#apparently this copypasta is like. 15 years old.

[kirby-the-gorb]

[llycaons]

notes from notw read-along ep2 (pt 1), or: wow, fans of this book really need to branch out

listen to the podcast here

so one of the hosts is a PhD candidate at Johns Hopkins. we know this because he brings it up regularly, as if worried we'd forget

he starts off with a story about how he taught a class on Tolkein and casually dropped the fact that it was so well received he got an award. all essential to his point, of course, which is that a professor asked him a question. and now he gives us this question back. is this book like, good?

anyway mr. johns hopkins immediately calls PR a twat for having a pronunciation guide but since that's actually very common and normal in fantasy and widely appreciated amongst readers, he got some resistance from the other hosts. I personally like pronunciation guides!

I think he has a lot of substantial critique to give but he's so full of himself about it, which is hilarious given the podcast's critique of PR

fun fact: it's not 'the kingkiller chronicles" it's "the kingkiller chronicle" just the one. which yeah, it is just one in-universe. but damn that's annoying

so our story starts in the town of, I shit you not, "Nawerre" which is apparently pronounced like "noire" but looks a hell of a lot like "nowhere" to me

his inn is described as very generic, with meaningless words describing a flavorless setting but "the vibes are nice"

MC'S FIRST WORDS IN THE BOOK ARE "ACTUALLY" that's so funny

fun fact number two: PR said he wanted to make "an entirely new kind of fantasy" and "a story unlike any other"

HA

you know what's actually a story unlike any other? hunter x hunter. and even togashi drew inspiration from the work of araki and his stand magic. you can't act like you're not drawing on any previous work here pat your entire magic system is practically taken right from earthsea, a vastly superior work in every single way

because when uklg write she actually...says things

also, there's half a theme of stories about stories and framing devices...black sails did it better

so when mc's identity is sussed out the (super cool) mc delivers a monologue that had me cringing even as a 15 year old...behold the ultimate reddit copypasta

“I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep. You may have heard of me.”

I don't have an issue with big badass boasts but this is SO funny ohhh he ~loved women~ really impressive you know who else loved woman? gomez addams and he wasn't nearly as weird about it

iso yeah this is not effective for several reasons

first is that we don't know the context for any of these things because we just started the book. no, we haven't heard of him. because we just started the fucking book. and the guy he's talking to...does he even respond like he's impressed? I don't think he does?

well I'd rather die than go check because I hate this book so someone else will have to let me know

the second reason this doesn't hit is that he's the one telling his story. there's a difference between a legendary figure having tales told of them and someone telling you directly they're hot shit

between seeing what impact they've had on other people/actually seeing what massive things they've done and just...being an innkeeper saying "oh yeah I was this legendary figure trust me" I know which one is stronger

see: cql opening on the entire cultivation world shouting about the yiling patriarch being dead. the entire scene is in chaos and he's obviously the one that made it happen. he has a title. he has notoriety. everyone knows about him and hates him. when he thinks to himself "you dare kick me?" when he first wakes up, it's believable because we have the context of fearful cultivators telling tales about him over a decade after his death. he's widely respected, feared, and copycatted, because he WAS that much of a big deal

third reason this monologue sucks is that it's badly written. it flows well enough, but the choices of words vary in formality and scale, leaving some accomplishments far more impressive-sounding (university line, moonlight line) and leaving others sounding like absolutely duds (talked to gods, LOVED WOMEN)

even "spoken with gods" would have sounded better

a male character bragging about how good he is at sex with women is literally one of the worst traits he can have. unless he really just means loving them. which like yeah? I hope you love the women in your life? is this a thing to brag about?

PR trying to make a new guy going "he's really hot and cool and he knows stuff and he's so smart he outsmarts the teacher and he had red hair and he's a genius musician also and he's SO good at sex" in fact you've just described about 8 million power fantasies. nothing wrong with a fun oc like kvothe. but not much original about it either. rand al'thor meets most of those and he's the jesus figure in a far more impressive series

one of the issues in making a genius character is that imo you kind of have to show them being so smart because just saying "he's really smart guys trust me" kind of falls flat

for intelligent characters, consider death note: a gripping psychological thriller that's always interesting to watch because the characters are all doing 4D chess and trying to guess each other's next move and manufacture events to work in their favor. but it doesn't have to be a crime drama - having characters think ahead, be creative, problem-solve in a variety of ways, and come to conclusions quickly also works. shit, you can also just look at ritsu from mp100 escaping the claw base at the end of s1 with nothing but a spoon, some weak esper kids, and his wits. read any of mr. darcy's letters in pride and prejudice and watch how effectively he communicates his nuanced and complex thoughts

one of the hosts, bless her heart, gently forwarded the idea that it was kind of nice the protag went through a lot of trauma and came out really confident, and that she hadn't seen many protags like that. and I respect that inspiration through the fictional character and I know this story is dear to her so I'm not criticizing, but my goodness. there are so many protags like that chief. watch some shonen

I don't think I could be part of a podcast that tore my favorite book apart.

PR was asked during an interview "What woman screwed you over so badly that you came up with Denna?" and he didn't really answer but he did admit she WAS based on someone he knew which is. absolutely horrendous given the way she's written and treated and how she's like the only major female character in the book. what the fuck is his problem

I had to go on reddit to confirm that so please don't ask me anyone I'm not going back to a site that praises him for that answer using the word "indeed"

the remainder of the section details PR's control issues regarding how he wants people to read his story (by having kvothe interrupt and telling the audience how to feel)

for the record I remember I read this part of the book easily enough. I don't think I really enjoyed it, except for in the rare moments PR restrained himself, when he actually provided some emotional impact

for example, the mc talks about running away from gangs in the city as a young child. he says "one time, they caught me" and for once did not elaborate. and that actually had an effect on me because then you have to imagine what happened to him because he never brings it up again, which is understandable

but I did not enjoy this book. it was not funny or original, none of the characters were interesting or likeable, and the worldbuilding was only occasionally entertaining. it's a very bland story and I don't know why it's so popular

anyway I've seen crit role and I agree with the one host's assessment that PR expects people to center him when he speaks

massive ego, as we now know

in conclusion his fans need to watch more anime and then maybe they'll calm down. on the other hand, I don't know if I want people who are PR fans to be consuming anime

austen already has a ton of rabid fans they should definitely read austen

anyway...see you next time for part 2

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week 27

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 14 July 2007 and 15 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.14.2007

25) "Life's What You Make It," Hannah Montana 91) "G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out)," Miley Cyrus 92) "Make Some Noise," Hannah Montana 99) "True Friend," Hannah Montana

It might seem weird that I'm lumping in a Miley Cyrus song with all these Hannah Montana tracks, but I have some theories about Hannah Montana I think you might wanna hear! These are all impeccably crafted pop songs that I should not have listened to. You have to respect the craft, at least. A cadre of pop music professionals opened up a book of things that make listenable pop songs, and they managed to find the right voice to deliver these to teens, and all those people got to live in mansions and send their kids to college in Mustangs. These songs are the biggest pile of sonic trash since 2006, but it's not like the makers just shoved out junk, nah, this is precision engineering. These songs had a job to do, and now multiple people have chandeliers in their home. I get how 11-year-olds would like this, is what I'm trying to say.

52) "Because of You," Reba McEntire & Kelly Clarkson

I don't know how to explain this one. It's a cover of a sad song (albeit one with a nice tempo!) by a legend of country music and the original artist be... cause... it's... emotional? The original dealt with the effects of abuse, and Reba McEntire she decided it could be just a tad more ham-fisted? Most things don't need to exist, but this really didn't need to exist.

77) "Potential Breakup Song," Aly & AJ

This is a fine song, a nice piece of pop sweetness I knew I'd tasted before, but not quite so quality as to make the top 20, which means, via the transitive property, that "Lip Gloss" is better than every Beatles song combined. I hope that young tumblr user is still defending the virtues of this song, as there are many. Like, how do you write about a song when the definitive piece on it has already been written, y'know? What more can I add that the one tumblr user didn't already say? This song goes.

96) "Easy," Paula DeAnda ft./Bow Wow

"Just because I'm a teen, it don't mean that I'm slow" ...I just. I'm so tired. I didn't want to have to deal with a statutory rape banger. It's Independence Day. The sun's out, someone near me prolly got burgs and dogs on the grill, they're about to run some Pokemon at GDQ, I didn't want to have to deal with any of this. She was on The Voice. I wanted to talk about the single-most lopsided battle I ever saw on that show. This is unacceptable. Like, that line is out of context, I get it, Paula DeAnda is singing about how she wraps men around her fingers, that line is still a thing which exists within a song! This was awful.

98) "Until the End of Time," Justin Timberlake

apparently there's a version of this song with beyonce, and i just, i don't understand how to solo version charted. this was fine. j. timbies and timbaland calmed the hell for a second and made a fine slow jam, and it was a nice refreshing thing to hear after "easy," but. but beyonce! i wanted for to listen to the duet, with the music hero! why would you make me listen to this. why couldn't you have waited. what a disappointment, 2007. you have all collectively failed aly & aj. this is a confirmed breakup song, now, how dare you

nothing new in the top 20, but one more time for “potential breakup song”

7.15.2017

36) "Signs," by Drake

oh thank the lord a slow-ass song where drake tunelessly murmurs about how sad his extravagant life is. it had been a few weeks, i was worried he had found happiness. Like, can I take a minute to explain to you why Hannah Montana has more artistic validity than Drake? Those four songs were all bad, but they were all bad in ways that were distinct from one another. They were about rolling with the punches and acctepting things don't go your way, going out and having a fun time with the girls, being who you are and being so loudly and proudly, and how friendship was nice. You at least got thematic differences between Hannah Montana songs, I can tell them apart from one another. How is this song any different from any other Drake song? This is a point I've made in the past, but if Drake can put out the same song and be a millionaire, I feel I should be allowed to make the same critique so I can do the things I want to do with my life.

68) "Don't Quit," by DJ Khaled & Calvin Harris ft./Travis Scott & Jeremih

I don't want to do this with my life. OK, Calvin Harris, I get it, yoiu're the king of breezy summer jams. This might be the first time Travis Scott has ever been happy, and I appreciate that, but like... Ugh, I can't believe I'm gonna complain about this after complaining about another never-ending Drake slog, it's gonna sound inconsistent, but like I feel if anyone releases the same song five times in a row then they're purveyors of bullshit and we should expect better. Not a single cut off the Lorde album dropped, y'know. It's an adventurous album by a young woman who knows where she can take her voice, and nothing off that album charted, but this shallow-ass tool-assisted pop song like "You're an attractive woman, still!" is gonna be a top ten hit. (Worth noting: one woman in the top ten this week, and it's Rihanna, and technically she's a featured artist on her song.) You gotta give me something, man.

71) "No Complaints," by Metro Boomin ft./Offset & Drake

oh cool we also get trap drake, too. we get both drakes. what a treat. he's not even doing anything on this track. like he just says things over a beat. (it's a decent beat, metro boomin's good at this, the theme for 2017 is "known commodities doing everything they said they would do.") good lord, we don't even expect these people to try nowadays. just put your name on this track and say things with your voice and that is enough.

88) "On Everything," by DJ Khaled ft./Travis Scott, Rick Ross & Big Sean

I'll say this for DJ Khaled: he's hitting that happy medium, where there's enough variety in his songs that I don't automatically cringe when I see his name appear on the chart. Like, this is a completely different song from "I'm the One," and that's different from "Wild Thoughts," and while I don't always enjoy these songs, I can appreciate that it sounds like DJ Khaled actually made every song and didn't just copypasta something that sounded good for the next three or four singles. Like, I'm OK for not dinging him for "Don't Quit," it's not his fault that's what Calvin Harris decided all songs should sound like.

94) "Crew," by GoldLink ft./Brent Faiyaz & Shy Glizzy

oh thank CHRIST it’s another kid from the south mumbling into a microphone. the charts have so far been bereft of this sort of music, i was worried it might not find representation this year, really really cool that dudes mumbling is a genre of music we’ve all decided is an acceptable thing to listen to, i just, ok, i think, just, let’s just, ok, let’s, let’s do, get to, let’s just say who won and just, just

Who won the week?

2007 and 2007 also won last week because fuck 2017.

2007: 14 2017: 13

I think I’m gonna take a break from reviewing the new pop songs next week because I’m just so tired of 2017′s shit. Also, in two weeks, 2007 only has two new entrants, and while I am sure that the tag-team dream of Three Days Grace and Soulja Boy Tell’em can take on all comers, I’m not going to make a full post about two 2007 classics and a thousand Future songs. Like, I have had this list of all the songs which debuted in 1997 waiting for a moment like this, so next week: The 1997 Catch-Up. Because cripes, I’m sick of 2017 music. 2007 had maybe the grossest song I’ve heard in this project so far (despite two Piles songs!), and I’m still completely over 2017.