#are WoW elves Extremely Tall

[blujayonthewing]

hey it's been a really long time since I read LotR, are the elves actually taller than men or did everyone cumulatively gaslight each other into deciding that elves are extremely tall for no reason

[mantisgodsdomain]

Falling victim to madness in the Chilaios Discord part one (with a link to the post mentioned at the end). Part 2 linked here (note: slightly more nsfw text). Transcript below cut.

A Discord conversation between three discord users - us, nicknamed Speculative Vore Cookbook, Cup of Chilaios Soup, and Oh Kay! (wormlette).

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Experiencing the impulse to rewrite the changeling chapters for fun and profit. Do you think that considering that half-foots apparently see dwarves as Extremely Attractive Laios sparks some kind of Thing in Chilchuck as a dwarf

Cup of Chilaios soup: GRABS YOU PLEASE CONTINUE

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Listen considering Us there will be spec bio about this but. Listen. Since we've been doing the species as "uncanny-valley-type not quite Like You" for the most part with just a little bit of increased compatibility within "families". Do you think that it would be fun if he can suddenly see all of Laios's features in this new light of this particular species. Where all of the tallman features abruptly come into focus in a format far more recognizable and all of a sudden he can draw some Very Certain Lines to someone who is abruptly several times more recognizably attractive rather than, like, would be very attractive if it weren't for the subtle distortion of species.

Cup of Chilaios soup: my third eye has opened

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Do you think being a tallman himself would help with that? An abrupt distortion of the brain. Do you think he would be able to draw back those memories to abruptly have the uncanny-valley barrier splinter under the force of, y'know, he knows precisely what that translates to, and with the added perspective it seems much less alien, and much more "for the love of god he's not supposed to be getting crushes on the job"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We need to make elves Weirder for this also. They're like the only race on the chart right now that Doesn't have a close-relation group where things like attraction translate more easily we need to make them more fucked up Absently rotating the idea of dwarves having an excellent sense of smell compared to their other close relatives both for enhancing their appreciation for Good Food (a surprising amount of taste is tied up in your sense of smell) and for underground navigation & communication And Laios will absolutely be Weird About It

Cup of Chilaios soup: Laios: wow Chilchuck why do you smell so breedable (gets crushed by a rock)

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Walks up to Chilchuck and starts sniffing him unprompted so he can deliver a food-critic review of his scent Breedable waits for whenever we actually get ourself to do sex pollen heatfic and can also do cool spec bio stuff but like with reproductive cycles Still rotating the idea of making DM tallmen Weirder. We already know they're taller than IRL humans we need to add like some extra fuckshit in there We've got to do the speculative biology first you see. Make it more fucked up. We've already set it up so they're fairly closely related to orcs we might as well add some fantasy bullshit in there.

Cup of Chilaios soup: Tallmen have slower metabolisms maybe? And they need to at A Lot to support their mass? You are so correct eat A Lot*

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to initial message): wait hold on holy fuck man.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: So far what we have for them as their Thing They're Known for is like. Endurance. Tallmen Specifically are known to be able to walk for hours without growing too tired. Not quite as strong as orcs or ogres, of course, but they're tall enough that they practically eat up ground with every stride, and they just don't stop moving.

Cup of Chilaios soup: passing the braincell around like it's a joint KINGS OF TIRING THEIR PREY OUT

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Orcs and ogres are ofc known for their brutal strength, which is Significantly Less Pronounced in humans - but all that strength burns energy, and they'll tire out far faster. Humans just keep going, far beyond what they really should be capable of.

Cup of Chilaios soup: guys who will climb a fcking mountain and be like ":D wanna walk back to town on foot"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that the Big Thing People Know for elves would be their magic but we think that the magic thing is less about being naturally predisposed to it or whatever and more on the fact that enough of their society circles around it that pretty much any elf you meet's been deliberately raised to cultivate their magic, We think that their actual primary feature, like, physically, would be like. We're basing them on ungulates, right? Elves have long, willowy limbs, especially compared to their bodies. Look very graceful as adults who have had centuries of experience walking around and like wretched ganglebeasts at any point when they haven't gotten the hang of it yet. ABSURDLY fast in a sprint, because those long-ass legs are useful for Something, and that Something is being on runnable stilts. Not much stamina, though. (we are returning to this because we are fond of Marcille and we want her to be, like, Weird but in a way where they pass it off as Normal Elf Weird until the Changeling Thing happens and they have to cope with the fact that actually, elves are way weirder, and Marcille is weird in how close she is to other races as opposed to. Uhh. That Fucking Setup

Speculative Vore Cookbook (replying to Cup of Chilaios soup": "guys who will climb a fcking mountain"): Tallmen will climb a mountain carrying equipment on their back and need like a thirty minute breather tops before they're back up and at it like "okay now time to go down the other side" We think it's fun if it's a thing like the half-foot/dwarf/gnome cluster's enhanced senses, where the Absurd Stamina is part of what their other close relations have going for them, but whereas orcs and ogres have it to a Reasonable degree, Tallmen specialize really hard into doing this One Thing and get it in spades. Much like how half-foots spent all of their stat points in their ridiculously sensitive senses, to the detriment of things like strength and durability, tallmen have stupid amounts of stamina. Don't have to be as strong as your close relatives when you can simply outlast them!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to Speculative Vore Cookbook "returning to this because we are fond of Marcille): really like learning abt elf weirdness in the context of marcille, specifically as a half elf. really liked how that reveal was handled, since fionil is also a half-elf i didnt notice for a LONG time that she was perhaps different than other elves. i really like that!!! tall-men just have a lot of stamina. basically canon re: how much shit laios carries around. particularly in a good dog RIP they're like. alaskan mal specced. they just keep going and going forever

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that her, like, subtly softer features and such get Very Fun especially with the potential familiarity aspect vs what full elves have going on if we go full weird on elves because we fucking love how Absolutely Fucked ungulate anatomy is and it scratches a little itch in the back of our brain to let the Graceful Forest People overlap with, like. You Know The Specific Flavor Of Creepypasta Beast

Oh Kay! (wormlette): ^forever comparing everything to dog breeds

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We casually mention that Falin's wrist bones are shorter than elf wrist bones in Drain Your Well Dry and we really need to elaborate on that some day Marcille is like the shetland pony of elves in that she's got like WAY more just… bulk, compared to an elf that's normally like 98% gangle 2% meat And she's still, like, insanely boney compared to human standards. We like to think she has the build of a greyhound. Insanely long for no reason.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "casually mentioned Falin's wrist bones are shorter): I NOTICED!!! I LUV THAT… marcille studying ennervation and everything… it kills me… i always thought of her as so carefree looking in her little spellbook and walking around and now im haunted by like. how much of it was her studying human anatomy for what she feared was inevitable!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "like to think she has the build of a greyhound"): oh yeaaaag sighthound build would be GOOD for elves.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: But she still looks… More Similar To Other Races, y'know. You can see the similarities to her and other races and it makes it a tiny bit easier to slowly feel more at ease around her. Elves are weird and you don't see them often, but y'know, you've been around This One Elf long enough to start picking up on stuff, y'know? She's not that different from you, when it comes down to it, and sure she's a bit childish but that's probably normal for longer-lived races who're in the first halves of their lives, honestly. Aging slower and all. You can draw the lines if you pay enough attention, you've spent enough time socializing with other species that you can figure out the basic key, and though there are some things in there that really throw you off, as with any other race, it's not like you're handling an entirely new skull structure like with kobolds, right? It's readable, with enough time. Similar enough to tallmen that you can use your experience there and then fill in the gaps. And then you meet full-blooded elves when the Canaries come knocking and these guys are WAY more offputting than you thought actually. What the fuck is up with them? What the hell?

Cup of Chilaios soup: They have the reflective deer eyes from those horror edits

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Putting elves as a weird isolated branch in the humanoid evolution tree was a galaxy brain decision for us tbh. Their whole Weird Superiority Thing very much gets worse when they're the only people who don't have close relatives they can reference from. The other long-lived races seem to mingle FAR easier than them, and though we know it's The Attitude and such, it's fun to make them just… offputting.

Oh Kay! (wormlette): your miiiind

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "not like reading an entirely new skull structure like kobolds): btw dont you love the thingie about kobolds having a vocal chord structure that doesnt realy support them speaking common. so no matter how smart they are they seem "animalistic" to humans. i love that a lot it's like. hmm. i really like when it's not body horror by itself but put into a societal context, it BECOMES horrifying. u know? it would be fine. except the dehumanization it leads to

Speculative Vore Cookbook: YESSSS it slaps so hard. We think that there should be more bonus subtle differences with just random other races we think it's SO fun when biology fucks you over just as firmly as society.

Cup of Chilaios soup: SO TRUE KAY Rotating all these thoughts in my mind

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's not that something is wrong with you. It's that you weren't built for this world the same way that everyone else was.

Cup of Chilaios soup: The parallels,,,,, the themes,,,,, Biting my leg

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Anyways do you think that part of the reason Kabru is so Like That is because he went from normal human body language to a bunch of elves with the same general bauplan but next to no shared body language vocabulary, Do you think he had to like manually learn how elves express social emotions with a race so isolated that they're probably developing whole separate methods of socialization completely divorced from anything the short-lived races even do and then had to relearn how to act like a Human when he went back into the world.

Cup of Chilaios soup: OH MY GOD Also sorry but Idk how far some of the peeps reading the manga are, perhaps it would be nice to spoiler the Kabru thing:0 BUT I AGREE THIS IS SCRATCHING MY BRAIN KABRU MY BELOVED THIS HEADCANON IS SUCH GOOD BRAIN FOOD

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We love making fantasy races like just a little bit more fucked up

Cup of Chilaios soup: As you should!!!!!!!

Speculative Vore Cookbook: TBH it widens the gap between species if they're, like, similar enough that you think you Should be able to interpret the signals they're giving off because they look Just Similar Enough that they should emote and socialize and such like you, right? But the similarity is, as they say, mostly just skin-deep, because it does so much more to widen cultural differences when the cultures also work on different biology. Anyways we think half-foot communities should be really dense in population because they descended from an ancestor with the Meerkat Strategy of having a fuckton of people with very sharp senses all looking out for the same colony in such a way where there's always at least one person awake to raise the alarm and we think it's fun if half-foots are set up for a significantly more tactile & densely-populated community than most other species.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "part of the reason Kabru is so Like That): I DO. I DO THINK THAT. DO YOU THINK THAT tallman socialization feels so coarse and simple and easy-to-read by comparison.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's cool & fun if Chilchuck has to deliberately avoid almost all forms of touch to avoid being demeaned and seen as Lesser And Childish while also being wired to have like minimum five hours of skin contact with colony members per day tbh. Touch starve that man in ways that are difficult to understand for his party that he will actively have to muffle if he wants to be taken Seriously because most other races see it as Childish to cling

Speculative Vore Cookbook (quoting Oh Kay "I DO THINK THAT"): YES and we think it's very fun if him having to manually relearn tallman socialization also makes it so he finds it easier to interpret other races because he already has to like work out what Everyone's thinking from a pre-prepped body language dictionary and it's just so much easier to interpret when he doesn't have to re-invent the wheel every time

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "childish to cling": @_@ im so FUCKING normal

Speculative Vore Cookbook: :333 The changeling chapter constantly lives rent-free in our brain we think it's fun if like anyone who gets half-footed starts experiencing the intense skin hunger cravings like less than an hour in and have no idea what the Fuck it is because they've never lived in a body made to be that Social before and Chilchuck has to like take over to offer a bit of touch even if it's undignified since. Y'know. He knows how it feels. No reason to subject them to that, even if it's gonna cost a bit of dignity. It'll cost them more dignity if they start freaking out over it. It's efficient :333 Dealing with senses cranked up so high that you can tell when someone's moving around clear on the other side of the building probably makes it a whole lot harder to handle even More stimuli in a normal and dignified manner Something something we're grabbing a cool post we made

[prettyboy-basement]

Mmmm slime ໒꒰ྀི˶˃ᆺ˂˶ ꒱ྀིა

The way I woke up and immediately started writing this is insane anyway-

This might be long idk, HERE WE GO!!!!!

Imagine a classic RPG but you know… with fan service~~ NPC’s, mobs, bosses… they all have some kind of fan service-y air about them.

But non compare to you, the final boss.

The king Slime.

You’re large, gigantic, fucking humongous if I may say. You’re muscular, biggest pecks known to man slapped right onto that chest of yours, hugs hands with bulging veins and sharp nails, and the best part?

Completely nude.

Your horse cock dangles out wide in the open for all to see. And you’re proud of it. In slime culture in this game, the larger the assets, the more powerful.

You’re basically a class-a himbo, just a wee bit smarter than the average slime which is… well it’s not much.

And then you have our dear Isekai victim. Just some guy who got isekaied into this world. He had everything a porn addict like him could want, big titty elves all over him…

… But that’s not what her wanted, oh no.

He worked his way through the game, slaying bosses until he made it to you.

Compared to you - and he was a tall guy - he was the size of your pinky! Of course you could take him!.. in a fight I mean-

But he pulls out the secret weapon he had kept away…

A capturing spell!

It was the “special attack” given to him when he was isekaied, but one time use only. And unlike everyone else who played, he was extremely gay.

For you.

Using the “spell”, a disgustingly pink ribbon wrapped around your throat, and your worldview suddenly changed.

Since when was the man you were currently fighting so… hot..?

Shrinking your size down - you were still a solid ten ft tall, towering over the man - you stared him down, only to be tackled to the ground by him.

He flips you over and spreads your thick ass cheeks and basically rips his own pants off, already hard at the sight of your squirming beneath him.

He slams into you, seeing his cock through your back. He continuously rams into you, you moaning and groaning pathetically under him. The best (or worst) part? Was that you were still in your boss hall. Your subjects watching as their king gets defiled.

You being one of few slimes who actually talk had a mouth, and your long snake-like tongue - which the man had imagined going down his throat - lolling out your mouth, slimy tears pouring out your eyes.

Soon, your ass was filled with the man’s cum, white filling your gut and gluteus due to just how much he came. Then you felt movement, and he began to eat you out. You could see his tongue going in and out, swiping through your thick insides. He sucked, gulped, and kissed your pucker, which winked at him every time he pulled away. You whined every time he pulled back to look at your pathetic state, wiggling your ass and begging him to continue.

He then flipped you over onto your back and began to rub your cock, telling you to come. He spat on it, wrapping his hands as best he could around you, jerking up and down.

He leaned over and took one hand off your cock, and began fondling your large chest. Pulling and rubbing your nipple. He kissed you, shoving his tongue into your mouth, forcing you to taste him and yourself.

Finally, you came, the slimy substance coating his midsection and your own, the stream making its way to both your chests. He pulled away to stare at your fucked out face, eyes rolled to the back of your head and tongue poking out, drool sliding down your chin.

He slid a cum coated finger under the collar and smirked.

“You’re all mine… finally..~”

And that was the last thing you heard before you passed out.

Lmao you can tell I rushed the fuck out of that beginning. And can you also tell I don’t write smut/sex scenes? Anyway, hope you like it! I got this stuck in my head after I got bored in math. Fucking hate math. ૮꒰˶  - ˕ -꒱ა

Have a great day/night! And welcome to the slime reader club~~ <3

- ໒꒰ྀི ˶• ༝ •˶ ꒱ྀི১₊˚⊹♡

…….wow.

you’re pretty good at that! oho ohhh reader! you really got yourself into a…. sticky situation, hehe

[cuppimagines]

A Jolly Odd Christmas, 004- The Ram

Merry Christmas! This wasn't the chapter I wanted to premiere on December 25th, but I still hope you guys are ready for this series to come to an end a few days from now! This chapter is less nsfw than the last one, but there will be something to make up for that in the final chapter! Hope you had a very great Christmas, and I hope you enjoy!

<- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ->

“Mr. Claus!!! Mr. Claus!!!” Clack was waving his hands around, with you on top of his shoulders to get his attention. Not hard, not only were both him and Ruffle important guard figures, but they easily towered over all the other elves. You seemed a bit embarrassed, meeting the actual Santa that you figured was just fake all this time, and you weren’t sure what to do once he started approaching, gently nudging the crowd out the way.

For his age, Mr. Claus was extremely handsome. The way his beard perfectly framed his face, the very sleek well dressed way he presented himself. He both seemed extremely approachable yet extremely high class. 

“What are two guards doing out here, having a little break yeah?” Mr. Claus asked. 

“Hello sir! Sorta kinda,” Ruffle answered. “We’re so glad we ran into you. I dunno if the folks back at the factory gave you the news, but we have a bit of an issue that only you could help with.” He pointed up to you, who at this moment, was an elf with that hat on. 

“Is it okay if we talk somewhere private?” Clack asked. Mr. Claus looked at the crowd, and then back to the two guards with a nod.

“I’ll clear them out for you, sir,” Ruffle gave him a salute, before going back to work bot mode, face seeming a bit more stern as he gently ushered the elves away from Mr. Claus. 

“Everyone clear the way, give him some space,” he demanded of the crowd, and to that, they dispersed away from you all. Clack put you down, right in front of Mr. Claus. Oh wow…even at your current height, you could tell, this was a tall, tall man. You backed up a little, just so you could look him in the eye and you were actually…maybe just a little bit intimidating seeing him in the flesh.

“Oh you seem scared, don’t be buddy, I won’t bite,” Mr. Claus chuckled, leaning down to get a better look at you. “Now who is this one, boys?”

“Well sir, this is the uh…” Clack leaned in close to Mr. Claus to whisper in his ear. “This is the human that came here…we dunno how they did, but you’re the only person with the power to take them back…so we were going to your home to request that.” Mr. Claus raised an eyebrow, looking down at you incredulously.

“Doesn’t look too much like a human, too short, ears too pointy…”

“It’s the hat, it keeps them an elf,” Ruffle said, patting the top of your head. “Trust us, we came directly from the main office, and Mr. Cedar wouldn’t bother you with matters up there unless they were serious.”

“Please, it’s a pretty decent ways away from Christmas, people are probably worried sick about me,” you pleaded. “I wanna go home, I don’t want the people I love to be worried about me around the holidays.” Mr. Claus sighed, a soft smile appearing on his face, and he knelt down to get closer to your height. 

“Alrighty then, I have just what you need, we can’t have that after all,” he smiled. “I was just having a leisurely walk out there, so I can’t exactly get you back home quick, least not with a little bit of…” he snapped his fingers, and a lovely swirl of red and white appeared starting at his feet, before blowing slowly up his body and poofing away.

“Magical assistance.” He could see the sparkle in your eyes at that rather minor show of magic, and that made the old man’s grin even wider and sweeter. 

“You boys did a great job, I’ll take it from here, you go back to the factory, things are busy back there after all.”

“Yes sir!!” Clack and Ruffle both said in unison. “Buh bye! Good luck going back home!” Clack gave your head a pay, followed by Ruffle, and you couldn’t help but smile and blush. They were good fellas, pleasant if a little bit quirky. They both waved goodbye at you as they went back in the sled, and with that, you saw them vanish off into the city streets. While you waved a final goodbye once they vanished, you felt Mr. Claus’s large, warm arm wrap around your shoulders. You nearly jumped out of your skin, flinching in surprise, which only got a chuckle out of him.

“I hope you’ve been treated well so far,” he said. “I know these are less than ideal circumstances, but I’m nothing if not helpful.” Mr. Claus gently patted the small of your back to guide you down the block. 

“Tell me, how did you end up here in the first place?”

“Me?” you looked up at him. “From what Mr. Cedar told me, someone's wishlist, well actually, my boyfriend’s wishlist, sent me here. Since they can’t exactly clone a person, I guess some sorta glitchy Christmas magic brought me here. I dunno, but long story short, I dunno why my ex would even want me back, and I wanna go home.”

“This ex…why did he break up with you?”

“It’s…weird to be honest. He just said he didn’t feel very dominant in the relationship and wanted that feeling, and so he moved on to another person a month after we broke up. I’m not exactly broken up about it anymore, but I didn’t realize he was. It’s been a while…”

“Quite the reason, but I would be broken up too if I left someone as cute as you were.” You were in a bit of disbelief of what you just heard. Being called cute by Mr. Claus of all people…

“You think I’m…” you were so focused on talking your feelings out that you didn’t realize where you were. The lights of the city were a bit further away, and the two of you seemed to be walking through a park path, following stones that got smaller and more scattered, further away from many folks. 

“Is this really the path back? You told me you were going to uh…” you waved your fingers. “Magic us back to your place.”

“Oh I am…I most certainly am…” Mr. Claus chuckled. A less warm chuckle than before. Something more sinister. You felt something off about that…your eyebrow furrowed and you backed up away from Mr. Claus. 

“Um…sir…” you muttered. “Let’s take a path through the main city instead…I’d feel more comfortable like that…”

“No no no, This is the quickest way back,” Mr. Claus grabbed your hat, taking it off your head. At that, you poofed back to your normal size, and you saw the grin on Mr. Claus’s face widened even more with glee.

“Oh perfect…quite perfect…” he purred. Something definitely felt off now, and you immediately took off into a sprint. Before you could even go very far, you were tripped, falling flat on your face in the snow, and being dragged back by some twisted gnarled black vine. 

“I worked too bloody hard to bring you here just to run away again!” Mr. Claus’s voice sounded…much, much different. A more gravelly, deep cockney accent. “Since those idiots couldn’t get you back to me, I have no choice but to take you myself!” While trying to claw your way out of the grip of the vine, you saw a rock drag past you. Quickly, you grabbed it before it got too far away from your grasp, and with that, chucked the rock dead center at “Mr. Claus's” nose. You glanced up at him, and along with some blood, it was like a layer of makeup was peeled off, revealing ash gray skin underneath.

“Oh honey…” with a firm YANK, you were forced right up to this man, and lifted up by your shirt collar. “Naughty naughty naughty, throwing that stone at me! Think that’s about 3, maybe 4 whacks when we get back home!” As you struggled to get out of his grip, you saw the disguise that was Mr. Claus slowly fade away. He grew a foot in height, his skin completely turning gray, and long, goat-like horns sprouting from his head. The very sleek suit faded, instead there was an unkempt tank top, sweats, a gnarled looking straw basket, and a black fur coat that looked fancier than anything he was wearing. He was also incredibly hairy, with coarse black body hair all on his arms and poking out from his massive, burly chest. The large belly faded, and muscle only grew larger and more defined, leaving the physique of a bodybuilder, and the frightening yellow-eyed gaze of a demon. You glared at him in pure terror, and the more you saw of him the more you tried to struggle away, but he had a tough grip on you. 

“K…Krampus…?” you meekly whispered

“Oh, so you do recognize me~!” the large man purred. “I thought that old man had scrubbed everything about me from the public eye, but I guess not. You’re coming with me!” Hearing that, you tried your best to kick and thrash out of his powerful grip, and you even managed to land a firm kick right at the center of his chest, but that barely even made him flinch. All that got out of him was an amused chuckle. 

“No use trying to get free, I may be rusty, but I’ve been doing this sorta shit since the black plague was still a hot topic,” Krampus, like you weighed nothing, tossed you over his shoulder, and with an impressive precision, you landed in the basket. You thought you had a chance to crawl out, but the basket snapped shut, and try as you might, banging on what seemed to just be plain delicate straw did absolutely nothing. 

“No…no no no!!!” You cried out, continuing to bang and thrash to get out the basket. Great, this is the third time you were forced into a container, and this really might be your last time. You were so close…this was your chance to go back home, but now you weren’t sure if you’d ever be heard from again…! It seemed to be a weird hammerspace, you couldn’t hear anything or feel any movement, so you weren’t sure where you were going, so after several long, frustrating minutes of beating and thrashing at the basket, all you could do was eventually just…slump into the basket. And you could feel tears welling up in your eyes, struggling did nothing, pleading to be let go did nothing, so all you could really do now was just…cry. 

You weren’t sure how long it was, but as you burst into tears, suddenly the basket opened up, and you were yanked by your collar out of the basket. Krampus had pulled you out, an excited and happy grin on his face, but his expression immediately dropped when he saw you sobbing and hiccuping. You didn’t expect this but…he seemed nervous seeing you cry.

“Ah shit…I didn’t think this far…” he let go of you, and once he did, you grabbed him by the horns, drawing a fist back to punch him RIGHT in the nose, where you saw you scarred him. It didn’t seem to hurt him, but it caught him off guard, and he covered his face in shock.

“Let me go!! Let me out of this fuckin place right now!!” you yelled at him, pulling yourself out the straw basket. Krampus heard that, and the sympathy was replaced with rage as he went and grabbed you, tackling you to the ground with ease given his size.

“Absolutely fuckin not!! It took a lotta work to get you here!!” he roared. “If I let you go I can’t ever fuckin do this again!!” 

“I don’t wanna die here! I have people who love me, I don’t wanna be eaten!!” you yelled, thrashing and trying to grab onto anything you could to pull yourself out from under him. Krampus grabbed your wrists, pinning them to your side and looking down at you. He seemed exhausted, miffed, and you could feel him become damp with sweat. 

“I’m not gonna fucking eat you!! I ain’t killing ya!” he grunted. “I gave the specific request that you were sent to me alive and unharmed!!” You stopped struggling, and paused. You were baffled, looking back up at him with an expression of pure befuddlement. 

“Wha- well, why am I here?” you asked. “And can you get off of me?”

“Will you run or try to hit me if I do?”

“No, I will not, I promise.” Krampus looked a bit doubtful, but nonetheless, slowly let off of you. Looking around, you took the brief time to examine the room you were in. It was a smoking room…sort of. It looked…nicer than you had thought it would. Albeit, the couch nearby was covered with claw marks, and the coffee table had a few too many empty bottles of booze strewn about, but it was still a lot nicer than expected. 

“Now then…” you took a deep breath. “Tell me why you brought me here. Actually…tell me how you brought me here too!”

“That’s a lotta shit that’s gonna take a while for ya to hear, but if you want the short version-”

“I don’t.”

“-Is that…I miss humans, frankly, problem is to even interact with another human means I gotta agree with that stuffy old fuck’s new rules, and I refuse to just give out fuckin coal for the rest of my miserable existance.”

“Don’t you eat people?” you stood up, moving to sit on the couch. “Those two guys that almost kidnapped me were talking about seeing how I taste or some shit like that.”

“Yeah yeah, but I paid em so they WOULDN’T, those boys aunty would have you boiling in the cauldron before you even screamed, she’s quite the lady,” Krampus went to check one of the bottles on the coffee table, to see if any bottle had at least some liquid in it. 

“Alright then, you miss humans, big whoop, why am I here then?” you scooted away from Krampus once he sat down on the couch.

“I’m lonely, yes I am the boss of an entire gang of yuletide freaks like myself, but…” he took a sip of rum. “I wanted someone who wasn’t used to this life. Someone new who was impressed with the magic of this realm, cause frankly it has gotten boring around here in the past couple hundred years, and I miss a lotta the weirdness of Earth. I miss how cute humans were, cause I don’t just EAT people.” Krampus put the bottle down, leaning back on the couch and reaching his arm across it. 

“I remember all those fancy lil parades, being able to blend in amongst the folks in costumes who would scare people for fun, give me booze and meat, and hell, I remember a dame or two coming up to me all starry eyed and bubbly asking me for a night behind her father’s shed. Heh…the sex was always good…” He looked down at you, a coy grin on his face, and you just scowled and looked the other way.

“So what, I’m here just to help you remember the good ole days?” you asked. “I’m not some stray cat you found on the side of the road starving and sick. Did you really expect me to just be okay with abandoning everything I have back on earth just to what? Be your arm candy? No!” You were raising your voice, probably a mistake, but you didn’t care at this point. You were mad! This was all this guy’s fault after all!

“Oh c'mon baby, I’m not as big as ole Saint Nick over there, but I can show you a pretty decent life of luxury! We got some good stuff ‘round here after all! Way more exciting than that stuffy ole capital city!”

“I said NO!” you stood up, turning your back to Krampus. “I don’t wanna date you I don’t wanna be here I don’t wanna even look at you!” Krampus rubbed his temples, but let out a deep breath.

“Okay…I’ll play nice, I’ll play nice I promise,” he said. “The night’s still young…I still have a chance at this…” Krampus began to pace the room, and you just sighed and rolled your eyes. 

“Your patience is pretty short for a guy whose time I shouldn’t even bother to entertain,” you snapped. “This is ridiculous, just take me back-”

“You are NOT going back,” Krampus growled, approaching you with a snarl on his face. “If you do, that old fuck will find out and take you back! And then I’ll be in deeper shit than I have been the past…I don’t fucking know how long!” You looked curious at that. You sensed from what Jack said prior, something was up. And you were almost curious. Maybe if you got to the bottom of this, there was a slim, slim chance Krampus would let you go and you could head home. 

“Could you explain this so-called…deeper shit?” you asked. Krampus’s expression softened, and he let out an exhausted sigh. 

“Oh god…where do I even start? This’ll be a long story, so how about I ask for some refreshments while you’re here?” You just nodded with a shrug, and Krampus went to grab an old rotary phone nearby. He dialed a number, sitting there tapping his foot and waiting for a response. 

“Hey…my uh, my ‘guest’ is here, could you get me some things? Guess the usual is good for now, don’t keep me waiting, all that fuckin magic starved me, I’m practically skin and bones over here! Alrighty…see ya.” He hung up, turning to you with his clawed hands clasped together.

“While we wait, I can give a lil preamble,” he said. “I haven’t had a new face to complain about this in so long, maybe it’ll help let out a few more…frustrations.” Krampus sat back down on the sofa, and you reluctantly joined him. Alright, now that you were hearing him out, he seemed a bit softer. That was good…

“At the end of the day, we’re all just spirits of the winter and cold, what you humans might call fae even,” he started. “Play some of our little games, and if you don’t comply or fuck up, we take something of yours, but if you succeed, we give you something in return. In this case, or in the cases you’ve probably heard of, good behavior around the winter time rewards you with little gifts. Nothing big or fancy like the kids these days are getting. Usually it was dried fruit, a doll, some cream, maybe a scarf or two if they were good enough. Kiddies were happier with that stuff back then than now. I know for a fact if you were a kid and got a scarf, you’d be a grumpy little sunovabitch for the rest of that year.”

“I mean uh, not rea-”

“Don’t try to lie to me to look humble, baby, kids can be spoiled. Anyhow…” Krampus pulled out a cigar, grabbing a lighter from the messy coffee table to light it. 

“Lotta us made a name for ourselves. Ever heard of the Yule Lads? The Yule Cat? Hans Trapp?”

“Can’t really…say I have…”

“I mean, yeah that’s fair, you wouldn’t know our names unless you’re from the places we were a lot more popular in. And even then, in those places for most, we’re simply a fairytale, nothing like the Titans we once were. Back then we could freely hop between this realm and earth whenever we pleased…but to be honest, we greatly preferred coming around when the weather was cold in parts of the world. And ole Saint Nick wasn’t the boss he was today, he was just like us…just as much as a tricky, prank pullin’ sheep stealing motherfucker like the rest of us, if a li nicer…” There was a knock at the door, and Krampus waved his free hand over at it.

“Eh…come on in!” he called out. Coming in was an elf, just like many of the other elves you’ve seen in the city prior. This one just wasn’t dressed in the bright colorful reds, greens, and whites of the others, and he certainly didn’t look like one of those two weird dwarves who took you. He was wheeling in a tray of food…mostly two big plates of very rare steak, and a bottle of whiskey, as well as a glass of water.

“Here ya are boss,” the elf said, making room on the coffee table to place it all there. You looked down at the meal, nervous to even eat it while the elf left with the cart and empty booze bottles.

“Uh…what type of meat is this…?” you asked.

“Elk, what do you think, I go around eating just whatever type of meat?” Krampus stabbed through the entire steak and started tearing at it like a hyena tearing apart meat. 

“You do eat kid-”

“DID eat kids. Haven’t had one in a couple hundred years. And to be frank after that long without one I dunno if I’ll even go back. Too much hassle, which is how all this shirt started to begin with.”

“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to ask,” you took a sip of water. “What changed all this? What was the ultimate falling out?”

“Well…to be honest…” Krampus swallowed the entire steak in a few bites, and that made you cringe a little bit. “He’s always kept it vague these years. But…” Krampus leaned back, sighing a bit.

“Something makes me think he lost something. Dunno what, but I remember seeing him one December, poor fella was grieving nonstop for some reason, and he never, ever told me why. To be honest, that kinda fuckin hurt…we’ve bee friends for god knows how long, and now all of a sudden he’s keeping secrets from me, and next thing I know, folks can’t ever return to earth except for ONE day of the ENTIRE year and only to give presents to a buncha spoiled saps who throw tantrums if they don’t get a third game console.” You didn’t want to…you really didn’t want to feel pity for this man, but he was being honest with you. He was being rather vulnerable around someone he, for the most part, just met in person. Seems this has been on his mind for a long…long time.

“Man, I’m sorry, dunno what to say to that..” you mumbled. “But I’m sure he has a good reason. Other than uh…eating people is bad, but still.”

“I don’t need advice, you’re not some therapist or some shit,” he said. “But I hate that jolly red and white bastard, even though I don’t want to…but he overstepped things. He grew more and more powerful, and he became more and more popular than all of us, and he took advantage of that shit, and everyone who didn’t agree to his fuckin rule has just been on the fringe growing bitter and shit.” You sat there in silence, listening to him vent. You tried not to let any sympathy bubble up inside you, but now it was starting to get harder.

“When’s the last time you uh…talked to him? Face to face?”

“Pfft! Like I’m gonna do that!” he raised his arms in the air. “He’s the asshole who did a complete 180 without telling anybody!! He should come to ME to apologize! I want that big bellied bastard to grovel at my goddamn feet! And then…!” He stood up from the couch, chest puffed out. “Ohhhh and then I’d only forgive that fucking idiot if he let me give him several fuckin lashings across that way too big ass of his!” His back was turned to you, and seeing what you saw at your height, that last comment forced you to cover up a chuckle.

“Something, something stones at glass houses…” you muttered. 

“What was that?” he turned around. 

“Nothing-! I mean uh…well…don’t you guys live a long time? Isn’t just avoiding talking about the issue going to make things worse?”

“He should do it first so I don’t hafta,” Krampus took a big, big swig straight from the bottle of whiskey. “Stupid bastard getting famous just because he gives a buncha snot nose brats lil toys…lotta them would be better off as meat pies and winter stew…” You felt like you were talking in circles with this guy. You wanted to talk him up a bit more, but you weren’t here to give him advice, you were here to soften the deal so that maybe, just maybe he could let his guard down and you could find some time to get out of here…you noticed how much he was drinking, he might have a pretty high alcohol tolerance, but he seemed like he loved his booze…so…

“Hey big guy, you seem tense,” you pat his bicep. Not overly friendly, but to make it seem like you were more casual. Oh wow, he actually had some pretty hard arms. “Could we get a few more drinks? I know when I have a rough day at work, a nice sip or two from the weird stuff in my cabinet helps.”

“Cheers to that,” Krampus took the bottle from his lips, with it being about half empty already. “I might get a few more bottles, I’ve been working hard all day to get you back here, I’ve earned it!” He went back over to the phone, dialing that same elf.

“Bring me up a buncha bottles of booze! Don’t matter what kind, I’m taking care of myself for the night to make up for those bozos fucking things up!”

—

“And- and I’ll tell ya what- I fuckin- I think Gryla, that bitch, she’s- she’s a shit cook!” Krampus had his head in your lap, and all you could do was sit there, waiting for your moment while you forced yourself to listen to this guy’s rants. Oh when would this end…

“Bitch doesn’t season things, it’s all meat and water…!” he slurred. “And she has the gall to say I- that I’m a shit guest! Be a better fuckin chef then! 13 nephews- or 12 I think…and none…and none of them say shit to her…” You listened to him slowly drift off. He looked out of it, and you watched Krampus’s eyelids flutter close. 

“Well maybe they like her…uh…” you heard some REAL deep snoring. That fast huh. Even though you watched him down several bottles, it was only now that Krampus was hammered enough to fall asleep. Oh thank goodness, finally! You very, very, agonizingly slowly pushed his head out of your lap, letting it gently and slowly fall down on the couch. Yes! Freed! Just to be extra sure, you grabbed Krampus’s fur coat, and once you put it on, it was so big that it covered most of your features. Oh god, it had a bit of a musky odor to it. This thing might’ve needed a cleaning to get this man’s scent out…

Every step you took was a very careful, delicate path to getting out of here. You weren’t sure just how light or heavy a sleeper Krampus was, but messing around with that would mean you didn’t have time to leave. And this was your only way out. The door squeaky as all hell when you opened it, so you only opened it enough to squeeze your body through, and you didn’t bother to close it before silently walking down the hall. 

The looks of the hallways, it seemed like the den of some seedy 1920s mobsters. Everything was sleek, dark, and even the occasional scratch on the walls or floor seemed pretty fitting for this place. Looks like this guy lived in a manor, but it was seemingly smaller than Jack’s. And looking down the staircase, you saw the door right down there. This was easier than you thought. You had thought you’d see a servant or two walking by cleaning up, but so far nothing! 

You had a hunch, that this might’ve been way too easy, but you didn’t want to stay here a second longer, and this time you wanted to find a way out of this place. You were certain people were looking for you anyway. You had gotten down the staircase, trying to make as little noise as possible while going down the creaky staircase. It was so close, the exit was getting so, so close…!

You  had your hand on the door handle, prying it open, ready to sprint out of there, but then…

“You thought it’d be that easy, huh?”

Oh no…oh wait, he was awake?! You didn’t wanna turn around, you just grabbed the handle and tried to run out of there, but just as you were outside in the cold, snowy night air, you bumped into Krampus, who had materialized right in front of you as you were trying to leave. He yanked his coat off you, putting it back on, and glaring down at you, angry despite the wide grin on his face. 

“I was patient with you for long enough…!” he snarled. “I thought I was giving you a deal…! A nice comfy place to live, I could satisfy you as much as you want, and I ain’t that bad looking. But no…you’re being ungrateful, and I don’t wanna have to appease you! So if you’re not gonna accept my offer!” He grabbed you, picking you up off the ground. This time, you barely even struggled, as you were outright terrified as Krampus lost his patience. 

“I’ll take you to the boys and make you into a perfect little meat pie…!” Krampus was ready to pull you back inside, but both of you noticed the bright lights of someone riding up to the mansion. The gates opened, but it seemed more like they were forced opened from the way they SLAMMED. You saw a sled, pulled by several reindeer, and a man walked out of it. Krampus forced you to hide behind him, looking rather nervous as you saw Saint Nicholas…the REAL one hopefully, walk down the path of the mansion, with a stern, cold expression on his face. He looked to you behind Krampus, then he looked to Krampus, who had a much more nervous, sheepish grin on his face.

“Come with me,” he said. “Both of you. We need to have a talk.”

[wowlorecraft]

World of Warcraft: Turtle Islands

{ This is pure headcanon fiction }

World of Warcraft announces its next saga: The Seas of Azeroth. WoW: South Seas, WoW: Western Isles, and WoW: Turtle Islands

As the Exodar enters low Azerothi orbit and as distant seafaring travel sees increasingly heavy traffic, the remaining landmasses of the planet come into light, including Khaz Algar and Avaloren

These wandering isles atop massive turtles' shells provide refuse and safe haven for myriad species. Some turtles are teeming with life, and some have only a single, ruling species

Here, on these islands, we find the relatives of the Hozen who look remarkably like humans. Vanaras, as they call themselves, stand upright and are about as tall as the average Stormodan human but with simian features including fur and a tail.

They live extremely spiritual lives alongside the Gaja, a short race of Elekk-like beings, similar to the Tuskarr. The Gaja make pilgrimages lead by the Mahagaja to pay homage to the Dikkarin, the celestial elekks that hold up the astral plane

As there are numerous wandering isles, elves also made their way to an island ages ago that had Harpies. Yet, unlike on the other continents, the worship of Aviana was strong and pure, leading the Harpies to nonviolence and cultural practices. The blending of Night Elven and Harpy culture lead to harpies taking on more humanoid features such as hands and feet, and the night elves gained wings. The avian culture of this island resembles the Galapagos and the diversity of bodyshapes amongst the sparrows.

Trolls, too, have ended upon on a couple of islands, but these island trolls are quite different from the trolls that we know. Due to the island effect, they have shrunk consistently and, like the elves, ended up mutating to fit into numerous niches. In short: ..well, short trolls!

Interestingly, a group of Sand Gnomes has even got to an island and is growing larger and larger with each generation. At present, they are about the average size of a Dwarf now

There are so many islands meaning so many opportunities:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (aka children of Tortolla who spec into being Subtlety Rogues and worship their island turtle)

A cousin of the Vulpera (Kitsunai) whose parent Ancient Guardian lives on the island and with another branch of Night Elves

An island where the K'thir were welcomed and accepted with open arms because they look like Octopus-like Pasifika-inspired people, but this mistake cost them dearly, and we can help!

A branch of sea-faring Viking-like Vrykul called Sjagul

Goblins

(plus the above in readable format:)

Giant Sand Gnomes

Smol multi-flavoured Trolls

Tol Nelf-like Vulpera

Winged Night Elves

Friendlier and more sane Harpies

Vanaras, the Hozen relatives

Gaja, the Tuskarr of Elekks

[cordeliaflyte]

Trying to remember my dream okay. So it started out with these dreadful situations of people dying from extreme heat and dehydration in deserts. The last of them was a group of men in the desert. They were recommended to take this one particular route which wouldn't have wells in it (??) but a woman said they should continue onto it and she would return with water. She did not do that. So now the men, already extremely dehydrated, realised they were royally fucked. And for some reason they couldn't circle back? And they were being scorched by the sun and the sand was hot enough to burn them. They decided their only recourse was to dig a well. This was difficult because they were all suffering from heat stroke and the sand was so hot that it scorched them when they tried to dig with their hands (and they had no equipment). Luckily, with them was a member of a non-human race (kind of discount elves) who was invulnerable to hear or dehydration, and he spent the whole day digging a well for them with his bare hands, saving their lives.

So now we go to this character - this elf guy right. Sometimes he was an elf girl you know how it is. He was also me but also he wasn't. So the land of the elves was extremely technologically advanced, fascistic, endogamous, and had extremely strict codes of social conduct related to marriage, the relations between the sexes, everyday life, and so forth. Its inhabitants rarely left their land, and the entry of any human, except in extremely rare circumstances (like the odd ambassador or whatnot) was immediately punishable by death due to fear of miscegenation. Because these elves who weren't exactly elves like they had no pointy ears and lived in cities but were long-lived and like. Quicker stronger had better senses than humans and were tall and svelte and whatnot were obsessed with blood lines and their society was highly stratified based on these blood lines. Everyone could trace their lineage back by millennia. And the idea of an elf producing offspring with a human was unthinkable due to their ideas of racial degeneration.

So anyway, even though this is extremely rare - unprecedented, in fact - this one guy leaves his land. What is known is that he is part of one of the most important and influential families in his land. There are some rumours that he is a bastard, though - the son of a woman who belonged to this family, but was unlawfully deflowered, and managed to keep this a secret until now, which is why he left. Nobody knows if this is true. He has a secret. He owns an amulet passed down in his family which essentially vastly increases his prowess in most things: strength, endurance, mental performance, etc. This is a secret. So everyone around him in this new land thinks wow this is just what all elves are like. I guess they ARE our superiors. We need to get on that sweet sweet technology we have so we NEED to start diplomatic relations. Even if it just means getting colonised. Just please no genocide please.

Sometimes the guy is a woman and sometimes in these scenarios her brother comes over with her. Sometimes not. Anyway there are a lot of interesting cultural things with how they interact with humans. They're very unused to this culture and are researching it extensively (both through academic research and through experience) and the humans want to show themselves in the best possible light to this ambassador (or is he an ambassador? He could be an imposter! Who knows) but like with the way he was raised he thinks the 7 wonders of their world are puny compared to a lower-class neighborhood in his country. It's clear he approaches them with disgust which he tries to hide, and does well - he does not voice his elf supremacist remarks, racial or cultural or whatever - but it still shines through in his interactions which is off-putting. He is also very cold and unemotional to most.

To sum up, potential reasons for their leaving:

They really were sent forth as an ambassador as they claim

They were forced into exile once it was revealed they were illegitimate

They fled when they found out they were illegitimate to avoid persecution

(usually when female) fled because they didn't want to go through with an arranged marriage

(regardless of sex) they were somehow brutalized by a family member (which could be because their illegitimacy was found out, they wouldn't go through with a marriage, they committed some kind of social taboo, or they just had a fucked up rich family innit) and fled

Some other combination of the above

Though he does form what amounts to a friendship with a female psychiatrist. ALSO Frederick Chilton from Hannibal the TV show Hannibal is also there. Just hanging out

ALSO just remembered Tam Lin like the border ballad Tam Lin was also somehow involved and quite an important plot point but I don't know how. I forgor [sic]

Also as I was in that state in between waking and sleeping I was like this guy is the pinnacle of discipline I now need to emulate him for the rest of my life. What Would The Main Character Of This Dream Do. And I was sleeping on my side and thought the paragon of virtue would never do that, as sleeping on your side is a sign of moral decay and degeneracy. So I switched my position to sleep on my back, arms crossed on my chest, like a vampire

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 3

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Saelhen and Looseleaf, having acquired a band of allies to keep them safe on their entirely bogus quest to fulfill "Lady Noeru's" succession rite on behalf of the college, set out on Suika Highway towards the jungles of Thunderbrush. On the road, they face two extremely deadly combat encounters.

After checking in on the writhing hellpit they opened in Yoshimimoto Plaza (it's under control, they threw some nets over it), the party heads out onto the highway. Customs by the overland roads couldn't give less of a damn what they're bringing out of the city, so there's no scrutiny and they're well on their way.

A good thirty miles or so into the grassland, and the party has to make a perception check. Looseleaf is the one to nail it- her antennae pick up on a suspicious rustling in the tall grass by the side of the road. And even those with slightly worse rolls notice...

There's a green dragon circling lazily in the sky above them. This is bad, because dragons are... well, chromatic dragons like this green one are malevolent and extremely deadly giant monsters, is the main reason, but the other reason is that dragons are... cursed, is what the common understanding is.

To speak with a dragon is to be condemned to some sort of great misfortune, brought about by your own hand. You know the Simurgh from Worm? Listen to its song for too long, and you become sort of a sleeper agent of self-destructive carnage? It's like a diet version of that. Whatever path your conversation with the dragon puts you on, it's invariably bad for you, somehow. The metallic dragons, who're ostensibly "good", will still ruin your life in some way just by talking to you, even if your immolation does some good for the world on the way out. Nobody wants to talk to a dragon.

Luckily, they don't have to- this one seems content to circle way up in the sky, not saying a word to them. Instead, they just get attacked by a direwolf and several horrible monsters.

The whole party botches their Arcana rolls to determine what the heck these things are.

Benedict I. (GM): None of you have any idea what these things are. They're small, roughly humanoid, and... they look sort of like they're made of mud and tangled grass. They're wielding knives, some multiple knives to a hand, and they look vaguely ethereal, not quite real- possibly animated by something. The dire wolf is, of course, charging you- and the other monsters are following suit. They screech and hiss with obvious hostile intent. Roll initiative!

The party dismounts from their giraffes, since they're not trained for combat and the party isn't trained in mounted combat.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ruffians," she mutters, with the approximate tone a non-elf might use to say "fuckers."

The party's two new melee combatants take up position in the front, while Vayen... stands behind the giraffes, doing nothing. The direwolf lunges, closes in, and... misses entirely, as Oyobi dodges gracefully out of the way. Razzafrazzin' elves...

Then it's Orluthe's turn, and he...

Benedict I. (GM): Orluthe looks around nervously- not at the wolves, but at the party. "Don't... tell anyone about this," he says, and pulls something from his pack. It's a warball helmet. Custom-forged. Looseleaf: Uh. Okay? Is what Looseleaf thinks, in response to this. Benedict I. (GM): I... don't think either of you two would have the context to know what this means, but Oyobi's jaw is on the floor. Looseleaf:Didn't realize that playing warball was apparently something to be ashamed of! Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Your weird secret is safe with me," whispers Saelhen, in the bushes. Benedict I. (GM): Orluthe dons the helmet, and as he does so, he seems to grow larger. There's a shift in his stance, and you hear a growl from beneath the helmet. He howls- and Zero, you're in control of his combat actions here. So what's he do?

Hm.

Orluthe(?) goes ahead and attacks with his halberd, and- being a paladin- opts to SMITE. He impales the thing and burns its wound with divine magic for more than half its health- and then Oyobi's turn comes up and she slices the thing open with her longsword. The party's choice of allies specialized in melee fight seems to be paying off!

Of course, now the other monsters get to take their turn, being unfortunately still alive. One charges at Orluthe and whiffs, but the other... uses some sort of crude slingshot, and hurls some sort of crackling ball of energy at Looseleaf.

Benedict I. (GM): Being hit by this thing suddenly makes you seize up. You remember... Looseleaf, tell me about a time you wanted some physical object very very badly, but didn't get it. Something it hurt you to not have. Looseleaf: Once, when Looseleaf was young, there was a traveling caravan that brought into town a collection of what looked like books for sale. Looseleaf being herself, she of course wanted to buy some of them- but nobody in town would let her go near the vendor! Something about 'inappropriate for young childrens' eyes' and 'mature content warnings'. To this day she's still more than a bit resentful of that, and also she has no idea that the traveling caravan vendor was actually selling basically porn mags. Her memories are interspliced with imaginary counterfactual ideas of what might have been in those books, which are almost certainly not at all what the books actually contained. Benedict I. (GM):You remember that incident, vividly. All that emotional pain, compressed into a single instant of agonizing desire. It leaves you momentarily short of breath, and you take three psychic damage.

Looseleaf attempts to retaliate, but scores, um... a critical failure.

Luckily, that's the last thing these monsters have go right for them- the next few turns are a barrage of successful attacks and AoOs from the party's heavy hitters. Orluthe cuts one in half, provoking a disturbingly human-sounding ghostly wail as it dies. Saelhen throws a dagger from her hiding place in the grass, and...

Benedict I. (GM): Nice! The second dagger takes off this thing's head. It hits the ground with a squelch, and there's another human cry of agony. farnham: "HAH," goes what must be a very large and triumphant and majestic bird in the brush.

As soon as the combat is over, Orluthe returns to normal, and the dragon circling overhead... just flies away, apparently losing interest. Wonder what that's about.

Looseleaf attempts to Soul Read the corpses to learn more about why they were attacked, but unfortunately... the wolf corpse doesn't remember anything unusual that stood out to the spirits of its decaying body parts, and the spirits of the mud and grass left behind by the other monsters only recall being uprooted from the ground and forced to attack people- the spirits animating them seem to be gone.

They are able to figure out what those things were, though- they were Greed Echoes- some sort of evil spirits that echo strong emotions they encountered, and form homunculus bodies with which to act on those emotions. Greed Echoes like these were probably leftover from highwaymen and bandits who've attacked travelers on this road before- playing out their ugliest intentions.

It's weird, though- these are the grasslands, not the mountains. Monsters like these tend to come up out from below mountains, so it's not too common to see so many of them this far from where they spawn.

-

Moving on, the party reaches a point where the wild grasses suddenly stop, replaced by a uniform tall green grass- corn, apparently. Cornfields mean farmers, and farmers mean civilization.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "How delightfully rustic." Benedict I. (GM): It's not much longer before you see buildings down the road- it looks like the center of a farming village. There's a sign, as you enter the town- "WELCOME TO CORN". Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...how rustic."

They roll into town and notice not much of interest- it's a pretty standard farming village, with a Temple of Diamode (the hypertraditionalist family-values goddess Orluthe claims to be a cleric of), an inn (apparently very busy, with a lot of people going between it and the temple), and a branch of the Deathseekers' Guild (the adventurers' guild, which is very up-front about how dangerous it is to fight monsters as a career).

Orluthe looks a little nervous around the temple, so they head first to the inn. They enter, and they're immediately met with a riot of colors. The inn is packed with halflings in fancy outfits. Not like, rich people fancy, but down-home farmer fancy. Lots of flower patterns and the like. There's a band playing music in the back, and a bunch of halflings dancing while others chug whiskey and hoot and holler. The human innkeeper is struggling to keep up with all the mugs that need washing.

Discounts are in the cards, though- the bearded guy with the whiskey steins is happy to see out-of-towners joining the celebrations- a very proud father, he is, as his son Merrick was just married. This is the wedding reception, and in his mind, the more the merrier.

He puts forth something of a challenge: his son claims that city folk can't dance, see, and he, a dissenting opinion, wants to demonstrate otherwise. So, if the party can defeat his son and daughter-in-law in a dance-off... he'll pay for the night's stay!

How does a dance-fight work? Exactly the same as a normal combat, except the hit points are made up and the actual stats don't matter. You substitute your performance modifier on your rolls! Maybe you have a battleaxe, so you roll to attack with your battleaxe, and what that really means is you're doing a wild swinging dance move that really wows the crowd.

Enemies, meanwhile, know different "dance styles", inspired by CR-appropriate monsters I picked out of the monster manual to non-literally fight in a nonlethal dance battle. The happy couple are a pair of Duergar warriors, squaring off against the party's two squishies.

(3:06)

The combat is- well, there's not much to it, just a bunch of back-and-forth attack rolls, ultimately decided by clever use of flanking and attacks of opportunity. Looseleaf tries her best, but her Performance modifier isn't nearly as high as Saelhen's, as she's not the daughter of Kanzentokai's Dance Emperor. She does do a cool thing where she leaps into the air and does a wing-assisted pirouette thing, but all that accomplishes is taking her out of the fight for a bit- and concentrating fire on Saelhen.

Their rolls are pretty bad for a while, but things turn around once they outmaneuver their foes and pull off some attacks of opportunity.

Benedict I. (GM): So, you two- describe your combo dance move that totally floors these two. With musical accompaniment, s'il vous plait Looseleaf: okay you know how in ballet there's a move that's, like, one dancer picks up the other dancer and hoists them in the air turns out that move is a lot more effective if the lifting dancer literally has wings. Saelhen du Fishercrown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRoWiTcO7dk Saelhen gladly lifts Looseleaf, and for good measure gives her a little acrobatic toss and flips her in midair, catching her on the drop. Looseleaf: just to add insult to injury, looseleaf uses a whole conjunction of her fancy-schmancy special effects spells- minor illusion to create the effect of golden butterflies flapping around themselves, druidcraft alongside her wingbeat to scatter a bunch of her seeds and have them bloom into flower instantly Saelhen du Fishercrown: She's breathing heavily but... actually enjoying herself, despite the obvious competitive streak motivating all this. Looseleaf: it's a lot of visual spectacle on top of the move itself, and that's what puts the icing on the cake. Benedict I. (GM): There's raucous applause from the audience, and Aridrey is beginning to flag. She laughs, and- it's all she can do to keep up with Merrick, who's himself starting to have trouble keeping up.

(Meaning, while she's still his dance partner, she's "out", and no longer a battlefield presence.) Merrick, wifeless, tries to counterattack, and...

...makes the mistake of trying to copy their moves.

Benedict I. (GM): He hoists Aridrey above his head, and tries to spin her around the same way, and... they've been dancing all day, they're tired, and this is their first real attempt to improvise. "Wh- Merrick, wait-" Saelhen du Fishercrown: MERRICK I'M SO SORRY Benedict I. (GM): And she collapses on top of him, to laughter from everyone, particularly his dad. Saelhen du Fishercrown: (saelhen stifles giggles extremely well because a noble lady would never)

The battle seems more or less over, but Merrick is determined to see this through- breaking into a furious solo jig that puts the floor in grave danger of scuffing. None of his efforts land attacks, though- ultimately, Saelhen finishes the fight by delivering the ultimate humiliation- successfully copying his moves, a storm of fancy footwork. When the dust clears, the jig... is up.

Benedict I. (GM): His father laughs. "What'd I tell you, son? Don't get a big head, aye?" He slaps five gold pieces down on the counter. "Get 'em some rooms, Jonnem!" Merrick... he's been thoroughly humiliated, and doesn't take Saelhen's hand at first. Then Aridrey comes over and pulls him to his feet. "C'mon, honey. Grace, right?" Merrick vibrates for a moment, then lets out a sigh. He goes to shake your hand. "...Ffffffffine dancing," he says. Looseleaf: "That was a lot of fun!" Looseleaf is vibrating like crazy. Just hopping all over the place, like she hasn't quite gotten the dance bug out of her system yet.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: ("For what it's worth, man," she whispers, letting her gracious victor's smile collapse into a slightly shit-eating kind of grin. "That could've gone either way.") Benedict I. (GM): Meanwhile, Oyobi and Orluthe... I was going to say the outcome of their match would match yours, and I guess I'll stick to that, but Orluthe does not know how to dance, and Oyobi is drunk as hell. Orluthe may not know how to dance, but he knows how to hold on for dear life, and keep Oyobi vaguely upright as she flails around wildly. It's probably for the best that Saelhen's attention was elsewhere, because she would not have been able to keep a straight face at Oyobi's scandalous dance moves. Whatever's going on over there, the crowd is loving it- so all together, that's another 400 XP divided four ways.

With that victory, the party gets to stay the night for free. The next morning, they report the Greed Echo encounter and the dragon to the local Deathseekers' Guild (getting 10gp for their trouble, and turning a profit on this pit stop.) And with that... it's back on the road to Thunderbrush, next time!

[utilitycaster]

that’s no moon (...theory)

you know I was going to put this under a jump after a nice little thing about how while I don’t like conspiracy theories this is harmless and I don’t want to yuck any yums but after this video included a clip that was like HERE’S AN UNEXPLAINED FLOATING OBJECT IN THE ASTRAL SEA. LAST WEEK WE SAW A MYSTERIOUS CITY IN THE ASTRAL SEA. and not only did not address it but completely attributed it to something else that does not even make sense, fuck that.

1. The astral plane/sea is not outer space. This whole theory falls apart the instant you are aware that the astral sea is in a different dimension and space is the thing outside of the planet’s atmosphere within the same dimension. When you look up at the sky in real life, and you see the moon do you genuinely think it’s in a different reality? Actually don’t answer that. If you do I don’t want to know.

After that I mean there’s nothing else to say, but I will, and I did put a jump so that I ruin this theory but don’t ruin your dash. You’re welcome.

2. The Gith are not unique to spelljammer, a specific setting for 2e. They’re in the 5e monster manual but have existed in D&D from the first edition; the lore of them being astral plane pirates was there pretty much from the start. The existence of Gith in a 5e D&D game merely means the DM has read the monster manual.

3. I cannot muster the strength to go through every half-assed reference to the moon that a competent editor could have covered in a quarter of the time but:

Circle of the Moon is from the PHB and it’s just a druid circle, the moon indicating the form-changing, wild shape side of druids vs. the more traditional, environmentally-based, and spell-oriented circle of the land. Keyleth was a circle of the moon druid too, which Marisha said at one point was because circle of the moon gains the ability to shape into elementals.

The moon is often associated in most real-world mythologies with the feminine aspect, with change, with night time, with secrecy, with fate, and, particularly relevant to this video, with the ocean (see: season 1 finale of Avatar the Last Airbender, also the existence of tides on the REAL EARTH like I cannot stress this enough, Catha and Ruidis are fictional but please tell me you have some basic knowledge of what a moon is).

Tolkien frequently associated elves with moonlight, starlight, and nighttime.

Sehanine Moonweaver is just part of normal forgotten realms lore that was folded into the Dawn War pantheon which in turn is what Matt used for the pantheon in Critical Role (+ Sarenrae from the Pathfinder canon, because funnily enough you can take lore from something without the entire source becoming canon immediately).

A moon-touched sword is a common magical item (Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, page 138).

4. All the stuff about Molaesmyr and the sword seems more like links between the Blooming Grove and Molaesmyr (both being blessed by Melora and Corellon, both being in the Savilirwood). Additionally, Molaesmyr is one of the few cities that survived the calamity before later falling to the blight that sounds much like the blight that came to the Blooming Grove and was notably an elven city which meant it was more likely to include worshippers of the moon goddess Sehanine, a deity who is, and I cannot stress this enough, stated in the video to be primarily an elven deity. It is not weird that a researcher of the moon would be like “yeah I look for information about the moon in one of the few locations on this continent that did not fall during a nearly world-ending event, full of people who worshipped the moon goddess.” I mean it’s no mysterious astral blip you’re completely ignoring, but you know when people are saying something on a podcast that’s extremely wrong and you know the answer and you’re just screaming in your car? This video was that, but for over 51 minutes, like there were so many dots ripe to be connected and instead you made me watch a clip of an anime in the sancitity of my own house.

5. Further occam’s razor notes: the parent of a toddler/CEO of a company/working actor/person with ADHD being on their phone briefly during a D&D game and then getting off their phone and paying attention? goodness me! what other strange rituals have you observed in your travels? Oh, the artwork of a world that’s explicitly stated to have two moons depicts two moons? wild. Asking a weird question on the spot of someone who once played a character who tried to murder santa got you a troll-like response? wow. better read into that.

6. Okay I’ll stop being sarcastic for a full 15 seconds to note that the height of half-orcs is “between 5 and 7 feet tall”; Fjord is well within that range and in fact towards the top of it; if you’ve been imagining him shorter than Yasha, that’s a you problem (unless you are imagining Yasha as like 6′6″, which is also not canonical but I have transferred my annoyance about Yasha’s height over to this garbage video so like, do what you want). Yeah he’s on the smaller side but within normal size ranges; this could just mean his human parent was short and skinny, or his orc parent was short and skinny for an orc, or his non-orc parent was actually elven, or that one parent was a half-orc and one was human, or that someone who grew up in an orphanage was malnourished and never got super buff. I mean, Yasha and Reani are both aasimar and don’t exactly look alike. I’m 5′5″ and when I see a 6′8″ person I don’t ask them if they’re from space.

Really, in addition to not making some glaringly obvious and far more valid connections the thing that grinds my gears here is that this video, despite editing that I found illogical and frustrating, did compile a good deal of moon and space (and astral plane, which is not the same as space, I will keep saying this) lore. It is worth considering that there are magical meteors! Ruidis really is, in Exandrian lore, alleged to have connections to the betrayer gods! I’d love for someone with two brain cells to rub together and a basic understanding of logical fallacies to take a crack at what’s going on there! But instead I got this. I mean it’s not  even a tin foil hat, it’s like, crumpled tin foil covered in the moldy remains of bad takeout pizza that someone put on their head.

[yandere-society]

Day 11 | Santa Tell Me

Synopsis: You’ve always been strangely scared of Santa as a child. The thought of a stranger in heavy boots breaking into your home and rummaging through your stuff has always terrified you. And you felt that terror right now, in this instant, as you laid there with two men in bright green suits hovering over your pretend-sleeping form.

The 12 Days of Black Christmas Event Masterlist

Pairing: Vmin x Female Reader

Admin: @roses-ruby​​

Trigger warnings: Yandere themes, bad crack, attempted kidnapping, stalking, stupid jokes, joke about religion, swearing, bad mouthing Santa 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You really hated Christmas.

You hated everything that had to do with Christmas. All the sugary deserts, the unhealthy binging, the fake family bonding and seasonal depression longing. The freezing weather that froze your toes and pipes, the blinding red and greens, otherwise known as holiday delights. The overzealous consumerism around every corner, the empty materialism that gave everyone boners. The deforestation and self-righteousness, the ugly sweaters and proud religious mess. You hated Christmas and its warping spider’s net and all the very, merry, happy, holy, holly, jolly shit that went along with it.  

It wasn’t like you ever had a good Christmas to change your mind. When you were six, every girl at school had the brand-new light up Princess Dolly sneakers for Christmas but thanks to your skinflint of a dad, you got the direct knock off; Princess Polly sneakers. Polly with a PUH. They didn’t even fucking light up. To this day you get nightmares from the bullying. At 15, you got typhoid fever before the big ski vacation and while everyone else got to go have the time of their life, you were stuck rotting at home with your weird cousin Sigil who collected the dead skins from snake sheds. And just last year, at an unbearably boring office party, your ex best friend and crush made out under the mistletoe for 15. Whole. Minutes. Last you heard of them, they were engaged.

Let’s not even start about your irrational fear of Santa Claus. Every bad Christmas could be traced back to him. You cried the first time you heard your dad describe the bearded old man. Your reaction confused the hell out of him but to you, he was the strange one. What kind of parent allows an overgrown, capitalist bear man who dresses in red and brainwashes elf and reindeer to come into their home using the chimney and spy on their kids throughout the whole year? Was he a sadist? When you were younger, you would wet the bed just thinking of him stomping around your house in the dark. Safe to say, you never left him any cookies. Now, you’re just glad you grew out of the phase of believing in such a horrid creature like Santa Claus. Finally, you could sleep happy knowing that no one would sneak into your house in the middle of the night.

So, while we’re on that topic…who exactly were the two men whispering in the dark inside your room if it’s definitely not Santa?

“We have to quickly get back before he notices we’re missing. QUICKLY, Taehyung.”

“I know, I know. Let me just untangle this rope, Jimin.”

Who the fuck were Taeyoong and Jimmy and what the fuck were they doing in your house? That’s what you were thinking as you laid on your bed pretending to be asleep, absolutely still in the complete dark. Of course, you had a break in on the night of Christmas because why the fuck not. What made you think this one year, your Christmas day would turn out okay?

You were stuck even further because you lost the window of opportunity to wake up and startle the intruders and perhaps scream for help because since the moment they snuck in (3 minutes ago) you did nothing but lay there listening to their banter like the idiot you are. Maybe you could pretend all their ‘noise’ woke you up, but then again you weren’t too fond of your acting skills.

But honestly, who were they? What did they want? Why did they keep mentioning returning before this ‘he’ found out they were gone?

As you were pondering your crisis, someone blew straight into your ear. You shot up from the bed with a scream and immediately turned on the lamp beside you. Two men in strange green tunics and stockings, pointy ears, and tall hats with a bell stare back at you with an equally horrified expression.

They were dressed up as…elves?

“See, I told you she was awake.” The one on your right, resembling a small animal, possibly the bastard who blew in your ear, chirps.

“Wow, you really do have night vision, Jiminie.” The taller one behind the edge of your bed, the one holding a rope says, while staring at you in a daze.

“Who the fuck are you both? How did you get in? What do you want?” You shout, bringing your comforter to your chest.

All they do is stare at you with lovesick eyes to which you scowl. Hold on, why were your potential murderers so hot?

“_-___,” The one on the right calls you carefully. He had round and soft features with a sharp jaw. Slender eyes and bright pink hair matching his rosy cheeks on his otherwise cute pale face. “It’s an honor to finally meet you…my name is J-Jimin.”

“I’m Taehyung.” You turn to the man with the rope. His features were extremely well proportioned and downright lethal. A devilishly handsome face, beautiful golden skin and dark brown mopy hair. He appeared and sounded like a mature sugar daddy but stared at you like a 12-year-old pervert.

You sat silent after the two men’s greetings. What were you supposed to say after intruders introduced themselves? Nice to meet you? And how did they know your name?

“…O-Okay…Jimin, Taehyung…why are you in my house.��

“We’re here to kidnap you.” Jimin smiles, his eyes turning into crescents.

“E…Excuse me?”

“Yeah! We’re here because we love you and we want you for ourselves, so we have to take you from your home.” Taehyung says, stretching the rope in his hands.

“WHAT?” You couldn’t believe your ears. Did you perhaps start hallucinating after your edible once again? Because that would explain this crazy ass dream you were having right now. Since when did you have an elf kink though?

“So you see,” Jimin begins walking to stand beside Taehyung so now they were both in front of you, “We’re Santa’s elves. We were the ones assigned to watch over you, see if you were naughty or nice.”

“Pfft, you’re very naughty~” Taehyung giggles, blushing like crazy. You raise an eyebrow at him.

“And over the years,” Jimin continues, “We came to fall in love with you to the point of obsession. So now we want to kidnap you and take you to the north pole where we three will live in a polyamorous relationship and only me and Taehyung will get to be with you.”

“We’ll fuck every day.” Taehyung chimes in proudly, earning a smack to the back of his head from Jimin who mutters ‘not yet.’

“Ahahaha, what Taehyung meant was…of course any sexual relationship would be consensual. No means no, after all.” Jimin winks awkwardly

You just sat there, mouth wide open as your brain refused to process all the information that was just presented to you. So not only were your intruders dressed up as elves, but they were also clinically insane.

“I’m calling the cops.”

“W-wait! We can prove it to you!” Jimin jumps, rushing back to your side. “When you were 10, you really wanted a MayaMaya doll collection set didn’t you? You didn’t tell your dad about it because you thought he would get you the knock off; the Papaya doll collection. It was the first and only time you were okay with Santa coming into your house, so you didn’t even set the bear trap in the fireplace like you did every year.”

He was right. What the fuck.

“W…how did you know that?”

“We saw you.” Jimin says, eyes soft and smile tender, “You were wishing so earnestly that Christmas Eve, it almost made me cry.”

“W…wait so…Santa is real?”

“Of course.” They sang in unison

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, time out.” You huff, “He’s been real this whole time, yet he’s never gotten me what I wanted for Christmas?”

“Oh, my love.” Taehyung strides up and sits on your side of the bed, taking your hand in his. “It was out of our hands…we tried to get you on the nice list, but he could sense your bad vibes…also I’m pretty sure he was salty you never left him cookies. He is sort of petty.”

“So you’re telling me that hippy bitch Claire really did deserved that large purple dollhouse more than me?”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, she hasn’t been on the nice list for a long time now…all she asks for are sex toys.” Taehyung stares off into the distance.

“How long have ya’ll been watching me?”

“We are supposed to stop once a kid doesn’t believe in Santa anymore...but we were just always rooting for you. Before we knew it, we were watching you way into adulthood...and then slowly we started falling in love with you.” Jimin blushes

“...Have ya’ll seen me-”

“Naked? No...but we really want to.” Taehyung bites his bottom lip.

“I can’t believe this…” You groan, placing a palm over your forehead.

“Hey now, Jesus didn’t die today for you to be full of despair.” The taller elf rubs your hand with his thumb

“No, you idiot. He was born today…I think.” Jimin tsks

“Oh…well the point still stands. Don’t be sad my love. We never want you to have a bad Christmas again.”

“Anyway, we should hurry before Santa notices we abandoned him. That ass-kisser Jin also tagged along so we don’t have to worry too much about our portion of the presents since he would love to show off how competent he is to Santa all by himself. We can just say we ran a bit late because some kid almost woke up.” Jimin tells Taehyung to which he nods, getting his rope ready.

Oh right, this was a kidnapping. You forgot.

“___, just stay perfectly still and we’ll easily load you into the bottom of Santa’s gift sack. That thing is huge, no one will notice but us.”

“Guys, wait.” You say to which they freeze. “Let me think about this.”

They look at you with pleading puppy dog eyes and you start to contemplate it. Should you go with the two elves that barged into your house and tried to kidnap you and possibly turn you into a sex slave?

…

What were the pros and cons?

If you go to the North Pole, you’d basically be stuck with everything you hate about Christmas all year round. But could it be that bad seeing how smoking these two elves were? They could easily keep you warm. Were all elves this hot? Wait…could Santa possibly be hot? Your mouth watered thinking about it. Is this an enemies to lovers AU after all?

Whatever it was, it was interesting and more importantly you had a lot of unfinished business with the man in red. You could see it now, forming a mutiny with all the elves. Killing Claus and taking over his empire. Then it would be you who rules Christmas and boy, do you have a few changes you wanted to make like the beginning of this story states. Finally, all your wishes will come true. This time you WILL get the light up Princess Dolly sneakers and MayaMaya doll collection set.

And so, with a sinister plot forming in your head, you smile at the two eager elves in front of you.

“Alright boys, let’s go.”

Maybe this Christmas won’t be so bad after all.

[maverick-werewolf]

Folklore Fact - The Asrai

Here’s one that prooobably won’t be super popular, but hey, I find them super interesting, so I’m going to tell you about them!

So, there’s an entire unopened can of worms on this blog insofar as folklore as concerned, and that’s the fae. Faeries. Fairies. However you want to spell it (I generally go for fae and faeries). Pretty much the only time I’ve really mentioned faeries before on this blog was in this ask about elves.

Faerie folklore actually fascinates me and I research it a lot for Wulfgard, one of my primary fictional settings. Thing is, fae are extremely complex and researching them takes a lot of time and work and absolutely mountains of notes.

So I won’t get too into the whole fae thing in this post, seeing as how this post is about a particular member of the fae... the asrai, from English folklore.

Now, there’s a big question about the asrai: did people actually ever believe in them? That’s, of course, a question with a lot of folklore things. In the asrai’s case, firstly, we have no known etymology. Yeah, none at all. That’s a little troublesome. Though most sources also say they are also called “ashray.”

Secondly, we do know that - obviously - there are plenty of “water spirit” legends out there. Heck, asrai have some aspects in common with even things like mermaids and nix/nixie/etc in a lot of legends. It could very much be that “asrai” is just another term for any number of other legends of similar nature.

Possibly the first surviving record of the term “asrai” pops up is in 1872, in a poem by Robert Williams Buchanan. He also wrote a sequel to the poem called “A Changeling: A Legend of the Moonlight,” which connects back to their fae nature (changlings are associated with fae; more on that in another post sometime!). To Buchanan, they are spirits that love nature and die in the sunlight.

There is another record of the term asrai, used by a writer who may or may not have been citing accurate information, as the author was citing only stories told by word of mouth that were supposedly passed down through generations. The problem with citing “local stories” or “stories your grandma told you” is that it’s like playing the telephone game over multiple generations and literally hundreds and thousands of years, and some of those generations don’t even care about it, either. The stories get so distorted over time that they’re basically useless information and no one actually believed any of it. This is why reliable folklore sources come from recovered written works, not from word of mouth - because we can’t trust the collective generational memory (unfortunately), but writing does not change with people’s extrapolations and failing memories. As such, you won’t see any professional citing “local stories” that don’t have a written source, or things a relative told them. It’s kind of like asking a random American for some American history and then taking everything he says as the absolute truth, just because they’re an American. There are late night skits that make jokes about that.

Wow, that was a slight tangent. Anyway...

So we don’t know much about the actual folkloric sources of the asrai itself, but we do know it’s very similar to a lot of other legends and is almost certainly just another take on several other stories, like things about mermaids and other nature spirits. Or the name could’ve been entirely made up by Robert Williams Buchanan. We don’t really know - but he probably got it from somewhere. That being said--

What is an asrai, anyway? They cannot exist long in the sunlight. Does that mean they’re undead?

No, not at all. Many spirits and things couldn’t stand the sun, such as trolls in Norse myth. They are defined as “water spirits,” more often than not. They are described in a lot of different ways, but my favorite source I have on the subject describes them as women, tall and lithe, with translucent skin. Sometimes they are just water, sometimes they have actual bodies of some kind. Generally, they are hundreds of years old.

In Cheshire and Shropshire, there were almost identical stories of fishermen capturing asrai in their boats. The asrai beg to be released, but no one can understand their language. The fishermen in both stories put wet weeds on the asrai even as it groans in the bottom of the boat. By the time they reach the shore, however, there’s nothing left of the asrai but a puddle of water.

In one of the stories, the fisherman handling the asrai tries to tie her up, but touching her burns his hands and scars him for life.

And... that’s it, really! That’s pretty much all we have on asrai in particular... but definitely not on general water spirits and other such nature spirits and water beings. That’s a topic for another time, though. Same for the fae - there’s so much to say about fae I honestly barely know where to start!

As for pop culture: looking around on the internet out of curiosity, I found out that the wood elves in Warhammer are apparently called “asrai” sometimes. I find that weird and interesting, given I know next to nothing about them. Do they turn into water sometimes? Like, water spirits? I don’t even know. I do know they look quite cool and creepy. But hey, either way, that’s cool that they’d use the word.

So there you have it! Curious about what an asrai might be like in a story? Maybe you’re thinking they’d just be water elementals, like in a fantasy video game? I had a different thought. You can find an asrai in my upcoming novel Wulfgard: The Hunt Never Ends, available online on Amazon October 30! Be sure to check it out and keep an eye on this blog for the release post and order link! Here’s a preview:

Didn’t take long for his eyes to adjust, then to adapt, thanks to that potion. Faint moonlight spilling in let him see limestone walls slick with condensation and a violently gushing spring, churning the water on the far end of the cavern at the base of the wall. Spitting it out straight into the reservoir, the flow of it turning gentle by the time it left the cave.

Heavy mist hung in the air here, maybe kicked up by the water. But something didn’t seem right.

Then he realized why.

Fear washed down upon them like frigid rain – so much fear that, for half a second, it froze every muscle in Caiden’s body. His nerves pulled taut, ready to break and snap down on him like a whip, hard enough to leave a few more scars on his back. Hand shooting to his sword hilt in a white-knuckle grip, he drew in a sharp breath and fought the chill that ran fast up his spine and forced him to be afraid.

This wasn’t natural. Gwen, from the way she was suddenly fumbling with her gear, seemed to know it.

Asger, on the other hand, didn’t. He bellowed out a hoarse shout, nearly fell spinning around to face the exit, and ran for the cave mouth.

All around them, a shrill voice echoed, “Leave this place!”

It spoke the words very clearly – not the gibberish he’d been told about.

Everything happened at once. A rush of air ripped by him, trailing cold in its wake, like off the surface of the spring itself. Asger screamed, his heavy boots scuffing the stone as something made him stumble and fall. Caiden charged forward at a surging shadow, blade ready to swing.

And an arrow lodged itself in his upper arm with a hard lance of pain and a meaty thunk.

Caiden coughed out a grunt and staggered from the impact, the arrow locking up his sword arm and stopping him mid-strike. Whatever had come past him and attacked Asger seemed already gone, moving faster than he could even understand.

Gwen appeared beside him in an instant, hand on his uninjured left arm and sputtering apologies. “Caiden!? I – gods— I shouldn’t have tried to shoot it, it moved so fast—”

The cave around him was far from silent. Asger swore as he scrambled to his feet, Gwen kept on apologizing as she tried in vain to tug Caiden out of the cave until he, halfway in a stupor, finally staggered along after her.

Boots against stone. Grass under their feet, bright moonlight overhead. Plenty of pain in his right arm that twitched useless and limp at his side.

These sensations stayed, but something was missing...

Find more like this on Wulfgard.net - and be sure to keep an eye out for the release of The Hunt Never Ends on October 30.

(If you like my werewolf/folklore blog, be sure to check out my other stuff! And consider supporting me on Patreon. Every little bit helps and helps me run this blog, and you get goodies and a chance to vote on the topic of the next werewolf fact!

Patreon --- Werewolf Fact Masterlist --- Twitter --- Discord Server --- Ko-fi)

[timelesstempo]

north pole technology

summary:  you have an extreme fear of reindeer, lucas is a reindeer caretaker. what could go wrong?

elves: reindeer caretaker!lucas x puzzle maker!reader

wc: 1.9k

members/days posted: (4/21)

a/n: i wrote this one before chenle’s and forgot that i made the reader a puzzle maker in this one as well,,, i guess i just really like puzzles! anyway, i know this isn’t being posted on the 8th, but i am going to try to catch up and put them in order. thank you for being patient while i was absent! i hope you enjoy this one! let me know what you think!   

north pole technology masterlist

nct masterlist | main masterlist

“I’ll beat you to the barn, Lucas!”

“Oh no you won’t!”

You watch from your workbench as Lucas hastily tosses his paper cup of hot cocoa into the trash and chases after Yangyang. A smile overtakes your face as you hear a deep chuckle erupt from the tallest boy as he bursts out the workshop door after his friend. 

You sigh as you return to working on the puzzle you were currently making for a child to receive on Christmas morning. You try to calm your racing heart and the butterflies fluttering in your stomach, normal side effects of being around Lucas for you. Unfortunately, practically every female elf at the North Pole is in love with him too, and what’s not to love? Most of them make him extravagant presents every year, attempting to win over his heart, but with every passing year, he apologetically rejects their affection. He seems perfectly content just spending time either with his friends or in the reindeer barn. 

You’ve always admired his fondness of animals, especially reindeer, the reason being you are absolutely terrified of them. When you were very young, your parents took you to the barn to visit Santa’s reindeer, but Prancer had gotten too excited to see a new little elf in the barn and he knocked you clean over onto the ground. Though it seems a bit childish now, the fear still remains and prevents you from even considering entering the barn. 

This wouldn’t be a problem at all, except for the fact that Lucas happens to be a reindeer caregiver. Every time you see him you consider putting on a brave face to go talk to him in the barn, but you never fail to chicken out, staying far away from the animals despite it costing you a chance at getting closer to Lucas. 

You refocus your attention back on your puzzle, working on it diligently to try and rid your thoughts of the charming elf.

“Yay!! I finished my puzzle,” you turn in your seat and hold up your completed work. “What do you think, Yuta?” 

“Looks good! Probably my favorite so far.” The elf gives you a big smile before continuing to work on assembling a Captain America action figure. 

Suddenly, the door to the workshop opens and Lucas walks in looking frazzled. He seemed to be looking for someone. His eyes finally land on you and a relieved smile spreads across his face as he walks toward you. 

You begin to panic a little; Lucas is coming toward you. What do you do? What do you say? Why would he want to talk to you? Before you have time to contemplate the answer to even one of your questions, he is standing right in front of you. 

“Hi, (y/n),” he sits down on the other side of your table. “Oh is that a puzzle? It looks really good! Did you make it?” 

Lucas looks up at you quizzically after examining your work.

“Uh, y-yeah. I just finished it actually,” you stutter, a blush forming on your cheeks from his compliment. 

“Wow! Well, I can tell you that the kid that gets this one will be very happy.” 

You just smile and duck your head in embarrassment. 

“So actually, (y/n), I came to ask you for a favor. I have to get all the reindeer bathed and brushed for tonight because Santa is taking them and a few rookies for a test fly before the big night. Unfortunately, Yangyang who was supposed to help me is busy at his parents’ house tonight and can’t get out of it so I will have to do it all by myself. I would ask Hendery, but he is officially banned from bath time since he practically drowned the barn in suds last time” He laughs at the memory. 

“So, I was wondering if maybe you would help me instead?” 

Lucas looks at you hopefully. 

This was a lot to take in. Yes, Lucas is talking to you and asking you to join him in an activity, but that activity involves being up close and personal with reindeer. 

“Why me?” You ask. Surely there was someone else he would rather ask. 

“I thought it would be a good chance for us to get to know each other better! And you’re the only girl I trust to actually help, not just send googly eyes at me the whole time,” he laughs, thinking of how agonizing it was the last time a girl offered to help him with the grooming. 

“Of course, you don’t have to! I understand if you don’t. I mean, the reindeer can be smelly and a bit too playful at times and-”

“Lucas,” you interrupt, “I’ll help you.” You give in to the adorable rambling boy. 

His eyes enlarge with relief and joy. 

“You will?! Great! Thank you! Okay, come on!” 

He stands up from his seat across from you and moves around the table to grab your hand, forcing you to drop your pencil to the table. He tosses you your coat then takes hold of your hand once more to tug you out of the workshop toward the barn. 

What have you gotten yourself into? 

You shuffle in, sticking close to Lucas, following his every move. The barn is warm and cozy. Lights are strung around the building and wreaths are hung with the names of each reindeer on their stalls. Hay shuffling and small exhales can be heard from all over the large room. You peek behind the tall boy in front of you and are met with a reindeer staring right at you. Intimidated, you shrink back behind Lucas until he moves to the other end of the long barn to open the door to the bathing stall. 

“Okay, everything we need is in here! The hose is there and the soap and sponges are there,” he points at the items as he moves about the room. 

“We will go in ‘song order’ so Dasher is first!” Lucas exclaims, walking out of the stall back toward the front of the barn. You follow reluctantly. 

“Hey old man. Ready for a bath?” Lucas asks the reindeer as he opens the stall and steps in. You don’t make a move to follow him and he quickly notices. 

“Aren’t you coming in to say hello, (y/n)?” He asks as he attaches a lead rope to Dasher’s halter. 

“Um… you know, I’m actually good right here.” you mutter in embarrassment. 

“Come on there’s nothing to be afraid of!” Lucas jokes looking back toward you. Then he notices your uncomfortable expression. “Oh there is for you isn’t there?” 

You shyly nod, head lowering to look at the floor of the barn, avoiding eye contact with him. 

Lucas silently sighs and ties the lead rope to the stall wall before moving over to you. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you. Trust me. Come here.” He grabs your hand, that heart fluttering feeling returning with a sudden rush as he leads you slowly into the stall. 

“Dasher is one of our sweetest reindeer; he is old and too lazy to cause trouble anymore. He won’t hurt you.” 

You step closer to the animal, your heart racing for a different reason now. Lucas takes the hand not enclosed in his and slowly brings it toward the reindeer’s luscious fur. You snap your eyes shut in anxious anticipation. Your hand is tense and shaking but you allow Lucas to place it on Dasher’s back anyway. The soft fur tickles your palm and your hand heedlessly strokes it as if by  instinct. Once you realize that nothing bad is happening and that Dasher is remaining as calm as he was when you first walked in, you open your eyes in amazement. You were petting a reindeer! 

You look to Lucas to see him already smiling down at you. 

“See,” he pats the reindeer a few times before moving toward his head to grab the lead rope from the wall, “nothing to fear. You did it!” 

“I did it... “ you whisper, still entranced by the way your hand glides over the soft fur. 

“Alright, so you ready to give him a bath?” Lucas asks, smiling.

You turn to face him. “Yeah lets get him squeaky clean!” 

“Uggghhh! Really Blitzen?!” You yell as the reindeer shakes the water on his coat onto you and Lucas. The boy sighs and lets out a soft giggle of annoyance before wiping the water off his face. He grabs the lead rope and hands it to you to take Blitzen back to his stall. 

You return to the bathing stall to see Lucas securing Rudolph to the wall, the reindeer’s famous red nose illuminating Lucas’s handsome face in a ruby glow. 

After bathing and drying the sweet little reindeer, you grab a brush and begin to comb out his thick fur. You stand on one side of the animal while Lucas stands on the other. You catch a glimpse of him as he brushes his side of Rudolph’s coat. 

Never in a million blizzards would you have believed that Lucas, one of the most wonderful elves in the North Pole, would have asked you to help him; even more so, help you extinguish your fear of the thing he loved most. 

Finally, the two of you finish grooming Rudolph, untying him from the wall. You follow Lucas into the reindeer’s stall and watch as he relays his best wishes for the test flight to the magical creature. You move to stand next to them, patting Rudolph on the head before turning to the elf next to you. 

“Lucas?” 

“Hmm?” He replies. 

“I just wanted to say thank you. Before tonight I was too afraid to even be inside the barn; now I know I can come in here and be around the reindeer in peace and that’s all thanks to you.”

Lucas shyly smiles. 

“I got nervous when I realized that you were afraid of them. I had to fix it. You not being around them means you not being around me and… I don’t want that. I want you around me all the time, (y/n).”  

Lucas’s confession takes you by surprise. You stare at him just as he does you, trying to think of what to say next. 

Suddenly, a shove to your back sends you stumbling forward. The memory from your childhood reappears, your body tensing in preparation for the fall. But before you can hit the hard floor, warm arms catch you, holding you tightly to ensure that you don’t fall.

You look up and Lucas’s face is inches from yours, a result of his effort to save you. His brown eyes stare into yours before he smiles and slowly leans in closer, your body still enclosed in his arms. 

His lips softly press against yours, a warmth greater than any of Taeil’s hot chocolate has ever provided travels through your body. Time stands still, the reindeer forgotten; Lucas’s lips on yours the only thing on your mind. Desperate for air, you pull away from Lucas, keeping your face close to his. He lifts you back up to a standing position but keeps his arms wound around your waist. 

You look up at him and giggle, the realization of what just happened sinking in. You turn your head to glance at the mischievous creature behind you. Rudolph’s nose seems to glow even brighter than before. You reach out to pat his head. 

“Who would have thought a reindeer pushing me could make me the happiest elf in the world?” 

[cabinofimagines]

Shortie! (Headcanons of the 7+)

A/N: WE ARE (for a brief time) BACK IN BUSSINESS BABIES!!! So I’ve been talking about PJO a lot with my bff and felt the need to write something but I don’t really have time to write a long fic that could make you guys happy so I’m gonna settle with this headcanon thing one of you sent a really long time, don’t forget to comment your thoughts!! -Danny

Warnings: None :)

Request: Hey there! Just wanted to say Your blog is awesome! I love how you write the characters so good! Like really! It amaze me! It really made my day when I read a post of you! I hope the other get well soon I-I wanted to ask for a Headcanon? How the 7 and Nico, reyna, Thalia and Will would be like in a relationship with an short s/o? Like 4'9"? I'm sorry if I wrote it wrong! English is not my native Language ^^" and sorry if this has already been asked/if that are too much Characters! have good day!

Percy:

He’s already a tall guy, so most campers are below his height but you, oh boi

The first time he saw you he melted, you were so cute and huggable!!

Really, Percy treats you like you’re something out of this world, he needs to protect you at all cost!!!!

Has to lift you up so you two can kiss, or he has to sit, or you have to stand on top of something, you know the drill

Anyway, Percy loves his small bean

Annabeth:

She didn’t pay attention to your height until you mentioned it 

And she doesn’t talk about it much unless she’s teasing

When Annie hugs you usually places her head on top of yours and envelopes you in the warmest hugs ever

FOREHEAD KISSES

Nico:

This baby boy is not really that tall, i mean, he is. But not much. 

He’s like, 30 cm taller than you???

He’s kinda cold all the time so you hug him and it looks like a he got a koala stuck on his chest lmao

Nico loves that

NECK KISSES (for him)

He love, he protect, but most importantly, He love unconditionally.

Thalia:

This asshole. 

Won’t be a day when she doesn’t mention how taller she is

And how smaller than anyone you are

At first it was bc she was truly surprised but now she sees you making that face and “You look so cute when you get angry, honey”

You don’t know if you should punch her in the face or kiss it all over

Is always the second choice

Will:

“Hello I’m the doctor, and this is my little helping hand-” “sToP It”

Tons of cute nicknames

All related to how tiny u are ofc

He sometimes will use you like his personal pillow but it’s ok

Jason:

This little ray of sunshine won’t ever use your height against you

Unless he’s hiding your presents for Christmas/birthday/valentine’s

Really high up some shelf so you can never see them 

PIGGYBACK RIDES

He plays with your hair. All.the.time.

Whenever he wants a kiss he leans or sits and pulls you on his lap

He has never let you make any kind of effort, literally you just gotta go “Kiss me?” and he’ll leave whatever he’s doing so you can get some affection

Bless him

Piper:

This asshole 2.0

she doesn’t make fun of you as openly as Thalia, but she gives you that look 

You know the one, like you’re some kind of lost kitten in need of a home

So obviously, she’s really protective 

No one can make fun of your stature except her

She’s always kissing you cause idk why everyone feels so full of love whenever they’re around a short person seriously I need an answer????

Anyway, protective Pipes = best pipes

Leo:

He gets you. He was the smaller in every damn group he’s ever been. 

So when he met you he couldn’t be happier

“So how many jokes about elves do you hear during the day?” “oh, boy... too many” “yeah, I feel ya hon”

But careful tho! he gets you, that doesn’t mean he’ll take an opportunity to mess with you if he can

“Listen, Repair boy-” “Sorry, I can’t hear you from these TEN INCHES TALLER THAN YOU” 

You punched him for that

it wasn’t so bad, but he got the message

That didn’t stop him but he now makes sure there are a few secure feet of distance between you before he makes one of those jokes

Hazel:

She’s actually thankful her significant other isn’t taller than her

perfect hugs that fit just right 

She can borrow your clothes too, that’s amazing

you train together whenever you feel like doing nothing too difficult

you can take selfies and none of you has to bend/tiptoe to fit in the frame?? thank the gods for that

spontaneous kisses are easy cause you don’t have to pull her down lmao

Frank:

“I could carry you on my shoulder all day and I wouldn’t feel tired at all” “Please DO”

He has this dumb habit of walk behind you so he can see you and others found it hilarious cause he looks like a very kind bodyguard

Sometimes you actually have to pull his shirt or shake his arm to get his attention and he finds that extremely cute while you die of embarrassment

HE CAN LIFT YOU UP LIKE NOTHING, WOW

Definition of a giant teddy bear: Frank Zhang

Definition of the teddy bear for Frank: you.

 you are so cute I'm crying wtf

Reyna:

No one touches you, no one ever messes with you in a fun way cause Reyna is always ready to fight

But she’s so gentle around you?

Light kisses on the top of your head

Her voice goes like x1000 times softer with you

she’s always pulling you in for a kiss

omg guys I think i might have a crush on soft gf reyna help

The greatest girlfriend you could’ve asked for

So that’s it for today guys! I hope you like it :) remember to leave a comment or a tiny heart <3 <3 

-Danny

[koszmar-zycie]

Quick! A character of your choice has been thrown into an AU, what is it and how do they cope?

Oh boy, let’s go a bit random and have this one be about my orc warrior, Graunka. And for the AU, let’s sayyyyy… race-swap AU to the extreme. And assuming she’s aware of the swap (as the ask feels like) she’ll be.... a Night Elf! This also ended up being like... two AU types in one haha.

**********************************

Off the cuff:

Accustomed to tactically placed plates of metal resting upon persistently and diligently maintained musculature, the initial shock would be a bit delayed. The Kaldorei people were not just tall by nature, but held a sort of musculature of their own which betrayed their otherwise slim and elegant woodland appearance. Thus the change at first did not sink in as quickly as she would have thought. She felt the strength in her body, and did not think much of it.

But then she looked down. “What in Gul’Dan’s asscrack?” Her unapologetically blunt voice erupted. Though, even this was wrong. The difference was pretty clear, on second listening. Her voice was suddenly much smoother than it had been previously. She was far from a stereotypical ‘harsh’ Orc voice, but she certainly never spoke with this much of a smoother and higher pitch. 

The source of her exclamation, however, was much more obvious than that of her realization through her vocal difference. Graunka’s body was lean, long, and lavender. The former Orc knew immediately what sort of body she was looking through, but how it happened and why was a different story. Of course, such transformations were hardly uncommon in the midst of the myriad of outlandish and chaotic events that transpired in Azeroth’s history. Or from the number of outrageous creatures and people capable of creating such things.

Her armor too had been replaced. While lightly armored, believing in a “barbarian” approach to things; covering her vitals with plates, which exposing the rest for both personal flavor and mobility/weight - something she was accustomed to fellow Orc warriors contesting - of course armor wasn’t as heavy as non-plate wearers say. But she liked wearing less, and she was plenty capable of fighting in it!

Instead she was wearing the small, lighter plates similar to how Darnassian archers would often be outfitted. “Well,” She’d think aloud, “At least it breathes.”

One week later:

“The comedic value of walking around Alliance territory like one of their purple elves is starting to wear off.” Graunka expressed with an annoyed eyebrow twitching when she’d think of how things were going. “Life in these woods and stuff is all well and good, but I’m getting bored. And they don’t have the same kind of humor or passtimes that we do back home. It’s not that bad, but let’s just say ‘it’s not for me.’ Not like I’m not going to make the most of it, but still. This is ridiculous.”

Two weeks later:

“Okay. Someone braided my hair. A little girl made a flower crown and put it on my head. And some guy said I’m ‘pretty’ in a lot of fluffy words and is going out of his way to see me. I guess some of them are tough, but I don’t see how most of them are so... soft.”

Three weeks later:

“Turns out the weird guy is a druid. I guess he likes to make himself a bear? That’s pretty cool, so I guess he’s not all that bad. They. They aren’t that bad. Well, not soft anyway. Whatever. If I’m going to be stuck like this, then I might as well get to know him. It’d be good to have at least one friend who’s not all flowers and moonlight. If I’m gonna be one of them, maybe I can get him to teach me how to be a bear, too.”

One full month later: 

“Okay, LOOK. I’m not saying that I LIKE it. I’m saying that out of the different things that... whatever it was that changed me turned me into this could’ve picked, those elves are the worst thing. Let’s just be sure to keep tabs on this. I really don’t want to be purple forever. Whatever. I gotta get going. Supposed to meet that druid guy in ten minutes.”

**********************************

Thank you @kuzi-the-hunturr! This was hard at first since I had a fun idea for it, and it ended up being slightly different when I started writing. But I’m glad I did, because wow was this fun. lol Hope you found it entertaining, at least!

[luukia]

Alsar Chapter 4

Chapter 4 : My First Time to The Market & The Shocking Truth! 

A/N : They went to the market and Ren was surprised! *Boom*

~*~

“Ren are you awake? Come now, rise and shine.”

Malik-san knocks the door as he calls out to me. I was surprised that I almost fell to the floor. I look around the surrounding room, my head is a little hazy because I suddenly woke up in an unfamiliar room.

“Ah, right. This is not my house.”

I murmurs as I recall what happened yesterday. I was transported to Alsar and met Malik-san, that’s right.

“Wait, I’m awake now! Wait a minute!”

I walk to the door to greet Malik-san.

“It’s okay, no need to rush.”

As I thought, I really am in another world right now. At first I thought maybe if I go to sleep, I would wake up and everything would go back to normal.

Ugh. Thinking about my current situation makes my head hurts.

Well, first thing first. I better pull myself together. Time to start another day in Alsar!

“Good morning, I’m sorry I slept in. I’m going to wash my face first.”

I see Malik-san is sitting on the sofa. He hands me a bundle of clothes.

“Yesterday when Ren was sleeping, I just realized I can use [Small] magic on my old clothes to fit your body. Sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”

Ah that’s right, yesterday Malik-san said he doesn’t have clothes in my size.

“Thank you very much! I didn’t know magic can be used in such convenient way.”

“Shrinking clothes using [Small] magic is easy. [Big] magic to enlarge clothes is harder. Because if we want to increase the size of clothes, that means we have to produce more clothes from nothing, right? [Small] magic only decrease the existing things, but [Big] magic can produce something out of nothing. Well, a proper magician can use [Big] magic easily.”

I guess magic is not that easy to use despite being convenient.

“I see. Well, once again thank you for the clothes. I’m going to wash my face now.”

I hold the bundle Malik-san gave me and head to the sink. I wash my face and when I’m done, I spread the bundle of clothes.

I have one long sleeved white shirt, a black vest, a long dark brown pants with suspender attached to it.

“Wow, it fits me better than I thought and so comfortable too. It’s easy to move, not restricting at all.”

It’s simple but when I put it on, I look amazingly good. The size fits me perfectly too. Malik-san really have a good sense of fashion.

Back in Japan, Golden Week was almost over so it’s March in Japan right now. Since both Alsar and Earth have the same rotation, I guess right now it’s spring? Either way the clothes suits the season so it’s fine.

I walk back to the living room to show the clothes to Malik-san.

“Malik-san, does the clothes suits me?”

“Wow, you look good! Now we only need shoes for you. In the meantime, you can use this sandal. When we get to the market, let’s visit the shoemaker and get shoes in your size.”

“Umm.. Malik-san.. Right now.. I don’t have any money with me. I will just borrow your sandal.”

Since right now I’m penniless, I have to restrain myself from borrowing too much money from other people otherwise I will be in trouble when it’s time for me to pay my debt!

“What are you saying? In the first place, if you don’t even have a pair of shoes, it’s going to be hard to get a job.”

“Ugh when you say it like that….. Fine! Please lend me money, I will be sure to pay you back when I get a job!”

I have to work extra hard so I can repay Malik-san!

“Ren you’re such a good kid! Okay, I understand but leave the food expenses to me, alright? Even though right now because of an injury, I already retired. But I still have some savings from back when I was an adventurer.”

Malik-san says as he pats my head gently.

Wa-wait! Injury? What?!

“Ehh? Are you injured? Is it painful? Are you fine now?”

“Ah it’s okay now. It was 10 years ago, I was fighting a monster and it got my left leg. I managed to kill it and returned to the town. As time pass by, I’ve recovered my leg but I’ve decided to quit being an adventurer and choose to manage the guild instead. Ah right, I need to show you around the guild too!”

Malik-san replies, he is still stroking my head.

That’s right, this is fantasy world after all. Of course monster exists here. Because the situation somehow turned gloomy, Malik-san immediately perks up and changed the topic.

“Anyhow, it’s all in the past now! I’m perfectly fine now and there’s no monster inside the city so you’re safe! Let’s hurry up and go to the market! First, we need to go get breakfast, we can get some from a food stall in the market. Then, shoes and clothing for Ren. After that, lunch at another restaurant and then.. We need to purchase ingredient for tonight’s dinner. I will put it inside my magic bag and then we can head to the guild!”

I already heard about the magic bag yesterday. It seems like you can put a lot of things inside despite the size of the bag. I also want one if possible..

“Sounds exciting! I wonder what the market and the guild looks like! There’s bound to be bunch of food I never see before too! Interesting!”

“Is that so? Well let’s go!”

~*~

I follow Malik-san as he goes outside. It takes about 5 minutes of walking before we reached the market. I think right now it’s around 7 am? But the market is already packed with people!

I didn’t get to take a good look yesterday so I didn’t realize but turns out in the city, there’s a bunch of race living here. There’s elves with pointy ear and beastman with animal ears. Amazing!

The sight of rabbit ears on that bald uncle though, that sight is too traumatizing.

“Even though it’s early in the morning, the market is already crowded!”

“That’s right. The market is always crowded. We have to be careful not to get separated. We will go get breakfast at my usual place.”

“Right!”

Malik-san increases his pace. If I lose the sight of him, it’s the end for me. I desperately run up to him, the length of our leg is too different!

In fact, almost everyone in the market is a lot taller than me. Even the woman is super tall here. No matter how you look at it, I look like a small child compared to them.

If I were to permanently live in Alsar.. Would I be able to even have a girlfriend here? Do they even consider me as love interest??

I was too depressed that I didn’t realize we’ve arrived at our destination. Almost immediately, I smell a really delicious aroma coming from the stall.

“You see, that stall sells delicious roasted pig meat with bunch of spices and ritas bread.”

“Ritas? I don’t know what it is but it smells amazing!”

“Is the name of ingredients in your world is different? Anyway you should try it first, I’m sure you will get hooked.”

I’ve never heard of it before, it must be the kind of food that only exist in Alsar. But it sure smells delicious!

Malik-san then orders for us and hands me my portion.

Is this vegetable ‘ritas’?

I gather my courage and take the first bite.

*chomps*

Wow! The pig meat is so full of flavour! The juice and herbs from the pig absorbed by the ritas bread is extra delicious as well! Wow!

Apparently ‘ritas’ is like some sort of lettuce in Earth and pig is well.. pork meat.

‘Ritas’ and lettuce has similar sounds so I guess it’s kinda easy to remember.

“Malik-san! This is so delicious! The pig is so juicy and the ritas is so crispy! Amazing!”

“I’m glad you like it! Let’s take a seat so we can take our time eating.”

Malik-san pulls me to sit on the nearest bench and then we chomped on our meal delightfully. At first I was worried whether it would be safe for me to eat different world food but it was surprisingly delicious that I finished eating in a beat.

While I finish my first bread, Malik-san already eating his second and he takes a water bottle from his magic bag and pass it to me.

“Here, take this. It’s tea.”

“Thanks! *gulp gulp* Ah, I’m full.”

“Ren you eat so little. You should try to eat more. Ah but, you shouldn’t force yourself to eat too much either.”

Because the different in our physique is too great, I guess the amount of food I eat might seem too little to Malik-san?

Malik-san takes the bottle from me and put the bottle back into his magic bag.

“Well then, shall we go look for clothes? I have quite a lot of money so need to hold back!”

“Eeeeh? Then it will be hard for me to repay you back. I will just buy the basic necessities. “

“Hahahaha! Ren you’re already like my son, so it’s okay to see me as your father”

Son..?

Father..?

My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and my mother raised me alone. I’ve never met my father ever since then.

Even though I have new father thanks to my mother remarrying, I didn’t meet him often because I��m busy with my study and they also live so far away. We’ve met a few times but I’m not that close to him yet.

“I actually never had a father figure in my life before but I guess it’s nice to have such cool looking father like you.”

“I see.. Well, I’ve been living alone too all these years. I bought that huge house thinking I might settle down and build a family one day but years pass by and here I am, still alone. But now I have Ren so I’m very happy!”

I knew it, that house is too huge for one person. But is this alright? I mean we were practically strangers, I’ve only know Malik-san for about 2 days but.. From the bottom of my heart, I feel safe with him.

“I don’t have a wife too, I’m still single but.. In the future I also want to have a family, I might get a wife someday, though I don’t know whether the woman in Alsar would even consider me as love interest because of how short I am. But as right now I’m still single, please let me live with you.”

I practically look like a minor if I were to compare myself to the average height in Alsar. It’s probably almost impossible for me to get a wife and somehow, everyone in here is so physically fit. It’s not like all of them have such big muscle like extreme bodybuilder but they seem to be physically fit, the muscle in them are pretty defined and the woman has nice bodyline as well.

Rather than a love interest, the woman in here might see me as little brother or something.

“Rather than a wife, I think it’d be better for Ren to search for a husband, maybe around 2 or 3 husbands to protect you. Since the other female looks manly compared to Ren, they might feel inferior if they were to become your wife. Hahaa!”

“Eeh? Wh-whaat?!”

Husband?! What?!

What’s more, 2 to 3 husbands??

What does he mean??

“Ren? What’s wrong? You have strange expression on your face. Hmm, though I told you to search for a husband, I would only approve if you marry the man that I acknowledge. They better earn my respect first before trying to marry you. I can’t let a jerk sullied you!”

I’m so surprised,so my face look really weird right now. But that’s not something a father would say to his son! It’s something that a father should say to his daughter!

“Umm.. Malik-san, I’m a man you know, is it okay if I marry a man? What’s more, multiple man instead just one??”

“So what if you’re a man? Is it forbidden in your world? Homosexual marriage is normal here in Alsar and marriage here is not limited to one couple. You can have more than one partners. Although I say it’s not limited to one, usually people only have about.. 5 partners at most?”

W-what?!?!

This is the biggest culture shock I’ve ever experienced in Alsar!

Well back in Earth same-sex marriage is already approved in some country, I even have some gay couple friends back in university. Even in Japan, having a concubine or more than 1 wife is quite common especially during the war era.

Now that I think about it.. It’s not that different huh? I guess it’s alright.

But to imagine myself actually marries more than one man…

“Well it’s not that common in the place where I lived, in Japan especially. Because if there’s a lot of same-sex couple that means the population will decrease, right? Because no procreation will happen. Especially Japan already experienced the decrease in population, it would be bad if there’s less heterosexuals couple in Japan.”

“Well that may be right, having more children would help the population more but why would the population decrease ? Same-sex couple can also have children anyway.”

Whaaaaat?!?!

Did I hear it right?!

Same-sex couple can have children together?! Not adopting but like, give birth to children together?!

I don’t understand.

“Eh? But how? Even though both are guys??”

“Hmm.. I see. So it’s not like that in your previous world,huh? I will explain more after we finish picking up clothes for you, okay? I don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”

“Ah..Yeah, you’re right.”

~*~

We then start to walk to the clothing store, we didn’t walk too far away from the ritas bread stall but the amount of people decrease considerably.

“Ren, let me confirm once again. So in your previous world, same-sex marriage and monogamy is not that common ? And same-sex couple could not give birth to child together?”

“Yes. In Japan, my country haven’t acknowledged same-sex marriage and monogamous marriage yet. I think in some country they already accepted it but not Japan. And same-sex couple could not have child together although there are other way to have a child like through adoption or through surrogate mother. But there’s no way a procreation can happen between homosexual couple.”

Yup, I’m sure that’s the condition in Earth.

“I see. No wonder Ren was so surprised. Well as you heard before, same-sex couple can have children together here in Alsar.”

“Yes, I understand but..how..?”

Yup, that’s the big question!

From what I’ve learned from sexual education class, there’s no way same-sex couple can give birth together!

“Well in Alsar both homosexual or heterosexual couple need to go to the church and pick up the fruits from Yamu tree growing on the church’s ground.”

“Yamu tree?”

“Yes, if you eat it while you’re still unmarried, nothing will happen though. But if you go pick up the fruits and eat it together as a married couple, a child will be born. After eating it, the effect of that fruit will last for a week so you better have sex together soon before the effect disappear.”

So that’s how homosexual couple have child together.. What a mysterious fruit..

But the condition for the effect to appear is to be married? So that’s mean there’s no such thing as shotgun wedding in Alsar then. All children born will be between marriage life.

“Then if someone were to have multiple spouses, that means everyone has to eat it together?”

“No. Not everyone has to. Let’s say if you have three husbands. A, B and ,C. If you want the father of your child to be A then only you and A need to eat the Yamu fruits together. B and C don’t have to eat it. The effect will still appear but only A will be able to impregnate you. Most people are pretty particular with the parent of their child so this kind of thing happens quite a lot.”

I see. So if I don’t care who is the father is then I can eat it together with A, B and C.

So with this system it’s impossible to have a children if you were cheating. Like if there’s person D. A cheats with D so because A is not married to D, even though A already eats the Yamu fruits with B and C, A won’t have a children with D.

Oh and if A, B and C eat the fruit together, if somehow the children looks like B in 3 consecutive rows, it’d be sad for C then. That means for C to properly continue his bloodline, it’d be better for A and C to eat the fruits together without including B.

The Yamu fruit is so convenient but what about the people who live far away from the church? That means they cannot have children??

“Malik-san, what if someone lives far away from the church? What to do then?”

“Oh the church is not the only place Yamu tree can grow. Yamu tree can grow in other place than the church but since there’s no one to properly take care of the tree, it will be hard for the tree to bear fruits.”

“I see, ah there’s a lot of new things to absorb…”

This world, is really the fantasy world.. Even obscure thing like pregnancy-inducing-fruit exists in here.

“Though now I know that pregnancy is not limited to heterosexual couple, I still think that I don’t think I will ever have a husband because I’ve never consider a man to be love interest at all. I’ve only likes girl.”

“Ren, it’s not like that I oppose of you to have a wife but I really think it’s going to be difficult for you.”

“Eh? Why is that?’

“Well to be honest, Ren’s appearance is more attractive to the men here. Ren is really beautiful, I think even woman might admit that Ren is beautiful but I don’t think they might be interested in having you as their husband.”

I knew it.

I already knew it but hearing the truth from Malik-san really convinced me that I was right.

“And because Ren never practice sword and magic before, I really think it’s better for you to have a more than one husbands to protect you.”

“But I’m also a man! I can’t stand being protected! I want to be able to stand on my own too!”

Though swordsmanship seems impossible for me but my pride as a man won’t allow me to just let myself be protected and do nothing!

“I know but the current you.. Let alone female adventurer, I don’t think you can even win against normal female villagers here.”

“W-well that might be right..”

I guess, having a loving wife and protect her like the proper man is impossible for me huh.

Nah, rather than that I think the most possible outcome for me is to be protected by my wife instead. “I will protect, Ren-kun!” like that maybe.

Ugh! My pride as a man…

Ah,I can’t keep lamenting! I better move forward instead!

That’s right! First, I need clothing!

“Malik-san! Let’s go to the clothing shop! Let’s stop talking about my love life and look at clothes instead.”

I stand up abruptly and pull Malik-san hand.

“Hahhaa, okay okay. I know a good shop here, if the size doesn’t suit you, I can use [Small] magic to adjust it to your size. So you can pick the design you like, the size can be adjusted later.”

“Okay!”

Malik-san finally stands up and guide me to the clothing shop.

Chapter 3

Index

Chapter 5

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

tazchat: take me to davenchurch

DAVENPORT: what the FUCK is party composition. let’s go to fucking space.

two-sunned planet canonically has video, and thus, presumably, television, hell yeah

just two teenagers, elves and a dwarf all of whom are probably stoned, a fucking best buy employee, and a very very tired dad

MAGNUS LOVES PORTMANTEAU.

shitty rebellious youth magnus i would die for him. sorry also travis said “johnny storm-esque” and uhhhh mchael b jrdan as mags... Uhhh

merle hates his fuckin family

Loop. Loop. Loop. Loop. Loop. Loop.

SEVEN PERFECT FITS.

Two Month Mission.

proposed boat names: Boaty McBoatFace, Spinnaker, The Stinky Spinnaker, Lightbringer, SkySpinnaker, Skyweaver, Stardancer, and then, in unison, “Starblaster.”

NOUVEAU RICHE SPACESHIP

the immediate understanding that “We Are The Press Now” is so good, they just start improvving the fuck out of this scene

“YOU COULD CALL THIS A LOVEBOAT IF YOU WANT TO BE EXTREMELY REDUCTIVE.”

“clop hoofman, minotaur monthly.”

“nerd alert!” Wow

Merle Is Canonically Hot

“nobody told us we couldn’t have loved ones back here!” i’m magnus

“i wasn’t paying attention. oh, weapons? i’m the only weapon we need. thanks, bye.” I’M MAGNUS

frasier crane canon the adventure zone character

SEVEN PEOPLE, TWO ARE CHEFS

fantasy nasa!

twins are top of the class.

she’s nervous! she’s a baby!!!! eighteen years old!

“i’m um, a biographer—i’ve certainly ghostwritten something you’ve read. this seems like, uh, a, uh, story worth tellinga well?”

“WELL I UH DID THIS WORLD ALREADY AND KIND OF CRUSHED IT SO I GUESS I’M EXCITED FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO EXPAND THE OL BRAND AS IT WERE, GET OFF THIS STINK PLANET,” and she high-fives magnus, runs back up to the mic, “ALSO, GREG GRIMALDIS, YOU OWE ME FIFTEEN DOLLARS AND I AIM TO COLLECT YOU BETTER BELIEVE GREG GRIMALDIS,” and she drops the mic. queen, icon.

“y’all have one more night,” says griffin, and travis, in magnus character voice, yells, “time to party!”

The Gang Gets Fucked Up In A Biker Bar At Magnus And Merle’s Insistence

“we don’t have any use for money, so we steal their fucking shoes.”

lucretia is literally writing as everyone fights she’s just like “oh there’s a fight? whatever! cool flavor for this intro section tho.”

Magnus Drinks A Lot Of Coffee On The Morning Of The Apocalypse

jacket no shirt magnus tits out burnsides

jacket on top of robe, don’t even trip, so stylish

who do you think cried first after the world ended. the correct answer is magnus but who do you think cried first.

griffin explicitly says that this is not zootopia.

lup is the go-to tracker. hm

“i DID take that from zootopia.”

Barry Is Afraid Of Mongeese

lucretia and magnus at dinner freaking the fuck out while the science squad just fuckin. grunts at each other. so good.

POWER BEAR! WISDOM OWL! INSTINCT WOLF!

griffin: “power bear—” / travis: “Can I Go?”

where’s that post where it’s like “here fuck this gnome”

“i want to draw these Weird Plants.” is an actual Lucretia Thought. she is my favorite character in the world.

Here, Fuck This Gnome.

“WHERE’S THE FUCKIN’ POWER BEAR.” “Power Bear Come Out And Play!”

“...please don’t fight the power bear.”

magnus gets arrested for trying to fight the power bear. king.

Cow Tools.

magnus rushes out, sees the bear is two stories tall, looks at lucretia, who looks at the bear, looks back at magnus, and sadly shakes her head no. i love dumb teens.

Magnus Tells The Power Bear To Fuck Off, And Also Canonically Knows Judo, And Also Travis Might Have Just Implied That He’s A Vegetarian, And, Hey, The Power Bear Likes Magnus

a twins-shaped dust cloud

“I HAD THIS SHIT TWO YEARS AGO”

Magnus Burnsides Found Dead In Zootopia

white threads of light... weave into a Friend Shaped Man

[thranduil-is-my-king]

Happier Here Than There (Part 4)

Ship: Eventual Thranduil/Reader Rating: General Warnings: None Tags: Middle Earth, Reader-Insert

Summary: Imagine ending up in Middle Earth at the edge of Mirkwood Forest. When you venture into the forest, you are attacked by spiders before being saved by guards and taken before the king.

Word Count: 1856

Written for: @welcome-to-fangirl-hell

A/N: This fic, and basically this series since it might not have started without her request, is dedicated to Ammy because I said on one of her posts that I was thinking of doing a Thranduil/Reader fic and I asked if she would tag me in hers when she made one and that I would do the same so, here it is! I hope all of you enjoy this series and please let me know what you think of it!

AO3 Link

Series Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

~*~*  THIS STORY TAKES PLACE A FEW DECADES BEFORE SMAUG ATTACKS EREBOR *~*~

~~ For Ones • All Elves have a One • There is only one One a lifetime • If the elf’s one is mortal, when the two mate, the mortal becomes immortal and tied to the elf (Yes, I know that it doesn’t go like that canonically but in my ‘verse, it does. Don’t like, don’t read.)

Translations:

Ellon- Male elf

^^ Translations will be at the bottom as well

This place sucks, you think as an elf knocks on your door at what seems like too early in the morning, especially after the night you had. You stand up and walk over to your door and open it, not caring about how your hair stood up in different directions in several places. At your door stood the elf that brought you to your room yesterday. His name is Galion, right? “King Thranduil requests your presence in the library, my lady.” “Oh, uh, okay. Your name is Galion, right?” “Yes.” “Okay, Galion. Considering I have absolutely no clue as to where the library is and I most likely look horrendous right now, do you mind waiting out here while I get ready so that you can show me to the library?” You say, anxiously brushing your hair down with your hand. “I was planning to do that anyway, my lady. I shall wait out here while you get ready.” “Thank you so much. I’ll be ready in a jiffy.” You say before closing the door. Going over to the wardrobe that you were given, you wonder why Thranduil would want to see you. As far as you knew, you had done nothing wrong. Maybe another conversation about your world? Or one about his? Looking through your wardrobe, you find a simple but beautiful red gown with orange outlining the shapes of leaves. Taking it out, you lay it on your bed as you go to the bathroom to do your morning duties which are a lot faster since you don’t have makeup. You take your sleeping gown off walking to the bed before slipping on the gown onto your body. Now, what shoes? you think as you walk back over to the wardrobe. Looking at the shoes, you find an equally simple but beautiful pair of boots that are red on the top but gradually fade into orange going down. Perfect. After slipping the boots on, you walk over to the bed and sit down as you unbraid your hair, letting the loose curls fall. Grabbing a brush, you run it through your hair and looking in the mirror to look at yourself, you deem it well enough to walk in public. You open the door to see Galion standing on the other side of the hallway, waiting. You walk over to him and ask, “So, how do I look? Not too other-world-ish?” Galion stares at you for a moment before speaking, “Not at all except for the curly hair.” “What? Are you saying that no one in this entire kingdom has curly hair?” You ask shocked. “Elves do not have curly hair. We keep our hair long and straight.” Galion answers. “Shall we go?” “Yes.” “Alright then, follow me.” And with that, you’re off following Galion through the halls of Mirkwood.

“So, is there anything really important that I should know since I’m living here for the time being?” You ask, wanting to break the somewhat awkward silence. “You should know that elves in general are not welcome of outsiders. There aren’t a lot of us that are welcome of outsiders so until you figure out who those people are, try not to do anything extravagant or odd.” “So, basically as if I’m at a formal event except it goes on for a really long time?” “Yes, exactly.” “Are you one of those welcoming elves, Galion?” “If you knew how old I was I’m sure that you would be surprised to hear that, yes, I am.” “Why would I be surprised?” “Usually when someone meets someone old, they think that they are completely disapproving of everything that isn’t the old ways.” “Come on, you can’t be that old. What are you, 32? 35?” “Older.” Galion says, the corners of his mouth turning up a little. “What? No way. 38? You can’t be more than 40. How old are you?” “7363.” You stop walking, shocked by his answer. “I’m sorry, I must have heard you wrong. Did you say that you were 7363?!” Galion turns towards you, smiling a bit, “Yes.” “H- How?! No one lives that long!” “Elves do. Elves are immortal.” “Oh. I had no idea. That makes some sense actually.” You say, making Galion chuckle a bit. You walk to the side of him and start walking again. “So, is Thranduil a welcoming elf?” “Well, Thranduil is complicated and he has every right to be. He’s had a hard life which you can ask him about, it is not my place to tell his life story to you. There are times he can be welcoming and nice but then there are times when he can be cold and unforgiving. If you weren’t as tall as you are, he probably would’ve thought you were the offspring of a man and dwarf and thrown you in the dungeons. But he se-“ “Wait, dwarves? There are dwarves?” “Yes, they are quite short, stubborn, little things with the worst manners you’ve ever seen.” “Oh, okay. Sorry, go on.” “Thranduil seems to have taken to you. I haven’t seen him do that for a few thousand years.” “How old is Thranduil?” “7353. I am 10 years older than him.” “Wow. Oh, I have a question and you seem like the person to ask.” “What is it?” “That blonde elf that looks like Thranduil. He was like the leader of the elves that brought me in. Who is he?” “That would be Prince Legolas. Legolas is Thranduil’s son.” “So I was right! I figured they were related somehow. The silver hair and the blue eyes gave it away.” “They do look a lot alike, don’t they?” “Yes, they do. I’m guessing that Legolas is like 6000 years old?” “Oh no, not at all. He hasn’t even hit his third millennia yet. He’s still a young ellon.” “Ellon?” “It means ‘male elf’ in Sindarin. Sindarin is the language that you’ve been hearing, by the way.” “So that’s what it is! Okay, I’ve been trying to figure out what it was. Do all the elves here know English?” “English? What’s English?” “Uh, the language that we’re speaking right now.” “Oh, okay. We call it the ‘Common Tongue’ in Middle Earth.’” “Okay, got it. Do all the elves speak Common Tongue?” “Yes, all of us speak it. So, you shouldn’t have a problem with not understanding anyone. Just start speaking how we are and they should repeat what they said in the Common Tongue.” “Will they talk about me behind my back in Sindarin?” “Some of them might. But any that I or the king hears, will be shut down immediately.” “Okay, good to know.” “What will Galion and I be shutting down?” You whip your head forward, seeing that you were about to walk into King Thranduil. “Oh, um, Galion was just assuring me that the two of you will stop anyone who talks bad about me in Sindarin when I cannot even understand them.” You explain, not knowing why but feeling intimidated by the elven king. “To speak for myself, I promise you that I will not let anyone do that. It will not be tolerated in my kingdom.” Thranduil says, looking into your eyes. You stare into his beautifully blue eyes that you could get lost in just glancing at them. “I was wondering if somehow the two of you got lost and came looking for you myself.” “Y/N had just woken up and she had to get ready before I brought her to the library, my lord.” Galion answers. “Galion, how many times do I have to tell you not to be so formal when we are not around other elves?” Thranduil asks, giving one of the best eye rolls you’ve ever seen. “How many more times is it going to happen for you to realize that I’m teasing you?” Galion snarks back, smirking a little. Thranduil sighs, “I’m adding this moment to the mile long list of moments that I don’t kick you out of the kingdom when I really should.” You smile as Galion turns around and walks away while saying, “You would be lost without me, Thranduil!” “I believe it would be you that would be the lost one.” “No, I’m pretty sure it would be you considering I taught you everything you know.” Galion answers, turning a corner and going out of sight, making you laugh. “One day I’m going to kick him out of the kingdom.” “Uh huh, I’m sure you are.” You say, chuckling. “Shall we go to the library?” Thranduil asks. “Yes, we shall.” You say, starting to walk beside Thranduil. “So, why exactly am I being summoned by the king to the library?” “I was going to write the letter to the White Council asking for help to get you home but I thought that you should be there for it since you might be able to give me more information.” “Oh, well I pretty much gave you all of the information I had. I dozed off in my world before waking up at the edge of your forest.” “There was nothing else? No one else wherever you were when you dozed off?” “No, I locked all of the doors and windows of my apartment and I checked all the rooms before I went to bed.” “Well, you should still be there when I write the letter.” Thranduil says, nodding at two guards outside of two extremely large, detailed doors. The guards start opening the doors as you get closer to them. “Yeah, that’s true. It would make sense for... Wow.” You agree before trailing off as you walk into the library.

The room opened up with the tallest shelves you’ve ever seen and on either side of them are winding staircases that take you to different levels of the shelves that were full of books. It was one of the most beautiful sights you’ve ever seen. “Y/N? Are you coming?” Thranduil asks, snapping you out of your reverie. You look at him, noticing that he was a few feet in front of you as you had stopped walking to take in the view. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I’m just a big nerd and was admiring all the books.” You say, walking up to him. Thranduil just smiles and leads you farther into the library to an area with tables and chairs. “After we finish this letter, I will show you the section of books that are written in the common tongue.” You turn towards him with a look of awe on your face, “Really?” Thranduil looks back at you, amused at your love of books and nods, “I’m not sure I have much of a choice now.” You chuckle, “You don’t.” Thranduil chuckles, leading the two of you to a table that already has paper, a quill with ink, and a couple candles lit for light. You sit down on one side of the table as Thranduil sits on the other side. “Let’s get started, shall we?” Thranduil says, picking up the quill. “So, tell me again what exactly happened. Include as many details as you can.”

Translations:

Ellon- Male elf

^^ Translations will be at the top as well

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you thought about it!

Tags are OPEN for this fic and the rest of my fics!

Tags: @bluemoon102, @me-lexi20, @evyiione, @ivypage12