#are we arguing about eddie's sexuality again is that what's happening. guys come on i thought we were past this

[twocutlines]

i love seeing little scraps of drama i have genuinely no idea about surfacing and trying to piece together what is going on like the world's least cool detective. it's a fun game for me

[eyesofshinigami]

Eddie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Rating: T

CW: None

Tags: Established relationship, Eddie Munson loves Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington loves Eddie Munson, very very mild sexual content (blink and miss it)

Prompt: For @lihhelsing "Love is helping them unwind after a rough day"

WC: 852

Written for @steddielovemonth Day 19

Eddie knew it was going to be a bad day as soon as he woke up. He managed to stub his toe twice on the way to the shower. His waffles got burnt in the toaster and they were out of syrup. He missed the bus by a minute, watching it drive away from the stop just as he ran up to it. It started raining while he was waiting for the next bus, so of course he got drenched.

He hoped that it had ended there, but no. Eddie got to work fifteen minutes late due to a traffic jam, wet and hungry and already done with today. His boss yelled at him and put him on tape-sorting duty, marking down the new shipment of tapes. Of course, halfway through, his pen exploded and covered him and the sheet he was using, so he had to start over.

By the time the end of his shift had rolled around, Eddie was tired, had a headache the size of Montana, and he was ready to throw himself into the void. Mack, the other guy on shift, patted him on the back and all it did was make his skin crawl. 

The journey home wasn’t much better. The bus was late again, and Eddie couldn’t find a seat so he had to stand. The bottom of his sneaker apparently acquired a random hole and he had to walk back to their apartment with wet socks.

Eddie was done. He was so fucking done that all he wanted to do was crawl into the bed and cry until he couldn’t anymore. He also hoped that Steve wasn’t home yet from work; he was scared that something bad would happen, like they would end up arguing or not speaking to each other.

What Eddie didn’t expect was to come home to a house that smelled a little like heaven. It was warm and he called out, “Steve? That you?” 

“Yup! In the kitchen!”

Eddie toed off his shoes and stripped out of his still damp jacket and hung it up on the rack. He still felt really keyed up from the day he had, so he steeled himself against his own feelings and headed into the kitchen. 

Their table was set. A lasagna was cooling in the center, set on a potholder right next to a spray of daisies. Two beers were set beside their plates, still cold enough that condensation was gathering on the glass. 

Steve himself is dressed in comfortable clothes, bent over the oven and pulling out what looked like cheesy garlic bread. Fuck, if it wasn’t all of Eddie’s favorite things wrapped up in one beautiful little scene. “Hey! I must have timed it just right!”

Eddie felt tears starting to gather in his eyes. “How… how did you know?”

Steve set the garlic bread down on the stove and pulled off his oven mitts before he reached up to cup Eddie’s cheek. “I heard you this morning. And then Mack called me before you left, saying you’d had a pretty shit day. So… I got home a little early and wanted to surprise you with something good.”

Okay, yeah, Eddie was absolutely going to cry now. “For me?”

“Of course, baby. After dinner, I figured we could take a bath together and I could wash your hair? Then we could crawl into bed and watch that new Beetlejuice movie? I grabbed it on the way home.”

“Steve… that…” It sounded incredible. It was perfect. So why was Eddie blubbering like he’d just been told his dog died? 

But Steve, wonderful, beautiful Steve, seemed to just understand. “Because you deserve it. You had a bad day, and I just wanted to make it better. You’d do the same for me, have done it in the past. Let me take care of you, okay?” 

What else could Eddie do but nod?

Dinner was delicious, Eddie ate until he couldn’t anymore, realizing he’d forgotten to eat lunch in the midst of the rest of his terrible day. He listened to Steve talk about what he’d done that day, letting his boyfriend’s words wash over him. 

The bath was just as nice. Even if they were two grown men, they managed to squeeze themselves into their tiny tub. It was ridiculous, but it made Eddie laugh and he felt light for the first time since he’d woken up that morning. Steve had washed his hair, took his time rubbing conditioner through Eddie’s curls, and then it ended up with them wrapping hands around each other’s cock and Eddie panting into Steve’s mouth.

Fuck, but he loved this man so much. 

Loose from the bath and from his orgasm, Eddie crawled into bed with Steve and curled up as the movie started.

“Love you, Eds,” Steve murmured, kissing the top of his head. He grabbed the remote from the bedside table to fast forward through the previews.

Ed smiled into Steve’s collarbone. The day might have started pretty fucking awful, but Steve had turned it right around. Now, it felt like the best day ever.

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter 3: We All Need Therapy

Season One | Season Two | Season Three | Season Four

Raining Hellfire: Season Four

Word Count: 3455 words

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of visions

[A/N: needed a steve moment, enjoy]

We All Need Therapy

You watch as Max walks into Ms. Kelley’s house, giving you a brief nod before the door shuts behind her.

“Okay, she’s in.” Steve announces and Dustin rolls his eyes.

“I’m missing collarbones, not eyes.” Dustin comments and you smirk, holding in your laugh.

“So…” Dustin starts after a moment of silence, and you turn to look at him as Steve’s eyes stay focused on the house.

Max had told you in her letters that he had become protective of her. You were grateful, knowing Steve looked out for her when you couldn’t. He may joke about being the babysitter, but he was a better role model to the kids than any of the males in their families had ever been.

“We gonna talk about it?”

You frown, noticing that he was looking to Steve who eventually glances back at him. “Huh? Sorry, talk about what?”

“Your temporary insanity earlier today when you basically threw yourself at Nance?”

You held your breath as Steve’s eyes widened, shifting his gaze between you and Dustin.

“Okay, look, that’s not what happened-” Steve tries, Dustin shaking his head at his answer.

“Pretty sure that’s what happened.” Dustin replies and you clear your throat.

“Do you guys want me to…” You gesture to the outside but Dustin continues.

“It was pretty public. There were a lot of witnesses.” Dustin says before leaning forward and tilting his head at you, “Even Y/n saw it, right?”

“Come on, dude, don’t drag her into this.” Steve sighs as you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

“Y/n.” Dustin ignores him, staring at you and waiting for an answer.

“Uh…” You look to Steve, something buried in the bottom of your stomach, twisting, “Well… you did kind of… maybe…”

Steve widens his eyes, “You implying I still have a thing for Nance?”

“No, we’re not implying it.” Dustin argued, “We’re stating it.”

Steve rolls his eyes and you focus on the house, trying to zone out of the conversation.

“And, as it relates to your steadfast refusal to date Robin, it’s pretty much the only logical explanation.”

“That’s not the only one.” Steve mumbles.

You let out a snort of laughter, eyes widening when Dustin looks at you confused.

Robin had told you about her sexuality not long after the mall fire, quickly becoming relieved when you shared your own. If anything, it brought you closer knowing you could relate to eachother without judgement. She even told you about how Steve reacted and it made your heart happy to know he had learnt and grown from his past mistakes. He really wasn’t the boy he used to be in high school.

“Sorry.” You mutter, leaning with your arm rested against the window ledge, hand covering your mouth.

“Unless you two are a thing?” Dustin suddenly suggests and you both go silent.

Dustin’s eyes widen. “Oh. My. God.”

“Dustin-” You try but he’s already grinning.

“It’s perfect!” He smiles, patting you both on the shoulder as he shared his delight. “You know, I always thought Y/n and Eddie were a good match, but you two are literally so similar and different at the same time, why didn’t I think of it before? Best friends turned enemies turned best friends again, turned lovers- and how you both do the same thing when you’re annoyed like when you both pinch your noses or put your hands on your hips, you were made for-”

“Dustin!” You grab his face in both of your hands, frowning.

“I’m still with Suzie.” He mumbles, cheeks squished together and you release him with a sigh.

“And I’m happy for you. But Steve and I…”

“You got it wrong, buddy.” Steve says and you both catch eachother’s eyes, something unspoken laying between you.

“Damn.” Dustin, leant back in his seat, folding his arms. “Could still work.”

“And as for Nance,” Steve changes the subject, avoiding your eyes for clarity, “I was just trying to protect a friend. A friend, Henderson. Okay?”

“Okay.” Dustin said in disbelief.

“Don’t wanna find her in the morning with her eyes sucked out of her skull by this Vecna creep.”

“You’re bright red in the face right now.” Dustin comments and sure enough, you notice a little blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“No I’m not.” He shakes his head, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Oh-kay.” Dustin mocks and despite the situation, you giggle.

“Not you too.” Steve groans and you shrug.

“What? Do you usually just spontaneously turn into a beetroot?” You question mockingly.

Dustin laughs loudly as if it was the funniest joke he had ever heard and Steve gets frustrated.

“Stop, I’ll punch you so hard your teeth will fall back out.”

“Whoa.” You stop, shaking your head.

“Too far.” Dustin says and Steve nods sincerely.

“Not cool.” Steve agrees, eyes wide, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

There’s an awkward silence until they bump fists, making you roll your eyes with a smile. Their bond was truly unbreakable.

“Look, man. Why don’t you just, I don’t know, walk around?” Steve suggests and you raise your eyebrow.

“Why-” Dustin glances between you both before smirking, “Oh, I see. I see you.”

“No, that’s not it.” Steve warns as Dustin opens the car door, stepping out.

“Don’t worry.” Dustin nods knowingly, “I’ll give you two some space.”

“I-” Steve breathes out when Dustin shuts the door, walking just up ahead where he could get a better view of the house, never leaving your line of sight.

Now in the car with Steve alone, you both stare at the house in silence.

“How… how was Florida?” Steve suddenly asks, still staring at the house.

“Uh…” You frown, “Good.”

“Good.” He nods quickly.

“Good.” You nod back.

Another beat of silence, causing you to take a breath.

“How’s... work?”

“It’s…” Steve tightens his lips, still nodding, “It’s good.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, good.”

More silence. The awkward tension suddenly becomes too much for you both as you turn to eachother.

“Okay this is so stupid-”

“We shouldn’t be this awkward-”

You both sigh at the same time and end up bursting into laughter.

“I’m sorry.” You finally say after the laughter had died down. “I shouldn’t have just left without saying anything.”

Steve seems to think about his words for a minute before leaning back into his seat. “Why did you?”

You take a breath, “I hate goodbyes. And goodbyes always finalise things, you know? I- I didn’t want to say it because if I did then I would realise that I was never coming back-”

“You weren’t going to come back?” He frowns and you slowly shake your head, “Then… what made you come back?”

“… I-”

“If you say you had a bad feeling one more time I will scream.” He says, nodding, “And I’m terrible at it. Like my voice will crack and it’ll sound more like someone got a hold of a really hairy bird and started strangling it.”

“That was... vivid.” You laugh, but he stares at you, waiting for an answer. “But I don’t want to-”

“Robin called you, didn’t she?” Steve says with a knowing look and you sigh. “I knew it.”

“She was worried.” You defend, shifting in your seat to properly face him, “And she told me not to come.”

“I think she underestimated how selfless you are.”

His words were shrugged off by a mocking grin but the emotion felt the same. He was right, after all. But you would never see it that way.

“I’m not going back to Florida.” You suddenly say and his eyes widen, head shaking at you.

“What? No, you can’t give up on that just because of all this. You deserve-”

“I can’t go back.” You interrupt him, tilting your head as you stare down at the small dark red stain on your jumper sleeve, “That’s it for me.”

“Did you get expelled or something?” Steve shakes his head, confused.

You bite your tongue. “Basically, yeah.”

“Basically?”

“Carol goes there.” You sigh and he frowns for a moment before realisation hits.

“Carol Perkins?” Steve’s face twists with disgust and a smirk plays on your lips.

“The one and only.”

“Shit.” He stares out of the windscreen, memories clearly playing in his mind, “You shouldn’t let her ruin it for you.”

“Too late.” You shrug and he raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to elaborate. “She, uh… let’s just say she got a hold of something that is very bad for me. Not just reputation wise, I don’t care about that stuff, but… I’m not going back there anytime soon.”

“Therapy files?” Once your breath hitches, Steve’s theory becomes fact and he sighs, “Maybe you can, I don’t know, do an exchange thing or just move-”

“I didn’t get into any other colleges.” You say quietly, “That was my one shot.”

He’s silent for a moment before he offers you a smile. “Was it at least better than just good? Even for a while?”

“My head felt clearer than it had been in years.” You recall before glancing at him. “Still hated it, though.”

“Why?”

“You weren’t there.”

The words left your mouth before your brain ever caught up. But the reaction made it so much better. You watched as Steve smiles, a little red creeping onto his cheeks as he hums, looking away from you like he could expose his true emotions at any second.

“I half expected you to burst into Family Video some days.” Steve admits with a shaky laugh, “Make some joke about my hair, probably throw a video at me when I made fun of you. I love hanging out with Robin but something- something felt…”

“Missing.” You conclude and his brown eyes find yours again, nodding.

“You know…” He took a breath, staring back out of the window like he couldn’t bear to look at you as he confessed, “I almost ended up driving to Florida.”

Your heart jumps. “What?”

“When Max told us you had been writing her letters… I got mad. Started wondering why you didn’t do the same for the rest of us.”

The look on his face set free the guilt bubbling in your chest. You wanted nothing more than to beg for forgiveness, to tell him everything you’d been dying to say for the past eight months.

“I-” You try but he stops you. You wish he hadn’t.

“No, I get it. There’s more history there and… she gave me your address so I could write you one. But I didn’t think that was enough. Like, I can’t just sum everything up in a single letter, you know? So one day, without even thinking, I packed my car with some things I’d need and was ready to start driving.”

You stay silent, every spotlight on Steve.

“Robin figured it out before I could do anything. Literally jumped in front of my car to stop me.” He explains with a sad laugh, “She told me not to go.”

You nod, eyes misting. All your phone calls to Robin really must have stuck with her, all your rambles about feeling like you could truly start again.

“Said I’d only make it harder for you.” Steve continues, tilting his head at you with apologetic eyes, “That was the last thing I ever wanted.”

“Steve.”

“You deserve a life away from here, Y/n.” He shakes his head, wanting to speak. “You owe us nothing, okay? I know you constantly blame yourself for everything happening here but none of it is your fault.”

“It is.” You whisper.

His face drops. “No, it’s not.”

“Steve-” You try, but he’s too focused on helping you now.

“You couldn’t have-”

“Steve!”

“Sorry.” He mumbles, nodding for you to continue. You sigh, slumping back into your seat. It was time to tell the truth.

“I ran away because I thought it would keep you all safe.”

Steve frowns in confusion.

“Those visions I told you about?” You ask and he nods, brows still furrowed. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about them.”

He shakes his head. “What…”

Unable to conjure any questions, he just looks at you.

“There’s this… figure.” You begin, staring out onto the road, “It’s always there, always speaking to me. Always telling me things that I shouldn’t know yet. At first, it was just trying to scare me, get into my head. I thought I was just going crazy. But recently, last year… it told me that everyone I love, will die. And I didn’t- I didn’t want to believe it had that kind of power but- but then Barb… Billy… Jack- it, it all links.”

“It doesn’t make- why you?”

“It won’t tell me.” Your voice is so quiet you were sure Steve wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t now leaning close to you, “I saw it again today. Or him. Or whatever. I didn’t have any visions of it while I was in Florida but as soon as I got back here- it wants something from me. I just don’t know what that is.”

“We’ll stop it.” Steve nods, taking your hand in his. “Okay, we’ll- we’ll find out what the hell it is and get rid of it after this whole Vecna thing-”

“But Steve,” You frown, shaking your head, “I think it is-”

“Hey guys!” Dustin calls out, running to the car, and you move away from Steve, wiping your tears and pretending like everything was fine. “She’s back.”

“Here she comes.” Steve says and Dustin just stops, staring at him.

“Just said that.” He mutters, sliding into the car just as Max joins him in the back.

“What’d she say?” Dustin wonders and Max shakes her head.

“Nothing, just drive.”

You frown as Steve speeds away from the house. You knew when your sister was lying. And judging by how she was purposely avoiding your eyes, you knew it had to do with Starcourt.

“I assume you got the keys.” You ask and she holds them up with a small smile. The guys looked startled. “That’s my girl.”

She smirks at your comment, shoving the keys into her pocket.

“How did you-” Dustin looked between you two, “Actually I don’t wanna know. I’m too scared of the Mayfield sisters.”

During the drive, Steve risks glances to you, still thinking about your interrupted conversation.

“Dustin? It’s Lucas. Do you copy? Dustin?”

You frown as Lucas’ voice blares into the car, looking back at Max and Dustin as they point to the bag by your feet. Dustin’s bag.

You pick up the radio, holding it to your lips when they nod at you.

“Lucas?” You ask, looking out ahead at the road.

“Y/n? Wait- when were you- what are you-”

Dustin groans, reaching over and snatching it out of your hand before speaking. “Lucas, where the hell have you been?”

“Just listen. Are you guys looking for Eddie?”

“Yeah, we found him. No thanks to you.” Dustin complains and you pinch the bridge of your nose before recognising your action, staring at your hand before resting it on your lap. You catch Steve’s smirk out of the corner of your eye.

“You found him?” Lucas sounds worried, making you straighten in your seat.

“A boathouse on Coal Mill Road.” Dustin relays, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry, he’s safe.”

“You guys know he killed Chrissy, right?”

You instantly reach behind you and grab the radio.

“That’s complete bullshit!” You say and Dustin nods furiously, “He tried to save her, he just didn’t get to her in time.”

Steve frowns, looking at you. How did you know that?

“Then why do all the cops say he did it?”

“Because cops will believe whatever shit makes their jobs easier.” You say with a little more spite than you meant, history flashing in front of your eyes. In your experience, they never listened. Only Hopper did and now that he’s gone, you all were the last hope Eddie had to have his name cleared.

Max suddenly reaches her hand out and you place the radio in her palm.

“Lucas, you’re so behind it’s ridiculous, okay? Just meet us at the school. We’ll explain later.”

“I… I can’t. I think some real bad shit’s about to go down.”

“What are you talking about?” Max asks, looking at you, “What bad shit? Lucas? Lucas?”

Lucas never replied and you held your breath.

“The basketball team.” You frown and Steve looks at you.

“What about them?”

“I ran into one of them.” You remember, “They knew my name, asked me where Eddie was.”

“They knew you?” Max frowned and you nod slowly.

“Yeah, freaked me out too but I think the team’s taken Chrissy’s death pretty personal.”

“Jason.” Max says, “They were dating.”

“Hunt down the freak.” Dustin realises with a sigh and you purse your lips.

Leaning against the window, you watch the trees that past by, eyebrows scrunched. With all that you’ve faced, you never quite realised how dangerous people were. Especially when they are driven by one simple yet powerful force.

Revenge.

Once you arrive at the school, you waste no time climbing out of the car and striding into the building.

“Y/n, guys, do you copy?” Robin’s voice spits out of the radio in your hand.

“Yeah, we copy.”

“So, Nancy’s a genius. Vecna’s first victims date back all the way to 1959. Her shot in the dark was a bullseye.”

“Knew it would be.” You say, turning the corner to the hallway as the others guided with flashlights. “But we can’t really talk right now, Robs.”

“What are you doing?”

“Oh you know, the usual. Breaking and entering the school to steal some things.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I just missed high school that much.” You sigh as you find the office, “Just get here as fast as you can and we’ll explain everything.”

You hand the radio back to Dustin as Max unlocks the door, swinging it open and pointing her flashlight into the room.

“This feels wrong.” You whisper, making your way over to filing cabinets.

“Yeah, we shouldn’t be here to steal therapy files.” Steve mutters and you look at him intrigued, “We should be the ones in therapy.”

“It’s like a mini-Watergate or something.” Dustin mumbles to himself.

You raise an eyebrow, choosing to ignore him as you and Max search for Chrissy’s name.

“Hawkinsgate.” Dustin says and you smirk.

“Didn’t those guys get caught?” Steve whispers.

“Holy shit.” Max breathes just as you both stare down at the files.

“You find it?” Steve wonders, peering over your shoulder as you pull out a file, Max grabbing a different one.

“Yeah, and not just Chrissy’s file.” She says, looking at the brown paper in your hand.

“Fred was seeing Ms. Kelley too.” You announce, dropping the file onto the desk.

“So… Ms. Kelley is Vecna?” Steve asked and everyone just stares at him.

“It’s a good theory.” You try, smiling slightly, “But probably too easy.”

Max sits at the desk, shuffling around papers as she reads Chrissy’s report.

“Why does it always have to be complicated?” Steve sighs and you raise your eyebrows. “Like… can’t villains just be dumb?”

“Only the human ones.” You retort and Steve laughs.

“Can I see Fred’s file?” Max suddenly asks and you frown, plucking it from Steve’s hands and placing it in front of her.

“Why, what did you find?”

She doesn’t reply, just staring down at the pages she had ordered side by side and you peer over her head, reading key parts that appeared on both sheets.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you see their photos clipped to the pages. You really were walking through memories earlier in those woods.

“What?” Steve looks between the both of you with a worried frown, “What’s wrong?”

“Why would anything be wrong?” You ask numbly, still staring at the page.

“Cause you’re both wearing the same terrified face.” Dustin explains and you finally look up. Why was Max scared?

You look down at your sister, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Max?”

She doesn’t respond. You shake her a tiny bit. Still nothing.

You immediately look at Steve, panicked, before kneeling down beside her and turning her chair to face you. “Max?!”

As you stare up at her face, you almost scream. Her eyes are rolled back, whites staring back at you.

“Max!” You yell, cupping her face as Steve and Dustin shout for her. “Wake up! Come, on, wake up!”

She suddenly gasps, slumping forward in her seat and you lean forward, catching her. Her breathing is heavy as she clings to you.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You soothe, a stray tear rolling down your cheek as Steve lets out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell just happened?”

Chapter 4: Symptoms ->

taglist: @gnnnne / @beepisbeep / @paintballkid711/ @eddiesbirdie/ @livasaurasrex/ @darktimelegends / @jackierose902109 / @mvrylee / @chervbs/ @eternallyvenus / @nervouscatsuit/ @f1nn-wolfhard/ @hereiamhereigo/ @ladybug0095 / @fangirling-4-ever / @astrolockley/ @mothmanatemycat

[alba8688]

The one that got away

Warnings 18+ minors DNI

A/N FYI I listen to everybody hurts by R.E.M in repeat since it says to play it to set the mood ...Oh yeah I'm sorry.

Word count:6315

The sexual tension between Deb and Eddie was strong. The guys could see it the way Eddie shifted around when Deb was walking in front of him at the grocery store, especially with what Deb was wearing .Those damn tiny shorts with the black lace long sleeve blouse and the white boots were driving Eddie crazy .

Deb had taken the boys to the grocery store to buy some snacks and food for the days they were going to stay.Deb had told them they didn't have to.But the boys said they were gonna help with whatever they could.While staying at her place .Deb didn't argue anymore and let them but whatever they wanted it was a lot of groceries too much just even for them. Because Deb would usually eat down at the bar.

After the grocery shopping was more like junk food , Deb called the towed truck to pick up the van and take it to Dave the mechanic and that's where they were right now .Eddie and the guys waited patiently for Deb to come back to the car .She had told them to wait for her in her car because Dave wouldn't believe her if they went with her .Deb told them that the mechanic had a crush on her and she would use her charmed for there van to be ready fast and would charge them Less .Eddie didn't like The idea of Deb flirting with some Guy.But he had no right to get mad because they weren't nothing they weren't together they just had sex and it didn't mean anything .

Dave the Mechanic was a 6ft guy. He was handsome but he wanted Deb's type. He was all muscle and she didn't like that, she liked her rockstars that would always break her heart .

"It will be ready in a week ." Dave told Deb nervously,Even though he was a big tough guy Deb always made him nervous .There was just something about her that drove men crazy it was probably those Hazel green beautiful eyes .

"Are you sure ? because last night my van was all smoky ." Deb flirted biting her bottom lip

And twisting a strand of her hair in her finger .

Dave gulped and tried to explain the best way he could to Deb as to why her van had overheated .

"Smoke often leaves car engines as a result of overheating. This can be caused by faulty wire casings, heated residues on the engine block and overheated liquids including oil, transmission fluid and brake fluid. There may also be a fault in your coolant system, or your engine may not have enough lubricant"Dave told Deb but she didn't understand a word he said she just smiled and wink at him .

"Please have it ready Davy ."and with that Deb went back to her car where Eddie and the guys were waiting for her .She opened the door to her car and got it .

"What did he say ?" Eddie asked

"Be ready in a week but I got him to lower price." She smiles

A chorus of yes were heard from the backseat from the guys .

"Ok that's cool we can call what his face and let him know will head out in a week." Jeff's says

"What's his face ? His name is Robert ." Eddie tells him..So they all went back to Deb's apartment to wait and also called Robert to let him know what happened to the van and that they got lost in Texas.He called them dumbasses.

That night Deb had the night off and invited the boys for drinks .Eddie and her hadn't talked about what happened last night but they were hoping it would happen again.

Maybe tonight.they both thought .

"You guys better remember me when you become big rockstars ." Deb told the boys ,they were having drinks downstairs at the bar and tonight was karaoke night so Deb invited them and told them drinks where on her if they played a song for her tonight which they Agreed and Deb talked to Javier the owner to give them a chance that she knew someday they'll make it big and they promise to come back when they became big rockstars.

At first he was undecided because this bar was a country bar but he eventually agreed he couldn't say no to Deb because she helped him so much.and he loved Deb like a daughter ..

"How can we forget a pretty face like yours?" Eddie flirted ..Gareth and the boys all wolf whistled making Eddie and Deb blushed .

They had just met but they felt a great connection with each other. They didn't know what it was but they both felt it and both were scared to admit anything because they both knew it was just sex and nothing else plus Eddie was living in California in a week and Deb wasn't going to see him again.

It couldn't work no matter how hard they made it work.

Deb knew the life of the rockstars and she knew there were going to be women throwing themselves at him and she knew it would hurt her if she found out he was cheating by a stupid magazine on television.

Eddie didn't want to do long distance .He couldn't do it with how busy their schedule was going to be he couldn't be in a relationship right now .But there was something about Deb that made him want all of that romantic shit that made him feel those butterflies in his stomach that way she smiled her laugh her hazel green eyes .

She was such a happy girl .Eddie imagined in that moment in the bar a future with her having a family, the white picket fence with a two story home and a dog .

But he knew he could never have that with her because he would run away as soon as everything became serious, afraid to commit, afraid he was going to be like his dad and run away.

"Eddie .''Deb waved her hand in front of his face .

"Huh?" Eddie realized he had zoned out staring at Deb now he felt embarrassed .

"Are you ok ?" She smiled at him ,yes he was ok and no he wasn't because it might sound cheesy as fuck but he thinks he might be falling for a girl He just met .It sounded crazy it really did but he couldn't. It couldn't be possible that kind of shit it wasn't real .It only happens in movies it can't happen in real life .

"Y-yeah I was just thinking ."he stammers

"We are up next Man." Gareth told his friend .Gareth knew what was happening to his friend ,he knew him and had never seen that face on him. He really liked Deb but he knew he wasn't going to admit it .

"Ok." Eddie replied

"Break leg ." Deb pecked Eddie's cheek, making him blush .

Eddie got up and walked upstage where the rest of the band where already setting up their instruments.

Deb stared at Eddie while he fix his guitar strapped .She knew she was fucked but there was nothing they could do .

"Hi we are Corroded Coffin and this song is for the pretty girl back there." Eddie pointed to Deb who was smiling at him raising her drink to him.

Play "You shook me all night long." Ac Dc

Deb blushed tremendously hearing the words of the song. I mean she didn't dislike it at all. It was a great song but was he talking about sex with her ?

The whole crowd turned to look at Deb and lifted their beer to her. Javier shook his head Knowing Deb had something to do with metalhead .He always told her to be careful and not to get too attached because those rockstars wannabes always broke her heart . She never listens.

Deb got up on top of the table and started Dancing to the music .Eddie couldn't take his eyes away from her the way she sway her hips hypnotized him.She was so beautiful .Right there watching her dance from stage he knew he was fucked and no other girl would compare to her if he didn't do something about how he felt he was going to regret it .

When the song was over Deb was the loudest cheering for them.Javier even took a picture of Deb with the guys of corroded coffin when they got off stage to put it on his wall of fame and also threaten to chop off Eddie's dick if he hurt Deb.

Which Eddie promised he would never do something like that .

The guys were having the time of our lives at the moment. They could only imagine what their lives would be when they became big .

Gareth ,Jeff and Anthony met some girls that night and went home with them and Eddie stayed with Deb in the booth drinking until the bar closed and they both headed upstairs .Eddie ignoring any girl that came his way because his heart had been stolen by the beautiful girl that spend the whole night with him ignoring guys who asked to dance with her just to be with him.

"I had fun."Deb said softly

"Me too." Eddie said almost as a whisper slowly walking forward to Deb making her so damn nervous .She didn't even know why if they already had slept together .But Eddie just made her feel that way.

"Kiss me." She whispers when he was inches away from her face and Eddie did it without hesitation kissing her softly .Not like last night where the kiss was hungry .Tonight he wanted to enjoy being with her and enjoy every part of her body he wanted to remember her forever.

Deb felt the difference between the kiss and the sparks that came with it but she Wasn't going to say anything neither was Eddie because neither of them knew what they were feeling .

Eddie picked up Deb by her ass, walking slowly toward her room blindly .

"Ouch." Deb giggled when Eddie jumped into the wall making Deb hit her back .

"Sorry ." Eddie said in between kisses.

"To the right". Deb guided Eddie and opened the door to the room .Eddie laid Deb down slowly in the bed so carefully as if she was a porcelain doll that could break and admired her beauty.No Other girl would compare to her ever.He thought

"You're so beautiful." He whispered his heart started beating faster and it scared him because he knew the feelings were getting stronger. And he was going to put that away in the back of his heart in a chest and lock it with a key .He couldn't fall, not when his career was barely starting .It was his dream to be a rockstar and he couldn't do a relationship right now when his career was about to start.

Eddie leaned down and kissed her Lips again softly. The kiss was so passionate it hurt because they knew it wasn't going anywhere but just sex .That night Eddie made Love to Deb again and again and again She had forgotten to take the pill and Eddie had come inside her but she remembered to take it that next morning .

The next day Eddie and the guys accompany Deb during her shift at the bar and afterwards Deb and Eddie disappeared from the guys .They left in Deb's car driving around town they where both high in weed and dare each other to get a matching tattoo and that's where they were right now getting a matching tattoo so they would always remember each other when they saw the tattoo .Eddie won the the paper rock scissors so he got to choose the tattoo .

It was a Lord of the Rings reference. They both got it in their wrist .It was Deb's first tattoo and she liked it and she even liked it more when she knew what it meant .

"So it's Lord of the Rings related ?" Deb asked Eddie

"Yeah ."he reply looking at his tattoo

"And what does it mean?" Deb asked admiring her new tattoo her wrist

Eddie stopped walking and looked at Deb .

"Arwen wore the Evenstar at the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring, but gave it to Aragorn before he departed with the Fellowship. Although Elrond didn't exactly approve, they were lovers, so when Arwen gave Aragorn her Elvish necklace, it represented her commitment and never-ending love."

"That's so romantic ." Deb responded

They didn't say anything. They didn't want to get into the subject of love. They got in the car and drove back home singing whatever song was on the radio .Eddie has never been this happy in his life ,his smile wouldn't disappear from His face .He had a kool aid man smile from ear to ear .

When they got to Deb's apartment they showered together and cuddled in bed naked .

Laughing and giggling about stupid things .They talked about Deb's parents and how much of an assholes they were taking away her inheritance just because she didn't want to be a doctor .Eddie told Deb about his mother and her love of music ,because of her he love music.He even told her his dad thought how to play guitar and how he ran away when he needed him the most .

"Are you gonna remember me when you're famous?" Deb asked Eddie she was twisting a curl of Eddie on her finger .

"Ofcourse I am, I'll even write a song about you and I'll always have This bad ass tattoo to remember you ." Eddie kissed the top of Deb's head .He wanted to stay in this moment forever.

"Promise ." Deb sat down criss cross in bed facing Eddie sticking out her pinky finger to him.

"Pinky promise ."Deb leaned in to kiss Eddie's lips and slowly moved down to his jaw .She then got on top of him straddling him .

Eddie felt like crying at that moment. He didn't know why it felt like it was going to be the last time he would see Deb .

So he kissed her hard. He kissed her with so much passion that tears fell down his cheeks.He flipped her over so she would be laying down in bed and Eddie on top of her .

"I need you ."Deb whispered

Eddie wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand and smile at Deb then aligned himself To her entrance and slowly pushed in.Deb noticed the tears in Eddie's eyes but she didn't say anything because she knew she was crying too.Eddie hid his face in the crook or Deb's neck hiding his face from her not wanting to see the tears from his eyes .but Deb could feel the wetness of his tears in her neck.

So Deb hugged him tightly while they made slow and passionate love .Deb had never felt so much love in her life .But she knew what she got herself in when she slept with Eddie .She knew she didn't have a future with him,she knew that Eddie's life was going to change in a few days and he wasn't going to be able to have time for her .It hurt her to think she finally felt something real for someone but wasn't able to say it .

"Eddie ." Deb whispered

Eddie lifts his head and looks down at Deb, her eyes glazed and red "you're so beautiful ." He leaned down to capture her lips on his .

"Deb I-I ."

"Shhhh I know me too but just kissed me ok ."

"Ok." Eddie nodded and kissed Deb until he wasn't able to breathe .

The next morning the door to Deb's door burst open and Gareth walked in waking up Eddie .

"Robert sent a car to come pick us up. They say they got us plane tickets to leave today." Gareth said excitedly .Deb opened her eyes to see Gareth standing on the side of the bed waking Eddie up .When she heard those words coming out of Gareth's lips her heart broke .Eddie was going to leave today, not In another few days.

That's when it finally sinked she was never going to see him again.

"What?" Eddie asked groggily

"Robert's sent a car and they're waiting for us. The plane leaves in an hour so hurry your ass up !!" Gareth ran out of the room closing the door behind.There was silence in the room and Eddie felt an awful pain in his chest when he saw Deb staring at him already trying her best not to cry .

"Hurry up, rock star, you wouldn't want to miss the plane ." She put her best fake smile ,Eddie cupped her face and kissed her like there is no tomorrow .

"I will never forget you ."he rested his forehead on hers .

"Me either now go break a leg ." She smiled at him.Eddie got up picking up his scattered clothes from the floor but before leaving he wrote his number in a paper and gave it to Deb .

"Here ."

"What's this ?" Deb asked, looking at him as she was sitting down putting on her shoes .

"Call me ." Deb opened the piece of paper to reveal Eddie's phone number .She smiled then jumped into his arms wrapping herself to him like a baby koala .

"Ok." She kissed him.pepperongnhis face with kisses .

When everyone was ready they headed downstairs where a black fancy car was waiting for them.Deb followed them downstairs to say goodbye to them .She hugged everyone goodbye leaving Eddie to the end the one that hurt the most .The one that stole her heart in such a few days .

"Hi."Eddie whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her close to him .

"Hi rockstar." Deb flirted ,trying her damn best not to cry for a boy she just met .She hated herself for falling so easily .

"Promise you'll call me ." Eddie said in between kisses .

"I promise ." Deb giggle "I promise I'll call you tonight ok."

"Eddie man come on let's go!!" Anthony shouted from the car.

"I'm going hold on damn it !! " he shouted back at his friend.

"I'll miss you ." Eddie whispered for only Deb to hear .Eddie hated himself for falling so fast for this girl he just met .

"Me too, now go before you miss your airplane." What Deb wanted to say was "please stay here with me, don't leave me." But she didn't.

"Would that be too bad ?" Eddie pecks Deb's lips.

No, it would please stay .

"Yes because then you won't write me that song you promised." Deb playfully pushed Eddie away from her .

You can write that song here while you're with me.

"You wounded me sweetheart, you really want to get rid of me now ." He placed his hand on his chest playfully .

Deb giggled and placed one last kiss on his lips before Eddie got in the car .She giggled to hide her cries .She wanted to scream to come back to stay here with her but she didn't .

Eddie lowered the window and Deb blew him a kiss he pretended to catch it and place it in his heart ,the car started moving and Eddie felt like telling the driver to stop to let him get down and stay here with Deb but he didn't he watched Deb become farther away as the car move .His heart was breaking into a million pieces but this is what he wanted to become a rock star to be able to give his uncle everything he deserved .

Deb wanted to run after the car to tell the driver to stop to confess her feelings for Eddie but she didn't .She just waved to them until the car disappeared from view .

That night Deb called Eddie like she promised Eddie had just gotten to his hotel they each got a room to themselves and Eddie FaceTime Deb showing her her fancy hotel room.Deb felt happy for him that he was finally gonna be able to live his dreams .Shenknew she did good not telling him how she felt because if she had down it she would have ruin everything for him and the guys .

"I promised as soon as I'm not busy I'll go visit you ."he told Deb they were both laying down in their beds with the phone close to their faces ..

"Promise me ?" Deb whisper

"I promise pretty girl ."

Eddie and Deb stayed talking on the phone till they both fell asleep on the phone .Deb fell asleep first and Eddie watched her sleep like a weirdo.And while she was sleeping Eddie told her how he felt deep down he wished she would have heard him .But she didn't.

Every day in the morning and at night Deb and Eddie would FaceTime till they fell asleep on the line.Eddie would send Deb pictures of where they were and he send her the picture when they signed the contract .

After a month the calls started to get less and less and so did the messages.if she got even one was rare .But she understood because Eddie told her that they were getting ready to start recording an album then go on tour in a few months .

But after that month Deb realized she was late,at first she didn't see anything wrong because she was so irregular that sometimes her period wouldn't come so she ignored it but this time it was different she felt different .So she got in her car and drove to the closest pharmacy to get pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test well she bought five .Just to be sure .

As soon as she got home she ran to the bathroom and got a disposable cup and Pee on it .She followed The instructions of every test and waited 5 minutes for the results.The results that night changed hers and Eddie's future.

Those five minutes were the most excruciating five minutes of her life .When the timer rang on her phone she ran to check the test .

She picked one by one up making sure they all had the same result and they were all positive .She felt the happiest woman in the world she needed to call Eddie to let him know .She dialed his number excited and nervous biting the her nails she waited for Eddie to answer the phone Rang and rang and rang it rang a few times until someone that wasn't Eddie answer .

"Hello."

"Hi It's Eddie there ?" Deb asked excitedly, she couldn't contain her happiness. She needed to tell Eddie the happy news ..

"He's busy right now." The man on the other side responded

"Can you tell him Deb called please ."

"Yeah, I will do it ." The man responded and then hung up the phone .

That afternoon she waited for Eddie's call that never came. She waited until night .She stared at her phone waiting for that call but it never came the next morning .Her phone rang and she saw that it was Eddie's number and answered fast .

"Eddie ?" Deb answered

"No this is not Eddie ,this is Robert I'm

Just returning the calm for Eddie ." What does he mean returning the calm for Eddie Deb thought .

"Why?" Her voice tremble

"Did you want to leave a message or did you want me to tell Him something ?" He asked

"Can you please tell him to call me back ."

"Sorry he's busy right now but let me know what you need and I'll let him know ."

"Oh ok I'll just send it by mail then."

Deb tried to keep her voice from breaking but it was hard .Did Eddie not want to talk to her ?

"Ok." And like that the man hung up .

Deb didn't let that bring her down .That morning she set up an appointment for the doctor and she got an appointment for that same

Day in the afternoon.

At the doctor office

Waiting patiently in the waiting area of the doctors office .Deb was so nervous and sad because she saw couples happily waiting to see their baby and she was there alone without Eddie.

She looked down at the papers in her hand that she had filled out .Trying to get her eyes from the couple sitting in-front of her .

She got up and returned the papers to the nurse in the front "take a seat and will call you when they're ready for you."the nurse told Deb .

Deb nodded and decided to sit somewhere where there were no couples because that shit was depressing her ..

She scrolled through her phone and saw a video of Corroded coffin playing at a local famous bar I. L.A .She smiled watching the guys play. They were living their dream .

Eddie looked so handsome he was wearing tight leather pants with no shirt on .Deb could see his tattoo on his wrist when he grabbed the mic .Then Eddie kiss his wrist making Deb smiled widely .She then knew Eddie was missing her and he was busy that's why he couldn't take her calls so he was going to surprised him by sending a copy of the ultrasound to him when she got it

"Deborah James." A nurse calls Deb's name, distracting her from watching Eddie and ten guys playing .

Deb stood up putting her phone in her back pocket and walks over to the nurse who leads her to a room and tells her to lay down that the ultrasound technician will

Be her any minute .

While waiting Deb sent a text to Eddie telling him she saw him in a video and that she missed him.Hoping he would answer but he didnt .Deb looked at the delivered text waiting for it to turn to read but it never happened.She didn't even hear the door open when the doctor walked in introducing herself .

"Hi." Deb smile putting her phone to the side

"Ok this is going to feel cold ."she told Deb and it did feel cold .

"Ok let's see that baby ." Deb looked at the screen but all she saw was black and white .

"There's your baby ." The doctor points to the screen .Deb tilts her head to the side to try to see where the doctor is pointing but nothing.

"When can we know the sex ?" Deb asked

The doctor said it was still too early to find out the sex but maybe in a few more weeks they will have some luck.Deb nodded ok and asked the doctor for an extra copy of an ultrasound.As soon as she got out of the doctor's office with her extra ultrasound Deb rushed to her apartment to write to Eddie and send him the ultrasound picture of there baby .

Two weeks later

Deb waited and waited for Eddie's call since she sent the letter ,but never got anything. Every single day she waited patiently but nothing, not even a text .So when two weeks passed she checked the mail and to her surprise it was a letter from Eddie .She rushed upstairs to her apartment to read the letter .

She sat in her bed and opened it excitedly.

"I've got your letter sorry I haven't been able to called you been super busy with corroded coffin and about the letter you send me I don't know if I can deal with a kid right now my career just started I hope you understand "

Eddie

Deb read the letter over and over again and she couldn't believe what she was reading .She checked the envelope once more and saw a check for a good amount of money.

"What the fuck !!"Deb crumbled the check and the letter and threw it to the floor.

Play "Everybody hurts ." R.E.M

Deb stared at the crumble letter and checked on the corner of the room and next to it was a shirt Eddie had forgotten it was a Dio shirt he love his favorite he Deb got up from the bed and kneel in front of the shirt picking it up and held it close to her chest the smell of Eddie still lingered in it .It was faint but she could smell him.Suddenly she scared herself with how she was crying .She felt alone she had no one .The pain she was feeling was unbearable she Should have known he was just like every other guy she ever met that just used her for sex .

He never really cared for her, he just used her for fun and when he got tired of her he threw her away like a piece of trash .

Deb couldn't understand what was wrong with her and why everyone left her .That night she cried herself to sleep, missing work .

The next morning she stayed in bed as well, only getting up to use the restroom.She wasn't eating ,she wasn't hungry she knew she had to eat for her baby but she couldn't even get up she felt so numb.She was alone she didn't have anyone in the world that care about her.Eddie abandoned her just like everyone in her life did.

Two days later Javier went looking for Deb at her apartment because she hadn't Been to work only to find her on the ground in her room wearing a black Dio shirt .He picked her up slowly and took her to the hospital .She was dehydrated and he found out she was pregnant..

Why hadn't she said anything ?

Javier knew it was Eddie's and he knew Deb was like this because of him .He hated him with all his guts for hurting Deb .

Since that day he never left alone, always by her side taking her of what she needed .

Javier saw Deb as a daughter. Even Javier's wife Maria would go cook for Deb at her apartment.Deb would sit on the couch staring into space it's like she wasn't there.For the first months of her pregnancy Deb went through depression and the only ones there to help were Javier and Maria .Heloing her every step of the way .Always there even at night when the nightmares came and she would wake up crying .

Everyone made her promises that always were broken.one day she was standing in front of her mirror and she promised herself to be better for her baby .To be the best mom for him or her .

She was so grateful for Javier and Maria always making sure she was ok and taking her prenatals.Even though Eddie didn't want to know anything about Deb or there baby she still send him updates of how big their baby was or the lastest ultrasound.When she then 5 months she found out the sex of her baby and sent the great new by mail to Eddie that it was a boy and she was planning on naming Edward just like him.and she promise him that she would talk to there son about there father and she would never denied him if he ever wanted to see Eddie.Because no matter what Eddie was his father and even though he didn't want to be in his life his son deserve to know why.She promise Eddie she would only talk good things about him and his love of music .

When she was 7 months Maria threw her a baby shower and Deb received so many gifts for her little baby boy.Deb sent pictures to Eddie of the baby shower. It was lots of the rings theme.Ever since she got better she decided to read the books to her son every night before going to sleep .She told Eddie about it well she wrote to him letting him know that she was going to make sure their son liked the books just like his dad.

Deb wanted to keep Eddie updated hoping That one day he would change his mind but that never happened ..

When she was 8 months pregnant Javier told her he was selling the bar because he wanted to retire and be home With his wife but he told Deb him And Maria will always be there for her and her son .He even told her to move in with them.But Deb couldn't she didn't want to be a mother to them .

So she stayed in the upstairs apartment of the bar .The new owner was nice enough to let her stay with the same deal she had with Javier working for him.She never really met him yet but only talked to him by phone .He seemed like a nice guy .

One night on March 14 ,Deb woke up with an awful pain in her lower stomach. She knew there were contractions but they were so far apart but the pain was unbearable. she waited until they were 5 minutes apart like she read in her book to call Maria .who hurried to pick her up when she got the called .When getting to the hospital The nurses asked Deb if she was going to want the epidural but Deb decide on not taking it and that same night at 8pm Eddie James Munson Jr was born.weighing 6 pounds 8 ounces.he was the tiniest baby Deb had ever seen .He was so cute and had the same curls like his dad there weren't that long like Eddie's but noticeable in his little head he even had the same chocolate eyes .Deb cried when she saw him he opening his eyes and look at her .She promised him that she would give him the world and would never abandoned him.She promised to always be there for him.She promised to be the best mom for him .

Maria and Javier came to visit the following day. Bringing Deb a car seat they had bought for the little Eddie .Deb started crying and thanked them .She was too emotional .

A week later Deb gave a letter to Maria to send for her .It was a big letter with pictures of baby Eddie .It was the last letter she was sending Eddie hoping he would answer when he saw his son his replica ..

4 months later

Deb was at the grocery store with baby Eddie buying formula ,diapers ,wipes and groceries.She was living off food stamps and the tips she got from the bar Maria and Javier would help her with whatever they could but she never accepted money from them she had t even cashed the check Eddie had send him she kept in in a drawer with the letter Eddie had sent to her months ago.Even when she needed the money she never touched it .

When it got time to pay it came out more than she had counted. She checked her wallet twice, maybe three times but she didn't have enough .

She discreetly looked back at the long line and was embarrassed to ask to take some

Things off ..She took a deep breath in and out.She looked at the groceries and thought what would she take out .

Diapers she needed

Baby formula she needed

Wipes she needed.

"I-I don't have enough." She whispered to the cashier who rolled her eyes because she was going to have to take some things out .Deb took out some of the groceries and paid for what she needed the most and pushed the shopping cart with her baby on it out of ten grocery store .She wipe the tears in her eyes discreetly .She knew this was only temporary and things would get better for her and her son.

Deb stopped and looked at Eddie's van .Dave the mechanic had called her two months after Eddie was gone saying that she never picked up the van that he called the number he was given and nobody answered until he was able to contact her .Deb paid for the service and had the van parked outside the bar for months until her car broke down one night and stop working that's when she started using his van .The only reminder she had of Him ..

She opened the back door and put her son's car seat in, securing it and putting her groceries bags inside .She was about to close the doors when saw someone coming up to her .It was a man around her age or maybe a few years older than her pretty tall and really handsome ..Deb walked over to drivers side of the van to get in ignoring the man .She turned on the van and the ac on .When there was A knock on the window ..

Deb lowered the window to see the handsome stranger smiling at her .

"Hi." The Handsome stranger smiled .

"How can I help you ?" Deb asked him.His voice sounded familiar but she didn't know from where .

"I saw you left these groceries behind back there so I thought you might need them so I paid for them ." The man told Deb ..

Deb gasped and instantly started crying. I guess it was her breaking point.

She opens the door and the man moves to the side .Deb caught him by surprise when she hugged him.

"You don't even know me ."

She said "thank you ." She cried into the stranger's arms .

"Hey it's ok ." The man hugged her back feeling she really needed the hug .Deb pulled away feeling embarrassed by what she did and pulled away .

"I'm sorry ," she whispered." Feeling shy

"It's ok ."

"Thank you so much" She smiled

"You need help putting the groceries in the van?"he asked .

"You don't have to, you have already done so much."

"I honestly don't mind."He smiled at her .

"So rude of me im Deb." Deb introduced herself to the handsome stranger .

"Sean ."

Next chapter

Sean is played by Jensen Ackles my other love

The tattoo Eddie and Deb did

[wwinterwitch]

happy endings - steddie

summary: knowing this will probably be the last chance he gets, steve finally confesses to eddie how he feels

pairing: steve harrington x eddie munson

word count: 3,285

warnings/what to expect: lost of fluff, robin is the captain of the ship, steve is very much in love, feelings are confessed, and guys are kissing, steve is bisexual in this, just steddie being happy, this is what really happens you can ignore whatever you saw in that shitty finale, ALSO:  this fic contains references to bisexuality being equal to “liking guys and girls” which totally leaves out non-binary people. i’m only keeping everything regarding sexuality and gender so archaic because this is set in the 80s and there wasn’t much understanding around these topics. i’m not trying to be biphobic or invalidate anyone that aren’t male or female, just adapting to what the characters might think given the time they live in

a/n: since we got queerbaited once again i wrote this to give us actually good queer content so i truly hope you enjoy and helps you feel better after what we had to go through <3 

**gif is not mine, it belongs to cindy-berman here on tumblr!!

a comment and/or reblog is always appreciated

masterlist | ao3

"You should go talk to him."

Steve was snapped back to reality when he heard Robin talking to him, taking a seat right next to him outside the van they just stole a few hours ago. She wasn't looking at him when he turned to face her, focusing on the scene Steve was just looking at before she walked up to him.

Dustin and Eddie were improvising a small battle in the middle of the empty field, shouting stuff Steve can only assume has to do with that board game the two are so obsessed about. He watches as Dustin shouts something, pretending to aim at Eddie, who immediately falls to the ground in an awfully theatrical death. Steve couldn't help the smile forming on his face when they both began laughing, the younger boy helping the other to stand up from the ground before Eddie is wrapping his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. The scene was just too much for Steve to bare.

He used to feel to jealous about Eddie and Dustin's relationship. He felt replaced. Now? Now he wishes he could be there standing next to them on that field, pretending to be three knights in search of the monster to save their kingdom, being able to go back to the real world whenever they wanted to. Instead, they're just three random guys in a small town, about to hunt a real monster. This wasn't a game, no matter how badly Steve wishes for it to be. He can't pretend he's a knight about to go on some fictional adventure. This is real life.

But if only. If only he could be a brave knight joining his group of friends on a noble crusade. To slay their enemies and come out undefeated. Everyone will be save, and they can all go celebrate their triumph. If only Steve was able to fight side-by-side with Eddie, hunting down the monster together only to get almost captured by the evil creatures- almost, because Eddie would be there to save the day. To save him.

That's what was going on in his head before Robin interrupted. The perfect ending for a seemingly perfect story. The knight finally getting the other knight and living happily ever after. Not...whatever this was. Just a bunch of teens about to face the biggest threat they've faced so far with no way of knowing if they'll get a happy ending. The knight still terrified to confess his feelings to the other knight.

"What does that mean?" he asked after a few seconds in complete silence, acting like he had no idea what his best friend was talking about.

"Look, I know it's scary, but you have to say something before it's too late."

Steve didn't know what to say at first. "Like how you talked to Vickie?"

"Okay, I deserve that. But that is exactly why I'm trying to talk some sense into you!" she quickly argued. "I can't go back to Hawkins now to tell Vickie how I feel and it's quite literally killing me, because I don't know if I get the chance to tell her after all of this is over."

"Don't say that," Steve interrupted her little speech, frowning at the mere idea of Robin not making it. Of anyone not making it after they kill Vecna. Instantly and just like many other times before, his thoughts drifted to Eddie. What would he do if he doesn't make it. He won't allow that to happen, not before they can get their happy ending.

"I say it because it's true, Steve. We don't know if all of us are going to make it, so this could be your last chance to tell Eddie how you feel."

Tell Eddie how he feels. That's sounds much easier that what it truly is. Even Steve himself has struggled to fully understand what's been going on with him ever since Eddie Munson walked back into his life. He used to know him as nothing but a weirdo who got stuck in senior year, but now he's so much more than that, and it kills Steve to admit it.

To Robin everything made so much sense since the very beginning. The quick glances Steve would throw Eddie's way, even when he's not doing or saying anything. How Steve would get all nervous when Eddie comments something about him or even refers to him. It was evident for her that Steve was slowly falling for Eddie.

But Robin didn't push him to do any confessions or force him to accept something he was probably not ready to accept. She knows how difficult it can be coming to terms with one's true identity when you've grown up seeing nothing but people freaking out when someone is different like that. However, she was lucky enough to have good experiences during her journey of self-discovery, finding a friend that love her no matter who she's attracted to. It's Steve the one who was there for her when she felt completely alone, finding comfort and strength in him to love herself the way she is.

She wanted to be there for Steve just like he was there for her and she wanted to be just as good as he was. After telling him she likes girls, everything has always been on her terms and Steve continued to give her the space and time to talk to him about the situation whenever she needed it. So, she wanted to give Steve his space and come to her when he was ready.

And she was just over the moon when Steve was comfortable enough to trust her with this. He knew she would understand, and of course she was as supportive as he was when the roles were reversed.

"It's...weird," Steve had said to her that one night in the woods, before the group had to find the hidden portal under Lover's Lake. "I know I still like girls. I mean, I was clearly in love with Nancy when we were together, but...I guess I like guys, too? Does that even make sense?"

"Of course it does! There's plenty of people who like both."

"Really? Is that a thing?" he asked, more relieved to hear he's not the only one that feels like that. "I just thought you could like one. Like, maybe...maybe I was just confused or I was just tricking myself into believing I liked girls when I only liked guys..."

"Pretty sure you can like one, all, or even no one," she interrupted, trying to calm him down. "Thing is, everyone is different. And your experience is not less important or less valid because it's not the conventional i-like-guys or i-like-girls type of thing. It's okay to be somewhere in between."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I've been thinking about this for a while and...I'm pretty sure I like both."

Robin smiled at his statement. "I'm happy for you, Steve. And you know I'll always be there for you," she says, trying not to get all emotional on him right now. "Except when you start liking a guy, I have no idea what to do in those cases."

Steve laughs at her last comment, looking down at his shoes as he did. "Well, about that...I, uh..."

"Okay, hold up," she interrupted, visibly excited to be hearing all of this. "Okay, I know I just said don't talk to me about boys but let's ignore I said that and please talk to me."

That made Steve smile, though he was still unable to look at Robin. He was just too nervous to do that. Instead, he looked ahead at the lake. "I think it's pretty obvious where this is going..."

"Oh, I know exactly where this is going, I just want to hear it from you."

"I've been thinking about the whole me-liking-boys thing recently because...I- I think I might like one?"

"You think you like one?"

"I do. I do like one," he quickly corrected. "Shit, I like one a lot."

"Well, I doubt it's Keith we're talking about here..." she started, making Steve visibly frown at her for hinting he would ever like someone like Keith. "So that would leave us with..."

"Hey, you two!" they were interrupted by the voice of Eddie. They both turned around to see the entire group waiting for them by the boat they were using to get to the portal. "Chat all you want after we find this stupid portal, okay?"

Robin immediately turned to look at Steve. "Your boyfriend looks kinda mad so we better go."

"Yeah," Steve agreed, following after her before he quickly realized what she actually said. "And he's not my boyfriend, Robin."

"Not yet!" she replied, walking faster to join the rest of the group, ending their conversation there.

Steve was awfully quiet, finally turning to look at Robin. "It's not that easy and you know it," he insisted. "It's like you said. We ask the wrong people and it's over for us."

"And like you said, I don't think Eddie is the wrong guy. Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"You're just saying that because you're my friend."

"Believe me, I'm not," she quickly argued, leaning closer to him. "Steve, he's crazy about you. I wouldn't be saying this if I wasn't sure about it."

"He...he is?" Steve asks timidly, once again watching as Dustin and Eddie continued their imaginary battle.

"Yes! Trust me, he's too obvious. I'll be surprised if no one else has realized about it by now."

Steve was considering his options. It's not entirely false what Robin is claiming right now. He has noticed a few signs himself. How Eddie is always throwing ironic comments his way that could easily be seen as flirting when you don't think about the fact that they're two guys talking to each other. Or how quick he was to give him his jacket. Or how often he would catch Eddie looking his way the entire time he had his jacket on.

That seemed to encourage Robin, thinking she could have a chance to convince him. "You can't miss this chance to tell him, Steve. Whatever happens, it's better to try than not saying anything at all."

"How come you're so good at this, yet your love life is so screwed up?"

"It's called self-sabotage, dingus. It's like my biggest personality trait," Robin replied. "So, does this mean I convinced you?"

Steve shrugged. "I guess I can give it a try."

"Holy shit, I wasn't expecting this to work!" she visibly freaks out, excitedly standing up from her seat. "Are you going to talk to him now? Should I tell him to come over here? Oh, I can tell him I need something and then he follows me here and then I say some silly excuse like-"

"Robin," he says gently.

"I'm doing it again, right? The fast-talking thing...sorry. I'll go help Erica and Lucas and leave you to it."

"Don't be weird about this, okay? And if this doesn't work out you'll have to start taking the bus to school."

"And if it does work out, you have to be my driver for three months. Not just drive me to school, but anywhere I want."

"You know what? Deal."

"A deal it is," she said as she started to walk away. However, she stopped to turn around for a brief second, "I really hope this works, though. Not just so I can have a personal chauffeur, but because you two would look insanely cute together."

"You're being weird," Steve warned.

Robin lifts both of her hands up in the air, continuing to walk away to leave Steve alone. When it was just him, his attention focused back on Eddie and Dustin. Before he could regret it, he stood up and walked up to the two of them.

"Hey, look what we made!" Dustin says excitedly, showing Steve the weapon they created. A shield made with a trash can lid and nails.

"Looks good, man," Steve said, not really caring about that right now. His heart was beating rapidly as he turned to look at Eddie. "Can we talk?" Both Eddie and Dustin exchanged a look, beyond confused as to what was going on. Eddie looked back at Steve and shrugged, waiting for him to continue. "Uh, alone?" he had to clarify, feeling more embarrassed than ever in his entire life.

"Yeah, sure," was Eddie's response, standing up from the ground to follow Steve back to the van.

When Steve turned around, he noticed Dustin still looking their way with a confused look and Robin occasionally turning around to see what they were doing. Clearly, this wasn't what he had in mind when he said he wanted to "talk with Eddie alone".

"Can-can we...?" he asks, titling his head to the van.

Eddie didn't reply, simply walking forward to open the door of the van, waiting for Steve to walk inside before he did, closing the door behind him. All Steve could focus was the fact that Eddie just opened the door for him. And waited for him to walk inside first. He shouldn't have done that, so why bother? Why he felt like doing that? Oh, this was going to be very difficult.

Steve noticed Eddie leaning against the now closed door, arms crossed across his chest as he waited for him to say something. After all, it was him the one who wanted to talk. "You're scaring me, Harrington," he says after realizing Steve wasn't going to say anything. "What's up?"

"Well, I wanted to talk to you because...since we're going after Vecna and all...I- I thought this was the right time to tell you that I..."

Eddie's arms fall to each side of his body as Steve begins talking, looking more like he was expecting something than trying to figure out what was going on. "Yes?" he asks gently, the tone making Steve's heart almost skip a beat.

His mind was racing. It's not fair he's leaning against the door looking so incredibly pretty with his ripped jeans and long messy hair and those rings that look just so good on him and his eyes staring back at his own. How is he supposed to talk right now and not get lost in such beautiful eyes? How can he act normal when he is standing in front of him looking so painfully gorgeous? How is he supposed to think his next words when all he can think about is those ringed fingers holding his face while they share a much-awaited kiss?

"Hey," Eddie insisted, snapping Steve back to reality. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just...there's a lot in my mind," he muttered, feeling his cheeks beginning to burn, which only helped to get him even more nervous. "I wanted to talk to you because in case anything happens to us, I needed you to know that I like you."

Eddie froze in his spot, not knowing what to say at first. He was in complete disbelief, never in a million years expecting Steve to say something like that. "I guess you're okay too, dude?" he says, testing his luck before saying something incriminating.

"No, I don't mean it like that! I mean, I like you, like you. As in...more than friends?"

For a moment, Steve thought he screwed up. Because Eddie was standing there without saying anything and it was impossible for him to tell if that was a good thing or not. Eventually, he relaxed just a little when he noticed Eddie approaching him, though the fact that he was standing much closer now almost made his knees tremble.

It was only when Eddie was standing right in front of Steve that a smile appeared on his lips. "You like me?" he asks.

"I...yeah, I just said that..." Steve stutters, too nervous to properly reply.

"Say it again," Eddie pleaded.

After a brief silence, Steve replied with a barely audibly, "I like you." He could feel Eddie's hand gently cupping the side of his face, which only encouraged Steve to repeat, "I like you."

Eddie was dangerously close to him right now, his thumb softly caressing his cheek, their nose practically rubbing together and his lips almost touching his. The sensation of their bodies so close made Steve wrap his arms around Eddie's body, needing to have him fully pressed against his own. He wondered if Eddie could feel his heartbeats right now, truly hoping he was so he could get an idea of the power he holds over him.

"Again," Eddie whispers, their lips practically touching now.

"I like you, Eddie Munson," Steve complied, praying that would make him earn the kiss.

And that was exactly what happened, because as soon as he heard those words, Eddie crashed his lips against Steve's. It was obvious to them that both were waiting for this moment for a while now. It could be proven by the way Steve would hold him so impossibly close to his body, or how Eddie was practically holding onto his arm as they kissed, as if he was afraid Steve would move away.

Kissing Eddie is everything Steve was expecting and more. He's surprisingly gentle but so incredibly passionate it was hard for Steve to keep himself under control. The kiss was just so...Eddie. Like the type of kisses only he can give. Kisses envolved with such fierce, yet so soft. They were nothing but the representation of what Eddie Munson is. A seemingly intimidating and mean guy who carries the most precious soul. A freak with a heart of gold.

Steve never imagined a kiss would make him fall ten times harder for someone, yet here comes Eddie to once again prove to him that he knows absolutely nothing at all.

The kiss lasted just a few seconds, and for the two of them is has become the best moment of their lives. Eddie just couldn't seem to get enough of him, leaning closer to kiss Steve again, a gesture he gladly accepted. When they finally pulled away, Steve didn't let go of Eddie's body as he still held him close. Eddie move his hand away from Steve's face only to wrap both of his arms around his neck, one of his hands starting to play with the hair at the back of his head.

"So...that means you like me too?" Steve tried, still feeling his cheeks burning.

"I guess you can say that," Eddie grinned. "You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you."

"You did?"

"All the time," he replied. "I was practically throwing myself at you, you idiot."

"Wait, really? How come you never said anything before?"

"Yeah, I was about to confess my feelings for you in front of all your friends," he replied ironically. "I thought I was being obvious enough."

"Well, I'm terrible at reading signs so...no more of that, please. And-and don't call me Harrington anymore, it feels weird."

"What would you like me to call you, then?" Eddie asked, laughing at Steve when he saw his reaction after such question. "God, you're adorable."

Steve was evidently still very flustered, so after getting teased like that he made the gesture of letting go of Eddie, only for him to pull him closer, hugging him tightly. "I'm not," Steve protested, though accepted the hug anyway.

"You are," Eddie argued. "And I can't wait to remind you every single day."

That last comment made Steve smile, "every single day, huh?"

"Every single day," Eddie repeated.

"Honestly, I kinda like the sound of that."

Neither of them said anything else, not like there was a need to say anything when they can just stay in each other's arms for as long as they could before having to let go. To spend as much time as they could like this to make up for all the time they lost admiring each other in silence.

And for once, Steve let go of his worries about Vecna. All that really matters to him is the fact that he's here, right now, with Eddie. The knight finally getting the knight. The happy ending he so desperately wanted to have.

[mrsbsmooth]

I’m trying to forget about the mess that the writers have made, soooo - if you were in charge of writing this season (we all wish it were true, let’s be honest), what kinds of jobs would you let us, the readers/players, pick for MC to have? What kind of customisation would you add to their personality/life? I’m just trying to envision a season where the writers aren’t lazy as fuck 🤡 imagine this season if we got ACTUAL choices? Branching?! Oooof.

Okay, so in and of itself, I think the characters themselves are fine. They need fleshing out, and they need a lot more depth, but Suresh, Alfie, Finn, Eddie, Pete, Johnny, and Nicolas are, at the very least, different from each other.

The girls have zero depth. Kat is the best written out of all of them, as she actually has some depth and character development. Once again, they've done our brown girls dirty, making Arlo a jealous bitch, Dana a two-faced snake, Meera a wallflower (until she comes back and then she has to be bitchy to get her man, wtf?).

Rewriting the season?

NUMBER ONE.

MC needs a fucking personality. We need a backstory. We need a job. We need interests, and hobbies, and we need things to matter. We need to have a wider range of reactions other than "I care, I don't care, I don't know how I feel."

Let me tear up. Let me go scorched earth on a bitch. Let me complain and whine and be selfish. LET ME FUCKING GRAFT.

NUMBER TWO

We need our choices to matter. If I reject Suresh, he should be rubbing Arlo in my face. If I'm hinting that I might want him back, he should be more subtle about it, and at least be a bit more worried about hurting my feelings.

If I tell Eddie I want to climb him like a tree, he should fucking PICK ME AT THE RECOUPLING! If I make out with Finn behind Kat's back, I want her to find out and go PSYCHO on me. CONSEQUENCES, PLEASE!!!!!

NUMBER THREE

The dialogue needs work. Dana saying 'Bonkers-Tonkers' or Suresh saying 'Shut up, you idiot!'. I'm sorry... what is this... primary school? IDC about the Apple Store's crackdown on sexual content. It would have been so easy to just make Dana say 'That was insane!' and Suresh seethe out a "Stop talking, mate." A corporate lawyer is not going to just randomly burst out with a childish insult when he gets upset, I'm sorry, that is not how arguing works. Also in this vein CAN WE HAVE SOME ACTUAL SEX SCENES PLEASE????

NUMBER FOUR

Give me some information about the damn love interests *sobbing*. Alfie's dog is named Benji? Finn has five older brothers? I fucking LOVE that, GIVE ME MORE! I want to know about their hobbies. I want to know about Gary's Nan, and Noah's brother's swim team, and Bobby's mates in the kitchen, and Henrik's book he's reading. I want to know about Priya's insecurities. Tai's broken pottery connection to his Dad. I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT KERRY THE IRISH SETTER!

Give us details about the characters, for god's sake. I NEED MORE.

AND FINALLY

NUMBER FIVE

Everyone needs to stop being so goddamn mean to MC.

Exactly how is it my fault that I hugged Suresh, Kat overexaggerated what happened, and then hooked up with the guy I liked, and everyone's walking around like it's my fault?

Exactly how it it my fault that my ex is so hung up on me that he can't stop talking about me, and Arlo is feeling insecure about it?

Exactly how is it my fault that Gabi is here, and is a bitch to me from the very first words out of her mouth?

If it was me in the villa, I would have burst in to tears weeks ago. This season is straight up bullying MC. She's being gaslit, blamed for everything, tortured, and dragged through the mud, and for what? For some half-assed dedication from Johnny/Nicolas, a confession from Finn that will likely go nowhere, and being kicked into the mud by both Suresh and Alfie?

ALSO I LOVE HOW ALFIE LITERALLY SLEPT WITH MC AND THEN THE NEXT DAY HOOKS UP WITH KAT AND THEN BRINGS MEERA BACK FROM CASA SAYING HE HAD A BETTER CONNECTION WITH HER OH ISN'T THAT FUCKING CONVENIENT Alfie you god damn snake.

[libraryofloveletters]

buck x fem reader work together / secretly dating but they act like they hate each other and the team doesn’t know. reader is also bobby’s daughter (or niece up to you) and scared of his reaction (prompts 17, 37, 42, 81)

Unconventional

Evan Buckley x Reader 

Prompts: #17: “We shouldn’t be doing this”, #37: “Uh why is your shirt inside out?”, #42: “I love you”, #81: “I can explain” 

Warnings: fem!reader, worrying, vulgar/suggestive comments (kinda but not really ?), suggested sexual content, a few swear words, kissing, mentions of hospitals, surgery and injuries. 

Category: fluff with a lil angst 

Word Count: 4.4k

Author's Note: I wrote it as bobby’s niece, it just made more sense :) hope you liked it!! 

---- 

Evan Buckley was a pain in your ass. 

He had been since the day you met him. His annoyingly attractive face, his stupid pretty blue eyes and his smile, not to mention how sweet he was. You couldn't help but hate him. Not in the typical “I hate your guts and hope you fall down a flight of stairs” way but in the “god you’re gorgeous and I want to marry you” way. 

Did you plan on liking the ridiculously attractive firefighter ? Most definitely not. 

Were you also planning on dating him in secret ? Also a no. 

Hence why you were sitting in his jeep on a Saturday at 3 in the morning. The two of you had gone on a date to this little restaurant outside of the city but everything that could go wrong kind of did go wrong.

Buck’s shift was supposed to end at 6 but they got a call last minute so he didn’t get home until 7:30. You called to push the reservation back and when he did pick you up, you got stuck in traffic. By the time the two of you got to the restaurant, it was 8:30 and the woman said she called to see if the two of you still needed the reservation but there was no answer (she didn’t call but neither of you were in the mood to argue) - Now it's 9 pm and the two of you still haven't had dinner. Venturing down the block, there was nowhere that seemed appealing. The night really began at some random mom and pop dinner you spotted by the beach. Deciding to have your own little dinner date on the beach, it was now 9:30. Buck had a blanket in the trunk (you didn’t ask why nor did you really wanna know) and you sat on the beach and had dinner. Time flew by, it was around 1 when the two of you began wondering what time it was. 

The date was now prolonged by Buck’s craving for something sweet so once again, the two of you were on a hunt but for somewhere to go. He googled the closest ice cream parlour but most places were closed, he searched until he finally found a place that was 20 minutes away. It was totally worth the drive considering it was some of the best ice cream you've had in your life. Which now brought you to 2:20 in the morning, the two of you were still sitting on the hood on his jeep, a container of half eaten ice cream between you. 

Buck looked over at you, a smile on his face. “Did you have fun ? despite, you know, all the shit that went wrong ?” you chuckled, “I did.” Buck had a shift at 11 so it was time for the night to come to an end. One of his hands held yours and the other on the wheel, you were staring out the window as the breeze blew by. 

“Something on your mind babe?” Buck asked you, glancing over at you as you turned towards him. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this” you mumbled, you didn’t want to end things with him but that didn’t mean that you didn’t have doubts about where this relationship was going. “What do you mean ?” he asks, his eyes on the road. “I mean how long are we going to hide this from everyone ?” your eyes back out the window, Buck sighed and the conversation dropped. There were a few minutes of silence and the tension filled the car, Buck finally spoke up “you were the one that didn’t want to say anything.” his voice came off a bit harsher than you expected, letting go of his hand, your body shifted towards the door and way from him. He noticed your change in emotion and seating. 

“Babe, I'm sorry. It's just that you didn’t want to say anything and it’s entirely your choice. I get it but we can figure it out. One step at a time, okay ?” Buck looks over at you when he pulls into the parking lot. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” leaning over the console to press a kiss to his cheek.  “Good night Buck, thank you for tonight” you give him a smile and get out of the jeep. Buck follows you, “let me walk you up,” he grabs your wrist, the two of you stopped in the middle of the parking lot. “That’s fine, I'll text you so you know I’m okay. You need to get home anyways, you have a shift and you need your sleep” shaking your head, you pull your hand away from him and head inside before he can ask again. 

He was right, it was your choice not to say anything but you weren't sure how your uncle would react. This relationship wouldn't just affect your relationship with him but also his relationship with Buck. You didn’t- couldn't let Buck jeopardize his work life for his love life. 

Shutting the door once you get into your apartment, you send a text to your boyfriend. 

To Lover Boy Buck: I’m home, text me when you get home. Sleep well <3

From Lover Boy Buck: Just pulled in, goodnight babe 

----

Athena’s birthday was on Saturday and Bobby had planned a surprise party for her. With a little help from May, things were in place. 

Bobby had taken Athena out for lunch at some fancy cafe that was impossible to get into and then to see a play. While they were out, you headed over to their place to help May set up. Upon arriving, you saw that Hen was already there as was Buck. 

“Good afternoon my loves!” you shout as you walk over to the kitchen. “I come with coffee” you hand a cup to May and the other to Hen, the two are thankful for the coffee as you had a shit ton of decorating to do and only a few hours to get it done. Buck leant against the wall by the kitchen entryway, “where's mine?” he asked which made you roll your eyes. “Didn’t know that you were gonna be here, no one invited you anyways.” you reply, sorting through the packages of balloons on the table, you toss one and it hits him square in the face. 

“Ow!” he shouts, rubbing his cheek. 

“Oh did I hurt you ?” you ask, pouting at him mockingly. 

Considering the weird note that the two of you left on during your last date, plus not being able to see each other that week left things in a bit of a mess. 

May and Hen exchange glances, “Buck, how about you help put up the banner in the backyard ?” she practically dragged Buck by the arm and into the yard. May was in the kitchen icing some cupcakes that she and Harry had made the night before when she called for you. 

“Why don't you get along with Buck ? I don't know him all the well but he seems like a good guy” May pleads his case unintentionally. 

He is a good guy 

“Ever meet someone and you just don’t like them ?” you ask, she hums. “That’s me with Buck” is what came out instead. 

“I get it.” she nodded, she began telling you about a guy in her chemistry class that just got on her nerves all the time. You excused yourself when the doorbell rang. Chim and Maddie had arrived right as Karen pulled into the driveway with Denny and Nia. You let everyone in and they began helping too. About an hour later, Eddie arrives with Chris and the cake. You take the cake from him so he can help Chris with his jacket.  

“Buck!” you shout

“Yeah ba- yeah ?” he corrects himself last second. Your eyes widen at the word that almost slipped out of his mouth. No one seem to catch it except for Chim who gave you a weird look but you just brush it off. 

“Take this, I need to change.” you hand the cake off to him and head to the bathroom to change into your dress. A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door and then it opened. 

“Hey! I'm chang- oh it’s just you” you mumble as he shuts the door. Buck’s back pressed up against the door. “Are you just gonna watch me or are you going to help me?” you turn, your back towards him now. Pulling your hair over your shoulder, you feel one of Buck’s hands on your waist and then the tug of the zipper.  

“Must you always fight with me, y/n ?” he presses a kiss to your shoulder, his arms wrapping around your waist. “Must you always get on my nerves, Evan ?” you were looking back at him in the mirror, he flashed you a smile and nodded, a rather amused look on his face. “Yeah, it's kind of my job to irritate you” his arms loosen as you turn around to face him now, leaning back against the counter. “Well I guess then I have to fight with you” running your hand through his hair, he leans into you, his forehead against yours. 

“You know, they say make love, not war” he whispers, his lips almost touching yours. A little chuckle slips past your lips, “is this your way of saying that we should stop fighting ?” you mumble as you press a kiss to his lips. Buck pulls you closer to him - which you didn’t even think was possible, “no, it’s my way of saying we should make love” he smiles against your lips as he lifts you up onto the counter and you let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. “Oops” a hand comes up to cover your mouth. Buck can't help but smile, you were adorable and all he wanted was to go out there and tell everyone that he’s in love with you, something he hadn't even told you yet, but at last, he could not. 

“You’re cheesy, you know that right ?” looking up at him whilst you fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “If you want to fuck me, just say so” he tells you to which you reply “you're so vulgar Evan” while rolling your eyes. 

“Oh I'll show you vulgar” he chuckles and pulls off his shirt, his hand reaching behind you to unzip your dress. 

--

Buck left the bathroom first, the house had filled up within the 20 minutes the two of you were in the bathroom. He ran his hand through his hair in hopes to fix it from the tugging that just happened. As he stepped out into the backyard, his sister’s voice called out to him.

“Buck!” she walked over, “you’ve been so busy I haven't gotten a chance to say hi yet” she pulls her brother into a hug. Maddie’s face screws into a confused look. “Did you try a new body wash or something ?” she looks up at Buck, his brows furrow but he shakes his head. “Why?” he asks, “you smell like mint” she informs him. 

You step out into the backyard, a tube of mint chapstick between your fingers,  being applied to your lips. Buck’s eyes were on you, watching as the tube rubbed across your lips, his mind back to those lips were moments ago. Chimney’s voice caused him to pull his eyes away from you and onto him. 

“Uh why is your shirt inside out?” Chim asks him, brows raised. Buck looks down and his shirt is on inside out, “uh, I- uh I had to change.” he says, hoping they’d believe him. 

“You had that shirt on when we got here.” Chim had a puzzled look on his face. 

“Oh Christopher is calling for me, excuse me” Buck walks off before they could say anything. He did indeed make his way over to Eddie and Chris, you were on the other side of the backyard when your phone chimed. 

From Lover Boy Buck: Couldn't you have told me my shirt was on inside out?

To Lover Boy Buck: And how was I supposed to know that ? I didn’t have time to look at you

From Lover Boy Buck: Oh really ? You had plenty of time a few minutes ago 

To Lover Boy Buck: Behave. 

From Lover Boy Buck: Make me. 

You roll your eyes at his comment, May coming out and shouting that they just pulled in. Everyone stood by the backdoors, waiting for Athena and Bobby to come in. 

Athena had a blindfold on as Bobby led her down the stairs to the backyard. “I swear if you did somethin-” he undoes the blindfold mid sentence. 

“Surprise!!” everyone shouts, Athena had a huge smile on her face. She turns to Bobby, “you did all this ?” he smiles but shakes his head, “I had some help” nodding towards May, Athena walked over to her daughter to give her a hug. Bobby and Athena went around to say hello to everyone, Bobby coming over to you and Eddie, Buck and Chris were sitting beside each other. “Hey” Bobby smiled at the two of you, “hey” you smiled back before you gave him a hug. 

“What do I own you for today ?” he asks you

“Nothing at all, I'm glad I could help.” 

“Are you sure kid ?” 

“Yeah, I'm good. I’ll let you know if I need something uncle Bobby” 

He smiles and goes off to talk to Chim and Maddie. Eddie switches places with Buck, Christopher showing his father the trick that Buck just showed him. “You’re good with kids” you tell him, “yeah, I know” he replies. “You're also an arrogant asshole but perspective I suppose.” Buck chuckled at your comment, watching as you walked away. 

It was a while before you sat down for dinner, you were in the house with Bobby, helping him bring stuff out while everyone got seated. When you returned, there were two seats left. One at the head of the table, which was where your uncle was currently headed, leaving you no choice but to sit beside Buck. “Pass me the green bowl ?” he asks you, “no thanks” you reply nonchalantly. Bobby gives you a look, “y/n, pass him the bowl” you sighed and handed the bowl to Buck who was snickering. It took all of you not to smack this man in front of everyone. 

A hand on your upper thigh startled you, you coughed and Eddie looked at you from across the table, his brows furrowed. Your hand comes down to rest on top of Buck’s. Chris followed his father’s look over to you, “are you okay y/n?” he asked you sweetly, you smiled at him. “I’m okay buddy, thank you for asking” Buck bit the inside of his cheek, holding back a smile. Oh how he wanted to kiss you right now, but again, he couldn't really do that, could he? He settled for holding your hand under the table like teenagers for now. 

----

8 o'clock and you were supposed to be there 20 minutes ago. Bobby was probably there wondering where you were. You were supposed to be having dinner with your uncle tonight to tell him about you and Buck. Buck offered to tell him but you felt like it was only right for you to tell him. 

You dialled the number but it rang out. You assumed he was still driving or maybe he was ruining late too. The phone rang while you searched for something to wear. It was Bobby. 

“Hey!” you answer, “I'm gonna be a little late” 

“Y/n, we’re gonna have to take a rain check on dinner.” Something was wrong, you could tell from the way he answered. 

“Everything okay ? Are you still at work ?” 

“I’m at the hospital.” 

“What? Why? Are you okay ? Is it Athena ?” 

“Athena and I are fine. It’s Buck, he’s in surgery right now. I don't think I'll be leaving anything soon. I’m sorry about dinner.” 

Your heart dropped when he said it was Buck. 

“Did anyone tell Maddie ? Do you want me to pick her up ?” 

“It's alright, Chim went and got her. You don't have to come, we’re ok-” 

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes” 

Grabbing the keys, you’ve never run down the stairs so fast in your life. The whole drive over, it felt like the world was moving in slow motion. He’d still be in surgery when you arrived but you needed to know what happened. 

I love you Evan Buckley. 

The 5 words replaying in your head over and over again. The 5 words you hadn’t gotten the chance to say to him. The team plus Maddie and Athena were in the waiting room. Bobby came over and gave you a hug, “is he okay ? Did you guys hear anything ?” you ask as you sit beside Maddie. “Not yet” Bobby returns to his seat. 

“Mads, I'm sorry” you gave her a hug, she gave you a small smile. “It’s okay. Buck’ll pull through. He always does.” 

-- 

3 hours later and still nothing, he had been in surgery 2 hours prior to you arriving, bringing it to a total of 5 hours. Athena and Bobby left for a few minutes to see if they could get an update on him. You looked around the room, Eddie was leant against the wall, his legs on the chairs in front of him, Hen stood by the window on the phone with who you assumed was Karen. Chim’s arm was wrapped around Maddie, her head resting on his shoulder. 

Bobby and Athena returned telling everyone that there was no update other than he was still in surgery. Your leg bounced as you waited, Bobby rested a hand on your knee when he sat back down. 

“You okay kid ?” 

“Mhm hm why ?”

“You only bounce your leg when you’re nervous. You’re sure you’re okay ?” 

“Yeah, I'm gonna go get some coffee” you announce as you get up. If you spent another minute in that room, you were going to combust, you couldn't take it. “Does anyone want anything ?” there were a few mumbles of no but Eddie gets up and says he’ll come with you. The two of you walk down the hallway to the other end. Slipping a bill into the machine, it buzzes and then nothing. Eddie watches as you push the button a few times. Frustrated and tired, your hand smacks against the machine. A few nurses glare in your direction. 

“Hey, go get some air okay ? I’ll get the coffee and meet you outside” Eddie’s hand on your back, leading you to the doors.

“Eddie, I'm fine” 

“Y/n, go. You’ve been in here for a while and honestly, I could use the air too.” 

Not in the mood to protest, you step outside. It was a little past 11 now, it was dark and cold out. Your back pressed up against the brick wall, the coldness seeping through your shirt. A hand running over your face in an attempt to wake you up, you sigh as the door opens. 

“Here” Eddie handed you a mug that didn’t look like it came from a machine. The mug read “#1 nurse” on it and his says “world’s best mom” your brows furrow, looking at the man standing beside you. “I sweet talked one of the nurses, it's fine. I promised to return the mugs when we're done.” he says casually, making you smile. You had always enjoyed Eddie’s company, he didn’t ask questions or poke around in your life, he just lived in the moment. 

“Cute shirt” he chuckles, looking down at the blue t-shirt you had on. You hadn't realized that you left wearing it. “Oh thanks” you mumble, taking a sip of coffee. “It’s Buck’s, isn't it?” he asks, you almost choked on the coffee. 

“Wha- why would you ask me that ?” 

“It reeks of his cologne,” Eddie chucked. “I’ve known for months, y/n. The two of you aren't as slick as you think.” 

“Who else knows ?” 

“No one that I know of, Chim has an idea but he hasn't said anything” 

You hummed, looking out at the parking lot in front of you. “Does Bobby know ?” Eddie’s eyes practically burn into your side.

“I was going to tell him tonight.” 

Eddie’s phone buzzed before he could say anything else. “Let’s go in, the doctors are out.” Eddie followed you into the building and back into the waiting room. The doctor has just stepped in, she glanced back at you and Eddie, “Are you here for Buckley as well ?” 

“Yeah, how is he?” Eddie asks, the two of you step further into the room. “He’s stable as of now, we managed to stop the bleeding. He’s asleep but he’s got a long road ahead of him.” the doctor inform everyone, you watch as Maddie lets out a sigh, her hand squeezing Chim’s. “I can take someone in, if they’d like to go in” Chim let go of Maddie’s hand as she went to follow the doctor down the hall. Eddie could sense the change in body language, you were relaxed until Maddie stepped out with the doctor. His hand rests on your back again, “let’s sit down. You can go in after” he whispered to you. To anyone else in the room, it would look like something was happening between you and Eddie but he was just comforting you. There was nothing happening. 

The person you were in love with was laying in a hospital bed at the other end of the hallway. 

One by one, everyone went in to see him. Chim went in first, meeting Maddie in his room. When they return, they let everyone know he’s awake. Bobby and Athena are next, they go in for a few minutes. Hen was after them, you could hear them laughing from the other end of the hallway. 

It was so good to hear him laugh. 

You and Eddie went in last. Eddie sat beside his bed on the chair, he and Buck having a conversation. Eddie looked over at you, you were standing by the door. “I think I'll go call Chris and let him know you’re alright” Eddie pats Buck’s shoulder before stepping out the room. 

Buck’s attention was now on you. “hey you” he mumbles, trying to shift into a sitting position. “Don’t move, you’ll rip your stitches.” you take a seat where Eddie was a few moments ago. Buck’s hand reaches for yours, although he was awake, his hand felt cold. Your hand rubbed against his, his eyes on you. Neither of you say anything to the other. 

“I thought I lost you for a minute there.” 

“You’ll never lose me, y/n” Buck’s hand squeezes yours. 

“But I almost did and I hated every minute of it.” the tears welling up by your eyes, you blink a few times to get rid of them but instead a few slip down. Buck reaches up to wipe your tears, his hand cupping your cheek. 

“All of this for me ?” he teases, “there was no need to worry, you know that, right?” 

“You scared me you ass, don't do that” you sniffle, your hand wrapping around his wrist. 

“Y/n, I need to tell you something” his eyes were on yours, now you were worried again. “Okay, what is-” 

“I love you” he blurts out. 

“Oh Buck” you breathe, the soft expression on his face changes to a worried one. “Oh god, I'm sor-” your hand comes up and covers his mouth. 

“I love you too” you smile at him, you can feel him smile against your hand. Moving your hand to his cheek, “you do ?” he asks, you nod. “How can I not ?” Leaning out of the chair, your lips meet his. Your hand is still cupping his face and his hand lifting off the bed to meet your waist. Shifting from the chair to the bed, you sat beside Buck, your lips still on his. 

“Excuse me?” someone clears their throat, Buck pulls away to look at who's by the door. Bobby stood in the doorway, his arms folded in front of him and a rather amused Athena beside him. Buck’s eyes widen, you look over your shoulder to see your uncle standing there. 

“I can explain. Bobby I-” Buck starts, but Bobby cuts him off. “It’s okay Buck, I know.” he steps into the room. 

“You do?” the two of you say at the same time, both of you looking at him. Bobby nods, “I might be old - well older than you two but I’m not dumb” he chuckles, “if anything, you two are the dumb ones for thinking I wouldn't know.” he says 

“I was going to tell you at dinner” 

“I figured as much, I also figured you’d want to be here when Buck woke up” 

“Thank you for calling” you smile at him, he gives you a nod. “Everyone is heading home, are you going to stay with him ?” 

You hum, your attention back on Buck. You could hear Athena and Bobby whispering in the back and then the door shuts. Buck shifts slightly on the bed, making space for you. Laying on your side, beside him, your finger traces over the words tattooed on his forearm. The world had come to a pause finally, the things around you didn’t matter right now. Everything you cared about was beside you, the hospital wasn't the ideal place but all you cared about that he was okay. 

“Tell me again” you whisper, your head on his shoulder. Buck turns his head to look at you. 

“I love you y/n l/n” 

“I love you Evan Buckley” 

Turns out you did get to say those 5 words after all. 

--- 

Taglist: @reiidsbby @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @venusrosepetal @mikaelson-emma @beth-winchester21 @averyhotchner

[feelingisshit]

Don’t Know Me - Stan Uris x Reader

Warnings - swearing, sexual mentions, victor and belch, this is my first time writing for IT

Stan and I had never really got along, it wasn’t like we always hated each other but we really never clicked as I did with the rest of the losers. We just never really had anything in common except our friends which obviously wasn’t enough because those friends started to become what was pushing us even farther apart. A snide remark from Richie here and there and then the rest of the group opting to believe Stan more often than not put more tension on our relationship and soon enough both of us did hate each other. 

“God, why do you have to correct everything I say? You’re such a fucking know-it-all Stanley!” Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes so aggressively that I thought maybe they’d fall out of his damn head. “All you do is try to take control of everything I do or say! And you know what else Stan?” I ask, moving towards him and poking a finger into his chest. “What? What nonsense do you have to say this time (y/n)? Really I’d love to know!” this makes me fume and if we were in a cartoon you’d most likely see smoke shoot out of my ears. “That! That’s what else Stan! You act like I’m so ignorant when really I get the same grades if not better than you do. Just because I don’t like to use my free time to study new things like you and Ben do doesn’t mean I’m an idiot!” I stomp and all the losers shrink back away from us.

I look over at them and my eyes immediately when I see that Eddie and Ben are visibly worried. I turn back to Stan who’s looking down on me with an expression I can’t quite read. I sigh heavily before grabbing my bag off the dirt-covered planks of the clubhouse and heading to the ladder up. “W-Where are you y-y-you go-going (y/n)?” Bill stutters out and I shoot Stan a glare before looking back at Bill. “I need a breather so I’m going back into town, probably home. If you guys want to hang out again later that’s fine by me.” I say before taking the ladder back up to the surface and walking back towards town to get ice cream.

“Why? Why the fuck does he hate me so much?” I cried, leaning over my ice cream. God Stan pisses me off to no end but at least I’m really the only one who he treats this way. At least he’s nice to the rest of the losers. “He’d be so pretty if he wasn’t scowling all the time…” I say to myself before finishing my ice cream. As I finish my cone and start to get up I get pushed back down onto the curb. I look up and see the two remaining boys of Bowers’ gang above me with hesitant smiles and shifting eyes. They look down on me with much more venom than I’ve ever seen in Stan’s eyes when he looks at me. “What are you doing all alone on the pavement? Your group of fuck buddies tired of you already? Ya get too used for their liking?” Victor spat at me and I let out a laugh without thinking. He grabbed me by my top and pulled me closer to him, so close that I could smell the liquor he had been drinking. The scent hit my nose so hard that I didn’t get to hear what he had said before he slapped me, threw me to the pavement, kicked me in the side a few times, then ran for the hills with Belch following closely behind.

“Are you alright (y/n)?” I didn’t get to register who had said that to me before I started crying again. Whoever had come to check on me just sat beside me quietly listening and rubbing a hand over my back to help soothe me. While I cried I let everything go to this stranger, I told them about practically everything that had been bothering me. Like part of the traumatic events of earlier that summer and how much Stan being a major dickhead was affecting me. All they did was rub their hand up and down my back and before I had realized it, the sun was already almost set and I would need to be home soon for dinner.  I quickly got up, wiped my eyes, gathered my belongings, and shouted a quick thanks before running off in the direction of my home without thinking to take a quick look back.

The next few times the losers club hung out Stan was fairly silent, opting to read a book instead of listening to mostly just Eddie and Richie bickering. The fourth hangout all Stan could seem to do was stare at me over the edge of his big book of birds. Yet, every time I locked eyes with him he looked away quickly, acting as if he hadn’t just been peering at me for at least fifteen minutes straight. That was about all I could stand to let him stare me down while I was trying to have a conversation with Ben and Beverly. “Why is he staring at you like that? Did something happen after you went to take a breather?” Bev questioned and Ben shuddered from the memory of how angry I had gotten. “I have no fucking clue to be completely honest with you. I really wish I did know what was going on in that pretty head of his…” I said without really thinking too much and both Ben and Bev did a double-take after I had said it. I regretted my words as soon as they had absentmindedly come out of my mouth and I laid my head in my hands, thankful that Stan was sitting on the other side of the clubhouse from us.  

“(y/n)? What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.” Bev teased and Ben pushed her a bit but all she did was laugh and then lean onto Ben’s shoulder to listen to what I’ll have to say. “Seriously tho, Bev’s teasing aside, I never thought I’d hear you say something like that about one of us and especially not Stan.” I groan and lift my head to look around. Everyone was still caught up in their conversations to pay us any mind. The only person who even thought to give us attention was still just Stan. When I caught his eyes with mine he didn’t look away immediately like he had before, like he somehow knew we were talking about him. I wave my hand awkwardly and he simply nods back at me and then looks back down to keep reading his big bird book.

I leaned forward towards the two so that hopefully only they could hear me. “Yeah…” I sighed and shook my head “I think Stan is cute but that doesn’t change the fact that we still basically hate each other.” Ben nodded thoughtfully with a hand to his chin. Bev butts in, “I don’t know, I think something has changed. He’s never kept his distance like this.” She stated plainly, leaning back against the wooden post with her hands laced behind her head. “He usually just sits with everyone and then argues with you if you bring something up. Are you sure nothing happened between you two after you had left?” She asks closing her eyes to rest them, a soft smile resting on her lips.

“I mean yeah i’m sure, unless you guys sent him after me. Someone, I didn't get to see who, checked up on me after I got pushed around a bit by Victor and Belch outside the ice cream shop.” She coughed and sat straight up looking at me with wide eyes, trying to catch her breath. “Victor and Belch got to you and you didn’t think to mention it to any of us?!” Bev shouted which quickly gained the rest of the boys’ attention. The only eyes that didn't look up at Bev were Stan’s. In fact, he actually shrank even further into his book if that were even possible. I tried to wave everyone’s attention off but none of them even started to look away until I had proved that I was fine other than a few bruises. After they had all finally gone back to their prior conversations I told Ben and Bev what I had ended up saying to whoever was kind enough to comfort one of the loser kids. Ben and Bev exchanged looks but neither of them seemed to want to make an effort to express what they were thinking.

The next time we all got together again was at Bill’s place for a sleepover. And by then whatever remorse Stan had for me had passed because he was back to being obnoxious as usual, correcting my grammar, and whatever else he thought I was wrong about. “Ya know what Stan?” I finally spit out after he had corrected my grammar for maybe the twelfth time already that night. Everyone looked nervously between the two of us, scared that a screaming match would start soon. Stan cocked an eyebrow at me and my eye twitched before I started to answer, “Stan, I have no idea why you had mercy on me for a few days and I have absolutely no clue what crawled up your fucking ass and died that put you in a shit mood but I really don’t want to be in a bad mood tonight. Do you think you could at least be a little nicer to me for your friends so you don’t fuck up their time?” I was exhausted already and we had only been at Bill’s for maybe an hour. “Honestly I might just head to bed now so Stan plays nice since he only ever seems to really be upset with me. Or maybe I’ll just head home even so I’m not even in the same house to be upset with. Oh, and Stan?” He tilted his head questioningly. “Maybe get to know a girl a bit more before you hate her cause honestly you don’t even really know me.” I breathed and gathered my belongings. I tried to leave too but Bill was one step ahead of me.

“P-please do-don’t leave (y/n). You can go l-lay down in-in my room if y-you need a bre-breather.” I nod and smile softly, “Thanks Billy.” I say before setting my bag back down on the floor by the couch and heading up to Bill’s room for a break from the chaos. After a few minutes of getting to lay in silence and stare at the ceiling a knock sounded at Bill’s bedroom door. “Come in,” I say, half expecting Ben, Bev, or Eddie to be the one at the door but when I look over at the door after it had opened I see Stan standing there awkwardly in the frame of the door. “I said you could come in Stan, I don’t know why you’re up here but believe me you’re welcome to come in none the less.” I say looking back up at the ceiling. I hear the floorboards creak and feel the bed dip beside me. I hear Stan mumble something and I sigh and sit up on the bed. “I couldn’t hear what you said, you’re mumbling.” I state, looking straight at Stan whose face is red and his golden brown eyes are shifting quite a lot. “I’m sorry, okay!” he suddenly shouted and it startled me since he doesn’t usually get very loud.

“What?” I say more out of confusion than anything else and Stan stands and starts to head towards the door. I jump up and grab at his wrist to stop him. “I didn’t come in here to fight you, I’m sorry. I’ll try to leave you be from now on. That’s all I came to say.” he rubs the back of his neck with his free hand nervously. “You sure? It sorta seems like there’s more you want to say.” I ask and he sighs, “I was the person who was with you after Victor and Belch got to you  and I didn’t realize how much what i said actually affected you. So, I’m sorry for everything I’ve said to or about you.” He apologizes with a red face and I chuckle lightly. “I’m sorry too Stan, I haven’t been all that honest with you either.” He tilts his head in confusion and I shake my head and continue, “I don’t hate you Stan, I honestly wish I did after everything you’ve done and said to me to piss me off over the years. Really I,” I pause, taking a deep breath before I admit this to him. 

“I  honestly think you’re pretty cute, handsome, pretty, whatever word you’d prefer.” I manage to spit out with a heated face and this time not from anger but from slight embarrassment of admitting something I’ve only told Bev and Ben. He just stands there staring at me in awe or shock, I couldn’t quite tell which. I place a hand on his shoulder and pull him down to my level. I place a soft kiss on his cheek before starting to head back to the group sitting in Bill’s living room. “I guess you do know me huh Stan Uris?” I whisper to myself before walking into the living room and sitting down among the other losers.

[qvid-pro-qvo]

we meet now and then on a winter’s day (and i am all the better for it)

rafael barba x female!reader. 

word count: 13,187 (forgive me for either writing less than a thousand words or over 10k. one day i’ll learn moderation.)

rating: teen, for growing pains, and learning to love home no matter where you are (canon-typical mentions of sexual abuse/sex crimes). 

link to it on AO3. 

-

You’re too clumsy for your own good. 

Your limbs are gangly, your feet are too big, and every step feels like a struggle to stay upright.  It’s the worst of times, tenth grade.

And high schoolers are brutal, and you get a feeling it’s extra so in New York.  They don’t take no for an answer, they laugh in your face and spit on you (figuratively… sometimes). Girls trip you in their stunning shoes that your feet could never fit in, poke at your knobby knees, and boys don’t even bother with you.

You’re new, and a loner, and can’t keep your books in your hands, and it all seems to combine into an ugly cocktail, one that makes you lash out. Other loners usually have one thing wrong with them. You have two left feet and a name no one knows. Easy target.

So you don’t see the three boys in front of you, walking home, because your head is ducked and your knees ache from the way you fell in the middle of the damn hallway. And one of them for sure doesn’t see you. He’s walking backwards, his mouth running, but you don’t hear anything either, not what he’s saying, not his friends who try to warn him in attempts of Spanish and English. 

You feel the collision, though. It’s not violent, but the girth of his bookbag into your chest knocks you backwards onto your ass. You cry out in pain, one of your ankles catching underneath you, and it feels like something twists, hard enough to hurt. 

Well. It wasn’t as if you were having such a good day before.

“Jesus fuck,” you hiss, and when you look up, a boy is leaning over you. His green eyes are startling, and you think he’s apologizing, but your eyes have to blink away some reflexive tears to really see the way his lips are moving. You’re still dazed, but you realize that it’s three of them, leaning over you, and you don’t like the way they’re staring.

“That’s what you get for running your mouth, Barba,” a boy teases, reaching forward to punch the kid directly above you in the shoulder. He takes it, but he’s still focused on you, those eyes not giving you a break. It makes your face redden, and you dip your chin, clench your jaw.

“Shut it, Eddie,” he says quickly, and it takes you a moment to recognize the words. You just manage a tight smile and groan as you shift off of your ankle. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you tell him. He nods at that, but he still doesn’t really take a step back. Just pulls up from his crouched position. “Really, just. Uh. Sorry, I guess.”

“You don’t have to give him an excuse,” the third boy informs her. “Hey, Rafi, give her some space, you don’t have to keep her on the ground.”

With that he pulls back, and you get a good look at them. The three of them are in uniform. You recognize the colors, your block a healthy mix of that particular school’s students and the P.S. you attended. The two behind the one who ran into you – what was it, Rafi? – have their ties undone, shirts untucked. The boy in front of you has his uniform perfect, however, and you watch as he lifts his hand to run through the front of his hair. He looks a little older, almost adult, and your limbs feel like the legs of a fawn, a jumbled heap. You know you look disheveled, in comparison, making you drop your eyes before you push yourself up.

“Can you stand?” he asks.

“Yes, I’m fine,” you bite out, and the day comes back to you in a wave, one that makes your eyes began to water. “Just. Leave me be, all right?”

“And leave you on the ground?” He scoffs like the implication itself is an offense. It’s as if he doesn’t recognize the scowl on your face as being directed towards him. “Come on, take my hand.”

He reaches out to you. His hand is almost shoved in your face, and you pull back for a moment before looking at the group of them.

They don’t seem… mean. Just… boys. Your mother’s voice sings in your head, reminding you that asking for help isn’t a weakness, just a fact of life. And while you wish that wasn’t true, the fact of life was also you were in a lot of pain.

With a sigh, you settle on reaching out and taking it, and when he starts to help pull you up the other two assist. You tried to ignore the prickle of your eyes, closing them as you were lifted from the ground.

However, your ankle gives out as soon as you put weight on it. You make it to your full height for a moment, before suddenly you’re falling forward again.

But they catch you. Rafi does, really, and the other boys help get you to standing. You ignore the look that the two of them give you, eye rolls and shared smirks.

“That ankle’s not going to take you home,” the Barba kid tells you. You glance down at it, wincing at the swelling, and he turns to his friends. “Let’s walk her.”

“Oh, no, did you break it?” Eddie asks, horrified, but that earns him a smack on the back of the head from the third friend.

“Que eres estúpido? Shut up, Eddie, it’s twisted at the worst.”

A snort left you. You can’t get a word in edgewise, the way they start clambering over each other, arguing, but you raise your voice, make yourself heard. “I’m just… hey, I’m just down the street, I can manage. You guys seem like you need to go somewhere.”

“Well, if you’re just down the street then it’s not a problem.” Rafi’s voice is matter of fact, and with a grin he reaches for your arm. “Alejandro, get the other side.”

“Rafi, no offense, but, uh, let Eddie handle that. You and me together will make her even more lopsided.” Alejandro has a grin, bright at the not-so-subtle dig.

“Eres el peor,” the boy mutters, and with a roll of his eyes, he pulls back, hands lifting in surrender.

Eddie and Alejandro laugh, and so do you, a little chuckle, more for the tone than the actual words. Their banter makes you forget your shitty day, focusing on the group of three as they tussle for a place at your side.

“Where do you live?” Rafi asks, and you point down the street.

“I’m the… fourth building on the right?” you guess, wincing as your foot dragged along the ground. “Fucking, fucking shit, lift it, lift.”

“You’re not exactly helping,” Eddie shoots at you, and your eyes roll, the urge to yank away overruled by common sense.

“I’m trying. Look, you can just leave me alone. It’s not broken, and I’ll make it,” you point out, but all that earns is a scoff from Rafi Barba, an eye roll as he turns to face the three of you as you hobble along.

“Not happening. Look, we’re almost there. Then we’ll leave you be, and you can tell your family how you were rescued by los tres mosqueteros de Jerome Avenue.” His eyes are alight with a kind of mischief, and Alejandro snorts next to him.

“Does it count if one of ‘em is the problem?”

You chat the rest of the way. They bombard each other with questions, and a couple to you, most of which you can’t manage to answer as they tease each other and poke and prod. A couple of times you stumble, but they’re there, keeping you upright, and Rafi makes sure that you don’t fall face first onto concrete. He walks backwards, then forwards, then backwards again, always making sure that you can hear him as he talks about whatever crosses the mind of the three.

It seems like a lifetime, but no longer than a minute or two. You walk, forward, forward, forward, and then you’re up against your building, leaning against it after forcing Eddie and Alejandro to let you go.

“I’ve just gotta buzz my mom,” you tell them. “Trust me, you’re free to go, I can make it.”

“Not likely,” Rafi’s incredulous at the suggestion, but you just roll your eyes. “You can barely stand up straight.”

He’s firmly planted. Eddie and Alejandro look more ready to skedaddle, bouncing on their toes as the cold hits them. Rafi is just staring, and you find yourself meeting his gaze, lifting your chin. “Look, I know you feel obligated, but I don’t make a habit of showing strangers my exact address –“

“And I would contend we’re not strangers. Acquaintances at the very least, maybe even friends. We know each other’s names; we’ve been quite friendly.”  

“Oh, yeah? You know my name?”

The silence is deafening. That wins it. Because Rafi Barba, in all of his urgency, in all of their chatting, never once asked. None of them did. Which doesn’t hurt your feelings. It’s easy to pull away from people you don’t know, and you’d rather just make it up the rickety elevators in peace. Crawl into your bed and die from mortification and exhaustion.

You asked for help. Now the help was over.

“Look, you did your good deed for the day, I made it home,” you counter, “now please, can I get there on my own?”

Just then, the door opens. Your mom comes out, sees your swollen ankle, and that should be their cue.

“Oh, sweetie,” she hummed. “No more dancing for a while, huh?”

“Dancing?” Rafi asks, and he looks between you and your mother with curiosity. 

“Nope, nothing,” you scramble to say. Those moments weren’t for anyone else, just the two of you. “Anyways, thanks so much, but I should really be getting upstairs, and… sleeping. Yes, sleeping. Okay, thanks again, bye!”

You turn to hobble away, hoping your mother will say goodbye and follow you. But instead, she just smiles at the boys and looks at each of them in turn, looking over their uniforms and identical grins, Eddie and Alex lingering back behind the real culprit.

“Thank you so much for bringing my girl home,” she tells them. Her smile is bright, almost incandescent. She has that way about her, your mother, the kind of face that everyone loves, the kind of laugh that everyone is drawn to. You wish you’d inherited that, instead of gangly limbs from a man you barely knew. “She always walks home alone, and it worries me every time.”

“Mom, they were nice and all, but they probably have lives,” you sigh out, and Eddie and Alex seem to agree. They already seem to be creeping away, but Rafi is stubbornly still. “Let them get home, get out of the cold.”

“Oh, all right, all right.” She reaches for you, wraps your arm around her shoulders, and you wince as it scrapes the floor again. “Thank you, boys.”

“We should get home, Barba,” Eddie calls out. “Tus padres estarán esperando, vamanos.”

Something passes across Rafi’s face. It’s quick, and dark, but it’s there, and he nods, his jaw clenching.

“Thank you,” you say again, and it’s a little more heartfelt, genuine. You even smile, a little, an effort to wash that sour look from his face. But you’re turning away, too, when you suddenly hear Rafi Barba call out to you.

“Your name?” he asks. “Just so I know what to yell next time we almost collide.”

“If he’s facing forward,” Eddie mutters to Alejandro, who you can hear snort and shove his toe against the sidewalk.

Your eyes roll, and you look over your shoulder at the boy. He waits, patiently, for the answer, even as Eddie and Alex start moseying down the sidewalk, and his smile is more a smirk, proud of himself when you give it to him, first and last.

He repeats it, gesturing to you and making sure he gets it right. And then he points to himself, his lips quirking again. “Rafael Barba.” He reaches for your hand, and when you hesitate, he raises a brow. Those eyes pierce you. “Not friends. But. Acquaintances?”

“Cute,” you retort, but you’re reaching to shake his hand without thinking about it, gloved hands warm in each other’s grip. “Deal.”

You don’t remember why the day was shitty anymore. Just that your ankle hurts, and you now know that his full name is Rafael.

-

College is complicated. College is sitting and studying in your dorm room and then sitting and studying someplace else. College is hitting your head as you wake up because you have the top bunk. College is crying with frustration over chemistry.

But college is also realizing you really like what the psych professor talks about. College is finally making some real friends, and mellowing out because of it. Your lashing out fades as your anger does, the realization that people can be kind. College is getting a job and not minding that either, because you don’t mind serving others coffee if you get it for free.

So you end up liking Hudson, overall. It’s nice. College, the feel, the people, they’re nice. And you’re close enough to home that you and your mom end up still having a little bit of a dance party every so often. New York isn’t too much of a home, it never will be, but Hudson and your friends and your mom are, and it’s… it’s good, for once.

The holidays approach. Your first real break is coming up, but so are finals, and so your eyes are forcing significant figures back into your brain as you walk to your mom’s place. You had promised her you’d take a break to have dinner, but as your eyes cross with the rules you’re realizing it’s becoming less and less likely that you’ll be able to stop and talk much at all.

Your feet start tangling. You’ve gotten better at walking (only took you nineteen years to really master it), but you’re distracted and frustrated, and it’s not long before you’re tumbling forward, knees scraping the pavement, elbow smacking against the ground. You’re lucky the fall is buffered by your heavy winter gear, but your arm goes numb anyway as you nail your funny bone. Your notes go flying, your knowledge of significant figures scattering across the walkway.

“Fucking shit,” you hiss, holding your arm against your body. It’s not broken, but it hurts like a bitch, and you start crawling over towards where your notes fell to start gathering them up when a pair of gloved hands join your sole functioning one.

“Thank you so much,” you start saying, not really looking up in case the bitter winter wind takes away your notes before you can reach them. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, I just wasn’t watching my feet.”

“It’s really okay. Are you all right?” a voice asks you, and when you look up to see the kind of stranger who would help a poor student out on the street, you’re assaulted by startling green eyes.

Suddenly a memory comes back to you, of a wintry street and an ankle that twinges now in remembrance. You don’t know why you remember, but it’s there, three years past suddenly right in your rearview.

“Are you all right?” he asks you, and you realize you’ve just been staring at him. But a name is struggling to come to the surface, and you blink a few times, still captured by those damn eyes.

“Uh,” you get out. Y’know. Intelligently. He just raises a brow.

“Do you… have these?” he tries, and you realize he’s been holding onto a stack of notes that he collected, holding them out to you.

It hits you, then, and you reach for the notes with such ferocity that he immediately drops his hand when you snag them. You remember.

“Rafael Barba,” you breathe out, blinking a bit.

A beat. “How do you know my name?” the stranger asks. But this guy isn’t exactly a stranger, and of course, he’s now seen you fall to the ground twice in one lifetime. Too many times, if the lifetime is asking you, but it’s not, and it’s still far from over.

You pull back, with your notes, absently trying to get them all right-side up. You’re seeing all of him now, kneeling on the ground, face red with the wind, and it’s definitely him. The slicked back hair, and he’s even wearing a sweater over a button up. Very Catholic school.

But all he knows is that a strange girl has been staring at him, openly, and just blurted his name out of nowhere. You scramble to explain yourself. “Sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, just – I – we’ve met,” you stammer out. “Briefly. We’re… acquaintances. I don’t even know how I remember, but you… you might remember my ankle better than me.”

You see him thinking. From furrowed with concern to suspicion. And then recognition, and he’s smirking and shaking his head, glancing around where the two of you are basically sitting on the concrete. He says your name, slowly, like he did that first time too long ago. “I was just thinking about how little things have changed,” he chuckles, and you smirk, shrugging. “Seems like I was right in more ways than one.”

“Well, I don’t think clumsiness goes away,” you admit, “and this time it wasn’t your fault, so you don’t have to walk me to my apartment if you don’t want to.”  

He laughs. It’s short, but bright, and you smile, cutting it with a wince as you slide the backpack on your shoulders. “Might have to, to make sure you stay on both feet.”

“I’m sure I can make it,” you assure him, but when you straighten out the elbow you injured, your face contorts, and he winces in sympathy. “I can walk this time, at least. No getting carried by los – los tres mos –“

“Los tres mosqueteros,” Rafael tells you. His voice is soft, and his eyes are ducking now, watching the sidewalk as the two of you start to stumble to your feet. He doesn’t say it with reverence. Is it… is it bitterness? “Well, solamente un mosquetero aqui, pero… I hope that’s enough.”

Self-deprecating. It makes your nose wrinkle. While college mellowed you out, it only seemed to harden Rafi. “More than,” you tell him. “But… I should be heading home. Don’t want my mom to think I bailed on her.”

“I can take those,” he offers, gesturing to your notes, the book you have. Never mind you have a backpack; he offers and you end up taking it. You don’t really know why at first, but as the two of you walk towards your apartment it starts to come into focus.

He’s grown into his voice, his attitude. He’s not just older, he’s grown, and you find yourself studying him, if only because when he talks it’s hard not to look away. He’s handsome, with those green eyes and firm voice and quick turn of his lips. The lift of his chin, as he listens, gives you a smile. But the smile feels flinty. Even after offering to carry your books, your notes, you realize it’s more out of manners than kindness. But he takes them, and you’re walking side by side for long enough that you gather some courage.

“School out of state, then? If you had to come back, for family,” you ask, to keep the conversation going, knowing that as you reach your door it’s over.

“Harvard,” he tells you, and your eyes widen at the tone. He says it with force, as if he has to keep reminding himself as much as he reminds other people. “I’m planning to go to Harvard law, too, after I take my LSAT this summer.”

“Same,” you shrug. He almost trips over his own feet at that, and when he turns to you with a raised brow you just smirk. “I’m fucking with you, obviously. Hudson. For psychology. Right now. We’ll see.”

You don’t plan on feeling bad about it. It’s what you could get, and you’re proud of it. But there’s something about standing next to a Harvard student that makes you get defensive, ducking your head. He has a little smirk, too, and you find yourself glaring.

“It’s what I could get, and that’s fine, you know. I just want to help people –“

“I know, I know,” he laughs, shaking his head, and there’s nothing mean in it. “Just… fucking with you.” It’s the hesitation that gets you, the little hiccup of years of repression, and you just snort.

“That’s right. Catholic boy. I remember,” The jab comes out without warning, and he just blushes a little. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell if you don’t.”

His head is shaking again, and when he smirks it’s at you. “Trust me, I think my mother will know even if your lips are sealed.”

“Not worried about God?” you laugh, and he mimes glancing around the whole street.

“Trust me, my mother puts the fear of God into me without any help from the Almighty.”

And then you’re in. The conversation starts flowing more freely. He talks about his family. Talks about coming home, to see his mother, his grandmother. There’s something warm when he talks about the homemade holiday meals, the Christmas mass the group of them will attend. It’s just small talk, but you also know enough not to ask about Eddie and Alejandro, to keep walking with him, keep the topics light. He asks about your family, and you tell him it’s just you and Mom, and perhaps a Christmas dance party around the plastic tree.

“Christmas dance party?” It’s skeptical, but your shrug at him, smiling at the memories of years past.

“Family tradition. I dance, my mom laughs. In the end, we end up usually knocking off some ornaments, maybe upturning a tray of cookies.”

“The whole thing?” Skepticism turns to incredulity, and you snort.

“I have a list of casualties. Three trays of cookies, one pan of brownies, a very nice-looking angel. This isn’t even counting the stuff at New Year’s…“

Rafael’s head is shaking, but you’re just dissolving into giggles as the list expands. All at once, you’re telling him about the time you tripped over an armchair right into a perfectly fine plate of muffins on Christmas morning, and he’s either too polite or too horrified to stop you. But in the end, he laughs. At you, probably, but he’s smiling again, and there’s no putting himself down anymore. Just listening to you take your clumsiness in stride.

Tt’s nice. At least you think so. There are bits of laughter that echo down the street, yours and his, and as your door approaches you find yourself dreading it a little. You missed your friends, and this was… close to something.

“Well,” you say, when the two of you arrive. The door is firmly closed, to keep the cold out, and you reach for the buzzer, turning back to look at Rafael with a smile. He hands over your notes, and you ignore the twinge in your elbow to grip everything firmly. “Thanks. For the company. Not thinking about finals was worth the tumble.”

“I was… also glad for the distraction. It’s been a while since I’ve been home and...” He doesn’t elaborate any further, but his face looks a little pinched, and you nod. Family… friends. It’s complicated.

After a moment, though, he’s looking at you as the two of you hear the door click unlocked. “You’ll get through it, though. Finals. I know it,” he assures. “And then it’s just seven more after that. Trust me, I have three left. It gets better.” He’s watching you, as you rub your arm, and though his brow pinches again, he manages a little smile. “It was good to see you again. Glad I didn’t end up doing permanent damage.”

“Well, I don’t know, future lawyer,” you tease. “Maybe once you get all rich and famous I’ll send something about damages your way. Remind you that I knew you when.”

He huffs out a little scoff, shaking his head. “Future psychologist, right? Don’t you want to practice what you’re going to preach? Forgiveness? Acceptance?”

“Where’s the fun in that? I’d rather humble you, Harvard boy.” When he scoffs again, it’s with a hand raised to you, turning back towards where you know his mother must live, the same direction he walked those years before.

As you move toward the door, pulling it open, you pause, looking back over your shoulder. He’s walking away, hands in his coat’s pockets, elbows shaking a little with the cold.

“Take care of yourself, Rafael,” you call out. “Happy holidays, too!”

Another wave, and he’s gone, and you find yourself thinking about those eyes a little later, distracting you from those significant figures you were so desperate to save.

-

Fuck grad school. Really.

You don’t know what possessed you, when you decided to go. Probably the same thing that possessed you to push to graduate a year early, and the same thing that encouraged you to decide on a doctorate at Fordham instead of a M.S. and moving on.

Masochism. Obviously.

But you’re stuck with it, and every three days you regret it. A new assignment, a long-ass reading, a book you want to throw out of your apartment’s window – it’s too much, and you don’t do enough, and pretty soon you’re drowning. On top of that working, so you and your mom can keep your apartment, buy her medication, and keep the world turning, things that start to feel impossible.

Does everyone feel like this? you want to scream in the world. Does every student after undergrad hate themselves?

You know the answer is yes, but you wish you could hear it from someone besides yourself. Because your mom, bless her, refuses to let you quit, still taking time to dance with you when you need it.

You just don’t want to fail. You can’t fail. So you keep pushing, and find yourself cooped up in libraries, in coffee shops, wherever-the-fuck will take you, doing what you can as long as you can, as much as you can.

There are places you end up frequenting, in the search for a place to get work done, and end up, like most grad students, in a coffee shop. The dim lighting sometimes hurts once you hit your page limit, but the coffee is cheap and strong, and they let you linger in a corner booth with your books all spread out on the table. It’s worth the carpal tunnel, the edges of the tabletop digging into your wrist, because you get shit done.

So it comes as a surprise that your safe haven, your perfect locale, is occupied by Rafael Barba.

At first you don’t even recognize him. When you first notice him, after all, he’s already sitting down, and you can’t see his face. He just looks like another student, after all, bent forward and buried in a book that is even bigger than yours. But when he stands to go get another coffee, and you catch sight of him, it’s immediate.

Of course, he doesn’t see you. Just goes back, sits down with a giant mug, and keeps chugging along.

You keep your smile to yourself, look down at the pages you’ve lost your place in and do your best to get back on track, but now you’re distracted, and Rafael is still just there. It would’ve been less shocking, maybe, if you had perhaps known he’d be in town? But now you’re just thinking about the last time you saw him, the way he laughed, smiled at you before he left…

Oh, fuck it. You just think he’s handsome.

But… it’s been a few years. There’s no way he remembers you, confirmed by the way you stand, to go get another coffee, and he doesn’t even glance up.

So you resolve yourself to doing nothing, acting on nothing. Besides, you have actual work to do, and the third cup of coffee should probably be your last before you’re bouncing off of the walls. But when you turn around, to head back to your seat, you definitely make an impression on Rafael Barba, and the impression is the massive stain on the front of his shirt.

“Oh, my god,” you cry out, and he can’t say anything, the two of you just staring at the mess. “I’m – I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you – oh, god, your shirt.”

“It’s… okay,” he sighs, and he seems to be in just as much shock. You move to grab some napkins from a table. His voice is dry, when he speaks again. “Isn’t a holiday back in the Bronx without some kind of disaster.”

You wince at the wording, but keep blotting, and then your handful of dirty napkins is useless. You pull back, and you think you’ve actually made it worse, but Rafael is just smirking at you.

“I think… it’s beyond help. But thank you for trying.”

The napkins hang limp from your hands. You feel like an idiot, but Rafael just keeps that smirk as you go to throw them away and turn back. When you do, he’s still standing there.

“I didn’t burn you, did I?” you ask him. “That was a fresh cup, I –“

“Really, it’s fine. A shirt. I’ll survive.”

He looks even better up close. Eyes bright, playful, smart. He seems to look you over with an appraising eye, and you don’t know if you measure up but you hope you do. There’s no hint of remembering, but there’s something, and you glance over at your table.

“Well. I owe you,” you say. “For the shirt, at the very least. How much is your dry cleaning? I have some cash.” 

He scoffs, and you’re thrown back to high school, that same scoff telling you that you can’t possibly stumble home alone. “No, that’s not going to happen. You’re not paying for my dry cleaning.”

“Then something,” you say.

He takes a moment. Looks over you. Eyes narrow as he turns to your table, the papers fluttering in the heater’s breeze.

“Coffee? We both look like we can use a break.” And then he smiles, and you’re swooning.

He ends up sitting at your table, brings his book over to stack on top of one of yours. The two of you get to chatting, just small talk, and about halfway through your coffees it seems to click with him.

“Do I – have we met before?”

You just chuckle, shaking your head. “Believe it or not, yes. This is not the first time I’ve stumbled in front of you.”

His eyes widen. “I couldn’t place you, I thought I was –“

“Crazy? No. It’s just been… years. And each time, somehow, I manage to take a spill.”

“Clumsy, then?” he asks, teasing, and you snort.

“I wish I could say you just catch me at bad times, but. Yeah. I’m a certifiable mess.”

He laughs, and you chuckle, and the two of you keep talking the hour away. By the time you’re done with your coffee you’ve ordered a pastry, too, and for some reason you keep doubting the fact that he’s been looking at you with bright eyes the whole time.

But when the meal is done, you end up packing up your books, getting ready to leave. You say it’s because you should be getting home, but really it’s because you think if you stay there in the booth any longer, you’ll do something crazy, like ask him out. But instead of letting you go, he offers to walk with you, and the two of you leave the shop together.

“So, you stuck around, huh?” he asks, and you can’t help but notice the tone of his voice. “You enjoy the Bronx that much?”

“I figured Hudson U was enough distance between me and my mom. Fordham had the program I wanted, plus, I could stay back and take care of her.”

He huffs a little laugh. Something about it rankles you, but you put it behind you, and the two of you keep walking.

After that, you start to notice other things. Like that fact that he doesn’t stop bringing up Harvard. At first, you deal with it, because yes, it is a big deal. A kid from the Bronx, ending up at Harvard Law? But he won’t, and can’t, shut up about it, and it makes you antsy.

Other ways, too. Talking about Boston like it’s the be-all, end-all. Mentioning how if he came back to work, he’d settle in Manhattan, not back home.

“I want to become a judge, at some point, and Manhattan’s the best way to get there,” he explains, and you nod, but it keeps… bugging you.

“I’m sure,” you concede. “But I don’t know. I like it here. The people, the town.”

When he scoffs, it’s almost cruel, and your heart aches at the way he dismisses it, all with a hand wave. “Yeah, but, Hudson isn’t doing anyone any favors. You should try to head out, spread your wings. Manhattan’s always in need of psychologists.”

Maybe it’s supposed to be nice, some advice. Yet, advice you didn’t ask for, and to you, all it says is that all he can remember about you is the unfortunate undergrad you went to. It infuriates you, makes you halt walking, your bag with all of your books jostling against your back.

“Oh, my god. You truly think you’re doing me a favor just by talking to me, don’t you?” you say, and he just rolls his eyes at you. 

“Of course not, that’s not what I meant.” But it’s the final straw, and no longer does Rafael Barba look handsome. He just looks like an ass.

Part of it is that you’re tired, stressed, overwhelmed. Talking instead of studying. But all you can focus on is his tone, his act. “You think you’re so much better than me. What, because you… you ‘got out of here?’ Out of shitty apartments and neighborhoods, and you can already see the big bucks?” you sigh, and Rafael’s brow only raises at you, looking down his nose at you like that’s how they’re trained at Harvard Law. Maybe they are – an image comes to mind of students preparing to pass the bar by practicing evil smirks and sharp looks.

“Look, I had to fight to get to where I am now, and I’m always fighting to stay there, you understand? I come home to visit, and I’m just saying that you could be wherever you wanted to be,” he tries, but you’re past rational thought. “Come on, don’t you want to get out?” 

“Barba, this is where I want to be,” you tell him, but when he raises his brow, you put your hands up in surrender. In the end, you’re too exhausted to be truly angry at him. You simply shake your head and begin the long trek back to your apartment, the glory of the coffee shop well behind you.

“Where are you going?” he asks, and you just shrug one shoulder as you walk away, turning to look at him over your shoulder. There’s a stinging in your eyes, but you tell yourself it’s just the bite of the wind.

“I’m not going to let you bully me, Rafael. I got enough of that in high school. If you want me to pay for your dry cleaning, or your shoes, I’ll do it, but I won’t let the payment of some spilled coffee be me spending time as your punching bag.”

“Bullying you? So, I’m bullying you now?” It’s incredulous, his question. 

You turn on your heel to face him.

“Harvard isn’t an excuse,” you snap. “Just because you got to go off and do great things doesn’t mean the people who stay here are somehow lesser. Like we’re not accomplishing anything. And right now, you’re really acting like it.”

A beat.

“And it’s Fordham, now, asshole. At least get it right.”  

You don’t wait around to hear his response. You’re walking off, and the only thing you hear is the wind whipping around you.

The ride back is lonely and the scent of coffee has gone rancid. It just feels like another slap in the face, a reminder that no matter how hard you work there will always be something, someone. You’re discouraged, more than a little. When you make it back to the apartment you share with your mother, you’re on the wrong side of miserable, and your reading that you’re already behind on gets more than a little neglected as you choose to watch something on TV, a warm cup of cocoa instead of the coffee you craved.

But it’s halfway through your own pity party that the way Rafael Barba looked at you makes your mouth curl into a sneer, and about two-thirds through the second movie that you realize you’ve wasted the day. Horrifying. All over a man who did nothing but look down at you, for being home, still.

A fire you needed, and looked for, when you started grad school. Besides helping people, why else did you want a doctorate? What was going to push you to getting that damn Ph.D. and across the finish line?

In the end, it’s the feeling of squirming under Rafael Barba’s gaze. Harvard Law or not, the fucker shouldn’t have looked at you like that. Shouldn’t have talked to you like that. And by the time you’re stomping over to your books and opening it with a vengeance, you’ve made a deal with yourself that no one will ever talk to you like that ever again.

Fuck Rafael Barba. He could have his juris whatever, settle in Boston or Manhattan. You were getting a practice, to help the people in your borough, and one of these days he’d have to look at you and refer to you as doctor who got her degree from Fordham whether he wanted to or not.

-

You should’ve gone with the slacks. The slacks don’t have a hem that needs to be tugged down every twenty seconds, that’s for sure, and the feeling of your skirt’s hem is all you can focus on. The way it slides up as you hustle to the elevator, the way it rides as you sit on the subway. By the time you get to where you’re going, you’re going crazy, your hair frizzing with the energy.

Not to mention, it’s fucking cold while you wait, your knee bouncing as you sit in an endless hallway, waiting for them to call your name.  

But you look better in the skirt. You feel better in the skirt, you rock the skirt, and for an oral defense you want to feel your best, so. It’s the skirt. The skirt, and those heels with a splash of color, and when you leave and get a good distance from the clear glass door you get to pump your fist and dance in the skirt.

You did it.

You’re going to be a doctor. You’re going to be a psychologist. Someone’s going to meet you, for the first time, and call you by your title, and come to you for help.

And you’ll be able to help them. On your own. Terrifying, but it gives you a rush, the strength of which makes your head spin, makes your eyes cross just a little. Your fingers move to text your boss, your mother.

“I did it.”

You whisper it to yourself the whole way back. All that’s left is the rest of your internship, and then you’re home free. You’re done. You’re a doctor.

“The worst part is over,” Dr. Olivet reminds you when you make it back to her offices, “but there’s still work to be done.”

“I know, I know,” you tell her, lifting your hands. “I still have to finish my work here, and there’s, you know, getting a job…”

“But you did it.” Her voice is warm, and you’re not afraid to give another little dance, and she obliges you with a hug.

It’s sweet. It’s more than sweet, and your eyes are brimming with tears. God, you have to call your mom. A text isn’t enough, you have to tell her everything –

A hand reaches out to stop you with a gentle touch on your arm. You hadn’t even realized you were talking out loud, but thankfully you’re done in an instant. “You can call her on the drive. We have a full day, then the Brooklyn DA’s office.”

The thought makes you wince. “Two birds with one stone, hopefully?” you ask her, but she just shakes her head, the excitement from the morning bleeding into preemptive exhaustion in the blink of an eye.

Long day is right, when it comes to the law. There’s never been a time when cops have been your biggest fans, but it seems the tensions are always high with them. Nowadays, at least with Olivet, the two of you prefer to go straight to the D.A., when he calls, simply because at least as an expert witness, there’s some respect.

Some. But it’s there.

But not always.

So, the two of you make the journey to Brooklyn, a forty-minute commute from Manhattan, and by the time you show up at the Kings County D.A.’s office, you’re already exhausted. The D.A.s that Olivet consult with are nice enough, you suppose, for lawyers, but only because they have to be. It’s part of the position, and if they want to be re-elected, they don’t want a reputation of being hard to work with. But the A.D.A.s tend to sprint first, ask too many questions later, and every moment is a battle.

But when you get there, head up to the office that Olivet was told to go, there’s a pair of striking green eyes that lift from their spot on a stack of files to meet yours, widening when yours do. They’re matched with a pale lavender tie, and a grey ensemble that compliments him nicely. You suppose it’s made for that, considering how it’s tailored.

The room isn’t posh. The opposite, in fact, a couple of chairs in front of a desk, a table to the side with various books to add onto the bookcase full of them. But there’s flair, and clutter in equal spades. It feels worked in, maybe even lived in, judging by the only other piece of furniture being a couch behind you.

It’s been a long time since high school and wintry streets in the Bronx, that’s for sure, for you and for Rafael Barba.

He stands when the two of you step into the room, and moves around the desk. You watch and wonder what he remembers from the last time you stumbled into each other, but his body language doesn’t betray a whole lot besides his exhaustion. You wonder if he can see the same in you, or if the tapping of your finger against your side is informing him just what you think of him. The great lawyer from Boston, here instead of the Bronx. Never going back home, just like he wanted.

His jacket is off, and you can see the vest and slacks of a three-piece suit as he moves to greet you, sleeves rolled up, a couple of blinks as he takes the two of you in.

“Mr. Barba,” Olivet says politely, reaching out her hand. “You’re the A.D.A. we’re working with, then?”

“Doctor.” His voice is formal, and when he shakes it, there’s a quick one-two before he releases, turning to you without hesitation. “Yes, I don’t think we’ve had the opportunity to meet officially. Rafael Barba, thanks for coming.”

“Mr. Barba,” you greet him, when he turns to you, and when the two of you shake there’s a twitch. “It’s a... pleasure.”

How’re you doing, Harvard boy? Still looking down your nose? is what you want to say, what you remember from him, but you manage a little self-control. You think he reads your mind, and it makes him nod.

“The pleasure’s mine,” he returns. So, he does recognize you, because the familiarity has to the be the unexpected warmth you hear. Or maybe amusement, because your last attempt at friendliness was resolved with little more than chills in the air. “Intern for what exactly?”

There’s a spark in his eyes, and you find yourself lifting your chin. No stumbling at this meeting, just two kids from the Bronx, all grown up. God forbid he thinks for a moment that you ran away and gave up. “For my doctoral courses at Fordham. In about four months, I’ll be a clinical psychologist like Dr. Olivet. She’s who I’ve been training under.”

You dare him to say something. To make a dig. 

“Fascinating.” It’s what he settles on. He seems actually impressed,, when he looks at you, and you try to ignore the way his smile makes your heart pound. It’s just because he’s a handsome man in a three-piece suit and smiling, not because he’s Rafael Barba. After all, Rafael Barba was pretty sure you’d never get out of the Bronx, and downright rude because of it. “Shall we get started, then? I want to know everything I can about this guy.”

“Of course,” Olivet returns, and the three of you get situated to get to work.

It’s long. It’s exhausting. By the end of the day, your head is pounding, and Olivet and Barba have exchanged enough words to fill a novel, trying to argue the benefits and the harm of taking this particular offender to trial. He wants to get an answer to his boss by the end of the day, and your boss is not one to make it easy for ease’s sake. You had taken the role of notator, going through the files offered and marking anything for Elizabeth, and the back and forth had made you dizzy. After all, after everything, Rafael Barba was a great lawyer, a fantastic prosecutor, according to a Google search during a break. Leave it to him to make your eyes blur.

“The precedent is set for it,” Barba repeats, for the third time. He’s gone from sitting, to pacing, to sitting again, his eyes closed as he runs a hand through his hair. “And the defense is going to argue that his illness is an excuse for his behavior.”

“I know what the precedent says,” Olivet returns, for the third time. “But I also know that while diagnoses are never an excuse for a behavior, they can explain one. It’s what the defense will argue. His impulse control without his medication – which he has a right to refuse – is significantly lowered –“

“But not completely. Mr. Nelson understands what he did was wrong, he basically confessed –“

Your eyes roll, and you find yourself speaking before you can think. “In an interrogation room in which his counsel, which he did not waive, was not present. Just because he has a diagnosis in the DSM-V does not make him any less deserving of a proper interrogation.”

The two of them turn to look at you, Olivet with a smile, Barba with a scowl. His face pinches as his eyes scan you, and you just stare back.

He may be where he belongs, in a three-piece suit, but you’re where you need to be, too. And he needs to make sure he understands that, because the last thing you’re gonna let him do is underestimate you again.  

“No one is saying that,” Barba starts, but you just raise a brow at him.

“If I’m looking at these transcripts correctly, something tells me the cops themselves said that. Look, Mr. Barba, Dr. Olivet and I might not be this man’s direct health care providers, but we still have a duty to advocate for him.” You glance over at your boss, and her hand is covering her mouth, but you see the edges of a smile in her tired eyes. “If I were a doctor, and an expert for the other side, I would make sure my team knew the violations that occurred in that room.”

The room is silent. When Barba looks at the doctor, she just drops her hand, the smile replaced with a somewhat-serious look that threatened an I-told-you-so. “I’d be saying the same thing. She’s right.”

A new energy flashes between the two of you, and when Barba contemplates his options, his lips a little pursed, it’s with you staring him down. It’s a sparring match, your gazes, and it’s a firm draw. That alone seems to perturb Rafael enough for him to relent, just a little. “I’ll worry about the… legality of the confession,” he sighs out. His pages flick to a different section, and he glances over it. “We’re all tired here, so I’ll wrap, but I need to know if he’s competent for the stand without his medication. That’ll be the last thing we cover today.”

“If he’s not a danger to himself or others, then getting him to take it will be difficult legally,” Olivet reminded him. “But. I’ll do an evaluation. See what we can determine while he’s off.”  

Another time, another date is set, for the evaluation. You and Dr. Olivet start getting ready to go, and the polite farewells are given and gone.

But before you leave, and the handshakes are made, Rafael looks you over, from head to toe. It’s quick, but you catch it, and it’s before he turns to Dr. Olivet and nods.  

“I’ll be seeing both of you, then? Day after tomorrow?”

If it makes your cheeks flush, you don’t mention it, especially not when he glances back at you again, gives you another handshake with a firm squeeze.

“Both of us,” you affirm, inform, and then you’re gone, Rafael Barba’s office behind you, something else entirely in front.

“You know, he never asked you your name, when we went in,” Olivet notes, on the ride back. It’s mild, nothing really there, but the two of you have worked together long enough that you know there’s a million unasked questions down that rabbit hole.

Your eyes don’t leave the windshield. “Oh, yeah. Uh, we lived on the same street. He – him and his friends, really – they almost broke my ankle, my sophomore year of high school.”

A hum from her makes you break from your trance, and you see the edges of her lips curl up. “No, no,” you clarify. “It wasn’t like that, it was never like that. I’ve only seen him, what, three times over the years? He’s just someone I see every so often. New York is the smallest city in the world, I guess.”

“Will this be a problem?” she asks next. You find your cheeks flaring again, turning from the windshield to your own window.

“Nothing there for it to be. Last time didn’t end so well, but… we’re past that. We’re adults.”

Right?

When she laughs, it’s a gentle prod in the direction you were already going, nothing more than fuel to the fire that you barely understood was being lit.

“Well, I know for sure he didn’t shake my hand twice, and I’m the one who’s going to be on the stand for him if this goes to trial. Maybe last time didn’t end as poorly as you thought.”

You refuse to think about it, though. For a little while. After all, it’s work that has to be done, and you’re not across the finish line, yet, so you show up prompt and on time two days later to assist Dr. Olivet with her evaluation and the conclusions that are inevitably drawn. You don’t end up coming until the end of the workday, and when you’re finished it’s well into evening.

“He’s unaware that what he said in the interrogation room amounted to a confession,” she tells Barba, afterwards. After watching the whole thing, the way that you and Olivet had slowly gained trust and revealed the truth, the clench of his jaw is mighty. “There’s no way he gave it willingly.”

“You’re certain?” When he turns to look, it’s at both of you, equally, his eyes flicking back and forth before looking back into the room where you had left him. His voice sounds exhausted, and for a moment you feel pity for him.

You open your mouth to speak, but he cuts you off with a hand wave. “Don’t bother. I know the answer.” His frustration is apparent, and you find yourself sharing a glance with Dr. Olivet before nodding. “So, we have nothing.”

“Nothing except someone who needs to return home to his family,” you tell him, and his shoulders slump. It’s not meant to be a jab, but when he looks at you again there’s something in his eyes that tells you he takes it as such.

“Right. Of course. I’ll talk to the captain.” He sounds so worn, and you almost feel sorry for him.Your smile is sympathetic, but he’s not really looking at you. There’s something that tells you to walk away, another part that insists you stay, figure this man out.

“Mr. Barba?” Dr. Olivet murmurs. “I’ll get a full write-up of what I saw here to you tomorrow, but we really should be going now.”

And that makes him straighten, his manners coming back to him as he gestures towards the door. “Right, yes, of course. Thank you so much for your help, Dr. Olivet. Miss Y/L/N.”

“Not a problem,” you say, and the two of you part. No fanfare. No nothing. Just. Done.

You don’t realize how distracted you are until you’re standing by Dr. Olivet’s car, ready to take the two of you back to her office, where you can return to the Bronx.

“Are you all right?” she asks you, and you realize you’ve been fingering the handle for a minute, as she rummages for her keys.

“Yeah, just. Thinking.”

After another minute, Olivet curses. “I must’ve left them inside. Do you mind if we head back in?” When there’s no protest, the two of you walk quickly to get out of the cold, and you find yourself hoping against hope that Rafael Barba is still in there, that there’s something more you can say.

Your head is down, your eyes are closed to protect from the wind. So you don’t see the door, nor notice when it swings out. Neither does the other person behind it, and you feel the edge of it nail you in the forehead.

You’re stunned, stumbling backwards. Your fingers come up to press on where the door hit you, and the person behind the door is muttering curses. A couple of hands come to steady you, and luckily there’s no blood on your hand when you pull it away.

“Are you all right?” a voice asks you, and you have to blink to let the face focus.

“Just when I thought there’d be no stumbling around this time,” you groan, and Barba’s small smile to you is brimming with concern.

“Completely my fault,” he sighs. “Are you okay?” You’re still blinking, but the dots connect, and you realize that Rafael Barba is the one who smacked your head.

Goddammit. And you just starting to like the guy again.

“I got a door to the face, I’ve been better. Fuck, I’ve gotta be careful what I wish for,” you groan.

“Let’s get you to a chair,” Olivet whispers, and the stars you’ll still seeing start to fade as you stumble to a seat in the entryway of the precinct. “Mr. Barba, do you mind staying here with her? I think I left my keys upstairs, and I need them to take her home.”

“Doc, you don’t have to do that,” you tell her, but the lights in the place are killing your eyes. Quickest concussion you’ve ever gotten, you assume, and Barba indeed tells her that he’s got you. Heels click away, toward the elevator, and even the ding makes you wince.

There’s silence, for a few moments. Quiet, as you hold your head in your hand. After a few moments, you’ve realized Barba’s left and returned, holding out a cold water bottle to you.

“Another thing I owe you for?” you ask him, and you must be imagining his wince as you hold it up to your forehead.

“I think by this point we’ve come full circle,” Rafael tells you. “I’m truly sorry, I just didn’t see you when I pushed the door open.”

A brow raised in disbelief, and you tilt your head up so he can see your scorn. “Aren’t the doors clear?”

“My phone,” he offers, and you scoff.

There’s silence again. His shoes are tapping against the tiled floor, and you switch hands as condensation drips down your arm. It sends a chill through you.

“Do you… need my coat?” he asks, and you can’t help but raise a brow at him again.

“I have my own coat,” you tell him, bluntly, and it almost looks like… wait.

Is he blushing?

“I know, just… do you – do you need another one?”

So. This is the great Harvard graduate Rafael Barba, stumbling over his words, offering you a coat. If anything told you he remembered what happened way back when, and felt bad about it, it was that. You’re chuckling a little now, the anger passing into disbelief.

“How bad does your head hurt?” he asks, horrified, but you just keep laughing, dropping the water bottle and leaning back in your seat.

It’s a full-on cackle right now. “You’re telling me this isn’t hilarious?” you ask him. Gesturing between the two of you, the bottle in your hand, the offer of the extra coat. “Every time we meet, something goes horribly wrong, doesn’t it? We can’t just have a coffee, I have to spill it on you. We can’t just catch up, I have to vow vengeance.”

He raises a brow at that, but you wave him off. “I don’t know. I guess I’m telling you that maybe this is what we’re meant to be, Barba. Bad luck for each other.”

Rafael murmurs something, in Spanish. Repeats it, even, but you can’t catch it.

“What?” you finally ask, and he looks at the water bottle next to you and shakes his head.

“I’m saying that’s not true. You’re not bad luck. You… helped me.”

It’s your turn to raise your brow, and you have a feeling if you knew him a little more, it’d be a perpetual expression. But he keeps plowing forward. “You know, when you walked away, last time? I watched you the whole way down the block. I couldn’t stop thinking about how you… said I was using Harvard as an excuse.”

He leans back. Tilts his chin up, and you find yourself watching the line of him. He seems to sink into the seat like it’s the first time he’s sat for a week.

“Excuse to do what, I didn’t know. So I tried to ignore it, and then… it just kept… sitting in the back of my head, the sight of you, looking at me –“ He cuts himself off, and you watch him sit up again, rest his elbows on his knees.

“What?” You prod him, move your knee to hit his, and he sighs, both hands over his face.

“You were right. Harvard was my excuse. It was a way out, but I forgot home on the way. Forgot my mother, in everything, my grandmother. Took steps away from them, and ended up losing sight of myself.”

All of that because of what you said? Something twists inside of you, and you shake your head, lifting the bottle back up to where a good bruise is forming. “You don’t have to feel guilty for working, Rafael,” you murmur to him. “For having a dream. I saw you, and I – I saw a guy who got it all, and I took my frustrations out on you. I’m sorry, for making you think that going out and accomplishing what you have means you’re not – not, y’know. You. I barely know you, for fuck’s sake.”

The curse makes his lips twitch, but he doesn’t look away. “But you never lost sight of home. You were always right there, where you needed to be,” he urges, and you shake your head.

“And that’s me. I love home. I love being home. But maybe you needed to get out. I don’t know your life,” you laugh. “I would love to, but I don’t and… and maybe you needed to step away from… family, from friends, to find yourself. Look at you, you’re an A.D.A. in Kings County. I know you’ve got headlines already. That’s just who you seem to be. You’re the Harvard boy. Don’t feel guilty about that on my account, it’s a big accomplishment.”

A pause.

“But the Bronx isn’t so bad, if you ever wanted to journey back every so often. Not a bad thing to remind yourself where you came from.”

“I don’t think I can forget,” Rafael admits. “Es en mi sangre, just like being a lawyer is.”

Then he smirks. “Plus, those pants still have a stain right on the hem. I keep meaning to throw them out.”

You snort, loud, and then shift to face him. It’s uncomfortable, the little bench the two of you are on, but the position is worth it. “Seems like you’re investing in good-fitting suits. Might be time.”

Olivet is taking forever, it feels like, but you don’t mind. This has been good, a resolution to things, and you don’t really want it to end. Even if it means that you can get home and nurse your head.

“You know, you’re the one who got me through my first year of my Ph.D.,” you blurt out. “After our last meeting I vowed you’d call me doctor. That’s what I meant… by vow vengeance.”

“So you…”

“Yeah. I guess that means you’re good luck, huh?”

He’s agape. “You pushed through grad school out of spite for me?”

“Yup.” The ‘p’ pops in your mouth, and his eyes flicker down to your mouth before he can stop himself.

And then, there’s a beat. And then he’s laughing. His laugh, when it’s light, and free, is contagious, for sure.  Shaking his head, running a hand through gelled hair. When he pulls it away, the mess makes it look softer, and you get the sudden urge to run fingers through it.

Damn concussions.

You have enough sense not to mention the craving. You just smile, and drop the water bottle in favor of shoving a hand towards him for a good shake.

He looks at your hand. It’s offered to him in a symbol of peace, but he looks so skeptical still, as if you’ll call him out on not calling home every now and again.

“Since I’m not your bad luck, then. Friends?”

There’s no hesitation. He’s grabbing your hand, firm and warm, and the one-two shake seals the deal.

“Friends,” he concedes, and the two of you sit on that damn bench, the silence more than a little comfortable.

His coat does end up around your shoulders, eventually. It’s nice, another layer of warmth with the windows to your back. It seems silly, but it feels like a shield, a layer of protection.

Olivet comes down eventually. She doesn’t comment on the second coat, but you see her head tilt a little as you stand, hand it back to him.

“You know where to find me, if you’re ever in town,” you tell him, and he nods.

“I’ll see you around, Miss Y/L/N.”

Your grin stretches across your face. It hurts your head, a little, but it’s worth it. “You’ll call me doctor, one day. Next time one of us almost kills the other.”

His smile back is warm. “I have no doubt.”

When you and Olivet leave, she’s just humming a little. You don’t say anything, but when the two of you get in her car, she pulls her keys from the depths of her purse, starts the engine. You realized that you didn’t see them in her hand when she left the elevator, and the dots connect even with the way your brain has been rattled.

The sight makes your eyes widen. “Were they –“

She laughs now. “Oh, you know things like that. Not a problem, we’ll just take you home now.”

“Now?” Your voice is cracking a little with the indignation.

“Now. If we hurry, I’m sure your dinner will still be warm.”

-

Rafael watches as Liv’s voice gently soothes the woman, her eyes flicking back and forth between the Lietenant and Carisi. There’s hesitation in her statement, the kind that makes the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.

When the two of them leave the interrogation room, he’s clear, or as clear as he can be. “She just confessed to murder, and right now that’s all the D.A. is going to see.”

Carisi’s response isn’t exactly friendly, but Barba looks up at the detective steadily, trying not to let his eyes roll. “You’re telling me you don’t believe her?”

“I’m saying that we’ve already had two victims recant their statements, for one reason or another. Their unwillingness to testify against Mr. Jones gives us very little in terms of evidence,” he sighs out. There’s a weariness as he looks at the woman, moving to lean against the glass and watch as she lays on the couch to rest. He wants to do the same, sometimes. Let his exhaustion take over. “I want to know what she knows about the situation, what she thinks. Otherwise, it’s a cut and dry case, and she gets locked away.”

“But she came to us, Barba,” Liv offers, looking at him with those pleading eyes of hers. They know how to sink right into his soul, and he ducks his gaze for a moment to collect himself. He has no time for being tired, and there’s something infectious about her conviction. But he needs more than a detective’s gut instinct and a lieutenant’s insistence. “We can’t just let her sink. She doesn’t belong in Rikers, she needs help.”

There’s a long silence, and Rafael finds himself sipping from a cup of coffee that has long gone cold. It’s Carisi that speaks up, those classes at Fordham law behind him. “What about a psychiatric evaluation? If an expert can sign off on her testimony, perhaps back up the fact that she was indeed abused, then as a battered woman…”

“Fordham law strikes again,” Barba quips, and then winces at his next sip. Such a shame the precinct couldn’t afford better coffee. Or more skilled coffee makers. “I can see who the D.A.’s office has lined up for those kinds of calls.” He looks between the two cops. “I don’t usually do the defense’s job for them, but this…”

“Is different.” Liv fills in the blanks, and he offers a small smile to her as he moves to the door. “I think we’re rubbing off on you, Barba.”

“God help us all,” he throws back, and her and Carisi’s chuckles are what leave him as he pulls out his phone.

The calls are straightforward. First to Carmen, who finds the list of names and numbers, and then to those names from his desk, seeing who is available as soon as possible for a psychiatric workup. There are options that she trims down, out of the goodness of her heart, leaving him with about ten that he can choose from.

But when he gets the list of names, there’s one name that stands out. One that reminds him of smiles shared across a cup of coffee and a pastry, one that makes him think of Catholic school uniforms and twisted ankles. One that makes nostalgia swirl in his gut. Or is that longing? Either way, it makes his lips purse.

Maybe it’s because in those moments, there were bright spots. Light in days and years that seemed to blur with a lot of struggle.

Or maybe it’s because he’s being dramatic. Either way.

He picks up his phone, prepared just for a consult. Nothing to yearn for, certainly. But he pretends not to notice when he looks up your office and gets a thrill when it’s in Manhattan, or swallow tightly when a photo appears on your website, and your eyes seem to gaze into his.

You’ve made a name for yourself. Any competent A.D.A. would feel comfortable with you in their corner. His fingers fly across his keyboard, looking into cases, finding what you’ve done. Your doctorate from Fordham is only the beginning, and he’s surprised he hasn’t seen you at charity events with all of the credits next to your name. Three years into practice, and he sees you headlining research into veteran populations, starting funds for LGBTQ+ counseling, lighting a fire in your community.

Any A.D.A. would choose you. Never mind the other names.

Yours ends up being the first number he dials. It rings twice, three times. Nothing yet, and his pen is spinning in his fingers. Four times, five times, and for a moment he thinks he’ll just have to try the number at the top of the list –

“Dr. Y/L/N’s office,” a voice answers. “How can I help you?”

It’s not you. It’s a secretary, or a receptionist, but her voice is kind enough. “Yes, is Dr. Y/L/N in? I’m calling about a consultation for the Manhattan District Attorney’s office.”

The little hum that the receptionist gives is… uncertain. “Unfortunately, she’s in with a patient. Can I take a message?”

He’s done his due diligence. He’s tugged on the heartstring, and now he should move on. Try the next name. But something makes him set down his pen, bite his lower lip. A whim, really, that makes him speak.

“Just tell her Rafael Barba called. And if she’s interested, to return this call. I’ll give you the number.”

When he recites the list of ten digits, however, it’s his cell phone. And there’s something in him that hopes you’ll call back with yours. For old times’ sake.

“All right. Thank you so much, I’ll be sure she gets it.” The receptionist hangs up, and Rafael feels like he’s run a marathon the way his heart is pounding.

Each call he gets the rest of the day is enough to get him tensing. Ready to lift and see an unfamiliar number, with your voice in his ear. What he gets instead is silence, and a couple of calls from Liv, during which he does his damnedest to keep the tension out of his voice. By the end of the day, he’s resigned to the fact that it’s simply a missed connection, two ships passing in the night. Another moment of dramatics, but he feels this one.

And then his cell rings once more. He doesn’t look at the screen, just answers and closes his eyes, ready to hear Liv’s voice again, or God forbid, Carisi.

“This is Barba,” he answers. That tension bleeding in once again, and the response he gets makes him a little breathless.

“Kings County not enough for you, Harvard boy?” you ask. It’s teasing, light, and it feels a little like he’s outside in the cold winter wind chill the way his nose surely must be red. “Now I know to send the damages lawsuit to Manhattan.”

His laugh comes out of him suddenly, and it matches yours. “I’ll give you the address. How are you, Doctor?”

You hum a little, and it buzzes against his ear. “Oh, it feels good to hear you say that, that’s for sure. But, honestly, I’m doing pretty well. I’m… doing what I love. Helping people.”

“Too good for the Bronx? Manhattan your mainstay?”

“Oh, please,” you huff. “My office is firmly in the old neighborhood. And on top of it, if I don’t come by every week, my mother has a conniption.”

“Glad to hear.”

And it’s just that simple for you. Rafael has always had his sights set on the future, but you’ve reached it. And you’re content, and still with one foot in the place the two of you grew up. It’s… right.

“What about you?” It’s a question he’s honestly unprepared to answer. He doesn’t linger on it too long, because he doesn’t want to sound like he’s lying, but the truth is perhaps too much to admit to an acquaintance.

No. A friend.

“Manhattan is a little like home now. A lot like it,” he admits. In that moment the SVU crew comes to mind, but he pushes them away. But I have a case here I’m ready to be done with. I’m trusting your receptionist gave you the gist?”

“What she could.” Your voice is no longer light, something firm in it that he recognizes. The tone of work. “The message wasn’t a lot besides your name and your title, but am I right in thinking I’m going to be evaluating someone?”

“It’s a woman who was a victim of sexual abuse. I need to know what your read is on her.”

You hum again, lower, contemplating. “Anything in particular I’m looking for?”

“I don’t want to influence you, or give any unnecessary details over the phone. Just know she’s in our custody, right now, and this case has been complicated.”

There’s a pause, and he does his best to emphasize what’s necessary, what’s true. “We’re trying to help her. Get her where she needs to be. I know it’s last minute –”

“I know the system, Rafael,” you murmur. You don’t hesitate to use his first name, and he tries not to think too much about how it sounds in your mouth. “Am I right in assuming that she’s potentially spending the night in the tombs?”

She’s not, but he doesn’t get the chance to respond, and he doesn’t have to. You’re telling him you’ll be there tomorrow, prompt, early, and he lets out a sigh of relief. Doesn’t mention that waiting for your call could’ve cost a valuable day’s worth of time.

“Thank you,” he breathes, “I owe you.”

“For doing my job?” you chuckle. “This isn’t a personal favor, we should make that clear.”

“For taking my call. Getting back to me so quickly.” For humbling me when I needed it. For being a reminder every few years that home isn’t a bad thing.

“Anything for a friend,” you return, and he ducks his head to hide his smile from the room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. And I do insist I owe you. For the nearly broken ankle, at least.”

There’s a pause. He can hear your breath catch, and he hopes, hell, he prays that there’s a smile on your face as you think of him.

“Then, let’s not wait three years to meet again,” you tell him. There’s a click, surely a pen in your fingers, perhaps spinning like his. “I’ll take drinks, once the case is done.”

“How about dinner?” Rafael returns, and he stands to his feet, his window gazing out on the street below. He’s glad he’s not limited by the cord of his desk’s line. The cabs breezing by too quick on roads with black ice, the gusts blowing the flags outside One Hogan Place. “More equivalent, I would say, if we consider twelve years’ interest.”

“I’m also counting the spilled coffee, of course,” you add, and Rafael scoffs.

“Didn’t you spill that on me?”

He walks into it, he supposes, but he doesn’t mind. “Well, then, I’ll return the favor. Two-dinner commitment, and all before we hit fifteen years of acquaintanceship.”

“Friendship,” he amends, and your little laugh is what lingers with him, what he thinks about as he prepares for tomorrow.

“Right. Friendship. Good night, Rafael.”

“Good night.”

The two of you say friendship, as you rise the next morning. Say friendship as you meet, and Rafael introduces you to the precinct. Say friendship, as the case ends, and those dinners begin, with laughter and warmth even in a snowy Manhattan evening.

But at the end of those dinners, twelve years in the making, the friendship is only the beginning.

After all, you look stunning, in your dress and heels, a deep red coat that compliments your lip color. Your hair is pinned up, but some of it has come loose, during the night, and those strands frame your face perfectly.

“Maybe Manhattan isn’t too bad,” you laugh, as the two of you step into the night air, “if it means you get to eat like that all the time.”

“There are definitely some low points, but the high points make it all worth it,” he tells you. He can’t stop looking at you, even as you pause at the curb, side by side and turning to each other. “Back home, then?”

“You’re not the only A.D.A. I work with.” You nudge him with your elbow, hands in your pockets to block out the cold. “Other boroughs, other work. Not to mention that Monday’s coming up quick. Patients.”

There’s a stab of jealously in him. Thinking about you spending time with the other boroughs, with other A.D.A.s at his office. But for some reason, he can’t help but hope that the smile on your face is just for him.

He takes a moment to pull out his phone, stare at the date on the screen. “Well, tomorrow’s not Monday,” he tells you. “Do you… think you could spare a few more hours? Another day, maybe?”

Your brow raises at him, and he finds himself loving the arch of it, especially paired with your smirk. “What are you thinking, Barba?”

“A couple of drinks, maybe.” He nods down the road, trying to play it cool even though his heart is pounding in his chest.  

You’ve gotten the gist. The idea. He knows it, and you know it, but you’re daring him to act with the way you bite your lower lip. “And after that?”

It’s a dare he takes. Jumps at the chance to act on, one of his hand lifting to cup your cheek, the other reaching for your waist. He kisses you, there, on the curb, winter in full swing around you, and there’s nothing else can think about but the way you feel against him.

When it’s over, it feels unfinished. Mainly because a part of him doesn’t want it to.

“What do you say? Willing to stay in Manhattan a little longer?” he asks, a little breathless as he looks down at you. Your lipstick hasn’t miraculously hasn’t smudged, but he still lifts a hand to trace his thumb along the perfect lower line. “I know a place you can stay.”  

“I’m almost convinced,” you reply with a laugh, voice light. “But if you kiss me again, we can make that an absolutely certainty.”

[amltdaily]

For a second consecutive year, the season finale of A Million Little Things ended with the question, Who hit Eddie? The incident, which left Eddie fighting for his life, was the big Season 2 finale cliffhanger. Tonight, Eddie received a call from a woman claiming to be the driver who hit him. And that was not the biggest Season 3 finale cliffhanger.

Once again, AMLT left someone’s life hanging in the balance; this time, it was music teacher/sexual abuser Peter Benoit. He was attacked at his doorstep by Gary, who put a bag over his head and dragged him inside. In an interview with Deadline, series creator/executive producer D.J. Nash discussed both shockers as well as the slew of other developments in tonight’s packed finale. Before we get to that, here is a brief rundown on some of the Season 3 finale highlights.

Gary’s assault on Peter was a culmination of the Sophie storyline, in which she decided to go to the police and file a report so Peter could not harm other girls. Holding the diary of another student of Peter’s, Layla, who had killed herself, Sophie was interviewed by the police, but the detective did not think there was enough evidence to charge Peter, and indicated that a text exchange between Sophie and Peter after the alleged assault might have undermined her case. Gary, who felt responsible as Sophie’s guardian at the time, did not take this well and kicked a trash can in the hallway of the police station.

Already reeling emotionally, Gary was further jolted when Darcy shut down his suggestion that they may start a family by telling him she did not want more kids after he’d agreed to follow her to Lenox where she was moving so her son can be close to his father. Gary then got into a heated conversation with Delilah, who blamed him for not protecting Sophie. That was after Delilah’s older children found out that she was planning to move the entire family to France, something the teens strongly opposed.

The next time we see Gary he was at his father’s, creating an alibi, leaving his phone and saying goodbye before he headed to Peter’s house. Thus, he did not get Darcy’s voicemail, in which she told him she had changed her mind about kids, praising Gary, who has been the MVP of the group of friends this season, helping everyone, from raising Delilah’s older children while she was in France to taking in Eddie and chaperoning his visits with Theo.

As Gary went all vigilante on Peter, Sophie went after her abuser by telling her story — and revealing his name — on Maggie’s podcast.

In other developments, Eddie and Katherine, who spent most of the episode arguing over custody, came to a workable solution at the end, just before Eddie got the surprise call from the woman confessing to being behind the wheel of the red SUV.

Regina closed the restaurant but not before feeding a young father who had lost his wife to Covid. Rome and their foster son Tyrell continued work on their documentary about systemic racism. It led to Tyrell reconnecting with his mother’s former partner who now has the job Tyrell’s mother was vying for before she got deported. Convinced that the ex-partner had turned her in, Tyrell confronted the guy, with Rome intervening to deescalate the situation. It turned out that Tyrell’s mom took her partner’s car to drive to a FedEx office to mail her son’s summer program application when she was pulled over by cops.

Here is the interview with Nash, in which he also discusses the main theme and mystery next season and what is next for all characters (Rome’s documentary will be a smashing success), reveals that he had considered having a major character die of Covid, teases the return of AMLT favorites and his plans for ending the series.

DEADLINE: Let’s start with the second biggest question at the end of this finale. It’s a case of déjà vu because at the end of last year’s finale, we have exactly the same question, who hit Eddie? What can you say about bringing back the mystery?

NASH: We were talking about bringing it back a few episodes before. The reason we didn’t is because it obviously would make a great cliffhanger, but we wanted to, this season, examine Alex’s dad, the reverend, and all those stories. But just when we got you to forget about who did this, the question resurfaces again, and I think that’s true to Eddie’s journey. Just when he is accepting this is my life, and this is what I’m going to do, and I actually am going to find strength in who I am now, it’s upended by that call coming in, and what we will watch next season is everything about Eddie tested by this call, his sobriety, his ability to be the person he wants to be right now.

You sometimes have a settled moment and you’re able to move on, and then something else happens that challenges it, and I think we see that in the finale with Sophie. She is more at peace with what has happened to her than at any point since it happened. She is going to Maggie. She is going from victim to survivor and retelling her story, but as that’s happening, obviously, Gary’s doing something over at Peter’s that’s going to challenge and threaten all that.

DEADLINE: We’ll go through all of those one by one but let’s finish with Eddie’s call. What can you say about the identity of the woman? Have we seen, heard her? I assume we haven’t because some fans would recognized the voice.

NASH: That’s right, yes, and we definitely treated that voice in post. So, yes, it does not appear to be someone we’ve seen. I don’t think that it’s Alex’s sister. It does not appear to be Eddie’s sister, Lindsay, and some of the fan-favorites of who could’ve hit Eddie seem to be off the table. It’s another person, and it sounds also like she has remorse. So, either it was an accident, or it’s something that she did that she regrets doing. It definitely feels as though she feels horrible that this has happened.

DEADLINE: So, you cannot say whether this was an accident or intentional? Why is she contacting Eddie now?

NASH: Yeah, I think I want the fans to experience it the way that the episode leaves it, which, it definitely, definitely feels like this is a person who has great regret for what happened and is probably reaching out, out of guilt. I think guilt is a huge theme that we’ve started to uncover this season. Obviously, it’s leading a couple people to make some not-so-great decisions in our finale, and it’s something that we’ll see our friend group struggle with. There’s healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt, and I think it’s important to draw the distinction between them.

DEADLINE: A tangential question. Why didn’t the police investigate and get to the bottom of that hit? They have access to street cameras. It seems like this this should’ve been resolved by now.

NASH: They did. If you remember, there was an episode where the detective calls and says that they saw a camera that was on a gas station nearby, and it wasn’t a pickup truck, it was an SUV. So, there is an investigation. I think a lot of these investigations… I know, in our own life, there was an accident that happened in our family this year, and I called to say, hey, can we see the street camera to see if we can identify exactly what happened, and we weren’t able to get that.

DEADLINE: I remember that, that’s how we ruled out Reverend Stewart as a suspect. So, can we rule out a connection to Alex backstory now? Can we assume that this is part of a brand-new mystery that is not related to Alex’s death anymore?

NASH: I don’t know that we can rule out, but I’m happy to rule that out for you, right now, yes. This has nothing to do with Alex and the boathouse, and that story and that chapter is behind us.

DEADLINE: One last question about Eddie. I know we discussed this before and said that because of the strength of David Giuntoli’s performance, you wanted to explore more of Eddie in the wheelchair, but is there a possibility that he might begin to recover and start walking next season?

NASH: Yeah. I really am so impressed at the way in which David Giuntoli is approaching this storyline, and his work this season as someone who is in a wheelchair, he’s playing him with just authenticity and true grit from the moment we wanted to tell this story. There’s two writers in the room who have parents who are physically challenged, and as you know, I’m one of them, seeing my dad go to law school blind; he went to law school when I was a kid, and he was 45. I think he wasn’t a dad that you might think someone would be, but he was probably always better, and I think we were really excited to see that strength and to see Theo experience his dad’s true grit.

DEADLINE: You didn’t answer the question. Is there any chance for him to walk next season?

NASH: I think there is as much a chance of him getting out of the chair as there really is for someone who’s in a chair to get out of the chair, which is, it’s really highly unlikely, and in telling that story, I think while that might be an interesting story turn for TV but I want to be really respectful of the community that we’re representing, and I think the likelihood that someone walks again and puts the chapter of a wheelchair behind them after the accident Eddie’s been through is really unlikely, and our show is all about authenticity. So, I can’t say with 100 percent certainly we would never have him have movement and feelings and maybe walk a few steps, but for right now, for this next season, he’s in that wheelchair.

DEADLINE: Okay. Now, to the bigger cliffhanger involving Gary. What exactly is planning to do with Peter and why is he doing it? Clearly, Gary is not going for a quick death.

NASH: Well, I think the why goes back almost to Gary’s childhood. His mom left, he felt this loss of family, and he has, so many times in his life, tried to re-create that. I think it’s one of the reasons went to 41 hockey games a year with a guy he met in an elevator, because he’s just that desperate to have a family, which is probably why he proposed to Maggie earlier than he would have. It’s why he is moving so quickly with Darcy, prepared to move to Lenox and wants to have a family with her. You look at Gary, and he’s like the greatest friend you could ever have, and I think the reason he is so giving is because he’s treating his friends like family because he doesn’t have that family that he once had. When he was taking care of Sophie, he feels like if he hadn’t circled back to talk to Peter, if he hadn’t convinced Peter to give Sophie another chance, she would’ve been out of his world, and because Gary circled back, he gave Peter a lot of the tools to groom her, and I think he carries tremendous guilt of it.

It’s one of the examples of unhealthy guilt that we’re going to follow into next season, and that, combined with Delilah saying she’s moving to France, Darcy, at least leaving him earlier in the episode as though she doesn’t want to have kids with him, he had nothing to lose. I think the anger he’s feeling, the guilt that is overtaking him, and then the nothing to lose attitude is the perfect storm for whatever it is he’s doing over at Peter’s.

In answer to your question of what is he doing at Peter’s, whatever he’s doing is premeditated. He went over to his dad’s and came up with an alibi, and he puts a bag over Peter’s head. It is Gary. It is Peter. That is a bag. He pulls him inside and closes the door. So, that is a mystery, and certainly the question that we’re following next season is what happened over there.

DEADLINE: Will the question be answered in the Season 4 premiere? Will you pick up where you left off in the finale, or will that be something that will be revealed slowly?

NASH: What we’re watching in the first half of next season is how did Gary go from kicking a trash can at a police station to putting a bag over someone’s head. We’ll uncover all of that, and it happens quickly. It’s not at a frustratingly slow pace. We will get to it, and we will learn exactly, is Peter alive or dead? We’ll learn that right in 4-01 and what the fallout is of all of that. It happens right away.

DEADLINE: Moving onto Sophie. For her, doing the podcast feels liberating, but would there be any consequences for her naming her abuser? Peter, he obviously has bigger problems right now with Gary, but will there be anything more to this plotline for Sophie or has she gotten closure by sharing her story?

NASH:  It’s a great question. I’m trying to be sensitive with every topic we do, but especially with this one, because it’s loosely based on something that happened to one of the writers in our room, it’s loosely based on something that’s happened to our community and to our world. I think since the #MeToo movement has been here, we’re seeing that there’s different stages that a survivor goes through, but moving from victim to survivor, one, is just acknowledging to someone that something happened.

The other would be acknowledging publicly that something happened, and then this huge step of saying and this is the person who did it. We’ve seen with some high-profile people the ramifications of saying that. It appears that Maggie was not aware that Sophie was going to single out Peter by name in the podcast, and she does, and what does that mean? What is the positive, and what are the potential negative consequences for Sophie of saying that? And all of that sort of power, strength, liberation that Sophie is having in reclaiming her story and reclaiming the power of her life, moving from victim to survivor, that is all potentially undermined by what Gary does over at Peter’s.

DEADLINE: What about Regina, Rome and Tyrell? By the way, another tangent. I have high school kids who are applying to a lot of summer programs, and all applications are done online, not via FedEx. Aside from that, will Tyrell be able to reunite with his birth mother or could he get adopted by Regina and Rome?

NASH: That’s really funny, Nellie, because when I was watching Star Wars with my wife, and she was like, you know, guns don’t make noise in outer space, and I was like, other than that, this is a perfect story, but that’s hilarious. So, I’m sorry, I was all fixated on that. I didn’t hear your question.

DEADLINE: It’s about whether the boy will be able to reunite with his mother. And you mentioned guilt, that clearly will affect Tyrell and the dynamic in his new family.

Nash: Yeah, 100 percent guilt is a big part of our series. He is feeling the guilt, and he now has confirmation that he caused his mother’s deportation. We worked very closely with Define American and with FedEx in bringing this story. I don’t think Regina and Roma will adopt Tyrell because he does have a mother, and she is alive and well. They wouldn’t want to offend her. He has a mom whom he can’t be near because of something he did, and how he processes that guilt, how they help the son that they’re fostering work through that. We saw him immediately want to run out and confront Kyle, and Rome trying to contain that, only to then have to chase after him. So, we’re dealing with someone who might let their feelings and emotions get the best of them, and so, how does Rome be there for his foster son and prevent him from making a mistake the way Rome’s other friend, Gary, did.

DEADLINE: Tyrell reuniting with mom this coming season, possible?

NASH: It’s certainly possible. I want the fans to see how the story plays out, but we did cast that mom, and she’s a fantastic actress, and we’re certainly hoping to see her again.

DEADLINE: Regina, she had a difficult, emotional arc this season, and now she lost the restaurant. Will she be able to revive her dream or owning a restaurant or is that part of her career over?

NASH: We really wanted to make sure, this season, that we tell the story of losing at least one person to Covid because, obviously, so many people were lost. There was a time in this writer’s room where we talked about potentially losing a recurring character or maybe even a series regular to Covid, and I think we felt like, honestly, we love these characters, we don’t want to lose them. That was really a big factor, and also, I think that we wanted to be authentic to the loss that people faced but at the same time not bring too much sadness and pain to that. The story was really deliberate. We wanted, as Regina is losing her dream and her restaurant, to put it in perspective, and earlier in the episode, Rome says ‘How are you doing?’, and she says ‘Compared to what?’

What we gave her for a story throughout the episode was a comparison, to have her realize that she’s doing better than she thought she was doing. Yeah, she lost her restaurant. Yeah, she lost her dream, and I think it’s really easy for us all, right now — I could say I haven’t been able to get to the stage this year, I haven’t been able to go out with friends, but compared to other people, we’re really fortunate. So, we wanted to have Regina have that moment where things are put into perspective At the same time, we also wanted to look at where we were at the end of last season compared to where we are this season. At the end of last season, Eve changes her mind, and Regina is denied the family she wants, whereas at the end of this season, despite losing her restaurant, she’s able to get through that because she is surrounded by her family, and Tyrell comes in and delivers this beautiful speech, and I think that is really the message of our series,. When you surround yourself with the right people, you can get through anything.

DEADLINE: Onto Delilah. Will there be an AMLT spinoff, Delilah in Paris, like Emily in Paris, or is her move doomed, or is she going but only with Charlie?

NASH: That’s what we’re watching. It really appears as though what this woman needs is a fresh start. It really feels like she was suffocating and didn’t even realize how much her level of pain was until she got to France and had a chance to step back and appreciate that. I think in Episode 3, as she’s leaving, buys a suitcase and was talking about how she hasn’t taken a trip without Jon. I think we were setting the table for her discovery in France, and we really wanted to tell that story.

Delilah has done many things in the series that make the fans question her, how good a mom she is, how good a person she is, and we wanted to make sure that we were telling her side of the story. So, that fight that she has with Gary really is that opportunity for us to hear that she went to France, it was supposed to be just for three weeks, and she was going to give her dad, who had memory loss, the last trip of his life, and then he fell, and yes, she was not there for some huge moments for her children, but that’s not out of choice. It’s because the pandemic happened, and so, we just wanted to humanize and continue that theme that I love, which is just when you think you know someone, you don’t.

DEADLINE: You didn’t say anything about her move to France? Is that happening, for her with/without her older children?

NASH: We really want the fans to see how that happens, but what I love about our series is just when people think, oh, it must be a card flip, maybe it’s not.

DEADLINE: Eddie and Katherine, they looked like they were starting to find a way to co-parent. How will their relationship evolve next season with that jolt Eddie got with the call? You hinted that he may relapse as a result.

NASH: I’m happy to say, because I think the finale, the story really depicts this beautifully, that they are not able to be there for each other the way the other person needs them to be, but they are determined to be there for Theo, and they are determined to not let the fact that they are divorced keep them from being the parents they want to be. So, we’re going to watch them have to navigate these very new waters for them, mostly separately, sometimes together, just trying to be everything to Theo that he deserves.

DEADLINE: Looking ahead to Season 4, you mention guilt as a theme, you mentioned the new mystery of the female caller. What else do you have in store? Do you have any other major themes and mysteries that you’re planning?

NASH: Well, certainly, we have what happened behind that door. We’re also following whether or not this family moves to France and if some of them do and some of them don’t and what’s the fallout of how that affects this family. We have the mystery of how did what happened to Peter affect what happens with Gary and Darcy, moving forward. We left the season with Maggie also aware that Gary wasn’t where he was supposed to be, and so, we’ll see how her awareness might affect the story.

We’re also seeing Maggie, who’s found her voice in this podcast, gain some notoriety, and that story is a story we’re tracking next season that has some very funny and fun actors, who are fans of our show, joining our series that we’re excited about, and then, finally, for Rome, his documentary is picking up, and we’ll see him have incredible success. We’re telling that story, and for Regina, her figuring out what the next chapter of her life is going to be and her relying on her friends, who have had to face similar questions, for support and love as she finds that next chapter. That will involve a return of some people who have been in our series before that we have been excited to come back.

DEADLINE: Covid limited your guest actor choices this season. Can you tease any favorites that are coming back? Jason Ritter? You also mentioned new guest stars. Would they be playing themselves as guests on Maggie’s podcasts or will they play characters?

NASH: Well, certainly, Covid has restricted us, and that’s we’re excited about some of the mystery of what happened and where we left things at the end of this season. That’ll get us through, hopefully, the quarantine part of Vancouver, which hopefully will lift before Thanksgiving, at which point, we will be bringing even more guest stars in. We have found, in the last couple seasons, that there are some more high-profile actors who are fans of our show, and I’ve had a conversation with a few of them about coming in and doing parts, and it’s incredible. In fact, there are people who I’m a fan of, and I’m like, you watch our show? That’s awesome.

So, we will see a couple of those people. I can’t say yet who they are, because those deals aren’t closed. In terms of the other part of who, who’s been in our show, who’s coming back, yes, there’s quite a few people who we want to have back. Again, it’s just a question of when we get to that point of the season, are they on other series that allow them to come hang out with us, but we put a pin in some pretty big stories going into season three because of Covid, and those are stories that could wait to be told, and hopefully, now, we can unpin them and bring them back, because we’re doing 20 episodes this year. It’s the biggest season we’ve ever had, and we want each episode to be special.

DEADLINE: Delilah had a love interest at the end of Season 2, played by Parker Young. He disappeared.

NASH: She did, Miles. Parker is on a series (United States of Al), so, that might be difficult to bring back. And maybe…she’s in France. Maybe she meets a guy or a woman in France.

DEADLINE: What about Ron Livingston? We heard him in the finale but will we be able to see him next season?

NASH: I would love to see him in this season. He and I talked about him possibly being in that finale, and for the amount of screen time I would’ve had him and for the amount that I would’ve had to have him quarantine. He’s got kids, and it didn’t feel like I could justify asking him to do that. He was awesome and willing, and I said to him, let’s wait for a future episode. So, I’d love to see him back. With where I want to go with our series, I know, for sure, he’s in it again.

DEADLINE: You have a very serialized show, and you’re going into now Season 4. Are you already mapping out a final arc? Do you know when/how the show is ending?

NASH: I knew what the last season of the show was when I pitched the pilot. So, that’s already mapped out. Every year, when we get together with the new writers, it’s the second or third day, the first thing I do is tell them is how the series ends. So, they’re all aware of that. They know what we’re building towards. What season that will happen in is a conversation that as soon as we get up and running, this season, I want to have with our partners at the studio and the network, just to find what we think is the best length of time to tell this story.

DEADLINE: So, you have the ending ready but you won’t know until the summer whether you should proceed with the idea or shelve it for next season?

NASH: I basically have about the six-episode last segment of our show, and that can fit at the end of any season. With us getting a 20-episode order, it doesn’t feel like that ABC wants this to be our last season. I think there are three things that are balanced, how our fans are and whether we still continue to get the numbers and the Live+ numbers that we get. I think the second factor is just the actors and their desire to keep telling these stories, but the biggest thing is me and the writers and us feeling like do we still have fresh situations that we want to put our characters in. At my heart, in my roots, I am a stand-up comic, and rule number one is leave the audience wanting more.

DEADLINE: How do you feel, do you have more stories? Can you do multiple more seasons?

NASH: There’s no question we have enough to do 20 incredible episodes this season.

[tr4shmouth-tozi3r]

How Insufferable

A/N: I’ve had major writer’s block the passed couple months and I really am trying to dive right back in and I got this request and I really love this concept. So, I’m going to try my hardest to write something for it, I think I can and maybe it’ll help me get out of my funk! Enjoy guys😊

pairing: bill denbrough x reader

—

Richie’s eyes drooped with boredom and he had to push his glasses up his nose to stop them from falling off as he peered over the lenses and sighed heavily, “God, please forgive me and end this torture. I don’t know what I did so wrong to be cursed with a bickering bunch of idiots. I repent, I swear to fuckin-”

“Shut the fuck up!” You and Bill’s heads whipped in Richie’s direction as the words fell simultaneously from both of your lips and his eyes perked up in astonishment.

“Are they fucking serious?” He pushed his glasses up his nose again as he sat forward and turned to look at Bev who was trying her best not to bust out into laughter. She raised an eyebrow and shrugged at Richie, no words spoken, “All they ever do is argue and talk talk talk, I swear my head is gonna fuckin’ explode if they don’t shut the fuck up!” He tugged at a loose curl to bring it out of his eyesight and huffed in annoyance.

Richie wasn’t wrong, though. You and Bill Denbrough were the last two people anyone would want to be stuck alone in a room with. For some reason, you and Bill could never manage to get along growing up. Your friends loved you both to death, but not when you two were together. The term ‘opposites attract’ could never be anymore false when it came to you two. You and Bill were so very different from each other to the point that either of you would find anything and everything as a valid point to argue.

You could point out that the sky was blue and somehow Bill would manage to disagree and list off as many reasons as he could to prove his point was true. It made no sense, but you would do the same thing to him and after awhile all of your friends decided that you and Bill together were completely and utterly insufferable.

Today, you found yourself sat in Bill’s living room with the rest of your friends, trying to decide on the first movie to watch of the night. It was Friday and that meant your weekly movie night with your friends. This week, you had to suffer through a night at Bill’s. No one ever went to Eddie’s or Bev’s for movie night, but the rest of your houses were always rotated between every week. Of course, Bill made a movie suggestion and you disagreed. Cue the arguing.

“We’ve been here for an hour and a half and haven’t even picked a movie yet...” Eddie sighed as he watched the two of you bicker.

“Okay, that’s it, I’ve had it. I’m going to grab a movie and put it on and I doubt they’ll stop arguing long enough to notice, so it doesn’t even matter.” Ben spoke curtly as he stood up.

“Yeah, well I doubt we’ll even be able to hear it over all the arguing.” Stan ran his hands through his curls in frustration.

“Who cares, we’ll turn the volume all the way up and they’ll take the hint... hopefully...” Mike piped in and his comment didn’t help to lighten the mood very much.

Ben walked over to the shelf of movies in Bill’s living room, trying to squeeze by the two of you as the arguing began to get more intense. He grabbed a random movie, not bothering to actually look over his choices.

As the movie started, Richie reached for the remote and turned the volume all the way up and suddenly, you and Bill’s bickering ceased. The two of you looked over at the TV and back at your friends who all eyed you in frustration for a brief moment.

“What is this? We didn’t even all agree on this movie!”

“Oh, for the love of God, do you realize how long we’ve been here, Bill?” Stan raised an eyebrow at Bill who stayed quiet and didn’t answer his question, “Exactly. We’ve been here for an hour and half and for majority of that time the two of you have been arguing over the fact that you can’t agree on a movie, so we just picked one and put it on. We’ve wasted enough time listening to you two.”

You and Bill looked at each other, completely flustered and silence settled over everyone as you both sat down in defeat.

“Fucking finally...” Richie grumbled as he stuffed some popcorn into his mouth and slouched into his spot on the couch.

“Shut the fuck up!” Once again you and Bill simultaneously snapped at Richie who scoffed and threw his hands up in the air as he looked around the room at everyone, who in return all shrugged their shoulders and snickered at him.

“I hate it here...” He spat under his breath.

—

“No fucking way.” Your breath hitched and you felt your face heat up with complete and utter anger as you watched a proud and pompous Bill wave the paper in his hands in front of your face.

“Oh, yes fucking way, babe.” He smirked down at you and Bev pursed her lips to try and hide the smile that was threatening to creep its way onto her face. It seemed like out of everyone in your friend group, she actually enjoyed the back and forth bullshit between you and Bill.

It was your last summer as high school students and everyone had gotten their acceptance letters to the college of their choice, Bill being the last. As much as you clashed and found that you were very different people, you both had managed to dream of getting into the same college and what do you know, you both had gotten in.

You and Bill would be going to the same college and you swore you could have exploded from the anger that was coursing through your veins. Everyone else had decided on different colleges and when it had come to everyone’s attention that you and Bill chose the same college it became a huge joke amongst the group. There was constant teasing from everyone and for some reason you seemed to be the only one bothered by it. Bill even found it quite amusing.

“Do not call me fucking babe.” You spat your words harshly at him and crossed your arms as you sank down in your seat on Ben’s couch. It was another Friday night full of movie fun time, but you were most definitely not having fun at this point. Bill was late and came barging through the door halfway through the movie, bragging about his acceptance and you wanted to rip your hair out. You thought this would be the end of it and you would find your peace away from Bill and only ever have to see him when you came home for the holidays, but boy were you wrong...

“Alright, you two need to cut this shit out. Now that you’re going to be stuck with each other at college maybe it’s time you try and put your differences aside and I don’t know, start getting along.” Richie raised an eyebrow suggestively at the two of you and you scoffed at him, but Bill was completely silent. Almost as if he was thinking about Richie’s words intently.

“Yeah fucking right.” You grumbled and Bill coughed awkwardly.

“I mean, maybe he’s right. You’re gonna be stuck with me at college, do you really wanna be so angry all the time? Maybe... maybe we could try and be... friends...?” Bill looked almost pained at his own suggestion as his eyes hesitantly locked with yours.

“Am I dreaming? Is Bill really offering a truce right now? Somebody pinch me.” Stan teased and Beverly cackled.

“Yes, he’s really offering a truce, Stan. It’s really happening, don’t worry.” She smirked as she looked over at the two of you and you scrunched your nose up in annoyance at her. It stayed silent for a few moments after that as everyone eyed you expectantly, waiting for some sort of response.

Your face fell and your demeanor softened as you uncrossed your arms and sighed heavily. You looked up at Bill and spoke as though it took everything in you, “Fine..”

“Wait, what was that? I uh, I couldn’t quite hear you.” Bill’s smile was sickeningly sweet as he cupped his ear and leaned toward you in a teasing manner.

“I said fine!” You raised your voice and Eddie flinched at how loud you were, causing Richie to snicker and everyone else looked just as amused.

“Good.”

“Good.”

—

The rest of the summer you and Bill had managed to get along somewhat, trying to get into a routine that you were both comfortable with. You carried it with you into your start at college together, but had plenty of moments where you swore you would break. You could never understand what it was about Bill that tested your nerves so much, but he did.

Richie always joked that there was this undeniable sexual tension between the two of you, but you always brushed his comments off considering who he was. I mean, it was Richie Tozier for crying outloud, he managed to make everything about sex.

If you were being honest, the idea of fucking Bill didn’t seem that unappealing, but the idea of bashing his head off of a wall didn’t either. It was quite the dilemma for you and you had no idea how Bill felt about Richie’s comments or if he thought you were attractive, too. A part of you wondered how he might feel inside of you or if he would sound hot talking dirty to you.

You hadn’t had sex in a very long time and anytime you found yourself sexualizing Bill, you told yourself it was the fact that you had gone so long without getting anything that made your thoughts run wild and let you think of Bill in such a way. You couldn’t possibly be thinking straight...

“Hey!” You snapped out of your thoughts and slammed your textbook shut on your bed at the sound of Bill’s voice ringing through your ears. You jumped up and grabbed the blanket from your bed, trying to cover yourself. Considering you were in your own dorm room, you had been lounging in your panties and an oversized t-shirt.

“Do you ever knock!?” Bill smirked at you and the way your cheeks turned bright pink as you clutched the blanket tightly around your body.

“Sorry, babe, you left the door unlocked and I had some good news. I knocked, but you must have been too busy with whatever you were doing to hear me, so I just came in.” His eyes trailed over you and you mentally cursed yourself for getting lost in your thoughts when you did.

“Bill, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me babe?”

“Sorry, sorry. Just so used to getting under your skin and that one always worked.” He shrugged in amusement and you rolled your eyes at him, “Anyway, there’s a big frat party tonight and I figured you’ve been super stressed lately. Maybe this would be a good chance for you to unwind and have some fun. You’re always so worked up. You should come, I’ll give you a ride and we can hangout. We’ve gotta get along remember?” He smiled at you and you thought about the idea for a moment before nodding.

“Fine, sounds like fun. I could use a drink... or thirty...” He laughed at your response.

“Alright, I’ll pick you up here at 8. Be ready.”

—

8:02pm

“You’re late.” Bill teased you as you slipped into the passenger seat of his car.

“Shut it, Denbrough.” You laughed as you rolled your eyes at him. It seemed like you had been doing that a bit too much lately.

“Yeah, yeah.” He glanced at you from the corner of his eye as he started the car and pulled off, “You look nice.”

“I look nice? Damn, I was sorta going more for a hot look, but nice works, too.” You joked.

“Well, I wanted to keep it sweet. Usually, if I said anything along the lines of hot I’d be a gross pig and we’d start arguing right about now.” He made a valid point and you blinked at him for a moment before looking out the passenger window. You wanted to look anywhere but at his face right about now.

The rest of the ride was almost completely silent except for the low volume of the music coming from his car radio and it was almost painful how awkward the silence was. You were certain the car ride was a lot longer than you anticipated when you pulled up to the frat house, but maybe that was your mind torturing you.

Before you could let yourself out, Bill was on your side of the car and opening the door for you. You stepped out onto the pavement and ignored how clammy your palms had gotten within mere seconds after experiencing how nice Bill could be to you. Sure, you two had been getting along a lot better since going to college, but there was something different about tonight. You didn’t linger on the thought for long and your feet carried you to the front door with Bill right behind you. His hand rested on the small of your back as you both squeezed through the crowd of college kids outside on the front lawn and your cheeks began to heat up. Get it together, y/n...

Once inside, after about twenty minutes you and Bill had parted ways and somehow you found yourself against a wall while some drunk frat guy hovered over you, his hand resting against the wall above your head as he talked and bragged about his position on the football team. Or was it lacrosse? You weren’t too sure, because your mind was more focused on the nasty cheese breath wafting in your face and you wanted to get rid of him badly. You caught site of Bill across the room and he was talking with some girl who was wearing practically nothing, but he was facing you and he locked eyes with you for a moment. He could read the expression on your face very clearly and excused himself from his conversation.

“Babe, is everything alright over here?”

“Oh hey, yeah everything is great. Just listening to Jimmy over here tell me about his football team winning the other night.” The frat guy looked at you confused.

“It’s... Johnny.. and I was talking about my lacrosse team.” Bill stifled a laugh and patted Johnny on the back.

“Well, Jimmy- I mean, Johnny...” Now it was your turn to stifle a laugh, “I’m terribly sorry, but I’ve got to steal the lovely y/n from you now. I think we were just heading out, weren’t we?”

“Oh shoot, that’s right. I’m sorry, he’s my ride.” You pursed your lips and threw your hands up in a sense of defeat.

“Well, could I grab your number?” You heard him, but pretended as though the music was too loud and you looked at him quizzically.

“What was that?” You shouted over the music dramatically and he went to repeat himself as Bill dragged you away from him.

You both made it to the kitchen and you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding in. You opened your mouth and went to thank Bill, but he spoke before you could, “Nice one. I was this close with that chick, Penelope. She definitely saw me taking you away from that frat douchebag and probably thinks we’re screwing so there goes my shot.”

You blinked at him in disbelief, “Wow, and to think, I was about to thank you for saving me back there, but never fucking mind! God, you always manage to remind me why I can’t fucking stand you.”

“Oh shut up, not my fault only the douchebags like you and try to get in your pants. You know, who you attract says a lot about who you are as a person, did you know that?”

“Wow, fuck you, Bill. What if he was trying to rape me or something? You should wait before you open your mouth and complain about my distress, considering you were the one who wanted me to come here in the first place!”

“You’re so overdramatic! Obviously he wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

“No fucking shit, but you didn’t know that. You’d look like a real piece of shit for talking to me like that if he had been.”

“Well, he wasn’t.” He was being rather cold and you were so stressed that you weren’t sure how much you could take right now. You went to open your mouth when suddenly, people were barging into the kitchen and knocking into Bill, causing him to spill his cup of whatever he was drinking, all over your outfit. You were a bit tipsy and fuming with anger, so your first thought was that he had purposely spilled his cup on you and instead of trying to one up him and maybe throw your drink back at him and humiliate him, you felt tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

“Go fuck yourself, Bill.” Your words came out low and shaky as you slammed your solo cup on the counter, vodka splashing out of the cup.

“y/n, wait-” You knocked your shoulder against his as you stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs of the frat house you were in. You weren’t sure why you had chosen to go up the stairs rather than out the front door, but maybe Bill being your ride had something to do with it.

You opened the door of the first bedroom you saw and instantly slammed it shut behind you. You went to lock it when suddenly someone was opening the door and keeping it open with their foot when you pushed back.

“y/n, let me in!” Bill urged you to open the door.

“No, leave me the fuck alone and let me know when you’re done and ready to leave since you’re my fucking ride. I’ll be fine up here locked in this room!” You continued to push back against him, but it was no use. His foot didn’t budge and he was much stronger than you. Suddenly, the door was flying open and he was looking at you while trying to catch his breath. He looked at your white blouse, seeing the beer seeping into it and the mascara streaks running down your face.

He felt weird for it, but he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you looked soaked in beer and your makeup a mess.

“Are you just gonna stand there and stare at me? What the fuck do you want?” The hurt and embarrassment was evident in your voice and he sighed heavily as he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and sat down in silence.

“Listen, it was an accident. I didn’t throw my drink on you on purpose. A bunch of frat assholes came into the kitchen and bumped into me and my cup spilled on you. I would never go that far. As much as we butt heads and don’t get along, I would never intentionally hurt your feelings and embarrass you like that.”

“Oh, fuck you, you’re so full of shit. You coincidentally get shoved and accidentally spill your drink on me mid argument? Yeah, right.”

He huffed in frustration as he stood up, his nostrils flaring in anger, “Are you fucking serious? You really think I’m that much of a dick? What did I ever do to you for you to think so lowly of me? Seriously, I’d love to fucking know. If you hadn’t noticed, it seems like it’s a one sided effort on my part, for us to get along. You’re so wrapped up in the idea that I’m the asshole, that you’re acting like one!”

“Oh, so I’m the asshole!?”

“Yeah, yeah you are!”

“God, you’re so fucking insufferable! I can’t stand you, I hate yo-” Your eyes widened when your sentence was cut short by Bill’s lips on yours. There was no way this was happening right now, “What are you doing?” You questioned him as you pushed him away slightly, your eyes searching his.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m sick of this tension and the more I thought about Richie’s theories, the more they made sense. I mean, why else do we act this way toward each other? Every little thing about me sets you off, vice versa. Yet, when I walked into this room and looked at the way your shirt got all see through from that spill, I couldn’t stop thinking about taking it off of you. Don’t tell me you’ve never had a single inappropriate thought about me, because then you’d be lying.” His words were coming out in a low whisper and his face was inches from yours and your head was spinning and your throat was suddenly going dry.

“So what if I have?” You tried to sound confident with your words, but the way he was looking at you made it hard to.

“Then why did you push me away? It wouldn’t be so bad if we, y’know, got rid of some of this tension. Would it?” His breath mingled with yours and you swore you weren’t tipsy anymore, it was just your brain trying to wrap itself around exactly what was happening here.

“You know, it’s quite conceited of you to assume that I’m sexually attracted to you to the point of establishing a horrible relationship with you just to avoid the fact. Maybe you’re wrong.” You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

“God, you are one stubborn woman.” He shook his head as he grasped your wrists in his hands and pulled your arms away from your chest, “We should get this off of you, before you reek like cheap beer and get sticky, don’t you agree?” He let go of your wrists and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you gulped and nodded your head. What the fuck was happening?

He reached for the hem of your shirt and pulled it up and over your head, “Okay, this doesn’t mean anything is going to happen. Just help me clean up.” He nodded at you and pulled you against him and dipped his head down to lick and suck on your chest all in one swift movement. You bit your lip, trying not to moan. It had been far too long since someone had done anything like this to you and to say it felt good was an understatement.

“Like I said, didn’t want you to get all sticky. Figured we could save some paper towels and I’d just use my tongue.” He spoke softly against your ear and you shoved him away and toward the bed, the back of his knees hitting the end of the mattress and suddenly, he was falling backward onto the bed as you locked the door of the bedroom before turning back around to face him.

“Just shut the fuck up and let’s get this over with.” You spoke quickly as you climbed ontop of him and he smirked up at you as he wrapped one hand around your waist and used the other to steady himself as he scooted backwards and against the headboard. He reached up and behind you, unclasping your bra rather quickly and you raised your eyebrows at him, somewhat impressed. For some reason, even though you had thought about Bill many times in that way, you always let your bitterness toward him get the better of you and you assumed he was one of those guys who all the girls gawked over, but when given the chance he was a complete fumble and two pump chump in bed.

In that very moment of him unclasping your bra effortlessly and his head dipping down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, you realized how wrong you might be. This wasn’t going to be some horrible experience that you’d regret or something you had only let happen because of how horny you were. This was going to be one of the best experiences of your life and it was about to be with Bill Denbrough, the one person you thought you couldn’t stand more than anyone else.

You raked your fingers through his hair and your fingers dug into his shoulder as he continued to lick and suck at your nipples. You grinded your hips downward into his and he let out a low sexy groan. His erection was undeniable and damn, he was big. You didn’t even need to see it out of his pants, you could tell. Suddenly, he was flipping you over and hovering above you with a look in his eyes you’d never seen before. A look that made you squeeze your legs together in an attempt to give yourself some sort of friction. He used his knee to pry your legs apart and settle himself between them, his erection pressing against you through your underwear while the skirt you wore bunched up around your waist.

“I know you’ve thought about me plenty of times. Like today, when I walked into your door room I know the reason you didn’t hear me knock was because you were thinking about me, thinking about what it would be like to have me inside of you.” With each word spoken, he grinded against you harder and harder and you whimpered at the way he spoke. He really did sound hot when he talked dirty to you..

“Th-that’s not true...” You bit your lip as you tried to keep a straight face while looking up at him.

“Oh, stop lying already. You’ve wondered for a long time what I would be like in bed, huh princess?” He dipped his head down to your neck and dragged his tongue across the nape of your neck as he thrusted against you again. You moaned and found your hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheets below you, “It’s okay to admit it. I’ve wondered about how much of a little whore you could be for me if I got you in bed and here we are. Now, let’s see how much of a whore you are.”

You let out a few shaky breaths and the emotions running through you were strange. If you weren’t in such a vulnerable position and also weren’t so insanely horny and Bill ever talked to you like that, he would have gotten a slap to the face. That was certain, but at the moment you found yourself getting wetter and wetter with each dirty thing that fell from his lips.

He leaned back and began to unbuckle his belt. You reached forward and unbuttoned his jeans for him and helped him pull them off as quickly as possible as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. Shoes fell from your feet and his as you both kicked them off. He reached down and under your skirt, his fingers playing at the waistband of your panties. You whined slightly and bucked your hips and he laughed at how impatient you were. His fingers toyed with your panties for only a few seconds longer before he slid them gently down your legs. Goosebumps rose against your skin and suddenly he was throwing your panties behind him and over his shoulder and his head was between your legs.

He gently ran his index finger and middle finger over your slit, loving the feeling of how wet you were for him, “You’re so wet for me. You like to be called a whore don’t you?”

“No, I actually don’t, but there’s something about the way you say it.” You didn’t look down at him right away as you spoke, but when you did he looked ready to destroy you.

“So...” He slid one finger inside of you as his face hovered over your center, his hot breath hitting your core, “if anyone else called you a whore in bed you’d be mad, but I can call you my whore and that’s okay?” You moaned at the way he slid another finger into you by the end of his sentence and curled them as he peaked up at you, a sly smile on his face.

“Yes, yes, yes.” Your words fell from your lips breathlessly and he pumped his fingers faster and faster at the sight of you writhing back and forth in pleasure.

“Be a good little whore for daddy then and cum for me.” He pressed a kiss to your clit before flicking his tongue over the sensitive flesh and curling his fingers inside of you repeatedly. You felt the heat pooling in your stomach and you were certain you would explode any second.

He let his tongue relax and swirl lazy circles around your clit and then fast circles and back and forth between the two as he continued to pump and curl his fingers inside of you.

“I-I’m gonna cum, oh my god, I’m gonna cum.”

“That’s it princess, cum for me. You’re daddy’s little whore, right? I’m gonna make you cum so many times tonight you’re going to lose count. We’re just getting started.” He had pulled his head away from your center, replacing his tongue with his thumb so he could talk you through your orgasm and by the end of his sentence you were clenching around his fingers and moaning so loud you were sure someone would hear you over the music downstairs. He pulled his fingers out of you, your cum dripping down his fingers and he reached up to your mouth with them, “Clean it up, please, you’ve made quite a mess.”

You looked at him with big eyes and flushed cheeks as you grabbed his hand and licked every last drop of yourself off of his fingers. He looked at you in awe, before he climbed ontop of you once again and settled himself between your legs. He dipped down, pressing his lips hard against yours as you slid himself into you. You whined into the kiss and gasped as he continued to slowly slide himself into you as far as he could. He really was huge and you not having sex in over a year wasn’t helping the pain. He groaned as he reach down and gripped one of your thighs tightly in his hand as he slowly slid back out of you only about halfway and then back into you rather quickly this time.

His pace quickened and he leaned back and pulled away from your lips, letting go of your thigh. You wrapped your legs around his waist, locking your feet behind him and changing the angle of his thrusts causing him to moan as he grabbed a hold of your skirt bunched around your waist. His hand gripped the fabric tightly as he pounded in and out of you and his other hand grabbed one of your legs from around his waist and threw it over his shoulder.

You gasped and let out a loud moan as your knuckles turned white from how hard you had been grabbing onto the sheets beneath you, “Does that feel good? Is that the spot? Is daddy’s little whore gonna cum again?”

“Yes, daddy.” You whined and bit your lip as you looked up at him, ready to come undone all over again.

“Be a good little girl and cum for me.” He groaned as he went harder with each thrust into you. You bucked your hips upward and your leg fell off of his shoulder as another orgasm washed over you and your walls clenched around him, “God, you’re so tight.”

Suddenly, as you came down from your high he flipped you over and one of his hands came down against your head, pushing your head into the mattress as his other hand helped his cock slide back into you from behind. He grabbed a fistful of your hair as you whimpered beneath him at how rough he was being out of nowhere. His other hand winded back and came down hard on your ass and he pulled your head against his chest by the fistful of your hair in his hand. His other hand snaked around your neck and you felt like you were going to collapse, you couldn’t even steady your breathing as he relentlessly continued to fuck you.

“I’m gonna cum again, I’m gonna-”

“C’mon, let go. Cum for me again like the little whore you are.” His words cut you off and drove you over the edge, another orgasm hitting you hard. Your legs began to go weak and your body started to go limp. He let your hair go and you fell forward on the mattress, ass in the air once more.

“Bill, oh my god, I’m cumming.”

“That’s it, that’s my girl, cum for me.” You moan at the way he calls you his girl and your orgasm continues to hit you. You could have sworn you were seeing stars at this point and then he’s asking you, “Can you give me one more? Daddy needs you to cum for me one more time.” He’s pumping in and out of you rather slowly as he questions you and you whimper, but you nod your head nonetheless. He grabs onto your hips and his thrusts quicken once again.

He hits your spot repeatedly and your walls tighten and untighten around him and he moans at the way it feels. Your body is practically shaking as he pounds into you just a few more times and that’s when it hits you. His thrusts become sloppy and right as he pulls out to unload himself on your back your orgasm hits you, but it’s rather different this time. You moan loudly, your legs giving out and suddenly, your laying in complete wetness as he finishes onto your back.

“I get bonus points for making you squirt like that.” Your eyebrows knit together in confusion before you realize that’s why it’s so wet. Bill actually made you cum four times and you squirted one of said times. You were rather impressed with how good he was. You just hum in response, unable to move for a moment.

He sifts throught the dresser and grabs a couple of random shirts, one for you to wear and the other to clean up the mess he made on your back.

“So, we should probably hurry out of here before we get caught. Don’t want anyone thinking you got black out drunk and pissed on this randos bed, do we?”

And there was the Bill you knew...

“Fuck you, Bill.” You shakily stood up and he was already dressed. Quickly, he’s grabbing your panties and helping you put them back on before grabbing the t-shirt he had found for you and pulling it over your head.

“Let’s get you home, squirtie.”

“Okay, this is never happening again, I don’t care how good it was. You’re still an asshole.”

“Yeah right, you’ll be calling me over tomorrow night, don’t worry.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Why? I’d rather have you do it for me.”

“Oh my god, just drive me back to my dorm and shut up.”

Smirk.

Eye roll.

—

I think that was actually pretty good, but I didn’t fully proof read it so if there’s any mistakes then oops lol. Hope you guys liked it😌

tag list: @traqicalromance @catsonthebeachfics @prof-scribbles

[billhaderlovebot]

beep beep (2) - richie tozier

okay, mentions of sex, weed, and as usual, language that would make my grandmother disown me. some horror-typical blood stuff. enjoy.

@the-star-above-you @ceruleanrainblues

had it not been for richie's incredible, rugged good looks and sex appeal, as he had so tactfully put it, you were sure you would have tried to fucking murder the guy at least once, because he was infuriating at the best of times.

you'd never actually made an attempt on his life, of course, but now, as he tried to peel away from you and get out of the bed that wasn't a single but not quite big enough for two people, you almost killed him, hissing at him to lay the fuck back down right now we might die today i haven't seen you for like half my life you asshole cuddle me right now, richard.

richie, of course, as he hadn't ever been able to say no to you, smirked and shifted to lay back down, resuming the earlier position in which your limbs had become not unlike that thing where your headphones get all knotted in your bag and you can't figure out how to separate them.

"that's what i thought." you huffed, leaning up to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

this was almost surreal. being back here, and with the same man you left behind. it was like, the whole time you'd been apart, you'd only been half a person. and now you were back and he was holding you and you were one whole, functioning person again because he was your other half.

"i was just thinking, yknow." richie voiced, pressing a kiss of his own to your temple. "about, uh, your husband."

"i fucking hope not. that's not good bedroom etiquette, tozier, bedding a girl and then fantasising about her husband."

"shut up," he laughed. "no, i mean, you're... married." he noticeably recoiled at the word, and you visualised the nose-scrunch, because he was definitely scrunching his nose right now. god, you loved him so much.

"i noticed."

"yeah, but, babe, this isn't a very married thing to be doing, is it?" richie gestured to the bedclothes, which you were both very naked underneath, and also his shirt, which had ended up hanging from the door handle. there was underwear strewn about the place, and you literally did not know where your pajamas had gone. oh well.

"rich, when i made the decision to come here, i made the decision to leave there." it was true. you may not have known it at the time, but the moment you left that house you were never to return.

your husband might have been calling, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about him. but any calls he made would have come through in a stream of bubbles and a faint gurgling sound, what with your phone still being back home in your bathtub. being back here just proved that this was where you were always supposed to be. with him. you slid off your wedding ring, pressing it into his palm, and it was as if a weight had been lifted.

"it's always been you, richie."

and that was enough for him.

---

bill raised his eyebrows at last night's dark purple and red hickeys that littered your throat, courtesy of a one richard tozier, before joining you where you sat in the common area. you hadn't thought to pack a turtleneck, or a scarf, at that, and so you'd have to avoid everyone's inquisitive looks and make do.

when richie emerged from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand and a matching set of hickeys, bill sighed.

"th-thought so." he said.

"huh?"

"thin w-w-walls, guys."

"it's not her fault im the best she's ever had." remarked richie, winking at bill and falling onto the couch beside you. he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you into him, sipping his coffee.

you shrugged. "yeah, billy, and it's not his fault he hasn't had a good lay since i dumped his ass in derry."

"hey! you didn't mean to dump my ass."

"ah, but i did, nonetheless."

"fuck you." richie teased, setting his coffee down on the table so he could pretend to argue with you properly.

"no, fuck you." you shot back.

"fuck both of you." a voice, eddie's, whined from the kitchen where richie had come from and interrupted your pretend dispute. "i mean, you kept me up all fucking night, fucking each other absolutely senseless in the room next to mine, you inconsiderate assholes."

"they haven't changed, eddie." bill groaned, rolling his shoulders and leaning back on the couch.

"i know that," said eddie "but i don't think i can deal with it, they're all fucking over each other!"

you supposed eddie was right.

richie, now realising you were here and he was with you and you were both within kissing distance of each other again after over two decades, he took every opportunity to shove you against a wall or a door or a sink or on a bed and kiss you hard. a lot. a lot. seriously, he'd sprung at least four impromtu heavy makeout sessions (with tongue) on you so far and it was only your first day here.

it was like you were teenagers again.

god, if only.

"w-we need to put a plan together." bill said firmly, clasping his hands together. you had noticed his stutter had been worse since you'd left the restaurant. not as bad as when you were kids, but still there. "w-w-we need everyone here, t-together, which doesn't include you two s-sneaking off to suck face."

"but she's got such a nice face." richie whined.

"she won't if you don't get your shit together." you heard the voice of ben hanscom (or, handsome, as richie now referred to him.) as he trudged down the stairs and joined you all in the living room. "so shut up and listen in case IT decides to tear it off her."

now, that had really freaked richie out, so he shrugged in defeat and pulled you tighter to him, kissing your forehead and holding you to his chest.

"good morning to you too, ben." you yawned, circling an arm around richie's waist and allowing him to just hold you.

what? he was fucking warm, ok.

"are you guys gonna be like this the whole time?" ben queried, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee eddie had just brought out for him.

"i think it's sweet." beverly was the next to come in, ruffling the back of her hair and rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"yeah guys, we all got hot or married, and richie got less and less familiar with his fucking shower. we should be impressed he got anywhere near her." eddie chided. a chorus of laughter arose, all of you sat around the coffee table on plush couches, and you could pretend, just for a moment, that this was all you were here for. a reunion. but you weren't.

"m-mike's meeting us later." bill explained. "we have.... stuff to do."

---

the clubhouse was almost exactly how you remembered it (save for the inch-thick layer of dust and the smell of rot and the slight water damage from what must have been 27 years of rain leaks). you'd damn near punched richie in the fucking face when he pulled that "you'll float too" bullshit. his impressions were always impeccable, but now was not the time. he'd rectified his mistake by kissing you soundly and offering one to everyone else, to which they all refused.

"reckon we could still fit?" richie echoed your own thoughts as you both stared in at the dusty old hammock you'd spent so many hours on as teenagers, nostalgia coming over you in waves.

"how much you betting, trash-mouth?" you grinned, your tongue poking out from between your teeth.

"five bucks says we can."

you looked over the stretch of fabric that ben had pinned up between the boards on the ceiling all those years ago. you could barely fit on it when you were teenagers, so there wasn't much change of it happening 20-or-so years on. "i say we can't, so, ten bucks."

"done." he said, with an air of finality, and stuck his hand out for you to shake.

"nah," you shook your head. extending your little finger instead."handshakes are for businessmen and drug dealers. pinky swear."

richie hooked his pinky around yours and flashed you his signature shit-eating grin. "get ready to cough up."

a great deal of struggling later, (richie almost bringing the fucking roof down) you were considerably warmer and ten dollars poorer. the rest of the losers stared on in disappointment because the two of you were still absolutely insane. but you had done it.

granted, you'd had to twist very close around each other to fit on, and your leg was sticking out at an odd angle, but neither of you were terribly bothered.

"ten bucks, babe."

"can't i just have sex with you?" you groaned. you hadn't brought much money with you in the first place, and you really needed a coffee and a therapeutic shop for stationary.

"how about you give me ten bucks and then i have sex with you." he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"i think that consistutes prostitution, actually, babe." you pointed out, kissing his lips and reluctantly pressing two folded fives into his hand. "but i do expect something by way of a sexual favour later on, provided we don't die."

"guys? important stuff is going on. yknow, like, if-we-don't-do-this-we'll get-fucking-murdered stuff." you'd forgotten that the rest of them were there, and eddie had rather pulled you both out of the bubble you were existing in.

"lighten up, eds. i just got my girl back." for once, richie wasn't joking around, and the sincerity in his voice almost made you cry. eddie didn't say anything more.

but mike did. "we have to split up to find our artefacts." he chimed in, reminding you all exactly what you were there for. "we have stan's, and i have mine. you'll know what they are when you see them."

you couldn't help but feel sorry for mike. he knew so much and had everything so planned out, but at what cost? he had been waiting alone for years and years and years, knowing full well the rest of derry depended on him not giving up, even if they didn't know it themselves.

"w-we can't split." bill interjected. "it's t-too dangerous. what if one of us d-d-d-d..." he inhaled deeply, calming himself and allowing mike to put a hand on his shoulder. "what if something happens. i won't forgive myself."

"im not letting this one out of my fucking sight, mikey." richie concurred, absently drumming his fingers where they rested on your waist. "no fucking way."

"you have to do this alone. all of you." mike continued, and you knew he was right.

ben and beverly knew it, too, and had begun making their way out of the clubhouse, the maggot-eaten wood of the ladder groaning in protest underneath their feet.

"right. a-are you s-sure, mike? really?"

"positive. this is how it has to be."

------

"okay, so if you die, we can't fuck later, and i would rather like to, so, maybe don't die, please." richie was trying to make light of possibly the worst moment of his life, but it wasn't working so well, because his hands were shaking so hard that he could barely keep ahold of you.

"i'll be fine, rich." you assured him, leaning against his chest and inhaling the scent of home.

"you don't know that, y-y-you don't-- t-there's no way you can-- y-y-you're-"

you cut him off by firmly pressing your lips to his, and it did seem to calm him. the act of holding you close and feeling the rise and fall of your chest and knowing he could touch you and you were still here. you thread your fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck and allowed him to deepen the kiss, knowing he needed it.

he had always needed reassurance when you were kids, because he'd always been insecure or scared about something he couldn't remember. he always went to you first, because the whole vulnerable thing wasn't really his scene, and you were the only person who saw it. and his nightmares, god, the fucking nightmares. you hadn't seen him cry before until he woke up shaking in your bed, searching around for something to grab onto because he couldn't tell what was real or not. he cried for what seemed like hours in your arms and all you could do was hold him.

"you're stuttering worse than billy." you murmured, close enough so your lips just barely touched. "ill be fine."

his eyes searched yours desperately for any sort of truth, but he could tell that you weren't sure. that you were just as shit-scared as he was and you were holding it together for the both of you.

"fuck." was all he said.

"fuck." you agreed.

---

1994

---

"baby." richie's voice was practically ecstatic down the phone. you grinned and reached over to your shelf to turn your record player, and the cure, down.

"yes?"

"i have, like, the best idea ever."

"and what would that be?"

"so, yknow, i have like, a shit ton of pot."

"uh huh."

"and i haven't seen you in like, uh, like two days. which is, fuckin, two days too long, yknow."

"yeah, of course."

"so, what say you and me get really really stoned and wait for your grandmother to leave for bingo and have a lot, and i mean a lot, of high sex."

"trash-mouth tozier, i may just take you up on that." you smirked, twirling the bright red phone cord in between your fingers.

"oh, good, cause im already here."

richie's voice was now coming from your actual window.

you whirled round to see him perched on the fire escape like a fucking curly haired pigeon with a high libido.

"god, you do know how to make an entrance, rich, fuck me."

"ask, and ye shall receive." richie smirked, dropping his legs through your window. in two strides he was in front of you, pupils dilated and partly concealed by his dark curls. his glasses were almost falling off his nose.

the phone receiver dropped from your hand and clattered to the ground as you reached up to take them off, and-

oh, and then his tongue was inside your mouth, so the glasses fell and landed alongside the phone by your bare feet.

no matter how many times you kissed richie tozier, it never failed to surprise you just how fucking good he was at it. you found yourself rather at his mercy whenever his lips were on yours, his hands on your face or in your hair or your back trouser pockets. he'd always make a point of tugging your bottom lip between his teeth and oh my fucking god. wow.

"well i can't fucking see you now, can i?" he whined, pulling away and blinking hard in an attempt to adjust to you having taken his actual sight away.

you responded by reaching your hand around to his back pocket where you knew his silver zippo would be.

"and here i thought you loved me."

richie stuck his bottom lip out in mock sadness, but grinned about two seconds after, reaching into his other pocket and handing you a small zip-lock baggie.

"you know that i love you." you smiled, kissing his lips and edging round him to get to your bed.

"you do?" he asked.

"more than anything."

----

2016

----

the zippo lighter was much heavier than you remembered it, you thought, as you turned it over and over in your hands.

you flicked it open, but no flame arose. not as though you expected it to.

god, those years were the happiest of your life. after IT. when richie and yourself could be happy and in love and kids.

just two stupid kids in love.

and your heart ached now as you thought of all the lost years. all that time you could have spent with him, watching him grow, and growing alongside him.

but you were together again, and it was alright. it was alright, now.

"beep beep, richie's girl."

the voice that came from behind you caused your heart to plummet, and you swore it could have fallen out of your ass.

"oh, fuck no. you fuck right off, right fucking now." you steadied the shaking of your hands. you were not afraid. i mean, yes, you were, very much so. but you weren't letting It see you weak.

clenching your fists, you slowly turned to look at the space near the window from which the voice had come.

oh, fuck.

it was richie.

or it would have been, if it were normal for richie to have a huge slice across his throat and a considerable amount of his left arm missing.

blood poured like a fucking faucet from the slash, forming grotesque patterns where it fell across its shirt.

"help me, baby." it choked, hands coming up to the wound, trying desperately to hold it together. it fell to its knees before you and pleaded with you to fucking help me, please and then it was crying and in that moment it's eyes looked so fucking much like his that you almost threw up.

"no, fuck no." you were seriously, seriously about to vomit right now, but you weren't about to embarrass yourself in front of a supernatural evil entity.

"please." blood came spluttering from its mouth, and you had to commend it on its honest to god phenomenal acting. it wasn't a pretty sight, honestly, because richie in any form of pain was enough to make you want to tear out your eyes, even a fake richie. but this wasn't him.

"you got it wrong." you flipped the lighter open and closed absently, hoping to whatever god would listen that the shake in your voice wasn't noticeable.

the mock expression of fear disappeared from not-richie's face.

"m not fucking scared of you. you'll only hurt me if i let you, right?" you hoped to god that you were right, because it'd be pretty embarrassing if after all that, you were torn to shreds anyway.

and then it was gone. leaving behind, scrawled in fake richie's fake blood on the wall:

beep beep, richie's girl.

you had to admire the theatrics, really.

---

richie hadn't wanted to talk about his artefact, or where he had got it, and you knew better than to push him.

he looked so fucking tense, tears in his eyes, that you just wanted to hold him and never let go ever until the earth stopped spinning. but that wasn't an option, so:

"nap?" you suggested, reaching up to thread your fingers through his hair.

his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into your touch.

"yeah. nap."

"rich?"

"yeah?"

"i love you."

"i love you more."

"fuck you."

"no, fuck you."

[eddieeatsass]

7 and 21 for reddie😎 only if you want to❤️

Sex Magic/Sex Pollen + Blind Date from this prompt list

This combo was so interesting, it really made me wrack my brain to figure out how to meld these two concepts together. My friend Jack actually helped me come up with this idea, so thank you for making us both push the limits of our imagination!

Read On AO3

The System had been in place for nearly a decade; the population’s first ever completely computerized dating process. A computer took in all of your data, scanning your life history, your future goals, your medical status, as well as having each client fill out a ten page questionnaire. All of that information was then used to narrow down everyone in their database, giving you your most compatible mate.

There were two experiences you could choose from; The Classic, which involved a regular blind date, and The Neo, which ended with the release of their patented pheromone gas. Clients who chose the later would get to experience the sensuality and intimacy that usually resulted at the end of a successful date. Clients were able to opt out at any time during the date, if they decide they do not want to go through with the final step. Despite that, however, the public still argued about the morality of the consent issues that could arise from this practice.

Because of this outrage over the program, The Neo got used less and less over time. What was once new and exciting had now taken a back seat to The Classic.

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak were two of The Neo’s first clients in months. Of course, the company couldn’t tell them that they’d only been paired together because they were the only two participants available, so instead, Richie and Eddie went into a blind date expecting to find their computer generated soul-mate.

It was a bright, sunny Friday afternoon when Eddie approached the dating center. He was welcomed warmly, and after reading through and signing all of the consent forms and legal documents, he was lead to a room. The building he’d arrived at was nice, the lobby had been decorated in a way that reminded its clients of why they were there; to find love. However, the room Eddie found himself in was starkly opposite.

It felt like he’d walked into a hospital. Everything was white, and the air smelt of disinfectant poorly concealed with the artificial smell of roses. In the middle of the room was a small square table, already set up with a table cloth, a candle, and two plates of pasta that couldn’t possibly be fresh. To the side there was a bed, barely big enough to fit two people but obvious in its purpose. Eddie was just considering bailing on this whole thing when he heard the door open behind him.

He turned to see a tall man stumbling in, eyes darting around the room before settling on Eddie. He was accompanied by the same worker who had brought Eddie in moments ago, but she quickly left with a curt nod, shutting the door behind them.

The two men stared at each other for one very long, very awkward moment, before the taller man took the lead.

“Hi, I’m Richie, you’re soul-mate, apparently.” Richie stuck his hand out towards Eddie, a charming but shy smile revealing a set of slightly buck teeth.

Eddie grasped his hand, shaking it timidly before deciding Richie was decently attractive. Definitely the type of guy Eddie would try and pick up at a bar. He was pleased with the introduction so far.

“I’m Eddie-” His voice was abruptly cut off by the crackle of a speaker.

“You’ve got thirty minutes before the gas will be emitted. If at any point before that you wish to end the date, you may discreetly press the button beneath the table, at which point one of our staff will be in to get you. Thank you for choosing The System as your dating course of choice. Good luck at your happily ever after.”

The voice was monotone, the disclaimer obviously rehearsed and recycled for every new date they supervised.

Eddie was quick to stifle his giggle, finding the contrast between the person’s lack of enthusiasm and the idea of finding your one true soul-mate hilarious, but unsure of how Richie would take it.

Surprisingly, Richie laughed unabashedly.

“Wow, with an introduction like that, how could we not be excited.”

Eddie let his giggle bubble up, soothed by the knowledge that Richie thought this experiment was turning out just as ridiculous as he did.

“Do you wanna see how terrible the food tastes?” Eddie asked.

“Eddie, my dear, nothing would make me happier.”

The food was awful, but that much shouldn’t be a surprise. This was a dating service, after-all, not a restaurant. The meals were probably made in giant batches, left to sit out all day and only being stirred or re-heated when necessary.

They poked at their pasta more than ate it, focusing instead on the conversation that seemed to flow freely between them. So far, Eddie had found out that Richie had recently moved to the city, was an only child but had a friend named Stan who he considered a brother, was trying to become an actor, and had a pet turtle.

“So, Eddie spaghetti,” Richie said, pointing towards the neglected spaghetti with his fork and a self-satisfied smile. “What led you to sign up for this romantic excursion?”

There it was, the question Eddie had been dreading. He knew it was going to come up, but hadn’t quite figured out a way to explain without coming across as lonely and desperate.

The truth was Eddie had gotten to a turning-point in his life very recently, where he’d had to choose between his own happiness and the happiness of others. After years of letting his mother dictate his life, choosing his school, his career, his partner, his sexuality, he’d had enough. But how could he sum that all up without Richie thinking he was a loser?

“Uhm, I came out recently…” Eddie chose that route; not quite a lie, but not the whole truth.

“Hey, congratulations!” Richie cheered, clinking his glass of water with Eddie’s before taking a sip. The action caused Eddie to startle, unfamiliar with someone congratulating him on, well, anything.

“So, you thought this might be the best way to find that special man?” Richie winked, gesturing at himself comically.

Eddie nodded, a small smile secured across his features.

“What about you?” He asked, eager to turn the attention away from himself.

Richie raised his eyebrows, as if he hadn’t been expecting the question to be turned around on him.

“Oh, uh, well my friends signed me up for this actually.” Richie rubbed the back of his neck. “But, well I guess it’s because I’ve been moping around for the past few months. Bad breakup and all that, you know. They must have decided it was time to get me back out there, and thus, here I am.” Richie gestured to the room around them, bringing their attention back to the bed that sat tauntingly in the corner.

“Apparently sex is part of getting me back out there.” Richie added, trying to make a joke out of an awkward moment.

Eddie smiled a little sadly.

“Well, if this was your friends’ idea, you certainly don’t have to, you know, act on anything. There’s no pressure.”

Richie’s featured contorted, almost as if he was offended Eddie would even suggest Richie might not want to see this through with him.

“Thanks for the out, but I hope you don’t mind if I don’t take it.”

Eddie’s cheeks tinted pink, a bashful smile causing him to tilt his head down.

“You’ve got a cute smile.” Richie murmured, almost too quiet for Eddie to pick up, before he was suddenly changing the subject.

The half hour they had to talk went by quickly, but they still found the time to discuss their entry questions for the program. They found out that they’d answered almost everything entirely the opposite from one another, leading them to question just how the algorithm worked.

“I still can’t believe you’d prefer a night at an arcade over a horse-back riding lesson for a first date.” Eddie teased, rounding back to the first question they’d been asked on their entry questionnaire.

“Hey, I stick by my guns; horses are terrifying creatures and I wish never to meet one.” Richie joked.

“I’ll have to introduce you to my friend Mike. He owns a farm and they’ve got the most gentle horses you’ve ever met. They wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

The insinuation of meeting up again after this program didn’t go unnoticed. Richie’s grin widened before Eddie realized what he’d said, slumping a bit lower in his chair and bringing the water glass to his lips.

“You know, if you want.” Eddie added, hiding his own smile behind a gulp of water.

“Already introducing each other to the friends, huh? Why Eddie, I didn’t know we were that serious.” Richie drawled in a dreadful impression of a southern belle.

Eddie’s face was flushed, his heartbeat preparing to send him to the hospital, when the overhead speakers came to life once more.

“We are now commencing part two. Please get comfortable as the gas begins to take its effects. Under the bed you will find anything you might need to make this experience more enjoyable.”

The two looked at each other with mixed expressions, the tone in the room suddenly thick with anticipation. The faint hissing of gas filtering in could be heard, but after looking around they couldn’t find its source.

Richie was the first one to move, pushing himself away from the table and heading towards the bed. He crouched down, reaching under the low bed frame and blindly feeling around until his hand met a box.

Once it was pulled out in full view, Richie and Eddie’s eyes both widened. The box was filled with an assortment of condoms, different types of lube, and even a few sex toys that were still in the package, marked with bright price stickers that implied if they used them, they were purchasing them to be taken home after.

“Wow, this is really happening.” Eddie said from where he still sat stock-still in his chair.

“Only if you want it to.” Richie said firmly, turning to give Eddie a genuine look.

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works. Soon our hormones are gonna take control and we won’t be able to help ourselves.”

“Hey,” Richie got up from his perch and walked over to Eddie, kneeling down in front of him and locking on to his gaze. “I will not do anything you don’t want me to. I don’t care what kind of crazy sex magic this is, I can and will hold myself back, if you tell me to.”

The tightness in Eddie’s chest began to loosen at Richie’s assurance, or maybe it was loosening because of the gas. Either way, Eddie found himself feeling more at ease, more confident, brazen.

He rose from his seat and passed by Richie, beginning to strip his shirt off as he walked towards the bed.

Richie was frozen in place, heart beating quickly at the mere sight of Eddie’s back. He was all tan skin and freckles and toned muscles; Richie found himself wanting to trace every curve with his tongue.

When Eddie’s hands began undoing his pants, Richie shot up and strode over within seconds, stilling Eddie’s hands with his own.

“Leave some for me, w-will ya?” He tried to joke, dry throat causing him to stumble over his words.

They couldn’t tell if the heat in the room was rising, or if it was the heat in their bodies. What had felt comfortable moments ago suddenly felt stifling. Getting rid of each other’s clothes became both lust-fueled and an attempt at regulating their temperatures.

Eddie began finding himself noticing things about Richie he hadn’t before. His hair was not an even shade of black, but rather a meld of dark browns and raven tones. It curled up in ways that made you want to run your fingers through it, and it looked so soft it was tantalizing.

Richie was noticing similar details about Eddie, like the swoop of his tiny nose and the smattering of freckles that didn’t just dust his cheeks, but scattered across his forehead and down his jaw. Richie followed the freckles down Eddie’s body, eyes glazing over as he took in the delicious planes of bare skin. When his gaze finally settled on Eddie’s cock, pink and perky, he dropped to his knees automatically.

Clients had to be free of STIs to pass through, so Richie didn’t think twice before taking Eddie into his mouth. The warmth of him on his tongue matched the warmth Richie felt all over, and the weight of the cock grounded him. He found it easy to focus on that and nothing else.

Eddie let out an unrestrained moan, letting his head tilt back as his fingers wound into that tempting hair. It was just as soft as he’d imagined, and he found himself gathering as much of it as he could in his fists.

As wonderful as it was to look down and see Richie’s mouth formed around his cock, eyes shut as he sucked with fervor unlike any Eddie had ever seen (or felt), Eddie needed more. His body tingled all over, his hole throbbed for attention, and all he wanted was for Richie to stuff him so full he wouldn’t be able to walk out of this place without assistance.

“Are you okay with topping?” Eddie struggled through his syrupy thoughts, trying to form a coherent sentence.

Richie hummed questioningly around Eddie’s cock, sending a shock of vibration up his shaft that had him cursing silently.

“Richie, are you okay with topping?” Eddie tried again, this time gritting the question through his teeth as his fingers tightened in Richie’s hair.

He got the same response, and irritation mixing with arousal caused Eddie to yank on Richie’s hair, pulling his head back and leaving him slack jawed and staring up at Eddie.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Eddie asked, all composure gone from his tone, replaced instead with desperation.

Richie smirked, raising on shaky legs and pulling Eddie close. Eddie’s hands were still tangled in his locks, causing his arms to rest on Richie’s shoulders.

“Oh Eds… I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll be wrecked for anyone else.”

Richie leaned in, capturing Eddie’s lips in the first of their kisses. It was messy, driven by passion and an intensity that nearly knocked them off their feet.

Richie began steering Eddie backwards towards the bed, keeping their mouths connected with melding tongues and swallowed moans.

When Eddie felt the mattress hit the back of his legs, he turned around and crawled across the bed on all fours, lowering his chest until it touched the bed so his ass was in the air. He reached back with both hands, spreading his cheeks and presenting his hole to Richie. It was such an unexpected lewd pose that it nearly had Richie choking on air. Eddie looked like a cat in heat, bearing himself completely to be at the mercy of Richie.

“You better make good on your promise.” Eddie challenged, his voice a bit breathless.

Richie grabbed a bottle of lube from the box provided and hastily joined Eddie on the bed, his excitement causing him to stumble momentarily.

Richie’s chest was tightening, a slow spring getting ready to launch him into the abyss of infatuation. He was already completely taken with Eddie, but now, with the addition of the pheromones, he felt completely consumed by his obsession over this boy.

Richie was quick to squeeze some lube out onto his fingers, surprised when the smell of cherries drifted up to his nose. He looked at the label on the bottle, seeing it was indeed marketed as cherry flavored, and made a mental note to test it later when he wasn’t so hyper-focused on getting as deep inside Eddie’s guts as possible.

Richie brought a single digit to Eddie’s hole, admiring for a moment how pink and pretty it was; like a small flower waiting to bloom. He teased around the ring of muscle, enjoying the way the skin twitched in response, before he experimentally began pushing in.

Richie was surprised as Eddie’s hole essentially sucked him in, pulling him through the warm channel until he was up to his knuckle.

“I… may have stretched before coming here…” Eddie admitted, wiggling back into Richie shamelessly.

Richie’s brain was spinning, partially from the gas but mostly from the sight in front of him. Eddie was taking him so well, so eager to be stretched open and fucked good, and boy would Richie deliver.

After a few pumps and twists of his finger, Richie was already able to add another. In addition to Eddie having already stretched himself, a side effect of the gas was that it relaxed you, loosening your muscles and making your body more pliant. So Richie was able to get three fingers deep in record time, having received not a single complaint from Eddie, but instead continuous encouragement and hip swivels.

At this point, Eddie was basically fucking himself back on Richie’s fingers, and Richie legitimately considered letting him get off just like that. However, Richie’s own length was feeling ignored, so he shelved that idea for another day.

Richie removed his fingers, soothing Eddie’s whine with kisses along his back as Richie reached towards the box for a condom.

“No, n-no condom.” Eddie panted, trying to pull Richie’s hand back towards himself.

“Wha- are you sure?” Richie asked, despite his heart rate skyrocketing at the idea of being inside Eddie completely bare.

Eddie nodded, accompanied with a little moan.

“I want to carry your load inside me for the rest of the day.”

That’s all the encouragement Richie needed to convince him. He let his forehead rest between Eddie’s shoulder blades for a moment, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to compose himself so he didn’t cum then and there.

“You are going to kill me if you keep saying things like that.” Richie huffed out.

Eddie wiggled his ass back against Richie once again, only now that Richie was hunched over him, Eddie was grinding right back into his lap, the thick head of Richie’s cock catching on Eddie’s rim every few seconds.

“Then shut me up.” Eddie challenged coyly.

Well, Richie might only last a few seconds, but at least they’ll be a blissful few.

Richie drew back his pelvis, lining himself up with Eddie and pushing in without hesitation. The resulting moan was wanton, filling the room with a small echo that bounced off the walls. Richie momentarily wondered if these rooms were soundproof, and tried to think back to when he’d been walking through the halls. Had he heard anyone? Were there people listening to his most intimate moments right this second?

Eddie’s tight heat clenching around him was enough to shake those thoughts from his head. If they wanted to listen, then god bless them, because Richie would put on a show.

He pulled his hips back before pistoning forward with a vigor that knocked a choked moan out of Eddie. Richie quickly set a tempo that had Eddie unable to keep quiet, making sure to angle himself in a way that he found Eddie’s prostate, and keeping himself aimed towards it with every thrust.

“Fuck fuck hhhhhnnnnnngggg- so full.” Eddie groaned, reaching one of his hands down to his abdomen and pressing in, as if he might be able to feel Richie within him.

“So tight.” Richie responded, petting down Eddie’s back.

“I don’t know if it’s the g-gas but I don’t think I’ve ever been fucked this g-good- oh my god yesssss right there.”

Eddie was meeting Richie thrust for thrust, the sound of skin slapping together the only thing that could be heard apart from their moans.

“That’s not the gas- fuck- it’s all m- mmmmmm- all me, baby.”

Normally Eddie would hate a cocky response like that, but right then it went straight to his cock, causing it to twitch and release a heady string of pre-cum. He could tell he was going to cum soon, could feel the tightening in his balls and the constricting of his abdomen.

“I’m gonna cum, Richie- ‘m gonna- ahhhhh-”

Richie reached a hand around to Eddie’s front, grasping his cock in a gentle hold and giving it the attention it craved. Within seconds Eddie was spilling over Richie’s deft fingers, soiling the bed beneath them with waves of his release.

It took Richie another few minutes to cum, fucking into Eddie’s overstimulated hole to chase his own high. Eddie didn’t complain, didn’t wince away or whine, he just stayed open and willing, a vessel for Richie to get off.

When Richie finally finished and pulled out, Eddie collapsed on the bed, too far out of his mind to care that he was laying in his own cum, or that Richie’s was dripping out of him.

Richie lowered himself down beside Eddie, catching his breath as he let his eyes wander over the man’s lithe form. He wasn’t sure what the protocol was after having sex-gas initiated intercourse with a stranger. Did you cuddle? Kiss? Was he allowed to ask him on another date?

As the gas induced haze started to leave their minds, they became more and more aware of the state of them.

“Do you think they have showers here?” Eddie’s voice chirped up after a long silence. It was smaller than before, shy, maybe, which Richie thought to be endearing after he’d been begging for Richie to destroy him mere minutes ago.

“I hope so. I’m not too keen on the idea of walking home covered in my own spunk.”

Richie heard a small giggle, and when Eddie turned to face him he just about stopped Richie’s heart.

The smile on his face was radiant, shining up into his eyes and directly into Richie’s soul. Richie nearly missed his next few words, too busy falling so hard he thought he may get a concussion.

“I’ve always hated that word. Spunk.” Eddie repeated it, scrunching his nose up in disgust.

Richie wasn’t aware of his hand moving until it was curling a lock of Eddie’s hair around his ear, fingers drifting down to his cheek bone and along his jaw. Eddie’s face fell into a new expression, surprised, but also inquisitive and searching.

Richie let his hand settle on to Eddie’s neck, thumb grazing back and forth over his jaw. He locked in to those hazel eyes before slowly, carefully, leaning into Eddie’s space and placing a gentle peck on his lips.

Eddie responded with a light press of his own lips, eyelids fluttering shut only for them to pop back open when the kiss ended before he was ready.

“Eddie…” Richie took a breath, stilling himself before continuing. “Will you go on a date with me? A real date?”

Eddie bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his grin from showing through. He tried to calm his heart down before responding.

“On one condition.”

Richie raised an eyebrow.

“The food has to be better than that slop.” Eddie nodded towards the table where their forgotten dinner laid.

“Of course, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie smiled before recapturing Eddie’s lips.

[derryhawkins]

Life is a Highway [3/49]

summary: The seven of them made a plan in middle school: use the months between high school and college, and take a road trip through all of the states. Their twelve year old minds didn’t think it would actually happen, but six years later with enough saved up money, they’re going on an extremely long trip together in a large van. pairings: reddie; benverly; hanbrough; stanpat chap word count: 6.5k a/n: hopefully i remembered everyone who wanted to be tagged! if i didn’t/if you want to be added to the taglist just send me an ask x

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chapter three: rhode island

Ben wakes up half on the row of seats and half off, arm and leg hanging off and onto the floorboard of the van. A body is pressing against his own a little bit. He turns his head a little bit to see the back of Mike’s head. Mike is still asleep, laying on his side as he’s squished between Ben and the backrest of the seats, and they’re sharing Ben’s pillow, making them awfully close. At first Ben feels bad, but Mike doesn’t look uncomfortable so Ben just turns his head back around and stares at the back of the row of seats in front of him.

It’s day three of the road trip. After Salem, they spent one more night in Massive Two Shits, and then drove to Rhode Island early in the morning. It was a calm drive. Not very lively, actually, since they were all still half asleep during it. Yesterday, after getting into Rhode Island, they didn’t do much. There was a cliff walk thingy they decided to do, and after seeing they could go to the beach, they went shopping for swimsuits for whoever didn’t bring anyway (AKA Richie, Mike, and Bill) along with sunscreen and towels. They didn’t go to the beach though, because by the time they wanted to all the public ones were closed. So, that’s what they’re doing today. That is, if anyone else can wake up.

Ben turns and lifts his head to look out the window. The sun isn’t too high up in the sky, meaning it’s still early in the morning. The inside of the van is filled with sounds of sleeping. Bill’s loud snores that they’ve all gotten used to, Eddie’s occasional sleep talk, Mike’s soft snores (Ben didn’t even realize he snores until this trip), and Richie’s random hums of content (nothing sexual, thank God). Last night, no one really wanted to find a hotel or motel to stay in, so they found a safe place to park the van and got situated there. Mike and Ben got one of the middle rows, and Eddie and Bev got the first row – they’re in no doubt a similar position to him and Mike – while Richie took the floorboard in front of it. Bill leaned back the driver’s seat almost all the way, and Stan did the same with the passenger’s seat; the two of them fell asleep there, everyone with their own pillows and blankets – except for Ben and Mike, who somehow ended up sharing a pillow.

Some minutes later, Ben slides onto the floor and just lays there for a moment or two before carefully sitting up. He then grabs his wad of clothes from under the seats and carefully and slowly slips on the shorts he wore the day before. He then grabs his shoes and the shirt, and made sure his wallet is in his shorts’ pockets before standing up and getting out of the van as quietly as possible. Ben rubs at his face and runs his hands through his hair after putting on the shoes and shirt outside, only to freeze as the van door slides open again to reveal Eddie, half asleep with wild hair but fully dressed. They both just stare for a moment.

“Uh. Morning?” He winces as it came out as a question and not a greeting, but Eddie doesn’t seem to notice. He grunts in response and rubs at his eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

“Terrible,” Eddie mutters. “Not because of any of you guys, but just…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, and sighs. “Sorry, I don’t feel like talking about it right now.”

Ben nods. “That’s alright, man.” He guesses that it has something to do with his mom, or maybe he’s homesick; either way, he doesn’t push into it. “You can sleep on the beach later – I’ll make sure you’ll wake up from time to time to put on sunscreen.”

A smile – albeit a tired one that doesn’t reach his ears – forms. “Thanks, Ben. Where’re you going?”

He motions down the road vaguely. “To the gas station for some coffee. Wanna come with?” Eddie gives him a grimace, and he doesn’t need to say a thing for Ben to know what he’s thinking. “It’s good!” Ben promises. “Nothing like hotel coffee, I swear.” Still, Eddie stares at him with the grimace expression. “You don’t have to get any.”

Eddie then looks offended. “Of course I’m getting some!” He whispered-shouts, glancing shortly at the van, and they both know that if he had been any louder he would’ve woken some of the others. “But if I get some disease because of you-.”

Ben’s hands move up in mock surrender. “Eddie, if you get sick from the gas station coffee, I give you permission to do anything you want to me.”

Instantly, they both freeze, both thinking how wrong that sounded, and it doesn’t help that an amused snort comes from inside the van. Eddie rolls his eyes, and Ben shakes his head as the shorter boy tells Richie to shut up. Then, the two are off to the gas station. They’re both still mildly half asleep so the conversation is minimal, but the company is appreciated – at least on Ben’s side. He likes spending time with Eddie – even though he can be too much sometimes, but in certain degrees, that can go for any one of them – and, unfortunately, the two haven’t spent one-on-one time together in a while.

It’s not until they’re in the gas station and making seven coffees when they really talk again, just so they can make sure they’re making everything okay enough for the others.

“Bill likes a lot of creamer, right?”

“Yeah, the weirdo.”

“I literally just watched you dump a shit ton of sugar in your coffee, Eddie.”

“Okay, and? Wait- does Stan like coffee?”

“Black.”

“Great, okay.”

“Richie likes is black, too, yeah?”

“Yeah, but with some sugar. No creamer.”

“Mike?”

“Honestly, he drinks anything. Bev likes hers strong, right?”

“Yep, with only a little bit of creamer, and some sugar.”

When they’re done and are standing with seven cups of coffee on the counter in front of them, they hi-five, proud of themselves. Eddie then grabs a pen out of his fanny pack – which Ben doesn’t even notice until then – and he puts everyone’s initials on the lids. Ben pays for all of them, mutters a sorry to the cashier as he does so, and then thanks the employee after it’s all done. On the walk back to the van, Eddie carries three and Ben carries four with ease.

They got there only to see everyone else already up and about. The two slow down as they get closer, matching expressions of confusion on their faces because usually it takes a lot for everyone to be up at the same time this early. Sure, it’s not extremely early, or anything, but the chances of everyone getting up at the same time is slim. Their confusion quickly morphs into amusement as the Piña Colada song meets their ears.

Richie and Bill are on top of the van, loudly singing along. The two are barely even dressed for the day; Richie is wearing one of his Hawaiian shirts, unbuttoned, with a loose pair of old gym shorts he slept in, and Bill is just in boxer shorts and socks, a baseball cap backwards on his head. Mike is trying to take a picture with Bill’s camera, but both Richie and Bill are moving too fast to get a good one. Beverly is sitting on the edge and dodges one of Richie’s legs, and then Stan is standing a little ways away, arms crossed and trying to not look amused. No one is dressed properly, Ben realizes, as he looks at his friends. Everyone minus him and Eddie are still in what they slept in. He glances around at the few morning runners, and gives a sorry smile as one in particular glares at them.

“Yes, I like Piña Coladas!” Richie belts out along with the van’s radio and slings an arm around Bill’s shoulders. “And getting caught in the rain!”

Bill laughs and leans into Richie. “I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne!” He puts an arm around Richie’s waist, and they sing loudly – correction: terribly – through the rest of the chorus together.

“I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape—.”

“How long were we gone?” Ben leans down to speak to Eddie, neither taking their eyes off of their, quite frankly, embarrassing friends.

Eddie shakes his head. “Like… Forty minutes? What the fuck. They could’ve changed – Bill could’ve put on clothes!”

“Bill streaked through one of the high school’s football games,” Stan states as he walks up. “I’m honestly not surprised by him being half naked in public.”

Ben holds out the four coffees he’s holding and lets Stan take his, and then Beverly is sliding down the van and rushes to them, grinning as she goes to Ben as well, taking her own coffee after looking at the initials. “Wasn’t that for a dare?” He asks Stan. “By you?”

Stan hides his smirk behind the coffee while he takes a sip.

“—and we laughed for a moment, and I said, ‘I never knew’—.”

Beverly giggles as she holds her coffee. “I think we shouldn’t give them their coffee,” she says, and the three of them watch as Richie dramatically sings a song about piña coladas while dancing terribly, and as Bill does everything equally as bad without a care in the world about being in just boxer shorts and socks. Ben honestly wonders how a cop hasn’t walked up yet and taken them in for public indecency.

“They’ll be worn out by the end of the day because of the sun,” Ben says.

It’s said in hope, though. Nothing has really ever stopped the duo on the van from doing chaotic, obnoxious, stupid things before – and Bev knows that, too. So when she gives him a look of disbelief, silently saying she doubts that’ll happen, Ben can’t argue with her. Not that he would argue with Bev, anyway.

Mike walks up, then, with an amused smile. Eddie hands him his coffee, to which Mike takes with a thanks, which then prompts Bev and Stan to thank the boys as well since they had forgotten to earlier. “Should we stop them?” He asks.

“Hey, eyesores!” Stan shouts above the playing music and singing. Richie and Bill stop almost instantly. “Ben and Eddie brought coffee, and if you want some before I throw it away, I suggest you stop embarrassing yourselves.” A pause. “And put some fucking clothes on, Bill.”

Ben watches as Bill looks down at himself. Blue eyes grow wide, and suddenly he’s sliding off of the van and diving into it, shutting the door behind him. Richie gets off and comes over next.

“You could have invited me to come with, y’know,” Richie says as a thanks when he takes the cup from Eddie. “I was awake, too.”

“We know,” is all Eddie replies with. The words quickly start their daily routine of bickering, and Ben steps away from them.

He takes a sip of his own coffee as Mike takes Bill’s from his other hand. Mike and Stan begin to talk, sipping their coffees, and soon enough Bill is joining them – fully dressed now with the cap still backwards on his head – and he takes his cup from Mike, the two sharing smiles.

Ben turns to Bev and motions to her coffee with his own. “How is it?”

“It’s good, actually,” she says. “I never expected gas station coffee to be this good. And you made it perfectly. Thanks.”

He sheepishly shrugs. “Ah, it’s nothing, just some coffee.”

“Maybe but I’m still thanking you for it. Hey, are you ready for the beach today? I know that, uh…” Bev trails off and paused for a short moment, clearly figuring out the right words to say. “You’ve said something before, a few times, about not being body confident and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Warmth spreads through his chest. He knows that the others know about him being self conscious and all, but for some reason he hadn’t been expecting anyone to bring it up. To make sure he feels comfortable. Let alone that person being Bev. But at the same time, it makes sense that she’s the one making sure he’s alright. She did the same thing with Stan and his route when they decided to go to Salem.

Ben feels himself fall a little.

“I’ll be fine,” he assures her with a smile. “Most likely I’ll just wear a shirt that I don’t care too much about with my swim trunks.”

The thing is, Ben knows he’s not fat like he had been as a child. Overweight and chunky. He actually used to be fine with his weight until middle school came around, and that’s when the self consciousness came into play. And at first he wasn’t even going to lose weight. Eventually he did, most for himself but also to spite the bullies, and the fact that he did track helped out; as did eating healthier. Now, he’s still got some fat on him. He doesn’t have a ‘perfect’ male body, that’s for sure – the only one closest to that is Mike – but he’s got descent muscle and all, and he’s at a healthy weight that fluctuates. Still, he feels insecure sometimes. Not as often and not as much as he did in his early teen years, but it’s still there.

Bev looks up at him and nods. “I figured. Just wanna make sure you’re comfortable – and I’m sure the others do too.”

“Hey, if I wasn’t comfortable, I would have asked if we could do something else.”

She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Ben, honey, you ate oysters last year because you couldn’t say no to Mr. Denbrough. You hate oysters.”

Ignoring the term of endearment – mentally, at least, because physically, his cheeks turn red – Ben winces.

“You puked after.”

“A lot can change in a year,” he defends himself poorly, because he knows that Bev knows that he wouldn’t have suggested a different place if he wasn’t comfortable with the beach.

Bev just gives him a tiny smile and squeezes his upper arm. “You’re a sweetheart, Ben,” she says quietly. “But maybe learn to say no?” Her nose scrunches up at the suggestion.

He chuckles. “I’ll try,” he promises. “Also, I swear I’m comfortable with the beach.”

“I know, I believe you. I just care about you.” There’s a small pause, and her cheeks turn the slightest pink. “We all do,” she adds quickly.

“Bev!” Eddie calls, now by the van, waving to get her attention. They both look at him. “Can you help me find my old Thundercats shirt?”

Bev smiles and nods. “Be there in a second!”

“I’ll help too—.”

A chorus of, “No, Richie,” is heard from Eddie, Bev, and Bill. Richie gapes at them and dramatically huffs, eliciting a small laugh from Ben.

+++

“Kowabunga, dudes!”

From behind the group, Richie dashes forward, yelling in pure excitement. Bill is right after him, and so is Bev. All three run down the wooden ramp and take off their flip flops to run easier through the sand to get to the chairs and two umbrellas they rented – and they weren’t too expensive, thank God. And before Stan knows it, Eddie is chasing after the three of them as well, equally excited, but pushing that away for the time being to make sure they put on sunscreen; they have, everyone has. Stan watches them and cracks a smile as Bill faceplants into the sand right behind their chairs. He can hear Bev’s laughter mix with Richie’s almost instantly, and Eddie freezes where he is before laughing as well. A few groups of families and friends look their way, amused at Bill as well, before moving on with their lives.

Mike chuckles beside Stan as they get off the ramp. Behind them, Ben carries a backpack that was carefully packed earlier with some sandwiches, water, and fruit.

Stan steps into the sand and slips off the flip flops with ease. He grimaces a bit. He isn’t fond of sand – it gets everywhere so easily – but he can tolerate it enough to enjoy some time with his friends. By the time he gets to the four chairs with Mike and Ben, Bev has chucked off her coverup and hung it over one of the chairs with her towel and is now standing ankle deep. The waves, which are a bit rough but nothing huge, crash onto the shore and her ankles. Richie isn’t too far behind. He takes off his shirt with ease and lets it fall on the sand by his crumpled up towel and flip flops before running to stand with Bev.

Stan carefully puts his towel on the back of one of the chairs that’s directly under one of the two umbrellas. “I can already see Richie trying to go out to the other sandbar and drowning,” he says to Mike, light hazel eyes going over the choppy waters and cloudy sky, anxiety starting to bubble up.

It probably isn’t the best day for a beach trip, but they’re here anyway so they might as well have some fun.

“He won’t drown,” Mike assures.

“We’ve all been to the beach only, like, a handful of times during our eighteen years of living. If at all! What if he doesn’t know about rip currents? How strong are the rip currents today anyway? They get pretty strong, y’know, and—.”

“Stan,” Mike interrupts. He lays a comforting hand on Stan’s shoulder, tilting his head down the littlest bit to see under the umbrella. “It’s Richie. He’s a dumbass but he’s not stupid. Also, Eddie is with them.”

At that, Stan looks back to the shore. Sure enough, Eddie is standing a few feet away in the damp sand with crossed arms. It’s then that Stan notices Eddie’s things in the chair beside his own.

“Y-Yeah, Rich isn’t gonna swim too far with Eddie, especially since Eddie’s never been to the beach,” Bill speaks up.

“All the more reason for him to go to the sandbar,” Stan says. He knows Richie. But so do Bill and Mike. They also know Eddie. If he isn’t doesn’t want to go to the sandbank, they won’t; but if he does… Stan doesn’t think about that. At least, he tries not to. He doesn’t need to become so worrisome so early. “But, really, how strong are the rip currents?”

“They’re there but not too strong,” Ben says from a few feet away. “Only thing we gotta worry about is the possible storm that’s coming in. Heard some locals talking about it.”

All of them make faces of disappointment. “That sucks,” Mike mutters. “Well. Better make the most of it while we can!” And then he’s slipping off his own shirt and racing to the ocean like some sort of model.

Stan stares for a moment. He’s expecting himself to blush deeply and feel the familiar fast beating of his heart and a swarm butterflies in his chest. And he does. Except it’s not as strong as he distinctly remembers it being two days ago. As he slips off his shirt, Stan thinks to himself. Well, he tries to, because those feelings towards Mike certainly aren’t as strong as they had been and—

And then Richie is running up to him.

Stan yells as Richie wraps his arms around him, throwing the boy over his shoulder. Stan tried to push himself away. “Richie, let me go! Rich- Ben! Hey, help me, please! Richie, I am going to drown you!”

Richie laughs. “No you won’t!”

“Sorry, Stan!”

“Richard! I will— .”

Richie lets go and Stan falls into the ocean. As a wave goes passed them, Stan makes a move to his friend but then Eddie is tackling the lanky boy into the water. It’s a familiar sight. Except this time, instead of the green and calm waters of the quarry, it’s in the choppy and blue waters of the ocean. Stan snorts, then stumbles as a weight is on his back, water splashing into his face thanks to Eddie. He spits out the salt water with a look of disgust.

“Sorry, Stan,” Bev laughs in his ear, repeating Ben’s words.

He hummed. “No, you’re not.”

She laughs again and slides off. “You’re right, I’m not. I was trying to knock you over.”

Stan turns and playfully glares at her, paired with his middle finger. “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you!” Bev retaliates with, still smiling.

“Fuck b-both of you!” Bill shouts and does what Bev couldn’t. He knocks Stan over, but brings Bev with them both.

Stan kicks Bill away underwater before popping above the surface again. He’s smiling, though; he’s happy to be with his friends, and he notices that the more fun he’s having the less he’s worried about something going wrong. So, he keeps at it. He jumps with the waves, and they play chicken the best to their abilities. Ben eventually joins them, joining in on the fun.

At some point, Stan ends up holding Richie like a baby. He looks down at his friend with a raised eyebrow. “Why.”

Richie shrugs. He situates his arms and hands around Stan’s neck better. Stan rolls his eyes and lets go, but Richie lets out a small shout and scrambles to wrap himself around Stan like a koala, refusing to touch the ground. Stan stands there with wide eyed, arms spread out. He looks over at their friends. Bev and Bill went to the sandbar. They’re standing over there, pushing each other around like everyone had been earlier. Ben is with Mike, the two closer to the shore. Eddie is close by, floating on his back as he looks at the clouds.

Stan then looks back at Richie. “What the actual fuck, dude.”

“I am not stepping in the sand,” Richie says hurriedly and quietly.

“What?” Sometimes, Stan doesn’t understand Richie. This is one of those times. But as he recognizes anxiety on his features, Stan lets the judgement go away. “Richie, seriously, you’re making me worry.”

“Okay. Don’t freak out,” Richie starts.

Stan tenses up. “Oh, my God, there’s a shark, isn’t there?”

“No! No, if there was, the lifeguard people would’ve told us to get out by now. But…”

“Richie, I swear to fucking—.”

“There is a stingray.”

Stan takes a breath. He’s ready to scream out a ‘what’ but before he can, Richie is covering his mouth with one hand and glaring at him. It comes out muffled.

“I said not to freak out,” he hisses.

Stan bats Richie’s hand away. “Not freak out?” He repeats. “About a fucking stin—?”

“I don’t want Eddie to find out,” Richie rushes out in a whisper and motions to his crush. “He’s having fun.”

And, that’s true. Eddie’s not simply floating and looking at the clouds anymore. Instead, he’s just swimming around with Mike, and diving into the bigger waves to avoid them crashing on him. Stan sighs and looks at Richie.

“And, like, stingrays aren’t that dangerous, we just can’t step on them. But he won’t listen to that, he’ll just freak out, and I don’t want that.”

“Then why tell me? Why even bring it up?”

“Because I think I just discovered a new fear.”

Stan bites his tongue and tries not to laugh. He really tried to hold it in, but the laughter bubbles out anyway. Richie’s frowning, almost pouting, and it just causes Stan to laugh harder. “I’m- shit, I’m sorry, but. Richie. Seriously?”

“It’s rational!” He defends himself.

“I know! But this is so ironic. You’re basically doing what you don’t want Eddie to do.”

“...No I’m not.”

“Then get down.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Wha- Ah!”

Stan cuts Richie off by shoving him off and into the water. In an instant, Stan is swimming away as fast as he can. Richie yells at him but Stan ignores it, and jumps behind Mike.

“Mike, move!”

Mike doesn’t move. He stands there, thoroughly confused. “Why?”

Eddie looks between them all, amused. Dark hair flat on his forehead, the ends curly slightly now that whatever product he puts in has been washed out thanks to the ocean water. No one says anything as Richie lunges to jump over Mike. He fails terribly. He doesn’t even get over Mike; his arms and chin land awkwardly on his left shoulder as Mike catches him, and Stan swims backwards a little bit.

“Dude, what’s going on?” Mike asks with a laugh.

“He shoved me into the water!”

“We’ve been doing that, Rich,” Eddie says. “Idiot.”

Richie moves away from Mike and huffs. He grumbles something none of them can hear and fixes his glasses – something that everyone is very surprised that he hasn’t lost yet.

It doesn’t take long at all for Richie to get distracted by Eddie. Stan looks around. The clouds are darkening the slightest bit, but other than that the weather hasn’t exactly changed. He then looks in the water. Richie’s comment about there being a stingray makes him wonder if being in the water is a danger. He doesn’t say anything about it, though, especially with Eddie close by. He truly is having fun, and other than a rant on the way to the beach about the different germs that could possibly be in the ocean, Eddie hasn’t freaked out much over anything. So, Stan just stands a bit straighter, which catches Mike’s attention.

“Are you leaving me?” Mike asks, feigning a pout.

Stan glances away from his face for a moment. Yeah, his crush is still there, alright; the feelings just aren’t as strong as they have been. “I’m getting too pruney,” Stan says, rather than mention the anxiety Richie accidentally planted in his head about the oceanic wildlife. He lifts his hands out of the water as if to show a point.

Mike nods. “Alright. I’ll herd everyone in to get something to eat in a few.”

Stan gives him a small smile. Then, he’s going to shore and he makes his way to the chairs, careful not to get too much sand on him on the walk back. He grabs his towel once he’s there and wraps it around himself. Ben is sitting in one of the chairs that’s out in the sun, flipping through one of Bev’s fashion magazines extra carefully so he doesn’t ruin the pages. Stan doesn’t want to abandon his friends – you’re not abandoning them, the rational part of his brain chastises, barely heard over the thoughts diving into what might happen if someone got stung by a stingray – but at least Ben is with him.

+++

Two hours later – after eating some snacks and drinking water and putting more sunscreen on – a few of the Losers go back into the water while the rest stay by the rental chairs and umbrellas. Eddie is passed out in the sun as he lays on his stomach, his towel between his body and the sand, and Bev sits in the chair beside him, sunglasses over her eyes as she soaks in the sun. Stan lays under one of the umbrellas, the chair leaning all the way back, with a towel over his head and face as he sleeps too. Then there are Bill, Ben, Mike, and Richie. The four of them went back in the water the moment they were able to, and went back to the sandbar once Stan fell asleep, and now they’re back, looking for seashells and sand dollars blindly since they don’t have goggles.

Bill sucks in a deep breath of air and squeezes his eyes shut before diving back into the water. Blindly, he digs around in the sand as long as he can, staying under water until his lungs are burning for oxygen. He pops above the surface with a gasp of air and shakes his head as if he were a dog. Ben comes up a second later, doing the same thing, but pushes his hair from his forehead unlike Bill.

“Anything?” Richie asks, glasses gone. Mike made sure he left the glasses with the others, and the three boys take turns making sure the boy doesn’t do anything stupid or harmful with his blurry sight.

“It’s hard,” Ben says with a shake of his head. He lifted up a severely broken seashell. “Without any goggles, we aren’t gonna find anything good.”

Bill frowns and takes the broken seashell from Ben. “I mean, it’s still pretty,” he tries.

Richie rolls his eyes. “We’re missing three-fourths of it, dude.”

“How can you tell? You’re fucking blind without your glasses!”

“Billiam, I can still see shapes, you dumbass.”

“Oh, right.”

They all laugh.

None of them stay in the water for too long after that. Bill quickly notes the darkening sky and clouds, but doesn’t say anything about it. He knows everyone else can see it, as well as the locals who are starting to leave despite the day not being over at all. They soon get to their other friends again, and they take their towels from where they left them and start to dry off.

Bill turns to where Richie stands. He’s about to ask if they have any other plans for the day, but stops as he realizes the teen is staring intently at something. Bill moves to stand beside him and follows Richie’s line of sight. Two girls around their age stand not so far away, holding hands, smiling. It’s clear that they’re together romantically and Bill can’t help but be surprised that they’re being even the slightest couple-y out in the open like this. He hears Richie sigh, so he looks back at his friend and watches as Richie fosses his towel on his head, attempting to dry his wild mess of hair.

“You okay, bro?” Bill asks.

Richie shrugs. He lifts his head, the towel only allowing the other to see the bottom half of his face. His lips curl into a goofy smile. “Never better, Billiam!”

Bill slowly nods. He lays a hand on Richie’s shoulder and squeezes it, a silent touch of comfort. He removes it soon after and goes to step away, to give him some space, but halts as they both notice that a girl is walking their way. The friends share a look once Richie pulls off the towel. He fixes his glasses.

“I saw your staring at that couple,” she says. She has blonde hair and bright green eyes, and she looks less than pleased.

“Uh–.”

“Have something to say about it?”

Richie holds his palms up after setting the towel around his neck. “Whoa, blondie, you got the wrong idea here,” he tells her.

She lifts a brow. “Do I?”

Bill nods. “Y-Yeah! It’s not- we weren’t-.”

“Weren’t what?” Blondie asks. “I know their relationship might not seem okay in the eyes of the majority, but that doesn’t give you a right to stare.”

That takes the boys by surprise. They both quickly start to talk, voices overlapping. Richie tries to explain that he’s not, that he’s very much into boys, but he doesn’t exactly want to out himself to the stranger so not much of anything came out. Bill tries to tell the girl that he doesn’t have a problem with gays and lesbians and bisexuals and everything else, but at the accusation has him stuttering a bit too much.

“What did you two do now?” comes the exasperated question from one of their friends.

Richie perks up and turns. “Eds! Tell this girl we aren’t homophobic!”

Eddie blinks, taken by surprise. “Uh. What? I mean!” His eyes widened dramatically at the girl’s unimpressed look. “I mean, yeah, we- we- none of us are like that. I ho- I think.”

Blondie looks even more unimpressed. “You think?” she asks.

Eddie nervously chuckles. “Yes?”

Bill facepalms.

Richie winces, but he quickly recovers with a sigh and looks to the girl again. “Listen, I’m sorry for staring. I come from a small town, we all do,” he motions vaguely to his friends behind them, not paying too much attention, “so seeing same-sex couples aren’t exactly a norm for us. Just, please, trust us that we’re not like that. I shouldn’t have stared, so. Sorry.”

Bill nods along. “I- It was rude. I’m sorry too,” he says.

The blonde’s brows knit together. “It’s alright,” she eventually tells them. “Mistakes happen. I just know those girls. They’ve been through a lot shit and are finally in a good place. I don’t want anything ruining that.”

Bill smiles. “That’s alright,” he says. His gaze shifts over to Richie, but quickly moves to Eddie instead. His expression is unreadable. “It’s not f-fair how the world s-s-sees same-sex couples,” he says and looked back at the blonde.

Eddie shifts in the sand, arms crossed over his chest as he keeps his gaze down. He mumbles something but none of them catch it.

Blondie nods sadly. “It really isn’t.” She smiles. “I’m Sandy, by the way.”

“I’m Bill.”

“Richie,” the lanky teen introduces himself with a wide grin. “And that’s Eds.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Eddie,” he corrects with a small glare to Richie. There is no heat behind the action, and Richie just grins some more. “It’s nice to meet you, Sandy. Sorry about them being dumbasses.”

Sandy laughs. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you’re not homophobic, that it was just a misunderstanding.”

“So… Do you like sand?” Richie asks.

Lightning goes across the sky in the distance right then and it’s followed by a crack of thunder.

“I think the universe wants you to shu- shut up,” Bill teases, making Eddie and Sandy both laugh.

The laughter gets cut off as drops nod rain start to fall. It starts off as slow but then in a blink of an eye, the rain pours down harshly. More lightning goes across the sky, and the thunder is louder this time around. The Losers scramble to gather their belongings.

“Shit,” Bill hears Sandy mutter. She rushes up to the group. “Can you drive me home? I walked here.”

Mike nods instantly. “Of course. Care to help us get our things to the van?”

Sandy nods in return and grabs whatever she can. Then, they all run.

+++

They end up all staying at Sandy’s home. The Losers, after they all made it safely to the van and squished in like a can of sardines, explain to Sandy their road trip and how, right now, they didn’t have a place to stay other than the van. She quickly offered her home, said her parents wouldn’t mind, and so they went.

Richie suddenly wants a hotel room. Sandy’s home isn’t bad. It’s actually rather on the bigger side; there is a second floor, along with a basement, and there’s a balcony on the second floor as well. The living room is huge, there are two guest rooms, they have two TVs, and the kitchen isn’t too small. It’s rather that her parents are two women and after getting over the initial shock and awe and the want to bow down to them, in comes the dreaded panic of his own sexuality.

He knows he’s bisexual. He knows he likes Eddie. He knows boys liking boys isn’t exactly a good thing to a society. He knows seeing Sandy’s moms be affectionate to one another – way more affectionate than the couple he stared at on the beach – has an effect on him he doesn’t expect. All he can think about is him and Eddie, and truthfully Richie wants to combust. The women are so close and loving, and they’re sweet and kind, and the looks they give each other makes Richie realize he might give those looks to Eddie without realizing it, and it…

It’s scary, simply put.

He can handle liking Eddie. He can’t handle the realization that he might be in love with Eddie.

Barb and Diane share a quick peck in the kitchen before Barb walks out. Richie quickly looks away from Diane before she can catch him staring and goes back to eating the pizza.

“You okay?” Ben asks from across the table.

Other than Diane, who is making sure the third dozen pizza doesn’t burn in the oven, they’re the only two in the kitchen. Stan is down in the basement with Sandy, Bill and Beverly, while Eddie is taking a shower, and Mike is currently using the home phone in the hallway to talk to his parents.

Richie nods, but doesn’t say anything.

Ben frowns as he chews. Thankfully, he doesn’t press on the matter.

“Oh, pizza!” Eddie excitedly yells as he enters the kitchen.

Richie whips his head to the entrance of the kitchen. Eddie’s hair is damp, the ends curling since he has yet to put product in it. A few strands still stuck to his forehead. The sun today, despite it being cloudy, Richie realizes, did the shorter boy some good. He’s already tanner. The sun exposure has already caused a few freckles to show up, and his cheeks and nose may be a little pink but they all know it isn’t something to worry about. Eddie always seems to burn slightly before getting really tan; it freaks Sonia out, and for a bit of time Eddie wore long sleeves even during the summer time because his mother worried about him getting skin cancer. Now, he doesn’t.

Richie suddenly stands and picks his plate up. A piece of cheese pizza sits on it, untouched. “There’s no more cheese left,” he explains and hands Eddie his.

Eddie takes it, albeit hesitant. “Did you do something to it…?”

He smirks. “Yes, I replaced the sauce with my spit.”

“Richie!”

“I’m joking! Geez, Eds.” He laughs slightly and messes up Eddie’s hair, earning another shout. Truthfully, Richie reached up to push some hair from Eddie’s face, but decided messing it up is the better way to go. “Go eat so we don’t have to deal with your hangry gremlin side.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Stop comparing me to those ugly things.”

“But they’re cute! Just like you!”

“Fuck off,” he mumbles, and gently punches Richie’s arm as he walks by.

Richie rubs the spot with a smile he knows is full of fondness. But it drops as he realizes that Diane is subtly watching them, and he straightens a bit. He clears his throat and leaves the kitchen as quickly as possible without it looking weird. He makes his way to the basement and falls face first into the small couch against the wall, ignoring the short pause in conversation the other four are having as he did so.

“You’re subdued today.”

Richie shrugs but doesn’t move at Stan’s statement.

Stan sighs. He sits on the floor by the couch and when he speaks, it’s low so Sandy and Bev don’t overhear. “Is it about Eddie?”

“I’ve got it bad,” Richie mutters back. He shifts around so he’s looking at his friend. “Like, mega bad. I don’t even think it’s just a crush anymore.”

Stan smiles. “Congratulations,” he whispers, “you finally realized your own feelings.”

“It’s not a good thing.”

The rips Stan’s smile away. “What? Why? I thought seeing her aunts would make things better.”

Richie shrugs. “It does, a little. Still scary.”

Stan pats his friend’s back in comfort. “I’m sorry, Rich.”

“How’s your crush going?” Richie asks after a few moments of silence, but makes sure that he did it quietly so the others can’t hear.

His best friend shrugs. “I think it’s actually starting to go away,” Stan says honestly.

Richie stuffs his face into the cushion again and groans. It just causes Stan to laugh a little, both out of pity and amusement. He pats Richie’s back again and then stands up.

“Alright. Play pool with me, it’ll cheer you up.” When Richie doesn’t move, Stan sighs. “That’s an order, Richard.”

This causes Richie to move. He sits up and smirks, and Stan's previously amused face falls. “Oh, bossy. Just how I like it!”

“Nevermind. Rot into the couch.”

TAG LIST:  @samanthador1205 @snapmyneckandcallmeloki @eddiekazier @burningpersonflapsuitcase

[mythologymonsterlover]

Male! Vampire boyfriend

This story was pretty fun to make, and I liked how this Monster boyfriend turned out to be! 

Warning: cussing, sexual content

Female reader X Male monster

My feet hit the ground as fast as my legs can move. My breath is coming out ragged, and my stomach feels like it’s about to come out my mouth. I keep running not looking back behind me, since that's my past not present moment. My vision become blurry and i’m sure to lose consciousness at any moment. This has to be the end of me. Yet, before I could lose it totally the coach blows the whistle. “Alright, times up runners!” I collapse on the ground, not having the strength to keep my body up. My friends rush over to help me stand and I’m more than grateful to feel their arms around me. “You did awesome!” Lucy says excitedly while wrapping her big arms around my neck, and Tom has to yank her off so I can breathe again. “Lucy chill! She just finished running!” I let out a breathless laugh as both of them start to quarrel over who is right or wrong. My friends have been here for me since my mother died, and knowing that they both look out for me each day is a blessing. Ever since I decided to do track for our final year of high school, they both supported my goals. It’s been so much fun to be able to move my restless body to be more active. I’ve been running since I was a little girl, and I felt the need to join the team ever since our first year. My teammate's are a little dysfunctional, but we all look after one another so it makes everything alright. This was actually my first day of training, and Tom and Lucy came to cheer me on. I managed to finally get enough air into my lungs to finally speak to them. “Hey, since I’m done for today, let’s get something to eat.” Both stop arguing and look at me, and with big smiles on their faces, they nod their heads. I laugh happily while I tell them to wait so I can get my stuff. When I get to my locker door I see one of my teammates also grabbing his stuff. His name is Eddie, and even though he's quiet, he is the strongest in the team. I look at him once and he nods his head but turns around back to his stuff. As I grab everything I need, I feel a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I see Eddie staring me down with a blank expression. “Oh, uh, what’s up Ed?” I say casually, and he leans down to my ear making me flinch at his closeness. He usually is very reserved, not even speaking to anyone, so this makes me feel weird. “Be careful.” He says, and I back away while looking at him confused. We stare at each other silently, without saying a word. Then just as suddenly, he heads out the door leaving me more stunned. What the hell was that about? I just shake my head, not really sure what to think. I don’t want to stand here all day, so I head out to see my friends. They both grin at me, and I smile back not really sure if I should share with them what just happened. Over a couple of minutes of walking away from the building, I decide I should just drop it since I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing. Ed was probably just trying to say have a good day, in his own weird way... We decided to eat at Subway, and I ordered my usual. We talk about how the school year is gonna be hard work and the gossip we heard recently. Tom then went on to talk about Ed, and that’s when me and Lucy stopped eating. Sighing, I already know where this is going to lead. “I’m telling you, that Eddie is a creep!..The other kids say his homeless because he ran away from home..” Tom eats while saying this, but looks at me for a reaction. Lucy intervenes though with a shrug of her shoulders, and continues with what she was saying to distract him. “Er...Anyways! I learned today that one of the sophomores pranked a teacher by putting balloons all over the classroom!” I laugh at knowing full well who did it, but Tom shake his head and looks away from me. I know what Tom is trying to do, but to be honest it’s not helpful. Him and Eddie never really got along, and because of that it always put tension between the two of them. He especially got angrier when I talk to Eddie and joined the same team with him. Me and Lucy got away from the subject by talking about funny stuff, which Tom totally loves to hear. After we eat and calm down the tension in the air, we all headed back to our homes to call it a day. Lucy was the first one to be dropped off from the bus, and then Tom. I waved him goodbye, and he waved back but with a look of a strange longing in his eyes. It made me feel uncomfortable, but he eventually went off as the doors closed. I looked at him through the window, and as the bus drives off he disappeared around the corner.

…

When I made it home, I was utterly exhausted from such a long day. I went into the shower first, and after that straight to bed. My room was filled with pictures of mom, friends, and dad. When I looked at them, it brought a sense of relief that was hard to feel in my day to day life. I never knew why, but when I use to see dad and mom together I especially felt wholesome. letting my thoughts dissolve as my body wraps around the blankets, I slowly make myself more sleepy. I was losing consciousness fast, until I heard a knock at my door. I get up with irritation from being disturbed, but force myself to walk from my room to the door. I look through the keyhole, and I stop myself from breathing for a moment. Their on the other side is...Tom? I shake my head in confusion, not understanding why the hell his here so late at night. “Umm..Tom? Is that you?” I say while backing away from the door. I hear a deep laugh, and he responds with a, “Duh, yeah?” I let out a sigh not knowing what to do, since dad isn’t home at the moment to keep me company. I know Tom though, he wouldn’t do anything to me. Sure he's been acting strange, but he would never hurt me. Knowing that I’m safe, I unlock the door to let him in. “Geez, took you long enough!” He says playfully, and walks over to sit on my couch. I just laugh sheepishly, still not knowing what his doing here. I go into the kitchen to make us some drinks, thinking he's probably thirsty. I was bringing the glasses out when a sudden loud bang came from the door. I almost drop the cups as I rush over to see what just happened. I hear Tom run from the couch to stand beside me, and he looks really irritated. “Tom, did you invite Lucy over as well?” I ask, my voice shaking with fear as the door keeps being pounded on. He looks at me for a moment, and I notice his eyes look weird. They almost look...Red? I was gonna ask whats wrong with his eyes, but before I could, the door flies off its hinges. We both ducked in time as the door is thrown through my hallway, and lands on the other side of the wall. I then hear a small growl from next to me, and when I look over, I see it’s coming from Tom. Shocked, I notice he doesn’t look like himself anymore, but a monster. He developed fur, sharp teeth, and red beady eyes that glow brightly. I scream while backing away, and as I look over to the door frame I see another guy looking down at us. Not just any guy though, but Eddie. He looks like a giant bat but stronger, furrier, bigger, and his eyes simmer with so much hate that I freeze in complete utter fear. Wh-What the hell is going on?! The person I think is Tom, lunges toward him on all fours with incredible speed. Eddie snarls as Tom jumps at him, causing them both to fall to the ground rolling. I sit their terrified as they both bite, scratch, roll around, and punch each other in the face. Not being able to handle what’s happening anymore, I close my eyes and huddle my body into a tight ball. I don’t know how long I stayed like that, an hour or so, until I heard the fight stop from a single crack. Everything went silent, and I start to sob hysterically as I knew that one of them must have broken the other's neck. I was ready to get up and run, even though my legs felt like jello. Yet, before I could a hand was on my back. it caused me to cry all over again, and I forced myself to not shake. I felt two hands go underneath me and i’m lifted up into strong arms. I keep my eyes closed, as I don’t want to look at the creature carrying me. It walks down my hallway into my room, as I feel it lay me down on my bed. Then it laid down next to me. I felt the creature wrap it's strong arms around my waist. We both stay silent for such a long time, I heard my heart pounding. Being finally brave enough, I open my eyes to see a simmering black pair staring at me. It was Eddie. I pulled away to look at him fully, and could see the blood an the scars on his body. Our eyes locked and I could see his sadness. It made me feel sympathy yet strong fear of him at the same time. “What- why, did you kill Tom?” I whisper, feeling like I was his next victim. He lets go of me as he moves to sit on the corner of the bed. He looks human again, and I notice his hair to his shoulders look beautiful, and his dark skin shines brightly against the moonlight. Finally I hear him sigh, and he turned his body to face me. “Tom was going to kill you.” He simply states. I feel my heart stop beating for a moment, and new tears fall down my cheek. Was he telling me the truth, or was he just trying to lie to me? Why would Tom of all people try and kill me? “Why would he try and kill me Eddie!?” I raise my voice, feeling anger at his words. Yet Eddie just shakes his head, and with a forlorn look he shuts his eyes while getting up to leave. “Wait, where are you going!?” I yell after him, but know it’s useless since I can't even chase him while i’m shaking in fear. When he finally goes down to the front door, he turns to glance at me one last time. Without saying a word, he disappears right at the spot. I was left there alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company.

…

Weeks go by after the incident with Tom and Eddie. Tom’s family just disappears and I assume it’s because they don’t want to be discovered, or never existed. As for Eddie he hasn’t shown up to school for weeks now. Me and Lucy morn for our dead friend, and I refuse to tell her the truth. I refuse to tell anyone actually the real truth of how Tom died. My father ask how the door broke down, and I had to lie and say I didn’t know. It feels crazy for me to lie, but it’s crazier to tell the truth since no one will believe me. It consumes at me every night, day, and I’ve been losing weight from not wanting to eat anymore. However, this night strangely, I find flowers next to my window. I asked my dad if he left them there, and he said no with a very confused look on his face. Soon, it’s not just flowers that are left there but jewelry, stuffed toys, and sometimes candy bars each night. I wanna laugh at what I get, but the feeling of dread for my dead friend drains me more. One day in particular, I was walking home alone when I saw a figure under a streetlight. Not even a half a block away from the person, I knew it was Eddie. My anger rises up throughout my being, and I have to control myself to not yell at him. “Where have you been Eddie?” I say being right in his face, and he looks at me with a blank stare. He straightens up his posture though and puts his hands in his pocket. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around, and I’m sorry about your friend, Tom..” he looks down while saying all this to my face, and I just let out a small laugh not believing this shit. “Sorry is not gonna fix it, you need to explain everything to me, now!” He keeps his eyes cast down, but he nods his head and turns to walk down the street. I hesitate for a moment knowing I should have called the police, but I follow him down a couple of blocks until we're right in front of an old broken house. It's gray, and it’s windows are dirty with years of neglect. We walked through the door - well, what’s left of it anyways - and go down to a single room. There in the room is a bed, a couch, and a desk with a lamp on it. “Go ahead and sit wherever you like; are you hungry?” Eddie says, and I shake my head while walking over to sit in the chair at the desk. He shrugs, and lays down on the messy bed. “I guess you want to know the full story, right?” I nod in response, and that’s when he begins to speak. Apparently, The Tom I knew died a year ago. The last time I saw what looked like Tom was actually a creature called a changeling. These type of changelings go after people with strong hearts, and I was apparently one of them. Eddie knew from the beginning that the old Tom was gone, and he knew this because of his sensitive smelling, that only vampires have. Others like him hunt down bad spirits and evil creatures that try to eat humans for their life source. By doing so he earn an income, and free governmental protection. I barely hear what he says after that as my head feels like it will burst. He eventually notices my face, and can tell I’m not buying any of this shit. “ I’m not lying to you, in fact, I can show you.” Eddie stands up from the bed, and he does something that makes my skin crawl. He grabs a knife from under his bed, and he cuts down his arm. He leaves a severe laceration and a trail of blood pours down. “Stop that, what are you doing?!” Startled, I get up and grab the knife out of his hand, throwing it out the window. He just looks at me annoyed, and rubs the back of his neck. “Well, that was rude of you.” I was about to slap him across his damn face for saying that, but before I could he held out his arm to me. I could see that the arm he hurt was all healed up in a matter of seconds. It’s was like he never even cut himself at all. I slump back in the desk chair while rubbing my temple between my eyes. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

…

After that day I visit Eddie more, and we talk about other creatures that are out to kill people. He tells me usually to mind my own business, and it’s not safe to get me involved. Yet my friend did died a year ago from a paranormal creature, so I tell him it is my damn business. Since he can’t get rid of me, we usually go out patrolling during the night to see if there’s any monsters out. I actually start thinking he's kinda cute - even though he can be a jackass - his kinda sweet. During the day he shows up to school again, and I usually sit with him during lunchtime. Lucy doesn’t really understand why I’m doing this, but she started to join us during lunch as well. Tonight I was thinking of bringing him some dinner since the last time I checked his fridge, he had only old take out. I decided to come unexpectedly, because I wanted to surprise him. I walk to his front door and unlock it with a key he gave me. As I stepped inside I see that all his clothes are on the floor. Rolling my eyes, I picked them up and carry them to his bedroom. I call out his name a couple times, but Eddie doesn’t respond. I was starting to feel a little worried, until I heard water splashing upstairs. Not really surprised, I walk up to where the bathroom was and saw that the door was halfway open… I see him fully naked, and he doesn't look human any longer but his furry monster bat form. He has his head hanging back, and I look down his body to where his hands are resting at. I have to clasp my hands over my mouth to stop myself from gasping. He growls under his breath as he keeps moving his big hands up and down his dick. I feel bashful from seeing him like this, and as quietly as possible I go back downstairs. Walking to his room now feels very strange, as my body makes me painfully aware of how turn on I am. I wish I hadn’t seen that, but I try my best to calm down for it to not show. The minutes goes by until I hear footsteps come down the stairs. Eddie opens the door, and when I make eye contact with him I feel myself melt all over again. Their, with only a towel around his waist, I see his defined muscles on his stomach and arms. He has an average build, but with how the water makes his skin shine I have to look away. Timidity, I smile up at him to cover my shot out nerves. “Hey Ed! What took you so long?” Eddie nods his head at my response and looks at the door behind him. He then looks back at me, and he gives me a look that makes me gulp. “You saw me, didn’t you?” Eddy says in a low, but surprised voice as he walks to where I’m sitting. I flinch as he sits right up next to me. His so close even that water droplets fall on my pants. I could also smell the shampoo from his body, which is a mix between his man smell and strawberry smell. I feel my hands tightened around the sheets as my core heats up. I can’t even look him in the eyes anymore. “Well, it wasn’t on purpose…” I managed to lie forcefully, and I get up to walk away. However, I don't get that far as he wraps his arm around my waist and drags me down to the bed again. He leans over me, and our faces are only inches apart. “Do you know why I was masturbating?”  His gruffly voice closes into my ear, and I can’t even speak but shake my head. Eddie smirks, and I feel one of his strong hands go on my leg to my skirt. “I was thinking of you..” he says finally before placing his lips on mine. I feel myself melt under his touch when his hand goes all the way into my underwear, fingering my most sensitive spot. My breath comes out in shudders as I grind on his hand.  “Ed..” I mummer out, gripping his hair as he trails down his kisses to my stomach. Soon instead of hair, I feel fur underneath my hand. I look at Eddie to see he transformed into his bat self again, which is frightening but attractive at the same time to me. His eyes are all black now, and his fur shines a deep night sky color that I find breathtaking. His ears are pink and pointy, as well as his little snout. I hear him growl as I buck my hips, and he responds by grabbing my sides down with a strong grip. He looks me in the eyes as he moves up slowly to my face, and something heavy dropped on my stomach. His shaft is as big as half my arm, and seeing it vainly lines makes me want to touch it. I reach out, and hold his cock in both my hands and pump it up at a slow pace. “Ahhh..shit..” Eddie mummer now with a gravelly voice, and he bucks his hips to reply to my motions. Feeling my core ache, I can’t hold back any longer and move down his shaft to my pussy. Feeling my wetness make his shaft slippery, I lay my hands on his chest and ease on his dick carefully, taking my time to stretch myself out. Once I’m situated, he pushes deep inside with a thrust that causes me to scream, and before I can recover he thrust into me again. My insides feel like mush as our skin slaps together in the room making it echo off the wall. Eddie puts me on my stomach and rest his claws up against the wall. He then brings down his face to mine to say possessive words into my ears. “Your mine now, do you understand? You can’t ever leave me..” He thrust inside deeper, and my body shakes uncontrollably as my vision turns white. “E-Ed…!” I cry out, feeling my climax consume me as I cum all over his dick. Soon Ed moves at a rugged pace and with a low growl, I feel his cum all inside me. He bites my neck then, leaving a vivid red mark to mark me as his own. I lay down on the bed for awhile, not being able to move my aching legs. He gently pulls me down to lay beside his hairy body. While curling up, he shrinks back to his human self. “Are you okay?” He nuzzles my neck, and I pat his head with a lazy smile. “I’m more than okay.” giggling, I wrap my arms around his neck keeping our bodies close. “Will you stay with me, my lover?” He said hesitantly, and not feeling the energy to talk I just kissed his mouth, letting him know I’m more than happy to be his forever.

[buddiebeginz]

Some ranting about IT Chapter 2 (warning spoilers)

Before I get to the main bulk of my rant if you haven’t seen IT yet and are planning to please beware that there’s a very real feeling scene of violence against gay men in the opening which can and probably will be triggering.

There’s also a lot of homophobia, homophobic slurs, fat shaming, and some serious triggers for suicide in the beginning and at the end.

I saw IT Chapter 2 recently (like pretty much everyone) it’s rare for me to see a remake though especially a remake of a movie I still love so much and is tied to a lot of childhood nostalgia for me. I thought the first one (from 2017) was okay it certainly had it’s flaws but it at least is watchable and felt like the makers were trying. So when the trailers came out for the second I was actually pretty excited to see it. I thought maybe Chapter 2 will be a little better than how the 90’s version handled the adult stuff which tbh got a little clunky especially in the last act. So I went into the movie with some higher than normal expectations for a remake but perhaps that was one of my problems to begin with. There were definitely some issues I didn’t expect though. I expected there to be too much cgi: there definitely was. I expected certain characters to not get fleshed out enough like in Chapter 1: which definitely happened again with Mike and Stan. But I did not expect what happened during the opening scene of the movie at all.

If you haven’t seen the movie there’s this long gratuitous scene of two gay men getting brutally beaten by a group of guys until one of the men is thrown over a bridge and then killed by Pennywise. I’ve never read the book but I heard that the basis for this scene comes from there but I still definitely feel it wasn’t necessary. I heard that Stephen King included it his book to put further emphasis on how we’re all capable of doing really dark things and how IT wasn’t the only monster people can be monsters too but the thing is none of that was made clear in the movie. IT Chapter 2 doesn’t feel like a movie that’s really trying to make you think for the most part either it feels like every other horror movie being made lately. The threw the bashing scene in there for pure shock value as far as I’m concerned.

In the 90’s film they made it a point to talk about how the evil of IT was like a plague infecting the town especially the adults. There was one scene where Bev is telling the group about something she had experienced when she was younger, when Henry and his gang were groping her and some old man saw that she needed help but just walked in his house. Bev said that was when she knew they (the adults) were all IT in some way. If the remake had done a better job of highlighting stuff like that then maybe I could understand the opening scene but on it’s own it was just gratuitous violence that would have played just as well had they had Pennywise attack them without the horrible bashing scene first. I’ve seen some people argue that well it was in the book so there shouldn’t be any issue with it being in the movie but apart from the stuff I pointed above I just don’t think we need to add more lgbtq violence to media unless that media is explicitly saying something with it and even then less is more. For one thing it literally used to be the law that lgbtq characters weren’t allowed to have a happy ending in movies so the majority of lgbtq characters in media were beaten, killed, killed themselves, watched their partners or love interests die, or just ended up sad and alone. For another we lgbtq people experience enough violence on a day to day bias both personally, in media, and in the news that unless it’s serving a purpose for mindful storytelling no movie or tv show actually needs to show lgbtq characters getting brutalized especially if it’s because of their sexuality or gender. One of my other issues was how they handled Richie. Now I’m genuinely happy for you Richie and Eddie shippers. I’m glad you guys got some cannon confirmation of your ship and of Richie’s sexuality. And I’m sorry that you lost a character you really care about I know how that feels. ❤️ Still I have issue with them making Richie gay. Not because I don’t want more lgbtq representation or because I don’t think Richie could have been gay. It’s just the way it was all handled. If they were going to go through the trouble of deviating from the book and changing a main characters sexuality I think they should have taken more care with how it was done. I mostly feel like they made Richie gay because it got them a lot of attention and I assume they probably heard about people shipping him with Eddie which it’s fine if they wanted to make fans happy but all they did was give us another lgbtq character with a tragic ending.

We ended up with more homophobic dialogue in Richie’s flashback (adding to the homophobic slurs used in the beginning of the movie from the bashing). Richie also was never even able to come out to his friends and he had to watch the man he loved die. I get that not every character gets a happy ending (nor would I want them all to) but back to what I said before about how lgbtq characters were never even allowed to have happy endings for so long to make Richie gay and then give him such a tragic ending while you have the straight couple (Bev and Ben) with their happily ever after on a boat was just really sad and unnecessary to me.

I know all of you Richie and Eddie shippers will probably disagree with me and that’s fine again I’m not trying to hate on your ship it’s just how I personally feel about the movie. If they were going to make Richie gay it should have been done better he should have at the least been able to come out (even to just one of The Losers) but considering it’s a main stream horror movie I really shouldn’t be surprised that it played out the way it did.

My other issues were with the constant fat shaming even the 90′s film didn’t harp on Ben’s weight as much as the 2017/2019 films have. It got old real quick.

I also felt a little weird about how they wrote Stan and his letter at the end it almost felt like they were trying to glorify his suicide. I remember as a kid watching the 90s film and I never felt like Stan’s suicide was a good thing I felt like it was sad and that maybe IT had gotten to him. In the 2019 version they have this letter where Stan is basically saying if he had come back his heart wouldn’t have been in it so he knew he had to kill himself so the others could succeed. The whole scene where it’s narrated is played out to make it sound like Stan is a hero for what he did. I don’t know... It felt like a pretty dangerous way to frame something like that knowing that a lot of teens are going to see this movie.