#apparently it's terrible for hormonal acne

[frodo-baggins]

chickened out of getting a contraceptive implant at the last minute :/

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

I fucking hate hormones. For all my life they've caused me nothing but grief. I hate being a slave to my hormones, I still have hormonal acne, I've never used any of my lady parts for procreation so having a period and all the hormones that come with it has been totally useless. If I could go back to tell 20-year-old me something, I'd tell her to get that hysterectomy.

I still have menopause before me and I know it's going to be terrible.

Jay's issues with female hormones is 100% me.

Sorry, apparently that was a trigger for me 😅 thanks for reading!

The Car [a Jay & Frankie fic]

Read on Ao3

Fandom: Triple Frontier

Ship: Frankie Morales x Jay ‘Lady’ Ray (OFC) **Series masterlist**

Warnings: Fighting, real talk, period mention, make up sex, nipple play, nipple orgasm, piv sex, cum on tits, cum eating, typical jay and frankie banter, pet names daddy and mommy.

Words: 3,282

Summary: Jay and Frankie have an argument about the car, and discover something new and exciting during the make up sex.

Alma is happily drooling in the baby carrier while Jay looks for the car keys. It’s not a common occurrence in the Ray-Morales household to have lost one’s keys – both she and Frankie are tidy people – but it’s not her own keys she’s looking for.

"You're coming by Tom's later?" Frankie appears in the entry, leaning over Alma's carrier to cuddle the baby. Jay hums non-committally as she stands with her hands on her hips, trying to figure out where Frankie would keep the keys to his truck, if not in the bowl on the side table by the door.

"Come by anytime," Frankie tells her, smiling at his daughter. "No reason to give granny any more time than absolutely necessary, right, Almalita? A quick lunch with granny, then return to base before the old bat does any damage."

"That's not fair," Jay remarks acidly. Her mother has really turned a new leaf, is treating Jay with respect, and is a wonderful grandmother to Alma. Frankie, however, doesn't forget a wrong done to his loved ones.

"Just saying," he shrugs, holding Alma's little feet and kicking them back and forth, much to the baby's delight.

"Yeah, well, it's getting really old, this ragging on my mom. She's helping out, respecting our boundaries, and hasn't said a single word of disencouragement since we reconnected," Jay reprimands him. "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't teach our kid to hate her grandmother."

"Okay, sorry," Frankie apologizes sincerely. He may not like Dorothy, but he doesn't want to stand in his child's way of having a relationship with her grandmother. "I was out of line."

"Thank you." Jay opens the drawer of the side table again, more thoughtfully now than in an actual search for the keys.

"You lost something?"

"Alma's chew toy."

"She's holding it?"

Jay looks over at the baby. "Oh, right." She looks at Frankie, sees his questioning frown, then realizes that there's a small bulge in one of his back pockets that makes one flat ass cheek stand out. He's got the keys. New tactic. She walks up to Frankie, smiling.

"What would I do without you?" Hands on his waist, Jay leans in for a sweet kiss, one that Frankie happily accepts.

"You'd be fine, and you know it," he grins, before stealing another kiss. Jay lets her hands slide down to his ass, copping a playful feel with one hand as the other sneaks into the back pocket. Just as she's about to grab the keys, Frankie takes a step back.

"Gotcha!"

"What?" Jay's not good at playing innocent, but she does try.

"You were trying to get my keys! You want to borrow my car!" Frankie accuses her, amused. "You know, you can just ask me."

"Fine," Jay rolls her eyes. "Can I borrow your truck?"

"What's wrong with the Rogue?"

"You know what's wrong with it!"

"The only thing that's wrong with that car is your attitude towards it," Frankie sighs, seeing very clearly where this is going. "I need my truck today, I'm picking up boards for Tom's patio."

"I don't understand why he doesn't do that himself," Jay mutters as she starts to gather up her things to leave. Her tits feel tight; she’s due for her period, and it’s making her feel shitty.

"Because his truck is a piece of shit, and it's in the shop."

"The Rogue is a piece of shit and I won't drive it."

"Jay, for fuck's sake." Frankie crosses one arm over his chest and rubs his forehead with the other hand. "We agreed that we needed a new car because the Bronco had no backseat, and it wasn't safe for a baby. We made the decision together - "

" - you made it, I had no choice - " Jay interjects sourly, glaring at him.

"We made the decision together, and you had every opportunity to suggest a car that wasn't a Nissan Rogue, but every car you named cost at least thirty grand, and you know we can't afford that!"

"We could've just kept my car!"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jayne, I'm not having this fight with you again," Frankie sighs, throwing up his hands. It's not the first time Jay's being bitchy about having to give up her beloved Bronco, and the car was sold months ago. The Nissan Rogue may not be sexy or particularly adjusted to off-road driving, but there is absolutely no need for a car like that. What they needed was a good family car, and the Rogue, albeit unsexy, was exactly that. To say that Jay's having a hard time adjusting to the change is an understatement: she borrows Frankie's pickup as much as she can, and he doesn't mind, but today he needs the truck himself.

"That's easy for you to say, you get to drive a real car, not some plastic pussy abomination!" Jay raises her voice and Alma, who up until now has been happy in her carrier, wrinkles her little face into a worried grimace. Frankie's with her in a heartbeat, smiling down at her and stroking one finger over her cheek.

"It's okay, Almalita, you're okay."

"I have to get going," Jay tells him curtly, taking her jacket and putting on her shoes. Wordlessly, Frankie hands the carrier over to her, and Jay leaves, slamming the door poignantly.

It's past Alma's bedtime when Frankie comes back from Tom's, tired but satisfied after a day of working with his hands. He finds Jay on the couch watching TV, but she does turn it off when he comes in and sits down next to her.

"Hi," he says quietly. Jay meets his gaze head first. God, he loves her fearlessness.

"Hi yourself."

"Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah. You?"

"It was okay. We got a lot done."

"Good."

"You didn't come by, and you didn't reply to my text."

Now Jay's gaze falters, and she raises her chin a little. "I read it."

"So my phone told me."

"I didn't want to come and sit there with Molly and the kids like some sort of wife," she finally snaps, but without any real vehemance. In fact, she sounds more despairing than anything else. Frankie sighs deeply.

"Jay..."

"I know, I know," Jay interrupts him. "I'm being stupid and hormonal and need to calm my tits, right?"

"That's not what I was going to say, and you know that."

Now she's glancing at him again. "I know."

"What's up, amor? Talk to me."

Those three magic words that they once agreed should be the foundation of their relationship. Jay can't ignore them, but she's struggling to put her annoyance into words.

"I do think it's hormones," she finally presses, loath to admit it. "I'm due for my period, and I'm... hormonal."

It's almost funny how she says the word like she's admitting to something a lot more embarrassing, but Frankie finds it hard to laugh. He knows how much Jay hates being stereotyped because of her sex, how hard she fights it.

"Okay," he acknowledges, "are you in any pain? Is there something we can do to fix it?"

"Tits are still sore," she throws him a small grin, and he grins back. While enjoying a quickie in the morning, Frankie had been strictly forbidden to touch them.

"It's going to be over soon."

"But it's not just that. I can deal with this."

Frankie waits for her to continue. Jay sighs deeply and leans back on the couch, pulling her legs up and sliding a hand over Frankie's back. Her need to be physical is endearing. Even when she's mad or sad or whatever, she wants to stay connected to him.

"I was afraid that having a baby would change things," she finally says, slowly as if she's looking for every word. "Change how people see me. How they treat me."

Frankie knows this. He had a front row seat during the entire pregnancy, saw how people reacted differently to her in public when she started to show. Before, he could walk around town with her like the couple of nobodies that they are. As soon as Jay was visibly pregnant, people started to notice her, smile at her, make way for her, ask her in the supermarket checkout line when she was due. She fucking hated it, and Frankie was witness to her snapping at people more than once. He himself felt neglected in the baby supply stores, where the salesperson always seemed to think that the mother was the only one who read up on car seats and birthing processes. It became very clear which parent society seemed to think was the more important one.

"I know, but we've talked about this," he tells her gently. "People are assholes, and we'll just do our thing."

"It's not just strangers anymore, Frankie," Jay points out quietly. "It's our friends, too."

"Who? And when?" Now he's staring at her, perplexed at her revelation. He hasn't noticed anything unusual but then again, he's aware of being blind to some things.

"It's not anyone in particular or anything specific," she shrugs. "But something's definitely happened. Mom talks to me differently now that I'm in the club of child-bearing women."

"Yeah, but your mom's - "

"Yes, thank you," she interrupts him sharply, and Frankie’s wise enough to shut up.

"The guys are different, too. I can't put my finger on it, but they are. It's like they expect me to whip out my tits at any given moment, and start spraying milk around."

"That image is disturbing," Frankie chuckles, shaking his head. "Jay... I can't say I've noticed anything. But if you say that things have changed, I believe you. Am I doing something wrong?"

She looks at him, puzzled, like she never even thought about it.

"I don't think so?"

"I need you to tell me if I am."

"I would." Now she smiles wryly. "You know I would."

"You wouldn't tell me, you'd yell it into my face," Frankie agrees with a snigger. Jay slaps his hand lightly before caressing it.

"I don't know what's up with me," she sighs. "I just... miss that fucking Bronco."

"Maybe the Bronco represents childfree life, the kind of life we had before Alma," Frankie suggests, not really knowing what he's after. "Maybe you're coming to realize that life has changed completely now that we have a kid."

"It sounds like you think I regret having kids," Jay accuses him, but he can hear that she's contemplating his words. He shakes his head immediately.

"I don't think for one second that you regret us having a child! But life is different now."

"Yeah," she nods, "I'm driving a goddamn Nissan Rogue instead of a proper car."

"If that's what your head is telling you to focus on, maybe it's an outlet," Frankie shrugs, "But I'm getting a little tired of hearing about that Bronco."

"How dare you..." Jay starts, but with a smile tugging at her lips. The rest of her warning disappears into the kiss Frankie gives her. He grins smugly at her before cupping her cheek and dragging his large thumb over her lips.

"You know that you can use my truck whenever you want to, Jay, but I really needed it today."

"I know," she mutters. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. And I get it. So much has happened in the last two years. Now we're about to move and all, you still have school... It's a lot. But can we please stop talking about that fucking car?"

"No promises," she quips, and Frankie gives her a soft shove.

"Come on."

"No. I'm gonna sulk about that car for the rest of my life."

"Mula."

"Pendejo."

Frankie leans in to nuzzle her neck. "You know what it does to me when you speak Spanish..."

"It's not supposed to."

Frankie only hums as he continues to scatter little kisses along Jay's skin. She relaxes a little, sighing softly and giving in to his gentle ministrations.

"Can we have angry makeup sex?" Frankie murmurs, his hand finding her thigh and following its curve to her ass cheek. "You're so hot when you're angry."

"You take that back," Jay growls, finding the back of his head and pulling at his hair.

"See, that's exactly what I mean..." Her tight hold of his hair makes him even more turned on, and now he covers her mouth with his, plunges his tongue into her, kisses her breathless. Jay allows it, enjoys it, but when he moves some of his weight on top of her, she pushes back.

"My tits are too sore.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“I’m not sure you can handle it,” Jay scoffs.

“Oh no…?”

He’s always up for the challenge. Carefully, he takes Jay’s t-shirt off, then pops her bra open and releases her tits.

“Hello, girls,” he tells them fondly, catching Jay’s eyeroll. “Careful, or your eyes’ll stay like that.”

“Aren’t they already from living with you?”

“You have such a mouth on you today,” he tuts as he settles comfortably on breast height. A feathery touch of his fingers on the outside of one breast makes Jay sigh.

“That’s nice…”

“Is it now?” Frankie looks up at her with a smile that somehow manages to be both tender and teasing at the same time. Jay smiles back, subdued by Frankie’s light touch and the natural way he adjusts to her needs to make her feel good. He starts to circle her nipple with one finger before very lightly pinching it. Pleasure zaps through Jay, drawing a first moan from her lips.

“Not too rough?” Frankie checks in, and Jay shakes her head.

“Just perfect.”

He does it again, and lowers his mouth to her other breast. His tongue starts to circle the nipple, occasionally passing over it, all the while his fingers keep softly teasing the other. Jay’s eyes fall shut as the pleasure rises unexpectedly. Her tits always were erogenous but with the added sensitivity of her forthcoming period, the sensations are on a completely new level.

“God, Frankie,” she moans when he scrapes his mustache over her rock hard nipple before taking it into his mouth to tenderly suckle it. The tight soreness of her tits right before her period started after Alma was weaned – thank you merciful God it didn’t while Jay was still breast-feeding – and now Frankie skillfully keeps her teetering on the line between pleasure and pain. It’s not the first time sex with Frankie does that, almost makes her hurt, but it’s definitely the first time her breasts are in focus of the titillation.

He takes his time, Jay has no idea how much of it, and doesn’t care to know. There is nothing to know except the way he’s making her tits feel, the way he’s teasing her, torturing her, making her wet, yearning, writhing.

The thought passes through her hair but gains no hold as everything is liquid, flowing sensation. Frankie goes on with the same kind of purpose he shows when eating pussy, and Jay’s not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. God knows not all women have partners who like the saggy, post-nursing tits. Frankie not only likes hers: he’s even crazier about them than ever before.

The sensation rises slowly but steadily until it explodes without warning, so suddenly that it takes even Jay by surprise. Shouting out, her body trembling, she anchors herself to Frankie by digging her fingers into his shoulders. He goes on lapping, caressing, gently squeezing, until she comes down, gasping for breath, huge blue eyes trying to focus on his face. Only then does he stop, and come up for a soft kiss.

“Fuck, baby, that was so fucking hot,” he tells her, shifting on top of her to avoid her now throbbing boobs. Jay doesn’t let go of him, her eyes still glassy as she searches his face.

“You knew I could do that?” she whispers hoarsely, amazed and puzzled at the same time, her brain still slow after the unexpected orgasm. Frankie smiles bashfully.

“I figured when you started to move like you do when I eat your pussy.”

She has nothing to say to that, only draws a deep, trembling breath. Frankie kisses her forehead.

“What was it like?”

“Um…” Fumbling for words, Jay wets her lips. “Like… an orgasm? But like, for the entire body, or… maybe more centered along the spine?”

“Was it stronger?”

“In a way, but… Frankie, I don’t know.” She looks almost shy, something of a giggle escaping her. Jay is neither shy nor giggly. It’s fucking adorable. Frankie dips to kiss her again, his chest pressing up against hers. Jay whimpers immediately, and he backs off, sitting up astride her.

“Sore?”

“So fucking sensitive,” she acknowledges, hands following the curves of her tits carefully. “Jesus, Frankie…”

“You think you can do it again?”

“Christ, no! I’d fucking die!”

“Not tonight, amor, I don’t have another 45 minutes in me.”

“45 minutes?” She gapes at him. Frankie gestures with his left hand, bringing attention to his wrist watch.

“I happened to check the time right before I started, and I just checked again. 45 minutes.” He looks proud of himself, and Jay has to grin.

“Daddy does have the stamina…”

“Daddy has a raging boner that he needs to stick into mommy right now, or his balls will explode,” Frankie tells her unceremoniously, the image of Jay cupping her tits underneath him making him very aware of his own needs.

“If mommy doesn’t mind?” he adds chivalrously, making Jay laugh as she reaches for the waistband of his pants.

“Mommy has a nice warm place for daddy to put it in…”

He doesn’t need long, and most of his energy is directed at Jay’s tits, making sure they don’t jiggle so much that they cause her discomfort. She keeps them in check with her hands, head thrown back as he fucks her steadily, sitting up with her thighs draped over his, holding her by the hips as he chases his imminent release. As his balls start to tighten, he has to resist the urge to go faster, instead finding his tongue to speak.

“Jay, can I cum on your tits?”

Her head snaps up for a breathless Yes! and moments later, Frankie pulls out, grabs his dick and pumps it a few times, groaning as he paints her boobs with thick ropes of cum. He stares at the mess, at her soft flesh, the stiff nipples, the rosy hue of the skin, the white jelly of his seed. Embarrassment pokes its unwanted head up to remind him how cheap and pornographic this is, but he sits back on his heels and shakes away the feeling, basking instead in the glorious view before him. Goddammit, he loves her so much. She’s perfect in every way.

He leans down over her and very gently licks her tits clean, enjoying her small whimpers and the way her skin tastes when salted with his spend. He then comes up to kiss her, ravish her mouth with his one more time before he, too, needs to catch his breath. Jay’s eyes flutter open and she smiles at him; a warm, loving smile that makes him just melt inside.

“I’m still real mad about the car,” she whispers, and Frankie starts to laugh, just as the baby monitor crackles and Alma’s blubbering comes through.

“I’ll go,” Frankie offers, getting up from the couch and reaching for his pants on the floor. As he leaves the living-room, he glances back and sees Jay stretch delightfully, a satisfied smile on her face.

God, he’d do anything for her.

[xixxvxx]

three months on testosterone

so i’m posting this eight days late… anyway. here’s what’s new since month two (mildly nsfw text and mention of menstruation under the cut)

skin and hair:

my skin didn’t seem terribly oily for the first half of the month—i felt like my acne subsided a bit during that time—but during the second half of the month my acne came back very proliferously on my cheeks, chin, shoulders, chest, and back

coinciding with the resurgence of my acne i noticed lots of new facial hair—i have what looks to be the beginnings of new terminal hair not just bridging my sideburns and goatee but totally covering my cheeks, which i am super excited about. steadily seeing more hairs on my belly and chest, which are starting to connect, and darkening hairs on my limbs

voice and body:

noticed a definite voice drop this past month—it happened kind of suddenly too

my hunger/appetite has been INSANE. i know i’ve mentioned it in several previous posts but it’s only grown since them. it is almost, not quite but almost, uncomfortable at times, and far more difficult to ignore than hunger i experienced pre-T. it’s hard to have a regular meal schedule because i always feel like i need to eat

i’ve experienced some degree of gastrointestinal bloating basically every day this month, and swelling in other parts of my body too—some puffiness in my ankles and, to a lesser degree, in my face. i’d been attributing this to my chronic illness, but recently my partner made me aware of something i hadn’t known when starting HRT: bloating/swelling due to water retention actually seems to be a commonly reported and somewhat studied phenomenon among people taking T. anecdotally i’ve seen a lot of people who experienced this kind of bloating say it starts to subside around the 6–8 month mark, so hopefully it won’t stick around for too long

reproductive:

really noticed bottom growth this month—not that it necessarily sped up but just that it’s steadily continued to the point that it just feels/looks very different (not complaining)

it’s now been over ten weeks since my last period so i am going to assume that i have stopped menstruating (not complaining!)

mood and energy:

i have felt pretty consistently tired this past month. my fatigue doesn’t necessarily stop me from completing my day-to-day responsibilities, but it does make it harder to get stuff done sometimes. i’ve been sleeping a little more—i don’t really take naps but i have been falling asleep earlier (sometimes just by accident, like i’ll pass out on the couch after dinner) and also having trouble waking up in the morning

i’ve definitely been struggling with my mood for the past couple of weeks. i’ve felt generally low on many days, and experienced dramatic mood swings on others, where i’ve gone from feeling energized and in good spirits to tired and deeply sad in a matter of minutes, sometimes with no apparent trigger. i’ve continued to deal with flares of irritability, though they don’t impact the way i behave or engage with others—i just find myself easily frustrated a lot.

gonna leave this post with a shorter summary than i’ve left on other monthly updates. while my first two months of HRT went by very smoothly, i’ve definitely hit a point where i’m starting to experience some of the less pleasant physical and emotional effects of T—some of which i was anticipating, some of which i had no idea could happen as a result of the hormones. 

i 110% do not regret my choice to start HRT when i did, am overall extremely happy with my transition so far, and plan to continue with it full speed ahead, but i do feel like it’s worth bringing up that some parts of this type of transition can be pretty difficult. be prepared, and do your research! (including anecdotal reports on online forums—i’ve learned more about HRT and had more of my questions answered by redditors than doctors at this point)

[parabelled]

You said you love skincare over makeup: me too! What's your favorite brands? :)

I have extremely sensitive skin that is prone to cystic acne due to my hormones being out of whack due to endometriosis, so I have to be very careful about the brands I use for either skincare OR makeup, and it took me a long time to realise that, and lean more into cultural beauty routines that take skincare over makeup (For example, Korean beauty or more traditionalist Swedish beauty, a la Ingrid Bergman, who famously never wore a stitch of makeup if she could help it and her skin was just that lovely that she didn’t have to). I’m also very aware of overt fragrances, stripping agents like alcohol (Baby Lauren was not; and thought drying out your skin equaled less acne; yikes), and any harsh additives. 

Sunscreen:

I’ve always taken sun care extremely seriously, as both my mother and my grandmother have had skin cancer before, so I’m most likely predisposed to having it. This has led to some unintentionally hilarious results of being the palest person in the world who plays beach volleyball both professionally (back in the day) and competitively (now, or before the COVID hit). I always wear long sleeves on the beach unless I have time to completely apply sunscreen, and am a snob when it comes to sunscreens as well. They can’t cause a breakout, leak into my eyes due to sweat, any of that good stuff. 

My sunscreen recommendations:

 (Note: And I literally get them from all over the world, so get ready, because I probably cover something available in your town/country. I’ve lived in Australasia, North America, and Europe, so I’ve pretty much covered a large part of the world in my travels xD)

Face:

Mychelle Pharmaceuticals SPF 28 in Coconut (Unfortunately only an American brand, but I literally get it shipped to a P.O. box near Canada so I can go across the line to get it. It’s that good. XD Doesn’t melt, dries quickly, unsure how it would look on darker skin than ghost white, but still doesn’t give me any sort of cast).

Innisfree Daily UV Protection Cream No Sebum: Literally a steal at twelve bucks, but DOES cause the dreaded white cast. Anti-acne and also settles down really well on the skin. I’m luckily pale enough that if I layer makeup over it, it usually doesn’t look as bad, but I’ve heard a lot of POC say they love the texture, but it gives them that ashy-white look (See below for some skincare brands I’ve heard are better for this for POC). 

Body:

Bioderma Photoderm SPF 50+ UVA and UVB Lait protection élevée: This is a really popular French sunscreen that doesn’t move and stays firm after you apply it and it dries down. It’s a high SPF quality, and I can find it in Canada, but I also obviously saw it in France when I was there as well. France is another country that really seems to follow the ‘If you have great skin you don’t really need makeup do you” train.

MooGoo Skincare (Generally and their sunscreen): This was my go to in Australia: I’d have to reapply it often because otherwise you would get burned, but Australia also has a gigantic hole in the ozone layer so it isn’t exactly helping itself. xD But it’s a local Aussie brand, it’s natural, and it’s great and relatively cheap (although you can order it worldwide I believe and they have a US based website if you’re in the states). I also love their leave in hair conditioner, as well as their self-tanner. They also send you great testers with it, and have great mineral-based makeup if you’re keen.

Coola SPF 30 Sunscreen Spray Pina Colada: This is my go to spray on for playing sports last summer. It’s natural, smells good, is expensive, but it lasted me an entire summer playing beach volleyball most days at the beach, and I still have some left over.

Some of my top other skincare recommendations I’d recommend otherwise would be:

My Current Routine:

- Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel (everyday)

- Dermalogica Overnight Clearing Gel (everyday)

- Dermalogica Microdermabrasion (everyday)

- Mychelle Cosmetics: SPF 28 Coconut (everyday)

- Clinique Oil Control Gel with Uneven Skin Tone Pump (everyday)

- Lush Eye Cream (optional)

- Benton Aloe Vera Gel (optional if my skin is feeling dry)

- Bioderma Photoderm 50+ for my body sunscreen  (everyday)

(Note: I also use a micellar water to clear eye makeup if I use it, and occasionally the Thayers toner if I have it on hand, but it’s not essential to my routine, and I don’t use eye makeup that often).

Dermalogica:  Expensive as all hell, but it’s literally the only thing that I can get a ‘wash and go’ effect from. Their Special Cleansing Gel is the only face wash I’ve been able to use for more than three to four months without having to switch it up from my skin throwing it’s own mini revolution. xD The one thing I could say is that their Cleansing Gel LITERALLY lasts forever. I have a gigantic pump which is 88 dollars (YIKES), but it’s lasted me literally seven months without having to change products and buying usually amount in cheaper skincare, going to the dermatologist, or having to get further medication from my doctor for my skin (I take an antibiotic to keep my skin at bay as well). It’s literally worth the money of me searching and floundering about buying cheaper options that make my skin break out that progressively add up to the full amount of the Dermalogica/ avoiding dermatologist appointments, so that’s how I justify it. So while it makes me cringe every time I buy it, it really is worth it if you’re washing it two times a day (There’s also a 250ml size for 55 bucks Canadian on Sephora if you want to give it a go for less commitment, and that usually lasts for a good two months on its own).

I also use their Overnight Clearing Gel for my acne (also expensive), and I can do without, but do like, their microdermabrasion scrub, which also lasts forever. I also forgot to mention that this is the stuff coming straight from The International Dermal Institute, so they know what they’re doing. 

Others I enjoy:

Klairs: My (relatively) cheap routine if I’m running low on funds for the month. They have a great body-based soap bar if you have body acne (Which I usually don’t, but if I’m doing a lot of beach volleyball in the summer, gremlins in the sand fuck with my skin, I swear to god). 

Innisfree: Great based routines, and if you’re able to actually go to a store to get skin-matched, they have some amazing stores in Australasia. I use their sheet masks often.

Benton: Their aloe vera-based products are amazing for skincare; I use them usually in lieu of a body lotion.

Thayers: Their unscented toner is the only toner I trust, and it’s usually on sale at a drugstore.

Mychelle Cosmetics: As mentioned above, it’s responsible for my daily sunscreen; unfortunately, you can only get it in the States (Which is why I literally have a P.O. box across the border in America where I go to pick it up from because I live about fifteen minutes from the US-Canada border. Seriously, it’s that good).

 MooGoo: As mentioned above.

 Clinique: An oldie, but a goodie. Their skincare routine doesn’t have the same effect on my face like Dermalogica, but if I’m in a financial pinch and need something to hold me over at the mid-point price level, I still turn to Clinique. I still use their gel as my moisturiser, and they now have this new ‘mix and match’ program with Emilia Clarke as their promo-woman. I’ve heard the shade range for the BB cream-based moisturiser is terrible, even for white ladies, but I just got their Oil-Control gel with an ‘uneven skin tone’ top mixed in to address acne-scarring, and I’ve already seen some good results.

 Biotherma: See above.

La-Roche Posay: The routine my dermatologist recommended as a top professor of skincare at a leading hospital related to a university in Australia. It’s very gentle, and their Effaclar another mid-level price routine.

St Ives: If I’m really poor, I go for St. Ives. I don’t use their scrubs, because they use walnut shells on their that can literally rip up your face, but I do like their body wash, body lotion, and they recently released a cleanser with camomile which is calming for the face. It’s not as good as the Dermalogica stuff, but for cheap and for no harsh alcohols or chemicals, plus making a move towards being cruelty-free, I think St. Ives is trying to revamp their brand a bit after that bad press they had concerning #walnutgate. xD

Lush: Another cheaper option (although not really, because Lush usually gauges you for more than you’d pay for a proper Clinique cleanser for a bar of soap/ once you’ve got your full routine together). That being said, I do like their eye cream. I’m in my mid-twenties now, so I’m starting to try to do more preventative skincare.

Mario Badescu: I still use their acne spot treatment if I have a really terrible zit, and it’s gone the next morning.

Other brands I’ve heard good things about:

First Aid Beauty (I want to try their tinted sunscreen for summer)

Supergoop (Apparently their mineral sunscreen is really great for POC, as it doesn’t give the dreaded WHITE CAST)

Shiseido (A classic Japanese brand)

Keihls (Another one I’ve heard great things about but is more expensive)

Ren Clean Skincare (Another skincare brand I want to try).

So hopefully this gives you some ideas to try, nonny, and hopefully this helps someone. xD -shrug-

[angelmichelangelo]

Why are all girls/boys schools so terrible? I've never been to one, but I went to college with a girl who had gone to an all girls high school and she was a terrible, two-faced bully. Like Mean Girls "cute skirt! that's the ugliest skirt I've seen" level of terribleness. Girls did bully me in my mixed school, but they were straightforward about it, her kind of bullying confused and terrified me.

so i went to an all girls school from the age 10-15 and uh it was pretty much a living nightmare.

it was VERY misogynistic (a lot internal) and basically just a breeding ground of bullying. a lot of it was just a popularity chart of who was the prettiest and most popular girl. i was friends with someone who had a literal headbrace for the first 2 years of school, and as someone who suffered really bad acne it was clear to us both that we were on the bottom of those lists. (and if u do have braces and have acne know that nobody should ever make you feel less for how you look)

there was a neighbouring school which was an all boys school (the school my brothers went to) and if you didn’t know “A Boy” from that school then you were seen as unlikeable because apparently that was all that counted - knowing and being seen by boys (i laugh in Gay haha)

i used to get called a “lesbo” by the other girls simply because i attended the school, which is completely invalid because... they... also? were at the school?? but yeah there was a LOT of homophobica, sexism, just general bitchyness, and whenever there were serious cases of bullying, the teachers never took it seriously because they just saw us all as one giant group of hormonal teenage girls.

there was actually one time my friend had her uniform stuffed down a toilet whilst we were in the gym and she was laughed at for it, and instead of the teachers doing literally anything, she offered us a free lunch pass to go to mcdonalds because according to her “junk food always made girls happy” - which is. yeah. wow.

also!! the teachers liked to blame people’s behaviour on our periods 🙃 whenever someone would be upset or there was a fight or an argument, our teachers would simply put it down to the fact that perhaps our periods had all synced up and that’s why we were always so “”emotional”” apparently!! so that was fantastic lol

so yeah all in all it was just a really awful school anyway? and tbh nobody needs “”same sex schools”” because nb people exist, trans people exist and the concept of separating girls and boys is just SO old fashioned - i always wished i’d gone to a mixed school (my primary school was and ALL my friends were boys i just got on better with them i guess?) but yeah it was awful and just so many arguments and fall outs and it was just like Mean Girls but just a million times more real and million times meaner

i think girls do get it in their mindset to be The Best, especially in a school full of 1,000+ more girls it just brings out the worst in people to maintain a certain image, which is a shame because i’m sure they were nice people before but school can turn you into someone you’re not, all for the sake of popularity yknow

[antipinkkitten]

My chronic illness adventure

In Spring 2018, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. We just moved back to the US from the U.K., after two years abroad, and I went from feeling depressed to full-blown dying.

I gained 30 pounds within two months. I had chronic headaches, fatigue and everything gave me anxiety. I started drinking more. I tried to substitute my disappointment in being deported with food and finding any reason to like our new life - until I couldn’t.

Two weeks after my 29th birthday, my body was giving out. I went to the doctor’s to get a prescription for birth control and she was visibly concerned with the state of me. She told me I had to get bloodwork right then and there. Within a week, I found out my antibodies on my thyroid were at 30,000, my vitamin D was very low, my health was declining rapidly.

Once I was put on medication, I lost 7 lbs within two months and I was feeling better. We moved flats and even though we didn’t love living in Denver, we loved our apartment, nature and both of us able to work.

With that, my Gyno was eager to get me on Mirena. Mirena, if you are not aware, is a progestin-only IUD, which is very widely used. Based on my doctor’s feedback, this would be perfect for me due to my excessively heavy periods - and she was right - I stopped getting periods immediately and felt like I had control of my life.

At first.

Within 6-9 months, I started to notice acne breaking out on my chin. First, small painful pimples - then, deep cystic acne. Then, my mood shifted.

I thought this was due to the stress of my move. My new job had moved us from Denver to Michigan; and finally to Dublin, Ireland. I thought maybe between doing two moves back-to-back, plus dealing with a spouse who had just given up a beloved job to follow me, was causing it.

Then, it all stopped. We were moved. We had an apartment, and adult life happening. We both had jobs. But I was still miserable. I couldn’t shake it. It felt like I had made a terrible decision moving us internationally again; we didn’t have friends and they were hard to make. My weight stalled, having me down another 8lbs, with no end in sight.

I went to a GP here, suggesting maybe it’s my birth control. My acne was out of control and I started growing facial hair. She took labs and found my thyroid was slightly elevated, my antibodies were at 5,000, and I had elevated testerone. I was told it was likely PCOS, but one stupid thing had happened.

One month before my appointment, I had to fly back home. I was slightly hungover and drank a couple glasses of wine on my international flight to knock myself out (sooo many no-no’s). I didn’t sleep, and at the end of my 16 hour trip, I took a small plane from London to Dublin. It had a moment where it lost pressure and I had the worse migraine of my life. Head-splitting, in fact. I wasn’t the only one; and the attendants apologised to all of us. But when they asked me if I’ve ever had a migraine, I mentioned this one and I was told I could not, under any circumstances, return to a combo pill.

Because of this, I was referred to a specialist. It took 5 months to a see a doctor, only to have her give me bloodwork again (since my labs were outdated) and schedule me a pelvic scan in a month - I didn’t get my follow-up appointment for an additional 4 months.

By this point, my hair was thinning, I had lost 9 pounds, but it was entirely from a high fat and protein diet, no carbs or sugars. My emotions were completely void; I chronically was crying or miserable. I felt like everything was trapping or smothering. I couldn’t eat a cracker without my face erupting in painful acne, and my body weight shifting. I tried PCOS diets, Hashimoto’s diets - it all. It just kept getting worse.

Then, in my appointment, they removed the IUD, after stating my headache was likely from being dehydrated and a low-flying plane. Within 3 days, my acne nearly entirely disappeared. I wasn’t restricted from eating any foods.

Two weeks later; my anxiety and depression are still there, but it’s different. I can explain it. My depression is caused by a frustration with my job, tied to homesickness. My anxiety is due to me feeling incompetent at my job, due to the pressure I’m under.

I’m still not drinking. I don’t feel comfortable yet. I lost control of my life, but I don’t think it was the alcohol. But I do think when my health declined, I failed to focus on it. I don’t remember much of the last two years. It’s like it’s all under a fog, and I know I’ll never get it back. Which is heartbreaking, but I’ll find my way out.

What I have realised is that something happened and even if it wasn’t the IUD, being told by 5 different medical professionals that I was wrong and the symptoms I was feeling weren’t real. They were, and they later had to admit they were wrong. Apparently, a heavily one-sided single hormone flux like what happened can wreck your body when you have Hashimotos. It has me terrified of what pregnancy, or anything like that can do to my body, and it makes me more skeptical of the people I’m supposed to trust.

I knew before the IUD went in that I reacted strangely to progestin only birth control and I didn’t know why. One made me bleed for 6 months, another made me gain 20 pounds while barely eating due to nausea. Both, within a month of going off of them; I recovered immediately.

To any medical professional- try and trust your patient, especially women. I have spent my adult life being told my issues cannot be a what they are - only to be vindicated later. Trust women.

[sevens-evan]

pride month day 16

author: daisys-quake

rated: g

pairing: none

word count: 1334

summary: He’s thirteen years old when he tells Aunt May to call him Peter.

a/n: just a lil trans peter oneshot because i have an absolute mountain of Feelings about peter parker and finding out about the trans peter headcanon was the best moment of my life. pre civil war; doesn’t deal with any of the events of mcu canon. enjoy.

You first figure it out when you’re nine years old, and your teacher asks the class what you want to be when you grow up. Your hand shoots up, and you proudly announce that you want to be a fireman. The teacher smiles sort of weirdly at you, and asks you if you mean firewoman.

That confuses you, and the class moves on, but you decide that no, you didn’t mean firewoman.

Of course, being the very responsible child that you are, in possession of exceptional time management skills, it takes you four more years to actually say anything about it.

You tell Aunt May, first. You’ve read all sorts of scary things online; kids being abused, thrown out, killed for being trans. But this is Aunt May, and she just hugs you tightly and asks if you want her to call you a different name.

You say Peter, because it sounds cool with your last name, and you think it suits you. It feels right when you say it in your head. Peter Parker. It’s a good name, you think. May tells Uncle Ben for you, and he’s a little slower with calling you he, calling you Peter, but he does his best and calls you son sometimes, and that’s more than you ever could’ve hoped for. And he gets this look on his face when you tell him you want your middle name to be Benjamin, all misty-eyed behind his classes, proud and happy and loving.

And so Peter you are, at least at home. And then at school, when you start high school, which is terrifying, but also sort of exhilarating. You meet with your teachers before the first day of classes, and Aunt May does all the talking. It hasn’t been perfect; she didn’t want you to bind, the hormones you’re starting next month terrify her, surgery makes her nervous; but you sit next to her as she tells each and every one of your teachers in her you-will-listen-to-me-young-man voice (and even though it’s only when you’re in trouble, you still get a little shock of happiness when she calls you young man) that they will call you Peter, they will call you he, and she will make them regret being born if they don’t, and God, you’re really, really lucky, aren’t you?

You start high school with your name change almost finished and hormones a month away, and as soon as you meet Ned Leeds in freshman biology you’re pretty sure you’ve met your long-lost twin brother.

Well. Maybe not. He’s Filipino, and was born in Hawaii, and you are definitely neither of those things. But still. He’s, like, really awesome.

“I’m transgender,” you tell Ned one day, when you’re building a Lego Millennium Falcon in his living room. He blinks at you.

“Huh?” He doesn’t seem upset, just genuinely confused. You flush with embarrassment and shame and—it’s stupid, because you’re not ashamed of being trans. You’re not. You don’t care what people think of you.

Except you totally, absolutely do care what Ned thinks of you, because he’s sort of your best friend now.

“I’m trans,” you repeat, staring at the Lego Han Solo in your hands. Your voice cracks a bit, which is usually exciting because you’ve been on testosterone for two months and things can’t change fast enough, but right now it just makes you wince. “Like, you know. I was born a girl.” Your voice trails off a bit. You won’t look up at Ned, can’t look up at Ned. What if he’s angry? What if he acts cool with it but it gets all weird? What if he tells you to leave?

“Oh,” Ned says. “Okay.” You see him shrug out of the corner of your eye. “That’s cool.” He doesn’t seem to have anything else to say.

“You’re not mad?” you ask.

“Dude, no way,” he says. “We got invaded by aliens, man. There’s superheroes living in our city. We’ve got bigger problems than you being yourself.” That’s…actually kind of funny. You half-laugh, finally lifting your eyes from the pile of Legos in front of you and looking at Ned. “You wanna get my mom to buy us pizza?” he asks you, and that’s the end of that.

Well. Not the end, really. He asks a few weeks later how you get your voice deep, and you explain testosterone. He tells you it’s kind of badass that you stab yourself with needles every week. You’re not…entirely sure how to react to that, but you’re pretty sure it’s a compliment.

The first time you don’t bind around Ned is the summer after your freshman year. It’s just too hot, and you can’t deal with it today. There’s acne all over your chest and back, and your binder is falling apart, and you spend ten minutes staring at it before you put on a short sleeve button-up over your t-shirt and leave to get on the subway.

Ned doesn’t notice, or if he does, he doesn’t care.

Then Uncle Ben dies, and suddenly you can climb walls and jump into the sky, and your body is sort of amazing now, even if you still want to climb out of your own skin sometimes. Most of the time. You’re not really sure anymore. You have a six-pack now, and no matter how much you eat you can’t seem to gain anything but muscle, and it seems like you shouldn’t be so uncomfortable, not when you were given a body that people spend years training for. But you can’t make it go away, can’t stop compulsively looking at yourself sideways in every mirror and window you walk past to make sure your chest looks flat, can’t use public bathrooms without a spike of anxiety in your throat even though you haven’t been misgendered in months, can’t even imagine going to school without a binder and a button-up and even a sweater over the top, on the particularly bad days.

You wear a baggie hoodie whenever you’re being Spider-man. No matter how hot it is, no matter how much you sweat and burn and kind of want to puke. You can’t bind while you’re swinging around the city, and you are absolutely not going to be known as Spider-woman. So you suffer through it, and you wash your costume at the laundromat down the street whenever it gets too disgusting.

It’s kind of amazing, the whole world knowing you as male. Most people already do; you’re not sure how many of your classmates actually know about you being trans. It’s not a secret, but you’re not really friends with anyone besides Ned, and you know you pass pretty well. Still, seeing yourself in headlines as Spider-man is a certain kind of exhilarating, even if no one knows it’s you.

You don’t know if Flash knows about you. You’re not sure if Penis Parker is a stupid nickname or a malicious taunt. Either way, you’re sick and fucking tired of hearing it.

So yeah. Things are pretty good. They’re not perfect; school is weird and sexuality is confusing and Flash is a dick and your insurance won’t pay for top surgery and you have to learn to shave your bad teenage mustache from a YouTube video instead of from Uncle Ben, but they’re pretty damn good, all things considered. You have May, who hasn’t called you she since you came out. You have Ned, who apparently did a ton of Internet research and now asks people for their pronouns when he meets them, and bought you a new binder for your birthday and got the brand and the size right and everything. You have good grades and testosterone and a really terrible crush on Liz Allan and you get to be a superhero.

Most of all, you get to be a man. And that’s sort of amazing all by itself.

my ao3

[gideonthethistlian]

My transition is still on pause x_x;

I need my skull fixed before I can start HRT

not only bc I'd need to actually physically go to doctor

but also my symptoms are too fucked right now to deal with the second puberty

and I'd need spoons to manage the body hair and acne x_x or my sensory issues would be really really bad

but also I'm in this terrible limbo where my hormones are kinda fucked because I'm off the estrogen based "birth control" and the lower estrogen means I'm dealing with like a mini second puberty anyway

I'm working on getting my legal name changed, apparently they made it easier?

[obsessivedilettante]

I’ve decided to get a little organized this weekend, since I’ll probably not want to do any cleaning. cooking, etc. the next few weeks due to work craziness. Not that I ever really want to do any cleaning, cooking, etc. in the first place, but I was gonna gift my future self the joy of not stressing about household chores when I’m stressing about other stuff.

I have skincare products scattered about my house, so I gathered everything together to organize it and store anything that could be considered a dupe in a box to be used as needed once I run out of what I’m currently using, because my bathroom is tiny and has basically no storage space (hence the products scattered about the house).

That’s when I realized I have wayyyyyyy too much product for someone with only one face. Even though I only started my obsessive skincare journey at the beginning of the year, I have acquired enough products to last me years. That’s crazy!

What’s even crazier is that I don’t even have particularly terrible skin. My skin is relatively normal -- not too oily, not too dry, although it can lean combo depending on the season or if I’ve travelled to a new climate (or if I’ve forgotten to drink enough water or am not getting enough sleep).

That said, I’ll never have perfect skin, no matter what, thanks to a bad case of the chicken pox when I was twelve that gave me a couple of scars. I don’t get much acne -- a few little barely noticiable bumps, and sometimes every few months a red angry one depending on hormones and stress. My pores are definitely visible, but that’s just the way they are (thanks for those genes, Dad).

Yet apparently this is the year where I did the “omg I’m getting old, there are distinct crow’s feet, I look so haggard when I look in the mirror, WHAT DO I DO?” freak out. Even though I know that you can’t look young forever, I’ve just been used to people assuming I skew at least 5-10 years younger than I am. But now people refer to me more as “ma’am” than “miss,” and this is the first year that I’ve not been carded when I was out with friends for a drink. (It happened twice! And I’m younger than 35!)

So I apparently had a mini existential crisis. I’ve never really been one to get caught up in the beauty hype. For years I’ve not worn makeup (except for special occasions). I’ve always let my hair air dry and do its thing without styling. My theory is that if I am clean and neat, then that’s all that really matters.

Yet somehow, despite me not being connected to the beauty world, I’ve still assimilated the hideous idea that visible signs of aging are things I ought to do my best to postpone.

It’s not like prior to this year I was destroying my skin. Because I didn’t wear makeup very often, my morning routine of washing with a foam cleanser and then slapping on some moisturizer with spf was apparently doing just fine. If I was going to be spending a lot of time outside, I’d add on extra 50spf sunscreen. My skin wasn’t dry or oily or acne-prone. I didn’t have a ten-step nightly routine (I honestly didn’t have a night-time routine, period -- sometimes I wouldn’t wash my face until the next morning, which right now to me sounds vaguely scandalous, but unless it had been a particularly sweaty or dirty day, there seemed no reason that it couldn’t wait until my morning shower).

But suddenly this year there were visible crow’s feet and I just looked so depressingly tired and haggard, which sent me into a panic.

I didn’t stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I looked tired because I was tired. For at least six years, I’ve had insane 60 hour work weeks with unpredictable schedules, which means I haven’t had a regular sleep schedule, since, uh, forever. I would get so busy, I’d forget to drink water. Oh, and I am older than I used to be.

Instead, I started to research like crazy and buy products, trying to solve problems that maybe I didn’t have.

To be fair, I think my skin looks a little bit better. I’ve got that “dewy glow” -- but I still have small bumps and visible pores and those icepick scars that will never be moisturized away. I also have started to wear makeup regularly this year, so falling in love with the concept of a double-cleanse actually works with this new habit, and because my weird pale-with-olive-undertones skin makes it impossible to find a decently matching foundation/bb cream/etc, I’d rather make sure my skin looks naturally decent so I can keep my makeup minimal.

But I don’t need endless bottles and jars of slightly-different-but-essentially-the-same products. I don’t need to keep researching products, desperate to find the so-called “holy grail” that everyone else talks about.

I don’t need a “holy grail.” I have enough “good enough” products that do what I need: keep my skin clean and hydrated and protected from the sun.

That’s not to say all skincare is terrible and you are a terrible person if you slather on ten products religiously every night. I’ve found that I genuinely enjoy the habit of an evening routine, even if sometimes I only use a couple of products (micellar wipes and moisturizer now have a home by my bed for a reason), or sometimes I want to do the whole shebang and do the double-cleanse with toners and essences and acids and moisturizer and occlusives. My skin is sometimes happy for all this pampering, and sometimes it’s like, “Whoa lady, we didn’t need all that, and it’s just gonna get wiped off in the morning without showing any miracles.”

But it makes me a little angry to think that there’s something deep down within that so easily believes the lie that women have to look like they’re in their twenties forever, or else they don’t matter.

Yet... there’s also another part of me that loves how glowy and soft my skin has become.

Is there a point to this? Maybe. There’s probably a whisper of an essay on feminism and how even those of us who think we eschew the normal standards of beauty still internalize those man-made rules (pun intended).

The real point, though, is I’m forbidden from buying any new skincare products because holy heck I have more than enough and it would just be a waste of money and space. Now, if you would please excuse me, I need to go and use up one of the gazillion sheet masks I have...

[barelynakedthoughts]

I'm struggling to accept patience. I wish I would have never pushed back the ultrasound time...I could wait a few more days with a bit more mental leniency. This is just excruciating and apparently this will be like this all the way until the end with possible relief from fetal movement. I just need relief from this stress...and it will only come from seeing the little one pumping their itty bitty heart at 140-170 bpm next week. My heart is heavy and sad...when it should happy and joyful. My brain is so cautious and my spirit is earnestly trying to keep things a float.

To say I am not doing well is accurate. I'm trying to keep my head up and I'm really pushing forward against my emotional preferences. The diarrhea has basically gone away, but I'm keeping an eye out for it to return because the doctor said to go see my PCP or an urgent care if it continues. Otherwise, I have no symptoms besides terrible acne, which is normal for me when hormones are being weird. I took a pregnancy test yesterday with the intent of inciting a smidget of hope, but finding out that hCG levels don't drop back to normal until 4-6 weeks after a miscarriage really shot that small ounce of happiness I got when I saw the positive tests again.

Just three weeks ago, those little tests excited me. They were my reminder that yes, we did it. We produced a being! Now they're just hollow reminders of hormone levels that dont mean much beyond successful implantation. When I messaged the doctor about my lack of symptoms and the diarrhea, they confirmed that we need to wait until next week to check for viability again. She speaks about it so nonchalantly and I'm just sitting here with...is my baby alive anymore? Maybe it would help if I didn't already get excited for this new era in my life. Maybe it would have helped had I not bought a cute maternity dress already...or made cute booties or bought a baseball onesie. Maybe it would have helped had we not told anyone. If this doesn't work and we get pregnant again, we won't be telling anyone about that pregnancy until after 20 weeks when a miscarriage isnt possible. Or we will wait until I start showing after 13 weeks.

Honestly, I dont know if I'm going to be up for trying again. I am very depleted since everything seems to point to the baby not being alive right now. After two years of trying, we're met with a high possibility for a miscarriage? I could focus on the stories about women who had barely any symptoms, but well...I had symptoms and now there are none. All of those stories lead to one poor outcome. This whole instantaneous depressive reaction is probably my go-to coping mechanism in preparation for the worst. I always do this...so many things have gone wrong, and it's just safer for me to not get my hopes up. It's sadder, but maybe by accepting the loss earlier, I can be done with this pain sooner.

My brain cycled through thoughts of suicide this morning. If it wasnt for the small chance this baby is fine orr for my husband, this day might be going a bit differently. Yet right now, I'm in wait as I have been and I'm trying to frame this pregnancy as an infertile person who may soon be able to remove the label. I'm treating this as a part of the IUI treatment. Just a longer 2-week wait. It's not helping all that much to think of it this way, but it has provided me some small fraction of freedom.

I'm just hoping this next week flies...and I'm really hoping our little is beating that heart away on that screen next week.

[ourmarcojohnson-blog]

Steroids for Weight Loss

What steroid is useful for weight reduction? Clenbuterol is a trademark alternative to Clenbuterol, its inspiration is to devour fat, and it is sans ephedrine and can empower women to improve slim mass, Clenbuterol goes about as a thermogenic that improves cardiovascular execution which is critical for those uncommon getting ready days.

Would steroids have the option to be used for weight decrease? You may accept that steroids are valuable for helping you to create muscle during a structured cycle. Regardless, the savvy thing about steroids if you have to danger calling them 'wise' – is that they do can devour gut fat.

In all honesty, steroids are every now and again utilized during cutting cycles to help guarantee thin mass and augmentation fat devour (by lessening set away muscle versus fat) – leaving you looking fit, cut and portrayed.

Furthermore, would it be fitting for you to stack them? Well… with the right combo, you can turbocharge your fat incident and achieve a tore body in as small as 30 days.

NOTE: women should NEVER stack steroids. Not aside from in the event that they have to make facial hair, progressively significant voices, and experience going uncovered (in light of its high androgenic effects). The best weight decrease steroids for females are Anvarol, Winsol, and Clenbuterol, regardless of the way that these ought to at present be used without any other person during cutting.

Points of interest in using steroids for weight decrease

The theory behind this isn't absurd. Surely, anabolic steroids are basically used to empower you to grow more muscle. In any case, this is simply cultivated by extending the proportion of fat your body devours. Likewise, the less muscle versus fat you have, the lighter you will be – bingo.

In any case, this isn't the principal advantage you can association from using steroids to move those bounty pounds:

Steroids can help the closeness of red platelets in your body, ensuring your organs get extra oxygen and enhancements. This mix can improve your essentialness and stamina just as your quality. Likewise, this is noteworthy, as the more weight you can lift, the more calories you'll expend. Furthermore, the more calories you expend, the more weight you'll lose.

A couple of steroids can lift water weight decrease – which is faultless in case you experience the evil impacts of water support.

Steroids can extend your rate of absorption, engaging a higher rate of fat disaster.

A couple of steroids engage midriff fat hardship – something even non-practice focus goers/standard Joe's will love – as no one needs a feeble stomach.

By and by, you may accept that the best advertisers for this sort of weight decrease are athletes who are endeavoring to cut. Likewise, it's genuine – the manner in which that these steroids can verify the muscles you've acquired during structure infers you can undeniably go into a calorie lacking, expend fat and leave with the fit, shake hard abs. Be that as it may, they are not using any and all means the main individuals who can benefit…

In all honesty, steroids could apparently help anyone with getting in shape.

Genuinely, not all calorie counters should amass muscle while shedding pounds. Regardless, where this extra thin build goes is inside and out up to you.

There is an inspiration driving why you see such a noteworthy number of weight lifters with thick upper arms and stick slight legs! They have contributed so much vitality constructing their arms, nonetheless, they've skipped/dismissed their leg days. Also, this nonattendance of action shows up! Specifically, within the sight of appalling twiglet legs that look unequipped for passing on their bodies. Regardless, it shouldn't be this way…

Dependent upon your body type and exercise schedule, with the right steroid combo, it is possible to control the appointment of this muscle, go without getting weight lifter type muscles – and achieve a physically meager, thin packaging that isn't exorbitantly constructed. Significantly more basically, do it right and you can benefit by a ton of fat/weight decrease in simply weeks.

How Does Steroids Help You Lose Weight?

Steroids without a doubt can be used to get fit as a fiddle, yet there is authentically not alone affirmation for prosperity.

For the starters, steroids improve your activity aptitudes through which the certifiable weight decrease happens.

Usually, it would take you 7-8 months to devour 12 pounds of weight under an extreme eating routine course of action, yet with steroids, you can lose as much as 20 pounds inside 2-3 months.

By then come various pieces of weight decrease, reduced cortisol level which steroids do by improving the level of testosterone in your body.

Cortisol is a hormone which is identified with weight eating and makes you consume an unnecessary proportion of sustenance.

Right when the level of Testosterone in your body raises the normal fat devouring system goes on and it destroys the cortisol level which prevents you from over the top eating.

Cutting steroids like Clenbuterol and Anavar are known to cause the going with effects which result in brisk weight decrease.

Improved BMI (Basic Metabolic Rate)

The decrease in Water Retention

Addition Fat Burning Hormone

Best Fat Burner Stack

For men, the usage of any of the steroid referenced above can incite an effective weight decrease.

Cutting Stack for Weight Loss Regardless, if you have to quicken the method, you can combine all these 4 steroids for the most outrageous results, and moreover, set yourself up for the unsafe outcomes.

Best weight decrease stack for women should be Clenbuterol and Anavar in light of the way that Testosterone isn't recommended for female use. As a woman, you would favor not to develop a man like features which may be unsafe and dangerous for your life purposes.

Clen and Anavar are the primary two anabolic steroids, which considered increasingly secure for female use.

What Are The Best Steroids to Lose Belly Fat? If you have to slash down the paunch fats, guarantee you manage the Cortisol level, which is generally accountable for the stomach fat.

Considering decreasing the Cortisol level, Anavar, Clenbuterol, and Winstrol are renowned to reduce the Cortisol level and from this time forward improve the stomach region appearance by discouraging the fat conglomeration.

Exactly when there is no Cortisol in your body, 99% conceivable outcomes that you will eat lesser than anticipated and consequently devour the remainder of the calories put away in your gut with the help of steroids.

Side effects of Steroid for Weight Loss

One of the huge downsides to each anabolic steroid is that they are notorious for causing indications. Surrendered Anavar and Winstrol aren't the most exceedingly dreadful miscreants out there, yet given an enormous segment of the open door they can at present reason essential horrible reactions.

I have to give up you the heads, so take a gander at the steroids for weight decrease side effects:

• Acne

• Hair hardship

• Abnormal body hair advancement

• Joint torment (Winstrol)

• Increases terrible cholesterol

• Decreases incredible cholesterol

• Harsh on the liver (hepatotoxic)

• Holds back a normal age of testosterone

Regardless, that isn't all.

What you have to review about Clenbuterol is that is definitely not an anabolic steroid. This infers its responses are a completely surprising ball game.

Clenbuterol can facilitate any of the going with disagreeable reactions:

• Disturbed rest/Insomnia

• Excessive sweating

• Headaches

• Shaky hands/tremors

• Muscle issues

• Nausea

• "Wired" sensation

• Anxiety

• Erratic heartbeat

• High circulatory strain

• Suppresses taurine and electrolytes

"Is injectable Winstrol better for the liver?"

Any sensible individual would concur ordinarily steroids in the injectable structure are not typically destructive to the liver. In any case, this isn't the circumstance for Winstrol.

The blends for the two sorts of Winstrol are made a similar way. This infers whether you neck it or juice it the prescription is going to give your liver some distress.

What Are Fat Burning Foods? Allow me to make one thing straight before us initiation.

There are no fat expending sustenances that will engage you to lose fat alone. Reality.

There's a regularly acknowledged legend that sustenance, for instance, celery are 'negative calorie sustenance', for instance, the body uses more essentialness handling them than is truly contained inside the vegetables themselves.

Disastrously, no sustenance has these properties.

Here's a reality:

Eat up a bigger number of calories than you use, and you will put on weight.

It genuinely is that essential.

The key is to watch the eating routine and get some action.

Seek after this and you will get increasingly fit.

Regardless, tune in:

In case you select the best fat devouring sustenance, you are supercharging weight decrease! Really!

These marvels of nature empower the body to devour, methodology and frustrate fat; while others truly make you feel full snappier so you are not striking the icebox!

How Do Fat Burning Foods Work?

With everything taken into account, fat devouring sustenance for individuals to work in three central ways:

Lift Metabolism

Your body looks like a vehicle engine. For it to work it needs fuel.

Examining this article, it's just sitting over. In any case, boosting assimilation is proportional to crushing your foot down hard on the gas pedal!

Some fat devouring sustenances increase the BMR (basal metabolic rate) which means your body is working in additional time – it needs more fuel.

It finds this is your fat stores!

This prompts more calories being scorched and you looking phenomenal.

Cover Appetite

There's nothing more horrendous than endeavoring to watch the eating schedule, be that as it may, bearing the desolation of being greedy between meals.

Numerous fats devouring sustenance are longing for suppressants, they engage the body to feel satisfied for additional.

This suggests no all the more following goodies and including purposeless calories!

Addition Lipolysis and Decrease Lipogenesis

Fat devouring sustenance tape

Lipolysis portrays the limit of the body to separate fat stores.3

Get this:

There are some wonderful ordinary fat eliminators which addition the rate of lipolysis, inferring that the body is in the perfect fat shedding state!

There's extra:

Lipogenesis is the way where the body structures fat. The best fat expending sustenances can ruin this technique, which means less fat is made.

A blend of these two makes for a certified fat-destroying machine!

So now we should look at the best fat expending sustenance and refreshments.

What Are the 10 Best Fat Burning Foods?

This is what you are here for!

We should not waste any extra time and get down to the veritable business! I've gathered a summary of fat devouring sustenance!

1 Cayenne Pepper

Fat expending sustenances cayenne

This sustenance is awesome as it might be used in every way that really matters any dinner!

Likewise, trust me, this present one's a real fat eliminator!

Studies have exhibited that cayenne pepper raises the internal temperature of the body (thermogenic), which subsequently raises BMR meaning you expend fat.

In any case, there's extra:

Cayenne pepper is a really astounding craving suppressant. Sprinkle on your dishes and you won't be lured to eat again until your next supper! 4

This genuinely is one of the sustenances that expends fat rapidly.

2 Grapefruit

A staple of any eating routine!

For a long time, grapefruit was recommended as a conventional start to the day as a result of its disease anticipation specialist properties and low-calorie check.

Regardless, contemplates have since shown that it advances weight decrease!

Grapefruit contains naringenin, a flavonoid with incredibly momentous properties.

Tune in up:

Research has exhibited that naringenin diminishes insulin affectability and reduces fat creation – which means notwithstanding the way that you are less disposed to get a donut to support sugar desires, yet the body will be stifled from making progressively silly pounds! 5

3 Cinnamon

Fat devouring sustenances cinnamon

Like cayenne, another fat expending sustenance that can be added to by and large dinners!

For example, it's uncommon on oat, a get-up-and-go for meat or even just flew into that morning coffee!

Cinnamon bolsters BMR, sending your processing into overdrive and devouring fat.

4 Tuna

This fish is phenomenal in two guideline ways.

To begin with, it's a magnificent wellspring of protein.

Identified with your action plan, this protein will lift muscle advancement. We are not taking mass like degrees here, nonetheless, you will basically look molded and tight!

Besides, fish is high in omega-3 acids. These unsaturated fats have been shown up in starters to lessen paunch fat!

So pounds drop and all that is left is tight fit muscle!

5 Green Tea

Fat devouring sustenance green tea

A real fat devouring superfood!

Notwithstanding the way that it tastes uncommon and is stacked with malignancy counteractive action specialists, nonetheless, green tea has furthermore dependably been showed up in primers to shed the fat! 8

Make green tea your drink of choice for the span of the day, and it will:

Lift BMR – devouring those fat cells.

Addition fat oxidation – fat cells discrete and can without quite a bit of a stretch be shed.

Smother hunger – the sensitive caffeine effect infers you remain fulfilled!

6 Chocolate

Really, you read that right!

Chocolate can empower you to get fit as a fiddle!

Regardless, be wary:

Pick diminish chocolate with a cocoa substance of 70 – 80%.

It's a wonderful wellspring of polyphenols which augmentation metabolic rate and devour fat!

In like manner, it's as astounding as a hankering suppressant, that surveys have demonstrated basically smelling it makes you feel full!

7 Coconut Oil

Fat expending sustenance coconut

It's ended up being logically chic to use coconut oil in cooking, and as it ought to be!

This oil is high in medium-chain triacylglycerols which contain numerous fewer calories than various fats.

Ideally, the oil should be obliged when wanting to get fit as a fiddle, anyway, you need a couple of treats, isn't that so?

Get this:

Starters have exhibited that coconut oil certainly improves weight decrease appeared differently in relation to the past top pick, olive oil.

8 Almonds

Notwithstanding eating craving smothering sustenance as recorded above, in spite of all that you may get an astounding nibble attack that won't leave!

In case that is the circumstance, snack on almonds! These surprising nuts make you feel more full for additional, deflect ingestion of specific fats and have been exhibited in starters to lessen weight!

9 Oysters

Not just a Spanish fly!

Mollusks contain staggeringly a lot of zinc.

It has seemed huge people have low degrees of zinc. Not solely can zinc satisfy the craving anyway it decreases the sugar requiring effects of insulin?

10 Garlic

Fat expending sustenance garlic

One of my favored fixings! Likewise, a standout amongst other fat for expending vegetables!

Regularly, it adds incomprehensible flavor to your dishes, yet furthermore, it's surprising fat devouring sustenance.

A progressing report showed that garlic can work to both expend fat and balance new fat gathering!

[gotbangvixx]

Bts reaction to falling for a staff member

Seokjin

It started with you being his worst nightmare, you were hired to work specifically with him and Namjoon since you capitalized in people who were terrible dancers. You made Namjoon a better dance, you didn’t make Seokjin a better dancer, in his defense he really tried, but your face was distracting... in a good way. At first he wasn’t sure what to do, should he hide it? There was no ‘101 manual in how to deal with being in love with your dance teacher when both of you were the same age’. He ended up actually confessing, but it was in a weird way since he could see you were getting frustrated with yourself when he made no progress. You never did manage to teach him dancing, but you taught you a few things about love.

“In my defense... yeah I got nothing here...”

Yoongi

You were a decently known producer hired to work on a track with BTS, and god you and Yoongi could not seem to get a long at all, you argued about everything, and Jesus Christ Yoongi found it hot. The thing was he knew that he needed to be a professional, he needed to not... fantasy about sexual intercourse on the couch in the corner... You he failed on that one, so he just kept doing what he did... picking fights with you over trivial things.

“Arg! Why don’t you listen at all!”

Hoseok

Getting a new dance instructor was always really exciting, Hoseok had known that it was the first time they would have a female instructor. He had expected a person much older than them like they male instructor. Instead you looked around his age if not younger. And you were so pretty. It was really love on first sight for Hoseok, it didn’t help when he stayed late night to get a choreography down and then ended with you helping him, actually you need to like stop touching him it wasn’t good for his hormones. In the end he didn’t really have it in him to seek you out, so he would stare and sigh from afar, or right behind you during dance practice.

“uhm... uhm... I like your... I’m sorry Yoongi is calling for me!”

Namjoon

This... didn’t start well, you were technical engineer tasked with fixing all the electronic Namjoon decided to break. This meant that you knew that mans porn preference before anything else. This is not a good way to meet people. specially when you took to teasing him every time you had to come to the studio to fix whatever technology he had decided was his victim at the time. That was also how he slow fell in love with you, he liked that you could keep up with him mentally and you weren’t afraid of teasing him and hell at this point you probably knew the worst of him.

“I don’t even know you and you are kink shaming me! How is this my life!?”

Jimin

You were his stylist, the person in control of making him look as cute as humanly possible, it also meant that you saw him at all the points where he looked his worst. That was why he fell for you after all, cause you didn’t seem to care about stuff like that. You treated him the same even when he was bared face and you were covering up acne or measuring him. You were always nice to you, it was hard for him to admit it at first, but slowly he grew more and more accepting of the fact and he would end up asking you out.

“I promise! I am eating! You don’t have to worry about me!”

Taehyung

Taehyung managed to fall for his vocal coach, to be honest he didn’t know what to do about it. Taehyung would be really cute about it tho, trying to always make you laugh and enjoy your lessons together. More or less he would be a little to awkward to actually confess some hopefully you have more guts than him, but he would still do his best to make you fall for him.

“I really like you hair today, it is really pretty.”

Jungkook

You were Hoseok and Jimin’s personal trainer, which actually made Jungkook a little salty, cause he had specifically asked for you! But apparently you specified in lithe dancer bodies  instead of muscle building. This lead to the most adorable puppy crushing the world had ever seen. Every time you entered the gym he would do his best to not wear a shirt and be slightly sweaty so he looked good! He would stand in awkward positions so his muscles would look good, basically everything to impress you other than you know... actually asking you out.

“Nono I’m fine, I were just stretching!”

Authors note:

I hope you liked this!  Got anything specific react you would like to see? Send a request!

- Prussia

[chachichelsea-blog]

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

So I thought I would discuss this topic. I have recently started talking a few new medications for my PCOS and I have been feeling the side effects from one of them quite badly. The last week or so I have been doing a lot of research and thought I would share. 

So in the summer of 2013 I ended up in the hospital with extreme pain. It was nothing like I had ever experienced before. Extreme sharp pains on my left side. I thought I was passing a kidney stone or something equally as shitty or that my appendix had burst. My mother rushed me to the emergency room and I had many tests done. Ultrasound, pelvic exam, blood work and I was told that I had ovarian cysts and that one had most likely popped. At that time there was nothing really they could do about it. Gave me some strong pain killers, told me to wait it out and made an appointment with a Gyno. 

Two months after the whole ordeal I went to see a Gyno. He informed me that I probably had PCOS. He put me on birth control to help with the infrequent periods and sent me on my way. At the time I didn't really do much research on it. I mean 20% of women have it. I knew I had a lot of the symptoms, but a lot of women lived with it. So it couldn't be that bad. I mean I have always been heavy, I’ve gotten used to waxing my facial hair and infrequent periods was just the way my body ran. 

I took my birth control for the next year then I stopped when the prescription ran out. I was lazy, I didn't want to go back to the doctor. So I just lived my life. 

I then was enrolled in this weight loss program. And they just don't want you to lose weight, they want to get you healthy from the inside out. Starting with any disease or condition that would cause you gain or keep weight on. So before my first doctors appointment I went for a million different tests. And in my first appointment my doctor straight up told me that I probably had PCOS and that I should see a hormone specialist. I was like thanks I already knew that.... But he scheduled me an appointment with a hormone specialist and gave me some literature on PCOS to read in the meantime. 

So PCOS is a common endocrine system disorder among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS have enlarged ovaries that contain small collections of fluid located in each ovary. Infrequent menstrual periods (check), excess hair growth (check), acne (check) and obesity (check) can all occur in women with PCOS. The exact cause is unknown. There are a few factors that can play a role in having PCOS. Excess Insulin, Low grade inflammation and it can also be hereditary.  When you have PCOS there is also a list of other conditions you are more likely to have, especially when obesity is a factor: Type 2 diabetes High Blood pressure Metabolic syndrome Infertility  Sleep Apnea  Depression and Anxiety  Abnormal uterine bleeding  Cancer of the uterine lining 

There is no specific test to test for PCOS. Your doctor is just gonna ask a million invasive questions and so some exams. Pelvic exam, blood work, ultrasound and a physical. 

So your doctor may prescribe some medication:  Birth control to regulate periods Progesterone to regulate periods, offers protection against endometrial cancer.  Metformin improves insulin resistance and lowers insulin levels. 

There are also some things you can do at home to help your PCOS. Keeping your weight under check Dietary changes Being Active 

After I saw the hormone specialist and she gave me many many medications to start taking I realized that this is a pretty serious condition to have. I always just thought I would just have to deal with my beard, and not getting my period was a lovely thing also I don't want to have kids! Never being able to have kids sounded wonderful. But its pretty terrible for you. If you aren't having regular periods you're at a higher risk of getting many reproductive cancers. 

So the doctor put me on some medications to help with the PCOS. She upped the amount of Metformin I am taking daily. Also she put me on Progesterone. I take that for 12 days a month. Lastly she put me on a daily injection called victoza. This is usually used to treat type 2 diabetes. But they have found when using a higher than normal dose it helps with PCOS and weight loss. So I am taking that slowly working up to the full 3mg shot daily. 

I am currently at a .9 mg shot daily. The first couple weeks I didn't feel any of the side effects. But the last couple of days I have been feeling pretty nauseous and pretty bleh. Just an overall feeling of blahness. Apparently every person feels like this while starting to use it. I have never had such a side effect reaction to any medication I've ever taken. Im just not used to it. 

 But what am I learning throughout this entire endeavour. GO TO THE DOCTOR! Seriously. When you procrastinate and hum and haw about it nothing gets solved. Just do it. 

Much Love. 

Barfy Chelsea. 

[mohamedayman22]

Acne Diet Link Exposed: Is There an Acne Cure Diet that Works?

Acne Diet Link Exposed: Is There an Acne Cure Diet that Works?

Acne Diet and The Cash Factor: You Can't Sell a Sound Diet 

Inquire as to whether there is an association among diet and acne and practically every one of them will guarantee there is none. Quoting from the Diary of the American Clinical Affiliation: "Diet assumes no job in acne treatment in many patients… even a lot of certain nourishments have not clinically exacerbated acne". 

With long periods of clinical training and clinical experience behind these cases, in what manner can we the basic people who experience the ill effects of acne challenge these announcements and think otherwise? The appropriate response is: question. Uncertainty, if its stays in the fringes of reason, can open numerous entryways otherwise will remain always shut. In all honesty, uncertainty can change reality. Uncertainty can cure your acne and uncertainty can even spare your life. 

Reality is, endless of acne sufferers have announced that their acne appeared to deteriorate when they devoured certain nourishments and saw emotional positive change over their acne condition when they eliminated similar nourishments from their diet and when certain food sources with explicit healthy benefit were incorporated into their diet. 

So for what reason do dermatologists so determinedly insist that diet doesn't cause acne? The appropriate response: you can't make a benefit promoting a solid diet. At any rate not as a lot of cash as you could make by selling drugs and over the counters. There is an enormous weight upon specialists coming from the medication and pharmaceutical organizations to endorse costly drugs and moisturizers that make reliance. In all actuality, your primary care physician is in a way, a prisoner by the trillion dollar sedate organizations. Did you know that the medication organizations, who have no interest in producing something that they cannot control financially, support most clinical schools? 

The correct diet, in spite of the fact that not an answer without anyone else, can, in numerous cases, significantly decrease inflammation and even totally clear one's acne (in case you're one of the fortunate ones what acne's identity is' activated by hypersensitive reaction to nourishment). Promoting an unmistakable skin diet basically implies less benefits for the medication and pharmaceutical organizations. 

In all actuality regular prescriptions will never cure your acne, basically in light of the fact that they are pre-structured NOT to fix the internal reason for acne. They are pre-intended to manage the outer indications of a sickness as they make more and more reliance and more reliance implies making more cash all to our detriment and ignorance. 

The Theory That Diet Doesn't Cause Acne Is A Fantasy 

The overbearing theory that diet doesn't cause acne and that acne is simply an incurable hereditary issue depended on two dated explores distributed in 1969 and 1971 that were planned for studying the association among diet and acne. 

These examinations were the establishment of the 'acne side effects treatment methodology', meaning, since acne is a hereditary ailment that cannot be forestalled, the best way to manage acne is handle its indications (microscopic organisms, inflammation, puss, redness, greasiness), by applying creams, anti-infection agents, taking physician recommended drugs and over the counters. 

Surprisingly enough, years after the above investigations were distributed, clinical preliminaries and top to bottom looks into experimenting the acne diet link have discovered that the examinations from 1969 and 1971 had reached an inappropriate resolutions and were in actuality truly defective. 

Late examinations have obviously discovered a critical association among diet and acne. Apparently an inappropriate diet is now thought to be one of the leading acne contributing elements that can contrarily influence hormonal guideline and the characteristic procedure of harmful elimination, which can truly exasperate one's existing acne. 

Diet Shapes Who You Are (Including Your Acne) 

Similarly that crashing waves shape sea shore bluffs and simply like the wind shapes the ravine dividers, gradually and efficiently after some time, so does eating shapes and impacts our physic, our internal framework, our physical and mental being, starting from the organ to the cell level. 

The possibility that an item unfamiliar to our body that is inserted by the nourishment that we eat, has no impact on us, or has no effect on incessant conditions, for example, acne is ludicrous. Diet is the essential thing that effects and shapes what our identity is. 

Diet has aggregate impact on our bodies, and that includes our skin condition and acne, which is an appearance of a constant internal issue gradually formed and worked by an inappropriate every day dietary decisions throughout the years. 

Acne Diet and The Kitavan Islanders 

While in the U.S, more than 80% of adolescents somewhere in the range of 16 and 18 have acne and more than 17 million Americans experience the ill effects of some type of acne, there is an interesting proof that local individuals that live and eat in customary manners, have fundamentally lower to no events of acne. 

In 2002, Dr. Cordain and his associates distributed a milestone study that examined 300 individuals living in the Kitavan Islands off the shore of Papua New Guinea that demonstrated that none of the islanders had even one imperfection all over. Like the Kitavans, no instance of acne had been seen when a similar trial had been led upon the South Native Americans called the Hurt, living in a remote wilderness in eastern Paraguay. 

The locals of Kitavan and the South Native Americans had no entrance to the most recent over the counters, topical creams or ordinary acne drugs and they had no dermatologist to talk with. The main immense contrast among them and American or European residents is their diet. 

Acne Diet and Sugar: The Sweet Toxic substance 

Beside the way that sugar is a 100% unadulterated compound with zero healthy benefit, ongoing investigations have plainly demonstrated an association between the utilization of sugar and the exacerbation of acne. 

At the point when you expend any type of refined starches (white sugar, white flour, white rice) this is what occurs: directly after you insert that 'sweet toxic substance' into your body, it quickly shoots up your glucose levels. Your body needs to bring those levels down so it insider facts a flood of insulin, other male hormones and an insulin-like development factor called IGF-1. The discharge of these hormones overpowers your liver and your internal framework by and large. The abundance of male hormones urges the skin to discharge a lot of sebum oil: The oily substance that urges the p.acne microorganisms to develop, resulting in the disturbance of your acne. 

Acne Diet and Dairy Items: Got Milk? Got Acne 

On the off chance that you figured sugar can bother your acne, here's another major dietary player in the arrangement of acne: view the supernatural occurrences of milk. Milk (all dairy items included) is the most destructive, bodily fluid forming, allergenic and acne aggravating nourishment you can find. Amazed? I suspected as much. Following quite a while of consistent brainwashing by the media, who can reprimand us for thinking milk is useful for solid bones and sound teeth? Actually: every taste of milk contains 59 diverse raging hormones, (which trigger the hyper-creation of sebum oil resulting in more acne), immersed creature fat, steroid hormones, dead white platelets, and bovine discharge in bounty! 

Did you know that the Nourishment and Medication Administration (FDA) permits 750 million discharge cells in each liter of milk (around two pounds) created in America? Think about it, whenever you pop a pimple. 

Logical investigations as of now point the finger at milk as one of the most noticeably terrible acne aggravating nourishments: "As pointed out by Dr. Jerome Fisher, 'Around 80 percent of dairy animals that are giving milk are pregnant and are throwing off hormones continuously.' Progesterone separates into androgens, which have been involved as a factor in the improvement of acne...Dr. Fisher saw that his high school acne patients improved when the milk drinking halted." 

On the off chance that there's one component you should expel from your diet in the mission for clear skin make it this one. Not just will you see a prompt improvement over your acne, you'll feel an immense weight has been lifted from your body. On the off chance that you stress over calcium intake, don't! Milk being acidic forming nourishment makes a leeching impact where calcium is taken from your issues that remains to be worked out the causticity. Milk really denies your body from its calcium assets. Green verdant vegetables, nuts and seeds are not just brilliant wellsprings of calcium they likewise have the forces to assist you with fighting your acne side effects. 

Diet Is Just One of The Elements That Cause Acne 

Dairy items and sugar are not the main acne aggravating nourishments. The two above cannot summarize the rundown of western made acne triggering nourishments. There are a few other nourishments you ought to obviously avoid in the event that you ever wish to clear your acne. The great new is that there are huge amounts of other nourishments, for example, basic fatty acids that are not just magnificent for your skin, they can really assist you with clearing your acne, by re-balancing your body and promoting to a sans acne condition. 

The correct nourishment has a significant influence in the mind boggling procedure of acne arrangement. At the point when specialists guarantee there is no link among diet and acne in light of the fact that certain individuals can eat explicit nourishments and get acne while others eat similar nourishments and don't, these specialists have neglected to understand that there are a few variables involved in the development and irritation of acne and diet is just ONE of them. 

The Final Decision On The Acne Diet Association: How To Finally Defeat Your Acne Challenge 

Acne is a mind boggling condition that is activated by a few underlying components. The best way to kill your acne condition is to handle all these acne-contributing variables comprehensively. Since an inappropriate diet is just one of these acne-triggering factors, in many cases no extraordinary diet can cure acne.

There is a be that as it may, a tight association among diet and acne development. Dietary components can trigger and exasperate your existing acne. Avoiding an inappropriate nourishments, for example, milk, sugar and hydrogenated oils, and eating cleansing and hormonal balancing food sources, for example, green verdant vegetables and fundamental fatty acids, can enable your skin to recuperate itself from the inside out and drastically lessen your acne indications. 

There are additionally a few significant dietary principals that you should comprehend and follow in the event that you ever need to cure your acne for good. 

Taking duty over your body and adhering to these dietary principals alongside taking the important strides to handle all acne contributing variables, comprehensively, won't just cure your acne for all time and give you the immaculate acne free skin you merit, following these principals will likewise altogether improve your general wellbeing, mental prosperity, look and feel. 

Mike Walden is an ensured nutritionist, independent clinical scientist, characteristic wellbeing expert and writer of the #1 top of the line digital book, "Acne No More-Make The Way for An Acne Free Life." Mike has composed many comprehensive wellbeing articles and has been included in ezines and print magazines, just as on several sites around the world. For information on Mike's All encompassing Clear Skin program, visit: [https://bit.ly/2UXuXYa]

source https://grapefruitdiet4u.blogspot.com/2020/04/acne-diet-link-exposed-is-there-acne.html

[ionecoffman]

The Meat Cleanse

“I know how ridiculous it sounds,” Mikhaila Peterson told me recently by phone, after a whirlwind of attention gathered around the 26-year-old, who is now offering dietary advice to people suffering with conditions like hers. Or not so much dietary advice as guiding people in eating only beef.

At first glance, Peterson, who is based in Toronto, could seem to be one of the many emerging semi-celebrities with a miraculous story of self-healing—who show off postpartum weight loss in bikini Instagrams and sell one thing or another, a supplement or tonic or book or compression garment. (Not incidentally, she is the daughter of the famous and controversial pop psychologist Jordan Peterson. More on that later.) But Peterson is taking the trend in extra-professional health advice to an extreme conclusion: She is not doing sponsored posts for health products, but actively selling one-on-one counseling ($75 for a half hour) for people who want to stop eating almost everything.

Peterson seems to be reaching suffering people despite a lack of training or credentials in nutrition or medicine, and perhaps because of that distinction. Her Instagram bio: “For info on treating weight loss, depression, and autoimmune disorders with diet, check out my blog or fb page!” The blog says at the top that “many (if not most) health problems are treatable with diet alone.” This is true, if at odds with the disclaimer at the bottom of the page that her words are “not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.”

I told her I’m surprised people need further counseling, in that an all-beef diet is very straightforward.

“They mostly want to see that I’m not dead,” she said. “What I basically do is say, hey, look at all the things that happened to me and brought me to where I am now. Isn’t it weird? And then let people draw their own conclusions.”

Peterson described an adolescence that involved multiple debilitating medical diagnoses, beginning with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Some unknown process had triggered her body’s immune system to attack her joints. “I was unable to hold a pencil, could barely walk, and was in constant pain,” she writes on her blog, which is called “Don’t Eat That.” The joint problems culminated in hip and ankle replacements in her teens, coupled with “extreme fatigue, depression and anxiety, brain fog, and sleep problems.” In fifth grade she was diagnosed with depression, and then later something called idiopathic hypersomnia (which translates to English as “sleeping too much, of unclear cause”—which translates further to sorry we really don’t know what’s going on).

Everything the doctors tried failed, and she did everything they told her, she recounted to me. She fully bought into the system, taking large doses of strong immune-suppressing drugs like methotrexate, prednisone, leflunomide, and humira. “Despite being on multiple heavy-hitting meds, I was still struggling with basic day-to-day tasks,” she writes on her blog.

Her story takes a dramatic turn in 2015, when the underdog protagonist, nearly at the end of her rope, figured out the truth for herself. It was all about food.

Peterson adopted a common approach to dieting: elimination. She started cutting out foods from her diet, and feeling better each time. She began with gluten, and she kept going, casting out more and more—not just gluten or dairy or soy or lectins or artificial sweeteners or non-artificial sweeteners, but everything. Until, by December 2017, all that was left was “beef and salt and water,” and, she told me, “all my symptoms went into remission.”

“And you quit taking all your medications?”

“Everything.”

There is so much evidence—abundant, copious evidence acquired over decades of work from scientists around the world—that most people benefit from eating fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, and seeds. This appears to be largely because fiber in plants is important to the flourishing of the gut microbiome. I ran this by some experts, just to make sure I wasn’t missing anything that might suggest a beef-salt diet is potentially something other than a bad idea. I learned that it was worse than I thought.

“Physiologically, it would just be an immensely bad idea,” Jack Gilbert, the faculty director at the University of Chicago’s Microbiome Center and a professor of surgery, told me during a recent visit to his lab. “A terribly, terribly bad idea.”

Gilbert has done extensive research on how the trillions of microbes in our guts digest food, and the look on his face when I told him about the all-beef diet was unamused. He began rattling off the expected ramifications: “Your body would start to have severe dysregulation, within six months, of the majority of the processes that deal with metabolism; you would have no short-chain fatty acids in your cells; most of the byproducts of gastrointestinal polysaccharide fermentation would shut down, so you wouldn’t be able to regulate your hormone levels; you’d enter into cardiac issues due to alterations in cell receptors; your microbiota would just be devastated.”  

While much of the internet has been following this story in a somewhat snide way, Gilbert appeared genuinely concerned and saddened: “If she does not die of colon cancer or some other severe cardiometabolic disease, the life—I can’t imagine.”

There are few accounts of people having tried all-beef diets, though all-meat—known as carnivory—is slightly more common. Earlier this month, inspired by the media conversation about the Peterson approach, Alan Levinovitz, the author of The Gluten Lie, tried carnivory, eating only meat for two weeks. He did lose seven pounds, which he attributes to eating fewer calories overall, because he eventually got tired of eating only meat. He missed snacking at coffee shops and browsing the local farmer’s market and trying out new restaurants around town, cooking with his family, and just generally enjoying food.

“I was psychologically exhausted,” Levinovitz told me. When he returned to omnivory, and he regained the lost weight in four days.

Peterson told me it took several weeks for her to get used to the beef-only approach, and that the relief of her medical symptoms overpowers any sense of missing food. If even a tiny amount of anything else finds its way into her mouth, she will be ill, she says. This happened when she tried to eat an organic olive, and again recently when she was at a restaurant that put pepper on her steak.

“I was like, whatever, it’s just pepper,” she told me. Then she had a reaction that lasted three weeks and included joint pain, acne, and anxiety.

Apart from having to exist in a world where the possibility of pepper exposure looms, the only other social downside she notices is that she hates asking people to accommodate her diet. So she will usually eat before she goes to a dinner party, she told me, “but then I’ll go drink and enjoy the party.”

“Drink, as in, water?”

“I can also, strangely enough, tolerate vodka and bourbon.”

The idea that alcohol, one of the most well-documented toxic substances, is among the few things that Peterson’s body will tolerate may be illuminating. It implies that when it comes to dieting, the inherent properties of the substances ingested can be less important than the eater’s conceptualizations of them—as either tolerable or intolerable, good or bad. What’s actually therapeutic may be the act of elimination itself.

For centuries, ascetics have found enlightenment through acts of deprivation. As Levinovitz, who is an associate professor of religion at James Madison University, explained to me, the Daoist text the Zhuangzi describes “a spirit man” who lives in the mountains and rides dragons and subsists only on air and dew. “There’s an anti-authoritarian bent to pop-culture wisdom, and a part of that is dealing with food taboos, which are handed down by authorities,” Levinovitz said. “Those are government now, instead of religious. And because they are wrong so often—or, at least, apparently wrong—that’s a good place to go when carving out your own area of authority. If you just eat the ‘wrong’ foods and don’t die, that’s a ritual way to prove that you go against conventional wisdom.”

Peterson’s narrative fits a classic archetype of an outsider who beat the game and healed thyself despite the odds and against the recommendations of the establishment. Her story is her truth, and it can’t be explained; you have to believe. And unlike the many studies that have been done to understand the diets of the longest-lived, healthiest people in history, or the randomized trials that are used to determine which health interventions are safe and effective for whom, her story is clear and dramatic. It’s right there in her photos; it has a face and a name to prove that no odds are too long for one determined person to overcome.

The beneficial effects of a compelling personal narrative that helps explain and give order to the world can be absolutely physiologically real. It is well documented that the immune system (and, so, autoimmune diseases) are modulated by our lifestyles—from how much we sleep and move to how well we eat and how much we drink. Most importantly, the immune system is also modulated by stress, which tends to be a byproduct of a perceived lack of control or order.

If strict dietary rules provide a sense of control and order, then Peterson’s approach is emblematic of the trend in elimination dieting taken to an extreme: Avoid basically everything. This verges into the realm of an eating disorder. The National Eating Disorder Association lists among common symptoms “refusal to eat certain foods, progressing to restrictions against whole categories of food.” In the early phases of disordered eating, as with bipolar disorder or alcoholism, a person may look and feel great. They may thrive for months or even years. But this fades. What’s more, the temporary relief from anxiety may mean that the source of the anxiety goes unsought and unaddressed.

I asked Peterson about the possibility that she may be enabling people with eating disorders. She said she would draw a line if a client were underweight or inducing vomiting. Otherwise, “it’s extremely disrespectful to people with health issues caused by food to be lumped into the same category as people with eating disorders. More of the same ‘blame the patient’ stuff that doctors and health professionals already do.”  

The popularity of Peterson’s narrative is explained by more than its timeless tropes; it has also been amplified by the fact that her father has occasionally cast his spotlight onto her story. Jordan Peterson’s recent book, Twelve Rules for Life, includes the story of his daughter’s health trials. The elder Peterson, a psychologist at the University of Toronto, could at first seem an unlikely face for acceptance of personal, subjective truth, as he regularly professes the importance of acting as purely as possible according to rigorous analysis of data. He argued in a recent video that American universities are the home to “ideologues who claim that all truth is subjective, that all sex differences are socially constructed, and that Western imperialism is the sole source of all Third World problems.” In his book, he writes that academic institutions are teaching children to be “brainwashed victims,” and that “the rigorous critical theoretician is morally obligated to set them straight.”

It is on grounds of his interpretation of income data, for example, that he has spoken out against the idea of a wage gap between men and women being unfair, as it can be explained away by biological factors associated with certain personality traits that are more valuable in the capitalist marketplace. From arguments from social-science evidence, he has expressed uncertainty that lesbian couples can raise children without a male father figure. And it is academic evidence that leads him to write in his book that “the so-called patriarchy” is “an arbitrary cultural artifact.”

Yet in a July appearance on the comedian Joe Rogan’s podcast, Jordan Peterson explained how Mikhaila’s experience had convinced him to eliminate everything but meat and leafy greens from his diet, and that in the last two months he had gone full meat and eliminated vegetables. Since he changed his diet, his laundry list of maladies has disappeared, he told Rogan. His lifelong depression, anxiety, gastric reflux (and associated snoring), inability to wake up in the mornings, psoriasis, gingivitis, floaters in his right eye, numbness on the sides of his legs, problems with mood regulation—all of it is gone, and he attributes it to the diet.

“I’m certainly intellectually at my best,” he said. “I’m stronger, I can swim better, and my gum disease is gone. It’s like, what the hell?”

“Do you take any vitamins?” asked Rogan

“No. No, I eat beef and salt and water. That’s it. And I never cheat. Ever. Not even a little bit.”

“No soda, no wine?”

“I drink club soda.”

“Well, that’s still water.”

“Well, when you’re down to that level, no, it’s not, Joe. There’s club soda, which is really bubbly. There’s Perrier, which is sort of bubbly. There’s flat water, and there’s hot water. Those distinctions start to become important.”

Peterson reiterated several times that he is not giving dietary advice, but said that many attendees of his recent speaking tour have come up to him and said the diet is working for them. The takeaway for listeners is that it worked for Peterson, and so it may work for them. Rogan also clarified that though he is also not an expert, he is fascinated by the fact that he hasn’t heard any negative stories about people who have started the all-meat diet.

“Well, I have a negative story,” said Peterson. “Both Mikhaila and I noticed that when we restricted our diet and then ate something we weren’t supposed to, the reaction was absolutely catastrophic.” He gives the example of having had some apple cider and subsequently being incapacitated for a month by what he believes was an inflammatory response.

“You were done for a month?”

“Oh yeah, it took me out for a month. It was awful ...”

“Apple cider? What was it doing to you?”

“It produced an overwhelming sense of impending doom. I seriously mean overwhelming. There’s no way I could’ve lived like that. But see, Michaela knew by then that it would probably only last a month.”

“A month? From fucking cider?”

“I didn’t sleep that month or 25 days. I didn’t sleep at all for 25 days.”

“What? How is that possible?”

“I’ll tell you how it’s possible, you lay in bed frozen in something approximating terror for eight hours. And then you get up.”

The longest recorded stretch of sleeplessness in a human is 11 days, witnessed by a Stanford research team.

While there is debate in the scientific community over just how much meat belongs in a human diet, it is impossible for all or even most humans to eat primarily meat. Beef production at the scale required to feed billions of humans even at current levels of consumption is environmentally unsustainable. It is not even healthy from a theoretical evolutionary viewpoint, the microbiome expert Gilbert explained to me. Carnivores need to eat meat or else they die; humans do not. “The carnivore gastrointestinal tract is completely different from the human gastrointestinal tract, which is made up of a system designed to consume large quantities of complex fibers.”

What the Petersons are selling is rather a sense of order and control. Science is about questions, and self-help is about answers. A recurring idea in Jordan Peterson’s book is that humans need rules—the subtitle of is “an antidote to chaos”—even if only for the sake of rules. Peterson discovered this through his own suffering, as when he was searching the world for the best surgeon to give his young daughter a new hip. In explaining how he dealt with Mikhaila’s illness, he writes that “existence and limitation are inextricably linked.” He quotes Laozi:

It is not the clay the potter throws,

Which gives the pot its usefulness,

But the space within the shape,

From which the pot is made

Dietary rules offer limits, good or bad, that help people define the self. This is an attractive prospect, and anyone willing to decree such rules—dietary or otherwise—is bound to attract attention. Fox News recently declared Peterson “the Left’s public enemy number one” in a segment where he discussed with Tucker Carlson “why the Left wants to silence conservative thought.” Though to have lived through the last year is to have lived in a world where Peterson and his ideas have enjoyed near-constant amplification.

The allure of a strict code for eating—a way to divide the world into good foods and bad foods, angels and demons—may be especially strong at a time when order feels in short supply. Indeed there is at least some benefit to be had from any and all dietary advice, or rules for life, so long as a person believes in them, and so long as they provide a code that allows a person to feel good for having stuck with it and a cohort of like-minded adherents. The challenge is to find a code that accords as best possible with scientific evidence about what is good and bad, and with what is best for the world.

Article source here:The Atlantic

[bigmouthbadsleeper]

Shall I Compare Thee To A Cactus?

I still remember the first time I was called “gross”. It was the summer before eighth grade and I had been in a new ward for about three months. The transition had not been easy for me. I don't know if there's any scenario where a change of schools would be easy for a teenager, but my situation was made a little harder because I didn't really fit in well with the girls in my ward. They were all thin and pretty, hailing from rich families. Puberty is a fickle beast, and she had been unkind to me. My once blonde, stick straight locks had turned into a kinky sort of wave, in a shade of light brown that society calls “dirty blonde”. Up until that point I had been a year-round diver and swimmer, my skin continually browned from the sun, but due to the fact that I was uncomfortable wearing my bathing suit around people, I quit all water-related public activities, and my skin had faded to a sallow shade of yellow. My face had rounded out, and I began to notice that my belly touched my upper thighs when I sat down. I watched the girls in my ward walk from Sunday school to Young Women's and wondered why puberty had seemed to skip them altogether. They all had long sun kissed hair and legs that looked like they belonged on Olympic marathon runners. I made some attempts to hang out with them, and had landed myself invites to a couple of summer birthday parties. I always felt good about party invites until I got to the party. I could almost believe that people would want me there until I was actually there. Then it became painfully aware that I was a required invite from a parent; an empty attempt to be fellowshipped.

I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut, and I've never had a poker face. There's no gentle way to say that, other than to say I have a big mouth and I'm terrible at hiding my feelings, and I don't know which way is less offensive. At some point, at one of the birthday parties I was pity-invited to, I made the very big mistake of letting it slip to the girls (the ones puberty had been kind to) that I had a crush on a boy in our ward. It didn't take long for that confession to bleed out of the circle of girls sitting on a living room floor in the middle of summer, and into a circle of young men and young women at mutual the following Wednesday. When you're a teenager, secrets spread faster than wildfire and they seem twice as deadly. Even though I knew this, I had to be reminded time and time again as my own secrets would be repeated to me in various places over my junior high and high school careers. Apparently I am a slow learner.

So this is where I not only overhear my own secret being told to my actual crush, but it's also where I hear for the first time that I am “gross”. I put that in quotation marks and italics because that's how it was said by my crush to the group of cool teenagers that I so desperately wanted to be a part of. Actually the full sentence was “I would never like Gabi! She's fat! That's gross!” I wish I could say I was confident enough that the words just rolled off my back, but I wasn't , and they didn't. I mean, I knew I was chubbier than other girls, I knew I had an extra chin where most people just had one, but gross? I had never really thought of myself that way before. Looking back on it, I suppose I had just been young enough that I hadn't felt mean feelings about myself yet. How refreshing that time must have been, but it all came screeching to a halt the moment I heard those words. The laughter from the group of teenagers who would have been my friends if I wasn't gross confirmed it: I was, in fact, fat and gross.

I wish I could tell you that my confidence only grew from that moment, or that I lost a bunch of weight and was welcomed into the “popular” group. I wish I could tell you that I proved everyone wrong and made cheerleader, or that I don't know what it feels like to sit at home alone on weekends, or have a group of people get up and leave a lunch table just because I sat down at it. I wish I could say that I got asked to even one school dance, or that I didn't know what it felt like to watch the boys that I liked repeatedly choose other girls- most often my best friend- over me. I wish I could say that I had my first kiss in junior high like everyone else, with a boy who was kind and funny. But I can't tell you any of those things. I can however tell you what it's like to have all those things happen to you, and to be happy anyway. I can tell you how to turn your pain into something empowering and beautiful. I can tell you what it's like to laugh so hard that you pee your pants, with your mom who also happens to be your best friend. I can tell you all about the feeling you'll feel when you listen to a song/read a book/watch a film for the first time and feel like it was written specifically for you. I know all about what it's like to survive happily through your teen years as an undesirable, because I've done it. And I didn't just barely survive, I fully lived. Here are some things I did that helped me get through the hard times, of which there were many. As an added bonus, I've also included some things that I know now as a “grown up” and wish I had known when I was younger.

Although I haven't always known how important it would be to me, my personal relationship with the savior has made all the difference in my life, not only during my teen years, but throughout my adult life as well. As I've gotten older, my heart has broken as I've watched many beloved friends leave the church. When I think about what the difference between myself and them is, it's most often that they lacked a personal relationship with the savior. When you have a strong personal relationship with your savior, all of the politics involved in church culture affect you less. You don't get drowned by the loudness of outside voices because the voice that is clearest to you is the savior's, as he testifies to you time and time again that you are strong, beautiful, capable, and worthy. As a teen, I was bullied and picked on, primarily by Mormon girls. I don't think the religion had anything to do with that, I think that's just how teenage girls operate and I happened to be surrounded by more Mormons teens than not. Do I wish that the girls in my ward would have been nicer to me? Yeah, of course. There are times when that would have made things a lot easier. Because of my lack of friends, church and seminary were never social things for me. The experiences I got out of church and church activities were spiritual ones, not social. I went to church to take the sacrament, learn more of Christ, and feel the spirit. Over time I did make some friends at church, but they were almost all younger than me. So be nice to the Beehives, your best friend could be in there! Outside of church, one of the things that I did to stay close to the savior was read my scriptures every day. I was diligent with this through junior high and high school. The only nights I skipped were Saturday nights because I usually stayed up so late that I would crash while watching Titanic for the 79th time (don't judge). I would also read the New Era (I loved Mormon ads. You know, the really cheesy ones that make most people cringe? I had them hanging on my wall next to my *NSYNC posters), spend time with my family, and pray often. These are all things that helped prepare me to go through the temple and get my endowments later in life which was without a doubt one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

In August 2013, I had a little bit of a breakdown. I had spent the first part of the year counting calories and participating in a rigorous work-out schedule that included cardio and weight lifting. Though I was in the best physical shape of my life, I was still considered “plus size” by America's standards, and was the heaviest of most all the girls around me. It was incredibly frustrating and disheartening. I have a medical condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, which in the simplest terms means I have elevated male hormones in me. It's a real pain in the butt. Some of the side affects of this disease are high blood sugar, irregular and heavy periods, acne, and really severe pelvic pain. PCOS also makes it much harder to lose weight. I worked for nine months counting calories and exercising for an hour a day, and I was only able to lose 20 pounds. I'm not telling you all of this to make you feel sorry for me, I'm just trying to give you an idea of where I was at emotionally during this time in my life. I was extremely frustrated with my body. I was tired, I was bored of food and my workout routine. I felt like I had worked so hard and seen little payoff. It was maddening. Having struggled with my weight ever since I hit puberty, I had reached a point where I was over it. On top of that, I had gone on a few dates with this guy I had been set up with, and I thought it was going well. I thought he liked me. I was 29 and thinking that I had maybe finally found someone who liked me for who I was. It turned out I was wrong about him liking me, and my feelings were hurt. I wondered why Heavenly Father would put someone in my life at this age, if it wasn't someone I was supposed to be with? What was the point? I was more physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired than I had ever been in my life. I remember one day after a work out, I sat on the couch and let a mosquito bite me in four different places on my body. I remember watching that little guy suck my blood and thinking in my head, “DO SOMETHING! MOVE! GET HIM OFF YOU!” but I physically couldn't do anything but watch. Later that night I was in my room cleaning and texting with friends and feeling very sorry for myself. I finally fell to my knees and sobbed. In that moment, I felt so much sadness overcome me at once. I heard every mean word that was ever spoken about me echo in my head. I missed everyone I had ever known. I was hopeless. I didn't know what was next for me. I didn't know if I should move out of state or change jobs or what. I felt like I had done what I was supposed to do my whole life. I had made mistakes, of course, but I went to church, paid my tithing, read my scriptures. I was a good person. I was nice to people. And yet here I was, sobbing on my bedroom floor on a Wednesday night. Alone. Frustrated, I asked loudly to Heavenly Father, or to anyone who would listen, “What do you want me to do?? Where do you want me to go?” I got no response. I was devastated. My fears were confirmed: I was truly alone. I got up off the floor only because I had to. I had to keep going. Keep working. Keep moving. Even though I wanted so much to stop everything. I had to get up and move forward.

The very next Sunday, my bishop called me into his office. I was scared. I thought I was getting fired from teaching relief society. I had just given the lesson on sexual purity the week prior and was sure I had offended someone. “Oh great,” I thought to myself, “I can't even teach relief society the right way.” I sat down in my bishop's office. I was sweating. I couldn't even look him in the eye. He didn't say anything for a moment. I wondered what the meaning of all this was, why was I here? What did he want? If I was in trouble I wished he would say it already. But he didn't. He didn't even make small talk with me, he just asked me one question: “Have you ever thought about going through the temple?” I started crying, probably for no reason and for all the reasons. I told him that I had thought about it before, but I had always planned on getting my endowments when I got married. He looked at me and said simply, “I want you to think about doing it. Now.” He didn't need to say more than that, because I knew right then that it was the answer to the question I had cried out a few days before. I was not alone. The Lord had heard me, and he had a plan for me. This is what he wanted me to do. I told my bishop that I didn't need to think about it, I was ready to prepare to get my endowments on my own.

Two months later, I went through the temple and received my own endowments. I was nervous and overwhelmed. I felt unworthy in a lot of ways, but stronger than that feeling was the love that my heavenly father and savior have for me. I was so anxious and worried that I would feel unworthy when I walked through the doors, but I have never ever felt more deserving or worthy of something ever in my life. I went through the temple for the first time at 29, much later than most, but I did it exactly when I was supposed to. I had spent years of my adult life telling myself that I wasn't worthy of the blessings of the temple, and in some ways, that I wasn't worthy of my heavenly father's love. That is a trick that the adversary uses on us, and it can be very damaging if we let it. The truth is, we are all undeserving of our Father's blessings and love. But through the atonement of the savior, we can become worthy to receive all that our Father has in store for us. I encourage all of you to consult with the Lord about getting your own endowments, and testify to you that he will guide you to the time that is best for you. I am so glad that I went through the temple when I did. I did it for myself and not for any other reason other than it was my time. I love the temple so much. It is the one place on this earth where the veil between this side and the next is thinnest. Inside the temple I feel loved and special and strong and capable. Those are the kinds of feelings we should be feeling about ourselves outside of the temple as well, because we are loved, special, strong, and capable. We are all imperfect and broken in so many ways, but we can all be healed and made whole by the atonement and the specific love that comes from our heavenly father and savior Jesus Christ. It will take much longer than a day, a month, or years in most cases. I once read that it takes a saguaro cactus 75-100 years to grow one arm. Would you ever say that the arm is not worth growing if it takes that long? You wouldn't, because the end result is beautiful. Whether we bloom in a day or a year or 75 years, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that we keep ourselves growing. One of the wonderful things about this gospel is the knowledge that it brings us that we are a forever thing. We were not made for endings. When you think about your life that way, isn't it wonderful? Doesn't it open up endless possibilities for you? When you fall down, use the time on your knees to pray. And then get up knowing that you are worthy. Your future is bright. You will grow. I promise you this. You just need to give yourself time to blossom.