#are you speaking from personal experience here bb?

[mortalscience]

ten caps per episode - Law and Order Criminal Intent - s01e16 - Phantom

Goren: One thing this line of work teaches us is that guys will do anything for love. Eames: And money.

[thelunarfairy]

Hey there! Am back :3

Chap 120 was uh...ow. AidaIro hurt my feelings to put it lightly.

Ahem- anyways.

I was thinking a lot about how in thos timeline, Tsukasa and Amane almost switched roles. I mean, Tsukasa is still infested with the entity, but Amane is the one doing the enitity's bidding this time. I know Hanako still had the entity in him in the normal timeline, but you het the point.

Anyway, I wanted to know your take on why Amane seems so out of control with the entity, and Tsukasa handles it better. Why Hanako needs a seal. I mean, Tsukasa does some pretty fucked up shit, sure, but he also doesn't try to kill everyone or sacrifice them (Sakura, Natsuhiko, etc). It's like Tsukasa and the entity have more of a partnership, while Amane is almost enslaved to it.

Now, I know memory also plays a part here, because he doesn't recognize Kou or Nene (at least not u til the split second when Nene screams for Hanako to help her) and it snaps him out of it. If he remembered them, would he able to hold back and not murder Kou and Mitsuba? Then again, can't exactly ignore all the murdering he's doing anyway. Besides that, Amane has always been known to have the kinder temperament. You can see it in his eyes versus Tsukasa's, and his personality in general.

I guess my curiosity stems from the fact that with the entity, Tsukasa never killed humans despite having the entity in him. He was probably hurting Amane, but it was because he WANTED to break Amane right? Wanted him to kill him. So why could Tsukasa grow up (before he was murdered obv) and not go on a murderous rampage, while Amane does? Amane is literally an adult too, and Tsukasa is still a child! Lil psychopathic bb.

Sorry if this is too long of an ask 😅 I really dont know how to stfu lol. Excited to see your take on this if you decide to!! No worries if not :)

Hello dear!!!!! welcome back!!!

That chapter made the fandom suffer XD

You answered your own question. Tsukasa has a special connection with the entity. Apparently he is the first one not to fear the entity, he taught it to speak and stayed with it daily for a while.

Tsukasa sacrificed himself willingly, he fulfilled the agreement, and he went alone, he didn't have to be forced to do it. So yes, he and the entity have a partnership.

Tsukasa does what the entity asks, which means that it doesn't need to control and order him, because he will do it.

And the entity "trusts" Tsukasa so much, that it allowed him to come back, and the one who asked it to come back with him was Tsukasa.

It wasn't the entity that said "you'll only come back if I go with you".

It was Tsukasa who said that the entity would go with him.

In the old reality, Tsukasa is committed to accomplishing some still mysterious things, his intelligence resonates with the entity. He can convince it to do certain things or stop it.

Like how he easily makes the house retreat when he sets it on fire.

Not because the house wouldn't listen if he asked, but because Tsukasa was pretending not to have a direct connection with the house to Kou and Nene, so that they wouldn't suspect.

He wouldn't say "stop it" in front of them, so he used another effective way without taking away the idea that he is trapped and is a victim of the house. Yes, he is a victim, but he was the one who chose to sacrifice himself, he wasn't forced to do it.

He talks casually with the entity, as if they were close friends. He isn't afraid of anything, so Tsukasa doesn't need to be manipulated or controlled, he does what he has to do.

Remember that I'm referring to Yorishiro and little Tsukasa from the old reality. It's still too early to conclude anything about Tsukasa of the new reality.

Amane from the old reality fears the entity, you can see the fear reflected in his eyes, he knows the danger that creature represents. Hanako doesn't like the entity and is forced to do the things it demands.

He doesn't like what he does and is against it, but it seems that he has too much experience and understands that fighting the entity is problematic. The entity will force him to do what it wants, as you saw, and since Hanako doesn't want to do what it asks, then the entity takes control over him.

This seems to be something that really happened in the old reality too, since he can only control himself if he is sealed.

In the new reality, Amane has no control at all, suddenly he is controlled and the entity does what it wants without even allowing Amane to have memories of it, so that he won't be able to try to get rid of it.

So in short, Tsukasa has a partnership with the entity, so it doesn't need to control Tsukasa at all. (in the old reality).

Hanako fears and is against the things the entity does, that's why he is possessed, to be forced to do what the entity wants.

Amane probably wouldn't kill Kou and Mitsuba if he were fully conscious, at least if it didn't have any direct objective.

For example, if he needed to sacrifice the two for someone he loves, he would do it. He already did. Hanako will always be Hanako, what changes are the circumstances. As much as he is kind, he still has the potential to be someone bad.

Tsukasa hurting Amane is an old theory, because the signs point to it, who would Amane forgive for hurting him like that?

Tsukasa, but Nene too.

Tsukasa can be aggressive and violent with people, but so far he has never been like that with Hanako. That must mean something. I once created a theory about Amane's injuries.

Now about Tsukasa, don't believe that he is a "psychopath".

We now understand how the entity works, in many moments we have clearly seen how the entity also influences Tsukasa's actions, just as Aidairo made it clear how the entity acts.

Amane is a serial killer now, but it is not exactly him. The boy is just a shell that is being controlled by the entity, it is the entity that wants the deaths.

You just said that Tsukasa does not kill humans, how would he be a psychopath if he does not kill humans?

Remember, the entity is still inside him.

Why is Tsukasa, who has always had the entity inside his body, still considered a "psychopath", and when Amane kills MANY people, he is just the boy who is being "controlled?".

Do you see the point here?

They both have this thing in their bodies, and they are both under its influence. Neither Amane nor Tsukasa want to kill anyone, in any reality.

The only psychopath that exists here is the entity.

Don't worry!!!!!!! Thank you!!

[grizzlyofthesea]

My FNAF Movie Experience

I was so excited to see the FNAF movie on opening night. I had my mom with me, we had our snacks, and of course, my costume:

I'd been waiting for this for over 8 years. The hype was real--and not just for me. I only saw one other person in full costume (dressed as Afton), but plenty of others brought their plushies and wore their best merch.

Did the movie live up to this massive anticipation?

For me, yes. It has flaws, but as a tribute to the FNAF fanbase, I adore it.

LOTS OF SPOILERS BELOW. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

There were so many nods to the fandom. Here are the ones I can remember off the top of my head:

Dream Theory appearing as a book Mike reads

Chica's Magic Rainbow being the mascot/logo of an ice cream place at the mall

The Balloon Boy jumpscares. Annoying (but surprisingly effective) every time, just like the real BB.

Afton (as Steve) over the phone telling Mike, "See you on the flipside," referencing the "Phone Guy is Purple Guy" theory

Sparky/Fetch appearing as a spare suit

CoryxKenshin making a cameo as the taxi driver (My theater FREAKED OUT at this.)

Matpat making a cameo as the waiter at the diner, even saying his famous line, "But hey, that's just a theory." (Again, the audience was very pleased.)

The aforementioned diner being called Sparky's

TLT's FNAF song playing during the end credits

The animatronics were, of course, stunning. I mean, it's the Jim Henson company. Of course they were going to be awesome. (Oh, and Bonnie gets a plaid tie instead of just plain red. Adorable.) The actors inside the costumes did really well, too, mimicking their slow, deliberate, robotic movements. Except Foxy. He wasn't played by a suit actor at all, probably because of his skinny legs. So for that, massive props to the puppeteers. Oh, and his little "dum diddly dum" song? Kellen Goff sings it here. Amazing work from Mr. Goff as always.

I know some people were disappointed by the lack of on-screen gore, but honestly, I like how the violence was handled. FNAF has always been relatively blood-free, so it's only fitting. And honestly? That silhouette of Freddy biting Max in half was chilling, and I think it wouldn't have been nearly as good if we had seen it in full.

The horror as a whole was on the tame side, but it was still enough to spook my mom. Take that for what you will.

The Balloon Boy jumpscares were hilarious. So was Mr. Cupcake. The fact that Mr. Cupcake was the biggest threat out of the main animatronics was kind of awesome. Goofy? Heck yeah. But it's so silly that, at least for me, it loops back to being awesome.

Mike and Abby had an adorable sibling dynamic, and I am SO GLAD that Vanessa didn't end up as a love interest for Mike. Mike communicating with the children's spirits and taking damage from them through his dreams isn't something I expected, but I found it interesting. The Golden Freddy kid being the de facto leader of the missing children (and a manipulative little troll) was very fitting, too.

Art, specifically children's drawings, was a notable focus of the movie; the drawings seemed to symbolize communication, imagination, and escapism. I thought this was a creative way to incorporate the children's drawings that we've seen in the background since the first FNAF game.

Matthew Lillard as William Afton/Spring Bonnie/Springtrap doesn't get enough screentime, but he absolutely kills it when he's in the spotlight. I just wish there was more of him. Same goes for the animatronics.

Overall, while this isn't a perfect film, I love it so, so much. I can't wait to see what the future holds in terms of sequels, too; at the very end of the credits, "My Grandfather's Clock" plays, and a Speak 'n' Spell spells out "C O M E F I N D M E." FNAF 2 and the Puppet are at the very least being teased!

[electricbluebutterflies]

and if you felt like it, kiss in the rain for poe/rey!

PG-ish and also on ao3.

Rey is losing track of how many new experiences she’s had how quickly.

It’s a big world out there, it turns out now that she gets to experience more of it, and there are a lot of people who want to meet the girl who saved it, and-

She’s not sure who exactly calls a break from the whole victory-tour thing that may consume the next few years of her life, but she knows who figures out the details of said break and that’s enough information for her.

Really, if she’s followed the situation correctly, what’s happened is Poe hasn’t been home in years and there are some more personal oh-you’re-still-alive situations he needs to handle relatively soon, and somehow this gets spun into an indefinite several-week vacation, and-

Rey owes him. So, so much. She may just have to be more careful with their droid for a while. Maybe.

They have been here for nearly a week, on the greenest planet she’s ever seen and she can only imagine what it might be like to live a life here, and their group has spread out a little and the whole trip has been fantastically unorganized and more familiar and fun than the past year of her life combined, and-

She stands in an empty green space, overwhelmed. The air has a weight to it here, a signal that the skies above are about to open, and no one needs anything from her at all today and she has nothing to prove and-

She could stay, she thinks. She may have to stay. BB-8 likes her better, and she’s not sure she wants to figure out a custody arrangement for a high-personality droid, and it would be… easier if she lays her roots where her counterpart is most inclined to, and-

Oh, speak of the-

She hears that familiar chirping in the distance and coming her way, followed by an equally familiar human, and there’s just something delightful about it. Her world is bigger than this, her heart is bigger than this, but if she has to make choices, if she has to-

“Thought you’d be out here.”

“Is that a problem?”

He laughs, and there’s just something inherently comfortable about that man, something like sunlight, like warmth and-

“You, never.”

That may be a slight understatement, she thinks, but as long as she isn’t explaining that she didn’t tell their shared pet to follow her into possible peril…

“I see why you love it here.”

“You could… come back, if you wanted, when everything’s over, if you-“

She suspect he’s given the same offer to quite a few people and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but-

She can see outlines of a future in those eyes, a future where she’s safe and it’s quiet and maybe she gets time to decide how she feels about somebody touching her and maybe she gets to decide she likes it, maybe she gets a life where she isn’t so alone, maybe-

It’s a lot to hope for, and Rey is no daydreamer, but-

“You may be stuck with me forever if someone has any say.”

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

Maybe there’s a life like this, she thinks, maybe-

She feels soft cool rain on her skin, and still she stands rooted in what feels like the middle of nowhere, just her in the middle of everything, and she could stay, and she could want that, and-

Something about her current situation feels electric, like anything could happen and maybe she can be impulsive for once like she never gets to be, maybe-

She’s kissed a lot of people, she reminds herself as she decides she might as well take the moment as it is. Doesn’t usually mean anything more than survival. This could, if she lets it, if she-

She’s never put her mouth on someone who didn’t ask for it or at least see it coming. She tastes the heartbeat of shock, and then something like delight, like-

“So I was wrong about you.”

“Oh?”

“Wasn’t sure you’d… done things like that before.”

“I survived,” she murmurs, rolling her eyes. “I’m good at that.” And if she ever says anything more about that, the people she loves may react a little too much, but-

“Was that-“

“That was because I wanted to.” A little flip of her hair, and there’s just something so light and calm about this, about-

“Okay.”

“Is it… okay if I want you?”

From her current position she can’t quite see the what-am-I-supposed-to-do-with-this look he still defaults to around her, but-

“If you can take your time with it…”

She takes another kiss, sweet, different kind of spark, different kind of-

Whatever happens to her otherwise, she thinks, is going to have to happen around this little crush or whatever it is. She is not coming back from what she’s just done the same person.

“I can try.”

“I’m not saying no, I’m saying… don’t do anything you’re not sure about, Rey. You don’t have to-“

“If I thought this was transactional, I would’ve jumped you a year ago.”

“And that is a mental image I do not-“

“Clearly I haven’t done that, so-“

“Warn me, if you start thinking-“

“I’m not sure if I want that. It would mean something, if I did, and… I want it to mean something, and-“

She’s gotten used to being held, at least, the caution of his hands on a very covered part of her back, and-

She’s laid her body down next to this man, gotten through nightmares no one else could ever understand with him, done some pretty incredible groundwork for something stable even ignoring the currently chirping ball of metal just out of her reach, and-

If this is what life is, Rey thinks, she could be alright.

“If you still want… next time we get this kind of a break, in a year or two if we’re lucky…”

“You’d make me wait that long?”

“Still a lot of galaxy you haven’t seen. Don’t want you settling for-“

“I don’t think I would. But if you need to wait…”

“Something like that?”

“I’ll live.”

[hayatoseyepatch]

SAM CONGRATS ON 500 WOOHOOO ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و here are some answers to your match up hehe :3

personality : im more reserved and closed off irl but once i get comfortable with someone i tend to yap yap yap !! my interests are writing, playing games, going to cafes and bookstores and watching movies and tv shows. i also love to cook especially if it’s something i’ve never tried or made before :D my prns are any but i lean more to she / her sometimes! umm .. i can also be very clingy and secretly jealous / possessive 🫣 and am a chronic overthinker yaaaay /lh (im also very indecisive and completely avoid confrontation if that means not hurting someone else’s feelings) however if someone is ever mean or rude to a person i care about then i have no problem speaking my mind ehuheue

fandoms : love and deepspace, wbk, jjk and genshin!

tropes : oh my oh my, i’m a sucker for best friend / childhood friends to lovers au. or meet cute moments.

what’s my type : i feel like my type is all over the place tbh, because i think the charas i fall for are all very different but i do look for someone who’s understanding and patient, but also has a great sense of humor. (esp dark humor bc that’s how i am lol) but also someone who is adventurous and helps me get out of my shell since im prone to sticking to my comfort zone T_T

favorites : sakura, suo and ume. gojo, choso and toji. sylus and xavier. ga ming, zhongli and kaeya.

icks : hmm, i can’t think of any rn tbh lol.

i thinkkk tht’s all 😮‍💨 once again congratulations it’s very much deserved 🤍🤍🤍

Whimsy bb oh my goodness I actually adore you please I’ll sob THANK YOU!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ)و ♡

I match you with Toji Fushiguro from JJK!

⤜♡→ Toji didn’t believe in love, not at first. Given he never received it from his family it was not a concept he understood or believed himself capable of. You changed his mind quicker than he cared to admit. It wasn’t long before you had him eating out of the palm of your hand and absolutely smitten with you.

⤜♡→ I HATE the mischaracterization that Toji is nothing more than a broke fuckboy I’m so sorry. Once he has someone who shows him the tender care and affection he is missing out on, he would do anything for them. He doesn’t mind being patient with you as you need to be just as patient as him, the both of you navigating through tumultuous waters, together.

⤜♡→ he loves your sense of humor, I feel like Toji uses humor as his own coping mechanism. So your dark humor has him splitting at the seams constantly, the both of you cracking jokes to each other. His favorite thing to do is see you smile and hear your laughter, so he’ll keep it up so long as he gets to experience your joy.

⤜♡→ Jealous and possessive are two of his character traits I’m so sorry!! So the both of you constantly have a need to have your hands on each other in public, a silent claim to the other. He loves seeing the way you blatantly claim that he’s taken to anyone who dares hit on him, there’s a warm pride that fills his chest that he cant explain.

Toji adores absolutely everything about you, from the cute way your eyes light up when talking about something you were passionate about, the way your hands feel so small in his own as you drag himself somewhere, the smell of returning to your cooking at the end of the day. He loved it all. Toji hadn’t expected to fall for you but he had. The cute girl who frequented the same coffee shop. Having caught you staring at him over the brim of your cook a few times. Relishing in the way your cheeks flushed when he smirked and winked at you as he caught you staring again. The next day he had gotten there early, pressing the barista for your usual order. He came here often enough to know when you also came into the café. S that day when you came in you saw the table already occupied, the guy who often sat across the café now at you table beckoning you over.

He smiled as you approached, pushing the cup toward you. “Hope you don’t mind some company.” The both of you had sat there for hours, just talking and relishing in the presence of the other. Toji wasn’t sure what had pulled him toward you but he was grateful it had. The months that followed filled with getting to know one another. He was endlessly grateful for your patience with him. His childhood with the Zenin’s wasn’t easy and into his adulthood he was more often used to people wanting him for his body and that was it. But not you. You showed him an affection he had never experienced, a love that he couldn’t let go of. You made him want to be a better person.

His cheeks flushed as you laughed at him, his large hands palming the pumpkin in his hands as he carved a face into it. “Toji, baby, what is that?” You said, giggles interrupting your sentence. He furrowed his brows, eyes narrowing at you playfully. “Oh yeah? Like yours is any better.” He grumbled, only for his eyes to widen at the cute face delicately carved into your pumpkin. “Alright whatever show of.” He laughs scooping you into his arms, pulling you onto his lap. He grins pressing kisses on the side of your face, lips unstopping as they began to trail down your neck. “Alright pumpkin, I got some other guts I think I need to scramble yeah?” He coos, lips pressed against your ear. He gives you one final kiss, smacking your ass playfully as he send you off to the bedroom telling you he’ll be in there in a moment. Looking down he sees his phone light up with a text from Shui as he was cleaning up the mess you both left behind, it was details of an upcoming job. He pockets his phone as he hears you calling out for him. Someone else could handle the star plasma vessel, he had everything he could ever want and more right here.

[freifraufischer]

Okay this interview with former Georgia now Egyptian gymnast Sandra Elsadek is such a train wreck that I need to share some quotes. But please please watch the interview, start at 5.33 in the video and... if you find yourself in the nightmare of her meandering through her travel home from African champs skip ahead...

For context her father is Egyptian and her mother is from Brazil. My comments are in [brackets]. I'm not going to quote the actual line but she appears not to know that there is a third Egyptian woman qualified to Worlds through the World Cups.

This interview is a TRAIN WRECK.

Elsadek: I just finished my fifth year of eligibility at Georgia and I was like hey Ryan if you find me another way to get me eligibility let me know. A joke obviously there is nothing left for me. He goes, 'Well do you have citizenship in another country and I was like yeah actually I do. And he was like oh well we could try that.' And I was like oh my gosh, thinking he was joking like he was just saying that. And then later that night he sends me a text and he's like if you're really serious about this competing for another country let me know we'll sit down and come up with a plan and I was like oh my gosh...

Elsadek: I found an email on the internet. I was just looking up Egyptian National Team and I found this email and I couldn't find any other email. And I'm like oh well I'll guess I'll try it who knows if it will work. I drafted an email and it had all my videos from my past year from all my events and I sent it over and I told them what my dream was and what I'd like to accomplish and like is there any way we can make it work."

[To be clear she only competed VT/BB/FX for Georgia, she had 3 weeks to come up with an elite bars routine. Her D score is a 2.7. But that's okay we'll find out later she doesn't know how elite scores work...]

Elsadek: I hadn't done bars in months and I have to do all around in this in this umum in this whole thing. We had three weeks to scrap a bars routine together basically which was crazy.

Elsadek: There were some minor mistakes here and there but it was my first time competing All Around in over a year. I was happy with it Ryan was really good at pushing me to be prepared. He's very big on being prepared and disciplined...

Elsadek: The transition of you have to put your foot up before pass like in the corner in elite. Oh my gosh I don't know why that tripped me up so much. Because my foot would lift up and I'd start on the wrong the wrong foot it took me a while to get that one.

[Katherine over here trying to figure out how that works with like... having a foot on the ground ...]

Gobourne: How does it feel like to compete for your home country and what does it mean to you personally. Elsadek: I mean I'd say it's a really big honor. I don't know it's something you can't really describe. But having my dad with me that first week when I was in Cairo he would come to my practices and just seeing how like the smile on his face because he's here showing me his country that I had never been to before.

Gobourne: Can you tell us about the support and the resources available to gymnasts in Egypt compared to your experiences in the United States? Elsadek: Honestly they have a really good support system. They have a trainer, they live at a village, it's like the Olympic training center for national teams and the girls live there. I mean the men's team the women's team, so many sports live at this village and then the gym is like 10 steps away. So it's really cool they have a whole set up you know they get fed there they have their trainer they're living all together. The gym's right across they have pits they really hae a great set up and the resources are awesome.

[So why do they need you.... Egypt has one of the largest women's programs in the world...]

Elsadek: The girls are really good at speaking English so when I first got there I was trying to make conversation because I didn't know them yet and they knew exactly what I was saying which was really great...

[In fairness she goes on to say that her worry that she wouldn't be able to communicate with them was her fault... because she doesn't speak Arabic.]

Elsadek: My goal going into this was to hit 4 for 4 and qualify for Worlds because that's how you keep the ball rolling with this journey. Thankfully I was able to hit 4 for 4 and qualify for Worlds. So the next step is to go to Worlds and hit 4 for 4 and also qualify hopefully for the Paris Olympics.

[... she didn't hit 4 for 4. She got a 9.966 bars score... I don't care if you didn't fall a sub 10 score in elite is not a hit...]

Elsadek: I don't understand the scoring, at all, like elite scoring. Ryan's been helping me with your D score and your execution and all this stuff. I don't really understand it so I think that helped a lot because I didn't know I was just going...

Elsadek: The dollar's worth a lot there. I was ubering, I was Talabat ... Talabat is like their ubereats and it was so fast and it was so cheap. It was like two dollars for a whole meal with a dessert...

[I guess she wasn't eating with the other Egyptian women despite living in their national team center where they were eating...]

Elsadek: I had my college floor routine. They had beautiful floor routines, all their floor routines tell stories. My routine is just like la da da and I'm just like dancing and I feel like they're all looking at me going who is this girl and where is her story? My floor music right now is Pepas. Like that fun party sound basically. Their music was all kind of like spanish-y, like Tango. I loved it, it was beautiful. Some of them were like darker, have a hard and that's when they'd really hit it was just so good to watch. I want that. I want what you guys have. I'm over here dancing like a fool because college is so different. College is so flashy and show off and Elite is so tell me a story and elegant. I'm so sorry guys.

[What they have Sandra, is dance training... but I'll give her this in this mess of an interview... she recognized that her floor is a problem.]

Elsadek: I went up and asked one of the people at the hotel that was also running the competition, do you guys have like an uber eats here? He looked at me and was like "What's wrong with you? Why do you speak good English?" And I'm like that's because I'm from America. "But you're competing for Egypt?" But it was funny because they're just like why do you speak good English. Well that's because it's all I speak.

[The moment that I can feel the dislike radiating off this South African meet volunteer even hearing her retelling of this story... which she has no clue about.]

[archangeldyke-all]

Hiii Angel. The truth is that I'm new to Tumblr, I focus on writing and such. It's very difficult for me to reach more people and that discourages me a little, in the end I go into an episode of demotivation and end up deleting everything I wrote. Any advice?

hi babe! my best advice us to just keep going! i've been writing short stories and such since i first learnt how to use a pencil, most of them never saw the light of day. practice will never make perfect, but it will make things a lot easier and better!

i totally get the urge to delete everything. but im here to tell you DONT DO THAT. in a year or two, you'll be DYING to read your old works, and you'll look back on them so fondly. if you feel bad about having them on tumblr with no notes, make a google doc and save them all there! i'm speaking from experience, when i was in highschool i did a total purge of every story id ever written, literally hundreds of stories deleted. id pay a million dollars to get them back and look back on them now.

i would also recommend reading! other peoples fics, fiction books, even non fiction can be inspiring! whatever your preferred reading media is, read it! or listen to it! audio books are amazing, they help you pick up on things you might not notice while reading :)

lastly, dont give up hope!!!!!!! i promise you that if you keep at it, you'll start getting the recognition you deserve! itll take some time, and you might feel like giving up along the way, but keep going! always remember that the person you are TRULY writing for is YOU. and if you like your work, that is all that matters! notes are secondary to your self expression , what matters most about writing is that you're writing what YOU want to write , not what other people think about it.

(also on tumblr, dont forget to tag your works so people can find them easier! the character's name, the fandom they come from, the type of pairing and the genre are great tags to add to get your work out there on people's FYP.)

i hope this helped bb! keep at it! i hope one day ill get the pleasure of reading one of your works :) <3

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi Rachel,

In some of my writing I’m beginning to notice more and more that certain characters (not all) remind me of myself lol. And I hate it, I go back and rewrite them. But I’m interested if you relate to any of your characters as well so—Out of the characters you’ve written (Lonan, Reeve, Harrison, etc..) who do you think is the most like you? And what’s your take on writers seeing themselves in some of their characters?

feel about seeing reflections

Hahaha I used to HATE writing characters that were like me, and it took a while to realize that actually, they ALL are me in some iteration. To answer your question about writers seeing themselves in their characters—if writing characters that are “self-inserts” makes you joyful, DO IT!!! If writing characters who aren’t self-inserts but have attributes to you makes you joyful, DO IT! Or if you’re not into it—that’s fine too! Life is too short! Have fun with what works for you!

My experience below, this gets kind of intense as a warning! CW: suicidal ideation, disocciation

Aligning myself with my characters has been an intensely life-saving experience. I’m not sure I’d be here if it were not for Lonan… 16-year-old Rachel WAS him, and also needed him because literally nobody else “understood” where I was at except for him (undiagnosed autism for BOTH OF US??).

There was a time of my life where I couldn’t emotionally regulate at all, and in moments of stress, would often dissociate and quite literally converse with this man (looking back now, this was just a coping mechanism—confirmed by my doctor btw!—but for a couple years he was a genuine part of my psyche, like moved out of just character territory). I think I talked about this years ago, but I have a really distinct memory of disconnecting so much I quite literally thought he was THERE next to me, which I needed—he really became an externalization of the things I couldn’t deal with (or didn’t understand how to deal with). I needed to see myself reflected in the eye of someone else and for a really long time that was Lonan for me. Actually screaming crying that’s so cute.

And Lonan is similar to me in a lot of ways! This is a side tangent but when I was first diagnosed as autistic it made me wonder if I’d inadvertently written any autistic characters & it struck me way back then that the person most similar to me (Lonan lol) is probably also autistic. I was like—sensory issues?? No emotional regulation?? Speaks a bit oddly?? We are THE SAME. Haven’t really confirmed this in canon lol but I’ve been thinking about it since 2021.

Funnily, now that I have that diagnosis, my life is a lot more stable so like… I’m not currently the most like Lonan lol. But me at 16-19??? Absolutely him.

Unfortunately, I am currently HARRISON, which isn’t ideal but just like he’s a 21-year-old experiencing horrors I’m a 21-year-old experiencing horrors (which is why BB is sometimes painful to write cuz I’m like oooooh I’m feeling this… too much). To be fair, I’ve always said I’m the introverted version of Harrison (because I am lol our personality types are the same, not that I believe in those but since I was like 13 I’ve said this). But just like Lonan, Harrison has helped me now process some tough things this year that I’m not sure how else I would’ve survived. It’s important to me that I have fictional vessels to explore my own life with because it can help me identify problems & then learn to empathize with myself by empathizing with a character first.

Of course they’re also separate from me—they absolutely didn’t start as ME but as time goes on I start seeing myself in them particularly (Reeve sometimes too—our kindred spirits with processing toxic relationships <3). Maybe it’s because I am autistic, but I find it useful to understand my experiences via someone else. I love seeing the ways we can inform each other.

My TL;DR is I’m Harrison if he was Lonan so I guess I’m BB Harrison. Love this for me so much. But also add autism. Which is probably already there because: Lonan. LMAO and a dash of Reeve’s compartmentalization skills. And we have me!

[jaegersmoon]

from one of your last sneak peaks you put a phrase i was planning on putting in my own fan fic😭💔

this isn’t meant to be negative in any way!!! i just don’t want to put the same thing and make it look like i’m copying off of your work.

do you have any tips for me to avoid feeling like this?? i plan on starting my fic once i’m a bit more confident in my writing but i have already started to plan it out.

ah, bb. i wouldn’t think that at all.

how i see it is if your idea is all yours and you know that, then it is an original because it is original to YOU. we all live in the same world, consume the same media, have the same thoughts, and sometimes get inspired by the same things without even knowing it. and because of this, similar ideas can and will clash from time to time. it’s inevitable, even in the world of creativity.

when writing, you can’t compare your work to others because it will heavily negatively impact you, and it will make you doubt yourself and your own ability in places where there shouldn’t be any doubt at all. it can make it hard to write because of the fluctuation of negative thoughts clouding your mind, giving you this kind of sinking feeling that constantly has you on edge. i am speaking on this from my personal experience. it can be tough, i struggle with it every single day, and sometimes my mental health will deteriorate because of my constant comparison and contrast to other writers who are not me. if you feel like this, take a step back and reassure yourself that your mind and the things you come up with are unique, even if they are similar to something you’ve seen before.

your book & the things crafted in it are original because it is yours and yours alone. you know your ideas are original to you and your work. that’s what matters here, not what others have done or what they might do. don't doubt yourself. you have what it takes. i hope this helps. or maybe i’m just speaking in tongues. anyways, best of luck on your writing journey <3

[askinkiskarma]

Baeee Help me pleassseee ! 😭😩😓

So for the context there is this guy. We met 2 months ago and since the start our relationship was confusing. We met on a dating app, but as first timers in all of that, from the start we never expressed the way we met and never put a point of clarity of like "are we doing this to be together at some ?"

One time I did and it ended up being same. There was a clarity, but in the end I didnt understand anything.

Like since 2 weeks, its hey and how are you and nothing really to "lets start being friends" as we agreed on. And I tried.. I guess ?

So I know I am not an option and I need things to BE clear, always. I decided to write him this message. I know he has a lot of shit with university entering and maybe I was getting to far with the text below, I hope nof. I just am not a "girl in the pocket for plan B". And this is THE thing I cant accept.

Here is my text message🥺🙄 :

Hi

I'm sending you this message to tell you that I'm having trouble seeing the point of all this.

Don't get me wrong, you're a very nice person. That's not the problem.

It's just that it's getting monotonous and the fact that there isn't really any effort made to become "friends" since we have met, if that's what I understood, bothers me a little.

We rarely exchange and it doesn't really make sense.

I understand that you have a lot of work to do and that I'm not the center of the world. But if there's one thing I've learned so far, it's that when you're not a decision, a choice, even for something as simple as friendship, you can't play the game.

I don't want to become an option because I respect myself enough. I'm not saying this with pride, but with a deep empathy for myself, which I feel is right.

I don't know if I'm setting the bar too high. I don't know if I'm used to more concrete things in relationships or if I'm impatient. What I do know is to trust my feelings.

I don't feel like you're putting any effort into it and that's okay. You don't owe me anything.

It would just be nice if you'd finally tell me and we could stop this never-ending drag.

All this may have no substance and may be stupid, but I'm an honest person and I don't like stagnant situations.

Thank you and have a nice night time :)

I hope my message isn't taken on the wrong note.

So yeah... Thanks bb with all of my heart if you answer this really 💗💕 Means a lot 🥰

Please be honest... did I fuck up ? Because he has seen in. Its been 2 hours. I know its late but sh*t 😂

He aint be the good one if he isnt getting the point... right ?

hi xx

so first of all, i do think especially us, as girls, we tend to overthink a lot of scenarios (i'm super guilty of this too). i used to do this all the time, and be very upset when someone wasn't giving me the attention i thought i deserved or that i was giving to them, but in time i've learnt that most times it truly isn't personal - people have a lot going on in their lives, and sometimes (again, speaking from experience) life can get so crazy even the thought of answering a message or seeing a friend is very overwhelming. it doesn't mean you don't love them or appreciate them or prioritise them, it sometimes just means you absolutely can't handle it at the moment. now i'm not saying that's what happened, but it is something to maybe keep in mind going forward.

now, i think you were very respectful in your message and at the end of the day, you deserve someone who is on the same wavelength as you. men are very simple creatures, and a lot of the times we want to overcomplicate them and make them more complex than they actually are hahahaah - oh, what did he mean by that, did he try to send me a message, was he being purposefully cryptic etc. that's not usually the case. men show you what they think and feel - if they're interested in you, you will know. if you say it's been two weeks of barely any interaction or barely any effort made on his part, that to me is answer enough.

but who knows? see what he says!

good luck and smooches x

[eleanor-bradstreet]

Oh my dear, thank you for your patience as I waited to have the time and space to appreciate this for all it is and put it into words. This story, like its subject matter, is a work 👏 of 👏 art👏 You had such a unique and beautiful concept, and worked so hard to breathe life into it. I saw this story when it was still a bit raw, and you finessed it into a journey for the soul and the senses. It flows like a song, like poetry, like color… let’s dive in.

First off, creating a focus on the flowers is so on-point for Bridgerton. The ‘language of flowers’ that was prevalent in the 1800s is present in the show and is something widely recognized in the fandom. You took two flowers we don’t typically see represented and wound them together into the perfect representation for Benedict and his lady. 💐

I don’t know if it was an intentional decision or not, but I see such a parallel between the woman’s sense of inadequacy and Ben’s. We know Ben feels the drive to create in order to prove his own worth, that he is more than his money and his name. But we also know that he ‘performs’ to make others happy. That he strives to be agreeable in order to support everyone else. (Captain Emotional Support Animal) We see that in the woman too - plaster on a smile and hit your mark, strive to make your mother happy. They are both facing the same struggle, performing art rotely for others’ enjoyment, and not because the spirit moves them. You captured this perfectly. 

“He probably hasn’t figured out the world wasn’t lying in wait for his artistic vision.” Gah, I love this line so much! It’s so easy for us fangirls to lavish praise on all Ben’s art, but let’s be real, artists are often pretentious 😅 I love that the woman rolled her eyes at him, it grounds the story in reality!

“There she is.” Our sweet Ben, emotional laborer, immediately seeing through the guards everyone puts up in order to find their true selves. I love that he assesses this about her immediately! It speaks to his intuition and emotional intelligence, and to how he sees behind that mask she still feels she’s wearing. 💙 

“she stared at the piano keys. They seemed like strangers to her. Her mind flashed a memory of her childhood, when they felt like extensions of her own hands and her own soul.” What a gorgeous way to depict her burnout and dissociation from her muse!

“It was as if she wasn’t playing the song, but it was being fed to her from the shifting air around her.” THIS. This is what inspiration feels like, that ‘zone’ of just dictating the idea being fed to you from an invisible source. You nailed it!

“slow grin that gave birth to the smile lines framing his gunmetal gray eyes.” 😄😄😄😄 We don’t give his smile lines enough love!! Thank you for adding them!  And I LOVE YOU for being sneaky and finally revealing what side of the Eye Color Battle you are on - muahahahaaa!!! 💙

“Moments before, she never knew of his existence. And now, he was a key unlocking who she really was in those moments alone with herself.” I feel seen. Wondering if you drew on a personal experience for this. It could probably describe how a lot of us feel about BB. It seems like most of us were closeted creatives, wandering around in an uneasy, uncertain world and then he just exploded into our lives as our muse and all this discovery happens and so much beauty comes pouring out. He just effortlessly has this effect on everyone, in fiction and in real life 😅 The bastard, I love him.

“The music offered to paint the picture for him. And so he let it.” Do you know about synesthesia? Where folks can ‘see’ sounds or music as colors. They can ‘paint’ a whole song the way they see it in their mind. Dollars to donuts, Ben has it. At the very least, he does here. You describe it perfectly. Maybe this was him discovering that he had that ability for the first time. She unlocked so much in him…

THE LYRICS!! Where? How?? How did this come to you? So gorgeous! So evocative! 🥹

“She wanted to borrow his lightness.” I adore that you wrote this. It echoes something I wrote about Anthony in Love to Spare: “You needed to borrow his courage.” I know Anthony isn’t in this story, but I feel like the contrast helps define each of them so well. Anthony is solid, courageous, strong; and Ben is light, ease, spontaneity. They are a kind of yin and yang to each other. Sometimes, a gal needs an Anthony, but our poor lady in this fic needs a Ben. To break through her mask, her self-doubt, her creative rut. Sometimes we need a wall of strength to lean against, and sometimes we need a wall to be broken through. 💙

“She secretly hoped the paint would somehow absorb into her skin and become a permanent part of her.” Is it the painting, or is it Ben? His beauty and creativity and inspiration that she wants to spill over and envelop her too? Beautiful, beautiful imagery.

“Your fingerprints were all over the painting before you ever saw it.” THIS. This is THE LINE of the story. Oh my heart…🥹

Oh hell, the sensuality of him resting his fingers on hers while they played, all while they are blending all the paint colors together - it’s artistic and unique and so soooooo sexy 🥵 What I wouldn't give, right? And it’s just so symbolic of how their coming together was the catalyst for all of this creativity. It’s only once they are joined that the artworks are complete, they are whole. 

His magic in her music, her hues in his paintings…..AAAAHHHHHH I LOVE ITTTTT!!!

I am breathless! This is such a lovely tale, bright and hopeful and lyrical - just like Ben himself. You did an excellent job with this, it changed so much since I first saw it. You have a talent for ‘painting’ these scenes and conveying emotions. Thank you for being willing to share this idea, and for giving us all these beautiful moments. 🫶 Be proud of yourself!

Artistic Endeavors

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x original character AU

Summary: Finding art and love. An artist and a pianist. And an undeniable connection.

Benedict Bridgerton and Original Character. AU

Warning: None. Just fluffy fluffy poetic sweet.

Word Count: 5.7 K

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45577693

Author's note: This is a very fluffy and poetic story about an artist and pianist, and their undeniable connection at first sight. Poetic prose. Simple romance. Thanks to @eleanor-bradstreet for her incredible insight, encouragement and beta reading. Additional thanks to @colettebronte for an early read through and constant encouragement. Finally, thanks to my discord mutuals who encouraged me on a daily basis. 

*****

“Art touches the soul… art is communication… it reaches out from the canvas and passes through the eyes of the viewer right into his heart where it can leave an imprint of beauty that can make the spirit sing.”- Nina Baldwin,  artist.

Lavender is a representation of devotion and undying love. Night-blooming Jasmine produces a masculine scent believed to be an aphrodisiac. Hence, lavender and jasmine have been shown to make people feel blissful and romantic.

Take the jump. 

She knew time was running out. 

Her laptop had limited power left on it and she had left her power cord at home. Adjusting herself on the piano bench, she opened her laptop, resting it on top of the grand piano.  

She closed the online window that held the sheet music for her last appointment of the day. Her young client with her pushy mother had yet to arrive for the practice session. She wasn't even certain they would arrive at all. 

As a child, her mother would never allow her to be late for a practice or an audition. Show up on time, know your material and plaster a winning smile on your face.This formula led to a bit of success as a child actress. Her young life was dominated with early morning calls, winning reviews and on set tutoring. 

She never realized this type of success was fleeting until reality slapped her across her masked face.  Her lackluster television show was canceled quickly, striking a blow to whatever preteen confidence she was able to build. Soon, she  was merely a footnote on someone else’s wikipedia page. 

After her show was canceled, her mother’s drive to have a famous daughter grew even more intense. Every audition soon seemed like a high stake game to prove to her mother that her younger success wasn’t a fluke. 

She grew to hate every line and every performance in the endless sea of auditions she was obligated to attend. Her love for creative expression was choked out of her. Competition for parts and brutal rejections eventually deflated her love for performing. 

Eventually, adulthood came and she settled into making ends meet by working as a piano accompanist. Originality and creative expression was tucked away into her past. But recently, even being an accompanist wasn’t paying the bills.

Opening a new window on her laptop, she navigated to a job search site yet again.  Deflation and emptiness overtook her by the time the website appeared on her screen. 

This is what giving up feels like. 

The room grew dark from the gradual sunset. She abandoned her laptop to flip the lightswitch across the room. This also afforded her time to decide what she could possibly write in the search box of the website. Music and acting was all she had ever known regardless of how much disappointment it brought to her life.

Before she could turn on the lights, she heard banging noises in the hallway followed by a cluster of cursing. Oddly, she welcomed the distraction. She welcomed anything that would keep her from thinking about her current situation in life.  

She stepped outside into the hallway. Standing at the door of the adjacent studio, a man wearing brand new black Converse shoes was kicking the door with increasing intensity. He wore paint splattered jeans and a white t-shirt that looked a size too small. Balancing an easel, blank canvases and art supplies in his arms, his unkempt chestnut brown hair fell across his forehead. His profile seemed almost too perfect. Even though she was sure he knew she was standing there, he didn’t bother to acknowledge her. His brow wrinkled as he searched his pockets for something. 

 “What in the hell…?” she asked before she could stop herself. She initially asked this to express her frustration with the noise. However, by the time she got to the end of the question, she realized she was saying it to herself at the sight of him in handsome glory. It took all of her strength to summon her defenses to reappear. 

Great. Yet another artist. 

She had grown tired of dealing with artistic types with distracted minds and lofty goals. He probably hasn’t figured out the world wasn’t lying in wait for his artistic vision. 

“I can’t find my keycard,” he growled as he glared down at the doorknob as if he could turn it using mind power alone. “I just rented this studio and I’ve lost the card already.” he snarled while searching his pockets once again.  Having an audience for his disorganization did little to keep his frustration at bay. He pushed on the door in an attempt to open it using only his strength and a few additional curse words.This was not how he had planned for this new adventure to unfold. 

“Why didn’t you make two trips from your car? It would be easier to find the key card if you didn’t have so much of your stuff with you.” The man obviously needed a little bit of logic in his life and she was more than happy to provide it.

Feeling the muscles in his jaw tighten, he shook the doorknob again. Her smug suggestions were the last thing he wanted to hear. Drawing a deep breath, he slowly released it in a vain attempt to settle the uneasy feeling in his stomach. 

He glimpsed over to her. Taking a double take in her direction, he couldn’t quite believe what he had seen at first glance. He had never seen a woman who was so uniquely mesmerizing, yet he was struck with the feeling he had seen her before. His frustration with her chastising melted away.

His mind was too busy with lightning bolt thoughts of this woman to make room for conversation. But it seemed crucial to hear her voice again. Her youthful face betrayed her tight updo and skirt that was a bit too long for such a petite frame. She seemed like a child playing dress up and pretending to be a part of a grown-up world. 

He didn’t take notice he had dropped all of his art supplies onto the floor with a crash. He was awestruck as her face eased into an amused smile. 

There she is.

She pulled her own keycard out of her pocket. Stepping over his pile of art supplies littering the floor, she carefully kept her balance while wearing high heels.  She jammed herself into the small space between his door and his body.  She could feel his toned torso against her back as he didn’t step backward to allow her more room. His uneven breathing with his electric exhales washed over her neck. 

She slowly pushed her keycard into his door. It unlocked with a click that startled both of them. Standing silently against his body, she hesitated. They sensed the magnetism between the two of them.  

She caught his scent. She couldn’t quite place the essence, but the aura of it seemed to speak to her silently. Shaking her head, she reminded herself,  encounters like this are rarely meaningful, usually merely an illusion of something significant. Adhering a smile across her face, she turned to face him. She pushed the door open and held out her arm to invite him into his empty darkened art studio. 

“What kind of sorcery is this?” he flirtatiously asked as he gave her a wink. At least, she thought it was a wink. She couldn’t be sure. He pushed past her, pulling his art supplies through the doorway with him. There was just enough light beaming in from the hallway for her to catch his genuine crooked smirk.It beckoned her to follow him into the room behind him. Dropping his art supplies haphazardly on the floor, he looked up to gaze at her through his long eyelashes.

His smile. His chaos. And his captivating eyes. 

He was a plot twist she simply couldn’t allow. She abruptly glanced at the floor, folding her arms across her chest.

“Security isn’t great around here,” she proclaimed. “All the keycards unlock all doors. Make sure you don’t leave anything valuable behind in your studio,” she warned stoically. “Welcome to the building” she added to avoid coming off too harsh. She eyed the door leading to the hallway outside of his room. 

“Thanks!” he said enthusiastically. She was such a mystery and he felt compelled to unravel who she was.  He explored her face. She couldn’t hide her kind eyes. 

“Who are you?” he asked.

He stared at her expectedly. The way he leaned in for her answer left her frazzled and unnerved. 

“I rent the music studio next to your art studio. I’m sure the building manager mentioned that the building holds both. But as you can tell by the keycard loophole, I can’t be sure of what they told you.” She smiled at him despite herself. 

Even though he was frustrated that she didn’t offer her name, her smile left him intoxicated. He decided to change tactics.

“I’m Benedict.” The empty room echoed his voice, stunning her unexpectedly. 

”Nice to meet you.” It was the most genuine thing she had said all day. 

A sigh of exasperation escaped his lips.  “So, music studio, huh? What instrument do you play?”

Pushing a rogue lock of her hair behind her ear, she took a step forward to shorten the distance between them. It felt essential that she moved closer to him. She gave it a second thought and took a step back. 

“I play piano. For now.”

“You plan to stop?” He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw her wince at his question.  She was mentally playing “hide and seek”. He felt a compulsion to seek.  He tilted his head as he asked, “Have you composed anything good lately?”

His rapid fire questions were those she didn’t even want to ask herself. 

“No.” She quickly began retreating to her music studio. She blurted over her shoulder. “I’m an accompanist. I don’t write anymore. I have a client arriving anytime now. Excuse me.” She bolted to her studio and closed the door. The dim room was still. She took a cleansing breath as she turned on the lights. 

What was that? 

The silence was shattered by the cellphone on her piano as it buzzed with a text. Her hands were still shaking when she picked it up to read “Sorry for the last minute cancellation. We can’t make it.”

She felt thankful for the opportunity to recuperate from meeting the charming, chaotic man with the crooked smile and prying questions. Her own feelings suddenly seemed foreign to her.

She walked over to the window in her studio. Pressing her forehead against the cool glass, she attempted to refocus her mind. Replaying every sentence and every look from moments before, she fought to find logic in a situation that defied rationale. Unsuccessful, she pushed up the window from its sill. She needed the fresh night to chill her face. 

Turning toward the grand piano in the room, she stared at the piano keys. They seemed like strangers to her. Her mind flashed a memory of her childhood, when they felt like extensions of her own hands and her own soul. 

Once upon a time. But fairy tales don’t come true. 

She sat down and placed her fingertips on the keys. It had been such a long time since she had played an original song.  Maybe it was like riding a bike. Maybe she could get back to it without giving it a second thought. She was growing tired of second thoughts. 

*****

Benedict closed the door behind him while flipping on the light switch. He inhaled to focus himself, but his fixation remained on her scent she left behind. Her fragrance steadied his chaotic mind. The rushing current of his thoughts had been stilled by the reminisce of her presence. 

He glanced around the empty room, reminding himself that his purpose for renting the studio was to have a place to paint without distractions and without expectations. His hope for no distractions was already dashed by the woman with the magic keycard who pretended to be harsher than she truly was. After experiencing her cold demeanor toward him, he also held no expectations.

He eyed the new art supplies scattered haphazardly across the floor. A fresh perspective required new materials.  And a new creative approach was exactly his goal. 

From the moment he picked up his first paintbrush as a child, he was driven to create art in order to gain favor with the people around him. He knew he had been lucky to be born into a life of affluence and opulence. He felt the need to earn his given advantages even though no one had ever voiced an expectation for him to do so. So every piece of art came from a place of wanting to prove his lot in life was earned.  He had never known what it felt like to create for his own soul. 

He placed a blank canvas on his easel and took a cleansing breath.

White. Empty. Barren.

The canvas in front of Benedict reflected how he felt about his art. Preparing himself for incoming inspiration, he gathered his supplies. His crisp paintbrush lingered awkwardly in his hand. Staring down the canvas, he searched his mind for a memory. He searched for colors. For structure. For chaos. For meaning. For anything he could apply to the canvas. 

Fade to white.

With a growl, he threw the canvas across his art studio. As the crash echoed against the wall, he was overcome with regret. The thin walls risked disturbing the fascinating woman who was waiting for her client. He had disturbed her enough for one day. 

He considered packing the art supplies away. They weren’t going to be any use to him that day.

*****

She silently caressed the keys of the piano without pressing them to make a sound. The keys felt charged. Even though there was no audible music to be heard, she sensed a distant melody in her mind. The air around her hummed. Could it be her mind was creating this song, defying how she had tried to will her creativity into hibernation?

She pressed the keys to play the melody. It was as if she wasn’t playing the song, but it was being fed to her from the shifting air around her. 

The inspiration for it seemed to come from nowhere and all she had to do was breathe it in. This song was different from everything she had played before in order to impress others, and every well-worn song she had taught to pupils. This song was hers. 

She felt the need to frame the song with words. Frantically, she pulled her appointment book from the top of the piano and tore out one of the pages. She found an empty space and began writing the few words she needed to put the song into context. The words came to her as naturally as the music. 

Feeling as though she was risking losing her newfound song altogether, she also jotted the melody and the chords to capture them forever before they flew away as quickly as they arrived. 

Placing her hands on the keys, she continued to compose the song. It brought with it a freedom she had never felt. She no longer felt she had to hide behind a smile that didn’t belong to her.

Closing her eyes, she saw fleeting images of his slow grin that gave birth to the smile lines framing his gunmetal gray eyes. They played like a memory from long ago, even though she had just met him. 

The intensity of these new emotions overwhelmed her, shocking her as she played. The ballad was a paradox of caution and hope. The dissonance eased into contentment that comforted her into believing that she was enough. 

Enough?

She pulled her hands from the keys as if they were on fire. Moments before, she never knew of his existence. And now, he was a key unlocking who she really was in those moments alone with herself. Slamming the cover over the keyboard, she had to get away before she started to believe in the power of her dreams. It was a risk she didn’t want to take. She grabbed her belongings and bolted for the hallway, leaving the studio for the day.

*****

The silence of Benedict’s studio was interrupted by a delicate distant melody. He froze in place as he strained to hear the song. The notes danced over his head, and he couldn’t be sure he wasn’t imagining it inside his own mind.

Closing his eyes, he attempted to heighten his sense of hearing. It seemed as though he was breathing the song into his lungs, melting into his flesh and blood.

Without hesitation, he retrieved the empty canvas from its haphazard grave against the wall. He couldn’t place the paint on his palette quickly enough. Taking his pristine brush in his hand, he mixed the colors without forethought or plan. The music offered to paint the picture for him. And so he let it. 

Her kind eyes.

He had no idea how much time had passed since the music began. The music and the paint seemed to blend as one. Blues, purples, whites, pinks, yellows. The colors blended as if to form colors that hadn’t yet existed in his world.  

The music stopped and so did he. 

The silence was agonizing. He dropped his brush to his side as stillness overtook the room again. Taking a step back, he inspected what the painting- the music- had created. One word came to mind.

Lavender.

The painting was a different style and color palette than he’d ever painted before. The color palette was abstract just as his sudden feeling for her was abstract. 

Benedict hungered to feel what he felt just a few moments before. His stomach tightened at the possibility he would never feel the melody again. He dashed from the room to find that music. 

To find her. 

Her door was left ajar and he charged into the room without knocking. Scanning the room, he saw she was gone, and she had taken her melody with her. All that remained was a grand piano with the keys shut. On the floor, he found a ripped piece of paper. It was a calendar sheet with a list of appointments for the day. He read the word written at the top of the page. 

Jasmine.

Further down the page, he saw music notes written on a staff. The written music notes looked like artwork to his creative eye.  He didn’t know how to play the notes on the page, but he could see the art in them all the same. Below the music notes in a decidedly feminine handwriting, he read:

His scent came to me as night blooming jasmine

awaking just beyond my sill

Bringing inspiration unseen with eyes

An unknown destiny to fulfill. 

He scanned the empty studio again as if he could will her to reappear. Holding the paper, he dashed across the studio and peered out of the window.  Perhaps he could call to her to keep her from leaving. As he searched the parking lot illuminated with glaring lights, he realized he wouldn’t get that chance. The only car in the parking lot belonged to him.

He studied her music and words written on the page. He breathed in its scent.  He caught her essence mixed with the jasmine blooming outside of the window. Suddenly, he understood the awakening in his soul. She was his lavender. And he wanted to be her nighttime jasmine. 

He folded the paper and put it in his pocket as it slipped next to his keycard.

*****

She spent a sleepless night trying unsuccessfully to escape from her emotions. His airy nature had stirred something within her she couldn’t identify. She wanted to borrow his lightness. Her heart had grown so weary of maintaining her facade. Some intangible essence in him reminded her of the person she truly was.

As the sun rose, she searched for her haphazardly written music and lyrics. It was the only concrete evidence to remind her that she didn’t just imagine the song and her effervescence. But it was gone and her fears of losing her creativity returned. 

Throwing on jeans and a purple t-shirt, and pushing her hair into a casual ponytail, she rushed to the studio building in search of her notes. 

In her frantic rush down the hallway to her music studio, she went to the wrong studio. His art studio. She smiled to herself when she realized he hadn’t locked the door. The day before, she would have rolled her eyes at his irresponsibility. Suddenly, she now found it endearing. She chuckled as she remembered she had left her door unlocked the day before as well. 

Her eyes were drawn to a painting resting on his easel next to the window. The painting that was illuminated by the light flooding in from the window was compelling enough to make her stop in her tracks and get lost in its colors. The structure. The lack of structure. She couldn’t form words in her mind to describe it because she felt ill equipped to do so. Even though it wasn’t overtly obvious or apparent, it reminded her of lavender.

And jasmine?

Looking closely at the painting, she felt safe in its world. Even though the idea seemed foolish, she wanted to live in the painting. She impulsively reached out and touched the canvas.

The paint wasn’t completely dry and the colors landed on her fingertips. It made her want to be a part of the painting even more. She secretly hoped the paint would somehow absorb into her skin and become a permanent part of her. A need grew in her that she needed to blend that painting into every song she wrote.

Could it be that the handsome artist she had sneered at yesterday was capable of creating such a masterpiece? She glimpsed the bottom of the painting. 

Benedict.  

She knew it was reckless, but she had already made peace with the fact that newfound irrational behavior had now become a part of her makeup. She took the painting with her to her studio. She wanted to play her song in the company of that painting hoping it would spur her own creativity and help her finish the piece.

When she arrived back inside her studio, she searched for the sheet music. It was gone. Even with the spellbinding painting resting against the wall in front of her, her confidence waned. Would she ever get the melody -the feeling- back?

She carefully placed the painting on the floor where she could see it from her piano bench. Taking a deep breath, she uncovered the keys on the piano. She dove into the song and let the wave of the notes carry her. 

For the first time, her eyes were wide open as she played her music. She wanted to take in the energy promenading breezily from the canvas. Staring at the painting, she was overcome with its beauty. As she finished her song, she remained lost in his masterpiece.

*****

He arrived at the studio not even noticing the door was unlocked. The deafening silence disappointed him as he strained to listen for the music that inspired him so deeply. He needed her song to finish his painting. He needed her. 

The empty easel next to the window mocked his desire for contentment. He frantically searched for the painting in the pile of blank canvases. It was gone. He should have remembered to lock his damn door, just as she had warned him. Now someone had taken his work and he didn't know if he would ever get it back.

He shook his head, as he sauntered to the window. Leaning his head on his forearm against the glass, he remembered searching for her through her window the night before. Would he always be searching for her as she continued to hide her true self behind those kind eyes?  

The frenzied mourning of the loss of the painting and his inspiration invaded his mind.  His stomach tightened as it layered over his yearning for her, the absent feeling of not being with her in that moment. 

Turning back to his empty easel, he picked up his palette. He touched the slightly wet paint on the palette, coloring his fingertips with its hues.

Suddenly, he heard the whisper of the song. Tentative at first, it grew stronger with each line. He thought he was imagining the song just as he thought he had imagined painting the picture the day before.

Contentment and passion found a way to coexist in his heart. Placing his hand over his mouth, he held his breath in an irrational attempt to silence every minute sound in the room. He turned toward the open door. Knowing that he couldn’t face losing the music again, he darted toward her studio.  

As she replayed the song, it was as if she was hearing music for the first time. And it was coming from her. It was coming from her and Benedict.

The door swung open, startling her. As she stopped playing, her fingers still tingled from the memory of their creation. 

She felt his tender gaze as his hand gripped the door frame. Her contentment in his presence overtook her desire to hide herself. His breezy charm released her from that ever present shield. 

She searched for something to say. He seemed so expectant. She wanted her response to his stare to be meaningful. Searching for words that could possibly describe her overwhelming feelings, only one word escaped her lips.

“Benedict.”

The sound of her voice had somehow changed. His name sounded like a melody when she spoke it. 

“I’m so sorry,” she stammered.

“Why?” The distance between them amplified his longing for her.  He had to close every space between them. Without breaking his gaze at her, he slowly walked toward her as she spoke.  

“Your painting.” She continued, “The sheet music is gone. I wasn’t able to find the song again.” Glancing downward, she added, “until I saw your painting.” 

As he glimpsed toward the painting, it felt like a distant memory that had leapt into that very moment. 

He couldn’t divert his eyes from her for very long. His yearning stare accompanied by his knowing smile awakened a newborn passion in her. She felt an unspoken love letter in his gaze.

Her mask had been tossed away just as the constricting clothes and pinned up hair were now a memoir of who she used to be. 

The confession from her seemed genuine and pure. “This is so new to me. The music, your painting, and..” she took a cleansing breath as she unveiled her new truth to the two of them, “you.”

He felt as though she was speaking his thoughts through her lips.

Her mouth.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the sheet music.

“I’m sorry I took your sheet music. I can’t explain why I felt like I needed to take it.” He took her hand in his and placed her music into her open palm. “Will you play it?”

“Of course,” she smiled without any sense of the hesitation that had once made its home inside her for so long. She gazed into his attentive eyes as she placed her fingers onto the piano keys. Taking a moment to center herself, she gave into his watchful eyes. 

She felt him in her heart even though she had never touched his skin. The spark in his gaze inspired her as she placed her fingers onto the piano keys. The light from him gave her life as the sun gives life to a flower. 

She began to play their song as he watched her fingers dance across the keys. As she played the ballad, the melody seemed to play across his heart strings. He fought the urge to reach out to her and pull her to him, but he didn’t want the music to stop. Her body was untouchable while her music was accessible. 

She took her hands from the piano and looked at him, unafraid of his reaction.

“How did you do that?” His question was accented with his boyish smile.  “It must be wonderful to have that living in you.” 

“It hasn’t been living in me. It has been dormant in me.” She confidently added, “Until now.”

“I wish I could play piano so that I could be a part of something that beautiful.” His yearning was for both her song and her spirit. 

“Come here,” she said as she reached for his forearm. “Your painting inspired it. You should be a part of it.” She pulled him to stand behind her as she played, feeling his tall frame crowd around her back.

She reached back, and took his hands and placed them over hers on the keys of the piano. As she aligned his fingers, he flipped her hands over so he could see her fingertips.

“You have paint on your fingertips.” He looked at the keys. “It’s on the piano keys from when you were playing the song.”

Pulling her hands into fists, she tried to hide the colors that had landed there.

“I saw your painting. I couldn’t resist touching it. I didn’t know the paint wasn’t completely dry. I’m afraid I left my fingerprints on your painting.”

He reached to her clasped hands and unfurled her fingers to once again reveal its colors. He gently stroked her fingers while inspecting the colors from his painting on her skin. 

“Your fingerprints were all over the painting before you ever saw it.”

He squeezed her hand and noticed the paint from his art palette on his fingertips was tinting both of their hands.

“You too?” she whispered as she traced her fingers across the colors on his hands. A subtle smile found its way to her lips as she once again conformed his hands over hers. 

She began playing the song with her painted fingertips as he placed his long fingers over hers. She closed her eyes as his body enclosed her from behind. Her breaths quickened as she felt his head resting into the curve of her neck. As the stubble on his face rubbed against her skin, his exhales found their way into her ear.

As soon as the song ended, he stood upright, trailing his hands up her arms and resting them on her shoulders. Overcome by an urgent need to erase the space between them, she stood and walked around the piano bench into his waiting arms. His breathing became ragged as he traced the curve of her face leaving a path of color in its wake. 

His pulse quickened as her face softened into a contented smile. As he looked into her eyes, he knew he had found her. Open and trusting. He knew he belonged to only her. 

Unable to resist her lips, he leaned down and brushed a sweet and feathery kiss onto her mouth. Her body arched toward him and asked him to caress her lips again and again with his kisses. Kissing her seemed instinctual, as if his desire for her was written into his DNA. 

Cradling her head, he released her ponytail, freeing her hair. As he brought his hand to stroke her hair, he gave her the kisses that her lips craved. A cold shiver went up his spine contrasting against the warm flush of her face. 

The rhythm of her breathing pushed her passion toward him and his desire to kiss her became more insistent. The touch of her fingertips pressing into his back invited him to court her with his affectionate kisses. 

She pulled herself from his kisses resting her cheek against his chest. She seemed to be giving them a respite from the passion that had overtaken them. He breathed in the clean wafting scent of her hair that somehow seemed familiar. He lingered in the moment with the anticipation of watching a distant wave as it made it way closer, crashing onto the shore. 

When his kisses could wait no longer, he guided her face upward. The two of them were thunder and lightning and wind and flooding all at once as they gave into their passions for each other. 

Catching her breath, she murmured into his mouth, “Thank God I kept a place in my music for your magic.”

He pulled away to afford a better look at her face. Her paint smeared gaze was music to his soul. He couldn’t help but smile and shake his head to revel at his good fortune. 

Leaning forward, he huskily murmured into her ear, “I want your hues in everything I paint.”

He nuzzled his stubbled cheek against her face. “Let's start with this,” he said as   he motioned toward the painting and the piano without releasing his easy hold that held her. “What should we call the song?” He pulled back to witness the smile that he sensed was dawning across her face. 

She laced her fingers around his neck and countered, “What did you call your painting?”

“Lavender. And your song is Jasmine?” She gave him a questioning look. “It was written on the paper.”

A flash of an idea appeared across her face. 

“Lavender and Jasmine?” she giggled. 

“Same title for both of them? The song and the painting!” 

For both.

For the first time, she no longer felt a dissonance in the pit of her stomach. He had led her to a place where she could discover what she had to say with her music. She could now lean into the creativity that brought her true happiness. 

He glanced over at the painting and realized that it was the first time he had painted something for himself. The perceived judgements, and obligations toward his family’s fortunes were now out of the picture. Their respect and admiration didn’t need to be earned. It was art for art’s sake. 

Turning away from the painting, he planted a sweet loving kiss onto her forehead. 

“So, do you think we should talk to the landlord about fixing the keycards?” he teased.

“Absolutely not!” she smiled as she reached up and smoothed his tousled hair. 

He leaned forward pressing his forehead against hers. They both glanced over to the piano and the painting. The rhythm of their breaths harmonized as the colors of the painting sang to them.

The music and the paint merged into one masterpiece encompassing both their souls.

@eleanor-bradstreet @colettebronte @faye-tale @broooookiecrisp

@queen-of-the-misfit-toys

[liyazaki]

You angel. I'm sorry if my rec (sooner or later) added to your workload, I sent it as a y/n? What do you think? Most BB songs feel like VP songs. Casual emotional destruction and all that.

I do want to know what you think needs to happen for Pete to consider letting Vegas back in? What would satisfy you? Or is the whole thing too damned to hell?

don’t apologize; I did it to myself. I got way too many music asks to break down my thoughts on each one, so making little GIF + lyric ‘poems’ was just easier. plus, as a GIFFer (gross word), clearly I’m a ho for a visual. I enjoyed doing it 💖 (still far from done, actually, but it’s 3AM & that’s a ‘problem’ for tomorrow). couldn’t agree with you more about the BB song overlap- and oof, “casual emotional destruction”? poetic.

here’s the thing: for better or worse (and in this case, it’s really the worst), Vegas is already in. he’s beyond in, actually- he’s so far under Pete’s skin that he’s shattered him.

their connection is the kind that burns like a brand & leaves scars as proof it was there. Pete didn’t ask for this, but it’s here anyway. the most beautiful aspects of Pete- his unwavering compassion, his way of always, always seeing the good in people, despite every reason he has not to- opened the door that allowed Vegas in.

it’s no fault of Pete’s; it’s who he is- and can we really fault Vegas, either? he’s barely seen the depths of caring we know Pete is capable of within the extremely limited, charged context they’ve known each other in- and yet, that little sliver of hope has shaken the foundation of Vegas’s world. this is all new to him, and it’s got to feel like the emotional equivalent of a finding an oasis in the desert.

there’s no going back for either of them. this isn’t a typical relationship that functions in any kind of healthy way, so my usual answers wouldn’t apply here. in my opinion, it would take much more than one episode- all we have left, unless we get a S2- for their story to conclude in a healthy way.

which honestly, I’m OK with- because their story isn’t a healthy one. to borrow from another classic tragedy, “these violent delights have violent ends.” we aren’t attracted to these kind of romances because they make sense or are made to last- they can’t last.

speaking from personal experience, that kind of love often makes you forget you have agency to begin with. like a forest fire, it swallows you whole and you forget what life was like- what you were like- before it.

and just like a forest fire, we can’t look away, either. destruction can be gorgeous, and even feel like ecstasy- at first. many people would happily volunteer to go up in emotional flames if it meant they got to experience that deep of a mutual connection for themselves.

to get back to your original question: all it took was a couple sentences from Vegas to have Pete literally falling to his knees outside of that bar, reaching a hand out tenderly to stroke his face- the imprisonment, beatings and abuse be damned.

so for me, the question isn’t what Vegas would need to do for Pete to let him back in. it’s will he find a way to be worthy of him now that he so irrevocably is?

send me VP asks, song recs (no more please), etc.

[akkivee]

so bat and bb minus ichiro meeting up in arb!!!

saburo had called the mc to meet him and jiro in akihabara (a very popular place for anime/otaku culture and you should check it out if you manage to go to japan one day!!!) because he traced a lead on the whereabouts of the mc’s master to a maid cafe. bat coincidentally happened to be visiting the same cafe, even came in literal moments prior to 2️⃣3️⃣ coming in, because jyushi heard about maid cafes from his friends and wanted to check one out lol. jyushi kicks the whole thing off like this tho and it’s pretty much the whole mood of this entire maid cafe experience lmao

maid a: welcome in, master~~ kyun kyun⭐️

jyushi: *chuckles* i have been welcomed to this feast for survival with such hustling enthusiasm………

edgy speak tl: wow we just walked in here and i already want to leave

kuukou and hitoya fuss at jyushi for a bit and it’s so funny to watch jyushi doing his edgy speak but kuukou and hitoya are very obviously replying to the translated text underneath his strange statements lmao anyway 2️⃣3️⃣ walk in with mc just then and jiro gets pretty flustered over the maid greeting like the otaku he is lol. the mc then notices bat!!! the mc introduces them to 2️⃣3️⃣ as the ‘three nice guys who helped him out the other day’ and then they’re seated at their tables. jiro tried to talk to the maid that greeted 2️⃣3️⃣, asking for the person their lead tracked to but their lead turns out to be their maid for this trip, who promptly seated them. jiro and saburo very quickly catch on they aren’t going to get any information out of her unless they spend money in the cafe lol except

jiro: i guess let’s check out the menu then….. everything’s so expensive????

saburo: huh??? this is just some low end kitschy cafe there’s no way— why is this so expensive??????

they out here charging $30 for a rice omelette and $8-10 for condiments lol bat went through the same ‘hf this stuff is expensive’ crisis 2️⃣3️⃣ did and decided to order drinks and leave (coffee for hitoya, coke for kuukou and hot cocoa for jyushi.) 2️⃣3️⃣, watching them, immediately decide to order drinks as well since it’s the least expensive thing on the menu, at a whopping $15 lol 😭 (jiro got coke, saburo got iced tea and the mc nervously chose between their choices depending on what the player picked lol) on bat’s side we’re treated to some good old hitoya bitching lol

hitoya: there are two things i can’t stand: the first: restaurants that are obviously price gouging and the second: people who blindly step into such places

kuukou: well i gotta agree with you on that ………

they fuss at jyushi some more lol when the lights suddenly go out and a spotlight shines on the maid serving bat. she announces the start of “attack ⭐️ affection injection!! special love bazooka drink: chugging battle!!!!” the prize if they participate is to have their order for free!! it’s nice for sure but saburo doesn’t really see any point in participating…….. until their lead comes up and tells them she’ll tell them everything if they all participate. and so they do just that lol and bat were pretty much volun-told to do the event lmao but then they reveal the drink

everyone is disgusted lmao

saburo quits immediately lol, much to jiro’s indignation, and gives a long winded explanation why it really isn’t necessary to drink this which prompts hellion extraordinaire, harai kuukou, to laugh at them and mock them for giving up before it’s even started. jiro gets riled up and back talks kuukou’s smack talk which riles kuukou up and before you know it, they’re challenging each other to who can finish the drink fastest. it a ‘battle between men!!’ as jiro dubs it lol

and so it begins!!!!!

it is truly an awful drink lmao

but!!!! neither jiro nor kuukou can give up here!!!! and they start chugging the drink to the shock and horror of the others. jyushi and saburo can’t believe what they’re seeing. hitoya recognizes their pride is really carrying them right now. hitoya begs kuukou to think about his body as he begins to falter; he doesn’t have to do this!! saburo tries to reason with jiro; this is meaningless!!! if he goes down here ichi-nii will be devastated!!! but jiro perseveres, and tells saburo that he can count on to finish this, he’s his older brother after all. saburo mournfully calls out for his brother as he begins to chug the monstrous drink even faster. and then the maid starts the final countdown—!!!

kuukou finishes his drink with only two seconds to spare and jiro slams his empty cup in the final second. kuukou won the battle!!!!

he starts to flex his win but that drink instantly starts coming up lol and saburo rushes to jiro’s side, whose mourning his loss and can barely get the words out. saburo consoles him, and tearfully tells him he doesn’t have to say a word (lmao) kuukou walks up to jiro tho, to let him know he’s pretty amazing!!!! he’s already looking forward to their next battle and jiro vows that he’s not going to lose next time!!! 💪🔥

and so bad ass temple takes their leave and the battle draws to a close 😌

[messerkampf]

Aaa it's so nice to see other Shadowrun fans on here 🥺 I just recently returned to Tumblr and now my blog is turning into a shadowrun art blog. You seem like you know a lot about the Shadowrun games! I've never played them before actually! I've only played the Tabletop (and still am!) so I guess my question is, is it's worth getting into now? I've had Shadowrun HK in my steam library forever now admittedly. Is there a certain order I should play?

Aaaaa welcome back!

I’m basically the inverse of you— the games were my introduction and now I’m trying to plunge into the 5e books 👀 I bought a corebook and two additional ones and I’m slowly carving through it and I’m very excited :]

Oh absolutely the games are worth it— I’ve only played Dragonfall and Hong Kong and not Returns, so I can’t speak for Returns, but the writing on the other two have made them rank among my top favorite games. I think Hong Kong is my favorite of the two, but just barely, because both are very good.

It’s always going to be difficult to emulate a ttrpg experience, since games will lack the complete freedom of choice you get in person, but both games give you lots of choices both in missions, the main story (with multiple endings), your parties, and even your backstory. It gives you plenty of role play moments that both effect the story and moments that don’t, but give you input and personality anyway.

Missions never felt overtly linear to me— there’s lots of options based on who in the party you bring and your own stats, and combat is fun and has enjoyable strategy, but also avoidable on some missions.

I was always excited to come back from a mission because there would be new Shadownet BBS posts and new dialogue with the NPCs back at the hub, and all of it is rich in character and lore (especially Hong Kong, but Dragonfall is good for it too).

They just feel very rich in story and character and it’s a blast both to play and replay. I loved it enough to get a soundtrack on vinyl akabdksjsns

Hong Kong is a great one to start with— there can be some jank in any of the games sometimes around combat balance, but honestly it’s more of a nuisance than anything. HK has my favorite setting and incredible character interactions and stories, and I definitely recommend talking to everyone and always checking Shadownet after each outting.

I feel like Dragonfall is a bit shorter, and it came before HK, so HK ironed out a few more of the kinks in gameplay, but both are very darn good and I’d happily recommend them both :] they’re also pretty replayable IMO, which is a nice bonus!

I intend to go back and play Returns bc I’m hungry for more content, and it’s set in Seattle, but from what I’ve seen there isn’t a set party that you stick with, and it’s the first in the series of games, so it’s a bit different play wise, but I’ll get to it eventually aksbdjsjsj

[daylighteclipsed]

not sure if you’ve ever talked about this before, but what do you think about the theory that part of why Kairi acts so weird is because she’s a princess of heart and, because she has no darkness in her heart, she literally cannot feel negative emotions? I personally have never really believed it because A. I think that gives the writing staff too much credit for her terrible writing, B. She’s definitely shown to have some ugly emotions before and C. The other princesses in question definitely have negative traits but. I still find it really interesting as a concept at least; maybe not taken to the full extreme of “no negative emotions,” but the idea that something about her makes it difficult for her to express or identify those

I say nothing’s out of the question, but it does feel like we’re giving the writers too much credit here. Like you said, we’ve seen other Princesses of Heart feel and express negative emotions before.

I personally don’t subscribe to the idea that there are any hearts in the KH universe that are all light or all dark. I think that goes against one of the series major messages about the nature of people. Xehanort’s attempts to create a heart of pure light fail because it’s just not possible. A heart is both. It needs both. So. Until we get a canon explanation, I see PoH as either A. people with abnormally large amounts of light but no less darkness than the average person, or B. people with abnormally bright light making it seem as though there’s more light than darkness in their heart when they have the same ratio as everyone else. The light just shines so bright that it conceals some (or most) of the darkness.

B makes the most sense to me. It’s the only way Elsa can be a PoH despite her nearly falling to darkness. And it might give us some insight as to how the power of love works in the KH universe. “So love has filled both [Anna and Elsa’s] hearts with light.” I think it’s easier for a PoH to use the power of love to create miracles than the average person because they have this naturally bright light. But that power’s not inaccessible to everyday people, just harder to use. When a heart is full of love, when someone is wishing and believing with all their heart, for just a moment, their light shines as bright as a PoH, and they make the impossible possible.

That said, we can argue the brightness of the light may affect how a PoH processes their emotions because so much love and positivity is needed for a heart to shine so brightly for a moment, let alone all the time (generally speaking). So negative feelings are maybe less likely to impact a PoH as much as the everyday person. Maybe the PoH feels these emotions less, so it’s much harder for darkness to overwhelm them. The brightness of the heart’s light acts as a buffer for things like resentment or despair… It’s an interesting idea for sure.

But it doesn’t excuse Kairi having as much character as a piece of cardboard lol A girl less prone to negativity than her peers could be really interesting if anything was done with it. Especially because we know experiencing pain, negativity, helps us understand others better — that’s the lesson from ReCoded… Imagine having so much love and compassion for people but not being able to understand their feelings… Someone’s dog died a week ago and you don’t understand why they’re still crying because when your dog died you only felt sad for a day. You know what I’m saying?

When taken to an extreme, that’s what I imagine angels are like. These creatures that feel so much love for humanity but struggle to actually understand humans because they don’t experience negativity (or at least aren’t supposed to)… I think we see a little bit of that in the BBS-generation Keyblade wielders. They’re raised to love and champion everyone, but they don’t really understand people or themselves individually because darkness and negativity are so shamed and demonized. Aqua senses darkness coming from Cinderella’s step-mother and sisters and thinks breaking in to destroy them with her sword of light is an appropriate first course of action aghdheudhshs

Maybe that’s intentional. KH is rife with Christian mythology. Maybe that’s what the lights within the 7 PoH are supposed to be like: angels, hanging out in these hearts until it’s time to move on. Kairi’s got a bit of angel symbolism in her white-winged team attack with Sora…

You could also — at least with the first set of 7 princesses — see it as commentary on the portrayal of classic Disney princesses/women, like those from the 1940s and 50s, and how they weren’t allowed to be angry. They were certainly allowed to weep and despair (for a little bit, as long as it looked pretty), but they couldn’t yell, couldn’t rage, couldn’t hate. I’m thinking of Giselle from Enchanted being surprised (and excited) the first time she experiences anger lol Maybe the lack of anger in Kairi feels unnatural because it is unnatural; these princesses have angels hanging out in their hearts. Iirc, the first time we see Kairi angry is in MoM. The first time! It takes the death of Sora for Kairi to express something even close to hatred.

Do I think Kairi’s written like this on purpose? Because she’s a PoH? Probably not. She has such minimal screen time, it’s hard to say. But there’s a lot in canon to support such a theory.

Edit: I forgot Jasmine and Belle are part of the og 7 PoH. My bad

[alirhi]

10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends

Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.

Putting it under here for easy scrolling:

10: Chase Collins

Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.

9 Jack Benjamin

Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.

8 Chris (Destroyer)

On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.

7 Ben

Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)

6 Mickey Henry

I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.

5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"

Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb

4 Bucky

I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.

3 Chris Beck

Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!

2 TJ Hammond

Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!

So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:

1 Will Franklyn

And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰