ones.

[lontra23]

AroAce Experiences Bingo (blank card) - How aroace are you?

[thunder-pride]

Kia ora everyone!

For those who don’t know me, my name is Bri and I’m the name and the face behind @tracybirds where I write and art and generally breathe Thunderbirds! I’ve been a part of the Thunderfam since 2019 and I mostly vibe with TAG although I do enjoy TOS and 2004, and I’m slowly getting sucked into other GA shows and having a great time!

My first experience of the show outside vague reruns of TOS and knowing the Thunderbirds themselves (iconic machines that they are <3) was visiting Wētā Studios and getting to tour the sets and being obsessed!! After that I bought the DVD of TAG Season 1 Volume 1 and the rest is history! I write mostly and occasionally dip my toes into fanart too! Feel free to check things out if that interests you!

My queer journey has been interesting over the years but now I’m pretty happily settled as describing myself as bisexual. Occasionally I wander back and forth on the asexual and aromantic scales, but that’s not something I’m too bothered about most of the time. My pronouns are she/her and I’m mostly just happy to be here!

The event I’m most looking forward to is definitely the Bingo Challenge! A whole month and some epic prompts!

Take care everyone and see you all around <3

[alias-milamber]

Ace Week

It's Ace Week, which used to be International Asexuality Awareness Week, but is now an entire week of Ace Awareness, which seems like a trick, to be honest. An exhausting trick.

Asexuality is a broad term under which huddle asexuals, aromantics and various other forms of bodily and non-bodily horror. Occasionally this feels a little "misc", and I personally find myself swinging between "If this new label under Asexuality means you find comfort, then welcome friend" and "No, there's a whole other letter for that, quit it". I err on the side of not being a dick to anyone who didn't start it.

These days my personal description is that I am a Straight* Asexual† Cis Male‡

Some of this is undoubtably medically induced. In that I would have described myself more as grey-ace before I was on antidepressants, but definitively black & white afterwards. Since I don't see spontaneous remission from chronic depression on my 202X bingo card, and even if it did the situational depression would fill the space like a river into a crater, I don't think that's changing any time soon.

It took me a long time to get as far as "Ace". I had no idea the term existed until I saw the phrase "grey ace" in a friend's twitter bio, looking it up, and filing that information in my brain as "That seems just how attraction works?"

Reader: This was a clue, and I missed it.

I pottered along for a while in my normal depressed lifestyle, not really understanding a whole load of mass media stuff, and assuming my absolute lack of any kind of sex drive was part of the whole "Depressed, broken, unneeded" package. Discovered polyamory, had some extremely disappointing (for them) experiences, found joy in giving, etc.

Then I finally hoisted the stones necessary to go to the doctor about the facts that a) My pillows smelt of honey and b) The world was a horrific landscape in dark monochrome that was devouring my soul in tiny painful bites. I was diagnosed with depression and type-two diabetes, though not in list order.

My world was not magically improved by antidepressants, but it upped the brightness, downed the contrast, and brought saturation back to my worldview. I rediscovered the concept of asexuality via friends, and it clicked a lot more. I experimented with the new label in the traditional method of my people: I created a LARP character who identified with it (A Watcher at a Buffy LARP), and explored how it filtered my worldview. Which it didn't. So I was obviously doing it wrong.

To make a long post less colours-of-the-sky, it took me a long time to come to asexuality. A lot of it was tied up in my views of what I "should" be, and what "normal" is. I still don't know where the edges of it are. Is any lack of attraction a form of asexuality? Are "sapiosexuals" asexual because they aren't attracted to (people they assume are) stupid? Is saying they can't have a bit of this space gatekeeping? (I saw an asexuality label that described women who were attracted to men and not at all to other women, and I felt guilty for my initial reaction requesting decolonisation of my lawn).

But I find it a handy label for my desire to stay out of anyone's pants save my own, and a remarkably chill community to be a part of.

So yes, I am Aquarion (or alias milamber, or whatever) and I'm Ace. This is my week. You can see me.

Feetneat follow

* BWIM my attraction has hithertofor been almost entirely towards people who my brain parses as "not male" with a certain amount of software-correction if lizard-brain is misgendering people.

† Specifically asexual and not aromantic, but very much of the "sure sex is nice, but have you ever slid into a bath that was the perfect temperature?" school.

‡ Not that I've ever really been comfortable in "male" spaces, but it's the thing that fits rounded to the nearest label. Anyone who believes my enjoyment of skirts and uses the phrase "egg" near to it will be subjected to a small rant about gender stereotypes.

§ I didn't get this far, but thanks for your interest

[heartless-aro]

So, I just realized I never responded to this (sorry about that).

I agree that at events like the one you described, it’s definitely best to let aromantic people lead the discussion rather than trying to explain aro concepts to them. I highly respect that you gave the aromantic folks present the space to focus on their own experiences.

If the main issue you’re having is lack of participation from those present at aromantic events, it might be useful to ask attendees general questions about their experiences and/or about aspects of aromantic culture that you’re familiar with. The best way to do that will probably depend a lot on format of the talk (e.g., virtual, in-person, hybrid), the number of people present/expected to be present, and just generally how your organization runs these sort of talks. Depending on the “audience” size, you could even split people into groups and give them some topics/questions to discuss as an icebreaker (e.g., “How old were you when you first realized that you’re aromantic,” “What’s your favorite aromantic pride symbol,” “Do you own an aro ring,” “Do you feel like your aromanticism affects your relationship with gender,” “Do you enjoy romance in fiction,” “What is your sexual orientation,” etc.). You could even make a game of it; for example, you could hand out one of those “aromantic bingo card” memes that people have made and use that as a way to prompt discussion and let the aros in attendance find commonalities amongst themselves. Honestly, you probably know a lot more about the logistics of this sort of thing than I do. I’m basing a lot of what I’m saying on things that my therapist did to encourage discussion when conversations stalled back when I was in group therapy, so I’m not sure how applicable this all is (especially since I myself have never had the opportunity to attend a talk like the one you describe).

I think it’s a great idea to bring up alloaros in a sex-positivity discussion, since they are uniquely affected by stigmas surrounding sex. In general, bringing up aromanticism (especially alloaros) when relevant outside of aromantic-centered events is probably good practice, especially since many aro people who attend your organization’s events may not be familiar enough with aromanticism (due to it being a lesser-known identity) to realize that they’re aro and, as a result, may not be attending your group’s aromantic events (due to not knowing that those events are relevant to them). Plus, it doesn’t hurt for alloromantic people to learn about aromantic experiences and perspectives.

As for the term “loveless,” as far as I can tell, it isn’t used much (if at all) outside of the English-speaking subset of the aromantic community. It’s difficult to say for sure, since my knowledge of the international aromantic community is admittedly minimal, since I’m limited by my perspective as someone who is American, lives in America, and doesn’t speak their second language well enough to seek out native speakers’ accounts of their own experiences with aromanticism. I did take a look at a couple of the non-English glossaries on AUREA’s website and saw no references to lovelessness, though I can’t say for sure whether that’s because loveless aromantic is an English-exclusive term or if it’s simply because AUREA’s non-English glossaries are somewhat sparse. That being said, chances are that the term loveless aromantic (or some equivalent) doesn’t get much use outside of English, if it gets any use at all in other languages.

That being said, some aspects of the concept of lovelessness may still resonate with aromantic people from other cultures, even if many other aspects of lovelessness are rooted in experiences and philosophies that are directly related to the English language. In particular, some aros of other cultures might relate to not experiencing any form of love (due to neurodivergence) or might relate to the desire to reject love as a label for themselves due to ways that love and attitudes surrounding love may contribute to their own oppression, dehumanization, etc.

However, depending on how aromantic experiences differ within the context of non-anglophone cultures, the word “loveless” may not quite match up with the lived experiences of aromantics internationally. If there’s too much dissonance between English speakers’ experiences and non-English speakers’ experiences as aromantics, it may be more useful for aromantics from other cultures to create their own terminology in their own languages to describe “loveless-adjacent” experiences shared by aromantic people of their individual cultures.

Ultimately, decisions on whether each non-English speaking subset of the aro community should adopt the term “loveless aromantic” (or, rather, an equivalent translation), create a new language-specific term, or disregard the concept of lovelessness altogether is a decision that’s best left to the people in those subsets of the community (rather than my silly little American self). If you’re comfortable doing so, it may be worth asking the aros you know about their perspectives on the English concept of lovelessness so they can decide for themselves whether they find it relevant enough to their lives to open up a discussion on the possibility of adopting some translation of the term “loveless aromantic” or creating new terminology to describe loveless-adjacent experiences that exist within the context of their own culture.

By the way, if you’re ever willing to share any aro terminology from your native language or any perspectives of aros from your country (with their consent, of course), I would love to hear about it. It’s difficult to find information on the aromantic community that exists outside of English-speaking countries, so it would be interesting to hear about aromantic experiences in non-English cultures.

Heyo, i'm part of a queer organization irl. I'm trying to lead us to focus more on aromanticism, since even a lot of queer people know very little about it. I have two questions. Number One is about the term loveless, since I've seen it used (and explained) quite frequently but still don't understand it. I don't get it of it's an actual description of not wanting love of any kind or more of a hyperbole, a stance taken against the common practice of only talking about love in a romantic context. And also i wanted to know if you have any more general suggestions

Ok, so I’m actually gonna start with general suggestions since I know I’m going to ramble a lot about lovelessness when I get to that part (given how I am as a person).

Since aromanticism isn’t as well known as most other identities, it would probably be difficult to set up events or groups for aromantic people, so I’m going to assume that your main goal, at least to start with, is probably going to be providing information and resources, and I’m gonna do my best to give advice based on that.

So, first and foremost, I would recommend being very clear about the fact that you can be aromantic even if you are allosexual. Alloaros are a much more significant portion of the aromantic community than people tend to realize. I’ve been meaning to make a post about some research papers I’ve read that give a bit of insight into the exact statistics, but what’s important to know is that, based off what little research exists, it is likely although aromantic people are more likely to be asexual than alloromantic people, most aromantics are still allosexual, not asexual. There’s probably a lot of people who are aromantic and just don’t realize it, because unfortunately with the amount of alloaro erasure in our community, many allosexual people don’t realize that identifying as aromantic is even an option for them.

Also, this is a bit specific, but I would recommend that when providing resources on aromanticism, you also provide a bit of info on aro rings (i.e., what they are/how to wear one), since many aromantics have never met another aro irl and would likely benefit from having a way to find and connect with other aros.

AUREA’s website (aromanticism.org) has a lot of great resources too, so I would definitely suggest checking those out and maybe directing people to AUREA’s website for further information about aromanticism.

These are all somewhat simplistic suggestions since I’m not really an expert on organizing and I don’t know what sort of goals and resources you’re working with, but if you want to discuss further, feel free to dm/message me and I’ll help as best as I can (for real I have nothing better to do lol) ♠︎.

Lovelessness

Ok so now for your first question about whether the term “loveless” is literal or hyperbolic…the short answer is…yes. Yes it is. As for the long answer…

There are a number of reasons why someone might identify as loveless aromantic. For some people, their identity as loveless may be related to some intrinsic aspect of themselves while others may adopt the term for ideological reasons (i.e., as a political identity of sorts).

AUREA defines a loveless aromantic as “a person on the aromantic spectrum who feels disconnected from the concept of love, does not experience love, or rejects the idea of personally experiencing love” and clarifies that “loveless aros may experience other attractions, but do not equate these attractions to love.” This is a good start to understanding what loveless aromanticism is, but I’m going to try to discuss this in a bit more depth (at least, to the best of my ability).

At its core, lovelessness is simply the rejection of love as a descriptor for oneself and for one’s experiences — nothing more, nothing less. It only starts to become more complicated when you start delving into why someone might decide love is not a useful or applicable term for their experiences.

The most straightforward and obvious reason is that some people simply don’t feel anything that they can identify as love. This may be the case for people who lack the desire or ability to form close emotional bonds with others; this could be due to a personality disorder like szpd, aspd, npd, or ocpd, due to emotional detachment related to ptsd, due to negative symptoms of schizophrenia, and so on. Similarly, someone who struggles to identify their emotions may not know whether or not they feel love.

Some may also consider “love” to be inapplicable to themselves because love is often so loosely and inconsistently defined as to seem nonsensical or meaningless to them. After all, how can romance, friendship, family bonds, passion for hobbies, and general enjoyment of life all be categorized as forms of “love” when each one of these is a fundamentally different experience?

The word love can refer to a lot of things, but romantic love is, for better or for worse, central to its basic definition. So much of our society’s concept of love is characterized by traits associated with romantic love, with all other forms of love being treated as secondary at best. Although we can stretch the definition so the word love can be more broadly applied, that doesn’t change the fact that, unless we completely rethink how we conceptualize love (as many lovequeer aros do), love as a social construct is inextricably tied to romance.

People are quick to label virtually any positive human experience as love, and in doing so without actually deconstructing what love means, they implicitly draw a connection between romantic love and those other positive human experiences. Yet is my “love” of music really the same emotion as someone else’s love for their spouse? Or do we only call them both love because — with romantic love being seen as the pinnacle of human emotion — we have become convinced that the only way the enjoyment of music could be anywhere near as valuable an experience as romantic love is if the enjoyment of music is in and of itself a form of love? By calling labeling any and all sources of joy as forms of love without considering whether they actually meet the definition of the term, we risk elevating the pedestal upon which society places romantic love, to our own detriment.

So, part of why someone might identify as loveless is because, in rejecting the idea that our experiences should be labeled as love, we are seeking to challenge the notion that the value of our experiences lies in their similarities to romance. In doing so while continuing to assert that our experiences are equal in value to the experience of romantic love, we seek to combat the idea that romantic love is above all other things.

Furthermore, there are also many people who identify as loveless due to having had “love” weaponized against them in the past. When people say that love makes us human, some of them may mean love in that broad sense that includes platonic affection, familial bonds, care towards pets, passion for hobbies, and so on. But for most people, the first type of love that comes to mind is always going to be romantic love, and for many, love and romance are inherently synonymous.

Although attempts to expand the definition of love are valuable, many aromantics (like myself) are uncomfortable with labeling any of their feelings as love. Furthermore, many neurodivergent aros, autistic aros in particular, have the love they do experience delegitimized by others because they cannot express love in the way people expected them to. (This is something that K.A. Cook explains in much greater detail in hir essay where ze first coined the term loveless aromantic. I plan on posting a link to this essay in a separate post in a bit. I highly recommend reading over it if you have the time).

After a lifetime of being excluded from the category of “people who love,” many aromantics don’t want to be told that we’re allowed to “join the club” now. There are people who will never consider our experiences to be the same as “real love,” and those who do will often consider us only as an afterthought. When people reinforce the idea that “love makes us human” or that “love is the meaning of life,” they may be including things like platonic love in their definition of love, but at the end of the day, not everyone will interpret their statements that way, and so their statements will still contribute to the dehumanization of aromantic people. Thus, it is not enough to be placated by the notion that love can include us too; at best, this is an empty platitude, and at worst, it serves to silence us on the matter of our own dehumanization. We need to dismantle the notion that love is intrinsic to humanity and happiness. In rejecting inclusion into the category of “people who feel love,” loveless aros make it impossible to ignore how equating love with humanity and happiness dehumanizes us and devalues our lives.

Anyways, this is based pretty heavily on my own thoughts and experiences and it’s probably not super organized but I hope that it helps.

So uhh,

tldr; loveless can be a descriptor for someone who doesn’t want love in any form, or it can be used as a hyperbole to express a stance against equating love and romance, or some combination of the two.

[kai-strophics]

Ship bingo! Huntlow? (Hunter x Willow)

Huntlow for the ship bingo!

Not my thing at ALL but I get why someone would ship as their parallel experiences are interesting.

I personally only like them as friends, The WlW/Aromantic and MlM solidarity would be so good and I do love the idea of Wingmen Emerald Entrails for Goldric lol

[physicsandfandoms]

It’s almost that time of year again! Asexual Awareness Week is October 20th - 26th 2019!

I’ve been posting the Asexual Awareness Week Fandom Challenge the past couple of years because it is a tradition that I don’t want to see die out. I had an idea to do something a bit differently this year though! Rather than daily prompts, the challenge is to get a “bingo” of five prompts that you respond to in any part of the week. You can respond to more than five of them too if you’d like!

You can respond with any type of fanworks; fanfic, fanart, meta, edits, playlists, etc. You can make content for any characters who are canonically, or you headcanon as anywhere on the asexual spectrum. Use the tag #AAWFC or #AAWFC 2019.

If you do a total blackout (post something for each of these prompts) I’ll make you an icon/lockscreen/banner/etc. with your choice of character and asexual spectrum flag! Just use a specific tag so I can easily verify them on your blog, and send me a message when you’re done!

Prompts:

B1: What is ace culture like for the time/place this character lives? How do they interact with it?

B2: Post about a grey asexual headcanon.

B3: How does the character respond to allonormativity? What kind of allonormativity have they faced?

B4: How has this character come out? Or have they not?

B5: Post about a canonically asexual character.

I1: Post about a demisexual headcanon

I2: How does the character’s asexual spectrum identity interact with their other identities? (gender, culture, etc.)

I3: Recommend a professionally published work (not a fanwork) that includes an asexual spectrum character. Books, (web)comics, TV, etc. are all fair game.

I4: Does this asexual spectrum character want to have kids? How does their asexual spectrum identity effect that if they do? (adoption, etc.)

I5: Why does asexual spectrum representation matter?

N1: Post about an asexual spectrum OC, either your own, or a friend’s (with their permission). Both fanwork and original work OCs are welcome! 

N2: What kind of familial expectations does this character experience that interacts with their asexual spectrum identity?

N3: Post about an asexual headcanon.

N4: Does this character have any mentors or friends (aspec themselves or otherwise) who help them with understanding or coming out as their asexual spectrum identity?

N5: What is this character’s relationship with their asexual spectrum identity? Are they out and proud? Is it a big part of their life?

G1: Post about this character’s family, either found family, or blood relations.

G2: Post about an instance where this character being asexual spectrum was to their advantage. Did they help their friends escape hungry sirens? Evade the infamous Star Trek sex pollen?

G3: How does this character show their aspec pride?

G4: Recommend a fanfic with an asexual spectrum character.

G5: Post about a character you headcanon as asexual and aromantic.

O1: Post about the character making a discovery about their asexual identity. 

O2: Post about a canonical Grey-Asexual or Demisexual character.

O3: Post about a character you headcanon as asexual and alloromantic.

O4: Post about a character you headcanon as asexual and demiromantic/grey-aromantic.

O5: How does being asexual spectrum affect this character’s relationships?