#are you really ready to commit?
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#just noticed I had polls and wanted to do something with it don’t worry about it#vanilla extract#tumblr polls#tell me tumblr… how much is the bit worth it to you?#are you really ready to commit?
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gideon cheerfully accepting kremy using suggestion on him left and right (and also being like '*fond smile* aaaaw yeah all the good old times :)' at the implication that kremy has essentially wielded him as a bloodied blunt instrument all these years) has some. hm. kinky implications. perhaps. also narrative/character/interpersonal ones of course but the kink factor here is unspeakable.
why are you as a man freely and gleefully offering the use of your body and occasionally autonomy to another man. why would someone who fought so hard for freedom and agency find such joy and satisfaction in willing submission. who's to say! finally actually having gay sex about this would frankly be less gay than whatever sublimated thing is going on right now
#hey man don't mind control me. unless it's for a really fun reason of course then go ham. gideon baby what is wrong with you (affectionate)#coalecroux#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#gideon coal#kremy lecroux#something something the difference between imprisonment and devotion (and the similarities)#I got to the 'falling in love ain't a crime' episode the other day and now I am just. thinking. feeling. having emotions nonstop#gideon has commitment issues AND he's The Most committed any man has ever been at the same time#he handles this. he handles that. I think he could stand to be handled a bit himself when he's ready for it#(kremy being 98% of gideon's impulse control is also one of the most wonderful throughlines hfksjad)
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For the Spirits—
Chapter VIII: Make You Stay
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
Tell me what you want me to say
—No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine
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Ming had experienced so many different, wonderful things. She had lived, truly lived, and allowed herself to dream of things that had been impossible back in the Academy. Endless possibilities now seemed to lay gently in the palm of her hand. But she would give it all away to vanish the shiver that tore its way down her spine at Yoi’s words. The Prince has genuinely gone mad. He��didn't you hear?—he insists on going on this mysterious quest on his own.
#zutara#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#katara#prince zuko#zutara au#new gods au#spirit touched zuko#atla fic#atla fanfic#atla oc#atla zuko#zuko fanfic#atla au#zutara fic#zutara fanfiction#for the spirits#Chapter VIII: Make You Stay#AKA the It's Time For Zuko To Be A Little Shit chapter#Alternatively the Ming Is About To Commit Regicide chapter#Who can blame her though?#Okay guys please don't kill me#I KNOW I'm stretching this out too much and the pacing isn't really...everyone's cup of tea. But I need you all to trust me.#These scenes are necessary. Fleshing out these characters (even if you don't care about the OCs and just want to jump to ZK—which I get)...#...is also necessary for the story. The multiple povs and the introspection and the ambiguity—everything is there because it needs to be#The intensity will be amped up in the next chapter. You are NOT ready. Believe me.#For those who stick around and spend their free time reading through this muddled story: thank you.#You hold my heart and soul in your hands.#Just...thank you
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An excerpt from training for directed retrieves during my coffee break!
Directed retrieves are a really fun gundog exercise where a dog fetches multiple birds or bumpers in a sequence that you (the handler) ask. They can be marked retrieves (where the dog sees where the bumper fell) or blind retrieves (where the dog doesn't see the fall and you have to guide them with your voice and hands). I'm teaching this mostly as an enrichment activity, but it's an important piece for irl hunting retrievers to ensure birds aren't wasted in the field. I started teaching this exercise by throwing kibble in two different directions while she stood in a heel and then releasing her to them one at a time. This was our first try with directed retrieving of bumpers!
In this video I'm asking Rory to get into heel position (and rewarding that heavily because heel position = best place to be), asking her to stand steady while I throw two bumpers, and then directing her to pick up the first bumper I threw.
The duck bumper (the second one) is her preferred bumper so I chose to throw the paint roller to my left - when I put my hand out to line her up, it sort of blocks her view of the duck bumper so she's more likely to go to the one I want even though she likes the other one better.
Because this was the first time we practiced this exercise with bumpers, I wasn't looking for a perfect retrieve to hand - when I sent her to the duck bumper (not in the video), she dropped it at my feet instead of waiting for me to take it. That's no big deal, we can work towards a tighter retrieve after she gets more confident with the game.
We're going to keep practicing indoors for a while and once she's looking confident (and assuming things don't get too icy) we'll start working outside so we can build distance and speed.
I will also keep practicing lining her up (using my hand to guide her line) so we can start working on send-outs for blind retrieves and commitment to running out in a straight line! I have some ideas on how to use very small pieces of food to start this indoors and then we can move it outdoors in the spring.
She's doing awesome though! I'm really happy with her steadiness and her ability to think through puzzles. It's gonna be a fun winter working on these skills!
#dogblr#rory borealis#my face#bird dog training#steadiness training#retrieve training#at the very beginning of the video you can see her 'opt in' (tell me she's ready to start) by looking at the bumpers on the counter#it's a subtle communication from rory but important because it would have been more frustrating if i started when she wasnt ready#i had just woken her up from a nap because i wanted to work on this while i was waiting for my coffee to brew#i like how she is really understanding steadiness (dont move your feet)#and i was super happy with how well she committed (didnt glance away) once i lined her up#i shouldnt have rewarded her looking up at me before i lined her up because i dont want that#but i thought i was rewarding her standing still#ill time that better on the next rep#one minor issue im having is i always tap her head to release her from heel#and i cant do that if im using my left hand to line her up#im not sure if the correct direction is to fade my line or fade my tap#i think once i figure out which one to do itll build her confidence on the release#i think i want to keep the tap so i might practice lining her up and then moving my hand while she keeps commitment to the line#another piece to work on!#it's cool to see it broken down in tiny pieces tbh#this is an unrelated but adjacent rant:#yesterday on dogbook i saw a post that was asking for recs for high value treats because their dog lost interest#if they couldnt figure out the activity in 30 seconds#and it irks me because if your dog cant figure out what youre asking in 30 seconds#i think your activity is too hard and needs to be broken into smaller pieces#ESPECIALLY with an indepent thinker#sure some dogs will power through uncertainty and frustration but why are you asking them to#look inward and see how you can break it into smaller pieces#(it irks me because it is the exact problem and response i had with mav - live and learn and look back and all that)
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barton creating a drinking game while watching house m.d. on the basis that him and matilda take a shot every time doctor house commits medical malpractice might be both the most dangerous but also genius game ever if you want to get drunk QUICK... a little too quick, if you ask me LMAO
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#nooo but i'm being so serious about barton doing this with matilda sometimes when they've had like a long day or something BC omg...#this man is really out here committing medical malpractice the likes of which doctor TV shows have never seen LMAO#like IDK how frowned upon it is to talk during a TV show as i usually do that with my fam personally but barton is always saying-#stuff like 'oh that would DEFINITELY not fly in a real hospital' or 'jesus christ i cannot wrap my head around how this guy got through-#med school much less RESIDENCY' JSJSJ and by the end of them doing a little marathon of some of the episodes they're like-#wiped out + ready to go to bed which was the plan OFC but that also just tells you how many shots they had because they've-#both got a high tolerance to alcohol 💀 lolll
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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Mayta Knight day 4 - Loss
this is one of those comics you can easily tell was unscripted but 1. the loss of one’s self is probably one of my favorite themes ever and 2. i infect everything i draw with fluff (apparently)
bonus:
#text in notes !!#as you can probably tell i did some very bad editing on this one#I REALLY hated how some of the panels turned out so#this is the only way it’s somewhat presentable okay#pen art struggles#you can just pretend it doesn’t look like mk’s poking kirby in the eye…#anyway yea this is my maskless mk headcanon#the paw pads are very much just because i like drawing them#and i love when people give him scars and all but im not good at drawing those and keeping them consistent n whatnot#and then ill have to commit to deciding whether he’s fluffy or not and im not ready…#kirby#kirbyposting#meta knight#metadad#mayta knight#my art#seriously someone tell me how that works#oh. Yeah. and ignore 5 finger mk. please. Please i dont want to redraw this LMAO
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Ahah yeah, Bethesda's portrayal of drugs addicts is soo bad, like, how could they do that to Cait's arc uh? Stupid Bethesda writers
*sweating while swiping the quests in New Vegas were you heal drug addicts by passing a speech checks and giving them a drug cocktail under the rug*
Totally stupid am i right? And why is it only with Cait and not our favourite ghoul addict? B-bullshit i say
*my hands tremble as i close Cass's never addressed alcholism in a drawer that i franticallly lock with a fast turn of a key*
#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#fo4 cait#fallout new vegas#i know two wrongs don't make a right but listen#i spent too much time reading of how Bethesda fucked up drug addiction#i get it ok#i really get it#Cait's quest is not a good way of doing a recovery arc#but at least it conveys some sort of commitment#she's asking you for help and is ready to risk her ass going against gunners#she's determined enough to go through the evil chair to get better#while in new vegas you are just like#speech 35% “hey looser you should stop doing meth#have a cocktail of fentanyl and endorphines that will fix your addiction“#and everything is fine#and you litterally recruit cass by enabling her alcholism#and that's never talked about#tw addiction#tw drugs#tw substance abuse
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The Duchess Affair expects me to believe that Nat wouldn’t get bored within his first few months of marriage to MC and go back to weaseling his way into the beds of the neglected and horny women of high society? Ok
#anti tda#anti Nat pippin#choices#choices stories you play#playchoices#Nat is another one that I just can’t believe is ready for commitment or would ever really want it#guy didn’t give a rat’s ass about anything other than the next time he could get his dick wet throughout the whole story#tbh I honestly think it wouldn’t have even gotten to the duel if PB held true to their characterizations#but going along with how everything played out that’s for sure another marriage that’s just not lasting 😬#or at least not remaining a happy one#best case scenario is MC leaves him after he returns to his old ways and maybe goes to live with Louise in shame#worst case is she decides to stay with him despite everything and they end up living in squalor#bc Nat can’t keep it in his pants and therefore can’t keep a job 💀#choices app
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have to take a little moment after talking with halsin, brb
#giggling and kicking my legs#just thinking about how he says that 'you're all i want but i don't want to stop from you from exploring' like you really love me huh????#i saw someone saying in reddit that halsin isn't ready to commit and wants to 'fuck around' like what drugs are you on#he is literally so devoted to you??? he doesn't want anyone else himself he says that when you ask about your relationship???#he's just willing to your heart (also what he says in game)#wdym he wants to fuck around#halsin and tav's relationship being open/non-monogomous doesn't mean they don't love each other like what#leave him alone <3#💬#bg3 ramblings#share your heart*
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#how do i express that while it is not realistic or even desirable for everyone to strive for a monastic life or a life dedicated to pacifism#i think it's actually a really fucking important perspective to exist in the world. we need true pacifists among us. not all of us. but som#not everyone can or should dedicate themselves to meditating on and preserving the inherent sacredness of life BUT SOMEONE HAS TO.#i see a lot on here about how it's not immoral and is in fact necessary to fight back against bigotry by any means necessary#but i am of the opinion that it goes both ways.#i think it's stupid and naive and self important to believe that fighting against oppression and establishing peace are one and the same#individualism has poisoned you guys so bad that you're walking around thinking that there's a specific philosophy or mindset#that is the opposite of oppression and that every progressive should eventually arrive at. it isn't true. it doesn't exist.#that's my problem with [redacted] too but yall aren't ready for that one.#you guys are full of ideas that you think are new and radical but are irrevocably based in a western perspective#diversity in society means diversity in mentality.#someone who commits themselves to doing no harm to anyone or anything ever is not an inherent enemy or in antithesis to leftism.#this feels like such a 'making up a guy to get mad at' thing as im typing it but i don't think it is.#i think it's dishearteningly common for passionate and angry progressive fighters to assert that the only way to make a better world#is for everyone to feel and think and act like them and throw out or convert anyone who doesn't.#i don't think it's productive. i think it alienates and individualizes people who ultimately want the same ends and should be collaborating#okay im done now
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Not me crying because I had a really bad beginning of 2023 and signed up for a program that would proceed to make the rest of my 2023 rough and I spent the whole first three months of 2023 trying to pick myself up and motivate myself like "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" and well look at that I made it
#timeline for anyone not in the loop:#Late 2022: Moved a thousand miles from home to Oregon for a new job. I love LOVE the area.#new job gives me very nice salary so I get myself a nice apartment all to myself#January 2023: Company I moved for decides to close Oregon location. Offers me choice to relocate again to CA this time#*panic because I can't afford my apartment without that salary and I'm still on a lease for 7 more months. Also I love Oregon so much*#*continue to panic because there are no other companies nearby doing that same type of niche work so I'd be giving up my career if i stay*#February: Ultimately decide to stay in OR and figure it out. Look into my options#March: Sign up for an accelerated program to learn software engineering#Interview for it and get accepted. Take out loan to pay rent so I can stay in apartment where I'm settled and comfortable and can focus#My last day at my old company comes and I am officially unemployed#April: Start the program. Most bootcamps are 3 months. This one is 7-8 months. Up to 11ish if you struggle and need to repeat some sections#It's like 70-80 hours a week of commitment to both classes and homework#Mentally prepare myself for the rest of 2023 to be hell and possibly early 2024#Still no idea how well I'll pick up software engineering so I might struggle and take up to 11 months#May through November: thankfully it turns out I'm really good at picking up the logic. I successfully complete in 7 months#December: My brain shuts down for a bit to rest and recover. Still unemployed but feeling optimistic and ready to hit the job hunt#Bring it on 2024. Bring it on#mine#memories
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i think what gets me most about aoki’s death is that it is the perfect allegory for how rgg treats its antagonists: even if the antagonist is willing to change or implies they’re ready to start over, even if the protagonist is ready to accept them and help them move forward, even if it’s the very last second before the start of their redemption can begin, rgg has to throw in the BIGGEST Fuck You and stop any kind of progress from happening and kill them off before they can either change for the better, or justly face the consequences of their actions and get their comeuppance
ironically it’s like a stab in the back- like even if you want to change for the better, you’re doomed to the path you set out on and there’s nothing you can do to stop that now no matter how earnest you are in wanting to change and no matter who’s there to guide you to a better future (or at least get you to jail)
#y7 spoilers#spoilers#snap chats#always have to slap this Big Ass Disclaimer but aoki was cringe. terrible even. awful.#but i just wish rgg would stop setting up perfect opportunities for these characters to grow#and they'd stop preaching about how you can restart no matter what and people will always be ready to support you to do so#only for them to rip it out of our hands: its such a hollow message when you don't actually commit to it#EVEN BEYOND THAT I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO GET IN TROUBLE FFS#CAN SOMEONE GO TO JAIL. AT LEAST SAWASHIRO GETS TO GO TO PRISON#IT'S THE WAY I CHEERED WHEN I HEARD HE WAS IN JAIL AND SAW HIM IN THERE LIKE YES !!!! FINALLY !!!#ACTUALLY ENDURING THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS THAT DOESN'T END IN YOUR DEATH /GOD/#sawashiro was no innocent man but it was clear he wanted to make amends for what he did to aoki as a baby#and im glad that when that plan started to go sideways bro allowed himself to be incarcerated#he didn't game end himself and he didn't run- it just sucks hoshino had to die as a result like OK Champ You Didn't Have To Do That#but still it was just refreshing to actually have a semi-major antagonist have to deal with his actions#still it was refreshing actually having a semi-major antagonist have to be responsible for what he did that didnt end in his death#or random disappearance. ugh now im just remembering hamazaki like hamazaki wasn't a major antagonist at all#but it was really nice seeing him turn around in y4- only for. only for him to die.#girls that's the closest we're going to get to a redeemed villain like Actually have you guys considered that.#i mean ig baba too if you wanna count that but he was a villain for a total of twenty minutes collectively tbh lets be honest#ugh but not even he gets a concrete ending- like i guess he goes back to jail right? i guess#im rambling point is Welcome Back To My Aoki's Death Rant For The Seventh Week In A Row#feeling saucy today im not hiding my rambling in the tags for once SORRY i just#i just realized why this death makes me the most pissed compared to everyone else#ugh should i do a follow up rant on the other deaths ? cast your votes now if you read this far 🥴
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*through gritted teeth* im smart the SAT is not a good or clear measurement of intelligence and just because someone does better than me doesnt mean i am lesser or not smart grrrgrrr
#worst part of trying to be healthier in the mental aspect is fighting with your insecurities#ive worked really hard to be at the level of everyone else who only needs to do a fraction of what i do#it shows that im committed and hardworking but my brain is then like Wow you arent effortlessly intelligent?? kinda cringe nggl..#which is objectively not true#id rather work hard than do nothing at all <- Dissentigrating#im not ready to TAKE THIS DAMN TEST…
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Joan of fart
#haha nice#really got em there#thank you#no problem me#i love you#woah okay now im not ready for that type of commitment
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