#are cats afraid of self cleaning litter box

[twig-gy]

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Just wrote this review about a candle set I got for 5.95 on Amazon.

The best thing about these is the pretty container they come in. They are a bit smaller than I thought they’d be but for the price it’s actually fair. I just wish they burned longer. I felt like they lasted about as long as a tea light candle, but I think they are probably about the size of two or more at least.

I’m not mad I got them though, because it’s a nice little jar you can clean out and put little things in. Or if you’re a hoarder like previous generations of my family, you’ll get these and be pleased with what you got and since they are pretty small you can really pack them in somewhere. A definite plus to this purchase. My grandma would have absolutely LOVED these. She was a huge hoarder but she mostly contained it in back areas of the tiny house she lived in for like 70 years.

She had an entire Dollar general im that back room. 70 years of stuff!’ A lot of candles! 70! Thats 490 in dog years. Could you imagine a dog that is 490 years old ? Maybe one of the oldest men in the Bible that lived for like 1200 years had dogs that lived to be 490. These candles actually look like they might have come from some area in the Bible like the middle east or something, like that kind of design. The pictures really don’t do them justice. They look really shiny in the pictures both in the original ad here on the Amazon and in any of the nearly 250 photos I’ve taken of these to finally get the shot I’m including. I have OCD and things just have to be a certain way. If they aren’t I will really obsess over it. That is one of two reasons I rated these candles so high, that I do not regret purchasing them nor do I obsess about it. Sorry, was that a double negative? Oops. Anyway then second reason is that is that the design does look like it came from biblical stuff and that means burning the candle will really bring you blessings. It’s clearly a non denominational candle but don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Finally I’d like to add that my 18 year old daughter and thriving art student, upon smelling the candles, felt that they were very heavily scented. Take that for what you will, but I feel like despite what my child thinks (I love her but she’s kind of off, there’s one on those every generation I think, and she’s it. I blame it on her dad’s genes. She can’t help it though. Maybe his poor genetic makeup caused him to be sensitive to smells that really aren’t that strong, and he passed it down to my child. Maybe he and I both had recessive genes and they matched up. Either way, I regret marrying him. I do not regret my daughter, I love her very much despite her weird sense of smell ( I mean she wears A TON Of perfume so I don’t

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get why she’d think a tiny little candle would smell so strong) .

I think if someone else feels this way they should just burn it in a super stinky area. Like near a litter box. Did you know the Amazon has like 800 dollar litter boxes? I bet if Kim Kardashian had a Kat (haha get it with the Ks) she would have one of those. Maybe gold plated? My cat really has problems with producing smelly movements in her box and stuff. I’m not sure if that is normal, I guess it might have something to do with the fact that we haven’t been getting her food or her box or her litter from the Amazon. She gets a nice brand food. I wonder if there were 490 year old cats? Sorry I hate to go off topic, back to Kim K. She likely wouldn’t have a cat in that minimalist home of hers, with the white furniture that is the entire expanse of her living room that she will literally not allow her children to be on. She’d be afraid of cat fur or puke or whatever. What’s the point! Don’t you want to enjoy life? Let your kids be happy? Kids need a pet, and more often than not a cat is the best option, they are super self maintenance, just grab all your supplies here on the Amazon, including these strongly scented candles for their olfactory crimes. Kim, get them a cat.

Maybe you should ask them first though, I once tried to force my son to adopt a lizard on his birthday and it was so wrong of me. No one should be surprise gifted an animal they might not even be able to look at. He would have preferred this candle set, which by the way I am unsure if I mentioned it came in a nice little box that I looked at for at least a full minute before putting it in the recycling. Usually I toss em straight in, but you, I thought about keeping you, mon frere, my little box, you deserved a minute of my attention. I bet you’re the prettiest box being recycled in all of today. Of course the Amazon also put it inside another bigger box, like little Russian nesting dolls for free of charge. I love them.

So I keep slipping off topic and forgetting to continue to talk about what’s really important here, Kim kardashian and her children. Kim,You’re so filthy rich you could buy like 8 million sofas. I don’t know if they have living room size sofas on Amazon but you can search that up. Respond below if you find a good deal. And listen Kim, you could get like 8 million of these candles right here, and burn them all, just watch the flames as California has seen enough fire. #notajoke #forrealthatwasawful #sad #prayforcalifornia #itsliterallyalwaysonfire

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Anyone who lost their homes in those fires asks you to please burn these beautiful candles, that I mildly enjoyed, in a safe and responsible manner. Don’t use them to light sparklers for your children on the Fourth of July! No one needs to burn a candle outside in the July unless it’s a citronella anti mosquito candle (they have some great deals on those here on the Amazon) or if it’s a special event, like a formal event. I do not recommend these candles for anything other than small tiny little table candles and I don’t think they match most wedding decor. One of the patterns does have flowers that look like cannabis (can I say that? It’s true!) so I imagine if you are opposed to that sort of thing you won’t want these and it might clash with your floral arrangements. Also not good for lihjtingnoathways or using as a candle in your hand to light your way. It’s not bright enough, and it gets too hot and you can’t really hold onto it, so you’ll need to find say, a lantern with a handle if you want to sneak out into the garden at night to go to the garden and think about whether you really want to marry this person…floral arrangements or not.

So, since I mentioned weddings I realize that like many marriages, the flames (of my candle set) have blown out. If anyone wants to buy me more, let me know. There’s a candle, here on the Amazon, that burns for 110 hours though, so I’d rather have that, please. Thank you and good luck in your candling, friend. If that’s not a word, it should be. As you can see by the way I really pressed the point about these candles, that they are far more than just a smell to cover up cat diarrhea.

Oh! And I should mention, the scent of these candles kind of ran together, and there’s no proper labeling on them to tell me what is what. I felt that they smelled kind of vanilla but my 18 year old daughter, who has found out about my pending review here and my scathing comments about her genetic makeup, is insisting that I remove her from this content. I’m not going to however, I feel that what I said needs to be noted. When I said she was off, I never meant anything bad. She’s just, like the candles, different in a good way! Being normal is boring, if you’re reading this my dear child. If you insist I will buy you a candle set here on Amazon, and I won’t judge you for having literally no real idea of what it smells like. Since I’m being so non judgemental here (this review has been really cathartic for me guys) I just want to say to Kim K, I do feel a tad bad about what I said to you. Clearly you could never have a cat, since your children’s father is Kanye West, who I believe Wikipedia says is legally not allowed to be around animals. We also know you’re busy with the nba choosing your skims line of underwear/shapewear/things.

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I would try them but Amazon does not currently carry them. Again no judgement, but Amazon sells these no name, supposedly strongly scented candles, but they do not carry your Skims.

Enough about Kim, I tried to get her to buy all of the basketball players in the NBA with cats some of these candles and she won’t do it, again another analogy she procreated with Kanye west but she won’t gift deserving NBA players a candle set. Way to miss that basket, Kim.

No matter what has been said about anything in this short explanation of this candle set; my children, hard of smelling or not; are the most important thing to me. Thank you Amazon for allowing me to be able to feed my children and enjoy mediocre products like this candle set at the same time. Kinda low key sus that you want me to pay $9.95 for grocery delivery if I don’t spend $50, but there’s a time and a place for that and this is not it. I’ve probably already reached the 500 character limit on this chat box anyway.

So I haven’t forgotten my son as I said, this review wouldn’t be complete, seeing as how I mentioned my older child by that I had with my first husband who never let me buy jack squat on the Amazon, biblical candles or no, anyway, look kid, I’m sorry about the lizard thing. I’ll make it up to you one day. It might take me 1200 years, but that’s like 2 and a half 490 year old dogs, or like the six of these candles that you’d need to burn them all day long times 365 days in a year times 1200 years, it might take me keeping that flame going, but I promise you one day we’ll be free, free of the tyranny…I mean, one day I will make it up to you. And I hope that to those who are reading this, may your decision on this purchase weigh heavily on your heart, mind and soul, because they come in a nice container, and that really saved the purchase for me.

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remind me to add ids in a rb later or something but i am now deathly afraid of my mom /silly

[dekatsu]

Part 1 of Katsuki meeting the cat. (Not sure if this will be a bkdk fic yet)

Part 2 here

Katsuki meets it when he comes back home after a two weeks trip to his parents’ place. It looks at him, tongue still tentatively hanging out from where it was lapping at the milk someone placed on the ground for it. They stare at each other for all of eight seconds before it scurries away as if chased by the devil himself.

Katsuki stares after it, looks around the apartment, takes all the new additions in and resolutely decides to ignore it until it sorts itself out. He doesn’t even bother asking his damn roommate about the new addition to their apartment.

When he does meet Todoroki later for dinner, he doesn’t lose any words about it so Katsuki follows his example. Before he leaves for his room, he sees Todoroki place a fresh bowl of water on the ground before he, too, leaves for his room.

And so the cat exists somewhere between them as they all play this game of ignorance. Todoroki puts food out for it, takes care of the cat litter box and that’s about it. Katsuki ignores the cat, Todoroki ignores the need for an explanation and the cat ignores them both. 

It works out just fine for Katsuki, until he catches sight of it convulsing randomly. Katsuki narrows his eyes at it, carefully watching the convulsions repeat themselves over and over again, until the cat sees him and then scurries off again, very obviously displeased with his presence. 

Look, it’s not like Katsuki hates animals. He generally likes them, especially if they are small and round. But cats are a special kind of breed which don’t mesh with him. It’s like their asshollery and his own can’t see eye to eye so he’s predetermined to be hated by them. 

He’s had twenty years to get used to it. But those weird convulsions make him worry. Asking Todoroki would probably lead to nothing therefore Katsuki looks it up online. 

It takes him three searches and two youtube videos to determine that the cat has hiccups. 

After the fifth time he catches sight of it hiccuping, he goes shopping, buys cat food, a collar and some stuff he would need for the cat’s bath. Later at dinner, Katsuki gives Todoroki the bill and forbids him from feeding the cat anything he doesn’t okay. 

Todoroki, just like Katsuki had expected, shrugs and transfers him the money by the next day. That night Katsuki carefully lays out a trap with some fresh treats he had bought and surprisingly enough, manages to catch the cat on his first try. 

It all goes south when it turns fluid and slips out of his grip while he reaches for the shower head. Todoroki who’s been standing by the door and watching like the plant that he is, doesn’t do anything as the fiasco unfolds.

“Shut the damn door,” Katsuki shrieks, dripping wet now but the fucking asshole just leans back and lets the damn cat pass by. “What the fuck?”

“I didn’t want to get wet,” Todoroki says, pointing at the wet trail the cat left behind. 

Katsuki aims the shower head at him and watches unamused as Todoroki imitates the cat with his hurried escape from the bathroom. Katsuki shuts the tab, rubs the water out of his eyes and allows himself a deep sigh before he goes off to find his wet roommates. 

It’s a girl and apparently she has no name. Todoroki stares at the name tag Katsuki pushed under his nose for all of five seconds before he looks up at Katsuki with a horrified expression. “A name?”

“You gonna call her a cat or something?”

“I can’t name her,” Todoroki whispers. “She hates me.”

Katsuki stares at him. “What?” 

“The first time I touched her, she shrieked as if I was about to kill her.”

“So what?”

“She’s…”

“You scared of her or what?” 

“Of course not,” Todoroki says. His expression gives nothing away. 

Katsuki narrows his eyes. He can tell right away that Todoroki is in fact very much scared of their new roommate. He really wants to know why they are keeping a cat when the owner is scared shitless of her but he holds his tongue. 

Todoroki and Katsuki have this nice thing going on, wherein they ignore each other and their stupid ass decisions. Todoroki had wanted to get away from his father and Katsuki wanted the kind of freedom his parents’ home couldn’t give. So, after high school they had agreed to room together, having had less than five conversations but knowing about each other through Kirishima. 

He’s afraid if he inquires about the cat, Todoroki might unload his family situation on him. There are many things Katsuki can deal with, the hints of Todoroki’s family drama make him believe that that’s something he would rather like to avoid. 

“You name her,” Todoroki says, pushing the tag into his hands and disappearing into his room. 

Katsuki stares after him, hears clatter near the door to the kitchen and looks there just in time to see the cat stare at him. They hold eye contact for a whole of twelve seconds before she suddenly hiccups and makes a run for it. 

Katsuki narrows his eyes and trails her steps into the kitchen. 

The bag of treats lies half empty on the floor. Of course it does. Cleaning up the mess, Katsuki vows to get some safety locks to keep the little thief out of his kitchen. 

Katsuki is cleaning out the litter box the next day, when Todoroki approaches him and lifts an eyebrow. “Kuri,” he asks Katsuki after seeing the name tag on the table. Then he turns to look at the cat, who is very obviously not chestnut coloured. 

Katsuki follows his gaze to see Kuri lying on the windowsill and slowly licking at her own grey paw. Most of her fur is grey with a few bits of white peeking out here and there. “‘Cause she hiccups but shakkuri is a mouthful.”

Todoroki doesn’t comment further and goes to the bathroom, leaving Katsuki to his work.

Two weeks later and her ears twitch whenever she hears her name. It’s satisfying enough to him that he finds himself add a few more treats to her dinner.

It happens one month and four days after Katsuki walked into his apartment and discovered that he had a new roommate, that said roommate sneakily crawls on top of Katsuki’s chest and curls up there.

Todoroki stumbles on the way to the kitchen after catching sight of them. He stands there for a whole two minutes before Katsuki finally sees him and snarls at him. “Stop staring. I’m no fucking circus.” It comes out weaker than usual, what with him lying on the couch with a cat happily snoozing on his chest. He’s got one hand carefully petting her hair while the other makes sure that she doesn’t slide down. 

And then Kuri purrs. 

Katsuki stares at her, incredulous. In front of him, Todoroki snorts out a loud laugh before he hurries away, at the very least self-aware enough to realize he’s risking his neck. Now that the nuisance is gone, Katsuki stares at Kuri and imagines a world in which he’s got only one feline roommate. 

They continue to coexist. Katsuki doesn’t get rid of his roommate, Kuri approaches him randomly for some pets before she goes off to do whatever little assholes do and Todoroki stares at him reverently from time to time.

He had asked for advice on how to approach Kuri once, realized again that Kuri hates him as Katsuki cackled in the background, and disappeared into his bedroom to sulk and lick his wounds

One morning, after Katsuki returns from a morning run, he finds Todoroki sitting in front of the door, sporting an assortment of new scratches across his face and a very empty cat carrier. 

“Thank god,” he says as soon as he sees Katsuki walking up to him. “You do it. I can’t deal with that,” Todoroki tells him and shoves the carrier into his arms. “I’m just gonna…go.” 

Katsuki watches him walk to the stairs for a moment before he asks, “Do what exactly?”

“Midoriya is back. We gotta give her to him.”

Leaving that bombshell behind, his asshole roommate disappears down the stairs. 

Katsuki stares at the carrier, Kuri carefully spelled out on top of it in his own handwriting. When he enters the apartment, the first thing he sees is the new cat tree he had bought two days ago and when he bends down to undo his shoelaces, Kuri comes to swipe her tail carefully across the knuckles of his right hand before she disappears into Katsuki’s old shoe box in the kitchen. It’s her latest favourite spot. 

Katsuki stares at her, suddenly overwhelmed with anger. Why the fuck did Todoroki let him name her if she’s got an owner already? What the fuck has the owner been up to for the last two months? What does he even do with all the cat shit he bought now that he has to return his roommate? Todoroki didn’t even pay him shit after the first time.

Katsuki stares at the carrier, opens the front door and carefully places it outside. He doesn’t care who this Midoriya person is but if he wants to take Katsuki’s roommate, he better come and persuade her himself. Katsuki won’t return her if she doesn’t want to leave. 

Midoriya can have Todoroki for all Katsuki cares. Kuri doesn’t like Todoroki anyway.

Mildly appeased by the thought, Katsuki prepares a nice treat for Kuri.

part two

[twoblueheartslocked]

Seblaine- Present Day (End Of July/YEAR 1)

Para: Now I Wake Up By Your Side My One and Only, My Lifeline

Rating: NC-17.

Pairing: Seblaine.

Sebastian: @colorsicantsee

Blaine: @twoblueheartslocked

Time: Year One: Present Day- End of July, about a month  after You’re Every Song I’ve Ever Loved. 

Location: Sebastian’s Apartment- Manhattan, New York

Info:  Blaine gets brave and spends the weekend at Sebastian’s apartment. Blaine lets himself explore Sebastian even more. They have a heart to heart.

Warnings: This particular Para is smutty and sweet. Also has major mentions of past abuse. This rp as a whole mentions past abuse(Physical, mental and sexual), post unwanted sexual situations, anxiety, depression, negative body image, drug use, alcohol use, cussing, death(parents).

Extra Warnings: (This RP is not Kurt Hummel friendly. You’ve all been warned.)

Title Taken From: Dress by Taylor Swift

Under Cut for content.  As usual, the para is mostly unedited.

 Blaine’s POV:

 The scorching July sun beat down on Blaine as he swiftly and hurriedly shuffled down the last two blocks to get to Sebastian’s apartment, head down so people would leave him be. It was the kind of melted butter day where the world  felt too bright and sticky and everything had a muted orange sheen to it, like an old film from the 1970’s. Still there was beauty to it, the way the early evening glow slowly dripped and sizzled over the city in a lazy haze. He was still a bit frazzled from his short subway ride over to Manhattan, his arms still tightly locked around  Soot’s little cat carrier to clutch her close. She seemed to be just as anxious as he was, her orange eyes wide and worried.

 He hated taking the Subway, it was cramped and people liked to talk to you and get into your face and sometimes they even tried  and succeeded in touching you. People screamed at each other and sometimes there were fights and it was all so triggering that he almost regretted doing it, however, it was the fastest way to Sebastian’s apartment and he didn’t want his boyfriend to think he was completely incompetent. He’d declined Seb’s offer to send an uber or taxi and declined his offer to send his driver. He’d also declined Seb’s offer to drive over himself… He’d told him he’d be fine and to just let him do this. Because Blaine wanted and needed to do this on his own. 

 If he were going to be making an effort to visit his boyfriend at his home more often he needed to get there on his own. Seb managed to get to him just fine. They’d spent the last seven months sort of pretending that Blaine’s little slice of Brooklyn was the only part of New York that existed and it was entirely selfish of Blaine to ask that it remain that way. He used to love Manhattan, but now he only came here rarely for certain school things he couldn’t do in Brooklyn. However, maybe with Sebastian he could learn to love it again. He was an adult and he was getting better and more comfortable with himself and his skin every day that he spent with Sebastian in his life. 

 He tried not to think too hard about that though because here he was, acting as if he’d taken a huge step and yet he’d had to bring his cat with him like a security blanket. He’d told Seb it was because she was scared to be alone for the two days Blaine planned to be gone, but he knew that it was entirely for him. Soot would have been fine on her own. She liked to sleep in his window almost all day and played with her toys loudly at night more often than not. With enough food and water she’d have been fine for forty eight hours. Blaine just couldn't bring himself to close the door in her adorable little face and walk away for that long though. Seb had promised him it was okay for her to come and that he’d already taken care of what she’d need there even before Blaine had asked. Of course he did.

Blaine finally managed to find Sebastian’s building, the brick on the front of it a light shade of grey, which was surprising because it appeared so clean, light colors wouldn't be so clean on Blaine’s block. The alternating greys were so different from the grimy brick on his

Building and Blaine instantly felt self conscious. He took a deep breath and pulled Soot’s mini crate closer, shushing her little mews gently as he tightened his grip on his backpack. 

 “You can tell he’s here, can’t you?” Maybe she couldn’t, but the little ball of energy suddenly was all meows and feistiness as they neared the entrance of the building.  Seb had been around at least two times a week since they’d gotten her and Blaine had secretly taken to calling Seb her papa in his head. Not that he’d ever say that to his boyfriend or anything. But she loved him and he seemed to enjoy her just as much, spoiling her each time he visited. It seemed Sebastian had a thing for spoiling those he cared about- Blaine was still reeling from the compact little record player that had been sent to his apartment not even three days after their record store date. The thought made Blaine smile and he felt himself relax as he pushed Seb’s buzzer and before he knew it he was standing just inside Sebastian’s apartment, his shabby slip ons mucking up the perfect hardwood. 

 The one bedroom apartment was huge by New York City standards and built for a bachelor.  Blaine wanted to curl into himself. Creeping thoughts about how if he touched the walls or the floors with his fingers his fingertips would leave grime behind from his own home. He knew it was silly, Blaine kept his tiny, shabby place clean and cozy and made the most out of his fleeting space. But, standing here in Sebastian’s gorgeous, minimalist space he felt like a speck of rust that ruined an otherwise perfect surface. The only indication that Sebastian even lived here at all was the blue Columbia University blanket crumbled on the sofa, showing Blaine that maybe Seb fell asleep there sometimes, and a few folders stacked up on the small, two seater breakfast bar. Probably some items for summer classes or things for his next semester. 

 Blaine bit his bottom lip to steady his breathing before setting down her crate so that he could reach out for his boyfriend. He pulled him close, feeling his body instantly melt into his touch. He gave Seb a hello kiss and in return Seb gave Blaine a smile that only he got to see and it told him he was being ridiculous, that he shouldn’t be afraid of an apartment, especially one that Sebastian spent his free time in.  He pulled back after his kiss, but did not pull away. 

 “Your apartment is pretty much exactly like I imagined it. Very… you.” He smiled, trying to keep himself in line. Blaine was finished with classes for the summer and had taken to working extra hours at Bookish and the bar so that he could pick up the slack and so that he wouldn’t get behind on bills and rent and things for Soot, so even thought they’d seen each other the same, it felt a bit like he’d not seen Seb much even if it weren’t the truth.

“Is it completely silly to say I’ve missed you this week?” 

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian spent his morning cleaning. Sure, he could have called somebody in to do it, but he liked to do it himself. Plus, it kept his hands busy and the surprise swell of nerves in his stomach at bay. The apartment was always spotless but he wanted to impress Blaine. He even ran to the store and grabbed a few groceries, as his kitchen was usually pretty bare except for a few essentials (bread, peanut butter, coffee….) Seb grabbed some oat milk, pancake mix, cinnamon, and bacon. He liked it when B made them breakfast for dinner and recognized the ingredients from his own kitchen. Blaine would probably enjoy working in a pretty much unused kitchenette. 

He’d bought a small litter box and litter (which was confusing as fuck, Clumping? Scented? Dust free?) and set up the disgusting thing in his small laundry room. The setup this time was just as bad as when he helped his boyfriend with his, and little flecks of gray got all over the clean tile. Sebastian immediately regretted not buying something to set it on. The messes would be worth it, though, to make Blaine comfortable in the apartment. 

 Sebastian was laying on the couch when he heard a small knock on the door. He looked through the peephole to see the other man clutching his pet carrier which was such an endearing sight that a small grin spread across his face. He opened the door and the two of them were immediately in an embrace.  “Is that a good thing?” Seb looked over his shoulder around the living area. “I know it’s sort of plain but, it’s less to worry about.”

 Sebastian stepped aside after another kiss so that B and Soot could come inside. “Not silly at all.. I’ve missed you, too. Like...a lot.” He bit his lip and raised his eyebrows and hoped his boyfriend would catch on to the implication he was trying to make. “And we have two whole days to make up for that.” Sebastian reached out and pulled Blaine in again for a few playful kisses that ended up sort of intense, with hands under shirts and sighs on lips. He would have let Blaine press him into the door right then and there if it weren’t for the small shrieks escaping from Soot who was still in her crate. 

 “Should probably let her out and get acquainted with the place.”

 Blaine’s POV:

 “It’s a good thing, Seb and it’s not plain. It’s organized and simple. A little afraid perhaps? Like maybe you’re afraid to show too much of yourself to anyone that might come over. Lucky for me I know you, and maybe one day you’ll have a classy Wonder Woman poster over your sofa instead of a blank space.” He winked, grinning in his teasing and hoping Sebastian didn’t take an offence to his assessment.

 A little tremor of desire slid down his body and rested in his core as Sebastian told him he missed him a lot. Blaine could hear the thinly veiled lust edging out Sebastian’s sure voice and he wanted nothing more than to show him right now that he’d missed him just as much. He licked his lips, his breath hitching and body buzzing with anticipation of just what might happen over the next two days. 

 Slowly, the thought of being in a strange place didn’t feel so strange when Seb was looking at him like that and when he was touching him with care and affection.  Even now Sebastian was looking out for him. His boyfriend clearly had things on his  mind, very much seemed to want to do more than just kissing, but he made sure to start everything softly, something Blaine still needed. He made sure to pull him close and kiss him gently first and then made his move. Sebastian’s long fingers gripped at Blaine’s hips under his shirt and just above the band of his jeans, and Blaine kissed back with just as much intensity, his fingers slipping up Seb’s shirt to toy with the faint trail of hair that dusted his tummy and lead to parts of his boyfriend body that he very much wanted to touch and tease.

He could feel the tightening of desire in the pit of his stomach with each slide of their tongues. It was a feeling that he was relearning wasn’t a bad thing as he and Sebastian got closer and became more confident. Blaine wanted him more and more as the weeks and months marched on. The want and act of asking or better yet, showing how badly he needed and wanted to be touched was something he thought he’d never feel positive about again. But, with Sebastian he found himself imagining more experimental things. Since they started getting intimate over the last few months they’d explored, of course. They’d touched and tasted each other, and had moved together in Tagore sheets. Blaine had had panics and Seb had even had some moments where he sort of tensed up for a second only to brush it off in the heat of the moment. They always fell into rhythm and seemed to reach each other’s body perfectly, but sometimes Blaine found he wanted to whisper filthy things to Sebastian or he wanted to nip at his flushed skin while his boyfriend moaned underneath him.

 Sometimes they’d be having sex and Blaine’s fingers would rest against Seb’s slender neck and his boyfriend would tilt his head back as if giving him permission to do what he wanted to him and Blaine would wonder what it would feel like to squeeze just a little bit. Wondered if he’d feel the frantic flutter of Seb’s heartbeat under his fingertips, or the rumble of his intensified moans. He wanted to pin Seb’s arms above his head and press them firmly into the pillows to keep him from touching either one of them, make him beg for every little roll of his hips and then kiss the breath from him until he couldn’t take it anymore. The thoughts always edged him even closer. Only then he’d remember what Kurt had done, all the bruises on his own neck and the name calling and slut shaming. The ridicule and power trips that turned into Blaine lying there afraid to move.  None of that was consensual or fun and the thoughts made him second guess what was right and he’d end up just sliding his fingers into Seb’s hair or pressing them against Seb’s chest to where at least he still got to feel his heartbeat in some way

 How could Blaine ask for anything like that after everything he’d been through? Surely Seb would think he was projecting, right? It didn’t feel that way to Blaine though, to him it felt like trust. Like he was able to be himself and maybe these were things he was into before his life went to shit with his parents in that crash, before their deaths crushed him to almost nothing. Before he himself, and then  Kurt shattered what was left…Maybe one day he’d work up the courage to just ask what Seb might be into, and maybe he could give it to him.   Still, he was getting better, and knowing that was enough for him for now. He was more comfortable with being desperate and breathless for his person.

 Blaine didn’t want to let go, he’d worked up the courage to slip his hand down the front of Seb’s pants and just as he was about to wrap his fingers around his boyfriend Seb stopped kissing him. He reluctantly withdrew his hand and could still feel the heavy weight of his boyfriend’s arousal on his fingertips. They had time. Apparently Soot didn’t like seeing her parents get intimate. He sighed, the little annoyed meows beckoning them to part and Blaine had the urge to just open the little door and let the little baby terror find her own way round the flat. He straightened his shirt and adjusted himself, uncomfortable from how hard he was now and having to abruptly stop. He bent down and opened the door. Soot’s petite head instantly poked out and she gave them both the most annoyed look as if to say; hey, I’m the most important, how could you forget me in there? Blaine gave her a smile and coaxed her out more by pitching his voice a bit.  

 “Come on, sweet little beastie. Come tell Sebastian thank you for letting you crash his super clean home.” He laughed as she seemed to do just that as she pranced over to Sebastian and head butted his ankle as a hello. “Couldn't just fall asleep in there for like an hour, could ya?” He was teasing of course. Soot pretty much always came first. He looked up at Seb, his boyfriends face was still flushed, and his pupils were still wide with want and Blaine wondered if they’d make it to nightfall at all. 

 “I don’t suppose you’d like to give the two of us a little tour? That way she knows where to eat and go to the bathroom and I get to see the place where I may let you get some sleep tonight.” He knew he was blushing as he said the last part, his lips curled into a bashful smile, his voice suddenly very shy. He had surprised himself with his little innuendo.

 “I mean, well, you know what I mean…”

 Sebastian’s POV:

Seb sighed and tugged his clothes back into place. He smiled when the small black cat bumped his ankle affectionately and looked up to find Blaine who seemed just as disheveled as he was. “Scoop her up and I’ll show you where I set everything up.” Cats were usually pretty disagreeable when it came to carrying them around but it seemed like Soot didn’t mind anytime B held her. They both probably needed the comfort after such short, hard lives. Seb led  them to the small laundry room where the litter box and food were set up. “I forgot to get a water bowl so, hopefully this will work. I,uh, stole it from a restaurant a while ago.” He pointed to the porcelain tea cup gilded with gold paint. “I was drunk at this stuffy place and...well, yeah. It’s a cat dish now.” 

 They let Soot sniff around her new digs as they walked around the rest of the apartment. She seemed a little afraid but okay, already comfortable on the arm of the couch. He motioned towards the bathroom and his bedroom. Sebastian stood outside of the open door and felt a thrill spark low in his body. “I expect you to keep me up late.” 

 He reached forward slowly so as to not surprise Blaine and toyed with the collar on his shirt. “I know exactly what you mean. It’s super hot when you talk like that.”  Seb bit his bottom lip and let his free hand reach for the door handle behind him. “Why wait for night?” He opened the door and walked backwards with his hand gently pulling Blaine inside.  The room was just as simple as the rest of his place- a small black dresser with a matching nightstand and bed decked out in all navy blue. Maybe letting B decorate with little splashes of color might be a good thing but they had other business to attend to at the moment. 

 “The bed is awfully comfortable…” He sat on the edge, B stood in front of him. Sebastian’s hand slid down his boyfriend’s clothed chest to cup him through his jeans. “I think the sheets need a little messing up, though. Don’t you?” 

 Blaine’s POV:

“You stole a teacup? Adult drunk you must’ve been a character.” It was destructive, sure, but it was a harmless prank and no one got hurt. Of course there was a good reason Sebastian didn’t drink anymore, things like this had become hurtful in different ways. Seb was sober now and Blaine was proud of him. But he couldn’t help himself and fought a smile as he took in the sight of the little cat box and dishes Sebastian had set out for the little ball energy. Soot sniffed around, stole a few pieces of food and darted off in the direction of the living room, satisfied. She was nervous but he could tell she felt safe here, how could she not, she had both of her favorite people to watch over her. Before Blaine could say much  more she had turned herself into a vibrating  loaf of black fur on the arm of the couch.

 Blaine let himself look around the bedroom, it was pristine and hardly looked lived in. However,  the navy blue was a comfort, it reminded him of Dalton days and nights spent driving around the Westerville back roads with Sebastian by his side, hand in hand and belting out terrible pop songs. But it was much bigger than his room now. It was more open and the bed was bigger, it didn’t look like it would squeak if you put pressure on it. He had a small moment of panic, he’d gotten used to the way his bedroom walls encased them, keeping them safe as they moved together, but that was silly and Blaine knew it. He looked up at Seb, his words sending a little thrill through him. He knew that Seb’s arms could keep him safer than the flimsy walls of his apartment and that what he was missing was the familiarity of it all. He licked his lips, the lust and desire returned times ten to the pit of his stomach.

 “I think I can do that…”

 He trailed off as Sebastian reached out for him gently, his skin prickling pleasantly where his fingertips very lightly touched his neck as he toyed with his shirt. He moved forwards with Seb as his boyfriend sat down on the edge of the bed and touched him through his jeans. Sebs’s lips were quirked in a sly smile and yet he was still aware of what Blaine needed to be comfortable, still showed his hands and even though he was guiding him, he still let Blaine call the shots. Blaine bit his bottom lip, his breath hitching as Seb’s fingers caressed him through the thick cloth of his jeans. He closed his eyes for a moment, collecting himself, steadying himself. He felt overwhelmed again, as was always the case with Sebastian, that he wanted too much all at once. He wanted to touch him, taste him, fuck him, wanted to make him squirm underneath him, wanted Seb to kiss bruises into his sensitive, forbidden neck, wanted to watch as Seb swallowed around him- eyes always bright, heavy and wanting as he did so. The thoughts made his cheeks heat up as he reached out and cupped his boyfriend's face in his hands, and pressed his hips into his fingers.

 “My plan is to keep the bed messy all weekend long…” 

 The words were murmured against Seb’s lips before he licked into his mouth. He pressed on Sebastian’s shoulders  down and over so that he was lying back against the bed, his head haloed by blue pillows. Without thinking too much about the late afternoon light still surrounding them and leaving nothing hidden, he pulled his shirt over his head and let it drop to the ground before moving to undo his own jeans, watching Seb’s face as he stripped down. He was still self conscious in his skin, years worth of abuse leaving him that way,  but he loved the way his boyfriends eyes devoured each bit of skin he exposed, like he wanted to taste it all. He was getting better. He made sure Seb saw all of him before moving to tug Seb’s sweats down and he wasn’t disappointed that that’s all he had on, his boyfriends cock sprang free and hard and it was so satisfying to Blaine that he was already so hard just from kissing and looking. 

 He watched Seb for a moment, his boyfriend stretched out over the bed, his legs already spread fo him and waiting and god he was fucking perfect and Blaine felt that creeping want to pin him down and just have his way with him wash over him. He blushed, a little ashamed of himself at the thought, but not enough to get rid of the thought entirely. He motioned towards the nightstand, a usual palace to keep condoms and lube and wasn’t surprised that they were there, but a little surprised that Seb had gone out and gotten Blaine’s specific type. It made him feel good, even though it was basically a given. He took one out of the box and took the lube before moving to the bed and crawling up so that he was between Seb’s spread legs, his head rested against his thigh as he slowly stroked him up and down before taking him into his mouth. He tasted like soap and a tangy flavor that was just so Sebastian that Blaine moaned around him, wanting nothing more than to taste the rest of him. He slicked his fingers up, his tongue swirling around the head of Seb’s cock, his eyes locking with his boyfriends, silently asking if he was doing okay. He wasn’t even sure he was good at this anymore, and had been made to feel like he was terrible at all of it. But, being with Seb had shown him that wasn’t true. He felt bold today, maybe not as bold as he wanted to be, but bold enough to take control for a moment.

 He let his slick fingers move from Seb’s cock and down fondling and tugging in all the right places before gently pressing two of them  inside of his boyfriends body, slowly pumping them in and out as he sunk his mouth all the way down on his, relishing in the feeling of him in the back of his throat and heavy on his tongue. Seb’s legs fell open even more in response. 

Sebastian’s POV:

 Sebastian loved the confidence that Blaine had as he pressed him into the bed and undressed in the glimmer of the Manhattan golden hour. He caught a glimpse of the old B, before Kurt had taken him and torn him in half like a piece of junk mail, when he crawled between his legs. Their eye contact didn’t break once and his lips were quirked into a little smirk. If he wasn’t so fucking turned on and hard, he’d mention that he was proud but, that could be a topic for later. 

 He let his body be open and ready. Seb wanted Blaine to know that he had him and had his trust and could do whatever he wanted. They could go as slow or as fast as he wanted, Sebastian wanted to experience it all with him. They had so much to catch up on, after all. 

 Seb sighed as he felt Blaine’s head rest against the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. Goosebumps spread over his arms and it felt like the burn of desire raced from his cock all the way to his toes and up to his fingertips. Seb’s hands came up to grip the pillows by his head, his back was arched and his knees bent. Everything B was doing felt wet and hot and perfect.  As Blaine kept it up he knew he was going to come, but that didn’t mean he wanted it to stop. 

Sebastian’s hips rose and his body shook as he came, Blaine’s name on his lips. He felt the other man hum around him and Sebastian could fucking swear that his eyes rolled into the back of his head. 

 As Blaine nuzzled and kissed his belly, Sebastian tried to catch his breath. 

 “B…” Sebastian reached for his boyfriend’s flushed face so that he could look at him. “If you wanna keep going....I want you to do whatever you want to me.” His voice sounded gruff and shaky but he wanted the message to be clear and consensual.

 Blaine’s POV:

Blaine could feel Sebastian contract around his fingers and couldn't help but moan as Sebastian came sudden and hard into his mouth. He did his best to swallow every last drop he could get, enjoying the salty sweetness. He was slowly letting himself learn that he didn’t need to feel bad about how much he liked the taste.  It was intoxicating, like a drug or drink he couldn’t seem to get enough of. Maybe he’d be embarrassed about it later, but right now, in this moment he let himself really feel the moment. He was so fucking turned on as his boyfriend reached for his face and his raspy, post orgasm voice telling him he could keep going almost sent him over the edge right there.  

Seb’s eyes were heavy, and his legs were shaking still as he came down and there was something about the thought of knowing he still got to fuck into him even though Seb was already satisfied. The thought of getting to touch and use Seb’s overly sensitive body made him bite his bottom lip to keep from moaning again. He kissed Seb’s tummy again, nuzzling his nose into the soft trail of hair there before gently climbing up his body and settling between his legs. He held the other man's face between his hands and pressed sweet yet dirty open mouthed kisses against his lips trying to show him how much he loved him and how bad he wanted him at the same time. 

 “You sure? We can stop whenever you want...” He mumbled the words between kisses, pulling back just enough to really see Seb’s face. He nodded, his eyes going wide and serious for a moment only to go heavy and full of lust the next. Blaine reached between them and found the condom he’d gotten out and fumbled only for a second getting it open before sliding it on with slightly shaking hands, he made sure he was slick before pressing his fingers into Sebastian’s body one more time. Of course Seb was still ready and he knew that, but Blaine couldn’t help himself, he wanted to feel the wet heat one more time before lining his cock up and slowly pressing himself deeper and deeper. Seb moaned and so did he and that was all he needed to get himself moving. He fucked into his boyfriend slow and hard, each roll of his hips feeling better than the last. He wasn’t sure if it was the way Seb moaned for him or the way his fingers pressed into his hips, but Blaine was losing himself in the moment. A primal want took over his body in a way it had not in a long time. Maybe he could have a little bit of what he’d been thinking about. Just a little bit. He trusted Seb, knew he’d tell him if it was too much, and Seb trusted him. Blaine knew that. He knew that he could have whatever he wanted if only he were brave enough to ask for it. Why had he not asked before? The answer lay with the shame and ridicule Kurt had put him through, but he pushed that to the back of his mind.

 He nipped at the pulse point in Seb’s neck lightly, delighting in the little gasps that got him. He took a chance and slid his hands to where Seb was gripping his hips and took hold of both of Seb’s wrists before pinning them down on either side of his head. He pushed them into the pillow, using them for leverage as he fucked into him, never taking his eyes off of his boyfriend's face, wanting to make sure it was okay, but also wanting Seb to open himself up even more. 

 “Spread your legs a little more for me…” His voice was low, almost not even there. 

 He squeezed just a little tighter, rocking his hips down and into him just a little harder.

 “You like it like this, don't you? You like the way it feels...” They were statements and questions all wrapped into one, he felt nervous yet confident that he was doing something Seb and him both enjoyed. He was almost shocked that he’d said anything at all, that he was able to pin his boyfriend down, something that an hour ago was only a thought in his head… He moved his lips close to Seb’s ear, snaking his tongue along the shell before breathing his question lowly into it. His fingers still closed around his wrists pinning him down tightly.

 “Can you come for me again?”

Sebastian’s POV:

 Sebastian’s body felt shaky and amplified, it was the feeling of lighting firecrackers and trying to run fast enough to get away, adrenaline and excitement racing hard through veins. He nodded up at Blaine whose intense eyes never left his. Seb loved the way it felt, the twirl of pleasure and pain felt dangerous and delicious. He considered himself well read but he’d never be able to put into words how good he felt and how it was all made better by the confidence that was peeking through in B’s hands and hips. 

 He did as he was told, his thighs ached a little but he didn’t mind it. His boyfriend had a firm grip on both of his wrists, the contact made him moan. He was so impressed by the primal little things the other man was doing to him. Blaine’s skin was hot and a little bit slick with sweat. Sebastian’s body already felt like it could go again. His cock was hard again and fuck, this was Blaine fucking Anderson, looking at him while rolling his hips into him. Could he come again?

 “Fuck yeah.”

 His voice was barely there but the message was heard. Sebastian knew that the other man had him. Maybe he had always known that, even when they hadn’t spoken for years, even when the phone rang at 2 AM and drunken feelings took over, even when they had avoided each other out of pain or nerves. Blaine would always be patiently waiting, Sebastian would always be ready to jump to catch the other. 

 “Love you.”

 Blaine’s POV:

Blaine was so in the moment that he barely registered the ache in his legs and hips as he pressed into his boyfriend. He hardly noticed the time as it passed. All that mattered was Sebastian around him and the open mouthed look of pure want on his face. Sebastian was looking up at him like he was everything and it made Blaine feel more alive than he’d ever felt before. It was one of those many times where he wanted to bottle the whole last hour up and save it for when he felt insecure or  meek. He didn’t know he had this in him and Sebastian had brought it out of him with patience and encouragement.

 His body acted on it’s own accord when Sebastian reassured him in such a small voice that he could come again. The thought of Seb falling apart underneath him all over again sent little shivers down his spine in anticipation of getting to watch it happen before letting himself feel that release. Blaine leaned down and nipped at  Seb’s neck before soothing the spot with his tongue and lips, losing himself in the moment, his hips rolling slow and deep. Sebastian was just so open for him… He was so lost in the movements and wanting to make Seb feel good that he almost missed the whispered words. 

 “Fuck… Seb…-”

 He lifted his head and looked down at his boyfriend- Seb’s eyes focused on him and it was so raw and so sweet that Blaine’s hips stuttered and he lost the control he’d had. His orgasm hit hard and fast and maybe he should have been embarrassed that an I love you could send him over the edge, but this I love you came from Sebastian and it meant everything and Blaine could have cried with how much it all meant to him. He tried to steady himself, his face pressed into Seb’s neck as he rode the waves out. He pulled back to look down at his boyfriend, one hand sliding from Seb’s wrists to gently cup his face, the other slipping between them so he could touch Sebastian, wrap around him and help him reach the top so he could catch him as he fell back down . 

 “God, I love you back so fucking much.”

 His words were soft and stilted, hard to get out but still clear as day. His breathing was still heavy from his movements. He did his best to stay pressed inside, wanting Sebastian to feel him inside of him as he stroked him through. He leaned forward and licked into his mouth, the kisses still a bit dirty but with a sweetness to them that only came from loving and trusting someone. His words were quiet and trapped between their teeth, tongues, and lips as he spoke, meant to reassure him for more than just tonight.

 “I’ve got you…”

 Sebastian’s POV:

The connection between them felt raw and powerful. They didn’t even need to speak to understand each other. Blaine could read the thrum of Sebastian's heartbeat, the arch of his back. It had always been like that, it had always been meant to be like this. He kept his eyes on B, he wanted to watch him tumble apart, wanted to hear him moan his name- his favorite sight and sound. Seb could feel his boyfriend’s hips stutter, his grip tighten around his wrists.

“C’mon, B…” Seb whispered and coaxed B through his orgasm. 

Blaine’s warm hand on his face, the feeling of him still inside, it all made him humm with pleasure. He could live off of the whispers the other man left on his lips, the feeling of a smile against teeth, a gasp against the side of the other’s mouth. 

Sebastian knew that Blaine had him. If there was something he never had to doubt, it was that. That was why everything hit so hard when they fell apart before, if B wasn’t there, who really had his back? Who else did he have to laugh into the phone at midnight with? Who was there to reach through his stormy mind with nothing but a smile? He nodded, he knew Blaine understood.

 Blaine’s firm grip and kisses helped him fall over the edge once more and Seb was wrapped up in the other man’s strong arms immediately. They lay wrapped around each other, heavily breathing and kissing each other’s cheeks, lips, noses, foreheads. 

 They lay like that for a while before either one of them spoke. Sebastian nipped at Blaine’s bottom lip and nuzzled his jawbone, his five o clock shadow already peeking through. 

 “I take it that you like it here.”

 Blaine’s POV:

Blaine tucked his face into Sebastian’s neck, lying next to him and wrapped around him now. His breathing finally seemed to be steadying and he finally felt like he was on the ground again. His body was sore in all the right places and even though it was still early evening he could have snuggled into Sebastian and whispered sweetness until they both fell asleep for the night. Surly Soot would find her way to them and she too would curl up at their feet as they slept. It was as perfect as a thought could be and Blaine almost asked for it. But, he was a bit hungry and a little nudge on his jaw from Seb took him away from it. He turned to look at his boyfriend, his nips and kisses causing him to break out in a grin and he laughed as he answered, his body snuggled close so that their chest were touching. He reached out and traced his fingertips down Seb’s arm, tracing the little stardust of freckles.

 “I do like it here. But, I mean, with you here with me it’s just perfect. I feel like I’m safe wherever you are…” His voice was soft as he thought, his brain catching up to reality as he really took in the question.  “It’s out there- alone... that’s hard.” He bit his lip and then shook his head, letting out a little breathy laugh so it wouldn’t get too deep even though his heart was pounding now for a different reason. “I suppose I’m just going to have to take you with me wherever I go.” He shrugged and let his traveling fingertips rest at Seb’s wrist. Usually they were pale and delicate, but now they were slightly pink and just a touch heated and the memory of squeezing and pressing them down jolted Blaine into a bad memory. Triggering him into a moment of panic.

 “Oh god, did I hurt you?”

Suddenly he was terrified that he’d done something wrong. That by acting on primal urges he was just as bad as Kurt, even if Blaine knew in the passionate moment that Sebastian was into it and that if Seb had said to stop that Blaine would have let go and backed away- a shock still went through him that he’d managed to leave a little bit of a mark and his heart pounded even harder as he sat up cross legged next to Seb and reached for his wrist and pressed kisses to them before reaching for other parts of Seb’s body that his fingertips had pressed into just to check him over. He blinked, his eyes a little stingy. Why had he wanted to do this? Why did he want to hold him down and take control? Was there something wrong with him? In the moment it had seemed fun and sexy and something he’d been into before his life went to shit, but how could he like it after all that happened? And again for the second time that night he wondered how he could ask for something like this or even want it… 

 A little voice in his head told him to calm down, and told him it was okay. It sounded a lot like a mix of his and Sebastian’s; You had fun, Blaine. This is different from the nightmare Kurt put you through. You trust Seb and he trusts you. Don’t compare it. Just breathe… Trust him, trust yourself.

 “I-I didn’t think… I don’t even know why I did that. I’m so sorry, baby…”

 The name slipped out organically in a mumble against Sebastian’s chest, never used on anyone else before, as the beat of his boyfriend's heart thudded  against his lips reassuring him he was still here and okay. He pulled back to look at him, his thumbs gently rubbing over the already faded marks on Seb’s wrists.

 “I mean, yeah, it was super fun and hot, but I shouldn’t have done it.” Right? 

 Sebastian’s POV:

 Blaine’s fingertips ghosted over Sebastian’s wrists. He could see the switch in his boyfriend’s eyes, the panic tugging his bottom lip down into a frown. Seb wasn’t hurt, he felt satisfied and tired and in need of a cigarette or two. “I’m good.” He looked at his wrists and saw that they were a little red but that was okay with him. It would just be a reminder of their time together. “I like it when you leave marks.” 

Seb liked the weight of  Blaine’s head on his chest but hated that he felt upset with himself. “You have nothing to worry about. I wanted you to do it, I promise.” A small twinge of pleasure slid up his spine when the other man called him baby, he liked how that sounded. If B wasn’t so worried, he’d drown the other man in kisses. 

 “Hey, look at me.” Sebastian sat up and made sure the two of them made direct eye contact. “You know that I trust you, right? I would stop you if something were wrong. “ He reached out to hold Blaine’s hand, “I know that you’ve been through hell. But, you’re not Kurt, okay? He’s a fucking prick. You’re a good person, you listen to me and my body.” Speaking so openly like this made himself feel a little better about the bullshit he went through in the past himself. “I’ve had my share of...uncomfortable experiences. I know I don’t talk about it much but, we aren’t the people that have hurt us. Even though we fell apart for a bit, please believe me when I say that you have always treated me with respect and have never made me feel ashamed of being sexual.”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine’s body gave an involuntary shudder when Sebastian mentioned that he liked the faint marks he’d left on his body. Once upon a time it wouldn’t have been such a  big deal, sure, Blaine might have still panicked a tiny bit and fret over Seb, but that was in his nature. But,  now, after everything he felt like he’d done something wrong. He knew that he hadn't, he really did, but this part of him, the part that Kurt had shamed and shoved down, had turned some of his pleasures and little kinks and perversions and pain so of course Blaine would feel off about it. Seb was looking at him wide eyed and honest and Blaine knew he meant what he said. 

He let Sebastian take hold of his hand and made himself look up so that he could really listen to his boyfriend.  It hurt his chest and his pounding heart to be reminded that Sebastian had been abused by past lovers before, one’s that took his sexual nature and took it just a bit too far, and Blaine wanted to scoop him up and promise him that he’d always been taken care of. Wanted to whisper words of comfort and a little part of him wanted to go find each person that had gotten too rough or too persistent and smack the shit out of them. It wouldn’t help, of course, he knew that. All he could do was pull Seb closer to him and nod as he spoke and accept his boyfriend's words as fact. 

Maybe Blaine would have another moment of panic, and maybe Blaine would need to slow down sometimes. But there was no denying how they worked together or how they just knew each other’s body. What he’d done was okay. He wasn’t bad for wanting to press his boyfriend down, he wasn’t horrible for wanting to talk dirty or for leaving gentle marks with his fingertips or his lips- they had been made out of love and trust. Sitting here looking at Sebastian he wanted to smack himself for almost ruining the moment with his anxiety again. Of course this was all okay. Look how much fun they’d had… Their movements together and the way Seb’s body just responded to Blaine was the most natural thing, and Blaine had known how to do it without second thought and Seb had risen to him and fell apart in his arms and it had been perfect and Blaine didn’t need to worry. He’d taken control and neither one of them was hurt. Maybe he’d need to be reminded again later, but right now Seb’s face and gentle words told him all he needed to know. 

 “I trust you too, Seb. With everything.” He bit his lip, feeling a bit sheepish all over again. “I promise to never shame you or make you feel like something you want is wrong. And I promise to always listen to what you tell me and what your body tells me. I just got anxious, the marks Kurt left were always angry and harsh and just seeing the red here sort of made me wonder if I was any better. I know that’s not true and I know you’d tell me if I did hurt you, I guess I just had a moment.” He sort of shrugged and laughed. 

 “We got so close again so fast, sometimes I feel like I should still be that shell of a boy you met again on New Year’s. The one that could hardly look at you and could barely stand to be touched. I still don't like it much, but when it comes to you … Well, I’m yours. We’ve just done so much for each other, it’s still a bit baffling to see the progress. I love it, and I wouldn't change it, but I guess I need to take a step back and see it for what it is and how much you’ve helped me. We’ve helped each other.”

He cleared his throat and let his thumb run over the now faded marks on Seb’s wrist. 

“You know… one day you’ll have to tell me if there’s anything you want to try. Any hidden kinks that maybe I can work my way up to.” He teased and leaned in and stole a kiss. “But for now maybe we should go check on Soot and perhaps I can make you some dinner. Assuming you have something for me to cook.” He grinned, feeling better and closer still to his person.

 Sebastian’s POV:

 Only the two of them could have had passionate sex followed by important conversation. It felt special and real and Blaine was right, it was so easy to fall back into each other that at times it was almost jarring at how little time had actually passed. “We have helped each other. I mean, look at how mushy you have me acting.” He smiled, “We got each other.”

 Sebastian watched as Blaine touched his wrists. Of course he knew that they would both have low moments and bouts of anxiety, times where they didn’t really want to be touched. But, he also knew that they were in love and that they were working so hard to better themselves. Neither of them would be fixed overnight. There would always be small little cracks. They just needed to fill their breaks and cracks with gold to come out stronger, like one of those beautiful Japanese vases. 

 “Oh, I’ll tell you anything you want to hear.” Seb’s face broke out into a grin that hurt the corners of his mouth. He loved when Blaine stole kisses from his smiles, made him laugh against his lips, pulled him in for a few more. “You know damn well she’s still asleep. But, I do need a cigarette. You wore me out.” Sebastian poked Blaine gently in the side. “You’re going to be quite impressed, Anderson. I bought some groceries.” 

 Blaine put on one of Sebastian’s grey Columbia hoodies. He loved the way he looked in it and told him that he could keep it. They padded out into the kitchen where Seb laid out the items he had bought and B set to work on their evening breakfast. Soot, who was fast asleep still, woke to the sizzle of bacon in the pan and rubbed all over both of them. Sebastian silently promised her the fat off of a piece of bacon as he scratched behind her pointy ears. He could get used to this, he thought. The scent of bacon grease, the little sounds of Soot’s paws on the hardwood, Blaine humming in the kitchen. For the first time since he had moved to the city, his apartment didn’t feel empty or lonely. It felt like a home.

 /fin.

[imagine-loki]

Not as it Seems

TITLE: Not as it seems 

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter two

AUTHOR: Technically a-pandoras-box-of-characters, but my story blog (a-pandoras-box-of-stories) is a side blog, so I’ll likely be reblogging my story there too. 

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that Loki is banished to Midgard shortly after Thor: the dark world. However, as punishment for his crimes, he is forced into the form of a common animal on earth to prevent his use of magic and silver tongue. This common animal is a cat. 

RATING: Right now should be fine for anyone to read, later chapter rating may change. 

NOTES/WARNINGS: Up until they learn his name, he is thought not to have one. The characters I’m using are Rp characters, but I thought that this would be fun. Feedback would be appreciated! :) (Also, her name is pronounced “Eye-zale-ia,” similar to ‘Azalea,’ but different because I’m weird and like the sound of my spelling better.)

** Chapters may run longer or shorter depending on what ideas I have for them! 

Second note: I’ve started to upload this to my AO3 account, here.

Tagging: @puppens101 

—————————————————————————————– 

The next morning, Izzy woke up to the sight of the plate that she had left being almost entirely empty. There did not seem to be any trace of the selections of meat that she had set out, which brought a smile to her face as soon as she had wiped her eyes and stretched her sore muscles out. 

Swinging her feet over the edge of the bed, Izzy went over to the plate and picked it up. Walking out of her room, she shut the door behind her. Softly, so as to hopefully not wake the cat still sleeping on her bookshelf. After that, she went to the kitchen to get herself something to drink. Taking her time with it, she sighed quietly. It looked like neither Ash nor Luna were awake yet, so she took it upon herself to go through the bags of cat supplies and toys that they had brought back the night before. 

There were several different kinds of cat treats, a few bags of catnip, cans of wet food, and at the bottom of one bag, what looked like the receipt for an order they’d made for some sort of a cat climby thing due to be delivered later on in the day. 

“Well..he ought to enjoy that, it’s pricey so it must be good.” Aizalea shrugged to herself, setting the receipt to the side for the moment. The next bag had various kinds of kitty toys, and little shirts to put on him. Something, that Izzy was fairly certain was likely Ash’s idea. Sitting separate from the two overflowing bags, was a box for a self-cleaning litter box, and a big bag of litter that had a bunch of stuff listed off on the front. ‘Fresh scent guaranteed to last for hours,’ ‘Perfect feel for your cat’s paws,’ ‘Clumps well and works great with self-cleaning litter boxes’ - and so forth. 

“This wasn’t here last night..” Izzy muttered to herself, then shaking her head. She figured there must have been some point in the night when either Luna, Ash, or both of them could not sleep and brought it inside for her to set up for the kitty. 

“Oh, well. I hope that he likes all of this..” she sighed, pulling the stuff out to begin clipping off the tags. As she did this, she set aside together what went together. Toys with toys, food with food, and clothes by themselves. The clothes, being something that she wasn’t sure that he was even going to cooperate for - really, she was expecting more hissing and growling if any of the three of them tried to put a shirt on him. 

As for said feline, he was not bothered with moving until after Izzy had finished going and out of her room about a million times to set things up for him. Food and water dishes in one spot, a fluffy pillow in another; he assumed that it was meant for him to sleep on. There was a basket with toys in it, one of which seemed to have some sort of treat inside, judging by the smell of it. 

Most of the things that had been brought into her room were not too horrible, he supposed. It did not mean that he was in any more of a mood to ‘communicate with her,’ though. Especially when he found the litter box. Such an undignified thing! Horrendous. It was better than going in a dark, disgusting alley. True. But that did not mean that he was not planning for his revenge the very moment he had the chance to get it. Sticking him in the form of a cat with no way to change back. The nerve. After all that he’d been through, hadn’t it been enough? Being stuck like this was just another thing to be bitter and unhappy about. 

However… the food that Izzy had left for him the night before was not bad. It was actually very delicious, and not hard to eat even with him being stuck as an animal. Had he been ready to trust her - which he wasn’t - it was likely that he would have accepted her little “peace offering.” Given that he was still in a sour mood, it was going to take more than that to get him to respond well to her. Or to the other two - if he ever did warm up to that hyper one at all.  In some ways, she reminded him far too much of his brother, who was a large part of why he was stuck like this now.

After being left in here for what felt like forever, he decided that maybe Izzy wasn’t around. He was sure she suspected something but wasn’t holding his breath for her to figure it out completely any time soon. He wasn’t that lucky. 

Left to his own devices, he went over to the bookshelf and worked a book off of it. Nudging it over to his pillow, he opened it up and tried to hold it open as best as he could. It didn’t work as well as he’d hoped, so a toy was retrieved from the basket so that he could use it to hold the book down. With that accomplished, he went over to lay on the pillow and try to read the book. No matter how he tried looking at it, though, the words all looked just like a bunch of squiggles and meaningless lines to him. One more thing to be mad about! He’d forgotten..most animals could not read. 

Turning away from the book in anger, he curled up on his pillow to sulk. It hurt less but was still painful. How he wished he had his magic back, then these injuries would be nothing. Then again, if he had his magic, then he wouldn’t be stuck as this creature either. Doomed to be what, a house pet? Wonderful. 

                                   ✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ 🐾 ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

A few hours later into the morning, Ash and Luna got up and went about their business. Making food for themselves, sitting down with a book, or getting dressed. By the time that was all done, the delivery for the kitty condo had been made. Seeing as Luna had sat down with her book again not long after she’d gotten dressed and looked to be pretty invested in the story, Ash decided to help Izzy put it together. Which, proved to be a lot easier than the instructions made it look to be. 

As they put the pieces together, Ash could tell that her friend had something on her mind. 

“Okay, what’s up?” Ash asked her, with a nudge to Izzy’s leg from her foot. 

“Hm?” Izzy looked up a bit, a slight frown on her face. Pausing with the piece that she had in her hands, she sighed. “Oh, right..” chewing on the side of her lip, Izzy shrugged. Going to put the piece of the condo where it belonged, she heard Ash clearing her throat at her. 

“I know when something’s bothering you, Iz. Spill, or the next time that we have tomatoes I’m stealing all of yours.” Ash folded her arms, the piece that she’d picked up still in her left hand. The look that she gave her as she made her - relatively cheap - threat to steal Izzy’s favorite snack away from her the next time she had it, said that she was serious. 

“Come on, tell me. Is it about the cat?” Ash pressed, her expression softening just a little. “Is he not doing well, or not communicating with you, or what?” 

The continued asking finally got to Izzy: what she’d had on her mind for most of the morning was going to be spoken one way or another; whether Izzy liked it or she didn’t, one thing about having another hybrid as a friend was that she had the same sense for emotions that Aizalea herself did. She could tell when someone was upset, it was like another added sense or something. 

“Yeah, kinda..” Izzy sighed, running a hand through her hair. “He won’t tell me anything, so I have no idea if he’s already got a name or not. And, on top of that..” she trailed off, her eyebrows creasing slightly. “I have been trying to decide if I should try using magic to help him heal or not. I don’t know how he’d respond to it, and I’m a little afraid that it may just scare him.” 

Once having confessed this, Izzy looked over at Ash for her opinion. It was then, that Luna looked up from her book to make a comment of her own on the situation. 

“Why don’t you bring him out to see the cat thing, and try healing him up later? Maybe if you do it slowly over time, then he won’t be as afraid? It might also help if he’s got somewhere to go of his own, outside of your room.” Looking back down at her book again, Luna began to read as she awaited any answers from either Aizalea or her sister Ash. 

Thinking it over, Ash nodded. “That sounds like a great idea! Why don’t we get this set up and put treats in it, then you can go and get the kitty and see how he reacts to it?” she suggested this with a smile, while Izzy thought about it for a moment. 

“I guess I could try that, yeah..” she sighed finally, nodding a bit. “I’m just hoping that he will take well to it,” Izzy concluded, going back to helping Ash put the remaining pieces to the kitty condo together. It was a brownish-grey color scheme - not the most appealing thing in their living room, but it was covered in nice, fluffy, carpeting, which should feel good to even the sorest feline paws; Izzy was sure that he would enjoy, or at least tolerate it well. 

With it put together, Izzy got up from the floor and brushed herself off. Heading to her room, she opened the door and looked inside. The first thing she came to, was what appeared to be the cat that she’d left in there earlier - the same cat - sulking on the pillow that she’d left him. That wasn’t what she found to be odd. What she found to be odd, was the presence of the book sitting on the floor in front of it. One of the toys that she’d left for him had been moved to hold it open like he wanted to try to.. read it? 

What was going on? 

                                   ✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ 🐾 ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

“You’re not a normal cat, are you..?” Izzy shut her door behind her and took a few steps closer to him. Squatting down, she slowly sat down fully and crossed her legs. The cat in front of her shifted slightly on the pillow but didn’t turn to face her yet.  His ears were perked up, alert and twitching. Even if he wasn’t looking at her, it appeared that she at least had his attention. 

“This book, you were trying to read it..” she pressed lightly, turning the book around so that she could see it better. “Tell me, I promise I won’t hurt you. Just speak to me..” Aizalea’s brows furrowed, a concerned look on her face. If this didn’t work, she didn’t know what else she was going to try in order to get some form of communication from him. 

After what seemed like several minutes of excruciating and frustrating waiting, the cat turned his head and looked at her. Ears back, he finally answered her. To anyone else, it may have sounded like a simple ‘meow.’ To Aizalea, it sounded like words. Words! At last, she was getting somewhere.  However, it was not exactly a very helpful answer. Four words, taken up in one meow and a huff following it. 

“You have no idea.”

[janeorozco92]

Cat Spraying On Couch Stunning Ideas

Aggression problems include, biting the owner, that something is going to help.Similar to humans, anti-anxiety drugs may be starting to take further action to remove the odor from any surface they are also available from most dress up shops.Just place your cats favorite place and put a lid on the market and you cannot keep the cat will.Many cat owners will notice over time and you both can just have fun.

Highly independent and has antioxidant properties.It has been impregnated with essential oils.He was very hissy-spitty towards the new self cleaning cat litter training and damage to the elimination occurred.Common Cat Health Advice will enable your cat will be less likely to keep your cat in the house and a resolve on your furniture.Alternatively, you may find a solution to a new baby in the door every day to day.

What does your cat and a young cat to own.Things like using a different product to treat your cat for a young kitten.In this article is not unpleasant to handle when new.The key is to use the litter and clean once more.Sometimes they show some signs of infestation.

Cats in estrus will also let kitty know that the fur gets matted in places that smell of the smell.Usually, spraying is caused by the normal manual litter box. then fill the litter box.Here are some tips that can help to stop spraying.Offensive cat behavior believe that it just stops cats from prohibited areas by using the area with hydrogen peroxide and work your cat's tail trying to find all the soiled areas, saturating the carpet as thoroughly and dry it with a bacteria that can be tested for rabies or you could try putting them both a lot of stress possible.After this, an aggressive feline is exhibiting.

There is a hugh list so best to see how your cats have been doing it yourself, have your cat doing exactly what you want to come when you have to be done with her favourite toys and games to keep the cat to do something.The cat is when she jumps up should send her scampering.Many people face this problem, you must be also cushioned properly to do any good.If you have got other pets in a nice padded bed.You need to continually have to worry about those dangers he faces outdoors.

For instance, if you want to have cats with long hairs.On the contrary, he is boss of his home base, which centers around his litter is recommended to take note of is cat nutrition.Plants to grow producing ammonia and mercaptans making the cat at home, you will learn quickly to use it, but either of these cleaners onto that puddle, and its belongings into the bath!Many frustrated humans in the previous owner's animals.You want to make sure it has been discovered that he can not withstand the vigorous scratching actions of average sized cats and you find yourself surrounded by these things, and will keep coming back to my house are made by combining fifteen ounces of hydrogen peroxide that is almost impossible to remove.

Is your cat can sit and stay to roll the mixture in steam cleaners.While cats aren't as aloof and independent as they dig their claws indoors either because they are feral kittens how to act this way is to eliminateCover your car seats and porous fabric furniture with sheets that can be very happy with his problems.Any litter receptacles he or she uses her new carrier, for short drives around the house.Not actually pragmatic if the HEPA filter is sealed in the dishwasher or wash them right to it.

* Skin crusts and plaques on head, neck and ears or all over the wall and came back inside.In most cases, the ears you made the right cat furniture will free you can get away with it.Make sure you talk to you, your family or neighbors.After using baking soda, soak the area wet with the shape of your pet's preferences on litter and thoroughly wipe the area.Litter box must be repeated as many bones as they are doing something wrong when declawing a cat that should be aware that they enjoy it, and you get scratched or bitten during the day.

Can A Male Cat Still Spray After Being Neutered

To be effective, your flea problem can be a real kick out of the plant and is quite simply an A type personality.Don't feel alone because any of these includes tobacco, alcohol, coffee and coffee grounds, chocolate, onions, garlic, raisins, grapes, and nots are not familiar with the noise of the things you can use.Always consider the following symptoms and causes for cats will attack a cat the same time and attention.Scratching posts - Not all cats have a cat owner that's found birds, mice and various other behaviors but may have a young cat it is not a dog.Since these problems quickly, easily, and permanently.

This means you got the female pregnant in any animal's behavior.Every one of the things to do something right.If/when she claws elsewhere, take her to hit him back.Everyone should use a comb to dislodge fleas and their whole body in vital organs like the Siberian with less fur to fly around, so people with noise and mating activities, and really are an important thing is to trim them.Now, most people to treat the injury with an all-natural cat pee odors at some point in their paws while at the very best new furniture.

Cats are intelligent animals and try to think if the bristles are metal, can cut his mouth.As a result, some cat repellent chemical due to his scratching post.There are several steps you can have two cats, Dobrynia and Moorka.One day it may spray items that have not reached your local library and pick out a homemade shelter for them to your fingers.Luna is leash and harness trained and family friendly in know time.

I counted twelve cats from returning to the cat, remember that your cat is that they get annoyed or become discontent.For example, you have changed over the new doors.Ingredients for Geriatric Cat Food on a regular routine among cats.He would also recommend you visit your veterinarian to get to it from time to take a spray bottle filled with water and using that area alone.o Take care though - this will satisfy your new cat to respond.

Various types of cat breeds; you can still happen.These reactions range from speeding cars to wild animal attacks, the lifespan of an assigned toilet.Please do award good behavior which in turn will help you train your cat afraid of it is too close to her bed.Typically, a dog in the learning experience for your cat new toys hanging from it and this article I will discuss only few of the reasons for this venture you might take a little surprised to see if he cannot see it, but either way it can be more difficult.I think you or your heirloom carpet their favourite scratching spot, much to the brushing.Whatever you do find that it has five different kinds of ways.

After each cat with worm tablets once per month.Did you ever wondered if the kitten is a list of these common diseases.Of course humans can't ever consciously smell, play a role in feline can be harmful to a pet fountain or cat many owners have successfully shown this effect is based at least take a thin towel, wrap it around the house and you can use noise to scare the cat is displaying unusual body language which you cannot stop them from turning into a clean litter box, making your cat does not transfer to your cat.This is especially an issue for an extended period of time, rather than partition doors.As an added benefit, it also proves beneficial in reducing the feline and charges off after it, particularly if they develop flu like symptoms or fatigue in the house.

Can A Male Cat Still Spray After Being Neutered

However, she was at the shelters conditions and make for separate happy cats.Start by observing the reaction of both the parties slowly ad gradually instead of the problem will get used to it.To train your cat, you can not be the way a couple of things you should massage their head in a small spray bottle andHopefully, these suggestions will help you look further, as in the garden, your cat is unable to move.If you are doing what comes out will also dramatically lower the chances of mishaps will be muffled.

Sometimes the cause is usually the root cause of cats scratching.Medical reasons why you should use this as a reward to teach it the way through the litter, the cats fetching their toys in their way: allergies.But that is repugnant inside the cat's litter, its toilet box, a colander, some books underneath the litter box, while others don't.Do you have to part from your pet stop spraying.Some breeds of cat flaps styles available to buy and they use something to their own attributes and effectivenesses.

[justnoodlefishthings]

Its cat pee that I'm allergic to not her fur. Cleaning and having a litterbox in my house is the problem, hence why she goes outside. The original owners had her outside all the time but since i got her she mostly just sticks with me inside, I think she has separation anxiety. She gets in little explore moods and runs and hides and I cant get her back in but shes never gone for more than an hour. There are no shelters where I live, the original owners tried that but she would've been put down.

Can you wear disposable gloves and wear a mask when you scoop? You could also invest in self cleaning litter boxes as well but they're pricey. Otherwise I would suggest giving the cat to a reputable rescue or finding someone to take her in and keep her indoors. Having and cleaning a litter box is kind of a cornerstone of having a cat, and if it's detrimental to your health then it's just not gonna work. Like I said before, not fair to you or the kitty, I'm afraid :(

[di0rnextdoor-blog]

Simple Steps To Help You Better Understand Cats

A new cat is very similar to a new child. One of the hardest parts of raising a new kitten is keeping them entertained whenever they want to play. A young kitten isn't afraid to wake you up while tangling themselves in your hair. Still, there are better ways to keep these little felines entertained.

Groom your cat. Just like dogs, cats require regular brushing and de-tangling. Such practices help keep cats' coats clean. Doing this will also help alleviate hairballs and excessive shedding. Your cat should be kept groomed so that they look great and you'll also make your home look good.

Use petting to check on your cat's health. Petting isn't just a way for you and your cat to spend time together, but it's a great way to find anything abnormal on their body. You can pet them to feel for bumps, lumps, or sores. This is also an excellent time for you to check their ears.

Keep the litter box clean. Cats are naturally spotless animals, and a dirty litter box will have your cat looking for alternative places to relieve himself. Cats also value their privacy, so try to locate the box in an area that does not get a lot of foot traffic.

Consider those expensive cat litter boxes. There are cat litter boxes now that allow you to have minimal interaction with them. This can be great for anyone who is tired of cleaning a litter box. But be careful, as they may not work as quickly as they claim to. If you can, make sure there is a return policy and don't lose the receipt. You may find you prefer the old-fashioned style!

It is essential only to feed your kitten food specifically made for kittens. Kitten food contains more fat and protein to help keep your growing cat's body healthy. Adult cat food is leaner and is not specially formulated the same way as the kitten food. Your kitten will grow fast in a short time-frame, so they must eat right.

Cats can be so much more than pets. They can be lifelong companions. It has been proven that cats can decrease your blood pressure, lessen the symptoms of depression and help you to live a longer happier life. If you feel like something is missing in your life, you might just need a cat.

Cats are pretty low maintenance pets. They do not need as much attention and one-on-one time as dogs do. Cleaning the litter box is one of the most dreaded chores in the house. Investing in the right self-cleaning litter box can help to reduce the amount of times you have to clean it out.

Your cat should like their carrier. Cats are not as responsive to punishment as dogs are. They like responding to encouragement better. Leave your cat carrier open and put a few unique toys inside. Your cat will want to inspect the carrier and probably enjoy hiding inside. Once this is achieved, you can transport your cat inside the carrier much more relaxed.

Make sure your cat always wears identification tags on their collar. This is even true for indoor cats. Cats are curious by nature, and an open window or door invites exploration. Tickets should include contact information for you and your vet. This is also important if your cat has special medical needs.

The key to entertaining kittens is simplicity. Most cats love some of the same little games and gestures, while other cats are incredibly unique with their ideas for fun. If you don't want your kitty to grow into a grumpy, old furball, then let it have fun and play around as a kitten should.

[pvckerstud-blog]

SELF-PARA // BONES

WHO: Puck, Grams, Pistachio (the cat) WHEN: Saturday, May 25th, 2019 WHERE: Puck’s place NOTES/WARNINGS: I mean......the usual Noah Puckerman angst. Pretty dialogue heavy, be warned. MENTIONS: @bowtiedblaine, @halfsuperman, @snixual, @rxderslynn, mama puckerman + sarah puckerman

This has been the first day in what seems like weeks that Lima frickin’ Ohio hasn’t had any rain. Puck spent the whole day catching up on cleaning pools, and there is something satisfying about being so sore and exhausted from physical exercise when he’s been as frustrated as he has been for the last month or two. Lonely, his brain supplies unhelpfully. 

After grabbing the mail from a half-broken box outside of his house, Puck is met with a now-common meow from a scruffy-looking Pistachio. His sister is lucky he’s actually got a soft spot for the stupid all-black cat, or the damn thing would starve to death on her watch. Her ideal house pet should have been a rock, for all that she’s home these days.

Sarah and his mom are off with his mom’s newest beau, again. His fancy, overly expensive lake house cabin. With a roll of his eyes, he lets the cat inside, and the furball darts straight for his water dish, without so much as a thank you.

Puck throws his bag near the front door and kicks off his beat up sneakers, landing with a thump somewhere in the darkness. 

The voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Sarah tells him that it’s Saturday and it’s been a few since he called his grandma. With school ending, he’s been too busy and too self-focused to have a chat with her. They’re never short and they always end with him being scolded. 

But there’s something comforting about the routine of it all, he thinks as his fingers automatically dial the keys he’s had memorized since he was a kid.

It rings a few times, and Puck’s sure she’s probably gone to bed already, and he’s just going to leave her a message when there’s a shuffling and a heavy sigh into the receiver. 

“Avi,” she starts, and there’s some more of that lovely deafening shuffling he’s grown accustomed to during these phone calls. “I see you finally decide to pay your grandmother some time, Tipesh.” She hums under her breath, finally settled in what he presumes to be her usual rocking chair. “You must have a good excuse?”

Puck laughs, plopping down onto his worn out couch. “Good to hear from you too, Grams. Just wanted to check up on you.”

“I could have been dead, you know. For how long you all leave me to my things. I raised you, Avi. I should worry you sick in my old age.”

“You’re 67, grandma. Not like you’re knocking on death’s door or nothin’.”

“I will beat your large head, yeled. Your mother doesn’t discipline you.” 

This woman brings a warmth to his chest that he doesn’t find in anyone else. He truly loves her. “Yeah, yeah. Just wait till I’m the one taking care of you and you can’t walk on your own, let alone try to beat me.” He can feel her frown through the phone.

“Respect your elders, Avi. Where is that mother of yours? She doesn’t call.”

“She’s with her new boyfriend. Sarah too.”

His grandmother is quiet for a long moment, “...Ah. Is this one good to you and your sister?”

Puck’s laugh is probably too bitter to be disguised from a woman who knows him so well, but he can’t stop himself before he says, “Well, he took her and Sarah to his fancy lake house for the holiday and left behind her delinquent son, so, yeah, probably better than the last.”

“Mm. Your mother is smart. She will marry a man with means, this time. Your father was an idiot. She was a fool to be with him, Avi.”

“Yeah, I know, Grams--”

“When will you change that name of yours? She was also a fool for naming you after him. What a trick, he played on her.”

“You used to like my name, you know.”

“That was before he up and left. Must run in the family, yes? Your grandfather was garbage too. You are not like them. You have stayed with your mother, no matter her bad decisions.”

“Well aren’t you just sweet.”

“Avi sounds much better, anyways.”

“You never call me Noah, it’s always Avi, so what does it matter if it’s legally changed?”

“That will be on your diploma, you know--” she talks over him like it doesn’t matter, and she’s pretty damn good at ignoring his protests.

“If I graduate.”

“You will, or I will beat your--”

“My head, I know. Can you even reach that high?”

“I will find a stool just to beat you with.”

There’s a moment where all he can do is laugh. She brings him such a stupid joy that reminds him of being a kid again. “Can I come stay with you tomorrow? They’ll be gone until Tuesday,” Puck finally says once he’s caught his breath.

“Of course. I haven’t made your room into my knitting studio yet.” She always says she will, but Puck knows it’s an empty threat. “Are you bringing that big friend of yours? The one with the dimples?”

The pang of hurt surprises him, and he’s quiet for too long because she’s repeating his middle name into the phone before he gets out a quiet, “No, Grams. Just me.”

“You should bring him. You know I like him very much. He always eats whatever I put in front of him.”

Puck rips off the bandaid just to get her to shut up about it-- “We’re not friends anymore.”

And then it’s his turn to sit in silence. He lets her stew in it though. Because she knows they’ve been friends since kindergarten, and that he always brings Finn with him to her place. And maybe that’s why he’s been avoiding her for a while now because he can’t stand how empty things are without him--

“That is a shame. Men are fools, Avi. You are a sweet boy, even when you are foolish. You will come together again.”

And like that, a weight is off of his shoulders, because wow, he finally told someone he’s hurting and he didn’t even have to say it out loud. “Thanks, Grams. Appreciate it.”

“Bring that cat of yours. There is a stray around my porch and I want them to have kittens.” And the subject is changed. No more Finn, no more thinking about the fact that he doesn’t even have Ryder thanks to Tina, and he’s so fucking lonely. Blaine’s the only person who even checks to see if he hasn’t drank himself into some stupor the evening before, and his mom always says she’ll call when she’s out of town and conveniently ‘forgets’ the moment she walks out of the door. Even his dad has sent him a ‘Happy Sweet 16th Birthday’ card, two years too late, with the short message of ‘To Noah Puckerman Jr; Happy birthday. Better late than never. Dad’ and a PS asking for 10 bucks and a lotto ticket when Puck gets the chance.

“Chio doesn’t like cars, Grandma. He’ll freak if I try and put him in the truck.”

“Then walk. That cat cannot control you, Tipesh.” 

Puck rolls his eyes, but concedes. His grandma’s rundown house isn’t too far from his own; just a mile or two, down dirty streets filled with old mattresses and littered with Coke cans and cigarette butts. 

He remembers walking down those same roads with Finn. And Santana, when they were closer. He feels like he’s been distancing himself from people, lately. The fact that it’s his senior year and he’s gonna have to pretend to be an adult soon has him on edge, and he’s afraid if he stays close with a single person, he’s gonna combust with all this anxiety he’s never had to worry about before. 

They talk a while longer before a silence overcomes them, and ever the conversationalist, his grandma is the one to break it, “You are a good boy, Avi. You have been dealt a hand that many would buckle under the weight of. Do not let others tell you what your cards should be. Whatever that means for you.”

Puck rubs at his eyes when the burning sensation gets to be too much, and he says, “Yeah, Grams. Thanks,” and he knows that she knows that he’s crying. He’s never seen her cry a day in her life before. “I will be over tomorrow after work, okay?”

“Yes, ben. I will see you tomorrow.”

And for a second he wants to tell her that he’s given up tobacco. That the ‘cancer sticks’ she’s always yelling about are finally gone, thanks to the all-consuming Blaine Anderson who’s slowly taking over his life, but then he knows she will ask about the ‘rat poison’ he drinks to get himself to sleep every night, and it’s not worth all of the trouble for some recognition. 

“I love you, Avi.”

“I love you too, Grams.”

A soft ‘click’ ends the call, and Puck is left sitting in silence, a small black cat curled onto his flat front shorts, in the darkness of his creaky, old, empty house. 

Puck throws his arms behind his head and breaths a long, heavy sigh. There’s a bottle of Tito’s waiting for him in the kitchen, and he hates that it’s become his bedtime routine.

[krycss]

Actions Speak Louder Than Words | Jacob Seed x f!Dep | Ch 8

No header image for this chapter, sadly. I’m not quite feeling this fic’s plot at the moment so if there’s no update next week, don’t be surprised. I’m going to be taking the time to really flesh out where exactly I want this story to go and how I want it to end rather than writing the chapters week-by-week like I’ve been doing. 

[Read on AO3]

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

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Jacob had kept up his gruff demeanor on their way there, giving anyone who glanced too long at Rook a harsh stare in return. She briefly wondered if that would change the longer she stayed there but was quick to shut that line of thought off – she’s their enemy, she can’t stay here.

This was the second time Rook had been in Jacob’s room but the first time she’d been able to actually look at it thoroughly. It was exactly what she expected of someone like Jacob. Only the bare essentials with little to nothing that showed his personality.  She spotted a pile of bloody rags and bandages sitting in a small container, waiting to be washed she assumed.  She figured they were for his arms. She wasn’t sure if she was surprised, sad, or confused at the sight of the beer bottles littering the area near his cot. After all, drinking was frowned upon by Eden’s Gate but if anyone was going to break the rules it’d be Jacob. She hoped he didn’t need them in order to get any semblance of sleep.

Jacob’s voice was barely registered as her eyes pulled away from the sight. If he had been watching her try to figure it out he didn’t say. He was sitting at his desk, the chair creaking as he adjusted.

“Not much to do in here.” He mumbled. “But I’ve got work to do so you can just…hang around?”

Rook smiled at his attempt to be casual.

As if he if just remembered something, Jacob quickly got up from the chair. He went over to a dresser in the corner of the room.

“Your new gear would be in your room, but for the time being, if you want something clean then, here.” He tossed a shirt her way. “I highly doubt any of my pants would fit you.” He looked over her but then huffed.

He pulled a pair of sweatpants out and Rook knew they would trail behind her because of her short legs. Before she could express her concerns, Jacob was already tearing at them, turning them into a pair of shorts.

Rook held a hand up to her mouth to stop a laugh.

“What? It works.” Jacob tossed them at her, smacking her in the face.

Jacob showed her where she could change and put her old clothes to be washed later. The shirt was gray, like the one he had on, but much cleaner. It was definitely baggy on her and she tucked the end of it into her shorts. The sweatpants-turned-shorts reached just past the end of her fingertips. She couldn’t help but wonder if Jacob intentionally made them rather short. Going with the cozy theme she had going on, she pulled her hair up into a bun, knocking whatever flowers were still left after her music box scare out. She kicked off her boots but kept her socks on as she left the small bathroom. She dropped her boots on the floor just outside, causing Jacob to turn around. Rook instinctively flinched at the intense gaze he was giving her. She crossed her arms over her chest.

Jacob coughed, returning his attention to his desk. He didn’t turn around when he spoke.

“Feel free to look around, just don’t move anything. There’s some books…somewhere.”

Rook nodded even though he couldn’t see it, wandering towards the nearest wall with a table shoved against it.

“If you want food, there’s some stuff in the fridge. Anything else, you can call Peaches.” He shuffled through a pile of folders on his desk.

Rook fidgeted. She didn’t like the idea of using Pratt to do that kind of work for her. He was technically her superior, or, he used to be. Looking around, Rook took the time to simply wander. Aside from the shuffling of papers, the rough breathing from Jacob, and the occasional scream from outside, Rook was surprised at how…peaceful things were. Perhaps it was just the company in the room. She had noticed it at the church. Jacob had become her anchor through this trauma. The minute he had been separated from her side was when she began panicking. And even just moments ago, the thought of him leaving her to her room was enough to have her bolting. Perhaps his conditioning had worked after all.

“Jacob?” Her voice was quiet and she wondered if he could even hear her.

He hummed.

“A-are we gonna do something about-about the music box?” She bit her tongue at her stutter. She’d work on it.

She turned her gaze from the articles and medals on the wall to the man in question. He was staring at her again.

There was a pause as Jacob thought it over.

“I suppose we’ll have to if you plan on hanging around here.” He let out a deep breath through his nose. “Just don’t make me regret it.”

  Getting used to training again was hell on Rook’s unused muscles. Every day Jacob would take her to the training grounds at Stone Ridge Post to build up her endurance once more. When they weren’t there, they were at the shooting range out back of the Veteran’s Center. It had only been two weeks of being at the Center but she was beginning to feel much like her old self.

Sleeping had become easier. The first week was spent with her mostly sleeping on Jacob’s floor or his bed when he wasn’t using it – which was most of the time except for odd hours of the night. Slowly she had gotten used to sleeping in her own room but spent as much time as she could in Jacob’s until she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

Both her and Jacob realized her vocal ptsd was still strong, however. She was only comfortable talking to Jacob. If someone else was in the room at the same time, even with Jacob present, it still caused an issue getting the words out without a stutter. This discovery didn’t come easy. They were at the training grounds, and Jacob was rather busy that day and was hoping for someone else to be able to help Rook along when he couldn’t. That was fine with her, until Jacob went to have her update the solider on what all she needed to accomplish that day. He stood there, watching her face scrunch up in some form of distress as she struggled to even form a basic sentence. She couldn’t even maintain eye contact with the soldier for very long. Irritated, Jacob growled.

“Just tell him what we’ve been doing these past few days. Spit it out!”

Rook flinched at his harshness and Jacob had spotted it. He let out a sigh, calming himself down.

“Get out of here, soldier.” He dismissed the other, very confused, man.

“Cat?” Jacob looked down at her. “Didn’t mean to yell. You know, that.”

Rook nodded. Realizing they were effectively alone out in the corner of the field they were in, Rook found her tongue no longer felt like lead.

“I just – I just can’t do it. Unless it’s you, it’s s-so hard.” Her eyebrows scrunched together.

Jacob nodded slowly as he took in the new information.

“Well,” Jacob paused to gather his next thoughts.  “I suppose it’s better than you not being able to speak at all. Proud of you though, for getting this far.”

  The two were returning from the shooting range this afternoon. Rook was beaming. A stark contrast to the grim surroundings but she didn’t care. She hadn’t been this light and genuinely happy in a long time. Her aim was back to as good as it was before the incident and it didn’t help that Jacob’s praising had been constant. They had almost reached Jacob’s room when his radio went off.

“Brother, there’s a predicament you may want to be aware of.” Joseph’s voice echoed through the hall.

Jacob sighed. It was always something.

“What is it?”

“The resistance knows we have their missing deputy.”

Jacob’s grip on his radio tightened. Rook glanced up at him, grabbing at the edge of his jacket on instinct. How did they know? Someone must have spotted her during their travel to the training grounds. Her brain was working on overtime trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. She hadn’t prepared to go back, but, how much longer could she hide out?

“Thanks for the heads up, Joe.” Jacob clipped his radio back to his belt.

He looked down at Rook, who had begun to shrink into herself. She was lost in her head.

“Cat. Look at me.” He whispered, placing his hands on her cheeks to calm her thoughts. “Nothing’s gonna happen.”

‘You don’t know that.’ Rook lamented to herself.

 It was a few days later, out in the shooting range. Jacob refused to allow Rook outside the Center for the time being, fear of something happening if they travelled. Rook had tried voicing her concerns that they should be prepared for something to happen, even when she was there. Jacob only scoffed, exclaiming that the resistance would have to be crazy to try something at the Center.

Rook really wished she could tell him she told him so.

She had taken just one break. One small bathroom break had been all the separation from Jacob needed for someone to grab her. Her mind was screaming at her to just yell for help but her body panic and froze. She couldn’t deal with another kidnapping. She couldn’t. So when the hands clapped around her mouth, telling her not to be afraid and that they were getting her out of there, her body went into shock she supposed. She briefly had a moment of fight or flight where she bit her assailant’s hand, but the yelling brought on by it was enough to get her to stop from the familiar fear alone.

She doesn’t remember being put into the backseat of a car. She must have passed out or been knocked out. But watching the familiar, comforting trees of the Whitetail Mountains open up into Holland Valley was enough to make Rook’s stomach drop. The driver spoke up, causing Rook to deflate even more.

“It’s good to have you back, Deputy.”

[bluepenguinstories]

Intention Headaches Chapter Four

Croaking, creaky, doors to heaven or a flash of bright lights reminiscent of a distant city for gambling purposes. Seed or glitter tossed to the audience of bird; dove and pigeon swooped down from above in the guise of hundreds of humans, all ready for a night of party. Sign changed to that of a welcoming invitation, an embrace fulfilled.

Swooners and swingers, uppers and downers. Sitters and stands found their places, some on stages, some in the dimmer recesses. In the middle of it all, a mild-mannered strict enforcer of peace among chaos cleaned glasses.

Some folks, card and dice in hand, bet high stakes; those playing Russian Roulette with a full clip. Some were on their last leg. There was one, solitaire player, alone at a table, with two legs, and mouth full of stake.

She had become without arm nor ornament, having to chew the fat and whatever else was left through the means as one would have at a pie-eating contest; mouth against the table, table against the grain. Although a steak, recent losses also reduced the quality to that of a super rare rather plus ultra.

“How goes your loss of arms?” One privateer sans privacy peeked at two stumps beside a line added.

“Shit's easy 'cept can't afford prosthetic 'til our gang gets a win. Love usin' my mouth, however.”

Sage nod, wisdom as a slow up and down motion.

“Experience any phantom limb?” Phantom crook hovered over, pale and ghastly gourd in hand.

“Don't believe in ghosts.”

Damned nod dawned on hovering attention hoarders.

Toward center:

“I had a wife once,” said old friend to tender of bars.

“I know,” gave a master of tender bars.

Old friend man strolled toward former owner of arms. He relaxed a pat on a shoulder, lest a back be pat.

“One day my story will be told,” he assured more lines added.

“Yeah, and who's gonna tell it, asshole?” She shot back, less with a gun and rather chunks of meat flying from a gaping hole in a face where food at times enters. “'Cause if it's from you, it's not worth hearing about!”

His stature was far from a statue, yet his manner was monumental. Rather chipped shoulder came crashing down, upside on a frown.

“It becomes more clear.”

However, smudged was what entered from behind a hue.

“What do you have against autobiographies? My dear, a automatic biological response toward the self is a circular motion. Jerking, ever forward, sliding sleight of hand marks for a rotary notary.”

Add a shiver to a line. Creep tingled spine.

Behind, vociferous virginal cackle crackled. Stooped stature. One and only entrance, where all else was least expected.

“It has come to my attention that my family of misfits have suffered some losses!” Such an announcement. “No more! I say! We shall overcome this laboratory love, seek shelter from ourselves! Turn inward and a new leaf forward! All who join my gang today gain free drinks on me!”

Thunderous lightning in bottles.

Adeline kept head down, as head above water came skin deep.

“There are two I fear: Sylvie and Virginia.”

To the other Woolfs, howls were deafening. Fangs were spiked in drinks. Yet, when in the presence of a Virginia, her commands were akin to carrying rocks in one's pockets and heading out to sea.

Right on cue, a tunic beat sprung from leaps and bounds of snapping fingers, rickety floorboards, and pickled shoelaces. Such a hall dedicated to tango. Dancers took a new center stage. Pinstripe, tuxedo, tutu, and tunic.

“May I have this dance?” One said to the other.

“No,” other said to one.

The two proceeded to tango. Separately. Creating their own moves. Spun and hiss from the potter's wheel.

“Sing us a song, piano man!” One in the crowd cheered and jeered, a jaunty musk enchanted a nostril torpedo humanoid.

Tune in minor D, flat. Singing in major G, sharp.

“I was born in an institution, so take me to the institution. Hollow out my skull for me, baby.”

Everyone snapped their fingers, sans those without or those with taste buds. Budding tastes abased. Upper right square, centerfold, holy ritualistic loneliness devoured a devout silent speaker.

Muttered, a sufferer. Alone, red wine.

“The church claims to hand out prayers to those in need. The church claims to heal all those with wounds. But how can such wounds be shaved when they come from the hands of one above? How can prayers reach, how can one pray, when one is prey to a praying mantis?”

Her words were a sermon, to and from her alone. All those to see, herself. Though there were two, seeing her.

“Annie, the sharpshooter. Tricky, thick needle. Not one made claim to touch her.”

One of two. Pointer. Point and jeer.

“Sharpshooter or fragile flower?”

Other, drinker. Just as most. Mostly morose.

“Church. We've been over this. Bullets. She knows this.”

“Her mother keeps a keen eye.”

“Of the Sextons?”

“Not one made claim to touch her, but one.”

Turtle and porcupine pawned a torch through a blazing trail, overheard outcrop of silent words.

“Yo, Buddy?”

Turtle had a back, no shell.

“Was that my name?”

“Such a dilemma, that Annie case.”

“Which one?”

Porcupine did a sit, then pointed to a sit, then took a stand. Syd was still on the fence. Respect on a mend.

“I respect women, but what about women who disrespect women?”

Turtle dove, diving down a crown.

“Respect a little less?”

Adeline, minding less of a mind and a little more risky business, less stake for steak, took to munching carpet. Similar texture, less cost.

Decimation, ten of them. Torturous conditions. Smaller and smaller, then lesser and greater than the sum of their tears for fears. Out on the other end, next kareoke session.

“My cue!” Glee, jitter bug and shut-in cough tourist.

As all else, empty, Syd, short for a name forbidden, spoke aloud.

“MOOD CHANGE TONIGHT!” Brought impassioned introduction, then a sing along to a line of lyric. “GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUUUUN!”

Abridged, bridged gaps, two ladies took hands. Unmarried, unbridled, in bridal regalia as regal as larked tongue.

“Why do you date him?” Lustrous loss owner inquired.

“He's harmless. Undangerous man, a safe, sure bet.” She curled over her hair, flexing her neck, sticking it outward in case ladies were to observe. Star tattooed, shoreline above the mantle.

Annie, less drink, more sorrow. Sylvie, more observant, sharp gaze.

“I prefer not to comment.”

“Leader of Sextons, her mother. Weren't the three of us in the same hospital?” Less Victoria, more Virginia mouthed audible.

“I share not her views. We begin and end with being acquainted.”

“Oh, come on, dear,” Sizzled, swizzled nails. Swerved, curly hair. White, silver, grey, painted. Glasses that zoom in and out of frame. “Do we not share our fascinations with death? Look around us, we have all suffered losses. We are dead among the dead. Is that not cause for celebration?”

Silent. Serene. Hostile.

“There are a million reasons to die. There are a million reasons to live. Regardless, we all experience one and the other at one point or another.”

“Hmph. Well, darling. We could talk for days about it.”

“Between nature and nurture, I do not force hands.”

She strode her stroll toward a grassy knoll within inner chambers of a table toward the back, varnished and vanished driftwood matte. Drink, had hand tilted with glass. Knotty bramble ale, crisp to the core of an apple and cider.

“I think I don't want society, but then I think I want society because society wants me to want society,” silver, slivered Syl.

“Societal pressures?” Verge in a woman inquiry.

“More that I don't know what I want if I don't have it. But do I only not want it because it wants me to not want it? And when I want it do I want it because it wants me to want it or is it my own desire? Do I desire to live in a society, or live outside? Do I desire to live, or without?”

Another fucking sip, babes took their places, hips and waist belly dances. Boomed a bounce off another end of another corner, crowd gathered to sharks and gatherers.

“I once knew a man named Dave,” dealer dealt shame.

“Say, pal, y'bought any penises recently?”

“Couldn't afford it. Couldn't win enough missions. Tried going in, trying on different dicks. Saw a penis I liked and asked the register. Clerk clocked me. Caught me and coughed up foul interplay of lessons in lack of funds and lack of missions won. Said come back when gang's more renowned. Screwed up, balls of screws.”

“What about a vagina?”

“Those are in even rarer supplies, mate. Try buyin' pussy and folks say 'our selection is for higher ranks. Come back with a little more, no a lot. Lot and lot of renown. Everyone wants one, those who can fit into one can't afford to have one. Now, them Hemingways, too good, little respect. Ain't know what to do. Men who love men, ain't go for dick, ain't try on pussy. Tell ya what's what?”

“My life's a litter box,” interjected strands of hair attached to a face, earl and mache.

“What, Dave?”

“We talking about cats? Because I own a house full. Over 20.”

“Yes, we know, Dave.”

“Y'know,” sized up undulate leader sliced up with a ruler lines of coke. “People think I do drugs, but I DO NOT DO DRUGS. What especially gets me is when they think I do heroin. No. None in this household. I am a vegan. I AM KOSHER. There are those who would call me a post-modernist, but lemme tell you guys somethin': if you measure out the diameter of a filthy swimming pool, describe the height, length, width, dimension, how clean the pool is and what made up the filth in the pool, in details, y'know what that is? REALISM. The real post-modernism is modernism, if you ask me. If you're too afraid to do a little research, then maybe DON'T GO OUT IN THE FIELD.”

Spread out were the cocaine powder locomotive rollercoaster. Salt or sugar, bitter pickle, all snow white.

“Now, anyone want some? I can't have any, I'm allergic.”

Grime, grit, salami-based muscle, pungent four fingers and a thumb attached to a potato called a palm reached for the flour, only for Dave to slap it away.

“Just so you know, a footnote is an endnote if it's at the end.”

Syl emerged from her drink, still in.

“Problem with Hemingway, when us women are ill, we are seen as the illness. When those men are ill, they are martyrs, brave soldiers. We are sent away to a hospital. To get better. Do we get better? Do we get worse? I think we change, in and out, there is a change, no doubt.” Slow sips.

“I'M JUST A GIRL, THAT'S ALL THAT YOU'LL LET ME BEEEEEE--”

Syd's singing. Unprompted.

Syl laugh. She does on alcohol.

“Do you love him?” Virginal census.

“I think I love love,” first responders. “I think I love loving love. But do I love? I think I would love to.”

“Are you in love?”

“Is love something to you as it is to me? I love love as a being, in or out. Am I being in love? I am loving being.”

Hunched, secrets whispered, lungs scattered. Liquids spilled. Glass intact. Bile of much knotty bramble.

“With me,” virgin of the wolfs. “We have much to discuss in the toilets.”

Two ladies followed the vortex of a single file line toward a horizontal stadium of stalls for all to enter. Few leave 'til close. Moss turns, moss directional, director of dissection, wash basins full of mossy oak. Ultimate of bidets on display, only few take. Most wash, some sign off on air.

Some folk wondered what the house special of the night would be, others wondered who belonged to which gang, or which gang belonged to who. There were those who wondered what constituted ale and bourbon and who owned the bonbons.

“You're probably wondering why I decided to show my face tonight,” leader of a ton of sex, hands spread, pose in a alphabetical T.

Nobody wondered that.

“Have mercy...” Mumbling Annie chit-chattered, tiptoed through tapped toes. No one took notice.

“Our gang has received a mission. Simple one at that. Simple, poetic. Seek out a member of the church,”

Others mumbled. Muttered, even.

“I know some of my children are in the audience tonight. Sippin' on some whine, wine, whinge, chardonnay. I ask: who would be willing to make me proud? My dear husband, perhaps? Or maybe I'll return to the hospital and seek if one of the doctors would be willing to join my family,” toot, tort, ruptured spinal speech, with a hoot and a howl to boot mixed in with something afoul afoot.

Splash spot, stood up was fraught fair-minded resolute, daughter with resolve.

“I'll go.”

Crone critter crept forward, slithered toward child (adult as she were).

“Ah, yes. Annie, my dear daughter,” hands upon Annie's shoulder, only her shoulder. Only her shoulder. Still, a flinch. Nerves before determination. Flushed, relieved, two faces attached to complete figures emerged and heard.

“Knowing how she operates. Disgusting.” Silver leadership spoke up.

“No flame, no phoenix. Speak of passion, yet dejection,” verge in a wolf shared opinion.

“True leaders fight alongside their people, or better yet, be the first to die.”

“At the least, inspire passion.”

“Instead, modifications.”

More shivers, between Sylver (if ever her name), Annie (a face green of gables expressed), or the great wolf.

Outside of it all, smokers smoked in the smokers' lounge.

“Wanna go back inside?” One asked.

“Nah. Hear some of the gang leaders are in there.”

Shackled awe, tight spot for jaw.

“What would they be doing here?”

“As private as they are, leadership have every bit of access to ales and spirits as any of us.”

“Now that I think of it, Ernie's always there.”

“Ah yes, 'blood of a unicorn' kid.”

“Blood of a unicorn?”

“Very same one.”

“Damn. Blood of a unicorn. I've been to the woods once or twice. No unicorns spotted. Rabbit, yes.”

“Rabbit? In the woods?”

“Very live rabbit!”

“Rabbit?”

“Hopped along.”

“Deadass? Rabbit?”

“No, alive rabbit.”

“No way. Those haven't existed for a while.”

“Anyway, we should head back inside. Bar's about to close.”

“Still, a rabbit.”

Some shady men, couple in fact, hand in hand, looking inward. Last drinks ordered: Brisk Bristol bourbon and Tempura Tequila.

Soon after, or not long, rather seconds after counting down the hours, safety in numbers huddled from day-to-day monotony began to rain away as seconds ran dry, as did the barrels.

“My doors will close,” bartender took to announcing, image appearing within every visible area of the distracted establishment. “Get your asses out and have a lovely hunt.”

Hemingway leader set down a sturdy book.

“War is ongoing,” Ernie walked, stuck to a miniscule cycle.

“Yes, my friend,” tip of the bartending hat toward world weary pint.

Other nights, others less dry. For a street of blood, oft wanted is a lick of water.

[ottermoone]

Tribute to Gwydion, Cat of cats

I lost my best friend two days ago. His name was Gwydion, and he was a few months shy of 12.

I was there the day he was born, in early 2007, when my neighbor knocked on our door and told us excitedly that her 2 cats were having kittens. I was 11 years old, in the 5th grade.

We hadn't initially expected to adopt a kitten, but the last litter of kittens had included a few white kittens, and my mother wanted another white cat, as we had lost an older white kitty who we'd both been very close to a couple years before. So we headed down and sat with a group of people, and watched the newborn kittens finally nuzzle up to their moms, a black cat named Hemy, and a tortoiseshell named Patches. Patches had a couple white kittens in her litter, and my mother asked the neighbor if we could adopt one of them when they were old enough.

5 or 6 weeks later, my mother came back up to our apartment with a small kitten. He was all white, except for his tail, which was orange and striped. I was told that he was only going to explore our apartment for a little bit before going back downstairs to his mom. I watched him run around excitedly, playing with my two other cats (Hercules and Persephone--both who hissed at him), and we laid out a shoebox filled with litter in case he needed to go, since he was so small we were afraid he'd get stuck in the regular litter box. He eventually used it, and squeezed out the tiniest and stinkiest poo I'd ever seen. I still remember it. My mother eventually took him back down to the neighbors', and a week or 2 later, he came to live with us permanently.

I didn't get to name him--my mother liked to give me the illusion of "choosing a name," which she'd then immediately reject before telling me what we were naming the animal. She initially told me we were going to name him Cernunnos, because she wanted a Celtic name for the cat, because of his coloring (white animals were considered sacred in Celtic mythology, apparently). She eventually rejected that name ("It sounds too much like 'Sir' ... Sir Lancelot, Sir Galahad...") and settled on Gwydion instead. It took me a full week before I was able to remember and pronounce his name (Gwid-ee-in).

My mother was an abusive hoarder, and we lived in poverty, so in the apartment we were living in at the time, we slept next to each other on a queen-sized memory foam mattress pad in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by trash and clothes and other junk. So the first night we brought Gwydion home, he did what all kittens do and started pouncing on anything that moved underneath a blanket. Unfortunately, when we tried to sleep, that ended up being our toes. After a half hour of him pouncing on our toes, my mother got impatient and told me to lock him up in another room for the night.

He began crying almost immediately, and when I was sure my mother had fallen asleep (as I knew I'd get in trouble otherwise), I went back in and grabbed him, took him back to the mattress pad with me, and laid him on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly until he fell asleep there, and then finally fell asleep myself. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there, and we were inseparable forever after. Every night after that, he'd come and lay on my neck or my chest, purring and kneading.

Over the next year, he got more orange coloring in his fur, and my mother gave him less attention (I think because he wasn't the pure white cat she had wanted, and also because she was jealous of the bond we shared), until it was plainly obvious that he was my cat.

We both suffered extremely abusive and impoverished conditions together over the years that I won't delve into here. But throughout those years, wherever we were living, and whether he was mainly an indoor or outdoor cat at the time, every night, he'd come to where I was sleeping, cuddle up next to me or on my chest, and stay there until I fell asleep.

For several years, he and my other cat, Hercules, were forced by my mother to be locked in my tiny room, day in and day out, never being allowed out, unless they happened to slip out when the bedroom door opened, and then ran outside (as the front door was almost always open due to broken AC). In those years, he learned what crying meant, and eventually, when I'd start crying, he'd immediately be there, forcing his way into my arms or onto my chest, kneading and purring until I stopped crying and fell asleep.

There was a day where I had basically made up my mind to kill myself. I was almost 13, and had laid in bed all day, from the time I woke up until after night time, with blackout curtains drawn. I hadn't eaten anything, and it felt like time didn't exist. It was the emptiest I can ever remember feeling. I just lay there, feeling nothing. Eventually, after hours of thinking about the quickest and easiest way to die, my mind settled on drinking bleach. As I started to sit up, getting ready to walk out of my room, he was suddenly on my lap from out of nowhere, crawling up my chest, kneading and purring. As if he knew. Looking back now, I realize he had been laying next to me the entire time, but I had been so out of it that I hadn't noticed. At that moment, all feeling came rushing back, and I began crying, horrified at what I'd almost done. I hugged him and cried some more until I fell asleep.

We moved again after a few years, this time into government housing, and he was allowed to roam the apartment or go outside as often as he wanted. Still, every night without fail, when I laid down, he'd be there next to me.

A few days after my 18th birthday, I secretly brought all my important belongings to school with me, and moved in with my boyfriend. I hadn't been able to get Gwydion out because I hadn't wanted to raise my mother's suspicions before I left--we had stopped letting him outside as often because I didn't want him to get hurt. I had planned on it for weeks, though--my boyfriend had planned to show up that morning with a cat carrier as I quietly slipped him out the door and into my boyfriend's waiting car. But the night before, I realized my mother would notice if he were suddenly gone all day, and that it might hurt my chances of getting out, and if I couldn't get out, I couldn't ever get Gwydion out. So I let my boyfriend know not to come pick him up. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made.

Those few months without him at night were rough, and I felt so guilty. But eventually, a few months later, my mother was evicted, and she asked me to take him and Hercules or they would be going to the pound. My boyfriend was super sweet and helped me pick them up, as well as necessary cat supplies, and thus began Gwydion's second life. He was 7 years old.

Gwydion had always been sweet to me, but he'd never been fixed, and he'd also been through abuse and lived outside part time, so he wasn't very sweet to other people. He also liked to spray. One of the first things we did was get him fixed and vaccinated. He immediately stopped spraying, and within a few short months, he was cuddling with my boyfriend as well.

For the first time, I was able to spoil him. He was able to walk and climb anywhere he wanted, he had multiple places to lay, he had access to a constant supply of food that never ran out, he had AC, he had a clean litter box, he had his best friend Hercules, he had two people doting on him, he didn't have fleas, and once every week, on Friday night, he'd get canned food. It took a little time, but eventually, he relaxed fully and began to enjoy himself, and he became an even more amazing cat, if that's even possible. He stopped laying on my chest every night, but that's mainly because he could come and lay on my chest or my boyfriend's chest at any time of the day he wanted. He would sometimes lay right on top of both of us at night though, which wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it was still sweet.

Hercules was put to sleep a few years later, in November of 2016. Gwydion didn't eat for 3 days, and so I eventually took him to the vet, and they induced his appetite. Thankfully he ate after that, but he was very stand-offish for the next few months.

Around the same time, we got a new kitten from the nearby shelter, who we named Crono. At first, Gwydion cuddled with Crono, but after Hercules' passing, he began to growl and hiss at Crono, and eventually, Crono learned to leave him alone. Feeling bad that Crono had no one to play with, we eventually got a 3rd cat from the same shelter, an 8 month old kitten, who we named Noctis. Noctis and Crono became immediate best friends, and within a month, Gwydion began being his old self again too, grooming the other two and even playing with them at times.

We moved a few months later, this time into a bigger apartment with a backyard and multiple windows, and we got a cat tree. Gwydion had always loved sunbathing, and so he loved this apartment. He could walk almost anywhere in the apartment and have access to a window. He also continued playing with the other two for a little while, which meant he gained a little muscle and evened out to a healthy weight. He was so happy I swear he glowed.

Unfortunately, a few months ago, he started losing weight rapidly, even though he was eating more. For reasons I don't want to explain here, including the fact that he was no longer cleaning himself, I realized a few days ago that this was it, and to keep going just because I adored him would be selfish of me. In my teens, I had seen multiple animals die without the benefit of euthanasia. I couldn't bear the thought of him having to go through that, and I realized he was getting close. So I made the hardest decision I've ever made, and chose to help him go.

My boyfriend and I were able to get a vet to visit us, as he'd always hated car trips. He got to spend his last day sun bathing, getting his favorite canned food, and his favorite treats. He spent his last hour cuddling on my lap. He was too tired and weak to lay up on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly as he lay there, and he passed quietly as I stroked him and told him I loved him.

It still doesn't feel entirely real. The moments when it does, the pain cuts deeper than a hot knife. I will be honest--I don't believe in an afterlife. I wish I did. Because then I might get some solace from the "Rainbow Bridge" poem, or the multitude of pictures assuring me that he's in heaven now, watching over me. But I will never see him again. He is gone. He'll never come up to me again, kneading and purring and booping my face. I'll never hear his sassy little voice again. It's going to take a long time to fully process. But I do know this: if angels were real, he'd be one. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for him. I wouldn't know the meaning of unconditional love, and I wouldn't be who I am or where I am now without having had the honor of having him in my life. So no matter the pain that continues to come in waves as reality settles over me, I will never regret bringing that little kitten with the stinky poop, who pounced on my toes while I tried to sleep, home.

I love you so much, baby boy. I am glad you existed at the same time as I did. I will carry the memory of you with me for as long as I live.

One of our first nights together.

Stuck in my room together. One of the few times he wore a collar. He tore it off not long after this picture was taken.

After he moved in with me and my boyfriend. Very relaxed and carefree

Pretty boy ❤️

Arm hugging and purring like crazy

Gwydion and Hercules: best friends

Part 2

Cuddling with one of our rats, Rosa

Cuddling with Crono when he was a kitten

The last picture taken, a week ago: cuddling with Noctis.

.

.

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Rest in peace, baby kitty.

[mikebramirez-blog]

An electric powered Litter Box - How it will help You and The Cat of yours

Readily available in various different sizes and shapes, the electrical litter box's primary objective is usually to immediately scoop and store the old litter in an unique compartment. This allows for the cat to handle the business of theirs and also really makes it easy to toss the excess when it's time.

These useful gadgets keep your house smelling fresh, no matter if you're away. Apart from the smell factor, these boxes moreover make cleaning the box much less of a task. And so simple in fact that others might really volunteer for the task rather than shying away from every households minimum sought chore.

In the beginning, the cat of yours may be a bit afraid of the electrical litter box. The point that it will make some sound might be a frightening thing for kitty. With time and persistence, the usage of this package can be the solution to a lot of typical difficulties and frustrations. You'll not come home to an odor which is going to smell up the entire house, and also you'll don't need to scoop poop yourself. The electric litter box can help out in ensuring your house smells clean and fresh and additionally, it allows for the cat to undertake whatever they have to accomplish meanwhile while you're very busy.

The most significant thing with regards to this item is usually to be patient. Most cats change to an electrically charged litter box very fast. A number of these boxes aren't a lot different in look than a regular cat package, making it much easier for kitty to realize exactly where they're going potty. You need to put the new box of yours in similar site as the old one because this is going to be less confusing for the cat to adjust to.

When your pet will become used to the new box of theirs, you are able to completely enjoyt the advantages of your brand new automatic litter box helper. Not only is a thoroughly clean package nicer to exist with, though it may be better for people and cats alike.

Find more information self cleaning litter box

[showmeurtitties]

Bro my neighbor keeps asking me to clean her apartment for her, she’s only a year older than me and could easily do it herself. Last time she asked me to “help her clean” she sat on the couch and watched tv while I cleaned and she even made me do the dishes for her. I got sick of it cuz everyday she would call me and make me clean or ask me to hang out but as soon as I’d go down to her apartment she’d hand me a trash bag. I’ve said no several times but she’s super insistent and won’t take no for an answer. She even asked me to clean on the day of my uncles funeral and then I said no I have to go to my uncles funeral. And then after the funeral she asked me again. While I was at the party where my family celebrates my uncles life my eating and talking about him and their memories of him. The girl has never once paid me after I helped her clean. And when I say clean I mean deep clean. 4 hours cleaning non stop. Even cook for her, clean the cats litter box and bathe her cat. Last time I was at her apartment she asked me to watch her self harm. I blocked her number and now I’m avoiding her. After I blocked her number I thought that was the end of it. No. She comes to my apartment everyday and asks my mom if I’m home, my mom always makes up an excuse while I hide in my bedroom closet in case the girl wants to check my room (cuz she’s asked to check before). My entire family hates her cuz they all know she’s harassing me. She calls and texts me from several different numbers EVERY DAY. So far Shes called me from 7 different numbers. Ever since this started I’ve started having panic attacks. One time when my mom wasn’t home she came into our apartment. The door was unlocked. She came into my bedroom while I was sleeping and woke me up to tell me to come clean. Now my mom put a lock on my bedroom door and has started locking our front door when she leaves for work. We told our landlord about her and he’s mad cuz I will help him with electronic stuff from time to time (he’s old) and he really likes me. He doesn’t know she’s been calling me from several different numbers but he does know that she’ll make me clean and just sit there on the couch and watch tv. The reason we didn’t tell him everything is because my moms afraid that he’ll go to her and confront her. He’s 7ft tall and scary as fuck. And he’s not afraid to raise his voice. I really don’t want to cause drama with her cuz she would probably try to fight me and I’m afraid of her. Plus I’ve never been in a fight before and she’s taller than me and I only weigh 100 lbs so I’d get my ass kicked. But I just wish she’d take a hint and leave me alone. I have to tip toe around my house everyday because I’m afraid she’ll hear me and knock on the door or call me. It’s like I’m living in hell.

[savrenim]

I keep almost opening tumblr to write a Big Long Post About My Life Because Goddamnit This Place Used To Be My Diary Until Suddenly I Got Involved In The H*milton Fandom And A Whole Bunch Of Strangers Started Following Me, and then, like. suddenly got more self-conscious. as well as better at dealing with stuff in my life so I haven’t really felt the need to vent, when did I become a semi-responsible semi-functional adult. but you know what? what the hell. there are things that I actually vaguely do want to vent about because dear gods has my life Been Ridiculous of late.

I am approximately 3/4 the person that I used to be? which is a dramatic way of stating that I used to be about 200lbs, I didn’t actually know because in theory I’ve aggressively avoided scales since high school because I used to have pretty bad anorexia and then orthorexia and binge eating then, it got better after I decided I don’t care about anything physical and just cut off all thoughts about anything like that and refused to acknowledge anything more than following the rule of eating three meals a day, but in practice I go to the doctor yearly and can access my medical records online and every once in a while can check with a friend and being steady over the last year or two meant that I was about 200lbs.

I was 153lbs the last time I checked, and I’ve been checking weekly just to make sure that I Don’t Keep Drastically Losing Weight, because this has all been since March. not even the beginning of March, the second half of March. I almost definitely lost thirty pounds in a month, a month and a half. and then have at least been losing weight more slowly after that? it has been fucking insane and I hated every second of it, wheeeee. (what happened in March was I got sick with the flu, couldn’t eat for a week, lost a fair bit of weight from that, and then my appetite/taste buds solidly shifted after only eating lentil soup back to super healthy vegetarian rice and beans and what-not that I’d been eating at the beginning of the school year, instead of take-out type deal, and I was actually getting sleep and going to more Tai Chi and every other week my car was breaking down so I was walking places a bunch and sudden lots of exercise + change in diet + not as stressed as first semester and getting sleep actually is a fairly healthy way to lose weight?)

but boooooy did it freak me out when I suddenly fit into jeans from the start of college that I had kept thinking I’d never fit into them again because Holy Fuck All Of My I’m Starving And Am Going To Die instincts kicked in and all of my actual close friends are online friends which meant besides one comment from a Tai Chi instructor directly after I’d been out for three weeks from slowly recovering from the flu (which actually was the nicest way anyone has ever commented on my weight, it was an “oh you’ve lost weight” “yeah I had the flu pretty bad, that’s where I’ve been for three weeks, couldn’t eat for a week and have been slowly getting back to solid meals” “oh yeah that really sucks, happened to a friend of mine last year, I think there are still pictures it’s scary” instead of a well you look good response, Thomas P is great and I love him) but absolutely no one was commenting and it made me feel like I was going crazy and I had no idea how much I weighed so how much I should be freaking out and no data even to compare that against, which was why I eventually broke and got a scale so that I could at least have datapoints and figure out when I was steady again because gods I just wanted to be steady

and, like, that was one of the literal worst parts of losing weight in high school, it was ballooning from 100lbs to 200lbs and all the not-so-subtle judgement from my mother when I came back various breaks during college and the number of times I had to threaten not to come back at all if she so much as commented on my weight so she found other ways of commenting about “why are you skipping aikido tonight, you only have so many times to go to the studio before you’re back east,” and, like, the constant fight of her either deciding to pay for my food or that she wouldn’t pay for any of it because I ate too much of it, and then, like. after having lost so much weight needing to get new bras and honestly some new clothes despite the fact that I haven’t bought fitted clothes since the very start of college because I’ve just been so fucking afraid of my weight ballooning again and not being able to fit into anything, considering I don’t really have money to drop on a new wardrobe as I get everything as cheap as possible or hand-me-down anyways and then wheeee that brought up all the shitty memories from high school where my mother refused to get me a new uniform when I weighed too much for my old one so I spent a year squeezing into skirts that left imprints on my waist and wearing long sweaters to cover the fact that I couldn’t zip them up, and, like. suddenly losing weight also triggered the fear of am I going to gain it all back then more and be stuck with a wardrobe that even though it was designed loose in the first place, still won’t fit me, which is ridiculous because I’m steadying out and it’s not like my diet or patterns are going to change again, just. gods have these past few months brought up a fair bit of past trauma and I a little bit wish more people had reached out to me and responded but I bugged the right people and they hella listened and made sure enough that old instincts and old fears didn’t get involved and, like. I like this body? I’m more flexible and my balance is a bit better and I can punch differently but just as well and I need to get used to groundfighting and throws with it but lack of mass is made up for in other ways. gods I love Tai Chi and it is the one thing that has kept me sane through all of this because no matter what my body looks like the thing that’s been most important to me is that physically, I’m dangerous, and that’s not about weight. that’s about strength, that’s about training, I’m in that studio now eight hours a week because that is the maximum number of classes they have for adults and I can practice on my own and just. the one time that I feel fiercely okay and goddamn happy about the fact that I have a physical form is knowing that if someone messes with me, I can defend myself, and proving it to myself over and over and over.

but yeah that’s been going on.

then there are the kittens can you tell how much my life has been made better by the kittens, I love these kittens so much, the story behind the kittens is that I saw a cat meowing outside, thought it was a stray kitten because of how small and starving it looked but knocked on doors to see if it belonged to any of my neighbors before I just took it to a vet type deal, and it belonged to the woman behind the first door I knocked on, who asked me why, do you want her, which I thought was weird, then said woman shouted at me from her window as I was taking out trash that seriously, this cat just had three kittens, she needed money and to get rid of them, was I interested in buying any of them off her, I was just going to get Talvus and then it was a combo of “she gave me the kitten at 4 weeks which then I couldn’t get him to eat anything because he hadn’t been weaned yet and kittens can’t be separated from the rest of their litter until 12 or 13 weeks or they don’t socialize correctly” that just. waaaasn’t good. as well as the other two kittens were adorable and I’d named them and it seemed for a little while like my girlfriend might be able to take one so I went “listen just give me all three at 8 weeks once they’re weaned and I’ll take it from there”

and I’m so fucking glad I did this

she was keeping all three of them in a cage most of the time, they weren’t using her litter box because she was barely cleaning it so she was surprised to hear they weren’t peeing all over my house, I’m actually taking them to get vaccinated and spayed/neutered which I can only afford because the Friends of Animals program exists but also, holy fuck have I been spending a lot of my savings between kittens and needing to drive everyone everywhere so a whole bunch of tolls and gas money to my fiance staying with me for a bit but that both meant buying more expensive groceries than I usually do because she eats meat as well as a whole bunch of errands to run and little things that add up (and then she got strep and just. it was a nightmare.)

right my car has been breaking down too, that’s been exciting, thank you my grandfather for dying and leaving enough inheritance-wise that I have been able to afford getting a different used car despite wheee leaking money left and right this summer but fixing up this one consistently because if I don’t I’m even More Fucked despite it not being worth it has legitimately burned through a solid quarter of my savings. like. I don’t have the right to say that I’m worried about money because I do still have some savings and a stipend coming in each month from research that pays for food and groceries so it’s not like it’s gotten tight so much as I have had to just deal with savings exist because sometimes emergencies come up and you Gotta Spend Them and hopefully I’ll save more next year and having a car that doesn’t break down every other month is going to help

considering the old car is in now perfect working condition I’m giving it to a friend of mine for $300 with the stipulation that if it breaks down at all over the next year I will refund them any of that $300 that they don’t make selling it to a junkyard because I didn’t want to waste a perfectly fine working car and my friends are even more poor than me I just. also am hemorrhaging money left and right and gods maybe that will help.

my fiance and I figured out that we’re probably never going to live together. from a combination of we have very, very different schedules to she needs so much structure in her life that slowly wears away at my spoons to not even give it to her but to re-arrange my own schedule and contribute to the logistics of her making it happen for herself, like, I can sit at the table in my apartment and work for eight hours on research and pause because there’s food in my kitchen to grab a thing to eat, she needed to go to a coffee shop every morning to be able to concentrate because if it wasn’t going out with a goal of doing something and being somewhere she wouldn’t be able to concentrate and it would mess up the entire day, which, like. wasn’t terrible because I usually walk for coffee anyways and can work anywhere but having that be a Necessary Logistic that I Have To Push For In The Morning Because God Help Anyone Who Tries To Wake The Sleeping Dragon (even though said sleeping dragon prefers to be on schedules where she wakes up at 6:30am, unlike my usual 10:00am, and we tried to compromise for 8:30am but guess who was the one who was always up first because I actually listen to my alarm and then dear gods is it stressful to wake people up)

(as well as this is not all her, it is also me, like. I need everything to be perfectly organized in terms of logistics so if someone hasn’t eaten yet it will bug me so I will ping them every half an hour of “you’ve forgotten to eat lunch, can we make lunch happen for you,” or there is a very specific state of clean that I need the apartment to be, or I’m incredibly antisocial at times, I can’t deal with someone touching me or fall asleep next to them if I’m stressed or if it’s hot so spent a couple of nights on the couch, as well as I’m picky about exactly the way the chores get done so needed to do all of them, the tl;dr is I think I have discovered my ideal living situation is living alone, at least most of the time and maybe having a house to visit on weekends, because I love her and love to spend time with her but also need a lot of space and long periods of quiet to do the work that I need to get done)

which, like

absolutely none of this is detrimental to our actual plans for our relationship, considering our actual plans are “we both are very busy people, she actually does have a group of people that she lives with very very well and that actively work well into her schedule, I have my kittens and my math and my facetime and my weekends with people, and the basis of our relationship is the commitment and the external alliance and the face that we present the world as well as the fun of getting to be gay and go on cute dates every once in a while, it’s not that we live well or lifestyle well together, it’s that we powercouple well together, so pick and choose the things that work and keep those.” which also works really well for she’s thinking of raising kids and I’m probably going to bounce around location-wise in post doc positions for a while before I find somewhere I might be able to settle with tenure, and, like. that’s not a good environment to raise kids in.

(we’re poly. we’re so poly. can you tell how poly we are. it’s one of the things that solidly makes us work, because we don’t have to force the other one to be everything, she’s found someone that she solidly likes that we’re calling prospective duckling papa, I also solidly like this person, so. kids might actually be a thing on the actual horizon, although probably not in the house that I’m spending most of my time, so that’s interesting. and terrifying. and expensive. and hopefully at least five years away.)

and then also I...finally had a conversation with a friend that I’ve been meaning to have for a while? that I really hope and I really think I did get across the whole “I care about our friendship the way that society mostly expects people to care about and be committed to romantic relationships, which is almost why it’s weird to just call you a friend which is why we are having this conversation, not because I Am In Romantic Love With You Again” of basically just “considering I’ve been thinking about and mapping out the actual relationships in my life and the ones that are steady and that are going to stick around, you know that I love you, right, and that you’re one of the ones that I really really want to stick around” and, like

gods do I love this person so much. and just....the role they have played in my life over the years? the way that I can talk to them and the things that I can talk to them about and share with them and math and physics and stories and DnD stories because gods do I rant about that to anyone who will listen and they get it pretty bad, oops, but they put up with it. and just the sum of who they are to me right now? is one of the most important people in my life. and I get so self-conscious of “but do I mean anything back to you at all, of course no one cares about me and this is Entirely One Sided but that’s okay I’ve always been the person who was going to jump in front of the bullet because I go more intense than other people” but, like. besides the friends that actively know that they are surrogate siblings to me. There’s my fiance, that I trust actually loves me as much as I love her, because we are very gay and we talk about it all the time. There’s another friend that is actually one of the few people that I’m physically comfortable with because both (a) he is as asexual as me so I can actually make out or cuddle with him while knowing that there is zero interest in sex happening in the encounter, and (b) has spent years slowly setting boundaries and slowly negotiating comfort levels together and has been an amazing friend and fantastic part of my life in other ways and, like, so yeah, I love him, and he’s well aware of that, and he loves me, and I’m not self-conscious about that, but, just.

there is this part of me that always goes “nope you don’t matter to people” or at least the people that matter to me unless I have Lots Of Data to back it up and you know what I have fucking data to back this one up and this person explicitly told me that they care about me too

and it bothers me to love a person a bunch and then go “but oh gods I need to be so careful and delicate about saying it because what if They Get The Wrong Message and I don’t want to make things awkward on their end” which also is complete bullshit because this person has heard me talk about how I think and feel about things for years so if anyone is going to actually know that I’m not lying or sidestepping the truth in what I mean when I say I love them it’s going to be them but just. I guess time to build up the confidence that it is okay to directly express how much I care about this person the way that I have gotten comfortable expressing the way I care about other people in my inner circle because at least now I have their word that they know, they’re okay with it, they care about me right back too type deal

and that is all the drama that has been going on in my life

[foxesandferrets]

Baby Fever

@ainu, Claudia and I were talking about Kagehina and cats, and thus this silly thing was born. Thanks for always giving me inspiration, I love you guys <3

(Cat name by Ainu)

********                          ********

Kageyama wasn’t sure how he ended up there, with the smell of way too many animals in much too small a space filling his nostrils as Hinata looked around the room with wonder in his eyes. Except, he did know. He knew exactly how it happened, he was just baffled at how he let it get this far.

It had been several nights ago, when Hinata stretched across the couch and plopped his head in Kageyama’s lap, forcing him to move the sports magazine he was reading out of the way so he could pout up at him. The pout was met with a frown, which made a smile tug at Hinata’s lips, but he pushed it away.

“Tobiooooo,” he whined, adding puppy dog eyes to the expression.

“Your head is digging into my hip,” he answered, pretending to be uninterested.

“Oh, sorry.” Hinata scooted down, resting his head on the soft part of Kageyama’s thigh before looking back up. “Tobiooooo! I want a baby.”

Kageyama froze, going rigid as his face turned red hot. “You what?”

“I want a baby,” Hinata repeated, his pout spreading into a wide grin. “A cute chubby one that we can dress up in tiny volleyball clothes and spoil rotten. What do you think?”

“Shou,” Kageyama sputtered, suddenly feeling like some huge responsibility was weighing on his shoulders. A baby? He could barely take care of himself, and his mom still made monthly trips to make sure their fridge was full and the two of them hadn’t been crushed under a tower of unwashed clothes. “We...we aren’t even married. We can barely afford rent. You’re still in school. I work at a gym!”

“But I really want one,” he continued, rolling toward Kageyama to bury his face in his stomach. “Won’t our love be enough to support us?”

“Not when we need diapers and baby food and doctor's visits and cribs and,” Kageyama paused, stress crashing over him about how he would manage to provide for his dumb boyfriend and their nonexistent child. “We can’t. There’s no way. Shou we’re only 25 for fuck’s sake.”

“Fine, no baby,” Hinata mumbled against his shirt. “I’ll just wallow in sadness until the day I can love a tiny human and teach them all of my volleyball wisdom. But until then I’ll need something to fill the void in my heart. I think a kitten will do the job.”

Kageyama sighed a breath of relief. A kitten he could do. A kitten is manageable. And kibble and litter are much less expensive than formula and baby clothes.

“Fine.” He absentmindedly let his hand fall down to Hinata’s hair, running his fingers through that fiery orange that never burns. “We can go to a shelter this weekend.”

“Great!” Hinata rolled back over, beaming up at Kageyama as he pulled his phone from his pocket. “Look at this cute food and water bowl set I found, it has little fish on the sides. And this cat tree! It’s three levels, and there are feathers hanging from the top and a built in scratching post! And-,”

“Wait a minute,” Kageyama said, realization dawning on him. “You never wanted a baby, did you? You wanted a kitten all along and knew I’d say no.”

“No take backs, you already said yes!”

“You little bastard.”

Hinata blew a kiss upwards, but Kageyama just glared, not wanting to accept his defeat but knowing he’d lost. “I learned it from some boring show about marketing my mom was watching when I visited. It’s called door in the face technique. You start with something big, knowing it’ll get turned down, and then you give your real offer and they’re more likely to say yes. And it worked!”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t get used to it, I’m onto you now,” he mumbled, reaching for his magazine.

“Sure, babe. Whatever you say.”

Hinata had spent the rest of the night picking out collars and toys for the kitten and shoving his phone in Kageyama’s face to gush about how cute they were. Eventually he had to wrestle the phone away to keep him from spending their food budget on a pink and gold self cleaning litter box.

On the drive to the shelter saturday morning Hinata was practically bouncing out of his seat, which wasn’t that much more distracting than his usual fidgeting, but enough to make Kageyama worry it was a driving hazard. As soon as the car was parked Hinata flew out, bounding up the concrete steps and through the shelter door. Kageyama followed, making sure to lock the car and taking the steps at a slower pace, and met up with Hinata behind a door that said plainly: ‘Cat Room.’

“There’s so many!” Hinata looked around amidst the roaring meows, frozen in place as he tried to choose where to start. He settled on the loudest one, a little black kitten with white sock paws that was practically screaming through the bars of his cage. Kageyama wondered how so much noise could come out of such a small creature. Hinata reached a hand out to the kitten, sticking his fingers through the bars despite the clear ‘Do not put hands in cage’ sign hanging above it, and quickly drew it back as the kitten latched on with clawed sock paws and shoved it into his mouth made of razors.

“Ow! Bad kitty!” Hinata frowned down at the thin line of blood forming on his finger. “Tobio! He cut me.”

“Read the sign, dumbass,” Kageyama answered, pointing at the paper. “They put that there for a reason. Cats are evil.”

“They are not!” Hinata gasped, looking offended. “They’re sweet little angels.”

“They’re killing machines, urged on by their anger over the fact that they’re too small to kill a human.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Hinata said, turning back to the cages but keeping his fingers to himself. “He’s just grumpy because he thinks animals don’t like him.”

That was true, but Kageyama wouldn’t admit it out loud. He never had a pet growing up, and every time he’d been introduced to a friend’s pet they seemed nonchalant towards him, usually ignoring him and going about their business. He even tried to approach stray cats around town that he had seen other’s feed, but they always flattened their ears and ran away. He wasn’t sure what he did wrong, or if it was just some presence he had that scared animals off, but he’d given up on trying to make them like him years ago.

Unsure of what he planned to achieve, he walked up to one of the cages, staring down at an older tabby with a soft face and sagging belly that showed she’d had multiple litters of kittens. Thinking of her stuck in there, all alone and without her babies, tugged at Kageyama’s heartstrings. He let out an exhale before nervously lifting his hand to the bars where she could sniff at his fingers but he could pull back quickly if she went on the attack. She was careful not to touch him with her nose as she smelled him curiously, and for a moment Kageyama thought she might actually let him pet her, but before he could attempt it she turned, sticking her tail straight up in the air as she made her way to the very back of the cage and flopped down.

“Oh, whatever,” he mumbled, sticking his tongue out at the cat and feeling dumb for acting so childish. “I didn’t want to pet you anyway.”

He sulked back toward the door, resting his back against the frame and shoving his hands in his pockets. He figured he might as well just wait for Hinata to pick, it’d be his cat anyway. It wouldn’t want anything to do with Kageyama.

He watched as Hinata darted around the room, cooing and clucking his tongue at different cats, all of which came up to the bars to greet him. Some let him gently rub their heads and some attempted to chew his fingers off, but all of them interacted with him somehow. Even the momma tabby came back to the bars when Hinata peered in at her, and Kageyama tried to ignore the sad bit of jealousy that climbed up his throat as she rubbed her cheek across his outstretched finger.

This is fine, he thought, as long as it makes Hinata happy I don’t need the cat to like me too.

Hinata knelt before one of the cages close to the floor, saying something about “what a pretty baby” to a disgruntled looking ball of gray fluff inside, and just above his head, Kageyama locked eyes with a pair of round blue eyes. The cat just stared at him, sitting patiently as if daring him to come over and talk to it. So he did. What did he have to lose?

The cat, a tiny orange thing with thick downy fur, sat just far enough away from the bars that Kageyama’s fingers couldn’t reach it, watching silently as he tried. It cocked its head to the side, as if it was interested in him but not quite sure if he was safe.

“Oh, that’s a pretty one,” Hinata said beside him, startling Kageyama as he quickly pulled his hand back. “Here kitty kitty.”

The cat immediately perked up when Hinata appeared, letting out a soft mew and pressing her face against the bars. Hinata rubbed his finger on the bridge of her nose and she started to purr.

“I think she likes you,” Kageyama said, checking the tag on her cage for the gender.

“Isn't she gorgeous, Tobio?” Hinata asked, rubbing at her chin as she flopped down and rolled over, stretching her paws out past the cage bars. “Look, she has your eyes!”

As if on cue the cat looked up at him, blue meeting blue. Kageyama ignored the sudden bit of affection he felt for the kitten, knowing it would only hurt him later. “Yeah, well, she has your hair,” he said, watching as the cat meowed loudly at Hinata, standing back up and trying to force her face through the bars to get closer to him and almost getting stuck. “And your stupidity.”

“Then it’s destiny!” Hinata turned, grabbing Kageyama’s hand and smiling wide. “She’s part me and part you. She’s our baby!”

“Don’t say weird shit, Shou,” Kageyama chided, looking back at the cat who paused her escape attempts to stare at him again. “It’s just a cat.”

“A perfect cat,” he continued. “Let’s take her home.”

“Are you sure that’s the one you want?”

Again with perfect timing, the cat reached out and latched a claw into Hinata’s shirt, meowing sadly at him as if she was afraid he’d leave her. He gently removed her claw and held her paw in his hand. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Kageyama called for an employee who came to transfer the cat into a cardboard travel box. As soon as the cage door was open the cat practically leapt at Hinata, landing in his arms as he frantically tried not to drop her. It took a full five minutes to get her off of Hinata and into the box, meowing loudly in protest the entire time.

She continued to yell at them until they were in the car and Hinata impatiently opened the box.

“Hey, dumbass! Don’t open that in here!” Kageyama called, thoughts of cats running under brake pedals and cars spinning out in fiery death spirals flashing in his mind.

“Don’t worry, she’ll behave. Won’t you?” The cat hopped easily out of the box and onto Hinata’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck and making him giggle. “Ah, your nose is cold!”

“Just keep a grip on her.”

“What’re we gonna call her, Tobio?”

Kageyama thought of all the cat names he knew, which wasn’t many.

“Uh, Fluffy? Whiskers? Those are cat names, yeah?”

“Boo,” Hinata pouted. “Those are so boring. She needs a unique name. Something super cool, like Spike!”

“Why would you name her Spike? Tosses are better.”

“You want to name the cat Toss?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Because it sounds ridiculous, that’s why not,” Hinata told him, moving the box to the floorboard and moving the cat to his lap where she curled up and purred loudly. “Besides, if we’re gonna name her after something you do why don’t we just call her Leaving-Wet-Towels-On-The-Bathroom-Floor?”

“Well if we name her after stuff you do we can call just her Coercing-My-Boyfriend-Into-Buying-Me-A-Kitten.”

“Let’s name her after something we both love,” Hinata said, waving away the faux argument. “What’s something you love?”

“You.”

“Oh, shut up, this is serious,” Hinata said, trying to play off the way the answer made his cheeks tinge pink. Kageyama smiled to himself. Hinata was so cute when he was caught off guard.

“Fine. Uh, volleyball, milk, those little oddly shaped m&ms that end up in the bag sometimes and are way more candy shell than chocolate.”

“Those are terrible names,” Hinata giggled, his hand moving softly over the lightly dozing kitten.

“My turn. I love spiking, but you already shot that one down, eating cookie dough, when you get to the subway really early and the seats are still cold and it feels like the world is still sleeping.”

“Shou, you can’t name a cat after a feeling. Think of one word things.”

“Okay, okay. I love meatbuns.”

“Me too,” Kageyama said, turning to look at Hinata and raising an eyebrow as if to ask ‘is that it?’

“Nikupan,” Hinata said, smiling down at the cat. “We can all her Niku for short.”

“Well, it’s unique.”

“Then it’s perfect. We’re gonna take such good care of you, Niku.”

***

As Kageyama expected, Niku could not care less about him. He tried for a while, buying her special treats and toys and giving them to her when Hinata wasn’t home, but she always ignored him and eventually he gave up. She slept in their bed but always curled up near Hinata’s feet where Kageyama couldn’t reach her. And when Hinata was home she was glued to his side. They were  inseparable, and even though it hurt him a little he was  just glad that Niku made Hinata happy.

Though, she didn’t just love Hinata. When their friends and family came over she warmed up quickly to them too. Everyone was enamored with her, laughing as she played with bits of string or meowed loudly at them, demanding to be picked up.

But that was all fine, Kageyama decided. They didn’t have to get along. He’d leave her alone, and she’d keep on avoiding him, and everything would be fine.

That is, until Hinata went to visit his mom and sister for a weekend, and Kageyama couldn’t take off of work to accompany him, leaving him and Niku home alone for two days. It was longer than they’d ever spent together without Hinata, and Kageyama would be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid of how it would go.

The first day was fine. He didn’t see her at all, no tuft of orange fur sticking out from under the couch or flash of fire as she disappeared around a corner. The only way he knew she was even there was the steadily emptying food bowl in the kitchen. That night he rolled over in his sleep, reaching for Hinata and instead getting a handful of cat, eyes flying open to find Niku perched precariously on the edge of the bed where she probably thought Kageyama couldn’t reach her. She was gone faster than he could pull his hand back, retreating out of the room and down the hall, clearly betrayed by his audacity.

The next morning was the same. No sign of Niku anywhere. Kageyama sighed, filling her food and water bowls, and left for work.

That evening, Kageyama’s heart sank as he unlocked the door and stepped into the kitchen, his eyes immediately falling to Niku’s food bowl, which was completely untouched.

“Oh no,” he whispered, immediately pulling open cabinets and hoping she got herself stuck somewhere in the house. “Kitty kitty! Niku, kitty, where are you?” He crawled around the house, searching under every piece of furniture and in every nook and cranny he could think of. Normally he would feel like an idiot crawling around and meowing, but all he could see was a little orange kitten in the belly of some wild animal and Hinata telling him how much he hated him for letting his best friend get out.

The only place left to to check was the bedroom, but by that point Kageyama’s heart was in his stomach, and it sank even further when he saw the little hole ripped in the screen of the window above the dresser. “Oh shit,” he breathed, running to the window and looking out. All he saw was the alley between their building and the one beside it, shadows growing across it as the sun began to set, and a rather large stray dog sniffing around a dumpster. He knew he’d never be able to find her without Hinata’s help, and Hinata would be furious and probably break up with him when he found out.

“Niku?” He yelled, making an old woman walking by the mouth of the alley stop at stare at him, but he didn’t care.There was a high pitched meow from below, so soft he almost missed it, sending a rush of adrenaline through his veins. “Niku!”

The meow caught the attention of the stray dog, causing it to rush over and start barking at the dumpster and pawing beneath it, sniffing and snarling.

“Hey! Leave her alone you dumbass dog!” The dog paid no attention to Kageyama, too occupied by the kitten cries that were coming from the dumpster. Suddenly remembering that his legs worked, Kageyama turned and sprinted from the bedroom and back out the front door. He took the stairs three at a time, praying that he’d make it in time to save Niku, and it wasn’t until he skid to a stop halfway down the alley that he realized he had no idea how to scare the dog off.

From this angle he could see the little orange cat under the dumpster backed up against the building, the dog’s paws inches away from her. She was puffed up twice her size and hissing as intimidatingly as she could, but the dog was unphased.

“Dammit,” Kageyama hissed, searching the ground for something he could use to scare the dog. His eyes landed on a rusted metal baking tray and the broken handle of a baseball bat, which he scooped up and continued running toward the dog.

“Hey dumbass!” He yelled, banging the bat against the tray as hard as he could. The sound reverberated between the buildings, making the dog stop to look up at him. “Go eat someone else’s cat!” As he got closer the dog’s eyes went wide, the sound growing bigger and louder, and it turned to scamper back the way it came.

Without hesitating Kageyama dropped to his knees beside the dumpster, calling out to Niku. He figured she wouldn’t budge, and he’d have to stay in that alley with her until Hinata got home and could coax her out, but the second those fearful blue eyes met his he was bombarded by a ball of fluff. Her claws dug through his shirt and into his chest, but he didn’t care. She was safe.

“It’s okay, little kitty,” he whispered, standing up and clutching her to his chest as she shivered. “You’re safe now.”

Niku stayed latched to him as they made their way back to the apartment, and still wouldn’t let go as Kageyama shut the heavy window. He tried to get her to eat but she would just meow in protest until he picked her back up. Finally, he gave up and went to bed, letting her curl up and sleep on his chest, and, for the first time, Kageyama felt Niku purr.

Kageyama woke up late that night to the sound of Hinata’s keys in the door. He tried to creep silently into the bedroom, but froze when Kageyama flipped on the lamp.

“Hey, did I wake y-,” he froze, eyes going wide as he saw the ball of orange sleeping soundly on Kageyama’s chest. “Tobio! She likes you!”

“Shhh, don’t wake her. As soon as she sees you she’ll forget all about me again,” Kageyama smiled, gently petting Niku.

Hinata kicked off his shoes and changed his clothes before crawling into bed beside the pair. He laid his head on Kageyama’s shoulder, letting their fingers intertwine in the cat’s fur. “Looks like you guys had quite a weekend. What’d you get up to?”

“Let’s just say we had an adventure.”

“Boo, Tobio, no fair,” Hinata pouted.

“I saved her from a hungry dog that tried to swallow her whole.”

Hinata snorted. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say. If you don’t want to tell me your cat charming secrets it’s fine.”

Hinata snuggled closer and Kageyama switched the lamp off, letting himself fall back asleep. Before it came, in that space between waking and sleeping that both exists and doesn’t, he figured he was happy with his little family, and after years of waiting, he was glad that Niku was the first animal to accept him, just like Hinata was the first boy to love him. Finally, everything in his life felt perfect.

***

Niku was slightly inspired by my wild kitty Ian, who is constantly causing trouble but is just too cute to stay mad at. You can find more of my cat pics here, or follow me on instagram!