#aren’t the French generally considered pessimistic?

[sisididis]

If I were to start all over again in a Spanish-speaking country, I’d probably choose Buendía as my family name.

[sprawa-przybyszewskiej]

I would like to present (extremely briefly; it's more of an invitation to their thoughts rather than anything else) two approaches that touch on a creative technique used by Przybyszewska, which has been spotted by some of her scholars, albeit each in its own way. Ewa Graczyk maintains that Przybyszewska did not write a historical drama in any way, but rather described a completely different reality, an universum in which the same events happen, but which doesn't take place on Earth, with us in it. She describes, then, something which I call The French Revolution', taking after mathematics' nomenclature. Kazimiera Ingdahl, on the other hand, spots traces of gnostic and manichean ideologies in Przybyszewska's writing, which, as we all know, are based solidly on the contrast between Heaven and Hell, knowledge and numbness, soul and mind. I mention them here solely to point out there is a dualism in her works, it is important and easily recognizable.

I have nowhere near the amount of erudition these scholars do, so I will constrict myself to some more visible matters. In my previous post about Antoine, I've made a remark that stuck with me for far longer than I had expected, and so I decided to elaborate on it.

The passage I'm talking about is this: because it could potentially reveal Saint-Just as another Danton-like minded individual, looking for power for himself through sacrifices of others. I want to explore whether Przybyszewska really did construct both of them alike?

To me it appears very probable, as crazy as it sounds. First of all, ALL of the personages are created in some reference to Robespierre. He is the only singular, original mind amongst them all, not to mentoin an axis around which other revolve, and so all of them, whether we like it or not, are somewhat similar to each other. Second of all, she clearly went in the direction of mirroring certain scenes, ideas, expressions (which I personally love to track down and compare them later), and it's exactly the same when talking about certain individuals. The two pairs (Robespierre – Saint-Just and Danton – Desmoulins) come to mind right away. They are constructed as parallels at least in some aspects and at least to some extent.

Wouldn't that, however, put Saint-Just and Desmoulins on the same/similar level, aren't they the ones who creat a parallel pair? Well, yes and no. I think they are a unit when it comes to personal matters, for rather obvious reasons. But I also think they are both put in similar situations, and yet their thinking is polar opposite of each other. They are both allowed to Robespierre's most personal sphere, and yet their reactions are completely different, which is one among the reasons as to why one of them meets a sad end by all accounts, and the other can die somewhat happy (as I will always mantain: if Przybyszewska managed to finish Thermidor, I am one hundred percent sure she would depict Antoine as one dying boldly and proudly, if only beause he died for a great cause and alongside Robespierre). On the other hand, spiritually and mentally, Camille resembles Maxime way, way more than Danton. They are both... maybe not exactly soft, but emotional. The main difference between them is Maxime is able to rein his feelings in when necessary (again, not always, not completely; vide his late night visit at Desmoulins', vide his attempt and saving him from the Luxembourg Palace), but as far as differences go, this one is actually minor. They are put in different positions, but their reactions are similar.

I would also wager to say Saint-Just and Robespierre don't have that much in common with each other in the plays, leaving out their political stances and their relationship. They are very different in terms of character traits: Maxime is more forgiving, calmer, quieter in all aspects. Antoine is more of a quicksilver, and also is regarded more as a tool in Maxime's hands, which I mean in the best way possible. While he has his own opinions, sometimes quite different to that of Robespierre's, he only entertains them in Maxime's presence, so that no one can put a splinter between them and turn them against each other. When they are turned against each other (during their quarrels, yes, but also during Thermidor, which is a beautiful study of such a case), he defers to Maximilien humbly and holds no grudges against him. This is pretty much the only soft side he ever presents to the audience, for when facing any other characters, he is sarcastic  if not downright hostile, the only exception I can think of being Eleonore. He's not gentle, not even with Robespierre whom he respects so much.  (I cannot get over how badly Wajda interpreted this in his movie, where in his very first scene Antoine brings Maxime an apple-tree branch in full blossom; while a sweet gesture, it made little sense, for the director not only didn't establish their special bond in any way, cutting their very important scene in Act II and a lot of their exchange of words in Act V out, but completely ignored the fact that in the play they did talk about trees blossming, but it was Maxime who pointed this out to Antoine. Honestly, it would make much more sense if in the movie he was the one giving Antoine flowers; altough I don't trust it would be executed well, so perhaps the best scenario would be to drop it altogether.)

This leaves Antoine and Danton as the unlikely pair. Here I wouldn't necessarily say they are put in different positions (following my train of comparison), because – depending on if you believe the confrontation between Danton and Robespierre to be honest or not – there is enough evidence in the play to mantain both of them want to  establish power over nation through Robespierre. Danton is the villain of the play, but he isn't blind, he too wants to use Maximilien as a face of the dictature, as a tool to obtain more "normal" power for himself (normal power here would equal to money, respect, high office; the "abnormal" power is what Robespierre sort-of-dreams-of, an influence over people to direct them into doing what is necessary for the good of the whole of the nation, or better yet, the world). And Antoine wants more or less the same thing, the exception being he doesn't care at all for personal gains. He doesn't necessarily believe in Robespierre's visions of the future, one could even argue he doesn't understand them (this is clearly shown in Thermidor, where he reacts with a headache once Robespierre unfolds his plan in front of him: Stop it, Maxime. I can't keep up with you anymore.); he does, however, see the neccesity of establishing the dictature or some other extraordinary mean to obtain the total power over the state. Both he and Danton are blessed with a far-fetching political vision, the only thing differentiating them from Robespierre is that he's a much more brilliant chess player than any of them, when they can see few moves forward, he's already seen all the possible outcomes of the match. And all of these outcomes are bad, for Maxime is characterised as a pessimist, while Antoine and Danton are, generally speaking, optimistically inclined. Youthful foolishness indeed, except Antoine is not foolish! He's just optimistic. In Danton, the optimism takes a form of boldness and bravado, in Saint-Just it manifests as an unwavering faith in the one he considers to be so much more superior to himself, and also a certain amount of contempt for the ones he considers to be inferior. This is another trait he shares with Danton, and we have to admit, Przybyszewska did a really good job at presenting the same trait in them both in such different ways, that we like one, hate the other.

There is also the matter of how they treat Camille and what they think of him. Here, both are jealous, I think. Jealous of the special place Camille has in Robespierre's heart, scornful of his abilities as a politician and a journalist, disinclined to him as a person. Danton cares for him as far as his utility in being a leverage on Robespierre goes, but I don't think he hoards any warm feelings for him personally, and I don't say it only because he was willing to sacrifice Camille purely out of spite. A much better example to show what I mean is that Danton seems to have a much better functioning, more honest and professional relationship with Delacroix than with Camille, whom he keeps in the dark about absolutely everything from start to finish. I don't know if it was meant to be a symbol or not, but in their very last scene in the jail cell, Camille has to beg Danton not to snuff out the candle, which Danton does, albeit very reluctantly. In turn, Saint-Just talks about Camille in language dripping with contempt and jealousy of purely personal kind, offending him left and right, right to Robespierre's face – not to hurt Maxime, but to "open his eyes", so to speak. In one particularly harsh sentence he compares Camille to a dog, a child and a prostitue all in one breath. He not only doesn't regard him as an opponent, but barely recognizes him as a human being worth respect, in which he is sadly very similar to Danton.

Weirdly enough, they both regard Maximilien as human, which I think is interesting to notice. It would be really easy to write them in such a style that leaves way for them to see Robespierre as something more, something almost extraterrestrial, somebody who posseses abilites greater than normal humans do. And yet:

The first image is from The Last Nights of Ventose, my own translation, and it's directly from Antoine's compassionate speech. I didn't include Robespierre's response, because he just deflected, but deflection does mean he doesn't fully agree, so it's yet another similarity.

One more thing that comes to mind in a comparison like this is that Danton threatens Robespierre with the ultimate power. He doesn't think that Maxime will be able to live with it, with himself, if he ever decides to go this one step futher and become a dictator. Is this is because he wouldn't be able to live with himself, or does he truly underestimate Maxime, or he simply wants to make sure Maxime would not go in this direction precisley because he knows he would then be ustoppable? How very telling then, that in Antoine's mouth the very same thing is not a threat, but a promise! This ultimate power is born out of necessity, and it's a grace for the whole nation, because no other person could bear the weight of this "crown", but Maxime.

The main difference between Saint-Just and Danton, I think, is something which we have to believe, it's not written clearly anywhere, and this is also the thing I briefly touched uppon in the aforementioned post: we have to believe that Antoine has pure intentions, because we sure know Danton does not. These were the embers fueling the suspiscion in Maxime when he couldn't understand why Antoine would possibly push for the dictature so much – is his heart pure? This sounds overly dramatic, perhaps, but I think this dramaticism aligns perfectly with Maxime's overall characterisation. I think all readers believe in his good intentions, and the parallels constructing the characters help immensely in this judgement, for if Danton is rotten to the core, Antoine is as steady and pure as a marble column. Robespierre even calls one a pig, while the other deserves to be named an Apostle of liberty.

There is, however, another similarity between them, too. Both Antoine and Danton are willing to be dishonest in order to achieve their goals. This is this one thing that's hard for Robespierre to swallow, for he – like Camille – values honesty really highly and if he could, he'd always act honestly. Saint-Just, not to mention Danton, has no such scrupules. He sees the greater necessity as something erasing all other circumstances, and for this greater picture he is willing to sacrifice some of his integrity as a human being. With Danton, the situation is even less complex, for I don't believe he would be sacrificing his integrity in any way – this dishonesty lays at his very core and comes natural to him.

The arguments Saint-Just presents, and which differs from Robespierre's point of view, are also different from that of Danton's. Danton's vision of the present is filled with contempt for the people, for the masses who are less brilliant than him and few others are. It is worth noting that Przybyszewska really did think like this, this is something she believed in and while reading Danton's speeches in Act II Scene 3, what we actually hear is her own train of thoughts. The only difference is that she didn't disdain the people they way he did. She thought that being a mass, an unnamed pulp of flesh is not a bad thing (it was perhaps unfortunate, and I am sure thinking she was a genius like Robespierre helped her in maintainign this view). Base material is a nourishment for those who will lead these masses. We – the lesser people – are absolutely necessary for them – the greater ones – so that they can lead us out of the night and into the new epoch of enlightement, and there is nothing humiliating in being this nourishment/tool/base. Danton understood it only partially, for he wasn't ready for the greatest sacrifice of all: to be a genius, one has to get rid of everything personal, all needs and desires must be kept aside, and never again spoken of. Robespierre understood it, and I think Antoine did too. I think the best evidence for it is that he said, that he doesn't consider himself to be Robespierre's equal. Recently I hoped to prove it was a silent declaration of love; now I want to point out it is one because it showed Robespierre that Antoine understood this great sacrifice one has to make in order to be a leader, and in his own way, he has already done this. He has brushed aside personal vain and glory, his amour-propre, he degraded himself in order to magnify Maxime's importance. Danton may say: It's you whom I adore, but it is Antoine who shows it through his actions as well as his words.  

[angstyaches]

All the even numbers of the 100 oc question thing for Payton pls

Milo, darling, thank you! I’m gonna pop these under a cut because it got to almost 3,000 words 😂🖤

2. Do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? What things would you talk about?

Oh god, thinking about this is stressing me out. I’m awkward when meeting anyone for the first time, so we’d probably just be painfully polite to each other and talking about the weather and - agh, no. Don’t make me do it!!

4. Is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? What is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life?

They’re somewhere down the middle. They jumped off a cliff into freezing cold water even though they can’t swim well, because their (now ex) girlfriend wanted to do it.

6. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why?

A lot. Even if they’re wearing something boring like sweat pants and a t-shirt, they’ll have chosen it with careful consideration. Their gender dysphoria shifts so that some days they want to present as masculine, others as androgynous, and choosing the right clothes is their sole way of feeling mildly comfortable.

8. What kind of flavours does your oc like? How much spice can they handle?

Payton has an arguably basic palate, and likes simple and bland(ish) foods. They can handle spice pretty well too, so long as it’s not in huge amounts. 

10. What are some of your oc’s pet peeves? How do they handle it when the annoyance doesn’t stop?

Payton gets antsy when they know that other people know a secret and they don’t. Even if it’s nothing to do with them, or with anything they care about, it eats away at them. They get a little whiny and keep badgering people with guesses until they find out what’s going on.

They also hate it when customers at the coffee shop come up to the counter and say “The usual!”, as though they’re the only customer who regularly comes in and orders the same drink. Payton rarely loses their smile when talking to a customer though, and will only complain about it in private later.

12. How well would your oc handle being placed in a leadership position?

Considering they’re a Grade A Pushover, not very well. Payton would get overwhelmed by everyone else’s ideas and needs, and be unable to make a decision knowing they can’t please everyone.

14. What is your oc’s speech like? How loud are they usually? Do they have an accent or a stutter?

Payton is very soft-spoken until they’re made to laugh or feel some other strong emotion, and at that point their voice gets a little high-pitched. (I’m gonna skip the accent bit because I haven’t settled too much on the geography portion of Lucyverse lol)

16. How affectionate is your oc? How do they convey their affection? By being touchy, or through more subtle ways?

Fairly affectionate, and usually good at picking up on when someone needs reassurance. They’ll usually be verbally affectionate, even though they themself are often in need of physical touch.

18. How physically strong is your oc? Is their agility or endurance better?

Payton is relatively fit, but not particularly strong or fast. They’re the kind to enthusiastically begin a brisk walk up a mountain trail, but be complaining of sore legs fifteen minutes in.

20. Does your oc have any favourite games to pass the time? What other hobbies do they have?

Payton sometimes plays chill, open-ended video games like Minecraft or the Sims. They also play a little electric guitar and watch a lot of old movies.

22. How easily does your oc fare in the sun? Do they tan or burn easily? Are they completely unaffected?

Payton already has slightly dark skin, but they tan a little more if they’re in the sun for a very long time.

24. Is your oc a romantic, or are they grossed out by the simple mention of anything romantic?

A hopeless romantic, but very shy about it. Will have a million ideas for how to impress Autumn, but will be too embarrassed or afraid of things going wrong to actually put them into action.

26. How does your oc sleep? Do they move around a lot? What position does your oc normally sleep in? What are their typical bedding arrangements like?

Payton is a deep sleeper unless there’s something on their mind, in which case they jolt awake several times with tense joints and grinding teeth. If alone, they lie on their stomach with one arm under the pillow, blanket pulled all the way up, but if they’re with Autumn, they like to spoon (either as big or little; as a couple, they switch it up a lot).

28. How organized is your oc? How important is organization to your oc?

Organised enough that they couldn’t be classed as messy, but disorganised enough that they will break into a momentary cold sweat if asked to locate something quickly. 

30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist?

Payton is often too empathetic. They wouldn’t really put themself in an “adopting” or “protecting” role, but goes out of their way to make sure the people around them feel heard and understood.

32. How judgemental is your oc? Do they keep an open mind about people, or are they the type to judge a book by its cover?

They try not to make any assumptions about people, but find it difficult sometimes when they meet so many customers in a day and don’t receive any information besides their appearances and their coffee orders.

34. Does your oc have a pet? If they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? How well could they care for it?

They do not, but they would get a tank of tropical fish if they had more space and more income. They would take amazing care of them, and would probably even make an Instagram account for the tank.

36. What is your oc’s fight or flight response like? What sorts of things provoke it the most?

They would lean towards flight, and it would kick in if they were being threatened or verbally abused, or if the situation was just getting too much to bear in general.

38. What does your oc do to relax? Any specific activities? Why?

Payton enjoys baths after particularly stressful days, just because it’s private and they can pretend time doesn’t exist for a little while. They can also get their mind off of things by watching or creating something.

40. What languages does your oc know? Are there any they want to learn but haven’t had the chance to? How good are they at picking up new ones?

English and secondary school-level French. They have a slight grasp of Urdu because of their Pakistani grandmother who they were close with growing up, but they can understand it more than they can speak it.

42. Is your oc an optimist or a pessimist? Any particular reason why?

Payton is more a realist, because while they would love to be an optimist (and sometimes they are, if they can’t help themself), they’ve had too many disappointments in life to let themself get carried away.

44. How violent is your oc? Or are they more a pacifist? To what lengths will they go to start/avoid a conflict?

Pacifist. Unfortunately, they’ll often change their opinion or stance in order to diffuse a situation, buckling under pressure if they think things will escalate into a fight.

46. Does your oc lie a lot, or is the truth very important to them? What is their reaction to other people lying to them?

The truth is important to them, but they also realise the damage it can do if it’s shared at the wrong time. They really don’t like being lied to though, as they then overthink about how stupid they must have looked while they were believing the lie.

48. What are your oc’s nervous tics? Are they aware of them? Do they attempt to hide them?

Payton scratches or rubs their neck a lot when they’re anxious, which they’re sometimes aware of, but aren’t too self-conscious about.

50. How attentive is your oc? How perceptive are they? How easily do they get distracted?

They’re attentive to the people around them, and fairly perceptive of other people’s needs, until they feel overwhelmed or exhausted, and then they’ll get easily distracted by a stray train of thought.

52. In what ways does your oc cope with anger? How easily angered are they? Do they lash out?

Payton rarely lashes out, but will get emotional if their anger simmers for too long without being resolved. They’re more likely to grieve the end of something thanks to anger, than fight for it and risk failing.

54. How would you describe your oc’s voice to sound like? Do you have any voice claims for them?

As I said before, Payton is soft-spoken but with a slightly high-pitched voice when it’s raised. I don’t know about any voice claims.

56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why?

Their favourite colour is orange! I think orange is a good colour to represent them too because it’s bright but at the same time it’s a deep, intense colour.

58. How would you describe your oc’s appearance to someone who’s looking for them? What features would be most identifiable?

5″8, dark hair, long bangs (probably) covering one side of their face (unless they’re at work), eyebrow piercing.

60. How good is your oc at keeping track of time? Are they always late, always early, or always right on time?

Payton keeps fairly good time, since they really don’t like the idea of making anyone wait around for them.

62. How quick is your oc? Do they have faster or slower reflexes? What things are they quickest at?

Payton works quickly, and gets customers’ orders made in very good time, but if they’re asked to change tasks halfway through completing another, they get serious mental whiplash and slow down a lot.

64. Which of the seven deadly sins does your oc fall under most? What about the seven heavenly virtues?

Envy, and Charity. (Sounds very contradictory actually!)

66. What sort of advice would people go to your oc for? What sort of advice is your oc actually good at giving?

Even though they don’t outwardly look like a style guru, they’re the one that their friends go to if they want advice on an outfit, or on a tattoo or piercing they’re thinking of getting. They’re also good at giving advice on drama and relationships, since they’re able to put themself in other peoples’ shoes.

68. What sorts of things would cheer your oc up when they’re down? Is your oc sad often, or is it more rare?

Food. Just feed the sad Payton, they’ll be okay. They’re sad less often when they get together with Autumn and sort everything out with Donnacha.

70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why?

All they would want to do is slow down time so they can keep working at the coffee shop and take all the time they need to decide about what career they want to follow afterwards.

72. What is your oc’s ideal environment like? Urban or natural? Fancy or rustic? What’s the weather like?

It would be an urban oasis type of place, like a little park in the city, with a fountain or a space for street performers to put on shows. Nothing fancy or stylish needed. I’m picturing late autumn evening, the sun just dipping behind the buildings and treetops.

74. How would your oc act when drunk? What about when really, really tired?

Payton doesn’t actually drink, but if they did, they would get really clingy and affectionate at first, but quickly dissolve into crying. And actually, tired (or hungry) Payton is more or less the same, but on a less dramatic scale.

76. What is/was your oc’s relationship with their family like? Was it happy, tense, or abusive? What living family does your oc currently have, if any?

Payton was raised by their aunt and uncle, who they had a decent but not overly close relationship with. They never felt understood in that household, but never unsafe either. Their living family members are their aunt and uncle, and their two cousins.

78. How socially skilled is your oc? Are they good at understanding social cues? How charismatic are they?

They’re extremely charming at first meeting

80. What is your oc’s handwriting like? How easy to read is it? Can they write/read cursive?

Payton has very tidy cursive handwriting that most people can read easily. They used to dot their I’s with little bubbles instead of dots when they were younger, and they sometimes do it by accident if they’re not paying attention.

82. What would be your oc’s ultimate dream vacation? Where would they go? Who would they take with them? What would they do?

As long as they could explore a new place and learn about a new culture, they would be set. Egypt, Vietnam, and Iceland are all on their bucket list. They’d love for Autumn to go with them, but they’re not opposed to traveling alone if it was in a country where they’d feel safe.

84. Is your oc more masculine, feminine, androgynous, or something else entirely?

It literally depends on the day.

86. What would someone assume about your oc based on their appearance? Would those assumptions be correct?

People might assume Payton is shy and probably a bit rude, since they tend to hide a lot of their face with their hair and keep their head down, but as soon as they start talking, people realise they’re actually really friendly and kind.

88. Does your oc hold grudges? For how long? Does your oc have any rivals?

No, Payton doesn’t see the use in holding grudges and just sees it as a waste of energy. When a friendship ends over a mistake or a betrayal, they grieve the relationship and then try to let it go.

90. Does your oc have any objects they could never give up? Why is it so important to them? Do they have any family heirlooms?

They have a shoebox of random mementos, including a friendship bracelet and a note from their first girlfriend, a necklace given to them by their grandmother, rocks from the beach and pressed flowers, their first phone (a purple flip-phone), some photo negatives; just some things they feel attached to, some for inexplicable reasons.

92. What trait does your oc appreciate or admire the most in others? Why?

They appreciate passion in others. It doesn’t have to be something big, like Autumn’s love for theatre, Lucy’s desire to unmask the face of reality itself, or Donnacha’s love of flying, because they also recognise Henry’s insatiable hunger for discovering the good in people, and how their boss Jake carefully manages his staff despite the fact that coffee shop manager was never his dream or ideal job.

94. Does your oc rely more on a logical or emotional mindset? What situations would this be the opposite?

A bit of both, in that they would consider other people’s emotions and try to find a logical way to satisfy everyone’s needs (or as many people’s needs as possible). They might lean more heavily on logic if Payton themself was the only person involved and they had nothing else to go on.

96. Describe your oc in three words. What three words would they use to describe themselves?

My words: comfortable, endearing, and unforgettable. Their own words: hard-working, approachable, and (a little) annoying.

98. Is your oc the type to have a lot of fairly good friends, have a small group of close friends, have one or two best friends, or have no friends at all? Who are they closest to?

In school, they had no close friends, aside from their (then) girlfriend, mainly because they never felt like they fit into any of the cliques that kids tend to form. But they were still someone that classmates would occasionally talk to, they would still be invited to major parties, and would always find someone to sit with if they were in need of company. Aside from Autumn, they would say that Lucy is their closest friend, but after living with Henry and Donnacha for almost two years too, they would be extremely devastated if they lost them.

100. Does your character ever swear? How often? How vulgar is their swearing?

Payton doesn’t swear, which is pretty fucking unusual for one of my OCs, huh? (See what I did?)

[inquisitorsnappy]

5, 48, 67, 96 for teagan! ❤️

aaaa hello thank you for asking me things, mac!!

5 - What’s their reputation like? Does this reputation contrast what they’re really like? 

most people that know her expect her to be kind and quiet but also a little mischievous and egotistical. she can be pretty prone to snarky comments and talking herself up in casual conversation but very rarely antagonises someone unless given reason to. there are two general responses to her; either they think she’s as kind and earnest as she seem or they look further into the snark and mischief and how quiet she can be and assume she’s a bit of a bitch in sheep’s clothing. the former impression is the one that is more accurate since teagan does generally want to be kind to the people around her and doesn’t really try and hide much. 

48 - How dramatic are they?

oh teagan can be Very dramatic when she wants to be. usually if she’s being like that, it’s probably her deliberately being melodramatic for a laugh but she can also be pretty dramatic in serious situations too, especially if she’s feeling at all angry or pessimistic. she Will make a big deal about it.

67 - What’s an outrageous story about them nobody believes?

when the evil seed occurred in 1583, it deeply effected her despite being thousands of miles away. that part people believed; everyone that knew of it knew that the evil seed spread across the entire word. the part people had a very hard time wrapping their head around was that she was saved from becoming malfested by a hooded man with a scythe. the idea that someone can be saved from that fate is far from universally believed, it instead being considered a sentence to madness and death by most. so when she opens up with that, people aren’t inclined to believe her and by that point, anyone who doesn’t believe her is more than prepared to dismiss the rest of the story. so they miss the amnesia and cursed to die unless she seals literal tears in reality part. although, people do tend to believe her about the amnesia.

honestly, a lot of things that have happened in her life would sound absurd to the average person. only people who know her or are familiar with how Soul Edge and Soul Calibur can impact people accept what she says at face value and even then, there is sometimes doubt in a few people’s minds. teagan tends to avoid talking about her more complicated life details to most people for this exact reason; she Knows she’s gonna get some odd looks from whoever she’s talking to and doesn’t want to deal with it. and also on a slightly related note, she ended up talking to raphael (french bastard with some crazy plans to protect his daughter) about some documents that azwel wrote and he seemed Very interested in the Conduit mentioned in them (i.e. her) which made her realise that it would also potentially be risky to just blab about those things. so she just keeps things to herself unless given a reason not to.

96 - What’s their sense of humour like? (Dad jokes, morbid humour, basic knock-knock jokes, stand up comedy, etc)

generally very sarcastic and occasionally morbid. teagan does self-deprecate and joke about her own shitty circumstances - casually talking about how she thinks she’s unlucky and probably cursed - in an almost jokey way at times that can concern some people. but she’ll only joke about her own bad time, not other peoples’. other than that, she just tends to be sarcastic and occasionally make witty quips at people, especially in a friendly sparring match. she doesn’t actually make many jokes herself and when she does, it can catch some people off-guard if she’s been mostly quiet up to that point. teagan also finds deadpan and absurdist jokes pretty funny.

ask me questions about my teagan!! (question list | askbox)

[rockshortage]

*Cracks knuckles* Ow. Let's see, how about: A6, 16. B1, 12. C1, 2, 3, 5, 8. D4. E2, 3, 7. F2, 5, 10, 12 (Sorry, but also not sorry) I6. L1, 2, 4, and 9 :)

hoo boy that took a while

A6) Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”

Ah, he questions himself a lot. Maybe he wasn’t listening well enough because he was too distracted by being anxious? Maybe he misinterpreted this event, because his background knowledge on it was lacking, he doesn’t know the full story and opinions from all sides, he’s not sure he can form a well educated opinion on this--

A16) Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first?

Hector needs to do it himself for Science, because how else is he to truly know, if not from his own personal experience? Trusting what people tell you is good and all but gathering data yourself is better.

Unless we’re talking about raider politics, in which case there’s not really a good way for Hector to gather data without seriously endangering him and friends, so he’ll just listen to Gage.

B1) Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Generally, he believes it’s necessary to give people respect before you can expect it in return. He learns that many people do not in fact think the same way. He’ll still want to extend basic courtesy to them even if they’re assholes, unless they disrespect/piss him off to the extremes, or if their actions threaten his position and in turn the well-being of himself and friends.

B12) Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they can’t just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do?

Have a back and forth about it in his head – ah it’s not so bad it’s still fine, but then again he really wanted it differently… but he doesn’t wanna bother them and be entitled about it, but man… :( Might get close to pointing it out but chances are slim that he’ll actually get someone to correct the order. It’ll be disappointing but he’ll eat it.  

C1) Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Eeeh, not a super strong one. His baseline are general societal morals and norms, like… help person good, kill person bad. Most of the time he’ll base his actions on what feels right for him and for his friends. He’ll consider: will doing this make me feel bad afterwards? Will it have a negative impact on other people, who don’t deserve it? Is that consequence worth it because it saves my own skin or helps/protects my friends?

C2) Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?

Bringing back the point about sacrificing for the greater good. He’d consider that the morally right thing to do because it impacts fewer people negatively. But making that sacrifice endangers his friends, whose lives for him personally are worth much more than an abstract crowd of people. So he chooses to not do the thing for the greater good and save his friends instead, and yes, he would feel very bad on the one hand, because oh boy. As far as most people are concerned, he did a horrible terrible thing and was extremely selfish and absolutely chose wrong. But on the plus side, and that’s a very big huge plus- he still has his friends. And still having his friends makes him feel less bad than how he would have felt if he didn’t have his friends anymore.

So uh… yes and no.

C3) Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own?

More or less. He can’t hang out well with people he completely disagrees with in every way, of course that’s not going to work. But Hector is… how to say… kinda boring when it comes to ideals and opinions and all that stuff. He just doesn’t have very strong ones in general. Which can make him a little bland and potentially spineless, but also pretty agreeable. As long as they don’t constantly shove their great big opinions in his face, they’ll get along well enough.

C5) Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

I think I kind of answered this in C2. Basic morals do get thrown out the window if friends are threatened, or if he gets pissed off enough. He’d have to be really pissed off though. As well as being post having-grown-a-spine(-at-least-partially). Hurting people bad but being insufferable to Hector also bad so guess what fucker

C8) Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

Again a little tricky because I’m having trouble coming up with a scenario that would help me make up my mind with a definite answer. I’m leaning more towards a practical approach 1) because Hector is more of a realist/pessimist in general, 2) he doesn’t want to like… be overly demanding

D4) Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

The more he thinks about it the more meaningless life seems to get for someone like him. Solution: don’t think about it! Repress that shit because it’s not like you can do anything about it anyway. Also an involuntary solution but one that helps nonetheless: have shit memory so that you don’t feel like you’ve lived too many lifetimes.

If you were to ask him, the answer you get completely depends on the headspace he’s in at the moment. If he’s just vibing, going about his day and things are going well then yeah! Immortality isn’t so bad. If you catch him on an off day, things aren’t going so well, maybe he just thought about having to deal with losing his friends eventually… then you obviously get the opposite answer.

E2) Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera)

I know I talked about this before and I grouped them from strong to medium to weak but I can’t for the life of me find the post anymore (thanks tumblr for your useless garbage search and tagging features). So I can’t even check if I’m still on the same wavelength with past me :v

From strongest to weakest we have…

Logical-mathematical

Spatial

Linguistic

Bodily-kinesthetic

Musical

Naturalist

Interpersonal

Existential

Intrapersonal

E3) How many languages do they speak?

Three… and a half.

The half language being Swiss German, because I don’t know what the fuck it is even after graduating from language uni

The others: Standard German, English, and French, from strongest to weakest.

E7) Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous?

Yes, yes, and yes. He’s very good at taking notes considering most of science is documentation. And even now when he’s not doing a lot of Formal Science things, he still writes in his journal almost daily, summing up events and making notes of important things. He gets nervous with tests with all the self doubt if he really prepared well enough and the unpredictability of the questions that will be asked, but once the pen is in his hand, he just blazes through it.

F2) What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

Someplace underground, safe and sturdy like a vault. Industrial aesthetic is welcome and he wants to have plenty of space, but it shouldn’t feel huge and empty. Needs to be homey, even if it might feel a little rustic to the average person. Having it built into a mountain would be sick, so he still has the perfect protection from the sun, but he doesn’t have to crawl out of a hole in the ground like some kind of worm – instead he opens the door and gets the most amazing view immediately.

… and I promise, only after writing the above did I remember that he pretty much lives in a mountain already, just a plastic one. Close enough.

F5) How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

Quite handy indeed. He can fix most things, he usually just needs some time to (re-)familiarize himself with the object and its functions. A lot of it also involves trial and error, but he’ll figure it out eventually.

F10) Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

He’d actually be really good at pen/pencil drawing, what with making technical illustrations and blueprints of Science Stuff, but it’s not a skill that’s applied in an artsy setting. When the goal is to draw for the sake of drawing, evoking emotion, or paint with a brush, that’s probably when shit would fall apart. I can’t remember who the artist was, but it reminds me of this little comic about Paladin Danse – in which he’s extremely good at technical drawings but then he attempts to draw a dog and it just looks…wrong.

Now with music, he’s more likely to engage in it in an artful way. He likes to sing, even if he very rarely does it now that he has people around him more often than not. Before, he’d just be alone in his lonely place and sing and scream to his heart’s content, but now he’s too awkward to do it, because someone might hear him. He is pretty good at it though, considering how much alone time he’s had to practice.

F12) Would they enjoy a theme park?

The rides and junk food? Yes absolutely. But the giant crowd and every little consequence it entails, nope, no thank you, he’ll just leave it be.

You bet he’s gonna go on the rides at nuka world though once they got them back up and working, because the crowd isn’t as big as pre-war and he’s the fucking overboss and can skip lines and restrict access to others however he damn pleases.

I6) Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

He can, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it. The first month or so at nuka world he almost exclusively lives off of some shitty nutrient bars. In some scenarios, food just exists as sustenance and not as something to be enjoyed.

In a preferable scenario though, it is to be enjoyed. And I think while he would get bored of it after a while, it’d take longer than for the average person. And even then, he’s just happy he can eat something enjoyable at whatever pace he likes instead of having to scarf down Compressed Nutrient

L1) How have your characters changed since you created them?

He stopped existing in a void, which is a pretty damn big change. Now he has a whole world and other characters to interact with, that contribute to shaping and developing his personality.

L2) What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?

Oof, this is hard. Maybe… getting to know yourself? Accepting change, personal growth?

L4) Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

I’m actually not sure sjdfsdnsv

Like yes he is sweet bean who must be protected, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is a weird little old man. I guess if we can just chill listening to music and he can go off about crustaceans or something and we speak The Horrible Language, why the fuck not

L9) How did you come up with your OC?

Masks cool. Me especially like gas masks. Unhinged science characters also cool. Make generic but still sliiiightly unique design and make it a point to not have him be a young pretty boy character despite having immortality. Add lots of weaknesses to compensate for the immortality. Add science personality things and complete the picture with projections of my own personality. Boom, you’ve got yourself the beginnings of a Hector

[seirioscanis]

{ low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline }

.

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” -- Albert Camus

“We are unusual, tragic, and alive.” -- Dave Eggers

“I have a very childlike rage, and a very childlike loneliness.” -- Richey Edwards

“’Are you implying that shreds of my reputation remain intact?’ Will demanded with mock horror. ‘Clearly I have been doing something wrong. Or not something wrong, as the case may be.’ He banged on the side of the carriage. ‘Thomas! We must away at once to the nearest brothel. I seek scandal and low companionship.’” -- Will Herondale, Clockwork Angel

“Many atrocities have been done in the name of the greater good.” -- Rhysand, A Court of Mist and Fury

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Sirius Orion Black NICKNAMES: Padfoot, Pads AGE: 20 BIRTHDAY: 3 November 1959 GENDER: Demiboy, not that he has the word for that PRONOUNS: he/they

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Walburga Black ( 55 ) FATHER: Orion Black ( 51, deceased ) SIBLINGS: Regulus Arcturus Black ( 18, deceased )

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Samuel Larsen BUILD: Slim and muscular HAIR: Shoulder length and thick, normally kept in a bun HAIR COLOR: Black EYE COLOR: Brown SKIN COLOR: Pale DOMINANT HAND: Right handed, teaching himself slowly to write with his left as well for the hell of it (note: the handwriting is still awful). ANOMALIES: a scar on his upper right lip, ironically a small cluster of star-shaped birthmarks on his left hip (which he hates), a few old cigarette burns on his knees SCENT: leather, old spice, barber shop hair gel, cigarette smoke, motor oil ACCENT: British ALLERGIES: slightly lactose intolerant DISORDERS: Major depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD due to childhood trauma FASHION: Punk rock baby, though probably a bit out of date compared to what muggles are wearing now. He took what he could get during school, and now there’s not enough time in the day to work, be in the Order, and go shopping. NERVOUS TICS: His body becomes more tense, and his eyes dart around the room to search for an exit (or several if possible). He also subconsciously takes a step back from whatever is making him nervous, occasionally messes with his hair to try and act casual (though he does that when he’s bored as well, so it has to be seen with one of the others to be considered a sign of his nerves). If he’s particularly high strung, he’ll lose his nerve completely and lash out, no matter if it’s good or bad for the situation at hand. QUIRKS: Like mentioned above, he messes with his hair a lot when he’s bored, usually pulling it out of its hair tie if up and vice versa if down. He paces when plotting, and purses his lips when he’s thinking considerably. When he’s particularly happy he’ll do a little jump, and he appears to be vibrating a little even afterward. When uncomfortable he’ll try to push that feeling off with either an argument or joke, again no matter whether one of those choices is the wisest at the time.

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Plainview Points Apartments BORN: St. Mungo’s Hospital RAISED: Grimmauld Place, London PETS: n/a

CAREER: Auror-in-Training EXPERIENCE: He was part of the Hogwarts dueling club for two years before being kicked out for unfair sportsmanship. He also got a considerate amount of training in magic from an early age thanks to his family, and his mother in particular taught him a bit of dark magic--or tried to. Not that he would use the dark magic, but if push came to shove... he has a few tricks up his sleeve (or, at the very least, the theory behind some of the darker magics). EMPLOYER: Ministry of Magic

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Order of the Phoenix BELIEFS: Sirius, without a shadow of a doubt, believes that muggleborns and halfbloods deserve to be equal to purebloods. It took him years to believe he was allowed to have that thought process, but he grabbed onto it once he did. Despite the years of unlearning what his family tried to instill in him, it wasn’t all successful. He does still have a superiority complex, and most definitely thinks himself above squibs, muggles, house elves, and so on. It takes more effort for him to respect their opinions as equal to his own, and though he knows that’s wrong, it’s taking a lot longer than he’d like to unlearn that--if he ever can. MISDEMEANORS: Illegal animagus, chase down with James on Elvendork, driving underage on an unregistered motorcycle, his entire list of detentions at Hogwarts FELONIES: Nothing officially on record, so really he’s as innocent as it gets DRUGS: n/a SMOKES: Way too much to be healthy for his lungs ALCOHOL: Not nearly as bad as his smoking habit DIET: Generally unhealthy because he can’t be bothered to cook

LANGUAGES: English, Latin, Spanish, Italian, French, some German

PHOBIAS: Extremely loud noises, snakes, thunderstorms HOBBIES: Causing general mischief, reading what he can get his hands on, doodling (albeit a bit crudely) TRAITS: { + }: loyal, intelligent, observant, quick-witted, sociable { - }: angry, impulsive, insensitive, defiant, pessimistic 

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: Potter Estate, Prewett Household, Hogwarts SPORTS TEAM: Tutshill Tornadoes GAME: Wizard’s Chess MUSIC: Punk Rock, Celestina Warbeck (not that he’d tell a soul) MOVIES: Has hardly seen any, but is fond of action movies FOOD: Thai BEVERAGE: Whiskey or iced tea COLOR: Dark green

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Gryffindor WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core): 8 3/4 inches, slightly bendy, yew, rougarou hair core AMORTENTIA: honeysuckles, vanilla, cigarette smoke PATRONUS: Dog BOGGART: His parents standing over him shouting; recently with Regulus by their side asking why he had to die

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good MBTI: ESTP-T MBTI ROLE: The Entrepreneur

“ ESTPs are energetic thrillseekers who are at their best when putting out fires, whether literal or metaphorical. They bring a sense of dynamic energy to their interactions with others and the world around them. They assess situations quickly and move adeptly to respond to immediate problems with practical solutions. Active and playful, ESTPs are often the life of the party and have a good sense of humor. They use their keen powers of observation to assess their audience and adapt quickly to keep interactions exciting. Although they typically appear very social, they are rarely sensitive; the ESTP prefers to keep things fast-paced and silly rather than emotional or serious. “

ENNEAGRAM: Type 8 ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Challenger

” People of this personality type are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead. When healthy, this tendency is kept under check, but the tendency is always there, nevertheless, and can assume a central role in the Eight's interpersonal relationships. ”

TEMPERAMENT: Choleric

“  The choleric temperament is fundamentally ambitious and leader-like. They have a lot of aggression, energy, and/or passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were choleric. They like to be in charge of everything. However, cholerics also tend to be either highly disorganized or highly organized. They do not have in-between setups, only one extreme to another. As well as being leader-like and assertive, cholerics also fall into deep and sudden depression. Essentially, they are very much prone to mood swings. “

WESTERN ZODIAC: Scorpio

“ Passionate, independent, and unafraid to blaze their own trail no matter what others think, Scorpios make a statement wherever they go. They love debates, aren't afraid of controversy, and won't back down from a debate. They also hate people who aren't genuine, and are all about being authentic—even if authentic isn't pretty. Because of all of these traits, a Scorpio can seem intimidating and somewhat closed off to those who don't know them well. But what people don't realize is that even though Scorpio may seem brusque, as a water sign, they also are very in tune with their emotions, and sometimes may find themselves caught up in their feelings. This leads to Scorpio's central conflict: Their feelings are what drives them and strengthens them, but their mutability can scare them and make them feel vulnerable and out of control. Because of this conflict, Scorpios, like their namesake, the scorpion, put up an outer shell and may seem prickly. But once people get beyond the shell, they find a loyal, loving person whose passion knows no bounds. Scorpio dives into all life has to offer with 110% enthusiasm. A Scorpio will be your most loyal friend, most dedicated employee—and your worst enemy, if they want to be. “

CHINESE ZODIAC: Year of the Pig 

“  Pig is mild and a lucky animal representing carefree fun, good fortune and wealth. Personality traits of the people born under the sign of the Pig are happy, easygoing, honest, trusting, educated, sincere and brave. The possible dark sides the Pig people are stubbornness, naive, over-reliant, self-indulgent, easy to anger and materialistic. They are sometimes regarded as being lazy. “

PRIMAL SIGN: Squid

“  Squids are powerful personalities that can only be ‘checked and balanced’ by themselves. They are highly capable, intelligent individuals who seem to know everything. Generally good natured, they also have a hidden inner dark side which resides deep within themselves. No one is allowed into this secret place, often not even themselves. Squids will even try to bury painful truths within themselves in order to avoid dealing with difficult emotions and situations. “

TAROT CARD: Justice, High Priestess

“ Justice and The High Priestess have in common that everything is accounted for. Justice examines everything for flaws in order to find its flawless essence. The High Priestess knows the secret of everything as it is in order to encompass everything. Justice demands of everything its true nature and essence, with nothing concealed, withheld or distorted. It tirelessly weighs and measures, satisfied with nothing less than the clear, the absolute, and the irreduceable in everything. Justice is adamant and uncompromising with its sword and scales, loud and clear in its redness, fearless and certain on its throne, guarding the entrance to the temple of the secrets of perfection. The High Priestess finds what is the same in everything, the secret unifying core hidden in the endless variation of detail. She patiently discovers in all differences what is true, original and undisturbed in everything. The High Priestess is accepting and inclusive with her scroll and cross, calm and quiet in her blueness, fearless and certain on her throne, guarding the entrance to the temple of final knowledge. Unintegrated and imperfectly realized, Justice can be given to rage and haste; it can become arrogant and hypercritical, aggrieved and vengeful, or uncertain and vacillating. The High Priestess can be a conceited know-it-all, moody and taciturn, secret and unapproachable; she can be despairing and lost, or given to excess and careless of consequences. Together, they dream of the perfect, the ultimate, and pursue it in more than one kind of undertaking. They continuously seek the truth, and in its service they are drawn to esoteric studies and unusual paths. “

TV TROPES: White Sheep, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, In the Blood, Hot-blooded, Good is Not Nice, Cultural Rebel, Badass Biker SONGS: Gasoline, Halsey; The Future Freaks Me Out, Motion City Soundtrack; This is the End (For You My Friend), Anti-Flag; Hate Conquers All, Anti-Flag; Downtempo, Scouting for Girls;

IDEOLOGIES: - Actively cuts out everyone who was part of his childhood unless they’ve somehow proven they can be trusted again; he avoids his family at all costs. - The day he found out he was lactose intolerant, however mild, was a mournful day. He sulked about Hogwarts for about a week. - Legitimately tried to swim to the bottom of the Black Lake and see the giant squid. Never succeeded. - If you bring peanut butter anywhere near him he will chuck it across the room. He hates it. - Genuinely enjoys being a dog more than a human sometimes. Yes, he’s aware of the irony.  - The only people allowed to make puns off of his name are James, Peter, Remus, Lily, and Marlene. He’ll get annoyed at anyone else who tries (also wise to avoid using the word serious around him for the above reason). - Keeps telling himself he’ll quit smoking someday. The likelihood of that actually happening is about slim to none, RIP to Sirius’ lungs.

[dailynewswebsite]

Pessimists have been saying America is going to hell for more than 200 years

At the moment's real pessimism about America's future has very previous roots. Aaron Foster/Getty

Pessimism looms giant in America as we speak. It’s not simply due to Donald Trump, the vicar of concern and violence. It’s COVID-19, a faltering financial system, the rising energy of Russia and China, fires and local weather change – you title it.

Journalists and analysts have launched warnings: American democracy is about to finish; the American century is about to finish; the American period is about to finish. If Trump loses, there’s no certainty that the U.S. will make it to the opposite facet of potential political chaos.

That’s no delusion. The grim situations are a chance, though the likelihood is that america is not going to descend, any time quickly, right into a second Civil Warfare. The presidential election may properly be contested – though the nation will most likely survive intact.

This isn’t the primary time in American historical past that journalists, writers and intellectuals generally have solid a dismal gentle concerning the future. American leaders as properly have usually yielded to despair – which is very notable provided that political leaders are anticipated to be probably the most optimistic of the herd.

Trump marketing campaign official Kimberly Guilfoyle offers an apocalyptic speech on the GOP conference Aug. 24. Olivier Douliery/AFP through Getty Pictures

‘We’re not a selected folks’

Through the early levels of nationwide life, the temper was no totally different. Really, it was even worse.

When Thomas Jefferson realized the implications of grounding a nation upon slavery, his pessimism reached metaphysical, theological heights:

“I tremble for my nation when mirror that God is simply: that his justice can not sleep for ever.”

John Adams, the second president, was equally vulnerable to frequent bouts of pessimism.

“Our nation will do like all others,” he wrote a couple of years earlier than getting into workplace, “play their affairs into the palms of some crafty fellows.”

Then he went via his painful presidency, a single time period solely, which made him much more bitter: “There isn’t any particular Windfall for us. We’re not a selected folks that I do know of.”

Warding off damage

Again then, France and Nice Britain acted like the worldwide superpowers. The “American experiment,” then again, was puny, defenseless, hazardous. Consequently, many leaders believed that solely a structure, plus a stronger central authorities, may forestall damage.

When Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay set off to jot down the well-known 85 papers to influence Individuals to undertake the brand new nationwide constitution, pessimism was considered one of their favourite vocabularies. It was greater than only a rhetorical expedient. These males have been satisfied that society was really teetering on the sting of the abyss.

Individuals would quickly behold “plunder and devastation,” Hamilton wrote. Madison echoed his colleague and conjured a “gloomy and threatening scene into which the advocates for disunion would conduct us.”

The “advocates for disunion” – the antagonist political get together led by James Winthrop from Massachusetts, Melancton Smith from New York and Patrick Henry and George Mason from Virginia – would sap America of all its good vitality. “Poverty and shame,” Hamilton wrote once more, “would overspread a rustic which with knowledge would possibly make herself the admiration and envy of the world.”

On the finish of the 18th century, unfavorable campaigning was already widespread. Political candidates and their acolytes criticized their rivals and conjured photographs of destruction if their rivals prevailed.

If Thomas Jefferson have been elected, one newspaper wrote, ‘homicide, theft, rape, adultery and incest, will overtly be taught and practiced.’ US Nationwide Archives/Getty

If Jefferson have been to be elected, one Connecticut newspaper introduced, “homicide, theft, rape, adultery and incest, will overtly be taught and practiced, the air will likely be lease with the cries and misery, the soil soaked with blood, and the nation black with crimes.”

Political campaigning and statements bordering on exaggeration shouldn’t be taken at face worth. However it’s additionally true that as we speak, like yesterday, a real pessimism about America’s future exists.

A patriotic feat

As a historian of the early republic, I dare say that pessimism is to America what salt is to french fries: with out, it wouldn’t be the identical.

Nevertheless, there are two sorts of pessimism in America, absolute and conditional – a distinction that political scientist Francis G. Wilson laid out way back.

Absolute pessimism is the idea that the nation is an enormous lie, a fraud, a trick that crafty white males have been taking part in on girls, native populations, African Individuals, working courses, immigrants. As such, this nation deserves to be cursed, canceled, sunk, forgotten.

Most leaders, journalists, analysts and historians don’t endorse this type of pessimism. They’re conditional pessimists, as Wilson would label them.

They’re like Jeremiah, the weeping prophet of the Bible. They ship a prophecy of catastrophe as a result of they wish to present a brand new hopeful resolution. They communicate to Individuals’ sense of satisfaction, exhort them, incite them, mobilize them, improve the extent of dedication to a typical trigger and enact a ritual whose upshot ought to be a deeper consciousness.

[Deep knowledge, daily. Sign up for The Conversation’s newsletter.]

To repeat: The worst can occur – is occurring – as we speak, simply because it did 200-something years in the past. That’s why these up to date prophets aren’t delusional conspiracy theorists, or just paranoids.

Their pessimism is reality primarily based. On the similar time, it’s a patriotic feat. Conditional pessimists evoke photographs of turbulence and peril. However they name on America to be its greatest self.

Pessimism, on this case, is optimism by one other title.

Maurizio Valsania doesn’t work for, seek the advice of, personal shares in or obtain funding from any firm or group that will profit from this text, and has disclosed no related affiliations past their tutorial appointment.

from Growth News https://growthnews.in/pessimists-have-been-saying-america-is-going-to-hell-for-more-than-200-years/ via https://growthnews.in

[trbl-will-find-me]

100 Questions: Sally

Sally answers 100 questions honestly. Spoilers through chapter twenty-two of Every Exit, An Entrance.

Part 1: The Basics

· What is your full name?

Sally Élise Royston-Martin. There’s a case to be made for Sally Bradford, though.

· Where and when were you born?

April 28, 2017 outside of Montréal

· Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

My biological parents were Édouard Martin and Stephanie Royston; while they never intended to become XCOM operatives, it’s how they met. Papa, who was trained as a physiotherapist, was XCOM’s first psi operative. Maman came from the intelligence community and served XCOM as a sniper. Both were kind, warm people —- I never doubted I was loved or wanted, even if I wasn’t planned. Papa disappeared shortly before I turned four. Maman was taken from me seven years later.

· Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

There’s just me.

· Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

The Avenger. Technically, the Avengers. It’s complicated.

· What is your occupation?

Sniper/Ring master

· Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

Long auburn hair on the redder shade.  Brown eyes. Pale, small, wiry. About 5’5”. Shrapnel scars on my right shoulder.

· To which social class do you belong?

Uh ... not the rookies?

· Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

The usual assortment of trauma related baggage, but I’d like to think I carry it well.

· Are you right- or left-handed?

Shoot right, write left.

· What does your voice sound like?

I’ve been reliably informed I still carry a French accent when upset. Otherwise, I sound like Maman.

· What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

“Fuck,” “goddamnit,” and “are you kidding me?”

· What do you have in your pockets?

A knife from Uncle Will, a whistle, a set of lockpicks, a few hair ties, a spare ammo clip.

· Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I’m not great with words, so I tend to be physically affectionate with the people I care the most about. I prefer being up high to being on the ground. I hate when people slurp their soup.

Part 2: Growing Up

· How would you describe your childhood in general?

Unconventional, but happy.

· What is your earliest memory?

Napping on Papa’s chest in the barn.

· How much schooling have you had?

No conventional schooling, so to speak, but Maman made sure I could read, write, and do math. Central did his best to give me a good grounding in American history.  Uncle Will is responsible for a lot of my ... more eccentric knowledge. I read just about everything I can get my hands on, too, which helps.

· Did you enjoy school?

I suspect I would not.

· Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

Maman, Central, Will.

· While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

Maman, who never stopped fighting. Uncle Will, who looks concerned every time the topic comes up. And Central. But that’s complicated.

· While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Generally, I got along really well with my parents. It feels a little funny to say that, given that Papa disappeared when I was so young, but it doesn’t feel like a lie. I was very close to Maman and losing her was incredibly difficult. Up until he swan dove off the wagon, I also would have told you I was close with Central, but things on that front are a lot more strained. Will is Will; I think you’ve gotten the picture.

· As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Like Maman. But alive.

· As a child, what were your favorite activities?

We didn’t have a lot of time when I was a kid, but I liked to climb trees and read. As I got older, I grew to like talking to people, picking up new skills, and practicing on whatever makeshift range we had.

· As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

As a little kid, I was quiet. I didn’t really have reason to talk, and the more I talked, the more likely I was to tip my hand about the Gift or XCOM. It was safer to be quiet. I got chattier as I got older, once Maman was gone and controlling my abilities was on me.

· As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

We were on the run a lot. I was good at feigning cute and innocent, so I tended to fly under people’s radar.

· When and with whom was your first kiss?

It was fine.

· Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

It was also fine.

· If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

Psionic family! I was born with the Gift.

Part 3: Past Influences

· What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Ohhhh boy. Maman’s passing? Meeting Central? Uncle Will falling over in the field? I wouldn’t be me if any of those things hadn’t happened.

· Who has had the most influence on you?

Maman, but also Central. And Will (but, again, he looks worried when I talk about that.)

· What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Untangling French and English enough to talk again after Maman passed.

· What is your greatest regret?

I try not to have those.

· What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

I have done some questionable things when faced with starvation or Central going through withdrawal.

· Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

I’m an XCOM operative. Part of the territory with ADVENT.

· When was the time you were the most frightened?

The instant I knew Maman was gone and I was really alone in the world.

· What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

I’ve had liquid come out my nose more times than I can really make an excuse for.

· If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

I want my parents back. If Papa hadn’t disappeared, Maman wouldn’t have gone after ADVENT like she did.

· What is your best memory?

Hard to say. Lots of my early memories aren’t really mine per se, but I’m in there. Life wasn’t easy, but we were happy. Later on, there’s the time Central broke me into the carousel museum. The summer we spent in Portsmouth. Will in the field. There’s other things too, but those are what most immediately come to mind.

· What is your worst memory?

When I found Central drunk off his ass because he’d relapsed.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

· Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

I’m an optimist. I believe that as long as we’re still here, we have a chance. The people we love are worth fighting for.

· What is your greatest fear?

Losing the people I care about. It’s already happened twice and the odds of it happening again are close to 100%.

· What are your religious views?

I don’t care. Pascal’s Wager, I guess?

· What are your political views?

Death to ADVENT.

· What are your views on sex?

Please don’t fuck the vipers.

· Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

Yeah, I’ve killed.

· In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

I’ve seen people do horrible things; I try not to dwell on it too much. Selling out the havens to ADVENT certainly ranks up there, though.

· Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

Yeah, I do. I’ve seen proof.

· What do you believe makes a successful life?

If you’ve found people to share it with.

· How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

Situationally. It depends on the audience and the topic, whether it’s something I’ve come to terms with myself or not. Central used to be the person I went to when I needed someone; it tends to be Regan or Will these days, though Wallace and Kelly have both stepped in.

· Do you have any biases or prejudices?

I don’t look kindly on brewers, distillers, or people who hurt others for no reason.

· Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

I won’t betray the people I care about. I’d rather die than cause harm to them.

· Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

The people I love, a chance to put an end to ADVENT.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

· In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

When I was fifteen, I found of book of Jenny Holzer’s work. There was a quote that stuck with me: “turn soft and lovely any time you have the chance.” Everyone’s got their own shit to deal with. I’d rather not add to it ... unless there’s good reason.

· Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Probably Maman. She may not be here anymore, but she was such a influence on the person I became. I’m fighting this war because it’s what she would have done. I can’t give up now.

· Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

It’s a toss up between Regan and Will. They’ve both overcome a lot to be where they are.

· Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Wallace and Kelly, close to home. I’m lucky enough to have friends among Uncle Will’s people, too.

· Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

Uh, I have a crush or two? Does that count?

· Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

Not enough life experience!

· What do you look for in a potential lover?

Ask me once I’ve had a few.

· How close are you to your family?

My parents are gone, but I was very close to them. Things with Central are a mess, and I’m more upset about that than I necessarily want to think about. As I’ve said, Will is Will.

· Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

No. I’m barely an adult myself.

· Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Will, Central, Regan, Kelly

· Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Regan, Will ... and Central. Regan’s a good commander. Will and Central have already had to answer that particular challenge.

· If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

Uncle Will. And Central. I’d like to think Regan, Kelly, and Wallace, too.

· Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

He’s already dead. I made sure of it.

· Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Depends on the person and situation.

· Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

I’ve got a good head in an emergency, so, sometimes. In general, I prefer not to be the center of attention.

· Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

No; it’s too loud.

· Do you care what others think of you?

In the vast majority of cases, no — I’m the one who has to live with my choices. There are notable exceptions, however. I’d rather chew my own tongue out than disappoint Uncle Will ... or Central.

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

· What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

I like to read and fix things!

· What is your most treasured possession?

There’s a few very important things. I wear Maman’s wedding ring on a chain around my neck, so that’s up there. Central’s St. Christopher (on its fourth war). My bear. The knife from Uncle Will. Papa’s arc thrower.

· What is your favorite color?

Red!

· What is your favorite food?

Uh, so this is weird. I have flashes of other people’s memories —- namely my parents’, but bits of Central’s, too. I have a tremendous fondness for foods I have never eaten and that probably don’t exist anymore: grandmère’s ratatouille, Charlotte Russe, lobster macaroni and cheese. In terms of foods I have actually eaten, chocolate, strawberries, and clementines.

· What, if anything, do you like to read?

I will read anything I can get my hands on. Please, please bring me books.

· What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

I’ve seen a fair number of movies from various sources, and I have memories of my parents’ favorites. I like old black and white comedies a lot, but there aren’t too many left. As for music, I so rarely get to hear it that it’s become a case of all music is good music.

· Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

I don’t drink. Cigarette smoke makes me gag. Drugs would be a fucking stupid idea.

· How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

If I’m not on duty, I like to read, play cards, visit, or spend time on the range.

· What makes you laugh?

Good wordplay. Making fun of Thomas. Gallows humor.

· What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

I thought I was going to throw up the first time I saw the Reapers spitroasting a Chryssalid.

· What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

I roam the ship or read.

· How do you deal with stress?

Shooting practice!

· Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

I fall somewhere in between. Sometimes, I want a plan and I want it to be watertight. Other times, I’d rather just rush in and deal with the fallout as it comes. Overthinking’s a nasty trap.

· What are your pet peeves?

Drinking, people who slurp their soup, unwarranted arrogance

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

· Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

Get up, brush my teeth, put my hair up, work, eat at some point, play cards/read/or chat to relax, shower, bed.  If that changes, it’s because something’s gone wrong; I’m usually too busy handling it to process anything beyond surviving.

· What is your greatest strength as a person?

My belief in something better.

· What is your greatest weakness?

I don’t always see the big picture. At my worst, I leap before I look.

· If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’d be taller.

· Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Introverted.

· Are you generally organized or messy?

Organized, but only I understand the system.

· Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Good: Shooting, cheating at poker, swearing in French

Bad: Judgment, subtlety, dealing with Thomas

· Do you like yourself?

That’s a level of self-reflection I try not to reach.

· What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

Family, loyalty, revenge, hope.

· What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Seeing Earth freed from alien influence.

· Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Hopefully, celebrating a world free of ADVENT.

· If you could choose, how would you want to die?

Old age.

· If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

I don’t know that I’d have the presence of mind to have a good plan. Probably write people notes because saying goodbye is hard. Parcel off my trinkets to the right homes. And, if death is really, really inevitable? Maybe I’d take the DJ up on his advice and go punch a peacekeeper.

· What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

If I go out fighting, I’d better have a pretty badass death — maybe taking an Elder out with me? Otherwise, for the good I did.

· What three words best describe your personality?

Cheerful, loyal, stubborn

· What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Sweet, stubborn, determined

· What advice would you give to another?

If it smells like turpentine, don’t drink it.

[filmista]

Out Of The Past (1947)

“Nothing in the world is any good unless you can share it.”

French director, Jacques Tourneur's ‘Out Of The Past’ has over the years become what’s considered the best Film Noir ever made, though it somewhat disputes over that title with ‘Double Indemnity’, a lot of people find one of the two the best. 

I have however during the time that I’ve been participating in Noirvember (there’s more to cover), obviously quite a few films in the genre, and I can instantly say without hesitation that ‘Out Of The Past’ has been my favorite one that I’ve watched so far.

It’s also save to say that outside the context of Noir and Noirvember, it’s simply one of the best films I’ve had the pleasure of watching, just one of those films that quite simply put leaves you feeling like you’ve just watched something spectacular and well crafted.

it makes me regret that I didn’t take the decision to participate in Noirvember earlier, anyhow it’s wonderful to immerse yourself fully in a genre, discover and learn about it and obviously watch a few films of it.

And Out Of The Past was along with Double Indemnity one of the films that my Cinema History book kept mentioning (probably one of the first books I’d try to save in a fire) and various corners of the internet kept recommending to me. By now I was immensely curious about the film, even so much as its film poster somehow exuded a certain cool.

So later I sat down to watch it. And I think it speaks very positively of the film, that I watched it with someone who’s absolutely not a fan of anything that’s not in color and so-called Classics, but she claims to have had as much fun with this one as I did.

When we were about ten minutes into the film, and the picture starts to craft an air of mystery and intrigue and you already know something’s wrong, she said “I love this”, “It’s already so suspenseful, it’s like one of those cheap detective books”.

And with that, she pretty much hit the nail on the head. I found out that Noir works closely with pulp fiction, which is actually nowadays usually considered quite cheap entertainment, the thing that’s considered a guilty pleasure to read; but they did sometimes have interesting themes in them, and filmmakers saw that and could work with it.

Noir’s a dark and pessimistic genre, it literally means black in French, that its name is European also has its reason, it’s what French critics started to call the genre, but it fits perfectly.

It originated in a pessimistic period, before and until after World war two, many of its directors and stars, we’re Europeans that fled Europe, so while it’s an American genre, it’s safe to say that it’s a genre in which both continents held each other’s hands.

War doesn’t bring out good qualities in humans generally, but even during wartime, people have been known to undertake courageous and goodhearted actions. And the genre, some films more than others reflect that.

Most of them very clearly seem to say the world is rotten and the people, even the ones that don’t know it are bad, sometimes they become forcedly so; but it very has the idea that everyone has the potential to become a bad person, a person capable of double-crossing and murder, murder seems to be written in capital letter M all over the genre.

Yet under all that seeming bleakness, pessimism, hopelessness and darkness, there are glints of hope and hints at the possibility of a happy ending, the tragic thing about the genre is that it’s acknowledged but it doesn’t go there, sometimes because it’s characters just can’t take that route, they just aren’t able to connect, and chose to either save their own skin or will take a route that’s going to going to endanger them.

And what I loved so much about ‘Out Of The Past’ is that it very much has those elements, and becomes in a way almost a retelling of a tragic, doomed to fail love story, only it shouldn’t have been doomed, the characters made it so themselves.

It very much plays with what other  films in the genre also play with, ambiguity between good and bad, and it has as I’ve mentioned all the elements of the genre, a troubled protagonist whose past comes back to haunt him, character’s smoking like chimneys, a femme fatale, pretty night scenes, and a large part of the story taking place in an urban environment.

But still something about this one is unique; as many people have recognized, out of all the Noir I’ve seen in November this is the one that’s really engraved in my memory. Some people say it doesn’t even seemingly look like Noir, at first sight.

It’s too bright and too sunlit, too much of it takes place in sunlight and in pretty surroundings, that have nothing to do with seedy, crime-filled streets of some films in the genre.

Still agreed it’s agreed that it is Noir, as it has in its storyline and in its cinematography typical elements.

But when I myself thought about it more deeply (and I’m not the only one) you can almost say that the film has two parts, one that looks less typically Noir and one that’s more typically so, night scenes, fights, double-crossing, playing with shadows. But amazingly it watches like one cohesive whole.

It might be somewhat of a lighter one in its genre, literally in its lightning, but also as in that it really builds your hope up and for a moment when you’re watching for the first.

You think everything even after the characters has been double-crossing each other like crazy, you still think it’s two lovers have a chance of being together, but then the film makes sure to remind you what kind of film you’re watching.

And that’s what I found so great about it, that it’s two lovers have moments of happiness and you see what could be there, and because of their own doing, it doesn’t happen, and it’s tragically and sublimely sad.

What I truly loved about this one is watching the relationships between characters, and watching Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer act opposite each other, there’s a ton of other actors in there (amongst them Kirk Douglas) but Mitchum and Greer compliment each other perfectly and it’s a joy to watch. Its storyline doesn’t even really matter too much, and it’s a challenge, to sum up...

Mitchum Bailey is a private detective who tries to say goodbye to his job after a few nasty experiences. As a garage owner, he tries to start a new life with his girlfriend Ann (Virginia Huston). His anonymity, however, is short-lived when thug looking Joe Stephanos (Paul Valentine) manages to trace him on behalf of professional gambler Whit Sterling (Kirk Douglas).

Whit was shot some time ago by his beloved Kathie (Jane Greer). Since then, she has disappeared from his life, as well as $ 40,000. Whit wants her and his money back and asks Jeff to go and investigate. Somewhat cautiously, Jeff takes the job, old habits die hard I guess.

He meets Kathie in Mexico. She tells him exactly what’s going on but nothing about the disappeared money. Jeff believes her, falls for the charms of this femme fatale and tells Whit that he was unable to find her. Soon, however, Kathie doesn’t seem as sweet as she looks anymore...

Does Kathie really care about Jeff? Does she love him despite her inability to endure difficult situations for him and despite her fatalistic attitude towards love? 

And how sincere is Jeff towards her? Has he succumbed to her again? These questions haunt your mind while seeing 'Out of the Past'. 

As traditionally in this genre, the riddles around a fateful love remain unclear. Who is lying, who is honest? Nobody can be trusted and that makes watching a film noir of this level is so irresistible.

And as it should be; you don’t get clear answers to all of these questions, and thus as I’ve seen in a lot of reviews, people speculate and come to their own conclusions when watching the film.

You see two interesting directions: In some Jeff is the victim. An innocent man, forced to make bad choices but who didn’t enjoy them, but who fell victim to the whims and seduction of a femme fatale, to them Kathie’s a monster, that tormented an innocent man, and there’s no real effort to look any further.

No one in the genre is entirely innocent, Jeff’s aware he’s being played but still consciously chooses for the woman he knows is no good, he still acted out of free will, no one really forced him into anything.

And then the femme fatale herself, a monster? Or just a flawed human being that made mistakes? As I mentioned when it comes to that, you see people mostly veering in one of these two directions.

Personally I think she’s one of the most brilliant characters in the film; Greer portrays her in a subtle yet confident way, that’s almost dizzyingly exciting to watch, she infuses her role with confidence (the kind of confidence of a woman who knows how beautiful she is) but at other times also a deep vulnerability and even fear.

Throughout the film she’s in a world that surrounds her with violent men she’s afraid of the man that she stole the money from, she believes he’d never leave her alone and would almost certainly come after her, and she turns out to be right. 

You can understand why she stole the money even, she hated the guy's guts and wanted to get away from him, and if you’re running away from a dude with anger issues, why not do it in a place with an agreeable climate? I certainly wouldn’t like hearing this: 

“You're gonna take the rap and play along. You're gonna make every exact move I tell you. If you don't, I'll kill you. And I'll promise you one thing: it won't be quick. I'll break you first. You won't be able to answer a telephone or open a door without thinking, 'This is it.' And it when it comes, it still won't be quick. And it won't be pretty. You can take your choice.”

The exciting element in Greer’s performance comes from, how composed seemingly even cold she seems throughout much of the film, but when you look closer there’s intense emotion, and she remains a riddle, a mystery.

I spent much of the film trying to read her, and she very much has both bad and good at her, she doesn’t regret shooting a man, and when Jeff fights another man, after she speaks the words “why don’t you break his head, Jeff?” she seems almost aroused watching the two men fight, which certainly indicates some twisted personality trait.

But then she also ultimately seems to really love him, as she later in the film goes back to Jeff and gives herself fully over to him, as she chooses to trust him fully, but he is at this point deceiving, maybe still in love with her, but certainly not willing to die for her, and he’s posing himself as more in love than he really is.

But at this time; Jeff has already decided she can’t be trusted, as he told her:  “You can never help anything, can you? You're like a leaf that the wind blows from one gutter to another.” and he’s unwilling to give her a second chance or to forgive, and on that tragic note, both their loveless fates are sealed. So it can also be regarded in my eyes as a tragic love story, maybe Jeff could even be seen as a coward in his inability to forgive in love. 

The big joy in the film, however, is how good Mitchum and Greer are (that and how beautifully filmed it is), while Greer seems to do not much else than bat her big doe eyes with their luscious lashes at Mitchum and make him fall head over heels with her, she has as I said a subtle emotionality, there’s depth to this femme fatale if it isn’t clear, I loved her performance.

And Mitchum’s Jeff has an air of indifferent, unforced cool, and seems to come across almost as if he doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone that surrounds him, as if he’s somehow outside of present events, he only seems to care about either Kathie or ultimately himself.

Mitchum portrays this figure almost perfectly. Like Humphrey Bogart (who was considered for the role, but not even Bogie could be at two places at once ...), he has a certain inner peace about him, which gives him independence and self-confidence.

The man behind this film is French director Jacques Tourneur, who made his name in the United States in 1942 with both the artistically and commercially successful 'Cat People' (which is noted on my list of stuff I want to see). Tourneur was a master in creating the right mood and atmosphere and that skill came in handy when he made 'Out of the Past'.

The typical film noir look - with striking use of shadows and contrast - is certainly present here (the fight scene is a beautiful playing around with shadows as well as the scenes on the beach) but less dominant than in, for example, 'Double Indemnity' (1944). It makes 'Out of the Past' a film that looks pleasant and easy and literally and figuratively is somewhat lighter than its genre and contemporaries. 

Out of the past is a dark, cynical treat with an intelligent script, razor-sharp dialogues and a finale that stays with you. Highly recommended!

“If you're thinking of anyone else, don't. It wouldn't work. You're no good for anyone but me. You're no good and neither am I. That's why we deserve each other.”

[offensivecanoodian]

Tumblr is a place that claims to be so open to all perspectives... “but if you disagree with me I’m blocking you!!!!!”

I can’t believe how immature people are. To get so offended by an alternative view that has justification to back it, that you are literally uncomfortable to the point of blocking someone rather than hearing them or is so fucking stupid. I also genuinely can’t believe that people think the first-world is oppressive towards women. While I won’t excuse inequalities faced by both genders, I think it is so utterly retarded (pardon my French) to assume that western society thrives off of hating women and minorities. There are places where female rape victims are stoned to death for having sex out of wedlock, hell, women just gained the right to drive in Saudi Arabia. There are places where women are forced to cover themselves from head to toe with large sheets, places where women can’t leave their own house without a man escorting them, where women aren’t seen as people. But the WESTERN WORLD is TRULY the epitome of sexism. Yes, because that makes so much fucking sense.

Regardless, I literally considered deleting my blog when I realized that I’m surrounded by these people. With such a pessimistic view of a world where we aren’t amidst a warzone (yet), where equal pay is required by law, where rape is frowned upon by 99.99% of society (to those who want to talk about the Brock Turner case, did you not see the universal backlash he received?), where there is freedom of expression, freedom to pursue any type of career you want, freedom out the ass in general.

So if you’re one of the people who’s either (A) closed-minded and aren’t open to trying to understand the perspectives of those who you disagree with or (B) believe the West is one of the most oppressive places in the world, please unfollow me right now.

[shift-shaping]

For DWC! 💰 “they’re NOT my sugar daddy!” For Solas x Surana because I love that ship way too much...

@4vrafangirl, @elfsplaining

Glimpses: Absurd

@dadrunkwriting

Rating: M

Genre: Romance

Verse: Confessions of a Teacher’s Pet

Pairing: Solas x Surana

Warnings: Teacher x student, age gap, mention of sex work

Sequel to A Quiet Evening Alone

She sat back, kicking her feet underneath her where they hung off the hood of his car. His car. She closed her eyes, attempted to focus herself on the physical realities of this moment and not the excited, electrified terror gripping her chest.

It wasn’t his fault. He was nice to her, sweet to her, and always so encouraging. He did nothing inappropriate or untoward. Even this, even taking her to get dinner after dark, involved an impressive lack of awkwardness between them. Maybe there was a line somewhere, and maybe this was on it, but it didn’t feel wrong to be with him like this.

He shifted, the car moving slightly under his weight. She smirked and glanced at him, holding her french fries close to her chest for warmth. “Poor car. I think we’re too heavy for it.”

He sighed and closed his eyes as he lay back, moving until he was comfortable. She couldn’t keep her eyes from drifting, from falling to his hips as they moved against the cold metal. They lingered there for far too long, stuck on his hips, her thoughts going to places they shouldn’t when she saw it didn’t look like he had much extra room in his pants. “I needed an excuse for a new one anyway.”

She turned away quickly and scoffed. “No way do they pay you enough for a new car.”

“What? You do not know that.”

“Yes I do,” she said, smirking. “They’d never pay an elf enough for new cars as you please.”

He winced, still smiling slightly. “I want very badly to disagree.”

“You can’t though, it’s true.” She ate a few fries and hummed softly. “It sucks.”

Solas opened his eyes and looked at her. “Speaking of which, as much as I trust that you are an excellent athlete, I am curious as to how you managed to earn a full scholarship.”

“Well,” she started, shifting to cross her legs under her on the car. “Obviously,” she looked at him over her shoulder. “I slept with the athletic director.”

“Obviously.” 

Eirwen sighed and shook her head. “No, she’s way out of my league, to be honest.” Eirwen ate another couple of fries, then held the box out to him. He hesitated, then took a few and thanked her. “Have you ever met her?”

“I do not believe so. Perhaps in another capacity. What’s her name?”

“Aveline Vallen. She’s a redhead and gorgeous. Also, probably married.”

“So… does she have a soft spot for Elvhen?”

Eirwen cast him a wry glance. “She has a soft spot for talented athletes, hahren.”

He grunted softly and sat up, raising his eyebrows at her. He was so close now, close enough for her to see the subtle laugh lines on his face, the first hint of crow’s feet around eyes. Like this, when she could see the signs of his age up close, she always expected some sort of revelation. Maybe she’d finally realize on a deeper level that this wouldn’t work, that the spots and scars in his features would only divide them. But she always found herself memorizing them, committing every piece to memory for when whatever this was inevitably fell apart; she didn’t think it pessimistic to assume that one day this would be a memory. 

“You know I am not implying you aren’t talented,” he said softly, that little smirk making her heart race. He had an almost dreamy look in his eyes, reflecting the yellow streetlights around them. 

“Well… you are just taking my word for it…”

He turned his head, narrowed his eyes, giving her a look that seemed to smolder in the dark. Her lips parted softly, her gaze flickering over his face, hesitating on his lips. “I have every bit of faith in your abilities.”

“You have no proof, hahren,” she replied softly, smiling at him.

“Mmm… is watching you compete truly the only way to know you excel at something requiring so much skill and grace? Honestly, da’len, I think not.” He leaned toward her slightly, and her breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t respond, her words buried deep down in her chest. Her eyes widened, her heart pounding in her ears, heat flooding the blood in her veins.

“I- I have to go to the bathroom,” she said suddenly, surprising both of them. He blinked and pulled back, nodding, eyes wide as if shaken from a dream. “I’ll be right back.” He gave another nod and she slid off the car, grabbing her phone to take with her.

She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, immediately turning around to put her back against it. Her breathing was too fast, her heart pounding in her ears. But this wasn’t a panic attack; she’d had them enough times to know this wasn’t the same thing. She was still on-edge, still hot and shaky, and the feeling wasn’t exactly good, but it wasn’t an all-consuming burn either. She closed her eyes and let her head drop toward the door behind her. As soon as she took a few deep breaths she could go back. She needed to be more realistic about this. Everything, all of the closeness, every overmeasured breath, was an overreaction. He just wanted to help her, and she was turning it all into something it wasn’t.

With a renewed, forced calm she went back outside into the night. From the side of the restaurant where the restrooms were she couldn’t exactly see his car, and as she stepped out of the dark and toward the streetlight her ears perked at the sound of his deep voice. At first she couldn’t make out what he was saying, but knew he was talking to someone and wasn’t particularly happy about it. 

She crept closer, staying just out of the light and well-away from his line of sight. “That is not what this is.” He had a subtle growl in his voice, a noise that should have frightened her but instead did something else. “This is not any of your concern, either.”

“Man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just asked a question, you didn’t need to take it so personally.”

“It is not an apology if you only make it to excuse your poor behavior.”

Eirwen smirked at that, ever-impressed by his bluntness. She emerged from the shadows behind the lamp, smiling a bit as she approached his car. “Something going on?” She asked, glancing between them.

Solas sighed and looked at her, shaking his head slightly. “If you are finished, we should leave.”

Her eyes flicked from Solas to the man talking at him. He was probably about Solas’s age, some kind of vague professional, and significantly less attractive. Not that he was bad-looking, per say, he was just human and… generic. Eirwen frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. The man took a deep breath and put his hands up, stepping back. “Just asking a question.”

“What were you asking?” Eirwen tilted her head, genuinely curious. 

“Eirwen,” Solas started.

“Listen, I just wanted to know how he got you. Like… I’m not saying anything disrespectful, it’s just… you’re very beautiful, and I was wondering how I could get someone like you.”

“An… elf?” Eirwen asked, raising a brow at him. 

“No! Fuck, an escort.”

“Craigslist?”

“Eirwen!” Solas cut in, blinking at her and pushing off the car. “Can we please just go?”

She nodded and stepped back, watching the man warily. He mumbled something under his breath and turned around, presumably heading back to his car. Solas unlocked his doors and she got in, looking out the window as he watched the man leave. He finally got in and closed the door, then looked at her with raised brows. “Craigslist?”

She smirked and shrugged. “He wanted an escort.”

“Don’t tell people you’re an escort!”

“Technically I didn’t. I just didn’t disagree with him.”

Solas closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Eirwen…”

For a few minutes she didn’t say anything, just pursed her lips around a smirk that pulled at her cheeks. He started the car, and in the silence between them she finally spoke. “It was pretty funny, though.”

Solas gave her a wry side-glance as he pulled out of the parking spot. Despite himself, he smiled. “You are an absurd person.”

She shifted and let the side of her face rest against the seat. “Well… you haven’t kicked me out of your car yet.”

He paused and looked at her, fully smirking now. “I did not say it was a bad thing.” Then he laughed and shook his head. “And I would never kick you out of my car.”

“Never?”

“Well…” He considered that. “Maybe if you threw up without warning, or smelled particularly bad.”

She snorted as he turned to look back at the road. “Dick.”

He chuckled, and the sound made her heart skip again. “That’s not very respectful, da’len.”

“Mmm neither is throwing someone out of your car because they’re a bit stinky.”

“It does explain why I keep our meetings after you have practice as short as possible.”

Her jaw dropped and she sat forward, stunned. “No way, you are a dick!”

He laughed and pulled out of the parking lot, on to the highway. “I am joking, you really don’t smell that bad.”

“I actually don’t believe you.” 

“Well, you would know better than me.”

He continued on to the main road, bringing her back to campus where she shared an apartment with three other girls. Comfortable as they were with each other, and as loudly and easily as their conversation carried on through the drive, still he dropped her off far from her residence hall, leaving plenty of space for no one to associate them with each other. He did it without having to explain to her, without having to justify the distance between his parking spot and her home. She knew without having to be told that even this was not allowed.

if you enjoyed this fic, please hit the reblog button on this post. comments are cool but not necessary -you can leave no tags, a keysmash, or even just 'nice' if you'd like! thanks for your support -arden

[solar-born]

Relationship and courting asks for Aedan. All questions.

[OwO]

♥ Do they seek out love or let it find the? Are they even interested in romance?

Aedan, deep down, is a true romantic. While, he wants to believe he isn’t too old to find love….He is a bit of a “realist” or rather a pessimist when it comes to the subject. 

♥  When they have a crush on someone, how do they let them know?

Oh, he writes love ballads and letters. Hand written. Sometimes in French, sometimes in English (although, he wouldn’t send them.)

♥ Tell us about a time they were rejected.

Hmmm, I could imagine a younger (more fiery if you could imagine) him. Falling in love with maybe a higher up from the Reef. Some short of tragic romance I assure you. 

♥ Do they spend a lot of time in the courting stage or attempt to get to first base as fast as possible?

Aedan would probably be disgusted by this question, “The courting stage never ends. A hundred years can be spent with a lover, and there is always more to learn about them. You can never win their heart to many times.”

♥ Do they wait to be intimate until after marriage or break all the social rules?

Lol intimate from the moment they can be. Sex & Romance baby.

♥ Do they have open or closed relationships?

Open with your babs uvu. He was probably a little worried about it at first, but he couldn’t imagine life any other way now.

♥ How do they feel about polygamy?

^

♥ Are they loyal to their partners?

Yes, much so

♥ Are they patient with their partners?

Aedan tries to be…There are times when he can be quick to anger. Although, much of his rage is just at himself. 

♥ Do they include their partners in most aspects of their life?

Of course

♥ Do they make an effort to find someone with similar views, be they political or moral?

Neither really matter to him, so long as the person isn’t pushing Aedan to change. He is an old man set in his ways

♥ Do they seek to find a partner purely to further the bloodline and name, is it for true love, or is it for pleasure alone?

Why can’t it be all of it? A family would be nice for Aedan, but he wouldn’t consider it a “bloodline” type thing. His family was pretty much the mafia or what could be could be considered smuggles/mafia. All dead now. He wants the violence to stay dead as well. He’d never take a partner for pleasure alone, but a partner he is in love with makes the pleasure all the more sweeter.

♥ Do they sleep in the same bed/room as much as they can or do they sleep separately?

Aedan can do the sleep separately. He enjoys the soft affection of snuggles and cuddles (but he’d never admit it.) He doesn’t want to disturb with his insomnia although. 

♥ Do they make it a point to eat at least one meal a day together with their partner, or do they do as they please?

Aedan eats as he pleases, he does like to have tea with the more calm babs that behave (looks at Psycho and Mute)

♥ Do they enjoy talking to their partners before going to sleep or is it straight to dreamland?

Considering insomnia, talking before sleeping and maybe even after they fall asleep. Maybe soft singing while they dream?

♥ Do they have at least one bonding activity they devote to doing with their partner exclusively?

Hmmm yes, but they aren’t separate things like Blaine. 

♥ What sort of characteristics or quirks draw them to someone?

Humor (Aedan really loves someone that can make him laugh even in situations his ears are red with anger) 

General gentleness (He is a little fragile even if it pains him to admit it)

♥ Do they have a ‘type’?

Not a requirement of course but shorter than him (which is a challenge in itself)

♥ What was their first impression about their partner/person they are courting?

Griff: ”I didn’t know they came in that size”

Lys: “Life isn’t fair”

Rez: “Soft, small, cute, in need of protection”

Serif: “Adorable”

Mute: “Manners?”

Psycho: “Even bad dogs can be taught manners” 

♥ How did their relationship start?

Lys is too romantic for his own good, and Rez too soft for his?

♥ What was the most romantic time they had with their partner?

Lys finding him after the city fell. Aedan cried because he’d know Lys was there looking for him even without it being said

♥ Tell us about a sacrifice they made for their significant other.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I don’t think he’s needed to too. He would though

♥ Do they apologize to their partner even if it wasn’t their fault?

Only in moments of stress, someone crying, etc

♥ Will they lie for the sake of their significant other’s happiness?

No, Aedan is honest to a fault. 

♥ If they could choose their partner again, would they choose the same person?

Always, until your babs choose otherwise

♥ What do they love most about their significant other?

What doesn’t he adore about them? Nothing. 

♥ Have they had dreams about their partner/the person they are courting?

Yes, sometimes nightmares especially if one is gone. Part of his insomnia comes from this. I remember reading something awhile back about awoken “magic” how that petra could have visions of the future and i mean *looks at taken king cutscene* and if that’s a thing, then that is something Aedan has had experience with and why this causes him a lot of pain. He sleeps best when he’s holding them.

♥ Do they understand their partners/person they are courting’s feelings without them having to say anything?

Sometimes yes and sometimes no. He’s best at reading Lys, Serif, and Rez. 

♥ How do they express their love to their partner?

Any and every way that he can

♥ Would they leave the person they love if it meant saving their life/giving them a better chance at life?

Yes

[marshmallowsims]

Psssst... >.> *whispers* All the "Character Questionaire ?'s" for Cardinal! *winks*

FULL NAME

Cardinal Emma Connor (soon to be Coleman)

PREFERRED NAME/NICKNAME

Cardi/Cardinal. She doesn’t mind. 

GENERALLY REFERRED TO AS

Cardi. Though she has a few nicknames which differ depending who she’s talking too. ~ Ginger, red and little one are a few of my favourites. She herself loves “little one” the most because her best friend gave it to her :3 

APPEARANCE.

FACECLAIM: tbh, I am having sucha hard time finding a faceclaim for her. But if I find one i’ll update thisSEX: FemaleHEIGHT: 4′11, though she kinda borders between 4′10 and 11WEIGHT: She’s always been around 90lbs/40kg. Though with the baby shes gone up quite a bit. So currently she’s 105lbs/47kgBUILD: ThinHAIR: Currently its long. Its soft though very curly. She straightens her hair almost everyday which as you can imagine damages it alot. So when it loses that ‘softness’ she ends up cutting it. She often leaves her hair loose but she likes putting it in ponies. She has dyed her hair a few times but she prefers her natural hair colour, red.SKIN: She’s really pale due to the fact that she doesn’t go out in the sun much (she burns really easily) she takes really good care of her skin also. Its kinda more of a self-conscious type of thing. She tries to ‘fix’ the fact that she has scars by ensuring that she doesn’t have any other blemishes and by keeping her skin soft. So its more like “they’ll comment on how soft my skin is and not on how many scars I have” EYES: Green. Like a dark foresty kinda green. In some light they appear a lighter green. She has natural bags under her eyes which sometimes make her look tired, added to the face that when she smiles she squints. Also her one eye squints slightly more than the other. Which is something she absolutely hates. She always takes selfies at an angle for that specific reason. MOUTH: Her mouth i’d say is rather small. And her lips are plumpish. It often looks like shes pouting because the bottom lip just sticks a bit. Also she has a short upper lip so her mouth is slightly open at all times. As for her teeth, they’re straight, however she has a few back teeth missing because they got knocked out. NOSE: She has a small button sorta nose. Its about the only thing she likes lol. HANDS: Her hands are really small, just like the rest of her. And her hands are cold about 90% of the time. She keeps her nails short though and every rarely does she put on nail polish. Its more of like a special occasion thing. FEET: Smol, bony feet. Cold all the time. Which is why she just keeps them in socks xD SCARS: She has about 19 visible scars. She had much more at one point but they’ve faded and become smaller over time. CLOTHES: She doesn’t have a specific ‘style’ she often goes for comfort. Like baggy tees. She does love revealing clothing though. So I suppose that can also be considered as part of her ‘style’ OTHER FEATURES: She got her ears pointed when she was 15. So her pointy ears. OTHER NOTEABLE FEATURES: She has her ears and tongue pierced. 

SPEECH.

VOICECLAIM: no voiceclaim either. Again - having a hard time finding one that fits her. ACCENT: She has an Irish accent. Although its been toned down a bit due to having been in America for so long now. VERBAL TICKS: She doesn’t actually talk that much. Shes more of a show than tell type of person. So no verbal ticks. LANGUAGE: She speaks English, Gaelic and a bit of french, though she isn’t very fluent in it. ARTICULATION: Clumsy with words (just like me) EDUCATION: She prefers short simple words. Though she does like throwing in big words when shes trying to prove someone wrong or when shes pissed off.LAUGHTER: Her laugh is more of a giggle. Though she doesn’t laugh often. Jackson is kinda the only person who can really make her laugh at anytime, other than that she will laugh at funny things on TV and the like. GRUMP: She does whine a lot when grumpy. And grunts when annoyed xD  BREATHING: She sighs pretty often 

MANNERISMS.

FACE: Sometimes when she’s worried you can tell because she wears at her lip but other than that she has a ‘resting pout face’ HANDS: She doesn’t do any hand gestures. But she does play with her fingers, or pull at her clothing when talking. She fiddles a lot. LEGS/FEET: She taps her foot when excited or nervous. And she tends to bounce on the soles of her feet when excited. EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS: Cardi is… very emotional. So this happens… often. Random outbursts throughout the day is common for her HABITS: She fidgets and bites her lip. POSTURE: Her posture is really good most of the time. Mostly just due to years of discipline. Though she slumps if her mood is bad.  WALKING POSTURE: Shes the ‘skip gleefully’ type. Her walk is always energetic. Though if shes grumpy then she purposely slumps and drags her feet till someone asks whats wrong. SITTING POSTURE: She likes to sit cross legged PERSONAL SPACE: She has some problems with personal space. Like hugging people and any physical contact really. However when shes comfortable around people then she’d just affectionately lick their cheek and grab their hand or anything random that’ll make the other person laugh… or shake their head. SPACIAL AWARENESS: She notices everything around her, and will get anxious if something is suddenly out of place. When sleepy all that just goes though. OTHER: She scrunches up her nose when in thought 

HEALTH:

DIET: Her eating habits used to very unhealthy. She’d go days without eating only to later binge on junk food (when sober) otherwise the only thing in her system would be alcohol. However her eating habits have improved a lot since becoming pregnant and of couse because of Jackson’s influence. She does still have days though where she binges on an unhealthy amount of ice-cream. SLEEP: Her sleeping habits aren’t the best. She has very bad nightmares which sorta makes her scared of going to sleep at night. Due to that she’d stay up till she actually passed out from exhaustion. Though, just like her eating habits, this has improved a lot. She does still get nightmares but they are much less now. And (because of bird) she goes to be early and wakes up early. EXERCISE: She loves running and going on walks.ACTIVITY: She can be very lazy xD but if she wants something she’ll work really hard to get it. Then any bit of laziness just evaporates. CLEANLINESS: She loves taking baths and showers. ODOUR: Shes always cold so she doesn’t really sweat that much, but when she does she doesn’t smell particularly bad. Just.. normal person smell xD MEDICINAL DRUGS: She used to take anti-depressants and sleeping pills. She’s stopped since becoming pregnant though.  NARCOTICS: nopeADDICTIONS: Drinking. ILLNESS: noneINJURIES: She does get really bad back pain and other aches due to past abuse that her body went through. She also has some problems with her kidneys so she does get pain from that. PARASITES: nopeeOTHER: She has trouble using her left hand. Like the grip is weakened due to a past suicide attempt. 

PERSONAL.

INTROVERT/EXTROVERT?: She is definitely an extrovert. She does get very shy when first meeting people. OPTIMIST/PESSIMIST: Kinda in between. She switches between the two depending on her mood. GENDER: FemaleSEXUALITY: She is sexually attracted to both males and females. She’s heavily attracted to anyone that takes on the role of a ‘caregiver’ so if they look like they could be her mommy/daddy then she’s definitely interested. However when shes feeling self destructive then shes basically into anyone that looks like they could hurt her. ROMANTIC: Shes super cheesy. Into that whole romantic deal. The cheesier the romance the better. She loves it. MEMORY: She remembers everything that a person tells her. Which in time works for her because she can very easily remind them of things they’ve said. PLANNING: She’s ‘good’ at planning. But she chooses to wing it most of the time. She lives for anything spontaneous and out of the blue. She’s the type that would show up at your doorstep without calling first. PENSIVE: She thinks about everything. Then she rethinks it. Again, and again. Till she has a mental break down and hates herself even more. And repeat. INTUITION: She is the absolute worse at making good decisions. She’s very self-destructive and impulsive. So that never ends well when given a choice between a good and a bad thing. PROBLEM SOLVING: Shes good at solving other peoples problems. GOALS: Her main goal in life is to just live long enough to see her kid grow up. Short term goals would be to actually not chase away Jackson. INSECURITIES: Everything. She is insecure about everything. Literally, name a body part or her personality and she could probably give you at least 10 reasons as to why she hates it. ACHIEVEMENTS: Shes proud of having made bird and for not yet ruining her relationship completely. ANXIETY: thinking about the future causes a lot of anxiety for her. Thinking about raising bird. Anything relating to parents/her parents. When people look at her scars for too long.OVERWHELMED: She gets overwhelmed easily. Sometimes little things are enough to cue a mental breakdown. SELF-HELP: LMAO there is no self help. Shes a self-destructive mass who relies on others to make her feel better about herself. COMFORTS: Giffery. Nothing can comfort her more than that Giraffe canBAD HABITS: She is a bad habit on her own xD but really, her drinking habits are bad. Also she bites her lip and her cheeks till the point where they bleed (when shes nervous/anxious) PHILOSOPHY: she believes that everyone is out to get her. Does that count?TRIGGERS: Parents. That’s it. Just hearing people talk about their moms/dads is enough to bring back things that she would much rather keep buried deep down. 

THE PAST.

PARENTS/GUARDIANS: She has a really really bad relationship with her parents, to the point where their names actually make her sick. Its.. messed up SCHOOL: She was home-schooled, so she didn’t really have a choice to not focus xD but she enjoyed having something to do so she did really well. ADOLESCENCE: This is when he ‘rebellious’ stage kinda kicked in. She also started drinking and just kinda became more apparent that she’s a mess. LEAVING HOME: Leaving home is something she marks as the best decision in her life. She’d been wanting to leave since before she even hit her ‘teen’ years so finally being able to lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. FURTHER EDUCATION: She went to college, shes currently in her third year which she does online.FIRST JOB: Her first job was working as a zoo keeper. She enjoyed it a lot. She loves wild animals so it was a really nice experience for her.LIFE EVENTS: She doesn’t really have one singular life event. More as like a whole bunch just pushed together. I think meeting someone who actually cared for her changed a lot of things for her. And then obviously falling pregnant is a really big and significant life event. However her childhood alone has a lot too do with how she’s ended up. WORST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: [possible suicide trigger] - worst day of her life, and one she still recalls with exact detail, is her first failed attempt. Just the after affects of it all. How she was treated in the hospital. How her parents both changed towards her (becoming harsher) her brother changed around her too. And it made everything ‘worse’ than it was before. To her anyway. BEST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: She doesn’t have one day that she counts the best. It’d be impossible for her too choose just one. However most of the ‘best days’ shes had involve Jackson or bird or both. LESSONS: Most important lessons she’s learned is that you can’t always rely on people to be there for you. And sometimes you have to deal with the most difficult of things alone. LOOKING BACK: [possible suicide trigger] looking back, the one thing she would change is making sure that her ‘attempts’ actually worked. Even with all the good things going on in her life right now, she still carries so much and none of that will ever go away. 

RELATIONSHIPS.

FAMILY: She doesn’t have any grandparents or extended family. So its just her parents and her brother, whom she doesn’t always get alone with. Her parents she just hates and they her. Though, her real dad, is still out there somewhere. She has his number but she’s scared he’ll be as bad as all the rest. FRIENDSHIPS: She loves loves making friends, but she doesn’t have many. She’s not the best at starting up conversations but shes working on it. The friends she does have she loves dearly. FRIENDS IN NEED: She tries to help her friends as much as possible. With anything going on in their life she’ll drop everything she can and be there for them. She’s really supportive, understanding and she doesn’t judge either. So if they ever need her she does what she can. If all else fails she offers tons of hugs and baked goods.NEEDING A FRIEND: She’s still working on actually accepting help from people. She’s so used to doing everything alone that even when she truly needs them she’ll keep quite and try and deal with everything herself.ANNOYANCES: She hates arguing but more often than not she is the one to cause arguments (shes a shit, best to accept it now) she turns small things into something big and it kinda spirals from there. That or she just ignores whoever shes mad at (something she isn’t very good at)ROMANCE: “I’m a mess. First they feel sorry for me, then they fall in-love with me” quoting her twitter lol. But romancing people… she flirts. And she can be kinda good at that. Mostly she just puts it out there that she’d do anything for them and all she wants in turn is to be loved. Its pitiful. That’s why it works so well. MARITAL PROBLEMS: She tries to talk it out. But most of the time her and Jackson will argue, like big very big argument. And when she gets upset shes more likely to speak whats on her mind so then it comes out whats actually going on and they work from there. ADVERSARIES: kinda silly but if the person doesn’t necessary pay ‘attention’ to her then she just pulls away. She hates not feeling needed. ENEMIES: She doesn’t have any enemies. And you’d have to screw up really badly in order to become her enemy. She doesn’t even view her parents as her enemies and they messed up really really badly. STRANGERS: She gets shy around people she doesn’t meet. And it takes her a while to trust them. So with strangers she’ll be very pulled away and short till she gets to know them better. FUN STUFF: She views anything as fun. Going out to any kinda ice cream place is the funnest for her. And well, anything goofy and crazy. DATING: She loves going out. She doesn’t mind staying in occasionally but she gets restless and wants to go out to do stuff. BEST FRIEND: She considers Jeon as her best friend. She trusts him more than everyone else.  LOVE: She loves Jackson. And she literally considers him the love of her life WORST ENEMY: nobody. RESPECT: She respects everyone. Even people she doesn’t like. Though if someone is flat out mean to her then she will be back. Or she’ll just cry… probably that. 

INTERACTIONS.

MINGLING: I think she gets along well with almost everyone. There are some who find her annoying but she tries not to be overbearing or needy. But she really tries to be friends with everyone. COMFORT LEVELS: She gets uncomfortable if people get very touchy-feeley. If she knows them well then she doesn’t mind but otherwise she hates it. PHYSICAL: If she doesn’t know them then she keeps her distance. However when shes comfortable around them she gets very affectionate. Wanting to hug them all the time, poking them, playing with their hands. Patting their heads etc…GROUPS: She doesn’t like groups very much. 4-5 is max for her. OPENNESS: Shes very open about everything thats happened to her. She has no problem explaining in detail. Buuuut, when it comes to feelings/telling people how she felt during all that thennn you’re going to struggle to get it out of her. GENEROSITY: She likes buying things for people and visa versa. She’ll love anyone who buys things for her JEALOUSY: She kinda gets jealous of people that are happy. lmao. Its petty honestly but she just gets more sad than jealous. She gets super protective though and gets jealous easily when her friends are talking to others. TEMPER: She has a very short temper xD EMPATHY: She’s really good at being empathetic. She often tries to relate on how the other person is feeling so that she can know what to say to them. Not always to make them feel better but just so that they know that she gets it. AFFECTION: Often by spamming them with messages. Or just giving out lots of hugs. DISTASTE: She actually makes it really apparent by just flat out telling them. She hates giving off mixed signals or well making them feel disliked so she’d rather just tell them. ETIQUETTE: She tends to be polite. But she sometimes loses that filter and gets a bit TMI without really realizing itRESPONSIBILITY: She is very irresponsible. She can barely look after herself lol. But I mean she does try. She is really good with pets and taking care of them. And she takes good care of Jackson when she’s sick. As for taking responsibility over her actions… she does that.. sometimes. Only when she knows she truly screwed up and needs to fix it. SELF ESTEEM: Shes used to people pushing her around so she takes it. She won’t stand up for herself because shes just… so used to it that she can’t imagine anyone being nice to her without having some kinda gain. CONFIDENCE: She hates herself. So confidence is almost non-existent. But shes working on it. And she gets little spurts where she doesn’t hate herself as much. HONESTY: She worries sometimes about hurting out peoples feelings but she tries to be as honest as possible. She does have her secrets though. LEADER OR FOLLOWER: Shes certainly not a leader but she also hates following xD PARTY TRICKS: she’s very good at making people uncomfortable PRAISE: She tends to praise others. But she’s not used to getting praise in turn. She thinks she’s being lied to then. FAILURES: She considers herself a failure and just assumes that everything thinks the same xDCRITICISM: Her response to someone criticizing her would be “same”INSULTS: insults/compliments. She can’t tell the difference. There’s hardly anything anyone can say to her that she doesn’t already say to herself. EMBARRASSMENT: She gets embarrassed really easily. Her whole face turns red. Its adorable. FLIRTING: Shes flirty in a fun type of way. Its kinda just another way that she shows affection by ‘joke flirting’ ATTENTION SPAN: She gets distracted very easily. Like… very very easilySITUATIONS: social situations going bad… she kinda freaks a little. Often wants to leave/get away. 

LIFE.

CAREER: She doesn’t have a career at the moment. However she is studying to be a pathologist. She does want to get a part time job after the baby is born to get Jackson off her backPROMOTION: read above ^ BOSS: She is her own boss. She hates her boss. DUTY: At the moment, because she stays at home, she mostly just does normal house spouse things. And she studies. TECH: Shes very in the whole social media thing. POLITICS: She kinda just tries to avoid the whole ordeal. COMBAT SKILLS: She can punch and kick but thats about it. Oh and she bites. HOME: She likes everything to be as neat as possible. Jackson’s kinda messy so she lets some things slide just so she doesn’t make herself go crazy. DAILY LIFE: She has a hard time actually getting up in the morning. But she manages. INDEPENDENCE: She depends a lot on others to assure that she does not destroy herself. She CAN do most things on her own. But she needs that extra support and help. COOKING: She’s not the best cook. But she can bake very well. BUILDING: She likes putting things together. Especially if its lego CLEANING: She hates cleaning but she likes when things are neat and in place so she does it more just to keep her sanity up. She loves when Jackson gives her small chores to do though. SHOPPING: She loves online shopping. And spends a great deal buying her baby more clothing than she’d ever wear xD DRIVING: She can but its always a hassle to get the seat right so she can touch the pedals. FINANCES: As someone who never had much growing up is careful as to what she spends it all on. So shes careful. However she does like going on little clothing sprees. MARRIAGE: She never pictured herself getting married. She never even pictures herself as making it past 18 but hey, here she is. Engaged and nearly 21KIDS: She never wanted kids. But accidents happen and well she loves her baby more than anything else in the world. She definitely doesn’t want anymore kids though. PETS: She loves animals, and currently she and Jackson have a cat and a dog.DEPENDANTS: She looks after the animals. And after Jackson when he is sick (which happens more often than you think) LAW: Underage drinking. COURT: She has a few times in her life while trying to get a restraining order against her dad. PRISON: nopeTRAVELLING: She hasn’t traveled much. Her and Jackson did go to Ireland beginning this year and she wants to go again. Shes also going to be visiting New York after bird is born. MEDICAL: She super scared of doctors. She tries everything to avoid them and she just has a fear of needing to go to the doctor/hospital. ILLNESS: She has a few mental illnesses. WORRIES: She worries a lot about people leaving her. Suddenly not being good enough. Something happening to bird. PEACE: She hates the quite. She sleeps better when there are some noises. Like the hum of the fridge or Felix (her dog) snoring. PARTYING: She ‘used’ to go partying a lot. Often went to extremes with her brother and his friends. And she took whatever chance she could get to go partying when she moved away too. Though that ceased when she went to college, she just stopped going out cause she didn’t know the place. HOBBIES: She reads a lot. And she writes. She also likes taking pictures of anything and everything. 

[themclbird]

Can you share more about your candy please?

Okay, I’ve had this ask in my inbox for the longest time. It’s just taken me a long time to accumulate all of the information I want to share with you guys.And seeing as it’s a stupidly long post I’ve put it all under the cut for those of you who really just don’t care (which I totally understand)But for those of you who do care: keep reading to learn about Phoebe~!

Name: Phoebe GardinierGender: FemaleZodiac Sign: VirgoSexuality: PansexualCrush And Why: Castiel and Lysander (if the game allowed it they would be polyamorous, so that’s the headcanon I have for her), she loves the contrast between them.With Castiel she feels like she can truly relax and speak her mind about anything. Being able to lie around on the couch with him, or walk Demon, is her favourite way to pass time with him.With Lysander she feels like a princess. The fact that he treats her like one is the main reason for her sudden burst in confidence after they started dating. Being able to read classics, discuss opinions, and go on more than romantic dates are how she loves to spend her time with him.If she had the same taste in music as them, she would happily play/practice with them. Unfortunately, her music taste is on the more classical side. Although she does love watching them play.Favourite Colour: This changes every other day, but it often tends to fall back on blueFavourite Singer/Band: Asking her to pick a favourite singer is like asking her to pick a favourite between Castiel and Lysander. She can’t do it. But, the genres she prefers are classical, jazz, and swing.Favourite Food: Cotton candy, pizza, and coffee (technically a drink, but still counts)Last Movie Watched: Marie Antoinette (she loves the colour palette)Described In 5 Words: Indecisive, cuddly, relaxed, bookworm, animal-loverFirst Kiss: When she was 13. It was a dare.Optimist Or Pessimist: Wants to be an optimist but is more of a pessimistResponse To Change: So long as she is the one initiating the change she is all for it. If it is her…she’s a nervous wreck.Confident Or No: Socially no. In order to be confident she needs reassurance from those close to her. Fashionably yes. Phoebe can be found wearing anything from comfy sweaters and scarves to outfits that cannot fathomably be comfortable with the brightest colour schemes within the span of a few days.Relationship With Jealousy: Phoebe isn’t a naturally jealous person. It takes a lot of work to make her genuinely jealous.Proudest Moment: When she won a dance competition at her school when she was 14Opinion On Waiting In Line: Honestly, she loves it. Although slow moving lines means she reaches her destination slower, it also gives her time to just be in her own world.Response To Babies: Thinks that they are adorable. She will smile at/with them, play games with them, and just generally have her mood lifted by their presence.Response To Crying Babies: Stress. She has no idea what to do with someone her age when they’re crying let alone what to do with a baby. If the baby is in her arms when they start crying she’ll just pass them off to the nearest person to deal with it.On Time Or Running Late: Running late. Always. If she’s ever on time consider it a miracle.Friend Group Size: Although Phoebe considers herself to be pretty likeable, she only has a small handful of people that she considers her friends. Having to keep up with large groups of people tires her out and so she generally just sticks to three or four close friends. Of course, Lysander and Castiel are included in this three/four.Opinion On Parties: Phoebe enjoys them so long as she has a friend nearby that she can cling to. Not for social support, or as an excuse to escape, but rather just so she has someone to reassure her that she isn’t making a complete fool of herself in front of strangers.Queen Bee Or Wallflower: With her sense of style it’s difficult to be a wallflower, but Phoebe is definitely not a Queen Bee. She likes to keep to herself and her friends, never attempting to hold the spotlight, but she also doesn’t mind having the spotlight handed to her occasionally.Religion: Phoebe grew up in a Christian home, but her beliefs turned more into just questioning the more she aged. Now she doesn’t consider herself religious but will humour her parents with the idea.Opinion On Afterlife: She’s decided to not come to a conclusion until she’s learnt firsthand what comes after death.Desire For Immortality: Phoebe used to play with the idea when she was a child, and even now still likes to think about what it would be like. But now every time she thinks about it she begins to delve into theories on how she would either a) keep her loved ones alive or b) preserve their memory.Studies: Phoebe’s studies aren’t her biggest concern. She has an average natural intelligence and therefore can pass most tests in school without too much studying. Without a desire to do much better than average means that she spends very little time studying beyond what she feels she really needs.Best Subject: LiteratureWorst Subject: Biology and Maths equallyLanguages She Speaks: English and conversational FrenchSchool Structure Or Self Learning: Phoebe much prefers learning things that she finds interest in as opposed to the compulsory topics learnt in school.Ideal Home: A small cottage on a large piece of land where she can create a beautiful maze-like garden with many little hideouts within.Tidy Or Messy Room: Phoebe’s room is generally tidy except for when there is a major stressor in her life. When that happens mess just begins to pile up in her room and becomes out of control.Handiness: Phoebe isn’t even remotely handy. If something in the house breaks, her attempts to fix it just make it worse.Dream Job: Being a writer of any kind. Whether it be a fiction author or a journalist, she’ll be happy as long as she gets to write for others. Not to mention being able to mostly work at home would be a nice bonus.Amount Of Time Spent At Home: Being at home is a love of Phoebe’s and so she is at home whenever she can be. If she’s leaving the house she needs to be with someone she’s comfortable around to help her maintain a feeling of homey-ness.Relationship With Family: Phoebe is very close to her family. She has her mother and father who she spends every Sunday with during a movie night. She also has a younger brother called Ryan (13 years old) that she is often helping her parents run around to all of his extracurricular activities. Between Phoebe and Ryan, he is the one who has a stronger devotion to school.

[riverhowlett-blog]

THE BASICS

What is your full name? River Logan Howlett. As if River wasn’t such a shitty name, I have to wear my father’s first name too. How a bullshit.

Where and when were you born? (tba) on April 14, 1993.

Who are/were your parents? The beautiful and annoying Wolverine and Phoenix. I’m done.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Yeah, two annoying little sisters. They’re.. Annoying. But cute. Because well, obviously, I’m their brother, they two HAVE to be cute.

Where do you live now, and with whom? On campus but by my own. Loneliness is great.

What is your occupation? I’m a student and currently I’m working to scare everyone on the campus, it’s funny.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? Eum, yeah sort of. I don’t feel anything except anger, hatred and pain. That’s funny right?

Are you right- or left-handed? Left-handed. We will rule the world.

What do you have in your pockets? My phone. And earphones. 

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? I call everyone silly or darling, I always try to be more annoying than annoying people, I scare people a lot (because it’s funny). And defining characteristic, well, I run away everytime someone try to be close to me.

GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? I would describe it by a few words: No friends, no ambition, no feelings, loneliness. It was perfect though.

What is your earliest memory? Mh, I remember sitting in front of the toilets while my mother was in it and screaming “MOM. MOM. MOM.” every single second. All of this just because I wanted her to get out of the toilet and look at me. And when she did, I smiled and I just walked away.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Well, let’s say that I was trying not to slice my sisters’ throat when I was annoyed by her two, and I usually listened (in the past) to my parents, so there wasn’t any problems.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? To be honest? I wanted to be normal. I understood really quick that it wasn’t possible anyway.

As a child, what were your favorite activities? Drawing. Singing. I wasn’t doing much things.

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? I was, and I still am, solitary. Like, really. Really introvert too, but hopefully it changed.

When and with whom was your first kiss? Please don’t remember me I still didn’t had one.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Can’t I put a joker on that? Yes, I am, damn.

PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? When I discovered my powers I think. Since then, I still hate it.

Who has had the most influence on you? Myself. I’m nothing like anyone.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Nothing. I can’t do anything right.

What is your greatest regret? My parents. Let’s be honest. Because well: thanks for making me a monster.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? You mean aside from scratching every people in the academy “accidentally” and stealing stuff for my friends? Oh, nothing.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Nope, nothing.

When was the time you were the most frightened? Now. 

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? I would change the moment I was born. Maybe if I was born in another family, I wouldn’t be one of those monsters you all call mutants. Stop being hypocrite, we are monsters.

What is your best memory? I don’t even know, clearly. I don’t get the concept of happiness.

What is your worst memory? The day when I understood I wasn’t like other people. Not because of my powers. Because I wasn’t able to feel a thing.

BELIEFS AND OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic.

What is your greatest fear? Myself. So much egocentrism here.

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? Yes, I would be able to kill. And I don’t know, I could kill in every circumstances. Because I don’t feel things like guilt.

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? I don’t believe in love and happiness. Don’t talk about legends now.

What do you believe makes a successful life? Caring about yourself.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings? I don’t get the concept of lying. So I’m very honest. At least for my thoughts.

Do you have any biases or prejudices? Yes obviously, who haven’t prejudices? Aren’t french people eating a baguette, wearing a beret and a corsage and drinking wine everyday?

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? For my convictions. Only that.

RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS

Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Oh dear it’s gonna sound so narcissic. Myself. Because I’m the one who lives my life, no one else.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Narcissism once again. Myself. Because I’m not sure people can understand what I’m going through.

Have you ever been in love? Nope, not once. EVEN IF... I’m a little crushing on someone..

How close are you to your family? Uh, not close at all. I don’t care about them. I don’t think they got it.

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? No one. I can handle this. Or I’ll break down, and then handle it alone.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? No, no one. I don’t trust people.

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? My family, I guess. The people who thinks are my friends. I don’t get this attachment.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why? A lot of people. Because they’re annoying and they’re thinking they can control me.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? I argue. Because I don’t care about their words and they’re almost the ones ending up crying because I went too harsh.

Do you care what others think of you? Honestly? I don’t give a shit about this.

LIKES AND DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Drawing, singing, reading. My three beautiful things.

What is your most treasured possession? My books. Don’t ever. Touch. My. Books. E. V. E. R.

What is your favorite color? Blue because I’m so cliché.

What is your favorite food? Lasagna. Isn’t that just some pasta with bolognese anyway?

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Reading while listening to a movie’s soundtrack. It’s perfect.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Eeeh, nope, I’m clean.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Lonely in my room, eating while reading or while watching movies.

What makes you laugh? Not much things. I don’t have sense of humor.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? To be honest? Nothing.

How do you deal with stress? I don’t stress. I don’t have to deal with it.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? I’m spontaneous. Definitely.

What are your pet peeves? Everything. Animals are annoying. Except for fishes.

SELF IMAGE

What is your greatest strength as a person? I doon’t care about much, nothing can really hurts me.

What is your greatest weakness? I’m not feeling anything. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would delete my powers.

Are you generally introverted or extroverted? I’m more introverted. But to be honest, I would call myself ambivert.

Are you generally organized or messy? Messy. Definitely.

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.  Good: Drawing, singing, being an ass. Bad: Being nice, expressing feelings, being optimistic.

Do you like yourself? No, I don’t.

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Nothing anymore. I can’t be normal.

If you could choose, how would you want to die? In a fire. Like a phoenix.

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Reading books, eating, sleeping. All alone.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? That I tried to scream but no one were there to hear me out.

What three words best describe your personality? Solitary, smart and honest.

What three words would others probably use to describe you? Violent, brutal, monster. Probably of course.

[heirbm-blog]

ITW LEGACY MAGAZINE (All) (parue 11/17, répondue 10/17)

Good evening HEIR and many thanks for taking the time to answer my questions! I hope you are doing great in France! Let’s get right to it: Your first album “Au Peuple De L’Abîme” will be released soon. In the promo-text of your label it says that your art resolves around the idea that “mankind inherited an Earth it does not deserve”. Could you elaborate about this statement? What exactly do you mean by that?

Matthieu (guitare) : Actually the phrase sums quite well what we are saying with Heir. Mankind doesn’t deserve its status of “intelligent species” as he is constantly trying to establish his domination on everything he sees (this being humans or animals). We have a lot to learn and a lot of efforts to do to reach what we shall consider as the right behaviour for the human race. Heir propose basically a pessimist vision of things, the darkest side of our minds, where hope disappears and where all we can do is complain about our own weakness. For some of us, this band is an outlet for all that can make us “go insane” in the nonsense that is human life.

Let’s stay a bit with the lyrical aspect of your album: “Au Peuple De L’Abîme” can be translated as “To The Humans Of The Abyss” and your cover-artwork features an antique statue pierced by arrows while from the background an arm holding a scale is emerging. I guess one could interpret this picture in such a way that every great empire will one day be judged. However, that seems like a rather easy interpretation. One could also interpret the picture in that sense that some of the most brutal regimes and empires were ruled by laws and that some of the most horrific crimes have been committed by mankind while being completely in accordance with the laws of society. Could you tell us a little bit about this cover-artwork? What message would you like to convey with this picture and in how far is it linked to the lyrics of your first album?

Matthieu : The only instructions we had left for Cäme (designer of all the visuals) was that we wanted a amphitheater as a symbol of how power can be overused or corrupted &nd we wanted him to propose something. The artwork has a much more general meaning than what you’re looking for.  It is Auguste, the first roman emperor who got to power legally after making the senat slowly giving him more and more power. It is a choice of Cäme and perfectly illustrates the concept of overused power we are talking about in the album.

The song ,Meltem’ starts with a German quotation of Eichmann talking about the responsibility of the “average” person for the vicious and terrible crimes of the Nazi regime. In what way do you talk about the so-called “banality of evil” (Hannah Arendt) in your song? What message does this song tell us concretely? Do you also sing about the situation in France around that time?

Actually, the quotation is of Hannah Arendt herself, from an interview on western germany television from 1964, but there, it doesn’t really matter for that’s what is said that interests us,.

Here is the translation of some lyrics in english :

“Pages turn, word aren’t changing,

we remember, we remind, but we learn nothing,

nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything repeats itself,

a rule written, with non-erasable ink”

The song Meltem is about how lessons from the past are most of the time ignored and mistakes are occuring again. The problem is not rooted in the past, but deeply in our present. The reason of the choosing of this extract is that it explains the “banality of evil” concept in a really short and clear way :

“But they  were not murderers. They were people who fell into their own trap.”

Here in France, this is most of the time forgotten. Fear and hate are the most common answer to terrorism (and most of the time this hate is aimed at the wrong people) and the “enemy” is turned into a soulless devil. This is what this extract right here is all about. A loss of common sense leading to dumb hate will never make things better, and nor will forgetting/ignoring what happened before and what lead us here.

As far as I know you guys have not played in any other black metal band before HEIR, at least I didn’t find any reference to that. Could you give us a brief introduction in how you five guys met and why you decided to play black metal in the first place?

Matthieu : Heir was project initiated by Diego (drums) and I, we had played together a few times before this and wanted to start a more “post” project, influenced by black metal and post-hardcore. We published an ad on the internet, and Maxime, François and Loïc answered quite fast. I wanted to start a black metal-inspired band since quite long, and I knew Diego liked a lot of the same stuff I listened at the time.

Let’s shortly stay with this question: What makes the style of black metal so special and unique that it is perfectly suitable to express your message and your feelings?

Matthieu : Its way of being at the same time, oppressing, epic, harsh and tortured. I think it’s the better style for us to express in the same time the “stories”  and how we feel about things we are talking about. Definitely it’s the ability of black metal to be mixed with a lot a different sounds without losing its roots that makes this possible.

Your compositions contain a very interesting mixture of fast and slow parts. This comes, of course, not unexpected since you mix black metal elements with sludge parts. Most interestingly this is a musical combination which one can find quite a lot in France, but not so much in the rest of the world. Do you have any idea why this might be the case? And which bands did inspire you to go forward and mix these two styles?

Matthieu : Honestly I don’t know, we have great labels who are in a way promoting this encounter of black metal with other slower, more modern styles, like Throatruiner Records or Les Acteurs de l’Ombre. I think it can motivate french bands to play this music. Our main influences for making our black metal “different” are Neurosis, Amenra, Cult of Luna, those are the bands we share in common as influences. Making a mix between black metal and the overall feeling these music are giving us is the musical leitmotiv of Heir at the base.

Could you tell us a little bit about your song writing process? It says in the booklet that all music was simply composed by HEIR. Do you really hang out together, jam and then write the songs together? Or is there also one main songwriter present in your band?

No, we never jam for composing songs, usually one of us writes a song in its entirety and we play it in rehearsal, change little details, we almost all write music, and always before rehearsing we have quite a good idea of how the song will and/or must sound.

Your album was produced and recorded in the Dismalsound Studio and the Silent Ruins Studio – why did you specifically choose these two studios? And what was exactly done in which studio?

Matthieu : Well, we choosed those studios because they are close to our homes and mostly because they are ruled by friends we trust in. They both know the project since the beginning (we recorded the “Asservi” demo in the same studios) and understand what we are looking for. We recorded the drums at the Dismalsound studio and did all the rest at the Silent Ruins studio and we are glad we did it that way. They are talented people we also admire as musicians (their bands : Exylem and Havenless).

Concerning the live-front: When can we hope to see you guys play live in Austria, Germany or Switzerland in the near future?

Matthieu : We aren’t foreseeing any tour in this countries for now (except one gig in Geneva but I suppose that is not the part of Switzerland you were talking about). We don’t have any booker and currently don’t have time to book our own shows, but be sure that when the opportunity comes, we will play shows as much as we can, and those are country we’d  be very glad to come by.

Do you have any clue yet what the future will bring for HEIR? What are your plans?

Matthieu : We are now focusing on making the live shows more efficient and immersive, but when we are done with it we will start working on the next releases. Songs are already written.

Last question: What books are currently lying on your nightstand?

Matthieu : If I don’t mention books related to my studies (urbanism), the last books I read were “J’irai cracher sur vos tombes” by Boris Vian, “Le Crève-coeur” by Louis Aragon and an H.D Lawrence compilation. As I am finishing this interview I just restarted the “Petits poèmes en prose” by Charles Baudelaire. These are all books I read when I was younger but that I always like to revisit.

Many thanks again for your time and your effort! I wish you personally and for HEIR only the very best!

Thank you for your interest in our band and the interesting questions.