#apparently this is what im going to be screaming about on my blog this week

[sojourner-between-worlds]

OKAY ARE WE JUST GONNA IGNORE CHIKA'S "I'D HATE IT IF YOU WERE GONE" AND KOUTA'S REACTION TO THAT

[ask-serendipity-sky]

"I cannot for the love of the gods come up with a theory on why Jk is ok with getting all this nice promo while Jimin got nothing". How about u try to change your solo perspective that makes u look at jimin like a victim all the time? Jimin GOT promotions, and a big one, money related. He had 2 mv that took a lot of budget and preparations: the 2 mv needed sets to be created, and SMFPT2 set was HUGE. He promoted at korean music shows, which too took a lot of money to build those giant sets. Yes, he did have a short promotion period, for reasons we dont know but my guess is that Suga needed to do his comeback because of the tour and i hate the person who came up with those dates but ok... We all know Face promotions got some biiiig problems and im still mad about it, we just dont know what really happened, but i'm sure jimin would fight back if he thought he was being mistreated. But to say that jm got zero promotions... nah

Face, Like Crazy and Seven r different projects, with different visions and different goals. Jimin wanted to tell his story of when he was going through a hard time, and he wanted to do it in korean, promoting more in Korea, with songs that, in the end, only him and people close to him know the meaning. Yet, he did AMAZING and made history (is still making). It seems to me that the #1 on hot100 was unexpected to the company and even jm, but yet they did provided to us 2 versions of Like Crazy, one of them being an eng. ver, and promoted at Jimmy Fallon... So maybe they still hoped that the song would do well internationally? (pdogg tho... he just KNEW face would be massive and destroy kpop). But Jungkook... i think that, for a long time now, he aims to achieve western recognition, way more than jm, and thats ok. So Seven obviously is a song to the US market, and all of us know that. The song is in english, is very pop, written and produced by an american guy that is responsable to other huge hits. It is made to be stuck in our heads, not to make us think about deep things. It is breaking and will break so many records just like LC, but the difference is that the success is THE GOAL (remember all of that Scooter posts on his ig?). Jimin wanted to tell his truth with Face, Jk wants to be closer to being a big pop star with Seven. So, of course Seven would get a different type of promotion.

And btw, just because the song is doing really good and is aiming to the US market, doesnt mean it is by having deals and paying for playing. Its the Jeon Jungkook, of BTS, we are talking about. Jk seems very happy and jimin seems happy for him. I dont think jimin would support jk if he thought he was doing wrong. He didnt post anything, but he did not post about L&R and Dreamers too. He supported jk with Dreamers by posting about his presentation at Qatar, and now he supported seven by going all the way to NYC to be with him.

All of this to say: Jimin is not a victim, he is a badass and he knows how to stand up for himself. When will you come out as a solo, btw? its getting old...

Hi anon,

When will you try thinking for once instead of being a parrot and writing what you've read in other blogs?

Your entire ask is wrong. I don't even know where to start.

YOU sound like a jjk solo or delusional jikooker or Jk biased jikooker.

But you know what? Call me a solo. I don't mind. Anyone who ever defends Jimin or loves Jimin is always called a solo. Why? Because no body else defends him or loves him like solos do. So, sure. Call me a solo.

First of all, we are talking about THE Park Jimin. Of BTS. That's who are talking about.

I'm done with people who, somehow for some delusional reason, think Jimin is inferior to Jungkook. You know nothing about Jimin if you think this.

I've NEVER said that Jimin got 0 promotions. I've been screaming (into the void, apparently) that Jimin only got 9 days of promo that were too hard on his body and had to wear it kt tape for weeks after. I've been screaming that the company is sabotaging him and it's true. People who actually know things about the company know this quite well too.

Take a look at everything and the sabotage is obvious. But look let's start here:

This same guy posts on DC gallery:

Yes, Jimin's promo costs money. But so did everyone's. How much do you think payola costs? That's much pricier than what Jimin's promo costs. And either way, Jimin was a return investment.

Not only did Jimin's place on the charts affect Hybe. It also affected other companies.

And right now the stock at Hybe at decreasing and foreign shareholders are selling to make it seem like Jk's position on the chart will have a bigger impact than it actually will:

Just watch.

You are proving me right with everything else:

So sure, let's sacrifice Jimin's promo time for Suga even though Suga was the one that postponed his album because it wasn't ready.

Jimin had 2 mvs. Suga had how many? And he had a whole tour too.

Jimin didn't have any visualizers. Jk had how many?

Jimin had 5 versions of Like Crazy. Jk has how many?

Jimin's Like Crazy cd was never stocked. Jk's has been stocked how many times?

You think Jimin doesn't want international recognition? Like Crazy was released in ENGLISH for a purpose.

After Jimin's no.1, if they wanted Like Crazy to succeed in the US market, they would have at least sent it to radio. This would have avoided freefall. They would have also shipped albums on time. They would have also informed us of the rule change for online sales instead of waiting until Suga's album was coming out.

It was the fans that were begging radio to play Like Crazy and the only way to play it was from the mv on YouTube:

There are so many things they could have done differently. They can still do them but they choose not to.

Did you see what was trending today?

Did you trend this, anon? Since you are so "mad about this"?

You think FACE wasn't created with success in mind? Pdogg came out and said it would break kpop because Pdogg knew what masterpiece FACE is.

You don't have to think deep with Like Crazy or any of the song...um just listen to them?

And don't be daft about Seven:

And other things. Search "Seven payola" on twitter and you will find it.

So yeah. You are wrong.

If you don't see it, that's because you choose to not see it.

Stop pretending that you "are still mad about it". You don't care about Jimin and only want him for your stupid ship and for him to be Jk's cheerleader.

Ah and he went to NYC for a work thing and to support Jungkook. But he hasn't posted a single thing about Seven. He did post about Dreamers and Left and Right. But no Seven.

You think Jimin only wanted those close to him to listen to his music and know the meaning? He spent 10 months working on this album, hours practicing choreography, dieting, for stupid fans like you to say things like these?

I don't even want to see when he releases new music, appears in stuff with Jungkook, or leaves for military service. All these fake fans will be crying and uwuing when they couldn't lift a finger for him during all this.

To those that try to send others on guilt trips because we defend Jimin or point out the injustices: Are you guys even streaming Seven and Like Crazy to "support them equally"?

At least taekookers have taekook playlists and streaming parties for Jk and Tae. I haven't seen a single playlist around here that has both Jk and Jimin. But yeah, you all are supporters of jikook.

You all come and try to send me on a guilt trip but you all are worse than me. For reals.

You don't deserve Jimin. You and all the people who keep saying all this bullshit because it fits their stupid theories and shipping fantasies don't deserve him.

Jimin deserves so much more than this.

So just stop. Don't come to my blog.

[katesadventureworld]

    The Grinder Experience

** DISCLAIMER this blog features topics words and language that may not be suitable for under 18s adult supervision advised.**

Hey boos…  so, this was meant to be a sort of lighthearted look into the world of using Grinder and other dating apps. but recently I’ve been hit with a reminder to why so many people like myself find it hard to find dates, or struggle with there mental health…

Before we get into that let me explain Grinder! I’ve been on grinder on and off for quite a number of years now in that time I’ve made 2 friends and had to block at least 200 people…. so why is this? Well in general My experience with grinder had been full of fake profiles creepy old guys and people who want to blind date apparently. ( There profile has NO photos and they then send a dick pic as an opening… ew.) It’s an extremely frustrating app trying to find someone close by and who is genuine. (I’m also very fussy. so that doesn’t help me personally) Though on occasion there are some lovely people who pop up who just want to chat or leave a really nice complement even though they know they aren’t what I’m looking for.  But for the most half I’m bombarded with messages such as ( And these are genuine messages) “ Fuck me ur hot I’d deffo smash ur tight little pussy” “come sit on daddys lap baby ill show you a good time” or my personal dis-favorite “Wow your hot Ide deffo bend you over with my hand on your throat and fill you up with my cum then eat your ass out you want that baby “ Safe to say anyone who sends me those as opening lines get blocked instantly like WHY would you send messages like that sometimes accompanied with the worst dick pics I’ve ever seen as an opening WHO IS THIS WORKING ON! Its so distasteful and disrespectful and makes the App a vile place to be.

Before I move on to the competitors (Tinder POF Hinge and Badoo ) lets address my biggest issue with dating apps, Mainly Grinder and why this isn’t the light hearted look I wanted it to be.

You see, I identify as a “Trans woman” as this is easier to explain my situation (Please read my previous Blog “Me and Him” for more..) This can give some people easy ammo to use if I ignore them or simply don’t reply and delete there messages, it seems if you don’t reply they take it as I must try again and again and each time get a little bit more ruder, in the past I’ve been called all sorts and perhaps there is another blog in there somewhere about that, But just today as I write this post I was on grinder checking my messages and I received a message from a guy I simply didn’t reply too from 2 days ago, - I’ve been busy!  So his simple way of getting my attention and ending our chat was this. again, this Is a genuine message “ You are an arrogant man” now, Those who know me know I simply do not and will not accept any slander like this aimed at me or to anyone I know that said this hit me hard I’m already struggling with my MH at the moment although I don’t talk about it, so this comment has sent me into a spiral.  I AM NOT A MAN. IM NOT MANLY IM NOT A CROSSDRESER I AM NOT A TRANSVESTITE I AM A WOMAN.  I do constantly worry that I don’t look beautiful or feminine enough something that’s led me to hide away at home rather than go out shopping this week or do something I wanted to do which was write up some blogs in a coffee shop for a change of scene. I’ve been unable to be free due to my own thoughts getting to me so when I received this message I just wanted to try and scream at them Ironically I did reply with “WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME” and before I had a chance to get a reply or block them they had blocked me, so I guess I won without trying but this isn’t the first comment of this type I’ve got on this app, And although its slowed down a lot it still happens and it’s really not right in this day an age..

It’s only fair I now delve into the other apps I use So how do the other apps compare with grinder?

-Tinder … YAWN… same type of “Fuck boys” over and over I’m tired of swiping left! But those who I have matched with seem genuine with only one “Bott” now and again but they are so easy to figure out and block it doesn’t affect the overall experience of swiping left.. 3/10

-Badoo …. Notification central… and my god it’s a bit weird it had the same features as tinder with more options to see people and chat or send likes on their photos, but it just seems a little confusing like do people see the likes or what?? You also can’t message unless you match so what’s the point of being able to see them off the swipe feature?  So far seem like lots of genuine people on there and although I don’t think I’ll find Mr/Mrs/Them/There Right I think it’s a great place to make friends. BUT MY GOD ARE THE NOTIFICATIONS ANNOYING!  1/10

-  POF… Perhaps the most legendary app who hasn’t been on it right! Well, it seems to have died off almost completely, The old features I once enjoyed are gone, and the profiles seem to be people who forgot to delete them! shame as it could be good but they ruined it ,  1/10

- Hinge … well they say in there marketing it’s the app designed to be deleted.  YES it sure is get it in the bin its awful. You get like 5 likes a day.  There is so many tabs at the bottom that seem to do nothing to help you find someone it really is crap. 0/10 would not recommend.

And as for grinder….. Well, what can I say, its got me some attention and I’ve met up with one bad person. (currently writing that blog but its very hard to write.)  but also met up with a handful of respectable people I’ve had fun with. It’s not an app I want to use. But at the same time where would I be without it, I check it daily and nothing ever changes, 5/10 for me…  

With all of this said I am still trying to find genuine people to date but I’m so exhausted with it all. And must add that if I get ANY messages from people on grinder that do not match what I’m looking for to save the hassle of potential spam/ Hate messages I do block them straight away… maybe one day ill find an app that works or who knows meet someone who makes me want to never use them again!

Thanks for reading boos be great to know what you think of my blogs and what you experiences on apps have been I’ve been Katie-Mae Ellis and this has been a Kates adventures blog.

[etherrealoblivion]

A Broken System (part two)

PART ONE

gif by @toyboxboy​

A/N: A THOUSAND FOLLOWERS!!! here’s a treat! part two!!!

tags: smut, part two.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Words: 5,930

MASTERLIST

~

“Professor Reid!” Morgan shouted, holding up his drink, clinking it against Spencer’s. 

Morgan had dragged him out the night before his first class, insisting that they needed to celebrate. Spencer didn’t really see what there was to celebrate. He’d been offered a job as a Professor at Georgetown after a particularly eloquent lecture on Criminology. At first, though, he hadn’t been too keen on the idea. He was good at his job as a profiler, why change that? It was something Hotch had said that changed his mind.

“You’re a great profiler, Reid. You’ve learned so much. Maybe it’s time to teach the next genius.”

And then it had clicked. Something about sharing his experience with bright young faces that sat where he once did, just felt right.

So he accepted the offer the week before first term, the school scrambling to get the paperwork in order and Spencer scrambling to prepare a lesson plan.

It hadn’t occurred to him that teaching would be more time-consuming than profiling.

“Whoo! Professor!” Garcia cheered, downing her fourth shot of the night. “Teach me somethin’. Now!” she slurred, spilling a bit of her drink on Prentiss.

Spencer laughed, politely excusing himself to use the bathroom.

Technically he did go to the bathroom. He splashed some water in his face, then stepped outside to call a cab. He’d go back in, say his ride was on its way, and leave. Simple. 

Before he could pull out his phone, he noticed a woman bent over in the alley, breathing heavily. Reaching out a hand, he placed it on her shoulder, trying to be comforting.

Quickly, he was spun around and slammed up against the brick wall of the alley.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Dammit. Spencer knew better than to grab some girl in a back alley behind a club.

But then he turned around.

Woah.

There was a fierce look in her eye, sizing him up. She had on a tight black skirt that perfectly accentuated her curves along with a flowy top that left more to the imagination. What really completed the ensemble was the large sash across her front that said: Birthday Bitch. She was beautiful.

No.

Spencer didn’t let himself think that. Sure, he could appreciate a woman’s beauty. But too much of a good thing…. He had to keep up his barrier. 

But then she started to talk. And he didn’t stand a chance.

The way she went on about handshakes and the dangers of going clubbing was extremely adorable. Spencer found himself unable to hold back from bantering with her. Unlike almost every single woman he’d ever encountered, she was easy for him to talk to. The occasional stutter slipped out but she just smiled when it did.

Then she kissed him. 

If he hadn’t been attracted before, he was now. Her lips tasted like bourbon and cherries. The feel of her against him was intoxicating. So he walked her home, trying his best to keep his expectations low. If she truly just wanted him to walk her home safely, that’s what he’d do, make sure she was safe and sound, and leave without complaint. If she happened to want more than that, who was he to say no?

It wasn’t like he’d never had sex. Actually, the two most serious relationships he’d had had barely consisted of touching. But he’d had other . . . experiences. The problem was, he’d only had sex with women he’d known for a day or two. Mostly in college. Sometimes online. Never at a club. 

Spencer had rules. He didn’t let himself get attached. If he started to feel a spark, he cut off contact. It was the only way to make sure no one was hurt.

But this girl…. She made him throw every rule out the window.

A deep, dark part of him wished he hadn’t asked how old she was turning. God, how wrong was that.

He should have arrested her. She had been in a club, drunk, and went home with a stranger. But she’d also kissed him. And he was pretty sure she felt his erection in the alley. How the hell was he supposed to explain that?

“Hey Morgan, I brought this girl in for having a fake ID. I figured it out just before I was going to go into her apartment and fuck her up the wall. Don’t worry she’s only fourteen years younger than me and slightly inebriated.”

That would go over great.

Okay, so he couldn’t arrest her. But he most certainly couldn’t - to be crude - fuck her up the wall as he’d planned. He’d just say that this was a terrible mistake and let her off with a warning.

It was a solid plan.

Then she called him sir.

Spencer was ashamed at the speed he gave in. Before he knew it, his mouth was on her clit and his fingers buried in her pussy. The sound of her begging him to fuck her was a sound he’d never forget.

And then he was inside her. His bones turned to jelly and his tongue melted down his throat. This had to be what heaven felt like. Pure, unadulterated, paradise.

Who was this girl?

The orgasm was absolutely earth-shattering. He hadn’t been with anyone in so long, he was surprised he lasted as long as he had. He was so pleased he’d been able to make her come. Good to know that sex skills weren’t something that could be unlearned.

When she’d asked him to stay, every bone in Spencer’s body screamed yes. He knew it was a bad idea. One of his biggest rules was don’t stay the night. He wanted to so badly, but he couldn’t. He could not. There was no way.

“I’d like that too.”

Shit.

~

His alarm went off at six-thirty. Y/N was coiled so tightly up against him that getting up seemed futile.

Apparently she was a heavy sleeper. He was able to gently withdraw his arm and check his phone.

Twenty-nine messages.

My man! It’s that Professor vibe you give off now. You got game.

Spence, Morgan told me you picked up a girl? Are you back in the game? Use protection! -JJ

Spencie!! OMG!! Do you like her? What color are her eyes? Does she like Doctor Who? When’s her birthday? What type of-

He pressed clear all, deleting the messages and getting dressed. He had his first class at seven-thirty and he really needed to shower and change. But he didn’t wanna leave Y/N.

Pulling out a notecard from his wallet, he scribbled her a quick note, kissed her on the forehead, and slipped out the door, locking it before it closed.

He was halfway home before he understood the weight behind what he’d done. He’d had sex with a twenty-year-old that he’d met outside a club. And he’d planned to meet with her again. 

What the fuck was he doing?

~

He made it to his office just in time, surprised to see that it had already been set up for him.

The desk was a dark chestnut, bits and baubles placed around it to make him feel at home. There was some paperwork in the center that he’d deal with later. Right now, he had a class to teach.

He opened the door to the lecture hall and walked in, briefly daunted by the sea of faces staring at him.

Come on Spencer, it’s just like a guest lecture.

“Hello, class.”

“Hello.”

Spencer found himself smiling at the way all of the students had chimed in. This wouldn’t be too weird.

“Please take out your laptops and create a new word document. Once you’ve done that, open your email, please.”

As the students scrambled to follow instructions, he perused their faces, making note of expressions, seat choice, and enthusiasm level.

Then his confidence flew out the window.

Seated next to a redhead in the fourth row was the unmistakable shocked expression of -

Y/N?

~

~

notes: so i am no longer doing taglists im really really sorry it’s just way too much of a hassle. BUT i pretty much only post fanfic and don’t really reblog stuff or get a lot of asks soooo if you wanna check for new content, it’ll be on my blog! sorry again <3

[smutty-ki113r]

*Intercom turns on*

Hello my lovely listeners and seekers of the dark~

I’ll have you know that I have a personal story of an experience that has happened to an anon you all know very well~

It was purely coincidence to find out we’re anons on the same blog~

But this story was told by ✨ on a call with me~

Ahem let’s get into our story dear seekers of the dark!~

I was seventeen at the time it happened

I was babysitting a kid for some extra cash before I started my senior year in high school

I needed the cash for college rent and I decided that hey my neighbors are pretty damn rich why not babysit their stupid spoiled kid

I wish I never did to be honest

That kid was fucking creepy as hell

Always smiling always laughing and pointing into thin air

An imaginary friend I thought as I continued to make the kid some dinner

When I heard giggling I thought the kid was watching some cartoons

As I walked out and set down the kids food I went to grab something for myself seeing how my parents got me some McDonald’s for doing something nice I opened it up and began eating my happy meal

Time went on and the kid kept staring at me of course I didn’t think much of it I know how kids are I used to babysit my younger cousins

Maybe it was because I was tired or maybe it was gravity but I heard something fall upstairs

Great I thought

I’m gonna be in the next fuckin horror movie

He’s here…..

I heard the kid mumble

What your imaginary friends here?

HES NOT IMAGINARY!

I’ve always seen kids throw tantrums but this…..

This one scared me

So I went to call the kids parents to call it an early night cause there’s no amount of money that’s worth this

Hello?

The mother spoke

Hi this is ✨ I’m babysitting your kid uhm something came up and I have to go home right now

I know lying to someone who is paying you is bad but shit I didn’t wanna deal with this

Oh no I understand we’re on our way!

After she hung up I went to the kid to see them…..

Holding a knife

Kid what are you doin-

I screamed as the kid jumped onto me the knife inches away from my throat

I pushed them off of me and ran outside

Half an hour later the parents arrived seeing me shaken when the mother asked what happened I just simply responded

Your fuxking kid tried to KILL ME!

Needless to say I got paid to not sue and the moved the next week

A couple months ago I was hanging out wi my best friend watching cringy horror movies as we ate pizza and drank all the sugary shit we could find at the gas station

My friend who was trying to turn the volume up accidentally changed channels

Apparently the kid I was babysitting stabbed both their parents and draw in there blood weird satanic symbols

I was shocked but not surprised really after what the kid tried to do to me

But what really surprised me was that it’s happened to multiple people before and the parents always left after it happened

Kids fuxked up and in a mental hospital as the news said

I’m doing fine but whenever I think about what happened if I hadn’t had the sudden strength to push the kid off me and run outside I don’t think I’d be alive today

…..

And I think the family would’ve had another dead person on their hands…..

Oh dear~

✨ is doing fine foe the record don’t worry

Just won’t ever babysit again

Goodbye my listeners of the dark~

🎙

Damn- well needless to say I hate children, so IM NEVER BABYSITTING! Thank you for the story dear!! What a thrill!

[myimmortalisimmortal]

Why Chapter 39 of My Immortal was due to an actual hacker

After considering some findings, I’m confident in this theory. And thus, I’m confident anyone who claims to be Tara Gilesbie while claiming the hacked chapter was faked is not being honest. Below I will explain why I believe so and how I came across this information in the first place.

All this was from a long chain of breadcrumbs. Let’s go back... all to the mid 2000s in the LiveJournal days when Tara Gilesbie had a dedicated fan club.

The Tara Gilesbie Fan Club

One thing that particularly stuck out was members mentioning finding Tara through IMDb. Yes, you heard right.

[ID: Two comments on the Tara Gilesbie Fan Club LiveJournal.

The first is from ‘golden_helikaon’ on 2008-01-19 writing, “I found it on the Order of the Phoenix IMDb board. There were several long threads dedicated to ripping her apart with every new chapter.”

The second comment is from ‘heartdreamerz’ on 2008-01-20 writing, “It was almost 2 years ago and I've told this story many times. I knew Tara a month before My Immortal was published. It was on IMDb's board for My Chemical Romance. When the story came out I knew about it but didn't pay attention because I wasn't into HP at the moment. Then, like icarus_malfoy wrote, there were the threads about her and that's when my interest started. There were also another troll on the His Dark Materials...” (Image cuts off.) End ID.]

According to this, Tara Gilesbie was already tyrannizing the internet before she posted My Immortal. This actually is very consistent with the fact “Tara Gliesbie is totlly Gottik” was a petition that existed in November 2005. (My Immortal was posted in March 2006.)

This IMDb profile seemed very intriguing. It hasn’t been mentioned much, and isn’t considered to be official by most people. Was it a legitimate account? If so, was there gothicness we were deprived of all along? I searched to try find out more about it, hoping screen captures or something would turn up. Luckily, one of the same members copied and pasted Tara’s bio in another comment.

[ID: A comment on the Tara Gilesbie Fan Club LiveJournal by ‘heartdreamerz’ on 2007-05-05 writing, “All her posts are deleted now. I can still visit her profile because she's on my friend list. Her bio:

‘hi im tara. im a goth (n prode!). i have died blak hair n blu eyez. i wer eyeliner a lot of da time. i hav a bf. his naym is justin. he rox! i liv in Dubia.

likz: eyliner, goffik makep, beng goffik, GOOD CHRALOTTE, death, sleting my rists, drak colorz, hot topik _

dizliks: beng alive, bo, pop music, brite colors, pink, brabie, hiraly doof da music i lik: linen prak, GOOD CHRELOTE, evinezenz, simpl plan, akon, arvil levine, blink-183, panik! at da disko, foll oot boi, mcr. HIRALY DOOF IS A PSR!

fav moviez: when a stranger kallz, da grudge, da grudge 2, korps bird, da nitemare b4 krismas, da ring 2, da ring, shrak attak, undreworld 2, da texas chonsow massakre da bogenning

ps 2 all da prepz nd pozers tryin 2 diz me u r jus jeloz!!!! so yolsentik nd hartdremer u kan go fok ur momz 4 al i ker ok U SUK!!!111′

I feel so special to be personally insulted by her on her profile.” End ID.]

People like to copy & paste things stupid things to laugh at all the time (no offense Tara), so I thought: why not Google some of the bio? Maybe whoever did that posted additional stuff.

And it worked! (I found more content from Tara’s supposed IMDb, but more on that for a different post.)

When searching the bio, a Reddit thread about Rose Christo popped up.

During Rose Christo’s brief reign, a user said Rose’s claims seemed to check out. This user actually happens to be the same commenter, Heartdreamerz, in the LiveJournal thread. (Which makes sense, considering she’s the one who originally had the bio I was searching.) 

If you don’t feel like clicking the Reddit link, basically she confirmed Rose’s claim that two Filipino users from the forums hacked the account.

Because of Heartdreamerz’ long involvement in My Immortal and the fact she never claimed to be Tara or Raven, I take a lot of trust in her word.

Heartdreamerz linked the FF.net profile of the original hacker: Coruscate Corruption.

Looking up “Coruscate Corruption” had me come across this from the LiveJournal fan club, which implies that there were two hackers.

[ID: post on the Tara Gilesbie Fan Club Livejournal by 'nicespice' on Dec. 28th, 2006, writing, “Just a little thing I drabbled down. Hope it's not too horrible. What do you think?

There is an evil on FF.net and All who encounters it feels their Respiratory system give out And become too scared to scream. Gruesome, it is. The anti-christ fanfiction, My Immortal, written by a total idiot. Does she Leave you to cry tears of blood, because I have before. EarnestInBerlin and Coruscate Corruption, the hackers, Sought to bring My Immortal redemption. Too Bad the real Tara had to come back so soon to ruin the fun. I wish she had at least continued her story, I look at her fic Everytime I go online, wishing she'd just update so I could laugh at... Tara Gilesbie." End ID.]

While searching “Coruscate Corruption”, a few posts popped up from a forum for The Bartimaeus Sequence called Bartiforums.

[ID: Two images showing 3 forum posts by Mwamba.

The first post was a reply to, "Mwamba, how did you crack both passys? Just guessing or what?"

On December 8th 2006, Mwamba replied, "Tara's was just pure luck. It didn't take long to get. The password was tara. *snorts* Post's was just guessing too, but I remembered when his passy was cracked on here, so I tried out the same password. It worked. Oh yeah, and I wrote a fanfic for Post, it's a rip off of Tara's story, but meh.”

The last two posts were made on January 14th, 2007. The second post wrote, "It was me. I had complete control for two days. And then EarnestInBerlin had to hack in too and change the password. But then she told what it was and then the real Tara had to come back and rechange her passy so nobody could get in. But that's old news. That account is most certainly not mine. I could not continue that fic for 39 chapters, I'd get bored after the first fifteen.”

The third post wrote, “*Shrug* It doesn't matter. Call me whatever. Though if I have to pick, I suppose you can call me by my FF.net name, Coruscate Corruption. What book category are you writing this fic in? Just curious.” End ID.]

Chapter 39 was posted late November 2006, so that first post was only a few weeks after it happened.

The password was “tara”... does that ring a bell at all?

[ID: A screencap from Rose Christo’s now-deleted blog. It says, “And My Immortal? You can come to your own conclusions. This was really never about the fic; it was the marketing team at SMP that decided to make My Immortal the main part of the story. Our email address was gofikchick@hotmail.com and our password was tara.” End ID.]

-- Rose Christo’s claim before deleting

 You may be asking, “Rose Christo? The woman who lied about her family, being Native American, and writing My Immortal to sell a book?” Yes, that Rose Christo. Yes, she was a fraud and a scammer, but she peppered in some little-known true details to make her claim seem more legit. For instance, she talked about a Voldemort rper in the reviews, and that ended up being true. You can actually find this Voldemort reviewer in the web archives of Raven’s stories. (Apparently, that Voldemort even came out and said “hey, that’s me!” Cannot find it unfortunately.)

Keep in mind the only way I found any of this was because Rose Christo made that claim. Without it, Heartdreamerz wouldn’t have made that post that led to Coruscate Corruption and those posts on Bartiforums. It’s possible Rose somehow came across the same information I did, but it’s more likely she was there. Rose Christo may not be the author of My Immortal, but it was likely she was a spectator as it all went down. (As I was a spectator for Rose’s ordeal when it all went down.)

 Since it was said the hackers posted on the fanfiction forums, I sought to find it by searching “Tara”, “My Immortal”, etc. on FFnet’s search. The posts are unfortunately long gone, but there is a surviving forum called “My Immortal Forum Tara Gilesbie is a genius!”

[ID: A screencap of “My Immortal Forum Tara Gilesbie is a genius!” from Fanfiction net. Someone named Ebony Dark’ness wrote, “I have personally logged on to Tara’s account when her password was revealed after she got hacked.” End ID.]

TL;DR: Multiple, separate people made consistent claims over the span of years. Because of this, I personally believe Tara’s account was legitimately hacked.

(Sources/links will be added in a reblog.)

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 40

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: i hope this isnt too much and that youre still enjoying this story! its almost over tho, so if you have any request please send them asap! I have a few more chapters planned but I could always add a few filler chapters if you guys send me ideas. so yea, thank you!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : here are the requests i used. im sorry about the Julia one, they couldnt have a very big and deep talk because it was Liv’s chapter but I still wanted to add her in because i really like her :) hope its okay!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 40 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

May 7th, 2018

It was quite late but we were both packing our things in silence. I had waited last minute to do it while Niall had to wait until he was back from his concert, which resulted in us doing it together. I missed going to see him play and sing and the thought made something stir in my stomach. I couldn't believe I stopped myself from going to see him do what he loved the most to do in the entire universe just because I was scared of what some losers could write in an online article. The more I thought about it, the more I found that completely ridiculous. I was about to mention something about it when I heard Niall talk, breaking the silence.

"Oh, I totally forgot to give you that." He leaned closer to me and handed me a small box that was wrapped in pretty pink paper. I frowned but took it in my hand anyway as he shrugged. "A fan told me to give it to you. Apparently, she was really sad when we broke up."

I stared at the small box on y hand and licked my lips. I knew most of it were just rumors, but I also knew that some people believe everything they'd read online. Still, this time, I couldn't blame them since it was the truth. I quickly unwrapped it and grabbed the note first, reading it out loud.

"We thought Niall was the biggest One Direction fan in the world, but we've seen you multiple times with random One Direction merch and we thought you may enjoy this."

I frowned more but when I saw the necklace, I let out a louder laughter. It made Niall frown too and I looked up at him with a smirk, bringing my hand closer to him. Around my fingers was hanging a necklace with his face on it. It seemed to be very old merch, probably from 2011, and I saw him grimace.

"No, Liv!" he whined as I put it around my neck and I chuckled again.

"Hey, it's a gift!" I argued. "Besides, I didn't have this one. I love it."

"You're such a pain." he joked, making me laugh this time.

I didn't see it coming but he literally jumped on me and I fell on the bed with a high scream. He pinned me down and started tickling me, holding both my wrists with one hands as the fingers of the other squeezed my waist, making my body jerk.

"Noooo! Niall stop!"

I squirmed, kicking him and hitting him without really knowing or controlling what I was doing. It took him a few seconds to stop and he stared down at me with a smirk as my lips were parted. I was panting low, not even able to enjoy his body on top of mine.

"Please, let me wear the necklace." I almost begged in a low voice.

His eyes roamed on me for about a minute and finally, the left corner of his lips raised up and he nodded once before moving closer to kiss me.

I had decided to follow him in Spain even if I had no idea when I'd have to fly back to California. We still had a few episodes to film but I was hoping Niall could come with me. He only had a few concerts left before he'd be off for a few weeks and even if he had to fly to the UK at the end of the month, I was thinking he could spend almost two weeks with me. I knew all we did was live in our luggage, going from airports to airports but at the same time, we were together and it's really all that mattered to me.

His lips moving slowly against mine made my heart twist in my chest. I loved him so much, I always would and I knew it. I was starting to trust him again, so much that the tiny ball of fear that seemed to live permanently in my stomach was now gone. I had decided that I wanted to live this plenty, to not hold grudges of fears that came from our past. I wanted to move forward and I knew that we had both changed for the better.

May 8th, 2018

We woke up early to catch our flight and I put my sunglasses on because I knew I looked exhausted. They were heart shaped but were black instead of my usual pink or purple ones for the simple reason I thought it would be less obvious to the people around that I had puffy and tired eyes. I didn't mean travelling if it meant being with Niall, but that didn't mean it was it wasn't sucking up all my juice.

I didn't expect the airport to be crowded but it was, and I moved my head down, trying not to catch anyone's attention. The fans started screaming, the paps started yelling at Niall to look their way, and when one of them moved too close to us, I felt my heart jump in my chest and without thinking, I grabbed Niall's hand. I realized my mistake and quickly let go of it only to feel his fingers tighten around mine. I could swear the flashes became even more intense right after and I glanced at Niall, licking my lips as I heard similar questions being yelled around us.

"Are you two back together?"

"Did you cheat on Dylan and Heidi together?"

"Are all the rumors true?"

We both held each other's hand tighter at the sound of all these questions being thrown at us and we kept walking as they followed us. I could feel my heart beat so hard in my chest that I felt like it was about to escape. I swallowed hard trying to relax a bit as I kept glancing at my boyfriend.

"Does that mean we're official?" Niall asked me, squeezing my fingers even more after he stopped walking, and moved closer to make sure I was the only one who heard.

I turned his way and licked my lips, trying to ignore the flashes and the sounds of the cameras. I was not used to that much attention, or at least, not as intense as it was being at that moment, but even if it was a bit intimidating, I was not scared.

"Do you want us to be?"

His gaze moved on my face as he studied me before sending me a fond smile. "Yes, I do."

I sent him a gentle smile that turned into a very big one. "We're official then."

"Fuck yes." he whispered, making me chuckle.

He pulled on my hand and we started walking again but as we were about to pass the gate, he quickly and roughly moved our hands up to show our intertwined fingers and it surprised me so much I felt my heart skip a few beats.

"FUCK YES!" he repeated in a yell, making me burst into laughter this time.

If I wasn't sure Niall loved me, I definitely was now. The fact that he literally told the world we were together proved much more than anyone could believe. I knew he was private, and so was I. I also knew he didn't like his private life to be in the spotlight, or talked about, or known, and him showing everyone, fans and paps included, that we were an item by throwing our hands up just showed me how committed he was. People would talk about us and the wrong things we did to Dylan and Heidi, people would definitely criticize us as individuals but also as a couple and I knew that for a while, people would stop talking about his music and my tv show only to blab shit about our love, but he thought it was still worth it and even if I was a bit surprised, it touched me more than I thought it would. And just like that, the blinded trust I had for Niall until he broke up with me was back, and I knew that this time, it would be different.

                                                          ---

We took a nap when we arrived at the hotel and when I woke up, it was the middle of the afternoon and Niall's arm was wrapped around me as he was laying on his stomach. I ran my fingertips on his arm and reached his back, making him groan slightly. He looked so good, his eyes closed, his bottom lip a bit over his upper one in a cute pout and his hair a bit messy. It made something come alive inside me and I realized that we went through so many things to get back pretty much where we used to be. The difference was us and the way we had grown, and I knew that what we lived when we were away from each other was needed to have the relationship we had at that very moment.

I tried not to wake him up and sat up slowly and gently in bed, rubbing my eyes and yawning before grabbing my phone. I knew he didn't want me to but I searched for his name and mine in google and a bunch of pictures from the airport appeared. My lips curled more at the picture of us walking away while Niall held our hands up together. I stared at it for a few minutes and pressed my lips together, feeling suddenly ecstatic and a bit dizzy. It was really happening. I was back with Niall and we were happy together. In all the months we were apart, I had wished for it, but I never thought it would really happen at some point.

"What are you looking at?" he mumbled low, taking me out of my thoughts. "You're smiling."

I turned to him and my excited smile turned into a fond one. His eyes were half-closed and his face was still pressed on the pillow. In fact, I was pretty sure he hadn't moved at all and looking at him made something stir in my stomach. There was nothing I loved more than waking up with him, except maybe falling asleep in his arms.

I tilted my head and let the left corner of my lips raise up before turning the screen his way. It took him a few seconds to let what he was seeing sink in and he smiled too.

"Oh look, that's us telling the world we're back together." he pointed out slowly and in a low tone, an amused smile curling his lips. "I'm sorry, I'm never that impulsive normally. But I've been waiting for that for a while." He paused and I felt his arm hold my waist tighter before he squirmed a bit and put his head on my lap. "It's okay though, because this is meant to last, so everyone may as well know now. What do ya say?"

I brought my hand to his head and ran my fingers in his hair gently, making his eyes flutter. "I agree." I whispered, making him smile more.

"We're gonna get married and have a few kids. And dogs, too. I love dogs."

This time, I chuckled and licked my lips. He had mentioned marriage a few times in the past weeks and I loved it. He used to be so scared of commitment and the future and now he was literally planning it for us.

"You know what we should do now?" he asked, making me shake my head. "Stay in bed all day. Order food, watch tv, and make out. Champagne and you. That sounds perfect."

I smiled widely. "Gotta celebrate the fact that we're official, now."

"Damn right."

After a few hours, we were done eating and the bottle of champagne was empty. We were still laying in bed but I had stopped following the movie and kept staring at the ceiling. What took me out of my thoughts, once again, was Niall's voice. I blinked a few times, trying to get back to my senses, and he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Mm?" I asked, making him laugh.

He stopped the movie quickly before grabbing the sheets of the bed, pulling them over our heads and once again locking us together in our safe place. I smiled at him and turned my body his way as he did the same. It was always a bit stifling to stay under the covers for a while but at the same time, it made me feel secure like nothing else did.

"How hard did that champagne hit?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Mm, i'm tipsy." I admitted, laughing too.

"Me too." he let out, his eyes roaming on my face. "You know I want to marry you for real, right? I want to promise to be yours forever. I want to literally show everyone that no one else will ever mean to me as much as you mean to me."

"I want it too. I want to be your wife. Niall I want it more than anything."

I felt my heart jump in my chest at my confession and we kept looking at each other for a few minutes in silence. He found my left hand and brought it up to his eyes level before running his thumb gently on my ring finger. I bit my bottom lip, trying to imagine what it would feel like to be his wife, and I swallowed hard, almost ashamed that I let my mind wonder so far.

"One day..." he just murmured before looking up in my eyes. "How many kids?"

"Five." I let out, making his eyebrows raise.

"Jesus Christ, do you want to kill me, woman?"

This time, I started laughing and he pulled me closer with a groan, letting his lips press against mine before pulling slightly away. I waited until he spoke again, my lips curling more and more with every passing seconds.

"You're not serious?" he just asked, making me laugh, this time.

"How many do you want?"

"Two, maybe three." he admitted before I kissed him again, sucking gently on his upper lip.

"Then two or three we'll have." I breathed out against his mouth as he held me closer.

"And we'll live in London, and keep a house in Cali, how's that?" he proposed in a murmur. "I'll bring you to Las Vegas to get married. We'll have the best honeymoon because I'll make you cum twenty times a day for a whole week."

I started laughing against his mouth and he smirked. "Where are we going for that?"

"Bali?" he suggested.

"Mm, don't tempt me." I joked as he laughed again, deepening the kiss and making me close my eyes. "What's on your mind, Horan?" I asked lower and more seriously.

"Well, how about we practice making those two-three kids now?" he offered, making me chuckle. "I really want to make love to my official girlfriend and future wife."

"Hey, I didn't say yes just yet." I joked as his lips traveled on my jaw and neck.

"But you will yea? You just accepted to be my official girlfriend so it's a good start. You'll be my wife and marry me?"

"If you want to spend your life with me, how can I say no to that?"

"That's what I thought." he just said, giving himself a swing and making me laugh even more as he got on top of me.

I spread my legs a bit as he nibbled on the skin of my neck and I groaned when I felt his hard dick press on my inner thighs. I was tired and still a bit tipsy but the way he whispered, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his body on top of mine... all of this was too good and I felt like I never had enough of him. Even after all this time, I wanted him as much as I used to, even more, probably, and the way he was all over me made me think he felt the same.

"I want to bury my cock so deep inside you right now." he whispered, bringing his mouth back on mine. "You're so fucking beautiful. I love you so much, Olivia. You made me so happy today."

I reached for his boxers and pulled them down as much as I could, his words making my heart twist and jump in my chest. I didn't think Niall could love me as much as he seemed to, I didn't know he could want to be with me to the point where he would literally hold my hand and show everyone that we were together in a crowded airport. I had no idea he was waiting for this, I didn't know that it would make him react like that to be my official boyfriend. All of this made sense, of course, but it was just hitting me that Niall really loved me as much as I loved him and that he didn't want to lose me again.

"Please Niall, just do it." I begged him in a murmur, reaching between my legs and pulling my panties aside before grabbing his cock and lining it up.

His hip movement was slow and as he pushed himself inside me, I felt my eyes roll back and a moan escaped my lips. I moved my knees up as he lied on top of me, holding himself on his elbows as he started thrusting in and out of me slowly. It felt like torture but at the same time it was so good I moved my chin up, feeling his lips leave kisses on it.

"I love you, can't believe you're my girlfriend again." he whispered, his lips brushing against my skin.

"I was always yours, Niall. I've always been yours. Since I was 6 years old. I knew I belonged to you." I replied just as low and without thinking. "I was just scared you didn't belong to me"

He pushed himself deeper inside me and it felt so good I let out an other whimper. He remained still, waiting for my eyes to open again and meet his, and I felt one of his hands slip in my hair while the other moved a lock out of my eyes.

"I belong to you." he confessed, making a shiver run across my back. "All this soulmate shit? I believe in it now. I have to."

I bit my bottom lip, making him glance at my mouth before looking back in my eyes.

"I love you. I fucking love you." I had barely finished my sentence that he was pressing his mouth against mine again, this time fucking me harder and faster.

My back arched after a few minutes and I moaned in his mouth this time, right before his thrusts became unsteady and a bit sloppy. The orgasm felt amazing and I gripped his arms as I felt his muscles tighten. I pressed my thighs on each sides of him, pushing myself against him in motion with him as he came. Nothing felt better than that post orgasm feeling with Niall on top of me. His lips found mine and he kissed me slowly but deeply for a while until we both got down of our highs and even a little bit after.

"I'm so happy you followed me here." he admitted with a smile as I tilted my head on the pillow.

"Me too." I licked my lips and raised my eyebrows. "Are you gonna follow me back to Cali in a few days?"

"Nothing will stop me from going with you. Nothing."

He rolled off of me and I pushed the covers to breathe fresh air, just realizing that I needed it. Niall grabbed my hand and I focused back on him as he stared at my fingers, making me try to suppress the smile stuck on my lips.

"Please come to my show tomorrow." he just let out, his fingers brushing gently against mine, exactly where a wedding ring would be. "We're officially together now, so we don't care who sees you or what they see."

My heart skipped a beat and I licked my lips nervously. It would be a good start but it stressed me to think that people would start judging us even more, now that we were official. I knew Niall was not going to start kissing me or anything in public but I still felt nervous.

"Okay." I let out low feeling myself tear up. I swallowed my tears but I could see my boyfriend getting emotional too and I sniffed. "I love you Niall. I don't ever want to be away from you anymore."

He brought one of his hands to my cheek and I felt the warmth of his skin against mine as he moved closer to lean his forehead against mine.

"I'm never leaving again. I promise on my life. I'm here to stay. What we have will never die, okay?"

I nodded quickly and bit my bottom lip as I felt a tear run down my cheek. I could swear he was tearing up too and I pressed my parted lips against his. "Okay."

May 9th, 2018

I hadn't realize how much I had missed watching Niall sing and play. He was always the kid who was singing, dancing, or playing guitar when we were younger, and it always brought a bunch of people around him. He seemed so untouchable, even for me, who was his best friend. Now, with the literal crowds and album selling, it was even more obvious, but a lot less scary. The fact that I knew he loved me definitely helped but watching him do what he's always loved but this time, as a living, was just breathtaking. He was breathtaking.

I chuckled when he winked at me subtly and I rolled my eyes with a smile until I felt a hand on my arm. I jumped slightly and turned again to look at Julia who was smiling widely at me. I thought I knew what she was going to say but instead, she pulled me close into a tight hug. It took me a few seconds to answer it but when I did, she jumped a few times, bringing me with her, and finally pulled away.

"I saw the video!" she said happily, her lips curled into a bit grin.

"The video?"

"Of you two at the airport!"

I felt my cheeks turn a soft shade of red as they burned a bit and cleared my throat, looking away. I knew there were pictures but I was not aware someone was filming. Come to think about it, it was not surprising, after all. I felt two strong arms wrap around my neck from behind and I smiled immediately, recognizing the touch and the perfume. It was crazy how he still affected my moods but I could also see that I influenced his, and that made our relationship so much better.

"Niall!" he let go of me to hug Julia and I smiled, taking a step away. "I'm so happy for you! I knew it would happen! I told you you had to keep hope!"

Niall's eyes found mine and his smile faltered as his embrace around his friend loosened.

"I sort of... confided in Julia." he admitted, licking his lips as mine parted. "I know you wanted me to keep the secret, but I didn't know what to do, and I felt like shit... I needed to talk to someone."

He looked at me with fear in his eyes, as if I was going to turn on my heels and leave, but I just tilted my head on the side while staring at him.

"Hey, I understand. She's one of your closest friends." I pointed out with a shrug before sending him a smile. "I talk to Louis about almost everything." I shrugged again. "Besides, I like her."

Julia smiled more and grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to them to hug both of us at the same time. I laughed and after a few seconds, she pulled away and smiled again.

"I'll wait for you guys backstage. We're going to celebrate right?" she asked as Niall and I glanced at each other, a bit unsure. "It's one of my last shows! We have to go grab a drink together!"

"Sure, we'll do that."

She left with a big grin and I turned to Niall who was smiling fondly at me. I frowned, my lips still curled, but I had to admit that the way he was looking at me made something twitch in my stomach.

"Thank you." he whispered, bending down to kiss the top of my head.

"For?"

"For wanting to get to know my friends. I know you get along great with all our childhood friends, and my cousins and all, but I've made great friends while doing this job, and you never really seemed to be interested in befriending them too, well, except for Harry, Louis and Liam.”

I shrugged a shoulder and looked away before looking back at him and raising my nose in a small grimace. "You used to hang out with many celebrities, especially when you were dating Heidi. I don't know, Niall, to me, it's a bit intimidating." I admitted. "I never felt like I fitted with them, or belonged with those famous faces. It's just weird to me."

"I'd love to present them to you. I promise they're great."

I stared at him and after a while, my lips curled again. "Sure, I'd love to meet them." I just gave in and by seeing the smile on his face, I knew it made him happy. "Let's start with Julia. I already know I love her."

Niall laughed and cupped my face, tilting my chin up before reaching for my mouth with his. "And I know I love you."

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Drama Shinsengumi Oni-tan Track 2 Translation

well... finally got around to finishing ssl’s harada’s cross short stories... been super sleepy this week... which doesn't help with me being swamped with stuff to study since i finally booked the exam for the aws course im taking... it’ll be a month and half before I can resume my normal pace for all things... that is assuming I’m still stuck at home doing nothing aside from looking for a job. oh well. lol. im in the health>everything category... stay safe people!

anyway, this is my translation of Shinsengumi Oni-tan track 2! according to the drama info page, I believe this is the very first audio drama that either Amagiri’s or Shinaranui’s VA participated in tho i can’t remember who it was... however, this cd is definitely both VAs’ first appearance in a Hakuoki drama.  

due to content of this, out of all the dramas i have TL for, i’ve wanted this translated the most... unfortunately since all i got for resources are images and a video of the translation, it’s a serious pain in my ass to translate it since my CH word recognition ability is very bad...

well, no pain no gain as they say... though i think i suffer way more than what i get back in return lol. finals edits will be done later when i get to making my subtitle video (delayed due to me being busy).

anyway, enjoy~!!!! 

do not repost elsewhere or else! 

Hakuoki Drama CD: Shinsengumi Oni-tan Track 2: A Letter from the Yase

Translation by KumoriYami

Shiranui: Ah~ahah~ really, this is turning out to be a real hassle. hey, Amagiri, have you read this letter?

Amagiri: Yes, I've already checked it. Having received a letter from the Yase princess, I was contemplating on what should be done next.

Shiranui: Then, what's to be done [what do you plan on doing?]. Do you intend to/Should we tell Kazama about this? If it's anything related to that guy, it'll be even more troublesome.

Amagiri: I don't blame your way of thinking, but because he is the leader of the western clans, there's no choice but to inform him of this.

Shiranui: Mah~ na.

Kazama: Amagiri, you've come.

Shiranui: oh, you're finally here.

Kazama: Shiranui. Why are you here?

Amagiri: His presence today is owed to oni relations.

Kazama: What business do you have. If there's nothing, hurry up and go.

Shiranui: mah, mah, quit being so inflexible. Compared to that, what's the matter with you. I just had nothing important to do so I went out. Were you checking on that girl's condition/situation [check for Kazama in audio here]?

Kazama: Of course. My wife has constantly been mistreated by those wild dogs. To check on her situation is my/the duty/obligation as a/of the husband.

Shiranui: I was only joking. However you actually did that./You actually went [check audio for if sounds like a question]?

Amagiri: I'll be asking this just in case, [but] you didn't forcefully touch her/come into contact with her right?

Kazama: Hmph, how could that possibly happen. As long as my wife sees me, she will graciously cheer aloud [roughly says: thankfully cheer for (me). reword later?]. So today I only watched her from a distance.

Shiranui: You should really learn how to distinguish/what the difference between screaming and cheering is.

Amagiri: Observing from a distance, this type of activity is still not appropriate as a leader.

Kazama: The next time I'd like to prepare glasses to watch her from a distance [or maybe: something to watch her from a distance. the version i used for this translation says glasses.... check other tl later since im assuming this to be binoculars/telescope], but I won't be talking about that now. Instead of that, there's something you should know.  

Shiranui: Ah? It's not going to be something boring again right?

Kazama: It can be considered boring/simple/ can't be considered complicated, in a sense.  This was something that just happened after I encountered the Shinsengumi recently on my way back. I don't know why, [but] among that pack of dogs, [there seems] to be someone who's inherited the blood of the oni.

Shiranui: Eh... Amagiri: Hmm

Kazama: What's with that response? That reaction, are the two of you thinking that I'm an idiot?

Amagiri: No. We didn't mean to imply that, but how could that be?

Shiranuui: To confirm then, you saw an oni that wasn't Kodo's daughter?

Kazama: They're unrelated to my wife, I saw a young man, it's impossible for me to mistaken the characteristic [not sure if this is more of the 'mistaken in what i saw' sense or unable to be mistaken in this' kind of sense. check other tl after], he must have inherited the blood of the oni.

Shiranui: It turns out it was like that. Indeed, this can be considered simple/not complicated. Actually, this was sent/delivered recently.

Kazama: What is it, that letter.

Amagiri: Nn. This was from the oni living in Kyoto, Princess Yase's envoy delievered it.

Kazama: Huh. Is that woman finally going to bow down before me?

Shiranui: Why do you immediately imagine that.

Kazama: Then, don't be surprised otherwise [roughly says something to the effect of 'don't leave a man's appetite in suspense' so i put down what i thought made more sense. double check both tls later], hurry up and read the letter.

Shiranui:......."To Amagiri, Shiranui, also Kazama" Ah, by the way I added that in because it doesn't make sense [to not do so], [though] this letter was mainly directed towards me and Amagiri [check other tl later].

Kazama:......By the way [check audio and other tl], Shiranui. Are you deliberately adding in details while reading this to make this more interesting [literally: to add oil and vinegar, which figuratively means: 'adding details while telling a story (to make it more interesting)']?

Shiranui: Don't use such unpleasant words, that's basically how it reads.

Kazama: Che, it seems that Kyoto's oni do not know much about manners/etiquette. It seems that oni princess has inherited that lunacy of her ancestor [the translation of "血肿," used here means hematoma/swelling of soft tissue due internal hemorrhage... so I put in what I kinda thought was appropriate given the time period]. How laughable [check other tl. i’d guess ‘amusing’ though].

Amagiri: Can I continue reading this? [continue with this]

Kazama: Ah... Hurry up continue reading. What's wrong with that guy [check tl]?

Amagiri: "then before I get to the main point, I will first say, if you're still coveting Kodo's daughter, you should give up," she said.

Kazama: That's ridiculous.

Amagiri: It seems that the Yase Princess is speculating that, she [that girl] is fond of someone in the Shinsengumi. Perhaps it's he harsh/strict and strong Hijikata... or perhaps it’s Okita or Saito, who are excellent swordsmen/have superior swordsmanship. Of course, it's possible that it's Todou or Harada, since it's hard to guess/determine who it might be [reword later].

Kazama: That's utter nonsense/what a load of nonsense [check audio. the tl is the same where it says 'that's ridiculous']! Get to the point.

Shiranui: Really, you're impulsive as ever. Anyway, it says that a different clan [while i use the word 'clan' here, and most of the other times i see the word '族', it can also mean race/nationality/ethnicity/social group (ex - office workers). may use "group" since it's more ambiguous when I get to making the video] of oni entered Kyoto not so long ago.

Kazama: Oh? there are [other] oni in Kyoto? Where are these oni from?

Amagiri: Based on their whereabouts, they should have come from the west [says 'western part' so i might change this to 'from western lands']. So if we know something, That's why she's saying that if we know something, to please tell her. 

Kazama: So it's like that/that is to say, the person I saw recently in the Shinsengumi, is the someone who probably comes from an oni clan fro a different part of the country, as mentioned in this letter.

Amagiri: That is very likely. Although Kyoto has long history, the bloodlines of many oni clans are around here/in the area. [may just omit bloodlines entirely here]

Shiranui: Joining the Shinsengumi, that sounds impossible/Then joining the Shinsengumi is even more impossible [check other tl and audio]. Then as the leader of the Western clans, do you have any idea/know anything about this oni clan?

Kazama: No/I don't know, at least I have never been in contact with them.

Amagiri: Then I'll contact the village to investigate [check tl again since the tl i wrote says 'fight'. probably wrote something down incorrectly]. How do you intend to handle this unidentified oni clan?

Shiranui: The Shinsengumi being involved in this, already makes this a real hassle. If that guy becomes a member of the Shinsengumi, we'll be fighting sooner or later.  

Amagiri: Did he know that the Shinsengumi is hostile towards us, or did he know that there's a female oni within the Shinsengumi?

Shiranui: Either way it's a problem.

Kazama: hrn...

Shiranui: I'll first say, that even if it's me, I don't want to fight against another oni. There are a barely any of us to begin with/ There aren't a lot of us to begin with.

Amagiri: Then, what should be done, Kazama.

Kazama: That remains to be seen. let's go. Amagiri. Shiranui. Based on my observations, I'm afraid that the strength of his bloodline is so weak that he doesn't even know that he is an oni. Those who have inherited the noble blood of the oni, even if they don't know it, answering to the call of humans [check other tl], is something that must never be allowed.

----------

ah i wish i could have someone reading a letter from sen about why saito is better than kazama lol....hahaha i can only wish.

unfortunately im still really busy so i don’t when i’ll be able to translate the next track of this... still would like to have it done before end of the year though.

also, the reason why the sanan tsukikage chapter TLs were taken down from that blog i found was apparently because the site itself had problems with the images that were uploaded along with the author’s translations... i think? 

Well, regardless of the reason, i was able to save the tl of sanan’s 1st tsukikage chapter since it got re-posted, and guess that means it’s only a matter of time before the tl of chapter 6 gets re-uploaded so i can go save it later....

[neocityarchive]

ends | mark lee au (pt 1)

summary | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Chapter Summary: You didn’t have to be reminded that you lost the best thing to ever happen to you, but when a great opportunity came your way, you thought maybe a little risk won’t hurt. 

A/N: i woke up and suddenly this wasnt on my blog lmao im so frustrated. i mightve accidentally deleted it but here it is again.

You looked at your phone to check the time. You have 15 minutes to get to the SM building. Why you’re going back there, you have absolutely no idea.

One of your sunbaes called and asked you to come in, saying they needed the interns’ input on the graphics of the new advertisement material for the recent SM Rookies project. You could have easily said no, but you also are very much aware that SM doesn’t usually do this. It would be crazy to pass an opportunity this big. But that’s not what you’re really worried about.

You stared at your screen until it went black, then pressed on the lock button, illuminating it again. Only a minute has passed since you last checked. You still weren’t used to your generic lockscreen. It’s been a month since you changed it, but it still feels weird not seeing Mark’s cheeky grin everytime your phone lights up.

Stop it, you told yourself.

You don’t know if it’s just in your head or if it’s the fact that you’re anxious and overthinking about the possibility of seeing him again, but the bus seems to be going faster today when you didn’t need it to.

You have no idea if the boys are going to be in the building. You stopped keeping track of the whole group since the break up. You couldn’t bring yourself to watch any of their videos since your ex seems to be in every single one of them.

In an attempt to get distracted, you put your earphones on and your playlist on shuffle, shifting your attention to the busy city life happening outside the bus’ window.

As if the universe didn’t want you happy, the songs coming up the playlist just made everything worse. Yang Da Il’s Sorry started playing and suddenly, you were thrown back to a memory you’ve been trying so hard to suppress lately.

You just got back from a trip to China, two days earlier than what you told everyone. These days, Mark has been really stressed trying to balance his time and energy between the three units. You could tell he was tired despite his efforts not to show it to anyone. You haven’t had a decent conversation in a while. He was always drained, so every phone call would just end up in an argument. If not, he’d be sleeping, or he would say bye even before you could tell him about your day.

It was hectic, so you thought you could pay him a surprise visit to lift some of the stress off his shoulders. After all, it used to work. Used to.

You were already on your way to the conference room where the dreamies were having a meeting but you stopped in your tracks a few feet away from the door.

It was quiet. There wasn’t the usual rowdy noise you could hear even from the elevator, which is very weird considering it’s the dreamies. That’s how you knew they were talking about something serious. A chill went down your spine, finding the whole thing unsettling.

“You should tell her the truth,” you heard Donghyuck’s voice from the hallway.

“I know, though,” Mark replied abruptly.

Your face contorted. You missed the sound of his voice, so much that your chest ached. But that wasn’t what you wanted to hear more about. Tell the truth to who? What truth? Who’s her?

“Just don’t make her wait,” Hyuck said. “She’ll only get hurt.”

Mark sighed. He sounded exhausted, like they’ve been on this topic for quite a while and the flow of the conversation wasn’t going his way.

No one spoke. It was very unusual since they usually just talk over each other, but this time, even a singe drop of water would sound deafening. You found yourself holding your breath.

It didn’t seem like they were talking about work. If it was, they would definitely be louder. You searched your mind of anything or anyone they could be talking about but there wasn’t enough information to make a conclusion. Still, there was something stirring in your chest. You don’t know how to explain it, but it didn’t feel good.

“Mark hyung,” Renjun called, breaking the silence.

“Oh?”

He cleared his throat. “I’m just going to ask the question that is on everyone’s minds right now.”

Silence. It was deafening.

“Do you still love Y/N?”

You blinked. Twice. Thrice. You suddenly felt like all the air had been knocked out of your lungs. Your knees felt week, and your mind was going nuts. This wasn’t what you expected to hear when you came. Not at all.

You started going through the possibilities. Do they know another Y/N? Did you hear Renjun right? Is this some sort of prank??? Do they know you’re listening?

But the silence in the room proves it’s no prank.

You wanted to run, you wanted to scream. You wanted to burst into the room all at once. But your feet stayed glued to the ground. You found yourself waiting for the answer to a question you never thought you’d have to ask.

Do you? you thought.

Your mind wandered to your recent phone calls, your frequent arguments. It happened so often that there has been a part of you that hesitates to call him, afraid you’d fight again. He rarely ever sends goodnight and good morning texts, or even updates about his day anymore. Things have definitely changed between the two of you, but you always thought it was just because he was exhausted from work.

Your breath hitched in your throat. Today was supposed to be a good day. Today was supposed to be the day that would get you your boyfriend back. The day everything would be back to normal. But apparently... not.

“Do you?” Hyuck asked again.

“I don’t know. I’m just...” Mark’s voice trailed off.

You waited.

“...so tired of it.”

You pulled your earphones from your ear and stuffed your phone in your purse in frustration.

Your eyes have started to well up again. You looked up, trying to blink the tears away but it won’t work. No matter how you try to fool yourself and convince yourself you’ve gotten better, all these small moments that lead you back to him proves otherwise.

Part of you always knew things would be like this eventually, that Mark would get tired. He had way too many things on his plate, and you always felt like you should be the least of his problems.

He was always born to be a star. With his talent and passion for what he does, he was bound to take over the world. You knew that meant a lot of sacrifices for him. Living away from his home country, giving up the chance of a normal teenage life, always being within the eyes of the media and fans. You always knew the time would come when the compromise he had to make was our time for each other.

You just never thought it would come to the point where he would give up everything you had after all you’ve been through. Somehow, through all those months of dating him, you had yourself convinced that he loved you enough to not leave you like this. Turns out you were wrong.

“I never imagined I would say this...” you remember him saying, “but I think we should break up.”

It really felt like your world fell apart that day.

You used to be so cynical about how breakups are portrayed in the movies. It’s always so dramatic. The characters always seem like everything have stopped working after the breakup. You used to think it was overboard. But after going through it yourself, you realized maybe the movies were right.

Nothing felt right after that day. Everything seemed so much dimmer, much quieter, much slower. It was like the world forgot how to function properly...

The bus pulled at your stop, breaking your train of thoughts. You got off and walked to the building, taking two steps at a time, afraid of seeing anyone even remotely familiar. Thankfully, you arrived at the 11th floor without any casualty.

The whole thing went by quickly. Your mind was completely preoccupied while working. No traces of Mark, not even on the huge television screens on the walls.

Contrary to what you originally thought, working in SM was actually a fun experience. Aside from the fact you met the love of your life there, the people working with you were really nice. Today, they offered you a job, convincing you to stay. It sounded tempting, good pay, good benefits, but you didn’t know if you could work in a place that holds too much of the past you’re trying to let go of. Maybe not now. You told them you’d think about it.

Before you knew it, the work part was over. You were already back in the elevator, feeling a bit better than you were when you arrived.

The elevator stopped at the 9th floor, revealing a group of people who looked like executives. Upon seeing them, your sunbae grabbed you and the other intern by the arm and pulled you out of the elevator.

“You may go first, Mr. Lee. We’re not in any hurry.” He smiled to them, who nodded politely as they entered the elevator.

“Thank you,” the man who you assumed was Mr. Lee said.

Once the doors closed, your sunbae let out a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “Who was that?”

“I’m fine.” He nodded. “That was a major stockholder of the company and a bunch of other important people.”

You nodded to yourself, suddenly realizing why the faces looked familiar. You must have seen them in the TV or something.

“Alright you guys. I’m gonna take the stairs. I’m just going down one level anyway. You can wait for the next one here,” your sunbae said.

Just then, the other elevator door opened but it was going up. The other intern went in, saying she forget something upstairs. Just like that, you were alone in the 9th floor.

A sudden realization dawned on you. You didn’t recognize the floor right away since the interior changed a bit, but this was where the recording booths are. This was also where you last saw Mark. As if in a trance, you decided to around to see what else changed within the few months you haven’t been here.

A chill went up your spine as you walked past the lounge beside the recording booth, your mind going back to how easily you got your heart broken the last time you were there.

It was two days after you heard the dreamies’ conversation. You couldn’t bring yourself to see him after that. You called him earlier and asked to meet up, lying that you’ve only just gotten home from China.

He agreed to meet you at the lounge beside the recording booths, saying he can’t leave the studio because the dreamies need him for advice while recording.

So you went there, feeling uneasy. There was no one else around, which was a good thing because you were sure whatever happens, you would cry.

You and Mark haven’t seen each other for weeks, but when he came, there were no kisses. Not even hugs. There was none of the usual excitement and undeniable craving that you both get whenever you see each other after not being able to for a long time. This time, he just sat quietly beside you. You weren’t even surprised.

He looked different. He had makeup on, but you could still tell the circles under his eyes got bigger. He obviously wasn’t doing well. But then again, neither were you. You spent the last two nights sleepless and crying, anxious, wondering what the hell you should do.

Without a word, Mark held out his hand, palm up. It’s something he does when he wants you to hold his hand.

You hesitated, wondering what happens after this, but it didn’t take you much thought. You intertwined your fingers with his anyway. It felt so natural and familiar, and weirdly out of place in the situation. It hurt.

He squeezed your hand gently.

“You okay?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. If it was any louder than that, you knew it would break.

He nodded weakly.

“You look tired,” you managed to say.

He looked at you for the first time that day, and it took all of your willpower to keep yourself from breaking down.

“Cause I am,” he replied.

“Can I help?”

He shook his head, looking down. He detached his fingers from yours to fix his cap, running his fingers through his hair. You were half expecting for him to hold your hand again, but you weren’t surprised when he didn’t.

“Y/N,” he said.

“Mark,” you replied.

He bit his lip, an anxious habit. “Aren’t you tired?”

“Not really? I had a nap before coming here so–”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You just stared at him.

“Aren’t you tired,” he said again, slower and softer this time, “of this...? Of... us?”

You looked away. You knew this was coming. You just didn’t think it would be this soon. You took a deep breath and tried your hardest not to cry.

“I am,” you said, your voice close to breaking. “But...”

You weren’t sure what to say. It’s true. You are tired. You’re tired of not being able to see him, of not getting a proper conversation out of the small time you have together, of things not being like they were before. You’re so damn tired of it all. But telling him that is like telling him to stop doing his job, to stop doing what he loves. That’s the last thing he needs.

“But?”

You sighed. “I don’t care.”

He shook his head again. “God, this is so hard,” you heard him mutter under his breath before turning to you. “How can you not care that you’re tired? Doesn’t this frustrate you?”

“I can’t just...” your voice broke. You let a deep breath and swallowed, trying to calm yourself. “What do you want me to say? I’m tired, Mark, and yes, it does frustrate me. A lot. But so what if I am? It doesn’t mean I want to give up on us.”

He buried his head in his hands.

You don’t know what you’re still holding on to. It’s like everything that used to be there is disappearing right before your eyes. You’re stalling, but you already know how this ends.

“Y/N,” he said, his eyes meeting yours. “Let’s face it. I’m already losing time for you, and it will only get worse. We never see each other anymore. I can’t even go out of this damn building to spend an hour with you. All we do is argue on the phone, and even when we see each other, we don’t talk properly. How can you still want to stay even after all this?”

You opened your mouth to answer, but nothing came out. Does love really need to have a reason? you thought.

“Look, we barely understand each other anymore. I can’t... I can’t do this.”

Your heart broke. There was no other way to explain it. That’s exactly how it felt. Like something inside your chest just died. It’s like he had stabbed you with a knife, and just when you thought the pain was at its maximum, he still had to twist the blade in your chest.

“I never imagined I would say this,” he said, “but I think we should break up.”

You just sat there, almost motionless if your lips weren’t quivering. If this was a few months ago, he would already have his arms wrapped around you, muttering that it’s going to be fine, that he has your back no matter what. Now, he’s just... there.

You forced yourself to speak. “Just like that?”

He didn’t reply.

You let out an empty laugh, a tear rolling down your cheek simultaneously. “You couldn’t even wait a day and just spend a little more time with me. That’s how much you want this done.”

“No, I—” he tried to speak, but you were already riding the high of your emotions, you just had to let it out.

“I got back from China two days ago,” you said. “I was supposed to surprise you, maybe ask you out for lunch. But when I got here, I overheard your conversation with the guys. I heard you say you were tired of us, but it wasn’t just that. The way you said it...” you let out a shaky breath, your tears now uncontrollable. “God, it hurt to hear. I knew what you were thinking even then, and there was no changing your mind. So I couldn’t bring myself to see you after that because I was so afraid of what you’d say. I had a feeling if we saw each other that day, it would just make things worse. So I spent the last two days thinking what to do, you know how stupid I am.”

“Y/N,” he said softly, but you weren’t done.

“I still hoped I could maybe change your mind. I hoped my gut was wrong, that there was still a chance this could work. But I guess my luck had already ran out. I knew from the moment you walked in and just sat there, not even giving me so much as a hug, that you won’t even try to make things work anymore. So I guess... this is really it.”

“I didn’t... you weren’t supposed to.. I...” He searched for words, but you couldn’t bear to stay and wait for him to change his mind when he clearly won’t.

So you stood up and took something out of your purse. It was an elephant keyring that you got from China, something you bought especially for him. You two have a thing of giving each other tiny souvenirs from the places you went without each other.

Mark stood up too. His eyes were welled with tears, making the situation harder than it already is.

“It’s a lucky charm, supposedly,” you said, handing him the keyring.

He wrapped his fingers around it. A single drop of tear streamed on his cheek. And then another.

“Stop crying. God, at least make it easier for me to leave. This is unfair,” you joked, wiping his tears.

Mark managed to let out a laugh. For some reason, it just broke your hear even more.

You forced a smile. This is the guy you’ve been in love with, longer and harder than you’ve ever been with anyone. You hate the you probably won’t hear his explosive laugh again or watch him get overexcited over the simplest things or hear him randomly sing Frank Ocean under his breath. You hate that you have to let it all go so soon when you never thought you’d ever have to.

“I love you, Mark Lee,” you said, taking a step back. You know he secretly loves it when you say his full name. “And I sincerely hope you’ll find peace again and be happy after this.”

Before you could break down again, you began walking away.

But you haven’t even taken three steps when you were pulled by the arm. You spun around slightly, ending up wrapped in his arms again, his hug tighter than any you’ve felt. He buried his head on your shoulders while you wrapped your arms around his waist like you’ve done so many times before.

He didn’t say a single word when you pulled away. Neither did you. There was nothing left to say.

You turned around and just like that, you were gone.

The ding of the elevator opening pulled you back to the present. But you were too far from the doors already. You wouldn’t make it in time.

Your cheeks were wet. You didn’t realize you’ve been crying.

You figured it’s pointless to tell yourself you’ve moved on when you know full well it would take so much more than just two months to get over something as special as your relationship with Mark. Still, you couldn’t help but beat yourself up over the fact that you’re staring at an empty lounge in an empty hallway, crying like a baby.

You quickly dabbed your eyes and cheeks to dry the tears before looking around to see if there was anyone who witnessed your slightly embarrassing moment, but the are was still empty.

You went back to the elevator before you could see another thing that would trigger your thoughts once more.

You thought you were already safe. Excluding the flashbacks, the day has gone smoothly so far. But with the luck you are born with, when something is bound to go wrong, it definitely will. It’s almost funny that it didn’t even take five minutes before something did.

“Y/N?!” a familiar voice called from behind you.

You turned around, facing a tanned, brunette boy whose eye glinted with surprise, and with an aura radiating mischief and cleverness.

“Hyuck?”

[quarantinebreakup412081121]

Day 273 - “Hey so I’m garbage”

“Hey so I’m garbage

I’m talking to someone didn’t know how to bring it up and/or wanted to wait until holidays were over but then I would ruin your damn year already if I wait so fuck it.  I’m sorry, could have handled it way better but I guess that’s just classic ------”

That’s the message I received last night.

That’s the message I received after he apologized 5 weeks ago and said that he handled ending things with us poorly and that I deserved better and even during the years we were together that I deserved better.  “You meant a lot to me, maybe I wasn’t the best at articulating that or showing it but you’re really all I had. A job and you, unfortunately I focused more on the job and im sorry for that” were his actual words.

He also hit me with the “you’re an amazing person... and you deserve someone that will smother you in the affection and attention you deserve.  I’m the one that failed you.”

He said he had a lot of things to work on.

Well he has apparently miraculously fixed all of the issues he had within 5 weeks because he’s dating someone new.  So all of the things he couldn’t or wouldn’t do for or with me-- and the basic boyfriend-in-a-relationship things that he fought against doing constantly- I guess those have magically sorted and he’s ready to move on.

That’s sarcasm and very unlikely- but what’s more realistic is that he intentionally treated me the way he did because he could.  And he continued to do it because he wanted to and he knew I would pretend it was fine.  And he didn’t show me respect throughout most of our relationship, and he’s continuing to treat me like that now as well.  Maybe it made him feel powerful and in charge.  I don’t know.  I’ll never know.  It sounds to me like he lied to me about everything he said in his apology and probably only brought that stuff up because he was talking to someone new and wanted to clear his conscience of whatever microscopic amount of "guilt” he was feeling.

He has done a stupendous job of finding unexpected and creative ways to hurt me, put me down, and make me feel worthless.  But last night took the fucking cake.  No, honestly, that even beat his “It’s not working out. We should move on.” text back in March on Day 1.

“It’s not working out.  We should move on.” after 5 years and 2 months.  In the months leading up to it, there was no Christmas present, no anniversary acknowledgement, no Valentine, and no idea as to why I was hurt by any of that...  Then he blessed me with the breakup initiation via text.

Some people are trash and I get that.  But how did I allow myself to date one of them for 5 years?  Someone close to me told me that I shouldn’t let him control how I’m feeling- but that it made sense that I was feeling this way and that it’s the same way people in abusive relationships still have emotional connections to their abusers and have a hard time getting past things even though they’re in a better situation away from the abuser.  That’s the closest thing I can compare this to.  Don’t get it twisted-- there was never any physical abuse, but emotionally... it’s the worst I’ve ever been treated by anyone.

He’s an asshole, so of course he dropped that on me last night, when he knows I’m still celebrating and enjoying Christmas.  And I was.  In fact, I was enjoying it and not stressed about him at all because we’d been talking again recently and while it wasn’t with the intention of leading into another relationship- it was nice to have that gap in my heart temporarily filled during this time of year.  But he couldn’t wait until January- when nothing of significance was happening, when I’d be able to take my time and process things and work my way through this heartache all over again.  Nope, that fucker made sure that he hit me when and where it would hurt the absolute most.  I suppose at least he didn’t do it right before actual Christmas, and he probably expects me to be grateful to him for that.  Of course.

Last night when I read his messages, my entire body felt like it was on fire and my eyes started to swell up, and that sensation spread across my whole face.  I was with my family so I fought to hold in the tears and sniffles.  I stopped the Christmas movie that I was watching because I don’t want this to be the feeling I associate with it the next time I watch it.  I put on Avengers Endgame because that’s my “make me feel better” movie.  Not sure why- but it usually works, at least a little.  I cried.  I stared at the message and kept opening it to read it over and over again.  I wondered why he wanted to do this to me now.  Weren’t we trying to be civil and remain friends?  Isn’t that what was happening for the last few weeks?  I broke down and let it all out to a friend who was texting me to find out if I wanted to use his account to watch the new Wonder Woman movie.  He was sweet and kind and tried to make me feel better, but it didn’t fix anything.  I texted my best friend, even though I didn’t want to because she’s dealt with a lot lately and I didn’t want to throw a wet towel on her and her family’s happy Christmas break.  But I didn’t know what else to do.  I broke down and cried to my mom.  I tend to avoid talking to her about things that have to do with my ex because she didn’t like him (didn’t like the way he treated me, he was condescending, and he could come off as just being downright rude a lot of the time) but I couldn’t keep it in, no matter how hard I tried.  She brought up a lot of valid points and tried to make me feel better, but despite my ability to understand what she was saying and agree with her on all of it, it still didn’t do much in the way of helping how I was feeling.

I’ve never been so livid in my life.  I’ve never felt so sad and angry and dejected and hurt and hopeless and betrayed all at once and I couldn’t process it; to be honest, I’m still having quite a bit of trouble with it.  I went to sleep around 3am, still watching Endgame.  It didn’t really help but it didn’t hurt.

I laid there for hours, not actively crying, but tears were streaming out of my eyes constantly.  I had to take my hoodie off because the sleeve was soaked through.  I woke up feeling like I’d fallen and hit every part of my body at once, just one huge ache.  I couldn’t eat breakfast.  I ran errands.  We got things done, but for me it felt like 3 hours of anxiety attacks coming and going.  I started to feel anxious and panicked being in stores and around people and it felt like some sort of strange sensory overload that I have never in my life experienced.  I indirectly took it out on my mom a tiny bit without realizing it, and I beat myself up internally for doing that.  I got home and asked my brother to make a post office run for me so I wouldn’t have to go out around people again today.  I haven’t eaten anything in over 24 hours.  I have no desire to.  I need to make myself drink some water because I don’t think I’ve had water all day either.

His message is still sitting there... showing as read but not replied to on Snapchat.  I don’t know what to say or how to reply.  I want to say all of the things I’ve posted on this blog over the last year... I want to yell at him and scream at him and make him understand what he’s done to me for the last year (plus 5) and make him feel some of what I’m feeling. But somehow I feel like that would just give him some strange feeling of satisfaction and he’d be content knowing that he obliterated me and he’s moving along without a second thought.  It’s not fair how this is all unfolding. It hasn’t been fair for the last 6 years and it’s continuing down the same path again and I can’t take it.  I just can’t.

And in reference to the first line of his message.  Garbage doesn’t try to hurt you and ruin as much as it can for you then skip away like, “lol, but fuck it, that’s just classic me, rightttt???  lol haha lollllll”

Speaking of “haha” and “lol”-- I am just this second realizing that his increased usage of emojis and little fillers like “haha” and “lol” were probably things he started doing to change and improve his communication for this new girl he’s talking to, and I just got some of it because that was the default mode he was already in for her.  I fucking hate him so much I don’t even have words... but maybe later tonight I will, and I’ll write another post.

[spiderman-spoilerman]

SPIDERMAN EXPOSED BECAUSE OF TAYLOR SWIFT ADDICTION: What Is Peter Parker to Spider-Man?

This shit that has been going on for months now has finally been solved. For the longest time I’ve been following Spider-Man oh so very closely, eager to find out his identity—not to expose it to the media vultures, oh no, our hero deserves more than that. But… to satisfy my own curiosity. He’s the only Avenger hiding his identity, you know? You’d think they’d be okay with it after all these other superheroes get to run around freely…

Anyway!

As you all know, countless names have been linked to Spider-Man. He seems close with Tony Stark, but that’s hardly relevant. There’ve been links to JD Slinger, the American Pop Singer, in a very poor attempt to sell records—you’re not Hannah Montana JD fucking Slinger! Stick to your trash music!!!

However untrue and disappointing Slinger’s attempt at fame is, he’s not the only one with musical elements that is linked to Spider-Man.

A few months ago, a viral video entering adorable and kind of pedos-get-the-fuck-out-of-here-territory circulated around the internet and into our nightly news, as does every baby goes viral video does. You can check it out on the link below for a good dose of endorphins.

[Link: Baby boy wants to be Taylor Swift, re-uploaded by djflash]

[Description: A six-year old boy is standing in the shower with a towel draped over his body like a makeshift cloak, he is clutching his tooth brush on and seems to be furiously lip syncing. The camera shakes as the person behind the camera stifles laughter.

May Parker, the original uploader and aunt of the then-toddler Peter, asks: Aren’t you tired Peter? From all the singing? You’ve been singing for two hours. Aren’t you cold?

Peter is intensely staring at the mirror as he lip-syncs but pauses to look at May. He says in a tired and raspy voice: Yeah, but, but my fans! I need to sing, Auntie May, for the fa— [looking harried] DROP EVERYTHING NOW, MEET ME IN THE POURING RAIN—

The sound of Peter singing is drowned by May’s scream as Peter falls on his butt, having jumped with his passion for the song, and tripping.

It cuts off with May laughing while taking Peter in her arms, phone capturing her picking him up and hearing Peter crying as he tries to get back to the mirror: It—doesn’t hurt May. Need to get back—my! My concert!

Video ends]

Now how does a viral video of a baby Taylor Swift fan connect to Spider-Man?

Well, May Parker posted it on Facebook when Flash Thompson, who claims to be a good friend of Peter Parker (although I highly doubt this, he’s only in it for the clout and Spider-Man’s love, click here for more on Flash), decided to share it to everyone. One of his reposts on Twitter propelled it to viral success.

Weeks later, May Parker decided to bless us again with more content by taking a video of her now teenage (17 years old—PEDO’S STAY AWAY) nephew singing, once again, a Taylor Swift song.

[Link: I’m so glad im seventeen and can properly thirst upon this wonderful hooman]

[Description: They are in the kitchen this time and May Parker is being discreet with her video-taking. A Taylor Swift song ends softly from his phone’s tiny speakers. A Spotify ad interrupts but the video cuts it off two seconds later for another Taylor Swift song to filter in.

We take in the scenario. Peter is in his pyjamas, shaking his booty while singing Stay Stay Stay. He flourishes his hands a few times, dramatizing, “That’s when you came in wearing a football helmet, and I said, [he changes voices] “Okay, let’s talk” [he finishes one pancake and pours a new batter in before using the ladle as a microphone, as if in anticipation for the moment, and, back bent, face scrunched up, belts: STAYSTAYSTAY I’ve b EEN LUH-VING YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME- TI-HIME! YOU THINK THAT ITS FUNNEH WHEN I’M—OH MAN, I spilled batter on my shirt!”

The camera shakes with May’s silent laughter. Peter does not seem to notice. He looks side to side, almost as if he is looking for something to wipe the batter with, but there are no paper towels in sight and his shirt is dripping with the excess batter the size of his fist.

In the most compelling, and understandable, moment of decision making, Peter has chosen not to be responsible and strips instead, to the utter delight of seventeen-year old’s in the world (and ONLY those younger than that! Pedos, I swear to god, if I see you, I kill you, that last blog was the last time you make me burn my eyes!)—a wonderful set of abs and toned muscles you would not expect from a seventeen year old boy singing to Taylor Swift with the squeakiest voice in the world.  Adorable. Ten points for my good boy ranks.

The video ends with Peter staring further at the shirt and licking at the batter before it violently cuts off to the roaring laughter of one May Parker]

It is peculiar, to watch May navigate the wonders of technology, too, because the first video was on her Facebook years unnoticed before Flash Thompson unearthed it for the world to see (Mr. Thompson, what exactly were your intentions going through a beautiful May Parker’s Facebook pictures?). But this time, she also apparently intended to send it to Peter’s friend’s Instagram account. However, the fluke came when she posted it and tagged them instead.

People who have followed her upon the first viral video have now decided it to be God’s work to distribute the video, making it viral within days. The very same people were the ones who noticed that Peter Parker’s singing style is the very same as Spider-Man’s.

I hear you gasp. Well, of course. I spit my tea as well, when I realized it too.

See, unless you were living under a rock, about a year ago, Spider-Man was exposed as a Taylor Swift fan when he saved a ten year old girl and began teaching her about the History and Influence of Swift’s discography and career, before proceeding to sing with her the hit song Speak Now. All of it was caught on camera, of course.

The people who spread this new video started a conspiracy theory that Spider-Man and Peter Parker are very similar people. One user @finn-man-the-aquaman pointed out that Spider-Man and Peter Parker’s voice are very similar. Another user @maxine_and_spider-man compared the dance moves from the two videos, putting frames of each steps beside each other, and found that it was so uncannily similar that it couldn’t have been a coincidence. It was an interesting point to make, because both Peter and Spider-Man had particular steps, all seemingly on a whim, but also matching each other perfectly. They are by no means good dancers, God no, but their whimsical dancing looks like two bad dancers following one choreography, couldn’t follow it technically but committed to it emotionally.

Twitter user @emiliar summarized it the best: the chest pump, the feet extension, the little jig, and the butt shake, before leaning backward and singing at the height of their emotions— apparently this is a common dance choreography?

To which @pissshitcry responded with a video that would bring us the wonderful breakthrough that I’ve been walking you all through.

[VIDEO uploaded by spidermansavedmetwice]

[Caption by @pissshitcry: No. Apparently: ]

[Video Description: Spider-Man is swinging through the buildings before stopping by Midtown High School, in front of a harried looking student, screaming frantically, and this is it folks: CAN YOU GIVE THIS TO NED LEEDS, TELL HIM SPIDER-MAN THANKS HIS FRIEND PETER! tHANKS! Before zipping away

Video ended]

Now. Okay. I know, calm down guys, I’m trying so hard not to run up the hills and do an Irish Jig, because I am so, so, so excited about all these new revelations! Nobody has quite documented this, too, so people, watch out for more of my content in a few weeks.

SO! Implication one: Spider-Man knows Ned Leeds.

Implication two: Peter Parker helped Spider-Man somehow.

Implication three: Spider-Man knows Peter Parker.

Cut, do it again, but with more emotions: SPIDER-MAN KNOWS PETER PARKER.

Let’s zoom back to a few weeks after the viral hits and Taylor Swift posts a video of her watching the video and then saying into the camera, with that iconic red lipstick and perfectly sculpted eyebrows: I have never thought this would be something that will happen to me in my career ever, but seeing a super-hero sing praises about me and teaching my [and she quotes from Spider-Man’s erratic explanation about her history] “unattainable song-writing prowess equal to that of the rock singing legends of ye old—” really does bring a smile to my face! More than that, Peter Parker is an absolute cutie too! He looks like such a sweetheart, baking those pancakes, apparently, for her aunt? Be sweet to your aunts guys! But also. I came here to cordially invite both Spider-Man and Peter Parker to come out to my concert in New York in two weeks! I’ll be there May 25th at the Lincoln Center, and maybe we can all sing together!”

She ends the video with the iconic Spider-Man wrist flip. The video has been circulated and has now gained over an estimated 100 million views.

It sparked a buzz of interest among the people, Peter Parker having received much of the spotlight. He hasn’t said anything in relation to Spider-Man but had reluctantly agreed to go to Swift’s invite. And I cannot emphasize the reluctant part. Kid looked so uncomfortable, but maybe he’s just shy!

Okay. Now, this thing is the most glaring indicator of what I will be telling you. The night of the concert. Everyone is there for Swift, but everyone is also there waiting for the much-awaited Spider-Man and Peter Parker saga. Halfway into her song list, Taylor Swift stopped to talk. The time has come.

Peter Parker walks into the stage, and the crowd welcomes him with adoring cheers, similar to Swift’s entrance herself. She introduces him, even though she absolutely does not need to, and the people scream their approval.

When Swift gives him his own mic, he almost drops it before catching it with his incredible reflexes. Swift calls for Spider-Man to reveal himself, much to the delight of the crowd, chanting his name as if it was a concert for him, which, in many ways, it kind of was. However, Spider-Man didn’t appear after that and the duo had to continue on.

It was a cute performance, with Parker stumbling a few times before getting the groove with Swift and belting it out as well. Everyone joins in on them singing and enjoying her old songs, Swift smiling and laughing the whole time.

Peter leaves the stage Spider-Man plushies and roses thrown for him, to which he received with a graceful bow. Swift resumes her concert after a few hearty jokes thrown in—but wait! What’s that?!

A screaming insect crashes at one of the large LED walls at the stage and the camera [and the collective crowd] is surprised to see the superhero—SPIDER-MAN!

“Ehehehe, hello Miss Taylor Swift, Ma’am!” He says, in a particularly deeper voice. Autotune? Before they sing it out, as they would—Swift laughing, and Spider-Man trying—Spider-Man explains that he was nervous meeting Peter Parker, before scrambling to correct that it was Swift he was nervous about meeting.

Swift then teases Spider-Man about a potential crush, which.

BRINGS US TO MY BREAKTHROUGH POINT.

TAYLOR SWIFT WAS ABOUT TO BRING US THE GAY COUPLE OF THE CENTURY, BUT SPIDER-MAN WAS TOO CHICKEN TO GET TO IT.

Okay, alright, I hate pedos, and we don’t exactly know Spider-Man’s age but we do know that he’s very young, what with all the pop culture references he’s been dropping with the intuition of an internet native. So, he’s young, alright? Possibly Gen-Z, even. Here’s a post you can see about his age analysis.

SPIDER-MAN. HAS. A. CRUSH. ON. PETER. PARKER.

[Insert hand chopping movements]

AND THEY ALMOST HAD A CUTE MOMENT ON STAGE HAD SPIDER-MAN BRAVED IT THROUGH.

PETER PARKER, AND I MEAN, PETER PARKER! SPIDER-MAN HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!

We’ve established that Spider-Man knows Peter Parker. They’ve met. Peter has possibly helped, or even saved Spider-Man himself. Now, saving a superhero is something that not just anybody does. And Parker himself is a student at Midtown Science High—he’s a smart kid! And seeing as these events just happened months apart, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to imagine them meeting again, perhaps, with Parker making pancakes in dewy mornings, and a tired (and yearning) Spider-Man is watching from the windows as Peter dances along to Swift’s songs.

The watching from the windows theory and thus getting to know the choreography might not be so creepy if you factor in the fact that Spider-Man might be hiding his crush for Parker’s safety!

It is like the modern incarnation of Super-Hero romance, only now, its more inclusive! To exist in such a beautiful world, and to watch such an innocent tale bloom in this cruel, cruel world. We could only hope to see more of them together, maybe as something... more?

--

COMMENTS:

reblogged by thunderstrike: this is like someone trying to overanalyze twilight for some depth—THERE ISN’T ONE!

thunderstrike reblogged by spidahmanna: come on, give them some credit at least for recounting the most batshit insane crossover in the universe as we know it so far

reblogged by skdfas: this person needs help, but very entertaining to read

reblogged by nedleads: oH MY GOD 

reblogged by kliyon: new ship, age appropriate Spider-Man x Peter Parker

reblogged by ekeke: um yes, i need a dash of meet-cute with one cup of flavored angst—soda please, I like it to hurt— large fluff, a BFF serving of some of them yearning, and a happy sad-meal for one please.

reblogged by unaunann: im done with this site, who wants to burn the internet with me?

3, 000 reblogs in 1 day

--

 Tony, reading the blog: Hmmm…

[Later]

Tony: Okay so I read this blog and I have remedied it.

Peter: Oh my god thankyoumisterstark I swear I didn’t mean to—

Tony: You are now the biggest shareholder for Spotify because I know you don’t want me to pay for a premium account, but if you’re gonna listen to those damn ads while singing to Taylor Swift, at least earn from it, you know?

Peter: …that’s what you took from the whole thing?

--

NEXT ARTICLE: The Avengers film a parody of Queen’s I Want To Break Free. Is Captain America is as beautiful as Rogerina, or is he too buff??? Tony Stark is an iconic drama queen, perfect for Freddie Mercury, and more!

[southernbell91]

Some Secrets are Better left Dead Chapter 5

Warnings: Stalking,Language Sunday was slow as usual. I spent a majority of my day researching everything I could. The name “Nat” driving me crazy, obviously it was shortened for something Natalia? Natalie? Natasha? No matter what I typed in on my regular social searches I was coming up blank, I would have to dig deeper to find her. 

           Sighing I sat my laptop on my coffee table and rubbed my eyes, I glanced out my living room window only to see the sun setting. I gasped. I had spent the whole day working and didn’t even notice. As if on cue my stomach started growling. I got up and started pulling together a sandwich and some chips to tide me over, clicking on the evening news while I ate. After a few mundane reports one caught my eye, “Tony Stark to hold Press Conference regarding His stepping down, Monday Afternoon live from Stark Tower.”    

    I typed a text out to Dean quickly to see if he could get me clearance to attend, after a few pulled favors and lots of back and forth I was in. A press conference wasn’t my style usually too out in the open, but I needed to see if I could run into anyone important from Saturday night. Almost anyone. I Shuddered at the thought of running into the Man and the woman they called Nat again though. Although I know realistically it’s all part of the job and bound to happen again, sooner rather than later.     

  Monday morning arrived quickly, I got ready to run by the office before the press conference, I needed my press badge from Dean or I wouldn’t even bother going in. I told him I wasn’t making the meeting this week and he excused me, understanding I was busy chasing information. As I crossed the lobby Alice the receptionist grabbed my attention.

“Layla! These are for you” she gestured towards the beautiful spring arrangement of flowers on her Desk.

  I blinked for a second before picking up flowers and the card, who in the world would be sending me flowers?

Staring at the Card it Said Star Bright Floral Company on the front, flipping it over I nearly dropped the vase in tiny hand writing it read  

Sorry about my friend, her people skills are rusty.    

  No name,The Mystery man. 

 I hadn’t even noticed I had started shaking until alice asked if I was ok, I just nodded my head and started mindlessly walking towards my office. How had he found me? I never once told anyone where I worked. Why, why in the hell did he feel the need to send me that? Did he say friend? So they were there together. Oh boy.

   I don’t know how long I sat staring at the flowers and card but it must have been a while because I nearly jumped out of my skin when Dean showed up in my office to give me my pass.

“Hey, kid you okay?” He asked concerned.

“Yeah, didn’t sleep well is all” I said looking up, putting myself back together. If he knew anything was amiss already,he would pull this assignment.

 He just watched me skeptically before shrugging and tossing a lanyard on my desk with a pass on it.

“Whatever you Say, good luck out there today.” he said turning to leave my office

I thanked him before he stopped and turned back “Oh and Layla, please watch yourself out there.” 

I nodded and smiled slightly, not entirely sure I could form words right now. Picking up the lanyard I studied it taking a deep breath. This was going to be a long day.    

  Before leaving for stark tower I typed out a text to wade.       Sister Margaret’s tonight? I could use a drink and some information.

Wade responded pretty quickly       Oh Snap, Yeah be there around 10?

I didn’t reply, wade knew I would be there. Sister margaret's wasn’t exactly the nicest joint in new york, not exactly a place you would expect to find a fairly successful male escort or a journalist hanging out but it was where you went to get answers. 

    I arrived at stark tower before the conference, joining the throngs of reporters in front of the massive building. Unlike them I had no desire to be front and center, I wasn’t here so much for the Announcement itself. No, I was here to people watch, I wanted to see who would be in attendance from Starks group, maybe even put a few names to a few more faces. Give me anything else I can use to dig into his background. 

   Prior to the conference starting I saw Happy Hogan, Starks head of security chatting with Colonel Rhodes to the side of the stage. Sam Wilson approached the two seeming to join the conversation, I continued my scan to see if I saw anyone else when my blood nearly froze. Standing just beyond the stage almost hiding in the shadows of the building was the mystery man, I had hoped he wouldn’t notice me but well let’s just say luck has never really been on my side.

     I tried to ignore his gaze as the conference started, and kept a watch for anyone else. Especially Her. I really didn’t feel like getting cornered again. I must have been deep in thought or something, because for the second time today i nearly jumped out of my skin when my thoughts were suddenly interrupted this time by Sam Wilson. 

“Sorry i didn't mean to startle you” he chuckled approaching me. 

“You're good, i was just thinking” i said turning  my attention to him, smiling politely.

“Don't blame you, these things can be pretty boring. So wasn't expecting to see you here, where's your friend?”

“Who dean?” i asked, turning my attention back to whatever board member was on stage talking. “He's not here, i'm here for work” i added pointing to my lanyard.

“Ah” he said glancing at the press pass hanging around my neck, then looking back at the stage. Well, guess that cat was out of the bag.

 After a few uncomfortable moments of silence between us the crowd roared to life, Tony was taking the stage. Just as he stepped up the podium I noticed a tall blonde muscular man make his way towards Sam and I. Stopping when he reached Sam he gave him a few friendly pats on the shoulder as he greeted him,

“About time you show up” Sam greeted the stranger.

The man, who’s eyes never left me, smiled “Yeah I was coming to grab you, but now I see Im also saving this poor woman from being harassed by you” He chuckled glancing at his friend.   

  “Very Funny, Captain Chivalrous” Same retorted “This is Layla, we met at that Charity thing you skipped out on the other night” Sam said introducing the two of you. 

“Layla this is Cap-” Sam was interrupted   “Steve Rogers Ma’am” Steve said as he stretched his hand out to be shaken. I took it hesitantly at first. I had heard of Captain Rogers, he was a war hero having saved an entire battalion of POW’s single handedly. Slowly gears started to click into place in my head, I glanced at the shadow still watching from the darkness of the stage, if this was Steve Rogers that made my mystery man his best friend, Sergeant James Barnes. 

 I gulped as I released the Captains hands, things just got a lot more difficult.

“You ok?” Steve asked me, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah!” I said quickly trying to recover. “Just kinda listening, gotta have something to report ya know” I said, pointing at my Pass once again.

“Ah” the Captain conceded “Well I’d hate for us to keep you from your work” he said giving me a sly sort of smile.

“No, your Ok, I’m a decent multitasker” I said, mentally kicking myself, but returning a polite smile.

  Steve was eyeing me, a look on his face that I couldn’t discern. Part of me wanted to believe he was really america’s sweetheart like everyone was made to believe. But something in my gut screamed that looks could be deceiving.

Just as Tony was welcoming Pepper to the stage, I saw a streak of red making its way through the crowd. Nat. And she wasn’t alone a blonde woman was in tow right behind her. The blonde glanced from Steve to me, obviously not liking the way he was watching me, an almost smug grin on his face.

“I told you to go grab Sam, not start giving statements to the Press” She said practically spitting the word Press while glaring daggers at me.

My heart started pounding in my chest, this was bad. This was very very bad.

“Very funny Natasha” Steve responded. “I was just making a new friend, you should try it sometime.” he grinned at her for a moment before turning back to watch me.

Natasha rolled her eyes at him “Whatever Rogers, we gotta go. Besides you're being paged, maybe you should try checking your phone sometime.” She said eying him before nodding back towards the stage. Barnes never having taken his eyes off the group, or me in particular, looked annoyed.

After having an apparent silent conversation with the redhead and a quick scan of his phone Steve sighed then turned to Sam “She’s right we better run” Turning to me, reaching to once again take my hand “It was nice meeting you Layla, hopefully it won’t be the last time.” He winked and turned to follow Natasha, the blonde woman just glared at me, I was very thankful looks couldn’t kill at this moment, then she turned and stomped off following steve and natasha. Sam said his quick goodbye and apologized for his friends behavior before following the group. The sounds of everything around me was muted as I watched the group quickly work its way to where Barnes was hiding on stage. I could see James and Steve have a very animated conversation their attention every once in a while turning to me before they finished up and head into the building just as the press conference wrapped up. 

    Yep, I'm so screwed. 

Story Masterlist 

Tags: @lancetuckershairgel   @stuck-y-together               @buckmesideways22         @eurynome827                         @book-dragon-13                     @marvelous-meggi     @spacemansam @cametobuyplums   @loricameback     @collinsstanharbour       @marvelgirl7 @jewelofwinter @jobean12-blog @sebastiansloserclub

[yoursinfulurges]

Baby Blue Circumstances

Winwin ×| Taeyong ×| Jaehyun ●| Johnny ×| Irregular Office Series.

Description:

In which a handsome, young, rich man tries to persuade you into giving him full custody of your kids. Because 'Technically they were his'.......

Warnings: Graphic sex, not-so-vanilla kinks, mentions of adoption, abortion, alcohol, toxic relations, child neglect, plot based.

If you do not like any of these then i advise you to go read something else in my blog.

I feel like i don't need disclaimers because it's obvious that this ain't real so....

_____________

You scrambled to turn on the tv as the impatient three year old in your arm screams. Wincing at the sound as you hurriedly ran from one area to another. Your apartment filling with the sounds of high pitched cries, and overly positive pixilated cartoon characters. The cries seemed to only get louder as you placed her down for a millisecond, to swiftly grab her baby bottle from the microwave. It was well over Jaehye's feeding time, being that it was already two o'clock and that she usually ate at twelve. Your gaze shifts from the child in your arms to the other, peacefully sat on the sofa. Unlike his sister he was calm, even laughing at whatever the animated characters were saying. You smiled fondly at the child. And looked at Jaehye once more, noticing that her eyelids are at the midst of shutting, indicating that she was close to slumber. You smiled and slowly made your way to their shared bedroom. Entering the mellow, navy blue painted room; you carefully tried stepping over the lego's and ponies that were scattered all over the floor. Succeeding, and carefully placing your daughter on her bed. You wrapped her arms around her brown fuzzy teddy bear and gently tucked her in, not forgetting to close the curtains on your way out.

It had been exactly 1 year since you had adopted these two angels. Though it was a lifestyle that was quite hard adjust to, nonetheless you were glad you made the decision. You would've never imagined that you'd become a mother so soon, as you were just starting to get your life together. You were a college graduate one day and suddenly a mother of two the next. Your friends called you crazy; your father asked if you were mentally sane; your sister made it very clear to you she disapproved; whilst your mother tried persuaded you to do it. You were puzzled. But, you can truly say that it was the best decision of your life.

Yes it was a real pain in the ass at first, but now it's become second nature. You no longer have to wake up in the butt crack of dawn to feed them; as they were more than capable now to grab a baby bottle from the mini-fridge in their room. You saved up money and effort by potty training them. And your financials seemed to stabilized as you no longer needed to spend extra money on over priced diapers. You weren't exactly a natural at motherhood but over time you gained the skills and know the children like the back of your hand. Even having a stable routine for them, of course without the surprised tantrums and spontaneous needs for story times. Their favorite story by far was superwoman, as your daughter calls it. It the more child-friendly tale of how they came to be in your arms, but they didn't need to know that...

The story of these two touched you dearly. Really it was quite a fairytale. Whilst working as an editor for some fashion magazine you somehow caught wind of the story of these two from your co-works. It was said that they came from an unfit mother who neglected them, and left her twelve year old sister to care for the kids. Leaving them with sevier health problems. The mother was a drug addict that chose to spend her time at night clubs, instead of caring for her children. She liked the carefree lifestyle, and you tried to understand her, really. But everything went into the trash can after she was convicted for attempted murder of the kids, not to mention drug possession and distributing. You've met her and can truly say that she was the most vile and disgusting person you've ever met. And the father?.... that was uncertain... It saddened you to know that they were made by accident... Two precious and loving children were conceived with the soul purpose of pleasure.

You debated for weeks whether or not you should do it. Rolling out the con's and sticking with the pro's: a stable job with a nice boss that paid way over minimum wage, a big apparent, and a job that works from home most of the time. You've asked many for their opinions and while most encouraged you and applauded you, there were some that disapproved, your sister to be exact. You and her have always been close, her only being two years older. She was wise and you always trusted her guidance. You understood why she disapproved and couldn't really blame her. You were just getting your life together, this would just crumble everything down. You were sad that you couldn't get her approval, but you didn't really need her permission. It was mainly your parents who you really needed to consult with. Of course they were unsure at first but they trusted you and made sure you knew the responsibilities before encouraging you. You knew what you were doing. Those children needed a mother, they needed someone. And so, the very next day you found yourself leaving the orphanage in front of your work place, with two children at hand. They were happy, despite what they've gone through. Though you highly doubted that they even know what's happening.

That day was filled with so much laughter and fond memories. In just one day, you showed them more love than their previous mother ever did. They even refused to sleep in their own room, scared that when they wake up they'll be back at the hands of their unfit mother.

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a lound knock on the front door. You stood up from your previous spot, on the couch, and slowly made your way to the door. Slowly opening it to reveal a handsome young man, that looked to be in his early twenties. He was wearing a grey suit that look very expensive, with brown swept back hair, and newly polished shoes. He was undoubtedly the hottest person you've ever seen...

"May i help you?" You asked, hesitancy clearly evident in your voice. "Yes, are you Ms. Lee by any chance?" He smiled, proudly displaying his dimples. His chocolate drown eyes sparkling in what looked to be delight, as his deep husky voice erupted from his lips. "That's me." You nodded. "I don't know how to tell you this, but im the father of your child." Your jaw dropped a little as your eyes blink rapidly, heart pounding in disbelief as you looked at the man again. He looked calm, pleased almost. "What are you- Jaeun, g-go look after y-your sister please..." You ordered, eyes not leaving the man. To which the little boy nodded to before turning off the tv and scurrying off. Clearly understanding that a talk between you and the man needed to be held without his presence. "Sister?" The man infront of you mumbled to himself. "I-i think you need to come in." Unnervingly, you said. To which he replied, "very well..."

"I didn't get your name?" He asked as he sipped on the wine he opted for instead of water. "Y/n, you?" The atmosphere was quieter than space; and ten times more awkwarder than your interactions with your neighbors who mate like wild rabbits. How do you follow up 'im the father of your child' by 'how was your day?' No.

"Jaehyun." He placed the wine glass down before clrossing his legs, a smirk playing on his lips. "S-so jaehyun why are you here exactly?" Jaehyun hm? Well now you can see where the mother got her inspiration from. She was probably moaning the name the entire night...

You saw the resemblance between him and the children, like the dimples and eyes, also the cheeks. They looked more like him than the mom, he was definitely the father. "Look I'll be very honest here. I wanna take back my child. I was unaware that they existed and i wanna raise him as my own now. So how much will it take." Was he thinking that he could just pay you off like that? Fuck no. Who does he think he is. To walk in here thinking he can buy the children off you. They are your children now not his. If he wants them he's gonna have to kill you off first. You were enraged as a matter of fact.

"Excuse me!? Do you just think you can pay me off like that? They're my children now, not yours. You may be the father but they're under my custody now." It was evident in your voice that you were angry but your stature remained calm. So did his, he just sat there and sipped on his wine, angering you even more. Did he think this was some game? "Look y/n, how much do you want, im prepared to pay any amount." He probed once more. "I don't want your money." Did he think he was doing you some good? You had money too, financials are the last thing you should be worrying about...

"Very well then, i didn't wanna have to do this but, Ms. Lee y/n, im suing you." He couldn't sue you, he had nothing against you. He just hoped that you would buy his bullshit and give him what he wanted.

"Suing me? You have nothing on me. What are you gonna sue me for? I signed the legal papers that clearly stated they are my children now! It was never stated that there were two legal guardians that i needed signatures from. Technically, you can't sue me!"

Damn you were smart...

"Im still suing you."

"For what!"

"Emotional distress!"

"Emotional distress?! Unbelievable! Get out!" You scoffed. Anger flowing through your vains.

"Mommy what's with all the screaming?"

In the midst of glaring at jaehyun a high pitched voice spoke, breaking your strong gaze. Your eyes soften as you turn to the hallway and see both your kids innocently watching.

"Nothing baby, nothing. This man was just leaving, go back to your room." You softly uttered.

"There's two of them?..." Asked jaehyun as he takes in the child's features.

"Yes, they're twins." The tone you used was unreadable, a mix of defeat and agony.

"Can I just talk to them, please. Then I'll leave." He begged, a glimpse of desperation in his eyes. You couldn't say no, you just couldn't...

"Alright, but don't tell them you're their father. Their not ready yet..." Jaehyun nodded and you called the kids to sit with you. They were hesitant at first but eventually did.

"Hi." Jaeun was the first to speak up.

"Hello." Jaehyun laughed at the boys cuteness.

"I'm jaeun, who are you?" He asked, pointing at the males direction.

"I'm jaehyun, nice to meet you." Jaehyun spoke to the child with care and gentleness. You saw how eagerly he wanted to get to know them. Extremely vulnerable to rejection.

"Nice to meet you hyung, that's my sister jaehye, but she's really shy..." jaehyun diverts his attention to the little girl curled up in your arms and waves. Jaehye smiles and waves back at him before quickly hiding in your chest.

"Look, I'm not giving you full custody of my kids, but you are always welcome to come and see them." You said sternly, arms wrapping around the frail figure in your arms.

Jaehyun nodded and smiled. That day he left with an unshakable feeling of excitement and a new formed attraction towards you.

He knew then and there that he wanted to be the father of your children. And if you will have him, the husband of your dreams.

Part 2?

Let me know what you guys thought of it.

[chimchimsauce]

Sanctuary (16 FINAL)

YN is a young girl, bright and ambitious, but due to her busy schedule, she’s been unable to make any real friends. When an ad for Saint Mary’s Sanctuary catches her attention, she never expected her life to be changed by a certain hybrid named Jimin.

Tag List:  @feed-my-geek-soul @raspberryhaterade@dinorahrodriguez @loriosborne @majestikblue  @younginfluencernut-blog @jiminotopia @yady24 @amoretti-rossetti  @j-hofe7 @scared-money @alina-foxy @catwhipes  @cloudyfelix @justfollowbacon @chims-kookies @hoodiebangtan@xanny91 @catarina-catycaty @lewd-lemon @yaseminflames @lulanii @jeonsdear @omgsasusakulover @let-fred-live @perfectlyfangirling @daddyjoonie @meganleafmusic @okayjinmin @blueskys-brightstars @boononx @bubblefishrainbow @scamanderbeasts @cjisluckycharm @artsy-gingersnap  @yoongi-bias @miraiikki @ccocorosie  @skyebloodhood   @mixedfandxms @vixsynsblog  @mypurplelamp @acupoftaewithsuga @xthefuckerysquaredx  @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @young-yellkie @yoonjinbabe @animedreamscometrue @thefutureiswithyou @2seokkyo @x-josii-x  @childish—soul  @lilliaflurr @daddyvernon    @jiminslye @moostachoaway   @beatstotheheart @im-a-percy   @dreadity  @lovesickpjms  @nanie5  @killcomet  @certainuncertainty11 @sunkissedhobi  

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

By the time YN gathers her wits enough to climb back upright and chase after him, the wolf is long done, wet, icy footprints all that are left of him. Jimin hadn’t closed the door when he ran blindly into the night, giving YN no barrier in chasing after him.

“Jimin!” she shouts into the night, eyes wide and panicked, breath turning into smoke as soon as it leaves her lips, “Park Jimin!”

The night is silent, the cold chilling her exposed skin to the bone. She hardly notices at all, the sound of the complete silence deadening all her senses. She breaks into a run down the street, picking a random direction and hoping that she’ll be able to catch up to him.

YN isn’t sure how long she’s out in the freezing temperatures, calling for Jimin fruitlessly, but she almost jumps out of her skin when a pair of warm hands land on her shoulder. With a startled scream, YN pulls away, turning towards her apparent attacker. Kim Taehyung stands there, hands raised in a sign of good intent.

“Woah, woah, woah, YN! Calm down, it’s just me,”

“Taehyung?” YN asks, beginning to notice the chill finally as the man snaps her out of her hysteria, “What are you doing here?”

Her friend looks bewildered.

“What am I doing here? I rushed over as soon as our call cut off and - but nevermind, let’s get you inside! It’s literally snowing out here and you’re practically wearing nothing. Your lips are blue,”

Gently, Taehyung leads her back to her house, her front door standing open and small drifts of snow taking up space in the doorway. The man kicks out what he can with the sole of his boot, shutting the door while YN stands shivering right beside her couch.

“Jesus, YN, what happened? Why are you running around like a madwoman in the middle of winter? Where’s Jimin?”

Almost instantly, the girl collapses into the startled Taehyung’s arms, tears slipping down her freezing cheeks and stinging as she desperately attempts to draw breaths in. Her body isn’t listening to her it seems, as she continues to cry loudly, clinging onto Taehyung like a lifeline.

Although he’s confused and slightly frightened, Taehyung holds the girls closely, patting her gently like he’s seen in the movies. When her cries finally calm down slightly, morphing into ugly hiccups, her leads her to the plush sofa, sitting her down gently and tossing the throw she keeps on the furniture over her goosebumped legs, rubbing them quickly over the fleece.

YN rubs at her temple, a headache already making herself from her sudden fit.

“What happened, YN? What’s going on?”

“I - Jimin - he,” she pauses, sucking in a large gulp of air and taking several deep, slow breaths, “I had Jimin soaking in ice water when you called me. I slipped away to answer you, and then we had our conversation. But he must have slipped out of the water, hormones or whatever, and then the next thing I knew he was hugging me from behind. I was startled, and I dropped and broke my phone,”

The girl grows quiet for a moment, as if she’s processing her story as if she wasn’t the one who was telling it.

“I suggested your solution. It was dumb, I was dumb, but I was frightened of him. You frightened me with all of your possibilities because it seemed like things were going as you said they would . . . that maybe I would wake up one day in a vice grip I couldn’t escape from. But I should have known better. I should have known better,”

She’s shaking herself, arguing with herself it seems.

“You don’t him, Taehyung. I do. I know Jimin. I know he wouldn’t have done anything. I knew, really I did. But I was afraid, so I asked him. You should have seen his face. You should have seen it, Taehyung!”

She’s yelling now, anguish bubbling to the surface.

“He looked so hurt. So broken! Worse than he ever looked when he talked about his past, worse than when we broke him out of Saint Mary’s, worse than I’ve ever seen! I didn’t know someone could look so . . . so  . . . defeated. Like he had his heart ripped out. It was me who made him feel that way, me! I’m the monster here, Tae!” Another sob, short, like she’s grasping for breath in the middle of drowning, “Because he was waiting for me! He sat there and bawled his eyes out talking about all these hopes and wishes I didn’t know he even had, hopes and wishes that all had something to do with me. I hurt him. I hurt him because I couldn’t even say anything as he bared his soul, as he confessed he was in love with me, Taehyung. I couldn’t even say anything, just say there uselessly, and now he’s gone into the wild in nothing but a damp shirt! He doesn’t even have shoes!” She wailing now.

On the other side of the couch, Taehyung sits with an uneasy feeling in his stomach, guilt flaring up inside of him.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, throat dry and eyes burning.

“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault but mine! I did all of this!”

“Do you love him?” Taehyung asks quietly.

“What?” she asks with a sniff.

“Do you love him?” Tae repeats, leaning forward and searching her red eyes.

“I - I can’t love him, Tae! I can’t! We’re - it would never work. He’s not human, Taehyung. We could never have a future together. I haven’t even let myself think about it. A hopeless pipedream,”

“You’re an idiot, YN. An actual idiot,” the man says harshly.

“What?” she asks, not expecting the sudden change in his tone.

“Jimin is just as human as you and me. He bleeds the same way, he cries the same way, his soul is every bit as legitimate as mine or yours. The only thing that makes us different is that foolhardy scientists with a god complex did torturous experiments on his ancestors, that his senses are heightened, that he has to go through this heat every time the first of the year rolls around. If you’ve been holding out on loving him because you think he’s something less than you, you don’t deserve him,”

YN stands in a fit of rage, shoving Taehyung harshly.

“Of course he’s not less than! How dare you even suggest I think he’s below me?! Jimin is the sweetest, most giving person I’ve ever met, Taehyung! He’s so easy to make happy, so willing to do things for others, such a bright person despite all the shit that’s been tossed his way!”

“So you’re saying you love him?”

“Of course I fucking love him! Maybe not the way he loves me, not yet, but I can’t even imagine living without him, Tae! I can’t even dream it!”

Standing up and brushing the remaining bits of snow off of himself, Taehyung grins at her, placing a large hand on top of her head.

“Then we’ve got a hybrid to find,”

But despite all of Taehyung’s outreaching and mysterious connections, the two of them are unable to locate Jimin, spending hours every day searching near and far, hoping that one of Tae’s people will be able to find him. Every day that passes YN grows more concerned, worried sick over Jimin.

Is he safe? Has he found somewhere to sleep? Does he have food? Clothes? Is he warm?

The optimistic part of her wants to believe that Jimin is perfectly okay, that he’s somewhere and not even thinking of her, moving on with his life and heading out to make something of himself.

But a larger part, the frightening part, can’t help but think he’s tucked away in some run down shed in the middle of nowhere, starving and freezing to death, wishing for his end to come believing he’s unloved, that no one will miss him when he’s gone.

Nearly three whole weeks pass by in terrible silence, YN barely able to drag herself to work, her health depleting as the fate of Jimin rots her from the inside. She’s nearly given up when Tae gives her a call, telling her that he’s finally found a lead, a man by Jimin’s description spotted in a grocery store about twenty miles away. His man had followed him to an abandoned looking house just off of a dirt road hardly traveled.

YN stops herself from feeling relief, afraid to be disappointed like the last two false calls Tae had reported to her. She doesn’t think her heart can take another disappointment.

When Taehyung’s old pickup rolls to a stop with a whine, YN sits stone still inside, eyes glancing at the house through a small smattering of trees, run down shackles falling off of its roof, the front door ajar and barely hanging onto its hinges, the tired looking paint peeling off off the outer walls.

“Are you ready?” Taehyung asks, breaking the dead silence.

“No,” she whispers, a sinking feeling falling into her gut.

“Me neither. Let’s go in,”

The two walk towards the house, their feet leaving marks in the thick mud and slush on the ground. The sight of a third pair of fading tracks seizes YN’s heart, her breathing speeding up. She clenches her fists in anticipation, remembering the martial arts she took as a child in case things go south.

The house makes a squeak as her feet stand on the rotting porch, YN glancing to Taehyung in a vain attempt to make herself feel better. The man had offered to check this out himself, but YN had insisted on going with him.

All the duo find in the abandoned house is a plate of messy leftovers on a broken down table in the kitchen, like the person eating had to leave in a rush and tried to eat as much as they could before departing. Nothing else is in the house except for the smell of decay and the few rats and roaches lingering in the corners, watching them with suspicious eyes.

YN is just about to call it a day, heart already bruised when there’s a groan coming from the floorboards. YN almost believes she’s hearing things until another sound come, a whining noise, and she and Taehyung give each other a glance. They sweep the place, more carefully this time, and Taehyung finds a loose floorboard he yanks up, wiping his dirty hands on his pants. The board hid a small wrought iron handle which he grasps tightly, pulling up.

For a moment nothing happens, but eventually the house yields, a cold draft seeping up from the gaping hole in the floor.

The noises are louder now, a grunt making its way up to their ears. YN, unable to see anything, presses a covered toe into the blackness, nearly falling when her foot makes contact with nothing but the air.

“I’ll go first,” Taehyung suggests, but YN shakes her head, sitting on the floor and slipping into the darkness.

Her feet hit the floor a bit unsteadily, YN flailing but righting herself.

Before she can call out, she finds herself pinned by a pair of glowing golden eyes, a growl ripping out into the void.

She can hardly see, but she softens at the sight of those familiar eyes, bright with anger. She takes another step and he growls again, but she ignores the clear warning, getting closer until she’s squatting right in front of him.

He makes a whimpering noise, looking away from her, eyes closing in an attempt to pretend she’s not there.

Jimin had been so hurt, is still so hurt when YN looked at him without saying a thing, so hurt when she broke his heart. It was worse than any pain he felt before. He’d left in a blind wave of hopelessness with the realization of something he’d kept suppressed for years.

He’s truly unlovable, isn't he? How could he delude himself into thinking someone as sweet, brave, so fucking perfect as YN could ever look at him the way he looked at her.

So why is she here? Why, when he’s already accepted that nothing good was meant for his pointless life.

“Jimin,” she whispers, almost like she’s afraid being too loud might shatter him.

It just might.

“Go away. Leave me alone,” he whispers, exhausted.

He’s tired. He’s so tired of being kicked around by the world. He doesn’t have the energy to stand up against it anymore, to fight against it.

YN doesn’t pay his words any attention, arms looping around his thinning waist, pulling him closer to her, laying her head on top of his bony shoulder.

“It’s my fault, Jimin. Mine. God, it’s not what you think. Not at all. I - I just thought your heat was making things fuzzy for you, that all of your words and actions were just consequences of that. I thought that the two of us had no business being anything more than friends to each other, that nothing could ever work out, that you’d come to resent me in the future. But Jimin,” she laughs slightly, pulling herself closer to him, “Living without you is hell. Being without you is hell. You’ve made me realize how beautiful the world is. It must be, for someone like you to live in it, for you to be alive and breathing the same air, for you to be there, holding me in your sleep, for your laugh to be the most heavenly sound I’ve ever heard, for your smile to make any shitty day a million times better. My life is better with you in it, Jimin, so much better that I can’t go back to living without it. And I’m sorry I’m so shit with feeling and I’m making it complicated but - I guess what I’m trying to say is -”

There’s a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob as the hybrid’s arms wrap around her as well, squeezing so tightly she can hardly breathe. But it’s the noise, the noise she loves so much to hear, dusting across her neck.

“You’re an idiot,” he says, nuzzling into her.

“I know,” she replies, tears gathering in her eyes.

“But I’m an idiot too,”

“I know,”

“And I’m so in love with you,”

She cries as she kisses him, hands tangling into his knotted hair, his warmth seeping into her.

She doesn’t feel so cold anymore.

-----------------------

A/N

I want to thank you all for going down this journey with me, for reading my little story and hopefully feeling something. Thank you to those who commented, sent asks, liked, reblogged, and those who did none of those things, but still took the time out of their lives to read Sanctuary. This story has a special place in my heart.

Don’t worry, this won’t be the last of it you see, I promise!

Love you all! 

[panickedvulture]

Found this in my drafts, so I’m posting it with no shame to give this blog some life while I’m busy trying to deal with post-endgame feels in the mcu sector of tumblr:

So I had a dream last night that made me realize I spend too much time on this site because it included some of my mutuals and people I enjoy like @theuriearchives ,@yagirlcammmm ,@i-think-im-ready-to-go ,@canyousevmyheavydirtysoul ,@dunjosephurieimagines , and @andbeingblueisbetter to name a few.

I have very vivid dreams and since I write all of them down I figured why not write it here where everyone can see it.

The genre for this dream: a mystery.

The setting: A beautiful cabin (apparently mine) plucked straight out of a “Visiting your SO’s family for the holidays” or a “fake-dating for a visit to your frenemy’s family” AU, my personal favorite. And there was a snowstorm going on outside.

I should also mention everybody had their own appearance. Usually I attach someone’s name with the face in their profile pic, meaning about everybody in this I previously imagined as Brendon Urie at different angles and in different lighting. But thanks to my brain randomly generating faces for everybody, I will be greatly confused in the case that I ever learn what you actually look like.

So, the topic at hand is, as it always is, Brendon Urie. Everybody’s cuddled up on the couch and on the floor in their pajamas drinking hot chocolate, eating dessert, and writing/giving ideas. In the background AFYCSO plays on an old record player, the fire is flickering beautifully alongside some black and white videos of old Panic! performances playing on one of those old big-backed TVs with lines across the screen – at this moment I feel like I am once again a preschooler laying on my stomach and watching movies in a pile of other preschoolers at my old after-school program but I digress–

Then somebody has the audacity to break into my house.

Me being the host of this gathering, I feel obligated to check on the noise. It doesn’t help that literally everyone stops what they’re doing to push me in the direction of the mysterious noise before going back to talking about the size of Brendon Urie’s dick (a conversation brought up by i-think-im-ready-to-go, just thought I should mention that).

So I get up, the second my back is turned nobody cares and I go into the bathroom only to find it flooded because this intruder flushed literally everything it could down the toilet.

To name a few things, it flushed:

1) The monstrous dildo linked on a post by beautiful-tragic-fallout (i don’t mean to call anybody out but its been on my dash with every damn refresh for the past week), who i-think-im-ready-to-go and theuriearchives make a point to explain is out of the house buying us more chocolate-covered strawberries.

2) Every single piece of Pretty. Odd. memorabilia I can imagine because someone just has it out for that album.

3) For those of you who have seen Monsters Inc, the toys Boo flushed down the toilet in that one scene.

4) An entire manuscript that my mind recognizes as smut written by @xxip-smut

5) And pink, fucking, crocs

So I walk back into the living room and round everybody up, declaring we’re on a manhunt for whoever the fuck had the audacity to break into my house, and with that we separate into groups. Accompanying me is Cam who wields a flamethrower while wearing pastel yellow pajamas with baby elephants printed on them.

Eventually after getting tired of Cam pointing the flamethrower at my head even when in ‘resting position’ and scaring the shit out of me, we go into the basement only to find everybody else chose to search the basement and the rest of you have been arguing about who actually gets to search the basement.

Long story short, the basement doesn’t get searched.

Instead to deal with the tension, dunjosephurieimagines suggests we all go back to talking about Brendon’s dick. So we go back to talking about Brendon’s dick.

We sit on the floor in a circle in this basement not realizing its dark and creepy as hell, and if you’ve seen That 70s Show the ‘camera’ moves around in this circle to focus on the face of whoever’s talking. The conversation adds up to smut, theuriearchives pulls out a blunt and i-think-im-ready-to-go pulls out a gun, we start playing russian roulette. Out of guilt for not writing a request sent to me months ago because I suck, I give andbeingblueisbetter a free shot at me. Being a saint they don’t take the opportunity yet.

So anyway, being high and creative a thought comes to us all at once. This thought…where the fuck is @loverontheleft ?

Now we’re all mad and sad and scared and alone because where, the fuck, is cece? Everybody starts asking everybody if they’ve seen her, we conclude the answer is no and we all start freaking out.

Then we realize canyousevmyheavydirtysoul (codename: Sev) is being really quiet.

We all turn and just stare like “So um….whats up?”

Flash-forward, this is all of us trying to figure out cece’s identity, sev is just sitting on the floor smiling and reacting to everything we say with reaction gifs they pull up on their phone, meanwhile we’re all screaming running around, we’ve made a literal office out of this basement and we have glasses and slip-on ties on top of our pajamas.

Then there’s a noise upstairs because we forgot there was someone who broke into my house.

Y’all turn on me and push me up the stairs to my death, I realize this is the cabin that appears in the bodyguard series at one point (wonderfully written by canyousevmyheavydirtysoul, binge it), and in front of me is the super fancy dining room table. There’s mail on it, some envelopes, and I’m like uh no and turn around to come back downstairs.

But you’re all at the bottom of the stairs staring at me and threatening me with your knives and Cam’s flamethrower – where you got the knives I don’t know. I hesitate in turning around for a second so andbeingblueisbetter shoots me.

But I’m like, you know, walk it off. So I do and I go to the table. I’m terrified, break out into a nervous sweat, but it’s fine.

I go and open the folder.

And O - fucking - kay

If you haven’t read the bodyguard series or ready to leap I’m not gonna detail any spoilers, just the main plot given right away, and even if you have it probably won’t help this make any more sense. Here….is the story:

Our beloved Cece started off as a teacher, right? But not just any teacher, Ms. fucking Milton, who started a relationship with the music teacher of her high school, Mr. Urie, who in this case is in fact Brendon Urie of our universe and lead singer of Panic! at the Disco. But the deal with him is that he got tired of the fame and through extensive work he managed to get rid of all the files that legally point to him as being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco. And for the first few years of his teaching, all the kids knew he was Brendon Urie I mean come on, but eventually the whole school and town settle on the idea that this is just one of those situations where twins are separated at birth and coincidentally given the same exact name. So boom, they do what they do – but newsflash, Cece is Y/n from the Bodyguard series and knowing Mr. Urie’s relationship with Ms. Milton, S.H.I.E.L.D pulls a Hydra Bucky Barnes situation in order to train Brendon into the best damn bodyguard the world could imagine because Cece is a valuable asset that needs the absolute best protection. Canyousevmyheavydirtysoul was like a journalist or something for S.H.I.E.L.D and witnessed all of this go down, knows every little thing about these two. So they get trained, they get close, drama happens, then they’re all put under-cover. Brendon goes back to being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco, Sev and Cece are assigned to live their current lives and specifically assigned to write their stories for this Tumblr community to get everybody off their trails.

And then I look up. And there’s cece and I think…

“She is about to fucking, kill me.”

I try to throw the folders at her but for some reason I can’t throw anything in my dreams, so I get frustrated that my arm just won’t work, Cece in the meanwhile uses this time to approach me. My mind can’t even generate her an appearance and I think that she’s wearing a disguise because she’s like a spy or something that did after all break into my house to clog my toilet with dildos.

We maintain eye contact for what my dream-self recalls as a long time. I feel this energy in my soul I have never felt before and it is not fun, I don’t like it.

She takes the folder from me and gives me a red one.

And with her eyes piercing my soul, I get this feeling that literally has my skin vibrating even after I wake up, and I hear this voice that’s like “I know you know. And I’m watching you.”

So I woke up in a cold sweat obviously and tried to suppress this whole thing but it kinda lingered in the back of my mind all day. Then the weird tiny details came back to haunt me when I saw the elephants at the zoo. 

[seraph-novak]

Eyes on You

Fic request ~ TJ is very supportive when Cyrus lands a role in the school play, but an unexpected kiss on-stage creates a huge misunderstanding.

Also available on AO3 ♥

P.S. I’d just like to thank everyone who nominated me for best author in the Andi Mack Blog Awards. It was such a nice surprise! If you’d like to vote for me to win, I’d really appreciate it, but I’m honestly more than happy with being in the top 3 with @cyrusgoodboye and @im-trash-bye. They’re both amazing writers, so please check out their stuff!

Cyrus was fiddling with his costume in the mirror when TJ showed up, his grinning reflection appearing above Cyrus’ shoulder.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted him softly, wrapping his arms around Cyrus from behind. “You ready?”

Cyrus leaned back and pressed his cheek against TJ’s chest, a shaky breath escaping his lips. “I think so,” he said. “Do I look okay?”

“You look gorgeous.”

“I’m dressed like a peasant, TJ...”

“A gorgeous peasant.”

“Wow.” Cyrus chuckled, turning in TJ’s arms to face his boyfriend head-on. “You are such a suck-up.”

TJ shrugged. “There’s nothing wrong with making my boy feel good about himself.”

“I like it when you call me that,” Cyrus said, biting back a grin as he wound his arms around TJ’s neck. Their lips were agonisingly close, barely an inch apart, and Cyrus was struck with the overwhelming urge to lean forward and close the distance. But he and TJ had come to an unspoken agreement that their first kiss should be special, and a stuffy dressing room behind the school’s auditorium didn’t exactly scream romantic, so he satisfied the itch by nuzzling his head in the crook of TJ’s shoulder instead. “I like being your boy.”

TJ held him tighter. “I like being your boy too.”

“I can’t believe we’ve only been doing this for two weeks; it feels like we’ve been together for years.”

“You getting tired of me already, Underdog?”

“Of course not!” He snapped his head up, only to find TJ smirking down at him. He gave his boyfriend a gentle shove and rolled his eyes. “Stop messing with me. I’m trying to have a moment here!”

“Sorry,” TJ said, his lips tightly pursed in an effort not to laugh. “You were saying?”

“I just think it’s crazy how comfortable I am around you.” He dropped his eyes to the floor, a veil of vulnerability falling over his face, and added, “I can be myself around you, without having to worry about being judged. It’s like you’re my best friend and my boyfriend all at once.” He dared a glance at TJ. “I didn’t know it could feel this way.”

TJ hooked a finger under his chin and tilted his head upwards, smiling softly when Cyrus finally met his eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Cyrus Goodman.”

Cyrus’ heart skipped a beat, his breath hitching in the back of his throat. TJ was looking at him with such raw emotion, his eyes flicking down to Cyrus’ lips in a way that couldn’t be ignored. The dressing room was small and musty, and Cyrus hadn’t inhaled a clean breath since he’d come in here, but there was no denying the sudden shift in atmosphere, the quiet crackle of energy humming beneath their veins, setting the air alight with wanting... Their surroundings weren’t perfect, but in that moment, Cyrus didn’t care. He started to lean forward, a hesitant smile tugging at his lips, and then –

“Five minutes until we’re on,” a squeaky voice interrupted them, causing him and TJ to spring apart as if they’d been electrocuted.

Cyrus shot a glare at the curly-haired boy standing in the doorway. It was Noah, his partner for the play, and the smug little smile twisting his ruddy face set Cyrus’ teeth on edge. He’d told TJ about the other boy’s obvious crush on him a few days ago, but he hadn’t mentioned Noah’s creepy intention to insert a kiss into their final scene together. Despite Cyrus’ multiple rejections, Noah had remained scarily persistent, and he knew TJ would go into full Hulk-mode if he found out.

“I’m almost ready,” Cyrus said, his voice cracking beneath the thin façade of patience.

“You heard him,” TJ growled. “Scram.”

Noah puffed out his chest and straightened his back in an embarrassing display of intimidation, but TJ was unfazed. After a few moments of awkward silence, Noah surrendered with a huff and stormed out of the dressing room, spitting a four-minute warning over his shoulder as he slammed the door.  

“I really hate that guy,” TJ grumbled, his petulant tone of voice making Cyrus laugh.

“He’s harmless.”

“Not when he’s flirting with my boyfriend he’s not.”

Cyrus poked him in the chest and flashed a teasing smile. “Is somebody jealous?”

“Not me.”

“Sure.”

“Whatever.” TJ gave Cyrus’ nose a playful pinch, then kissed him on the cheek, his lips lingering for a moment longer than usual. “You better get out there,” he said. “Go knock ‘em dead, babe.”

Cyrus squeezed his hand gratefully. “Thank you. I’ll meet you back here?”

“Ready for our date.”

“Yep!”

They shared a goofy, love-sick grin, both of them aware of the implications of their big date tonight, and Cyrus left the dressing room with a skip in his step. They hadn’t talked about it explicitly, but they were somehow both aware that tonight was the night their first kiss would occur. It was a pretty big deal, seeing as Cyrus had never kissed a boy before, and the fact that he was almost certain he was in love with TJ only made it more important. He just hoped everything would go to plan.

A few minutes later, he was ushered onto the stage with Noah, both of them sporting ridiculous peasant outfits. Cyrus wasn’t exactly sure what the play was about – some tacky, Shakespeare rip-off by the sounds of it – but he knew his character was there to serve as comedy relief between the dramatic scenes. Every time he and Noah were on stage, they were goofing around and acting like idiots, constantly trying to wring a few laughs from the audience. It wasn’t the most dignified role he could’ve landed, but at least it would look good on his college application in the future. And with TJ clapping and laughing louder than anyone in the front row, he could hardly feel embarrassed.

During their final scene, after the hero had saved the day, he and Noah threw themselves into a celebratory hug and started jumping up and down on the stage. Cyrus didn’t feel completely comfortable with Noah pressed so close against him, but the laughter from the audience was enough to stop him from breaking character. Once he and Noah had pulled apart, the focus was supposed to shift back to the main characters to complete the final scene, but Noah was apparently still fixed on the idea of kissing Cyrus in front of everyone. The audience broke into more laughter as Noah dragged Cyrus in for a sloppy kiss on the lips, his fingers digging uncomfortably into Cyrus’ waist. For a sickening moment, Cyrus was frozen in shock, but he roughly shoved Noah away once his brained had caught up with the situation.

“What the hell are you doing?” he hissed.

Noah wiped his mouth and sneered. “Giving the audience what they want. I mean, listen to them!” He waved a hand at the cheering crowd. “They love it.”

“But I told you I didn’t want to kiss.”

“So? It’s not real, Cyrus.”

“It is to me!”

Noah scoffed. “Get over yourself. It’s just a stupid play.”

Cyrus looked out at the audience, his heart thumping with a combination of shame and revulsion, only to find that TJ was gone.

“Oh no.”

“What?”

He shouldered past Noah and leapt off the stage, the confused whispers of the audience following him as he ripped off his peasant jacket and rushed out of the auditorium, the cool evening air in the parking lot soothing his burning cheeks. TJ was sat on the sidewalk with his head in his hands, his knee bouncing up and down with agitation. Cyrus sucked in a breath and sat down beside him, slotting his hands beneath his legs to refrain from reaching out and touching him.

“That wasn’t what it looked like,” he said.

TJ sighed through his nose. He didn’t look angry or jealous like Cyrus had expected, but sad. Heartbroken. It was awful.

“Does our first kiss not mean as much to you as it does to me?” TJ asked, his voice painfully small. “Because I never would’ve kissed a guy for the first time in front of you, even if it was just acting.”

Cyrus shook his head. “Do you really think I’d waste my first kiss with a boy on Noah?”

“Well, you just did, so…”

“It wasn’t scripted.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know it was gonna happen,” he clarified, his stomach gurgling at the memory of Noah’s rancid breath pulsing into his mouth. “I wanted it to be you, TJ. More than anything.”

The sadness in TJ’s eyes was quickly replaced with loathing. “Are you telling me he forced himself on you?”

“Well…”

“Is that what happened?”

Cyrus sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I guess so, yeah.”

“That fucking –”

“Don’t!” Cyrus yelped, frantically grabbing at TJ’s arm to stop him from storming back into the auditorium. He waited for his boyfriend to relax under his touch, then said, “He isn’t worth it, okay? He’s obviously the kind of guy who can’t take no for an answer.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s been trying to add a kissing scene for weeks, but I kept turning him down.”

TJ pressed a fist against his mouth, clearly trying to keep the curse words from spilling out. Once he’d calmed down a little bit, he turned to face Cyrus and lifted his hands from under his legs, peppering his knuckles with gentle kisses. “Did he ever try and do anything to you? Because if he did, I swear to god, I’m gonna kill him.”

“He didn’t,” Cyrus assured him. “I would’ve told you.”

“And that’s the only time he’s kissed you?”

“I promise. You know I’d never –”

“It’s not you I don’t trust,” TJ said, dropping another kiss on Cyrus’ hands for good measure, “it’s that slimy little jerk who thinks he has the right to kiss you without permission.”

Cyrus huffed a laugh. “Don’t worry. I’m never gonna let him touch me ever again.”

“He’ll lose a hand if he does.”

“You’re not gonna hurt him, TJ. That’s not gonna solve anything. Okay?”

“But –”

“Please promise me you’ll let me handle this my way.”

TJ gritted his teeth, as if the idea of letting Noah go unharmed was physically painful to him, then sighed. “Fine… What d’you have in mind?”

“I’m gonna report him.”

“Is that it?”

“TJ, you promised.”

“I know, I know. I just… That scumbag deserves more than a slap on the wrist.”

“Maybe so.” Cyrus shrugged. “But I’d rather not see you get suspended for punching him in the face.”

“A little suspension never hurt anyone.”

“TJ…”

“Okay, okay.” TJ lifted his hands in surrender, his frown tilting into a crooked smile. “I’m completely whipped, aren’t I?”

Cyrus grinned. “You said it, not me.”

“Can I at least go with you when you report him? You know, for support.”

Warm relief pooled in his gut, his heart stuttering with an overwhelming surge of love for his boyfriend. The idea of having TJ by his side made the whole thing seem a little less terrifying. “Of course you can,” he said, reaching out to cup TJ’s face. “I’d really appreciate that.”

TJ pressed his lips against Cyrus’ palm. “I’m sorry for doubting you,” he whispered, butting against his hand in an affectionate, cat-like gesture. “I should’ve known you’d never do something like that.”

“It’s okay,” Cyrus said. “You were only reacting to what you saw.”

“Yeah, but still… I was an ass.”

“I forgive you.”

“You sure?”

Cyrus scooted closer and rested his head against TJ’s shoulder. “I understand why you were upset. We’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to kiss, and Noah just stole it from us… But it doesn’t have to mean anything, you know? It’s not like I kissed him back.” He glanced up at TJ, deliberately batting his eyelashes. “In fact, I don’t even think it counts as a real kiss if only one person is doing the work.”

TJ smirked, apparently catching on to Cyrus’ plan. “What constitutes a real kiss then?”

“I’ll show you.”

And with that, he lifted his chin and kissed him, sinking into the soft sensation of TJ’s lips against his own. The parking lot wasn’t much better than a dusty dressing room, but Cyrus didn’t care. The gentle brush of TJ’s hand against his cheek was nothing like the sharp grip of Noah’s fingers; it was careful and earnest and full of love, and Cyrus couldn’t get enough of it. He tangled his fingers in the back of TJ’s hair and pulled him closer, and TJ responded by wrapping an arm around his waist and scooping him onto his lap. It was a slow and exploratory sort of kiss, the kind you can feel all the way down to your toes. And if breathing wasn't such a necessity, Cyrus would’ve happily spent the rest of the evening mapping every inch of TJ’s mouth.

“See,” he said, once they’d reluctantly pulled apart for air. “Still special.”

“It was perfect, Underdog. But I still wanna punch Noah in the face.”

Cyrus chuckled. “Way to ruin the moment.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He snuggled against TJ’s chest with a contented sigh. “If I had an ounce of physical strength, I’d wanna punch him too. But I’d much rather go on our date than spend the rest of the evening in a jail cell.”

TJ’s laughter ruffled the top of Cyrus’ hair. “I don’t think they’d throw us in jail, babe.”

“Do you wanna take that risk?”

“I wanna take you out.” He smiled, gently nudging Cyrus off his lap and helping him to his feet. “A future Oscar-winner deserves a decent night out.”

Cyrus snorted. “I don’t think my performance was that good.”

“Are you kidding me? I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”

“I think you’re a little biased.”

“Yeah.” TJ grinned, slinging an arm around Cyrus’ shoulders as they walked off into the night together. “You’re probably right.”