#are these going to get progressively more chaotic?? yes

[joshujin]

dude, nice try! masterlist

pairing: joshua x fem!reader status: updates in progress word count: 24k words / ??? genre: strangers to lovers, revenge fic, humor, smau bits original request here

joshua hong has had the immense privilege of living 30 whole years without ever feeling so much as an ounce of jealousy. that is, until you come prancing into his picture-perfect life on your dumb burner account with evidence that his long-time girlfriend is cheating on him… with your boyfriend.

as he gets tangled up in your chaotic plan to get back at your adulterous partners, he begins to wonder if this growing discomfort in his chest was ever even heartbreak to begin with, or if it’s something entirely new to him—something that has the ability to eat him alive from the inside out.

content warnings: cheating (not between main ship), strong language, mentions of sexual activity, implied sexual activity, highly emotional reader, toxic tendencies (i mean. it's revenge.), more to be added as we go

chapters

✦ teaser ✦ part one - 9.4k words ✦ part two - 14.6k words

♫ get him back! olivia rodrigo ⟡ my kink is karma chappell roan ⟡ hot girl bummer blackbear ⟡ womanizer britney spears ⟡ mascara xg ⟡ see u never niki ⟡ good to me seventeen ⟡ is this love xg ⟡ yes or no jungkook ⟡ why can't i? liz phair ⟡ focus h.e.r.⟡ selfish justin timberlake ⟡ pano zack tabudlo ⟡ miss me too griff ⟡ clean taylor swift

credits: divider by @cafekitsune, photos from pinterest (ctto), cover by me

← back to svt masterlist

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

im desi and i love ur fics sm.... lando watching a bollywood movie with reader and then getting addicted to it. and keeps singing it during race week or his streams? it becomes a whole thing.... please.

thursday nights ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

ׂ╰┈➤ ln x desi!reader ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

ׂ╰┈➤ fluff + humour ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

masterlist ☾☼

movie nights were a steady part of your relationship. every thursday night, lando and you would pick a movie and watch through those netflix chrome extension thingies. lando insisted on doing it on thursdays, because media day was always way more exhausting for him than the actual races. the two of you took turns every week on choosing the movie. you, being desi, would usually something indian, opting for comedy films to ease lando's mind.

since it was the off season, you and lando were cuddled up on the couch, with your dinner plates balanced on your laps. this thursday, it was your turn, and you had the perfect movie in mind: chennai express. as the title card flashed on the screen, lando glanced at you, intrigued.

"what's this one about?" he asked, pulling his blanket tighter around him.

"okay, so imagine a guy trying to scatter his grandfather's ashes in south india," you began, "and then getting dragged into this wild adventure with a runaway bride. it's hilarious, it's chaotic, and the best part, it has shah rukh khan."

lando raised an eyebrow. "shah rukh khan? isn't he the guy that you had a crush on when you were younger?"

"yes, but also that i would drop you in a second for him," you said, laughing. "he's also the king of bollywood. trust me, you're going to love this."

"not sure how much i'm gonna love a movie with an actor that my girlfriend would drop me in a second for, but okay," he said dryly.

you laughed.

as the film progressed, lando became hooked. the over-the-top action sequences had him in stitches, and he couldn't stop laughing at rahul's antics, especially his attempts to speak tamil. by the time the musical number, "one, two, three, four, get on the dance floor" came on, lando was bobbing his head to the beat. and when he finally heard "lungi dance", the man was dancing in his seat with you, as you laughed.

"these songs are a vibe!" he declared, grinning at you. "why didn't you tell me bollywood music was this catchy?"

"because you wouldn't have believed me until now," you joked.

by the end of the night, lando was humming "lungi dance" nonstop. you had fallen asleep to him humming the song in your ear, but it put a smile on your face regardless.

of course, by the time, the season began again, you had shown lando many bollywood movies. it got a point, where the man had a bollywood songs playlist of his own which he listened to more than he listened to other playlists.

he didn't know all the words, but the few words he could understand, he was always singing them.

when the season began, you accompanied him to the paddock. as you spoke to one of the hospitality team members, you heard him whistling lungi dance quietly under his breath as he waited for his engineer to turn up. it wasn't long before his colleagues took notice.

"lando, what is that?" oscar asked with amusement and confusion.

"oh, it's from this bollywood movie i watched during the break," lando responded nonchalantly, as if that was no big deal. "you gotta see it. it's called chennai express. absolute masterpiece. i'll send you the movie playlist too, but you'll listen to it enough through the wall,"

days later, lando's obsession with bollywood music was a constant joke among the team. fans picked on it in a live stream when lando, trying to be attentive while playing, began belting out the lyrics of tan tana tan tan aloud.

"wait, what are you singing?" max fewtrell joked.

"it's from a bollywood movie. judwaa," lando said, with perfect pronunciation as he was trained by you, grinning sheepishly. "blame my girlfriend. she's got me hooked, mate,"

"is this already in your playlist?" max asked.

"yeah, yeah. you'd know if you listened to it," lando grumbled.

"mate, it's hard for me to listen to music i don't understand the meaning of!"

"excuses, excuses, max. y/n is gonna be sad,"

max groaned, while lando laughed.

the fandom went wild with it. edits of lando grooving to bollywood beats flooded social media and "lungi dance" became the unofficial anthem for his streams. mclaren played along and sent a clip of lando teaching oscar the steps of gallan goodiyan in the paddock which left everyone guffawing.

it also led to millions of desi fans sending their song and movie recommendations to lando. they began to send him challenges for different dance numbers, questioned him about his bollywood playlist, begged him to sing a particular song during the race.

lando had taken to singing some of the songs while he was driving. he'd randomly switch on the radio, and will and andrea would be ready to listen to whatever feedback lando had to offer, and all that lando would do was sing, "one, two, three, four, get on the dance floor, booty shake, booty shake, na na, hard core,"

it made everyone at the mclaren garage and wall burst out laughing.

the interviewers would ask him about it too, and lando would laugh, and offer to watch the movie with them and explain everything the way you had explained to him.

"you've created a monster," lando said to you one day as he settled into bed beside you, where you were watching edits of him singing different bollywood songs.

"you say it as if you don't love it," you replied, putting your phone down and smiling at your boyfriend.

he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, "i do love it,"

you smiled brightly, pulling at his neck to kiss him once more.

"so, what are we watching tomorrow?" he asked, as he pulled away.

"i was thinking something with more action. singham. we could do a movie marathon if we start early, and watch all the movies in that universe,"

"oh fuck yeah," lando said softly, his body buzzing with excitement, even though his eyes were closing.

"i love you," he said in a sleepy haze.

you pecked his lips once, before repeating the words and watching the way lando's lips curled into a smile.

thursday nights had officially become the highlight of his week.

𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

lemme know what you think! this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)

taglist: @imlonelydontsendhelp ; @greantii ; @anamiad00msday ; @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @nocturnalherb16 ; @justaf1girl ; @peterholland04 ; @phobiccneel ; @winkev1

i'd love your support! https://ko-fi.com/kavi2305

[pedgito]

well, january is finally over. i feel like this month has dragged, but the surplus of fics have kept me going. this one includes a few wildcards (and a lot of smut) that i'm blaming on friends. as always, i can't wait to see what everyone is cooking up as the year progresses!

this key will help you figure out which fics are more your vibe, or if you’re just curious of the contents before you dive in:

smut = 🌶️, fluff = ☁️ angst = ☄️

total fics listed below: 24

✎ — 𝐉𝐎𝐄𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋��𝐑

↝ the warden by @arcanefox207 — 🌶️ (DDDNE, dubcon)

Your hike into the woods doesn’t go as planned when a depraved Game Warden catches you breaking the rules.

↝ hotline to heaven by @chaotic-mystery — 🌶️

An inquisitive man gets more than what he's used to when he pushes the wrong number on a phone sex hotline.

↝ me and the devil by @gracieheartspedro — 🌶️, ☄️ (dubcon)

Joel seeks out revenge on the man who stole from him. He finds you in the process. 

↝ cake by @/wannab-urs — ☄️

You make a cake for Joel on his birthday, but it doesn’t go well. 

↝ father figure by @gutsby — 🌶️

Parents’ Weekend looks a little different this year with Joel showing up in the place of your father.

✎ — 𝐉𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐀

↝ strangers by @joelmillerisapunk — 🌶️

You meet a sexy stripper at your bestie's bachelorette party and he tries his absolute hardest to get your number

↝ read it again by @almostfoxglove — ☁️

Your best-selling novel is being turned into a Hollywood blockbuster. Ordered to tweak some awkward lines with the lead actor, you've got no clue that the Javier Peña is a massive fan of the source material. He has no idea that the script doctor Stechner just sent to babysit him is the author of his favorite book.

✎ — 𝐓𝐈𝐌 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃

↝ the impaler by @kiwisbell — 🌶️

Chief Detective Tim Rockford makes a breakthrough in New York City’s latest serial killer case. The mysterious culprit is in the mood to share more than information.

↝ cuffed to the grind by @whocaresstillthelouvre — 🌶️

You're working late 'cause you're a detective. Oh Tim looks so good handcuffed to a chair.

✎ — 𝐃𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐉𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍

↝ bedroom hymns by @saradika — 🌶️

mand'alor!sub!din x wife!dom!reader

↝ pas de deux (series) by @burntheedges — ☄️, ☁️, 🌶️ (finished)

When Din Djarin – principal dancer at Concordia Ballet Company and generational talent in the classical style – suddenly left CBC and joined the Nevarro Ballet Theater mid-season, it shocked the ballet world. You never would have guessed that he would change your life, too.

↝ the apostate (series) by @murder-wife

Din Djarin is the most beautiful Angel in existence. The only thing that matches his beauty is his pride. He just can't help but meddle in the affairs of the Mortals. This time, he's gone too far and must be taught a lesson.

↝ beg by @amanitacowboy — 🌶️

Din tortures and edges you with a remote control vibrator.

↝ your king & lionheart (+ marcus acacius) by @kedsandtubesocks

Trouble grows & you’re in need of a personal guard, thankfully Rome’s grand general seems to be perfect - not just for you (but maybe for your husband as well)

✎ — 𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐎

↝ never have i ever by @wannab-urs — 🌶️

You and Dieter play never have I ever and it gets spicy.

↝ chaos angel by @always-andromeda — 🌶️, ☄️

It's Emmy night. And your infamous ex-boyfriend is stirring up all kinds of trouble for you.

✎ — 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒

↝ she keeps me up by @iamasaddie — 🌶️

After having sex with you, Lucien is losing his mind over it, unable to let you go from his m

✎ — 𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐑𝐊

↝ the man whose hands are stained by @jolapeno — 🌶️

This week, a man (single) recounts an intimate encounter with his neighbour—a woman who’s lingered in his thoughts far longer than he cares to admit.

↝ pretty in pink by @/gracieheartspedro — 🌶️

You don't stay awake for Dave's arrival. He finds you in bed in a compromising position.

↝ yes, ma'am by @sizzlingcloudmentality — 🌶️

Life goes sideways and Dave is close to snapping. He needs professional help aka let himself be dominated and be at the receiving end for once. Good thing he has your number.

↝ ice cold by @punkshort — 🌶️, ☄️

Dave ghosts you, so you get even by dating someone else in the office. That doesn't sit well with Dave.

✎ — 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄

↝ just once by @eupheme — 🌶️

You know you shouldn’t look for the handsome stranger that shows up, night after night. Should lock your window, forget you saw him. That’s the smart thing to do, after all. But you think you might like that he needs you. That you can’t stop thinking about him. That you can’t stop wanting more.

✎ — 𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍

↝ cotton mouth by @/gracieheartspedro — 🌶️, ☁️

You need a new dealer and you know a guy through the unfortunate grapevine you used to be wrapped up in. But I mean... the banter is great, and you cannot help but fall for him. But don't fret, he feels the same way.

↝ my, my those eyes like fire by @the-unforgivenn — 🌶️

You’ve heard of the classic Same Bed Trope? Well, what would you call it when all you expect to do is fall asleep in luxury after a missed flight, only to find the room already occupied? Same Hotel Room Trope?

likes, reblogs, and comments keep the motivation alive, so if you’re taking a look at these for the first time, please leave a kind word for these writers or just reblog, even. support your writers <3

[acexsmhking]

TICCI TOBY WITH A THING FOR KNUCKLE RUBBING LORD I BEG THAT IS THE REQUEST

𝐀𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲

(𝗮𝗱𝘃.) 𝗜𝗻 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘄𝗮𝘆

ׂ╰┈➤ Toby relationship knacks

note: i actually just got done with a full sobbing breakdown so this ask genuinely made me giggle i love you😭😂

Warning(s): GN!Reader, fluff nothing else<3 kinda..

No cause Anon you’re so right, like idk about anyone else but I LOVE knuckle rubs just in general and Toby 100% rubs your knuckles. All of them!!

Especially that little knuckle bone on your wrist tho I guess that’s a wrist bone.. what the difference..

But omg Toby LOVES hands; he loves holding your hand, kissing your fingers, your palms, EVERYTHING!

Toby is a very very touchy grabby feely person like 98.99% of the time. Of course he has his moments where that depression or anxiety hits all of us and he just,.. cannot handle any human interaction

But trust! He is holding your hands, thumb rubbing your knuckles, occasionally bringing your hand up to kiss.

And Toby is actually very open about PDA. Toby doesn’t really care about other people’s opinions or feelings if it isn’t you.. Tim.. Brian.. and Kate. So. Like. Ya know.

He keeps it more PG around them but 100% expect that if Toby ever does wiggle his way into town with you to go shopping he will slap your ass no care

So yeah no one is like shocked by just HOW often he kisses your knuckles. And it’s a lot

Toby pretty much is always with you, sure he heads off for house chores and maintenance and food but other that Toby is with you the whole 24HRS.

So he just… holds your hand. It’s really great actually. Toby doesn’t sweat, and he’s pretty chill not necessarily cold. So like it’s weirdly comfortable and satisfying to hold his hand

Sometimes he’ll hold your hand in his mouth if he’s doing something but still wants some body part of yours

We love the little cutie patootie

Toby 100% is the kinda guy that holds your hand when you guys have sex. I mean it, he loves it. He craves it. It’s just so.. close and intimate like those sappy old adult movies

*sobs*

Not to mention if YOU kiss his knuckles? Yeah he feels his heart tingle; back flipping, doing the tango. Toby is a very big emotion feeler. He feels rather intensely a majority of the time

Like he will break down crying holding your face telling you how much he loves you…

Me with my dog

But he is just a sucker for love. Don’t get me wrong, yes Toby has his moments, and his flaws, and lingering issues. But at the end of the day it genuinely is.. exhausting. And Toby isn’t just some emotionally stupid person he’s stupidly smart if anything lol

Especially canonically

And sometimes after eating a family of five, with your weird demon friend and masked adoptive mom you just wanna go home to your beloved and hold hands

Nothing wrong with that..

Omg going on dates Toby 100% holds your hand across the table. I don’t make the rules

(Ok sure your dates are always at home or the picnic table he built for you but it still counts)

He also LOVEEES how your hands feel, especially that soft skin one your knuckles. He had very very worked hands and just lovessss the differences in textures it itches something in his brain

Ride him, hold his hands as you bounce he will get you pregnant. Sucks if your a guy or mtf he don’t give a fuck. m!preg bitch take that

All in all. While Toby is 99.98% of the time a chaotic bundle of cannibalism, weird morals, demon possession and neurodivergence when he’s with you his only the neurodivergent and chaos LMAO

someone draw Toby kissing some hands<3

: ̗̀➛ Thank you again for this ask I have actually been so stupidly stressed today and this made me feel better. I promise Deer anon and other anon I am working on your requests too!! Just well tumblr decided not to save half the progress LMAO deer anon yours should come out tomorrow! — Ace

[sylusgworl]

hi!! I just found your blog and I noticed you were asking for requests! I’m not sure if you write for Caleb but if you do, could you please do domestic hcs for Caleb x gn!MC? like them being affectionate around the house, going to the grocery store, hanging out at the animal shelter, paying taxes (lmfao) etc. ty 😄

CHAOTIC? NOPE, JUST CALEB ft. caleb

content: domestic fluff, gn!reader, adorable caleb because i refuse to believe he'd ever be harsh and manipulative with reader, it starts normal but gets progressively more chaotic, teeny bit suggestive (mentions of love bites, kisses, but nothing specific).

a/n: THANK YOU for requesting, i had lots of fun writing this one!! i rarely write for caleb (hopefully he's not too ooc, i have the lowest affinity w/ him unfortunately *pouts*) since i never seem to have ideas that 'fit' him, but this was a breath of fresh air tbh, i hope it's to your liking. wc: 1k . rbs are very appreciated <3

m.list

If someone were to ask you how it is, living together with a certain Caleb Xia, you’d have one word to describe it: chaotic.

Not because you didn’t enjoy it or something, but let’s just say you never went through a boring moment while living with him.

Starting from your daily life at home, Caleb is just the best man you could ever ask for.

He cooks for you every time he’s not away for work, doesn’t let you carry heavy objects—why would you, with him here?  And, he just never stays away from you for longer than half an hour.

Yes, call him clingy, but Caleb just wishes to shower you with his affection every second of the day. 

When the two of you wake up in the morning, as you try to get up from the bed, you have his arm draped around your waist, anchoring you down, as he groans, half asleep, not wanting to be separated from you. You try to wiggle out of his hold for long minutes, before sleep takes him away and his tight grasp loosens, although not much.

“I’ll get you to stay next time,” he mumbles, and you don’t understand if he’s dreaming or if it’s the last sliver of his consciousness talking. You giggle and slip out of the bedroom door with an idiotic smile.

In the afternoons or evenings, when the two of you sit on the sofa, sometimes he takes your feet and rests them in his lap, at times tickling you if you ever dare to ignore him, too engrossed in your movie. Other times his head is the one resting in your lap, as you gently brush his soft brown locks, hearing hums of pleasure coming from him.

And, not to forget, at night, it becomes impossible for you to sleep for obvious reasons.

Caleb, knowing your schedule well, knows how to take advantage of the situation. So, when the two aren’t working the next day, he’s all over your lips, his hands slipping under your shirt, touching, loving you—he keeps you awake for hours.

“Caleb Xia!” you yell at him, first thing in the morning, feeling your legs shaky and throat aching. You throw a pillow at him, missing his face completely as he simply chuckles, bed hair springing up from his head. He makes a run for it, getting inside of the bathroom before more pillows can reach him. 

You just sigh heavily and look at the damage on your body, love bites painting your skin, cheeks flushed and hair sticking out.

After showering, the two of you eat breakfast in silence.

He’d like to break the ice but… you just ignore him, pouting, still mad at him for what happened (although you were equally at fault).

“Pipsqueak I... I’m sorry,” he mutters, stabbing his fork into his pancakes, like a child does with vegetables he doesn’t like.

He looks so adorable, you even imagine puppy ears appearing, so you just chuckle and smear some cream on his cheek.

“There, we’re even now,” you say, and get back to eating, ignoring the boyish grin spread on his lips.

Later that day, Caleb decides you’re running out of groceries, so the two of you head out to the store.

The supermarket is swarming with people and chilly, different from the outside, with its warm and sticky weather. It's as if everyone was taking shelter from the high temperature, a funny sight.

He pushes the cart, you tagging beside him, while his eyes wander over the aisles, thinking of what is necessary to buy. 

Fruits and veggies, dairy and meat taken, he goes for the most essential thing: snacks.

As he has no self-control when it comes to them, you have to stop him multiple times from getting too many, but in the end he manages to sneak in some more—choosing the ones you like first and foremost, although you tried to tell him you wanted to eat healthier.

You are not allowed to pay, not with him right there. So, the fight being already lost in the beginning, you simply scoff and put the food in the cart while he whips out the card from his wallet with a grin.

—

Usually on your free days, the two of you like to volunteer at the animal shelter.

It’s not something everybody knows, but it’s kind of the continuation of a promise you’d made as children, when a stray kitten followed you home and the two of you took care of its needs, before grandma called the animal shelter a couple of days later.

You’d felt betrayed, back then. But as you grew up, you’d understood that you couldn’t have taken care of it back then, too young to even fend for yourselves.

But now, you have the opportunity to do so.

At the shelter, most animals loved Caleb. It came to the point of him being surrounded by kittens and puppies, with no way out as they all jumped at him in unison.

Except for one black cat, older than the rest, who for some reason stayed away from the chaos and instead, insisted on resting in your lap, purring as you streak his head gently.

“Aw come here, kitty,” says Caleb, nudging it lightly, but only gets a hiss in response, as it closes its eyes and goes back to rest.

He’s bummed, a small pout holding his lips hostage. You find him too adorable, and  even giggle a bit at his antics. 

It’s needless to say, the two of you get home exhausted. 

You wash up and head straight for bed, a long day of work awaiting you the next morning.

You are in your pajamas, comfortable, his strong arms pulling you to him, and ready to drift off to sleep—when catastrophe strikes.

“‘leb?”

“Yes, pips?”

“When did you say those tax return documents were overdue?”

He springs up, sitting upright and switching on the light. “Shit,” he lets out, as desperation paints his features while he wipes his face with one hand, sighing loudly.

So, that night none of you get an ounce of sleep, papers and documents sprawled on the floor as you try to make out anything of the situation, and fail miserably. It always ended up that way, no matter how many memos you put.

So let’s just say life with Caleb was chaotic: eventful, but never boring.

© sylusgworl - 2025, all rights reserved / i don't allow anyone to copy, repost on other platforms or sell my works.

[sharkboywrites]

Can I request Guzma with an Ex-champion turned Pokémon Professor and researcher Male S/O? (If possible enemies to lovers..?)

S/O also happens to be Selene/Elio's Uncle because I love funny and chaotic interactions/scenarios.

Guzma With an Ex-Champion S/O

A/N: Ah yes, I love writing for this man <3

Male Reader

Being a champion was a childhood dream of yours

You worked day and night to get to where you were, putting as much energy as possible into your pokemon

But one person was always bothering you, getting in your way

that of course, was Guzma

it was almost he made it his mission to make your life as hard as possible

Every single time you were making progress, he would come and challenge you to a battle

Sometimes he was easy to beat, and some times you'd have to spend hours leveling up your pokemon to beat him

Eventually you made it to champion rank

You did it, you achieved your childhood dream

But it wasn't everything you imagined

Sure, it was a great feeling and that high lasted for a while, but soon it started to get tiring

You eventually realized that a life of fame wasn't for you, so once you had been beaten, you easily stepped down from your position

You turned your time to researching pokemon instead, something you found yourself to be surprisingly passionate about

But you did find yourself missing something

It was Guzma

Sure, he was irritating when he'd step in and make thing harder, but you missed the excitement he'd bring

One day, you did run into him again

Unfortunately, it was when he was battling your niece/nephew

You were honestly surprised he was up to the same shenanigans

He was shocked when you confronted him, surprised to see you, and honestly a little embarrassed from getting caught battling kids because they got on his nerves

Instead of scolding him, like you initially wanted to, you decided to invite him out to get lunch together instead

He was surprised by that, but obviously accepted

And so, you two caught up over lunch

You honestly had a lot of a better time than you thought you would

You ended up making this a regular thing, meeting up and getting lunch, or going for a walk

Your meeting slowly went from friendly to romantic, going on things that would be more considered dates

It was a subtle shift from friendly to romantic

You started finding any excuse to spend time together, and he would more often than not be in your office while you worked

Eventually, the two of you became official, and he moved into your hose

The two of you ended up more happy than you were while you were separated, and you knew this was meant to be

You still tease him about battling your niece/nephew though

[s3thwrit3sstuff]

*pulls the 45 cents I have to my name out of my pocket and drops them on your table*

I can't believe my name will be forever attached to this but one (1) Kenjaku solo session with Heianera!YN portrait, please

❝ life and death will always lead to love and regret (but you have the answers, and I have the key) ❞

Kenjaku x Heain Era!ftm!reader [one-sided] | Heian Era!ftm!reader x Sukuna Ryomen | r! is a curse-user & sukuna ryomen's concubine, NSFW | sub. bottom. reader (AFAB) | NOT PROOFREAD | wc: 4.1K

warnings: creepy/stalker behaviour, Kenjaku is a 'passive'-yandere (in the sense that Sukuna would and will kill him if he tried anything), manipulative behaviour, gore (detailed), Kenjaku jerking off in front of a portrait of r!, very unrequited

authors note: don't be ashamed, Gabriel. I got way too excited writing this and I think that speaks volumes on how I need to get checked, LMAO. On another note - yes, my YN's will always have a harem of men in the JJK-verse because that's what YN (and you, my dear reader) deserve!

I wrote this partially on my phone so bear with me guys...

*song on repeat: Bernadette by IAMX & Rule #34 by Fish in a Birdcage. * YN is described as having long hair because of the heian beauty standard (hair colour and texture not mentioned).

People often compared the years they lived as sand. The hourglass holding it is comparable to the human body. He often thought that metaphor was weak. People — humans — were not hourglasses and their years were not sand. No, no. That’s far too neat for humans.

Humans are messy. They are loud, and chaotic, they defy nature's rules and destroy her for the sake of progress. They had no balance, their compass broke when the synapses in their brains sparked conscious thought.

In that chaos, humans made curses. Or, well, you could argue it who came first but without humans and their silly consciousness �� cursed spirits wouldn’t thrive.

People are flesh left under the sun. With their blood drying out, flies and maggots eagerly feast on what they can while the meat greys and rots. That’s a much more appropriate metaphor for a human life. If anything, the hourglass comparison should be used for himself. Constantly turning it over to keep going; uncaring of what kept the sands in confinement so long as it could continue its path.

Down, almost empty, flip, repeat.

Kenjaku had perfected his cursed techniques. He had earned this, he had earned his right to let his curiosities run rampant. He had earned the right to be in the presence of Sukuna Ryomen and you.

“Yuuji, you still owe me for eating my yoghurt from the fridge. It was expensive and it took so long for me to find it!” Nobara huffed. “You might as well just buy some for yourself. I’m labelling my food now.”

Megumi glanced over his shoulder at the lack of reply from the pink-haired boy. Nobara stopping next to him with her brows furrowed, sighing as she looks around for him.

“...I was just talking to myself? Seriously?” she grumbled. Megumi adjusts his grip on the bags. The grocery trips were a good team-building exercise according to Yuuji, a way to get to know each other better. Megumi and Nobara agreed after a particularly harsh mission that aimed directly at their novice team fighting experience.

So far, the results that were yielded from it were found that Nobara had an aversion to pineapples, Megumi had expensive tastes, and Yuuji was very good at budgeting money.

“No, he was right beside you a few minutes ago,” Megumi reached for his phone. Nobara placed her hands on her hips, tilting her head as she continued to scan the crowd.

A gaggle of businessmen came out from the underground train station and between the crowd of slicked-back hair, desperate combovers, and sweaty bald heads, she spotted him.

Tugging on Megumi’s sleeve, she pointed to him. Yuuji was standing and staring up at some sort of vertical banner. As they both approached, they shared a glance.

“Oi, Itadori,” Nobara placed a hand on his shoulder. Smacked it really. He didn’t budge. There was a dullness to his eyes that unnerved her enough to remove her hand. Megumi tightened his grip on his phone as he called out to him again. She took a look at the banner and her brows furrowed.

It was promoting an opening of someone’s private gallery. Some rich kid’s great-great-grandfather’s collection. The painting they used was of a true beauty. A man with long hair, dressed in the finest robes with a serene barely-there smile. It looked to be more European in nature, the art reminding her of the portraits of giant frilly dresses and puffy shoulder sleeves despite the obviously Japanese clothing, accessory, and manner in which the subject was regaled in the painting.

The banner must have costed a pretty penny considering how much detail they could see. Megumi could practically feel the raised textures the artist had used to mimic the pattern of the traditional robe the man wore. The flow of his hair, the texture and pattern it had; and his lashes were surely not that long in reality.

Megumi tore his gaze to Yuuji.

It was like he was in a trance. His mouth was slightly ajar, his brows furrowed and his hands shaking as his knuckles turned white.

“Itadori?”

Yuuji had long forgotten this. This ache in his chest that he sometimes woke up with. When he reaches for the empty space next to him and finds no one. Those moments in the basement when he watches a historical movie and his chest tightens as the nobles courted one another.

“Do you know the painter or something?” Nobara asks.

No, he wants to say. Not the painter. If he knew who it was that did this portrait, he’d tear their heads off their body. But the man? He knew him.

That hellish grin, that perfect face and most importantly those nightmarish eyes.

You’ve seen dolls, right? Those porcelain ones specifically. The craftsmen who make them, the expensive ones with real human hair. To be left on shelves instead of being played with. They would draw these white dots on the eyes, varnish them even, so their eyes would reflect back. A mimicry of humans, that’s what dolls are. But even then, their eyes still twinkled. Not this man. No. It was devoid of light. Pools of (eye colour) and nothing more. These eyes would swallow up any trace of light and diminish the stars from the sky with just a glance.

Yuuji knew him. His soul knew him. His hand clutches over his heart and his friends watch this with trepidation.

It’s been 2,000 years. Sukuna was no longer human and therefore his memory was not as fickle. He still remembers those moments before dawn; the sight of your bare torso breathing softly as you rested next to him. The sun filtering through the windows and making you appear even more ethereal and deadly. How your brows would pinch seconds before you woke. Those soulless eyes that shot through his very soul.

Sukuna could recognize you even if he was blind. He’d be able to hear you just by feeling your chest rumble. If he had to eat one thing for the rest of his life, your body and flesh would sustain him.

In his Malovent Shrine, whilst he sat on his throne, he’d summon his flames in his palm. There he’d watch as your figure danced across his hand. You’d twirl between his digits, a smile across your face as he watches the imitation of you.

It used to be enough. Lately, the action brings him more contempt then fondness. The flames never quite catch your shape anymore. Constantly shifting. That coyness is gone, mini-you petulantly staying hidden behind his fingers. So he snuffs you out in his fists.

He hates you for making him miss you. A King should not be missing anyone or anything. Yet, as his vessel stands here, Sukuna teeters on the edge of breaking the Unbreakable Vow he’d made with the brat just to gaze upon you.

The painter got your resemblance and it was agony for him.

How could he continue to be without you when he’s seen you again? Days ago, he wanted to kill you for making him delirious and now he wants you back in his arms.

“Itadori.” Megumi’s tone is firmer. Nobara smacks his shoulder again and Yuuji jolts forward, nearly falling until his rigid legs quickly come back to life.

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?” Megumi asks, his thumb hovering over the DIAL button of Gojo Satoru’s number. Yuuji glances at his wrinkled shirt and releases it, confusion painted across his face at the fading pain across his chest.

“I...yeah, yeah. I'm okay. I have no idea what that was....”

Rich bodies made life significantly easier.

What was that saying humans used?

Money can’t buy happiness?

Kenjaku chuckles at the thought. Foolish and vain — typical of humans. Clinging onto whatever they can to convince their egos they’re better than most when they’ll all meet the same fate. Kenjaku forgets the exact point where he stopped seeing himself as one of them, but he’s sure anyone would if you’ve lived as long as him. Apathy. Most call it a disease of selfishness. Kenjaku simply thinks they’re lying to themselves.

“Mr Geto?” the gallery was a lucrative endeavour. A piece in his grand scheme that required little effort but great rewards. More personal gain on his end.

“Mr Hajimoto mentioned you specifically in his will. The private room is all yours. Thank you so much for your donation to this fine institution of arts.” Kenjaku offers the man a polite smile and nod. The awkward silence prompts them to open the large doors and Kenjaku is greeted by you.

(Y/N) (L/N). In all your glory. In his favourite colours and his favourite kanza. The bespoke lighting on your portrait makes his hands fall limply to his side. You were a brushstroke away from taking a breath. The colours used to recreate that undertone your skin had, the delicate curves of your lashes and the plumpness of your lip.

The two guards in the corner of the room are a nuisance. But with a simple twirl of his right hand, the Slit-Mouthed Woman makes quick work of them. This curse technique was truly convenient, the mess she made cleaned up by a different curse who laps at the blood with vigor. The noises are all muffled as he admires those vicious eyes.

Just saying your name makes warmth travel down between his legs.

“I’ve almost forgotten how you look like.”

Silence ticks by for a minute.

Then Kenjaku bursts into laughter. Clutching his stomach and covering his mouth as he does. He can still smell your blood. Even if Suguru’s body had never had the pleasure of touching you — Kenjaku remembers it.

The way it flowed out of you like silk ribbons. Warm and wet and virile.

“You are an unusual sorcerer,” those were the first words you said to him. He knows you meant that in a derisive fashion — the curl of your nose was a clear indicator. But that was the day a feverish need was planted inside of his very soul.

You. You. You.

The shape of your face.

The cadence of your voice.

The way the wind carried your scent to his nose.

The sound of your cat-like foot-steps.

The effortless way you carried yourself despite the heavy robes that a revered concubine of your rank would wear, along with the golden hair accessories that would probably break a lesser man's neck.

It didn't stop there either.

Your brain, the wickedness that ran through your very veins and that fire that burns within you. Kenjaku wanted to be inside of you in every he could fathom. To sit within that perfectly shaped skull, to thread his fingers between the locks of your hair and take a scalpel to that skin he so craves to taste. Or perhaps inside in the traditional sense, between your legs, embraced by your warm insides and your deadly arms.

Kenjaku ponders on the time he has. He decides that he should indulge in you. He undoes the robes this body wore and sighs as it reveals the torso. Bodies were all the same but he does appreciate the care Geto Suguru took into his temple — there was no need for shame when he's already desecrated this corpse so viscerally already. His hands travel down his torso and that pronounce v-line and past the patch of wiry pubic hair.

You make him feel young again. Reckless and stubborn. Your eyes watch him as he leisurely spits into his palm and strokes it over the tip.

Evil is such a lame word. So primitive in its nature, another one of human's attempts at letting go of responsibility. If something or someone were evil, they were inherently irredeemable. Humans used to call snakes evil simply for doing what a snake would do when hungry, instead of realising they shouldn't have left the door to their huts opened and their sleeping brat asleep.

Was something evil when it simply did what it was meant to do?

They were simply following natures course.

This act Kenjaku is doing now, is not perverted or evil, he is simply being. Simply living, existing, relishing.

If anything, you were the undoing. The evil. You've made, and continue to make, him lose crave and hunger. You were so cruel, so ethereal — so evil.

Kenjaku groaned your name, walking backwards and dropping onto the low seat the gallery provided. His legs spread and he hung his head down but his eyes remained affixed to your painting.

"He sounds beautiful, Mr Hajimoto," the blonde painter had told him once or twice or thrice. Young but talented, the way he used his brushes on canvas was so impressive and Kenjaku missed you so much (Y/N). He simply had to spread the wickedness of your beauty, immortalize it forever within canvases and lesser non-sorcerers minds.

"Did you know him?" his accent was clunky, the Japanese language tumbling on its delicate legs following the rhythm of the painters voice. Still, he — Mr Hajimoto, Kenjaku — gave him a gentle grin.

"Very well. He was my lover."

The small notebook the painter had written your features down in, it was displayed in this very room as well. In a glass casing, handled with gloves to ensure pesky skin oils wouldn't deteriorate his inked strokes.

Speaking of strokes, Kenjaku's was beginning to pick up it's pace. His smile now looser, like an animal that caught the scent of blood, his tongue curled over his teeth as he imagined the disgust on your face. You'd probably cover your nose with the sleeve of your robe and the thought makes his cock jump; you were wearing his favourite colours and it made him moan.

The notebook was filled with sketches of you. Kenjaku recalls correcting the human, correcting him when he disrupted the harmony of your anatomy. You were the humans muse for years, (Y/N). Even as he neared his death bed, the blonde artist kept drawing you. Sketches lose, your shape less tangible, but hauntingly beautiful. Like your dark flames flowing in the wind. Even as his memories of his life escapes him, the artist remembered you. What a blessing. Kenjaku had visited him before he died and whispered your name into the old man's ear.

Sorcerer Society keeps your name hidden. It's their way of control. Making Sukuna Ryomen more monstrous by telling others he ruled coldly and cruelly alone; death was not as harsh as being erased. They say Sukuna needed 20 of his fingers and his mummified heart to be revived. That's what those poems talked about after all.

A misunderstanding.

The heart was Sukuna's, yes.

But it wouldn't revive him.

"You were so angry," he chuckled out, "so defiant even when I was inside of you."

The sky was blood red, the black smoke making the colour more saturated as it seemed intent on blotting out the sun. Uraume had felt a sudden chill, you did too, and they swiftly rose as the scent of deceit was so thick in the air.

“Uraume,” your voice remained nonchalant. But there was a tenseness in your throat that even they could decipher through the layers of regality. They turned, mouth pressed into a thin line as they went on their knees.

You continued to stare, impassively looking down at the patterned swirl of their snow-white hair. The red and black sky turning the colour of your eyes a pleasantly mournful shade; the golden kanza in your hair that your Lord Sukuna himself had commissioned for you glimmered righteously. The teeth of a beast, the curling of centipede legs, and the melded wings of a raven. It was beautiful just as much as it was unusual.

“You leave your Lord’s prized possession to fend for himself?”

Uraume lips reveal a modest amount of teeth. Their face like a porcelain doll as they raise their head. It makes your heart flutter and squeeze.

“You are stronger than these worms, they wouldn’t dare attack you.”

This is true. A fact. You were strong. 100 sorcerers or 1, 000 sorcerers — it made no difference to you. They’d turn into dust and wither right before you. But it shocks Uraume when you place your palm against their jaw, thumb stroking over their cheekbone as you gaze down at them.

“How horrid it is, making me defend myself.”

They see your eyes soften. It was no wonder you were Lord Sukuna’s concubine. Just being touched by you, looked down upon by you; it makes their spine melt.

“I should have your head for your insolence.”

Uraume apologizes, lips stilling when your thumb presses down on them.

“Return to me. Whole. My Lord Husband and I will not be pleased if you do not. We don’t want weaklings to stand behind us.”

Uraume bows, their lips kissing your knuckles as they do before they raise and disappear from your sight. The screams of terror that are heard outside at the sight of them make you slip your eyes close.

Kenjaku appeared before you what felt like hours later. He looks at the scene with a raise of his brow. Your feet were soaked in blood as bodies were strewn across the wide room. The floor was shimmering, looking as though it was breathing as it creaked from his weight. The clothes the bodies wore painted a clear enough picture — they were your servants. Loyalties were swayed as the fight prolonged. These little ants thought they could save themselves from punishment if they showed these righteous sorcerers your head.

He couldn’t smell smoke and there were no signs of charring. The bodies were mangled beyond belief, guts spilling out, eyes gouged, arms bent unnaturally.

Yet, in the gore and horror, you stood across from him with only your feet stained by traitorous blood.

You were a vision. Delicately wiping away blood from the tiger claw kanza with the sleeve of a dead servant. Then, he watches as you carefully put it back in place atop your hair.

“Kenjaku.”

He bows his head, bending at his waist, then lifts himself up again.

“The Kamo clan, your clan, joined this rebellion. I feel that should be a good enough reason to kill you.” The fire in your eyes makes his heart race. He moves forward, casually stepping over a torn torso.

“That would be unwise,” he gives you a grin. This body of his is new. The stitches are still fresh and red. Most likely a desperate attempt of his to hide away while they destroyed his old body. The corpse is younger, and more plain-looking. Despite it’s Curse Technique being a mystery, you’ll take your chances at strangling him.

“I’ve come at the behest of your Lord Husband. To ensure your longevity.”

Your brows pinch. Kenjaku delights at the creases it creates, tucking away this sight into his memories for lonely nights. Then, you scowl.

“You lie.”

His giddiness is palpable. The wide grin on the corpse’s face is clearly not his own; cheeks lifted too high and smile too large and unnatural. Kenjaku must’ve been a truly ugly man with a truly ugly grin. The body struggles to adjust to this display of amusement.

“I’m not.”

He takes a step forward and you lift your hand. The standstill would’ve lasted longer if it weren’t for the yells and thunderous footsteps clambering up to your room.

“You lie!”

Dark flames roared out from the windows. The heat so smoldering it causes a burst of hot air to knock back the men on the stairs, burning their skin and face. The blood on the floor boils, the iron scent now more acidic as the once fleshy bodies now crumble into dust.

You feel his breathe against the nape of your neck. As you turn, he wrings his arms around you like a snake. One across your stomach, the other around your shoulder. That horrible smile is pressed against your skin.

“Kenjaku,” you growl through gritted teeth.

“That’s right. Say my name.”

Fighting feels a lot like sex.

Kenjaku can feel your passion behind every strike, the bruises you leave behind on his skin are akin to hickeys. When you yell out and scream, cheeks so hot he can feel the rush of blood to your face just from looking — the rapid pulse you have and the way your face is contorted.

Kenjaku pins you down. Your legs are thrown over his own while you gnash your teeth at him and spit insults his way. Your hair was so beautiful, thrown back around your head like a lion’s mane. He slides your wrists above your head and holds them with one hand while the other undoes the meticulous array of folds your kimono had.

Sweat drips down his nose. It’s all your fault. Using your Curse Technique in this room, charring the wood and setting it all aflame. Still, he could work in this conditions.

“Ah,” he moans at the sight of your bare skin. Watching the rise and fall of your chest, licking his lips as he places a hand over your heart.

When you kick at his stomach, he acts like he cannot feel it. When you kick again, this time hard enough for a loud crack to be heard, he looks at you.

“If you kill me, you will break the Binding Vow you and Ryomen had made with me.”

He feels your feet dig into his rib, the spiderwebs of cracks spreading further. He allows this with a pleased hum. Your ragged breathing all at once calms and with a blink, your eyes lose that unbridled fury.

“You dare say my Lord’s name so casually?”

Kenjaku laughs. As he leans down, he presses his forehead to yours. Your nose curls in disgust but you keep your lips pursed. The feeling of his sweat sliding down the sides of your forehead and dipping to travel the side of your nose; threatening to get into your eyes as it slips just beneath it.

“Forgive me, venerable concubine.” Kenjaku does not mean this. When he presses his fingers together and imbues his hand with Curse Energy. He enjoys it.

Slicing through your skin at a pace that made the cut more ghastly then it would be if it was done quickly. You remained stone-faced while Kenjaku chewed on his lower lip, every twitch or squint just fueling his hunger.

He is past your skin and now he sees the yellow, when he twists his wrist you grunt as he slices through the threads of muscles. He spreads his fingers and your teeth part as you let out a strained yell.

"You can be louder if you want," his lips brush against your cheek every time he speaks.

"When I return, I'll take pleasure in ripping your head off your body."

"Threatening me?"

He reaches bone. His finger scratching against it before he peels away and settles between your legs. Your hands aren't pinned but you do nothing but curl your fingers into fists as he shoves another hand into your chest. The squelching and pulsing of your flesh, the bursts of blood from your throbbing veins and pumping heart. The wetness and warmth of your insides. He can feel your body clenching around him, and he convinces himself its because you truly enjoy this depravity just as he does.

The size of his hands in your chest is unbearably uncomfortable. Invading you, filling you when you want nothing more than to burn him, as he moves his digits and wrists within you.

He grasps onto your bones and breaks it under the pressure of his wrist. Your blood is spraying him, staining his clothes.

"Your blood looks like ribbons," he whispers to you, "even your insides are like works of art."

You want this to be over with already.

Your arms move down, eyes still set in a glare. You slip your fingers under the soaked clothing and spread it apart further to reveal more of your skin. Shimmying your shoulders so your torso is now bare of any clothing.

The tent between his legs pressed into your crotch. It's hard to ignore, but you push through and grasp onto his elbow and force him to go in deeper.

"Promising you."

Kenjaku's elbow straightens sharply and he moans as he feels your heart beating in his palm. He pulls it out of your body, panting as your eyes slip close and your heart slows. Beating slowly...slowly...slowly...

Kenjaku moans at the memory of your heart in his hands. Your warm blood coating his skin, drying under his nails and crackling in the creases of his joints.

"I wanted to keep you on me forever," he grunts out as his pace gets faster. "The smell of you, of your flesh."

"I didn't need your body, but it was too beautiful not to be admired."

Kenjaku throws his head back, placing his palm across his nose and lips as he sifts through his memories so he can conjure it all over again.

The painting watches on impassively. The croons and purrs of Geto Suguru's cursed spirits echo faintly in Kenjaku's ears while his hips thrusts into his own fist. It's desperate. He usually isn't like this. Even when he was creating the Death Womb Paintings — even when his plans are so close to coming into fruition.

You make him like this. Make him lose control, every thought poisoned with you even when you're nothing more than a mummified heart hidden so desperately away by Sorcerer Society.

"I've gotten a lead," Uraume had informed him just a few days ago. "They've hidden him in the ocean in an underwater research facility."

"Underwater, hah, they think it'll keep your flames contained. Keep your loyal servant away as if the depths of the ocean is enough to scare them, us — Oh, (Y/N)."

His fist stops and Kenjaku stands, removing his clothing fully as he places a hand against the wall of the gallery. The textured wall, the grooves, give way to his nails as he digs them in. He stares into your eyes, imagining the crease of your furrowed brow and Kenjaku groans out your name as he cums all over the wall.

"...Oh, I can't wait to see you again, venerable concubine."

[mitsua]

warnings: love obsession, mentions of blood and weapons, invading reader's privacy

reader's g/n

a side character on an otome game that is about a kinda apocalypse going on in the world.

you obviously get choices every now and then, but you have to be extra careful because you could die with any wrong answer (even with some dialogues you may get with the love interests.)

so, this side character is one of the love interest's enemies and has to fulfill the role as a 'bully'. however, it somehow developed more code lines than any other character on the game, giving him the opportunity to be more observant than the others, have the consciousness to remember how many times you've died because you got on a bad route and so on.

the game itself has had its ending far long ago, the developers had announced there won't be sequels as they think one game has been more than enough and they feel proud with the story's ending and the high quality of the art as well. so yeah, you get to finish the whole game, unlocking each of the five possible routes—plus the deseasing and neutral ones.

you felt satisfied when you ended it and after giving yourself a break from the game for a couple of months, you missed some of the characters' lines and downloaded it once more for a 'warning' screen to pop up when you tried to log in with the account you saved your whole progress.

you panicked, of course, you've spent lots of time collecting the gems that were needed to select certain options and breaking your brain to remember the correct answers to not die.

after a couple of exchanged messages with the support team line the game had attached in case anything like that happened, you got your account back.

"you're finally back?! you went a long time to collect those groceries, you know? were the markets that far?"—one of the love interests' lines as a comeback.

oh yes, how you missed those dorky boys.

as you started going chapter through chapter, your phone glitched from two to three times whenever you tapped for an answer 'weird' you thought, but nothing seemed out of normal with the storyline.

when you saw your clock hit 2 a.m. you turned off your phone and went hurriedly to sleep for the next day. little did you know a character could now think for his own and move within the basement's programmed walls for all he wanted.

you spent more nights playing, oblivious to the fact that Zander could now navigate your whole phone if he wanted, his wandering eyes codes widening collecting more and more with all he learnt about you. getting obsessed with you and the fact that his miserable world was definitely not only that, but there was a whole new world were it seemed to be peaceful as your photos on cafés and school showed him to be like.

he wanted to be there, he wanted to be with you.

the next day's night after he decided he'd do anything to get with you, you opened the app to find one of the most gruesome 'welcome back!' scenes you've thought you'd ever see.

the love interests' blood-covered dismembered bodies were all over the basement you'd find later on the story, still—there was no sight of a zombie that could've do something like that to them, and even if there was; there were two reasons you were sure this was some kinda glitch or virus;

the love interests do not die at the end, only when you choose incorrectly but never in the basement.

not even zombies would get them that messed up... they would bite them and may be even get some flesh out of their arms, but there were cuts that didn't seem to be caused by claws, but more like by knifes or swords.

then you picked up on a bloody message being chaotically written in the wall behind all the chaos.

"will you look only at me now?"

here's my yandere OC's m.list if you wanna read more! remember you can ask to be tagged at any of the fandoms i write for ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

[pepperf]

What I think Steve Blackman and everyone who bleats on about how 'Five and Lila have SO MUCH in common!!!' have missed is that...this is an ensemble show. None of these characters can or should exist in a vacuum, or locked off in binary pairs. They need the wider community, or they stagnate. And yes, Five and Lila have some past history and traits in common (thanks for ruining that relationship as well, Steve!), but no more than they do with the others, their bond isn't unique. Their experiences with the Commission and the Handler were vastly different, as are their attitudes towards kiling - Five sees it as just a job, nothing personal, he found a way to rationalise it away, whereas to Lila it's always personal. Five tells both Lila and Diego in the same ep that they're not cut out for the Commission (although frankly I'm not sold on him being quite as all-knowing about it as he claims).

The show has always been about the siblings coming back together, and Lila got integrated into that bond more than any of the other partners, partly as a result of her being one of them. She had so much in common with Allison, we barely got a glimpse of it, but their brief conversations were always so sparky. She and Luther were the only ones who stayed with their abusive parent well into adulthood, that would've been fascinating to dig into - especially as they have very different personalities. Almost everyone expected her and Klaus to be chaotic bffs, and it was such a pity that never materialised. And I would have loved to see how she got on with Ben and Viktor - I've seen it done well in fic, there's so much potential there, but it was basically entirely bypassed.

And Diego, of course. They are each other's best cheerleader and defender, they admire each other's fighting skills, they can read each other like a book, and they have absolutely unmatched chemistry. And all the way through, what they actually want out of life aligns so beautifully: they crave excitement and adventure with the people they love, they don't care about stability or safety, they love being in the thick of it, throwing themselves into a fight. They don't want calm, quiet lives without conflict. Lila gets lost in the subway system for the same reason Diego is off at the CIA. This is in sharp contrast to Five, who was clear from the start that he'd done his time and was dreaming of retirement, he didn't want to deal with yet another emergency every five minutes.

And (again unlike Five), Diego and Lila aren't content to go it alone - they thrive around other people, they are drawn to being around family and friends. It's healthier, in real life as well as on TV, for couples to have close relationships outside of the core one - and Diego and Lila, although they revolve around each other for two whole seasons, never feel like they're trying to isolate themselves from the group, they're always including other people in their shenanigans.

So yeah, unless you weren't paying attention to Lila until Five started making googly eyes at her, you would have seen the beauty of her progress in finding her place with the Hargreeves - and it's significant that her last line (other than "fuck you", lol) is to thank them for letting her be part of their weird family. That's her underlying character arc, and it sucks that all the focus went on a grubby little detour for the last couple of eps instead.

[auspicioustidings]

Mermen au with mer TF141 and researcher reader trying to learn about their. . .biology :Dd Or them trying to bring progressively bigger fish trying to woo and then Ghost ends up bringing you a fucking orca or some shit,

...I had to look up the reproductive cycle of several marine animals for this I hope you are happy.

Deductive Reasoning

Words: 1.3k

CW: ...light fish porn (?)

It was just fascinating. It would have been dreadfully difficult to not talk about this every chance you got and thus break your NDA if not for the fact that you never left this secure little island base. You were permitted to, but why would you want to? You were speaking with living, breathing mermen almost everyday.

4 of them, although they had alluded to their being more out there. These 4 were a... well that was the question wasn't it? Only one shark did not make a shiver, only one seal did not make a herd, only one walrus did not make a rookery and only one mandarinfish did not make a shoal. Was there a collective term for mermen? You were told you were now the leading researcher in the world for this new species, so perhaps that meant you got to decide.

Or maybe you'd just ask. They spoke to you sometimes, or at least made noises. They seemed to understand each other at least which was intriguing on its own.

It had been Soap you had met first. You had been basically abducted and hurried to this island facility where they had captured a real life merman. You were enamoured immediately by the furious thing in the tank. Half seal, harbour seal you thought. Top half looked all but human (skin must be different to allow for underwater living and ah, yes, you could see gills), hair in a mohawk (which suggested someone had cut it to look like that, who? Was it a ritual? Did they have community? Was it an emulation of human culture? Perhaps some mating strategy?), eyes somewhere between human and seal (his physicality was a similar story, he was built strong and thick, a healthy layer of fat over hard muscle).

You perhaps felt a little bashful looking back. You had been so wildly excited, asking a thousand questions and going into chaotic science mode that it took you a whole 16 hours of straight observations and notes to realise there was a creature of higher intelligence being held captive in a tank. You did, of course, apologise profusely. He clearly did not understand what you were saying, but the emotion was human enough. Bemusement.

Soap had come about because he was slippery. Well, actually he wasn't, but the story was that he was slippery. Because if the military knew you had actually been helping him escape you were probably going to get disappeared. It was lucky the facility at that time wasn't as high security, you had gotten away with it.

You had met Gaz right there on the coast when Soap went slicing through the water. You thought looking back that Price and Ghost had probably been there, just out of sight. They had come for him. Gaz was a magnificent thing. His tail was the same pattern as a madarinfish, bright orange with gorgeous blue markings. You had shown him a tin of irn-bru once with a grin and learned then that Soap could laugh. He had come right up to you and after some form of exchange with Soap had been playful, showing off his tail and holding his hand out to you. You had been existing on caffeine and noodles so hardly your fault you took it, getting dragged into the water.

Oh how thrilling an education you received in the courting practices of Dragonets! He had made quite a show of displaying his fins, including a gorgeous dorsal fin on his human looking spine. You knew you simply must see them again if only to study why Gaz's eyes were more human while Soap's leant towards seal like. He was certainly the most expressive of them. His name had only come about because you had tried every other one and he made his disdain for them very clear. By the time the merman had been rubbing what you would call his ventral fins against you, Soap had grabbed you and soundly deposited you back on shore. Just in time too for the soldiers to find you because the doctor later told you that you were in the early stages of hypothermia. Totally worth it actually.

You talked the powers that be into allowing your pet projects to free roam, after all they kept coming back to see you. Over the course of a year the facility was upgraded and a channel added from the sea to an indoor pool that would allow for better study. Soap and Gaz didn't run on a schedule exactly, but they seemed content to swim in every so often and let you poke and prod. Fascinating that they should both be half human but their other half was so entirely different. Soap was half mammal, retractable penis something he was very proud to show off anytime he was in the observation pool. Gaz was half dragonet, and while you tried to put a clutch of eggs in the pool to see if he could fertilise them he had only raised an eyebrow at you and tried once again to pull you in. Tough luck, you had learned your lesson about going into the water with them when you had met Ghost.

It had been the middle of the night when he swam into the pool. Silent, you hadn't heard him (that's where that name had come from in the end). So unsuspecting were you that you were too near the edge and his hand had snaked around your ankle, one sharp pull dragging you in after you fell to the ground (hardly avoiding a broken nose). It wasn't only his tail that was shark, he had a sharp set of teeth that he sank into the meat of your shoulder without much ceremony. His claspers had been strong as hell holding you there, the only thing likely saving you his frustration at your clothes. He must not have understood the concept very well because he released you and dove, pawing at your trousers to try and figure them out. It was an endless source of fascination for him anytime he visited after. He would lean his arms on the pool edge and just stare at your legs, tracing the outline of your body with his sharp eyes. It only seemed fair to let him look since you spent an inordinate amount of time staring at him. He was sleek and muscular, every inch an apex predator in his prime.

It was a contrast to who you would say was the leader of their group. The merman who had saved you from Ghost that first time you met him, who had ripped him away from you when his teeth had sunk into the meat of your thigh through your trousers. Price had hauled you out of the water with ease. He was part Walrus, huge and soft with a layer of blubber similar to Soap's that hid considerable strength. Of all of them his animal half was most pronounced, his canines elongated into tusks and his hair thick and whisker-like around them.

As a scientist you could not possibly play favourites. Price was absolutely your favourite. He would be still and patient with you when you were working with him. He would gently run his fingers over whatever parts of you were in reach. When you babbled excitedly he seemed to listen as best he could.

If you had taken more than a moment to really look into it, you might have realised you were not the only creature conducting research. If you had used some deductive reasoning, you probably could have anticipated that fateful day you were dragged into the sea, never to be seen by the human military again.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

ℒℯ𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒽ℯ𝓇 𝒶𝓁ℴ𝓃ℯ

warnings: angst and fluff, Rafe is an asshole. This can be platonic or not ! reader is also just as chaotic as jj. dare I say they match each others freaks.

“Well, here are the hors d’oeuvres right here.” He pointed to a table.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be right back, okay?” You told them with a smile, grabbing onto JJ’s arm, suddenly feeling cornered by the three boys in front of you.

“No, we’re actually gonna follow you in here just to make sure…” Rafe started.

JJ grabbed your arm this time, he ran inside, shoving the doors in their faces, you all interrupting the kooks dining by running into chairs and shit.

They were behind you, JJs grip never letting go of your arm. You let out a cry when you tripped and fell over a plant, jj looking down at you and quickly helping you back up, despite them being right behind you both.

You both ran into a room, jj sighing in relief, thinking you both finally got away.

“Are you alright?” He asked you, his hand on your arm. You nodded, seeing some doors and nodding your head towards them.

“Ah, excuse me, guys.” JJ knocked on the door rapidly.

“I’m taking a shit!” The man yelled. Jj went to the next on, trying to open one, both being locked. He groaned in annoyance and you turned a corner, but Rafe was already walking towards you.

You backed up, hitting JJs chest. He wrapped an arm protectively around you and scowled at the boys in front of him.

“Hey, what you doing in the locker room?”

You both tried to get away, but you were suddenly grabbed by your arms, JJ being shoved onto the ground.

“Cute outfit.” JJ remarked before falling onto the ground.

“Shut up!” Rafe rolled his eyes, Jj glanced over at you being held tightly on your arms.

“Leave her alone.” He told Rafe, Rafe laughing and shaking his head.

“Afraid I can’t do that, bro.”

JJ was put into a chokehold while Rafe stands in front of him. “Hold them still. What- what do you think? A four iron, right? Alright, keep his head still, I’m gonna line this up.” Rafe pretended to hold a gulf club in his hands.

“Very Rafe of you. Five on two?”

“If you could please stop talking? It’s very disrespectful, I’m trying to hit a ball, right?”

JJ struggled against the man who held him in the chokehold, you scratching the men who held you in place.

“Fuck you.” You spat out to Rafe, his eyebrows raising.

“Wow! Lotta talk for a little lady like yourself.” Rafe chuckled, amused.

“Let us go!” You cried out, fingernails clawing at the man who held you. The man didn’t say anything, Rafe turned to look at you with raised eyebrows, ignoring you and just laughing in your face.

Rare leaning down to JJs level, smiling at the struggling boy in front of him.

“Your face looks really bad. Starting to look like your dad a lot more.”

JJ spit in his face.

“All right. It was-“ Rafe stepped back, the lights being turned on and off, a voice interrupted Rafe.

“Gentlemen!” You and JJ were shoved away, pretending to look innocent. “Is there a problem?”

“Oh! Pardon us, officer. No, there’s not an issue. You know we- we just-“ JJ spluttered. “Actually, yes. No, there is an issue. Uh, we got a criminal trespass in progress here. Beep! Call it in, right?”

“Blatant disrespect for private property.” You chimed in. “Terrible, real criminal shit.”

“Yeah.” Rafe nodded.

“We’re in violation of all kinds of shit, sir. But these.. young gentlemen…” JJ touched the collar of the boys shirt, his hand being pushed away.

“Don’t touch my shit.”

“They caught us, sir, and they were just about to take us away. Ain’t that right, boys? And that’s what you should do. Escort us out of here. Ya got us.” You and JJ held your wrists out in front of you, you both being dragged away by the guard.

“Oh, fix that tie son.”’ JJ turned over his shoulder. “You’re lookin’ spiffy, too. You powerpuff girls have fun.”

“Yo, y/n, you look pretty hot for a pogue!” You turned around, looking at the boys in disgust, but JJ was quicker to act. JJ threw the guard off him, you watching in shock as Jj attempted to attack him, but got pulled away while you followed behind, eyes wide.

“You think I’m afraid of you? Come on! Say that shit again!” JJ spat, being turned around by the guard, you glancing behind you.

When the guard was busy, you stormed up to them, none of them willing to stop a girl. They underestimated you.

You stood in front of Rafe, all of them waiting for something. You slapped him in the face, he laughed quietly, and then you punched him square in the jaw, all of the boys being in shock, the others pulling you away.

“Don’t even come near the cut, or you’ll be real fucking sorry!” You shouted as you were dragged out, being pulled outside along with Jj.

“I really appreciate what you did out there, let me just walk out by myself-“ JJ spoke, being cut off when you were shoved to the ground next to him. JJ’s eyes widened, attempting to held pull you back up.

“Hey, shove off, man!” JJ shouted at the guard who kept trying to push him away. You looked down at the bruises forming on your arms, getting up to follow JJ.

“You rough him up?” He asked you with raised eyebrows.

“Not really.” You said with a small pout. “I tried. Got to punch him in the jaw.”

“Hey, that’s my girl!” He spoke, holding his hand out for a high five, you shrugging and raising your hand up. He grabbed two drinks from a table, giving you one and downing the other.

“Aah! Whoo!” JJ exclaimed. “I really appreciate the discretion.” JJ told the guard, finally being able to walk freely for moment without being shoved. All eyes were on the both of you now.

“It’s okay, everybody! Don’t panic!” He shouted.

“Hey, leave it to the men and women in uniforms let’s hear it for them.” You clapped your hands, both of you being pushed away by the guards again. “Rose! You look like lady liberty with those spikes.” You put your fingers on top your head, resembling spikes coming out. “Very cool stuff.”

“Oh, give me one of those.” He pointed.

“Let go of them!” Kiara shouted to the guard, everyone turning to her now. “You can’t boot him! I invited them here!”

“Kiara-“ her mom attempted to get her to quiet down.

Jj shoved the guard away when he grabbed you with force. “Oh, sorry about that. Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie! Pope, you as well, all right?” He told her. “Rixons cove. Let’s roll. All right, Kie, come on!” He clapped his hands.

“Workers of the world unite.” You clapped with him. “You know, throw off your chains!” You shouted, both you and Jj walking away with drunken giggles.

“Whoo-hoo!” JJ exclaimed to John B. “Colonel.”

“Captain.” He saluted.

“Mission accomplished, sir.”

“Come on, Kie!” You shouted. “Whoo, hey pope!” All of you laughing as you ran away from the party.

—

“You know, you trying to fight them for me is very noble of you.” You told him later, both of you sitting next to each other, the fire crackling behind you.

He furrowed his eyebrows, confused until he remembered. “Oh. That…”

“Very sweet.” You shrugged.

He shrugged his shoulders, giving you a small smile. “I ain’t letting no one, especially not Rafe and his fuckin’ gooners talk about you like that.”

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part nineteen

authors note: the infamous chapter is finally here! a lot of questions you all have asked me are finally answered. i hope it's enjoyable and worth the wait!

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: angst (discussion of child loss), language, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 10k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @southerngirl41 @wanderingreigns @romanreignsbae

To say your 2024 Bingo card has been filled with nothing but surprises would be the understatement of the century.

The past six months, really, have been mostly wonderful but also chaotic as hell.

And if someone had told you, way back when it was just you and Joe in your own little fantasy world, that his wife would one day text you in the middle of the night, wanting to meet and join forces to combat your apparently psycho-ex best friend, you’d laugh your ass off. Laugh your ass off harder than a guest at a Katt Williams special.

But, life is funny, and God clearly has a sense of humor, because that’s exactly what happened.

It’s also why you’re sitting on Joe’s bathroom counter at 4am as he finishes up in the shower, readying for his early flight.

“I’m sorry, it completely slipped my mind to tell you I gave her your number.” Joe shuts the water off, and you immediately redirect your attention to anywhere but him as he walks out. It’s bad enough you two didn’t have enough time to get in another session before his departure, but it’s another thing to be so cruelly taunted by your sexy ass man in all his buff, your favorite pastime on fully display but unable to be touched.

Sucked.

Rode.

All of the above.

Joe continues, and your eyes land on him just as he’s knotting the towel around his waist.

“I should have asked you before I did so, but with everything going on—”

“You don’t have to apologize, Joe.” Cutting off his unnecessary apology feels like a good move, the right move. You’re not mad at him about that at all. “I know you would have never done so if you believed she had any ill intent.” And it’s the truth, especially on the eve of this Mariah mess. “Sure, I would have liked a heads up that my boyfriend’s ex-wife would be texting me asking to meet and essentially do an interview together, but it wasn’t a necessity.”

He chuckles, looking over and asking, “what are your thoughts there?”

A heavy sigh leaves your mouth at his equally heavy question. “I don’t know. I feel torn. On one hand, it’s kinda weird, ya know? Truth be told, I always figured if by some miracle I ever spoke to her, she’d try to kick my ass sooner than she’d want to grab dinner.” You quickly add, “emphasis on try because ain’t no bitch beating my ass.”

He chuckles, reaching for his deodorant. “Well, you better not be fighting nobody with my baby in you.”

Rolling your eyes, your hand naturally rests on your stomach. “I know, I just….what do you think?”

“I think you should do whatever makes you most comfortable.”

“None of this is comfortable,” you murmur, and it’s the truth. This whole thing sucks all around. “And that’s not an answer.”

He shrugs. “I can’t tell you what to do, babe.”

“Technically, you can, but you’re choosing not to. There’s a difference.”

Joe moves over and caresses your temple, sharing quietly, “I want you and Callie to come down to Philly a few days before WrestleMania. They’ll put me up in an Airbnb. I’ll make sure it’s big enough for all of us.” 

The abrupt change of topic confuses you, yes, but there’s more excitement at the thought of being reunited with him than bewilderment. It brings a small smile to your face. “Are you sure?” Any chance to see Joe will always be taken advantage of, you just don’t want your and Callie’s visiting him at such a time to cause any sort of distraction.  “I don’t want us to get in the way. You need to focus.”

“You two could never get in the way, and my focus is exactly where it should be.” His hand snakes under your shirt, feeling your soft belly. “I also want you to come to the Hall of Fame Awards with me.”

That definitely takes you by surprise. You’ve never attended any sort of formal, public event with him before, and the WWE Hall of Fame awards is like the event. “Are—are you sure that’s a good idea?” Being careful with your words and honest with yourself, you confess, “I’m not sure if it’s a good look for you to be seen so publicly and openly with me right now. Your fans already kinda hate me.”

Limiting your media consumption has been a saving grace in all this. Not that you were big on it to begin with. However, you have read a couple articles and made the even bigger mistake of reading the comments. To say some, if not most, of the internet wrestling community have nothing nice to say about you would be putting it lightly. 

There’s people cussing you out, people saying you should burn in hell for what you did, even some saying if Joe (Roman) loses at WrestleMania, it’ll be your fault.

That last one is at least a little funny to you, because for such big fans, they sure don’t know how WWE works.

Roman’s gonna retain the same way he has for almost three years. 

Ain’t shit stopping that.

“I told you before, and I’ll keep saying it until I’m blue in the face—I don’t give a fuck what they have to say about us. I love you, and I’m going to be with you, regardless of what anyone thinks. The Hall of Fame, Wrestlemania, hell, I’ll take you in the fucking ring with me if I want to.” His defense is so strong in its delivery and conviction that it almost instantly takes away any and all reservations on your end. “And they’re not fans if they have some negative shit to say about the woman I love.”

“Well, in their defense, Mariah did a damn good job making me out to be some Jezebel.”

“That’s partially why I think you should do the Live with Jadah.” His tone and expression soften, thumb rubbing against your stomach. “They don’t know you like I do, and they don’t need to per se, but they can at least see you’re not what she’s made you out to be.” He brings his mouth to your temple, lips lingering. “They can see why I love you so much.”

“Knew you had an opinion on what you think I should do.” But, regardless, you’re thankful for him truly allowing you to decide what is best for you. And you think you have. With a big breath, you settle on your final answer. “I’m gonna do it, but not even to let people see I’m not this horrible person. I just….I haven’t really had a chance to use my voice in any of this. Like…..” You work hard to help him understand where you’re coming from. “I didn’t have a voice in the DCFS situation outside of defending my parenting, but in this….there’s a chance for me to speak my side, to be able to defend myself. And I feel like I need to do it.”

“I agree.” You’re not surprised. Joe is anything and everything, including forever supportive. “Ya’ll are gonna use my Instagram to do it too.”

“Wait, what?”

“Baby, Jadah doesn’t have any social media, and you don’t need all them damn people on your page, nor do you want that.” He’s right. You hadn’t thought of it that way. “Mariah had an audience. You get one too.” 

Fair. Very fair. “Okay.”

He taps your hip, informing. “I’ll leave you the login info." It sometimes still amazes you how much he trusts you, how easy it is for share so many things with you that are objectively personal. His banking information, his fucking social medias that are literally tied to his career.

It means the world for him to have so much trust in you.

“We’re going to Disney after Mania.” 

Joe is just full of surprises, jumping from subject to subject. “What? I thought we were going for Callie’s birthday.”

“We are, for a second time, but the first time is gonna be that Tuesday after Mania. A day for you and Callie to rest.” 

You’re still trying to settle on the fact that this man is proposing two Disney visits literally back to back when something else hits you. “Wait, the week after WrestleMania? Don’t you have to work?”

“I’ve got it handled,” is all he says, all he offers, all he provides. 

“Joe, what does that even mean? How does that work? How do you just win WrestleMania and disappear right after?” Something’s not adding up. There’s something he’s not telling you, and it pisses you off for a lot of reasons, but mostly because you just hate being kept in the dark. “Is it being written into the storyline or—”

“I’ve got it handled, okay?” His tone is exasperated, which you find ironic considering you’re the one on the receiving end of his vague ass answers. “Just….trust me.”

That’s a hard one. Not trusting him. That comes second nature at this point, but trusting him and not knowing if whatever he’s handled causes any sort of problems for him. You worry about any hits he might take sometimes because of his decisions that are usually for the sake of you and Callie.

It shouldn’t bother you, but it does, especially because you know how important his career is to him.

“What about you?” That’s your biggest concern. This man has been ripping and running for what feels like months. He deserves a vacation. He needs a vacation. If he’s gonna be off for a couple days at least, why not use them to recharge? “You need to rest too, Joe. I can tell you’re exhausted, baby. There’s no need for us to go twice. We can just stick with May for her birthday.”

He shakes his head, preparing a guaranteed disagreement. “You’re gonna be five months pregnant by then. You don’t need to be walking around a damn amusement park while that far along. I don’t know if you’ll even want to.”

“Baby, trust me when I tell you, I could be nine months pregnant, and I’m still going to waddle my big ass around that park. I’m fighting any kid that tries to get in my or Callie’s way.”

He shakes his head, muttering, “the May visit might not happen if your ass gets us banned.”

“I can behave,” you murmur, recognizing you’re being a bit dramatic. Just a smidge. Disney has been a dream visit since you were a kid, so there's an immense amount of excitement at going.

“And why are we going twice anyway?” Eyes narrowing in suspicion, you realize and point out, “you’re up to something, aren’t you?” He rolls his eyes but says nothing. “You are. Oh my God, Joe, you’ve already done so much for us, we don’t need anything else. I don’t need anything else.”

It’s the truth, too. Going to Disney twice in one year when some people never get to go at all is absolutely not a necessity. No matter whatever he clearly has planned that requires two trips.

Joe looks like he wants to say something but decides against it. Annoying ass. “It better not have anything to do with a damn dog.” He laughs. “Especially with me pregnant now. Two kids under the age of 5 is gonna be a lot in and of itself.” Since you’re already on the subject, you add, “I’ve been thinking maybe my mom can come stay with us a little after the baby is born? So, I can have some help when you can’t be there.”

There’s something in Joe's expression that gives you pause, like he wants to say something but decides against it. “And I mean, I’d be fine with your mom coming too, I just—another adult will be great.” You throw that out, an honest thing, thinking maybe he’s wondering why it always has to be your mom and not more of his side of the family.

Although deep down, you know that’s not it.

“Of course, whatever you want.” He kisses your forehead and moves away to finish getting ready to go.

As much as you don’t want to feel annoyed, you do. This is at least the second or third time you’ve tried to broach the subject of post-baby, and he’s been elusive, borderline dismissive. 

It’s hard to tell if it’s because he’s maybe nervous about something, if he truly doesn’t understand why you’re wanting to discuss this now, or something else, but regardless, it’s annoying.

And you don’t like it.

You don’t like it at all.

———-

Things happen fast in Florida, or maybe it’s just you and the reality show that your life has been the past week or so.

Because one minute you’re celebrating an unexpected but welcomed pregnancy, and the next you’re the subject of major media articles, publications, and news segments. Followed up with being hit up by your boyfriend’s ex-wife, the same wife he had when you first started sleeping with him.

The same woman who you’re anxiously awaiting to ring your doorbell at any minute now.

The silence of the large house doesn’t help either. You're greatly wishing you could be distracted by Callie’s loud singing, running around, laughter, something. But, you asked Alexis to take her out for a few hours for you, not wanting her to be around in the event that things turn ugly.

And that’s a bit of an irrational belief on your part.

You would have never invited her over, accepted her invitation, agreed to even meet with her if there was any thought in the back of your mind that she has any ulterior motives. In a weird twist of fate, you’re both kind of in the same position, the subject of all kinds of public scrutiny. Granted, from what you have seen on social media, majority of the people are on her “side.” Some going even as far as starting and using the hashtag #TeamJadah.

And you can understand that, understand why the public would “side” with the wife versus the mistress, but it’s also based upon a shit ton of Mariah’s lies and smear campaigns that have painted you in such an ugly light.

That’s ultimately why you’ve agreed to this, agreed to this highly uncomfortable team up, because it’s the only and best way to reclaim your voice.

To reclaim your narrative.

The sound of the doorbell ringing literally makes you jump from where you sit criss-crossed on the new expensive ass sofa Joe picked out for the house. It is comfortable though, and for a second, you almost choose to stay in the comfort of the sofa versus answering the door.

But, you know that’s not an option, for Jadah to fly out on such short notice only to be stood up by the other woman.

It’s not a good look.

Clearly.

So with a deep breath and quick mental pep talk, your feet carry you to the door that you unlock and hesitate only a second before opening.

Instantly, you’re hit with two things: the sweet smell of Jadah’s perfume and Jadah herself. Right off the bat, you can’t get over how gorgeous she is. Her deep complexion is absolutely flawless and moisturized as hell, thick eyebrows that frame her almost slender facial shape perfectly. Full lips pulled back into a sly smile. She’s wearing a pair of jeans and thin sleeved top that show off her shape, both slim and thick where it counts. 

She’s as drop dead gorgeous as you imagined her to be. You can’t be attractive as Joe is without someone to match your aura. 

“Well, let no one say Joe doesn’t have good taste. You’re even prettier in person.” 

Receiving compliments from your boyfriend’s ex-wife was also nowhere on your 2024 bingo card, but clearly all projections need to be discarded at this point with how many stunners have happened.

“Thank you.” It’s strange. You’ve always been super good with compliments, taking them at face value, because you know that you’re pretty, always having the high self-esteem to recognize as such. But, hearing it come from her of all people feels a little…..off. Like, she shouldn’t be complimenting you. “Umm, come in, please.” 

She does so, walking and looking around, almost inspecting. “This place is beautiful.”

All of the compliments are throwing you. It’s not what you were expecting. Then again, you’re not sure just what you were expecting. 

“Thanks. Do you…want some water or something?”

She shakes her head, “I’m good, thank you.” Jadah gestures with a manicured finger between the kitchen and the living room. “Preference?”

Shaking your head, you leave that up to her. “Whatever you like.”

She nods and heads into the living room, sitting down on the sofa where you just sat, anxiously awaiting her arrival. Wordlessly, you follow suit, sitting on the sofa opposite of her. 

“Thank you for agreeing to this,” she says, placing her purse on the coffee table. “I know me reaching out must have taken you for a loop.”

“A little.” A lot. But, she doesn’t need to know that. “I—I can understand why. I’m so sorry you got caught up in all of this.”

“One thing you don’t have to do is apologize. For any of this. For anything. From what Joe told me, this girl is just psycho and has some weird obsession with trying to ruin your life.”

Scoffing bitterly, you can’t find a point to disagree with. “That sounds about right….”

No one says anything for a good, solid minute. Or two.

“Okay, why don’t we get the awkward part over.” Her voice takes on a new tone, one similar to boredom and insouciance. “We both dated and slept with the same man. I happened to be married to said man when you started sleeping with him, but that shit doesn’t even matter, cause you already know what our deal was.”

The deal…..

No, you have no idea what the deal was. That’s part of why you’re happy to finally be talking to her, because you have so many questions. Granted, that’s not the reason she’s here in the first place but still.

Your facial expression must give away the confusion because Jadah’s indifferent tone shifts to something else, something more serious. “Y/N…..how much do you know about my marriage to Joe?”

It’s a bit difficult for you to navigate how honest you should or shouldn’t be with her. She’s a stranger for all intents and purposes, but given why you two are now even sitting across from each other, maybe honesty is the best option. “He’s never really said anything about you or his marriage, and I won’t lie to you, it’s not like I’ve made a lot of effort to find out.”

There’s a part of you that still struggles with a level of guilt for the intentionality you had at the beginning of dating Joe to not ask about his wife, to pretend that you didn't see the wedding band on his finger.

Avoidance makes justification a hell of a lot easier. 

She chuckles, gaze settling on her lap. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Joe’s always been a good man. He was probably trying to protect me, protect my privacy.” Jadah shakes her head. “The irony, huh?” She leans forward, hands on her knees. “Alright, we’re doing this.” She seems to be speaking more to herself than anything, and you get it fully. You’re still giving yourself mental pep-talks just sitting across from her. “I’m gonna tell you the truth about us, but I’m telling you now, certain things Joe, even with how much he clearly loves you, may never talk about. Really, it’s years of therapy that’s why I can talk about it now.” On one hand, the warning is appreciated. On the other hand, it only increases your anxiety at whatever you’re about to hear. “I also have this thing where I use dark humor to cope with heavy shit, so just pretend like you don’t notice.”

The conversation with Kaylah in Vegas returns to the forefront of your mind, and you start to feel bad for opening the door for Jadah to have to revisit a clearly painful past. But before you can protest, she starts sharing.

“Joe and I met in college. I was 20, going on 21, and he was 22. He was playing football, I played soccer. I thought he was attractive and vice versa. We had a class together, and I approached him first. Next thing I know, we’re fuck buddies. It wasn’t romantic. We didn’t go on dates. He didn’t want that, and neither did I. It was just sex.” She says it so simply, so casually, and for a second, your mind goes towards comparisons. That’s kind of similar to how it was with you and Joe at the beginning. Just all about sex.

“Well, like two dumb college kids, we were having unprotected sex, and we both know what can happen there. I ended up getting pregnant. And this….this is where shit gets bad, because both his family and my family were of the belief that because we were having a child together that we should get married, so guess what we did?” She rolls her eyes, leaning back into the sofa. “I think that might have been our first mistake.”

A mistake….

Joe has also made a comment at least once or twice insinuating he viewed the marriage as a mistake. Had stated they initially married for the wrong reasons, and hearing the full story, you sort of agree. 

It’s such an outdated belief that two people need to be married in order to have a child.

“We did it, we got married. My family is in real estate, so we moved into an apartment they owned off campus and prepared for the baby. That was really the only time we talked and interacted. When it had something to do with the baby. And looking back on that, I can see now that even if we wanted it to work, it wouldn’t have. I felt nothing for him outside of the fact that we were having a baby together, and I know he would say the same because we discussed as such when we finally decided to get divorced. But, I’m jumping ahead of myself.”

Slowing down would be wonderful, because this is a lot for you to take in and digest. Jadah sounds like she’s essentially stating she never loved Joe, never had feelings for him. And it seems like he felt the same way, like they were only trying to make it work for the sake of the baby and their families.

She’s quiet for a second, and you already know the next thing that’s about to come out of her mouth. “There’s—there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it.” Another pause. “We lost the baby. I–I had a stillbirth. I was just about 8 months along. I—grief is so damn weird, because some days I’m okay, and then others, I feel like it just happened.”

Shaking your head, you advise gently, “Jadah, you don’t—”

She lifts her hand, stopping you as she explains, “today….today is an okay day. I’m….I’m good.” And you hope, for her sake, that she’s being honest with both you and herself. The last thing you want is to unintentionally trigger her. “We coped the only way we knew how at the time: avoiding each other and having sex when we weren’t avoiding each other. Both of which were unhealthy, one of which resulted in me getting pregnant again. But, I—I ended up miscarrying.”

That….that you especially weren’t expecting to hear. The loss of one child seems unfathomable, but the loss of two children is just so wrong. Like, it shouldn’t be allowed to happen. No one deserves to experience that kind of grief, and while your heart aches for Jadah, it’s hard not to think mostly about Joe.

To think about how that kind of experience had to have torn him up. How could it have not?

“After that miscarriage is when we tried to make things work, tried to actually be a real couple. It was mostly on my end but also that loss was the first time we actually tried to heal together instead of separate. I did most of the initiating, and I can be honest with myself now in admitting it was mostly because I wanted to try again. I wanted to try to have another child.” Her attention is mostly focused on her lap as she recalls what had to have been one of the most difficult times in her life. “Through therapy, I learned that I thought if I could finally just have a child, my grief would go away. Obviously, that’s not how that works, and I learned the hard way because I did get pregnant again, but I….I also ended up miscarrying again.” 

Words. There are none to properly describe what’s going through your head right now, the emotions all circulating throughout your entire body. Tears brim your eyes listening to this heartbreak. You have such a tremendous amount of compassion and sympathy for the woman sitting across from you.

For the man not before you currently but you’d give anything to be able to hold and hug right now. You had no idea he’s been through so much, lost so much, and yet he still stands tall, forever being your backbone.

Being your saving grace. 

“That was the last time Joe and I were ever intimate,” she continues, dabbing at her eyes. “He refused to touch me unless I got on birth control. Said he didn’t want to see me go through that anymore, and I believe him. But, I also don’t think he could handle another loss either.”

You’re not sure anyone could handle that kind of loss a fourth time. 

“I was the one who cheated first, but it’s hard to call it that when I nor Joe ever really saw our marriage as real. It was legal, yes, but he never loved me, and I never loved him. We had love for each other, but we weren’t in love with each other. And I think the little we did feel was because of our shared losses.”

This almost feels like a discussion that needed to happen in separate sessions, because it’s so much to take in. You’d always wondered about this marriage, wondered what the real story was, but hearing that real story almost has you wishing you would have never asked. It’s just all so heavy.

“And then he started becoming more famous and up there in the WWE. I don’t need to tell you how crazy his schedule can be. I barely ever saw him. We essentially became roommates. He did his thing and who he wanted, while I did my thing and who I wanted.”

It’s hard on you hearing all this, for obvious reasons, but there’s also a part of you that is grieving for different reasons. Grieving what maybe you and Joe could have been if you knew all of this. Knew his wife wasn’t the high school sweetheart turned wife, knew he wasn’t going home and playing house when he wasn’t in your bed. You always just assumed this was the case, the few times you even allowed yourself to think about him being married. It was more toward the end of your relationship as you realized you needed to start being honest with yourself about your relationship with him.

“I know for a fact Joe never initiated a divorce because he felt like it was wrong. Like it was wrong for him to leave me because I couldn’t give him what he wanted, a family. I can’t speak for him, but I’d bet that’s why he didn’t divorce me even when he met you. Because he’s a good man who still felt a sense of loyalty to me because I had tried to give him a child. I just….I couldn’t.”

Your chest tightens at her words. Did she just….. “Joe wanted kids?”

Jadah is quick with the response, reiterating. “He always wanted to be a dad. Even with our first pregnancy, we were both nervous and young, but he told me that he wanted a big family because he came from one.”

It’s getting harder and harder to keep the tears at bay. You hadn’t the slightest clue fatherhood was something Joe always envisioned for himself, something he always wanted. It makes sense, it makes all the sense now why he reacted so strongly as he did when he found out about Callie. The way he looked at you with such love and appreciation on Christmas when you apologized for not getting him anything, the way his eyes fell on Callie is he calmly told you that you already did.

A child. 

You’d given him a child, something he always wanted but could never have.

Shaking your head, you admit aloud but gently, “I didn’t—I didn’t know that.”

“Do you know what Joe told me when we finally realized we needed to just file?” She doesn’t wait for a response, most likely already knowing what your answer will be. “He said he was never supposed to be with me, because he was always supposed to be with you.” A tiny gasp leaves your mouth. “And he’s right. Joe never spoke about me the way he speaks about you, the way his eyes light up, the smile on his face…... He was never in love with me, because his heart was always supposed to be with you.” Any effort to refrain from crying is null and void. “And I’m happy for him. I truly am. I couldn’t give him what he wanted, and that’s okay, because you have.”

Her comforting you is the last thing that should be happening, but it’s exactly what occurs. She reaches over, placing her hand on top of yours.

“Y/N. I don’t hate you. I don’t think you’re a whore who ruined my marriage. That marriage was a sham from the beginning. If anything, I was more upset at you when Joe told me about Calista. I was upset because I wish you had told him from the beginning that you were pregnant. We could have gotten divorced sooner, and he could have finally experienced fatherhood. I could have finally figured out what I want in life.”

Sniffling, wiping at your eyes, “All this time…..I thought that I had been that woman, that I took him from you. That’s why I didn’t tell him about Callie, I thought—I felt like it was wrong, wrong because he was married.” It’s that along with your unaddressed daddy issues, that whole trauma, but while Jadah is relatively open with you about her struggles. You’re just not there yet.

“You can’t take what never belonged to me. I’m able to admit now that I never had Joe, and to be honest with you, I never really wanted him.” She frowns almost, continuing to share more with you than you ever expected her to share. “I wanted to do humanitarian work after college, and I didn’t do that because I was too busy living my life the way everyone said I should. I don’t blame Joe either. I guess I just wish all three of us didn’t have to wait so long to finally have what we wanted.”

In a strange sort of sense, all three of you are victims of some type of circumstances, different in various ways but still victims. 

“Are you….are you happy, Jadah?”

In all that you’ve heard her divulge, a no wouldn’t surprise you. She’s such a strong woman, but in the midst of all this, you getting Joe, Joe having you, where’s her happy ending?

“I’m bisexual.” It’s such a strange first initial response, one that you’re not sure how to reply to or take. Not that you’re judging at all. Good for fucking her. But, where is the relevance?  “It’s not a secret, either. I’ve been out since I was in middle school, but I’ve been in a relationship with this amazing woman for almost a year now, and it’s with her I’ve realized I just tend to form deeper connections with women than men. Especially emotionally. It’s gotta be why I never felt anything for Joe, because we both know that man is objectively gorgeous, insanely sweet, and the D is fire.”

That makes you laugh, the first in the midst of this heartfelt conversation. “You’re not wrong about that.”

“But, she’s amazing, and we’re so happy, so yes, I am more than happy.” Her eyes light up the same way you’re certain she’s seen with Joe when he talks about you. “But, you know what will make me happier?” She announces with attitude and determination. “Getting on Live together and blowing up this bitch whole spot.”

Another laugh that’s followed up with. “I’d rather beat her ass, but this is second best.”

“I mean, we can do that too. I don’t really know how to fight, but I’ll cheer for you on the side.” 

There’s more laughter as you realize Jadah has that dry sense of humor that can have you dubbed over in tears from the humor, meanwhile she’s got a straight face the whole time. 

“I wish, but I can’t be fighting in my condition.”

It leaves your mouth before you even realize what you’re basically confirming, and before you can freak out, scolding yourself for being so insensitive, Jadah is already two steps ahead.

“Seriously? Congratulations!” Her smile is just as genuine and happy as all the outdoors, as she explains. “Y/N, just because I can’t have kids doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for people who can. I know Joe must be over the moon happy.”

“He is,” you answer with a matching smile, hand going to your stomach. “I’m really happy I got to meet you, Jadah. I think….I think we both needed this.”

There was something so healing about all of this, some sense of solace and closure that feels like it’s been provided for the both of you. Her being able to talk this out and be honest about her feelings, and you learning that maybe, just maybe, your relationship with Joe was never wrong in the first place.

Because it was always supposed to be.

“I agree.” She squeezes her hand. “Now, let’s get started on our strategy for this Live, cause I’m ready to shut that ex best friend of yours fifteen minutes of fame down.”

———-

In another life, you and Jadah could have been the best of friends. 

There’s such an ease that comes with talking to her. Not only is she just as laid back as Joe promised, but the bitch is funny as hell. The strategizing your game plan for the Live is filled with her dry humor that almost has you in tears at one point. And it amazes you how someone who’s been through so much can still find it in her to laugh, to still be filled with so much joy.

It’s admirable. 

And maybe there’s a way where you can be friends of some sort, because there’s truly no ill feelings towards her on your end. You’re also almost certain it’s the same for her as well, but right now, the focus is on this Live. 

Well, sort of.

“I definitely think the cool tones will really compliment the white theme of the house. You guys don’t plan to paint, right?”

Joe never mentioned that Jadah is an interior designer, not that he needed or even had a reason to, but it definitely comes in handy considering you have this big ass house to decorate without a lick of knowledge about decorating. 

It didn’t take long to figure out how you’re going to tackle the Live, and you two even got your iPad set up in the kitchen, deciding that’s where you would hold it. She even set up the practice live so you two could familiarize yourself with the layout before actually going live.

So with that out the way, it only took one question from Jadah about designing for her to be assisting you with some options for different rooms in the house.

“No. Joe hasn’t mentioned anything about it.” You then remember. “We are getting a mural painted in Callie’s room. I guess Joe knows someone.”

“Oh, that’s awesome.” She beams, asking, “what’s the mural gonna be?”

Smiling, you answer, “disney. She loves Disney.”

“Y/N…..do you….do you think I could meet her?” She quickly adds, almost as if she’s nervous about even asking in the first place. “I know you probably need to talk to Joe first, but—”

“Of course, you can meet her.” There’s no need to think about it, no need to talk with Joe about it. “I was actually going to ask you if you wanted to meet her. She’s out with my best friend right now, because I didn’t want her overhearing our Live, but I’d love for you to meet her.”

She seems so moved and appreciative of this. “Thank you.” She motions down the hall, “you don’t happen to have any food, do you?”

Laughing, you answer. “Girl, I was just thinking we need to get this Live done, cause I’m hungry.”

It’s not too surprising on your end. In the past few days, you’ve noticed your appetite increasing, a strange symptom to have so early on in your pregnancy. Annoying, too.

“Well, let’s pig out on snacks, and maybe we can get actual food later,” she suggests. You’re down for that, thinking about asking Alexis to stop and pick something up on her way back to the house with Callie. 

“Sounds good to me.” She then looks around, noticing the speakers located throughout the house. “Do those work?”

Already knowing where she’s headed, you pull out your phone, opening up Spotify and reaching it to her. “What’s the vibe?”

Jadah sucks her teeth, taking the phone. “Girl, you already know.”

She moves her fingers around the screen before music starts to play.

Knuck if you buck boy

Knuck if you buck boy

Knuck if you buck boy

“Oh my god, you taking it way back.” And it’s so appreciated, cause this always has been and always will be your song. It’s aptly appropriate as well.

“We gotta be in the zone.” She’s dancing along the way to the kitchen, tossing you your phone as she walks backwards. “You still remember Princess verse?”

Is water wet? “Don’t play with me.” Making it to the kitchen, you’re barely able to open the cabinet where the snacks are before the verse starts.

Yeah we knuckin' and buckin' and ready to fight

I betcha I'm'a throw dem thangs

So haters best to think twice

Word for word, you don’t miss a beat, and Jadah is right there with you, dancing and playfully twerking to the soundtrack of every middle school fight back in the Y2K era. 

The two of you share a laugh at your silliness as she forages through the cabinet for her preferred snack while you open the goldfish and glance at the iPad. Frowning, you move closer, asking, “why is the screen still on? It’s supposed to be on auto—Jadah?”

She’s distracted, caught between Cheez-Its and Pretzels, answering distractedly. “Yeah?”

“Why does this say we’re live?”

At your question, she answers half-heartedly, “it’s in that practice mode thing, isn’t it?”

That would provide a heavy layer of relief if your eyes didn’t land on the number of the corner of the screen.

The number that reads over 100,000k people are currently watching this live.

“Jadah! It’s fucking live!” She spins around, confused. “Like, we’re on Live!”

“Oh, shit,” she curses, running over and also looking at the screen. “Damn, we are.”

Panicked, you back up to the opposite counter, lecturing, “I thought you said it was in practice mode!”

“I thought it was!” She defends, shrugging and reminding you of her naivety with technology. “You should have never left me in charge in the first place! I haven’t used social media since Tom and I were besties on MySpace!”

“Oh my god.” your hand remains over your mouth as you take in the fact that this thing has just been sitting here, live for the whole wide world to sit and watch.

“I don’t know why there’s so many people here. Were ya’ll just sitting here staring at her fridge?”

“Jadah.”

“It’s a valid question!” She sucks her teeth, pulling out the bar stool and plopping down. “Well, since everyone’s here, we might as well get started.” She reaches for your phone, simply saying “music.”

Believing she’s going to turn off Crime Mob, you hand it to her, but that’s too good to be true. Because instead of silence, you’re hit with Megan Thee Stallion.

I just want to kick this shit off by saying, "Fuck y'all!"

I ain't gotta clear my name on a motherfuckin' thang

“Jadah!”

“I said we were getting started. We need to set the tone.”

“We can’t be playing this kind of music on Joe’s account though.” At least, you think so. You’re not entirely certain what exactly his public image is supposed to exemplify. But, songs about fighting and cussing people out don't seem to align.

However, she waves you off, focusing on the screen. “Hello, everyone, and welcome to this special edition Live. I’m sure most, if not all of you, recognize Y/N, thanks to a basic bitch we’re about to roast alive in this here video.” She gestures to you, and unsure of how exactly to respond or act, you simply offer a sarcastic wave. “But most of you may not know I am because I’m pretty sure there’s only a couple of photos of me online, which is the way I prefer it.” She places one hand on her chest. “I’m Jadah, the infamous ex-wife who apparently hates Y/N and pulled up ready to knuck if you buck, but we’ll get into that later.”

Feeling more comfortable after making active efforts to push away your nerves, you tease, “bet ya’ll didn’t see this one coming.”

Jadah’s face lights up with a mischievous smile. “We figured there’s so much being said about us by this delusional bitch, that it’s time we speak our truth. And I’m just gonna say right now that while we’re doing this to clear up the lies, there are some things we’re not going to touch on because it’s nobody’s business.”

“None of this is really anyone’s business,” you add, the confidence growing by the second. “It’s all really fucked up how we even have to come up here and defend our characters and talk about personal, real life situations. I never wanted any of this, never wanted to have my face be out there, to have my daughter’s face be out there.”

“And that’s the thing, too,” Jadah seems to be feeding off your energy just as much as you’re feeding off hers. “I don’t have any social media at all. I hate it. After today, I don’t plan to ever do anything like this ever again. But, it’s also the fact that people are saying such cruel things about an innocent child that absolutely disgusts me. Like, people are attacking an innocent little girl and saying that it’s in defense of me, which is so insane because none of you know the truth.” She looks over at you, asking, “mind if I start off?”

“No, go ahead, please.”

“Bet.” She claps and announces. “I’m gonna keep this super easy for all of ya’ll. First things first, I have never spoken to that Mariah person a day in my life. Have zero clue who she is. The texts? Never happened. Phone calls? Never happened. Screenshots of said messages? Never fucking happend. Why?” Jadah makes a triangle over her mouth so her voice projects. “Because I don’t fucking know her!”

“More facts: Joe and I were married, yes. We got married when we were like 21 and 22 because I was pregnant, and that’s when people still believed children could only be raised by married couples. That’s the only reason I married that man. We were never in love. Never even dated. We were just horny college kids who didn’t use protection.” 

As strange as it may be, you can tell there’s a bit of hesitation on Jadah’s end before she goes into the next part. “We, unfortunately, lost that child. And experienced some other forms of loss that I won’t get into because it’s very personal, but to make a long story short, we ended up having an arrangement. Essentially, he did what and who he wanted, and I did the same.” 

She pushes some of her hair back, continuing to explain bits and pieces that are still true but protect her from having to lay out her darkest experiences. “I don’t even consider it an open marriage, because outside of us legally being married, we never had an actual marriage. As most of you already know, professional wrestlers have insane schedules, so when I tell you he was at the crib maybe a month out of the year? I’m not even exaggerating. That man was my platonic roommate.”

There’s a small smile on your face as her humor and sass melt into her delivery after carefully maneuvering around the specifics of her personal loss. “Ya’ll are all up in arms, coming after this girl talking about she broke up my marriage, blah blah blah. But, she couldn’t break up what didn’t exist. I never loved that man. Joe is a great guy, but we never loved each other.” She gestures to you with her thumb. “This is who he loves. This is who he has a family with. And the fact that ya’ll can sit there and claim to support him and be a fan while attacking the people he loves blows my mind.”

“So, it goes without saying, Mariah lied her ass off about all of that for clicks and views. She’s a liar. And you can print that in your tabloids.”

“I also wanna clear up some things about her if that’s cool with you?” Jadah nods, and motions for you to have the figurative floor. “I need people to understand that this is somebody who I thought was my best friend, who I’ve called a best friend since I was in kindergarten. Matter of fact, we met because some boy was picking on her, and I went up and pushed him, standing up for her. I’ve always prided myself on being a loyal friend, especially to her. So for her to do all that she’s done to me has been so fucking hurtful and confusing.”

“I found out that she’s been sleeping with my very first boyfriend, the boy I lost my virginity to and dated on and off up until I was in my mid-twenties behind my back since we were teenagers.” You have no intention of stooping to Mariah’s level, but if she wants to lay out your information for public scrutiny, then you damn sure can make sure they know just who they’re believing. Know her character, or lack thereof. “Mind you, he ain’t shit either and he can go fuck himself just as much as she can. Like, it takes two, but here I am calling this girl my best friend, crying and confiding in her about all he’s putting me through, and the whole time she’s fucking him behind my back.”

“That’s so foul.” Jadah looks just as disgusted as you feel just thinking and talking about it. 

“But you know what? As fucked up as that is, that part is well with my soul because I have a man who treats me so damn good, a beautiful daughter, and a loving, supportive family. So, that’s fine. What really fucks with me though, still—” There’s an unplanned pause as emotions get the best of you, just revisiting this subject. “Fuck, I said I wasn’t gonna cry.” Taking a deep breath, you do your best to continue without breaking down in front of the whole damn internet. “What gets me is that this girl who I considered a sister, who I literally made the legal godmother of my child, called DCFS on me, made up horrific lies and stated my child was in immediate danger—”

“Oh my god—”

“They took my baby away from me and placed her with my mother, so I legally could not have any contact with my child or my mom for three days. And that may not seem like a lot of time to ya’ll, but I love my child. She’s very attached to me, and I’m kinda the same. So those three days were torture. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t keep anything down, my chest hurt. I had to hire a lawyer, be interrogated like I’m some criminal. It was awful.” Your attempts to hold back the tears failed epically, and Jadah’s hand is on the small of your back, rubbing in a comforting motion. “And now she’s sold all these personal photos and videos of my daughter to the highest bidder, so now I worry about what kind of fucking disgusting perverts now have access to them. It’s been fucking hell dealing with girl. You all have no idea.”

Up until this point, you’ve made an active, concerted effort to keep your eyes away from the comments, not wanting to lash out or be unintentionally triggered. But, an accidental glance reveals a slew of incoming comments including hearts of all colors. 

It’s then you can’t help but to read a few, also needing to get your shit together. Crying on the internet is something you used to make fun of people for. Now, you’re in the same position.

The comments are a complete 180 from the last time you decided to torture yourself by viewing the public’s general opinion on you. 

There’s a tremendous amount of sympathy, support, and newfound understanding. For both you and Jadah, though, the majority of them seem to be aimed towards you.

A lot of apologies as well.

“And this is the kind of person you all have been deceived by. The only thing she was truthful about is that yes, I met Joe because of her. She won a contest years ago that gave her tickets and backstage passes to a Smackdown show, so she invited me, and I met him that night.” That’s probably the only thing you could ever be grateful to Mariah about, the fact that her letting you be her plus one resulted in you meeting the love of your life. “But, I’m not a whore. Not a golddigger. I’m very intelligent. I got nearly a perfect score on my ACT and my SAT back in high school. I was student body president, homecoming queen, prom queen. You look up Ms. Popularity, and you’ll see my fucking face. I have a bachelor's degree in education, I’m a licensed teacher in my state. Like, I don’t need attention from strangers nor do I want it.”

“And here’s the thing, my daughter is almost five, so I’ve been in the picture. If I was this big attention whore like she says I am, why have I not gone public or made my presence known? The only reason ya’ll even know who I am now is because I was essentially outed, but I don’t want this shit. Joe is famous. Not me. I don’t want that. I just want to live in peace and privacy with my family. That’s all.”

It’s a bit of playing with the truth, insinuating that you’ve been in Joe’s life consistently the past five years, but that’s one of the parts of this that doesn’t need to be shared on the world wide web. 

“We black and educated excellence over here. We don’t need validation from strangers.” Jadah says it better than you can as you continue to blot at your eyes, grateful the tears are drying up. “We need some church in here to lift the spirits.”

“Oh, Lord, what are you going to play now? We are about to get Joe’s account banned.”

She clicks around on your phone before the song starts playing.

We lift our hands in the sanctuary.

We lift our hands to give You the glory.

“You’re so stupid.” This laughter is so good for your soul, it’s the most you’ve done in such a short span in a while. And it feels good. “But why would you pick this damn song, knowing good and well it never ends.” Reaching for the goldfish bag on the island, you open and grab a few. 

“Y/N! Why are you eating? We are in church.”

You give her that ‘girl, please’ look, justifying. “Girl, I’m hungry. It’s snack time, shit.” You’re craving more than a snack, more like a full course meal, but Callie’s snacks will have to do for now.

“Now you’re cussing in church. Don’t drag me to hell with you, whore.” She leans closer into the phone, taunting, “you liked that one, didn’t you, Mariah?”

You almost spit out your food. “Jadah!”

“What? You are a whore. That’s why I pulled up at your house blasting Sideline Hoe by Monica in my 2007 Toyota Camry, wearing my Baby Phat bomber jacket to fight you that one day.” At this point, you’re about to piss on yourself. Jadah’s sense of humor is golden, because she’s saying all this with such a straight face. Never once breaking scene. 

You decide to play along, correcting. “No, it was The Boy Is Mine, remember?”

She snaps her finger. “That’s right. My bad. And then the second fight, it was Jolene. I played that when I snuck in your hospital room at Grey Sloan and caught you flirting with Dr. McDreamy.”

Turning your head, you try your best to hold in your laughter, but it’s impossible. 

And Jadah also breaks a bit, speaking to the phone and viewers. “You see how ridiculous and stupid this all sounds? That’s exactly how stupid majority of the shit that came out of Mariah’s mouth is. I literally just met Y/N for the first time today, this morning. And as ya’ll can clearly see, we good over here. She got her man. I have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. Stop being so invested in lives you don’t live.”

You start to add something else when Jadah interjects, “and let me just say this, cause I saw some people having the audacity to say this girl is ugly. Ugly where? The bitch is gorgeous. Look at her!” She gestures to you, adding, “she’s stacked in the front, and it’s sitting in the back. Shit, I would hit that too.”

“Girl, you better stop before they start making up rumors and shit about us all being poly.” Snickering at just the thought alone of that being the latest on the rumor mill, you jokingly coin it prematurely. “Roman’s Harem.”

“Roman’s Hoe House,” she suggests, and you’re nearly in tears from laughter. This bitch is hilarious. “Plot twist, everyone. This was all a publicity stunt for a new season of Flavor of Love featuring Roman Reigns.”

“Jadah, oh my god, stop.”

She lifts her hands to silence you as you lay your head on her shoulder, laughing your ass off. “We will be taking applications following this Live. If you are a woman of color with ass and boobs, please apply. Slim thick girls, ya’ll can apply too with the understanding your chances are a bit slimmer. No pun intended. Skinny girls….maybe try the Bachelor or something.”

“Jadah, you are a menace.” You are dying for her to meet Alexis. They seem very similar in a lot of ways, and it seems like they’d vibe well. Hopefully.

“Y/N, please, I am trying to build recruits for the harem.” She finally cracks, shaking her head and leaning forward to read some of the comments. She then asks you, “should we answer questions?”

That’s an easy pass, though you also know this is your one chance to really show who you actually are versus who you’ve been painted out to be. “Sure. A couple.”

Jadah gets to reading, “uhhhh, okay this one is tame. What’s the sexiest thing about Roman?”

“Jadah, how is that tame?”

“You should have seen the other one,” she mutters. Something tells you that it’s better you didn’t.

“All of him. That’s such a generic, basic answer, but it’s the truth. He’s the full package. Tall, handsome, amazing body. Insanely kind.” Big dick, not that that needs to be shared with the whole world. “I will say though, like, seeing him parent our daughter, how good and patient he is with her. That is immensely attractive. Him being such an amazing dad and partner. That shit is sexy. If you’re grown, you agree with me.”

“You better be grown if you’re watching this Live.” She’s not entirely wrong. Jadah then reads the next one. “What’s something most people don’t know about Roman?”

Looking over at Jadah, you ask, “do you wanna….”

Immediately, she’s shaking her head, admitting, “I don’t know him well enough to really speak on that. Like, we knew each other better in college, but obviously who we were in college is vastly different than who we are now.”

It really does stump you to hear her say that aloud, not that it upsets you, but just the mere fact that you spent so long viewing her relationship with Joe in one way, but in actuality, they were more strangers than anything. 

Strangers only bonded by loss.

“Ummm, a lot, actually.” You finally answer, trying to figure out how or even what to share. “He’s actually very quiet, like, borderline shy. At least when you first meet him. Once he warms up, you see more of his personality. But yeah, it’s fascinating how well Joe encapsulates Roman cause they’re totally different people.” You glance at Jadah, murmuring, “maybe one more.” 

This Live has gone on long enough, and you feel that you and Jadah touched on all the points you wanted and needed to address.

She nods, clearly searching for a good final one. A couple seconds later, she reads aloud. “What’s one thing you’d like to say to Roman’s fans?”

Damn. 

What a final question.

There’s a couple seconds you utilize to gather your words, wanting to articulate effectively and clearly. “That regardless of how you feel about me, please don’t let that change how you viewed him before you even found out I existed. Joe—sorry—Roman, no, fuck that. Joe is so damn passionate about what he does, his work is everything to him, and he does it like he does everything else in his life—with full passion and dedication.” Your eyes are starting to water again from unexpected emotionality. “I’m so proud of him and all he’s done and accomplished, and I know it’s just the beginning, so I’d love for you to continue to support him on his journey.”

“Damn.” Jadah mumbles after a minute of silence. “That was deep. We need another song—”

“Jadah, I swear to God, if you play one more song—”

“You’re going to like this one!”

“I think we’re just about finished anyway.” It’s not a think. It’s a know. Callie’s been gone long enough. You miss your baby. “What—”

Roman’s theme song plays louder than the previous songs Jadah played, and a smile is instantly on your face. “Okay, you were right.” The two of you vibe for a minute, because your man’s song really is an actual vibe.

“Alright,” Jadah laughs. “You all have been a wonderful crowd now, but we’re hungry, so we’re gonna go eat—what are you thinking?”

“Hmmm, maybe Chinese?”

“Good call.” She then focuses on the screen again. “We’re gonna go pig out, listen to some more amazing music and….yeah.” Jadah grabs you and pulls you right next to her, so you can say something too.

“Thank you for listening to our side, the truth, and please be kind. To everyone. Not just the people you know.”

“And don’t forget to send in your applications for—”

“Jadah!”

[obzessed]

HP characters : powerpoint presentation headcanon

This is so random but here is how I imagine marauders' era characters doing a powerpoint presentation

The Marauders

Do over the top presentations, (down to using costumes, yes) would make the wildest powerpoint (too many colors because they can’t agree on anything)

They make it really fun and entertaining tho

use the airplane (flying broom ??) transition, except the airplane is on fire for some reason

indian drama level of presentation

Will Not stop giggling and interrupting each other

Jocks in middle school vibe, but they’re actually really smart

here to clown and have a laugh

generally get a high grade but get points deducted for clarity and taking too damn long

Severus Snape (+bonus Lily Evans)

In a solo presentation, Severus would make perfect, pristine presentation

King of bullet points

University standards powerpoints

only uses peer reviewed articles

always criticizes said peer reviewed articles

Never uses notes, but doesn't look the audience in the eyes ever

Doesn't look at the audience period

He's not shy, he doesn't even do it consciously

Extremely complicated subjects, Will Not Dumb It Down For You

If anyone has a question, will look at them as if they’re the biggest idiot in the room

The type to explain by simply reformulating what he just said

If they still don’t understand either sighs dramatically and moves on, or sighs dramatically and start drawing on the board, speaking veeeryyyyy slowly, you let me know where I lost you idiot fellow classmate

Actually explains really well when he puts in some effort, has this clean cut way of decomposing each problem and detailing each point, then tying it all back together that makes it really easy to follow

writing on the board and drawing legitimately helps him lay out his thought process

the condescension is just a plus

Type of presentation that is objectively very good and interesting and well thought out but like. no one cares. bring back the airplane transitions.

For a few people sufficiently advanced and interested and who actually understand what he’s talking about, (and who are not rebuked by his style and general attitude), it’s a v good presentation

Positive : Always adds something new and generally brings really pertinent arguments, genuinely passionate about what he’s talking about

Teachers pick up on his fast out of the box thinking and surprising creativity

his powerpoint design is a little depresso, no colors except to highlight important words

very minimalist and to the point

Regulus argues every point of his presentation

Academic rivals to lovers frfr

Gets point deducted for his attitude and his “lack of enthusiasm”

NOW Severus + Lily = best of both worlds, get an O everytime

Lily always insists on using canva (their pwp designs are so cute)

overall they balance each other really well

I feel like Lily would get a little giggly if she fumbles

The marauders would def shout “boring” and giggle like middleschoolers at the back of the class during Snape's presentation

Snape's ability to remain unfazed in the face of bs stems from there

God help them all if they get paired up for a presentation

Marauders + Severus

Snape would have to settle for at least one airplane transition

It would become a war of adding and deleting each other's progress on the pwp design

they split it in two but they try to gain terrain on the other's part like in Clash of Clan

They are at WAR

“I am a commander in battle and your slides are but a village on a map” James Potter

“Fuck you” Severus Snape

“Go jump off an airplane if you like them so much”

Somehow the presentation is even more chaotic than the previous one

passive aggressively asks the other to click on the next slide

always takes the other's question just as they're about to speak

If Snape sees a single one of them look at their notes for too long it's on sight (RIP Pettigrew)

Bc Fuck if he's gonna lose points over this

best or worst grade

lots of brain cells

Teacher tried to make the braincells hold hands but the brain cells are Enemies

[kaiserinnessie]

Can i request like this??

Well imma still do it lmaodka

SOO UHMMM HQ OR BLLK BOYS WITH SLAVIC SO???

WELCOME BACK FROM RETIREMENT 🫡🫡

Forgot inboxes were a thing I’ve been gone so long… ANYWAY YES YOU CAN REQUEST LIKE THIS

Because this was slightly vague I will try my best:D thank u btw!!

(No smut in this)

Bllk boys with a Slavic SO!

Head cannons only for the amount ima put here

By all means I am NOT Slavic myself. So if this is by any means wrong or anything is stereotypical please lmk. I did my research for this! You can tell I get progressively more lazy…

Isagi Yoichi

•Super eager to learn about your culture.. he watches documentaries, reads articles, and even asks you random questions about your traditions in the middle of the night. Sometimes gets a little scared when you scold him for keeping you up about it.. makes a note to NOT and you in the middle of the night anymore. If he can help it..

•Tries to cook Slavic food for you once but nearly burns down the kitchen. After that, he just hovers around, watching you cook while sneaking bites. He feels even worse whenever it’s brought up at the dinner table whether it be around family or friends. Poor guy..

•Gets along well with your family. If your parents are around, they see him as polite and hard-working, and they probably joke about when he’ll propose. He gets super flustered but takes the hint. Eventually.

•Terrible at learning your language but puts in so much effort. He practices common phrases and cute nicknames for you. You can’t help but let it slide even when he butchers some words just because of how pouty he gets after. Thankfully though he’s a fast learner as he picks up on the words quickly.

•Gets scared easily by Slavic superstitions, like not whistling indoors or not shaking hands over a doorway. He doesn’t want to risk cursing himself. He’s pretty damn gullible like that..

•Loves the idea of big Slavic weddings and jokes about how he��d fight anyone to catch you in a wedding tradition like the ransom for the bride.

Bachira Meguru

•Thinks Slavic folklore is the coolest thing ever and wants to hear every single creepy story you know. If you mention the domovoi (house spirit), he’ll start leaving snacks out for it. “My monster told me too!”

•Tries to dance traditional Slavic dances with you but moves like a chaotic mess. He spins you too hard, dips you too low, and makes the whole thing a disaster—but he’s having fun. Even if he looks like a fish out of water..

•Mimics your accent on purpose if you have one, calling you cute things in an exaggerated voice just to mess with you. “Oh, моя любовь~” (my love~) while draping himself over you dramatically.

•Eats all the Slavic food you make without question. You could hand him something extremely questionable, and he’d just go. “Cool, let’s try it!”

•Absolutely obsessed with Slavic desserts, especially honey cake (medovik) and piroshki. He eats five portions in one sitting and then collapses into a food coma.

•Plays dumb pranks using your superstitions if you have any, like leaving empty bottles upside-down or putting a broom near the door to see how long it takes for you to notice. Always blames it on his monster after.

•Tries learning your language but only remembers insults and dramatic phrases. If you scold him, he just says, “Ты разбила мне сердце” (You broke my heart) and fake sobs.

Rin Itoshi

•Doesn’t act excited, but listens intently whenever you talk about your culture and actually remembers everything you say. But he would never admit to that.

•Picks up your native language ridiculously fast and starts talking shit to Sae in it so he won’t understand. Eventually grows mad when Sae learns it back just to spite him, coming to you to complain. “That asshole..”

•Finds Slavic superstitions stupid but will lowkey follow them anyway. If he sees you avoid passing things over a doorway, he starts doing it too.. just in case.

•Thinks some Slavic traditions are too much work but does them for you anyway. If your family expects him to do a long toast at dinner, he just sighs and goes, “Za nas” (To us). He’s also maybe doing it because of the harsh glare he’s getting from you beside him.

•Prefers simple Slavic dishes and will casually ask for them like it’s no big deal. “We’re having pelmeni again, right?”

•Absolutely hates large family gatherings, but tolerates them because of you. He won’t admit it, but he actually enjoys how warm and close-knit your family is. And if they aren’t? Better for him, he enjoys your company one-on-one anyways.

•If someone disrespects your culture, he’s immediately roasting them into the ground in your language. Even more so if you’re around.. just to hear you thank him.

Kaiser

•Finds your culture fascinating and brags about it to other people like it’s a flex. But more so as if he’s Slavic himself.. he doesn’t know much about his own German traditions so yours kind of become the filler until you force him to learn about his own. (He’s secretly grateful for it though, even if he never out right admits it)

•Purposely butchers your language just to piss you off but secretly practices it in private to surprise you later. “What do you mean I said it wrong? Isn’t it ____?”

•Will wear traditional Slavic embroidered shirts (vyshyvanka) just because he thinks it makes him look cool and romantic. You scold him about it later.

•Expects royal treatment whenever you cook for him, dramatically praising your skills like, “Ah, I’ve never tasted something this divine in my life.” But it sounds more mockingly than anything.

•Pretends superstitions don’t matter but visibly hesitates if he does something unlucky.

•Loves Slavic fairy tales and compares himself to the charming prince in every single one. But at the same time hates them because of how unrealistic they are…

•Wants to be the center of attention at big Slavic celebrations and somehow becomes everyone’s favorite foreigner by the end of the night.

•pisses you off daily just to see if you will put him in his place.

Nagi

•Too lazy to learn your language properly, but memorizes pet names and compliments. He loves calling you “моя звезда” (my star) in a sleepy voice. (Reo taught him.)

•Takes post-lunch naps seriously and uses Slavic resting traditions as an excuse to sleep more. ANY EXCUSE HE CAN TAKE, he uses.

•Eats anything you give him without question and doesn’t realize how long certain dishes take to prepare. He casually asks for complex meals like they’re instant. Will pout if you can’t make them.

•Doesn’t care about superstitions until something unlucky happens, then suddenly he’s like.. “Tch… maybe you were right.”

•Loves Slavic winter traditions like drinking hot tea with jam while bundled up in blankets.

Reo Mikage

•Tries to become an expert in your culture after one Google search. He wants to impress your family. Ends up actually studying after messing up ONCE and becomes completely fluent in anything and everything. You find it annoying just how fast he can learn.

•Spoils you with Slavic-themed gifts, traditional jewelry, books on folklore, expensive imported treats. Even if you say you don’t need them, especially if it’s just because it’s apart of your culture, he will end up pretending he never heard you. (He will be scolded by you later)

•Respects every superstition, even the weird ones. He once refused to hand you money directly because he didn’t want to bring bad luck. Going as far to make sure Nagi followed them too, at-least whenever he’s around you.

•Loves extravagant Slavic weddings and already plans yours in his head. Safe to say you won’t have to worry about anyone outdoing you guys or being disappointed.

•Gets tipsy at big family gatherings and starts toasting in your language with over-the-top romantic speeches. And you can’t tell who gets teased more after, you or him.

Barou

•Acts like he doesn’t care about your culture but secretly loves it and follows traditions better than you do. Somehow.

•Eats everything you cook but also demands to know the recipes so he can learn to cook it himself. If it’s a passed down recipe he will do anything in his power to obtain it (normally)

•Scares people at gatherings just by sitting there, but your relatives love him because he eats so much. And how he cleans up after everyone..

•Secretly follows superstitions but won’t admit it. You once saw him hesitate before shaking hands over a doorway.

•Admires the warrior mentality in Slavic history and compares himself to ancient warriors.

Chigiri

•Genuinely fascinated by Slavic culture and eager to learn. He’d listen intently when you talk about traditions, even taking notes mentally.

•Respects Slavic superstitions—if you say whistling indoors brings bad luck, he will immediately stop, no questions asked.

•Loves Slavic food, especially borscht and piroshki. Prefers lighter soups but will eat heavier dishes if you make them. Enjoys the ones with lots of nutrients as well

•Absolutely loves it when you braid his hair. If Slavic traditions involve hair significance, he takes it to heart. And he may or may not learn all he can about hair care there because WOAH.

•If your family is traditional, he’s so polite and well-mannered when meeting them. They end up fawning over him immediately.

•Will jokingly compare his speed to famous Slavic athletes and subtly flex his knowledge of your country’s soccer scene.(it’s not really a joke)

•If you teach him some Slavic phrases, he will use them secretly as insults to like anyone but your family. The only way someone notices is by the way he spits them out so sassily.

•If you celebrate name days, he will always remember and surprise you.

Otoya

•Loves hearing your traditional music and will tease you by trying to dance to it. He fails miserably and makes a fool out of himself. Your parents do not like him that much.

•Finds Slavic folk tales absolutely wild—he’ll be both amused and mildly disturbed by the darker ones. Even if he shows no emotion of such.

•Insists on calling you pet names in your native language but mispronounces them on purpose to mess with you. (Atleast that’s what he tells out.”

•Finds Slavic martial arts fascinating—if you know any, he’ll beg you to show him some moves. If you do teach him any, they turn into flirting techniques..

•Enjoys watching Soviet-era cartoons with you, even if he doesn’t fully understand them.

•If you tell him about superstitions like not shaking hands in doorways, he’ll do it anyway just to annoy you.

•attempts and fails to drink on the same level as ANYONE in your family, will be butt hurt about it

Hiori

•Deeply respects Slavic history and will actually research it on his own just to understand your background.

•Loves hearing old lullabies and folk songs—finds them oddly soothing. Especially if you sing any to him.

•Always remembers important holidays and traditions, even if you don’t expect him to.

•Finds Slavic architecture beautiful—if you ever take him to your country, he’d be mesmerized by old churches and castles.

•Prefers lighter dishes like cabbage rolls but won’t refuse food you make.

•If you believe in the evil eye, he’ll secretly carry an amulet or symbol for your protection.

•would try to learn the language but his accent makes it infinitely times harder

•isn’t good under the expectations of YOUR parents if they have any for him, poor guy gets PTSD

Kurona

•Quietly listens when you talk about your culture and never forgets small details.

•Wants to learn your language so he can communicate better with your family. And he might learn a few words.. but it also doesn’t help that he repeats them more than ness scary and the fact his sharp teeth hinder the pronunciation a bit

•If you have special rituals or greetings, he’ll participate even if he doesn’t fully get them. “Приветик.. Приветик..”

•Loves traditional pastries—he has a sweet tooth and will 100% steal a pirozhok when you’re not looking.

•If your country has brutal winters, he will bundle up ridiculously while you’re casually fine in the cold.

Ness

•Extremely romantic about Slavic traditions—if there’s a love-related superstition, he believes it 100%. Even more so when he sees ones about magic.. he’s like a kid from how bright his eyes light up

•Finds the concept of name days adorable and makes sure to celebrate yours. Always.

•If you tell him about protective charms or folk remedies, he’ll actually try them out. And that turns into all the time.

•Loves hearing you speak your language—will beg you to teach him endearing phrases. “Please leibe pleaseeee teach me something!”

•Traditional Slavic dances? He wants to learn. And yes, he will step on your feet.

•Enjoys your country’s fashion styles—if there are embroidered designs, he’ll wear them proudly.

•Might get way too invested in your culture’s soccer teams, just to bond with you.

Yukimiya

•Finds Slavic aesthetics stunning—from architecture to clothing, he genuinely admires it.

•Appreciates the poetic nature of Slavic languages—will ask you to read or recite something just to hear it.

•Respects traditional Slavic values and finds the family-centric culture beautiful. Your family LOVES HIM.

•Loves celebrating unique holidays with you, especially ones that involve big feasts.

•Wants to travel to your homeland and take professional-style photos of the scenery. Especially for his modeling career

•Enjoys classic Slavic literature and poetry, especially if you introduce him to it.

•If you follow old protection rituals, he might quietly participate just because he knows it matters to you. Even if he finds it a bit odd.. he could never say that to your face though.

Shidou

•Loves Slavic folklore, especially the dark or chaotic stories—he finds them hilarious. Loud about it too.

•Refuses to acknowledge superstitions unless he can use them to tease you. Earning a glare from you, always, and he can’t help but giggle at you like a school girl

•Would 100% challenge your family to drinking games during celebrations. Somehow holds his liquor up against most of them?? Becomes a regular after that

•Finds Slavic martial arts cool and will try to fight you for fun. But is always gentle with you until you make it clear you’re into it.

•LOVES the food—he will inhale every dish you put in front of him. Bros a dog. But will refuse anything that looks too weird..

•Will dramatically compare himself to folklore creatures just to annoy you. He loves the angry face you make whenever he does so

•Thinks name days are dumb but will still get you a present.

•Biggest flirt, even around your family. Earning him multiple slaps atop the head. Kicks to the shin. And ice cold glares. “Owww damn okay sorry..”

Sae

•Highly respectful of your culture but doesn’t express it verbally—just quietly participates.

•If you celebrate Orthodox holidays, he will observe and respect every custom. Not without complaining though. Drama queen.

•If you have a big, loud family, he finds them overwhelming but will still visit. As long as you listen to his rants later.

•Prefers modern Slavic literature over old folklore but won’t complain if you tell him stories.

•Watches your country’s soccer leagues just to understand your roots better. And maybe learn more..

•Enjoys the food but prefers lighter dishes. Will refuse anything he doesn’t truly want to eat, making up for it later

•If you teach him Slavic idioms or proverbs, he will use them at the perfect moments to flex on others. But he won’t tell anyone that(uses them on rin time to time)

Kunigami(before WC)

•Deeply respects Slavic traditions—he sees the importance of heritage and wants to honor it. His sisters pick up on it as well.

•If your culture has warrior legends or heroic figures, he’s interested in learning about them.

•Prefers simple, hearty meals like stews and stuffed cabbage—if it’s protein-packed, he’s all for it. Can not say no to your cooking if you cook for him, good or not.

•Very serious about respecting elders—if your family is strict, he’ll be overly polite. Becomes a favorite almost instantly

•Superstitions aren’t his thing, but if you tell him something is bad luck, he’ll take it seriously. Maybe a little too seriously

•Loves name days because it gives him another reason to celebrate you.

•Tries to learn your language but struggles with pronunciation—you’ll hear him practicing under his breath.

•Not a fan of vodka, but he will drink it if your family insists—and he’ll hold his liquor like a champ. Until you guys are alone…

Karasu

•Finds Slavic folklore wild and hilarious—he will 100% make fun of the creepier ones just to tease you. Then feels bad after..

•Loves Slavic curses and insults—if you call him something in your language, he’ll demand to know what it means. And just like a crow, repeats it after and holds onto that knowledge forever

•Not big on superstitions but will follow them just to mess with you—like pretending to test bad luck theories.

•Finds Slavic drinking culture impressive—will challenge your uncles to a drinking contest at family gatherings. WILL lose.

•Absolutely chaotic during holiday traditions—if there’s a festival or ritual, he’s doing it full force.

•Enjoys traditional Slavic dances but turns them into a joke—expect exaggerated spins and dramatic flair. Knows when to calm down when needed though.

•Gets a kick out of how strict Slavic grandmothers can be—if yours yells at him, he’ll take it as a challenge. (Mentally. He will not fight back otherwise.)

Tried my best! I hope you enjoy:)

[pastel-greene]

The Daughter | king!sukuna x curse user!reader

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Summary: The mother of curses happens upon a blind child and decides to impart a portion of her power to them as an experiment of sorts. The power morphs the child in their image until they are part curse and part human. So what happens when they get employed by the King of Curses? Will humanity bloom as newfound emotions flow between the two? Or will they usher in an era of never ending terror?

Notes: not all of this will be canon, it will be loosely based off of the jjk universe :) taglist is open, comment on any chapter to be tagged in future ones

Genre: female reader, fluff, angst, ‘loads’ of smut, violence, sukuna true form but like not with the weird face lmao just double set of eyes and arms, dark reader

Warnings: profanity, explicit smut (two dick sukuna, sadistic sex, biting, oral m & f receiving, pet names, more to be added), violence, depictions of gore, dark minds cause yk, mentions of rape, toxic relationships, chaotic neutral reader, trauma, possessiveness from reader and sukuna, torture, vampire themes (reader’s blood is infused with the Mother of curses so if a curse user is to drink it it basically gives them a temporary stat boost bc what can i say vampire sukuna seems hot), and more to be added as story progresses

Word count: 1.4k

This work contains mature content, so absolutely no minors I will block you if I find out :)

The battlefield roars around her as she lets out a feral laugh. The scent of blood bathes her skin as enemies around her burst at their seams as if allergic to their own viscera. Her power curls around her in dark tendrils, shadowy mist traveling from her feet and from it monstrosities spawn. From her being they are born, from her existence cursed energy sprawls damning the world. Humans and socerers alike flood to exterminate her like the blight she is, but their hatred and fear only makes her stronger. Their infected emotions only allow her entry into their minds, allow her new hosts for her children. With each minute, more and more of them succumb to the sickness and from their corpses new curses rise and fight. She is the unending threat, the undying plague, the Mother of Curses.

This was her life for an uncountable number of millenia for her existence started with the creation of light, for light could not exist with darkness. A life full of death, misery, and sadistic pleasure. That was until, she fell in love with a human. Not in a romantic sense, but in a maternal sense. It happened after a particularly interesting battle with a man donning white hair and crystal blue eyes. His technique and mastery over cursed energy was a sight she never expected. It left her more wounded than she had ever been. Of course, she wouldn’t die from it, but it still hurt like hell. So she found herself stumbling across the snowy expanse and upon a run down hut. It was warm and smelled of a hearty soup begging to calm her ailments. She approached the hut with little trepidation and swung the door open ready to evict whoever was inside, but she didn’t see anyone. She stepped further in and looked around but the place was empty. A trap perhaps? She thought. But where is the trapper? Is the food meant to lure victims in only to poison them? She again stepped further into the abode, further towards the food, but she sensed a presence. It seemed to lurch from nowhere straight towards her. She turned quicker than the being could register and grabbed them by the collar of their shirt and held them up.

“Let me go you you thieving piece of shit before I strangle you with your own damn innards, add you to the fucking stew, and drink it through your hollowed out eye sockets!”

….before you what? The mother of curses had never heard such a threat to her. Never heard something as unhinged and quite frankly gross as that, especially from what seemed to be a child. Yes, a child it was, one with white hair and eyes to match.

”What are you fucking deaf? Unhand me and get the fuck out!”

The Mother of Curses started laughing as she moved her hand to grab the child by the jaw, her shadows unarming the girl of the knife she thrashed throughout the air. Defiance sat on the child's face as she spat right on the Mother. Ohhh you are so fucking close to dying. You think being made into stew is bad? Just you fucking wait. I will show you the true reaches of pain. Up came the Mother’s free hand to wipe the spit off of her face before using the girl’s hair to dry it off. Then went her finger into the girl’s skull. A strangled scream ripped from her and she writhed in plea of escape.

Within her mind was vile. Her memories were dark scapes filled with throat wrenching smells and unknown touches. Her fear of being touched without being able to see stained each and every rotten corner of her mind. But as the Mother dug deeper, she could make out silhouettes, each with a different feeling. The child had learned to feel people’s energy and had used that to navigate.

That must be how she sensed me coming. And knowing she can sense other’s energies means that she can probably sense her own. Which would explain why I didn’t sense her at first because she has most likely learned to mute her presence altogether. Cheeky little assassin, yeah?

In her memories the Mother feels and smells a very familiar substance—blood. She pulls herself towards the memory drenched in it. A memory of the girl’s first kill. It starts with screams and sobs overpowered by hungry laughs and hands. It wasn’t the first time the girl had been in this predicament, but this time is what changed her. Something in her snapped and all of the beauty made by the Mother herself started pouring into the girl. Strength she hadn’t known before surged through her body and before she knew it her hands were slicing through people like butter. Now it was her hungry laugh drowning out their screams and sobs. Some pleaded which only earned them an audience with her teeth as a wicked smile pulled back her lips to introduce them. Into flesh they sank, blood pouring down her face and throat and dousing the room as she ripped back. A feral beast finally liberated from its cage.

The Mother had originally intended to pump her with cursed energy until she popped, but another idea came into her head. She decided to add onto the cursed energy the girl already possessed but not to kill her. To enhance her. To make her a spawn of the Mother of curses in human form. Her proven survival instinct and bloodlust were promising aspects for a spawn and her cooking smelled decent enough that she could at least cook for her if nothing else. The girl’s writhing calmed down as she felt the power flowing into her. Everything felt as if it was exploding inside her as her very makeup was being altered. Her bones grew denser, her blood grew richer, her muscles grew stronger, her hair grew darker until only a section of the light remained, and within her eyes bloomed irises of blood.

The Mother withdrew her finger and released the girl to collapse on the floor as she headed towards a pile of blankets in the corner. Her state haggard after parting with energy after being in such a state already. The girl sat there on her knees looking at her hands.

”You are going to overcook the soup. Hurry and serve it already,” she said whilst stretching out her legs under the small covers.

The girl looked back towards her, finally seeing the mask that hid the bone chilling aura she felt. She stared for a long minute before getting up and pouring the woman a bowl of her soup. She continued to stare at many things as she ate, things she had never seen before. It was beautiful. She would have cried if her intruder was not still present.

From that day on, the Mother stayed in that little run down abode with the girl. Teaching her how to use her new body, showing her the secrets to her ever growing powers. It was something the Mother never saw herself doing, but an experiment that had her shaking with anticipation. She had started to consider what it would be like to withdraw to her domain and leave her spawn behind to rule. She wanted to see the chaos that would ensue without her, wanted to see what curses would be born from a human with her powers. Someone with a different mind, someone hardwired differently. She knew her curses would always be stronger, but would hers be more adaptable? The Mother knew nature would create stronger sorcerers like that white haired prick, so she knew curses would need to evolve as well. They needed to possess intelligence as well as strength, needed to be able to amass followings behind them.

For this to happen, the Mother kicked the girl out of her own house 10 years after their meeting and out into the world on her 18th birthday. Most children would have screamed and cried, but she was excited. She knew from the past how to get by and figured if she could do it blind and basically powerless, that it would be exponentially easier now. She bowed to her Mother as they laid their hands on her.

“Show me you are worthy of my blessings. Make the heaven’s weep at your monstrosities and the realm beg for your pardon. Make me proud or take this dagger and bury it in your heart,” the Mother said with her usual smile as she unveiled her final present to the girl. The girl looked at the gift in awe as she took it into her hands.

“Don’t worry Mother, I will make you prouder than you can ever imagine.”

Notes: ahh hehe my writing is so rusty but I am really excited to write this idea. Updates should be (relatively?) frequent and I am determined to finish it lol. The following chapters will be told in first-person with (Y/N) tags. Canon in this story is that the reader has mostly black hair with only a small white section left and their irises are blood red. Going forward though I will use (h/c) and (e/c) so that it can suite whatever you want for your reading purposes. I hope you all have a wonderful day, see you in the next one muahhh~

[gabessquishytum]

Silly immortal throuple au where Hob and Dream were uni friends who got married for benefits and then drifted apart after graduation and mostly forgot about the whole thing. A decade later, Dream gets engaged to Calliope and has the embarrassing realization that, yes, the old friends with (platonic) benefits arrangement is still legally binding, and he does actually have to divorce Hob before the wedding. Luckily Calliope thinks the whole situation is hilarious, and helps him track down Hob via social media.

Hob is thrilled to hear from Dream! He agrees easily to cooperate with the divorce, but also wants to meet and catch up with his old buddy. Hob and Dream start spending more time together, Hob meets Calliope, and the old friendship is rekindled with her happily welcomed inclusion.

The thing is, Dream is becoming more and more aware that his feelings toward Hob are no longer as strictly platonic as they used to be. They aren't gangly awkward youths figuring themselves out anymore, they're grown men in the prime of their lives, and it's becoming all too difficult to ignore how handsome and self-assured Hob is now. As the divorce proceedings progress and his nuptials grow closer, Dream starts to realize that he's having a hard time imagining his and Calliope's future together without Hob also being in the picture.

Little does he know that Calliope and Hob are going through similar crises...

This is very silly and fun!!! Immortal throuple are such a wonderful concept because they compliment each other so nicely. It's easy to imagine how they would all love each other in different ways.

Hob gets a little sad as the divorce proceedings go through. To be honest it sucks a little bit to be single and divorced while his old best buddy gets married to a beautiful, kind and charismatic woman. He feels like maybe he just keeps making the wrong choices, over and over. He has all these dreams but none of them seem to come to fruition... and now he's having dreams about Dream and Calliope - about being a part of what they have. It's ridiculous. Hob is thinking that maybe he'll leave town before the wedding. Leave a nice gift and get out before he breaks his own heart.

Of course, he doesn't get that far. Calliope is sharp enough to spot Hob’s sadness, and she confronts him (gently), invites him back to her place and practically force feeds him wine until he makes a messy confession before passing out in her bed. He wakes up next morning horribly hungover... and with Dream sitting up next to him, stroking his hair while Calliope hands him a cup of coffee.

It's the start of a very new life. A beautiful, chaotic life where Hob doesn't have to worry about being divorced, because now he's going to get two spouses! And that's even better than one <3