spotify wrapped season
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When I hit the year of my 50th birthday back in 2013... I embarked upon an artistic project of taking a self-portrait every day.... it lasted 4 years in the end, 2013 - 2016. It was all smoke and mirrors, I don't look that good in real life. It's amazing what you can do with makeup and wigs.
I also had regrets of Not having more photos from my youth in the 80s, when I ran away from every camera sadly.
I recently looked back on this project. There I discovered I was already channelling the DT Crowley and the Good Omens TV show before it even existed...lol
Some of the red wigs, there were a lot more photos, but you can see them on the videos.
Crowley really is not sure... lol... don't worry dear, I have lost the plot! I am rambling!
The videos got better, year by year so starting with year 3.
Well, my 60s look from 2014. Lol.
As a Theatrical costume person, I had a box of sunglasses and wigs to play with, along with loads of make-up.
Back in the 80s, I wanted some sunglasses that Boy George and his mate Marilyn wore in many colours... with side bits that remind me of Crowley's now... I had to wait until they came back due to Steam Punks.
I like Crowley's better than the 80s now.
(Question... Why does Crowley's snake move up and down his face in season 2... has it sauntered , vaguely downwards?)
Each day I never knew what I was going to do... I really believe ideas hover in the ether... and that's why at times people have similar ideas or influences. Don't ask me how or why... it just is!
I used many angelic things , such as feathers and wings, I also had the fake tattoos on my face... stars and black feathers with crows. Black feather and Angel necklaces, Beelzebub and Eric eyelashes, Then we have Eve eating the apple, I don't like red apples lol. We have a globe, the 1941 hat... Good Omens was so going to appeal to me, wasn't it?
I want that hat.... always wanted a hat like that, since I saw David Bowie's hats in The Man who fell to Earth.
I asked Daniel Ash of Bauhaus/ Love and Rockets/ Tones on Tail if I could use his music to use on the YouTube videos, which he gracefully allowed. Always be grateful for that. Thank you, Mr Ash.... My original Crowley influence, but that essay is coming.
Year 4 of the arty project is on my arty FB page, but I used a friend's music, which I am not so keen on now, and I need to redo with Daniel Ash music... as it works better for me.... and keeps to the theme.
I got carried away and got very arty with this one.... which is a mish mash of the images.
Hope you enjoy my ramblings. It's good to get that off my mind's hard drive...
Next!
What will I compare Good Omens to next? Who the hell knows? Not me?
Link to my Arty FB page.
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wait i am really intrigued with your versions of the suitehearts i love the designs and seeing your take on them so please infodump about them to me about this obscure fob au that i’ve been insane about for years
It is now time for my long ass ( my version of the ) suitehearts masterpost * wiggles fingers *
Keep in mind!!!
So basically first things first, my versions of ‘em are Completely different characters. Some draw/view the suitehearts as fob in silly costumes ( which is super chill ) but my versions are very different. So when I say “ Benzedrine is a repressed gay wizard obsessed with abba“ I am in no ways implying that Patrick is a repressed gay wizard obsessed with abba. There are some similarities between people but it is never intentional. ( also I’m constantly changing stuff nothings set in stone lol )
Da world!
The world is kinda like a purgatory, everyone there has died but could move to another plane. Thusly there are people from all different decades. Magic is very common here, a lot of people can do small basic spells. But it takes years of practice to become a wizard, and decades to become a good one. There are 5 main,,, species? Races? I’m not quite sure how to label em. But we have:
your average human, nothing really of note here
elemental benders ( they are born with a cavity in their chest relating to what “ element “ they control. Some control water some Disco music! )
Pixies/sprites, they usually have abnormal colored skin, pointy ears, and the ability to float around. They naturally have good connection with spirits and can summon them when needed ( if they’re good at it )
Angels, they’re naturally fun colors, have magical hair, and vaguely cow like ears?. Angles can use their magic to make themselves look like normal humans tho. They usually live together and provide comfort for people. But there has been a rebellion happening and now a lot of angels try and live life not for the sole service of others but now for themselves ( is allegory 4 womanhood moment )
And then of course furries xoxo
Now the reason you even started reading this, info about the suitehearts!
Dr. benzedrine is vaguely narcissistic and full of himself, but in an oddly charming way. Personality wise hes a mixture of howl ( hmc ) without Any of the swauve, mostly just the dramatics, and aziraphale ( good omens ). Hes a middle aged man who Will Not admit hes gay, he is Incredibly repressed. He was apart of the huge royal academy of wizards, best one they’d ever had. But had a falling out with the leader in charge and now just has his own little wizard store. He befriended Donnie at a little diner because he made a reference to a Kate bush or Fiona apple song, or something or other. Him and sandman do Not get along, sandman often visits the store just to annoy him. But they have more similarities than they know, they just need to stop bitching at eachother!
( also he was born like 5’ something but the spirits in charge of transferring people to this plane were like “ I’d be mad funny if we made him really short he’d be so mad “ )
He is my autistic little meow meow 😔🙏
Horseshoe has a regal flowyness to him, semi-oblivious to his own charm, and loves to dance the night away. When everyone around him is disheveled and falling apart, he still manages to look fantastic. He appears to be the dumb blonde of the group, which he definitely doesn't mind and loves to indulged in the trope. ( he may not know where or even what Sweden is but at least hes pretty ) But he is a deeply creative person, and that in its own special way shows an intelligence. He works at a small local craft store ( bcus then he gets first dibs on all the cool new art supplies :D ) he is an angel, but chooses to focus his little magical power on constantly disguising himself cus he doesn’t wanna be bothered lol.
Donnie is very nurturing and kind, yet extremely energetic and bubbly, think kinda like,,, super sweet valleygirl. He’s slightly based off YouTuber Garret watts. He is very big solid guy. He has a bit of a problem with feeling like he Needs to take care of everyone, like it’s job ( he’s workin through it in therapy ) Like I mentioned there are people who are like elemental benders, Donnie is one of them. He has a little terrarium with either a mushroom or a daisy, and can make vines grow from his hands and legs. Donnie is also autistic ( heavily based on my experiences with it, he’s also just kinda heavily based off of me ) He's from da 60s, during the whole hippy thing.
Sandman is your typical bitchy mallgoth, who goes around calling everyone a " poser" and everything " poser shit " they put up a bitchy angry front but deep down theyre an insecure sensitive little guy. Sandman is a Pixie so that means they can summon these ( usless ) spirit guys ( they’re not very good at it ) shes also kinda Super into typical """ cringey """ stuff from 2015 ( ie undertale, fnaf, the lving tombstone, mlp ) Sandman is semi kinda not really it’s complicated openly non-binary, but still seems to repress quite a bit and just push away all deeper feelings. I thought it would be interesting to experiment with a character who is a trans femme gay guy, kinda like a reverse trans masc lesbian I guess. Idk lol don’t get mad at me
Anything else kiddo?
The format id choose to express this story would def be a movie. Uhhh… I can’t really think of much else right now, but feel free to ask questions I luv talking about em :3
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I feel like those references are so vague that I don’t even think the GP will catch on (if they even are about T). Also don’t think it’s big enough for T to even care about. Idk.
Side note and no hate to Olivia for this, but is it just me or does she kind of use phrases/lines that Taylor has had in her songs as well? This all feels a little weird to me
oh i hope you're right because i feel like the internet immediately decided who and what that song was about! i would love for them both to do something that puts this feud narrative to rest. it's just misogynistic when you boil it down.
i know what you mean and i find lots of parallel themes and imagery in olivia and taylor's songs but i think that's because these are experiences that young women go through. i have never had the feeling that olivia has copied taylor in any way. i've always felt that olivia writes about her own authentic experiences, and those experiences were similar to things taylor also went through. it's part of what makes both of their music so relatable and cathartic and beloved. LOTS of us have gone through, if not the same exact situation, very similar emotional experiences. and the way they write about them leaves room for listeners to interpret them how they will.
i've seen a lot of discourse today saying things like "has the world forgotten alanís morrisette existed? and fiona apple? joni mitchell and carly simon?" it's in response to certain groups who seem to insist that taylor invented the female experience (and was the first to write songs about it) and olivia is just copying her. yes, taylor changed the industry and the world in a lot of ways, but there were others who came before her. it seems that some people have a very limited exposure to artists, and history, and narrow views tend to result in drama.
several blogs i follow will often post thematic or lyrical parallels between taylor and other artists' songs, and it's always done in a loving, analytical way, exploring possible meaning and illuminate the listener's experience of the songs. it's never a criticism of copying. and that's how i feel when i notice parallels between tay and liv's songs. i have been wanting to point out the thematic similarities between vampire and dear john but i've been kind of afraid to draw any comparisons because of the negativity directed at olivia these days :( but it's so fascinating!! and maybe instead of criticizing, people could start saying "hey, why does this kind of thing keep happening to vulnerable young girls.... maybe we should do something about this..."
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hi hii!! sending some hugs and asks your way💖🌷
Candy Apple: How do you think others view you?
Macaroni and Cheese: What makes you think of your childhood?
Eggplant: Explain your url and avatar.
Candy Apple: How do you think others view you?
the best way to gauge how other people view you is to ask someone you're not very familiar with - maybe a friend of a friend, a classmate you've had lunch with a few times - to sign something of yours, like a yearbook or a t-shirt. most of the time they'll want to make it a bit personalized but they have to go off their vague first impression of you. in my case, what I always get is "positive, always in a good mood, and funny". soooo yeah <3
Macaroni and Cheese: What makes you think of your childhood?
Soooo many things? I am never not thinking about my childhood, not in an angsty way (for the most part), I'm just a child at heart. random things in bulk: seashells, early-morning disney channel runs, long car rides in the basque country, clouds, that one cough syrup that tasted like strawberry and i'd pretend i was sick just to have some, handstands in water, pokémon, rosaries, agatha christie books
Eggplant: Explain your icon and url.
Ohhh I'm always getting asked that! my icon is bang chan from stray kids <3 he was assigned to me in a dream Olive had (wish i could make this up) and i had Never heard of skz before but every day i am blown away by how aggressively accurate that random vibecheck was because he and I are sooooo similar it hurts. we have similar personalities, similar humor, similar mannerisms, similar interests and honestly i wish he would stop copying me like i know he's obsessed w me or whatever but he doesnt have to make it SO obvious
as for my url, a lot of people have super different interpretations of it despite me thinking it's actually pretty obvious? But it's a portmanteau of music (or musical) and callisto, which is my favorite celestial body. it's one of jupiter's galilean moons (jupiter IV) and she is so beautiful, even more so in person through a telescope. i could go on about like the ~symbolisms~ of why I like her (because she has an underground ocean that may harbor life, because her surface is the oldest and most heavily cratered object in the solar system—she is so saturated that any new crater replaces an old one—but those craters and bumps are what makes her shine so, like a miniature version of the cosmos itself) but mostly, at the time I came up with it, I just thought it sounded nice. besides, her mythological counterpart is very beloved to me. So yeah, at the end of the day musicallisto is just me conjoining three of the most important motifs in my writing: music/sound, space/sky, and myth/folklore. <3
look at her. doesn't she look like a starry sky herself?
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most of my theories are surrounding kazui because he's my favourite prisoner (if you can't tell)
right first off - his "sin". At first I assumed it was cheating from the half music video because, wow that was vague, but now with cat and his new voice drama I don't think so anymore. I have 3 working theories
1. He's gay and married to meet societal expectations
2. He's aroallo and married to meet societal expectations
3. he just simply never loved her and married to meet societal expectations
Ranked that in order of likeliness because tbh I feel like the last one wouldn't give as much of dept to his character as the other two and I think milgram has a running theme of "they did a bad thing BUT" blah blah blah with the prisoners and no.3 kinda just makes him seem like an asshole for not telling her sooner.
So: No.1 and No.2
Both of my reasonings for thinking so are very similar, the lyrics about acting and "why can't I be normal?" would fit for both. If he's gay/aromatic he'd be 'different' then what society expects of him. The apple = sin imagery (atleast that's how I've interpreted it) would fit for being gay, and the lyrics about how he "just wanted to touch and caress" could hint that he only wanted a physical relationship (or that he's aromantic) and kinda just dug himself into a hole so he could fit society's expectations (I could go alot more indept but I don't wanna bombard you)
Then there's the whole question of how his wife actually died, and again I've got two main theories
1. She hung herself
2. Kazui pushed her off a balcony
For No.1 the chair constantly appearing in Half could point to that, also the fact that based on his voice dramas it seems he never actually killed her with his hands but No.2 also has some evidence behind it aswell.
We know he's strong enough to defeat Kotoko, he probably wouldn't have a problem with pushing his wife in terms of strength. When Kazui is bent towards the chair in Half there's imagery of a balcony in the distance, and in Cat at the end when Kazui 'eats' the dove his wife immediately falls and the apple splats on the ground. If they were arguing after Kazui told her the truth and things got heated, he would be able to overpower her. Also right before his wife falls his shadow is standing behind her rather,, omenicingly (that's probably spelt wrong)
then I have two more kinda throw away theories
1. The line at the end of Cat - "Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade" kind of sounds like Kazui is asking the audience to vote him innocent/forgiven. If we "oppose his punishment", we'll see the true Kazui in his 3rd Trial? The "King of the Masquerade"?? Maybe.
2. Shidou's family died in a car crash he caused/ he was driving when it happened. This is definitely reaching but look his answer about driving in the Q&A's feels very off okay. It would kind of make sense too,, if someone in his family needed blood or an organ or something it could be reason enough in his eyes to purposefully fail surgeries (assuming that's his crime)
Thats all, I like to think about imagery and symbolism more than actually theorising (leave that to the smarter pros) so I don't have many. Good day
I know that after a discussion about Valentine's Day is by far the worst time to post this specifically, but I finally caught up and I don't want to leave this any longer, so before I forget;
(I know some of you aren't here to see milgram theories, so I'll tag it and hide it under the cut)
Now that I've finally watched Cat, I really wanted to put together a full complete theory I was pretty confident on, but I've spent hours thinking about this trainwreck of a man, and I still got nothing - here's how much theory I wrote on Kazui after watching Cat, and I still don't know shit
Everything about him is so contradictory; after Shidou's second MV I feel as though I have a theory that I think explains everything from both Trial 1 and 2 - his MVs, his voice dramas, all of it - so I'd really hoped I could do the same with Kazui, but he's such a hot mess that I've really been struggling to even wrap my head around everything we've seen so far.
Just from what we were shown in Undercover, I don't think that it's a stretch to assume that Kazui's wife took her own life by jumping from the balcony - but that's about the only thing I'm even remotely confident in.
We know that Kazui apparently spent his marriage - and most of his life - hiding some big secret that we don't know about, and there's a lot of evidence that would support the idea that the secret he was hiding was that he's gay; he talks about trying to live as himself, the 'way he was born' - even the title of his MV, 'Cat', could be a reference to how apparently in Japanese slang 'neko' can refer to a bottom in a gay relationship, as opposed to 'tachi', which means top.
But his second voice drama really threw me - it heavily implies that Kazui has a previous history of violence that he's potentially been trying to leave in the past, and if that was the big secret he was hiding, it would explain a lot of the things that don't quite seem to fit the 'Kazui is gay' theory - but Cat doesn't really support that idea, so I don't know how much water it holds.
And then there's the woman in Half, who, given that she has a detailed face, must be important to him - but she hasn't been mentioned since.
So yeah, I have no idea what to do with this man lol
I've also been thinking a lot about that line from Cat you mentioned - 'Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade' - and I think it's meant to be a metaphor comparing Kazui and Es (and by extension, the audience) to cats grooming each other; basically, like one cat cleaning another, we're washing away his sin to justify an innocent verdict, even though we're not even close to seeing the real him.
It's more or less the same sentiment Yuno expressed in her voice drama - because we (the audience) want to believe Kazui is a good person, we're manufacturing scenarios that let us be sympathetic to him, even though there's no evidence to base those theories on.
All in all, the only thing I'm sure of is that I'm terrified of how little we still know about Kazui.
(Though to be fair, I'm way more terrified by the fact that we're most of the way through Trial 2 and we still don't know where Kotoko managed to find a baseball bat in the magic murder prison.)
Anyway, those are my initial thoughts - either way, Cat's a jam and it's been living rent-free in my head all day <3
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Birds Of A Feather
Summary: Traveler/Venti. When the traveler starts acting a bit suspicious with all of their gifts Venti can’t help but be both flustered and amused. (Honestly this is just both crack and pure fluff)
A/N: Can be read as Reader, Aether, or Lumine. They are kept vague and gender neutral so have fun!
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The traveler was acting strange. Not that he minded the traveler was always a bit odd, always climbing and running around without a care in the world. Like last week when they climbed to the top of the cathedral instead of using the stairs inside or the week before that when they leaped off Starsnatch Cliff to that strange island instead of using a boat.
Yes the traveler was always a bit odd, but their most recent behavior was just suspicious.
At first it was nothing unusual, just an apple or a meal nothing too big whenever they met for commissions. Then they started bringing him food everyday no matter where they were or how far they always made sure he had something to eat. It was sweet really, he hasn’t been this well fed since he was a little Anemo Sprite when just a simple apple could sate his appetite for days. He sort of misses those days but he’s grateful for this form because life was hard without thumbs.
Next it was the flowers. A few flowers here and there whenever they were out and about. One flower became two and two became ten and soon he was receiving bouquets of flowers from all over. That is until slowly those bouquets became full of cecilias. He’s not entirely sure but it might’ve been because he let it slip that the cecilias they had offered during the Windblume to him- or rather Barbatos were his favorite flower. Venti makes a few flower crowns but he’s sure that if he really wanted he could make a few flower blankets with how many flowers he’s received.
Then that’s when things started getting a bit more strange: the traveler started giving him rocks. Stones and gems of various sizes, shapes, and colors but all very, very pretty and very, very shiny. He wasn’t complaining they were all rather nice but he’s no Morax and cares very little for the qualities of stones. He also just doesn’t get how such things change their taste. A rock is just a rock to him.
But he does take quite a liking to the turquoise colored stones and gems and makes a new necklace to wear. Venti takes note that the traveler seems to beam when he sees him wearing the vayuda turquoise they brought him and begins bringing him more of those. As soon as they leave he rushes to hide away the extras he has in old Mondstat where Dvalin can keep them safe.
Then they made him a little place inside their teapot. A little vineyard to make his own wine, a lovely park to play music and relax, and his own bedroom where he can rest his weary head whenever he likes. Again, he’s not complaining that bed was the softest place he’s slept in in centuries and all these other lovely places inside the teapot were fantastic too, it was all just so nice and a bit overwhelming.
But the final straw was when he saw an open book in the Traveler’s library covering the courting rituals of Teyvats birds that he had to speak up. Scooping up the book he heads straight for their room down the hall. He had known the traveler had wings like himself but they were sealed away, he could sense it. But to find out they were trying to court him like a bird and that it was working made his face flush.
He knocks twice before opening the door ignoring their panicked cry of “Wait!”
Looking up he sees the traveler frozen still in a twirling pose. At their feet appear to be chalk dance steps drawn about the floor in various patterns. But upon getting a better look at what they’re wearing he’s stunned to find them in an outfit similar to his. The teals and whites of the outfit are very appealing and they look very, very attractive and he is cursing his bird brain because now he doesn’t remember what he was going to say and why are they so attractive?!
The metronome on the desk ticks and tacks as they stare at each other both equally flustered. But Venti breaks the silence with his laughter and rushes into the room dropping the book to take their hands into his twirling them around. The traveler join in his laughter when Venti questions their actions and they try to defend themselves
“You know you could have just asked me on a date, right?”
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Edited: 12/15/2021
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Hi! First of all, I wanted to let you know that your writing makes my heart melt! All of your works are as funny as they are incredible, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with your blog!
If it’s okay to request, could you write something about the boys having to dance with the reader? And when they do, they start to catch feelings for the reader but don’t realize it? If it’s okay, of course ♡ have a good day!! And please, take all the time you need if you write it!
Masterlist
If I had a nickel for every time some one requested a detailed scenario where you can dance with Link, I'd have two nickels.
Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
I should have known there were those who yearn. (And I listened to the song you referenced anon, and it's nice but I personally like Sam Smith's version better.)
But yes, I'll see what I can do.
Part 1 will include Warrior, Sky and Four
Content under the cut!
Warrior
Warrior wasn’t sure why the princess thought that throwing a party for the hero was considered a good thing.
Or at least not without warning them about it first.
He supposed she was just excited to invite heroes of the ears into her home and wanted them to feel that at least their efforts were appreciated.
But he hated this.
And Link knew he wasn’t the only one to think so if the looks of his companions were anything to go by.
But even as he makes his rounds amongst the elite, the fake and the genuine, he tried to make sure that his friends were at least have a comfortable time. He wanted them to know that they didn’t have to keep a face like he did amongst this group so if they wanted to have fun and dance and eat then they could.
They were guests in his home as well.
But no matter where he looked and no matter how many rounds he made, he noticed that were nowhere to be found.
Confused, he ventured outside the venue.
And as he looking for you, he just sees a silhouette against the moon light on top of one of the decorative rocks out in the middle of the rose bush maze.
There was no one else around and then again the guards and people were too drunk and joyful to notice someone breaking the ground rules of conduct or if they noticed, they simply did not care.
He makes his way toward the shadow and stalls for a moment when you look his way.
The way the light hit your frame seemed delicate and ethereal with an otherworldly glow to your hair and skin. The royal purple garb they gave you as a gift for not having anything suitable to wear to the party hugged your curves and angles in all the right ways. Someone must have offered you some jewelry to go with it because he doesn’t remember you having the gold necklace and matching head piece that pulls your hair back into a crown of curls tat frame your face in a divine manner.
Link found himself unable to breath for a second.
You smile and say, “I’m just taking in some air.”
“Not enjoying the party?” He blurts, worried for a moment that you’ve been uncomfortable this entire time... by yourself.... away from everyone.... just sitting in the darkness with the sounds of music and laughter in the background.
“It felt weird to be at a heroes party when I myself- am not a hero.” You shrug and lean back casually on the rock. “Here to drag me back Capitan?”
Warrior blinks and registers the change of pace in the music and will deny to the end of his life where he found the nerve to do what he does next.
He smoothly places the his cup of lightly bubbled alcohol on one of the lower rocks and holds out his hand to you. “Dance with me. Just once.”
You blink and also tune into the music behind the two of you.
It’s a slow dance.
You gradually smile and reach out to him, pulling yourself from the rocks surface and into his arms. “Just one dance.”
Warrior tries to hide the gulp that threatens to noticeably bob his Adam’s apple and places his hands on your waist and holds your hand respectfully. “Have you danced before?”
“Technically.” You answer and place your own hands in his and on his shoulder, pulling yourself closer to him. “I while I know how to dance with the elite, it’s just never been my scene.”
“I know how you feel.” Warrior takes the leads and guides you through the steps of the song. He’s been through countless hours of training for battle- and not those that end in bloodshed- but those that take place in the ball room with the nobles and high end society that would have one looked at him scorn and distaste.
He doesn’t blame you for wanting to get away.
But he does want you to enjoy yourself... if only a little bit.
The steps come naturally to him and he takes a moment to spin you around before you trip over your own feet.
A small giggle escapes your lips as you twirl and send the fabric billowing around you.
Warrior is struck stupid by the sight and almost steps off beat with the music. He’s quick to correct himself but he seemed to have your laughter on his mind on repeat.
“I’d stay out here with you if I could.” He admits as he repositions himself against you, trying to lead you away from the rose thorns and the maze itself so neither of you get caught up in it. “But unfortunately my disappearance won’t go unnoticed for long.”
“Oh...” You blink and look up into his eyes. “I suppose you really only have time for one dance, huh?”
He’s unprepared by how disappointed you sound and it would appear so are you with how quick you try to cover it up.
“It’s fine! You’re an important figure here, I guess it’s only natural that every one would want your attention. I hope you enjoy the party though. Unlike me, you deserve the recognition.” You smile genuinely but your eyes look like they’re trying to get some unknown message across.
“If I can somehow get away again-” Warrior rushes to keep your smile there and to include you in the collective joy the party was supposed to bring. “-Will you save another dance for me?”
You hum and tap you finger to you chin in thought. “It hasn’t been that bad being out here by myself...”
Warrior really hopes that you let him dance with you again even when you pull apart to the end of the music.
But you grin and reach up to boop his nose with the same finger. “Alright soldier boy, since you asked so nicely I’ll save the last dance just for you.”
Warrior laughs a little breathlessly and has to force himself to step away from you. He hopes to any and all who can hear them that’s he’s not actually blushing right now. “Ok. I’ll be back then.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Sky
Sky was sure that every one was having a great time.
The music was loud and energetic and his friends were all off doing their own thing while the festival was in full motion.
It was a celebration for the people’s loftwings since it was usually the time of the year that they left their rider’s side- presumably to go lay their eggs for the next generation of riders.
But it was all fun and games for everyone involved.
Wind and Four seemed to be in a highly competitive match of toss the sack with Twilight being the point keeper on the other end. Wild and Hyrule were busy enjoying the food and no doubt collecting the recipes (Sky was hoping that Wild would make the food so he was no way inclined to stop him). Time and Warrior were off in a corner, talking to each other with a cup in each of their hands. Legend stood next to them without a cup but he seemed to be more interested in the décor and loftwings themselves.
But you...
Sky stopped walking along the ribbon perimeter and looked over to you.
You were by yourself... You didn’t particularly happy..
And that just won’t stand.
With subtle determination, he marches over to you and taps your shoulder.
You seem to blink back into the present and raise an eyebrow to him in return.
He can see the question on your lips just as you’re about to say it so he juts his head into he direction of the dance area with a simple hand out in your direction.
He hopes his intentions are clear.
You eye his hand and snap your mouth shut with a soft click. Sky gulps suddenly, a strange bout of nervousness attempting to choke his system as you take your time to think about his offer.
Sky would never force you to do something that you don’t want to do but really (and he has no idea where this urge comes from) wants to dance with you.
Just once.
Just once to see you smile and enjoy yourself.
To see you happy.
You place your hand in his, soft and small and so much different than his own. “Lead the way, Boy Wonder.”
You smile and he returns your gesture, gently pulling you toward the open area as the next song starts. It’s light and airy and it’s enough to keep you moving even if you both stall for a minute to just sway side to side in each others arms.
Sky didn’t know that he’d feel so whole and accomplished by just holding you.
Emboldened by the tune of the events, Sky takes a step back and twirls you around as the music flows up and down again just in time to bring you back into his arms.
You laugh. “Perfect timing.”
“I do try.” Sky winks.
You giggle to yourself with a small shake of your head but you keep swaying with Sky across the dance floor.
The music comes to an end and Sky does his best gentleman’s bow as he lets go of you completely- even if he finds that he doesn’t want to. “An absolute honor to dance with you.”
The music starts up again in a similar tune but all he would have to settle for is just one dance. It’s all he’s comfortable with asking from you.
“Sky wait.” You blurt.
He turns around to see that... well you seemed to have startled yourself as well.
“I um..” You bite your lip and vaguely gesture to the musicians in the distance. “They’re not done.”
Sky smirks a little. “But the song is.”
“I uh... Just one more dance?” You hold your hand out to him this time and he stares in shock.
Not for long though.
He’s quick to place his hand in your and pull himself back to you. “I’d love to.”
Four
Four was excited to show everyone around the Festival of Fools. It was his favorite time of the year where everyone got to be silly and destress and play and eat and dance.
Four had always run around trying to do what he could never get away with on a typical day but right now he had to make sure his traveling companion didn’t actually burn the town down.
He loved them but he’d lying if he said that he wasn’t just the tiniest concerned over their facial expressions when he said that anything goes really- no laws but those of the people apply today.
Which made him the temporary babysitter for some of the more rowdy ones.
But he had lost sight of you a while ago.
Not that he was concerned or anything but... He did want to spend time with you.
The festival doesn’t happen everyday and he knew that there would only be so many days left that he’d be able to spend with the group and even less so that they’d be given a chance to relax and unwind.
That thought urged him forward to find you.
If only to make sure that you were having a good time.
He had found you by the food court where you munched on a meat stick and watched as the people came and go.
You looked bored.
Now Four knew that parties weren’t entirely your scene and you weren’t the kind of person to go and throw yourself into the middle of it all.
That being said it still rubbed him the wrong way when you looked like you would rather be anywhere but there.
He oughta do something about it.
Just across the street a band had begun playing music for the people to dance to, now that they’ve usually had their fill for lunch.
Four saw you look over and smile, basking in the edges of their amplified joy and amusement.
He grinned and ran over to you, tugging your hand into his own and pulling you close to him. “Dance with me!”
“Wha- Four? Where’d you come from?” You dropped the finished stick in shock and followed him as he dragged you to the open space just beyond the food cart.
“I live here.” He laughed and spun you around. “Just one dance!”
“I- but- Four!” You dug your heels into the dirt and stopped the both of you from reach the destination. “I can’t dance! I- I’ve never danced.”
Four turns to look at you and smiles encouragingly. “Just let loose, it’s easy. There’s no right way to move, you just do. Just feel the music and my lead.”
You bite your lip and Four takes the moment of hesitation to pull you forward again. you let him and soon find yourself on a dirt arena with lively music and people all around you.
“Don’t let go of my hand ok?” Four grins.
You find yourself grinning as well and soon you’re both spinning and jumping and leaping and twirling around each other to the beat of music.
It’s fast and fun and within moments on simply holding onto Four you find yourself laughing uncontrollably as he throws you around like a rag doll in which ever way he likes.
He’s stronger than you imagined him to be but then again... He’s a blacksmith.
It shouldn’t be all that surprising.
Somehow in the midst of it, he throws you in the air and over his head, catching you in a spin and letting you catch your breath and the music dies down and another begins.
“You ok?” Four asks, a little breathless himself. He doesn’t think he’s heard you laugh so hard or for so long.
It’s nice.
“That was fun!” You managed to say in between your giggles.
Four’s grin widened and even if he knows it’s not your style.... and he only asked for one, he holds his hand out again just in time for the next crescendo to begin.
You look up and look at him and his hand...
You don’t hesitate to put your hand in his and he pulls you close to him again.
You spin and laugh and jump and twirl well into the night, completely forgetting about the others until you have to turn in for the night.
Four’s feet hurt by the end of it and he’s exhausted but to see and hear you smile and laugh and enjoy yourself in what is arguably his favorite time of year was completely worth it.
He hopes that he can spend more time with you... He hopes for just one more dance before it all ends.
Part 2
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///SPOILERS
Centaurworld S2E4 notes
Oh boy oh boy, what an ep! I loved the stabby&durpleton subplot and horse's insecurities being explored! The moletaur&co recruitment subplot was okay, but not that kind of fun.
Undergroundtaurs & Worldbuilding
So. Did moletaurs (and other underground taurs) just always could get from one world to the other? How does that work?? Is it because of the opened portal?
(Tbh Comfortable Doug could somehow dig through an ice plate that floated on the water. So i guess he can teleport or something?)
Headcanon: Comfortable Doug is actually just really good at magic and thats why he can do all the stuff he does and he will probably be the next moletaur shaman
You know why Horse is not good for recruitment? Because she doesn't understand centaurs' logic and culture. She tries to go about this as if you would in real world, but this the centaurworld, world of wacky magic taurs who work by the rules of cartoons and musicals! That's why Zulius, Glendale and Wammawink are better at this job, bc they live by this world's rules and understand other centaurs better than Horse ever can.
It still kinda flies over my head why no one cares about the war? They are not invincible or something, look at Wammawink's village
Horse
I love how exited Horse gets every time she finds out that insert character/group can do insert wacky thing. "We can use this to our strategic advantage!!"
So. Horse found out about Becky Apples and the feelings of betrayal and insecurity kicked in (and mixed with her growing doubts about her usefulness and whether it was necessary for her leave Rider... oof, she goes off the rails)
Also i think her emotional episode counts as one of the reason she's probably not that suitable for the job of recruiting an army.
Also haven't she already had a realisation that Zulius and Glendale are better for the job previous ep? She could have still tried to recruit people, but a little comment like "i don't need help, i know what i am doing" or something to show the continuity of her conflict about that
And the song where she and Wammawink sing directly admits that Horse doesn't know Becky Apples and has no actual reason to hate her (just like Wammawink with Jeffrica(?)). That's good. The song and the comment.
Though they do not say or imply that there is no actual evidence that Rider "betrayed" Horse. This is war after all and Rider still needs a horse and Horse is not available now.
And placing Wammawink's situation next to Horse's is kinda weird on Wammawink's/writer's part. Firstly, she/they compare a romantic relationship with a human-pet friendship; you don't need at approval to be friends with other people, but in a romantic relationship - yes. Secondly, there is a comment from Wammawink's part about that it's sketchy on Merguy's part to be so flirty with another girl whole he is still in a relationship (maybe they are poly, who knows). Could this imply that Rider is at fault for getting a new horse?
Also! This could be intentional. Wammawink's eagerness to compare her situation to Horse's is treated as weird after all. And it probably will influence Horse's view on the situation on the future? We'll see.
The trashtaurs were mentioned! The only group Horse inspired all by herself. Does this mean they work on a different logic from other centaurs and their mindset is more similar to Horse's? Horse absolutely hates that the only ones she could recruit are little diseased, kinda mentally unstable, trash centaurs. Buuut.. what if they could be used as a narrative tool and as Horse realises that trashtaurs are useful, she makes similar realisations about herself and her own relationships.
Wammawink
Tbh, when the song about Becky Apples started at first i thought Wammawink would compare the situation to her own insecurities about being Horse's friend and "rivaling" Rider (using really vague language and/or aliases). Since this conflict of hers was established in the previous eps? Kinda a bummer we didn't get a development for this conflict and instead added more stuff on the growing pile of Wammawink's insecurities.
And since we mentioned Jeffrica(?), she and Wammawink are the only llamataur that we have seen. And llamataurs seem to have suffered a lot of damage from the war. Just, i dunno, wish we had a scene about that? Make Jeffrica(?) a character and have her and Wammawink just talk like normal people?
Durpleton & Stabby
I love how the gag of "Durpleton us babying a grown lizard man ha ha" turned into an actual conflict
Stabby called Durpleton his legal guardian awwww 🥺
I love how hard Durpleton tries to be a good caring dad, since it was implied that his parents weren't so great (aka "durpledropping him all the time" and that verbally abusive farting gag i wish to forget about)
"I was saying all the things that a dad supposed to say"
Stabby got cartoonified! Just like Horse in s1! So this can work on minotaurs too... I wonder if the reverse is possible in Horse's world...
The little reprises they have of Horse's and Rider's songs! I just can't they are so precious 😖
Also! Is their relationship a parallel to Horse's and Rider's then? Maybe even a foreshadowing of their reconciliation?👀
Miscellaneous
The birdtaurs are following them! I was getting worried that the show is going to forget about the already recruited taurs after their titular eps end
Comfortable Doug is so extra, i love him🥰
Ched trying to rescue Gary from prison was his most compelling "subplot" so far (probably because it was just 3 gags)
The hole size debate is so weird ghfdhmc like, you are all different sizes?? thus need different sizes of holes??
The song about holes slaps tho
That ending😢 Poor Horse noooo😭
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Shinya [Drums] Interview
Our fourth solo interview is with Shinya, who is the foundation of the band. Shinya has been focusing on simple phrasing and groove in recent years, so how did he approach his latest album "Oboro"?
Basically I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind and I don't worry about it.
-It seems that the songwriting process started very early on, but did you have the new album in mind from the beginning?
Shinya: That's right. I've been working on the songs for the new album. So we decided to release a single, and we talked about which of our existing songs we should release as a single, and "Oboro" was chosen.
-In your case, I personally feel that you've always written songs with a lot of energy or beauty. When you were thinking about the album, what kind of ideas and images did you have in your mind in the early stages of composition?
Shinya:I didn't really think about it before I wrote the song, I just started writing it, and as a result, I couldn't write anything but intense stuff.
-When you say "intense," do you mean songs with a fast BPM?
Shinya: That's right.
-There are several ways to compose a song, how did you do it this time?
Shinya: Recently, I've been using a plug-in guitar instrument that I really like. It has a lot of heavy sounds in it, so I just play it and think about what I want to do.
-What kind of composition system do you currently have at home? It is known to your fans that you are an Apple fanatic, and you seem to be changing to the latest version every year. Do you use the same kind of system for your compositions?
Shinya: It's the other way around, I'm very minimalistic now. I only use one laptop for composing.
-Do you want to install all your DTM software on the computer?
Shinya: That's right. I don't play guitar anymore when I write songs, so I've removed the audio interface. It's a very compact period.
-At the time of this writing, you are touring the country with the "Meguro Rokumeikan Gig", but if you take that computer with you, you can compose music in your dressing room?
Shinya: If I wanted to, I could, but I don't think I will (laughs).
-Did it change the way you came up with the ideas and the process of shaping the songs?
Shinya: That's right. When I used to compose, I used to play my guitar at home and write riffs by myself. But now I don't have a guitar and I'm working on it, so I think the guitar phrases I make have changed.
-So the intense songs you wrote were not chosen for the single, but do you have any plans to make it into the album?
Shinya: The song wasn't selected when it was written, so it was probably rejected (laughs).
-That's not something to say while laughing (laughs). By the way, Shinya, you're the type of person who actively goes to see other people's live performances. I think the main reason is because it's your favorite band or artist, but I also think that seeing a live performance can stimulate you in terms of calligraphy and creative therapy. Now that I have become a member of Corona, I can no longer go to live concerts, and DIR EN GREY has almost completely stopped performing. What do you do for musical input in such a situation?
Shinya: Hmmm... I don't think so at the moment (laughs). Especially when it comes to music.
-Do you ever go through various albums and videos by yourself?
Shinya: No, I don't. I just use what I have inside me right now.
-Shinya's musical tastes are well known to his fans, but is there anything new that has resonated with you during this composing process?
Shinya: Hmmm... I haven't explored anything new in the other solutions.
-Did you go back to your roots and what you like?
Shinya: No, I didn't think about that too much, I just made the songs naturally.
-How did you spend your time at stay home, as a musician and as an individual?
Shinya: I was doing nothing but editing videos (laughs). That's why I was spending most of my time on my YouTube channel.
-I've been watching it for a while now, and I'm also a subscriber to the channel, so please answer me politely (laughs).
Shinya: Oh, thank you very much (laughs).
-Of course it's fun to do, but is there anything exciting about it?
Shinya: When I was working on it, I thought that it was very similar to songwriting. You can keep working on it, and it never ends.
-If you want to be particular, you can go all the way.
That's right, even for a single video, there are endless things you can do.
-The timing of inserting a subtitle, the choice of font, etc.
Shinya: Yes, yes (laughs). Once you start paying attention to the details, there's really no end to it. It's similar to songwriting..
-Is Shinya the type of person who spends a lot of time focusing on various aspects of a song, even when he's writing it individually?
Shinya : With DIR EN GREY, I always bring the original songs to the studio before I've finished them. I know that as the members' ideas come in, it will definitely change from the shape I've created. That's why I don't go into too much detail (laughs), I only make it to a certain point because it's going to change anyway. I try to make it so that the members can understand the side of the song.
-You said that when you select songs in the band, you don't know who wrote which song. Do you ever get feedback from the band members afterwards?
Shinya: I was asked afterwards about the songs I wrote this time. "That's Shinya's song." Then, he said, "Oh, I liked it."
-So you've had that conversation? If you listen to the demo, do you know who made it?
Shinya: Yes, you're right. Yes, I don't have a definitive answer, but I can vaguely tell.
-Although it wasn't adopted, it's nice to be told that it's your favourite song.
Shinya: Well...yes, but the song selection is a majority decision.
-There are always multiple layers to a song, but each time you're inspired to write a new song from a different angle?
Shinya: No, I don't have any particular plans at the moment, since I'm in the middle of an explosive screening (laughs ). Once the songwriting starts again, I'm sure I'll be motivated like you said. I still have my computer with me, but I'm not writing songs, I'm collecting videos (laughs).
-That's a good point (laughs). You've been working on the album for a long time, what do you hope to achieve with it?
Shinya: Up until now, I've been thinking of songs that can evolve in a live setting, but this time, even if we make an album, we don't know if we will be able to perform live or tour like we have in the past. So I've been thinking about it with that situation in mind.
-In other words, rather than evolving through live performances, do you have a sense of construction that evolves completely during the production process?
Shinya: Well, to put it simply, it's a nuance.
-Do you want to take a different approach to the drums?
Shinya: No, when it comes to drum phrases, I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind. I don't worry about it too much.
-What was your impression of this single, "Oboro", when you heard the original song?
Shinya: Well... I was working on several songs at the same time, and I don't remember what the original "Oboro" song sounded like.
-Were the other songs that you were arranging and pre-producing at the same time too strong for you?
Shinya: It was all very strong. The drum approach for "Oboro" was just what I thought of when I heard the original song, without any worries.
We're going to do a live performance for an audience on the 6th of May, but we don't know what's going to happen after that, so we're going to do it as if it might be our last one.
-You said that you often set up an electric drum machine at home and make drum arrangements while playing, is this the same style you used for "Oboro" and the new songs you were working on?
Shinya: When I'm thinking of drum phrases, I don't use an electric drum but just use the mouse. In the past, I used to focus on the basic groove of the song, and I used to add drum phrases while actually playing the drums. But the period of thinking while playing is over now…
-I didn't know you had such a time frame in mind (laughs). Thinking with the mouse is a way of avoiding the first days of DTM, isn't it?
Shinya: Yes, it's the way we did it in the beginning. I think the period of time I was thinking about it while I was in the city changed my way of thinking about drum place. It's hard to describe it in words (laughs).
-I'll take care of that. I'm a subscriber to the Shinya Channel, so be nice to me (lol).
Shinya: Well, I guess I should say I've got it all figured out. I've learned about the advantages of using an electric drum and the differences between using a mouse and thinking with an electric drum, and now I'm able to create phrases and grooves with just a mouse while playing the electric drum, so I think it's not a problem. I can now type in rhythms and phrases with the same time signature as if I were actually playing.
-Do you find it easier to come up with something unexpected by not thinking of phrases as you play?
Shinya: Yes, one of the advantages of playing the piano is that you can create phrases that you can't edit. You can create phrases that you can't edit with your own hands. That's why I started thinking about drum arrangements by typing with the mouse in the early days. In this song "Oboro", I used the mouse a lot in the A melody and other phrases. The demo phrases that I came up with using only the mouse were much stronger and weaker, but when I actually played them on live drums, I couldn't get that level of intensity.
-Do you mean simply the volume?
Shinya: That's right. The core of each sound has to come out properly in live drums, so even if you add a strong instrument, if it's too weak, the core won't come out. The image was different from the one I had in the mouse, but it turned out good, so I didn't have any trouble. I also thought a lot about the guitar in the drum braise of "Oboro". It's the solo part.
-It's a drum approach that is making a difference.
Shinya: Yes. I tried to make a good movement when I hit it. The form of the striking and the movement of the arms are flowing.
-You have a large number of cymbals anyway, and they are set up around the effects cymbals. Effect cymbals have a shorter blue sustain than normal cymbals. That's why when you use a lot of cymbals, do you consider the tendency of the sound of each cymbal and the length of the sustain while constructing the phrase itself?
Shinya: That's what I'm trying to do, to make it so that it's smooth and the previous movements flow. But when we were recording, we didn't talk about it that much. At the live show, I think "I used this cymbal on the recording, but I'll use that cymbal at the live show", so at the live show, I try to pursue the movement more.
-You‘re a drummer who can go beyond. You mentioned that you bring the same cymbals and settings to your recordings as you do live?
Shinya: There are as many cymbals as there are live, but the tycoons are more like two thimbles, two toms and one floor. It's a set of two toms and one floor.
-I think it's important to be careful when making drum sounds.
Shinya: Yes, it is. The drums are the most important part of the sound. I leave it to the tuner. I asked the tuner to listen to a demo of a drum phrase that I typed in with my mouse, and then I asked him to create a drum sound that would fit the phrase. I didn't start working with the drum tuner on recordings until 2019 (The World of Mercy), and he also joined me on several occasions during the tour. The sound on that tour was so good that we started asking them to play on 'The World of Mercy'. It's easier to make a good sound in a live setting, but if the tuner can make a sound that I'm happy with, then I can trust him for the recording. For the recording of "Oboro", they tuned it to the sound I had imagined from the beginning.
-I get the impression that you always do your recordings without getting bogged down, but this time?
Shinya: Just like that. We also recorded the coupling song "T.D.F.F." at that time, but we didn't get stuck. But I recorded it part by part, so it took a bit longer. If I'm happy with the intro, I'll go on to the A melody, and so on, starting from the beginning of the song. It takes a lot of concentration to record each part. Also, sometimes the song isn't written until the day before, so I haven't memorised the phrases yet (laughs). The structure of "Oboro" wasn't even ready until the day before we recorded it. So when I played it, I put the recording side by side and concentrated on each part.
-What did you think of the coupling track "T.D.F.F."?
Shinya: I didn't change much in terms of drum phrases, but I tried to give it a bit more energy. As a result, there are a little less detailed snare phrases than on the original version.
-When you do a self-remake, do you tend to go in with a different stance than the original?
Shinya: It depends on how it's arranged. If the whole arrangement is completely different, I'll consider it a controversial piece and work on it. But basically, I try not to change the original phrases. When SUGIZO joined X JAPAN, he said, "Classical phrases are all different depending on the performer, even if the phrases are not changed“ . That's why SUGIZO said he was playing the same phrases as HIDE. That's why I want to show that although the phrases are the same, they are actually different.
-It's all luck. Even though the phrases are the same, each note is different, and this progression is the growth.
Shinya: Yes. It's a bit embarrassing to call it growth, but I think it's different even though it's the same phrase. But there are things that only the ward of that time could do, but there are also things that only the ward of today can do.
-What mode are you in as a drummer in 2021?
Shinya: I don't really think about it, I just want to play a good drum.
-When I started thinking about the phrases in Mouse, it was also the time when the Band started performing and touring overseas, and the Band's drummers and musicians that I played with at festivals and other events were always saying, "The drums in DIR EN GREY are so circular and amazing. I wondered if Shinya had some kind of special meaning behind the way he phrased the songs“ .
Shinya: Even if I say I've gone back, the way I put it on is completely different from back then. I was thinking of doing something complicated back then, but now I'm thinking of making it as simple as possible. I'm saying that now, but I think it will change depending on what kind of new songs I'm going to play. I'm going to release "Oboro" as a single, but I don't think you can see the spirit of the album from this song alone, in fact I think the album will have a completely different feel. In addition to "Oboro", the other songs on the album will have more impact in the direction of things. I may have done something uncomplicated before the drums... (laughs).
-By the way, today was the first time you met your fans in Osaka, are you getting more excited about the show?
Shinya: Yes, I am. We're going to play to an audience on May 6th, but after that we don't know what will happen. So I'm going to do it with the mindset that it might be my last live. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will be expressed in the actual live performance.
Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]
Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]
Translations by me.
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Hello everyone and welcome to part 2 of my Milgram Posting. My name is Hyde and this time I’ll be talking about the fact Mukuhara Kazui is a deeply closeted gay man.
My friend Nika and I have been stewing on this in DM’s for months. But no longer. We are right and the people need to know. Trust me...take my hand and follow me into the light as I unveil the truth of Kazui’s problems and issues…
Content warnings for: discussions and references to homophobia, both targeted and internalized, and the possibility of infidelity and a possible suicide, and mentions of irl transphobic medical laws.
Let us begin...
Kazui’s video at first watch seems both vague and straight forward. It opens thusly; to Kazui, standing in an empty theater, staring at the ripe green apple that is displayed center stage.
Right off the bat, people tend to apply ‘carnal desire’ and ‘forbidden fruit’ symbolism to the apple we see, but that’s associated more with red apples than green. Green apples are associated more with health and mental awareness/knowledge than temptation or pleasure, though they are also considered a symbol of friendship.
This is going to be relevant to things I have to say later.
Continuing on, the music is melancholy and the vocals are delivered with similar impact. Everything about Kazui’s song, from the lyrics, the vocal delivery, the music - all of it is sad.
“The curse of reuniting with you puts a dagger in my heart
I imagined that saying ‘see you’ is the same as ‘it’s over’
Only if your heart would change, but that’s not possible
Please, tell me what I should do - my heart will float away and disappear.”
From the very first lines of the song, which will appear often as the chorus, we catch a glimpse at his struggle. He feels guilty seeing someone he cares for; he doesn’t want to say goodbye, because that means what they have is over and nothing will ever be the same.
Before the vocals pick up again, we see Kazui seat himself in the empty stands, as he watches his own self - flashily dressed and donning a mask - take the stage with a smile that contrasts the seated Kazui’s obvious melancholy.
I just think it’s, ummm, interesting, that Kazui is seated just outside the reach of the stage lights in the dark shadows of the theater. Lol.
With Kazui’s mask in place, the scenery transitions from the theater to a bar that Kazui frequented - either as a workplace or simply somewhere to go after work, who knows - where we see him politely chatting with a woman.
They’re seated apart from one another, the distance between them more than acceptable; she seems to be complaining and he listens with what appears to be polite interest. His smile isn’t very engaged and his expression is overall...not terribly interested. In fact, when she isn’t looking at him, his smile falls away and he appears deep in thought.
In contrast, in the comfort of his home alongside his wife, he appears...not ecstatic, but certainly much happier. He seems relaxed and content. His smile is fond and he watches her with obvious love.
And...the...lyrics.
“If I were to make sure and suffer, I would rather be by your side
Laughing together, side by side, this distance in our relationship is misleading me
Is this what happiness is?
Where did I go wrong? Probably from the beginning.”
The middle of the verse ends with Kazui, seated in the stands, turning to stare at the green apple, which has appeared in one of the seats several down from him. His expression shifts from indifference to shock.
Before you can even process that, the scene switches back to the masked Kazui on stage, the song continuing.
“The curse of reuniting with you puts a dagger in my heart
I imagined that saying ‘see you’ is the same as ‘it’s over’
Only if your heart would change - but that’s not possible…
Please, tell me what I should do
Feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear.”
The empty chair. Lol.
After this chorus, we see the seated Kazui slumped in his seat, staring down at his hands - specifically at his ring. The scenery then transitions not to the stage but to the home he shared with his wife. There’s a sense of distance that hadn’t been there before.
“I could try you, and also try to touch you, but you probably won’t notice
I understand that this love is out of bounds,
So nothing has to change
All these memories, and you
Only if I could erase them
All this time ‘til now has hurt me
The scales of my heart has decided to sway
If continuing to hide is called unhappiness,
Not even one word will get to you.”
I have so much to say right now it’s fucking unreal you guys.
The first few lines have the scenery transitioning back to the bar, where we see Kazui with that woman again:
She’s clearly very drunk, slipping out of her chair; he reaches towards her and she’s then shown slumped over the bar surface instead of dangerously about to fall over. There’s nothing untoward about this interaction, especially since he’s still...cough...wearing his wedding ring, thus indicating to everyone - including his bar friend - that he’s unavailable.
We then see the Kazui from the bar smiling vaguely to the right; he then turns, his expression going flat, towards the viewer - towards Kazui in the seats - and tilts his head in the direction he’d been staring. We then see the seated Kazui’s expression twist with shock as he stands, staring in the direction where the apple had once been - only for it to now be center stage once more, a backdrop to the memory of a confrontation he’d had with his wife.
What love does he feel that is so out of bounds? Who does he want to forget, to erase? It clearly isn’t with the woman in the bar. She’s an acquaintance, maybe a friend or coworker, and there’s always a respectable amount of distance between them. He doesn’t look very engaged when he speaks to her, though she seems to chat away as he listens. Where has his mind gone? Who is the subject of his thoughts?
It doesn’t matter. It’s out of bounds, so nothing is going to change. It isn’t something he would act on.
“All this time ‘til now has hurt me / the scales of my heart has decided to sway / if continuing to hide is called unhappiness, not even one word will get to you.”
What about ‘all this time’ has hurt him? He’s been happy with his wife, we know this. And yet there’s something wrong. Something that makes him restless and unhappy deep inside - and after all these years, something in his heart has ‘swayed’, making him doubt.
His wife doesn’t look upset. She looks comforting when she touches his face and speaks to him, that green apple visible in the background of their discussion. Knowledge. Information. She knows something now that she hadn’t known before.
‘If continuing to hide is called unhappiness’...what is being hidden that could make him so unhappy? Whatever it is, she doesn’t seem upset about it. She’s comforting him. And yet he looks depressed and resigned as he takes her hand in his own, closing his eyes. He doesn’t want to hear what she has to say, to see the expression on her face, whatever it might be - pity? Sympathy? Or simply knowing?
The lights above flicker. Kazui is on the stage once more, in one of the extravagant outfits but without his mask as the chorus begins again. Once more, he appears pained as he performs his ‘roles’ on stage.
“The curse of reuniting with you puts a dagger in my heart
I imagined that saying ‘see you’ is the same as ‘it’s over’
Only if your heart would change, but that’s not possible
Please, tell me what I should do
Feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear.”
Throughout this chorus, one of the versions of Kazui that we see on stage is the ‘him’ from the bar, in what is likely his work clothes. That Kazui is present through the lines ‘only if your heart would change, but that’s not possible / please, tell me what I should do / feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear’ and is seen, at the end of the chorus, kneeling before the empty chair from earlier in the video.
I haven’t particularly gone into the lyrics for the chorus as of yet, but trust me. There is something here.
Who’s heart has to change? His wife’s? No. It’s his own. Throughout the song, he’s not speaking to another - he’s begging his own self to change, but he knows he can’t. ‘That’s not possible,’ he sings in the chorus, and in this instance it’s done while he stretches his hands out towards the stage lights, clenching his fists with a pained expression as his ring is subsequently hidden from sight.
‘Please, tell me what I should do / feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear’, he begs as he kneels before the empty chair. Who is he begging with? Himself again? His wife? Or…?
The song gives you no rest at this point, the chorus ending and immediately continuing without any brief instrumental pauses.
“I’m sure nothing will change
We’ll laugh together and call each other stupid names
So many things I wish I hadn’t known - I’m just a coward
What I gave up a long time ago
Why is it questioning me now?
So many things that I should now have known - I’m just a coward.”
Throughout this verse we see Kazui, kneeling before the empty chair, as a reel of memories begin to play in the blurred-out backdrop of the stage; memories mainly retaining to his marriage and his self-doubt. As they play, he stands and exits stage.
He’s unhappy, but he doesn’t want things to change. He wants to retain this domestic normalcy he’s carefully cultivated, this relationship he does truly value with the woman he married; he doesn’t want what he’s ‘hiding’, the thing he had ‘given up on long ago’, to ruin what they have.
As the song winds to a close, it’s final few lines are a repeat of an earlier verse.
“If I were to make sure and suffer, I would rather be by your side
Laughing together, side by side, this distance in our relationship is misleading me
Is this what happiness is?
These lines hit harder than they had earlier with all of the additional stuff we got to see in between, as well as the fact the closing shots of the MV are that of a broken…??? Something red and porcelain??? And then a gradual close up of Kazui, in his casual clothes, yet smiling with resignation as he puts on another mask.
‘If I were to make sure and suffer, I would rather be by your side.’ If he were to make sure...of what? What could he confirm that would cause him suffering? Whatever it is, he would rather not risk it - he would rather remain as he is now, with someone he does love, even if it’s not the ‘right’ love.
Until now, every time Kazui has worn a physical mask to represent the facade he might be putting on, he’s been wearing outlandish stage outfits or his suit - but now we see him putting it on even in his casual day-to-day clothes. The mask never truly comes off. What about himself could he be so determined to hide?
I think you all know what I’m going to say. Before I unpack everything about this in more detail, I also want to discuss a few supplementary pieces of information we’ve gotten about Kazui from his interrogation questions and Portal conversations. I have no idea if his interrogation conversation with Es has been translated yet as I’ve not found anything, though if it has been and I missed it I would appreciate it if someone could send it my way.
Now. Onward.
First I would like to talk about some of his interrogation questions.
In question 2, he’s asked ‘Who do you respect?’, to which Kazui responds, ‘You wouldn’t know them, but I have a childhood friend. I really look up to them.’ (src.)
In question 17, upon being asked what he would do if the world would end tomorrow, he answers that he would like to relax and go trawling (fishing) with his previously mentioned childhood friend. He...would like to spend his last day on earth...fishing...with his bff...and not…. ???? ? ??? ? (src.)
In question 4, upon being asked if his family is proud of him, he states they must be embarrassed. Why? He seems like an emotionally well adjusted and stable man, presumably with a steady job and a happy marriage (prior to...his wife...um…) so why would they find him ‘embarrassing’? (src.)
In question 8, when asked whether he prioritizes logic or emotion, he claims that he’s ‘failed at prioritizing his emotions’ and will never ‘act on his feelings again.’ UMMM. (src.)
Now for a real doozy. Question 18. When asked if he regrets his murder, Kazui claims he does, and says he should have ‘continued to pile up his lies.’ (src.)
The dots...are you connecting them?
I submit one final piece of evidence before I begin to explain my own thought process and unpack what I believe all this means. In this portal timeline post, Mahiru asks Kazui about his type of woman. He provides a vague answer - a cutie who can laugh like they don’t have a care in the world, someone close to him in age who can ‘smooth the waters’.
Yuno interjects, saying ‘That’s such a lie, isn’t it?’ As someone who is stunningly perceptive regardless of her age and who is assumed to have engaged in sex work, she can probably read him a bit better than most of the others in the prison.
Instead of denying it, Kazui simply goes ‘Have a heart. You’re putting me in a tight spot, Kashiki.’
Now... what could all this possibly mean?
MUKUHARA KAZUI IS A DEEPLY CLOSETED GAY MAN.
This isn’t a shocking conclusion because I said it in the beginning, but. Here is my evidence.
The green apple, symbolizing knowledge. Mental awareness. Friendship. His love for his wife is platonic. He’s aware of what is wrong with their marriage, of what is ‘wrong’ with him, which he keeps buried deep inside. What secret could ruin a marriage that isn’t related to infidelity?
Given all the clues, it seems reasonable...to suggest...that perhaps...not being straight would do that.
‘Where did I go wrong / probably from the beginning.’ He went about it all wrong from the start, because this was never something that might work long term if his wife - if anyone - ever found out the truth.
This is why the ‘love’ he feels, in a broad sense - not necessarily towards anyone in particular - is out of bounds. Aside from his marriage, the ‘love’ he feels towards men is something that is out of bounds. Something he can’t dare to act on. Even if he weren’t married, it would be unacceptable for him to act on these desires. So why not just go with the flow and conform to societal norm?
Ah, before I continue, I do want to be clear on a few things. I don’t want to undermine Japan’s LGBT community and their movements and progress. In recent years especially, the current generation is much more open and accepting of such things, but of course that’s only speaking for the current generation. Many laws are still incredibly outdated and the people still feel obliged to perform their familial expectations by marrying and having children regardless of their own preferences.
There’s also the fact that gender transitioning is still an incredibly difficult task, moreso than it is in North America or most of Europe. To legally change your gender marker on documentation you have to undergo full sex reassignment surgery and sterilization procedures. I’m sure you all understand why this could make things very difficult.
And that’s without stressing the fact that, well, the majority of gay people will simply content themselves with whoever their parents wish for them to marry or who they find for themselves. Discreet websites for LGBT people to find each other and sort out short or long term relationships or marriages exist and are quite useful for those who decide to put their families expectations first.
This is especially true for people in Kazui’s age group. So, with all of this said, I think it’s incredibly understandable for someone in Kazui’s position to keep his silence and want to keep living the life he had cultivated with his wife, even if it wasn’t something truly fulfilling for him.
But, there comes the line…’All this time ‘til now has hurt me / the scales in my heart has decided to sway / if continuing to hide is called unhappiness, not even one word will reach you.’ The way his wife touches him comfortingly, that apple visible in the background, leads me to believe something occurred to make her begin to suspect Kazui was hiding something...and upon finding out the truth, she wasn’t upset. She offered understanding and comfort and would have been willing to end their marriage amicably, so that he could be himself. Be happier. ‘If continuing to hide is called unhappiness’...top 10 lines that haunt me.
But he didn’t want that. It was too big of a risk for a ‘coward’ like him; not only that, but if they divorced, it would be more of a stain on her reputation than on his, and he loves her enough to not want to make things more difficult for her. Especially if people found out they divorced because he’s gay.
The final lines of the song stress another concern of his as well - that he doesn’t want what he has with her to change. He truly does love her. ‘I’m sure nothing will change / we’ll laugh together and call each other stupid names.’ He values her friendship and love and fears that if they part ways, it will be a permanent sever and their relationship will never be the same.
There’s also the line, ‘What I gave up a long time ago / why is it questioning me now?’
He had given up on the idea of being open with himself and others about his sexuality, but something happened to question that. What could it be…?
Aside from his wife, the only person he ever really mentions is the ‘childhood friend’ he respects and goes fishing with. This is my belief: that his friend is a man and that, a long time ago, Kazui had feelings for him. It may even be that this friend was his first love. This friend knows and has never said anything, but has quietly supported Kazui without saying anything to explicitly imply he knows where Kazui’s interests truly lay.
At this point in their lives I don’t believe Kazui’s love for him is romantic any longer, but that doesn’t change his preference for men overall. They’re not young anymore. They’re pushing 40. I think...at some point in the recent past, before Milgram takes place, his friend must have tried to ask him if he was truly happy with the life he was living - if he’s truly satisfied, without wanting anything more for himself.
This led Kazui to doubt himself. He began thinking, is he truly happy? Would he want to risk changing things up so late in his life? No, no. He could never. But the thought was there now, and he began losing himself in thought more often. At the bar, at home - a distance grew between himself and his wife as he began to question himself.
She realized something was wrong. When the truth came out - either because he confessed it at her urging or because she had simply known, after so long of being by his side and suspecting long before this - she urged him to find happiness within himself.
But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.
He’s a ‘coward’, after all.
So - what happened? The empty chair, the balcony he had walked away from, where we briefly see the silhouette of someone standing at the edge during the replay of Kazui’s memories. What had happened?
An accident? A suicide? It’s hard to tell. Whether his wife killed herself or not, the implications overall are that she died. Of course, the ‘murders’ in Milgram are subjective. It could be a metaphorical death; the death of his marriage, perhaps. But in this case, given how extreme his guilt and resignation seem to be, I think she might have actually died.
Whether it was an accident or a suicide, we don’t yet know, but he blames himself regardless and believes if he’d kept lying it might not have happened.
I don’t have much else to say. I just...many thoughts...head full...closeted gay Kazui...is real.
I do want to be clear that when I call him a coward, I’m not being genuine. I don’t find it cowardly at all to choose to put your families expectations and satisfaction before your own, but Kazui sees himself as such, so I used quotation marks in each instance. I just don’t want anyone to misunderstand my intention.
Even as a white person from a relatively accepting family, I struggle to reconcile the idea of ever being open-open about my sexuality or gender identity and preferred presentation. Even though my family suspects many things about me, I never speak openly about them. I candidly discussed it with one person when I was a teenager, which was...wow, ten years ago now, and have not done so since. It’s difficult across the board, though of course much more so for people living in countries and being raised within cultures that emphasize social conformity and filial piety.
I don’t believe there’s anything inherently wrong with such things and I don’t really have the right to speak further on the matter, but I just want to be clear about it.
This concludes essay on Kazui, thank you for reading, next week we get Mikoto’s MV and I can’t wait to crack open the skull of this totally #normal guy like an egg and put his brain tissue on a petri dish. The fact his cover song is Monopoisoner is already making me unwell. Did you guys notice the design on his shirt in the preview still is the major arcana’s Hanged Man? Because Nika and I noticed and we have problems.
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chaser - chapter 1
pairing: vampire!seonghwa x human!wooyoung x ???
synopsis: wooyoung is no stranger to one-night stands, but something about this one leaves a lasting impression on him and his body that he can’t ignore. seonghwa, on the other hand, considers himself smart enough to avoid making stupid decisions after living for so long, but alas, he must not be as smart as he thinks himself to be.
rating: M/18+
word count: 6.0k
warnings: language, violence, fighting, injuries, blood, explicit smut
a/n: hi hello yes welcome to swm’s new and mUCH improved version chaser (i’m howling for you)!! this first chapter has some similarities to the original and is ULTRA heavy on the smut so pls be aware that this first chapter has VERY little plot and LOTS of smut
masterlist
Between the steady thrum of music in his ears and the sensation of his heart beating erratically in his chest, Wooyoung cannot sit still to save his life. He isn’t sure how his friend managed to drag him out to one of these places — a club (somewhere he normally wouldn’t be caught dead near usually) and a vampire one at that. Despite the never-ending insistence that this would be a pleasant experience for them both, Wooyoung still finds himself wondering as his gaze slips over vampire after vampire with glowing golden eyes. He is a bit desperate to get laid, yes, but that is neither here nor there, and he didn’t think he would have to find someone who wanted to suck every ounce of blood out of his system to sleep with someone. Wooyoung could not admit such a thing to San at the time (that would be far too embarrassing), so he simply agreed to come and sit in a back booth where he could properly hide himself from the crowds.
Dancing is one of Wooyoung’s skills, yes, but he cannot muster the courage to embarrass himself in front of a crowd of vampires. And by ‘crowd’ he really only means the one tall, dark, and fucking handsome vampire standing across from the booth Wooyoung finds himself perched in at the moment.
Curse him for being weak because this man is by far the hottest… creature… Wooyoung has ever laid his eyes on, so much so that he cannot even try to be discreet about the way he stares the vampire up and down like he’s the last slice of a cake at a birthday cake. There is a gross irony to that too — the vampire should be the one eyeing Wooyoung like he’s a meal, but Wooyoung is far too enamored with taking in every inch of deep purple velvet over the vampire’s body to think about specifics right now.
Although he wishes to blame it on alcohol, Wooyoung knows that he has not touched the glass on the table in the past hour he’s been at the club, so there is not nearly enough alcohol in his system to cloud his judgment. The staring must have tipped the scales, however, because said hottest creature on the face of the Earth is now making his way over to Wooyoung’s table in long strides. Wooyoung fumbles to grab for his drink and down some of the liquid — a desperate attempt to busy himself and save face in case the vampire is bothered by the way Wooyoung has been eye-fucking him for the better part of the hour.
People move out of the vampire’s way as he walks, such a domineering presence in the club that Wooyoung feels his knees trembling under the table a bit just from the sight of him. Even guzzling the alcohol before him does nothing to quell the sudden burst of nerves in Wooyoung’s system, and the black-haired vampire slides into the booth across from him with a barely-there smile.
“It’s not good to be alone in a club, let alone a vampire one,” he says, tone so low that Wooyoung has to strain to hear the statement. That steady and persistent thrum of bass and electronic music rumbles on in the background. Wooyoung feels like he is swimming in it. It nearly drowns the vampire out, but he moves as Wooyoung leans forward to catch the words. Suddenly their faces are much closer, mere inches between them. Wooyoung inhales sharply. He swallows hard around nothing, and his Adam’s Apple bobs with the movement. The vampire’s gaze traces down the expanse of Wooyoung’s exposed neck, tongue teasing the corner of his lips with little purpose.
“I’m… not alone,” Wooyoung responds with some struggle, thinking back to where San might be, disappeared into the crowd of bodies on the dance floor.
“Not anymore, no.” The man smirks a bit around the words, and one corner of his lips drags upwards. The action is so stupidly simple, yet it has Wooyoung clenching his thighs together harshly and trying to press the arousal in his gut down. “My name is Seonghwa, and you are?”
“I-I, um, Jung Wo-Wooyoung. No, uh, just Wooyoung.”
“Fitting and beautiful. A strong name too… although I can’t say I’m too surprised.” The vampire — Seonghwa, as he called himself — lets his head fall to the side.
“Are you always so charming with people you just meet?” Wooyoung inquires, unable to hold his gaze on the man any longer thanks to the influx of nerves rushing through his body.
“Only the ones that catch my eye.”
“I’m sure that gets everyone crawling to your bed,” Wooyoung scoffs as he lets his hand toy mindlessly at the edge of his glass. The words do have an embarrassing effect on him, of course they do, but Wooyoung doesn’t want to seem so desperate and needy quite yet. Seonghwa returns the smile with one of his own, then releases a small, mirthful chuckles. The sound rumbles through Wooyoung’s system with a shocking effect, and the arousal peaks as Seonghwa’s eyes glint with desire. Almost like Seonghwa enjoys the banter and feistiness Wooyoung is putting out.
“I wouldn’t know… you’re the first person I’ve approached.”
“To-Tonight?” Wooyoung stammers, caught a bit off-guard by the sudden admission.
“I don’t make a habit of coming to clubs like this, but I might have to make an exception for you. If you come often, that is.” Seonghwa is nearly too smooth for Wooyoung to handle, and he hardly realizes how close the vampire has gotten until hot breath fans over Wooyoung’s lips. The distance between the two of them has decreased to centimeters now, yet Wooyoung still finds his body eager to press forward as well. “I’d be more intrigued if I could see such a vision before me every time I came here.”
Fuck, Wooyoung is either very deprived or it’s truly been a long-ass time since someone was this smooth and at ease with him. He can play this game well himself, but to be on the receiving end of it? That is a different ballpark and Wooyoung feels as though he is striking out right now.
“A-Ah, well, this — this is my first t-time here. At a club. Um, one like this. I – I’ve been to clubs, just n-not, yeah,” Wooyoung explains through his flustered state. The hints of his struggle don’t escape Seonghwa’s notice, but the vampire only seems more amused by the way Wooyoung is reacting to his teasing. That damn cocky grin painting Seonghwa’s lips will end Wooyoung if it grows any larger. (The growing issue in his pants is not helping either — that might end Wooyoung as well). “My friend – he dragged m-me out here with him.”
“Hm, then we have something in common, Wooyoung.” His name sounds like honey on Seonghwa’s tongue. Wooyoung’s mind quickly takes that thought further south, guided by his intense lust for the vampire, and he vaguely wonders what Seonghwa would sound like moaning the name instead of merely speaking it. “My friend dragged me out, as well. Said I would find it… enlightening.”
“And is it?” Wooyoung asks, once again swallowing around nothing. His lashes flutter against his will, almost like his body is urging him to just get on with the flirting and speed this process up. Wooyoung doesn’t intend to be so flirtatious or gaudy, he truly doesn’t! It just… slips out in times like these — where arousal rules his brain rather than reason. “Enlightening, I mean?”
“I have yet to find out.”
Some supernatural force must possess Wooyoung because he has no idea what on earth is going through his head as he pushes his way out of the booth to step around the table separating him from Seonghwa. He slings a leg over the vampire’s thighs, straddling his thighs as though Wooyoung has done this very same action a million times over, and Seonghwa sits as straight as a rod out of sheer shock.
“Might I be able to enlighten you then?” Wooyoung whispers, tone so sultry and low that he barely recognizes his own voice speaking the words. Seonghwa’s lips fall open, partially in shock and in other parts unabashedly intrigued by Wooyoung’s proposition. Wooyoung has obviously affected him quite a bit if the hardening bulge under that purple velvet is any indication to go by. That sends a surge of confidence through Wooyoung’s veins and causes him to guide his lips down to Seonghwa’s deep red ones. The vampire meets him halfway after recovering from the initial wave of shock and doesn’t waste a second before slipping his tongue out to caress Wooyoung’s lower lip. Wooyoung shivers into the faint touch. The heavy film of lust over his mind deepens further, shrouding every ounce of reason like a veil, and Wooyoung forgets where he is when his lips are on Seonghwa’s.
Seonghwa is an enthusiastic kisser, as well as a passionate one; his tongue dances over Wooyoung’s lip to the rhythm of the music until Wooyoung finally decides to drop his jaw and let the man into his mouth. The second Seonghwa pushes into his wet heat, Wooyoung releases a startled moan thanks to the sheer coldness on the vampire’s tongue. Seonghwa eats the sound right up and presses harder into the human’s body with such fervor that Wooyoung thinks he might melt from the sensation. He doesn’t dare stop for a breath — he can breathe later and surely Seonghwa doesn’t need to breathe; right now he just needs Seonghwa’s lips on his like it’s a drug. Slowly but surely, Seonghwa’s arms fold around his waist to form a delicate cage that keeps Wooyoung secure against the vampire’s sturdy and lean muscle. He is cold all over, colder than Wooyoung expects him to be, but he supposes that makes perfect sense since Seonghwa is a vampire.
Nonetheless, Wooyoung tenses as cold fingers trace over the bit of exposed skin on his lower back, toying with the hem of the crop top he wears. Seonghwa uses the moment of surprise as an opportunity to thrust his wet muscle further into Wooyoung’s mouth, exploring his palate and tasting every inch of the human’s wet cavern as though it’s his last meal.
The delicate sensations have Wooyoung grinding down hard on Seonghwa’s tented erection, and his own erection rubs deliciously over Seonghwa’s suit. It’s Seonghwa’s turn to groan into Wooyoung’s mouth, however, and the sound is better than Wooyoung could have imagined; if his gut could pool with more arousal, it surely would at this point. He repeats the jerking motion a second time, shifting the angle a bit this time so that his cock rubs more directly against the outline of Seonghwa’s straining member. A weak whimper slips through the kiss and permeates the air around the two of them — Seonghwa’s gaze grows so dark with desire that his eyes don’t seem gold any longer and Wooyoung thinks that the vampire could devour him on the spot.
Seonghwa finally pulls back from the kiss and sits back against the booth to admire the sight of Wooyoung above him. He’s almost too cheeky in the way his tongue continues to tease the corner of his mouth, arms coming up to rest on the back of the booth like he’s sitting on a throne with Wooyoung on top of him. Wooyoung can’t get enough of that smug and arrogant demeanor, though, something about it sends him into an erotic frenzy, nor can he recover from the arousal still plaguing his mind. Thus Wooyoung braces his hands on Seonghwa’s shoulders and grinds down against his clothed dick with more force than before.
The vampire tilts his head back, teeth bared like an animal. Air hisses through them as he tries to maintain his formal composure. Wooyoung knows what he is doing though; he is dismantling Seonghwa piece by piece, and that is painfully obvious from the lust in his eyes and the erection between them. Seonghwa doesn’t let his gaze leave Wooyoung for even a second, watching him with such intensity that Wooyoung sees himself falling to pieces under it. He stays in one piece at least until the vampire beckons him to come closer with a single finger. Wooyoung falls against his chest without a drop of hesitation.
Seonghwa doesn’t bother explaining what he’s up to; he merely leans until his lips find the base of Wooyoung’s neck and exhales hot breath over the sweat-slick skin there. His tongue pokes out to brush the warm, all-too-human skin underneath him. It brings an audible sigh from his full lips, the taste of Wooyoung on his lips and filling his senses in no time.
“May I bite you, lovely?” Seonghwa inquires, tone thrumming with desire. Wooyoung wouldn’t dream of saying no to him, not when he is so pent up with this combination of sexual frustration and arousal.
“P-Please,” Wooyoung pants into the shell of his ear. He delights in the goosebumps that travel over Seonghwa’s skin as his words caress the vampire’s ear, and Seonghwa inhales sharply before letting his tongue once again lap over the warm skin beneath his lips. Then his teeth — well, his fangs rather — sink into the junction of Wooyoung’s neck and shoulder, piercing the human with a sudden burn of pain. It catches Wooyoung off-guard for a prolonged moment, but that sting is merely momentary as it dissolves into a strange pleasure he can’t really explain. Heat swarms his veins, like a fire has been ignited in him from the inside out, and it makes him almost light-headed despite the fact that Seonghwa hasn’t pulled a drop of blood out of him yet. In fact, Seonghwa doesn’t suck any blood from his body right away, leaving that heady sensation to thrum through Wooyoung’s veins until his muscles lose some of their tension. It is like an itch Wooyoung can’t scratch, a buried need for something more, and he blindly pushes himself further against Seonghwa’s mouth.
Seonghwa doesn’t have to question what Wooyoung is asking for; it is already more than evident in the human’s erratic movements. The tips of his fingers tingle as Seonghwa begins to drag blood from the puncture wounds in his neck, and he feels his eyes fluttering as a dull throbbing blossoms there. Seonghwa eases him through it with gentle laps of his tongue between soft sucks.
Wooyoung doesn’t expect for it to be as pleasurable as it is, but his dick throbs behind the confines of his pants and pulses with each suck Seonghwa provides. He ruts like a dog shamelessly against the other’s cock in an attempt to feel more of that heady pleasure before daring to bring a hand down to ghost over the tent of Seonghwa’s arousal. Thinking with reason and rationality left him long ago, and Wooyoung only makes matters worse by pressing his fingers over that button and zipper, tugging the material back so he can slip the same hand below the band of the vampire’s underwear.
His member is slick with precum against Wooyoung’s palm, and there is a small wet splotch to be felt on his black briefs from said substance that makes Wooyoung practically preen. Precum continues to spill from the vampire’s slit the more he laps at Wooyoung’s neck, taking the blood onto his tongue and swallowing it down with a practiced ease. Wooyoung uses that slickness like lube to jerk his cock with hasty movements. Seonghwa twitches against his palm.
Pulling back from the human’s neck, said vampire heaves several deep breaths that come out in ragged gasps despite the lack of need to breathe, and that alone is a cue that Wooyoung is bringing him closer and closer to the edge with each passing second.
“F-Fuck, need to – ah, need to close that,” he stammers while motions towards Wooyoung’s neck with his head. A swell of pride rises in Wooyoung’s chest as he hears the stutter, glad to have a similar debilitating effect on the vampire. Thus, he leans his shoulder back towards Seonghwa’s mouth and exposes the pretty line of his neck further. It’s an invitation for him to continue to pull blood out, but Seonghwa seems to pull some restraint out of his ass and shakes his head. “Can’t take — mm, fuck — can’t take too much. Don’t want you to pass out before the real fun begins.”
His words leave a clever insinuation that has heat rising up the back of Wooyoung’s neck. Seonghwa pulls him close before he can think too hard about what it might mean, and this time when the vampire brings his lips to his skin, it’s only his tongue that pokes out and touches Wooyoung. Sharp fangs pull back into regular canines to let him close the wound, saliva hot and scalding against Wooyoung’s skin, and the human mewls under the ministrations.
“What? Does your spit ha-have some sort of magical healing properties?” Wooyoung huffs out as the man tongues over the puncture wounds.
“Hm, something like that. Perhaps I can explain it to you sometime when we aren’t… otherwise occupied. Unless hearing archaic verbiage and medical terms increases your pleasure, in which case I can surely speak more.”
“F-Fuck, no, pl-please not now. I just wanna t-touch you.”
Wooyoung can’t keep the same pace on Seonghwa’s cock any longer, hand jerking in haphazard and stuttered strokes along his length. Seonghwa brings his arms tight around Wooyoung’s midsection and squeezing him tight; the motion indirectly forces Wooyoung’s cock to rub harder against where he has his hand shoved down the vampire’s pants. It is tantalizing and teasing in a way that hurts almost — he can’t quite reach his high like this, it isn’t enough to push him over the edge, but Seonghwa does end up breaking. His cock twitches and spills surprisingly warm come over Wooyoung’s hand.
The human doesn’t think twice before bringing that same hand up to his lips, pulling back so Seonghwa can watch the action clear as day, and Wooyoung pulls his tongue over every centimeter of his fingers and palm until the come has fully disappeared behind his lips.
“That’s… damn, that’s most definitely enlightening, doll,” Seonghwa exhales. His breaths remain shaky, and his eyes still contain that thick film of lust like nothing has changed and he hasn’t just come. Wooyoung can’t look away even for a second.
“And what about that real fun you promised?” Wooyoung inquires in a tone that suddenly sounds small and weak. The confidence ebbs away as need settles in, cock still throbbing painfully in his pants. Seonghwa smirks back at him. His gut surges with anticipation.
“Why don’t we get out of here so you can find out?”
That’s how Wooyoung finds himself in the passenger seat of an all too sleek black car with Seonghwa in the driver seat. The vampire is far more cool and collected than Wooyoung, with his hand curled on the upper portion of Wooyoung’s thigh and close to his crotch. The touch burns and stings in a beautiful way, one that makes Wooyoung even more needy for a release. He left San in the club — along with a quick text that he was on his way out — before letting Seonghwa open the door for him. And ever the gentleman, Seonghwa offered to merely drop him off and nothing else, but Wooyoung has already thrown caution to the wind and refuses to come unless Seonghwa is the one to make him do it.
“You live in a rather convenient spot. Easy access to lots of things in the city. I’m assuming because of work?”
“Um, y-yeah,” Wooyoung stammers. Seonghwa’s index finger digs harder into the flesh of his thigh. “I’m a receptionist a-at a brokerage firm. Kinda boring but… uh, it’s temporary.” Seonghwa massages the leather around Wooyoung’s leg again. “I — f-fuck.” Wooyoung can’t figure out what he was wanting or trying to say; it’s all blurred by that hand on his leg that just rubs and massages his muscle with such intensity that he cannot think straight.
“Hm? Am I distracting you, doll?”
Doll.
Wooyoung wants to melt through the floor of the car.
“I-I need…” Wooyoung trails off.
“What do you need, Wooyoung? Say the word and it’s yours.”
“I n-need you to touch me please,” Wooyoung whispers with a fragile shakiness to his tone. It betrays how much desperate he is, and Seonghwa is right there to reward him by pushing his hand further up to cup his strained erection through the leather.
“I can touch you more once we’re at your apartment, precious,” Seonghwa purrs, eyes flitting over the GPS with Wooyoung’s address typed into it.
“Will you… fuck me?” Wooyoung asks as he shifts to glance over at Seonghwa. The vampire’s fingers tighten around the wheel and clutch the leather like it’s a lifeline.
“Perhaps not tonight… I would not wish to fully ruin you during our first night together. However, I can promise that after over a millennium of practice, there are numerous ways I could have you falling apart under my ministrations if that is what you desire.”
Two things stop Wooyoung in his tracks.
First the realization that Seonghwa has lived (if it can even be called living – perhaps undead living? Wooyoung isn’t sure what the proper term would be) for over a millennium.
And second, the implication behind this being their first night together. Wooyoung is not loath to admit how desperately he wants to figure out every single manner in which Seonghwa could ruin him, and as such he will happily settle for whatever else Seonghwa has to offer.
“Okay,” Wooyoung whispers, equal parts breathless and overwhelmed. Seonghwa’s palm alleviates some of the pressure on his cock. Wooyoung darts his own hand out to clutch tightly at the vampire’s wrist. “Please don’t stop.”
“Then how will we ever get inside, darling?”
It’s only when Seonghwa utters those words that Wooyoung realizes the car has come to a stop in front of his apartment complex, and he doesn’t fight it this time when Seonghwa’s hand slips away from him. He does, however, wait in the car as the vampire loops around to his side of the vehicle and pulls the door open.
“I’m not used to anyone being a gentleman with me,” Wooyoung murmurs as he climbs out of the car, trying to shift his uncomfortable erection a bit so he can walk better. Seonghwa’s hand comes to find a home on the small of his back after shutting the door and locking the car. Cold breath brushes over Wooyoung’s ear.
“Then it seems they have all been treating you improperly. In fact, it wasn’t very fair of me to take my pleasure before you did earlier. I promise to make it up to you by letting you come as many times as you would like.” Wooyoung can feel the way Seonghwa’s lips curl into a smirk with those words, and he would be lying if he claimed that they didn’t make him want to get on his knees and suck the vampire dry in this dingy parking lot. He manages to maintain some dignity — enough to make it into the building and onto the elevator — before he is pressing his flushed body hard into Seonghwa’s cold one. The vampire catches him with ease, like he weighs nothing, and Wooyoung is sure that he must seem rather light compared to that superhuman strength.
“Well if you don’t plan on fucking me tonight, then I would very much like to explore the numerous ways you can make me come otherwise,” Wooyoung says through a smile that borders on lecherous. He catches the velvet choker clinging to Seonghwa’s neck with his index finger, tugging the man down to his height so their lips can brush over each other. “I’ve never come more than four times in a night, you know. But then again… I’ve never been with a vampire either.”
“Are you insinuating that I can do better than your past lovers, doll?”
“Don’t you think you can manage five in the very least?” Wooyoung quips back, glancing up at Seonghwa’s dark golden eyes through fluttering lashes. “I hear that a vampire’s bite just before an orgasm can be quite intoxicating and addictive. Is that true?”
“Depends on the type of bite.” Seonghwa’s lips won’t lose their smile, even as the elevator dings and announces their arrival on Wooyoung’s floor. “We have feeding bites like the one I gave you earlier which are quite pleasurable for both parties, but then we also have marking bites, and those are the ones that are as intoxicating and addictive as you’ve heard.” Seonghwa guides Wooyoung into the hall with hands gripping hard at his hips, pushing the man through the corridor like he knows where he is going, but he stops a little ways away from the elevator to let Wooyoung guide him the rest of the way. Wooyoung lets his hand fall from the vampire’s neck down to the soft velvet belt loops on his pants, using them as an anchor to tug Seonghwa along. He refuses to let go even as they reach his door — room 427 at the far end of the hall on the left. He is silently begging that his roommate Hongjoong won’t be home, but those hopes are crudely dashed when the door swings open just before Wooyoung inserts his key.
Seonghwa stumbles back as Wooyoung does, but he braces the human against his chest with hands on either shoulder when Hongjoong’s mop of red hair pops out of the room. He startles just the same when he spots Wooyoung and the guest behind him, eyes quickly darting between both without saying a word for several seconds.
“Ah, that explains it,” Hongjoong mutters at last after some time has passed.
“Are you on your way out?” Wooyoung may or may not be in a fucking rush to get Hongjoong out of the way because his raging boner hasn’t gone down in the slightest. If he gets cockblocked at this point, he won’t—
“Yeah, Sannie asked me to pick him up from the club because he’s had a lot to drink. I’m gonna take the bus to get to the club then take him home in his car.”
“Oh good, then you’ll be gone a while!” Wooyoung chirps, pulling himself up straight once more and pressing forward to get past his roommate. He grips one of Seonghwa’s hands tight in his own; an encouragement for the man to follow after him and join him inside. “Might want to stay gone a while too!”
“I plan on it!” Hongjoong calls after him through a snort, then the door snaps shut a moment later to leave Seonghwa and Wooyoung very much alone once more. And the first thing the vampire does is stand beside the door to slip his pristine black loafers off. Wooyoung can’t help but to laugh to himself as he sees them because they simply look so out of place in his dingy apartment that is covered in Hongjoong’s art projects along with scuffs and chipped paint.
“You look too expensive to be standing here,” Wooyoung murmurs, taking the fabric of Seonghwa’s purple vest between his fingers. The vampire tilts his head to the side in question.
“Would it help if I took my clothes off?”
Wooyoung almost rolls his eyes at the tone the vampire uses.
“You would still look… it’s in the way you carry yourself. You just look expensive and elegant, so I’m sure being nude wouldn’t change that a bit.” Wooyoung sucks his lower lip between his teeth as he thinks, suddenly withdrawing from the man to lead the way to his bedroom. “Well, don’t be a stranger! You’re still planning on breaking my record, aren’t you?”
With that, Wooyoung turns to look at Seonghwa over his shoulder as he pulls his sheer crop top up over his head. He tosses the fabric at the man with a high-pitched giggle, delighting in the sudden haste in Seonghwa’s movements when he catches the shirt and rushes to join Wooyoung in the bedroom. The human had forgotten about the stories of how quickly vampires can move, and Seonghwa’s reflexes alone are something to balk at. But what really gets Wooyoung going is the speed at which Seonghwa reaches him; crossing the living room and pinning him flat on his back on his mattress in less than two seconds flat.
It’s a maddening combination of something horribly terrifying and inexplicably arousing. He hadn’t even gotten to take his pants off.
“You enjoy teasing that much, Wooyoung?” Seonghwa hums from above him, fingers closing around the man’s wrists. He simply arches a brow in response as though testing the vampire to do something more, then spreads his legs further apart to let Seonghwa slip between them with ease. “I’ll take that as a yes then.”
Wooyoung inhales so sharply that his chest burns. Next thing he knows, Seonghwa has descended lower and taken Wooyoung’s pants with him, hooking two fingers around the leather and tugging it down until it hangs about his ankles. And admittedly, Wooyoung had forgone wearing underwear because he had hoped to pick someone up while at the club yet the way Seonghwa’s teasing gaze flits from his leaking member up to Wooyoung’s face sends a surge of embarrassment through the human.
“You grow more fascinating by the second, doll,” Seonghwa murmurs. The tone leaves Wooyoung shivering; either that or it’s the cold air brushing over his now naked body that has him getting more chilly by the second. Seonghwa doesn’t let that sensation last much longer. He folds lithe fingers around the base of Wooyoung’s cock. Just seeing the vampire’s hand around him makes Wooyoung feel helplessly small. He has never been insecure about his dick size, and if anything, the way Seonghwa dwarfs him with his large palm and sprawling fingers makes the arousal in his gut even more intense. Wooyoung squirms under the touch. He’s so embarrassingly hard that he might just come after a few jerks of Seonghwa’s hand, but even that seems to be an overestimation — all the vampire has to do is drag his hand up to the head of Wooyoung’s cock and dig his index finger into his slit.
“A-Ah, Seonghwa!” Wooyoung chokes out a moan, slapping a hand over his lips as the sound escapes him, then he’s coming all over Seonghwa’s hand like he’s never been touched before in his life.
“Don’t cover your mouth. I want to hear it all.” That’s all Seonghwa says before he is descending on Wooyoung’s dick with his lips. He takes Wooyoung all the way until his nose brushes against the bare skin of his crotch, leaving the man crying out. His tongue feels impossibly long on the underside of Wooyoung’s cock as it teases a bulging vein there even as Wooyoung softens up. Seonghwa doesn’t budge on bit for what feels like hours, and Wooyoung grows mildly concerned as the minutes pass before he realizes that Seonghwa has no need to breathe, so he can’t possibly choke or run out of breath while cockwarming Wooyoung. Seonghwa’s mouth is as oddly cold as the rest of him, but it isn’t an unpleasant feeling in the slightest. Especially not as Seonghwa starts to suck over his member.
Now, Wooyoung is young, yes — the ripe and youthful age of 23, fresh out of university and in his prime — and as such, he usually can last around seven and a half minutes before coming. Note, usually, because whatever the fuck Seonghwa is doing to his cock right now has Wooyoung coming down the vampire’s throat in less than two minutes. He can’t even make a sound beyond a weak and shaky whimper this time. Seonghwa swallows around him, taking down every last drop of come, and once he’s done, he pulls off Wooyoung’s softening member with a wet pop.
“I thought you said this would be a challenge, darling, but that’s already two of five.”
“Oh, bite me,” Wooyoung scoffs without thinking twice about what exactly his words might entail. Seonghwa shifts to be eye level with him a second later.
“Is that how you’d like to come next? Untouched and at my mercy?”
That should terrify Wooyoung. Make him want to run and hide like any normal person would, but Wooyoung doesn’t consider himself or his interests in the bedroom normal in the slightest, because all those words make him do is sling an arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders and fist a hand through the man’s jet black hair. He guides Seonghwa down to the curve of his neck, right over the place where Seonghwa bit him before, although that mark has dissolved into nothing now.
“Show me exactly how intoxicating and addicting it is then.”
Seonghwa hesitates, hands braced on either side of Wooyoung’s head, and even as Wooyoung tries to push him down, the vampire manages to maintain some distance between his lips and Wooyoung’s neck. Wooyoung almost thinks that he’s going to be left high and dry like this because of how long Seonghwa ponders. Then a tongue teases his skin, tasting the sweat clinging to his body. The groan that leaves Seonghwa reverberates in his chest and sounds practically visceral. He makes good on his promise with his next action though.
This time when teeth sink in Wooyoung’s neck, the pain increases tenfold, like there are two sets of fangs pushing into him rather than just one. Wooyoung cries out, and his hips cant forward as pleasure seeps into his body. It’s like a drug — one that clouds his vision and makes fire run through his veins. The soft velvet of Seonghwa’s pants allows for some comfort as Wooyoung ruts helplessly against him, and all the while, the vampire laps his tongue around the puncture wounds he left at Wooyoung’s neck. Wooyoung is too far gone to think about whether he’s also pulling blood again; he isn’t even sure if his eyes or open or not at this point. The white light clogging his eyes is too strong and powerful for him to think about anything other than the sheer euphoria he’s experiencing in this moment.
Seonghwa guides him through it, hands reaching down to roam Wooyoung’s searing body like a cool breeze. Wooyoung doesn’t feel a thing when he comes again; all he knows is that his hips come to a halt and something eases him back to the bed to rest comfortably there in a daze. Cold hands brush over his forehead, the white light starts to fade from his vision, and when Wooyoung comes back to his senses, Seonghwa is leaning over him with a furrowed brow and concerned eyes.
“Fuck,” Wooyoung exhales.
“Perhaps it’s been too long since I engaged in that… I forgot how intense it would be for a human’s body.”
“Oh, it was intense alright.” The words slur together. All the strength is leaving Wooyoung’s body quickly, and instead a pleasant floating sensation takes over him. “Best orgasm I’ve ever had too, holy fuck.” A small huff of laughter escapes Seonghwa.
“I’ll spare you your challenge tonight. Any more strain on your body wouldn’t be good.”
Wooyoung has enough willpower to pout at those words, but Seonghwa’s resolve remains, and the vampire merely tuts and thumbs over Wooyoung’s chin.
“Now, now, doll. Only for tonight. We can break your record another time. For now, let me get you cleaned up so you can rest comfortably.”
“Towels in the bathroom…” Wooyoung drawls as his eyes fall shut again. He feels Seonghwa’s cold fingers brushing over his cheek once more before sleep overtakes him, dragging him down into a peaceful and dreamless rest.
↢ ♡ ↣
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Aplomb | kth
» Pairing: instructor!taehyung x blind!reader
» Word Count: 2,315
» Genre: vague angst/fluff/soft
» Warning(s): None; Rated: pg
» Summary: He always finds a way to bring the vision to you, even when you thought it could never be possible.
Credits to: @suhdays , the cover seriously embodies the aesthetic, thank you so much!
The rain is relentless causing clusters of cold, stringy grass to cling to your ankles while you amble past, palms palpating rough bark of tree trunks on either side, pushing your way through the mush, flinging dirt covers your shins, the scowl on your face must be ridiculous, but you're determined to find shelter regardless. A path ahead paves you through the woods, tangled brush mingles with fallen logs, decorating what you can imagine is the color green among the ground- your bare feet soaked along with your dress snug to your figure. The journey is long or appears that way, except when your eyes fall upon something peculiar in the distance.
Lily pads glide along the top of the water encircled by pickerels and horsetail plants, long blades of grass tickle each other in the wind, the rain ceasing especially when your gaze halts at the silhouette- his eyes are closed, hands crossed over his chest, merely floating letting the trivial splashes of the water drown his acoustic senses to nature. You're so intrigued by the scene, tiptoeing forward to see the subtle fall and rise of his chest- the water carrying him in a peaceful drift.
Bricks surround the pond holding in what it can, you nestle onto the ground, your eyes never moving from the sleeping frame. It's strange, everything around is simply what has been described to you, but something about him- something about him makes you feel as though you're not alone. You dip your feet into the water carefully, the mud washing away from your skin. When you inch closer, you peer at his face, what you imagine him to look like, a small freckle dotting his nose, pink lips resting in a content line, the curve of his jawline, and the beauty of what you imagine is soft brown eye-
-
Darkness is all you see when you jolt awake, panting at the realization that the man in your dream happened to open his eyes without your knowledge. Hence why your heart is thrumming beneath you, your hand hovering above your chest in order to remain calm. Though you can't see it, you can tell its daylight from the way your room feels, the heat soothing on the wooden floors the moment you maneuver your bare feet onto the ground. Palpating the covers of your bed, you search for your white cane that you typically leave leaning against the side of your bed frame; cautiously you arise when your fingers curl over the curved edge, slowly walking to your dresser to throw on whatever jeans and t-shirt you have clean.
You were five years old when you were pronounced blind. The sickness that overtook you robbed you of your sight, though years and years have passed, there are still things you don't necessarily remember, but your memory has reserved just enough for you to imagine. Tapping your cane along the floor, you pause, feeling for the denim in one drawer, then sliding open the next one and grabbing the first fabric you touch. Once dressed, you feel your way to the laundry basket, throwing your pajamas into it.
School for the blind. That's where you are because according to your parents there is always something to learn. Loneliness overwhelms you, especially when you wish your family would visit you, but in order to succeed, you must focus- according to your mother. If only she would understand how much strength it really takes for you to endure this then maybe she wouldn't be so distant. You prod to the bathroom, palms patting against the cool surface of the counter until you find your toothbrush, freshening up before retrieving your hairbrush, gently pulling it through your tousled strands, wincing at the pain when you hit scant knots. One thing you've missed out on that you wish you weren't forced to is what you've grown up to look like. You remember your hair color from when you were younger, the same as you remember the color of your eyes, yet the equivalent thought plagues you every day- how do you appear to other people?
"[Y/N]?" Taehyung, your instructor's, deep voice calls from your bedroom door, your head turning in that very direction. You tap your cane in front of you until your fingertips smooth along the top of a table, one that is set a foot away from your bedroom door.
"Good morning," you greet with a terse grin, your hearing is sensitive or has been nearly your whole life due to your condition since you hear Taehyung shifting fully away from the door and into your room.
"Good morning, [Y/N], are you ready for your review today?" his voice is soft- you hear the skid of him pulling a chair out, you brushing your hip along the rim of the table until you settle into the seat, the cushion comforting enough for you to feel at peace.
"I am," you reply, dropping your cane lightly on the ground as the sound of a heavy book is set in front of you.
"Good, I'm glad to hear it," you hear him taking a seat beside you- the flapping of book pages sinking the silence, "Alright," he clears his throat, "you may begin."
You raise your hand to find the book, sliding your fingertips along the page until you feel the familiar dots of braille. You murmur the letters to yourself until they form a word, "Cat," you say confidently, your fingers flying to the next word.
"Good job," Taehyung congratulates, and you feel the air from his palm gesturing you to continue. Though you can't see him, you always enjoy his company, his countenance brings a peace you wish you could feel when you're alone.
The single dot you feel, immediately you identify as 'a', your fingers pressing harder into the braille to figure the other letters, "Apple." You continue for another twenty minutes correctly reading words from left to right until you feel Taehyung moving the book away from you. "You know what I think?" he says leading to a drawn-out silence. You gulp, the pace of your heart slightly quickening as nervous jitters greet your stomach. You wait patiently for his response, imagining his fingers pinned to his lips in concentration. "I think it's time for sentences. A story if I want to be frank."
Your eyebrows furrow at his words, "A... story?"
"From what I've gathered, you already know braille inside and out. Have yet to make a mistake," his deep voice serenades you though you'll never admit it, just something so soothing about the way he enunciates his words and the encouragement brings a timid smile to your lips, "Why not read an entire story? Not from a teaching standpoint but an actual-"
"Book," you finish his sentence, "Like, a book book."
His chuckle reverberates in the room, and you imagine his smile inwardly wishing you could visually see it, "Exactly. Like a book book."
When you spread your fingers along the table, you happen to brush his, though unintentional, you freeze, his touch lingering before he clears his throat, closing the thicker book, and standing to his feet to retrieve what you assume is a story he has in mind for you.
"What- what is it about?" You question, turning your body to face the direction of his footsteps.
"That is something you will have to find out," and with that, he lays the book on the table in front of you, the slight touch of his arm against your shoulder giving you feelings you repudiate.
-
Swans swim across the glistening lake, their bright orange feet paddling beneath tinged green ripples. Tiger lilies bloom beside towering cattails giving ribbiting toads a place of refuge. Your heart swells at the scene, perfumes of cardinal flowers waft in your direction due to the subtle breeze. The sun rests directly between the sky and the hills ahead, its flames keeping the atmosphere warm, your feet kicking along the pavement while your hands remain on either side of the bench you are seated upon.
When darkness hovers over your eyes, you realize large palms are pressed against your eyelids, your heart hammering before turning to see his face. Bright teeth show below his squinting eyes, shoulders quaking from your ajar mouthed gape- he leans onto the back of the bench letting your humored eyes and shaking head deem his fate. Leading him to the edge of the stream like a character from a storybook, he's entranced by your seducing gaze, not prepared for the shove you give- him tumbling into the water backward, arms flailing producing droplets that nicker your cheeks.
Laughter from your lips is the music to his ears once he manages to stand to his feet- knee-deep and drenched- the swans fly off- their shadows hovering above- he reaches for you, lifting you by your waist, both of you plummeting simultaneously into the water. Your fingers grip his arms, him lifting you for air- the hilarity of the moment refusing to dispel. Automatically, your arms wrap around his shoulders, the warmth of his soaked chest allures you enough to where your eyes latch with his. You've read of a scenario similar to what you're fantasizing- the pause of realization when the characters hold their gaze, lips parting almost instinctively, tips of noses brushing yet you have no idea how to imagine the sensation of a kiss even with his breath swiping your chin. Desire to loom in every aspect, you move your fingertips to trace his face, letting his aura captivate-
-
"[Y/N]?"
Gasping, your shoulders tense, realization dawning that it's Taehyung, him appearing at your bedroom door in preparation for your next lesson. "I'm sorry, [Y/N], I didn't mean to frighten you. How has reading been going?" Taehyung's heart nearly melts when he sees your lips form the sweetest smile. You timorously face down, fidgeting your fingers, "I love it," you murmur, him settling in the chair beside you.
"In that case," though you can't see it, you can hear the smile in his voice, "how about we have our lesson outside, today?"
Worry clouds your expression at his proposal, "But- but I can't see it," your words are hardly above a whisper.
"Ah, but you can feel it,"
Taehyung remains by your side the entire walk outside of the school building, your cane tapping along in front of you though you trust that Taehyung will never let anything happen to you. Footsteps trample the pavement until they meet the quiet crunch of grass. Chirps of countless birds welcome you with the pooling sound of water- quacking ducks waddle along the edge- honking geese rattle off in the reserve.
"Where- where are we?" you stammer, your head poised as if you can see the Heavens. Taehyung's large hand slightly rests at the small of your back, leading you to a bench, helping you settle onto it, the metal warm from the sun rays that are evident.
"The lake," he answers once he sits next to you maintaining his distance, "It's too beautiful of a day to keep you cooped up in your room. I think you deserve a break." His words touch your heart a whole lot more than he knows. "Here," he says, his presence disappearing momentarily before you feel him relaxing into the seat beside you once again. Gesturing in your direction, you're uncertain of what he's doing- that's when soft fingers lead yours to feel the smoothness of something, the fragrance of it convivial to your nose, the leafy stem revealing it to be a flower.
"It feels," you breathe, "it feels beautiful."
"I knew you'd like it," you hear him sniff the floret, the urge you're fighting leaves you in defeat for you turn to face him, the curiosity imminent from every piece of your soul.
"Can I?" you pause, lifting your hand to level with where your shoulder is. Taehyung's eyes widen, swallowing the lump in his throat because the butterflies he's feeling reflect the thumping of your heart though neither of you voices it. With your fingertips, you find his chin, tracing tenderly along the edge of his jaw then moving toward his ear, tufts of hair tickle your fingers though you yearn to see the color of the soft strands. Sensibly your digits trail to find his eyebrows, discovering he's wearing a hat that covers the majority of his head- you then find his nose pausing over the spot you imagine a little freckle, soon brushing his lips, you unintentionally inch closer to him, his breath hitching though the burning crave between both of you is undeniably smothering.
"[Y/N], I-" Taehyung whispers.
"Please," you choke, your thumbs resting on the corners of his parted lips. You read in the story of how this feels, how the emotions between two people can be so strong- though the intent of the story was more to focus on nature- your heart mostly belonged to the love between the two characters. The love you long for with the man of your dreams. "Let me," your nose burns from the tears gathering in your eyes. When his large hands move to cup your face, you feel his forehead rest upon yours, his shaky breaths mirroring your own, giving you the permission you've so desperately longed for. Without further disinclination, you close the gap, his warm lips so soft you're nearly dizzy from the sensation; your face eases, your muscles relax as you melt into his kiss, you lean more into him, giving him a chance to embrace you completely.
You may not be able to see the world, in fact, you will never be able to envision it,
But you can feel it. Because right here in your arms, you have the world who's taught you the most.
The world who brings the vision to you.
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Taylor Swift: Pop Star of the Year
By: Jonathan Dean for The Sunday Times
Date: December 27th 2020
Rather than hunker down, the singer put out two albums in 2020 and won over new audiences. She’s the pop star of the year.
Taylor Swift met Paul McCartney in the autumn for a big interview in Rolling Stone. The two would have headlined Glastonbury this summer. Who knows if they will do that next year. Anyway, both recorded albums in lockdown, working from home like the rest of us. When they spoke, though, Swift had a secret. As well as Folklore, released in July, she had a follow-up record in the pipeline — Evermore, which was released this month.
Swift noted that the former Beatle was still so full of joy. “Well, we’re just so lucky, aren’t we?” he said. “We’re really lucky,” Swift replied. “I can’t believe it’s my job.” And she is right. Being a pop star is an extraordinary way to earn the living she does. But rather than accepting luxury and letting this tough year tumble on, Swift is also keenly aware what music means. Sad songs soothe, happy songs make us dance, but as fans of most artists waited for something — anything — this year, this 31-year-old released two albums that broke chart records, were critically adored and introduced her to people who once thought that she wasn’t for them.
“I’m so exhausted!” she said to the American chat show host Jimmy Kimmel, laughing, a few weeks ago, when asked if she had a third new album planned. “I have nothing left.” In addition to Folklore and Evermore, she filmed a TV special and even started rerecording her back catalogue, after a volatile dispute over who owns her work. By October I’d just about cobbled together my first sourdough loaf.
A decade ago Swift moved firmly into the limelight thanks to a squabble with Kanye West entirely of the rapper’s own making. In 2009, when Swift — then a nascent country music star — won the best female video award at the VMAs, West stormed on stage, grabbed her microphone and said that Beyoncé should have won. Swift was 19 — West was 32 — and she looked scared. This wasn’t just about her biggest moment yet being stolen, but also about her position in the pop hierarchy being questioned, very publicly, from the off. She stood there as that man bullied her. Apparently she left the stage in tears.
Years later West released Famous, with its infamous lyric “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/ Why? I made that bitch famous.” The alt-folk singer Father John Misty also wrote about sleeping with her. Every time that sort of thing happened, a powerful man in Swift’s industry was reducing a successful, talented, younger female to the level of a sex object. It was back-in-your-box belittling — as it was when a TV host groped her. (She successfully sued him.) While Swift herself would retort to West, as her music became less country, more slick pop, such retorts felt forced and gave the rapper too much of her oxygen. A nod to him on Folklore comes with the “Clowns to the West” line, but it is a sideshow now, not a headline.
Not that Swift’s life is entirely her own. She’s been one of the world’s bestselling female artists for a decade, coupled with curiosities such as a well-orchestrated relationship with Tom Hiddleston that kept her in the spotlight. Like many twentysomethings, Swift spent her youth apolitically, only to receive flak for staying silent during the 2016 US election. This year she endorsed Joe Biden, but what if she had wanted to stay quiet? Would the media have let her? She is under so much scrutiny that, after she made an innocuous hand gesture in a recent TV interview, similar to one women make to draw attention to domestic abuse, this headline ran: “Some people think Taylor Swift is secretly asking for help in her latest interview.”
Like many at the start of the pandemic she felt listless. The world we were used to was a wasteland, and we could only find the energy to watch Normal People. Swift’s ennui, though, was, well, swift. Stuck in LA, she emailed Aaron Dessner of the beloved beardy indie band the National to see if he fancied writing with her. No fool, Dessner said yes and, mere weeks later, the duo — with help from Swift’s regular collaborator Jack Antonoff as well as Justin Vernon, from the beloved beardy indie band Bon Iver — released Folklore. The gang just carried on working and, five months later, gave us Evermore.
Creativity is not on tap. Indeed, this year is not one for judging what others may or not have achieved. However, the silence of many big pop stars is striking because they know that even a single would make someone’s day; distract for a while.
Everyone needed to adjust to working from home, but Swift was one of the only musicians who did and, by eschewing the arena pop of recent albums for something more subdued, organic and folky, she gave the sense that she was letting fans in more than ever. She was at home, like us. This is who she is, and the first single from these sessions was so cosy, it was even called Cardigan.
“I just thought, ‘There are no rules any more,’” she told McCartney. “Because I used to put all these parameters on myself, like, ‘How will this song sound in a stadium?’ If you take away the parameters, what do you make? I guess Folklore.”
Maybe it is tedious, for a deft writer with a career of varied, brilliant songs — Love Story, I Knew You Were Trouble, Blank Space — to find respect from some people only when artists who appeal to middle-aged men start to work with her. On the other hand, pop has never been particularly welcoming to many until it sounds like something you are used to and, with delicate acoustics and gossamer-like piano, Swift’s two new albums recall, sonically, Nick Drake or Kate Bush. Thematically, lyrics seem to come from anywhere. Daphne du Maurier, for one. Even the Lake District and its poets.
Some songs are personal. She is dating British actor Joe Alwyn, and on one track she sings, “I want to give you a child.” Make of that what you will. But these records’ highlights are not about herself, but others. “There was a point,” she told Zane Lowe on Apple Music, “that I had got to as a writer, [where I was only writing] diaristic songs. That felt unsustainable.” Instead, she does what the best writers do and mixes subjective with objective. The Last American Dynasty is a terrific piece of writing about the socialite Rebekah Harkness, who lived in a Rhode Island house that Swift bought and was, by all accounts, a bit scandalous. Swift tells her story almost with envy. Imagine, she seems to say, that freedom.
“In my anxieties,” she said in Rolling Stone, “I can often control how I am as a person and how normal I act. But I cannot control if there are 20 photographers outside in the bushes and if they follow our car and interrupt our lives.”
Then there is Epiphany. The first verse is about her grandfather, who fought in the Second World War; the second about frontline workers in hospitals now. Sung in a high register, it is suitably choral. Marjorie, on Evermore, is even better. It is about her grandmother, an opera singer who died in 2003. “What died didn’t stay dead” is the repeated line, and it is eerie, gorgeous. Swift sings how she thinks Marjorie is singing to her, at which point some vocals from the latter’s recordings waft in. Touching, but the real power is in Swift writing about vague memories of a relative who died when she was young. “I complained the whole way there,” she sings. “I should’ve asked you questions.”
In person she is warm like this, and funny. When Kimmel told her there were far more swearwords on Folklore and Evermore than previous records, she replied: “It’s just been that kind of year.” She is also odder than people realise. In the way pop stars should be. Obsessed by numerology, she wrote, on the eve of her birthday when announcing Evermore: “Ever since I was 13, I’ve been excited about turning 31 because it’s my lucky number backwards.” When I turned 31 I just wished to be 13 again, with all that youth, but then, maybe, she is just joking. “Yes, so until I turn 113 or 131, this will be the highlight of my life,” she said. “The numerology thing? I sort of force it to happen.”
Swift, of course, is far from the first pop star to become public property, or have a close bond with fans. This year, however, she was one of the few to show that such adoration is not one-way. She is, simply, a fan of her fans — from planting secrets in her artwork and lyrics, to recording two albums of new music as a balm for them when real life became too deafening.
“One good thing about music,” sang Bob Marley. “When it hits you, you feel no pain.” The 80.6 million who streamed Folklore on its first day will attest to that idea. So will the four million who bought it. Swift is pop star of the year, no doubt — leaving her peers in her wake, on their sofas, rewatching The Sopranos.
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Big Girls Cry || KakaSaku
[Based on a prompt: shuffle your music, pick a random line in the song and start your fic with it.]
“I wake up.”
Hotaru-sensei gazed passively at Sakura, her gaze neither dissecting nor empathetic. The elegant arch of her wrist rested delicately on her note pad, her pen poised ready.
“I wake up,” Sakura repeated, though her words have not gained any conviction. She merely sounded defeated.
“What do you do when you wake up?”
Sakura seemed to ponder this for a moment. “I ... cry. Sometimes. Or I roll right back to sleep.” She bit her lip. “Look ... I know what you’re going to say. That this is just my depression, or my way to escape my trauma or whatever. But I don’t see how this is going to help.”
“Haruno-sensei,” Hotaru-sensei leveled her with a flat look. “When a patient of yours clearly needs a wheelchair, not because he is not capable of walking, but because walking will most definitely worsen his injury, and he refuses the wheelchair, maybe because he has the outlook that needing a wheelchair is a sign of weakness and he’s clearly anything but ... tell me, what would you do?”
The faintest flickers of a smile, a ghost upon Sakura’s lips as she recalled numerous similar incidents: “I’d make him use it anyway.”
Hotaru-sensei nodded. “So then let’s apply the same principle here. You are from your own perspective dealing with this on your own, feeling that eventually, with time, you will move on. And that talking about what you’ve been through is a sign of weakness, while in fact, talking, and coming to terms with what happened and how you feel about it is what will truly help you move on. What will I do in this case?”
Sakura sighed. “Make me talk anyway?”
Hotaru-sensei smiled. “Correctly observed, Haruno-sensei. Now, tell me what you’ve had for breakfast.”
Sakura faltered a moment, shaking her head at the abrupt subject change. “Um. An apple.”
“Just an apple?”
“I had tea as well.”
“How would you describe the breakfasts you used to have when Hatake-san was around?”
Sakura’s lip quivered some. She swallowed thickly as she said: “U-um... we would have miso soup. That’s—was—his favorite. Steamed rice. Tsukemono. Kobachi. Traditional stuff really.”
“What else does he like?”
“Kakashi? Um. He liked dogs. Books. Gardening. He had a lot of hobbies. He talked to his plants.” Sakura laughed hoarsely.
“Mhm. Would you describe him as eccentric then?”
“No. Maybe. I loved that he was a little strange. He always had the most random facts on the tip of his tongue. Did you know a human can swim through a blue whale’s veins?”
Hotaru-sensei sighed softly. Put her pen down. “Why had, Sakura-san. Why was.”
Sakura took a quivering breath. “Because he’s not here anymore.”
“But he is,” Hotaru-sensei stressed. “He’s not dead.”
“He’s in a coma.” Sakura sat back, glaring at Hotaru. “A vegetable.”
“You said it yourself that there is a chance he could wake up.” Hotaru-sensei reasoned. “Is that not true?”
“I said the chances of him waking up are slim.” Sakura hugged her body. Her complexion was ashen and paling under Hotaru’s placating stare. “I can’t even take him off life support because the council threatened to charge me with murder.”
Tears come suddenly. They stream down her face silently. “This isn’t what he would’ve wanted,” she shook her head, a soft sob echoing from her.
“Perhaps... What do you want?”
“I want him back,” she said, voice pleading. “I want him back so bad I’m ready to crush the moon, or collect the stars or bottle the sea. I’d do anything—anything—to have him back.”
Hotaru sighed softly. “You know that’s not how it works Haruno-san.”
“I know,” she said numbly. “I know more than most.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“Like I’ll never be whole again,” Sakura buried her face in her hands, took a trembling, strained breath. “Like my lungs will strangle themselves and kill me.”
Hotaru put her pen down. “Alright I think that’s enough for today.”
Sakura nodded.
“Before you go, I want us to work through the breathing exercise together, alright?”
Sakura nodded again, taking a shaky inhale.
“Take a deep breath ... one, two, three, four, five ... exhale ... one, two, three, four, five...”
Her mind drifted, even whilst her body sunk into the rhythm of a breath after a breath after a breath.
Did you know that lungs can float on water? The memory came unbidden.
Sakura didn’t know; couldn’t have imagined since she felt like she was drowning all the time.
Yeah, it’s the only organ that can do that. Pretty sick, huh?
The memory didn’t matter then. It hardly mattered now when her lungs were made of lead. What she remembered most was his mouth; the pucker of his lips, the upward curve of a smile, the sharp canine grazing flesh. She hadn’t been paying attention; at least not enough to remember what he said next although she had a vague sense that it was important. Sakura had been too taken by the urge to kiss him.
You’re the strangest man I know.
I know. And you’re the most wonderful person I know.
The breath caught in her throat
Vicious hotness pooled behind her eyes but Sakura forced it down, and took another one, and another.
What do you think happens in the afterlife?
I’m not sure I believe in it. A bunch of dogs I’d hope. Maybe books would grow on trees, that’d be nice. A river of miso? Man now that would be sick.
A smile, so painful, but so helpless, touched her mouth.
That’s all it’d take to make you happy?
Well, yes. And you. Most of all, you. But that’s a given.
Her breath quivered again. Maybe she was never meant to breathe easily again.
“Good work, Haruno-san. Well, you know the drill, I’ll see you on Thursday.”
Sakura bid her goodbye and made her way to Kakashi’s hospital room, to where she spent her days and nights lately.
She walked in hoping against hope that his eyes would be open, just like she always did after a grueling session with Hotaru-sensei.
And just as always, they weren’t.
Sakura’s back touched the wall, defeated yet again, but her legs didn’t give like she feared. From her perch on a dull wall, suffocating on clinical scents that ate her Kakashi away day by day, she watched his chest rise and fall with each breath the machines forced into his lungs.
“I hope you’re breathing for the both of us,” she told him, voice rough.
Maybe in the end, she was more angry than hurt. That he’d dare go first. That he’d dare chain himself to a bed in the place he hated. That he went and hurt himself so badly even she couldn’t save him.
“I hope you can hear this,” she went on. “I want you to know this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
His chest rose and fell again, hypnotising, its own kind of sick addiction. His face, even deadly pale, still held an ethereal sort of refinement, like he was more angel than human.
“And you’re an asshole.”
“And I hate you.”
“Almost as much as I fucking love you, which is a lot. Which is more than I can bare. So I hope you find the good grace in your heart, or a shred of sympathy in it for me, and open your eyes.”
The steady heart rate on the monitor remained unchanged. Her eyes swam until she could no longer map the cresting lines of what powered the things she loved most in the world.
“I see,” she said after a moment, strangled. “Well then, you know the drill. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
And when he didn’t open his eyes, Sakura forced her lips around a whisper. “Good night, Kakashi.”
Fascinating how basic functions like movement, the things she depended on, on day to day basis to stay alive, could fail her so suddenly. Her legs refused to move. And why should they when what they sought was home, but home was no longer there.
She watched him a moment longer, until her lungs burned so much she doubted she could move at all.
Did you know ... that falling asleep next to you makes me the happiest?
Movement. Perhaps his calling from another life; his soul reaching out for her for one final request. Sakura’s feet carry her over to his prone body without thought, into the nook by his side, into the only place she felt whole. She curls into him and cries, and cries and cries.
I think I prefer waking up next to you. You do have the most ridiculous bed hair.
.
.
.
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1115
survey by vintagekid
Name:
Robyn.
Happy with it?
I am now, but I certainly wasn’t as a kid. Other kids were cruel and would tease me solely for my name, which made it hard for me to socialize. I got the same bad Batman jokes too many times and I also got called a boy. These seem petty now, but as a kindergartener adjusting to life in school, it had been traumatizing and made me wonder if my classmates were going to remain the way they were for the long run which no 4-year-old should be mulling about, really.
Do you wear stilettos?
When I get the chance, which isn’t very often at all. But I do love stilettos.
How important are looks to you?
I find this question very vague, but generally looks matter to me to a certain extent, like how I’d want to look nice and proper for a job interview or for formal occasions such as weddings. Relationship-wise, I also think I have to feel a level of physical attraction towards someone for me to consider seeing them.
How often do you download music?
I don’t anymore. I stream all my music.
Can you name a philosopher?
Socrates.
What would you do if two unicorns tried to whisk you off to candy mountain?
I just looked this up and this is apparently in reference to an ancient viral video, like it was around before viral videos were even a universally-acknowledged concept. That said, I don’t have a clue how to respond to this lmao.
You became the deciding vote in an election, which party would you go for?
I don’t base my voting decisions on parties because the party system in my country is a tragically broken shitstorm in which every single party rallies the same values and principles, just executed in their own – and usually poor and unsustainable – ways. I do my research on each candidate, see how they answer in debates, look at laws they’ve authored, see which marginalized groups they proactively support (if they do), and decide from there.
Do you have a bzoink account?
I don’t but I’ve been a semi-regular visitor since like 2009.
How many phone calls do you typically make in a day?
Zero. People usually call me.
What song are you listening to?
Tell Me It’s Okay by, surprise surprise, Paramore.
Do you understand things others your age do not?
I don’t know. Maybe. Everyone’s bound to understand some things better than others.
Do you hate people that label themselves?
Why would I hate that? And why would their chosen label be my business?
How many windows do you have open?
None. There’s plenty of mosquitoes at night, so even though the cold evening air would been pleasant to have we have to keep the windows closed by nighttime.
How superstitious are you?
Not at all.
If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in?
I’ve been told either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.
Which comedian can always crack you up?
It’s not a habit of mine to watch comedians.
Are you nagged about being on the computer too much?
Not since I was a teenager. Since college I’ve been doing most of my work, if not all of it, through my laptop, and I think my parents understand that I have to use it all the time.
Do you feel bad about anything you've done lately?
Nothing comes to mind, no.
What's your texting bill typically like?
My SIM is prepaid, so it works the other way around. I put load credits in it only if I know I’ll have to call/text/surf regularly.
What song did you/do you want played at your wedding?
Turning Page by Sleeping At Last.
Do you have a lot or hardly any lines on your palms?
Idk, a decent amount I guess? I don’t think it hits either extreme.
What's your favourite word?
Poignant.
Are you allowed to swear in front of your parents?
Yeah. They’ll shoot me a glare sometimes, but I’m in my 20s and...they know they can’t really do anything about it anymore lol.
Do you eat apples?
No.
What are your addictions?
Coffee, I suppose.
What are some words you use in daily life?
I use intensifiers often, like very, really, super, absolutely, etc. I’m also big on expressions hahaha like oh my god, seriously, for real, and ugh.
Do you look things up on Google constantly?
Yes.
Where do you get your music from?
Spotify. Sometimes YouTube if I wanna look for a leak.
What do you think of people with afros?
That they are people with afros...? I don’t really know what you’re looking for me to say, lmfao.
--
survey by charey-chas
Do you like getting your picture taken?
Not for the most part. My body instantly gets all frozen and awkward when a camera’s placed in front of me, which I hate because I do wish I could have more photos of myself around.
Is your phone anywhere near you?
It is not, actually. It feels great and I really should start making it a habit to keep it away from me entirely on weekends.
Do you ever enjoy going to school?
In my first school, I enjoyed going mainly (and probably only) for my friends; but Catholic school was predominantly a torturous experience. The rigidity isn’t something I look back fondly on, and it felt like being kept on a tight leash for 14 years. College was a lot more enjoyable in every way possible. I liked going to (most of) my classes and learning as much as I loved the vibrant org culture and the general freedom that comes with university life.
Have you ever gone on a road trip?
Lots. The Philippines is a relatively small country and unless you want to jump to a different island altogether, there are many provinces you can readily travel to by car.
Who do you get along with best in your family?
Nina, my sister. Then my dad. I clash a lot with my mom and I don’t talk to my brother.
Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be?
Cats and I don’t get along very well hahaha but I think I’m similar to them.
Would you ever buy anything from an infomercial?
Maybe once, just to be able to say that I have.
Have you ever made a snow angel?
No, because I’ve never seen snow before.
Have you stayed in a hotel in the last month?
No. We had a brief getaway in Tagaytay but we switched things up and went to rent a condo, instead of book a hotel room, for a weekend.
What's your most comfortable outfit?
If I want to go for comfortable, I usually go for my rompers or jumpsuits.
Do you text or IM more?
IM these days.
Would you rather listen to music or play it?
Listen. I have no music-playing skills whatsoever.
Have you ever been in a hot tub?
Sure.
Do you like pizza?
LOVE IT
Are you sleeping in your own bed tonight?
Yes. If not here, the couch. But most likely it will my bed tonight.
Are any of your friends having a sleepover right now?
I doubt it. Angela and Hans had an overnight stay in Batangas a few days ago for their Valentine’s shenanigans though, which I guess kinda counts as a sleepover.
Have you ever been to a house party?
I don’t think so. That’s something I missed out on in my college days, but I don’t mind.
Do you listen to your iPod or the radio when you're in the car?
I think I keep a good balance. If my phone’s battery is not very high I’ll rely on the radio; and sometimes I’ll sync my phone’s Spotify to the car as well.
--
survey by charey-chas
What song is stuck in your head at the moment?
RAVI’s BUM.
What's your fathers' middle name?
He doesn’t have a second name, but I’m not sharing his legal middle name on here either.
How many hours a day do you spend on the computer?
On work days, I’d say 8-10 hours. On weekends, maybe a little slightly less than that since I do like getting off the laptop sometimes to rest my eyes.
Could you live without the internet?
People from the past managed to live without it, so I know I can. It would just be extremely inconvenient; and having been dependent on it for such a long time now, I would likely be clueless on how to navigate most activities.
What's something you're really into?
Learning about cultural differences!! That’s why reading survey answers has always been fascinating to me. I would love a website that dives into the various everyday behavior people observe in other countries, but the ones that do exist use like 20- or 30-year-old sources, so they aren’t even relevant at all anymore.
What's the last movie you saw in theaters?
Knives Out.
Have you ever seen a movie in 3D or in an IMAX theater?
Just once. It was Denise and Leigh’s 18th birthday treat and they brought us to watch Doctor Strange in 3D.
Do you prefer skirts, shorts, or skorts?
Shorts.
Have you ever vandalized?
Just a few school chairs in grade school, but otherwise I’m too paranoid for vandalism lol.
What's the longest you've stayed up?
Maybe a little longer than 24 hours.
Who'd you have a sleepover with last?
Gabie.
When's the last time you baked something?
Nearly a decade ago. Our oven was new at the time and I wanted to try baking cookies.
Do you like to dance?
When I’m alone.
Do you scratch mosquito bites, even though you're not supposed to?
Yup.
Are you afaid of spiders or do you like them?
I mean I’m not fond of them, but I also don’t scream and run away when I see them. I just don’t care for them for the most part.
What's a pet you've always wanted?
I’ve only ever wanted dogs, and now I’ve got two of them.
Do you like mice?
Not really.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Sure. I’ve been considering it for a while now; it’s just a matter of being able to save up for one.
Do you prefer to walk in the street or on the sidewalk?
Street, if it’s bare and safe enough. Otherwise if I’m in a busy city with regulations and all I’d obviously rather be on the sidewalk.
What's your favorite t-shirt?
My CM Punk Best in the World merch.
Who did you last think about?
I remembered Deina when I was thinking about the tattoo question. She got a pawprint tattoo on her wrist shortly before her senior dog passed away and ever since learning about it I’ve also been thinking about getting the same tattoo.
Do you like giving hugs?
I love giving hugs and it’s an automatic response for me whenever I see someone I love, which is why Covid is such a torture for me.
Do you prefer hardwood flooring or carpeting?
Hardwood.
Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday?
No. I got a car when I was 17, around six months before I started college.
Have you ever eaten a worm?
No but I’d be willing to try.
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